#and this all happened when i had a really stressful year at school i literally suffered more than jesus 😔✊️

[giantkillerjack]

"Oh, Jack. You silly boi. You know that help at the top of the stairs is no help at all."

---

Art piece i may delete later about my parents offering money to me and my sisters to pay for either grad school (a thing I don't want and can't do with my disability) or my wedding (also a thing I don't need/want), but not for anything that would actually help me escape poverty and find stable housing and income.

Like, I recognize the privilege of being able to complain that my parents have offered me a bunch of money but in the wrong way.

But also if that money is on top of a flight of stairs that I can't climb (but my sisters can), then I haven't really been offered money, so much as I have watched money I need be placed somewhere I can't reach it. Which tbh feels worse than if it was never mentioned to me in the first place.

I was gonna send this art to them and i wrote this big long message to go with it, but then I decided to wait until my therapy session on Tuesday to talk it thru with her first, since I've literally never regretted doing that.

Besides, both of my parents are lawyers and right now they're providing me and my friends with a lot of free legal advice about this property we're trying to buy together, so I don't want to rock the boat currently.

I just wish I knew if I had access to that money as a poor person in need of stable housing and quality disability care, and I wish my parents weren't world-class hLepers who have a long and triggering history of engaging me in rigorous debate about the kind of help I should be allowed to receive from them as a disabled person.

Nothing like having to provide an argument that would hold up in court every time I'm sick and need help! Love that! Love that I can't even talk about money with them now without having invasive thoughts about it for days to come due to past incidences in which this repeated behavior of theirs literally endangered my life!!

Not like I need that mental capacity for working on the largest and most exciting opportunity of my life that also happens to line up with my hopes and dreams for the future!! It's fine!! What do I even need mental capacity for anyway?????

This wouldn't even be the first time this little Distrust Fund has caused problems for my relationship with my parents. They are very opposed to that money being used to help my disability and it has caused PROBLEMS for us that we have never quite recovered from.

It's just difficult to be reminded that although our relationship has gotten better (mostly thanks to me setting boundaries), that doesn't mean they now actually believe what I need for my disability when I tell them.

They really do love me, and they have only ever acted with the best of intentions . But good intentions cease to matter when the impact is harmful and repeated. And they have proven to be repeatedly incapable of providing non-ableist support for me again and again and again. They've even genuinely tried to learn; and sometimes it really seems like my mom has made progress with her therapist (who is disabled), but who knows when I can so jarringly be reminded of how quickly that toxic ableist thinking can show its ugly face.

It's so clear to me and they don't even know it's there.

It feels like I'm in a horror movie when I try to get them to understand their own ableism, and that is a good good sign that I may want to consider an approach that minimizes my mental damage instead. Even if it means I don't get their stupid, deeply-conditional-and-yet-the-conditions-are-SO-vague-and-they-won't-admit-it money.

[diabolicjoy]

.

[smilesleepandspeak]

You know what it could be worse, it could be the 2011/12 season 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

[collapsedglasshouses]

HOTEL NEIGHBORS || Noah Sebastian x fem!Reader

PHOTO CREDIT: Bryan Kirks

SUMMARY: After you hear Noah talk about liking experienced women, you can't help but feel insecure about yourself. Noah wants nothing but to lift your spirits.

WARNINGS: SMUT, MDNI, friends to lovers, inexperienced reader, slight ? dom!noah i guess, oral sex (female receiving), unprotected p in v (dont do that), slight mutual pining?, not edited oopsie, ...

TAGLIST: @measuredingold @cncohshit @circle-with-me @jilliemiw86 @justeli6

A/N: This idea planted itself in my head last night and I don't even know what to say anymore. I’m more than stressed because of university, but I hope my creative spark is coming back rather sooner than later. Is anyone actually reading what I say here. If you're reading this say hi in the comments, ily. Please, enjoy and consider reblogging if you liked it.

You didn’t exactly know you had gotten into this situation but at this exact moment you were shifting in your place and wanted nothing more but to vanish into thin air.

You were currently sitting in a hotel lobby, exhausted and tired from the show the boys had played, and waited for Matt to hand you the keys to your hotel rooms. Somehow in the course of the last ten minutes, the conversation between the guys had turned. They were talking about previous relationships and the experience it came with since Folio had been freshly separated from his ex-girlfriend.

“I don’t know what it is, but I feel like I just want someone with more experience, you know? I’m not saying I wouldn’t date anyone who doesn’t have much experience but I just-… I don’t know. You know what I mean, Noah?” Folio rambled and looked at the man next to you in hopes to find confirmation.

“Yeah, I know. I prefer women with experience, too. I guess.” Noah just mindlessly mumbled while looking at his phone.

You knew for sure the boys didn’t say this in an ill intend but somehow this exchange began to bother you more than you wanted it to. In all honesty, it felt like a punch straight to your face. You felt stupid that this simple exclaim from Noah got to you, but you couldn’t really help it. It wasn’t like you never had sex. You had a boyfriend that you dated from high school to about two years ago, but when it came to your sex life it felt like you never really experienced anything. You knew almost everything that only concerned you, but when it came to another person being involved, your knowledge stopped. You knew what you liked and what you disliked. But that didn’t make the conversation you just witnessed any less hurtful.

You swallowed hard before standing up from your waiting seat in a rather fast manner.

“Imma head to the bathroom.” You mumbled so quietly you feared nobody would have heard you, before walking away. You didn’t see how Noah looked after you with a confused facial expression.

You slammed the door shut behind you and stared at your reflection in the fancy bathroom mirror. Your eyes were watery and you hated yourself for that. Especially Noah’s sentence echoed in your head and you hated that you had a weak spot for him. You hated that you got along with him too well for your liking. When the band hired you as an assistant for Matt about a year ago, you hadn’t planned that all of this would happen. You thought you were there for only one tour and now you were already on your third with the band. To your astonishment, you got along wonderfully with everyone, but you and Noah had a special bond. You didn’t know what it was exactly but somehow you repeatedly found yourself in deep conversations about literally everything with him. It took you well over six months to realize that you didn’t just simply like him as a friend, but you were starting to fall for him.

Right now, you hated yourself that you never got brave enough to admit it to him. You always acted like nothing had changed and you felt embarrassed about the fact that a small sentence like that could throw you off so bad when you didn’t have the right to act like that about it.

A couple of minutes passed before you had enough courage to head back to the boys. So, you took a deep breath and wiped away the single tear that had managed to escape, before stepping out of the bathroom again. Gladly, you didn’t have to justify your sudden move as Matt approached the group at the same time as you to hand you the keys.

“Finally, I thought we needed to sleep in the lobby.” You managed to say with a lopsided smile while Matt handed you your key.

While your group headed in the elevator, you took up a small conversation with Matt about things that had happened at tonight’s show, before he headed out together with the others. The only two left in the elevator being, of course, you and Noah.

“Looks like we’re neighbors tonight.” He answered you with a sweet smile after looking at your key for a second.

“Cool.” You tried to exclaim as friendly as possible and cringed for your second. Even the most unempathetic person on this planet would have realized that something was going on with you, but you were glad Noah decided to not talk about it as you walked to your rooms.

A couple of hours later, you were finished with your evening and ready to go to sleep but before you could slip under the blankets, you heard a slight knock on your door. For a second, you considered to just ignore it but when it knocked again, you sighed and opened the door just enough to look who was disturbing your peace at these ungodly times.

You were greeted by Noah with a worried expression on his face. For a second, you just looked at him confused, but he was fast to explain, while you opened the door a little more.

“Tell me what I did. You’ve been ignoring literally all my texts for more than three hours at this point.” He exclaimed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Of course, he was right about his statement. You had seen his texts. Normally, you’d test about the concert or some random stuff until you were both to sleepy to respond, but you had decided you couldn’t deal with him this evening. Not after you got so emotional because of a stupid sentence.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” You lied and mirrored his gesture.

He lifted his eyebrow, and you already know he wouldn’t let you out of that conversation until you gave him the answers he wanted. “Gaslight someone else, sweetheart.” He grumbled.

You sighed and looked at your hands. “It’s nothing, Noah.”

“Oh, come on. You know nothing you is unimportant.” He encouraged you.

It felt stupid. Stupid how easy it was to open up to him, but you knew you couldn’t just tell him what’s been on your mind, so you simply shook your head. You were about to close the door, when he reached into the doorframe and pressed himself in your room while you protested.

“Y/n. Seriously, what’s going on?” He muttered in a soft tone while sitting down on your bed. He patted the place next to him. When you sat down, he turned to fully face you and touched your shoulder. “Please talk to me.”

“I really can’t, Noah.” You whispered. “It’s so fucking stupid.”

You felt so dumb, you wanted to slap yourself. You didn’t want this to go bad. You hated your feelings for choosing him. For opening up to him. For becoming so close with him. You remembered how you had joked with Matt about how everyone would eventually fall for THE lead singer and how you said Noah is just a really good friend and now look at you. Unable to even look him straight in the face.

“Did I say something?” Noah wanted to know, and you briefly looked at him. You couldn’t hold his gaze any longer in fear you would crack. You looked at his shirt to calm your thoughts but that was when you noticed his neckline and your thoughts instantly began to wander.

“You never not tell me anything.” Noah urged.

“Why are you so desperate?” You asked him in slight annoyance and swept his hand of your shoulder.

He blinked surprised for a couple of seconds before answering you. “Because you can’t even look at me and I don’t like that.”

Your heart jumped with happiness when you heard that confession, even if it was innocent.

“That’s not true.” – “Then look at me.”

You sighed before forcing your eyes onto his for a second just to look away again.

“See?” He mumbled, defeated. “I’m sorry if I said something that upset you. I didn’t mean it.”

“So, you didn’t mean you liked girls with experience better than others?” You spat out before you could even think about it more and instantly regretted it.

Noah opened and closed his mouth in confusion. He knew about your previous experiences or lack of experience.

“See that’s exactly why I didn’t want to tell you. It is dumb.” You tried to brush off what had just happened, but Noah shook his head.

“No, no, no. It’s not dumb. I didn’t mean it like that, I-…” He began to explain but you just sighed and rolled your eyes.

“Just stop, Noah.” You mumbled and laid down on your bed. “We should get some sleep. Tomorrow is another stressful day.”

“N-no… I really didn’t mean it like that. I wasn’t even paying attention to Folio. I-… I don’t care about experience, Y/N. I consider myself lucky if anyone gets close to me at the moment. I’m a stressed mess, you know.” Noah rambled out and you noticed that he was nervous. You couldn’t really think about why.

“Oh c’mon. Everyone would consider themselves lucky to sleep with you, Noah. And you fucking know that.” You joked halfheartedly, but then a smile crept onto his face.

“You too?” He asked with a broad smirk on his face.

“Huh?” You huffed as your eyes grew wide.

“I mean… I know you are worried about not having too much experience… I just-…” He swallowed hard. “I could… help with that.”

“You wanna have sex with me?” You bluntly asked your friend and felt your heart almost exploding in your chest.

“I-… You know, we-… I-…” He began to stutter for a second but then he saw how nervous you looked and stopped in his tracks. “So, you wanna have sex with me.”

You felt your cheeks heat up and you swallowed hard. “Uh… I…”

“Forget it, you don’t have to answer th-…” – “Actually, I do.”

Your voice was not more than a whisper while your thoughts were racing. You just blankly confessed that to him, because you were tired. Tired of holding back.

“You are joking, right?” Noah mumbled; his mouth slightly open.

“Oh, come on. As if this comes as a surprise. There are literally people writing fanfiction about you.” You said and ran a hand through your hair in frustration.

“And you know that why?” He exclaimed and smiled lopsidedly.

Your eyebrows rose for a second when you realized what you had said.

When you didn’t answer, he spoke again. “So, you wanna have sex with me?”

“Trust me, with each word coming out of your mouth, the urge is getting less and less.” You answered him and rolled your eyes. His smile faded slightly, and he looked you deep in the eyes.

“Would you feel better if I told you I’ve thought about it, too?” He exclaimed and the tone of his voice shot straight to your core. This didn’t feel real.

“Yeah… Yeah that would help.” You mumbled and swallowed hard, not knowing how to proceed.

A second later, Noah was hovering over your, his face only a couple of inches away from you and you felt how the atmosphere in the room changed.

“You really wanna do this?” He asked you as your hands travelled to the hem of your shirt. You nodded.

“Tell me, you want this.” He almost pleaded with you.

“I want you to fuck me, Noah. For god sake, should I write it down for you?” You whisper-shouted against his lips and with that he giggled quietly before kissing your lips with such force that you realized he wasn’t joking. You grabbed his face and pulled him even closer to you. It felt like you two grasped onto everything. It felt like you were each other’s last meal. Like you were starved for so long, you couldn’t control it anymore.

You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him down towards your core that was only clothed in your underwear, and you could feel how hard he was. You couldn’t help but grind against him. He slightly moaned into your mouth as your tongues danced with each other and you moved your hips again.

“Stop that.” He suddenly groaned against your mouth, and you began to grin. “What if I don’t?”

“Then I’m not going to go easy on you, sweetheart.” He warned you. It didn’t take a second for you to grind against him one more time, while smiling proudly about what a hard time he had with you.

“You’re going to regret that.” He mumbled and grabbed your hips with his hand firmly. This alone almost made you cum. It felt like something in him snapped. His pupils were blown wide with lust and then he was underdressing you. It was like he was ripping you out of your clothes.

When he reached your underwear, he stopped for a second and looked at you for reassurance. It was the last chance for you to tell him, but you didn’t want that. You didn’t want him to stop.

“I trust you.” You breathed out and bucked your hips for a second.

“You don’t even know how long I’ve been waiting for his, Y/n.” He answered you as he slowly slipped down your underwear. He didn’t waste any time after that and only a few kisses later to your stomach, you felt how his tongue moved through your folds. A soft moan escaped your mouth and you arched your hips to possibly get any closer to him.

Your hands found their way in your hair. It wasn’t the first time someone went down on you, but never before had it felt so intense to you.

He pinned your hips down to the bed with one arm and his tongue was devouring you like it was the last thing he would do. The sounds you were making only made him go harder. Then you felt how he added a finger inside of you, quickly followed by another.

“Oh my-… Fuck, Noah.” You gasped and you felt the vibrations of his laugh against your core. You felt a knot building inside of you and you tried to concentrate on anything that would help you not to come instantly.

“I can feel that you’re close.” He mumbled against you and flicked his tongue over your clit while his fingers pumped in and out of you.

You nodded, unable to form clear words without moaning them.

“I know, you can go longer than that, Y/n.” He hummed against you, and you felt like you were going insane.

“God, please.” You cried out, fearing you couldn’t hold it any longer.

His mouth and fingers felt so good, you were sure you couldn’t help yourself much longer. You felt your orgasm built up and then-… He stopped. He pulled away from you, his fingers out of your pussy and you whined at the loss of contact.

He grabbed your face with the hand that had been inside of you just seconds before and looked you in the eyes. “When you come tonight, it’s gonna be on my cock.”

“You know, it’s kind of unfair that I’m laying here completely naked while you’re fully clothed.” You breathed out with a small smile on your face.

“Oh, yeah?” He laughed against your lips before climbing of the bed to get out of his clothes. His eyes never left yours and yours never left his.

He was in nothing but his underwear, his cock hard underneath them and you bit your lip as his hands hooked under the waistband and he slowly slit them off. Your eyes slowly widened at the sight of his member, and you suddenly realized that all of this was real. He looked so perfect. All of him.

“You still okay?” He asked as he crawled back to you.

“Yes.” You breathed out when he was on top of you again. He leaned down to kiss you. You could feel him against your core, his cock moving between your folds as if he belonged there.

“Noah, please.” You moaned out and let your hands roam over his back.

“Yes?” He teased you and rocked his hips once more.

“Don’t be such a tease.” You whined and dragged your fingernails over his back. He let out a soft moan.

“Tell me what you want, Y/n.” Noah exclaimed, and you whined, before rolling your eyes.

“Do that again and I’ll make you regret it.” He breathed out.

“Oh, I’m so scared.” You answered him in a mocking tone and he instantly gave his words truth.

For the second time something snapped inside of him. You let out a small yelp as he flipped you over in a swift motion, your chest hitting the mattress. He grabbed your hips with such force, you were sure he would leave bruises.

“You still wanna continue to be a brat?” He asked you in an almost dangerous tone and you shook your head.

“Fuck, you’re dripping.” He almost moaned and you felt this cock against your ass. He positioned himself behind you, his tip teasing your entrance. His hands wandered over your hips softly and you felt a kiss against your neck. “We can stop anytime.”

“Please, don’t stop.” You breathed out. After that he slowly slid into you, your mouth open in a silent moan as he bottomed out.

“Is that alright?” He asked with a soft tone as you tried to get used to the feeling of him inside of you.

“Yes, everything is perfect.” You moaned out.

When he started to move, you thought you were going to die. In a good way. In a way that made you decide right there and then that when your time has come, this was how you wanted it to end.

“Oh, my f-… Noah.” You whispered out and gripped the sheets beneath you.

His right hand slowly reached to the front of your body and found your clit. He swiftly circled it while rocking into you.

His head was buried in your neck and the room was filled with moans and pants and curse words that were almost illegal to speak out.

“Shit, Y/N.” He whined into your neck. “You feel so good.” His thrust became faster and you were almost certain the bed was going to break if he kept that pace. But you were too far gone to care. You felt that knot in your stomach again and you knew this time you couldn’t contain yourself.

“Come on. Come for me, sweetheart.” He whispered against the back of your head, and you screamed. You screamed load enough that you were sure Jolly in the room underneath to you would hear.

He fucked you through it, his pace only slowing down moments later, right before he pulled out and you felt hot liquid painting your back.

You let yourself fall onto the pillow and he soon collapsed next to you. You turned to face him and could help but smile at him. He reached out to brush a strand of hair out of your face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, but I’m in desperate need of a shower and I don’t even wanna talk about the lack of sleep we’ll have tomorrow.” You answered him and giggle for a second that caused him to smile.

“It was worth it.” He mumbled before leaning in again.

“Yes… yes it was.” Your lips met in a soft kiss and for a second everything inside of you began to tingle. You knew this was a new chapter for the both of you and that this was only the beginning.

“Let’s shower.” He mumbled before getting up and reaching out to help you up. He slung his arms around you for a second. “Maybe you can tell me about those fanfictions while showering.”

Your eyes widened for a second, before you made your way to the bathroom, followed by a laughing Noah.

“I’ll keep that to myself.” You answered him, before closing the bathroom door behind the two of you.

dividers by @saradika-graphics

[bbydoll18xx]

An Inch Away From More Than Just Friends

Paige Bueckers x reader

Your ex-boyfriend is quite literally the smallest man who ever lived, and Paige is there to pick up the pieces

Themes: Heavy smut, angst, happy ending <3, friends to lovers

Word count: 3k

-------------------------------------------------------------------

“And you deserve prison, BUT. YOU. WON’T. GET. TIME!” you scream-sing, each word punctuated with a hand slapping the table loudly. Tears fall down your face and you let out a ragged breath, attempting to quell your rage and anguish.

Your stupid ass, idiot of a boyfriend, Connor, had cheated on you with some tramp from Florida, of all places. And he had subsequently dumped you over text, attaching a picture of the girl sucking his cock.

You wanted to murder him. Slowly. With a knife. 

Here you sat, though, after the shock of that text message wore off, sobbing at your kitchen table to Taylor Swift. Your life felt like a terrible sitcom. 

He was your first boyfriend. You didn't really date much in high school. The boys were immature and gross, and the girls were too intimidating to approach in a flirty way. You just wanted to feel wanted, sick of constantly being the third wheel with your friends.

Despite getting broken up with out of the blue, you knew why Connor had done it. It was the reason for your countless arguments you had suffered through the last year.

Paige Bueckers.

Paige was your best friend, and Connor had absolutely loathed her from the moment you had introduced the two blondes. 

Your boyfriend had always been slightly possessive; it was one of the things that had initially attracted you to him. You had always craved an intense and all consuming love, and at first, you had thought you'd gotten that. But fate was tempted as you and Paige grew closer.

As the song you’ve had on repeat restarts for the hundredth time, you recall your last argument. It wasn’t difficult considering it happened just a few days ago. 

You and Paige were hanging out in your apartment like you did frequently. Laying side by side on your bed, a movie played on the TV, sending flickering lights through the dark room. You were both exhausted from the week, but each other’s presence produced a calm energy that washed over all of the stress you had been feeling.

Your legs are tangled up with Paige’s, and your head is nestled in the crook of her neck. The movie is long forgotten, as you relish in the presence of your best friend. She hums in content at your closeness, enjoying your company just as much as you.

You can actually feel your heart cry, realizing that you couldn’t get any closer to the blonde girl. 

You had been having several realizations the last few months: Your fondness for UConn’s favorite star was more than just friendly. Unfortunately, you were pretty sure that Connor had also picked up on this. And if this helpless little crush of yours continued, you’d be in deep shit. 

Contemplating your situation, Paige nudges into you, catching your attention. 

“I can literally hear the wheels in your head turning. Whatcha thinkin’ about, baby?” Paige teases softly.

Baby. 

Your heart flutters, as it always did when she called you little pet names.

You shrug, the movement slightly jostling Paige.

“Just dealing with some stuff,” you mumble, a feeble attempt to minimize what you were feeling. It's not like you could tell her anyway.

Before Paige can goad you into revealing more, the door to your bedroom is ripped open, hitting the wall with a slam and reverberating through the apartment. 

“I fucking knew it!” Connor shouted, pointing at you and Paige. His face was screwed up into an ugly expression of contempt.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Paige yells back, as you simultaneously shout, “Connor you can't just barge in here. That’s so fucking rude.”

“Stay away from my girlfriend, you nasty, little bitch,” Connor sneers meanly. Paige’s eyebrows furrow at this, standing in front of him to look him in the eye.

You try to stifle a laugh as Paige gets in your boyfriend’s face; she was two inches taller than him, and she never let him forget it. 

“I don’t know about ‘little,’” she retorts with a smug expression on her face.

Enraged, Connor spins around, stomping out of the room, kicking your couch on his childish rampage out.

Your breathing is irregular as you try to slow your heart rate. Sobs are already bubbling up inside your chest, threatening to seep through the cracks that Connor had left once more. 

Paige pulls you into her lap, cradling you against her chest in a desperate attempt to comfort you. Little did she know, her touch was all you really needed. 

You are pulled back into the present, feeling empty without Paige. Tears roll down your cheeks and your bottom lip wobbles. You felt like you were never really present anymore; walking through life in a daydream. Pictures of Paige constantly filled your brain, and you knew the unrequited feelings would be much more painful than the harsh termination of your and Connor’s relationship. 

Fuck. You were down bad. 

You take to your couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Those were two guys you knew would never fail you. You allow yourself to rot the day away. Episode after episode plays, but you are barely paying attention. You feel like screaming, the feeling of desperation wrestling with your typical sense of composure. 

Your vision slides over to the top of your fridge, where an impressive amount of alcohol sits.

‘Perfect. I can't pine when I’m black out drunk,’ you think miserably. 

You were so, so wrong. 

An hour later you were dancing around in nothing but one of Paige’s shirts and your underwear, using a large bottle of tequila as a microphone. You were usually a quiet roommate, but the empty apartment was the perfect excuse to let out all the emotions you had been holding in for months. 

You were so engrossed in your performance, you miss Paige walking in. When you finally turn to face her in a dramatic spin, hair flying everywhere, you gasp in shock. 

Paige is grinning. “Havin’ fun, babe?” she questions, clearly amused by your drunken antics.

You were too inebriated to feel embarrassed, and you nod with a bright smile. You thrust the bottle towards the blonde, encouraging her to join in your fun. 

“Oh, what the hell,” Paige concedes, taking the bottle and lifting it up to her mouth in a way that had you suddenly feeling sticky. 

She was sinful when she was drunk. It was not your fault that you wanted the clingy Paige that accompanied large amounts of alcohol. 

You spend the next hour taking turns sipping from the bottle, enjoying the feverish burning in your belly that follows each swallow. It doesn’t take much time for Paige to catch up to you, and you know she’s tipsy once she pulls you into her lap and starts drawing shapes onto your thighs. A quiet moan escapes from your lips at her touch; her fingers were fucking magic. 

You turn to face Paige, straddling her on your couch. The tequila in your system was making you bolder than the blonde was accustomed to you being, but she welcomed it. Now face to face, with nothing but your flimsy panties in between Paige’s muscular leg and your slick center, you gaze at her with heavy lidded eyes.

She was so pretty, and her eye contact made you bashful. Breaking away from the heat of those blue eyes, you wrap your arms around her neck in a huge hug, causing Paige to let out a small chuckle at your affection.

You were nothing if not candor whilst drunk, so Paige is hardly surprised when you slur, “Connor hated how I look at you. That’s why he broke up with me.”

Taking a moment to gather her thoughts, Paige murmurs, “How do you look at me?”

“Like you hung the fuckin’ moon,” you sigh dreamily, the tequila making you feel warm and fuzzy.

“Oh, really, baby?” Paige questions, her voice growing deeper as you tilt your hips against her thigh once more in an attempt to feel some relief. Her presence was overwhelming your senses, and there was fire deep in your abdomen that was raging.

 You forget to respond to her, too distracted from the way her leg felt so damn good against your clothed pussy. Attempting to lessen some of the desire building up inside you, you experimentally roll your hips, letting out a lustful whine as you realize how good it feels. 

Paige is momentarily stunned at your boldness before she grabs your chin, tilting it up to meet her eyes that were full of want. Your pupils are blown, the irises just a small ring at this point, and she questions if you really want to do this. 

Well obviously.

You nod your head, unsure if you had any words in you to describe just how badly you wanted Paige to fuck you.

“Baby, use your words,” Paige drawls. The huskiness of the term of endearment has you panting, and you struggle to moan out a “Yes, please just fuck me, P.”

That was all Paige needed. She places her hands underneath your ass, and lifts you up, carrying you towards your bedroom. You wrap your legs around her toned figure and meet her lips in a searing kiss. 

In a second, it feels like all the shittiness has evaporated away, leaving you feeling reborn and renewed. Paige was a fucking drug to you, and you needed another hit. 

Setting you down on your bed, Paige wastes no time stripping you of your oversized t-shirt, leaving you in your cotton panties that were now completely soaked. She swirls two fingers across the drenched fabric, smirking to herself that she was able to have such an effect on you. You whine at her deliberate actions and pout like a child who wasn’t getting their way. Paige laughs at your desperation and kisses the pout right off of your lips, licking into your mouth with fervor. 

You tug at her shirt, wanting her to be as bare as you were, and she quickly slips it over her head, throwing it onto the floor. There was still an imbalance of clothing between the two of you, and you finger the waistband of Paige’s sweatpants, wanting to see every bit of her. 

Shaking her head fondly at your blatant lack of shame, she gets off of the bed and shimmies out of her pants, leaving her in just a sports bra and those boxers you loved a little too much. From where you were still sitting on the bed, you shamelessly let your eyes rake over her toned figure. She was stunning, and you felt pride well up inside you, knowing you were finally going to have sex with the tall blonde.

It almost made the years of pining worth it. 

“This better?” Paige asks, gesturing towards her body, and you giggle in response. 

She climbs back onto the bed, a knee placed between your parted thighs and presses it against your soaked heat. You let out another loud moan at the contact, and your back arches off the bed from the pleasure. 

There are no thoughts in your tipsy, drunk-in-love brain, and it shows. You’re mumbling in tangents, now, pleading with Paige to do more. 

She finally concedes and goes to take off your panties. She’s being a little tease, slowly dragging them down your legs, while keeping intense eye contact with you. You are pretty sure the act makes your pussy drip even more. 

Placing a leg over her shoulder, Paige opens you up and takes a second to admire the gleaming wet folds that were hers and only hers. You tremble under her stare, feeling deliciously vulnerable in a way that makes you want to submit to her every whim. 

She inches closer to your pussy, pressing hot kisses all along your inner thighs. You revel in the buildup of it, trying to avoid being pushy. To no avail, your hips jut forward, slightly humping the air in an attempt to get some release. 

Coming back up to nip your earlobe playfully, Paige whispers sensually, “Gotta be a good girl for me.” 

You try to respond, but her use of the phrase ‘good girl’ makes the words catch in your throat. She resumes her kisses, trailing them down your throat to your chest, where she takes a detour in favor of showing your pretty, peaked nipples some attention. 

Another whine leaves your lips like a prayer, as Paige leaves love bites over your tits. That would look like a damn masterpiece in the morning, and you’re already planning to take a Polaroid picture of you topless, covered in Paige’s hickeys. 

Finally, she trails back down your stomach, fingers ghosting over your skin and leaving behind thousands of goosebumps in their wake. Your skin felt like it was on fire. 

“Please, Paigey. Need you, baby,” you whimper brokenly, begging for some respite from the torturous teasing. 

Paige gives in, dying to taste to you, and she licks a fat stripe on your pussy, starting at your dripping hole and ending in a tantalizing circle at your clit. Your hands fly to her head, trying not to pull at her hair too much. 

She inserts her middle finger into you, drawing another slutty moan from your lips as she pumps into you vigorously. 

There really is no way to describe just how good she is making you feel. The past six months of sex with Connor had been passionless and repetitive. You didn’t think you’d ever be able to go without this again. 

Paige inserts another finger in your pussy with a smirk and continues to pummel them against your g-spot. The pressure in the pit of your belly was already building, and you knew it wouldn’t be long until you exploded. Paige had taken a break from eating you out to kiss you once more, wanting you to taste your sweet wetness on her lips. It was possibly the hottest thing you had ever done, and the act pushes you closer to the finish line. 

“Gonna cum, Paigey,” you moan wantonly, your thighs twitching and your back arching once more. The tequila in your system causing you to act especially debauched. 

Paige loves it. 

“C’mon, baby. Be a good girl and cum for me,” she moans in response against your soaked pussy, and you fall apart instantaneously. 

High pitched whines and moans fill your bedroom as Paige continues thrusting her fingers in and out of you, slowing down as you ride out your high. If it wasn’t for the alcohol, you would be embarrassed with yourself, but there was no thought of that. 

You needed to taste Paige. 

Once Paige pulls out of you, licking her fingers off as if she was starved, you reattach your lips feverishly. You taste so good, but you are dying to know what she tastes like, and without warning, you strip the rest of her clothes off. 

She lays her head on your mountain of pillows, blonde hair fanning in all directions. You can see the heaving of her chest, already anticipating your touch. Her lips are swollen in a way that’s positively sinful, and you think you’ve never seen anyone look as beautiful as Paige does right now. 

Straddling her, you lean in to suck at the soft skin underneath her left ear, pulling out moan after moan that went right to your still-buzzing pussy. 

Trailing down to her tits, you knead one before attaching your hot mouth to the other, swirling your tongue around it and then nipping it experimentally. 

“Fuck, babe. Please. Can’t do more teasing,” Paige grits out, trying to maintain some semblance of control. 

Just as yours had, Paige’s hips squirm, and you grin up at her. You press kisses across her toned abdomen, mentally noting that her abs would be nice to ride another time, and finally settle at the opening of her legs. 

Spreading her open, you gaze upon her glistening wetness momentarily before diving in. You could not possibly wait another second to taste her. 

You two both moan at the contact, sending muffled vibrations against Paige’s pussy that brings forth a second, louder groan of pleasure. 

Wanting to make her feel so, so good, you plunge two fingers into her sopping wetness, while flicking the tip of your tongue across her clit repeatedly without ceasing. 

It had been awhile since you had eaten another girl out, but it came back to you immediately; it was like riding a bike. 

Paige’s moans fill the room, and you think you could die there happily. You’re unrelenting. The combination of three of your fingers and that lavicious tongue of yours soon has Paige panting out, “fuck, baby. I’m gonna cum.” 

She rides out her orgasm, switching between moaning your name and naughty words that have you immediately wanting to do a second round. 

You pull your fingers out of her wetness, making a show of licking them off in front of her before meeting her in an erotic kiss.

You lay back on your pillows, stifling your sighs and calming the beat of your heart from what you had just done with your best friend. You look over at her, hoping and praying that the sex you just had wouldn’t ruin your friendship. 

Paige bites her lip, in a not so great attempt at hiding a smile, and pecks you on the lips. “That was way better than that fuckhead, Connor, right?” She was smug as hell. But she was not wrong.

“Considering his dick was three inches, uh yeah,” you laugh. “But joking aside, you were amazing.”

“Just glad I could make my girl feel better,” she replies.

“I’m your girl?” you ask, cheeks ablaze in a fiery heat of desire.

“You are now,” Paige chuckles, interlocking your pinkies together in an earnest proclamation of affection. 

You were hers, and she was yours. 

[hugshughes]

this is me trying L. Fantilli

Luca Fantilli x fem!reader

synopsis - You just want Luca to know that you're trying.

wc - 2.5k

contains - cursing, academic burnout (self reflection...), crying, not feeling good enough, reader has an older brother, um suggestiveness??? (reader makes one joke), that's it! LMK!

an - im so sorry i kept you guys waiting... but happy thanksgiving, forgive me im so thankful for you guys. this was a bit more self indulgent than my other fics... THIS WAS SO LATE BECAUSE i wrote 2000+ words then they didn't save and so i literally cried over it and couldn't write for the rest literal week whenever i came back to it i was upset, like i was that sad guys. and i really don't love this because it just isn't as perfect as the first one i wrote was. anyways hope you love this!

-

i've been having a hard time adjusting. i had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting.

You were sick. Not like physical illness, go to the doctor and get medicine sick. You were sick of waking up every day, going to the same classes, eating the same food, coming home, sitting alone in your dorm, then falling asleep and doing it over again. But you couldn't afford to do anything else at the same time. If you wanted to get the grades you needed to pass your current classes, you were going to have to work your ass off.

You were always considered gifted. You took advanced classes all of high school, attending college-level courses in your junior year. Even in your freshman year at Umich, you passed with flying colors, but now, now it was different. You don't know why classes were so much harder now, and it was especially hard because everything had always been so easy.

Even with all of this, you had Luca. Luca had been your boyfriend since October of freshman year. He'd always stood by your side no matter what, but now it felt different. He'd never seen you like this, struggling so much with things you were known for being good at. You remember him telling you how proud he was when you had gotten a 98% on one of your final exams last year, you were worried he wouldn't be proud anymore.

As a child, you were conditioned into thinking that better grades meant better treatment from your parents. Your brother had been a star student always until he'd slacked off senior year and ended up going to a college he was way too smart for. When that happened, your parents decided you wouldn't be like your brother. You would go to a good school, and get good grades, and in exchange they would love you, at least that's how it felt.

i didn't know if you'd care if i came back, i have a lot of regrets about that.

All the love you'd ever known was for a price, your parents', your boyfriend's, even your brother's it was like you had to be good enough before they would consider you lovable.

You never felt this from Luca, but you never gave him a reason to think otherwise. You'd always been this smart girl for him, a girl he bragged about to his friends. The girl he could go to for help in classes.

You didn't mean to be pushing Luca away, but you were so stressed and didn't want to bring him into it.

I know I already said you weren't sick like an illness, but right now you felt gross. You were stuffy and coughing and had a pounding headache, but you had assignments due at 11:59 pm and they couldn't wait. It was 9:03 pm and it didn't look like you were gonna get any relief from class work for a while longer.

pulled the car off the road to the lookout. could've followed my fears all the way down.

You didn't even know you were crying until you saw tears fall onto your iPad screen, where you were currently writing notes for a quiz you had tomorrow. You felt completely helpless. You couldn't stop and let yourself wallow, because you had to get moving on your study guide.

You dropped your Apple Pencil and just buried your face in your hands, rubbing your eyes till you saw stars. Your pity party was interrupted by your phone ringing. Your phone was on your studying do not disturb so if someone's call was coming through it had to be Luca's.

You quickly tried to steady your breathing before swiping to answer the call.

"Hi?"

"Hey. So, what's with you totally skipping my game? You know that meant a lot to me."

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. How did you forget? You were the worst girlfriend ever.

"Oh my God, Luca. I'm so fucking sorry, it completely slipped my mind, oh my God, I didn't even know. I had a really long day, baby, I'm so sorry."

You were trying not to cry even more, you didn't want Luca to think you were a crybaby. Crybaby. That's what your parents called you whenever you got like this, too much for them to love.

and maybe i don't quite know what to say,

Luca just sighed, upset. He was upset with you, and you couldn't fix it. You could hear rustling on Luca's end, and another voice. All of a sudden you were seventeen getting a call from your nineteen-year-old boyfriend while he cheated on you, while another girl laid with him.

but i'm here in your doorway.

You didn't think Luca would do that to you, you really knew he wouldn't. But that one part of you was just screaming that you'd proven yourself unworthy to him, that he was done.

i just wanted you to know,

"I just, I don't even know anymore. You haven't consistently talked to me in weeks, every time we do speak you're in your head, and you keep pushing things off and forgetting. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong here."

Fuck, you couldn't stop the floodgates now. You quickly sniffed, holding the phone away from you so he wouldn't hear, soaking the cuff of your sweatshirt sleeve with tears before trying to respond.

"No, no Luc, you're not doing anything wrong. The last month has just been tough, I just don't know how to tell you. I'm trying Luca, I am, and I'm sorry. I know it doesn't fix anything and you still have every right to be angry with me, I understand why-"

this is me trying.

"Hey, it's whatever, just don't worry about it."

No. No this couldn't happen like this. He couldn't be checking out of your relationship right now. You needed him, even if you didn't know how to tell him. You accidentally let out a whimper when you tried to speak, before shakily breathing a deep breath and trying again.

"No, it isn't. I'm not being good to you. I just- Fuck Luca I'm sorry I didn't mean to forget, and I'm not meaning to be such a bad girlfriend I just, there's just,"

"Just what?"

"I don't know how to tell you! I don't want you to think differently about me Luc. You've never seen me like this."

Your trauma was truly shining through, you were terrified of Luca thinking you weren't smart.

"Are you like uninterested now? You could just tell me, not lead me on! Not just ghost me!"

"No Luca! I love you so much, I'm in love with you. I just-"

You cut yourself off, letting out a stressed sigh, rubbing your eyes when you felt the tears prick in them.

i just wanted you to know,

You didn't know what to say, it was so complicated. Every time you ever tried to talk about this with your family they shut you down, told you you were wrong for feeling like you did, and you didn't want Luca to think those things too.

"I just can't do this stuff anymore,"

"What?"

this is me trying.

"I'm just not smart anymore, and everything is so hard. And I don't know how to talk to you about it 'cause I don't want you to think I'm not smart, but I don't think I am anymore."

"Oh, baby."

Luca was stunned, his girl was going through something and he was upset with her over a hockey game. He thought you were beginning to distance yourself from him because you started to be uninterested in him. He never would've assumed you were doing it because you were scared to talk to him. He never would've assumed you were scared he would think less of you.

"Hey, it's okay. Everything's gonna be alright, okay? How about I come over? We can talk more about everything and I know I'm not the brightest guy when it comes to all of your stuff but I could try to help. That okay, pretty?"

"Yes. Please, Angel. Need you right now."

"Okay, give me a couple minutes, I'll be right there. I love you, okay?"

"I love you, Luc."

Luca let you hang up, taking a deep breath and sitting for a moment just to take in what had just happened. He had a bad feeling in his stomach now, knowing how you were hurting. He quickly recovered and got up, putting his shoes and a hat on backward before leaving his dorm.

He walked fast through campus to get to your dorm building, the cold motivating him further. When he got to your dorm building, he quickly went up the stairs, taking two at a time, and to your room. You were in a single this year, so he wasn't worried about a roommate being bothered by his presence. He knocked on the decorated door gently, bouncing on his feet waiting for you.

they told me all of my cages were mental, so i got wasted like all my potential.

Luca could've sworn he felt his heart break when he saw your face, the exhaustion mixed with sadness wearing you down. He didn't say anything before jumping to wrap his arms around you, just holding you for a minute. You clung to him so tightly, you'd missed him so badly while digging yourself into a hole of isolation.

"Hi sweet girl."

You could've started crying again. He held you gently but firmly, and it was all you ever needed. You felt yourself relax for the first time in two and a half weeks.

and my words shoot to kill when i'm mad. i have a lot of regrets about that.

"Hi Luc"

You sniffled, and Luca just melted. He pulled away from you just a little, pulling his arms away so he could cradle your faces in his palms. You brought your hands up to rest on his wrists, rubbing your thumbs back and forth.

"I missed you, pretty."

You missed him like a little kid. But it was your fault you were ever apart.

i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere.

"I missed you. 'M so sorry I isolated myself from you, I'm so fucking stressed right now. Everything is hard and it's scary 'cause it's never been hard like this for me, and I-"

fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here,

"I know baby. It is scary. College is just scary. And you are like the smartest girl I think ever so I know it's like even scarier for you when things don't make sense quickly, but it's gonna be okay. Because you have your amazing, talented, stud of a boyfriend to help you."

pouring out my heart to a stranger. but i didn't pour the whiskey.

You gave him a look, laughing for the first time in many days.

"He is pretty amazing, and talented, and hot, isn't he?"

i just wanted you to know, that this is me trying. i just wanted you to know, that this is me trying.

He nodded reassuringly, before putting his hands on your hips and pushing you back into your room, closing your door behind him.

"Damn, you just got here."

"Shut the hell up."

You laughed as you climbed up onto your bed, pulling Luca up next to you after he took his shoes off.

at least i'm trying.

"So, about this class. What do we need to learn?"

You explained how tonight you only really needed to do two things, finish a paper that was 75% done, and do another assignment that if you could figure out how to understand the concept, would be done in no time. You both snuggled close together while looking at the paper, Luca helping you through sentences you got stuck on. You finished the paper quickly, then pulled up your notes for the concept of the other assignment.

and it's hard, to be at a party when i feel like an open wound. it's hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you.

At one point Luca took your laptop to read through the notes so you just turned over and rested your head on his chest, before seeing his gorgeous hair covered by a stupid hat grabbing it off of him, and putting it on your bedside table.

"No hats in my room."

"What? Since when?"

"Since I want to see your pretty hair, not the maize and blue hat I see every other day."

Luca just laughed, shaking his head and running his non-scrolling hand down your back. Luca somehow understood the concept and reiterated it to you in a way that made everything click. He was your good luck charm, you knew it. Everything made sense with him.

you're a flashback, in a film reel, on the one screen in my town.

You made him lay on your chest with your laptop resting on his back while you completed the assignment. One hand was in his hair while the other was gliding across the keyboard. You finished it in 20 minutes. And your chest felt so much lighter after you hit the submit button.

You closed your laptop, sliding it onto the floor before putting both of your hands into Luca's hair.

"I knew you could do it, baby. You just needed someone to tell you that."

"I love you."

"I love you so much."

Luca's arms around your middle tightened, and he moved his head to look up at you.

"I know you feel like you have to be this perfect person, baby, but I need you to know you don't have to do that for anyone, especially me. Because you are everything, and I can't take care of you if you're scared to talk to me about how you're feeling. I know your parents and other people make you feel like if you don't do good at school they will love you less, but you need to know that you could flunk out of school, and you would still be the most important person to me, okay?"

i just wanted you to know, that this is me trying.

You were crying. You pulled him somehow closer and hugged him so tight, pulling away after over a minute to give him a good long kiss that expressed your gratitude. Because you were, so fucking grateful. This boy had seen all of it, and still chose you, and would continue to choose you until his last breath.

(and maybe i don't quite know what to say,)

"Thank you, Angel. You don't know how much hearing that means to me. I love you, so so much."

"You're everything. I see that you're trying, and that is always gonna be enough."

i just wanted you to know, that this is me trying. at least i'm trying.

[liillyliilly]

Float On

kozume kenma x reader words; 1723 synopsis; they were literally made for each other- kenma needs her like he needs air to breathe.

It comes to a point where things get stressful for Kozume Kenma. When the world collides with his happy little bubble of composure and complacency. When that happens, he just wants to fold into himself and be left alone. He just wants to be allowed to feel what he is feeling.

Kuroo always says that “Everything is going to be okay.” But that isn’t helpful in the slightest. How can everything be okay when he knows it isn't?

Whereas she tells him “Yeah life sucks. Wanna drive my car super-fast and scream the lyrics to that one song you like?” He doesn’t know what it is that she does, how she changes the mood. How she can keep the context but shift the feeling.

In a world that tells him everything is going to be okay; She thinks realistically. People die, people change things, people hurt, people kill, people can be cruel, but just for a second, he can be happy while knowing that other things aren’t. He’s allowed to be scared. He’s allowed to want to filter the static.

And when he wants to do that, she's there to help.

“Kenma, I have an old math textbook from like, first year in middle school. Wanna rip it up with me? Since you texted telling me that you weren’t feeling the best, I thought getting it out by-” Kenma rushed to her and hugged her tightly. His face pressed into her neck.

“Thanks.”

“For what?”

“For helping me to learn how to float.” She raised her eyebrows, but hugged him back.

“We can float together.”

All good things must end eventually though.

Kenma was playing video games with her when it rapidly began to change. She picked up a phone call. When she went just outside his room, he could hear several key words.

Really?

Accepted?

Waitlist.

Soon?

Deal.

She comes back into his room looking enchanted. She runs a hand into her hair. She uses her other hand to cover her mouth. She starts laughing. She looks at him.

“I got in.”

“Got into what?” When Kenma pauses his game, he realizes he’s in love. Something about her has changed. And he really didn’t want it to. She’s talking but he only listened to the first sentence.

“A foreign exchange program for an entire year away from Japan.”

That didn’t sit right. Away from Japan? But, away from Japan meant away from Tokyo. Away from Tokyo meant away from Nekoma. Away from Nekoma meant away from him. Kenma shakes his head.

“You’re not going.” She looks taken aback.

“I’m going.” She clarifies.

“You can’t.” He says.

“All expenses paid.”

“You’re scared.” He muses.

“Scared but excited.”

The mood is there. The static comes rushing in. The context is still there. The feeling has stayed the same. She hasn’t changed any of it like she was supposed to. She was supposed to change everything and she was supposed to stay the same. But instead, she has changed everything and also changed herself.

Suddenly instead of floating, he’s drowning. And she isn’t there to take him out of the water.

He manages to survive the time spent overseas. It was difficult. Unbelievably painful. When he would lie on his bed at night when he was supposed to be sleeping, he would imagine that she was happily getting along with her new classmates.

During the day, while he was looking out the window during class, he would imagine that Y/N was sleeping soundly with the stuffed cat that she had bought for him originally. But when they were at the airport and she was crying and saying her goodbyes, he slipped the stuffed animal in her backpack.

She tried to contact him every day, but the timing was all off. He tried to contact her every day, but the timing was all off.

When he reads her messages, he takes a step up. Climbing the ladder to get out of the water. He doesn’t need her to help him float. But he still wants her there for him.

So maybe that’s why he’s the first one to get to hug her when she gets off the plane. Maybe that’s why he’s the one to get dinner with her. So maybe that’s why he’s the one who listens to her talk for hours on end about her time overseas. And he knows why he’s the one to kiss her when she says that she only really missed him while she was gone.

Now, Kenma Kozume floats on. And she floats with him.

Sun streamed through the skylight; soft snoring sounds echo in the home. Kenma shifts slightly in the bed, rubbing his face against the pillow before resting again. The smell of wet plants from the morning dew blow in from the open window. The bed smells like dryer sheets and Kenma’s avocado shampoo. Everything is at a pause. Until his phone beeps. Kenma groans and stretches his arms upwards to shake off his sleepiness. He scratches the top of his head as he swings his legs off the side of the bed.

“Kenma.” Y/n calls out, failing her arm as she tries to grasp onto Kenma. Kenma turns around and holds her hand. Y/n lets out a content hum. When Kenma tries to stand up, she just holds onto his hand tighter.

“I gotta go pick up my phone.” Kenma leans back over the bed to press a kiss to her temple.

“Don’t. Just stay in bed.” She pulls his hand toward her, causing him to become unbalanced and he falls back onto the bed. His head landing on her back, then she turns around so he is resting on her stomach instead. She takes her chance and starts running a hand through his hair.

They lay like that for a while. Kenma comfortably situates himself again so that is he hugging Y/n’s waist as she plays with his hair and draws shapes on his shoulders. The blankets are tangled all around their limbs and outside their apartment, someone is playing their piano in the streets. Kenma leans up to kiss Y/n, when she pulls her head away Kenma pouts.

“Kiss?” He asks, leaning in again.

“Not when you have morning breath.” She gives a toothy grin as she laughs and throws her head back onto her pillow. Kenma gets out of bed and enters the bathroom, brushing his teeth with diligence. When he comes back, he crawls on top of her before dropping and laying down, encircling his arms around her. He lets out a breath onto her face. Y/n shakes her head in amusement before giving him a kiss.

She was sitting at her desk, tapping her pencil onto her notepad. Kenma was walking around the house tidying up the place, but the only reason why was because she told him to before he started playing some of his video games. Kenma notices that she hasn’t written anything down for her college project that was due in a few weeks. After watering a few of the plants hanging out on the small balcony he sets the water container down on the couch side table before walking over to her.

He puts his hands on her shoulders, pressing his lips onto her neck as a form of motivation or a way to inspire her to get started on her project.

“Do my project for me.” She demands. Putting her hands on the desk and letting her pencil roll off the notebook and onto the floor.

“I can't do that.”

“Why not?” She moves her arms behind the chair and lets them hang limp, as she rolls her head and eyes in synchronization, before using her left foot to push against the table to spin around in a circle, groaning.

Kenma smiles at her antics before pulling her out of the chair and setting his hands on her waist.

“Because I know you can do it.” He brushes his nose against hers. She wraps her arms around his neck and rests their foreheads together.

“I'm only doing this so some of your strategic skills can pass from your brain to my brain.”

“And I'm okay with being used.” His statement causes her to laugh and lurch forward accidently bumping their heads together. Thus causing both of them to laugh harder, holding their stomach as they howl with laughter and slight pain from hitting their heads together.

Kenma calls out, picking through the Chinese food sitting on the dining table.

“Yeah?” She answers from where she was standing in the bathroom doing her nighttime routine. Splashing water onto her face, causing it to make her shiver a little at the difference in temperature.

“Did you eat my fortune cookie?”

“RUN!” She bolts into the bedroom from the bathroom and locks the door. “I did eat your fortune cookie but only because I got a bad fortune in my own cookie!” She reasons while Kenma tries to pick the lock with a bobby pin that he had used to put his hair up while eating.

“That's not how fortunes work sweetheart.” Kenma finally unlocks the door to see her holding a pillow as a weapon.

He sighs. He would give up all the fortune cookies in the world for her. He would buy her all the fortune cookie that she wanted. Just so long as he was the only one who got to be around her as often as he did. All Kenma wants is to be around and be with her, because that’s what feels right. It had felt right when they were barely second years in high school, and it continues to feel right as university second years.

She drops the pillow and runs up to Kenma to give him a hug. “I’ll give you both fortune cookies next time, I promise.” His shirt smells like jojoba oil and the rose detergent they use for their laundry.

“No, you won’t.” He holds her close and places his chin on her shoulder. Kenma thinks he could just stay like that for forever. Listening to her heartbeat and feeling her soft cotton shirt with his fingertips as he hugs her.

“You’re right. I won’t.” It comes out as a whisper before she begins to tickle his sides as a sneak attack.

[k0zumine]

KENMA KOZUME X T. KUROO’S SISTER! READER

BAD GRADES

CW: slight angst to fluff, lack of eating?

You were already let out 7 minutes late from your class as your teacher had pulled you aside at the end of the lesson to discuss your grade. Yeah, you failed.

Your jaw clenched as your teacher expressed his disappointment in your grade and how he expected better from you questioning what happened for you to get such a low grade all of a sudden. He even went so far as to question if anything was going on at home like it was any of his business.

After a long 7 minutes of him questioning you whilst you tried your absolute hardest to hold in your tears, he finally let you go. Well if that didn’t just ruin your mood.

Releasing a shaky breath you swiftly make your way to the bathroom finally letting us the tears you were holding in. The truth is you studied all week for this test. It even led to staying up all night because of how stressed you were, your brother Tetsuro often coming in to check if you were okay placing a small snack at your table whilst you were buried in your books.“Y/n I think you should take a break”

“Tetsu shut the fuck up I’m trying to study but I can’t if you’re here chewing my ear off” you hissed back hands pressed to your forehead trying to process the information you had written down, in response he slammed your door. Yeah okay, it was a horrible response to a brother who was trying to care about your wellbeing but he should know better than to interrupt your studies.

Looking back at how much studying you did you should have passed. More tears streamed down your face from the frustration, now you’d have to work twice as hard to get back on track. Fuck. As if life isn’t stressful enough.

Sniffling into a tissue from the roll of toilet paper you’d ripped you calmed yourself down taking deep breaths, great now your eyes were red and puffy. You knew as soon as you got home you’d bury yourself into your textbooks and study extra hard, the talk your teacher gave really brought down your confidence as well as your mood.

*ping*

Brother: where tf are you? we always walk home together w kenma on this day

Just the person you didn’t want to speak to, your brother, you weren’t in the mood for his teasing today. You mentally cursed forgetting about one of the few days that you walked home with Tetsuro and your boyfriend Kenma.

You were in the same year as Kenma but unfortunately only had two classes together it sucked, it was only in the middle of your first year that you guys started dating. Tetsuro and Kenma had been best friends for as long as you can remember and along the way you’d gotten closer with the boy which then led to you becoming boyfriend and girlfriend.

you: sorry

you: go off without me

Brother: hahha no. you think Kenma would allow you to walk home alone? neither would I

you: I literally walk home alone when you guys are at volleyball practice…

Brother: just hurry up

you: no i’ll be a while just go bye.

[seen]

You sighed bringing out makeup wipes to fix the mascara stained down your cheeks mentally noting to wear waterproof mascara next time. Finally after another 5 minutes of calming yourself from the breakdown your eyes still were still red and puffy but you decided it would be best to walk home now.

As exiting the school grounds you pulled the hood up of the hoodie you borrowed off Kenma that was under your blazer praying nobody saw you as you connected your airpods disconnecting from the outside world.

“y/n!! why did it take you almost 20 minutes to leave school?” Testuro shouted, your jaw clenched. Why did they wait?!

Avoiding his gaze by staring at the cracks in the floor you walked past him ignoring his presence, if you’d engaged in a conversation with your brother right now you’d snap and say some hurtful things you didn’t mean as currently your head wasn’t in the right mindset.

“Hey missy I was talking to you” Getting in front of you but you walked around him. “What’s your problem?!” Grabbing your arm and turning you around, you tried wiggling out of his grip but he was too strong. “Get off” you mumbled attempting to pull his hand away.

“Not until you tell us why you’re acting like that” God he sounded like a parent scolding their child.

“Like what? I’m fine” you hissed back refraining from saying more.

“First of all you’re not even looking me in the eye, I can’t even see your eyes, secondly you ignored Kenma and I”

“L-leave me alone testuro” Your voice cracked, yeah you fucked that up well done!!

“What you get in trouble with your teacher or something?” He smirked, your jaw clenched even tighter.

“Tetsuro seriously fuck off you’re so fucking annoying!” you shouted sniffling a little and catching him off guard, the grip on your arm loosening giving you an escape route walking away slightly quicker than usual.

Kuroo stood there slightly taken back at your hurtful words, Kenma the same as he’d rarely see you act like this, especially to your brother who you claimed you loved dearly. He sighed seeing the hurtful expression on his best friend's face “I’ll talk to her, there must be a reason why she’s acting this way, you know she’d never mean that” reassuring the boy who’d just had his heart shattered in a matter of seconds. “yeah…okay” he mumbled hands in his pockets keeping a large distance from his sister.

Kenma jogs up to you “y/n love”, you keep walking your head down holding in your tears. Kenma is now in front of you gently holding both your wrists stopping you from moving, “…are you okay?” his voice was full of concern but was met with no reply. “Hey I can’t help you if you’re not replying, please look at me in the eyes” pulling the hood of the hoodie you were wearing down and gently lifting your head up to be met with your red puffy eyes on the edge of crying. “what’s wrong baby?? please what's wrong, I love you so much” he pleaded his face looking distressed which caused tears to fall down your face as you began crying. “Ken I wanna go home…please” you sniffled as he wiped the tears off your face. Cupping your cheeks he brought your face closer placing a kiss on your forehead “Okay we’ll go back to your house and you can tell me what’s wrong kay?” interlocking his fingers with yours.

Kenma turned back to see Kuroo urging him to explain what was wrong with you but was met with a shrug of Kenma's shoulders, Kuroo sighed as he walked behind the couple.

As you all finally got back to your house you rushed to your room letting go of your hold on Kenma. “Hey! Wai-“ Kenma called but you had already shut your door. “Did she tell you anything?” Kuroo asked him. “No..but she was crying her eyes really red and puffy, I’ll go talk to her now”

Kenma slowly opens your door to see you sitting at your desk deeply buried in your books, he takes a seat on your bed watching what you’re doing “y/n”.

“Hm?” You replied not taking your eyes off what you were doing. “Come to bed and talk to me please” He sighed patting the bed.

“I’m busy studying Ken” you mumbled rubbing your already red eyes, “I’m sure you can take a 10-minute break plus I doubt any of that information is even going to your head right now you know…since you were crying before”

“Ken just leave me alone you’re really starting to piss me off” You hissed gripping the pen tightly.

“Yeah no that’s not gonna happen especially when you’re acting like this” He rolled his eyes standing up and walking closer to you “I’m fine!”.

“You have tears in your eyes and you’re telling me you’re fine?” A face of concern spread across his face and gently tugged your wrist and guided you to the bed, you gave in sniffling as more tears came out lying down on your bed. Kenma joined in after you then pulled your head towards his chest and you wrapped your arms around his waist crying even more “I-I’m sorry Ken I didn’t mean to say that”.

“Shh it’s okay I know you didn’t mean it, now will you please tell me why you were crying?” He pleaded running his fingers through your hair to calm you down. That’s when you explained to him the events that occurred after school. “Is that why you were hardly answering my messages this week?” He asked, you rolled your eyes.

“I’m gonna go grab you a snack kay? Stay in bed please” Pressing a kiss on your forehead as he went to the kitchen where he was met with his best friend.

“So did she tell you?” Kuroo asked, that’s when Kenma relayed everything you told him to your older brother. Kuroo sighed “She’s been overworking herself too much on this test, I come into her room and she’s constantly studying hell she’s barely eaten anything these past few days!”

Kenma runs his fingers through his hair “I’ll make her some toast, are you making dinner soon?” Kuroo nodded whilst Kenma popped two slices of toast in the toaster.

“Hey love-“ Kenma entered your room when he saw you sitting on your bed looking through your notes…again. Kenma rushes to place the plate of toast on your bedside table and moves all your work away from you. “Yeah no more studying today, Kuroo told me you’ve been overworking yourself, that's probably why you didn’t get a good grade” Kenma sighed.

“Ken please” You pleaded reaching to grab your work when Kenma gently grabbed your wrist preventing you from doing so, he sat beside you on the bed. “He also told me you’ve barely eaten so I’ve made you some toast whilst dinners being made” Placing the plate on your lap. “thanks..” you mutter taking small bites of the toast.

“y/n take some bigger bites please?” he pleaded caressing your cheeks with encouragement. After a few more minutes you’d finished your slice of toast whilst Kenma reassured you that it was going to be okay muttering sweet words in your ear.

“Do you think you can apologise to your brother now? He was quite upset earlier” Kenma asked now playing with your hair.

“For what?- Oh yeah…that” You frown leaning into his touch. “It’s okay I’m sure he’ll understand if you apologise to him..he was really worried about you” He sighs letting go of you and getting off the bed. Kenma gently grabs your hand and leads you off the bed and to the kitchen where Tetsuro was busy making dinner.

He softly pushes you towards the kitchen and walks back into your room giving the two siblings some privacy.

“Tetsu?” You softly called to your brother, he looked up for a second and looked back down at the food he was making he hummed waiting for you to continue.

“Listen..I’m sorry for before and for being a bitch this whole week..I just really needed a good grade and I was stressed” You explain sighing, Testuro looks up and stops what he’s doing.

“It’s fine sorry for teasing you before I should have known better…are we okay now?” He replied opening his arms out for a hug which you happily accepted.

“How was it?” Kenma asked as you walked into your room to find him lying on your bed playing on your game's console.

“Fine..thank you” You said joining him on the bed and watching him play the game. One arm made its way around your waist and back to the controller as you leaned into his side.

“I love you”

[peachy-wolfhard]

dating yuta okkotsu

a/n: wowzers more than one post a year??? also HAPPY BDAY YUTA LUB U BABYBOY

Warnings: swearing, sims death, yuta gets elbowed accidentally, a little angst

Word Count: 823

My literal bf

He's so in love

Heart eyes whenever someone even slightly mentions you

Yuta will be talking to someone and if they slightly mention something you like he starts rambling about how amazing you are and how much he loves you while blushing and borderline giggling and kicking his feet

He's so sticky too like anything you do he's right there like a shadow

Yuta is also really quiet when he is being your shadow so 99% of the time he ends up scaring you when you turn around 

One time after a mission, you're nerves were still on edge and Yuta just happened to walk behind you and ended up getting an elbow to the eye (Rika beat ur ass sorry)

Yuta isn't that big of a gamer himself but he LOVES to watch you play the sims, especially if you made you and him

Speaking of the Sims ! Whenever Yuta is away for missions you always update him about what's going on

hi yu! Update ab our sims…OUR SON DIED HE DIED IN A FIRE IM SO SAD!!!!!! BUT ITS OK WE CAN MAKE A NEW ONE ;) wink wink anyway we moved to a farm and ITS HAUNTED. ok bye bye baby ilysm MWAH

VOICE MESSAGES!! Yuta can't get enough of them he loves sending them to you and he loves when you send them

yuta

“Hi honey, I just saw a really cute cat that reminded me of you. I swear it looked almost one hundred percent like you, not even joking…ok i gotta go bye i love you!”

Facetimes are another thing that is pretty regular. Its either you walking around campus showing him to all your friends or him show you around wherever he is

“Yuta, look at these freaks. They’re going crazy without you here…me too honestly”

“I know I'm losing my mind not being around you guys but especially you.”

Another thing he loves is sending random pictures to each other

*picture of yuta being cute* 

y/n

OMG IM SOBBING MWAH MWAH IM GONNA EAT U I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND

*picture of you doing something*

yuta

Cries sobs screams throws up I MISS UUUUUUUUUU <333333 :333

ONE LAST THING

Yuta barely uses emojis, he's an emoticon boy :3

He always brings you presents back from wherever they send him

There's always a big dramatic reunion when he returns. Running into each other's arms, fake loud crying, one of you carrying the other (translation: you carrying Yuta) …the works

Nights after he gets home are very chill. Ordering take out and watching reality tv while just enjoying each other's company. Ending the night by cuddling each other to sleep

Yuta has a note in his notes app of EVERYTHING you like and dislike

Everytime you slightly mention something you like or dislike he makes a mental note to write it down

Even if he doesn't write something down, he memorized it. Remembers what kind of candy you like, what your favorite flowers are, your orders from take out and restaurants

While your guys relationship is lovely and amazing it does get hard sometimes with Yuta always being gone and you having missions and school

Going days without hearing from the other because the two of you are so stressed and busy then having to update each other all at once in one message then repeating the process

Trying to facetime each other but when he's in an entirely different timezone it's hard. You'll be almost asleep and his day is just starting

After a while it started to get to you, that your boyfriend was away for so long, you weren't able to see him, and when you were you had to prepare for him to leave just a few weeks after

Even though you were surrounded by your friends and teachers that love you, you felt so lonely

Finally you talked to him about it, about how all his traveling made you feel so alone and he agreed with you. That he too felt so alone (because most of the time he was) and that he just wanted to stay home for at least a year

Loves snuggling with you but only in private (Maki beat his ass)

Holds you so close at night to the point it feels like he's trying to get into your skin

Seems like the type to either wear minimal clothes to bed or pajama sets, no in between

Kicks the blankets off then curls up to you when he inevitably gets cold

Yes he's very sweet but he still likes to mess with you ESPECIALLY at night

His favorite thing to do is putting his cold hands or feet on you and asking “are my feet/hands cold”

ONE LAST THING

He 100% gets you guys those Lego roses so you can build them together

Overall he very much loves you and cant get enough of you

[ovaryacted]

I had a shit ton of ideas about fuckboy!Leon since I saw the fanart made by @glacierclear a while ago, so I decided to write some blurbs about him because I'm obsessed. (At 1.1k words mind you) It gets angsty the further you read.

So, in a world where Leon was able to make the mistakes any young adult would, what would him being a fuckboy look like?

Fuckboy!Leon is a dickhead, a borderline asshole. It’s not entirely intentional, but that’s just the person he is, more so the person he’s become over the years. A literal walking red flag and isn’t ashamed about it, nor does he try to hide it. He’s a walking shitstorm, everyone knows that, and he wears it like a badge with a shit-eating grin on his pretty face.

Fuckboy!Leon whose aesthetic involves black painted nails, eyeliner, and piercings all over his face, more punk than anything, with a slight tinge of jock but that’s only on occasion. He still remembers when he went to a dingy tattoo parlor at 17 with a fake ID after some beers, getting his nipple pierced as a dare from Chris. That was his gateway into the piercing world, going back to do the other nipple to match, followed by some on his ear and now a tongue bar he likes to flash around.

Fuckboy!Leon is a known frat boy and party go-er. You’ll probably find him near the keg drinking straight out of the tap, or playing beer pong as an excuse to drink more. He’s also a social smoker, if there’s weed around from a friend of his, he’ll take a hit or two of a joint just because he could. Despite him being a party animal, he’s actually really smart. A high academic achiever, top of his class and enjoys reading. He just comes off as such a nonchalant douchebag nobody seems to care to ask him about school.

Fuckboy!Leon is an impulsive mess. He’s always getting himself into some shit, whether it be fights or arguments, or being defiant with authority. He just doesn’t give a shit about the rules or labels, thinking it’s all overrated. He’s hotheaded, stubborn, and thinks he knows everything. His ego paired with that vulgar mouth of his constantly gets him in trouble. 

Fuckboy!Leon who is a flirt, a cocky one at that. He doesn’t pay any mind about how he’s perceived, being too annoyed with people as a whole to really give a shit what others think of him. A cornball at heart, he’d have signature one-liners that would make some people roll their eyes, and others drool at the mouth. Most of the time they’ll do the job, but sometimes just sometimes, he’ll get that rejection that he’ll brush off as if it were nothing. Only he’ll think about it for the next few days and try again to remedy that rejection by asking that person again on a shitty date. It doesn’t work.

Fuckboy!Leon who has the reputation of a whore on campus. Everyone knows about him, about what he does or can do in any given setting. You’ve heard of the stories passing by the halls, both girls and guys talking about how well his mouth is and what he does with his hands. Not to mention, how he’s certainly not shy about what he’s carrying. So his ego matches his attitude given that he has a reason to be cocky in the first place.

Fuckboy!Leon who has commitment issues and doesn’t do relationships, much less anything regarding any establishment of intimacy. He doesn’t want the stress of dealing with feelings and actively avoids situations that involve them. All he wants or looks for, are people who are willing to give him a good time, no more and no less. Though as much as he frequently deprives himself of that, there are times when he craves affection from another person. He shuts those ideas down with a quick shot of cheap tequila or some weed, whichever works faster.

Fuckboy!Leon that has this façade of not giving a fuck about himself or other people. That didn’t happen naturally. He used to be the guy who was constantly looking out for others, being reliable, and always saving people while nobody fought to save him. That version of himself died after being hurt one too many times, building an emotional wall that was impenetrable and would protect him from being wounded again. Nobody could hurt him so long as he didn’t let them get too close. 

Fuckboy!Leon who has abandonment issues and is scared of intimacy. He’s been left alone and forgotten by the same people who said they cared about him. The last thing Leon wants is to try to mend the pieces of himself after someone was finished using him. So he doesn’t invest in people or personal relationships outside of friendship. He learned a long time ago that if he keeps people at a distance, they can’t hurt him.

Fuckboy!Leon is insecure to a degree. It’s not that he doesn’t think he’s attractive, he is and he knows that and uses it to his advantage. But he oversexualizes himself because he thinks that’s the only way people would want him, the only way he can get people's attention. All this does for him is make him question his self-worth constantly, and doubt whether or not anyone views him as a human being instead of someone expendable. 

Fuckboy!Leon who constantly self-sabotages because he doesn’t think he’s good enough for happiness or love. On top of the trust issues he has, he feels that once he has something going for him, he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. He’ll find a way to mess things up for himself to get the result he’s used to having. Leon doesn’t want to risk being in a position of vulnerability, so instead he’ll hurt the other person before they get the chance to do it to him first.

Fuckboy!Leon who despite the trauma he buries and usually dismisses, all he really wants is someone to care enough about him to want him in their life. He was always there when people needed him but when it was time for him to need help there was nobody in his corner to support him. He wishes that for once, someone cared enough to fight for him instead.

Fuckboy!Leon who underneath that cocky, irritating, and emotionally-detached persona is someone that wants to be loved. He’s so certain he isn’t worthy of that and thinks nobody would be willing to try for him. He thinks he’s hard to love, that it’s all rotten work. He’s a douche sure, but he’s a sweetheart underneath, one that is too scared to come out. All Leon needs is someone ready to give him a chance, and with a lot of patience and guidance, it will be something so fulfilling that the way he’s viewed by other people and himself will change for the better.

I'm totally not thinking of writing a fanfic about this but shhh.

©️ ovaryacted 2023. Please don’t repost, copy, translate, or feed into any AI. Comments and reblogs are always greatly appreciated.

[lains-reality]

hi :) i hope you’re having a wonderful day

you’re literally the only blogger i trust when it comes to non-duality, and your advice has been the one i’ve been most easily able to apply/understand. I hope this doesn’t come off as a vent, but it probably will just because this question is so complicated and problem riddled, and tbh idek if you’re actually going to respond, but yea. it’s like star wars you’re my obi wan kenobi! my last hope lol

basically i’ve put my life on hold and procrastinated everything i’ve needed to do. (TW: death?? health problems/sa?) I went through a really bad year, last year. the human character i identify with (non-dualistic terms, bc ik this character isn’t me?) was sa’d in the beginning of the year. really traumatic. i dropped out of school, i couldn’t go out of the house because i feared for my life. i became super paranoid. i reported it and filed charges, but the justice system is fucked so.

anyways, after because the amount of stress i was experiencing, i became very ill. my biological father wished death on me, and i believed it at the time, because my sibling wished for me to get raped, and then it happened. i can see now, how my belief may or may not have been the cause of what happened. i then got cancer. the doctors couldn’t figure it out for months, and even ridiculed me- saying how i relied on google.

i finally went to a specialist who was immediately concerned, and then confirmed my suspicions. i was sort of friends with a blogger on here who got into the void and manifested their dream life. they went into the void for me and affirmed that i no longer had cancer, and that i could tap/wake up in the void. the next day, the huge lump/tumor on my neck was gone. all of my ailments- trouble breathing, patchy and rough skin ceased. i literally told my mother what happened which made her start believing in the power of “manifestation”.

because of the paranoia, and then cancer- i didn’t go to school my last 2 years of school. i switched to online, but never felt the need to complete my classes because i knew i would get into the void. i’ve gotten into the void, both by waking up/tapping into it but i haven’t been able to change my awareness, or “manifest” bc i was just mumbo jumbing words or poetry. i didn’t apply to university, because i thought i’d enter the void before then and revise my school grades + make it so i got into the university of my choice.

now, i have a week left before i have to finish my classes- which i have 7 of them, and so many assignments. i have to move out in the middle of august because i lied to my parents and said i got into university, because i thought i would’ve already changed things with the void by now. my life was fucked, then i fucked my life. after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now, yet i haven’t. i don’t know what i’m doing wrong, because i was able to show myself the truth of reality (as lester levinson said).

i am really stressing because now everything is falling down on itself. i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go, yet it’s so hard when teachers are bombarding me with messages how i have to finish the classes, or how i have to move out soon. i know this is probably ego driven, but i feel as if i can’t see a way through because of how attached i am to this. my health has also been abnormal, which makes me fear that the cancer has returned. what should i do?? im kinda freaking out.

anyways, i am so sorry if this came across trauma dumping/venting. i am just at a point where i do not even know where to begin to conceptualize this into understanding. this took a lot of courage to type, as im a bit afraid still- that people who hurt me from last year will see this (even though i know they won’t, but still). i totally understand if you wish not to post this or answer it, as it is very long and limiting. thank you though! i hope you have a wonderful week:)

this was quite difficult to answer as i've never been through so much turmoil all at once. i hope this answer helps and you'll continue taking care of yourself! (i'm sorry i linked way too much lol just don't read it all at once!)

firstly i want you to rest.

you've been through a lot and you've also been putting off a lot to get into the void. stopping life for manifestation is common it seems, its not healthy either. so much pressure is coming from time. you put all your expectations on a method, and i'm gonna guess that you also put so much onto your mind to get you into the void.

practically: your biological father sounds abusive and so does your sibling, i would be more careful around him. idk if your not around him anymore, it sounds like it? but you need to plan accordingly for your lie. are you gonna tell your parents or ?

theres a massive chance you'll just go crazy trying to figure out all these moving parts, so i suggest do what you can and leave the rest. do the minimum to keep you safe, then figure out the rest as it comes. do whatever you need to do, just remember to not take on too much at once.

ask for breaks on work at school for medical reasons, maybe think about jobs, etc. you see how much more could come into the picture? but this is all the body-mind can do. its easy to treat it as god, but its not god.

"but i feel as if i can’t see a way through"

You fail to do the works of God, because you take the body to be God. - Ada B. [4dbarbie]

take a look at these meditations:

butter meditation

peace meditation

surrender meditation

un-identification exercise

crying meditation

i'd like you pick one of these exercises:

feel all the shit. feel bad. just do it. let all the bad feelings out. put on sad music and fucking cry. cry it all out.

let yourself rest, with no problems. if a thought or feeling comes in just let it, because its not a problem remember? :) just put on some calming music or visualise a calming place. and let yourself have some time with nothing. no conditions. no perfection. no obligations. no 'have to' 'should' 'must'. let that go for this time

feel as if you've died. feel as if you've been completely forgiven, feel as if there was a powerful white light that washed you away of all the crap. really feel as if the divine came down, hugged you and said 'i love you and forgive you'. its all over. finally its all done. you can rest. (i suggest kickstarting this with imagery or music, its hard to generate feeling such grace on you own. i saw a jesus holding a baby lamb picture that made me burst out in tears and realised that all i wanted was just to be, no obligations. i imagined waking up in a heaven, in a gaint flowerfield. do what you want)

one time i did the 1st and 3rd exercises (i made it up on the spot) and it was worth it. the next few days felt much better. its like an exercise in rebirth. let yourself be reborn.

some days you'll just do one or all 3. pick what ever feels right in what ever order. but i suggest that 'feel as if you've died' or 'no problems' comes last! the whole point is to let the painful emotion pass through and settle in a neutral or grateful place.

"after discovering non-duality i gained hope that i would be able to turn things around by now"

here's the problem, you went into a philosophy intending to manifest. yes,, (1) you can do that (2) its okay, AS LONG AS YOU DONT MISS THE POINT. the point being that there is no person! the character is a character, not you. manifestation is just another concept, you can use it as long as you understand that its not real. thats why i shared the BOOKS, you need to READ.

"i try to forget my problems, and don’t give them life by letting go"

don't force yourself to forget (don't say you're not forcing it, otherwise you never would of wrote "TRY"). just let them be. deal with it when it comes up. the mind'll want to make a bazillion plans and stress. if you can make plans without spiriling, then do it. if you can't, don't. there will probably be some things you need to plan and thats okay. but everything else, leave it.

you haven't actually let it go, you're here in my inbox. you do not need to force letting it go. you naturally let it go by realising who you are in relation to it all. if you think you're the body-mind then its impossible to let go, because its your life and it involves you and if you let it go to shit, you might die!! - says the mind. but if you're Self, then this is not you. all those stories mean nothing compared to Infinity, Absolute Perfection and Love!

the Self is who you truly are. Self is still underneath it all, it is all. its imagining itself being a human. the character is the wave, YOU are the ocean. ultimately this is about realising all the identities, images and roles that "you've" taken on and used as reference are not you. how can a story be you? how can the past be you? are you the past? are you currently living in the past? you can be if you keep bringing it into the now.

when you stop using the past as a reference point, how much more posibilities come up now?

this is because the mind only knows what it knows. it cannot know anything more than what it knows right now. it can't access infinite intelligence. that's why it'll try to project into the future, and make plans. but it doesn't truly know. all it does is give suggestions based off the past. it is a combination of identity based off feelings, thoughts and memories that is collected and turned into a habit.

the past, memories, feelings, thoughts, identifies, roles etc all pass through you. they all come up like waves and then leave on THEIR OWN. if you hold onto these (which the character wants to do, it thinks thats all it is) it'll be painful when they are threatened in some way. a simple remark of "oh you look xxx" can be so painful for some characters because they based their whole life on a singular identity that WILL go.

Most of you can't change because you are so desperate TO change... but there is nothing to want to change. Things just are. Don't work with changing self, just realize who self actually is. [4dbarbie]

this is not a forcing thing, its just a rememberance. its done out of love, passion, a desire to just be free! with no ties to whatever identity! its takes courage, not convincing or denial.

Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did? What are changes in your psyche, do you feel more confident, do you feel like you could take on the world? Don't you love Vanessa now that you know that she always was a choice? Even if she wasn't the greatest, what's so wrong with her? She is just somebody, she just lives a life. Things are only so serious when you're identified with her, you get scared, you get hurt, you feel stuck. But when you know that she can't hinder you? That she was never you? Don't you just want to laugh and hug her? [4dbarbie]

are you sure you're reading books and posts? a lot of this is already answered. your case is just more to deal with, but the point is still the same: you are not the body and mind, see what would happen if you questioned them.

just KEEP IT SIMPLE!

i'd like to leave you with this.

Once a young woman came to Hafiz and said, “What is the sign of someone knowing God?” And Hafiz became very quiet and stood in silence for nearly a minute. Lovingly looking deep into the young woman's eyes, he then softly spoke: “My dear, they have dropped the knife. The person who knows God has dropped the cruel knife so often used upon their tender self and others.” [source]

some extra resources

eft - health fear

eft - afraid to feel

we cannot practice letting go

heart of an emotion

i want to wake up with everything

hafiz - love's victory (PLEASE WATCH IT)

trust yourself

"You think you're doing it all for nothing, that's why you don't do it. But is freedom from pain really nothing? At least you are, for once in your life, sighing from relief from all this never-ending sense of doing."

health anon

apply

"All the process requires is letting go of thinking you are Vanessa."

behaviour

letting thoughts and emotions pass

challenge yourself

stories

everything brings you back to your Self

you've been through a lot and i'm glad you still are full of love! otherwise you never would've tried in the first place to change anything. use that love, take any anger and turn it into love for freedom! for Self! i know you can do it!!

also: the feeling of bad health coming back is a sign to me. you've put so much on hold: your healing from the sa, the healing from your family, the lying, LIFE in general. you can't keep doing that. turn inwards. the fear won't consume you.

[babacontainsmultitudes]

I'm not the first person to bring this up but, I do feel that the general response to the gun range scene has mostly failed to acknowledge the context that would call for such extreme levels of self-defense training in the first place. We know from episode 23 that even just a few years after the release of the doodler (when Lark and Sparrow themselves are still just teens) things are already pretty bad (to the extent that in Lark's case the stress of it all has already begun to take a physical toll on him- don't forget that he and Sparrow too were once kids who had the world placed on their shoulders), and one need only look at how quickly the situation with the mayor has degraded to imagine how bad things would have gotten by the time Hero was 12. Training your six-year-old to use a gun in a normal or at least mostly normal world? Batshit crazy. Training your six-year-old to use a gun in a world overrun by an eldritch horror where danger, death, and the possibility of corruption from said eldritch horror are around every corner? Still intense but, much easier to understand the reasoning behind.

oh oops it's a long post woops woops woops

In Sparrow's case in particular, we know that he behaves quite differently under alternative circumstances, and that Normal (Hero too for that matter) lives a pretty different life in a post code purple world:

Not that it hasn't been Sparrow's intent and priority to mitigate the extent to which Normal was caught up in everything from the get-go, as evidenced by his namesake. Recall what he had to say on the matter:

In some ways this extreme self-defense training is a "two sides of the same coin" sort of deal vis-a-vis Grant's extreme isolation of Lincoln for his protection, a major difference being that Lincoln still deals with this in a post code purple world (to the extent that he literally had to pretend to starve himself to get his dad to let him go to public school), whereas Normal and Hero get the chance to live mostly normal lives and do as they please (the disapproving words of a drunken and partially-doodlerized Sparrow aside), now removed from the immediate threat of the doodler.

Hero's case is, at least from what we currently know about the prophecy, more complicated than Norm's. It is easy to reprimand Lark and Sparrow as being the worst parents (and/or uncles) whilst forgetting that their circumstances are fundamentally different from the other kiddads. The first half of this lying in their shared responsibility (and guilt) in releasing the doodler. Grant and Nicky can retreat to their respective homes on the basis that this is the best they can do, resolving to put their energy into protecting their closest ones first and foremost. At the end of the day, they aren't really any more responsible for dealing with the doodler than any other bystander. The same cannot be said of Lark and Sparrow, who can't exactly look away from the fact that they were the ones who brought the doodler into the world. At least from their perspectives- of course Lark (and Sparrow by extension) in reality was a child that was manipulated into doing what he did, which as some people have pointed out is not dissimilar to what happened to Normal at the end of this episode (and if Sparrow felt the need to rid Normal of his memories of this event in particular, perhaps it was to spare his child from feeling guilty about it for the rest of his life).

The second half of what differentiates them is, of course, the prophecy (right- now we can actually get to Hero lol). We must remember that, as far as the twins knew, the only way to actually "defeat" the doodler permanently was through the chosen one, i.e. Hero (probably- after last episode I'm starting to think that Norm may be more directly involved in the prophecy than previously thought, but that's a tangent). "Continue to let the being you released into the world kill and torture millions (very likely billions) of people, which could wind up including both of your children, or put your ill-fated child through very intense and ultimately traumatizing training to put an end to it, potentially losing her in the process", is essentially the choice the twins were given. Hero isn't made to kill a deer with her bare hands for the hell of it, she goes through what she does because Lark (who likely did not see the same thing that Normal did on the throne- or at the very least interpreted things very differently) and Sparrow had no reason to believe that there was any other possibility. This certainly does not negate or undermine the extent to which Hero was deeply traumatized by it all, but it's not exactly a detail that you can choose to ignore when discussing the ethics of Lark and Sparrow's decision-making.

And yet, despite it all, Sparrow and Lark do ultimately chose saving their children over saving the world. Not before significant damage has already been done (to Hero that is), but they do decide to go through with the one plan that allows both of their children to (hopefully) live a doodler-free life: code purple. Code purple, which ultimately reduces to a trolley problem with a presumably near-equal number of people on both tracks, with the important difference of sparing their own children in one case, and likely not the other. And if we want to talk about Henry's ethical stance in the matter and how it compares to the twins, we need to consider what it says about him if he was *not* in favor of code purple, with all of this in mind. Not to come to any hasty conclusions about Henry either- I think there remains too many unknowns on that front to assume much and... Ultimately it's a complicated matter! But that's kind of my point.

Even post code purple, Lark and Sparrow (and the rest of the kiddads) try to pursue that which they believe (or at least hope) will both put an end to the doodler without involving their children and without the enactment of the prophecy. Is blowing up an entire world with the sun to save all the others a plan I'm gonna sit here and defend? I don't think so lol, but you can't exactly look at it and pretend that Lark and Sparrow don't care about protecting their fucking kids.

My point isn't that Lark and Sparrow haven't made a lot of mistakes and questionable decisions, my point is that their circumstances are so much less black and white than the majority of the takes I see on them make them out to be, and a lot of the conclusions I see people jump to when it comes to the twins' feelings and intentions strike me as... Pretty odd? Tangentially-related: if you don't think Sparrow is someone who is affectionate with and deeply loves his kids despite his flaws, I don't really think we're listening to the same podcast. But even in Lark's case, yes he's more subtle about it and yes, Lark can be quick to anger (not that I personally read him yelling in the last episode as anger so much as panic but all the same), but affection can be sewing bulletproof material into your nephew's mascot costume, or secretly taking him out for pizza, or pretending to be his dad so that you can tell him you're proud of him, or putting your gun down when he asks you to. The twins are anything but perfect but, fuck if they aren't trying (and changing, and improving). And yes, they deserve some damn nuance.

Also, okay, I couldn't really find a neat way to bring this up in the above but, speaking of no-nuance and bad faith takes, can we talk about the locks? Or lack thereof, rather. "How could they be so stupid as to leave the door unlocked?" you're right, that does seem odd, and Anthony made a point to explain that every other door was very thoroughly locked, and Normal seemed to have practically been moved into opening the door against his own will so... Hear me out, maybe, just maybe, the door usually *is* locked??? And something fishy or unusual is afoot? I also wouldn't take their immediate, knee-jerk reactions to a dangerous flesh monster being released to come to any conclusions on whether or not Lark and Sparrow "blame" six-year-old Normal for it. In Sparrow's case, I struggle to even imagine it. In Lark's case, though I wouldn't put him above getting angry over it, my doubts on his deeper feelings are still high. Conversely, if he actually did place some of the blame on Normal, at the very least there is an interesting discussion to be had on how this relates to Lark's own guilt over what Willy manipulated him into doing, and subsequently being denied the catharsis of punishment. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Like I said, a lot of important things are yet unknown.

*breathes* okay end of overdue ramble [insert proper conclusion paragraph here lol], thank you.

[the-broken-truth]

Missing Piece - Yandere Leona Kingscholar [Part 1]

Summary: Leona finds Yuu is pregnant with his child and demands she get rid of it; claiming he hated children and walked nothing to with the cub she was carrying. Upon refusing to do so, she ends their relationship. 7 years have passed since graduation, and Leona is working at his Father's Company but he feels like something is missing in his life. He finds what he is missing upon meeting a lost boy while on his way to work.

Broken: I don't know every single thing about Twisted Wonderland or Leona, but I really wanted to write this, so just bear with me. Here are some notes explaining a few things in this story.

Notes:

Yuu possesses magical abilities, but she is still human. Her specific magical ability is called Binding Magic, which allows her to use chains to immobilize her targets. However, she needs to be within a certain distance from her target for the chains to remain bound. Alternatively, she can use more magical energy to maintain the chains at a distance. The maximum amount of time the chains shall remain bound is one hour.

Night Raven College is an All-Boys School, so Yuu attends a school for girls.

This is a more modern version of Twisted Wonderland - The Kingscholar Family owns a major company and Leona is one of the possible heirs, but he has an older brother who is the main heir. There are still Beastmen and others, as well as magic, but they live alongside humans in this storyline.

Yuu sat alone in her dorm room, tears slowly streaming down her face as she attempted to calm herself down; stress was not good for her, not at this delicate moment in her life. She inhaled through her nose before exhaling through her mouth and opened her eyes to look around the room, she was currently in the middle of packing; graduation was right around the corner and her time at the school she was attending was coming to an end. She was excited and sad to leave this place, she made great friends and had some good times, but at the same time, there were some times she had massive regrets. One of those moments was happening right now. Yuu's attention was drawn from the room when the phone in her grasp dinged and vibrated against her palm, signaling she had a new text message. She unlocked her phone before opening the message, her eyes narrowed as more tears flowed upon reading the contents of the message and who it was from.

Leona, her boyfriend.

No.

She should not call him that anymore; no loving boyfriend would say the things he said to her earlier in the day.

Leona: You know that I love you, I really do, but I can't accept this; I refuse to. Just get rid of it and we can forget about the fight, we can continue being happy together as we planned, Herbivore. Just get rid of it.

Yuu scoffed at the message before turning her screen off and throwing the phone on her bed before placing her hand on her stomach which contained the most important thing in her life now - her child.

Yuu met Leona during a joint school event with Night Raven College as the main sponsor since it was much larger than the school Yuu came from. She was talking with some friends when she bumped into Leona and ruined his shirt with the drink she was enjoying; he literally growled at her and demanded that she apologize for ruining his shirt, but she stood up to him and told him to leave her be. This is what triggered Leona's Interest in her and he continued to follow her around for about 2 months - he somehow got her number and would constantly text her, asking her to give him a chance and she finally gave in, agreeing to a date at the cafe in the city. Things went well, better than well, and the two of them kept seeing each other until Leona asked Yuu to be his girlfriend; she agreed and life was good for them.

Alas, all good things come to an end eventually; do they not?

Yuu had been feeling under the weather for a while and her friend told her she might want to get a pregnancy test done since this feeling arrived after Yuu helped Leona out of his rut; Yuu was certain that the two of them used protection but she went to get the test anyway. Imagine her surprise when she discovered she was bearing Leona's Child; she was happy and terrified at the same time, she knew Leona wasn't fond of kids but she hoped once she told him the news, he would accept it because it was his own cub.

She called him and asked him to meet her at the cafe where they had their first date; she ordered his favorite drink and waited for him to arrive. Once he did, the two of them sat and talked about things going on in their school lives and possible plans for after graduation; once he was relaxed and Yuu had his undivided attention, she told him the reason he called him there.

The moment she told him that she was pregnant, Leona burst into a fit of laughter, thinking that she was joking, but when she told him that she was not joking and she was really expecting his child, Leona's tone changed and the next words that came out of his mouth caused a nail to hit in the center of her heart and it shattered like glass.

"Get rid of it." Leona growled out, making the young woman sitting across from her shiver in her skin; it was instant, no delay or thought given. He wanted Yuu to get rid of their child and she knew he wasn't kidding; she's been with him for a long time, and she knew that look in these green eyes. This seriousness caused tears to form in Yuu's blue eyes.

Yuu tried to keep herself together as she begged Leona to reconsider - this was another life they were talking about, a life their love had created. She understood that he wasn't really interested in children at the moment but they could adapt and watching the child grow and eventually be born could make Leona see just how precious this life was. Leona growled and glared at Yuu before he rose from his chair and hissed out his next words with venom.

"Either you lose it or you lose me."

As Leona left the cafe, a young woman was left crying alone in the booth, with her hands covering her face. The other customers looked at her with pity and concern. The barista decided to offer her a free drink and muffin, while another pregnant woman brought her a cinnamon roll. She sat across from the crying woman and introduced herself as Mira. They had a deep conversation for about two hours until Yuu returned to school. Mira made sure to give her phone number and urged her to call in case of any emergency or uncertainty. Yuu sat on her bed in silence for a while, remembering the words Mira told her in the cafe before she reached over to grab her phone and unlocked it once again before returning to Leona's Message Thread; upon collecting her thoughts and calming her heart, she started texting Leona.

Yuu: You have expressed that you want nothing to do with this child and that is your choice, that is your right as an independent individual. However, I am my own person and I shall make my own choices, and my choice is to keep my baby.

Yuu pressed the send button and waited - a response arrived 3 minutes later and she didn't hesitate to look at it.

Leona: You can't be serious. You're gonna choose a parasite that's not even alive over me?! You're willing to lose me over that thing?! Use your fucking brain, Herbivore; you need me just like I need you! That thing will only get between us! Get rid of it so we can be happy again!

Yuu typed her response.

Yuu: You told me to choose and I chose - I'm keeping my baby. My child will have nothing to do with you or the Kingscholar Name if that's what you are worried about. They shall not know your identity as their father or even as a past lover of mine. I shall give them the best life I can without you in it. All I ask is that you continue to live your life and find someone who will make you happier than I ever did. Goodbye, Leona Kingscholar.

Yuu sent the message before pressing the button on the upper right corner of Leona's Messeng Thread.

You Have Blocked This Contact

Yuu locked her phone once again before looking out the window at the full moon in the cloudless sky as the stars twinkled in a sea of deep darkness. She closed her eyes and prayed to the Great Seven that she and her baby would have a prosperous life, to give her the knowledge & resources to aid her child in whatever they wished, as well as a prayer thanking them for all they have done for her and everything they will do; once her prayer was done, she placed her phone on the charger before sliding into bed and fall asleep.

As Yuu slumbered, green eyes glared at the screen of the phone in his hand as he sat in the darkness of his room and he looked at the system message with hatred and heartbreak in his eyes.

The Person You Are Attempting To Contact Is Actively Blocking You

He snarled and threw the phone across the room causing it to hit the door and shatter into pieces, the male gripped his hair while covering his ears as the voice started coming back; the voices of doubt that once plagued him. He thought he was free from their curse when Yuu would hold him but now she was gone, she was ignoring him, and he was alone once again. He roared in anger and sorrow as he fell upon the blankets of the bed, tears flowed from his eyes until he opened his eyes once again to see the Lion Plushie Yuu gave him for his most recent birthday. He reached out, grabbed the plushie, and looked at the collar around its neck:

Leona & Yuu Forever

Leona hugged the plushie to his chest, balled himself around the plushie, and sobbed himself to sleep; she'll come back to him. She realize that he was right and she will come back to him. Everything was going to be alright and they were going to be happy once again; all he had to do was wait.

[Seven Years After Graduation]

It is said that time can heal wounds and allow scars to fade away, as well as allow us to improve ourselves for a better future; at least, that is what Leona wanted to believe.

After Leona graduated, he tried to speak with Yuu at her graduation ceremony. He wanted to explain that he cared about her and wanted to make things work between them. However, when he arrived, Yuu's best friend told him that he was too late. Yuu had already left with her parents after the ceremony. They promised to take care of her during her pregnancy and to support her until she could find a job and a place to live. Leona never got the chance to meet Yuu's parents or visit her home. It was then that he realized he had lost her forever. His heart was shattered into a million pieces.

Leona returned home and applied to work at his father's company- while he was not next in line to be the CEO, that title and right belonged to his Older Brother - Falena. Falena was rather serious about his job and family when it came to his wife and son, Cheka; Falena loved his family more than anything and he would do anything to protect them. He hated working under his brother, constantly in his shadow, but Leona was still a Kingscholar and he was not going to let his brother's high position outshine him for long; he would work harder than Falena ever could and continue to rise above.

Leona did just that and worked well with the other employees; he would always do his part and help anyone who needed it, he wasn't over-friendly but he was still respectful to those he worked with, including his father and brother in the office.

During those seven years, Leona managed to snare the President Title for himself while his father was CEO and his brother was COO; the pay was grand and the people in the office respected him, that should be everything he wanted but he could feel it - the hollow void in his heart that could only be filled by one piece, a piece he discarded and regretted ever since.

Leona moved back into his room at Kingscholar Estate and that is where he spent most of his time, lying in his bed while holding his lion plushie that was slowly falling apart at the seams; it was the only thing he had that reminded him of her and he refused to let that piece of her fade away.

Leona's Father attempted to introduce him to numerous women from respectful companies and families but he was never interested in any of them; he wanted her and none of them were her. His father would tell him that he was holding on to the delusion of the one he wanted coming back to him when it was Leona's fault she left him in the first place. Leona would snarl at him before leaving the room to leave Falena to reticle his father in kicking Leona at his weakest point; the younger brother no longer cared about being outshined by his older, his worst regret was letting go of the only person who truly understood him.

One day, Leona was out and about dressed in his suit with his satchel across his shoulder and resting on his hip; his father sent him to close a business deal with a potential new client, they were a rather small business, well, small when comparing it to the scale of the company Leona worked for but their name was getting out there and Leona's Father knew it was important to make the necessary connections the business world.

He walked down the sidewalk, eyes green eyes focused forward as his tail swayed from side to side with each step he took; he was so distracted that he wasn't really aware of his surroundings until he came to a stop when a smaller body connected with the side of his legs, causing him to look in the direction of the child and his eyes widened slightly in confusion.

The child's visage reflected his own when he was around that age with the only exception being the young boy's eyes were the deepest blue he had ever seen. He watched as the young lion rose to his feet and looked up at the man before him before bowing his head in respect.

"My apologies, Sir! I wasn't looking where I was going and bumped into you." The boy said before looking up at Leona with a bright smile; this boy radiated a kind aura that he felt like he was familiar with.

"It's alright, kid; I was rather distracted too, and wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings." Leona said causing the boy to gasp.

"That's not good! You have to watch where you are going or you shall get hit by a car, or a bus, or a train, or even stabbed by some stranger who is having a bad day or malicious intent! Then, your family shall miss you and people will be sad!" The boy exclaimed while waving his hands around.

"Where did you come up with that?" Leona asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Mommy would say that when I was too distracted! I'm working hard to be more careful so Mommy won't worry too much about me and she will see that I a a big boy!" the boy smiled while placing his fists on his hips in a superhero-like pose, causing the taller lion to chuckle at him.

"Your Mommy sounds like a wise woman. What about your daddy? Is he just as wise as her?" Leona asked.

"Oh, I don't have a Daddy. Just Mommy and she is the only one I really need, but I also have God-Ma, and Auntie, as well as Grandma and Grandpa, so I'm really happy! I don't need a Daddy!" The boy smiled again as his smaller tail waved around behind him. Leona opened his mouth again when a voice called out through the air; sending a ping through his heart.

"Leonis!" A female voice called out.

He watched as the boy, Leonis, turned around and ran to a woman wearing casual clothing; long black hair, lightly sun-kissed skin, and a golden necklace with a locket pendant laced around her neck. Leona looked at this woman as the young boy hugged her legs as she petted him between his ears.

"Mommy!" Leonis called out while looking up at her with shining blue eyes.

"Leonis, I have told you numerous times not to run off like that. What if you got hurt or if someone tried to take you away?" She asked - her voice light and sweet but stern and concerned to her child.

"I would have scratched their eyes out!" Leonis said as he raised his claws to show them to his mother, "I am the Lion Strength of Our Family and Grandpa taught me how to fight! There's no one stronger than him and I'll be able to protect you too, Mommy!" She chuckled and smiled sweetly at the child.

"I know, My Sweet Cub, but Mommy wants to make sure that you remain safe. Now, it's time to meet Grandpa and Grandma for lunch, are you ready to go?" She asked.

"Yes, Mommy!" Leonis turned to look at Leona who was standing there watching the interaction between mother and son before he started waving at the male, "Sorry for bumping into you, Sir! I hope you have a prosperous day!" This caused the mother to look at Leona.

Time seemed to slow down around the Kingscholar Male as his breath was caught in his throat when sapphire locked with emerald.

"Yuu?" His voice came out in a weak whimper as he looked at the face of the woman who stood before him, who looked at him with wide eyes but said nothing.

He watched as Yuu reached down, took Leonis by the hand, and started walking him to their car in the parking lot;. He watched as Yuu placed the cub in the car seat behind the passenger seat of her car before closing the door and walking to the driver's door, opening it and getting inside before closing it. His keen ears picked up on the sound of the engine roaring to life before the car pulled out of the spot, out of the parking lot, and drove down the street until it disappeared completely from sight.

Leona stood there as the world moved around him, his eyes remained wide as the pieces started falling into place of realization and 6 critical points were made obvious to him.

Leona had finally seen Yuu after their break-up seven years ago.

Yuu was now a mother.

Her son was a Lion Beastman while she was a human.

His name was Leonis.

Leonis couldn't be older than 6 considering his size.

Leonis looked just like him when he was that age, only with Yuu's eyes.

Yuu had given birth to his child, to his son, and had been raising him alone. He was a father. Leona Kingscholar was a father.

However, that's when his eyes widened once again when he remembered what Leonis told him during their conversation and it caused his heart to grow cold once again.

I don't need a Daddy!

Leona stood there for a while before he started walking once again - he had a business meeting to get to and after that...he had to make a very important call.

[END]

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for threatening to get my best friend sectioned?

This actually happened 2 years ago, but last night he made a joke about it that kind of seemed like he might still be mad at me about it. So. Anyway, ages and all are written as they were at the time.

For context, my (18m) mom took guardianship of my friend (17m), called “J”, after his grandfather passed, a few months before this happened.

Not going into specifics, but J has struggled with OCD and an ED for years, and I suspect when he’s an adult he’ll probably get diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder at some point.

(Update from the Present: no dice… yet.)

A close family friend of his passed away and it caused his mental issues (particularly the ED) to get a lot worse really quickly.

Even thought my mom was technically his guardian, she kind of relied on me to keep tabs on him because he’s usually pretty honest with me compared to other people. Like, if he’s not doing well, I have the best chance of finding that out.

So. His family friend dies, he gets worse, I report all of this back to my mom, who starts trying to get some sort of more intensive treatment lined up for him (difficult and time consuming because of where we lived at the time).

My mom tells me not to tell J, because he “talks a big game” about not wanting treatment or whatever and she firmly believes it’ll be easier if he doesn’t have time to stress himself out about it before it happens. Okay. So I don’t tell J.

Somehow, he finds out anyway, and also finds out that I knew and had chosen not to tell him, but doesn’t tell me that he knows. (Convoluted, I know, sorry.)

I pick J up from an after school thing one night, we end up talking about pretty heavy shit in the car for a /long/ time, and after the conversation died, he put a hand on my shoulder, leaned over, and kissed me. And like not a short kiss either. It was like a 3 to 4 second kiss.

Context again, I realized I was gay and that I liked J in a not particularly friend-like way when I was 13. I never told him and never planned on telling him. I told him a lot of things but I intended on growing old and dying with that one kept nice and secret. Even if he was some form of not-straight, which I was 99.99% sure he wasn’t, I didn’t think it was worth jeopardizing my closest friendship with romantic and/or sexual feelings that could at best confuse him or make him uncomfortable or at worst outright disgust him.

Anyway. We don’t talk about it, I end up going to stay for a few days with a guy (20m but not really relevant) I’d been sort of seeing/sleeping with for a couple months because I literally couldn’t be in the same house as J or I would probably implode.

Fast forward a week, I’m picking J up from a hospital 2 towns over because he ran away (? unclear really, haven’t discussed the particulars w him and I wasn’t staying at home at the time) and ended up having to go to the ER.

In the car (best time to talk to someone because they can’t run away), he apologizes for kissing me. I’m thrown off by that, because he hadn’t said anything up to this point and it honestly wasn’t even in the top 5 things I was thinking about.

I asked him why he did it and he just sighed and explained in this tone of voice that, I don’t know how to explain it, but had just the right lack of empathy or affect that I knew he was being 110% honest.

Condensed version: he found out I was reporting everything he told me to my mom (still don’t know how). He was pissed. He was aware he needed more intensive treatment, and he knew my mom was aware. He did not want treatment. He knew I had liked him for years. He knew that I was relatively fragile about it. He knew that if he did something (like kiss me for example) there was a good chance it would break my brain and I would freak out.

He essentially kissed me to decommission me for a few days so he could formulate a plan to run away.

FINALLY we have arrived at the AITA part.

After hearing all this, I tried very hard to come up with something rational to say, but ended up saying (essentially), “You’re fucking insane, and I’m telling my mother you need to be committed.”

I know I wasn’t wrong to be angry. But I also know from past knowledge and experiences that he had a deep fear of being deemed “insane” or unfixable or whatever, and also that he was really afraid of treatment in general.

Idk. I go back and forth on whether or not I was out of line, or needlessly escalating the situation, by threatening him. It was a much bigger threat in his mind than it was in mine, and so even though I know I said it as a reaction to a fucked up situation, there’s still the idea that I blew it completely out of proportion and weaponized his own mental issues against him.

So AITA for threatening my best friend by telling him I was going to get him committed to a long term psychiatric hospital?

What are these acronyms?

[clearlydiamondz]

Nesting

(Y/N) is at the point in her pregnancy where she is now nesting. Erik is confused, but he's going with the flow.

_________________________

Erik sat at his desk, playing with some of his friends streaming the new Call of Duty game. Being a successful streamer with millions of fans, he now had a life where he could live comfortably and still do what he loved, which was playing games.

Being a gamer is actually how he met the love of his life, (Y/N). Meeting on a discord back in high school, the two of them hit it off. There was only one thing that prevented them from being physically together. He lived in Oakland, and she lived in Miami. Her parents thought she was silly to find love over the internet, calling it a weird phase while his friends thought she was made up.

That was until she surprised him at his high school graduation. Saving for months, working as a moderator and at Chick-fil-A, she was able to save enough money to meet him. With the supervision of her parents of course.

Now here they are, 10 years later married and expecting twins. Two boys and she was over the moon about it. If they were over the moon, Erik was over the planet Jupiter. All of the outfits, baby supplies, and decorations were bought on Erik's behalf. Every time he walked into a store, he always walked out with something for the babies.

She could show him something that she thought was cute for their nursery and within days, it was ordered.

He was always clingy with her, and she loved it. Ever since she was pregnant, it was like he was at her side every second of the day. They were lucky enough to be streamers so they could have that time together, but boy he was obsessed.

His camera roll was filled with pictures of her, showing the journey from when she first found out she was pregnant to the development of the baby bump.

"Damn, why are you so bad, move!" he yelled into the headset.

"Nigga fuck you!" Quan yelled back into the mike making everyone bust out laughing.

"Awe you mad." Chelsea teased him. Eventually, they ended up winning, as they sat on the loading screen talking shit with each other.

That's when Erik heard a bang in the room next door, which just so happened to be the twins' nursery.

"Hold on y'all." he stepped away from his gaming set, walking in to see the baby clothes everywhere and his wife in the middle of the room folding them and placing them in the drawers.

"Mama, what are you doing?" he asked her. She turned to look at him with a pout.

"Baby there is so much to do and we only have a week left until they are due and I can't even-" she was crying at this point, Erik realizing that it was probably her hormones.

"Shh, it's okay. You know I'll help you with anything you need. The doctor wants you to not be on your feet as much." Erik was a little confused by the sudden rush to want to do stuff. Just last night she was in the middle of the kitchen reorganizing the kitchen drawers and the cupboards making room for the twins' bottles. She literally took everything apart.

Or how she decided to wash every piece of clothing and blanket for the babies, even though everything was brand new.

What he said made her cry even harder. "I appreciate you so much baby, y-you are just so good to us and-" she cut herself up hiccuping.

"Here about you go sit in the living room, play a movie and I'll order you some of the spicy ramen you like from the restaurant downtown," he told her helping her stand up.

"Ooh yes. You know the spicy foods can induce labor," she said matter-of-factly. He chuckled at the random fact before saying,

"Once I'm done for the stream tonight, I'll organize their room for you. I don't want you putting any unnecessary stress on yourself." he told her, she pouted before saying,

"You'd really do that?" she whispered as her eyes started to water again.

"Yes, now go relax. I'ma place the order now okay?" he kissed her on the forehead, then on the lips, then on her stomach. He watched his wife walk, well more like waddle, out of the room to make herself comfortable downstairs in the living room. He came back to the station, not before ordering him and his wife some ramen.

"Alright y'all, I'm back. (Y/N) needed help with something." he said getting his player ready for the next round.

"How yo ole woman doin? She should be about ready to pop any moment now right?" Damien, one of his other close friends said.

"Yeah, next week will be the due date," Erik said with a smile. The chat was filled with congratulations from his supporters.

"Awe. Look at you all gushy and shit. Can't believe Stevens gonna be a daddy." Quan teased him as he rolled his eyes laughing. He was about to say something but he heard his wife scream out for him.

"E!" she yelled.

"Hold that thought y'all." he got up and ran downstairs to see his wife downstairs with four big boxes.

"Can you move two to the living room and the other two upstairs for me baby? I'ma get their swings set up. " she said sitting there with a smile on her face.

"What are these?" he asked looking at the boxes.

"The swings," she said still smiling.

"So you bought four of them?" he asked her as she sighed.

"No, two of them we got free with the sponsorship. The other two I did buy so we can have a setup and downstairs. Because apparently, the only bad review is that they are really heavy." she said matter-of-factly. "I'm kinda hungry can we order something?" she said rubbing her stomach.

Pregnancy brain.

"Mama, I told you I was ordering some of the ramen." she looked at him confused before realizing.

"Ugh, I forgot. I'm so slow," she said, face palming herself. "I keep forgetting stuff," she said, her eyes watering.

"No no no, it's okay baby. I know you don't mean to, I'll remember everything for you. Even if it's your social security number." he joked making her laugh.

"Please, I remember my social security number. 832-21-" she paused forgetting the last four. "Oh my god, I can't even remember my last four digits." she panicked. Erik cussed himself knowing he just made it worse. "I can't even remember my social security number. How am I expected to take care of two babies!"

"It's 9382. Don't worry my love. You will be okay, I promise." he grabbed her by the face, kissing her lips as she sighed. "I want you to relax, I'll take care of everything. I promise." he whispered. She nodded before waddling into the living room. After taking two of the boxes upstairs, he came back.

"Sorry, (Y/N) needed me again." he sighed. "For a pregnant lady, this girl is a freaking busybody. She is supposed to be on bed rest." he stated.

"Where is she going?" Chelsea asked.

"It's not where she's going. It's what she's doing. She can't sit down for the sake of her. I woke up last night to her re-organizing the twin's closet. For the third time. It was like two in the morning." he stated.

"That's wild." Damien chuckled.

"Huh," Chelsea said, coming to the realization of something. "What else?"

"She reorganized the cabinets in the kitchen, washed all of the baby stuff even though it's new, and been on a cleaning frenzy for like three days straight," he said.

"You sure she ain't got OCD?" Quan chuckled.

"She doesn't. Actually she's pretty messy but for the last week, it's like she needs everything to be cleaned." Erik replied.

"Erik, it sounds like she's nesting." Chelsea chuckled.

"The hell is that? She ain't no pigeon." Quan replied, making Erik chuckle.

"No you fucking dumbass." Chelsea rolled her eyes. "It's a natural instinct for mothers to want to get their home ready for the baby. It happens with humans and animals. That's why it is called nesting."

"I ain't gonna lie, that's kinda adorable," Damien stated.

Erik's interest peaked, he minimized the game window and opened Google to look at it. "Alright chat, let's learn some new shit," he said clicking the first link.

"So it says that they have an overwhelming desire to organize, clean, and prep for the baby's arrival. That makes a lot of sense." he chuckled.

"Yeah, it's a natural instinct. It's like an itch, she won't be able to stop until the twins are here." Chelsea told him. "It makes sense because she's due next week. When my sister was nesting, my mama told me that it was a sign that babies were about to come. So she might be going into labor within a couple of days. Just gotta roll with it man" Chelsea chuckled.

After the stream was done, he found himself downstairs, seeing her prepping the swings before looking at him.

"Oh, I was just getting the stuff prepared for you. I know-"

"It's okay. I know you can't help but get your hands dirty." he chuckled kissing her on the cheek. She looked at him confused.

"What's with the change of heart?" she asked in confusion.

"You're nesting." he expected her to know what it was, but the look still stayed on her face.

"I'm not a freaking bald eagle, the hell is nesting?" she asked as he chuckled.

"You have this urge to clean up, organize, do a bunch of stuff hands-on. It's called nesting. A sign that Thing 1 and Thing 2 are coming." he said rubbing her stomach. She thought about it.

"Makes sense. I have had this urge to reorganize the pantry also.."

________________

@life-in-the-slut-house @gloglamsparks @niahsa @hippieonboard @nanii2x @ejs398 @royaler1999 @luvvvjada @sourbabynaee @tthatkidmimi @kanilive @christinabae @nccu-rnc @youcanttouchthis1001 @jordyn-wkndafvr @ts1mp0ne @meeeeep5 @ravynnn-12 @metra873 @determinednot2fall @trippyscotch @thiswasnevermylifefromtony @itsophiebby @princessmel-1995 @blkmystery @xsweetdellzx @ziirowe @cozyashhh @luvvvjada @reneinii @ts1mp0ne @kaireads2020 @blmcd57110 @ziayamikaelson @babbtdollaaassignn @forevermoremagcon @ajenae @etherealluvrr @lynaye1993 @mscarter213 @automaticdragonmugalien @bethy-baby @softleosworld @meekmillsfrenchfries @hinatasfleshlight @kokokonakon @sociallyawkward18 @raysunshine78 @justgetitoverwith0 @lishabaybeee-blog @rbhp @ladymac @musicisme333

[poppadom0912]

Would it be possible to please request a Halstead!Sibling piece where the reader is the sibling, and during the late hours of the night, they get a really heavy nosebleed, so they come out of their bedroom to Jay and Will in the living room watching some TV with a few beers, and all hell breaks loose when they see reader is covered in blood and can't get the nosebleed to stop? Thank you!

A/N: I feel like I haven't written in years so I apologise in advance if this is rubbish. I also apologise for not writing this earlier, this was requested quite a while ago.

I am also aware I have posted in nearly three months but life is very stressful. I promise I'll try posting more once all my exams are over which is technically mid June. I'll try to get out all my finished drafts so you guys aren't starving.

Warnings: Blood, fainting/nausea, mentions of hospitals.

*****

For once in a long time, things were good.

Jay was mentally handling things and was starting a relationship with his detective partner whose name you kept forgetting but you remembered how pretty she was. Will wasn't making Ms Goodwin's life miserable and he was accepting that he was moving on from Natalie. And with you, school was better than ever with your grades and no longer letting anxiety stop your life.

Overall, things were the best they've been since your dad died and you couldn't be happier.

Neither of your brothers were at work and upon your incessant pleas, the three of you found yourself settling on the same sofa watching a movie.

At some point, you had to excuse yourself when your best friend messaged you in a rush about homework that you completely forgot existed.

Ignoring the darkness of the night and the comfy pajamas you wore, you completed the homework to the best of your abilities and shared it with her when she expressed her struggle.

Eventually, you lost track of time and found yourself tucked under your duvet reading the intense story on your kindle; homework safely in a folder in your bag for the next day.

Totally immersed in the heating up plot, you were oblivious to the very clear signs that you would usually catch onto had you been much more alert.

You only ever realised what was happening when several single droplets of blood plopped onto kindle screen, obscuring you from reading any further.

Confused, you let go of the kindle, letting it sit on your covered lap, your hands went up to your face, trying to find the source of blood but deep down you kinda already knew.

Removing your fingers from your nose, you glanced down and sighed in defeat, shoulders slumping at the sight of blood coating your fingers.

Rolling your eyes in annoyance, you kicked off your sheets and scanned your bedside table for the tissue box you always kept because of you hayfever and nosebleeds like this. But, it wasn't there and that threw you off because it was literally there the other day.

Huffing, your mind drew a blank at what to do as blood continued to fall steadily but it seemed that as the seconds ticked away, the stream only increased in speed.

In hopes of not ruining the rug under your feet, you held up your shirt to your nose, using it just like how you would tissue in this case.

Then, all of a sudden, your nose felt ticklish and the urge to sneeze became all too strong that you couldn't even say pineapple to prevent yourself from sneezing.

With no control, your grip on your shirt fell and you sneezed thrice. The pain in your nose throbbing and stinging, your eyes pricking with tears from the onslaught of everything happening all of once.

You were far too gone now. Dragging your eyes to your alarm clock, it took you more than a few seconds to read the time and work out whether or not Jay let yet but then you remembered Jay wouldn't have left without bidding you goodbye.

Well, even if he had gone which he should've seeing as it was nearly 1am, Will would've been the most useful in this situation.

Opening your door with your elbow so you wouldn't get blood on the handle, you walked towards the living room even if you were in a daze. You knew the layout of the apartment by the back of your hand.

Your feet pattered against the wooden flooring, alerting the other two inhabitants of the apartment that you were entering. Taking into account the late time, Will turned around ready to question why you were up at such a time on a school night when he froze upon laying eyes on you.

"Y/N? What happened?" Will asked straight away, getting onto his feet and coming up to you, lifting your chin in his hand so he could get a good look at your face.

Jay turned around to see why Will was asking you such a question when his eyes widened in alarm at your figure, pajamas practically drenched in blood and blood smearing your nose and upper lip.

"What the hell!" Jay shot up. "Why are you covered in blood?!"

"I'm having a nosebleed." You said plainly, boredly gesturing to your very bloody nose that Will was inspecting. "Duh."

"Jay, can you go grab my bag?" Will asked the middle Halstead sibling, not once taking his eyes off you.

Without any rebuttal, Jay did as the doctor said but not without mumbling under his breath about how using manners would get people so far in life.

"I have no idea. One second I'm reading and the next I'm bleeding everywhere." You shrugged, answering Will's question. "And then I sneezed three times."

Will hummed, your chin grasped lightly in one hand while the other was held out to Jay. Will asked Jay for certain things which he was given without a second thought.

"You most likely burst a vessel when you sneezed which made it much worse." Will said so nonchalantly, not at all bothered by the blood that was staining the gloves he put on with way too much ease.

"Alright, just hold that there for a few minutes." Your oldest brother told you, letting you take over from where he was holding the gauze. "Let's sit you down but don't get blood anywhere, I cleaned yesterday."

You looked at him dumbfounded but followed him to sit down anyways, Jay scoffing in disbelief at his words.

"Wow, you love me so much." You said sarcastically, a tight lipped smile on your chapping lips as you went back and forth with snarky remarks.

"This is a lot of blood though Y/N." Will addressed seriously, looking at just how much blood was covering your pajamas. "How long have you been bleeding for?"

"Like literally two or three minutes." You gave a very rough estimation, grimacing as you actually looked at the damage on your clothes, groaning in disbelief. "Ugh, these are my favourite pjs."

"Don't worry about that." Jay said, watching you closely from behind Will's shoulder so he wasn't in the way. "You dirtied your sheets or anything?"

You hummed in thought, squinting as you tried to remember. "I got blood on my kindle but I don't know about my bed."

"I'll go check." Jay allocated himself the job, finding himself useless as Will wasn't going to remove himself from your side.

"Okay, let me take a look." Will said under his breath as he carefully took the bloodied gauze away from you so he could replace it with a new one.

It was only a few seconds period of having nothing for the blood but it seemed that it wasn't dripping as it was. Alas, the uncomfortable urge to sneeze overcame you and you found yourself overwhelmed with the need to sneeze.

Without even registering what was happening, you sneezed twice, covering your mouth with your inner elbow instinctively.

You groaned, dragging it out at the sight of blood on the sleeve of your cotton shirt. Yep, there was definitely no chance of salvaging it now.

"Ooo, okay." Will winced, being as gentle but using as much force necessary when pinching your nose. "Either you're getting the flu or your hay fevers suddenly acting up in the winter."

Your shoulders slumped against the back of the chair, tired with your bleeding nose that wouldn't stop. At this rate, you'd be up all night because of your stupid nose.

"Woah!" Jay exclaimed, freezing in his steps as he entered the kitchen, eyeing the new mess that he luckily missed out on seeing. "What'd I miss?"

"I'm going to die."

"She's not going to die."

"Jay, Will's lying." You whined like a baby, dropping your head in exaggeration. "I'm going to bleed out and not live to see either of you get married. What a miserable life."

Both your brothers rolled their eyes at your dramatic self. Sharing a knowing look, having a silent conversation with just their eyes you groaned again.

"I want black flowers at my wedding and I want Trudy to do my eulogy because at least she'll miss me." You said, starting your funeral arrangements very seriously despite what your brothers were thinking.

"Perfect, I'll go on holiday then."

"You're not going to die Y/N."

You sighed dramatically, your voice was nasally, as if you had a severe blocked nose when in reality, it was just a really bad nose bleed that you were trying to stop. "This sucks."

"Yes it does but as long as you don't sneeze or blow your nose, you'll be fine." Will said, tossing the bloodied gauze and replacing it with another, letting go when you held it on your own.

"This is going to be a long night."