#and that's. a very real conflict right? not everybody. who you aren't sure will be ok with you coming out

[chronicbeans]

OMGosh OMGosh OMGosh!!!!!!! That was so good! I didn’t expect that ending at all! But now I have so many more questions?!?!!!!

What is a day like in Welcome Home now? How does reader get through it? Do they legit worship her like a deity with offerings, bowing, etc.?

How is life outside of the TV? What happened to Henry and Angela? What happens to the Welcome Home puppeteers and other cast?!

Do they try to save the reader, or is all hope almost immediately lost?

Does Wally try to start a romantic relationship with the reader, or is it all platonic idol worship within the bounds of a romantic relationship?

Is Y/N technically a prop now? Is the Welcome Home cast still puppeted or do they have physical free-will now?

(Sorry for so many questions, but I’m dying to know!!!! AAAA I WANT MORE OF THIS FICCCCC!!!! 🥹😩😭🤯💕💕💕💕👌👍👏)

No worries! It is alright! I like writing about this dynamic. If I didn't, I wouldn't have offered to write more for it. So, having a lot of questions is perfectly welcome!

Life in Welcome Home for a Puppeteer Reader:

📽️ So, you're in Welcome Home now. What is going on in this lovely little place? Well, Wally is constantly going to be by your side, that's for sure. The neighbors will also be around whenever they can be.

📽️ The way the neighbors "worship" you is a bit odd compared to how you thought they would. Wally, of course, has deemed himself "The Chosen One" or some other odd name of the day (he can't decide. He just knows he's special, though), because he was the only one who was able to go to your world. Well, that was until he found a way to take others with him... But he did that himself. It wasn't natural. So, they all listen to both you and Wally.

📽️ Wally says they should just go about their days and always be kind to you. The only real offerings they give you is food, because they can't eat, but you need to. Before you arrived, food was more like an art piece to be put of a shelf until it went bad. Now, though, the neighbors will flock to Poppy's or Howdy's to get food, just for you! They want to be in your good graces.

📽️ Their kindness also borders on creepy. They all just go wide-eyed, their pupils expanding a bit like Wally's, as they give you praise for whatever you do in their presence. Sometimes, you swear that you could kill one of them and the others would just say something like "Yay! Yippee! You did good! They deserved it! How smart you are for noticing that! It was so obvious! How didn't we notice? Oh! It's because we aren't as amazing as you!"

📽️ Wally is probably very conflicted with himself. His plan, ever since the others had started to think about the possibility of you existing, was to take you here and to be your most devoted follower. He's got that, so why doesn't he feel fulfilled? Why does he also dislike how his neighbors get so close to you when you go outside? He will probably have to talk to Home about it. Home has always been there for him, even when the others were avoiding him due to their lack of faith in your existence. Home will help! If or when he realizes that he might not love you as just his puppeteer, but also in a romantic way, he'll think that it is the sweetest thing ever! His praise will definitely take a slightly more romantic turn, but the main problem is that his way of worshipping once you were brought to the neighborhood was already a bit more romantic. So, you probably won't notice it unless he tells you straight up how he feels.

📽️ Speaking of Home, you live with Wally, now. It just makes sense in everybody's eyes! Wally brought you here and is your most devoted follower. There is also the fact that, if anybody tried to hurt you, Home can keep them out (and keep you locked in)! You just stay inside all day, whenever it isn't "showtime". Wally is always by your side, though, keeping you company! Hugs and cuddles will make you feel better, right? He's noticed how upset you have been and is sure that he is the only one that can help! He'll show you the room he has dedicated entirely to you, which is filled wall to wall to floor to ceiling with drawings, paintings, and poems all about you! He is confused about why you seem so scared by this room.

📽️ You don't necessarily have to puppeteer everyone. You aren't really able to, either. In the neighborhood, the places where you would put your hands and puppeteer them don't exist. They are kind of like humans, just made of felt and filled with fluff. Everyone does have free will. They just act like they don't and don't believe they do. They do whatever you tell them without question. Sometimes, though, Wally likes to sit on your lap and pretend that you are puppeteering him in the "old-fashioned" way, as he says. He just has you place your hand on his back or neck and grab one of his arms to move around. Sometimes the others watch and are amazed, as if you are actually controlling him. If I had to explain how it would look like for anyone watching, just imagine the human cast in Sesame Street. You are a human in a world of puppets.

🎥 The world outside of the show is chaotic, to say the least (at least for the people that knew you). Henry probably watches the show everyday just to see you. He quickly learned that, although he can hear and see you, you can only see him. So he's been having Angela write down what he wants to say, then he presses is against the screen to talk to you. Angela, although she hasn't gotten over her fear of puppets, has been watching Welcome Home, too. She needs to see you. She really misses you. They would help, but they don't know how.

🎥 Back at the studio, they all quickly realized something was horribly wrong. They have a television in the break room that they use to make sure there isn't any broadcasting errors. The first person that saw you on the screen and realized you weren't around the studio immediately went and got as many people as they could. This included Wally's voice actor and the boss.

🎥 Your boss' decision was very simple. SHUT IT ALL DOWN AND CANCEL EVERYTHING. Everyone, especially Wally's voice actor, was heavily against it. What would happen to you? You would just be... stuck there! They had no say, though, and the show was promptly shut down. A few more reruns were aired. During one of them, Wally's voice actor had showed up on the other side of the screen, and let you know that the show was cancelled.

🎥 The world of Welcome Home is odd after the last rerun. Everything seems darker and everyone seems a bit paranoid. Wally especially is afraid. Before, they all had two purposes: keep you happy and make a good show for your world. Now that one purpose is gone, they have decided to double-down on keeping you happy. It is so hard, though, now that you can't see your world again. Most of the time, everyone is just crowded inside of Home, sitting around you and trying to cheer you up. The scariest part of these moments is how the world is so dark, you need candles to see. So, everyone is lit up with an eerie, flickering glow.

[hideandgopeep]

Do you think porn culture is toxic

Hey Anon! I have a nuanced take on this, but I'm keeping my answer condensed and generalized (don't let the wall of text fool you). Note: I'm not an expert. This is just the opinion of someone who doesn't watch it (0 enjoyment and prefer to read and write my porn, thank you) but loves when everyone's having fun (づ￣ 3￣)づ Also, bear with me--my brain is mush because life.

Porn itself isn't toxic, unless we're wanting to delve into the predatory/coercive/etc. side of how some of it is made. In that case, it's vile. We can get into a whole other tangent about this, but I'll leave it at that.

Honestly, what's pretty messed up is the way our society (speaking only for the US here) views sexuality. It's...still very Puritan. We aren't educated nearly enough, if at all, about actual, honest to glob SEX. So, a lot of us learn from a bunch of different manufactured resources without getting the chance to learn what's realistic.

I've seen it described like this: we can watch an action movie and understand it's not real. Most of us won't be driving like Jason Bourne after seeing The Bourne Identity, right? Because someone educated us on what's reality, what's fantasy. Then you're watching porn without any prior knowledge or limited knowledge: humans going at it, ooh taboo, sinful, sex=love, everyone looks like they're enjoying themselves, so this is it. Cue potentially unsafe and harmful sexual encounters, unrealistic expectations, extreme pressure to fulfill a role. And, idk about anyone else reading this, but this can be fucking traumatizing.

Here's where the education comes in: we gotta be comfortable discussing sex as though we're sharing a recipe or giving directions, so no one gets hurt (unless it's consensual), and everybody goes home satisfied. Because holy fuckin' shit: honest, open, direct communication is one of the sexiest things to ever exist.

I won't get into the studies about porn's effect on us--the results are conflicting. Is it addictive? For some people, sure. Anything can be.

A final thought: I could also add to source your organic, free-range porn and support the creators if you're concerned about that first point.

Dropping a linky from NPR "What We (Don't) Talk About When We Talk About Porn"

If anyone has anything to add, please feel welcome to!

[thedreadvampy]

Ok your mission, should you choose to accept it, watch A League Of Their Own and reassemble at 0800 hours to join me in a collective cry about meaningful representation for the history of lesbian community and friendship. god it's so GOOD is everything I WANT from queer storytelling also I recognise that Clance is straight but she is my wife I love her too much 🥰

[misstrashchan]

The Man With Two Souls, Pt. 2

Okay, so this ended up being a fucking long part 2 to my previous meta post. There was a lot I wanted to get down, and if it doesn't make sense or you don't agree with it, that's fine, I'd just be happy if you read it. Now I can rest until the finale comes and beats me up.

So, there's a few more Salem and Adam parallels to start off with like

(8) Having the same reaction to hearing someone mention Blake and Oz and the possibility of them getting the upper hand against them

(9) Chronologically after this happens (we see Adam destroy the throne room in Volume 6 episode 2, but we see him lose his mask at the end of the Adam trailer) deciding to go after Blake on his own while Salem creates the winged Beringel grimm and plans to go to Atlas herself, presumably to go after Oscar/Ozpin so he doesn't get in the way of her plans (as well as Ruby since she clearly needs her as well)

"If you want something done right, you do it yourself" - Volume 6 Chapter 13

(10) Adam and Salem telling Blake and Oz about how they're going to destroy them and those around them

"The ability to derive strength from hope is undoubtedly mankind's greatest attribute. Which is why I will focus all of my effort to snuff it out. How does it feel? Knowing that all your time and effort has been for nothing. That your guardians have failed you. That everything you've built will be torn down before your very eyes."

"So you send your guardians, your huntsman and huntresses. And when they fail and you turn to your smaller soul, know that you send her to the same pitiful demise. This is the beginning of the end, Ozpin. And I can't wait to watch you burn." - Salem, Volume 3 Chapter 12

"What you want is impossible! But I understand. Because all I want is you, Blake. And as I set out and deliver the justice mankind so greatly deserves, I will make it my mission to destroy everything you love. Starting with her." - Adam, Volume 3 Chapter 11

(11) Salem and Adam's perception of Oz and Blake affecting their perspective of themselves... and the audience.

Okay, this one's honestly kind of weird. For so, so long there were a lot of people who bought into the idea that Ozpin was secretly evil or somehow worse than Salem, or that he'd done something terrible and unforgivable to Salem. I fully admit, I was one of those people. I mean, I didn't think he was evil, but the way Salem talked to him at the end of volume 3, listening to the song Divide, I thought, he must have done something bad to Salem, right? How could she hate him so much otherwise?

And the worst thing he did... was leave her. When he couldn't go along with being a genocidal dictator of the whole world alongside Salem, and didn't want their children to be a part of that either.

And as for Adam, he tells Blake that she hurt him more than anybody because she left him.

"All sorts of people hurt me in all sorts of different ways. But no one hurt me quite like you, Blake. You didn't leave scars. You just left me alone." - Adam, Volume 6 Chapter 12

And Salem would also have been hurt from Ozma trying to leave her. Especially when you think about her backstory, how she was kept isolated in a tower, and instead of finding freedom in the outside world, found it in Ozma. And then he died, and she was alone again. And then the Gods destroyed humanity, and Salem is left alone one again for god knows how long.

"Once again, Salem was alone." - Volume 6 Chapter 3

And weirdly, similar to Ozpin there were people who bought into Adam's false perception of Blake too. That Blake is somehow the one who hurt Adam more than he hurt her (which is, completely insane).

And Salem and Adam want Oz and Blake to feel that way. To be paralyzed with self hatred and doubt, to be stuck in the past, and feel as if everything is their fault. That Salem and Adam are their responsibility, at first to save them, and then to stop them.

You see it with Adam's gaslighting, trying to paint her as an unfaithful coward. And I mean, just listen to the song Divide. The whole song is Salem trying to make out Ozpin to be the villain, that she's killing people but the real murderer is him for trying to give people hope, even if it was hope based on a desperate lie.

"It was you who ended their lives! Made them to dig their own graves! With your dark, sick, cruel design, convinced them their world could be saved." - Divide

And there were a lot of people convinced by Salem's song Divide that Ozpin was far worse than he really was, to the point it was surprising that he hadn't wronged Salem in some way like most people were expecting.

And Adam tries to make Blake believe that she's a coward, that she's selfish and weak, that running away from her problems is all she knows how to do.

And for a long while, Blake believed he was right. That she was toxic to the people around her, that she made things worse for them. And there were some people in the fandom who thought that she really was this toxic person.

It's actually kind of scary, but Salem and Adam managed to manipulate not only Blake and Oz's perception of themselves, but also the audience as well in how they saw them.

I don't doubt for a moment this is going to extend to Oscar as well if she meets him, that she'll likely try to convince him that he's just Ozpin and that he, Oscar, doesn't matter, and he'll fail and make the same mistakes as their past lives. Which undoubtedly parts of the fandom are going to take Salem's false perception of Oscar to heart as well and believe her.

Which brings me to move on from Blake's parallels with her first "soul" and Ozpin, to her second "soul" and Oscar.

Now Blake alluding to the Man with Two Souls is metaphorical, while in Oscar's case it's very literal, and it's no coincidence she's the one who first introduces us to the concept to us with the book she's reading during the Shining Beacon.

"...It's about a man with two souls. Each fighting for control over his body"

(It's important to note that the conflict between the two souls is not one of Good vs Evil)

Blake's conflict of her two metaphorical souls fighting for control, is the false perception Adam had of Blake and who she used to be with him, her past that she can't escape, and the struggle for her smaller, more honest soul, trying to define herself and decide who she wants to be. And for Oscar, he's struggling to define himself and decide who he wants to be, because of the merge with Ozpin, and that his past will become Oscar's too.

Both of them want to do the right thing and rise to their challenges, but it seems like such an impossible task to them that they're afraid to meet it.

"I'm... scared. I'm more scared than I've ever been. Than I ever thought was possible. I always knew I wanted to be more than a farmhand. But this? Who would ask for this?" - Oscar, Volume 5 Chapter 5

"I joined the Academy because I knew that Huntsman and Huntresses were regarded as the most noble warriors in the world. Always fighting for good. But I never really thought past that. When I leave the Academy what will I... How can I undo so many years of hate?" - Blake, Volume 2, Chapter 10

But the person who sees Blake's "other soul" the person she's truly capable of being, who she really is, even when she can't herself, is Yang.

"I'm sure you'll figure something out. You're not one to back down from a challenge Blake." - Yang, Volume 2 Chapter 10

And the one who sees Oscar and who he's capable of being even when he can't himself, is Ruby.

"Hey Oscar? I know this isn't going to be easy. But the fact that you're trying says a lot about you. You're braver than you think." - Ruby, Volume 5 Chapter 5

Blake and Oscar are also the first people we see Yang and Ruby open up to about their past trauma. The difference between the two being that in the Burning the Candle scene Yang is more willing to be vulnerable around Blake, to let her guard down and open up to her about her abandonment issues and how they've affected her.

Because as a more emotionally mature character she understands she needs to do that in order to properly relate to Blake so she can offer her support. She gets frustrated however when Blake still refuses her support, and so she has to give her a push to accept it.

Ruby, however, isn't as emotionally mature as Yang, and doesn't find it easy to let down her guard and talk about her emotions. Her mentality being described as "I don't have time for my emotions, I've got to make sure everybody else is okay" - RWBY Rewind: Ruby Rose Rewinds With Us

She feels like she constantly needs to be a pillar of strength and support for everyone around her as a leader. She has a hard time opening up about her own feelings and being vulnerable around others. For her, it seems much more natural to internalize those feelings rather than face them head on. As a leader, she feels she isn't supposed to show fear or doubt. If she admits how she's hurting or how scared she is, she'd be afraid of those around her losing faith.

Ironically, it's Ozpin's words of advice to her that enforce this mentality

"But if you aren't constantly performing at your best, what reason do you give others to follow you?"

So even though only a minute ago Oscar saw that Ruby was clearly upset over something (being reminded of Penny's death)

Ruby then goes on to act like nothing's wrong when she then attempts to reassure Oscar. And it feels like a performance, and though Ruby genuinely does want to reassure him, it comes across as insincere to him. He's frustrated because Ruby isn't being honest about how she's feeling, and is only concerned with his feelings.

So in the Dojo scene we have Oscar start to push Ruby past that flawed mentality that Ozpin enforced, to be more honest about how she's feeling, to talk about how the Fall of Beacon and the loss of Phyrra and Penny affected her, how she's afraid of Salem killing people she cares about, and that she'd kill anyone regardless.

And with both Ruby and Yang opening up about their past experiences they can relate to Blake and Oscar's own fears, doubts and insecurities. Blake's need for answers and Oscar's fear of the fight with Salem, and Yang's need for answers and Ruby's fear of the fight with Salem.

"I told you! I'm not telling you to stop! I haven't. To this day I still want to know what happened to my mother and why she left me. But I will never let that search control me. We're going to find the answers we're looking for Blake. But if we destroy ourselves in the process what good are we?" - Yang, Volume 2 Chapter 6

"I am scared! But not just for me. What happened at Beacon shows that Salem doesn't care if you're standing against her or not. She'll kill anybody. And that, scares me most of all. Phyrra... Penny... I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt. That I didn't think about them every day since I lost them. That I didn't wish I had spent more time with them. If it had been me instead, I know they would have kept fighting too. No matter how dangerous it was. So that's what I choose to do. To keep moving forward." - Ruby, Volume 5 Chapter 5

And by demonstrating their own resolve, as well as their belief in the kind of people Blake and Oscar are capable of being that inspires them to be that person.

"I'm. Not. Running."

"You. Will." - Blake and Adam, Volume 3 Chapter 11

"She made a choice. To put others before herself. And so do I."

"Then you've chosen death." - Oscar and Hazel, Volume 5 Chapter 12

There's also Blake expressing her doubt in Yang during volume 3 after she attacked Mecury, causing Yang to question her own judgement.

She compares it to how Adam used to attack people, and of course she knows Yang wouldn't do something like that without good reason, but she can't but feel like the situation is very familiar. And Blake knows Yang isn't Adam, and makes it clear that she's decided to trust Yang.

"I want to trust you. I will trust you." - Volume 3 Chapter 8

But despite that, Blake's words do still weigh on her mind even when she's alone, where Qrow comes to talk to her about what happened and reassure her, and then they end up talking about her mum.

And then with Ruby in volume 7, Oscar expresses his doubt in Ruby in her decision to lie and hide the truth from Ironwood, comparing it to how Ozpin did the same to them, which, similar to Yang, causes Ruby to question her own judgement. And obviously he knows Ruby isn't Ozpin, that she probably had a good reason for lying. But again, the situation just feels so familiar.

But ultimately he decides to put his trust in Ruby, even before Ironwood.

"I do believe in you. But not only you." - Volume 7 Chapter 7

And by episode 9 they're both on the same page in deciding to choose the truth over fear. (if only James could have stayed on that page too)

Similarly to Yang, we see Ruby alone in episode 4 of volume 7, and you can tell Oscar's words are still weighing on her mind, as Qrow comes over to talk to her and she asks him if she is like Ozpin, and he reassures her that she's not, and then they end up talking about her mother.

Okay, so I'm going to go out on a limb here, and you can call me out on my bullshit if you like, but I'm making a prediction (like, 12 hours from the finale, but hey, it might happen later in the series for all I know)

If we're going full in on the parallels here, remember how Yang lost an arm trying to protect Blake from Adam, and afterwards Blake ends up leaving Yang like Raven, believing she'd be better off without her?

And how Salem is on her way to Atlas after hearing Ozpin had reincarnated, the foreshadowing for Ruby losing an eye and them bringing up her trauma around Summer in Chapter 11?

On top of her wanting Ruby alive?

I'm gonna guess Ruby loses an eye trying to protect Oscar, and then afterwards either Oscar or Ruby tries to sacrifice and give themselves up to Salem, except it ends up being a hollow sacrifice like Summer's

"I didn't have a choice I did what I had to do I made a sacrifice but forced a bigger sacrifice on you!" - Red like Roses Part 2

Because Salem would end up taking both of them either way. I actually can't imagine a scenario where she doesn't, because she needs both of them. But one of them has a worse fate, a "bigger sacrifice" in store for them when they reach Evernight (which I'm still thinking is Ruby)

[aslaton8-blog]

What does "Home" mean?

What does "home" mean when you don't have a family? I mean I have a family, a very large one fact. None of us get along though. My family is wrought with mental illness. Mostly things such as narcissistic personality disorder, hypochondria, sociopathy, borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, and above all just flat selfishness. I really can't handle them. They make my issues so much worse. Actually they are the cause of my issues.

My society has been the least of my problems. I made the best decision when I decided to get away from my family and never talk to them again. I was sick of being gaslighted and ghosted being treated as if I wasn't doing anything when I was the only one doing anything meanwhile homeless and struggling by myself. Fuck those people they aren't a family.

So I struggle to understand what family means. I've been invited to be a part of a witch coven. It's actually really cool. I don't hate the idea. I'm just so disconnected from the idea of having a family. I can't even make a friend family of my own. I'm married to my friend family. To the twins Ryan and Daniel Krone. I love them with all of my heart. I don't love anybody else this way outside of the celebrities that have been with me since my childhood. Those are distant feelings though and I'm just a stranger to them anyway.

I feel like I got tossed into this witch coven immediately. I didn't really get a say so in whether I wanted to be a part of it or not. I didn't really have a full understanding of witch covens before they tossed me in there. We had one meeting already and it just felt like a meeting of complete strangers. Is this what it feels like to be a celebrity? Being in a room full of strangers and still feeling completely disconnected from people and community? I'm so glad I never tried that path. I don't like much attention anyway. I mean I like attention to an extent just like everyone else would want to feel a part of life. But I don't need all that. That was too much.

I don't think I'll feel at home with these people unless they stay in my life. I still don't feel at home with these people and I've been hanging out with them for a couple of years. it just feels like another adventure that's going to disappear in time. I like these people don't get me wrong, it's just not a hundred percent there for me. First of all the entire coven is completely white minus maybe one lady who is close enough to being white that she could pass as white. All that does is remind me of our societal problems and all I want to do is keep fighting them. Second of all I'm not religious and I believe in every religion not just one. It's hard for me to feel honest with being in a coven when I don't hundred percent believe in everything their doing.

It seems like all I want to do is fight anymore. I don't want to get along with society. Why is that? Maybe I'm just that full of pain. I feel like I'm walking through the next door of the chapter of my healing. But it feels like a door that I opened and don't know where to go. It's like a room full of mazes. Maybe I shouldn't have opened the door just yet but what do I now? I haven't had much guidance in this life I only have me to guide myself.

People say take the direction that's right in front of you but what if you're not a hundred percent feeling it? What if that road just leaves to falling off a cliff and breaking every bone in my body? I can't take a different path though or I'll be steering away from my husband and his brother who I don't want to be away from at all.

I've been feeling my soul pushing me to form a life outside of Ryan. And that scares me so much because I don't want to think about a life outside of Ryan. I don't want to lose him like Terry lost Steve Irwin. I'm not ready to detach from him yet like that, I mean I haven't even given birth to my child yet. Why are you always pushing me to do stuff I'm not ready for yet world? I vibe with conservatives here. Stop moving and changing so fast let us enjoy what we have right now.

I cried my eyes out last night. I haven't cried in a while so I probably needed it but then that's a paradox in itself because why do we need to cry? I suppose in this case to release a lot of the pressure I have been feeling inside lately. I've got to get started with my photography career because I'm going to quit my part-time job in February and need to make income. I always wanted to start my photography career but I was always so hesitant because I didn't want to turn my hobby into a capitalist dream. I don't believe in capitalism and I don't believe it works. It's like a tool that worked at one time and is now broken and we need to try something else.

If I ever have employees I'll make sure they get half of the income and not this 80/20 bullshit. If they aren't putting forth the effort into the work then obviously I will look for somebody else. Naturally that's all we can do. But for now I prefer to just team up with other photographers that are seasoned and have their own established business that we partner up on. I really love this field and I don't want to steer away from it in any way.

I'm having other fears. Like I said I've been pushed into this witch coven thing. Which to be fair they haven't really pushed me on anything else, she just kind of stuck me in there and I'm welcome to back out if I want to but I feel like I didn't learn enough about it to make a real decision on it and I'm just becoming a part of it automatically because I never made a decision. You people move too fast!!! Now my brother-in-law is dating one of them. *Sigh*

I mean I like her I just have a lot of conflicts in my heart. She favors the character that I was creating for Daniel's character in my story which is really weird because she's like a silhouette of what I already imagined. Maybe this is his dream lover maybe this is where he's supposed to be. But something about it has me really uneasy. I feel like it's all moving too fast. Maybe that's just my fear speaking, maybe it's not moving too fast and maybe that's just how I'm seeing it because I fear people. I also love Daniel very much and don't want to see him get his heart broken again. I feel like we just met these people.

She and I did not get off to a good start either. I was connecting with this lady that I really really liked name Tonya and I was having a bad day and wanted to go see her. This woman was there and Tonya said she would be leaving soon so I wouldn't have to meet new company since I was not in the mood to meet any new company. I feel like I had just met Tonya and didn't get to really get to know her yet before I'm being forced to me all these other people...so I was rude to this woman. I treated her exactly like I felt. I did not want to meet anyone new. We talked about it later and we smoothed over our bad first meeting. We got to talkin and she seems fine and I like her I just did not expect her to start dating my brother-in-law this fast. I understand he's starving for a partner because he loves romance and he deserves a good partner and that will tend to make a dog eat its food too fast and throw it back up. This is my family, my home. I love whoever he loves. But I'm jaded because the last girl he was in love with was a complete psychopath. It wasn't really love again it was starvation for love. Thankfully this woman does not seem like a psychopath. She's a very sensitive empath with a lot of love in her heart. Despite that I still feel so many fears. We got in another fight again when I was just trying to be direct, be myself. I found out how sensitive she really is.

That scares me too because I don't need anybody in my life who cannot handle me and if she's dating my brother-in-law and something comes of it she could one day become my sister-in-law. That's a big deal for me. I've never connected really well with women. I've been connecting with Tonya and I was happy with our slow pace. She's a really cool woman and I like her. So the idea of getting closer to this woman put a lot of pressure on me because I don't want to be a jerk and be completely distant from my brother-in-law's girlfriend because we've already had that issue with another friend and it will just bring up old hurt. I need people who can stand up to me when I'm at my worst moods and I'm beating you up emotionally.

Daniel's new girlfriend did that with me the other night. We got in an argument sure but we also resolved it. She did not run away from the argument and go hide. She broke down and cried right in front of me and expressed every emotion I caused her to feel. Great start right? I hate feeling like this monster that calls out everybody's bulshit including mine. I really was just trying to pull out my conflict and deal with it and not try to put the burden on her for sure but I'm not about going behind people's back and talking about them especially to the people that they are dating who else that I have to discuss this with other than her anyway? I like direct communication. I'm not a passive aggressive person. I can be passive so not to hurt your feelings but I'm not a passive aggressive person. If I've got something to say to you I'm going to say it especially when I am ready and know how I want to say it. It turned out for the better because she admitted that she needed to cry from a lot of pressure from the week and that I was the push that made her move but I'm still worried about future interactions. I don't want anyone in my life I'm just going to beat up by being myself. I need people to be in my life who can separate themselves from my anger and internal conflicts and not take on the pain.

My husband is still learning how to do this. I was ranting and venting away about him being sick and not being able to enjoy my birthday with him and he took all the pressure on as if it was his fault. 🙈 I swear I can't be angry about anything without somebody taking on the pressure themselves. I have to suck it up all the time just so I don't hurt other people's feelings. I think that's why I relate to #Slipknot so much. I've been listening to that band since I was like 11. So that means I've been listening to them for like 22 years. They are a huge part of my life and a huge influence in my life and my healing. Probably number one on my list. They're definitely a part of my soul and I definitely feel the big brother attitude that they have with society. It's beautiful and well needed for people like me. The magic of their music has filled my spirit with so much love in so many times that I needed it.

But before I go on a tangent let's get back to what was bothering me in the first place. Family. I need to work through my fears because it's not like this woman is some crazy monster person like the last girl. The last girl wanted to keep secrets with my husband about me. He immediately told me about it of course but I'm just really jaded by her and my mother because they popped in my life at the same time. They were just alike. It was like my mother pushed herself into my life not only physically but spiritually too. I have so much hatred for my mother I really wish she would die. I know she's going to die one day and I can't wait for that day to end everybodies suffering. She's one of those Santa baby ladies, gold digging, cocaine junkie narcissistic trash. She's somebody else's mess to clean up, I was not here to raise her. I don't want anybody else like her in my life ever again. The fighter in me will really show and I might damage some relationships along the way. I just hope this girl turns out to be fine. She seems fine. I'm just wrought with a lot of trust issues and fears and I'm not feeling at home right now even though I know I am home.

[tortuga-aak]

The vast majority of the 36 powerful men publicly accused of sexual harassment aren't sex addicts

Frederick M. Brown / Stringer/Getty Images

The list of powerful men accused of sexual harassment has continued to grow since a bombshell report about Harvey Weinstein surfaced in October.

Most of them probably don't have a sex addiction, a certified sex addiction therapist told Business Insider.

Typically, sex addicts display clear red flags, such as repeatedly seeking help and displaying a deep sense of internal strife or despair.

As the list of men accused of sexually assaulting, abusing, and raping women continues to grow, some people have started to wonder: Are some of these men mentally ill?

It's possible that a few of them are. But the cause of most of their violent behavior is much simpler. They used their positions of power to manipulate and coerce people less powerful than themselves.

There are a few key ways to distinguish someone grappling with a real sex addiction from someone who is on a violent power trip, certified sex addiction therapist Jenner Bishop told Business Insider.

Most clients with real sex addiction repeatedly seek help and display a deep sense of internal strife or despair.

"Usually people who are sex addicts have made repeated attempts to stop," Bishop said. "Often they're disturbed by their own behaviors. They have an internal sense that they don't want to do this and they can’t control themselves."

For those reasons and many more, it's crucial to avoid throwing around the term "sex addict," Bishop said. This does a disservice to the thousands of Americans who actually grapple with sex addiction.

"There are men who come into my office for treatment throwing around sex addiction when really they're philanderers. They're serial womanizers. They're dogs. But because we don't have a real definition for it, someone — any other therapist — could supposedly treat them for that. That label is very seductive in terms of everybody having a mea culpa," Bishop said.

A lot of controversy surrounds the term "sex addiction" among psychologists and therapists. Some argue that it doesn't exist at all, pointing to the fact that the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders (DSM) — widely considered the psychiatrist's bible for identifying mental illnesses — doesn't include it on the grounds that there aren't enough large studies on the topic. But others say it is a real disorder that needs attention and treatment — and the fact that it gets thrown around among celebrities actually makes it tougher to do that.

GettyBishop said it's fairly easy to tell the difference between someone who has a real sex addiction and someone who is simply seeking a justification for bad behavior.

"There are people who end up in our office because they've been caught and all of a sudden they realize they need to do something," Bishop said. Those cases stand in sharp contrast to the patients she treats who really need help.

"Real sex addiction has a characteristic of inner conflict and stress and helplessness. Generally, it's people who have a much more serious understanding and a sense of internal conflict around this. These are people who have sworn repeatedly to themselves, — 'I'll never do this again,' — people who've tried putting up barriers to the behavior and find themselves running over them anyway and find themselves in despair," Jenner said.

When people presenting these characteristics come in, Jenner can say to them, "we have a treatment protocol that can actually help you because you have some sense of personal integrity and who you want to be and how you want to get there."

Other therapists agree that while sex addiction is real, the term is often used misused to the advantage of powerful or famous people.

"Personally, I believe that sex addiction is a reality, but that it affects a small minority of individuals," Mark Griffiths, a psychologist and professor of gambling studies at Nottingham Trent University in the UK, wrote in a blog post.

"One of the reasons why sex addiction may not be taken seriously is that the term is often used by high-profile celebrities as an excuse," he said.

Reports about many of the celebrities accused of sexual misconduct have chronicled consistent patterns: Less powerful people repeatedly accused the man of unwanted advances, alienation, and other inappropriate behavior, and the man and his lawyers paid to settle the cases quietly. Usually, it went on for decades.

But it's only after allegations receive a lot of press attention that these men seem to seek therapy for sex addiction.

In almost all of the cases, there are too many unanswered questions to say for sure what's going on. We don't know whether they had previously sought counseling. We don't know if they were ever diagnosed with sex addiction. All we know is that most of them have been charged — repeatedly — with accusations that suggest that they violated the rights of many people.

"They want an excuse for their behavior," Bishop said. "But even a reason is not an excuse."

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