#and then when you take the overflowing queer couples in the side lines

[biandanxious18]

i just finished good omens season 2 and honestly i feel betrayed. i was really enjoying it but after the last episode or so i think i have never before seen such cheapening of characters and plots and themes and just. everything really.

i feel mocked and laughed at as an spectator. i feel like everything i cherished, everything that was meaningful about this story was thrown away in a way that says i was a fool for ever wanting it, ever caring about it. in a way that says “isn’t this what you wanted? have it your way! it sucks!”

[gascon-en-exil]

Lords and their Knights: When FE Chivalry Goes Gay

@mwritesink prompted me to write about my favorite tropes in FE and how they evolved over the course of the series. I already crossed a few others off in an earlier post, but this one is a particular favorite of mine where M/M romance in this series is concerned and one I felt had enough examples to constitute a piece of its own. Let it not be said that this is merely the gay variation on the well-worn heterosexual romance trope of a lady and her knight (ex. Eirika/Seth), because negotiating the fundamental power imbalance in this type of relationship takes on different dimensions when both parties are male. I draw a closer comparison to courtly love, which in the traditional sense is also socially transgressive (being adulterous) and not consummated via marriage or other public means...which in FE terms means an S support and possibly a eugenics baby. A vassal in love with his lord rather than his lord’s wife is not only cutting the female intermediary out of what can already be a very homoromatic scenario, but it’s directly tangling together a kind of martial romantic love and ideas about what knighthood/vassalage even is or ought to be - two topics FE loves to explore. I’ve therefore compiled a few of the most notable examples of this trope across the series to talk about in more detail, because if one is willing to be liberal with subtext there’s surprisingly quite a few to pick from.

(And yeah, this is also in part because I like hot rich men who take orders, and this series already has plenty of gay or otherwise ambiguously non-straight mages, thieves, archers, and their ilk without my help.)

The Sad Gay Knight: Quan/Finn

This one I’ve talked about before in a fair amount of depth, from my hopes for how a Genealogy remake will treat Finn to speculation on just what Quan got out of this relationship besides a devoted retainer and (we may assume) a nice piece of ass. The summary here is that Finn’s love for Quan supersedes anything he’s shown to feel for any of the various women he can hook up with and quite frankly astonishes in its ramifications for the future of Leonster and Thracia as a whole. It’s poignant, adulterous (but Ethlyn’s probably ok with it?), and messy as all hell once you factor in whatever’s up with Glade and whatever Lachesis wasn’t feeling about the whole situation. It is also, naturally, very sad; Finn loses his lord when he’s only around eighteen, and with their kingdom collapsing around him and the entire continent consumed by war he dedicates the next twenty years of his life to raising Quan’s son to be the king Quan himself had wanted to be. And for all his labor he apparently derives no lasting satisfaction, spending his epilogue wandering around the Yied desert and at last returning only to (possibly) pen the history he’s helped to make. 

Finn is the embodiment of knighthood loyal unto and beyond death, and that paired with all the romantic and erotic subtext surrounding the two of them - Finn as Quan’s treasured favorite, his catatonia after Yied, the obsessive polishing of the brave lance that Quan gave to him, his inability to satisfy women in some vague way - makes them the defining example of this trope in Fire Emblem. I look forward to seeing how remakes will handle them; Finn’s presentation in Heroes is definitely cause for hope there. As for the issue of yet another story in media of gay men beset by tragedy and death, I did draw up a long headcanon on the technically crack pairing of Diarmuid/Tristan that specifically plays into the lord and knight trope while also allowing Finn a chance to pass his experiences on to a later, happier generation. IS is free to take notes, just saying.

Pretty Blond Twinks and the Men Who Love Them: Perceval/Elffin and their lasting influence

Moving on from Jugdral, I’ve got to say that I’ve really been sleeping on the original gay Elibean duo. Before Raven and Lucius (but chronologically after, because these games are out of order) there was another feminine young man with long blond hair beloved of a severe-looking warrior. Binding Blade gives us the bard Elffin, who in another life was Etruria’s Prince Mildain and Perceval’s liege. The Knight General takes Mildain’s alleged accidental death about as well as Finn takes the death of his lord and lady; he turns grim and humorless, and without a dying dream to guide him he follows the command of the corrupt revolutionary faction of Etruria with little protest. It takes learning that Mildain is alive and in Roy’s army for Perceval to drop the halfhearted Camus routine and switch sides, and the strength of his fealty not to his nation or even to his king but to the prince he’d thought dead is absolutely touching in the moment not to mention incredibly useful since the guy is one of FE6′s best units. 

Binding Blade doesn’t give anyone but Roy and his harem paired endings, but there’s still a fair bit to be gleaned from their support lines, both what is in them and what isn’t. Perceval and Elffin each have supports with women, but nothing remotely romantic - Perceval’s support with Larum is particularly amusing since he clarifies that her, ahem, dancing does nothing for him. Also worth noting is that neither of them can support with Clarine, even though one would think they’d make fine romantic choices for her given their statuses and physical resemblances to her beloved brother. Their own support line is quietly intimate. Elffin has changed since his near-death experience, and Perceval is still struggling to accept that their relationship can’t be as it was, that in fact for the time being they can’t now be a knight and his prince. Perceval also frets over Elffin’s refusal to see his father the king, and he later extracts a promise from Elffin to come home to Etruria after he’s done traveling the world as a bard, in one of the series’s several instances of writing what sounds like a marriage proposal in ambiguous terms. Per Elffin’s ending, he’s only gone for a few months after the war, so their promised reunion isn’t long delayed. I’m interested to see what a remake would add to their relationship, because as it stands Perceval/Elffin has an established romance arc that deserves a paired ending or at the very least more suggestive epilogues.

Further compounding their underrated signficance, it’s not too difficult to trace a line from Perceval/Elffin to a number of other M/M pairings in the two later GBA games and in Tellius that present some variation on this theme:

As mentioned above, Raven/Lucius is physically similar and performs a nearly identical gameplay function, with the pretty blond waif again responsible for recruiting his surly but protective boyfriend from the ranks of the enemy. 

Gerik/Joshua meanwhile borrows the character of the end of their support line and turns it into a genuine paired ending, with a prince incognito recruiting a swordsman to come work for him. They being who they are however, it’s all handled a bit rougher, with Gerik being impressed by Joshua’s “swagger.” Take that as you will.

Ike/Soren may be the defining seme/uke dynamic in Tellius’s overflowing fount of queer subtext, but Tibarn/Reyson smashes that trope together with this one and FE’s power couple unit archetype plus a dash of whatever the avian equivalent of furries is for wholly unique results. Although both of them are technically royalty, only Reyson is a prince by heredity whereas Tibarn presumably became king of Phoenicis by beating the crap out of any rival contenders as most laguz prefer to do. One can therefore read shades of a courtly relationship in Tibarn’s decision to zealously take up the cause of justice for the Serenes massacre in Reyson’s place. Combine this with Reyson’s characteristic edge that even Tibarn is forced to rein in at times and their relationship comes off as surprisingly more egalitarian than the sum of its parts. Oh yeah, and blond waif dancer + premade OP unit with ludicrous physical stats and movement again.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the conflict of the Tellius games Zelgius -> Sephiran explores what would happen if a gay Camus archetype chose instead to dedicate himself to an antagonistic lord. Sure, you can still recruit Sephiran via a convoluted and unintuitive process, but Zelgius is doomed no matter what.   

They Can Say It, But They Can’t Do It: Awakening and Fates

Ugh. If I must....

I’ve made no secret of my ambivalence toward FE13 dragging the series into open acknowledgement that same-sex attraction is a thing that exists, handled as it was with a lot of explicit homoerotic denial and an assortment of cheap gay panic jokes and...whatever the hell Victor and Vincent are supposed to be. Chrom/Frederick, hot though it may potentially be in fanon, is one of those jokes, making a parody out of a knight enamored of his lord and leaving it to mean absolutely nothing since Awakening’s relationship endgame is invariably S supports for time traveling eugenics babies. FE has taken cracks at the overly dedicated knight before - see just about everything involving Kieran from Tellius, up to and including his overzealous devotion to his superior officer - but Awakening plumbs the depths of Frederick expecting Chrom’s nude image to raise the army’s morale. Just..what do you even say to that, apart from the awkward sputtering that comprises most of their support line?

FE14, for all its stumbling steps toward something less completely offensive, fares little better in this particular regard. Leo/Niles is a deeply troubled albeit thought-provoking callback to the subtextual lord/knight relationship, one where it’s hard to imagine them finding a healthy way to navigate the power differential. Then there’s Ryoma/Saizo. It’s nothing special in localization, but the never-localized festival DLC involves Saizo’s ardent desire to warm Ryoma’s clothing in his cleavage. That sounds like absolutely normal behavior for a servant and not a rehash of Frederick’s shenanigans, uh huh. Fates may indeed be said to be slightly better about playing palpable homoerotic tension for drama rather than comedy...but only slightly.

Paving the Way for an OT3: The Deliverance

This is, incidentally, yet another reason to appreciate Echoes for doing so much to redeem the 3DS games in the realm of (male) queer content. Yes, there’s a large and unaddressed divide between the openly gay and very modern Leon and the heavily subtextual faux-historical queerness of the Deliverance, but taken independently the two presentations work for what they’re each separately aiming to be. Among Clive’s gay entourage are not one but two men who’d dearly love to be the knight to his lord, and Forsyth’s strong desire to put Clive on a pedestal evokes the earlier spoofs of this kind of relationship precisely because Forsyth is that kind of vassal, the kind that would read Ribald Tales of the Faith War and cry like a heavily erect virgin bottom getting his first taste of dick at the brief interludes of tender manly love between Quan and Finn. He’s played for comedy just as much as Kieran or Frederick are, and yet Echoes comes across as less down on the concept as a whole for several reasons, being that

1) Python’s snark over Forsyth’s attraction to both Clive and Lukas is genuinely funny, much more so than when it’s the object of these affections quietly groaning his way through them,

2) Lukas is also there, and his desire to be Clive’s beloved knight is not played for comedy at all but is allowed to be unrealistic and unsatisfying because Clive will never get it,

3) everyone wants to screw Clive for some reason, not just his subordinates but also his sister and the estranged BFF who dies in his arms...and the guy is shown to be unworthy of all of them, and

4) all the characters involved are allowed other avenues for romantic attraction outside of a lord who’s just not that into them. Forsyth has Python, Lukas has both of them as friends and possibly more later, Clair has Gray (...at least he’s not her brother?), and Fernand has a bad rebound that goes to hell in the manner of Zelgius and Sephiran but at least ends with him getting to reconcile with his former friend before he dies. 

The setup for the Deliverance’s overarching queerness is a bit strange as it rests on all these characters somehow finding Clive attractive, but nonetheless it makes for an unexpected and refreshing critique of the lord and knight trope, given a situation where the lord just isn’t that into it and in fact doesn’t seem to realize that he can be into it. It’s a good reminder that this isn’t a particularly good dynamic for a stable and lasting relationship, and that as hot as it can be it takes more than impassioned one-way devotion to make it work in the long term.

The good news if you’re into this kind of relationship like I am is that it’s a trope with some life in it yet. Echoes came at it strong, and prerelease information on Three Houses suggests a few possibilities for this dynamic in that game. I’m especially keeping my eye on Dimitri and Dedue, whose relationship appears to contain echoes of the original duo of Quan and Finn. I highly doubt there will be anything on the level of S supports acknowledging this type of attraction, but I’ll settle for some suggestive A supports.

[hillbillyoracle]

Why I haven’t been posting lately...

I’m putting what I wrote for a reddit post warning people away from my landlord beneath a cut. It’s been pretty hellish and I’ve been scared/nervous to talk about it but I want people to know what’s going on isn’t small. 

In addition to what I wrote below, we realized the stairs aren’t well constructed after I fell down half a flight of them on Monday evening - in bare feet (no socks) on hardwood flooring. The ledges bend in different directions and I slipped/tripped on one that wasn’t level. The whole right side of my body is a series of black and purple bruises, my feet and hands got scraped up by baseboards that didn’t seem to get sanded. I’m still recovering. 

More below the cut:

TL;DR: What we’ve dealt with since moving into a [landlord redacted] place:

- They were hard to get a hold of and now they won’t respond at all

- Multiple code violations they either didn’t fix or placed the onus on us to arrange for

- Zip Code is wrong on the lease which made getting our drivers licenses and such a pain

- Charged us for rent we already paid multiple times; put notice on door

- Charged us for HOA fees incurred before we moved in

- Maintenance guy is incredibly incompetent and condescending

- They’ve failed to do anything about the roach infestation

- They started up a construction project next door that’s active 12 hours a day

Other than what we’ve seen personally:

- They have code violations on record with the city

- The owner's twitter features the line “It’s all about whose ox is getting gored” - guess his tenants are the ox.

- He weirdly almost gloats about kicking people out and upcharging the next tenants

More Info:

We had to move very quickly and weren’t able to research places as well as we would have liked. So I’m writing this to make it easier for other folks to know what they’re getting into with them. If you’re okay with all of this, then by all means, I support you renting from them. But it was certainly too much for us and I wanted to spare other folks what I could.

I’m actually afraid to share this as I wouldn’t put it past them to be retaliatory, to make a up a reason to kick us out over being more public about what they’ve done. Tried to put it on a throwaway but alas.

I think the best summary of both [landlord’s] property and their service is what my partner said - “It’s not really living, it’s surviving, and that’s not really what I look for in a home.”

So many things have gone wrong at this place that I’m going to go thematically rather than chronologically. Which is wild given that we’ve only been living in the place for three months.

The workmanship in this place is horrible. There are shelves falling out of the wall. The dishwasher leaked and then the maintenance guy “fixed it” by having it overflow through the sink which leaves a bunch of crud in it. They didn’t even both trying to make the basement floor remotely level so our washer and dryer are on stilts – the best fix we can manage right now. Every now and then they come off them and rock around which I’m sure isn’t great for the machine.

They got the zip code wrong on the lease which has caused problems trying to get identifying documents switched over and other things switched over. Small but important. Since they’re nigh impossible to contact (see further down) we’ve mostly not bothered trying to get this sorted with them but it’s been a real pain.

When we moved in, we paid 6 months ahead. A mistake, yes, we know. But they kept trying to charge us for rent we’d already paid. We contacted them three times about the charges on the account and still they packing taped a failure to pay rent notice on our door.

They’ve continually tried to charge us for things we do not have to pay. They tried to charge us for a fee they incurred before we moved in and when we pointed it out to them they did not apologize. The second time they did it they didn’t contact us at all and we had to repeatedly check to see if it’d been removed.

We figured out this was because the yard crew kept pulling our trash can out and not putting it back so we asked them to stop yard services - which we never signed up for. We had to ask them 4 separate times and even then we only got them stopped when we paid for a lock and put it on the back gate and the mower came to talk with us.

The maintenance guy is not only very incompetent but completely condescending. He was two hours late and gave no heads up. I had to call to get any updates. When I tried talking to him about it when he arrived, he walked in essentially said that he’d done nothing wrong and walked away while I was in the middle of a sentence. He would not tell me what was going on and flat out ignored my questions. Our dog is epileptic and was getting nervous with all the strangers and loud noises so I decided to take him away from the apartment for a while. I tried to find the man and again was ignored. Once he realized I’d left he called to yell at me for leaving.

When we moved in they pointed out that they were aware that the basement electrical outlets were not up to code and gave us a number of an electrician to call. We called him and never heard back. Our basement is still not up to code.

They also pointed out they knew our backyard was a flood risk and said they’d be sending someone to fix that. They never have. It’s basically a pond out there when it rains and it’s filled with mosquitos.

We asked about bugs well before we moved in. We were assured they’d send someone to spray. We contacted them multiple times about it. They eventually sent their maintenance guy who left us with a couple roach traps and some spray that did nothing. Our kitchen, even after a month of keeping everything spotless is still infested. He said that the root of the problem was the abandoned house next door and he couldn’t do anything about it.

We found out two days later that the house was not abandoned and they owned it so they could do something about it. Because they began very very loud construction without any notice, construction that was happening for 11 hours a day. When we contacted them initially, they were very condescending, saying it was just because it’d been unoccupied for a while and we weren’t used to the noise (we’ve both lived in shared housing for almost a decade at this point) but said that they’d limit the hours to business hours Monday – Friday. But then without contacting us further and ignoring all our calls and emails – they continued to work 11-12 hours a day. I still cannot understand why they promised it at all and then turned around and go against it. It’s just spiteful.

They’ve ignored all of our emails for 2 weeks straight. We cannot get in contact with them.

A person we’ve never interacted with from their company called us to ask about our dishwasher, meanwhile they’d ignored 5-6 emails we’d sent trying to get more information about what was happening. What a blatant way to say we don’t care about you, just our property.

I am disabled, I do what work I can out of my home and my partner works from home several days a week. This has forced me to basically live somewhere else in order to sustain any kind of income and has taken a major toll on my health. Even if I did have a 9-5 job, I’d still be dealing with this an hour before and two to three hours afterward. When I am at the house I’m getting up early and staying out late just to not have to deal with the noise.

In trying to find out what I could about them more recently, I found that they have at least one code violation they were found guilty of and had to pay the city.

We also found that the owner of the company has a twitter in which he kind of weirdly gloats about kicking people out of their homes and doing very little work so that he can charge people more money. His bio features the line “It’s all about who’s ox is getting gored” – guess the ox are his tenants. I’m now very very skeptical of his “trouble tenants” as I wonder if they didn’t refuse to pay for a place he wouldn’t fix and he kicked them out, “upgraded” the place, and upcharged the next tenants. He brands himself as an entrepreneur and adding value but I can tell you this house is made to sell, not to sustain actual human life in them.

A warning to women and queer people: I would especially advise women and queer people away from this company. They’ve been really weird about my partner and I living together. We told them when we moved in we were a couple and yet weirdly we just get referred to as roommates or just grouped together under “ladies”. It’s really uncomfortable. With the maintenance guy being as patronizing and horrible as he was, I wouldn’t want another woman to have to go through that but it’s whatever you’re comfortable with in the end I suppose.

So that’s what I’d want people to know about doing business with [landlord]. More power to you if you want to but I would never ever recommend them to anyone.

If you know of anything we can do about this, let me know but I'm not hopeful.

Editing to Add Some Pictures

We could post a lot more but I feel like these sum it up for right now: https://imgur.com/a/uzXQPzM

[babyandprincessddlgblog]

Long Distance Relationships

So you want to know more about long distance relationships...

Well, for starters, they’re not easy. They take a lot of work, diligence, time commitments, compromising, and patience. They test you in many ways, and sometimes leave you feeling alone even though you have someone.

Long distance relationships are not for everyone, and they certainly are not something to toy with, because a partners feelings are on the line. Take me and Princess for example: Princess needs that one on one relationship, the closeness, the physical touch, the sexual release of being a submissive for a dom in person. However she is also willing to make a several hour drive to see her partner, no matter the circumstances.

Baby on the other hand, is willing to have a long distance relationship (or in her current situation a long distance queer-platonic relationship), and work with her dom in order to have that bond even though the distance does not always physical meetings.

How do I know a long distance relationship is right for me, then?

Answer me this:

Are you fully prepared to go months, or maybe even a year or more without physically being near your partner?

Can you handle when they are unavailable, that you can’t always talk to them?

Do you have the time, or are you willing to make time even if your day is absolutely overflowing with tasks, to talk to them and love them and encourage them?

Do you have the discipline to save money for gas, plane tickets, and hotel rooms just to see them for a few hours or if you’re lucky a few days?

Can you go long amounts of time and remain loyal to them emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually?

Are you able to handle not being able to touch them, hold their hand, kiss their lips, play with their hair, and overall do what every other couple does?

I think I can do all those things... So what do I do?

You have a few options depending on your current situation. Maybe you’re talking to a potential dom, and you want to test the waters. Maybe you’re a single sub and you want to be actively searching. Maybe you want to be involved in the community and not worry about it. Regardless, here are a few tips for any circumstance you may be in.

1. I’m single, I like it, I just want to freely express my kinky side.

Wonderful! You know what you want and there’s a simple answer to this:

Munches. Play parties. Teaching opportunities.

Basically, there’s a website called Fetlife that has an “Events” page that shows any and all kinky events in your area. Looking for a rope class? They’ve got the link. Maybe you want to play? There’s the info on Fet. A casual pizza place munch? You bet!

By getting out into your local community, you can build up your knowledge and express yourself freely, without worrying about a commitment.

2. I want to be actively searching for a dom, but like, how??

Have no fear, Baby is here! I’ve used essentially the majority of platforms available to us kinksters to seek out true doms who want to have a great relationship with a sub. You name it, I’ve tried it: Tinder, Fet, Tumblr matchmaking blogs, straight up following doms and trying to court them (sorry GPD lolz).

Here are my tried and true reviews:

Tinder: Listen, you’re literally gonna get like 500+ fuckboys. That’s what Tinder is for. HOWEVER!! I have a hack to weed through them. Simply put a point of outside contact that isn’t your phone number (and a platform where you can block people). I use kik, so I simply put my kik username in my bio. If they’re really looking at each person individually, they’ll contact you. Most of the guys I get are total douchebags, yes, but don’t be afraid of that block button.

But, I did find Daddy through kik. He messaged me by chance when I wasn’t even looking for a dom, and we clicked, and a whole year later here we are still in a healthy cg/l dynamic with each other.

Fetlife: Basically Tinder for guys who want to be called “daddy”. You’re gonna get weirder dudes on here, but you have a bit higher of a chance to find a suitable dom. Princess found the dom she is in a dynamic with through Fet, then Tinder, then Bumble, and now they’re officially a thing.

Tumblr Matchmaking Blogs: STAY FAR AWAY FROM THESE!! The only good thing that comes from these blogs is there’s a bunch of pedophiles in one place to automatically report and block. There might be one or two diamonds in the rough, but trust me it’s not worth it. It’s mostly underage children and creepy old dudes. Just report the blogs and move on.

Tumblr Dom Blogs: These can be good, if you’re able to identify the real ones from the fake ones. A ton of “dominants” run these, and very few are actually in the community with good intentions. I’ve been looking for 3 years and I’ve only found a handful of good blogs ( @mistersbeard​ / @lovemysub​ are my favorites because they’re educational and fun). So, I mean, you can talk to doms on Tumblr, sure, but be careful and know how to identify them first.

Most Importantly: DO. NOT. GO. LOOKING. FOR. A. DOM. IF. YOU’RE. A. NEW. SUB.

I cannot stress this enough, and if you’re like me you’ll be like “lolz, literally nothing will happen, I’m a smart cookie, I can handle-” No. Seriously, this spells trouble and it will leave you a hurt little subby in the end. Learn, grow, gain experience in a safe environment, don’t think the BDSM porn is accurate (it’s not), practice consent, use safewords, and above all don’t rush into anything. A d/s relationship takes time and energy, put in a ton of both before even calling anything a relationship.

3. I have someone I’m considering to be my dom, but I don’t know how to approach it.

Something I learned that has saved me a ton of grief, is to use the consideration phase to your advantage. Essentially, don’t commit, but play into the dynamic between the person you’re considering.

Let’s say you need some help drinking more water. Talk to the dom you’re interested in about introducing a rule to better yourself. Discuss every detail of it. How much water? How many times a day? What if you don’t meet the quota? What if you break the rule and have coffee? Etc. Etc. Etc. Establish a couple low level punishments if that’s your thing. Then when you’re both comfortable, add another rule, add some rewards, add some more dynamics.

When you both feel like you want to commit a couple months, or even years, later, go for it.

A consideration phase makes everything less stressful. There’s no full submission yet unless you choose it. It’s all in your control, which it always should be, and you can shut it all down with the snap of a finger if you don’t feel comfortable.

The most important unspoken rules of LDR’s:

1. Make time for one another. Don’t send just a couple quick texts a day, a goodnight video, and call it good. Actually make time, even if you’re walking the dog or making dinner, to share little tidbits and make it feel like you’re together.

2. Send everything! Pictures, videos, emojis, gifs, stickers. Send a letter, and email, video chat, plan a day trip (if the proximity allows). Send them things that remind you of them. Discuss big things, small things, and in-between things. Make each other feel like you’re right there, but also maintain the responsibility you have to maintain.

3. Things can be sexual, or not, it’s your control. Feeling pressured to send some tit pics? Stand your ground and refuse. Feeling frisky and want to play? Discuss it and see if you can both do so/are comfortable.

4. It’s hard. Like, really hard. You love this other being so much and you just want to be near them and give them the world and that’s not always possible. But cherish every little second you get to spend with them, in person or online.

5. Be patient, and appreciate everything you give and receive. What you have is special, and it should be treated as such. It’s not everyday that you build a unique bond with someone.

Finally, a word from Daddy A:

It strengthens the emotional and mental sides greatly, but the lack of contact does suck. Essentially, a sub can be with another dominant to fulfill that, if their main is alright with it, but it goes beyond sexual release, as some may assume when looking at any format of bdsm.

The LG/DD dynamic has a bigger focus on protection and comfort by and large. We wish for our submissives to be perfectly fine with us, and thus, give us their submission. In turn, we provide the support, the nurturing and protection they desire.

Sexuality isn't inherently a part of the dynamic, but once you've become so familiar with someone, it's hard to separate into something more casual. You don't want to be spanked, you want to be spanked by your dominant.

How I see it, the distance definitely makes the bond so much stronger, leading to when you finally meet in person being a grand thing. However, it does not mean it's for everyone. You gotta be ready for the stretches of time, the worry, the anxiety and personal issues. Patience is big and openness is necessary.

On top of that, when you do possibly meet, be ready for it to not be a scene right away. Sometimes it'll just be grabbing lunch, maybe something tame where you aren't always in the head space. But, sometimes that's enough; just that, whatever it is, is what you both need to reassure that it's real and can grow. It won't be a sexual release, but both can breathe easier.

Expectations have to be tempered. Maybe you don't have a private place, maybe someone is nervous.

Even without it being a scene, the two could be huge dorks and walk past each other at a theme park despite dying to be beside the other.

[pen-masta]

Let’s Play Pretend Part 4

[Prologue]  1   2   3   4  5 

As they walk down the sidewalk to the festival with their hands intertwined swinging between them, his heart is racing as if he were running a marathon. His mind has been a whirlpool of worries, anxieties, and an infinite amount of horrendous imaginary scenarios which all have the probability of one in quadrillion chance of happening. 

Joy is smiling and swinging their arms as she skips and hums along to a clumsy version of…well he can’t really recognize what she’s humming. She is so excited and relaxed and calm, everything he’s not. She doesn’t see the risk in this game they are about to play, this ruse, this this facade they are about to put on. No, she just sees it as another one of her drama club plays. It was actually quite comical getting ready this morning. Listening to her plan out her “character”.

“Joy you’re just you,” he chuckled as he made them coffee.

“But what is my motivation?” She smirked putting her earrings in.

He smiled, “Um…you’re a pretend girlfriend…?”

“Where am I from? Am I foreign?”

“Joy come on now,” he shook his head filling two mugs with the hot brown lava. “You’re just you.”

“These are legitimate questions that an actor must ask before a performance,” she deadpanned.

He rolled his eyes and sighed, “Alright well you are going to school in Georgia, you are an art student and your name is Joy.”

“Can I be foreign?” She beamed and bounced on her toes, “I’ve always wanted to have an accent!”

“You don’t do accents well Jo-jo,” he grinned and took out the coffee creamer from the fridge. “And plus Nathan already met you, don’t you think it’d raise some questions if you suddenly changed nationalities?”

“You’re looking too much into it Cassie,” she waved her hand dismissively before her eyes grew wide. “Ooooo! What if I had an French accent!”

“Why french?” 

“I’ve always loved the way your mom sounded with her french accent,” Joy sais thoughtfully. “And plus you speak french so we could say that’s what started the conversation!”

He gave her a puzzled look to which she huffed and rolled her eyes, “Common ground Cassie.”

“Joy no you are you,” he said firmly.

“But I can do it! I even know the slang!” She smiled, “Oui Oui mon mo-i-tee.” She said butchering the word in a horrendous french accent that made his skin crawl.

“Mon moitié,” he corrected.

“It es a beautiful mec out today.”

“You’re not using mec correctly,” he smirked. “And it’s est not es.”

“Un patin es charmantee!” She said passionately

He snorted, “It’s esta, the word is charmant, and I’m positive you have no idea what un patin means.”

“Je pe-x par-lor fran-say,” she said and flipped her short hair with her hand.

“Ok I know you have absolutely no idea what you are saying, nor how to properly pronounce the words. You are murdering the language with a somewhat french accent so you can sound like you know french,” he smiled at her. “Give it up kid.”

She narrowed her eyes and pouted, “You’re crushing my creativity.”

He rolled his eyes, “Jo-jo I’m nervous enough for this as it is,” his smile faded. “I need to know you’ll take this seriously.”

Her mock irritation melted as she frowned, “Cassie I am taking this seriously.” She put her hand on his on the table, “I was just trying to lighten the mood was all.”

He smiled a little and squeezed her hand, which caused her lips to curl upward. She squeezed his hand back to reassure him that she was on his side.

“Just keep it simple, please?” He asked

She smiled, “I promise with KISS.” When he gave her a puzzled look she followed up with, “KISS, Keep It Simple Silly.

He laughed and relaxed into her reassurance that they’d make it through today as a bonafide couple.

But that reassurance is fading fast as they grow closer to the park.

His stomach is in knots, the rationale part of him is not wanting to do this at all. Rationale Castel is screaming all kinds of red alerts and warnings, seeing how this could conclude in life-ending flames. However, Irrational Castel has a much louder voice right now and is yelling over all of Rationale Castel’s thoughts about how he could finally put an end to the humiliating set ups. It’s funny how Irrational Castel has the voice of a mouse compared to Rationale Castel when he’s alone, but as soon as Joy appears it’s as though Irrational Castel has downed seven cups of espresso and ten pounds of sugar. Irrational Castel suddenly is like a ten-year-old with ADHD and the vocal chords of a megaphone that drowns out Rationale Castel’s hollow attempts to bring some common sense into the picture.

R.C, we really shouldn’t do this

I.C. but it’ll be fun!

R.C, but this could end very badly

I.C, but it’ll be fun!

R.C, this is a terrible plan!!

I.C, but hear me out though…it’ll be fun!

Gosh, she really brings out a wild side in him.

Although they disagree on just about everything there is one thing R.C and I.C can agree on. Joy’s ideas--no matter how outrageous, unattainable, illogical, crazy, and ill advised they may be--are what make up some of the best memories he has.

As they near the entrance to the local park his blood tingles under his skin as the pressure from his anxieties builds up. But all that he needs is to see the shocked speechless expression on Autumn’s face and suddenly his anxieties and worries are put on mute. Confidence and pride and maybe a little smugness floods his body ‘til it reaches the overflowing point. His posture changes as soon as he sees Autumn’s flabbergasted face, his shoulders square, his back straightens, and his chest puffs out as he walks with a sense of status.

He’s so confident that he even breaks their hand holding and opts to wrap his arm around Joy’s waist pulling her flush to his side. Is he smiling? Well he has to admit Joy does have this confident effect on him. Perhaps that’s because he knows he doesn’t have to impress her, he’s got nothing to prove when he’s with her. She knows him and she loves who he is, he’s at ease around her cause he can be himself totally and completely.

Joy glances at him as her smile grows and she follows his lead by wrapping her arm around him and slipping her hand into his back pocket. If he had one word to describe the odd look in Autumn’s eyes it’d be: combustion.

“Little hi little low,” Joy greets cheerfully.

“Little hey little ho,” Nathan chuckles.

Autumn gives him a queer look, but Joy is elated that he not only got the Stuart Little reference but he completed the greeting.

Catsel fist bumps his roommate and smiles at Autumn–not really because he’s happy to see her, but because he is loving the look on her face. Her mouth hangs open slightly, her one brow is quirked, and her expression looks crossed between confusion, disbelief, and a burning flame of…well he’s not sure what. But right now he doesn’t care, time to get back at her for all those ghastly dates without his consent.

“Good to see ya Autumn,” he says without a single sense of nerves in his voice.

Autumn shakes her head and smiles, “You too Cas.” Her eyes shift to Joy, “This must be Joy. Nathan’s told me about you.”

“And you’re Fall!” Joy says with glee and rapidly shakes Autumn’s hand, “Cassie’s told me lots about you!”

Autumn blinks, “It’s Autumn.”

“To some people,” Joy shrugs, “but other’s use Fall it’s faster. But pretty either way.”

It takes Castel every ounce of self-control he can muster to not laugh. He can’t tell if Joy is just being herself or she’s trying to aggravate Autumn with the subtle offhanded comment…probably a mix of the two he concludes.

Autumn blinks again before shaking her head, “Alrighty then…uh…shall we?” She asks turning to Nathan.

“I’m all set,” Nathan smiles taking her hand.

“Onward to adventure!” Joy howls and thrusts her fist into the air

“Adventure!” Castel echos and throws his fist in the air as well.

They both giggle and race each other through the park’s gate with Nathan and Autumn in tow. Perhaps today will be easier than he thought.

============

The festival is more of a mini-carnival or at least that’s how Castel would describe it. Food carts, game booths, marketing tents, street performers, even some rides fill the park. At the center of it all is a big stage sits between two oak trees, with as enormous white sheet cascading down from the branches of the trees. That must be where the movie will be shown later this evening.

Castel smiles as Joy pulls him along as they jog down the green grass.

“This is so cool!” She squeaks and beams at him, “What should we do first?”

“We could play a game,” Nathan suggests from behind them.

“A game sounds fun!” Joy nods and points to a booth, “Let’s go to that one!”

Soon the four are standing in front of the milk-bottle booth. Nathan pays for three baseballs and takes a chance throwing the three balls knocking down the bottle tower. Autumn grins as she picks a big stuffed dolphin from the rack. Joy bounces eagerly beside Castel.

“Which one do you want Jo-jo?” He asks and digs a dollar out of his wallet

Joy taps her chin humming thoughtfully as she scans the rack of stuffed animals. Her eyes light up as she points to a giant stuffed panda bear.

“That one!”

Castel smirks, “Alrighty. Hey you know Zack taught me the trick to these games.”

“Oh yeah?”

He nods, “Yeah you aim for the carni’s head and take the prize while he’s unconscious.”

Joy and Nathan snort, Autumn rolls her eyes and the carni eyes Castel with a cautious expression. It looks like he’s trying to decide if he really wants to take Castel’s dollar or tell the kid to take a hike.

Castel smiles and holds his hands up in defense, “Only kidding Sir, only kidding.”

The guy gives a gruff huff and opts to take the dollar in exchange for three balls, but he does stand far enough off to the side so he’s not in the line of fire.

Joy giggles and Castel smiles as he aims for the bottle tower. He misses…terribly!

Joy doesn’t hold back the bark of laughter as Castel blushes. He was not an athlete but he’s was sure he’d be able to at least knock one of the bottles over.

“Alright alright,” he rolls his eyes and pokes Joy’s side. “Enough now, that was just a warm up.”

“Uhuh,” Joy snickers and bites her lip trying to stop the laughter.

Castel takes the second ball into his hand, “Ok this one’s for real.”

He throws the ball and this time it hits the table which the bottles are set on and ricochets back at them. Both Castel and Joy squeak and duck to avoid decapitation by the flying ball. Once they are sure they’re safe they stand again. Castel’s face holds a very bewildered expression as he looks at Joy who looks as though she’s going to explode with laughter.

He narrows his eyes at her, “Ok ok so I’m not a good shot, sue me.”

“It’s ok Cassie,” Autumn says from somewhere behind him.

“Yeah it’s ok Cassierole,” Joy nods in agreement. “I mean if the goal of the game was to miss in every way possible you’d be a champion!”

He blushes more and growls at her, “I still have one more shot.”

“Optimism!” Joy cheers

He takes the last ball into his hand and stares hard at the illusive bottle tower. He’s determined to win her that bear, he’s just gotta look at this from a mathematically stand point. He quickly calculates the angle he’ll need to throw from, how much force he’ll have to throw it at, the direction of the wind, he even estimates the mass of the ball and the distance at which he stands from the tower.

“Quit stalling!” Nathan yells.

“Alright! I’m throwing it I’m throwing it!” Castel snaps and takes a deep breath.

He rears his arm back and soon the ball has left his hand. It flies through the air with the speed of a rocket and his heart pounds as he watches the ball near it’s destination.

The carni.

The man yelps and jumps out of the way of the fast ball. Nathan and Joy burst into laughter when the carni glares at Castel.

“I’m so sorry Sir,” Castel shakes his head. He sighs and looks up at the bear, “I’m sorry J-bird.”

Joy smiles and shakes her head, “No worries Cassie.”

“I really wanted to win it for you though.”

“I know you did,” Joy smiles sweetly and takes his hand, “I know you’re a terrible shot.”

“Hey!” He starts to protest but she cuts him off.

“That’s why it means more to me that you still tried,” she says and kisses his cheek.

All the anger and humiliation instantly melts away as she smiles at him and he feels his own lips curling. His hand is attached to the back of his neck.

“Thanks Jo-jo…I’m still sad I couldn’t win it for you though.”

The carni clears his throat, “Listen kid,” the guy rubs the back of his neck, “that was really sad and painful to watch.”

Castel’s cheeks burn and he hears Nathan bite back a laugh.

“I feel really bad for you,” the carni says, “I don’t want you to walk away with nothing so…here.” He says and holds out a very small bubble container.

Castel takes it and opens the little container, out falls a silver plastic ring with a purple gem in the center. Well it’s not a bear but…

Castel smiles and thanks the carni before handing the little trinket to Joy.

“Here Joy,” he says and puts the plastic hoop onto her finger.

Joy holds her hand out in front of her studying the little ring. Nathan smiles at the carni’s kindness and Autumn rolls her eyes and smirks with a slightly smug look.

“What a useless piece of junk,” Autumn scoffs and Nathan shushes her.

Castel’s heart sinks, rude or not she’s right. Just as Castel is going to apologize again for his failure here eyes grow wide and her lips pull back into a toothy grin.

“This is so cool!” Joy squeals and bounces on her toes, “It looks so real!”

Castel grins as Joy coos over the obvious fake ring, she always sees the best in everything.

“Joy it’s clearly not–”

“Cassie this is awesome!” She pipes and gives him a broad smile. “Do you think you could miss like nine more times!?”

They walk down the hill as Joy marvels at the ten plastic rings that cover her fingers. Castel smiles and wraps his arm around her as she babbles on about how she feels like royalty with all the rings, and how from now on when ever he greets her he has to kiss every ring like they do with the queen. Castel tries to explain that, no one kisses all the rings of the queen or the Pope or the Godfather and Joy huffs and says she’ll have him thrown in the dungeon for crass talk about his queen.

He can’t help the way his heart pounds more in his chest when she calls herself his.

They pass some street performers playing the guitar, a box drum, and a trumpet, with a lead singer. It sounds like they’re singing I Got You by Train but their own version of it. Joy smiles and joins the small circle that surrounds the performers and starts to dance to the beat. Castel smiles and watches her dance around with such a loving gaze; the bedazzled gems of his name sparkling in the sunlight. He will never know how she’s learned to dance like there’s nobody watching her. He’s pulled from his love induced stupor when she appears in front of him and grabs his hand. She pulls him over to the circle with her. She smiles widely at him as she starts to dance. His eyes shift to all the people watching them and pulls his hand away shaking his head.

“No Joy,” he whispers and takes a step back prepared to watch her from the sidelines.

She captures his hand again and smiles sweetly at him, “Come dance with me Cassie.”

His face goes red and he looks around again at all the eyes watching them. Joy cups his cheek and turns his chin to look at her. She gives him a reassuring and genuine smile as the lyrics play through the air.

I got you I got you

You’re the sun through my window warming my skin oh you

Like Sonny and Cher expect I’ll be there for you!

“They aren’t here,” she says just above a whisper. “Dance with me just like we do at home. Just focus on me.”

Her words calm the storm in his stomach and she takes both his hands. She slowly starts to sway back and forth and he’s surprised to find his body following hers. He feels his lips pulling into a smile and he imagines they aren’t at a big festival with thousands of people, no he’s back in her parent’s cabin. They year they got snowed in and she took the opportunity to teach him how to dance. He can feel himself relaxing and soon he’s completely forgot all the people around them. He dances with her smiling and singing along to song with her. Although he has forgotten the people, he does however hear laughter, clapping, and cheering and when he looks around again everyone around them has joined in the dance as well.

They ride on the roller coaster, the Spinning Top, the Whip Lash, and the bummer cars. Castel smiles as he rams his car into Joy’s causing her to laugh and chase him around the track. He glances over in the direction of his friends just in time to see Nathan slam into Autumn’s car. She scowls and glares at him, but not in a playful way. She looks like she saying something to him and judging from his face it’s not something nice. Castel honestly feels kind of bad for his friend…

“That was so much fun!” Joy giggles as he helps her out of her little car, “I beat your butt!”

“I doubt that!” Castel laughs as they walk out off the track.

“You’re just a sorry loser,” Joy says and whips her hair back with her hand.

Castel chuckles, “Sure Jo-jo sure.” He smiles back at Nathan and Autumn, “You guys wanna go on one more ride before getting something to eat?”

“Yeah I’m down for another ride,” Nathan says with a weak smile.

“Alright what do we wanna–”

“They have a carousel!” Joy cheers and tugs on Castel’s sleeve.

“A carousel?” Autumn echos and rolls her eyes, “You cannot be serious.”

“Why not the carousel is fun!” Joy beams at her before looking at Castel, “Come on Cassie!”

Castel laughs as Joy drags him to the carousel leaving Nathan and Autumn behind to argue whether to join them or not. Apparently they chose not but Castel is one hundred percent positive Nathan wanted to go on the ride with them. As the bob up and down on their plastic horses Castel can’t help but laugh at how frustrated Autumn looks. Despite all the nerves he’s happy they’re playing this game, if only to make Autumn feel guilty for all the humiliation she’s put him through. Although he does wish Nathan would detach himself from her hip and come have fun with them–let her be the stick in the mud this is fun! Joy’s ideas are always fun.

================

“So how long have you two been together?” Autumn asks as they sit down at the picnic table.

“Three years,” Castel says using some of his napkins to clean up the mess Joy has made on the table from her chili cheese dog.

Autumn blinks in surprise, “So all this time you’ve been in college?”

“Yupper roonie,” Joy smiles as she licks the cheesy chili from her lips. “Started when we were just wee baby freshmen.”

“How come you’ve never visited?” Nathan asks and slurps his soda.

Joy shrugs, “Ticket was really out of my price range. Plus we’d see each other on breaks and between semesters, so I didn’t see a point.”

“Oh where do you go to school?” Nathan questions with a smile

“UG,” Joy says before bursting into a mini-giggle fit.

Nathan chuckles, “University of Georgia?”

“Ding ding ding, give the boy a prize Vanna!” She cheers and nudges Castel’s ribs with her elbow.

“Why am I Vanna?” He laughs

“You’ve got the arms for the part,” Joy grins and does a quick motion with her arms as if she were showing off a car.

The boys snicker and Autumn gives a forced smirk.

“So why now?” She asks with an underlying dubious tone

Joy clicks her tongue and rolls her eyes, “Duuuh girl it’s called a surprise.” She smiles and pokes Castel’s side, “Thought it’d be fun to come see my dork before we left for break.

Castel smiles and bites into his hot dog, “And a nice surprise it is.” He says before giving her cheek a quick peck.

Autumn doesn’t look convinced, “How come Cassie has never talked about you? I mean as a couple.”

Joy’s eyes widen and she gasps, “Cassie you don’t tell people we’re together?”

Castel’s eyes widen slightly and his heart picks up in speed.

“Well um…I just…” he’s totally dropping the ball! What’s wrong with him? Why can’t he make up a reason? What even would be a good enough reason!? He can’t think, especially not with the way Autumn is smiling at him right now. Although it is a smile it’s not a nice smile, it’s more of the look a spider would have when a fly gets caught in its web. Castel hates how he knows which role he’s playing in that scenario right now.

“I’m just kidding Casper,” Joy says putting her hand on his arm. “I know why you don’t tell people we’re together.”

“Why?” Nathan asks

Yeah why? He thinks as he stares at her, trying hard to tell her with his eyes to watch her steps.

“Our families don’t want us together,” Joy says in a loud whisper.

Nathan and Autumn share a confused glance.

“Why not?” Autumn asks

Yeah why not Joy? He thinks in his head, his heart pounding a million miles a millisecond.

Joy sighs dramatically, “They’ve been feuding for years and refuse to let us be together. We’re what’s it called? Sud…stud…star? Yeah! Star-crossed lovers!”

He is internally screaming.

She smiles at Castel before putting her hand on her forehead as if she were going to faint, “A doomed forbidden love.” She sighs audible before smiling again, “You know like that one couple that, that dude Shakespeare wrote about. The whole Romeo Oh Romeo come we must kill ourselves do to poor communication.”

He’s still screaming.

“Romeo and Juliet,” Castel hears himself correct despite the howls of his internal self.

“Tomato tamahto,” Joy waves her hand dismissively. “My title is much better.”

What happened to KISS!? He yells in his head as his heart runs out the door with its bags packed leaving a sign on his ribcage that reads ‘gone finishing’. He swallows only to find his mouth has gone dry and he dares to look at Autumn. Maybe there’s a chance she’s buying it…nope. Not at all.

The girl still smiles but there’s an evil glint in her eyes as she laces her fingers and tucks them snugly under her chin.

“So why can’t you tell us you have a little birdie Cas? I mean after all we’re not family?”

Castel is proud of himself that he’s held his smile although his cheeks are starting to hurt. He takes a breath and clears his throat. Perhaps there’s a chance he can save this sinking relationship.

“Well you know how word travels like wildfire,” he says and seeing that he has no pen to start clicking, he opts to flatten out the napkin he’s been mangling. “Nathan has met my family before, and he’s pretty good friends with my brothers. Suppose one time on accident he let’s it slip out that Joy and I are together? My brothers would tell my parents and they’d tell Joy’s and it’d be a whole ‘nother turf war.” He shrugs, “I couldn’t live without Joy so we’d run off and elope in some other state.”

“Yeah it’d be a trickle up affect.” Joy pipes in

“Trickle down,” he corrects.

“Whateves somethings trickling to somewhere,” Joy rolls her eyes and finishes her chili cheese dog.

“Aren’t you going to have to elope anyway?” Autumn questions with a sneer

The malicious sparkle in her eyes angers him. He wants to put her in her place, so he swallows his nerves and finds his courage.

“Well we’re hoping one day we’ll be able to sit down with our families and work things out.” He says with a smirk, “I mean after all I want both of families to be there when we get hitched. Wouldn’t you?”

Autumn stares him down for a moment and he stands his ground. He doesn’t care if it is a lie he’s going to make he believe it. He’s so done with her arrogance and delusions of superiority, Joy’s lit this cannon and he’s gonna make sure it lands right on the target.

Autumn drops her hands and takes a deep breath, “Well I wish you would have at least told us you were taken.” Her eyes soften, “I wouldn’t have tried so hard to set you up.” She looks down almost embarrassed, “I’m so sorry I had no idea you two were together I mean it makes so much sense now. You were not interested in those girls cause you already had a girl.” Autumn looks back up at him, “You sure were loyal. I’m sorry for pushing so hard.”

Castel can feel his muscles relax, “It’s alright, no harm done.”

Autumn turns her gaze to Joy, “Please forgive me I had no idea.”

Joy smiles and shakes her head, “Don’t worry about it Fall everything’s A-Okay.” Joy shoots finger guns at Autumn who seems to almost sigh in relief.

“Thank you,” Autumn smiles.

Although Autumn has finally apologized for her nonstop revolving door of sloppy mean girls, he knows the day is not over. They’re not out of the woods just yet.