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luizd3ad · 4 months

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Every Step Of The Way | Regulus Black x Reader

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ࣪˖⤷ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ࣪ ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 ˖ ⤷

Pairing: Regulus Black x GN!Reader WC: 1,213 CW: heavy talks of depression, depressive episode, depressed reader, self invalidation, no use of Y/N. Author's Note: I've been having a hard time lately and I just needed a comfort fic, this is purely based off my own experience with depression and how I feel when I'm in a depressive episode. If you don't feel like me that's okay, mental health is different for everyone! Just remember you're so valid and so loved <3. Summary: You're just having a hard time but Regulus is always there for you.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

At some point your mind wasn't supposed to be your enemy anymore right? At some point the ‘teen angst’ was supposed to go away and you were supposed to be an adult with relatively healthy mental health right?

The crippling depression and anxiety was supposed to go away with puberty. At least that's what you'd been told, that things would get better and your mind wouldn't mess with you as much.That was what was supposed to happen, but when do things ever go as planned?

The only difference between now and your teen years was that you recognized the symptoms faster, you understood what was coming before it was fully there. Now every so often you can catch it, do things to make the bad thoughts go away or lessen, then other times… you would feel paralyzed.

The numbness would consume you, invite you in like an old friend, along with the loss of appeal to do anything. You didn't want to eat, drink, read, or listen to music.

You didn't want to do anything and sometimes without even realizing you would spent the whole day looking into nothingness.

Regulus would notice the mood change almost immediately. He would pick up on the sign and the overall change in your personality.

Not only would he notice because he was hyper aware of the behavioral changes around him (thank you Walburga. Sarcasm) but also because he dealt with the same feelings.

The emptiness and numbness of it all, it wasn't until Pandora explained it to him that he learned that those feelings were not exactly ‘normal’.

It was normal to be sad, to have a depressive episode here and there especially following a tragedy but it was the consistency that wasn't normal.

The feeling of emptiness that always felt like a shadow following you, the feeling of being the happiest you've ever been but still feeling that emptiness in the back of your head.

It was one of the things you both shared. Sometimes it wasn't a good thing. When both of you were in that state of mind it was hard to help each other, to be there for each other.

How could you stop someone from drowning if you're drowning yourself?

But other times it was a good thing. You knew each other's signs, you two could pick up on the signs before the other person even realized that they were slipping, sometimes. It gave you time to either try and stop it before it went too far or just get prepared.

This was one of those times Regulus knew he needed to prepare.

He had seen you starting to detach for about a day now. Regulus knew this was going to be one of those episodes he couldn't stop, the kind where you were there physically but not mentally.

You just were floating through your days, you were on auto pilot almost the whole day; you weren't really listening, hardly responded and if you did it was short.

Regulus preparing for this meant doing a few things, taking a few days off work, letting Sirius, Pandora and Barty know that he wouldn't be really available so that he could focus solely on you. Making sure your favorite foods were home and ready to encourage you to eat, having some of your favorite movies, books, everything and anything accessible in case you were in the mood to do anything or if you just wanted to try and distract yourself for a while.

It also meant mentally preparing himself to be understanding and patient since it wasn't exactly his strong suit but he'd do anything for you.

When an episode fully hits it isn't always you wake up and start to feel depressed. Sometimes you would be fine most of the day and then suddenly you were hit with a wave of nothingness.

Most of the time nothing would trigger it, nothing would happen, your brain would just decide that it was time to be sad, to be numb, you guessed.

“Mon Amore, would you like to eat something? You can have anything you want.” Regulus touched the side of your face and brought you out of your head. You just shook your head not really looking at him. “No, thank you.” You whisper.

He just nodded and sat next to you. He knew when to pick his battles and since you ate that morning he knew this shouldn't be the hill he dies on.

The rest of the night was spent mostly silence with a few words exchanged here and there, Regulus was there ready and willing to do whatever you needed him to do to make you feel better.

He got you to eat a little eventually and you shared a shower with him. He had helped you wash yourself since you didn't have any motivation or energy to do so.

By the end of the night you were both cuddled up in bed while Regulus ran his hand up and down your back just to let you know he was there.

He liked when you knew he was there, he felt like it helped even just a little, especially to make you feel a little less alone.

Eventually you broke the silence with a sight. “I'm sorry.” You felt regulus's hand stop moving, he stayed silent for a moment.

“Why are you apologizing? You haven't done anything.” By the sound of his voice you knew he was frowning, he knew exactly why you were apologizing but a part of him was hoping, praying, that he was wrong.

“For being this way. You shouldn't have to deal with this. We're not kids anymore, I should be over these feelings by now.”

Regulus sat up, making you sit up in the process, reaching over to the lamp on the bedside table turning the light on. “Do you choose to feel this way? Do you make the conscious decision to feel like this?” Regulus was looking you in the eyes with raised eyebrows waiting for a response.

“Not necessarily, but-”

“Exactly, you don't. You can't control your emotions. You didn't ask to feel this way nor do you choose to. There's no point in apologizing for something that you have no control over. Your brain is amazing and beautiful but sometimes it isn't the nicest to you and that's okay. Do you know why? Because even if your brain is mean sometimes it still makes you who you are and you're so amazing, mon cœur. We’ll take care of this together like we always do. It's going to be hard sometimes but it is not impossible, and I'll always be here with you every step of the way, because I love you more than anything, tu es ma raison de vivre, mon amour.”

Regulus cupped your cheek and whipped a few tears you didn't know you had shedded. All you could do was whisper a ‘thank you’ as you threw yourself in his arms.

You fell asleep that night in Regulus’s arms while he whispered sweet nothing to you.

You weren't better by any means but you felt loved, you felt understood. You knew that no matter how hard things got, Regulus would be there for you, every step of the way.

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

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pupkou · 3 months

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this is opening a can of worms so im sorry but I do think it's really silly that people can't hear other people's experiences without feeling like it's a personal attack on them. me sharing my personal experience with transphobia as a trans man doesn't mean I think I have it harder than trans women, and just because they have it harder because of transphobia + misogyny doesn't mean that I don't also go through transphobia in a way unique to my presentation and experience. it also doesn't mean I shouldn't be able to share those experiences. it doesn't have to be an either/or of who experiences transphobia because we all do. there's different types and they are all terrible.

trans men and transmascs insisting that there is a specific type of transphobia aimed at masculine trans people should not even be controversial. we are not cis men saying we're persecuted for being male/masculine/etc. we are not the ones oppressing and hurting trans women. insisting that we're transmisogynists for creating an ONLINE INTERNET LABEL to make it easier to talk about and refer to the transphobia we specifically as a transmasculine population face is not the activism you think it is and also does nothing to bolster your own community. does it help you to hurt others? or does it tear down a vulnerable population in your community that is not hurting you by posting on tumblr dot com? don't act like you're the virgin mary for fucking calling out transmascs to a wide audience and getting them harassed for having an experience different from yours and daring to share about it

seeing someone hurting because of the transphobia they face and making it about you and then invalidating their struggles is so uncompassionate and cruel. youre doing the same thing to us as you don't want done to you. we know we're not oppressed for being men. like please be so seriously fucking for real. most of us lived as and grew up being treated like women (and many of us still are!!!!!!!) and so we KNOW how terrible men can be-- many of us are victims of them. we KNOW that men are not oppressed and we KNOW that being a man in this world provides you with a privilege. we're saying that despite what being a man supposedly awards you according to patriarchal society, we are not always privileged in that way. and we don't think that it's right that men are privileged nor do we want that system to continue.

the anger and hurt is not directed at disappointment/anger at not being advantaged "as promised", it's at the fact that we're being harmed. that's it. and then when we share that harm, we're dogpiled and called misogynists and people write fucking callout posts over us being like "this transphobic thing happened to me as a trans man." makes sense!

the term transandrophobia is not meant to water down or lighten the idea of transphobia or transmisogyny, it's just supposed to clarify and provide a word for what we go through and feel. transandrophobia is NOT "I'm oppressed for being a man and I'm oppressed for being trans and I suffer equally from these things. hashtag not all men!!!!!", it's "I suffer because of how the world treats me as a transgender man/transmasculine person and I have not been allowed to talk about that because people think I'm saying that I'm oppressed for the man part and not the trans part."

we are on trans women's side and claiming that we also face transphobia in a specific and vicious way does not take away from the fact that trans women face it from an intersectional front of facing transphobia and misogyny in tandem. we are just saying "this is our community's flavor of transphobia and we would like to seek comfort and understanding from people who have gone through similar experiences." we are supposed to be brothers and sisters and this entire argument between what is supposed to be a community is so stupid

#knight rambles #long post #ok im going back to cleaning

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the-jesus-pill · 2 years

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wanted to share an experience i had as an ex christian, probably apostate? idk man i was complaining in a friend's server because a christian friend of mine has been repetitively excluding me from things simply because i am not a christian, and because im queer and trans, and then is upset when i don't really feel like inviting her to stuff. i referred to christianity as a joke, and my friend who owns the server i was complaining in deleted my messages and dmed me to inform me i "complain about christianity too much and i'm probably hurting people's feelings and i need to stop it now" (it had been 3 months since i last complained about christianity in that server) i have had multiple people come to me and tell me i can't hate christianity, despite the fact that i am a victim of abuse, mental and physical, in the church, despite the fact that i have religious trauma. apparently, their right to religion means i can't dislike them? i dunno i was told i "cannot call christianity a joke", and then earlier this morning i witnessed a 12 year old child asking a bunch of older christians for forgiveness for being "selfish" enough to ask for prayer for themselves. if christianity is not the biggest joke i've ever seen, i dont know what is.

Yikes, that's awful. I'm sorry that happened to you. The friend of yours who is excluding you based on your (lack of ) beliefs and queerness? She's not a friend at all. I suppose she's not very fond of the 'do unto others' rule either.

Regardless, you have the right to dislike christianity, especially after having lived through it. Your feelings, your trauma is valid and no one gets to tell you otherwise.

Unfortunately a lot of outsiders (read: people who have never been too close to the religion) don't get what the fuss is about. Most of them see christians as these benevolent, charity-working, praying saints whose biggest flaws are perhaps being a little too prude sometimes and they will fail to understand the amount of lies, gaslighting and manipulation that comes with their beliefs.

In their eyes, christians did nothing wrong and hating on them is "unfair" or "uncalled for".

Sometimes it's just willful ignorance.

I would reconsider putting yourself in a space where people have continuously invalidated your feelings, or at least distance yourself emotionally from them. Of course the choice is up to you in the end, but I advise to think about your mental health. It's better to have fewer friends or work on finding new ones than having friends who refuse to take you seriously or stand up for you.

I hope it works out for you anon! There will always be better people out there who will support and love you the way you are!

#felix speaks #asks #anonymous #exchristian #apostate #religious fuckery

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thtdamfangirl4 · 2 years

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Bisexual people don’t owe you ANYTHING. We don’t owe you proof or explanations, we don’t need to be more queer or less straight or any of that bullshit because we are exactly what we are: bi. We don’t need to be with a person of the same gender to fucking validate ourselves in your eyes. We don’t need to share our dating histories or personal information just cause you want to know. It’s none of your goddamn business, and nobody asks the same questions of straight people, and they rarely ask it of gay people too.

I know this is a community, and that we all have so many shared experiences, but I’m so goddamn sick of the rampant biphobia in the world and so many people don’t see it or think about it or they let it slide. It fucking sucks. I’m sick of defending myself to heteronormative assholes who don’t believe I exist, for whom I am not straight enough. And I’m sick of reading posts from queer people, the kind of people I usually feel safest around, that tell me I don’t belong in their spaces.

In all honesty, I’m an incredibly privileged person. I am. I’m white and grew up in an upper middle class family and I’m able bodied and intelligent and I went to good schools and had a mostly good family, and I didn’t get dealt a lot of difficult cards. All of this is to say that, much like everything else in my life, I don’t really give a shit about myself.

I got fucked up from some things that happened to me, but I never really did anything about it or felt angry until I saw it happen to people around me. I consider my own feelings far less often than I consider those of the people I care about. That’s how I feel about this. So if you want to be a biphobic asshole, direct it at me. I’ve taken it before, and I’ll survive it again. I can hear slurs and bible passages from family and priests and deal with people I considered friends telling me I would never really be a part of the queer community. Throw it at me if you’re a shithead who needs a target cause if I see you doing it to one more kid who’s going to internalize it the way I did, I’ll fucking lose my mind.

We don’t owe you anything, and we don’t deserve your hatred and constant invalidation. Stop erasing us. Stop berating us. And for the love of GOD, stop telling kids who they are or are not supposed to be, or placing labels on themselves that they’re not ready to hand you. WE DONT OWE YOU A LABEL. QUEER PEOPLE OF ALL KINDS DO NOT OWE YOU A COMING OUT. Heteronormative society demands one, because to them, we are outliers, we are strangers, we must announce ourselves. Fuck that bullshit. We owe you NOTHING. Celebrities??? They owe you NOTHING. Believe what you want to believe, but stop pressuring people to reveal their private lives to you. They owe you NOTHING. And especially if that person is young, you have no idea how much damage you’re doing. Stop commenting on everything about how “queer coded” something is. It’s a person’s LIFE. It’s not a code to be cracked. You want to talk about that? Text your friend, tell your roommate, say it to upset your dad. But don’t go yell across the internet void at an impressionable human being (something we are at every age) that you “know their secret.” You’re making it harder. You’re making it worse. I’ve felt this way before, too. Sure of something, sure of representation I so desperately craved. And I still think maybe I’m right. But it’s not my place to yell at celebrities and anybody else I know about coming out, because that’s a deeply personal decision.

Watching an 18 year old who is giving the world perhaps the best onscreen bisexual representation I’ve ever seen get harassed into coming out to get a mob of prying, insensitive fans off his back was something that fueled my anger today. And the people who caused the problem are standing by it, some even saying he’ll be “fully out” by next year. Fuck you. Fuck every biphobic bone in your body. Leave kit alone, leave young adults alone, leave adults alone, stop forcing people to fit into your boxes so you can judge them accordingly. QUEER PEOPLE OWE YOU NOTHING. At 18, I hadn’t come out to anyone except my closest friends, who were also queer. Not my parents, not my siblings, and now, years later, still not to many other family members, friends, or coworkers. We are constantly talking about not knowing what we’re doing through the early years of adulthood, and yet you’re demanding that 18 year old kids have it all figured out, and on top of it, be okay and comfortable enough with all of it to announce it to the world, despite living in a world that still sees us as a secondary group and tells us we’re going to hell. Or that we’re liars. Or both. That’s fucked. Leave people alone.

#I wish I’d learned some of these lessons earlier in life #yes this is about kit connor #bisexuality #queer #lgbtqia #queer people owe you nothing #ranting #bi #bisexual #kit connor #heartstopper

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perpetual-fool · 11 months

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Amoral

I think I can stop feeling sorry about everything, although it hinges on the idea that morality isn't real.

How it started; there's this particular kind of reasoning. In abstract, it's like "Whatever I think must be true, because [bullshit]". And in practice it's like, there's a thing someone wants you to do, and you don't want to do it because it's horrible for you. So you say "I don't wanna do it, it's horrible", and they reply "Oh it's not that bad, you're just being lazy", or "It's only bad because you don't do it enough, and you just need to do it more". But then you do it and it's as horrible as you thought, but then when you tell that to the other person they say something like "Well, you're doing it though, so clearly it isn't that bad". I think the word for this is 'sophistry'.

And I don't think they're trying to pull a trick, I think this is how they actually think. That would explain a lot of the bizarre behavior I've seen, such as the "people have been doing [thing] for [a long time]" argument (which doesn't actually address whatever the issue was). It's invalid, clearly; there's no way to arrive at any conclusion other than the one they've already decided on. But I can't just reject this out of hand, because this is how I was taught to think. The voice in my head has an endless stream of excuses as to why everything I do is WRONG and EVIL, and I need an answer. I was tempted to just give up, since there's nothing I could argue against; it's watertight in its own twisted way. But I have changed how I feel about things before. I've been able to quell the negative thoughts when I found I was factually, objectively correct about something. I can't do the same with 'evil' since that's subjective. But I can prove (theoretically) that I don't have enough information to know that I'm evil. The claims are always missing a premise, or argument, or conclusion, or definition, something. The claims are null. And that has to be my 'out'.

Then, I was considering what 'right' and 'wrong' would be on my own terms. There's nothing that could be underpinning that other than what someone does or does not want. (I'm not going to defend that because it's a Russell's teapot situation, if you disagree then show me otherwise.) Which means, when someone says something is right/wrong/[subjective statement], they are trying to overwrite your values with theirs. And that means that morality as a concept is an attempt to overwrite other's wants by pretending certain values are objectively correct.

So instead, I should have experiences, see how I feel about them, then act accordingly. That's new to me. And that might be one of the reasons this has been so hard; I've been looking for something familiar, like I'll recognize it when I figure things out. But this is alien. And it's real hard not to fall back into the habit of trying to figure out what I'm supposed to think and feel. For now, when that happens, my answers are: "I don't actually know that I'm bad/wrong", "When people just make claims without providing examples, they're trying to overwrite", and "What do I want?"

Lastly, I'm torn about this. These sorts of explanations, like "morality isn't real", are what I would have needed to understand and connect. I'm probably going to reach similar conclusions about friendship, relationships, music as people pretend to understand it. Even just people's personal thoughts and feelings and quirks, I've been on the 'what do you mean by..' merry-go-round enough times to know people would never genuinely explain anything. I wanted to be a part of that world, not debunk it.

I'm not sure I like who I am. I feel like I'm being heartless about everything. There's no magic in the world. I want to care, but I just find things irritating. I can only keep going, I guess.

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thevirgodoll · 2 years

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One of the biggest problems I've had growing up is adjusting to what is expected of me at different stages in life. Do you have any advice around what a young woman should aim to be like/accomplish at different ages (like your teens, 20s, 30s, etc.)?

For me, I never really was a person that conformed to societal expectations. I completely ignored what other people thought because my parents told me that what matters is that I’m true to me! My parents raised me with a certain individualistic mindset, so that’s why I’m like this now. I’m not in my 30s so I have no advice for that stage. I can only divulge what my sister has said... so ask me in 10 years lol.

Teens: The best thing you can do while becoming a young lady in your teens is stay true to yourself. Lots of young girls fall victim to following others and I noticed that a lot.

Always stick to your own values and opinions, learn early on to agree to disagree because that’s not going to change in the next stage of life.

Don’t try to fit in, the best thing about you is your individuality and other girls will see that and notice that. Some will try to make you feel bad about it, that’s called jealousy. It’s going to hurt, it’s not personal.

You will lose some, you will gain some. Learn this NOW! As a young lady, your womanhood may not involve the people you started with.

20s: I’m still in this stage, just perceived as wiser because I carry myself that way I suppose?

What I’ve learned so far is that things haven’t really changed that much...everyone thinks they know everything but you’ll find a lot of immaturity and ignorance still leftover from people not growing beyond their teens.

Leave people behind that refuse to grow in your direction. They will stunt your mission to grow as a person. It sucks, but you will eventually find those that share similar values and similar work ethic.

Become okay with being alone. Rely less on other people. It’s okay to have friends, that’s great. But codependency with lovers and friends is your enemy. You have to get to know yourself early on. This is how you develop and fine tune who you really want to be in the long run. Become more independent.

Don’t rush your time frame. Nobody actually cares about how long it takes you to complete XYZ to be honest. Things happen and rock your entire life. It’s okay to be sick, it’s okay to have grief, it’s literally okay. Stop beating yourself up based on comparison. Your journey is your OWN!!!

Wizards of Waverly Place didn’t lie... Everything is not what it seems. Social media can distort your perception of the entire world. Please stop using it as a lens to view the world, and use your beautiful God given eyes to perceive life. It will change your opinion on so many things. People are actually dealing with things just like you are, they just won’t talk about it. You will encounter that authenticity at some point.

Don’t put on a front to try to become someone you aren’t. Again, you can put your best foot forward and reinvent yourself, but faking and perpetrating is the WORST and everyone smells it from a mile away. No clout chasing either, it looks really unflattering.

Stop being afraid of your own experience and invalidating it. Stop apologizing for feeling. Just stop. So many people in my age group apologize for their trauma or emotions. Stop apologizing for your experience. It is valid. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. This may be easier learned through therapy and again, being on your own. Listen to your body and yourself to recognize when things just aren’t right. Stop invalidating yourself to conform to someone else’s wrong expectation of what they want you to be. Cut those types of people off.

Workaholism can kill you. Productivity culture will grab you by the throat at some point and make you feel like you’re never doing enough but look at the types of people that serves. Especially if you have any type of disability, be easier on yourself for the love of God. It’s ableist against yourself to do otherwise. I have ADHD and I have to unlearn some unhealthy behaviors from being a perfectionist, workaholic "gifted student". Also, if certain things are harder for you than other people, you might want to get that checked out instead of being rude to yourself. Know when to rest as well.

Things are not linear. Confidence is not clear cut. Learning is not done the same for everyone. Adjust to your needs. You’ll always be adjusting and overcoming something. There are tips to make things less traumatic but at the end of the day you have to go through things to understand. It’s not a linear experience for anyone and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar trying to sell you a fake dream.

Discipline comes from appreciation of the craft. It’s not that you’re not good enough, you have to have the inspiration to become disciplined in your craft. If your path isn’t inspiring you to change your life, change paths. And don’t listen to naysayers about what you should or shouldn’t do. It’s your life and you have to live with your choices. If your path is depressing you, change it. It’s scary but every 20 something doesn’t have it all figured out every step of the way. So stop creating that narrative, it’s garbage and force fed to Americans due to the way education is set up.

And lastly, romanticize aspects of your life. There have to be little things that make you want to keep going. You have to create it or find it. There’s things you have to actively do beyond my own advice. It means nothing unless you make the decision. Hold on to things that make you feel alive - your passions, your pets, your favorite spot in the movie, your amateur cooking, I don’t care. Just find it on your own and make your life worth something so no one can tell you about the value of your life. No one can change your mind because over time you have affirmed yourself. You know what's best for you. Most people don't know themselves, so why listen to what they have to say about you? It’s hard, especially with mental illnesses being prevalent in our age group, but you really have to have the willpower to find those things and rise above the rest. Don’t let anyone tell you your dreams are too small. Don't let anyone tell you that it's too late to live your dream life. Don't let anyone determine your worthiness of happiness. Even yourself.

#advice #dolldiaries #confidence

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sadlittlebear-sometimes-beatrash · 2 years

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After you figure it out, you’re really f****** angry. Ideas for Moonknight S2

Hey, hi, hello.

Here’s a dive into Moonknight’s S1 take on trauma healing and what I think would be interesting to explore/expand on in S2.

Moonknight season one maps pretty cleanly onto trauma healing therapy when you’ve got structural dissociation:

Learn that you are experiencing patterns of dissociation

Recognize that something traumatic has happened.

Get on the same page about what actually happened/why.

Differentiate between past/present, over/on-ongoing, sense/nonsense.

The stakes often are life and death, or everything that matters to you.

Protector parts are vulnerable too, particularly to exploitation by others.

The dissociation was a tool/skill/superpower that saved you.

You can learn to work with yourself(s).

Figuring out what happened to you is only the beginning of healing.

Dissociation is a freeze response when you can’t escape or fight when the trauma is ongoing: You disassociate both from what is happening (steven) and from your natural impulses to run/fight (jake), so you can endure and survive (marc).

With that framework, it makes perfect sense that they didn’t unpack Jake in season one. You need to figure out what is happening first before you can process how you feel about it. And how you feel about it is probably very very angry.

Anger feels dangerous and scary especially if you’ve repressed it because you’ve been told it was wrong or bad. Even more so if you’ve had people in your life whose anger made you unsafe. It made sense to me that Marc would avoid Jake, consciously or unconsciously.

Season two could be about how Jake and Marc can’t reconcile on how to go forwards. They’ve been seriously harmed by people who were supposed to care for them, those people haven’t been held accountable, and it's not fair that they have to move on without recourse.

It is also incredibly important the process of seeking justice is incredibly traumatizing. Marc especially has a lifetime of experience being blamed, invalidated, and failed by the institutions that were supposed to help him. It makes sense that Marc would want to put everything behind him and just move on.

As for characterization/arcs:

Everything I’ve read about anger says that it’s there to help you. It defends you, it keeps you from internalizing and accepting things that aren’t fair. It can be destructive and scary but it’s also protective and good. I think it would be really interesting to explore being unable to move on with Jake’s character (particularly if they have to wrestle with their own history of violence/avoidance in the process).

Steven’s character is vulnerable in ways that Marc and Jake aren’t and comparatively inexperienced — it must feel intimidating. Steven struggling with his role in their system and learning to fight/ handle conflict in less physically violent ways would fit with this arc.

Steven was the one who asked Layla and Tawret for help. He’s the only one in their system who hasn’t internalized that it’s dangerous to be vulnerable. He could be the one who could help them navigate through the process of sorting helpful/unhelpful shame, deserved/undeserved blame, and ultimately forgiveness and reconciliation.

So there:

Jake as system defender/detective — Good and just and the right amount of scary. Untrusting of conventional systems of justice, and unwilling to forgive and forget. Focused on finding and holding the bad guys accountable.

Steven as a brilliant negotiator/protector — Being shielded from the trauma didn’t make him weak and naive, it gives their whole system an advantage. He’s not afraid to talk back to authority or to ask for help, and he’s not a liability.

Marc as a very complex troubled man — Wrestling between mercy and vengeance, accountability and forgiveness, and all the complexities that go along with being involved with trauma and justice.

#Moon Knight #Moonknight #moon knight meta #moonknight season 2 #trauma healing #dissociation

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funkymbtifiction · 3 years

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im quite sure i’m an IFJ but it seems like my use of fe is disjointed and isolated, which has become increasingly difficult to live with because i end up resenting people, not individuals i know but just People as an entity.

i’ll try to explain what i’m experiencing and i hope you can verify if this is an IFJ struggle because it feels better when my problems are seen and validated i suppose (i do hope i don’t take up too much of your time!):

i have the person i am on my own and the person i become in the presence of others, except it’s not a singular persona but is dependent on whoever im with as i process their personality and emotional state and respond accordingly to fit them how i can. it feels like i have no control of fe being on autopilot when i’m in a situation with People i have to interact with, that shuts down whatever my introverted dominant function is. the thing is, i do enjoy that shared emotional wavelength but the moment i’m not in proximity of friends i’m forced to recognize, i slip back into my mind my world and i don’t want to be torn from it so i can avoid disappointing people when i’m not able perform exactly to their liking (or really, my own expectations of connection). but i’m torn away from it when i’m around Friends and fe switches back on instinctively. So then i dread People, i dread them for making me feel the obligation to fit and please them and enjoy doing so but have it drain me because i never get to be met on my wavelength that’s just not possible because of fe’s immediate switch so that it’s their wavelength i’m on.

i know this must sound so paradoxical, but if you have any thoughts i would be glad to hear them:)

This is unfortunately common for IFJs and is what causes many of them to fall into Ti-loops and/or not develop Fe properly (out of a desire to remain more detached). The solution is to learn to be more objective about your NEED to adapt to others, by developing FeTi in the right way. What does this look like? Start analyzing your reaction and adaptability to people while it's happening, by looking inside yourself and asking yourself questions (why am I suppressing my true opinion here? is it out of fear of rejection? or would they benefit from hearing another point of view? do I need to adapt to them, or should I assert myself? is this feeling mine or theirs? if it's theirs, do I need to mirror it or can I accept and experience it with them, without assuming it's mine as well?). Writing out your day's experiences, how you felt with people, etc., can also help you "see" what is going on in your head -- it gets out your frustrations, and lets you sort through your thoughts and feelings in order to make decisions for next time (I went along with this, but I didn't like it and I felt invalidated by it, so I should remember next time to take a firmer stand or say no).

It's not bad to be on others' wavelengths and make them feel comfortable ... but it is problematic if doing so makes you lose part of who you are, agree to things you don't want to do, or go along with things that violate your personal beliefs. You should spend some time separate from others to decide what those are, where your boundaries lie, and what you will/won't tolerate, so you know where to detach from people who aren't good for you, and when to let others in who aren't going to expect you not to be yourself.

What is it that you can bring to the discussion? What thoughts do you have to share? what ideas? what beliefs about the world? Do not reflect others so much that you have nothing that is "me" to bring to them -- something unique to you: a product of YOUR thinking. :)

#question #infj #isfj #mbti

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rulerofstars · 4 years

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i love your writings! but maybe we could have some angst??? like um.. levi had an argument with his s/o before an expedition over something and they made up after they came back to the walls?

Sunsets and Mishaps

Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader

Genre: Angst, light fluff.

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of blood, gore, deaths.

Word count: 2,600 words.

Angel: Thank you so much for requesting and for the kind words, anon! I enjoyed writing this one. <3

The taste of the warm, strong tea eased the coldness caused by the chilly morning of an expedition. You have the habit of waking up early and being productive whenever there is one, just to calm yourself down and have a good start before heading outside the walls and encountering titans. Being out there could have two outcomes only, the first, you’d come back alive, and the second, you don’t. Every second spent before every venture is special to you, for no one will ever know what could happen next.

An assuring warmth from the rays that slipped through the window pain sent solace through the dubious mind that bothered your entire system. If the sunrise is this beautiful, then should you be looking forward for the day?

“You’re early, (Y/N)!” Moblit greeted, sitting next to you, and Hanji who has a bunch of different food in their hand sat across you. The latter, your best friend and squad leader had notable dark circles under their eyes, accompanied by the messy hair. Staying up late for experiments, again, you thought.

A piece of bread has been shoved in your hand as Sasha, one of your favorite cadets passed by your table and greeted you with a wink, you smiled at her.

“You are, too.” Hanji scoffed at your reply and glared at Moblit.

“He woke me up!”

“Of course, you told me to wake you up!”

“Not this early!”

“It’s your normal wake-up time! You’re just sleep-deprived, squad leader!”

Because of the noisy quarrel in front, you wanted to walk away and just sleep for a little bit more. These two never seem to hear each other even when they are millimeters close, they always shout!

The atmosphere of the mess hall transitioned from light to heavy when the intimidating aura of the elite squad entered the room. Their mere presence is enough to justify the reasons why they belong in the so called Special Operations Squad, and the number of titans they have obliterated is mind-blowing and you can’t help but to wonder, are they really human beings?

A familiar back profile made your heart flutter, his undercut makes you weak, and the way he held the tea cup as if he’s afraid to break it into pieces.

So he’s up early, too.

“Aren’t you going to kiss your lover?” Hanji asked, making you blush furiously. That question was so sudden!

Moblit immediately interfered, “Lovers don’t kiss all the time, Hanji-san!” He said, earning an approval from you.

Little by little, your whole squad appeared and occupied the empty spaces available. Your eyes occasionally dart onto Levi, who’s quietly listening to the conversation of his own squad and speaks every now and then. You wanted to go to him and spend the rest of your morning with him before you set off outside the walls, but you don’t want to interfere with his time for his squad. You are well-aware of your boundaries. How you should keep your feelings out of missions and focus on the objective. You and him had talked about this kind of matter ever since you’ve started dating.

And how you should keep your relationship as lowkey as possible.

Gentle yet meaningful habits pacified the yearning that burned for the both of you, the littlest things that you make, the slightest details that he considers, is what kept you sane. After all, it was you whom he would come home to.

But, you would not deny how much it irks you. . . to see him too close to another woman, yet not being able to do something to ease the slight pang of jealousy and pain.

“You okay?” Nifa asked, noticing the glint of uneasiness in your eyes, but you quickly shook the feelings away.

To make it believable, you forced a smile on your lips and answered your friend, “Of course!”

You hated how his certain squad mate looked at him the way you do, too. You are too aware of the woman’s feelings towards your lover, and you can’t help but to feel upset. How her small actions that meant something else find their way towards Levi, and how he does nothing about it, how he lets it happen, as if he’s giving her a chance.

Trust is one of the core foundations of your relationship, but you weren’t doubting your boyfriend, you are just. . . jealous. The two of you talked about how you should be open and tell each other everything you feel without any kind of hesitation. It was what made you strong as a couple- the thick line of communication never grew weary.

-----

Preparations weren’t that tedious an hour before the expedition because everything is already put together, thanks to Erwin. Everyone’s already in their uniforms, ODM gears have been checked, so no one is really having a hectic time, or so you thought.

The four corners of Levi’s office sealed every kind of noise from the outside, encaging you both with silence that is sometimes interrupted by the sound of papers shuffling. The captain sat on his chair, facing his desk, while he scanned a pile of paperworks to sign to. Thanks to Erwin.

You sat on the chair in front of his desk, sighing and arranging the scattered papers neatly.

“Levi. . .” You started, trying to gain his attention but to no avail, he did not even raise his head to look at you, but he did acknowledge you.

“Hm?”

Thoughts pervaded your mind, doubts about yourself and the matter that you would bring up to your lover. For once, you became hesitant of the things that you would tell him, but the way your jealousy permeated through the deepest part of your heart offered you no chance to analyze if this was the perfect timing, or not.

“Petra Ral. . .” His eyes focused on you since the mention of his certain squad mate, making you grow slightly more jealous of the girl, “Her actions. . . her actions towards you make me uncomfortable,” You looked at him and tried to read if any kind of emotion slipped through his steel grey eyes, but you found nothing but nonchalance.

“I’m jealous, Levi. I just want to tell you that.” You admitted, looking down and pressing your nails on your fingers. Agitation rushed through every vein of yours, you were nervous and you didn’t know why. Maybe for how her would react or what he would say.

He stopped what he’s doing and sat up straight, staring directly into your anxious eyes, “What do you want me to do?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know, tell her to stop? Tell her about us? About me?” You suggested, and your heart almost stopped when you caught the slightest glint of irritation in his eyes.

“I thought we’d keep it low-profile?” He asked, looking at the papers one more time before arranging it neatly and staring at you again, “We talked about this, (Y/N).” His austere voice sent shivers to every part of your body.

“This isn’t about us,” You muttered, looking down and avoiding his cold stares, “It’s about me, my feelings, Levi.”

A scoff flee from his mouth, making you feel like what you just said was so dumb that he could not stand it.

“You’re being unreasonable,” He spat your name like it was poison out of his lips, and you stared at him in shock. For a moment, words would not come out of your mouth. For a moment, you were frozen and you couldn’t believe what you just heard. For a moment, you were hurt.

You bit your lower lip, eyes furrowed as you stared back at him with the same intensity. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought we were supposed to tell each other things.” Sarcasm coated your voice like sugar on spice.

His fingers flew on his face, massaging his forehead, as if it was too bothersome and stressful to talk with you, “Stop being childish, (Y/N).”

“Then stop being insensitive!” You spat back, raising your voice. Your heart never beat this hard because of a different reason. The way pain and disappointment embraced you right now felt so wrong.

A sigh left his lips, as he pointed towards the door of his office. And you felt yourself drop, never have you ever had an argument so bad that he would resort to kicking you out, or parting ways without talking about it.

“I can’t deal with you right now. . . just leave.”

Tears pooled in your eyes like a puddle being filled by the chilly raindrops of a hail. He made you feel so petty. Your feelings were never invalidated, and you never thought that it would be him to make you feel like this.

-----

You gripped the end of the reins tightly as you waited for the commander’s signal to advance. Hanji questioned your puffy eyes the moment they saw you earlier, and you lied by saying that you accidentally fell asleep while waiting.

What irked you the most is the noise caused by the Elite squad and how they tease their woman to the captain. You wanted to combust so bad because you had no choice but to endure hearing them. Childish? Fine.

As Erwin shouted, you wasted no time waiting and you immediately followed Moblit, with Nifa behind you and your other squad members at the back. You rode your horse like there was no tomorrow, occasionally being told to slow down to not ruin the formation.

Once the big-ass trees greeted your sight, you shifted to your ODM gear and slaughtered every titan that came across your vision. How you are extremely offensive right now surprised your squad mates, because you were never like this before. It was as if you were angry, and hell you are.

You let your body get taken away by the emotions that overwhelmed your system, that you didn’t notice how far you got and how long you were fighting. But you did not seem to care, you were going to fight until Erwin decides to retreat. The good thing is, you knew how to conserve gas, Levi taught you himself.

Like a thunderbolt, a titan rushed towards you, jumping through the branches of trees, and catching you off guard, making a sharp piece of the wood graze the side of your cheek slightly. You hissed at the sting yet resumed slaying the titan.

Time passed by and you lost count of how many titans you have killed, the second to the last blade in your hand is now starting to get weary, and you badly wanted to kill the one in front of you. You advanced in full speed and positioned your blade in a way that it’d execute the titan in one slash, but an arm stopped you before you could cut.

“Stop it.”

Your body shook, not because you were tired, nor exhaustion is starting to creep up your body. But it was because you heard your lover’s voice. And you did not know why, or for what reason could your body react like this.

“It’s time to head back.” He whispered on your ear. His voice was nothing compared to his cold ones earlier, because this one. . . it’s warmer than the sunset.

You bit your lip, letting your emotions take over you once again and yanking your arm away from him just to get back to the formation all by yourself. Your squad mates nodded at you the moment they recognized your form, and you were greeted by the sight of several bodies of people who suffered the fate of being taken too early.

The entire way back to the walls was coaxed with the heat provided with the orange sunset. Gone was the coldness that bothered everyone in the morning, it was engulfed by the warmth that reminded you of how every expedition ends like. The only warmth that reminded you of losing someone important.

-----

On an open field is where you sat, where they had experiments with the boy- the titan shifter. Of course, you knew, you were there. In front of you was the sunset that would soon say goodbye and leave its remnants of purple and deep pink. And the scent of your favorite soap sent comfort in knowing that you are already home, freshly showered, with a piece of snack in your hand.

You felt your lover’s presence slowly approaching you, his heat was greater than anything else. But visions of what happened earlier repeated in your mind, causing you to walk away from him, away from the feelings.

“(Y/N).”

One word from him, and you halted. And you hated it.

Not a minute had passed and you found Levi in front of you, his brown jacket now discarded, and what protected him from the cold solstice was a thin long-sleeves that you used to steal from him. His hand caressed the wound on your cheek, lightly letting his fingers kiss the fresh cut, but your eyes continued to avoid his.

Because of the schedule and trainings, you were deprived of the chance to spend time together. And you would not deny that you miss it. How you would sneak into his office late at night and come back to you and your roommates’ room before dawn. How you would steal food from the mess hall and share it with him. Or the late-night walks that you have done with him, pretending that no one would see. And you were sure that someone did.

You were never a secret, but you were extremely private.

“Look at me.” He said, his hands still cupping both of your cheeks. You pouted, not wanting to look at him because you knew how frail you get when it comes to him.

Your eyes met his, and it felt like you haven’t for a while.

“Look at me,” He repeated, and you stare directly into his, letting him read the emotions you have felt earlier. You looked at him as if you were complaining to him about himself and his actions earlier. “I’m sorry.”

Your lips trembled. Cheeks flushed and puffed, lips pouting, while warm tears filled your eyes once again. And Levi kissed your tears away even before they could paint your pretty face.

“Don’t cry,” He whispers, gone was the harsh tone that he used on you earlier, gone was the Levi that made you feel invalidated and puerile, “Fuck! Don’t cry. I’m sorry, baby.”

Sultry kisses on your forehead, and how his voice burned in apologies saved you from the cold breeze that wanted to touch your skin. He held you so close to him that you could feel how fast his heart beats for you, muttering how sorry he is, how he told not just Petra but his whole squad about you, how much of an asshole he was.

“D-don’t do that again. . .” You sobbed, face still buried in the warmth of his chest while your hands gripped his shirt.

“I promise.” He responds immediately, wiping the sadness and pain you have felt for hours and replacing it with the fire that dwells within him; the fire that you both made.

You were beneath the moon, and tonight, it was more beautiful. It was your witness, along with the stars that smoldered like a fiery heat. And within the coolness of the dusk had you both realized, that the once searing sunset has kissed you both goodbye.

#attack on titan #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #attack on titan x reader #levi x you #levi ackerman x you #aot #snk #rulerofstars

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lovecolibri · 3 years

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That sad moment where you have to unfollow a m!lex blog because they keep re blogging ta*k content because they think we don't like her cause "she gets in the way" so they are being petty😭 like you where there for the m*ria season! You KNOW there is always a reason!

Oh bummer. I'm not gonna lie I haven't looked at my dash in....a lot time, because the 911 tag has so much good content without my brain having to look at non-911 content because it doesn't like that right now, and I have most of the tay kay people that end up in the tags blocked.

I know some people DO hate any person getting between their ship, which is fine, fandom is all about curating your experience, but like...really? The reporter who conducted a non-consensual interview and didn't call anyone about the crew literally responding to an emergency call high out of their minds until after she got what she wanted and it became a liability for her? The one who then fought the city lawyers to be able to air that footage? Who constantly talks down to Buck and belittles him, and invalidates his feelings so she can keep the upper hand in the relationship (sound familiar? 🤔)? THAT'S the hill you want to die on regarding "fandom misogyny"?

It definitely exists, but a character written to purposefully highlight how wrong she is for the person she's in a relationship with, who we are not SUPPOSED to like in a relationship with Buck, a relationship the writers, directors, and Oliver have gone out of their way to make look as uncomfortable as possible, is not it. She's not the "victim", her character is supposed to be that way! Now if you want to take it up with the writers about using female characters like this that's a whole other thing, but both Ana and Tay Kay have a purpose to fulfill and their relationships being extremely awkward and boring to watch with no chemistry to be found IS that purpose. We're not being mean, we're picking up what the writers are laying down.

On the RNM side of things it was just...fucking sloppy writing because they didn't want the character to be the literal worst, manipulative person that they ended up with, and so they tried to just pretend she wasn't, and that what we saw her say and do wasn't actually happening, and the other characters loved her so really it was fine, but that doesn't change that they never knew how to write her and were uninterested in figuring it out. And instead of addressing the issues when they had a chance they just pretend they didn't exist and shot the Malex love story in the chest in the process. It's only by the grace of Valmis and Tyler having literally out of this world magical chemistry that saved them, and even then I doubt they will ever fully recover from the pointless dragging out of them not being together, not talking or only fighting and then in ONE episode magically getting together, followed by PROMPTLY dropping nearly every emotional beat that came their way. It's literally a travesty that that show and those characters and actors are stuck on the CW.

ANYWAY

911 however has an actually competent writers room for the most part and we've even been flat out TOLD that they have been focusing on Oliver's face falling when he's with his gf and they have reinforced multiple times that they don't trust each other, so IDK what people think she needs defending from. The consequences of her own actions? From fullfilling her purpose because she was brought back to be disliked and to highlight a character issue with Buck that pushes him towards growth? Like???? If you want to stan her character, fine do what you want, but she doesn't need "protection" from fans ONLY hating her for "getting between their ship". She's disliked because she's a bad person and Buck deserves better 🤷🏻‍♀️

#my sweet nonnie friends #911 #evan buckley #anti bucktaylor #anti taylor kelly #roswell nm #anti maria delcua #sorry not sorry but there are a LIST of reasons to not like her or want her anywhere near buck or any of the firefam #and i personally have already purchased my champagne for her departure #if you see me posting about rnm #no you don't!#i want to make my way back but i'm just not ready #i say as i sit in my malex merch #because malex still have some of that magic left #it will apparently take even more than shoddy writing and the whole 2x06 fiasco to take them down #also i find it hilarious that tay kay's first ep was 2x06 🤣#but that episode is actually fully delightful and she's awful and the show doesn't try to pretend she isn't so there's that!#also sorry if this is incoherent my brain is mush today

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mcheang · 4 years

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Prompt: Lila Rossi gets exposed when Mrs. Rossi goes to a craft store to get craft supplies so Lila has something to do while she's stuck int he house all day, and she strikes up a conversation with another customer, who happens to be the art teacher from the Reverser episode.

Free time

Pre-Chameleon

Mrs Rossi wants her daughter to do more than pass her time staring at the screen. Come on, her textbooks are already online so she has enough screen exposure as it is. She does not want Lila to become a couch potato binging on takeout.

Sports are too outdoorsy and Lila stinks at them anyway.

How about arts?

Lila is a really good actress but performing a monologue for her friends online seems kind of sad.

Arts and crafts should work.

Professeur Rodolphe was a regular customer at Main Arts. He knew where to find anything in stock. So when he saw a lady browsing the store, looking a bit lost, he thought he would lend a hand.

Rodolphe: excuse moi, may I help you, Madame?

Mrs Rossi: oh, i am trying to get my daughter into crafts but I’m not sure where to start. She was more interested in theatre.

Rodolphe: Hmm...how about introducing her to costume design or making paper stage models? (For the record, these were my own experiences as a former theatre student. Thank you SOTA!)

Mrs Rossi: costume design sounds more exciting, but where should I start?

Rodolphe: well, here are some design templates for your daughter to sketch on. Maybe start with a mini costume to see if your daughter will develop an interest in it. That way, you only need some fabric rather than a whole bolt. Aisle huit has the glitter and mini buttons to work with.

Mrs Rossi: oh thank you! Merci beaucoup!

Rodolphe: my pleasure. May I know why your daughter quit theatre?

Mrs Rossi: oh we had to move. When we came here, she told me she was keen to join the drama club at Dupont but with the akuma plague, she’s stuck at home with nothing to do.

Rodolphe: my word, is she that terrified of the possibility of an akuma that she refuses to spend a few more hours at school?

Mrs Rossi: more hours? She hasn’t been to school since it was shut down.

Rodolphe: ....yeah, I’m a professeur at Dupont College, Madame. And I assure you, we have not closed down...at all.

Mrs Rossi: but...but...

Rodolphe: who is your daughter?

Mrs Rossi: Lila Rossi

Rodolphe: ah, the invalid with celebrity friends. Say, aren’t you supposed to be at Achu with her?

Mrs Rossi sputtered, “invalid? Celebrity friends? And bless you.”

Rodolphe: i must say, she is an amazing storyteller if she is even able to deceive her own mother. Oh and Achu is a monarchy.

Mrs Rossi: what do you mean deceive?

Rodolphe: i mean Madame, that from what you have just told me, we can safely assume Lila has been playing truant. Oh, and she won’t be able to get out of gym if she is as healthy as you believe.

Mrs Rossi: she’ll be lucky if I don’t send her to boot camp!

Mrs Rossi finally called Caline and things were hashed out.

Lila was startled to see her mother come stomping home and yelling at her for lying.

Lila tried to make up excuses that akumas could disguise themselves but Mrs Rossi had been to the school herself.

However, given that Lila being a pariah is a recipe for akuma, and Mrs Rossi doesn’t want her daughter to be that unhappy, she decides to transfer Lila anyway.

Lila is relieved (who cares about Adrien now?) until she learns she will be sent to military boarding school. That’s right! No way to play truant. Strict protocol to be followed. And yes, harsh physical exercises for long hours.

Oh, and since Mrs Rossi is still keen to separate Lila from screens, she will be confiscating her cellphone and laptop. If she wants to study, she can use physical textbooks and the military school doesn’t allow cellphones anyway. Lila will have to use the school phone if she wants to contact her mother.

As for Caline’s class, it’s not like Lila was really part of their class after being absent for so long. They’ll move on. Though Alya has learned a harsh lesson for posting without checking her sources.

#miraculous ladybug fanfic #miraculous ladybug fic #ml fanfic #ml fanfiction #miraculous ladybug fanfiction #ml fic #pre-chameleon fic #Lila is exposed #Lila gets exposed #this is getting kind of common

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hellomynameisbisexual · 4 years

Text

“QUEER”

First of all, let’s clear up a common misconception. Queer does not just mean gay. It’s an umbrella term for an identity which deviates from society’s perceived norm: heterosexual, or straight. Queer can refer to sexualities — gay, bisexual, pansexual, — or it can refer to being gender-queer; i.e, any label that deviates from the perceived gender norm: the binaries, male and female.

“Queer” is a reclaimed slur.

If you do not fall under the umbrella of queerness, it is safe to assume that you cannot use it. At all.

I am bisexual.

This means I experience attraction to plural genders. Pansexual also works fine. For the difference between bisexual and pansexual — see here:

Being bisexual isn’t easy. I went through similar hardships to gay women: I experienced attraction to women and was scared of what this meant for me, in such an oppressively homophobic society.

I am not saying being bisexual is harder than being gay, nor the inverse. But my experiences are distinctly bisexual, not gay.

Without further ado, here are the 3 things I’ve found to be the hardest about being queer, but not gay (enough).

#1: Finding My Place

Or, not being queer enough

I always knew I wasn’t straight, but I didn’t know what I was. Up until recently, I was still questioning. This didn’t feel enough to join groups or conversations with LGBT+ folk, let alone go to pride. Was I even LGBT if I was never L, G, B, or T?

I am still yet to attend a pride, even though I identify (fairly confidently) as bisexual. I am in a relationship with a man. This is (problematically) known as a “straight-passing relationship” and makes me feel even more undeserving of a place at pride.

This has been upsetting to me at times. But for others, it can be outright devastating. Growing up and needing support, but feeling like you’re ‘not gay enough’ to ask for it? So many young people are being left alone and afraid. Finding others like you is vital to figuring out who you are. Likewise, finding spaces which are safe and inclusive is vital for anyone, regardless of their sexuality or gender identity. A friend of mine happens to be a transgender man, and he summed up the issue perfectly:

“One thing that I keep noticing is how all hangout spots are “gay bars”, or (far less common) “lesbian bars”. I’m a straight man, so I don’t feel like I’m supposed to be there, but hanging out at regular bars is still too much of a gamble, so I don’t really have anywhere to go.”

It goes without saying that gay folk aren’t always safe in these spaces, as seen by the homophobic attack on the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, in 2016. Bigotry hurts the entire LGBT+ community. Bigotry doesn’t stop to ask whether you identify as gay or otherwise queer before it pulls the trigger.

But the LGBT+ community itself is much more welcoming to those who “pick a side” and just come out as gay, already. The infighting is inexplicable when one looks to attacks such as that in Orlando: bigots don’t care which letter you are in the acronym. So why does gatekeeping exist when we need to be strong in the face of intolerance when fragmentation only makes us weaker? Who are we helping by continuing to exclude identities from the discussion?

#2: Myths and Misconceptions

Well, it stands to reason that if bisexuals are what they seem in TV and movies, why would anyone want to make them feel included? They’re “greedy” and inauthentic. They’re attention-seeking, not to mention their propensity for threesomes. Now, I haven’t been in a wild orgy yet, but it seems like it will only be a matter of time before I follow my natural path.

Straight men, in particular, need to own up to their assumption that bisexual women are down for a threesome. The thing is, we are. But not with you, you big ASSUMER.

Infidelity

All jokes aside, the stereotyping of bisexuals is not only hurtful, but leads to difficulties finding and maintaining relationships.

As I came to terms with my bisexuality, I also had to accept that I might never be fully trusted by my partner, regardless of their gender or sexuality. I was shocked when my partner reacted to my coming out with the equivalent of a shrug — so much so, that I burst into tears of gratitude that my soul-bearing moment hadn’t been met with slut-shaming or assumptions of disloyalty. Nothing has changed. If anything, our bond is even stronger for me having been more authentic after coming out.

But cruelty came from elsewhere: when I came out, I was told that my partner was to be pitied, either because I’m gay and in denial, or bound to cheat on him. The main consequence of such attitudes has been the crippling fear of coming out to my partner. It saddens me that I felt so relieved when he accepted me for being who I am, and loving him just the same as I always have.

This outcome is not the case for many couples, with straight folk worried that their bisexual partner will realise they’re gay and just leave them. This fear of abandonment comes from a place of ignorance. When the media presents bisexuality as a steppingstone on the way to “picking a team”, it’s no wonder that people struggle to trust their queer partners.

Other Queer Myths

The myth that all trans folk medically transition invalidates those who choose not to do so, and let’s not forget the ignorant jeers that it's all just a mental illness. Asexual folk battle the stereotype that they can never have a relationship and shall forever remain a virgin (because what an awful thing that would be, right?) And pansexuals… well, at the lighter end, they’re asked if they have sex with cooking utensils. But often, they’re erased as irrelevant because “we already have the label bisexual”.

This brings us onto the third and final difficulty that comes with queer folk who aren’t easily categorizable as gay: erasure.

#3: Erasure

Erasure refers to the denial of an identity’s existence or its validity as a label.

Non-binary folk face ongoing and loud claims that they simply do not exist. This is despite the historical and scientific evidence to the contrary. Plus, the most important evidence — them, existing. Asexual folk are told they simply have not found the right person yet, or that they are just afraid of sex. Demi-sexual folk are told “everyone feels like that, unless they’re just sleeping around!”. And bisexuals are dismissed as simply being in denial that they’re gay.

Monosexuality & The Gender Binary

Our culture is so built on monosexuality (being solely attracted to one gender — for instance, gay or straight). Monosexuality is reinforced through everything from marriage to dating apps, the media to what we teach in schools. People cannot fathom that someone might want to experience more than one gender in their lifetime.

The binary models of sex and gender are also deeply ingrained. These rigid belief systems combined are to blame for our inability to accept that bisexuals do not need to “pick a side”. I was paralysed by fear for 17 years because I found girls attractive and that might mean I’m gay, because bisexuals are just gays who haven’t realised they’re gay yet.

Bierasure

Bierasure is dangerous, firstly because it leads a child to have to internalise both biphobia and homophobia. For instance, I had to work through being taught to hate gayness, whilst being taught that any attraction to non-male genders made me gay.

Women were cute, and so I was gay, and this meant I was disgusting.

My own mother told me this. She also told me that something has “gone wrong in the womb” for a child to be gay. (Well, Mum, I’ve got some bad news about your womb!)And she, like any bigot, extended this theory to anyone who experiences same-sex attractions — anyone queer. This is another reason why bi-erasure is perilous. Whether you’re a gay, cis-male or a demi-bisexual, trans woman… if your parents will kick you out for being gay, they will likely kick you out for being any sort of queer.

If we deny the bigotry that bisexuals undergo, we will continue to suffer. It won’t just go away. It will fester, with bisexuals having no one they can go to who believes them. And thus:

Erasure Kills

Bullying and suicide rates of queer-but-not-gay people continue to sky-rocket. We must direct funding, support and compassion to every queer individual, as they are all vulnerable to discrimination and bullying. The problem is being left to fester. This is in part because bigots treat all queer labels as just ‘gay’, deeming them equally unworthy. This is how far erasure can go.

Conclusion

Earlier on, I stated that my experiences are distinctly bisexual. The same applies to any queer identity.

Emphasising our differing paths and struggles is important to avoid the aforementioned erasure of already less visible groups. But this does not mean that the LGBT+ community should be fragmented by these differences.

If we can unite in our hope to live authentically and love freely, we will be stronger against bigotry. We are fighting enough intolerance from without: there is no need to create more from within.

So out of everything, what’s the hardest part about being bisexual?

It’s the fact that nobody knows it’s this hard.

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thoughtfullyyoungduck · 4 years

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can you do a teen losers club x reader on how they comfort the reader during a depressive stage

A/N: Sorry it took so long! I hope you still enjoy! I just want to stress that all the headcanons I wrote here are based on my own experiences with depression. I know everyone experiences this differently, so please know I’m not trying to invalided anyone!

Warning: mentions of depression

- It’s difficult to predict when a depressive episode of yours will be occurring

- There are no outward signs, as you are very good at pretending everything is fine.

- Inwards though, your mood starts the deteriorating and the smile you have to conjure up your face every time you hang out deters the closer you get to an actual depressive episode.

- The only sign that is noticeable to the losers, is that you’re a lot more irritable.

- That’s a hard symptom to spot though, because their group is so diverse and it happens from time to time that someone does something that rubs the other the wrong way.

- You’re always very patient with everyone, even Richie’s overachieving and at times insensitive jokes, but right before an episode, you’ll at best ignore them, and at worst beep him.

- But again, sometimes little fights break out among the group, so it’s not that unusual

- They’ll know that a depressive episode has started when you cancel without a reason.

- You would never pass an opportunity to bike around town with your friends otherwise, but during the first few days of your depressive episode (when you feel at your lowest because of the impending days of hell waiting for you), you prefer to be by yourself.

- The only way you communicate is by calling them to cancel the plans, and then you crawl back in your bed.

- The losers at first leave you too (they found out from experience that you hate to be coddled and Gavin the vicinity of other people

- Of course this saddens the losers, because they want nothing more but to go over to your place and comfort you to the best of their abilities, but they understand you need some alone time.

- They do call regularly. They can’t stop themselves from at least doing that.

- After about two days, they’ll start hanging out at your house.

- Most of the time they’ll talk amongst each other or watch a movie while they cuddle with you.

- Never forcing you to talk of anything, because they respect that you can’t conjure up enough energy to do that.

- Side note; the losers all have various experiences with depression.

- Some may not have (had) it, but they have seen someone near them that was suffering from it.

- So they try to encourage you through what they believe is the best option, and how they would have liked to be cheered up.

- I think Eddie would be a bit of a hard ass.

- Not that he’s unsympathetic to what you’re dealing with, but he’s a health freak, and he read that excercing can help with overcoming a depressive episode.

- Which is true, but going to school and getting you work done is hard enough without getting yourself out of bed and into work out gear.

- So he really tries to convince you to do yoga with him, as your form of sport. (It leads to Richie’s big gay crises, and it draws a laugh out of you for the very first time since you have been feeling dragged down)

- Sometimes you can persuade yourself into getting up (it really depends on the day) and then you feel elated that you managed to do something, but others days you refuse to move, and Eddie’s insistence only leads to insecurity and you labeling yourself as Lazy.

- But you know Eddie means no harm by it, so you appreciate his efforts.

- Bev does things a little different.

- She’s very intuitive to people’s mood, so when she comes up with a plan to help you, and she sees you’re not up for it, she’ll postpone.

- She manipulates your kindness and generosity towards others and turns it around to you.

- Showering and keeping yourself clean, though it’s advice to do in order to get better, can be so hard to do, so she instead asks if you can help her with for example: braiding her hair

- No matter how bad you feel, you’ll always be there for your friends, so you say yes.

- You’ll braid her hair or paint her nails, or give your opinion about a clothing item, and in turn, Bev will do the same for you.

- It’s not much, but, having your hair combed, or changing clothes sometimes can make a world of difference.

- Richie and Stan will aid with doing every day chores, like homework or doing the dishes or something.

- Of course Richie also cracks jokes and tries his impression on you to make you laugh, but he’s also really smart and can do his homework without ever paying attention in class.

- So he and Stan take some of the workload of off you, so you can focus primarily on your mental health.

- Ben helps by talking to you. You’re not always up for a talk, because it’s hard to formulate the mess in your head, but if you do, Ben is always the person to go to.

- He won’t try to find a solution, but he’ll just be there to listen to you

- Mike bakes a lot of goodies for you to munch on.

- You’re supposed to eat healthy food, but Mike chooses baked goods that are both healthy and tasty, and sometimes a little indulgent.

- Freshman year in high school Mike got a dog from his grandfather, and he’ll take him with him to your house from time to time, so you can snuggle with the cute little thing.

- Finally, Bill writes you stories about going on far away travels, with you and the losers as the main characters.

- You like to read them because they help you escape your current situation, and also because the stories are a kind of promise, that your feelings will end and that one day you’ll be able to go anywhere you want with all your friends by your side.

- It takes a while, but eventually the efforts of the losers come to bloom.

- You appreciate everything the losers do for you, and you hope they know that you would do the same thing for them.

#richie tozier x reader #eddie kaspbrak x reader #bill denbrough x reader #stanley uris x reader #ben hanscom x reader #beverly march x reader #mike hanlon x reader #my writing #the losers club imagines #it imagines

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mbti-notes · 3 years

Text

Anon wrote: INFP with social anxiety here. I have a therapist but we're focusing on some other issues right now. In the meantime, I was wondering if you had some advice for me. I know you're not a professional (you say that multiple times in your posts) and of course I'm not asking you for a fix for my social anxiety with this - I'm just asking your help to understand what part my cognition could be playing in all of this cause I'm really curious.

Basically, my problem is the time frame right BEFORE I meet someone and, sometimes, immediately after. I don't really have problems socializing in the "middle", if you get what I mean; I'm easily adaptable and once I'm relaxed, once I realize no one is there to attack me, my mind starts getting ideas and I kind of know what to say, even though I'm a bit out of practice and I still have problems convincing other people of my emotions (like, mirroring their emotions so that they know I agree with them and stuff like that; for some reason they never ---believe me when I say it with words).

When I make plans, anyway, and I still haven't met the person, I get this anxiety: like I would rather stay home than go there because it's going to be "boring" and I'm probably going to feel like an idiot or make some sort of social gaffe. I mean, I do kinda get bored after a while anyway, but I also know I tend to overestimate that level of "future boredom" to the point it hurts me to even think about showing up and forcing myself to think of stuff I can-- say.

I get anxious because I start thinking about the way people used to treat me in the past (I've always been the black sheep of my family and/or my social circles and I vividly remember some bad things they used to say to me) and I start worrying that, deep down, they still think of me like that and they're never going to forget that "preconception of my identity" and open their eyes to who I am now, or I guess to who I've always been.

I do realize it doesn't make much sense, this "who I ----really am" part - but I've always had the impression that I was a bit different than the "me" they percieved, maybe because after many, many years of being accused of "selfishness" and "inability to tune in with the emotional atmosphere" I learned that in order not to ruin the "social mood" I should've adapted myself to the group - but the problems is that I suppressed "myself" in the meantime (and with myself I mean, like, my real interests, the things I'd like to talk about for ages without-- having to be interrupted or looked down on because, quote unquote, "ok, cool, but we don't really care").

I understand now that if they don't give me hints of actually caring about the subject I should stop rambling like a fool, but this is making me feel like I have nothing "useful" to offer them and therefore bringing the anxiety I'm struggling with. It makes me scared that I'll never be able to be myself around them because of the "social rules" I want to respect to be accepted, & to make----it worse I'm out of practice like I said before and sometimes it just gets too awkward and I want to get out of there.

I bet I'm doing something wrong because friendships and relationships in general are not supposed to be "boring", am I right? And yet until I don't get distracted by the actual conversation, I feel like it's going to be really boring and uncomfortable and sometimes going through it is SO horrible... most of the time I end up making up some excuse to go home earlier and talk----my internet friends instead (thank God for the internet!!!!). Anyway, thank you if you'll answer! And have a good summer vacation c:

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The first thing I notice is that your thought process bears a very striking resemblance to many INFJs who struggle with social anxiety due to poor Fe development (see past posts). As a general rule, if I have good reason to suspect that someone might be mistyped, I won't provide info about function development until they undergo a proper type assessment. Otherwise, they might adopt the wrong method of improvement.

You say you want to understand what part your cognition plays in the social anxiety you experience, so I will mention the aspects of your cognition that seem most significant:

1) No Chill: You overthink things to an extreme, to the point of self-sabotage, perhaps even creating a self-fulfilling prophecy (i.e. when expecting the negative actually makes the negative happen). Overthinking means that you're not confronting the real obstacle getting in the way of your socializing. You're constantly trying to envision, imagine, or predict what will happen in a social interaction? WHY? What's the point of that overthinking? It's how you avoid confronting your fear head on.

2) Insecure: Your "predictions" are too often faulty because of being tainted by your underlying insecurities. You're insecure about being attacked, being accused, being misjudged, doing something wrong, being deemed of no value or unworthy of care, not being accepted or acceptable, dying of awkwardness, feeling bored, feeling uncomfortable, and on and on. You've described your thought process in detail. But nowhere do I see you confronting your insecurities, digging deeper into them, in order to understand the root of them. Insecurities are a manifestation of fear.

3) Control: Irrational anxiety is oftentimes about trying to control things that you shouldn't be trying to control or cannot have any control over - it wastes mental energy and leads to futile behavior. As long as you're trying to control social situations and their outcome, you are either trying too hard to make reality match up with your expectations or you're fumbling whenever reality unfolds outside of your expectations - you become rigid and frail. You claim to be "adaptable" but everything you say after that only proves you don't know the meaning of the word. You can't handle unpredictability, hence, the attempt to be in control by trying to "predict" everything. Do your attempts to control actually work? Do they help or hinder you? If they mostly hinder you, then isn't it time to change your strategy? Anxious people often believe that having more knowledge or control is the answer to their fear. But, in your case, the huge cost of being controlling is being incompetent. What's worse, the fear is still right there running the show.

4) Unresolved Trauma: You attribute your troubles to your past. Fair enough. Growing up in a social environment that did not respect and appreciate you is painful, even extremely traumatic for certain personality types. It also makes people too hungry for validation. It's natural that you wouldn't want to feel the pain of it again. However, if that pain remains unexamined and unresolved, you will unconsciously keep seeking to resolve it, which means re-enacting the trauma over and over again throughout life. The proof? Every time you meet someone, your first stance is defensive, because the first thing that comes into your mind is that you don't want to be attacked or invalidated. That old pain is running the whole show because you are deeply afraid of experiencing it again, yet you don't realize that YOU are the one calling it back up and rehashing it. What are you doing to resolve the pain rather than indulge the fear?

5) Self-absorbed: Social anxiety makes people too absorbed in their own thoughts, feelings, hopes, and expectations. They are too preoccupied with what they want, what will happen, how they will be perceived, how they might make a mistake, how they might be attacked, etc. This means they're not truly present with people, so the relationship can't really go far. Driven by fear and insecurity, they are always behind a wall, too difficult to reach.

Even if you happen to meet the right people, do you make it easy for them to befriend you? It seems that you can't open up with ease, you can't go with the flow of the other person when they don't live up to your expectations, you can't keep your emotions in check and misjudge situations, you get bored when it's not about you, you run away instead of making things better. Looking at yourself objectively from the outside, would you want to be friends with someone like that?

If you want to have good friends, you first have to BE a good friend. You want care, love, and validation? We all do. The best way to receive it is to be the first to give it. By being more aware of other people's needs and doing more to show that you care about them, you put them in a better position to care about you and meet your needs in return. This is the difference between actively trying to "make" a friend vs passively wishing for a friend to drop into your lap.

Being a friend isn't about what "value" you have, as though you're some kind of object being appraised and sold. Being a good friend is quite a simple matter of putting out the energy to care and show that you care. When you meet someone who's moved by your care, they will care for you in return. When you meet someone who's unmoved by your care, figure out the real reason why, in order to determine whether you should keep trying or put your energy elsewhere.

You never really know who you'll hit it off with. One of my favorite experiences in life is making a friend in the unlikeliest of places. As an adult, meeting new people is a numbers game. All you can do is keep pushing yourself to meet new people. The more people you meet, the greater the odds of clicking with someone. If you're looking to meet like-minded people, go to places that are likely to have people who share your interests. If you don't hit it off with someone, simply move along. You don't have to be friends with everyone, do you?

Yet, you take every little social interaction so seriously that each step is like life or death - that's what makes socializing tiring, laborious, and unfun. Why not enter into every social interaction with an open mind and an open heart? Why not truly go with the flow, without having to undergo the repetitive ritual of predicting what will happen or fussing over what did happen?

6) Poor Emotional Intelligence: This point is the common thread that runs through the previous points, which is why I keep repeating the word "fear". You have extremely low tolerance for negative feelings and emotions, which means you really need to work on learning how to deal with your emotional life better. Any little sign that things won't turn out the way you want and you start to panic, overthink, blame, or flee. Why do you recoil from yourself and your own feelings and emotions? Why are you so easily shaken by boredom, awkwardness, invalidation, failing, other people's negativity, etc? Why do you react so badly to these things (when others just brush it off and keep going)?

7) Low Self-Awareness: It's not enough to just name the fear ("I'm afraid of____"). Does the label explain why you have this particular fear and not some other fear? It's not enough to blame the past ("It's because of ____"). Why did someone else with a similar past as yours not develop this fear? To get to the root of fear, you have to identify, in exact terms:

what aspect of you has to change to overcome the fear

what aspect of your identity has to "die" (i.e. be let go of) in order to evaporate the fear

Until you answer the fear properly, it won't go away.

#social anxiety #anxiety #fear #emotional intelligence #mental health #ask

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