#and this has stayed in drafts because I just couldn’t figure out how to hold it all in my hands

[seventeenytiny]

1:00am (Reposted Again)

I am so sorry for reposting again this but Tumblr is mad at me and I don’t think my post was showing up in tags so I am trying one last time :(

Smut: Minors DNI

Felix tries to help you relax after the two of you sneak out to the hot tub late at night

Contains: Smut, Minor DNI, Oral (female receiving), public sex

Word Count: 1769

Author’s Note: I’ve had this in my drafts for way too long because I was never happy with how it turned out. After much editing, I’m still not in love with it but screw it I gotta post it. Just use this as a guide and make it sound better in your head lol.

“Meet me by the hot tub at 1am,” Felix whispered as he passed by, his hand grazing your hip. His deep voice sends chills down your spine, anticipation of what the night holds has you buzzing.

When you agreed to rent a vacation cabin out in the woods with a group of friends, you didn’t realize it would lead to you and Felix hooking up. You wait patiently for night to fall and for friends to all go to their rooms. You change into your bikini, wrapping yourself in a cover-up to help keep you warm from the chilly night air. Once you see all the lights out and the sound of soft snores fill the cabin, you cautiously creep out, careful to not alert anyone of your whereabouts. The path to the hot tub is dark, but your eagerness helps you push forward. Letting the moonlight guide you, you see a shadowy figure standing near the tub, the figure’s long hair clearly indicating it’s Felix. As you approach, he runs his fingers through his locks, a smile that could light up the night appears on his face.

“I’m glad you decided to come,” He says, embracing you.

“Of course, I’d come for you.” You smile shyly at him.

“Well let’s not waste any time and get in.” He takes off his shirt, exposing his abs and leaving him in just his swim trunks. You freeze upon seeing his upper half, his thin yet toned body is more beautiful than you could have imagined.

“No need to be shy around me Y/N. Here, let me help you,” He reaches towards you to help remove your cover-up, his eyes scanning your body as the cloth falls to the ground. The crisp air causes goose bumps to cover your skin, consequently, your nipples noticeably harden. Felix licks his lips, clearly enjoying the view in front of him.

“So beautiful...” he mumbles to himself.

“What was that Lixie?”

Lixie? That was the first time he heard you call him that, the new nickname makes his heart flutter.

“Ah nothing... Let’s get you warmed up Y/N.” He takes your hand and leads you into the tub, watching you carefully to make sure you don’t slip. You sigh in relief as the warm water covers your chilled body. Felix follows in behind you, you take note of the slight bulge in his swim trunks. Once he’s seated he reaches over to you to pull you into his lap

“Come here baby girl, I’ll make sure you stay nice and warm.”

“You're too kind Felix,” you joke as you make yourself comfortable in his arms, trying to hide the blush on your face. Baby girl was a name you could get used to, especially if it was Felix calling you that.

You lean your head back against his shoulder, his arms wrapped around your torso, lightly grazing your underboob.

You both stay in that position for a bit, casually chatting about random topics and life in general. As the conversation continues you feel one of Felix’s hands slowly creep towards your core. You carry on with what you were saying, acting as if nothing is happening. You couldn’t reveal just how desperate you are for his touch just yet.

You readjust yourself on his lap, opening your legs slightly more for him, your ass feeling his very noticeable erection.

“How’s work been going for you baby girl? I know it was bothering you quite a bit last month.”

“Oh it still sucks, I feel like I can’t relax because I know how much I’ll have to do when I get back from this trip.”

“Is your boss still being a cunt?”

“The cuntiest.” You reply with an exasperated sign.

“That’s no good, why don’t I help you try to relax?” His hand moves to rest right on top of your crotch. Your body heats up with excitement, and you turn your head to bury it in the crook of his neck, placing a small kiss there.

“If you can actually take my mind off work, I will owe you forever.”

“Hmm... Do I have your consent?”

You look at his face with glassy eyes, “Yes, I trust you, Felix.”

He smirks, “Here’s what I want you to do, I want to sit up on the ledge right here.”

Curious of what he has in mind, you oblige, your brain too foggy with lust to overthink it. He helps lift you up to the edge, making sure you’re comfortable. The steam rising from the tub helps keep you warm.

He stands back and gently spreads your legs apart, the fabric of your bikini clinging to your folds, perfectly outlining your pussy.

“Wow,” he mumbles, his eyes now dark with want. He lowers his face to be eye level with your pussy, you can feel his warm breath on it.

“Y/N, are you ready to relax?”

“Felix, if you’re going to eat me out, I have to be honest, no guy has ever made me cum from oral.”

He chuckles “As cheesy as it sounds, I promise I’m not like the other guys, give me a chance please.”

“Please prove me wrong.”

And with those words, he starts to go to work. He starts by placing kisses on your clothed slit, the warmth from his mouth lingers every time he pulls away. You lean back on the ledge, eyes closed as you focus on all the sensations. He pulls your bikini bottoms to the side, giving you a long lick against your folds. He places more kisses on you, teasing you with slow delicate motions.

You’re quick to be desperate for more, you put your hands in his hair and pull him closer to your core.

“So needy already...” He tsks. “Why don’t you take your bottoms off for me so I can properly touch you.”

You nearly jump out of your bottoms, not wanting to waste any time with his mouth not on your pussy.

He readjusts himself, placing kisses on your inner thigh before stopping right at your entrance, “Is this what you want? Do you want me to kiss right here?”

“Please Felix,” you beg, pulling his head towards you.

“Whatever you want baby girl.”

He kisses your slit before attaching his mouth to your clit and gently sucking on it. You throw your head back in pleasure, his mouth finally reliving the pressure that’s been building up down there.

He continues to suck on your sensitive bundle of nerves, slowly getting more aggressive with his technique. He then slides a finger into your pussy, your warm walls immediately sucking him in. You’re so slick with arousal that his finger slides in and out with ease, you can hear the wet sound of your pussy over his slurping.

“Oh so good Lixie, don’t ever stop...” you moan out. He adds a second finger into you, scissoring his fingers to stretch you out. He has everything down to a perfect science, the timing of his fingers with the timing of his tongue over your clit is impeccable.

He starts to slow down his thrusts with his fingers, you groan as he pulls them out of you, disliking the empty feeling. He removes his mouth from you so he can lick his fingers clean.

“You taste so fucking amazing Y/N, I need more.”

He drives right back in, eating you out like his life depends on it.

Your hands pull his hair and your thighs tighten around his head. The amount of pleasure he receives from your thighs nearly suffocating him is unimaginable. You use the grip you have in his hair to pull his face even closer to your body, his nose pressing up against your clit. You grind against his face as he licks and sucks on you. He lets out deep moans as you practically ride his face, sending vibrations straight to your core.

“Lixie... I think I might actually cum,” you pant out, sweat covering your brow.

He only responds by moaning back into your pussy, his hands gripping your thighs hard.

You can feel it, that precious build-up within your lower half, you can feel your high almost there. You’re so damn close.

He puts his two fingers back in, the feeling of fullness is what brings you to your high. You twist and pull at his locks as your eyes squeeze tight. Your whole body shakes with pleasure and your thighs wrap even harder around his head. You feel like your breath is being squeezed from your lungs as you moan out, welcoming the best orgasm of your whole life. Felix never stops for a second, determined to help you ride out your orgasm for as long as possible. Your arousal runs down his face, coating his chin, he struggles to keep up with all the juices flowing out of you.

Once he feels the grip on his hair loosen and your thighs relax he starts to let up.

“Felix... I’m too sensitive...”

“Just 30 more seconds, you taste too good for me to let anything go to waste.”

He cleans you up with his tongue, and his hands rub your thighs as they shake from the sensitivity. He pulls away finally and you can see his face once again. His lips are puffy and covered with your wetness. You pull him out of the water to kiss his lips, enjoying the lingering taste of your pussy.

“I’m sorry I doubted you Felix, that was honestly the best orgasm I’ve ever had.”

His smile takes up half his face hearing that, “Come on Y/N I think you’re exaggerating.” He wipes his face with the back of his hand before carefully helping you put your bikini bottoms back on. He grabs your waist and pulls you back down into the water with him. The warmth of the water along with your orgasm has you feeling weightless, Felix holds you up against his chest as you let your feet float up.

“How are you feeling Y/N?”

“There’s not a thing I could care about right now.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear.”

“Oh but what about you, you didn’t cum.” You start to reach towards the waistband of his shorts but he stops you.

“Don’t worry about me, tonight is about you. Anyways, you said if I made you relax you would owe me forever. So... did I make you relax?”

You place a playful kiss on his cheek, “How about you meet me back here tomorrow at the same time and I’ll make it up to you.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

[everyonewooeverywhere]

MDNI 18+ BLOG -> ageless blogs and minors WILL BE BLOCKED

pairing ✭ bf!vernon x f!reader

synopsis ✭ when you come home from a less-than-perfect day, your boyfriend is nowhere to be found, but you don't want to call him and ask him to come home while he's out with friends. even though he'd drop everything if he knew you were struggling.

content/genre ✭ smut 18+ MDNI, established relationship, non-idol!au, hurt to comfort, relatively fluffy

word count ✭ 2.5k

notes ✭ hey hi! this is just a reworking of "minor nuisance." when i originally wrote it i was between writing it for jongho or hansol, so i figured i'd rework it for hansol ☺️

i said this in the original, but i'll say it here too. the mc in this is heavily based on my experiences with adhd. so this is a little personal but it was very therapeutic to write at the time.

✭ ✭ ✭

It was a terrible day. One of the worst you’d had in a while. Nothing seemed to be going your way. You’d ripped your favorite pair of tights this morning when getting ready in a hurry after waking up super late. You’d locked yourself out of the apartment. The seven dollar coffee you’d bought for yourself to cope with aforementioned events had spilt all over your desk, ruining the book you had just received as a gift from a coworker. And, to top it all off, your boss had demanded you to stay late to finish what was supposed to be his job.

So when you finally made it back to your apartment, after waiting in the lobby forever waiting for your landlord to let you in, you wanted nothing more than to collapse on the couch with your boyfriend and fall asleep in his arms. 

You were plagued with fatigue as you slipped out of your work shoes and made your way through the kitchen and into the living room, not finding him anywhere. The bedroom the two of you shared was also completely vacant. Nothing had changed since you’d left this morning. He hadn’t been home all day.

Maybe he’s just working late, you thought, slightly defeated knowing you’d have to wait for him, not knowing how long it would take. 

Trying to take your mind off of it, you scrolled on your phone for a completely indiscernible amount of time, feeling completely defeated with the day you’d had. Moving in with Hansol months ago has been an incredibly helpful step for you. Before the two of you had lived together, you were a master of procrastinating your own feelings. Constantly letting yourself rot away in your bed and letting the day pass you by. Only to be plagued by that crushing guilt that came with letting a day go by unproductively. Living with Hansol had given you someone to hold you accountable. To pull you out of bed because sometimes it was impossible to do it on your own.

But on nights like these, where your boyfriend was nowhere to be found, which was not a common occurrence, you felt yourself slipping back into the endless cycle of losing yourself in your phone for countless hours. 

Hours passed and the sun was almost completely down before you received a text from your boyfriend.

| hannie 💗: hey love, sorry i had to stay late for work today. i’m gonna go get some drinks with my coworkers.

| hannie 💗: that ok?

God, you felt so helpless. How horrible and controlling of a partner would you be to tell him ‘no?’ Did he ask? Yes, but you desperately didn’t want to be the girl who always needed to be by her boyfriend’s side. Telling him he couldn’t go out with his friends would make you feel like such a nuisance. You stared at the screen for a good two minutes, biting your thumb, trying to think of how to respond.

| hannie 💗: y/n? 

| hannie 💗: i can see you read the message. is everything alright?

Before you could even draft a response, his name flashed across the screen. Taking a deep breath, you slid your thumb across the screen, answering the call.

“Hi,” you picked up.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” You could hear some of his coworkers in the background. He must already be at the bar. 

You held in a sigh, “Nothing, I’m alright. Why?”

“Y/n, you read and didn’t respond to my message. Like you were overthinking a response."

You didn’t say anything. Overthinking yet another response.

“Love, I don’t even want to be here that badly. If you need me to come home, I will. But you’ve gotta tell me.” He was being so patient with you. So much more patient than you thought you deserved, though he would certainly disagree with that.

You took a deep breath, nearing tears, “I–” this was so incredibly hard, “Can you please come home? I didn’t really have a great day.”

“Of course, I’ll be there in about thirty minutes. Do you want me to stay on the phone?”

“No, it’s alright. I just need to see you.”

“Ok, just hang in there alright. Why don’t you hop in the shower, and we can watch a movie when I get back. I’ll pick up some takeout on my way, too.”

When you hang up, you force yourself to get out of bed and get in the shower. It’s so rewarding and feels so relaxing that you can’t imagine why you ever couldn’t get out of the bed in the first place. But, of course, you say that every time. 

✭✭✭✭

By the time you had gotten out of the shower and dried your hair, Hansol had made it home with the takeout he’d promised in hand. 

When you left your bedroom, you saw him sitting on the floor in your living room. He’d lit a candle on the coffee table and set the food down with it. You could tell he’d changed out of his work clothes into a hoodie and basketball shorts, mirroring your almost identical outfit. He didn’t notice you at first. He was chatting to someone on the phone, seemingly a friendly conversation, and not one you wanted to interrupt. When he saw you, though, you heard him say goodbye to whoever was on the line. 

Throwing his phone down on the couch, he got up from the floor and met you at the door of your bedroom. Pulling you into a big hug, he placed a kiss on the top of your head. 

“No pressure, but, if you wanna talk about your day, we can.”

You shook your head, “Not really. I just wanna eat, I think.”

The two of you ate, sitting in comfortable silence on the floor in your living room. You noticed as you took in the scene around you, that Hansol had turned off all the overhead lights in the room. Leaving only the candlelight and the string lights around the ceiling to illuminate the room. There was something about warm lighting that made everything feel so much more cozy and comfortable. 

Your boyfriend wasn’t the most physically affectionate individual, but he never failed to make you feel loved. He always noticed the small things. He was hyper aware of your emotions in the least patronizing way possible. It was little moments like bringing home food for you and turning the cool-toned overhead lights off that reminded you that this man knew you better than anyone.

And that wasn’t something that happened overnight. He tried harder than anyone you’d ever met to know you. Your likes, dislikes, discomforts, phobias, and even your little habits. He knew it all. What he knew most is that you desired so bad to have someone to pull you out of your slump. Which is why he had come home early.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t stay out with your friends,” you whispered, staying focused on the food in front of you.

“I didn’t come home because I felt any obligation to. It’s not that I couldn’t stay out with my friends. It’s that you needed me here at home, and I wanted to come home and comfort you.” He ran a hand over your hair as he finished up his own food. 

That was another thing you loved about him. He wasn’t saying this because he wanted to make you feel better. He wanted you to know that you were not alone. That you were free to feel your feelings, and he’d always be right beside you to comfort you through them.

“Thank you,” you looked up at him, “I love you, you know that, right?”

“How could I ever forget? I love you, too.”

✭✭✭✭

After the food was gone and the coffee table was cleared, Hansol had put on a movie laid down on the couch, holding out his arms for you. When you finally sat between his legs and leaned into his chest, he pulled a quilted blanket over the two of you, wrapping his arms around you.

You paid very little mind to the movie playing on the TV. Instead you were focused on the rhythm of his breathing, the steady beating of his heart, and the minor movements his chest would make when he let out a soft laugh whatever he was watching.

He played with your hair, running his fingers through the strands, softly brushing his fingers over your neck with each pass. This position couldn’t have been more comfortable. Being with the man you loved as he comforted you in the way he knew best with absolutely no complaint was more than you could’ve ever dreamed of.

Hansol would claim that it was the bare minimum, but you always felt the need to let him know how much he really amazed you. 

When you reached your hand up to his cheek to brush your thumb over the skin, he looked down at you, completely forgetting about the movie playing. He grabbed your hand from his cheek and kissed your fingers, your palm, the back of your hand, the inside of your wrist.

Pulling yourself up to his face, you kissed him as softly as he’d done to your hand. Everything was so soft. From the way he kissed you to the way he caressed the skin under your hoodie right above the waistband of your shorts. From the hand you had in his hair to the way he lifted you to sit more comfortably in his lap.

He kissed your neck just as softly. You sighed contently. Fully basking in the way he took care of you. His movie was fully disregarded at this point as he gripped the bottom of your shirt.

Looking into your eyes he asked, “can I take care of you, love?” You nodded, helping him lift the sweatshirt over your head. 

Before you could even comprehend the nakedness of your chest, he lifted you into his arms and carried you to your shared bed. Laying you on your back. Your bare skin taking immense comfort in the softness of your sheet. He pulled his shirt over his head and threw his pants off to the side.

He immediately went back to kissing you. Hands moving from your cheeks, down your neck. His thumbs caressed your collarbone as his lips brushed the crook of your neck and then your shoulder. You shuddered when one of his hands took your breast. His lips met the other one, causing you to let out a breathy moan and weave your fingers through his dark hair.

He continued to kiss and touch every inch of your torso. When he got to your waistband, he left a small kiss under your belly button. His big brown eyes meeting your own as he pulled your shorts and underwear off together. Tossing them to the side of the bed. 

Lifting one of your legs onto his shoulder, he kissed your inner thigh, still meeting your eyes. The eye contact wasn’t broken until his thumb met your clit. Brushing over it slightly, making you toss your head back into the pillows under you. His mouth replaced his thumb, slowly teasing you. 

With his free hand, he took your own hand, the one that wasn’t gripping his hair, and threaded his fingers through yours. Thumb brushing over the back of your hand.

He felt so good. His tongue working so hard to make you feel pleasure. Everything was so gentle, but felt so euphoric. His fingers pumping in and out of you as he sucked on your clit. You felt like you could’ve floated away with the way he caressed your hand and your thigh. It wasn’t long before you were washed with a wave of pleasure. Everything was hot. You felt it rush through you from your ears down to your cunt. He kissed your thigh one more time after you came, fingers pushing you through the finale of your orgasm. 

Your breathing was ragged when he made it back up to your face, kissing you tenderly. Reaching a hand beneath the pillow under your head. He pulled out a condom. Before he could open it, you plucked it out of his hands, tearing it open as he stripped himself of his own underwear before you rolled the rubber onto his length. He groaned at the touch.

“You ready?” He asked, grabbing your arm and kissing your wrist.

You nodded, smiling, “yes. please, baby.”

When he pushed into you, you gasped and threw your head back again. He kissed your neck and shoulder, slowly thrusting into you. On most occasions, you’d beg him to go faster, but his subdued nature in this moment was so incredibly comforting. His thumb massaged your clit.

He kissed you deeply as he thrust into you. Completely overtaking your lips with his own. His kisses were so full of passion that your head spun. His adoration for you was so evident from the way he looked into your eyes when he stopped kissing you. Your foreheads pressed together, separated only by a thin layer of sweat. 

“I love you so much, y/n,” he says, just above a whisper. So close that you can feel his breath tickle your lips when he says it.

You moan softly, feeling yourself reach a second high, “I love you, too.”

It’s only a matter of minutes before you reach your orgasm. You grip his shoulders tight as he coaxes you through your climax. Walls fluttering around him as he finishes inside the condom. 

He kisses your lips once more before pulling out. He pushes himself off the bed to throw it away. When he comes back, he slides back into bed with you. Breath still slightly ragged. 

You laid on his chest, listening to his heart beat once more.

Running a hand over his stomach, you said, “Thanks for coming home early today.”

“Of course, love. You know I’d drop anything to come home to you if you were struggling.”

“I just feel like such a nuisance asking for you to come home,” you groaned.

He ran a hand over your hair, “I will never ever see you asking for help as a nuisance. Sometimes you just need a little push. Or sometimes you just need to lay in someone’s arms. I will always be there to do that for you. No matter the circumstance, ok?”

You wanted to protest, tell him he was too much, too good to you, but he kept going, “I trust you. I know that when you ask me to come home, it’s not because you're insecure or controlling. It’s because you need help, and I want you to always feel comfortable asking for it.”

He’d left you just a little bit speechless. All you could respond with was a gentle kiss on his lips.

For him, though, that was more than enough.

[pigeonp0st]

Lena Luthor x Reader #3

Summary: Lena breaks up with Reader to keep her safe from Lex. Reader hatches a plan to get rid of him that goes terribly wrong, and naturally, torture follows. This mostly takes place after she’s found again.

Warnings:

Angst,torture, depression, trauma, childhood trauma

Notes:

Hey! I’m going about writing differently now. Everything I write from here on out will most likely be straight from the tumblr drafts and fairly quick. Something I decide to do in a random sitting (unless it’s paid for). Fair warning that this isn’t that, this is just something I worked on ages ago and didn’t publish. I did NO SPELLING CHECKS and remember writing at 2am, so warning number 2

———————

Lena loathed the DEO in that moment. She loathed Alex, and she loathed Supergirl , and she loathed every damn agent in the building so that she didn’t have to loathe herself instead. It’s not enough, there was still a small part of her that she couldn’t ignore, a part of her that screamed; ‘you should have held on. You should have been there’

She knows she should have been there. She knows she failed you before anyone else did. She knows. But she’s trying now and she doesn’t know how to get it to matter to the world. Trying won’t save you, and trying hasn’t led you back to her.

Trying has only led you there, far from Lena, laying somewhere unknown with a body and a heart too worn. Though, Lena imagines, that’s probably not a new feeling for you. She trembles with the image of Lex mocking her on video, holding a gun to your head, she trembles and thinks, I’ll kill him. I’ll kill him.

Then, miraculously;

“Found her!” Winn shouts loudly, raising his Supergirl action figure in victory, and Lena, CEO, multibillionaire, crumbles in relief in front of dozens of agents in the middle of the DEO.

—-

When you wake up Lena feels her heart stop.

She wanted to kiss you, hold you. She wanted to be the type of person that stayed. She wanted to be the type of person worth staying for.

She wanted to believe the both of you would be okay, and she wanted to hold your face and tell you that. That you’d be okay. She wanted more than anything in that moment to be the type of person that said the right thing. That did the right thing.

She wasn’t. She wasn’t any of the people she wanted to be. Your eyes met hers, full of sorrow, and human and hurt, and she wasn’t. She wasn’t because she was scared, and because she was human also. She wasn’t—so she leaves.

Now, as she’s gripping herself in the hallways of the DEO, struggling against the weight of what feels like worlds on her shoudlers, choking on breaths that should have been being shared with you, she’s filled with so much self contempt it could fuel the whole government. Whoever said that “It’s better to have loved and loss, than to have never loved at all”, has never met the two of you and has never loved this desperately.

Loving you made her feel just as much as losing you had, and is it worth it? Maybe, but It’s certainly not better to be feeling this than not ever feeling it. Can’t those things coexist? Can’t it be better for her to never love, but can’t loving also be a choice she’d make despite all the pain?

Can’t you love the things that will destroy us in the end? Doesn’t she always?

She should go back in. She should go back in and ask for forgiveness, but the fear of ruining things further, of the both of you hurting each other further, prevents her from trying to fix things.

When she broke up with you she had just wanted to protect you from Lex. Losing you like that would have nothing compared to—

Lena shivers, shakes her head, and clutches onto herself more tightly with trembling fingers.

“You’re hyperventilating,” Alex says from where she’s leaning against the wall beside Lena. Her eyes are watchful, careful, but Lena feels them like daggers.

She straightens, forces out a; “wow, you really are an amazing analyzer, detective,” and nearly gets a smirk for her troubles—but Alex is too soft, too caring to give her that. She moves towards her, ever the big sister, but Supergirl rushes in first.

“Lena,” Supergirl—Kara, Kara, Lena thinks, and often starts to forget, except when Kara looks at her like this—breathes out.

Lena steps back from them both, the humanity in the room tears her apart, reminds her of her lack of, and destroys her. “You have to…to warn people when you do that…super speed thing,” Lena grits out, cutting Kara off before she can even begin to try and be…be good. She gestures towards the room with shaky hands and begins to try and compose herself lHow long was she awake while I was asleep?”

Kara and Alex look at each other. Say nothing. “Guys—”

“She woke up two hours ago,” Alex says, at the same time Kara says; “you were wiped out—didn’t even hear the nurses, of course we couldn’t just wake you up”

Two hours, and she was asleep. Lena goes cold instantly. She remembers hearing Lex had you, remembers it like one remembers the worst moment of their life; both intimately and not at all. She remembers hearing Supergirl had you—that you were breathing , but people only say that when someone is very not okay, and Lena remembers the way adrenaline had rushed through her. She had felt both alive and utterly useless through it, and it sticks to her even now.

Alive, but asleep, never the person she needs to be to protect you. How alone have you felt because of her? How scared?

“Lena,” Kara starts again, “Lena, she wanted you to sleep— ”

“Go in there,” Alex cuts her off, gets a very annoyed look for it, because they both can’t seem to help cutting each other off today. “You want to show her she’s not alone, that she’s safe? I promise you that the only way she’ll feel that is with you there.”

Kara nods, suddenly straightening and transforming into Supergirl just like that, just in the stance. “Hero complexes will serve nothing except separation and loneliness. You taught me that. Stronger together, Lena.”

Wanting to save you had left you alone, and yes, alone to Lena meant away from Lex, but he’s not the only scary thing in this world, and she should have known that he’d never forget how to destroy her. To leave you alone, Lena thinks, was the worst thing she could have done.

While you were away Lena had to confront herself. Had to realize that so far, every good thing in her life has come with a cost, has led to ruin, and the threat of Lex…it had just seemed to her like the time had come. Like it was her only option. To sacrifice, to sacrifice and hurt.

If Lex had won by separating the two of you, then he had one like that. In her mind, Lena had already been destroyed, of course she imagined that to be the end of it, that he wouldn’t touch you. She’d rather hurt by pushing you away than you dying. Even the thought—

God, she’s so tired of being a coward. To being so scared of losing you that she’s willing to destroy you both.

Kara and Alex hating what she’s done in the unspoken way that they do hurts even more in a way Lena’s used to, because it hurts like regret. Their stances have turned from concerned and loving, to protective heroes. She should have never left you alone. Not when she was scared of Lex, and not now. She gives both Kara and Alex a firm nod and tries to walk past to get into the room. To make things right.

Kara stops her with a hand on her shoulder. She drops it instantly when Lena turns towards her. Ever the fragile hero, always afraid of her own hands for the strength they hold. “Before that…” Kara coughs awkwardly, “Um…we need you to understand her injuries…and what happened.”

—-

When Lena walks into the room, it’s not like you thought she would. She’s not the fragile human curled up in a chair, or the terrified women fleeing your medical room. She’s angry with rage and a whirlwind of feelings, caught in a tornado of emotion. She’s large in the way she’s always been, and yet it has never left you feeling so small.

You sink back into your hospital bed, pull the covers to your chin, and watch her.

“You went after him?” Lena hisses out, so lowly, so sharply, that she might as well have cut the words into your skin for the way that it dig into you. “Everything I’ve ever done is to protect you, and you just decided to throw it all away like it means nothing? Do you have any idea—”

“You were protecting yourself!”

Lena stops. She was pacing, shaking with emotion, but she stops dead in her tracks at the sound of your voice. You yell it, and yet it’s still somehow silent. Your throat is ruined, a testament to the cruelty of Lex, and the evidence of that and more is written on your skin. You’re covered in injuries. Your brokenness has never been more visible, you think, and it should leave you feeling fragile, and it does, god it does, but right now it gives you power.

Power over Lena, who looks at you like her life hangs in the palm of her hand.

“You think I’m stupid, that I don’t know that every fiber of your being is laced with fear?” You whisper now, hand on your throbbing throat. “You left me for you, and I went after Lex for me.” Its venom. Venom, and anger, and all of the thing you know Lena takes In stride. The thing she strives on.

It hangs in the air for a second. Then Lena, beautiful Lena, kneels by the side of your bed. CEO, one of the most powerful people in this city; on her knees for you. She doesn’t look invigorated, doesn’t looked fueled by anger, just looks sad with regrets.

“I did it for me,” Lena agrees, so soft, so not like them; not like her family. “I did it for you, too. Of course I did it for you, and maybe it was a terrible thing to do—led by my trauma talking to me—but don’t lay there and deny I wasn’t thinking of you,” she breathes, then pauses, eyes tracing your busted lips, bruised face, bruised neck. Her jaw trembles and her lips part, she looks as if she wants to say more, but her eyes are haunted by the home she grew up in.

As if reading your mind Lena whispers, “they haunt me. It’s as if I can never let go. I’m so sick of it. I’m so sick of it.” She closes her eyes with furrowed brows, as if not looking at you will prevent the shake in her voice. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. For them. For them now, for them back then, and for them in the future—if you still want to be in my life, you have to know I can’t escape them. Even when they’re not there they’re there. It…god, it makes me sick.”

When Lena raises her hands and grips herself, digging her fingers into her skin like she wants to pull the trauma and memories out of herself, like she wants to get rid of them, something in you breaks. Breaks because your arms are raw and aching, and it wasn’t Lex. Breaks because you know so intimately what it’s like to face reality and find it so frustratingly unchangeable. To want so much, and for it to mean nothing is the most devastating thing.

To be so large, and so small.

You’ve been crying, and Lena doesn’t notices until a sob falls from your lips. You’ve been trying to hold it in, but when she startles up at it and looks at you with that same wanting, like you’re her heart walking and she’d give anything to take your hurt, the sobs break through like a dam. They break through and it hurts because there is no part of you left unbroken.

When you sob it disturbs your broken ribs, disturbs the bruises covering your torso, rips at your tarnished vocal cords, and has the machines in the room beeping so loud it alerts the nurses.

—-

Lena doesn’t even have time to stand before the nurses rush in and pull the blanket off of you. There’s no words to describe the shift that happens in side of her when she sees the extent of your injuries.

It’s like something both breaks and rebuilds in her, and then breaks again, paralyzing her. Then, she sees a nurse heading towards you with a syringe and it activates her.

“Don’t fucking touch her,” Lena says, or thinks she says. She can’t recognize the venom in her voice, doesn’t feel apart of her body.

She’s moving in between the nurse and you, but your sobs begin to bring her back to reality.

“She needs to be put under, she’s hurting herself—”

Lena doesn’t pay attention to her, just sees Alex and Supergirl enter the room. Sees the way Alex shakes her head and nods to the corner of the room, and follows in suit while every fiber of her being says to do otherwise.

It kills her that she can’t protect you. Can’t protect you from the nurses that you try to pull away from, can’t protect you from the hurt on your skin, or in your heart, couldn’t protect you from— she thinks of Lex. Lex when he was her big, smart older brother that she admired more than anyone in the world.

She thinks of the way he’d give her a cheeky roll of his eyes behind Lillian’s back after a small verbal lashing. Thinks of every chess game, every hide n seek game, every reassuring grin. You’re smarter than they know Lena, he’d say, and she’d beam, not noticing the progressive darkness in his eyes as he said it.

Her eyes don’t leave you as the nurses put you down again. She thinks; I’ll kill him. In her peripheral she knows Kara is watching the floor, and feels Alex watching her. When the nurses cover you back up and they both turn towards you, Lena knows it was out of respect for you. She’s grateful for it—somewhere in her thunder of emotions she’s thankful for them, but also feels a bit of anger towards them.

This is why they kept her from seeing you when you were brought in?

“Why doesn’t she have a hospital gown?” Lena asks in a whisper.

“She took it off, said it hurt when the nurses moved it, and that it was sticking to her. Constricting her,” Kara explains, she sighs, shakes her head, and then turns towards Lena as Supergirl. With a fire in her eyes.

The same one in Lena as she allows herself to ask the very question she wanted to run from hours ago. “Where’s Lex?”

“No.” It’s both Supergirl and Alex.

“Alive then? Okay,” Lena starts towards the door. “If you’re here, he’s here. I’ll find him easily enough.”

Supergirl, familiarly, stands in her ways. Eyes sympathetic next to Alex’s hardness. “Where are you when you’re with them?” Alex asks from behind her. When you let them guide every bad decision you make, she hears.

Lena stops. Thinks about control, about gods, about leaving you to wake up alone again, thinks about murder, both in her blood and not, thinks about Lex with a gun to your head, with fists, and kicks, and a maniac smile, thinks about her dad in the same way—standing over Lex while Lillian gripped Lena back. She thinks of cycles, thinks of protection and all the ways it’s possible, all the ways she’s capable, more capable then him.

Smarter, Lena remembers Lillian saying casually. Always smarter than.

Better than, Kara will say.

The good one, Alex will joke.

My hero, you’d grin. Lena feels herself split. Starts forward again.

Kara whispers now, “Heroes don’t kill, Lena.”

Alex, “it’s both the best and most terrible thing about us.”

Us.

Lena wants to yell, wants to crumble, wants to curl by your side, wants to kill Lex with her bare hands, wants to erase the Luthor history from her mind, from her body, wants to erase it from yours even more. Wants it so desperately, so acutely it hurts. Sadness fills the room, suffocates them all.

Kara is watching you again, Alex keeps glancing back, they’re both unconcerned about Lena now. Full faith in her to be who they claim she is. Lena returns to the seat by your bed and allows herself to be that person.

“Whatever cell he’s in, I’m building it,” Lena whispers, thinking of the cuffs she’ll put on him, wondering if she can somehow slow down his mind.

Alex nods, running her hands down her face. The past couple hours have completely exhausted her in a way Lena’s not used to seeing from her. Alex cares so much about you, and it shouldn’t surprise Lena but It does. “We’re thinking about sending him to the phantom zone.”

Here, Lena is more surprised. They must know that’s a death sentence. Lena glances at Supergirl, she’s still watching you but she’s clearly listening, her eyes have turned hard. They aren’t underestimating Lex. They clearly know the responsibility that’ll bear on them if he escapes again.

Lena feels another bought of gratitude towards them as she takes your hand, and trusts them to handle the person she trusts no one to handle.

——

When you wake up the second time it’s because nurses are dapping you with wet cloths, clearly trying to clean you. They apologize profusely, say they thought the drugs would keep you down longer, and offer to finish the cleaning after you’ve gotten more pain killers.

Your eyes dart around rapidly, chest constricting in anxiety, and then you see Lena. She’s standing by the door, clearly trying to keep out of the nurses way. She’s not full of rage and untouchable in that way, and she’s not fragile, she’s strong.

Her eyes are hard, but not cold. They’re determined, and loving, and they’re your strength too. You suck in a shaky breath, whisper; “thank you. Later might be an option”, as you try to focus on Lena and not the thought of the nurses hands on you turning into Lex’s violent ones.

When they all shuffle out Lena quietly returns to the spot by your bed. This Lena somehow makes you feel more fragile than angry, furious Lena had, because in the place of your defensiveness you’re left to feel your guilt.

“I’m…I’m not weak, Lena.” It feels stupid to claim now as you lay in a hospital bed feeling nothing but. You clench your jaw. Lena’s hand reaches up and takes your chin, forcing you to meet her eyes. She’s not gentle, certainly not rough, but her firmness gives you the power to continue. She’s the stable ground that helps you find your footing.

You find it. Meet her gaze unblinking. “I’m not Supergirl, I’m not you, I’m not Alex, or Jon, or Winn, or James, or Kelly, or— or Lex…I’m not capable in the particular ways you guys are, but I am capable.”

Lena’s eyes fall to your throat. You grip her wrist, the one holding your face, and her eyes meet yours apologetically. “I know,” she says, so softly, so quietly. “You being here is the evidence of it, isn’t it?”

You nod, but you aren’t done. “I’m not sure what Supergirl told you. Clearly she told you I went after Lex, and in a way that’s true, but more so I wanted him to come after me,” you pause. Lena is watching you with furrowed eyes, clearly trying to piece together what you’re explaining before you finish.

Her lips part after just another moment. She’s figured it out you realize, feeling a bit of pride because of it. Pride because she has faith in you, pride because she‘s so incredibly quick and you have had the privilege to know her so acutely. “All of this…was your plan?” Lena asks, sounding both shocked and not.

You wince, brushing aside her hand so you can look down, adverting your gaze. “Well…not all of it.” Memories flash through your mind. “I thought he’d keep me captive, not…” you left out a frustrated breath, angry, so angry at yourself for not being able to speak about it. Speak about him.

“It was a game to him, of course. He’d torture me, send you a video to torture you. He’d get you chasing him. He’s always liked the thrill.” Your eyes stay on Lena’s fists. Watch as they clench so tightly to her side that they shake. “I knew he loved messing with you, and was partly counting on it, not like that but— but maybe just having me wouldn’t have been enough, maybe it was good he did what he did—got so high off of it his guard lowered.”

“Don’t say that,” Lena pleads. You startle up at the sound of her trembling voice doing everything not to cry.

You breathe in; your ribs hurt. You breathe out; they hurt again. Lena shakes her head at herself, frustrated and biting her lip. She’s having a battle with composure and losing.

“Kara told me how you stole his nanotech and used it to immobilize him. That the tech that was missing from my lab last week was found with the stuff he confiscated from you. That you hacked his computer with my prototype to send her the location to his headquarters underground,” Lena rushes out, “I didn’t know you planned to get taken to his HQ, to steal his nanotech, didn’t know that anyone besides me and the DEO knew what he was working on.”

It’s a quick summary of the things you’ve done, leaving out the weeks of planning, leaving out the struggles of actually setting the plan in motion when the shifting variables shifted in a way you weren’t prepared for. It should leave you proud, but when you think of what you managed all you remember is pain and struggle.

“You stopped Lex like you planned. So many people are saved because of you. An unfathomable amount, and yet,”she says. And yet, you think, heart fluttering because you know Lena will say the very thought that kills you to think of, but the thought that can’t escape you anyways. “What…what you did was monumental, and thank you, but god, I so wish you hadn’t,” Lena breathes. “He gone, and yet he has never been so present. Perhaps you felt the effects of him through me before, but you know now what it’s like to have him really present, always right over your shoulder, and that…I would’ve given the world for otherwise.”

It’s exactly the same thoughts you have had. To hear it from Lena, someone you admire and trust so much, someone you believe to be good with every piece of you, someone you’d follow everywhere—it’s like a medicine for guilt.

“What I said before…about doing what I did for me,” Lena shakes her head, ever understanding, like she doesn’t need you to finish. You do though. “I did it for me because I wanted desperately for you to still be mine, and getting rid of Lex was the avenue for that,” you admit. “I didn’t want him to plague you anymore either.”

You hesitate. Memories of Lena pacing at night—startling awake, watching the news with the grimness of someone attending a funeral—memories of Lena’s affectedness come to you. Her humaneness at hearing Lex escaped again, and in her humanity in her vulnerability.

“I want to take responsibility, so I don’t want to say I did it for you, but what you said earlier made me realize everything is a bit of both. I did it for me, I did it for you too.”

Lena laughs. Laughs. It shocks you, causes you to jump and stop looking at your hand, causes you to meet her gaze again. “Ow,” you growl, unamused, because Lena is still laughing. She’s covering her face and has the decency to look apologetic.

Your ribs hurt from the startle but even you can’t help but be confusedly amused.

“I want to hate,” Lena starts, mirth in her voice, “that you did the thing I wanted you to do least in the world, and you got exactly what you wanted out of it. You captured lex, and in a way captured me back too.”

“Oh,” you perk up, smiling up at Lena innocently. “Guess I’m the brains now, brawn.”

Lena’s eyes narrow at you. “That insinuates that you were ever the brawn.”

Back to glaring. Lena lets out another huff of laughter and brushes your hair back, away from a cut on your forehead. Her eyes are so soft, so full of warmth, and love that you could cry. Would cry, perhaps, if it wouldn’t hurt every part of your body.

Instead you grin, because that’s what humans are taught to do instead of cry, and ask, gently—feeling like a shaky child; “does that mean you’re my girlfriend again?”

—-

Lena’s eyes widen as she realizes what she implied, and as you own up to it so hesitantly, so childlike, like Lena could ever think of pushing you away after everything. Her words, not for the first time today, betray her. All she can do is nod.

Your responding grin is heroin to Lena. You smile so wide the cut on your lip breaks open again and starts bleeding, but you pay it no mind. Lena does. She smiles back, albeit more gently, and squishes your cheeks together to prevent the split widening.

You pout in her hands. Lena’s heart flutters. She keeps getting hit randomly with momentous emotion, and she’s hit again with it now. The softness of this moment feels like seeing a rainbow after months of storms.

You here, alive, looking at Lena with so much love in your eyes, so much understanding. It feels like a fantasy. Feels like a lucid dream, a dream she’d choose, over, and over again, until the end of time.

Lena leans in and kisses you—not on the lips, they are cut and bruised. She kisses you on the space just below your eye. A spot, one of the few spots, clear of visible injury. She takes pleasure in the way you flush like it’s the first time. She always did, will always do. “I love you,” Lena whispers, promising herself that even if there are days you won’t believe her, there will never be a day you don’t hear it.

It’s you, and it’s her, and it’s the mountains of history and trauma you two are fighting against. Lena likes the both of your odds. Loves winning just as much.

You’ll beat Lex she knows. There will be a day soon where he stops haunting the two of you. Where he’s not even a thought. When that time comes you’ll have won the war, but for now she’ll take the pride of winning every battle in stride, for now, in the now; she’ll cherish every moment, the many moments, when trauma leaves the room and love consumes it.

“Lena Luthor,” you breathe. You breathe. “My love, my hero.”

[love-note-musings]

For the Emoji drabble!

🏹 + Leviathan ??

Have a good day! ^^

╰₊✧ ﾟ⚬𓂂➢ Obey Me! Leviathan x Reader

from this emoji prompt list: 🏹 | waking up from a nightmare

✩₊˚.⋆please ignore that this literally was sitting in my drafts for literal years lmao☾⋆⁺₊✧

Envy does as envy knows best. It festers, becomes symptomatic, viral, and infectious. Left untreated, it can leave a nasty scar where there’s supposed to be something tender. And Levi, out of all people, knows this the best. He’s the most infected out of them all.

He couldn’t escape the sensation that he was the worst choice for you even during sleep. The idea that you had merely settled for him out of pity clung onto him like a leech, regardless of the assurances you offered him. Levi knew that constantly reaffirming him was tiring, he knew that it was annoying, but he couldn’t shake this lurching feeling off of him.

Dreams lived to affirm his fears. He could have forgiven you for cheating, why wouldn’t you? He could have forgiven you for falling out of love, for choosing someone else—in fact, he expected it. Out of everything, he could have forgiven you for almost everything you could throw his way if it meant he could stay by your side a little while longer. So, while the amalgamation of his fears constructed itself in front of him, Levi had already forgiven you.

There was a red tint on your face as your brows furrowed, eyes barreling down onto his figure. Hurling insult after insult all the while yelling at the top of your lungs, Levi could only look up at you as if you were a god, listening as you affirmed all of the negative thoughts he had about himself. If you out of all people could see it, then it must be true, right? When he could see how happy and joyful you looked with others, he couldn’t help but compare the smile you gave to him versus the one you gave to your friends.

Levi didn’t notice that he had woken up with tears staining the corners of his eyes, or how they dripped down off his cheek and onto the pillow beneath his head. All he could feel was the gapping feeling inside his chest and the way his lungs stung. He didn’t notice that he was heaving until you placed your hand on his chest.

“Shh, I got you,” you assured while sitting him up on your bed. using your thumb you wiped off some of the tears flooding his face and pulled him close.

He was hesitant even as he felt your arms holding him. Slowly, he crumbled into your embrace, resting his head against your chest so he could feel your heartbeat. His arms shakily held onto you while he hid his tear stained face. You offered him such comfort and softness even when his own subconscious gave him none.

“What kind of nightmare has gotten you so sad, dear?”

Levi found it hard to explain to you something so otherworldly, something so contrary to your demeanor. A nightmare - because that’s all it was. And because you weren’t the amalgamation he constructed in his mind. You weren’t some cruel human who would pluck at his heartstrings and drag them along like a dog on the leash. This was the real you. Your arms were warm, your gaze was soft. In the moment, it felt silly to even imagine you as some sort of poised bully.

Yet, that image always came back as some sort of lurking insecurity. You had certainly done nothing to give him such vivid fears. More importantly, how could he explain this to you all in the dead of night?

"Can you just. . I mean, we can talk about it later. Can you just hold me, like this, for now?" Levi managed to stutter out while he willed to calm his beating heart.

All you did was smile at him. "Yeah, of course, Levi. You want me to put on a show for background noise while you go back to sleep?"

"Sounds good." He answered, more than content to stay right here with you.

Neither of you even seemed to notice that most of your blankets and pillows had already been kicked off the bed.

[snaillock]

your relationship with bllk men as mitski songs

(kaiser, sae, oliver)

my posting has been very slow recently so to celebrate mitskis new album (and to feed into my eternal obsession for her music and lyricism by combining it with another thing im way too obsessed with), i dug up this old ass draft and finished it instead of giving y’all an actual fic

tags: gn!reader, angst(it’s mitski duh), yeah basically no fluff/comfort in here, suggestive-ish in the oliver one, me being a dork and combining two big interests of mine

michael kaiser - i don’t smoke

So if you need to be mean Be mean to me I can take it and put it inside of me If your hands need to break More than trinkets in your room You can lean on my arm As you break my heart

his career can be a lot on his shoulders at times even with the cocky and arrogant facade he puts on for the performance of each match he plays. he has a tendency to keep it all in to bask in the glory of his luxurious life.

you understand. you know he’s currently too prideful to deal with his true feelings, especially all on his own. you just want to be there to know he isn’t alone and that he can be open with you. so you sit there, giving him a listening ear as he lashes out and releases every awful word in the book towards you when everything finally becomes too much for him to bear. you wouldn’t want him to have a very public meltdown when it happens so it’s better this way. you have remind yourself to take none of it to heart because he doesn’t mean those all harsh words. he just needed an outlet for those frustrations.

you also don’t want the weight and significance of his career to separate you two. you’re already so damn lucky to be with someone like him. you want to prove that you can handle it. you know you can. you’re sure you can help him figure this all out somehow. love just takes compassion and patience, that’s all it is. just taking it one step at a time.

it’s just compassion and patience. right?

Just don't leave me alone Wondering where you are I am stronger than you give me credit for

sae itoshi - i want you

You're coming back And it's the end of the world We're starting over and I love you darlin' And I am done, dear

he swears he will make time for you someday. sure those words have been promised over and over again like a broken record but he truly does love you. however you’re starting to wonder if mutual love is truly enough to keep you two going.

the truth is his life is currently too big and important for him to take any focus away from it. the last thing he needs is a distraction. all of which he has very clear multiple times, even along with his contrastingly hopeful promises. though his tone is quite neutral, never letting his emotions seep through as if he’s programmed to do so. meanwhile you have to desperately hold yours back to not seem like an idiot.

it’s never been easy to express how you feel in front of him. you desperately wish you could but the inconsistency of your relationship that’s barely holding up renders it pointless. this over and over/back and forth thing that’s going on between you two is exhausting. it only leaves you lost and confused. you begin to wonder if staying is even worth it at all. even with the speck of hope that it could eventually work out. even if you love him.

You're in the house And I am here in the car I just need a quiet place Where I can scream how I love you

oliver aiku - eric

You like control, well, I do too Take off my clothes and watch me move You can come closer, I'll let you hurt me how you choose

you deeply crave a loving and fulfilling connection with another but unfortunately the other you desire is him. a guy who’s born to be a player and only wants to fool around with multiple people.

you know getting attached would only cause you so much unnecessary pain but your naive heart couldn’t resist him. you know that he doesn’t see you for more than what you give him at night but you were still a fool to fall for him.

enough of a fool to fall for him knowing he’s not ready to settle for one person. you could see it from how you would lovingly gaze at him while he leers at someone else behind you. you would still give yourself up to him if you could, offering anything he wanted out of you.

despite better judgment, you stay with a pained and aching heart. constantly yearning for more.

But how long, how long can we play this way? I'm tired, I'm tired of not loving you My heart, my heart wants to hold you But I know, I know, I know the rules

taglist(lemme know if you wanna be added): @userwithlotsoftime @lucas2060

[pinklybleu]

Memories

Summary: With Pietro gone and no place to call home, Wanda is now living with the Avengers. If only Natasha would look at her.

Words: 1391 words

A/N: Thanks to @badingsm for helping me, because this probably wouldn't have any title at all which means I probably would just leave it again in my drafts. :)

It has been more than a month since the event of Sokovia and Natasha still wouldn’t look her in the eyes, she won’t even acknowledge her existence at all. Wanda couldn’t even blame the older woman for any of this, it was her fault after all.

The other Avengers would try to talk to Natasha about her behavior when in the vicinity of the witch, which the spy will only respond with a sharp glare that always shuts them up and then walk away.

“Why can’t she just forgive you?” Wanda looked up from her breakfast to Steve who was cooking at the stove then to the remaining Avengers, bar Natasha, sitting on the dining table with her who nodded in response to the blonde.

Wanda frowned, she was about to speak up but stopped when she noticed the redhead entering the kitchen and sitting down at the table to eat, and just went back to her food.

The Avengers have been relatively nice to her even after what she did to them, they even took her in after Pietro died and she has nowhere else to go home to.

The men badgering the spy was slowly getting into the brunette’s nerves. It was something Wanda noticed about them, they tend to push their opinions towards others and contradicting thoughts often leads to a shouting match (mostly Tony and Steve) but not Natasha, she either calmly explain her side or just plainly went silent. On this case she tends to do the latter. Staying silent whenever the others would ask why she wouldn’t give the witch the time of day or even try to talk to her, not even a single word.

“Are you going to continue like this, Nat?”

Steve’s voice broke her out of her thoughts. She looked back up to the others and noticed that once again Natasha was glaring at Steve, silently urging the blonde to go on.

“At the very least acknowledge her when she’s sitting at the table you are in.” Natasha frowned after a few seconds before standing up and walking away without a word.

Wanda would be lying if she said she wasn’t disappointed or even a little hurt. With her being new to America, and technically still not a citizen, she doesn’t know anyone else besides the Avengers and Natasha is the only other woman she knows. She would also be lying if she said she doesn’t see the older woman as a figure head, despite the spy being only five years older than her, especially after what she saw in the redhead’s mind.

“Please stop forcing her.” Her voice was soft and almost silent that they wouldn’t even hear it if they weren’t sitting a few feet from each other.

“I messed with her mind. It’s my fault.”

“Just as you did us, I don’t see how it’s any different.” Tony shrugged with a mouthful of food while pointing a fork in her direction.

“Yeah, but you helped us in the fight. We managed to get over that.” Steve commented pointing at himself and the others.

“You don’t understand.” She shakes her head. “What I did to her is not the same as what I did to any of you. I showed all of you what you fear, I couldn’t find anything within the depths of her mind.” Clint dropped his fork at his plate, making a crisp sound resounding in the silence of the kitchen.

“You… Tell me you didn’t.” he was looking at her as if pleading. She looked down at her plate, her hands holding onto the utensils tightly, as she felt tears welling up in her eyes.

“I… No matter how much I tried I couldn’t find her fears, so I showed her the worst memories she had.” Everyone but Clint was looking at her, confused. Clint felt himself in the brink of tears. He, being the first person that Natasha trusted after the Red Room, was told by her, trusted even, of what she experienced in that place. The very first time she told him; she was very detached to it as if she was merely talking about the weather. It took him months of convincing along with therapy (required, specifically asked by Fury) for her to understand that what happened to her is extremely traumatizing and not at all normal. Now, after knowing that what little progress he had on the redhead, whom he sees as a little sister, could’ve been obliterated made him a little mad at the witch. He immediately took a deep breath to calm himself down, he couldn’t blame her, she was manipulated by HYDRA and then Ultron.

“That’s why I understand why she would blame me, and I’m really sorry about what I did so please don’t push her anymore. She also deserves her space.” She left the kitchen, suddenly not feeling hungry anymore leaving the remaining Avengers to contemplate her words.

Maybe some air would do her good.

Wanda walked to the elevator with the rooftop as her destination.

The moment she took a step in the rooftop after the elevator door opened, she stopped. She saw Natasha sitting in the stone bench with her back to her, the wind gently blowing on her curls. The witch was about to go back to the elevator when she heard a voice.

“I know you’re there.”

Wanda stood frozen. This is the first time that the older woman has directly acknowledged her.

“Don’t just stand there.”

She walked slowly towards the redhead as though if she went any faster, she would receive the wrath of the other woman.

“You know I’m not mad at you, right?” this stopped the brunette in her tracks, slow as they may be. If she wasn’t mad at her, why does the redhead kept ignoring her?

Natasha tilted her head while patting on the space beside her, indicating the witch to sit beside her on the bench.

Wanda sat down while looking at Natasha who was still staring ahead, gazing at the view.

“I’m sorry.” Wanda blurted out; she couldn’t take the silence anymore. Natasha turned to look at her, brows furrowed slightly.

“I messed with your mind, so I understand why you wouldn’t want to interact with me but I want you to know that I am sorry and that you don’t have to forgive me.”

“Oh, honey. Is that what you think?” Natasha was looking at her softly, her voice sounding so gentle despite its raspy tone.

“I never blamed you for anything. The reason why I couldn’t look at you is because you remind me of someone.” She smiled as if remembering a beautiful memory.

“She’s my sister, both of you are the same age you know. No one knows about her other than Clint. She was only six the last time I saw her. I can’t look at you because I remember how much of a failure I am at being a sister. I remember how I failed to save her from the hell that I was raised in.” Natasha frowned.

“They took her from me. Ripped her out of my grasp before shoving her into a different cargo container. That was the last time I saw her. I should’ve fought more, maybe I could’ve taken her with me.”

“Or you could’ve gotten yourself killed.” Wanda said softly.

“Probably, but at least I tried.” The redhead tried to smile but ended more with a grimace.

Natasha sighed.

“Don’t blame yourself, alright? I never once blamed you for anything.” The older woman looked at her with sincerity in her eyes. She doesn’t know why but she felt her eyes stinging with tears as she felt the weight on her shoulders, she didn’t know she had, disappear.

“Come here.” Natasha smiled, opening her arms. Wanda leaned towards her, wrapping her arms around the older woman while sobbing.

“Shh. It’s okay, darling. You’re okay now.” Natasha pressed a kiss in her hair.

[punkzines]

TFP SOUNDWAVE X READER SHORT

reader just loves aliens.kinda.

a/n: let me just say this has been sitting in my drafts for like months…i might make this into mult. chapters…

In a moment of fear you had tried to escape, free yourself from the tight grasp of a tentacle-like cord that made itself oddly comfortable around your waist. It was mad, the whole situation seemed unreal.

But it was real.

How much you wish it wasn’t.

You couldn’t believe you were planning on doing something so reckless, so foolish. But it had to be done. There were too many rumors, too many sightings— consequences and conspiracies. You needed to do something, find out the truth.

You were a simple being, driven by curiosity and the thirst of knowledge. Knowledge wasn’t something you obtained easily though, as you were a low income student going to a local community college: Jasper, Nervada College. You had limited resources, oftentimes your power or internet ran out. But that was the reason why you went out. And why you are doing what you’re doing.

As of recent years, many people have reported sightings of UFO’s lurking around Jasper, Nevada. At first, you couldn’t consider the possibility. It was absurd, what would aliens want to do with Earth out of all the other planets that are so much better? But then— power outages, numerous reports— videos and photos that couldn’t be explained, and seemed too real to be edited, brought you a certain type of thrill you just simply couldn’t ignore.

So, you did what anyone would do, you’ve spent the last two years researching, and investigating. Looking around sites strangely suddenly closed by the government, staying up late because what alien wouldn’t wander around the night where they couldn’t be spotted? You collected newspapers, anything that would help. You admit, you never really found any evidence. There were times you thought you saw something strange at a car garage, some tall dark figure far away from a cliff, everything was so close yet you never actually got anywhere. Dead ends were becoming so common.

The drought of information made you consider giving up— what was the point? If there really were aliens, what could you hope to ever do with that information? Would you expose them? Profit off of them? You were in debt. But like always, the thoughts holding you back were the ones that brought you a step forward. You don’t know how they did it but they did. You were just magical like that.

For the past 6 months you’ve been contemplating on sneaking into an old, unused military base(you don't recall why it was abandoned, but maybe it was something you could now find out!) It was the dumbest yet smartest thing you’ve thought about doing. You planned on using your skills and gathering any information you could. Anything, who knows, maybe your tech skills would’ve been useful. You were at risk of being found out, jailed, but you were certain the place wasn’t used anymore— you’ve been watching it for some time already after getting off from college and work. You also had nothing to lose.

But of course, life ends up biting you in the ass. The fucking alien had to come to the same place as you did AND at the same time.

The tall metallic soulless creature brings you up rather quickly (giving you a scary view of its entire body) to its head— or what you assume is its head— and simply stares at you. Your head is spinning, things are happening too quick, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Compared to your heavy breathing, you’re not even sure you can sense it breathing.

“Let me go!” The demand practically goes unheard, as the robot creature does not stop its actions, but instead a purple light passes up and down your body, much like a scanner. You can’t let that stop your struggles.

You trashed around the grasp, elbowing, punching, anything to set you free. It was futile- escaping from the grasp, you knew it, yet you still tried. Briefly, you see some type of statistical analysis, if that’s what you could even call it— written in some type of strange code you’ve never seen before until you spot something familiar— your face.

You paused your attempts, body going still stricken with a deep feeling of dread. “What are you doing?” You asked, voice breaking down in fear. Was it information about you? Was it going to send it to someone? What if all this time you’ve been wrong and you’ve just stepped into some military government trap? This couldn’t be…

The screen goes blank. Your heart sinks as you see your reflection on the screen. You two were the only ones in this dark room, but the silence was so strong, it felt as if there was a third presence.

You couldn’t breathe— you were going to die. You really didn’t want to jump into conclusions so quickly, but if this robot was what you’ve been trying to prove was here on Earth… you were certain your death would be coming any second now.

Just as you thought of your goodbyes to the world and anyone who had been remotely kind to you, the cord around your waist starts to make its grasp harder on your waist, knocking out any air. It hurt.

In instinct you suck in your stomach but it does not alleviate the pain. Crying out in pain you try to escape the grasp, however the pain makes it hard to do so. You wanted this to be over— “If you’re going to kill me, at least make it painless-” You choke out, but are cut short when another cord hrabs your face harshly— gripping it tightly.

Your vision is gone, and your senses heightened. Why is this happening to me?You move your hands from the cord on your waist to the one on your face, trying to remove it.

It was getting harder to breathe, you figure from the lack of oxygen you're getting. Punching the cord wasn’t working, it hasn’t been. You were trapped.

Your body betrays you as your heartbeat begins to slow down, your eyes start growing heavy. Your hands fall from the cord connected to your face as you go limp.

[fandomsandflyingstingrays]

Reposting yesterday's fic because I accidentally published the first, highly unedited draft... it's Fine

Also, it's now on AO3!

Raine had been counting down to the Day of Unity all year, had burned the number of days and hours remaining into their mind, but somehow, it still felt like they should have had more time. Headquarters was in chaos, people calling out over each other, the air a mess of requests and worries. A blessed, momentary silence occurred when Katya dropped her tambourine— only for the panic to double as she realized it left her without an instrument.

“Can you play the bell cittern?” Raine asked. At her nod, they wove their way through the crowd to the back of the room where the beds lay, the only truly peaceful corner, where Eda was sitting with Luz.

“Eda, I was wondering if I could borrow— why do you have a box of toenails?”

Luz gave a muted laugh. “She was using it to hide this,” she said, holding up a log of blue wood.

“And the mystery of who depleted the Bonesborough Garden Club’s precious stash is answered,” Raine said, casting an amused glance at Eda. She winked, and they quickly turned their gaze back to Luz. “What are you going to carve?”

“I… don’t know. Eda taught me the basics, but…”

She was quiet for almost a minute before Raine realized she wasn’t going to finish the sentence.

“So,” Eda said finally, “what was it you needed?”

“Oh— I was wondering if Katya could borrow your bell cittern. Her tambourine was a… casualty of rushed preparations.”

“I’d love to say yes, but I don’t have it on me. I was so busy grabbing my fabulous toenails from the Emperor’s stash of all my stuff that I didn’t have time to look for anything else, and obviously I can’t just summon it anymore.”

Raine drew a circle in the air, and the bell cittern fell into their arms. It was Eda’s turn to look away.

“Right. I forgot that you still remember its magical signature.”

“Of course I do.”

I never forgot you, they wanted to say. I’m sorry for making you believe that I did. I’m so glad you never really believed it.

But the Day of Unity was in two days. There was no time for distractions or regret, only what needed to be done.

“Could you give it to Katya and make sure she knows what she’s doing?” they asked instead. “She’s a talented musician, but any bard worth their bile sack would still benefit from your expertise.”

A smile tugged at the corners of Eda’s lips. “You got it.” To Luz, she added, “Give me a shout if you need me, all right?”

The young human nodded, not looking up from her wood. Raine had a million other things to do, a million questions to answer, but for reasons they couldn’t quite explain, they found themself perching beside her, taking the spot Eda had vacated.

“You know, Eda taught me how to carve my palisman, too. Her dad taught her a few months before our class was supposed to learn, and she couldn’t resist passing on the forbidden knowledge.” They said the words in a low, dramatic tone, and were rewarded with a faint smile. “It still took me a while to figure out what I wanted, though.”

“That’s my problem, too,” she sighed. “Your palisman is supposed to represent your future, but for the last month, I haven’t been able to think about anything beyond the Day of Unity. I have no idea what my future is supposed to look like… or my palisman.”

“I get that,” Raine said, the words coming out a little more bitterly than they intended. To soften them, they added quickly, “but Eda told me that you both know about the portal the emperor has in the skull. As soon as we defeat him, we’ll take control of it. We’ll be able to get you home.”

Tears welled in Luz’s eyes, but they didn’t look grateful or hopeful. Just sad.

“Luz?”

She wiped her eyes. “I want to go home. I do. I miss my mom so bad, but… she made me promise, the last time I saw her, that when I went back, I would stay there for good.”

“What? But… you have a family here. It sounds like you two love each other a lot. Why would she want to take that from you?”

“That’s not how she sees it,” Luz said quickly. “It’s just… things are different in the Human Realm. You can’t do magic, or tell anyone about magic, and if you disappear or get injured by like… detention monsters or plants with fangs, that’s not normal. That’s not something you can explain.” She shrugged. “I want to be with my mom. I know she loves me, and I love living with her. But… that would also mean I couldn’t be a witch. There are no human witches.” She laughed quietly. “Besides the one who’s trying to kill everyone, I guess. What I’m trying to say is, the Demon Realm and the Human Realm… they’re what my teachers would call mutually exclusive. I have to choose.”

“That sounds a lot like Belos’s thinking, you know.”

Luz flinched, and Raine tried to make their next words as gentle as possible. “I’m not trying to compare you to him. I’m just saying, this whole business of needing to choose sounds a lot like what he’s been telling us all these years. That we can only take one path. That works for some people. But there are lots of people who can never fit into it, and they shouldn’t be ignored.”

Luz’s expression didn’t change, and they tried again.

“When I was born, I was given a set of words to identify me that didn’t feel right. For a while, I thought that meant I should go the opposite route, but that didn’t feel good either. What finally made me feel settled was choosing not to choose. To just exist, without any expectations or labels that would make people feel like they knew who I was before I got the chance to tell them.”

That made Luz let out a long breath, and something seemed to loosen in her when she looked up at them. “I get that,” she said quietly. “In the Human Realm, they have a lot of rules. A lot of people think you should stick with the identity you were born with. Follow the role they lay out for you. Love the people they want you to love. And like you said, that works for some people, but it never really worked for me. Getting to come here, getting to be away from that, it was nice, but… I never fully belonged here, either.”

“But you made your own way,” Raine told her. “Eda explained about your talent with glyphs. You found your own magic. I’d bet the Human Realm could use some of that, too.” “Glyphs don’t work in the Human Realm.”

“They wouldn’t work without you either. You are the magic I was talking about, Luz. You’ve done so many impossible things during your time here. What’s one more?”

Finally, she gave them a real smile. “You know, I think you’re the first person I’ve met here who’s just as sappy as me.”

They winked. “I can tell we’re going to be good friends. But only if you come visit from time to time.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“That’s good enough for me.”

Luz released a shaky breath and turned back to the wood in her hands. “Could you… show me how to round the top? Eda went over it, but I want to make sure I get it right.”

“Of course. Round, huh? Are you carving a chicken?”

Luz laughed. “You know, that’s sort of close. I’m going to cave an egg.”

“An egg?”

“Yeah. I still don’t know what I want my future to look like… or theirs. But I want us both to be able to choose.” She waved a hand at the maps on the tables and the banners on the walls, at the assembled revolution. “That’s what this is all about, right?”

A sigh of their own escaped Raine, the words snapping a tension they’d carried for so long they’d almost forgotten it was there. “Right.”

Years of subversion and sacrifice had led up to this. Raine had lost things, people, and parts of themself that they could never get back, all in the hopes of winning a single battle. And now that that battle was finally approaching, they worried they’d done too much, or not enough, that they wouldn’t win, or that winning wouldn’t be worth the cost. But beyond all those regrets, all those fears, was the simple truth that in two days’ time, the people of the Isles would be able to choose a future for the first time in half a century. It was enough. It had to be.

Raine placed their hand over Luz’s, guiding her knife to the top of the log. “Shave the wood away from you,” they instructed, “until you get a gentle sort of slope.”

Luz clenched the wood and the knife so hard that her knuckles turned white, but she made the first cut. “Like this?”

It was wobbly, uneven, less a the start of a smooth egg and more the top of a swirling orb. It wasn’t the way Raine would have done it.

“That’s perfect.”

[heartkyeom]

grad student!seokmin headcanon

word count: 742

notes: hi, long time no see! I don’t know what this is tbh, my writing has been quite stalled lately but this has been sitting in my drafts so I figured I would finish and post it, I hope you like it. happy new year and I hope you’re taking care of yourself 💗 also sorry for the duplicate line under the read more!! tumblr hates me so it won’t let me fix it

taglist: @weakforsvt @junhui-recs @rasparagus @just-here-to-read-01 @baekhyunstruly

grad student!seokmin walks you home after your shared lecture that always runs late. He always grumbled that your professor should be aware of the time, and you always agree wholeheartedly. You insist that you can walk by yourself, but he doesn’t mind, and you secretly enjoy his company. You both keep each other accountable for thesis deadlines and you’re definitely the closest to each other out of your cohort. Even when you cry on his shoulder about your research feeling unorganized or meaningless, he’s making sure you remember why the work you do is important. In return, you text him not to stay up until 5 am writing like usual. After you both finish your final presentations on the final day of the semester, he walks you home one last time.

“But still, thank you, I really appreciate it,” You smile at him, but you’re not sure you can capture the gravity of your feelings.

“But still, thank you, I really appreciate it,” You smile at him, but you’re not sure you can capture the gravity of your feelings.

The silence is quite intense, you’ve never been this awkward around him before. Both of you are typically able to keep conversation better than this, but you internally grasp for anything that could make him stay a bit longer.

“It’ll be weird not seeing you every few days,” You admit. He turns his head away for a moment, looking slightly reminiscent of the past few months already.

“Same, I’m gonna miss it. We can still hang out though!” He exclaims sweetly.

You knew it wouldn’t be the same, though. You could spend time with him anywhere, but these night walks were a different kind of intimacy that you didn’t think you could replicate with anyone else.

You were already used to the way he laughed slightly too loud at all your jokes, the way he smiled so bright that it reached his eyes, and the way he always waited for you to enter your building before walking away.

His kindness had all built up to feelings that were more than platonic. Now, it was just a matter of if you could confess to him or not.

“Of course, but I have to be honest,” You clear your throat and he stiffens slightly.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’ll miss you because I like you,” You sigh too loud at your own words before continuing, “and letting the semester end without saying anything would make me realize how much I like you. Then, I’d have to wait even longer to tell you.”

He blinks at you, but you notice he’s blushing. You’ve fucked it up, you don’t know why you couldn’t have just bit back your crush like most people could.

Yet, you knew you’d regret it if you didn’t tell him. You prepare for the worst as you watch him approach you, your faces only a few inches apart. He holds your hands in his own.

“I like you too, I just wasn’t sure how to say it yet,” He almost mumbles as he looks down at your hands.

“But, I’m glad you found the courage to tell me,” He finally makes eye contact with you and your heart could nearly burst from how sweet he looks.

“You’re cute,” you giggle. He brings his face closer to yours and it makes you laugh even harder.

“Kiss me and I’ll be even cuter,” He replies. You take the command and connect your lips to his, you can barely comprehend how good it feels. You feel his hands on your face and it draws you into his orbit even further.

You’re almost gasping for air by the time you pull away from him.

Silence lingers between the two of you, and you decide in that moment that you can’t let him get away, not this time.

“Do you want to come upstairs?” You ask quietly, your heart is in your throat but you can’t help but press your luck one last time.

He turns his head away from you for a moment, but you can see the brilliant smile that spreads across his cheeks.

He faces you again and you can hear his excitement before he speaks a single word.

“I would love to.”

[nicoshughes]

Confused - N.H x J.H

gif credit to owner :)

Jack was sure he always liked women, well maybe always sure. A part of him knew there was more to love than just what a teenage boy thought.

Freshly being drafted to the NJD wasnt easy, but he always had a helping and supportive friend. Sometimes he thinks that friend is more to him than he thought in the first place.

What happens when the one thing you want is so far away but so close?

Nico has been letting Jack stay with him until he figures out a better place than where he was staying at, it also gave the time for Nico to help Jack, since Jack was a rookie getting used to everything.

Nico and Jack have been hanging out more than they thought they ever would, movie nights, late night walks, even dinners together. Jack didn’t realize how much it meant to him that Nico was always there. Sometimes Jack wonders what it would be like if Nico wasn’t always, just there.

Jack already struggling with his rookie year, is now struggling to figure out his love life. He only knows one person to go to. As the phone rings for Trevor, Jack tries not to cry out of stress and frustration of his brain is working. Jack was never a big crier, not until stress got to him. Trevor answers the phone and before Jack starts talking he makes sure Nico isn’t home.

“Hey man, what’s up?” Trevor asks, sitting down with a bag of chips, sitting his phone up. “Uh, I need to..talk to you about something. You have to promise not to judge me and make fun of me because it’s actually upsetting me.” Jack begins to rant, Trevor looks concerned but lets Jack talk.

Before Jack could get a word out, Nico walks through the front door with food for him and Jack. Jack quickly turns his phone off, hanging up on Trevor.

“Hi, I didn’t know when you would be up but I brought…” Nico stops his sentence when he realizes Jack has a tear falling down his cheek. “What’s wrong, why are you crying…or about to cry?” Nico questions putting the food down on the coffee table.

Jacks mouth goes dry, “I-uh…” Jack couldn’t get a word out. Nico sits down with him and rubs his back, Jack gets butterflies in his stomach and his face goes red. “You can talk to me, I’m here you know. I mean you are staying at my place.” Nico tries to get a laugh out of Jack. Jack just starts crying more, “Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay. What’s wrong?”

“I don’t understand, I don’t understand how I feel and I want to understand so bad. I don’t like not understanding things but I know I like having you around more than I should. I think I’m falling in love with you and I’m scared and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to ruin anything and you probably don’t even feel the sam-.” Before Jack could get his full words out, Nico kisses him. Stopping him from talking at all.

Nicos hands pull Jack closer, before he pulls back. “Sweet boy, you won’t be ruining anything.” Nico smiles at Jack. Jack doesn’t know how to feel. “I like you Nico. More than just a friend from my team.” Jack says with tears in his eyes looking up at Nico. “I know love, I do too.”

Nico pulls Jack up off the couch and hugs him. “You don’t have to be upset, I don’t understand anything either. We can take things slow. I promise you.” Nico whispers in Jacks ears while he rubs his back while Jacks head is in Nicos neck.

“But what about the team and my parents and brothers and oh my god my friends what am I supposed to say.” Jack begins to freak out. Nico takes Jacks hand and leads him to his room. “You need a nap.” Nico states pushing Jack onto the bed.

“We can talk about it more when you’re not so upset, okay baby?” Nico says as he pulls Jack close to him as he gets in the bed. Nico lays on his back while Jack has his head on his chest. Nico starts playing with Jacks hair as he starts to hear little snores from jacks mouth. Nico begins to fall asleep while Jack puts his arm over his waist, holding him tight.

After a long nap, Jack wakes up. Still slowly starting to remember everything that happened before, he feels steady breathing from Nico with little snores. Jack slowly moves so he could get up. “Where are you going?” Nico says in a sleepy voice.

“I’m…I’m kinda hungry.” Jack looks down playing with fingers nervously. Nico rolls over and checks his phone, it’s 8pm. “We slept for a while.” Nico states, slowly getting out of bed.

Jack starts walking to the kitchen and Nico follows. “I can heat up the food I brought earlier..if that sounds good? Maybe we could watch a movie?” Nico suggests, Jack smiles. “I’d like that.” Jack giggles.

Jack walks into the kitchen to get himself and Nico cups. Jack reaches up to get the cups and he feels arms going around his waist. Jack giggles, “I think I could get used to this.” He says while Nico kisses his neck. “I’ve been waiting to be able to do this.” Nico says in between kisses.

“Let me get us some water, babe.” Jack fills the cups up with ice cold water to go with the food. Nico let’s go of Jack to pull the food out of the microwave. Jack walks into the front room and puts the cups down. Nico follows while holding his and Jacks plates.

Jack begins to sit down and Nico shakes his head. “Up.” He says while moving past Jack to sit down where Jack was about to. Nico sits the food down on the stand beside the couch. Nico pats the seat next to him and Jack smiles while sitting down.

After they finish their dinner and talk about how funny it is to see their falls on the ice on YouTube they finally agree it’s time to talk about the maybe relationship.

Nico can tell Jack is nervous, he pulls him closer and allows Jack to lay his head on his lap while he plays with his hair. “Tell me what you’re worried about.” Nico tells Jack, Jack begins to talk about all of his worries. How he’s nervous how his teammates and his brothers and possibly friends knowing about him and Nico and how he worries he’ll be looked at differently because he likes men.

Nico reassures Jack before they both agree they are tired and need to go back to sleep for morning practice the next day. Jack follows Nico into his room and lays down on his bed. “Are we gonna tell everyone tomorrow…or are we gonna let them figure it out?” Jack ask Nico while, Nico makes his way to the bed. “Let them figure it out.” Nico laughs while climbing into bed next to Jack.

They both go quiet for a second, “There’s something I forgot to ask you.” Nico softly says, looking over at Jack. “No I wanna ask.” Jack stops him, Nico smiles. “Go ahead Hughes.” Nico sits up, “Nico, will you be my boyfriend?” Jack giggles asking Nico. Nico hums, “Let me think about it.” Jack gently pushes Nico, “You suck.” Jack laughs nervously. Nico leans down and kisses Jack. “Does that answer your question?” Nico asks. “Maybe do it one more time so I know for sure.” Jack giggles. Nico kisses him again, “Yes, I’d love to be your boyfriend.”

Nico moves over so that Jack can cuddle into him. “I think this is the best day of my life.” Jack says, as Nico locks fingers with him. “Mhm?” Nico hums, lying back. Nico moves over so he can kiss Jack on the forehead. “Get some sleep love, we got practice early morning.”

Jack cuddles up to Nico and Nico has his hands up Jacks shirt rubbing his back until Jack falls asleep.

[scarsbloodandleather]

had this in the drafts for a LONGGG ASS TIME:,,,

i just stayed up all night thinking about trans dean!!! (hbo dean) and wrote an approximate 5 page essay of my thoughts!!! (written by a transmasc)

(just on how dean is trans while keeping majority of the plot is the same, but also better than canon..)

Starting at the beginning. born Deanna. Dean always wanted to present more masculine. as a little kid always wanted to play with the boys stuff and dress in daddys clothes not mommys. in the first scene of him holding baby Sammy, it’s very much possible that he could still look pretty much the same considering the popularity of bowlcuts in young kids especially amongst little girls at that time. After Marys death, john never knew how to shop for girls clothing, so Dean just got the most basic looking clothes, already making him slide into that masculine nature. He probably grew out his hair after Mary died for a while (because of johns inability to take care of his kids and give them regular haircuts), until lets say 6?? when Dean figured out how to use scissors on his hair. John is unfazed, like as long as it doesn’t get in the way, and monsters cant grab deans hair(idk, things like that)

Bobby is the first to figure out Dean is trans. obviously. he pays more attention to the kids than john does. Dean just acts like a boy, thinks he’s a boy, though still being technically a girl. He’s complained before to Bobby about wanting to be a boy and hates being seen as/called a “dyke” or a “tomboy” by classmates and teachers. Dean doesnt think anything is wrong with expressing those emotions, still being just a young kid.

Around 8?9? Dean end up just straight up telling john he thinks he’s actually a boy and john couldnt care less tbh, trans men were nearly invisible to society at that time, especially to someone like john who probably grew up under a rock about those things more than anyone. John probably just somehow believed what dean said.. but in a twisted fucked up way… In Johns head Dean is now “a boy with feminine parts, and that is not right, you cant be a man and feminine.” (something like that) So John double time forces hyper masculinity upon dean much too early, as a compensation for anything possibly non-masculine about dean. Trans men are not a concept in johns mind and he doesnt care at all what it could mean other than Dean just being fucked up. This ideology weighs heavily into Dean’s trauma and daddy issues. Especially when john has angry drunk outbursts of ridiculing Dean for the way he is, doing things like deadnaming and misgendering Dean on purpose.

John obviously didnt know or care about anything gender confirming beyond, “I have a son, I buy boy clothes, it’s easier in so many ways having two sons now.” Bobby was the one who fully supported and understood dean and tried to do everything he could to understand deans situation and help him with the transition.

also. no one really knew of john as a hunter at the start. so its easy for john to switch to saying he has two sons, without causing problems.

Puberty for Dean would fall around 1990/91. By that time hormone blockers were already a thing available for kids who had puberty too early, [BUT amongst my research on hormone blockers for trans people I couldn’t find when That became a common practice, and when or where it became easy(ish) to get such treatment without being denied or hatecrimed in some way...] (will have to do more research on some subjects, I still have several books and articles I need to go through) However, I do know testosterone was actually an accessible thing around the 90s for trans men(ofc i still cant find what the age is for being aproved to start hrt unfortunately).

But, I believe, thanks to Bobby’s cunning schemes, he can get what Dean wants/needs in an easy way (ex; lying about Dean’s age or gender[saying he’s intersex or a male with a hormone deficiency], stollen medical prescription forms, etc)

So maybe, most of Deans life he is stealth to most, (even if he doesnt get testosterone until later in life, there are multiple accounts of trans men more than fooling a vast majority of people into thinking theyre cis, even when literally having sex with women believe it or not(ex; Brandon Teena/Boys Don’t Cry film, a popular 50s gospel singer i forgot the name of, much more) Dean is definitely super crafty in canon so he is always finding ways to pass.

Sam knowing Dean is trans makes sense(even if he doesnt have a word for it at first) considering how close they are as siblings. And I think funnily enough he might not even know Dean is “trans” until he attends a gsa class in college(bonus: Sam is he/she/they nonbinary in my hc and they find out that too)

[Side note, because of genes*, it’s very possible for an afab in the winchester family to be up to 5’10(lets say dean is 5’9 though). He wears those 1 1/2 inch heeled boots he does in canon (funny how he’s canonically trans coded sm), with shoe inserts on top of that and, boom. easily 5’11-6’0. yet, he is still more than four inches shorter than his younger brother.(idk i think sam should chill like maybe he can just be 6’2or3 in hbo, bc *john is still 6’1or2, and mary’s family also has tall men*)]

Moving on. According to the timeline dean discovering girls (and boys) happens next at 12/13 (pls help i’m on the aro spec and dk the normal age you get crushes)

but since we already know john is even more strict about Dean’s masculinity than he would be with someone whos amab (notice john canonically is less forcing of masculinity upon sam... i wonder why....) Well in saying that, here comes the intense homophobia. Dean cannot like men. “thats for girls. and Dean said hes actually a man, and I cant let dean be feminine in any way” or some bullshit like that.

Somewhere in the future, before Dean turns 17, john is “worried” about deans possible attraction to men. Sends him on the nun hunt by himself. It’s a big step especially for Dean being afab and john still seeing him as weak and feminine despite believing Dean is actually a dude. (I think this is also the same reason, canonically, sam is so surprised that at 26 dean is going on his own hunts??)

But like- so if the last time Sam saw Dean, Dean was 22 and still an irresponsible youth, still new to the freedom of things that came at 21 and what not(even if dean has been drinking from a young age) and considering johns treatment of Dean, and Deans dependency on johns toxic grasp on him, Sam could still be surprised dean is on his own now[even if dean went on his own at 17, but sam wouldnt know that,, and plus it was just so john could teach him a lesson] So maybe john also let Dean go on his own at 23(before then dean always went with another person) and because he would soon see Dean and his hunting partner of the time, Lee, getting along “too well” he would just fr gaslight dean to just go on his own from then... (something like that)

Focusing back on Dean’s transition, I actually have no idea when dean would get top surgery bc of the busyness of a hunters life. but im thinking it’s a top priority of Deans for a while because of the discomfort of not being able to wear a binder when hunting, only a sports bra, which depending, could still be very uncomfortable for him dysphoria wise. (i know the struggle) Again, Bobby probably one to help with the whole process of payment, recovery and scheduling a good time.

When dean finally gets his top surgery it is when he is with Cassie. (theyre literally both t4t bi4bi) Dean by luck finds a nice girl at a queer bar and settles down with her and decides its time to chop the flesh bags and Cassie helps him in his recovery. (of course i think dean still goes hunting in secret and messed up the healing process and ends up with sorta messed up scars)

Now lisa well... (actually I think canon dean dated her before cassie, but she was only introduced later so-) okay Lisa lowkey gives me transphobe vibes-.. I wonder if it could be that even after they hook up she still isnt even aware that dean is trans, she still finds out someway though. (rip ben actually being from a random biker in this au, bc canon he is 100% deans kid) When Dean sees her again, they run into eachother and catch up despite lisa still being transphobic. She’s fine with just talking but keeping distance. Ben, already liking dean like a father figure, doesn’t understand why lisa dislikes him, even after she explains how Dean is trans, like most kids at that age it’s simple, if he looks and acts like a boy, he is a boy. Kids dont fucking know a thing about body parts or genders... Ben with that ideology, ultimately opens Lisas eyes on trans people and is now okay with Dean.

The only next big plot point I can think of?? is..

Cas raising Dean from hell. While recreating Dean, he sees Deans entire being through Deans perspective. and how Dean is meant to be rather than how he was born. In my mind it makes sense to cas as angel, by seeing Dean’s soul, his memories, everything that makes Dean, well.. Dean, that he is indeed a man. Also because angels have no construct of gender(besides how humans are born) and being genderless in the first place, Cas doesnt associate body parts with genders. He just knows dean is a man and is like “well if hes a human man he must have these parts i guess?”, Deans views of himself blurring his previous form, everything on how dean looks is slightly masculinized. Cas doesnt even think about how come these scars on deans chest are significant and important to him, at any point in the future he could still easily remove them, but he knew they meant something to dean in his mortal development and despite being a “flaw” they are the two scars he didnt wipe clean off of Dean’s body. Everything else, its like- as if Dean was born a man, or at least, however Dean wanted to look. (and still, cas removes all of deans tattoos. dean is pissed asf at cas. even if they had significance to dean, cas still removed them as it was not a part of his body and soul like the top scars, just a foreign blemish made of ink)

That is all i should probably fit in a post now, lmao

[seventeenytiny]

1:00am

Smut: Minors DNI

Felix tries to help you relax after the two of you sneak out to the hot tub late at night

Contains: Smut, Minor DNI, Oral (female receiving), public sex

Word Count: 1769

Author’s Note: I’ve had this in my drafts for way too long because I was never happy with how it turned out. After much editing, I’m still not in love with it but screw it I gotta post it. Just use this as a guide and make it sound better in your head lol.

“Meet me by the hot tub at 1am,” Felix whispered as he passed by, his hand grazing your hip. His deep voice sends chills down your spine, anticipation of what the night holds has you buzzing.

When you agreed to rent a vacation cabin out in the woods with a group of friends, you didn’t realize it would lead to you and Felix hooking up. You wait patiently for night to fall and for friends to all go to their rooms. You change into your bikini, wrapping yourself in a cover-up to help keep you warm from the chilly night air. Once you see all the lights out and the sound of soft snores fill the cabin, you cautiously creep out, careful to not alert anyone of your whereabouts. The path to the hot tub is dark, but your eagerness helps you push forward. Letting the moonlight guide you, you see a shadowy figure standing near the tub, the figure’s long hair clearly indicating it’s Felix. As you approach, he runs his fingers through his locks, a smile that could light up the night appears on his face.

“I’m glad you decided to come,” He says, embracing you.

“Of course, I’d come for you.” You smile shyly at him.

“Well let’s not waste any time and get in.” He takes off his shirt, exposing his abs and leaving him in just his swim trunks. You freeze upon seeing his upper half, his thin yet toned body is more beautiful than you could have imagined.

“No need to be shy around me Y/N. Here, let me help you,” He reaches towards you to help remove your cover-up, his eyes scanning your body as the cloth falls to the ground. The crisp air causes goose bumps to cover your skin, consequently, your nipples noticeably harden. Felix licks his lips, clearly enjoying the view in front of him.

“So beautiful...” he mumbles to himself.

“What was that Lixie?”

Lixie? That was the first time he heard you call him that, the new nickname makes his heart flutter.

“Ah nothing... Let’s get you warmed up Y/N.” He takes your hand and leads you into the tub, watching you carefully to make sure you don’t slip. You sigh in relief as the warm water covers your chilled body. Felix follows in behind you, you take note of the slight bulge in his swim trunks. Once he’s seated he reaches over to you to pull you into his lap

“Come here baby girl, I’ll make sure you stay nice and warm.”

“You're too kind Felix,” you joke as you make yourself comfortable in his arms, trying to hide the blush on your face. Baby girl was a name you could get used to, especially if it was Felix calling you that.

You lean your head back against his shoulder, his arms wrapped around your torso, lightly grazing your underboob.

You both stay in that position for a bit, casually chatting about random topics and life in general. As the conversation continues you feel one of Felix’s hands slowly creep towards your core. You carry on with what you were saying, acting as if nothing is happening. You couldn’t reveal just how desperate you are for his touch just yet.

You readjust yourself on his lap, opening your legs slightly more for him, your ass feeling his very noticeable erection.

“How’s work been going for you baby girl? I know it was bothering you quite a bit last month.”

“Oh it still sucks, I feel like I can’t relax because I know how much I’ll have to do when I get back from this trip.”

“Is your boss still being a cunt?”

“The cuntiest.” You reply with an exasperated sign.

“That’s no good, why don’t I help you try to relax?” His hand moves to rest right on top of your crotch. Your body heats up with excitement, and you turn your head to bury it in the crook of his neck, placing a small kiss there.

“If you can actually take my mind off work, I will owe you forever.”

“Hmm... Do I have your consent?”

You look at his face with glassy eyes, “Yes, I trust you, Felix.”

He smirks, “Here’s what I want you to do, I want to sit up on the ledge right here.”

Curious of what he has in mind, you oblige, your brain too foggy with lust to overthink it. He helps lift you up to the edge, making sure you’re comfortable. The steam rising from the tub helps keep you warm.

He stands back and gently spreads your legs apart, the fabric of your bikini clinging to your folds, perfectly outlining your pussy.

“Wow,” he mumbles, his eyes now dark with want. He lowers his face to be eye level with your pussy, you can feel his warm breath on it.

“Y/N, are you ready to relax?”

“Felix, if you’re going to eat me out, I have to be honest, no guy has ever made me cum from oral.”

He chuckles “As cheesy as it sounds, I promise I’m not like the other guys, give me a chance please.”

“Please prove me wrong.”

And with those words, he starts to go to work. He starts by placing kisses on your clothed slit, the warmth from his mouth lingers every time he pulls away. You lean back on the ledge, eyes closed as you focus on all the sensations. He pulls your bikini bottoms to the side, giving you a long lick against your folds. He places more kisses on you, teasing you with slow delicate motions.

You’re quick to be desperate for more, you put your hands in his hair and pull him closer to your core.

“So needy already...” He tsks. “Why don’t you take your bottoms off for me so I can properly touch you.”

You nearly jump out of your bottoms, not wanting to waste any time with his mouth not on your pussy.

He readjusts himself, placing kisses on your inner thigh before stopping right at your entrance, “Is this what you want? Do you want me to kiss right here?”

“Please Felix,” you beg, pulling his head towards you.

“Whatever you want baby girl.”

He kisses your slit before attaching his mouth to your clit and gently sucking on it. You throw your head back in pleasure, his mouth finally reliving the pressure that’s been building up down there.

He continues to suck on your sensitive bundle of nerves, slowly getting more aggressive with his technique. He then slides a finger into your pussy, your warm walls immediately sucking him in. You’re so slick with arousal that his finger slides in and out with ease, you can hear the wet sound of your pussy over his slurping.

“Oh so good Lixie, don’t ever stop...” you moan out. He adds a second finger into you, scissoring his fingers to stretch you out. He has everything down to a perfect science, the timing of his fingers with the timing of his tongue over your clit is impeccable.

He starts to slow down his thrusts with his fingers, you groan as he pulls them out of you, disliking the empty feeling. He removes his mouth from you so he can lick his fingers clean.

“You taste so fucking amazing Y/N, I need more.”

He drives right back in, eating you out like his life depends on it.

Your hands pull his hair and your thighs tighten around his head. The amount of pleasure he receives from your thighs nearly suffocating him is unimaginable. You use the grip you have in his hair to pull his face even closer to your body, his nose pressing up against your clit. You grind against his face as he licks and sucks on you. He lets out deep moans as you practically ride his face, sending vibrations straight to your core.

“Lixie... I think I might actually cum,” you pant out, sweat covering your brow.

He only responds by moaning back into your pussy, his hands gripping your thighs hard.

You can feel it, that precious build-up within your lower half, you can feel your high almost there. You’re so damn close.

He puts his two fingers back in, the feeling of fullness is what brings you to your high. You twist and pull at his locks as your eyes squeeze tight. Your whole body shakes with pleasure and your thighs wrap even harder around his head. You feel like your breath is being squeezed from your lungs as you moan out, welcoming the best orgasm of your whole life. Felix never stops for a second, determined to help you ride out your orgasm for as long as possible. Your arousal runs down his face, coating his chin, he struggles to keep up with all the juices flowing out of you.

Once he feels the grip on his hair loosen and your thighs relax he starts to let up.

“Felix... I’m too sensitive...”

“Just 30 more seconds, you taste too good for me to let anything go to waste.”

He cleans you up with his tongue, and his hands rub your thighs as they shake from the sensitivity. He pulls away finally and you can see his face once again. His lips are puffy and covered with your wetness. You pull him out of the water to kiss his lips, enjoying the lingering taste of your pussy.

“I’m sorry I doubted you Felix, that was honestly the best orgasm I’ve ever had.”

His smile takes up half his face hearing that, “Come on Y/N I think you’re exaggerating.” He wipes his face with the back of his hand before carefully helping you put your bikini bottoms back on. He grabs your waist and pulls you back down into the water with him. The warmth of the water along with your orgasm has you feeling weightless, Felix holds you up against his chest as you let your feet float up.

“How are you feeling Y/N?”

“There’s not a thing I could care about right now.”

“That’s what I wanted to hear.”

“Oh but what about you, you didn’t cum.” You start to reach towards the waistband of his shorts but he stops you.

“Don’t worry about me, tonight is about you. Anyways, you said if I made you relax you would owe me forever. So... did I make you relax?”

You place a playful kiss on his cheek, “How about you meet me back here tomorrow at the same time and I’ll make it up to you.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

[amysubmits]

My dad and I walk into his primary care office. The receptionist is busy. My dad sits down. I stay waiting to sign him in. Once she has time to look up, I start to tell her my dad’s name and appointment time “I know who you guys are” she smiles and waves towards the chairs, telling me I can sit down. 

This starts me thinking about how she ‘knows’ me. Not in the literal sense. 

This is the only doctors office in town. I’ve come here almost my whole life. Half my family sees this same doctor. I think this receptionist has worked here my whole life....she’s been here as long as I can remember, anyway. This is a small town. So of course she “knows me” in a way.

As we wait, there’s two men with a tractor wrapping the street lights with Christmas lights. Thanksgiving just passed, so it’s officially Christmas season. I was in this same waiting room last year when they decorated for Christmas. I’ve spent too much time in waiting rooms these last few years. 

The receptionist knows I’m here for my dad. That’s who she knows me to be these days. The woman who is always accompanying her father to his appointments. 

At first I think about how the ‘me’ she knows is false. Then I reconsider. It’s not false, really - it’s just incomplete. 

This “role” that I’ve assumed the last few years is me, and it isn’t. It’s me because this is what I feel is right to be doing right now. I feel strongly that this is the right thing for me to be doing. CD agrees, too. Yet, in a certain perspective, it’s taken a lot away from CD and I. We’ve sacrificed a lot...some of it is less time together, and for a while it was a lot less privacy. But most of all, it’s emotional energy. It feels like it takes a little bit away from who we are even during the easier phases - during the chaotic ones, it turns us into robots who are just trying to get through each day.  

Our D/s thrives most when we are focused quite a lot on each other, and when we don’t shy away from emotional labor. That’s our favorite versions of ourselves....the ones who are able to be focused and present in our D/s very regularly. When I’m not able to focus on CD or prioritize our intentional dynamic as much as I’d like, I miss it, and I miss myself, almost? I miss that version of me. 

A while back we had added in a couple of new daily rules. I had said something to CD about how it felt nice to have more rules again. He asked why, and I wasn’t able to explain very well in the moment. I think it’s got a lot to do with my mental presence. Having to remember multiple things to do each day for our D/s helps keep my mind on our dynamic, which requires more thoughtfulness/presence and assists my headspace. It isn’t always practical, though. 

When it’s not, I’m grateful to have a partner who shares so many important values with me, and a dominant who understands that our dynamic has to be flexible to survive the real world. `It’s powerful and comforting to see us stretch and bend to accommodate the things that life throws at us while holding onto the things that matter most to us. 

---------------------

This sat as a draft for over a year. 

This morning I was in the same waiting room, and I realized the Christmas decorations were already up. I wasn’t sitting in the waiting room when the town was decorated this year. It reminded me of this draft I wrote last year. I was visiting the PA today.  as I was waiting to checkout the doctor (the one who was my dads, and who is usually mine) came out of a patient room. “Hey! How are you??!” she said on spotting me. While she’s my doctor, she only reacts to seeing me because she saw me so much when assisting my dad. 

I’ve spent a lot less time in waiting rooms this year. I’m not the woman who accompanies her dad to doctors appointments anymore. I’m the woman who is - after many months - still figuring out what life looks like without my dad in it. It’s hard in a way that I couldn’t begin to put into words. I think it’s just one of those things you can’t understand until you’ve been there. And when someone’s been there - they get it, so you don’t need to explain. 

Anyway - despite that heavy loss, we’ve had a lot of really good things happen this year, too. We’ve had more time to focus on ourselves. We’ve both grown a lot. Lots of self-discovery and growth. The last paragraph from my original draft holds true in good times, too. 

[multisfabulis]

Only Through Acceptance Will Love Find Us

Changes on the Horizon (Chapter 4)

Word Count: 4179

It's been over 7 months since I last updated this fic and it had to be a chapter that has given me the most trouble to write thus far!

I genuinely don't know why writing this had to be so much of a struggle. The rough draft was fine, for the most part! When it came time for the rewrite portion, I just couldn't be satisfied with anything I'd written for it, even after 3 or 4 rewrites. It got so bad that I ended up asking my beta reader/friend for help because I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong and I wanted their input on this to see if they had any suggestions. Then something akin to a miracle happened; I managed to find inspiration from an unlikely source (which I shan't divulge because it is NOT something I want to discuss on a public forum) and I was finally able to write to a degree I was both content with and found quality in. I still struggled with other parts later on but they weren't nearly to the severity the beginning was.

I don't know when the next chapter will be or whether I'll have just as much trouble with it as I did this but it'll be sometime next year! At least I can say I updated this fic more this year than I did last and that's good enough for me.

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     Several hours passed before Ven felt brave enough to open the front door. Her eyes scanned the area for any signs of Renard, hoping she wouldn’t catch a glimpse of blond hair or white clothing. He was sure to be angry with her, enraged even. People like him never took rejection well, especially after being humiliated in such a degrading fashion like he’d been. There was no telling what he might do to her upon seeing her again, which scared the utter shit out of her.

     It was only a kiss. A kiss, something she considered to be far better than whatever else he had planned for her. Yet knowing that did nothing to help calm the anxiety roiling in her stomach. The scene kept replaying over and over again in her head, forcing her to recall each and every disgusting detail. The way his body felt atop hers, how his eyes looked when they met her gaze, the warmth of his breath as their lips were about to touch, it…it made her sick.

     What was she supposed to have done? Should she have tried to fight him off or let him have his way with her? Was living in fear of retaliation better than living with the shame and guilt of allowing him to do that to her? Could she have done something differently to avoid either outcome? What was the right answer here? Was…was there even a right answer?

     She wanted to bash her head against the nearest wall. What was the point in asking herself all these questions? No amount of what-ifs, could haves, and should haves would change what happened. The only thing she could do now was learn from it. Ready herself so she wouldn’t be caught off-guard again. That meant keeping her dagger on her at all times just in case.

     Her mother wouldn’t be home for another few days yet so Ven was determined in holding the fort down until then. Once Mother made a safe return, they would pool their money together and leave Belleurseul at first light. She didn’t know where they would go but anywhere was better than staying here.

     For now, however, she had pets to feed. She walked out to the stable with tentative strides, peeking over her shoulder every so often to see if Renard was waiting for her when she looked back. Thankfully, she reached her destination with little to no issue and she was able to breathe a sigh of relief.

     The animals brayed and clucked at her arrival. She gave them all a smile as she filled one of the troughs with hay for the cows and sheep to munch on before turning around to scatter seed for the chickens. They dug in straight away, acting as if they’d never been fed a day in their life while Ven took the liberty of refilling their water. Then she sat on the stool Mother often used when she’d milk the cows and watched them eat. At least they were happy.

     It wasn’t long before her mind began to wander. What was she going to do about Renard? Dealing with him herself was out of the question since he could easily overpower her if she made any attempts to fight back. That left asking someone for help but who would want to help her in bringing the golden boy of Belleurseul down? That wasn’t even taking into account whether or not anyone would believe her in the first place. She’d be inviting hell to come to her doorstep if she came out about this. Was this what they called being stuck between a rock and a hard place?

     Maybe a walk was in order. A dusky stroll around the woods might do her some good, help clear her mind of things. So she quietly stepped out from the stable and made her way towards the forest that surrounded her house. It may have been stupid to go traipsing through the place so close to nighttime but she knew nothing dangerous lurked in there. She would be all right.

     The sky was streaked with shades of red, orange, and violet as the setting sun cast its golden rays across the land. She walked through the woods with leaves of similar color crunching beneath her feet and a chill beginning to seep into her bones. Some of the trees had already lost their dressings with the coming of winter, which meant the others were sure to follow not long after. She and Mother would need to start stockpiling food soon if they were to survive while on the road.

     Memories of the time she spent here flooded her mind. She remembered how she’d crawl into bushes or climb up trees to hide from imaginary monsters and how she’d dig into the mud after it rained to find and catch worms to bring home. Then there were the days where Mother played with her when she felt well enough to do so and hadn’t had work to do. Those Ven looked back on fondly. She was really going to miss this forest when she and Mother left.

     There was one spot in particular she’d hate to leave behind. Other people would regard it as nothing special but not her. To her, it was her safe space, her home away from home. It was a place she could go to for some peace and quiet when life became too much for her to handle sometimes. She wasn’t sure if there’d be anything like it again outside of Belleurseul. Knowing her luck, the universe would take it away from her just as she found it so she wasn’t feeling optimistic.

     Her heart stirred upon arriving at a familiar clearing. What greeted her first was the hill with its tall grass that stopped at her knees as she passed through. Then it was the climb up to the top of the hill. Awaiting her there was the rolling countryside bathed in light and the multicolored expanse looming above it. Seeing that in all its glory always brought about a sense of wanderlust, a desire to go and explore everything the view had to offer. This was why she loved coming to this place.

     She sat down amid the grass, basking in the fading sunlight. The wind ruffled her hair and clothes as she drew her knees up to her chest to keep herself from shivering in the cold. The sight was as beautiful as always to behold. Yet looking far off into the distance did little to quell her mind.

     What laid beyond Belleurseul’s walls? What was the world like outside the confines of her cage? It all seemed so grand and vast to her that she wondered if she’d ever see only a fraction of what there was. She longed for the call of adventure, yearned for it with every fiber of her being. However, there was one thing she wanted more than anything else, something she coveted with her very soul. When would they finally come into her life to rid her of her loneliness? When?

     Her gaze wandered over to a lone dandelion standing beside her. She thought it strange to find one blooming out of season here, especially with it being so close to winter and all. It was then she remembered an old superstition she heard about them way back when she was a child. If one were to blow the seeds off it, it would make their dreams and wishes come true. It never worked for her in the past but she had the urge to try it again, if only for nostalgia’s sake.

     Plucking it out from the ground, she held it up to her face. Was she really going to do this? Was she really going to rely on an old fairy tale to help bring her happiness? God, it sounded so stupid, so childish, so embarrassing to trust in something like this but it was the only thing she had left at this point. So, with reddened cheeks, she closed her eyes and made her wish.

     ‘I wish to meet my prince.’

     Thus the seeds were scattered to the wind, carried off in the direction of wherever it blew to. She watched them vanish from sight, hoping someone out there in the great beyond heard her and granted her wish. Maybe, just maybe, this was the way to go about it. Only time would tell if it worked or not.

     Then there was what sounded like clattering behind her. She hastily rose to her feet, her hand going straight to where she had her dagger sheathed on her thigh. Her heart pounded in her ears at the thought of facing Renard again but she wasn’t planning on going down without a fight. She would scar the bastard right where it hurt the most so everyone knew of what he had done. She waited in anticipation for his arrival, her eyes trained on the opening she walked out of not too long ago.

     However, her would-be intruder wasn’t Renard. It was Dahlia, trotting out of the forest with Mother’s cart still attached to her. There was still cause for concern, though, when her rider appeared to not be in the driver’s seat controlling her. That sent alarm bells ringing throughout Ven’s head.

     “Dahlia?” She stepped forward to hold Dahlia’s face in her hands. “Dollie, what happened? Where’s Mother?”

     The horse only pushed her muzzle closer to her. It was times like these Ven really wished animals had the ability to talk. Quick glances over at the cart revealed mud caked on the wheels and marks resembling scratches along the sides of the wood. Were they attacked by a pack of wild animals on the road? Whatever the case may be, she needed to get to the bottom of it.

     Detaching the cart from Dahlia, Ven climbed up on her saddle and ordered, “All right, girl, take me to where Mother is! Quick!”

     With that, Dahlia galloped back in the direction she came from. Ven’s mind raced a thousand miles a minute as they hurried to wherever Mother was, wondering just what happened to her yesterday. It couldn’t have been anything good, judging by the marks left on the cart. Still, now wasn’t the time to be thinking of the worst-case scenario. She needed to remain calm and focused on finding Mother. She was going to bring her home safe and sound, despite her intrusive thoughts saying otherwise.

     Night descended upon them right when they reached yet another forest shrouded in darkness. Dahlia slowed to a walk as she sniffed along the ground in an attempt to find and track Mother’s scent. Wolves howled in the distance, scaring Ven more than she had been previously. So they were the ones responsible for attacking the cart, she thought with a grimace as her grip on the reins tightened ever so slightly. Suddenly, the horse let out a whinny and broke off into a trot.

     It was a short time later they stumbled across it. A large castle with a moonlit veil stood before her, everything except its shape obscured in shadow. She could just barely make out its arched windows set in the walls above and the chiseled stonework that gave this building its form. She would’ve doubted Mother being here if it weren’t for the odd lack of sentries keeping watch at the front gate. A noble wouldn’t leave their home unguarded for no reason, right? Was it possible then Mother took shelter here, believing it to be empty?

     Slowly but surely, they walked through the gate. Shivers ran up her spine at the idea of entering this creepy place alone but she wouldn’t be deterred. She came here with a goal in mind and nothing was going to stop her from returning home with Mother in one piece. Climbing off of Dahlia, she approached the set of heavy-looking doors that laid up ahead of her. When a couple knocks earned her no response, she decided ‘to hell with it’ and headed inside by herself.

     She stepped into what she presumed to be a foyer. The door slammed shut behind her with a loud thud and she nearly jumped out of her skin in fright. She waited for servants to accost her, question her on who she was and what she was doing here in the middle of the night. Yet no one came, leaving her to wonder if the castle truly was abandoned or if she had just caught a lucky break. Either way, it certainly made it easier for her to try finding her mother in this place. Steeling her nerves, she ascended up the grand staircase.

     “Mother?” she called out, her voice bouncing off the walls and high ceiling. “Mother, are you here?”

     No answer. Whether that was good or bad, wasting time around here wasn’t going to prove anything. She stopped upon reaching the landing and looked up at the darkened hallways on the second floor. She didn’t want to be here longer than was necessary so picking the right way to go was key. Deliberating on it for a few moments, she chose to search the east wing. Her footsteps echoed all throughout the room as she climbed the stairs and entered the left corridor.

     She was terrified. She wasn’t one to believe in ghosts and such but the creaking of wood underfoot, noises she could swear were whispers, and the feeling of eyes drilling into her were making her think otherwise. The suits of armor she’d occasionally pass by didn’t help matters, either. Still, she continued onward, determined to be brave in the face of potential danger.

     “Mother? Mother, are you here?” She turned round a corner and found herself in another dark hallway. “Mother, if you’re here, please answer me. I…I need you to say something.”

     “Oh, are you with miss Ravavyre?” a voice replied to her left.

     She stopped dead in her tracks. There weren’t any doors she recalled walking past so who did that voice belong to? She looked in the direction of where it came from, spotting a lone candelabra sitting atop a nearby table. Nothing seemed to suggest the presence of another person but she was sure she didn’t hallucinate that.

     Retracing her steps, she answered, “…Ye-yes but who are you? I ask that you show yourself.”

     “I’m over here, miss!” They sounded closer but she still couldn’t see them.

     She decided to approach the small end table. There wasn’t anything on it to indicate someone was talking to her through it, like a loudspeaker or a similar device, yet she was sure this was where she heard it from. Then it hit her. Was the candelabra itself speaking to her?

     “H-hello?” she quietly called. She waited for an answer, something to prove to her she wasn’t crazy. Nothing happened. “Of course, what was I thinking? Random inanimate objects don’t speak, Ven, what were you---”

     The candelabra sprung to life and excitedly replied, “Hello, miss!”

     She screamed as she jumped backward and fell to the floor. Okay, scratch what she was thinking earlier, she had to be going mad because there was no way in hell a candelabra just talked to her. It hopped down from the table and started making its way toward her with its wicks brightly lit. She needed to run, hightail it outta there, but she was frozen. Crap, crap, crap!

     “Calm down, miss, you’ve nothing to be afraid of!” it said, waving its arms in a motion that was meant to be nonthreatening. “It’s all right, I won’t---”

     Remembering her dagger, she whipped it out from its holster and pointed it in the candelabra’s direction, ordering, “Stay right there! Don’t come any closer!”

     “All right, all right!” It did as it was told, keeping its arms up. “Listen, miss, my name is Fria, okay? You’re looking for your mother, who happens to be miss Nithenoel Ravavyre, correct?”

     She eyed him suspiciously. He knew who her mother was and he didn’t seem to be harboring some hidden agenda or ulterior motive. After having her dagger trained on him for a few moments, she breathed out a sigh and dropped her hand. He had information she needed so she had to play ball with him. The second he tried anything, though, she wouldn’t hesitate to punt him across the room.

     “Yes, that’s her,” she answered, sheathing her dagger. “I apologize for my rudely behavior, I’m not used to talking candles and---”

     “It is quite all right, miss,” he assured her with a smile. He hopped up to her and took her hand between his to kiss it. At least he was a gentleman, if nothing else. “Would you like me to take you to her? I’m sure she’d be quite happy to see you.”

     Forgoing any pretense of subtlety, she said, “Yes, please, I…I was so worried when our horse came back home without her and I just wanna know if she’s okay.”

     “Aside from some minor injuries, she is all right, I promise.” Fria turned away to face the darkness up ahead. “Come, follow me. I’ll take you to where her room is.”

     “R-right!” She rose to her feet and fell in line behind him. “Thank you, Fria, you have no idea how much this means to me.”

     “It is all well and good. By the way, might I ask you for your name?”

     “It’s…Venlithea but I prefer to be called Ven.”

     “Ah, pretty name for a pretty girl.”

     The corners of her mouth curled up into a tight smile. He only said it to be nice, not because he actually meant it. Besides, even if he did, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to take it as a compliment after the day she’d had today. Renard thought she was and that turned out so well, didn’t it? So she decided to just brush it off as she followed after Fria down the long corridor.

     The glow from the candlelight made venturing through this a little easier, which she was grateful for. She could see windows that were as tall as the ceiling with their curtains drawn to her left and large portraits hanging on the wall to her right. The people shown in them were from a family she didn’t recognize and their name didn’t ring any bells in her memory. What were they like? They had to be interesting folks if they had someone like Fria as one of their servants.

     “So, tell me, miss Ven--” Fria started, breaking Ven out of her reverie-- “how did you find your way here? I’m curious to know if you happened upon us by accident or if you knew of us beforehand.”

     “Oh, no, I didn’t know anything about this place. When Dahlia, the horse I mentioned earlier, came home without Mother, I simply asked her to take me to where she was and I guess she tracked her scent and led me here. This is actually my first time ever leaving home so this is all new to me.”

     “Ah, I see. I must say, you’re very brave for going through that dark forest all by yourself. At your age, no less!”

     She resisted the urge to trickle some bite into her words as she corrected him with, “You appear to be mistaken, Fria. I only just turned 18 a few months ago so I’m not as young as you believe me to be.”

     “Ah, I apologize, miss. Regardless, I commend you for your effort. It must not have been easy for you.”

     They fell silent shortly before arriving at their destination. The anticipation was killing her as Fria knocked on the door several times to see if the person they were here for was behind them. A voice that sounded similar to Mother’s answered and he announced he had a visitor with him. It was at this point Ven couldn’t wait any longer. She took hold of the handle and swung it open.

     The first thing she saw was her mother, who was in the process of getting out of a king-sized bed. Then her eyes laid on the bandages wrapped around her arms and the parts of her legs that were left bare. Her clothes were different from the ones she was wearing yesterday and her hair was tied back into a singular ponytail as opposed to the usual four braids. Finally, there was the simple cane she grabbed on to help her stand as her eyes widened in surprise at Ven.

     “Thea, when did you---”

     “Mother!” She all but tackled her into a tight hug, burying her face in her chest. “God, I was so worried about you! When Dahlia came back home alone, I thought you had---”

     “It’s all right, sweetheart, I’m okay.” She felt Mother return the hug with just as much strength as a hand stroked her back. “It’ll take a lot more than that to knock out this old woman.”

     Tears sprung to Ven’s eyes as Mother let out a hearty laugh. Having her in her arms again like this after worrying over whether she was dead or not caused the dam she’d been building since Renard’s assault earlier to burst. Sobs wracked through her body as she cried like a child in her embrace, much to her mother’s bemusement. She needed this, especially with everything that happened today.

     Pulling away to dry her tears, Mother asked, “Did you really miss me that much, Thea? I said I’d be back!”

     “...Yeah, I did,” Ven replied, hoping she didn’t hear the hesitation in her voice.

     “Well--” she wiped away another tear as she chuckled-- “I know I shouldn’t say this but it does warm my heart to see how much you love me.”

     Ven choked back a laugh. She hated lying to her mother but she couldn’t bear having her know the truth. She’d feel so guilty for leaving her there alone to be taken advantage of and that was the last thing Ven wanted. They just had to pool their money together, then they’d be gone from Belleurseul sooner rather than later. They wouldn’t have to put up with Renard ever again.

     Their happy reunion was briefly interrupted by Fria telling them Ven was free to stay the night and dinner would be served shortly. There was just the matter of letting the Master know about the new guest but Fria was able to ease their fears with assurances of him being fine with it. The Master, known as Ferreth, seemed like a decent enough person if he allowed her mother to stay here free of charge. Ven wanted to thank him for taking care of her before the day was over.

     Still, today was…a lot. The pain of losing her dear friend still lingered but having her mother there to comfort her made it easier to handle. They were planning to return home tomorrow so as to not be a burden on the people living here. They were the kind to not overstay their welcome. As much as she dreaded the possibility of facing Renard again, she’d be brave and prove she wasn’t scared of him. She would just need to act the hell out of it.

     Tonight, she would rest. Reality could wait.

[yoonieper]

Some of these asks are making me cackle. Director dominate jungkook 😭😭 LMFAO. That’s a good one but I do agree. He has yet to experience things romantically and sexually. He’s suffered in his loveless marriage for too long 😔 Picking himself back up will be hard but I know he has good people around to support him, he just needs to let them in. Weren’t his parents also in an arranged marriage? They probably are stuck on the idea that they’ll eventually learn to live with each other without being in love and poor jungkook is a hopeless romantic. I know his brother was originally supposed to take over his current position hmmm they don’t seem too close since we haven’t had any scenes where they call to catch up etc. I know jungkook didn’t mind taking the position at the company but maybe it’s because that’s the only life he really knew, following and doing what his parents wanted of him. I do hope his parents help him out and see how much damage has done on their son. Y/n really is the light in his life so I hope he holds onto her and I hope she doesn’t give up on him. Their relationship is so special and vulnerable.

And I am on team who believes yuri has been cheating since day 1. That girl hasn’t put any effort in and expects everything to be handed to her on a silver platter. Why does she enjoy torturing jungkook so much? If she doesn’t know why she married or is still putting up with him why doesn’t she bring up leaving him and divorce? Why continue to stay if he “annoys” her so much? I need her to experience karma, she’s such an icky character 🥴 Y/n is much more classy, smart, confident, and beautiful than she is. I want jungkook to smile more and I want him to seek out Namjoon so I can finally swoon over Dr. Joon in glasses (he’s my bias if you couldn’t tell hehe).

Q: Since you have the chapters written out already, have you changed anything significant in the plot or added different scenes to the chapters? I know a writer’s mind is always changing once new ideas pop up so I wanted to see what your thought process looks like.

I won’t comment too much about most of this since all will be revealed in due time, but AHHH this was fun to read, I love long speculative post like this! Also jsksjsksksks with Dr. Joon, I’m excited too 🙂‍↕️

But to answer your question something MAJOR changed when I was still writing these chapters. I can’t really talk about it now because it deals with things in the future upcoming chapters but there was one important element to the story that I was indecisive about that became cemented once I moved closer and closer to it. Again I can’t talk about it right now but after the end of this arc I can kinda get into it! Oooo, I think I can say that I started writing the prologue back in 2020, and there was some changes to it over the years but it relatively stayed mostly the same, however I actually had two different drafts for part 1 that I originally started soon after! For the longest time I couldn’t figure out how I wanted to structure this story. I managed to get a couple k in then I was like sumn about it feels off before it was I think the end of 2022 that I finally decided to scrape it and change the structure entirely. Once again I can’t get into the details cause it would spoil the story completely but trust I will come back to this!

I can answer your question a little better with some changes to scenes! So typically how I write is I do very VERY rough first drafts to start with. I try and work in as many details as I can but if it’s not coming to me at the time I move on. Once the first draft is complete I then enter into the editing stage of what I call “putting meat on its bones” and working on the details I missed out on. Idk why but I find it easier to come up with those details when I don’t have the burden of finishing the story/chapter. This usually involves just adding the little details that make the story a little more lifelike. Then we move onto more traditional editing where I get into the grammar and making sure it actually reads well. I’ve been editing these initially chapters of For the Birds for over a year, but I’m only now having betas read through the chapters and give their feedback. Based on their comments sometimes I’ll make more drastic changes to scenes and sometimes add whole additional scenes, usually based off the notion that I just couldn’t figure out what a scene was missing based on my own editing and with more options it’s easier to manifest that discontentment into changes I can make. Part 3 is a great example! That whole scene with late night meeting between Y/n and Jk ended up getting like 3k added to it by the time I was publishing because I wasn’t very happy with how it lead into the smut and my betas gave some very helpful advice that lead to 3k being added to the scene. Oooo and I can give a more recent example but in part 4 that convo between Jk and Yoongi had some small but notable changes to Yoongi’s advice he ultimately gave Jungkook that ultimately worked out better to what I wanted! OOO and something a bit more specific but that part in part 4 with Y/n detailing what happened in the days leading up to when Jk and her talk again wasn’t there a few days beforehand so thank you to the betas for the help 😌🫶🏽 It’s typically things like this that end up getting changed and added. Editing for me usually takes forever but I find it one of the most fun stages! Some of these changes are big, some are some but noteworthy, but usually if I’m not happy with I’m changing something. This arc especially went through what I would say the most changes as I was a little less sure of how I wanted it to be exactly told starting out, but I have a storyboard now detailing the most notable details of the future arcs and chapter planned far out so I think things like that will happen a lot less now! The story has certainly evolved since I really got into writing it but once again I’ll discuss more of those details later!

Hoped this answered your question anon and sorry I didn’t expect this to become so long 😭~

[onelonelystory]

1961

Why did we not bite her then? This hand feeds no one why do we shake it why do we let her put her bloodstained feet on our bloodied soil. She does not come in peace. Peace will not build her a higher throne. I want to bite the hand that starves. You become her hand. You shake it. Do you feel the weight of her stolen crown on your head? She does not come in peace. She does not come in peace. She does not come in peace.