#and that's only the beginning kaljfdsafksaj

[not-poignant]

It's that time of year again! Hammered out a modest (for me) word count of 472k over the year, with December's reflecting my overall burnout. Finished Falling Falling Stars, started another story to get addicted to (Underline the Black and friends), and overall it's been a great year for emotionally authentic writing! (My yearly wordcount does not include: worldbuilding, outlining, planning, multiple drafts (only the first draft of a chapter is included), or half-chapters since I *only* count completed chapters. It's a bit unconventional, but having a monthly wordcount where I only count completed chapters has been working for me for years now!)

This has been the first year in a little while that I haven't hit 500k, which I think reflects both a desire to spend more time relaxing and resting between writing, but also being absolutely smashed with a lot of new medical diagnoses and appointments, and being often too burnt out to write at all.

Next year doesn't look much better on the medical front, and may indeed be a lot worse. Being diagnosed with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD), T2 Diabetes (50% of the people with my permacancer get T2 diabetes which only goes into remission upon removal of the tumours, but my tumours are inoperable, so my T2D can't go into remission) and possibly Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension (PAH) on top of all my other disorders each came as huge blows. One of the saddest being learning I may never be able to take ADHD meds again, and having to stop after a very amazing 3 months where I could schedule writing ahead for the first time in my life, and plan a holiday for December.

There will be no more Schedules going forward, that was sadly a 'medicated ADHD' blessing, and it's gone now. :(

So going forward into 2023 I don't know what writing I will be doing or what I will achieve. I don't know if I can continue writing the way I have been, and if I get an official confirmation on the PAH (so far it's only CT confirmed), and only have around 5~ years left to live, my writing future could look very different indeed.

But it's business as usual in the meantime.

This year I am the most broke I have ever been on the medical front (I have no health insurance, and only some of our healthcare is free, which doesn't include psychiatry, or the calibre of therapy I need, and now that I need to see a private pulmonologist and possibly engage in lung rehabilitation, things might get pretty awful pretty fast). I have never been more grateful to all the folks who have supported or who are still supporting on Patreon or who have given to Ko-Fi.

I love everyone who is in this little community, but for the ones who kept me financially afloat so I didn't drown, thank you.