#and they blocked me when i finally said i don't feel dumb about arguing with an 18 year old bc i don't think we're arguing this is fun to m

[mpregspn]

am i........... a troll?

[boygiwrites]

Harley D. Dixon 35

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📖Chapter List.

Author's Note.

Cue my giddy snickering.

"So, what'd you do?" My Dad asks the prisoners, as we're eating breakfast in the courtyard the next morning. "Whose life you ruin?"

All the walker bodies have been dragged into a pile over by the dumpsters and burnt into nothing more than a few lumps of charcoal, leaving the courtyard as quiet as it's been since we got here. With the snarls and growls finally gone, I can hear birds chirping on the roofs of the cell blocks, the beautiful sound of silence beyond them. It might be the first time we've been completely sealed away from danger.

If Rick wasn't still inside with Lori, Carl, and the baby, I think he'd feel the same way.

"Nobody's but my own, man," Oscar chuckles dryly. He shakes his head, spooning some stewed corn and beans into his mouth, chewing absentmindedly. "There's nothing more to it than my people were poor as dirt. Got to be that I was dumb and desperate enough to steal from a Walmart. I should'a been handing my resume in, or something, but no. Sentenced three years over a pack of diapers."

I look up from my bowl to study the regret on his face, finding myself surprised. Shop-lifting diapers?

That wasn't what I thought he was in prison for at all.

"Sorry to hear that," Glenn says sympathetically, exactly my thoughts. "World wasn't exactly fair before all this, either."

"Me, I got caught with, y'know," Axel gestures vaguely, "Drugs and stuff. In my car. I was parked outside a police station, and I ain't had a home at the time. I think wanted to get locked up, if that makes sense. I'd been in and out a bunch of times. Only thing I knew."

"Sounds like someone I knew," Dad scoffs, and I know he's talking about my Uncle Merle. "The dumb bastard."

"So, you ain't, like," I frown at the prisoners in confusion, "Bad?"

Oscar laughs a little. "Not everybody who ends up in prison is bad, kid."

"I know that," I argue as I eat another spoonful of stew. "My Daddy was in prison, and he ain't bad. But some of 'em is."

"We ain't had the best track record when it comes to strangers," Maggie explains to them, putting it lightly. "Or even friends."

"Hey," He shrugs. "No offence taken. You gotta be careful out here."

"There were some seriously bad eggs in there, though," Axel agrees with me. "You bet'cha. Made life a livin' Hell for the rest of us."

Oscar looks at my Dad. "You're her Dad, right? You went to prison, too?"

"Arrendale State Prison," He nods, slurping up the stew in his bowl. "February of '04. I was released far before all this shit started."

"What crime?"

"Aggravated manslaughter."

Axel's eyes widen. "Damn, mister. I ain't sayin' you don't look the type, but I would'a thought you stole a car or somethin'."

Wiping his mouth, he smirks. "Who says I ain't did both?"

"Skills like those sound like they'd come in handy nowadays," Oscar says, "So, Hell. We ain't here to judge anyone in your group."

"You gotta stop saying, 'your group'," Maggie scolds him, smiling. "We got off on the wrong foot, but for all intents and purposes, there's only one group here. We ain't have to be best friends or anythin', and we'll be watchin' you, but you've proven yourselves."

"But I thought you said—...?"

Yesterday, we served 'em a death sentence by forcing them outta the gates — Today we're eating stew together. 

"Listen. There was a man named Shane," Glenn levels with them. "He was the first one. He was Rick's best friend for fifteen years and we all watched him go crazy without any power to stop it, until he tried kidnapping Harley. He was shot and beaten to death."

There's the loud, BANG, and the sound of my crying spilling out afterwards. That was one of the worst days of my life.

The prisoners share a glance with each other.

"The second man was Jim," He continues. "He didn't have the best interests of the group at heart and we kicked him out for that. And when we ran into him a few months later, we saw that hadn't changed. He threatened to ruin what we'd built. We hung him in a barn."

That one didn't make much sound at all — Barely a, snap.

"Your friends, Tomas and Andrew. And there were so many others. A group that took over a town near our old farm, people on the road, assholes, thieves. We've got good people here. We're family. But we haven't let our goodness make us idiots."

I'd almost forgotten the violence we'd committed over the past year, the deaths, a hundred little wounds scarred over with time.

Axel and Oscar remain silent as they stomach his words, the underlying threat there — We've killed better men for less.

Shane was Rick's right-hand man, a brother, and one of the most important people to the group, but even that couldn't save him in the end. Jim was a father, a resilient little weasel who worked harder than anybody else back at the quarry, and I saw him die, too. I saw all manner of men die. The prisoners risked their lives by leavin' this place, but they also risked them by comin' back to help us. They chose to do that. I'on know too much about what makes a trustworthy stranger, and I ain't even sure if such a thing exists, but I imagine it's a start. 

"Ya ain't idiots," Axel agrees, looking between Dad, Glenn, and Maggie with his honest eyes. "You can trust us."

Oscar puts on a reassuring smile. "We get it, man."

For two fellers who've just been threatened with torture and execution if they misbehave, they don't look so frightened.

I guess they don't plan on it, then.

"Good," Glenn slowly nods at their answers. "This is the best thing that's ever happened to you, by the way. You're welcome."

Axel's moustache skews to the side as he smiles. "Thank you, dudes."

"And it ain't just kiss-ass for a bowl of stew," Oscar warns us, gesturing with his spoon. "'Cause this shit tastes like ass."

"I'll let the chef know," Maggie jokes.

It looks like our group just got a little bit bigger.

"Go on, then." Dad juts his chin out in the direction of the cell block. "My guess is you ought'a get outta them scrubs if yer stayin'. Just ask for a lady, Carol — She can sort that out for ya. T-Dog's old stuff should fit ya, but I ain't so sure about Stringbean."

"'Stringbean'?" Axel complains, looking down at himself.

"Maybe you can find somethin' in Glenny's wardrobe," Maggie smiles, poking him in the ribs. "Ain't that right?"

"Hardy, har."

As they stand from the table with their empty bowls, Axel adds, "We really appreciate it. Thanks for not letting us die."

"Sure. Git," Dad grits, watching as they make their way back into the prison, before looking at me. "What'chu thinkin', chicken?"

Chewing my stew, I garble, "I gesh dey don't sheem sho bad."

"Nah, they don't," He agrees, reaching out with his spoon to clean the dribble off my chin. "You don't gotta worry about 'em, okay?"

I swallow as he pulls away, warning him, "But I'on think Mouse is a fan. He was growlin' at 'em."

"I'm sure they'll figure that out," Glenn reassures me, chuckling. "If that's the only problem they have, I'd say they got off lucky."

"Not if they screw this up, they won't," I exclaim, raising my spoon like a knife. "That happens, I'mma knife 'em in the knee!"

"Hey, and I'll let'cha," Dad jokes as he puts his hand over mine to lower the spoon. "But right now, I want'chu to finish all yer food."

"Okay, Dad."

Breakfast goes by slowly, like any good morning should.

The baby — Until the Grimes agree on a name, that's what I'll call her. The baby — loves to sleep.

I guess being born takes up just as much energy as giving birth, because Lori says until she's a few months old, this is all she'll do. I can't exactly play soccer with her right now, or even teach her to draw a picture, but I don't mind waiting. She's cute enough just like this, with her eyes closed, small tummy rising and falling with softs breaths as she dozes off in my arms, hopefully dreaming of something sweet.

What do babies dream of? Milk? Sheep, prancing in circles? They even got enough memories to form a nightmare, yet?

Watching on with a fond smile, Lori muses quietly, "I told you."

The baby makes a grunt, squirming around in the tightly swaddled blanket before she relaxes, content.

No. No nightmares.

Looking up at my Dad, I ask him, "Was I like this?"

A faint smirk tugs at his mouth, as if he's recalling a memory. "Nah, you was a fiend. Your Momma and I couldn't get'chu to sleep for nothin'. Had to pace around with you for hours on the porch just for a wink. Sing, hum. Let'chu listen to the rain, cars, birds."

"Sounds like she was a fussy one," Lori smiles, reaching out to stroke her thumb across the baby's smooth head.

"I ain't never met a baby who could pull an angry face quite like Harley could," He scoffs. "Had the temper of a stick of dynamite."

Under the weight of his tired gaze, Rick smirks a little. "So, not much has changed, then." 

Sticking my tongue out at them both, I look back down at the baby, gasping as her eyelids begin to flutter.

"She's openin' her eyes," I exclaim with excitement, handing her off to Lori. Her Momma should be the first thing she sees. Not me!

"Oh, my gosh," The woman breathes.

All at once, with her forehead wrinkled against the brightness of the room, she opens her eyes for the very first time. Green. Wow. They're the same colour as Lori's, dark and pretty like the wet leaves on a forest floor, staring curiously up at the matching pair.

Rick scoots closer and grins down at her, a chuckle escaping him as she studies his face next.

Even though I love my Mom and Dad more than anything in the world, and I wouldn't trade them for anybody else, I can still say with certainty that this baby is real lucky to have a Dad like Rick and even luckier to have a Mom like Lori. She got gentle hands, a voice made for telling fairytales, and the patience of a saint. Her smile is the type that nobody could be mad at when they're on the receivin' end of it.

My Gramma Dixon ain't had one of them smiles. In all the photos I've ever seen of her, she had a smile like a row of yellow piano keys, black holes left where her rotten teeth had fallen out from smoking so much and so often, but I had never seen it in person.

When my Dad was thirteen years old, the same age as Carl, the smoke of a stray cigarette caught onto his Momma's bedsheets while she was sleepin' and she, the house, and everything that was in it went up in flames, with a single black smear to prove it ever stood.

That's why whenever my Dad finishes a cigarette, he spends a second longer than anybody else would making sure it's out.

Glenn's got it right — World wasn't exactly fair before all this, either.

Havin' any Mom, let alone a Mom as good as Lori, was a special thing even before the world went to shit.

"She gon' love havin' you as her Momma," I smile to Lori.

And if you were my Momma, I'm too embarrassed to say, I'd be lucky, too.

As if I've just minced her heart between my fingers, the woman pouts, managing a smile. "Thank you, honey. That's nice of you to say."

I don't ever remember dreaming of milk or sheep or soft things with gentle colors, but I'm glad this baby will, even if just for now.

The sound of the toilet flushing fills my ears as I push past the stall door, approaching my Dad who's waiting for me by the sinks. He lifts me by the armpits onto the little plastic foot stool that Glenn found a few days ago, carefully setting me down on it.

"You sure I can't stay up just a little longer?" I ask as I tweak on the water, pumping soap into my hands.

"How much is, a little longer?"

"Hm... Five minutes?"

"I already let'chu finish yer card game with Carl and Beth," He reminds me. "My generous mood's run out, now. It's late, y'know."

"Okay, Captain Obvious," I sigh, scrubbing my hands together under the water before shutting it off.

"Watch it, Captain Smartass." He takes my hand and helps me jump off the stool, leading me through the door and down the corridor, before he randomly comes to a stop. As I turn around to face him, he crouches down to my level. "But I gotta talk to you first."

"About what?" I pout, worried I might be in trouble. "If Carl told you I cheated at cards, it ain't tru—"

"I ain't talkin' about that," He reassures me, raising his brows. "And you're lucky I ain't, 'cause I'on believe you for a second."

"Okay. Maybe I peeped at Beth's cards."

"Yeah. Maybe." With an empty chuckle, his expression slowly dampens, turning serious. "It's about Axel and Oscar."

"Huh?"

"I trust 'em," He begins, but I got no idea where he's goin' with this. "What I always saw in Shane and all the other douchebags like 'im, I'on see in them. Some folks, you can just tell. Axel's a sorry loser just like yer Daddy and Uncle Merle used to be, and Oscar's a Dad."

My Dad's what some people call, a good judge of character. Nodding along in agreement, I let him continue.

"If I thought they was any sorta threat to you," He promises, "Even if it was just breakin' yer favorite crayon, then—..."

"Then, you'd kill 'em," I finish, remembering the sight of his shadow swinging down on Jim's face through the slats of the shed wall, the big, black bag the paramedics wheeled outta the woods, the way Shane's blood pooled out across the dirty tiles. "I know."

"So, I guess this ain't really about them, 'cause they ain't gonna hurt you. It's about you, baby."

"M—Me?"

"You ain't in trouble." He says again, soothing my nerves. "I prolly should'a had this conversation wit'chu months ago, but you know I ain't so good with 'conversations', so it's happenin' now. I need you to know what happened with Shane weren't your fau—"

"Why are you sayin' that?" I cut him off, feeling like it's wrong for Shane's name to be in his mouth. "I d—"

"Just listen to me." He grabs my shoulders, stern and strong. Quips and hot venom brew on my tongue, but I bite it down, knowing that if I lash out, I'll actually be in trouble. I can't stop him from mentioning Shane, violating him even in that way, like he used to do with my Momma's name when he threw insults at her and told lies about her to strangers. I have to remember — Shane ain't my Momma. They was both sick, but only one loved me. I'm pretending to know which one that was. "It weren't. But we could'a done things differently."

Don't talk to strangers, He and Merle always told me. Is that what he means?

"I-I don't get it," I shake my head in confusion. "I'm allowed to talk to Axel and Oscar. They ain't strangers."

"Neither was Shane, baby." He counters. "Spent so much energy teachin' you not to trust assholes like Ronnie, I ain't never taught you not to trust assholes like Shane — Typa guy that makes it past yer doorstep and tries to be yer friend."

I temper my glare. "What'chu gettin' at, Daddy?"

"You know grown men can't be friends with little girls." He explains patiently, his grip on me tightening. "Rick and Glenn, they're different. They's like yer Uncles. Ya get along with 'em, but they're there to protect ya, just like I am. Axel and Oscar ain't like that. You ever meet anybody like 'em, you don't do anythin' that makes you uncomfortable. You don't give 'em anythin' they want. You don't let 'em trick ya."

Shane. I did all those things with Shane. He did all those things with me.

"And you always tell me if any of that happens. Always. Ya ain't never gon' get in trouble for what other people choose to do."

"The prisoners ain't tried to be my friend," I assure him. "And I ain't tried to be theirs. Promise."

"I know. I'm proud'a you for that." His grip loosens, fingers sliding down my arms, dropping in his lap. "But do you understand me?"

"I think so."

"I'mma somethin' better'un, I think."

Frowning, I think. Shane weren't my fault. Dad said that since the beginning. I guess he only wants to make sure it never happens again, like how it ain't yer fault if a dog bites ya, but you can always learn to recognize a violent animal and turn your back on its teeth.

I shouldn't have let Shane corner me in the car while the rest of the group was distracted in that supermarket.

Shouldn't have played into his stupid game, neither, by punching him in the face when he asked me to.

Definitely shouldn't have agreed to be his friend.

Dad's always gonna look out for me, but, "I understand."

"Okay. Good girl. Smart girl," He nods, standing and taking my hand in his, leading me down the corridor. "I love you, chicken."

"Love you, Daddy. But I thought you said I was allowed to knife 'em?"

"You can knife 'em first, and then I'll kill 'em," He jokes. "Deal?"

"Deal."

He chuckles to himself. "Let's get'chu to bed, then."

"Easy, boy," Axel smiles, scratching Mouse's ear as he watches him gobble up the meat in his hand. "There ya go."

From my seat nearby, as I wait to leave with Dad and Glenn for a supply run, I don't bother callin' Mouse over yet. The dog ain't my toy or nothin', but I should still share him with the prisoners. I know they ain't seen one in years, so I let him have the moment.

When Carl walks past me, I ask him, "You sure ya don't wanna come with us?"

"Thanks, but I'm sure. I'm just tired today," He turns to send me a smile, before continuing toward Axel. "Hey. Got more food."

"Oh, thanks, dude," He says happily, accepting it.

"He really likes this stuff."

It's taken almost a full month not only for Mouse to warm up to the new members of our group, but for the others, too.

We ain't best friends or nothin', like Maggie said, but it turns out they're a better fit for our family than I first thought.

Axel really is just a sorry loser with a good heart, who I've learnt over the past couple days wasn't kiddin' when he said he loved dogs. He's almost never more than a few feet away from Mouse, bribing him with treats or scraps of his own dinner, sometimes accidently calling him, Goober, the name of his old dog. When I look at him, I see all the other sorry losers we used to live with in our trailer park, his twangy accent and his stories of punking the police when he was younger weirdly comforting to me. Dad don't seem so offended by him, neither.

Oscar's the type of person who talks a lot around the dinner table, just like Carl and Maggie are. He's always got a snarky, good-natured joke to throw in here and there, or a reassuring tidbit to share when somebody opens up about something in their past.

When it comes to his own past, though, he suddenly ain't so much of a chatterbox no more.

I can only assume his wife and baby are among all the people we've lost, too. I wouldn't wanna talk about 'em, neither.

Rick watches Oscar standing there with a guarded look on his face, my Dad drawing his attention away by nudging his elbow, holding two guns out to him. With another glance at Axel, who's giggling like a small child at Mouse's enthusiasm for the food, he takes them.

"Axel. Oscar," Rick calls out, coming to a stop in front of them. As they look up at him, he offers a gun to each of them.

Axel's eyes widen as he stands up. "You serious, Mister?"

Oh — That's another thing. Axel doesn't call people Ma'am or Mister to butter 'em up. It's just his Southern manners.

"Daryl and Glenn are leaving for a few hours," He explains as Axel hesitantly reaches out for the gun, treating it more like a live grenade. For all the petty crimes he's committed, I'on think he's ever actually held a gun. Oscar takes his slightly more confidently, knowing exactly where to put his fingers, though he don't seem to like it. "With them gone, I think it's time you stepped up, helped us protect this place."

"Sure thing," Oscar nods, checking the mag is empty before stuffing the gun in his pants line. "Happy to, chief."

"Now, you mentioned you got experience," He reminds him, before turning to look expectantly at Axel.

In the silence that follows, the man offers, "I shot a slingshot, once. Busted in some rich old lady's Rolls-Royce window with it."

Rick's expression remains stoney. "A slingshot?"

"Yeah! Real cool one."

"A slingshot."

Awkwardly, he says again, "Yeah."

"Right." Rick gives him a friendly pat on the back, almost knocking him off balance. "We're gonna have to train you up a bit."

"Well, have fun," Glenn muses as he slings his backpack on, with Dad gesturing for me to stand up. "See you guys later."

Carl smiles, "See you later."

"C'mon, boy!" I call out to Mouse, clapping my hands. "Time to go."

"Remember, she doesn't handle the whole-wheat blend very well," Lori warns us, rocking baby Judith in her arms. It's good to finally see her outta bed again, to have her sitting around the breakfast table next to Herschel just like she always used to do.

"We'll look around for somethin' different this time. Trust me. I remember," Dad reassures her as he leads us up the concrete steps and pushes past the exit door, letting it close behind us before he mutters to me and Glenn, "She only threw up on my face twice."

"Eugh," I giggle, walking alongside them down the corridor. "That's gross."

"You ain't gonna talk to me about gross, missy," He jokes. "Who's that kid that spat chewed-up salami into my lap again, Rhee?"

Glenn chuckles at that. "Oh, yeah. I think her name was—...?"

"Somethin' beginin' with an, H, right?"

"Shut up," I giggle even harder as Glenn opens the main door, turning to lock it behind us. "It was an accident!"

"Ha—? Harriet," Dad pretends to struggle guessing, completely ignoring me. "Holly? Harley—?"

"Ohhh. Harley," Glenn exclaims as he stuffs the key back in his pocket. "That was it."

"Yeah, that's ringin' a bell."

"Shut up," I complain again, dragging him over to the gate. "C'mon. Me and Mouse wanna go!"

Agreeing, the dog lets out a, ruff.

This might only be the fourth time I've been on a scavenge this month, but I'd be lyin' if I said it ain't just as excitin' as the first time. Sure, the adults watch over me and Carl the whole time, and we only ever go to the same store, but everybody says we been doin' a good job and it's true. The worst thing that's happened to us is getting spooked by a rat running across our path, and even that was fun. 

"Okay, we're comin'," Dad chuckles raspily, letting me pull him along. "We're comin'."

"What do you wanna play this time, Harley?" Glenn asks.

As Dad opens the gate to the field, Mouse is the first one out, running ahead of us down the path.

I kick a pebble down the hill, thinking. "What about eye-spy?"

He locks it shut. "Didn't we do that one last time?"

"Yeah, but I lost," I argue as we follow after the dog.

"So, a re-match," Glenn says in understanding. "Sure. Who's going first?"

"Me!"

"Is it that leaf over there?"

"Nope."

"What about that leaf over there?"

"Still nope."

"That leaf?"

"You can't just guess every single leaf you see, Harley," Glenn chuckles. "The game would never end."

"So, it's not a leaf?"

"Not a leaf," He agrees. "Come on. You can do it."

Walking down the side of the highway, I look around for anything, Small and green. If it ain't leaves, or any of the hundreds of other things I've guessed so far, I'm screwed. In the distance, the tall sign for the strip mall pokes out from the trees, growing closer.

"Can't just look at what's in front of ya," Dad says helpfully, squeezing my hand. "Hunter's eye's gotta see everythin'."

Humming in concentration, I look down instead, noticing it instantly — The green beetle clinging to my shorts.

A giggle escapes me as I rest a finger near the insect's tiny head, letting it crawl onto me, holding it up to my face. "It was you!"

"Point for Harley," Glenn smiles as we step over the curb, entering the dumpster area behind the strip mall. The forest falls away behind us, making way for concrete and scattered litter. "You were taking so long; I was worried it was gonna fly away."

I turn a suspicious eye on my Dad. "Hang on. Did you let me win?"

"I might'a noticed it a couple minutes ago," He muses.

I flinch as the beetle's pearly wings whip out from under its shell, flickering into a blur, before it takes off into the trees.

"Aw." I pout, distracted by its disappearing shape as we approach the side of the building. "Bye, beetl—"

"Stop."

Stop?

Dad drops my hand. He slings his crossbow off his shoulder, training the sights ahead of us as Glenn grabs me, forcing me up against the wall with him. The warm brick presses against my back, Glenn's thick heartbeat thudding rhythmically beneath my fingers as I grip his wrist. I hold my breath. Suddenly, we're hiding — From what? From who? — and I couldn't care less that we didn't finish the game.

What's wrong, I desperately want to ask them, instead clinging tighter to Glenn, cowering, making myself small.

I try to get a glimpse of what's going on in the main parking lot, but I'm not close enough.

With his shoulders tensed and footsteps light, Dad creeps forward, peeking around the wall.

"It's okay," Glenn whispers to me, turning to scold a growling Mouse, "Shh, boy. Shh."

I focus on the nearby sounds — Someone's car engine idling, boots scraping against tarmac, hushed voices. People. It's people.

As Dad pulls back behind the wall, Glenn asks him, "How many?"

"I count three," He exhales, glancing down at me for a moment, before shaking his head. "We gotta go."

"Okay. Come on." Glenn gently tugs me by the hand, pulling me along with him in the direction we came. "It's okay."

"C'mon, chicken," Dad encourages.

We stick close to the wall, Dad scanning the back parking lot with a slow sweep of his sights, before giving us a nod, letting us know the way is clear and leading us down onto the tarmac. Everything opens up. My gaze darts from the dumpsters pressed up against the chain-link fence, to the trash littered across the ground, to the distant trees, the sky, the back of my Dad's head, Mouse at his heel. 

Dad takes one step back over the broken curb, his boot hitting the grass on the other side.

My fingers tighten around Glenn's as I lift my foot to do the same.

I'm taking a sigh of relief — The forest is right there. We can slip away — but the breath in my lungs is stolen from me. I stumble backwards into Glenn. A man shoots out from behind a rusted car, tackling my Dad, and a gasp escapes me, loud and sharp.

"Daddy!" I shriek, watching him tank the sudden impact with a grunt.

"Boys!" The man shouts over his shoulder. "Over here!"

Squeezing my hand, Glenn draws his gun, acting unsure if he should run with me or stay and fight. "Daryl?"

"Stay with Harley!" He orders.

We watch as Dad shoves the man off him in one powerful movement, sending his stocky body tumbling.

The man lands against the car door. The window cracks under his elbow, glass shattering, tinkling, falling at his feet. He groans like an animal, blood trickling down his forearm as he rears it back again, knife in his hand, about to stab Dad wherever he can.

Dad's crossbow comes down on the man's arm and the knife goes flying, clattering loudly across the parking lot.

"Fuck—" He cries, disarmed, before Dad takes a step back and — FWIP — unleashes a bolt into his face.

The man's legs give out, body slumping to the ground.

"What's going on back here?!" A voice shouts, footsteps approaching. "Eric?"

Glenn whips his gun around, shoving me behind him so fast; I only catch a glimpse of the — two? — men pouring into the parking lot before I'm pressing my face into the back of his shirt, squeezing his hand so tight I think I might break a few of his bones.

"Holy shit," One of the men exclaims as their footsteps come to a stop in front of us. "Eric! God, he's dead!"

"You'll be dead, too, if ya don't back the Hell up!" Dad barks at them, taking a step forward. "Back up!"

"You fucking killed him!"

"He attacked us first!" Glenn counters. "Put the guns down!"

"Oh, my God!"

"Who's that behind you?"

"Hey! You keep yer eyes on us and put'cher fuckin' guns down!"

The arguing, shouting, — Mouse's relentless barking — gets louder and louder with each second, ruminating into one big cloud of noise around me as I squeeze my eyes shut. I only wanted to help them scavenge some baby formula, enjoy the sun and the breeze, maybe win at eye-spy. Home is only a ten-minute walk from here. No, no, it wasn't supposed to go like this. It's never gone like this.

"Put that goddamn crossbow down!"

"I ain't doin' shit!"

"Everybody, shut up!"

The parking lot falls silent. I hear the footsteps of a third man approaching, slow and calm, like an angry teacher.

"They killed Eric," One of them exclaims. "We heard him shout for us."

"And this piece of shit here killed him. I saw it."

The footsteps slow to a stop, and no response comes. I wait for a gunshot or a punch to be thrown, but that doesn't come, neither.

After the pause has gone on too long, the man hesitates to ask, "Boss, what's wrong? Are we killing 'em, or not?"

"I said, shut up, Gavin."

Oh.

That voice.

Mer—?

No.

Merle is dead.

Merle was chained to roof and eaten by walkers and he's dead and he's gone and I mourned him and ghosts ain't real.

My movements in slow motion, I loosen my grip on Glenn's hand, my body going numb as I dare to peek out around his hip. As the scene reveals itself to me, a curtain pulled over a window inch by inch, everything hits me like a ton of bricks, years, names, memories.

The man standing at the front of the small crowd stares, gawking, at my Dad, unbothered by his confused friends.

When he glances down at me, his arm pointing the gun at us falters.

Our eyes lock, and suddenly ghosts are real.

I can feel myself start to cry, I think.

Merle.

Author's Note.

It's Merle! Is there anything more to say? He's back!

I'm going to have my work cut out for me in the coming chapters. Trauma, emotions. Here we come.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, everyone. 💙

[lostcauses-noregrets]

Sorry to send this to you and you can definitely ignore this question if you want but I do feel very alone that's why I'm sending this to you :(

I joined this fandom 5 months ago and Er*ri is so popular, AoT and Levi are very popular in general, so I was really excited, all my other ships were really underrated or rare, finally I could be part of a big fandom. But after spending some time on Twitter I was really surprised to see how much this fandom... argues? There are surprisingly a lot of people who mock and ridicule everyone who ship Levi with anyone else which, yeah I agree I can't see him with anyone else, but it doesn't sit right with me to mock people :/ it's not just Er*ri to be fair "Er*mika is canon you can't ship them with anyone else" is also a popular statement in this fandom even though they are just fictional characters. And there is this weird trend where Er*ris just.... hate Levi? lmao if it makes sense. I keep seeing them insulting, belittling or reducing him to Erwin's bf which convinced me that a lot of Er*ris are just Erwin stans who ship him with Levi because he was very devoted to Erwin but doesn't like him at all WHICH IS THE REASON I am writing this message because this fandom is so so so SO interesting. Every other fandom comes up with the most ridiculous reasons to explain why their ship is more complex and their characters with 10 mins screen time is actually important while this fandom often reduces this ship to 2 obsessed weird middle aged men hahahaha well it's often Levi is obsessed with Erwin but Erwin sending 15 years olds to their deaths left and right for his own obsession which is.......... yeah. I don't know I saw so many Er*ri accounts (popular ones from my experience) treat Levi like he's the most basic, bland and boring character and only interesting thing about him is his promise to Erwin and I wonder if you agree because I find his character very fascinating and not everyone has to be a Eren or Reiner. That is my point I think ,this idea of reducing a part of your own ship and thus reducing the ship inself to something.... less. Look I'm mentally ill and I keep questioning myself so whenever I see things like that I wonder "damn maybe I made it all up maybe this ship does suck if he's actually just a dumb pawn for Erwin and occasional fuck and he's just obsessed and not really in love" and I spend the rest of the day thinking about why I love the ship. Like I said it's impossible to control this for me and until I read a good fic I doubt my own ship :/ to be fair I think it's only twitter? Fic writers on ao3 is great but when it coems to twitter fandom I have never seen a fandom who hate a side of their ship so much lol Listen Er*ri is my all time favorite ship I have never had a ship this.. idk special? A ship that hit me like this, it's just so good and I read fics religiously (yours are great especially <3) the reason I'm sending is this because a) I felt very sad and even though it's easy to say ignore that part of the fandom the best part of being in a fandom is to interact with others and every time I see things like that I close my Er*ri tabs for a day :/ b) I don't think there is anything wrong with questioning or discussing the parts of your fandom since it has nothing to do with the ship itself AHHH SORRY like I said ignore this if you want I just saw another discussion on twitter exactly like this about Levi being.... nothing basically from Er*ri fandom and like I mentioned my mental illness kinda makes me doubt it all and makes me sad sadfgdsadf :')

I must admit I'm struggling to know how to answer this. Regarding your first point, ship wars are a fact of life in all fandoms. The SnK fandoms are not unique in that respect. Sadly there will always be some fans who prefer shitting on other ships rather than enjoying their own. I find that the best way to deal with these people is to block and mute, regularly and often. I am a bit surprised that you've been seeing a lot of this behaviour recently. I'm not aware of any recent ship war drama, but maybe that's because my block list is working as intended.

Regarding your second point, about Eruri shippers shitting on Levi, this is where I am genuinely confused. In all my years in the fandom this isn't something I've experienced. Sure everyone has their own fave, but I think I can count on one hand the number of Eruri shippers I know who actively dislike Levi or see him as nothing more than Erwin's pawn. Fans will definitely take the piss out of both Levi and Erwin, but it's not intended to be taken seriously. In my experience the kind of fans who see Levi as "basic, bland and boring" tend to be dudebros who claim to be above shipping. Most Eruri shippers I know see both Erwin and Levi as deeply complex and nuanced characters, with a believable adult relationship based on mutual trust and respect.

Having said all that, the Eruri fandom, like any fandom, is not a homogenous unit and you will find lots of different perspectives and preferences. If you come across fans whose take on these characters doesn't match yours, or who cause unnecessary drama, just block and move on.

PS I have no idea what you mean by saying "not everyone has to be a Eren or Reiner."

[happygslfreedomcore]

Guys.. you don't want a yandere bf irl 😭 he's everything I love bc hes a 6ft handsome Russian boy that reminded me of tartaglia and he saved me from kms but a year later in the relationship he used to show up at my school after school so no other ppl talked to me, told me he'd k word anyone that I got too close to, made me block everyone including my gal friends who were my only support, basically isolating me... I didn't wanna stay with him but he made me believe I needed him and that I can't do anything by myself, my body and soul was always rejecting him but my delusions about him from romanticizing our relationship to cope clouded my vision, I don't wanna neglect myself no more... He also had homies and he kept telling me that he was always watching me thru the city cameras... And that people were always watching me... He didn't like that I went to an "opp" school... I'm not affiliated btw but he made that my problem.. there was this emo skater boy that liked me and he found out and he was so mad and scary, he took my phone when he saw that the guy texted me and recorded a video of him trying to claim me... that was embarrassing asf btw.. he didn't let me text anyone actually..... He had access to my accounts too and would judge me on my past conversations with people and put me down, he'd call me stupid dumb and slow, when I'd get offended he'd get all soft and cuddle me... And I have ADHD (diagnosed) and BPD symptoms that make me forget what I'm feeling... He never let me stay away from him for more than 2 days max... So I never had time to process anything

He was always paranoid... Cheated on me hha... Wasted my teenage years bc he didn't wanna break up with me n kept leading me on, and tried to move on while never letting me know, I found out when his sisters told me when I was babysitting them... I thought he loved me bc I rlly fucking loved him, the whole time he was boomin this cokehead whore. I neglected my best friend and family and myself for him...

He made it my problem anytime he felt a person had a crush on me...

Guilt tripped me alot n used my emotions against me, would tell me I'd never see him again if we broke up and implying he'd khs........... argued with me in class/school and the teachers were genuinely concerned.. would mistreat me, I hate that he put me in those situations where I shouldve just been at school and socializing, but he just wants control, broke me mentally... One time we argued over the phone for 5 hours and I just woke up.. after we were done bc I was genuinely tweaking, I called my friend and I realized I actually lost brain cells bc I could barely speak normally and i felt sped. he'd show up to my house and force me to talk to him... I hate him so much... He stole my energy and my passion, sometimes I wish I'd let him die from those drugs... He's always assuming I'm going behind his back n cheating but in reality he's projecting onto me bc he's a whore, unlike me bc I'm pure and clean... I also don't like sex anymore, I feel dirty and unhappy after. mentally I regressed to 13 bc of all the trauma he's caused me... I always wanted someone to save me... There was this girl that liked me and I liked her too but I was scared to leave him and she said she'd save me from him but he manipulated me into blocking her and staying with him... I eventually found god and Jesus and healed enough to function and be able to smile and laugh again, got my passion for art and anime back and went back to my first love tartaglia.. I feel better writing everything down, I'm crying but I'm finally free...

[purplepollywog]

I fucking hate the fact my grandmother acts like she knows everything about me when she was never around. We lived a thousand miles away from each other, and even when I visited for three weeks in the summer she was never home. And when she was, she was insufferable. It's fucking bad when your own family hates you. My mom, my aunt, and my cousin all can't stand her fucking ass (neither could my grandfather so he eventually up and left). I won't even be upset when she finally kicks it. I'm not even sure they will either. She keeps hounding me about therapy and shit when she was part of the fucking problem. She's the one who told me I wasn't as good as my aunt at doing art for my age when my aunt had gotten to go to fucking art school and wasn't told her talents were worthless (this was when I had gone out to live with my grandparents for college, so around 2008-10). She kept forcing me to interact with people I didn't like to artificially 'make friends' with people she considered 'acceptable' to the point I hid in the bathroom crying one night from being overwhelmed. She wouldn't listen to anything I said about feeling like shit and made me hug her afterwards when we argued because she considered herself to have 'won'. I don't love her. I've never fucking loved her. I've even told her several times she's annoying. Fuck off. I wish she never moved here and she's making me want to fucking leave and live in an overpriced fucking apartment I can't afford, or even live out of my fucking Jeep. She can't do anything her fucking self. Everyone else is expected to be her servants waiting on her hand and foot because she's so fucking lazy. It's always we we we we we THERE'S NO FUCKING WE IT'S YOUR FUCKING RESPONSIBILITY.

She left the fucking slider door to her house wide open on Sunday so my mom had to check under the beds and in the closets and tried to blame it on me because her dumb ass left her phone in the house and I went to go get it. The back slider is blocked by a wall from the kitchen to the living room. Her phone was on the table in a place where I wouldn't even see the slider was open, plus I wasn't even looking for a fucking open door. She blames every fucking one else for her stupid bullshit. I'm so fucking tired of her. No wonder my cousin kept fucking drinking when he tried living with her.

She also keeps going on about this stupid church bullshit when she hasn't been a practicing christian since she left home when she was sixteen and married my grandfather (and is no longer catholic because my grandfather was from a protestant family) and she keeps whining about how terrible the country will be when it's 'godless' and how she raised a bunch of heathens like fuck off. Religion has no place in the modern world. All it does is get people killed over ideas that don't even have any grounding in reality and it was, and still is, used as a form of control.

[raggaraddy]

Mouthy

Prompt: You say to Yandere BTS "Oh my god! Just shut up!"

A/N: Couldn't sleep, so I wrote this laying in bed. I hope it's not some sleep-deprived nonsense ^-^

Trigger warning: Yandere themes, violence, emotional manipulation, choking, non-con, D/s themes, examples of a bad D/s dynamic.

Alpha! Namjoon

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You scream it through your bedroom doorway. Storming to the railing of the stairs, you lean over and scream again. "Shut up!"

The sea of people on the ground floor go quiet. Only the music dares to keep making a sound in the background. You skulk back to your room, slamming the door loudly behind you. You had had a long, disappointing day. You were tired and grumpy, and moody and sad. But the dozens of uninvited pack members couldn't care less as their party raged on into the night.

Not allowing you enough time to even climb back into bed, Namjoon storms after you to address your outburst.

"Y/n, go downstairs right now and apologize." He orders.

"No." you mope. Feeling it's a wildly unfair request. All these people are in your house making so much noise when you're trying to sleep. How is it you that's in the wrong?

"Do you think I am asking you? I'm telling you. Get downstairs now." He says sternly. His strict tone making you even more emotional. You just wanted him to be on your side for this.

"But- But I," you sniffle, with tears in your eyes.

"No," Namjoon cuts you off. "I've asked you all afternoon what's wrong. And you wouldn't tell me. So right at this moment, I don't want to hear it. You have been disrespectful to me and my people. So you are going to put some more clothes on and cover-up, and you will go out there and apologize to every single person." He growls, leaving no room to argue. "And you will do it sincerely, or I will give you something to cry about."

King! Seokjin

You didn't say it to his face. You would never be that stupid. But still, you clearly weren't smart enough. While gossiping to a friend, someone you thought was a confidant, you're complaining about a seemingly endless, boring meeting you had to serve today.

"And I just wanted to tell all of them; Oh my god! Just shut up!" You laugh. 

But hours later it's no longer a laughing matter.

"How did you enjoy serving me today, Princess?" Jin asks his tone giving nothing away of what he already knows.

"I enjoyed it. Thank you, your Majesty" You politely smile, thinking his question to be a kindness.

"I often find these meetings so dull. Many of the Lords do like to ramble on. Sometimes I would enjoy telling all of them to just shut up." He speaks the words so purposefully that you know at once you've been exposed.

"My Lord, I-"

"If you are smart you will not say another word." He speaks softly, with a grin on his face. "I want to thank you, Y/n.  I have an endless supply of other people I can hurt. Each one of them is freely at my disposal, but you are my favourite toy." He fills the space in front of you. "However, I am a man of my word. I swore to you that you will be unharmed if you are obedient, and I would not dare to break this vow. Of course, I have sorely missed playing with my beloved little dol, though."

Towering over you he sets off your instinct to get to your knees and grovel, begging his forgiveness for your carelessness. But that would only be a wasted effort.

"So thank you, Princess, for giving me the possibility to hear your pretty cries of pain again. I will make sure to use this opportunity to its fullest."

Assassin! Yoongi

He had been in a hyper mood for 2 days straight. His energy and enthusiastic interaction was something you always craved, but you had never dealt with it this long before and you were losing your sanity and your composure.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You shout at him as your last nerve snaps.

"Okay, Y/n." He gives little to no reaction. "Remember you said this in a month from now when you're begging me to speak to you."

But it didn't take a month. In two weeks you were in tears apologizing. He left you free to roam the house, but he revoked all communication from you. The only times he gave you any attention, was when he forcibly made you stop doing something he didn't like. Or when he wanted you for sex. But still, he wouldn't utter a single word, only bending you over to take what he wanted.

After 5 weeks, just as you thought you'd never hear his voice again, he finally broke his silence. Only to break your heart.

"Listening to you these past few weeks, I realise how much you talk. It's time you take your own advice and shut up. Y/n, I don't want to hear a sound out of you until I say. 5 weeks was easy enough for me. So let's start with that, and then I'll see if I want to hear from you yet."

Vampire! Hoseok

Hoseok was always so animated. Normally it didn't bother you, but he was talking and reacting through yet another movie and you were sick of it. It might have been because you were PMSing or maybe because Hoseok had forgotten to feed you all day, but when he yelled at the TV, you yelled at him.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" And right away you were teeming with regret.

"I'm sorry baby. Am I being too loud?" He laughs with an unexpectedly harmless reply. Playfully but roughly slapping his hand on your thigh. "I'll keep it down."

You're not dumb enough to think that your eruption would go unanswered. So you sit tensely, anxiously waiting to see how he will repay you.

"Baby," he whispers in your ear, after sitting in silence for 20 minutes. "You know I have very strong hearing right?" You nod nervously. Chewing your lip. "Well, your breathing is too loud and very distracting. I can hardly hear the movie. Can you please fix that?"

You know this is going to lead to something horrible, but you have no choice but to do as he says. For the next 10 minutes, you're completely distracted trying to inhale and exhale as softly and shallowly as possible.

"Hmm baby, it's really too much. I can't concentrate on the film." He stands, pulling his belt off. "Here let me help you."

He wraps his belt around your neck, pulling and setting it so tight that it's biting into your skin. Your throat constricting, barely letting you breathe.

As you wheeze and splutter and cough, he holds the end like a leash. Sitting back on the couch, he turns his focus back to the movie without letting you loosen the strap or get away. Your whole body is shaking, your eyes starting to roll back as you struggle to inhale. The belt is cruelly not tight enough to have you pass out though. Only allowing you to sit in your suffering. The sound of your gasping filling the room.

"Ahh, there you go baby. That's much better. Don't worry, it's just while we're watching movies. And there's only two more left in the trilogy."

Playboy! Jimin

He was telling you over and over how sorry he was. How he didn't mean to kiss that girl. That he was drinking. And that she kissed him. It was every excuse and lie he had spouted 100 times before.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You yelled at him. And for a moment it worked. He sat in stunned silence. But as you got off the bed to leave, taking your car keys with you, he chased after you.

"Where are you going?"

"Out Jimin. I need some time alone to think." You scowl.

But he refuses, blocking the door. Holding his arms to either side to barricade you in.

"No, you can't leave! I said I'm sorry."

"Fuck off Jimin, your apologies mean nothing." You say shoving him.

He doesn't accept that. With a roar, he grabs your shoulders throwing you down onto the bed. Quickly straddling you, using far too much force to keep you pinned beneath him. Tearing off the pillowcases, he makes some shoddy but effective restraints. Tying you to the bars on the headboard.

Ignoring your screams and how you struggle he starts to kiss down your neck, pulling at your clothes, rubbing his hands down your body.

"I'm gonna make you feel good Y/n. I'll show you that I only want you, then you'll have to forgive me." He says sounding desperate and unhinged.

You cry and yell for him to stop, trying to buck him off you, but his hand covers your mouth, his other successfully tearing down your panties from under your dress.

"Don't fight me, Angel. Just let me in. And I'll prove I love you the most."

Dom! Taehyung

Finally, Taehyung had agreed to spend some time with you in a social environment. He and you went out to a movie and dinner with some of your friends. They were vanilla friends though, so as an exception, for the day he loosened a lot of the restrictions and formalities you normally had in place.

You, however, you were getting a little too relaxed. While you joked with you're friends, you started to speak to him the same manner. As you and he were playfully arguing about trivia facts you realized you were losing the debate.

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" You joke. But in the company of your friends or not, Taehyung was not about to let you disrespect him. Even in jest.

"Is that how you should talk to me girl?" He asks loudly and in front of everyone, bringing the group conversation to a grinding halt.

His change in tone and his use of the possessive pet name, right away have you back in your place.

"No," you whisper. The sting of embarrassment hot upon your cheeks.

"No, what?" He pushes it.

You can't stand to look up. All of the attention is on the two of you. And even in your peripheral, you can see your friends looking at you judgementally, wide-eyed and in shock.

And he was making it worse by having you use his title around them.

"No, Sir." you surrender, your head hung low.

"Shouldn't you also apologise to the other people at the table? For interrupting our night with your rudeness." He keeps piling on one shame after the other. Stretching out the ordeal.

"No, it's fine." One of your friends tries to laugh off the awkwardness and speed the discussion away from this point. "She doesn't have to."

"Y/n," He prompts you, disregarding what your friend had said.

Thoroughly humiliated, you can't imagine how you are going to repair these relationships or explain this treatment away.

"I'm sorry for interrupting the night with my rudeness." you swallow heavily, hands shaking.

"Good girl. Now mind your mouth. Before you make me embarrass you further."

Mafia! Jungkook

"Oh my god! Just shut up!" you say in a hushed voice. More of a prayer said to yourself than an actual demand you expected Jungkook to hear.

"What did you just say to me?" he lowers the phone, gawking at you.

You really didn't mean to, it just slipped out. He was talking on the phone, going into too graphic detail about how he and his men dealt with a threat recently. You couldn't handle the gruesome details he was recanting anymore and the words just fell out.

"What did you just say? Did you just tell me to shut up?" He repeats again through your nonreply. His tongue running through the inside of his cheek, his jaw and muscles tensing. His voice jumping rapidly from stunned to aggressive.

You're at home alone with him, so you weren't paying much mind to what you were saying. But this afternoon he's been dealing with work. And right now he isn't Kookie, no the person in front of you is Jeon Jungkook. The temperamental Mafia head, who would as likely hit you as he would speak to you.

"I'm sorry," you squeak.

"You're sorry?" He scoffs, slamming the phone down. "If you had said it and meant it, that would be one thing. I could respect that. But you really just can't control your stupid little mouth can you."

"I-" you start a defence, or more a plea for mercy.

"Shut the fuck up!" He growls leaning forward in his seat making you flinch back. Darting his hand out he grabs you by the hair, pulling you back to where you were. "Don't flinch. I'm not gonna hurt you, I'm gonna help you." He smiles.

You wriggle in his clutches, mewling the same trifle apologies under your breath.

"Shhh, my brainless little Kitten. I'm gonna give you a gift." He smirks. "For your own safety, you don't need to talk for the rest of the day. I just need you to come when I call. Sit on my lap when I tell you. And purr for me like a good little pussy." Grabbing your arm harshly, he yanks you off your chair and onto the ground. "There you go, where you belong." He laughs. "You think you can remember to do all that? I know you can. Otherwise, I'll buy you a kat collar to remind you how my Kitten should behave."

[tinyboxxtink]

"Doppelganger" *Part 4*

I don't know why I do this, I'm such a little shit. I'm leaving this here, the biggest cliffhanger yet and I might not get one done tomorrow! MWAHAHHAHAHAHAA. No I'm just kidding, but seriously it might not go up until most of you go to bed so I'm sorry if you miss it!

This had to pick up though, it was kind of lagging. Gotta get that super angst/suspense ramped up!!!

I'll leave you to ponder that now as you go into this, mwhahaaha.

[Side note the position of the gif's *CHEF KISS* MWAH!!! I didn't even try and do that. It's so beautiful.]

Part 3

Part 5

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

@objection-argumentative

-----------------------

You decided to grab Rafael’s favorite dish from a nearby deli, got something for yourself and Gabi, and headed up to the DA’s building.

“Wow, fancy,” Gabi remarked as you walked inside.

“I guess,” You shrugged. You had become so used to it when you worked for him, it wasn’t really anything special to you now. You walked down the hall and noted Rafael's new intern, a young guy of course, on your insistence. You knocked on the door softly, having some ‘nam flashbacks of the last time you knocked on this door.

“You ok?” Gabi asked you with a concerned face. “You look pale,”

That could be due to the fact that Rafael was not answering you, now you really WERE having a PTSD panic.

“Rafael?!” You poked your head in, terrified for some reason. To your relief, he was just on the phone.

“Uh huh, yes, yes sir, alright judge I’ll see you this afternoon,” He smiled at you and waved you in as he hung up with the judge. His face scrunched up when he saw you had a guest with you.

“...Who’s this?” He looked at Gabi suspiciously.

“This is my friend Gabi,” You introduced her as she gave a friendly wave.

“....And when did you meet Gabi, exactly?” Rafael still eyed her warily.

“Excuse me?” Gabi asked in an offended tone.

“Rafael, what are you doing?” You asked him through gritted teeth.

“You don’t think Nevada would have plants?” Rafael kept his eye on Gabi, who was starting to sweat. Gabi’s pulse quickened, she tried her best to keep a cool, calm expression.

“Rafael!” You hissed. “Are you kidding me?!”

“Who’s Nevada?” Gabi played dumb.

“Nobody, nothing-- it’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” You waved your hands dismissively.

“What’s your story, Gabi? Do you have a last name?” He kept on her, noting her quickening nervous state.

“RAFAEL,” You grabbed his shoulder.

“Y/N,” He repeated back at you. He looked at Gabi-- “Can you excuse us a moment?” He then pulled you to the side.

“Baby, please be smart about this--”

“So what, I’m just not supposed to have any friends?” You scoffed.

“You have friends! You have Chloe,” He pointed out.

“Oh my god--” You looked to the side trying not to lose it in the office. “Rafael this is exactly what I’m talking about, you need to stop trying to control my life.. Stop trying to be my FATHER,”

Gabi couldn’t help but laugh as she heard you call him your father; clearly you had some raging daddy issues. Rafael glared at her, making her quickly stop.

“We’ll talk about this later,” Rafael started to walk back to his desk, dismissing you.

“Oh will we, dad?” You crossed your arms. “Am I grounded now? I can’t hang out with my friends until I apologize for talking back to you?”

“Y/N, please leave before I say something I regret,” He clenched his fist.

“No, please go on, father,” You spat. “Please, tell me what else I can and can’t do. Maybe you want to pick out my clothes for tomorrow? Escort me to my classes?” You yelled mockingly.

Gabi was enjoying the show, already planning her celebratory dinner with Nevada. Once he heard she drove a wedge between the two of you so he could swoop in would please him so much, he’d fuck her so fast it would make Marcella’s fake tits fall off.

“....Maybe I wouldn’t have to act like your father if you didn’t act like such a CHILD. God it’s no wonder they didn’t want to come see you!” He pounded the desk, then suddenly realized he had said the last part out loud.

Your face turned pale, your mouth dropped open as tears stung your eyes. You couldn’t believe that he had just said that-- he threw your biggest secret in your face like that, in front of a stranger no less. You stared at Gabi, who looked incredibly uncomfortable and confused. She was secretly celebrating being able to look anything else but as nervous as she felt while being interrogated by Rafael.

“Y/N….I didn’t mean--” Rafael immediately went to your side, trying to hold you and apologize.

“Yes you did,” You growled, trying not to cry. “You know what, I need a break,”

“...A break?” Rafael’s brows furrowed. “From me?”

“Yes, Rafael. A break from YOU,” You turned and started to stomp out of the office but Rafael grabbed your arm.

“Carino come on, don’t do this, not now--” Rafael begged you, still not trusting Gabi’s face.

“Oh right, because if you’re not beside me 24/7 I’m going to get kidnapped or something, right?!” You cried as tears dripped down your face.

Gabi was awestruck she was actually watching this conversation take place. Were they fucking with her? Did they know what was going on?

“I’m not saying that, but-- look please, please, listen to me--” He pleaded with you just as you had pleaded with him at the church that awful day.

“NO, Rafael,” You broke free from his grasp. “I’m tired of you thinking that you’re better than me, that you need to protect me like I’m a baby bird,”

“Um maybe I should--” Gabi motioned towards the door.

“YES you should,” Rafael huffed.

“NO, don’t bother Gabi, we’re leaving,” You huffed harder.

“...I’ll see you at home?” Rafael asked you softly.

“What did I just say?!” You rolled your eyes. “I’ll be at Chloe’s, don’t call or text me for a few days,”

“No, no I can’t do that--” Rafael protested.

“Either that or take this back,” You took off your ring and held it out to him. Gabi began to panic again, she knew she had to get that ring.

“Seriously? Don’t you think you’re--”

“What, acting like a child, Rafael?” You glared at him. “I’m trying NOT to, I just-- I just want to calm down, so just-- give me a few days,” You slipped your ring back on to Gabi’s relief. Then you nodded to her to follow her out and you both left Rafael’s office.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have--” Gabi tried to act apologetic, but was secretly giddy inside.

“No, it’s not your fault,” You wiped the angry tears from your face. “I um...I need some time to myself right now though,”

“Of course,” Gabi nodded as if she was being kind and understanding, but really she couldn’t wait to call Nevada.

“Cool, I’ll um-- I’ll see you in class,” You were so out of it from being so upset you didn’t notice the huge smile crawl across Gabi’s face as she turned and ran the opposite way you were walking, dialing her phone.

“....Vada? I’ve got your perfect in,”

-------

A few days latter was your final. You had to perform Shakespearean monologues on the big main stage of the University, and you were terrified. You were kicking yourself that you had told Rafael you needed space as you paced back and forth backstage. You hadn't talked or texted him since you had stormed out of his office the other day.

“Hey, you okay?” Gabi came up to you from the side door.

“No, I-- I should call Rafa, I need him,” You went to get your phone but Gabi stopped you.

“Well, clearly he knows that,” Gabi gave you a smile, nodding to the audience.

You looked out to see Rafael sitting in the second row of the theater. When he saw you, he gave you a loving look and a small wave. You sighed happily; he knew you better than you knew yourself. He knew you’d need him here, and here he was. You loved him so much, you just wanted to go and kiss him and tell him you were sorry, but there would be time after your test.

Soon enough it was your turn, and you recited your monologue absolutely perfectly-- staring into Rafael’s beautiful green eyes the entire time. As soon as you were done, Rafael stood up and applauded loudly, making you giggle and blush.

Your professor looked a bit annoyed that your fiancé was there making a show of himself, but congratulated you on a job well done. You walked down the stairs and out into the house where Rafael met you with open arms and a dozen roses.

“Mi amor,” He beamed, as you jumped into his arms.

“I’m sorry,” You apologized as you snuggled into his chest. “I shouldn’t have been so--”

“No no no, shhhh,” He raised your face to look at him, his face so tender and pure. “I’m sorry carino, I never should have brought up your parents, I know how much you miss them,”

“Thank you for coming,” You kissed him gently, feeling complete again. He deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue down your throat and biting your lip.

“Raffi!” You broke apart and hit him playfully, glancing around to make sure no one saw such a dirty kiss.

“What? I haven’t seen you in a few days, I missed...this,” He grabbed your ass with both hands. You didn’t know what had gotten into him, although you realized you actually hadn’t spent more than a day apart before since you’d gotten together-- maybe you should punish him more often!

“Well, let’s go take care of that then,” You grinned devilishly, grabbing his own perfect little peaches in your dainty hands.

“I know just the place, carino,” He grabbed your hand and pulled you out the side doors.

You hadn’t realized that Gabi had been missing since before you started your monologue, and you hadn’t noticed that she had taken your phone from your purse while you were onstage. Currently, she was at the front doors of the theater lobby, arguing with….the REAL Rafael.

“Look lady, I don’t know who you think you are, but I think I know my fiancé better than you. She needs me!” He yelled.

“And I’m pretty sure I heard her say she NEEDS space, pendejo,” She blocked him from entering the theater.

“Is there a problem here?” Javi came over, dressed in a campus security uniform.

“Yes sir, this stranger is trying to burst in on a PRIVATE class, to stalk a student,” Gabi acted very concerned for her friend's safety.

“STALK a student--? Are you fucking kidding me? Kid look she’s--”

“I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave, sir,” Javi started to escort Rafael out.

“Excuse me? Look man I’m the ADA of New York I’m not some rando--” Rafael started to argue.

“Anyone on campus without a student or faculty ID is strictly prohibited, sir,” Javi lied. “Even if you are the ADD,” He messed up his title just to fuck with Rafael.

“The ADA!” He yelled as Javi pushed him out the front door and shut it, locking it behind him.

“Well, that was easy,” He smirked at Gabi, giving her a fist bump. Rafael saw it from outside the doors.

That could not be good….

------

Meanwhile

“Rafael” led you to a huge limo, helping you get inside.

“Wow, this is a step up from an Uber,” You joked.

“Well, I knew this was a big day for my baby, and I knew I had a lot to make up for,” Rafael smiled, kissing you deeply as you both got in the car, lips locked.

“God I missed you,” You giggled, kissing him over and over. It was true, even for a few days without him was like torture. His smell, his lips, his touch-- you needed it all.

If only you knew you were about to give it all away to someone you didn’t even know.

[godwithwethands]

lmao i don't know all your shipping preferences but can i say, i much prefer sam with ba'al than with jack (this might be because i'm a high jack/daniel shipper but also, i just prefer the sam/ba'al vibe over the sam/jack vibe)

I'm a multishipper so I ship pretty much everything simultaneously: I love JackDaniel too 🥰🥰🥰 They are so cute and so good for eachother 🥺

Honestly yeah I prefer the vibe of BaalSam to JackSam as well 👁️👅👁️ But that's personal taste and interpretation of course 🥴

Oh no now I feel like explaining in depth why I love Baalsam and why I ship it... oh no... someone stop me 😩... LET'S FREAKING GO I'M GONNA EXPLAIN WHY!!!!

Mino’s “Here’s why I love BaalSam so much” aka just me gathering up the few baalsam crumbs the show writers, Amanda Tapping and Cliff Simon left in their wake....and baking a cake with those crumbs.

Before I start, PSA: English is not my first language, so please bear with me if there are any mistakes 😭

Okay so I feel like at first I can't explain it without mentioning the differences with jacksam, and to all jacksam shippers: I love jacksam to bits too and they're so good, as the show has showed us multiple times, but I miss a little spice here 😩🌶️

I will also briefly talk about things I have found in Baalsam fics that I adore in (Fic points)!! And link back to fics I love with (x)!!!!

(Mid-writing note: I realize I say a lot about Baal and less about Sam, and that is because I just think about Baal way much than I think about Sam, mainly because we have so little Baal screentime compared to Sam’s screentime. I often wonder how/what he feels and try to analyze his behavior closely. 🥺 I don’t do it as much with Sam, sadly 😭

1. The ship dynamic scale (totally made up by yours truly, me 😎)

I often describe the ships I prefer as "A is obnoxious and B is struggling to stay sane" (maybe because it is a description of my own relationship??? 🤔) (this is exagerrated for fun and giggles don't worry i am fine and happy). They are all a variation of this, in different levels. I'd say jacksam fits level 1, Jack being obnoxious sometimes but in an endearing, jokingly, "aww you're such a goof 😍😂" way, and Sam's not really struggling, she just laughs and shakes her head, her heart full of love for her man.

Baalsam on the other hand. Oh boy. They are on level 5 out of 5. What the hell. Baal is obnoxious, in the villain way. And that means, a VERY extra way. He's mean obnoxious. Putting salt in the wound obnoxious. "if you don't shut up I will punch your teeth in/shoot you" obnoxious. Sam is struggling every minute to stay sane with this crazy motherfucker. He's SO MUCH. ALL THE TIME. But joke's on her, she also thinks it's funny. 🤡 That's her sanity flying out the window.

Seriously, Sam has to put her foot down. She has to play Baal’s game and sometimes be mean too. I feel like Baalsam allows Sam to unveil her true potential. A strong woman who takes no shit from men and 2000 years old overlords. She can be 200% true, smug, mean. Maybe JackSam respect each other too much they wouldn’t dare saying/doing some things like Baalsam would  🤔 Maybe Sam is restrained by everything she lived with Jack, the respect she has for him, the 10 or so years spent having him as her superior officer.

A lot think that Sam got her smug from Jack, but I don’t agree: she was smug from the get-go in COFG. She just can’t be too smug with him around or it’d sound like insubordination. Aint she tired of being nice? Doesn’t she wanna go apeshit? That’s what baalsam is. Sam going apeshit and quitting being the perfect nice girl.

Baalsam is an explosive volcano and it ravaged me 😩💖💖💖

2. Baal is a Villain

Send him to horny villain jail!!! BONK!!! 💥🔨

Baal being a villain is VERY important. Villains are so extreme. Everything he does, he does way too hard and too much. His evil plans? As layered as an ogre. Onion. I meant onion. His wardrobe? Nothing but the finest. His love? He'd give his Queen the Universe.

I love that. Everything he does, it's too much. But it's so amazing. Urghhj I love it SO MUCH. Sam is overwhelmed 😩💖 All of that for HER?? Damn, boi either really wants to get laid with her especially or.. 🙊‼️ I love the concept of a Villain’s Love because it knows no boundaries. A villain won’t be held back by things like morals, the love they feel is disproportionate......AND I DONT KNOW Sam being able to provoke this kind of feeling in Baal’s little snake heart makes me lose my absolute fucking mind!!!!! 

Very important too: even if he becomes a SGC ally in one way or another in whatever AU, Baal will still keep his good ol' villain habits. Sam would try to tone them down, but they will always be there. You don't erase 2000 years of bad habits 😭. His first solution will be murder, and she will go "we talked about this." Classical Enemies to Lovers shit  🥴💖 (x)

(Fic point: When Baal does something so extreme yet so so soooo damn sweet for her and Sam can’t believe it??? 10/10 Or when he acts on his villain plans for distasteful jokes and that puts Sam on a tight spot and he immediately feels bad at the unfair treatment she gets because of him (x))

3. The endless verbal jousting

I love watching them being mean to each other. If Baal goes too far, she /would/ hit him, and he would turn his other cheek saying "Do it again, loved it". What a freak 🥴🌶️ (x)

Honestly I just love their little sparring matches, even more so when they do it in front of an audience. Like lmao guys..... y'all flirting in front of everyone what the hell!!! BONK !! 💥🔨 horny jail for both of you. At least Teal’c seems to enjoy their jousting  😂 He even teases them holy shit, Teal’c is the true multishipper in that show!!!!

(Fic point: When they argue and come to a fistfight (mostly Sam hitting and Baal taking or blocking the hits)? HELL YEAH!!!!)

4. Admitting the other’s qualities

I’ll start with Baal:

Baal seems to appreciate the courage Sam shows in front of him. You could explain her confidence in The Quest by saying that at this very moment Baal doesn’t have an advantage on Sam since she’s the one holding the gun. There is something else, and I will bring it up later.

Let’s talk about Reckoning!!!! The situation is different, Baal actually called for help whereas he was supposed to kill everyone on Dakara. And here goes the little sparring match in front of Jacob  🤡 Sam ordering Baal around??? Being smug as hell??? 10/10 love it

It’s the first time he sees her and he’s taken aback. He should look mad, having a woman addressing him like that. But he looks rather surprised and curious of what’s going to happen next. I can literally hear the little “Hm. Interesting.” in his head. Baal enjoys that smug look on her face. Tau’ri female who??? Who IS she!!! Quick gotta be a jerk so she won’t suspect I’m crushing super hard right now!!!! Cliff Simon decided Baal will be the horny one among the System Lords and holy shit he did just that 😂😂😂 i’m sorry i’m just incohenrently babbling at this point I CANT BELIEVE THIS, I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!!!!!! you thought that huge ass post was going to be me thoughtfully bringing points and evidence? nope it’s just me losing my shit.

I believe that, despite what Baal says, he recognizes Sam’s intelligence to some extent. He’s just too proud to say it clearly and is too busy testing Sam’s limits. The more I think about it, the more I feel like he really looked for that punch in The Quest. Some kind of... I don’t know... “What makes you so special, as a female Tau’ri, to be on your kind’s elite scout team? How much can you take before you retaliate, if you retaliate at all? Show me what you’re made of.” kind of thing? Baal has shown some kind of interest in Earthlings in the past. He has studied them while living among them and he seems to like how different they are from other humans, Now he knows she’s as fierce as she needs to be to survive in this galaxy.

Have you sEEN his smile and his laugh after she punched him in The Quest? AFTER SHE TURNED HER BACK TO HIM TOO, OH, MY GOD. He really wanted a drastic reaction from her and he got it.

That is a “I love me a woman who can kick my ass” kinda smile if you ask me  👁️w👁️...

What makes me think that it was a test is: after the punch and Sam’s threat to kill him, he stops being so annoying and they can finally work together. But why? Why did he care about being killed? He was a clone, there’s no way he was still hoping to steal the Sangraal from SG-1, so his mission as this one Baal clone couldn’t be fulfilled anyway. That makes me think that he was just testing Sam’s limits, and maybe having a little fun with her.

(Fic point: I LOVE IT when Baal gets access to the SGC and everyone gets on his nerves because he thinks they are all dumb as shit. But when he talks with Sam, he’s not so annoyed. She can keep up with him. Well, sometimes she needs a little help but- Maybe she’s okay to be with sometimes...(x))

Sam’s turn: 

It’s no problem for Sam to admit Baal’s intelligence. However the idea of working with him just makes her go [grimacing emoji]  😭 😭 😭 She just knows he’s gonna be obnoxious pfahahaha But!! She trusts and values his knowledge nonetheless! She knows that teamed up with Baal, they can solve anything. I believe that’s why she asks him for help so easily despite...Well, Baal being Baal.

I feel like, when you put the "it’s a matter of life and death” thing aside, Sam’s desire to learn could push her towards Baal. She knows there is a lot she could learn from him, and they can work together once he stops insulting her every 5 seconds. She can learn from him in those moments.

(Fic point: I love fics where Sam learns things from Baal... It’s usually very sweet, because Sam is absolutely adorable when she’s excited about science and Baal can’t help but melt a little bit when she smiles so bright at him. Thankful.) 

5. Sam’s kindness 

I said earlier that, as we all know, Baal is a villain. But what’s important here is that he is a Goa’uld System Lord. 

No trust, no kindness and love allowed between those guys. Those would leave the door open for treason and low blows. (See Qetesh in Continuum)

(I believe the only Goa’ulds truly in love we saw were Apophis and Amaun’et)

Now what I tell myself is: that must be pretty freaking lonely. In any shape or form. You can’t have friends, because you can only befriend your fellow godlings who will try to kill you at any given opportunity. Same for mates. 🤔 Baal is just alone at the top of his army and that’s all. What if this isn’t enough? He is different from other Goa’ulds.

What if Sam’s genuine worry and thankfulness towards him in Reckoning were the first time he had someone feel those towards him for like, hundreds, or even thousands of years? Not something distorted and stained by any slave-to-god adoration?

He is soooo surprised. He even stutters a little? At a loss for words when faced with kindness, you, galactic overlord? And she looks actually worried about him and his ship about to go down, when before saying thank you, she asks him what’s going on. I like to think that this first interaction shaped what Baal will think and feel for Sam forever....And that it made him a bit soft for her  🥺 Maybe he sees in Sam (and in the rest of SG-1, see: how much fun he’s having with them during The Quest) a possibility for friendship and maybe more, something he hasn’t considered for A WHILE. He seems to be thinking “did she really say that...wait what do I answer to this...uh....Good luck.......ok i said it. damn that was weird.” 

Also can I briefly talk about this??

Why does Sam look so embarrassed in a “Oh god right Dad is right there and saw all of that hUM.” way 😂 I don’t think she felt like it was creepy, since Baal was just responding to her kindness, and she definetely doesn’t want to talk about her being nice to a System Lord with Jacob bjfdjgbfdg

(Fic point: All I can think of is this fic where Sam gets thrown in a prison cell with a badly beaten up Baal (his symbiote is not able to heal his wounds because of a collar he wears), and she refuses to leave him there to die. They escape together 😭💖💖💖 (x))

6. Sam knows Baal will never hurt her

Maybe this is a result of Sam’s kindness in Reckoning, but Baal made it clear to Sam that he would never hurt her directly. And this is what I was referring to when I said “there’s something else” in Sam’s confidence in confronting Baal. This line below activates all of my monkey braincells because what the hell!!!!

That’s “I kinda like you” in Villain language is it not????? Out of all the things Baal could have answered to “You can kill me if you want”, he decides to say “I would never dream of killing you.” with a voice so soft... oh my god. Talking about soft....

Is it me or Baal’s touch on Sam is kind of gentle....like he doesn’t hold her wrist too tight or anything,,,,  🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭💖💖💖 Because honestly, another Goa’uld would have yanked on her arm so hard to put their hands on that hard drive but no no no he just closes his hand on her wrist and lets her go gently when she pulls out of his grip and AM I OVERANALYZING THIS?????? IM SORRY I GOT THAT TRAIT FROM MY DAD!!!!!!! we just have that tendency to watch things over and over again to notice all the small detailsssss

I like to think that afterwards, once the heat of the moment gone, she noticed that, hey. He /could/ have hurt her very badly, she was at his mercy after all. But he decided against it. Maybe because she’s the only one who’s been nice to him for literal cenTURIES????? HHHNHNHNHNHN I CANT!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE SHE NOTICED IT!!!! And that it’s why she’s so confident addressing him like she does in The Quest.

I think I’ve addressed pretty much everything here and I’m going to talk about more things I like about BaalSam but more on the headcanon side  🤔

Miscellaneous: 

About Baal’s host:

I have said multiple times that Baal is different from other Goa’ulds, and I really don’t think it is just an act. 

He is willing to break the god act, change strategies when he realizes there are better ways to proceed, searching for new allies in drastic situations, etc etc... Baal is way more human than other Goa’ulds.

What if that was because Baal let his host’s thoughts influence his own?

Why wouldn’t there be asshole humans wanting to be hosts to asshole Goa’uld symbiotes? Just like the Tok’ra, but on the villain side? (even if Tok’ras are assholes lol) (except Jacob. I love Jacob) (And Martouf) (I don’t like Martouf but he’s the only one with Jacob that I consider a Real Tok’ra) (The other ones are hypocrites) (ANYWAY!)

I love to think that when Baal doesn’t have the flanged voice, it is his host who speaks, as Tok’ras do. I know symbiotes don’t have to talk with the flanged voice but. Having Baal and his host thinking so alike that it doesn’t matter if it’s the host or the symbiote talking makes so much sense to me. It really could explain his different way of thinking. Baal has shown curiosity for humans and how they think, how to better manipulate them...What if it was because of the good experience he has with his host? It could also explain why he’s the horny one amongst the System Lords 😂 He is just very human in a lot of ways.

Now you’re like “ok but what does that have to do with Baalsam” AND YEAH I HEAR YOU !!!! I just think it may be easier to imagine Baalsam for a non-shipper if you see Baal in that light?  🤔 🤔 🤔 it sure helps Sam seeing herself with him in fics 🥴 I don’t know!!! We know so little about Baal, and there are so many possibilites. I’m going way out of the Baalsam remit but at the same time, I strongly believe those who don’t understand the ship are those who stop their analysis of Baal at Abyss. He is so much more than just “that one Goa’uld who tortured and killed Jack in that one episode”. Baal has so much potential that makes this ship work!! Sam seeing that potential makes this ship work!

Sam hosting Baal (yes, the symbiote):

OKAY OKAY OKAY SO!!! This is something I LOVE to bits!!

That’s a thing that is great if as I said, Baal and his host are on the same wavelength. But it can work without it nonetheless.

Sam hosting Baal, consensual or not, is always ALWAYS such an amazing trope. (x) It’s really something that makes me hyperventilate because it makes them so close...so blended...it’s infinitely intimate... When Baal is in love with Sam, it’s even better. (x) I almost can’t describe it because it is so wonderful. Being able to feel each other’s feelings. Baal healing Sam from inside when she’s injured. Sam deciphering his emotions and most importantly the affection he has for her, especially when he still haven’t confessed it? holy shit it’s SO DAMN GOOD!!!!! The silent conversations they can have within Sam’s head, Baal pouring Goa’uld knowledge into Sam’s mind. It’s just the two of them and I can’t express how comforting that is to read.

i don’t know, random stuff I like i guess, I’m almost done: 

He just really craves her attention huh. Look at that smile, so cute...”I’m smart! Did you know I’m smart as hell? Of course you did. But I Would Like You To Acknowledge It.” He’s even bouncing on his heels, i love when he does that!!!! He is turning towards Sam especially too  😭💖 and she’s just ê____ê LMFAO

(Maybe this is just another “it is my speciality and not yours” moment but hey i like to give him the benefit of the doubt 💖)

Baal being “I’m tired of being a villain, I want to be loved now”...Aren’t you tired of going apeshit? Don’t you want to be nice? just a little bit?

Baal using so much petnames so easily... i’m usually not a fan of those but having him saying “my love, my sweet” etc etc oh fuck!!!!! i don’t know wHY it gets me!!! 

A lot of Baalsam fics are smutty, and while I enjoy that, I still think they have so much potential on the spiritual level. They’re both nerds and they both have so many things to learn from the other. (x)

Baal taking Sam on his ship to show her some neat space stuff.

Baal loving motorcycles just like Sam and modifying engines with naqadah.

Guess i’m just gonna link to fics I love now nvkjfdg and that I haven’t linked to already--

In the Lap of the Gods - Rating: M - Sam gets stuck in a sarcophagus with Baal. Really well thought fic, I love it!!!

The Mating game - Rating: M - Ten dates. Can I call this slow burn? It’s slow but not too slow. Please read this, it’s hilarious and so well written like- this fic makes me lose my absolute shit!

The Mating Game: Endgame - Rating: E - Read after The Mating Game. Honestly yEAH!!! Amazing sequel to an already amazing prequel, what else can I say 😩💖 you got some Host!Sam action in this too!!

Enemy Amongst Us - Rating: E - Hmmmm Sam falling for Baal is always yummy 🥴 It has more than that, it’s pretty wild!!!!!!

Those are not all but they are the ones i prefer 🥺💖💖💖 (along the ones I linked during the essay) 

I think I’m done? Congratulations for reading all of this lmao  😭💖 I hope you can see why I love Baalsam so much now!! They are just SO MUCH FUN!!! 

feel free to send me asks and stuff about this TvT/

[the-dead-skwad]

He left X Reader X Damien Haas

So after a long time of staring at an empty page I have finally wrote something again. This request: Hey! I don’t know if you’re taking requests, but if your are then could I request an imagine where reader and Damien Haas break up and they’re sad and stuff, so the rest of the smosh fam try to get them back together, please? @lula132 

I’m so sorry it too so long.. but here is one of two ideas I had. I can post the other when I finish it. I finally got over my writer block. 

You were lying face first on the sofa yet again. In the background you could hear some anime show playing but you had no energy to move and actually watch it. Swimming in your own thoughts the sound of your front door opening made you jump.

"Jesus Christ!" Courtney's voice boomed across your open plan living room.

You lifted you head revealing two wet patches from your tears. "Hey." You sniffled.

"Awhh buddy." She pushed your gross tissues off the sofa with a pen and sat down next to you. "How you feeling?" She wrapped an arm around you and pulled you in for a cuddle.

"Erm.. I'm gonna be honest, not so great." You sniffled again "I feel like my heart got shit on."

"I don't understand man.. None of us do." She squeezed you tighter.

"He just left.. No reason, no sorry, just gone."

"He's in Japan at the moment."

"I know, I saw his instagram." You snuggled closer into her "Maybe he met someone over there the last time he went. That's literally the only thing I could think of."

"I never thought he would ever do that to you man... Did he leave any of his things here?"

"A few hoodies, some games, not much." You pulled on the jumper you were wearing "I swear this one stills smells like him."

"No offence dude, but you straight up smell like beer and Cheetos."

You half smiled at her "You're an asshole."

"But Ian said you were coming back in tomorrow."

"Yeah, I am. I can't stay away forever."

"Okay then, " She pulled away from the cuddle "Lets sort your stinky ass out. Get a shower, clean up this place, get you outside, fresh and ready for tomorrow."

"Christ." You sighed as you stood up "I guess I have to."

--

The beeping of Courtney's car snapped you out of you day dream, almost spilling your coffee. You picked up your work bag, placed your mug in the sink and headed out. She sat in the car smiling and waving like a mad man as you locked the door.

She wound the window down and music blasted out. She sung at the top of her voice, while you prayed none of your neighbors were watching you.

"Hey!"

"Oh jesus!" The creepy old lady that lived next door popped up from behind her fence scaring the life out of you. "Good morning Mrs Kersh."

"Nice to see you out of your pajamas, not crying."

"Thanks!... You nosey old bitch." The last part was under your breath.

You jumped in the car, "Who the hell is that?" Courtney tried looking around you at the old lady.

"One of the noseyest old bags I've ever met." You slapped your knees "Anyway, lets do this.. I'm ready to go back to my shared office, that I share with the man you broke my heart."

"No!" Courtney shouted at you "You got 3 days before he's back from Japan. None of this sad shit. We are all coming together to cheer you up."

"Fine." You smiled at her.

--

The first thing you saw as you pulled into the parking lot was Shayne’s smiling face. You jumped out the car and he ran to you squeezing you as tight as he could.  "Oh" he spoke into your jumper "I wanted to come see you.. but I didn't want to upset you."

"It's okay man. I understand, he's your best friend." You squeezed him a little tighter till you both let go.  

Walking into the office everyone was smiling at you but in such a weird way. You walked to the ballpit and sat at your desk. You were faced with a photo of you and him just smiling your dumb faces off. "Ugh jesus." You put your head on your desk.

"Hey." Noah's sweet little voice came from behind you "I made you a coffee."

"Oh thanks.. That’s super sweet."

"How are you?"

You smiled "I'm fine man.. yanno its a break up. Yeah he broke my heart but I'm not dying. Everyone is just looking at me super weird."

"Yeahhh, they just don't want to upset you. It's a difficult situation."

"I'm just going to get my head down today, got so many emails and scripts to look at at."

"Good, if you need anything." He gently patted you on the back.

"Thanks Noah." You smiled as he walked over to his desk. You put your head phones in and focused on your computer.

Only a few minutes had passed and you were trying to ignore the commotion going off behind you. Usually it was just Shayne doing something stupid. But then again you could do with cheering up a bit. You took your head phones out and spun in your office chair. Looking across the office everyone was stood in a group. That's when your heart fell out of your ass. He was stood there smiling as though nothing had happened. Your mouth was dry and you felt cemented to your chair. 'I gotta get out of here.' You thought to yourself. As you stood you felt as though the whole room had shrunk and everyone was looking at you. It wasn't true, you grabbed your mug and ran to the kitchen as fast as your could.

While the coffee machine did it's thing you stood with your hands on the counter, just staring at nothing. Your heart was pounding out your chest when someone in the door way made you jump "I'm making coffee!" You almost screamed it.

"Okay dude.." Luckily it was Courtney.

"Sorry, I'm just freaking out..." You looked at her "Like bad."

She ran over to you and hugged you  "Awhh, I didn't know he was going to be back today. I'm sorry."

"Its okay." You hugged her back. "Do you reckon I could sneak out the window?"

"This is your work as much as it is his." She put both her hands on your arms holding you in place "Now, get out there, flip that hair and show you are a strong woman!"

"Sir yes sir.." You mocked her. She kicked you as you left the room. You ran back into the kitchen.

"What! Do I need to walk out there with you?"

"No, I forgot my coffee." Taking the mug you left again. You took a deep breath and held your head high. Making no eye contact with anyone you sat at your desk.

"Hey."

"Jesus.. I swear like 5 people have made me jump today." You turned to the person on the desk next to you and your smile dropped.

"You look nice." Damien tried to smile at you.

You took a breath to gather some courage "What are you doing?"

"Y/N I'm sorry but.."

You cut him off "You don't get to say anything, look I don't want to argue or even talk about this while we're surrounded by all our friends and colleges. But I know we have to talk so.." You looked around "I know Smosh games is empty because Mari said she won't be back for a few days."

"Okay, I'll go put my lunch in the fridge and I'll meet you there."

--

You had been waiting for around 10 minutes and you were getting more and more wound up. Going over all the things you wanted to say to him. The door opened and the look on hias face just stopped all that anger instantly.

You groaned "This is so much harder than I thought it was going to be."

"What?" He sat in his gaming chair.

You sat in yours that was of course right next to his. "Well, we had this whole life together. A house, cats, we wear each others clothes, we work basically on each others knee everyday, we even have the same friends." You sighed "How can we possibly live normally with out being together? And I know we did it before but..."

"Y/N" He cut you off this time "Stop talking... Just for a second and breathe." He took both of your hands in his, you wanted to pull away but your heart was aching for him "I know I messed up really bad but I still love you."

"How can you say that?" A tear fell down your left cheek "You left me alone in our house, went to another country with out even a good bye. No explanation, nothing." You sniffled and looked at him dead in the eye "You broke my heart Damien."

"I am so so sorry." His voice was low "I panicked and I wish I could change what I did. I know how much I hurt you and it hurts me knowing I was the person to make you feel like this. But I pray deep down that one day you can forgive me for leaving you."

"What do you mean you panicked? Damien... We've been together for 4 years. Nothing new was going off."

"The day before I left I bought this." He reached into the front pocket pf his bag and passed you a small box.

"What the flying fuck is this?" You opened it and was faced with a beautiful engagement ring. "Are you serious?"

"Look.." He sounded panicked "I don't want to to answer but I bought this then I freaked out and I just fucked up big time. I don't even know if we're actually together right now but just hold onto it and I stay in our spare room for now."

"Okay.." You put the ring on your pocket "I suppose I'll think about it." You walked over to the door and pulled the handle down but the door was locked "What the hell?" You pulled on the door a bit to no avail.

"Sorry guys!" Courtney's voice came from the other side of the door "You're not coming out till you sort this out."

"You were made for each other so fix it!" Shayne screamed at you.

You turned and smiled and Damien "Fuck."

[cherry-ber]

Too drunk to fuck pt.9

Previous | Part one

Whatever that text was supposed to mean, you didn't care. You purposely ignored and avoided Mark the whole week, and after a few ignored messages, he gave up, and seemed to understand what you were probably thinking, every day Jaemin walked you home -because then you'd spend more time together than if he drove, he said- after a day in school with your new friends, and every day promised to be better than the last one. Friday came sooner than expected, and you got up earlier to dress extra special, tonight's dinner with Jaemin and your parents, although excited, made you incredibly anxious. So many things could go wrong.

When the classes were over, Jaemin was waiting for you outside of your classroom, holding your hand and giving you a sweet kiss as soon as he saw you. He carried your bag as you walked to his car, before you were home for dinner, he figured it would be nice to have a real first date, not a risky late night trip or an awkward meeting with your parents. He'd never done that, dating had never been important for him, he was too busy, and too invested with his deals and his friends, no time for girls and feelings at all, but he did a great job at planning, though. He took you to a museum, fair enough, you had to go as an assignment from Art class, but when you asked him to be your museum date, he was absolutely into it, then he took you to an ice cream parlor, a cute one, with the prettiest walls and decorations, and the best ice cream you've ever had. He took you flower picking, and to a park with lots of dogs being walked, and finally back home, just in time for you to be earlier than your parents. He greeted them politely, and your father was happy to see him again. Jaemin looked as handsome as he always did, but putting on his good boy persona, he looked softer and nicer than he usually did. His hair was pushed back, and he was wearing a light, baby blue sweater, that matched your baby blue, princess dress, your mom wasted no time mentioning how cute it was that you wore matching outfits, although it was actually a big casualty you did.

They had many, too many, questions for him. How you two met, how long you'd been friends, what classes you had together, what did the rest of your friends do, what did he want to do for a leaving, what were his plans after school. Jaemin handled every single question and gave an answer to every question that astonished your parents.

Jaemin's phone received a bunch of calls, he never picked up, arguing that if it were truly important, no one would really call him, but when your parents stood up the table for a couple minutes, and he finally had time to check his phone, all the calls were Mark's, but he left no message, and your date assumed it was, probably, not important at all. Usually, at least some months ago, on Fridays they'd be going to the abandoned warehouse, get drunk and have a race, or maybe they'd be shoplifting, attending their clients and playing dumb when they got caught, and although Jaemin, and the rest of his friends, knew it was bad, a tiny particle in his mind is telling him that he should be doing that right know. There's a part of them that has accepted the path they started walking so long ago, and it's a shame that they did, since the could be doing so much better.

After the food, and the awkward, intrusive, questions were out of the table, Jaemin suggested you went to Jeno's place again, and because you had no interest in staying home, you agreed, asked your parents permission to be home, and reluctantly they said yes, although you knew they agreed basically because Jaemin is too convincing, and too likeable.

He drove with the windows down, which made the chilly air play with his hair, giving him this absolutely attractive, messy hairstyle, and then all you wanted to do was to make him stop and kiss him while you ran your fingers through his hair. The annoying ringtone of your phone got your mind back to where you were sitting, and looking at the notification bar, you notice how many texts from Mark you got all day long, last one being received in thus exact moment.

“Friday, 7:15 a.m, Mark ♡:

hey”

“can we meet today?”

“Friday, 8:30 a.m, Mark ♡:

are you free after this period?”

“Friday, 9:48 a.m, Mark♡:

are you okay?”

“Y/N”

“???”

“Friday, 2:45 p.m, Mark♡:

are you at home”

“did I do something wrong?”

“Friday, 4:04 p.m, Mark ♡:

I think you hate me?”

“wait”

“you're with jaemin right?”

“Friday, 6:36 p.m, Mark ♡:

So i saw jaemin driving”

“And i was about to get close”

“and then i see you on the passenger side”

“you couldve replied, yk”

“Friday, 7:19 p.m, Mark ♡:

Ans know im fucking drunkk”

“fuck yOu”

“actually no”

“Friday, 8:58 p.m, Mark ♡:

hu sorry im liken really rly drunk”

“im at jenooossssss'”

“ypu should comeb too”

By the time you finished reading, it was too late, Jaemin had already parked, and when the men inside noticed, all of them, except Mark, came out to greet him, and when they saw you, they couldn't look happier. They urged you inside, but before you could get to the living room with them, Jeno stopped you and Jaemin.

“So, look, Mark is... Kinda sensitive right now” he looks into his direction, Mark sitting on the floor, with his head head resting on Renjun's lap, he's laughing and smiling and rubbing his hands on the carpet “I don't know what he had, he's drunk but, I think he might be high too”

Jaemin makes an effort to keep his annoyance unseen, remembering that every time Mark drinks, it's a mistake, a mistake that he's gonna have to solve.

“Just” Jeno knows, Jeno can read Jaemin like a book, and although he agrees that they shouldn't be the ones caring after his oldest friend, he can't let him alone whenever he needs them “don't mind him, he's saying weird shit, he's harmless”

Jeno sits in the couch next to Renjun, trying to block Mark's view of you, but when you walk in, holding Jaemin's hand, he loses it. His laugh is insanely loud, and it's almost scary, making Jaemin squeeze your hand harder between his, and he grabs someone's drink and takes it in a single sip, you can tell it was strong, because of the face he's making. Suddenly, everyone in the room is uncomfortable, waiting for someone to make the next move.

After minutes of staring at the wall in front of him, Mark stands up, tumbling when he does, and walks closer to you, stopping when you are just a few centimeters away from him. Jaemin reacts immediately, pushing Mark away from you, and putting himself between you two. Mark giggles, he looks innocent, and when you're about to apologize to him, that sweet look disappears.

“Are you really gonna let her get between us?” he asks jaemin, arrogance in his tone, and absolutely spiteful when he looks at you.

“You're drunk, go home” all eyes are on them both, but no one really dares to interfere.

“Is that all you're going to say?” he walks closer to Jaemin, and although he wishes that Mark doesn't do anything else, he's ready for whatever he tries “is that it, huh? I give you a home when you need it, a job, money, my time” he grabs Jaemin by the collar of his shirt “I let you into my life” Renjun rushes to you, dragging you out of the room, meanwhile Jeno and Donghyuck try to get Mark and Jaemin away from each other.

Everything happened too fast, and you can't even complain when Renjun walks you upstairs to Jeno's room and locks the door. You can hear the screaming from downstairs and there's nothing you can do to help. Your mom couldn't have possibly chosen a worst time to call, lying, you tell her that as soon as the movie you're watching is over, Jaemin will drive you back home.

Jisung and Chenle are leaving, after Renjun insisted that they shouldn't be there, although they are worried, they know there's not much they can do, and promise to be ready if something else happens, they say you goodbye from the porch, and offer to walk you home, but you know you can't leave just yet.

Jeno was successful in calming Jaemin down, but Mark wasn't going to stop until he got what he wanted, Donghyuck and Renjun getting tired of dealing with him, but doing it anyway because the idea of what could come next was too scary. Jaemin unlocks the door, and brings you back down, with Jeno and himself protecting you from whatever Mark could try, going outside and into his car. Jeno apologizes to the both of you, and runs back inside.

Jaemin doesn't speak in the whole way back home, when he stops, he opens the door for you, walks you to the door, and says sorry when you open the door. You can only shake your head and give him a kind smile, hoping that he understands what you are trying to say. He drives away, but instead of going home, as you wished he did, he takes the way back to the mess, you watch him drive off, and you can only hope that things don't end up too bad.

“Saturday, 1:26 a.m, unknown number:

Don't panic, but Mark's in the hospital”

next♡

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

A.N: well that escalated quickly 😳

HeyyYYYyYy I'm finally bringing this back, after, well, i got notes from the whole series again. I hope you're having a good time guys, be healthy, be safe.

[helloalycia]

cheater [three] | kara danvers

summary: Kara catches on to the way you're distancing yourself from her and tries to get to the bottom of it.

warning/s: none (I think?).

author's note: This is the final part to the mini imagine so I hope you like it! I'll be posting a lena one tomorrow :)

part one | part two | masterlist | wattpad

A few weeks had passed since Anna had spoken to me, and in those few weeks, I had become more aware of how I was treating those I cared about. Specifically, Kara.

I still hung out with her and spoke to her, obviously, but I was cautious as to how much of myself I was giving out. I didn't want to appear reliant, clingy or annoying towards her. She didn't deserve that and I didn't want to risk her leaving me because of it. We still went out for lunch and hung out at each other's flats, but it was less frequent than usual. Anytime I thought I was inputting my opinion into her life, I drew back. If we were hanging out, I cut it a little shorter. I didn't want her to feel trapped.

I thought it was going well, really well actually. I thought I was doing it right, having her as a friend without suffocating her with my apparent power to over-care. But then she confronted me about it and I knew I'd screwed up.

I was photocopying something when she approached me, cornering me in against the photocopier.

"Hey," I greeted her, smiling politely before realising she wasn't smiling back. "What's up?"

"I'm hoping you can tell me," she said, crossing her arms.

"I don't understand."

She sighed, her blue eyes staring back at me with confusion. "Did I do something wrong? Have I upset you somehow? Are you angry at me?"

I immediately shook my head, stepping forward to place a hand on her crossed arms. "Kara, no, of course not! What's made you think that?"

She breathed out through her nose, uncrossing her arms. "You've been very withdrawn recently. I feel like I may have offended you somehow."

I pursed my lips, feeling my face go warm. "You haven't... I don't understand. Things are good between us. We hang out. We talk."

"Barely," she added. "You seem off with me. Distant."

I tried to laugh it off. "Kara, I don't get it. I'm fine!"

Her blue eyes darkened as she searched my expression curiously. "No, you aren't... I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong."

I gave her a knowing, albeit, nervous look. "Kara."

She shook her head, jaw locked with certainty. I tried to walk away, but she blocked my exit by stepping in front of me. I tried to side step her, but she simply followed, cornering me in with the photocopier.

"Kara, this is stupid and you know it," I complained, no longer joking now.

"What's stupid is how you've been acting lately," she said, just as seriously. "What is going on with you?"

I upheld her stare, determined not melt under her gaze and give in. I tried again to get out of that corner, but she was too quick and way stronger than me, so she stopped me every time. I sighed, feeling my stomach twist uncomfortably.

"It's not a big deal," I said quietly, avoiding her eyes.

"What isn't?"

I chewed the inside of my cheek nervously, before realising I had no other choice but to tell her the truth. I couldn't lie to Kara – she'd see right through me.

"Anna spoke to me a few weeks ago," I said, in a nonchalant way, hoping Kara would realise it wasn't an issue. "She told me she loved me still and wanted to get back together."

Kara's expression faltered as she widened her eyes with surprise. "What?"

"It was dumb on her part," I explained, feeling a sudden urge to let Kara know I wasn't interested. "I've moved on."

Kara pursed her lips with concentration as I continued.

"I reminded her that she cheated on me and she basically told me why," I said, giving a small smile to hopefully refute the pain that was returning in my heart. "I am apparently too loving to those I care about."

"What?"

I breathed out slowly, losing my smile. "She said I was too good. Too perfect. Too caring. I was too suffocating and so I pushed her away. It's dumb because I know I shouldn't care what she says, but it stuck with me."

Kara had an unreadable expression and I began to feel guilty.

"Look, Kara, I'm really sorry," I said, meeting her eyes. "I never wanted to make you feel like you were doing something wrong. I just, I thought that if I backed off a little... you know, gave you some space. Cared a little less. That you might stay around. I didn't... I didn't want to risk pushing you away like I did with Anna. I'm... I'm really sorry..."

I waited for a response, verbally or even a hint of an expression, but she simply stared at me with frozen eyes. I genuinely thought I'd screwed up, that she was fed up of my shit and was ready to call it a day with our friendship. Instead, she said nothing and stormed off angrily.

"Kara!" I called after her, before following her down the hall.

She was quick, as she manoeuvred around everybody, eyes searching the offices for somebody, I didn't know who. I kept calling her, trying to catch up to her but bumping into several colleagues instead. What was she up to?

"You!"

I saw as she found who she was looking for – Anna – and widened my eyes, realising what would happen.

"You are the most selfish, egotistical, manipulative woman I have ever met!" she yelled, storming towards Anna and getting in her face. "How dare you make Y/N question her relationships, our friendship!"

"What the hell are you talking about, Danvers?" Anna growled, pushing Kara back.

Kara seemed furious as I finally reached them. People were beginning to take notice of the two angry women and I managed to step between them before things escalated further.

"Woaaaaah, Kara, calm down," I said, blocking her vision of Anna and instead trying to get her to look at me. "Kara."

"You didn't deserve her." Kara glared daggers to Anna just before I managed to drag her away.

Reluctantly, Kara followed as I led her to a deserted conference room – anywhere to get away from Anna and what I was sure would soon be a fist fight if I hadn't stepped in.

"Kara, what the they hell?!" I shouted after closing the door.

Kara's jaw was clenched with anger as she shook her head. "I never liked her! She's always thought she was the best! That she could have anything she wanted!"

"Kara!"

"She hurt you!" she yelled, finally meeting my eyes. "It's her fault, all of this!"

My mouth closed as I breathed out through my nose, trying to find some way to argue her point, but she was right.

"She cheated because she's a horrible person, not because you care too much," she said with certainty. "One of the best things about you, Y/N, is that you care as much as you do. You make people feel seen and you make them feel good. And that isn't a bad thing at all!"

I felt embarrassed as she spoke, mostly because when she said it, it seemed right. Like I couldn't question it at all and that everything I thought about myself was false. Kara always sounded so certain that one couldn't help but want to believe her.

"She is hurting you even when you let her go," she said, swallowing hard. "She never deserved you, Y/N. And I hate that she's made you doubt yourself."

I didn't think Kara cared this much, yet she seemed so invested and it made me feel good, to know I had someone who actually cared.

"She never deserved you," she stated, her eyes glassy. "I'm sorry for shouting and getting angry, but she never did."

"Kara..."

Seeing her this upset made me feel guilty, and also hurt. I didn't think it would have this much of an effect on her.

"You're a great person, Y/N, one of the best I know. And you deserve someone who can see that. Someone like..." She paused, locking her jaw as she glanced at the ceiling before meeting my eyes. "Someone like me."

It took me a moment to realise what she'd said, and when I made sense of it, I was taken aback.

"Someone... someone like you?"

"Yes," she said, blue eyes softening as each second passed.

I felt my heart beating quickly the longer she stared, and it only intensified when she stepped closer to me, enough for me to feel the warmth of her skin.

Her eyes darted to my lips very obviously and I found myself drawn to hers, wanting to feel them against mine. She raised her hand, pressing it to my cheek, causing me to look her in the eyes again.

"How long?" I got out, feeling stupid for not realising sooner.

She licked her lips. "A long time."

I didn't know what to say, how to respond to that. It made sense though, now that I thought about it. Especially with how protective she'd been over me when it came to Anna. I thought it was her being a good friend, but it was a lot more than that.

Her other hand rested on my waist, sending shivers up my spine, before she moved closer and pressed her lips against mine. I closed my eyes and let her, resting a hand on her chest and returning the kiss.

I didn't realise how much I'd wanted to kiss her until now when it was actually happening. She was gentle yet passionate and I knew that she'd been bottling this up for awhile now, since she was kissing me like she was afraid it would be the first and last.

We pulled away soon enough, to my dismay, and I found myself staring into her pools of blue, attempting to puzzle together the confusion that was my brain.

"I think...," she spoke gently, her breath tickling my lips because of how close we still were. "I think that you deserve better than her. That you deserve me. And I'm here. If you want me."

I was still catching my breath as she looked between my eyes, calm and collected. I didn't know what to say – everything was happening quickly, too quick for me to keep up.

"And if you don't, which it seems you don't," she continued, stepping back and smiling awkwardly, "I can be your friend. Though that might be a little strange now."

I watched as she backed up awkwardly, nearing the door.

"Kara, that's not it," I spoke, earning her attention. "I don't– I don't know what to say. This happened quite fast and... I'm still trying to acknowledge the fact that you, well, you like me."

"I didn't mean to confuse you," she said, pressing her lips together as she nodded. She opened the door and glanced at me. "I'll go. Sorry if this messed things up. I just couldn't hold it in any longer and you deserved to know the truth."

I watched as she smiled once more before leaving. I tried to think of something to say to stop her, but I was still tongue-tied. And then she was gone.

***

I knocked on Kara's door and waited impatiently for her to answer. I could barely keep still, all of my thoughts wanting to burst out of my head. I had so much to say to her and I was never good with my words, but I didn't have time to write this down – I had to let her know how I felt.

She finally answered the door and seemed confused, but she smiled nonetheless.

"Hey, Y/N..."

"I should have come sooner, but my mind has only just decided to co-operate with my heart, so I'm here now," I explained, knowing it didn't quite make sense when I said it aloud.

She nodded slowly, still staring at me with furrowed eyebrows. She stood to the side, signalling for me to come in and I did, glad to not be stood in the same spot.

When she closed the door, I spun around and breathed out.

"You want a drink?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, no, I just need to tell you this," I said, cutting straight to the point. "You've helped me through a lot, and it probably would have taken a lot longer for me to be okay after everything that happened with Anna if it wasn't for you."

Kara nodded, looking like she wanted to speak, but thankfully, she let me continue.

"I care about you a lot, Kara. I do. I don't want to lose you, not now that I know what it's like to have you in my life. I thought that the way I cared about you was platonic. But then you told me everything you did and you kissed me and it was... it was perfect." I breathed out slowly. "I don't want to lose that."

"Why do you keep saying that?" Kara finally spoke up, shaking her head. "Why do you think I'm going to leave?"

I chewed on my lower lip as I glanced at my shoes. "As I said yesterday, I tend to care too much and evidently, that makes people want to leave. Or in my case, cheat."

"And as I said yesterday, that's completely false," she said, grabbing my hand and squeezing it gently. "I would never do that to you."

"I'm not saying you will," I said, shaking my head. "I just, I don't want you to think that... god this doesn't make sense..." I groaned to myself. "I know what I want to say, but it makes no sense."

"Tell me what you're scared of," she said sternly, eyes glued to mine with a look of determination. "Tell me exactly what you're thinking, Y/N."

I avoided her eyes as I tensed my jaw nervously. "You're not like her... I know you're not." I rolled my eyes at how silly I sounded. "But I overthink. And I can't help but wonder if it'll happen again. We might get together and it might be great, but then I'll do something wrong and you'll get tired. And I don't think... I don't think I could take that. Especially if it meant losing you."

"Y/N, are you going to look at me?"

I reluctantly raised my head to meet her eyes.

"Do you remember when we first met?" she asked, her blue eyes sparkling beautifully.

I wondered what relevance that had, but I nodded. "Yeah... you showed me around when I first got the reporter job. You were Miss Grant's assistant back then."

She smiled reminiscently. "Exactly. And do you remember when we first properly hung out?"

I nodded. "You asked if I wanted to get coffee together because we had the same break."

"Yep. And what about when we exchanged numbers?"

"Kara, I don't understand wha–"

"Just answer," she said, giving me a knowing look. "I have a point."

"Okay... you asked me to add your number when you said you couldn't find your phone and I rang it off mine. It was under your desk."

"And do you really think I misplaced my phone under my desk?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow.

I pulled a face. "Well... now that you say it aloud, it sounds kinda dumb."

"Uh-huh. Now, what about the first time we hung out outside of work?" she asked, smiling at me adorably now.

I was growing agitated, mostly confused at what her point was. Nonetheless, I answered. "We were tracking down some contacts for an article and finished pretty late. You asked me if I wanted Potstickers at a place you know."

"Okay, I know you wanna slap me for all these questions, so I'll cut to the point," she said with an amused smile. "One more question though. Do you know what all of those instances have in common?"

I sighed. "No idea, Kara."

She began to play with my fingers between her hands as she chuckled. "It was me who asked you everything. I initiated our friendship always. I always wanted to hang out. One may argue that I am the clingy one in our friendship."

She was smiling knowingly, but I was still confused.

"What?"

She laughed at my expression. "Your fear? Of being the overly-caring one? Of pushing me away because you're too involved? It's been proven wrong by the likes of me. It's impossible for me to leave because I'm the one who doesn't leave you alone. I'm the one who wants to be around you."

I realised what she was saying and didn't know how to respond. Once again, Kara Danvers had a way of sounding right and making me feel wrong. I had no choice but to believe her words.

"That time I asked you to go out with me for coffee? That was when I began to like you," she admitted. "And the time I asked you to get Potstickers, that was when I fell in love with you. Which, by the way, is another thing you should consider. I'm in love with you, Y/N. And I know you probably don't feel the same, but you should know. Because that means I loved you first, which means, once again, I'm being super clingy."

I felt my lips lifting into a suppressed smile as she watched me confidently, a comforting smile on her lips.

"I'm here, if you want me," she said seriously, though her eyes were gentle as they stared through mine. "I promise you won't lose me."

I breathed out, feeling my eyes go blurry a little. Her revelation had made me a lot more emotional than I thought, but it was good. My heart was swelling with adoration, the first in a long, long time.

"Well, firstly, fuck you for making me cry," I said, letting go of her hand to wipe the corners of my eyes. She laughed as I met her eyes again. "Secondly, you're the only person I've ever met to say things as sweet as those. Thank you."

"I meant every word," she promised.

I cracked a small smile. "Thirdly... you really fancied the shit out of me back when we first met, didn't you?"

She rolled her eyes playfully, but her cheeks were turning pink; it was my turn to laugh.

"What do you say to giving us a shot?" she said, staring at me, a hint of hope in her expression.

I nodded. "I want to make this work. I actually fancy the shit out of you, too, Kara."

Her smile widened into a grin, making her eyes squint up adorably.

"I think it's my turn to initiate something," I joked, before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her lips.

I knew that I would always worry about my relationships, second-guess genuine actions and hesitate over little things – it was inevitable after what Anna did to me – but one thing I was certain of was Kara. It would work out, despite my fears. She reassured me always.

I trusted her.  

[creambunnie]

For the best

you tapped your foot as you glared at your boyfriend, Haechan , who was laughing with your girl classmate . you , Haechan and your other classmate, Seungyeon, were assigned as a group for a class research. you were pissed. no not because your boyfriend was talking to another girl. no you were not that childish and petty. you were pissed because everytime you tried to suggest your ideas or opinions, Seungyeon would interrupt you , cutting you off completely. what you were really pissed about was that Haechan didn't even defend you. he smiled apologetically to you and listened intently to Seungyeon's words. you were also aware on how Seungyeon smirked here and there when she got your boyfriend's attention all to herself.

you honestly didn't care and could handle this well if it was a one time thing. the problem was, you had sat in the same cafe 3 times for the group discussion which went the same as today. you would always be cut off and you would be glaring at the both of them who were obviously flirting with each other more than discussing for the project.

you quickly stood and 'accidentally' slammed the table, startling the two flirts.

"i'm just gonna go to the ladies for a while,". you excused yourself. Haechan gave you a soft smile and nodded while Seungyeon rolled her eyes at you for interrupting her conversation with Haechan.

you went out of the cafe and decided to go to your bestfriend's place which was technically Haechan's house too.

your besfriend, Jeno, was Haechan's housemate. he was the one who introduced the two of you to each other. you've been ranting to him about Haechan's behaviour during discussion and told him about your insecurities. Jeno tried his best comforting you and you really appreciate his help.

Jeno opened the front door seconds after you knocked. "he messed up again?". you nodded to his question and entered the house. Jeno sighed and went to the kitchen. "drinks?". you shook your head as you placed your bag down. Jeno smiled softly and went to the sofa, sitting next to you. you scooted closer to Jeno and rested your head on his shoulder. you draped one of your arms on his stomach while Jeno wrapped an arm around you as he played with his phone . you felt the warmth that you've been craving for after your older brother passed away. Jeno was like an older brother to you and he protects you like how a brother does. your relationship was like a simple siblings relationship. there for one another though you guys always argue over petty things.

Jeno looked at your phone when he felt it vibrate a few times. he was about to ask you to pick up your phone but he noticed that you fell asleep. he quickly took your phone and answered the call before the vibrations wake you up.

"hey babe? where are you? why aren't you replying to my texts?". Jeno heard Haechan's voice from the other line.

"oh Haechan. yeah she's here. i guess she's just tired. yeah come back hurry, she is just taking a nap. alright, see you.". Jeno hung up and sighed. Jeno carressed your shoulders as you curled in closer to his chest. Jeno didn't want his bestfriend to get hurt. He didn't want his friend to be hurt too. he sighed for the nth time and hoped for the best.

once Haechan reached home, he stood still in front of his girlfriend who was literally cuddling his housemate. Jeno didn't seem bothered by his stare and woke you up calmly.

"hey wake up. Haechan is back.". Jeno said gently as he tapped your shoulder. Haechan smiled when he heard you groan as he found it cute. but his smile dropped and his fists curled when you buried your face into the crook of Jeno's neck and mumbled. "5 more mins". Jeno chuckled and pulled you off him gently as he stood up. Haechan was thankful for Jeno's actions or else he would have punched him in the face.

you opened your eyes slowly only to see your boyfriend staring at you. you wiped your eyes and was fully awake as if you haven't been sleeping for the past half an hour. your burning heart made it hard for you to think about sleep.

Jeno cleared his throat before excusing himself. "i'll be in my room if you guys need anything.".

Haechan nodded and sat beside you once Jeno was inside. "is everything okay?". Haechan asked softly. you rolled your eyes and stood up . you ignored him totally and went straight for the front door. Haechan quickly ran towards you and grabbed your wrist to stop you. "what is going on babe?!". you scoffed and turned to him. "what is going on? stop acting dumb Haechan! you know well what is wrong.". Haechan sighed and looked at you coldly. "is it because i talked to Seungyeon?". you pulled back you wrist and shook your head in disbelief.

"you know well that i don't mind you talking to other girls. i am not that petty and childish to get jealous over shitty things. heck, even your tablemate is a girl! did i get mad ? no!". you paused to take a breath.

"you. you didn't even defend me when Seungyeon bullied me! you listened to all her words--".

your words were cut by his. " i didn't want her to feel left out , that's all! i didn't want her to feel like a thirdwheel with us.". Haechan explained calmly as if what you said before didn't bother him. you closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

" really? didn't want her to feel left out but it's okay if i am put aside? it is okay that my opinions are not being listened? it is okay for a classmate to bully me like that?boys are really boys huh. you didn't even notice that she was giving me looks. you know what? Seungyeon is going to be so happy right now.". you paused to muster up all your courage. Haechan looked at you, confused with what you were going to say next.

"you're available starting this very second. go on and flirt with her all you want without having me as a burden.i'm breaking up with you Lee Donghyuk.".

Haechan knew he messed up bad when you stopped calling him by his nickname. Haechan shook his head and grabbed your shoulders. "no! i can fix this! i like you not her! please babe, please don't do this.". you pushed him away and wiped a tear that fell on your cheek.

"no. she is a bully. not to me only but to many more. and you. you're her accomplice. i don't associate myself with such people. people who took my brother away from me. i lost half of my heart already. i'm not losing my other half. not to someone like you. we are done Lee Donghyuck. now and forever.". it hurt you to say those things but you believed it was for your own good. you quickly ran out of the house, not giving Haechan a chance to say anything. Haechan was frozen from your words. He wanted to chase after you but his legs gave away. he was on the floor, clutching his chest while soft sobs echoed the living room. Jeno went out of his room softly and sighed when he saw his housemate. he quickly went beside him and patted his back to comfort his friend.

*it's for your best Haechan* Jeno thought as he felt like crying himself.

you didn't attend the next discussions. you decided to just do it on your own though it might affect your grade. you were more willing to act this way rather than hurt yourself and Haechan more.

"this is a very good research y/n. but I cannot give you higher than a C because rules are rules. this was supposed to be a group project hence one of the criterias is teamwork. i really love your project but i am very sorry.". your teacher said as she handed you your grade for the project. you smiled and thanked her. "it is okay Mrs Moon. it is what i deserve anyways. thank you.".

you went back to your seat and saw a glimpse of Haechan. he looked guilty when he heard the conversation between you an the teacher. he knew you've always worked hard in everything and try your best to get straight As. but because of him, your grade was affected. you ignored his stare and kept your graded assignment.

and that marks the end of your school semester as summer break has begun. you quickly packed your bag and ran to the school entrance as usual after your break up. you didn't want to bump into him. it's been about a month since then. he would text you and call you everyday since the break up but you of course ignored everything. you blocked his number and asked Jeno to tell Haechan not to bother you anymore. you wanted to heal. you wanted to move on. people might say that you're petty but you take your relationships seriously especially after the death of your brother. who commited suicide after his 'friends' stabbed him in the back. and especially because you never felt anything like when you were with Haechan before. Haechan has a very special space in your heart. till now. but you didn't want to ruin your precious memories with bitter ones. hence it was better for you to break up with him before more bitter memories were created, overflooding your precious ones.

~

you decided to apply for a job at a small cafe. a cafe owned by an elder couple. the cafe was small and didn't have a lot of customers but that was all you needed. peace. calmness.

you were serving your regulars when a new yet familiar face entered the cosy cafe. you held your head down and greeted the customer softly. you completed the regulars' orders before taking the next customer's order. "it's my first time coming here. my friend told me that the food here is good. but would you recommend me anything?". you nodded your head and pointed to the fudgy chocolate cake. you knew he loved chocolate so much. he always has a bag full of chocolates in his bag. he smiled and nodded. "i'll take that then and a cup of americano.". you keyed in his orders and quickly prepared them. he took his orders and went to a table nearest to the counter where he could see you work. you only sighed and pulled your cap down to cover your face while doing your work.

it was finally time to close the cafe. but he was still there. reading your shared favourite book. you took a deep breath and went up to him. "i'm sorry but we are closing the cafe now.". he looked up from the book and smiled. your breath hitched. the face that you have been missing and at the same time avoiding was looking straight at you right now. "can we talk a bit?". Haechan asked.

you knew this was coming. you knew you can't run from this forever. "sure,just let me clean some stuff up,".

the two of you were finally sitting opposite of each other, face to face. you looked at your fingers all the way. you didn't want to face him. not after hurting him. but you still believed he deserved it for hurting you too. you felt warm fingers wrapping themselves around yours. oh how you've missed his warm hands. "do you still like me?". he asked calmly. you kept quiet for a while before looking up to him with teary eyes.

"of course i still like you, Lee Donghyuck.". you replied.

Haechan smiled and squeezed your hand that he was holding. he was about to celebrate when you stopped him by pulling your hand away from him gently.

"but we are not meant to be with each other. i like you. i love you. but we can't be together. i want to thank you for all the precious memories that you've given to me. i would like to also apologise, for hurting you with my words. i was hurt too but this is the best for us. please, don't try and fix something that is already broken into pieces.".

Haechan gulped, restraining himself from crying. "i really messed up bad huh?". he said as he stood up quietly. "i wish the best for you. i hope you would find happiness someday.....

i love you.".

Haechan said before going straight to the door.

you watched his back walk without turning to look at you again.

*this is for the best. this for our best.* you thought as you wiped your neverending tears.

pics credits to the rightful owners💕

[lovehelpmewrite]

The People Who Love You [1]

A/N: This is very angsty, there's a lot of abuse!triggers, rape!triggers and the like. I was really in the mood to angst so yeah. Please enjoy at your own risk, triggers and angst ahead. Also, I didn't originally intend for it but its going to be 2 parts because tumblr only allows 100 blocks I guess... I don't know the word count because I'm on mobile, and I'm hoping my keep reading works but sorry if it doesn't. Its un-beta-d, and unedited and un-spell-checked, so all mistakes are mine. Anyways, read on.

"Yeah? Seriously? That's insane. Yeah. Yeah of course! Yeah I'll let him know. Thanks Sam. Yeah, you too. See you in a bit." I hung up the phone feeling happier than i'd been in a long while. Sam had called, asking for help on a werewolf out in Nevada. When he'd asked if I was still with Tyler I assumed thats who he really wanted on the case but I was excited to see them either way.

I walked out into the living room, seeing Tyler on the couch with a beer in hand. Out of reflex I grabbed another and set it next to his feet on the coffee table. He smiled in return.

"You're too good to me," he said, giving me he full attention for a few seconds before turning back to the TV.

"So, uh, Sam Winchester called. He and Dean have a case out in Nevada they wanted our help on. Werewolves. I told them we'd check it out, what do you think?" I asked quietly.

Tyler let out a deep sigh and I turned my eyes to the corner of the coffee table.

"I think," he paused, taking a drink of his beer, "that you should have asked before you went saying yes. And that I don't like those Winchesters, too fucking uptight, and Dean always stares at you." He threw an annoyed look my way before letting out another deep breath and finishing off his beer, getting ready to open the second.

"When do they want me?" He asked, tossing the metal cap onto the table. I watched as it skidded and slid of the edge onto the floor.

"ASAP. I told them we could be out there in a few days," I answered timidly.

Tyler let out another sigh of annoyance.

"Well, go back a bag, we'll leave tomorrow and I don't want to have to wait for your sorry ass to finish up."

I nodded and stood quickly, walking into the back bedroom and shutting the door softly. I let myself smile as I packed, enjoying the thought of seeing old friends again.

- - -

"Tyler, Y/N, good to see you," greeted Dean, pulling me in for a hug that made Tyler frown. Even so, I hugged Sam as well, enjoying their familiar embraces.

"So, where are you guys staying?" Sam asked, hands shoved in his jeans pockets.

"The Historian, on Gibson by the diner," I answered, unable to stop the smile on my face as I spoke.

This only seemed to annoy Tyler further. Quickly he drew an arm around my waist and pulled me to him.

"Yeah, she wanted to make sure we had a good view," he joked, Sam and Dean laughing as I cringed, remembering how upset Tyler was that the neon sign from the diner was visible through our window.

"You know me, only the best," I added.

Everyone laughed but I could feel Tyler's fingers on my ribs like knives.

- - -

"To a hunt well done," Dean toasted, plinking his beer bottle against mine and Sam's. We all drank and shared a small smile, me ignoring the fact that Tyler was dancing with some girl on the dance floor.

"I gotta ask," Sam said suddenly, after several tense moments. "What's with your boyfriend?"

I flicked my eyes momentarily at the girl grinding on him before turning on my stool to face solidly at the bar.

"He's just dancing, its fine," I said monotonely.

Sam and Dean shared a look.

I absent mindedly pulled my flannel sleeves down to cover the hand mark Tyler left from this morning, when I had taken too long to get ready so he gripped me by the elbow and shoved me at the door. My shoulder still stung but I could blame that on the werewolf at least.

"What thhe fuck?" Dean said suddenly. I looked at him oddly until he pointed out a still healing bruise on my sternum, visible with my shirt unbottoned. "What is that, Y/N?"

Nervously I shoved my shirt to the side so it wasnt visible anymore.

"Haven't you ever heard of a hickey, Dean?" I laughed anxiously, sipping my beer and hoping he'd let it go. He didnt.

"That's no hickey. Did he hurt you?" Dean asked seriously, his voice low.

"What?! No! He wouldn't! It... it was my fault. I was carrying the laundry basket and not watching where I was going and he accidentally bumped it into me a little hard. Its nothing," I shrugged it off.

It was from the laundry basket, from when he shoved it at me hard enough to leave a mark. "To remind me of my place," he said.

Sam and Dean just eyed me cautiously as Tyler came back from the dance floor.

"Hey babe, lets go, I'm beat," Tyler said.

I went to argue that i wanted to stay with Sam and Dean but I knew better than to speak out in public.

"Okay. See you guys later," I said, Tyler pulling me quickly away and out of the bar.

He yanked me out into the alley and shoved me against yhe grime covered bricks, pressing kisses to my neck and chest.

"Come on baby, lets do it right here," Tyler said, unbuttoning my flannel quickly.

"Ty, no, lets just go back to the motel," I said, gently pushing at his hands on my body.

"Come on, it'll be hot. You can scream for all the bar to hear," he continued, going for my jeans.

"Ty, I said no, stop it," I said more forcefully, shoving him off me.

He stood a foot away, bewildered for a moment while blood rushed in my ears. Suddenly his hand came fast and heavy against my cheek, knocking my head to the side. I held it in shock as it heated up. Tyler seemed to be gauging my reaction to it which was fear.

He sprung forward again and spun me around, pressing my shoulders against the cold brick as he undid my jeans.

"When I say I want to fuck you, I mean it you dumb prude bitch," he growled against my hair.

I stood, helplessly pressed against the bricks as he yanked my jeans and underwear down and pulled my hips back.

The only indication I gave that I felt him was the shutter as he slid into me. My whole body was numb, the slight rocking the only thing keeping me grounded.

When he was done, he came onto the ground and pushed my hips forward in disgust, making me stumble into the wall.

"Come back when you're ready to be an obedient whore," he spat, pulling up his jeans and walking away.

I felt the shake in my hands as I slowly pulled up my underwear and struggled to button my jeans. I let myself lean against the wall a moment, pressing cold hands over my eyes and smearing tears I didn't know I was making.

I sucked in a deep breath, cleared my face and stared dead ahead. Just another day.

- - -

I realized quickly I didn't want to go back to him so soon. I didn't want to seem that desperate for him. In a spur of the moment I walked to Sam and Dean's motel room, knocking on the door before I remember deciding to. Sam answered.

"Y/N? Whats up?" He asked, voice gentle and slightly tired.

"Hey, sorry to bother you guys, me and Tyler had a little fight so I just wanted to shower here for tonight if thats okay?" I asked timidly.

"Yeah! Yeah sure, whatever you need," Sam replied, letting me in immediately.

Dean was sat up on the bed reading something when he looked up and smiled at me.

"Hey, what're you doing here?" He asked, closing the book to give me his full attention.

"Just need a shower, me and Tyler had a fight," I explained. Dean grinned.

"Finally. You should really dump that douche bag," he commented, standing and walking over to his duffle bag.

"No... we just need ti work some stuff out. I dont know where i'd be without him, he's such a better hunter than me," I said absently, not thinking twice about the words coming out of my mouth.

Sam snorted behind me, Dean sniggered.

"Sure, okay Y/N," Dean said sarcastically.

"Really, I would have died on half my hunts if he hadn't been there," I tried, more to convince myself than them.

"You're ten times the hunter he is, he can barely shoot a sawed-off. But whatever you say, sweetheart. Enjoy your shower," Dean grinned, handing me one of his shirts and a pair of boxers.

As I stood under the steaming hot water and scrubbed my skin raw, I replayed what the boys had said. How could I possibly be a better hunter than him? All he talks about is how much easier it would be for him to do his job if I wasnt around.

I shook off the thought and went back to scrubbing at my thighs viciously.

- - -

I walked out in Dean's oversize Metallica shirt, picking at one of my cuticles, mulling over my options very carefully.

"He hits me sometimes," I mumble, watching Sam and Dean scrunch up their eyebrows before looking at me.

"Huh?"

"Did you say something, sweetheart?"

I turned my eyes up, forcing myself to back eye contact.

"He hits me sometimes," I said again.

I watched as Dean's jaw set and Sam's face turned to stone.

"Not often. I mean, not really anyways. Sometimes its worse than others, especially if he's been drinking," I said, finishing the sentance looking at the ratty carpeting as the nights memories came back.

"Its usually my fault anyways, I take too long, or I forget the laundry, or I get him the wrong beer," I added, trying to justify it in my head again. My face scrunched up as his words came at me as they always do.

"You'd be nothing without me. A dead whore in a ditch somewhere. You're lucky I'm here to teach you."

"He's dead," Dean said simply.

I jumped forward quickly.

"No, dont!" I said, gripping his arm tightly as he stood. "Its fine, I can handle it," I added.

Dean's hand came slowly up to my face and I winced as his fingers ran over the spot where Tyler had slapped me.

"You dont have to," Dean said quietly.

"I love him," I replied, eyes closed. Dean let out a slow breath and stepped back from me.

"Then you better get back to him," he said sharply.

"Dean," Sam interjected, eyebrows creased in disapproval.

"No, if she loves him she can head back to his room, and when he hits her again we'll come pick her up because thats what people who love you do," Dean spoke, eyes sharp and jaw set.

I stared at him a moment longer, my throat tight before I slowly grabbed my things and opened the door. I gave one last glance to Sam whose eyes were wet with unshed tears.

I shut the door behind me and let a few tears of my own fall before I made my way back to Tyler.

- - -

I woke up to the sound of beeping next to my head and throbbing in my ribs. I groaned as I turned my head, my neck stiff and sore as well.

As I looked around at the pale green walls and the bright florescent lights, I recognized the beeping as an EKG.

I panicked, trying desperately to sit up and pull out my IV's until a nurse came in.

"Sweetie, you need to relax, you're pretty banged up," she spoke, gently pushing my shoulder back and readjusting the IV tube on my arm.

I tried to relax, looking up to the ceiling and taking deep breaths to try and stop the tears burning in my eyes.

"Good news is your boyfriend's here, said he was worried when he found out you fell down those stairs. I'll send him up," the nurse spoke kindly, patting my hand before walking out and closing the door behind her.

My throat closed up painfully, tears falling back into my hairline as I thought about Tyler seeing me after what he'd done last night.