#and then along come new people who Get It‚ they Understand and then bam you're ass over teakettle

[confinesofmy]

[froggy-frogz]

hey dude, congrats on the 500 followers hitmark!! i've been following you for a while now, and i absolutely love every single piece of your writing i've read - also the way you format is one of the few that doesn't make my neurodivergent brain spontaneously combust, so keep it up!!

I'd like to ask for a jjba match-up, thanks!

my name is skam, i'm poly & bi and currently questioning my gender, and i go by she/her

i'm 5'3, i have pale skin and i'm a bit chubby; i have shoulder-lenght wavy auburn hair with two bright red hair strands on the side of my face. i have almond/green eyes and my cheeks are covered in freckels (i also wear big golden square glasses)

i'm an extremely loud, talkative and attention-seeking person, i'm also very hyperactive and i have difficulty concentrating or taking things seriously (i've had a lot of therapists and they all said that i'm too quick to resort to humor to cope oof-)

in all of my friends groups i've always been considerated the clown friend, and i swing between taking great pride in being able to make people laugh and worrying that everybody around me sees me as some sort of uni-dimensional jester, and will leave me the moment i show any real emotion

another thing i take pride in is charisma and my ability to stay calm during discussions: generally i'm very impulsive and i act without thinking too much, but when an argument is enough stimulating my brain clicks and bam! i'm invincible (that's why i'm planning on studying law lmao)

btw i'm an entp (scorpio sun, libra moon, capricorn rising)

i wouldn't know how to describe my music taste, so i'll just list off some of my favorite artists: mitski, sleeping at last, sufjan stevens, the front bottoms, radiohead, ricky montgomery (these should be all?? idk lol)

my hobbies include reading manga (and watching anime to a lesser degree), taking naps, dancing in my room at 2 am (reason why i take so many naps), reading random wikipedia pages, buying new extravagant earrings/sunglasses/hawaian shirts, baking and hanging out with my friends (we basically just walk around the city centre buying food all day, but i just enjoy their company)

i hope this isn't too much and that my english didn't totally suck :))

A/N: Ty sm for following me! It does mean a lot, and also dw about your English at all, I could understand what you were saying perfectly! Also, you sound super cool Skam! I didn't know what parts you wanted so I just did 1 - 6 as those are the ones that have been animated. I try not to do 8 myself as I'm still reading 7 :,) little scared to finish it lol. ANYWAY getting off-topic, enjoy hun!

- - -

Warnings: None! I try to keep my matchups spoiler-free <3

- - -

I would match you with...

Jolyne

Jolyne would go so well with you. I feel like your personalities would balance well with each other, as she needs someone a bit like her. Charismatic, talkative, but yet someone who can always be calm when need be. She'd absolutely love you! Your music taste would be pretty close to hers, hell, she'd jam out with you at 2 am lmao- I HC that Jolyne cannot sleep for the death of her, for insomnia and plot-related reasons. She also doesn't mind at all that you're chubby, she loves it, she's slim and almost skin and bones so she would love a partner that she can cuddle and be clingy too. She's been void of affection [besides her mom] so that's something she'd definitely look to. She'd come along with you when you go to the city centre or any other shopping you'd do and point out things that she'd think would look cute on you. If you weren't able to buy them, she'd spoil you 100% and get you said item.

Narancia

I thought about this one for a bit, as I like to do 1/2 matchups per fandom, and well, I feel like you and Narancia would get along super well. Nara needs someone who can keep up with him, and someone who's like him. He needs someone who's just as loud and talkative as he is. If you can also make him laugh, which isn't that hard to do, that'd be an added plus! He also loves shopping, whether it's for a new manga, or just to pick something out for you. Just because he has an interesting fashion style, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have a good one, because he does, and he'll help pick out things that he thinks you'd like. He also loves to bake despite not being the best at it, so he'd definitely turn to you to help teach him.

[realchemistry]

Chloe, Enver and Clark at The Laugh Track

Question: I have a question for Enver. You got to bring back your character from Agent Carter but in a setting that was very much a Dollhouse setting, along the same people. Did it kinda feel like returning to the best of both worlds joining the show?

Clark: Say yes, Enver, say yes!

Enver: It was better, it was better.

Clark: *cheers*

Enver: No, it was, it was—One of the really cool things about joining the cast was, Jed and Maurissa made it clear that they didn’t wanna just reprise Sousa from the moment that he left the show. That they wanted to go ahead and see, like, some time had passed, and he had continued to advance in the ranks and with his skills. They wanted to see more of a super agent, they wanted Daniel to be a little further along, and—

Clark: That’s what they got, people!

Enver: So that was fun because I got to have the best of both worlds. I got to continue that character in a way that trajectory would’ve gone if Agent Carter had gone on. And also, when I collected Marvels when I was a kid, I loved the What If comics. I don’t know if you guys remember the What If comics. This felt like such an amazing What If, you know? What if Daniel Sousa joined the cast? And, yeah, so I thought it was such a blast.

...

Chloe: It has to be the most rewarding part of the show, is having probably one of the most dynamic relationships with someone in my life in that relationship with Clark. Where it mutates, and there’s so much growth, and there’s so much openness, and there’s so much respect. I don’t think most people get the privilege of having such a dynamic relationship that you can’t quite put it into any sort of box of “it’s this, it’s that, it’s that.” And it’s only something that you would get in an environment like S.H.I.E.L.D., so that’s, it’s just—

Clark: That and the stuff with Enver.

Chloe: That and Enver. A kiss! They’re happy together, I’m a big Dousy fan, come on!

...

Clark: And, of all the other things, and [Elizabeth] also really brought home the first weird little moments of the ship between you and Sousa in a way that felt completely unforced. And that was the hardest beat, I think, to do, it’s, is this a thing? And I thought she killed that too. You guys helped some, but she really, really...

Chloe: That was! It’s a really hard line to walk of, “okay, so we have to buy this and by the middle of this episode, they are kissing.” And how do we not only have Daisy understand each timeloop and process that she did a timeloop, and every single thing, there’s also, at the same time, she had to be kind of falling for Sousa. So my brain was fried, thank god she was there, it was crazy.

...

Question: I wanted to ask, basically for Chloe and Enver, about the future of Daisy and Sousa. No one had to wind up with each other at the end of the show, but how do you feel about them coming together at the end? It looks like that relationship could work. Daisy, to say the least, has had a lot of bad luck in that arena, and it took almost getting a guy out of time, or a partner out of time, to be somebody who she was comfortable with, and she could have a future with. What are your opinions about their relationship and their future as galactic explorer representatives of humanity?

Chloe: Great question! I’ll be honest, I was a little hesitant about a love interest just because I felt like her narrative was about finding herself and her family, and the real relationship was with Coulson and with the S.H.I.E.L.D. family and, you know, independent woman. And this one snuck up on me as Chloe as much as it did with Daisy, I think. And, it’s one of those things where you go, “oh, she needed this!” Like in a way that’s not, she didn’t need a man, that she needed the way that he complements her so well. It just, it felt perfect for the ending for her. In a way that just, I can’t, exactly, it took a man out of time to kind of really come in and complement her in a way that she’s totally taken off guard by, and I think that’s the only way that something for Daisy was ever gonna happen. And Enver did that. You did it so well! You did so well that I’m processing it ten times more now watching it than even like on the day, it’s so great. Enver, what do you think?

Enver: I... there’s so many parallels right now, you know, that something comes in the world and just like smashes everything that you knew, you know? And then you're sailing forward into a completely unknown universe, right? And so we’re, more than ever, actually, I feel like somehow these writers were a little bit ahead of it. Like, you know, cause I was like, wait, okay, so Sousa came out of time and now we’re going in... It feels appropriate, it feels appropriate. It feels like this thing, for my character, get pulled out of time, smashed into a new reality, and now everything’s just like, okay, so let’s do this now, you know? It’s real life, you know, things, you know, some things happen and you adjust and you sail into the future, into some unknown future. I love it, I love it, I think it’s absolutely beautiful. And I also think, this is why I like sci-fi, you get to imagine things that don’t exist. Here’s this new dynamic between the two of them, and we get to create our own future now. So I loved it.

Chloe: It was great, it was so special. For her to, I think she kinda, I feel like right when she settles into who she is, who her family is, the history of her, be it losing her family, settling into her powers, understanding of what being powerful means, that’s she’s like, I know myself and then, BAM! This guy comes in and I think it was the perfect way to end it for Daisy, so, very special.

[nmjd1234isazombie]

The Reunion Tour

This story is for @starr-fall-knight-rise and his Humans are space orcs stories.

Adam Vir, Jim Vir, Sunny, Ramirez, and Maverick all belong to him.

———————–[STORY]———————

Vir raced through the dense underbrush twisting this way and that in an attempt to avoid the sharp thorn-like branches of the alien trees, “Maverick, I swear to God, you better be waiting for me with the shuttle,” he muttered aloud.

The sound of heavy footfall raced closer behind him, “I hate this planet, I hate this planet, I hate this planet,” he repeated, breaking into a clearing he saw his ship, “everyone load up,” he shouted to the few outside as he ran.

“What's wrong?” Sunny asked from the open ramp, she didn't need a response as a monstrous beast erupted from the foliage behind the Commander.

“What the fuck is that!?” Ramirez shouted as he turned and bolted up the ramp and into the cockpit, “Maverick, get us in the air ASAP,” he told her.

The bellow of the creature reverberated through the shuttle, “holy shit!” she retorted, firing up the engines.

Back outside Vir reached the open ramp in time as the shuttle lifted off, “okay, we can tell the GA this planet is a no go, it’s got way too dangerous of wildlife,” he said, panting from his run.

Sunny pulled him in the rest of the way as Remirez closed the bay door, “that thing looked like a pink t-rex or was it just me?” he said.

“No, you're right. It looked like a pink T-rex,” Vir confirmed.

The crew that had been outside burst out laughing, well Sunny looked to the Commander, “what's a T-rex?” she asked.

“It’s a big lizard that used to live on earth, I’ll show you later.”

Once back on the Harbinger, Vir sent word about the creature they encountered, the Councilwoman had not been happy to hear about the animal but was grateful to the Commander for discovering it before the colony ship had been sent. The human ambassador had to leave the room when Vir had described the creature’s appearance, much to the council's confusion.

Once finished with his report, Vir turned to his bridge crew, “alright, people, we are heading back to earth for some maintenance, plot course for docking bay one.”

Two days passed before the ship arrived home, “turn on com’s if you will,” Vir said to his communications officer.

“All set, Sir,” they said.

“Good afternoon everyone,” he started, “as you know we are home for some scheduled maintenance, we will be here for two weeks so for those of you that requested shore leave, the shuttle will be leaving from docking bay one to moon base then to earth two hours after we dock. I know we usually head straight there, but it’s time for the yearly physical, so get that out of the way before heading to have some fun,” he said, almost hearing the crew groan.

“For the skeleton crew staying, we will be having a tour of engineering college kids coming through, so be on your best behavior,” Vir continued.

-------------------------------------------------------

The following morning, Sunny and Vir walked near-empty halls, “it’s weird how quiet it is when everyone is gone,” Sunny said.

“It’s been what four years since you joined the ship, and you say the same thing every time we go in for work,” Vir said from her back, “besides we have a group of students inbound it won't be quiet for long.”

“Ture.”

Lunch came and went before the shuttle arrived from the earth with the students, “sorry we’re late, the professor said upon exiting, “a storm front rolled in, throwing everything off,” they added.

Vir nodded, “it’s understandable. I made some arrangements for you and the students to spend the night if need be,” he added.

“Thank you, but I think we’ll get on down to engineering and poke around then get out of your hair,” they said, ushering more than thirty students from the shuttle, one lingered behind staring at the Commander.  

“Can I help you with something?” Vir asked, eyeing the girl, she seemed familiar, but he’s not quite sure why.

“Wow a year and a half, and he forgets you,” she said, “I do have hair again so I can understand. Adam, it’s me, Nataly,” she said, Vir’s eyes grew wide as the connection snapped into place.

“Oh my God!” he exclaimed, bringing the girl into a hug.

-------------------------------------------------------

Once Vir left, Mr. Ross re-entered the hospital room to find his wife holding their child as she cried, an hour passed the small family holding each over before a nurse came in with a big smile on her face.

Mr. Ross couldn’t understand as she beckoned him from the room, “what's going on,” he asked upon seeing his daughter's doctor along with half a dozen other physicians.

“We just received word that your daughter has been accepted into the Manticore program,” the tallest of the group said.

“I have no idea what that is.”

“It's a program to integrate organic and inorganic material,” the doctor said again, “you know how prosthetics are being made that can feel and move naturally?”

“Ya, have an ex-army buddy who has fake arms, he said it’s like he never lost them,” Mr. Ross said the connections started to make sense.

“The Manticore program is responsible for that, and now they have a new idea for those with cancer such as leukemia. We don't have full detail, but the head of the program would like to meet with you and Mrs. Ross tomorrow to discuss it, before talking with Nataly.”

-------------------------------------------------------

The following day they met with a tall, slender woman, “good morning Hex,” Mr. Ross greeted, “what are you doing here?” he asked, taking a seat at the table where the woman had stacks of papers laid out.

“I’m filling in for the head of the Manticore program, she became indisposed with an experiment last night, and it went into this morning, sorry about that, “she said, “but I am here to talk to you about what your daughter has been accepted into.”

“Really!? We can wait for the department head if that would be better?” Mrs. Ross said, “I’m sure you have better things to do, working with Make-A-Wish and all.”

“That’s my main focus now. I used to do research, and am technically still second in command of the Manticore program. This particular project is my wife Marcel's brainchild after she lost her brother to cancer, she’s been looking for a way to fight it beyond chemotherapy and the such. For your daughter, we would use Nanites to replace the blood-making bone marrow giving her what amounts to artificial blood.”  

“That can’t be safe,” Mrs. Ross said, clutching her husband's hand.

“It’s experimental, yes, but we’ve already done this procedure on another with great promise of success, and…”

“Only one!?” Mr. Ross interrupted.

“Yes, with three others waiting, your daughter would be number five, this could save her life, but there is only an eight percent chance of the body accepting the Nanites.”

“But there is a hundred percent chance of her dying,” Mr. Ross said, “How do we get started.”

-------------------------------------------------------

“A few months later, I had the procedure done, and bam here I am,” Nataly finished.

The duo sat in the observation deck, taking in the view of earth and the stars they could see beyond the metal docking bay.

“My God, that’s amazing,” Vir said, shocked.

“I only started school last month, have a lot to catch up on, but when my uncle said he was taking his class up to the Harbaginer, I knew I had to tag along to say hi,” Nataly said.

Vir drew her close, “well, half-pint, when you finish, I’ll keep my word and have a spot here on board when you're ready. If that's still what you want,” he said.

“I’d love that, thank you!” Nataly said.

The remaindered of the afternoon was spent exploring the ship and meeting new friends.

————————-[~FIN~]———————

Note: Thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed.

Story one: https://nmjd1234isazombie.tumblr.com/post/612075760575971328/wish-upon-a-star

[theladyofspaceandtime]

Yeah Marian (or Marion, as it's spelled in RoS) nearly gets forced into a marriage a couple of times. Or, well, with de Belleme in Robin Hood and the Sorcerer I would say it's more like an excuse to get her to his castle so he could sacrifice her for Magic Ritual Stuff. But in Herne's Son she actually does get forced into a marriage, that's true.

And yeah RoS Marion is very much an action girl (in Witch of Elsdon she actually beats Robin up to convince him that she's no more a liability than any of the other outlaws). At the time I think that was somewhat new, having her be a part of the gang so to speak. She doesn't get to do a lot of the hand-to-hand fights and generally has no melee weapon, but she shoots as well as any of them. Or better even, maybe. At least in "Seven Poor Knights" in the beginning when the outlaws were sort of competing on who could shoot most accurately, she and Robin were the only ones of to hit the target. But on the other hand in actual fights they always hit the target when it matters, so that doesn't narratively count for anything.

I did get around to watching the first episode of BBC Robin Hood, too, and one sort of half-similarity I noticed is that Much is /definitely/ not the sharpest tool in the shed in either. I find it way more irritating in BBC RH, though. Dunno why. I guess it's just that in RoS Much is not so much stupid as just... well, naive, really, and inexperienced, and youngest of the group (the actor was the youngest, too, only 18 or so when they started filming the show). Whereas with BBC RH Much it's more like cliche comic relief character stupidity which for some reason really gets on my nerves sometimes.

With what you said about Robin and Guy's relationship in Robin of Sherwood... yeah, you're partly right. Keep in mind, RoS has two separate Robins, though (if you've done googling I think you'll probably have already found that out, right?) Gizzy is half-brother to Robert of Huntingdon, but not to Robin of Loxley. Robin of Loxley canonically has no biological siblings, but he was raised by Much's parents so they're basically brothers, the two of them. (Considering that I do find it funny that they have different enough accents that even I can hear it, and I'm not a native English-speaker and my accent ear is downright horrible.)

Fun fact, by the way: according to Kip Carpenter (who created the show and wrote almost all episodes), the reason Guy and Robin number two were revealed to be brothers is that the cast and crew of the show were at some party at one point, and someone pointed out to Kip how funny it was that the only two blondes in the room were Jason Connery and Robert Addie, who played Robin and Gisburne.

I find incredibly funny, by the way, that BBC went and made their Robin Hood both Robin of Locksley and the Earl of Huntingdon at once, and Robin of Sherwood had both Robin of Loxley and Robert of Huntingdon (although Robert wasn't the earl, just the earl's son and heir) as Robin Hood, but kept them separate characters. Like, my understanding is that most adaptations choose one of those two, but not these shows I Guess.

I'll have to admit that one thing that is going to take me some getting used to in BBC Robin Hood is how clean and kind of new everything looks. Like maybe the difference is just made by the sharper image of newer cameras, but like everything in RoS, even various noblemen's places, looks kinda rough around the edges, worn, lived-in. Like in Nottingham castle, there's straws scattered on the floor, servants hurrying somewhere in the background, an open fireplace in the center of the hall rather than on one wall or something, there's always some random items scattered about, and so on. Whereas my first impression of BBC Robin Hood's Nottingham Castle is... kind of like it's all new and shiny, you know? Everything's clean, in perfect condition and orderly, very few things have a look as if they'd been in use for a while.

And I feel like it shows even more with the lower class characters. Sure, their homes and their clothes are less impressive, less showy... but even the buildings don't really look that old, the clothes seem clean and straight as if recently ironed, and it doesn't look as if they've seen much use.

Compare Robin of Sherwood. The ordinary people's homes look kind of shaggy and while they're in good condition, they don't look as if they've been built yesterday, you know? And everyone's clothes, and that includes the outlaws (except Nasir whose clothes somehow always stay neat, but then again half the time Nasir's there mainly to look good so whatever), are kind of like... there's a little bit of stain in them, you might see some mended tears (in some episodes you can see the outlaws actually repairing their own clothes, too, I think) and patches, and frayed edges and such. They're still in good condition, obviously, but they've seen enough use that they no longer look new.

I'm not complaining, mind you, but it just feels weird because I'm not used to it. (So does the show starting by Robin returning from the Holy Land to find everything a mess, even though I think it's a fairly common way of starting Robin Hood stories. In RoS neither of them was at any point involved in the Crusade stuff.)

Yeah, BBC Robin Hood is known for not being accurate with the times when it comes to physical appearances, hence it’s contemporary edge. I mean, the costumes are kind of obvious with it: (Guy’s leather biker armor, Marian’s hair going from straight to curly as if by magic, and a good majority of the characters costumes in general. I could keep going.) And as you’ve pointed out, even some of the sets look as if they are perfectly neat. Despite taking place in the 12th century, they also allude to political things of the 21st century at times and use contractions not yet used in those times. I think they made it this way though to help adapt it to modern times when it came on in 2006 and keep it interesting for the kids (since it is still a kids show too.) It’s cheesy at times, and some things are just so damn obvious it hurts or makes you laugh, but that’s why I love this show. I think the costume department started to do a little better towards the middle of Season 2, but Season 3 is where they really shined with the more historically accurate costumes thanks to new costume designers. I can’t say anything different about the sets though XD.

As for Much, the writers sadly made him the Butt-Monkey a good majority of the time in the show. And it’s sad, cause I actually see a lot of wonderful potential with Much and adore his character as Robin’s former man-servant and best friend. I’m glad to see they have Much in ROS and like the idea of him being Robin’s foster brother. I will warn you that the writing for some characters may get to you at times (the fandom knows that all too well), but it’s still worth the watch. <3

And yes, they are two separate Robin’s which surprised me. In my previous reply, what I was talking about concerning Archer was if the show wasn’t canceled, the writers were planning to make Archer the new Robin (spoiler spoiler), so the two different Robin’s kind of reminded me of that along with the whole half-brother thing. I’ll probably find it a bit weird to get use to, especially since that was something I didn’t like about the Russell Crowe one, but I’ll get to that bridge when I get to it. :)

I love those little tid bits though about how the crew just sat together and was like: lets make the only blondes in the cast related, and bam, Gisborne/Huntingdon became half-brothers. Haha, nice! 

[badcowboy69]

hey uhh maybe go a little easy on social media this year? it seems like getting asks and likes and reblogs are a little too important to you, maybe go seek validation outside of the realms of tumblr instead of "calling out" an entire fandom and all of your mutuals? i mean well and i hope you're not hurt by this message

Nah, there is no other place around that I know of to post stuff that follows a certain fandom.  Besides here I’m on deviantart and that’s more than enough for me.  The few people there in my circle are great and that site really isn’t supposed to be as “social” as this place claims.  Calling out the fandom is prob something that should be done more as I see a lot of people tired of the awful jerks.  All the vast majority of the Fallout crew does is fight, bitch, complain and hate on each other lately.  Would you believe I honestly got told by someone a bit ago that I need to get over FNV and get current with the newer games.  Ummm…really?  Is it YOUR concern what I play or don’t play and are you going to shun my work if I don’t kick Vegas to the side?  I was told I’m old and outdated in that aspect. Wow, kind of a crappy thing to tell someone, especially when FNV is the same world/universe as Fo4.  

I guess I’m just a bit miffed that so called fans are always screaming at each other about the series.  Honestly, I never saw such horrible remarks in a fandom like I do Fallout.  I never saw such one sided things or hate.  Granted, other fandoms might be like that, but I don’t see it on my end, like, ever.  I follow Stardew Valley pages, Sims pages, Overwatch pages, Red Dead Redemption (one and two) pages, and so far NONE ever have the rank bs I see every single day from the Fallout fandom.  It’s really sad and pathetic really.  How can you be that way about a game?  I mean I don’t go around telling people they suck if they don’t like New Vegas or Red Dead anything etc.  If it makes them happy, why be a jerk?  Is that the way fans of a series or fandom should behave?  

As for the mutuals thing, ok, I will admit it was prob a bit “harsh” but at the same time it’s not without reason.  Take my recent issues for example.  I’m going through a bad mental time since before Thanksgiving.  There were points in time where it took all I had to get out of bed to try and accomplish something in the day no matter how small and meaningless.  I didn’t want that depression to cripple me like I know it’s done to a lot of people.  To try and keep my mind occupied I would post a general plea to my watchers to give me a hand or pick me up.  Send me an ask, send me a story, send me some good cheer.  How do you think it made me feel where my in box was empty for the entire day and week and now months?  However I see someone make a post sort of along the lines like “Oh no, I dropped the pot of spaghetti on the floor I was making for dinner!” and bam they get like fifty notes in support over their mishap.  Really?  People care more about food than a person that truly needs support?  Where were my fans when I needed them the most?  Sometimes all it takes is that one kind word from a stranger to help people out. 

I know people get busy, I get that and I understand that.  But it’s truly hurtful when you’re constantly overlooked, cast aside, or ignored.  I am not going to be deleting mutuals or things like that, but I truly am going to stop following a lot of sites for the simple fact they became too political.  I didn’t come here to hear the constant barrage about Trump or gosh knows what else.  I follow a person because of similar likes be it kitten pictures, goat videos, or gaming.  Then to have them turn around and be a constant cesspool of negativity and hate…well…who wants to follow that anymore?  Those are the main things I’ll be unfollowing. The negative sites that constantly bash people now for liking/disliking any of Fallout are going too.  I’ve seen people responding to asks by calling them assholes and other things simply because they didn’t share the same like/dislike/or opinion about the game and/or canon material.  Did your note hurt my feelings?  Not hardly, the cesspool of toxic waste the Fallout fandom has become is what hurt my feelings.

[awed-frog]

I know you said you'll still follow the show, reblog gifs, and finish the dcbb you're working on this year, but ahhh - I'm going to miss reading paragraphs and paragraphs of your detailed analysis! You're my favourite meta-writer, and I really looked forward to reading your opinions after each episode :) Although you probably won't be super active in this fandom, will you still write deancas fic in the future? Just for fun?

Hi, sorry I left this for a few days. Your message really cheered me up in a period that’s been hard for me - mostly for family issues, so thank you - thank you so much for all this.

As for my projects - the truth is, I don’t know what I want to do, and how I feel about it all. 

[Putting the rest of this under a cut because there’s some negativity there - the tl;dr version is, yes, I’ll keep writing fiction for now and I’m hoping to post the next big project in a couple of weeks or so.]

Right now I feel let down, mostly, and as I said, part of it has to with myself and who I am as a person (someone who gets in too deep and 100%, and that’s not necessarily good), but I’ve also been around long enough to be sure that part of it is the show itself. What mostly annoys me as a meta writer is the fact Supernatural won’t own up to the subtext it is so clearly embedding in its narrative. Some people still feel optimistic, and that’s great, but let’s remember that what they’re doing right now - that’s a pattern. We got to the point where their whole season arc doesn’t make sense without Destiel (that’s basically what happened with Amara), and their mirrors are so precise they’re basically blinding you (still not over that Colette thing), and yet at the end of the season, nothing happens and nothing has changed. I mean, even with all the goodwill in the world, it’s getting harder and harder for me to believe TPTB will act any different from all the others who’ve been there before (and here I’m thinking mostly about Merlin and Sherlock) - they saw there was something happening there, for whatever reason, or maybe they pushed it from the start, I don’t know, but at some point they decided that yeah, why not keep it going - but the truth is, they never meant to go through with it, because that’s not how it works - because bi people are not a thing, because your gay characters must be openly gay from the start, because a story about a gay man must have something to do with AIDS or whatever, because you can’t trick people into watching a vampire story and then BAM, surprise, motherfucker, it was actually a gay romance all along, because the most they can do is two people holding hands in the very last scene and nobody would be happy with that, so why bother? 

I’ve tried to force myself, for years, to believe there was no malice there, no sheer exploitation of people’s hunger for representaton, but I don’t know if I can anymore. If you look at the last two seasons, the pattern is exactly what it’s been for the previous seven: a lot of subtext (sometimes  stretching credibility), a lot of double speak and scenes that could be interpreted either way, incredibly romantic moments followed or preceded by stupid and/or out of character #NoHomo stuff, and, mostly, no textual confirmation of any kind that something is actually going on. Which, frankly, enough.

And it’s not about Destiel, either. I would be okay with this obsession to keep the show only about Sam and Dean if they actually told me what’s going on with them, because they’re such complex and interesting characters and I would love to spend more time with them, but really, it’s hit and miss there. For instance, during this season I have learned nothing new about Sam, and I’m not any closer to understanding who he is and what he wants. As for Dean, 90% of his character development happened in the season finale - while the work of deconstructing performing!Dean has been majestic at times, it often felt like an afterthought. And how is it possible that we barely heard them talk to each other about this extraordinary thing that’s happened to them? Your mother coming back from the dead - you’d think that would be the focus of, I don’t know, everything? - but, again, I’m not much closer to understanding what’s going on there than I was before. As for Mary herself, she never made much sense to me as a character (apparently the fact Sam was a vessel for Lucifer and John wasn’t exactly nice to his kids was still news for her after one full year? like, uh?) and I still don’t understand, exactly, what it is they wanted to do with her. Other times, the message was clear but the way they got there didn’t work for me - for instance, Crowley’s death was hurried and weird, and that whole Claire episode proved the very thing Claire was trying to disprove (ie, that no, she wasn’t ready to work on her own) and yet the final scene ignored basically everything that had happened in the previous forty minutes and just went with it. 

So, you see, there’s plenty of big and little things like that I’m annoyed about - and I get some of them have to do with the limitations of filiming a TV show (stuff about budget and whatever else I know nothing about), but when you see other episodes, well-made episodes, you realize they know how to do the thing and just don’t want to. 

Sometimes I think Supernatural, like Destiel, was never supposed to be a thing. This is not Game of Thrones or Westworld or True Detective - it’s not something they created to win awards and have people hold on to their souls for dear life and question their entire existences. It’s just - entertainment. It’s what the CW does, right? I don’t want to be snobby, but they didn’t make The Vampire Diaries or Beauty and the Beast or Gossip Girl so they could change the world (I sort of enjoyed all of those, so again - I’m not saying they’re bad shows - at all). Those are simply things that sell - stories featuring incredibly good-looking people doing reckless things, living on the edge and helping you take your mind off your mean teacher or annoying dad. That’s it. It’s all it is. The fact Supernatural became more than that, and came to mean so much to so many people - that was probably a perfect storm of things - Kripke’s was a story about the American Dream that came at just the right moment, the cast (in my opinion, especially Jensen) is really talented, the writers mostly know what they’re doing and so on. This is why I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that those episodes I don’t like - those are the norm. The masterpieces - they’re accidental - and not in the sense people don’t work hard on them, but in the sense the show was never supposed to be like that. 

So, I truly don’t know. I enjoy writing metas, and I’m slowly getting over the colossal disappointment that was the season finale, so, who knows - maybe by the time S13 airs, I’ll decide to go back to it. I don’t know. When I wrote that last meta, I was very emotional and absolutely furious, but feelings fade and change. What I will stop expecting, though, is for the narrative to follow any rules when they’re clearly trying to break them - and not in a good way. For instance, it truly made no narrative sense for Eileen to die, and it made no narrative sense for Toni to have a kid at all (or that she’d extract information from Sam by dream-raping him), or for Sam to break into that emotional King Arthur speech, or for Cas to die the way he did - and yet. So if I do start to write metas again, I’ll try to be more light-hearted about it and allow for ‘whateverness’, because apparently this is what we’re getting.

As for writing - I’ll always be grateful to this show and to the fandom for giving me my will to write back. I’m the kind of person who’s been working on a novel or a collection of short story or whatever else since primary school, but the last few years have been busy and adult and on and off traumatic, so I’d stopped completely, and this - this not writing, this living in a finite world, this drowning out of the voices in my head - this made me ache and shatter somewhere in my very soul. Writing stories again and getting feedback on them has been a joyful, liberating, crucial experience for me, and it has really helped me to make sense of myself as a person again. Plus, I really love these characters and feel there are so many things left unsaid - at this point, I couldn’t bear to leave them behind. My plans are to keep writing at least until the next DCBB, but if Supernatural will really finish in a season and a half, it’s possible I’ll keep posting the occasional coda during S13 and S14 as well. At the moment, I’m working on three big things - I think I’ll manage to finish them, and I truly hope you’ll like them, because, really - the friends I’ve made in the fandom, the messages I exchange with those who read my stories, all those taking the time to let me know they’ve kept reading all night long or something - it’s been so deep, so intimate and world-changing - a moving, incredible experience. I owe you guys so much, and that’s something I’ll not easily forget.

So, well, sorry for the novel - I guess I just wanted to say - I’m not leaving this story behind yet. I’ll just try to care a bit less and focus more on other things, but I’ll be around. Family don’t end with blood, and all that.