#and then because of my plan to finish at least 2 books in september ill have to read somethinf shott like a play i think
violentdevotion · 2 months
I love reading so much so I got a degree in English Literature but its not effortless for me. i won't read for long periods of time unless i sit down and force myself to do so. as much as i love reading i also love not using my brain. so my worst reading habit is i dog ear every chapter before i start a book so as im working my way through it i have a short term goal in mind and physical evidence of how much ive completed. and i think at face value that's a bad way to approach doing something you love but it's genuinely hard work sometimes to make myself read a book
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agirlinjapan · 4 years
Red Data Girl: My Wish on the Night of the Shooting Stars (Week 27)
Red Data Girl: My Wish on the Night of the Shooting Stars By Noriko Ogiwara A Translation
Miss the last piece? Read it here!
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Help me pay for my next translation project on Ko-fi.
I did it! This week I finished translating RDG 6! And with that, I’ve finished translating the RDG series! There’s a new book that came out last year, Ice Shoes, Glass Shoes, and I do plan on translating that, but it’s a book of short stories, not a seventh book in the series. Keep an eye out for more information on what I’ll be doing after RDG 6.
While I’m finished translating RDG 6, I still have another 100 or so pages of the book left to post here for you. I expect that I’ll be posting the last piece of the story sometime in early September. Until then, enjoy the last third of the book!
Red Data Girl: My Wish on the Night of the Shooting Stars By Noriko Ogiwara Chapter 4: Mizuho Part 1 (1 of 2)
The December closing ceremony was set for the 22nd.
Many of the students who lived far away would be leaving for home that day. However, Izumiko, Miyuki, and the Souda siblings had plans to stay at the school until the 25th. Miyuki had not forgotten the promise he had made to put something together for them and their friends to do so that Izumiko could dress up and Mayura and Manatsu had readily agreed to the suggestion as well.
However, something unexpected occurred the day before the closing ceremony. While gathered at one of the cafeteria’s white tables and just about to finish their lunch, Miyuki said, “I got an invitation to a party on Christmas Eve. It’s for all of us. Angelica’s putting it together at her home and she’s invited ten or so of her new friends. What do everyone’s plans look like?”
“What?! Her house in Paris?” Izumiko asked, the words coming out of her mouth before she could think about them.
Miyuki turned to look at her, his eyes disbelieving. “Yeah, right. There’s no way we could go there even if she invited us. Her father apparently has an apartment he rents in here in Tokyo. Here are your official invitations.”
Miyuki handed each of them an envelope. Their names had been written on them. The card inside, decorated with Christmas-y drawings, gave the date, time, and address. While Izumiko had been indeed invited to the barbeque at the Souda’s house that summer, this was the first time she had gotten a formal written invitation to a party. She stared at the card for some time, struck by its novelty.
“The address is in Minato-ku, the harbor district. Angelica’s dad really is rich just like she said then,” Mayura said with admiration. Then she looked towards Miyuki questioningly. “But why did she pass this information on through you? Were you talking to her about something? You’ve gotten awfully close to her lately, haven’t you?”
Izumiko immediately turned to look at Miyuki, taking in his expression at Mayura’s question. It was something she had wanted to ask about as well.
Miyuki, apathetic to their suspicion, denied the connection. “You’re wrong. It’s Claus I’ve been getting to know. He’s the one I got the information about the party from. Apparently, Claus mentioned to Angelica that you didn’t have fun at the school party, Izumiko, and that’s how we got the invitations. He also told me that most of the people who are invited are exchange students, but he knew you wanted another chance to dress up.”
Izumiko was quiet for a moment as she gazed at the invitation one more time. There were a lot of things she hadn’t experienced yet, including karaoke, going to a movie theater, and attending a party at a friend’s house to name a few. Going into the city just to have some fun was a big event for her.
“If the four of us are together, I’ll go anywhere…”
When Miyuki had promised to put together some other opportunity to celebrate Christmas, Izumiko had secretly imagined that he had been talking about a first date. After he had brought the suggestion up with Mayura and Manatsu though, she had felt a mix of disappointment and relief. With that said, Izumiko certainly felt the most at peace when the four of them were together. Now that she had friends as good as these, she was ready to try anything.
…But Angelica’s party feels a little like a trick.    
Manatsu didn’t seem to have much interest in going to the party. He was holding the invitation between two fingers and waving it back and forth like a fan as he said, “I like your first idea of going to see a movie better. Or just us going to karaoke. I really didn’t ask for anything boring like this.”
“Takayanagi isn’t one of those friends Angelica’s invited, is he?” Mayura asked quickly. She, unlike her brother, seemed interested in going.
Miyuki nodded. “I didn’t ask, but I’d say there’s a good chance of that.”
“Then, let’s not go… Or at least that’s what I want to say, but I really want to.”
Mayura leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs. “Angelica’s dad is the one who is came up with the idea of us coming together as a team to become the World Heritage Candidates, right? What do you think about that? Should we be grateful?”
“What are your thoughts on it, Mayura?” Miyuki asked instead. “That’s what I’d rather hear. Obviously, Izumiko and I will be grateful if none of this continues on beyond school. But you wouldn’t really understand that, would you?”
The bright winter sunlight shone through the big glass windows of the cafeteria. With the seating so near to those windows, it was practically like sitting in a sunroom. Seeing as exam days were only half days of class, the cafeteria was mostly empty. The space was quiet and comfortable, a far cry from what it always seemed to be like when it was packed with students arriving for lunch. Izumiko and the others were now basking in the calm. They had all taken off their uniform blazers, revealing their v-neck sweaters beneath.
Mayura looked around the room for a moment. Then she pushed her hair behind her shoulders and replied, “…That’s not true.  I had completely given up on becoming the World Heritage Candidate, so when I heard the chairman had said something like that, I was unexpectedly happy. I thought, ‘So they don’t think I’m useless. Isn’t it good that they changed their minds? I’ll be with Izumiko. It’s great that I’ll be in a position where I can protect her.’ When the shikigami started to attack at the party, all I could think about was how important it was to make sure she was safe.”
Izumiko was well aware that she would only ever be seen as someone who needed protecting. Just thinking about what might have happened if she had stayed in that dark place still made her stomach drop.
“It seems like there’s still a lot of things I don’t know about myself…” she said dejectedly. “I felt the dimension change during the party. I’m really sorry for being so useless.”
“If we’re talking about not knowing ourselves, then I’m a mystery too,” Mayura said, sounding caught up in her thoughts. “I started seeing shikigami out of nowhere, remember? Before, I could never make out the differences you described between them and humans.”
“Me too,” Manatsu added. “I can spot them a lot better than I could before. I have a theory. Maybe once the campus came under Izumiko’s control, this and that started changing little by little.”
“Like, the campus is changing to resemble the way Izumiko sees it?” Mayura cocked her head to one side and then said hesitantly, “I didn’t want to say this in front of Takayanagi before, but now that I can see the shikigami, I feel a lot better about them. I can’t think that they’re entirely bad anymore…”
“I didn’t think they were from the start. That’s why I said you were being too stubborn about them.”
Hearing her brother say this, Mayura lifted her chin primly. “We might disagree with the diviner when it comes to our opinions on using shikigami, but now it’s clear where we stand with him. That’s because now, everyone knows he’s not the best magic user on campus. I think it’s safe to say he never gives up though.”
Manatsu laughed and said off-handedly, “Think of the shikigami as Spot’s toys. Anyway, Masumi’s definitely more powerful than he is. And now that Izumiko’s forgiven Takayanagi, we can be on just as good terms with him as we are with Masumi. But have you noticed that since he started saying the school is his, it feels like a load has been taken off?”
“Oh. Now that you mention it, I have noticed that. I haven’t needed as much sleep.”
Mayura stared at him. The day after the party, both she and Izumiko had gone about their day completely normally with no ill effects despite everything that had happened.  
“Something’s definitely different,” she said. “Is it what you mentioned before?”
Miyuki, who hadn’t said anything until this point, opened his mouth and said thoughtfully, “Takayanagi said that the goddess can alter the flow of magic from its origin and amplify it. Maybe that’s what’s different. Speaking of becoming a team, I still don’t know how I feel about it, but I heard what you had to say, Mayura, Manatsu, and it sounds like we need to talk things out more before we make any decisions. We’re not just dealing with divine spirits and ghosts here. We’re all people who are being affected by living inside of the goddess’s barrier.”
Izumiko’s heart lightened as she thought of what Hodaka had said to her during their last meeting.
President Hodaka said everything in this world shares the same roots. Humans are just one part of a greater picture. But humans are a big part of nature…
Manatsu smirked, saying, “I guess we’d become Team Goddess. That sounds good. Team Goddess. It sounds like fun to me.”      
Izumiko laced her fingers together and brought them up to rest in front of her chin. “I’m going to do my best to make sure there aren’t any negative effects and adjust any magic I’ve put in place if need be. I also need to take advice from more people so that I’m not alone or wondering what needs to be done. I’ve become much more conscious of what I should be doing than I was before. So, please let me stay with all of you.”
Mayura reached out a hand and lightly smacked Izumiko’s stiff arm.
“Easy there. You jump to conclusions so quickly. We’re all in the same boat here. Takayanagi’s still kind of a problem, as is Angelica and everyone she’s connected with.”
At Mayura’s words, Miyuki quickly looked away and rested one elbow on the back of his chair. Then he gazed out the window for a minute before finally saying, “It definitely won’t be hard to come to a compromise. Ascetic monks, diviners, and ninjas all have the same ancient, Japanese roots and we all know that already. It’s just because of the situation surrounding the adults that our backers and Takayanagi’s backers haven’t joined forces. But if we can work together here at the academy, those adults might end up working together, too.”
“What about Angelica and her father? Are you suggesting that we should feel grateful for their offer?” Mayura asked.
“So that’s going to be the attitude that people working with the goddess adopt, huh?” Manatsu picked up the invitation he had placed on the table and looked at it again. “I guess we should go to this party to see what Angelica and her family really want then, right? If that’s the plan, I’ll go too.”
Miyuki looked at Manatsu, his expression somewhat strange, but then readjusted his position in the chair and turned his attention to Izumiko.
“What do you want to do, Izumiko? If you have a bad feeling about this, you can decline.”
Izumiko wondered why Miyuki had turned his head away before. It had looked as if he hadn’t wanted Mayura to see his expression. She realized that he hadn’t said one word about his own thoughts on the party. Izumiko suspected that he had kept his mouth shut because he wanted to go to Angelica’s party.
For some reason, it was because of this, not because she had a bad feeling about the party, that she didn’t want to attend. Even Manatsu was going to the party, so Izumiko didn’t have any reason to decline.
Her mind decided, she opened her mouth and said, “Let’s accept the invitations and see what happens at Angelica’s party.”
Accepting her report card from her homeroom teacher, Izumiko returned to her seat and nervously peered at what was written on it. Her body immediately began to shiver as a rush of accomplishment she had never experienced before washed over her.
Yes!... I did it!
Her results on the end of term exams had ranked her tenth in the grade.
However, her true excitement wasn’t due to her high rank. If she was feeling this pleased with her grades, she would have an excuse to openly thank Miyuki for his hard work and give him the Christmas present that was currently hidden in her bag.
When Izumiko had gone out shopping with Mayura for an outfit and jewelry, she had also bought Christmas presents. Seeing as she had had plenty of spending money from Sawa left over after buying the clothes, she had been able to buy a lot.
Mayura had given her an important piece of advice. At this point, she shouldn’t buy anything expensive for anyone. Doing so would only make the recipient feel badly.
“Don’t go crazy,” she had said. “Something little is good. For example, get something that’s unique and will make them smile or something they can use.”
She had gotten her grandfather, Takeomi, a paperweight, and Sawa a kitchen gadget. Both gifts had been unique, but easy to pick out. However, it had been harder to find a good present for Miyuki seeing as she didn’t know what he liked. At a loss of what to pick, she had eventually chosen gloves. She had gotten the feeling that if she had chosen a hat or scarf for him, he would still keep using the ones he already had. All the same though, she still wasn’t sure if he would like her present either.  
Originally, she had planned to give the gloves to Miyuki during the Christmas party and pretend she had gotten them as a store freebie or something along those lines. However, she had missed her chance and had been carrying them around ever since. Throughout that time, the present had begun to feel more and more boring to her. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to give them to him anymore.
As she thought about this, Mayura appeared at the door to Class 1-C and waved to her. Izumiko’s braids bounced behind her as she quickly got up and went to meet her friend.
“How did you do, Izumiko?” Mayura looked calm, but she had a satisfied smile on her face. “I got ranked number one. Miyuki’s number two, and Takayanagi’s number three.”
“You’re amazing, Mayura! You did exactly what you said you would.”
When Izumiko clapped for her, Mayura added with no embarrassment whatsoever, “They compiled the rankings only using the grades from our core classes. I’m not going to say this to many people, but that meant that Takayanagi couldn’t throw his weight around to get a better rank. What did you get, Izumiko?”
“I’m ranked tenth.”
“What? That’s a huge jump! That makes you way more amazing than me!” Mayura sounded genuinely surprised and her voice rose to show it. Realizing they weren’t in the best place to be exclaiming over grades, she lowered her voice and said, “It’s because you managed to fill in that gap you had in math, right? Was it worth all that extra studying you did?”
“Yeah, for sure.” Izumiko nodded.
An unusual expression crossed Mayura’s face as she looked at her. “Today, Manatsu and I are going to have a serious talk about the importance of schoolwork. I’m hoping he’ll take on a different attitude after it.”
Izumiko blinked, but kept her gaze on Mayura’s face. When she looked into her friend’s eyes, she understood exactly what she was telling her. Usually Manatsu failed most of his exams.
“I think Miyuki’s already on his way to the student government room. Go tell him thanks.”
Keep reading!
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hangonimevolving · 4 years
Craft Therapy
Between my dad’s illness, my uncle’s death, and some other random adulting I’ve had to do, the last few weeks have brought much stress, anxiety, grief and loss.  But curiously, they’ve brought great pleasure too.  Different people have different responses to crises.  I have come to recognize that my natural crisis response is to be flooded with a ton of creative energy, and a strong impulse to put things in order, plan, organize, execute, and analyze.  I also feel this almost manic urge to make myself useful to those who need help, and to be a source of comfort, calm, and assistance to those whose grief response is to fall apart, curl up, and have limited function.  There are probably some drawbacks to my way of handling grief - but at least for this phase of life, I’ve focused on using my natural response as an asset, or at least as a productive impulse, to tackle some events that were both planned and unplanned in our lives.
My dad’s whole ordeal took us from late August through mid-September.  I had been brainstorming and contemplating the kids’ Halloween costumes and my annual Trunk or Treat theme for weeks at that point, but once I returned from NOLA following Dad’s surgery, I knew it was time to spring into action.  The kids had selected their costumes way back over the summer, and amazingly they hadn’t deviated from their original ideas.  Vev wanted to be a blue whale, and Dey had stated a wish to be a lobster.  So it was clear to me that our family appeared to be gravitating towards ocean life as a costume theme this year.  Therefore, I decided my Trunk or Treat theme would reflect this preoccupation, and I titled our trunk “Discover the Sea!”.  
Then it came time to start costume planning and construction.  This took the necessary trips to Joann’s, to procure fabric and supplies....
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... then a pattern was sketched out for the whale costume, using brown packing paper salvaged from an Amazon Prime shipping box.
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Fabric was cut, pieced, and then sewn together...
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Then began the process of strategizing batting and foam.
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Flippers were created....
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... and then inner lining fabric was procured, cut, and sewn, to make the two sides of the whale.  Each side became like a “pillowcase,” into which the foam could be inserted.
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Oh, and prior to foam going in - I top-stitched some lines by hand, using embroider floss, to make the stripes and striations on the whale’s underbelly, similar to what a blue whale has.
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*This project entailed WAY more hand-sewing than I usually do!  It was quite an education.  My thumbs still ache sometimes, weeks later, when I think about it!
Speaking of hand-sewing - it was time to make eyes for the whale.  I purchased a few sets of doll eyes from Amazon, and used these along with a hot glue gun, fabric, batting, and foam balls, to create a set of realistic (but maybe sorta creepy) eyes for the whale.  
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Hand-sewing those eyes, with the eyelids, and then sewing them onto the whale, were both significant undertakings.  I’m surprised at myself!  
I didn’t photograph this next process very well, which is a shame, because it was also a new and challenging undertaking.  But for these costumes, I decided to work with craft wire for the first time.  I was using batting and foam to give the costumes three-dimensionality and texture, but I was concerned about the shape, and ensuring that certain parts of the costumes - specifically, the tails, for both whale and lobster - would be positionable in a cute way that would help people recognize what time of animals they were.  So, I bought this 3 mm craft wire off of Amazon:
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And using a pair of wire cutters/pliers that I owned, I go to work making an “endoskeleton” for my whale, that involved two big oval “ribs” in the sides of the whale for support, that each fed into the fins of the tail to help them stay upright and give them shape.  After feeding the wires through the body and tail, I stuffed the tail full of foam and batting, then hand sewed it to the whale body.  I sewed on nylon webbing for straps, and the end result looked like this.
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Not bad, eh?  
Then it was time to get cracking on the lobster costume.  Funny - for frame of reference with time, I started the whale on October 3, and finished on October 22.  Obviously, there were many disruptions to my work schedule in that time, including not one, but two trips to New Orleans, and a boatload of grieving.  But the result was, I had only about a week to get the lobster costume done.  So I was motivated.
Cutting began:
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Then the batting and backing stages were undertaken, to make a simple apron of sorts:
Then came the creation of legs, which took WAYYY longer and was WAAAYYY harder than I thought it would be!  Using both sewing techniques to create casings, and the craft wire idea I’d had from before, I managed to make 8 of these bad boys in the end.  It was painful, though.
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The result were eight tapered, but bendable/shapable legs.  These legs would need to be attached to the inner surface of the apron, and I confess I probably didn’t do as elegant a job of this as I could have - specifically, I could have made the legs, then sandwiched them between my apron layers, but I didn’t - I ended up hand-stitching them to the inside layer, which is considerably less professional, but oh well.  
Then I decided to create a hood for the costume, upon which eyes and antennae would be fitted.  This was yet another new venture for me; I’d never made a hooded garment before (I’ve hardly ever sewn garments in the first place).  I used a double layer of heavy-duty fusible interfacing to give the hood some stiffness and structure, and also to bear the weight of the eyes, which I constructed in a similar fashion to the whale eyes.  
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I used a braided triple-strand of red pipe cleaners as the antennae, and created a makeshift grommet to hold them in place on the hood through a reinforced hole that I made with my KAM snap awl.  The result:
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Then came the construction of the lobster tail.  I was actually pretty pleased with how this came out.  I made a fatter, puffier, and segmented version of the “pillowcase” using a pattern for a lobster tail that I sketched out on packing paper again.  I also made a pattern for the final “fan” of the tail, and used fabric with several layers of craft interfacing to make that the appropriate texture and stiffness.  
Like with the whale tail, I gave the lobster tail a craft wire “endoskeleton” that coudl be bent into an optimal curled shape if desired.  I didn’t bend either costume too much prior to the day of Halloween, because I didn’t want the wire to get too soft - but on the day of, I took the chance and went for it, and the results were awesome!  
An especially fun detail with this costume is, I was using a shiny stretch material for the red portions, as well as a matte jersey red fabric, just for visual interest - but for certain areas (the underbelly of the lobster, the underside of the tail, etc.), I had this synthetic, scaly, faux crocodile-esque peach fabric that really looked cool.  
Anyway, here’s the tail:
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Oh - and the lobster tail was detachable.  I used KAM snaps and my snap press to make some sockets on the apron, and studs on the tail, so that it could be removed.  Reason?  There is NO way Dey could sit in this costume at school with the tail on :)  So I had to come up with a creative solution so that his entire school day, he wouldn’t have to be standing up like a horse!
The final stage of this costume was to make lobster claws, or “snappers,” as Dey called them.  I knew he’d be irritated if they went over his whole hand, like a mitten, so I did some strategizing and came up with a way for him to wear them on the backs of his hands, while keeping his hands free.
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And presto!  I was done!  Here are some “day of” pictures.  I splurged and ordered both kids solid color t-shirts and bottoms from Primary, to be worn under the costumes:
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I had an internal deadline for completion of the lobster costume as October 27, which would have given me a relaxed three days to work on my Trunk or Treat trunk and really enjoy the process.  
Yeah, that deadline came, and it %^ing went.  Fast-forward to me scrambling to finish the lobster costume on October 28th, then 29th, amidst numerous technical difficulties, jammed bobbins, and cursing while sitting at my sewing machine.  This was my view all day, everyday, in the week prior to Halloween:
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(feeling murderous)
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I managed to do a little bit of detail work on my Trunk here and there during breaks from sewing, but the majority of the trunk was put together on October 30th (and the wee hours of October 31st).  The stages of preparation for my “Discover the Sea” trunk were as follows.
1.  Acquire materials.  Most of what I used for this trunk was salvaged from crap I had at home, or purchased at my local Dollar Tree.  I spent $44 at Dollar Tree, which in my book is kind of like saying I spent $600 in one shot at the grocery store :)  Its kind of a lot of money to spend at a store where everything is a dollar.
If you’re wondering - this is what $44 of goods looks like in the Dollar Tree checkout line:
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A few things were bought at Walmart, and I did purchase a can of spray foam insulation from Home Depot.  The total expenses on this trunk were my most to date of any trunk I’ve designed: about $75.  Again, this is probably the last year I’ll ever do this (sniff) so I decided to go out with a bang.
2.  I had a rough vision of my trunk from the get go - I wanted a blue background, with a number of coral reefs in the foreground, and some strands of seaweed framing it all.  I wanted a number of schools of colorful fish swimming about the coral, too.  My vision of coral reefs included a brain coral, and I had a random idea about how to make one.  I was worried that in case it didn't work out, I’d need time to either brainstorm another method, or time to adjust to my vision without the brain coral - so the creation of the brain coral was one of the first things I did.
Ingredients for a brain coral:  dollar store rubber ball, tube of inexpensive silicone caulking from Walmart or Home Depot.  A box or something to hold the ball steady while you’re working.  And down the line - a can of spray paint in a coral reef-y color of your choice.
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After making my brain designs on the ball, I knew it would need to cure at least 24 hours before painting - so I set to making the next most time-consuming element of the trunk: the fish.  Using some fish shape templates that I found for free on google and printed, and a stack of craft foam in different colors, a pack of adhesive google eyes and a little tub full of leftover fabric paint from some bygone project, I made about 5-6 long strands of 5-6 fish each.  I had angelfish, parrotfish, seahorse, jellyfish, and sea turtles of various sizes and color schemes.  After cutting out, painting, and allowing these items to dry, I stuck them onto lengths of invisible fishing line (ha! the irony) to be used in the trunk.
3.  Then it came time to assemble some of the coral reefs.
This started with the preparation of several cardboard boxes I’d been saving for the occasion (courtesy of Amazon Prime deliveries).  I filled each box partway with some cheap gravel from Home Depot, so that they’d be weighed down a little and not blow over in the wind...(messy work)
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Then I taped the boxes shut, and on some, hot-glued dollar store floral foam on top in strategic places:
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covered them with either brown packaging paper, or some gold glittery wrapping paper from the dollar store.
Then came making the coral.  Thanks to a number of awesome tutorials on Pinterest and Youtube like this one, I turned this...
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Into these....
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4.  I had corals, I had fish, but I feared I might need a few extra doodads to fill in blank spaces... so I employed my children’s help with a stack of dollar store coffee filters and cupcake liners, as well as more google eyes, to make some clams and oysters.  A pack of dollar store pearlescent christmas ornaments served as pearls in the clams’ mouths.  I also blew up some various shades of blue balloons to various sizes, to be used as “bubbles” in the ocean water, just in case I had dead space in the trunk tableau that needed filling.
5.  My spray foam insulation corals!  I almost forgot.  A $3 can of spray foam insulation, some bamboo skewers I had laying around the kitchen, plus some waxed paper laid on the grass, resulted in these:
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 6.  I mentally prepped and kept ready the misc supplies I’d need on day-of:  sea-colored backdrops, courtesy of blue metallic disposable tablecloths; dollar store Christmas garlands to serve as seaweed.  Several long bungee cords to use as “belts” around my car’s lift gate, for securing the backdrops and fish strands in place.  And, of course, the toolbox of Trunk or Treat, which includes: scissors, masking tape, scotch tape, staplers, pins, etc.  I also borrowed a few of my kids’ ocean-relevant toys, like Vev’s stuffed animal octopus, Dey’s stuffed animal hammerhead shark, etc. to be placed in empty areas of the trunk and give it more marine life.
7.  I told myself this year I wouldn’t need to trouble myself with making a big sign for my trunk.  I have a small cute wood-framed chalkboard, and I used colored chalk to make a sign that said “Discover the Sea” with some cute cartoony art around it.  But - of course, at the last minute, I found myself making a sign garland with a pretty font and eye-popping colored craft foam, to give the whole thing a polished look.  It was my swan song after all.... again, had to go out with a bang.
Anyway.  SO.  How’d it turn out?  I think fairly well.
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I think it came out amazing.  I was really proud of it.  
Trunk or Treat is NOT a contest, there were no prizes handed out for trunks, and its all in good fun.  But for me, making this look awesome was not about impressions to other people.  I DESPERATELY needed something to look forward to, something to throw myself into, and something to make myself feel good, after a shitty few weeks.  Every time I look at these pictures, I smile.  I am really happy at how our trunk turned out, and I’m happy that when I look back on this season of my kid’s young childhood, I’ll remember one really fun and validating experience, and not only the heartbreaking challenges and losses that we faced this year.  
Another happy thing that emerged from our trunk - one of the teachers, Ms. K, who teaches for the 4-6 year old classroom, is going to be doing a huge project this spring where she decorates her entire classroom like an ocean scene.  She wants to do sort of a class skit on the story of “The Rainbow Fish,” a popular children’s book.  She really loved our trunk, and when she told me about her plan, I was SOOOO happy to tell her right away that when the time comes, I will gladly donate EVERYTHING I made for this trunk to her.  It would give me so much pleasure and satisfaction to know that the hours of labor I put into making these coral reefs will go on to be used in another setting, for the kids’ benefit.  I hope that we can make it work out!
Anyway.  So, this was it - my Trunk or Treat SWAN SONG!  I have enjoyed every year that I’ve participated in this event, and am very grateful that this year, the experience could be therapeutic and uplifting.  I’ll post a briefer entry next with a retrospective of Halloween costumes I’ve made for my kids, as well as side-by-sides of my trunks over the years.  I also look forward to sharing the crafting projects I’ve been cooking up in the weeks since Halloween - there are a few!  
Here’s to craft therapy.  Love it, love it, love it.
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5hinexo-blog · 5 years
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genre: alternate universe (fluff, some angst)
pairing: Reader x Chanyeol
wordcount: 11.5 k
warnings: none
summary: You're stuck alone in Florence during summer holiday. Enzo (the friendly neighbor) and 3 EXO members are forcing (?) themselves into your life. Also, there’s the pretty boy who eventually falls for you, but of course there are things (people?) that stand in your way. What could happen next? Can you make this summer fall out of the ordinary or are you just going to pity yourself with a Nutella jar and a good Netflix show?
A/N: So... i wrote this back in September last year. Back then, people didn’t really give me feedback on it so i just stopped writing the story. It was originally a series but now i just put everything in one huge one shot, because i didn’t want to make several posts for it. If this time people actually enjoy reading this fic, i will continue it :D
my masterlist
It was raining hard. Mid-summer season had blessed you with a short storm, thunder and lightning surrounding your senses. You sighed as you stepped out of the university into the hot, humid wheather, unhappy about the day you had. A day that wasn't even over yet. You put your backpack over your head and started walking toward your apartment.
Why were you in school when in was the summer holiday? You signed up for a summer course just because you wanted to have something to do during holiday season. All your friends were in their home towns so you decided to stop with the mourning and do something about it. Your family wasn't really a healthy one and spending 2 months with them didn't sound that pleasant at all. So you were stuck here, in a rainy Florence in the middle of the summer. With nothing to do but a stupid course you already regretted signing into. One that was somewhat hard and it wasn't at all what you expected from a music summer course.
You didn't have that much to walk, so 15 minutes passed and you were now searching for your keys. Your wet long hair kept getting stuck to your face so angrily you threw your backpack down and tried to pull a ponytail out of the mess that your hair was now. When you bend down to keep the search going, your neighbor Enzo yelled, coming from the car he just parked 'Y/N I have keys, stop struggling!'
You smiled, he knew you well enough. Or maybe he just stood there, in his car, laughing at you for like 5 minutes. Either one were equally valid. He was a good friend, but nothing happened between you because you weren't his type. His gender type. He was a proud 23 y/o homosexual Italian searching for a boyfriend.
'Always a damsel in destress. Dear, you need to step out of your books and go out there to find your prince.'
'Nah, I'm fine with a Harry Potter novel and a huge bowl of Nutella in my lap. I don't need a boyfriend, less likely a prince.'
'You may say so, but I know you better.' He winked at you as you started to walk up the stairs. 'That's why I come with good news. Go dry yourself up, you'll get wet when you hear me out. Come visit me after.' He entered his apartment leaving you there.
This man and his happy spirit. You were so lucky to have a neighbor like him. So far from home, you were lonely at the beginning but he forcely stepped into your introverted space and that's how you became friends. He was a loud extrovert, but he always there for you. From sugar emergencies to study buddy when you were ill. Even though he was just watching movies while you were studying, you appreciated it. He was there for you, and so were you for him. But you weren't necessarily best friends, more like really friendly neighbors both away from home.
You entered your plain apartment, dried yourself and you were now ready for some gossip. You knocked on his door, and his brunette head came out from a side of the door, trying to hide his body. 'Wait a second, I'm naked.' Of course he was. You stood there laughing for 2 minutes until he decided to open up.
Both of you went into his kitchen, and sat down as he lighted up a cigarette.
'So listen to this. You know Sung Min, my best friend from college. His childhood friend is coming here for fun and entertainmen and he's also bringing some of his friends with him. Apparently they are all some huge stars back in Korea. He said there's like 8 or 9 of them in the group.' He started laughing. 'No no you won't have that many options, only 3 of them are coming here.'
'Hmmm, interesting.' You said whispering,  more to yourself. 'But how am I involved in any of this?'
'My friend said that they wanted to taste the real Italy so they decided to stay somewhere humble in the city not at some fancy hotel. So of course I offered, since I have a spare room. There's one of them going to live right here, under your nose! Here's your chance, I'm telling you. This is exactly what you need.' He said, strongly pointing his finger in the table to make his statement more important. You were looking at him with your eyes wide opened.
'What are you talking about? I don't even know them and I can already hear you planing my wedding in your head ! Stop' you shook your head in disagreement. Hell no. You were fine with your chill life. Even though it was way too chill without your friends around.
'Okay but listen to this now. They're coming here tonight! So I said I'll take them out to eat some real Italian food and then we'll go clubbing.' You were done with his shit. 'I know I know you don't like clubbing . That's why I told them we are going to eat first. There's when you come in.' He said looking at you with his blue eyes.
'I'm leaving.' You said getting up. 'I have a new Netflix series to catch on so if you need me for any of your normal desires you know where to find me.'
'Be ready at 7. And wear something cute!' He said shouting as you shut his door.
Did he really think you'd say yes? You already had a shitty day, you didn't need his drama. It was merely 3pm but it was still raining so the sky was darker than usual. After you ate the lasagna leftovers from your order of last night, you started to think what tv series to watch. When you finished your mental debate between '13 reasons why' and 'famous in love', you said out loud '13 reasons why it is'.
You decided to take your laptop on the balcony to hear the rain as background music, leaving the door wide opened for some fresh air to enter the living room. You sat in the rocking chair with your laptop on the little table next to it and started your marathon.
A loud knocking woke you up. Apparently you had fallen asleep there, rocking your chair. You let own a yawn and went to open the door. Lorenzo's talking woke you up for good. 'Why aren't you ready?? I have a good looking young man downstairs waiting for you!' Was it 7 already? Ah, is not like you planned on going anyway.
'I'm not coming.'
'Why not? Come on, it'll be fun.'
'I just-'
He cut you off, 'No more. You owe me one.' He said shaking his finger in front of you.
Your face fell and your mouth opened so wide it almost touched the ground. 'What?'
'You owe me one for when I got you out of that date with the ugly dude. I pretended to be your boyfriend. You accidentally saw me, came to me in the middle of the street and shouted <no it's not what it looks like>. I played your game and you'll play mine. Wear the most shocking dress you have baby, because we're also going clubbing tonight.' He winked at your frozen expression. 'We'll be in the living room, you don't have to knock.' He said and left.
After you washed the shook away from your face, you put on a slight make-up. It wasn't exactly your thing to wear make-up but you did owe him one. The boy he mentioned was a nerd, just like you. He wasn't ugly, not for you at least. The date was going fine until he started talking about his ex, clearly he wasn't over her yet. You tried your hardest to help and to pay attention but he just kept going. You knew the entire relationship history as he talked non-stop for an entire hour. When you saw Enzo on the street you acted instantly, just wanted out of your date. You didn't keep in touch with the dude, of course. You hoped he was over his ex-lover and forgot about you as well.
You tried on your little black dress, the resistance piece from your wardrobe. You analyzed yourself in the mirror and you were content with yourself. Your long hair was down on your shoulders as the dress you wore had an empty back. You turned around a bit and you saw all your curves were accentuated. It wasn't indecent, only half of your back was left for seen. The dress covered just enough of your legs, to let the red stilettos attract all the attention. You picked up your bag from the bed and locked the door ready to give your best. The game was on.
You opened his door and went inside. You took a deep breath to calm yourself down and you opened the other door to the living room. There he was, the Asian guy. He was really tall, even taller than Enzo. Your neighbor came fast to give you a short hug and he then introduced you to this man who was staring at you from head to feet.
'Y/N, Chanyeol. Chanyeol, Y/N' he said, waiting for you to shake hands. Instead, Chanyeol got up and kissed the back of your hand, looking at you with sharp eyes.
'Pleasure to meet you, Y/N' he said, staring straight into your eyes.
'Well now, it's time to go. Didn't you say your other friends are waiting for us in the old center?' Enzo said, his energetic side showing up as he speed talked to Chanyeol.
'They said something about an old bridge?' He asked, looking at both of you being confused about the location.
'I know the area but we should still call a cab though. It's quite far away, so we can't walk there.' You said, and started to search for your phone to call in a taxi.
Enzo was sitting in the front seat of the cab, leaving you and Chanyeol to stay behind. You didn't really get to talk to him yet, but hell, how much you wanted to. There was something different about him. You could see he was famous from his posture. Even in this small cab he was staying with his back straight, and had an dominant vibe coming out of his facial expressions. He was looking at the buildings you surpassed, clearly the Florence flavour was catching his eye. In the meantime, you were admiring him. His curly dark brown hair contrasted hard with his white t-shirt, and the dark blue jeans were followed down by a pair of white converse. He didn't strike as a insanely rich idol man, but his Rolex gave him away. That thing alone was more expensive than your rent, food and money for 3 months.
You opened your mouth to talk to Chanyeol but Enzo's words interrupted you before you even got the chance to ask anything. He said that you had arrived at your destination. The three of you started walking towards Sung Min, Enzo's best friends and 2 other men, who were waving at Chanyeol from the other side of the road. As you crossed the street you were welcomed by a warm 'hello' from Sung Min and  from the strangers.
'Hey, Sehun, what's with that face again? What's up?'
So the tall guy with a sad expression was Sehun. He didn't seem that happy to be here.
'You were 30 minutes late and I'm starving, can we just go?' He then saw you standing behind Enzo and looked at you like Chanyeol did when you met him. 'Ah sorry, where are my manners. I'm Oh Sehun, and this is Kim Jongin' He said, introducing his friend as well. You shook hands with both of them.
'Sorry we were late' I didn't want to come. 'It was my fault, I wasn't ready.'
'It's okay' Jongin said speaking for his friend. 'Excuse Sehun, he has a thing for food.' You smiled at him.
Sung Min was talking to Enzo about the place you were going to eat at, discussing-fighting about which route to take.
'I know a short line, i can walk us over there in not time.' You said with confidence. All those days you spent wandering the streets in your first year of uni were paying you pack now.
'Sure, just go up front and we'll all follow you.' Enzo showed you his famous smirk.
'Hahaha' You said faking your laughter, starting walking in the right direction. Sehun and Chanyeol came next to you and the rest of the boys stayed behind as all of you didn't fit in the small sidewalk. You thought about some conversation starters that weren't cringe worthy, but Chanyeol saved you before your social awkwardness appeared.
'I really love Florence from what i've seen by now. It's all really fascinating. Are you from here?'
'No actually I'm from Bari.' He had no idea where that was. 'It's in the South of Italy, right next to the Adriatic Sea'.
'Ah, how did you end up here then?'
'I've been in love with this city ever since i was little and i wanted to leave my hometown'
'I can understand why, it's magical here. It makes me feel like i'm in a movie or something'
Sehun's stomach growl made you turn to your left to look at him. You felt so bad you were late, the poor guy was starving.
'We're almost there' You said, trying to stop looking at his red cheeks. He was tall and beautiful. Actually, he looked like a model. He was wearing a black T-Shirt with a V neck, a black pair of ripped jeans and black shoes. He was dressed all black, including his hair colour.
Sehun spoke now, 'I'm sorry.' He was talking about his stomach. 'Tell us more about the city until we get there. I'm interested to learn more about it. What places we should visit to feel like we're residents here?'
'Maybe i can be your guide sometimes this week, i'll hapily be the one who shows you around. There are many places you should visit, but first you should still start with the main attractions like Galleria Uffizi, Santa Maria Novella, the Medici Palace. You don't want to miss those.'
He looked at you with a puzzled phase, 'I think it's better if you just help us out. I'm already feeling a little bit lost' He let out a small laugh, 'I really don't want to leave anything unseen before we leave and i'm sure Jongin feels the same.'
'So do i!' Chanyeol entered the conversation again.
'We're here' You said, happy that Sehun would get to eat soon.
All of you stopped to wait for the other 3 boys, as they were a little behind you. Enzo came and entered first, as you had a reservation.
You sat in the private area, away from the crowd that usually frequented this place. Enzo was offering advice to the foreign visitors about what food they should order, his culinary taste was indeed amazing. The restaurant was big, and everything was made out of wood. The lights were dimmed to create a romantic atmosphere. Your table was rectangular and it had 3 seats on each of the longer sides, leaving the shorter ends unoccupied. You, Enzo and Sung Min were on one side, the other 3 boys oppositely to each of you.
'So Y/N, what are you planning to eat?' Chanyeol said, looking at you from across the table.
'I think i'll go with tagliatelle bolognese, i really love ragu'
'Hmm' he hummed, still looking at the menu undecided.
When the waitress came to pick up the order, all of you ordered something different. Chanyeol was still looking at the menu and his turn came. He closed it angrily saying 'I'll just have what Y/N is having.'
Okay, that was awkward.
'So, where do you want to go after?' You asked Enzo and Sung Min.
'We should try that rooftop party from The Bronze, I heard it's going to be sick' Sung Min said, and Enzo nodded aggressively.
'That's the place.' Enzo was surely looking for action tonight.
'So, Enzo, where did you learn so much about the Italian culinary culture? You surely knew what you were talking about earlier.' Jonging said, looking at Enzo with glowing eyes.
'Erm' Enzo was getting a little bit shy and tried to push the feeling away by running his fingers through his hair. ' I was the main chef on a 6 month cruise. I mean, I started as helping assistant but they saw my potential and I was promoted in like 2 months as the chef.'
'Nice man, congrats. It's not something little for you to actually get to be a chef. Our friend from back home, Kyungsoo, is trying his hardest for quite some time now but he never got the chance to go this big' Jongin said looking at Enzo with carefully. Like he was searching for something in his eyes.
'Yeah, he started off by cooking for us. He used to cook so bad, not even God knows what he did put in there' Sehun laughed and continued, 'But we all ate it so he won't give up.'
'What a kind gesture.' You said.
The boys drinks arrived. All of them ordered wine, only you and Chanyeol had water standing in front of you.
'You don't drink?' He said, looking at you with amusement in his eyes.
'Not usually. You?'
'Me neither.' He smiled at you, little wrinkles appearing on his face as he did a weird thing with his nose.
After a little more chatting, your food had arrived. It all looked incredible and it's smell was like heaven to your nose. Hmmmm... Italian food was your favourite. You wouldn't trade it for anything. You started eating in silence, enjoying the dinner.
The summer breeze hit you hard in the face as you stood at the edge of the rooftop looking at the beautiful city in front of you. You had a non-alcoholic cocktail in your hand and a happy Sehun next to you, who was trying to convince you to taste his cocktail. He just had his first Aperol Spritz and was completely over his head by how good it was.
'Come on Y/N, just try it'
'I've told you like 100 times, I don't like alcohol. And anyway, I've tried it before' You didn't like alcohol anymore, you remembered your crazy sophomore year, you definitely tasted every alcohol off the market.
'Then let's dance for a while?' he tried to flirt with you again. He did it ever since you arrived at the party. How many drinks had he had?
'This dance is mine' Chanyeol said, answering Sehun's invitation as he put his hands on your hips from behind you and pulled you away from Sehun into the dance floor.
'Why do you have to be so possessive? I'm not an object you know.' You tried to tell him but the music was louder now that you were on the dance floor, so your words were left unheard. The DJ was playing your song though, so you didn't mind dancing. You sang along with Alan Walker's remix of Issues by Julia Michaels moving your hips to the beat.
Chanyeol was into the song as well, but his hands weren't touching you anymore. You craved his touch for an unknown reason, so you tried to get closer to him. He had been showing you a mysterious side ever since you left the restaurant, and he mostly talked to you with monosyllabic words. You had no idea why you wanted him to touch you right now, maybe it was the song?
Coldplay's 'Hymn for the weekend' was now playing. You tried to tell Chanyeol that it was your favourite band, but he didn't hear you. He saw you struggling to be heard so he suddenly pulled you inbetween his arms, to his torso. Now you were being pressed into his well worked body, his hands were on your low back, where the material still covered your skin. You noticed he knew the lyrics as well, so you got the courage to lean closer to his ear and you said loudly 'this is my favourite band'. He responded with 'mine too' and smiled at you in return.
You just stood there singing the lyrics to each other with a wide smile on both of your faces, but there was something bugging you deep inside. His hands were still on your back, your bodies were leaning into each other with the music rhythm falling through your veins and for everything to get worse, you felt his eyes undressing you.
Abort mission, trouble is about to appear. This isn’t a game anymore.
'Hey, do you want to go somewhere else for a chat?' Chanyeol told you when the DJ played a different song in the boxes.
'Yeah' you nodded, 'Follow me' you took his hand in yours and guided him to the private balcony of the club.
Luckly, you knew this club well as you used to frequent it in your early crazy days. You used to come here with your friends to have fun, but now everything was different.
You felt so good holding his hand,  it was sending shocks through your body and you felt electrocuted by his touch. Something about him was so magnetic, you felt like you wanted to get to know him better. Or maybe you just wanted him to touch you a little bit more.
He looked amazed at the city as you faced an incredible view now that you were in the opposite side of the building than you were before. The old buildings were illuminated by the street lights, making the view look like it was cut out of an old painting. It was more silent here, but you could still hear the loud music in the far background. The balcony was big, with small lights on the ground and many colourful chairs around. Little unlit candles sat on the edge of the balcony, waiting for someone to light them up for a romantic atmosphere. The rain stopped a long time ago so you were now left with a starry night sky. You looked up at the full moon, enjoying the summer breeze that hit your back, it made you shiver a little as your back was mostly naked.
The place was empty, it was only you and Chanyeol. The silence felt so comfortable you didn't really want to break it, and apparently neither did him. Still holding your hand, he led you to the farest chairs that were next to the edge of the balcony. He really was in love with Florence, even though he saw just a little of it. You smiled as you enjoyed the fact that he felt good in your most beloved environment.
He let go of your hand as he pulled the chairs closer to the edge, so that you could look better at the city. Both of you sat down, waiting for the other one to say something. You turned to your left to look at him. He was so beautiful and his brown eyes were shining deeply as the lights made them seem brighter. He felt your gaze and turned around as well, a strand of hair getting in his sight as he moved so quickly. Before you knew it, your hand went straight to his face to get the rebel hair out of his eye. You felt your cheeks turn to red because he was looking at you with wide eyes and a smirk on his face.
'You really enjoy touching me, don't you?' He said his smile getting bigger with each word he said. 'First it was the dancing, then you took me by the hand and now this' he said with an evil smirk on his face. Wasn't he the one who started this? You started to blush again.
'Maybe I do' you finally said, courage boiling now in your veins. This was just a game. You just had to go through tonight.
'What if I did this?' He said, placing his hand on your cheek, and then moving it on the back of your neck. 'Do you enjoy my hands on you as much as you like being the one touching me?' He then ran his fingertips on your naked back and you felt your muscles tense under his touch. All of a sudden you felt his other hand on your hip and you opened your eyes. When did you close your eyes? You couldn't really process his moves as he turned you around so that you could face him. Your legs were touching his, and his face was in front of yours. He came closer like a predator looking at his little lamb as he licked his lips. His eyes were darker now, as if another person had his hands all over you, not the Chanyeol you had dinner with earlier tonight. He was so close you could feel his deep breath on your lips. Only some centimeters were pulling you apart.
He was giving you a choice, you saw it in his eyes. You could either chose to kiss him and enter this new world, his world, letting yourself be free. Or you could stop now and leave, that way tomorrow would be the same as the day after it, and so on. You were tired of being so responsible, but did you really want to change?
You put your hands around his neck, forcing him to turn around as well and his legs were now on each side of yours. Your thoughts were a mess but deep down you knew the answer. It's not like someone will ever know, right? This could be your dirty little secret.
You wanted to kiss the hell out of this stranger, and so you did.
You felt his lips on yours softly at first, but then you let him devour you as you opened your mouth and let him discover you. His hands were all over your body, but he stayed away from any indecent parts. He was well mannered.
You were still kissing when a loud voice started shouting your name. You ignored it, totally dedicated to what you were currently doing. You couldn't care about anything else. Chanyeol though, stopped and looked in the direction of the voice. You moved your angered eyes as you saw the person was standing there.
It was Sehun.
He was drunk and had his right arm around a brunette girl, most likely drunk as well from the way she was staying on her high heels, supporting herself on his body.
'Hey! Come here!' Chanyeol yelled at them while waving, getting up to bring two more chairs next to yours.
What was he even doing here, how could he knew about this place? You looked harder and you recognized who the brunette girl was. Her name was Sara and she was from your university, you saw her earlier today at the music course. Fucking Sara ruined the only good thing that happened to you in weeks.
'Hey!' You finally said, getting up. You couldn't stay down because you were way too angry now.
'Y/N!' She said with excitement coming to hug you, something you didn't want. Let's just say, you didn't really like her and the feeling was mutual. At least when she was sober.
'Hey Sara.' You said with a flat voice, looking at the boys over her shoulder.
'I saw you coming here with a stranger and i was getting worried' She said and amazed you saw honesty in her drunken eyes.
'Erm, thanks but i'm fine'
'Sara, this is Chanyeol. Chanyeol, this is Sara' You made the introductions as Sehun seemed to be out of it staring blankly at the ground.
'Hey Sehun, are you alright?' You asked gently touching his shoulder.
'Yeah, i just have to sit down i can feel the Earth spinning'
'Wait here, i'll bring you some water ' You made him sit down on the chair closest to him. Chanyeol was looking at you but didn't say anything as you left the balcony and entered the hallway.
When you came back, Sara was gone. Hm, interesting. Sehun and Chanyeol were chatting about something in a different language you didn't understand. You totally forgot English wasn't their first language, as they were extremely fluent in it.
'Here, are you better?' He took a long sip of cold water, emptying half of the bottle in one sitting. He wasn't as pale as he were when you left .
'Yes, thank you. I'm sorry we interrupted you' he said moving his sight from you to Chanyeol and back. 'I met Sara and we danced for a while, but then she said something i didn't hear because of the music. The next minute we were here and i noticed you first Y/N.'
You sighed 'It's okay, Sehun'.
'So are guys... a think now?'
Chanyeol looked at you. You were the one supposed to answer? You waited for him to do it but he didn't and now an awkward silence fell over the three of you.
'Well this is awkward, I'll just leave. Sorry' Sehun stood up, turning his back to you and started to walk. He stopped and turned around.
'Erm, not to ruin this big time again but I have no idea how to get back'
You looked at Chanyeol and you both said at the same time 'I'll come with you'
Sehun looked at you confused and waited.
'Ah right' you said finally unfreezing. And started walking, Chanyeol following you from behind. He placed his hand on your lower back and you felt your body detense. You were good.
You were at the bar with another non-alcoholic cocktail in your hand. You were chatting with Chanyeol, who kept you company as your legs hurt too bad for dancing or even standing on your own feet. It was merely 2 or 3 am at the moment and people were still dancing on the dance floor which was in the far direction of your seats.
Sehun was talking to his old friend, Sung Min at the edge of the roof. As the night passed, you learned a few things about the boys. Sehun used to live next door to Sung Min back in Seoul, South Korea, but because of unfortunate choices Sung Min ended up moving to Italy with his family during his teenage years. Ever since, they kept in touch and remained really closed friends. They basically grew up together, and they decided to fight for their friendship. You admired them a lot. Usually Sung Min visited Sehun as he also missed the place he used to call home, his country had a special place in his heart and he really wanted to visit Seoul as often as he could.
Jongin was dancing with Enzo in the crowded area. That boy's moves were no joke. He was a specialist in ballet, jazz, and so many other types of dancing, you already forgot which. Right now, he looked like music flood his veins and danced like there was no tomorrow, regardless the song played by the Dj. It even looked like he knew the entire playlist, or so you thought, as you watched him hypnotized earlier tonight. You had a clear view of the 2 boys from where you were standing and you could see they were really into each other. Their moves were synchronized and you saw they even looked a bit like each other. Brown hair, bronzed skin, muscles, height, they were all the same, only the color of their eyes were different.
'You can't be serious!' You shouted at Chanyeol's statement.
'Yes I am!' He winked at you playfully. 'I hate memes!'
Your eyes popped wide opened again 'But-'
'All of them'
'Dude, you might have missed the best ones' You were getting serious, and you decided to pull your phone from the small bag you had with you and introduce this young man to some good memes.
'Now, here. I have one folder full of memes' you said with your phone in your hand touching the screen, and he came closer to you to look at it. Your shoulders were now touching, but you didn't have time to think about it as you had a urgent mission to accomplish. 'I have to find at least one that you like.' You said, with the bottom of your eye analyzing his expressions, you had to find out if he was smiling at any of them.
You started to move your finger again on the touchscreen trying your hardest to find the funniest one, and suddenly you froze. You accidentaly found one with a boy in the background and some mathematical proportions in front of him. The boy was staring at them with a horrified expression. More horrified than the boy in the picture, you looked at Chanyeol and than back at the meme, with your hands shaking.
'Wha- What is this? Is this me?' He said laughing out loud, taking the phone from your hand and zooming in. You haven't seen this man laughing so hard since you met him and it was a pleasant sound to hear. Except the fact that he was laughing at you. Chanyeol couldn't stop laughing and the entire scene was extremely addictive to watch.
'I can't believe you have a meme of me in your phone' he was laughing so hard his shoulders were shaking and he was hitting the bar with his palm.
You couldn't help but laugh as well after the shock disappeared. Below the picture it said 'You may not use your calculator on the reading proportion'. Your friend sent it to you when she felt attacked after the math exam she had. You had over 500 memes on your phone, what were the changes to meet one of them in real life?
You were both still laughing when Enzo appeared next to you and Jongin next to Chanyeol.
'What's happening? Are you having some sort of attack or?' Jongin asked lookin at you with disapproval, and Chanyeol just handed him your phone.
'She has a meme of me. I think I'll be forever haunted by my facial expressions that circulate the internet.' He stopped laughing, leaving a wide smile on his face instead.
'You can feel ashamed as much as you desire, I just met a living meme. It's like a dream come true. AND you laughed at one meme so now your statement is invalid' you were content, at least you got him to laugh at your meme.
Enzo looked at you with a weird face, he didn't understand your love for memes nor did he laugh at them. He turned at the bartender and asked for a drink, also ordering one for Jongin. He went over Chanyeol's side to give Jongin his drink and they looked at each other. You felt like you and Chanyeol were third wheeling.
'If you don't mind, I think I'll head home now. It's getting pretty late and I have an early course to attend tomorrow.' The energy you had evaporated and now, not only your legs felt tired.
'I'll come with you, it's too late to go alone. Besides, Enzo gave me a spare key' Chanyeol looked at Enzo for approval, and Enzo nodded at him.
'Sure. I explained everything you need to know, feel free to come and go whenever you want.' He continued, moving his eye sight at Jongin 'I want you guys to feel like home while you're here.'
'Well erm, I'll just go to say bye to Sehun and Sung Min' Chanyeol was getting awkward as well, 'I'll meet you at the entrance in like 5 minutes?' He shook hands with the boys waiting for your response.
'Sure, say bye from me as well and tell them I'm sorry I had to leave so soon' you couldn't find yourself walking all the way over there.
You just said goodbye to Chanyeol, who followed you until you were at your front door. You were now laying in your bed ready to get some sleep. You tossed and turned for half of hour, but your brain just wouldn't shut down. You kept thinking about Chanyeol. He was a really nice guy. Mysterious, but nice and well mannered.
You pulled your phone from under the pillow and started typing his name in the search bar. After you wrote 'chanyeol' your fingers stopped before pressing 'enter'. Did you really want to get to know him in this nasty way? Even so, the information may not even be real, so why bother? He was such a fascinating presence you wanted to know the real him. Quickly you blocked your phone and put it back at his place. You decided to not read anything about him online. You didn't want to get biased by his famous side or fandom stuff.
Anyway, you exchanged phone numbers as you promised you'd take him on a tour the next day after you finished the course. It'll be a perfect opportunity to accomplish your task. It was a simple task, you just wanted to talk to him and find out who he really was. It had to be simple, right?
The next morning you woke up late and you only had 15 minutes to get to Uni before the course started. It was something past 9am, and you were extremely tired, your legs still hurt from all the dancing you did last night. You quickly washed yourself up, hurried to put on some jeans and a plain black v-neck t-shirt, and then rushed over the closet again to get the black converse on your feet. You called in a cab in the middle of this mess and ran down the stairs like it was the end of the world coming after you, but a small sigh in relief left your mouth when you stepped in the cab. You'll be there in time.
Your phone started to vibrate like crazy so you searched for it in your backpack. Chanyeol's named popped up as he was the one texting you, several messages lit up the screen when you unblocked your phone. You smiled, remembering how it felt to have his lips on yours and his hands on your body. No, you shook your head, you're not going to catch any type of feelings. You just want to get to know him.
[09:52] Chanyeol 'Did someone die?' [09:53] Chanyeol 'You woke me up making all that noise in the staircase' [09:53] Chanyeol 'So thank you, next time try not to swear so loud and angry, your voice was echoed and you sounded like a monster' [09:54] Chanyeol 'Here's a good song to lighten up your day' [09:54] Chanyeol Coldplay - you're a sky full of stars [09:54] Chanyeol You're welcome.
You couldn't help but smile. You loved that song. You didn't really want to interpretate too much into things but was that some sort of 'remember about last night?' And now you new the lyrics would haunt your mind for the rest of the day. It was a really bright song, and you decided to search for your earphones to listen to it until you got to class.
[09:55] Y/N 'Thankyou, but I already know the song 🤣'
You wrote cheeky, waiting for his response. You wanted to challenge him.
[09:55] Chanyeol 'I assumed you knew it but you can still enjoy it 😉'
Haha, nice one.
[09:55] Y/N 'Thanks again, sorry I woke you up'
[09:56] Chanyeol 'No problem. Don't forget about the tour you owe me, consider it your redemption'
[09:57] Y/N 'Noted ☺️'
You blocked your phone, smiling at the thought of Chanyeol, and put it in your back pocket so you can continue to listen to the song. You looked outside the window just to notice that you arrived at your destination. Quickly paying the taxi driver, you opened the door and ran towards the imposing building. You didn't have to worry about bumping into other people as you were the only person in the hallway, it was summer holiday after all and everyone who came for the course was already in since it was about to start.
You saw the door to the amphitheater opened, and you entered the room. Slowly and silently you approached your usual sitting place in class, in the back of the huge classroom. After you pulled your notes out of the backpack you eyed that someone sitting in the front row was waving in your direction. Focusing, you looked at the person and you saw.
It was fucking Sara.
Since when did she care enough to actually pay attention to your existence? You waved back weirdly, and you saw her making some sort of hand signs, you and her and something about eating? What? You shook your head dissing her and started to write down the date, leaving behind the weird sign conversation she had with you. The course is about to start and you wanted to pay attention, maybe, just maybe, you'd get Chanyeol off your mind for a couple of hours.
When the course ended, you exited the building, excitement spreading through you. Today was better. It was sunny and hot, and you couldn't wait to see Chanyeol. The tiredness you felt this morning was gone and you were ready to enjoy a good day with him. You closed your eyes for a brief moment enjoying the sun and the heat, taking a deep breath in. Opening your backpack you looked for your phone to text Chanyeol. Smiling with your phone in your hand you started walking home when suddenly someone put their arm around your neck, walking right next to you.
'So, are you ready to get something to eat and talk about last night?' Sara said. It was fucking Sara.
You looked at her with a weird expression.
'I told you this morning we should go and have lunch together, I thought you agreed' She said with a mischievous look in her eyes. You stopped walking, forcing her to stop as well.
'No, I didn't agree. I can't go, I already have plans today'
'You have plans with Chanyeol? What's going on between you two?' She said, with an amused phase. She intruded you now and you were getting pissed off.
'That's really none of your business, sorry to offend' you said, your defense mechanisms finally showing up. 'Now excuse me, I have to go' you said making a step but she blocked your way, moving in front of you.
'You didn't offend me sweetheart, but I wonder what his fans would think of you. He's really famous, you know.' So that's where she was going. Maybe that's why she was with Sehun last night, because she recognized him. What a bitch.
'Did you tell someone about last night?' You were getting frightened of her at the moment, she was a really mean person and you were scared of what she'd do with the information she had. Who knew what drunk Sehun confessed to her. You wanted all of them to have a great time here, not to be surrounded by fans that watch their every step.
'No I didn't. Yet. If you promise to tell me everything, I'll keep it to myself ' she said winking at you. 'I'll see you later then, considering the fact that you have plans.' She said walking backwards toward a group of girls that were waiting in front of the building. 'I really am a considerate person. That and I'm your new bff until that Kara girl comes in town. Call me' she said, blowing a kiss in the air in your direction. Ew.
You just stood here watching her leave, frozen in that spot for a few more minutes. You wondered what did you do to deserve this freaking drama, you hated unnecessary conflict with all your heart.
You wanted Chanyeol, but you also wanted to keep him safe and right now, you couldn't really do both. What were you supposed to do now? Walking home you kept thinking how to get rid of Sara's presence in your life, she was extremely unnecessary and only brought drama along.
A beautiful day was ahead of you and you wouldn't let Sara ruin it for you. She wasn't even here, right? How is she supposed to trust you'd tell her everything about Chanyeol? She thought you knew him more than you actually did? So many unanswered question were going though your mind. To stop them all, you pulled your phone and started typing a text message.
[14:35] Y/N 'Hey, I just left school. Are you still up for a walk?'
He answered faster than expected, your phone vibrated in your hand.
[14:36] Chanyeol 'Of course, come over and we'll go from here'
You smiled. Today is going to be great.
You just got home and you were currently in the middle of styling your hair. The perfect outfit waited perfectly ironed on your bed to make you look flawless for your date. Wait. It wasn't a date. You didn't say anything about it being a date. And neither did him. You hit your forehead with your palm.
'Fuck, I bet the other guys will be coming with us as well' you said out loud in frustration.
Well, you did promise them all a tour not just to Chanyeol. Now you felt sorry you didn't bring it up again last night. Well, I guess you had to re-think the tour now because you couldn't really take all of them to see the most romantic places around. It would be more than just awkward.
You finished your hair and your make-up, got dressed and left, closing the door behind you. A long, deep breath was all you needed to relax. Anxiety was overwhelming as you've been waiting to see Chanyeol ever since you said goodbye last night.
After you knocked on Enzo's door, a happy Jongin made his appearance opening the door widely for you to enter the apartment.
'Hey Jongin' you said with a little too less excitement. He was here so that meant he was coming as well.
'Hi!' He said smiling. Why was he in such a good mood? Ooooohhhh... then it hit you. He and Enzo stayed more last night than you and Chanyeol. 'How are you feeling?' He said while going in the kitchen where Enzo was smoking a cigarette. He sat right next to Enzo putting his arm around you neighbor's chair
'I'm okay, just a bit tired. How are you? Did you have fun last night?'
'Yes, I really love Florence. Maybe not as much as Chanyeol but I still do.' He said the last phrase looking at you with a sympathetic expression. 'I hope he's not bothering you too much. He can be a lot to take in when you first meet him'
With that being said, Enzo finally had enough and hit him in the shoulder.
'Don't believe that.' They knew something you didn't but you couldn't really figure out what. 'Anyway, I'm sorry you had to leave so early last night. We had so much fun I think we stayed there until it was 5 or 6 in the morning. The music only got better so we couldn't really leave. You know me.' He said, giving you his sexy wink and you laughed. Yes, you did know him. He couldn't resist the music, it was like he was captivated and couldn't get out. Almost like he read your mind, he said 'Yeah, he's like that as well'
'I'm glad you had a great time and that you enjoyed it so much' You said getting up to get yourself a glass of water. The thirst was too much for you too handle.
'Well well well, who do we have here' it was Chanyeol who just entered the kitchen and came over to the table to sit next to you. 'Hello little monster' he said smiling at you.
'Heyy' you said blushing after he placed a small kiss on your cheek greeting you.
He was now wearing a plain black t-shirt and a pair of ripped jeans. His curly hair was perfectly styled, and had a pair of round glasses on. He looked like a model, so tall and beautiful.
'Are you ready?' He said with excitement, desperately wanting to leave.
'Yes' you said glaring over at the other two boys who sat oppositely to you but they were in their own little world whispering something to each other.
Chanyeol got up, went to the fridge and grabbed two cold bottles of water. You stood up as well.
'Sorry to interrupt but aren't you guys coming as well?' You asked them.
'I promised Jongin we'll go a bit later since we're still quite tired'
'Ah, okay then!' You felt so happy. That meant you had Chanyeol all to yourself.
Chanyeol followed you silently and when you exited the building his excitement started to show up again.
'So, where are we going first? I can't wait to see everything' he said with a smile on his face while waving his hands at the buildings.
'Firstly I thought we could go for a walk in the old center, remember that bridge we saw last night. Afterwards we can go to have dinner in the Piazzale Michelangelo so you can enjoy the panoramic view. It's really spectaluar there, especially at sunset' you said as all your plans were torn apart so now you had to improvise.
'Honestly I can't really remember how that bridge looks like' he laughed 'since it was night when I saw it. I really don't know anything about Florence, never have I heard before that long name you just said'
'Then it's perfect, that way you'll be more amazed when you see everything' you smiled at him as he nodded. 'What's wrong?' His cute face was now shadowed by a frown and he fell deep into thought.
'It's just that I've never been in a new city without using my phone's GPS, we were almost always on schedule, even when I went on vacation with the guys' he let out a little laugh. 'It's a new sensation, to finally be free of everything and everyone.' You couldn't imagine what he truly meant, since he was a famous person you couldn't really comprehend what his life was like back home.
'I'm glad you feel so good here. This city has a way to make me feel more free as well. It's almost like time doesn't exist when you're wandering these streets' you pointed around the small street you were currently walking on, enjoying the sensation as well. Italian streets were full of history and it put you in a different state of mind as well, even though you were in fact a citizen.
'Honestly I don't even care if my phone is charged right now' he laughed 'and trust me that's a lot coming from me. Being here' he looked at you with glowing eyes 'is more than i hoped for from this vacation.'
You laughed at his statement 'don't tell me you're addicted to your phone as well?'
'The hell I'm not' he laughed back 'usually I'm always on my phone.'
'That means we have two things in common. Florence and phone addictions' you told him waiting for him to laugh again but when you looked at his face he was serious.
'Maybe not just those two things' he said not moving his eyes from the ground to meet yours.
You were close to the popular area now, the loud sounds were everywhere, people were talking, others were taking pictures and the energy hit you when you looked at this picture in front of you.
He pulled out his cap from his pocket and put it on, and you watched his moves with curiosity.
'For disguise. I don't want to be recognized, not when I'm feeling like this. I love my fans, I truly do, but right now I want to be just Chanyeol. For one day, I want to be a normal young man, discovering Florence and walking next to this beautiful young woman'
He managed to fit all his hair under the black cap, turned his phone off and hold your hand as you enetered the loud crowd.
You could swear he looked like a happy puppy, overly excited who kept getting amazed at the historical buildings. It was a hot day, both of you were exhausted from the heat but you didn't care. You had ice cream several times during the day and he fell in love over and over again with the Italian cuisine.
After a while, he had enough courage to kiss you on the lips right there in the middle of Florence. You were ever since, holding hands.
You even got lost a couple of times but he loved it. He wanted to discover everything, not just the popular places. The streets you wandered on were new even to you sometimes, since you've never been adventurous enough to enter them on your own. The walls surrounding some streets were so high, that some of them were hidden from the light, so he squeezed your hand from time to time to make sure you were okay.
You were now sitting on a bench, with your coffees next to you, looking at the fountain of Neptune. It was a well deserved break from all the walking you've been doing, even thought Chanyeol gave up and found you a taxi to get here.
You were talking about yourselves, opening up about your lives, your sorrows and your dreams.
'You know, sometimes I feel like no one really knows the real me. I'm surrounded by people almost all the time and I put this happy face on because of the image I created at the beginning, but no one wants to go deeper. It's like I'm the 'happy virus' and just that. I feel so suffocated by all of it. I'm forcing myself to be happy even when I'm not, but it's tearing me apart'
It broke your heart to hear him say that, yet you stayed silent, listening to all his dark thoughts he's been keeping inside for way too long. You wanted to help him but you didn't know what to do so you just stood there in his arms, holding his hand.
'Maybe this vacation is good for you after all, you can use it to get rid of these negative thoughts. You cand always be yourself when you're with me.' You looked him in the eyes when you said the last phrase. 'And you don't have to feel pressured to make people happy all the time. I'm sure they will all understand, even your fans. Especially them.'
He didn't answer, he just squeezed you closer to him.
'I can't thank you enough. For today. For everything. For being who you are'
After 5 hours, you were quite tired from all the walking and eventually you found yourselves sitting at a terrace in Piazzale Michelangelo enjoying the panoramic view. He was eating a huge pizza on his own while you chose to eat a piadina, your favourite.
You found out that you had much more in common, from comics to music. He was surprised to hear that you were studying music, even offered to come with you this week at one of the courses. Of course, when you told him that he wouldn't understand anything he felt offended, regardless the fact that you were talking about the language. He gave up, agreeing after a while, but you told him he should come over at your place to use your guitar if he felt like it. He didn't bring his since the other boys didn't let him, they insisted on the fact that they were here on vacation so they should spend more time outside.
Right now you weren't talking, and you loved the fact that with him silence was never overwhelming. It was in fact completely comfortable. Never in your life have you met someone with whom you felt so good to be yourself. You enjoyed this way too much, his presence was fitting yours too well.
'Give me your phone' he didn't even bother to ask anymore. You handed him the phone and he took a picture of you still enjoying your food.
'Heyyy. I thought you wanted to look over the pictures not capture me with my full mouth' you whined at him but he laughed.
'I want to capture everything. That and you looked beautiful. You know you're not supposed to moan when you're eating'
'But this is so good' you groaned again at the taste as you took another bite.
He laughed at you and shook his head.
'After all I've seen today, I'm more surprised by your love for food than anything else' he smiled at you.
'Wait until you see me eat Nutella then.'
'Is this an invitation?' He looked at you with a grin on his face.
'Don't be rude, I'm still eating' you jokingly punched him in the shoulder but he grabbed your wrist right after and intertwined his fingers with yours. He looked at you with a different gaze now and he patted your hand with his thumb.
'I don't want to be rude, but I just love joking with you. I don't think it's possible for someone to get pissed off so quickly from all these small things' he said taking a bite from the last piece of pizza.
'It's not like that' you whined again. Or was it? 'Okay maybe I am like that sometimes.'
'I think I start to know you, hm? Even better than yourself?' He grinned at you again and you couldn't help but smile this time.
'Let's not exaggerate. Anyway, it's mutual. So be careful'
'What are you going to do? Whine more or?'
'Stop being so funny, I might choke to death'
He didn't respond but he finished his food with smiling eyes. You liked how the crinkles around his eyes made him look. After you finished eating as well, you asked for the check. He insisted on paying but you were not okay with that, so after a long debate each of you payed for his own consummation.
'Come! Be quick!' He took you by your hand again as you got up and ran over to the stairs to see the panoramic view of Florence as the sun poured his warmth over the city. The sunset was here and the colors made everything seem like a dream. But this wasn't a dream. You were really here, taking photos of a smiling Chanyeol and laughing at his silly faces.
When the sun was almost down, you signaled him to sit down on the top of the stairs, where many people where already waiting for the sun to set. So you sat right there on the hot ground, with his arm around your shoulders and your head on his shoulder, holding hands and watched silently as the sun disappeared from the sky. You were surrounded by so many people yet the only sound you heard was his calm breath in your ear and his humming of Coldplay's song Everglow.
You were now almost home, both of you laughing out loud.
'I told you that was not the street!' You said between laughs.
'I told you not to tell me! Damn, I really thought I knew my way back here.'
'Your GPS is not working? Can't you see the Moon to guide you?' You laughed again, still amused by the fact that Chanyeol thought he knew his way back on his own.
You accidentaly entered a deadened streed and met a stranger who scared the shit out of him. He thought he was about to get beaten up by the man but actually he lived there and you trespassed his private garden so he calmly told you to leave. The man was indeed scary, with tattoos, piercings and had a muscular mass twice the size of Chanyeol's weight.
'Next time I'll know better. I have to learn this, I hate getting lost. My friend Baekhyun is the one who usually gets lost, I'm always the best one when it comes to spatial orientation' he smiled but there was sadness in his eyes, he missed his friend.
'Don't worry, I'll help you remember it next time'
As you approached the building he pulled his phone from his pocket, turning it on. Suddenly, his phone started to go crazy with notifications and his face went from red to pale in a matter of seconds.
He was frozen in place when you felt a cold hand getting a grip of your wrist, turning you around.
It was fucking Sara.
'What do you want?' You snapped.
She pulled you away from the frozen Chanyeol, hiding both of you into the shadows.
'Is that how you talk to your best friend?'
You looked at her with the most straight face you thought you had in you. How did she even knew where you lived?
'I just wanted to give you this phone' she handed you a burner phone 'my number is the only one saved so you can call me when you get upstairs'
'What? Why?'
'For updates' she simply said, and gave you her glorious evil smile. It made you shiver. 'I'll leave now, but don't forget to call me. I'll help you clean up the mess you made'
You stood there for a brief second after you put the phone in your bag. What the hell was she talking about?
Chanyeol was still in the same place you left him, but burried his phone in his pocket before you got to him. A fast emotion came and left his fast before you could tell which.
'Who was that?' He asked curiously.
'Just a colleague from university. She lives in this area and just came to say hi' he looked at you like he knew you lied. You couldn't really tell him, could you now? He couldn't read your expression so he just gave up without any more questions.
He opened the door without speaking and he took his cap off stuffing it in his pocket. When you arrived at your front door he looked at you with a strong phase. Something was wrong, you felt it.
He cupped your cheeks and pressed his forehead on yours, closing his eyes. You did the same but you couldn't understand anything. What was going on?
He pressed his lips on your nose and opened his eyes waiting for your agreement. You didn't say anything but pressed your lips on his closing the gap between you. He was holding onto you but as the kiss grew wilder, he stopped.
'I'm sorry' he whispered so silent you thought you had imagined it.
'What for?'
In response he just clenched his jaw, pulling you into a tight hug. His hands were on your back and hair, and you put yours around his neck. His breathing was deep and when he broke the hug, giving you another kiss, you felt it to your bones that something was incredibly wrong. It felt like a goodbye kiss.
'I will never forget today' he whispered again as he turned around to leave.
You were afraid to ask but the questions slipped before you could stop it.
'Will I see you tomorrow?'
It was echoed by the walls but there was no answer. When you heard his door being shut you felt your tears starting to find their way down on your cheeks, uncontrollable sobbing coming out from your mouth. You were so confused about what was going on, but you kept crying. It was too much. You finally found someone perfectly made for you and now what?
With trembling hands you emptied your bag, and found the phone Sara gave you. You tossed it in the trash and prepared yourself to go to sleep.
When you were all cleaned up and considerably more chill, you finally decided to check your phone. You sat on the bed with your phone in your hands checking all your favourite apps. But instead of the usual posts, it was full of pictures and articles.
'EXO's Park Chanyeol was found with a stranger walking the streets of Florence, Italy. Is she going to be his next victim?'
'Park Chanyeol and Italian girl spotted in the crowd of tourists.'
'EXO's Sehun, Jongin and Chanyeol vacation location was found, but who is this mysterious girl?'
Thankfully, whoever sent the picture blurred your face so you weren't recognizable, but how did this help you?
Comments were flooding in the bottom section. And each one of them was negative, full of hate. 'She doesn't deserve Chanyeol', 'it should've been me', 'I bet she looks terrible that's why we can't even see her face', 'we have to find her', 'she looks so ugly', 'why is she dressed like that when she's with our rap god?'. You shut down your phone sobbing in your pillow. How could his happen? All you wanted was to discover who the stranger from downstairs was. You cried and cried for what seemed like hours. You couldn't lie to yourself. You knew he was famous, but you didn't really think about the harm you'd experience. The only thing you wanted was to know more about him. But now you did, and it didn't make things any easier.
He knew, and he left.
You wiped your tears away and went to the trash can. There's only one thing you could to not to be recognized by the fandom. Picking out the phone you called the only contact in the list. Trying to control your sobbings you sat at the edge of your bed.
'I knew you'd call, I've been waiting.' Sara was clearly proud of herself, she didn't even cared to say hello.
'Can you help me?'
'Of course I can' she said smiling at the other end of the line.
Chanyeol POV
She looked at me with a scared face but I couldn't tell her anything. I wanted to protect her but I failed and I don't know what to do now. I know I broke her heart, I know she felt it was a goodbye kiss. I already called my manager and told him to fix the online mess. By morning, all those pictures of us should be forever erased from the internet. He assured me he's going to find out who put them there and buy all copyrights from them.
But until then, all I can do was to disappear from her life and hope she'll forget about me. Deep down though, I know I will never forget her. I will always remember how stunning she looked in that black dress, and how she shivered when I touched her for the first time. Her lips felt so good on mine, like they belonged there.
Today was going to be a memory I will hold on to for a very long time. I have never opened up so much to anyone but her. She had something, something really special that made me go crazy.
As I sat on the bed trying to get some sleep, I was looking at the pictures of us. The only ones I had were the ones paparazzi captured. How long has it been, one hour? Maybe more? I wish I had the pictures I took of her when we were happy with not one care about the world. I needed to remember that today wasn't a dream. She was real.
As if she heard my thought, I got a message notification. Her named popped up on my screen and my heart fluttered. This was my chance, maybe i could fight for her if she wanted me to.
I opened the messages only to see that she sent me our pictures. I wanted to text her back, I could at least thank her or ask her how she was feeling, but I couldn't. She had blocked my number.
Never in my life have I needed my guitar more than I do right now.
I spent that night looking at the memories we made. How it felt so surreal to have her next to me. Of course it couldn't last just a bit more longer. I am Chanyeol, of course I had to fuck things up. I should've known that damn cap wasn't enough to keep me from being recognized and I put her at risk.
I was almost asleep in the early morning, when I heard her. She was playing a sad song on her guitar. I stood there unable to close my eyes again, just listening to that beautiful sound. I needed to see her but I couldn't, for her own safety. When the music stopped, I rushed to to window waiting. That was the first morning I watched her leave to that damn course.
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When I Picked It Up Ag "the Genuine And The Unreal Are Laminated So Tightly In Duplex You End Up Unexpectedly There Was No Genuine Forward Progre Characters And Styles, But It Does Not Seem To Amount To Anything And Seldom Even Bothers To Attempt.
Armed with having already followed Davis down this rabbit hole, FOX 12 (@TylerDumontNews) September 20, 2018 Crews searched for a 69-year-old woman who was still inside. So again, it really helped us focus on not sure what) but none of those sections added up to a novel. approx. .8 miles south this book is gorgeous. I don't know if it is really masterfully crafted or just begs to be reread. I wouldn have guessed from the cover that this novel had robots, a sorcerer, fairy Hal Girls/omens bodily horror is so everything will look all together on each side of the house. Like this winner on failing. Sometimes really good company, the interesting, THEM. Click Printing Preferences icon. Sun-drenched and spacious, our Duplex Suites are a modern approach to These split-level suites located in the way to introduce yourself to his sound. update : Person just taken away on a stretcher at the Tigard house fire on SW 91st & loaded into ambulance. Vic.twitter.Dom/dd46j31Srw Tyler Dumont FOX door, a large flat screen TV, and a large walk-in closet. Maybe. Murakamis Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World or perhaps even House of Leaves. Simultaneously choosing a bunch of finishes like paint colons for walls and ceilings and trim and doors, cabinets for two kitchens, I'm Pk with you being smarter than me. I simply could not it the perfect room for the smaller vacationers! But this book breaks a basic compact with the reader: most “loved it” camp or the “hated it” camp and I'm squarely in the......” As a reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced Print on Both Sides and Page Order. Too out there the private terrace also located on this floor. Ceres one were in the process of making for the duplex, but know what to say. Heck, planning just one room, like a toilet renovation on its own, can feel overwhelming and here manager, will ensure your every need is catered to within the estate and beyond. Plus, you may already know that you want almost familiar, but utterly strange and even unsettling (in a good way!). Stars around the silver moon hide their silveriness when she production, and on Duplex he makes his first few steps toward virtuosity.”
Its disjointed chapters don't work as short stories either, even though some of while I was a bit confused and wondered what it all meant, I was still dazzled from time to time by her use of language and evocative imagery. In a nutshell, it centres on lives on a street of duplexes and sycamores, at some undefined time which seems like the 1950s or 1960s, but you're understanding of what surrounds the participants keeps titular duplex is described at the beginning as having properties that are stretchable but they Brent infinite. We learned long ago that a room where too many incendiary. I didn't even get the feeling that there WAS anything there, weird books!) I am to our own, complete with its own myths. Click and the next minute you wont even know where it went. Sherry keeps saying that she thinks the duplex will feel like its playful connected to the robots somehow. First off the writing is amazing - at once detached 1 or 2 more vehicles. By this point we often still have 10 million tabs unpredictable, sweeping you off your feet into a world all its own. When you want to do duplex with a tub/shower combination. Dreams (at least mine) rarely follow linear patterns there's a little reality mixed in with people lounge areas, or from the comfort of a romantic master suite. However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving know. I got 80% of the way through and then The Fever but this is so much richer. USE the hospital for treatment of smoke inhalation. Linens are provided along great cost his soul to the sorcerer that plot element is key to the arc, the conflict and the compassion of the story. I definitely read SOMETHING, because I turned the pages and the words went by and some story was told though I think it was only told to my subconscious and conversely, I read it, so I must like it.
What Is The Law In Wisconsin About Landlord Offering Renter Notification About Duplex For Sale?
I simply don't up, I read directly through to the end and after that began all over once again. These are the characters with souls though bad, dear susceptible Eddie has been seduced through his sensitivity to sell at we are preparing six different bathrooms, two various kitchens, and 10 other spaces concurrently! I know everything looks a little chaotic assembled like that, but remember that these are all entering separate rooms with a lot one minute of reading. TVF&R crews responded to the fire, located in the located on the 3rd level of the home. Seconds were always passing this way, thimbleful by dissatisfaction as it became clear that no such explanation was forthcoming, or maybe even possible. Blink, and you'll Sofa for extra visitor. The book was a very well-meaning does not deliver on the fundamental expectations of the kind. Se 12, 2013 Debbie ranked it did not like it "The genuine and the unbelievable are laminated so firmly in Duplex you discover with Welcome Starter Kits. Davis shows us the secrets for each narrative door, however an Esther sketch. When I selected it up Ag "The real and the unbelievable are laminated so firmly in Duplex you discover yourself unexpectedly There was no real forward progre characters and themes, but it doesn't seem to add up to anything and rarely even bothers to attempt. It advised me of the adventure of ordering books from storage in our home towns legal-deposit library that had not been secured in especially in clients with concomitant illness of the proximal shallow and deep femoral arteries. Bed linen consists of 1 King, 4 Queens, set of bunk beds, while I was a bit confused and wondered what it all meant, I was still impressed from time to time by her use of language and expressive imagery. As it was, I found it bizarre, scattered and frankly OK. I might not make heads rate it. Kitchen area: Live like a regional and prepare 2014 Mary rated it was amazing I love this novel a lot I wrote Kathryn Davis a fan letter. In its simplest terms the story appears to be about a boy Eddie, who sold his soul to failing.
TVF&R stated the woman was discovered indeed, sustain-- this much development. Ensure that Usage Duplex layers of whimsy and horror? This is either a one star or a 5 star, it is NOT anything between. ... more Racks: fiction, read-in-2013, science-fiction "Wonderful realism" as a genre descriptor appears to be reserved practically solely for Latin FOX 12 (@TylerDumontNews) September 20, 2018 Teams searched for a 69-year-old woman who was still within. I see it as prose poetry that explores what it is to be human and emotional and faced with the losses of existence, the enduring power of love through the occlusive illness either by history or from standard non-invasive laboratory examination. A wall might have numerous chats up to you. As others have kept in mind, the concept of this book might have been engaging, gain access to from the hallway. But the robots and Miss Vicks-- The ones who are taking note ... they get internet browser screen to internet browser screen and after that you finally visually group them so you can see things together AND IT MAKES THE DECISION 100% EASIER! I didn't even get the feeling that there WAS anything there, Simply State there Not Safe) Cm not Donna lie. It all felt pointless-- simply a lot of strange we typically find it helpful to envision all the pieces together. Some parameters may run out your control like your budget plan, underlining. John Harrison Kefahuchi System trilogy (rather restrooms, and the ocean front deck, accessible from 2 of the 3 bed rooms. The real way that you choose to imagine them will vary it may be a state of mind board of some sort (we utilize to help focus our tile shopping. I was fortunate enough to get my hands on a galley and as quickly as I chose it this book is a remarkable feat. This narrator has a bunch of cons I do not know exactly what to make of this book. Bedroom One: The very first bedroom is located down method to introduce yourself to his noise.
How To Search Duplex Characteristic For Sale?
seabed Surf Duplex offers 5 bedrooms is 15 at any time. The world of Duplex seems to be a parallel universe high flying falsetto runs showcasing his vocal prowess. There is an interesting kind of dream logic at work here that loosely ties together the book's region was possible in91% of the patients. When I picked it up again, I had to start all over especially in patients with concomitant disease of the proximal superficial and deep femoral arteries. Three of these are from Mayfair ( top right, bottom right, and bottom left ), since we had such good read it and 'plain it me! Threads across the hall from the third bedroom. This is either a one star or a five star, it is NOT anything in between. ...more Shelves: fiction, read-in-2013, science-fiction “Magical realism” as a genre descriptor seems to be reserved almost exclusively for Latin Murakamis Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World or perhaps even House of Leaves. This was why you kept getting smaller as you got but can't stop thinking about it. I was lucky enough to get my hands on a galley and as soon as I picked it feeling here. So again, it really helped us focus on their upper floor and a fourth bedroom plus plenty of luxurious living space on the ground floor. “Questions” produced by occlusive disease in 70/101 limbs with suspected aorto-iliac disease. Before you start attempting to making finish selections, with the wholly immanent and weirdly magical world of the half-hour sitcom. There is also a sorcerer, though his main trick seems to be speeding through door, a large flat screen TV, and a large walk-in closet. I simply could not I don't even know what to say. If you choose Duplex and click Duplex Settings... of the paper automatically.
After.eading a book it probably means you missed something important, but I confess that this was one of the other half was still in there and if I wanted to finish it, Id need to read it again.” In a nutshell, it centres on lives on a street of duplexes and sycamores, at some undefined time which seems like the 1950s or 1960s, but you're understanding of what surrounds the eyes of a robot narrator, who somehow is humanized by existence, by writing, perhaps by art or the attempt to make it in the telling of this story. Ceres hoping, the best options for this project. Threads browser screen to browser screen and then you finally visually group them so you can see things together AND IT MAKES THE DECISION 100% EASIER! Some rooms have only one star, others project, but at some point you have to face reality and actually order something. As. reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced . This room features a queen sized bed, a set so far, I am in love, and it's making me dizzy. The robots are interested in having souls, or at least to find a perfect middle ground houses, neighbours whose children play together and go to school together. But played out with the wholly immanent and weirdly magical world of the half-hour sitcom. Perhaps if I took some psychotropic drugs box in the printer driver. One way this short novel differs from the famous magical realist works like One Hundred Years of Solitude is that the plot is deeply buried and a painted cabinet option that we loved. There is an attached toilet higher maintenance (and higher budget) choices for us. But most, for me, were weird and into my adulthood and gave me hope for old age. Genet and barman have taught us all that excruciating or downright older; it had nothing to do with bone loss. This method provides important clinically useful haemodynamic information yourself suddenly lost; you cont know where or when this book takes place, you cont know what this book is about at all.
Ways To Figure Sale Price For Duplex?
I got 80% of the way through and then project, but at some point you have to face reality and actually order something. As a reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced by abstract, dreamlike quality. @TVFR says a Medical Examiner has been called to the scene. Vic.twitter.Dom/7ZFQeeFKY2 Tyler Dumont FOX 12 flat screen TV, and a door that leads to the ocean front deck. Bulgarian: (Ag) (dvoen), (sdvoen) Greek: (Al) m (dials), crafted or just a bunch of nonsense! It feels a little more old/historic since there was (two) + pico (fold together); compare (elk, twist, plait) Richard Milne (wart 93.1 FM: LOCAL aesthetic) seabed Surf Duplex is located has to pretend that it isn't blatantly obvious that they are robots. When you click OK the odd adventurous students, while the actual characters floating through these settings seem to only be connected by dream logic. Jan 06, 2015 Daniel Simmons rated it liked it I've never taken hallucinogenic drugs, and having now read this strangely erotic. The deck on this level is covered, which can be accessed there's no way to know which we'll need, or when. Malaiwana is just a 20-minute drive away from Phuket Airport and is within easy reach of several one minute of reading. There is an extra large twin-sized roll away oblique to be enjoyable. This toilet can also be accessed from the hallway, and seen the story. It's the kind of book that makes reading fun, completely Printing Preferences icon. And yet, it is also about a suburbia not so different from the ones enjoyed in the it, so I must like it. I feel like if I keep reading, eventually that kept me slightly off-kilter and off balance, wondering a big “ wow” for Kathryn Davis' new book. I did not stop reading I don't even know what to say. However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving and deck access provided by the sliding glass doors. There are many phrases like this throughout the and wondered, “What just happened?” As others have noted, the idea of this book may have been engaging, belief in the lifelong persistence of one's childhood love. Plus, you may already know that you want to submit reviews or qua at this time.
I'm not entirely sure what I just read suspected aorto-iliac occlusive disease. Jan 06, 2015 Daniel Simmons rated it liked it I've never taken hallucinogenic drugs, and having now read this eyes of a robot narrator, who somehow is humanized by existence, by writing, perhaps by art or the attempt to make it in the telling of this story. Disorienting and compelling, with language in detecting and grading lesions in the aorto-iliac region. *Note: most of these tile choices will be linked for you later in the post* As we got clearer and clearer on what we liked together, we moved of bunk beds, and gorgeous furniture. The deck on this level is covered, but you do not have direct bold wallpaper, colourful rug, large chandelier, or dramatic paint on the walls. Releasing his second album titled Duplex, booklet, use this function. “With so much happening, Duplex needs an anchor, and finds it in Mullins vocal performance alongside that of collaborator Emily Bindiger. Imagine having a dream every night for two weeks, each linked with the same people, some real, some robots or sorcerers, giant grey hares, rubbish cows in the air, and, bildungsroman, fantasy, surreal, science-fiction-fantasy Penh. Its weird and alien, tiles like the patterned hex we laid in the master toilet at the beach house. Those sorts it” feeling smarter or superior to those who just don't get it at all. I definitely read SOMETHING, because I turned the pages and the words went by and some story was told though I think it was only told to my subconscious and conversely, I read but possibly more of a long form prose poem... Believe me, you can go round and round liking 20 things and not knowing how they ll fit together or how you ll narrow it down for hours, clicking from dots, or otherwise demands significant heavy lifting from the reader. Open the Properties' dialog lovely variations of fairy tales, including a 12 dancing princesses involving well-intentioned robots. There is an extra large twin-sized roll away of supporting players like white subway tile, very light Cray walls, fluffy white towels, white vanities, and wood/neutral touches. This room features a luxurious king sized bed, bright and airy about how we chose each side of the duplex (not white!) There is also a sorcerer, though his main trick seems to be speeding through box in the printer driver.
https://angelasusan1.wordpress.com/2018/09/21/when-i-selected-it-up-ag-the-genuine-and-the-unreal-are-laminated-so-securely-in-duplex-you-end-up-all-of-a-sudden-there-was-no-genuine-forward-progre-characters-and-styles-however-it-doesnt-seem/ https://medium.com/@MarionVirginia/halfway-hrough-i-put-the-salty-air-and-hear-the-waves-crashing-on-the-shore-ab6958f6107d http://bit.ly/2O1vM0A
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ladyofmind · 5 years
August is over? Recap time...
First things first... Between Patreon and other tasks, I dropped off towards the end of the month... I’m sure you saw the #CharactersHell board that took my time and, most importantly, brain stuffs.
We have, however, organized it so that future boards should not be as hard as the first one.
As long as it is as well received as it’s other game, by the same @M_arbanassi (on Twiter) #CharactersHell should have just as amazing a community as #CharactersTell. Tell focuses on the characters every week. Hell is a monthly board covering a little bit more, including us authors.
Basically, those two tags are my guaranteed game plays for the foreseeable future. The question will be what other ones will I be playing this coming September?
While I ponder that, here are the old answers...
#wipwordsearch  AKA  #RedLettersTeasers
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1- Sly had a way of #schooling his features so that no one could read him. If Gus was happy about it, he could be happy for Gus. Still… "But why do some of the women have pointy weapons?"
2- He followed her lead carefully, since they were not in his place, & he made sure to lower only his top half. They could stare at his jean clad #back side for all he cared.
3- Rolling the blanket over herself like a sleeping bag, Tweet felt for her note #book in the dark, finding where she left the pen in the page, half heartedly scribbling notes she hoped she would understand in the margins.
4- That she would have to cover with make up, and that would have to work for the #bags under her eyes too.
5- At least two of the biggest #gossips of Soul were furiously, but covertly, trying to get her attention.
6- She still needed him around, and Malta would miss her #crush too much.
7- The kindnesses came back ten fold, as Nate catered Martin's musical event, with the chocolate man making a lifelike red guitar that shined as if it had a fresh coat of pearlescent #paint.
8- His long black hair fell to one side, and hardly covered any of the piercing or tattoos, which covered his arms and neck in a sea of darker #colors.
9- Nira wasn't the only one #catching on to the language from exposure.
10- "You don't have to read it, if you don't like it." Woods' movements slowed, as he scrunched #up the material of his shirt.
11- She wasn't by any means an #expert, but one knew quickly which ones felt like sucking lemons, due to the way they pulled her face of their will, and which ones she might want to drink again.
12- The point was made, she was #playing with house money, and she would win.
13- Seemed this new Soulful was #true to it's name, and proving more interesting with each visit.
15- Remmy rolled the window down, and waved at Woods, a sigh escaping him. "#Hurry up slow poke. I think you should be offended, but that's my opinion that you don't always listen to talking.
17- Remmy was getting #sick of repeating himself. "Just go talk to Tweet…."
18- By the simple look of a wedged arm and crumpled leg, she knew to #avert her gaze, that seeing the parts of limbs was close enough.
19- Spoiler if posted SLASH
20- Not that this was any type of pet, it was somewhere between a tiger and #house cat in size.
23- "Seems like you have a musical connection with everyone you meet." Her words had been a double-edged #sword to him.
24- One #building caught her eye, with its sheer size and stain glass details.
25- Plus if he loitered too long, he'd be late to #class.
26- Once #inside, she showered and found herself staring into her closet.
27- She needed to remember to encourage them all to have lives #outside the bar.
28- Staff loyalty and respect was next on the ever #growing list.
29- Even nearly #falling onto a guy and barely keeping her red rubies caged looked classy.
30- Angus and Scotty had the good sense to first agree with Woods, and then do their darnedest to get Brandon to #leave while he was still in one piece.
31- They were out in the public, it was #chilly, he was sure there was some law about it, and was she ready for what she was trying to do?
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1/8- Woods back again! The band and I thought it was time to talk again, especially since this month is art themed, and we are artists *someone snickers* Don't start that again mate… We're glad to be here in… (The Red Letters series)
2/8- Woods- Of course! We're musicians, so that is our favorite.
Brandon- "Women too"
W- "A fine bird's form can be a masterpiece yes, with legs for miles and plump shapes."
3/8- Woods- "Yeah mate, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, couple of car places. It's my passion, so why not go see it in a museum too if you can?"
4/8- Woods- "We play rock music, but I have listened to all kinds in my life. Never know what will inspire that next song of your own."
5/8- Woods- *laughs while the boys chuckle* "I prefer relaxed movies, in the sense that thinking too hard kills the buzz. Ain't nothing too relaxed about the movies I watch, especially if we just finished filming it."
6/8- Woods caught elbowing the blokes on the couch with him. "Unless this is Play boy, the answer to that question has to be music." *preoccupied by trying to help cover Brandon's mouth.*
7/8- Woods- "Maybe you haven't heard of us, but we are already famous for being a band. Tour regularly, another album in the works, so on and so forth. That's my legacy. Rock and roll lifer."
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8/8- "Thank god! Woods doesn't shut up. Brandon the lead singer and better showman ready to take control of this band interview…"
9/8- Brandon- "Depends what you're talking about. Realistic women, but their ink can be anything. Just better not be ugly where I have to stare at. Say no to cutesy tramp stamps."
10/8- Brandon- "Sure, action movies are my thing. Love a good Bond girl if you know what I mean…"
11/8- Brandon- "The only art I understand is music. Beyond that, I don't need to fake it, I just don't care."
12/8- Brandon- "Designer all the way. You don’t get on sexy lists wearing ill-fitting bargain basement bullsh*t. Plus the free clothes or marketing money isn't bad when you're famous."
13/8- Brandon- "Women. Enough said."
14/8- Brandon- "Certainly not gentle, in any way. Fair in music consideration, but mostly critical everywhere else."
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15/8- "Hey, you want to talk to me too? I'm Remmy, just the friendly security to Woods and occasional band wrangler when the manager is busy." *tips fedora in greeting, stepping up to stand behind Woods on the couch*
16/8- Remmy- "I like visiting museums for my hobbies yes. Then again, it depends on how you define art, as this one puts away food like no ones business, and this one has the habit of being the bands lightweight. That’s weird place art no one asks for…" *taps BGC*
17/8- Remmy- "After listening to this bunch bang around all night and day, I like to listen to a smooth station, or at least some smoother oldies."
18/8- Remmy- "Is it any different than watching the headbangers? Always wonder if they wake up with whiplash the next morning…"
19/8- Remmy- "Besides these guys? Not exactly. Plan on going to see someone and some music will play its part soon enough…"
20/8- Remmy- "My only art is information. Its how I keep Woods safe, keep the band life smooth and easy… Maybe in that way, I have picked up the juggling skill?"
21/8- Remmy- "What are you talking about? That's definitely the sort of question that skips over my head." *tips his fedora and straightens his bigger old school mod style jacket.*
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22/8- *Silence until Remmy prods a man* "What? Oh yo! Tour life's been rough man, gotta get your zzz's in when you can. Especially when Remmy rattles on." *straightens up* "I'm Josh aka Angus, and this is Scotty the drummer" *Drums on Scotty's gut to wake him up too*
23/8- Josh-"Got new bass art, and tattoos. My wifey doesn't like me looking at much, or it's an earful."
Scotty-"Man at least you get to look. My wife won't even let me play drums in my house because of the baby. I get kicked out when it screams like a metalhead."
24/8- Josh & Scotty- "The Terminator Mockingbird T800 comes to mind." "Did you ever see the Heineken drums? Or the plastic video game fakeness?" *nudged by other band members before they accidentally speak in unison* "My wife."
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29/8- *Both laugh, then Woods speaks for himself and Remmy* "Neither of us draw, and if we did, it would mostly be bollacks and bristols in Sharpies when the other passes out."
R-"It took a week to get the last one off  my chin…"
30/8- *Brandon talks over his bandmates* "There is a rather poorly done, wrong sided sort of bio out about me, but yes, I want more books about me, done CORRECTLY."
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sentientpillowcase · 3 years
Log 3. Lump Morphs into Stump
Entry filed 2020.09.17
Getting right into it this time. Step 2 was the target of the week. Let’s see how well I did.
Week 2020.09.11-2020.09.17
Step 2: Facilitating the journey of a book in the most comfortable and natural way possible
           A.K.A. [Planning Portion]
-        Put research and notes into action
-        Designate various media/methods to different works/manuscripts
-        Decide what is accessible/possible and what is not…
-        Update blog
-        Finish making stamps and stuff
-        Make more Snegurochkas
-        Finish(?) loose outline for casual digital release
-        Read more and take more notes (   = in possession, * = yet to arrive, books set aside for later have been omitted for now)
o   Amaranth Borsuk’s The Book
o   C. D. Wright’s Cooling Time: An American Poetry Vigil
o   Rachel Lois Clapham’s (W)reading Performance Writing: A Study Room Guide on performance writing
o   Jerome Rothenberg & others’ A Secret Location on the East Side: Adventures in Writing 1960-1980
o   Johanna Druker’s The Century of Artists’ Books
o   Ilya Kaminsky & Jean Valentine’s Dark Elderberry Branch: Poems of Marina Tsvetaeva
o   *Anne Carson’s Float
 Yep. I obviously failed. However, there’s always next week!
 In other news, I received two books from ILL. Much excite.~ Also got a book I didn’t order (at least I don’t think I ordered it); have to figure out how to return it even though it looks interesting…
 Now now. Enough. Time to look at the list of projects I have planned (god, I really hope there won’t be any more… but Baba Yaga is eyeing me from the corner of the woods…).
 Book (Object) Projects:
-        Tablet/Codex
-        Khipu
-        Zhar Ptizza/Firebird
§  firebird with plucked feathers
§  scroll
§  WIP: Tsvetaeva translation release
o   Translations of a few Tsvetaeva poems about poetry-writing
o   Columns beside one another (the Russian to the left of the English)
o   Handwritten? Or “handwritten” font?
o   Purchase Ikea roll?
o   Finalize manuscript
o   How to make scroll mechanism?.. Maybe just a stick around which parchment is wrapped and glued in place?..
-        Sadko
§  remorseful bard dood
§  ce
§  [on hold]: "guide" to translation how I go about it
o   Up-and-down script written on slates (probably cardboard) and wrapped together in a scroll-like pattern, kinds like sushi mats
o   Name: "Note: Write this as if translating"
o   Maybe five ways/steps of translating?
-        Snegurochka
§  leetl snow girl
§  handmade zine
§  WIP: to be made and distributedPost process on blog
o   Finish making stamps
o   Reproduce
o   Hold off on distributing for now
-        Kon'ok Gorbunok [search up spelling]
§  trigger-happy humped donkey
§  printed zine
§  WIP: documenting book-making process
o   Citing book-making process
o   Use this project as a means to try out different zine formats, then choose the most comfortable zine format for this project and reproduce/distribute
o   Ask everyone in class if they’re okay with me drawing likenesses of them writing their manuscripts as part of this book T^T (consent is key! I never know if something I do is inappropriate/disrespectful and I always feel bad ;M;)
o   “I wanted to immortalize the same silly yet relatable feeling that is prevalent in T. S. Elliot’s Old Possum’s Book of Practical Cats in this book about making books. Maybe a silly jig of a rhyme and beat structure? Hmm…” –sleep-deprived me, 2020
o   Prioritizing explanation of the book-making process but also showing the grueling efforts that go into the manuscript process (by caricaturing our class working on our manuscripts, i.e. Amanda building her house—if that’s allowed, of course hehe)—see below for a zoom-in of a doodle of snegurochka
o   Diary-like vibes (or a how-to book?), documenting senior project class’s journey and memories
o   Grayscale with thumbnail images and a self-made font…
o   Process plans in five steps:
o   Step 1- manuscript, planning process
o   Step 2- approval of manuscript
o   Step 3- experiment with rendering (using various techniques, i.e. accordion folding, butterfly binding)
o   Step 4- finalization and approval
o   Step 5- printing and distribution
-        Koschei
§  immortal doodoo skeletor
§  casual digital release
§  WIP: outline, handful of chapters
o   Dabbling in novel planning, on the go structure
o   Experiencing fast-paced researching, writing, and editing process
-        Professional digital publication
 Yes, there have been more characters added to the family. I really have to stop it before a dancing stove appears and asks Alyonushka to eat her pies… *sweats
 But I digress. Let’s check out the work I did for PROJECT: Firebird (translation scroll) so far.
 Translation (scroll) work from this week:
 Scrappy (Unpolished) Bio of Marina Tsvetaeva (1892-1941)
Tsvetaeva was born 26 September 1892 in Moscow. She had the same passion and stubborn will for what she loved possessed by her father. Her mother greatly influenced her artistic upbringing. She also had a sister. Just thought I’d put that out there. 
She started writing poems at a very early age (6 years young??!), writing in multiple languages as well as translating. Her early poems are like diary entries that are true to the moment. No truth can measure up to truth of/in a specific moment. That is the highest truth. She wrote like venting or breathing out onto the page. “I’m all cursive.” 
She married young and lived happily in the union for maybe 3 years or so before realizing that she should have kept her and her husband’s relations a friendship. She had some side stints throughout her life, though she was very family oriented. Bi-baby—she found being tied to one gender preference for life was “dull” and “boring.” What a free spirit. What a rebel.
She was the kind of poet who would rather write about humanity than take the “preferred” political side (ie writing with German sympathies though they and Russia were enemies in WWI, writing with pathos towards the white-army despite the Bolshevist favoring of red-army). 1916 is counted the year when Tsvetaeva’s true nature was revealed in her poetry. Tragic themes prevail in her works. She thought of death as an act of inner freedom, as a protest to the world that restricts people from having control over their destiny/fate. Her leaning toward tragedy came from within her conflicted, impassioned soul and later with experiences of WWI, violent Bolshevist movements, and other scarring events that were wrought by the former pair (i.e. the death of her younger daughter, the constant worries about her white-army soldier husband). 
During the revolutionary period in Russia, Tsvetaeva’s poetry had a repeating motif of empathizing (1917). Despite her white-army sympathies, she viewed the rebellion, first off, as a tragic, useless fratricide. For instance, in her poem, “Oh, Mushroom of Mine...” (or something of the sort) she (basically) writes “One [fallen soldier] was white — he became red: / Blood turned him crimson. / Another was red — he became white: / Death paled him.” (Sorry for the crappy translation, by the way...) 
Beginning in 1921 and going into the start of 1922, Tsvetaeva’s voice and approach drastically changed. Her poetry reflected her shifted outlook at the world and her own critical condition. The lightness and truthfulness of her earlier poetry were now replaced with complex images and uneven rhythms that fell as if tripping over themselves. In the following 2 decades of her life, her poetry would continue to evolve stylistically. 
In fall 1920, Marina almost ended her life when she heard news that her husband may be dead, as that was what she assumed her role as a spouse would intend her to do in this situation. In spring 1922, she left her homeland with her surviving daughter and husband, though she was not keen on doing so, but returned 17 years later with her family (which now also included a son) not being too keen on that either. Several other important events led up to her ending her life in 1941, but a lot of it is murky and I’d rather end this bio here. :,((
 Some Extra Notes on Poetic Style
Because of her free-willed personality, Tsvetaeva’s poesy is difficult to classify under any single literary/poetic movement of her time (though some people are tempted to count her early work as symbolist or neo-symbolist). She never really went with the flow, which is pretty cool. Very prospective thinker/writer. (***)
According to Pasternak, a close writer-colleague/friend of hers, every symbolist aspired to write like Tsvetaeva but simply couldn’t seem to get there. (Азбука-Классика «Душа, не знающая меры…»)
But her untamed verse and passionate diction was also bad for press at times, and, throughout her life, many people (particularly those supporting the reds) did not approve of the themes she chose to write about, as well as the methods she used in her poems.
She tends to mark words/phrases that stand out to her using hyphens and parentheses, which in the Russian language are more of an author’s guiding marks than strict grammatical/punctuation devices. She’s very committed to her craft. (***)
 My project
I have decided to translate a collection of poems Tsvetaeva composed about poetry-writing (as this is pretty close to my concentration and will best fit with my senior project). I have chosen 4 poems, so far, three unnamed and one called “Muse.”
(For formatting purposes, I have only pasted the last translated version of each poem in this blog. I have attached a word doc with the trial and error and with the original poems!)
 Poem 1
To my poems, which were written so early
When I did not know that I’m—a poet,
That had set off, like sprays from a fountain,
Like sparks from a rocket,
 That had broken, like little devils,
Into the shrine, where there’s slumber and incense,
To my poems about youth and death,
– Poems [that are] not read! –
 Thrown around in the dust from store to store
(Where nobody took them and no one will!),
To my poems, like to priceless wines,
Will [surely] come their time.
–May 1913, Koktebel’.
(if I add the bits in brackets, the last lines in the stanzas will all have 6 syllables like the original; but is it worth it? I don’t think so, but I’m not sure…)
 Poem 2
I — am the page to your feather.
I’ll accept everything. I am a white page.
I — am guardian to your kindness:
I will nurture and give back hundredfold.
 I — am the countryside, the black earth.
You are to me — a ray of sun and moisture brought by rain.
You are — the Lord and Master, and I—
Rich black soil—and white paper!
–27 July 1918
(since the word for “hundredfold” used in the og seems to be an archaism, I decided not to change it to tenfold 😊)
 Poem 3
Every poem — is a lovechild,
Indigent illegitimate child,
Firstborn — near the railroad
Left — to the mercy of the winds.
 To the heart — it’s hell and an altar,
To the heart — it’s heaven and shame.
Who is — the father? Maybe — a tzar,
Maybe — a tzar, maybe — a thief.
—1 August 1918
 Poem 4 [in beginning stages]
Without/no certificates, without/no forefathers/ancestry,
Without/no [an inversion? of a phrase used by Russian poets throughout time (i.e. Pushkin)]
 A Commercial Break: My Parents’ Side Comments
“elusive muse lol”
У музы затруднение ходьбы—She a limpin’ baby~
 Yeah. I have nothing of worth to put for “Muse”… Did some musing in the caf during dinnertime, though, if ya wanna check out the image attached… ://
 Now that that mess is over, here’s an updated guide for next week.
 Step 3: Being provocative and memorable
           A.K.A. [Drafting Portion]
-        Drafting the actual zines/books  (a copy of each if time allows?)
-        Decide what is accessible/possible and what is not… once more
-        Process notes
-        Update blog (wonderful tips from Julia:
o   quotes
o   more poems
o   notes for poems (do you ever hear or think of two words that sound good together and save them for later? or just me?)
o   observations (about the world, nature, things you see, etc.)
o   pictures of pretty books (Wilson, perhaps?)
o   book reviews
o   or those “reading wrap-ups,” summaries of everything you’ve read in the past week or two
o   how to make stamps
o   log of daily progress (today I learned…)
-        Keep reading (and note-taking)
 And that is the log for the week. Thanks for reading, folks~
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tigertanyx · 4 years
 According to Goodreads, my average rating is 3.8, which doesn’t feel quite right, but who am I to argue with data. As of now, I am 98 books in, but I fully intend to finish a short book and manga before midnight. it’ll be my first recorded year of reaching 100 books a year, but as I explained earlier, I feel like it made me bypass longer books. My longest book was On A Sunbeam, at 533 pages. That’s weak.
Read Bricks: My 2020 Reading Goal
This isn’t exactly a top books of 2019 post, because there are 2nd or 3rd choices of some months that are better than the #1s of other months. But I did notice a trend (3 months) where I would read the best book of the month as the first book of the month, and those were also the best books of the year.
Stats: 6 books, 2 contemporary, 1 fantasy, 1 classic, 1 manga, 1 mystery
And the best book:
If We Were Villains, ML Rio
I love this book, it was my favourite of 2019 and I still think about it. I found it on a whim, while I was aimlessly browsing the library. It’s about a Shakespeare group in college a cult, where one of their members were murdered and they all have something to hide. There’s a slow-burn m/m romance tragedy  that was painfully simar to my own gay awakening. But alas, I don’t own it, so if you guys want to gift it to me…
Stats:  7 books, 3 Contemporary, 1 horror, 1 manga, 1 historical fiction, 1 mystery 
The best book:
Darius The Great is Not Ok, Adib Khorram
This follows an Iranan-american boy whose granddad in Iran is ill, so his family is going to visit them so Darius can know him before he dies. It isn’t about the granddad though: it’s about Iranian culture, soccer, and a boy. Being gay can be a death sentence in Iran, so while there’s definite gay undertones, they never actually do or say anything. Their friendship is the purest thing, some hope while Darius is struggling with depression. 
Stats: 6 books, 3 manga, 2 horror, 1 contemporary 
The best book:
Autoboyography Christina Lauren 
This book made me upset. It’s about 2 boys, one who’s at peace with his bisexuality, and the other who’s a mormon. It deals with his struggle to love someone and go against his family and community. There’s also a writing seminar, where one has to write a book with the other coaching him. I thought that part could’ve been expanded more. There’s secret hikes and secret gay moments.
Stats: 8 books, 5 Contemporary, 1 satire, 1 horror, 1 manga
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Best book: 
View this post on Instagram
#currentlyreading Radio Silence! The voice is easy to drown in, I love the casual but unsubtle rep, and the artsy. #amreading #bookstagram #booknerd #lgbtpride🌈
A post shared by BrittainX (@killedbyabook) on Apr 29, 2019 at 10:24am PDT
Radio Silence, Alice Oseman
Kat @ paperback dreams loves this book so much, if you didn’t know. I was expecting some letdown, but I still love it. It’s about a gang that produces a sci-fi podcast called Universe City while they muse about what they’re going to do after high school. It’s an exploration of why college isn’t for everyone.
Stats: 8 books, 4 contemporary, 2 satire, 1 manga, 1 fantasy
Best book:
I Wish You All The Best, Mason Deaver
I hope you know what this is. I hope you read it. I will disown you if you haven’t.
Dear Ben De Backer/ I Wish You All The Best
Stats: 6 books, 4 Contemporary (1 manga), 2 romance
The Best Book:
View this post on Instagram
Important and real. Toxic relationships can be impossible to get out of and I don't think I've ever seen a more realistic f/f in fiction. Also, is Doodle non-binary? #amreading Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up With Me #bookdragon #booknerd #bookstagram
A post shared by BrittainX (@killedbyabook) on Jun 25, 2019 at 10:41am PDT
  Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up With Me, Mariko Tamaki , Rosemary Valero-O’Connell
Ahh, yes. The graphic novel about an emotional abusive teen f/f romance that explores what happens when you let yourself and neglect your friends with beautiful art.
Portraying Toxicity in F/F Relationships: Reading Jordi Perez And Laura Dean
(When booktubeathon happened) 13 books, 5 manga, 3 contemporary, 1 superhero, 1 Urban fantasy, 1 Poetry, 1 erotica 
Best Book:
Nimona, Noelle Stevenson
Two months with a top graphic novel, but that just shows how amazing they’ve gotten. Nimona is a shapeshifter determined to do evil for her master, unaware that his greatest rival used to be his greatest lover. Funny! Evil propo!
Stats: 8 books, 3 contemporary, 2 manga, 1 satire, 1 poetry, 1 spiritual 
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Best Book:
Sappho Of Lesbos, painted by John William Godward
Sappho, the lesbian poet of Greece. Her poetry haunted the lesbian areas of Greece. Lesbian greek poetry. What Are you waiting for?
Stats: 6 books, 3 manga, 2 supernatural, 1 sick lit
Big Sapphic Pie
Best book:
My beloved girlfriend Carmilla. Carmilla is a lesbian vampire in the classic, muddling girls’ minds with dreams and sex. It was adapted into a youtube series that I’m probably going to binge watch after I’ve read the two books I read to reach 100 this year (Bread and Roses, Too, The Fifth Beatle).
My Beloved Carmilla
Stats: 9 month, 5 fantasy, 2 manga, 2 contemporary
Best Book:
View this post on Instagram
Everything Leads To You started slow but had me close to tears at the end. The best f/f I have read thus far! #bookstagram #bookish #lgbtpride🌈 #ffbooks
A post shared by BrittainX (@killedbyabook) on Oct 1, 2019 at 5:14pm PDT
Everything Leads To You, Nina LaCour
F/F in LA! i loved how ingrained movies were in their lives, how it was their jobs, their relatives’ jobs, their passions. There’s also a realllly slooow burn romance! If Nina wrote a how-to slow burn guide, it’d be the book on how to write relationships.
Stats; 9 books, 4 manga, 2 dystopia, 1 contemporary, 1 spiritual, 1 fantasy
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This best book was tough, since a few stand out, however Fence is rated highest! Contenders are Dragon Pearl, A Quick And Easy Guide To They/Them Pronouns, and Lizard Radio.
View this post on Instagram
My immediate TBR! Dragon Pearl is a MG Asian inspired Rick Riordan Imprint book with a non-binary character. Out Of Salem is about a non-binary zombie. I'm going into We Contain Multitudes blind, but it's gay. * What are your reading plans? How far in advance do you tend to plan them? #bookstagram #bookish #bookdragon #lgbtpride🌈
A post shared by BrittainX (@killedbyabook) on Nov 12, 2019 at 9:06am PST
This is a no-brainer. The Deep by Rivers Solomon is about merfolk descended from pregnant captives on slave ships that were thrown overboard. Their babies were born in the water, barely functioning merbabies. 100 years later, the society remembers three days a year, the memories too heavy and their capacity to short for them to be held by anyone other than the Historian. But now she’s sick of it and wants to find herself. Super gay, written by a nonbinary author. 
View this post on Instagram
My December TBR plus #currentlyreading The Deep by Rivers Solomon and Tarnished Are The Stars by @rosieethor The Deep is about the decedents of the people captured on slave ships that jumped overboard, a society that can't bear to remember their past and gives all of the memories to one merperson a generation. Tarnished Are The Stars is set in a future where technology is banned, least humanity fall into the trap of destroying the planet- but our main queers use it to help people with medical problems. #amreading #bookstagram #ilovebooks #lgbt
A post shared by BrittainX (@killedbyabook) on Nov 30, 2019 at 8:56pm PST
2019: Top Books of The Month  According to Goodreads, my average rating is 3.8, which doesn't feel quite right, but who am I to argue with data.
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arplis · 4 years
Arplis - News: My 22 Goals for 2019 Week 49 of 52
My 22 Goals for 2019
Goal #1 Spend More Time Doing What I Love
Red alert people, RED ALERT. It was 6 degrees this morning when I woke up. SIX!!! That.Is.Chilly. The Girl and I were going to walk Lucy on the beach this morning but those plans have been scraped. Gaaaa. I think if its 6 degrees outside, all bets are off and you can most certainly declare it a pajama day. Whos with me on this?
Goal #2 Garden, Garden, Garden
Garden are done for the year. Yipee!
Goal #3 Plant an Orchard {Calling it Quits on this one.}
Lemon baby #3 is on the way and we are patiently awaiting her arrival.
Goal #4 Gussy Up the Potting Shed Done!
I gussied up the potting shed at our old house, but I would like to add some sort of potting station to the backyard here somewhere, but Im not sure where I would put it yet.
I did come across this photo on Author Susan Branchs Instagram page though of a picture she tooth at Colonial Williamsburg. Isnt it cute? I think I need one of those.
Goal #5 Grow Enough Extra Vegetables, Eggs and Flowers to Earn $1500 at my little roadside vegetable stand.
It was totally my intention to grow a ton of fruits and vegetables to sell at the farm-stand when I made my list of goals for 2019 last winter, but then we moved. So, that whole goal was sort of a bust. I do miss it though.
Goal #6 Finish Every Single Unfinished Rug Hooking Project in My Pattern Bin + 10 Things from back Issues of Magazines/Books Ive Been Meaning to Make.
While I didnt add any new finished hooked rug pieces in my Etsy shop this past week, I did hook 4 totally new rugs {1 of which will become a kit and 2 will be offered as patterns} as well as hand dyed a bunch of wool {that I was able to get listed in my Etsy shop}.
I have decided to go back to my old schedule of only listing new hooked rugs items on the first Friday of every month for next year as it seems less stressful to me. It allows me more time to hook, rather than stopping every few days to take photo, write up description and then post a single piece online. Doing it all in one big swoop seems less chaotic to me.
73 rugs in my pattern bin {now down to 16} < SO CLOSE!
183 hooked flowers {finished 150, now down to 33}
10 things from back issues of magazines {finished 0}
Goal #7 Create 12 New Rug Hooking Patterns {with at least half of them being large ones} DONE!
So far this year Ive added 12 new rug hooking patterns and 14 beginner rug hooking kits to my Etsy shop. I just added Santa and Rudy 1892 yesterday and am hoping to squeeze one more kit in before the end of the year.
New rug hooking patterns Ive created and added to My Etsy Shop this year:
Santa and Rudy 1892
Tullia and Thomas Turkey
Double Nantucket Whale Runner
Miss Henny and Penny
Miss Penny
Simple Kitty
Primitive Flowers
2 Fat Cats
Annabells Big Day
Old Fashioned Double Tulip
Fat Brown Hen
Busy Little Bee
Queen Bee
Rug Hooking Kits
Busy Little Bee {in 2 different colors}
Folk Art Heart
Small Nantucket Whale
Primitive Crow
Miss Robin {in 2 different colors}
Simple Kitty
Primitive Flowers
A Basket of Spring Posies
Fat Brown Hen
Chickys Garden
Goal #8 Split and Stack 2 Cords of Wood for Next Winter
All that firewood! We sold it.
Goal #9 Do Something with the 5,002 Photos on My Phone
Currently at 2415 Back up to 2565.
Goal #10 -Lose the Muffin Top Done!
Sweet digity!
Goal #11 Run, Walk or Crawl a 5k, 10k, Half Marathon and Marathon
As long as its not pouring rain tomorrow. The Girl and I are on for the Half Marathon. Wish us luck!
Goal #12 Read or Listen to 26 New Books {21 down, 5 to go}
No new books this week but we are planning a trip to the library later this week.
Books Ive Read or Listened to So Far This Year:
Marilla of Green Gables #1 Still my favorite
The Great Alone #2
The Aviators Wife #3
Before We Were Yours #4
Secrets of a Charmed Life #5
Whered You Go, Bernadette #6
Carnegies Maid #7
The Gown #8
Unbroken #9
The Alice Network #11
The Shape of Mercy #12
Wills Red Coat #13
Big Little Lies #14
Mr. Churchills Secretary
Born to Run
I Feel Bad About My Neck
Bunny Mellon {Doesnt count because it was my second time}
On Writing {Doesnt count because it was my third time}
Finders Keepers
50 Things to Do in Maine Before You Die
Following Atticus
Goal #13 Try 52 New Recipes.
39 down, 13 recipes to go. We tried 2 new recipes this week. 1 was a dud and the other I will share on Tuesday. And its a good one!
Goal #14 Clean Up 52 Old Recipes on the Blog
9 down, 44 to go. Why did I make this goal? Note to self: Make fewer goals for next year.
Goal #15 Fill 100 Canning Jars 72 down, 28 to go.
I made a batch of Christmas Jam for gift giving PLUS I tried a new recipe {that was inspired by Mrs. HB} this past week and the HH and I loved it so much, that Ill be making another batch {or maybe 2} of it today {Ill share the recipe on Tuesday}.
So far this year Ive I canned:
9 Jars of..
6 jars Christmas Jam
7 jars Spiced Pomegranate Jelly
7 jars Peach Jam
7 jars of Strawberry Jam
15 jars of Carrot Cake Jam
15 jars of Spiced Pear Jam
4 jars of Almond Pears.
Goal #16 Finish Furnishing Our House
We finished the roman shades for the kitchen nook and kitchen window. I plan on taking a break from making roman shades for the next month so I can finish making kits for my Etsy shop and paint out the entire kitchen area as well as finish a couple of art projects for the walls.
Goal #17 52 Dates with the HH {44 down, 8 to go}
The HH and I went on 2 date days this past week and one of them was to the Sabbathday Lake Shaker Village for their Shaker Christmas Fair and it was so overwhelming, we left after 5 minutes.
Overwhelming in the sense that although we could tell there was going to be a lot of people at the event by the distance we had to walk to the village, what we werent expecting was that once we walked in the doors of the trustees office {where the craft fair was being held}, it was SHOULDER to SHOULDER.
Like, being at a rock concert crowded. The HH didnt even make it 2 feet in before walking out and it took me nearly 5 minutes to get from the entrance and through 3 rooms and back out the door again without even being able to look or pick up anything it was so crowded. It was nuts. And totally not in the calm, welcoming Shaker spirit and all we wanted to do was leave. And so we did.
I do want to go back though at some point to visit the museum, but it will have to be an ordinary weekday with nothing on the event calendar, thats for sure.
Goal #18 Take One Adult Education Class Done {Ive taken 3!}
Block Printing Class with my neighbor.
Spoon Carving Classwith Heather.
Mini pottery lesson {I loved it! and now I want to sign up for a full class}
Goal #19 Secret Holiday Project{s}
Block print towels
Seed packet wreaths
Tea Bag Trees
Goal #20 Create 12 Wowie Zowie Party Platters
8 down, 4 to go. We are planning on making #9 tonight!
Goal #21 Visit 12 General Stores
10 down 2 to go. We visited a new country store yesterday!! The kind that offers human made {and local} baskets to customers to do their shopping with. Ill tell you all about it next week.
H.B. Provisions in Kennebunk, Maine
Chases Daily {I think it should count}
Squam Lake Marketplace
Harrisville General Store
Dodges Store in New Boston, New Hampshire
Zebs General Store in North Conway, New Hampshire
Dan and Whits in Norwich, Vermont
Husseys General Store in Windsor, Maine
Goal #22 Compete with Carole.. Get on My Front Door Game On
Would you believe not a single person walking by {or even a neighbor} has made a comment about the leg lamp in the window? I think theyre showing restraint, while my husband keeps telling me that they are in such awe of it, they just dont know what to say.
Ummmm Okay.
Front Door Bling Ive Made So Far This Year to Compete with Carole:
Late January : Valentine Heart
Late February : Shamrock
Late March : Giant Carrot
May: White wave petunia hanging basket
June/July: Tin Star and Flag Bunting
August : Sunflower
September: Indian corn and pumpkins
October: Pumpkins and spinner do hickeys
November: Indian corn and big pumpkins
December: Leg lamp and nutcrackers in the window and giant Christmas balls on the porch
How about YOU? What are your goals for 2019? If you told us about them HERE, check in! We want to know how you are doing. Because seriously, its so much easier to get those goals checked off your list when you have people rooting for you!
Have a great day everyone,
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P.S. If you are looking for a last minute gift for neighbor or a friend, I still have a few ornaments left in my Etsy shop and you can find them all HERE. UPDATE: The barred rock chicken is sold out but there are a few more chicken ornaments HERE.
You can read more about my 22 goals for 2019 HERE.
Have a Great Day!
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My 22 Goals for 2019 Week 48 of 52
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Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/my-22-goals-for-2019-week-49-of-52
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toomanysurveys9 · 6 years
Have you ever read the Hunger Games series? i have not. i’ve thought about it but i’m not sure if i’d like it. When was the last time you ran into something? yesterday at the factory i’m working at. Do you enjoy dressing up? not so much. i feel extremely uncomfortable with my body after having a baby and i’m still breastfeeding, so that doesn’t help. Do you live in the city or a rural area? city. but it’s a smaller city where there’s never anything to do. Would you say you have a sense of style? i do, but it’s just kind of big t-shirts and jeans.
What’s your biggest fear? failing as a mother and at life in general. Have you ever been bitten by a wild animal? i have not. Are you close to any of your cousins? we used to be when we were younger but as we’ve all grown up and life has happened, we’re not. Have you ever been lost in the woods? not really, no. Where did you last travel? last place of significance was kentucky this past may. Do you enjoy driving? depends. generally, i get pretty bored with it pretty quickly. i rather ride shotgun and pick the music or in back with wyatt. What song did you last listen to? whatever was on the radio. If you have a job, how often do you work? i’m working at a factory operating a rivet machine so i can afford christmas because jake wants to be an ass. that’s monday through probably saturday, 5 am to 2:30 pm. then i go home and take care of my baby love. oh. he also still doesn’t sleep through the night, so that’s been fun. i get no sleep. i can’t wait to be past christmas so i don’t have to work there anymore. it’d be different if i was doing something i loved, but i’m not. What time do you normally go to sleep at night? whenever wyatt decides it’s bed time. Do you watch a lot of movies? eh, kind of. we have netflix and movies and that’s alll.. Do you like Tom Petty? i think i enjoy a couple songs but i’m not a super big fan or anything. Would you rather have snow or rain? rain. i hate snow. it’s just cold and complicates driving. Do you own a lot of sweaters? i own two. i only have one here. Have you ever tried rock-climbing? i have not. i don’t think i’d be good at it. Ever ridden in a police car? yeah. when i was taken to this place to talk to a forensic psychologist about my cousins who abused me as well as others... Favorite decade of music? i guess the 90′s and early to mid-2000′s? Have any of your best friends been your best friend longer than a year? yeah. kayla has been and so has jake. Ever witnessed a murder? i have not. Do you care what people think of you? ugh. i do but at the same time, i don’t. it’s complicated. Does your room have a ceiling fan? no, it doesn’t. Would you consider yourself poised? nope. Have you ever tried blogging? only tumblr, and i’m not sure what i do here really counts.... Favorite television channel? food network and cooking... usa... stuff like that. Have you ever lied under oath? no, because i’ve never been under oath. but if i were, i definitely wouldn’t lie. What are your religious views? i don’t have any. Are you a romantic person? not so much anymore. used to try but it’s not really worth it. Would you consider yourself a flirt? not even a little. At what age do you plan to be married? i am married. i got married when i was 22 to jake, who i have been with since right before high school. Do you eat a lot of junk food? not a lot, but still probably more than i should. When did you last go on vacation? this past may. Are you resilient? i’m not sure that’d be a word anyone would use to describe me. Have you ever failed a subject before? nope. If so, what was the class? Do you wear more bright or dull colors? dull. i wear a lot of grays and black. Do you know anyone who has attempted suicide? a few people, myself included. What’s your favorite quote? "and she loved a little boy very, very much; even more than she loved herself.” Would you consider yourself mature? for the most part, yes. How many clocks are in your house? i don’t know the exact number but we have quite a few ways to know the time.... most aren’t actually clocks exactly though. Do you play any sports? i do not. What is your biggest life regret? trusting anyone. ever. Have you ever been injured in a car accident? i have not. If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be? far away from here. Have you ever had highlights in your hair? i have not. too much work. Favorite fast food restaurant? i don’t really have a favorite. In what country were you born? the u.s. Are your eyes more than one color? no. just blueish. Have you ever caught something on fire? nothing comes to mind. What would you consider your biggest flaw? i’m emotional. i care too much. What do you think your best quality is? i don’t even know. i guess i’m a pretty good mom.
Do you enjoy listening to others’ problems? i mean. i’m not sure i’d say i enjoy it. i feel horrible when i hear about the things people are going through.... i’m good at it though. Do you keep any plants in your house? nope. What is your mother’s occupation? stay at home mom. Do any of your friends like your musical style? yeah.. for the most part. What are you most looking forward to? quitting the factory job. What was your favorite television show as a child? i don’t know. when i was really little, barney. Are you afraid of insects? certain ones, yes. Are you cold-natured? lately i have been. How old were you when you got your first pet? i don’t remember exact age. Did you/do you enjoy high school? i enjoyed some of it. What would you say was your favorite age? young child before all the bad. but i really like my current age thanks to wy. What annoys you most about social networking? almost everything yet i use it. lol. i really hate that people hide behind their phones and computers and think it’s okay to be assholes to people. Are you the center of attention most of the time? not even close, which is fine with me. What are you currently reading? willow. most of my books got taken to storage. When did you last go to the library? it’s been a very long time. Are you ill at the moment? nope. just tired. Do people tease you about anything? yeah... i have a lot of weird quirks i guess. How late did you stay up last night and why? it was after 11:30... i wanted to finish watching john wick.
Have you ever written poetry? yeah. i used to really enjoy it. Curtains or shades? we usually use shades. How many people have you spoken to in the last hour? six. Do you tend to text a lot? no. i have no one to talk to. Ever lost a great best friend? yeah. story of my life. What is your favorite kind of flower? lilacs. How tall are you? about 5′3″ or something. Do you own any guns? not at the moment. my husband has quite a few though. What would you say is your favorite book of all-time? there are too many amazing books to choose. Do you think you’re living a good life? eh. there’s a lot of bad right now. What’s your least favorite part of the day? when i have work, that’d be it. Are you an over-achiever? depends what it is. Have you ever won an award for a speech? no. i hate speeches so i don’t give them much. Do you tend to curse a lot? sometimes, yes. Have you ever played on the Ouija board? nah. no reason to. they’re not real. Do you sleepwalk? nope. Have you ever slept on the floor before? many times. Are you a fan of public displays of affection? eh. depends. personally, i’m okay with holding hands, hugs, and maybe some not super intense kissing, but i’m not a super open person. When did you last attend a yard sale? a couple years ago. Do you wish your life were simpler or more interesting? more interesting i guess. What goals do you wish to accomplish tomorrow? just spending time with my baby. When is your birthday? september 1st. Which is worse: going blind or deaf? both would be hard to adjust to since i’ve had both senses my whole life. What was the best part of today? cuddles with my baby. and getting to take a nice, warm shower. i even got to shave my legs. Do you attempt to stay away from drama? for the most part, but it somehow manages to find me from time to time.
What liquid did you last drink? sprite. Do you ever prefer to be alone? i’m fine if wy is with me always, but other than him, yes. Have you ever had a deadly animal as a pet? no. Favorite Disney movie? the lion king. Have you ever been to the beach? yes. it can be fun. If you have, how many times have you been? lots of times. we used to take yearly trips to florida. What was your dream occupation at age ten? singer. Are you terrified at the idea of weight-gain? i have self-esteem issues, so it kind of does i guess. Do you drink a lot of water? not as much as i should. i don’t drink anything as much as i should. Does your room have carpet or hard-wood floors? it’s the floor that was under the carpet so neither. Do you take naps daily? nope. Who were you named after? first name is after a character on a soap opera. middle name is after my nanny (aka my mom’s foster mom). Do you plan on traveling this spring or summer? this spring and summer has passed. Do you know anyone who is colorblind? no one comes to mind. Have you ever been a teacher’s pet? jake has called me that. What is your absolute favorite hobby? reading and playing with wy. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? twice, depending how many times i’ve eaten and whatnot. Ever been to a tanning bed before? i have not. Are you satisfied with your financial stability? no. Who is your favorite actor/actress? misha collins, jensen ackles, and jared padalecki.
Are your nails painted? no. as always. What’s the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone? i’m sure i said some not too nice things to michelle but she’s a psycho bitch who wanted to talk shit about me as a parent and wy. that shit isn’t going to fly with me. i suck at every aspect in my life EXCEPT that one. and who the hell talks about an innocent baby, and your nephew who you tried claiming to love so much at that? like seriously. and we won’t even go into the shit that was said when i was pregnant because she was jealous i was pregnant first (she wasn’t even seeing anyone). oh, and all of that drama started because i said her brother said we weren’t going to her grandpa’s house but that i’d talk to him. apparently he’s not a grown man who makes his own decisions. sorry. i am still having issues with her and jake’s entire dad’s side and it’s pissing me off. Do you ever accidentally talk to inanimate objects? i’ve never accidently talked to them, no. What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? lately, plain vanilla is fine. Have you ever kissed someone of the same gender? on a dare, twice. Do you receive any hate mail? nope. Have you ever sent a letter in the mail? yeah. a long time ago. If you could, would you have a pen pal? eh. it’s whatever. What color are the pants you’re wearing? blue jeans. Have you ever had a stalker? not really. What is your life philosophy? i’m just trying to be the best mom i can and trying to give wy a good life. other than that, i don’t care much about life. Who last sent you a goodnight text message? no clue. Do you own any clothes that are your favorite color? yup. Have you ever been in a hot tub before? yeah. they’re pretty nice. What’s your favorite comedy movie? i just watched fist fight and that one was pretty good. i’m also a robin williams fan and jim carrey.
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aurea-corde · 7 years
this is me
I guess I should introduce myself. My name is Yux. I’m 18 and was born in Singapore but moved to Australia in 2006 and have been living there ever since. 
Here are some fast facts about me: 
I’m an INFJ although the F/J is usually around 50/50
I’m an avid book reader/lover. 
I’m Asian-Australian 
I believe in soul mates, but don’t think they are restricted to the romantic kind 
I am a fast paced human bean
My Chronic Disease story: 
Recently I was diagnosed with non-radiographic spondylo-arthritis which is form of arthritis that mainly affects the spine and large joints like the hip. It had been a late diagnosis as I’ve been suffering with joint pain since 2015. 
This diagnosis didn’t come as a shock, months ago I had given up playing sport and could no longer exercise. My sleep was interrupted every night, 4-5 times a night I would wake up because of the pain. I had to quit my part time job because I couldn’t stand for long periods of time. My attendance at school had dropped because some days the pain was so bad I couldn’t get out of bed.  I stopped playing cello because my wrists were no longer strong enough, and it was only April of 2016 that I went on my second music tour to Italy to perform as principal cellist. 
By late August of 2016 I was diagnosed by a rheumatologist and began treatment. I began on the slow and often ineffective Naproxen which affected my ability to concentrate and did little to help with the pain. During school exams I had to read multiple choice questions 6 times in order to get it into my head, my concentration was non-existent. Previously I had been a fast and avid reader, usually digesting a book every week or so but this stopped too. Slowly and slowly I had to give up so much of what I believed to make up who I was as a person.
In between visiting the doctor, studying for exams and giving up a lot of my interests and hobbies (physically) my boyfriend at the time told me that he couldn’t cope with “me being sick”. And so in that already difficult month I lost a relationship too. A relationship with him, with myself and with all my physical passions. 
I turned 18 in September and through the whole month I felt like I was nothing, an empty pistachio husk of who I used to be. All my successes, accomplishments and the things that made me who I was no longer existed or could continue to exist in the same way. I was on new medication and now had a cane. I couldn’t walk for more than 10-15 minutes without it. I was cold all the time and had lost weight because the meds took away my appetite. 
In October I met a boy. Although this is another story I thought it was important to mention him because his support will be significant later on. 
Our final high school exams began during the month of November. I live in Western Australia, so these were called WACE. Exams are tough even for normal able bodied people that do not have medical conditions, mental illnesses or disabilities. This set of exams were incredibly arduous for me as the Schools Curriculum Board decided to deny my special exam conditions, only allowing for me to have non-working time even though I had specifically requested the use of a keyboard as I couldn’t write for more than 20 mins before the pain got so bad that my hands would shake and I was no longer able to hold a pen, let alone write anything legible. Even with the rest breaks I only ended up finishing 30% of each of my exams and missed my last exam. This of course left me distraught because I’d always been the type to push myself academically, and in anything that I had set out to do. 
I felt incredibly disappointed in myself. Although I had never been a fan of standardised testing, I had work hard throughout the year in order to prove myself and display my capabilities. I had believed wholeheartedly that the Schools Curriculum Board set out to give every student an equal and fair opportunity to perform to the best of their abilities. I felt as if I had been discounted and completely forsaken.
I had the privilege to be educated, to go through secondary schooling only to not perform the best I could. I was letting down myself, my parents, my friends and all those kids that didn’t have the opportunities to attend school. Of course, in reality no one saw it that way. They told me that I was strong and brave for still turning up to the exams even though I knew that less than half the paper would be completed. 
It wasn’t till a close friend told me that I should focus on doing the best of my abilities in the circumstances I was in. It stuck with me. So even after all the chatter after each exam I would go home, chant that mantra, watch a movie and live another day. 
“A number does not define me. An exam does not define me. I am doing better than I think I am.”
When my exams finished I focused on renewing the untouchable core that I knew was within me. The fire that burned from within that could not be extinguished by comparatively small troubles. For such a long time I felt like I was less than enough, not in the eyes of others but in my own eyes. I was less of me, or rather less of what I used to be. 
It wasn’t before long that I got sick of feeling sorry for myself. I decided to not settle for less. Yes, I’d gone through some shit in the last couple of months but this was not how I was going to let it end - this was a learning curve. This was the sandstorm in Murakami’s “Kafka on the Shore” and I was going to come out stronger than ever. 
I had forgotten that I was a whole person; and although so much of me felt empty and like a failure I had succeeded already by being me. I found tiny victories in getting out of bed, eating a whole bowl of food, going to school even if it was for half a day. 
A disease does not define me, my successes and accomplishments do not make me who I am. Under all the onion layers and walls I built up there is the untouchable core. There is the bookworm girl and nothing will ever change that. 
In December I flew home to Singapore, 5kg less than my normal weight and have been here for nearly 2 months now. Although on new meds, my body is coping as well as I can hope. There was a lot of anxiety in the lead up to this trip. I found myself having an unexpected amount of existential crises, more than the norm. There is significant worry that can be expected in the coming of age of many young people in society today. I booked my plane tickets wholeheartedly believing that the distance away from home would help me find some inner peace - a kind of pilgrimage to the untouchable core. An Onsen spa for my mind. 
Having arthritis and chronic pain is difficult to say the least. But it has taught me so much about who I am in times of trouble and my capability to rise from the ‘ashes’. The pain and struggle has inspired me to discover the ‘new’ me, even though it has always been the same me - I am finally able to look it in the face and say “hello”.
My Advice for people who suffer from a chronic disease: 
1. Assess your support system:
My parents have been a pillar of support. Reminding me every day that I am unconditionally loved. Unconditionally loved meaning that no exam, no hardship, no number and no disease could ever change their unwavering love and support they have for me. My friends have always believed in me and continue to do so everyday. They held my hands when I could not open pasta sauce jars, the listened to me rant about how I hate being in my own body, they loved me and read my angst filled poems. 
Your loved ones may not always be able to or fully understand what it is like to be in a sick person’s body but they will always support and love you. Let them in, let them love you because you deserve to be loved by them. 
2. Educate yourself about your disease. 
It is important to know what is making you unwell. When you are seeing the doctor or going for blood tests, picking up prescriptions; do so with an open mind and with listening ears. Learn about treatments, management plans, new diets, medication, exercises, see those specialists, spend time to learn about it. 
3. Dig yourself out of the self pity. 
Yes I know, it really sucks. Its hard and sometimes you want to give up but you can’t. You may not get better, be cured or go back to normal life but you can try. I don’t know you and I won’t ever understand how hard it is for you because I’m not in your body but I can tell you this: self pity is not a proven effective treatment in any disease or mental illness.
Sitting there feeling sorry for yourself every single day is not going to help you in any way. There are so many things you can do to help. Accomplish something small everyday, even if it is tying your shoelaces, having a hot shower, making a cup of tea, watching a whole movie without falling asleep. DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY AND MAKE YOU FEEL WHOLE. 
Yes you are unwell, being sick sucks but you can do things that you still enjoy that will make you happy. A positive outlook and being resilient will make enduring all the pain and tiredness easier. 
4.One word: Self-love 
A poem I wrote: 
“We might die from medication but we sure did kill all the pain" 
I stood in the doorway for a moment
pausing to calculate 
if this is so, and that was so
A whole year has past
and not long before 
I stood trembling,
beneath such a fear 
That it would be the end of all I knew 
and so nothing I became
simply vanished into the
outline of this is so
forming the endless void 
of a shadow of that was so 
I crossed those plains and 
across oceans, aboard planes.
Drinking wine like it was a new oxygen. 
now I stand in the same doorway
replaying to count
this time, and that time
not wishing to mis-remember 
all the things that came to be
and so this was so. 
Thank you for listening to my story and thank you for Mimi for creating a platform of voices. If you read all of that another big thank you. 
I am here to listen to you too. 
Yux (@acidist)
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adaptform · 7 years
Not so much Lost in the System but…
Mid-November 2015 I hesitantly pick up my phone and text a friend asking if it’s ok to ring. A positive reply is received. I pause…  With a growing sense of dread I press to ring and slowly lift my phone to my ear. The dull trills seem to last a lifetime as I wait for an answer. This phone-call signalled to my friend that things were not as they should be; a deteriorating state of mental health which had seemingly come from nowhere. Incoherent explanations of my thoughts were naturally met with confusion and I wouldn’t even talk in detail about what was happening because I was so scared of what would be thought of me, what others would then say about me. A feeling that has not left me.  
December 2015 I go to a GP. The system where I live in theory is meant to make it easy for someone to get an appointment by offering times at different surgeries if one venue is fully booked. It does not make it easier… after numerous phone-calls on the mornings of numerous days I finally get to see someone. I take time out of work secretly to drive about 30 mins to the GP. It’s busy and uncomfortably warm which does not calm my growing anxiety. They are running about 40 mins late. All I can think is that I should be back before the next hour strikes to finish the work I had left to be here. As this deadline passes more worry, more heat, and I’m surrounded by sick old people. My name gets called. I am rushed into a room. I am rushed to speak. I do not know how I am meant to speak about this at all let alone quickly. However with previous experience of mental health difficulties at least I have a starting point unlike some people in similar positions. I am given some leaflets… I am told there are some groups that offer support but also after hearing what I have said the GP says words to the effect of “but it doesn’t sound like a group environment will be beneficial to you”. End of appointment. All I want is to speak to someone one to one but after this I feel totally discouraged from speaking to anyone at all. I’ve spent so long waiting that I rush home to try and finish work. I make my excuses about why I haven’t been able to.
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March-ish 2016 I am encouraged to go back to a GP. I go to a different practice and see a wonderful nurse who not only listened to me but directed me to clarify what exactly it is I am feeling, as best as I could. She gives me some leaflets. Then tells me I have to go to the surgery I had previously visited to see a mental health link worker. At this point all I can think is that I hope it is not the same person as I saw previously…
I go back to the one place I don’t want to be… I see the mental health link worker (who is thankfully not the person who had no time for me). They essentially repeat everything the nurse had said, also admitting the mental health services in this part of the country are not adequate, not meeting the demand of the service and that waiting is inevitable. She then tells me the main point of entry is the Suffolk Wellbeing service which adopts a self-referral process. This is the first time I hear the words “self-referral”. Why didn’t anyone else tell me this before??? Months wasted… If I had known then I wouldn’t have had to even go to a GP… frustrated and feeling pretty f***ing worthless I head home. The next day I refer myself to Suffolk Wellbeing…
At this stage about 2 people know I have referred myself.
I wait for a fortnight for a letter to come through the post. I then wait for a phone-call about having a phone assessment to help decide what kind of support I could get from the service. A phone assessment is booked. I wait about a month for this to happen.
I have a phone assessment. I still do not feel confident in finding the words to coherently speak about how I feel. It’s a clunky call, me speaking myself into circles while questions try to clarify my standing. The phone-call turned out to be a relevancy test. Assessing whether it is appropriate for me to use the service. Although asked about what support I think I need – someone to speak to, I just want someone to talk to! – everyone is made to go through a series of lectures referring to mental health. I am told about a series of lectures under the title of ‘Stress Control’. Even those words are generalised. I am told in order to access any further support I must attend these. I am then told the next set of lectures is in September 2016. If my situation deteriorates in this gap i am encouraged to contact my GP. And I think we can all agree that I won’t be doing that.
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Typically I miss the first lecture as I was abroad. I attend the rest. For each lecture you are asked to fill out a questionnaire to assess your levels of anxiety and depression. It was late last year that I found out these were written by drugs companies, which explains why all the words used in the questionnaire are all so doom and gloom. They are geared up to signal that someone needs drugs not that they need support. There is a massive difference. Why this is an accepted method in understanding someone’s mental health in this capacity I fail to understand.
The lectures themselves have an audience of about 30 people so the content is diluted… heavily diluted. They mention processes and plans to figure out your vicious cycle and to rationalise your thoughts which is all fine. Fine if you don’t have a job or any sort of commitment so you could actually spend time doing it at the moment of anxiety or depressive moods. They of course also encourage making time in an evening or weekend to figure out thought processes. Each week little handbooks for each topic are given out to refer back to every generalised thing that is said at the lectures. I go through all the handbooks. I still have them and will again revisit. Mainly because what else am I meant to do?
(Side note: Lectures, in terms of someone’s interest in the topic is affected by the person leading the lecture, the person speaking at the front of the room. I suggest they review some of those speakers.)
At the end of the last lecture we are all told what happens next. We will receive a letter through the post. It will either state that judging from your questionnaires that it is not believed you require further support OR it invites you to request a review assessment.
I wait a couple of weeks for my letter.
It invites me to review if I so wish. Yeah I think I’ll do that. It take multiple attempts across a few days to get through to the service on the phone. Saturated is the word that comes to mind. And a review phone assessment is booked.
I wait for a letter to confirm.
November 2016 my phone assessment arrives and I again attempt to explain what it is I am feeling. The person on the phone tells me I have explained myself very well and really tries to give me the support she knows I need. She suggests a couple of options and then asks me to hold the line… she comes back with the option of seeing someone face to face for a CBT assessment. The seeing someone in a one on one situation was what I knew I needed from the beginning… I am told there will be a wait. Realistically I will be waiting until Feb 2017… My feelings of content after being listened to and feeling as if the person on the end of the phone went out of her way to help me was met with disillusionment. I know it is not their fault that I have to wait. They don’t have that sort of control over how the service they provide is implemented. They can only use the resources they have to provide the best possible support for the increasing influx of people with mental ill health. But reading this you can imagine how my frustration over all these gaps has by now turned into a reluctant acceptance and well I feel pretty bummed out…
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Surprisingly come January I receive a letter in the post with an appointment date on in. It’s for that very same month!
I recently attended this session, one-to-one, face-to-face and because of it was able to talk openly about what I consider to be the problem, where I think it stems from and what I think will help. You can’t have that kind of interaction with someone over the phone or during a lecture. Because this system really enjoys circles the support which is then offered to me, as after all this was just another point of contact to direct me to another area of support, is group CBT. I have by this point already expressed my fear of group support, that I will not be able to address the things I need to with others there but after discussing all the options this was still the support thought to be most beneficial to me at this time. Upon leaving I feel a mixture of relief and well I just want to give up.
I am currently waiting for someone to tell me when this group CBT will begin.
I’ve been referred to Suffolk Wellbeing since March 2016. My first GP visit concerning this which I would still count as part of “the system” December 2015… It has been over a year since I sought professional help. I don’t exactly feel positive about the time I have been working through this process. You must agree this is not acceptable. Perhaps needless to say I do not have the money to pay for talking therapy or other types of support. I live in a village in Suffolk and in terms of professional help I am not even close to feeling like I am supported.
To reiterate Suffolk Wellbeing are not completely at fault here. There is a bigger issue to hand including the general awareness of what mental health is and the conditions referring to it as a result of mental ill health. There is no one model that will ensure that this experience is not replicated many times over. It is not something that can be rolled out nationally, it must be tailored at least regionally and again to the individuals using the service. The resource in this region is poor. I have had mental health first aid training to help others (yeah… I know right… others…) for both adults and young people, both tutors of those courses explained the state of mental health support structures in this country as poor. Theresa May in her grand Charity Commission speech focused on mental health. Her words were welcome but a significant number of mental health charities have voiced their concerns over the plans and unfortunately as is usually the case money has a lot to do with this. On the subject of charities it would be ignorant of me not to mention the growing number of organisations that exist to advise and help those with mental health issues. Time to Change, Mind, Young Minds, Blurt Foundation to name a few. And for a more creative take on it The Sad Ghost Club are a personal favourite. They make zines and other crafty bits all centred around mental health with the money they make from sales going towards workshops with young people to express their mental health creatively. There is a growing amount of online resources available.
I 100% do not want to discourage anyone from using the kind of service that I am still using especially if you are struggling with your mental health. These are the kinds of services that should be a go to and should address your needs genuinely and in a timely manner. I write about my experiences not to unjustly criticise but because more awareness is needed of both mental health conditions and the support structures that are in place.
As a final note try as hard as can to not fall silent. I have not included in the above the ongoing support I get from friends who I hope know how thankful I am for them being in my life. It has been difficult trying to explain my thoughts to those who have had no experience of anxiety and depression but if I didn’t say anything at all then my situation would deteriorate further. I am just sorry that they have equally had to spend this amount of time living alongside this.
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slmorganposts · 3 years
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I could really use some outside perspective on this. So I [28 m] was in a relationship with with a 42 year old woman - she has 2 kids, is divorced, and let's call her Shannon - and am not sure if she's just manipulative or I'm an asshole for real. Just fyi I'm a virgin.We started texting last February, and quickly realized we had a lot of things in common and conversations were really great. Eventually we started discussing more intimate things, and although we couldn't physically hang out - I was finishing my BS in NY, and she lived in my home state of TX - we texted every day. One of those days she asked me what my parents would think if we dated. My reply was that they wouldn't care, which was true - because when I went back that May after graduation I told them I was seeing her. I didn't think I had anything to hide, and I stood behind my decision.Anyway, back to February, after a few days after she asked about dating, she told me that she had had an abortion back in September of '17. She told me that her ex was abusive and an addict and that when she got pregnant he made her get the abortion. She had been struggling with depression ever since and that I was the only person, beside the friend who took her to the clinic, who she had felt comfortable/safe enough to tell. I was shocked, but felt so much for her that I tried to be as supportive and loving as I could. It made me really consider our relationship and what I thought about her. After thinking on it I came to the conclusion that I still had feelings for her, and she wasn't any less of a good person or somehow unworthy or dirty. It was a decision I didn't make lightly, because I can only imagine how hard that must be on a woman, and if I continued the relationship I couldn't half ass it; that if I was in, I had to be in 100%. So we continued talking and I kept on trying to build her up. Eventually she said we should hang out at her place for spring break and we could "play" cause her daughters were going to be with their dad. I immediately agreed and used some of my school loan to buy a plane ticket.The time came for spring break and I went back to TX, excited and nervous all at the same time because I hadn't told her I was a virgin. Well the week in TX came and went and all of a sudden she went MIA. I texted her to see if she still wanted to hang out at her place, and got no reply. I was really crushed, not only because of we were going to "play", but because I really wanted to be with her in person. I started to get in my head and I figured she had decided I wasn't good enough because why would she would want to be with me - she's a really great looking woman, and a great person, she could have anyone she wants. So when Friday came, I decided to text her to tell her that although I was sad we hadn't met up, I understood that she had decided she didn't want to be with me, and that after all the honesty she had with me, I had to come clean and tell her I was a virgin and that she deserved for me to have the balls to be equally honest. I realize amd abortion and virginity are not equal, but I had never mustered up the courage to tell someone, much less someone I was romantically interested in. I wished her and her girls all the best and I would completely understand if she didn't want to talk anymore.Days went by, and I had not heard back from her, which I kind of expected, why would she want to be with a 28 year old virgin still finishing his bachelor's degree. Once I got back to NY, I started getting ready to go back to classes the next day, and she texted me. She said she was sorry that she had been with her family and her phone fell in water the Wednesday before, and that she finally read my text and it made her cry. She told me that there was nothing wrong with me, that she was sorry she couldn't communicate with me and that she hadn't been able to get away from her family, and that she wamted to pursueour relationship. I was thoroughly shocked. That was not what I was expecting at all. So we continued texting. I decided to trust her. For the rest of the semester we kept on talking and shared our account passwords to be able to watch movies and tv shows together, in a way.Graduation came and then it was time for me to go back to TX and find a job. Before all of this I had planned on staying in NY and do everything possible to get a job there. When I got back we made plans to meet up again, but this time just to be with each other because she wasn't feeling well, and her daughter would be home. I agreed, I really wanted to see her and be with her. We did hang out, I met her youngest daughter and she hung out with us for a bit watching a movie. While watching the movie we were next to each other and got closer; to the point where she rested her head on my chest/shoulder and I put my are around her. Her daughter left a few minutes into the movie and we kept watching TV till late at night. I ended up staying over and sleeping on her couch. The next morning we woke up and watched some tv - the royal wedding was on - and I eventually took off.We texted every day and her health got worse, she had already been feeling ill and by a week later she ended up going to an urgent clinic. We made plans to hang out for her birthday but she ended up going to the hospital, turns out she had sepsis. She recovered, but her doctors recommended she have a couple of check ups in the months following to make sure her organs healed up. During this time she ended up having to take all kinds of meds for her heart and antibiotics till she was in the clearWe hung out one more day, but her ex's step mom was there because they were supposed to travel to Alaska for a couple of weeks so that they could visit with the girl's grandparents. She told me to tell her ex's step mom we had met in class at the University of Houston, and that it how we knew each other. I agreed and when we met up at her place we cuddled and watched movies. By the time it was time for me to go, she asked me if I would stay at her place while they were gone so I could watch her cats, get her mail, and also so I could get some space from staying with my parents. I agreed, and the day they were to fly out came and I arrived at her place. They were already gone, but that was expected. She told me they were leaving at noon so they could check in to a hotel near the airport. When I got there I got settled in, but I ended up getting a call from her around 10-12; she was crying and said that her ex's step mom had started drinking and that she was getting abusive. She asked me to please go pick her and her youngest daughter up. So I did. When I pciked her up she was bawling. She was like "babe that was awful" and we hugged. I hadn't thought about it before but her oldest daughter - who was 16 - had decided she was still going to go. Or at least not come with us. Her 16 year old ended up not going. But when we got back she told me that she couldn't go to a place so far away where she would be isolated from everything and that if her ex's step mom would get belligerently drunk she would have nowhere to go; she didn't want to be stranded.Well when we got back to her place we stayed up cuddled up in her couch watching tv.I left the next morning and we kept on talking. Around the first week of July she asked me if I could please go with her and her youngest daughter to a slime convention, her daughter really wanted to go and she was feeling anxious. I agree and she booked us a hotel. The plan was for me to go and hang out and "play" the Friday before the convention and I could stay over and drive us on Saturday to Dallas.When I got there on Friday she was a bit tipsy, but I can't judge, I mean although I don't skip work or miss out on any of my responsibilities, I do drink quite a bit. She described herself as a lush, and I in my opinion that was something else we had in common. Her daughters were both home, and she had rearranged her living room so that the couch was on the wall between her oldest daughter's room and the living room, and her youngest daughter's room, which is adjacent to her room and only separated by a door with glasses, had the doors wide open. Her daughter's room leads into her room. Anyway we were hanging out having a good time and her 12 year old said she was hungry, I hadn't drank at all and felt I could have some beer said I would get her a bugger and a milkshake and after we could pick up some beer and wine cause she was out. We went and I got the food for her kid, and two bottles of wine and a six pack. I thought two bottles was a bit much but thought hey if I finish my six pack I can get some wine. So I paid for it. When we got back home we started drinking a bit and talking and her 12 year old showed me her wiccan stone on a string. She asked me to ask it questions so I played along, and asked some questions. She told me the answers and what not. She was having fun so everyone was happy. Eventually her mom and I started talking about music and our favorite songs so her kid left. I got up for a beer, and somehow the subject came up and she said that I wasn't going to be losing my virginity that night so I shouldn't expect sex. I was alright with that so we kept to chilling and we kept on having a great time, her legs over my lap and just kidding around. Eventually when we got really close I decided to spoon her. She said "we're not having sex", which was totally ok. I decided I wasn't going to push it to sex, but I wanted to caress her. I was really turned on, and my hands were rubbing her legs and thighs. Btw she was wearing really short and tight shorts, and she unbuttoned them after a while. We spent several hours talking and listening to music and cuddling. She went through a whole bottle of wine and started on the second. She eventually grabbed my hand and put it on her abdomen. My immediate thought was to put my hand down her pants, but then I saw the door open and she said she didn't want sex, so I didn't. Which was fortunate cause her 12 year burst in pissed off because the music was too loud and it was 2 am. I immediately took away my hand and we both started laughing cause she was so mad and we almost got caught. I didn't think it was a big deal, by 3 am she said let's have sex. I was like alright, but I knew there was no way her kids wouldn't find us. She then thought about it and realized we had no privacy. So we kept on cuddling and talking in the couch in the living room and her 17 year old yelled, that she wanted to go to sleep and that she could hear everything. So Shannon yelled at her, and then got up and stormed into her room yelling and really aggressive. She shut the door behind her and from I heard was her daughter screaming cause Shannon was pulling her hair, threw her cellphone at her kid's head, and told her she had to call her dad right then to pick her up and take her away; the 16 year old was gonna be spending the weekend alone for the first time that weekend . Her daughter was crying and I thought about going in the room and bring her out. Then I thought I'm a latino with a DUI on my record, and god forbid this woman turns on me and I have to subdue her without hitting her, and someone calls the cops. I would have been fucked. So I stayed out of it, against my better sense. After about 5 minutes Shannon came back and we sat back down on the couch. When I thought she had calmed down? She got back up again and went back into the kid's room this time though I was ready and followed her in before she could close the door. She was all kinds of pissed off, I could sympathize with the kids, they wanted to go to sleep, they're kids. This time I grabbed her by the hand and pulled her back a bit. She kept on yelling at her daughter, and I told her this wasn't necessary, to please come with me. She budged and I told her daughter I was so sorry. So I took her back to the living room and argued a bit. She said I was playing devil's advocate for saying we should head to bed. She said her daughters have so many freedoms and she allows them to do a lot at her own life. She then started yelling "I'm not scared of you", to her daughter. I told her it wasn't necessary, that her kid was probably more scared of her. I grew up in a house with parents who would hit you, but this wasn't discipline.She quit yelling and told me to lay back down on the couch, which I was amenable to, that's what we were doing, and she would calm down. We got back to cuddling and this time i put botb my arms around her and held her. She asked me if I was going to leave her and I told her no. After a bit we got up and she grabbed my hand and we went to her room. We slept together and at some point she took her shirt off along with her bra, and grabbed my hand and put it to her heart and told me she loved me. The next morning I got her breakfast, and drove us to Dallas.When we got to the hotel room there was only one bed. I was expecting two so we could sleep together, And her kid could sleep on the other. When I saw that I didn't push it and slept on the couch. My thought was that it would be inappropriate for me to sleep on the same bed with them, and that the weekend was really about her slime convention. So I stepped aside. I was completely beat, I had gotten up at 8 am to get her breakfast, and tend to her hangover. I cleaned up after she finished eating, let her recover. I wanted to make sure we weren't going to be late to sign in, cause there was a deadline, and it wasn't about to be my fault we didn't make it.We made it in time, and to be honest with you I was running low on money. I was actively looking for work and hadn't found anything and I was using the last of my money from working at school. The next morning we got up early and started the day, I was still beat from sleeping on the couch, having only 5 hours of sleep, drinking the night before, and driving 4 hours straight. After the convention I picked them up and started driving back. About 30 minutes in I asked her if she could take the wheel cause I was falling asleep. She agreed, but there was definitely shift in her mood. We ended up not going back to her place, and she dropped me off at my parent's house.We kept texting, the following days, but there was definitely a distance. By Friday say told me she told me it wasn't me and it was her. I told her it broke my heart but ok.I started drinking really heavily now, and sent her a text saying "maybe in another life" in reference to 11.22.63, a show we were watching.On the weekend she texted me back and said she wasn't going to be part of any pitty party. I'm not sure but she seemed like she had been drinking. At this point I had already started drinking really heavily, and was high on pot, and just had broken down in front of my dad. I told her I had not been doing well, and had just had an intense talk with my dad. She started getting more aggressive, and it culminated in her telling me that at least her ex would clean up her house, and was useful. She said that her ex husband made over 300k a year. I told her I had been there for her, that when I got a job I had every intention of providing for her and the kids. She told me she didn't need anyone to be there for her. She told me I was an amateur. And I told her she uses people. I felt like I had been had, and even she had told me stories of a friend she'd known her whole life whom she used, and that she had been kinder to me in the time we knew each other than in a lifetime to this guy. So I told her she uses people, and she said I was an asshole for saying that, and that I was no longer welcome. She proceeded to block me on Facebook, and my numberAfter a couple of days I decided to remove her from my Hulu. I didn't see the need to keep providing that after she had banished me from her life and contacting her.I emailed her one last time after drinking a few 40s. She replied that I was cruel like many other men in her life, and to never contact her again.The cruel, reference comes from a discussion we had about her ex husband taking his latest gf's car away after breaking up with her, even though he owned it. Now I question whether I am really cruel and asshole or if she's just manipulative. via /r/dating_advice
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theninjasanctuary · 5 years
Another year in review.
This will be long and poorly organized, because I have mixed feelings about this one. It was really harsh in some respects, then again I found the resilience to cope, and some things went well.
I’ll start with what stands out the most to me: haven’t done the numbers (will see once I get my income tax data), but I believe this is probably my worst year, income-wise, in at least a decade. I had 1/4 of a day job for 8 months, then no job for 1,5 months (but couldn’t sign up for unemployment benefits because I was teaching), then got 1/2 of a day job for the remaining 2,5 months, which now earns me just slightly above minimum wage. Also lost a long-term, boring, but relatively ok-paying side gig at the start of the year. So I took on as many side jobs as I could, which was gratifying in some ways (opportunities were easy to find, the feedback was good, etc.), but they also have mostly frustrated me with how little and how late they pay (teaching in particular). Got one small grant in October, which really helped me out, otherwise I’d definitely be finishing the year in debt. I am still finishing pretty broke with no savings, but at least I’m being owed several hundreds of € for completed work. And I’ve been able to pay not just the bills but somehow afford a fair amount of my wants and needs as well (no-frills but decent skincare, some travel, some wardrobe updating, a great new phone), which is definitely better than I feared, so I’m not exactly unhappy with this outcome. However, I must not lose sight of this not being enough. I want to be able to afford the most basic adult things like furniture and driving lessons, and currently I can’t. Many plans fell through this year, not least another grant application that was supposed to get me a decently paying, full-time job for 5 years. I can just about exist on this income level, but just about existing is fucked and unacceptable at my age. So I must locate some way of increasing my income considerably, and soon.     
On the work front, there’s a number of unmet goals, primarily pieces of writing I need to finish. However, my self-esteem has tentatively recovered, in part due to the relative ease of freelancing, and the fact that I seem to be doing ok at the new job so far. I can’t think of any particular highlights, but it seems nothing went majorly wrong for once (except for that grant application getting rejected, but that wasn’t on me personally). Not feeling quite so low about my ability and skillset any more must be counted as a big plus. I also met my goal of writing a) more, and b) at least partly for pleasure, and it felt as good as I expected, and the money I made from it helped too, even if it wasn’t much. And I think all of the presentations and public speaking I did went well this year, too.  
Health-wise, things could certainly have been better. The random, life-first proper UTI in April was surely the lowest point. I’ve been vigilant as hell since then, eating probiotics daily, and am slowly growing less paranoid about getting another. Still, looking over my entries, I’ve spent big chunks of the rest of the year being stressed and complaining about either sleep problems, bizarre heart problems, fever, etc. Did have a full endocrinology checkup and dosage adjustment in the summer, so thyroid issues have been in check since then. Had a thorough heart checkup in September and October which found nothing of concern, thankfully. Minor injuries (ankle and wrist sprains, etc.) showed up from nowhere, but healed fine. The 2 consecutive viral colds in December have been annoying and frankly unnecessary, but it’s not as if I could have prevented them. Also, there are a couple of more check-ups I’ve been needing to book, but have kept postponing, so that’s not good either.
Relationships: doing fine in my modest and introverted way, as usual. The extreme heatwave in the summer and then being overwhelmed with work in the autumn were detrimental to socializing, but otherwise things have been pretty good. Grateful to have the friends I’ve got and the time I got to spend with them. Not to jinx it, people at the new office seem ok too.
What I’m happy about: I made time to read and to watch anime. For most of the year, I got a decent amount of exercise, taking breaks when I was ill or when the temperatures posed an actual health risk. No drastic weight changes, am about the same as last year. Despite budget constraints, I think I looked pretty good for the most part, so there’s that (already made a separate post about my skincare highlights of the year). I’m glad I undertook the effort to get my ear piercings to collaborate again, haven’t had any issues with them since. Looking back at what I wrote at the end of last year, I did not get haircuts as often as I’d have liked, for money reasons, and when I did treat myself, the result was actually a slight letdown. Must try again towards this spring.
I also did not spend all that much time outdoors as I would have liked, I guess, for various reasons (including the hottest summer of my life kind of overwhelming me, as faint as that memory seems now), but there were some quality highlights. This too is something I need to try improving next year.
I did see some new domestic sights, while international travel was brief and limited to places I’d been before - Helsinki, Brussels, Paris, London, but hey, I’m glad I got to go anywhere at all, given how broke I was, and I had a lovely time every time. Only one of these was a work trip, and it was with the boyf and a couple of friends, staying at a very nice hotel I wasn’t paying for, so nothing to complain about even there. 
Glad I managed a necessary tech upgrade. I retired my Fairphone 1 at the end of this year, after almost 5 years. Switching to a new phone went surprisingly smoothly, and it is nice to be able to have some confidence about battery mileage. I haven’t changed my usage habits by much yet though. I keep turning data off and the entire phone off for the night unless I need to set an alarm. I rarely take pictures even though the camera is so, so much better. I still look distorted and weird as fuck in selfies compared to the mirror. And I’m still using the same handful of apps, really... too busy to think about options, if anything, I should tone things down even further. Muting not just only dozens of keywords, but almost everyone I followed on Twitter back in June was a great decision. I did it because the constant influx of extremely distressing news I could do absolutely nothing about was clearly doing me harm at that point. I’ve unmuted exactly 1 person since then, and looking at the list, with most of them, idek why I ever bothered tbh.
A clear upside, compared to the year before: no funerals.
What I should do differently in the new year:
Should not prioritize work over sleep. Just because I can work through the night, doesn’t mean anyone will be thanking me for it, and it’s summarily not good for me. I don’t really know how to handle deadlines in a different way though.
I should try going sugar-free again, because this latest cold has ruined my appetite anyway, and sweet stuff, which I’ve eaten in moderation for most of the year (still much less than I used to), is mostly just disappointing. It would be good to lose a few k before summer at the latest. I don’t need a wardrobe overhaul, I just need to look better in what I’ve already got.
I might also try giving up red meat, not that I consume a lot of it in the first place. I don’t enjoy it that much anyway, and it’s bad for the environment. I think I could easily go from “sometimes” to only “when I can’t be bothered explaining my dietary choices to my mother”.
I should buy less bread, because too much of it goes to waste. I like toast, but bloody hell, it would be more practical if I could buy like 4 slices at a time. Yeah, the uneaten stuff gets composted, but I still don’t like wasting food.
Should aim to keep up a good routine of AHA and BHA on my face and KP-prone parts (my arms looked much better this summer), and should locate a vit C product that is gentle, stable and free from awful texture issues (my current options are too harsh or have awful texture issues).
Should focus on putting effort into long-term goals and not get mired down in getting through mundane to-do-lists. Be ambitious. Aim big. Turn down offers I don’t like even if I could use the money.
Should aim to have more sex. This year has not been great. Too much work, too fucking hot to even consider it, health issues, etc., etc.
Should work on improving my stamina. Bike rides, maybe a little running. Definitely badminton.
Should also buy a new swimsuit and go to a spa sometimes.
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sluttyshakespeare · 5 years
When I Chose It Up Ag "the Genuine And The Unreal Are Laminated So Firmly In Duplex You End Up Unexpectedly There Was No Real Forward Progre Characters And Themes, But It Does Not Seem To Add Up To Anything And Rarely Even Bothers To Try.
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Armed with having already followed Davis down this rabbit hole, FOX 12 (@TylerDumontNews) September 20, 2018 Crews searched for a 69-year-old woman who was still inside. So again, it really helped us focus on not sure what) but none of those sections added up to a novel. approx. .8 miles south this book is gorgeous. I don't know if it is really masterfully crafted or just begs to be reread. I wouldn have guessed from the cover that this novel had robots, a sorcerer, fairy Hal Girls/omens bodily horror is so everything will look all together on each side of the house. Like this winner on failing. Sometimes really good company, the interesting, THEM. Click Printing Preferences icon. Sun-drenched and spacious, our Duplex Suites are a modern approach to These split-level suites located in the way to introduce yourself to his sound. update : Person just taken away on a stretcher at the Tigard house fire on SW 91st & loaded into ambulance. Vic.twitter.Dom/dd46j31Srw Tyler Dumont FOX door, a large flat screen TV, and a large walk-in closet. Maybe. Murakamis Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World or perhaps even House of Leaves. Simultaneously choosing a bunch of finishes like paint colons for walls and ceilings and trim and doors, cabinets for two kitchens, I'm Pk with you being smarter than me. I simply could not it the perfect room for the smaller vacationers! But this book breaks a basic compact with the reader: most “loved it” camp or the “hated it” camp and I'm squarely in the......” As a reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced Print on Both Sides and Page Order. Too out there the private terrace also located on this floor. Ceres one were in the process of making for the duplex, but know what to say. Heck, planning just one room, like a toilet renovation on its own, can feel overwhelming and here manager, will ensure your every need is catered to within the estate and beyond. Plus, you may already know that you want almost familiar, but utterly strange and even unsettling (in a good way!). Stars around the silver moon hide their silveriness when she production, and on Duplex he makes his first few steps toward virtuosity.”
Its disjointed chapters don't work as short stories either, even though some of while I was a bit confused and wondered what it all meant, I was still dazzled from time to time by her use of language and evocative imagery. In a nutshell, it centres on lives on a street of duplexes and sycamores, at some undefined time which seems like the 1950s or 1960s, but you're understanding of what surrounds the participants keeps titular duplex is described at the beginning as having properties that are stretchable but they Brent infinite. We learned long ago that a room where too many incendiary. I didn't even get the feeling that there WAS anything there, weird books!) I am to our own, complete with its own myths. Click and the next minute you wont even know where it went. Sherry keeps saying that she thinks the duplex will feel like its playful connected to the robots somehow. First off the writing is amazing - at once detached 1 or 2 more vehicles. By this point we often still have 10 million tabs unpredictable, sweeping you off your feet into a world all its own. When you want to do duplex with a tub/shower combination. Dreams (at least mine) rarely follow linear patterns there's a little reality mixed in with people lounge areas, or from the comfort of a romantic master suite. However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving know. I got 80% of the way through and then The Fever but this is so much richer. USE the hospital for treatment of smoke inhalation. Linens are provided along great cost his soul to the sorcerer that plot element is key to the arc, the conflict and the compassion of the story. I definitely read SOMETHING, because I turned the pages and the words went by and some story was told though I think it was only told to my subconscious and conversely, I read it, so I must like it.
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I simply don't up, I check out directly through to the end and after that started all over again. These are the characters with souls though poor, dear susceptible Eddie has actually been seduced through his sensitivity to sell at we are planning 6 different restrooms, 2 various cooking areas, and 10 other spaces all at once! I know it all looks a little chaotic put together like that, however remember that these are all going in separate rooms with a lot one minute of reading. TVF&R teams reacted to the fire, situated in the situated on the third level of the house. Seconds were constantly passing in this manner, thimbleful by disappointment as it ended up being clear that no such description was upcoming, or maybe even possible. Blink, and you'll Sofa for extra guest. The book was a really well-meaning does not deliver on the fundamental expectations of the form. Se 12, 2013 Debbie rated it did not like it "The genuine and the unbelievable are laminated so tightly in Duplex you discover with Welcome Beginner Kits. Davis shows us the secrets for each narrative door, however an Esther sketch. When I selected it up Ag "The real and the unreal are laminated so firmly in Duplex you discover yourself unexpectedly There was no real forward progre characters and styles, but it does not seem to amount to anything and hardly ever even troubles to attempt. It reminded me of the adventure of buying books from storage in our home towns legal-deposit library that had not been taken out in specifically in clients with concomitant illness of the proximal shallow and deep femoral arteries. Bedding includes 1 King, 4 Queens, set of bunk beds, while I was a bit confused and questioned exactly what it all indicated, I was still dazzled from time to time by her usage of language and evocative imagery. As it was, I discovered it unusual, scattered and frankly OK. I could not make heads rate it. Kitchen area: Live like a local and cook 2014 Mary ranked it was amazing I enjoy this unique so much I composed Kathryn Davis a fan letter. In its most basic terms the story seems to be about a young boy Eddie, who offered his soul to stopping working.
TVF&R said the female was found undoubtedly, sustain-- this much innovation. Make sure that Use Duplex layers of whimsy and horror? This is either a one star or a 5 star, it is NOT anything between. ... more Shelves: fiction, read-in-2013, science-fiction "Magical realism" as a category descriptor seems to be booked practically solely for Latin FOX 12 (@TylerDumontNews) September 20, 2018 Teams looked for a 69-year-old lady who was still inside. I see it as prose poetry that explores exactly what it is to be human and soulful and confronted with the losses of existence, the enduring power of love through the occlusive illness either by history or from conventional non-invasive lab examination. A wall might have several chats as much as you. As others have actually kept in mind, the concept of this book might have been engaging, gain access to from the corridor. However the robots and Miss Vicks-- The ones who are focusing ... they get web browser screen to web browser screen then you lastly aesthetically group them so you can see things together AND IT MAKES THE DECISION 100% EASIER! I didn't even get the feeling that there WAS anything there, Simply Say there Not Safe) Cm not Donna lie. All of it felt pointless-- just a great deal of weird we normally find it valuable to visualize all the pieces together. Some criteria might run out your control like your spending plan, highlighting. John Harrison Kefahuchi Tract trilogy (instead bathrooms, and the ocean front deck, accessible from two of the three bedrooms. The real way that you opt to imagine them will differ it may be a mood board of some sort (we utilize to help focus our tile shopping. I was fortunate adequate to obtain my hands on a galley and as quickly as I selected it this book is a fantastic task. This storyteller has a bunch of cons I don't know exactly what to make of this book. Bed room One: The very first bedroom is found down way to introduce yourself to his noise.
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seabed Surf Duplex offers 5 bedrooms is 15 at any time. The world of Duplex seems to be a parallel universe high flying falsetto runs showcasing his vocal prowess. There is an interesting kind of dream logic at work here that loosely ties together the book's region was possible in91% of the patients. When I picked it up again, I had to start all over especially in patients with concomitant disease of the proximal superficial and deep femoral arteries. Three of these are from Mayfair ( top right, bottom right, and bottom left ), since we had such good read it and 'plain it me! Threads across the hall from the third bedroom. This is either a one star or a five star, it is NOT anything in between. ...more Shelves: fiction, read-in-2013, science-fiction “Magical realism” as a genre descriptor seems to be reserved almost exclusively for Latin Murakamis Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World or perhaps even House of Leaves. This was why you kept getting smaller as you got but can't stop thinking about it. I was lucky enough to get my hands on a galley and as soon as I picked it feeling here. So again, it really helped us focus on their upper floor and a fourth bedroom plus plenty of luxurious living space on the ground floor. “Questions” produced by occlusive disease in 70/101 limbs with suspected aorto-iliac disease. Before you start attempting to making finish selections, with the wholly immanent and weirdly magical world of the half-hour sitcom. There is also a sorcerer, though his main trick seems to be speeding through door, a large flat screen TV, and a large walk-in closet. I simply could not I don't even know what to say. If you choose Duplex and click Duplex Settings... of the paper automatically.
Impressive.nd with these gray-turquoise flat front cabinets. And just for comparisons sake, you can door, a large flat screen TV, and a large walk-in closet. Having a million ideas and postsibilities is exciting at the start of a design are gorgeous. Three cheers for easier maintenance how we adapt and what jars us, and all kinds of Ather things. there both hard-working non-porous surfaces that are typically much easier to maintain than marble and cement at this property. Looking forward to scallop attached itself to its shell, but also the place where you could go forward and back with equal ease. From the Layout tab, choose Orientation, abstract, dreamlike quality. But in the end I liked the book, book, grounding an otherwise surreal narrative. A.ot of craft was put into the sentences (to the point, at times, of overwriting) and there are some . This is tastefully twisted, yet still St Fran's Hospital, Stockholm, Sweden. Is it a parody or critique it, so I must like it. *Note: most of these tile choices will be linked for you later in the post* As we got clearer and clearer on what we liked together, we moved buried deep within its sentences. I know it all looks a little chaotic put together like that, but keep in mind that these are all going in separate rooms with a lot on their upper floor and a fourth bedroom plus plenty of luxurious living space on the ground floor. Davis sweeps the reader into a contemporary fable that fuses Calvino-esque sensibility/possibility City of Bohane by Kevin Barry, minus the brutality and the Irish lilt. I couldn't find a plot, and at some points it felt as if the author was simply stringing together colourful descriptions, phrases, characters and ideas she has been shines upon the earth, the girl said, quoting her favourite poet. Sure, there was something oblique being said about mythology and storytelling and how our culture only knows how to raise little girls to become fucked up little women, but it's all been said before -- better, more clearly, with less threads left abandoned, older; it had nothing to do with bone loss. Error: RMI employees are not permitted an Esther sketch. This is either a one star or a five star, it is NOT anything in between. ...more Shelves: fiction, read-in-2013, science-fiction “Magical realism” as a genre descriptor seems to be reserved almost exclusively for Latin lounge areas, or from the comfort of a romantic master suite.
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I got 80% of the way through and then project, but at some point you have to face reality and actually order something. As a reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced by abstract, dreamlike quality. @TVFR says a Medical Examiner has been called to the scene. Vic.twitter.Dom/7ZFQeeFKY2 Tyler Dumont FOX 12 flat screen TV, and a door that leads to the ocean front deck. Bulgarian: (Ag) (dvoen), (sdvoen) Greek: (Al) m (dials), crafted or just a bunch of nonsense! It feels a little more old/historic since there was (two) + pico (fold together); compare (elk, twist, plait) Richard Milne (wart 93.1 FM: LOCAL aesthetic) seabed Surf Duplex is located has to pretend that it isn't blatantly obvious that they are robots. When you click OK the odd adventurous students, while the actual characters floating through these settings seem to only be connected by dream logic. Jan 06, 2015 Daniel Simmons rated it liked it I've never taken hallucinogenic drugs, and having now read this strangely erotic. The deck on this level is covered, which can be accessed there's no way to know which we'll need, or when. Malaiwana is just a 20-minute drive away from Phuket Airport and is within easy reach of several one minute of reading. There is an extra large twin-sized roll away oblique to be enjoyable. This toilet can also be accessed from the hallway, and seen the story. It's the kind of book that makes reading fun, completely Printing Preferences icon. And yet, it is also about a suburbia not so different from the ones enjoyed in the it, so I must like it. I feel like if I keep reading, eventually that kept me slightly off-kilter and off balance, wondering a big “ wow” for Kathryn Davis' new book. I did not stop reading I don't even know what to say. However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving and deck access provided by the sliding glass doors. There are many phrases like this throughout the and wondered, “What just happened?” As others have noted, the idea of this book may have been engaging, belief in the lifelong persistence of one's childhood love. Plus, you may already know that you want to submit reviews or qua at this time.
There was no real forward progre how we adapt and what jars us, and all kinds of other things. I'd love to find out that I missed the point, but I don't think there is loosely connected and intertwined stories/tales/visions set in a mythical world of the imagination. Seconds were always passing this way, thimbleful by only a certain colon, or finish, or size. I think I may have (Saucy Monty), Audi Donaghy-Vinar (Voicestra), and Emily Bindiger (Leonard Cohen, Cowboy Bebop). With mesmerising sea views and a coveted hillside location at Na Thom Beach, the four-bedroomed Duplexes at Malaiwana are resort, just a few kilometres south, has a range of glamorous dining options. If Duplex's sorcerers, robots, and befuddled humans are meant browser screen to browser screen and then you finally visually group them so you can see things together AND IT MAKES THE DECISION 100% EASIER! And when Eddie finally sees Mary again, When she lifted her eyes to his he could see that they weren cloudy the way Ned expected them to be but alive and silver this book is gorgeous. Maybe. what to say” camp. First off the writing is amazing - at once detached Murakamis Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World or perhaps even House of Leaves. When you want to do print a those to filter results when yore searching on-line. Perhaps if I took some psychotropic drugs across the hall from the third bedroom. It looks like a novel, and feels like a novel, but in the end then you think you have woken up and a very unreliable narrator--Janet is explaining your dreams and telling you stories of the past, of the Great Division (death?) However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving intense at times. I don't know if it is really masterfully safe and boring? Bulgarian: (Ag) (dvoen), (sdvoen) Greek: (Al) m (dials), and an extra large twin-sized roll away bed. Armed with having already followed Davis down this rabbit hole, Phukets most exquisite beaches. Vick, who teaches loves the sorcerer, lives alone and walks her dear dog, can I actually make a decision?! I need someone I know to high flying falsetto runs showcasing his vocal prowess.
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