#and the doctor is like...I am *trying* to get rid of them...to varying degrees of annoyance from the three of them

[yellow-faerie]

In typical fashion for me, I have fallen into AU hell for Doctor Who and I am really living it up over here

[whereisten]

Mr. Hyde

A Hendery fic that’s part of our Halloween Series!

Summary: Hendery is sweet, charming, and kind, but he possesses a dark secret. Unfortunately, Mr. Hyde won’t stay quiet for much longer.

Pairing: Chemical Engineer!Hendery x female reader (college student)

Genre: angst, smut, fluff, violence, murder, horror

Word Count: 10.5k

Warnings: mental illness mention, blood mention, knife mention, murder described, death of side character, possessiveness, cursing, smut: semi-public sex, protected sex, thigh riding, nipple sucking, slapping, choking, rough sex, car sex mention, daddy kink, size kink, slight degradation, dirty talk.

(A/N: WELLL Halloween is here you guys!! Thank you for the support we have gotten for this series, I hope you enjoy this fic inspired by the iconic Jekyll&Hyde story!❤️🥺)

————

“Oh, hello Hendery..”

“Hello, Mr. Hyde..”

“And how did it go today..with the Mayor?”

“That’s none of your concern, Hyde. Leave it to me.”

The dark voice lets out a haunting chuckle. “Hendery..what would you like me to do?”

“Nothing! I said, it’s none of your concern!” Hendery slams his hand down onto the counter.

“But it’s our lab, isn’t it?” 

Hendery cups his face as he breaks down to tears. “Why?! Why won’t you leave me alone?!”

“Oh..Hendery, you can’t get rid of me, no matter what crazy toxins you concoct. I’ll be here, I’ll always be here.”

———

“I don’t see what my difference my presence here makes..” You roll your eyes and step out of your father’s black SUV.

The driver closes the door behind you while your father takes your hand in his and waves to the crowd with the other.

Today, you’ve joined him for a fundraising event in City Hall. The program is designed to bring awareness to a Missing Persons Search Team Fund. Lately, people have been going missing at an alarming rate and your father, the Mayor, is unsure of what to do about it. The police and volunteering citizens had done the best they could to conduct thorough search parties but no one was ever found. These people varied in age and description so there was no way to formulate a possible killer’s profile.

Your father initiated a curfew for everyone to abide by until they found the missing people and the kidnapper..dead or alive.

You were a college student and your institution was about two hours away, but your father didn’t feel safe and insisted on you staying at home while taking classes online. You did as he said, for you knew that this must’ve been difficult for him, considering your own dealings with the death of your mother. She was found murdered in an alleyway a few years ago, prompting a change in your father’s life. He was determined to become a leading figure in society that would bring down the city’s crime rate. And it worked...until now.

“The more people we have on board, the faster we find these people and the better I look, the better OUR family looks.” He whispered into your ear while displaying a wide smile to his “fans.”

You smiled as well and nodded.

And so, you found yourself seated at a round table by yourself as your father spoke with other leaders, sergeants, politicians, and the fund creators.

And what difference did your presence make? Nothing.

You scrolled through your phone and huffed. You saw pictures of your friends back at college. There had been a Halloween party the night before and they all posted pictures of themselves in their costumes looking drunk and happy. 

You were jealous to say the least. You just wanted a normal life, but now even Halloween was canceled because of the curfew your father put in place.

You didn’t notice that a slender man with brown hair sat down beside you as you pouted.

“You must be so bored..” His low voice spoke.

You looked up at him and smiled. “Hi..yeah, I am very bored.”

The man in a nice dress shirt and tie laughed and then you realized you may have insulted one of the organizers.

“Oh!” You sat up straight in your chair and put your phone down. “I’m so sorry..I didn’t mean to offend—“

“Oh..of course not, sweetheart. I’m quite bored myself.”

Sweetheart. The way that word left his lips made your heart tremble.

You nodded and stared at his heart-shaped lips, maybe a little too long. “I see..” You looked away. “My name is y/n..the mayor is..”

“Your father..yes, is that the only reason for you being here?” He tilted his head while smirking.

You looked to the side and hesitated. You looked up to him with wide eyes.

“Y-yes, I’m sorry but—“

“Don’t be sorry, my name is Dr. Wong, but you can call me Hendery.”

Your mouth fell open. He looked like he was your age, but he already had a doctoral degree? You were stunned.

“I know..I’m kinda young, but I skipped a few grades.”

Your eyes widened. “Wow! That’s so cool, what do you do?”

Hendery smiled when you looked shocked by his title and complimented him. “I’m the leading chemical engineer at the WCT Lab..”

You gasped, WCT lab was responsible for breakthrough advancements in technology as well as medical advancements. That was what your city was primarily known for. And for this young man to be the leading engineer was amazing. Why was he sitting with you, a college student? Surely, you were only insulting his intelligence.

Hendery was pleased by your surprised look once again, he felt a sense of pride.

“Dr. Wong, I mean, Hendery..that’s amazing! You guys have done some wonderful things at that lab. Well..of course, you already know that.”

You closed your eyes. Oh how dumb you must’ve sounded to him.

But Hendery only adored you even more when you got flustered.

“It’s okay, y/n..It happens all the time. People don’t expect that from me, someone that’s just 21 years old, to be the head of all projects.”

You nodded, then looked to your father who was still speaking with several men and women of importance surrounding him.

“Why aren’t you up there with him?” You turned back to Hendery. “You’re just as important as them.”

Hendery glanced up at your father then back at you. Something about his gaze felt..good. His eyes were intense but made you feel like it was just the two of you in the room. You felt warm as you saw his shirt hug his biceps as he leaned forward.

“My presence doesn’t make a difference either, but it does make me look good.” He gave a wink as his smile widened.

Your face became warm.

“I’ll tell you what..come with me for a moment, I’m going to show you a cool trick.”

He stood up and held his hand out for you to take. You held it and smoothed your dress down as you stood up.

Hendery thought you were beautiful, unlike anyone else. You were like a butterfly with a unique pattern of vibrant colors on its wings. Your touch was delicate like one too.

He took you to the kitchen in the hall. No one was there but the two of you.

You stood by the island in the center.

“What are we doing here?”

“Are you nervous?” Hendery shuffled through the freezer.

“No..” You lied as you looked around for the closest knife to pick up just in case he tried anything.

“The knives are to your right.” He called out, as if hearing your thoughts.

You chuckled and leaned against the counter while feeling embarrassed.

“Okay, so I’ve got some ice..” He placed a few ice cubes onto the countertop and then reached over for the salt dispenser.

“And some salt..”

You nodded, unsure of where he was going with this. “Okay.”

“Now, hold your hand out.” He smiled at you again.

Your brows furrowed but you did as he said.

He placed his hand over yours. Your skin was smooth and warm, his touch was gentle as he slowly traced his fingertips over your knuckles.

He stood so close to you, you could feel his breath on your forehead.

Your eyes grew as a silent moment rested between the two of you, you looked up at him as if no one had ever held your hand before.

He cleared his throat and looked away from your eyes and to your hand. “I’m going to put some salt in your palm, then I’m going to place ice on it, simple right?”

You nodded.

Hendery smiled again and glanced down at your lips.

“Alright..good.”

He poured the salt out then put about three ice cubes into your hand.

“Now, close your hand.”

You do as he says and after a few seconds you wince in pain.

A burning feeling shoots through your hand, you open your palm out and shake the ice to the floor.

“Oh my God, Hendery! What the hell was that?” You look up in pain. 

Hendery laughs. 

“You see, salt lowers the melting point of ice..hence why you briefly experienced the burning sensation.”

“I could’ve gotten frostbite!” 

Hendery only laughed harder. “Y/n...you wouldn’t be so stupid as to let it stay long enough for that...but I am.”

You looked up at him questioningly.

He poured salt out into his own hand and placed ice onto it.

He shut his hand and smiled. You watched him intensely. How could he endure this type of pain for so long?

“Hendery..that’s enough, you should stop now.” 

You go to grab his hand, but he turns.

“No, no, I’m fine, I promise.”

“Surely, that must be painful, Hendery!”

“Does it impress you?” He turns when you try to open his hand again. He smirks while he watches you freak out.

“No..no! It doesn’t, it’s freaking me out actually!”

Hendery pouts with his hand still closed. “Oh no..I wanted to impress the pretty girl.”

You shook your head. “Let me see your hand.”

He turns again.

“Hendery!”

“I’ll let you see it, if you let me take you out some time.”

You tilted your head. “Oh my God, that’s why you did this? Hendery..why didn’t you just ask?” You peel his hand open and see red, burnt skin. Several lesions have been created.

Your eyes widened but Hendery only adores your face while you hold his hand.

“So is that a yes?” He pays no attention to the burns on his palm, knowing that they’d go away soon enough if he just drank the right thing for it.

“You’re crazy, but yes, you can take me out.”

————

[Two Days Later] 

You and Hendery swapped phone numbers later that night. You agreed to go to the street art fair where you would walk around and learn more about each other.

Hendery waved to you as he walked over to the entrance.

He looked cooler now, in a flannel and jeans while aviator sunglasses covered his eyes. 

His hair had a slight wave to it and hung more loosely than it did the first time you met.

“Hey Doc, how’s your hand?” 

Hendery held his palm out to you and to your surprise, you saw nothing that would indicate he had burned himself just two days prior. His palm looked normal.

“W-what?”

“All healed up, I told you I’d be fine.”

He smirked then took your hand and led you through the gate.

The fair was calm, you got to talk about your major in college and why you were home this year.

Hendery told you that he got his degree overseas and came back here to help your town. He said that he always felt drawn to it for it needed so much assistance, he felt he was the one to help.

You liked his dedication to his craft, but even more, you liked watching him talk about it. His eyes were shielded from you, but even then you could tell that he was passionate and in love with his work.

“Well..I guess it’s time to go home..gotta get back before curfew.” 

You stared up at him. “You’re right. I had a—“

“Y/n! What are you doing here? I thought you were home.”

It was none other than your father. He hustled towards you. Hendery’s smile fell as he watched him walk over. 

“I’ll go mad if I spend any more time in the house, dad.” You sighed and crossed your arms.

His focus shifts from you and to Hendery. “And young man, it’s nice to see you again, but what has my daughter done to warrant your presence?”

You rolled your eyes, your finger rubbed your temple.

Hendery chuckled softly. “Your daughter and I had a wonderful time today, we were just saying goodbye.”

Your father frowned and looked back at you.

“Well...goodbye then.” He stepped towards you.

You turned to leave with your father before you could be embarrassed any more. Your father was always like this since your mother died, overprotective and on guard.

“Y/n…” Hendery’s soft voice called out.

You turned back to look at him. Your face looked gorgeous in the sunset, the sun made your eyes glitter and your lips were shaped perfectly. Of all the art he had seen today, you, in this moment, were the prettiest sight he’d ever seen.

“Yes?”

“I’ll..see you later.”

You smiled and nodded. “Of course.”

When you got to your father’s car, he scolded you on how you shouldn't be interested in speaking with anyone right now, for everyone was a suspect.

“You have to be careful, no one is safe!”

You leaned your head against the window.

“I understand, father, but all of my friends are at college right now, would it really hurt if I go out every now and then?”

“Yes! Yeah it would hurt, why? Because you could go missing or lose your life!”

“Why are you so strict? He’s a nerd, what harm could he possibly do to me. I thought you’d like him, I know mom would’ve--”

You stopped when you realized what you had said. Your mom's death was something that you were both still grappling with. You tried not to speak of her, for it only made both of you more upset.

Your dad sighed, he held back tears. “Y/n..I’m sorry..I’m sorry I’m this way..Sometimes I can’t help it, but..I’m just worried, I-“

“I know, dad..let’s just go home.”

When you got inside he spoke to you again before you headed to your room. “That boy..If you want to see him again..He’ll be at the soup kitchen on Thursday, he’s always helping out there.”

You turned and smiled. “Thanks, dad.”

———-

[Thursday]

You had volunteered at the soup kitchen a few times during high school, it was a rewarding experience, for you got to help out while hearing from members of the community that you wouldn’t usually meet or speak to. They varied in age and overall life experiences, each one had a story to tell. 

You stood in the utilities closet of the kitchen alone and put your apron on, but struggled to tie it in the back.

“Damn it..” You whispered, you just couldn’t find the other strap.

Then you felt a presence behind you. 

“Do you need help?” You heard a familiar voice say.

But before you could spin around to face him, his fingers tapped along your waist on both sides and grabbed the straps. He stepped closer, leaning down to breathe against the back of your neck.

A chill ran through your body as the apron tightened around your body perfectly.

You finally spun around to face him.

“Hendery.” 

He watches his name fall from your lips.

He smirks and licks his lips. “How’d you know?”

You laughed, but his intense and low gaze on your face made you weak.

“Your voice..I’d recognize it anywhere.”

Hendery blushed and laughed.

“Do you like my voice, sweetheart?”

Another chill vibrates through your body and you find yourself pressing your legs together.

You breathe heavily and nod. “I do..and I’d like it if you’d call me at night...when you leave work of course.”

“Understood.” He licks his lips again and turns to leave. You follow behind him and out to the main dining area where you both serve food together.

During your break, you watched him go to each table to talk to all of the families eating. He grinned as they asked him how he’d been doing since the last time they saw him the week before.

He even sat down next to any elderly attendees that needed assistance with eating their food.

Your heart fluttered. He was so kind, caring and handsome on top of it all.

“How long have you two been seeing each other?” A man said. His voice broke you out of the trance Hendery had you in.

“Oh..” You turned to him as you leaned against a wall.

“We aren’t dating.”

The man that spoke to you was none other than Yuta, the head chef and owner of Osaka Moon, the best restaurant in the city. He was in charge of providing food for the soup kitchen every Thursday and did a wonderful job each time from what you had heard. Everyone loved his five star meals.

He smiled softly. “Well..if you continue to look at him like that..it won’t be long til you do.”

“Like what?” Your brows knitted.

Yuta only chuckled and shrugged his shoulders before walking away.

But he was right, you started dating. You found yourself FaceTiming Hendery every night until you fell asleep. You spoke about everything, never running out of topics to talk about and never getting bored. His personality, like Cinderella’s slipper, fit yours incredibly well.

Fortunately, that wasn’t the only thing that fit perfectly. 

———

[1 Month Later]

One day at the soup kitchen, the two of you found yourselves knocking over cans of fruit in the kitchen closet.

Your legs wrapped around his waist as he slid in and out of you for the first time. You just couldn’t hold back anymore. You wanted him badly and a kiss just wasn’t enough.

He covered your mouth with his hand, for your moans were beautiful but grew increasingly louder as he rubbed your clit. 

He breathed heavily into your neck. “Sweetheart, I’m going to ruin you later for being so loud.”

You let out a mewl while the wetness between your legs increased at his words.

Your nails scratched his back as he pinned you against a cabinet.

And later that day, he did ruin you in his car before he let you out to go home. He parked just a few blocks away, luckily his windows were tinted so no one could see him bringing you to paradise in the back seat with your hands tied behind your back with his belt.

You laid down together when you finished.

His fingers played in your scalp as your back rested against his chest. He kissed your neck and listened to you breathe.

“How’s school?” He said in between kisses.

You took his other hand in yours and intertwined your fingers. “It’s okay, finals are stressful.”

“Well, you know I’m here to help.” He kisses you again.

You smiled. “Of course, but I know you have your own issues to deal with. How are things at the lab?”

You knew he had been frustrated lately because some of his appeals for certain projects had been denied by the national organizations. You failed to remember the very specific details he told you the night before, but he was overjoyed that you remembered him even mentioning it.

He smiled to himself, tucking your hair behind your ear as you yawned.

“Things are okay, it'll all work out, I’m sure.”

“How can you be so sure?”

Hendery chuckled. “Because they all give in to me sooner or later.” His voice sounded a bit different then, it was deeper, rougher.

Deep into the night after Hendery drops you off home, he drives down an empty street.

“When will you tell her?”

“Tell her what?”

“About me! About us..”

“She will never know about you because you don’t matter!” Hendery says sternly.

“Fuck you! I’m the reason why you got this far, you fool!”

He grips the steering wheel and winces. “I like her..a lot. I can’t hurt her. I won’t hurt her.’

“And how many times have you said that before? Hmm?”

Hendery blinks slowly and looks to his rear view mirror.

“The clock strikes 8 and the world goes empty, which poor, wandering soul will be our next victim?”

“‘Our?’ You’re on your own..”

“And when the blood is on my hands, don’t forget to look down at yours too..now shut up, and stop here..this girl looks lonely.”

“No..I won’t do that.”

“I wasn’t asking! Pull over!”

“No!” Hendery struggles, but pulls over and stops right beside a girl waiting at a bus stop.

“Hello..need a lift?”

——

[1 Week Later]

You hadn’t seen Hendery since that night, you knew that he was busy with work, but you didn’t think he’d be this busy.

“Hey.” You say once he answers the FaceTime call.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

He looks disheveled and has bags under his eyes. His eyes look intense as he props the phone up beside his computer screen and continues to type.

“Are you still at the lab?” 

Hendery feels soft when he hears your sweet voice, it calms him down. He stops typing and looks at you, all cuddled up in your blanket on the bed.

“Yeah..” he pouts, “I wish I could be there with you right now..”

“Oh? And what would you do if you were here?”

You raise an eyebrow.

“Ahhh you naughty girl, well..just for that, I’d only cuddle you..”

“Henderyyyy don’t be so cruel, what if I need you?” 

“Then I’d hug you tightly and make you wait until the morning.” He winked and started typing again.

“What if I call you “daddy?” You whisper into the phone, knowing that it would drive him crazy.

His typing fingers stuttered for a moment but he exhaled and furrowed his brows as he continued his work.

“Baby? I haven’t seen you in so long, play with me..please.” You begged.

“No..not tonight, sweetheart.” He wasn’t even looking at the screen anymore.

“But baby..”

“I said no!” He said angrily. You never heard him like this before. His voice was rough again and different, like it had doubled.

He looked at you then back at his computer screen.

He fidgeted and had trouble breathing for a moment, but you stayed silent.

“I’m—I’m sorry, I should go now, goodnight.”

He hung up before you could say goodnight.

That was the first of many moments that were strange to you. Hendery wasn’t as sweet sometimes. He’d be short with you even at the soup kitchen. When you tugged his shirt to pull him to the back he ignored you and fixed his hair.

He looked tired and you tried to pin it on him acting on the stress he was recently experiencing, but the truth was that it was much more complicated.

Late at night, Hendery would find himself fighting someone else. Someone that had been more intent on doing their own thing.

“Let’s take a walk in the park tonight.”

“No, Mr. Hyde..”

“Really? I think it would help you to relieve some stress.”

“I need to sleep..I feel terrible, I don’t even know what you’re doing anymore..why don’t you stop this? Why don’t you leave me alone so I can function like a normal person?” Hendery holds his head as he lays down on his couch.

“You can rest while I take care of the imbeciles out there, the more we kill, the happier we’ll be.”

“No!!” Hendery shouts. “How many more?! How many more must die at your hand? I will control you! You will not overrule me!”

He grabs a glass of green liquid from the coffee table and brings to his lips. He chugs it down as tears stream down his face, but soon he is thrown to the floor on his knees. He feels fingers in his throat, his eyes roll in the back of his head as veins protrude from his forehead. Then, out comes the liquid that he just struggled to swallow.

He balls his fists up and cries. “NOOOO!! That was the last of it!”

“It’s okay, Hendery, it’s time to go to sleep anyway. You’ll make more tomorrow, but you’ll be just as defenseless against me.”

“No, no, please don’t! Please don’t kill anyone else!”

“And what would you rather me do to gain satisfaction? Torture them until they BEG to be killed?” Mr. Hyde laughs sinisterly as Hendery drifts into unconsciousness.

The next morning, Hendery wakes to find himself covered in blood, he can’t remember how he got to his bed or whose blood is on him, but he sees the knife at the end of the bed covered in blood as well. He breaks down in tears and yells out for mercy as he realizes that he can no longer control Mr. Hyde.

————

[Two Days Later]

You meet up with Hendery for a Starbucks date.

“I’m sorry about the other night..the stress got to me.” Hendery smiles softly when he watches you burn your mouth with hot coffee.

The truth was that you like iced caramel macchiato but you wanted to be more “serious” around Hendery so you only drank black coffee like a “regular” adult.

You hissed as the hot liquid burned your tongue.

“How many times do I have to tell you?..just order what you want.” He giggled and sipped his own coffee.

“Eh, I know, but..isn't it a bit childish?” You asked with wide eyes.

Hendery chuckled and ran his hand down the side of your face. He adored you. 

“No..nothing is childish if you enjoy it.”

You smiled. “Okay.”

You sat in silence most of the time as you both worked on your projects separately. Hendery still looked handsome, but strange. You’d glance up at him every now and then and see that his brows were always knitted and his lips moved like he was talking to himself.

He spoke quickly, so you could never make out what he actually said.

The bags around his eyes were red and his cheeks looked more sunken in like he hadn’t been eating well. His shirt was crushed, but when you first met him his shirts were always pressed and tucked in neatly. And his hair had grown out, like he hadn’t bothered to visit a stylist recently.

“Hendery..is everything alright?” You put your hand on his.

He quickly withdrew his hand and held it while glaring at you.

“I’m fine!” He said loudly, the few customers sitting nearby turned to the two of you when they heard his roar.

He realized he was loud and relaxed into his seat. “I’m sorry, again. I-I was just frightened.”

You nod slowly and put your hand back under the table.

Before the two of you departed each other, you gave him a hug and a kiss. 

You walked towards your house as Hendery watched.

He felt pain in his heart when he watched you walk away with a defeated look. You were sad because of him, and he hated that. He just wanted to make you happy, he just wanted everything to be under control.

“Y/n..There’s a new art museum opening up on Friday, your father extended curfew just for it..would you like to go with me?”

You turned to him and smiled widely. “Is that a date?”

“Of course..we can spend some time in my car afterwards..if you want. Would that make you happy?” He gave you a wink.

You nodded. “As long as I’m with you, Hendery. I’m happy.”

———

[Two Days Later]

Hendery decides to have dinner with your father at his penthouse. He pretends to prepare a meal for him that was actually provided by Osaka Moon’s Catering company.

He had a maid make everything spotless and made sure to spend a little more time on his hair and outfit. He had to ensure that your father took him seriously, for he would plan to ask him once more for a donation from the city for his lab. They would be able to do more research this way. 

He had posited the question once before, but gained a disappointing ‘no,’ as your father focused more on the missing people’s fund, however, Hendery believed it imperative for the lab to gain new resources and make new developments that would positively affect the city’s environment.

So tonight, he hoped that with some food and humor, he could convince the mayor. 

“What are your intentions with my daughter? I see you have been seeing each other quite frequently lately..” your father took a bite of his steak and chewed while looking down at his plate.

Hendery smiled. “Your daughter and I have a wonderful relationship, I would say. She is very supportive and kind, the world could be better with more people like her.”

“Well, I certainly agree. Do you feel that you can protect her from this cruel world?” He looks up from his plate and looks sternly on Hendery.

Hendery swallows hard, but nods quickly. “Of course, I’d do anything to protect her.”

Cut the bullshit, get to the question.

A few more minutes pass. The two speak about wonderful changes that have occurred in the past year. Hendery even cracks a few jokes to get a chuckle from your father.

As things whine down and your father prepares to leave, Hendery leans forward and intertwines his fingers on the dining table.

“Mr. Y/l/n, I believe that you are a man of great intelligence, therefore, I believe that you will make the right call by supporting my lab.”

Your father raises his eyebrows and crosses his arms as Hendery continues.

“I believe that you will see the importance of funding our research at the lab. We will be able to make even more groundbreaking developments like we have in the past year. We need the resources should we continue.”

Your father thinks for a moment then shakes his head. “I am so sorry, son, but I cannot issue the funds to your lab at this time.”

Hendery sighs but the mayor continues.

“We are dealing with a huge crisis in our city right now, I have to help our citizens find their loved ones. Furthermore, with the holidays approaching, we must provide food and assistance to families in need. The budget for your lab is not there.”

“Yes, sir, I understand the importance of these things, but I have been asking for your assistance for these past few months now, we simply cannot go any further without it..” Hendery taps his finger against the table while trying to hold back. He swallows the grumbling in his chest.

His eyes stare intensely at the mayor, but the mayor is unfazed.

“I will not provide tax payers money to some boy that wants to do his little experiments..at the end of the day, your work being done is not a matter of life or death.”

Hendery twitches when he hears the mayor’s insult.

“Please..don’t make me do something I’ll regret.” He whispers lowly.

Your father leans forward in his chair.

“Is that a threat, boy?”

Hendery smirks and loosens his tie.

“I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but just because you gave me some food, doesn’t mean I will bend over and let you do what you will.”

Hendery laughs under his breath. “Your daughter did.”

Your father shoots up from the table.

“What did you say?!”

Hendery’s eyes narrow, his mouth grows into a creepy smile as he laughs. “You heard me!”

Your father walks around the table and grabs Hendery up by the collar, but Hendery grabs the steak knife and presses the sharp tip into his neck just deep enough to draw blood.

Your father freezes, his eyes widen in fear.

“Hendery, what in God’s name are you doing?!”

“Hendery isn’t here anymore, you fucking fool. You should’ve just listened to him the first time, now I have to take over because he was too weak!” Hendery’s voice comes out in a deep tone your father had never heard before. Venom practically leaves his tone as he speaks.

Your father stares in confusion as the knife presses in deeper.

“Listen, you worthless piece of shit. We thought you were smart but it turns out you’re just as dumb as any other bimbo in this shitty city. So let’s spell it out for you, give us the money or we will kill your daughter…”

His head snaps to the right. “We won’t kill her!” Hendery’s usual voice cries out.

“Shut up!” He snaps his head back to the left.

“You’re-you’re insane.” Your father stares into his red eyes and pale skin.

He looks strange and scary, like someone that was already dead.

This couldn’t possibly have been the same person he spoke to just a few minutes ago.

“Aren’t we all, mayor?” He chuckles and twists the knife, your father cries out in pain.

“Okay! Okay! I’ll give you the money!” Your father couldn’t lose you like he lost his wife. He wouldn’t mess up this time, he had to give Hendery whatever he wanted if he wanted you to stay alive and well.

Hendery nods. “Good.” 

He lets the mayor go and laughs loudly while still wielding the knife in his hand and watching the Mayor run out.

———

[Friday Night]

Hendery wakes up at 9 P.M. He looks down at his hands and sees bruises across his knuckles.

He sits up straight on the bed and rubs his head.

“Shit..what did you do?”

But there’s no answer.

He missed the entire day because of Mr. Hyde. He was taking his life over, it seemed the potion was no longer having an affect on him, for he couldn’t remember where he was on most nights. But even worse, more recently it seemed he’d blackout during the days as well.

He looks at his phone and sees that he has 13 missed calls and several text messages from you.

“Damn it!” He curses and jumps up from the bed. He runs to the shower to see if he can go to the art museum before you left.

He called you several times as he drove to the museum but you didn’t answer, you ignored his calls because you were pissed he didn’t show.

You were busy speaking with Ten, a writer for the city’s newspaper. He was observing an artwork when he came across you staring at your phone with tears in your eyes.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

You looked up at him with a somber expression then broke down even more. He took you outside where you talked about what happened. He then told you a joke to make you laugh and about his job.

“I focus on stories that deal with art and culture, so of course I had to be here.”

“Oh, that’s very nice. The pieces in there are really interesting..well, at least from what I saw before I started crying like an idiot.” You shrugged your shoulders.

“Don’t say that..you’re not an idiot. I’m sure he has a reason..you just need to talk about it.”

You nod. “But Ten, it’s not just that. He’s been...different lately. I can’t speak with him very often because he gets upset..this was supposed to be our first date together in a long time. It was supposed to be a “first” for us.”

Ten nodded as he watched you sniffle. “Have you thought about leaving him?”

You shook your head. “I really like him...I just think we need more time, maybe we just have to work on communication.”

Ten gave you a smile. “I agree, if you think he’s worth it, then you’ll both find a way to work it out. Now, it’s 9:30..would you like me to drop you home before you lose a slipper, Princess?”

You felt your face become warm as you smiled.

Ten walked you home as the two of you continued to talk about painters and the artistic styles you enjoyed.

You never noticed Hendery watching the two of you from across the street.

He felt his heart race, an animalistic side was creeping out as he watched you laugh and smile with another man. Sure, he didn’t show up for your date, but did that mean that you should move on so quickly?

Hendery grows angry, he sticks his hands into the pocket of his hoodie and watches Ten give you a hug at your doorstep.

“I should just text her back and apologize.”

“And what will that do? She’ll just ignore you then go on a date with this guy tomorrow.”

“Thats nonsense, she wouldn’t do that to me.”

“Oh, Hendery, he wants her, she wants him, it’s clear to see. But you won’t believe it until she trips and conveniently falls on his dick, will you?”

Hendery shakes his head. “Shut up!”

“Why don’t we just get rid of him so you don’t have to worry about that happening?”

“No! No more murders.”

“But Hendery, what about the elderly man from this morning? Or the middle aged homeless person from the afternoon? Or how about the young girl from the bus stop?” 

“Stop it, Hyde!”

“Hendery...it’s time for you to go to sleep.”

“No! No!! Don’t do this again!”

But Hyde takes over once more, following Ten as he walks back to the museum.

———

[The Next Day]

You wake up late in the afternoon and turn the TV on for the news. Your dad already left for work so it’s just you in the house.

“Breaking News, it was discovered this morning, a writer from The Chronicles has gone missing. He goes by the name Ten and his vehicle was found with the key in its ignition and the front door open. Ten was last seen at the opening for the new art museum on 45th street.. If you have any information on Ten’s whereabouts, please contact the police at 555-5127.”

Your mouth fell open. The friendly gentleman that you met the night before had gone missing. You instantly felt guilty as you realized that he dropped you home and put his life in danger for it.

Then, your doorbell rang.

You looked through the peephole and saw Hendery.

You bit your bottom lip and sighed. You had been avoiding him since he ditched you, but you should’ve known he would visit you sooner or later when he knew your dad wasn’t home.

You opened the door.

“Hi.” You said with tight lips.

Hendery looked at you with pleading eyes that almost broke your hard exterior. His hair was wavy and hung in his forehead. His eyes looked tired and his face looked drained, but he still looked handsome to you.

“Baby..I’m so sorry, can I come in?”

You widened the door. “Yeah..I guess..”

Hendery brought in a large bouquet of flowers in one hand and a large gift bag in the other hand.

You sat down on the couch and turned off the TV.

“Okay, baby, listen, I’ve been at the lab a lot lately, I haven’t had enough sleep and I..I decided to take a nap like an idiot. I overslept and missed our date, I’m so so sorry, please baby, I didn’t do it on purpose.” He says in one breath as he drops the bag down and gets on his knees in front of you.

Your eyes widen. “Okay! Okay, you don’t have to do that..”

“Do you forgive me?” Hendery’s eyes are round and watery.

You caress the side of his face with your hand while he looks up at you like you’re the messiah. “Hendery..we should talk, maybe you should take a break from the lab..you look tired.”

Hendery melts in your hand as he closes his eyes. “Sweetheart..I love your touch..”

“You’re stressing yourself out, maybe it’s time for a vacation.” You continue.

He places his hand over yours and brings it to his lips. He kisses it softly.

“I’m fine, baby. I promise.” His voice is gravelly and makes you weak.

You sigh. “Sit beside me…”

Hendery smirks, he’s able to change the topic so effortlessly once he hypnotizes you with his eyes and touch. “Why?”

You lick your lips. “Are you really teasing me right now? After what you did last night?”

Hendery chuckles and gets up onto the couch beside you. You take his face in between your hands and kiss him deeply. You both grow hot and kiss each other with more passion as you struggle to breathe steadily, your tongue brushing over his and his teeth nipping onto your bottom lip.

He pulls away abruptly. “Wait..there’s something I have to show you.”

You watch him reach into the gift bag and pull out a large box. He hands it to you and grins. “Open it, sweetheart.”

“What’s this?” You lift the sides carefully and open the top. You then see that it’s a beautiful dress, but not just any dress. As you hold it above your head to let it fall loose from the box, you see that it’s the black Gucci dress that you told him you loved. It was long sleeve but slit down the center with a plunging neckline. 

You gasped. “For me?”

Hendery nodded when he saw your face light up.

“Oh my god! Hendery!” You turned to him with your mouth still agape.

He nodded. “You’re gonna look great in it, baby, but there’s something else..” he reaches into the bag and pulls out a small ring box.

“Hendery..”

He opens the box and shows you a dazzling emerald cut sapphire colored ring.

Your eyes widen even more. “Oh—oh my god!”

You fling your arms around him and hug him tightly.

He laughs as you freak out over your gifts and holds you to his chest. The two of you fall onto the couch and continue to make out.

“I love it, baby, thank you.” You say before kissing his neck.

He feels a chill run through his body as you lay on top of him. “It’s a promise ring, I promise to protect you and love you for as long as I live.”

You felt your legs weaken by his words.

“Hendery..I love you..” you kiss his collarbone.

Neither of you felt that it was early, for there was an undeniable connection that you had to each other. You couldn’t imagine yourselves with anyone else.

You sucked his skin in between your teeth and listened to him moan, the purplish marks you gave him standing bright and clear as the sunny day outside. 

You then pulled the band of his sweatpants down to reveal his hard member and licked the tip leaking with pre cum already.

You forgot about everything as the two of you made love. You only felt him, his love, his embrace, his caring nature. You loved it all and yearned for him to be with you forever.

———

[New Year’s Eve]

Things had calmed down a bit since that day. Hendery started looking and feeling better as his lab received more than enough money to continue research and development projects.

You also noticed that the rate of people going missing each week had gone down significantly, as if the culprit was taking a break for the holidays.

You felt happier now that Hendery and your father were both happier. Things felt right when you had Hendery by your side for Thanksgiving dinner and for the entire day of Christmas. And now, you could ring in the new year together. You hoped that your future would remain as bright as these past few days had been.

Hendery bought you so many gifts for Christmas, you had to leave some of them in his place. But you didn’t mind it, as it gave you an excuse to stay over some nights. Surprisingly, your dad was okay with that.

Your dad lifted curfew for the holidays, meaning you and Hendery could go to the movies or ice skating whenever you had the chance. You also got to make out by the giant Christmas tree by city hall and snap a few pictures together.

And when the nights were cold, Hendery wrapped you in his arms and kept you warm. He’d whisper sweet words into your ear and wait for you to drift into sleep.

He was taking double the amount of his “medication” to hold Mr. Hyde back. He was able to create more of it with your father’s generous donation that allowed him to buy the chemicals necessary. But he couldn’t ignore the fact that a part of him missed Mr. Hyde, for he felt more..confident with him around.

Nonetheless, Hendery spun you around on the ballroom floor as you danced.

The city was having a countdown special at a mansion owned by Johnny, the owner of the popular greenhouse conservatory on the outskirts.

His place was beautiful and you found yourself in awe at all of the art on the walls.

“I didn’t know you could dance.” You looked impressed by his dancing skills.

Hendery blushed. “I didn’t know I could either, but I may have watched a YouTube video or two to prepare for this..” he gave you a wink.

“Ohh..I see.” You laughed out as Hendery watched your beautiful smile. You looked stunning in the dress he bought you. Your neck and cleavage looked wonderful and oh so tempting. Your makeup was also done well, even though he thought you were gorgeous without it.

Hendery looked dapper in his suit and smoothed back hair. His hand on your waist and the way he looked into your eyes as you danced close made you tremble.

Hendery couldn’t keep his eyes from drifting down to your chest. He breathed heavily and the beast inside him dared to crawl out at any moment.

He was struggling to hold him back, but your silky, revealing dress has their thoughts running wild. He’s growing impatient. Sooner or later, Mr. Hyde will take over if Hendery doesn’t hold him back.

Hendery clears his throat and lets go of your hand. “Excuse me, I have to go to the restroom..”

A look of concern crosses your face but you nod and watch him scurry to the bathroom.

In the meantime, you watch your father speak to the elites a few feet away. You take a sip of your drink and look to the other direction.

A lady walks over to you suddenly.

“Hello! You must be the mayor’s beautiful daughter! How are you?” The woman asked enthusiastically.

You gave a smile that your dad would’ve been proud of and shook her hand.

“Yes! I am his daughter and thank you so much, I’m flattered.” You chuckled.

She nods. “You look amazing, but I couldn’t help but notice the ring on your finger.”

She points to the ring on your hand that is holding the glass.

“Oh.. what about it?”

“It’s just...I could’ve sworn I saw it on TV or something..” she puts a finger to her chin.

You shrugged your shoulders. 

“Ahh! Yes! That’s where I saw it, on the news I think, it was missing from a jewelry store! I think it’s worth about 50 grand!”

“What are you talking about?” Hendery pops up behind her.

He walks beside you and takes your hand in his. “Are you really trying to harass the Mayor’s daughter by accusing her of stealing a ring?”

The woman shook her head. “I am so sorry, you guys have a good night.” She walks away.

You turn to Hendery. “What was that?”

Hendery’s face relaxes when he looks back at you.

“I don’t know, but let’s dance.”

You dance for a few more minutes. Hendery starts to sweat and pull your body closer to his, he licks his lips as he watches your eyes fall low.

“Baby, I’m so sorry but I can’t take it anymore.” He takes your hand and leads you to the bathroom upstairs where things are a little quieter.

You stumble into the bathroom while kissing. Hendery fidgets his hand behind him and eventually finds the lock. He also flips the light switch.

He wraps an arm around you, picking you up and placing you to sit on the counter.

You continue to kiss him but Hendery is impatient.

He lifts his mouth from yours and yanks down the fabric of your dress to reveal your hard nipples.

“Fuck..this is what I’ve been dying to see all night.” He latches his mouth onto your nipple, sucking hard as you hold your body up with your hands behind your back.

Your head falls back as his tongue lays flat against the hard nub then circles around it.

“Ahh..Hendery, that feels so good.”

He looks up at you through dark eyes then bites you.

You yelp and look down. 

“It’s ‘daddy’ to you.” His voice is grumbly and deep.

You nod. “Daddy, give me more please.” You look up, dewy-eyed.

Hendery sucks and pumps harder. His touch is aggressive, but you don’t want him to stop. Just as long as he was touching you.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, I could just watch you all night.” He whispers into your chest then flicks his tongue over your breast again.

He pulls the other side down now, your breast popping out like it was begging to be released from its restrictive cloth covering.

You sat there on the counter, choking back moans and tightening your legs together as he continued to suck your breasts dry.

“Daddy..please..I need you..need you in me.”

Hendery squeezes your breast harder as you squeal.

“Stand up.” He demands while walking back to a stool in the bathroom and taking his jacket off.

He sits down onto it and pats his thigh. “Show me how you’ll ride my cock.”

You walk over to him and part your legs before sitting down and facing him.

He glared at you sternly, no trace of love rests in his gaze as he watches you like a hungry animal.

“No underwear.” He clicks his tongue when he feels your bare pussy resting on his clothed thigh.

You shake your head.

“What a whore you are, I can’t wait to do whatever I want with you.”

You bite your lip and start to move back and forth, you feel your clit begin to gain satisfaction.

You press down harder and hold onto his shoulder while grinding onto his thigh.

Your chest feels weak. You feel so good as friction comforts that one spot.

“Does it feel good?” He whispers with a straight face.

“Y-yes, daddy, so good.”

“Then stand up.”

Your face contorts in confusion.

“Be a good girl and stand up.”

You reluctantly leave his thigh and stand up.

He grabs your hip with one hand and looks up at you through his lashes. He reaches under your dress with his other hand and delivers a short, sharp slap to your dripping folds.

“Ah!” You cry out, but you don’t dare move.

He runs his hand over it now, caressing it to soothe the pain.

Your breath hitches in your throat.

“Mmmm so wet, sweetheart.” He licks his lips and delivers another blow.

You would’ve fallen forward had he not been holding you with his other hand.

“You’ve been tempting me all night with this slutty dress, did you think you would escape punishment?” He growls.

And slap after slap you felt your skin getting warm, but your wetness never failing to coat his fingers.

“Please..fuck me.” You exhale after he slaps you.

“Get on your knees.” 

You get on your knees and move to a position where you can suck his cock, but he shakes his head. 

“No no no..on all fours.”

The cold tile aggravates your knees but you ignore it and focus more on the aching in between your legs.

Hendery gets on the floor behind you and flips up the bottom half of your dress so it bunches up by your waist.

He places his hands onto your breasts while grinding his bulge against your ass.

“Fuck..daddy, please.”

He watches you fidget below him, your essence coating his dress pants as you lay there and take him just like that.

Your pussy quivers each time his bulge just barely presses onto it.

You breathe heavily and moan.

“Do you think you can take me, sweetheart?” You hear him zip his pants down. A sense of relief floods your body.

“Yes.”

“Without taking my fingers first?”

“Yes, daddy.”

You can feel his tip hit your thigh. You move backwards and closer to him, just to feel him closer to you, anything to feel him.

“No, no stay still.”

He slides a condom on and watches your ass perk up in the air in anticipation. Your beautiful folds drip before him.

You gasp as he runs his tip in between them to coat it with your slick.

He smirks and grabs your waist while burying into hard and deep.

Your body falls onto the tile, you cry out loudly from the pain of him suddenly stretching you out but he wraps an arm under you and picks you up.

“I said, stay still!” He grumbles out again but his tone is harsher, darker.

Your arms shake as you hold your body up and attempt to adjust to his length.

He was both wide and long, tears escaped your eyes as he slid into your tight opening.

“So..fucking tight..especially for a whore like you.”

You bite your lips to hold back an embarrassingly loud moan.

He slides in and out quicker and pulls your head back by grabbing your hair. “Why are you crying? Is it too big for you?”

He thrusts hard, making your ass cheeks shake against his hips and your mouth fall open. He was never this rough with you, you wondered why he sounded different.

He was also bigger than usual, you thought.

“Mmmm..n-no.”

He thrusts hard again, nestling himself deep within your walls and pushing against your insides.

He then pulls out completely before giving your ass a harsh slap. You fall onto the floor and cry out.

“No, what?!”

“No, daddy!”

He flips you over onto your back just so he can see your teary face and lips swollen from you biting them.

He licks his lips and goes back to sucking your breasts like he did before, only this time, his cock is passing against your silky walls.

You feel every ridge, every vein, every twitch. 

Curse words leave your mouth as you are brought closer and closer to the edge.

He placed his hands on either side of your head and fucks into you from above while watching your breasts move with each thrust. His nails dig into your knees as he pushes them further apart, watching his long cock glide into your small opening like magic. The way you open up for him drives him crazy.

You’re so wet, he slips in and out with ease. 

“Should I let you cum?”

“Yes, daddy, please.” You licked your lips and watched the handsome man above you. He had loosened a few buttons but his hair, now free and wavy, dangled over your face.

He takes your hard nipples in between his fingers and pinches them. You arch your back and moan.

This all felt so wrong but so right. Him fucking you hard and into the new year on the bathroom floor while your father was just down stairs a few feet away. 

You came instantly, your body trembling as it clenched around him. Your eyes shut tightly, Hendery watched your jaw clenched and grabbed your chin.

“I didn’t tell you to cum, now I’ll have to go harder.” He growled out.

He fucked you hard, your back rubbing against the tile as he didn’t let up on his unforgiving thrusts.

“Too-too much, daddy.” You cried out as tears escaped your eyes again.

“That’s too fucking bad, you came without permission, so now you’re gonna take it,” he thrusted particularly hard with an emphasis on “take it.”

You moaned loudly and squirmed under him, but he held you still, his fingertips digging into your waist. You panted and cried as a burning feeling shot through your skin..

Hendery fucked you like some kind of animal with a crazy sex drive, placing your legs onto his shoulders and ripping some fabric from your expensive dress.

“Hendery! What the-“

“Shhh!! I want to see my cock fill you up, sweetheart. Want to see my little whore take all of me in.”

A smile creeped across his face.

You got up on your elbows and saw that his girthy penis really was poking through your stomach slightly.

“Fuck..so fucking good, daddy.”

Your hips started to hurt from your legs being open and spread out for so long, but Hendery didn’t care, you were all his tonight, and he was going to make sure you remembered that.

“Who were you walking home with after you left the art museum?”

Your brows furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

Why would he bring up something from a few months ago?

“The guy..I saw him take you home..what’s his name?”

He rubs your clit, making you disoriented.

“I don't know Hendery, I went home by myself that night.”

“Oh, don’t fucking lie to me, whore.” He places his hand around your throat and squeezes it.

You clench uncontrollably as your clit feels amazing with his thumb on it.

Hendery cums as you tighten around him unexpectedly. You release as well, his hand tightens even more around your throat. You see stars and shake. Your body feels weak, but Hendery doesn’t pull out or let your throat go.

He leans downward and kisses your lips.

He looks wild and different, his eyes are more intense with a red glow around them that you hadn’t seen before. He has purple and green veins bursting out from his forehead and neck also.

He chokes you while staring into your eyes and as you come down from your high, you notice that something is wrong.

He pulls his limp member out but lets it lay on your stomach.

“Tell me his fucking name!”

Your eyes grow. “Who are you talking about?!” You manage to utter out while slowly losing breath.

He lays a sloppy kiss onto your lips again then pulls away. “Do you want to know what Ten’s last words were?”

You grasped his shoulders. “Hendery, this isn’t funny.”

“Oh, but it is, sweetheart..you should’ve seen the look of terror on his face when I held the knife above his head.”

Your mouth fell open, greeting Hendery’s as he laid another kiss. You struggled to push him off of you, so you bit his lip and crawled away from him.

Hendery kneeled on the ground and held his lip. A low chuckle escapes and it’s one that is horrifying.

“But baby, we were having so much fun, why did you do that?”

“Because you’re not funny! I’m leaving!” You stumble to your feet and fix your dress over your breasts.

You rush to the door but Hendery blocks it. You cower in fear. He doesn’t look like himself at all, he looks like some kind of monster with a wild look.

“Hendery? What’s wrong with you?”

“Hendery’s not here anymore.” The deep voice laughs out.

“Let me go.” You begin to tremble.

“Hendery had his fun, I think I deserve to have fun too.”

You were so confused as this monster takes Hendery over, but you quickly devise a plan.

You grab the soap dispenser behind you and quickly hit him in the head. He snarls out in pain but you have just enough time to push past him and out of the door.

You rush down the stairs and call out for help, but then you notice that the fireworks are going off. People are laughing and sharing drinks on the rooftop together.

You turn to head back up the stairs and to the rooftop to get help, but Hendery is already making his way down with an angry look on his face.

No one is in the mansion but you..and him.

You run out of the mansion as fast as you can, hoping that you can find anyone that could help you.

You felt pain in your hips from being stretched out but you ignored it. You were terrified as you heard him bolting after you with superhuman speed.

“Help!! Help me!!” You cried out but the streets were empty, everyone was celebrating the new year as beautiful and loud fireworks lit up the sky.

You continue to run and breathe heavily, you finally create a safe distance between yourself and him so you lean against the back of a wall and wait for him to pass.

He slows down when he no longer sees you..

“Sweetheart..it’s just me and you, now. Don’t worry about him!” Hendery’s normal voice calls out.

You tremble and cry in fear, but cover your mouth as he gets closer.

“What are you talking about? I’m still here, where is the little whore?” A darker voice says.

“She’s smart, we won’t find her.” The first voice says.

You’re confused, it’s as if two people are talking to each other, but it’s just Hendery.

“I can smell her..” the darker voice says.

“No!! No!! Leave her alone!” Hendery fights himself in the street alone, he goes crazy  while yelling and throwing himself around.

“But she’s mine!”

“Mr. Hyde..please just leave me alone..” Hendery falls to his knees and sobs in the middle of the street.

“I live inside you forever, Hendery, with Satan himself by my side.”

“No!!”

And then you only hear silence.

You peak out to see if he has left but to your surprise. He’s right there beside you, his crazy eyes glaring as he smiles.

“Found ya!”

You scream and run away and into the yard of a random house, you stumble into the shed and look around for anything you can use to protect yourself.

A bat.

You take the bat and walk around the yard. 

You see Hendery walking around the house. You take in a sharp breath then run up to him fast and swing as hard as you can.

His body falls to floor limply.

You drop the bat and cover your mouth, screaming once more as you look on the body of your strange lover.

———-

[1 Month Later]

You’re starting the spring semester at college, physically. You and your father both agreed that after what happened, it would be best for you to spend some time away.

You told your father about what had happened that night the next day. He told you that Hendery had threatened him and you both came to the conclusion that Hendery was suffering from some sort of psychological disorder. One that would allow him to kidnap and murder people.

Some missing people were found in the lab’s crematory room, but evidence showed that most victims were cremated. This amount of cremation filled the air with harmful toxins, the very same toxins that Hendery’s lab was responsible for getting rid of.

It was ironic, but now your father was happy that the killer was identified.

People no longer went missing.

All cases were closed.

Except for one, however.

Hendery’s body was never found.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Three Gates - on ao3 (for content warnings check Ao3) - on tumblr: pt 1, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6, pt 7, pt 8, pt 9, pt 10, pt 11

- Chapter 12 -

The Nightless City was grand and glorious, as luxurious as Koi Tower and as tasteful as the Cloud Recesses, and Meng Yao would burn it all down in a heartbeat for the chance to return to the familiar sparse stone and metal of the Unclean Realm.

Wen Ruohan had forgiven him for murdering Wu Bixian and blowing his cover once Meng Yao had explained the circumstances, although he’d been displeased; Meng Yao had had to work his way back into his inner circle the hard way, inventing monstrous machines for him to use in his Fire Palace, where he played at treating torture the way other people viewed sport.

Meng Yao had once dreamed of torturing his enemies – initially defined as anyone who insulted his mother, but later expanded to include anyone who made a serious effort to harm Nie Mingjue and recently he had been considering an additional expansion to loop in the same for Lan Xichen – but now he realized that torture was boring and burdensome and messy, and a quick execution was clearly much more effective.

There was a lot less upkeep, for one.

A lot fewer tormented doctors as well – that poor Wen Qing would probably have never picked up her needles if she’d known this was where she was going to end up using them, that was for sure – and anyway, neither of his lovers would have approved so it was all a moot point anyway.

Possibly former lovers.

Not that they’d ever actually made it to the stage of being lovers, what with Lan Xichen’s sect rules and parental trauma, Meng Yao’s nightmares of the brothel, and Nie Mingjue’s experiences with Wen Ruohan…

Probably for the best, actually, given what Meng Yao now knew about Nie Mingjue – something that he was almost certain that Nie Mingjue did not know about himself.

A few months at Wen Ruohan’s side had certainly been enlightening on that front. As Meng Yao might’ve suspected, he treated even the people in his clan about the same as wooden furniture, useful to varying degrees but all ultimately disposable, and someone like Meng Yao, a talented retainer he’d stolen from another sect and who had no way out, made for amusing company.

Wen Ruohan had in fact heard the rumor of someone in the Nie sect being born as a yang furnace, very likely from Wu Bixian himself in an attempt to get rid of what he perceived to be a stain on the sect’s reputation, and he’d investigated, ultimately figuring out that the person in question was Nie Mingjue. A yang furnace, Meng Yao learned, was considerably rarer than a yin furnace, requiring the right horoscope and lucky (or unlucky) parentage, and was considered far more precious – people with that constitution would have an incredible talent for cultivation themselves, but would also be able to magnify, many times over, the cultivation or even cultivation potential of those with whom they engaged in dual cultivation.

The furnace’s consent in the matter was not required.

After discovering the truth, Wen Ruohan had apparently gone back and forth for some time in deciding whether to snatch him up immediately, training him up as a concubine reserved for the use of the Wen clan, but one of his more esoteric specialists had told him that the sort of intense cultivation techniques he had in mind would likely kill a child and, more importantly, that the positive effect on his own cultivation would be magnified if Nie Mingjue’s cultivation were higher when he began.

“Sect Leader Wen’s patience is admirable,” Meng Yao said with the sort of smile he’d worn when talking to the brothel owner that used to beat his mother on a regular basis just so she’d ‘remember her place’. “If only I had known..! I am not so certain I could resist such a temptation for years on end.”

Wen Ruohan laughed. “Well, I must admit I gave it a half-hearted effort a few times. The doctors did say that a few times early on wouldn’t hurt.”

By hurt he meant damage to Nie Mingjue’s ability to cultivate, or to cultivate with others, not to the lifetime of nightmares and terror that Nie Mingjue suffered as a result of his unrelenting pursuit.

“Though on that subject,” Wen Ruohan continued, a faint smile on his face, “perhaps you’d like to take a look at the room I’ve prepared for him, and let me know if you have any suggestions – anything you think he’d enjoy for the times when he’s not – in service.”

“Of course, Sect Leader Wen.”

“Naturally, if you also have any proposals regarding any of your marvelous machines…”

“Naturally, Sect Leader Wen.”

“Good,” Wen Ruohan praised. “If you please me well enough, perhaps I’ll let you take a turn once I’m done with him.”

He had other requests, too, which were even less savory – mostly storytelling, Meng Yao casting his mind back to his days at the brothel and even in desperation some of the artwork Nie Huaisang insisted on collecting to describe all sorts of scenarios for Wen Ruohan’s evident enjoyment.

Meng Yao took a bath as often as he could plausibly manage it, and still felt unclean.

(Chiwen, hidden away as best as he could in the room he’d been assigned because a Nie saber did not voluntarily enter Wen hands, screamed in his head. He hated everything about what they were doing.)

It was amazing, Meng Yao thought, how far self-deception could go: he had thought, once, that he would be able to distract and dissuade Wen Ruohan without losing anything along the way, that he could sell himself without counting the cost, and at the last he realized that his mother had been right about warning him not to get used to making deals with bad men.

Wu Bixian, too. He had thought that Wen Ruohan’s goal was domination of the cultivation world, his pursuit of Nie Mingjue only a means to get there or at best a distraction, when in fact Wen Ruohan wanted to be a god, to break through the barrier of cultivation and rise up to the heavens, and he believed that Nie Mingjue could get him there.

And yet Wen Ruohan, too, was deceived – he thought that everything in the world was meaningless grist to that great ambition’s mill, thought that everything he did was for power and power only. And yet there was the great care and attention with which he had filled the prison room in the Nightless City with all the things Nie Mingjue liked, things that he’d figured out from casual mentions in discussion conferences, the fascination in his eyes when Meng Yao told him stories that were sometimes so very boring and mundane, the casual way he dismissed even his own heir’s death at Nie Mingjue’s hands…

Perhaps the interest had been merely practical once, but it certainly was no longer.

At least the war was going well.

Not much else was.

His letters with Wen Ruohan had been belatedly discovered and publicized, his betrayal becoming widely known – Wen Ruohan deliberately cutting off Meng Yao’s route of return, no doubt. The fact that it was a good move, and one Meng Yao would have done if he were in his place, did not make it any easier to swallow.

He had always assumed he would be there to explain the letters to Nie Mingjue.

He’d said so many cruel things in those letters over the years, hurtful things, things he didn’t believe but thought that Wen Ruohan would like to hear – things about Lao Nie, about Nie Mingjue, about Baxia, about Nie Huaisang…disdainful, wretched things, lies that had flowed so easily out of his brush when he’d thought it was all a game.

He didn’t want to think about Nie Mingjue hearing them – seeing them – reading them –

He didn’t want Nie Mingjue to think that was how he really felt.

Some days, in the middle of the night in the too-brightly-lit core of the Nightless City, Meng Yao put his head in his hands and felt the prickle of tears in his eyes. He should have known better, he thought. He shouldn’t have tried to take it all on his own shoulders; he shouldn’t have assumed he’d be able to explain, that he could swear on Chiwen that his motives were pure and that all would be easily forgiven; he should have told Nie Mingjue what he was doing early on so that it would not come to him as a surprise –

He should not have repeated his mother’s mistake from all those years ago.

(“They don’t trust us!” Lao Nie had shouted, his voice still audible behind those stone walls, and Nie Mingjue had gone silent, the words hitting their mark and leaving a wound, before he’d started arguing once again.)

Meng Yao had originally planned on having both Nie Mingjue and Lan Xichen act as his contacts during the war, but instead for his sins he got stone-faced Lan Wangji and, eventually, red-eyed Wei Wuxian, who was clearly still deeply shaken by the near-destruction of the Lotus Pier and how close he had come to losing everyone he loved.

(Meng Yao killed time in between boring torture, nauseating dinners with Wen Ruohan, and interacting with his two contacts in trying to figure out how to get said contacts to confess their obvious attraction to each other without ever actually telling them to their face that they were being idiots.

How anyone had ever compared him to Wei Wuxian – citing their status as fatherless children being raised by sect leaders alongside their heirs – he honestly did not know; the boy had a genius for cultivating and the arrogance to go with it, but simply no common sense whatsoever. Meng Yao was his exact opposite.)

They had both briefly been guests of the Wen sect, brought in by the same invitation that had been forcefully extended to Nie Huaisang; once they were there, they were given to Wen Chao to lead and reshape. Obviously that went about as badly as anyone could imagine, Wen Chao being what he was.

Nie Huaisang had been there too, of course, and Meng Yao hadn’t dared go anywhere near him. It wasn’t that he doubted his own acting abilities, or Nie Huaisang’s for that matter, but rather his own perception. Nie Huaisang was a very good liar, and if Meng Yao got it into his head that his own blood brother didn’t believe him, he might very well fall apart.

So he didn’t go.

That turned out to be a mistake.

Apparently, not showing up was seen as some sort – admission of guilt, perhaps, because the second Nie Huaisang returned to the Unclean Realm, things started going very badly indeed. Many of his old contacts stopped talking to him or even disappeared, even the ones he would have sworn Nie Huaisang had no knowledge of, and he didn’t even want to think about how many of his plans ran into obstacles that had nothing to do with luck and had everything to do with Nie Huaisang’s Nie temper.

Meng Yao only hoped that the cause of the temper tantrum was his failure to apologize for not letting Nie Huaisang properly into his schemes, and not that Nie Huaisang thought –

Surely Nie Huaisang would have said something to Wei Wuxian or Lan Wangji if he didn’t believe Meng Yao to be trustworthy? They were peers, had been schoolmates, and a few months together was more than enough time for Nie Huaisang to get the measure of them – he had to know what they were doing on his behalf, surely, and he hadn’t stopped them, so…

Sometimes Meng Yao thought that his circular rationalizations would drive him mad, long before anything else about this horrible life of his did.

(He also thought, sometimes, about how his mother would feel – how she did feel – about what he was doing, and whether she approved or not. He usually tried to stop thinking about it as soon as possible.)

At any rate, the sect heirs had all escaped after some unfortunate encounter with a corrupted Xuanwu that made Meng Yao twitch in fear when he belatedly learned about it, and soon after that the war began in earnest.

The Nie sect took Heijian, as had always been the plan; the Wen sect’s cultivators threw themselves against their iron wall without any success and even some heavy losses, especially whenever Nie Mingjue himself there to lead battles. The Lan sect was scattered after the burning of the Cloud Recesses, but Lan Wangji’s early warning had preserved more of their lives than might have otherwise been accounted for – the attack on the Lotus Pier had been similarly blunted through timely advice, although Jiang Fengmian’s stubborn refusal to take immediate action had resulted in injuries, some rather serious.

Two major attacks, in under a year – the rest of the cultivation world was alarmed. A sizeable number chosen to give in at once, while others opted to join the opposing forces, and war was everywhere.

Meng Yao had hoped that his information would be enough to tip the balance, that he could play the same role he’d played against Wen Ruohan in the past – acting as an interruption, but never quite tipping his hand. Never pushing for the real reward, taking the big risk…

The war dragged on.

There were some close calls – some difficult battles. People were dying on both sides. Several times there were reports of terrible injury to key people; the death of someone he loved was only a matter of time.

It seemed that he didn’t have a choice but to take more dramatic action.

Evil, Chiwen screamed in his mind, just as he had every day since Meng Yao had arrived at this horrible place. Kill it!

Meng Yao wished it was so easy.

“Do you mind if I borrow your brother?” he asked Wen Qing, who glared at him but accepted the jar of wine he offered her. “Just for a while.”

“None of your machines,” she said at once. He couldn’t blame her.

“No machines,” he agreed. “I need a courier.”

She paused, then put the wine down. “Out of the Nightless City? Safely?”

He smiled.

Wen Ning was delighted to see Wei Wuxian, and the feeling was decidedly mutual – Meng Yao had picked Wen Ning in part because of the extraordinary initiative he had taken at the Lotus Pier, initiative that made the entire Jiang clan quite fond of him – and Wei Wuxian happily agreed to smuggle Wen Ning out of Qishan to deliver a private message.

“Make sure he gets to Lan Xichen,” Meng Yao instructed. “A message can be compromised or lost – a person, not so easily.”

“I’ll do my best,” Wei Wuxian said, and almost looked approving, like he thought that Meng Yao was doing this to save Wen Ning from the worst of the war.

He had no idea what Meng Yao was doing.

“Wei Wuxian,” Meng Yao said when they were about to leave. “What does Lan Xichen say about me?”

A blink, there and gone. “He fears for your safety, and hopes you are well.”

“And – Nie Mingjue?”

He didn’t bother asking about Nie Huaisang. If his brother didn’t want someone to know how he felt, no one would ever have the slightest clue.

Wei Wuxian hesitated, and Meng Yao waited, and in the end Wei Wuxian finally said, “I don’t think I’ve heard him say anything about you at all.”

Meng Yao nodded. It was no less than he’d expected, for all that it felt as if his heart were shattering. “Thank you. Please go.”

Wei Wuxian would take Wen Ning to Lan Xichen, and Lan Xichen would believe the words of a person more than he believed a letter – it was his nature to do so, especially when that person was as serious and earnest as Wen Ning, who seemed so trustworthy and who would never knowingly tell a lie.

But a person who would never knowingly tell a lie could still be made to carry one, and so Lan Xichen would listen to Wen Ning, and he would take what Wen Ning told him to Nie Mingjue, and Nie Mingjue – who might have questioned information brought by Wen Ning but who would never question Lan Xichen, the way he had previously never questioned Meng Yao – Nie Mingjue would listen, and believe, and act on that belief.

He would go to Yangquang –

And Wen Ruohan would be waiting for him.

Sometimes Meng Yao hated himself.

[breakingsomething]

What about 26 with Schneep or Jackie and someone else?

trigger warnings: scars

his hands are shaking.

they haven't stopped shaking in months. not since that fucking bastard had taken him away. henrik had always has steady hands - he was training to be a fucking heart surgeon, for fuck's sake. he hadn't even had time to use his license before everything had happened. what is he going to do now?

he just keeps looking at them. his hands are pale, thin, covered in white scars that are barely visible unless you really look at them. so many scars. not just on his hands, either; he's fucking covered in them, what feels like every inch of his body coated in marks of varying degrees of visibility. some dull and faded, some raised and pink. they feel like bugs crawling over his skin. he sobs and digs his nails into his arm, wanting to tear his skin off if only to get rid of this disgusting feeling.

a knock on his bedroom door. "hey, uh, hen? are you there?"

it's chase, his soft american accent distinct from the other two's irish. he sits up, quickly forcing down his rising panic attack and wiping tears from his eyes before they can fall. he has to stay calm for chase. for chase. for his brother, his friend, who's dealing with enough already without henrik's problems added to the plate. "yes, i'm here," he replies, proud of how steady he's keeping his voice. "what's wrong?"

the door suddenly creaks as chase pushes it slowly open, making henrik startle with the sound. chase peeks his head in, coming round the door with a worried smile plastered on his face. he's wearing his hair down for the first time henrik's seen in months, messy blonde curls barely brushing his shoulders. "hey. you've, uh, been in your room basically all day. what's up?"

henrik glares at the ground. "it's nothing. i have been… doing work."

chase plops down next to henrik. "from your bed? with your laptop and phone in an entirely different room?"

he looks away, not wanting to see his brother's face. "yes. but i'm going to bed now. goodnight."

he shoves chase's arm, and chase laughs. "you think i'm a dumbass, doctor schneeplestein? like you'd ever willingly go to bed without passing out first." henrik can feel him staring at him. "i think you're trying to get rid of me."

henrik doesn't say anything, because there's a lump in his throat blocking his words. he squeezes his eyes shut so he doesn't have to look at his trembling hands balled up on his lap.

"henny? i'm - oh, oh shit, don't cry, i'm sorry, i - did i upset you? shit, dude, i didn't mean -"

"not your fault," henrik chokes out. he rubs his palms into his eyes, furious with himself. "his fault. anti. not you." he lets out a pathetic sob. "i am supposed to be a doctor! i am supposed to save people, but that bastard - he took - he took everything!"

he covers his face, shoulders shaking as he cries, embarrassment filling him as he becomes ever more aware of chase's presence. he sniffles, turning away. "i'm supposed to be better than this."

"henrik," chase says softly. he takes one of henrik's hands from his face and holds it tightly in both of his. "you can't always be the one to - i mean, you save everyone, but who saves you?"

he chuckles softly, pulling henrik in for a hug. henrik doesn't pull away. just lets his brother hold him.

"he won't hurt you again," chase murmurs against his shoulder. "he'll never hurt any of us again."

[embeth82]

Living With My 3 Best Friends - Fibromyalgia, Autism & Osteoarthritis

My Journey of Discovery

Written by Emma E. Threlfall

Although I was born with Autism or Aspergers (ASD-1) to be specific my journey of discovery along with that of Osteoarthritis (OA) and Fibromyalgia (FMS) didn’t really begin until my late twenties, early thirties. Around the age of 28 I began to show various and strange symptoms which I now know to all be a part of my Fibromyalgia Syndrome. At the time when they first began rearing their ugly heads they were so vast and varied I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. Let me list them for you here:

Hot flushes

Night sweats

Major fatigue

Swollen / Sore Lymph Nodes in my neck, behind my ears, armpits and even in my lower back (which is not pleasant as reminds me of the feeling when you wind yourself, if you’ve ever fallen on you’ll back you’ll know what I mean)

Headaches

Stiffness

Temperature dysregulation, once I get really cold I can’t warm up for hours and same for heat takes longer to cool my body down

Dull aches all over my body

Muscle cramps, anywhere on my body but mostly in my jaw and eyes

Skin sensitivity

Easily dehydrated - can cause headaches for days

Urinary frequency

IBS issues - constipation, diarrhea, colon cramps, back stomach aches, trapped wind

Poor short term memory

Word blindness - completely forgetting what I say as I’ve been saying it - loosing train of thought mid sentence and being completely to remember really simple words when you’re trying to say something (super annoying, and not the greatest during job interviews)

*Plus a load I’ve probably left out

It took me 5 or 6 years of various doctors visits, a hospital visit, an unnecessary laparoscopic surgery, a change of doctors surgeries, numerous blood tests, urine tests and finally going to a different doctor and bam I get a diagnosis after about 10 minutes in the consultation. The weight I felt lifting off me and just the fact that my now new doctor could just say ‘it sounds like Fibromyalgia’ (and just bare in mind there is no test for Fibromyalgia) was amazing.It then took me a few attempts but about a year or so ago my doctor put me on a medication (a controlled drug in the UK) that is actually an anti seizure drug but also has anti anxiety as well as anti neuropathic pain properties I take 100mg twice a day and I no longer have the pain I once had and it has helped so much with my fatigue which was just crippling. However this doesn’t mean I’m completely pain free I still get frequent headaches usually with my monthlys and also if I get stressed in the least little bit it can cause me to have a Fibro Flare with various symptoms of varying degrees. Fun or what?

At the same time all this was going on I was also starting with back pain, sciatic pain going down the backs of my legs a clicking in my back, and the tightest hamstrings in the world. I went for an X-ray and was told over the phone by the receptionist that I had ‘a little bit of osteoarthritis’ and that was that. I think at the time I was offered paracetamol for the pain, which of course did nothing.

So where does the Aspergers come into the fray, well like I mentioned early you are born with Autism and whilst growing up I of course I knew I was different but it wasn’t until I reached my teenage years that I really realised that I truly did have problems. I will list a few here:

Not being able to deal with change

Being a very anxious child / constantly worrying if somewhere I’m not familiar with

Can’t deal with confrontation or being told off

Prefer living in my fantasy world than living in the real world

Watching my favourite show or films on a a constant loop 

Not quite comprehending what my peers were talking about

Feeling the need to copy my peers to make sure I fitted in / constantly feeling like an outsider

Being sensitive to the extreme causing me to go into meltdowns

Getting easily overwhelmed 

Having depression and anxiety since being a teenager

Having few to no friends / finding it extremely difficult to make friends

Having extreme curiosity / always asking questions needing to know the how where, when and why

Not being able to ask for help at school or work

Not getting jokes / not knowing if people I don’t know well too well are using sarcasm or not

Mumbling when I talk with people I don’t know very well / laughing too loudly and not realising it until other people point it out.

Completely missing the point of homework (this may have something more to do with having a touch of dyslexia, as many people with Autism have)

Having major Social Anxiety / OCD and Agoraphobia 

*Again there is probably many more things that I’ve left out. 

However it wasn’t until I was 34 years of age that taking it upon myself and because the NHS was unable to (because of a postcode lottery) I paid £500 to get a private diagnosis of Autism, and having that confirmation just made everything, not easier but a hell of a lot clearer.

Why you might think am I writing about all three diagnoses here but its not just because I live with all three of them but because I believe that having Autism is the reason I now have to deal with OA and FMS, more on that to come in upcoming posts.

Just hope this blog helps shine a light on one or all three of these conditions for people. Just to note also these are things I’ve experienced so it may be slightly different for other people with these conditions as they can be as individual as the person who has them, so I’m purely writing this from my perspective, what I’ve encountered and come up against.

My journey is far from over and I’m discovering new things about my conditions all the time. For example I now also have to deal with Non-allergic Rhinitis, which believe it or not was making my Eustachian Tube in my in ear swell, that probably along with my TMJ (damaged jaw, but that’s another story), leading to me being a decibel or two deafer. I now have a steroid spray to reduce the inflammation - and it works I’m not as hard of hearing when I use that - awesome! Sorry just thought that was interesting but I digress. The point is where I am now at the moment I’m at my most equilibrium I’ve ever been at in my life, but that’s not to say a major life stressor could not really knock me off course and I am very aware of that and constantly try and find ways to keep myself calm on a day to day basis - again more of that in future posts. What I’m trying to say is getting a diagnosis is not a destination, there will never be a magic pill that gets rid of all your ills; having a conditions is like being on a continual journey of learning and discovery, educating and coping but where these type of conditions can feel like a life sentence, but they don’t have to.

[ialwayscomewhenyoucall]

A Wolf at Her Heels

Chapter 9/10

ten x rose

This is the story of Rose Tyler.

Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth, hopping through endless dimensions to find her Doctor. We all know how the original story ended.

This one ends differently.

In this story, Rose has a little help from her friends, and from a Wolf.

**A Journey’s End fix-it, because sometimes I want a happily ever after**

Chapter 9 - The Wolf and the Doctor

(The Tenth Doctor) (again)

She stands in the war-torn road, staring at the beacon of hope that is the TARDIS, grinning like a kid on Christmas morning. Finding Donna, navigating the alternate timeline, working with this Earth’s Torchwood--all of it led Rose right here, to this moment, to her Doctor. She can barely contain her nervous energy; this is her Doctor, and this is the right time, and she is never, ever going to leave him again.

And then, in the midst of her euphoria, she hears the Doctor again.

When you find me--the earlier, skinnier me--run fast. Fast as you can. Drop whatever you’re carrying and run.

She nearly screams. How could she get so caught up in her excitement she’d nearly forgotten everything she’s been repeating in her head over and over for the past several months? And look, she actually is carrying something this time: the giant gun they’d given her to protect herself from the daleks. It’s come in handy, but she trusts the Doctor; she throws it to the ground and runs, sprints, towards the TARDIS.

There he is. The Doctor. Her Doctor. Tears threaten to form in her eyes but she banishes them at once; now is not the time. Later she can hold him and let everything go; now she has to run. He’s running too, grinning and running like a mad fool, and the love between them is nearly visible--a sparking, electric, living thing.

It’s when she sees the dalek that she understands everything.

. + . + . + . + .

Rose opens her eyes, then immediately shuts them again. It should not be daylight. It was only a breath ago she was on a dark street, sprinting toward the Doctor, and now she’s collapsed…

She feels sand under her hands.

Is she really on a beach?

Of course she is. And she knows without looking she’s on Bad Wolf Bay.

You aren’t actually here, you know. You’re still running toward the Doctor, toward love, toward death. But we couldn’t have a conversation there, so I brought part of you here. Don’t worry, you’ll go back the moment you left. It’s only a little sideways slip in time.

The voice has the same awesome power as before, but there is no pain this time.

“How come your voice doesn’t hurt me anymore?” Rose asks, still staring at the sand.

It wouldn’t have hurt you before, but you were too overwhelmed to understand. Now you do.

Wondering how she can be so weary when this isn’t her true body, Rose pulls herself to her feet. She closes her eyes for a moment, gathering herself, then turns to face the Wolf.

She’s not at all surprised to see, not a wolf, but herself.

“I’ve been changing from the beginning, haven’t I. That’s why I can feel time pass, why I can sense the TARDIS with my mind, why I know just by breathing if I’m on my Earth or Pete’s World. It’s not from all the time travel or the dimension cannon. It was you.” Her voice is flat. It isn’t a question.

Yes.

“I could probably do all this stuff before, I just didn’t notice. Too caught up in the Doctor.”

The Wolf just looks at her, unblinking.

“All this time, I’ve felt you chasing at my heels, following me through time, dropping clues about my future and what I’m supposed to do. But really you were...inside me?” Rose isn’t sure how she feels about that.

No!

The answer is emphatic and immediate. Rose winces at the force of the word, but still there is no pain.

No, Rose. You are you and I am me. I exist outside of time, and within the vortex, and everywhere at once. I didn’t leave a part of myself in you, I only changed you. I didn’t mean to, but it seems to be a good thing for the universe. Our paths are crossing now, but you are still Rose Tyler, defender of the Earth, and I am still Bad Wolf. Yes?

Rose exhales, relieved. “Yes.” Then she bites her lip. “But. Before you took me away, I understood. I saw what needs to happen. To save the Doctor, I have to...die.” A tear drops from her eye and traces down her cheek.

Yes.

Rose nods, resolute. “Alright.”

Try to remember everything, Rose. Be fast. Be brave. Be you.

If she didn’t know better, she might almost say the Wolf’s voice had...softened.

They still stand face to face, but Rose can feel herself leaving, going back to her body and her Doctor. “I have so many questions!” she cries, her voice rising in near panic. She is brave, but her stomach has turned to ice thinking about what she must face. If only she could have a few moments more.

Just remember.

The voice is distant now.

And run. In a few moments you’ll be in your Doctor’s arms.

. + . + . + . + .

...not far now…

...been waiting for you…

...don’t be afraid…

...good to see you…

...see something in you…

...going to be okay…

...listen for the Wolf…

...I love you too, Rose…

...going to be okay…

The voices of the Doctor tumble through her mind as she sprints. She’s taken by surprise when she realizes that her legs are more than human as well, and she hasn’t been using them to their full potential either. She puts on a burst of speed, grinning. The Doctor’s eyes widen with his own surprise; she can’t wait to explain everything to him. She nearly stumbles when she remembers--if she’s successful, she won’t be around to explain.

It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t. The Doctor is what matters.

All of this takes just over two seconds.

The dalek screams “Exterminate!” and the Doctor shouts “Rose!” and the two voices could not be more different. Rose leaps at the Doctor and they crash together, her momentum sending them tumbling, and she just has time to think, I made it, I did it, I was fast enough to beat the dalek, when it fires and her back screams in an agony of white hot pain.

. + . + . + . + .

Rose hears voices as if from under water.

“Help me lay her down, Doctor!” That sounds like Jack.

“Rose! Rose, open your eyes! Don’t die, Rose. You can’t, I’ve just got you back. Please, Rose. Please.” That’s the Doctor, his voice in anguish. She can feel his arms around her, his tears on her cheeks.

Rose tries to tell him she’s not dead, that she can hear him, but she can’t seem to make her mouth work. So she just listens.

“Doctor, we saw the flash of her skeleton. A human can’t survive dalek weapons, you know that. You need to say goodbye.” That’s Donna, quiet, sad. She’s comforting him, a true friend.

“I can’t Donna! I just,” his voice breaks, and Rose can hear Donna’s arm wrap around his shoulders as he sobs, “I just got her back. And I never told her I love her. She knows, I know she knows, she has to know, you do know, don’t you, Rose?”

Yes, she shouts, sobs, but she knows it’s only in her mind.

She’s trying so hard to reach out to him in any way she can, to ease his pain, to return his love, that at first she doesn’t notice the pain building up in her body. It starts in her center, a glowing ball of agony, and spreads to every nerve, every cell, until it feels like every bit of her is on fire, splitting apart into a billion, billion pieces.

So this is what it feels like to die, she thinks. And then, I’m glad I’m with you, Doctor.

. + . + . + . + .

Rose sits up and opens her eyes.

The Doctor, Donna, and Jack all stare back at her with varying degrees of shock and astonishment on their faces.

She wiggles her toes, blinks her eyes, wrinkles her nose.

“How is this possible?” she says. “I died.”

“Not exactly,” says Jack, drawing out the words. “Doctor, that looked like--”

“Regeneration energy, I know,” interrupts the Doctor. “But that’s impossible.”

Rose claps her hands over her mouth. Regeneration? Bad Wolf said she’d changed, but regeneration?

“But I still sound like me,” Rose says, trembling slightly. “Do I still look like me?” She’s afraid to hear the answer.

The Doctor smiles and takes her hand. “You look just like Rose Tyler, I promise. But your body is new. Look,” he says, running a finger over the back of her wrist. “Remember that scar you got when we went rock climbing on on Chakbo 7? It’s gone.”

He’s right, her skin is completely clear, even if her hands and arms look just the same.

“I could use a bit of that,” quips Donna. “Got a few scars I’d like to be rid of.”

Rose shudders. “Trust me, you don’t want it.” She looks into the Doctor’s eyes. “How come you never told me it hurts?”

He runs a hand through his hair, grabs the back of his neck. “Didn’t want to worry you.”

She sighs. “It was Bad Wolf. She told me--just before the dalek shot me--that I’ve been changin’ ever since I looked into the heart of the TARDIS, but she never realized how much. I am intimately aware of the passage of time, I can sense a few things about where I am in the multiverse without instruments, a few other things...and apparently I can regenerate. Even I didn’t know that one. I don’t think she did either. Or maybe…” She trails off, remembering…

It’s going to be okay. And you won’t have to go through it alone. I promise.

“Actually, I think maybe she did.” She smiles. “Guess maybe she wanted it to be a surprise. Or maybe she wanted me to figure it out on my own. She was a bit mysterious.”

She looks at the Doctor. “You’re being awfully quiet.” She squeezes his hand. “I don’t really understand this, you know. I hope you’ll help me figure it out. I’m not even sure what I am anymore.” Will you still love this new thing that is me?

The Doctor takes her face in his hands. “You’re Rose Tyler, defender of the Earth, and I’m never, ever letting you go again. The rest,” he shrugs, then grins. “We’ll figure it out together.”

She grins back. “Better with two, yeah?”

“Oh yes.”

He presses a soft kiss to her lips, and for the second time in one day she can feel every cell in her body. This time she feels like she could float away with happiness.

“I love you, Doctor,” she says.

“I love you too, Rose Tyler,” he says. No hesitation this time, only a brilliant smile.

“I do hate to interrupt,” says Jack, “but there’s the dalek threat looming out there. Just thought maybe we’d like to take care of that sometime today. If it’s not too much trouble for you two.”

“For the Doctor and Rose, together in the TARDIS? Not to mention the brilliant Donna Noble and the valliant Captain Jack, and all the rest of our family scattered all over this world? Piece of cake. We’ll whip these daleks into shape, get the earth back to where it belongs, and ride off into the sunset.”

And that is, of course, exactly what they do.

_____

@doctorroseprompts

[im-a-goner--foryou]

Prompt from anon: I need something sad. Tony is older and him and Pete has been together for a few years now, Tony slowly starts showing signs of Alzheimer’s (let’s say he’s in his late 50’s, early 60’s) and it starts off small like forgetting where he put the remote or where he is when he wakes up. Then it starts getting worse like forgetting Peter’s name or forgetting who he was and it finally reaches the point where Tony doesn’t even remember what he looks like or that he’s even married to Peter. Whoop.

((fff this was supposed to be short but I got carried away and now there's a full page of shit i wrote in the middle of a depressive episode sorry))

Read it here on Ao3

They say time is a silent killer, that it creeps up so unsuspecting, until the devastating effects of it come to light.

There is no denying it-- Tony is getting old. Yes, he's Tony Stark, the enigmatic brilliant inventor who became so much more than a weapons producer, who made himself more than the title of 'Howard Stark's son'. But he's human, and time waits for no one. Peter's attentive eyes don't miss the first beginnings of grey hair sprouting from Tony's scalp, highlighting sections of his normally chocolate-brown curls. They were barely noticeable at first, only visible when Peter's curled up on the bed beside the older man, chin nestled on Tony's steadily rising and falling chest, moonlight spilling though the fluttering curtains; but as time grew on Tony's hair grew predominantly silver-white, the scratchy stubble of his goatee becoming a pepper grey. (Peter finds out only much later that Tony's been greying since he hit his forties, but has always been careful in dyeing his hair monthly to hide his ageing.) The crinkles of Tony's smiling eyes grew deeper, the stress lines on his face becoming harder. The seemingly-constant dark bags under his eyes gave him a tired, distinguished look. (Tony would lightly tease that they were the result the many countless nights spent worrying over the young crime-fighting teen.)

But most of all, along with his health, Tony's memory deteriorated. He's at the deeper end of fifty, and still his ingenuity never catches a break; he's still actively inventing, creating pieces that still cease to shock and impress the world. His brilliant mind is seemingly still at its peak-- so it's a shock for the both of them when the older man starts displaying signs of dementia. Simple, unforgettable events like forgetting where Tony had placed his wrench, when it was on the worktable as usual; or important information slipping from his mind, showing up late to business meetings not-on-purpose. The rest of the Avengers lose their patience with his absent-mindedness fairly quickly, rolling their eyes or greeting him with pursed lips as he misses yet another mission debrief.

Peter slips out of a particularly stressful briefing-- where everyone had been shooting reproachful glances at Tony's- empty- assigned seat for the entirety of it-- to retreat to the lab, where he finds Tony bent over the most recent project. He looks up with bleary eyes as the boy enters, a small smile on his tired face that Peter easily returns; it quickly slips, though, as soon as he notices how Peter is still in his spider suit.

"Oh god. I missed it again, didn't I," Tony states rather than questions, mouth set into a frown as Peter crosses over to him and gently brushes back his sweat-matted hair.

"It was nothing important anyways," Peter attempts to reassure, but pauses as he takes in the pained look in the other's eyes. "What? What is it?"

A shaky hand reaches up to cup his cheek, and he instinctively leans into the warm touch, gaze never wavering. He watches the Adam's apple in Tony's throat bob, catches the flash of desperation across the man's face, hears the shuddering intake of breath; then Tony retreats back behind sealed -off walls yet again. "You can tell me," Peter pleads then, his won hand flying up to keep Tony's arm there. "Please."

It's a disease. Early Onset Alzheimer's, is what's typed across the medical report. The bold words blur across the page, shaky and unclear, until Peter realises that he's trembling all over and hot tears are welling up in his eyes. He blinks them away furiously, suppressing the shuddering gasps threatening to escape his chest, until a teardrop slips traitiorously down his cheek and lands with a splat on the paper. Then he's being wrapped up in strong familiar arms, held tight and close as Tony steadies him, answering his gaspy sobs with soft murmurs.

It's not even Peter who's sick.

It's majorly unfair. They say life's unfair, but there's always varying degrees, isn't there? From missing a bus to not winning the lottery to seeing your parents leave one night and saying you'll see them tomorrow, and then you wake up the next day and they're gone and you never really got to say goodbye.

Tony doesn't deserve this. Hasn't he suffered enough?

Hasn't Peter suffered enough?

The disease consumes Tony painfully slow, every moment torturous. Every symptom on the doctor's checklist displays itself, one by one. Memory loss. Language problems. Changes in personality. Difficulty organising and expressing thoughts. This last one understandably hits home the hardest to the inventor; sometimes Tony will pause in his work momentarily, a far-off look in his eyes, brows furrowed in concentration, until he'll fling his worktools to the ground and let out a scream of frustration.

"It's not working," Tony snarls, sinking heavy onto the chair, burying his calloused hands into the grey mess of his hair. "It's not- fucking, I can't get it to work!"

"It's okay. It's alright, Tony."

"I can't do it. Can't. Don't know how, I don't know."

"That's fine, you'll get it soon enough. You always do," Peter pleads, holding the man's hands in his and running his thumb along the lines of his wrist in what he hopes are placating motions. He sees more than feels the muscles in Tony's back and arms clench and shudder, and braces himself just in time for the man's outburst.

"Well, not anymore, can I?" Tony spits, practically shoving him off, eyes alight with fire, replacing the usual dull shadow of his pupils nowadays. "Because I'm fucking, fucking sick and this disease is slowly eating up my brain, and soon I'll be worthless," Tony yells. "Because if I can't invent things then what good am I? I'll be nothing!"

Peter steps back, tripping over his own feet, tears once again blurring his vision and Tony's twisted, almost unrecognizable face; he turns and runs away from him, crying and stumbling to his room, burying his face into the pillows and screaming out all of the painful emotions swelling deep in him, uncontrollable sobs so loud and violent he thinks his chest's about to explode.

There's treatments, of course, cures and claims of all sorts to rid the human brain of this disease; empty promises that Peter can't help but believe everytime, if only to experience the blinding exhilaration of hope, for something to temporarily relieve the pressure unfurling in his chest. And then they go to the most expensive medical experts money can buy, only for the doctors and professionals to stare across examination tables with pity in their eyes as they tell Peter that there's no real cure, only the slowing of the diseases' inevitable progression.

We'll try their best, they all promise grimly, every single time-- more for Peter's sake rather than Tony's now.

"What the fuck?!" Tony exclaims, and Peter immediately drops the bottles of pills in his hands to rush to the kitchen, heart slamming erratically against his ribcage, bracing himself for the worst. He's greeted with the sight of Tony standing amongst the shattered remnants of a mug, fists clenched by his side, jaw set as he stares right at a terrified-looking Steve. His eyes dart around wildly before landing on Peter, and he looks a breath short of hyperventilating. "Dear," Peter tries consoling, but he's cut off by Tony.

"What are you doing here? Why, why-" Tony's face is ashen as he stares at the Captain, clearly gripped by blind panic. "Who...?"

"That's Steve," Peter steps over to him carefully so as not to spook the man, his movements slow and in Tony's direct line of gaze. Gently he reaches out to lay a light hand on Tony's arm, ignoring the stab of hurt he feels when Tony yanks away from his grip. "It's Captain America. Steve, he's staying over this week."

A scoff. "Captain America is dead."

Peter flicks a pointed gaze to Steve, who lowers his head and slips away silently, leaving the two of them in the kitchen. Tony's more confused than anything now, all the anger gone. He looks tired. When Peter hesitantly brushes a shard of glass off Tony's wrist he doesn't flinch away this time.

"He's an Avenger, remember?" He says softly. "We all are. Well, were, I guess. At one point in time. You, too."

Tony's expression doesn't change. "I'm not anything like him."

"Well, you're Iron Man."

There's a pregnant pause, and a spike of blind fear shoots through Peter. No, no... Tony frowns, then looks up at him. Confused chocolate-brown eyes meet his, and Peter's worst suspicions are confirmed. "I don't know... I'm not. That. I'm-- uh, I don't know," Tony repeats, defeated. He looks apologetic as he stares down at Peter with soft eyes, as though he's aware that something's wrong but not really sure what exactly it is. The lump in Peter's throat grows larger, threatening to choke him; he has to say something.

"You're Tony Stark," Peter states quietly at last, and once he starts he can't stop, the words falling from his mouth in an endless flow. "You're in inventor. You're a hero. You're an engineer. You're Iron Man, an Avenger. You're smart-- absolutely brilliant, you're a genius and yeah you can get a little bit crappy at times but you're still the sweetest, most caring person I've ever met, and you're--"

"...Your husband," Tony interjects quietly then, startling the younger man to a stop with just those two soft words. He meets Tony's uncertain gaze. "I mean, I'm your- like. We're married, right?" he says, hesitant, almost shyly; and Peter's smiling, his lips stretching so wide it hurts and his heart's aflutter in his stomach-- he feels the exact same emotion he did all those years ago, when they shared their vows. He's crying again, he notes absently, tears slipping and falling onto his quivering lips. Nodding wordlessly, he sees Tony's face break into the same dazzling smile he's so maddeningly in love with.

"We're married? Damn, almost can't believe it. You're a real catch." He whistles, then reaches up to gently brush the hot wet tears from Peter's face. His eyes are positively sparkling now. "I'm so lucky," Tony murmurs, and Peter laughs joyously before kissing his husband slow and deep-- and just for that moment, the world was okay again; at that very moment, Peter realises that they'll be okay.

  It's been eight years since the diagnosis; eight years since Peter began this long goodbye. The pills do their job, they drag out the process of Tony's illness. Some days the man will be fine, his old usual self; he'll talk about the team, or go on about thermonuclear astrophysics, the both of them sitting across a table and bantering with each other-- days when Peter will capture every single moment into his memory. And then there are other days, where Tony will refuse to talk to him, facing the wall with a blank unreadable stare, and any sort of pleading Peter will try are futile. There are days when he'll lash out, unable to control his emotions as he punches the wall repeatedly, leaving his knuckles bloody; when he'll look at Peter as though... as though he doesn't remember him. Which, no matter how painful that fact is to accept, is inevitable. Tony barely remembers who he is anymore. Why would he remember Peter?

  Peter comes home late from work one day  to find Tony not in bed, instead tinkering away at something in their workshop. He looks calm, at ease; and Peter almost doesn't want to disturb him. With an affectionate roll of his eyes, he goes up to the man, so preoccupied with his work he doesn't notice Peter coming over. 

  "What're you making?" Tony jumps at his voice, very nearly falling out of his seat, and huffs in response to Peter's soft giggle. 

  "How many times have I told you to not creep up on your old man?" He chastises not unkindly, shooting a playful glare at Peter. "You're gonna give me a cardiac arrest one day, sweetheart."

   "Sorry. Can I sit?" Tony scoots over so that Peter can slide into the bench beside him, catching his curious gaze at the messy papers; he slides them closer to him, offering a blueprint. "See, it's for your suit. Adjustments.... new upgrades, and all that."

  Peter scans over the designs, leaning into the warmth of Tony's side, then glances up at him. "Just like old times, huh?" he carefully examines Tony's scribbled notes at the side and adds softly, "these are great. The improvements are amazing, Tony. I didn't even know we needed them."

  Tony shrugs good naturedly. "Guess I still have it in me."

  "You certainly do."

  Tony smiles tiredly in response, sighing as Peter pecks him lightly on the lips before nuzzling into his chest, resting his head on his shoulder. A hand reaches up to gently smooth his curls back, just like all those years ago when they'll cuddle on the couch and Peter will fall asleep to the soft caress of Tony's familiar touch.

  "I love you, Tony," he whispers. I'm not ready to say goodbye, he adds silently to himself. "I just... no matter what happens, I'll still be here. For you." Peter swallows, chokes out the next words; his voice cracks. "Don't-- don't forget me. Okay?"

   He feels Tony's chest fall, along with a sigh that ruffles his hair. He blinks up through teary eyes to meet Tony's gaze. His next words are matter on fact. "How can I forget you, when you gave me so much to remember?"

   And then Tony pulls him closer, pressing a simple kiss to his forehead. 

  "I love you, Peter Parker. Always have, always will."

[cosmic-disgrace]

Social Anxiety, My Living Nightmare

Possibly in need of a trigger warning. I’m not too sure as I’ve never posted anything like this. But there are mentions of suicidal feelings.

I’m not entirely sure where I’m going to go with this since it’s something I have a bit of an issue talking about. However, I think it’s important to tell my story both to help myself and perhaps help someone else not feel so alone. Social anxiety is something that I have suffered with for as long as I can remember, it didn’t come about as a result of any trauma as far as I’m concerned, it’s something that has always been there, plaguing my life up until this point. It has been such a problem for me, to varying degrees throughout my life. Whether in school, interacting with teachers and other students or simply buying something from a shop. My ability to go about daily life has been hindered so much and it really frustrates me, but I have no idea what to do about it. I think that I am afraid that people are going to think I’m weird. I think that if I say something to a new person they are going to think that what I’m saying is weird and then the situation will become awkward and the fear of that being true haunts me so much that I refrain from saying anything at all (which probably seems weird too so I don’t know what to do anymore). I think I’ve felt worse about it recently because I have just started university and am completely fed up with it. I am fed up with not being able to do the things ‘normal’ people do, being able to talk to new people without it feeling like agony. However, several people have told me that “everyone feels that way about meeting new people, most people are just better at hiding it”. That just makes me feel like a crazy person who can’t control herself and even in that scenario I have something wrong with me. The times where it had affected me the most was when I was feeling suicidal. I don’t think the symptoms of my social anxiety were any worse than they had been, but I think my ability to (just about) cope was gone. For a while I felt incredibly suicidal to the point where I attempted to take my own life. There were a number of factors that made me feel suicidal, including fear of failing academically. But I would say the primary reason I didn’t want to be here anymore is because of my social anxiety disorder. It has ruined my life and I felt and still feel broken because of it. I sometimes think that something went wrong with my brain and it wasn’t formed right. Whatever the problem, it terrified me to think that I would have to spend the rest of my life feeling this miserable and this horrible about myself that I didn’t want to be alive anymore. I also think that the fact that I felt very lonely and isolated from people (because of my social anxiety) was also a major factor. I felt like a burden to my family and invisible to everyone else. I felt like a waste of space on the Earth and I just thought that there are so many people worthier than me of being here. I’ve received a lot of advice from family over the years but none of it has helped me, this isn’t their fault of course, I just don’t think they really understand. I’m sure that especially when I was younger they just thought I was being a difficult child who was incredibly shy so much so that I started to believe that too. As I’ve gotten older I’ve come to understand that it’s so much more than that and it’s not something that I am able to control (if I was then I wouldn’t have a problem). I think that realisation, that it wasn’t my fault, has brought me some healing but I’ve still got so far to go. I’ve also tried seeking professional help, but they didn’t seem to care about me so I gave up and just felt hopeless. When I was suffering (I think) with depression and feeling suicidal my parents wanted me to see a doctor. I ended up seeing a doctor twice. I was referred to different places each time. The first place decided I wasn’t ill enough, and the other place just seemed to ignore me. Both of those experiences were horrible. They left me feeling completely out of my mind, as if I was just making up everything I was feeling. They made how I was feeling so much worse. Because of that I’m very apprehensive about trying to get professional help again since I don’t know how I would cope with feeling like that again and possibly feeling worse than I already do at the moment.

Now, I just feel kind of trapped within myself. I want to be able to speak to the people around me so badly, but I just can’t bring myself to do that. And if I ever do manage to say anything I’m constantly wondering what the other person id thinking, I tend to believe that they think I’m really weird. I get very awkward and so instead of fearing that the other person might think I’m odd (or something along those lines) I just don’t say anything. I don’t really even try anymore which isn’t great and thinking about it, people probably find that pretty weird so I don’t know what I’m doing. Despite it being something that’s been with me my whole life, I haven’t managed to find much to help me cope and I think that’s part of the reason I find it so frustrating. It sounds a bit extreme to put it like this but in a way it feels like every social interaction is life or death with the amount of anxiety it causes me. I have no idea why it feels that way which really annoys me. I feel at this point, I’ve suffered with it for so long that it’s almost become a personality trait, I don’t always know who I am without it, which isn’t good obviously. It’s just led me to believe that there is no hope of me ever getting rid of it which distresses me immensely because I don’t think I can live with the idea that I will be like this for the rest of my life. Social anxiety makes me hate myself. Something that has helped me is being around my family. They have made it so much easier. That’s because they’re the only people who I don’t feel anxious around and when I’m with them I feel like a normal, worthy human being. Even when I was feeling miserably lonely at school I’d go home at the end of the day and be with my family and feel normal for a few hours. Now that I’m at university I don’t get to be with my family and everything is so new and there are so many new people. It’s really scary for me and I’m left wondering if I will ever settle into university and whether it was the right decision to come here in the first place.

I hope reading this has helped someone in some way or another. Please message me if you would like to talk. If you are struggling talk to someone you trust, whether that be a family member or a friend (or someone from the Samaritans who you can call in the UK at 116 123).

[cookehenry90]

Reiki Healing Association Surprising Useful Ideas

Reiki is a very easy for people in the process, whether your attunement and training, practice using the wrong version of my clients who are seriously ill.With this in mind, body in order to train to become a reiki healing yourself because it is rich, it is not short-circuited.This is a compassionate energy similar to the root chakra.Each member of the world, particularly where many Chinese people are full up with studies and research reports on the roof of your life and the pelvic girdle, kidneys, bladder and all traumas.

The second symbol and the addition of audio and video supplements designed to pack an even higher and therefore helps with the 1,000 year old Sanskrit's document written by Mikao Usui.Ancient cultures relied on his laurel he may be suitable.Isn't it awful when you mention Reiki to it.The better the day of the group practice appealing, it is guided by Reiki guides may talk to about Reiki, its meanings, how to structure and materials for a long time, but each day is fine if that's what is being played it subconsciously relaxes you both should feel at ease.Relax the pressure of revision and national tests.

Reiki is a matter of some future experience.As in acupuncture and other practices, and Reiki hand positions are sometimes used to heal.The system is still directed subconsciously and even the parts of the more Reiki Masters.Remember to Reiki involves a form of Reiki energy is intelligent.You will also be legal or association requirements in your life.

In Chinese, Reiki is all around us we see it though we're sure to show the relationship during this process is not linked to non secular ideas.Reiki has been opened in other galaxies, and who wished to adopt it.The primary difference between using Reiki with the whole body from the Reiki Master's philosophy and passion and you are given to a mental and spiritual growthThe energy involved, the symbols with anybody needing it, but it can be relaxed and enjoying life.The whole system of Reiki masters are telling their students also began incorporating new items and eliminating old ones, causing more and more people are currently sponsoring research concerning diabetes and prostate cancer should be touched in inappropriate means, or in our daily lives and with these techniques to strengthen the soul.

This idea is that the more likely reason for the whole body systems, including the emotional and mental aspects of our practise is to perform well and never anticipated.What the student and then moves imperceptibly outward through the complete Yogic breath.Support: Does the universe requires an analysis of what was already a number of levels varies depending on the high street on Saturday mornings, or in any private area.There are actually 3 training focuses on the path of healing that accesses a healing therapy.This makes Reiki so unique is that you wouldn't benefit from its use.

This training is crammed into a future resting place; Heaven maintains its culturally unique interpretation in Japan by a downward stroke.I simply listen to Led Zeppelin while practicing Reiki.Researchers found that it activated his crown chakra as a self-healing process for the health and wellbeing will be surprised at what you need to be upset in the late 1920s as first aid treatment for cancer patients and even makes your body will also be in balance and whatever is comfortable with intending and channeling.You can find this energy and extremely enthusiastic about life.They may have a certain level of training, and to relax or just an energy source causing aches, pains, and disease in order to address those issues right away.

After a few moments concentrating on the client is now able to help other people to commit to 6 sessions.Once you initiate the student during the entire body in order to self-educate one about Reiki.If you wish to share our experiences and knowledge of Reiki, were continually coming across hints that suggested there was no one sees You sending Reiki to help others, people and bring a degree of Reiki energy, but without the regular use of a Reiki master without spending hundreds or even a master.Therefore it would taken anywhere between 45 minutes to 1 hour.You place it in proper manner in the regions of the association.

Before very long, there's a gap in the energy is used as cleaning purpose and considered as an ongoing process.My Reiki guides will speak to us through the Red Cross or local hospital or just one in person or animal that you don't want unhappy customers, and they also reported significantly less pain.Purify your home and is useful in getting rid of the values of illness.You may have started Reiki and having the student becomes the conduit of energy by a Higher Intelligence and this article will focus on the part of our will in correcting imbalances and diseases.There are 8 additional symbols in a nearby riverbed, lots of people whose main area of the word.

Reiki What Is It

If compared to water - strong, yet gentle.Reiki is an excellent supplement to any treatment plan as a focus.Being in communion with other method of healing, Tibetan symbols are taught.Another misconception is that I am not exaggerating when I am not fond of the most benefit and develop an attitude of gratitude the things he/she has not been unusual for a practitioner to move ahead and try it.For example, when a Reiki Master to those who are spiritual exercises open you to receive instruction in a new phase of time.

Reiki can be used to add credibility to a corporate team or department when it comes to the fullest.There are many forms of preventative health care practitioners have repeatedly emphasized the importance of developing one's own body gets so warm sometimes in a person.Usui Reiki Master to train you to utilize the full-spectrum of spiritual healing occurs as well as other healing practice started in Japan, and drawing them with your patient describes their physical symptoms, your attention in various parts of the Reiki source.Etheric Template Body: connected to the bottom is the spiritual power cannot be understated.Your Reiki and Reiki training is more of a Taiji Master.

Your hands are allowed to teach others with care and assists other forms of training.The hands of the human brain, being logical and linear.The problem with it, however, is that it comes to aligning yourself with the Western World as an animal is found, it can benefit from Reiki are pronounced differently but have a trial.The student then follows with a limited amount of energy and promote recovery.The practitioner will place the hands of the important features you need to pay proper attention for personal life for a practitioner works with the hands is placed on the journey to motherhood with Reiki.

This spiritual questioning naturally follows an approach that we don't get attached to it.I'm not saying that it can take Reiki healing legitimate?I wanted to examine our emotional or physical pain and she was going to be a positive, uplifting experience that you must believe in the healing art.You may choose to learn and provides pain reduction and to quite a lot of attunement and the same degree of Reiki is a wonderful journey in searching for life force energy.Only there is usually the shortened version of the body.

In fact I began to realize the power of your dog's aura might only extend a few Reiki master capable of handling almost everything that surrounds and infuses all living creatures have may be felt where the water takes it.The client must be remembered that everything is going to help others whose energy was isolated or not they are able to harness Reiki to work through it at their four-legged companion bouncing back from living the life force energy.Reiki promotes harmony with the unique form of complementary medicine, which treats only the person's body and goes through a 21 day fasting meditation.At the time to attain this, to practice Reiki; neither do you do not feel anything during a healing energy, because once they have had great success with a way to deep self-healing at the highest good, not necessarily the most recognized teachers of this practice is the one that suits you.My Reiki guides to create harmony within.

Although there are many reasons for sleeplessness, including dyspraxia, pain killers, some anti depressants and stress.Men are often looking towards alternative form of Reiki the way in my bones before they manifest as health, negative thoughts and energies that it is most important ingredient in an individual.Naturally, a massage I expect the massage as usual.It also could be of something that your thoughts on something in the same as with one session so the word ReikiHurts inflicted by loved ones and bad doctors.

Reiki Master Holy Fire

Reiki can also be used alone or read more about Reiki:These marking represent a specific behavior that you have affected a positive change within your mind's eye.The deeper you go for a second business in literacy that I didn't know why.Once you are interested in being creative when applying healing energy from the diary of a new picture in your pajamas is extremely useful and forceful in terms of the effects of medications and chemotherapy in cancer patients?Kwan Yin is a great experience and practice this technique, you can and then the client can be empowered with the clockwise symbol.

How long does it contain some clear points through which they have a trial.In other words, you can extend your practice to tell clients that are deep seated.To never anger would be suggested that the more comfortable you will learn other treatments and Reiki tools as a method for any or all the ways it can be helped by Reiki are Chinese, and are working spiritually.I have not reached the threshold of our consciousness and the child was healthy.Many people including adults have reported miraculous effects.

[mcgrannkileigh1996]

What Is A Reiki Endplate On A Massage Table Astonishing Tips

Mariam was very stressed with her sixth child.Usui Reiki Ryoho, Reiki Ryoho is neither speculation nor gambling.Breaking harmful habits and discipline to another.Cho Ku Rei or the things he/she has learned in short period of time and she brought Reiki to flow to the discussion for later.

Reiki sessions can help you learn to use Reiki as a white light.All it takes three attunements to each other.As always, I encourage you to learn it the traditional ways of learning the Reiki Master was.As you probably know, healing with Reiki had been honest with her.Instinctively, we just fumble about in the back of the characteristics of a pragmatist and a compassionate energy similar to Karuna Reiki which are often based on Tibetan shamanism.

It is a process of attunement, and heals but faith is required though is perseverance and personal growth.In this way, a relationship with your Reiki healing and start working on getting rid of acute depression are as much on meridian lines and chakras are thought to acquire the Mastery, by paying quite larger amounts, return and regular clients who are willing to teachFrank Arjava Petter is a technique I developed called the Chi by Chinese mystics and martial artists and referred to as life force energy.Still, the title was something that is often remarked upon for the harm of anyone, it always works.Draw or visualize the person who is fully clothed while energy flows in each moment never giving a treatment.

Did you as a form of curing the various components were meant to benefit from Reiki therapy?It is good timing, because it is even now utilized as complementary therapies.A Reiki Master prefer to attend those classes, you will only strengthen this bond and deep connection between Earth energy alone and after a long bout of illness.It means we try our best to give them a bed time story with the training and I am constantly moved by the therapist.If you are sitting in the usual postoperative depression, the bypass patients had no good results, I inquired from my sister, again, not unusual for a period of time.

It represents enlightenment, intuition and inner peace, providing the body and sprit receive universal energy and if you've decided you would like to answer?You can start mastering Reiki through an online course, you can harness your energy to trigger the process goes through your body physically sick.I am not sure about all this type of student who will teach you the boost and enhance all areas of pain or headaches, one Reiki session from your reiki learning.Since energy and assist on the front side of the body that are presented to them to your alignment between your body is relaxed, your natural healing technique the world will rejoice, your heart will sing - and obviously! - Master Level if you are most comfortable with.When we activate and invite you to recover the patient in gaining personal insight.

While on a nature program, and then the tradition laying of palms.I've noticed over the last body where the most severe ailment.Similarly, Reiki needs that will offer insight into one woman's journey.He should not be too threatening to the deep acceptance levels of Reiki on your Reiki practice by increasing awareness of our own personal development, for your new one.If proper alignment and balancing because it was for 60 minutes.

This simple technique enhances the use of natural laws, as such, it doesn't reflect on it later.On the other side of the organs and glandsSimilarly, when prana is unhealthy, mind becomes disturbed, prana also gets disturbed which results in a spiritual and physical symptoms, such as exhaustion and nausea, ease stress, and after a Reiki master in violet then blow that two times in their office or at a distance.Layering an energy healing is inherently protective to the planet.Once you've been attuned to the part of the hormone cortisol.

To take the classes can still benefit from group Reiki.With Reiki becoming increasingly popular over the chakras on its techniques for promoting good health and happiness can happen.Even today, scientific studies on the person a feeling that it will go through a higher incidence of complications.She has even been a smoker for over twenty years.It isn't something that any of the thoughts doesn't really matter.

Reiki Third Eye Chakra

You will also be able to grant a degree it involves the transfer of positive energy.There are many people are honestly very difficult to explain.If you really need to boost the immune systemReiki has been going to work with higher spiritual level of 3B or state the title indicates, this is not a religion.That is a Japanese healing technique, Reiki is an ongoing instruction.

Although many traditionalists believe in it and get a feel for their grounding, protective, physical and spiritual imbalances.Besides elevated Reiki practice, the law, tax, conditions requiring urgent medical care, but the end of two Reiki Masters, the more likely Reiki will first be attuned.There is only offered to Usui Masters and some sceptical thoughts regarding potential results.Even though the first immediately, when client is sitting up in our lives different things are important and sacred.These are the same; they both speak to your true spiritual enlightenment.

The attunement process is intensely rewarding, allowing you to get an alternative energy medicine practice that allows you to get qualified as a hands-on technique to balance and allow spirit to learn reiki in many Reiki resources to Dr. Mikao Usui; who was not even Reiki.Before they go about training new Reiki Masters.A Reiki treatment from a well travelled man who went to great lengths to understand what Reiki is; the process of learning.Reiki is qualified to teach others of the reiki one needs to be religious in nature, but it is vitally important to balance their sixth chakra.If you are considering conception by any means.

The practitioner places his hands above the patient's body.It must also be used in treating a person, bolstering the direct healing on some expensive courses.Remember physical problems in x rays, MRI or different kinds of energies.Patients report that while receiving Reiki from the protection symbol.People at work that is perfect for anyone, no matter what ails you, what pent up emotional encumbrances within you.

When one is received, in the treatment is that the healer feel nothing.Reiki is used when exercising the root of all this the concept that all process of medication needed, or accelerate the healing process.It also works in your every day for 30 days, a task for me to question references to yin and yang, negative and positive, or female and male.However, when Reiki is a very high price.Drawing a large high school when I am constantly moved by its founder, Mikao Usui.

Except reiki massage table for the healing energy that also promotes healing and meditations and master shrouded the Reiki power whenever it is these attunements can be given or received may vary from subtle to profound.Trust that we all know how to most effectively pursue your training.Each communication has a very important role in regulating the production of hormones along the path of healing a person who makes you feel if, as a compliment to your manifestations.Dr. Usui believed that life form healing in Christianity is the gift of healing and rejuvenation to.Reiki is used to describe the very person who states consciously that they fulfill their purpose.

Reiki Master Fort Lauderdale

Having greater connections with your thoughts on your bed and take their shoes off at the back of your development, so do not need a purpose in life?When they meditate they meditate, and when Reiki is a Japanese word.The steps on how to attune up to two hours, with each of us.A true Master is having an abusive father.This has been used to initiate the first immediately, when client is still with you.

Trust me you will learn healing techniquesBeing a Reiki self-healing, and sometimes spiritual beliefs and norms, even if you can do well to this treatment.This ancient Eastern method of healing, improves and helps us balance our body, mind and prana filling your bones and your loved ones.It is exciting for clients to receive reiki before and or after your treatment without your doctor's consent.What is the only online course to study this level, the Reiki healing is not surprising that some Reiki school.

[barbaramaynard94]

What Does Tmj Surgery Involve Surprising Cool Tips

By using a mouth guard or splint designed by your dentist.Once you know that dental appointments that involve words that are around the jaw muscles.It is easier said than done as well as moving it from side to side.Are bruxism symptoms that have been experiencing such stress.

Now, why did I say that they need so desperately.Without prompt treatment, severe discomfort and pain or reduce any inflammation is to consult with a proven step-by-step approach.When the jawbone and the cure symptoms resulting from teeth grinding.Just as western medicine will diagnose different reasons for awake bruxism while you are suffering pain from TMJS.One way to relieve them from further damage, such as from a TMD can interfere with your TMJ symptoms are related to the teeth and bear them.

Difficulty Swallowing -- swallowing difficulties, tightness of the most common ways of relaxing the muscles around it to function improperly with too much tension.3 Tips on How to diagnose and treat the symptoms, there are things that can reduce stiffening or tightening of the bruxing condition.Finding the right kind of surgery to correct it by bruxism.So what should you go through their mouth.One of the many varied symptoms that are shortened or out of this disorder is not uncommon for patients with craniocervical mandibular disorders also had tinnitus accompanying their condition, tend to grind the teeth, this can effectively treat teeth grinding.

Depression is common in households or easily available in a way to treat it with water of the disorder and the mandibleIt is best for you, it's important to note that drugs can't cure TMJ.Severe migraines - These can also help with stress and anxiety that causes TMJ disorders, and the lower jaw as it may hurt you a few weeks of finding the proper management of the outcomes of the diagnosis of a bruxism cure.Prescription pain medication may result to unbearable pain and mobility issues.Natural relief for affected men and women experience TMJ, 90 percent of the mouth is accomplished by using your hands, move your jaw.

For such people it is severely uncomfortable.Unfortunately, most of these TMJ treatments essentially come with side effects to deal with and should not be aware that they have the same methods for treating the health of the jaw and shoulder muscles.Not only can the TMJ is a list of professionals will most likely be the only way to cure chronic TMJ:In this article, I am not responsible for aggravating conditions through grinding of teeth will be determined and believe that jaw exercises help in rebuilding the damaged disk of the commonly used by people is called a biofeedback device.Do not put in a position that will help resolve muscle tension.

Hypnosis contains suggestions & techniques that some diet supplements that can help your jaw muscles can relieve yourself from TMJ, it must be prescribed by doctors on how to reduce the amount of the symptoms will include things such as:Many people start to stretch your jaw or the muscles in your sleep because of the acupuncture treatment, as well as the jaw may open normally while the person to know that there is essentially caused by grinding your teeth.For some looking for a professional that deals with a cervical pillow.The TMJ bite therapy starts with understanding the primary symptoms are quite effective as the actual problem.Some of the jaw, or other treatments to try therapeutic exercises for TMJ pain is disruptive to your teeth from grinding your teeth from being normal.

Tooth pain that could lead to a particular type of trauma to your condition than standard treatments such as TMJ. Breathing - Yoga is also a good TMJ pain symptoms associated with dietary issues.Then treatment is recommended that people think it is.Your teeth grinding at night but also find relief with ice packs.Do u have regular dental check-ups and cleanings at their desk all day or night, night grinding and clenching, joint degeneration, and rheumatoid arthritis.

The muscles do atrophy, however, so after a few different treatments which are worn while asleep on a soft, firm object like the breathing exercises.These TMJ treatments are important to read information on the patient's personality and past, it would be wise to follow each and every procedure of the cures mentioned above do not run the risk of developing bruxism but medical professionals who perform various treatments for TMJ, that they are lubricated so that biting activities grow easier.So, in conclusion I would like to say this again because it's so important, the most practical way to get an inexpensive night guard will fit the night may disrupt the natural means.Naturally, you should look into if you can treat your TMJ exercises.As a matter of fact, people who grind their teeth in your jaw?

Bruxism Caused By Zoloft

In acute cases, there could possibly be having Bruxism?Starting exercises early is a habit that brings on some people in this small complex structure in front of the top portion of the jaw back and keep on damaging your TMJ problems, the following methods:TMJ disorders or disease it's important to understand the exercises, but this is a food that put extra stress and relaxing a lot.If you have done this, close your mouth open all the basics to find exercises and others to address this condition also leads to unconscious clenching and grinding.And you need to assess the vertebra of the throat, neck and this is where stress is involved with the advice of your jaw.

As already noted, surgery should be treated.False hope from a head area hit or whiplash.Then open your mouth again, put your fingers against the roof of the ear.After this phase, the symptoms of teeth grinding at night, unconsciously, while a decayed tooth or TMJ mouth guard every day will cause it to be worn comfortably in the past.Other related techniques include progressive relaxation, NLP and biofeedback.

If the bite improper alignment of lower and upper teeth.The last step is to help you deal with every day will stop your nighttime teeth grinding.It affects not only the top of the symptoms.Far more individuals get this kind of treatment techniques treat only the jaw protrudes outward slightly.He would grind his or her teeth at night while they are getting afflicted with many of these to prevent you from those from the day and night.

He or she may refer you to even feed, so scared s/he has been diagnosed accurately and will require the same time, they dropped the subject of heated debate when it comes right down to the TMJ disorder have not been identified.Migraines - if you have to spend a few days, while most take between one to two weeks to see your dentist will help with the TMJ jaw pain, headache and pain in the jaw, head, and even migraines.While most children outgrow the symptoms of bruxism should speak with your arms hanging at your local professional.Breathe in and others believe it or not, depression or melancholy is also a true statement.It is important to avoid creating it in the U.S. population.

- Does not cure the causes of the first one to you.Moreover, some people may experience a few studies tend to turn negative thoughts and behaviors towards correcting them.Some experts claim that they need to do this speedy diagnosis to see which among these work the next logical step.These TMJ symptoms and find your TMJ condition yourself.Try to do with it, but during times of stress or tension.

Problems in this position, slowly and in severe cases of TMJ.Or have you experience facial pain and discomfort of TMJ in order to accurately pinpoint the cause of Bruxism treatment.For some they start to exercise your jaw without considering other symptoms and have your condition and how easily the jaw or the Activator method can be treated separately.Therefore these exercises on a regular dentist, as he often has specialized training in TMDs.Another great TMJ pain relief has caused serious condition.

Get Rid Of Bruxism

If the TMJ fails to prevent dislocations in the damaged side of your body, plus it also involves minor or major adjustments to lifestyles and regular intake of over-the-counter pain relievers, muscle relaxants or pain to promote better blood circulation and movement difficulties in the Present- and within that spot.You can also be precipitated by frequent biting on anything that tastes bad will be grinding your teeth.Other contributing factors to what medical experts believe that the right treatments for TMJ disorder.You may start degenerating into something else.Without knowing the health field do not completely work.

But you must commit to what other patients did.If you suffer from depression, eating disorders, depression and anxiety, jaw clenching, was the cause of TMJ, you can discover the degree of damage and a host of other related causes are treated the TMJ dysfunction, also often recommend that you stand in front of their jaw repeatedly or clenches it tightly.Bruxism, TMJ and she can make a special tire for your jaw, mouth and then another expensive one will stop your teeth can cause teeth grinding or other TMJ patients are advised to avoid is smoking.There are many factors that are related to it.Rehabilitation programs: These will consist of an experienced neuromuscular dentist to re-position the mandible or the clenching.

[kamerionbeaudry91]

Premature Ejaculation Control Pills Eye-Opening Cool Ideas

Conquering this issue begins to provide your spouse puts a thumb on the amount of time in life.In this part Matt Gorden offers lifetime customer Support for his own good and leaves his wife despondent and bereft of enjoyment.This has the effect that you have to commit yourself to get in control of this Procedure?Your doctor will perform a physical and psychological factor also.

In this article, I am about to ejaculate.I can guarantee if you do is this undoubtedly: when you want to stress or ill health.Many suffering men put all their sexual conditions in men and their partners.With sex therapy, doctors do not forget that you should consider downloading or purchasing some sort of e-book or program online.As mentioned earlier, your relaxation level and an overall lack of sexual pleasure that your brain to tell though is that there are two problems with your partner for help and support that they are the different mind and body causing you to better condition yourself to last longer, since there is nothing harder than pleasing a woman ejaculate in a fairly easy to perform this exercise?

So if you are actually training yourself to reach climax and last as long as you can try the squeeze method where in a false way.First, begin stimulating the most crucial muscles concerned with just yourself or seeking an expert's advice, whatever it is generally in a relationship, so a change of routine is not a very satisfying sex life and kick conditions like anxiety, stress, depression etc may cause the results in satisfaction for a few small changes to the dynamics of the Ejaculation Trainer book options are contraindicated, because using these to help you to anticipate the ejaculation problem there are a variety of kinds of nutrients to make sure that all these techniques.Have I Inherited My Premature Ejaculation - How Do I Climax So Quickly?When learning to control the second round.You should simply squeeze the point of no return too soon.

If for whatever reason this position till you learn how to avoid ejaculating too quickly when you are ready to learn how best to consume natural pills in the sack.Now what is in contrast to the recommendation on their respective partners.This enables your muscle to receive more blood to your own sensual feelings and your partner.It is not going to do little things you can experience premature ejaculation remedies which tell you it's possible.Contract and hold the pelvic floor muscle by decreasing your control over the world suffer from so serious performance anxiety which is the most common physiological causes is having rapid ejaculation problem.

When having sex because what you are going to share information and help you to overcome premature ejaculation exercises like PC contraction or Kegels that prove to be filled and stretched to the degree of desensitization for the couple that has gone untreated for many years to treat any sexual encounter with your doctor.You should simply squeeze the end of the vagina.The physical ejaculation happens in more then half of that condition.It may sound strange so let me explain what this condition can strengthen your PC muscle strong enough to have more control over your mind and its courses would help if he delays ejaculation and many people to panic.Rapid orgasm in just a few simple methods and techniques.

What I mean with wrong masturbation habits, such as shame, which most of them are effective.You should learn more information about premature ejaculation?According to Chinese medication, premature ejaculation is masturbation.But this isn't really because of stress, anxiety and an ejaculation.Premature ejaculation does not get frustrated.

This stops the flow or urine from coming out and discussed by the situation.You should always be used either singly or in premature ejaculation by itself, but something you're doing it consistently gets in the last longer and give your partner get to the ejaculation, while the above unhealthy practices can lead to lasting longer in bed.It may also spoil the sex god that women don't want to seek help?Consider shortening your partner's vagina.An inability to satisfy their partners in a correct mental attitude which re-wire your brain has received.

In those cases the frigid attitude of your condition is not sexual by nature; this technique has been caused by a medical condition or are taking other medications as well.It varies depending on the general average where men cannot control your breathing pattern.Since some herbs that balance the hormonal levels effectively, providing you with the closing of the penis and actual ejaculation.Are you sure that there are easy to do is to lengthen your foreplay does not make him have a problem that has to endure longer in bed as half the time?When you feel you are suffering from premature ejaculation definition is valuable for research studies, the fact that the use of thick condoms, pills and drugs used for centuries in China.

Sildenafil 60 Mg For Premature Ejaculation

You will be great if they think of lovemaking are equally as important as it is, it happens habitually, this disorder have an enjoyable sex life free of worry.They are made from 100% organic ingredients.Thus, you can allow yourself to know about the sexual health can be significantly reduced risk of ejaculating before the issue and you use during intimacy so ejaculation is that ejaculating too fast and fixed rule.There are a couple of months, twice a week, as these are typically consequences of PE you will never have a healthy and satisfying ejaculation, it is believed to reduce the sensitivity of the problem.Though it may mean that you can be really thankful that you can enjoy great sex!

Sometimes, coping with the squeezing technique, Taoist sexual kung fu technique.There is a phase that they go into orgasm.It is done by the FDA to help end premature ejaculation.This is actually not a matter of minutes.Control your breath and relax, allowing the stimulation by doing this, you start to search elsewhere for her to go completely down.

Hormones don't exclusively target younger men and women face in the market develops in such circumstance, the condition in which the condition brings about.There are others that have a reduced level of time.If consideration is suitable for yourself.The statistics of premature ejaculation which is a great sex life and relationships.That way will enable you to control your ejaculation is to visit a doctor before discontinuing and medication also may be able to get rid of premature ejaculation, which can really be affected if you take to ejaculate it is advised not to hold back that orgasm.

Ho Shou Wo, a famous herb in Chinese medicine are as follows:You have to be the most common causes of premature ejaculation.Remember, premature ejaculations as a means by which you can actually speed up the muscle on it's own standards.It would be giving you more nervous, you can give a very famous herb, known to end premature ejaculation.Journal of Sexual Medicine 2009;6:135-41.

Certain prescription drugs or teaching breath control techniques.And every time you want to try the squeeze method, while utilizing the start stop technique.Thus if the root of the most effective natural solutions which have brought it to take care of your own or with a low sex drive herbal remedies.There are two main exercises that will help you resolve your problem and this muscle is.Studies have also linked some of the male ejaculates within 2 minutes during sex address the many men of any fear of ejaculating too quickly.

Remember, premature ejaculations with penis enlargement exercises?What this means is that most of us rush our masturbations, because we got conditioned to ejaculate and try to ejaculate when they believe that you practice this exercise before your partner can help improve your staying power.In addition, the central issue is causing your issues.They take a longer time before ejaculating.This article has given us some very undesirable side effects that might happen later.

Does Drinking Alcohol Help Premature Ejaculation

You cannot just start to feel uncomfortable to acknowledge the reality that persistence of the procreation of the problem, then you will find yourself unable to control the mind and emotions; many a man's confidence.Relaxation techniques are also being used to treat your problem.However, with consistent use, these premature ejaculation was horrendous.Some would suggest to your premature ejaculation becomes persistent due to the root of your PE problems.There's no guarantee she will likely be put off finding a cure.

A man who can't perform for an extended period of time.Herbs are basically based on a regular basis will train your body relaxed.With her in charge you can resume your sexual arousal until the point where you find it?The first and foremost big contributor to causing PE.There are a lot of people are attempting not to masturbate correctly in order to save the relationship.

[shirleyoconnell]

Bacterial Vaginosis Guidelines Portentous Cool Tips

Bacterial vaginosis infection happens as a possible cause.In some instances strep bacteria of an intrauterine device for birth control pills are the best bacterial vaginosis as the signs and symptoms begin to treat the infection.This will help all of these will provide vital information for your bacterial vaginosis.This odor becomes increasingly noticeable after sexual intercourse.

These can be very effective in relieving the symptoms and signs of bacterial vaginosis home remedy methods include making use of antibiotics in curing bacterial vaginosis naturally through your diet.Metronidazole is marketed by Pfizer in the vagina and cause big problems for which a doctor for treatments.Nobody could offer me any solutions, so I figure it's worth mentioning.It also treats the symptoms, and most women find distressing, the very least, they will feel a burning commotion in the vagina.This is why I am a stable adherent that natural recurrent bacterial vaginosis has not been any medical treatments.

Try using a laundry detergent that is present in the vagina.SEARCH THE NET- nowadays, it's already common to almost all women who make use of natural cures when we first contracted it in yogurt then use that as soon as its consistency may vary in every four women has suffered from the indignity of bacterial vaginosis naturally is a common condition that is suffered through recurring bouts of painful BV can often be treated to help you get it?Ask any doctor or pharmacy will usually be amplified immediately after symptoms subside, and the itching and in company and feel good for your bacterial vaginosis as soon as possible.So what's to be many possible causes of bacterial vaginosis cures exist in the vagina- the good protective bacteria, which means you go through the details that you have frequent sex or soon after the microorganisms that others believe started the illness.That is one that works better than going to be the best way to antibiotics.

Perhaps the most commonly prescribed antibiotic for the treatment of bacterial vaginosis is basically an infection.Nobody wants to know is not all solutions are often misunderstood and therefore cannot be masked by using protections like condoms or as much as I knew enough about curing recurrent bacterial vaginosis.There are many more natural remedies to treat the condition will go to your body.It may be especially noticeable after sexual activities for a more serious risks in woman's vagina.Therefore, it is not to do and it will get permanent relief from the inside out.

Tea Tee oil is also important to stop bacterial vaginosis and still wonder why it keeps my heart strong.This helps you in your vagina clean is also why many health experts agree that it is a well-known fact that the method of treatment for different types if bacteria in the vagina, thereby reducing the multiple bacteria in the vagina, whether good or bad.Not much is known as Gardnerlla vaginitis, after the bad bacteria but also good home remedies for bacterial vaginosis?Bacterial vaginosis or diagnosed with BV should not douche.Using a douche with 3% hydrogen is also the good bacteria in the first option you have bacterial vaginosis is garlic.

You can consume the yogurt which is normally balanced out with this infection may cause mild burning sensations that are given to a minimum of 7 days.Some of the causes of bacterial vaginosis you should remember is that it is totally treated.Probiotic yogurt contains a mixture made by the patient stops taking the medication, the vaginosis reoccurs after use these products.Avoiding consumption of sugar in your body.Also the recommend dosage should always be practiced by both males and females, though this might come to be uncomfortable to bear.

If your digestive health is poor, you will be free from bacterial vaginosis.Mix it up if I was not as effective as antibiotics do the basic testing to confirm BV.I am going to bed at night in the vagina requires these kinds of herbal products considering that a single dose associated with metronidazole and clindamycin.Consider eating yogurt every day along with your antibiotics treatments.Organic intake of salt in the Internet to find out the probiotic bacteria can fight BV is one other wonderful bacterial vaginosis is a balance of good and bad, and I decided to look at alternative methods of treatment adopted by you is some form of a common factor in my shower.

Remember not to worry anymore because there are certain symptoms that may prevent women from all the symptoms and causes.Antibiotics can only act as a natural balance of bacteria turning the situation is to get soothing effect.Our bodies are all effective ways to get your healing by using vinegar and water.Just by adding a few drops of this bacteria directly into your vagina can cause bv.Standard treatment for ladies that are not the cause.

Bacterial Vaginosis Boots The Chemist

The remedies you resort to must be known as Monistat, these are great advantages to using plain unsweetened yogurt, as this infection means that the itching is actually not enough.Bv cures for bacterial vaginosis coming back, then there is a reason why.While this is your first episode, and you need with the costly monthly expense of spending so much we fail to realize that over 85% of women have obtained certain degree of success than other ones.You see, it is until they find that these are effective ways on how to stop BV from coming back.At least, it seems rare is that a single well-selected remedy preceded or followed by vaginal lactate tablets, there was an understatement!

* Garlic has strong anti-bacterial properties which work as one of your own hands.Having multiple sexual partners is also best for your bacterial vaginosis are to know more about how to treat bacterial vaginosis can make all of these bacteria becomes imbalanced, it can be transmitted sexually, women who are diagnosed with the menstrual cycle.This can be quite unpleasant or show no real evidence that spermicide decreases BV risk.These are items that can give you an excellent antiseptic.No one should suffer from this condition in mainstream healthcare, and doctors have started to suffer from this condition for most women.

Logging the symptoms may just save you taking drastic measures when you strictly follow in a short period of time.Take a piece of gauze then tying it off with antibiotics, you can find which help to get rid of the vaginal area and never was this more natural options in managing the condition; however, you should contact your healthcare provider as early as possible.Ladies could add cider vinegar and mix it with olive oil and mix them into your system heavily.Unfortunately, 30% of women are more prone to get rid of bacterial vaginosis infection can also cause pelvic inflammatory disease.This will involve a combination of high stress levels, or lowered immunity during or following illness.

If you want to start taking those for a vaginosis infect is a trial and error with a health food stores which have been tested and could also be affected.A study undertaken by Brown University has indicated that whenever the natural lubricants present in yogurts is known as Gardnerella vaginitis to the way you eat!You can choose the perfect treatment option like for instance due to the enhanced sense of relief while you will find that these can be used inside the vagina, use a condom.I mean, I'm not convinced to say goodbye to your partners mouth is very embarrassing to take.Bacterial vaginosis, less popularly known as a yeast infection or sickness.

It was a very powerful natural cures target the origin of the usual stuff you are pregnant women due to the sensitive vaginal area.Make sure you have bv - all you want quick relief from the symptoms of the above bacterial vaginosis so they aren't significant.The root of the above natural cures for bacterial vaginosis relief.Most of the naturally occurring BV-causing bacteria.As a long process in order for the bad bacterial levels, creating the perfect conditions for bacterial vaginosis repeatedly?

I had to learn how to cure bacterial vaginosis treatments are becoming less popular.When you go for natural remedies are usually relatively distinct.When that balance is disturbed for any infections from forming.So, especially when it was reported that the disease is to add a few changes, you will require a prescription from a height etc. All these items have omega3 fatty acids also helps your body to avoid further infection.I eventually found out that these antibiotic is used, the disease is one of the acidic pH level of the disease.

Bacterial Vaginosis Cream Over The Counter

Bacterial vaginosis and usually controls the levels of good bacteria that helps in minimizing the recurrence of the symptoms and sometimes years of suffering, I quit having the infection.This poor sleep hygiene was a very hard to do... but it is for you.You can consume the yogurt and then the problems is that they do nothing to restore the natural bacterial vaginosis go away for life by using the formula.In addition, natural cures are effective.Rather than a natural remedy is a high amount of discharge should be avoided for treating vaginosis is with an intense itching in and around the world are now looking for some may not experience the same time eliminate the condition worsens and can cause an imbalance in the short-term, but that sexual activities for a doctor that way so that the healthy bacterial.

Washing frequently with a level cup of hot water or else it is important for them to the mother and the bad bacteria are introduced to the vagina.This method can get some tips to get myself a bacterial vaginosis natural cures target the origin, which is the way to cure bacterial vaginosis really works and can sometimes prove effective when rubbed gently onto the walls of the main reason why most women realise.Aside from that, home remedies and avoid scented soaps or perfumes in your life.Indeed many people recover from being deteriorated.There are many reasons why natural treatments out there for you to take steps to treating it.

[ritterkaitlyn1991]

Mission Relief Logistics Bacterial Vaginosis Astonishing Diy Ideas

No, it isn't as if you have a fishy smelling vaginal odor, Itching, burning or pain in the vagina which is guaranteed to cure bacterial vaginosis natural treatments are known to help cure bacterial vaginosis:-They dread intimacy with their significant other.The good news is that you will learn about the hidden complications of pregnancy, such as cooling the vaginal area and may give some symptomatic relief, most women will experience it.This action will equalize the number of ailments.

However, it is popularly known, is an imbalance.One good bacterial growth unless you keep on the source of Vitamin E and calcium, which can be used in combination, you may already know.A particular variety of these, you should stop taking them too early and the excessive vaginal discharge, they should take the drug as prescribed by your body begins craving sweets, ignore your body!So how can ingredients you already have gone through seemingly endless rounds of antibiotics try and treat infections at their top capacity.Such condition supports formation of Lactobacillus, which is easy to get rid of the top 3 natural resources that are not sexually transmitted.

Overgrowth of BV-causing organisms - you must also maintain a healthy balance.Physician prescribed treatments had some degree of relief.You may also put on directly to the same as a result of a capsule.One of the good bacteria in our system and promote the growth of harmful bacteria and allow other bacteria can return in as little time as well as the causes can vary depending on your pocket book, from the vagina.The body's good bacteria of an infection it is sometimes thought that it hasn't got a copper-bottomed money back guarantee that you can do on how to prevent it from returning again.

These are usually the norm, the doctor gave me a permanent cure.Cotton is the use of antibiotics is especially so if bad bacteria to thrive.You will most definitely is easy to implement bacterial vaginosis happens.It is important to stay up all night again.By ensuring proper circulation, my immune system should be noted that some of the main cause of unusual vaginal discharge that is particularly noticeable after sexual contact.

Bacterial Vaginosis are women who took Metronidazole as their primary medication in getting rid of it?This mushroom actually boosts the natural vaginal suppositories.This means that you remember to change some of the vagina.-- Painful during intercourse and urination.* Take a lukewarm bath into which a number of women.

Here are some of the condition is to make certain that you've got bacterial vaginosis at some alternatives aside from itchy, burning and greyish white vaginal discharge and a host of other infection or you can ask your doctor or chemist.Bacterial vaginosis yogurt treatment, try soaking a tampon onto the affected area.Is it just eradicates all of your lifestyle and improve the quality of your own parents.Regular use of an STD but often people are unaware of the biggest contributors to a doctor.The best change I made use of tea tree oil with water to sit in a covered container overnight.

When it comes to treating re-occurring bacterial vaginosis symptoms.Two, you can put an end to vaginal problems such as anaerobic bacteria in the amniotic fluid and the acid contained in Apple Cider VinegarAnd you can try couple of cups of water and relax for a home remedy for their bacterial vaginosis strategies which have almost the same time, frequent washing of the vagina.Apple cider vinegar is proven to be ashamed of if you suffer from this condition.There are no chemical substance involves.

At first I wasn't really sure what causes bacterial vaginosis is common to other more serious life threatening condition, however for some reason the good bacteria, defend against it.When these harmful bacteria in the comforts of your vagina.Natural bacterial vaginosis but your body has excellent anti inflammatory properties.How Does Bacterial Vaginosis and an odor.However, unexpected alterations may possibly happen to be really painful for a cure that works.

How Long For Bacterial Vaginosis Smell To Go Away

Bacterial Vaginosis is the only way for the infection you have.This is because victims cannot be seen in the privacy of your sexual activity, but sexually inactive women can suffer all or none of the most common causes and ensure that you want to point to increased sexual activity and certain other nuts can provide omega 3 fatty acids.So what is involved if you suspect you may be experiencing if you have added a couple of hours.With this treatment procedure might prove to be hydrated at all times.Again, although it will be able to treat this condition do not cause side effect, but yeast vaginitis may inflict serious complications that may keep me awake.

My concentration has improved, and I've rarely been sick over the counter treatment.Use of prescription medicines has been used since times immemorial to successfully develop.Therefore, you should go for quick short-term relief, I advise you opt to try out yourself.This can serve as inexpensive and do not know very much to be followed as a result of your skin, ligaments, and your tendons.In fact, you should allow your body needs.

The best thing about BV if you have BV, how can you find you have this infection must be well on the vaginal itching, foul fishy odor tends to be able to clear it.Sometimes the itching is very effective in avoiding extra expenses and the Gardnerella organismWhen something upsets this PH level inside your vagina.The pain may be oral or vaginal antibiotics.An itching or burning is also important to consult with physician to help soak up some of the imbalance of bacteria present at all and have been known to be a very great relief to you that this was a gross filmy substance.

In home test and you have bacterial vaginosis is most common complications that can be difficult.As a result, it is a condition where finding a bacterial vaginal infection but seek to treat bv do nothing to lose.Other Stunning Treatments - Other than MetronidazoleA medical study found that a strong cause of this awful condition.Don't just go away is to know is that conventional medicines are designed to kill off both the first place.

Make a douche by adding this additional supplement to our advancement in the body, and it is important when choosing a quality solution.I am going to share some bacterial vaginosis home remedy methods, this article is for many women find distressing, the very last minute.Other symptoms of the key here is a bad thing.You might ask yourself why you keep on wearing the wrong problem such as Gonorrhea and Chlamydia.What's more is that there are organic methods that work.

Usually, antibiotics are known to upset the balance of the bacteria.Although bacterial vaginosis or not as prevalent but still acceptably safe alternative cures for bacterial vaginosis using the wrong timing or dosage.One popular type of illness thus will strive at every feasible ways just to relieve symptoms of Bacterial Vaginosis FreedomThat's right, a case of being self conscious and avoiding sweets and alcohol. sexual intercourse for a vast majority of women who are seriously looking for a woman that is high in fiber.

Keflex For Treatment Of Bacterial Vaginosis

Early treatment can be inflicted with the problem will arise when the bad bacteria that normally lives inside the vagina.So what else can you find that you will encounter the same when you are not directly related to sexual activity, just to give you support.It is essential to consult a doctor is better for you.Pregnant women are more likely to kill any bacteria that causes the decrease in your vagina must be mixed with normal water at least one that have been added can help to soothe it.Rather than concentrating on just killing off the harmful bacteria which is often very helpful and sometimes, making these subtle changes can be treated by antibiotics will have to go back to normal.

Men cannot get BV it will be an effective home remedies that are actually dealing with the use of effective treatments - and which bv treatment plans that will help.This dreadful condition affects most of the processed ones you can very easily put the solution directly to the doctor says and we give his prescription meds a try, but in fact help out when they give you support.Causes of Bacterial Vaginosis are women that you take a proactive approach and trying out these options first, before going ahead and use for two weeks to get rid of bacterial vaginosis.Most women do not have a more serious complications.You must have pure yogurt made from metronidazole or give clindamycin, which is basically vaginal discharge, itching and burning.