#and then we sat in a cafe for 4 hours talking nonstop about music and shows and growing up in a religious rural small town

[lepakonpaska]

god i've missed dating women (and will ramble more in the tags)

[oureuphoria]

Worst of You - JJK 10

You meet him under horrible circumstances but everything feels perfect when you’re with him. Too bad you have a bitch of a best friend, anxiety and an inability to learn from your mistakes which cripples your chances to be with the man of your literal dreams. He, however, is a police officer with years worth of built-up turmoil and an inability to make attachments. Or “I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.” “Cool, I’ll let everyone know you’re moving in then.”

Genre: fluff, angst, comedy

Pairing: officer!jungkook X  collegestudent!reader

Word count: 3,477

Warnings: None I think. 

Note: P.S. thing’s start to go downhill from here. 

| 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 |

When you woke up, you expected to see Jungkook’s side of the bed completely empty but instead, he was right there sleeping peacefully, at 9am. “Jungkook! Wake up, you’re late to work!” You shook him lightly, your voice was still pretty quiet. He tiredly turned to face you before letting out a hoarse, “what?” You pointed at the clock, he took one look at it and went back to sleep. “Jungkook, what about your job? Are you sick?” He turned to face you once again, more awake now. “On Tuesday I got promoted to Corporal, I have Saturdays off now.” “Oh.” You were about to go back to sleep, but then you jumped up quickly and Jungkook winced at the storm that was yet to come. “Wait! Why didn’t you tell me, that’s so amazing! I knew you could do it!” Jungkook pulled the blanket over his head to block out your loud excitement and you got the hint. “Whoops, I’m sorry. I’ll let you sleep now.” You smiled to yourself as you quietly left the bed.

All the sleepiness was knocked out of you so you decided to take a shower, but you were genuinely uncomfortable with the idea of going to the communal bathrooms on a Saturday morning. They were generally filled with puke and hungover college students. You recalled Jungkook telling you a while back that you could use his guest bathroom whenever you wanted and thought you would have to use children’s shampoo because he always kept it there in case his niece and nephew had to stay for a while.

You were still in the bathroom when Jungkook woke up. You were in the middle of harshly judging your skin when you heard Jungkook’s voice just outside your door. “Mom, I told you I don’t want to. No, I don’t have a girlfriend, I’m just not interested.” That sentence alone got rid of all your rationality and soon you had your ear pressed up against the door to hear better. “You know what, fine, I’ll meet her tonight. Are you happy now?” You couldn’t hear what was said on the other line so you had no real way of telling what was really going on or who he was meeting which just made you extremely anxious.

“Hey, Y/N. I’m going out tonight to meet an old friend.” You heard him yell from his room before he came out in slacks and a dress shirt, looking very handsome. You were on the couch, reading a book you bought the other day with Jimin. “Help me with my tie, your small hands make better knots.” You rolled your eyes at the underlying insult but you helped him anyway. You couldn’t help but feel a little angry about having to hear him lie to his mother about you. “Ow! Y/N, too tight.” You didn’t mean to smile but you did and he looked at you suspiciously. “My bad.” He took one look at his reflection in the mirror he has in the living room and angrily took the tie off. “It’s too much.” Then he unbuttoned the first few buttons, his toned chest peaking out. “You seem to be trying awfully hard to impress this ‘old friend’” Jungkook leaned down to face you, pinching your cheeks tightly. “She’s just a friend.” He gave you a quick kiss before he grabbed his things and was out the door.

You went back to reading the book you had just started to read but it was growing harder to concentrate the later it got, and once he was finally back, it was 11pm. You were already asleep on the couch, the book on your lap as your neck hung to the side. Jungkook winced at the uncomfortable position and hoped you weren’t asleep that way for long. “Y/N, wake up. Come on, let’s get you to bed.” You sleepily got up, rubbing your eyes to help you see better. You unlocked your phone to check the time and saw it was 11:17. You couldn’t help but wonder what took him so long considering he left at 7 but before you could address it, the warm confines of the bed pulled you into a gentle sleep.

The next day things were extremely tense. If you didn’t initiate conversations it would often go quiet for a really long time. Jungkook was either on his laptop, on his phone or playing a video game. The cycle got a little tedious around 1pm. “Jungkook, I’m bored.” He didn’t look up from his phone, smiling as he messaged someone. “Hello? Earth to Jungkook?” He once again kept his eyes trained on his screen though this time he found the energy to formulate a reply. “I heard you the first time. I don’t know, go out or something.” You frowned, his days off were the only days you could genuinely spend time with him and yet it felt as if he didn’t want to. You weren’t going to beg for his attention, you knew it would just make him mad.

You decided to go shopping, you wanted new clothes and you were in desperate need of a new laptop charger, you were sick of getting electrocuted every time you tried to charge the damn thing. It was a warm day, significantly warmer than any other this crisp winter, you were nearing the end of February so it was natural for the weather to get warmer. “Isn’t it too cold to wear a skirt?” You heard him ask behind you as you put on your shoes. “I literally just complained to you about the weather and how it was going to be 97 degrees today. Maybe if you listened to me you’d know this.” You stuck your tongue out at him towards the end of your sentence, it was childish yet you couldn’t help but hope he would take you seriously with your complaints. “Do you want me to drop you off?” You shook your head, giving him a peck on the cheek on your way out. “Y/N take a jacket- and she’s already out the door,” Jungkook mumbled the last part to himself, shaking his head slightly at your forgetfulness, he knew it was going to get colder later and he knew he was in for an earful about how cold you were when you’d get home.

“And then the lady told me that they didn’t have any more in my size and I was so sad. Jungkook are you even listening?” On his phone, once again, even when the man wasn’t at work he always found a way to make you feel like a nuisance. You gave up, it was like talking to a brick wall accept maybe the brick wall would be a better listener than Jungkook. You were already in bed when Jungkook joined you, though you were facing the closet door and sleeping near the edge. “Jungkook I think I’m going to go back to sleeping at my dorm.” He wasn’t expecting you to be awake, the statement catching him off-guard. “Really, why?” Despite him sounding fairly uninterested, you were glad he even responded. “If I don’t sleep there then I’m basically paying rent for a horribly overpriced storage unit.” Jungkook chuckled at your joke, but he didn’t reply, you took it as a sign that he wanted you out too.

“Ew, what’re you doing here?” Ellen was exhaling a cloud of smoke when you walked in. “I live here, stupid. Stop smoking indoors!” You spoke through coughs, blowing the smoke away and opening the windows. You looked up to see the fire alarm was off, you glared at her respectively. She didn’t care about your concerns, in fact, to show you exactly how little she cared, she flipped you off as you went to your room. Ellen was a lot of things, but you didn’t think she was a genuinely bad person, she was probably just lonely and sometimes you felt bad for her, but then she would start pissing you off again and you’d go back to hating her.

Your room was still the same, untouched. You often came here to study but you began slacking off as spring break was nearing. Ellen was blasting loud music again but weirdly turned it down when you asked her to. Maybe she liked having you back, maybe your theory about her being lonely was true after all. Whatever it was, you were grateful for it.

The next day was a Tuesday, also known as the worst day of the week. Not only did you have two consecutive tutor lessons but your classes ran nonstop from 8am-3pm. After your last class ended you walked to the library, exhausted and hungry. Unfortunately, you couldn’t eat or rest because your first tutoring lesson started at 4 and you had a lot of content to organize. A couple of students showed up 20 minutes early but you refused to say a word to them and they joked about how you should become a lawyer since you refuse to give out free advice but you were not in the mood.

3 dreadful hours later you were finally done with both sessions and you laid your head on the desk sleepily. You were tired enough to convince yourself to forget food and go home. Sure, you hadn’t eaten anything all day but sleep seemed more appetizing than food ever could. Naturally, since the universe seemed to hate you before you could even get up Jimin sat right in front of you. “There you are! You will not believe who I just saw at the cafe.” You looked at him distastefully. “Who?” You played along for the sake of getting it over and done with. “Jungkook, with a very pretty girl.” You laughed, assuming it to be Mel. “That’s just his coworker.” He looked at you with worried eyes as he shook his head. “No, I saw his coworkers when we went to the club, she’s different. She’s Asian, tall, long black hair, you don’t know her?” You shook your head, feeling the exhaustion disappear. “How long ago did you see them there?” “20 minutes ago, I would’ve told you earlier but you weren’t picking up your phone.” You recalled putting it on night mode before starting the lessons. You took said phone out to message Jungkook, asking where he was. He finished at 6pm which should’ve been an hour ago.

You

Where are you, Jungkook?

Delivered

You waited for a reply but you can’t say you were patient, you were growing more anxious by the second and thankfully, almost 4 minutes later, Jungkook replied.

Jungkook

Work, I’m going to be late tonight.

Read 7:28

“What a fucking liar!” Jimin exclaimed from beside you once he read the message. He grabbed your hand and pulled you up. “Jimin, where are we going?” He speed-walked out of the building, making his way to the student carpark and very literally pushing you into his car. “Jimin, where are we going?” Once he put his seatbelt on, he turned to you smiling. “Station, we’re busting his ass.” You whined out loudly. “No, I don’t want to cause drama, he was probably with someone important for work.” Jimin didn’t reply, driving you there anyways. He went in with you and you saw Mel, he pushed you towards her and she smiled your way. “Hey Mel, I was just wondering if Jungkook was here?” You asked her politely, a little bashfully to be frank. “No, actually, he left a while ago.” You nodded, smiling though it really didn’t feel genuine, you thanked her and walked back to Jimin, telling him about what she said.

“Do you think he’s cheating on me?” You were on the verge of crying when you left the building, Jimin quickly engulfed you in a bone-crushing hug. “I’m sorry Y/N but after what you told me yesterday and what I saw, I think he is.” You started crying then, you had been cheated on before but you were 15 and you dated the boy for like 3 days. When you were finally in bed, you couldn’t sleep. You felt sick and exhausted but all you could do was dwell over Jungkook. After the phone call you overheard, the night out he had with her on Saturday and lying to you to see her it appeared that he probably was cheating.

When Jungkook left the bathroom, you had just walked out of the doors of the station lobby. By the time he got to Mel, you were gone. “Hey, did I miss anything?” He asked Mel while looking around the station. He was getting ready to leave after finally wrapping up the last of his reports. He had originally finished at 6 but the Chief called him back in because he needed some reports earlier than expected. He didn’t mind though, after finally clearing up with his old friend (the girl his mother tried to set him up with) that he wasn’t interested in a relationship, he felt a huge weight lift off his shoulders. Mel paused for a moment before smiling. “No, you didn’t miss a thing.

_____

You were having dinner with Jungkook, it was a Friday night and you had barely spoken to him all week. When he asked what was wrong you were quick to brush him off, saying you were sick. You weren’t lying, at least not entirely. For the most part, you were ignoring him because of the cheating suspicions which you were still yet to address. “Y/N, we need to talk.” Your heart stopped then and there, you genuinely believed he was breaking up with you at that very moment for someone else. “…Yes?” Your voice was small and you had barely squeaked the word out before you chugged an entire cup of water out of nervousness. “You already know I’m not a fan of this facade you put on when something’s wrong so, how about you drop it and tell me what’s wrong?” He spoke softly, in a tone that was more friendly than menacing, but you couldn’t ask him, it would hurt too much if you were right.

“Um…I think we need a break.” “We don’t need shit.” Jungkook spoke so quickly and surely after with such a casual tone, causing your mouth to let out a default, “oh, ok.” There was a silence that followed before you realized what you had said. “Wait, no, it’s not okay. I think we need a break.” You spoke more sternly this time, trying to get your point across. You believed that if you took a break, you’d be able to soften the blow on yourself when it would inevitably come. Time heals everything or so they say. “And why’s that?” Jungkook was still eating his steak, though with more vigor than he had before. “Well, I just think that we should take some time to figure out what we really want.” “The only reason we’d be taking a break is if you’re not sure you want me because I’m already sure I want you, Y/N,” Jungkook spoke monotonously, showing little signs of anger but you knew they were there. “Well, it doesn’t seem like it.” There it was, a simple mumble, a quick thought that accidentally slipped out of your mouth, the trigger to your first ever real fight. “Why do you feel that way?” Jungkook was staying scarily calm. In the past few months, you’ve only had a small number of petty fights that meant nothing but he’d always get super angry and it was generally really funny. Now, however, it seemed as if this fight was far more serious than the rest and it scared you with how calm he was.

“Well, you just never have time to do anything and it feels like you prioritise everything before me.” Jungkook dropped his knife and fork, took a long sip of wine before replying. “Going into this relationship, did I not warn you about how busy I was?” “That’s not what I-” “Just answer the question Y/N.” You nodded in reply, trying to calm yourself down in case you got mad and said something stupid. “Did I not warn you that I took my job very seriously and often put it before anything else?” You nodded, though his work was far from what you were trying to criticise. “Then tell me why the fuck you’re complaining about it now?” He was still calm, yet very stern and you felt as if you’d start crying before you let any proper reply out. You forced yourself to keep it together though, you could have a reasonable argument, you’re an ‘adult’ after all.

“I wasn’t talking about your job, I mean your days off. It seems you would much rather spend time with your phone or friends than with me and it doesn’t feel very nice.” He nodded, picking up his knife and fork again before stabbing his steak with controlled aggression. “I’ve spent nearly every one of my day’s off with you. Your comment only applies to a couple of weekends and I know you’re not this upset over that so spit it out. What’s really bothering you?” Your mind told you to keep your mouth shut but your heart desperately wanted closure and before you could realize it you had already blurted it out.

“I think you’re cheating on me.” For the first time since the argument had started, Jungkook had dropped all of his eating utensils and was looking at you. “What?” You felt judged under his stare so you diverted your eyes to your plate of food while you poked at the chicken. “It started when I overheard you talking to your mother, you told her you didn’t have a girlfriend and that you were going to meet someone for her, then the night that you do, you’re dressed all fancy and stressing over the way you look, what was I supposed to think?” Jungkook’s face hardened, his hand coming up to massage his now aching head. “You thought I was cheating because of that?” You didn’t like how it felt so trivial under his words, it seemed pretty damn important. “No, there’s more. Jimin came up to me on Tuesday saying you were out with some girl, at first I didn’t think much of it but when I messaged you, you said you were working even though Jimin swore he saw you at the cafe with a girl. Jimin and I went to the station to see if you were there and you weren’t, you lied to me.”

“No, you’re lying right now because I was at the station, I would’ve seen you.” “No! I was there, you can even ask Mel, I asked her where you were and she said you had left a while ago.” Jungkook’s face fell at the mention of Mel, she knew he was there the whole night, you had to be lying. “What time did you go to the station?” You looked at him, confused. You didn’t know why that was relevant but you answered nonetheless. “Right after you replied to me about you being at work.” Jungkook remembers he was in the bathroom at the time, but it didn’t make sense, Mel wouldn’t lie, she had no reason to, she was his best friend for as long as he could remember, there was no way she’d lie to him.

“Y/N, if all you’re going to do is lie then this conversation is over. You clearly don’t want to be with me but you’re insistent on being the good guy so you try to accuse me of cheating? Seriously? That’s it Y/N, I’m done. Are you happy now?” It was at that moment that you noticed a couple of tears had fallen down your face, you shook your head quickly, not trusting your voice but he already left before you could tell him how wrong he was, his steak half-eaten. You wanted to be with him more than anything in the world, but you were both stuck in distorted versions of the same reality, not one knowing the real truth.

Every time you saw him from then, it was always at that stupid cafe. You avoided going there as much as you could but it became hard when it was the only place Jimin and Alex wanted to go. Alex, yes. She came to you 3 days ago with. A heartfelt apology and a lot of buried confessions, you forgave her but you let her know you weren’t sure you could trust her the same way yet. Nonetheless, you and Jungkook were both still not talking to each other and every time you saw him, your heart broke a little more.

[isakwon]

Coffee Bean (Extinct) Part 4

Pairing: Park Chanyeol x Reader

Genre: Romance & Angst

Word Count: 4.2k 

Coffee Bean Masterlist

Summary: It’s believed the Red String of Fate can tangle and make annoying knots, but it can never break. But can it become untied from one person on either end?  

  “What?” Chanyeol lifts himself up off the ground. “What is he babbling about?” He reads the text again puzzling and puzzling what this evening suddenly bringing.

Messages

[From] Lay:  Actually you’re going on a blind date.

    He closes the shoe box of letters and placed them back into their hiding place then exiting the storage closet. Chanyeol drags his feet down the hall tickling the hairs at the back of his neck. His face gets lit up even brighter by the bright screen the more furrowed he kept his eyebrows rereading the text banner just making sure he is reading correctly. Expecting for another banner to pop up beneath about the message sent as an error meant for another person.

   The text box words were as clear as the sky showing off through the windows, as well as the questioning punctuation that followed afterwards. Yixing knows about his marriage, hell he had been sent an invitation. Chanyeol stopped his tracks as he reached the master doorframe peeping into the room sort of leaning forward to the opposite side. His wife slept facing the framed photos occupying her side, the sheets covering half her silky covered body.                                                            

...

  “What did you send him?” Yixing parts his lips with his widened eyes getting the phone back from Sehun but the phone keeps getting gestured from him.

 “I think Chanyeol should see Y/N. So he sees the person Y/N became after leaving her first. They’ve been apart long enough.” Yixing quirks his brow upwards. Three weeks since moving to South Korea Sehun shut the door in front of Chanyeol multiple times and his one sided anger lasted long enough for believing Sehun completely lost respect.

“This whole time I thought you hated Chanyeol. When Y/N boarded the plane, you nagged over him because he didn’t come to stop her.” Yixing says, killing a growing smirk. The phone makes a high dinging sound grabbing their chins down.

Messages

[From] Chanyeol:  Yixing, where are you and please wait about an hour. I’ll come get you.

   Sehun rolls his eyes while forcing down amused snickers thinking about suspected number of times Chanyeol must’ve received drunk texts. It made sense for the assumption about suggesting dates to a married person being drunk texting except for one you and the boys didn’t order drinks and two; Sehun’s idea comes out with pure sobeirity.

[Sent] Yixing:  I’m not drunk, thanks for asking. -_-  Can you make time in the afternoon to meet? Just dressed casually.  

“There’s always been mixed emotions towards him.”  Sehun said. “Even way before romance was building with Y/N, Chan had always been my closest friend.”

 [From] Chanyeol:   Hyung, I most definitely don’t need any dates, Somil will be shocked. You know, Somil, my wife. You remember I’m married don’t you?

     On the wedding day, Yixing attended the surprise reception during the daytime. He wore a dark gray blazer hanging open dangling beside his waist with the white crew collar unbuttoned. He had his hand in his pocket while holding a glass with the other staying in his seat until the newlyweds arrived.  

[Sent] Yixing:  Not exactly a blind date. It’s more likely an eat out. she finds you charming and wants to start off  developing friendship.

  “Sehun, with Y/N it’s easy for her to hang out,” Yixing says. “Especially now, but Chanyeol’s been working nonstop. And the holidays are the busiest times for him he doesn’t have the time. That company has become something he lives and breathes now.”

  “Baekhyun knows Chanyeol still stops by Cafe Cicero. Y/N wouldn’t have been there that long unless there’s still an ounce-” The phone rings again.

[Sent] P. Chanyeol:  Sounds more like she’s interested in a special bonus that never exist.

   The boys knew that that morning you waited while sitting and waited sitting down until you left disappointed about letting hopes high of meeting Chanyeol again. They didn’t ask that you saw Chanyeol since they assumed you’d rather not talk about nothing happening.  They knew you payed a visit there, but they were still pretty shocked how long you said the wait lasted but they didn’t see bother you hid. You arrived arms full with plastic bags filled with Christmas paper and bows along with favorite snacks for self satisfaction.

   [Sent] Yixing:  That’s why I referred you. If she impresses you, like she wants then she’ll be on the roadway to her journey already. So it’s more of a business blind date.

[From] P. Chanyeol:  Xing, since this person wants to be a superstar model, she can start off scheduling an appointment professionally. Besides scouting off the street isn’t my department, just tell her Impresa is not the love connection where the ‘charming’ boss falls for the outcast trainee out of dozens. It’s not that kind of movie.

  Sehun quirks his brow. “He indifferences reality with fictions towards us yet he’s used Japanese myths upon Y/N with him so neither would have to worry about losing their happily ever after despite there being no chance.”

 Yixing sucks on his lips and stays silent. He didn’t necessarily see a response to argue with towards that comment.

   [From] Lay: Yeol, honestly the models already working there never tried, they’d fall too far within heels trying to catch your eye.   

     The read text message turns lips further down the chin. Admittedly, that wasn’t much an insult more less a joke.

[Sent] Chanyeol:  Stay where you are, I’m heading downstairs, getting in the car, coming to get you. I’m calling Junmyeon see if he’s still awake.

Heat rushes Sehun to his head.

[Sent] Yixing: God damn it Chan honestly you’re not-just- look can’t you just see the girl?

  Now he was fully convinced Yixing isn’t drunk and literally suggests him going behind backs over for blind dating. Why was he even texting this when he went to the wedding reception? Not only Lay, his friends knew the attitude Chanyeol’s Father-in-law can get just by hearing ‘rumors’ including his normal facial expressions.

  [Sent] Chanyeol: Lay, it may have been long since we last seen each other but you haven’t woken up from a coma. I gotten married since you don’t seem to remember, so tell this girl exactly what I said before.

  “Hyung, there’s not much we can do for making Chanyeol come see us now. Even with Y/N here...it’s time for both of them to move on with their lives like they should’ve long ago. Chanyeol has to accept settling down with his wife and Y/N should wait for someone she will really fall deeply in the end.”

 “Their strings…”

   “Once myths lose their place in reality, they lose their place in the future. Once Chanyeol and Y/N lost their vow, that dispersed when he became sidetracked.”

  Yixing sinks his teeth on his bottom lip as silence replaces the dispute between them, feeling the soft shoulder rubs from Sehun’s hand. It’s most likely Chanyeol isn’t going to see you during your short visit at all. The men stood above the family sized table just in time to eat food served on hot plates. Your lips form a perfect half moon smile over you as you lift your head to both Yixing and Sehun which they return automatic grins. He nudges on Baekhyun’s elbow sitting himself down on the bench.

“Oh Sehun, Baekhyun and I are going to see this new movie coming out and we were wondering if you wanted to come?” You asked.

 “Sure, what movie is it?” 

“Murder On The Orient Express’.”

   The nineteen seventy-four film remake based off the novel starring another broadway fellow of yours seemed intriguing and their soundtrack has mixed reactions using modern music over classical yet the song was fitting enough for your taste. Surprisingly, Jongin saw the trailer before showing Baekhyun and you made plans for watching the movie. “Why did you take so long?”

  Sehun rose his brows towards Jongin asking him the question. All Sehun could say came out stuttering until Jongin suggested something that threw Sehun, Yixing and the rest of the table off. They shake their heads vigorously, “Stop it. Don’t try to bring out your extra freaky side.” You muffled your laughter seeing Jongin get punched in the rib.

....

   The cell phone stopped vibrating with popup message banners, implying the weird conversation was over so Chanyeol sets his phone on the glass table with a click. He sat still, sinking his teeth down his bottom lip before falling on his back and his rolling eyes, throwing his arms above his head   the lamps dangling from the ceiling providing the most light in the room. The condo is quiet with exception of overly repeated Christmas music playing at low volume and sheets ruffling heard from the master room. He relaxes on the couch letting his muscles stretch enjoying the momentary peace for the first time the entire month. Nobody under the model agencies knew Chanyeol until the betrothal was announced then beaming eyes adorned upon the young couple and the bride’s Father. For every special occasion; anniversaries, birthdays, New Year parties, Chanyeol received many gifts from strangers familiar and employed with his Father-in-law. Suddenly he had golden diamond watches, diamond wristlets, real leather skinned wallets. He stored the fancy crafted accessories hanging with his brand new clothes of seasonal line neatly on a clear jewelry rack rarely ever used.

    His father-in-law once gifted Chanyeol and his daughter the newest model cell phones that hadn’t been released for Chuseok. She kept her same number yet Chanyeol number did change and they were on family plan. He was shaded with his Father in Law’s glare one day when he received a quite lengthy phone bill appearing in his email, surprised with long distance calls sided next to Chanyeol’s new number. He was only mad because accordingly there’s no reason for communication with the other side of the world and his mother was Chanyeol’s only family. That was when the secret video calling was put to an end instead they began exchanging letters to each other.

  He was kinda old-fashioned with it and she can send Chanyeol her sketches she did for her spare time. She never mailed them anywhere else but his old address. The paragraphs grew longer lengthening his poems into Cathedrals, sometimes he taped flower petals atop separate index postal cards, for “lightening” up his letters.

  Every single memory are kept all in the back of his mind, cherished more as years ran with time that never healed. He wondered if you still love like he does the same way when large knots stayed off your past relationship. A love like that lacks chance with distance and forced marriage keeping pairs apart. Some reminiscing the failed attempted all-nighters which resulted sleeping anywhere in the house. 

       .....

  He had found you laying your head on scattered papers with Korean Hangul on top the kitchen counter. He remembers how the sleeves on your sweater covered your palms like the messy hair web you used for a pillow he patted with his fingers and lowered his head closer.

  “There you go drooling pools again.” As if you had heard him in your sleep, you backhanded his forehead. Once you woke up you panic over the accidental smack asking a hysterical laughing Chanyeol three times if he was okay holding his bangs down. So many events spent together were inked down the letters also he grew rose buds on his cheeks whenever he read a flirty paragraph filled with passion. Your letters were worth waiting until evening reading them until finding himself staring the dark blue sky. Some nights spent the same routine different scriptions writing nightly over unknown months that only felt timeless until one day your letters responses suddenly stopped arriving.

       He remembers standing alone the room, straightening his tuxedo vest then scanning over his physique.

  ....

  His reflection his deep brown eyes he lifted the framed photo under the lamp on his bedside table. The photo was of you, him, and, his mother standing on top a bridge when a frisk misty weather seemed liked the perfect day for hiking. In the photo Chanyeol smiled like a beacon from cheek to cheek whereas showed the fat in his eye bags that you always loved. You too smiled widely from cheek to cheek while Chanyeol wrapped his arms around your middle, pulling you closer while resting his chin on his Mom’s shoulder. Like any committed pair, the hope was for life and the relationship meant a whole lot and Chanyeol knew that whenever you were together all he could think about was you. 

   Part of him thanked how you weren’t there to see him holding hands with someone who wasn’t you while another part thinking how cursed he felt having his new life with his new marriage entirely unplanned. The picture had also been taken during the time before his mother began feeling weak. He lifted his wet index finger off the glass before raising them to the bridge of his nose smudged smiles.

   The minute the wedding march began playing, guests rose from their seats for the bride to make her appearance. She looked as beautiful as she is always, even with no traditional wedding dress and all natural makeup. She stunned those of the same social class within seconds once again even Chanyeol was stunned. His fiancé held Chanyeol’s hand while signing the license and she felt warm like she was using her touch to thaw his, however his heart continued to feel frostbitten. He didn’t know if she was looking at him or if she could see the expression through his eyes, no one figured all that was happening was excessively hard for Chanyeol. He was learning well fighting his feelings keeping them hidden.

   Hours grew long once the reception officially ended, driving the SUV  into the darkest evening as he never turned away from the tinted SUV windows, though his brain clouded over the only person living in his heart. The one who wrote him beautiful castillo letters and rested her head above his shoulder for resting eyes. The one he now had to call past lover. He never tore himself away from thinking about you the entire limousine ride.

“That’s it that’s final.” He whispers aloud to himself rubbing his eyes. “Everything needs to stop, this time for good....you probably fell out of love with me Y/N.”

  ....

   Baekhyun finally puts the phone down and grips the ignition watching the red light hovered over you. You were driving to the movie theaters looking out the window at mystic wet weather. His cell phone kept ringing and he was doing his best to pay no mind at all. Anything as little as texting normally doesn’t bother you, but in South Korea texting and driving is certainly illegal and at the moment slightly more dangerous since morning news reported possible ice on the road, it got you worried. His phone chimed again and the conversation had been paused again to allow his thumbs continue skipping over the screen, luckily the car was stopped at a red light. 

  You look out the window the clouds are bunched up,  not a single speck of sun poking through, it was dull and moist from pre rainfall and the sky had three shades of gray above your heads. From dark gray, steel gray, and gainsboro gray. To you, this is a beautiful day since this sort of weather is your most favorite.      

“Sorry Y/N, this friend of mine needed advice on winning his blind date’s heart. I swear, texting isn’t in my daily driving routine but he won’t quit begging.”

  “That friend should shop for some shreds of patience for himself this Holiday season. Your life is too precious to waste in fatal car accidents.” Baekhyun chuckles, he missed your little concerns whenever the boys did something that doesn’t seem right especially when they consume too much energy drinks before work. 

  The rain kept coming and going since twilight, for the moment the rain stopped, the pavements are moist where pedestrians carried umbrellas around, some with children wearing brightly colored raincoats. He was still ears hungry about your rapid stardom success how the acting came off Broadway transitioning through the screen onto dramas and guest appearances on reality shows meeting stars through classes and mutuals. It’s like they’ll never get tired anytime soon even though you shared nearly everything your career worked on.

  The crosswalks you cruised around seemed familiar, just as much as the domain building turned your chin sideways when Baekhyun pulled into the parking spot.  “Baek, what are we doing here? Aren’t we meeting the guys at the movies?”

   He leaves the driving gear beside the ‘P’ label then the shaking stops in the passenger seat as Baekhyun tugs the keys out the ignition. He’s already waiting for you beside the entrance running his hands up and down his shivering arms soon after you quickly follow him in the cafe lobby, opening the bell ringing door. “We are, I just wanted something warm on the way. Also I need to use the restroom you go ahead and order whatever you want.”

   The line was short with only three people excluding the both of you, the place had more decorations with shiny garlands hung over the menu with ornaments on either ends and imitation snow fogging the windows from the inside. Few guests occupied the place and none of them seemed like they were rushing home. As the time was slowly fading into evening and the insane breezes made temperature drop lower minute by minute you were still rubbing your knees together to run out remaining chills shivering through your legs.

   Back over in Korea, the area still has quilts of heavy snow and revering winds, not as heavy as New York breezes though. You really enjoyed winter when it comes around as long you didn’t stay outside for too long. After ordering drinks and bags of chips you took a seat at the same table from last time beside the wall length windows. Aside from you and the few employees, across the room someone dressed in a seemingly cozy blazer stood at the other side of the room dressed neatly, tapping and fingers drawing over a tablet. He stood next to a table with  book bag and a the cell phone model laid across.

  As you rose up the chair to get your hot chocolate, your string looked brighter around your finger as did the small metallic beads below the knot. You began to wonder again, how would Chanyeol react seeing you wearing something he made himself with such meaning. Resembling fate and the love you had for each other, the tied knot that strengthened the promise of staying together.

   How many more memories are going to replay through your mind? All you have left are memories you shared with Chanyeol. The sky was no longer bright grey, now the foreground was dark enough to being nearly black. Heavy rainfall with occasional thunderstorms were looking scary standing outside getting soaked watching him fight with an umbrella.

 .... 

 “Oh my gosh, babe, can you hurry up? It’s cold.”

 “Don’t you see me going as fast as I can to get this damn button loose while my nads freezing themselves?” You did the most not allowing his attitude towards you bother too much that day cause you were reaching your point of being outside any longer. You liked cold weather but that doesn’t mean it’s okay to freeze to death. He wanted to walk through Central Park for the first beautiful spring weeks but maybe that day one of you should’ve checked the weather. Chanyeol determine to get the umbrella unstuck.

  His sleeves already drenched and water droplets hanging on his ears. A drop sped down his neck from his little baby hairs that then disappear under his sewn in hoodie. His hoodie that he probably forgot he had since he wasn’t raising over his head. You could feel your pants sticking against your thighs, your shoes started to feel flooded as the soles were squeaking.

  “Know what I’m walking inside the next nearest store. You sure you don’t want me to try?” He stops your hand reaching insisting him to try on his own. Just then black and gray swirls shot open with a pop to widen four eyes by surprise. The umbrella was open now. Chanyeol self cheers for fixing his umbrella without breaking it miraculously. Most hair on your heads curled and crunched up getting wetter by the minute. “There’s still three minutes for the bus jagiya, hold-shit!”

  The umbrella caused more problems when the shade turned inside out as wind started blowing. You released a high pitched yelp as the edges almost slapped you. Chanyeol holds the handle firmly so the umbrella would stay in them and he tries fixing another problem. “God damn it Y/N, that’s it! No more umbrellas from now on I’m using raincoats.”

  He tries fixing the umbrella again despite already getting more annoyed especially by simply standing outside during heavy rainfall getting more than soaking wet. The spokes screeched as they bumped against smooth polyester fingers pinching it as Chanyeol pressed knees held the stem. You wanted to help your boyfriend more than going inside shelter then.

“See?” Left hands at the base then lo and behold, the umbrella unfolds itself.

  “Ah! Thanks love, but we’re not shopping together anymore.” His cocky smirk felt like the ends of your hair tickling your chin when your head turn side to side. More water sprinkles upwards from the umbrella being flashed with top row of teeth before you Chanyeol bringing the smile closer.

“Really? That’s what you learned?”

  Still wet, the rain stopped over the spot and you couldn’t help the returning smile. One thing you learned that day was Park Chanyeol has had you feeling helpless with love and the skys the limit.

 ....

You shake the memories out of your head and turn to the clock checking the time. You gaze towards the hall down to the restroom, thinking what was taking him so long to use the restroom? Glancing over towards the corridor that lead the restroom while combing a curtain of your hair back. 

 ....

  His palms molded onto yours warm against creases and prints on each other you squeeze his hand  intertwined with your fingers. One second before either of you knew it, you’re walking slowly backwards, indulging on the deepening kiss, bringing locked hands close to the chest. Chanyeol held you against the wall he knew you would miss the softness of him though with him leaning into your hand like leaving longning traces of his skin. He knew you’d miss him caressing half-circles over your temples, escaping mewls leaving him blush red, his eyes burning out trails that were cut short by your thumb brushing them away. He only once slightly lifts his eyelids before fluttering them shut, using his fingers to sooth the curve on the back of your head before tangling messily in your hair. You pull away and let him lean his forehead against yours breathing for air.

 Chanyeol’s eyebrows knitted together acknowledging how much you would miss any more from him now that all of Chanyeol would no longer be yours.  

“I’m sorry.” He ghosts your lips. “I really am sorry.”

  You laid on top of your bed, listening to the similar rhythmic thumping sound while resting against Chanyeol’s chest both hugging each other’s middle tight steaming skin under the fabric of your thermal blanket.

  An unbearable pain forms in the back of your throat and right down the middle of your chest looking out the raindrops on the window. Everything around you was still, vehicles honking were inaudible through the glass windows with some tires burning. Darker shades above the sky seemed like rain would start falling soon, admiring the scene outside, trying to block the flashbacks out, holding the chairs’ back.You picked up the pace from the table to the restroom urgently. Where was your mind when the emotions in your heart are taking all control?

....

  He was messing with a lock of your hair closing and opening his eyes, there was nothing good enough to calm him down besides the position at the moment. Sleep skipped your apartment at the time, instead the moon hovered in front of a dark blue sky shining through the window. Both you thanked heavens no one else knew any of your whereabouts even with how wrong it was.

“Why won’t you say it?” He murmurs onto your forehead and you say in shortcut breaths. “I want to Yeolie…”

 “Are you okay?” Could everything be one hundred percent sure, despite standing centimeters away from you right after accidentally bumping into his side and leaving him soaked. Your feet are rooted down onto the spot holding you still.

   His mouth opens and closes like there was something he had been wanting to say. He was reflecting the same image you’re portraying wide eyed, forgetting the spill. Something wanting to come out when there are really no words. The light illuminated over his entire figure towering over you, re-enacting how high you lifted your chin to look at him. The gloss in his eyes made him seem like he was on the brink of tears and so were you.

You inhale deeply, “Chanyeol.”

“Do I know you?”

....

But you’re not mine anymore.

[molovesvintage]

4 May 2017

It’s rare that I sleep well in hostels, so despite the comfy beds of Hostel bedgasm and the bleariness of 3 cocktails at New York Bar the previous night, I was dressed and out the door before 10 am, ready for my second day in Tokyo.

When I travel, I strive to make my excursions well-rounded, a good balance of famous sites and local haunts. Tokyo has countless museums, documenting anything you could imagine, and so I wanted to go to at least one during my brief stay. For this first visit I picked the Tokyo National Museum, which turned out to be a great choice. It’s a huge museum, and the main collection is filled with every cultural Japanese artifact you could imagine: samurai swords, tea and sake containers, Buddhist art, textiles and kimonos. It’s a great jumping-off point to Japanese culture, and although I’ve been in Japan now for 6 months I found it really valuable to see some history of this place I’ve been calling home. I especially enjoyed the kimonos, a garment I find endlessly fascinating, and the intricate, delicate gold leaf work on lacquer boxes and cabinets. Plus, the museum is cheap at only ¥600 (¥400 with student discount) and is located in leafy Ueno park, which was crowded with families for the Golden Week holiday period when I visited.

Grand staircases in the Tokyo National Museum

Leafy Ueno Park

From the museum I walked through the park and over to Yanaka, an older area of Tokyo that is less metropolitan and has a more nostalgic, old town atmosphere. Yanaka is filled with cafes and shops from the 1930’s and 40’s, new art galleries and workshops, and old temples. Needless to say I loved exploring this neighborhood, but I was sad that the line for a vintage coffee shop I wanted to stop at was just too long for me and that a lot of galleries were closed for the holiday period. I did however, enjoy a peek inside Yanaka Cemetery, a vast necropolis where a lot of notable Tokyo residents have been laid to rest and which boasts some impressive carved tombstones! But the most famous part of Yanaka is Yanaka Ginza, a narrow shopping street crammed with stalls and shops and brimming with shitamachi, “old town” ambiance. That day, it was crowded with tourists, but still fun to see, and there were still lots of local characters about, eating yakitori and drinking beer on milk crates next to the stalls.

Old-time Japanese snack shop in Yanaka

Looking down on Yanaka Ginza

By this time, it was mid afternoon, and I was actually pretty tired from walking nonstop in the sun for the past several hours, so I went back to my hostel for a rest. My hostel in Tokyo, Hostel bedgasm, was amazing, and a new favorite of mine. The beds were comfy, the location was good, and the price was reasonable, but what really makes a hostel for me is the staff, and the three hostel owners, a Japanese guy, a Korean guy, and a Thai girl, are all amazing good people. You can see the love they have put into this place and how dedicated they are to their business. The best hostels usually have a good common place to hang out and meet folks, so after my rest I went down to the hostel bar/lounge, and spent the next few hours drinking and making friends with the owners and other travelers. Luckily, I found a few other folks, an Australian guy and a German guy, who were just as keen for exploration as me, and around 22:00 we headed out into the night to see what kind of trouble we could get ourselves into.

High on my list of things to see was Golden Gai, aka Piss Alley, a uniquely Japanese nightlife spot. Golden Gai consists of a network of tiny alleys with tiny bars, all with a different theme or vibe going on. Some are locals-only, and most charge a cover fee, but we managed to stumble upon Asyl, an amazing whiskey bar located up a narrow flight of stairs with no cover. Abe-Chan, the eccentric proprietor, is passionate about whiskey and music, and his bar is low-key and funky, with graffiti covering the walls. We each described to him what kind of whiskey we liked, fruity for the German, smoky for the Australian, and bourbon for me, and from the array of bottles on the bar he picked a different local, small label for us to try. His taste was spot-on; that whiskey was some of the best I’ve ever had! The bar sat 6 people at most, and besides us there were also 2 other Americans gents that we chatted with.

Possibly the best whiskey of my life

Abe-Chan doing his thing at Asyl whiskey bar

In Tokyo, the last train is at midnight, so if you have a Cinderella moment and miss it you have two options: take an expensive cab home or stay out all night. It was 1:30 when we left Golden Gai, so clearly our choice had been made for us, and we talked the Americans into going clubbing with us. We went to Womb, a famous Tokyo nightclub, which probably is amazing on a weekend but on a Thursday night in Golden Week was a bit strange. While there were Japanese folks there, clearly the locals were staying away that week, and the crowd was mostly foreigner, with a lot of people standing around, not dancing. I really don’t go to clubs that often (I can probably count the total amount on one hand), but the only reason I would go is to dance, and miraculously I found myself with 4 straight Western guys who felt the same. Fuck it, your fun is what you make yourself, so even if everyone else was going to be lame, our crew danced up a storm and took over the basement dance floor where an amazing girl Japanese DJ was spinning some house and electronic music. When we stumbled out at closing time, 4:30, we were amazed to see the sky growing light over the city. We had some ramen, as you do after staying out all night, and took the first train back to the hostel, where I threw myself into my bunk for a glorified nap before checkout in 5 hours.

Next time, Day 3: Vintage stores and cafes, the madness of Harajuku, and the elegance of Omotesando.

Happy Travels,

Mo

Tokyo at 6:00 am.

    3 Days in Tokyo, Day 2 4 May 2017 It's rare that I sleep well in hostels, so despite the comfy beds of Hostel bedgasm and the bleariness of 3 cocktails at New York Bar the…