#and switching and memory barriers and stuff

[dullahandyke]

reading a webpage titled 'am i plural' with big impressions of middle fingers in my mind. i go my own way i don't fit the #mold come on blathnaid we can do our own thang

[the-fictive-haven]

Hey any systems out there with created/intentional memory barriers or that didn't originally switch fully but gained that ability: h o w

This is a genuine question, like please our sys is tired of influence from each other all the time. We want to be more separate.

Especially any endogenic/willogenic etc plurals we want to hear how that works for you please and thanks /g

[ckret2]

At long last, we get to see: this moment.

Chapter 11 of Human Bill Being The Mystery Shack's Hella Depressed Prisoner, featuring: Mabel giving Bill a ✨beautiful makeover✨—and Stan and Ford almost dying from laughter. And thus begins Bill & Mabel's inevitable befriending. Previous chapters here! 1/16/2025, now edited for TBOB compatibility!

####

Every time Mabel had to use the stairs, she paused to look at Bill sitting in his window.

He never seemed to move.

A few days ago, it was creepy. Now, it was just kind of sad.

Last year, after Mabel and Dipper's parents had heard the whole story about their summer, they'd immediately dragged the twins with them to their family therapist. (They had to switch therapists a few times before they found one who would engage with their barely-averted-apocalypse story at face value rather than search for the root of these "delusions.") 

Mabel didn't think she needed all that—the end of the world hadn't been that scary, and honestly she'd missed most of it partying in her prison bubble, it wasn't like she was having puppet nightmares and stuff like Dipper—but whatever, it made their parents feel better.

At their current therapist's office, before each appointment, Dipper and Mabel had to fill out checklists that they gathered were to measure whether they'd come down with a case of depression—Please read the following statements and circle the word that shows how often they happen to you. Never, sometimes, often, always.

She'd filled out these things so many times that she could practically recite the list of statements by memory. Nothing feels very fun anymore. I have problems with my appetite. I have trouble sleeping. I have no energy for things. I feel like I don't want to move.

Far be it from her to try to diagnose an evil demon monster space triangle who'd tried to murder everybody she knew, but. Well. You know. Sitting curled up alone, day after night after day, barely moving, barely talking, barely eating, waiting for nothing at all... Yikes. She could only guess how he'd answer statements like I feel empty and sad or I feel worthless.

In Mabel's mind, there was a piece of paper. On that piece of paper were the faces of everyone currently living in the shack. Herself, Dipper, Waddles, Grunkle Stan, Grunkle Ford, Soos, Abuelita, Gompers even though he lived outside, and Melody as an honorary part-time resident. Next to each of their faces, there was a sticker, reflecting their current overall mood. Right now, everyone had either a happy face or a flat-mouthed neutral face—not bad, but could be better.

As she looked at Bill, she mentally promoted him at last from "entity haunting the attic" to "temporary resident." She added his face to her imaginary paper. And she slapped a big blue crying sticker next to it.

She wouldn't stand for that. Not even from him. Not under her roof.

####

Today, Bill wasn't in his usual window seat. He'd elected to curl up in a corner of the attic, hiding in the shadows with his stolen blanket. The window was probably too hot. Mabel typically used acrylic yarn, and she knew from experience how quickly Sweater Town could turn into Sweaty Town.

For the first time, Mabel sauntered, quite casually, across the invisible barrier separating the rest of the attic from Bill's nest. She offered her winningest smile and her cheerfullest, "Hey, Bill!"

The Thing Beneath The Blanket gave her a look that, she suspected, could probably be described as deeply suspicious. "Shooting Star."

"Yup! Haha! That's—that's me all right! You got me." Mabel laughed. (This was going great so far. This was very natural.) "So, anyway!" She grabbed one of the couch cushions Bill had been using as a bed, dragged it a little closer to the corner, and plopped down. "This is such a weird coincidence, but one time, I got gum stuck in my hair and had to shave it off! I mean, crazy, right?"

"Uh huh." Bill didn't sound impressed. "Second grade." (And Mabel was uncomfortably reminded of the first time she'd ever seen Bill, the way hundreds of faces and places and memories that didn't belong to him had flashed across his body in seconds: I know lots of things.) "Hey, since you brought it up, can I ask you something about that little incident?"

"Uh..." This was what you signed up for, Mabel. You volunteered for a conversation with Bill. You've gotta converse. "Sure, I guess."

He leaned forward, yarn triangle face looming above her. "Did getting gum in your hair change your species? Did you still look like yourself when you shaved it off?" The face bobbed as he pantomiming looking her up and down. "You still look human to me! So what's your point."

Okay, so he'd immediately recognized she was trying to relate to him, aaand he was landmining their common ground. Great start. "Jeez, don't be so mean! I'm trying to tell you I get it. Not... the species part, but the other part. I wanna help!"

Bill scoffed. "Sure you do."

"Really!"

"Why?"

"Because you're all sad and it's making me sad."

Bill, o wise and ancient being that he was, knew of "empathy" in a conceptual sense. He was aware that it was a thing that happened to some people. He even knew that it was common among humans. But on some level he kinda sorta felt like it only really happened to mindreaders that didn't know how to establish proper psychic boundaries. He laughed in Mabel's face. "No, seriously! What are you getting out of this."

Mabel decided she had no interest in explaining compassion to an alien mass murderer. "Okay, I want Soos's blanket back. I gave it to him, not you."

"Fine. If you want his blanket back, make me one."

"What? No! Those are our Team Zodiac-That-Defeated-You blankets, you don't get one."

"Didn't you make one for everybody else on the wheel? I'm on the wheel, aren't I?" He pointed at his face. "Bam! There I am, right in the middle! Star of the show! If everyone else deserves a blanket, so do I."

"Why do you even want one? It's a symbol to kill you."

"It's got my face on it! It's not that deep." He crossed his legs and leaned his elbows on his knees, getting more comfortable. "So do I get to pick the colors? I'll take yellow if that's all you got, but if you get me metallic gold I think I can swing you a favor."

"I'm not making you a blanket," Mabel said. "I was thinking maybe a wig?"

Bill shuddered. "Pass."

"Aw, come on! I bet I could find you a really cute wig. Maybe something with bangs, have you ever thought about trying bangs? Summerween's coming up, I could go to the costume store—"

"Don't even think about it." Bill leaned away from Mabel, back into his corner. She was losing him. "Do you think I did this by accident?" He pointed vaguely toward his scalp. "Being stuck in a human body, with all this skin? Disgusting. Being a human and secreting fifteen miles of hair out of a hundred thousand of pores? Infinitely worse."

"Wait, wait, fifteen miles?" Mabel had never considered how long a full head of hair laid out end-to-end would be. "How much hair do I have?"

"Huh." Bill tilted his head consideringly. "How dense is your hair?"

"Super dense. I've broken multiple brushes."

"Could be up to fifty miles."

Mabel's eyes widened. "Whoa."

"And you've got fifty thousand miles of blood vessels," Bill added cheerfully. "Anyway, if you want this blanket back? You won't get it with a wig. All I want is to look..." he formed his fingers into a triangle, thumb to thumb and forefinger to forefinger, and held it over the face on the blanket, "... like this. Now, if you're offering to help me get my real body back—"

"Never in a million years."

"Didn't think so!" Bill retreated fully into his corner again, knees pulled back up under the blanket, like an eel hiding in a hole to await its next prey. "But hey, if you've got an offer that's a step up from the blanket, I'm willing to negotiate."

"Huh." Mabel frowned thoughtfully. Something triangly. Something triangly that was better than a blanket, without helping Bill return to full power.

She got to her feet. "Let's put a pin in this conversation and circle back to it later. I'll come back with some proposals for you to review."

Bill laughed. "Okay, business girl! Have your people call my people. You know where to find me."

Mabel leaped down the stairs three at a time, ideas already forming in her head.

####

"Hey, Grunkle Ford!"

Ford was sitting at the former controls of the interdimensional portal, studying some radar readings; but he glanced up with a smile when Mabel ran out of the elevator. "Mabel. What brings you down here?"

She dragged an office chair up beside Ford, plopped down in it, and spun a couple of times. "I need to ask some questions about Bill!"

Ford's smile faltered. "Ah."

"Last summer, when we were burning all your art of him—"

(Ford winced in embarrassment.)

"—you said he could do some kind of magic with pictures of his face? What's all that about?" She stopped spinning. "Do they give him more power? Can he fire lasers out of them, or...?"

"No, nothing like that, thank goodness. Depictions of his face granted him a different kind of power: the power of knowledge. When he was trapped in the Nightmare Realm, he could tap into our world's collective mindscape and see through drawings of himself as if they were cameras. Ironically, plastering images of his face everywhere to symbolically represent an 'all-seeing eye' is what made him so all-seeing in the first place."

Mabel nodded thoughtfully. "Did you know you talk like one of those experts they hire to explain things in history documentaries?" she asked. "You should be on TV. You'd be good at it."

Ford gave her a confused smile. "Er—thank you."

"So, if Bill's already here, making new pictures of his face doesn't do anything?"

He supposed she was wondering about the zodiac blankets she'd spread around town. "Probably not. At a minimum, he'd have to be in the mindscape to be at the right 'angle' to see through the eyes. As he is now, trapped in a human form?" Ford let out a slow, thoughtful sigh. "It's hard to say for sure, without knowing how he got to be this way or what kinds of powers he's still hiding... but based on everything I've seen so far, I doubt they do anything for him."

"And if somebody put a picture of him on his face, it wouldn't do anything at all! Because that's like, his face. He already has eyes there."

Ford chuckled. "I suppose that's true. It would be like he'd grown a third eyeball, that's all." He paused. Put a picture of him on his face? "Why do you ask?"

Too late; she was halfway to the elevator. "Thanks, Grunkle Ford! I'll see you at dinner!" And she was gone.

####

"What's all this?" Bartholomew asked.

Mabel was dumping a bag of costume makeup and cheap convenience store makeup palettes onto her bed. They sparkled in varying hues of tacky gold glitter. "Art project!" She scooped Bartholomew out of his cradle by Dipper's bed, climbed the rickety ladder to the storage loft over their bedroom, and set him down leaning against a box. "You're on guard duty. Stay quiet and if anything goes wrong, get Dipper."

"How do you expect me to get Dipper? I'm a doll. I can't move."

"Come on, Mew-Mew. You think we don't know you teleport when nobody's looking?"

Bartholomew paused. "Touché."

Mabel rummaged through her art supplies; put tape, glue, and a couple of flattened cardboard boxes on the bed; added all the yellow crayons, markers, and paints she could find; and finally, satisfied, she ran out of the room. "Bill!"

"Still here."

"I've got the perfect solution. I'm giving you..." Mabel posed, hands on her hips. "A makeover!"

Bill waited for the follow up. There was no follow up. "Heh."

"Laugh now, but before I'm finished, I'm gonna make you more beautiful than your wildest dreams!"

"With all due respect"—which, by his tone of voice, didn't sound like much—"your idea of 'wild' taps out where my dreams are just getting started."

"Then I'll just have to up my game, won't I?" Mabel held out her hand. "Just give me that blanket, show me that weird bald head of yours, and let me make it into a canvas for high art! Trust me!"

Bill contemplated her extended hand. Did he trust her? In most situations, he considered trust irrelevant. He expected most people to do whatever they thought would benefit themselves the most; sometimes that meant keeping their word, and sometimes it didn't. And he still wasn't sure what Mabel really expected to get out of this.

On the other hand. Was he really curious to find out where she was going with this? Yes. And the worst thing she could possibly do to him was make him very slightly more ugly than he already was. And playing along would fill his empty afternoon.

"Okay, kid." He reluctantly handed the blanket over. "You haven't given me a bad makeover so far." (He hadn't actually seen her marker mask, but it never hurt to flatter the person about to paint all over you.) He stood and stretched. "Show me what you've got. But if I don't like it, you owe me a blanket."

"Yes!" She grabbed his hand—his whole arm immediately went stiff—and dragged him toward the bedroom. "Welcome to my salon!"

####

Sure enough, just like Ford had said—when Stan checked Bill's attic nest, there was no sign of him.

Stan didn't like that one bit. Where the hell had their prisoner gotten off to?

As Stan approached the attic bedroom, he could hear Mabel talking: "More glitter?! That's crazay! Okay, here goes! I bet you could pull off such a glam rock look." (That explained where the kids were. He'd been starting to wonder.) "Hold still, I'm gonna try something I saw on a Russian supermodel—"

"Kids," Stan called, "do you know where the demon went?" He opened the door. "Poindexter says he can't find him anywhere, and—"

Mabel was kneeling on the floor, surrounded by the widest variety of makeup brushes and palettes Stan had ever seen. Her fingers and sleeve cuffs were coated in gold glitter and paint.

Kneeling in front of her, with his legs splayed awkwardly and his hands on the floor like he wasn't sure how to lower this body down to Mabel's height, was Bill. His face was liberally coated in acrylic gold paint and amateurishly contoured with a mix of craft glitter and golden eyeshadow. One eye was shut—the eyelashes delicately dusted with more gold eyeshadow to help it blend in—while the other was coated in a layer of mascara so thick it was a miracle his lashes didn't glue shut when he blinked.

And to cap off the gilded absurdity, his face was sticking through a hole in the middle of a cardboard triangle helmet, painted sunflower yellow with bricks shakily traced on in marker. Bill looked like the poor kid assigned the part of "the pyramid" in a fourth grade class play about ancient Egypt.

Mabel and Bill stared at Stan.

Stan stared back.

He covered a snort with a cough. "I'll—I'll tell Ford you've got it handled." He slammed the door.

He let out a bellow of laughter.

Mabel put a hand on Bill's shoulder. "He doesn't understand avant-garde fashion. You look like a million dollars."

"I know," Bill said. "All the same—maybe a hat would class things up a little?"

Mabel reached for a sheet of black construction paper. "You're so right."

####

"Well?" Mabel leaned around Bill, trying to see what he looked like in the full-length mirror. "What do you think?"

Bill stared in the mirror. A horrific abomination of flaking paint, cakey makeup, and taped-up cardboard stared back.

He grinned so wide it cracked his face paint. "I think I'm looking at the hottest human being in history."

"Yes!" Mabel pumped a fist into the air.

####

Ford said, "Stanley, what is it?"

Stan wheezed until his lungs ran out of air.

Concerned, Ford leaned across the kitchen table, lacing his hands together. "Did you find Bill?"

"M—Mhmm."

"He hasn't hurt Mabel, has he?" Ford asked, flashing back to their conversation earlier. "Or—or Dipper? Anyone?"

Stan bit his lip and shook his head. Tears of laughter pricked the corners of his eyes.

"Did he... put some kind of laughing curse on you?"

Stan shook his head more emphatically. "H—" He couldn't get one syllable out before he had to choke back his laughter again. He pounded on the table.

Grasping at straws and defaulting to the first worst case scenario he could think of, Ford said, "He hasn't found a way back to his true form, has he?"

Stan let out a noise like a balloon that had been untied and unleashed to fly around the room. "I MEAN—"

"Gooood afternoon, gentlemen!" Beaming brightly enough to rival the sun, twirling an umbrella like a cane, Bill strutted in.

Ford clapped one hand on Stan's shoulder, clapped the other over his mouth, and turned away, shoulders shaking. Stan smacked Ford's arm in sympathetic hysteria.

"I see we're all in high spirits today!" With the brazen confidence of an illegitimate prince marching into a throne room to demand his crown, Bill strolled through the kitchen, barely sparing the Stan twins a glance. Mabel followed behind him, grinning from ear to ear. "I wouldn't mind some spirits, myself." He paused in front of the fridge. "Could someone—?"

As the closest person to the fridge, Ford pulled it open, then turned to watch so he could make sure Bill didn't do anything he shouldn't with the food. This required him to look in Bill's direction. He curled his lips into his mouth and bit down. His eyes watered.

"Finally." Bill hungrily surveyed the inner contents of the fridge, grabbed an armload of condiments, a jar of pickles, and a tub of leftover chicken nuggets, and dumped them on the nearest counter. He tried to reach for a bottle of spoiled and incredibly fermented corn syrup toward the back of the fridge, banged the sides of his cardboard helmet on the fridge's doorframe, and quickly backed off and felt the corners to make sure they weren't too damaged. He had to turn sideways to reach the bottle without hitting the edges of the fridge. One corner of his mask tipped over a bottle of apple juice. Watching this performance very nearly killed the Stans.

"There." Bill triumphantly set the bottle on the counter, grabbed a can of alphabet spaghetti that had been forgotten on an open shelf, and asked, "Where do you have the bowls hidden?" He rapped on one of the cabinet doors with his umbrella.

The sight of the umbrella knocked Ford out of some of his hysteria. "Where did you—?" He snatched the umbrella out of Bill's hands. "No weapons."

Bill gave Ford a withering one-eyed look (Ford suspected his other eye was glued shut with paint), then elected to ignore him. "Shooting Star?"

"They're down here!" Mabel opened one of the base cabinets. Bill retrieved a bowl and started filled it with his condiment haul.

"Okay," Stan said, voice strained with suppressed laughter. "Okay, what—what are we looking at?"

"A masterpiece of cosmetic art," Bill said. Mabel's grin widened.

Ford elbowed Stan across the table. "Do you remember the 'living statue' performers on the Glass Shard Beach boardwalk?" he asked. "The ones who'd paint all their skin and clothes gold—?"

"Oh yeah!" Stan let out a bark of laughter. "That's exactly what he looks like!"

In his bowl, Bill had layered mayonnaise, Tabasco sauce, mustard, sour cream, and maple syrup, and carefully stuck in as many chicken nuggets as he could without the mix slopping over the edges. He got Mabel's help to stick it in the microwave, then turned toward the Stans with a smug grin. "So you agree that I look like a work of art."

"No," Stan said, "they looked like idiots, and so do you."

Bill scoffed. "You don't know anything! You look at a human body, and all you see is a human with things stuck on it. I can look at a human body and see a canvas. I've stripped this vessel of its association with humanity and transformed it into an idol of myself."

Mabel loudly cleared her throat.

"Okay, she did most of the work. She wouldn't even let me do my own mascara."

Ford seriously considered the artistic merit of Bill's proposed "human body sans humanity as art material" paradigm. After a moment of deliberation, he said, "You have cardboard taped to your face."

Stan slapped the table. "HA!"

Bill opened the alphabet spaghetti can, slopped half into a glass, filled the rest with spoiled corn syrup—whose fumes were powerful enough to completely sterilize the sinuses of everyone in a five foot radius—and then filled the can with corn syrup as well. The mixes bubbled threateningly. The absolute picture of good cheer, Bill announced, "I'm the most beautiful thing any of you have ever seen. It's just too bad your closed little minds can't enjoy the marvel in front of you." He stirred his toxic alphabet spaghetti concoction with a pickle spear.

Stan watched Bill mix his drink in mild alarm. "What in the world are you making?"

Bill held his wrist over the glass and a knife to his wrist. "A Bloody Mary."

Stan's alarm increased. "No you aren't."

"That's your opinion." 

"Where did you get—!" Ford leaned over to snatch the knife out of Bill's hand.

"It was in the fridge, it was sticking out of the leftover casserole!" Bill rolled his eye. "Re-lax! I wasn't pointing it at you." He lifted his drink, nearly poured it into his eye, caught himself at Mabel's shout of alarm, took a sip through the correct hole, then inspected the thick gold lip stain left on the rim. "Huh." He looked at Mabel.

She shrugged. "I could have set the makeup with baby powder, but I thought it might dim some of the sparkle."

"You chose form over function. I respect that." He sipped his drink more carefully.

The microwave went off, Mabel opened the door, and Bill scooped up his condiment-and-nugget stew and both alleged Bloody Marys. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go be handsome somewhere else—"

The corner of his cardboard helmet banged into the kitchen doorway. He dropped one of his drinks, stumbled against the wall, and looked in dismay at his syrup-and-spaghetti-sauce-soaked skirt. He turned to Mabel. "How's my head?"

She grimaced. "We... can fix that with tape."

Bill sighed. "Come on, let's do it before my nuggets get cold."

"Now hold on!" Ford stood up. "Are you going to clean this mess up?"

"No!" Bill was out of the room. Ford could already hear him tripping on the stairs. "You don't trust me with a mop!"

Well. It was true, they didn't trust him with a mop. Sighing, Ford trudged across the room. "I'll get it."

Stan said, "You know, I think I'm glad he looks like an idiot. He's been so mopey the last couple of days, I was almost starting to feel bad for him."

"Thank goodness, you too," Ford muttered. "I was afraid I was going soft."

"Nah, he really was pathetic," Stan said. "Like a sad show poodle that doesn't understand why it's been shaved in weird shapes."

Ford barked a laugh.

Once the floor was clean, Ford confessed, "I've—actually really worried about that. Going soft, I mean. I'm... afraid that Bill could find a way back into my head."

"Literally or emotionally?"

"Emotionally." Ford paused. "Both, actually—but right now, I mean emotionally. The night he burned his hair off, I..." He winced at himself; but he needed to tell Stan. There was no one else he trusted to give him a reality check. Maybe Fiddleford, but... Ford hadn't figured out how to approach him about all this yet.

He put back the mop, to have an excuse to pause and gather his words. "I... brought him something to eat," Ford mumbled. "And, told him I knew what it was like to be trapped in an alien universe, and—that he should take better care of himself, for his own sake—and I don't know why I said that! Anything good he does for himself just makes things harder for us! It's not as though I forgot that, but—What? Stanley, why is this funny."

Stan had started laughing; but he cut it off a cough. "Sorry. It's just—do you remember how Mom would go 'Well, I can tell you two are related' any time we did something—you know—twinnish?"

"Don't tell me you've been making sandwiches for Bill."

"Ha! No, but I've given my arch nemesis a pep talk when he was having a mental breakdown. I felt bad for him!"

Ford chuckled. "Really?" He dropped back into his seat. "I didn't know you have an arch nemesis, who's that?"

Stan considered Ford's reaction if he admitted that his nemesis was that ten-year-old with a crush on Mabel, and said, "Ah, he's been out of my hair for ages. So what, is that all you talked about?"

"Somehow it turned into him trying to convince me he'd been planning a welcome party when I fell through the portal."

"Ha! And did you believe him?"

"Absolutely not." Ford paused thoughtfully. "But—part of me wonders whether he believes it himself."

"He seems like the kind of guy to buy his own bull." Stan shrugged. "Nah, I don't think you're about to fall off the wagon. Just don't let him fast-talk you into any decisions and don't buy anything he's selling without telling him you'll think it over for twenty-four hours. And the more he says decide now, the harder you say no.��That's how the pros get you, they don't give you room to breathe, let alone think."

Ford was pretty sure Stan was just describing the Mystery Shack's souvenir sales strategy; but he nodded slowly. "I know exactly what you're talking about. When I gave him permission to pilot my body, between the first time he mentioned it was an option and the moment I agreed to it... well, I was asleep at the time, so I can't be sure how long it took—but I'd guess it was less than fifteen minutes. In retrospect, I couldn't believe that I'd agreed so thoughtlessly. But I suppose that's exactly what he wanted. And I'd already trusted him to make so many other minute alterations to my mind..." Which made it all the more suspicious that Bill had only waited until right then to "offer" to pilot Ford's body. No room to breathe was a good way to describe it. Never mind being nose-to-nose with somebody trying to pressure you into a sale—how do you take a step back to get a little space from somebody who's already inside your head?

"Did he make it sound like a limited-time-only deal? You know—'buy now while the price is low, you'll regret missing this offer'? But with more mystical woo-woo phrasing, I mean."

"Not exactly, but..." Ford tried to remember back that far, grasping for the details of the conversation—the real conversation, not the heady, excited version he'd summarized in his journal. "At the time, I'd been worried about falling behind schedule on the portal's construction. He wouldn't have had to introduce an element of tension—it was already there. All he had to do was exploit it." He shook his head. Falling behind schedule. What schedule—the one he, himself had made? He was sure Bill had encouraged him to finish as fast as possible, too.

"There, you see? You got swindled by a professional swindler," Stan said. "What's important is that you know what he is now, and you know his tricks. He won't get you the same way twice. I'm not worried about you."

There were a couple of odd thuds from upstairs, accompanied by a yelp from Bill. That wasn't odd; he'd proven to be remarkably clumsy in a human body. At any given time it was possible to tell where he was by the random bangs, and if he hadn't made a noise in the last five minutes it meant he was curled up safely in his window seat.

What was odd was hearing Mabel's voice: "Careful, careful—! Augh. ... I'll get another sheet of cardboard, we'll replace that!"

Stan and Ford looked warily toward the stairs. Stan muttered, "Mabel, on the other hand..."

Ford nodded. "I'll keep an eye on her."

####

(Thanks for reading, y'all! Edit to this chapter from 1/16/2025: From time to time I get comments about how well I've "edited" this story to line up with TBOB—which is irking, because I've been working on this story since over a year before TBOB came out, and some of the most TBOB-compliant things in it were written months before TBOB was even announced. And it's petty & insignificant, but by golly, I want the people who didn't read the rough drafts to know just how little I had to change to make it fit the book. So I've decided to add author's notes documenting what was and—more importantly—what was not changed to line up with TBOB.

So! Edits made to this chapter as a result of TBOB: basically nothing of importance. Changed "their parents took them to a therapist" to "their parents took them to their therapist" to reference the fact that the kids' parents are going through a rough patch; inserted a single sentence referencing the fact that Bill's rewired Ford's brain a bit; changed one sentence from "I don't think he'll get in your head" to "I don't think you'll fall off the wagon" to allude to how Ford calls himself a "Cipherholic" in TBOB; added a sentence where Mabel suggests he try bangs; and added one sentence confirming Bill could do his own mascara if he wanted/was allowed. And that's it.

The rest (including Bill implying he suspects the zodiac is to honor him rather than defeat him, talking about therapy at all in relation to Bill as something he probably needs, Bill jumping at the opportunity to share weird info about the human body, Bill being very enthusiastic about treating the human body as a canvas to be improved with art of himself...) is all pre-TBOB.

Anyway, if you read this far, I'd love to hear your thoughts!)

[rin-and-jade]

What's Going On?! : A Guide on Dissociative Barriers

Too many time blindness, meals missed, work untouched, stuff's disappearing to nowhere, now feeling dehydrated from who knows when--EVERYTHING'S ALL OVER THE PLACE!!

The fact systems struggle with these things everyday.. It's definitely frustrating to keep things consistent, let alone make some progress. But is this forever? Definitely not, or else this post wouldn't even exist.

Let's get to reading or else it's Joever.

Fast Pass: Unavailable - every word is important!

What are Dissociative Barriers?

In simple terms,, it can be explained as mental disconnections from knowledge/skills, memories, or experiences--they are not gone, but barricaded and unable to be accessed due to defensive/protective measures to isolate potential stressors or threat from a person.

This is caused by multiple brain regions being unsynchronized which interrupts the natural process of integrating awareness (either sensory or mentally) and recalling memories. It is not a real 'wall' to be honest, though it is actually closer of a cognitive split.

Not a real.. wall?

Well, yeah, because dissociative barriers are mainly correlated with poor/disrupted communication between the prefrontal cortex which is responsible for control over memory and attention, the amygdala which is responsible for emotional processing and memory formation, and lastly the hippocampus which is important for consolidating and organizing how memories are kept and retrieved. In short, these barriers are caused by limited memory function in the brain instead of something keeping up barricades inside there.

Can the severity change?

Absolutely, and it's a wildcard that can change your system's routine or healing phases for the better or worse. I wouldn't say that dissociative barriers affect all system functions, but it's one of the main reasons--especially a tough one to tackle with, that makes integration/healthy multiplicity/final fusion difficult.

With that being said, there's various factors that influence the tides of your barriers:

Stressors (can be internal, external, or both)

Emotional regulation (better regulation means lower, so is the opposite)

Dissociative and Maladaptive coping mechanisms (being less grounded will breed more barriers)

Mental rigidity or flexibility (being curious and open about your system does lower barriers)

(Un)regulated nervous system (your vagal tone compliments the ability to control fight/flight response, which disrupts many cognitive functions)

Your level of awareness (higher means less affected by potential barriers)

Take notes that sometimes, your barriers will still be holding strong and high even if you have worked on most, if not all these factors above. If this happens, consider working on unfinished pain you have been gripping on to finally relieve the need to wall it up with dissociation, which will generate a significant difference.

Ah ok.. Tell me the difference please!

Alright, ill simplify it as both High and Low severity:

High barriers are associated with;

More distinction - alters have drastic differences in behavior, beliefs, or memory

Shifts in demeanor - which people can often notice while system lack insight about it

Severe amnesia - unexplained gaps in memory oftentimes

A high barrier is where survival is still prioritized over growth or healing, and temporarily blocks them from learning emotional regulation.

Low barriers are associated with;

More similarities - sharing same goals despite maintaining self-agencies and their own preferences

Less shifts in demeanor - systems gain insight and able to control external impression, maintaining a more stable 'singlet persona'

Lower amnesia - due to better communication and cooperation, gaps are not the main issue now

A low barrier is where growth starts and when you're no longer just surviving, but also thriving. It can also be seen by having more fluid switches and less dissociative 'hangovers' .

But, aren't barriers helpful..(?)

I know what you're trying to say, and i agree true it can be helpful--although it is never always going to be beneficial. It may have been the first go-to when you're facing something that you could not process or handle, but over time things will change and the current solution couldn't provide you the same benefits as it should be,, or even, create more issues in the long run.

This can be a tough pill for some people to swallow: dissociative barriers are not there to solve your problems. They're only here to postpone it until you can go back and finish what's not done. If you were to utilize dissociation to function on a daily basis, it could be a sign of avoidance or an outdated coping mechanism until it is replaced with a healthier one.

Added, there's have many reasons why this is a bad thing to maintain--one of them (and most important) is how it keeps everyone separated (which means trauma isn't processed) and comfortable in their own identities (which removes the priority to clear this deep-seated dissonance) . When you're happy that way, it'll mean missing out or being unaware of what's the deeper problem, which often roots back to splitting or forming new alters to tank pre-existing issues, rather than truly solving it--the very thing perpetuating the disorder.

Lastly, i am putting emphasis on how it is derived from coping mechanisms such as compartmentalization and suppression. Lowering dissociative barriers are not just for reprocessing trauma, but to also learn feel safe, and working through the mess without relying on more damaging methods.

How do you tackle this then?

Glad you ask, it won't be a guide without solutions,, i'll explain them in just three simple phases:

Learn how to ground before anything else. This helps you train resilience so dissociation will not hinder you as much than the usual

Document and/or communicate. Jot down anything traumatic that any alters hold, this will serve as your own homework to process thoroughly to prevent relapse or any other negative habits

Finally process them. This ensures the last phase where dissociative barriers are actively tackled, in addition to solving unfinished pain which is hindering your function and daily life

It takes time and skills, so don't rush them,, and do it in your own pace.

Takeaway

Before i even say a closing... yes, im alive,, yes i did enjoy my long break! In fact, it is what inspires me to make this post and an upcoming one at late march/early april--it'll be about fictives.

Also thanks to @ratinacoat for beta reading this guide, who helps ensure the utmost quality and prevent misinformation that's written here <3

--

Your parts are not enemies, the disconnection is. Although dissociative barriers are made to protect a person from overwhelming stress, it doesn't have to define your future too.

What will be your next step to implement this knowledge after reading this post in your healing journey? Let me know if you have any questions regarding this topic in the comments.

- c

[v3nusxsky]

hey! could I request a nsfw work for Emily prentiss / nb! reader (afab)

im really bad at requesting stuff so I’m just gonna make a list I hope that’s okay!!

After a really tough case you just need Emily to take all control and fuck you senselessly and she agrees but also she is concerned about you and makes sure you’re okay

dom Emily and sub reader (bdsm vibes) Emily is hard dom but also really soft and caring, she instantly switches from “using” the reader’s body and degrading them to showering them with kisses and compliments

safe word use (love me some good communication!)

overstimulation kink / multiple orgasms!

mommy kink

praise kink

no strap on stuff please!

aftercare (fluff :)

thank uuu <3

Mommy has you baby 18+

*Authors note~ felt like our em deserved a bit of love too Yano? Yea I'm writing fics instead of uni just to cope and then finishing it off on the train 😭*

Trigger warnings~ mommy kink praise kink degrading sub r dom Emily safe word use aftercare thigh riding eating out fingering tribbing overstim

Prompt~see aak^^^

This case was a rough one for you, it's not uncommon that a case would get an agent a little more than normal, especially when it held a personal tie to their lives or past. For you, it was poor girls who'd lost their lives just for being who they were. And by a "friend" none the less was heartbreaking. Reminding you of the time where you were almost one of those girls but thankfully you had been taught to defend yourself at your FBI academy.

The blank stare you held the entire plane ride told Emily one thing. You needed her. You needed to feel, to be pulled from the memories of the past to the present. And luckily, Emily knew just what she needed to do for you. Unfortunately , this wasn't either of your first rodeos for needing this sort of help and support. And you'd develop a code to show consent. So it was to no surprise that when Emily asked you if you wanted to "reset" that you nodded silently and made your way to the car.

After your silent drive with your girlfriend you immediately got out of the car and made your way inside to your bedroom. Emily knowing you needed space pottered around shutting the house up and preparing for what was to come. When she made her way to the room you were stripped bare, much like your emotions, on your knees for her. She loves to make you sit pretty for your mommy, head down with your hands on your knees while she stalked around the room in heels. A clear display of dominance.

"What do you need sweetheart?" She held her authoritative tone to show you she expected an answer. "Mommy to make it better" you whimpered still not moving from where you were stationed. "Well then why don't you be a good little slut and fucking earn my help" Emily growled moving to out a head in your heat and tugging it, causing you to yelp out but follow her lead. "Oh don't whine! You know you love it, a little pain slut is all you are."

Next thing you knew you were being pushed onto the bed and your lover straddling your thigh. "Flex" she demanded before starting to grind her hips downwards to seek friction. I'm a constant to her degrading words her smooth hands were constantly touching your skin. It didn't matter if it was your pretty tits or your arms the touch remains light and gentle. "Oh you are a good slut for mommy, letting mommy use your pretty body for my pleasure. Isn't that right my sweet girl?" She mewled as her hips began to lose their rhythm. Knowing she was close you sat up to latch on to her rose bud and sucked harshly. Exactly how she liked, causing her to cum hard. Like a mindless doll you allowed Emily to work her way through the first orgasm of the night, happy to serve. Emily made quick work of shredding any remaining barriers preventing you from being skin to skin.

The raven haired woman shifted to her knees before licking where she'd drenched your thigh, bitting the silky smooth skin just the right amount to draw some blood. "Mommy wants to play with her doll now baby, can you be a good girl for me?" She murmured in between soothing the bit and pressing open mouthed kisses to each thigh. "Yes mommy" you whined  before Emily took a bold swipe of your soaking slit. "Oh! Mmm" you mewled giving Emily all the encouragement she needed to lap at your pussy like a starving woman.

"Let me hear those pretty moans sweet girl. Moan for mommy. I want to hear those pretty noises when you cum for me" Emily mumbled into your cunt, the vibrations sending you over the edge and rewarding her efforts as you mewled in pleasure. Only when she was sure she'd got all her reward did she pull away from your core, chin glistening in your arousal and cum mixed together. "Check in baby" she whispered coming to press sweet kisses all across your chest, up your neck, to your cheek, eyes and nose before your plump lips.

"Emerald" you panted out. Laying beneath her with your pupils blown wide and a beautiful flush over your neck and there swells of your breasts. "Greedy whore tonight" she mused before trailing her fingers south of your body to your sensitive clit. "Mommy!" You whimpered as she made contact. "Oh hush, you'll take what mommy gives you, gosh you're practically a bitch in heat with all this filth down here. A whore for your co-worker, doesn't that make you feel ashamed dirty girl" Emily teased you while her fingers trailed your folds before slamming into your awaiting hole.

The shame only aided the bubble of arousal to grow in your stomach as your love hit the right spot inside your spongy walls with each stroke. Effortlessly she had you close to the edge within minutes and begging for her to let you cum. "Such a fucking whore" she mumbled with a roll of her eyes but never slowing her pace, "be a good cumslut and cum now bitch!" Emily growled her left hand digging into your hips hard enough to leave bruises for days.

"Shh darling, you did so good my love, so good. One more okay one more" she murmured over and over as you rode the pleasurable waves. "No mommy! Can't do more please" you cried well and truly on your way to where you needed to be mentally. You knew your safe word and when to use it which is why Emily manhandled your body to be on top of her own. "Such a slut. Move your fucking ass!" She grumbled smacking your thigh which caused you to adjust into the position she wanted. You couldn't help but sigh as you felt the warmth radiating from her core. "Mommy" you mewled softly as you slowly began to rock your hips against hers.

To be gracious, Emily let you have a few minutes of pathetically rutting against her before she changed the position muttering that you were no more than a useless slut who couldn't even do something so simple. From there on Emily took control of the pace and made sure you could feel everything. "Lavender!" You sobbed through gasps causing everything to halt. "Okay sweet girl, all done, no more. My good girl."

Nothing else mattered to Emily Prentiss apart from you in this moment. She had to make sure you were okay. Instinctively, she moved to cuddle you up into her bare chest and rub your back as you sobbed. Your body shook for minutes until you managed to gain a bit of control. "Mommy?" You muttered into her skin, "I'm sorry." Those two words single handedly broke her heart, "oh sweet girl, you have nothing to apologise for, mommy is so proud of her girl. You did so well for me darling, my pretty girl I couldn't be more proud or in love with you. Mommy is here okay?"

Some time passed before Emily attempted to gently shift away from you, "mommy needs to clean her precious girl up and then we can get into bed and snuggle okay baby?" You nodded in understanding and tried to hide the whimpers when the cool wash cloth hit your over sensitive folds. "All done my girl" Emily murmured quickly ridding herself of the cloth and joining you in the warm bed. "Thank you Emi" you murmured when she gathered you in her arms again. "Always baby, no matter what you need." And that was how it would always be, no matter what you needed Emily would move heaven and earth to give it to you.

Word count ~ 1488

[storgicbytes]

rolls up sleeves. today's short guys.

the short brought me SO much to think about — particularly, how the news outlets DO exist in the outernet, and how the showdown was seen from the stickcity — which does confirm that if they were around, it was impossible for vic not to see at least bits of it before.

so in this post i am . once again . compiling my thoughts into a big victim theory that tied in my Head

victim theory: the point the show went down

again. warning this is me going on a RAMBLE that is so insane that i constantly switch from one topic to another. expect insanity

in case i interpret something incorrectly in your opinion, or forget a major detail — feel completely free to add on! my memory is horrible

so. presenting the thing that the outernet and the internet are connected with each other, yet still have a barrier in-between them there is a possibility of outernet citizens not having access to it full-time. at the same time, so much stuff is digitally reliant on pc tech that i doubt outernet sticks wouldnt know about it at all

im thinking that when victim has been ‘unsaved’, one way or another — they couldve gotten into the outernet, also one way or another (this is a raw supposition that it would happen that early but). which made them separated from the pc/internet in the first place — severing them from knowing about how things really work there aside from what they learned when needed to survive, as well as knowing about the existence of other cursors.

and given the last, when showdown happened — this was their first cue to become involved in the whole hollowhead tragedy. a thing they didn't know before due to being out of the pc — which was also the point where they became obsessed with revenge.

we now DO know that the outernet has news outlets; whether they saw it on the news or themselves, this was their first step into getting revenge. (at the same time, seeing it on the news would sort of? elaborate on why rocket tech most likely also streams news n such. perhaps as some weird kind of thanks "for showing me where my torturer was" or, perhaps, wanting others to see what has been going on too/how much of a danger cursors are. it would support the freedom guy=victim theory just a tad bit if victim Did care about stick rights prior showdown)

(another point — i must mention that we now know that sticks have phones, and most likely their own in-gadget social media now — but we don't know if they have the same internet as humans do. honestly the whole reason why the theory of sticks not having full access to internet didn't crumble yet.)

going to investigate, either by themselves or having already been in rocket — they could've possibly found the tech dark owned (as well as the mega blaster that literally shoots things in the ip sky) and, importantly, dark's own portals to the internet — and perhaps, have used them, for minor things and scraps or, something bigger. like actual travel.

whether by connecting the cursor with alan or not, by the point of them getting into the internet they DEFINITELY saw what happened with them, chosen, dark. (ava 4 as well, but it is talked about later.)

and thats the point where theyd get the adobe tools = i believe they would have to go to a pc to get them, but i also am not against the possibility of them just. downloading it cracked or something. they got the tools and. if thats the point where they left the pc/internet and didnt come back (perhaps, danger of another user) it mightve been the reason they didnt know about the powers of second.

this whole thing elaborates on why they found the showdown in chosens memories first — having seen what happened, they wanted to fully understand what went down — perhaps where such power came from. it was kind of.. impossible to see sec from such distance? and there werent any news outlets seen next to the showdown site itself, which could explain why they didnt know about secs powers once again.

the thing that makes me doubt this in a way is the reason why they didn't go to alan right away, having acquired the adobe tools. but there is a thing i believe might explain that — victim saw, and realized that chosen, dark and them are peas of the same pod; that they managed to destroy alan's computer — and that they don't have such power to do the same ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(:{)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

having came back to the outernet, with the adobe tools — they might've started to enact the plan of getting revenge by gaining power that they first lacked, now especially that they had some tools to do so. them getting the instruments that outernet citizens didn't have before, perhaps didn't fully know about — they could've been seen as someone who brought something special to the outernet. they could've been a person that, aside from revenge, would want to protect sticks (it would genuinely clash with how they treated chosen, but at the same time i can believe it was their own anger of not getting what chosen "had". power and ability to get revenge on their creator.) — being seen as some sort of saviour or, at least, someone powerful — this is how they could've gotten up the career stairs of rocketcorp in the first place.

what makes me think of the box episode — this could've been the point they have acquired enough power to challenge alan, causing them to FINALLY hang up posters after 5 years (sorry it just tied in so well in my mind thats why i capitalized it. like holy shit thats the reason for posters being late as shit)

knowing about the showdown, they wouldn't put up dark as well, whether she was mia or . yknow.

what EXACTLY the power to challenge an animator, a god requires. oh this is a brainworm of mine.

knowing about the showdown#2, perhaps having investigated it itself — could bring back the theory of dark being captured by rocket and, perhaps, being in her weak state — used by victim in order to gain more power that they lacked. victim could've known about how challenging dark was to beat + how chosen and dark managed to destroy chosen's computer = a recipe to gain power to go at alan themselves.

and have finally gained enough power, whether with dark or not — they could've went for chosen, who WAS active — and difficult to beat.

finally being ready to go at alan, they went to get the only person alive that was connected to him.

i could also bring in the fact that they COULD'VE possibly tried to go at chosen for using his own powers for themselves as well — at the possibility of them being "good and powerful" in the eyes of society, being a "saviour" — capturing a well-known terrorist, moreover brainwashing citizens (a raw assumption, but perhaps even rocket) into thinking that they need to get him to get revenge on a person that murders sticks — that it is something that they were okay with doing. at the hands of their own, bitter desire for revenge.

one thing that contrasts it all, however — showdown has happened when ava4 already happened. and in case victim went to investigate their roots — it would've been impossible for them not to know about sec. but at the same time, orange used his own wit (and a small sprinkle of chosen silhouette flashing) to try and defeat noogai — and he didn't !! alan has trapped and spared him on his own !! which could've made them think it's not someone worth paying attention to, someone isn't powerful enough that they may need.

i must mention that it is possible for victim to gain the adobe tools without looking at the hollowhead's history after they were created at the time. for example, stealing the app and not opening youtube to do so, lol — but the whole existence of alan's tv makes it at the same time impossible, and at the same time — so confusing on why victim did not know about sec's powers.

im clutching my pearls . oh god this is so long

im going ins

i would APPRECIATE ALL of your input!!!

[lgbtransgirl]

Plural terminology and fun facts since I'm bored and high on a small road trip. If anyone is questioning about being plural or seeing lots of stuff with no context I hope this helps!

Please correct me if any of these are wrong!

Plural/System= Someone who has multiple separate identity states within their head, quite literally being multiple people

Alter/Part= A single individual identity states within a plural person

System/Alter origins= How a person became plural/how a specific alter came to be within a system. The two main types are Traumagenic and Endogenic

Traumagenic= A system origins that means formed by trauma, usually during childhood. Being a traumagenic system is a prerequisite for Disassociative Identity Disorder (DID), as well as Other Specified Disassociative Disorder (OSDD).

Endogenic= A catch-all term for a system origin that does not involve trauma.

Introject= A type of alter/part that is a projection/copy/representation of a person, character, or other thing that is not-you. This can be a celebrity, a movie character, a book character, a TV show character, etc.

Factive= A specific type of introject that is a real person. This can be an abuser, a friend, a celebrity, etc.

Fictive= A specific type of introject that is of of fictional works. As an IRL example, my boyfriend has a Sonic the Hedgehog fictive.

Amnesia Barrier= A memory, set of memories, group of memories etc that is literally walled off so that certain alters can't remember those things. This is common in Traumagenic alters so they can hold memories of trauma away from the rest of the system to keep the system functional.

Headspace/Inner world= While these two are technically slightly different, they are both essentially an imagined place within the mind of a plural person where all of their alters reside. I at the very least use this space to switch in and out of the front when not super chaotic as well as communicate with my alters. Mine is a big house.

Edited for readability, terms are now bolded & italicized

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

~*~

1. I'm looking for a story that was set in more modern times and Wangxian are both female, LZ moved to America and was chronically injured, sometimes stuck in a wheelchair, believes WWX dead until she runs into her in America, LSZ is being brought up at the Lan compound by LXC @readingdj

FOUND? 🔒 everything's going to be discovered by everythingispoetry (M, 98k, wangxian, F/F, Modern Cultivation, Reunions, Soft Wangxian, Female LWJ, Female WWX, Family Feels, Soft LQR, they are all softies, Starts with angst ends with fluff, it's a progression, bamf everyone really, Hurt/Comfort, Disability)

~*~

2. I remember it was on ao3 and Wei ying was presumed dead from the waterborne abyss but then washes ashore some days later alive I think he was found by LQR or LXC @i-cant-think-of-one-meh

~*~

3. Hi I have two very vague fics that I'm trying to find A) a fic where yuan named the burial mounds bunny mountain or valley? Something to do with bunnies. I remember it was a yiling Wei sect fic but that's it. B) a fic where Wei Wuxian pretends to date lan Wangji. I remember lan Wangji had like a see through wall in his bedroom or at least a big house/apartment? Or something and Wei Wuxian stayed with him for a bit. It could have been a sugar baby AU but I know it was fake/pretend au and that they slept together. I think they had a misunderstanding or something and broke up then confessed to each other? Sorry all I really remember is them going to Lan Wangji's apartment at one point 😅

3A)

FOUND! 🧡 Never Again by Hauntcats (T, 67k, WangXian, WWX & WQ & WN, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Angst, Not JC Friendly, BAMF WWX)

~*~

4. So I came back to the fandom after about a year and a half and I can’t for the life of me find a story. I don’t remember much, but it was like a murder mystery or something. Or a threat to Jin Ling’s life. But at the end, a girl was killing people with voodoo dolls and was trying to kill Wei Ying with one.

I’m hoping this is in the same story, but they were in a lighthouse and a resentful ghost was murdered and sealed in the structure.

I’m sorry I’m not giving you much, but hopefully someone knows what I’m talking about. Thank you!

FOUND? And I Will Call You Home by Spodumene (E, 42k, WangXian, Case Fic, Post-Canon, Getting Together, Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Love Confessions, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood, Ghosts, Suicide, Explicit Sexual Content, Attempted Sexual Assault, LWJ whump, Original Character Death(s))

~*~

5. Hii hope you all are well. Um this fic was modern wwx somehow getting transported into the wuxia version and kind of gives therapy to everyone I believe they were also viewing the past it's not rly a jiang family fix it but I think the ppl that died came back. I think wwx mentions that ljy in the modern world is older than lwj @thatperson0-0

Hi I'm number 5. Sadly the fic was not found :(. If it helps, modern wwx is engaged/married/dating modern lwj and when the two wwxs switch, past wwx and modern lwj have yk in the modern world and when he comes back he mentions wanting to try the stuff he learnt with past lwj.

NOT FOUND! Wrong Turn, Right Place by diamondbruise (E, 71k, WangXian, Time Travel, kind of, it’s more reality travel but there’s modern wwx and cultivator lwj, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jealousy, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Misunderstandings, Cultural Differences)

~*~

6. hello I would like to request help in finding a modern Wangxian fanfic on Ao3 in which they are I think starting university & WY has 2 cores one golden core and a dark core from resentful energy with I think a reincarnation theme too for WY seeing LZ triggers both his cores & memories then faints which leads to LZ building a barrier around them & helps WY merge both cores together to save him also both their families are alive with baoshan sanren being close with Wangxian like a grandmother also LZ burns baoshan sanren hand when activating the shield also LJY & LSZ are immortals with LSZ gone into a meditative state and that JWY is an idol as he is unable to cultivate as he returned the core back to WY this particular piece of info I think was mentioned in the ending notes, this is all that I remember of it hope it helps. thxs @1p1rose1

FOUND?🔒 Because you loved me by ThisIsWhereTheMagicHappens (T, 133k, WIP, WangXian, NieLan, SongXiao, Canon Compliant, Modern AU, College/University, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, supportive family, POV Alternating, a lot of cultivation, they reincarnated, but not everyone remembers, the lan and wei parents are alive and caring, Happy Ending, No war, Hurt/Comfort, Mpreg, magical mpreg) but it doesn't match exactly

~*~

7. I need fic finder help 😭 I cannot for the life of me find this one fic or remember the name, but I remember it very clearly.

So the premise was that the Lan soloed the SSC after the Wen attacked Cloud Recesses, and LWJ was sect leader (and chief cultivator??) after. He demanded a person be given to him (as compensation?? To show the sects alliance to him?? I forgot the exact reason) and WWX saw it coming a mile away that it would be him chosen to be handed over. Everyone was terrified of LWJ and was certain WWX would be miserable, but LWJ knew it would be WWX they sent and because Wen Qing vouched for him LWJ treated WWX like he deserved instead of how the sects thought he'd be, and got the shock of their life when they ended up married.

The last chapter I read (and the last update I saw, it was a (nearly finished?) wip last I read) Wen Qing sent a notice that LXC, who'd been in a coma for the entire fic up to that point, was awake.

If anyone can find this fic, I'd be eternally greatful 😭

FOUND! golden when the day met the night by glitteringmoonlight (Not rated, 95k, slow burn, sugar daddy LWJ, light, angst, fluff, developing relationship, eventual smut, WIP)

~*~

8. There is a fic I'm looking for. After wwx comes back in Mo village he decides to just stay there and run the town for several years as mo xuanyu and I can't seem to find it on AO3 @mortavita

FOUND? focal, filler, and line by bosbie (T, 26k, wangxian, canon divergence, flower shop au, fluff, hurt/comfort, pining, falling in love, WWX is not recognized in Dafan mountain, slice of life, WIP) WWX stays in Mo Village and is noticed by LWJ 3 years later the out-of-season flowers "Mo Xuanyu" sells have touches of resentful energy on them

FOUND? Gave my Heart and Soul by mel_darling (T, 47k, WIP, WangXian, Hurt/Comfort, References to Depression, Survivors Guilt, Angst with a Happy Ending, Misunderstandings, wwx knows Lwj was the one who kissed him, Canon Divergence, Panic Attacks, AnxietyPining, Healing, Gardening for the soul, Accidental Child Acquisition, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Nightmares) It doesnt take place over years but the premise is similar.

~*~

9. Does anyone have that threadfic where omegaverse a!WWX donated sperm for money and o!LWJ bought it? LWJ had two(?) kids with the third on the way when the two of them met and toward the end one of the kids got injured and had to go to the hospital which is how they found out that WWX was the donor

~*~

10. I’m looking for a fic where Wei Wuxian is helping Lan Wangji move in, only to get pinned to a sex bench. Turns out Wei Wuxian is one of a very small subset of males who can get pregnant, Lan Wangji found his e-reader, and calmly decided to divest them both of their virginity. It is not nearly as dark as it sounds.

FOUND? Touch me, tease me, fill me up by Lanwangjisnights (E, 5k, WangXian, Modern AU, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, BDSM Scene, Domestic BDSM, Restraints, Bondage, Rope Bondage, Double Penetration, Double Penetration in Two Holes, Boypussy, Vaginal Sex, LWJ Has a Big Dick, Daddy Kink, Pregnancy Kink, Consensual Non-Consent, Vibrators, Sex Toys, Rough Sex, Overstimulation, No Refractory Period, Aftercare, Marriage, Proposal, WWX POV, First Time)

~*~

11. Hi! I’m looking for this fic, I don’t know if it was time travel, but one of the main things was that Wei ying, lan zhan, jiang Chang, and Jin Zixuan became martial brothers. Thank you!

FOUND? Quartet series by WithBroomBefore (T, 69k wangxian, JZX & JC & WWX & LWJ, Canon Divergence, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, WWX's canonical comfort with the prospect of his own death, Hurt/Comfort, JZX makes friends, Eventual Happy Ending, some unhappiness along the way, Canon-Typical Violence, JC keeps his golden core, JYL Lives, WQ Lives, Minor Character Death, Kissing, WWX Lives, no golden core transfer, JZX Lives, Fix-It, WN Lives, Weeping, temporary major character death, Murder Road Trip, Implied Sexual Content, Sunshot Campaign, Nonbinary NHS, Telepathy, platonic group soulbonding, Family, Found Family, POV WWX, Podfic Available, Siblings Sworn Brothers, aroace JZX, Happy Ending, all the Wen remnants live, POV JZX, JGY is less murdery, Asexual Character, Aromantic Character, JZX's social awkwardness, Poison)

FOUND? The Same Moon Shines series by sami (E, 799k) since the asker specifically mentions time travel, I wonder if it's Sami's time travel series? at least the main continuity, where WWX is the time traveler. the sworn brotherhood isn't central like in Quartet but it's still a key plot point.

~*~

12. Hi, I’m looking for an abo fic (o!wwx and a!lwj) where wwx is sent to the cloud recesses in an arranged marriage bc madam yu thought he would be miserable there. Lwj is super cold to him at first and I think wwx is left kneeling in the cold during his preheat? Lwj also doesn’t want kids with him, which makes wwx upset. Xichen and wwx end up becoming good friends, wwx solves the water abyss with talismans, and lwj warns wwx about associating with xichen since the elders would cast them in a bad light, and wwx takes this as threatening him. @vellialavellious

FOUND! To Bring You Back Within My Reach by ablaiseofglory (M, 20k, WIP, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, No dubious consent, Adopted Children, Kid Fic, A/B/O Dynamics, omega wwx, Alpha LWJ, Orphanage, canon levels of physical abuse, aka cloud recesses punishments, Verbal/Mental Abuse, Misunderstandings, so many of them, a comical/horrifying amount, Depressive Thoughts)

~*~

13. Hii this I'd for fic finder

I'm looking for a fic where wwx and wq pretend to be married, a yuan as their child when wwx confronted the jins about qionqi path, in the end I remember he also married lz ( after a misunderstanding where he accused him of infidelity). Thank u ☆

Hii I'm number 13 on the recent fic finder, it's unfortunately not what was recommended :')

I remember more of the story , wwx and wq were married out of convenience to save her family, they had children together but never slept together, when wwx told lwj he loved him , lwj accused him of being bored of his wife or something (they got married in the end, there was implied mpreg I think & lwj was referred to as second madam wei)

Not FOUND that is a door by ShanaStoryteller (Not rated, 7k, WWX/WQ, Marriage of Convenience, POV WQ, Post-War, Canon Divergence) if the asker is certain about marrying LWJ then it's not ShanaStoryteller's this is a door, but otherwise it might be

Not FOUND🔒the tragic and entirely true story of the romance between the yiling patriarch and his wife, most renowned doctor of her generation by ravenditefairylights (T, 18k, WangXian, Non-Linear Narrative, Post-Canon, but also during canon, Character Study, Canon Temporary Character Death, excessive use of personal headcanons, Baby LSZ, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Oblivious WWX, Rumors, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Heteronormativity, Fake Marriage, Chronic Pain, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining)

FOUND? 💖 The Epic Lie of the Yiling Laozu and His Wife by JaenysBloodcourt (T, 9k, wangxian, WWX/WQ, fake/pretend relationship, fake marriage, misunderstandings, lies, jealousy, BAMF WWX, yiling wei au)

~*~

14. Hello I am trying to find a fic that is a modern reincarnation au, wei wuxian and nie huaisang are reincarnated roommates, but lan wangji is immortal and from the canon time and he fights a big ghost head in their apartment which is wuxian and huaisang’s first experience with cultivation in this time

It had maybe two chapters then didn’t update for like a year and I gave up and closed the tab for it but that was a big mistake because even unfinished I still think about it for some reason

~*~

15. Hellooo im really trying to find a fic where weiying travelled back in time to gusu classes and tried to end his life with his sword and everyone get scared there's a similiar fic called (un)hidden but it's not the one im trying to find can u please help me find it

FOUND? 🔒 Without end by barisan (M, 69k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel, Suicide Attempt, Hurt/Comfort, Depressed WWX, WWX Needs a Hug, WWX Needs Therapy, Protective LWJ, Good Uncle LQR, Bad Parent YZY, Bad Parent JFM, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Canonical Character Death, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Time Travel Fix-It, YZY Bashing, JFM Bashing, WWX Protection Squad, WWX Has Self-Esteem Issues, YLLZ WWX, Forehead Kisses, hand holding, Scheming NHS, Wēn Remnants Live, Broadway References, Yúnmèng Jiāng Sect Bashing, Literal Sleeping Together, Feelings Realization, Like Speedrun, First Kiss, sentient resentful energy, Medical Inaccuracies, Sentient Burial Mounds, Protective Siblings, Soft WangXian, BAMF WWX)

FOUND? Better Off Without Me by lindgrsl77 (M, 2k, WIP, WangXian, Suicide Attempt, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, WWX is not okay, Time Travel, Happy Ending)

FOUND? For the Best by Weiyun (T, 5k, WangXian, Suicide Attempt, Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Angst, Canon Divergence, Time Travel)

~*~

16. Hi ☺️ I'm here again for finding recs that I have forgotten the title but not the storyline part ... Well for starter it's like watching their show but they time travel(?) Also there was a scene that while they were watching the library punishment when they get to the book that's when LZ thoughts of the library incidence were broadcast to everyone and any other fantasies he has but they realized it was only his not really happened. And they didn't know this until they watch it... I dunno how to find it 😔 @myst1210

FOUND? Song of Joy and Regrets by HelloKitten (Not Rated, 134k, wangxian, hualian, WIP, TGCF, Angst, Self-Harm, Child Abuse, characters watching their series, Time Travel Fix-it) chapter 31

~*~

17. hello this is for ficfinder.

A) it was a modern au in which wwx is lan yuan's art teacher and i think lwj has adopted him, the fic starts w lwj being late to pick him from school. wen ning is the receptionist at the school. at some point wwx and lwj and a yuan also meet at a market and end up eating together.

B) there is a series in which basically everyone ia simping over wwx and he also finds a way to get his own body back and everyone is like oh you really wee HOT and i think the series named smth similar to simping over wwx but i cant seem to find it.

thank you

17A)

FOUND! 🧡 paint smears on sunny days by SnowshadowAO3 (E, 53k, WangXian, Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Everyone Is Alive, Modern AU, Dadji, Mutual Pining, Happy Ending, Brief Alcohol Mention, Masturbation, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Accidentally co-parenting with your son's art teacher, Fatherhood)

17B)

FOUND? Simping over WWX is my fave hobby Series by brrrrrRawr (T, 10k, WangXian, WWX's original body, Fluff, Pet Name,s Blushing, No Smut, Genius WWX, yunmeng bros reconciliation, endgame lotus pier, big bro wwx rights, also dad wwx rights, BAMF WWX, Bad Writing, Body Dysphoria So OOC, world building, cliff diving, corpse wrestling, OOC, Canon Divergence, god WWX, god WN, god WQ, child JL, teenager MXY, xuanli get resurrected, rip nmj tho, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, BAMF WWX, BAMF WN, BAMF WQ)

~*~

18. hi! I just remembered a fic I read a while ago but I can't find it now and I really wanted to read it again. So what I remember about it is that it's set in cql verse and wei wuxian was taken to the nightless city. He was planning on learning about wrh's demonic cultivation and so he kind of tries to make wen rouhan favor him while secretly learning demonic cultivation. Wrh fell for it and he kinda made wwx his consort and lwj thought wwx really betrayed them. please help me find it T~T

I can remember but I can't find... But I remember that I think WWX still had a golden core. He made Chenqing to let WRH think he was only playing music to help him concentrate on creating the Yin Tiger Seal but actually WWX was using it to use demonic cultivation to create weaknesses in the Seal that he could exploit later (and also to try to protect his golden core grin the resentment). Chenqing becomes semi-sentient and wants to help and protect him. In the end he shatters the Seal while shielding everyone else from the backlash and almost dies in the process, because he drops Chenqing and so she can't protect him.

FOUND? 🔒 Pendulum by ShippersList (M, 69k, wangxian, graphic depicitions of violence, rape/non-con, underage, A/B/O, Canon Divergence, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Misunderstandings, Canon-Typical Violence, Spies & Secret Agents, Fake Character Death, Slow Burn, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, BAMF WWX, Attempted Sexual Assault, Canonical Character Death, Mutual Pining, Good JGY, Introspection, Self-Sacrificing WWX, Love Confessions, Protective LWJ, past child sexual abuse)

~*~

19. Hi! 🥳 Happy new year! And also thank you so much for your hardwork for the past year. I hope you will also help me with this as well.

I’m looking for the fic wherein Wwx went to the bunnies. Wwx was shocked because they went to him and some bunnies actually nuzzles his tummy. Wwx find it odd since usually bunnies don’t like him. Eventually, they learned that the reason why bunnies wwx now because he’s pregnant 🫄.

Hi! I’m the fic finder #19. Thank you for helping but unfortunately I think this is not the one. Though they are similar, it still different because in the fic I read, there is a scene where wwx scolded the bunnies like saying ‘You only like me now because I’m pregnant’ like that.

NOT FOUND! How strange... the bunnies like me! by Selene210 (M, 3k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Using bunnies as a way of discovering pregnancy, Mpreg, Mild Smut)

~*~

20. Can you please help me find a fic? Lan Zhan decides to leave the Lan clan and to do so he has to cut his hair. Wei Ying finds him by a river and helps him with the hair cut. I don’t think they had met prior to this, it is possible Wei Wuxian had already also left his own clan? Anyhoo, they go on to live together and it is very domestic and sweet.

FOUND? my life’s journey is far from over by thelastdboy (E, 148k, wangxian, modern au, canon divergence, PTSD, post-sunshot, everyone lives au, depression, suicidal thoughts, unhealthy coping mechanisms, slow burn, case fic, recorvery, healing is a slow process, kink negotiation)

~*~

[indigochromatic]

Some Musings on Plurality and Mental Health (had a conversation about this earlier today, but we've also been thinking about it generally for a while, so hey, why not, post time) Something that frequently tends to get lost in the noise of discourse but is, imo, actually pretty relevant to system community spaces of all kinds, is the realization that many (I'd venture to say most) systems of any kind, origin, dx, whatever, often have concurrent struggles with mental health issues of one kind or another. Not every system or every person who experiences multiplicity in a significant way has a Textbook Case dissociative disorder (or even a diagnosable dissociative disorder at all, depending on your framework for thinking about what does and does not fall under the scope of the label). But also, that doesn't necessarily mean they aren't dealing with significant mental health challenges: - A lot of systems are queer in one way or another, and many have had to deal with the dangers and insecurity and heartbreak of being queer in our current society. - A lot of systems are autistic/dyslexic/have ADHD/have other kinds of processing differences that have affected many years of their lives, especially if they went through any kind of education system that tried to force their brains into something different, told them they were broken, and facilitated social isolation in one way or another. - A lot of systems, even those without dissociative disorders, have other mental health diagnoses. Depression, anxiety, personality disorders, schizophrenia and related disorders, etc. - A lot of people overall have undergone traumatic experiences in their lives at some point (or multiple points), which we all know have significant aftereffects on mental and emotional health. Also, there's multiple global crises that have been going on for a while, of which the COVID pandemic is just one example, which means a lot of new and exacerbated mental (and physical!) health issues for a lot of people in the last few years. So, what's the relevance of all this?

To us, it's yet another reminder that the idea of an easy division between "disordered system" and "non-disordered system" is frankly illusory. For anyone whose experiences of multiplicity/systemhood/plurality/etc are a significant part of their lives and functioning, that relevance will extend to their struggles with mental health, regardless of whether the mental health issues they're having fall under DID/OSDD or not. Control over switching, new or worsened in-system conflicts, system members being differently impacted by traumatic experiences, degree of dissociative disconnect vs ease of internal communication and memory sharing, system members experiencing and presenting symptoms of mental health issue differently, dysphoria over external-body-vs-internal-self mismatches, increased dissociation overall as a collective coping mechanism.... all of this is stuff that lies at the intersection of any mental health issues and systemhood, potentially, not just "DID/OSDD + its associated classical presentations and etiology". If a parogenic system fell into heavy depression over the quarantine, they might start experiencing more negative dissociative symptoms, and they'd also have to figure out how to navigate the mental health support system (such as it is) while plural. If someone with PTSD from trauma in adulthood decides to look into daemonism for comfort, and finds themselves more and more feeling like a system, they may or may not qualify for DID but they will still be contending with healing-from-trauma-while-a-system. If a system without memory barriers or other apparent issues gets long COVID and has their whole lives upended from new disability, their presentation may start looking more like a dissociative disorder. None of these examples are necessarily exactly the same as having DID or OSDD (...depending on how you define the scope of those diagnostic labels, which is a complicated question all of its own), but they're within a spectrum of related experiences that involve both mental health disorder and plurality in an intertwined way. Which, I guess, is a long way of saying: There is no specific diagnostic category or label that someone has to fit in order to be suffering and need support--and that includes systems as well as singlets.

[ratinacoat]

plz just ignore this if you dont wanna answer it and im srry if it's inappropriate /gen

hey, uhmm.. I'm endo neutral leaning towards anti endo. and I thought for a while I might be a system, but I don't have trauma so I cant be

i have kinda multiple personalities.. they talk sometimes and I switch between which one I "am"

i dont have amnesia, or memory barriers, and I don't disassociate (basically I dont fit the criteria for did)

i see a lot of endos talking about stuff like that and it makes me feel kinda guilty because I don't want to seem like im saying I have a disorder that I don't have

so I dont say I'm a system

do you know if there's something else that causes "multiple personalities" and minor auditory hallucinations

-👾

You should talk to a therapist or doctor. There are other things that can cause that, I'm not going to name a bunch of them cause that seems very counter productive for this situation. If it's causing you significant distress don't just brush it off as being endogenic, actually try looking for help when you have the ability to. In the mean time just look into helping yourself with individual symptoms instead of trying to figure out specifically if you're a system or not.

[alchemicaladarna]

I've had a little more time to gather my thoughts after today's events, and while I do still feel sad and upset that this particular chapter has come to an end, I'm still very grateful that it happened.

I'm so grateful to all the good it has brought so many people. Helping many communities around the world unite and be able to talk to each other, breaking down language and cultural barriers just to freak out about their favorite cubitos.

I'm grateful for all the memories we made. The good and the bad. The sad and the happy. The ones where we all laughed at the silly moments and cried in the tragic ones. I'll look back on them very fondly, and I'm so glad to have been a part of the journey for most of the way.

I never thought I'd get back to watching another SMP after the dsmp ended to be honest. I was just kind of there for that server because I joined at the very end and only watched clip compilations and stuff. So when I heard Quackity was launching a server with Spanish and English speakers with some CC's who I already knew previously, I thought, huh. That's a neat concept I guess. I might not stick around for very long, but I'll check it out I think.

So I began to watch Phil's pov and vods, and I'll never forget the first time I saw an egg live- and just how their characters and stories completely captured my heart in a way that I can't even begin to explain. After that, I decided you know, I might have to stick around for a little while longer. And lo and behold, a year later, here we are.

I also admittedly didn't watch every streamer's pov so I'm not knowledgeable in every character's story, but because of you guys here on qsmpblr, I really felt like I was a part of every community when I read everyone's posts, theories, admire art, or fics people would write too.

I've switched povs a lot throughout the year and I just wanna say thank you to the Crows, Doozers, Jaiden fans (I forgot what you guys are called I'm sorry D':) and especially the Ghosties <3 for keeping me company. I genuinely feel so blessed to have interacted with all of you. Thank you for having me.

And yeah Ghosties, because of your streamer, I'm permanently stuck in that bell now so thanks a lot /j XD

To every fan, on tumblr and elsewhere, thanks for keeping this project- the characters and all the memories we made of it- alive in the fanart and fanfiction. You guys all work so hard and are so very talented too!

To every admin who was part of the project. Thank you for pouring so much love and contributing so much of yourself to the server. It wouldn't have been the same without you. Regardless of if you were a builder, an actor, a writer, etc. you made this project beyond amazing. If it weren't for you, I doubt this project would have reached the same heights that it did. Thank you for all the love, the memories, passion, and care you gave to the qsmp. You all are the best <33

A special thank you to my fellow ghosties here as well. Bad has genuinely become like, my comfort streamer this last year, and I wouldn't have discovered him if it weren't for you guys going crazy over his lore on the dash XD

Thank you everyone. Thank you admins. Thank you CC's . Thank you everybody. This was a wonderful experience and I hope this won't be the last.

This place will always hold a special place in my heart but for now...obrigada, merci, gracias, and buenas noches everyone <333

[unwelcome-ozian]

Hello, I had some more questions about programs breaking down. Do the programs themselves stop working? So say scramble programming or pain programs do they null? Places in inner world like castles literally crumbling for example? Asking this because we experienced some scary stuff happening lately with what we assume are things breaking down. All of the symptoms match up

Do you perhaps have more information on stuff like that? As well as alters being able to cause pain from programs does that stop as well?

The programmes aren’t necessarily what stops working. Parts/alters can also stop responding to the trigger. The thing(s) in place that leads to a triggered response becomes ‘extinct’. 

Parts can stop doing their task when they feel they are safe. They can work towards realising they no longer have to harm the body. 

Programming tends to break down at the around age of 30. It isn’t as if on their 30th birthday things fall apart. Programming breaking down is a process not a crash. This can occur if the person is away from the environment. In one's 30's, memory recall, thought processing speed, and the storage space for new memories begins to decline.

Dissociative barriers that may be present in survivors of any type of abuse or trauma begin to break down over time. As survivors get older, especially around midlife (starting between ages 35-50), the dissociative barriers in the brain, which contribute to the survivors ability to function at a higher capacity without having to process the trauma, begin to break down in ways that often cause disruption to the survivor’s life.  When this happens, trapped feelings, beliefs, and forms of coping initiated by past events seem to make their way to the surface of people’s lives. Some of the beliefs and feelings that occur may be related to conditioned responses induced by abuse from the past.  As emotions, thoughts, memories, or beliefs that have been contained in pockets of one’s personality that are trapped in the past (sometimes also experienced by emotional parts that feel separate from the individual now experiencing them) begin to be noticeably experienced by the survivor, the experience can be very confusing and overwhelming.   Some of these symptoms of the breaking down of dissociative barriers may include intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety or depression that doesn’t seem related to the present, also panic attacks, urges or actions toward self-harm, suicidal ideation or attempts, increased urges or actions toward other types of coping behaviors that seem out of the ordinary.

Some signs of programming breaking down are:

Becoming aware of aspects of programming is an indicator that the programming is beginning to break down.

Parts of the system will want to return to handlers (Home)

Inside programmers will attempt to find parts who are defying programming, and attempt to shore up programming from the inside.

Flashbacks

Rapid switching

Attempting to leave

Confusion

They may speak in coded language

Panic attacks

Insomnia

Regression

Isolation

Repetitive motions

some alters may go mute

Become lethargic

Alters going dormant

Alters may hide

Become verbally or physically aggressive (This occurs when the system perceives a threat from the outside. The person isn’t going to randomly attack people. The system will feel very vulnerable, and weak during this time.)

Alters become severely depressed, suicide attempts or completion

Self harm

Oz

[rin-and-jade]

Oops.. I’ve Lost Track.. : A Post about Unintended Time Traveling

Have you ever mistook that today’s thursday and not a wednesday even if you’re so sure? Have you ever wondered why time flies so fast while nothing’s done for the day? Or maybe when those “five more minutes” promises turned into hours until its too late?

Then you might have problems with keeping track, managing, and predicting how long it takes to do something,, this is called time blindness. Which is common among neurodivergent folks.

So it was time travel..?

Surely, but not as fun as how movies convey them. Time blindness can affect people in different ways, such as:

Losing track of days, hours, or to minutes; not being aware how long it has been.

Have a faster/slower sense of internal clock. Meaning, minutes can feel like hours or vice versa.

Problems being on time to appointments, events, and etc; due to faulty predictions on how long it takes for something, such as dressing up or driving to the location.

Trouble remember when was the last time you ate a meal and drank water.

Over-focusing on a specific task/ interest and miss a huge chunk of your routine (compensating or catching up).

And more..

It often affects people with ADHD; but not always limited to autism, depression, anxiety disorders, OCD, bipolar, CDD, and even a byproduct of constant stress itself!

For the plurals out there:

There’s it’s own set of experiences + the addition of the general ones before, such as:

Time looks disoriented due to switching and lost sense of chronological anchor (can’t remember the previous moments to make sense how long time has gone by).

What happened long ago e.g. 1 month, felt like it happened last week. Vice versa.

Alters perceiving sense of time in different, varying speeds.

And, with the addition of CDD’s high comorbidity with other conditions that may worsen time blindness.

Systems can have a harder time due to the existing amnesia barriers that fragments memories, and sometimes this can be super stressful to deal with--but fret not! For whoever needs some tips, i gotchu.

What should i do??

Let's get straight to the point, here's the steps:

Create a routine. If you're prone to missing work or leisure due to it, or need to get things done on time,, having a planned schedule or routine will be the most important part. You can do this in any way preferred, for example, sticking to a 7-day plan that has your school/work/breaks in it already,, or if you're sporadic, you can pre-plan what to do for the day and jot them down as the goal.

Make use of accommodations. Set designated alarms,, maybe for your meals, or hydration reminders, or if you don't want to overshoot that gaming session. Putting clocks that can be visible in your vision also can help keeping you on track. Create checklists to keep track of your chores or whatnot. Maybe write down notes on today's progress, anything with your own creativity!

Break work into smaller steps to ease up. Sometimes procrastination can accompany time blindness, leaving us to do 0 work until its near deadline or the day is almost over, separating the tasks to smaller bits and do them in pieces on your own pace. And sometimes your focus is prone to wander to places if the task is too long or tedious/boring, so this also helps.

Be aware of which activities you're prone to forget time. List or remember them so whenever you wanted to hop back in a special interest, actively remind yourself beforehand and you may make use of number 2.

Lastly, commit to it. This is where all the magic is at, and there will still be days where it tumbles apart and you miss a couple of things.. don't worry, we all are never perfect, there'll always be a day or two where everything's messy and miss that deadline or other stuffs. You haven't failed, keep going.

I hope this could serve you hope that your time blindness is 100% manageable, this post is for every neuro-spicy folks (and systems) out there who's struggling with it,, and i hear your struggles! Feel free to add on your experience or engage with the post if you have any further questions.

(This post is applicable to everyone in need)

- j

[ghostly-roses]

Alright, kiddos, progress report time!

Those of you here for Mizu, I’ll add some context where available. Those for InuYasha and his friends, I feel Mizu would appear at least after The Red Tetsusaiga Breaks the Barrier, maybe even after the Band of Seven arc. I have the interactions between Sango, Kagome, and Miroku learning about Mizu’s gender planned out. InuYasha for another time, but he knows instantly because of his nose.

Starting with Sango

This would be on day two of Mizu being back in time in the Sengoku Jidai. Sango and Miroku return to the village after subduing a demon and chasing a dead end lead for more jewel shards. Sango is on her own taking care of Hiraikotsu’s (her boomerang) maintenance when Mizu approaches her about a practice sparing match. The demon slayer takes it as a man wanting a quick victory for his ego after losing to InuYasha (not how the fight ended).

Mizu responses by taking her hair down and pulling her top opening, revealing her bindings. “What? Are you not ‘soft’ enough for a little rough and tumble?” Echoing Chiaki’s (minor antagonist in Mizu’s time) words in her childhood.

Sango is surprised at the revelation that this man is a fellow female warrior as well. She accepts Mizu’s invitation.

The art above is after their match, talking about their weapons like the construction, materials, and maintenance.

Sango keeps Mizu’s secret upon returning to the village.

The group goes off for the hot springs that night. The girls and Shippo go first but Mizu finds a little outcropping for herself. Sango hears her and calls for her to join them. Before a confused Kagome can say anything, Shippo agrees. Things click into place quickly for the young schoolgirl. InuYasha’s defensive and slightly protective tone when speaking about the mysterious man. That pretty Ronin is a pretty woman.

Mizu appears around the rocks with her stuff in her hands. The group greets her warmly. Mizu doesn’t say much because she’s sooooo far out of her depth and embarrassed by the whole situation.

Kagome gives her some reassurance before they switch out with the boys.

When Mizu awakes on the third morning, she’s feeling off about the night before, lingering negative thoughts followed a night of bad memories. In a rare leap of faith for herself, she confides in the monk about her current unrest. Miroku suggests some meditation and offers to show her a good spot, a lovely waterfall.

While preparing to go in the water, Mizu undresses upon realizing Miroku is gawking back shocked. She assumed he and his friends all knew via InuYasha. “He didn’t reveal me?”

“He-? InuYasha? No! Of course, he’d hide a beautiful woman right under my nose.” The monk’s tone sounds pissy yet understanding and like he expected something like this from his friend. He then collects himself and asks Mizu if she would like to continue with the meditation. She agrees.

Meditation is mostly uneventful. Aside from one rogue hand and Mizu putting the fear of the Kami in Miroku’s being with a single glare. She feels more at ease as well.

[luxlitemidnight]

I need to have more streamlined terminology for the stuff I talk about on my created system blog. Like here's terms I often want to refer to but I don't have a easy and consistent way of doing so

Created systems who started as singlets (pure created systems? Really hate the word pure here but I'm not sure what else to use)

Created systems who added created headmates into an existing system (mixed created systems. Specifically want to specify that creation took place AFTER the rest of the system already existed. Otherwise they're pure created systems that had something else happen later)

Intentionally created plurals (Tulpamancy, willogenic)

Unintentionally created plurals (some soulbonds, catharigenic)

All plurality except created plurality (non-created systems works pretty well for this tbh)

System creation that isn't about creating headmates (could just refer to it by specific names, like headspace creation, but maybe something like structure creation? Creation skills? This would include learning switching, imposition, creating memory barriers, etc. Meant for use by everyone not JUST created systems)

In-progress headmates vs fully established headmates using a term that doesn't invalidate eithers existence

I could probably just lift some of the language straight from what I wrote on here but some things still puzzle me.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

medical negligence tw i suppose? im not sure.., i reference having experienced childhood abuse but do not specify what kind or anything about it, but i apologise if i missed something

looking for advice preferably

hi!!

i've been trying to work out if i'm a system/have did for a while now. i've tried going to my mental health team but either they ignore it or one time i was asked "are u on tiktok bc multiple personalities is very rare" and then the dr didnt consider the symptoms further. i tried bringing it up with my gp but i think he thought i was actively psychotic. i have no option to go to another mental health team as i am in the uk under the nhs and cant afford private therapy

i definitely experience significant disassociation (derealisation and depersonalisation) as well as significant memory gaps which is documented by my mental health team, but no one seems to be taking me seriously on anything else. idk if maybe im just completely wrong and thats why?

i have done the des 2 and sdq 20 questionnaires and scored high enough that it would indicate did, but obviously this is not diagnostic.

idk anyone who is part of a system i can talk to and i feel completely alone in my experiences i just want to be able to say to myself ok that makes sense ur probs part of a system or no that doesnt seem right but ur definitely struggling with something but i just dont know how i can do that myself. im so overwhelmed by all of the information.

ive had a lot of symptoms that are early indicators (from what i can tell from what ive read) for a long time, but the "switching" (which i think it is) has only started happening relatively recently, as ive begun to uncover some memories of childhood abuse i was previously unaware of. its also not for long periods of time and i have no real understanding of whats going on with it either (none of the others has a name afaik)? i have distinct memory of the the others getting extremely angry when i was made aware of their presence for the first time which i think is making things more difficult. there is a complete communication barrier almost constantly between me and them where i know what theyre talking about but i cant be involved at all. there is a lot of other stuff too but i dont want to burden u with a full list of symptoms.

i just feel so lost, i just want to be able to go through my experiences with someone who understands or has experience with did/being a system but i just dont know where or who i would even go to?

tysm for ur help!!

Hey anon,

It can be very frustrating when your medical team doesn't take you seriously. I would also posit that if you have other diagnoses, they may discourage your team from looking into a systematic dissociative disorder. However, that's still not an excuse for their blatant disregard and dismissal of your concerns. You deserve better.

I suggest keeping track of your dissociative episodes, moments and times you feel you have "switched," what caused those instances, etc. I would also find some DID/OSDD/etc communities that are welcoming of questioning people, or those struggling with knowing if they have those disorders or not.

No one here can diagnose you as we do not know your whole history, or you personally. But we are happy to answer any questions you have.

This is a link I have to a post about DID/OSDD/etc and self-diagnosis which may be of use to you. It is based on the DSM-V, which your professionals may or may not use as you are in the UK. The ICD-11 is open source, and you should be able to find the information on DID/OSDD within that via a Google search.

If you have Discord and are over the age of 18, I have a specific server in mind which you may be able to find community with, and would be happy to link that for you if needed. Simply send in another ask and let me know you're looking for that link.

Best of luck,

~Mod Night