#and the only time it opens in a reasonable hour for me im offline

[doveyeellie]

of course punz opens his priv the moment i decide to watch a movie

[zmayadw]

Hello

Here’s the next part.

Have a nice evening!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 14        

For the next three days i was trying to keep myself bussy with work, so not to go crazy thinking if Jake will contact me. I wasnt very succesful with it, i kept thinking of him a lot. Did i make it worse with all i said to him? Does he feel the same? What if he doesnt, can i just get over it easy? My mind was a mash, i was going crazy. I barely managed to do any work. And not to mention, those darn phonecalls continued on a daily basis. I really started to get a bad vibe from it, but i couldnt think of anything that would give me a reason for it. On the fourth day, i couldnt stand anymore being in my motel room, so i texted Jessy if she wants to meet me for lunch. She replied shortly after, accepting my offer gladly. A change of scenery will do me good.

I met with Jessy at the town square, and we decided to go to a pasta place. As we sat at the table, and ordered, she looked at me all serious „Whats up, Maya? I can see worry written all over your face.“ I tought if telling her about the calls would be a good thing, she might get too worried for me. After a moment of hesitation, i started. „I'v been getting some weird phonecalls lately, and its driving me insane.“ Jessy looked at me, worry appearing on her face „What kind of calls?“ „Hidden caller calls“ i told her, sighing „It all started a while ago, and i didnt think much of it at first. But then they beacme more frequently.“ I paused for a moment, seeing Jessy getting more upset with it as i told her more of it. „Does the caller say anything?“ she asked. „No, just silence.“ I sighed, sounding tired „I got a bad feeling about it all, Jessy. I dont know why, but something is off with it all.“ „Did you tell anyone else about it?“ she asked, and i knew who she had in mind. „If you mean Jake, no, i havent told him.“ I looked at her, before i continued „Since you mentioned him, theres something else i have to tell you.“ I told her all about that night after i left Aurora. She scolded me for not telling her sooner, but not holding a grudge, considering othere things that wer happening. „So you understand now why i haven't told him anything.“ I said, a feel of desperation taking over me. Jessy looked at me for a moment „I understan.“ She started „But i think you should tell him, Maya.“ „I dont want him to think im pushy, Jessy.“ I said, but she interupted me „Maya, dont be a fool. He can help you with this. Heck, he's the only one from us all that can actualy be of any help.“ She looked at me, pleadingly „Please, Maya, promise me you will contact him. Today.“ I couldnt say no to her, and she was right. Jake was the one person who might help me with this. I sighed desperatly „Alright, Jessy, i promise i'll contact him.“ „Today.“ She added, and i replied „Today, yes.“ Neither of us had much of an apetit afterwards. She walked with me to my car, giving me a tight hug „Everything will be ok, Maya.“ She said, giving me a reasuring smile. „I hope so, Jessy.“ I opened the car doors. „Call me if you need anything, and i mean anything. I'm here for you.“ „Thanks, Jessy, i will.“ I said to her smiling, waveing her goodby.

When i got back to the motel, i sat at my bed, holding my phone in front of me, just staring at it. Four days passed since that night, and he still hasnt contacted me. But Jessy was right, Jake can help me. I opened my phone, entering the chat with him. „Hey, you there?“ i wrote, and pushed send. I got up from the bed, and started walking arround the room nervously, still holding my phone. When the sound of a new message beeped fom it, i almost dropped it.

Jake: Yes, what's up?

Maya: I need your help

Jake: Is everything ok?

Maya: Not really..

Maya: Is it possible for us to meet?

Maya: I really dont want to go about it over the phone.

Jake: Alright.

Maya: Cafe Rainbow?

Jake: Meet you there in an hour?

Maya: Yeah, great.

Maya: Thank you.

Jake: No worries.

                                  Jake is now offline

I decided to walk there, clearing my head on the way a bit. I took my stuff, and left. As i was walking towards cafe, i hoped the atmosphere between Jake and me wont be aqward. I was stressed enough with those calls. The day was sunny, so i took my sunglasses with me, even tho the sun wont be out for much longer. I got there a bit earlier, and sat at the table outside, ordering a coffee. It passed a few minutes maybe, when i saw Jake comming my way. He sat down accross from me, and ordered coffee, too. I took of my sun glasses, and I guess my face showed all the worry and tiredness, because i could see Jake's face getting all serious. „Is everything alright, Maya? You look terrible.“ He asked me, worry in his voice. „No, Jake, everything is not ok.“ I said desperatly. I started explaining him all about the calls, him listening intensly to every word i said. „Alright“ he said as i finished „So just the calls happened, nothing else?“ he asked me. I looked at him, sighing „You think im over exaggearting about it, dont you?“ He looked at me, softness in his eyes „Hey, i can see this is bothering you, so, no, i dont think that.“ „It does bother me. I have a bad feeling cravling at me every time my damn phone rings.“ I said desperatly „I'm on a verge of breaking.“ I slouched tiredly at my chair then. Jake nudged me on my knee „Hey, it will be alright.“ He gave me a reasuring smile „We will figure it out.“ I looked at him „Thanks, i really appriciate you doing this.“ „No worries.“ He said. He got all serious before saking „ Would you mind if i'd check your phone?“ „Ofcourse not“ i said. I took the phone from my purse, handing it to him, but he smiled „Not like that.“ I looked at him puzzled, before he replied to me „I would like to check your phone internaly.“ „Oh, i see.“ I asked him after a moment „And how will you do that?“ He got a bit nervous.„Uhm, well, i would have to get some stuff from Hannahs place.“ He started „We can do it at the motel.“ He looked at me then, and i noticed him blushing a bit. I smiled inside „Ok, that would be fine.“ And i added, trying to make him feel less uncomfortable by all „I dont want the others finding out about it, eitherway. At least untill we find out more about it.“ He relaxed a bit „Ok, great. Did you came with your car?“ „No, i walked this time. I was stressed too much for driving.“ I told him. „Alright, understandable. Well, you mind if we stop to Hannahs place first, then head to the motel?“ „Sure, lets do it.“ I said, leaving enough money on the table for both of our coffees. Jake wanted to protest, but i shushed him quickly „At least let me do this, as a way of a 'thank you'.“ He smiled at me „Not necessary, but alright.“ I smiled back, leaving the money, and we left.

Hannahs apartment wasnt far from the cafe. I told him i'll wait for him outside, and he went in to grab his stuff. He came back shortly, his backpack over his shoulder. „Alright, im ready.“ He said, as he got back to where i was waiting. We walked in silence, when my phone rang. I took it out of my purse, and tensed when i saw it was one more of those hidden calls. Jake took the phone from me, answering it. „Hello?“ he said, looking at me, as i waited impatiently . He said 'hello' few more times before the call was ended. He handed me the phone back „Dont worry, this is all probably nothing.“ He told me, giving me a reasuring smile. „I really hope so.“ We continued towards the motel. As we got there, i unlocked the doors and entered my room. Jake paused a bit at the doors, and i chuckled at him „Well, come in, I dont bite.“ i said. He shook his head smiling, saying as he stepped inside „You sure?“ „Well, you will just have to trust me.“ I said teasingly „Or would you rather prefer for me to leave a chair for you outside, so at least you can sit while you work?“ „Ha, thanks, but i'll take my chances inside then.“ He said, grining. He was so sweet, i couldnt belive he was here with me. I tensed at the tought, and quickly glanced arround the room, sighing with relieve i actually left it tidy. I got to the desk, moving my stuff away „Here, you can use the desk.“ „Thanks.“ He sat down and started taking his stuff out from his backpack. He took out his laptop, wich was waaaay better then mine, and some other gadgets i had no clue what they were. „Uhm, power plug?“ he asked, and i replied its behind the desk. He pluged all he needed, and started his laptop. It was interesting seing him like this. He was doing what he does best, and i could see seriousnes and dedication in it. His laptop booted, and he turned to me „Can i have your phone, please? And turn it off.“ I took my phone, turning it off, giving it to him. He took it and plugged it to one of the gadgets, wich was connected to his laptop. He opened some program on it, and started typing something on the keyboard, not even glancing at it. I just stared at him in amazement. To him, this was like playing a piano, he could do it with his eyes closed. He finished after a few moments, turning to me „Well, now we wait.“ „And what is it that you are looking for?“ i asked him „And, please, explain it to me as simple as you can, this whole thing is a nuclear sience to me.“ He smiled at me „ Well, simply saying, im checking if your phone was 'hacked' somehow,tempered in any way. But, that will take a while. I wanted to check it thoroughly, so it will take longer then usualy.“ „Alright, thank you for a simple explanation.“ I smiled at him. „You're welcome“ he replied. „Well, since this will take a while, we could order a pizza or something?“ I asked. „Sure, i could eat something.“ „Great“ i said, adding „Uhm, since my phone is 'under maintanance', could you do it?“  „Oh, sure.“ He smiled „What kinda pizza would you like?“ „Oh, whatever, as long as its not too spicy, or with exotic fruit.“ I shuddered at the last tought. He laughed, his laugh ringing to my ears like a beautiful melody. „Good taste.“ He said. „Want a Cola with it? Or anything else?“ „Cola is fine, thanks.“ I said. He fidgeted for a while with his mobile, setting it down on the desk „Ok, done. Should be here in about 40 minutes.“ „Great.“ I started „Amm, do you mind if i take a shower while we wait for it?“ He looked at me, his eyes getting some special glow in them, something i havent noticed before. I felt the heat spreading through my body, as his gaze intensified, when he finaly said „Ofcourse not, go ahead.“ He started „I'll be right here waiting.“ I smiled, turned to grab some stuff from the wardrobe, before going to bathroom. Jake was watching me the whole time, and i had a feeling i was burning now. I entered the bathroom, closing the door, and leaning agains it from the inside. What the heck was that, i tought to myself, This was new. And i liked it. Could it be, i tought, that my little monologue from that night initiated something? I looked at myself in the mirror, realizing i was grinning like a mad man. I turned the shower on, taking my clothes off, and steping inside.

When i was done, i putted fresh clothes on and left the bathroom. Jake was still sitting behind the desk, checking something on his laptop. He turned to me as i stepped back into the room „Feeling better?“ he asked. „Yes, definatly.“ I told him smiling, sitting on the bed.. „Thats a nice pendant arround your neck.“ He told me. „A gift from someone sepcial?“   „Yeah, as a matter of fact.“ I said smiling, my hand automaticaly reaching for it. I told him how my mom always liked clovers, and about giving me that pendant, saying it will bring me luck and keep me safe. „Thats kinda like my lucky charms.“ I said smiling. But my smile faded, and i said gloomily „Kinda ironic at the moment, wouldnt you say.“ Jake got up from the desk, sitting next to me on the bed. „It's not.“ He said „Nothing happened that would make you say so.“ „Nothing happened 'yet'.“ I said, sighing, leaning my head on his shoulder. Just being this close to him made me feel better. His presence made me both aroused and calm at the same time. My hands wer resting on my legs, and he putted his hand over mine „Nothing will happen, Maya, i promise you.“ His hand was so soft and warm. I closed my eyes, just enjoing this moment, taking in deep breaths of him. The pizza guy knocked at the door then, and i cursed under my breath, moving my head from his shoulder. I wanted for the moment to last a bit longer. Jake looked at me, giving me an akward smile, his face showing he was sharing my resentment by the knock. He got up slowly, going for the door. He gave the guy some money taking pizza and drinks from him. I moved myself to the head of the bed, adjusting both pillows on the bed frame. „C'mon, lets eat while its still warm.“ I told him, tapping with my hand other side of the be. He came to the other side of the bed, putting the pizza on the middle. He handad me the bag with the drinks, and i took them out, placing them on the stand next to my side of the bed. He took his sneakers off and sat on the bed. I handed him some napkins from the bag, and we opened the pizza box. It was late already, so i turned the night light on the stand. I grabbed the tv remote „Want me to find some silly movie?“ I grined at him. He chuckled „Sure, why not.“ I switched through programmes, stoping on some movie we both agreed to just leave it on. We just watched and ate in silence. We finished the pizza, and i got up moving the box from the bed, handing him his drink. He took a few sips giving it back to me. With pizza box gone, we both stretched on the bed, and i switched of the light. I adjusted my pillow, Jake doing the same, and as he did, our heads touched at the top. I smiled, looking at the TV, feeling my eyes becoming heavy. „This is nice.“ I said after a moment, yawning sleepely. I could feel Jake smiled „Yeah“ he said „It really is.“ His hand found mine then, and our fingers intertwined. I moved closer to him, turning on my side, placing my head on his chest, not letting his hand go. He hugged me with his other hand, pulling me even closer to him. I closed my eyes, letting his breathing and the sound of his heartbeet lulling me slowly to sleep. Before sleep took over me, i said almost whispering „Good night, Jake.“ He gently kissed me on the forehead „Sweet dreams, Maya.“

[optimismrpt]

HOW RIGBY RUNS A ROLEPLAY : A VERY SPECIFIC GUIDE ( OF SORTS )

BONUS CONTENT: ACCEPTANCE DAY

I think it’s essentially to start with this disclaimer: This is merely how I run a rp and I’m not saying by any means it is how a rp should be run. I have found success through these methods all in combination and I can’t promise that they work all the time.

IMPORTANT ! if you use this guide as a basis for your rp please credit back to me somewhere on your front page, rules, or plot! this is a very specific type of rp (small limited run plot heavy skeleton rp) that i have worked very hard to develop over the past five years. i want you to learn from my successes and failures, and please give credit where it is due!

It is a lot of work! Like A LOT! And if you don’t have time to admin with full commitment this is not the right type of rp to attempt.

With that in mind, let’s go!

FULL GUIDE IN THE SOURCE LINK! 

BEFORE THE ACTUAL DAY

First of all, getting apps is fun and it’s easy to get wrapped up in the excitement and want to move things forward as soon as possible. However, I recommend you don’t rush! Do not move up your acceptance date or the date that you close the inbox! This isn’t fair to the people who were planning on finishing up their apps before the original deadline who now have to crunch to meet the new deadline or may not be able to make the new deadline at all because of irl responsibilities. It’s always good to give lots of warning for the inbox closing and stick to it! 

I also recommend that you do not lower the threshold of people needed to open. Sometimes it can be disheartening to set an app threshold at ten and then only get six apps, even if the days grind on with no new apps, stick it out and keep promoting! Opening with less than eight characters (and for apples I’d say 15 characters) is going to make activity lackluster. It’s better to delay opening for the sake of having a grand first day than to jump the gun and end up making the rp fizzle before it can even start. 

About 52 hours before acceptances are set to take place I like to write out a to-do list and put it in my drafts. It usually involves ‘write acceptance posts, update skeletons, update main, post acceptances, post follows, post opening note’. Just having everything you need to do between then and opening written out in order is so helpful. And being able to check things off the list creates both a feeling of relief and excitement. So make a plan, determine how soon everything needs to be done, and work through it meticulously. In the rush of opening day it can be easy to forget important things like updating the triggers page.

If I have time I try to write everything hours in advance. When it comes to things like opening announcements and plot drops I try to write those at least 24 hours of their release time. And this is why I like, for competitive rps, to close the inbox and then give myself at least two hours to deliberate. But I’d even encourage giving yourself 6 hours between the inbox closing and posting acceptances. I know that’s a while to make people wait but apps can get pretty long and reading them all (and probably rereading a few of them multiple times) can be a lengthy process! 

I always try not to read the apps at all before the deliberation time. I find that if I read an app when it comes in that gives the first person an advantage because they have more time for me to adapt to their vision and start to assimilate it and get attached. And that’s not fair to the people who may have stumbled upon the rp later. So I just read the app far enough to get the info for the app count.

Just as a general rule I like to post important dates and times in at least two different timezones. For example ‘Acceptances are at 6am GMT / 1pm EST / 10pm PST ’. That way you can show that you are keeping other timezones in mind. And plus it’s nice to just to the conversion work so your applicants don’t have to. 

DELIBERATION TIME

Start by reading the apps which don’t have competition. These ones are easiest because it’s not a matter of determining whether they are the best of the bunch, it’s just deciding whether or not they are are passable. So I always read those first and then write their acceptance post immediately after I make my decision so that at least I’ll have that to post at the set acceptance date. That way, even if I haven’t made a decision on all the apps I’ll have something to post to show that I am reading apps and trying to stick to schedule! 

When your are dealing with competitive apps there are a few things I look for in an application: 

The most important is that the applicant seems willing to talk to you. This could be asks, ims, or even a little note in the app! Writers who want to make it clear what their intentions/desires/goals are ooc are going to be the easiest to work with! Plus it gives you an idea of how flexible they are! Those who dig their heels in when you offer up alternative suggestions are probably not good to work with. You want to find someone who has direction, intention, and ideas but don’t treat your ideas (or anyone else’s) as lesser than their own. 

Call for humor! I’ve found that I have trouble with people who take themselves and their characters too seriously. This means that they often won’t be up for plotting since they don’t want their character to be anything less than graceful. Humor is a really good sign that a writer is fun, creative, and understands their character. 

I also get wary of people who overhype the rp. Making edits/adding memes in the talk tag is all very nice, but when it looks like an rpt is promoting my rp just to give themselves an advantage over other applicants I tend to count that against them. I don’t like the idea of an rpt trying to use their signal boosting and popularity in the rpc as leverage over me. 

One of the biggest red flags is someone not sticking to the skeleton! If someone blatantly disregards one or more aspects of the skeleton that is an instant strike against them. I don’t like it when people have ocs that they adapt to fit a skeleton because most of the time that means that they don’t really care about the skeleton and your ideas. However, if they contact me about changes to the skeleton in advance and ask if some edits are alright then that’s actually a really good sign! I want people to play a character that they are happy about and I’m willing to change up any skeleton. I just need to know the applicant is willing to work with me instead of against me. 

Do not be afraid to deny applications. I used to never do this because I felt it was too mean and judgmental but now I realize I reserve the right as an admin to deny any app or character that I don’t vibe with. Go with your gut, and if the application is making you uncomfortable or nervous in any way, do not accept them. Sometimes it’s better to have one role go unwritten than to have someone who isn’t good for the group. Because both ic and ooc dynamics contribute to the effectiveness and survival of the group, you need to be excited to work with everyone and their characters. 

One of the ways that I protect myself from muns who may not be right for the rp is by putting a password in the rules. Often the apps that make me uncomfortable are the ones that disregard or contradict the skeleton or plot. It’s clear that the mun either wasn’t paying attention, reading the pages carefully, or just chose to ignore what they read. It’s often That the apps that I don’t vibe with end up being the ones that don’t read the rules and therefor don’t put the password. So not only is it a good indicator to me that the mun might not be very considerate but it’s also a great default reason to deny an app without having to tell the mun directly that you didn’t like other aspects of their app. Most often I allow them to reapply if they’d like to but their acceptance won’t be immediate, so that there’s a chance someone else might apply for the same role with an application than doesn’t skeeve me out.

ONCE YOU’VE MADE THE DECISION

Write out your acceptance notes. I try to write a full paragraph for everyone when I am accepting for a skeleton rp. If there’s more than 20 characters being accepted then obviously don’t, since that’s way too much to ask of you. But if it’s a small group I always endorse writing a little welcome the chosen mun saying what ti was about their appt hat you gravitated towards. It’s kind of a way to also provide feedback to those who were denied as to what their app might have been missing. Plus, it’s just a good way to get the right vibes going for the ooc portion of the rp. Muns need to feel appreciated! After all they put in the work to get there! 

I also like to offer feedback to those who were denied but with a disclaimer that most apps are chosen based on how they mesh with the other apps, since that’s something no one can anticipate. Usually the quality of the writing isn’t as big of a factor as how the character plays into dynamics with the others and whether or not their desired plots and connections with your vision and everyone else’s. Most of the time people won’t take you up on it, but be kind and thoughtful to those who do. However, if they are aggressive towards you in any way because they are upset about being denied block them immediately. Just trust me on that one. 

Keep everyone updated as to your progress! Just telling everyone where you are at (in the process of reading apps, writing the acceptance notes, or taking a break) is a good way to put everyone’s minds at ease. It’s especially important to let people know if you are logging off for a while on acceptance day.  That way people aren’t stuck refreshing the page and dreading that you might be ignoring them. On acceptance day I like to make a post every time I come online or go offline. It may seem like oversharing but it’s honestly so helpful to both you and the applicants. 

POST-ACCEPTANCES

Once you are about to start posting acceptance notes, turn off anon. I know that anon can be very useful for those shy and curious folks that don’t want to im you directly, but this is another case where you’re just gonna have to trust me. For your mental health turn off anon and keep it off for at least 48 hours. I usually keep it off permanently unless there are more roles that need to be filled in a second round of acceptances. There aren’t really any questions that should need to be asked anonymously once you have a full roster of muns and this is a good way to get people used to asking you questions via discord, im, or dm. To prevent nasties from bullying you and to open the line of communication between you and your members, turn off anon! 

And finally, once you have posted acceptances, close your laptop or turn off your monitor and don’t come back to it for at least an hour. I like to give myself two hours to go on a walk, eat some food, and just do non-rp things for a while. Acceptances are stressful and it’s important not to get swept up in it and feel overwhelmed. Taking a step back and remembering you exist outside of rp and outside of being an admin is so important. It’s hard to resist temptation, but if you have anon off really the only thing that’ll come into your inbox are follow messages and those can wait for two hours (or more)! But like I said above, keep everyone updated that you are going to log off for a bit and you’ll be back. Just so no one assumes the worst. 

Just remember to be kind to your applicants and to yourself! It’s a stressful time for everyone! 

[maddiefriendlovesbilly]

Spencer x Ghost?

Spencer x Ghost

(AAAAA- it has been months since you sent this to me, and all i can say is im so sorry) Side note I have my friend @lethalbreadkills helping me with this one!

For reference: Maddie (maddiefriendlovesbilly) is green, Jimmy (lethalbreadkills) is red (((its 4:30 at the time i have joined this so im dead braincell wise sorry yall))) and Orange is stuff we decided together :3

Also this is so very chaotic im so sorry for this anon but this has been in my fuckin drafts for SO LONG and this is the only way its getting finished (its now 5 am uwu) im so sorry for all the shitposting i do its a mess. I shouldnt have been allowed here. (we finished at about 5:30 am its hell <3)

Sphost? Ghencer?? Sphoster??? I adore and despise them all equally.

We have decided that it should be BeanieGhost

Anyway I think this ship is really cute

They’re both so neurotic I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue

One of them starts a rant on some topic and the other joins the hell in

I’m an advocate of LETTING SPENCER INFO DUMP BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT OKAY

And Ghost would let this dream come true???

I would die for both of them and if Spencer told me I had to die I wouldn’t even complain, no questions I’d just be like “Aight.” I trust him that much.

(Not sure I trust Ghost’s judgment enough to do that unquestioningly; sorry Ghost)

Back on topic

I can’t imagine these guys on anything that comes close to society’s definition of a date

It’d be more like “hey you wanna come on this hunt with us?” “maybe, depends if there’ll be snacks” or like chilling in Spence’s room binging the entire star trek: original series in one sitting or “oops sorry about that level 11 entity that attached to my soul and is now wreaking havoc in your house, wanna make out later to make up for it?” “Fine but you also have to play three rounds of Call of Duty with me afterward”

They wouldn’t be romantic often but like highkey? I can see them throwing themselves into the line of fire for each other with a recklessness only they could survive

We can’t forget that Spencer is a more than 60,000-year-old overpowered demon/god/entity/thing, which, yes, could throw a slight wrench in this ship for multiple reasons, but I choose to make angst out of it instead.

Side note: Ghost is a chronic conspiracy theorist (and you can’t tell me otherwise) and every once in awhile Spencer will offhandedly say something like “Y’know I helped the Egyptians build the pyramids” and Ghost just goes fucking feral.

Look, I’m not saying Spencer IS touch-starved and most likely has issues creating and developing relationships and therefore avoids interpersonal connection, especially offline, but I AM saying he is prime material for it. (thats a lie thats exactly what shes saying don’t believe it) (I’m projecting okay dont judge me) (loser imagine projecting)

Imagine with me for a second: Why does Spencer willingly stay with a family who locks him in their basement with only minor complaining? He’s a near all-powerful entity just released into the world for Spence’s-sake - If he wanted to, there’s no telling what havoc he could wreak! So why doesn’t he? Why would someone so powerful, so terrifying, so dangerous that a group of people decided to seal him away forever stay with the first family he finds in sub-par conditions for years - especially someone who’s seen to be as high-maintenance as Spencer? Let me hit you with a theory: He’s chasing the feelings of validation, safety, and love - no matter how rarely it’s shown - that a family can provide. Being socially isolated for even a few years can do a number to a person’s psyche (I should know, I’m projecting onto this character right now), let alone thousands.

Now maybe Ghost can’t match thousands of years in isolation, but damn if he doesn’t have a few years of crippling loneliness on his record too.

I can see the two of them learning how to be vulnerable around others together, emotionally and physically; learning how to open up and how to talk through issues; and some third point, because points are better in threes.

(May I suggest that these losers are both trans but thats just me adding in my own projection lmao)

(You absolutely may)

Imagine the conversation thats just “so i have a murderer in my head thats an ass” “rip to u ig sounds like a you problem :///”

imo spence has trouble expressing emotions other than like,,, annoyance and haughtiness, its like sort of his go-to defence, so showing Ghost his emotions is a big step for him

I hear you, and i say yes good. (found this one headcanon that i kinda live by where he was uh, either autistic or adhd i dont remember but theres that too) OH yeah that would be at thing huh. Spencer: *is emotionally vulnerable @ ghost* ghost: oh shit im trusted??? Oh fuck uh.

Yeah so like…. Ghost and spence showing emotion at eachother is kind of :flushed: ghost be like: whats an emotion. Imagine having emotions fuciiing loser hhaha,,,, *laughs nervously*

Ghost is also very emotionally distant with most people so it would probably be like “what??? The fuck?? Emotions?????? You have those???”

Ghost and Spencer be like *gay*

So another idea is that maybe Spencer realizes Ghost doesnt play any games [like the uncultured SWINE he is] and decides he must [remedy] this and so he introduces him to like, nintendo first. (some bitches thought that said nintendo fortnite. Im bitches) and theyre playing like, mario kart or smash or smth and Ghost gets really [fuckin into it]

Ghost and spencer: *literally in eachothers laps playing fucking wii tennis*

Spooker: what are the- *TOAST FUCKING SLAPS A HAND ACROSS HIS MOUTH* shut up you dont wanna know what happens when its mentsonssbfdjfsd (sorry i had a stroke uwuwuwuw)

(Theyre in denial we don’t judge in this house)

They will not hesitate to play dirty either, they will straight up push each other over and vaguely flirt

Ghost is losing and straight up fucking goes “ur hot” and spencer actually dies and boom ghost is the winner. sparkle emoji Magic sparkle emoji

“I am Not a HomoSexual:™:” “Yeah, sure you aren’t” “Screw off”

Pet-names-ish: Asshole, Gaymer-Boy, casual insults, Mr. Spirit Bitch, Mistake, Loves Ghosts More Than His Boyfriend What A Fucking Loser aka Gay-ass

Pros:

They both open up a lot most likely. Gain someone to trust since they’ve sort of been through the same things (though on much different scales)

I can see soft hours of hanging in each other’s bedrooms

Spencer is a tsundere you cant tell me otherwise youre just a coward if you disagree

So is Ghost so this can only go well

Every time Ghost has to solve a case at the Acachallas Spence is just peaking out from his basement like “the fuck is this?? Hot Man??????”

Enemies to lovers 500k (Gets Hot and Steamy :flushed: NOT CLICKBAIT!!!!11!!!!! 18+!!!!!!! GAY LOVE StORY!!!!!!) Lemonz!!! Made from teh Sexiest of Wattpaders UWUWUWU YAOI Boys Love don’t like don’t read!! (this is so fucking stupid jkfnd) I hate this with a passion Q^Q. All my years of being a basic watpad fanboy have helped me to the moment i bring maddie to tears

The steam is just like,,,,, holding hands and being angy all the fuckin time the steam is literal because their anger translates into actual steam

Cons:

Their angst has nowhere to go and it just sits between them like two raccoons at a dumpster-style mexican standoff

They really start off hating each other huh. Like, I know this can still lead to healthy relationships but neither of them are very good at healthy relationships with people he hasn’t known for his Whole Life so that’s an Oh No.

They totally feed off of each other’s stupidity (but this could be seen as a pro too so take that as you will) as well as anger - im talking one-upping each other kinda shit

Its ridiculous honestly how intense it gets, like they straight up need intervention sometimes because they dont realize they can just STOP

Conclusions:

I think this would be a relationship that would that a lot of time and hard work to make work, but i think in the end it would be really super cute!! Like it would make no fuckin sense to anyone else but somehow they’d understand each other and help each other through their similar issues. Also theyre both big nerds in different ways and i think they’d have just ranting sessions back and forth over and over and it would be soft!!!!! So yeah, i think it would work, at least, i want it to :D

So. Maybe?? I feel like it could, but they’d need to work pretty hard to make it healthy and not constant fighting. Could be stupid amounts of cute and wholesome but also could be stupid amounts of oh no and pain, depending on how the two act. If they learned how to get along with each other and work past their differences it could be super cute and soft. Just a very, er, bumpy beginning. And middle. And end. (this makes me very nervous,,,,why did you mention an end) (wouldnt you like to know weather boy) (TvT) UFDUNS bumpy but soft . Agreeing with the loser gay, want this to work it’d be interesting :3

[bxstiae]

HOW I RUN MY BLOG

SPEED: fluctuates on my mood. I’m relatively fast? like usually same day reply fast. sometimes it takes me a few days. know that the long it stays in my drafts, the longer i will take on it. my all time record is about 3 years. while granted it doesn’t take that long, don’t be surprised about it. best case scenario, it takes me a couple of weeks, i dont like having things fester. i also sometimes forget too! you are more than welcome to remind me if it seems like i have but please don’t make it a habit. in regards to response time on pms/discord -- short turnover rate. I usually respond to it within the hour. usually within seconds/minutes actually. if i am awake that is. unless im offline and in my happy place, i tend to log out of discord to get away from people when im overwhelmed. blog wise, i dont have him on my app. so messages are only when im on my laptop or have time to check on chrome mobile.  

REPLIES: i dont like drafting them. my dash is slow enough that i can scroll down to it. i will draft it though if i need to. length wise, im an avid writer. i write A LOT. they can get very lengthy at times. i write with a bit of prose -- that prose can get very HEAVY depending on my partners as well. i also format as well. i like heavier formatting without losing the quality of the writing. i dont like one-liners. you will see me with at least two paras or more. please know that i am dyslexic though when it comes to writing, and i have a bad habit of rereading my stuff after i post. so mistakes && errors are a thing for me. i try to catch it when i am rereading as im going through to format the posts. but sometimes things get missed. you are more than welcome to fix some if it is a bad spelling mistake ( better to ask first tho cause i spell with a brit keyboard -- and i specifically choose certain words to be spelt a specific way. )

STARTERS: when i post the starter call, any mutual ( && i really mean ANY of you ) can like it. this goes for if you follow me on multiple blogs. we interact already on one blog? by all means we can interact with one another on your other blog. but if you do, it gives me free reign to do whatever i want. look for my tags to see what i say too. they usually are a key factor in regards to my thought process. i try to get everybody done within reasonable time. dont worry i will never not make a mutual a starter if they like the call. i usually go for the first interaction/meeting with the muse though. if that doesn’t float your boat then you can message me about it. i normally don’t message people in regards to starters because A) im tired, B) i expect you to come to me.

INBOX: inbox is absolutely open to anybody! in fact, if i post a prompt, i ask that you send something in. even if we never interacted! im more versed into throwing the muse into a pre-established relationship. with the inbox, i will sometimes go to you because of that. i really do love to write, && the inbox is a perfect way to send something in without having any strings attached in regards to replies. like i said im an avid writer. i always want to write. sometimes people are slow and i get that. since im faster, i have no problem in doing inbox stuff for you to develop interaction ( aside from plotting ). best way to actually enjoy character interaction for me tbh. cause sometimes threading be hard okay?

SELECTIVITY: i am biased, i will say it now. i have preference over people i talk to ( who i consider my friends ), or people that i like. but that doesnt mean i will blatantly ignore you. people should know that if you talk to me, then the chances are i will give you more attention. sometimes i just click or vibe with people okay? in regards to following. i am on the heavy side of mutuals only and i prefer a slower dash. i give about a week for people to follow back, or ample enough time for them to follow. there will be some people that i will be fine if they arent mutuals though as i like their content. that being said, i try to be super fair to everybody. i give people an equal chance. if i follow you it means i want to interact with you ( there are super rare exceptions ). but go too long without interacting, then i will unfollow/softblock. im not a number for you. i have feelings. and, yes, i will, at random, unfollow those who either dont make me comfortable anymore, or i need time away from them. or im just not getting that vibe anymore. 

WISHLIST: see here && here for some stuff i want. i love his pokemon verse i have. i also love his FE verse i have as well. i have a FE3H AU as well but i will naturally throw him into FEH or FE3H for that verse. i have plotted with a friend in regards to an echoes verse as well. honestly. i just want a lot of stuff for him. i want more wolf interactions. i kinda favour his beast forme anyway. but i also want interactions with the language differences. there is a language barrier with him! but i want those interactions cause he understands you! i have that hc somewhere dug in my blog. gotta find it. other interactions? i want a midna to interact with. link && the links AU?? also what does a man gotta do around here to get people to discuss plots.

HONEST NOTE: if you think im an elitist, then find your way out of the door -- youre probably right and i dont want you here. ive been here for a really long time && i know what i want. all jokes aside though, im tired of people being intimidated by me for different reasons. some people think its my aesthetic ( when really im not that bad ). others are intimidated by the sheer amount of writing i do? like okay?? kindly fuck off please. i write for stress relief. i write to have fun. my idea of fun is writing a lot. if you have a problem with that then sorry but i dont want you here. i have a passion for my muses and if you dont want to hear it, then i dont have time for your complaining. theres an unfollow button. i have a journalism degree so... yea. but really. im just really tired okay. im actually a very sweet person and i wear my heart on my sleeve. anybody who knows me well enough can tell you that. i hate being ignored tbh, so if i find energy && time to like talk to you, at least acknowledge me by saying thank you. btw im not really that much of an an elitist -- i just LOOK like i have a hard shell, but im actually super soft and squishy.

Tagged by: nobody I stole from @pristinette​ Tagging: you do you fam. just @ me as per usual cause pretend i tagged you.

[sirgwaiine]

Stubborn Identities

Summary: based off of this post:

everyone thinks that iron man is an android, so when they’re pinned down and told to surrender Iron Man to the villain, despite Iron Man’s protests, they concede, and they say something about how Tony can rebuild him and download his memories, and IM just thanks them for letting him join the team, and thanks Steve for everything and goes into captivity to trade for the rest of the Avengers’ lives and Steve gets back all post mission exhausted and bloody and goes to talk to his boyfriend about it and can’t find him.

A/N: this will not quite fit under the proper timeline, as I wanted Tony to have nano-tech for this. My apologies. I hope it’s good, regardless!! Thank you @striving-artist for this beautiful prompt (and if you want me to take it down, just ask)

Pairings: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark Words: 4228 Warnings: blood

It started off a normal enough day. Just another day fighting Skrulls, same old same old. Comms were commanded to be used at all times, lest they fire at a friend or turn their backs to a foe.

What changed everything?

The battle seemed over, the Avengers on the last leg, ready to finish the job, when the Mandarin’s voice came over the city streets. At the same time, AIM jets appeared, apparently cloaked in stealth tech for the majority of the battle. Skrulls seemed to come out of the walls and windows, surrounding the band of heroes. Once again, they were overwhelmed, but this time almost hopelessly. Blasters, jet fire-power, and the Mandarin’s power put them in a position of weakness, particularly after fighting for almost 12 hours already.

Ant-Man had gone Goliath and was exhausted. Wasp was okay, having been shrunken for the majority of the battle, but she worried about Hank. Hulk was getting particularly cranky, and the threat of city destruction from Hulk-smash was no further away than that produced by the Skrulls. Captain America was tired, but the serum helped him, rejuvenating his tired bones and muscles with the new threat. His lack of armor was what worried Tony, though, and Iron Man himself was beaten and bruised, exhausted. Prior to the mission, he’d been awake for 36 straight hours. The new threats scared him.

The expected assault doesn’t come though, and it’s when Steve opens his mouth to speak up that demands are made.

“Avengers!” The Mandarin screams, although where the voice is coming from, they still aren’t sure. It seems to surround them. “A worthy band of soldiers, but you cannot win every fight. That is why today we give you a choice! Give us the Iron Man, and we will spare the city, as well as your lives. You have no hope of defeating us, the only protection you can provide will come with this surrender. Speak wisely, as I will not offer a second time.”

After he speaks, it seems as though the streets themselves are holding their breath, although Tony knows this should be an easy choice. He grounds himself as the team looks to him. Steve is the first to speak.

“I think we should do this. We’ll have Tony shut down the bot, take it offline, and they’ll get nothing. In the meantime, we regroup, get some rest, come up with a plan. I’ll apologize to Tony.” He delivers. The team nods their heads, but Janet’s lips purse.

“What if they manage to reverse engineer the bot’s technology?” She asks. Steve frowns and shrugs.

“We have to do this, Wasp. And he’s just a bot. AIM already has technology almost advanced as the Iron Man, and by the time they reverse engineer it, Tony will have something newer, bigger, and better. I can almost guarantee it.” He responds, matter-of-fact. Janet sighs and nods her head.

Inside the armor, Tony nods and the others see the suit do the same. Reasonable enough for a complex robot with its own intuitive A.I.

“Goodbye all. It was good fighting with you.” Tony says, trying for entirely emotionless. Try as he might, however, he hopes the team can’t detect the quake of fear in his voice. He’d do this a thousand times for the team, although that doesn’t mean he can’t be afraid. Tony swallows and turns the suit to face Steve.

“Goodbye, Captain.” Tony says. He wishes his final goodbye to Steve could be more than this, but Steve won’t let him do this if he knows, so it’s all Tony can say. He sends a salute toward Steve and takes off to the air again toward one of AIM’s ships. All guns are trained on him.

As the suit vanishes against the dark of the ships, the Skrulls all disappear in a flash of light. Some transporter device maybe.

The team gets back on the Quinjet, unease filling their limbs. They lost. They aren’t enough to keep Earth safe anymore.

Steve watches the sky. Something doesn’t feel right. He gets a flash of emotion, but it’s gone as soon as it hits. He’ll be home soon.

~~~

When Tony lands in the carrier, he blinks to JARVIS.

Hold, hold, blink, hold.

Blink, blink, hold.

Blink, blink.

Blink.

Hold.

Q U I E T, and the suit is silenced. No noises made from within will come out. Comms are shut off and all servers and data except those needed for basic functions are cleared as the emergency protocol he’d installed takes effect.

He follows the goons leading him inward mutely. If he’s muttering curses in the suit until they reach what seems to be the garage, well no one else can hear them.

The goons grab the ‘robot’ and place clamps over the gauntlets. Tony doesn’t test to see how easily they’ll blow, but he knows they aren’t there to stop him. They’re there to give AIM enough time to blow him to bits.

Another man walks over and walks around Tony, his eyes observant, keen, and dangerous. Tony wants to shiver in the suit. Minutes pass and he’s coming closer now, observing more closely, touching the suit. Tony’s fighting to stop the chills at having this man so close to his body.

“What the fuck?” The new man spits, stopping behind Tony. The men that brought Tony back look at him.

“Brad?” One of them speaks. Tony offers a smile, the mask hiding the movement. He’s kidnapped and the man meant to open up this “bot” is named Brad. God, how Tony wants to comment.

The only thing that keeps him quiet is fear of what happens if they find out that Iron Man is a he, not an it.

Brad grabs a screwdriver and Tony starts flinching as he comes at the nanotech, although the screwdriver finds no purchase, nowhere to cut in. He takes it toward Tony’s clavicle, his knee, his elbow, behind his ear, his heel. Nothing. Tony has to tell JARVIS to support and lock his position to stop him from moving and reacting.

Brad and his henchies take turns trying at it for an hour, but to no avail. Normally, the suit may not be so strong, but wherever the men try to break, JARVIS sends particles to the spot to reinforce it.

Tony watches them get frustrated and smiles again, this time with grim satisfaction. Soon enough, he’s sure they’ll ship it off somewhere with better equipment than the carrier, and that’s when he’ll make his escape.

That is, at least, until one of them stabs a knife into the leg of the suit out of anger and penetrates it, JARVIS unable to predict the outburst.

Tony manages to bite back his scream, but it doesn’t matter. They take the knife out and blood gushes down the suit and onto the floor, pooling around his foot. All three men stare only momentarily, and then Brad approaches and puts his fingers to Tony’s leg. He smells them.

“What is it, boss?” One of the other men ask. “Oil?”

A terrifying smile reaches Brad’s lips and this time, Tony lets his shiver run through his body.

“No. Blood.”

~~~

Steve’s whole leg is bouncing underneath the table throughout the entire debriefing, something biting at him, although he can’t tell what. Usually Tony is at the briefing after he checks out the Iron Man in one of the garages on the Helicarrier, but he isn’t here this time. Usually he approaches Steve with a clap on the back. He didn’t.

Halfway through, he stops speaking and launches up. Everyone jumps from whatever reverie they had been in.

“I’m sorry, Jan, please finish the briefing. I need to inform Stark of the bot he lost.” Steve commands, turning to leave the room. He wonders if maybe JARVIS told Tony and Tony’s mad at him. They’ll get in a little spat, but Tony won’t mean a word he says and neither will Steve, and it’ll end in a movie night in which Tony falls asleep on the couch and Steve’s carries him to bed. He’ll linger for a moment, wanting to stay, but think better of it and climb the stairs to his own floor and room. Tony will have the next bot underway by the time Steve gets back from his run.

His pace is brisk as he walks to the garage area and gets his bike, climbing on and racing home.

He’s even more confused when he gets to the Tower and Tony isn’t waiting for him in the common area. He checks the workshop, the gym, the kitchen, even Tony’s bedroom. Every room leads to greater and greater agitation until he can’t say he feels much of anything beside fear and he doesn’t know why.

“JARVIS, where’s Tony?” He shouts to the ceiling, urgency in his voice. Normally it feels odd speaking to nothing, but right now all he can think of is how off everything else is.

“Ms. Potts may be better suited to answer your question.”

Steve takes out his phone dials up her number. She answers before the second ring, and Steve can’t help but thank God that Pepper’s so prompt.

“Hey, Steve, what’s up?” She asks. Her voice is pleasant, and Steve tries to use her tone to calm himself, but he can’t shake this feeling.

“Hey Pepper, do you know where Tony is?” Steve requests. The edge is still there in his voice.

“Uhm, did he not come to the briefing? He’s probably just in his workshop or somethi-” She begins, but Steve cuts her off. He almost feels bad about it.

“I checked the workshop and the gym and anywhere he might possibly be. I knocked on every Tower bathroom, even, and I can’t find him. I don’t know if he already knows about Iron Man and he’s angry, but I just need to explain.”

And just like that, Pepper’s entire demeanor changes.

“What happened to Iron Man?” She rushes, and Steve has to take a deep breath because if Pepper is this reactive about Iron Man, then he can’t imagine how Tony will react.

“I’m so sorry, Ms. Potts, but it was just the Skrulls, and then more came and so did the Mandarin and AIM and we were so out-numbered and there was no way we could win-” the elevator opened with a ding. The team steps out into the common area. “-and they wanted the Iron Man bot, so we gave him up. I figured Tony could remove any information that the Iron Man carried remotely. I’m sorry.” Steve confesses. There’s no sound on the other end. Despite the four new bodies in the room, there’s no noise on his end either.

Steve can’t handle the silence right now.

“Steve?” She says. Is her voice shaking? is what Steve thinks.

“Yes?” is what he answers instead.

“Get the team to SHIELD, James will have a pilot ready with the Quinjet when you get there. I will meet you on the Quinjet. You all have 10 minutes to get there, I suggest you find someway to do that.” She spits, and then she’s off the line. Steve is frozen for a minute, but he hears a little voice in his head counting down.

“Steve?” Bruce calls. That’s all it takes for him to run into action.

“Guys, Quinjet in 10.” Steve says, already sprinting to the elevator. He’s past them all by the time they turn around and step back in, and he’s slamming his finger on the button to go down. If the elevator goes faster than normal, Steve’s grateful.

Steve hops on his bike and Jan gets small enough to join him. Bruce panics minutely about it, but he and Hank share a bike as well and they zip through the streets of New York. If they ride the sidewalks a little, Steve’s not concerned about it.

Pepper wasn’t lying, and soon enough, Rhodes is running them to the Quinjet, his pilot Jason and Pepper both onboard already. Steve tries to ask what’s going on, but Rhodey won’t explain. Instead: “If you can contact Thor, do it now.”

Steve calls to Heimdall (”That’s my direct line,” Thor had said) as they run. Thor is at the Quinjet when they get there.

“What’s going on?” Thor asks Steve, but he doesn’t get to answer.

“Get in the goddamn plane and I’ll tell you.” Pepper fires, and Steve swears he’s never seen Thor shrink so much from a mere mortal before.

As soon as they’re all in, the plane lifts off, and Steve has to grab Banner to keep him from falling out.

“What’s going on?!” Hank shouts. Pepper and Rhodes look at each other and Steve can tell between the warring looks in their eyes that no one wants to speak, but Steve can’t wait anymore.

“Somebody say something, I’m begging you!”

Pepper looks at Steve, her eyes cautionary and apologizing as she takes a deep breath.

“Tony is Iron Man.” She mutters. It’s quiet, and nobody speaks after she says it. Except for Steve.

“What? I-We know, he makes the suits, they’re hisA.I. Are they really that important to him that we risk a city on them?” Steve demands. His eyes are racing back and forth between Pepper and the colonel.

“Steve-” Rhodey begins, but Pepper stops him with a hand and walks up to the blond.

“Steve, the Iron Man is a suit. An armor. Tony is Iron Man. You gave Tony up to AIM.” And Steve can hear her speaking, but he’s squeezing his eyes shut and his hands are gripping the shield so hard that he can feel its edge cutting into his palm.

“No, he gave himself up-”

“Yes, to protect you. To protect us, Cap.” Jan squeaks.

Steve feels his eyes getting wet and, for some reason, it spurs a chuckle out of him and a smile that’s half maniacal and half furious.

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to show him I don’t need protecting.” Steve quips.

“Steve, if you get yourself killed for him, Tony won’t be able to handle it!” Rhodes snaps, but Steve just turns on him.

“Well too bad he didn’t give me the same consideration!” Steve barks back. He and Rhodes stare at each other for a moment. Steve turns before he can say anything he regrets. Both ”I’ll kill anyone who gets in my way” and “Doesn’t that bastard know I’m in love with him?” fall into that category.

The rest of the ride is silent. Everyone gathers themselves and their gear as they follow the miniscule crumb trail to Tony’s location.

~~~

“Thor, wipe out as many as you can. Bruce, get green and start smashing. Jan, if it doesn’t kill you, I want you and Hank bringing this place to the ground. Rhodey, you’re with me. Jason, I want you as air support, but keep her in the air, and keep her safe.” Steve finishes, nodding to Pepper. He doesn’t wait for responses, he just turns and runs toward the bunker in front of them.

There’s only one building and it isn’t enormous, so this clearly isn’t where they keep the big guns or the aircraft. Just where the engineers do their work.

They came in under stealth tech on the plane, and Steve wants to get in and out with as few people knowing as possible. Does that mean he’ll waste time sneaking around? No. By the time Rhodes catches up with Steve, there’s a trail of bodies lining the hallways. With one gauntleted hand, Rhodey slams Steve against a wall. Steve rolls his eyes, and looking back, he’ll realize he just looked like a petulant child, but for now, his voice comes out as a hiss.

“They’re just unconscious, and we have to go.”

“No, Steve, listen. You need to be smart. I don’t know if you reciprocate any feelings or not. Based on this reaction, probably, but even if you don’t, you need to hear this: Tony loves you. He is head over heels in love with you. Now, maybe that matters to you, maybe it doesn’t, but with you is the happiest I’ve seen him in a long time, and I’m not going to let you fuck that up.

“He may be your teammate, your friend, your love, whatever, but I don’t give a fuck. I am his best friend. He is my brother. So don’t die, or I’ll bring you back so I can kill you myself. You got that?” Rhodey demands. Steve takes a deep breath and nods, and Rhodey releases him from the wall.

“Alright,” Rhodey continues, “now if you’d waited a second, I’ve got an energy signature that can only belong to the suit. I’ll fly you to it and we’ll get Tony back to the jet.”

Steve nods his head and follows Rhodes back out the way they came.

Getting Tony goes easily enough. He’s being held in a room with barred windows, and Rhodey’s got Tony in his arms and out the window before Steve’s even done with the baddies that were supposed to be guarding Tony.

Steve makes his way back to the jet, Jan and Hank stomping overhead, Hulk smashing around him, and Thor electrocuting anyone not hit by the others. Steve runs through anyone and everything to get back to Tony.

“Everyone on the jet now, we gotta go.” Steve hears over the comms.

Hank picks him up, takes two giant steps, drops him beside the jet, and shrinks. It isn’t long before the rest of the team is back as well. Again, as soon as they scramble on the jet, Jason takes off.

Immediately, Steve looks around for the Iron Man—Tony—but when he sees him in a corner, surrounded by a mumbling Pepper and Rhodey, he sits down and takes a breath.

It seems like forever until they land, but Pepper and Rhodes are stationed by Tony’s side the entire time. When they start to land, Steve stands and crosses the jet.

“I’ll carry him.” He murmurs as he approaches.

The two turn to look at him, and he’s not sure if they’re doing it on purpose, but he can’t see Tony past them. Finally, Pepper nods as they touch down and the door to the jet lifts, and she and Rhodes part.

Steve can’t move at first, the blood and the bruises that swell up Tony’s arms and calves and cheeks stopping him dead in his tracks. It’s only when Pepper delivers a quiet “He needs you right now, Steve” that he can force himself to bend and pick the man up as gingerly as possible, a hand behind the knees and a hand under his arms. He rests the man’s head against his chest and starts running toward medical, each step still careful as can be.

“I need a doctor!” He shouts once he’s in the medical bay. Immediately a nurse runs off and grabs a bed, carting it back to him. Another runs further down the hall through some doors and reemerges with a doctor.

Soon enough they’re carting him away and Steve wants to follow, but he’s been through medical enough times. He stands there helpless.

When the others reach him, nothing’s moved aside from the tears flowing down his cheeks.

~~~

Their time in the waiting room goes a little differently. Steve’s pacing, despite his many attempts to just sit himself down.

“Why wouldn’t he tell us? Please Tony, I swear, please be okay-” Steve is saying, and Rhodey cuts him off.

“Steve, he’ll be okay. Otherwise how am I gonna kill him myself?” He jokes, but it’s not all there.

Suddenly, a nurse walks through the door to the waiting room. They’re the only ones in there, and she smiles at them all.

“You can see him now.” She tells them, and Steve’s glad he’s been pacing, because now he can just run through the door while everyone else stands.

He can hear beeping and follows the noise to get to Tony, rushing to stand by the far side of his bed. He grabs a pale hand with a red tube leading through it, and brown eyes open and turn towards him.

“How badly am I in for it?” Tony asks, and Steve can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief and smile in utter fondness.

“The only reason you’re still alive is because Rhodey wants to kill you himself.” Steve replies. Yelling is for later. Right now, he can only bask in the light that still somehow seems to radiate off of this broken boy. Just then everyone else walks in, Rhodes in the lead.

“Honeybear!”

“Don’t you Honeybear me.” Rhodes says sharply, but it only lasts for a second before he just comes to stand beside the bed across Steve, relief clear on his face.

“You’re an idiot. You know that, Tones?” Rhodey asserts.

“Only cause you tell me so much.” Tony responds, smile bright before he winces, and Steve winces like he’s been hit. Rhodey looks up at him and then turns to everyone else.

“Alright, I’ve decided I’m not gonna kill him. Let’s let Captain America decide on punishment.” He calls, and everyone else just nods. One by one, they approach him to say hello, touch him, and say some sort of I love you.

Bruce makes some sciencey inside comment only the two of them understand. Hank says if Tony doesn’t give him the secret to nanotech he’ll hate him forever. Jan gives him a kiss on the forehead. Thor lets out a muttered “I truly will never understand you, Stark,” but says it with the widest smile in the world. Pepper’s lips linger on Tony’s forehead for a long moment before she brushes his hair back with utmost care. Rhodey flicks Tony’s ear, and then they’re all gone.

It’s silent for a moment as Steve reaches up to cup Tony’s cheek, gentle over the scrapes and resting his hand to avoid Tony’s bruised eye. Despite the cuts and bruises, Tony turns his head into Steve’s palm, and Steve feels his whole body heat at the movement, a pull in the pit of his stomach at the innocence and trust in that move.

Then Tony speaks.

“So, what am I in for, soldier?” Tony asks, big brown eyes looking up at him through thick lashes. Steve swallows.

“Well, Iron Man is grounded, that’s for su-”

Tony rips his head away from Steve’s palm, flinching as he does it, to look directly into Steve’s eyes. Steve moves his hands to steady him, but then Tony spits out a “Hell, no!” and Steve stops. His hands drop.

“What do you mean, ‘no’? You’re a civilian! You were almost killed, Tony!” Steve explains, and, God, he’s trying for gentle, for patience, but he knows Tony’s going to be stubborn about this and so his frustration comes out anyway.

“I mean no. You can try, but I’ll be out there in a suit no matter where the fight is. You forget who builds the tech, who can access any information they need. That person was me, and I’m not staying out of battles just because you know who I am now. I have to do this, Steve.” Tony insists, but Steve’s already shaking his head.

“No, Tony, I cannot have you getting hurt. I can’t let you get hurt and knowing it’s you out there now, I won’t be able to let you get in harm’s way, I can’t!” His voice rises at the end, and he feels his face going red, but Tony’s already fighting back.

“No, Steve, I can’t let you go out to battle alone! I can’t watch you leave and know that I won’t be at your back!”

“Why can’t you just stay down for once? You aren’t the only one who’s capable-”

“Because goddamnit Steve, I’m in fucking love with you, alright?! And my life, it’s whatever, but your life is everything, and I have to protect you, Steve!” Tony yells, and Steve can feel his mouth gaping, jaw flapping up and down like a fish out of water. He watches Tony shrink, his voice barely audible when he speaks next.

“I can’t lose you.” And now Tony’s looking down at his hands as they fidget and he’s leaning back against the bed, exhausted, and how did Steve not see those bags under his eyes before? Steve sighs.

“Tony, I can’t lose you either.” He moves his hands to encase Tony’s fidgeting ones, leading Tony to look into his eyes again.

“Tony, I love you too.” He sees Tony about to protest and speaks again.

“Tony, I am in love with you.” He assures, squeezing Tony’s hand. Tony just looks at him, and Steve swears somehow his eyes have gotten wider.

~~~

When everyone else walks in the room, Steve’s asleep in a chair, Tony asleep in the bed.

Somehow, their hands remain intertwined between them.

[incorrectchoniberonicaswangs]

hey baby won't you look my way (you can be my new addiction)

Chapter 6: because i also want to be rawed by alice cooper in that dress

Chapter Summary: Nobody has a normal sleep schedule, Jughead helps Betty with her totally-not-real issue, the Lodges and Coopers are really gay, and Archie has some scary (but still important to the plot) tendencies.

Notes: mayorlodge: hermione acoop: alice Also, just for clarification, both Hal and Hiram are out of the picture (mostly because it's convenient to the story but whatever). This is a long-ass chapter, so... have fun?

ao3

Wednesday, 12:00 AM

gays united

wannabett: IM BACK!!!

wannabett: as in i finally got my phone back!! im alive again!

nopeaz: you got your phone back at exactly midnight??

wannabett: yep!

hbicheryl: i dont understand you coopers

veroffica: cheryl, you're technically a cooper yourself.

veroffica: and even if you weren't, the blossoms are even worse.

hbicheryl: ugh

hbicheryl: technicalities

spillthefogarTEA: do any of you... actually go to sleep at a reasonable time??

wannabett: no

nopeaz: nah

hbicheryl: nope

veroffica: ha, no.

jugheadalones: definitely not

hisshissmotherfucker: no

goingtoheller: not a chance.

spillthefogarTEA: yeah, me neither

spillthefogarTEA: just checking

hisshissmotherfucker: normal sleep schedules are for the weak

hisshissmotherfucker: natural selection only the dumbasses die

hisshissmotherfucker: im the dumbass

nopeaz: same

jugheadalones: rt

hbicheryl: ^^^^

wannabett: ^^^

wannabett: so

wannabett: yall wanna talk??

hisshissmotherfucker: about how i just realized that fangs and bettys ship name would either be bangs or fetty?? absolutely

goingtoheller: bangs?? can we seriously talk about this?

nopeaz: when you said fetty all i could think of was fetty wap

hbicheryl: no we are NOT doing this now come back to bed and go to sleep RIGHT NOW topaz

nopeaz: as you wish, dear

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: well i need to get my beauty sleep so i can look my emo self tomorrow, so goodnight

[jugheadalones is offline]

spillthefogarTEA: okay i have to admit that we all should get some sleep, but @sweets we are circling back to bangs and fetty later

goingtoheller: ^^

hisshissmotherfucker: i cant help that all my best realizations come when im delirious from lack of sleep but if you say so fangs

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

[spillthefogarTEA is offline]

wannabett: nobody wants to stay up and talk? :(

goingtoheller: i might.

veroffica: i will too.

goingtoheller: nevermind, i'm going to sleep! have fun! ;)

[goingtoheller is offline]

wannabett: i guess its just us

veroffica: want to move this convo to a more private setting, then?

wannabett: sure thing

12:13 AM

wannabett + veroffica

wannabett: hey v

veroffica: hey, b.

veroffica: congrats on finally getting your phone back, btw!

wannabett: i missed you

wannabett: i mean i know that i was only absent for one day and i still managed to call you once

wannabett: but it felt longer than that. more significant

veroffica: i know what you mean. school was hellish (at best) without you there, especially with cheryl being, well, cheryl. i know that she's not half as bad as she used to be, and that toni's helping her to be a kinder person, but sometimes she just doesn't know when to back off.

wannabett: about that, did i ever thank you for standing up for me so vehemently? because i appreciate it

wannabett: you didnt have to but you did anyway

wannabett: and thats what i... uh,, really like about you!!

wannabett: hold on a sec i have to go my moms calling me!

veroffica: at 12:18 am?

veroffica: aaaand you're already gone.

12:18 AM

wannabett + jugheadalones

wannabett: hey jughead quick question

jugheadalones: i did mention earlier that i was going to go to sleep right??

wannabett: please this is really important

jugheadalones: fine, go for it

wannabett: okay hypothetical situation here

wannabett: say this one girl (lets call her lili) has this best friend (lets call her cami) but at one point lili almost says "and thats what i love about you" to cami

wannabett: what does that mean?? is it just a normal platonic friend thing??

jugheadalones: so, this is all strictly theoretical, correct?

wannabett: yes obviously any and all resemblance to real people is purely coincidental haha

jugheadalones: then id say that lili might actually have more-than-platonic feelings for cami

wannabett: do you really think so??

jugheadalones: yep

wannabett: so in this purely made-up circumstance... what should lili do?

jugheadalones: i think that lili should seriously consider telling cami about her feelings for her

jugheadalones: she just might be surprised by what cami says back

wannabett: okay thank you jug

wannabett: for your help on this definitely fake thing that clearly did not occur with undoubtedly nonexistent characters

jugheadalones: sure thing betty

jugheadalones: just next time dont wake me up at midnight

[jugheadalones is offline]

12:23 AM

wannabett + veroffica

wannabett: hey im back

veroffica: finally! it took you long enough!

veroffica: what did your mom want?

wannabett: huh?

wannabett: oh yeah she wanted me to... wash some dishes

veroffica: at 12:18 in the morning??

wannabett: yep its all part of my punishment for getting detention

veroffica: i thought your punishment was just being grounded for one day?

wannabett: well theres also a list of chores that i have to do for her that she can cash in at any point

veroffica: no offence betty, but is your mom satan?? that sounds awful!

wannabett: none taken, she indubitably is

wannabett: and im used to it by now

veroffica: still... i wish i could do something to help.

wannabett: let me move in with you

veroffica: what??

wannabett: thats what you can do to help! i could move into the pembrooke with you if your mom says its okay!

veroffica: i don't know, b... don't you think it's kind of a big step? and what about your mom?

wannabett: what about her? polly didnt ask mom when she moved in with you

wannabett: i understand if you dont want to, but just think about it for a second

wannabett: it would be like having a sleepover every night!

veroffica: i'm still not sure...

wannabett: plus ive been wanting to get closer to you and this could be just what i needed

veroffica: well, i'm on board! i just have to text my mom, she's on a business trip.

12:29 AM

veroffica + mayorlodge

veroffica: hey mom, can betty come live with us?

mayorlodge: does this have any particular reason, or did betty just finally realize that her mother is a bitch?

veroffica: mom!!

mayorlodge: what? i went to school with alice, and she wasn't half as bad then as she is now. i blame hal.

mayorlodge: in fact, she used to be a southside serpent!

veroffica: i know, mom. betty told me.

mayorlodge: leather jackets, flannel... she was gorgeous.

veroffica: if you weren't my mom, i would say 'go for it,' but since you are, i'm going to say 'gross' instead.

mayorlodge: don't give me that. you know as well as i do how easy it is to fall for the cooper women.

veroffica: what are you implying?

mayorlodge: mija, I want you to answer me honestly: do you or do you not have feelings for betty?

veroffica: i... i don't know.

mayorlodge: think about it. and in the meantime, betty can stay over.

veroffica: thanks, mom!

mayorlodge: on one condition, though--alice approves. i don't want to be getting calls from the police because she thinks i'm illegally harboring one of her children.

veroffica: but betty's mom would never agree to this!

mayorlodge: then convince her otherwise.

mayorlodge: goodnight, mija.

[mayorlodge is offline]

12:35 AM

veroffica + wannabett

veroffica: she's in!

wannabett: yes!!!

veroffica: there's one thing, though...

wannabett: oh no

veroffica: your mom has to give her consent.

wannabett: shit

wannabett: stupid minor laws!

wannabett: i guess ill go ask her

wannabett: but im going to do it over text i dont want to be near her when she flies into a rage

veroffica: good luck! please don't die, i'll miss you too much!

wannabett: ill try v

12:38 AM

wannabett + acoop

wannabett: hey mom

acoop: Betty? You do realize that we live in the same house, right?

acoop: Also, what do you want and why are you texting me at this hour?

wannabett: ummmm

wannabett: can i go stay with veronica?

acoop: The Lodge girl?? At the Pembrooke??

wannabett: yes

acoop: For how long?

wannabett: indefinitely

acoop: I'm going to talk to Hermione and then I'll get back to you on this.

wannabett: wow that sounded a lot less like a no than i expected

acoop: Don't push it, Elizabeth.

wannabett: what i meant to say was thank you mother for this incredible opportunity!!

acoop: I haven't agreed yet, Betty.

wannabett: i meant thank you for considering this. it means a lot to me.

acoop: ...Of course.

acoop: Now, you should get some sleep while I consider this further. I'll get back to you later.

12:41 AM

acoop + mayorlodge

acoop: Is this Hermione?

mayorlodge: yes... alice?

acoop: You still have the same phone number from back when we were in high school.

mayorlodge: alice, it's the middle of the night. why are you texting me?

acoop: I have reason to believe that our daughters are going down the same path we once did.

mayorlodge: so you see it too?

acoop: Yes. The two of them are as close as we were back in high school, and we both know where that led.

mayorlodge: i don't want veronica to get her heart broken like i did, but it isn't like we can stop them.

acoop: I'm not talking about this with you right now.

mayorlodge: then when?? ever since we broke up, you've been saying you 'don't want to talk about it,' but it's been DECADES, alice.

mayorlodge: and i thought that i was okay with having no resolution and no explanation, but then at the sodale project opening i saw you in that goddamn red dress, and it all came back to me.

acoop: I'll admit that I regret giving into my parents' wishes and breaking up with you, but it wasn't like there were any other options.

mayorlodge: there are always other options.

acoop: So you're saying that you would've agreed to run away from Riverdale with me, riding around from town to town on my motorcycle?

mayorlodge: ...i would've liked that.

acoop: ... Really?

acoop: It doesn't matter anymore, though. What matters is now. We may not be able to stop Betty and Veronica from falling in love, but we can make sure that we don't end up pushing them apart like our parents did.

mayorlodge: exactly.

acoop: Which is why I want to give Betty my blessing to move in with Veronica.

mayorlodge: you do??

acoop: Why does everyone seem so surprised by this?? I do have a heart!

mayorlodge: trust me, i know.

acoop: Actually, on that note, I was wondering...

mayorlodge: yes?

acoop: When you get back in town, would you like to get a milkshake at Pop's with me, for old time's sake?

mayorlodge: alice cooper, are you asking me on a date?

acoop: Yes I am, Hermione Lodge.

mayorlodge: well, all you had to do was say so.

mayorlodge: i get back on friday. i'll see you then and we can figure out if we still have that same explosive chemistry we used to.

acoop: It's a deal. And if the date just happens to make it back to my house... Well, we'll have it all to ourselves.

mayorlodge: i like the way you think. goodnight, alice.

acoop: Goodnight, Hermione.

[mayorlodge is offline]

1:02 AM

acoop + wannabett

acoop: You can stay with Veronica for as long as you want.

wannabett: really?? thank you so much!!

acoop: Just make sure that you've cleared out by Friday night.

wannabett: why, do you have a hot date?

acoop: The hottest.

wannabett: i was kidding mom!!

acoop: Well, I wasn't.

wannabett: ugh tmi

acoop: Have fun at Veronica's!

[acoop is offline]

1:04 AM

wannabett + veroffica

wannabett: my mom is cool with it!!

veroffica: are my eyes deceiving me, or did alice cooper actually allow her underage daughter to move out??

wannabett: its insane isnt it? she said that she has a date on friday so that might be why shes so mellow

veroffica: hmm, do you think that it's one of the hot dads of riverdale™ or some new contender??

veroffica: maybe... one of the hot moms of riverdale™ (lesser known but just as hot)?

wannabett: whoever it is they seem to make her happy so i approve

wannabett: also i really hope that they dont break up and return my mom to her former angry state

wannabett: so lets take advantage of this while we still can!

veroffica: i can have smithers drive us over to your house tomorrow after school and then we can pack up your stuff! sound good?

wannabett: sounds great. i can't wait, see you tomorrow v!

veroffica: ditto, b.

[veroffica is offline]

[wannabett is offline]

2:28 AM

beronica shippers

spillthefogarTEA: guys i was just talking to archie and he told me that he has some hot tea to spill about our favorite oblivious wlw!! can i temporarily add him to the chat?

hisshissmotherfucker: why were you talking to andrews hes an asshole

hbicheryl: archie isnt an asshole hes a dumbass

hbicheryl: youre just jealous sweet pea

hisshissmotherfucker: why would i be jealous of ginger troy bolton??

hbicheryl: uh because youre jealous of anyone else who spends time with fangs??

nopeaz: ooh yes expose him baby

spillthefogarTEA: as much as i appreciate sweet pea not wanting me to talk to archie and choni trying to find ulterior motives in everything he says, i still need an answer to my question! can i add him or not?

hbicheryl: im all for learning whatever "heterosexual" nonsense b&v have gotten into this time

nopeaz: ^^

spillthefogarTEA: sweets?

hisshissmotherfucker: hes a fucking NORTHSIDER

spillthefogarTEA: please? for me?

hisshissmotherfucker: ...fine.

spillthefogarTEA: great! im also going to add jughead and kevin while im at it because they are both also beronica shippers in their own right

spillthefogarTEA has added jugheadalones, goingtoheller, and arch to the chat

spillthefogarTEA: for those of you who dont know--jughead and kevin--archie has some fresh beronica gossip, you in for listening?

goingtoheller: hell yes, lay it on us.

jugheadalones: i supoose since im already awake and probably too invested in their relationship

jugheadalones: but the next time these two do something interesting, it better be at a time when im NOT TRYING TO SLEEP

hbicheryl: lmao doubtful but sure

spillthefogarTEA: archie, please begin your tale

arch: so i was sitting in my room lifting weights when i saw, with my super-good eyesight, betty texting veronica

arch: and through my undoubtedly-impossible-and-kinda-creepy observance, i noticed that betty is pulling a polly!!

goingtoheller: she's pregnant with one of the blossom twins' (by now, it's just cheryl though lmao) twin children??

arch: no...

jugheadalones: shes been sent to the sisters of quiet mercy?

arch: no

hbicheryl: shes given birth to my children and has given them horrendous names like juniper and dagwood??

arch: no!! this is too hard to guess, so ill just tell you. she wants to move in with veronica at the pembrooke!

nopeaz: what did she say?? "hey, i want to live with you, but like, platonically"??

arch: um essentially

arch: but then i observed something that is both MUCH more shocking and a significant development!!

arch: mrs cooper and mayor lodge used to be dating, mayor lodge is gay for mrs cooper in that red dress that she wore to the sodale opening, and theyre going to a date on friday!!

arch: the end! have fun gays, gotta go!

arch has left the chat

goingtoheller: well, that is... a lot to process.

hbicheryl: i relate to hermione lodge

hbicheryl: because i also want to be rawed by alice cooper in that dress

nopeaz: id feel threatened if i didnt also know that alice cooper is also essentially your great cousin in law

hbicheryl: oh darling dont you know that incest runs in the family?

hbicheryl: jason and polly, my mother and my father... and thats just the tip of the iceberg

nopeaz: im concerned again

hisshissmotherfucker: so to summarize the lodges and coopers are gay for each other and archie has freaky good eyesight that is not humanly possible but is necessary to the story because it helps add important info to the plot??

goingtoheller: when you say it like, it sounds like we're characters in a book.

hisshissmotherfucker: honestly i always thought of myself as more of a character in a fanfiction for a bad cw show

2:38 AM

jugheadalones + wannabett

jugheadalones: ive just been informed by archie that you are planning to move in with veronica

wannabett: what the hell?? how did archie know that??

jugheadalones: he said he saw your texts from his room

wannabett: damn his terrifying and freakishly good eyesight

jugheadalones: so... this wouldnt happen to have anything to do with lili and camis mythical dilemma, would it?

wannabett: nahhh of course not

jugheadalones: well, if you ever do need to talk, im here for you, okay? i may not be good at giving relationship advice, but ive been told that im a good shoulder to cry on.

wannabett: whenever i need help ill make sure to talk to you first, but im really okay now. thanks jug.

jugheadalones: ofc

[jugheadalones is offline]

[wannabett is offline]

Notes: Alice and Hermione have too much sexual tension to have not dated in high school, and the flashback episode pretty much only proves it. I mean, did you see Alice when she was younger?? That whole look screams lesbian! Anyways...

Comments validate me!! You can leave 'em here or at my ao3 account, lgbtqshipper, where pretty much all I do is complain about Riverdale and how I wish that it was gayer (so nothing different).

In the next chapter, Betty will finally be forced to answer for her sins oblivious homosexuality ft. Choni sexts (again, but I swear, this is the last time)!!

[pepperoniwhirlwind]

🌼~Honesty Hour~🌼 (pt. 2)

     I was asked by @lovelynhiddenkittens to do 150 questions in the honesty hour tag quite a while ago, and only did a third of it. But no longer will this be the case! Midterms are mostly over (the two biggest ones are done at least) so I can focus on more fun things, like answering these questions! Here’s my answers to questions 51-100:

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

     Yes. I have a lot of internalized shame about my body type (petite and curvy) that whenever I see someone super tall or toned I just want to be them. Even if it’s only for a day. I don’t have these wishes so much anymore though. Alex and I have been dating for 5 months (on the 21st of this month) and he loves my body type. Thanks to him, I’m learning to love myself, and learning that I don’t have to be a model to be loved~ 💕

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

     My depression. I feel like it makes me a burden on everyone, and although it’s shaped who I am, has it really changed me for the better? Maybe I’m more understanding and empathetic because of it, but it’s also caused me an inordinate amount of pain, and unnecessary pain for my loved ones.

53. Favorite make-up brand?

     I don’t wear make-up often enough for me to even have a clue.

54. Favorite store?

     What I’m buying changes which store I prefer. If it’s food, I generally hit up Fry’s. If it’s home decor (Which Alex and I needed quite a bit of in recency, given that we just moved into an apartment together a few months ago) I shop at Target. If I need to buy shampoo, face wipes, deodorant, shaving cream, etc. I typically go to Wal-Mart. Does anyone really have just 1 store that they shop at? I know if I bought non-food items at Fry’s I’d go bankrupt. 😂

55. Favorite blog?

     That’s a real tough one. I love all of my Tumblr friend’s blogs. @im-here-cause-im-not-all-there posts a lot of stuff I relate to, same for @theperksofneurodivergency, who always posts great content. Seriously, I could sit here for ages and list off all the people on Tumblr that I follow, but that would be ridiculous. Rest assured that if I follow you, it means I generally like what you post.

56. Favorite color?

     I love darker colors on the cooler end of the color spectrum; mainly green, blue & purple. I even like pastel colors occasionally. Though that’s more likely when I’m being influenced by some of my alters who like lighter colors. Like Honey, who loves pastel colors, and all things sweet really. That’s why sunflowers are her favorite flower. She appreciates all the sunny and cheerful things in life. ☀️ In our inner world, she even has a garden that she tends to regularly, and grows (you guessed it) sunflowers, among other things.

57. Favorite food?

     Oh look, another tough one. Hmm... It really depends what I’m in the mood for. But my boyfriend recently started taking me to Schlotzsky’s, which has a lot of really good sandwiches. Though, I’m always down for some Arby’s. I’m in a rut there, but I don’t care. Their roast beef classic and curly fries are to die for. 😋

58. Last thing you ate?

     Speaking of Arby’s... 😆 I ate there for dinner last night in celebration of passing my proctored exam for my math class. It was worth 75% of my grade, and I wasn’t allowed to have anything (they even confiscated my bottle of water). It took 2 hours and was suuuper stressful. So my BF rewarded me with Arby’s when I passed~ 😄 This is just one of the many reasons why I love him~ 💖

59. First thing you ate this morning?

     It’s the morning right now, and I haven’t eaten yet... 😅 Does the two sips of my boyfriend’s coffee count?... No?... Okay. *sighs* I should go eat now actually, so I can take my morning meds. Thanks for reminding me, Tumblr ask!

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

     I got first place in a race once... then immediately quit the track team. 😂 Running just wasn’t for me. I’ve won blue ribbons for art (culinary and painting mostly) before at the 4-H Fair, but I don’t think I’ve ever been in a proper competition that I won. I recently participated in a Drag Show at my college, and even signed my performance (I know ASL, and I hoped it would make me stand out a bit against the competition), but I didn’t win. It was actually a really close call between all the participants, and the host/judge couldn’t decide who the audience cheered louder for, so the lady who’d set up this event had to come up and make the decision. I was one of the first people she decided should leave the stage. So, needless to say, I felt a little embarrassed and defeated afterwards.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

     I never even had detention 😂 ; I was a goody two-shoes growing up. I was always the teacher’s pet, so no, I was never suspended or expelled.

62. Been arrested? For what?

     ⬆️ See the point I made above for your answer. ⬆️ I’d have to cease being a goody two-shoes first before being arrested is even a possibility, so no, my record is squeaky clean... we won’t speak of the songs I’ve illegally downloaded from YouTube though. >-> <-< Don’t tell the po-po about this, or else I’ll be forced to participate in court-ordered rehab for my music addiction. 😂

63. Ever been in love?

     Yes~ 💘 I’m in love right now, with the most supportive and understanding man I’ve ever known~ I shouldn’t have to say who at this point, but I will. It’s my BF, Alex~ ❤️

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss.

     Well, this was back when I lived in Indiana. I had a core group of friends, that all happened to be on the LGBT+ spectrum, so we were practically dripping in rainbow-y goodness. 🌈 Mich, essentially the leader of the group, is trans. While Levi is gay and Laci (she thought she was a lesbian originally, and identified as such for the time that I knew her; I don’t really have contact with any of them anymore) is bi. That just leaves Sasha, who is also bi, and she was my first kiss. Mich, Sasha, I, and others (Levi and Laci weren’t there though) all decided to play spin-the-bottle. Sasha was the first person I landed on, and I still remember her kiss. It was soft, like a cloud, and tasted like strawberries. 🍓 It was a wonderful first kiss, but I definitely prefer kissing Alex the most~ 😍

65. Are you hungry right now?

     Well, considering I just ate a mini donut with my pills... yes, yes I am. 😂 ...Don’t you judge me either! Alex and I bought a bunch of mini donuts for our last D&D gaming sesh at Tyler’s, and there was still a bunch left over, so someone has to eat them, and I didn’t feel like making a proper breakfast. Plus, the one I ate is strawberry flavored, so how could I not eat it? If anyone turns down a strawberry donut, suspect immediately that they are a lizard-person.

66. Do you like your Tumblr friends more than your real friends?

     What a savage question. No, I do not. I like all of my friends, equally, whether they’re online or offline. I only care if my friends are good people or not; and if they care and respect me as much as I do them. Whether they live nearby or not is of little importance to me. I base my friendships off of their character, their morals; not their place of residence.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

     Well, I don’t have a Twitter, and only really check my Facebook once in a blue moon. So... neither?... What, is that not an option? Fine... I choose Facebook... I guess.

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

     Tumblr.

69. Are you watching TV right now?

     No, I’m currently typing this... I am listening to music though, of course. 😆

70. Names of your best friends?

     Well, Tyler’s the only friend I have IRL that knows me, like, truly knows me. By that, I means she knows about my DID, among other diagnoses, as we’ve talked at length about both of our diagnoses before. Since she has Bipolar disorder, she gets what it’s like to have a “scary” mental illness; the ones that get characterized by media to always be violent and unhinged. She didn’t judge me or fear me, she only asked questions and tried to learn as much about my system as she could, which tells us that she truly cares and understands. I’ve told other people before, but they’re either no longer a part of my life, or were creeped out by my DID, and are choosing to forget that I ever told them in the first place. My Tumblr friends also know about my DID, given that I post about it and mention it in my blog bio, but there’s a certain level of anonymity on the internet that allows for me to be more open about it. Telling someone IRL? Now that’s terrifying. It takes a lot of trust, and given that I have had some bad reactions in the past, it makes it even more daunting.

71. Craving something? What?

     Honestly? A vacuum. And a mop, while I’m at it. I’ve been cleaning for most of the morning, and those are the only cleaning supplies that I need and don’t have. I keep trying to talk Alex into buying them, but he’s not as bothered by dirty floors as I am. He even walks around barefoot on these filthy floors! IDK how! Even if I’m wearing socks it bothers me. I don’t like stepping on anything, and the only way I don’t feel what’s on the ground is if I’m wearing shoes. So... I basically never take off my shoes except for when I’m in bed. 😂

72. What color are your towels?

     What a weird question. 😆 Before I moved in with Alex, I lived with my parents, and we didn’t have a standard color of towel. We had an assortment of colors from multiple old sets of towels, a lot of them raggedy, some of them bleached, most of them ancient. Then when I started living with Alex, we still have some towels of differing colors, but most of them are blue and soft~ ✨ The sheets and pillow cases are blue too, though a lighter shade.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

     Not anymore. I used to when I was younger though. When I was a kid my stuffed animals felt like my children. I would rotate which ones got to sleep with me each night, hug and kiss them all goodnight then tuck them in. If one of them fell out of my arms in the middle of the night, it would wake me up immediately. Not even a slow, groggy wake-up. It was like my motherly instinct was an alarm clock, so I would wake up instantly and be wide awake, frantically searching for the stuffed animal that fell out of my arms. I would then pick them up, dust them off and apologize, then snuggle them and drift off back to sleep. When I was a teenager, I mostly cuddled them when I was lonely and needed some companionship to fall asleep. Now that I snuggle and sleep with my boyfriend each night, I no longer sleep with my stuffed animals, but I still love them and keep them as decoration for my bed at my parent’s house, since I never really sleep there anymore. I nap there occasionally, but that’s about it.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

     Uhhh... I’ve never actually counted, but at least a tub full.

75. Favorite animal?

     Elephants and foxes, equally~ 💖

76. What color is your underwear?

     I’m wearing black panties at the moment. It’s satiny with lace, so it’s cute and comfy; the best of both worlds. 😉

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

     Definitely chocolate, 🍫 provided it’s not too rich.

78. Favorite ice cream flavor?

     I’m obsessed with matcha green tea ice cream right now, OMG, it’s sooo good~ 😋 Same goes for the matcha green tea frappuccino at Starbucks. It’s the only drink there that I actually get. I’ve tried other beverages they have, and generally don’t like them, but the matcha green tea frap is too delicious for it’s own good.

79. What color shirt are you wearing?

     I’m actually wearing a really comfy dress right now, that I slept in as a nightgown last night. 😆 It’s gray and has a lace band on each sleeve.

80. What color pants?

     ⬆️ Once again, reference my previous entry. ⬆️ I am pantless, given that I’m sporting a dress at the moment.

81. Favorite TV show?

     Oh geez... another hard one. Let’s see... I’ll just put the name of the show I’m watching the most right now. That would have to be “Crazy Ex Girlfriend” on Netflix. Before that I watched the newest seasons of “BoJack Horseman” as well as “Orange Is the New Black”, but I’ve already finished those.

82. Favorite movie?

     Honestly, I’ve been really obsessed with “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” recently. When I re-watched it as an adult, I noticed how much more serious that movie is compared to Disney’s other films. They cover some pretty dark subject matter, and do it well... *sighs* if only they’d nixed the addition of the gargoyles. They ruin every emotional or tense scene that they’re placed in, and make the lighter scenes just plain cringey. I know they wanted to make it suitable for kids, but I think Disney underestimates what kids can handle, especially considering they reference the darker scenes subtly enough so as to keep the movie’s G rating intact. Like what about the goat, Djali, that belongs to Esmeralda? The goat could have been the comic relief, but instead they brought in the talking gargoyles. They couldn’t even do something cool with the gargoyles, like make them a part of Quasi’s imagination. He’s been alone in a bell tower for his entire life, so it would make sense that he would begin talking to the statues and giving them personalities... but no... it’s shown at the end that the gargoyles can interact with and impact the real world, making them a part of it as well.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

     Well, considering I’ve only ever seen the first one, and didn’t even know there was a second one, I’m gonna have to go with “Mean Girls”.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

     I’ve never seen “21 Jump Street”, so once again, “Mean Girls” takes the cake.

85. Favorite character from Mean Girls?

     Oh, that’s hard, especially when they’re all such fun characters. Janis is pretty cool, so she’s up there, but Karen is probably my favorite. She’s such a simple, naive soul, you can’t help but love her.

86. Favorite character from Finding Nemo?

     Dory, hands down. But I wanna give a special shout-out to Bubbles, the character from the fish tank that, (you guessed it) is obsessed with bubbles. 😆 He cracks me up every time.

87. First person you talked to today?

     Alex. Considering we both wake up in the same bed, it would be nearly impossible for him not to be the one I talk to first thing in the morning.

88. Last person you talked to today?

     Once again, Alex, given that it’s still early in the day and I haven’t seen anybody else yet.

89. Name a person you hate?

     All of my abusers. Every. Single. One. They made me feel small, worthless, and unloved. So I hope each one of them feels that way for the rest of their miserable existences.

90. Name a person you love?

     My boyfriend, Alex~ He’s my world, my hopes and dreams, and everything I aspire to be~ 💖

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

     No. I want to punch all of my abusers in the balls. With a baseball bat. Repeatedly, until they’re infertile.

92. In a fight with someone?

     No.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

     Only one. I want to buy more, but that requires that I have money, which I don’t.

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

     I have my Nirvana sweatshirt, my “Nightmare Before Christmas” sweatshirt, and two hoodies with my college logo on them. One’s gray and the other is red.

95. Last movie you watched?

     “The Hunchback of Notre Dame”.

96. Favorite actress?

     I have no idea. So I’m gonna go find a list of the top 100 actresses and go from there. *some time passes* So, I found an actress I actually know, and that’s Krysten Ritter, who played Jessica Jones on Netflix’s hit series named (you guessed it again! Wow, you’re really good at this.) “Jessica Jones”.

97. Favorite actor?

     That’s a tie between Robin Williams (I really miss him... He was such a vibrant and energetic actor, who also knew how to portray more serious, and heart-felt scenes. He was a skilled actor and a good man. May he rest in peace.) and Tom Hanks. I like quite a few films starring those actors.

98. Do you tan a lot?

     Never.

99. Have any pets?

     No... 😭 RIP Batman and Robin (my previous pet hermit crabs).

100. How are you feeling?

     Productive! I practically cleaned the whole apartment in like 2 hours this morning, and just finished another third of this ask! I’m on a roll, and intend to do homework in a minute. For now though, I’d like to thank everyone who read through to the end, as well as thank @lovelynhiddenkittens for sending the ask in the first place! Sorry it’s taking so much time to finish it, but I’m over halfway done now! Whoo~! 🎉 *sets off a confetti popper and basks in the confetti shower* Anyways, take care everyone! I hope you all have a fantastic rest of your day (or night, wherever you are, just have a wonderful time!) See ya ‘round the bend~! 👋

*grabs a broom and begins sweeping up the confetti, muttering to myself* Why do I do this? Every time, I know I’m gonna have to clean it, but I do it anyway...

[crappierpasta]

Hollow

She was beautiful.

She and I would sit with my laptop for hours on end, looking for the scariest things we could find. It was an odd relationship, but it worked. Something just clicked when I was with her. She was the love of my life and my best friend. Nowadays, I would give anything to have her back.

She knew of the things I had seen. She dismissed it. Ah, Jordan, it's just your mind playing tricks on you. I wonder if she still thinks it was just my mind.

Really, she was always worried about me. I suppose that when you look at it from her perspective - the perspective of one who hadn't lived the way I had, who hadn't seen what I had seen - it would rationalize her train of thought. Sometimes, I wonder if she thought me insane. I know there were some times she did. The love in her eyes when we lay together, when we made love, and when we scared ourselves silly... I kjust knew that it was because of that love I would never lose her. She was mine 'til death did us part.

I really don't know how to describe the things I see. Beautiful, lumbering, graceful, damned, hateful, loving... I wouldn't be wrong in saying slender, and that's no allusion. Just as damned as the drunk that walks down the street from the bar each night, scratching his sickly face and adjusting the worn hat on his head, only to have it fall on its slant once more moments later. Just as loving as a mother to her kin.

They are us, essentially, with long, cracked-looking limbs and expressions that can be both grotesque and beautiful. They are young and old, just as we are, and they are all greatly varied. They are the walking souls that never lived, not unborn and not undead. I've been seeing them for three years now, in numbers just as great as humans. They are their own society, treating us as though we do not exist. They do not behave as we do, however. I told her and saw fear in my eyes - not of the beings of which I spoke, but for myself and my mental state of being. She loved me, but... alas, she couldn't see. Seeing was believing.

There was a day, about two months ago, when I walked with her. The same walk we'd walked a thousand times before. We lived on a circular road and often made the loop together while talking. I'd noted that, although the loop was our usual route, there'd only been one route we'd completely avoided in all those months we were lovers. It was the road the mayor lived on. Bowater. This particular day, I suggested to her we walk up through Bowater. I'd never gone far enough to reach the end of the street in question. She devoutly refused and explained that there was a night long ago when she was followed down that road by a large, black, burly figure of insurmountable height. Knowing what I've seen, she also dismissed anything of paranormality. I was unconvinced, but I left well enough alone and we continued on our usual treck.

I really should have seen it coming, but we were so vulnerable.

Julia called me one night... or, rather, morning. Around 3AM, to be precise. She told me she was scared. She was seeing and hearing things. She needed to talk. I stayed on the phone with her for two hours, trying to calm her down as much as possible. I did my best. It almost worked. She was dozing off and I was happy to hear it. I was tired, too. Then... a thump. It was almost a footstep, but not quite. I couldn't hear it well over the phone, but I could tell it wasn't a footstep. Okay so... Julia. Back to her.

After the thump, I heard her stop breathing. I panicked and called her name twice. She cut me off the third time with a scream. I heard a commotion. I heard her running. I heard a door slam and lock, then more running and moving curtains. I spoke her name a couple of times more.

"Julia?" I asked. "Julia?" "Jordan, don't go," came the reply. "Please don't go." "It's okay. What's wrong?" "She's out there. In the hallway." "Who's in the hallway, Julia?" "I don't know who's in the hallway, Jordan. It's just a she. It's white. It smiles with its eyes. She smiles. She." "Julia, calm down. Calm down. What is she?" "I don't want to talk about it, Jordan. I can't describe it. I just want to forget. Talk to me, Jordan. Talk to me, please. About anything. Just not that."

There was a reason I wanted to know. I wanted to know because I've never ever seen one in a house... until the night before that. What I'd seen was unlike everything else.

Everything else had remained very humanoid to an extent. This was... like a mafia murder gone wrong. Like someone had stuffed her body in a suitcase and left her alive to grow that way. Her face... Her face was smiling. It was a sickly black, toothless grin with wide, white bloodshot eyes. A black object that looked to be a horn with a ball end extended slightly from where her nose would have been.

What sickened me was that her face was hanging - literally - from this ball-ended horn. It was like a child's halloween mask. The gap between her face and head was held together loosely by blood-soaked skin, stretched to purple like tiny little slimy rope ligaments. Her face wriggled and spun loosely, hanging by the ball end and ligaments. It made small squelching noises as she moved. Her arms stretched under her legs and bent with four joints each, to become hind legs of some sort. It was like some kind of sick, disfigured child was trying to play leap frog. Her legs were relatively normal, though I couldn't see them well under the pure white dress she wore. The last defining feature of this thing were the three grotesque humps protruding from her back.

It was on my porch. I'd gone to use the washroom and decided to use the kitchen light on so I could find the bathroom light switch (our bathroom connects to the kitchen for some reason). I turned on the light. Everything was fine. I went to the bathroom, finished my business, and walked over to turn the kitchen light off. I was greeted by the sight of that thing as I neared the porch. It looked up, its head lulled sickly to the side, and it smiled at me. I was used to seeing things, but the sight of this creature sickened me so badly. I felt that instead of hitting the switch and making a run for it, I'd have to run to the toilet to puke. I followed through with the former, however, and kept my door locked for the rest of the night. I did eventually fall asleep, but it was light and restless.

I was sure Julia was seeing exactly what I had the night before. I couldn't pressure her about it, however, or I'd scare her even more. I spoke gently to her and calmed her down. Soon, she drifted off to sleep, allowing me to finally sleep myself.

The days went by. Julia still refused to go near Bowater. There was a new path she was trying to stay clear of, too: a trail we always used to cut through to the park. She was hiding something. I resolved to find out what. I spent most of the days with her. The sweet summer air was a welcome change from the rain we'd been experiencing. I tried to ask her about that night, but she refused to talk. She wouldn't say a word about it. We went to my place. She wasn't excited about our scary hour anymore, so we just cuddled. I swear to God there was never a moment that day that I doubted she was the love of my life.

We went our separate ways that night, parting with a long, lingering kiss. It was another reminder of our promise to one another. I told her to tell me if anything happened. I'd be over in a second if she needed me. She did. After all, I only live across the street. That night, she didn't say a lot online. I tried to elicit conversation, but was met with nondescriped ooh and ahs. Around 1:30AM, she went offline. At 2AM, I got a text. I sighed with relief that it was her. The content of the text, however, made me uneasy.

"Im going for a walk, sorry"

I looked out the window, toward her house, and saw not a single light on. Not even in her room. I noticed her front door was open and watched as she walked - or at least stumbled - out, cloaked in her long, pink jacket. It was far too large and hot to be wearing on a summer's night. I couldn't see her face very well. I tossed on some shoes and ran outside just in time to see her nearly disappear on the loop of that circular road. I walked fast, keeping my distance and keeping quiet. When she stopped, I felt fear.

She was standing in front of the trail. The one she'd avoided so heavily. She stood there for a good five minutes and almost moved to go with her before noticing she was no longer alone.

One of the things walked out of the trail. This one was different as well, but nowhere near as grotesque as the one I'd seen before. This one wore a wooden mask. It was what I would have called a plague doctor mask. The long "nose" of the mask descended to its chest and it was, otherwise, cloaked in black. A long, skinny arm reached out of the cloak and Julia reached toward it, holding something in her hand.

No.

No no no.

It wasn't a hand she held out.

It was a foot.

My heart stopped. I knew. I just knew. I'd never bothered to question the way she walked, as though drunken. I never bothered to look at her feet or her hands. I looked down and, sure enough, there were two hands with spindly, long fingers stretched over the road in the streetlight's midst. My heart stopped and broke at the same time, for I knew that the face I looked at was that of my beloved. My beloved. My Julia. I yelled. I yelled with so much force and anger that the plague doctor himself flinched. Julia turned and I got my first clear look at her face.

Scared.

Regretful.

Dead.

The plague doctor walked up behind her, grabbing the jacket from the front, as if hugging her, and tore it open. I was greeted by the girl-thing from the night before, her body cozily hugged by my Julia's ribcage.. for a spine, neck, and head were all that was left of my beloved. I cried. I cried out, to myself and to the things that killed her. I cried with rage and heartbreak - loudly and angrily - and began to run. I ran toward them, glaring at that detached face and waiting for its stupid fucking grin to fade. I glared, waiting for the satisfaction I'd get at seeing the fear in its bloodshot eyes before I bashed its fucking skull in.

It smiled widely.

I made it under the streetlight, merely ten feet away from the thing sickeningly cradled by Julia's body, when I was grabbed. I spun around to see nothing, but when I looked to my side there was a bony, blue hand holding onto my shoulder. I looked up and there was another of them. It was hanging from the streetlight, a noose tightened around its neck. Its face was blue and cold, like the rest of it, and it was smiling. Unlike the girl-thing, this being had no eyes. Rather, it had a crazy, wise glint in its empty sockets. Its feet were suspended feet above my head, but its arms were disgustingly long. Long enough to grab me.

I tried to run, to continue towards the killer, but those fragile-looking limbs held me in place. I looked up again and cursed that stupid fucking thing for keeping me from killing the killer. It merely smiled and smile that would have looked encouraging on a normal old man and, for the first time, I heard the voice of one of them. It spoke as it smiled, in an old man's soft voice. It spoke but one word before tossing me a good five feet back. I landed on my side and a sharp pain shot through my body, temporarily paralyzing me. I got up and they were gone. All that was left was the hollow body of my beloved, on the ground and staring up at me sadly.

I ran. By God, I ran. I ran home, snuck inside, and went straight to my room. I soberly reflected on everything I'd ever done with Julia. I reflected on all of it and smiled. That morning, I awoke with the firm belief that my beloved was alive and all of it was a bad dream. I phoned her, to let her know how much I loved her and how thankful I was that I'd met her in the first place. Her father picked up. He told me her body was found two hours ago by the park trail. I hung up and proceeded to break down. It's been a month since she died and I still think of what the hanged creature told me that night.

One word.

Samhain.

Written by Jordan.

[101scenes]

Wanna-One Ha Sungwoon - Communication

✽ suggested by crunkykiss :)

✽ featuring: ha sungwoon

✽ genre: fluff

✽ word count: 1,255 words

✽ summary: who knew that even a language barrier couldn’t affect mutual love?

recently you transferred to this boarding school in seoul as your parents found a good job there

having learned korean for only a short amount of time, you were not able to construct simple sentences or phrases

so this kindof created a language barrier between you and majority of the students, who only knew korean

however, to ease your transition into the school, the school principal has assigned you to a “buddy”, who knows korean and english

basically like a lil portable translator

so you basically stuck to her like a magnet

barely knowing the korean language, you decided to take external classes to learn korean yourself to prevent any miscommunications between you and other people

you had to travel about half an hour after school everyday to this tuition center where they had korean lessons

so your schedule was extremely packed and hectic

sometimes you just felt like moving to seoul was not worth it and you wanted to go back to (insert your origin country here)

one day when you were on the subway to get to the tuition center, and your classmate, ha sungwoon

as he did not exactly talk to you often, he was not aware that you have problems speaking korean

he sat down beside you and started speaking korean, which was totally gibberish

all you could make out was “hello, i am ha sungwoon”

and yeah thats about it

he then started stuttering and kindoff looked away many times

you had no idea what he was saying!!!

his face became really red

after he ended his sentence he just looked at the floor

he then covered his face and became mumbling to himself

{how do i tell him in korean, that i don’t know korean!! what is this situation}

you looked back at him, to see him looking at you, with this sort of fear on his face

“i don’t know korean”

he looked at you for a moment and kindoff just retracted

“you.. don’t understand?”

he said it in his korean accent and paused after each word which kindoff made it sound funny

you laughed and nodded

he kindoff got shocked and looked away in shame, once again blushing

“it’s ok sungwoon,”

and before you know it, you actually reached your stop

you wanted to wave goodbye to sungwoon, but he stood up with you?

you two exited the train together, without saying a word

unknowingly, you two began walking together, and approached the same building

“y-you, go here too?” he asked

you nod your head

he then smiles and acknowledges your answer

before separating to different classes, he waved goodbye to you

you waved back, only to see him depart, skipping away

{lol what a dork}

as the lessons progressed, you progressively began to understand korean better

you desperately tried to remember what sungwoon was trying to say on the subway that day

but you can’t get yourself to remember what he said, since it was such a blur

so you just tried to forget it

the next week, you took the same train to go to the same tuition center

for some reason, you caught yourself looking around the cabin trying to find sungwoon

unfortunately you couldn’t exactly find him

which kindoff make you feel a bit sad

when you reached the tuition center, you found out you were actually 20 minutes early

“great..”

so you just sat outside the building on one of the benches

occasionally, you just glanced around, hoping sungwoon would appear

for some reason, you just felt like seeing his beaming face that day

until it was time to start class, and you begin gathering your stuff you place on the bench

“y/n!!”

you spun around, only to see sungwoon running as fast as possible

his hair was all messed up

you couldn’t help but laugh a bit

when he reached, you noticed his forehead was all wet

you whipped out a tissue from your bag and gave it to him

he smiled, beginning to dab his forehead

“thank you!”

you looked a bit shocked

after waiting for him, you two walked in together

you saw him running towards the english block

{so he takes english? maybe to communicate with me, ahh what are you saying, you are nothing to him aha}

for a few more weeks, you two continued the cycle of waiting for one another before heading to the tuition center

he even began speaking small phrases in english

you spoke in korean as well, and he patiently corrected you

it seems as if those half an hour rides to the tuition center weren’t so dull anymore

after each session, even if his lesson ends earlier than yours he would wait since it usually ends around 8pm-9pm

he couldn’t bear to have you walk alone at night (AWW such bf material)

after one of your late sessions he was walking you home

its been about 6 months since you two began talking, and you felt that it was the right time to cONFESS

when you two reached your gate, you pulled out a hand-written note from your pocket and placed it in his hand

you thought it would be kindoff heartfelt if you wrote it in korean, so you did

he looked a bit shocked

before you could open the gate and enter the house, he taps you on the shoulder

you turned around, and he also puts a note in your hand

you both made eyecontact and he broke it by looking away

“this is for you, please read it”

you asked him to read it too (in korean) and he smiled

after waving goodbye, you immediately slammed the gate shut and ran up to your room (girl you cannot contain your excitement can you)

you flopped down on your bed without even removing your socks and immediately started reading the letter

oBVIOUSLY it was a lil love letter written in english, by the one and only sungwoon

he explained that he was trying to get your attention ever since you entered the school, and he never got the courage to talk to you

until the day on the subway

on the letter, he wrote a phrase that he stated he said on the subway

after reading it and translating it a little, you let the letter slip out of your hand

{sungwoon actually said that i looked pretty that day}

you hugged your stuffed toy and kindoff just layed there for half an hour staring at the ceiling

{what do i do now??}

after going through your bedtime routine, you laid down on your bed and settled into your bed

as you closed your eyes, you got a notification on your phone

“good night, y/n” - sungwoon

you kindoff just fluttered inside

“good night, sungwoon” -y/n

after that night, you two were super close to each other

you two interchangeably spoke korean and english to each other

after your language classes he also enjoyed bringing you to cafés where you two can have late dinner together

you also kindoff like making fun of his height since you were still growing and he stopped at 168cm

“y/n, stop sucking the growth out of me, i need it more than you”

you would just laugh and pinch his cheek, which he kindoff hates since he hates being cute and wants to be manly

even though he just acts cute all the time (boi choose one)

but he bears with it because he knows you love it

yall are cute bye

✽ this may be a bit short im sorry!! hope you enjoyed :)

✽ suggestions box is open!

✽ i might be offline more frequently, finals are coming up ://

[ruginite]

100 + Follower Appreciation & Giveaway

HOLY ODIN’S CROWS....where the fuckity fuck did all of you fucking come from?! This blog’s not even a year old and not canon and what. Feeling all kinds of loved right now. Like holyshitballs.-cough- sorry uh....let me just.....

To ALL my followers: Thank you so much! Like I feel like that’s not really an adequate statement but words can’t possibly capture how much I appriciate each and every damn one of you. You are all beautiful and I can not stress enough how much it means to me that you followed this blog. And the fact you stayed after you clearly realized how trash the mun is lol. -HUGS TOO ALL OF YOU-

GIVEAWAY:

Giveaway Begins : Now  03/03/17 Giveaway Ends : 6:00ρм EST - 03/10/17

1. One like/re-blog per blog.    

I get really turned around and easily confused so please make this easier on me and only either re-blog the post or like the post.But only do either one once.

2. Must be following Baz and be an RP blog in order to participate.  

Please don’t just follow to participate in the giveaway. I mean I can’t control you following and then un-following but its super rude and just karma’s a bitch.

3. I need a week or so to get the prizes out after the giveaway ends.

Bare with me. I keep my promises it just takes me time.

4. Winners will be chosen using the random number generator. Keeps everything nice and fair :)

PRIZES:

1st Place Winner: 1 promo banner, 1 set of Online/Offline/Lurking/Drafts banners, 1 avatar icon.

2nd Place Winner: 1 promo banner, 1 avatar icon.

3rd Place Winner: 1 promo banner

PERSONAL MESSAGES AND MY FOLLOW FOREVER LIST UNDER THE CUT

People I’ve Licked And Therefore Are Mine:

@hitslikeatruck aka @vesallkyn​ aka @tasedagod​ aka @doctahquinn​ aka @thebloodisthicker​ aka @macians​ aka the reason this blog even fucking exists to be fucking honest. 

Did i miss one? I don’t think i did... You are literally one of my best friends. We talk almost every day and when we don’t there’s a severe lack of THINGS, a hole in my life. Shut up it makes sense to me, don’t judge. You are the whole reason this blog even like became a thing. You push me to step outside my comfort zone and encourage me when I wanna run and hide because I don’t think I’m good enough. You also talk me down from doing really bad things like going off on people I shouldn’t. So yea thanks for that. I love all your muses and just never go away ever period. I will die. Also rat bbys and i want them all. I wish we didn’t live so far apart. Because I dont really hang out physically with people but i would totally hang out with you. 

@the-blackest-spider​

Man like how long have we been friends? Gotta be well over a year now. Anyway. You are mine. I licked you. I know we dont RP as much here anymore as we used too. But we still talk often and you defs a friend I wanna keep 10ever. I love your humor. I love your hair :D You’ve got such a comprehensive understanding of your muse it’s fucking mind blowing and you are always one of the first blogs i recommend to people when they ask for marvel canons to follow. And by one of the first i mean that like you and hits are battling for first mention there. Like maybe battling isn’t the right word just if i could say both urls at the same time i totally would but I am not that talented lol.

@brooklynislandgirl​ aka @tarnishedhalo​

hahhaahahahahahaha i could write a fucking novel. But I’ll do my best to keep it short. Another beautiful person i talk to every day, even if it’s just a couple sentence checking in with each other. And then other days it’s walls and walls and WALLS of skype texts and pictures and plot bunnies and OKAY BUT LISTENS. You put up with so much jumping around on my part and I can’t thank you enough for it. You are an amazing writer, and a fantastic person. Your muses speak for themselves and that speaks volumes. Our RP’s always challenge me to advance my writing and try new things. Beyond the fact I’m constantly learning from you, and that’s just the coolest thing okay? I love to learn.

@morgansmornings​

The mun with the muse that just seems to almost be Baz’s female counterpart. In just the right amount of ways to irk him to know in, and him her. LOL. I love their banter and I love how they both give a shit about the other one but like they’re both to cool to say it. To each other’s faces anyway. You are a gem of a human I want you to know that. We don’t talk as much as I wish we did, but i think that’s kinda cool too. Because we seem to be on the same page even when we don’t constantly speak. And to me that’s a rare of fucking thing, and personally I cherish it and you.

@hittcr​

Oh boy where to start here. Ok I found your blog by like accident?! And for the longest time it sat on my bookmark bar because i didn’t wanna be THAT PERSON by following. Read through your blog, read your threads and your hc’s and drabbles and just thought man this person really fucking understands Eliot. They’re fantastic. But being the chicken turtle that i am that was as far as it went. Then one day I get an ask from an anon making the assumption my blog was an Eliot Spencer RP and I just couldn’t not recommend you to them. Granted it was only later that it dawned on me I’d @’d you which means it showed up in your activity and then proceeded to panic for two days because ohgodwhatdididothatforthey’regonnathinkimacreepstalker.  But then you followed me and I followed you back and then spent a week spazzing about ‘do i ask to plot for a twin thing because funny? or do i just sit here??’ and oddly enough that ask I sent? yea i didn’t actually mean to send it. I’d spent three hours with your ask box open with that typed up and went to close it because again chicken turtle and inadvertently hit the hot key to send not close. And the rest is history lol. So basically ALL OF THAT RAMBLING TO SAY : You’re gold sweets. You’re talented. You’ve got your muse down to an art. And I feel so blessed to be apart of your rp life here on tumblr, as well as getting to be a sounding board about some of your thoughts regarding hc’s and what not for your muse.

@canadianclaws​

okay by listen like there are people you hit it off with instantly in life and you are definitely one of them. I love watching you art. I love listening to you talk while you art. I love talking to you period. I love your muse. I love you too tbh. Your puppies are adorable. And I love that we have our own little club of never leave the house. And if you dont think im gonna find a way to make us tshirts you got another thing coming :P lol. Never go away please. I’ll die.

@offorgottenbooks​ aka @travelerlainewalker​

Holy crap HOW many blogs have you followed me across at this point? It’s probably a rediculously high number and I love you for it. lol. You’re always so happy and willing to RP with the next muse that hits me and I just can not say enough how much that means to me. I love you. I’m keeping you. If that wasn’t clear by now...like what....2...3 years later??? LOL

@thor-theavengergod​

I was so nervous to RP with you I can’t lie. But I’m glad @offorgottenbooks​ recommended you too me because that helped me come out of my shell a little faster. And I’m really glad I did. We talk every day and like that’s something a homebody like me really REALLY treasures okay? Like the fact you care enough to check in with me and then not get mad when i dont respond until hours later because Im either asleep or tumblr’s a bitch and doesn’t tell me you spoke or I just get hella distracted. Your muse is fabs and so are you. And im keeping you. yes good.

People I Would Lick But It Might Be Awkward aka People I Admire (some of who, I even get to RP with, others I just stalk 10 ever):

@prettygenius / @noteliot / @cochetsharpshooter / @exubiytsa / @multi-mused / @amazingspiderling / @xyourxgodx /  @aclevelblue / @bxldmountain / @fashicniista / @bcnquet / @skyrat / @motherofasgard / @mckaytriarchy / @mutantmasterofmagnetism / @teethxbared / @agentharrisonofshield / @thexanderzone / @mayiisms / @agcntwells / @pyromaniism / @gangsterconsultant / @asgardianhammer / @melinda-q-may / @xcuratiox / @erroretscientia / @kingxfmischief

[sarahkhalilsa]

In among my play sessions over this first weekend with the Beyond update, I really did not also leave the system I began in, because each earth as well as moon had a ton of unique aspects to absorb, though the increased quantity of points to do in the video game itself absolutely had something to do with this too. Yet in Virtual Reality, I unexpectedly found myself removing much more slowly, to ensure that I may look around the fully-rendered cockpit, and look down at the world as it gradually shrank in size the higher I went. But few video games have actually gotten to the heights of buzz that No Guy's Sky, particularly considering the small dimension of the team at Hello there Gamings. The Nexus likewise enables gamers to visit each other's bases, with a space for Hello there Games to share particular bases of note internationally, which will be an interesting room to watch, especially as the game has actually introduced electrical energy and also reasoning to its structure parts, which as any kind of LittleBigPlanet or Minecraft fan recognizes, can result in some insane automatic developments. This subtext has actually always become part of the game as the in-game language system is discovered by the build-up of shed words and also the old damages share stories of ancient marvels as well as expertise lost from long earlier. Ever before considering that the Atlas upgrade, the entire story has been rewritten from the ground up with the originals subtext as an allegory for the Tower of Babel, which currently includes the whole narrative. No mans sky ps5

If you wish to venture into that bunny hole you can start by following this owl that can explain it in far better detail than I, however if you desire a condensed variation: Sixteen deals with the Tower of Babel allegory from the sixteenth tarot card, the Tower. What I in fact obtained is blowing me away, something much beyond video game, although not without problem. Some critics even presume regarding claim that youre not actually uncovering things but locating points people have actually already uncovered, which has lots of misconceptions. Others might state it's just how much time was committed to finding and also repairing all the game-breaking bugs. It's fine that some people aren't wired for a video game similar to this. It's really that huge of a distinction. One of the most obvious factor is exactly how repeated the game is to play, so covering it currently versus forty hrs later wouldnt make a distinction besides me losing my gloss-- if a game can maintain me excited twenty hours, then that is a consequence Im going to run the risk of if it occurs. First, individual exploration is still exploration; it would be laborious to have you map and also call everything, so the video game takes some of the concern off from you. It is an exploration game for the benefit of exploration alone. Whatever that Hey there Gamings ever before declared to be in the video game seems in below. Survival video games, or a lite survival experience for No Mans Sky, typically obtain a bad rap from other games when they strain gamers with their mechanical systems.

What individuals do not obtain is that this is not a survival video game, or a space sim. Now simply making a video game with the scale of the world is not an engaging reason by itself as Daggerfall incorporated all areas of Tamerial, yet it likewise came to be a slog to people that werent attracted by its range. On another planet, I kept in mind exactly how the elements showed up in details areas where the Ferrite and Carbon was found from trees and rocks on the snow whereas Oxygen and Cobalt were located only below in the labyrinthine caves where eggs were kept beside the poisonous fungus to ward off trespassers. Components like carbon are typically found on fauna/flora whereas dihydrogen is found in a crystalline form on earths, never simply one atom hydrogen as hydrogen has a tendency to bond with itself. Nevertheless, all these systems are mechanical expansions to get you to travel from one corner of the galaxy to the following. Are you perplexed yet? Genuine male. These crazy NMS fanboys are several of the most awful I have actually ever encountered. The initial of many inquiries concerning No Male Sky is to ask one of the most obvious, "What do you do? Unfortunately, nearly everybody was let down by it, as the game was so full of game-breaking bugs that I directly couldn't also make it past the initial 3 missions without needing to remove my conserved game and start around again.

Instead of being randomly stumbled upon during gameplay, the Anomaly can currently be summoned at-will precede, as well as, unless the player's game is set to offline (yes, you soloists can still play whatever offline), docking opens the video game to as much as 15 other gamers, who will certainly reoccur as they please from and also to their very own games. There is no base building since it does not fit the theme at all, it is regarding being on your means, coming and going, that following hill, that brand-new planet, as well as leaving all of it behind permanently. There are hundreds of technicians one could discuss such as the upgradable systems, the essential combinations of craftable products, or the various means of travel from Exocrafts on earths, Freighters for Interstellar fleets, or the Warp as well as Hyperspace drives from your spacecraft. These plants can be harvested, which can be combined with various other products and also pet items to find one of over 300 recipes, differing in name from the mundane refined flour, to the in-joke Grahberry or the amusing yet ominous-sounding Haunted Pie. For some it could be a brand-new home, a gorgeous, separated, lonely residence where you can only go onward. As you may anticipate, these individuals didnt get on as well as the crewmembers despise his lack of knowledge; the expectations set by author not only from his creating experiences, but likewise classic works made him originally feel "that anticlimax was being stacked on anticlimax. " Nevertheless, Gibson becomes renewed whenever he experiences something new such as Zero-G environments; the initial appearance at Earth, space and also the stars; and also touchdown on Mars for the very first time.

[desireebarefootblog]

Evil Little Brain Goblins

SL is a curious place at times.  Time passes... inconsistently.  In some respects, everything is accelerated.  In other respects, it stands completely still and nothing changes.  There’s this strange sensation because the normal cues of the passage of time like a day/night cycle don’t flow.  Every sim has it’s own rhythm.  Bare Sun Beach is always a bright sunny mid day, Cyberpunk City is always late at night and raining, Paris in 1900 is perpetually at the Golden Hour.  Because people are logged in from around the planet, everyone is on their own time.  When it’s lunchtime in your house, someone you’re talking too is up in the middle of the night with insomnia, or having breakfast for a brief moment before starting their day, or catching up on events before bed.  And all the while, the SL clock is running up on the header bar showing the current Real Time in San Francisco.

How does this relate to Evil Brain Goblins you ask?  Well, it’s just not the wonky observed passage of time, it’s that all living biorhythms are off.  SL avvies don’t get hungry, don’t get sleepy, the USER does, but when my user gets hungry they go AFK and eat, when they get sleepy, they log off and sleep.  Me, I just poof back into digital stasis when they log off, and pop back in when they log on, wearing the same outfit (or not wearing the same outfit), in the same state of arousal, with the same messy layers on my body (If I added messy layers when I was on previously).  Pro Tip:  try to at the very least remember to reset your sexy bits to a neutral state.  Ya never know what happens to the environment when you’re offline, and poofing naked and aroused into the nightclub during a planned formal, it gets awkward, no matter how funny it is.

Or if, at least, you have Brain Goblins like I do.  My user has their Brain Goblins pretty much under control, they talk to a therapist on the regular, they take some meds to help even them out, I even help out (YAY Desi!) because I can teach my user about themself.  But a lot of this dissociation in SL can throw a big wrench in coping mechanisms for social anxiety.  Silly mistakes (like porting into the wrong sim naked, or not figuring out how to use the poseball, or chatting into the wrong channel) everybody does them, but it does open an opportunity for the EBGs to poke your anxieties.  The feels are real, and at its worst, those feels are like the anxiety dreams where you realize you forgot to wear pants to work or school and spend the dream trying to hide before anyone realizes your Northern and Southern Exposure are exposed (bonus points if your most mortifying close relative makes an appearance). The Brain Goblins start telling you that *everyone* is laughing at you in private IMs, that you are the *only person in all of Second Life* acting like a total noob.  Brain Goblins are excellent Liars.  remember that.

Relationships suffer a bunch because of all these phenomena.  It’s a fight to keep the anxieties in check.  Lizzie and I for example, live two time zones apart.  Her Midnight is my 10 PM.  We have Real Lives.  Sometimes that Real Life interferes with our ability to visit one another in Second Life.  My rational, logical brain knows this.  The Reality of our lives reinforces this.  When Lizzie and Desi are apart, it’s because life isnt permitting us to be together.  Just like if we were at work for 8 or 10 hours out of the day, or attending class, or any other mundane reason why we wouldn’t be together in REAL LIFE.  But SL throws a funhouse mirror on it, distorts what otherwise are reasons we wouldn’t spend another hot second thinking about.  And the Brain Goblins rush in and tweak all the insecurities floating in our brain.  We feel guilty for being away, hurt for not being together whenever we want, we turn our perceptions inward and if we suffer from anxiety, we imagine *the worst* possibilities.  If we’re not careful, if we don’t remember to love ourselves and exercise self care, that anxiety will project itself outward and our partner might end up being on the receiving end of our own insecurities.  That is never fair nor fun for either of you.

My point is, trust yourself, SL is a powerful simulator.  It can become as real as it needs to be.  But it is only a simulation of a world.  You can find a life and love here.  We’re people sitting behind thes piles of pixels and code, and that fact can come through Loud and Clear.  Romance and Dating can be just as whirlwind ant thrilling here as it is on the other side of the screen.  Although our avatars are often idealized versionos of who we want to present ourselves, they’re not perfect.  We’re not perfect, and its unfair to ourselves and the people we relate to to hold ourselves to that standard.  Love yourself first.  It’s a good rule for both Real Life and Second Life.  Love yourself and you WILL discover what another loves in you.  That makes it so much easier to accept.

Be safe my droogies!

Be well!

We have each other

So spread love.

[typologycentral]

[ISTJ] I need advices. Deal breaker circumstance.

Hello everyone, i'm not a native english speaker, but i hope you all understand what im going to say. I have some questions (that are driving me insane of course), i will try to give you all the background about it. ENFP female in here, and him ISTJ. Internet frienship: Background: 1. In the first year of conversation (we spoke or wrote, every single day for over 1 hour, usually was up to 3 and more on weekends). During that whole year he constanly told me we werent friends, but he assisted me in several things, we shared precious moments even with the distance between us, i.e watching movies together at the same time, or shared screen and talk about our families, etc, i even make him stay awake just to see the sunrise when he didnt want it, and even being so far away i always felt him.. next to me. I always consider him a friend even when he deny that each time. I started to feel something for him but didnt tell him about those feelings, just decided to cut the relationship (we are from different countries), i told him, since he didnt consider me a friend was no point in keep on going, he accepted my quit from the relationship. 2. Well, after 8 months of silence, with 0 contact to him, he suddenly was back in my life. He sent a message saying "can you forgive me?"... i replyed, "theres nothing you should be forgiven for". So we start again, like those 8 months never existed. Again, lots of hours, lots of debates. Problem was, i got the confirmation that my feelings were still there. After 6 months of his return, those feelings were making me insane, so, i just wrote him a message while he was offline, in that message i told him, that again i needed some "space" or "cut", because i had feelings for him, i never especified wich ones, he replyed something like "ok, i thought we passed this phase, but i guess we didnt, life is life, and i dont have another option than just wait for you". I was back after a month of "space", he still at that very moment didnt recognize that we were friends. Really. So here was him, with no feelings for me, and me totally in love. After a while we got into a fight, because i felt him distant, he said everything was fine, i pushed him until he finally said he was distant because he wasnt feeling "the connection anymore", since i was bitter, i told him... "i hope she makes you happy"... (he never mentioned another woman, i just knew), and then he said.. "dont worry, im getting bored of her already, i will say she wont pass 2 months". So, he blocked me, and everything was done. 3. Two years and a half later (the now moment), i couldnt yet, take him out of my mind, and out of nowhere i recieved a message in my cell phone (notice, he told me he changed his phone, he didnt have my number no more, this was during the first year of our friendship) the message said something as "hello, a lot of things changed in these two and a half years, and we really need to talk again". We chatted for an hour and i needed to go. The next day, he sent me a message, in which, he explains to me his "PLAN", he told me he was in a moment of his life ready to move on and make a family, but was something holding him on a physical level. He also told me, he met some women in these 2 and a half years, but with none of the them had not even 10% of the connection or whatever he had with me. His Plan: He told me, i was his best female friend ever and that he loved me in that sense. And that all that he was about to tell me after, for me would sound really really bad, but fits perfectly in his logic. He said, i woke up a couple of days ago with the idea of meeting you, let that idea developed in my mind and then another idea came to my mind, and saw that two pieces match perfect. I want you to come (to his country), no matter what, because that is the main goal, second goal is that you help me to become a man (sexually speaking), he said, you know i want to do this right, with someone i deeply care about, you always thought i was saving it for someone special but its more like i didnt knew how to give it away, i want to experience love with a person that is open minded and can even laugh in a situation like that, that had the experience in that particular field, and also a person that have all my trust, and you are all of that, we know each other really well, we had that deep bond, so you are the perfect match. I know if we do this, i probably fall in love with you, (he wants me to stay with him for 2 weeks or something) but eventually i will have to fight that feeling and break free, but that new perspective of experiencing love will make my life richier, i know this all sound crazy and selfish, but its only because is planned. Please don't you dare to think i'm somehow paying you, to get what i want, dont you even dare!, because you know i respect you, keep your mind open please. Even if you said "no" to this idea, the idea of the travel to meet me still goes, cause its relevant, i will wait for your answer, take your time, im not in a hurry. Question: was he lying the whole time before when he didnt call me friend? or? (i asked him this, and he said, he doesnt "remember", he say "i said we werent?") Question: "im not saving it for someone special and i want you to be the one cause i deeply care about you"... isnt it someone that one deeply care about ergo someone special? Question: should i take him seriously? by the book? when he say "i probably fall in love with you, but eventually i will have to fight that feeling and break free" Question: Would you dare to ask something like that to a person you consider a friend? My reply: (basically i told him NO, and also told him i love him) (so you can skip this part if you want) Of course, me being an enfp, or futhermore being a human being, a person, i felt totally insulted. TOTALLY. So, i didnt control my first reaction, and sent him a voice message, telling him all my feelings. I told him, that it sounded selfish, cause primarly it was. I told him, he was using our friendship and the feelings to get what he wanted, that i was surprised that now suddenly i was his best female friend that he deeply care about, that "this plan" was totally wrong, lacking of ethics, morals, etc, that he should never do again that to a person, he cant just get what he wants no matter what, that he wanted to used me and discarted me as garbage, and even more allow himself to say i shouldnt "dare to think" that he has bad intentions, that he really disappointed me, that i never expected such a horrible thing from him, that he indeed changed but for the bad, that i was surprised that he is smart enough for some things and so dumb for others, that he couldnt even replaced me in 2 years for another woman, that i could actually make the "favour" for him, of making him a man, but that i could never teach him how to love because he needs a heart for that, not a brain, that he will never experience anything for real if he doesnt allow himself to do something spontaneous for once in his life, that he doesnt have the "b... " to live without a plan, and that is half living, etc etc etc, and finished my voice message saying (while crying).. you know what? i cant do the trip and i cant help you with the other thing, for a simple reason.. i love you, i have always loved you, and you know this, i dont even have to said it, i wish things would be different, so i can actually have fun with this idea of yours, but my feelings are in the middle and are strong, and i cant allow myself to do this, because i know i will come back home eartbroken, im sorry, i wish you all the blessings that the universe can bring to your life multiplied by infinite. Now, if you really care about me, as you said you do, not even much, just a little bit, please dont come back to my life never again, because each time you do it, its more difficult for me, please! erase me from your mind, take care, bye. His answer: He said, that was somehow prepared for most of the message, except from the part in wich i was crying and telling him i love him, he said, i was "unprepared for that", he said "no words are right for a moment like this, you know im not a emotional person unfortunatly, but if i was i would probably be crying for the rest of the day, i cant say im happy because in my mind i lose a friend, cant say im sad either because i felt something in my heart for the first time and its beautiful, i cant live my life without a plan, im just too insecure for that, it doesnt matter if it is a good plan or bad, for me will always feel like a right plan, i wish you all the best, and also i wish you, that you follow your own advice and deleted me from your mind, maybe just a glance, if you see the sun in your face or a weird look that a cat is given you.. think "how is he going, i hope he is well and happy" and i will do the same for you, i promise". Oh! also he said, the "old him" in a situation like this will argue and debate why im "wrong".. but his "new him" understood everything i said. Question: deleting someone of your mind, is deleting them. Then, why he said maybe a glance.. is he trying to manipulate me into remember him? (i know this question is for interpretation, but i want to know all possible perspectives) So, after like 2 days, i wasn't block.. which i thought was weird, because i mean i asked him to deleted me from his mind, so i thought he would blocked my phone number or something.. but no. And since im stupid, i wrote him, told him i just needed to understand this to close the circle, just needed to understand why he was doing this to me, why, asked him if he actually planned this since the very beginning, asked him, lots of thing, i was full of "why". He said he was always honest, he didnt plan this from the very beggining and was exactly as he told me prior, that just one idea came after the other, that i shouldnt worry, that the "man" deal he will figure out, but he really thought was a good idea and blah blah blah. Question: why he didnt block me? Do you people expect the other part to make the cut in a situation like this?-- Because he told me "i will do as you ask me to, and erase you". then ... Why he didnt? Important details in my opinion His family expects him to marry a particular type of woman and i dont fill any of the requiriments that they ask for, except from being human and woman, he never told his parents about me or our relationship, because according to him, they are very conservative and they will push him to drop me, so they dont know of my existence. Also, when we talked about his "second part of the plan" i make him notice that he doesnt have any physical attraction towards me, and he said, well i give that importance but neither i felt that "attraction" to other woman. He claims, he doesnt like man in that way neither (he strongly denied that in several times), and when i brought the subject of "asexuality" he completely ignored it, and even change the subject. The NOW Im still in touch with him, even changed my mind about the travel part, so we argued about the travel part for weeks, and since he is a control freak, and we were getting nowhere in negotiation, i told him, we should take some space and later i will put in contact with him, he accepted. In those 2 weeks almost without talking to him, i cried and thought a lot, also i went to do my passport (just to confirm to my mind, that the decision was taken). Since he never called me "friend" until now days, and he strongly denied that word with a lot of arguments for many years, to now suddenly admit it, then, that tells me that maybe his mind is more confussing than mine. Question: can that be the case? that he is confused regarding a couple of things? that he doesnt have in his mind everything solved? So, i contacted him, i told him i got the passport. We were planning things, and once again, he bringed the "second part of the plan" into the table, i was upset, he told me it wasnt a condition, but he was still thinking about it, cause he wanted to gain some "experience" out of all of this, and he is pretty confident that is going to happen.I told him i can't guarantee NOTHING on that matter, and that apparently for him, that was the most important thing, he said "is not the most important but i still didn't get to a conclusion about it" I really always trusted him, cause he was always honest, but i cant help to think, in this particular situation that he really doesnt care about me, not as a person, not as friend, even when he says he does, and the thing that he put that subject again in the table is telling me, that actually that is his main goal, so i would be just a tool in this machiavellian plan. Question: can he be a total liar, faking everything, and really in his mind im a tool? How far would you guys go for achieve a plan? what are the signs that you guys show when you are lying? how can i pick a lie in an istj? Is really hard for me to read him, or maybe im readed him totally well, but i just cant believe this whole thing. Any advice, suggestion, view, perspective, analysis, or even answer to the questions i made, will be very much appreciated. Im sorry for this long message and for all the grammar, and typo mistakes, and once again, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=92617&goto=newpost&utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[stjohnintelligencer]

St John Tea Transcripts - July 25, “1917″

[19:00] Gabrielle Riel: It's 7pm SLT, so I am starting!

[19:01] Gabrielle Riel: Good evening everyone! Thank you so much for taking the time to be here.

[19:01] Gabrielle Riel: I have two topics that I need to cover tonight:

[19:01] Gabrielle Riel: First, a change to the estate and second, this year’s hurricane.

[19:01] Gabrielle Riel: As always, please hold your questions until after I am done with my explanation. It is very likely that I will address your question(s) at some point during my explanation, because it’s long and thorough. I will ask for questions, so just jot yours down as they come to you!

[19:02] Gabrielle Riel: Ready? Here we go!

[19:02] Kylie: Hi Emma

[19:02] Pru: have a seat, Emma. giggles

[19:02] Kitty: ok! im ready!

[19:02] Kylie: *listening*

[19:02] Gabrielle Riel: First topic - change to the estate.

[19:02] Kylie: *hic*

[19:02] Gabrielle Riel: In the next few weeks I will be removing the St John Beach sim from the estate. There are simply not enough tenants to cover its cost.

[19:02] Kylie: (( Hi Scout! ))

[19:03] Scout MacLeod: (hi kylie!!)

[19:03] Kylie: Oh noooo

[19:03] Gabrielle Riel: I am in the process of relocating the few residents in that sim to other parcels in St John. And I will be moving the St John Island sim down into Beach’s current position.

[19:03] Kitty: oh no! no more flying

[19:03] Gabrielle Riel: I mentioned at at Tea a few months ago that we could lose some sims this year, so this should not be a shock.

[19:03] Kylie: I was going to rent a summer place

[19:03] Gabrielle Riel: I have also mentioned before that homestead sims are horrible from a financial standpoint. They add space but generate no revenue at all. They basically break even only when full.

[19:04] Gabrielle Riel: So, if a homestead is not full, it’s a financial drain on the estate overall.

[19:04] Kylie: Hi Kylee!

[19:04] Kylee Gracemount: Hi !

[19:04] Kylie: pulls up my map

[19:04] Gabrielle Riel: St John is currently in the black. Even with St John Beach in the red, St John is still in the black. However, it’s my goal to keep the financial health of the estate strong. And getting rid of a single homestead sim that is in the red is the right decision to keep the estate strong from a financial standpoint.

[19:04] Mari Moonbeam: makes a note to steal a set of St John Beach Hotel china

[19:04] Gabrielle Riel: Don’t stress about it. I am not stressing about it. Second Life communities go through cycles. Last year we were in an “up” cycle. So much so that I sent out a survey to determine land needs.

[19:05] Kylie: hehe  Hi Mari!

[19:05] Kitty: hahah Mare

[19:05] Gabrielle Riel: I added land based on the results of that survey. Then about half of the people who begged me for larger parcels, flaked out within a month or two of me giving them the larger parcels and dumped the land and left the estate.

[19:05] Kylie: Yeah, I totally understand that

[19:05] Gabrielle Riel: This, by the way, is completely normal! Most people in SL are incredibly flaky when it comes to land. They are fickle and want instant gratification. They are also fine with instant land-dumping. I have know this for years and years and I am used to it. I have been an estate owner for 8.5 years and I learned these land lessons in my first 6 months of being an estate owner.

[19:05] Iliana Cerise: Get some of the beach towels too, soooo soft

[19:06] Gabrielle Riel: Those of you here right now? Attending this tea? YOU are the unique ones. You are special in your loyalty and care and interest. You are the minority, in a good way, but know that most people in SL are not like you.

[19:06] Mari Moonbeam: good idea!

[19:06] Kylie: I knew it!

[19:06] Gabrielle Riel: So, we must bid adieu to St John Beach.

[19:06] Scout MacLeod: haha

[19:06] Gabrielle Riel: It was a nice run for a year, but it’s over.

[19:06] Gabrielle Riel stops and looks at that sentence.

[19:07] Kylie: *tries to stay quiet*

[19:07] Gabrielle Riel: Yep, that’s my life in 2017!  ;-)

[19:07] Pru: :)

[19:07] Alas Sturges snickers softly.

[19:07] Gabrielle Riel: Anyway!

[19:07] Iliana Cerise: grins at Gabi

[19:07] Kylie: hehe

[19:07] Iliana Cerise: Water under the bridge!

[19:07] Gabrielle Riel: Does anyone have any questions about the removal of St John Beach?

[19:08] Kitty: i need a pillow under my butt woman!

[19:08] Kylie: Is it immediate?

[19:08] Alas Sturges: No questions.  Sad, but understandable.

[19:08] Pru: Nope

[19:08] Iliana Cerise: lol Kitty

[19:08] Gabrielle Riel: The residents need to be out by this Friday.

[19:08] Alas Sturges: Throws pillow to Kitty.  Ducks in case it comes out.

[19:08] Iliana Cerise: nods with Alas

[19:08] Alas Sturges: *comes back

[19:08] Kylie: Ok, so still time for a picture or two

[19:08] Kitty: ty

[19:08] Gabrielle Riel: Then I will try and sell it, but I have no idea if it will sell.

[19:09] Kylie: What happens if it doesn't sell?

[19:09] Gabrielle Riel: It will go offline in the first few days of August if I don't sell it.

[19:09] Kitty: it will

[19:09] Kitty: oh whats that mean??

[19:09] Gabrielle Riel: I file a ticket with LL for them to remove it.

[19:09] Kitty: so money lost?

[19:09] Gabrielle Riel: Not really

[19:09] Kitty: oh ok whew

[19:10] Gabrielle Riel: I covered the cost of the purchase with parcel purchase fees

[19:10] Gabrielle Riel: Then the damn thing ran in the red for a year. So it's been "losing" money the whole time.

[19:10] Kitty: dang

[19:10] Gabrielle Riel: Part of the reason for that is that my house was there.

[19:10] Gabrielle Riel: And any land I own, is land not leased.

[19:11] Kylie: I looked there last week and didn't see anything open except one cottage

[19:11] Gabrielle Riel: 3 people abandoned there on the same day

[19:11] Kylie: Ugh

[19:11] Kitty: oh wow

[19:11] Gabrielle Riel: And I was considering selling the sim a month ago.

[19:11] Kylie: A sign then

[19:11] Iliana Cerise: whoa

[19:11] Gabrielle Riel: That just sealed the deal.

[19:12] Gabrielle Riel: We will have a hole in the estate for a few days.

[19:12] Gabrielle Riel: I have to pay to move Islands into Beach's position.

[19:12] Gabrielle Riel: And it might take a week or two to scrape money together for that.

[19:12] Iliana Cerise: nods

[19:12] Kylie: wow, they charge you to move things?

[19:13] Gabrielle Riel: Yep

[19:13] Gabrielle Riel: $125 USD

[19:13] Gabrielle Riel: per sim

[19:13] Kylie: SMH

[19:13] Kylee Gracemount: eep

[19:13] Emmanuelle Huntress: they charge for everything

[19:13] Kitty: pfffft

[19:13] Kylie: How hard can it be?

[19:13] Kitty: 125 bucks worth hard!

[19:13] Gabrielle Riel: So it will be on the map for another week or so

[19:13] Gabrielle Riel: then poof!

[19:14] Gabrielle Riel: I am moving my house back here to Parish

[19:14] Kylie: Awwww

[19:14] Kitty: Parish is nice

[19:14] Kylie: dang, I loved your house there

[19:14] Iliana Cerise: As my old friend Blu told me years ago, "It's the way the Lindens keep us poor," lol

[19:14] Gabrielle Riel: And have relocation spots for the others left

[19:14] Kylie: LOL Iliana

[19:14] Gabrielle Riel: Me too Kylie....but there are some memories there that I am ready to let go of

[19:14] Iliana Cerise: grins at Kylie

[19:14] Scout MacLeod: oh good!

[19:15] Scout MacLeod: relocation spots

[19:15] Gabrielle Riel: Any other questions about the demise of St John Beach?

[19:15] Kitty: oh thats true

[19:15] Kylie: Where are the relocations?

[19:15] Kitty: i will sage it before it goes

[19:15] Gabrielle Riel: One resident went to Bayou

[19:15] Kitty: oh nice

[19:15] Kylie: We need a welcome party. ;)

[19:15] Scout MacLeod: yay!

[19:15] Kitty: yeah

[19:15] Gabrielle Riel: The other two I am waiting to hear from but I have spots in Uptown for them if they want them

[19:16] Iliana Cerise: cool

[19:16] Gabrielle Riel: Ok, next topic: it’s hurricane time!

[19:16] Kylie: Well, like RL... our SL is ever changing

[19:16] Pru: Hurricane "G"

[19:16] Gabrielle Riel: So...

[19:16] Kylie: OMG

[19:16] Kylie: <--RL G

[19:16] Gabrielle Riel: I had my usual explanation all typed out

[19:17] Gabrielle Riel: And then I realized

[19:17] Gabrielle Riel: that most likely, tonight, there would be no one new here ar tea

[19:17] Gabrielle Riel: *at tea

[19:17] Gabrielle Riel: And I was right

[19:17] Gabrielle Riel: I don't need to go into my usual background info

[19:17] Gabrielle Riel: You all know it already

[19:18] Kitty: yeah old hat

[19:18] Kylie: We dooooo!

[19:18] Gabrielle Riel: So this will make tea shorter than I expected!

[19:18] Kylie: I'm waiting to hear dates cause.... well... i just want to hear them

[19:18] Gabrielle Riel: So let me pick what pieces of info are pertinent to you oldbies!

[19:19] Alas Sturges gets out her hearing trumpet.

[19:19] Iliana Cerise: Hurricnane! yaaay

[19:19] Gabrielle Riel: The St John hurricane always occurs on the third weekend in August and it lasts for roughly 48 hours, from late afternoon SLT on Friday until late afternoon on Sunday. This year it will be on August 18-20.

[19:19] Iliana Cerise: giggle, Alas

[19:19] Pru: Smiles at the thought of being an "oldbie"

[19:19] Kylie: Yayyyyyy!!!!!!

[19:19] Scout MacLeod: haaha

[19:19] Gabrielle Riel: Last year we had a situation occur that I always knew was a possibility in terms of scheduling. There was a RL destructive flooding situation that happened in Louisiana on the weekend that our hurricane was scheduled.

[19:20] Gabrielle Riel: Because of that, last year’s hurricane was pushed back into mid-September. If there is a RL hurricane or flooding disaster this year on the third weekend in August, I will do the same thing as I did last year. I will push it back into September.

[19:20] Kylie: My 3rd one and I'm an oldbie too!

[19:20] Iliana Cerise: passes Pru some Geritol

[19:20] Scout MacLeod: is this hurricane Gabrielle?

[19:20] Pru: hahaha

[19:20] Gabrielle Riel: Let's hope that all is well this year in August.

[19:20] Kylie: *cries if it's in September and crosses my fingers  for the best*

[19:20] Iliana Cerise: Agreed! Crosses fingers

[19:21] Gabrielle Riel: So you all know that I alternate male and female names every year

[19:21] Scout MacLeod: sits on edge of seat

[19:21] Gabrielle Riel: Hurricane Frédérique was last year, a female name

[19:21] Mari Moonbeam: along came Mari

[19:21] Iliana Cerise: Uh oh...

[19:21] Gabrielle Riel: 2017 should technically be a male name...

[19:21] Scout MacLeod: wrings hands

[19:21] Kylie: Technically being the key word

[19:22] Gabrielle Riel: Howevah...  ;-)

[19:22] Pru: hahaha

[19:22] Gabrielle Riel: This year is G.

[19:22] Kylie: *:-.,_,.-:*'´ `*. HoOoOoO!¸.*´`'*:-.,_,.-:*

[19:22] Gabrielle Riel: Therefore we are having Hurricane Gabrielle.

[19:22] Scout MacLeod: holds breath

[19:22] Scout MacLeod: YAY!!!!!!!!!!

[19:22] Pru: Woot!

[19:22] Kylie: Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!

[19:22] Mari Moonbeam: yay!

[19:22] Kylie: And what could be more perfect this year?

[19:22] Iliana Cerise: ··..•°•··..? Applauds! ? ..··•°•..··

[19:22] Emmanuelle Huntress: woo.

[19:22] Otenth Håkon Paderborn smiles

[19:22] Gabrielle Riel feels Soliel grinning at her - she was SO looking forward to this year!

[19:23] Emmanuelle Huntress is still brooding over E.

[19:23] Pru: hugs Emma

[19:23] Kitty: hahha

[19:23] Kylie: Awwwww

[19:23] ÅL? RÅ??N: So what letter is it

[19:23] Kitty: few more years we get a K

[19:23] Gabrielle Riel: She was SO excited in....was it 2014? That Gabrielle was on the RL list.

[19:23] Gabrielle Riel looks at Kitty

[19:23] Iliana Cerise: was your name bypassed, Emma?

[19:23] Kylie: I'll arm wrestle you for it, Kityt

[19:23] Kitty: looks away

[19:23] Kylie: Kitty...

[19:23] Gabrielle Riel: Yeah and that will be Hurricane Kristin  ;-)

[19:23] Kitty: k

[19:24] Kylie: sorry ... wine typing

[19:24] Kitty: gasp!

[19:24] Gabrielle Riel laughs!

[19:24] Kylie: Hahahahaha

[19:24] Iliana Cerise: hee hee

[19:24] Kylie: Well, that makes sense

[19:24] Gabrielle Riel: I can’t believe we made it to G! That seemed impossibly far off when I started in 2010!

[19:24] Kitty whispers: no it dosnt

[19:24] Alas Sturges: I feel a hurricane season of non-stop puns coming in.

[19:24] Otenth Håkon Paderborn: Hurricane Kristin will have dancing go-go boys swept up in the surf

[19:24] Pru: hahaha

[19:25] Gabrielle Riel: Of course!

[19:25] Kitty: hahaha Otenth

[19:25] Kylie: LOL Otenth!

[19:25] Mari Moonbeam: making next year male H ..... eeps

[19:25] Iliana Cerise: hee hee

[19:25] Gabrielle Riel: I do not know if I will do male next year or not

[19:25] Gabrielle Riel: I will ponder that

[19:25] Mari Moonbeam: Helmut?

[19:25] Iliana Cerise: Boys in bikinis... girls in surfboards...

[19:25] Pru: pass the tanning butter

[19:25] Scout MacLeod: I like helmut

[19:25] Emmanuelle Huntress: Henri

[19:25] Kitty: Hunny buttons?

[19:26] Gabrielle Riel gags

[19:26] Scout MacLeod: oh henri! that's probably more french

[19:26] Gabrielle Riel: Oh hell, did I just do that in public?

[19:26] Emmanuelle Huntress: Mais oui

[19:26] Pru: hahaha, Gabi

[19:26] Gabrielle Riel: Kylie is the one drinking! Not me!

[19:26] Kylie: LOL

[19:26] Iliana Cerise: Oooh, do male so that "I" will be female... nudge nudge wink wink

[19:26] Emmanuelle Huntress crosses myself and hail marys

[19:26] Kylie: I told you I'd be quiet

[19:26] Kylie: LOLOLOL

[19:26] Pru: Hello, Princess!

[19:26] Alas Sturges: You have the right to remain silent.  But can you?

[19:26] Kitty: Hi Pea

[19:27] Mari Moonbeam: that hurricane would miss the land , wimper out in a sand bar

[19:27] Princess Selena waves and is sorry for being so late

[19:27] Alas Sturges nudges Kylie playfully.

[19:27] Kylie: Hi Selena!

[19:27] Kylee Gracemount: Hi Selena

[19:27] Kitty: hahaha Mare

[19:27] Kylie: *passes my flask to Alas*

[19:27] Gabrielle Riel scans all the stuff she wrote that is not needed, looking for the next info

[19:27] Mari Moonbeam: grins

[19:27] Gabrielle Riel: We have one more tea before the hurricane, it will be 3 weeks from tonight, Tuesday, August 15. At that tea I will direct you to the supplies that I will put out. Sandbags and other full perm items you will be able to use to prepare your homes.

[19:27] Iliana Cerise: Is your hurricane spiel long-winded, Gabi?

[19:28] Kitty: not this year

[19:28] Kylie: Hahahah Iliana

[19:28] Otenth Håkon Paderborn slips out to cater to the typist.

[19:28] Iliana Cerise: giggles

[19:28] Gabrielle Riel rolls her eyes

[19:28] Kylie: good one!

[19:28] Pru: hopes her RezDay isn't during the hurricane again

[19:28] Gabrielle Riel: it is

[19:28] Kylie: Oh, I wish mine was!

[19:28] Pru: :(

[19:28] Gabrielle Riel: It's the 19th, right?

[19:28] Alas Sturges takes flask, shrugs, and takes a gulp before handing it back.

[19:28] Pru: yes

[19:28] Kylie: Trade you, Pru

[19:28] Gabrielle Riel: Right in the middle!

[19:29] Pru: I'll work it out

[19:29] Gabrielle Riel: I will, as I always do, be playing the post-hurricane party at The Nightingale on Sunday evening the 20th from 7-8:30pm SLT.

[19:29] Iliana Cerise: We can't have a Hurricane Rezday party?

[19:29] Gabrielle Riel: I am sure Sugah’s will have their usual line-up of events throughout the weekend as well.

[19:29] Kylie: I think it would be fun to have a rez day Hurricane party

[19:29] Pru: We can, but it was done last year. :)

[19:30] Gabrielle Riel: If you would like to host a hurricane party, please let me know! I welcome any and all parties! We’ve got the DJs in the estate, so invite you all to step up and have a party! Just please contact me as soon as you can so I can put you on the schedule.

[19:30] Alas Sturges: Surely you can't have enough hurricane rez-day parties?

[19:30] Gabrielle Riel: We will need a Friday night party that is evening SLT

[19:30] Gabrielle Riel: And we will need the same for Saturday night

[19:31] Gabrielle Riel: If you want to do something during the day, that is fine too!

[19:31] Pru: It looks like my RezDay will be Wednesday

[19:31] Kitty whispers: i think purrrhaps me and Iliana could be purrrrsueded to have a party

[19:31] Kylie: yayyyyy

[19:31] Gabrielle Riel: Sunday night is mine bitches!  ;-)

[19:31] Scout MacLeod: Yay!

[19:31] Iliana Cerise: Yesss!

[19:31] Pru: hahaha

[19:31] ÅL? RÅ??N: Zed and I might be able to do Friday

[19:31] Alas Sturges: A Singing in the Rain party?

[19:32] ÅL? RÅ??N: see how you are

[19:32] Gabrielle Riel: Damn....am I drunk and just not aware of it?

[19:32] Scout MacLeod: hahaa alas

[19:32] Kylie: ROFL gabi

[19:32] Kylie: It's rubbed off

[19:32] Gabrielle Riel: ok Ali! ty!

[19:32] Kitty: hahah G

[19:32] Iliana Cerise: Let us conspire, Kitty...

[19:32] Pru: You had a fun weekend, Gabi. :)

[19:32] Gabrielle Riel must still be drunk from the wine bar in RL on Saturday night

[19:32] Princess Selena: hehe

[19:32] Pru: giggles

[19:32] Kylie: Epic Hurricane in the works!

[19:32] Kitty: okies we will!

[19:33] Gabrielle Riel: So...

[19:33] Kitty: high fives Ili

[19:33] Kylie: It will be epic!

[19:33] Princess Selena: what is this years name?  (sorry I missed it if it was announced already)

[19:33] Kylie: *laughs*

[19:33] Gabrielle Riel: Does anyone have any questions?

[19:33] Kitty: its G Pea

[19:33] Pru: It begins with a "G"

[19:33] Princess Selena: o.O

[19:33] Princess Selena: no!

[19:33] Gabrielle Riel: What name begins with G?  ;-)

[19:33] Mari Moonbeam: Gertrude

[19:33] Princess Selena: NO!

[19:33] Princess Selena laughs

[19:33] Emmanuelle Huntress: Hurricane Gomer

[19:33] Kitty: lemme give you a hint....G!

[19:33] Pru: hahaha

[19:33] Iliana Cerise: Gaston?

[19:33] Scout MacLeod: Gus?

[19:33] Mari Moonbeam: Teutonic north wind

[19:34] Emmanuelle Huntress: Surprise surprise surprise

[19:34] Kylie: LOL

[19:34] Gabrielle Riel: I've been called Hurricane Gabrielle before

[19:34] Kylie: Gus

[19:34] Kylie: LOLOLOL

[19:34] Scout MacLeod: hhahahaa

[19:34] Gabrielle Riel: Now I get to be one

[19:34] ÅL? RÅ??N: Gator

[19:34] Princess Selena: oh.. really?  I was thinking of another G name

[19:34] Gabrielle Riel: and Soliel is freaking laughing - hard

[19:34] Kitty: there goes the neighborhood

[19:34] Princess Selena: heheh

[19:34] Iliana Cerise: Poor old Hurricane Gus... Despised by all

[19:34] Kylie: LOL

[19:34] Mari Moonbeam: and the soup kitchen is Gator-aid?

[19:34] Gabrielle Riel: Like I would do that? Dude, I am not a masochist.

[19:34] Kitty: haha

[19:35] Scout MacLeod: hahaa

[19:35] Kylie: *sits on my hands*

[19:35] Princess Selena is so lost

[19:35] Iliana Cerise: lol Mari

[19:35] Gabrielle Riel: I have enough of a road ahead of me with Mardi Gras posters popping up in my memory feed next year!

[19:35] Emmanuelle Huntress: Shazam!

[19:36] Kitty: omg yeah G

[19:36] Gabrielle Riel: Hurricane Gabrielle

[19:36] ÅL? RÅ??N: Geo

[19:36] Gabrielle Riel: is the name

[19:36] Iliana Cerise: How can we help, Princess?

[19:36] Princess Selena: i think I am beyond help... LOL

[19:36] Iliana Cerise: lol

[19:36] Gabrielle Riel: Not any other G name that you might be thinking of  :-)

[19:36] Emmanuelle Huntress: Gomez?

[19:36] Princess Selena: Gonad?

[19:36] Pru: hahaha

[19:36] Kitty: Gomez

[19:36] Iliana Cerise: It's officially Gabrielle!

[19:36] Emmanuelle Huntress: Nuts.

[19:36] Gabrielle Riel: I think we are all still drunk from Saturday in RL

[19:36] Kitty: Hi Bug man!!

[19:36] Princess Selena: hey there Mr Bug

[19:36] Pru: hahaha

[19:36] ÅL? RÅ??N: Gabriel

[19:36] Gabrielle Riel: Mr. Breitman!

[19:37] Eclectric Breitman: What did I miss?

[19:37] Iliana Cerise: Go Fish?

[19:37] Gabrielle Riel: Hello!

[19:37] Kylee Gracemount: Hi

[19:37] ÅL? RÅ??N: Gunter

[19:37] Gabrielle Riel: The whole tea. You'll need to read the transcripts.

[19:37] Kylie: You missed me, right Eclectric?

[19:37] Scout MacLeod: mr breitman

[19:37] Eclectric Breitman: I sure did!

[19:37] Gabrielle Riel: My spiel is short this year

[19:37] Gabrielle Riel: No new residents at tea tonight

[19:37] Pru: Hello, Mr. Architect

[19:38] Gabrielle Riel: So what that means is that I get to put the info in some other form

[19:38] Gabrielle Riel: and force feed it to the new residents

[19:38] Gabrielle Riel: So that they know about it!

[19:38] Kitty: hahah

[19:38] Kylie: *still sitting on my hands*

[19:38] Gabrielle Riel really does not feel like another "WHAT is this water in my gallery!?" IM situation.

[19:38] Princess Selena: I have a neato machine that might help you, Gabi

[19:39] Princess Selena: you put in a list of people and it will pass on your message to them when they are next online

[19:39] Eclectric Breitman: Ha! That was hilarious.

[19:39] Iliana Cerise: One of those newfangled mimeographs?

[19:39] Eclectric Breitman: Well, for us.

[19:39] Gabrielle Riel: I had an oblivious resident in New Toulouse one year.

[19:39] Princess Selena: I think the Casperlet will do it too

[19:39] Eclectric Breitman: Not so much for the gallery.

[19:39] Gabrielle Riel: As Mr. Breitman remembers!

[19:39] Scout MacLeod: haha what did the oblivious resident say

[19:39] Kylie: Gabi, you will still get those, I fear....

[19:39] Eclectric Breitman: The watercolors were ruined!

[19:39] Gabrielle Riel: *I* was offline when she had her meltdown in group chat.

[19:39] Kylie: *makes a note to IM Gabi about water in my gallery*

[19:40] Gabrielle Riel grins

[19:40] Eclectric Breitman: I raised the waterline to the second floor.

[19:40] Mari Moonbeam: she freaked out like the water would wreck her stuff

[19:40] Gabrielle Riel: I missed the meltdown

[19:40] Kylie: ROFL

[19:40] Gabrielle Riel: But I think a few folks here saw it

[19:40] Gabrielle Riel: Oh the drama!

[19:40] Iliana Cerise: Oh, brother

[19:40] Princess Selena: I had my house built just so it wouldnt flood, so no melt down from me.

[19:40] Mari Moonbeam: I said derender the water ...but she was derendered herself

[19:40] Gabrielle Riel: LOL!

[19:40] Emmanuelle Huntress: I was there

[19:40] Kylie: Dang I missed that drama!

[19:41] Gabrielle Riel: It happened years ago - 5 I think?

[19:41] Kylie: Oh well, that's why then

[19:41] Iliana Cerise: That's totally ridiculous

[19:41] Mari Moonbeam: now if it happened, I'd send in schools of fish

[19:41] Scout MacLeod: omg

[19:41] Gabrielle Riel: It was  :-)

[19:41] Scout MacLeod: i would laugh so hard

[19:41] Iliana Cerise: lol Mari

[19:41] Gabrielle Riel: The residents jumped all over her in chat

[19:41] Emmanuelle Huntress: she wigged the heck out

[19:41] Pru: I think The Conservatory is still the highest ground in St. John Woods, so all are welcome to take refuge there if they wish

[19:42] Kylie: Yayyyy, Pru

[19:42] Iliana Cerise: whoo hoo!

[19:42] Kylie: I spent the night there last year

[19:42] Gabrielle Riel: "Honey, have you not been paying attention to all the notices about this for the last month?"

[19:42] Pru: yes!

[19:42] ÅL? RÅ??N: Hurricane Gershwin

[19:42] Kylie: Pics to prove it!

[19:42] Scout MacLeod: oh ty pru!

[19:42] Pru: :)

[19:42] Eclectric Breitman: GERSHWIN!

[19:42] Gabrielle Riel: I am sure I will get at least one IM this year

[19:42] Iliana Cerise: lol Ali

[19:42] Gabrielle Riel: "whaaaat is this?"

[19:42] Kylie: well, share with us "oldbies"

[19:43] Alas Sturges: Hurricane Greta Garbo

[19:43] Princess Selena is truly surprised that Mr B didnt say Ger-shwing

[19:43] Kylie: so we can laugh too

[19:43] ÅL? RÅ??N: boy

[19:43] Gabrielle Riel: Hurricane God Damned Duchess of Carntaigh

[19:43] Eclectric Breitman: Hurricane Gustav

[19:43] Kylie: Starts with a G

[19:43] Eclectric Breitman: Hurricane Gudanov

[19:43] Gabrielle Riel giggles....Hurricane Gilbert

[19:43] Gabrielle Riel grins at Selena

[19:43] Princess Selena: Gatsby

[19:44] Iliana Cerise: Gustav! That is the hurricane I moost hav!

[19:44] ÅL? RÅ??N: I like Gatsby

[19:44] Iliana Cerise: Guillermo

[19:44] Gabrielle Riel: There are a few G names I could use that would have ALL sorts of meaning!

[19:44] Eclectric Breitman: GATSBY! GATSBY!

[19:44] Kylie: I don't know why but G-string keeps popping into my head.

[19:44] Princess Selena: \o/

[19:44] Iliana Cerise: winks at Gabi...

[19:44] Pru: Galileo

[19:45] Pru: Figaro

[19:45] Princess Selena starts singing

[19:45] Pru: hahaha

[19:45] Princess Selena: :D

[19:45] Gabrielle Riel: It's 1917, we are in the process of becoming The Lost Generation, but we are not there yet, so no Gatsby  ;-)

[19:45] Iliana Cerise: A destructive force that arrives and leaves?  Who might that be?

At this point the chat veered into RL info that I (Gabrielle) do not want to include in this transcript.

[19:49] Gabrielle Riel: Let me say this - official tea end here!

[viralhottopics]

Step Inside the YouTube-Fueled, Teenaged Extravaganza That Is Beautycon

Taylor is 14 but a young 14, with the poreless face of an American Girl doll. Her hair is sandy blond and parted down the middle. She is smart but not savvy beyond her years, with the quiet confidence that educators seek when they speak of getting girls into soccer or STEM. She talks like someone who is certain of what she knows but who hasnt yet realized the vastness of what she doesnt. For this reason, I trust Taylor entirely as she lays out the details of the online beauty scene, a teen subculture as sprawling as it is potentially valuable.

Im into singersSelena Gomez, Taylor Swiftbut YouTube is a different category. Its not something you were hired for, its not something you were born intoits something you do for a passion.

Taylors own passion, at least for now, is YouTube star Tana Mongeau. I first came into contact with Taylor on Twitter last summer when I was looking for teens who could help unpack Tanas appeal. Tana is 18, lives in Las Vegas, has produced more than 130 videos about everything from how she does her makeup in the morning to boyfriends to pumpkin spice to racismand has 2.1 million subscribers on YouTube. The only thing Taylor might love more than Tana is God. Her timeline is one half retweets from The Gospel Daily, the other half pleas for Tanas attention:

RT @The_Gospels: May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, & the love of God, & the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. -2Cor 13:14

#ISupportTanaBecause she supports us. everyday. in everything we do. we are family and always got each others back. <3

When I first talked to Taylor she was preparing to start high school near her home in Washington state, though that was hardly the biggest event in her near future. Her mom had booked a trip to Beautycon LA, an event for the online beauty scene, where Tana would soon appear alongside other beauty-scene YouTube stars. These stars respond to myriad namescreators, influencers, beauty gurus, the talenttitles that convey their indeterminate fame, as well their receptiveness to both marketing and being marketed. Most of them produce extensive and often mesmerizing makeup tutorials on YouTube, plus brand-sponsored posts across other social platforms. Taylor was looking forward to meeting Tana face-to-face after months of following her online.

On the morning of Beautycon, Taylor texts me a photo so I will know who to look for in the sea of other teens. When I find her in line for the official Tana meetup, she looks shell-shocked with joyand wears hardly any makeup.

Im going to put the pictures from today on my wall, she explains. So I want to look more like my actual self. Ive heard similar logic applied to weddings, graduations, and other milestones to be photographed for posterity. For teens like Taylor whove made it to Beautycon, it isnt a stretch to say today feels as momentous.

Slide: 1 / of 10. Caption: Caption: Beauty vlogger Alan Macias (@alannized) at Beautycon LA last year.Angie Smith

Slide: 2 / of 10. Caption: Caption: Women sample makeup at Beautycon LA in a space set up to look like a classroom.Angie Smith

Slide: 3 / of 10. Caption: Caption: YouTuber Tana Mongeau and Taylor, at Tana’s first meetup.Angie Smith

Slide: 4 / of 10. Caption: Caption: YouTube star Jenn Im backstage at Beautycon.Angie Smith

Slide: 5 / of 10. Caption: Caption: Beautycon CEO Moj Mahdara (left) with Tyra Banks (center).Angie Smith

Slide: 6 / of 10. Caption: Caption: A woman tests lipstick colors on her wrist Beautycon LA.Joshua Kolden

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Slide: 7 / of 10. Caption: Caption: A make-up artist applies mascara to a Beautycon attendee. Joshua Kolden

Slide: 8 / of 10. Caption: Caption: Naturally, displays of cosmetics are everywhere at Beautycon.Joshua Kolden

Slide: 9 / of 10. Caption: Caption: A make-up artist applies eye shadow at Beautycon LA. Also, green poofs seem to be a thing.Joshua Kolden

Slide: 10 / of 10. Caption: Caption: A line of attendees waiting to enter Beautycon LA on opening day.Joshua Kolden

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Slide: 1 / of 10 Caption: Caption: Beauty vlogger Alan Macias (@alannized) at Beautycon LA last year.Angie Smith

Slide: 2 / of 10 Caption: Caption: Women sample makeup at Beautycon LA in a space set up to look like a classroom.Angie Smith

Slide: 3 / of 10 Caption: Caption: YouTuber Tana Mongeau and Taylor, at Tana’s first meetup.Angie Smith

Slide: 4 / of 10 Caption: Caption: YouTube star Jenn Im backstage at Beautycon.Angie Smith

Slide: 5 / of 10 Caption: Caption: Beautycon CEO Moj Mahdara (left) with Tyra Banks (center).Angie Smith

Slide: 6 / of 10 Caption: Caption: A woman tests lipstick colors on her wrist Beautycon LA.Joshua Kolden

Slide: 7 / of 10 Caption: Caption: A make-up artist applies mascara to a Beautycon attendee. Joshua Kolden

Slide: 8 / of 10 Caption: Caption: Naturally, displays of cosmetics are everywhere at Beautycon.Joshua Kolden

Slide: 9 / of 10 Caption: Caption: A make-up artist applies eye shadow at Beautycon LA. Also, green poofs seem to be a thing.Joshua Kolden

Slide: 10 / of 10 Caption: Caption: A line of attendees waiting to enter Beautycon LA on opening day.Joshua Kolden

Related Galleries

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Half the Web Is Now Encrypted. That Makes Everyone Safer

Tech Had to Lash Out Against Trump’s Ban. It’s Personal

10

In the beginning, like 2011, Beautycon was launched as a trade show for YouTube creators, though creators back then were mostly one and the same as fans. As growth and legitimacy began separating the groups, the event caught the eye of investor Moj Mahdara, who took a stake in the company in 2013. A year later she transitioned to the role of CEO and saw potential for something bigger than a trade show. In a 2015 interview with Fast Company, she imagined a far-reaching brandVice Media for a 16- to 24-year-old girl. That target market has since stretched to include boys who can contour, gender-fluid teens, women of a certain age, and, as she puts it, anyone who loves to feel great about themselves.

Beautycon Media today is one part Coachella, one part Sephora, and one part (or more) a consulting firm for brands that are thirsty for access to this slippery generation. The enterprise now includes Beautycon Box (a cosmetics service), Beautycon Digital (a social-first editorial platform), and one-day festivals in LA, London, New York, Dallas, and Dubai.

These festivals boast pop-up shops and live tutorials but advertise the creators as the main event. Few of the YouTubers headlining Beautycon LA lay claim to their own Wikipedia page nor a single piece of coverage in a mainstream publication. The only real way to crack their biographies is by stalking their posts across social media or watching hundreds of hours of YouTube. Despite such inscrutability to even an interested adult, Beautycon LA claimed 15,000 guests this year. Thats 8,000 more than in 2015, and 10,000 more than the year before that.

All across the halls, vendors are running schemes to goad guests into online engagement.

In the morning before Beautycon opens to the public, my ride drops me off at the foot of the LA Convention Center. Through the doors, a blush-colored banner portends the tone for the day: You dont need lipstick, lipstick needs you. This years festival is taking place in West Halls A and Baround 200,000 square feet in all. Admission starts at $19.99 and scales quickly to the VIP Total Packagea $299.99 extravaganza with early-entry brunch and professional hair and makeup.

Already the premium ticketholders are milling. All across the halls vendors are running schemes to goad guests into online engagement. The simplest offers a small bribe, like a lip gloss, in exchange for a like or follow. Other brands have arranged Instagrammable backdrops in the hope that fans might pose and post. The booth for Conscious Period organic tampons is decked with pink toilet tissue, a golden toilet, and pink mock graffiti that reads: Dont go with the flow.

On a long pink carpet at the front of the hall, the talent are arriving and granting interviews to YouTube-only outlets like CelebSecretsTV. If they have anything in common, its flawless contour makeup. Diversity happened naturally at Beautycon from the start. YouTube, as a platform, has low barriers to entry, which benefits groups long shunned by old media. Success on the site doesnt demand a certain look or a vast network of well-connected friends. The day before, at Beautycon headquarters in Hollywood, Mahdara had made it clear: Im not trying to change anything. Im just trying to reflect the time in which we live. The gay daughter of Iranian immigrants, she explained, I can relate to feeling like I dont fit in. Not marketed to, written off for being a certain size, shape, gender preferencea million things.

Beautycon is not an IRL event with an incidental web presence, nor is it the offline extension of an online community; its both.

Soon after the festival opens to the public, the lines on the floor grow so knotted that I eventually lose sight of where each ends. Through periodic polling of queued-up teens, I catch wind of free lotion at QVC, free hand massages at the booth for Yes to Carrots, and a meet-and-greet event with Justin Biebers ex-girlfriend hosted by a cotton-ball brand. Bored and lost moms mill about holding skewers, licked clean of the mock chicken being proffered by Gardein.

I pause for a moment at the edge of the music stage to watch the Vine-famous Nebraskan pop-rap duo Jack & Jack. The pit is packed, but the crowd stands still, shooting steady footage with phones in the air. Beautycon plays out on a digital stage as much as it does inside the convention center. When I spoke to Taylor before the festival, she outlined her social media strategy for the daya cross-platform plan of near-professional caliber. Beautycon is not an IRL event with an incidental web presence, nor is it the offline extension of an online community; its both, though the fans seem unbothered by such distinctions.

Leaving the stage, I spot musician Courtney Love walking casually across the floor, unnoticed. Many Beautycon fans were born not only after Kurt died but after the 2002 break-up of Hole. What eludes them isnt just the context of her fame but possibly her category of celebrity in general.

Stephanie Szerlip for WIRED

YouTube creator meetups are scheduled in hour-long blocks throughout the day. Tana is one of the few with two solo meetups, and the line for her first is overflowing its corral. A girl holds a glue-sticked poster: Your superhero wears a cape, mine wears mac honey love lipstick.

Taylor is close to the front, feet from the chair where Tana will sit. As we wait, she shows me a framed poem she wroteentitled An Influencethat includes sweet (if dystopian) couplets like: An environment which provides a positive escape / Through a false world that reality shaped.The poem is signed, God Bless, Taylor.

The online beauty scene, for Taylor, is less about the makeup than following creators as one might General Hospital. Perhaps this is why she loves Tana Mongeau. Tana doesnt claim any beauty expertise (and sometimes she actively rejects it). Her videos take the form of ebullient monologues, looping from silly into serious back to crass. Taylor calls Tana a storytime YouTuber. She communicates with fans like theyre up late at a sleepover, giddy from sugar, swapping racy stories. In I Talk About Drinking and Smoking, for instance, she faces the camera in an oversize T-shirt, mocking the squeaky-clean tone of beauty YouTube, before mocking herself for a former crush on Lil Wayne. She delivers an update on I Dated a Fuckboyan earlier tale of a duplicitous suitor, which unfortunately was shared with the fuckboy himself. She reassures her fans: Im never gonna not tell raw-ass stories from my life. What comes next is an exegesis on the Kylie Jenner Lip Kit, which segues naturally into heartfelt reflection on mass shootings. (Dont you see this pattern?) Over the course of 10 and a half minutes, shes funny and rude and confused and compassionate and the hundred other feelings that tangle the teen brain. She presents herself as wise but still flawed, ever reminding viewers to Like and Subscribe. Together, day by day, theyll untangle adolescence.

Shes created such a positive environment on the internet, Taylor tells me. To the point where the amount of interaction with her following has really made it feel like more of a family.

Stephanie Szerlip for WIRED

To keep tabs on the movement of creators around the festival, Ive switched on Twitter alerts, per Taylors advice. My phone flickers constantly, annotating reality. Phone charging stations, scattered about the hall, overflow with Medusas of commonly used cords. I stop to plug in beside two older women, markedly out of place for their lack of a teen. They tell me they work in high-end cosmetics and have come to Beautycon on an espionage mission to solve their own issues reaching Generation Z.

An entry-level full-time influencer with a few million followers can expect to be paid like a low-level teacher—between $20,000 and $40,000 a year.

With a good deal of eye-rolling, they recount their brands failed attempt at a meetup with a YouTube star at a shopping center. Theyd booked the creator for a Friday afternoon, a time when parents were still at work. Without rides or cash, the teens didnt show. According to the pair of industry spies, the lesson to be learned was that creators cant sell.

In the backstage lounge, some brand reps still have hope as they dump free product on whoever will accept. Creators load up on five brands of mascara; hair extensions and blow-dryers overflow from free totes. An overwhelmed bag-check guy struggles to stow it all, wading through what must be a cool million in makeup. The hope of the reps is free exposure, though a likelier outcome is a deal for sponsored contentpaying a creator to film an endorsement. The past half decade has seen a Wild West of spon-con, with brands throwing money at anyone with followers, a desperate plea to reach the youngest consumers. As this strategy has begun to bear middling returns, the metric of choice has shifted to engagementa creators ability to move fans to interact. Whats called family on the main floor is a target market backstage.

According to Tanas manager, Jordan Worona, an entry-level full-time influencer with a few million followers can expect to be paid like a low-level teacherbetween $20,000 and $40,000 a year. Worona lost interest in managing Hollywood talent when he realized the extent to which YouTube was still in flux. The trajectory of the career is still being developed, he says. Everyone is making the rules up as they go. You could work, right now, with the top influencers in the world. If you were an acting agent, you would have to wait 10, 15, 20 years before you would have some of the top talent.

Tana isnt exactly brand-safe. She swears a lot. Her most-viewed videos have titles like Crazy Bitch in Target and I Got Banged With a Toothbrush.

On YouTube, the top is often still fleeting. Creators rise to fame under viral conditions, then fade into obscurity in the span of a year. Creators who stick around are well poised for big payouts, though hard stats are mythic and can often be misleading. Theres a rumor that PewDiePie, who had the highest number of YouTube subscribers last year, made $12million in 2015.

Thats like Tana times 100, Worona says wistfully (though he wont say specifically what she makes). He watched Tana from afar for two months, waiting for the growth of her audience to slow. It hasnt yet. As her manager, his goal is to prolong that growth and assemble a career path thats sustainable, like personalized merchandise and touring. Besides, Tana isnt exactly what he calls brand-safe. She swears a lot. Her most-viewed videos have titles like Crazy Bitch in Target and I Got Banged With a Toothbrush. She goes eagerly on record in support of Black Lives Matter and other touchy issues that make brands run in fear. In a world of vetted and sanitized teen content, she is frank and plainspoken and what fans always call real. Taylor says it isnt the edgy content that keeps her watching, but Tanas openness and willingness to speak whats on her mind. Shes a role model, for sure, but she isnt a Role Model. When Worona solicits new opportunities, he most often compares her to Chelsea Handler or Joan Rivers. When all else fails, he talks in marketing hyperbole: I mean, this is the girl who, on a monthly basis, is getting views that American Idol got.

Stephanie Szerlip for WIRED

The fans in Tanas meetup line are peeking through the curtain, hoping to glimpse her backstage. A security guard asks me who everyone is here for, and I struggle to explain how and why she is famous. Taylor smooths and resmooths her hair in anticipation, whispering to nobody, Oh my gosh, oh my gosh. After a few beats Tana emerges, her minidress laced all the way down the front. The effect is somehow more wholesome than it soundsthink cool best friend of your older sister. Its easy to imagine her climbing out a window to go drink light beer at a party. She waves to the crowd with exuberance, and Im extra-journalistically overcome with a desire for her to like me. As the meetup begins, fans approach one by one, presenting their gifts and posing for photos. You might imagine this as stilted or formal, but Tana makes brace-faced middle schoolers seem positively carefree. She sings Happy Birthday to the camera for their friends, promises to follow them back on Twitter, and ends many of the meetups with an outright I love you. It does not sound like promo-speak when Worona tells me she could do this every day.

Taylor directs her mom on how to shoot video. When its her turn, she rushes Tana with a hug, then carefully steps back to present her with the poem. They establish the fast intimacy of two women in a bar bathroom, all drawn-out vowels and overemphatic gestures. Tana takes the framed poem in her hands, studies the text, and seems authentically touched.

Do you want to be in my vlog? she asks.

They squeeze into the frame of the camera, and Tana speaks naturally to an invisible audience.

Hi, Im here with Taylor and she came all the way from Washington.

Taylor, less practiced, compliments Tana in the third person. Shes so amazing!

The two say I love you, and Taylor exits the stall, retrieving her phone from her mom on the way out. Tana greets her next fan with a familiar Yaaaaas!

Stephanie Szerlip for WIRED

The cheapest read on Tana Mongeaus success is that shes famous for being famous. She doesnt sing or act or dance or otherwise exhibit any nameable skill we traditionally expect to justify stardom. Shes not even all that focused on makeup. In the case of a Hollywood star, fans accumulate as the byproduct of work; fan relations necessarily come second. You and I wont likely meet Brad Pitt, and even if we do, we cant ever truly meet him. Tabloid reputation, casting, PR spin, and velvet rope all help ensure the relationship stays distant. Such distance is likely to improve Pitts career, driving up interest through scarcity of information.

By offering their lives up for constant consumption, and closing the gap between fandom and stardom, a creator attracts and earns trust from their fans.

But even if Pitt did want to get closer, its unlikely hed be able to actually pull it off. Hes busy shooting movies, getting divorced, whatever else. YouTube stars, by contrast, arent busy with anything. They have little real work outside of fan relations, which isnt to suggest that they are without talent. Famous for being famous is a constellation of soft skills not easily described by a single-word title. By offering their lives up for constant consumption, and closing the gap between fandom and stardom, a creator attracts and earns trust from their fans, who rally around them as a communal touchstone. Tanas talent is cultivating an online sense of closeness and managing the flow of interaction to sustain it. Too much interaction and she floods her market; too little and she risks seeming distant.

Stephanie Szerlip for WIRED

Before leaving the festival I visit the main stage to watch Tana appear on the #True2You panel. The YouTube creators strut onstage in a burst of confetti, filming the crowd with their phones as they walk. Taylor is sitting in the very first row, still beaming. The stars discuss everything from ignoring the haters to the importance of love and the best Snapchat filters. The message, in the end, is to always stay positive, live with love, and be true to yourself. Ive forgotten the festival was ever about makeup.

Taylor would later tell me that the best part of Beautycon was during the panel, when Tana mouthed I love you from the stage. In the week after the festival, as she waited to start high school, Taylor would tweet at Tana 570 times. She would also retweet The Gospel Daily:

RT @The_Gospels: Hear my prayer, God. Dont hide from my request. Pay attention to me and respond to me. Psalm 55:1-2

Tana, in the end, would fave two of the tweets.

Jamie Lauren Keiles (@jamiekeiles) is a freelance writer living in Los Angeles.

This article appears in the February issue. Subscribe now.

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from Step Inside the YouTube-Fueled, Teenaged Extravaganza That Is Beautycon