I distinctly remember the times in my young childhood, when I would be somewhere out with my parents in public, and I understood that I was about to have a 'normal' experience. I knew they were unlikely to snap or injure me in a public space, so I'd be allowed to act curious, to walk around, not annoy them with questions, but I could smile and interact with strangers, and they wouldn't get mad. I would liven up and get really happy and try to get the most out of it, one time I even tried to hold my parents hands (I was very small) and they pulled their hands away (I took it too far apparently). I had a great time having those 'normal' experiences, for me they were the only normal I got, and I would hold onto those memories and believe that surely, we were a normal family, I was a child, I had two parents, they were surely taking care of me.
Going home, however, would open up deep dread and sadness inside of me, because I knew things would change as soon as we were inside those 4 walls. They would get mad at me, yell and criticize me, berate me for anything they found annoying earlier, and shout at me until I would be too scared to leave my room. Going home eventually became associated with having a nervous breakdown in the car (silently, of course) and I would be swallowing tears until we reached the house.
I understand now, that the 'normal' times I would get, were the times where they needed to present in public as a normal family, so I was supposed to act like a normal child. I was required to act normal. I understood there was to be zero symptoms of abuse shown in public, and I could not act weird or avoidant, I had to showcase that I was energetic, curious, and happy child.
Since normal and non-hostile family relationship was all I needed, those pretend times seemed real to me, they were essential for me to have a 'normal' experience, to believe that my family is real, that we're okay, that I have parents who to some degree, care about me. Those experiences helped me to believe that. But the spell would be broken as soon as we got home because - my family was abusive. And they felt very free and comfortable to turn back to abuse as soon as we were inside of their house, where they didn't have to pretend they didn't hate me.
If you have experiences with your family that felt good, normal, and like you were getting what you needed for a while - but this spell got broken as soon as you were alone with them, or as soon as they had a bad day, or were frustrated, or angry about something, or as soon as you made a tiny mistake, or annoyed them, there's a chance the normal part was an act to protect their reputation. Good times are not the proof of 'not abusive', they're always there, even the most abusive situation has good times, otherwise nobody would have reason enough to stay.
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see the difference between bob and rhett really is that bob owns a book on birds and special bird watching binoculars and researches what food is best for what kind of bird for the feeder; whereas one time rhett had a few extra chips in his lunch out in the pasture and threw it to a nearby crow and now he can’t go outside without at least one bird following him around for food
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I’ve been thinking about Hyde!Wednesday, who has no idea what lurks beneath her skin. Her family has suspicions, they’ve always known there was something special about Wednesday, even for an Addams, but they’ve never thought to investigate too hard. After all, whatever it is will come out eventually, and they will love her just the same when it does. And if Fester recalls a section of a curious little book he read once upon a time, that’s stuck in his mind where all else has been forgotten, who can say why.
In the aftermath of Crackstone, Wednesday finds herself unsettled. There is a sense of wrongness, like a word on the tip of her tongue that never reveals itself, everything appears to have shifted slightly to the left, and nobody but her can tell. Wednesday hasn’t felt like herself since she stumbled from the school gates and was bowled over by a pink blur. Somehow, having Enid in her arms had felt right, and leaving them wrong.
Her world has turned upside down.
Wednesday has always been quiet, she thrives in the silence, but since she’s been home it remains just a little too quiet. It’s too easy to forget she’s home at all, her family finds. She no longer shies away from their contact, not from acceptance, oh no, she doesn’t even acknowledge it at all. Sometimes they will speak to her and it’s like she is a thousand miles away, unseeing, unhearing.
A rare moment of presentness has Morticia teasing her, perhaps her mind is with someone else, perhaps emotions are involved. No. Emotions are not the cause of this haunting in her mind, Wednesday knows. She had already come to terms with having developed feelings: chastisement for Xavier, protection for Eugene, respect for Bianca, and don’t even get her started on the affection for her roommate. No, Wednesday can recognise those, and has them locked away, so what is this consuming her?
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