#and the right kit is whatever makes a thing fun

[lesenbyan]

terrible day and don't even have the money to buy myself a Little Treat I need to make myself another Little Treat :ccccccc

[totallyboatless]

All of the actors for the Six of Crows storyline are remarkably well cast, but gonna focus on Kit Young for a second because that dude has something so fucking special. There's a subversive joy in his choices as Jesper that just kills me. Like at the end of season one with the line: "Tell me you have a plan. I don't care if it's a lie."

Reading that in your head without having seen his interpretation, the instinct is to go a little ragged, sardonic, exasperated - something to tell us that the character does actually care but just fucking can't deal with this shit right now. But Kit puts a pleading inflection on the line, his Jesper truly wants to be lied to, bringing it around to comedic desperation.

And it's not just with this line delivery, those facial expression reactions he does elevates every scene he's in. My favorite underrated moment is when he gives Wylan a confident wink and thumbs up when they're both getting the shit beat out of them. The juxtaposition of Jesper indicating "this is going exactly according to plan" when it's clearly not brings so much fun to the scene.

But the scene I keep coming back to over and over that I'm blown away by is under the carriage, when Jesper remembers Wylan. I could see so many actors taking those line directions and putting some angst behind them. We know Jesper was hurt when Wylan left in the morning, we know he blocked it out because his ego was bruised and he didn't want to face the pain of it. It would have made perfect sense for the line reading to have an edge to it, any indication of a grudge.

But Kit's face is lit up with nothing but fondness and joy as he remembers. And obviously actors aren't islands, the writers and directors have big influence - and they clearly are in line with a joy-filled Jesper, since the first thing they have Jesper say isn't "and you left me," it's "and you brought me stroopwaffles."

Jesper isn't a clown, but he's allowed to be one when he wants to be, and Kit leans into choosing joy with such effervescence. It only serves to make the dramatic scenes that much more heart wrenching. I hope we get a lot more Crows on screen, but whatever happens I'm excited to follow Kit's career, what a talented dude.

[booty-uprooter]

some tips on how to make bosses easier if youre feeling theyre too hard:

play a ranged physical dps class. that way you can hang back to keep an eye on the arena and what the boss is doing without having to worry about needing to stand still long enough to complete an induction

on that note, inductions are considered finished before the bar is full. you can usually move right before it fills and still have it go off, but it takes some trial and error to figure out how close you can cut it

move your ui around. my own life was made immeasurably easier when i put the target right above my hotbar so i wouldnt have to pay attention to both the top and bottom of the screen at the same time, but try stuff out and see what works best for you

the best time to mitigate an attack is right before the boss finishes casting it. the second best time is as soon as the mit becomes available, every time it becomes available

use addle and feint. you almost never see these used in casual content and it's a waste because they really are extremely useful skills at any level

use arm's length and surecast. there are some knockbacks they dont work on but those are rare. if you know youre gonna get pushed, use these and you probably won't get pushed

take advantage of duty support. the npcs know the mechanics. watch them and let them teach you

particle effects cant hurt you (usually). with the exception of puddles that stay on the ground for a while or layered stacks like akh morn, as long as youre not standing on the marker when it disappears (or are if it's a stack), you're in the clear. feel free to move through the animation if necessary. more and more mechanics require you to do so to be in position for the next one in time

it's usually fine to let spread markers overlap. just, yknow, make sure another person isnt in yours (though its the responsibility of anyone without a spread to keep themselves out of harms way)

when in doubt, ask your party members. it's extremely rare to match with a group of randos and have everyone be a first-timer. most players are happy to help, and the ones that know the mechanics but are bad at explaining them will usually just stick a marker on themselves (usually a triangle) for you to follow

read your tool tips. boss fights are as much a test of how well you know your class as they are your ability to read and react to mechanics. unless youre playing a healer or paladin, youre going to use your entire kit, so make sure you know what everything does

on that note, freecure is a scam. once you get cure ii/benefic ii, you will never need cure or benefic again. keep them on your hotbar for when you get synced content if you wish, but otherwise you do not need them. do not use them

if you play multiple classes, try to keep skills that do the same/similar things at the same spot on your hotbar. this isn't always possible bc despite what some may claim, not all classes of the same type are actually identical, but it will save you a lot of headaches

entirely new and unique mechanics are rare to the point of being nigh nonexistent. everything is a remix of something else and practicing in lower level content can actually be a big help

look up guides. the internet is full of them in pretty much whatever form works best for you (though they can be of admittedly variable quality)

turn down party effects. theyre on one of the tabs under character configuration > controls. if you put them on minimum you can still see heals and such but you wont have your screen constantly full of explosions

turn on target health percentage. this one is under character configuration > ui. it lets you better see how close the boss is to going down

make summons smaller. we all love titan's ass but not when it's the only thing you can see. "/petsize all small" will make this problem go away

relax and have fun. panicking leads to mistakes, which can lead to worse mistakes. if you need to take a second to breathe, do so. your party members probably wont mind waiting a minute or two between pulls

[caffeineandsociety]

There's a specific genre of shitty antisemitic joke that I have seen fly under the radar (as it was designed to) a LOT more often lately - especially since Kanye started going full mask-off nazi - so I feel the need to issue a warning about it. Namely, the genre is jokes that get spread around by people who aren't willfully antisemitic because outside of conspiracy brain rot land, it appears that the point of the joke is absurdism.

As an example, let's examine the 23-and-me lizard DNA test that I've sadly seen floating around unquestioned.

Because, see, to the average person who isn't willfully antisemitic, this genre of joke comes off as nonsequiturs, or hilarious mistakes - you, as a person with some level of basic observational and critical thinking skills, living on Earth and not in whatever batshit mirror dimension conspiracy theorists think we live in, might very well end up getting a giggle out of it because, HAH, we KNEW those DNA ancestry kits were a scam! If you're not a deliberate antisemite but not really up on the dogwhistles, it doesn't scan as anything awful because you're put in mind of things like feeding a photo of something decidedly not human into that one selfie-to-anime neural net, which sometimes works and produces interesting results because the thing is looking for specific patterns and trying to make anything fit - not things like blatantly lying about doing something like that in the hopes that normies who see the absurdity and want to have a laugh at a scummy company's expense will pass it along to people who unironically believe that Jewish people are actual literal lizard aliens and the test proves it.

This is the same strategy that guy at the game awards pulled. You, a person living in reality where the main source of political corruption is just the basic consequence of an economic system that makes power pool in the hands of anyone willing to exploit enough people, a world of banal mundane evil, know damned well that QAnon-pizzagate-satanic ritual abuse cult conspiracy bullshit is, well, bullshit, if you're even familiar with the details of what they believe at all. When someone crashes the stage and thanks Rabbi Bill Clinton, you may very well laugh because to YOU it is a blatant absurd nonsequitur.

Problem is that to someone else, someone who's deep into that shit, it's either someone letting the truth slip, or someone backing the deep state into a corner - whichever is more convenient to believe.

This is one form of how the far right uses memeification (CW: the example discussed in the link is a rape "joke") - it means something totally different to the in-group than it does to the out-group. To you, it's funny because it's nonsensical; to them, it's fun because they think they're onto something huge and they're about to blow this shit wide open and it's going to be their great moment of triumph.

I cannot stress enough that no matter how absurd an antisemitic conspiracy theory sounds to you, there are people who believe it, unironically. There are people who unironically believe that Jewish people are very literally not human and no amount of evidence to the contrary will ever change their minds. There are people who believe that we're born with horns and tails and pointed ears and have them surgically altered to fit in with good Christian humans like some kind of extremely high-stakes game of Among Us. There are people who believe that we steal, ritualistically abuse, and kill Christian babies. These beliefs, while fringe enough that, yeah, most of you who this post is aimed at have never heard them in the wild before very recently, are not nearly as fringe as you probably think they are. Just look at fucking Kanye. This asshole has more fans than there are Jewish people in the world.

So I'm begging you to please, bare minimum, be careful of "absurdist" jokes about Jewish people, especially if they reference lizards, money, banking, or government power. Also, you may see Jewish people debating how religious laws may apply to fictional creatures, but outside of that context you should also be wary of any time Jewish people are mentioned in the same sentence as vampires, dragons, goblins, zombies, fantasy demons, or any number of other fantasy creatures known for greed, feeding on humans, or both.

If the reason it seems funny to you is because you'd have to be really stupid to believe it's true or makes any kind of sense - it's probably looking for you to spread it to people who are, in fact, that stupid.

[ashs-cardboard-box]

An Odd Consolation

~ Sebastian Solace/GN!Reader

~ (Physical) Hurt/(Reluctant) Comfort

~ Platonic

~ 2.3k words

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How long has it been since you’ve gotten a first-aid kit? Five floors? Ten? You were starting to lose track. After an encounter with what felt like Jesus Christ himself punishing you for being an Expendable, your head felt all fuzzy and distracting. Though, realistically, it was Eyefestation paired with a bad crossing from the Good People and a sprinkle of face burns from a steaming pipe. Not fun!

Large gashes paint your chest, just from the claws of the Z-96. The skin on your face felt tight as a result of your painful first degree burns. The worst part about this program was the pain. Sure, you can die and respawn which was cool..you guessed.. but getting mowed down by an angler variant? Or getting electrocuted? Or the puddles of void mass crammed inside the lockers? Torn to shreds by wall dwellers? It all hurt terribly. Only to be cursed to wake up again, with Sebastian right in your face, and do it all over again– Unless you wish to be blown up, of course.

You weren’t even collecting data anymore. Your, now torn, jumpsuit had long been dried since the last flooded path you managed to stumble upon, which further supports your theory that whatever wet warmth is sticking the fabric to your skin, is the blood from your wounds. Clutching your chest in a self-hug of sorts to prevent any more blood from spilling out, albeit unsuccessfully, you force yourself to keep going.

Every time you stop for too long to catch your breath, the intercom chimes overhead, with the same staff voice telling you – threatening you – that you need to move forward, lest you want to be detonated where you stand. So, you push forward.

One wobbly step after the other into door, after door, after flooded hallway, after door. Only stopping to hide in a locker, hide from turrets, or to dive as quickly as you possibly can into another room to hide from any angler that even remotely sounds like Pandemonium.

You were tempted to just give up and open up your vulnerabilities to the next entity that wanted your head on a spike. That was your best option after all. A bit more pain to finally make it all go away for a while? Before you wake up again, that is. A new start..sounded frustrating, but so damn enticing.

However, you’re pulled from your thoughts when a vent is pushed open on its own. The metal grate clatters loudly against the concrete floor right at your feet, followed by a hushed “over here!”. You’d completely forgotten about Sebastian in your misery. The angler-mutant-thing that always managed to find where you died, bring you back to life, and borderline insult you for your performance. You weren’t sure if he was always watching you through the security cameras or if he was getting reports from the other monsters somehow, but you couldn’t care at the moment.

Stealing a quick glance around the dark room, spotting a few Squiddles lingering in the shadows, you’re focused on the two doors in the room, both key-card locked. The first, the navi-path interface sparked, despite the green numbers telling you “027”. You can already guess that Z-96 is behind it and Painter has infected the interface. The second door reads “049”, which makes much more sense to your pain-addled brain. You vaguely remember Sebastian giving a rough estimate to where his shop is located. Somewhere around fifty?

Dropping down onto your knees a bit too roughly, causing blunt pain to your kneecaps – hardly protected by the flimsy knee pads Urbanshade provided – you steal a cautious glance behind you for wall dwellers before crawling towards the vent. One arm supports most of the weight of your front half, as the other cradles your chest wounds. You feel like you can cry out of relief at the flicker of Sebastian’s lure, causing the room to illuminate.

“Welcome back, frien- eugh..” He starts. Comforting, you think sarcastically with a subtle roll of your eyes. Offering him a tightlipped smile as you stand up, gritting your teeth from the strain of your wounds as your muscles struggle to keep you upright. “What..happened to you?” Sebastian inquires, slightly judgemental, with a tilt of his head. His three eyes follow your each and every move. Watching as you silently shuffle across the small space, right towards his tail. Fully locked onto the medkit strapped to the appendage.

Stuffing your hand into the deep pockets of your jumpsuit and pulling out what little amount of data you have. A handful of USB sticks and some soggy files… equivalent to only ninety bucks. God damn it. Your lack of proper data hunting had come to bite you in the ass. With a sigh, you opt to just buy a battery with what little options you actually have. Your flashlight was running a bit low anyways.

Haphazardly tossing a few folders and USB sticks on the floor for Sebastian to pick up, you trudge up to the desk directly to the right of Sebastian. Several DNA casings rest atop it, illuminated by a small lamp, Several different colors for, what you can imagine are, all sorts of different species. The large document that you know belongs to Sebastian practically taunts you to read it, but you shift your gaze back to the batteries. Reaching forward to grab one with a bloodied hand, only to pause when a large, pointed claw pokes you in the shoulder nearly pushing you over. “Are you not gonna fix that?” Sebastian prompts as he tugs his four-clawed hand away from you, clasping it back over his left, watching silently as you fumble, catching yourself on the desk. He tuts at the bloody print left behind as you set your palms flat onto the dull-white surface. “Don’t have enough data..” You grumble tersely, shifting your feet better underneath yourself as your knees threaten to buckle. Snatching the battery off of the corner of the desk, you slip your hand into your pocket and fish out your flashlight. Flipping it over and trying to twist the bottom of it off, struggling only slightly with slippery hands but you manage, sliding the battery into its compartment and twisting the small cap back on. Sebastian is silent, for some reason. Usually, there was some smart ass comment about how he doesn’t give credit or insulting your lack of funds…but there’s nothing. 

His eyes feel like they’re piercing into your soul as he stares down at you. You don’t pay attention to him. He’ll be there..just like always. Tucking your flashlight away, you grab the blue keycard off of the desk and turn back towards the vent with intent to leave Sebastian’s shop. 

That was until you feel two large claws on your upper back as Sebastian grabs ahold of the slack of your torn jumpsuit. Picking you up by the fabric with a humiliating ease, as if you were a kitten being held up by its scruff.

“How stupid are you?” He scolds as he sets you down on his tail. Your boots almost slip against his scales, unused to the uneven surface beneath you, but Sebastian, with an annoyed sigh, grabs you as gently as he can muster, setting you on the ground again inside the inner curve of his tail to prevent your…idiotic…self from dying over some dumb mistake.

“It’s the least you could do..apart from not dying, that is.” Sebastian mutters under his breath, chuckling at his own remark. Using his two left arms, he unfastens the first-aid kit from the straps around his tail, holding it in place. It’s too damn small in his claws, so he hands it off to you. Setting it, rather roughly, in your arms.

Stunned, you hesitate. What was he playing at? He would never give you free stuff. In fact, he would probably shoot you if you even asked. Staring down at the medical kit, jaw slightly agape. Sebastian huffs, plucking the kit from your hands again and flicking off the top with his...thumb? “You idiot…” He grumbles, dumping the contents onto his large palm, handing it down to you. The plastic lid and container tossed aside uselessly. A thick roll of gauze, bandages, skin tape, epinephrine, burn cream, antiseptic wipes..the usual insides. You raise your gaze up to meet Sebastian’s own, much more impatient one. Slowly reaching out and taking the gauze into your hands, grabbing a hold of the loose end and strapping it to your side, pinching it down beneath your fingers to your ribs. Pulling the roll back around your back, switching hands to get the other side, before completely around your chest. It fucking stings..bad. You can feel your blood trying to soak through the fibrous material, subsequently sticking it to your wound. But, you know it’s for the best. Trying to avoid Sebastian’s critical eye as you work, having to pause for a moment due to an ache in your bicep muscles from the repetitive motion. “Why are you helping me?” You question warily. Your voice causes Sebastian’s ear fins to flick every so slightly. Shrugging noncommittally, he sets down the extra materials on his tail in front of you, leaving it up for grabs as you need it.

“You needed it, didn’t you?” Sebastian scrutinized, inspecting the ring on his third hand, so he’s not creepily watching you bandage yourself. “That’s… not what I asked.” You huff, finally getting your chest tissue and ribs covered up. Looking up at Sebastian as he skims the small shop, like he hadn’t seen it before. Not-so-subtly moving his left hand down, using his claw to cut off the spare gauze attached to the roll, allowing you the proper amount you need.

“I know.” He states. “And I don’t care.” You hum suspiciously, but don’t push it. He was helping you out for free, why would you complain? Pinning down the loose gauze strand to your side once again, you use your free hand to finagle the edge of the skin tape, yanking it unceremoniously to grab a bit more slack you can actually use. Silently lifting it up by the edge, letting the roll freely dangle, wordlessly asking Sebastian to cut it as well.

Surprisingly, he complies. Swiping a claw against the tape, freeing it from the roll, causing it to hit the floor at your feet. Awkwardly adjusting the strap to prevent it from sticking to itself, you can pin down your gauze.

“Sit.” Sebastian demands, gingerly tugging on the back of your jumpsuit, causing you to lose balance and tumble backwards, landing right on your ass. It hurts a bit, but the pain quickly subsides. Your back pressed up against his firm tail, tilting your head back to be able to stare up at him. “What?” you question, only to be met with silence. He ignores you completely, but he doesn’t let you get up. Tucking his third hand up underneath your chin, keeping your head tilted up towards him. The coldness of his ring against your skin causes it to prickle with goosebumps, but you don’t mind much. Peering down at your half-burned face, his claw accidentally digs into a blister, causing you to hiss in pain. You didn’t really plan to do anything about the burn, just wanting your bleeding to stop, but Sebastian had other plans. “Sit.” He repeats firmly, as if you were going to get up and scurry off. His second left hand grabs ahold of the small tube of burn cream, puncturing it with ease before spreading a small amount on the length of his claw between the first knuckle and the second. Using the blunt side to massage the cream into your face, all while holding your jaw like an uncooperative pet.

Sitting still, you allow Sebastian to cover your burns. It’s an action neither of you are particularly used to, but neither try to jerk away from the other. With a sigh, you relax against him, closing your eyes. His skin isn’t particularly soft, feeling more like the grit of a cat’s tongue, but he seems to take more caution around it. Sebastian’s not exactly warm either, but he’s comfortable, at least. “Why’re you helpin’ me..?” You mumble, pulling your knees up to your chest to get a bit more cozy against the floor. You can feel your lower back tingling slightly as it begins to go numb, but shifting more will only cause more pain. “Because you lack the self-preservation skills to do it yourself.” Sebastian grunts, more focused on coating your face in petroleum jelly rather than his responses. Removing his hand from your face and draping it over you, making you feel incredibly small. His ear fins fluttering at the sound of an angler screeching as it rushes down the hall, searching for you. You hum monotonously in acknowledgement, subconsciously tensing at the sound, despite knowing it wouldn’t be able to reach you through the vent. “You’re not falling asleep on me. You still have things to do.” He states firmly, but he makes no actual effort to move you away from him. Pleased with the coverage on your face, Sebastian finally pulls his hand away, wiping the remaining residue on your jumpsuit. “‘m not.” You agree, but you know you’re probably lying.

You never really realize how exhausted you are until you’re on the verge of tears from pain alone and forced to keep moving. Kept on edge, stressed to the end of your wits. You knew you should get going. This was weird. Not to mention, Sebastian was usually an asshole..but you don’t move. Readjusting yourself underneath his large hand, acting as a blanket, you curl up into the curve of his tail, resting your head against it.

“Don’t let me get eaten..” You slur in your exhaustion, earning a small hum from Sebastian, not exactly giving you any sort of indication if he would or wouldn’t. Instead, he rests his thumb atop your head, moving it ever-so-slightly back and forth over your hair in a “petting” motion. He would probably charge you double next run, but as you began to fall asleep on him, you couldn’t bring yourself to care. At least you weren’t dead.

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Hi gang I'm back X3 (he says with the intention to disappear for another decade)

Random fic drop !! I have like. 82 rdr fics open rn </3 procrastination is my best friend

[snailmail444]

Can I get a headcanon of the bachelors and how they'd be sexy with you when you're down? Like, if they're trying to cheer you up and be a little goofy with it but also tryna HIT. THAT. 🤣🤣🤣

Thanks Snail, ILU.

Bachelors Goofing Their way Into Your Pants

18+ 🌱 MDNI 🌱 NSFW (-ish)

This one was a tough ask Libby but I’ll do nothing if not stand and deliver 🫡 Honestly might be my favorite head cannon list for the bachelors I’ve ever done so THANK YOU for this prompt icon. NSFW? -ish under the cut (lewd?? Idk lol)

Harvey-

💚 Perhaps the goofiest about this

💚 He would not try to come onto you when you’re down unless he KNOWS it’s going to pick you up

💚 So once he’s confident let’s start there

💚 It’s a song and dance

💚 Dissappears, and when he’s back he’s got his med kit

💚 He gets out the stethoscope and all. The whole nine yards.

💚 That’s right folks. We’re paging Dr. Love

💚 Will NOT let you stop this routine. Dr. Love WILL be completing the full assessment. Listening to your heart rate, checking your throat and ears, somehow always having to complete a chest exam

💚 (M or F he will be groping your tits for this one)

💚 The diagnosis is in

💚 There’s Only One Cure for What Ails You

💚 You guessed it! You need a little lovin’ (Dr. Love’s catchphrase)

💚 Important note: Dr. Love is not a licensed medical practitioner

💚 This works a little too well perhaps. He’s so confident for no reason at all LMAO

💚 Lowkey want to write a Dr. Love oneshot now because this is really fun and cute

Elliott-

❤️ If you’re feeling down man will preform the absolute worst ad lib poetry

❤️ Silliest lymrics you’ve ever heard

❤️ Dumb dumb dummmmmb

❤️ Very dirty and stupid bad poems about you

❤️ Specifically about his favorite parts of your body

❤️ Or his favorite things you do during sex

❤️ The worse it is, the better as far as he is concerned

❤️ Raunchy dirty filthy

❤️ But like. In the most grade school mother goose style he can manage

❤️ No flowery language here

❤️ Takes off your clothes to expose the parts of you the he’s referring to

❤️ When you do x thing (then tries to make you do x thing)

❤️ Will be proving his point. Period!!!

Alex-

🤎 Physical touch legend

🤎 Wrestles

🤎 Winner gets whatever they want from the loser

🤎 Has a wrestling name and all

🤎 Does the John Cena theme

🤎 His hands end up in all sorts of places that they don’t need to be

🤎 Most wrestlers aren’t grabbing ass 🤨

🤎 Gets you in some really tight, close pins, but somehow you end up winning anyway

🤎 No I didn’t let you win don’t be ridiculous I respect the sport too much to ever—

🤎 He let you win

🤎 You can take your prize now 😌 Whatever you want 😌

🤎 And if his hard on is pressing against you? Well. Maybe he has some ideas about what your prize should be

Shane-

💙 Gets you through the hard stuff first, so once you’re on the mend he’s goofing to the max

💙 KING FLEXER!

💙 Aw babe come on? How can you be so sad when you have these guns to look at?

💙 Runs through a series of absurd poses to show off his muscly farm boy arms

💙 Lays it on really thick about being a stud

💙 “No matter what at the end of the day you have a trophy husband” (even if he’s not married to you. ESPECIALLY if he’s not married to you)

💙 STRIP! TEASE!!

💙 Showing off everything you’re so lucky to have with a big goofy grin on his face

💙 Throwing his clothes across the room and everything

💙 Making the music sounds with his mouth

💙 You HAVE to whistle or hoot at him or clap or something

💙 He demands applause from his audience if he’s not getting some singles at least

Sam-

🩷 Another song and dancer

🩷 This man was born for the stage I fear

🩷 Genuinely and truly putting on a SHOW about it all

🩷 The drama of it. Uh oh, he’s compromised!

🩷 Will end up ‘stuck’ under the couch or table or anywhere else

🩷 Uh oh! I hope nobody takes advantage of me 👀 When I’m so exposed 👀👀 and vulnerable 👀👀👀

🩷 The worst stage acting you’ve ever seen in your life

🩷 Starts stripping in the middle of the living room because he “didn’t see you there!”

🩷 Pretends to be scandalized when you finally succumb to his advances

🩷 What are you doing?! Huh? What do you MEAN I was coming on to you? I always take off all my clothes in the kitchen, that’s ritual

🩷 insists he’s been objectified and taken advantage of

🩷 That kind of turns him on though let’s be so fucking real

Sebastian-

🖤 Okay so we’re going blunt king here

🖤 Two possible options

🖤 Uses it as a way to hard reset the system mid breakdown

🖤 Full crying, upset, whatever, he’s been holding you and trying to calm you down but it’s not working

🖤 “Wanna have sex?”

🖤 DEADPANNNNNN delivery

🖤 It never fails. Tried and true

🖤 Option two?

🖤 This is ONLY if mans is super comfortable in your dynamic

🖤 A classic

🖤 Whips it out

🖤 Thinking about that one tweet of the boyfriend who was in the mood and just put his dick on her shoulder while she was watching tv

🖤 Like that but buried under sixteen levels of irony

🖤 “I know what’ll help” and then he pulls his dick out

🖤 Probably the least likely to actually hit with these methods

🖤 However, he’s maybe the most likely to help improve your mood substantially

🖤 Through sheer presentation if nothing else. Man can deliver, and knows when to hit with the absurd to make it the most impactful

[secretsandwritings-blog]

Baby, you're my sugar

pairings - Cobra Kai characters x you/non-binary reader

kg's notes - i just wanted to make something that was cute, fun, and overall a new layout of how I would present my headcanons. so here are the Cobra Kai characters sharing their favourite sweets with you, because they love you!

Demetri Alexopoulos - he would really love to share a Whatchamacallit or Cherry airhead with you and tear off small pieces and feed them to you. he goes from doing that to having it in his mouth to 'feed' you like that when you know the truth is he wants a kiss from you which you happily accept with chocolate on your face from the Whatchamacallit.

Miguel Diaz - he would love lots of Spanish candy and would tend to bring you back a lot of it, especially since he makes frequent trips to Mexico to visit family. the different varieties and textures make you both excited (and nervous) to try them and he'll make sure to take note of which candies you prefer so the two of you can enjoy them together, even if some of them aren't in his personal preferences but he likes seeing you happy.

Robby Keene - he's definitely spicier than anything actually sweet, but he tries to get something not so spicy for you to try, which makes you scoff and say you could handle it. he looks at you funny knowing that you're either lying to him or telling him the truth, either way he's intrigued about how motivated you are to try his "spicy" candies. if he doesn't eat candy he shares the corn nuts with you and you say the ranch flavor is your favourite.

Eli "Hawk" Moskowitz - he's the type who really appreciates sour candy and if you don't like it he's willing to share his dark chocolate with you. he wasn't raised eating candy, so you two would share a slice of fruit like: watermelon, apple, orange, or whatever kind he has in his pantry the moment. you actually started his love of chocolate (he would never admit this to your face but he would tell Demetri and Anthony) after telling him to get you some during your period since it helped you with the cramps, even though he retorted with a banana when you asked for the chocolate.

Anthony LaRusso - he would get the little variety packs like Kit Kats, Buenos, or anything chocolate related. he's not a big fan of regular-sized or larger chocolate (like King-size Hershey bars), since it now makes him uncomfortable to eat so much chocolate again. he would unwrap it and feed it to you instead of allowing you to make it yourself, although he would only allow you to take a couple of pieces of chocolate before hiding it in his room. he got better at hiding candy because you were sneaking around while he was trying to hide it once.

Samantha "Sam" LaRusso - similarly to Eli, she would rather eat fruit than real candy, but she sometimes eats real candy and it normally comes from Italy instead of here, America. she's not a fan of chewy or gummy candy, so the cappuccino candy she likes comes as a hard candy to make it last longer, plus she says it's better than the coffee you might get at a coffee shop. you're on the fence about that. it's not your favorite thing while it's hers and you offered her yours to see if she would like it and that is to be determined…

Tory Nichols - she's used to sharing a lot of things especially with her brother (Brandon) because that's all she knows, so it's no surprise when she offers you pieces of her chocolate. she's more on the bitter side of things like something rich—an espresso or a cappuccino if you will for her chocolate, although there are rare times when she would eat Sour Patch Kids or Jolly Ranchers (blue raspberry and watermelon are her favorite flavorus).

[I will add Kenny, Shawn, Aisha, and the adults depending on how well this does and I still need to finish my fic and the last two suggestions in my drafts right now]

[thesassypadawan]

Repair Kit (Hayden x FemReader)

Summary: You’re the on-set medic for the new Obi-Wan series. A verily simple, straight forward job…except when it comes to a pair of dumbasses. Who have no problem texting you in the middle of the night when they overdo it practicing…or when your new boyfriend accidentally gets out drunk. And tells you some things.

Warnings: 18+ (mdni), because there’s a slight hint of smuttiness. Some drunk dumbasses and a booty grabbing Hayden.

Notes: Happy Hayden's (And Mine) Birthday Event! In honor of the man, the myth, the legend; I will be posting nothing but Anakin, Vader, and Hay stories all April long!

A little something for @ittybitty-rt ! It was truly a pleasure to write this! I had a lot of fun with it!  Hope you like it! ❤️

- It was 2am when your phone goes off. You only know this because it was glaring at you from the lock screen. Along with an interesting message from a certain ‘hello there’ saying gentleman… ‘Vader Repair Kit’. Bring. Hayden’s trailer. Now.’

- “Oh, what the hell now,” you grumble. Begrudgingly rolling out of your nice, cozy bed; you hurriedly throw on the first thing you can find. Grabbing the requested ‘kit’ on your way out.

- This was your job; well, to a certain degree. You’re the on-set medic for the new Obi-Wan series. Normally, during the DAY, you can be found fixing up beaten knuckles…soothing minor burns…maybe even stitching up a wound or two. Pretty much you just keep everyone happy and healthy.

- Simple enough. Except when it comes to a particular pair of grown ass men who act like stupid teens the moment they’re together. Who see absolutely no problem with texting you in the middle of the night. About the most moronic things…aka usually practicing after hours and completely overdoing it.

- However though, that wasn’t the case tonight…

- Before you can even knock, the door flies open. Revealing ‘Dumbass #1’ in all his grinning glory. “D-Darling, you look stunning.”

- Stunning…they must have fucked up good. “Shove the sweet talk, Ewan. Who did what this time?”

- Rubbing the back of his neck, the ‘jedi master’ laughs nervously. The smell of alcohol VERY noticeable on his breath. “Well, y-you see-”

- “Meee, I did!” A familiar voice calls out drunkenly.

- Shooting Ewan a look, you push your way inside. To find…

- ‘Dumbass #2’ sitting on the bed; big, goofy smile on his face. Arms flung wide open. “There’s my angel!”

- Staring blankly, you let out a heavy sigh. “Seriously? Don’t make me regret agreeing to date you.”

- Not paying any mind to the whines of ‘how mean’…or the ungodly adorable pout…you immediately get to work. Pulling out various rehydration items and whatever can possibly lessen the inevitable hangover from your ‘kit’. “All right, dark lord, you know the drill. Just like when you overheat in the Vader suit. Drink and take what I give you. And you’ll be sort of good as new.”

- Right as you’re about to hand him a bottle of what you both so affectionately call ‘blue milk’ and some aspirin. Those arms you’ve been avoiding wind around your hips and… “Heh-heh, booty.” …unceremoniously pull you down onto their owner’s lap.

- “Hay, what the…stop!” You squeak, face all flushed while trying to wiggle out of his hold.

- “No!” He giggles excitedly, squeezing your plush posterior like crazy. “Booty!”

- You hear the sound of Ewan clearing his throat behind you, a slight smirk in his voice. “You h-have this under control. I’ll l-leave you two love birds b-be.” Followed by the trailer door closing. Bastard…so much for being your only hope.

- Barely a second afterwards, Hayden has his face buried in the side of your neck. Nipping and sucking your sensitive skin. Hands still kneading greedily. “He right, ya know. We that…because I loves you.”

- Did he really just say that? You haven’t…he hasn’t… “You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re saying,” you mutter. Scratching the back of his head, doing your best to ignore the awakening beast pressing into your stomach.

- Pulling away, not before giving your collarbone a gentle bite, Hay looks up at you with puppy dog eyes. Whining a bit while not so subtly grinding. “Maaaybe, but don’t mean it not true. I loves my angel. Wanna shows her.”

- Forcing back a soft moan, it takes everything you have to not cave. Sure, you’d love nothing more than to do so; to just tear it up like nobody’s business. But right now…right now he needed you in a whole different way.

- Despite his protests, you untangle yourself and slide out of his lap. “How about this?” You coo, sitting besides him and wrapping an arm around his waist. “You drink your ‘blue milk’ and get some rest. And…you can show me as much as you want in the morning. Okay?”

- “Fine,” he huffs, resting his head on your shoulder. “You numb me?”

- Although this isn’t exactly how you pictured the two of you saying it, you can’t help but smile. “Yeah,” you whisper, kissing the top of his head. “I love you too.”

- “Good, because I no give up booty,” Hayden mumbles. Giving aforementioned booty one last good pinch before dozing off.

Tag List: @espinathena-17, @myheartwillgoon2022, @wifeofasith, @princessswifie, @kenobiskywalker16, @loverforoldermen

[reysdriver]

In Public | J.P.

Day 5 of Kinktober: Public Sex — james x gn!reader smut

warnings: 18+, Minors DNI - smut, semi-public sex, shower sex, mentions of getting caught, oral (male-receiving), a little bit of gagging/choking, cum facial, probably lowkey uncomfortable sex

words: 1.3k

a/n: IT'S FINALLY HERE! I'm sorry I'm late but I promise I'm catching up on the missing kinktober days, do not fret

Every time Gryffindor won a game of Quidditch, you wanted to give James some kind of reward. Usually, you gave him some sweets or a handmade gift right after the game, then you waited until that night to give him the other half of his reward for winning. 

And today, Gryffindor won again—half just because of James. You wanted to make him feel extra good after that game, and you were feeling far more impatient than usual. 

James had already started walking towards the school with a pep in his step, excited to meet you in the Gryffindor common room just like you did every game. He knew he would be getting something as a treat for winning his match. Both of you sometimes wondered if he was just playing for a daily kiss on the cheek at this point. 

But when he saw you in the middle of the crowded room celebrating Gryffindor’s victory, your hands were empty. No bag of jelly slugs, no miniature pies you had snuck into the kitchens to make, not even a little animal you folded out of paper. It was just you. And even though he wasn’t sad to see you, he had gotten his hopes up beforehand. 

You didn’t seem fazed at all when you locked eyes with him, despite your empty hands. You ran up to your boyfriend excitedly.

“Jamie! You did so well out there!” You told him, then wrapped your arms around him and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

He pouted. “You don’t have a gift for me, love?”

“Who said that?” You pulled off of him and smirked slightly. “Of course I have something for you.”

“So what is it?”

You feigned a shocked look, like he had suggested something so lewd. “I can’t give it to you here, James. We’d get detention for the rest of our lives.” You leaned forward and whispered into his ear in your best bedroom voice. “But I’ll be able to give it to you if you take me up to your dorm.”

He finally clued in to what you meant and you could feel his whole body stiffen. “Oh, well, I should shower first. I don’t want to stink while you give me whatever it is you have up in my room.” He tried to speak like you were still talking about a handwritten note so the people around you wouldn’t know what you meant. 

“How about I come with you?” You suggested while batting your eyelashes at him. “It’s just as good as your dorm, plus you could have a shower and your reward at the same time.”

“I think that’s a fantastic idea, love.” He smiled. “The kind of thing that reminds me of how much I love you.”

And with that, you took his hand and you walked—more like a giddy jog, honestly—down the hall to the boys’ bathroom. As soon as you two chose a stall, you started stripping down out of your clothes. 

“If anyone catches us, we’re still getting that detention, though.” James commented 

“It’s way more private here.” You pointed out. “But even if we do get caught, I think it’s worth it.”

You slung yours over the stall door, just caring about them not getting wet, while James took care to fold his uniform nicely and place them beside your stuff. Noticing the look you were giving him, James rushed to his own defence. 

“It’s the star player’s kit, it’s an important piece of fabric! Even worth waiting a few extra seconds for this.”

 “Are your clothes safe and sound now, Jamie?” You mocked him. 

“As safe as I can make them.” He replied, even though he knew you were making fun of him. 

You reached behind your boyfriend’s back and turned on the water to the temperature you normally liked, but was far too hot for James to ever shower with unless he was with you. 

He flinched slightly once it hit his bare back, but you soothed him by cupping his strong jaw and crashing your lips against his. It was obvious James trusted you to take the lead, meaning he wasn’t entirely sure what to do right then, especially with his hands. He opted to subtly reach behind him and turn the water temperature down, which you noticed immediately. 

You stopped kissing him, and just looked at him with a raised eyebrow for a second. 

“I’m sorry, love, just tell me what to do from now on.”

“Just relax. Put your hands on my head if your heart desires, but you don’t need to do anything.”

After that, you lowered yourself onto the ground, kneeling just a few inches away from James’ massive cock. It certainly wasn’t the first time you’ve seen it, but the size managed to take you by surprise every time. You brought a hand up to the erection that had already started growing, then gave him a few pumps to ensure he was hard for you. 

James was looking down and watching what you were doing to him, but you didn’t feel nervous at all. Maybe that’s what love is. In fact, you actually enjoyed him watching you, and you looked up to make eye contact with him. 

“Are you ready?” You asked softly. 

“Of course. It’s the reason I won the Quidditch game.” Even though he absolutely had not known that this was your plan before he got on the pitch, you didn’t say anything about it. 

You just leaned forward, bringing James’ cock to your mouth and swiping the tip a few times with your tongue before filling your mouth with as much as him as you could fit. James let out a heavy breath, right at the same time as you gagged around him. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, not wanting to ruin the mood but still worried after you choked on his length. 

You nodded, then sucked on what you could fit in your mouth, and just stroked the part of James’ dick that you couldn’t. 

You kept going, knowing you were doing well because of the noises that came out of your boyfriend as you worked on him. It was honestly getting to a point where your whole face was getting numb, but his moans were masking all of that going on with you. 

“I’m gonna cum, love.” James said, interrupting his own chorus of groans. ”Where do you want it?” 

You pulled off of him just for a moment to answer him. “Wherever you want it, Jamie. This is your present, right?”

James was surprised he didn’t finish right there, hearing your raspy, seductive voice while you stroked him like you didn’t even have to think about it. 

“I wanna cum on your face.” 

You smiled, and took him out of your mouth, but continued to jerk him off so he could end how he wanted. 

With a moan that echoed throughout the whole bathroom, James reached his climax, painting your face with thick spurts of his cum and making you even more of a masterpiece than you were in his eyes. 

You kept going until it was all out of him and on you instead, then you stood up and looked at James; you were both grinning at each other. 

“I feel like that was way too good of a gift for one little Quidditch game, but I loved it.”

“I thought you would.” You said. “So, I should probably stick to this as the present after a really important game then?”James brought his hands to your face, wiping away the mess he had just made after taking a minute to admire how you looked covered in him. “I don’t care how important the game is, now that I know this is a possibility, Gryffindor will never lose again.”

[greycaelum]

Kaleidoscope Series—Clouds and Mochi Chapters: { Salve }

—Gojo Satoru X Wife Reader

𑁍 Genre: fluff, small mishap in the kitchen

𑁍 WC/CW/TW: (1.6k)—/ finger cut from a knife, caution: hot oven, discussion on cursed techniques—/

𑁍 A/N: I'm very busy with life before college starts so, here's a little piece for everyone while I'm out sorting my stuffs

It's one of those weekends when you are ready to clean a chaotic kitchen after a good time baking some sweets with the family. A small recreational afternoon after a tiring week for everyone to unwind and just have fun as a family.

Saika seems to have inherited her father's addiction to sweet things and you are really worried for her health. After all, even if you forbid sweets in this house their Papa will always find a way to sneak some for the kids.

Kouki on the other hand would eat anything his Papa gives him. You're not sure if you should be thankful your son isn't a picky eater. It seems like his stomach would accept anything that classifies as food.

It's hard not to watch the three of them all huddled up on the counter wearing the same kitty apron. Their fluffy white manes are like those pretty cats you see in tv shows. Satoru is leaning on the counter with his hair down and sunglasses. The two munchkins are sitting on the counter wearing a chef's hat and reading the recipe.

They look so cute~ so perfec—

"2 cups of sugarrrr~"

Satoru sang and dumped 4 cups of sugar into the cookie batter.

Actually no, they're a disaster.

"Sa.To.Ru."

He looked up to you and grinned.

"Aweee c'mon Honey, it won't hurt just to be extra extra sure it's sweetttttt! Cookies are supposed to be sweet, right kids?!"

"Right!!!" The two stooges of their Papa chorused.

"Baking needs to be measured, okay? It's not gonna come out right if you don't measure it correc—"

Satoru put a finger on your lips and shushed you making the kids giggle while you glared at your husband who winked at you and gave your pursed lips a small kiss of bribery.

"I got this. You just sit there and relax, okay?"

You're left with not so many choices but to watch the kids adjust the recipe to whatever Satoru tells them.

This isn't gonna be good... Maybe you should make a batch of your own and just let them play on whatever devil spawn of a cookie they end up making.

Satoru preheated the oven while the kids cut the cookies in shape cutters custom-made just for today's fun. It includes Panda, Yuji, Megumi, Nobara, Yuta, Maki, Toge, and even Todo miniature figures.

For some reason, Kouki likes hanging out with his Aoi-nii. Todo can actually be very chill with kids.

Satoru finally popped their cookie tray inside and clapped their hands while they waited.

"Why are you all crouched down there? There are seats here."

You sighed at the three cats (yes, their father is included) all crouched down side by side in front of the oven with their chins on their knees watching their cookies getting baked.

"Heyyyyy..." You pursed your lips and eventually joined the huddle, the four of you sat on the floor with the kids playing with you and Satoru to pass the time. Some thumb wrestling, tickle fights even rock, paper, scissors.

It's just like this, the simple moments of family time that you crave the most.

12 minutes passed and the 'ting' of the oven made the four of you excited (half of you dreading you'll run straight to the toilet in one bite).

Satoru carefully took out the hot tray while you were making something light for dinner. A light vegetable soup and some fried tofu and pork.

You chopped the carrots into diced and for a split second on your peripheral you saw Kouki trying to grab a cookie from the scorching tray distracting you altogether. Mother instincts leaping on action.

"Kou!" You hissed and just in time Satoru grab Kouki's hands away from the hot metal but you didn't escape the sharpness of the knife.

"Mama!"

"Hon!" Satoru put the knife away and held your finger with a cut bleeding profusely. "Can you get the first aid kit on the toilet Kikufuku?" Satoru turned to his son who immediately ran to the toilet.

"It's fine, I'm fine. The wound is not that deep." You sighed as Satoru seriously washed your wound but the blood does not stop. "Love, I'm not gonna die from a cut." You held back the urge to chuckle at Satoru's serious face as if you were hacked by a machete.

"Right, and I'm not going let you bleed like a waterfall either." Satoru snaps and drags you to sit on the tall counter chair while he tries to apply pressure to stop the blood.

Kouki came back with the kit and Saika immediately opened it.

"Mama, I'm gonna make it go away. Sho-chan taught me how to." Saika confidently brought out gauzes and betadine.

You chuckled at the little girl who wants to push her father away so she can treat you. For some reason, she really likes hanging around Shoko and often talks about being a nurse.

"Cat, clean your hands," Kouki remembered, pulling the stool so his sister could wash her hands and hop back to you.

"Princess, can you sit and behave for a minute? Papa is trying to help Mama first, okay?" Satoru frowned at the blood and was too busy to deal with the little one.

Unlike Shoko, he can use Reverse Curse Technique only to himself. He doesn't know how to heal others. Ironic.

"Papa, it's not like that." Saika huffed. She put her hands on her hips and stared at her father.

You notice your daughter's defiance and nudge Satoru. It's not like the wound is too big to worry everyone.

"Papa, Cat can do it... I saw it." Kouki interceded and for a second you thought his eyes glimmered like Satoru's.

Satoru stopped and looked at his daughter with a stubborn look on her face. He sighed.

"Cat... Well, how would our little princess do it?" Satoru crouched down and looked at her eye to eye.

"It's very easy." Your four-year-old daughter beamed and held your wounded finger. "Imagine two opposite waterfalls..." Saika murmured, concentrating on your finger.

A chill ran down Satoru's spine. Kouki didn't take his eyes off his sister and mother's interlocked hands.

"And the calm point they meet..."

A faint glow emanated on your finger and the deep cut that was bleeding was gone and there is no mark of a scar at all.

Saika's face brightened and turned to her Papa.

"See! I told you, Papa. I can do it. Sho-chan can do better though." Saika pursed her lips but smiled anyways turning to you.

"Did I do good, Mama? Is it good?" Your bubbly daughter jumped up and down and her brother ruffled her hair praising her a lot.

"Uhuh? What does my Cat want to be when she grows up?" Satoru chuckled as he carried his daughter in his arms.

You and Satoru looked at each other. A long silence before you both snap out of it and pat Saika's head, telling her she's so good.

"Where did you learn that Cat? Did Sho-chan teach you?" Satoru asked the smiling toddler.

"No, I just watch Sho-chan. She doesn't let me inside when a patient comes in so I just watch behind the door." Saika put a finger over her lips and shushed. "Don't tell Sho-chan, okay Papa?"

"I'm gonna be like Sho-chan! I'm gonna be a doctor." Saika clapped.

"See, I told you she can do it." Kouki grinned, looking at his sister being tickled by their Papa.

You ordered takeout instead and the kids happily ate their dessert and played in the backyard while you and Satoru sat beside each other, drinking some milk tea and shortcake.

Kouki has the color of your eyes, but there are several times that when you look into his orbs, the only thing he inherited from you is the color, the rest looks exactly just like Satoru. Vast and unfathomable. There are times you wonder how vast does your son actually see?

"Y'know, I struggled with reverse cursed technique until 16, I couldn't understand it very much." Satoru started while Saika tackled her brother down.

"Mnnn, even you struggled with it... Now that's something." You hummed and sighed. Your head found rest in Satoru's shoulders as he intertwined your hands and kissed the back of your palm.

There are only a few sorcerers that can perform that advance cursed technique, much severely few are those that can heal others, like Shoko. But even Shoko cannot fully explain how the technique works.

"How much does that take a toll on the brain? Unlike curse energy that comes from the stomach, reverse curse deals with the brain, no?"

"My wife is so smart, are you seducing me? Teheehehehe~" Satoru winked at you making you roll your eyes.

"Mnnn, it depends. The reverse cursed technique is more complex than it sounds. It boggles my mind how our 4-year-old daughter could even do that without being taught properly." Satoru chuckled seeing Kouki easily pinning down his sister and tagging her back and running again.

"You saw the wound she healed. It didn't even have any speck of scar Satoru. Even Shoko cannot heal wounds that cleanly. A scab or a scar is always present over the wound." You fear the situation that arises with this kind of technique. The ability to heal any kind of wound is one matter, but repairing it with no scar at all... You know it's another story. The underlying fear of her talent being exploited lingers at the back of your mind.

There are so many out there who would want to covet such precious ability themselves.

You watch Kouki playing with the bright clear marbles with blue streaks inside with Saika who is just as enamored by the swirling curse energy inside the crystal produced by her brother.

"We'll protect them." Satoru pulled you closer and kissed your temples.

It seems like your children will never fail to keep you and Satoru surprised at every chance they try.

—GreyCaelum

PLAGIARISM IS A CRIME

Check out the Masterlist for more

All rights and credits of the Jujutsu Kaisen character(s) mentioned images(s) and songs(s) used, belongs to their respective owner(s)

General/Kaleidoscope Series Taglist: @ice-icebaby @aeanya @gummy-dummy @tender-rosiey @lexiene @nevermoresworld

[idanceuntilidie]

i also like that you're rly friendly with requesters:DD

+ idrk how you are doing but remember to take care of your health and improve ur memory unlike me>:...

<33!

Hi thanks! I like my anons and generally everyone so yeah :D I also like being nice

I decided to add ur request to this response so there would be a bigger chance u see that I have finally done ur request! I am sorry it took so long and well enjoy!

this person agreed to make the reader gender neutral!

YAN CHEATER X GN READER

warning/s; yandere behaviours and acts, stalking, mentions of kidnapping and forcing one to be dependent on the other

requests are still open

You grimace looking at your phone. Seen. Of course it was seen, he wouldn't even try to reply. You are hurt. Naturally you try texting again and even calling. You are worried and hell you could be even mad at him but you can’t bring yourself to.

A small thought blossoms in your head.

No, he couldn’t have, right? Of course he couldn’t, he swore he wouldn’t cheat again. He stayed home as much as he could, he worked harder. He became sweet and when “those” times happened he became sweeter. You are stupid, maybe desperate but you can’t be mad forever no? That would be stupid.

You bit your thumb, that small little thought was growing roots. What would you do if he in fact did that again? You stopped, the question danced in front of you laughing in your face. Shit, what would you do? Forgive? A metallic taste fills your senses. Of course you would.

The music blasts loudly, it makes your head spin. You only came to the party since you thought he would come. He didn’t.

You were so deep in your thoughts you didn’t notice someone approaching you.

“Jesus you! What in the world are you doing?”

Someone grabbed your now bleeding hand. You are hurt, odd, you didn’t notice.

“Ginger?”

Ginger grimaced at the sight of blood. Personally you liked the color, but that is beside the point. They sighed, looked at you with disappointment and dragged you back to the loudest place on earth that currently exists; her house. That’s right, you were at a party before you decided to try and get Ciaran here.

You almost forgot.

„You can’t be so careless, what were you doing outside?”

You aren’t sure you want to answer, Ginger has a very short temper. She hates Ciaran with every fiber of her being, hell, she hated him ever since you introduced him to her. At first you didn’t understand why, then those accidents happened. That answered a lot but still you couldn’t get angry at your boyfriend, naturally you forgave him very easily. Ginger said you let him walk over you and maybe she was right.

„I thought Ciaran came since he didn’t reply”

Ginger frowned. You could feel your stomach knot, it felt sickening.

„You, listen, I know you love the guy but look how he is treating you.”

You shamefully looked at the ground as Ginger was dragging you through an overwhelming group of people that had fun. Your stop was at the bathroom where Ginger began to look through the cabinets for the first aid kit.

„I know but-„

„Oh stop it, I really had enough of that fucker. He is destroying you from the inside!”

She huffed as she tried reaching for the very thing she was looking for on the highest shelf. You helped.

„As much as I like you, I can’t just stay here and nod to whatever bullshit he is spewing. He is probably fucking some fucker right now. People who cheat once, do it again.”

She took care of your bleeding thumb. It was a little rough but you could tell she was so annoyed. Not at you of course, at Ciaran. That didn’t make you feel better.

Ginger was right, and that made you feel like shit.

You can’t sleep.

Your once cosy house felt unfamiliar, threatening. You felt like you didn’t know where you are.

Every creak, shadow and murmur made you question if you were truly alone. Were you? You hoped.

It’s been a month since you kicked Ciaran out. You dropped him, like he did you everytime he decided to sleep with some random asshole. He fucked around and found out, the irony.

You couldn’t say you have gotten rid of him completely. He was everywhere, seeing him made you physically unwell. Ginger had to take care of you.

He blew up your phone with messages, photos. He sent you gifts that were still probably rotting outside since you haven’t even tried to move them. Ginger said that they smelled like rotten meat. You didn’t want her to clean that. She has done too much for you already.

There was one time, you recall, few weeks ago when you considered murder. Would it really be that since you only wanted to protect yourself whe he was banging on the door? He was too focused on those to smash any windows luckily.

His screams fill your head now and then.

You swipe the sweat from your forehead. It’s hot.

„Come back!” he yelled, wailing. He sounded like an animal that was getting its stomach slashed. „I was so stupid, look, look! I changed! don’t you believe me?” You didn’t know what the change was, he blocked those people on his phone or told them to fuck off? Why does it matter if he would just come back to them?

You would wail, weak in the knees, your lips dried and sore. „Leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone.” Like a mantra, a prayer. You weren’t really religious but would some deity take him away? If that would be the case you would kneel and pray until you fell unconscious.

You feel like you are overreacting. It’s funny. Your eyes wander to the corner of your room. There was someone sitting on the chair next to your desk. They were sprawled out on your chair, you smiled.

„Ginger?” you rasp out. „Did you seriously fall asleep while you were supposed to watch over me?” You kind of regret taking that nap, even if you felt slightly better.

Ginger didn’t reply, you can’t hear her breathe.

Despite your body yelling at you to stay in bed you get up to turn on the light. That usually woke Ginger up but when you turned it on, the silence remained. Slowly you turned around and were met with the sight of blood. It blossomed on the carpet, Gingers t-shirt. Your eyes slowly followed the source, someone slashed her throat.

You felt sick, dizzy. The fever didn’t help, ir was so fucking hard to think.

You need to get out of here.

You want to turn around but someone graps you and hugs you very close. They stink of sweat and blood.

„Sorry honey, had to do something. Why Are you up? You are burning. Here I will help.”

A scream cought in your throat, painful. Who is that? Why did he kill Ginger?

You were turned around to face the killer. Ciaran. Fucking Ciaran. You wanted to scream, to cry or run. He only smiled as he swung at you, knocking your unconscious.

You wished you died that night.

[aziraphales-library]

hello! i read a work from your recommendation list, the "Heaven and Hell share a corporate party once per millennium. This time someone's had the bright idea of issuing a challenge to the demons of Hell. Crowley has no intention of missing the opportunity; Aziraphale's just enough of a bastard to make him work for it." and i really enjoyed it. it has me wanting for more of scenarios where they like have to flirt for whatever reason or crowley attempting to (preferably shamelessly and obnoxiously) seduce aziraphale. thanks in advance!

Here are some fics in which Crowley seduces Aziraphale...

To Woo an Angel by AgentStannerShipper (G)

5 times Crowley tried to "seduce" Aziraphale, and 1 time he realized there was no need.

nothing else matters like us by Melacka (T)

The order came through on an otherwise dull Sunday afternoon in 2004. Crowley had just returned from a spot of low-level tempting in the south of London and was just contemplating an appropriate excuse to stop by at Aziraphale’s bookshop when the message arrived. It was pushed under the door by a courier so steeped in terror that Crowley could sense it from the other side of the flat. With some considerable annoyance, Crowley fetched the envelope and eased the note out, reading it quickly with a frown deepening on his face. Seduce the Angel Aziraphale. Failure will not be tolerated.

How I'm Imagining You by orphan_account (M)

Crowley gets up, walking slowly over to the bar. An onlooker might be struck by the stalking and languid ease with which he walks, like a lioness to her prey. His hips, so smooth and slow. And he tilts his head back, lips parted. Surveys the room and the man with covered eyes. But there is no one looking at him. Every other patron doesn’t need to look at the bar at this moment, look at the man and the prey. So, they don’t. - (Crowley has fun with a little temptation of his own)

shades of grey by IneffableStar (E)

After Aziraphale's West End debut was nearly ruined by Furfur's espionage attempt, Aziraphale gets to thinking about if Heaven may also be watching them, and decides it best that he go search for any evidence against them. Crowley will only allow Aziraphale to go on one condition: Crowley comes along. or Crowley accompanies Aziraphale on a trip upstairs, but he has entirely ulterior motives.

It's your job by falsepremise (E)

After a night sucking oysters with Aziraphale, Crowley just can’t sleep. Perhaps he should hang around in Rome a little longer... After all, tempting a certain angel is his job, isn’t it?

Gormless Seduction by munchmulch (T)

Crowley grimaces. "Nhnnnnggg, ok, alright. But, hear me out." They flick a hand dramatically. "An angel! A being who can make Holy water! Even if I can keep the whole human disguise thing up, what if they, I don't know . . . want me baptised?" Dagon stares at Crowley blankly for a second before handing them the assignment kit. "You’ll start tomorrow. The address is highlighted, if you get lost and have to call me for directions I will direct you through at least three traffic jams."

And the one you mentioned that everyone knows and loves...

One Night In Bangor (And the World's Your Oyster) by Atalan (E)

"All right, I know I'm going to regret asking this," Aziraphale says. "What exactly does this wager entail?" Crowley grins like the cat that not only got the cream but has absconded with the entire cow. He grabs the bottle and swigs straight from it despite Aziraphale's tut of disapproval.  "The pot goes to whichever demon can get an angel into bed by the end of the evening."  AKA The Fic That Tumblr Made Me Write. Heaven and Hell share a corporate party once per millennium. This time someone's had the bright idea of issuing a challenge to the demons of Hell. Crowley has no intention of missing the opportunity; Aziraphale's just enough of a bastard to make him work for it.

- Mod D

[acesgarden]

For the lovely @nuncscioquidsitamor-14 <3 The first interaction we had lolol. I am so greatful to have had you interact with me. I have made so many wonderful mutuals and have had so much fun being back on Tumblr over the past few months. I will be honest, I don’t think I would stuck around (as I have ghosted my account two times prior-). So I mean it when I say thank you for being the reason I stayed.

Also, sorry for what i’m about to do to Leo.

|| Mother Hen the Mother Hen

Pairing(s) ->

2012!Leonardo H. x F!Reader

Warning(s) ->

Violence, Injuries, Blood,

Summary ->

Leo goes to reader after being injured on a solo mission.

1067 Words : Masterlist

He jumped back, hand clutching himself with heavy breaths. Staring down the remaining foot. Taking his katana and charging. Forming a roundhouse kick, the tip of his katana being used as support, as he pushed off of one foot soldier to slam another. The hilt of his katana backing into another’s stomach before jumping away. Landing perfectly.

Leonardo has come alone. No one, not even Master Splinter knew of this outing. Just him. He took off again, with only a few stragglers remaining of this bust. Whatever they wanted, they were not going to get it.

Next thing he knew, Leo found himself being slammed against a wall.

His shell and body ached, he was exhausted, and most importantly did not want to face the scolding of his master, or brothers. So, Leo went to the one place he’d avoid all of that. The home of a special ‘friend’ of his. He knew the route by heart. A past solo patrol where he stopped a mugging led to one, two, three, more meetings after that night.

It was not far, but his injuries significantly slowed him down. He was more out of breath by the time he arrived. Landing with a stumble on your fire escape. Slumping against the side railing. He managed to make one tiny knock before he grew still, in hopes of not hurting his injuries further.

𓂃 ࣪˖

The second she heard the knock she turned to look, the knock was familiar. The sigh Leo used to let her know he was there. She found it a little strange he came without a heads up, but it wasn’t unwanted. But when [name] looked out the window. The smile she had faltered and her face shifted to one of worry and concern.

The teenage girl—without hesitation—swiftly got out the window and dragged the exhausted turtle, katanas and all inside.

“Leonardo Hamato! What the hell happened to you? Where are your brothers? Do they know? Does Master Splinter know?” This was exactly what Lep had hoped to avoid. But it seems he can’t.

“Shit- just wait here!” Her voice wavered and she was practically sprinting to find something. In the next few seconds he knew what: a first-aid kit, after he removed his hand from himself.

Blood—red shiny blood—it clung to his hand and the adrenaline just began to wear off right then.

“Oh..” His own voice wavered.

She can right back at that moment getting to work to stop the bleeding while rambling on to him about this. Like a mother hen- like himself.

“Seriously, Lee, do your brothers or father know you're out? At all?” Right- two things his brothers and father didn’t know. That he was out of a solo patrol, and that he had a girlfriend.

“No, they don’t know I'm out—or that you exist..”

“Leonardo.”

The blue clad turtle diverted away his eyes. He could tell she was more mad about the ‘his brothers and father didn’t know he was out’ thing.

“You need to be more careful! This wound is pretty deep, Leo. I’m just glad you didn’t pass out on the way here.”

“I’m sorry, love.”

As soon as the wound was wrapped and cleaned she stood up.

“Let me check your shell.”

“Huh-“

“You tensed when I was near it, let me see, c’mon.”

Leo turned with your help, letting you assess his shell. She could see him tensing in certain areas when she glided over them. There were no cracks, or holes, yet. So for now she took some diluted betadine and applied it to the area, then gently covered it to keep it from getting infected.

“There, it’s just bruised and nothing serious. But, as you get home you make sure they check it out and watch for cracks or holes, okay?”

Leo nodded. His eyes had been locked onto the movie playing, it was a good distraction. [Name] joined him back on the couch, and Leo slowly and gingerly leaned against her, burying himself into her side.

The two remained quiet during the movie, well except for the occasional adjustment, between the two. The little popcorn that had originally been made for [Name] was quickly gone.

“I’m gonna go make some more, I'll be right back.” She pecked the top of his head. Leo hummed a response, invested in the movie. He was content on the couch, even getting a little sleepy. Well if it wasn’t for the ache in his legs begging to move. He waited a while longer, until he couldn’t. The turtle mutant pulled himself up holding onto whatever he could as he guided himself to the kitchen.

“Leo-? You should be on the couch resting.” [Name] turned from the popcorn to look at Leo.

“I needed to stretch. So my legs aren’t sore tomorrow morning.” She took the answer with a nod, returning to the popcorn which was almost finished popping.

Leo stands beside her, slowly lacing their hands together, figuring with her fingers.

“Thank you for fixing me up.” She smiled.

“I would do it again, a thousand times over.” She added with her smile now directed at him.

“And I would ‘mother hen’ you even if you had gone home first.” Leo smiled, twirling her around slowly. Getting a laugh from her.

“Like I do?” He guessed.

“Very much like you do.” He would do it a million times over if it meant being with her too.

A beep came from the microwave, alerting them the popcorn had finished. Leo helped her bring the warm popcorn bowl back to the couch. Getting readjusted and comfortable on the couch.

The movie was almost over by the time they returned, it had been half way through upon his arrival at least. They both were—mostly—quiet during the rest of the movie. Little comments being made here and there. Popcorn grabbed and eaten. Soon the second bowl was discarded from their laps.

[Name] made sure Leo was comfortable leaning against her, that it wasn’t awkward on his shell, and that he wasn’t awkwardly positioned. He reassured her and she nodded with relief.

The movie ended around the time Leo fell asleep. [Name] turning the TV off and grabbing the blanket behind her wrapping it around the two. Falling asleep shortly after. A little smile on her face,and relief that Leo was okay tonight. Tomorrow? That would be a whole other story.

[thatfreshi]

Little Stars and Such (Astarion x Reader)

It's here, the piercing fic, in which body-modded Tav gives Astarion hella piercings. I made a previous post with his piercing map in case you guys don't know the terms (I basically didn't until yesterday)

Tw - needles, implied sex

Recommended Song: Gregg's Woods - Alec Holowka

For the past couple of days, Astarion has been asking quite a few questions about your piercings. You had adorned your nose and face in tiny pieces of metal, all done by hand. Your little collection has grown over time, most recently with an eyebrow piercing once you settled down in Baldur's Gate once again.

"Do they hurt?"

"Like, when you pierce them? Yeah. You get used to it though. Surprised you don't have any honestly, elves are known for having the most elaborate piercings."

He stays silent for a moment, and you realize he wouldn't know that.

"Wasn't exactly a thing Cazador just let us do. Body modifications were mostly limited to demonic scars and being cut up for fun."

"Right... sorry."

"Don't be."

The conversation ended pretty abruptly, but picked up the next day while you were swapping out your nose ring.

"Do you ever get scared that your little ring will get caught on something and rip out of your nose?"

A sudden question, but a welcome one.

"I mean, sometimes, but not many people are that close to my nose. Unless you're planning on ripping out my piercing?"

You eye him suspiciously and he smirks.

"Oh, I would never."

This goes on for days, little prodding questions about all your accessories. One morning, while the two of you are lying in bed, you catch him staring at the helix on your ear.

"Astarion do you... do you want a piercing? Because I can do them. I mean I did these to myself."

"I've been thinking about it. I'm just a little nervous is all."

"Why my love?"

"I mean, I've never really had the freedom to do what I want with my body, in a lot of ways. That's one of those things I never got to explore, all the body modifications people are oh so familiar with. I suppose I could've done one with an embroidery needle if I was desperate, but that's just not something I had the liberty to think about."

You move a strand of hair out of his eyes.

"Well, you have the freedom to do whatever you want now."

"Then perhaps I'd like a couple."

"A couple? You don't wanna start with one?"

"Nonsense! One would be sad and pathetic, and we know I am a man of extravagance."

"Alright, if you insist."

You then grab a notebook sitting on the bedside table, and begin to draw out a plan for his piercings. Astarion insists that he only wants them on his ears, because he doesn't want anything to ruin his perfect face. As you're sketching, you continue to talk.

"You know this is gonna suck, right? Since your ears are so sensitive?"

"Sensitive? What makes you say that."

You blankly stare at him until he gives up.

"Okay fine, but I'm sure it can't be that bad!"

"I don't know. I mean I'm going to stab multiple holes through your ears. You barely like them being touched."

"I've been through enough pain. Nothing compares to jagged cuts in your back, I promise."

There are many moments like that, where he says something tragic that you just can't bring yourself to argue with. Without another word, he curls up against you, and the two of you discuss the options he has. Eventually, you settle on five on each side, because he INSISTED they be symmetrical.

"Tav, what kind of idiot would I look like if I had one ear with a bunch of shit on it, and one just, empty?"

"I guess you're not wrong."

He decides on two helixes, two lobe piercings, and a daith. You're a little surprised that he's going all out on this, but you don't mind. Everyone has that thing that lets them feel free, the thing they finally do to show the world 'I'm my own person.' Besides, if he didn't like them he could simply let them heal back up, forget this ever happened.

You go to grab your little makeshift piercing kit, full of fine needles you've collected over time, just in case you ever lose some.

"Now, you'll have to wear some of mine since you don't have your own earrings yet, but I'm sure you won't mind because my collection is amazing."

He sits up in bed, his shirt sleeve softly draping off his shoulder. If he could still be in the sun, you'd imagine a beam of light coming through the window right now, illuminating his face. You sit beside him, gently placing the box of needles by your feet.

"Alright, I'm gonna walk you through this as I do it, and if you want to stop at any time we can."

"Thank you my love."

The thought crosses your mind, that he'd probably not let any other soul on the planet do this kind of thing. Any time he's let someone else have control over his body, it's been riddled with sin and scars. But you? You've always been kind, soft, present. That's one thing he loves most about you, that he feels like he can be present. Not drifting off somewhere else, not closing off his mind to defend himself, not playing a chess match in his head. It's, easy. Life is easy now, and isn't that something wonderful?

"Alright, we're gonna start on the lobe. You feel the needle?"

You hold it lightly against his ear, and he shivers a little.

"Mhm."

"Alright, don't tense, but it's gonna hurt."

You hear the air escape through his teeth as the needle goes through. A pretty clean job if you do say so yourself.

"Well?"

You put in a dangling gold moon, waiting to see how he feels.

"Painful, but not horrible."

"Want to go again?'

"Of course."

He says it a little suggestively, and you give him a playful push.

"Save it for later imp."

You continue with his piercings, taking small breaks in between for conversation. You've continued adorning his ears with astral-themed jewelry, little stars and such. By the time you've finished the last one, you're quite pleased with your work. Astarion almost doesn't let you put the last earring in since he's so excited to see what you've done. He had Gale teach him mirror image a while ago, so he could finally see his reflection whenever he wanted. After casting it and giving his ears a look, he smiles.

Astarion laughs at your comment, giving one of those genuine smiles you used to rarely see. You silently curse the people that took that smile from him, wondering how anyone could see this specimen and torment him. He's like a pixie, a little trickster, someone you could pick up and hold forever. You know you're probably the only one who sees him that way, the only one who would call him cute, but he is. He enjoys it, being viewed as something that isn't devious or sexual, but a bright presence. You told him once how it's ironic that he can't be in the sun, because he was probably sunnier than the sun itself. He'd never let you tell anyone else that though.

"I... I think I quite like them."

"I do too. It's fitting."

You plant a kiss on his cheek.

"Worth the pain?"

"Most things are my love. Like you."

His hand meets your face, taking you into a deep kiss. When you break away, you whisper in his ear.

"I think they make you sexier too."

A chuckle under his breath, lips meeting again, and the morning is soon wasted away in bed. What a joy, to wake up every day with him, with someone living their life anew. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Neither of you know, but it's exciting none-the-less.

[lazyjellyfishcreation]

My thoughts on witcher!jaskier

So, so. I have been looking at a lot of witcher!jaskier shit lately, and eventhough bear!jaskier strikes a cord in my heart, to me, jask will always be a cat. So, with Jaskier being a cat, he would know Aiden, that would be logical. My question: what would their relationship be? my headcanon, Jaskier is Aidens teacher! Hear me out. Julek (jaskier's first actual name) was a promising young witcher of about 50 years old when it happend. He doesn't go to the caravan often because he doesn't like his siblings all that much, but he occasionally does to gamble and drink without having to worry about prejudice. He gambles his fun money away and gets drunk as a skunk in the process. He then remembers just how much he doesn't like being at the caravan and in his drunken mind decides to leave the caravan then and there to continue on the path. On his way out he stumbles into the wrong cart and finds Aiden. Aiden came out wrong. When he went trough the grasses (i hc that eventhough the cats do take in witchers from other schools that came out wrong, they also made their own, and aiden was one of the later.) Usually, a cat comming out with weird mutations isn't a problem, that's the cats school's specialty. But Aiden was a step too far. Aiden was deaf after the grasses. And the mages wanted to know why, so they strapped him to a table, to dissect him later. that's where Julek finds him. at 12 years old, scared, feverish from the grasses, alone, unable to hear, and not knowing what is going got happen to him. Julek, drunk as he is, decides that this is the perfect opportunity to make a shit decision and just. Takes. The kid. Julek just steals this child, and when he sobers up he realizes that that was a shit desicion but can't go back now, not when the kid looks up at him with scared sad eyes and go god he is gonna get so attached to this kid. So, Julek raises Aiden to the best of his abilties. He feeds him, trains him, teaches him the speech of hands (sighn language). Aiden is a smart boy, and phenomenal with trowing knives, he truly has impeccable aim. He's large too. Whatever took his hearing made him grow fast as fuck. Eventually, just when Aiden is getting used to not hearing, after a year or so, fate is cruel to him once again and takes his silent safety. Getting his hearing back is excutiating. Everything is loud, and sounds are so sharp now and it is overwhelming and aiden just want's it to be quit again but it is never quiet and and and. He's not having a good time. It takes him well over a month for him to adjusted to sounds. But now his hearing is better then any witcher's. It's overwhelming and it hurts but at least he can hear the monsters coming now.

All the while they are getting chased. Rememeber: Julek took a kit that wasn't his, not only that, Aiden was supposed to be a sience experiment and the cat mages want him back. so, 3 years after aiden getting stolen they make the desicion to go back to the caravan and claim aiden as julek's kit, to keep them from being hunted.

only problem: only grandmasters can assighn a witcher a kit to go on the path with, and the current grandmaster won't do it, because the mages want to keep him. so, Julek does the sane thing and chalenges the granmaster. If he wins and kills the grandmaster, then he becomes the grandmaster and can claim Aiden. if not, well... he wont be around to witness what they would do to his kit (son) nobody expects this 50 something year old witcher to beat the grandmaster with a century of experience under his belt. Julek is good, but he's (relatively) young. They are all wrong. Julek wins. Aiden is his. He claims his kid, steps down from the grandmaster position and fucks right off. I have so much more for this au but it's late so i might write that later if you want.

[ms-demeanor]

hello! i thought you might be a good person to ask this, so here we go:

i am just beginning to experiment with sex toys and am trying to find the right one for me. i have a vagina and have always heard how important clitoral stimulation is, so i got a clit sucker, and sometimes it gets the job done, but sometimes it just feels like...sensation that isn't painful but also isn't pleasurable.

do you have any advice or recommendations on how to find (and use) the right sex toy? i'd really appreciate it!

The right sex toy for you is probably going to end up being different sex toys. What feels good may end up changing from day to day because of where you are in your cycle and over time different things will feel good because of changes to your body or what interests you're exploring.

Clit suction toys are generally good for people who like very specific, directed stimulation but they can be overwhelming or unpleasant if your clit is feeling extra sensitive (or just boring and uncomfortable if it's not that sensitive!)

If you're looking for clitoral stimulation it's good to recognize that there are many kinds of stimulation and they don't all work for everyone. If the suction toy feels like maybe it's a bit too much or is overstimulating you might like the more diffuse but stronger vibrations that you can get from a vibe with a big soft head (like a Doxy or your classic Hitachi Magic Wand). If the suction toy feels like it's not enough you may want to experiment with something that has more direct, pointed, buzzy vibes like a lot of bullet vibes do - if so, look into an inexpensive toy with a lot of different patterns so you can test out what feels good for you.

Clitoral stimulation is important for a lot of people, but if penetration is important to make you feel good you might want to look into a thrusting dildo. Personally I find it a lot easier to get off with penetration and clitoral stimulation so I'm really into rabbit vibes with some kind of thrust or twist function.

Since you're experimenting, I'd say to do what you can to keep the price low and test out a variety of toys and sensations. This is a decent starter kit for a pretty good price that might be a good way to explore multiple types of play to see what works for you.

As to how to use them, play around with what feels good but also look at some porn! See how people use toys to get themselves off and see if the same things work for you. And look, Oh Joy Sex Toy is kind of a joke on tumblr these days but it's also a really good resource with clear visuals to help people explore their bodies. See if any of the comics on masturbation or toys have suggestions that you're interested in (and see if there are any toys that sound good to you - it's an educational comic but it is primarily a toy review site!)

Just make sure that whatever toys you get are made out of body safe materials and that you are cleaning them and storing them properly. The links I've provided aren't affiliate links or anything, I just think that lovehoney has good prices and a good range of toys, and the materials listed for all of the linked toys are silicone and should be safe to use. PLEASE avoid jelly toys, which are inexpensive but are *not* body safe, and please avoid marketplaces like Amazon for sex toys. If you're looking for toys on the internet the safe materials are stainless steel, glass, and silicone.

Be safe! Have fun! Good luck!