#and the first image is the invert so I can see it on the activity log easier

[tomthefanboy]

Last week I made a simple post saying I wanted a D&D version of this chart with a gnoll in the middle. I know that most of the time if you want something on the internet you have to make it yourself, but I couldn't figure out what each axis would be.

I wanted the D&D chart SO BADLY that I started boosting the posts about it with tumblr Blaze... Post 1  EVERY Post 2  TIER Post 3  OF BLAZE Post 4 

and after spending $250 I had a very wild week...

...and had a lot interactions to sift through!

Before I go too deep into the feedback and my reactions, I would like everyone to know that only ONE tumblr user out of.... (3604 plus 19895 plus 25938 plus 63883... cary the tens...) ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY interactions actually had the combination of empathy, creativity, and reading comprehension to HEAR ME.

@emptymanuscript made me not one, but TWO D&D versions of the chart!

LOOK AT THEM!

Gnolls in the middle and everything! Fantastic.

This gives me the catharsis of being heard and a level of closure fitting with a $250 purchase on the internet. Especially when combined with all of these new friends (whom I will be spending the next month getting to know)!

Hoooooowwwwwwwwwever... I still want a version that has the D&D creature types Humanoid on one side and Beast on the other side of the gnoll. so lets slip under the cut and take a look at the suggestions.

So first off, Axis 1. The X axis if you like maths. This is where I felt like Human to Beast would fit. That changes the chart into something like this.

This will be the basis for most of the charts going forward, meaning that in addition to the top and bottom creatures we place at the extremes of Axis 2 (the Y Axis) we will also need to consider monsters that are "half-humanoid" or "half-beast" versions of those types.

Since I started with creature types, lets start with the two groups of suggestions that actually involved the Rules As Written (aka RAW) D&D monster types.

Fiendish - Celestial got a lot of hate from comments due to the lore of gnolls. Gnolls are the spawn of the demonlord Yeenoghu and reproduce through a wicked ritual. People claimed that this meant they could not be placed in the center of the chart this way. They were too hung up on the top of the chart being a celestial type creature, if you make the top of the chart a creature that's halfway between a demon and an angel (such as a chaotic neutral pixie) and the BOTTOM of the chart a creature that is full blood, bad-n-nasty demon (like say, Yeenoghu itself) then gnolls serve a pretty good middle ground. Then the corners would be creatures that are mixes of each of the sides (demonic beast, demonic humanoid, fey beast, fey humanoid) and you get a pretty solid chart like this;

A smaller group considered the mortal natures of both Beasts and Humanoids and chose a different set of criteria...

These don't have a unified voice but generally it was about an axis between what was natural/organic/normal and what was un-natural/in-organic/aberrant. Multiple creature types fit this bill at each end. Plants and fey are tied to living things while Undead, Constructs and Aberrations are based in inorganic and un-natural processes. We've already got fey in our last chart, so lets see how that looks on an axis against Constructs and Undead (both of these a created via magic like gnolls, so we'll leave out the alien aberrations and try not to think about them reproducing).

Before we continue, let's take our first side bar.

There were some fools out there thinking they could shame me for spending my money on this, proving they don't understand budgets OR the internet. Only ONE of you out there thought to ask me for some money and I respected their hustle so much I gave them enough to blaze one of their own posts. Don't think the rest of you will get some though, even if you come at me with charities or shit, so don't try it. That time has passed.

Such foolishness. Weep for them. Don't tag them. Definitely do not interact. I DO hope they get this blaze post as well though. (Hey @staff, you can do that right? It's not like any of them would have the mental fortitude to read this far after all)

From here we get into the more esoteric groupings. This is where the people who are VERY into D&D and the people who are completely unfamiliar overlap. Let's look at the physical descriptors first.

Size categories are a thing in D&D and Gnolls are medium creatures like dwarves or elves and most humanoids. There's plenty of small monsters and plenty of big ones as well so it is relatively easy to find Large or Small creatures on the humanoid side and the Beast side and then a Tiny creature for the top and a Huge creature for the bottom.

This makes for a satisfactory chart, but not one that captures the complexities of the original animal meme.

The Softness and Hardness of a creature can be reflected in they shape and their stats. It may be acidic but the gently curves of a black pudding are pretty soft, just like the fists of an iron golem are hard. The corners of a chart like this are a bit trickier, there's all shapes of armored things you need to find softer partial-beasts and partial-humanoids. Oozes don't come in half measures so a different creature might be needed.

Let's take a look at another side bar before we continue. There were a lot of people with something to say that were unhelpful in new and different ways.

I'm sure there are dozens of you out there who had been thinking about a Third Axis (the Z axis) this whole time. That stops being a "D&D version of this chart"! Not applicable to this discussion! Same with anything that doesn't have gnolls in the middle!

Next up we have some suggestions for metrics along SOCIAL lines instead of physical ones.

The lines here are very blurry. Gnolls work in packs but are not really social creatures. The destroy civilizations brutally but they do use weapons and magic items they find. They can speak language. The cuddle-to-kill spectrum is as skewed as the fiendish - celestial axis discussed earlier. Aside from player characters, gnolls want to kill and destroy things. I know the savagery is attractive to the monster-fuckers out there but they are 100% kill you. to go further down that axis you'd have to start looking into undead or outer planar beings that destroy the body, the mind, and the soul. So lets look at the Feral to Civil axis instead. Gnolls don't have as much infighting as some creatures. They are at least capable of teamwork to achieve their goals of mayhem so lets focus on that as a metric. Modrons exemplify orderly cooperation for a group cause but there's no CULTURE there. Just Law vs Chaos. We need a civil creature that is neither/both humanoid and beast and an utterly feral creature for the other side that will even turn on its own kind. Even more feral and unthinking than your average beast... But we simply can't ignore sexiness and willingness to cuddle in the equation... Metal to Cottagecore sums it all up best I think, so let's look for that.

When you practice for an exam a lot people will tell you to trust your gut. I'm here to tell you to trust your first Blaze results. As much as I loved the thrill and attention of the higher tiers, the roller coast ride of the $25 tier was enough to get me where I needed to go. Let's see one of the first suggests and the most popular.

Gnolls are a combination of brutal warrior and arcane origin story. There are certain gnolls with magical powers but in general they are not relied upon. This makes them a good middle ground. So we need a creature at one end that is a cunning spellcaster and an opposite that is a muscle-bound brute.  A number of arcane outsiders fit the first while half the giants fit the latter. But anything with a language is not quite dumb enough for an extreme. So there may be a need for outsiders on both ends if an unthinking/non-magical outsider can be found. BUT are outsiders by default eldritch magical creatures? Also, should I listen to the person that posted my face in their reblog more than the others? That seems important...

As much as I'd love to have different creatures on every single chart as a weird flex, but the Tarrasque literally REFLECTS SPELLS and is one of the few creatures dumber than an ogre without being an ooze, construct or undead. On the other end, I had considered that the Death Tyrant or the Demilich with its Strength of 1 might represent the ultimate embodiment of mind over matter, but nobody has as many MAGIC spells and MIND powers as the Illithilich!

As we reach the final side bar, allow me to slap down a block of tags for all the people who left notes specifically asking to see how it ends. that way they get an alert even if this blaze doesn't get to them. @trickstercheshi​

@kippkap​

@musings-of-an-avimancer

@thatwingeddaydreamer 

@smokenmoths

@queuest

If you did a CTRL-F and just scrolled down to your name, I don't take it personally. I applaud your efficiency!

Let's see all the "none of the aboves" that my Blaze Train awoke as it shrieked across their dashboards!

Not all comments are created equal.

Out of all the excellent ideas there was one that stood out to me early on and only got a few more people fully on board through the entire Blaze Train.

Yes. That's right. We come all the way back around to physical descriptors. But it's not that simple! On the original chart, the rat, weasel, and raccoon are also mischievous and unpredictable with their grabby little hands. Meanwhile the quadrupedal Horse has evolved just as far in a different direction. Solidity and strength are in their hooves. Llamas and goats benefit from this power and stability but use it for wildly different purposes. There are also easy D&D creatures to pick out for each side without dabbling in lycanthropy or shifters.

And now I can rest, knowing that I have the chart that I wanted all along. Now I just need to blaze this and see which chart people like the most and how many ideas people have for the Z axis on them. (you sick bastards)

[twstunes]

looking at the Mirror Chamber very intently. come with me for a sec. Take My Hand.

First thing catching my eye are the windowpanes. They're pretty busy in general, but those thorny curls…suspicious. As is how the overall flow of the panes seems to resemble an inverted form of the design Draconimom's appearance is built around (which is itself based on Maleficent's general character design).

But u know what really gets me? These aren't the only windows with distinctly thorn-like windowpanes. For some reason, the uppermost windows in the normal classrooms (like in Trein's magic history lessons) have a thorny design too. NO clue if there's any relation there, but it feels too overt to brush off, y'know?

Next up: the rose arches over the windows. If you look closely at Draconimom's lace cape-thing, you'll notice the roses worked into its pattern (sorta in the 'ear' area of the pattern)– and one of masquerade Malleus' home screen lines has him saying how fond he is of the rose embellishments on his outfit. It's a bit of a stretch, but considering the extreme similarities between Draconimom and our dear buddy Hornton, I'd be willing to bet that roses are A Specific Thing for them. (Plus there's the obvious thorns –> roses connection, and how Draconimom's staff is a giant flower, AND it provides a convenient visual tie-in to the first dorm/major boss we encounter in the main story…)

Now for the chandelier. Pretty messy-looking for such a fancy chamber, yeah? But with such a distinctive floral pattern to it…and to the lace it seems to be wrapped in. The main focus of the lace seems to be that sorta three-leaf pattern in it, the shape of which is reflected in the bud-like decoration dangling down from the center.

I know I'm making the lace of Draconimom's cape-thing do some heavy lifting in this analysis, but that sorta three-leaf/bud-like shape does appear in it. More noticeable, though, would be how the dangling bud seems to resemble the central decor of Draconimom's heavy belt– just without the sword.

Less relevant, but the presence of chains on the chandelier give me pause. Symbolically, chains are used to represent containment or (a negative sense of) security. I've joked about Draconimom being in the Dark Mirror, but that chains would be placed so nearby…it makes me wonder. Is the person in the mirror being actively restrained or otherwise held by force, as opposed to passively being trapped?

Also, if you look closely…at the top of the chandelier's lace, nearly hidden in the gloom, appears to be the image of a rose.

Moving along, the bottom of the chandelier looks quite similar to the construction of the botanical garden, just inverted. The four large beams visible in our view of the botanical garden also have a very…pointy quality about them, thanks to the spear pillars acting at their supports. You could say they look almost like thorned vines.

Looking from the campus map view shows that those large beams fully encircle the building, just as the decorative lines on the chandelier presumably encircle it. In addition, we can also see that the Hall of Mirrors has a somewhat similar construction. (Not using the outer view of the HoM from the official manga bc idk how much artistic leeway the manga artists are allowed.)

The circles on the coffin lids alternate between being bright green or glowing cyan, depending on whether or not you're summoning cards. It could be that the green is their default "inactive" state, and the cyan glow is caused by them being "active" during the summoning sequence? Seven ("active") coffins appear during the summoning cutscene, which is all but assuredly in reference to the fact you can usually only summon from the 7 available dorms. (The 12 "inactive" coffins seen during the normal view of the Mirror Chamber don't appear to correlate to anything in specific.)

The lamps lining the Mirror Chamber each have seven lights on them, which could also be a subtle nod at the 7 dorms – it's a bit of an odd design for a lamp, otherwise. All of them together gives me the impression of a grove of saplings.

last but not least, this is slightly off-topic but WHAT is up with that fountain. why's it got the nastiest lookin water known to man. when was that thing last cleaned. looks bad looks rancid. still feel compelled to take a lil sip tho

[dawn-falls]

I'm on JJK fandom too, and I have my own OCs here, so let me introduce a few of them!

Also, the drawings I'm showing here are not mine, my friend drew them for me, and she allowed me to post them. Just needed to make that clear. If you want to see her art, search lynna_arts on Instagram.

Here's my cursed child, Toniko Gansoda. She's 16-17 years old and on her second year of Jujutsu High School and has her own technique, called "Reality Alteration".

Her technique is a bit difficult to explain, but I'll use an example of a picture. You know when you rotate the image? Upside down, to certain angles, etc. That's one of the main things she does to her surroundings. Her techniques are "Rotate (direction) (angle)", example: Rotate left 90°. The second thing is called "Transparency", where she can pass through things like a ghost by touching that surface with her hands or feet, but that requires both feet, hands can be just one. She has a domain, called "Distorted Manor", where the rotation can only affect certain areas and even rotate different parts to different directions at once. Her transparency allowed her to even invade and escape domain expansions.

Unlike Itadori, who's too brave for his own good, she's close to a coward. Avoids fighting, especially alone, and is used to running or just aiding people. She's not very confident, but she knows to be serious. She's not on Tokyo nor Kyoto Jujutsu High, her school is the Aichi Jujutsu High School, a third school that I made up with my own lore (until they reach Shibuya with the canon characters).

During a mission at an ancient Heian Temple, she got thrown into a sealed cursed mirror inside of the temple and accidentally released inside of her body the forgotten Prince of Curses, Riya Sukuna.

Riya Sukuna is the younger sibling (Non Binary, but don't care about pronouns) of Ryomen Sukuna. They were sealed in the mirror in the Heian Period because of a riot they started against their brother, which was Ryomen himself who sealed Riya.

Their technique is called "Inversion Technique", and it acts like a mirror and a reflector. Any cursed energy attack directed at them can be slightly retreated to not harm them and/or thrown back at its user. Riya is also the first mastermind behind the Reversed Cursed Energy, being the first to theorise that the energy is not merely healing, but could change the techniques as well. Yes, they knew Kenjaku. They have a domain expansion, called Inverted Shrine, just to spite Sukuna with their "lazy use of creativity", the domain basically forbids any use of cursed energy battles, with any attack thrown immediately hitting the user instead, no matter what kind of attack. The domain's look is also different from their brother's, looking more like a transparent-white glass dome with a small shrine with pillows rather than Malevolent Shrine's dark surroundings. If the domain is activated inside of another domain, then the appearance will stay the same as the first domain, but with traces of glass to show that you're in their domain now. Riya can use Toniko's ability.

Who's this Nurehebi? The bad guy of my OCs, but I'll talk about them in another story. They are Riya's closest friend, and will be making a big return to impact both Riya and Toniko's lives.

Here's the possession:

Unlike Sukuna, Riya doesn't like showing his marks, and luckily, he has fewer of them. Toniko likes to keep her fringe out of her forehead, so whenever her fringe is down, is usually thanks to Riya. He also doesn't rip off her clothes, instead, he steals anything he finds cute from any store around him. Riya and Toniko love to wonder and theorise about cursed techniques and possible combat, and Toniko, having hanged around Gojo before, had her fair share of curiosity over colours, which Riya indulges and both just start a random debate over Jujutsu.

I should tell you my girl is stupid. Basically, she made a Binding Vow with Riya so whenever someone killed her, he could have her body for 30 minutes to do as he pleases, but after that, he has to bring her back to life. This will be important in Shibuya. It also led Toniko to accept dying in order to help on missions.

Those are my OCs for now, I'll be bringing more soon. Thanks for reading! See ya next time!

[queerlich]

August 1st to August 7th 2022

Lately, I’ve been noticing exhaustion and irritability in myself, and in talking with confidants I know I am not alone in that. Perhaps you too, in reading this, are reminded of your own difficult days. Today, I asked the cards “How do we counter the pervasive exhaustion capitalism demands of us? How can we say ‘no’ more often so we can say ‘yes’ to what we really want? How do we step into the new worlds we want to see?” I drew three cards for this, the first being the remedy we need right now, the second giving us insight into what we need to say no to, and the last being a reflection for what obscures the new world we are moving towards.

Image Description: The Empress (3rd major arcana) a person with long golden hair wears a dress of leaves and a halo of stars. They rise up above golden energy, ready to receive. The Devil (15th major arcana) shows a red and orange forest. Inverted as it is, it makes the dark tree trunks look as if the forest floor is their leaves and the red leaves the ground. A snake slithers along, camoflogued quite well. The Eight of Chalices show a cloaked, bald figure traversing through a red mist. It has almost fully enveloped them though they look forward, through the portal created by this mist. A stack of eight cups are under one hand as if a walking stick.

The Remedy We Need Right Now

The Empress (3)

Reciprocal care and love. The Empress is the ultimate embodiment of reciprocity and finds ease in uncovering how they can organize networks to create a culture of care. This archetype reminds us that love is meant to be ease-filled. It is only difficult right now because of how we exist under capitalism, colonialism and white supremacy along with the long-standing histories of all. So what if we could bring the ease back into love? What if we could let go of it “needing” to be difficult and reconnect to Love as Easy?

The Empress as the Remedy we need means that more than ever we need to build our care networks. We need to support those we care about. We need to be connected. This isn’t the time for infighting about the academics of activism. This is the time for remembering that we are all human. That we all have worth. That we all can work toward change parallel to each other, we all have a role to play.

What to Say “NO” to More Often

The Devil (15) Reversed

I have the experience of The Devil only coming up when it is truly needed. When it is the TIME. When it needs to be received. This archetype is of challenging our vices, our shadow sides, our own darkness. A time to look ourselves in the mirror and see how we are lost, how we have hidden ourselves, how we have been enslaved. Have we given up our power? What did we relinquish to someone else when we really needed to keep it close?

Having the Devil as the reminder of what we need to say ‘NO’ to, is such an alignment. Especially in its reversed form. Here its energy gets stronger. In looking at the imagery, with the ground now being the vivid red leaves and the snake slithering above you, ready to drop; you realize the precariousness of your position. This ground isn’t as stable. We could fall through and into the void sky below. The Devil cups your face in its hands and says “say no more often, or else you will be lost in more ways than you can imagine.” The words are harsh, but have an underpinning of love.

What is Obscuring the New World we are Moving Towards

Eight of Chalices Reversed

A risk. A journey where leaving behind our comfort zone could build something even better than what we have. Here the figure has their back turned towards us. They aren’t looking back, or even thinking about returning to the world they have left behind. Instead, they are taking a pause to bask in the splendour of what’s next. A pause to reflect on what they want to create in (and with) this new place they are heading to.

In being reversed, there is apprehension. Instead of readiness and excitement for the risk being taken alone, there is also a note of fear. We start to question ourselves more, is the risk worth it? Do I really need to leave behind what’s comfortable? Why should I bother? It is these fears, these worries that are obscuring the New World. It is fear that holds us back in this place. We could be living, right now, as if we are there. We can orient our way of being to align with who we imagine exists in that future. We can relate to each other, to ourselves, to our ancestors with the care and love that the future will.

[sugar-petals]

🌹 tarot tips for sexual readings:

⎡QUESTIONS ⎦⇁ so, this is a simple trick but priceless. once you run out of ideas, flip what you asked the deck to the other person/perspective. if you inquired “how are they like in bed”, you now ask “how would they experience me sexually?”. i got the most eye-opening results with this ‘inverted question’ method.

⎡SUITS ⎦⇁ the minor arcana excel in nsfw readings. why? the four suits show you what type of tone is set to a t. swords are serious and thought-out sex with sharp movements, wands signify loud and aggressive romps in multiple places or rounds, cups are romantic, sweet and emotional, while pentacles are slow, trusty, and drawn-out lovemaking that’s domestic. 

⎡ELEMENTS ⎦⇁ don’t forget that the suits come with elements as well, and interpret accordingly. e.g. swords as air show you encounters that leave you breathless, wands as fire show you that both partners will be burning up with sweat, cups as water show you that it’s gonna be all wet and spit/kiss-heavy, while coins as earth are a more grounded experience without any horizontal positions, and that the person has your favorite scent.

⎡TROPES ⎦⇁ the major arcana are perfect to determine what kind of sex life a person wants overall rather than the details. see them as erotic archetypes that get to the core of the person. they show central sensual needs and most importantly, relationship goals. and, by the way: the kind of sexy clothes the person prefers to wear.

⎡REVERSALS ⎦⇁ unless you’re the utmost pro with a decade of tarot practice under your belt, or pretty advanced, make life easier and keep reversals out of sexual readings. for other questions yes, but i find that reversals are tricky with 18+ questions if you’re a beginner. especially when you focus on reading the imagery.

⎡DOM/SUB ⎦⇁ if you’re asking about bdsm VS vanilla: swords and wands are the kinkier suits. cups and coins are way tamer. in the same vein, you can find out what type of sexual role they prefer this way. hard doms come with swords if they are strict. soft doms, usually pentacles. brats show up as wands (exception: the king/queen/knight show a dominant). soft subs = usually cups. 

⎡COURT CARDS⎦⇁ if a royal appears for a person you’re asking about, you know that they are experienced or know their stuff. unless it’s the pages, those show you’re dealing with a novice or shy person (cups and coins the most in that case, swords and wands the least). the knights, 50-50. beside the knight of coins they are or have been the most sexually active at least.

⎡ACES⎦⇁ Most tarot readers interpret them as stages of initiation, like a first date, first time. I think you can add another meaning given their number in the suits (1): They can stand for the singular person getting it on by themselves rather than couple activity. The aces tell you the most about masturbation habits. On top of that, it’s how they want to become ‘one’ with their partner.

⎡HARMONY⎦⇁ if there’s one thing a deck can do, it’s this. the tarot will give you lightning-fast reflections on whether your intimate time would be/is/was harmonious or not, healthy or not. should you however get a card that is ambiguous in meaning, focus on how the image makes you feel like and you know the answer.

⎡SPREADS ⎦⇁ for a mysterious reason, the tarot seems to like 5-card spreads for sexual readings. it seems to be the sacred number right here. maybe it’s how the body has five outermost points, the four limbs and head. so, a star-shaped spread works wonders congruently.

[soonhoonsol]

Welcome to soonhoonsol’s gif tutorial!

As a nice anon asked me how I make my gifs, I thought it’d be cool to create an in-depth tutorial :) Perhaps this can help some others enter the gif-ing world too!

What we’ll be using for this tutorial:

Software: Bandicam, Avisynth, Photoshop CC 2018, Topaz Labs

File Format: .mp4

Operating System: Windows

Disclaimer: This is just my method. Every gif maker works differently and has different preferences. What works for me may not work for you, and that’s completely okay!

Let’s get into it!

1. Find the best quality video you can find

This really depends on the content you want to gif. For variety shows, music videos or photoshoots, any video of [1080p] should be sufficient. Try not to use anything below 720p.

For stage performances, fancams tend to have higher resolutions [1440p, 4k]. Use these if your computer can handle it. If not, usually 1080p works fine. The best option would be to download .ts files, which provide clearer and less grainy videos.

For Seventeen, you can get .ts files from The Rosebay on Twitter :)

2. Screen recording

As a Windows user, I don’t have a built-in screen recorder on my laptop. So, I use Bandicam, which is a free screen recording software. The only con to it is that it has a watermark.

To combat the watermark, I always have the boundary box a little bigger than the video itself so that I can crop it out of the gif.

This is what the recording would look like:

Just record the scene(s) that you want to gif so your video file doesn’t end up too large! Your recording should be in .mp4 format.

(You may use pure .ts files in Avisynth but it never worked well for me so I usually screen record the .ts video and move on)

You can find your recorded videos in Documents > Bandicam.

3. Avisynth

I followed THIS tutorial to download Avisynth. This software is really helpful if you want sharp and clear gifs! I recommend to follow the steps in the tutorial as the below method stems from it.

- Once you have downloaded it, open up your recorded video from Step 2 and watch it. Take note of the duration you want to gif. (e.g. from 00:01 to 00:05)

- Drag your video file into normalwebrange.bat. On Windows, you can find this in File Explorer > Local Disk (C:) > video. For other .bat files, you may check out THIS tutorial.

- In the pop-up box, key in the start time for your gif (e.g. 00:00:01). It has to be in hh:mm:ss format. Press “enter”.

- Key in the end timing and press “enter” again. A resizer should pop up in an Internet Browser. I found that Firefox works best for me.

- In the resizer, you may indicate the size of the gif you’d like to make. You can also click and drag the video to resize and frame it to your liking. You may refer to THIS post for Tumblr dashboard sizing.

(These are some common gif sizes for stage performances):

1 gif - 540px by 540px (square)

2 gifs - 268px by 350px

3 gifs - 177/178px by 250px

- Under “Preprocessor”, select “debilinear” for the second box. For the first box, you may pick between qtgmc 30 (same frame rate as video) or qtgmc 60 (doubles the frame rate; smoother).

- You will also see “fast” or “slow” options. These are just how long the video will take to render. “Fast” will give you slightly lower quality as compared to “slow”, but usually is good enough.

(You can see that his features are sharper and more defined in the “slow” gif as compared to the “fast” one.)

- Copy the code in the white box. Navigate to the scripting window (it should have popped up with the resizer) and paste the code at line 17. Type a “#” before qtgmc on the same line. This will prevent the software from lagging.

- Click on the inverted triangle at the bottom of the screen. Your video will now appear in the scripting window. Drag the slider to the intended starting point of your gif and press the “home” key on your keyboard.

- Drag the slider again to the intended ending point of your gif and press the “end” key on your keyboard. This blue area you see is the duration of your gif.

- On an empty line (I usually go to line 8), place your cursor there and click “Apply” in the mini pop-up window. Afterwards, remove the “#” from line 17.

- Go to File > Save or press Ctrl + S to save the code. Close the scripting window. The video renderer will pop up. When it’s done, it will automatically close by itself.

4. Using Photoshop and Topaz

I’m using my school license for Photoshop 2018, but if you don’t have that, there are plenty of cracked versions for free. I don’t have any to recommend though so I’m sorry about that :(

I followed THIS video tutorial to download Topaz plug-ins for free. I use Topaz DeNoise (the most helpful) and Clean, but you may use others if you’d like :)

Alright, let’s dive in to the steps!

- Open up Photoshop and go to File > Import > Video Frames to Layers.

- A pop-up will appear. You can find your deinterlaced Avisynth video in File Explorer > Local Disk (C:) > video > temp > video.avi. Follow the settings in the picture and click “OK”.

- Go to Window > Timeline to open up the timeline. You should be able to see your gif spread out in frames. If you press the play button, it should play like a video.

- (Quick optional step I learned from THIS tutorial) Go to Image > Canvas and set the Resample option to “Bicubic (smooth gradients)”.)

- Select the first frame of your gif in the timeline. Shift select the last frame. Go to Window > Layers. Shift select these layers as well.

- With everything selected, click the 3 lines at the top right corner of the timeline. Select “Convert to Video Timeline”.

- At the top of the screen, select Filter > Convert for Smart Filters. Your layers will condense into one layer. Don’t worry, your gif is fine.

- Now it’s time to sharpen the gifs. Go to Filter > Sharpen > Smart Sharpen. Play around with the settings to your liking!

- If you’ve downloaded Topaz correctly, it should appear under Filter > Topaz Labs. If a pop-up asks you for an activation key, you may use THESE to activate it for free.

- Go to Filter > Topaz Labs > DeNoise and/or Clean and play with the settings until you’re satisfied.

5. Blurring

If your gifs have captions/logos that are distracting, you’d want to blur them out. Don’t be like 2018 me that blurred out the logo frame by frame; it’s very tiring. Instead, using this method from @scoupsy‘s tutorial, you’ll save lots of time.

- In the Layers tab (Windows > Layers), select the “New Layer” icon. It should be blank.

- Select the Brush tool. Make sure the “Hardness” setting is below 20%. This will blend the blurring nicely into the gif.

(For the sake of this tutorial, I will be blurring out the Bandicam logo to show you.)

- Paint over the captions/logos. Make sure this is on the blank layer!

- Duplicate (Right Click > Duplicate) the gif layer and drag it so that it’s on top of the blank layer.

- Right click on the duplicate layer and select “Create Clipping Mask”.

- Go to Filter > Blur > Gaussian Blur and play around with the settings until you’re satisfied with the level of blurring. Click “OK”.

6. Flattening & Colouring

- Once you’re done with sharpening and/or blurring, click on the 3 lines on at the right corner of the video timeline and go to Convert Frames > Flatten Frames Into Clips.

- Topaz layers and blurring will take some time to render so you can just chill for now~

- When it’s done rendering, click again on the 3 lines and go to Convert Frames > Make Frames From Clips.

- Convert it back to the gif timeline by clicking on the 3-box icon at the bottom left of the timeline.

- Select the first frame of your gif. It must be the FIRST.

- Scroll to the top of the layers and select the layer at the top. Any other layers you add should be on top of this layer. VERY IMPORTANT!!

- In the Adjustments Tab (Window > Adjustments), there are many different things to play with. There’s a high chance you won’t use everything, but here’s a few of my favourites.

Levels - Adjust the brightness and contrast of your gif in depth.

Hue/Saturation - Useful for changing colours, or switching it to black and white.

Color Balance - Tweak the colours to your liking.

Colour Lookup - Comes with built-in LUTs that you can use as a preset. Great starting point for colouring. Saves time too. You can even download plug-ins for this. 11/10 tool.

Selective Colour - Adjust the vibrancy of specific colours.

- Colouring is completely up to the gifmaker. Go crazy go stupid :D

7. Exporting

We’re almost to the end!

- Set the timing for your gif.

If you used qtgmc30, the best timing would be 0.04s / 0.05s / 0.06s.

If you used qtgmc60, the best timing would be 0.02s / 0.03s / 0.04s.

- Once you’re satisfied with everything, go to File > Export > Save for Web (Legacy).

- Follow the settings in the picture below:

- Tumblr’s gif limit is 10mb per gif. Check the gif size at the bottom left of the pop-up window. Make sure it’s below 10mb; the smaller the better.

- Click “Save”. Choose where you’d like to save the gif.

- Done!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that’s it! You’ve successfully made a gif! Good job you :D

I hope this tutorial was helpful! Please leave some feedback if it helped, or if you have other methods you’d like to share :)

Lastly, if you have any questions, feel free to send in an ask or DM me!! :)

Good luck and happy gif-ing :’D

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: The Ghost Gang

Debut: Pac-Man

Fufufu... frighteningly Funky Friday, friends!

This post has been waiting patiently in the drafts since my Pac-Man fixation way back in July, and it has really been about time it gets to be posted. And what better Friday to talk about ghosts than the one before Halloween? I can think of two. One would be Friday the 13th, and the other would be a Friday that Halloween itself falls on. But I’m posting it today! On only the third most ideal of Fridays!

Yes, I’ve already talked at length about some Pac-Man ghosts, but there are so much MORE. And they’re all so wonderful. My Best Ever Characters list includes “Ghosts” in the Namco character section, because they are all so wonderful. And now we’ll talk about some more notable ones!

So, here we have the Ghost Gang of Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde, in and around their Ghost House, in an image I got from the Annoying Orange Wiki. Though I love them all, I’m not gonna talk in depth about ALL of them, and out of these four, I’ll give the spotlight to my darling Clyde.

Look at him. Do you think he’s darling? Yes, you do. You are probably aware that each ghost has their own behavior, and Clyde will target Pac-Man until he gets close enough to him, then entering “scatter mode”, where he will instead move randomly. Why change it up when you’re so close? Does he even WANT to catch him? Well, I have a theory...

The official Pac-Man Twitter has not one, but TWO posts showing Pac and Clyde as friends, emphasizing the importance of kindness. And it’s just Clyde he seems to be friends with... so this has me thinking, they’re Secret Friends! While Clyde is part of the Ghost Gang, he doesn’t actually WANT to attack Pac, so he targets him to make it LOOK like he’s doing his job. When he gets close, he sort of just lingers around to try and seem like he’s doing something while not actively trying to get him. It’s the perfect strategy, and the others have never found out, and Clyde and Pac get to be friends, and it makes me happy.

Before I talk about some more ghosts, I’d like to analyze the ghosts as a whole! Pretty much every Pac-Man game has its own self-contained “canon”, if you can call it that, and each one brings its own interpretation of what the ghosts truly are. And my favorite of those is that of the very first game!

The first Pac-Man has three intermissions, famous for being where the second-most iconic Pac-Jingle is from, but they deserve to be even more famous for how bizarre they get. The first is pretty standard, with Pac being chased by Blinky, only to turn the tables and chase Blinky instead. The second, however, has Blinky get his sheet caught on something sticking out of the ground and rip, revealing a human-like leg! Are the ghosts just people wearing sheets...? Nope! Because in the third and final intermission, Blinky’s sheet comes ALL the way off, revealing him to be some bizarre flesh blob, wearing a sheet! Awesome! Is this true for all four of the ghosts? Is just Blinky hiding this embarrassing secret? Pick whatever explanation you think is funniest!

My SECOND favorite is from Pac-Man 2: The New Adventures, a wacky point-and-click style adventure game where you manipulate Pac’s emotions in order to make him do funny things. I highly respect whoever thought this should be localized as the direct sequel to the most iconic video game of all time. But in this one, the base of villainous operations is a creepy factory, and if Pac gets caught in the machines, he turns into this familiar shape! Is... is this factory MAKING ghosts? Are they artificial? Wow!

The other iterations don’t have nearly as wacky implications for how the ghosts came to be, but I’ll tell them anyway. In the Pac-Man World series, they seem to be naturally occurring creatures native to the Spectral Realm, who entered Pac-Man’s dimension and began to live on Ghost Island. In Ghostly Adventures, they’re the souls that were forcibly extracted by the Pac-People who were on the losing side of a world war that killed Pac-Man’s parents, and are now forced to spend eternity in the Pac-Man equivalent of Hell. Bo-ring!

And now time to talk about even more ghosts you may not know about!

Clyde is the only member of the Ghost Gang I’m actually going to talk about here, because there are so many ghosts that the world needs to know about! Like Orson from Pac-Man World! He built and piloted a scary robot Pac-Man and kidnapped Pac-Man’s friends and family, but he just wanted to be loved. Pac does not accept this as an excuse. He eats Orson without a shred of remorse. I guess it’s justified from his perspective. They become friends later, though! Canon ghost friend!

Speaking of canon ghost friends, there’s Miru from Pac & Pal (she’s the pal)! I know she doesn’t look like a ghost, but she might be one. It’s kind of unclear. But I love her so here she is. She helps Pac by collecting fruit for him, but this gets fewer points than Pac doing it himself, so some players don’t like it. I, however, think it is worth losing a few potential points in order to let Miru feel like she’s helping.

Yet another friendly ghost is Yum-Yum from Junior Pac-Man! She is the daughter of Blinky, and she and Junior just want to be together, but of course, their parents will not allow it. That, however, is what ultimately allows them to be together, as while their parents are off bickering, the two little lovers are able to escape together! How lovely! Too bad Junior Pac-Man is in some bizarre copyright limbo and Yum-Yum never appeared again. Goodbye.

Here we have Bash, who is a somewhat strange character. He looks like he’d be the big bad boss of all the ghosts, right? Maybe even their ruler? Well, maybe he is, but we don’t know, because he was made exclusively for the Pac-Man crossover event in Sonic Dash! He never appeared again! I think he should, though! He’s funny. Despite his apparent authority, he just talks like a school bully.

One of the newest ghosts at the time of writing is Creepy, who as I’m sure you can tell, debuts in the Pac-Man DLC for Minecraft! This DLC is kind of weird. But good weird, because Miru is playable! Her most major role ever! But this is Creepy’s paragraph. He explodes, and this hurts not only the player, but his fellow ghosts, and even destroys walls, which crumble into glitchy text! Especially neat is that, when eaten, his eyes remain black with white pupils as they retreat to the Ghost House!

The VERY newest ghost at the time of writing is Itchy, from Pac-Man Party Royale! Itchy is not a “dangerous” ghost, but a “mischievous” one, and I think that’s great. As far as I know, they are only capable of inverting a player’s controls, but new effects were said to be included at some point. What a pleasant design, too, with the seafoam coloration and black sclerae! And how magical it was to witness a NEW GHOST revealed in real-time, during the time when Pac-Man was all I could think about! What are the odds? The odds were high. It’s the 40th anniversary year.

Finally, I will leave you with this little fellow. He appears in Pac-Man Arrangement, and is constantly vulnerable, even acting like a Power Pellet when eaten! However...

He can combine with the other ghosts to transform them, giving them new abilities! Blinky gains the ability to charge forward, Pinky can now hop to far-off points in the maze, Inky creates a mirror duplicate of himself that mimics his movements, and Clyde wanders around spitting up extra Pac-Dots in places Pac-Man has already been. That’s so cool! I love this ghost! I love that he has cute little nerd glasses, I love his role in the game, everything! Why haven’t we seen more of him? What’s his name, anyway?

I see.

[ivy-kissobryos]

Thai Folk Magic

Below are some analysis of folk spells from Thailand, along with the theories of how magic works. All quotes are from "Monks and Magic: Revisiting a Classic Study of Religious Ceremonies in Thailand" by Barend Jan Terwiel. First, we will discuss love spells. Totally recommend the book to anyone interested. Everything that I read so far seem very accurate to what I experienced growing up.

Love Magic

One man reputedly won his wife by drawing a simple magical diagram, one of the category of the yan napaṭhamaṃ, while thinking intensively of the woman he wished to marry and saying the appropriate khatha. He waited seven days for the magic to take effect and, when approaching her, he noticed that she was more favourably inclined towards him. Yan napaṭhamaṃ means literally: ‘The first, or foremost letter N diagram’. The letter N occurs frequently in Thai mystical drawings, probably because it may be regarded as an extreme abbreviation of the expression namo buddhāya, hail to the Buddha.

The idea of drawing holy symbols in order to bring about an outcome is something common among many cultures, both eastern and western (like in Catholic folk magic where the cross is drawn for protection and to invoke the higher powers). I just find this intriguing because I keep seeing the symbol of the yan napaṭhamaṃ pretty much everywhere in Thailand, both painted on the ceiling of a taxi, on top of doorways or in front of windows. Good to finally find out what it means.

Another method to ensure the love of a woman, also reported by Textor, is to sit close by her while smoking a cigarette. The man should draw smoke deep into his lungs and, whilst softly saying the right spell, blow out the smoke so that it envelops her. A much stronger method consists of scooping up some earth with the big toe of the right foot, taking the earth in the right hand and rubbing it on the top of the head, whilst invoking the goddess of the earth, Mother Thorani (ธรณี), to assist in the acquisition of a bride.

The last two examples reveal that, as the magical practices become more strong and persuasive, less attractive material is used. It is not pleasant to be enveloped in smoke, and rubbing earth over one’s head is an action no Thai will perform lightly. The earth is often associated with pollution because it can be the recipient of human waste and animal droppings. Moreover, scooping up a bit of earth with the foot must be regarded as an abnormal, ‘inverted’ activity. The feet are the parts of the body that are held in lowest regard, and reaching for something with the foot is regarded in Thailand as the epitome of bad manners.

It is said among men that prostitutes use a similar magic. Reputedly a prostitute sprinkles some water that contains vaginal excretion at the doorposts and above the door of the house where she lives. A man walking near the door may suddenly be irresistibly drawn over the threshold. If he is wearing his string of amulets he should quickly take it off and give it to a friend in safe keeping before entering the house.

The quotes above is interesting in that the concept of holiness and unholiness (or pollution) is used to compel someone, with love/compulsion being viewed as a dirty thing.

When a woman is convinced that her husband gives cause for jealousy she may make a potion or a powder that contains some of her vaginal excretion. If a man consumes some food that contains this potion or powder, he reputedly loses interest in all other women and devotes his complete attention to the woman from whose secretions the mixture was made. A woman who resorts to these means should take care to practise this kind of magic in secret; if the man finds out that his food has been treated in such a manner, he would be very angry indeed, for her vaginal excretion will surely have destroyed the power of many of his tattoos and amulets and rendered him vulnerable.

Here, bodily fluids are used. This is like in various folk magic where menstrual blood is dropped into the food of someone in order to compel them to be attracted to you. What is more intriguing is the notion that something unclean like vaginal excretion could be used to render magical tattoos and amulets useless. Extrapolating from that, I believe that if one wishes to desecrate something, one could sprinkle water mixed with vaginal excretions onto it.

He reports that, if a woman fears that her husband has been treated with the vaginal excretion of another woman, she should obtain water from the bottom of three or seven taxi boats, and some moss from around the sanctuary of a monastery, or from the boundary stones of a bot. If her husband eats food containing a mixture of these materials, his previously alienated affection is restored. The substances chosen to counter the effects of aggressive love magic of another woman are obviously considered magically powerful in their own right [...] Water from the bottom of taxi boats must be seen as polluted and aggressive: it is where the wood starts rotting, the stagnant water has often an unpleasant smell, and it may contain particles of dirt from the feet of countless passengers. Moss that grows on the sanctuary of a monastery appears more ambiguously charged. On the one hand, it can usually be found on ground level, and may have been dirtied by the many dogs that roam the premises. On the other hand, a small amount of the beneficial power that is continually generated in the building itself may have permeated as far as the mossy outside. It seems, however, that the aggressive aspects prevail for the moss is reported to be one of the ingredients of a magically highly potent substance used to kill enemies.

For clarifications, a "bot" as referred to in the quote above translates roughly to temple. Again, the concept of sympathetic magic is used, dirtiness contrasted with holiness. Now let's discuss where magic comes from within this belief system.

Origins of Magic

In order to make a pressed or printed image, commonly known as phra phim (พระ พิมพ์), a monk needs, apart from the mould, a recipe, the proper ingredients, and considerable knowledge of spells, the sacred script and magical drawings. Historians will be sad to hear that one of the common ingredients of phra phim is the ash obtained from burning the oldest handwritten sacred books of the monastery [...] The amulets derive their protective power partly from the association with powerful things. The phra phim are made from sacred ingredients.

Phra phim is a type of flat, printed amulet. Amulets are sacred because something within them is sacred. The idea of burning holy texts to add power to a spell or enchantment is also similar to other forms of folk magic, such as in Catholic folk magic where psalms may be written and burnt and their ashes be used for protection or other purposes. However, as will be explained below, consecration is needed to make the amulets functioning.

In general, the inherent quality of the amulets is considered insufficient to ensure protection to the person who wears them. Apart from being made from auspicious material and depicting powerful symbols, the amulets usually ought to be sacralized. This sacralization can take many forms. The most elementary sacralization ritual, called pluksek (ปลุกเสก), can be observed, for example, when a monk gives a small Buddha image to a layman. Taking the image in both hands, the monk brings it close to his mouth and murmurs a short Pali formula. While uttering the final syllable of the spell, the monk may blow sharply upon this Buddha image. Some monks prefer to draw a simple yan over the amulet with the index finger of the right hand or with a pencil while saying the Pali words.

I used to translate "pluksek” as consecration, but here I can see why sacralization also makes sense. The way breath is used to imbue powers in an object is also a universal thing that is present in many forms of magic.

Another thing that is of note is that magic isn't simply sympathetic, but also based upon the concept of proximity and contagion.

The closer to the seat of magical power, the stronger is the influence of that force. Any object of the appropriate shape that is exposed to a strong dose of magical power will become a secondary seat of the force. This has been amply demonstrated in the rituals surrounding amulets [...] This is why the bundles of such objects are placed near a monk who is preaching, why the begging bowl of an ordinand contains them, and why bowls of water stand near the monks who complete their pavāraṇā ceremony. The principle is apparent in the rituals designed to sacralize amulets as well as those where a bowl of water is charged.

Placing water near a monk speaking holy words makes the water somewhat more holy than it was before. But, magic isn't just man-made. It's all around us, a part of the natural world.

It has been shown that, in addition to the protective power that emanates from people who utter sacred words or who meditate, there are ambiguous forces in the animated world, forces that may protect, but that could also be harmful. Examples of the ambiguous powers are the gods, the spirits of the ancestors, the anthropomorphic and theriomorphic powers that live in nature and are the legendary original owners of the environment, and guardian spirits.

There is no sharp division between physical powers of nature and magical power. The earth, which possesses the capacity to make plants grow and thrive, is sometimes seen in the shape of a beautiful female, Mae Thorani. Under the earth is the domain of the chief of the Nak, a serpent-like shape with the face of a dragon. The wind, the river, a tree, a house, and the monastery, each of these is connected with one or more unseen powers, conceived of in anthropomorphic form, and each of these unseen powers has its specific likes and dislikes. A farmer learns to attract their attention with candles, incense, and flowers, and develops skills in addressing and pleasing them. Nature has provided men with unexpected seats of power. For example, a termite hill may acquire a reputation for bringing luck; or when lightning strikes a building, the scorched plaster is regarded as magically powerful. A lump of resin that shows the shape of a Buddha is sacred, and a big stone that is dragged up from the river brings prosperity when laid in the rice-storage hut.

Death and the Afterlife

Now, I wish to discuss something less about magic and more about religion.

In the mouth a coin is placed, which the soul of the dead person needs in order to pay the fare to cross the underworld river, guarded by Phra Ketkaew Culamani, (เก็จแก้วจุฬมณี) or ‘Lord Bright Gem Jewel’. Probably this is Yama, the Hindu god who presides over the dead and who is described as ‘with a glittering form, a crown on his head’. This is followed by the ritual of tra sang (ตราสัง), ‘binding the corpse’. The undertaker uses a piece of white unspun cotton thread to bind the neck, feet and hands whilst saying the Pali formula: ‘Putto gīve, dhano pade, bhariya hatthe’. This is interpreted as a spell with which to free a person from the three strongest ties in this world: from the tie of children (whilst putting a loop with the cord around the neck), from wealth (when binding the feet), and from the tie of the spouse (while the hands are tied).

Two things are interesting here. First, being that payment is needed to cross an underworld river. This is very reminiscent of the myth of Charon and the crossing of river styx. The second interesting point is the use of binding magic. I have witness the ritual performed but at the time, I didn't understand what it meant. The irony of binding someone in order to free them is also very striking.

Other Tai peoples, especially the White and Black Tais of northern Vietnam, who do not seem to be influenced by Buddhism, have quite different views. In their eyes, a person has many khwan that, upon death, divide themselves in groups; some khwan go to the spirit world above, some are conducted to the house and can be worshipped on the ancestral shrine, while the remainder stay in the grave.

The quote above explores the question many people may ask: where do souls go after we die? I have pondered this question many times- if I give all that I am to the Witchfather, would my soul continue to serve Him even after death? If I devote myself to the Theoi, do I get to gain entry to the Hellenic afterlife? Would that mean that upon death, I could never interact with the spirits of my ancestors again as we are of different religious beliefs? The concept of khwan solves this line of thinking, in my opinion. There are many independent khwan in your body, just like your body is made up of millions of miniscule cells. Perhaps, a part of me would fall into milk and join the Theoi upon death, perhaps another will stay here to guide whoever comes after me. We are multitudes, both in life and in death.

[literaryeagle]

For my seventieth Evangelion book review, here is EVANGELION Millennials 2, published by Poplar Sha. This is a new mook (magazine-book hybrid) that came out just a few weeks ago, and as you can probably guess by the title, it is a sequel to the first EVANGELION Millennials (which I covered back in my sixty-sixth review). So this is another mook that is focused on fashion, which is why the cover art in the above image shows Tentative Name: Rei Ayanami wearing a hoodie over her plugsuit. Wow, she looks super stylish like that!

Of course, this publication has new looks for the other pilots as well. Check out this illustration of Asuka, Shinji, Rei, Kaworu, and Mari:

The pilots are wearing clothes from the RADIO EVA brand. Even the bandanna tied around Kaworu's right ankle is from RADIO EVA! By the way, this mook is not available in English or French (although there are a few little bits of English text here and there), but there are plenty of full color pictures. There are also some extra special goodies… more on that later. Keep reading for the rest of the book review, plus a few more pictures!

After the Table of Contents, this mook starts with a recap of the first three installments in the Evangelion New Theatrical Edition (AKA the “Rebuild” movies). This recap mainly consists of several pages of screenshots, accompanied by brief story descriptions and quotes from the movies. There are also a few trivia questions about the dialogue, plus some pics of the Eva pilots in their plugsuits.

The next section is the MAI YONEYAMA Drawn Illustration Collection, which showcases art that Mai Yoneyama has done for the RADIO EVA clothing brand, including the first two images shown in this review. And yes, the cute cover picture of Asuka and Shinji from the first EVANGELION Millennials is also in here!

This is followed by the EVANGELION GOODS 2020 section, which starts with a catalog of new stuff from RADIO EVA. As I explained in my review of the first EVANGELION Millennials, the RADIO EVA brand specializes in everyday wear, and many of their garments tend to reference Evangelion in a subtle way. For example, here is a dress that has flowers on one arm, with the Spear of Longinus embroidered among the flowers:

Usually I find that RADIO EVA's clothes are a bit too plain for my tastes, however I have to admit that dress is kind of cute. Good job, RADIO EVA!

For those who don't need subtlety and would rather express their love for Evangelion in a more overt way, RADIO EVA has a few things for that as well. For example, one of the items shown below is a tote bag that has a Mai Yoneyama illustration of the Eva pilots:

In the above image, the two items underneath the tote bag are subtle ones again. The first is a simple purple hair tie that says "NERV" (the purple color is supposed to represent Evangelion Unit-01), and the other is a red key ring (the color represents Asuka). Oh, and for those who prefer more character merchandise, at the bottom of that page is a figurine of Rei wearing RADIO EVA clothes.

Moving on, the next part of this mook is a catalog of some items from the Evangelion Store, including a mug and a T-shirt bearing the name of the next movie, Evangelion: 3.0 + 1.0 Thrice Upon a Time. After that, there is the OFFICIAL SHOP GUIDE section with pictures and info about various Evangelion shops in Japan. The stores are described in both Japanese and English, to make things easier for tourists... once it's safe to travel again, I guess. Sigh.

Next is the EVANGELION NEWS section, which covers some Eva-related merchandise, events, and exhibits. For example, one of the exhibits is a huge Evangelion Unit-01 in a pool of LCL, located in Kyoto. This Eva is so big that you can pose for a photo standing in the palm of her hand!

After the NEWS, there is a page promoting the Eva Extra mobile app, and then an advertisement for the Evangelion Battlefields mobile game. Here is the Evangelion Battlefields ad:

And finally, on the back cover of the mook, you can see poster art for the upcoming movie Evangelion: 3.0 + 1.0 Thrice Upon a Time. Yay! Sure, you've probably seen this image online already, but it's nice to actually own a physical copy! The picture shows Shinji standing on train tracks. Here it is:

Yes, Shinji is there. He's standing in the distance, so he's very tiny in that picture. As for the film's release date, as you've most likely heard by now the movie was originally supposed to come out a few months ago (June 2020), but unfortunately it had to be delayed due to the COVID-19 pandemic. So the Japanese text at the bottom of the poster simply says "Kinjitsu Koukai" (Coming Soon). Sorry, folks. I know that's disappointing for many people, however it's understandable that safety should come first. Until then, I hope you all stay healthy and safe, so when the movie does come out we can get excited together!  (EDIT, March 2021: The movie's new release date is March 8, 2021!)

Anyway, that's it for the mook itself, which is only 35 pages long. But wait, we’re not done yet! As I mentioned before, some extra special goodies are included. The first item is a white T-shirt that says "The Beast", courtesy of RADIO EVA:

If you're wondering why "The Beast" is written backwards, it's because of Mari's words "Invert mode. Backdoor code... 'The Beast'!". So the designer was inspired by the words invert and back, get it? Well, that and I'm pretty sure the font is a reference to The Beatles. I would make a joke about playing the Evangelion movies backwards to listen for hidden messages, except that actually works in the Evangelion 2.0 movie, during the scene when the Dummy System is activated inside Unit-01! Seriously, it's creepy.

Anyway, getting back to the T-shirt, it's one size only, but of course people come in different shapes and sizes. So in case you're concerned about the fit, I have translated the shirt's measurements as stated in the mook...

Length: approximately 70 cm

Width: approximately 52 cm

Shoulder Width: approximately 46 cm

Sleeve Length: approximately 21 cm

Sleeve Width: approximately 19 cm

I hope that helps! Moving on, the second bonus item is a RADIO EVA sacoche (pouch) with a cross-body strap. It can carry small items, such as a wallet and/or mobile phone. Check it out:

In case it's not clear in the above photo, the pattern on the sacoche consists of Evangelion heads. Here's a closer look at the pattern, so you can see it better:

Overall, I think the best thing about EVANGELION Millennials 2 is Mai Yoneyama's illustrations. She has a good eye for detail, and I think she draws some great poses as well. However, most of RADIO EVA's clothes aren't really to my taste, so when it comes to fashion-related publications I prefer Mode EVANGELION and Mode EVANGELION2. That's just my personal opinion, though. If you love RADIO EVA, you'll probably find this mook a lot more interesting than I did. And that's cool! There are plenty of brands that make garments inspired by Evangelion, so it's nice that they cater to different preferences.

So if this mook (or the included goodies!) looks interesting to you, then please support the artists by purchasing it if you can! Check if your favorite source for buying Japanese books has it, and if not then ask them if they can order it for you. ^_^

Well, that’s it for my seventieth Evangelion book review. I have plenty more Evangelion books to discuss, so keep checking my blog for new reviews!

[berryblu-writes]

My theory on Ranboo's limbo

( I was going to write this right after cranboo died but never got to till now, so sorry for the inconsistencies, it's been in the drafts for a while)

I think ghostboo is both a contrast to ranboo, and an aspect of his personal limbo.

First! With him being a contrast, this is very obvious when we compare it to another ghost character such as ghostbur, ghostbur to me felt as if he was a fragment of the full Wilbur, a mix of his pain and what he wanted, this is why ghostbur only remembers the good parts, to shut out the pain, because i think a part of c!Wilbur just wanted to rest, wanted it all to be over and simultaneously wanted to go back to happier times, since after he and cTommy were exiled from manburg, things just kept getting worse.

Now we have ranboo and ghostboo, I think ghostboo is a contrast or antithesis of ranboo because of what he's displayed, he might as well have his colors inverted!

cranboo has been shown again and again to care a lot about other people, while he doesn't ever ally with a certain group, he very much reciprocates kindness with kindness, care with care, and he's loyal and protective to people that have won his trust.

So then comes ghostboo and... he doesn't care , ghostboo appears to be very diaconnected from his feelings and I'd say even his sense of self preservation has mostly gone out the window, he's actively doing whatever the heck he wants, despite the fact that Michael has been kidnapped, and (factually) knowing Tubbo will definetly be distraught, he instead goes with Tommy, who is also not doing okay (tm), but he doesn't seem to be there to help, just to watch, because he finds it entertaining.

Now think, what would be most painful to c!ranboo?

I'd say it's watching himself, or what he left behind at least, actively ignore everything and everyone he ever cared about.

-His limbo-

I think ranboo's limbo is a confusing mess of memories, be they past or present, the present ones not even being created by yourself.

it's like a livestream and compilation at the same time, and cranboo can only sit there and watch, see 'himself' say and do everything he thought he would never do, betraying the basic ideals he's held up until this point, but of course, as soon as he can almost really take in the image, it's gone again, replaced by a happy memory, that contrasts starkly with the previous one, or a memory of one of his mistakes, reminding him why he should be in limbo in the first place.

Not that he ever manages to retain anything fully, no, his memories are like sandcastles, laid down in one moment and swept away in the next, too close to the waves to survive more than a couple seconds, all he's left with is feelings and vague ideas, the feelings being much harder to scrub away than coherent recollections.

though at this point, he's unsure whether he should consider this a blessing or a curse.

[e-one-seven]

I did some researches on the Beholders because of Lucien's eyes and I found out about the existence of the Beholder's god, an entity known as The Great Mother. Please click on Keep reading to lose your sleep as I did.

This is the personality of the Great Mother as described in the Forgotten Realms Wiki:

Those that studied the Great Mother typically concluded that she was completely insane, lacking in the ruthless logic possessed by mortal beholders. In truth, she was dangerously intelligent, the method behind her madness simply being beyond the ability of most beings to understand. Ironically, her mind wasn't even divided into two halves, like most beholders. Still, while not crazy or mindless, the Great Mother was a creature of utter chaos and capricious whimsy, acting primarily on instinct and impulse. Often times, the Great Mother philosophized to herself about the nature of chaos and evil and was rumored to be the greatest sage on the subjects. She was said to be omniscient and did possess exclusive hidden lore, but seemed to be so knowledgeable that she was incapable of sharing it with any but the most intelligent entities, much less inferior beings. Some scholars speculated that she was not unable to convey such knowledge, but simply wouldn't provide it to lower-lifeforms, and indeed the Great Mother was a jealous and egotistical intellectual that refused to acknowledge even the notion that she could be mistaken. Befitting the deity of eye tyrants, she was said to have her own strange standards for her creations and would destroy or devour any that she found displeasing.

The objectives of this entity and hers followers are described as such:

Aside from birthing more beholders, the Great Mother's only other activity was drifting enigmatically in solitude throughout reality, particularly in the darker planes. She inexorably cruised through space deep in thought, always incomprehensibly gibbering in an alien protolanguage while experiencing bizarre visions. The purpose of her aimless journey wasn't to gather knowledge or magical secrets since she believed that she already knew all that was worth knowing.

The Greyhawk Wiki gives this description of her dogma:

The Great Mother exists to remake the multiverse in its image by filling it with its spawn, replacing all forms of life with monsters that resemble the Mother itself. It does not bother to acquire knowledge, because it has always known all that it could ever need to know. However, it cannot or will not communicate this knowledge to lesser beings, including its own offspring. It neglects its children, not bothering with omens or portents. Sometimes it will allow beholders to be entirely wiped out on a given world, while other times it will become enraged when even a small beholder community is threatened.

1d4chan.org gives us this about the Great Mother not-beholder followers:

Ocular Adept is a prestige class for humanoid followers of the Great Mother. To become one, they first have to approach a Beholder and convince it not to eat or disintegrate them. After the hard part is over they enter into a surgical pact, where a Beholder-kin eyeball is implanted in their forehead. This provides them a link to the Great Mother's power and allows them to perform eyebeam attacks similar to true Beholders. [...] Ocular Adepts have a separate divine spellcasting progression up to level 5 spells, which is in line with that of a Cleric. However, the Great Mother grants more low-level spells than a Cleric and only a few high-level ones. This is because while the Great Mother is "happy" enough to accept followers from non-Beholder races, she prefers to reserve high level spell power for those who really deserve it.

I know the Somnovem is a hive-mind created by nine ancient wizards, but beside that, the similarities between what it is implied being their purpose, how they act and how they give powers to the mortals are too many to be ignored. After all, if Lucien's abilities are really inspired by Beholders, why can't the Somnovem being inspired by the very being behind the creation of the Beholders in the official D&D lore? Which is not a group of deranged philosophers, but an actual god? If that's the case, it means that Lucien is not as unique as he believes, and the Somnovem actually wants to create more beings like him, just like the Great Mother wants to create more Beholders to shape her ideal vision of reality.

This is my theory: the Somnovem is a hive-mind, and they give eyes to the people who read into their scripts or got touched by their stream of consciousness. But some people are strong enough to retain an autonomy and freely use the powers of the hive, and they have the potential to become a Nonagon, a sort of Avatar of the Somnovem. Strong of will or powerful enough to retain their full autonomy is hard to tell for now. Those who can't retain the autonomy become part of the mind-hive, sleeping agents for the Nonagon and the Somnovem to be used as they please. They retain autonomy most of the time, but they are mentally conditioned to execute the will of the Nonagon in case they need their help. But if a person strong enough to resist, they can decide to try and murder another Nonagon to have that power for themselves, like Vess DeRogna did. If this is the case, when a Nonagon dies the Somnovem doesn't even care: the previous Nonagon comes back to be part of the City, and the new, more powerful one executes their will just like the previous one did. But when Lucien died it was different: Lucien was willing to spread their knowledge and add more minds to their hive, but Vess DeRogna wasn't. She just wanted to reach them into the Astral Sea and that was it. So they decided to guide Cree and bring Lucien back to life once that Mollymauk Tealeaf died. They gave him the chance to get his revenge and complete his mission.

Vess DeRogna killing Lucien might be circumstantial, but it might as well be a side effect of the wish of the Nonagon to join the perfect mind of the Somnovem: a person able to retain autonomy might corrupt the Somnovem with their imperfect human mind who was graced by a power they can't comprehend, and therefore they need to be destroyed. This would be just like when two Beholders meet each other: they see themselves as perfect beings and the other as a loathsome impostor who needs to be eliminated. This only if they retain autonomy: if they are a part of the hive-mind they are nothing more than an extension of themselves, therefore there is no danger into letting them live.

What does that mean for Beau and Caleb? That they might be the Somnovem's plan B in case Lucien fails. One of them might be forced to become the new Nonagon unless the Mighty Nein don't stop the process in time (and Artagan confirmed that there is a way to invert the process, but they were not able to access it at Level 13). And they will have to do it: have you read the part above about the Ocular Adepts? What 1d4chan doesn't say is that the Great Mother can Disintegrate an Ocular Adept at any moment through their third eye if they displease her. But the Somnovem and the Nonagon seem to prefer blasting the brain with psychic energy, so probably if they have a way to kill someone from a long distance it might not be a potential permadeath. And it might not be activated until all the nine eyes will be implanted, which is unlikely to happen before the battle with Lucien in Aeor.

(If this fail-safe exists, why did the Somnovem let Vess DeRogna live if she was unworthy? Because if she died at the wrong time the book would have been lost, and there were no other Nonagons in charge because the Somnovem cult is so little known. They needed Lucien to be alive again to retrieve it and go in with their plan. And suddenly her dying from a single attack makes sense: that neck-lift blast is not powerful enough to kill a person unless something already weakened them before. It was Lucien and the Somnovem who killed her.)

[laconservancy]

An Iconic Mural in the Heart of Historic Filipinotown

Photo credit: M. Rosalind Sagara

Named one of the top 20 iconic murals in Los Angeles by L.A. Weekly, “Gintong Kasaysayan, Gintong Pamana” (“A Glorious History, A Golden Legacy”) in Historic Filipinotown’s Unidad Park turned 25 years old last year. Commissioned by the Social and Public Art Resource Center (SPARC) and created by artist Eliseo Art Silva in 1995, the mural tells a story of the awakening of Filipino national and political consciousness, and pays tribute to Filipinos, both locally and nationally. 

In May, the L.A. Conservancy’s Neighborhood Outreach Manager M. Rosalind Sagara interviewed artist Eliseo Art Silva about the mural, Historic Filipinotown, and how the two contribute to our growing understanding and appreciation of Asian American & Pacific Islander (AAPI) heritage in Los Angeles. 

RS: What inspired Gintong Kasaysayan, Gintong Pamana?

ES: Chapter eight of Jose Rizal's novel Noli Me Tangere is titled "Recuerdos," and it depicts a scene wherein the main protagonist encounters a kind of inverted telescope which converges Europe and Manila in one scene. Rizal calls it "The Spectre of Comparisons": a charged space where nationalism, art, and the imagination emerge from. It was the kind of space I wanted to recreate in the expansive “Great Wall of Pilipinotown" so that ultimately, we can emerge both a Creative Economy and Ethnic Economy within the Filipino enclave of Los Angeles. At that time (1994-1995), the area was not yet designated as HiFi. Filipino leaders Uncle Roy Morales and Joel Jacinto have said that the Filipino mural was integral to the successful designation of the district as Historic Filipinotown. 

RS: How does the mural fit in to the story of Historic Filipinotown? 

ES: There were four murals in Filipinotown painted by Filipino Americans with a Filipino theme prior to “Gintong Kasaysayan,” and two more painted after, but only “Gintong Kasaysayan” has been preserved. Three of the murals were lost to demolition and the other three were painted over without protest or resistance. The other artists that painted Filipino murals within the neighborhood are Faustino Caigoy, Orlando Castillo, and Papo De Asis. 

Since previous attempts to Filipinize Filipinotown were largely limited to Bahay Kubo ("Nipa Hut") aesthetics and the mentality it generates of minimizing the achievements of pre-colonial Philippines as a major player of The Filipino Story, “Gintong Kasaysayan” shifts the Filipino perspective. From one largely shaped by the Americanization movement, designed to rid the Philippines of Filipinos, to one that takes The Filipino Story as the main protagonist. It elevates Filipinos as a major player in America’s cultural landscape so our own Filipino community can earn and deserve that equal seat at the table of power and influence. Why have a seat at the table if all that we bring to the table is the stories of foreigners in our country told "on their behalf"?  

What the “Gintong Kasaysayan” mural offers to the city is what the Filipino community can offer and why they deserve that equal seat at the table. What the mural provides is The Filipino Story. It challenges people to answer the question: What is "Filipino" in Historic Filipinotown? 

At times, it aims to make people uncomfortable that they do not know enough about the story of Filipinos in this country and city, along with making Filipinos uncomfortable that they themselves do not take their own Filipino Story seriously enough to make it the main event in their own lives and humanity.

Festival of Philippine Arts and Culture, 2020

RS: Has the mural encountered challenges over its lifetime and how have these been addressed? 

ES: Yes, many challenges have surfaced throughout the more than 25 years that the mural was in public view in that area of the city. 

First of all, the Filipino community had not held an annual event in front of the mural until I initiated the Larry Itliong Day celebration in 2015 at Unidad Park. Because “Gintong Kasaysayan” was largely ignored by our own community for most of its two decades in the neighborhood, there were several instances when we almost lost the mural or the cultural integrity of the site. 

When I moved to the East Coast in 2000 and lived there for 15 years, the mural came to a point when the residents around the mural wanted to cover the it with a 15-foot-tall fence to accommodate 25 community garden beds which would have obstructed the entire length of the wall. Had I not happened to visit the site while the meetings were being conducted, that community garden would have completely covered the entire length of the mural. 

My personal protest produced the current mural signage for the public to recognize the significance of the mural and the site to the City of Los Angeles and the Filipino community. There was also a time when the neighborhood came close to erecting a life-size full figure monument honoring Bishop Romero at the center of the dap-ay space. 

(Author’s note: The dap-ay is circular in form and intended to create a communal gathering space. It is a character-defining feature of Unidad Park and is believed to be the first of its kind outside of the Philippines.) 

RS: What is your favorite part of the mural? 

ES: The shifts in meaning. I like the parts intended to be ambiguous, challenging and uncomfortable. 

RS: How do murals link the past to the present? 

ES:  I believe that murals are the best way to document communities. At its best, art and murals are not didactic, yet reveal core truths. I see murals as a kind of palimpsest intended to build upon previous stories and images which have ceased to be relevant, active and engaging. 

RS: Do you have favorite mural in L.A.? 

ES: América Tropical by David Siqueiros is my favorite mural in L.A

[lostsoulaltair]

OnS Theories (16S). Fifth Theory - Michael vs Michaela

Hello everyone, I hope you’re doing well; stay home if you’re able to, have a good day and be safe if there are activities out there!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxLsI5AKLpE

Today, I will talk about a rather interesting theory, perhaps you might have noticed the curious issue within the title of the theory alone; therefore let’s begin!

As you might recall, I’ve been stating that Guren’s final plan is to bring forward an entity or power that would reflect the archangel Michael and this is heavily based on having Yuichiro, Asuramaru and Mika as one sole being with a bond alone.

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 86

Guren’s wish relies on Asuramaru, Yu and Mika such thing stated by Noya Hienma

But you might wonder, how could this be possible if the theory title suggests a fight between two beings that require Mikaela for it?

Surprisingly, it’s not a fight against two beings but rather a fight against time. What do I mean?

Currently, humans are in a race against time; they’re fighting against the plans of the First Progenitor; and all of his creations; humanity alone only has few vampires by their side which includes Ferid Bathory, Crowley Eusford and Krul Tepes.

You might wonder if Yu’s going to believe or trust Guren after all that’s happened and surprisingly; since it involves something he wishes and wants, it’s likely to see Yuichiro accepting the offer but maybe, there’s a chance he sets up conditions.

But returning or focusing again to the theory let’s focus on this versus issue:

1. The cursed gear and the demon Mikaela. The rising of Michael

This of course is speculation or moreover a “what if” Guren managed to catch the demon Mikaela instead of the First Progenitor, therefore, let’s proceed with this first point.

It is well known that the demon Mikaela is the current most powerful demon among those of the black series; he’s a newborn demon absorbed in his own world of dreams but of course, as any demon, he seeks to find a human to possess and devour its desires but, within this, the demon Mikaela is an important being not only to Guren or Mahiru, but to Krul Tepes as well, but why?

So far, Mahiru made a deal between Krul Tepes and her in order to halt the control of the First Progenitor;

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 98

The information of such deal is left unknown or ambiguous due to the fact that the First Progenitor interfered and took over Shinoa’s consciousness to sneak and hear the details as well but thanks to Krul, being able to sense the First Progenitor; she stopped the conversation in order to not let the First Progenitor peek into it.

But it can be asumed that the deal alone is related to “freedom” with methods that aren’t morally acceptable.

Nevertheless, let’s return back to the main focus of this theory.

The reason why the demon Mikaela is an important being is because he was the sole subject that carried the two traits within him; among this, there was awareness that the Yu that managed to appear in the era before the Catastrophe or the End of the World came, there were traces that Yu himself was a being with a soul which made him being someone who stopped being an empty vessel.

Such thing only gave hope to Rigr and eventually Mahiru, Guren and Krul in order to dethrone the First from destroying and running the World to its  own doom.

But what would happen if Mika ended up in a cursed gear?

In first instance, Mika wouldn’t have his physical body disappear; which actually explains why he is on his own room watching the dream endlessly by himself without allowing uninvited guests enter and try to disturb the peace in there.

For second point, he’d be able to link his heart with Yu’s heart along with the remote chance to slowly gather back his memories; which is actually something that is held with desire by Mahiru, Guren and Krul, but how can I state this?

As it was stated in previous chapters, 

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 86

Mahiru had expectations and left a deep speech to Yu before the Hyakuya Sect brainwashed him again; and that was to find a reason to live; which is something he eventually found with time. But what does this have to do with having Mika as a cursed gear?

Easy, that’ll be the key to unlock Mikaela’s memories and reason to live and fight against despite his state or condition; that’ll allow Mika’s soul to fight again.

Among this, this will eventually let Yu gain an inmense amount of power not due to a reason to gain power for Guren,Mahiru and Krul but rather to gain strength to face down the First Progenitor and set an end to him once for all with what it’d be labeled as the Project Michael.

And by this, it is important to recall that Yu’s secret code name by Rigr is Sun God Aten which in christianity is referred to the archangel Michael; while Asuramaru is called by the Hyakuya Sect as the Sword of Michael and lastly, to give the last strength to this point is the fact on how Mika’s demon attacks go:

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 98

Indeed, his attacks go as crosses, normal ones instead of being inverted ones.

Therefore, this what if would become the benefit of humanity if Yu accepted Mikaela as his second cursed gear.

2. The awakening of Michaela

As a bad outcome; a second “what if” is that Shikama ends up adquiring Mikaela’s soul for his own purposes.

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 98

Many might wonder, how this can be a bad outcome if Shikama calls Mikaela his child; and that is to a reason that he’s been messing with the World as how he pleases, what do I mean?

In the new LNs of the World Resurrection at 19; Rigr Stafford states that the First Progenitor has played the role of God; deciding which empires or kingdoms would fall or stand; furthermore, the fact that his influence reached frightening levels is due to how he plays up with destiny itself.

As I stated in old theories, Shikama has an inspiration on Lucifer, a being that seeked revenge after being kicked from heaven due to reasons that were labeled as sins.

Returning to the issue as to why it’d be an awakening if Shikama once getting Mikaela’s soul back with him, he wouldn’t receive Mikaela with open arms, but rather, he’d use him as a key, what do I mean?

Shikama has two test subjects, those being stated by the Queen Krul Tepes herself

Image taken from Seraph of the End: Vampire Reign - Chapter 98

Krul mentioning that Shinoa and Mikaela aims to use both of them in his experiments

Therefore, this heavily means what it’s pretty much impossible for something that is long gone, what could it be?

Correct, a soul. But how that’d be possible if the First asked Ashera for Mikaela’s soul?

To begin with, the current demon King has no memories of himself but he watches in awe how the interactions between Mika and Yu go within the bubble dream; he has no perception on who Ashera, Kiseki-O and Gekkouin are along their motives to why they try to enter his World, thus leading to the lack of memory of who Shikama is in reality.

It could be said that, Shikama Doji is not interested in the current Mikaela but rahter, he plans to sacrifice the current Mikaela to bring back his son; it could be said that is a trade of souls to bring back someone that is long gone; but then, how could it be an awakening if he’s only seeking a soul?

Simple. He’ll use the vessel he has kept for 16 years old in order to bring back finally his real beloved son. But how can this be possible?

It was stated in the LNs that Shinoa was the perfect result of the experiments Tenri Hiragi carried away; she was able to see demons at a young age before Mahiru removed her demon; along the fact that she is capable of contracting any number of demons as she could please.

Therefore, if the plan of the First Progenitor were to succeed; Shinoa would be set in a long slumber; a slumber that will carry on while her body would end up being used by the First’s real son.

Now that the two points have been stated, the versus is a matter of time instead of a fight, everything will rely on whenever Ashera Tepes decides to treasure Yu’s friendship along Guren’s speed to set up the barrier and ritual for the making of a cursed gear.

Everything is a race of time though, the possibilities for the First Point is higher than the second due to the fact that the manga isn’t over; the real plot has only begun.

What do you think dear readers? What’s likely to happen? 

Let me know!

P.S: Theories remain within a neutral view. Ships are excluded.

Generally speaking, I tend to make theories neutral view, but I’d like to share a doubt or rather this hearbeat towards the story, and that is the fact that I have this doubt of who exactly is Michaela whenever Shikama set up a big lie or whether he is really trying to bring back his child and take revenge upon everything, but as always, last word falls for the author, so it’s just a matter of time; though.

[thewatsonbeekeepers]

Chapter 12: Three Men in a Boat [TFP 2/3]

[This was completely missing from my tumblr, via every search function and everything! So I’ve reuploaded - thanks anon for letting me know!!]

This section of the meta is going to deal with the events at Sherrinford – I’ve broken TFP up into three sections to try and get the most out of it. This isn’t just a read through like the first part of the meta, it has a specific structure, much like Eurus’s trials for the boys, so it’s really important to take this bit in one chapter. My hypothesis is thus – that each episode of s4 has been a different obstacle to be broken through in Sherlock’s mind, and that each of them is represented by one of the different Sherrinford tasks. It’s essentially an illumination of Sherlock’s progress through his mind – but it’s set up by Eurus, who is Sherlock’s mental barrier, so these are going to represent Sherlock’s darkest fears about each of the obstacles. Ready? Let’s go.

We take up the episode at the pirate hijacking, which is quite BAMF, but also illuminates a couple of things that we should bear in mind going into this episode. The first is that the transition from a blown up Baker Street to Sherlock and John hijacking a boat without a scratch on them is absolutely bizarre and leaves SO many questions – it’s dream-jumping of the most obvious kind. The second is that water has played a long role as a metaphor through the show, particularly in the EMP sequence, and it’s climaxing now – we are in the deepest waters of Sherlock’s mind.

Mycroft and John working together in the disguise sequence is metaphorically lovely – in the Oscar Wilde scene of the last part we saw Sherlock’s brain and heart finally coming together, and here for the first time they’re working together to give Sherlock the ability to go and confront Eurus. This is what makes Mycroft’s line so powerful. He says:

Say thank you to Doctor Watson. […] He talked me out of Lady Bracknell – this could have been very different.

Comic throwaway? Maybe. But given what we know about Lady Bracknell from the first part, this also has a more powerful meaning – heart!John finally stopped brain!Mycroft from being an obstructive force in Sherlock’s psyche, and they started working together instead to save him. This could have been very different is far more loaded than it sounds. All this whilst creating an image of Mark Gatiss as a Victorian aunt – wonderful.

When we first meet Eurus proper, her similarity to Sherlock is striking. She plays the violin – this isn’t a Holmes thing, because Mycroft doesn’t – it’s Sherlock’s motif throughout. Her hair is like a feminine Sherlock, her pallor and cheekbones match Cumberbatch. For reference, this is a picture of Sian Brooke and Benedict Cumberbatch together in real life.

I’ve done a section on why I think Eurus is the most repressed part of Sherlock’s psyche, and his traumatic barrier to love and life – I sometimes glibly refer to this as gay trauma, but that’s its essence. The similarity between Brooke and Cumberbatch in this scene is really compelling, looking the same but lit and dressed in opposite colours. Similarity and difference both highlighted. Even nicer, the white of Sherlock’s shirt is the same notable brightness as Eurus’s uniform, but it’s hidden under his jacket – a visual metaphor for her being hidden inside him.

Eurus gives Sherlock a Stradivarius as a gift. This should set alarm bells ringing for anybody who has seen TPLoSH. If you haven’t seen The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, please do so immediately because my God you are missing out, but TLDR – a Russian ballerina offers Holmes a Stradivarius to have sex with her so she can have a brainy child, and he declines because he’s gay. (This is not just my interpretation, this is genuinely what happens, just to be clear.) Eurus giving Sherlock a Stradivarius is a deliberate callback to the film which Mofftiss cite as their biggest inspiration; just like the ballerina tempted Holmes to feign heterosexuality, so does Eurus – and both make clear that it’s not without its rewards, which is unfortunately true for real life as well. This moment in Sherlock’s psyche also recalls the desperate unrequitedness of Holmes’s love for Watson in TPLoSH, a reference to our Sherlock’s deepest fear at the moment – he has realised his importance but not John’s romantic/sexual love for him, as we’ll see. So here, trauma!Eurus isn’t just referencing closetedness, but is actively drawing on a history of character repression with which to torment Sherlock – metafictionality at its finest.

The Stradivarius is specifically associated with closetedness, but violins more generally in the show are used to show expressions of love that can’t be voiced out loud – think of John and Mary’s wedding, or the desperate bowing of ASiB. So Eurus, gay trauma that she is, telling Sherlock that she taught him to play is a moment of distinct pain – she is the reason he can’t speak his love aloud, but instead has to speak in signs.

When Sherlock plays ‘him’, rather than Bach, to Eurus (he has a big Bach thing with Moriarty in s2, take from that what you will because I don’t know!), he’s playing Irene Adler’s theme. As a fandom, we’ve generally agreed on associating Irene’s theme with sexual love, which ties in nicely with Eurus’s question – has Sherlock had sex? It’s unanswered. At the end of ASiB, Irene calls Sherlock the virgin, suggesting that he hasn’t.

My favourite moment in s4 without a doubt is Jim dancing to I Want To Break Free. I know it’s the most boring thing to say, but my two greatest loves are Andrew Scott and Freddie Mercury, so it was like Christmas. Here it is also Christmas, but there are two possible timelines. I hypothesise that this refers to Christmas 2010, but it’s absolutely conceivable that it could be Christmas 2009. If we acknowledge that Sherlock is in a coma in 2014, then five years ago is Christmas 2009; however, given that we’ve jumped to 2015 in dream time, I’m going to make the guess that Jim’s visit to Sherrinford is supposed to take place in 2010. This ties up with the idea that this is when Moriarty first started taking an interest in Sherlock, who had never heard of him before ASiP, particularly as this is all in the EMP.

I firmly believe that Jim represents the fear that John is in danger – I highlight this in the chapter on HLV, where you’ll recall we first encounter Jim in the EMP and he sends Sherlock on his journey through the EMP with the words John Watson is definitely in danger – a pretty big sign. Even without this, though, his biggest threat to Sherlock has always been hurting John, whether in TRF or with the idea of burning the heart out of him with Semtex. It’s not unreasonable then to assume that MP!Jim first getting inside Sherlock’s subconscious to represent this fear happens in 2010, when he first meets John. He slips in and stays there, and he melds with Eurus. We see this in the powerful visual of the two of them dancing in front of the glass as Jim’s image slowly becomes Eurus’s reflection – the fear of John dying embeds itself into the gay trauma that Sherlock has stored up, even without him realising it. This ties in nicely with the choice of I Want to Break Free, which is famous for its use of drag in the music video – Jim melding into Eurus is the dark side of queer genderbending that we hate to see. It’s also a pretty fitting song name for an intensifying of repressed gay trauma, even without the association with queer king Mercury.

[A side note to all of this – there were wonderful TEH metas about trains in tunnels being sexual, which isn’t just a tjlc thing but is a well-established idea in cinema – Moriarty’s consistent train noises here seem like a horrifyingly inverted version of that sexual longing.]

Task 1 – The Six Thatchers

The governor is set up as a mirror for John in this task, which provides some helpful context for the episode as a whole. Heart!John makes this comparison himself, by drawing out the similarity between the situation with the governor’s wife and his with Mary, though in this case the governor does kill himself because of his wife – or so it seems. The suicidal instinct matches with everything we’ve learned about John in s4, but I want to hypothesise, perhaps tenuously, that he’s more connected with Eurus than we might think. We know that Eurus has had control of the governor for quite some time, and one of the things we hear her saying to the governor in the background of the interrogations is that he shouldn’t trust his wife. This is an odd thing to pepper into the background when he’s about to commit suicide for her, and perhaps suggests that he’s more of Eurus’s pawn than he lets on, though I grant this may be spurious.

The idea that he distrusts his wife because of Eurus is important, however, because we’ve already seen John engage with Eurus in various forms, but this seems like an extension of E; Eurus, aka Sherlock’s hidden self, has been making John doubt Mary, even before she shoots Sherlock. John cannot know she’s a spy at this point, so it’s unlikely he’s doubting her goodwill; he’s simply doubting her.

Before we look at how the actual task impacts the governor and how that illustrates what’s really going on in TST, it’s worth pointing out that it is the governor’s engagement with Eurus which prompts the entire shutdown of Sherrinford and forces Sherlock (with brain!Mycroft and heart!John ever at his side, of course) to engage once and for all with Eurus. This points to everything that s4 has been telling us – that Sherlock’s understanding of the relationship between him and John, including his power to save him (we’re going to see the governor play the foil here) is what sends his brain into stay-alive-overdrive. Sherrinford is the peak of this.

Summary of the task, for those who hate TFP: Sherlock is given a gun and told he can pick either John or Mycroft to kill the governor, otherwise the governor’s wife will be killed by Eurus. As I’ve written about in its chapters, TST is about Sherlock trying to get to the bottom of Mary and why she tried to kill him – and, of course, the impact this will have on John. In brief, by displacing the shot onto Mary in his mind, he’s discounting his own importance and instead thinking about what it will mean for John to lose Mary. His greatest fear is that losing Mary will break John, and it isn’t until the end of TLD that he recognises that the return of John’s suicidal ideation isn’t over Mary, but over him. TFP presents the horror version, the version of TST that Sherlock’s trauma wants him to believe but which he has to overcome. In this case, Mycroft and John resolve to keep the governor alive in their passivity, but that passivity – Sherlock’s coma – is not enough to keep the governor from killing himself over Mary. This is the most feared outcome from Mary’s death that Sherlock can think of – his fear of losing John combined with John’s love of Mary, which in TST Sherlock is still taking as read.

Double naming in this show should never be neglected, and in this case we learn shortly before the governor dies that his name is David. Again, the dramatic manner in which we learn this (on the moment of execution) draws our attention to it – we know another David in this show.

Yup – Mary's ex who’s still in love with her from TSoT. So even though Sherlock is experiencing the panic of John killing himself for loss of Mary, his subconscious is still pointing out to him that that’s not what’s happening here. This mirror version of John that he has set up, who is broken by the loss of Mary as Sherlock fears in TST, is actually the other man in Mary’s life – even with Eurus forcing the worst possible scenario onto him, this still can’t quite fit John’s character. And so we move onto the second task.

Task 2 – The Lying Detective

This section of the Sherrinford saga is the three Garridebs, the closest thing that the fandom has ever got to a collective trauma. I do think, however, that it’s fully reclaimable for tjlc and means the same as we always wanted it to; I also think that it’s possibly the most gutting part of Eurus’s metatfictional power play.

If you haven’t read The Adventure of the Three Garridebs, it’s quite short and the most johnlocky of the Holmes canon, so I’d thoroughly recommend. For the purposes of mapping bbc!verse onto acd!verse, however, here’s the incredibly short version. A man called Evans wants to burgle Nathan Garrideb, so he calls himself John Garrideb and writes an advertisement from a man called Alexander Hamilton Garrideb (make of that what you will, hamilstans) declaring that he wants to bequeath his fortune to three Garridebs. “John” gets someone to pretend to be a Howard Garrideb to get Nathan out of the house to meet him – he comes to burgle the house but Holmes and Watson are lying in wait. He shoots Watson, and Holmes thinks Watson is seriously injured and so we have this wonderful section:

“You’re not hurt, Watson? For God’s sake, say you are not hurt!”

It was worth a wound–it was worth many wounds–to know the depth of loyalty and love which lay behind that cold mask. The clear, hard eyes were dimmed for a moment, and the firm lips were shaking. For the one and only time I caught a glimpse of a great heart as well as of a great brain. All my years of humble but single-minded service culminated in that moment of revelation.

“It’s nothing, Holmes. It’s a mere scratch.”

He had ripped up my trousers with his pocket-knife.

“You are right,” he cried with an immense sigh of relief. “It is quite superficial.” His face set like flint as he glared at our prisoner, who was sitting up with a dazed face. “By the Lord, it is as well for you. If you had killed Watson, you would not have got out of this room alive. Now, sir, what have you to say for yourself?”

Mofftiss have referenced this moment as being the greatest in the Holmes canon for them, the moment when we see the depth of Holmes’s affection for Watson, and so it seems odd to waste it on such a tiny moment in TFP. Many fans, myself included, were really upset to see Eurus drop all three Garridebs into the sea, the implication being that tjlc would never be real, and it was that moment that caused many (including me) to walk away. I came back, obviously, but I completely understand why you wouldn’t. However, I want to map one Garridebs story onto the other to show how they might match up.

The Garridebs that Eurus presents us with are not the three Garridebs from the story. In the story, there are three physically present Garridebs – Nathan, John and Howard – although admittedly only Nathan is an actual Garrideb. Alexander was completely invented by John and existed only in a newspaper advertisement. Evans, alias John Garrideb, is the criminal in the Garridebs story; Alexander is an invention.

So – what happens if we substitute John for Alex in bbc!verse, as in canon they are the same person? This is interesting, because double-naming means that John becomes the killer. Whilst it’s true that John Garrideb is known as Killer Evans for his murder of a counterfeiter back in America, in canon he is done for attempted murder – of John Watson, of course. Here we have a situation where a John is set up killing John. This is exacerbated by the victim in bbc!verse being called Evans; Roger Prescott, the counterfeiter, would have been a much more canonical nod to the books, so we can assume that the choice of Evans is therefore significant. It should be noted that Evans and John/Alex Garrideb are the same person in acd!canon - so killing Evans is a representation of suicide. But, in case we weren’t there yet, the reason that Evans took the name ‘John’ is acd!canon is very likely to be because Evan is Welsh for John – so whatever way you look at this situation, you have Sherlock deducing John killing John.

This is, of course, exactly what Sherlock deduces at the end of TLD, far too slow, when we see Eurus shoot John in an exact mirror of the shot from TST – I explained in a previous chapter why this means that John is suicidal without Sherlock. However, much like the passivity of Sherlock, John and Mycroft in the first task, here we see that Sherlock’s act of deduction is good, but can’t actually save anyone; Eurus kills off our Garridebs moment as Sherlock is left to watch, and it’s notable that heart!John is the most distressed about this. Remember, in the first task Eurus left Sherlock with an image of a John who was suicidally devoted to Mary, and although the Garridebs moment is one which metafictionally highlights the relationship between Sherlock and John, she’s still presenting him with a Garridebs moment in which he is fundamentally unable to save John. This is a direct result of the Redbeard trauma that Sherlock has experienced – helplessness is key to that, and this is what Eurus has come to represent in his psyche. But – Eurus isn’t real, Eurus is testing Sherlock, trauma trying to bring him down, and Sherlock’s job in TFP is to break through the walls that his consciousness has set up for him.

The power in Sherlock saying I condemn Alex Garrideb is heartbreaking, then, because it is Sherlock recognising that he is the reason that John is going to die. Eurus is there to make him confront that reality, which she explicitly makes him do. We get the split-second moment where he thinks he’s saved Alex, and then he’s plunged into the sea – but remember, this is Eurus taunting Sherlock, presenting him with worst-possible-scenarios. TFP is set up as a game for a reason – it is a series of hypotheses cast in Sherlock’s mind by his trauma that he has to break through one by one. Remember, although she’s ostensibly trying to hurt Sherlock, Eurus’s ‘extra’ murders in the first two tasks are aimed at hurting John, which wouldn’t make sense if he weren’t the mp version of Sherlock’s heart.

Task 3 – The Final Problem

Pretty much straight after this episode aired, people were pointing out that Molly is a clear John mirror and that pretty much all of the deductions Sherlock makes here could be about John. Again, we’re seeing Sherlock’s emotions being resolved in a heterosexual context – the presence of Eurus means that he’s unable to process them in their real, queer form. However, if we take Molly to be a stand-in for John in this scene, it may tell us what TFP is about – and the scenario that Eurus presents will be the worst one, the thing that is causing Sherlock the most pain.

TLD/the previous task have shown us that John is in imminent danger, so the transition to Molly Hooper’s flat being rigged with bombs is not a difficult one; we must assume this to be the suicidal ideation that we’ve just deduced. The time limit suggests that Sherlock is running out of time to save him (fucking right he fell into a coma SIX YEARS AGO). Putting Molly in a bad mood isn’t really necessary for this scene – they make her seem a lot more depressed than she would necessarily need to be, and they emphasise her aloneness and her ability to push people away, which isn’t something we know Molly to do. These traits are all much more important in the context of a suicidal John – they paint a much clearer picture of someone who is depressed and alone than we really need for this scene, where it’s not relevant to the surface plot.

Sherlock and the audience believe he has won this task, but of course he hasn’t - there were never any explosives rigged up in Molly’s flat, and it was a ruse to destroy his relationship with Molly. This is what he fears then – what if he’s wrong? What if coming back to life because he loves John won’t save him – it will destroy him and their relationship? The problem to be wrestled with is how to save John – according to the symmetry of these tasks, that is the final problem. We know that the scenario Eurus has presented isn’t real, but Sherlock doesn’t; he is being held up by his inability to cope with interpersonal relationships, and to get to the bottom of that we’re going to need to understand what he’s been repressing – part 3 of this meta.

There’s a wonderful shot just as Sherlock is destroying Molly’s coffin which zooms up and out through a ceiling window, all the way above Sherrinford, as though to emphasise not how remote Sherrinford is but just how deep inside it Sherlock is. Given what we know about the height metaphor as well as the water metaphor, this shot is a pretty clear way of telling us – this is as deep inside Sherlock’s mind as we go, this is the nub. But Sherlock smashing up the coffin has another powerful connotation – he's refusing death. In terms of metaphor, he’s refusing John’s death – there will be no small coffin, because he will not let it happen – but the visual of him smashing the coffin also suggests that he is rejecting his own death. The two are, of course, inextricably linked. Our boys’ lives are tied together.

Epilogue: The Hunger Games

I can’t watch this without thinking of The Hunger Games, I just can’t! But regardless of how much Sherlock seems like Katniss in this section, let’s press on. I don’t count this as one of the typical tasks, because this isn’t Eurus presenting a ‘haha I tricked you scenario’ - far from it. This is Sherlock’s way into unlocking his repression. The key takeaway from this scene, as we’ll see is that trauma has hurt Sherlock, and it’s going to try pretty hard here to mutilate him – but it can’t kill him.

We get a great line from Sherlock at the beginning of this, where he tells John that the way Eurus is treating him isn’t torture, it’s vivisection. Because it’s an experiment? Perhaps. But the more logical way to phrase this would be that it isn’t vivisection, it’s torture. Torture is much more emotionally charged than vivisection as a phrase – from a writer’s perspective, this phrasing is strange because it seems to negate rather than intensify the pain our characters are undergoing. Why, then, would vivisection be more important than torture? Well, put simply, vivisection is the act of cutting someone open and seeing what’s inside – and that’s what we’re doing. This isn’t just an analogy for experimenting on people, it’s an analogy for going literally inside somebody. In EMP world, then, these words are well chosen.

Sherlock is offered the choice – John or Mycroft? Heart or brain? We might initially think that this is Eurus pressuring Sherlock into death, but that’s not the case at all – we know from the early series that Sherlock has survived before (although very unhappily) with just one of these two dominating the other. It has taken his EMP journey to unite them into a functioning entity, and Eurus is bent on destroying that, mutilating either his emotional capacity or his reasoning, the two parts that make him human. This is a good sign, as well, that trauma has been acting on Sherlock through the first three series, when his psyche was dominated by brain!Mycroft - Eurus is keen to revert to that state, when trauma had control. It is touching, then, that brain!Mycroft is willing to relinquish that control and leave Sherlock with his heart, perhaps because this new unity allows him to recognise how damaged the Sherlock he created was. We should also note that this diminishing of Sherlock’s heart is compared to his Lady Bracknell, which we know to be his repression of all Sherlock’s romantic/sexual impulses – except this time it’s less convincing, because his brain doesn’t believe it anymore. What is also devastating is heart!John’s lack of self-esteem or knowledge, the sense that he isn’t useful to Sherlock, which of course will be proven wrong.

[if anyone has thoughts on the white rectangle on the floor, do let me know. It’s bugging me!]

Mycroft says that he acknowledges there is a heart somewhere inside of him – again, this is emotionally powerful in the context of the brain/heart wrangling that we’ve seen inside the EMP. Just as Sherlock’s psyche has tried to compartmentalise them all this time and they’re finally working together, now there’s an acknowledgement that the compartmentalisation into personae is maybe inaccurate as well – brain!Mycroft’s pretence to be emotionally detached is not in fact correct, as we’ve been suspecting for a long time.

Brain!Mycroft also states that it’s his fault that this has all happened because he let Eurus converse with Jim. If you spend any time thinking about the Eurus + Jim meeting, like many elements of this show it doesn’t make sense. There isn’t a feasible way this could have been planned, recorded etc in five minutes, and although it’s true that Jim could have come back to shoot the videos under the governor’s supervision, it’s not clear why he’s so important. Unless he takes on the metaphorical significance that we’ve assigned him, letting Jim see Eurus seems pretty unimportant – he is only the garnishing on Eurus’s plan. Instead, Mycroft is at fault for letting John be in danger – not only did Sherlock misdeduce Mary (although we can lay the blame for that at the feet of heart!John - see meta on TST), his reasoning was blinded and so he missed John’s suicidal urges and the danger to his life. Brain!Mycroft holds himself responsible – all of these EMP deductions are way late, comprised of things Sherlock should have noticed when his brain wasn’t letting his heart in.

Five minutes. It took her five minutes to do this to all of us.

The lighting is dramatic, so I can’t properly gauge Ben’s expression at this moment, but his eyes look crinkled in confusion, just like they are at the moments when a sense of unreality starts to set in in TAB. Indeed, these aren’t very appropriate words for when you’re about to kill your brother; it’s like he’s being distracted, like there’s something important that he’s missing. Mofftiss are drawing attention to the sheer impossibility of the situation – and Sherlock’s nearly there. His Katniss Everdeen move, threatening to kill himself, is the recognition that his trauma doesn’t have that power – it can hurt him and deform him by twisting his psyche into unbalance, like it has before and like Eurus is trying to here, but it cannot kill him. We can see that Sherlock has risen above the one-sided dominance that he began the entire show with when Eurus shouts at him that he doesn’t know about Redbeard yet – that’s not going to change his mind today, but it’s a direct throwback to the days when it would have, in ASiP with the cabbie. Character development, folks.

The shot of Sherlock falling backwards into the dark water links to two aspects of the EMP. One is the continued metaphor of water to represent sinking into the depths of his mind. The water is so dark it looks oily – it could be argued that this is the oil that is corrupting the waters of his mind as we finally cut to the repressed memories. I quite like this reading, though I have little other oil imagery to link it to in the show. The other notable point is the slow-motion fall backwards – instead of showing Sherlock, John and Mycroft all falling, we cut to Sherlock falling backwards exactly like he did in HLV when he was shot by Mary. This is a really clear visual callback. Even though we’re going deeper, we’re linking back to the original shooting, back in reality, suggesting that this depth is paradoxically going to lead us back to the start. To go back to the oil imagery, don’t forget that oil floats on water – although it looks like we’re sinking, there’s a real sense that these repressed memories are actually pulling us to the surface of Sherlock’s subconscious, quite unlike the deep zoom out we saw when Sherlock was destroying the coffin.

And that’s it for part 2 of the TFP meta! Part 3/3 will deal with such highlights as John not being able to recognise bones and presumably getting his feet pulled off by chains. Good thing this is just a dream. See you then!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #402

“there’s a space kept in hell with your name on the seat  /  with a spike in the chair just to make it complete”

Have you ever had any really infected injuries? Not an injury, per se, but I've had at least one ear piercing get infected during the healing process. Shit sucks ass. Are you popular on any websites? No. What was the last song you listened to? "Savior" by SWARM. Are you considered popular at school? I wasn't. If you could host your own talk show, would you do it? No. I've got nothing interesting to talk about. If you were starving would you eat food out of a garbage can? I honestly don't know if I could with how squeamish I am about sharing food, even with family. And we're talking about sharing food that's been in the TRASH. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? I do. Which one of your senses would you be the most devastated to lose? I THINK hearing. I hate silence, so that would just be... haunting. I want to be able to hear people's voices and other sounds. Do you know anyone who has been on life support, and survived? I have no idea. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? God no. They're divorced for a reason. Have you ever read any of Charles Darwin’s works? No. If there was such a thing as a mental health first aid kit, what would you want to be in it? Some ice cream and a Mountain Dew bc I'm an emotional eater, my "graduation" pebble from my partial hospitalization program to remember how far I've come, some cold water to run over my face (or drink), my iPod for music and phone to watch YouTube, a nice, big blanket to turn into a burrito in... that kind of stuff. If you’re in a relationship, are you happy? And if you’re single, are you looking for someone? I'm not actively searching for anyone, no. What is something that people make fun of you for? Always being on the computer. It makes me EXTREMELY self-conscious, and I really wish people would keep their mouths shut about it. Which supermarket do you like to shop at? Wal-Mart. Have you ever been told that your boyfriend/girlfriend wasn’t good enough for you? In the past. Do you think it’s okay to flirt with someone that’s already taken, as long as it goes no further? Fuck no. Do you struggle to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do? YUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP. Someone attractive is staring at you. What do you do? Probably just kinda smile and blush and look down/away. Are you friends with someone a lot of people dislike? *shrug* Favorite photo search engine? Tumblr for gifs, Google or Pinterest for still images, depending on what I'm looking for. Do you doggie paddle or actually swim in a pool? I'll do both, I think? It's been too long since I've swum. Ever made a snow angel? Ye-ep. Would you ever take up smoking? No. I like having operational lungs. Do you laugh at racial jokes? No. Hate to break it to ya, but they're not funny. Book series you enjoyed reading recently? I've been loving Wings of Fire by Tui T. Sutherland, even if I'm reading very slowly. My psychiatrist has given me a new way to approach my hobbies I have difficulty engaging in, so I'm hoping if I keep it up, my rate of reading will speed up! Are there any keys on your keyboard that have letters fading away? Ahaha, yeah... "a," "s," and "d." A true gamer. How "w" is still alive, I couldn't tell ya. Favorite non-chocolate candy? Sour Punch Straws, probably. The red ones, in specific. Last person you texted? My mom. What did you learn from your first job? That I can't work with people. Favorite website from your childhood? I was a Webkinz A D D I C T. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Cranberry came to mind very quickly. Least favorite pattern? uhhhhhhh Favorite potato food? Either French fries or Lays wavy potato chips. PC or console gaming? I grew up as a console gamer, so I'm kinda biased. Writing or drawing? Don't make me choose!! I get more satisfaction out of drawing something I'm proud of, but I do way more writing. Who would you put before everyone else? My mom, probably. Lamps, overhead lights, fairy lights, or sunlight? Fairy lights are so cute. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? I shit you not, none. What is your third favourite colour? Hm. Maybe rose gold, or lilac. Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it? I'm really not sure, but I WANT to say it was one of those slide-y, compact Blueberry ones? Who is your favourite character from Alice in Wonderland? The Cheshire Cat has always been very alluring to me. What is the last thing you looked up online? The definition to a word just to ensure I was using it correctly. Have you ever had your fortune read? No. I ain't wasting time or money on that shit. Can you read tarot cards? If you couldn't guess from above, I have zero faith in this kinda stuff, so I don't care to learn. Do you prefer lemons or limes? Lemons. I like lime flavoring in some stuff, though. Are your expecting anything in the mail? No. What would you like to see out of your window everyday instead of what you see now? The forest. Do you own a camera? I do, a Canon EOS Rebel T6. Have you ever written a special note in a book? Yes. Early into our relationship, Jason lent me a book to read, and I wrote a lil love letter in it for him. Do you have any artistic talents? I mean I like to think I'm a good writer and a decent artist. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT with Girt. It was fun because he's a horror pansy, haha. He did fine, though. What would you do if you found out you were pregnant? Freak the fuck out because I haven't had sex in many years, so that thing's coming the fuck out 'cuz it obviously ain't natural. Favorite thing to get at McDonalds? Look man, I'm shameless, I love me a Quarter Pounder w/ cheese. Plus some fries. :x Do you know anyone named Alex? I know multiple people named Alex, actually. Whose house did you last sleep over at? Sara's. In other words, it's been a loooong time.Would you ever record yourself having sex? God no. Like zero judgment to the people that do, but I get NOTHING out of watching others "do it." I've never actually tried watching porn, but I couldn't have less interest. I know I'd hate it, and a lot. Did the vacuum scare you as a child? I don't think it did, anyway. Have you or would you ever use a dating app? One of my most embarrassing secrets is that I was briefly on Christian Mingle. It makes me want to cringe into fucking oblivion. Who are you most nervous about introducing potential significant others to? My dad. He's... a character. What was the most important non-academic thing you learned in high school? That time fucking flies, so cherish every millisecond. Do you and your friends ever talk about your sex lives? Not really. Even when I was sexually active, I was private about that stuff. I don't care if others talk to me about theirs, but odds are I'm not saying much about myself. What were the best and worst interviews you’ve ever had? What made them so good/bad? I've never had a bad interview, but I mean, I've only had I wanna say four in my whole life. None were anything special either, though. Ever put someone else in the hospital? No. Have you ever sold anything on eBay? If so, what? No. What is the best surprise you have ever had? Finding a container of puppy chow underneath the Christmas tree one year. It was my parents' way of telling me we were getting a dog (which I had been nagging them about FOREVER), and next came Teddy. <3 I miss my boy. Is someone in love with you? I wouldn't know. Ever kiss someone on the first date? No. Ever sleep with someone on the first date? That's a hard no. Do you wear cologne/perfume/aftershave regularly? No. Do you snore? No, actually. Pretty astonishing for someone with such severe sleep apnea. When is the last time someone else slept in your bed? When Sara last visited. How often do you dust? Not... nearly enough as I'm supposed to. Mom gets on me about it all the time. What is the most ‘extreme’ activity you have ever done? Ha, nothing wild, I assure you. I guess riding a four-wheeler through the woods once with our former neighbors, who were good friends of ours.. Have you ever rode on a mobility scooter/wheelchair just for fun? Um, no? That's a jackass thing to do. Some people actually need those. Who’s the most controlling person you know? OH MY FUCKING GOD. OUR FAMILY FRIEND TOBEY. EASILY. She seizes control of EVERY situation, even if she has no right to be involved in it. Does anyone keep a photo of you in their purse/wallet, and if so, who? Not to my knowledge. Do you own a microphone? No. Do you enjoy trailers at the cinema? I do! I like arriving in time to see them. Have you ever been burgled? No, thankfully. Have you ever entered anything into Urban Dictionary? If so, what? No. What’s the last live performance you watched on TV? No idea. Have you ever been embarrassed to buy something from a shop? Not to my recollection. It helps that I'm not the one buying things, like ever. What’s the name of one of your friends’ dogs? Buster! :') He's a precious lil bean. Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want. A GIANT CENTIPEDE. That's one pet in the invert community that I have ZERO interest in EVER owning. Those bitches are scary. Have you ever needed to wear a tie? If so, when/why? Nope.

[lady-of-endless]

Owned Lessons (Din Djarin x Reader)

Author’s Note: Angsty.  I think I just hurt myself emotionally while writing this because I'm so attached. So please excuse any possible expression that might sound a little bit off. Please let me know what do you think and thank you for reading this!

First, he worried, now he feared.

 His pineal eye sensor from his helmet was flooded with smoke from incandescent weapons that were pushed to their functional limits and fired around him.

Something was dripping from under his armor, and he did not know if it was his blood or his sweat.

Your moves were clumsy and uncalculated but effective when protecting yourself from some hits.

No one can predict an ambush, especially when other so-called bounty hunters decide not to follow the tenets of the Creed. No hunter shall interfere with another hunter. However, you had to fight against men that were thirsty for more, that were self-proclaimed hunters, in other words, thieves.

 "On your left!" You shouted your warning to Din who was attacked by a larger number of armed muggers.

 The Mandalorian was quick and took down the furtive attacker who was attempting to approach him.

He was outnumbered and concerned. This time he did not like the odds, not when you were being attacked as well without any possibility to send a rescue signal to the Bounty Hunter Guild.

Adrenaline quickly brought a piece of new vital information in his mind. He left the ship unguarded. His eyes were quickly directed to your position. You were far away from him and if he shouted, the attackers surely heard too.

Din could not find any other better strategy and sprinted to you, placing himself in front of your figure as a decoy so you could pay attention to what he wanted to tell you. Time was running out, you were getting weaker and the attackers were getting stronger.

 "The kid!" He told you while still aiming the enemies. "Go!"

 Thankfully you heard him clear enough despite the sound of blasters and heavy bodies falling to the ground.

You started running as fast as you could even if you wished to stay and fight next to him. Looking over your shoulder back at him for one last time, your heart stopped at the sight of another danger.

 Din started to regret not investing in another set of Whistling Birds that could get the job done in that critical situation.

Attackers could be charging from the back and he knew that, being prepared for it. When he activated the rearview visor of his helmet, instead of seeing strangers approaching him, Din could see those jump inside the ship after you.

 "Feir'Fek!" He cursed, full of blinding rage.

 That one second of distraction was enough for an unexpected hard blow to a weak spot of his body to knock him down. Even if he still wanted to fight, his body could not get up anymore. Not even thinking about his already deteriorating conscious state, Din's eyes slowly closed while thinking about you until everything faded away. His last wish was to wake up next to you and the Child and forget about this vivid nightmare.

 First, he felt a lack of hope, then he felt a sharp pain.

 The rage did not leave him even after when he woke up in the same place, alone on the ground. He was only surrounded by the sound of the wind when he regained his consciousness.

Grunting, Din got up abruptly, eyes fixated on the Razor Crest as he remembered everything that happened before, one brutal scene after another.

His legs started moving automatically in a desperate limp that seemed too slow to him.

Wanting to get there as fast as he could, Din even thought for a second about using the jetpack that was killing his spine now and every day just to be faster but the distance was too short for that.

His efforts were so big that all of his thoughts were limited to finding you and the Child alive.

 The entrance of the ship was stained with trails of blood that were already drying out.

His head was spinning and his legs were trembling with each painful contraction of his muscles. One part of him did not want to go on and see what happened inside.  Din had to prepare for the worst situation he had in mind, with armor around his heart for protection and a flamethrower for revenge.

Almost choking for air because of the effort and adrenaline, he still did not stop to catch his breath.

 Too often, his contentment was hidden in your presence. Your warmth was always flowing to him in unstoppable calming waves he has never felt from when he was just a child.

Maybe he should have not let you come with him from the beginning of this complicated way of living. He thought how you accepted him with every principle, belief and regretted letting you do it so willingly. Now, Din had no time to ask himself for the reason why you did that.

His body moved almost mindlessly inside the ship as he was trying hard to avoid one lethal thought. He has never seen you fight properly or defend yourself against someone until moments ago and you had no piece of armor either. The Child was also almost helpless if it wasn't for the complicated ability he had. It was all coming from a flaw in his strategy.

 The ship felt cold and too silent.

There were memories of how your voice echoed in the ship when singing random lullabies to the Child or when you were chuckling at Din's long and familiar sighs. He was walking through the haze of those memories, not ready to confront the reality.

As Din stepped cautiously closer to the cockpit, his arm was raised, flamethrower prepared, he restrained himself from calling your name even if the wish to do so was hurting him and clinging to his chest. If there still were any intruders on the ship, he knew that he should not announce his presence so naively.

With each sign of the whole mess that was on his ship, he felt that he could not get air normally in the helmet for the first time. Din went through a lot of ambushes but having something to care about so much was making it difficult. Someone close that he could lose, again in his life.

 The image he discovered after two or three steps closer was one that was close to his late-night worries.

He finally found you, guarding the Child, standing in the front of his crib, injured but alert and with your blaster targeting the shadow, breathing heavily.

For only a couple of seconds, you two were targeting each other. When you both realized it, instantly, you lowered your blaster letting it fall from your hand and Din let his guard down in front of you faster than ever.

Sensing your weakness just in time, he rushed to where you were standing right when your knees gave out and caught you in his arms.

 "There you go." He whispered bringing you closer to him, holding your head steadily by the back of your neck while his own body also lowered to the ground with yours.

 Holding you against his armor on the floor of the ship, Din smoothed your messy hair for a few seconds to catch his breath. He closed his eyes tightly and thanked the stars for finding you and the Child alive. You both stood in silence, clinging to each other and letting the embrace numb the stinging feeling of your injuries while the kid was looking at you happily. Was Din truly awake and holding you after that attack or was it going to be the last thing he will see before really regaining his consciousness?

It took you a long time to make him end up in your arms, investing stubbornness, care, trust in his way. And now you could truly feel how it was all worth it.

 "I'm sorry." It was the first thing you said after raising your head from his chest to look at his visor for a moment. "They were too fast." You said resting your chin on his shoulder, closing your eyes again, melting in his arms against the Beskar.

 "What do you mean? Are you...are you injured?" He panicked already starting to look for any type of injury on your body and wishing that there wasn't any. 

 Even if the armor was cold, his way of holding you tight and his worry were compensating. You have seen him agitated before but now it seemed more obvious.

 "No. It's not that." You quickly responded and looked down, avoiding his gaze. "They stole some weapons." You said in a more silenced and ashamed voice.

 You knew how sacred those are to a Mandalorian and then to a bounty hunter but you could only focus to protect the Child during the attack. Still looking at him, you stood there, waiting for his response. What you weren't aware of because of the exhaust was that Din was still holding you tight, with no break.

 "Don't you think we can handle getting those back next time?" He tried to change the atmosphere for your sake even while looking at the traces of blood smeared to the exit of the ship and being scared of what could have happened.

 His reaction made you smile faintly but even that single smile was quick to transform into a frown as you felt a sharp pain coming from your temple. You touched the surface of your skin and felt wetness on your fingertips. The Child cooed from his crib, looking at you with big worried eyes.

 "Let me help you with that." Din said softly grabbing your chin to take a full look at your face in search of other injuries.

 "I can handle it, it's not a big deal." You responded almost mindlessly with no intention of acting tough.

 At that moment, nothing else mattered more than the relief of you both being safe next to the Child. 

The déjà vu feeling you had from that response was enough to make you remember something. You have had this conversation with him before, but the roles were inverted this time.

Din had his head tilted slightly to the front and you could bet on the fact that he surely had one eyebrow raised at you because of that answer. 

 "Now it's not the time to do this." He scolded you, clear words being emitted out of his helmet.

 Din took off his worn-out cape and wrapped it around your shoulders. Sitting on the floor of the ship, you looked over at Din who was searching for the pressurized container filled with bacta spray.

You observed how his moves were rushed, knocking objects over, hardly audible grunting and sighing were also heard. He was trying to keep everything in even when he discovered that the attackers even stole the damn healing spray.

After finding a simple wet cloth instead, when Din turned to you, every ounce of bold frustration disappeared. He remembered something.

 He has not lost you today.

 Din wanted to thank you for staying safe and keeping the Child safe as well but no formulation was up to his liking.

 "How could you handle it alone?" He asked, even if he knew very well how capable you were.

 "I had a pretty decent example to learn from." You answered lightly pushing your shoulder into his and smiling. "And a hold-out blaster."

You hoped that your words could calm him down even a little and even if you could not see the expressions of his face. Unfortunately, nothing could silence his worry and guilt that still remained.

He knew from the start that there will be moments in which he will not be able to protect you or the Child but pushed that thought far to the back of his mind in order to still function. So far away that now, his worry transformed into fear.

 "Trouble will always stick to you if you stay with me."

 Your weak but reassuring smile slowly dropped when he finally let it out. His shoulders were slouching and his head was moving in a slight shake of disapproval.

 "I know that." You started looking down at your hands for a second. "I know that just as I know how bounty hunting is a competitive business and probably the toughest job in the galaxy. I understand that it's all because of the trouble and those scums that decide not to follow the tenets."

 The Mandalorian looked at you and realized for the first time how much you have learned from working and staying with him. He was never aware of how attentive you were when it came to this business and what he was doing. Din did not want to interrupt or stop you, because it was reminding him of those facts too. You knew him and his way of living and to his surprise, he did not feel uncomfortable because of that. It was actually the opposite.

 "But I still want to stay no matter what can happen." You concluded looking straight to his visor, searching for eyes that were looking into yours.

 Din's lips were parted, wanting to tell you that he wants that as well, but for as much as he could keep you safe next to him.

 His hands were always steady when aiming but focusing now on your injury seemed difficult after hearing those words from you.

Cleaning the injury from your temple while you waited, covered by his cape, he was thinking everything through. You saw him shaking his head slowly during the process. Scenarios of how much it could have gone worse were not letting him feel the same relief he felt when he was holding you.

Din got up with slowed movement and avoided looking at you.

 "Then, you will have to train starting from tomorrow. And the next few days." He said not looking at you as your eyebrows furrowed. "I have to find some weapons that will suit your technique and teach you how to use them correctly."

 He was already planning everything, looking around for equipment that was left and that can be used. A part of him was trying to aggravate his words just to push you away from him, where there is safety. The other part of him was too selfish, wanting to whisper a cordial  'thank you for wanting to stay'.

When realization bloomed in your mind about what he was trying to do, you got up prepared to put it to an end.

 "Din?" You called his name and placed your hands on his shoulders. "Nothing that you can say will make me let go."

 He stopped in his tracks and his shoulders dropped, realizing how his reaction sounded and looked and how stubborn you were. Asking you why seemed pointless now when he finally understood. 

 "Fine." His tone was calmer and much warmer now. "If you want to stay, you must understand that the Child needs you safe." Din placed a hand on the back of your head to bring you closer and stick your forehead to his helmet. "I need you safe." Now that you were so close to him, you could hear how his voice broke with those words.

 It was impossible for you to understand what he was imagining sometimes. Ways to lose you, so numerous and so brutal. The fear of losing you when you were so close to him was always shadowing every beaming thought of you. Every time he was letting himself live in the moment when you softly called his name and touched his helmet as his hands ghosted over your hips, those times were interrupted by a fear that the one he is holding will be taken away. That precaution was pulling him back to a reserved and strict self, right after moments in which you could swear that his armor was transparent and you could see his heart, beating happily at the sight of you.

It always made you wonder why after believing that he let his guard down in front of you, he would act like you two were just acquainted and had plans to keep it like so. Now everything made sense to you and he was anticipating that. There was only one thing that could treat that fear of his and you were ready for it.

 "Then, we'll do exactly as you said. We will train ourselves and make sure to stay safe. I promise, Din." You said in a serious voice before trying to change the atmosphere. "Plus, I bet that I can get you to the ground in no time after such a day and such a confrontation." Your tone mockingly changed into a false proud one as you rested your forearms on his shoulders to the sides of his neck while smiling to him.

 Din chuckled at your playful gesture and grabbed both of your forearms in place, once again placing his forehead against yours.

 "And you'll be falling to the ground with me."