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trashbag-baby666 · 6 months

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Pilot-Firehouse au

Summary: There’s a new probie at Casper fd, Gale is one step closer to finding out who Rosies been going on dates with, welcome to the madness.

WC: 3,385

C/W: None!

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John skipped through the fire department a pink box of donuts in his hand. Most people would probably ask what’s got you in a good mood? But no one batted an eye at John, because this is just how he carries himself all the time, aspiring to put a smile on all his crew's faces. Today it would be with donuts tomorrow it might be dad jokes.

“Morning, Bucky.” Curt wiped his hands on his pants and took the powdered sugar donut out of the box, “Chicks got a probie in the office. Told me to send you in when you got here.”

“Sounds good,” John nods, heading up the metal, red steps and going into Chicks office. A brown haired man sitting on the opposite side of Chick, his eyes wide with excitement. Fresh out of the academy and ready for some real action.

“Morning chief, donut?” John held the box out.

“Yes please, thank you, Captain. John, this is Captain Egan. One of the finest firefighters CFD has ever seen.”

“We’ve got another John?” He raised an eyebrow leaning over slightly to see the file on Chicks desk, “John Brady, how do you like Brady?”

“I…uh.”

“Come on, Brady, wouldn’t wanna be late for the morning stretch circle.” John called, bouncing down the steps, Brady scattering after him, “Guys this is our new probie, Brady.”

“Fresh blood, huh?” Dougie leaned on the fire truck

“This is Dougie and…” John looked around for a moment, “Where’s your Missus?”

“I ain’t anyone's missus,” the lengthy blonde came from around the front of the truck, eyeing up Brady.

“And this is Howard but everyone calls him Hambone, maple long john for you.” John plucked the donut out of the box and handed it to the blonde, “I’m putting Brady with you guys today, so please be nice to him…Brady, good luck with the hazing.”

“You’re ours now, pretty boy.” Dougie put a strong hand onto his shoulder, shaking him lightly.

“Come on stretch time, boys.” Curt clasped his hands together grabbing the attention of everyone, quickly being overshadowed by the loud siren that began to ring, “Nevermind.”

“Suit up, Brady!” John clapped him on the back, offering a small crack of a smile.

—---------

Gale’s all too familiar with the sounds of too many voices all at once on top of the constant voices on the intercom paging doctors, the occasional groan, the clacking on keyboards. The sound of the Casper, Wyoming ER became nothing but white noise for him, “good morning, doctor.” Rosie stood against the counter in the breakroom. His words okayest doctor thermos in hand, a small smile on his lips.

“Morning, doctor.” Gale opened his locker, “How’re you this morning?”

“Doing just fine.”

“So I take it the date went well?”

“Oh, how did it go?” Croz pushed open the break room door, his stuffed to the brim tote bag over his shoulder eyebrows wide with curiosity.

“It was fine guys, but I don’t kiss and tell.” Rosie put his hands up in defense. Croz and Gale had been trying to crack the code into Rosies love life since late med school when they met Croz during their residencies. But he kept it a secret from them and wasn’t budging still.

“You’re no fun, Rosie, who else are me and Gale supposed to gossip about?”

“Linda from HR. No, I’m kidding, gossip about me wouldn’t be very much fun anyways, but he did meet Freddie last night.” Rosie glanced at the two of them as he walked towards the door.

“Oooooh,” Gale snickered, getting to meet Freddy was a big deal. Rosie didn’t let just anyone meet his elderly deaf cat with separation anxiety.

“Sorry I gotta get back to it,” Rosie put his hand on the door handle shooting them a wink.

“I’m glad he’s found a guy, this was their…fourth date I think he mentioned the other day?” Gale and Rosie had met their freshman year of college since they were roommates. Then they just never separated and lived together all the way up until John asked Gale to move in with him.

“Me too,” Croz sighed, putting his bag away, “How was Delia’s game yesterday?”

“Great! She almost had a home run, but they did win, six to five!”

“Sorry, we couldn’t make it, Junie got sent home from the day camp yesterday with a fever.” Gale knew Croz and his husband Bubbles kept very busy with their four kids.

Hell, Gale only had two kids and they kept very busy.

“That’s alright, how high was the fever?”

“Hundred and one I think she sweated it out last night. She was drippin’ this morning when I woke her up.”

“Hopefully it passes fast. It makes me so sad when the girls are sick.”

“Me too, hopefully we can contain her germs to herself and we don’t have a house outbreak.” Croz rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. The last thing any of them needed was a Crosby family sick outbreak that could possibly spread.

———————

Brady squeezed the excess water out of the sponge and back into the bucket of soapy water. Pressing the sponge back into the truck. After the call John had asked Ham, Dougie, and himself to wash the truck. But the other two had long since abandoned ship , leaving him by himself.

“Dougie and Ham ditch you?”

“Jesus,” Brady put a hand out on the truck turning to see John with that same smirk from earlier on his face. Bending down he grabbed the other sponge out of the bucket.

“Curt used to do the same shit to me. I promise they’ll like you, they do this to everyone.”

“How long did Curt, y’know…? Harass you for being the new guy?” Brady scratched the back of his neck with his free hand.

“Oh I don’t know, I think a good month, till I saved his ass from a burning building.”

“Oh.”

“How old are you, kid?”

“Twenty four, sir.”

“Well you’re aging me specially with the sir, no need for this sir and captain bullshit. Just call me Bucky, everyone else does.”

“Okay, capt…Bucky.” A moment of silence passed between the two of them. Brady just hoped he was doing everything right like he had been taught in the academy.

“Got a special someone in your life?”

“Oh, uh, no. I haven’t met the right one yet…there weren't a lot of options in Sundance. Thought I’d have a better shot since I play for both teams.” Brady chuckled dryly hoping he wouldn’t be ostracized for his sexuality here.

“Amen to that one! I thought I’d be single for the rest of my life, till I met my husband.”

“How long have you guys been married?”

“We actually just celebrated our tenth anniversary last week.” John snickered.

“Well congratulations, do you have any kids?”

“Yeah, we’ve got two girls. My oldest will be 13 next week and our youngest is seven.”

Brady felt a hole of anxiety in his chest begin to fill itself back in knowing there was at least another lgbt member in the firehouse. He kept it to himself at first in the academy, he didn’t want a stigma to follow him.

Brady picked his head up at the sound of a dog barking, meeting the sight of a white and light gray husky in a service dog vest dashing towards John. “Oh hello there, Meatball!” John scratched the husky behind his ear, “This is Meatball, the hundredths mascot and staple.”

“Is this the new probie?”

“Yep,” John clasped a hand on Brady’s shoulder squeezing gently, “Brady, this is our driver engineer Benny Demarco, he’s Meatball's other half.”

“I’m not married to him, I promise.”

“Did you look into the tax benefits for it?” John asked, tilting his head and putting his hands on his hips.

“Nice meeting you, Brady.” He held out his hand for him to shake.

“Nice meeting you, I look forward to working with you.” Brady shook his hand, his grip tight and firm.

“Come on Meatball,” Demarco headed up the steps to Chicks office, the husky behind him.

“So,”

“Hm?” Brady’s eyebrow raised.

“Me and Benny are good friends, but he won’t tell us a thing about this person he’s seeing. If you can figure anything out let me and Curtie know.” John squeezed Brady’s shoulder again delivering a small shake.

So John is chronically nosy?

———————————

“Fancy seeing you here, we gotta stop running into each other like this.” Curt leaned against the open door of the ambulance.

“Hey, Curtie.” Ken looked up from where he was writing down his report, “Did you ask Bucky if we're still coming over for dinner?”

“Yes we are.”

“Awesome, I felt bad we had to leave right after the game.” Ken set his clipboard down standing up taking Curt’s hand then jumping out of the back of the ambulance.

“Yeah, the girls were all excited. I'm bringing them popsicles to Friday's practice, today we gotta lock in on fielding.” Ken smiled while watching Curt talk with his hands. He loved getting to coach Cordelia’s rec league softball team. Curt also stayed busy playing on the firehouses softball league Bucky coached. He didn’t play anymore only because he tore his ACL a few years back.

“I know I was so proud of them! You tell them I said that.” Ken placed his hand on Curt’s chest, “You’ve been working out?”

“Sure have sugar,” Curt pulled him in by the belt loops. He could stare at Curt all day and make this his full time job. Curt moved in with Ken a couple months ago and things had been going pretty well.

“Curt, what are you doing?” John furrowed his eyebrows coming around the truck.

“I was just saying hello to the wife,” Curt kissed Ken’s cheek, “See you at home, Kenny.”

“Bye Curtie, bye John.” Ken waved and shut the back doors of the ambulance.

“I saw you and Buck making out against one of the trucks the other day. So you got nothin’ on me, Johnny.” Curt shook his head walking after him.

“You know too much about me for me to become an enemy of Curtis Biddick. I was just coming to tell you we were leaving.”

It was true, when John dropped out of college halfway through his second year. He got in his car and started driving. He got to the Wisconsin/Minnesota border and decided to just keep going. Drove all the way to Casper, Wyoming in two days, decided to stop for a drink and then never looked back.

“I don’t want you as an enemy,” Curt shrugged his jacket back on as they got back to the truck.

“Good, because then I would have to kill you.” The two of them climbed back in the truck, “How’re you liking it, Brady?”

“I like it sir- uh, Bucky.” He cleared his throat and clasped his hands together looking down.

“Loosen up kid, I’m glad you like it.” John sat across from him.

“You’ve been doin’ a just fine job. I know you’ll fit right in.” Curt had seen a dozen or so of guys through their probie phases at the firehouse. He did in fact haze John after he convinced him to join the academy. John and Curt both saw Dougie and Ham through their probie period together. Brady seemed like a good kid and determined to become the best firefighter he can be.

————————

Gale: I’m on lunch, just thought I’d check in if you or Flynn needed anything from the store. If you make anything please clean it up so I don’t have to clean before making dinner. 🤗🤗

Cordelia: ok

Gale sighed, setting his phone back on the breakroom table stabbing a crispy piece of lettuce out of his salad. “I don’t like this tweenage thing.”

“Delia?” Rosie hummed through his bite of sandwich

“Yeah the other day she looked at me like I killed her cats because I asked her to help me pick up dinner.” Gale rubbed the bridge of his nose. He and John both had been coming to terms that Cordelia did not in fact hate them. She just wasn’t their little girl anymore and wanted more independence and they could respect that.

“Has the attitude started yet?” Croz could probably offer the best advice out of any of them. Their oldest was a couple years older than Cordelia, “The first time Astrid actually raised their voice at us we were so distraught.”

“A little bit,” Gale sat back in his seat rubbing at the gold band on his finger, “I’m beginning to think about bringing back timeouts for her too.”

“Sometimes it’s better to let them cool off in their room. I remember this age, hormones flying, your body changing, everything seems like the biggest deal of your life.” Croz definitely had the most confidence in his parenting out of the group. But I guess you do probably have to carry confidence with your words when you have four kids to wrangle around.

“I told my parents to shut up one time at that age…it did not go over well.” Gale could imagine a younger Rosie telling that to Mama Rosenthal. Followed by her most certainly chewing him out in Yiddish and sending him to his room.

It’s not that Gale is insecure about his parenting, it's that he doesn’t want to be like his father. He wasn’t like his father at all. It’s the one thing Gale brought up when they first talked about kids, “John, what if I turn into him?” “That’s not going to happen. You’re nothing like him, Gale.” John was right, Gale wasn’t his father. The apple didn’t even fall from that tree.

“It’s at least a little nice to hear that this is at least some right of passage event.” Gale cleared his throat. He didn’t really get a chance to have that, he grew up at far too young of an age. He had spent his entire childhood taking care of his father and avoiding the swinging hands that came at him. The rundown apartment in northern Casper, the cigarette burned couch with the cans and bottles littering any surface available. He knew his only way out and he took it and ran.

Now he had his own family, he had his firehouse family from John's side and he had Rosie and Croz from his side. He had to remind himself, he in fact is doing better than he ever thought he would.

————————

There’s a lot of things that are staples in the Cleven household. but the one that never missed was the barking every time someone was at the door. Scooby would jump up his loud howl carrying alerting Chili that maybe he needs to start barking too; although, his didn’t carry the same way Scoobys did.

“Guys!” Gale scolded the dogs from the kitchen.

“It’s us,” Ken sang as they came inside toeing off his shoes. His prized Apple pie in his hands, Curt not far behind him, “Hi Scooby.”

“Uncle Curt!” Flynn came flying out of the kitchen and jumped into his arms.

“Hey, Flynn.” Curt spun her around, “How was your ball game?”

“Good! I got a couple good hits! Papa said we could practice tomorrow.” Flynn quite literally fell from the John Egan tree though. Not only did she have the same blue eyes and dark brown curls but the same sass and humor. Oh yeah, and the lifelong passion for baseball but ‘specifically the yankees’.

“I’ll see if I have time to stop over and I can toss you some balls. Sounds good?”

“Yes! You’re the best Curt.” Flynn wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tight.

“No you’re the best, Flynn. Why don’t we go help your dads set the table?”

Flynn nodded, Curt setting her down and she took off for the dining room attached to the kitchen.

“Delia, why don’t you take Ken with you to grab some drinks.” Gale nudged her from across the kitchen island.

“Okay,” she rolled her eyes with that sharp tone in her voice.

“I don’t like that attitude,” John popped his hip out resting his hands on his hips.

“I don’t like your attitude, Pa.”

Gale looked between the two of them having their nightly ‘drama queen competition’ as Flynn called it. Cordelia let out an irritated grunt stomping to the connecting door to the garage.

“Teenagers are fun,” Curt snickered.

Ken sat on the steps next to the fridge in the garage while Cordelia dug out the last can of Arnold Palmers for Curt.

“Is everything going alright, hun?”

“Yeah, it’s just, everything feels like…I don’t even know.” She handed the can of tea to Ken and shut the fridge door sitting back on her knees.

“That’s part of growing up, unfortunately. Do you wanna talk about anything?” At those words Cordelia looked down at her hands bashfully, a small smirk that resembled Gales following.

“Well, okay but you can’t tell dad and Pa.”

“Deal,” Ken rested his head in his hands.

“There’s this girl on my team, her name is Mel.”

“Does Curt know?” Ken interrupted her momentarily.

“No, we just started talking last week. She’s staying over with some of my other friends on Saturday.”

“I hope you have fun. But make good decisions,” Ken picked up the drinks off the steps next to him.

“Don’t worry, we haven’t even held hands yet. I can’t tell if pa would be upset that I’m dating or start crying?”

Ken let out a small chuckle, there's a good chance both could happen. Curt told him that when Cordelia had taken her first steps John broke down crying. He also cried when she turned one, he wasn’t ready for his little girl to be in such a rush to grow up still.

—-----------

John let out a loud yawn stretching his arms above his head, his shirt coming up just slightly. Gale leaned over, poking his stomach softly sending John into a loud laugh falling onto the bed right on top of Gale. “Did you have a good day at work?” Gale felt his cheeks heat red him and John were nose to nose.

“Yeah, we have a new probie at the station. Seems like a good kid. How about yours, Doctor Cleven ” John smiled because he knew exactly how to get Gale all flustered.

“Well, Captain Egan, I did have a good day. Today I found out Rosie went on a fourth date with that guy and he brought him to his apartment and let him meet Freddie.” He was pleased with himself that John's cheeks were now flush and he looked down slightly, just from calling him captain.

“Ooooh, do you know his name?.” John rolled off of him climbing under the blankets. He loved some good, who's dating who gossip? Someday he could be just as bad as Cordelia.

“No, that’s all he’s told us. We should find a time to go out and tell Rosie to bring him.”

“Good god, Buck. You’re just as bad as me and Delia!” Wrapping his arms around Gale he pulled him into his chest.

“Exposure therapy,” Buck giggles, turning his head to meet John's sparkly eyes. They laid there for a moment just basking in the energy of an amazing sixteen years together.

“Can you believe we’ve been married for ten years?” John rested his chin on Gale's shoulder, “Together for 16.”

“I know it’s gone so fast.” Gale tangled his hands into John’s pressing his back into John’s warmth.

“Next thing we know it’s going to be our 60th anniversary and Delia and Flynn are going to put us in a home.”

“Don't remind me,” Gale sighed, tipping his head back against John.

“At least we’re a long way from retirement?” John kissed Gales neck, truthfully he’d work forever if that’s what it took to keep this little life. He couldn’t imagine anything better than this, he was married to the absolute love of his life, “Well, maybe we should use my sexy firefighter body to our advantage.”

Gale mentally rolled his eyes with a smile on his face, John’s cheesy flirting never getting old. “I think that’s an excellent idea.”

——————

Thanks for reading!! Hope you enjoyed! Likes and reblogs highly appreciated! <3

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somejazzinthemorning · 2 years

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tightrope. 03

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x Original Female Character Warnings: Language Word Count: 7.241 Previous chapter: 02.

Drowning myself in work is my go-to coping mechanism for more than half of my problems.

I'll either resort to racing or tracing brand strategies in an attempt to avoid having to face whatever problem throws my way and, that night, being 11 pm on a Wednesday, my laptop and the small whiteboard on my desk became my saving grace.

Despite the burning eyes and my aching back, after hours sat at my desk, my mind was still racing, high on whatever feelings the brush of his lips had evoked in my body. I fell asleep to the memory of his eyes and the velvet lips.

There was no way to escape it. We were already falling.

I woke up late, the next day.

My phone had a full wall of notifications ready to present me. A single text in the middle of the dozens of work-related emails, most of them answers to the ones I’d written during the night and scheduled to be sent in the early hours of the work day. I only realised I was smiling, probably high on my own expectations, when I felt my smile drop, after seeing who sent the text. Amanda. Not him.

“those updates on the project at 3 am??? r u okay?”

“sorry! i remembered to schedule the emails, but forgot about the notes on the project.” "got some good work done, tho”

"need to take a moment to reread all of your incoherent notes” "all that rambling is… wow” "BUUUUUT come to the office” "the things from the berlin store just arrived, you will love them”

"can’t make it today” "send pics!”

"come tomorrow, then! ill get churros for breakfast”

My phone went back to the nightstand and I pulled up the comforter, wrapping it around myself in an attempt to find some security and calm of mind. I peered out from under the comforter, staring at the dark room, only lightened by some streaks of light created from a gap in the blinds. I was still tired from the night, and my mind scrambled from everything we had shared.

Eventually, I left the bed. My mom was downstairs, and a copy of Shadow of the Wind rested on the kitchen counter while she cooked lunch. Frank Sinatra played on the old record player in the living room and the music continued to stretch around the house as we ate together. Luckily, her birthday party was keeping her busy; busy enough that she didn't remember to ask me about the dinner from last night.

Truth be told: I'm a terrible liar. I would never be able to escape her questions.

At the end of the day, I met Rocco for a workout, in a nearby gym. He was waiting for me, leaning against the reception counter, teal Puma t-shirt paired with an amused smirk; I knew he was more than ready to put me through my paces. And I was right. It only took me a couple of exercises to lay on the floor, panting and sweating."Have you thought about what you're doing next season?" I looked up, in the direction of the voice. Rocco was standing in front of me, holding my water bottle.

I sat up straight and extended my hand to grab it. "Not yet," the water was cold and refreshing. Just what I needed. "Maybe a third year in the Challenge and," I paused to breathe. "You know, the reserve seat. Not ideal, but yeah."

He frowned, sitting down on one of the plyo boxes near me. "But yeah?"

"Yeah. Works." I answered, laying back down on the green turf. The small fake grass ticklish on my legs and arms. "Not much, but it's racing."

"I think I'll pretend you didn't say that."

"Why? It's just how it is."

He cleared his throat, the deep sound making me open my eyes and stare at him again. "Up," he commanded, refusing to help me get up. I brought the hand I'd just held up to the floor, to help me get up.

"I thought we were done," I said. He didn't even need to say anything to make me understand that we were, in fact, not done. "Are you mad?"

“Annoyed,” he turned back to me. “What the heck was that answer? Of course, a third year in the Challenge and a reserve seat in WEC are not ideal. I was hoping for a real answer, not some… whatever that was.”

“It’s the reality,” I shrugged. Instead of turning back and going back to do whatever he was about to do, he just kept looking at me. Not the conversation I was hoping for today.

“You had a plan. What happened?” He asked.

“Nothing happened. I had a plan. And it’s going as it’s possible.”

"Excuses, Eva," Rocco exclaimed. He stepped forward and looked me in the eye. "You have a plan. You know what you want. And you have the talent."

“Congrats, you just solved gender inequality.” I gave him an ironic thumbs up, my mind still scrambled from the efforts of the workout and the encounter from last night. This kind of conversation was not what I wanted.

“You’re more than capable of getting a decent seat next year.”

“As we know,” I wiggled my finger between both of us, “It’s a tough path. Being capable won’t get me a seat. ”

“Locking yourself in an office keeping track of TikTok trends will?” I sent him a look. He held up his hands in defence. “You’re making excuses. There are other drivers fighting for the same things as you are and they are not taking no for an answer.”

“Neither am I.”

"Come on," he chortled, eying me carefully. I could tell that he wanted the best for me, but I was not really in the mood to discuss this at the moment. "When was the last time you actually planned something for yourself, and not just some new fashion designer or boujie vegan chef?"

I felt a little bit of annoyance creeping its way up my spine. I had been pushing myself so hard for the last few months, and I was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed with all the pressure.

“Can we focus on the races I have left to win?” I asked, my voice taking on an exasperated tone. “We can talk about this after I win this championship?”

“Sure.” He bent down to grab a 15 kg power bag from the floor and dropped it off at my feet. "This wasn't planned, but that self-pity is annoying me."

“A punishment?" I took my hands to my hips, a light chortle abandoning my lips. "Burpees and never-ending lounges? That's what you think I need right now?"

"No, no burpees," he said, his grin widening. "But maybe a few extra lounges wouldn't hurt." He was clearly enjoying this. I rolled my eyes and glanced down at the power bag in front of me.

“It was not—”

He cleared his throat, cutting me off, and I went silent. Then, looking at him, I saw that he was grinning at me once again, content. Yeah, it was self-pity. Yeah, the future is scary, especially when you’re a 25-year-old woman in motorsports and your career seems to be stuck.

I took a deep breath and bent over to pick up the bag, the cold weight of it dragging my body down to the ground. Rocco took a few steps back and then motioned me with his head to start.

"Andiamo," he said. “20 steps back and forth. Three series.”

So I did. I started lounging with the bag, back and forth across the green patch of turf on that side of the gym, trying to keep a steady pace. With each step, the pressure of the bag weighed me down. I kept going, pushing forward and gritting my teeth against the pain. When I finally reached the twentieth step, I dropped the bag and breathed out, my body aching from the effort.

By the end of the third series, I had pushed my body to its very limits and back. I sunk down onto the cool grass beneath me, feeling the relief of the softness beneath me—my muscles aching and my body dripping with sweat, my hair matted to my neck and temples.

Rocco sat near me, guiding me through a couple of moves, helping me to loosen my tight muscles and stretch out my body. Despite the big (and somewhat threatening) muscles he had a gentle touch.

“What’s on your mind?”

"Hm?" I frowned, my eyebrows furrowing together as I closed my eyes, feeling his hand pressing down on my thigh, pushing it firmly against the hard floor. I could feel the pain radiating through my body, but I tried to focus on the sensation of his grip.

“You always complain this hurts,” he said. I opened one eye. Now, I could feel the pressure from his grip. Probably something shifted on my face because he instantly asked, “Now it hurts?”

"It hurt before, I was just distracted." I shook my head, closing my eyes again and focusing on the sensation of his grip. “I’m free to feel like shit when things go badly." I let out.

“Things are not going badly,” he sighed, leaving my leg and switching to the other. “You’re simply letting yourself fall behind.”

I took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, my head falling back against the floor. I stayed there for a few moments, my heart pounding against my chest and my thoughts racing a million miles per hour. When I finally opened my eyes again, I looked up at Rocco, this time because I felt my thigh burning with discomfort, he was still looking at me, waiting for an answer.

"Too much." I glanced below while patting his arm. He raised an eyebrow, implying more pressure. "Ei!" I scrunched my nose. He just arched a brow. Sadistic fucker. “What? Are you going to hurt me until I hold someone at gunpoint and ask for a seat?”

“You talk like you don’t have good offers, Eva.”

“What is a good offer? Driving against 19-year-old boys in Formula 3? It’s humiliating.”

“W Series?” He suggested.

“I want to race with men and show people I can win against them.” I sat down. Rocco took his hands from my legs. My muscles tingled with the same intensity my thoughts did. “I like the Challenge because I’m showing them I can do it. But the team does not have a budget to race in other series. And I can’t be a reserve forever. So I can do another year and hope things change.”

“See? You’re choosing to fall behind.” He took a deep breath, understanding my frustration. "You can always look for sponsorship," he said, his eyes focused on the floor. "You have the talent, the connections—"

“I spent my teenage years sending letters and desperately trying to talk to people. You saw how that went.”

“You have results to show them, now. In two weeks you’ll have a championship.” I dragged my hands over my face. Instant regret. Both my hands and face were tingling with the same intensity my thoughts did. “W Series will give you exposure. Will give you points. You need points..”

“Why are you so interested now?” I arched an eyebrow, feeling a bit suspicious. “The year is long. Anything can happen. A lot can change.”

“I just don’t see you planning ahead.” He deadpanned, his expression unreadable. “What if you can’t do another season of the Challenge? Will you be content with just being a reserve in WEC?”

“Why so many ifs?” I asked, still feeling a bit apprehensive.

“Motorsports are unpredictable,” he replied, his voice steady and sure. “I’ve been around long enough to know that. And I’m your coach, not just a trainer. It’s kinda my responsibility to do this.”

“Nah, I’m not having it.” I paused, still not entirely convinced. “Do you know something I don’t?”

Rocco just shook his head. The dark strands of his hair moved in unison. “Eva—” He shrugged. I could see the wheels turning in his mind. Whatever he was about to say, it seemed like it wasn't completely true. "One," he continued; his tone shifting. "I don't want to be left without a job when you get bored of racing." I threw my towel at him, though I knew he was only joking. Unfortunately, he dodged it. "Two," he continued, "you're racing like a pro. You should race with the pros."

At least, in one thing he was right. I was racing like a pro.

On the other hand, I was not acting like one.

My team and my dad, the main sponsor, were the only support I had. Despite having other offers, none met our expectations. I had been a third, fourth, or fifth driver for too long. I had spent too much time in the garage, running simulations, and taking part in test sessions. Years of it. Each of these experiences had demoralized me.

Racing in the Challenge, learning with my team, taking time to understand the car and driving it to a podium made sense to me. Standing in the garage and hoping for someone to get food poisoning or COVID was not only morally wrong but also quite dull.

“Did you make this whole drama when Rio told you he wanted to stop racing and just go to college and become an engineer?” I asked, getting up from the floor and picking up my towel, still lying on the ground.

“It was worse actually,” my trainer said, following me. “I think I almost killed him when he told me.”

“We make quite the pair, don’t we?”

He smiled and nodded. “Yes, you do. Your poor father has his hands full with you two.” We stopped walking when we reached the locker room. “Go have a shower and get some rest.”

The second I reached my locker and opened the wooden door, I reached for my phone, looking for a message that hadn't arrived. Pathetic. A part of me considered taking the initiative and being the one to call or text him but, to be honest, what was left for me to say?

I had already told him everything by asking him not to kiss me and I might have told him even more by refusing to let go of him.

The office smelled of churros, so I knew Amanda was around. Either that or someone else had the same idea as her.

Familiar faces smiled back at me as I crossed the corridors and the work areas until I finally reached the common area and took one of the available seats. Since I had chosen to work remotely, and only visited the office casually for occasional meetings or when I needed a place where I could focus, I wasn't given an office.

The room was filled with the buzz of people chatting and the occasional laughter, making me feel a bit out of place. I knew most of them (read: I knew their names and which projects were under their purview), but rarely talked to any of them. Amanda, one of my friends from college, and the one who had introduced me to this agency was the only one I regularly talked with.

I sat down in my chair and pulled my laptop out of my bag. After talking with Rocco yesterday, I decided to take action on my career and spent last night looking at emails and reading my dad's notes on the sides of those he considered important enough to print. So, when I opened my laptop, my screen showed me my Notion board, which honestly felt like a showcase of my own failures. Not the first thing I wanted to see that morning.

A knock on the glass divider of the office made me lift my head up and find Amanda on the other side of it. A beautiful purple jumper highlighted her beautiful curves; her hair was pulled up in a ponytail. In her hands, a white box.

I waved at her.

“Vamos,” she motioned with her head. “Before anyone tries to steal these from me.”

I smiled and grabbed my laptop, zipping it up before getting up and walking towards her. “You know I have an important weekend ahead, right?”

She laughed, opening the box. “A churro won't weigh you down, don't worry.”

I took one of them and walked near her to the cafeteria. The morning light was soft, and the day was not too warm. Ideal to sit on the balcony and talk for a while. So, that's what we did. I grabbed coffee for both, while she walked outside.

The sunshine on my skin was just a slight warmth as I leaned on my chair, and the smooth breeze of the morning cooled off my skin. Traffic sounds in the background, the ruffle of chairs and the occasional bark of one of the dogs playing on the balcony of the start-up that shares the building with us.

While having a sip of her coffee, I noticed Amanda's eyes widening, and I could practically see the bell ringing in her mind. Instantly, my brows were drawn together. Brace yourself, Eva.

"So, I heard on Twitter dot com…" I rolled my eyes at the last part, and despite provoking a small chuckle from her, she didn't stop talking and her gaze still remained twinkling mischievously. "Carlos was in Mugello last weekend."

Oh, for fucks sake.

"If that's what Twitter says, it must be true."

"Yes. So," she paused. Her head tilted slightly, honestly looking like a pup who saw a threat in the distance. "Did you two talk?"

I shook my head; my fingers busy on the handle of my mug, desperately trying to seem unbothered by the question. "Nah, we didn't talk."

"You sure?" She asked, her eyebrows raised in suspicion.

"Yes, I'm sure," I said, my voice steady. "It's not like we're friends or anything."

"That's too bad," she murmured, a hint of disbelief in her voice. "It's not like Carlos and your brother are still like, the best of friends and maybe— maybe he went there to visit him and you end up talking?"

I sighed. "Stop it."“You're a terrible liar, Eva.” Amanda said bluntly, her gaze intense.

“Amanda,” I said, my voice stern and my eyes piercing. "Stop it."

“So, you talked.” Amanda gave me a knowing look. "I knew it. I saw those tweets and I realised we had barely talked this week, and that only happens when you're too busy overthinking. And then boom, I woke up to dozens of notes made at 2 am? You always go to bed early." She crossed her arms, her gaze still intense. "Come on, just tell me what happened. If it’s not him, it’s anything else. That worries me too. I'm here for you, no judgement."

I sighed. "Fine," I said, setting my mug down and leaning back on the chair. "We talked. A lot. We actually had dinner."

Amanda's gaze softened, but then she frowned again. “Dinner? The three of you?”

“The two of us.”

"Just the two of you?" Amanda's eyes widened in surprise, lips smiling brightly. I nodded to her question. "What did you talk about?"

A part of me wanted to end it there. The other part of me needed some guidance. And Amanda was a friend, she always had good advice. On the downside, she loved to gossip. But we were friends. Guidance. But gossip.

I shrugged. “Just normal things. Racing.”

“Okaaaay, that’s good.” At this point, her lips were curving up like she was the one having dinner with him. I couldn’t decide if her reaction annoyed me or made me happy. "So, what now? Are you going to keep in contact with him?"

I shook my head. "I don't think the dinner changed anything.” Liar.

“Eva,” she propped her elbows on the table. “You’re a terrible liar. Spit it out. What happened? If you don’t want to talk about it, tell me that. Just don’t lie.”

Talking about it would make a big deal. A bigger deal, actually. I dragged my hands over my face, tired and confused. Thinking about it was challenging enough and I truly didn't want to transform all my confusion and emotions into words. Amanda, on the other hand, couldn't hide the fact that she wanted the truth, her gaze so strong it almost made me melt over the iron (and obnoxiously red) chair I was sitting on.

So I told her. Every single detail. From the glorious vision of him under the bright lights of my garage, which for a second made me feel like I was living in an alternate world, through the call at dawn, to his gauze under the beautiful sunset glow. His warm, velvety lips brushing against mine. I told her about the “I think I might have loved you, too”, and the way that even in my dreams I couldn’t seem to forget his scent when he hugged me goodbye.

I felt so exposed, so vulnerable, as I spilled my heart out onto that small table, and when I finished all I could hear was the sound of her sigh. A ridiculous rom-com kind of sigh.

“I just feel like we messed it up because of pure desperation,” I said, crossing one leg over the other and looking around. “He messed it up. I think we just missed each other so much we… I don’t know. Got confused on the feelings?”

“He messed up?”

“I didn’t kiss him back. I just asked him to please, don’t.” It was more ridiculous saying it out loud now than when I recalled the moment in my mind.

“You’re even stupider than I thought,” was her answer. I arched my brow. “The guy cooked for you, at his place, told you he “thinks he loved you too” and tries to kiss you and now you’re mad because he didn’t text you?” She paused. “What the hell will he say? Of course, he won’t text you. What would you say to someone after being denied a kiss? Text him yourself.”

“No.”

“Why not?” Why not? I asked myself the same question. Because I can’t trust him to stay. Better, because I can’t trust him to not leave. “Don’t be stubborn, come on. Just by looking at you, I know you’re dying to get that kiss.”

“Can’t we go back inside and talk about work?”

“Oh, no, missy.” She shook her head. “Those AB tests can wait. I want to talk about you and how you’re so dumb you might lose the chance of your life.”

“You’re exaggerating. As always.”

“Eva.” She was stern, her eyes burning on me. “He was your best friend. At least try to mend that friendship. Even if you don’t want anything else. Whatever the reason.”

I sighed, bowing my head in defeat. Amanda had a way of making me see sense, even when I didn't want to. "And if I can’t see him as a friend but still can’t give a step in the other direction?”

“Then, you give it time. Just don’t give it too much space.” She got up from her chair. Mug on one hand. The empty white box on the other. “Remember how that worked up last time.”

Fact one about Amanda: she was probably the most curious person I knew. Any arguments in the office, celebrity rumours or gossip of literally any kind she knew by heart, down to the last detail. And while that was remotely irritating, especially at exhausting times, like during Amber and Johnny’s trial, or when (especially when) the news broke about Pique and Shakira's divorce, it could also be a blessing. At least from my point of view. Perhaps all the stories contributed to her having a broader view of relationships and, as a result, being so good at giving advice. Fact two: there was no one more insistent than her, so, evidently, she couldn’t leave the office without reminding me to text him.

It was 5 pm, and I was utterly absorbed in the presentation for the new restaurant. I was head down, consumed by the details of culinary and marketing analytics, and, to tell the truth, my mind was so focused on this project that I couldn't really think of anything else.

Amanda was getting ready to leave. Jacquemus purse over her shoulder and a strong pink lipstick on the place where a less saturated one had been during the day.

“You stay?” She asked me.

“Aham,” I briefly made my eyes leave the screen to look at her. “I need to finish this. Next week I’ll be too busy.”

“You leaving for Italy on Monday?”

“Tuesday,” I corrected her, my eyes going back down to the laptop. “Don’t want to leave this to the last minute.”

“Okay. I’ll try to have a look at it before you leave. Also,” my eyes went up again. “Send the man a good luck text.”

I sighed, rolling my eyes at her. "He doesn't need my luck text.”

Amanda nodded, her eyes still twinkling mischievously. "Okay, send him a whatever text, then. An emoji. Like his Instagram story.”

“I’m afraid liking his story won’t work.” I leaned back on her office chair, which I had taken in the middle of the day when she needed to leave for a meeting and left me to use her small office.

“Text him, then. Anything. I wouldn’t let Carlos Sainz escape, but you do you, babes,” she shrugged, turning her back to me to walk to the door.“Enjoy the weekend. Besos!”

“Bye!”

I didn’t text him. Of course. In the same way, she was insistent, I was stubborn.

Actually, let me rephrase it.

I didn’t text him then.

Mid-afternoon, Rio had called inviting me to dinner, and when I asked about the kids, he told me he had booked a nanny, so they would stay home. It was either business or pleasure. I didn't need to ask; as soon as he mentioned my dad was invited, I knew we'd be discussing business. And after Rocco's worries last night, I knew it was partly my business, too.

My nerves were on edge as I prepared to leave the office. They only worsened as I neared the restaurant - a way too fancy place for a Friday dinner with the family.

Crossing the sidewalk, my heels clacking on the cement, my head spinning from the long hours in front of my laptop, and the anxiety building in my chest, I looked inside. My dad was seated at the end of the table, with an empty seat to his right - the seat I was supposed to take. Marjorie was already waving at me. Smiling politely to the man standing at the door, I said, "They're waiting for me." He nodded and let me enter.

My eyes drifted to their table, and I allowed myself a few seconds to study the mood. They were laughing, but my palms were still sweating as I settled in for what would surely be an uncomfortable conversation.

"Sorry, traffic," I said, punctuating my apology with a kiss on each of my parents' cheeks. "Am I too late?"

"No, no," my dad said, his voice warm and comforting. "Your brother was about to tell me something, but you just distracted him. Go ahead, Fabrizio."

I turned to him, curious.

"I'm sure we can wait a bit more. Just... after the food," he said.

"Why are you so nervous?" Marjorie asked, her violet fingernails softly laying over his arm in a gentle caress. "It's something good," she said to me. "Don't worry."

"Are you pregnant again?" my mom asked.

"No! No, no!" my sister-in-law responded quickly, her voice almost echoing in the room. Even Rio seemed surprised by her rapid response. "It's Rio's news. Not mine."

“After the food, then,” my father said.

“I hate it when I do that,” I muttered to my brother, grabbing the menu from the table and letting my eyes drift through the print. “You haven’t ordered yet, right?”

My dad shook his head. "We were waiting for you.”

I glanced at the menu one last time before setting it back down. My dad's hand called for a waiter and, after the young man left, the conversation resumed. As usual before any Grand Prix, the race weekend was the matter on the table and, that night specifically, Carlos' penalty was the urgent matter. Ferrari had the pace and Carlos had the skill, but as I sat there, hearing my brother and dad's input on how wise the choice had or hadn't been, my attention diverged to the DNF he had suffered in Austria, less than two weeks ago. Vivid images of the flames engulfing the car, the heartbreaking words on the radio, and the cheers that echoed through the crowd as his teammate stepped onto the top step filled my mind.

One feeling the glory, the other one consumed in ruin.

“Good luck out there this weekend.” "Don’t pull another Austria. That one was scary.”

Done. I’d texted him. For better or for worse, it was done. And I didn’t have time to put the phone back in the purse before it vibrated again in my hand.

“Thank you. I really need it.”

I checked the time.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?”

“I’m resting." "Listening to my teammate rant about food, but resting.”

“Why? Did you tell him about the cheese-less pasta you tried to feed me?” “If I expect Leclerc to teach you something is how to cook pasta."

"He’s a terrible cooker.” “I’m better learning it from you.”

"I’ll be sure to give you a lesson someday."

"I'll hold you to that."

"What are you smiling about?" Marjorie asked, my attention immediately being grabbed from my screen to the table.

"Nothing, sorry," I said quickly, tucking my phone back into my purse. "Amanda just texted me about the work I was finishing.”

"Ah, Eva, if you put that effort into racing…" he said, as the waiter came back with our food. I tried to ignore him, especially because there was no use fighting back his comment.

Even with the food on the table and the anticipation to find out about Rio’s news tugging on my chest, the conversation didn’t go further from Formula 1. My dad, a lifelong Italian Ferrari fan and a very biased Carlos supporter was ranting over the lack of professionalism he was sensing from the team and how the choices they repeatedly made ruined not only the drivers but the prestige of the team. Nothing new. Rio and I have been listening to the same tirade for a long couple of years and nothing seemed to change, even after the amazing start to the season the team had.

“I had my reservations at first, but you could be a nice fit for the team, actually”, my dad said, pointing at Rio, with the knife he was using to cut his steak. Rio looked confused at him, and then, at me. “Have they given you an answer?”

What?

For a moment, I felt like I’d fallen on a different table, a completely different conversation. My gaze shifted from one to the other, confused by my father’s question.

“Who’s they?” I asked. Marjorie was biting her lip; her violet fingertips on my brother’s arm, once again.

“Ferrari,” my father responded, clearly stepping over my brother’s feet. Rio seemed bothered; clenched jaw, restless fingers that Marjorie tried to calm by positioning hers over. “Are those the news?” He asked him.

Rio nodded, his jaw unclenching and his lips transforming to a slight grin. "Yep. They offered me a job." He looked around the table, his gaze caught mine for a second but quickly left again. “I need to let them know my decision until Monza.”

“You applied for a job at Ferrari?” I asked. Honestly, I was so confused I couldn’t piece all the things together. “We’re doing so good at the Challenge, you could have waited for just one m—”

“Eva.” My dad interrupted me. The strong stern voice pulled my attention. The authority value of his words over the sweet comforting voice of the beginning of the dinner. The mood had definitely shifted “Wait? You’re the one that’s always urging the team to aim for higher heights.”

"Exactly. The team won't do that without Rio."

"But your brother will. And so will you." I tried to interject but with no success. He continued before I even had the chance to talk. "You can't possibly think your brother would stay with the team knowing he could have this huge opportunity."

"I didn't know about any opportunity." I was replying to my father, but my eyes were directed to Rio. "What about the team? And the Challenge?" I inquired.

"In less than two weeks, the championship will be over. I have no doubts you will win it. You're just losing time there," my father's tone was bothering me, but the fact that he was still cutting his steak as he talked was really aggravating my temper.

Rio, on the other hand, didn't react. His expression didn't even shift. He remained silent, eyes shifting between mine and dad's face. In his silence, though, he was telling me much more than he thought.

"This is not a formality," I said to my father. "Can you please look at me while you talk about our future?"

Finally, he put down his cutlery and remained silent for a few seconds. Deep blue eyes looked up at me, cold and serious.

"There's no future for you if you're afraid to take a serious step," he said finally. "I won't let your brother get stuck in the Challenge when I know he can do so much more. I won't let you make him fall behind because of you."

"Because of me?"

"Why else would he stay at the Challenge?" I stayed silent, feeling my fake sense of confidence being stripped away with the weight of my dad's question. The answer that my conscience gave me was selfish and I refused to say it out loud. I was afraid of staying alone, rather, I was afraid to see Rio flying solo in the higher aims I ambitioned for me and not being able to carry along. Only if he waited, we could jump up together. "Why would he choose anything less than Formula One?"

"So, you have it decided, then?" I asked Rio. "How did that even happen?"

His tongue crept in between his lips, eyes wandering on my face, afraid to reach my eyes. It was making me nervous. Not just because he was about to leave me, but because he didn't tell me about it, prior. My dad knew about it. He even thought that I knew about it. And like a lightning bulb lighting up on my head: Rocco knew it, too.

"It was proposed to me. The job. At Silverstone, a few weeks ago." Even though Rio was stuttering, and his words barely constructed a sentence, piece by piece it all fell together. "Apparently, Carlos talked to someone about you. About the Challenge. And he mentioned me, my results..." he explained. "Carlos invited me there for the Grand Prix and surprised me with an interview."

Why didn't it surprise me? Carlos. The “right time”, of course.

"Your results? Why hide this from me?” I asked, looking around the table. “Clearly, everyone else knows.”

“I wanted to tell you, but didn’t get the chance to do it.”

“But what?” I asked, half defeated, half annoyed. Angry, even. There was so much going on inside me, I couldn’t think straight. “You just said you had the interview in Silverstone. Weeks ago. You had plenty of opportunities.”

“I knew you would snap and react like this,” Rio tried to justify himself.

“Snap? I’m not—” I paused and took a deep breath. At this point, I was seething with anger. “I’m asking questions. I’m not… snapping.”

“You should be happy for me,” I would if I didn’t feel betrayed. “I know you well enough to know that you would react… badly to the news. Especially if you knew Carlos was involved**.**”

Even though his name was blinking on my head, in bold red letters, I tried to set apart his involvement in this story. So, I carried on,

“And you’re just going to do it? Leave the team, the whole project and ditch us? Without even consulting me?”

He shrugged. “I’m consulting you now.”

“This is not a consultation, Rio. Please.” A pause. “This is you telling me what you’re going to do, without even considering my opinion or the team that’s behind your great results.”

“Go ahead.” He made a gesture with his hand. “What’s your opinion, then? You are the one that’s always telling me to aim higher. This is my dream. Always has been.”

“What? Formula One? I thought your dream was to drive in Formula One. Or was that before you noticed you’re a shitty driver? Enlighten me.”

“Eva, enough,” the deep voice cut me off.

I felt like I was going to burst. I wanted to scream, to cry, to express my anger somehow. But my dad's stern gaze kept me in my place. I felt completely helpless and unheard.

“You’re being ridiculous,” said Rio, cutting through the silence. “Childish, even. Ungrateful.”

“Ungrateful? I’m not the one leaving.”

“Why does leaving need to be bad?” The question settled in for a second. “Grow a bit, and maybe you’ll get some good opportunities too.”

“Sure, maybe then my friends will get me jobs, too. Is that what you mean?”

“Enough.” My dad's fist hit the table, loud enough to silence us, but not to the point of attracting too much attention.

My gaze lingered on his clenched fist on the table. I nodded, forcing myself not to say anything else. I placed my napkin on the table and got up, making sure my chair wouldn’t make any noise when pushed back. Before turning around, I paused briefly, my gaze now resting on my brother. “Good luck with your new job.”

It didn't surprise me when I saw Carlos fly through the track the next day, setting amazing times in the qualifying session, despite the penalty waiting for him for the race. He was dancing with the car, tracing beautiful lines within the colourful ones Paul Ricard was known for. Carlos would start P19 the next day, only ahead of Magnussen, who also had a back-of-the-grid penalty.

I traded the interviews for a dip in the pool and lingered there for the remainder of the afternoon. Perhaps because I was not the best person to have around that day, my parents had left just before lunch and didn't get back until after dinner. Alone, with music echoing throughout the house and the crippling anxiety the events that week had provoked, I felt myself get lost in the doubts and uncertainties.

My phone rang when I was already getting ready for bed. On my nightstand, the name Carlos appeared over an old photo of both of us. Like I couldn't control it, I walked to the phone and sat on the bed. I let it ring a few times before picking it up.

“Hi,” he said. I just looked through the window, to the dark backyard. “No good luck text today?”

“Guess not.”

“And why's that?”

“Did you know Rio had an interview to work at Ferrari?”

“Yes...?” He paused. “Is that a problem?”

“Did you know he got a job offer?”

We both fell into a moment of silence. A long sigh stretched through the line. I closed my eyes, not sure what to expect from the conversation. The next time his voice was heard, it was more serious.

"Can we stop asking questions instead of answering them?"

"The timing is funny," I said. "Just that."

"What do you mean?"

"You coming to Mugello? Was that a coincidence?"

"Eva, what?" Carlos was silent for a few seconds. "Don't make this into a drama," he said. "Rio is talented and if he got a job offer it's because he earned it. The things are not remotely related."

"I'm not complaining about him getting the job."

"Then what are you complaining about?" Carlos asked.

"That it took you years to finally come back and talk to me and it happened just when he got a job in your team. Did you really want to talk to me or did he make you do that?"

"I didn't do it for him," Carlos said. "I did it because I wanted to see you."

"I wish I could believe you."

"And why don't you?"

"It's been three years. Coincidences don't just happen."

I could hear him breathe. Silence weighed down my chest. He wasn't denying it. He wasn't telling me why he was there, that night. "Can I see you this week?" He asked me, before a long sigh.

"No."

"I'll be in Maranello for a few days." I bit my lip, shaking my head to the void. "You'll be in Imola, right? I can go there—"

"I don't want to see you." I talked over him and then paused for a brief second. "Don't show up there, please. It's an important week and I don't really need more distractions."

“Eva, por favor.”

“Good luck tomorrow.”

I put my phone away and let myself sink into the bed, feeling nothing but the warmth of the comforters on my skin and the instant sense of security that came over me. I allowed my eyes to close and my mind to drift away, and before I knew it, a prayer for Carlos came into my thoughts.

I prayed for strength for both him and me, for us. I knew that, whether we were on or off the track, we would need to find a way to get through whatever was to come.

Next Chapter: 04.

Thank you for your support in the previous chapter! Carlos will become a more present character in the future. Pinky promise. Don't abandon me until that happens, please! <3

#tightrope #carlos sainz x you #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz smut #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz fanfic #carlos sainz #f1 imagine #f1 one shot #f1 fanfic #f1 x you #f1 x reader #fanf1ction #carlos sainz angst #carlos sainz fluff #carlos sainz jr

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lenasprouts-words · 5 months

Text

olderbrother!skz headcanons pt 2!!

ahh maknae line! hyung line

han

you guys are inseparable

you also get mad at minho for stealing your brother

also han and u are actual soulmates

minho is second (and less cool in ur opinion)

only about one-two years apart

when yall meet he does the ‘where my hug at?’ thing

its either you koala hug him or he does

just like, legs wrapped around waist typa hug

or he’ll bury his face into your armpit

you think it’s disgusting but he argues its comfy

he sends you all his photos he wants to post

then you choose the ones you like

he likes anime; you like kdramas

constantly fighting abt which is better

it got so heated once that even felix rose his voice for yall to stfu

its okay tho u made up a day after and went to the park to have a singing contest

you watch silly documentaries together

your chat is filled with stupid jokes and complaints

but he’s the first to know when something is wrong

started dissing this kid who bullied you in fifth grade

he got sent to the office but gave you a hug right before

steals things from photoshoots to give to you

spams you when he’s in the studio

asks you for lyric inspo and uses your terrible love life as inspo

once you showed one of his songs to your partner

’my brother wrote this about my last ex. dont make him do it again, he cried writing it.’

well your partner also cried so

matching stuffed animals <3

asks you to help him learn twice choreo

bc ur a huge once

he also got you a signed album from them

’oh here noonas gave me this idk why tho’

felix

loves you to death.

like fr its scary

youre four-five years younger than him

so you basically have eight older brothers

nicknamed you smiley bc your smile is the cutest thing ever (and it is)

runs to you calling ‘smiley!!!’

and lifts you off the ground when you hug

he hooks his chin around your shoulder and smells you

you think him smelling you is weird but it isnt

bc according to him you smell like ‘vanilla and lavenders and lemon’

it is so very random but you love it anyways

you two balance each other out so well, in a really weird way tho

like he’s hyper and energetic and sweet

while your active and excited and a little bitter

your insults and comebacks make him cry laugh every time

and you do the same with felix

he will NEVER shut up abt you trust

like seungmin once put him on a ban from talking about you

but he just started texting about you so

taught you taekwando

and now you fight hand to hand against changbin (and win most times)

felix doesnt like it tho bc ‘changbinnie'll get hurt and cry!’

both of your puberty hormones went to your voice box

his got deeper and huskier; yours is silkier and in the middle tone range leaning deep

but its like a rich deep ya know?

when he’s sleepy he starts mumbling random sentences and you record them snd send them to you group chat named ‘skz (-1 sunshine +1 smiley)’

if seungmin thought felix was bad at gaming, youre even worse

most of the time you end up dying

its funny because you started gaming before felix did too

you gave each other sweatshirts for white day in korea

and now your roommate hates when you use it because its so worn down and lowk smelly

jeongin has to beg felix to take it off and put it in the wash

dance parties at random times

especially if you or felix are feeling down

the playlist ‘HOE DANCE DOWN!’ is blasting

consisting of twice, charli xcx, dua lipa, and olivia rodrigo

other artists too and some from jyp bc felix loves his jypnation

not jyp tho anytime felix complains abt the ‘stupid motherfucker who wont shut up and has no talent and too much confidence’

complains ESPECIALLY while yall r playing fortnite, on your request

baking is your shared therapy

felix makes brownies, you make cookies

perfect duo in the kitchen

you bake so often that watching you two is like a dance

members will literally watch you bake and you flip them off

‘LIXIE I GOT FLIPPED OFF AGAIN!’

‘JISUNG STOP BEING A CREEP!!’

rock paper scissors is YOUR thing

like felix will just turn to you and stick his fist out

you also win almost every time

seungmin

you literally have twin telepathy

mainly bc your twins but he is also thirty two minutes older

so, day ones

gatekeeps you from his friends but not the group

because somehow they already knew who you were

you introduced yourself to them the day they debuted

only pretends to be sad abt not being a twin in the group

because he already has you and wouldnt change it for anything

the only person he will not hesitate from skinship is you

pats on the head, chin on shoulder, holding hands, occasional squeezing

his hugs are your safe spot

he’d tap you on the shoulder and take your arm

then he starts massaging you after pulling you into the hug

and it feels so good

and he’s surprisingly good at it too

treats you like a baby bc ur the youngest in you family (by a half hour)

once got you a new phone to stop you from complaining

you think its because he loves you but that is denied every time (its true tho, bc who wouldnt love you?)

only person who can calm you down

when you get too mad

he’ll call you or lay next to you

rub your back until you calm down

if youre on call he’ll put on music and start singing random shit

youre the orange kitty to his golden retriever puppy

you literally paw at him until he gives you his attention

he’ll get excited and its the cutest thing you’ve seen

wakes you up by singing the high note in ‘cover me’ in your ear

ever since he’d recorded that he’s been bragging abt it

but you dont mind bc his singing is nice and you know he would feel the same if you bragged about your fashion designs and website

every day you leave him sweet messages (like his older sister!!)

‘oh seungmo, love your hair today! your smile lit up my room puppy’

in return he sends cute gifs

he also learned french from the i am you tour to swear at you

asks for help in english before events/interviews where english will be used

you were the one who calmed his worries before the paris fashion week

since youre an english and fashion design major he relies on you

he will also never get over the fact that his TWIN is double majoring

your literally jeongin’s favorite tho

bc if seungmin says no you’ll say yes

very very mischevious

if one of you are having a bad day

you’ll just bring the other to a rage room

very effective

jeongin

he’s the maknae of the group and hates getting babied

so he automatically doesn’t baby you

maybe he does a little bit….

but thats because you told him it was okay and you liked it

youre around three years younger than him

so everyone in the group babies you

jeongin is always the first to go and greet you tho

spooks you tho

goes behind your back and yells ‘boo!’ in your ear

he gets punched by you after that

you just tackle him and squeeze him

but he goes ‘oh youve grown so big now!’

he’s also been getting stronger so when he goes into his normal hug where he puts his amrs around and under your armpits, you get squeezed until youre out of breath

on that note

he takes you to the gym bc you’ve been wanting to work out since starting college

he wanted to b your gym buddy (also was scared of u dying bc of asking binnie)

pushes you enough to finish bc he knows ur limits <3

you go to a convinience store after your workouts

both of yall try to pay BUT you make a schedule for who pays

you switch off

innie is extremely proud he made that idea

share a gym playlist

and most of your playlist

bc ur music taste is so similar you end up collabing playlists

you both do daily fit checks

slowly you’ve been able to coax him out of terrible shoe choices

you’ll show him something new and he’ll be like

‘oh is this what all the youngsters are wearing now?’

he busts out these rubber shoes that give you a headache

‘im doing it for stay’ you know stay’s reaction bc u r one

you always show what stays are saying on pinterest and call them simps

but you also cant talk bc, and jeongin quotes this

‘damnn hyunjin looking fine enough to be mine’

but also jeongin constantly uses pick up lines on YOUR friends

if he ever picks you up he’ll turn to someone your hanging out with

‘are you the sun because youre so hot you burn my retinas’

and everyone is just. majorly confused

its his random space obsession showing okay

you went on a planetarium date one time

he talked your ear off and then you bit his ear

retaliation for all the times he’s bit you when he was a wee little one

after that you went shopping

a stay photographed yall starting dating rumors

but its okay bc jeongin addressed it in his lives

telling everyone youre siblings

there is a ten minute video of him cracking up, tears flowing bc of the situation

@chans-muffin i delivered!!!!

#hops writes shit #stray kids

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littlemoneytoes · 3 months

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Goldie is adorable but in trouble

Hello, hello my superstars thank you so much for the wait and so many good ideas you have given me it has helped so much today as you have read the title and I know you will be confused but you'll understand why when you read this story so sit back relax and enjoy a few belly roll of laugher

year: 1998

Goldie was causing mischief, as usual, doing pranks and trying his best to take over the pizzeria, but tonight was different, Goldie saw Mike throw away an old mattress and a camera into the pizzeria's dumpster this made the golden bear very curious, he goes to the dumpster where Mike has thrown the two items, he grabbed both items and teleported them and himself to the backroom, Goldie checked the mattress first to make sure there was no broken springs or any bed bugs crawling around once he had found none, he gets a big white bed sheet that he had found earlier when he was checking the boxes in his room and starts to put them on the large mattress, once he was finished he flops himself on the large mattress and felt how comfortable it was making the golden bear purr while being comfortable

Goldie: hmmm this is nice, now I can understand why Mike and Henry like this so much, this mattress is so comfy

The golden bear said to himself before remembering the camera, the golden bear checked the camera out and found it was still in good shape and working just fine after he had put fresh batteries in, Goldie smiled seeing the camera had several settings and had accidentally flashed the camera in his eyes almost blinding him before this gave the golden bear an idea, an awful idea, this idea gave Goldie a wonderful awful idea! ( but does he listen when people tell him that some things should not be put into action? Noo!!)

Goldie: ooohhh I know just what to do with this camera >:3 He said with a chuckle in his throat and started to set the camera up after he had found a camera stand and some camera equipment, and a laptop that he had stolen from Mike's office, he laid himself on the mattress and began to take pictures of himself using the camera flash but he didn't know that someone was watching this all go down one of them was Shadow Freddy, watching the golden bear take pictures of himself before he goes back to what he was doing inside the vents since the camera flash was hurting his eyes, the next one was Finn, Goldie's 2nd best friend, he was so confused of why Goldie was taking pictures of himself before he sees Goldie start to download the pictures on the laptop and onto the internet for everyone to see like Tumblr and an app that is unheard of but this didn't sit well for Finn, and he rushes to find Freddy, to put an end to what Goldie was doing, Goldie on the other hand was enjoying himself getting praised all over the internet before he got a request from a fan of his and that was wanting him to take off his hat and bowtie, now this didn't seem like a good idea to Goldie, but his pride got the better of him and he was just about to take a picture of himself naked before his door slammed right open causing the golden bear to drop the button that was connected to the camera, he looks and sees it was Freddy and he was not a happy bear and besides him was a very worried Finn, and an upset Mike

Freddy: GOLDEN FREDDY FAZBEAR DROP THAT CAMERA THIS INSTANT!!! Freddy said roaring with anger and went to the golden bear to prevent him from taking a picture of himself naked which he was both mad but glad that he got there just in time before Goldie took the photo, Mike went to the laptop and checked to make sure Goldie didn't do something stupid, but he saw the request in a private dm and when he read it, his face shown of disappointment and disgust that someone had asked Goldie to take a picture of himself naked and send it to him, and well Mike deleted both accounts that Goldie made that included the images with them, and unplugged the camera and looked at Goldie, but doesn't say anything, he took both the laptop and camera and take them back to his office but somewhere out of animatronic's reach, Finn watched this go down hoping Goldie didn't do what he thought he was going to do, and well Freddy gave Goldie a lecture before making Goldie put his bowtie and hat on and left with a huff, Mike came back to give Goldie a talk

Mike: Goldie, come with me to the office please you and I need to have a chat

the night guard said with a calm but stern tone in his voice, making Goldie feel a bit uneased, but after the two got to the office, Mike sat Goldie down and wanted to ask him a few questions first before getting to the point of what he wanted to talk to Goldie about

Mike: Goldie where did you get the camera, laptop, and mattress??

he said looking at the golden bear, wanting answers and well Goldie couldn't lie to Mike since Mike had the " tell the truth or you are in big trouble" stare

Goldie: I got them from the dumpster and in your office

the golden bear said with his ears drooped down in shame, mostly because he got caught by everyone

Mike: I see and what did you think you were doing with the camera and laptop don't you realize that was dangerous??

he said doing his best to keep his cool and knowing he would have to tell Henry, his boss, about what happened and knows his boss would give Goldie the talk about the dangers of what is okay to do and what is not okay to do especially on the internet

Goldie:....I just was having fun and enjoyed being praised by my fans

He said not looking up at Mike since he knew there would be a lecture when Mike finished asking questions but tonight was not that night

Mike: I understand but Goldie what you did was both dangerous and not safe the internet is not a safe place for anyone including you and everyone else in this pizzeria, and that person who wanted you to send naked pictures is a predator and I'm glad we came in before you took those pictures and send them he said and knew Goldie would try to make an excuse but he wasn't going to let him this time right now since he clearly needed Goldie to understand what he was about to do earlier in his room was considered child pornography and it was both illegal and disgusting to anyone that has children and Mike consider Goldie's mental age to be about 9 years old

Mike: Goldie, I will have to punish you since this was very dangerous of what you did

he said getting up leading Goldie to the timeout corner and sitting him down in the plastic yellow chair, and making Goldie face the wall, he also sat down at one of the party table's chairs and set the time for about 10 minutes and stayed there to make sure Goldie didn't try to escape timeout like the golden bear has done several times, Mike takes a few deeps breathes to stay calm and stopped anyone from talking to Goldie since he was still in timeout

(after the ten minutes are up)

Mike checks his watch and lets Goldie go do what he usually does but makes a quick phone call to Henry who is asleep, so Mike leaves a voicemail and goes back into the security office, everyone that included Finn bugged Goldie with questions about what happened because Freddy had told them a small part of what happened and well Goldie wasn't feel like talking or doing his usual mischief, he goes to his room and locked the door till a sound from the vent inside his room ws heard and it was.......

T.B.C The ask-and-dare boxes are open but remember no fetishes, any sibling x siblingship, or anything that is not kid-friendly since this book is for kids of all ages

P.S.: yes this chapter is also an internet awareness chapter to share the awareness of creeps and pedos on the internet here is some advice if someone says they have something of yours that could ruin your life if you didn't send them nude pictures?? you ask them for the proof and if they do go to an adult you trust and tell them what is happening and show them the evidence that you are being harassed by this person that they want nude pictures from you and you call the police right away to let the law deal with them after you hand in all of the evidence to the police no children of any age should feel pressured or feel alone about this kind of stuff it is okay to ask for help even if it feels scary or won't help trust me it works and helps and you are not alone on this P.S.S: this idea was given to me by @saltv2 Goldie's body pillow

#ask goldie anything #aga #ask goldie anything au #ask me anything #ask goldie #chapter story of internet awareness #P.B doesn't know about this incident

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sgt-morgan · 2 years

Text

Of Flowers and Family 💐

Summary: You and Jack have built a life together, the birth of your twins adding to your joy, and as you build a new family together, you find yourselves greatful for every day.

Warnings: mentions of death of a spouse, birth stuff, premature babies and NICU stuff, milk production, AFAB! Female identifying reader.

A/N: I saw this TikTok of a little girl swimming in a dress and it made me think of my favorite wild child Daisy Mae and her Papa Jack.

First fic in series

Second fic in series

Masterlist

Things at the ranch had settled nicely. Jack had his job, he had his horses, and he had the little garden of flowers he had started growing with you. Twins. You had twins, and girls at that. Violet Anne and Lavender Jane. Two more beautiful flowers to add to his bouquet along with his Daisy Mae, and you, his Honeybee making it all happen. He didn’t know how you did it, you made his life better just by being around, and every day he endeavors to do the same.

“Jack?” He heard your huff of bemused frustration and he smiles to himself. He was in his office, attempting to work on Statesman things, but had found himself listening to you humming in the kitchen and puttering around the house instead. He loved the sound of you in his space, the echo of your footsteps in the hall, your quiet voice filling his rooms and his days with peace he had thought he’d never have.

“Yes Honey? How can I help.” He huffs, standing and wandering into the hall where he sees you with two baby’s strapped to you, attempting to slip into your shoes by the door. He grins at the sight, you are radiant. The purple sling holding two dark haired babies who snoozed sweetly against your chest, and it almost melted his insides completely. He walks up to you and gently pulls the sling back from the two identical heads of dark curls.

They’re so small, barely home a month. They were born prematurely, almost three months ahead of schedule, but apparently that was common amongst twins. Their birth took one measly hour once your water broke, placenta and all. Then as soon as they were in this world, they were whisked away from you. He remembers how much his soul ached seeing the two tiny babies hooked up to tubes in those little incubators, how little and frail they looked surrounded by all those machines. He remembers how hard it was for you to show up early every morning, and leave as late as they would let you, to be with their babies. He remembers switching off days with you at the hospital, spending the day with a grumpy Daisy who was mad her sisters couldn’t come home, or staring at those two precious little girls in boxes. He remembers scrambling to buy premie clothing with you, you worrying your head off about money, and how much you needed, and whether or not any store would have clothing for them. Then he would gently remind you that he was technically rich, and he could get you anything you needed quickly. Remembers how you would smack him and say ‘Jack Daniels, it don’t matter if we sit high on the hog, if we use it all on bacon we’re gonna be flat on our asses .’ He remembers how you would cry at night, beating yourself up over nothing at all, berating yourself for not keeping them in longer. He thinks about all those sleepless nights when you would have to wake up and pump because your breasts ached and there were no babies to feed, how you panicked over having enough milk to send to the hospital. He remembers feeling useless, feeling angry at how little he could do to help you or his babies. Then, finally, after a month long stay, here they were, finally at home and content with their momma and daddy as they were meant to be.

Jack snuggles up to you, gently placing kisses on the soft tufts of hair, breathing in that new baby smell. They were his perfect carbon copy, dark hair, dark eyes, and personality for days, even when all they really did was eat and sleep. They were barely bigger that his forearm, he could hold them steady with their heads in the palms of his hand, and the tips of their toes would barely reach his elbows. They were so, so delicate, but they had an iron clad grip on everyone they came into contact with. Champ, Tequila, and Ginger, all doted on them already, spoiling them like they spoiled little Daisy Mae. Jack’s girls had made quite the impression on Statesman, and there was no Statesman agent (and on the occasion, Kingsmen agent,) around that was ashamed to say that anything his girls asked for they would give.

He remembers letting Tequila babysitting one night last week, prying you out of the house to get some fresh air. He took you to stroll around target for a few hours, and let you buy tons of premie clothes and fancy Easter dresses for you and the girls that all matched. He also took you to grab dinner, and got your nails painted. Never let it be said that Jack Daniels doesn’t spoil his girls. He remembers proposing to you in the Target parking lot that night, your hair a mess, clutching bags of premie clothes you sorely needed with two small babies in the house. It wasn’t how he pictured your engagement going, but laughing with you in that parking lot like you were kids, racing you to put the shopping carts away, he couldn’t imagine a better life than the one he was living right now. So the ring burned right through his pocket and onto your left hand in the neon glow of the red Target sign. He took you to Texas Roadhouse afterwords, and he will never forget eating rolls and giggling like little kids while you talked about the excitement of having all your children at home, and how much better your nerf battles would be in a few years. You are his best friend, you made him feel young again, and he wouldn’t have you any other way.

When you got back, giggling giddily through the door of your home, Tequila, Ginger, Galahad, and his wife Tilde were all snuggling the girls in the living room passed out cold to Frozen. Eggsy was on the floor, head resting between his wife’s legs, his arms loosely wrapped around a sleeping Daisy. Tilde snoozed in the armchair, a hand buried in Eggsy’s hair. Daisy was in Eggsy’s lap, legs wrapped around him like a Koala, her little face smooshed into his chest, arms hanging limply at her sides. Tequila was sprawled out on the couch, little Violet sleeping on his chest, his whole hand covering her back and dwarfing her. His Stetson was pulled over his eyes to block out the light. Ginger had Lavender in her crossed legs, creating a little basket for the baby to sleep in as she dosed against the couch, using Tequila as a pillow.

“Now when we left there was only one Agent here, and now I got three?” You laughed, whispering so as not to wake the babies, but softly enough to alert the adults to your arrival, before waking them, you had taken a billion pictures, and a copy of one rested proudly on Tequila’s desk. A picture of everyone freaking out a few seconds later when you showed them your engagement ring was on Whiskey’s.

He carefully stroked a hand down Violet’s little back, and gets lost for a moment in loving on his little flowers. You can’t help but watch fondly, letting him forget about what you called him in here for for a moment, just enjoying how much he loved his little family. Jack was already a good father, the way he treated Daisy like his own proved that, but seeing him with all three of your babies and handling it like a champ was such a blessing. You fell more and more in love with him every day.

“Sorry sweat pea, had to get my kisses in, but I seem to be missing one.” He grins wolfishly and you laugh.

“Oh? And who might THAT be?” You grin and lean in to kiss him softly.

“Got it!” He cackled evilly and kisses all over your face. He gets down on one knee and helps you slip your shoes on.

“This feels like I’ve been here before.” You laugh, gently placing a hand on Jacks cheek, staring at him with nothing but adoration in your eyes.

“Is that so? Well, while you got me here, I just figured I’d let you know I’d ask you a million times to marry me, but I’m glad it only took you once to say yes.” He winked and you chuckled as he kissed your knuckles and pulled himself up with a groan.

“Jack Daniels? If you had asked me the day we met to marry you, I would have said yes.” You laughed and he grins again, pulling in his own boots and Grabbing the diaper bag.

“Now, are we meeting your mother in law at the creek?” Jack arched a brow and you nodded with a hum of affirmation.

“Yes, she’s got Daisy Mae down there, and apparently she’s already jumped right in, dress and all.” You rolled your eyes and Jack laughed. “I put a towel and a change of clothes in there for her AND for you when you inevitably climb in after her. Jack grinned sheepishly, knowing you were right.

Today was a big day, today was the day he met your mother in law. Daisy’s only living grandparent, and the mother of your first love. Jack was nervous, you would never have to meet his deceased wife’s parents, because they couldn’t stand Jack, they had no contact after the funeral, and that suited him fine. Your mother in law was different. When you started dating her son, and she realized you didn’t have a mother, she took you in and mothered you like the daughter she never had. You spoke so highly of the woman, and still talked to her once a week even though her son had passed on. It was important to you that this woman blessed your new marriage, and he was a bit nervous. She hadn’t gotten to come down when Violet and Lavender were born, and when they got home, she very considerately waited to come down until they had settled in. She did however make a point of sending crocheted blankets and hats for the babies just like she had for Daisy. No difference would be made in these babies and Daisy on her watch, and Jack truly appreciated it. The closest the girls got to a grandparent on his side was Champ, so having a grandmother who loved them was something he truly appreciated.

He had talked to her once over the phone, expressly calling and asking her permission to marry you and adopt Daisy. The last thing he wanted was to be seen as stepping on her Son’s memory, and you loved her like a mother, so he wanted to do right by her. She was flabbergasted that he would go out of his way to do such a thing, and he will always remember what she said to him.

‘Darlin? That girl deserves the world. If my son were in her shoes, she would want nothing but the best for him, and I want nothing but the best for her because it’s what he would have wanted. That girl is my family, because I hate to say it, but I don’t have much left to spare, so as long as you’re okay with me treating you like a son, and you do right by my babies, all I can say is welcome to the family.’ She had been so kind, and he attempted to keep her as up to date as possible on the girls and your health while they were in the hospital. Today though, he would meet her in person, and he hoped that he would be all that she wanted him to be.

When you arrived at the creek, Daisy was holding court in the water with the frogs and the guppies as her subjects. She had a daisy chain on her head and a stick in her hands that she used like a wand. She was sat down and soaked up to her chest in her little pink play dress. Her hair was in a messy little bun on her head and she would reach up every once in a while to push her baby hairs out of her face with wet fingers. Jack grinned at the little wild child that had all but wrapped him around her little finger. She was his introduction to fatherhood, and she owned a special piece of his heart. He took a picture of her with his phone while you chatted with her grandmother Helen.

“He sure loves our Daisy don’t he?” Your mother in law sighed, grinning and taking one of the twins into her arms as you breastfed the other, planning to switch off momentarily, content to sit and watch your baby bewitch forest critters and swim about fully clothed in the shallow creek.

“Oh yeah, loves her with his whole heart. It’s enchanting.” You grinned.

“Oh my,” Helen chuckled, brushing a loose hair from your face while your hands were full. “You love him don’t you baby?” You nodded shyly and she hugged you to her side, pressing a hand to the side of your head while you leaned on her shoulder.

“Yeah momma, I do, but I loved James too.” You sounded a little guilty and she shushed you, instantly assuaging your fears with a motherly scold.

“I know you did honey, nobody could ever say you didn’t. I’m just happy you got a good one, it’s what my boy would have wanted. I want nothing but the best for you, and meeting him now? I know you’ll have it.” She cradled the baby close and grinned. “He makes beautiful babies, that’s for sure.” You laughed and it drew Jack’s attention, finally causing him to turn and come meet your mother in law. He removed his hat and slicked his hair back, reaching out his hand respectfully to Shake.

“Ma’am? It’s wonderful to meet you-“ he started nervously, only for Helen to smack his hand away and pull him into a bone crushing hug.

“I’m a hugger son, get used to it.” She laughed and Jack beamed at you as she welcomed him with open arms, it had been a long time since he had felt such motherly affection Ms he was taken aback by how easily she welcomed him into her arms. “I can’t believe I’m getting another son, I had one that was rowdy enough already, but I miss it.” She winked at him and they spent a good twenty minutes in quiet conversation while you all just mooned over the twins and little Daisy who was still prancing about in the water.

Eventually Daisy got tired, and Jack bundled her up in a towel to carry her home. The whole time you walked, he was in quite conversation with the little girl, placing kisses to her cheeks and forehead lovingly and Helen beamed at the sight, once again telling you how much she loved your new beaux. Eventually you reached the house, and you all stood around talking at Helen’s car.

“Will you be joining us for dinner tonight Helen?” Jack politely offered, taking Daisy back off her hands after she properly hugged and kissed her goodnight.

“Nah, I got myself a date!” You gasped and laughed and Helen winked at Jack who just looked stunned.

“Momma! You didn’t!” You laughed.

“Sure did sweet pea! Handsome fella too, met him when I took Daisy for ice cream this afternoon.” She laughed and you grinned. “Text me the code for the door though sugar, I’ll break in and make us all Breakfast in the morning and we can take the kids to the zoo.” She winked and Daisy, though exhausted, still found the energy to beg you to go.

“Oh alright,” you laughed. Hugging Helen one more time. “But you send me a picture when you get back so I know you got home safe, you hear?”

“Hey now! I’m the mom here not you!” She laughed, “go put my grand babies to bed and I will see you in the morning.”

Eventually your little house settled, the babies were in their cradles and Daisy was all washed up and tucked in. You were laying with Jack, and he was stroking your back while you talked about your days. He was glad to report that Helen officially loved him, and you were ecstatic, you knew she would, but it was nice to add another family member to your lives who loved him. One of the babies started crying about an hour or two after you fell asleep, and Jack got up to handle it, pressing a kiss to your forehead and muttering for you to ‘stay put.’

You could hear him in the other room, pacing and singing a little song about cowboys to the girls, so you snuck in to see both girls tucked into his arms while he rocked back and forth.

“Blue shadows on the trail

Little cowgirl close your eyes and dream

All of the doggies are in the corral

All of your work is done

Just close your eyes and dream little gal

Dream of someone.”

You broke out in a grin and you couldn’t help but feel like the luckiest woman alive. You had a second chance at love, and with someone who made you feel like you were a love struck teenager. Though it hadn’t been long, you and Jack had experienced a lot together, and through it all he proved time and time again there is nobody you would rather do life with. He settled the babies back in the crib and let the still blearily blinking Violet hold his finger while he finished the lullaby. You came up and wrapped your arms around his back, pressing a kiss between his shoulder blades, before resting your ear against his back, listening to him rumble out the rest of the lullaby.

“Blue shadows on the trail

Soft wind blowing through the trees above

All the other little cowgirls are in the bunkhouse now

So close your eyes and dream.”

When violets eyes finally drooped close, he took one of your hands and pressed a kiss to your knuckles. “I love you Honeybee, thank you for all my pretty flowers.” He mumbled, spinning to face you, palming your hair from your forehead and stroking your cheeks.

“No problem Cowboy, I do it ‘cause I love you.” You pucker your lips, and Jack leans in to easily oblige your kiss. You make your way back to bed, and your about to fall asleep when your phone buzzes, and you go to check, only to see a picture of Helen with her date and a little message to let you know she got home safe. When you saw who her date was you gasped.

“Oh my god Jack!” You laughed and he raised an eyebrow, rolling over to look at your phone.

When you turned it to face him, his eyes nearly bugged out of his head. “Is that Champ!?”

You cackled and Jack joined you, suddenly delighted by what a small world this turned out to be. Yep, your little family was coming along nicely, and there was nobody you’d rather share it with than your perfect cowboy, and your pretty babies.

#agent jack whiskey daniels #jack daniels #jack daniels x reader #jack daniels x you #jack daniels x female reader #jack whiskey daniels #kingsmen and the golden circle #kingsmen golden circle #kingsmen secret service #pedro pascal #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fandom #pedrohub #Spotify

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epic-arc · 1 year

Text

Spider Knight 8: Mad doctor.

Dr Otto Octavius was working in his laboratory and supervising the rookie scientists who were taking care of the construction of new Atlesian Knight-200 until a familiar figure entered the laboratory and Otto went to the figure that would be General Ironwood.

Otto octavius: Good morning general ironwood what is the reason for your visit so suddenly here in the laboratory?

Ironwood: Otto do you have a minute? I have to talk to you, it's something very serious.

Otto octavius: Of course sir if something this serious I have enough free time. Folks I'm going to have to go out and talk to general ironwood but keep up the good work you all are doing!

Otto left the laboratory with ironwood and they would be in the corridor ironwood sighed and looked at otto's face who had an anxious expression but would be slightly serious.

Ironwood: Look, Otto, I apologize but for the news that happened in Vale, what Jacques told me that the machines you created were stolen and used by criminals made the council worried. So they are sending you to connors lab to avoid any suspicious use. I'm sorry old friend I hope you understand.

Otto heard that and he would have a slight expression of anger but he would take a deep breath and then he would look at the face of ironwood with a smile on his face.

Otto octavius: No problem general and I am happy to know that I will be working where my dear co-worker and friend Dr Connors worked. And also if the schnee company continues to help me in my projects with their materials I will be able to work on my biggest project!

Ironwood: What project are you talking about?

Otto octavius: I'm creating a machine that can create a controlled nuclear fusion something that can be an infinite source of energy that we can use to unify all kingdoms and avoid any war!

Ironwood: I hope your project works otto you have my support.

Ironwood would pat Otto on the back and walk out of the inn. Otto would enter the laboratory and tell the news to his co-workers and go to his room arranging the equipment that he would take to Vale until a figure stood at the door of Otto's office.

Arthur watts: I see you're going on a long trip to work my old friend.

Otto octavius: It's not a big deal, I'm just traveling to continue my work and avoid having our work stolen.

Arthur watts: It's going to be boring without you here haha.

Arthur would enter the room and extend his hand to Otto who would shake it soon after Otto would leave the room with some boxes and while he didn't realize Arthur would put a small drone in the mechanical arms that would install a virus in the arms.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jaune and his team were training for the vytal festival until jaune's scroll vibrated causing him to be distracted and being hit by a kick from ren.

Ren: Sorry jaune I didn't mean to hit you so hard.

Jaune : It's not your fault ren, it's okay, I just lost focus

Ren approaches jaune extending his hand to help him up. Nora and pyrrha who were training next to them approach the rest of their team.

Pyrrha: Jaune, we already talked about no scroll on while we train, you could have been seriously hurt if it weren't for ren

Jaune: Sorry guys, I'm very excited, a scientist I like is going to present his work here at Dr Connors' laboratory!

Nora: Wow jauney didn't know you liked this science stuff.

Jaune: A-ah i just think it's a cool hobby hehe.

Pyrrha: Well if you want we can take a break there when you get back from the presentation we can go back to training what do you think guys?

They agree and jane would give each one a hug and run to the presentation in connors lab. Jaune was looking around and saw Otto stopping looking at the machine that was in its final touches and he approached the doctor.

Otto octavius: It's almost complete but I feel something is missing…

Jaune: Maybe you can use some material that you can mold and count the energy that the machine can release to avoid any risk.

Otto listened to jaune's idea and would look to the side seeing the boy analyzed by the machine, which would make the doctor have a smile on his face.

Otto octavius: Looks like someone's been doing homework.

Jaune heard what Otto had heard and turned to him and held out his hand with a big smile on his face and Otto would shake it right away.

Jaune: My name is jaune arc and I'm a big fan of your work sir Otto Octavius!

Otto octavius: It's good to see young people like you taking an interest in science.

Jaune would smile at the comment and would look around and see Atlesian Knight-200 loading boxes and building the machine which would make him look slightly worried looking back at Otto.

Jaune: Mister otto why are you using robots instead of your private team?

Otto octavius: Well boy sometimes you have to replace people who don't believe or have no hope in what you're doing.

Jaune: But Mr. Otto, sometimes it's always good to have someone on your side to always review your mistakes and help you correct them.

Otto octavius: Hm thanks for the advice kid but let me know when it actually works.

Otto would do that with a light tone of anger, Jaune noticing this would leave the area and go to where the visitors were and ends up accidentally bumping into Weiss who was surprised to see Jaune in that place.

Weiss: Jaune?! What did you come here to do in the laboratory?

Jaune: I just came to see the presentation...?

Weiss: Hmph I hope this is the reason and not one of your attempts to ask me out on a date.

Jaune: I'm not going to bother you like I used to, I just want to enjoy this presentation, sorry hehe.

Jaune sits on the bleachers and looks to the side and notices Weiss sitting on his side and the two look to the center of the room where Otto was putting his robotic arms and turning on the machine.

Otto octavius: I want to thank the schnee company for providing materials for me to present to everyone a new source of energy. it's like having the power of the sun in the palm of my hands.

People clapped for otto seeing that the machine worked seeing the golden sphere in the center of the machine producing energy. Arthur, who was hidden in the middle of the audience; Would turn on his scroll and activate two viruses, one that would make the machine lose control, releasing energy and destroying a little of the laboratory. The second virus was ''O-1963'', which would make Otto more aggressive.

Otto octavius: Don't be afraid and just a slight energy leak will still be enough to contain.

The sphere was losing control and beams of energy coming out breaking the laboratory but Weiss would use her weapon and make ice constructs to protect the people who were fleeing.

Jaune: Weiss I'm going to try to call the others and meanwhile try to turn off the machine and save Mr Otto!

Weiss: Alright, just be careful ok?

Jaune would nod and run out of the room and go into the bathroom and pull scroll and see that it was off noticing this he would look around and see the security cameras burned out because of the release of energy from the machine. Jaune, Seeing the opportunity, would put on his suit and enter the room, sticking to the ceiling and Otto would look at him.

Otto octavius: Spider Knight?! What are you doing here?

Spider Knight: Otto you have to turn off this machine if it keeps releasing energy it could end up destroying the whole city!

Otto octavius: I will not listen to orders from an amateur hero!

Otto would send one of his mechanical arms hitting spider knight but the arm was hit by an ice shot making him get stuck against the wall and both otto and spider knight look at weiss.

Weiss: Spider knight that's right otto turn off the machine you're not thinking straight!

Otto octavius: Shut up you spoiled brat!

Otto would launch another mechanical arm in the direction of weiss but at the last minute spider knight would catch it making the attack miss and spider knight would look at weiss who was being held like a bride by him.

Spider Knight: Hey are you okay?

Weiss: Y-yes it's ok t-thanks for saving me b-but can you let me go?

Spider Knight: Of course I'm sorry!

Spider knight let go of Weiss with delicacy and the two look at Otto who was trying to keep that sphere of energy stable but failed each attempt, releasing more energy and destroying the laboratory more. Spider knight would look and see an area where the machine was connected and receiving its energy and then he would look at weiss.

Spider Knight: I have an idea but I'm going to need your help. That machine is running on those generators if I can distract him enough you can go over there and turn them off, Do you think you can do this?

Weiss: A schnee always manages to do!

Weiss would change his ammo and put gravity dust and use his glyphs to move faster. Spider knight would start to throw webs on his arms that were getting stuck but he would let go and when he let go they would go up to spider knight trying to hit him.

Spider Knight: Well now that you've turned into a villain what should I call you? Octopus head? Oh I know Doctor Octopus Suits you.

Otto octavius: Why don't you shut up you isolete arachnid!

Spider Knight: Awww did I hurt someone's feelings?

Spider knight was caught by the neck by one of the arms and placed against the wall and while the other one started to spin very fast resembling a drill was approaching the face of spider knight.

Otto octavius: Last words spider knight?

Spider Knight: Never let your guard down…

Otto heard that getting confused and looked back and saw Weiss cutting the cables causing the sphere of energies to disappear, he would scream in rage and launch the four mechanical arms in the direction of Weiss. Spider knight would break free and launch webs on the ceiling and pull a large concrete block that would fall on her head and otto causing him to pass out.

Weiss: Spider Knight are you okay?

Spider Knight: I'm fine with just a slight shortness of breath but I just need to rest. Let's get out of here, the police will probably come in and arrest him.

Weiss went to Spider knight helping him out of the laboratory. Time would pass and the jnpr team were in their dorm resting after a long day of training, Jaune would pull up his scroll and watch the news.

Jaune: Look, people apparently managed to find a cure for Dr Connors and that after some therapy he can be the head of the laboratory again.

Pyrrha: This is great jaune! I hope that when we fight at the vytal festival nothing strange happens.

Nora: Seriously, I don't want a giant nevermore or something like that to appear in the middle of the arena when we go to fight.

The four would let out light laughter at Nora's comment.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Pos-credit 1)

Otto was in his jail cell until a guard would arrive and say he had a call and take him to a private room and Otto would answer the scroll that was on the table.

Jacques: Look who's my good old friend otto answering my calls!

Otto octavius: What do you want gele?

Jacques: Nothing much, just wanted to thank you for your technology.

Otto octavius: What are you doing…

Jacques: No big deal, I'm just taking it for myself and my company, since you're a prisoner, so you don't have any rights over them hahah!

Otto octavius: You isolate! When I get out of prison you will pay no one steal technology from Otto Octavius!

Jacques: So see you there and thanks for the wendigo project haha.

Jacques hung up the call and Otto would grab the scroll from the table and breaking with rage and would let out a scream screaming jacques' name.

(Pos-credit 2)

Weiss was lying in her dorm fiddling with her scroll and saw an image of spider knight which made her blush slightly. Yang who was in the dorm playing video game saw weiss blushing and the image of spider knight and would start laughing which would make weiss slightly irritated.

Yang: Hehe looks like the snow princess has found her spider knight.

Weiss: Shut up yang!

Yang was just laughing at Weiss' reaction. Weiss tried to ignore it but remembered the moment she was being held by spider knight which would make her blush a lot.

(Pos-credit 3)

Connors laboratory was being built a scientist finds a glass capsule that inside had a black goo and had writing on its side ''V-635'' and the scientist would take it inside the laboratory.

(I thank @juanarc-thethird for helping me)

#rwby #rwby au #rwby crossover #marvel au #spider man au #spider knight #doctor octopus #jaune arc #weiss schnee #arthur watts #jnpr #general ironwood #james ironwood #lie ren #nora valkyrie #pyrrha nikos #yang xiao long #white knight crumbs

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nuoyipeach · 2 years

Text

Brutal

Nakamoto Yuta X Park Sooyoung

warnings: violence, blood

tags: @yutahoes

"Dare to walk through our lands again?" his soft yet cold voice ran shivers down the man's spine, even as he was held in up in a chokehold, his feet dangling in the air. "Being nice doesn't cut it for you people, does it? You gotta see me mad?" Yuta stared at him, eyes dazed yet his powerful gaze remained, like some kind of psycho. He throws the man back onto the ground, and watches as he tried to scurry away.

"Osaki." the younger member stepped forward at Yuta's demanding voice. "Send this one back to his place, maybe they'll remember who they're messing with."

"Yes sir." Shotaro answered, saluting for fun before calling over the other to help pick up the tortured man's body and carried him away.

"Damn man." Jeno remarked as he picked up the man by his feet. "You should be embarrassed, you look like you got beat up by 5 men." the two young ones laughed.

"Should we leave a note?" Shotaro suggested, which they both decided on doing. As they put the man in an open box, Jeno wrote and left a nicely folded note in the man's grasp.

With much love, Nakamoto himself sends you an amazing art piece made by him and only him

They laughed at the mocking letter, before signalling for the driver to start their journey.

This was the kind of person he was. Nakamoto Yuta wasn't just feared for having the biggest yakuza team, or having members and alliances from overseas, or having had control over the most amount of land in his prefecture.

He was feared solely for his brutal strength, especially in his hands. Hands which on their own were responsible for the hospital fees of thousands of people. He never fought for joy, he only fought threats. And he wouldn't kill anyone, he'd harm them enough to be hospitalised for days, as he figured the pain was a good enough punishment and reminder never to mess with him or his people.

Such example was today's, when some members had walked by a local bakery in his lands, and noticed a ruckus inside. They immediately went in, and the owner ran to them on his knees, begging for their help against a man trying to harm his son working at the register. Jeno and Shotaro knew exactly how to deal with this, and ordered everyone to leave the shop, and in no longer than two minutes tied up the man and took him to Yuta.

While they now drove the man back to his own yakuza, Yuta sat in his office and called in another member. "Little Huang." a young man entered, and Yuta could hear the teasing laughs behind him from outside as he trudged inside. "Take this money and give it to the bakery." he placed a wad of cash, then another one. "And bring a cake, make sure he doesn't reject payment for it. I'll send him instructions."

"The cake is for?" Renjun asked grabbing the money.

"Bring it back to me."

>>>

Renjun did as told, and Yuta soon drove home with the small cake box in the passenger seat. He reached the yakuza neighbourhood, and then his house. It definitely stood out within the neighbourhood, somewhat of a small mansion, especially with how much extra security surrounded the house itself despite the ones around the neighbourhood already.

This was where all the members and their families lived, a little hidden away from the general public for maximum privacy, and high on safety as well. They didn't have hired guards, rather took shifts by themselves while having cameras watching every part in and outside the gated neighbourhood, also watched by the members.

He parked the car in his front yard, and could see the front door open as he prepared himself to get out. Suddenly, the cold face switched into the warmest smile ever as he caught sight of a woman stepping out of the house. He grabbed the cake box and headed out towards her, opening his free arm wide.

"I'm home baby." he cooed and pulled her in for a hug, nuzzling her neck in the process. "I missed you so much."

Sooyoung pushed him out, hands on his chest, and looked him up and down. "I don't see anything, but something tells me you bloodied up someone." she asked cocking an eyebrow. He smiled nervously, pouting his lips asking for a kiss. She sighed and gave in, giving him a quick kiss before letting him inside.

She noticed the box in his hands as he put it down on the table, her eyes lighting up instantly. Yuta noticed it and smirked, motioning her over as he opened the box and took out the small cake inside, the writing on it making her heart flutter, her husband's arms snaking around her waist from behind and swaying their bodies with their bodied attached.

"Happy birthday my love." he said softly, kissing her neck. "Thank you for spending another one with me, as my wife."

Sooyoung turned around to him, hands around his neck, smiling at her husband. "I plan on spending every birthday with you." she pecks his lips. "Who else is going to buy me cakes every time?"

Yuta laughed at her, closing in to her ear. "I'd buy you cakes everyday." he kisses under her ear. "I'll spoil you with all the money I have." his kisses moved down her neck. "I say it all the time don't I?" she whimpers feeling his teeth on her skin. "I own these lands, the people listen to me." his hands slowly snaked under her shirt, grabbing her hips. "But I only listen to you, you own me, my love."

Sooyoung grabbed his hair and pulled him away from her neck, smiling at each other as if they're both intoxicated. "Let's cut the cake first and eat it." she said, chuckling when Yuta pouts and let's her go.

>>>

Yuta sits in his chair and watches as his members come in and drop the few men they caught. Another thing about his yakuza, they had eyes everywhere. Even someone as common as a preschool teacher would report anything and everything suspicious to his team. Today was another afternoon when they received a tip from a public cleaner at the park about some mysterious men walking around, as if scanning the area.

By the time Yuta had arrived with some allied faction leaders (who by chance were visiting this day), they noticed many people leaving the park in fear of these strange men already causing a ruckus. A young college boy saw Yuta, and came up telling him he saw their tattoos, confirming they're from a rival yakuza. Yuta thanked the boy and sent him to leave along with the other people, not wanting anyone present for what might just happen.

Now he sat in his chair, one hand up as Renjun cleaned up his slight knuckle wounds, the only injury he had. He watched with eagle eyes as they were pushed to sit on their knees, their hands tied up behind them. Once his knuckles were cleaned, he waved Renjun off to leave, leaning forward with his arms resting on his knees as his eyes practically bore holes into their souls.

"Should I even bother asking why you were sent here?" he asked coldly, his voice holding almost no emotion other than authoritative. Suddenly he stood up, grabbing a long piece of cloth from his pocket and wrapping it around his fingers. "I hope you don't mind, I just don't want my wife to figure out I've bloodied up some people today." he grabs the man sitting closest to him by the collar, staring into his eyes with a psychotic smile, and with no warning punches him in the face.

The rest of the members quickly stand aside, making way for Yuta to walk up to a second man, this time standing him up and punching him in the gut. By the time he had finished with all five of them, he takes off the cloth from his hand, and throws it into the bin before sitting back in his chair, as if in thought.

"Sending you back is too easy, and useless as I noticed with your people." he sighed, craning his neck back before looking in front again. "Maybe I'll-"

"Yuta!" all heads turned to the door where they heard his name, from a woman's voice. And just as some of the members expected, Sooyoung had stepped into the room, except whatever she had planned to say was thrown out the moment she saw the situation. "What's going on? Who are these men?" she asks her husband walking closer to him.

Yuta immediately stands up and turns to her, face slightly less scary. "They're from the yakuza up northwest, I was about to find out why they came." he explained. Sooyoung turned to the men and noticed they had been bruised up, before turning back to her husband and cocking an eyebrow. "OK I may have had to fight them a little, but they were scaring off the people."

This tone of voice, plus his sudden defensive behaviour, caught the ears of the rival members. They looked up and saw how soft this leaders demeanor had become, in the simple presence of who they assumed was his wife. They watched as she rolled her eyes and turned around to leave, when he suddenly grabbed her hand and pulled her closer, whispering something into her ear.

"Wait outside, we'll go home together." it was simple things like that which made her happy. Sooyoung didn't care how much money he could (and would) spend on her, she was more than happy whenever she could just spend some time alone with her husband.

She turned back to him and smiled, giving a quick kiss to the cheek before finally leaving the room. And the moment she was out, Yuta turned back to the crowd with those same cold eyes.

Except, he had something else in mind.

"Matsushima, get them taken away. I'll send someone for interrogations later." he goes back up to the front rival member, crouching down to his eye level. "Not one is freed until I figure out what the f*ck they're planning."

Shohei nodded, motioning the others to follow along, and dragged the men out of the room to a different level of the building. Yuta sat back in his chair, turning on his intercom to Renjun.

"Send her in Huang." he was answered and then leaned back against his chair, when the door opened again showing his wife. He smiled at her, motioning her to come to him, and to no surprise she went ahead and sat on his lap sideways.

"Poor my husband, you must be exhausted." she coos at him, her fingers playing with his hand while her other hand cupped his face. Yuta smiled at her, knowing that's her tone of ridicule, but he didn't mind it. He was just happy to have her in his arms, which now wrapped around her hips tight.

And Sooyoung knew how exhausted he really was, and was quick to move on from the teasing and hold him close to herself as well. She pulled his head to lean against her chest, resting her own on top of his, and massaged his scalp with her fingers. He smiled feeling the soft kisses she'd leave on his head, as if they got rid off all his stress.

"I want to stay like this forever." he whispered to her, making her chuckle.

>>>

"Where is she!?!" Yuta's voice echoed loud throughout the building. "WHERE IS MY WIFE!?! I will kill whoever fails to find her!"

They knew he wouldn't actually kill them, but the entire faction were on their toes as they did whatever they could to show him they were all at work at finding Sooyoung. He should have known why the rivals kept sending people, only to easily get caught before being sent back to their place. They weren't here for nothing.

They were spying to find Sooyoung.

And now Yuta is at gunpoint by himself. If anything happens to his wife, he would never forgive himself. If she doesn't come home, God forbid, he already planned out his death letter.

All this power meant nothing without the love of his life next to him.

"KIM JUNGWOO!" he yells entering the IT department's main office, turning around the chair of their main hacker, his close to the scared man's. "Did you find anything?" he gritted through his teeth.

Jungwoo was too scared to answer at this point, even though he had one. Noticing this, Jeno and Shohei gently pulled them away, calming down either men, until Jungwoo was good to answer.

"Yes sir." he turned around and typed away, until a map with a red dot showed. "That necklace you gave her had a GPS tracker right. I know you didn't open up it's tracking to us, but I hacked into it because it seemed the only way now. Her phone's been found at the edge of our borders towards the west, so we could only tell so much as to which direction they went."

Yuta's eyes remained on the screen, his heart full of panic and fear seeing the dot blink. The map showed unknown territory, far from their lands, and it scared him even more.

"Where is she?" he asked, his voice so broken it left an impact in the others. They have never in their lives seen him this close to a breakdown, and it only made them more motivated than ever to find Sooyoung.

"She's up north, Toyama territory." he zoomed in on the dot, and after a few more clicks, suddenly all the screens showed footage of CCTV cameras from the building Sooyoung was supposedly in.

Only now Jungwoo regretted it, as the other also mentally face palmed themselves at his bad idea. Knowing and seeing how Yuta was right now, the live footage of his wife tied up on thr floor and her mouth gagged with a napkin would have definitely sparked a rage within him.

And it did.

"I don't care who dies." he spoke through gritted teeth again, his nails digging into the headrest of Jungwoo's seat. "I don't care who you kill, what you destroy, what is lost." he turns around to the rest of the team. "If I don't get her back by tomorrow, consider this the end of the Osaka faction."

That send shivers down all their spines, even Taeyong who was visiting from Seoul. He had a wife himself, and yet he couldn't fathom how he would react if this ever happened to her. All he knew was Yuta was the perfect example of his inner rage.

Yuta walked out in long strides, his attackers following him throughout the building down to the cars, all their GPSs set towards the same location. His phone continued to show the live feed of his wife, every second of it only enraging him more and more.

There was a call in his spare phone, which he connected to the car and answered, his anger through the roof as if it wasn't already, when hearing the voice. "You know what we want, and we won't hold back on her until we get it."

"F*CK YOU!" he screamed, almost crashing the car as he swerved it, Shotaro praying he doesn't die before they at least reach the prefecture border. "YAKUZA MORALS STATE NO HARM TO WOMEN AND CHILDREN!"

He could only hear sinister laughs on the other side, his keen hearing not missing the faint sounds of his wife's whimpers. He cut the call abruptly and speeded even more, the other cars following in suite. It didn't take as long as usual for them to, and the moment the car stopped, Yuta ran out.

He headed inside the building with just a small pistol, not even using it to its full purpose as he simply hit away whoever blocked him, and ran on leaving the members to deal with it. He watched his phone as he neared the red dot, and finally reached the door which behind he'd probably find his wife.

Just as he was about to kick it down, a hand held his shoulder to stop him. He turned and saw Jeno, finger to his lips, indicating the leader to be quiet as he pulled out his phone and showed the livestream footage.

There was only one man in the room, the man they could tell was the boss behind everything, and Jeno gripped onto Yuta to stop him storming in knowing it could lead to something worse.

The man had a knife, and toyed with it against Sooyoung's skin.

"I wonder how long it takes for such a powerful man to come save his wife?" Sooyoung stared at the man in disgust hearing his words, feeling the knife tip against her thigh. "Maybe he won't give me what I want, wouldn't that make you so useless. Don't worry, I have a much better position for you, darling."

Sooyoung felt him suddenly untie her feet, and then her hands, grabbing her by the hair and raising her up to stand, knife now pointed at her neck. "Don't try anything smart." he kept the knife at her neck while his hand moved down to the hem of her shirt.

Only, there was one thing the man had yet to realise.

Yuta was feared for his brutal fights and strength. Yet, Yuta feared Sooyoung more than himself. There was a reason he fell in love with her, other than the many other attributes he loved about her, there was one that he very much decided to marry her for.

Yuta was a brutal fighter, but Sooyoung could easily pass him as a brutal killer.

Just as Yuta's famous sinister smile, Sooyoung produced one just as shivering, and the man stood confused as to why the damsel in distress was suddenly looking at him as such.

And Yuta watched as his wife swiftly twisted the man's arm, snatching the knife from his hand, then kicking him down to the floor. Now Jeno let's him go, knowing he had to intervene or his wife would have gone too far.

Sooyoung stared down at the man who held his private parts in pain. She kicked him once more in the stomach, making sure he's weak enough to not grab back at her, then holds the knife by the blade, blood clearly dripping from her hand, and uses the grip part to smack his head. Once she knew he wouldn't be getting up any time soon, she holds the knife the right way, kneels om the floor, and raises it up, aiming to his chest.

"BABY NO!" Yuta grabs his wife from behind, one hand holding her wrist, hand holding the knife, while his other wrapped around her from behind holding her close to him. He pulled her away sitting on the floor, while Jeno and some others came in to take the man away.

But Sooyoung was already in her fight mode, and he knew it with the way she screamed and struggled to get out of his hold. Yuta didn't let go no matter how hard she tried, hugging her tighter with his arm and both his legs. "Sooyoung please." he spoke into her ear. "Baby it's alright now. I'm here." she stopped struggling, and he held the knife by the blade. "Let go love, it's OK now."

Sooyoung softened up hearing his voice, her hand letting go of the knife that was by now covered in both their blood from holding the blade. But they didn't feel it. A knife cut was nothing compared to the pain they felt of the constant worry of losing each other like they did now. She heard the knife being thrown aside, and Yuta's legs unwrap around her as he used both arms to turn her around in his hold , then hugging her tight.

And for what seems like the first time in their lives, his yakuza saw tears in his eyes as he nuzzled into her shoulder. "I'm so sorry... so sorry Sooyoung..." he mumbled, his hands gripping her shirt tight, blood stains from one obviously left on her back. "I won't let this happen again. Never."

Her mind was calmed now, and she hugged him back immediately, her eyes teary as well. She didn't say a word, feeling as if her voice was gone from all the hours she wasn't able to speak. All she wanted was to be in her husband's arms, her comfort zone. Those few hours of being tied up took a toll on her mind, having had several dark thoughts cross it as she wondered how everything would end.

Yuta pulled out of the hug and cupped her face, seeing her in tears also, which only broke him further. He pulled her close and rested his forehead on hers for a while, before kissing her passionately.

>>>

The couple silently laid in bed, nothing but the sound of wind from outside being heard. Yuta hugged his wife tight to himself, his bandaged hand playing with her own as his fingers traced her bandage. She was already asleep while he held her from behind, too afraid to fall asleep after everything that happened.

Sooyoung was scared too, especially when they passed by the exact place she had been kidnapped from, she broke down in the car. But her body finally relaxed once she was in bed in her husband's arms, feeling protected.

She woke up feeling a hand in her hair, and turned to see Yuta still awake. She smiled at him and turned her body completely, still in his arms. She felt bad seeing his face, he was still in worry and fear, and she felt worse when seeing his injured hand. Sighing, she cupped his cheek, using her thumb to wipe away whatever sadness he had left.

"It's OK now..." she whispered. "You can sleep too. I'm right here, hugging you." she moved closer and hugged him just as she said, her face in his chest. "Sleep Yuta, we can't have the best yakuza leader being tired during work." he heard her slight chuckle.

He could only sigh, kissing her hair. "I wouldn't be one right now if it weren't for you, my love." he hugged her tighter, finally resting his body. "If anything happened to you... I wouldn't be here now. Without you, I'm nothing."

This time Sooyoung stayed awake. Once she could tell he fell asleep, she looked up and cupped his cheek again, leaning up to give him a soft kiss. "Rest well oyabun, you deserve it. I love you." she whispered, playing with the strands of fair that fell on his forehead.

She thought of how strong he is. He didn't only run the strongest mafia across countries, but she knew he loved his group and would hate to see anything happen to any of them. She was more than happy to have someone like him as her husband, strong and powerful, yet loving and caring.

>>>

so yea I watched Yuta as Suzaki Ryo (finally heheh) the moment it came out on netflix & got inspired for this, hope you all enjoyed it!!!

oyabun: absolute leader of yakuza clan (“boss”; literally “parent status”)

#nct #nct 127 #red velvet #nctvelvet #nct fanfic #angst #fluff #yuta #nakamoto yuta #joy #park sooyoung #yakuza #mafia au #nuoyipeach completed

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butterscotch-goat · 10 months

Note

JjjjjjjaARED, IM IN UR ASK BOX

WAS LIKE,,, LUCYS ACTUAL AUTHORITY IN HELL??? LIKE WHAT DOES HE DO BESIDES EAT HOT SHIP AND KISS BOYS???

HI SENNY ❤️ GREAT QUESTION! I still have some spots to figure out but the jist is...

so when the he first fell he was the leader and technically still is, but back then he was INCREDIBLY respected (by most of the demons) and lead the whole operation, even going to earth himself pretty often, especially in the 500s (AD) but over the years the routine got tiring and his hate for humans grew bc he saw them persist despite his attempts, so he started working from hell, making gran plans of destruction and sending other demons to carry them out. He was still very active and would communicate with other demons often, and still take trips to earth every once in a long while. Demons still respected him but didn't have him on a pedestal as much.

Around the 1730s ish(?) He started getting REALLY dedicated to his work and plans. Eventually he got so dedicated to it that he barely left his office or talked with any other demons, including gene, because he was so fueled to ruin humanity and wanted to make the PERFECT plan. Gene tried to get Lucy to freaking CHILLAX bc they have like 8 billion whole years til the sun implodes, but Lucy wouldn't listen. Lucy worked harder and harder and as a result of doing nothing but plan the worst things imaginable, got sadder and sadder and even started feeling *the tiniest hint* of remorse. But that didn't stop the workflow. what it did do was make other demons kinda pity him and view him more as a friend in a tough spot.

And so, in 1922 gene was finally sick and tired of his lovely husband being an ass and was like "buddy. pal. love of my life. you're mad killing the mood and being incredibly petty with all this planning. Humans ARE suffering and maybe you should find something else to do" and Lucy's like "no" and genes like "bye" (or something like that. Im still working out the details but the point is Lucy has been ignoring everything and everyone, including gene, to focus on his work for like DECADES)

And from that point on, the demons view Lucy as a shell of the leader he once was; more of a sopping wet cat than the ruler of demons. No one's trying to take the position of Leader from him tho since the section managers pretty much run everything anyways.

After some runs to earth with Ronnette bc ronnette just HAD to get up in his business, Lucy gets back to his work but is doing a LOT worse and is either crying, sleeping, doing nothing, or doing work. eating hot chip and lie y'know

This may change in the future but this is it basically ^^

#butterstalk #buttersketch dawn

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nessbarbecue · 10 months

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11-30-23 10:35 AM

I'm mad because my teacher is being sassy to me!!! Same teacher as last time. I was on my phone because I have nothing else to do and she was snooty about it instead of just normally telling me to put it away like every other teacher does. I have everything turned in but she hasn't even graded any of it. If she wants to get after me for having a low grade maybe she should actually grade the stuff instead of sneaking up on kids and harping on them like the control freak she is. She's always like, *you have to remind me and let me know when stuff is turned in,* no! I'm not gonna do your job for you. It clearly says on the page that all of it is turned in, and I'm fairly sure it sends her an email when I turn stuff in automatically too. I'm mad. Anyways. I'm gonna eat a snack right now in her class out of retaliation because she hates when people eat in her class. Even if it leaves no crumbs or anything. She's just a control freak. As I previously mentioned. I really just want to go home. I've had a really rough couple of days and we're moving in five days and I'd much rather be at home packing my things into boxes than at school. My mom says I can just walk home if I feel like it, but skipping makes me feel bad... Besides, my favorite class is the very last period. Annoying. If it was my first period, I'd just do that and then go home. Every day. It's IB art. The teacher is super nice, and she lets me use her art supplies, and sometimes even lets me take them home. A few days ago she let me take home a bunch of donated tubes of paint, like twelve of them. They were all super weird in-between colors, no primaries. Stuff like ochre, teal, dark green, pink, etc. I couldn't imagine an advanced art class with a mean teacher. That just kills all your inspiration. I hate my graphic design teacher because of just that, and I loathe coming to this class. Anyways. Today I have a tiny bag of almonds that Kenny's mom gave to me a week or so ago. I snagged them on the way out the door to school because I always get hungry in this class. I really just want to go home. I want to be especially methodical with packing my stuff, because my mom and I struggle to find stuff when it's packed because we never label the boxes. I would go all out on the labelling. I have sticker paper that I could write lists of items on, and then stick it to the side of the box. I could even put tape over the paper to make it secure. I'm excited to move because I want to get a job. I would love to have more spending money. Love love love. There's so much I want to buy. I want to get an office chair for my desk, because right now I'm using a super hard piano bench that really hurts my back. I would like to get myself a haircut because my hair is TO MY BACK. Genuinely the longest it's been in a decade. I would buy a water bottle because my mom threw all the plastic ones I was using away, and I don't actually have a washable water bottle. I'm not sure what kind I would want to get, though. There's so many kinds you can get. I guess I don't really have a preference. I would buy a TON of stickers. You can find stickers for so cheap on Amazon and I bet I could find cheap stickers on AliExpress too. I love stickers SO much. I love scrapbooking and sketchbooking. It makes me so happy. If I had enough spending money, I'd probably also indulge in some secondhand anime figures, too.. I can't help myself when I see super cheap ones online. I think they're so cute. I have three of them right now, so impressive I know. The first one I got was of Madoka, where she's got her hands together and she's just standing. I think it's pretty common because I see it everywhere. I got it for $15 off eBay. My second one is of Asuka from Evangelion, my friend Dia got it for me off of Mandarake. She's in her school uniform and she's got one hand up to her face and one kind of out to her side. The third one I just recently bought a couple weeks ago, and it's Iroha from Magia Record. That one was also $15. I see so many cute Madoka Magica figures on Mercari for cheap that I wish I could buy.

#ness talks

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lightning-writes · 1 year

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good heart (faulty machine of a man) - 7/30

fic summary: bucky meets someone at therapy

chapter summary: bucky steps forward

word count: 876

tags: brotp: sam x bucky (brotp used loosely), post endgame, pre tfatws, hurt/comfort, slow burn, canon divergent, canon compliant, au

warnings: panic attack mention

a/n: have fun with this lil bucky x rue moment! also, if you're feeling generous, head over to ao3 to drop a kudos or a comment...!

AO3 MASTERLIST X

October 14

Rue is hunched over a box behind the receptionist's desk, bending her knees, getting ready to lift. Without thinking, Bucky strides behind the desk and lifts it, effortlessly, for her.

“James–”

“Bucky.”

“No, James,” she hisses. He sees her trying to remain mad, despite fighting off a smile. Suddenly, her hands are over his eyes. Her fingertips are cold. “There’s confidential information there!”

He actually chuckles. “I’ll keep my eyes shut.”

“How do I know that?” she says exasperated.

“You can trust me.”

“I can trust you?” she echoes. “I trust no one!”

(He wants to tell her that’s a good instinct she has going for her there, but he holds back. What he should be telling her is he’s done a lot of missions with impaired visuals, so moving a box to the desk with closed eyes was nothing.)

“You can trust me,” he insists, making a show of screwing his eyes shut. “Guide me.”

He feels her hesitation, then her hands over his. He feels her gently steer him, her little shuffles as a careful attempt to walk backward in her platform shoes. Again, he could laugh.

When he feels the edge of the table, he sets the box down and, with hands up in surrender, he backs away, eyes still closed. She guides him back around the desk.

(This time, her hands are more confidently on his waist.)

“This,” she gestures to the area around her, “is off limits. Don’t come behind the desk.” She peers over at the closed office doors.

“You could say thank you.” The cheeky retort is out of his mouth before he can stop it.

“What I could do is lose my job due to HIPAA violations!” He doesn’t know what that means, but he sees her battle panic and amusement. “So, thank you, Mr. Super Soldier Man, but I’d be more thankful if you didn’t get my ass fired.”

(She’s funny.)

“They won’t fire you,” he says. She raised a brow. “You’re the best receptionist here.”

“Are you flirting me, James?” she says distractedly, pulling a file from the box and perusing it.

“Oh, am I ‘James’ now?”

“For the foreseeable future.” She looks at him through her lashes, a playful scorn.

(He sees her flush, but she’s being bold. They both are.)

“Raynor mentioned it,” he admits, pushing his hair out of his face. “That time, last week, when she asked you to do a list of things in the middle of my session, and you’d said you already did them.”

(But, he thinks, to answer your question - yes, I am flirting with you.)

////

One of Sam’s texts is a location. He sends Bucky activities to do, things to check out, despite living in Washington D.C.

There’s an old school boxing gym in Bushwick that’ll keep your membership on the DL.

(Bucky has to Google what ‘on the DL’ means.)

Tell them I sent you, they’ll take care of you.

Bucky finds himself in the neighborhood one Tuesday, twenty minutes after the gym has closed, but he sees the lights still on. He knocks, cupping his hands to the glass to see inside. An older man, probably in his sixties, comes to the door with a broom.

“We’re closed,” he starts, but Bucky holds his empty hands up.

“Sam Wilson told me to come,” Bucky rushes. “He told me you’d be willing to let me work out here. I’m James – uh, Bucky Barnes.”

“He said you might stop by.” The man gives him a sly smile, like he knows something about Bucky, but Bucky assumes Sam talked about him.

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell him he was right,” Bucky jokes.

The man grins, taking Bucky’s outstretched prosthetic hand. “I’m George. Welcome to Fogwell’s Gym.”

George lends him a pair of boxing gloves and some tape. He tells Bucky, tonight, he’ll stay for an hour, but eventually, he doesn’t mind cutting him a key. He mentions that ‘his friend’ used to work out here from time to time, too.

(He also gives Bucky his condolences.)

When Bucky tells him he can’t really pay for a membership right now, George claps a hand on his shoulder, gripping at the metal.

“Son, I’d be damned if I let a hero pay me a dime.”

(Bucky remembers these words for years to come.)

Bucky tries the boxing gloves, his muscle memory stronger than his actual memory. Images of him sparring with his dad and teaching his sister a few moves flicker in and out as he uses his teeth to tighten the laces. The glove feels uncomfortable over his prosthetic, but he gives the sandbag a few good natured jabs.

Eventually, he just wraps his right hand in tape and lays into the bag. He hears the support beams strain from his blows, but he’s possessed by something deep. Punch after punch, he feels the tightness in his chest build until he realizes he’s been holding his breath. When George goes to tell him time’s up, he finds Bucky on the ground, gasping for air.

George asks, “Are you okay, son?” and Bucky laughs in wheezes.

(For once, he’s winded because he’s out of shape and not because of a panic attack.)

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lafseanchai · 2 years

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I do try to be a kind person. I try to be understanding. I am not perfect, however. And being in a retail setting does tend to shut down a lot of my compassion, because it is hard to escape the general violence of capitalism.

I have a customer who I have been at loggerheads with for a year now. She first refused to understand that she was not special with her small business, and no, we could not deliver to her address, she needed a PO Box because of how the routes are set up, and we have no city carriers who walk the streets to deliver to businesses. Got the PO box and then raised a stink about how she had no time to get her packages, could we bring them just the block down to her. Then she threw a stink when we had to return said parcels to sender after they sat at our office for over 2 weeks. (We don't have much space, postal policy does not allow us to keep things forever, and a lot of times retailers who send stuff see it hasn't been delivered, so will send out a return to sender request.)

Then she could never open her PO Box - which was not broken, she just could never 1) remember the combo, which I gave to her on multiple occasions or 2) tried to pull on the knob to open it, when it has to be turned to actually unlock. (This usually led to her pulling and shaking the little door, and she'd bump the dial and knock the combo out of place.)

Most of her issues were user error, like using the wrong address when mailing things after the forwarding ran out, doing the forwards incorrectly, not opening the PO Box correctly. Sometimes it was Postal error - her old PO not forwarding the mail but holding it for pick up when the change of address came through.

So she has been hit with Murphy's Law of postal stuff, along with user error.

Today she came in, and it turned into something, yet again. The timing always seems to be when other customers are standing there to see me be straight faced and cold while she yells and wails about how unkind I am.

Her box had been closed cuz she didn't renew it in the month and 10 days she had to do so. They get notices at the beginning, middle, and end of the month reminding them, and then have 10 days to renew before we return the mail, close the box, and change the combo. Someone has been picking up the mail, and would have gotten the notices.

So she fell apart when I told her this. She started crying, telling me she'd been down at the Mayo with a grandkid she is raising, who had to have brain surgery.

And I feel for her. I do. My life falls apart when I am stressed, and have never had that sorta stress to deal with.

At the same time, business person to business person, if she wants to keep things running smoothly, she needs to delegate tasks and have someone to keep her informed of things like paying their box rent on time.

This is just a lot, cuz I have always been the person who has to deal with her. My postmaster was out on medical leave the first time, and every time after that, I was just the one who happened to be working the shift she came in.

So I have a bit of a personal grievance against her, since she always makes such a scene. I am sure she has a personal grievance against me, as the face of all her postal bad news.

I am sitting here trying not to be mad at this person, trying to send some compassion out into the universe for her. But also taking some perverse pleasure in staying so calm and collected, and not bursting into frustrated tears after she left cuz I took it too personally, nor for flying off the handle and snarling at her to get her shit together.

And I did get a bit of twisted pleasure when I saw her cuz I knew I was about to ruin her day when she came in.

As stated, I try to be a kind person. But sometimes I am a bit of a bitch.

#ignore me #retail work has broken me pretty thoroughly #when I am work I don't want to have small talk with customers #all the jokes the old men tell are not funny #I don't need or want your life story about why you are sending this package #outside of work I'll talk about these things #I just do not care when I am on the clock trying to work #cuz I have been broken lol

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sincelastsession · 2 months

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My fucking God.

You know every day I wake up and I'm like maybe today will be a better day and it will be cool and nothing stupid will happen.

And every day I am proven wrong recently and this is not a cognitive distortion because all shit I am dealing with so many insane things and I feel like I'm a goddamn magnet for it and I don't think that there's a psychological or therapeutic explanation for why this keeps happening at this time I feel like I'm legitimately cursed LOL.

Like I have surpassed being upset to the point of hysterical laughing like I would do at a funeral usually.

So last night was insane and my neighbor went off on the other neighbor and I called corporate earlier that day because of the nightmare neighbors and she called corporate and wrote them a letter and sent them a picture and told them she was gonna send it all to the news station if they didn't take care of it and went to the office and tore them new assholes Because they kept telling me I was the only one that cared about it and was reporting the situation so she went up there to defend me and tell them they'd better get it straight.

But wait there's more!

So I had a stupid argument with my partner and it was his asshole response and I will maybe have to read that to you because I don't want to post it here but I think I handled myself okay there are some things that I need help learning about how to deal with certain types of confrontation obviously. Because I fawned when I should have bitten his head off. He did apologize for his bullshit and took accountability for it though. I am still mad at him though I have forgiven him and I have not heard from him since he apologized so I guess he is working on whatever the fuck is going on with him that caused him to be a snappy bitch. And I don't mean to insult my partner I am just super fucking exhausted and flabbergasted at my life in general and kind of a crab and a snappy bitch myself but currently I'm just like hysterically laughing at all the dumb fucking shit.

And I would love for this to be in order but I can't get my brain to put anything in order at all and it's annoying and I don't like it and Early wanna be on medication for this and my psychiatrist is unreasonable and terrified of the medical board and it's stupid because it would not even be high-dose it would be a baby baby dose of the medication and it worked before before my other psychiatrist died and there was no problem in the medical board did not spank him. Unfortunately he just passed away And I had to scramble to find Somebody. And I don't hate my current psychiatrist but he needs to work on how he talks to people or something because I always feel like he's staring into my soul and trying to cut me down and catch me in some sort of lie when I'm not even lying about anything and it's weird and he told me fraudian things that were also like wildly out of the box and so II don't know I don't know how to deal with these new doctors They aren't like new as in young but new as in new to me even though I've seen him quite a few times now but like Jesus Christ just totally not anywhere near my last psychiatrist rest in peace.

Anyway what else has happened o jesus

So after my neighbor reported the bullshit today to the office and raised hell and took up for me.

There was still more dumb bullshit but I did not have time to call and report it and report children creeping around my properthree making noises and screaming and talking about hurting my animals and all sorts of shit and I found out that none of those kids other than one girl is a resident of that apartment because the office doesn't know how to keep any information private about its tenants.

So all of the other children do not belong to this woman.

I want to my primary care Doctor today she is very concerned about my health it looks like I am having a load of different problems and possibly a another new immune disorder. I have a ton of blood work to get done. A whole entire button of tubes like I'm talking they're probably going to takeAt least 8 tubes of blood and I'm probably going to need to bring some juice with me and a snack or something they might as well just take a blood bag.

Anyway my primary care is extremely worried about my stress levels and I told her that I've been talking with you and that I've been working as hard as I can on coping with the stress of everything going on and it seems to be one thing after another regardless if I try to do absolutely nothing or if I tried to get up and get things done. We have established that it is not cognitive distortions running the show it is just literally I'm not having a good time and dumb things are happening. And I'm having lots of health issues because of all of it and probably just genetic factors.

I have to wear this silly little heart monitor till the 30 and I hate it and it hurts and I want to rip it off of my chest right now because it's itching like fuck and I'm allergic to Many types of adhesive. And I have to mail this damn thing back on the 30th if I can remember God help me.

And what else is going on let me think because 3 million things happened today yes I'm exaggerating.

So all day I was on and off the phone with my neighbor because well I was off getting things done and seeing my Doctor and visiting someone all chaos has broken loose at the apartment complex.

So I decided that since I went to the Doctor I did not want to go directly home because every time I step foot outside home all the people in apartment 60 come outside and start saying things to me and this is legitimately happening and the office doesn't believe me and I have ordered a security camera and it will be put up.

Also I found out that my dad went to high school with the owner of all the patrician management properties and he will be talking to the man about remedying the entire situation and I am to be moved in September and he will also ask him if he can help find me a nice quiet safe place to stay so I can work on my therapy and everything will be OK hopefully God damn it Like this better work because I am so close to losing it right now like I'm laughing and trying not to fuck up writing this because I'm not even stoned right now I'm just in hysterics because this is like nonsense world.

OK so I went to the Asian market after the Doctor appointment and I was looking for a broom and a few other things that are healthy if you eat the right things and I lost a pound or 2 but I'm also holding a ton of water weight and my doctor's gonna look into what's going on and send me to a gastroentestinal Doctor and whatever other doctors we talked about today I can't even remember at this point I'm so fucking tired. Because like I have cut my calories because I'm not as active and I can't go swimming the pool because people in apartment 60 have taken it over every single day even during the rain today and it keeps turning Kermit the frog green so I can't do my low impact swimming exercises And every time I leave my apartment I get called a fat bitch and all sorts of things from children probably under the age of 12 but I'm not quite sure how old they are. And I don't know if children in this situation where I'm not seeing an exchange of money but there's always a large group at the apartment from 9 of them to 12 of them at a time or more.

I think it might be time to work with you and talk to CPS and see if they can investigate the situation because they are often left outside without an adult present and that is against our apartment rules and I think it's illegal if there's no one over the age of 16 with them.

Because you know what they fucked with the wrong one they fucked with the wrong 1 I know too many people in this city And I have figured out their little fucking game and I am gonna WRECK their little game if they don't quit. No violence involved. But first I need to write a formal letter and I'm bad at doing that so I'm trying to figure out how to do that. If you have any resources on how to do that and you want to email it to me please do I'm not really seeing your emails and I'm a little aggravated about that not at you but I don't know if like my Google account is just filtering it into spam or something else. I do have another email account that I might have to switch over to forgetting emails from you.

By the way completely off-topic I still would like to do the disassociative disordered testing and any other testing you want to go ahead and do on me I will gladly do it I wanna find out if there's anything else going on before we Proceed with my therapy and working towards my goals.

I also visited Travis and his parents for a little while today and his mother sweet and gave me some sage advice and told me to rest 43 days and do nothing but take care of myself and whatever I want to do and I didn't have the heart to tell her that it is far too loud and insane over here for me to do that so I just thanked her for the advice she's a very nice lady she plays it law Davina a lot I don't know if you've ever seen her play but she's wonderful she used to be in this punk band called your mom. But they disbanded because they had grandchildren.

Anyway yeah Doctor's appointment I'm not doing great I don't like that that's going on I probably should sign a piece of paper so you can talk to my primary care if you'd like to I don't mind. She did ask how therapy was going and I told her it seemed to be going all right and she asked your name again so I think it might be a good idea for you guys to be able to talk if need be.

Anyway soyesterday I visited Travis's parents and said goodbye to travis because he went to bed early I was driving home and my parents blew my phone up

Because my father apparently got home and thought he heard my sister crying screaming because of the fact that her fiance broke up with her over text and he went to knock on her door and then opened the door.... And caught her having sex with her Ex fiancée's best friend in my childhood bedroom...

So my parents were texting me asking me for help with that situation because my sister is flipping out and completely out of control I have found so much shit out in the past 24 hours of what she's been up to and I'm sure there's more and she really really needs to go to a facility. And my parents tried to get me to call her and speak to her or go grab her and bring her to my apartment and I told them hell no.

I partially raised her because they didn't do shit just like they didn't do shit with me. I warned her not to do a whole bunch of stupid things which she has done I warned her about a lot. I told her not to do the dumb thing. I told my parents she's going to do these things and she is doing these things and they blew me off and they told me I was just trashing her and I hated her and made up all these stupid little lies that were not true and so Piper thinks that I hate her or something.

Communicating with both of them and my sister is like playing the worst grade school game of telephone ever.

My dad called me begging me to try and talk to her because she was freaking out and screaming him and cursing him out and it's his house and I had to remind him that it's his house and he could have just called him or the police or just told her to get the fuck out.

And I got bothered so much that I sent text messages back to everybody to leave me the hell alone and that they were crossing major boundaries especially when they told me not to tell them what to do with my sister and all this other shit about her which I had been warning them to get her some fucking help.

I am willing to get her some fucking help if she is willing to agree to go get the help otherwise I can't do anything about it. She's drinking she's smoking not medical marijuana every single day to cope with life. And it's all day. She's unemployed. She cannot drive. She did not get her high school diploma. All she has been doing is partying and doing drugs and drinking. Heavily. And then I do think that she is screwing around with a lot of other people And I'm not slut shaming her but I think she is being self-destructive with her body because she is incredibly insecure and Angry.

I mean she's being self-destructive in general.

I'm very much wont to be the big sister and go and help her and speak with her but my dad was like oh be really nice to her because she's in a bad mood and I as a grown woman am not going to bow down to a 22-year-old child basically because she's in a bad mood and I'm not gonna put myself in danger of getting hit again.

I did tell my parents that if I do help her and if she says one more time that she wants to die that I will call EMS and the police and I will call her bluff and I will give her the toughest love she's ever had.

I never did that for people who are dead now and I'll be damned if I see my sister go down that road. I do not care if she is mad at me for the rest of her fucking life. I understand that people with addiction issues need to choose on their own but right now I feel that if she was admitted to a facility that helps with these problems now it would prevent her from getting worse.

I did tell my parents they were crossing my boundaries because I'm not her parent and they have made that abundantly clear when I have tried to help in the past and if Piper wants my help she can call me she has my phone number she knows where I live.

And then my father suggested that she lived with me and I said not unless she follows the rules of my home.

So that's very disturbing and I'm very upset about it and I don't know what happened and I did not ask and I would like to help her but she is not very receptive to me or my parents and she thinks she's slick as if I don't know what she's up to but I have plenty of friends all around this city that see her getting up to things she should not be doing.

It's pretty embarrassing to hear about what your sister got up to from one of your friends who was at the same bar.

Also her biological aunt just died at a very early age from an alcohol-related disease as in like she drank a lot like an alcoholic but she also had a problem in her body that's genetic that caused her to die faster from drinking.

And Piper will not go to the Doctor and she refuses to take any pills. Except for of course recreational drug pills which she will not admit to but I know she's done it. Also I know she's either drinking or doing opiates because people don't cross their eyes like that when they are just stoned. She was in my apartment crossing her eyes and nodding off before she went on an adventure downtown to an abandoned building with stolen street signs with the dude she got caught fucking and 2 other of her friends to take very scantly clad photo shoots and I am not going to shame her for wearing next to nothing but I'm not thrilled about this at all not the lack of clothing but just the things she's getting up to She's going down a bad path and it is worrying me because I have been there and I know what happens if you don't stop being a dumb ass.

And despite the fact that she has been incredibly inappropriate and awful towards me most of her life I still love her very much despite the abuse she has put me through as a teenager and a younger adult now especially with the recent events in January that she doesn't even remember correctly. Most likely because she had been drinking on the way home and didn't think that I wouldn't smell it on her breath but I didn't call her out on it.

And my parents didn't believe me about any of the shit she was doing and they told me that I was just being a bitch and all of this and I told them and I fucking warn them and I've been warning them since she turned 18 and before that as well.

And yeah it's been fucking insane

And me I'm not okay about any of this shit I'm not doing well in general and now I have to worry about my sister because my parents don't know how to be parents and give her tough love and they're asking me for advice and help

My mother is a fucking psychiatric nurse and she can't get her own daughter some damn help and it would be very easy because they could do the same shit they did to me and just tell EMS that she said she wanted to die even if she fucking didn't say it because they've done that to me before and they won't admit that they did it but they did. And I don't hate them for doing that I needed to go to the hospital back then for that instance. I was younger than her and I was doing stupid shit and I had traumas and didn't want to talk about it and my brain was probably protecting Itself and I needed a fucking wake up call.

So I don't know.

Anyway I get home because the entire time I'm driving from Travis's house to my apartment my parents are like calling me and so is my neighbor and so are like 3 other people that were supposed to call me a couple of days ago and I'm like oh my God I'm gonna have to get back to half of you

And I get to my apartment and I walk up the stairs with my groceries exhausted as hell and I set my groceries down on the chair and I go to open my door and the neighbors an apartment 60 open their door and they all come out there and they all start saying shit to me and then I just go inside and shut my door and dead bolt it.

Then I just screamed like I was dying for a minute Into a pillow.

I don't want to scare the cats and I'm worried about June because I missed giving her her medicine this morning dealing with bullshit neighbors so I hope that didn't fuck up her recovery from her uti and I don't even know how she got one because she has a steady source of very clean water and I'm really concerned because she's like my child I know she's a cat but I can't have kids so that's the closest thing I have to a kid and I know she won't live forever but she's 12 and most of my cats live a long damn time because I take very good care of them. I think it's only fair because they take very good care of me as my ESAs.

I cannot wait to move to a place where I can foster a dog again because that will get me back on a schedule of some form because I will have to be on a scheduled to take a dog on walks and take a dog out and take a dog to an adoption house etc. And I can focus on that and I can focus on my therapy and I can focus on getting other things that I have needed to get done done. I literally have an art commission and I can't get it done and luckily the Person is being incredibly patient because they understand the kind of situation I'm dealing with And they know that artists need peace and do not function well in chaotic environments while they're trying to make art. At least me as an artist I don't do well with loud ass noise unless it's music that I picked out and put on repeat while I zone out and make a painting for 6 hours straight.

I'm super pissed because I haven't been able to be creative and do anything that makes me happy because these people are trying to ruin my life.

But that's OK what goes wrong comes around and I'm fucking coming around.

Found out that my father knows the owner of patrician management because they went to high school together. So he's gonna talk to him if this situation does not remedy itself. He knows the owner from high school and hangs out apparently now with a group of guys from high school like they met at reunion. And I'm happy that he is socializing with new people. Because my father's socialization skills can be very bad and you didn't get to see that because he was masking big time in that appointment and bullshitting you. He's very good at that.

Anyway these people are so fucked for messing with me and my neighbor who is recovering from breast cancer still.

Anyway since he knows the guy and the guy owns Lewis properties. I will likely be able to find a very nice place to live in September or earlier hopefully. I'm trying not to get my hopes up because my parents get all excited and tell me things and then it generally doesn't happen. But I'm hoping for a fluke of nature and that good things will come of this.

Off-topic again I think it's hard for me to remember and talk about certain things because I think my brain's still protecting me from a lot of things and from just daily traumatic insane shit and I feel like that should be looked at not my forgetfulness so much but just the fact that that could be happening I'm just kind of curious like can the brain still be protecting me at an older age if I'm still having traumas And I'm sure I could Google that but I'm so tired of looking up medical stuff even though a lot of it is like a special interest to me

Also I'm not even trying to be ridiculous this is also very much off-topic

I got some bubble tea with popping boba and it today and it was really fucking good and I'm really sad that it's gone and I almost want to cry about it like a pregnant woman with a food craving and I think my hormones are really fucked up.

Okay I need to actually bitch a little bit more

I am really fucking gross out and pissed with my sister even though I do love her

Apparently it's not the only person she has fucked in my childhood bedroom that she took over

My dad has rules for that house and I followed those rules growing up and I was made to follow this rules growing up I wasn't even allowed to have my door shut even when I was over 18 and had company over of the opposite sex but when I was younger growing up the house was such a fucking disaster that I rarely had any company over

It's actually worse over there now. I have no fucking clue why her friends even enter the house without throwing up because of the ammonia smell and cat piss smell that is horriblemy dad and sister are completely nose blind to it

I'm really actually fucking mad that my parents freaked out and called me for advice when they gave me hell growing up and when I tried to help my sister when she was at the age where she needed me to help her in my parents basically told me to fuck off and go live my own life and I still didn't get to live my own life because of their bullshit and I'm still not really getting to live my own life as much as I would like to because of their bullshit

I'm still pretty disturbed and fucking mad that as a child my sister would get really bad like dreadlock mats in her hair and I was the one that had to figure out how to fix that and I was the 1 who had to teach her to wash her own hair

I was the one that had to draw her bathwater quite a bit growing up and get her to go take a bath

Even as a teenager she did not shower or bathe very much and she smelled like ass

And she got teased at school and I was like I can take you to go get the things that you need so you don't get tested and so you can keep your hygiene app and I can teach you how to do make app and all of these things so it's not super obvious but you look nice at school so you don't get bullied and I can make sure that your clothes get cleaned with the right detergent so they don't smell like cat pee when you go to school but no one let me do a lot of things to help her

I wish I could speak to her fiancé well now ex fiancé and ask him what exactly happened that made him break up with her because I want to know his side of the story because I'm the one he asked to help arrange the engagement because his idea was bullshit and I did not want my sister to have a piss poor engagement and he went along with it because he had no idea what he wanted was to marry her And he wanted to have her come live on base with him and he was going to give her a home and not require her to work unless you wanted to and all of these things

And I really find all of this to be fucked app Timing because my sister does not have a job Right Now and she's got all these Issues that I have previously mentioned and suspect and my parents are old and my dad is not doing well and my mom is slowly going downhill as well and I feel like even with all the fucking chaos I'm dealing with I feel like the most sane person in the family right now.

I am fucking mad at my sister. Because when she's not working she is leaching off of my parents when she is perfectly healthy enough to go walk to Perkins road or get a ride and go apply for every store over there and I'm sure she could acquire a job.

I mean if she would just go get her GED she could go to community college stay in a student house and get some sort of benefits because I know that they have tons of opportunities for that and she could make healthier friends that won't get her arrested or something. I mean she's only 22 that's basically a baby and it's really hard to talk with her or help her because she just wants to escalate things and freak out and get dramatic and talk about how she wants to die and then she gets violent and flashes out and it looks similar to some of the ways I acted as a teenager and a very young 20 something

There's a lot of things that she has done that I have also done and it makes me feel like she's trying to copy me in a way

I was at 1 point almost engaged to a black man in the Air Force

She knows about that she also knows about all the naughty stupid things I did as a teenager that I should not have done and I told her not to do those things and it was not going to end well if she did and that she would end app in therapy at my age if she continued to do similar things that I did and she's going to end app having some traumas if she continues to hang around the people that she is hanging around and if she continues to scroll around she's going to end up pregnant And I don't know if she pays attention to the news but she doesn't really have a choice if she gets pregnant with all the laws that they are passing. And my parents at their age cannot take care of a baby and my sister has such a temper that I would not leave a baby with her even if it was her own child

I don't plan to be financially asking my parents for help for the rest of my life and I never did to begin with. I mean at this point it's fucking embarrassing. And I want to make it crystal clear that I have never done anything to take advantage of my parents on purpose to gain a place to live or anything else just because I didn't feel like working or something to that effect

But my sister does manipulate an abuse my parents and she does fuck with their heads and pretend to have issues that she does not have and it doesn't take a Doctor to look at her and see that she is perfectly capable of being an adult and going out and doing better things with her life

And I keep trying to get my parents to speak with Travis's parents who have gone through this with travis and travis I would ask him to talk with my sister and me but my sister probably would blow him off too

The thing is any time you're talking to her and you tell her the truth of something she flips outShe escalates since she turns it into this big drama and she twists it around and it's very narcissistic behavior and manipulative and I have sat there and watched her do this and done Gray rock as she flipped out 43 hours once

I mean one time she tried to fight me and I don't even know what it was about she just lost her shit because I asked her I think a simple question about like dinner or something and she was hanging out with her ex-boyfriend Dorian at the time and he was just sitting on the bed Stone and she was just being a fucking asshole in front of him and she does that a lot in front of her friends when I'm around she just talk shit to me in front of her friends like she's trying to impress them

And I went grey rock on her of course which is not easy to do when somebody is trying to push every button that you have. And her bothering me and following me around and screaming at me because I pointed out that she was acting mighty insecure lasted for over 4 hours and she threatened to hit me and gotten my face and talked like she was some ghetto bad bitch when she's a little white suburban girl Who is spoiled fucking rotten and it gets everything she wants because she knows how to manipulate my parents

And I have tried to tell my parents that she has been doing this since she was a small child I think that she legitimately has some sort of personality disorder that she has had her entire life or it's inherited from her biological father who gave her biological older sister shaken baby and her grandmother now takes care of this child by herself because her mother is a dead beat her aunt is dead from alcohol and her grandfather who was apparently a very good man passed away

And I have offered to bring her to visit her grandmother and meet her sisters because she does have I believe 2 more sisters and a half-brother

And I think it would be good for her at some point

Also you know she's put me in a position again of having to give my parents advice and work with her and all this other shit and I don't want to do it again

I thought when she got engaged she would make an engagement announcement and all of these things that most people do and she didn't and she wined about a ring that she said she loved and she bitched and moaned about how he didn't get her the perfect one when he told her he would upgrade her to the 1 she wanted when they got married because he would be paid enough to get her that or something even nicer

And I told my mother when she told me about it that the behavior was disgusting to me and I did not really want to know more and my mother continued to tell me more about how my sister hated that the gotten gazed and didn't really like how the engagement went and all these other things and she's just an ungrateful shithead in my opinion and I think she was cheating on him the entire time because there's evidence of that and I have witnessed things that I wanted to text him and ask him if they had agreed on You know seeing other people possibly while he was in training But that is not my business so I did not ask.

But I do really really want to message him because she did not tell me that he broke the engagement off yet so I could play dumb and just talk to him because I don't think he has any reason to hate me and he's a nice kid and he's a lot more grown up since he's gone through basic training

But he did cheat on my sister before they even gotten gauged they were actually broken up they weren't even dating when he proposed

So like my parents also have never given her any sort of dating advice because my father is the only man my mother ever really actually dated and she dated him for about 6 months before they got married or something ridiculous like that in my opinion

And I mean sometimes my family seems so insane and it reminds me of the book running with scissors Which was also adapted into a movie but it's just like weird characters

And sometimes I look at my life and the people in my life as if they are characters or NPCS

And it's almost in this disassociated ways and I like take a step back and observe all these people.

And I don't think I'm better than them or worse than or the smartest of them

But something's weird

Sometimes it's like interacting with people that you meet in your dreams like that's the best I can explain it honestly like have you ever had a very vivid Dream where you had a conversation with someone and it was very real feeling and very realistic and you woke up and you couldn't remember the conversation but you could remember the person and the plays and how everything felt

But that person in your dream is not even a real person that you know in real life it's just somebody that your brain made up because that's how you get all the extra people in your dreams your brain just makes stuff up

And you know your brains also giving itself a little bath while you're having little weird dreams

And so like as someone who is not asleep currently I am just you know sitting here reflecting on my mother and my father and my sister and just all these people and it's just weird because I feel so far separated from everyone

Like I feel very much different than all these people and I'm not like exaggerating or trying to make myself sound like I'm the most special girl or like I don't know how to explain this it's so difficult to explain. I want to say it feels like I'm a main character and these are like other characters that popup in my life and drive me fucking insane and it's almost like when you're playing The Sims and like they did an Easter egg in the game where sometimes it'll give you a notification that 1 of your Sims is wondering about if they live in a simulation and it cracks me up every time.

But I mean since I was younger everything has been just increasingly nonsense like just the absurdity is getting more and more in the world and in my personal life every year

And I don't know if it's because I'm autistic and this is just something that I'm noticing and it's not something I've noticed before pattern wise and it's kind of weirding me out big time honestly

Like what the fuck

And I tried to talk to my mom the other day about like there's a certain type of brain scan that tells you what parts of your brains are active and it can also help diagnose certain issues and things like that and I was trying to ask her If she just knew what it was called and she freaked out at me and I had to be like wow wow wow why are you freaking out and yelling at me

And my mother has been freaking out and yelling at me a lot lately even if I haven't blown her phone up or been a bitch even when I've been very nice to her she like tries to verbally come in on me

She screams that she needs to get off the phone like she's like having a massive panic attack

I had my head set on earlier today and I needed to pee and I have spoken to her while I was on the toilet my entire life in person so today when I had to talk to her and I had to pee really bad and I did not want to hang app the fucking phone because I was going to talk to her and then get off the phone and go rest and that just didn't happen the way I wished it to be but she like got mad because I needed to pee and she heard What's she thought was p but I had turned the sink on to block the noise out and then she had to have this weird little flip out about hearing me piss

And I was like why does it even matter you changed my diapers growing up like you're my mother why is it suddenly gross why am I gross for going to the bathroom I understand that people you're not close to you're not gonna be on the phone with them while you go to the bathroom and I understand that everyone's different but I have talked to her while I've been in the fuckingthat's room like so many times and she has never Bitched me out before about it

And I think it's pretty fucking weird that when I was a little kid she would scream at me if I'd tried to go in the bathroom with her I remember being like very small and trying to get into the bathroom because I didn't want her to be in there by herself or something I don't know what my childhood logic was

And I get it she probably just wanted peace and quiet but I was a Clinger 9000 and it was probably because I was abused and scared and I went on verbal a lot as a child and everybody just said that I was shy

In that kind of makes me mad

It makes me mad that they didn't recognize that things were wrong because I also went bed and I also had a lot of hypersexuality behaviors and other weird things that I did

But anyway back to the bathroom chatting so my sister comes along when I'm like 15 years old and my parents just take her everywhere with them my sister would get brought to the bathroom with my mother and like just the complete fucking opposite behavior towards her then meAnd I guess the point of that is not really the bathroom thing like I'm mostly like over that even though I think it's really fucking dumb that she got mad over that like come on there's there's more things to be upset about in the world than that and she's my own mom so I don't know why all the sudden it's like taboo

And it is frustrating with my mom because she's diabetic so it's like she has 3 or 4 different personalities and she might actually have a disassociative Problem. Because my father has told me stories and It would make sense. Especially since her father tried to abuse me and did abuse me and did molest me and did try to peep on my sister and my mother when they stayed with my grandparents.

And my mom has all these secrets like she would not hand me her phone the other day so I could show her how to work something and she kept asking me to tell her how to do it on an iPhone and I have an android and I haven't operated an iPhone in a long time so I needed to look at the operating system real quick to like figure it out and then tell her how to fix her phoneAnd she got very flustered and very mad when I asked her to hand me her phone so I could mess around with it for a second and then figure out the problem and show her how to do it because she asked me

And so she finally hands me the phone over after I promise that I'm not going to open her phone gallery or her messages or look at who called her and I don't know what the fuck she's hiding that she was so angry and weird about that

I did not go through her phone and I tried to look at the phone it wasn't even 30 seconds until she just got very mad and snatched it out of my hand and said never mind fuck it you're not gonna be able to help me or something like really shitty

And she didn't have low or high blood sugar she was just being an asshole

And she made me order pizza for the both of us and I told her exactly how much mine costs because she told me she would give me the exact amount because she had cash on her so I told her how much it cost before I ordered it and it was her idea and then when the pizza came and it was time for her to give me money for ordering her some food she only gave me part of the money and then said she did not have all of the money so she lied to me And she owes me money

And she has not paid me back and she has done this multiple times and so has my father my father would fucking steal money out of my piggy bank and my mom would also take money out of it and say she was putting it in a savings account for me and I think that's really interesting

Because growing up I was told that they were putting money in savings accounts for me but I have never seen any of this money

Apparently my grandparents on both sides also had savings accounts for me and I never saw any of that money I do not know what the fuck they did with money that was supposed to go to me

And I don't know I mean I don't really know what to do anymore I mean like

All these people in my life feel like characters and just not real sometimes

Like sometimes lately I just feel like shits just not real like I'm real and things I'm interacting are real but didn't like the background stuff just doesn't seem real at all

And then sometimes like the people I'm talking to in person just do not seem real

And I don't know how to describe this because I don't want to sound like I'm like schizophrenic or something because I don't think it's anything like that I do think it might have to do with this association but I'm not like actively noticing all this shit to like today and the other day I felt like that and this and this is not like a common thing that occurs with me

It may be only happens once a year otherwise but this year it's been like what the fuck is my life like what alternate universe are we in

And it was really weird and interesting to me when my parents got divorced they turned into drastically different people like almost overnight

Like my mom got highly aggressive and secretive and my dad was just angry and depressed and just worse and more controlling towards me and started treating me like I was some sort of wife and that was fucking weird and then later on I learned that it was emotional incest and probably grooming Because my parents have always pitted me against each other

And sometimes I look at them and I see them and I'm like wow they're really just insecure small sad people

And it's weird sometimes just like being autistic or a nerd diversion or whatever the fuck and Observing things and seeing things from like different points of view that most normal people don't know how to do and don't experience the ability to do and can't like think about how other people might feel in shit and II know it's like I'm not super special because I can do that because I know that's perfectly mentally healthy people can also do that but most people don't do that

And Travis has told me that I'm incredibly good at putting myself in the shoes of another person and trying very hard to figure out what they must be feeling and going through and that's why people like me so much or something like that I don't remember the words verbatim but you know I think that has to do with my people pleasing cause I tried so very hard to be the perfect child and the perfect daughter for my parents and at 1 point my spirit just kind of broke and I gave up and I started fighting back because it just reminds me of like when you abuse an animal enough they either like lay down and die or they fight back

And I just I'm really grossed out that my sister was fucking another dude like 2 days after her fiance broke up with her

And she drinks so fucking much and she hides it

And I mean I already cleaned 40 fucking cups out of her bathroom that were all half filled with alcohol and my parents were like oh that's just juiced it And it fermented and I'm like what the fuck do you guys think wine and liquor is

And they were like oh some of it was soda and I was like yes I'm it was soda and hard liquor mixed together in it to go cup because they were all cups from a place at 1 of her friends bartended at

And she doesn't drive she has a skateboard and she can walk places so I mean she's just drinking and it's just upsetting me like I'm worried about it I know it I should be fucking worried about myself but this is like not good

Like none of this is good I'm worried I don't know how to get her into a place for a wake up call before it gets worse and then she refuses to get help and then she causes my parents stress and then she ends up dying of a fucking overdose or something or she ends up on the streets

So like I'm not sure what to do because she's 22 years old.

I don't know if interventions are very helpful these days I've seen so many of those shows and I don't know if that's realistic to try and plan an intervention for her or not.

And I would like to get my parents on board with that to help her and I would like to find friends and people that actually do Care about Her but Quit talking to Her because of Her behavior and see if they would show up as well for Her

And most of her friends got sober and she started hanging out with more people that did drugs and stopped hanging out with her sober friends

So I don't know

I am really stressed out right now it is almost 3 AM and I hear people Outside Right Now and I Know I'm not hallucinating that I Know that the kids from apartment 60 do not seem to have a Bad time and the Mother does not seem to watch them and every time I've tried to get footage of any of this the Mother Freaks out and calls me some sort of pedophile because she's a Messy Bitch but the office is the people that told me to take pictures of when she's not Out There and which kids are Out There And they shouldn't have told me to do that so now they things like creep and other crap at me as well as calling me a fat bitch and stuff that I try to just Block out when I'm going outside to leave or just water my plants like I have a chair outside that I used to like to sit in and just like observe everything without getting involved or talking to people I just wanted to sit on my little balcony porch and I can't Didn't do that now because like I tried to sit outside the other day with my headphones in and listen to some music and look at the sky because the clouds were Really pretty and the Sunset was happening and it made like the Colors of Everything look a little bit Different and they all Decided to just come Outside and yap at me

Like it started with the little kids being like what she doing why she doing that you think she's videotaping us what is that dumb white lady doing and just various other insults like it's really not that creative it is like grade school level bullying and it is like ghetto ratchet bullshit

And so I sat there for another minute or 2 and then they all like ran downstairs and started screaming and standing next to the pool and sang shit leg oh no if I go in the pool by myself I might drown and these are children saying this and the mom tells them to do it and nobody at the office believes me I'm not making it up and my neighbor has seen it and one of the people at the office has actually seen it and she didn't do anything about it because she didn't know what she was supposed to do about it and that's quite interesting to me

Because how the fuck did she get hired

I feel like I could take all these people's job I feel like I could take on the manager's job

Unfortunately I don't have the college education in order to get that job but I would be good as fuck at it because it doesn't seem that damn hard

I mean if something is broken you send the maintenance people out and if the maintenance people can't fix it then you call a professional and then the management company pays for that and you're just the one calling and scheduling things and if you have a computer you can have a scheduling program on it so you know what's happening all the time like they have all that software

And then as far as showing people apartments you don't really need to say much of anything other than showing people any special features and answering any questions they might have which are usually pretty average normal questions as I have looked at apartments myself and gone with friends to look at places and they're just typical questions

And it's not like you have to have a talent to get somebody to rent an apartment because usually they're coming to check it out because they're already interested and all you have to do is just show them what they are asking about and if they don't like it then they're not going to rent and if they do they will rent

I just I it cannot be that fucking hard

And I have asked the office if they had any jobs available And if they had some sort of forum I could fill out to apply to work there and help them in the office even if it was just secretarial type work

Or just printing out things and doing little things here and there for a couple of hours a day which I could have at 1 point done and right now I can't

And you know they seem to be like happy and excited about it but then you know I asked about it again and I saw eye rolls so I think that because they know that I am autistic and I have PTSD they are treating me in a very prejudiced way

Because they for some reason are scared of me about my PTSD and I'm not violent like that it's very very rare that I flip out and get violent with anybody ever I have to be really pushed to my limit and I have to lose complete touch with reality and that has not happened for a very long time

And I had to explain to Erica who walked me back to my apartment after I was threatened and named called and who witnessed the children taunting me and did not do a fucking thing about it that I was not a dangerous person and that I was in therapy and I was not a threat to myself or others and I have a psychiatrist that I see that specializes in this and I thought it was kind of insulting that they thought that of me and that my autism did not make me fucking stupid either I didn't say fucking but I told her it didn't make me stupid and that high-functioning does not mean high-functioning like on the intelligence level either that's not how any of that shit works

Off-topic again cause I'm switching topics

I'm a little worried about having to see a gastro in testing Doctor again. I'm not correcting that I'm sure you can figure out what kind of dogs are I'm talking about the tummy Doctor

Anyway most of the time when they are checking your intestines or if you can swallow or any stomach problems or gallbladder they will do a barium swallow test

And I have had to do that a lot in my life time as a small child and into teenage years because of the disorders that I have that are auto immune

And honestly I hate that test more than I hate a lot of other tests that would freak people out even more

I don't know why it bothers me so much

Maybe possibly because the barium looks like some sort of silly putty or whatever there's that liquid that is also like solid acting and I can't think of the name of it but I remember and like science class a science teacher would make it or show us it or let us play with it and it wasn't silly putty acted like silly putty or like even softer than that but if you used Force on it it would be really stiff or something I don't know But anyway my point is it reminds me of something that should not be in my body and I want to like throw app and die every time I have to do that test and it gives me like panic attacks thinking about it but I know I'm going to have to have that done and I'm probably going to have to have another scope done and I don't want to do that either but there's just something wrong with my body and people have called me a hypochondriac for a long time but every time I have sensed That there is something going onAnd I have figured out what it is and I have gone to that Doctor I have been correct.

Now right now I know that there is something going on however I'm not exactly sure what it is which is why I asked for referrals to a couple different doctors and the Doctor today agreed with me that I was smart and those were related conditions and she should give me a referral for that and she was going to tell me that before I even asked

And I don't think there's anything wrong with being smart about your health like that

I think it's very important as a spoony and as a zebra to research and learn about your conditions and keep your doctors and check about certain things because a lot of them are not educated on all the things that you would think they need to be especially some of the specialists that should know better

And I don't think that I'm smarter than any of them at all but a lot of them seem to think that I think that and I've gotten nasty comments by other doctors before even though I've been like nothing but a fucking polite delight that just knows medical language because I grew up around it and I did not grow up and learn to speak simply I grew up and read the the saurus and I looked at the Mosby's dictionary in Grey's Anatomy growing up and I read giant fucking chapter books I read Warren peace and some other massive book in high school for fun and my english teachers didn't believe me and made me write a report on it and I did overnight and they were flabbergasted

Now I couldn't fucking tell you what That book is about now because I don't even remember because I don't remember huge chunks of my life and it was likely that I was on klonopin at that point in time when I was in high school because I had switched psychiatrist for a short period of time and the lady put me on fucking klonopin and it made me just forget everything and I would have like monsters flip out worse than any of them and I was mean and I just I don't remember it I just remember my parents being like we couldn't deal with you we brought you back and they took you off a bit and put you back on your xanax and you acted normal again

And I was like okay and then you know my life went back to the normal shit show

And yeah I just I don't want to go see more doctors but I know that there's something going on that they're not finding because I can feel it in my body and I get really insulted when doctors tell me that they think I'm a hypochondriac or people tell me that like it makes me angry like it's one of the biggest insults for me it's a huge trigger and I swear if you ever call me a hypochondriac incession I will flip out at you and walk out and never come back and I'm so serious about that I don't think that you would do that to me but I'm just telling you right now I will not put up with that that's a massive boundary for me

And it is a massive boundary for me because I was told that I was lying growing up when I was basically fucking dying until I was fucking dying and I had to be rushed to children's hospital and then it took the Doctor like 10 minutes to diagnose me

And you know I've been misdiagnosed by so many doctors so like I don't think I'm a fucking hypochondriac

I mean a hypochondriac is going to pick out a disorder that they could not even possibly have and then convince themselves that they have it and then go to the Doctor and then find out that only men get that problem like that's a hypochondriac

I'm more curious to see if certain medical conditions are related 21 another because they are making medical findings about that and I read medical news because it is my special interest and it has always been interesting to me even as a small child because like before I even was diagnosed properly I was stealing my mom's medical books to look at stuff and read what I could understand and I was a small child I was like in kindergarten and then as I got older I still continued to look through the books and read

And then growing up my mom worked in the OR and at the hospital and I would hear all about all the surgeries and stuff and Then She Tell Me like Really fucked up shit about Her work day or She would be talking to a friend on the phone and I would Over Here All of It and I was a little kid but I wasn't stupid

Like little kids do understand what people are saying. I'm sure you know this. I mean when you're a little kid you just don't know how to respond to it like an adult would have vast vocabulary.

Now sometimes I did respond because I did have a big vocabulary for a small child because I like to read and I was around adults mostly growing up I really wasn't allowed around other children too much

And if I was around other children I got bullied and other stuff so my mom just wouldn't let me go places or I just didn't get invited or included so I hung out with the adults or older kids like Jen x

And you know I've seen someone get dragged out of their house onto their front yard and gotten the piss beaten out of them by my best friend because we hung out with Generation x growing up and elder millennials.

And so I grew up you know and it completely different world than my sister everything's politically correct now and I don't really care that much about it like I tried to keep up with it but some of it's just so out of the box wild that it just makes me feel fucking old man

Like I'm starting to understand why older generations fucking hated us when I was a child

Because to me Seeing my sister's generation is quite interesting because the kind of people my sister hangs out with are all about esthetics and kind of trying to show each other app and it seems to be like a creative yet very insecure group of people who do lots of drugs and stupid fucking things and I'm sure that they have fun and good wholesome moments and they do have decent friendships but these are not people she should be hanging around and she would have a much better time if she chose different friends With different social statuses but I can't control any of that

I can't really control anything in my life and I know that

And I'm not trying to control anything I mean my parents blew my phone up today asking me for advice and can you call your sister and talk to her and oh just be gentle with her she's really angry she might explode at you and we don't want her to get any angrier and I'm like why in the fuck are you guys asking me to talk to her because I want to ring her damn neck right now

And it's weird

Like it it's like the time I was bringing her home from school and she just started crying her face off and I had to pull in over at a taco belavel because I thought she was just Hungry angry

And so I got her food but she was still crying and she ate her food and you know she was kind of drawing it up and sniffling and she looked at me and she started crying all over again and she asked me if I was her real mom

And I was shocked

Because my parents had told her she was adopted from a place in Colorado

She was in high school

Like she really thought that I was somehow her birth mother and that I would for some insane reason let my parents adopt her from me because that's how she thought what was going on she thought I was like her biological mother

And I told her that sometimes I wished that I was because I did not like the way that mom and dad parented her

And I told her that no sweetheart I'm not your biological mother. At that point I already knew like everything about her mom because I went online and founder and all that shit. Didn't cross the boundary of speaking to the woman but learned about her mother enough to know that it probably was never a good idea for her and her birth mother to speak 21 another but she's over 18 now and they chat on the phone regularly so I can't do anything about that

But anyway I mean that memory sticks out and my head a lot when she's having problems when she asked if I was her mother and I told her no even if I was for some reason I would never let my parents have her

And I feel like it's my fault that my parents got to adopt her and I feel like she would have had a much better family and a much better life if she had been adopted by a different family

And I never really wanted a sibling.

I never did I told my parents I didn't want one and they told me tough shit that they wanted like 4 more and I was like you guys are too old to adopt in the state of Louisiana so you're literally calling places that will accept older parents

And I told my parents that I needed them and I was having trouble and they claimed that they don't remember this at all whatever kind of always up their own asses and they already are still

But the thing is the social worker who interviewed took me outside away from my parents to me and asked me if my parents were hiding anything or if there was any reason that they should not be allowed to adopt my sister and I had been threatened before that happened so of course I didn't say anything about my parents

When the lady asked me if I wanted a sister or brother I said yes and I truly believed that somehow that would fix my parents from being unhappy and arguing all the time because they would be too focused on a baby to scream at 1 another

But that didn't happen they still fought even with the infant around and I remember screaming at both of them to shut the fuck up because like my mom or dad would be holding my sister or my sister would be in her crib and here them screaming and then she would start to cry And it was horrendous

And they couldn't understand why my sister was so angry as a toddler

Well it's pretty fucking simple she was stressed out and angry her entire life because she was exposed to violent verbal arguments that were incredibly loud and would make any infant freak out

And I'm still really really bothered by the fact that she came over to my apartment with her friends and the guy she got caught fucking in my old bedroom

And like what the fuck

But like why why were her eyes crossing she just told me she was tired that was her excuse and I was like okay but like are you stoned and she was like I'm good bro like she didn't answer the question and I Tried to ask her something else and she did not answer the question then either and I tried to get my mom's attention and I was like hey mom like right in front of Piper but Piper was soooooo out of it she didn't even notice me being like "MOM SHE IS ON SOMETHING"

And my mom didn't respond. She was acting completely out of it.

IT WAS WEIRD

Like my brain is trying so hard to figure out what exactly is going on.

It goes in puzzle detective deep dive mode.

Also my neighbors are currently still outside.

This is trash.

I hope the camera we ordered works because I'm sooooo sick of this shit.

Idk I'm gonna try to sleep if I can.

Fuckin weird days I'm so worn out mentally and physically I'm hurting so bad and that's kicking my ass too.

I really don't know what to do in my appointments except chat right now. I feel far too stressed to focus on myself at home and my goals because it's hard to even cook a meal without hearing SCREAMING for example

I definitely need the appointments. I also need to check with my insurance to see if I can see you more frequently because I need to stabilize and you help and 2x a week for a bit would most likely helpful till we knock it down to onelce a week. But still even if it's allowed it's up to you if you wanna see me 2x a week.

Ok I'm trying to shut up. I really do have this compulsion or constant impulse to keep talking even over text and....I don't think it's only because I don't feel heard or whatever like I've been told and or expressed

I think there's just another factor

You know I cry because I used to not be this way and I remember how I spoke and acted before and I try to do that and I notice that I literally can't

I do get short moments where my brain is silent and I cam speak well and things are fine but then it feels like I can't operate correctly anymore in that way

I'm glad I have no obligation tomorrow.

Well I do need to write the formal letter but still I shouldn't fuckin have to.

I should not have to deal with hateful people so much

Ok enjoy this picture of June my sweetest bestest girl and a very good tiny ESA cat.

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