#and that you should be able to list those 5 drugs

[choke-me-joey]

Eddie Munson x fem metalhead cheerleader

Summary: Based on this - how Eddie met his not so typical cheerleader girlfriend and a little exploration of their relationship.

Content warning: 18+ content minors DNI, smoking, underage drinking, drug use, swearing, flirting, smut.

AN: there is a scene in this based on a ✨️video✨️ i had sent to me by a beautiful anon and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. If you want the link you can find it on my page or message me and I'll try to send it!

📢 TAG LIST IS NOW FULL 📢

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 5

Chapter 4

The following Tuesday, after practice and your homework, you'd driven over to The Hideout to see the famous Corroded Coffin play to their crowd of regular drunks. You parked your car in the lot, getting out and straightening out your cropped Iron Maiden shirt. You'd paired it with some shorts and fishnets, as well as your Docs and your jacket which, courtesy of Eddie, now had a WASP pin resting proudly on the lapel.

You made your way into the, quite honestly, dump of a bar, impressed that you didn't even need a fake ID to get in. You grinned when you saw Corroded Coffin setting up on the small stage and made a beeline for your friends and your....Eddie.

"What's up, rockstars?" You smile, giving Eddie a cheeky pinch to the butt as he was bent over with his back to you sorting out his peddle. He angled his head to look at you, and nearly keeled over at the sight of your outfit. He recovered, standing up to hug you.

"Now this just isn't fair, sweetheart, gonna be playing our set with a fucking boner," he groans into you ear, making you giggle. He subtly kissed your head.

"Holy shit you actually came!" Gareth said, grinning at you from behind his drum kit. "Eddie said you might not make it because of practice."

"Like I'd miss the infamous Corroded Coffin live in concert," you gesture to the homemade banner behind them. "I'm excited!"

"You're probably the only one in the audience who is," Jeff laughs, glancing over the few people who had come to the bar to watch them play.

"Well, just remember who your biggest fan was in the early days, yeah?"

"Of course, sweetheart," Eddie winks at you and you have to wrestle down the urge to kiss him, not knowing how he felt about your...whatever this was between you being made super public yet. You instead settle on shooting him a wink and going to get yourself a drink whilst they finished setting up, patiently waiting for their set to start.

You were surprised when the bartender handed you a beer, apparently Eddie had sorted you with a drink before you'd gotten there, and again that meant nobody was checking your ID. You said nothing, taking your beer and sitting at a table close to the stage where you had a good view and Eddie could definitely see you.

The band start their set and you're completely blown away. Not only are they actually pretty damn good, the way Eddie carries himself on stage is incredible. He's confident, charismatic, nothing new there, but he eludes this sexy rockstar attitude that makes your pussy clench as you watch him. He plays with an energy that should be for 80,000 people not just 0.01% of that.

You watch his skilled fingers running up and down the frets, effortlessly playing chords without even glancing down. And when he sang, god your heart skipped a beat. His voice was the perfect mix of soft melodic singing and raw yells and shouts. They played a mix of covers and their own songs, their musical influences clear in those original pieces. Your favourite so far had been their rendition of Paranoid by Black Sabbath, and a song called Shallow Grave of their own. You had screamed and shouted and applauded, probably too enthusiastically really, but you didn't care. They were good, and Eddie was hot.

As the notes of another original song, Strangers in the Dark, came to an end, Eddie spoke into the microphone.

"We're going to change things up a little bit now folks, with a new cover dedicated to a very special person who happens to be our number one fan. This one's for you, airhead." He shot you a smirk and you grinned back at him, your cheeks flushing. "Sing along if you know it, maybe even dance a little if you're drunk enough."

The opening notes of Edge of Seventeen by Stevie Nicks, but with a Corroded Coffin touch, began to play and your jaw dropped. You fucking loved this song, and your mind and heart race when you remember you had told Eddie that, probably about 3 weeks ago when you'd first started speaking properly, only mentioned it briefly when he'd seen the tape of Bella Donna sticking out of your bag.

He'd...learnt this, for you? Made his band learn this for you without even knowing if you'd ever come to one of his shows?

It's a good thing you were sat down because your knees felt stupidly weak.

"Just like the white wing dove, sings a song sounds like she's singing, ooh, ooh, ooh," Eddie croons; his voice could have brought tears to your eyes. He wasn't playing guitar for this, cupping the mic in his hands in a way that should have been illegal.

You sit in your seat, singing along, watching as a few drunks get up to dance, mostly middle aged women who look as if Stevie Nicks is their lord and saviour.

"Come on honey, your boyfriend is singing this for you! You gotta dance!" One of the Stevie-ites grabs your hand and tries to pull you up to dance.

"Oh, I cant-" you start, feeling a little embarassed. Ridiculous really, seeing as you were in front of two entire high schools nearly every week dancing and cartwheeling and splitting. Why the fuck was dancing in front of Eddie making you shy?!

You catch Eddie's eye as you're dragged onto the small dance area in front of the stage, the woman lets go of your hand to do her own Stevie style twirl, and you laugh, doing the same when she encourages you to do so. You glance up at Eddie and he grins back at you, still singing away as he pulls you up onto the small stage, twirling you around. You stay next to him, wrapped in his arms as the band finishes the song. When the last note plays, Eddie grabs you and you kisses you hard on the lips and you wrap your arms around his neck, the small crowd whooping and cat calling as you break apart, both of you panting and grinning like fools.

"You're amazing," Eddie says breathlessly, looking into your eyes.

"Me?! I'm not the one who just turned Stevie Nicks into a bad ass metal anthem! You gotta record that, you...you're incredible!" You pant, your face starting to hurt with how much you're smiling. You run one finger down his chest whilst looking up at him through your lashes. "How much longer is the set, rock star?"

Eddie swallows hard.

"Uh, th-three songs."

"Perfect, I'll be waiting by your van when you've packed up." You shoot him a sexy smirk, pecking his lips once more and hopping off the stage to watch the rest of the set.

*

True to your words you were waiting, leant up against the side of Eddie's van as he finished loading up his equipment.

"So, I've been thinking, that bed you've got in there?" You gesture to the back of the van. "Super fucking comfortable, perfect for laying down after a successful show, don't you think?"

"While every fibre of my being is going to hate me for saying this, Y/N-"

"Who said anything about sex?" You cut him off and he looks at you, confusion etched on his face. "Just wanna show you how appreciative I am that you learned a song for me, very cute by the way."

"Well, I have been known to be pretty cute," Eddie grins, letting you pull him into the back of the van, kicking the door shut. He grunts, letting out a breathless laugh as you push him onto his back and straddle him, pushing his shirt up his stomach. "Hey, you know you don't have to do anything you don't want to, right?"

"What about if I want to?" You smile, rocking your hips experimentally against him. Eddie groans, fingers biting into your hips. You lean down and kiss him, tongue immediately finding his. Eddie's hands travel from your hips to your ass, squeezing it softly at first, then harder as your kisses grows deeper and more desperate. You pull away from the kiss, sitting back on your heels and your hands hover over his belt buckle. "Can I?"

"Yeah, yes, shit, you can do anything you want to me right now, sweetheart." Eddie groans as you undo his belt, your hand ghosting over the bulge in his jeans. Once his jeans are also undone, he helps you by lifting his hips so you can pull his jeans and boxers down to his mid thigh. You can't help the gasp that leaves your mouth as his cock springs free, slapping his lower stomach.

"Holy...what the fuck, Eddie?!" You laugh, unable to process what you're seeing. He's big. And not just big, but thick too. Uncut, with a delicious thick vein running along the underside of his cock. His balls are - is it weird to say perfect?- big and round and your mouth salivates at the sight. Would you even be able to wrap your hand around him? Swallow him down? Would your cunt stretch enough to accommodate him? Your brain buzzed with arousal.

"Not really something I go around showing off," Eddie chuckles, hissing as you attempt to wrap your hand around him, slowly stroking him. You pull back his foreskin to expose the head of his cock, the same beautiful shade of reddy purple as his lips, and you watch in fascination as a small bead of precum blurts out and over your fingers. "Shit, Y/N, your hand feels so fucking good."

"I haven't even done anything yet," you giggle, moving a tiny bit faster, your other hand gently cupping his balls. You make sure he's looking at you before you let a glob of spit fall from your mouth onto the head of his cock, using it to lube his shaft for your hand to glide easier along it. Eddie fucking whimpers, whimpers, at that, his head dropping back onto the pillow beneath him.

"Fuck, babe, you're fucking...you're a dream."

"A wet one, I hope?"

"You're...everything. God the amount of times I've thought about this, about you...Jesus, how are you fucking real?" Eddie sighs as you work your hand over his cock faster, the mix of your spit and his precum making it easier. "Can I...fuck, can you take your shirt off? And...and put my jacket on?"

He prayed silently that you'd agree, it was all he'd been able to think about for about 3 weeks. You smile, nodding, taking off your shirt. Eddie almost blows his load there and then. Not only were you braless, but you also had your fucking nipples pierced, the two silver bars winking at him in the dim lights streaming in from the car park. You send him a knowing smirk briefly letting go of his cock to grab his previously discarded jacket and slip your arms into it, the leather cool and somewhat a little sticky against your damp skin.

"How do I look?" Your voice is low and sultry, laced with arousal. The throb between your legs is almost unbearable now, and you grind your crotch against his leg for some relief.

"Like every wet dream I've had since I was 13," Eddie groans as you spit on his cock again. "Shit, never thought you'd be so..."

"So what?" You challenge with a smirk, one eyebrow cocked as you continue to jerk him off.

"Jesus, so fucking...filthy." Eddie gasps as you run your other thumb over the slit of his cock, gathering some precum on the digit and sucking it into your mouth. You exaggerate a moan, this was purely for him right now but he did taste really fucking good. "Shit, gonna cum soon, don't stop baby."

"Not going to Eds, want you to make a mess all over me." You push the jacket off of your tits so he can clearly see them. Your free hand pinches one of your nipples, making you moan and grind down onto him again, a whimper leaving your mouth.

"Jesus fuck!" Eddie grunts, his cock twitching in your hand as he cums, streaking your tits, stomach and a little bit of his own jacket with thick white ropes. You stroke him through it, letting go of his thick cock when he starts to hiss in discomfort. "Fuck, princess, easy, easy," he lets a breathless laugh as you scoop up some of his cum off your tits with your finger, popping it into your mouth and sucking it off. "Jesus H Christ."

"I prefer Y/N." You grin, letting out a squeal as Eddie pins you down onto the floor of the van, kissing you hard. His hand wanders to the button of your shorts. "Hey, don't worry about me, handsome. This was all for you."

"You sure? I want to." Eddie's eyes flick to yours and you smile.

"I know, and believe me I really want you to but I have to get home, school night and all that." You sigh and Eddie groans, dropping his head to your shoulder. "My fingers will just have to do tonight."

Eddie groans even louder.

"Shit, Y/N, that isn't fair."

"Relax, Eds, my parents are away this weekend, so I'll have that big, empty house all to myself. You wanna come over and protect poor little old me?" You put on a fake pout. Eddie smirks.

"And by protect you mean-"

"Fuck my brains out until I can't fucking walk and make me scream so loud the neighbours will know your name? Yeah, that's what I meant." You giggle, pecking his lips softly.

"Oh, I'll be there baby, I'll protect you so hard, don't you worry."

Taglist:

@big-ope-vibes

@50shadesofuncomfortable

@bibieddiesgf

@josephquinngirly

@mich-13

@wintersoldierbaby

@gracieluvthemoon

@lilmisssimp

@cutiecusp

@lovelylittlemetalhead

@angelina16torres-blog

@ceriseheaven

@icallhimjoey

@harrys-four-nipples

@chaoticgood-munson

@quinnypixie

@joesquinns

@quinnsbower

@ghostinthebackofyourhead

@joejoequinnquinn

@ches-86

@mystars123

@micheledawn1975

@tlclick73

@emxxblog

@bakugouswh0r3

@bellamy1998

@dylanmunson

@avalon-wolf

@pastelorangeskies

@letme-simp

@them-cute-boys

@beeblisss

@aol19

@sadbitchfangirl

@spacedoutdaydreamer

@0o-venus-o0

@bexreadstoomuch

@l0st-f1ow3rs

@kaitebugg03

@yeehawbitchs

@latebread

@steveharringtonisbae

@alexa-33

@shotgunhallelujah

@coffeeaddictednymph

@angelsarecallin

@eddiessweetheart86

@daysinthephoenix

@squishyturtle

[elliewluvr]

sells 3 | ellie williams

pairings: drugdealer!ellie x f!reader

summary: ellie who is a popular campus drug dealer at your college gets into dealings with you, ending in sex and a bit more than you two expected however things take a turn for the worse, leaving your stomach turning and heart aching. what should you even do?

content warnings: plot twist, angst, anger, plot buildup, sadness, feelings of being alone, tears, mentions of sex but not nsfw, & female rage

for context read part 1 & part 2

dont purchase tlou2! support palenstine🇵🇸

<3

a few weeks went by after the whole encounter and smoke sesh in ellies house. ever since that day youve been nonstop with the auburn haired girl. from walking to class together, sitting extra close during lectures just so el’s could lay her head on your shoulder, to you going to her dorm to study, cuddle, and talk for hours.

you felt happy, refreshed in a way. your day started off the same, you waking up a little to ellie shifting in her bed upon hearing her alarm begin to go off. a sigh leaving her once she pressed snooze on her phone for the now 5th time before sitting it back down on the nightstand to wrap one of her arms back tightly around your small waist.

ellie not wanting to leave from bed while you remained sleeping, clearly in a weed coma from the freckle faced girl daring you to take three blinkers back to back last night despite your lungs being like a baby’s compared to hers. after hearing the alarm go off again after those 5 minutes, she let out a aggravated whine, her eyebrows furrowed due to finally being able to doze back off.

your eyes started to blink open slowly, letting yourself regain consciousness before sitting up to reach over her and grab her phone, turning the alarm off, and tossing the black iphone to the middle of the bed. the sun creeping through the window upon its rising, making you squint your eyes and further more stretch your arms in the air.

after a moment of getting your mind right from your sleeping state, your attention span went straight towards ellie who’s arm was still around your waist, now in your lap. shes back asleep as she was before her 9:30 alarm went off to wake her. she looked so pretty sleeping, your soft gentle hands laying flat on her left cheek to softly rub her face with your thumb. you couldn’t help but lay back down facing her.

wanting a few minutes to just acknowledge how pretty and peaceful she looked sleeping, her eyes closed which let you see how long her auburn eyelashes were. her lips the tiniest bit parted as a few of her strands were in her face, making you use your middle and ring finger to push them back behind her ear. she stayed fast asleep. despite being a light sleeper she was relaxed in your touch if anything.

nothing you did managing to wake her from her sleep. your eyes went back to her lips, scooting closer to hold her face, giving her gentle sweet pecks that finally topped the list on how quick you could wake her. ellie blinked her eyes open, being met with you who stared back at her. she smiled and rubbed your waist, “goodmorning babe.”

you smiled as well, “goodmorning pretty.” you said after hearing her sleepy raspy voice. she laid a gentle peck on your forehead before sitting up, the red tint in her hair more exposed once the sun beamed through her messy strands. you sat up as well, getting out of bed in nothing but a t shirt and your panties. el’s rubbed her eyes, looking over at you and standing as well, stretching her arms over her head which made her shirt ride up and expose her v line.

the two of you werent morning people but still managed to get out of bed and get ready for the first class you two shared. brushing your teeth in the bathroom together as you played music on your speaker, ellie laying a hand on the counter in front of you while she was pressed behind you. leaning over the counter to rinse your mouth out after brushing your tongue. this action made ellie take the opportunity to hump you, making you burst into laughter before pushing your backside against her to make her back up, “cut it out, el’s.” you said as you looked up at her in the mirror with a playful glare.

she placed a hand under her chin, toothbrush sticking out of the side of her mouth while she tried her best to hold back on laughter and possibly making the foamy toothpaste in her mouth fly out. after the both of you finished your hygiene and had gotten dressed, occasionally slipping in kisses and overall dancing together, the two of you settled down so you could brush ellie’s hair out. it wasnt too tangled but needed the fly aways gone. you tucked her hair behind her ear, looking down at her who was sat on the toilet with her legs spread so you could stand between them.

she laid her rough hands your waist gently, looking up at you with slightly furrowed eyebrows and puppy eyes which made your heart pummel in your chest. her freckled face and plump lips making you practically want to melt. oh how pretty she was. unable to resist, you leaned down pecking her forehead. after finishing up getting ready for class, the two of you walked across your campus, your right hand holding her left one once the two of you made it into the building.

——

ellie was leaned against you, watching as you written your now third page of notes that she’ll probably just take photos of and use to study later. you looked up upon hearing your professor’s timer go off, the man dismissing the class and the sound of people standing and socializing starting to cloud your ears, closing your book once you felt the weight of el’s lift from you.

you picked your bag up from the floor to sit it on the table, stuffing your notebook away before standing, “whatre we doing today?” you heard your girl say, looking over at her with a smile as you threw your bag over your shoulder, “well, i have a 2 pm class so i think im gonna just go back to my dorm and shower then come to you after.” you spoke, grabbing her hand to follow the crowd of people as they made their way into the halls.

ellie sighed, tossing her head back in aggravation since she was hoping and praying you’d have a clear schedule for today. you noticed this, rubbing her hand with your thumb. letting go of her hand once she said the following words;

“so im guessing ill just see ya’ later?” she asked, looking over at you once you stopped in the hall, “yeah, im sorry babe.” you said before laying a gentle peck on her cheek. your heals turned you around in the direction of your dorm, walking towards the exit thatll lead you straight to your dorm. ellie was a bit frustrated, rolling her eyes as she scoffed, “yeah its fine, youre lucky youre so damn pretty!” she yelled to you, making you laugh and look back at her who was walking backwards down the hall in the direction of her side of campus.

——

class was finally over, excitedly, you practically ran back to your dorm. initially, you were gonna call ellie to see if she was ready for you to come over but you just shrugged. besides, she knew your entire schedule and should be already expecting you to show up and time now. you straightened up your side of your dorm room, throwing shit in your bag that you may need for the weekend with els.

call you crazy but for once you felt seen, read, and understood. whenever you were with her you were your happiest. you and her playing dumb games the two of you made up, cooking together, cuddling and watching movies, dancing, & all while being sure to include a blunt between the activities. however it played out, it was fun with ellie.

she was fun. she was truly, your girl.

you grabbed your keys and bag, heading to the door to unlock it and quickly leave out. your feet lead you to the end of the hall where you took the backdoor to get to ellie’s place. the walk being smooth, playing music through your headphones and occasionally mumbling the lyrics. you ran into a few of your classmates, waving at them with a smile before walking into the apartment building where el’s lived.

once you reached the infamous apartment 210, you knocked happily. there was a bit shuffling in the apartment itself but you just assumed it was ellie cleaning up any weed baggies and wraps that couldve been laying around for a dorm inspector to see and report. you waited, raising your fist to knock again before low and behold, ellie cracked open the door.

she looked flustered and a bit in panic, your eyebrows furrowing at the sight, “you okay?” you asked with an obvious confused look on your face, you quickly noticed how the door was cracked instead of wide open for you to come in and get comfortable. your hand immediately gripping your bag’s strap that was hanging on your shoulder. ellie took a moment to reply, looking behind her before looking back at you, letting out a sigh, “yeah.. im fine. can you just come back later?” she said, earning a small ‘oh’ from you.

strange..

“okay.. well, let me get my macbook.” you said, planning to have came over to her place to finish an essay you had that was due tomorrow night. ellie looked at you for a while like she was thinking for a moment, “its put up right now, can you just come back later?” she asked, making you raise a eyebrow at the pressed request of just coming back. you didnt wanna seem crazy but the act quickly failed once you did what you did next. “ellie move.” you said, now growing annoyed and pushing the door aside to walk in. “hey! what the fuck are you doing? what did i say?” you heard her yell behind you before shutting the door after with some force.

you walked in, walking down the short hallway that separated from her living room and the rest of the apartment. to your surprise, you were met with the sight of dina who was laid on the couch in nothing but a shirt and boxers that belonged to ellie . you paused, immediately scrunching your face at the sight. she was watching tv, looking up as soon as she sensed your presence. once the two of you made eye contact you let out a laugh, “oh, bitch..” you mumbled, rushing to the back and into ellies bedroom to snatch up your macbook that was charging on ellies charger.

you were furious, how could she do this to you. back with her ex? the thought raged you, making you wonder if she even liked you to begin with. was all she did just for some sex and cuddles? the shit annoyed you, wanting to beat the shit out of her for even being comfortable enough to invite you over just to have another girl over. what was the reason? everything she did had you questioning yourself and if you just assumed she liked you because she let you stay the night a few times and openly showed you affection in front of others.

maybe you were stupid for assuming more. the two of you were already moving faster than most. you hated yourself for thinking she was all yours. you hated yourself for loving every moment had with her. you most importantly hated yourself for giving your body to her after a few drinks. now regretting all the time you spent with her.

ellie followed you, grabbing your arm from behind, “what the fuck is your problem?” she asked, you snatched your arm away, looking at her with pure disgust. “ ‘the fuck out of my face ellie.” you said, brushing past her to grab your robe that was hanging on the door to her bathroom. ellie grabbed you once again, making you snatch away and snap your neck in her direction, “ellie, stop fucking touching me!” you yelled at her.

her face scrunched with anger, the same way yours was from the moment you seen what she was up to and why she didn’t want you to come in, “dont fucking yell at me, you came into my house! i told your ass to leave and you chose to come in anyway!” she yelled, flailing her arms around in anger. you scoffed, grabbing a few of your clothing items to toss them into your bag along with your macbook. “so you just fuck everyone? right?” you asked, zipping the bookbag up aggressively.

this made her roll her eyes, “what the fuck are you talking about now?” ellie said, making you shake your head as you threw the bag back over your shoulder, “just.. shut the fuck up.” you said, not even baring to look at her, “ playing stupid all you want when youre sitting in this fucking apartment alone.” you said, heading towards the door but ellie quickly standing in front of the frame.

“no, you wanted in so bad, lets talk.” she said, blocking your way which made you more angry than before, “ellie, get the fuck out of the way!” you said, raising your voice once again. you waited a second to see if she would move, once she didnt, you shoved her back before storming past her. ellie stumbled a bit, “what the fuck!”

this action made ellie have to hold back, her fists balling up by her sides before following behind you, “oh yeah? make sure you get all your shit too! you wanna put your hands on me? yeah me and you are fucking done!” she yelled, following behind to walk you to the door, dina was sat straight up on the couch, confused by all the commotion. your voices echoing and vibrating off the walls regardless of the nicely decorated apartment.

“we been through from the moment you tried to hide from me what the fuck was actually happening! youre a bitch and you can keep those fucking panties you stole too!” you yelled back in her face, making her point to the door, “get out. get the fuck out now.” she said calmly, trying to hold back from putting her hands on you.

you looked at her, your eyes slightly squinted as your eyebrows were furrowed, making your face appear in a glare. if looks could kill, ellie would be dead instantly. you snatched the door open to make your way out. her dominant hand slamming the door behind you as she let out a sigh. “what panties?” dina asked, making ellie mutter, “its nothing.”.

there was people out of their dorms, some peeking around the corner and others holding their cameras in hopes of a fight. you on the other hand rushed out of the building, not wanting to be anywhere near. you felt so fucking betrayed, not wanting to open your mouth to say word.

——

a few hours following the encounter with ellie, you were laid in bed with a bag of chips and sweets on your floral patterned comforter, ipad propped up with a movie playing. you didnt wanna think about the situation, mind in a haze and your stomach dropping each time the situation played back out. you couldnt bring yourself to texting her. although you wanted to, your ego was too big to make yourself look desperate over a fucking cheater.

you had a conversation with your best friend on the way home, and by a conversation i mean you screamed into the phone like a crazy person. after a while of your rants, your bestie simply told you to cut her off and not give her the time of the day. easy for her to say considering her situation. it was whatever though, you didnt wanna dwell too much on it since the whole ordeal pissed you off.

you rolled over, cutting your eyes away from the screen of your ipad to let out a sigh, head popping up instantly once you heard a knock at your door. you moved your snacks away, throwing the blanket off of you to sit up and remained seated at the edge of your mattress. you prepped yourself before jumping off the high bed, nearly slipping due to rug under your feet.

the knocks started up again, making you let out an, “im coming.” you said, reaching up to grab your phone from the bed to check the time. ‘kinda early for her to be back’ you thought to yourself, shrugging it off as you adjusted your pajamas. your fingers twisted the lock above the doorhandle, turning it to be met with ellie.

“oh fuck no.” you said, attempting to close the door in her face. ellie placed a hand on the wooden frame of the entrance, pushing the crack back open just enough so she could see your face. your eyes were a bit red and puffy due to the mental breakdown you had once you returned. ultimately ending with you cleaning up the thrown objects you tossed all over.

“we need to talk.” the auburnette demanded, making you roll your eyes and whine a bit in annoyance, “talk for what? you said we was over so just go on about your night.” you said, attempting to close the door once again, making ellie place her converse covered foot in the crack which prevented you from further pursuing.

ellie looked down at you, muttering a simple “please.” which made you slowly give up, stepping back to let her in. her hands pushed the door shut, looking in your direction for a moment. you tilted your head at her with a ‘will you hurry it up’ expression written over your pretty face.

she sighed, “look okay, youre right.. i did try to hide that dina was over but listen, that doesnt mean i did anything with her.” she said, it was a fair point however it didnt matter. transparency and honesty is what you wanted from her, no matter the circumstance. you didnt say anything, letting her finish.

“she was at my place because she was having some issues and i wanted to be there for her. ive known her since i was 14 years old in jackson. shes like family to me.” she explained which made you hum in response. you wanted to forgive her but you couldn’t, seeing her face making you feel triggered somehow and already at a place of unforgiving.

you shook your head, “it doesnt matter, i dont want to be involved with you or anything you have going on.” you said, crossing your arms across your chest as you looked at her. your eyes swelled a bit with tears, teeth attaching to your bottom while you looked at her. your eyebrows furrowed, looking at her for a while before feeling a tear drop and fall on the front of your shirt.

ellie felt her expression soften, almost instantly wrapping her arms you at an attempt to soothe you. your cries growing louder while you dug your face into her neck, breathing in her scent that you once couldn’t get enough of. the way her arms was around you made memories flash back into your head causing you to instinctively push her back, bringing a hand up to wipe the tears that dropped so graciously from your waterducts.

“get out. i dont wanna see you anymore, ellie.”

the words hit ellie like a truck, her heart shattering almost as fast as it did earlier when she heard you say it. she didnt want you to go. she didnt want for the two of you to be through. she wanted you more than anything right now, her attitude shifting once she realized the seriousness in your words.

“you cant be fucking serious. you’re seriously done with me after everything?” she asked, eyebrows furrowed while her arm was extended out to the side. “im serious.” you said, making her scoff and shake her head in annoyance.

“fine.” she said, giving you one more look before heading out, being sure to shut the door behind her with some force which made you jump at the slam. your tears were still flowing down your cheeks, your feet leading you back to your bed to climb up the rather small ladder.

once you were ontop of your mattress, you got comfortable and began to curl up into a ball, sobbing so much tears as to where your pillow was soaked. you hated this feeling so much. you didnt want things to be over but figured maybe things were better off this way. she lied to you without a care in the world so who knows how easily itll be for her to do it again.

you couldn’t trust her and there isnt a relationship with trust not being one of the main factors. your decision was ultimately right in your eyes, not wanting to waste any more time with the girl and her so called ‘family issues’, putting that aside to now move forward and care more about yourself.

it was well needed.

<3

a/n: hope things wasnt too sad for you guys!! thank you so much for reading!! any requests?

part four coming soon!!!

direct link to my masterlist!!

[dutchvanwinkle]

Mr Van der Linde Pt. 10 - Dutch x Reader

This is it, angels! The last chapter of the Mr Van der Linde mini-fic. This has been an absolute joy to write, thank you for allowing me to indulge in my fantasy and for being the most wonderful group of enablers a writer could ever ask for. The response to this story has been much more than I expected, and I’ve had the best time sharing it with you. Thank you endlessly for your support and hype <3

It's on ao3, if you'd rather read there!

Summary: You deal with the consequences of your actions.

Word count: 9,037

Content warnings: smoking, drug use

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5 | PART 6 | PART 7 | PART 8 | PART 9 | PART 10

‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗‗

You’d blocked Dutch’s number. It was the only thing left to do.  

It was the first action you took upon getting on that train. You knew that if you heard his voice or read a single word from him, you’d cave.

The level of agony you felt was like nothing you’d ever experienced. Your heart was broken, so much so that you were surprised the thing was still able to beat. All of a sudden, two of the most important people in your life were strangers. The man you loved, and your best friend.  

God, you missed them.  

You missed John’s laugh down the phone, or the way his eyes grew heavy after he’d had one too many drinks. You missed the way he’d snuggle into you while hungover or come and see you just so you could sit in a comfortable silence together. He was about to become a father, and there you went piling more stress onto his already heavy load.  

It didn’t bear thinking about how much you missed Dutch. It was too painful to even list the things you loved the most about him, that you knew you’d never get to experience again.  

It was a miracle that your other friends were still speaking to you. The boys had been quiet, siding more so with John but not quite willing to cut you out completely. The girls still got in touch with you regularly, and you weren’t sure what you’d do with yourself if they didn’t.  

Abigail updated you on her pregnancy over the next few weeks, and it was like a knife to the chest at the realisation that you wouldn’t even be able to meet her baby, at least not for a long time.  

She and Karen had been distraught when you announced the news that you weren’t going to attend graduation, but you’d thought it through for long enough. Everyone would be there, family members included. You daren’t even think about how awkward the whole affair would be. Not going was the most sensible thing you could do, and being sensible was at the top of your current list of priorities.  

You’d received a call a week after the party from the job you interviewed for and were offered a place. Without the ability to share the news with those you wanted to hear it most, it’d only made you more depressed.  

It’d taken you a few days to type out the message to John. You started off by saying you were only going to try getting in touch with him this once since you couldn’t bring yourself to ask for his forgiveness; you knew it wasn’t something you deserved. Then, you’d explained how it happened. Sparing him the details, of course, you ran through the timeline of your and Dutch's relationship and gave him the full truth. It felt false and cliché when you started talking about how you hadn’t meant for it to happen, but it was true. To a point. You’d finished off by saying that you would always be there for him, should he ever decide he wanted to interact with you again. Then you clarified that you’d never expect him to and offered him one final apology.  

He’d read it not long after, and you were already prepared for him not to reply, so it wasn’t too much of a bluster when it went unanswered. There was a small, naïve part of you that clung to the possibility that he could, though.  

Graduation was one week away. You wanted it over with, even though you weren’t going, and had planned to take a social media break while everyone posted their smiling photos with relatives and friends.   

Curled up in bed, hiding from the world under your duvet was your most recent pastime as of late, you huffed and shut the book you weren’t able to read. Ever since that day at the Van der Linde’s, you had an awful tension headache that wouldn’t shift no matter what you did. So instead, you shut your eyes, hoping you’d fall into a nap to pass the time.  

After a few minutes, your phone began vibrating and with a tired grunt, you leaned over, becoming instantly more alert at the name that was on your screen.  

John.  

You held the phone in your hands like it would explode if you moved it too harshly, staring at the screen until the call rang out and the vibrating stopped.  

It had to have been an accident. You didn’t want to deal with the awkward scenario of picking up, to be faced with a spluttering John explaining it was a mistake. Then your phone buzzed again, this time with a message.  

Call me when you’re free.  

It was the longest you’d gone without breathing, your body forgetting its most basic survival instinct and going into complete shock. He was finally ready to yell at you, to call you all the names under the sun and explain how badly he wished he’d never met you. You wanted to throw the whole phone away, but he deserved the chance to have a go at you if it’s what he wanted, and you took a deep breath before pressing the call button by his name.  

Time had never moved as slowly as it had during the three rings that elapsed before they stopped, and then John spoke through the phone.  

“Hey.”  

Hearing his voice was enough to make you tear up, but you cleared your throat and willing yourself to remain steady. “Hi.”  

John sighed, and you could only imagine how nauseating it was for him to have to interact with you. “Abigail said you’re not coming to graduation.”  

“No, I’m not.”  

He sighed again, finding his words. “That don’t seem fair.”  

Your eyebrows pulled together, unable to make sense of where this conversation was going. “I don’t reckon I deserve fair,” you said, immediately hearing how self-pitying you sounded. “It’s fine, I don’t want to go anyway.”  

“We both know that’s not true.”  

“It doesn’t matter.” After a beat of silence, your emotions got the better of you. “John, I’m so sorry -”  

“Don’t.” He was stern but softened his voice for his next sentence. “I know we need to talk, but not like this.”  

Unsure what to say, you decided to allow John some room to speak further.  

“Come to graduation. We’re all staying at the house the night before,” you knew that already, just because you didn’t respond in the group chat didn’t mean you weren’t reading the messages, “before we have to pack up and leave.”  

The mere thought of being there with everyone, seeing them all with their families and then seeing Dutch too was enough to send your brain into overdrive. “I can’t.”  

“It won’t be the same without you.”  

You pressed your lips together, hoping to keep your composure just a little while longer. “John, I’m confused. Aren’t you mad at me? Don’t you hate me?”  

“Yes. Mad at you, I mean. I don’t hate you though. Trust me, I tried to,” he sounded reluctant to admit to it. “I’ve had time to think. And I know I’ll regret it if I know I didn’t at least try to get you to come.”  

“You know, I think I’d prefer it if you yelled at me.”  

John laughed mirthlessly. “Part of me wants to, but... it won’t do no good.”  

The silence hung between you, and despite all the things you wanted to say to him, you couldn’t find a single word.  

“Look,” he began. “You still mean a lot to me. You worked hard on this degree and truthfully... I wouldn’t have got mine if it weren’t for you. I want you there with me.”  

You choked, because you didn’t deserve him being so kind and he repeated your name for you to just nod, even though he obviously couldn’t see you. “Sorry,” you whispered, and while it was an apology for your lack of response, you used it as a chance to let out some of the apology hoard you had stored up.  

“Just come, alright? You can leave early if you want. Besides, the others want to see you too.”  

After a shaky breath, you decided it was worth a shot. Even if you went to the house the night before and didn’t attend the ceremony, it was worth a try. You said you’d try to rectify it if you could, and this could be the chance to take the first few steps towards that goal. “Alright. I’ll come.”  

Some of the tension dissipated through the phone, and you waited for John’s response. “Okay. See you next week.”  

Then he hung up.  

After the call ended, your phone navigated to the most recently used app, and you were met with your recent search history, mainly along the lines of can a person run out of tears and is anyone close to inventing time travel yet.  

Had that just happened? You checked the call logs to confirm that yes, it had. John had called you. He hadn’t yelled at you. He hadn’t so much as berated you. He said you meant a lot to him. He said he wanted to talk to you and see you at graduation.  

Holy shit. Your apprehension about not going was immeasurable compared with your apprehension about actually going.  

-

The entire train journey back to university had been spent with you fidgeting, your mind going a million miles an hour at the prospect of what you were about to face.   Karen and Abigail were overjoyed you’d agreed to come, and you had a sneaky suspicion Abigail had played a part in convincing John to get in touch with you, even if she wouldn’t admit it.  

Instead of taking a bus to your rented house like you usually would, you decided to take the walk to stretch your legs, get some fresh air, and prepare yourself for whatever greeted you when you got there.  

But when you did, it still wasn’t enough time. Panic seeped into your veins and your breaths grew short, so you took a seat on the half-wall that acted as a border around your poor excuse for a front garden.   No matter what, you couldn’t still your hands, and reluctantly pulled a cigarette out of the pack that resided in your pocket. You lit it, and once you were halfway done, you heard the front door open behind you.  

You daren’t look around, not wanting to face whoever had caught you wallowing in your guilt.  

But the door clicked shut, and footsteps down the front path preluded John taking a seat beside you.   

“I thought you only smoked casually.”  

“It helps,” you flicked the ash away, not meeting John’s face. “A little.”  

“I see.”  

You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, keeping your gaze fixed on the floor with not a single clue on how to have this conversation.   

“How long you plan on sitting out here?” John asked.  

“Not sure,” you mumbled.  

“You know you can’t stay here forever.”  

After a short nod, you plucked up the courage to shift your gaze from the floor and to John. Your dismal state must’ve shown on your face, as he looked at you pitifully. “It's so fucked up,” you began, the tension needling under your skin. “I know it is, I’m so sorry. Sorrier than I know how to express.”   

“I believe you.”  

Why must he be so calm? Where was the John you knew, the one who’d pick a fight at the first opportunity – the one who’d slammed the door open when he’d caught you in the act? “Just yell at me or something, please. I can’t take it.”  

“Don’t rightly think I can, you looking all forlorn as you are,” he hummed, drumming his fingertips on the wall.  

Your face was already a permanent frown, but you felt it deepen. All you wanted to do was cry, even if that was the only thing you’d done over the past few weeks. It seemed a person couldn’t run out of tears, after all.  

John edged closer, and you immediately shook your head. “No, don’t comfort me, I don’t deserve it.”  

“You always do beat yourself up over stuff,” he scoffed gently.  

“No, John. I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”  

“You don’t gotta keep saying that.”  

“I don’t know what else I can say.”  

He let out a short breath, stretching his neck out. “I do have one question for you.”  

Your nod in response was almost eager, willing to answer anything he asked.  

“Would you take it back if you could?  

“I –” you stopped to take a breath. “Yeah, of course.”  

“Funny.”  

“Why funny?”  

“Dad said he wouldn’t. And he said that’s what he was the sorriest about, that he’d do it all again given the chance.”  

You weren’t sure what to say, your heart clutching to hear such a thing but not wanting to show it on your face. You’d wondered how he’d taken the whole thing, the urge to ask Abigail had been strong but you knew you wouldn’t have been able to bear the answer either way. It didn't bear thinking about how much you missed him.  

“I have another question.”  

“Shoot.”  

“More of a clarification.”  

“Okay.”  

“You really are in love with each other, aren’t you?”  

You swallowed, shaking your head to look at your lap but you weren’t saying no, and John knew that. “It’s... I...” you sighed, having no more lies left in you. You met John’s concerned gaze.  

“It's okay,” he reassured stiffly.  

“No, it’s not okay. Nothing about it is okay. You mean the world to me,” you pressed your lips together to stop them from quivering as tears gathered in your eyes once more. “None of it matters now,” you added dejectedly.  

John shifted beside you, finally taking his gaze away and instead planting it somewhere ahead of him. “I think it does.”  

“What do you mean?” you asked quietly.  

“He’s been... Well, he’s not been good. He’s sorry, to me, but mainly he’s... Heartbroken, I guess. He’s been so happy recently, we’ve all noticed it, and now he’s just... Not.”  

It pained you to hear how hurt he was. Knowing you were the cause of his pain, denying him even a single word turned your stomach even more. “Oh, I’m... Sorry.”  

John sighed. “I want him to be happy. And I want you to be happy. That’s what means the most to me.”  

“I’m sure we’ll both be fine, eventually. Like I said, it’s not important how either of us feel. We did an awful fucking thing, and I guess we both deserve to feel like shit.”  

“That’s just it,” John paused as you stubbed out your cig with your foot, “maybe being happy is what you deserve.”  

You glanced at him, trepidation and anxiety set into his features. He looked so much older, somehow.  

“I’m not saying I’ve forgiven you. Certainly ain’t forgiven him. I’m not saying I’m your biggest fan right now, either. But I just need a bit of time to get used to it. It ain’t worth losing you,” he said pointedly. “You know what my momma said to me, before she passed?”   John seldom spoke of his mother, and your ears perked up at the privilege of being his audience. “She said one day, he was gonna love someone again. Said she knew it was hard to hear, hard to imagine him moving on, but that he wouldn’t be complete if he didn’t have someone to love. He loves love. Just the way he is. She also said it’d take him a good long while, and it did – I ain’t never seen him in a relationship since her. In her eyes, that meant that when he finally did move on, it would be with someone I could trust. She told me when the time came, to trust him. And to trust that the person he chose would be someone who cared for me, someone I could rely on.”  

Your eyes were brimming by that point, but you didn’t want to do him the disservice of looking away while he was being so raw.   

“She was right,” John shrugged.  

“You really look at what I’ve done,” you said hoarsely, fighting away a sob, “as the action of someone who cares for you? John, if I cared about you I would never have even let the thought cross my mind.”  

“Alright,” he nodded, a challenge, “what about everything else you’ve done in the last few years?”  

You blinked at him.  

“What about when you set me up with Abigail? What about when you convinced me to carry on at uni, even though I wanted to drop out? What about all the times you’ve looked after me when I was too drunk to see? What about all those deep chats we had late at night? What about when Abigail said she was keeping the baby, and you stayed up with me half the night until I finally slept?”  

You didn’t have a response for him.  

“I can’t forget all of that,” he said evenly, “even if right now I am mad at you. I know you, I know that you didn’t intend to hurt me with any of this.”  

“When did you get so grown up?” your face scrunched, John’s words a soothing balm over your open wounds.  

“Can’t expect my kid to turn out alright if I’m still acting like one.”  

“Makes sense.”  

“I’m not saying it won’t be weird, but... I can learn to deal with it.”  

You looked at him with mild incredulity, hardly believing the words coming out of his mouth. “You can’t be serious.”  

“I am.”  

Again, your eyes filled up and you couldn’t stop the tears, holding your fingertips under your eyes to catch them.  

John shuffled closer once again and hesitated, but then put his arm around your shoulders, and you didn’t have it in you to resist nestling into his embrace. “Goddamnit woman,” he scoffed, his voice lighter and more familiar, “will you quit crying already?”  

“Can’t help it,” you sniffed.  

John rested his head on top of yours and you squeezed your eyes shut, wondering what you did to deserve such a wonderful friend.  

After a time, when your tears had dried and your breathing regulated, the two of you ventured inside and were greeted with the sight of your four other friends lazing around in the living room.  

You looked at them sheepishly, but they smiled in response, seemingly relieved to see you and John on the way to being on good terms.  

At first, it was uncomfortable. The situation was somewhat of an elephant in the room, but it didn’t seem like anyone was up for bringing up the topic. These were your final days altogether, the last remaining part of your lives that made you students. After this, while you’d remain friends, you’d never be living together all under the same roof again. You didn’t need another excuse to cry, so you didn’t spend any more time chasing that train of thought.  

Eventually, the conversation flowed easier, and it was almost like you were existing in a time months ago, where you hadn’t made any terrible choices and your friends hadn’t found out about them.  

“Still can’t believe we’re meeting your infamous da,” Abigail mocked Sean, who grinned back at her.  

“Oh, he’s excited to meet the lot of you, too. I assured him you weren’t all a pompous bunch.”  

“My dad’s coming too. Hey,” Javier pointed at you, “make sure you don’t fuck him.”  

You glared at Javier, but at the snorts of laughter around the room you couldn’t help but break into a reluctantly amused smirk. “I have no intention of doing such a thing.”  

“Did you have the intention to fuck Mr Van der Linde?”  

“Can we not.”  

Thankfully, even John was laughing, and while you thought the subject was still too tender to poke fun at, you agreed that this may be the easy way of getting it out in the open.  

“Hey,” John said, “part of the deal with you fucking my dad is that we’re allowed to tease you for it.”  

You shrunk into your seat. “I was not aware of that condition.”   

“No? Would you like my permission to be revoked?”  

You huffed, thoroughly left without a leg to stand on. “No. Fine.”  

Denying John the right to hold this over you, likely for the rest of your life, wasn’t something you could do. If he had to pick on you and tease you, then you’d allow it, so long as it meant the two of you could remain friends.  

The six of you settled into a familiar rhythm, laughing and joking until you were all too tired to continue.  

-

When morning came around and you and the girls began getting ready together, your heart tugged at just how much you valued your sisterhood with them. Despite it all, they’d remained your friends, checked up on you, and attempted to provide a sense of normalcy in your life.  

“Are you nervous?” Abigail spoke into the concentrated silence, all three of you working on your makeup.  

You glanced in your propped-up mirror to see her reflection behind you, awaiting a response. “I assume you’re not talking about walking across the stage.”  

She shook her head in the negative.   Given the past few weeks, you’d had enough practice banishing thoughts of Dutch from your mind that you’d grown rather good at it. That had included today, where you’d disallowed yourself to picture the ways your reunion could play out.   

“I suppose I am a little.”  

“Surely you’re excited, though?” Karen added on, sounding rather excited herself.  

“Why would I be?”  

“Well,” she drawled, “you clearly love the man. Ain’t there a part of you eager to be all lovey-dovey with him again?”  

You turned to frown at her face-on, instead of through the reflection in your mirror. “What? No - I’m not going to carry on seeing him.”  

They observed you, puzzled, and Abigail decided on a response.   “But I thought that was what you agreed on, with John?”  

“He said he’d find a way to deal with it. He shouldn’t have to do that,” you turned back to your mirror and continued preening. “I’m not going to start things up with Dutch again,” you lamented.  

They didn’t question it, but you could feel their confusion in the air. You couldn’t blame them. They decided not to probe the subject further.  

Sure, John had said he’d deal with it. He’d said he wanted you both to be happy. But before all that, you vowed to yourself that you’d do anything to have a friendship with him, and would you really be true to your word if you actively extended his discomfort?  

John’s blessing had been music to your ears at first. But being so forgiving was easier said than done – who's to say he wouldn’t grow to resent you, the damage to your friendship being irreparable? It wasn’t a risk you could take.  

-

Thankfully, the ceremony was the first thing on the agenda that day. There were no awkward encounters to be had, and you got to walk across the stage without falling over and receive your degree in relative peace. Again, you’d actively pushed the prospect of seeing Dutch again out of your mind until you were forced to deal with it in real-time.  

But once the ceremony was finished, it was time for everyone to socialise in the sunny courtyard while the graduates took photos with their family and friends, leaving nowhere left for you to hide. Unless...  

Thanks to your newfound habit, you excused yourself once the six of you had taken a group picture, proof that you had in fact been there, and had at least waited a few minutes before running away.  

There was a quiet alley round the side of the main building, the wall of which you leaned up against and brought your newly lit cigarette to your lips. It was nice to decompress, and with all that’d happened in the last twenty-four hours alone, it was nice to have some peace.  

You took your time, eventually lighting a second cigarette and deciding this would not be a healthy habit to keep up.  

“When did you start smoking?”  

That cigarette was nearly choked into your mouth at the baritone of Dutch’s voice, one you hadn’t heard in a longer while than you cared to admit.  

You had to face him at some point, you supposed. At least this wasn’t in front of a whole group of people.  

Slowly, you turned, the man himself coming into view. His hands were casually in his pockets, and as always, his suit was immaculate, and hair perfectly styled. There was one noticeable difference though; he looked tired.  

“Gives me an excuse to escape. Plus,” you shunted the cigarette up a bit, “I miss the taste.” You looked at his lips, the hundreds of drunken kisses the two of you had shared that always had an underlying hint of tobacco. Dutch brushed his fingertips over your hand, and you pulled away, refusing to meet his gaze.   

“Please, I can’t.”  

“Didn’t John speak to you?”  

“Yes, but it doesn’t matter. He’s not okay with it, regardless of what he says.”  

Dutch’s shoulders dropped, and he leaned on the wall opposite you. His gaze was fixed on you, and you eventually met it.  

The two of you looked at each other for a short while, and it was like you could read his mind, and tell him what you were thinking and feeling without saying a single word.  

You missed him, you were sorry, he missed you, he was sorry.  

More than anything, you wanted to wrap your arms around him and never let go, kiss him until your lips ached, and make a home in the crook of his neck.  

“You blocked my number.” It wasn’t a question.  

“I had to,” you took a drag and rolled the cigarette between your fingers once you’d dropped your hand back by your side.  

“Did you really? You couldn’t have at least said goodbye – after all we’ve been through?”  

“Don’t make me feel bad,” your tone came out angered, and you swiftly reeled yourself in. “I couldn’t feel any worse about the whole thing if I tried. There was no other choice, not if I wanted a chance at earning back John’s friendship.”  

“The way I hear it, the two of you are already getting on.”  

“He’s being kind. Kinder than I deserve and we’re a long way off repairing our friendship.”  

Dutch nodded, and it hurt to see the pain that’d made camp on his face.  

“How are things with the two of you?”  

“Long way off,” he echoed. “He didn’t speak to me for a while, but he’s starting to be civil. I’m surprised by him, truth be told.”  

“Why?”  

“He’s been real grown up about it all,” his lips twitched with an unmitigated fondness, “we talked it all out, and he actually listened to my side of it. That’s two of my boys out-manning me, now.”  

“Is Arthur okay?” you asked at the mention of him.  

“Yeah,” he said noncommittally, “not happy with me either, but can’t say I blame him. Especially not after the Molly business.”  

“I did try telling him you weren’t to blame.”  

“I know.” The look he gave you was grateful, and you couldn’t only imagine the grief he’d received from the two men.  

It was surreal to see him standing there. You wondered if you’d even remember this conversation in a week's time, or whether it’d be some lucid recollection you wouldn’t be able to pick out words from.   

“Did you hear back about that interview?”  

You nodded. “They offered me a job.”  

Despite his saddened expression, a glint of pride broke its way through. “Congrats. You’ll do well there, should you decide to take it.”  

“Thanks.” It wasn’t quite the reaction you’d pictured in your mind before all this nasty business, instead, it’d be Dutch pulling you into a boisterous embrace and immediately coming up with a schedule to ensure the two of you saw each other regularly enough.  

His pained eyes glanced down your form and made their way back up to your face. The crease between his brows was permanently etched there now, it seemed.  

“I’m sorry they found out that way,” he said.  

“Me too. I don’t blame you for it.”  

“Please,” he took a hesitant step towards you. “Reconsider. Is it not worth us trying, at least? John’s okay with it -”  

“He is not. He’s only saying that because he feels obliged.”  

“That’s not true, he came to me to talk about it, said he wants us to be together -”  

“Do you not hear how insane that sounds? Why would he want his father and b- friend to be in a relationship?”  

“Sorry to interrupt,” John’s voice broke into your conversation as he strolled over to the pair of you, “but my ears were burning.”  

You both just looked at him, simmering back into your own spaces – it wasn’t a conscious decision to edge closer to Dutch.  

“You’re arguing,” he observed.  

“I -” you sighed, itching your brow, and abandoned your unformed sentence in favour of another drag from your cigarette.  

“This is meant to be a happy day,” Dutch said guiltily.  

“No, I know. I think I should go –”  

“No,” John put a hand on each of your shoulders, stopping you from walking away from the situation. “Look, I’ll be honest, I’m tired of him moping,” he gestured his head towards his father.  

Dutch slipped the cigarette from between your fingers and brought it to his mouth for a long drag. It was like static where his skin had brushed against yours, and your eyes lingered on his lips as he took a drag. He went to hand it back to you, but you shook your head.  

“Keep it.”  

“And I’m tired of you being so hard on yourself,” he narrowed his eyes at you, before looking between you both once more. “You shouldn’t have done what you did. You shouldn’t have gone behind my back for so long.”  

The pair of you glanced at each other, scolded but in agreement with him.  

“But I understand why you did. For the pair of you to do this, to take it this far – it must be something genuine.”  

More genuine than you cared to admit. Being without Dutch was like being without a limb.  

“You deserve the chance to test it out in the open. Ideally,” he huffed in mild amusement, “not too open. I don’t wanna watch you canoodling. But still. You do have my blessing,” he squeezed your shoulder, “and I’m not just saying that. I’ve thought about it, and I mean it.”  

There were no words, so you rested your hand over John’s that was still planted on his shoulder.   

“Thank you, son,” Dutch said, his voice cracking despite his hardened demeanour.  

“Now,” John lightened his tone and the mood, “from what I hear they’re about to open the bar. And I don’t know about either of you but I sure as hell need a drink.”  

“I sure do,” you agreed quietly, and Dutch beckoned for the two of you to proceed, and you all made your way over to the bar.  

-

After John’s talk, you began to settle into the idea of trying again with Dutch. You were still hesitant, but since Dutch had reminded you to unblock his number, he’d messaged you regularly and gently brought you around to the idea.  

So, you’d started talking more frequently, general chitchat and while it wasn’t quite the same, you found yourself valuing his conversation much more than you had previously. Still, you were hesitant to visit him, but Dutch agreed to ease back into the relationship, and going long periods without seeing him wasn’t an alien concept to you considering that’d been the norm for over two years.  

It was only a few more weeks until John messaged the group chat saying Abigail had gone into labour, and he’d sent you a private message saying it might be a good time for you to go to his house, considering nobody would be there and you could have some alone time together.  

Dutch too had messaged you, and you allowed your chest to grow warm at the thought of them colluding to convince you to come round. He’d confirmed the house was empty save for him, Tilly spending half of her summer staying at Arthur and Charles’ place.  

You decided to bite the bullet and agreed, getting the train that same day before you had a chance to chicken out. Unsurprisingly, Dutch stood firm in his decision to pick you up from the station.  

The car journey to his house had been quiet, the two of you not knowing where you stood or how to approach the situation. Arriving at his house and seeing the big stone driveway was enough to make your heartbeat quicken, the memory of your last visit resurfacing.   

Dutch had made you a hot drink, and the two of you were sat outside in the late evening summer sun, thankful for the chirping birds that filled the silence.   

“If you’re uncomfortable, please tell me. I’ll take you home, and I won’t be offended,” he said gently.  

“I’m not uncomfortable,” you settled him, “it’s just a little strange as all. Didn't think I'd ever be here again.”  

After a long sigh, Dutch shifted in his seat, angling himself towards you as though he had a secret he wanted only you to hear. “I have a plan.”  

You raised your eyebrows at him. “A plan for what?”  

“Making you a little more comfortable.”  

“Let’s hear it.”  

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a blunt.  

You couldn’t resist laughing, looking at him in shock. “You want to get high?”  

“Why not?”  

“Because,” you began, though no reason came to mind why you shouldn’t. “Because - is that a good idea?”  

“Course. Might help us loosen up a little.” His charming smile made you feel all fuzzy – his under eyes were less dark than when you’d seen him last and he looked overall more like himself. He was dressed down in a t-shirt and jeans, and you were appreciative of the delightful view of those hairy forearms of his.  

“I didn’t even know you got high.”  

“Where do you think John gets it?”  

“You sell drugs?” your face shifted from shocked to understanding, “no wonder you’re so rich.”  

“I do not sell drugs.”  

“No. Just to your son?”  

“No, I don’t want him buying overpriced shit from some sketchy dealer. If he’s going to do drugs, he’s going to at least do good drugs. Besides, I don’t support the criminalisation of it.”  

“Right,” you laughed, not wanting to spur him onto his well-worn soap box. “Well then,” you plucked it from his fingers to rest it between your teeth and reached into his pocket where you knew he kept his lighter, relishing in the tensing of his thighs, and flicked it on to light the end of the joint. “Let us not waste any time.”  

You blew out the smoke and handed it to him, his face looking close to boyish with his grin in response. “I like your attitude.” Dutch took an inhale of his own, and either you really did have a thing for guys when they smoked or this was some strong stuff, because you began to feel all tingly.  

Relaxing back on the bench, you took in the view of the garden and tipped your head back, allowing the sun to graze over your face. “I have missed being here.”  

“I’ve missed having you here,” Dutch said, and you cracked an eye open at him, to see him observing you fondly. “I’m glad, in a way.”  

“About what?”  

“It happening the way it did.”  

“Why?”  

“We don’t have to hide it any longer,” he rested his arm on the bench behind you, “the sneaking around was growing tiresome.”  

“I suppose,” you took the blunt from him and brought it to your lips. “Still, not sure I’ll ever recover from that look on John’s face.”  

“Let’s not go back there right now. I’ve spent too much time in that space recently.”  

You handed the joint back to him thoughtfully. “Has your mental health been okay?”  

Dutch chuckled knowingly. “It has not. Thankfully, I’ve learnt to recognise the unhealthy thought patterns, and I was on a higher dose of medication for a while.”  

“You’re not now?”  

“No,” he shook his head, blowing out the smoke. “After John’s talk, after I could speak to you again – it all calmed down.”  

“I see. I’m sorry you were suffering.”  

“That’s alright,” he shrugged, passing the joint over to you. Dutch was going to say something else when your phone buzzed, and you pulled it from your pocket, expression brightening at what greeted you on the screen.  

“Congratulations are in order,” you tilted the screen towards him, and he looked over your shoulder at the photo of a baby clutched in Abigail’s arms with John leaning over, a tired grin on his face.  

Dutch’s face softened into excitement, and he took his reading glasses from his pocket to place them on his face and get a better look. “Oh my, look at that.”  

Another photo came through, a close-up of the baby accompanied by a message from John sent to the group chat.  

Jack’s here. Abigail had a tough delivery, but she was great, and we now officially have a healthy son. Can’t wait for you all to meet him.  

Very to the point, and very on-brand for John. “Jack,” you crooned, “that’s lovely.”  

Dutch patted his pocket, scoffing. “My phone’s in the kitchen, let me go text him.”  

“You remember the weed, but not your phone while your grandson is being born?”  

“Oh hush,” he muttered as he walked into the house.  

He returned a few minutes later, while you’d messaged your congratulations along with the rest of your friends.  

“How’s it feel to be a grandfather?”  

“Good, oddly enough,” Dutch settled beside you, noticeably closer than he had been previously, but you didn’t mind. He took the joint from you and had a couple of drags.  

“He’s gorgeous,” you smiled, and the two of you settled into a rhythm of smoking and chatting while the sun bathed you in its rays.   

It was a lovely evening, and it wasn’t long before the joint was burnt out and you’d slowly slipped to be nestled into Dutch’s side, his head resting on yours and fingertips running over your palm.   The two of you remained like that, fully relaxed and happy just to be near each other, the odd shift in position the only thing to break the peaceful silence.  

The movement of Dutch’s fingers had transmuted to the brushing of his palm up your arm, and you tilted your head to look at him. His hands felt so good, so firm and warm, his rings leaving a cool trail in their wake.  

He glanced down at you, face content, and you couldn’t help but admire how gorgeous he was.  

“I’m hungry.”  

“I can order -”  

You cupped his jaw and attached your lips to his, not sure you could wait a single moment longer. The two of you still hadn’t shared a kiss since you’d arrived, and the weeks of longing to have his lips on yours had been agonising.   

“Oh,” he said once you’d pulled away.   

You laughed softly, edging closer despite already being pressed up against him. His eyes had already grown hungry too, and you realised you weren’t hungry at all. You were ravenous.  

The two of you demanded the next kiss at the same time, one not nearly enough to make up for all those you’d missed out on. He gripped your waist, and you twisted your hand into the collar of his shirt, the two of you not willing to part with the taste of each other's mouths.   

“Darlin’,” he breathed when you both finally surfaced for air, and you touched the tip of your nose to his. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed that.”  

“Believe me,” you pecked the corner of his mouth, “I do.”  

He ran a hand over your hair and tilted his head when your expression turned devious. “Do I even want to ask?”  

You shook your head and stood, leaving him still leaning forward where your body was now absent. “I’d rather show.”  

With that you walked into the house, Dutch’s rushed and uneven footsteps soon following behind.  

“What are we doing?” he said, excited, as you led him towards the study.  

Once there, you sat on his desk and parted your legs. “I believe we have some unfinished business.”  

“Oh,” he smirked and stopped in his tracks, running a hand through his hair and visibly less rigid thanks to the herbs in his system.   

His eyes were fixed on the spot between your thighs as he stalked towards you, reaching his hands out and gripping your thighs once he was close enough, pulling them even further apart and growling from his chest as he nestled his crotch between them. You bit down on your lip when you felt how hard he was, becoming acutely aware of how much wetter you were than usual, likely a mix of your heightened senses and the given circumstance.  

“I do admire your thoroughness, miss,” he murmured into your ear, trailing his lips over your lobe and down your neck.  

You sighed weakly into the air and let your eyes fall shut, thighs attempting to tighten around him, but his grip was like iron as he kept your thighs in place. Then his lips were gone, and you opened your eyes to see that he was too. You looked down to find him knelt between your legs. “Thirsty?” you teased, and he grinned up at you, black pupils taking up almost all of his iris’.   

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” he pushed the material of the dress up your legs and nuzzled his nose into your mound. “I do love you in a summer dress,” he murmured, and you could feel the vibrations from his baritone.  

Dutch chuckled at your feeble attempt of pushing your hips closer to him, not relenting with his grip.   

“Don’t worry sweet girl, I don’t have it in me to tease you right now.”  

There was no time to answer before his mouth was on you, pressing over the wet material of your underwear. Dutch licked up your slit, tangling his tongue with the fabric and you whined, placing your hands behind you on the cool wood of his desk.   

“That’s it,” he said, taking your underwear between his teeth to move it to the side, “let me hear you.”  

You glanced down at him, the infatuation plain on his face as he stared at your dripping pussy. “What happened to not teasing me?”  

“This is not teasing. Do you want to see teasing?”  

“Dutch,” you warned, and he could hear the seriousness filter through your playful tone.  

“Not tonight,” he decided, and dived right into his favourite meal.  

Dutch kissed and sucked your skin, the responsiveness of your pussy providing him with more hydration than he could manage to take in, but he appeared up for the challenge. Gentle flicks of his tongue over your clit turned into a deep drag of it over your inner walls and you gasped his name repeatedly as he thoroughly lavished you with his tongue.  

Your ecstatic orgasm came around fast, and you were sure you didn’t breathe for a minute straight as he drank up all you could give him. His hands had you trapped in place so you were powerless to buck your hips and instead had to let it all go right there, and Dutch was panting when he removed his mouth from you.  

“Du -”  

He pulled you into a kiss by the back of your neck, using his other hand to undo his jeans and shuck them down far enough to pull out his cock and ease into your accommodating cunt.  

“Good lord,” he groaned, unable to focus on kissing you as your walls tensed, begging for his cock to never leave the home it found itself nestled in. “I never,” he gripped your chin between his thumb and forefinger once he’d pulled himself together, “want to go so long without your pussy again.”  

“Deal,” you kissed him, spotting the small window of opportunity while he was distracted to pull your legs from his grip and wrap them around his hips, coaxing him even further in and he let out a pained whimper.   

His hands grabbed the swell of either side of your ass, experimentally offering a few slight thrusts, but the sensation was enough to drive you wild. His thick cock felt perfect, and you mused whether that was the extra limb you’d been missing all this time.    

The small thrusts turned to longer, languid ones that had you whining, Dutch obsessive with the way he clung to your body and began fucking you stupid.  

Nothing else mattered aside from the euphoric pleasure racing through your body, being drilled into and marked by Dutch in what you assumed was every way he could think of. Nips to your collarbones, fingertips digging into your flesh, pussy fucked so deeply the skin felt raw. You didn’t care. The two of you were together again, and as was always the case when you fell into each other’s arms, the world was right again.  

“Shit,” Dutch grunted, blinking his eyes tightly as he watched himself disappear into you at a reckless pace, now not the time for tender loving. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pressing your nose against his neck and breathing in the sheen of sweat on his skin. He was being greedy, his brain chasing one thing, the only thing that mattered at that moment. “It’s like you were made for me,” he began to babble to himself, and you knew he was close, so you held your own approaching orgasm until he was ready, “you’re so perfect, s-so fucking -”  

Even words began to fail him as your body overtook every one of his thoughts, and that was a sentiment you shared as he fucked you deep and you cried out Dutch, because what other words were there?  

He came hard, leaking into you as he pressed his hips forward, the desk jolting with the motion and you allowed your release to finally come too. His hands searched for an anchor, landing on the small of your back as he held you to him until he was completely empty.  

The air around the two of you hummed, your bodies becoming soft and pliant at the familiar comfort of having your arms wrapped around each other. Eventually, each of you inched away to get a good look at the other.  

Dutch’s eyelids were heavy, lips still shining with the remnants of you, and his hair had fallen around his face. He took in the view of you too and relaxed into a content smile, leaning forward to press his lips to yours, a tender act considering how hard he’d just defiled you. Neither of you had anything to say that would surmount the feelings you were experiencing in that moment.  

So, you remained silent, breathing in one another until you were finally ready to face him pulling out.  

As he tidied himself up, you leaned back on his desk and glanced to the side of his desk, noticing a picture frame. You took it in your hands and laughed minimally at the subject of the photo. “I can’t believe you have a picture of me here but not John.”  

Despite the situation, Dutch'd made sure you get a photo with you at your graduation, you not realising he’d intended for it to take pride of place on his (now tainted) desk.  

“I look better in this photo,” he said matter-of-factly. His expression softened when you raised your brows in questioning. “Or, perhaps you just make me look good.”  

You shook your head, for him to shrug himself of judgement and join you in admiring the photo after he’d planted a kiss on your forehead.  

It was true; you did look good together.  

-

You’d intended to only stay at Dutch’s for a few days but found yourself not wanting to leave his side. In the end, you’d gone home for a single night to grab more stuff and made your way back to him first thing the next morning.  

The day finally came when Abigail and John returned, and you watched them from the window as they made their way up the driveway, a carrier in hand. Dutch’d been fretting about the nursery – which the blue spare room had been turned into, and you were glad you hadn’t needed to part with ‘your’ room even if you did stay in Dutch’s - and whether it had everything it needed, despite already buying far too much stuff. Little Jack was surely going to be spoilt.   

While you were overjoyed to get to spend so much time with the baby, Abigail and John were also happy to have you and Dutch on hand to take over when they needed a break, you ended up returning home for a time after being there for a couple of weeks, the start date at your new job just around the corner.  

Since you spent the majority of your time working from home, it didn’t matter whether you stayed at your house or Dutch’s. Not wanting to rush too much into your relationship, or crowd the new family under the roof, you and Dutch agreed to a few nights a week at his place, then you'd spend the rest of it at yours. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t attempt to convince you to stay one extra night every time you had to leave, though.  

Being around John while staying with his father had been awkward at first. But soon, as with all change, it became the new normal. It was nice, really, having him and Abigail so close by. It hadn’t taken long for Jack to become your favourite member of the family.  

It was a few months down the line, and the Van der Linde house was full. John had worked through his nerves, but having family on hand, he’d begun taking fatherhood in his stride. He’d been grateful for you too, and you couldn’t deny that you were secretly pleased about having the advantage of the chance to be Jack’s favourite Auntie, aside from Tilly of course.  

You were all in the garden after Dutch’d done a small barbeque, you stood by the table bobbing little Jack in your arms. “I do love being an auntie,” you expressed to the group, infatuated with the baby’s gorgeous cheeks.  

Abigail turned to you; her face pensive. “Wouldn’t you be his step-grandma?”  

Not that you’d expected anything less, but even Abigail had taken to the now-popular hobby of teasing you. Somehow, even Dutch had gotten in on the action. He snickered, John’s laugh echoing from the kitchen (his selective hearing was truly a wonder) before he walked outside and gave Abigail a proud kiss on the head.   

“Isn’t your momma just the funniest?” you said down to Jack, after taking an offended pause.  

She grinned at you, and you couldn’t help but return the smile.  

Eventually, you’d parted with your nephew (no, he was not your step-grandson no matter what anyone said) and began taking the plates into the kitchen, loading them up into the dishwasher.   

Dutch seized the opportunity to pat your ass as you were bent down, and you scoffed at him. “Perv.”  

He laughed easily, bringing in the cutlery and loading it in himself. After you’d turned on the washing machine, you both took to watching the small family through the window, sitting on a mat on the grass and marvelling at Jack who’d recently learnt how to roll over.  

“Now that kid will be a genius,” hummed Dutch, and you tutted at him.  

“Will you leave the poor boy alone before you start locking him up with the books?”  

Dutch ran his hands around your waist, holding you comfortably from behind, his warm and inviting torso a perfect cushion for your back. “I’ve half a mind to lock you up.”  

“Oh, I’m sorry – do I not allocate enough time to you?” you quipped, and he chuckled into your hair.  

“Not nearly enough to satiate me.”  

You tsked through your teeth, resting your hands on top of his.  

“I’m serious,” he added, and you glanced round to catch his eye.  

“Oh, come on, what now?”  

“I’ve been thinking...”  

“I’ve learnt to view that sentence as a warning.”  

Dutch’s eyes crinkled with his amusement, and he placed a kiss on your temple. “All I’m saying is I would love to have you here permanently. I say it not as a demand, not for something to do right now, but something to let brew in that wonderful mind of yours.”  

“And you say I’m the one always jumping to the next step,” you kissed him sweetly, and he tightened his hold around you as you looked back out the window.  

“It’s a mere suggestion, darlin’. Something for you to ponder when you find yourself bored.”  

All you could do was smirk, this irrevocably charming man always willing to prove his need to have, which you’d deduced was just another name for a more potent form of desire; a thing he seemed to have in bucket-loads for you. You rested your head back against him, revelling in the promise of comfort and belonging that kept you company whenever you found yourself in his arms.  

“Whatever you say, Mr Van der Linde.”  

a/n: hopefully none of you need the reminder but pls don't fuck your best friend's dad, author does not condone it. also I know Dutch would probably be an absolute nightmare on weed given his paranoia, but in this universe that’s not a thing because I don't want it to be :)

[rowretro]

✧𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓✧

WARNINGS: none i know of

✧tag list✧:@chlorinecake @nikisdubblchococake @enhypensccstarlight @strwberrydinosaur @sunghoonsbeautymark @strawbsj  @who-tf-soddhi @addictedtohobi (pls tell me if i'm missing any tags) @lovrqis

✧CHAPTER 18✧

Y/n frowned at Riki “What do you mean street fighting? I get karate or jiu jitsu, but why Street Fighting?!!” the girl asked as Riki sighed “he’s 5, we have enemies lurking, I need him to know how to fight off anyone who goes to attack him!” Riki exclaimed as the girl flicked his forehead “Then let him learn self defense. You have experience in that don’t you?” the girl asked as Riki went silent, thinking for a moment then nodded 

“Yeah I guess that makes more sense- I can start teaching him next week-” he said as he pecked y/n’s lips, baby Yeseol, whined as she smacked his nose. “I- mommy’s girl” he pouted at the baby, while the baby just babbled, resting her head on y/n’s chest. Riki then gets a call “one sec babe… it’s the new dealer we appointed.” He said as he answered the call walking off. The girl sighed, rolling her eyes at him.

After what felt like an hour, Riki was done with his phone call, kicking a football with Kyle “who ever scores the next goal gets a hundred million points!” the little boy explained as Riki grinned “you’re on tiny.” he said, playfully narrowing his eyes at him. Before Riki could even kick the ball into the goal, Kyle tackled him, and kicked the ball into the goal himself “HAHA U LOSED!!!!” he screamed as Riki frowned.

The male walked in smiling as he saw y/n gently rock the baby, smiling as she baby talked to the little girl. “Any plans for her first birthday sweetheart?” Riki asked as The girl continued to rock the baby. “I don’t have much in mind, but I say we invite family and friends, no one more.” Y/n said as she looked up at Riki. “Babe-” “Riki. Don’t turn your daughter’s very first birthday into a drug deal meeting.” y/n warned as the male rolled his eyes “Fine… I’ll move the meeting to tonight.” Riki simply said as y/n stared at him in shock.

“Tonight?! Babe you promised to take me out on a date tonight! Heeseung even agreed to look after our kids! You promised you won’t let anything get in the way, especially business.” y/n said, upset as the man groaned. “Fucksake babe, we have 2 kids, we’re married, we see eachother on a daily basis, heck we share the same bed! What more do you want from me?!!!” he asked almost yelling at her. 

“I just want you to be here Riki… not just physically, mentally. I don’t want this drug empire and all this money getting to your head” She admitted, looking down at the baby who cooed “don’t you want daddy to be here too?” she asked in a baby voice as Riki just stared at them. It’s true. He hasn’t taken her on a date for almost 2 years now, he was barely there while she was pregnant, heck he wasn’t even there when she gave birth. He’s completely left out his duty as a husband but she still stuck by his side making sure he was happy.

“Babe, stop checking your phone, Heeseung is looking after them? He's looked after Kyle before, I’m sure he’ll be able to look after Yeseol '' Riki reassured as he took your hands in his. The man took her to a nice restaurant, the 2 beautifully dressed as they sat at a pretty table, decorated with roses. It was very romantic, she couldn’t deny it. “I’m so glad we’re having a night out” she said with a smile, as he kissed her hand. “Please… you’ve done so much for me sweetheart, I should be spoiling you like this more often” Riki said with a smile.

Not even 15 minutes later, mid-kiss, a bullet interrupted the two. Now half an hour had passed and they were under the table, y/n’s glare being the first thing to hit him instead of a bullet. “Babe, I didn't think they’d find us here… I have a gun on me just stay down ok? I love you” Riki said, kissing her forehead as he left the table, pulling out his guns and shooting all those attackers in one go. “Now… where were we?” Riki asked as the girl sighed, her hair a mess “we were going home.” she simply said, walking out of the restaurant as Riki sighed.

✧𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓✧

[positivelybeastly]

Does beast resent the X-Men?

"What a funny question. What's to resent?"

So, funny thing - I'm pretty sure that Hank has never really wanted to be an X-Man. He's found meaning in it, of course; he's made some good friends; he met one of the loves of his life through the X-Men; he's been able to do a massive amount of good in the world by being the right X-Man in the right place at the right time.

But it's not a life that's really good or healthy for him, and this dates all the way back to the 60s, if you can believe it.

This is from Uncanny X-Men #5, in 1964. We haven't even hit double digits yet!

Five issues in, and he already doesn't really want to be there! And it's kind of not hard to see why - his powers are easy to control, he can pass for a human with ease, his genius intellect means he can have his pick of any research project he wants, he has a family that loves him and accepts him, he had a girlfriend before he joined the X-Men. Honestly, Hank's life was pretty good!

But.

He was made a promise that he'd get to change the world in a way that his normal life wouldn't afford him.

It's just that Professor X didn't really tell him that there'd be days like this.

It's one thing to have to fight a magnetic maniac who's going to throw missiles at you and try to nuke a small country. Fine, whatever, that may well have been in the brochure. But did the Professor ever tell them that they were going to be attacked by the people they were trying to save? Because here's the thing, there are universes where Hank isn't so lucky when things like this happen.

But hey, this is all part and parcel of being a superhero, right?

Uh, well.

No. No, this is specifically an X-Men problem.

It fucking sucks being an X-Man, dude. It fucking sucks. You work hard, you nearly get killed, nobody appreciates you, and yeah, you and your friends know that it's unfair and that you deserve better, but that doesn't magically make it change, does it?

So, does Hank resent the X-Men, in so far as the actual concept? Yeah, a little bit. He recognises there's a need for them, of course, but actually having to be one fucking sucks! He can do just as much good with the Avengers or the Defenders as he can with the X-Men, maybe even more, so why should he be with the X-Men?

Well.

Because they need him.

Because without Hank McCoy, the X-Men would have been absolutely fucked in the following situations (list is not exhaustive):

The Dark Phoenix Saga (he stopped the police from answering the Hellfire Club calls for assistance, and created the psionic scrambler that gave them a fighting chance against her in their second fight).

Finishing the cure for the Legacy Virus (other geneticists might well have been closing in on solving it, like Kavita Rao, but how many more mutants would have died in the time it took for them to match Hank's speed?)

Stopping Unus the Untouchable from joining the Brotherhood of Mutants and fucking rolling the X-Men way, way back in the day.

Creating the Skrull Legacy Virus bioweapon, which may well have been morally repugnant, but who knows how many more casualties the world and the remaining X-Men would have sustained in a protracted conflict with the Skrulls?

Negotiating peace with Hydra Cap to create New Tian; giving the X-Men time to regroup and save mutants from the Terrigen Clouds; and hey, do you know what Hank's actual most underrated achievements are?

Oh yeah, that time he saved humanity! Solo!

And that time he saved the Inhumans!

Like. The X-Men need Hank. They always need him. Hell, you know what I find really fucking funny? Krakoa's very happy to shit all over him, but guess what?

The flowers that create those lovely miracle drugs that gives Krakoa economic bargaining power? Hank's creation.

Not Sinister's.

Not Moira's. Not Xavier's, not Magneto's, not Storm's, not Cyclops'.

Hank.

They need him.

Hell, they can't even kill Hank without Hank!

But at least they treat him right, yeah?

Right?

"Hey, Hank, I know we got you fired from Harvard University because we turned up to your place of work for your help and shit went down, like, instantly, but . . . uhh, not gonna say sorry!"

"Hey, so, I know that we made you move to Attilan to try and come up with a solution to M-Pox, but since you can't deliver, we're just going to thunderbolt you in the back and lock you in a cage, mmkay?"

"Have you just tried not having PTSD, Hank? Can you do that for us? I know you're upset that your claws and fur fell out, but, like, the whining's getting to just be a bit much."

"Hey, so, like, we know you recently lost a finger, got telepathically fucked in the head by Charles' evil twin, and are basically dealing with the mother of all body dysmorphia episodes right now, but have you considered fuck you, we need a poster boy that says it's okay to be a mutant? Because the rest of us are all really pretty supermodels with easily hidden powers and that kinda sends the wrong message, you know?"

There's a moment, that I'm not going to cap, because it comes from Uncanny X-Men #600, during the intervention, where Hank turns around, sees the time displaced X-Men, his fellow teaching staff, his friends (allegedly), and they're all telling him that he's unstable. That he's causing them problems.

Ororo tells him, either you listen to us, or we call SHIELD and have them put you in a box for crimes against nature and science.

And he says, verbatim, "After everything I've done for you - "

The narrative paints him as furious. Obstinate. An asshole.

Except, he's right. He's given them everything he has. And it's not enough for them. He's in obvious pain, he's lashing out, he's emotionally unstable, he's acting irrationally. But they can't even do this right, because this is not how you help Hank. Hank doesn't respond to this, and you'd know that if you fucking cared.

What does Hank respond to?

Care.

Concern.

Love.

Even if you don't read this moment romantically, is it not just fucking startling the difference in Hank's character? All of his 'friends' in a room, he walks out, he leaves, he's furious, because fuck you all, you want to humiliate me like this?

But Simon just. Asks him out for drinks, and he talks, and he talks, and he talks, and he smiles.

Your question was, does Beast resent the X-Men?

I ask you in return - how could he not?

His life would be better if he'd never joined them. And he knows that.

[alaydabug2]

I'm in the car and I'm bored en

SO HERES A LIST OF MY MEDICAL ISSUES IVE HAD THROUGHOUT LIFE 😃

Vaugly related to my fanfic

Tetrology of Fallot (tof): congenital (born with it) heart defect that is basically 4 defects in 1 (I do not have the energy to look up or type all those scientific words rn so sorry)

I've had 3 open heart surgeries to fix it o e at 8 days 10 months and 5 years

Died 6 times on the second one 😃

Ngl life isn't too different with it

If you don't count the yearly doctor visits and can't play contact sports

I mean there's more to it that that obviously but it's mainly small things like getting out of breath quicker and I bruise easy because of having to take baby asprin

BUT the doctors ORIGINALLY said I was never gonna be able to walk or talk or do anything for myself

God vetoed that decision 😌

NOW I NEVER SHUT UP 😁

Got a nifty battle scar down my chest as a souvenir ☺️

And I used to be called smurf baby cause I turned blue alot

I make jokes about it now (hush I'm allowed to )

Ngl pretty sure I'm short cause failure to thrive as a baby cause of that 😭

Don't think there's any scientific backing on that tho for tof patients

Imperferated anus + colostomy bag: basically means I was born without a butthole

Not even joking on that i wasnt

But had to have three gastrointestinal surgeries from that

Don't know the ages or many details but I'm pretty sure I was two for the last one

And I had to have a colostomy bag

Thankfully don't remember it

Buy my waste went into a bag that had to be changed out

Ik it got infected so the scar is bugger than it should be

Seizures: if you've read my fanfic that's explained in detail for how it feels

But that was from aged 5-10

We never found the specific reasons for it

But we do hypothesize it has something tk do with possible scar tissue on my brain

Either from a heart attack/stroke/lack of oxygen from my second heart surgery is what we think it could be from

During a seizure my heart would start beating weird (not good description ik but idk how to describe it really) and my vision would start to tunnel out my tongue would tingle and then I'd black out

During a seizure I couldn't hear anything or see anything but my head would completely start to tingle

From my parents I was told during them I would stiffen up and lock my joints and almost seem to hyperventilate

It was control moderately well by medicine but I thankfully do not have them anymore

Hard hearing: im not like deaf or anything nor do I use hearing aids but my hearing isn't what it should be for a normal teenager lol

This is because during one of my heart surgeries they gave me a drug used on horses and a little too much if it at that (ketamine?)

Legally blind: yeah come to find out last year found out my eye sight is actual crap

Without my glasses I am legally blind

I've got 20/200 vision 😭

So I've got these crazy thick glasses now

Tourretts: neurological disorder where I make these random noises and movents

Got diagnosed back in sixth grade

My tics ate ill make various sounding noises (all kinda of variations of a hiccup for visualization) and my head will jerk back

It was awful before we found out what it was

Got picked on for it quite a bit and a certain teacher of mine essentially told me "just stop bro lol" and I'd get sent out of class for it even after we had doctor notes for it

Just get up out of that wheel chair then then buddy ☺️

They'd get set off my certain things

Music being one of them so I would carry around these earbuds when there was music around so it didn't get set off

I'm on medicine now for it and it's a LOT better

And a recent development (in the past 6 months) I've been able to listen to music again!

The tourretts aren't going away tho

If over been without medicine for more than 2 days it's BAD

Ovarian cyst (possible pcos?) : this has happened over this summer so you already got some rants on that lol

Buy I've got an 8cm cyst on my left ovary

Hurts like a beach 😃

In fact this Friday I was holed up in my room hyped up on narcotics cause of it

Fun stuff 🙂

Surgery is supposed to be on October 5th so we'll see how that goes

Yeah so medical history of mine 😃

That's fine

We'll see what comes next to the collection I can add

Also here's some pics of a couple of my scars (that I can show several are in places I'm not keen of people seeing 😅)

That's my colostomy scar

And near the top you can see a scar from a chest tube from my third heart surgery

And here's a really good picture of my heart surgery scar that I have (goes down to under the ribcage)

On my neck you can see a breathing tube scar

At least I think that's what it is

Also the corner of my lip I have a scar from some sort of tube from surgery (can't see it well on camera

Tbh idk what half these tiny scars are from

I just know they're remnants of surgery

Any way I do know kw I have a couple of other chest tube scars

But they are not in places to be shown

Same with a few dimples near my tail bone from gastrointestinal surgery

But those are there too

[scribeforchrist-blog]

He’s Saving Us All

MEMORY VERSE OF THE WEEK

=========================

+ Psalm 91:14 Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name.

=========================

VERSE OF THE DAY

========================

1 Timothy 1:15 This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all.

‭‭=========================

** SAY THIS BEFORE YOU READ; HERE’S SOME CHRISTIAN TRUTHS **

I AM FREE

I AM SAVED

I AM TRUSTING IN GOD

I AM LOVING

********************************

THOUGHTS:

=======================

We all have been lost before; we all have had that feeling of anxiety and panic come in, and it’s scary, whether we have been driving or maybe going on a hike or maybe in a big store you have never been in, or maybe you been lost spiritually and allowed life to change you, to push you far away from Christ. Christ knew exactly what we needed, which was him. We needed that peace, grace, and mercy; we needed a friend, and most of all, we needed a shepherd; a lot of us have lost our way, and we don’t know how to get back; we feel like we are the worst because we allow society to tell us what God will do and how he loves us , but God sent his son to earth to save us which is the lost.

Matthew 9:13 Then he added, “Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: ‘I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices.’ For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.”

Jesus says this after having a run-in with one of the Pharisees: I desire to show mercy, and I am here for the sinner, not the ones who think they are righteous; we can think we are something or someone and really our heart isn’t in the right place. Jesus wants to save us and wants to show us how to get past whatever satan tries to tell us.

We have to stop trying to put on a happy face when we aren’t happy; we have to stop saying I’m okay and we’re not because Jesus said it right here. I came for the drug addict, the drunken, the prideful, the thief, the Holy Spirit is saying today, let Jesus save your soul if your soul isn’t right.

Matthew 20:28: even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

Jesus didn’t come for people to serve him; he came back to serve and to pay the cost of everyone’s soul. It’s not a single soul Jesus won’t save; he climbed on the cross to release us from our worst pain, but we have to be able to release so he can free us! Jesus loves us so much, and it says it all over the Bible.

Romans 5:8 But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

John 13:34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another

1 John 4:9 In this, the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world so that we might live through him.

In the word of God shows that we are loved and nothing short of that, but we have to accept what he wants for us; we have to accept his love; a lot of us are lost, and we don’t know what we are doing anymore, but Jesus is saying if you come to me, I will take care of you. I will show you the way the truth and life.

Paul says in the other half of this verse, he said I was the worst; he is letting us know if Jesus can save me, if Jesus can bring me back to death to life he can save anyone! He came to free us and set the captives free. Jesus doesn’t have a list of people whom he only loves; he loves us all equally; unlike people, God can love everyone all at one time.

***Today, if you don’t know Jesus as your savior, come to him today. Do you think that Jesus is only for those who know him longer or a special group no? Jesus is for us all; he came to save us all from the road we are on. Are you ready to be saved? Are you ready to be free ?? Even if you have slipped and you haven’t prayed in awhile by or you haven’t been in his presence come back he’s waiting on you , don’t allow shame and others to tell you what God is speaking today ! God is speaking to you , allow him to show you his love today . ©Seer~ Prophetess Lee

========================

PRAYER

========================

Heavenly Father we thank you for everything , we thank you for protecting us and loving us , lord we ask today that you help us come back to you ,give us the strength we need to do it . Help us to-read our word, to pray , to mediate on you . Thank you for saving us , thank you for loving us ! We love you so much and you are , our everything ! You make us complete! Sometimes we follow our own way and we are sorry for that please help us to follow you and only you. Lord we ask you to forgive us of the sins we done, lord thank you for loving us despite our wrong doings thank you for being our guide and our everything. In Jesus Mighty Name Amen

========================

REFERENCES

========================

+ Luke 19:10 For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost

+Romans 10:13 For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved

+ John 3:36 Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.

========================

FURTHER READINGS

=========================

2 Samuel 15:23-16:23

John 18:25-19:22

Psalm 119:113-128

Proverbs 16:10-11

=========================

https://linktr.ee/surrenderministry

[ciaossu-imagines]

For the personal asks, can you answer the following questions:

5. List up to ten (or more, why limit yourself?) words you like and their definitions?

10. Talk about something you are working on?

11. Share something you are proud of?

12. What fandom currently holds your fixation?

15. What kind of weather do you like the best?

16. Talk about something you love?

21. What are you currently reading? Give us a quote if you like?

C

Of course I can! I’m really flattered you sent in something to learn more about me 😊 I hid this under a cut, just for the people who really are just here for the fandom stuff and don’t want to read the rambles of this writer but thank you so much for the ask!

5. List up to ten (or more, why limit yourself?) words you like and their definitions?

Okay, please forgive me but I work around drugs all day and some of them have fantastic fucking names that are just so fun to say. Domperidone is just so much fun to say and it sounds so fancy for a medication that’s normally used to help stomach issues. Moxifloxacin just rolls off the tongue really fun too (it’s an antibiotic, for anyone interested). Just saying the word ‘Christmas’ or ‘Halloween’ makes me smile like an idiot, because I truly love and look forward all year to both holidays now. I used to be a Christmas grump, because I had really bad memories of it, but I have found the spirit. I swear like a sailor, so ‘fuck’ and ‘cunt’ are both oft-used words that I love a lot. They’re multi-faceted. I also like really weird words, ones that aren’t often used or just sound so fun. Twitterpated is so fun, it just means to be very infatuated. I use whippersnapper unironically. I guess I could only find eight, but eight is pretty good, for such a weird but wonderful question!

10. Talk about something you’re working on.

I honestly have just really been working hard on getting replies out, getting caught up on reading I’ve been wanting to do (while letting myself feel less guilty about it by saying it will help the blog), getting stuff straightened out on the blog, and now working on building the queue and emptying the inbox. Outside of that though, I have been having fun, for an hour here or there, working on podficing. I really enjoy it, I get a lot of compliments in my day-to-day on my voice both in person but especially on the telephone, it’s been letting me test out a new microphone and editing software, and I eventually hope to be happy enough with something I’ve recorded to share it, either with just a couple people or the public at large.

11. Share something you are proud of.

Oof. Double oof. Triple, quadruple Oof with a capital for emphasis. I’m really, really bad at saying good things about myself or the things I’ve done in my life. I keep working at it in therapy, but it’s really hard for me and I don’t have a lot of pride in myself. However, I guess the closest I can come is saying I’m really proud of that goddamn college diploma hanging on my wall. For those who don’t know me well, I actually dropped out of high school in grade 12. That diploma is years later than it should have been but it took a lot of courage and hard work to go back, get my GED and get a college degree.

12. What fandom currently holds your hyperfixation?

I think it’s really common with a lot of people, myself included, that the fandom you’re currently reading or watching is the one you hyper-focus on. Because of this, because I’m currently reading Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-kun! and One Piece, those are the fandoms I’m thinking about the most. However, with each new ask I pull up or each new prompt I bring up to write about, I’m able to rediscover the joy and love for the show/manga/game again so I don’t think the hyperfixation on those is too extreme. I can carry a lot of obsessions at once, what can I say?

15. What kind of weather do you like the best?

It really depends on the season. Where Canada has such distinct seasons, I have different types of weather I prefer in each one. In spring, it’s the really warm, clear days with the kind of blue skies that have an ombre effect to them and have big puffy clouds and just the slightest of breezes. In summer, it’s the freak summer thunderstorms with big lightning strikes that last for a couple hours and stop as quickly as they started. In autumn, it’s those perfect ‘sweater weather’ days that beg you to take long walks to look at all the colourful leaves and that smell like woodfires burning and dry leaves crunching. In winter, it’s snowstorms. Snowstorms all the way because they are beautiful to watch and it gives me an excuse to not go out into the cold.

16. Talk about something that you love?

Okay, but guys, despite being so young, because my older sister gave birth as a teen, and her kids are also starting young, I very recently just became a great-aunt. I was sent pictures, because I can’t be there, but holy fuck, that baby is the most adorable thing. They came quite premature, so unfortunately they’re not able to leave the hospital yet, but they’re so tiny and fragile and pink and just…despite not having children, I do think babies are adorable and love that one very much.

21. What are you currently reading? Give us a quote if you would like.

Outside of those two manga mentioned above, I’m rereading the Hold Me Closer, Necromancer novel and it’s sequel. I love both books a ton, wish other people would read and love them too and talk to me about them. They’re young adult, yeah, but they are fun. There’s a lot of quirky humour in them I love, the supernatural angle is well done in my opinion, the world is nicely fleshed out, and the main character is just a dude, but a dude you root for.

A couple of my favourite quotes –

“Most people felt lost after high school. Sometimes I felt like I’d never really been found in the first place.”

“So you’re telling me the zoo commissioned you to make a zombie panda in order to avoid a potential international incident.”

“I wanted to howl until I was nothing but sound.”

[sweetpeablog]

5 January 2023

I saw somewhere that if you’re lonely, maybe you should start a blog. Maybe it would help you process stuff, help you feel less lonely, keep track of events and appreciate them later, etc. I don’t know, but I figured I’d try it, since I already journal. This is like a public version of it. I’m not going to be sharing this to anyone else, I’ll keep it off private, but it’s really just for me. I feel like keeping it off private is almost like I’m being heard in the world. I guess I’m already feeling a bit less lonely. It feels like someone could read this and listen to me.

I’ve been pretty rough this past year. Though just a few days ago, I had a grand opening of a tattoo shop I own : ). It’s different from my last shop though. I didn’t realize how much I didn’t enjoy college until a client came to me in grand opening and asked what I had been doing that last semester. I said that were a lot of bad influences in my life around that time and I don’t really like to think about it. Then I started to talk about the semester before that… but I didn’t really enjoy that semester either. That semester? I had started to see my previous shop as my best friends and social life. I really enjoyed being at my last shop.

I accidentally isolated myself from everything else around me that wasn’t my last shop. I kept feeling like anything that wasn’t tattooing or my friends in the shop, was very draining to me. The only joy I really felt last year was through the shop. The same sort of applied with the year before. I was tattooing, had my ex, but we went through a lot of rough patch. Though even when I was with them, I still isolated myself due to covid and just wanting to be with my partner really.

The only real joy I felt for the past couple of years has been art, tattooing, dating (then all inevitably breaking up after 2 months), and the friends at the last shop. I had never felt so accepted into a friend Group before. I’d had really close friends, though for the first time ever, there was a pretty large group of people who all wanted to hang out with me. I’ve always had a hard time making friends, so it was nice to finally felt like I fit in… yet didn’t at the same time ?

Being in this friend group was very toxic. They did a lot of heavy drugs, had a very offensive sense of humor, and made most people around them feel bad (including myself). Just to give a little taste, this friend group constantly harassed me into saying “fag” (at the time I just said “the f-word”) and al song with that word, constantly harassed me into also saying the n-word. Fag got the best of me, as a gay, though I never understood any reason to say the n-word in any joking matter. Keep in mind, the “friend group” harassing me into this were neither gay or black. One particular man in this group (we’ll call him… Dick. yeah that feels right. He was also my boss of the tattoo shop) also supplied to me a massive amount of drugs everyday. He would constantly tell me that “he couldn’t wait for me to be able to micro dose shrooms while I tattooed” or that Speed (cheap meth) was the best tool to keep you focused for a tattoo and would tell me that I should try it. Along with micro dosing shrooms during the day and tripping balls with shrooms at night, he would often take acid as well. Ecstasy was another one too. I’ve heard of him doing other hard drugs with needles and such, though he never directly talked about those ones. I only knew he had a massive drug addiction in the past on those, but his most recent was the previously listed drugs.

With that all being said, I look back and don’t know why I love him and the group so much. Especially with that all being said. He was just someone I looked up to. Keep in mind I met him when I was 20 and he gave me my first tattoo as a 33 year old. Then when I was tattooing by myself for a year, I always mentioned him (and his other coworker that me me feel comfortable. We’ll call him Cody on this blog). Then I was hired at his shop by him, eventually doing drugs and hanging out with them, let me crash at his house as a roommate (horrible decision), then joining their shop pool team (which I still Love pool so much), etc. I don’t know what happened.

When all the “dating drama” was happening, i remember just telling our other roommate (we’ll call him Gin) I kept saying all month that I just wished things were simple again and that I never wanted any other the things to happened that did. I just loved having friends and being happy there. I was completely content. Though my loneliness got the best of me, accepting this grown ass 36 year old man. Who definitely just manipulated me.

I don’t miss At All being with Dick. I very much miss being in a friend group. It makes me the most sad that I don’t feel like I have anyone that I connect with anymore here in this town. When I think of trying to make new friends, it also sort of exhausts me. I feel very… emotionally tired. I really want to be by myself, but at the same time I want friends who want to hang out with me. I’m not sure what to do about all of this. It feels like everyone is either using me, or that it doesn’t feel the same. or that they find me awkward. Which I never felt awkward before, I’ve just been told that many times. It’s starting to feel like the truth and making me even worse at socializing. Sounds dumb, but maybe I’m going through some sort of depressive episode. Though when I finally do have friends, I feel like I don’t deserve them. Sometimes I think it would just be easier to die. I don’t want to kill myself, just to die.

Anyway lol. What I’ve been doing recently to make myself feel better and treat me is rent movies every other night !! Here’s my list so far : )

* vivarium (1 Dec. 2022)

* don’t worry darling (2 Dec. 2022)

* promising young woman (4 Dec. 2022)

* swallow (11 Dec. 2022)

* the thinning (5 Jan. 2023)

hmm. not as many movies as I thought. oh well. anyway, I’ve just been trying to enjoy this time on my own.

Though because I had all of my social life be my last shop, that was my social hour. That’s when I was able to talk to people and so at the end of the night. I used to never feel sad, just because it felt like me time that I wanted to have on my own. Though now, it makes me really sad because… at the previous shop, everyone was sort of forced to stay there all day and be walk-in warriors. It was all sort of a time that I like to hang… In my shop now, I’m not forcing anyone to stay there full time. Only to be there. a decent amount of hours and to be able to pay rent… That just means that my social time is gone. With that being gone and having no friends in college (only one friend in all of this town it feels like. We’ll call her Rocky). I feel like I have so much time to myself and no one who wants to hang out with me outside of class or work.

It’s been really hard. I won’t lie, I’m having a really hard time getting over my past friend group at the shop. Again, I don’t miss being with Dick. I just miss having a friend group that I felt like loved and accepted me. In hindsight, they did not. Though it did feel nice while it lasted.

[roses-n-fanfics]

Fanfic Requests Open

Hello Tumblr! My name is Rosemi, though you may also call me Rosie or Rose for short. I have created a blog here in hopes of getting back into an old hobby of mine: writing fanfiction. Since I am literally brand new here, I would appreciate at least one request to get things going here. 

This post contains an introductory paragraph on me, rules for requesting me to write a fanfic, and what fandoms I write for. 

⋆⛧*┈┈┈┈﹤୨♡୧﹥ ┈┈┈┈*⛧⋆

Introduction                                                                                                        to me, my blog, and my nerdy ass fanfiction

⋆⛧*┈┈┈┈﹤୨♡୧﹥ ┈┈┈┈*⛧⋆

As I have already mentioned, my name is Rosemi. I am a 23 year old cosmetologist (specifically in the makeup artist department), a proud snake mama, a proud lesbian, and I go by she/her pronouns for those that it matters to. I consider myself to be a very sweet and funny individual, I can go from being my friends’ therapist to laughing my ass off over tik toks and lowkey acting like a crackhead when I’m with my best friend. 

Other than writing fanfiction, I quite enjoy roleplaying! For those who don’t know what I mean, a roleplay is where you and another user(s) go back and forth pretty much writing a story together. I know I know, I’m a nerd XD

Since I am well over the age of 18 I’m going to slap a minors dni on here! Only people 18+ of age should be on my blog, especially since I will be taking nsfw fanfic/head canon requests as well. I am unable to stop kids from getting their hands on anything not meant for their ages, but I have put this warning here, so if a child ends up reading something they shouldn’t at some point, it’s not my fault. 

This blog is going to be oriented around the fanfiction that I write. I will post schedule updates, the fanfics themselves, and likewise anything related. I may open up a side blog in the future just for updates about me and stuff that I’m doing, but I’ll start off small for now lol!

I plan on writing fanfiction for the following fandoms, and welcome people to send in requests for them after reading the request rules: Danganronpa, Demon Slayer, Helluva Boss, Hazbin Hotel, Doki Doki Literature Club, Ouran Highschool Host Club, and Cookie Run Kingdom. 

⋆⛧*┈┈┈┈﹤୨♡୧﹥ ┈┈┈┈*⛧⋆

Requesting Rules                                                                                              you know the rules, and so do I ~

⋆⛧*┈┈┈┈﹤୨♡୧﹥ ┈┈┈┈*⛧⋆

There is a feature on Tumblr that allows people to send in questions or comments to creators, who are able to answer them if they feel like it. I plan on using that feature to let people request fanfiction for me to write! But first, some rules need to be laid out:

1.)You may request a fanfic or head canons! For head canons, give me one or more characters and a situation, and I will write a bullet list of what I think they’d do in that situation. For a fanfic, give me one or more characters, one or more genres, and a small scenario. 

2.)Do not rush me to get your request done! It can take me up to one week to write something up for you, especially if my ask box gets more than 10 requests at a time. I may also fill out requests out of order depending on my muse to write up a scenario. 

3.)The genres that may be included in the fanfic or head canons are romance, fluff, drama, nsfw/smut, or light angst. Obviously themes such as maybe setting it in a futuristic setting or a different AU are fine as well. 

4.)When requesting a fanfic or head canons with nsfw themes, keep in mind that I will NOT do anything overly extreme. P!ss k!nks, fetishes, and things of that nature are a no-go. 

5.)No matter what the situation, I will not write anything with abuse, r@pe, incest, pedoph!lia, large age gaps, or toxic relationships between one character and another, drug/alcohol abuse. Do not request these themes, I will block you :)

6.)As long as it doesn’t break any of my rules, go ahead and request whatever! A fanfic where one character or another are in a relationship, head canons about what a character would do if they were in love with the reader, a fanfic about an alternative plot where this happens instead of this. I am also welcome to writing several parts for certain fanfics and head canons, if you want a series, you’ll get a series!

7.)Related to the rule above, request stuff with any character from any of the fandoms listed towards the beginning of the post! I find it quite easy to write fanfiction or head canons for any character.

8.)This is my last and final rule! I have the right to reject a request if I don’t feel like doing it. Sometimes ideas might abide by all of my rules but feel wrong for me to write, and that’s completely fine. 

⋆⛧*┈┈┈┈﹤୨♡୧﹥ ┈┈┈┈*⛧⋆

Outroduction                                                                                                thanks for reading love <3

⋆⛧*┈┈┈┈﹤୨♡୧﹥ ┈┈┈┈*⛧⋆

With all of that in mind, I’d love to get a few requests! Please don’t be afraid to message me just to chat or to send requests in through my ask box. I may also post a few fanfics or head canons I’ve made up by myself just to get things rolling if I don’t get any requests. Thank you thank you! <3

[bllsbailey]

New Details About What Hunter Biden Spent Money on Instead of Taxes Revealed at Pre-Trial Hearing

During a pre-trial hearing in Hunter Biden’s federal tax evasion case Wednesday, defense attorney Mark Geragos revealed his team’s unsurprising strategy and prosecutors laid out some details of the evidence they plan to introduce during the trial, which is scheduled to begin September 5 in Los Angeles.

Attorneys for both sides argued their motions in limine, which are "motions that seek the exclusion of specific evidence or arguments from being presented during a trial."

RELATED: Filings in Federal Tax Case Claim Hunter Biden Was Paid by Romanian Oligarch to Get Investigation Killed

Judging by the motions filed and the arguments made Wednesday, it seems the defense strategy will be to argue that while in the throes of addiction Hunter had diminished mental capacity, and secondarily that his tax preparers and advisors had some type of enhanced responsibility to ensure that his deductions were all legit and shirked that responsibility.

Assistant US Attorney Leo Wise hit back at that strategy, saying:

“No matter how many drugs you take, you don’t suddenly forget that when you make $11 million you need to pay taxes.”

Geragos argued at length that he should be able to call an addiction expert who’ll supposedly provide testimony that Hunter’s cocaine addiction was caused by traumas such as the 1972 car crash that killed his mother and sister and his brother Beau’s death in 2015, but in the expert witness disclosure he failed to list any of the particular opinions this expert would give or the methodology used or how the expert arrived at that opinion.

The prosecution argued that without knowing these details there was no way they could prepare to cross-examine the witness or call their own rebuttal expert. On that motion Judge Mark Scarsi ruled for the prosecution, excluding that expert.

Scarsi also ruled that witnesses can testify to what they observed about the level of Hunter’s drug use over time, but not opine as to what they think caused it. Witnesses such as Hallie Biden could testify to Hunter's drug use, Wise said, and other family members the defense might call to the stand could also be asked about it. Inexplicably, Geragos then said:

“The difference between the government and the mafia is that the mafia spares women and children."

Geragos attempted to exclude any evidence or testimony about “tabloidy” details of what Hunter Biden spent money on instead of paying taxes, saying:

“What they are asking to do is … we’re gonna sit here, we’re gonna read from his autobiography, we’re gonna talk about his paying for prostitutes, we’re gonna talk about him being on drugs 24 hours a day. That’s what they plan on presenting in their case in chief.”

The legendary defense attorney claims that the prosecution strategy is to “slime” his client by going into detail about the money Hunter spent on prostitutes, drugs, Lamborghinis, pornographic websites, and luxury hotel suites for drug-fueled orgies and claimed as business expenses.

“It’s actually a form of character assassination by the prosecution in order to paint a lopsided, completely untethered from reality, picture of Mr. Biden.”

AUSA Leo Wise retorted:

“[Hunter] describes his life as a bacchanal. Partying in those hotels with a cast of strippers. He chose to pay those strippers. He chose to take it as a business deduction.”

And, Wise argued, it’s necessary for the government to provide details of what the money was spent in order to meet their burden of proof:

“We don’t need to gild the lily here. He goes to pick this woman up at the airport. He rents a Lamborghini. Then he deducts that as a business expense. The jury needs those details in order to determine whether there was a mistake.”

In other words, if the prosecution doesn’t provide full details of what the money was spent on, which would come into evidence through bank or other financial records, or witness testimony, Hunter could argue that the inclusion of that expense as a business expense was a simple mistake.

As one example, Wise mentioned the website StreamRay, which he said their investigation revealed "allowed consenting adults to meet, and it's of a sexual nature,” adding:

'You can spend $30,000 on a porn website if you want. That's not illegal, but you can't claim it's a business expense.”

The government also plans on calling numerous women who were paid by Hunter during the time in question, whether through sites such as Venmo or as “employees.” Wise read from a transcript of grand jury testimony from one potential witness:

“I got a $1,500 Venmo payment.”

“Where'd you meet him?"

"In a strip club." 

"The [payment description] is for artwork. Did you sell him artwork?"

"No."

Wise also revealed that Hunter paid a number of women as employees through his Owasco PC company so that he would have the required number of employees on payroll to qualify for a corporate health insurance plan since Hunter needed health insurance. A few of the women actually signed up for the plan, as well. The problem is, none of the women were actually working for Hunter.

Scarsi provided a stern warning for the defense team should they try to allude to evidence he’s already ruled would not be coming in, as a Hunter’s defense team in the Delaware gun case (a different group) did.

“The Court’s pretty strict about motions in limine; I’ve overturned jury verdicts because of violations of motions in limine,” Scarsi said. And given the high-profile nature of this particular case, the number of witnesses flying in to testify, the extra security expenses of this trial, Scarsi warned that if there are violations of his rulings on motions in limine that lead to a mistrial, “the Court will issue monetary sanctions against attorneys” who are in violation and that those sanctions would likely be in the six-figure range.

In addition, it was learned that entertainment attorney Kevin Morris was paying a number of Hunter Biden's expenses during the time Hunter was not paying taxes, including rent on his Malibu mansion, a Porsche payment, retainers for a crisis communications team, and a security detail.

While jury selection in the trial begins September 5, opening statements are scheduled for Monday, September 9. The attorneys estimated that it would take eight court days to present their evidence.

[workpermitz]

6 Unusual Reasons for A U.S. Visa  Denial

Everyone who is applying for a US Visa or is rooting for a US Visa Interview may have fear of denial because of the different reasons available through which the embassy can deny your US Visa.

Even if you are having all the required documents for your US Immigration Visa, there are chances of a denial which will be fully based on the verification that has been done by the officials. So, when you are going to apply for a US Visa, make sure that there are no reasons left for the officials to deny your visa. 

To make you understand the reasons why your visa can be denied, we are listing some of the main reasons for it. 

Top 6 Unusual Reasons For A U.S. Visa Denial

1. Criminal Records

Those who are having some criminal records in their past will be facing certain difficulties in entering the country. This is because the government is strictly against those tourists and they are always working hard to provide their citizens with good safety. 

Before applying for any US Visa type, make sure that you have no criminal records. Even if you have any criminal records, then contact the embassy because there are some other programs that allow travelers to get visas. Therefore, contact your nearest embassy for it.  

2. Medical Issues

A lot of tourists who are thinking to travel to the US will have to get their self-tests checked if they are having any serious kind of medical problems or not. There are various kinds of medical conditions in which the US does not allow a person to enter the country. Some of the medical conditions are alcohol-related issues, no vaccination, drug addiction, diseases, mental disorder, or something else. 

If you are having this kind of issue, then make sure to get tested for it before as the authority will not allow you to enter the country and you will have to return back. There are some solutions too for this kind of problem, so you will need to contact the embassy about it to check whether they can help you with this or not. 

3. Suspicious Media Content

The authorities who check for travelers always keep an eye on the social media thoughts that they are sharing. They will judge you on the thoughts that you have shared for a large audience and if they find that whatever you have shared is not up to the mark and according to their guidelines, then they will not let you enter the country. 

A lot of travelers are there who have faced this issue. They have shared some inappropriate things on their social media accounts due to which they were not able to get into the country. When you are going to get your Visa and get to the country, then make sure that you have not shared something that is inappropriate to the government of the US. 

4. Fraud

When you are going to travel to the US, then you will have to give a list of the items that you are going to take with you. However, there are a lot of travelers who keep on hiding the items and try to cheat the officials. They simply lie with the item names and try to get those items in the country which is not allowed or mentioned. There are a lot of travelers who have done this and were caught doing fraud due to which they were not able to get to the US because their Visa was denied. 

5. Documents Issue

It is very important for you to bring the original and correct documents required for a US Visa to the embassy, airport, and other places wherever the officials ask for them. There are many travelers who forgot to bring their orig/inal documents or they have made them by doing some edits due to which the documents required for the Visa don’t get fulfilled and the US Visa gets denied. 

It is important for travelers that they should carry their official and original documents when they are going to the embassy or traveling to the US. It is much important for them that they should bring the original documents for verification, otherwise, their visa and entry will be denied by the authority and the embassy. 

6. Violation During Past Immigration

There are a lot of travelers who often make mistakes during past immigration. They often stay more than the permitted time or without any authorization due to which they have to face the issue of Visa denial when they are applying for the new one. So, the visa will be only provided to you, if you have not violated any rule during the past immigration of your trip to the US. 

What To Do If Your US Visa Gets Denied?

Getting your US Visa is not hard if you are consulting the right company. There are a lot of reasons why your US Visa can get denied. So, in this case, you will have to get the right guidance through which you will be able to resolve all the issues and get your Visa processed. 

First of all, you have to know the reason why your Visa has been denied. After knowing it, you will have to take help from the experts who can help you with this. After this, you will work on resolving the problems due to which the visa was denied. We at WorkPermitZ Visa Company have helped a lot of travelers in resolving problems and get their US visas processed. It is not that difficult if you have an expert with you. 

Conclusion

Many checks are done before processing the US Visa. You will have to pass all the checks in order to get it. If you are not able to pass any of the processes, then your Visa will not be issued.  Be in touch with Work Permitz visa consultants to smoothen your US Visa Process

[thalenteot17]

Mental Health-care is the Cinderella of healthcare

Seems we have a glass half full/glass half empty kind of situation here, but we know the famous story of Cinderella and from today’s topic we get that Mental Healthcare is an ignored and overlooked beauty, or you might be optimistic and say it was that hidden beauty that is now coming out to notice, overshadowed by its siblings of other areas of healthcare.

It depends on your perspective on these kinds of things.

As I am sure you know mental health has become closely linked to the physical state, with the former affecting the latter, Governments of most countries have noticed this and have come to realise that mental health does in fact have a big role in their people’s lives, and eventually the state of the economy. This has caused a move towards more appreciation of this area of health, if you go to countries like Sweden, Germany, and France you will see what I am talking about.

In fact, these countries are the top 3 best countries in Mental health, with South Africa being in 18th place, I know, surprising right, we are in the top 20 😊, This classification is based on hours spent on leisure, the greenest countries, average temperature, average rainfall and my favourite factor, Government expenditure. Looking at those factors, I am sure you already get why South Africa is in the mix; our Rainfalls. We have the second most amount of rainfall in a year.

Before you start thinking that mental health is the Cinderella who comes from that lovely family, raised by her parents with love and loved by everyone. I am afraid to say good times never last and possibly never exist regarding mental health. Of these countries mentioned above, France is the leading country in government expenditure, which allocates 15% of its health budget to Mental health care. That is an impressive allocation, and maybe Cinderella in France is wearing her magical beautiful clothes and dancing with Prince Charming, but is this enough, when Depression and anxiety are on the rise when we are just ending Covid, and when people lost their loved ones, isolated from family members and all that anxiety that came with the pandemic and the lockdown.

Bringing it back home, to South Africa, as we know from Mnr. Joe Phaahla’s 2023/24 Health Dept Budget vote on 09 May 2023, only 5% was allocated to Mental Healthcare. Now I may not be able to speak for France, but I can for South Africa. South Africa is well-known for its high levels of violence, poverty, unemployment, inequality, and absent fathers in childhood, Need I continue!

All these are drivers of mental illness. Clearly, Cinderella here is left at home cleaning as a slave, not fed, not cared for whilst the other health care fields are out dancing for the ‘prince’.

Research indicates that the number of people succumbing to mental illness increases every day, and of those, only 27% of them receive treatment, meaning the other 3 quarters do not, and this is for several reasons, including but not limited to:

Shortage of mental health specialists, here again, we see the abandonment of Cinderella as our practitioners shy away from this field.

Stigma behind mental illnesses

Lack of understanding of mental illnesses

Lack of resources

Drug influence

The list is endless, but to continue with my point.

Our community-based care is also incapacitated, which sadly is supposed to be the healthcare’s defence against disorder, and by the time these mental illnesses become mental disorders requiring hospitalisation, we have already failed at the primary care level.

After the 27% are treated and are at discharge, there is no one who wants them back in the community or family, which makes their support structures weak, and more susceptible to a relapse.

As a country, we still have a long way to go in terms of mental health care, and I believe we should reach out to everyone, The Government cannot be a country on their own but requires unity and solidarity till ‘Cinderella’ gets her Happy Ending.

For a list of support services contacts visit: https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.sadag.org%2Fimages%2Fpdf%2FSADAG-newsletter-jul-2018.pdf&psig=AOvVaw23KO2A2xYjMkcQ9V5g_Qmn&ust=1693683669817000&source=images&cd=vfe&opi=89978449&ved=0CBAQjRxqFwoTCJDgp76VioEDFQAAAAAdAAAAABAJ

And today I leave you with this meme from the (Most) Simply Life

stop the stigma of Mental Health, guys. It’s not fair on her!

References:

Cooper, W. (2022, December 13). Countries with the Best Mental Healthcare In The World-Mapped. William Russell. https://www.william-russell.com/blog/countries-best-mental-healthcare/

Department of Health. (2023). South African Government. https://www.gov.za/speeches/minister-joe-phaahla-health-dept-budget-vote-202324-11-may-2023-0000#:~:text=The%202023%2F24%20budget%20allocation,1%20billion%20in%202023%2F24.

Mashatile, P. (2023). SA depressingly low on mental health.  Mail and Guardian. https://mg.co.za/news/2023-04-30-sa-depressingly-low-on-mental-health/

University Counselling Centre [@UofOCounseling]. (2021, November 18). Mental Health Stigma Can Sound Like. Twitter. https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftwitter.com%2FUofUCounseling%2Fstatus%2F1461348969506750465&psig=AOvVaw1UmloAoK-RJldG6CHqTGZl&ust=1693686194621000&source=images&cd=vfe&opi=89978449&ved=0CBIQjhxqFwoTCMDP4fGeioEDFQAAAAAdAAAAABAE

[wahlpaper]

The Floating Feldmans Review

The Floating Feldmans by Elyssa Friedland

CW: Cancer, Off-Page Death, Family Stress, Toxic Relationships, Vomit, Tourism and Cruise Culture, References to Harry Potter, Drinking, Underage Drinking, Drugs, Fire, Injury, Violence, Internalized Fatphobia, Money Problems, Self Esteem Issues

4.5/5

I'll be honest, I only added The Floating Feldmans by Elyssa Friedland to my TBR because it's Jewish and had a fun cover. I only decided to read it because I asked my friend to pick a book at random from my list while I was on hold for Radio Silence by Alice Oseman. This book is a casual read. It's not there to change your life or hook you into a series. There are either 9 or no main characters depending on how you look at it, and it feels a little light for some of the serious matters addressed. It's not my kind of genre, but if I was going to read a casual story, I'm glad it was this one. It's progressive, it's Jewish, and it's a little queer too!

The Floating Feldmans centers around a cruise being taken for Annette Feldman's 70th birthday. Her family is practically estranged and highly dysfunctional, but her husband has cancer and she's not sure how much time they have left to bring the family back together. Everyone has at least one secret and a whole lot of feelings about other members of the family. Will the Feldman descendants and the charming cruise director be able to make this a good vacation for Annette? Should they?

This book is structured in a mostly-linear fashion. The prologue contains a scene most of the way through the story, but it then pops back in time to the start. From there it goes forward as best it can. There are vivid flashbacks throughout, telling stories from anytime in the lives of the characters. As this story is told from 9 different points of view, sometimes the chapters overlap in time. I like a unique story structure that I can still follow and that's absolutely what Friedland has created here. I normally don't do well with a lot of POV characters, but the structure kept me engaged with the characters and helped me to keep track of the plot.

The Jewish representation in The Floating Feldmans is gentle but not barren. It isn't important to the plot, but it's woven into the personality of the book. Yiddish is used, characters have Jewish names, gefilte fish is mentioned a few times, and Jewish holidays/celebrations are brought up. While I don't think anyone was mentioned as keeping kosher, it did initially matter to Annette that her daughter married a Christian man. I would say that this book was written for a Jewish reader, even if it can be enjoyed by those of other religions. It assumes you'll get the cultural references.

When I put The Floating Feldmans on my TBR, I had no idea that there was queer content within! So this is me telling you about it! One of the 9 main characters is the cruise director, Julian. He's worked on the ship for over a decade and loves his job, but he's skittish when it comes to his personal life. His boyfriend wants to get married, but Julian isn't sure that's for him. I wasn't fully rooting for their relationship because of this, but I knew I liked Julian from the start. His character arc was one of my favorites in the novel.

I mentioned previously that The Floating Feldmans isn't a life changing story, but that it is progressive and addresses some serious matters. It's a character driven book that centers around the vacation more than a specific plot. Included and handled well were a shopping addiction, poor communication between husband and wife, cancer, self image issues, college application stress, a problematic secret relationship, and more. You'll find that nothing is idealized, it's all told with realism.

The Floating Feldmans by Elyssa Friedland isn't the right genre for everyone, but if you're looking for a cool-down book or prefer casual reads in general, I highly recommend it. You'll be treated to silly adventures, lots of family drama, and a book that can make you laugh. Are you ready to set sail?