#and today I could show that same kind of love to myself again

[wintrwinchestr]

an overture of indulgence (joel miller x f!reader oneshot) 18+

summary: it's been a long time since you've seen joel, and some things have changed, but a lot has stayed the same. namely, how quickly he can still get you on his knees for him, ready to show him exactly just how much you like what has changed about him.

warnings: 18+, smut, post-outbreak, jackson joel, d/s relationship dynamics, pet names (baby, babygirl, sweetheart, sweet girl, etc), body worship, belly kink, talk of weight gain, belly riding, m/f masturbation, lil bit of humiliation kink, lil bit of edging, reader is an adult but age otherwise unspecified, reader is shorter than joel and has hair long enough to grab, let me know if i missed anything :)

word count: 4.3k

a/n: just fuckin outing myself left and right these days huh. idk what came over me with this one. started this late last night and here it is now. belly enjoyers rise!!!!!!! nice comments/reblogs appreciated if you enjoyed <3 you can't kink shame me bc i like getting bullied so now what. also i avoided daddy kink for once in my life please clap. i know i’m spoiling y’all this weekend don’t get used to it.

divider by @saradika

“...Joel?!” you shout, your leisurely walking pace quickly turning into a hurried jog as you leave Tommy behind, making a beeline toward the man you would swear on your life is Joel Miller. A small handful of years ago now, he was kind of your boyfriend, kind of not, kind of something else more complicated and unlabeled, because who can afford to put a label on anything in times like these?

Joel’s head turns in your direction at the sound of his name, and as soon as you spot that crooked scar across the bridge of his nose, you’re certain it’s him.

“Holy shit, I can’t believe it,” you half-cry, throwing your weight into him as you wrap him in a tight embrace. He’s much taller than you, but you still managed to knock him off his balance a little. He envelops your whole body in one of his signature, all-encompassing hugs, and it’s like no time has passed at all.

The two of you had ended whatever it was you had on good terms, no hard feelings or animosity shared between you. It was just hard to maintain any kind of relationship in a world like this, and trying to nurture romance in the Boston QZ was much like trying to grow a rose garden in toxic, radioactive soil. You can put as much care and effort and something like love into it as you have in you, but the circumstances will just never allow it to reach its full potential. The end of your “relationship” was mutual, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Especially when he had disappeared one day without so much as saying goodbye.

When you had stumbled upon Tommy and a group of patrollers in the snowy forest outside Jackson just earlier today, you were alone, tired, and losing hope that this rumored safe haven even existed at all. You had heard crackles through the radio in the QZ about the community, and even though it sounded too good to be true, what else did you have to lose anymore? After months of travel and survival and pain and hunger, you’d never been so happy to meet a bunch of strangers in the woods in your whole life. You didn’t hesitate to get on the back of Tommy’s horse, and let him lead you to the sanctuary they spoke of.

As he was giving you a tour, proudly showing off their electricity, running water, fresh food, and clean houses, you had started to look forward to what the future may bring, for the first time in a long time. You could never have imagined you’d ever run into Joel again, that this is where he had ended up, of all places. And now here the both of you are, bodies pressed as tightly together as possible, breathing in each other’s familiar scents and never wanting to let go again.

Joel is the first to break the embrace, grasping your head in his large hands and frantically searching your face for any sign that he could be dreaming, that fate hasn’t really brought you back together again after all.

“Jesus Christ, it’s really you,” he breathes, and you swear his voice breaks just a little bit as he presses his lips to your forehead, closing his eyes as he does.

When he blinks them open again, he meets Tommy’s gaze, who’s standing quietly a few yards back from where you’re having your sentimental reunion. Tommy gives an understanding nod, and gestures that he’ll be waiting inside the community’s dining hall, gathering that whatever this is happening between his brother and some girl he only just met, he shouldn’t interrupt. Joel is grateful for many things today, one of them being the rekindled bond he has with Tommy, the other being how you somehow miraculously found your way back to him.

Small groups of other Jackson residents follow Tommy into the dining hall shortly afterward, and as the sun begins to set behind the mountains, Joel realizes it must be about time for dinner to be served.

He detaches his lips from your forehead, brushing some of your hair away from your face as he takes you in again. “You poor thing, must be starvin’ I bet,” he wonders aloud, giving you a sympathetic look.

“Kinda always am, just as a rule, but yeah,” you reply, trying to make light of your situation. Though, Joel doesn’t seem to find the humor in it the way you do.

“Long as you stay here, ain’t ever gotta worry about that again, that’s for damn sure.” He runs his tongue across his lips as he finishes his sentence, already knowing that whatever meal they’re serving tonight, it’ll be some of the most delicious food he’s had in a long time. He suspects you’ll feel much the same. “C’mon, let’s get you inside. Get you warm and fed for once in your life.”

–

Your heart, your stomach, your soul, all feel full as you relax into the comfortable couch in the living room of Joel’s cozy home. He wouldn’t even entertain the idea of you staying in an empty house all by yourself tonight, insisting that if you’d like some company while you settle in, you were more than welcome to his. He had let you spend as long as you wanted to in his shower, and he didn’t mind if there was hardly any warm water left by the time you were done. He sure as hell wasn’t paying the bill, and you deserved to feel truly clean. He can remember clear as day how he felt after his first Jackson shower, like he had stripped off a layer of grime he hadn’t been able to scrub all the way clean in twenty years. He had gone to Maria to get you some clothes and underwear while you were bathing, and set them silently on the sink counter for you to put on whenever you were done.

And now here you sit, feeling full and clean and satisfied and comfortable and safe, watching Joel stoke the logs in his fireplace as it casts the whole room in a honey orange glow. You take a moment to admire him while he isn’t looking, and even in the dim and flickering lighting, you can see he’s just as handsome as he was the last time you saw him. He looks older, with more gray in his longer hair and meat on his bones, the latter trait likely due to years worth of the hearty cooking you both indulged in tonight. He looks… good like this.

“It really is nice to see you again, you know. You look…” you start, not being able to help the way your eyes wander to his soft lower belly, the way it pushes taut against his tucked-in flannel shirt and just barely spills over the edge of his jeans.

He turns his head away from the fire to face you. You’re not very subtle in your staring, and he knows what you’re referring to right away. He huffs a light chuckle, trying to brush off the way he thinks you’re poking fun at him.

“I know, I know,” he acknowledges, placing a hand on his stomach. “Been tryin’ to get Maria to give me some more patrol shifts, see if I can get some of the weight off. But hey, you try havin’ three square meals a day for the first time in twenty some odd years, see what it does to you, huh?” He pivots his attention back to the fireplace, and he seems to turn his body further away from you on purpose, so that you can’t see the round profile of his tummy as much.

“No! No, it, um… It suits you. I was gonna say you look good, actually.” You’re quick in your reply, trying to make it clear that you didn’t mean to offend him, without letting too much on. 

He scoffs. “C’mon, you don’t gotta flatter me, sweetheart. I know I don’t exactly look the way you remember–”

“Joel, will you stop?” you interrupt, your voice laced with exasperation. “I’m being serious. Do I look like I’m making fun of you?”

He cranes his neck to look back at where you’re perched on the couch, and gives you a once over. “Guess not… Look a lil’ like somethin’ else, though, if I'm bein’ honest,” he says with a teasing smirk. And there he is again, the same quick-witted Joel you remember from back in the QZ.

You choose to engage in his banter, just to see where he’s going with it. “Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

He shrugs, beginning to mindlessly poke at the firewood again. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you look like you might like it.”

He’s just kidding around with you, trying to rile you up, you’re sure. But when he gets silence in return instead of the sound of you jumping to defend yourself with another playful jab, he turns to face you once more, and is met with your stunned expression. 

“Oh…” Joel looks down at himself, then back to you again, just in time to catch your eyes flitting from his middle back up to his face. “What, you like ‘em big, sweetheart? ‘S that it?”

The truth is, you do, you always have. It was never a requirement, of course, as the guys you’d been with before Joel all had varying body types. But you’d be lying to yourself if you said that your eyes didn’t linger just a bit longer on guys with a little more to them, with wider arms and thicker legs and a softer middle. You’ve never admitted your preference to anyone before, and Joel calling you out on it now has your face running hot, skin feeling prickly as he sees through you like you’re made of glass.

“I-I don’t– I mean, I do, kinda, but not like that… Well, it is like that, I just mean–” You stumble over yourself, fearing you’ve revealed too much, wishing you could rewind the conversation and just tell him it was nice to see him again, plain and simple.

Joel lays the fire poker down on the granite ledge of the fireplace, approaching where you’re sitting and cupping the side of your face with his calloused hand. 

“Sh, sh, stop, baby. ‘S alright if you do, nothin’ to be ashamed of,” he comforts, and it takes all the willpower you have left not to let your eyes drift down to his stomach, so close you could kiss it, if he’d let you.

“It’s just… I missed you. I thought about you all the time, wondered what ever happened to you after you left. Didn’t even know if you were alive until today. I’m just happy to see you… doing so well. To see that you’re healthy, and everything.” You swallow hard, hoping you sound convincing enough that he’ll let this go, forget all about your little admission just now. But of course, Joel is as stubborn as he’s ever been, and he doesn’t plan on releasing you from his trap now that you’re ensnared in it. 

“That’s sweet, baby, ‘s real sweet,” Joel says, softly, stroking his thumb across your cheekbone as he speaks. “Thought about you too, all this time. Practically every day…” He rakes his eyes over you, noticing the way his touch has you starting to melt already, how you’re looking up at him with your wide, needy eyes. “Why don’t you show me just how much you missed me, hm? How much you love seein’ me healthy, as you put it.”

You’re stunned into silence once again, jaw slack and pupils wide as you search his gaze for proof that he’s just messing with you, making fun of you just to watch you squirm. But you don’t find any.

“O-okay,” you agree in a half-whisper.

Joel smiles down at you, satisfied. “All these years later, still just the sweetest thing, ain’t you? You still just as obedient, too?”

You nod without even thinking, words catching up with your instinctual response a second later. “Mhm, yeah, I am…” You had forgotten how easy it is to submit to him, how good it feels to let the hypnotizing tone of his voice carry you somewhere far away from yourself, when you need it the most. Whether it was after a shitty day of working for shittier rations in the QZ, or after a harsh trek in harsher weather to a forested oasis, Joel always knows how to make you feel like submission is your most natural state. 

“Good… Kneel for me please, sweetheart,” he commands, and you obey immediately, his hand slipping from your face as you slide from the couch onto the woven carpet beneath you. Like second nature, your hands automatically fold themselves on your lap, remembering how you were never to touch Joel until he permitted you to. He takes note of this, and praises you accordingly. “Look at that, didn’t even have to ask. Such a good girl.”

He’s so enamored with you, he almost forgets where he was going with this until he watches your eyes flash to the growing bulge in his jeans, then back up to him. “Not tonight, sweetheart. Was thinkin’ you could put that pretty mouth to use on somethin’ different this time, hm?”

You knit your brows together, not sure what he means, but he doesn’t let you wonder for long. Slowly, he starts to unbutton his flannel shirt, starting at the top and working his way down. He tosses it onto the ground, then pulls his undershirt off over his head, adding it to the other discarded clothing. Without the confines of his slightly-too-tight button-up, you can see how much he really has filled out. Everything about his upper body is just a little more plush, with petal pink stretch marks adorning the soft skin in various places. You want to make it your personal mission to kiss each and every one of them, commit their exact coordinates on his body to memory.

There's a deep scar, you notice, to the left of his belly button, that has almost successfully disguised itself as one of those pretty marks. It’s definitely new since you saw him last, and it looks like it hurt, especially with the evidence of how crudely it had been stitched back together.

“What happened?” you wonder aloud, worried eyes glued to the healed injury.

He has to peer over the curve of his belly to see what you’re looking at. “Long story. Happened on my way out here, after I left Boston. Nothin’ for you to worry about, sweet girl, hardly even hurt. Forget it’s even there, most of the time,” he answers, still with a dominant edge to his voice that does a mostly good job of convincing you it’s the truth.

“Can… Can I?” you ask, waiting to receive his permission before you move your hands from your lap. 

“Yeah, baby, go ahead,” Joel allows. 

You reach out a small hand to gently trace over the raised scar, then press your lips to it with your hands splayed out on either side of your head, just barely pressing into his belly. He releases a soft groan, cradling the back of your head with one of his hands, applying the lightest amount of pressure to let you know this is where he wants to keep you. 

“Why don’t you keep goin’, sweetheart? Gimme some more lovin’ like that, know you wanna,” he encourages, and you think you get the idea now, what it is he wanted to put your pretty mouth to use for.

With his explicit permission to continue, you don’t need telling twice. You move your face to hover just in front of his belly button, admiring the dense salt and pepper happy trail that sprouts from where his jeans push into his soft skin. You drag your tongue along the hair, nipping at the soft curve of where it disappears into the divot in his stomach. He makes a noise in response, half pained and half pleasured, but he doesn’t stop you. Just for good measure, you place a kiss to the little blushing mark where your teeth had scraped him.

Almost of their own volition, it seems, your hands begin to knead at his stomach as you make good on your promise to yourself to kiss every single one of his stretch marks. You allow your tongue to dart from your mouth on the last one, and Joel sucks in a breath.

“Oh, fuck. Forgot how good that wet lil’ mouth feels on me, sweetheart. Keep goin’,” he says, voice coming out strained. His fingers curl tightly into your hair, and he begins to maneuver your face around his belly. You lave your tongue over his skin as he does, slicking him with wet, sloppy kisses. “Yeah, baby, you fuckin’ worship it, show me how much you like me like this.”

It’s a little humiliating, but just enough that you like the feeling. You’re breathing hard and fast, letting out little whimpers as your fluttering cunt begins to soak your underwear. He brings your face to a stop at the most tantalizing part of him, the part that truly evidences how much more he’s allowed himself to indulge since settling in Jackson. The ample curve of flesh that just barely conceals the waistband of his jeans, the part you’ve wanted to get your mouth on since you first saw how it strained the lower buttons of his shirt. You latch onto it, massaging the skin around it as you use your teeth and tongue to suck a mark into him.

A growl rumbles from deep in his chest, and he curses under his breath. “Like it that much, huh? Fuck, naughty thing, look at you.”

You’re so fucking turned on, you’re shivering, rocking where you kneel and squeezing your thighs together in an attempt to get some kind of relief. You let one of your hands drift to the hard shape in Joel’s jeans, and it seems he’s enjoying this as much as you are. He spots your pathetic little squirms as you rut against nothing, and then he’s using his grip on your hair to pull you up from the floor.

“Got an idea. Up,” he commands roughly, and you detach your lips from his belly to obey his order. “Get these off, there we go.” He pulls down your sweatpants and underwear, helping you step out of them. “Christ, you’re soaked,” Joel teases, eyeing the sizable wet spot in your panties as he tosses them aside to join the other forgotten clothing. He reaches a hand toward the apex of your thighs, teasing your wet pussy and gathering some of your slick on two of his fingers. You let out a tiny yelp, but let him play with you, and then he’s bringing his fingers in front of his face and examining the sticky strings of your arousal when he spreads them apart. “All this just from lettin’ you worship all this, huh?” he taunts, patting his stomach once for emphasis. “Who’d’ve thought? Not that I’m complainin’...”

He quickly rids himself of his jeans and briefs, then reclines onto the couch with a quiet groan, stretching out his body along the length of it. Your mouth waters at the sight of his cock, hard and leaking as it bobs against his belly, his precum adding to the dampness still there from your tongue. “Come sit, sweetheart,” Joel says, softly, motioning with both of his hands for you to come closer.

You grip a hand onto the backrest of the couch to balance yourself while you move to straddle him, prepared to sink down onto his length for the first time in way too fucking long. “Uh uh, not there, baby,” he instructs, smirking when he sees how you hesitate in confusion. “Take a seat right here for me.” Again, he pats that most tempting area of his lower belly, and you just about fall apart at the sight of how his flesh ripples in the wake of it.

“Yeah, there you go, good girl,” he praises, both hands gripping your waist as he helps you settle your weight onto his soft abdomen.

“I dunno, don’t wanna hurt you–” you start, but he cuts you off swiftly.

“You won’t, baby. I’m a big man, ain’t I?” he teases, flashing you a devilish and knowing smile. “Go on, sweetheart, ride it.”

You inhale a shuddering breath, then place both of your hands on his shoulders to hold yourself up. You start an experimental buck into his belly, and that trail of dark hair tickles your clit so perfectly. It takes a few tries for you to get the positioning and pressure just right, and then you’re truly riding him, using his full stomach to get yourself off while he watches. 

“God, that’s good. Use it, baby. You love me bigger, love that I’ve been eatin’ so good, prove it to me, c’mon,” Joel goads, and it spurs you on to grind against him harder, faster, as incoherent mumbles and curses tumble from your lips.

“Love it, Joel, you look so good, fuck. So fucking–mmh–so big, makes me so… so–”

“I know it does, sweet girl, I know. Makes you fuckin’ soaked is what it does, god damn. You gonna get my belly all messy, hm? Gonna rub your lil’ cunt all over it, get me all fuckin’ wet?”

“Uh huh, yeah, gonna… I’m gonna–” you whine, eyes shutting tight as your hips pick up their pace. You move your hands from his shoulders to place them on his stomach instead, grabbing at handfuls of his tummy in an effort to create something more solid to rub yourself against. 

You’re already embarrassingly close, the humiliating edge to your earlier worship having gotten you most of the way there on its own. So swollen and sensitive it almost hurts, you won’t need much more to reach your high.

“Not without me, you ain’t. Gonna be right there with ya. You remember how we used to do it?” Joel asks, as if you could ever forget. He’s referring to your many late nights, early mornings, in his bed or in a back alley or wherever in the QZ, where he liked to make sure you both finished at the same time. You’d always be the first one to reach the edge, because he’d focus all his attention on getting you there before him, just to make you wait. It was never something punishing, just something he liked to do as an extra bit of control and dominance, and he knew it always made your orgasms that much more powerful and satisfying when he would finally permit you to let go.

With your eyes closed, so focused on your own pleasure, you hadn’t noticed that he had reached behind you to start fisting his cock some time ago. But you can hear it now, the wet schlick of his hand moving up and down his shaft as he works himself. “Hold it for me, sweetheart, I know you can. Keep rubbin’ your pretty pussy against me, jus’ like that, almost there…”

You mewl, screwing your face up as you force yourself to slow down your thrusts, muscles tense as you try to keep your orgasm at bay for as long as you can. 

Thankfully, he must be worked up enough from seeing you fall apart for him so easily for the first time in so long, that his permission comes just a few minutes later.

“Come for me, babygirl, soak my fuckin’ belly, c’mon,” Joel growls, and you fall forward immediately, twitching and spasming and crying out into the soft muscle of his shoulder as you ride out the shuddering shocks of your orgasm. He groans next to your ear as he comes, and you can feel the warm ropes of his own release as some of them land on your lower back. You’re both wet, heaving messes, as you embrace each other for the second time today and work on catching your breath.

So exhausted from the day you had, you must’ve fallen asleep against his chest as you laid there, because then you’re being woken up by the dull scratch of his fingertips against your scalp and his familiar voice working its way through the thick fog that clouds your tired brain. 

“You alright, baby?” he asks, and you can hear that he’s smiling, amused at this sleepy little thing he’s got clinging to him.

“Mhm, jus’ tired,” you answer, a barely-there mumble of a sentence.

“I’ll bet… You wanna get cleaned up? Get all tucked into bed?”

You shake your head against his neck, and he chuckles.

“No? Whatcha wanna do then, hm?”

“Jus’ lay here. Missed you. Don’t wanna let… go…” 

Your sentence drifts off into silence before the temptation of sleep allows you to finish it, but Joel gets the idea. He smiles to himself, kissing the top of your head, and hugs you closer. Both of you are still sticky and damp, but satisfied. And together again. And that’s a hell of a lot better than the alternative.

So he agrees, and you stay like that for the rest of the night. Joel doesn’t worry about whether or not he remembered to set his alarm clock for his extra patrol shift the next morning, or if he’ll even hear it all the way from his bedroom upstairs, because it doesn’t matter anyway. He has you, and you made it very clear tonight just how much you like him exactly the way he is. 

Maybe, your rose garden can finally begin to bloom, now that the pair of you have somewhere safe and comfortable and healthy to try your hand at nurturing it again.

tag list: @beefrobeefcal @iamasaddie @rebel-held @dilfgestivo @zliteraturehoe @joeldjarin @kamcrazy123 @hellowoolf @rexamongthestars @stevie75 @luxurychristmaspudding @noisynightmarepoetry @mewantpeepaw @pedritoferg (if your name is crossed out, it won’t let me tag you!!)

[elordilover]

Hellooo ✨️ Could you write a friends to lovers walker x reader where reader plays walker's love interest ? Like everyone in the cast can see they like each other but them, and they get jealous when other people show interest in each other? Thank youu ❤️‍🩹

yess! thank you so much for the request!

“just friends”

pairing: walker scobell x fem! reader

summary: you play walker’s love interest in the pjo series, but is your romance just for the cameras?

warnings: none, not proofread, sorry if this is like my other friends to lovers with walker, it’s my fav trope i can’t help myself 💀

————————————————————————

“cmon just talk to him, everyone can tell you guys like each other!” dior told you.

“yeah i like him but he doesn’t like me i promise, we’ve had this conversation a million times already!” you told her.

“okay but the way he looks at you says otherwise”, she said, trying to prove her point. “Y/N i promise he does, i’ll ask him today”

“wait don’t”, you said quickly grabbing her phone, “don’t ask him, then he’ll know that i like him!”

“that’s the whole point Y/N! we are trying to set you up”, she protested.

—————

meanwhile:

“dude she likes you i promise”, aryan told walker.

“she could have anyone else, she would never date me”, walker said.

“i promise, just talk to her about it. you guys hang out all the time, aren’t you guys hanging out tomorow? just ask her then”, aryan said while putting this plan into action.

“no. tomorrows too early, maybe after the press tour”

“promise?” aryan said while he stuck out his pinky.

“promise.” walker said while bringing out his pinky and sealing the promise.

—————

it was the day after you and dior had the conversation. you were with walker right now, laying on his bed and talking, randomly showing each other tiktoks. he felt like home.

walker turned his head to look at you, “are you ready for all the interviews?”

“kind of. i’m excited to wear cute outfits, but not excited for dumb questions”, being this close to him game you butterflies. you could see his light freckles and the light pink flush on his cheeks. his beautiful blue eyes shined in the sun. you were sure your cheeks were bright red.

“same, im excited to be back with everyone though” he said while looking right into your eyes.

“same!!”, you said excitingly, “i can’t wait to see aryan again he’s so funny”, you said.

“yeah…. he is”, walker replied seeming more distant, you didn’t know why though. he kind of seemed jealous because you mentioned aryan.

—————

it was the first day of the press tour, it was the pjo series premier. you got dressed with leah and dior in your hotel room, there was also hairdressers and stylists with you. you were wearing a beautiful blue gown, with lace sleeves. leah was wearing a beautiful gold and blue gown.

you guys met up with the guys before walking the carpet for interviews, walker was wearing a deep navy suit. it complemented his eyes so well. he looked beautiful.

—————

“how did your relationships grow during filming?”, the interviewer asked, she had long beautiful blond hair with a gold dress.

“yeah i definitely grew closer to everyone during filming, especially walker and aryan, since i was filming with them all the time. i consider them my best friends now, they are the funniest people ive ever met. and ive met the coolest people through filming this show”, you replied reminiscing on your filming experience.

“amazing. what was your favorite scene to film?”, she asked noticing how you kept looking toward the left, where walker was being interviewed.

“ummmmm”, you said trying to find and answer. you looked over to walker to find a familiar face. you saw the lights hit his face in a way that he looked magical. you could stare at that face forever. he turned his head and looked at you, your cheeks heated up immediately as he waved to you.

“my favorite scene to film was probably a scene in the last episode. i can’t spoil anything but it was definitely my favorite to film, you’ll guys will see soon!!”

“niceeee well we will let you go! you look beautiful tonight Y/N!”

“thank you! you do too!” you replied.

you walked to the left and walked past walker.

“Y/N!” he called out to you, “come here” you walked back over to him and he stretched out his arms to hug you.

“hey Y/N” the interviewer said, “there’s one question i’ve been dying to ask you both”

“hi! what is it?” you said as walker also said “okay, ask away”

“okay, are you guys sure there’s nothing going on backstage with you guys?” he asked.

“oh um”, you said nervously, you didn’t know what to answer, so you let walker,

“no, there’s not. we are best friends tho! but yeah we keep the romance on screen” walker answers while you nodded to his answer.

even though you guys weren’t dating, that hurt for him to say. it shouldn’t, but it does. you felt betrayed. there was really no reason for feeling this way.

“but are you sure you are “just friends”’ he asked again.

“we are sure, i promise”, you answered to give walker a break.

—————

it was a couple days after the premier, you till replayed walker looking at you and hugging you in your mind. you and the younger kids of the cast were hanging out.

“oh my god”, dior said while she was scrolling through her phone.

“what”, you all said in unison.

“i’m gonna send it, y’all have to see this”, she replied.

you picked up your phone and watched the tiktok she sent all of you. it was a tiktok using the clips from the premier shipping you and walker. your cheeks immediately flushed and you looked over at walker. his cheeks grew a light pink and he gave you an upside down smile.

“stop it right now”, aryan said while slightly laughing.

“i mean it’s a good ship”, walker said quietly while shrugging his shoulders.

“i mean yeah it is”, you agreed as you liked the video and saved it.

“i see these all the time, y’all are cute”, dior said while smiling ear to ear.

“they are!!” aryan agreed.

you looked over at walker and noticed how red his cheeks were, yours were too. maybe he did like you all this time….

————————————————————————

thank you for reading! feedback is appreciated!

*i will most likely write a part 2 for this so send in ideas for it!!*

🎀🪩🪞🛋️💌🖇️🥿🐞🌺🌎🫧🥒🫐🍦🥄🎱🩰

[liaswills]

Pick a card: What does this person want to say to you? ❤️

Good evening lovely darlings! I'm back with another Tumblr Tarot post- for the delusional girlies, this is another What would this person want to say to you? Particularly love focused! This could be a message from a S/O- or F/s/o or perhaps even a f/o! Depending on your degree of delulu, ofcourse. :)

Pick a pile! Use the pics underneath or go based on intuition. Thankyou! ❤️

Oh, love of mine. What wonders there are to be found when you look into my eyes. This is all poetic, truly, but in my soul, the deepest parts of it, I know that you'll still be hoping to come back to me. It is the way things are. I can't change it- even if I wanted to. I watch you. I see you. I hope you know I do believe in you- I love you. When I see tears on your cheeks, streaking like some porcelain beauty, some victorian soul, gauging at what is left of me, gauging at what the eye cannot see, I long to hold your hand, softly press a kiss to it and tell you all I have seen in you that you do not see. I would take you to my favourite spot, walk the whole way just to talk to you, I would tell you what I have been wanting to let you know- that no matter where I am, or what you do, or who we are, in our very souls, we are always one and the same. We are alike. Perhaps in spirit, personality, or maybe just in how we devote ourselves to spirituality, or God, but I know that I am yours if you will be mine. But you haven't been coming to me. You don't want to be mine yet. I know you think you do- but you're not ready for this. Neither am I. I have found myself trying to build what was left- to build a new. I have found I wanted to incorporate more of the old into my new life and therefore I am struggling to find my way to you- it will show some day but I will make time free. Free time for you. I promise you this. I fear some day, you may leave me entirely. Yet even when this happens, I'm but a cinder. I'm but a memory. A distant person you once knew. Distant eyes you once reflected upon, talked to, listened to, hoped for, wished and yearned. I'll not be the same because you won't either. We grow with one another. Tell me you love me. I need to know this. I need you to tell it straight to my face, to my memory, to my thought, to my soul, just think it. Think, say, breathe it. I will know when you do. Thank you for thinking of me today, I appreciate it.

You'll always be my true love, you know? ❤️

It's in his kiss, that's where it is. You can feel when I love you truly, baby, because I would kiss you like you've never felt before. I'd go as slow as you want, as sensual as I could ever be, as loving as I could try, I would do it for you. I know we don't know each other that well yet. We are new. But even if you know me for a long time, this feeling is new. We haven't been together before- not in other lives. I haven't loved you yet. This is new to me. I think we would fit together.... I am confused about it however. I'm not really sure what I want. I know, I am indecisive. But with you- it does feel right, it does feel... like I am a child again kissing his first crush. It feels this way- which is why I think it's important that we continue to communicate, about what you want, about what I want... it'll make this easier because I can't smell what is on your mind. I can sense your feelings, I am very empathic, but I don't know what you're thinking. And I have the feeling you're led by your thoughts, just as I am. We are horrible in listening to ourselves. Perhaps, I am better at giving you advice than I am for myself but in truth, it should be me who has to do the work and approach you, romance you, love you, not the other way around. You're so kind to me- this bamboozles the shit out of me because I am not technically seen as an approachable nice person, so your energy it really confuses me for that reason. Am I not repulsive? Do you not... want to run away from me? You're making my bad thoughts about myself resurface and dissolve all the same. When I think or look at you, even for a second, I just know that I am looking at something good. I know this is something to be cherished. Can I trust my own feeling however? I'm not too sure. I want you to know this. Just to make some clarification about where I am right now. I am not trying to push you away- nor do I want you gone AT ALL I need you and I want you by my side but I am just a torn up dunderhead. Forgive me?

"She's one of my favourite things." This is what I say when people ask about you. Hm, yes, I know. From me? You're surprised. I know some days you may think I don't know you, or don't like you, but I do, I like you a lot. You're my princess, in any fairytale that exists. And the divine to my subservient self. I'd worship you. Cherish you. Because, I know, that for you not to leave me, I have to step up and treat you well. I will be forthcoming, I will be consistent, and I will try to make your life as much of a priority as I will mine. It's not black and grey with me. It's quite clear with me. I want you to be mine. I need to marry you- some day or now. I do not care when. That's how serious I am. That's how real this feels for me. I don't need to figure this out by a 10 hour astrology research to compare my charts to yours. I don't need to figure out via a deity about what time you're going to call or text. I need to know just one thing- and that is that I can trust my feelings. I want you to trust yours. If you do- if you do feel for me, If you do cherish me, or even like me, or god above, if you even love me, if you could, that you won't break it hard on me. Do it gently. Tell me how you love me, and when you leave me, so I know it's easier. If you ever leave me, I would try to have you one more day. I really would. Not in spite or because I want some silly disgusting energy break up sex but because...I would just want to look at you, once more, see you, breathe you, just touch your hand perhaps, or even your hair, to just sit there and tell you nothing or a lot. But I wouldn't ever try to hurt you, I will never try to do this I just hope... perhaps... that you won't hurt me, all right? Can you do this for me? Can you do everything gently? (Except the sex, I don't need it to be gentle ok) but you get what I mean. My heart, my feelings, are much more tender than I can confess. I may look tough. I may be someone you think is tough- perhaps I am, maybe I am also that, but one word of you can silence me forever. Trust on that. So use your words well with me, it'll be better for both of us. Don't you think? I love you. ❤️

God speed your love to me. You thought this was going to be the romantic pile, didn't you? Hahahaha! Bitch please! I am your worst nightmare. Just kidding, I am just incapable of showing you the love you so desire and dream of. What is it with you and me? You like me obsessively. Trust me, your guides and I have been chatting away for a bit and you're.... well, let's just say, you're at wits end about me, aren't you darling? Hehe. I like when you're mad. Some days, I just think how lovely it would be if you'd be in my arms and I could just... have a peek at that lovely chest of yours. Too dirty? I understand. You think I'm a pervert. Honestly, darling, I do too. That's what I hide behind, mostly, truthfully, I'm disgusting myself sometimes, especially during those solo hours. You don't want to believe the things I've thought about you- oh my god. If my life's work and thoughts would ever get published, it would be the biggest event of all lifetime. The world would stop. The M25 would be in a traffic jam all fucking year- don't know why, but it would, wouldn't it? Say, I know you from somewhere... that's what I always say, I always begin with that. And then, I would transgress your interest and I would try and lure you into thinking of me. And when you're thinking of me, I am thinking of how you're hopelessly and desperately thinking of me and then I'll- you know, get creative thinking of you. Honey, what am I to you? Though? Like- can we be real? Am I your friend? Your lover? Your nemesis? Your teacher? Your mentor? What the fuck are we? I am so confused ! 🤣 You say things that literally bolder me off the side of the road and throw me right into the cut. Like can we pretend that for one day, you and I aren't you and I and then we can be delusional together in our own little world? You'd like that right? Well, I would too. I need to escape whatever the hell this is, or this life is, and then we can get coffee and a drink or two and you can tell me what we're going to do about this, about us, because I can't stop thinking how we are going to solve this or do this or just... how. Hm :) You look good. Just wanted to say that. Take some medicine when you feel bad, especially cramps. Take good care of yourself. I could write to you forever- know that. You can reach out to me.

[glorystark]

Empty eyes | Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean doesn't take Charlie's death too well and because of the Mark of Cain affecting him, he tells you things that will regret.

Warnings: moc!Dean Winchester, Dean being a dick, minor mentions of injury, swearing, ANGST, major character's death

Pairing: Dean Winchester × reader

Featuring: Sam Winchester

Word count: 2,3k

We watched in agony as Charlie's body, wrapped around a white sheet, burned in the flames. This should never have happened to her kind soul. She died so we could save Dean. I couldn't help but feel guilty; my heart ached because I lost a friend, again. I knew Sam felt the same. We both asked Charlie for help with the Book of the Damned, and we both lied to Dean about the book being destroyed. Now it was too late to make things right. Memories flashed through my eyes, making me tear up. I remembered when she helped us with the Dick situation, or when I taught her some hunter-kind-of-tricks. How happy she was and wouldn't stop thanking me. She didn't deserve this, anyone but her.

“Charlie,” Sam started, grabbing my and probably Dean's attention. “We are gonna miss you. You're the best.” He stopped when his voice cracked, and now I was sure he felt far worse than me because looking back, he suggested not telling Dean about the Book of the Damned not being destroyed, which I didn't agree with at first. But seeing Dean, my Dean, slowly fade away right in front of my eyes changed my opinion. Maybe it was selfish, me and Sam both were. But we couldn't let Dean become something he fears, a Monster. We couldn't lose another person, another family member, but we didn't realize who we were putting in danger on this path.

“We love you, Charlie, and I'm so sorry,” I said, blinking through tears.

“Shut up,” Dean said coldly, making Sam and me look at him. “You got her killed. You don't get to apologize.” He continued.

“Dean-“ Sam started, but Dean cut him off.

“You too, you two are the reason she is dead,” he said, not taking his eyes off the flames.

“We were trying to help you,” I said, still looking at him.

“I didn't need help,” he said bitterly. "I told you to leave it alone.”

“What were we supposed to do, just watch you die?” Sam asked, not letting me be the only one receiving the cold tone from his older brother.

“The mark isn't gonna kill me.”

“Maybe not, but when it's done with you, you won't be you anymore,” I stated. “Dean, you're all we got. So of course we were gonna fight for you because that's what we do,” I said softly.

“Yeah, she's right, we had a shot-“ Sam was cut off again by Dean.

“Yeah, you had a shot. Charlie is dead.” He finally turned his head to look at me and his brother, who was standing next to me. His dark emerald eyes bore into mine, and I couldn't recognize them. Never have I ever seen him look at me with those eyes. Because no matter how much crap we went through, he always made sure I was fine, and his eyes held nothing but sweetness and, on most occasions, worry. “Nice shot.”

“Are you even listening to me? You think I'm ever gonna forgive myself for that?!” I snapped, not being able to keep my voice down anymore. He is grieving, but so am I. If I could, I would trade places with her.

“You know what I think,” he started, still with the same voice tone. “I think it should be you up there and not her.”

I felt my heart break for the hundredth time today. I parted my lips, not taking my teary eyes off him, which clearly showed how hurt I was. Sam let out a small gasp and widened his eyes after he heard Dean's words, clearly not expecting his brother to go that far.

I knew he blamed me, probably even more than Sam. But knowing that he wanted me dead hurt more than any physical torture I've experienced.

Sam called his name, still shocked after what he heard, but his brother just walked away, breaking my heart more and more.

—————

It has been a week since I lost Charlie, since I lost my Dean. He has been searching for the Stynes ever since but has been having a bit of trouble finding their location. So meanwhile, he went on a few solo hunts. He hasn't said a word to me and to Sam, just a few like ‘buy some beers’ ‘did you find anything about the Stynes’.

He found another hunt for today and was packing his bag in his own room. We both haven't stepped in our shared room ever since the accident, which meant we weren't even sleeping on the same bed. I'm done with being ignored, so I knocked on his door and opened it without waiting for any response. He didn't even turn around, probably knowing it was me.

“Dean,” I called his name, not even knowing what I wanna talk about, but getting him to look at me was the first step. “Dean,” I called, this time louder, and when he still didn't turn around, I walked towards him and grabbed his arm. “Alright, I'm done. When will you finally stop ignoring me?!”

He looked at my hand, which was grabbing his arm, and slowly turned around, finally looking at my face. “I'm not ignoring you, I just don't want to talk to you or be near you,” he said bitterly, pulling his arm away and reaching for his door.

“Dean, you know you're not the only one who lost someone, okay? And believe me, I know it's my fault she's gone, and I'll never forgive myself for that. But, god, you're practically killing me. I miss you,” I said desperately, waiting for something in his eyes to change, waiting for him to embrace me in his strong arms, but... Nothing. His eyes didn't even hold hatred anymore, just emptiness.

“I don't know what you expect me to say, ‘I'm sorry you were so stupid’ ‘I'm sorry you got another person killed off’ ‘I'm sorry you're so fucking useless’ Huh?! Is that what you want me to say? You want me to feel sorry for you?!” he yelled, showing the anger and darkness in his eyes while he harshly slammed me to the wall, making me whimper slightly. His words cut deep into my skin, but I tried my best to ignore them, knowing this Dean wasn't really my Dean.

“I want you to understand, I want you to know that I'm sorry. I want you to tell me that we're gonna go through this like we always do,” I said softly, looking deeply into his eyes, trying to crack him.

He let out a dark chuckle and grasped my shoulders, lowering his head to be on the same height level with me. “You want me to tell you that we're gonna go through this? Well, baby, in that way, I'd be a big liar.”

“Dean, me and Sam, we are so close to saving you. Please, just don't let the mark control you,” I begged, feeling small under his touch.

“I don't want nor need you two saving me, and believe me, at this very moment, I'm trying to not let the mark control me, so don't provoke me,” he whispered against my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

"I thought you trusted me.”

“Well, that trust was destroyed when you got someone who was like a sister to me killed. Have you ever noticed how many innocent people died because you were being too stupid?” he said harshly.

"We all have made mistakes, Dean," I said, as I thought about the hunts where innocent people died, and I couldn't save them. I didn't want Dean to know how much his words were affecting me, but, god, I felt like a crumpled paper.

“Seems like that's the only thing you ever do,” he smirked, letting his eyes fall on the floor again before looking up at my eyes again. “Tell me, how does it feel knowing you don't mean anything to anybody and you're just a burden in our lives? How does it feel knowing nobody loves you?”

That's it. That was the punch line to make me break into tears.

“Y-you love me, you said that before.”

“You know I lie to get laid,” he said, smirking, proud of his response.

My heart was racing more and more, and I felt nauseous.

“Dean, please-“

“You're nothing, do you hear me? Nothing!” he grabbed my cheeks harshly. “Your existence doesn't matter. You.don't.matter.” he said, spitting the words out before letting me go. He took his bag and walked out of the room, not even glancing at me. I slid down the wall as I started sobbing silently.

Then I heard a buzz from my phone.

New message from Sammy:

“Y/N, Dean just said he found a hunt, probably three to four werewolves, and he told me to go with him. I was really surprised but didn't question him. I think he's getting better. I'll also talk to him on the road. Next time, he'll definitely ask you too, just like old times. Don't stay up and don't worry; we got this :) love you.”

He asked Sam to go, but not me. If he hadn't told me that he hated me a few minutes ago, I'd think he was worried. But if it was really 3 or 4 werewolves, there's nothing to be worried about. He just wants to stay away from me. He told me I was a burden to them; he'll probably throw me out of the bunker soon.

Dark thoughts ran through my mind, and suddenly a rush of anxiety ran through me. What if there were more than a few werewolves? What if they get hurt? What if Dean hates me even more?

I checked Sam's message again and saw that he sent me the address of where the werewolves' location is and where the hunt would probably take place. I quickly rushed to my room, grabbed my car keys, and went to drive to the location.

—————

I was hiding behind some of the trees in the forest, watching as each of the boys fought one werewolf, two already dead ones on the floor.

Everything seemed good so far; I mean, their guns were on the floor, but they were fighting each werewolf single handed and there was no need for me to make my presence known. The boys were winning as always. And that's when I realized they don't really need me in their life. I knew the words that came out of Dean's mouth tonight weren't really Dean's, my Dean. But he was somehow right; before I became the hunter I am today, I made many mistakes. Some were small, and some led to people getting hurt or even killed. I also put their lives in danger multiple times because I was being reckless. Finding the demons that killed my parents blinded my vision. I was ready to get back to the bunker when I saw both of the werewolves giving up until I noticed something.

A werewolf close to Sam's back, and it seemed like none of the brothers noticed him. I searched for my gun but remembered I forgot it in the backseat of my car. I cursed under my breath and did the only thing possible right now to save Sam. I couldn't let Dean lose another person, especially his brother, who I knew meant the world to him. I couldn't put him through something like that again when there's a chance to save the younger Winchester.

So I ran towards Sam, trying my best to not slip because of the woods on the floor. The Werewolf was close, and nobody noticed him. I'm not the only stupid one after all. The boys turned their heads to me for a slight second, surprised at my presence, but didn't stop fighting the other werewolves.

Until I pushed Sam away from the werewolf he was fighting onto the floor. He seemed confused at first, until he saw it. I assumed Dean did too but couldn't be too sure since he was behind me. I let out an agonizing scream when the werewolf grazed his claws into my stomach and the other one, which Sam was fighting before, grazed his claws into my back before my lifeless body fell on the floor. Dean didn't hesitate more seconds before getting his gun from the floor and shooting all the werewolves.

I was bleeding like a waterfall from my body and my mouth. But the good thing is-

I didn't feel any pain, or anything in that matter…

Dean Winchester’s Pov:

No no no.

This can't be happening.

It's all a nightmare, just another stupid nightmare.

I heard Sam's crying voice telling the love of my life, his best friend, to wake up, holding her torn apart body in his arms, asking her why she pushed him away. But there was no answer.

It's a nightmare happening in real life.

Her beautiful y/e/c are open but so empty, unrecognizable.

I stood over her body, not being able to move from my spot.

There is so much blood everywhere.

Her blood.

This is hell.

No, I’ve been to hell and it's worse than hell.

I started tearing up more and more, reality hitting me more every second.

I let out an angry scream and fell on my knees when I remembered my last words to her.

“You're nothing, do you hear me? Nothing! Your existence doesn't matter. You.don't.matter.”

She wasn't nothing, she was my everything.

She mattered, she was the reason I kept going, now she's gone and it's all my fault.

All my fault.

All of the words I said came back to me, making my chest hurt.

As I knelt beside her lifeless body, surrounded by the aftermath of our shattered world, I whisper into the silent abyss, "I'm sorry, Y/N. I'm so sorry."

And deep down I felt the Mark laughing…

[ultrasharpy12345stuff]

SUCCESS STORY (manifesting)

OMFG you guys! I did it! I made it to my desired reality! I'm living my desired life!

All I did was decide it's done. More specifically, I just did Angel's fulfillment challenge (which you don't have to do). Everyday I just decided to live like I was in my desired reality right now as often as I could and whenever I wanted to.

If I vented, I vented. If I ranted I ranted. If I sabotaged my manifestation I just decided it wouldn't matter and that nothing would ruin my manifestation and everything was ok and fine.

And this is totally optional but I affirmed sometimes. I just did to remind myself that it was done.

My affirmations were:

-I'm living my desired life

-Nothing can ruin my manifestation

-I'm in my desired reality

-I'm in my desired reality in my penthouse in Tokyo

-I have all my desires

-The 3D conforms instantly

And it worked! And now I'm happy! I woke up today IN my penthouse in Tokyo! The view of the city is amazing. I checked my bank account and it turns out I'm super rich! Like I literally have BILLIONS of dollars. And it's like I always get millions of dollars out of nowhere! So it's like I get paid just to exist!

Also life in this reality is soooooooo different than on Earth. Like the people in the city are nice... but they aren't just humans beings. I'm seeing Japanese monsters walking around wearing uggs! I can also see Godzilla walking around in a place in the city it's so cool! (don't worry, they made a place in the city specifically for her)

I can also enter the void anytime I fall asleep. Like everytime I go to sleep I wake up IN the void state completely aware. I know this because I just decided I would go to sleep and I did! (one of the things I also manifested, to fall asleep instantly)

And guess what? I also revised my ENTIRE life. Like all the shitty, terrible things that happened to me and all the awful things I've done are GONE! They never happened. All the arguments I had with people on Youtube are gone, they never happened. I never met those people. All the people who I argued with on Discord, well I never argued with them. All the problems with my family are gone.

I also have new memories of me being in Highschool. It went great! I made some friends, they never got angry at me, I got to play my videogames, and I never had to deal with any kind of stress. And I also have my college degree even though I never went to college.

Also let me show you what I look like:

This body:

This is my hairstyle (except it's white colored):

This is my face (trigger warning: AI art, also dw I'm black):

And I'm like popular on Twitter. I'm as popular as @rariatoo. People follow my art and they love drawing my OCs and characters, it's so much fun. Plus I have a patreon and a redbubble. I get to make my OCs as plushies and stickers and ship them off.

And the best part is that there's no wars! No covid, no genocide in the Congo or Palestine, no racism, no problems. And there never will be, everything is fine! Its literally a Utopia.

Summary of what I manifested:

-Desired life & reality

-Freezing Time

-Revising entire life

-Different family (same soul but different looks (slightly) and better personality)

-Entering the void whenever I fall asleep and at will

-A butler friend who I can summon and make disappear at will (he's super nice and never have any problems, perfect personality, kinda shy, and we just had some woopie 🥵🤪)

-Magic (I can do LOTS of crazy stuff)

-Being able to shift realities at will

-Visiting my family through a magic door (my family lives in what I call, "Reality # 3 and I can visit them anytime I want)

-Spawning groceries and food whenever I want (I still go out, dw)

-Friends on discord and some IRL

-Money money monayyyyyyyyyyy

-Perfect health and mental health, no problems with my body

-Never getting yelled at ever again or abused/nobody gets abused/abuse doesn't exist. Yellers don't exist.

& a lot of other personal things

You guys got this! You can get your dream life! Go for it! *I didn't get my dream life yet, that's why the title reads:

"SUCCESS STORY (𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴)" When you put "manifesting in the title it means you haven't gotten your desires yet but you're doing it to help you live in the end. SO please don't be angry or offended.*

[mysteryshoptls]

SSR Dire Crowley - Raven Jacket Vignette

"A dramatic encounter"

[Lecture Hall]

Crowley: Good morning. It is beautiful out, what an absolutely splendid start to such a lovely day.

Crowley: Incidentally… Have you noticed any changes in the apple tree growing in the courtyard?

Crowley: Yes, that's right. I'm speaking of the smallest, most recent planted tree within the courtyard.

Crowley: It feels as though it was only yesterday that it first started sprouting, and yet… It truly is growing at an astonishing rate.

Crowley: Whenever I chance a glance at that ever-striving tree growing each and every day under rain, shine or clouds, I also feel a twinge of self-reflection to be better.

Crowley: As if telling me that in both happy times and sad, one cannot forget to continue to strive for growth.

Crowley: And also… At the same time, I feel as though that tree represents all you students enrolled here at Night Raven College.

Crowley: That is, with respect to the point that with a good environment and proper nourishment, you all are able to grow and mature so wonderfully.

Crowley: …Well? Wouldn't you say that was an inspiring speech!?

Leona: Zzz.

Crowley: EXCUSE ME. I JUST HEARD A VERY LARGE SNORE THERE, WHO WAS THAT!?

Azul: It was magnificent! I was utterly enthralled by your wonderfully deep analogy. As one should expect from someone like you, Crowley-sensei!

Riddle: Really? I could have done with a little more tangible explanation, myself.

Riddle: What especially caught my attention was what you said about having "proper nourishment." Headmage, sir! What would that constitute?

Idia: Forget that, was this student assembly even a need? It's not even lol-worthy to think about how much time we've wasted having to listen to the Headmage's self-indulgent monologues on loop.

Vil: I concur. If all you wish to do is chit-chat, could you not gather the entire student body? I would rather use my mornings for my stretching exercises.

Octavinelle Student: Yeah, it's always some kind of useless speech.

Heartslabyul Student: I wanna go back to my dorm～

[clamoring]

Crowley: EVERYONE PLEASE QUIET DOWN!

Crowley: Anyway! What I was trying to say is…

Crowley: I would like everyone here to carry yourself with pride as befitting a student of Night Raven College.

Kalim: Oh! I was totally lost with what you were saying earlier, I see, so that's what you meant!

Kalim: I totally get it. I'll work hard just like an orange tree does!

Crowley: AN APPLE TREE!

[door opens]

Crowley: Hm? Who could possibly be showing up this late to… Ah.

Malleus: …

Crowley: D-DRACONIA-KUN!

Crowley: Right, did anyone tell him that there was to be a campus-wide student assembly…?

Everyone: Not at all.

Malleus: Was I not extended an invitation once again?

Malleus: You have the gall... To leave me outcast…

[lightning strikes down]

Crowley: W-Wait, Draconia-kun! Do not cast your lightning indoors!

Leona: Yaaaawn… Done blabbering, then? 'Kay, meeting over. Everyone back to their dorms.

[everyone nods]

Crowley: Aah, everyone, wait! If you're leaving, please take Draconia-kun with you!

[Cafeteria]

Crowley: For goodness’ sake. This morning could have gone much better.

Crowley: However, no matter what tribulations I may come across… Once it is time for lunch, I immediately feel much better!

Crowley: And that's all thanks to the delicious fare our school provides. What is the recommended meal of the day?

Ghost Chef: Welcome, Headmage. Today's recommendation is an exceptionally filling meat pie filled with large chunks of beef!

Crowley: Sounds fantastic. Please, I would have that, then.

Crowley: Oh, hello, Crewel-sensei and Vargas-sensei. I see Trein-sensei is with you too!

Crowley: Are you all taking lunch together? May I join you?

Vargas: Absolutely, yes, come and sit with us! I bet it'd be more than a hassle to find another seat when it's this crowded, anyway.

Crewel: I also was unable to find other seating, so here I am, reluctantly keeping company with a scold.

Trein: I do believe if you wish to avoid a lecture you would do well to not do anything warranting one.

Trein: …Oh. I see that you've ordered the beef pie, Headmage.

Crowley: That's correct. I am an avid connoisseur of meat, yes.

Crowley: Of course I'll eat it all, including beef, pork, chicken, and even wild game.

Trein: Wild game?

Crowley: Indeed, gibier, it's called. Have you ever tried it?

Vargas: Oh yeah, gibier! Last time I had some was when I ate some venison, and it sure did taste so delicious that I was overflowing with energy～

Crowley: You have a distinguished palate, Vargas-sensei. How wonderful.

Crowley: There are a multitude of other gibier meat to try, you know. I do hope you all have a chance to…

Sam: ＩＮ ＳＴＯＣＫ ＮＯＷ!

Everyone: AHH!!

Crowley: S-Sam-kun… I implore you to not pop in from behind us like that!

Sam: Nyeheehee. You all looked like you were lost in such enjoyable conversation, I just couldn't help myself.

Crewel: This is a rare sight, Sam. You're usually tending to the Mystery Shop around this time, aren't you?

Sam: The cafeteria ghosts had asked for a delivery of some ingredients, is all.

Sam: Headmage, if you're interested in some gibier that's a little more difficult to get your hands on, you know I got you.

Sam: Whatever kind of food you may want, I can procure it for you.

Crowley: You're fantastic, Sam-kun. How wonderfully supportive. However…

Crowley: In all actuality, I also have a fondness for vegetables, fruits and sweets in addition to meat. I love anything that is not spicy!

Crewel: I am fully aware. For as long as I remember, your omnivorous habits have made for quite the reputation.

Crowley: Omniv… Could you possibly say that in a more appropriate manner!?

Sam: …Hm? I just noticed that everyone's ordered very different dishes. Really goes to show each of your preferences.

Vargas: Since I always have my muscles on my mind, I make it so my lunches are egg dishes packed full of protein!

Crewel: I do like meat pies myself, so I did consider it… But that size is far too much for me.

Crewel: It may be perfect for those growing students, but it is most likely in excess of the recommended nutritional intake for us adults.

Trein: Indeed. I also selected something else when I saw it with my own eyes.

Trein: If I ate such a thing for lunch, I would still feel it weighing me down during afternoon classes.

Crowley: Is that so? Such a shame. It's so delicious～

Vargas: Nice, that's a great appetite you got. I'll have to work hard to keep up!

Trein: Look at him, devouring that hearty and greasy meat pie so easily… He truly is young at heart…

Crewel: You're not wrong, he hasn't changed one bit from my student days.

Trein: For that matter, I don't believe he's changed since I started my tenure here at Night Raven College…

Crewel: Headmage… How old is he truly? I'm curious, and yet I'm not sure I want to know…

Sam: Nyeheehee. He's truly a man of mystery. It piques one's curiosity.

Crowley: Ah, so delicious. Past me deserves such gracious thanks for hiring these Five-Star restaurant chefs.

Crowley: And what a dramatic encounter it was meeting those chef ghosts.

Crowley: That was… Oh, hm. How many decades ago, now?

[Main Street]

Crowley: Now, what shall I do this afternoon? The other professors are busy with classes, so mayhaps I'll go while away the time at Sam-kun's shop…

???: We ain't gotta sweat the small stuff, c'mon.

Crowley: Hm? This voice…

Grim: No one'll notice if we skip one or two classes. We should totally just snag a few z's instead, myahaha!

1. Let's hurry and head back towards the classroom. 2. Maybe you're right and no one will catch us…

Crowley: That certainly was Grim-kun's voice, I see…

Crowley: Even if it is just those two, how could there be anyone with the audacity to cut class at my academy! I absolutely cannot believe it!

Savanaclaw Student: Hey, we'll be using that bench to relax on while we ditch class. Get off.

Grim: Huuh!? I'm the one who found this sunny spot first!

Crowley: WHA― THERE ARE OTHERS CUTTING CLASS AS WELL!?

Crowley: Not only are there multiple students missing class, it seems a fight is about to break out, as well… What is with this break in decorum at this school?

Crowley: EXCUSE ME, YOU LOT! YOU SHOULD ALL BE IN CLASS RIGHT NOW!

Grim: Urgh. Someone annoying's found us.

Crowley: [Yuu]-kun, it is most troublesome if you cannot look after Grim-kun properly.

1. I'm sorry.

Crowley: How refreshing… It's so moving to have someone apologize so forthright immediately after breaking a rule…

2. Grim just doesn't listen to me.

Crowley: Y-You're just running yourself ragged, I see… Poor thing to have to deal with Grim-kun like this.

Crowley: All of you return to class this instant. It should be an honor that you have the privilege of attending classes here.

Crowley: Magic is not something so simple that can be controlled on talent alone.

Crowley: Of course, natural talent may be important, but what truly matters is maturing your abilities through daily growth and experiences.

Crowley: You all do remember my very loving speech from this morning, yes?

Grim: It was all about somethin' boring, so I wasn't listening.

Ignihyde Student: Yeah. Same.

Crowley: EXCUSE ME!? [Yuu]-kun, please tell me you had your listening ears on this morning?

1. Of course I remember.

Crowley: Whew... At least you're a good student.

2. Something about grape trees, right?

Crowley: APPLE TREES!

Ignihyde Student: Man, you're so annoying… You keep yammering on, but there's really no reason to listen to you, is there?

Diasomnia Student: Seriously. It’s not like I've ever seen the Headmage do any kind of crazy strong magic or anything, and even the Housewardens were ignoring him at the student assembly…

Savanaclaw Student: He ain't scary at all. Just ignore him!

Crowley: …What pitiful children.

Crowley: Well, I suppose I have no choice. I'll just have to show you exactly how important incremental advancement in your studies can be.

Crowley: …FOR MY KINDNESS KNOWS NO BOUNDS!

Students: HRRGHH!

Grim: Oh hey, that stuff wrapped around those guys is the Headmage's uh… weird rope thing!

Crowley: This is not rope. This is my lash of love! A slightly stronger version than before.

Savanaclaw Student: OW, OW! I'M GETTING SQUEEZED～!

Diasomnia Student: This kinda magic should be no problem to break out… Hurng, I can't!? Wh-Why? Our magic's not even making a scratch on it!

Crowley: That should be expected. You do realize I am the Headmage here, yes? This level of magic comes as easily to me as breathing does.

Crowley: It's one thing when those who comprehend my power, like the Housewardens, speak in jest…

Crowley: But it would be completely disgraceful of me as an instructor to be belittled by students like you who have no knowledge of the difference in our abilities.

Crowley: You should try to comprehend how unripe your magical abilities still are.

Grim: Yeah, yeah, get 'em, Crowley! Show 'em what little they know!

1. I wouldn't get too carried away… 2. Wouldn't it be better to run before…?

Crowley: And a lash of love for you! My more heedful version!

Grim: GRRAAH～!

1. Astounding, no matter how many times I see it! 2. Your lightning quick flick made quick work of him!

Crowley: Heh, you don't have to go that far in praising… Hold on now, Grim-kun! No matter how much you thrash about, nothing will come of it. Calm yourself.

Crowley: After all, I have such high expectations for you, Grim-kun. That includes you too, [Yuu]-kun.

Crowley: I fully believe that the two of you will be integral to changing the future of this academy.

Crowley: I'm sure you two will be all I hope for and more, don't you?

Grim: Yeah, yeah, I gotchu. Just leave it all to the genius Grim-sama.

Grim: …SO LET ME GO ALREADY～!

Crowley: Well then. I suppose I'll just take you all to your assigned classes just like this now.

Grim: Huh!? If you drag us along all tied up like this, everyone that'll see us will all point and laugh…!

Grim: LET GO, LET ME GOOO!

Crowley: I must make sure that you Night Raven College students properly reflect on your actions and learn from each experience.

Crowley: And that is because you are all one of my very precious, precious apple trees...

Requested by Anonymous.

[riansdiary]

Assume it as a fact + Do not accept waiting + Focus your awareness to what you want 🎀

Dearest Gentle Readers 💎

Rian, yours truly is back with a new epiphany for the law of assumption! If you were ever wondering what the hell I'm doing on my break, I'm just living my life and relaxing. Manifesting left and right. Also a lot of reflecting and thinking deeply about loa and how I can help myself and others to make it easier.

In fact, this just happened today. I thought of these today and I'm so glad I brainstormed about the loa to understand it more and make it easier for myself. It is hella easy, it's only us complicating it because it is truly that simple. I was thinking and finding a way to manifest easier in a relaxing way and to make my mindset better.

Let me break it down to you in three pieces. The things written in the title of this post are basically all I'm doing to use the law of assumption and it has never made sense like this ever before. It made it even easier for me! Let's go!

Oh and yes! I am a huge fan of A Good Girl's Guide to Murder Books and have finished reading the first two books in just four days! Can you believe that? I was hooked! I couldn't put my phone down! Yes, I read the e-book version. I also adore Emma Myers so much! She was the Pip Fitz-Amobi I imagined while I was reading! She's perfect for the role! I watched the first four episodes of the show today and I love how they did almost if not literally the exact same as the book! Anyway, let's get that out of the way now.

This all started this morning when I was eating a snack. The snack was a snack in my country and it's kind of hard to break. It's a big piece, I can't just shove it in my mouth like that. I was trying my best to break it but it just couldn't break. You know what I did? I relaxed and I did this in a second. I assumed that I was very strong and could break this snack easily. All I did was assume it's a fact and believed it. I had this silent confidence as I assumed that. I thought of this once - "I'm so strong I can break this so easily" and that thought came out naturally after I assumed that I'm strong and guess what? I was able to break the snack very easily and effortlessly. I broke that hard piece in half in a freaking second after I assumed and thought that. I then realized that this was the way I used to manifest when I first started learning about the law and I should continue it this way. Starting from that, I started assuming that my desires are a fact, fully believing they're here even without proof and persisting has been a breeze ever since that moment. Every time I manifested in this very simple way, things just materialized way faster so I decided that I will do it this way again which is the best way for me.

This is the meaning of assume:

Assume good things and assume your desires into being. Assume that your desires are facts now. Simply assume something and shift your mindset to the person who is it or has it. All I did was assume that it's a fact that I'm strong. I embodied the version of me who was always strong and can break that hard snack in two in one second.

I literally was trying so hard before and yet nothing happened but as soon as I assumed and shifted my mindset to the me who's strong then I was able to break it so easily.

Now on to the next point.

Don't accept waiting when you're manifesting.

I learned this one from Indigo Detry's video:

Everything I learned is in here and as soon as I implemented this, I never wavered even once. I fully accepted that I have my desires immediately. Do not accept waiting. Do not make manifesting a process because that just makes it longer when it shouldn't be. Decide that it's instant for you. I'm not waiting for my manifestations anymore, they're here now and I'm focusing on them instead of the old story. Because of that, I now feel fulfilled and consider it done.

Now, the last part.

Focus your awareness on what you want.

This is a little bit more non-duality but I feel like it's also true for manifesting. This was taught to me by my friend @starnightlover and it only sinked in today as I brainstormed about how I can stop looking for my desire in the 3d or how to stop focusing on the old story. I'm doing a combo of all three. It goes hand in hand.

I always say this when I'm answering asks about the 3d. What you focus on grows so don't pay attention to what you don't want. Awareness and Attention are our superpowers. Whatever you are aware of and what you focus on is what will manifest. I was thinking about how to stop looking for my desires in the 3d or how to stop thinking of the old story and this fixed these problems for me.

What you focus on manifests so how do you focus on what you want? I thought as I was doing something in the bathroom. I wanted to manifest having Dove Cameron's lips. Her lips are so gorgeous so I started manifesting that today. So I came up with a way to focus on what I want instead.

1. I made myself a vision board of my desires. The photos I used are in 1st person POV and I just included pictures of me having my desires and I made it the background of my phone, that way I will always see it everyday and it reminds me that I have it and it's already done.

2. I stopped expecting or accepting waiting when I'm manifesting. I decided that starting now, there's no waiting or process when I manifest. I immediately get it.

3. I assumed that my desires are facts now. I stopped feeding myself the old story. I stopped feeding the old story with any attention to let it die off. There's no waiting so that means it's already done. I did not care about what the 3d was showing me. I shifted my awareness from me not having Dove Cameron's lips to me actually having it already and I started to only pay attention to my desires. I also stopped wanting and desiring and instead assumed that my desires are facts and instantly here now. I shifted my mindset to be in my ideal reality. I embodied the version of me who had whatever she wanted just by assuming my desires are facts now, rejecting the waiting process, not forcing anything, focusing my awareness to what I want and using my vision board as the proof of my desires being here.

I also implemented my recent post about the devil's snare scene from Harry Potter and I'm always just relaxed now. Because why would I worry about my desires when I have them now? I also stopped forcing myself to feel things which made it be like act as if for me. It wasn't it.

All I do now is just assume, assume my desires are now facts, reject any waiting or process, change my thoughts and shift my awareness and feed my attention to the new story instead. If ever the old story bothers me which is super rare, I just relax, take a deep breath and either see my desire in my head or look at my vision board. I'm also embodying Hermione and using a sub for her so I'm getting the intelligence boost for sure! I'm embodying how Hermione would learn and apply the law of assumption and I've been seeing some benefits from acting like her!

This has been making it really easy for me and I know this will help a lot of people! I'm assuming so!

Assume your desires are now facts, dismiss and don't feed the old story any attention, reject waiting or anything implying a process, simply change your thoughts, focus your awareness on what you want (make yourself aware of what you want), relax and know it is done. Stop wanting and start relaxing and having! You would relax if you have it now.

I'll try and make an example post for this!

[nyx-is-missing]

Graceland too

Clarisse la rue x fem!reader (Athena's kid)

Sumarry: When a certain daughter of Athena felt unappreciated her whole life, someone was there to see her.

Warnings: Sad girl hours, shitty parenthood, hurt/comfort because im no monster and probably other things wich i forgot.

a/n: look who is back!

Demigod.

Half blood.

Half a goddess.

Half a human (?).

And yet, fully a disappointment.

When Athena sent me to my Dad's house, in a golden crib, dressed in pure white dress, glowing, how the myths would expect a demigod to be, then, and only right then i was a gift.

A piece o divine love, something to prove to him, till the end of his life, that at some point, he was good enough for a Goddess.

But days after, immediately, i was just a crying baby, hungry, with a busy father, without a mother, and that only made him remember that, that was it.

He wasnt good enough for her, she wasnt staying, she never even actually even considered, he would never have that kind of honour, only a crying baby he never expected.

I wasnt a gift anymore, it actually felt like i was a insult, everything about me started to enrage him.

And oh, how did he reminded me of that every single day of my existence.

When i got diagnosed with dyslexia all i've heard whas that Athena gave me up to him because i was defective, when i couldnt sit still during classes, and exploded with all the repression i suffered everyday, suddently i was a clock bomb, when my grades where great, i was never rewarded, it was "the least i could do, to make up for the shame that i was".

I was never loved, never wanted, never encouraged, at least not by him.

The very little love i've known in my life, i own to the people who felt pitty of me.

The teachers, the neighbours who have heard the insults, the stray animals who could sense sadness, the very old grandparents who never actually saw me more than twice a year, and the people who worked at a nerby library, who let me stay past closing time, leaving only with the cleaners.

I was 12 when he had enough and sent me to camp, literally the very day school was over.

I came home to my clothes packed and him waiting by the car keys.

Being in camp for the first time, was also the very first time in my life i have ever felt....normal.

Not good, not bad, not great, not terrible, i was one, and that was enough.

I spend that summer being quiet, i sat in the corner, i didnt spoke, i didnt interrupted, i didnt had any ideas, i wasnt good enough to do that, thats what i've been told my whole life, thats my true.

It took a whole new summer for Athena to claim me.

I have always wondered if she was fighting with herself, if she had any problems having to admit that she made a mistake, with me, or with him.

It didn't matter, for the first time i had brothers and sisters, who wanted me, who understood when i wasnt the best, who asked for my graded tests, to put up in the wall.

They understood when i was hard to crack, when i insisted in being quiet, when i wouldnt share my ideas, they understood it all.

I didn't.

Each and every new summer i spent there, all i could ask myself was:

Why could i not be great like all of them?

Why im still afraid?

Why i was still useless?

Im now sixteen and the same questions still were unanswered.

And today i felt worse than ever.

It was my birthday, and i havent got a single letter from him, nothing, nothing.

It felt like he was saying i wasnt worth anything again.

Earlier, i tried to pretend nothing was happening, smiling with my siblings, finally making plans for capture the flag, finally belonging like i promissed i would try to do that year.

My plan was used, it wasnt perfect, but it was used, and surprising myself and the other team, we won.

I could see the other team confused, and Clarisse cussing us to death.

Still i was so happy, for the first time in my life i showed myself, and i worked....partially.

The happiness of victory didnt last much in me, because i saw a new brother of mine almost bursting to tears, he was young and just got claimed a few days ago, he wasnt used to that, and he wasnt supose to get hurt, but the red that painted his arms said otherwise.

I couldnt stare at him without feeling like i failed again.

Why couldnt i be perfect for once?

I took him to infirmary and held his hand while he was getting his stiches, saying sorry all the time.

I tried thinking it was okay, people get hurt, move on.

I had diner, i took a bath, i tried to sleep, i couldnt.

The tears were falling down and i knew i wouldn't be quiet.

So i got up and walked to the cabin's porch, sitting on the last step and letting my head fall to my knees.

Why couldnt i be great?

Why couldnt i be in peace with myself?

Why couldnt my mom bless me?

Why couldnt my dad love me?

Why did he had to be so mean?

I was a kid for fucks sake.

"Are you okay?" I heard someone saying, that made me freeze, that voice was not from any of my sisters, was i crying so hard i woke up someone from other cabin?

"I- yes, sorry i didn't knew i was crying so hard to wake people from other cabins, im sorry"

"You didn't, i was sneaking out to train some more, and saw you, our cabins face each other"

That was...Clarisse?

I wiped my tears and look up, she was staring at me with a almost worried look

"Clarisse?"

"Yes, why are you crying?"

She sat down by my side, dropping a sword in the grass.

"Its nothing really, im fine, you dont need to bothe-"

"No, cut the crap" she stopped me mid sentence "no one ever weeps in the middle of the night out of happiness, you are not fine and im not letting you lie OR leave until you tell me what it is"

We stare at each other, and ill need to thank the night light being bad because i probably look like crap right now, im sure my eyes are red, my nose too, im probably with a very swollen face and id bet all the dracmas i own that my hair its no better than a nest of birds.

"Go on...tell me"

I layed myself in the stairs, looking at the sky, trying to think of a way to tell everything, without sounding crazy

"I dont deserve to be here, Clarisse."

"Here..where?"

"This cabin, i dont deserve to be called daughter of the goddess of wisdom, i dont deserve being here with them, my siblings they are great, more than good, great, they will do great things with themselfs, amazing writers, architects, brilliant musicians, historians, why am i here? Im not even good, why im with the great?"

"Wait wait wait" she made me sit down again and look at her "not even good? What are you talking about? Wasnt the strategy in the last capture the flag yours? Yall won, and if somebody asks me later i've never said this but that was good, some really good strategy, i was almost thinking of asking chiron to switch you teams, you were great, more than that, and now you're here telling me you are not egen good? Are you on drugs?"

"Clarisse you dont need to pretend you care that much, and my plan wasnt all that, my brother got hurt, that wasnt supose to happen, i failed him, if i was good enough he wouldnt even be there"

She had a very confused look on her face, like she really did not knew what i was talking about.

"You're not talking about the little boy you took to the infirmary and that small cut in his forearm are you? Cause that boy was far from almost dying like you are making it sound like-" she looked at my eyes, i didnt needed a mirror to have sure how i was, i've seen myself like that too much to count, everytime my dad said i wasnt good enough, sad, lifeless.

"I failed again Clarisse, im not good enough to be here, im useless, worthless"

She looked at me and did the last thing i tought she would, Clarisse hugged me.

"Dont say that, c'mon, worthless? I've seen you fight, i've seen your plans, you dont talk much but i've heard your ideas, you are far from being useless or worthless, who the fuck told you that?"

"My f- you heard me?" I looked at her, only to see a look i couldnt distinguish "what do you mean?"

She looked at her own feet, then at her sword, reflecting the moonlight.

"You really dont know?" She looks at me "i- well, i've heard you, the same way i see you everyday, thats how i know you like morning walks, sweet green grapes, baked goods...how i know you are probably the only child of Athena who has never read "the art of war", that you walk without looking at peoples faces....its weird, i've seen you so much throughout this years and it feels like this is the first time you are actually seeing me"

"But i've saw you before-"

"Thats not what i was saying, you looked at me many times, but did you ever saw me until today?"

I looked at her blinking, and after a moment of silent i said "you like dark chocolate, and lemon flavoured soda, and sneaking out to train when the harpies take their breaks, by the way you missed that, and you always ask for double the quantity of food you eat, so when you burn it you still can eat enough, by the way i stole that idea-"

She is smilling, big, really big, i think i am too.

Of course i saw Clarisse, who wouldnt, she was strong, brave, beautiful, to me was a wonder she didnt had people running to get her attention.

She got closer to me "does that mean i can-" i stopped her mid sentence again

"Maybe..."

"Im going to make you forget that "im not good enough" nonsense, belive me"

She is smilling while kissing me, and i am too.

[ningningsdream]

[4:28AM] "i still love you, y/n. it was dumb of me to let you go.", ex! jeno pleaded as he stood on your doorstep at an ungodly hour in the night, "everything i see reminds me of you. i've tried to move on but i can't help myself comparing everyone with you. i miss you even when i'm in a room full of people to distract me.", jeno rambled, his rosy cheeks hinting that he was probably a little tipsy.

today would've been your fifth-year anniversary if you stayed together.

"i thought of you every single day for almost a whole year after we broke up.", you said, looking at him.

"me-"

"let me finish.", you interrupted him, holding your index up, "i tried so hard not to, but it felt like the more i was trying to not think of you, the more i did. you were the first and last person i talked to every single day. some mornings, when i was still in a sleepy haze, i found myself looking at my phone to see if you had texted me and when reality hit me, it was another kind of pain. you were part of my everyday, you became a habit. it's hard getting rid of habits. i had to get used to say that i didn't have a boyfriend when asked about relationships, and i couldn't use 'my boyfriend and i already planned something' when i wanted to get out of things. i was wondering if i was the only one that had to hold myself back from sending you a text. i was wondering if you too, struggled with not having me in your life anymore."

"i did. i do. so much, y/n. you don't know how much i want to go back to slap some sense into myself and not break up with you. i was so overwhelmed with graduation, work and keeping up with family and friends that i thought i needed to get rid of something."

"so you got rid of me..."

"and i regret it so fucking much. the minute i saw the tears in your eyes i regretted it. i thought it was for the better, i was so busy i couldn't even be a proper boyfriend to you, and you deserved better than that. i thought letting you go was the best for the both of us."

"the best? i cried every single night for three months straight. not only because i missed you, but because as you said i deserved better. i knew that... i knew it but i also knew that if you showed up like this at my door back then i would've taken you back in a heartbeat. and it made me hate myself, because i loved you more than i loved myself."

"i'm so sorry, y/n. i really am-"

"babe! where are you?", you heard bf!renjun screaming from your room, with his sleepy and worried voice.

"i'll be right back, junnie.", you answered with a little smile on your face, imagining your boyfriend with his eyes closed and a pout on his face as his arm was lying on your empty side of the bed. you turned back to face jeno, whose face seemed like he saw a ghost, "jeno, i appreciate the apology... but you're a little too late. i've stopped waiting for you a long time ago.", you gave him a small apologetic smile.

jeno looked at you and realized how much he fucked up. you've rightfully moved on and he was the only one being stuck in something he created. when you replied to your boyfriend, that was when he noticed the smile on your face, the same smile that used to be directed to him, and that was the only time he saw you express happiness since he appeared on your doorstep.

"fuck, you're really here.", a familiar voice said right after you heard the elevator doors open.

"i really wished i was wrong.", another familiar voice said.

you turned your head and saw two people, you thought you wouldn't see again, walking towards your apartment.

"time to go home, samoyed."

"haechan. jaemin.", you greeted your ex's bestfriends.

"sorry for the disruption.", ex's bestfriend!haechan told you before grabbing jeno's arm and putting it around his shoulders, helping his friend walk away from your apartment and your life.

"how have you been ?", your old childhood bestfriend!jaemin said, letting jeno and haechan walk away first.

"great...you?"

"same."

the feeling of awkwardness and nostalgia could be sensed in the air. you looked at each other a few more seconds as all the memories of your friendship, from when you met in kindergarten to when he stayed by jeno's side when you two broke up, flashed through your eyes.

"baaaabeee!!", your boyfriend whined from far away, "come baaaack!"

"well, it's late. we're going to let you go back to your night. sorry about that.", jaemin nodded towards your ex, "and everything else...", hinting at his own mistakes.

you nodded, acknowledging his apology, "bye, jaem.", you gave him one last smile. it had been a while since he heard his nickname coming out of your mouth.

"bye, y/n.", jaemin returned your smile.

you watched him walk away with his two other friends, knowing that your byes stood as an official farewell to your friendship and his presence in your life.

[bellalaufeyson69]

Peter Quill x Reader

Jealous FWB

Description: Peter and Yn have a friends with benefits type deal. Yn is always secretly jealous of Peters other girls he brings around but she deals with it. Though one day to Peter’s surprise Yn actually has herself a boy of her own. Peter doesn’t like that at all and feels rather territorial.

Wc ♡ 6.6k

Masterlist ♡

Warnings ♡ suggestive content, swearing

———

Peter and I have been friends with benefits for a long time. Our agreement started after Gamora died and came back a totally different person: someone who didn’t love Peter anymore. I was going through a bad breakup at the time too so we agreed to be each others rebound until we were back on our feet.

Our agreement started with cuddling and kissing. I have this thing where I don’t have sex unless I’m in love, but after so long of having this innocent friends with benefits with Peter I felt I’ve known him so long and I trusted him enough to add it in. So that’s what we were, basically a couple without the label. Neither of us thought about it or what it meant which made it a-lot easier. It was really a go with the flow type of thing.

That’s what I like to tell myself that is. Since we’re just friends we have the freedom to do whatever we want with whoever we want. Peter definitely takes that freedom to use. He’s always been the smooth player type who could bed a decent amount of women. He’s outgoing and shoots his shot, sometimes he gets denied others he doesn’t but it never bothers him either way he just goes with the flow. I on the other hand am not nearly outgoing as he is and I also don’t find any interest in having sex with a bunch of random men. Not that I’ll tell Peter that. Part of me wants him to wonder what do I. That desire is what worries me the most. “Hey,” Peter came in from the hall and left a kiss on my cheek. “I’m gonna be with a chick from knowhere tonight I already told the rest of the gang, is it cool if I use the living room?” He nonchalantly questioned as he grabbed a few chips from the open bag on the coffee table and popping them into his mouth, then plopping down onto the couch.

The thought of him with another girl never used to bother me until we started having sex. It’s my own fault really, it’s because sex isn’t something loose for me, I don’t just do it with anyone. It’s always only been someone special, someone I loved, or someone I knew and trusted for a long time. The realization that I’d given my body to someone and that person taking it, then going around and doing a bunch of other girls right after made my stomach sink. Feels kind of gross. In a degrading way (again my own fault), and also in a… jealous way.

“Hey, did you hear me?” He questioned from his spot on the couch his feet now kicked up on the coffee table.

I quickly snapped out of my jealous trance and nodded my head. “Yeah sorry, I was thinking about the stuff I gotta do today” I lied giving him an innocent smile. “That’s cool with me, just let me know when she leaves I wanna watch my show” This was my way of finding out what him and that wh- girl where really going to do.

He gave a cocky chuckle. “Oh you’ll be waiting a long time then,” he smirked with a tilted head giving me a look that said ‘we’re gonna be doing bad things’. “We’ll probably take it into my room though…” he paused his sentence for a moment in thought. “I mean I can text you when I take her into my room so you can come out if you want…” he said a little more awkwardly now. We both knew that him texting me that was basically him texting me that he was currently boning another girl.

I felt a growing pit of pure rage building up inside of me. I wanted nothing more than for this girl to never show up. No scratch that, for her to show up and for me to punch her in the face. How humiliating is that, the guy I hook up with is going out and banging another girl under the same roof I sleep, he kisses my cheek when the other girls leave, he cuddles me and watches movies, tells me jokes, takes care of me when I’m sick, then fucks another girl. “Ahhh that’s okay, I don’t feel like waiting around all night for a text” I replied through a slightly passive aggressive tone.

He definitely caught that and was a little taken aback by it. His mouth opened for a second then shut again canceling out whatever comment he was about to make. “Okay,” he pursed his lips together and looked around for a second before standing up and walking out of the room.

“Well that was awkward” Rocket noted from the corner of the room where he sat messing with a box of wires.

My face reddened at the realization he’d been there the whole time. “Uhm,” I was at a loss for words because truthfully neither Peter or I ever told anyone about our relationship status. We just kinda snuck around, so I have no idea what’s going on in Rockets head right now. “I-“

“I don’t get why he thinks it’s not weird for us to have to evacuate certain rooms of the ship because some girls coming over and he wants to do gross things with her,” he continued on after noticing I wasn’t really ever gonna get out with a full sentence.

His comment made me feel pretty good. “Yeah! Thank you!” I agreed feeling very understood. Nobody cares what stupid girl you’re with Peter. “Like keep it to yourself dude!” I complained feeling myself get a little too hyper about the situation.

Rocket tilted his head at my energy toward this almost as if he was piecing together my secrete rage jealousy toward the situation. “Yeah…” he trailed looking at me in deep thought before snapping out of it. “Well, that’s Quill” he shrugged then started sifting the wires again.

I decided to go and get ready for our arrival on knowhere. We were originally stopping for fuel but now it’s that and Quills booty call. Like he didn’t already have someone to do that for him on the ship. I thought to myself as I dug through my closet for a cute shirt. Am I not good enough? That he has me as a choice but proceeds to go out and bring someone else in like I’m not even here? I picked out a tight white crop top that fit my body perfectly. It was one of my favorite shirts that I always pair with a cute skirt. Maybe she’s better than me in bed. I grimaced while yanking my shirt over my head. I shook those thoughts out of my mind as they were only getting me riled up. I stood and inspected myself in the mirror to take in my very Earthy style. A tight white crop top, white and light blue plaid skirt with grey Nike Air Force 1 high tops. I spun to look at myself from the back when I heard a knock on the door. Not that the knock mattered any because Peter had already been opening it as he was knocking.

“Hey, oooohh,” he grinned while eyeing my outfit from the door. “I like” he sauntered over and wrapped his arms around my waist from behind me as we looked into the mirror.

I can’t show any hint of negative emotion because I don’t want Peter connecting it to the this dumb girl. So I do my best to fester up a happy little smile. “Thanks” I put my hands over his as he leaned in and kissed my neck a few times softly.

“You guys are all going to go up to Xardecks to hangout and drink, it should be fun” he informed placing his head in the nape of my neck while swaying us. “Just as long as Rocket and Drax behave” he snickers at the thought of those two ever behaving while drinking.

Ordinarily this would be really fun to me but right now I can’t help but to be a pessimist because the thought of him ditching us for a girl is firing me up. The worst part is that he’s sitting here talking to me like it’s no big deal. Which is what I agreed to… I hate that. “Yeah that’s true, we’ll see” I gave a fake laugh before pulling myself from his grip. “How far are we?” I asked while grabbing my phone from my dresser.

He placed his hands in his pockets. “We’re here actually.” He smiled warmly thinking that this would’ve made me excited. Nope, just a sick feeling in my stomach.

I nodded trying my best to not show the pure disinterest in this conversation. “Cool, is everyone ready to go then?” I asked glancing to the door then back at Peter.

He nodded his head. “Yep, ready to get absolutely plastered,” he joked and stepped closer to me taking my hand into his and leading me to the door frame. “I wish I could be there to witness drunk YN, she’s my favorite” he smirked then pulled me into him and held my hand to his chest while rubbing it with his thumb. His eyes darted around my face taking in my features with a small smile before slowly going in and placing a soft and slow kiss on my lips. “Have fun tonight, don’t do anything I would do” he grinned before letting go of my hand and stepping out of the room.

I followed him out into the hall. “Wouldn’t dream of it” I teased earning a silly look from Peter.

We all piled out of the ship and headed into town in a jardec. What the rest of the galaxy calls their version of Uber. A very fancy space car, and or little pod controlled by a bot. Once we got there Peter parted from us, and the rest of us went into Xardecks, a pretty awesome bar/ club we always went to whenever we’d visited Knowhere.

We walked into the building and set for the bars through the sea of drunken aliens. The crowd was a mix of pretty much everything, all types of people and aliens all mingling together which was basically what Knowhere itself consisted of. Drax lead the way as he was always our little body guard who’d shove through anyone to get a spot at the bar. I’d always been too shy to 1 even get a spot at the bar and 2 be seen by the bartender to order a drink. Drax always had both fronts covered. Sometimes Groot was a little mischievous like right now seeing as he’s extending a branch behind the bartenders back to steal an entire three bottles of some random liquor. He turned to us with a wide smile of excitement to which we all cheered him on, except Nebula who’d seemed pretty annoyed to be in the bar at all.

We took the secret bottles and made our way over to the booths and quickly staked our claim at an empty one, placing down our items and the drinks on the table. These boothes were curved booths with only one side and a table in front of it. We always picked the booths at the back of the building because they were next to the weird fights that they had going on with little alien creatures. The guys loved to place bets and instigate other peoples losses. “Okay, who’s taking a shot with me?” I asked while unscrewing the lid of the bottle and taking a sniff. Immediately I’d cringed at the strong scent of the alcohol which made Rocket and Drax laugh historically.

“Let us handle that sweetheart.” Rocket insisted with a cocky attitude as he swiped the bottle from me and took a few chugs. “Whooh. That’s good” he took a scan of his surroundings before patting Drax on the shoulder. “What are the odds that that guy in the blue punches that dude in the yellow?” He pointed out two men who’d seemingly been placing bets on the creatures.

“If that man punches that man I will buy you five shots!” Drax offered full of excitement at the possibility of violence.

Rocket perked up at the comment before grabbing the second bottle of the three and sliding it over to Drax. “Hell yeah, and if not Vice versa. Take this buddy we’re gonna have some fun” Rocket led Drax off over into the chaos of chanting men. Groot stayed for a minute but not without longing looks for his best friend, eventually he’d apologetically left to go and find them leaving me, Nebula, and Mantis at the booth.

We’d all been sharing the last bottle of liquor passing it around in a little circle. “I wish Peter was here, I feel like we’d be having more fun” Mantis sighed as she sat in the booth watching all the people around us dancing, drinking, or doing something crazy. Her comment made me kind of sad because she was completely right. Whenever we went out with Peter he’d always made sure every single one of us was having fun, there was no sitting down, we were all dancing, drinking, and having fun.

Nebula just silently nodded in agreement while her finger traced the table in boredom. “Yeah, me too,” I admitted somewhat sadly. “Enough of that though, let’s get drunk!” I exclaimed trying to hype everyone up. I plucked the bottle from the table and took a big chug. “Common Mantis your turn lets go!!” I chanted pushing the bottle to her. She smiled widely at my energy and took a big chug but not without a cringe after at the strength of the liquor.

“Common Nebula!!” Mantis joined in the changing which definitely made me feel pretty good. We’d both been chanting on Nebula while she took like four chugs being a little show off. “Yeah nebula!!!!” She yelled out waving her hands in the air.

It’s safe to say us girls were definitely feeling it now. We’d definitely started to get a lot more chaotic and a lot more loud. We’d gotten to about a quarter left of the bottle and we’d been sharing funny embarrassing memories of the boys that have happened over the years. “Oh my gosh I have one!!” Mantis slurred grabbing me and Nebula’s arm. “This one time, we were on Earth and it was during one of the Earth celebrations, E-uh- eister?”

I laughed hysterically at her mistake. The liquor definitely made everything ten times more funny. “It’s Easter” I corrected still giggling.

“Easter!! It was Easter and there were soooo many plastic eggs with candy, Drax picked one up thinking it was a real birds egg but he ended up dropping it to find the candy inside. He picked up a few more eggs off the ground and kept opening them to find more candy, he started FREAKING out saying that the birds on this planet gave birth to candy,” she laughed the entire time while trying to explain the story which made even Nebula laugh a little.

“He’s such an idiot” Nebula smiled enjoying the story. She was drunk as a skunk, her head swaying as she listened to us talk. She was smiling a lot more now than on a sober day. Drunk Nebula is so fun.

I went to go and tell another story when I’d noticed Mantis’s eyes shifted somewhere behind me. “Hey ladies,” a few voices spoke from behind me. I turned around and was met with two guys, one of them was jaw droppingly attractive. “I couldn’t help but notice your bottle was getting pretty low,” hot guys friend motioned toward the bottle.

“We’d love to get you a new one if you’d offer us a seat? There’s so many people here, all the booths are taken” hot guy offered with a polite smile, making sure to make eye contact with each of us girls.

I quickly turned my head to the two knowing full and well Nebula would be the only one to disagree. Though to my surprise she’d just happily shrugged. “Eh why not, but make it two bottles of whatever this is” she slid over the bottle to the boys. The blonde (hot guys friend) picked up the bottle to inspect its label. “Ahh, okay sure, two bottles for a seat, we’ve got ourselves a deal,” he smiled before they both went off to the bar to retrieve the liquor.

As soon as they left I whipped my head around to the girls with a wide grin. “That brown haired guy was SO HOT,” I leaned in excitedly.

Mantis was thriving in my good mood and nodded along with me. “He was very handsome! You should make him your boooyyfriend” she dragged out the last word teasingly with a playful smile.

The thought of that made my heart flutter just a little bit. She’s gonna make me delulu talking like that. “He wasn’t terrible” nebula chimed in.

“So, what I’m hearing is that I should flirt with him?” I asked the group and received all yes’s. I slapped a hand over my mouth feeling the adrenaline kick in. “Guys! I can’t, I don’t know what to say!” I whined as if it weren’t my own idea. I turned to see where they were and luckily I did because they were approaching with three bottles in their hands. I looked back at the girls with a finger to my lips signaling them to be quiet about my little crush.

“We decided on three, that way we can all share,” hot guy informed as Mantis scooted over to the left side next to Nebula and I followed her movement to give the boys some space. Hot guy started to get into the booth before his friend paused his motion.

“Oh wait, my buddy says he thinks he knows you, come here real quick I’m gonna show you a picture of him” the friend waved me over out of the booth. I scooted my way out and over to him to glance at the phone at some random guy.

With a furrowed brow I shook my head. “No, I don’t know him. Must be thinking of someone else”

He nodded in acceptance. “Ah, I figured, no harm in seeing though right?” He smiled warmly and I nodded my head back with a yeah.

When we’d turned to get back in the booth he was quick to get in first and get a spot next to Mantis. That sly dog. I grinned at the realization, hot guy slid in next leaving the last spot open for me.

“So girls, who’s gonna take the first drink?” Hot guy asked while him and his friend opened the lids to two of the bottles.

“Why don’t you-“ Mantis began but got stuck on his name. “What is your name?! We don’t even know?” She laughed leaning over the table in her drunken state.

“I’m Malcom,” the hot guy introduced giving each of us a hand shake. When his hand touched mine it was warm, and soft. I glanced up and made accidental eye contact which sent butterflies soaring through my stomach.

“Nice to meet you Malcom,” I smiled flirtatiously. Drunk me was a whole different girl. I had some pretty decent confidence and flirting skills, because if anything went wrong my motto is that it was the liquor talking not me.

“Lovis,” the other introduced copying his friends actions of shaking our hands.

The three of us introduced ourselves to the guys back. “Well Malcom, and Lovis I think you’re due for the first drink since you bought them” I playfully poked pushing the bottles to both of them.

They played around like I was crazy for saying that then both took massive chugs. “That’s strong stuff! You girls are crazy!” Lovis let out an exhale after drinking it and passed it over to Mantis with a mischievous smile. “Your turn”

We all watched Mantis with a smile as she took her turn, Lovis cheered her on. The bottle went over to Nebula but she took a sip and kept it which made us laugh. We decided to let her do her thing and crack open another bottle. Lovis went to take a sip before Malcom stopped him.

“Hey, hey, hey, it’s Mrs. Yn’s turn” he turned to me with an adorable smile before grabbing the bottle from his friend and handing it over. “Let’s see it!” He encouraged.

I smiled back. “Thank you,” I specifically looked at Malcom to tease the fact that Lovis had stolen my turn which made the boys laugh. I took a little sip and put it down.

“Booo” lovis bellowed out making Nebula and Mantis laugh.

“ahh common, you can do better than that!” Malcom pushed the bottle back over. He wrapped his other arm around the back of the booth where I sat, just inches away from being around my shoulder.

I grabbed the bottle and took a few more chugs earning myself some cheers from the group. We continued on getting to know each other and getting drunk. We laughed quite a lot and we felt honestly comfortable with these guys. I could safely say we were having a lot of fun and they were pretty cool guys. At one point in the night Malcom’s arm finally found its way around my shoulder which boosted my confidence to lean into the side of him.

“Guys! Look who the hell decided to show up!” Rocket yelled through a slur making the group turn to look at him. Peter stood there his arm around the girl, he was whispering something into her ear before he finally looked over at the group. When his eyes landed on Malcom’s arm around me he seemed to have zoned out from the conversation for a bit.

“Peter!!!!” Mantis exclaimed “That’s my brother” she explained to Lovis happily.

He played off his emotions with a laugh but he seemed pretty stiff. “Hey guys! The parties here!” He joked taking a sip of his drink. “Who’s this?” He nonchalantly asked Mantis, specifically not me.

“Oh this is Lovis, and Malcom!” She introduced showing Peter who was who with a wide smile. She was just happy to have the people she liked meet.

I couldn’t help myself from continuously looking over at that girl who’d been standing pretty clueless just sipping on her drink. I hate her. “Nice to meet you man,” Malcom reached out to Peter over me slightly.

Peter looked at his hand hesitantly before accepting the shake. “Yeah, for sure” he weirdly responded. He seemed pretty off, his posture was different and the way he was talking just didn’t seem like him.

“Well common everyone sit down!” Mantis insisted while scooting arm to arm with Nebula which she scowled at. Everyone scooted down as much as we could to fit the rest of the group which meant we were all arm to arm, Peter’s girl was going to go in next to me but Peter went in first then grabbed her hand and pulled her into the booth.

He slid all the way down until we were arm to arm and once he was comfortable turned to finally acknowledge my existence. “Oh, hey” he spoke like he didn’t know I was here the whole time.

“Hey,” I kept it short with him because he’s really starting to piss me off. Maybe it’s the alcohol talking, maybe I’m being dramatic but whatever.

He didn’t even seem to notice because he just kept on going. He looked over at the two empty bottles us girls had finished before and then the opened one that sat in front of me from last rotation. “Someone’s drunk,” he commented trying to start up a conversation. He nudged me with his shoulder playfully.

I nodded my head giving a small smile, “Yeah, the boys got it for us,” I turned to give Malcom a smile which he returned.

“Speaking of, let’s get that rotation going again huh?” He held the bottle up for me and I drank from it.

He went to go and drink for himself but I grabbed it. “No! I’ll hold it,” I playfully teased him. I placed one hand on his chest as the other held the bottle to his mouth. I watched as he took a few chugs and once he’d finished I’d cheered, and like a chain reaction the rest of the group did. All but Peter. Lovis grabbed the bottle to continue, while I grabbed Malcom’s face holding it for a minute before wiping the spilled liquor from his chin that I’d spilt. “I’m sorry,” I laughed still holding his face.

He glanced down at my lips for a moment and smiled. “Wowww,” he played back. “Spilling all over me,”

I softly pushed his chest with my hand. “You spilled on me too”

He glanced down to my shirt that actually was a little wet from when he’s fed me the drink. “Aww I’m sorry,” he tilted his head with a cute apologetic smile. “What can I do to make it up to you?”

As I was trying to think of a smooth line to snap back with I felt Peter’s body shift closer to mine, now instead of arm to arm we were pretty much just pressed up against each other side to side. I whipped my head to look and see what was going on and he gave me a shrug. “Was making more room,” he said over the music. Before I could turn back around he’d leaned into my ear. “What are we drinking?” He asked me like he couldn’t just ask the other million people at the table.

“I don’t know Groot stole the first ones and then the boys brought us more,” I explained back, he leaned in to me to hear what I was saying. Part of me felt like he really didn’t need to do that because I could hear Lovis who was further than Peter was from me.

He nodded his head. “So what did you guys do while I was gone?” He watched as Malcom had leaned toward Lovis in conversation and his arm slip off of me.

“We just drank and hung out,” I didn’t know what else to say because that’s really all we did.

He looked at me like I did something wrong, and smiled. “That’s it?! What’s my one rule of going out?” He asked but as he was talking managed to slip his arm up on the top of the booth right by my shoulders like Malcom did earlier.

I turned to look and see if Malcom had any reaction to that but he was still deep in conversation with the other side of the table. When I turned and looked back at Peter his expression was sort of pissed off. Maybe it was because I’d looked for Malcom’s reassurance instead of answering his question? He used the hand that was right above my shoulder to reach it down and grab my shoulder giving it a playful shake. “You gotta dance,” he finished his own sentence for me. Funny enough he decided to leave his hand there. He examined my face for a minute and seemed a little panicked that I hadn’t responded like I normally would’ve. “Plus, I know Xardecks like the back of my hand, you don’t wanna drink this, here come on I’m gonna get you something real to drink”

I huffed turning and see Malcom was still in conversation with the rest of the group. Part of me didn’t want to go with Peter because I find it really annoying he’s acting like this now that I finally have a guy. Of course when it’s him with a girl he can do whatever he wants and I just let it happen. I guess I can use this time to talk to him about it, maybe even consider Malcom as a real thing too. I nodded my head that I was going to go and he turned to talk to the girl and tell the rest of this side to let us out.

We got out of the booth and he glanced around behind him, once he did that he quickly placed his hand on the small of my back before I could turn and see too and led me toward the bar. Once it started to get more crowded he went behind me putting his hands on my hips and led me into a spot at the bar. While we were waiting for the bartenders attention he’d leaned against the counter and gave me a smile. He pulled me in closer to him but covered that up with him trying to tell me something. “You having fun tonight?” He asked into my ear over the now much louder music and talking.

I nodded my head and turned to take in the chaos around me. I felt his thumbs start to rub circles on my hips which made my heart flutter until I remembered why I even came over here with him. “Actually, can we talk outside?” I asked him trying to be as sober as possible for this conversation.

His body stiffened at the question and he didn’t say anything for a little bit. He perked up and held his hand to his ear. “Oh hold on wait, listen to the song!” He did his best at distracting me. “It’s the one we always play on the ship no way! Now you have to dance with me,” he lowered his head giving the expression like I just had to do this.

“Peter…” I sighed which he completely ignored and pulled me out to the dance floor anyways.

He put his hands on my hips swaying the both of us while looking at me. His eyes went from my eyes to my lips then back up again. He put his hand on the small of my back and pulled me chest to chest with him in a romantic way, before talking into my ear over the music again. “You look so pretty tonight baby,” he flirted but the way he was talking was so genuine and loving.

He leaned back and held my chin in his hand and rubbed softly. “Peter, I can’t” I pushed his hands off me and took a step back. His eyes widened and he seemed both shocked and scared all at the same time.

He was quick to follow my movement and step closer to me again. He pulled me back in but this time kissed me with hunger. I pulled back from him again and his face dropped. “You don’t even know that guy,” he seemed rather offended and started answering his own assumptions.

Though his comment actually pissed me off because he made me sound like some slut who goes with anyone. “That’s not the point, and you don’t know the girl you’re with either. Kind of like it is with all the girls you fuck,” I spat finally letting all my anger out.

He looked around angrily with a sigh before back at me. “Don’t change the subject, ever since this guy came around things are different with us,” he pushed back with a furrowed brow. The jealously was dripping off of him.

“What are you talking about?! We’ve literally only been around each other for a few hours,” I snapped back growing more annoyed.

“You’re different with him, I don’t act like that with the girls I go with, it’s never that personal, or- or romantic. You were sitting there with your hand on his chest, talking to each other like he’s your fucking boyfriend,” he really started to let loose now and I could tell this was all from his heart because he was just piling out everything he felt, some of the stuff didn’t even connect with the point he was making before.

I rolled my eyes at this and turned away from him but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back again and held me there for a minute before letting go when I yanked away. “I don’t care what you do with those other girls, I don’t care what you do, who you do, it’s none of my business, you live your life and do your thing and I’ll do mine,” I somewhat broke it off with that one sentence hoping he’d get the gist. The flooding of angry and jealous emotions really took over all rational parts of me and now I’m just acting on emotion and alcohol.

“What?” His mouth propped open then turned into a frown. “No,” he seemed to have been saying this more to himself than to me, like he couldn’t believe it. “You don’t want that,” he pleaded with his eyes. “Tell me, is that actually what you want?” His breathing started to get heavy and his eyes searched mine. He knew the answer he was aching for.

“I’m sorry I don’t do this, I never should’ve. I don’t hook up, I don’t do friends with benefits, I thought that it would save me from feeling my last breakup but now I’m just as sad about this. It’s not who I am I don’t do this, okay?” I felt myself started to get worked up and I knew if I didn’t get out of the building now then everyone in there would see me cry. I shoved myself through the crowd as fast as I could before Peter could pull me back into him again. I wandered off into the night street and blessed the lord when I saw an empty jardec pod. I rushed and climbed inside of it looking around for the button to type in where I’m heading.

“Yn, wait” Peter yelled out from the doors of the building. I started typing fast knowing he’d be making his way over. I can’t handle talking to him right now, it’s not going to go anywhere and I just want to be alone. Right as he was a few steps away from the pod I’d sent my location and it started to drive away.

I put it in to send me to the ship which was about fifteen minutes away. I sat in a sad silence looking out the window at the city around me. I saw a flashing light from my phone when I picked it up to see three missed calls from Peter and one from Mantis. With a huff I tucked my phone back into my pocket and sat out the rest of my ride. One I made it I trudged into the dark and quiet ship, all the way to my bedroom. I plugged my phone in seeing that I’d now had five missed calls from Peter. I figured I’d just talk to him in the morning when I was sober. I was sure I would at least be a decent person and tell him I was home safe. I sent him a quick text.

| Talk to you tomorrow, I’m in the ship right now. Tired. Goodnight, have fun

After literally seconds he’d already responded before I could leave the chat.

| please don’t fall asleep I’m almost there, I need to talk to you

As I was reading I heard another ding

| I’m serious, please

My heart started racing. He’s coming here, he’s almost here. I have no idea what I’m gonna say but I really don’t want to deal with any sadnesses tonight. I paced around my room until finally I’d heard some noise on the ship. My eyes widened and I stood there just listening as his foot steps got closer. The door knob twisted and in came Peter slowly and cautiously. He kept his eyes on mine the entire time as he walked up to me. His eyes seemed irritated and red like he’d been crying or something of the sort. “Can I just say that I never ever wanted to hurt you.” He seemed sad, and he spoke so delicately to me like I was a wounded little bird. “I don’t want you to go,” he admitted full of emotion.

I felt my heart drop at that comment. Peter’s been through a lot, especially after what happened with Gamora. He’s got some trauma and I can see now that even smaller things like this effect him a lot. Tears swelled up in his eyes which he did his best to choke back by clearing his throat and looking away from me. “Peter, I’m not gonna go,” I softly comforted, I reached my hands up and turned his face to me. I rubbed the sides of his cheek while looking into his eyes.

“Not like that yn,” his eyes glanced down at my lips and stayed there. “At first I was doing all that to get over gamora, then I started to realize what we had was real, and I got scared. So I started doing it to get over you,” he glanced back up at my eyes now trying to see my reaction to his confession. So all this time, all those girls, was him trying to get over me? “I just assumed you didn’t feel the same and I know it’s stupid to not have talked to you, but- I don’t know.”

He put his hands over the backs of my hands until I dropped mine while I was taking in what he said. He took that opportunity to rub my cheek instead. His hand trailed down to my chin, until his thumb traced over my lips. “I fell in love with you,” he whispered.

I stood there silent and shell shocked. He. what? “I planned so many different ways to tell you and I never wanted it to be like this but, I couldn’t stand seeing you with someone else. And I know that’s not fair, I know that’s what we agreed on, but I don’t want that,” he rambled on getting a little nervous. “I don’t want anyone else to touch you, I don’t want anyone else to be with you, to even so much as think about you, I want you to myself,” he admitted and trailed his hand back to my jaw.

For a while I was mesmerized. I looked into his pretty teary eyes, his handsome nose all the way down to his perfect plump lips. I said nothing, all I did was nod my head and it was enough for him to know what I meant and what I wanted. At that he immediately leaned in and kissed me. This one was hungry, and full of passion, one hand on my jaw and the other wrapped in my hair on the back of my head softly. I had one hand on the side of his face and the other on his chest as we shared that kiss for a little while. Once we’d backed away we’d both caught our breathe. “I fell for you too Peter, a long time ago,” It felt so good to finally admit it, and the look on his face right now made it so much better. “I want you all to myself, ALL to myself,” I reiterated the last part dramatically with a smile making him chuckle and place his forhead on mine.

“I couldn’t agree more baby,” he couldn’t stop smiling and truthfully neither could I. He was finally mine. A love that was there all along and I never knew.

————

[jjkamochoso]

Hii again! Another request for Feitan x Reader, kind of like the last one. Reade who loves sweet and cute things, gothic lolita, but specifically for this part wants to take Feitan shopping for a matching outfit! He never really changes and she doesn't want to force him, but she's ecstatic when he agrees!! I was thinking something to match her lolita style they could go looking for a Ouji style outfit! He'd look so cute and handsome like that!! Thank you! ♡

I. Am. LIVING. For your request oh my goddddd thank you!!! As a fellow fashion lover this topic is making my heart sing with joy!!🥰 he definitely would look so amazing in the Ouji style!! I didn’t know that was a thing until you mentioned it and now, after much research, I’m obsessed😭😭 Thanks again for the request, I hope you love it!!!

Fashion Forward Feitan

Fluff

Feitan Portor x f!reader

Warnings: small mentions of violence

“Come on, please? It’ll be fun!”

You looked at Feitan with the biggest doe eyes you could muster. You were trying to convince him to go shopping with you once again since it seemed like he enjoyed himself the last time you two perused a boutique together. This time, though, it would be his turn to bring home a new outfit.

“You no think my clothes fit?” he chided, trying to avoid your gaze because he knew you were giving him that look—the one he could barely resist.

“No, they fit fine,” you said, “but I wanted to take you somewhere special. There’s this store that carries a style I think you would look great in.”

“I look bad now?” he asked, his hands tucked in his pockets.

You narrowed your eyes. “Are you being difficult on purpose?”

Feitan smiled mischievously. “Maybe.”

“Okay then,” you sighed wistfully, turning your head toward the floor in mock sadness, “guess I’ll go to the store all by myself. Walk the streets… alone.”

You peeked up at Feitan who was back to his usual of showing no emotions at your words.

You made another attempt at getting a response. “All by my lonesome. In that great, big, dangerous world out there…”

Nothing.

“I’ll go try and pick something out for you. And then if I bring it back and it doesn’t fit, I’ll have to venture out again myself to return it��”

Feitan was wholly unamused by your antics.

“You finished?” he barked. You nodded, anxiously biting your bottom lip in hopes that he was about to agree to your little adventure.

“Good. You talk too much. I go, but only to keep eye on you. You troublemaker.”

You broke out into a smile and clapped your hands, happy that you convinced him. As you ran to find your purse so you could leave, your frilled skirt swirled around you in a mesmerizing dance of satin and tulle and Feitan was so distracted by you that he didn’t register your soft hand on his arm until much too late for someone with his quick reaction time.

“You ready?” you questioned a second time as your first attempt at gaining his attention failed, Feitan seemingly daydreaming. He didn’t respond verbally but headed outside, your hand falling from his arm as he left. You were saddened by the loss of touch between you two, missing the comfort of feeling him. Little did you know, the man many steps ahead of you was feeling the same way.

Your platform shoes clacked against the pavement in your attempt to catch up with the speediest Phantom Troupe member.

“You don’t even know where we’re going,” you grumbled, out of breath when you finally were able to walk side by side with Feitan.

“Not my fault you slow.”

“I talk too much and I’m slow. Anything else you’d like to compliment me on today?”

You look pretty, he thought, but he’d sooner cut out his own tongue before admitting that out loud.

“Let’s see. You passive aggressive.”

You practically growled. “You’re about to make me aggressive aggressive.”

Feitan shivered with excitement at the thought. Since you were usually upbeat and unusually kind at all times (traits he had come to love about you), it still would be a real treat for him to see you unhinged. However, you were already back to your happy-go-lucky self, squealing in delight when a certain shopfront entered your view.

“Here it is!” you exclaimed, your eyes sparkling. Now steps behind you, Feitan walked through the door and furrowed his brow. What was this place? He had never seen fashions like this in his life. There were waistcoats and collared shirts galore, chains and jewelry glittering on displays all around him. As you scurried ahead, already deep diving into the racks, he sauntered behind you, overwhelmed by all the choices in front of him.

“This style is called Ouji,” you explained, picking through shirts. “It’s like the more masculine version of my style, which is gothic Lolita.”

“It’s… different,” he said, but you knew he didn’t mean it in a bad way. It was something he had probably never seen before—and you were happy to introduce him to it!

“What do you think about this?”

You held up a white collared shirt with a ruffle on the front. Feitan shook his head, scrunching his nose under his cowl.

“No white. Stains easy.”

“Good call,” you replied, hanging it up. “Ooh! How about this?”

You plucked another shirt from the rack, this time black with a high neck and long sleeves sporting buttons at the cuff. He looked it over and nodded in agreement.

“That’s a good start,” you said. “What size are you?”

Feitan just shrugged. He didn’t shop much, nor did he pay attention to sizing. Phinks usually brought things home for him and they magically fit.

“Small maybe?” you mused. “I’ll get a medium too in case you want a roomier fit.”

You handed him the two shirts and busied yourself in the pants section while he moseyed over to the accessories. His attention was caught by a jacquard vest with long tails, inky in color, with large buttons down the front. He hummed in amusement as he studied the piece, wondering if it would go with whatever you were picking out. Not caring to put more thought into it, he grabbed one off the rack and walked back to you.

“I went with black breeches since those are easiest to style and- Oh! Look at you, already getting to the fun part of accessorizing.”

You gave him a big smile, happy to see him enjoying himself.

“You should go try this stuff on,” you told him, leading the way to the dressing rooms.

“You can use this room,” the store clerk said, opening the curtain.

“Thank you,” you replied to her, but Feitan wasn’t budging from where he stood.

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

“I no want to get undressed in public. Too vulnerable.”

“I’ll be right here the entire time. No one is getting between me and that curtain, I promise.”

His gray eyes pierced into your own before sighing and entering the dressing room. When the curtain closed, you exhaled out of relief. You wondered if it was going to be difficult shopping with him, especially since he didn’t like change, but everything was going smoothly. Now came the best part about this trip for you: seeing Feitan dressed in exquisite clothing.

Feitan ripped the curtain closed, taking extra precaution to make sure no one could peek through before slowly shedding his old clothes. He pulled the articles of clothing off their hangers in a flash, eager to get dressed in something so he wasn’t feeling as exposed. Covered once more, he examined himself in the mirror. His slender fingers trailed over the foreign clothing currently on his body, feeling the different fabrics under his touch. He had never paid much attention to how he looked in the past, not caring about his level of attractiveness to others. He spent most of his days covered almost head to toe anyway. However, under the bright dressing room lights, in new clothes that showed off his figure in ways he didn’t know possible, he experienced a surge of different emotions all at once: excitement, joy, uncertainty-

“Fei? You alright in there?”

His eyes widened when he heard you. He had been behind the curtain for a long time, hadn’t he?

“I coming, don’t rush me.”

He tried sounding as normal as possible but his voice shook slightly. Grabbing the curtain, he halted his movements as an unknown feeling washed over him.

Was he nervous?

Feitan scoffed. He was a Spider; why was awaiting a girl’s opinion cause him such distress? He took a deep breath and yanked back the curtain, deliberately avoiding looking at your face in fear of seeing your reaction. Your silence was deafening to him and he found himself wishing you would begin talking nonstop like you normally do. You noticed an air about him that was strikingly opposite than normal—he seemed apprehensive. Comfortable in the clothes, not hiding himself away, but just unsure of himself.

No—unsure of you.

“Fei,” you spoke softly, walking towards him, “you look absolutely stunning.”

He had never wished for his cowl more than in that moment so he could hide away from your sweet words that were making a blush blossom across his face.

“You’re so handsome,” you breathed out as he finally looked up, his black hair falling into his eyes.

“Tch. You ridiculous,” he replied, but there was no bite to his tone. Was he secretly thankful that you were pleased with the way he looked? Of course he was. You were his pride and joy, his treasure amongst the trash of the world. Your opinion was the only one he genuinely cared about all the time, other than his own. He was deeply loyal to you and would follow you to the ends of the earth. And if he got to wear this Ouji style every once in a while on that journey? He’s not mad about that.

“You know how I feel about it, but how about yourself? You like?” you asked, a hopeful lilt in your voice.

After a few seconds passed, Feitan answered. “I do. I like very much.”

Your eyes lit up. “Really? Ugh, I’m relieved! I would’ve felt horrible if you hated it!”

Feitan had to fight the tiny smile that threatened to appear on his lips.

“I get this. Keep for special occasions.”

“Your outfit would go perfectly with that dress I got the last time we went shopping! We’re going to look so good together!”

You kept talking about outfits and your delight at his willingness to coordinate with you but he wasn’t really listening. He was too busy watching you and feeling another surprising emotion for the day:

Love.

[builtbybrokenbells]

CAPITAL VICES | PRIDE

Pride: an excessive view of one’s self without regard for others

Masterlist

Listen while reading: Little Wing - Jimi Hendrix, Nobody Home - Pink Floyd

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 14k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex, morning sex, quickie (ish), fingering (f!receiving), choking, praise, degradation, name calling, sir kink, begging, dom/sub, overstimulation, rough sex, dirty talk, touch of bratty sub, showering together, fluff (lots), angst, arguing, fighting, crying, breakups/mentions of breakups, mentions of death/dying, mentions of loss of a parent, grief, swearing, sorry if i miss any!

I wasn’t going to post this today but I just couldn’t help myself 😁 don’t hate me too much ;) as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes!

“Wake up, sweetheart.” A soft kiss was placed on your shoulder, the light tickle just the right amount of sweetness to wake you up in a good mood. You had grown accustomed to Jake’s presence in the early mornings; your defence was down, and in some strange way, you’d even grown to love it. You hummed in response, neglecting to open your eyes and see what he wanted from you. You could still feel him wrapped around you, your back pressed tightly against his chest and his touch warming your soul. A light hand was on your hip, his fingers lazily holding you in a show of clear affection. Whatever he wanted was nothing important, and that you were certain of.

“Five more minutes.” You protested, pulling the blanket closer to your chest. He chuckled at your reluctance, continuing to pepper kisses across your shoulder.

“It’s late, angel. You should get up.” He tried again, the little white lie slipping past his lips to encourage you to open your eyes. His hand drifted a little further downwards, his fingertips now grazing your bare thigh.

“I have nothing to do today.” You argued, trying not to give into his gentle touch. The temptation was impossible to resist, but you put up the fight for as long as you could.

“Nothing to do?” He teased. “Not even me?” Even with your eyes closed, you had to fight off the urge to roll them at his shameless flirting.

“You’ll be here all day,” you grumbled, struggling to ignore his hand that was drifting towards your heat. You had only been awake for a moment, but the familiar ache was already growing too strong to ignore. “I’m sure you can wait a little while.”

“Haven’t you learned that lesson already?” Your breath hitched in your throat as his fingers slipped between your legs. “I don’t like waiting, angel.” A rush of arousal ran through you at the memory of the night before. Although he gave you what he thought was a punishment, it did not seem to deter you from wanting to deny him again. Whatever he was trying to teach you did not seem to stick. Whether that was due to his poor teaching ability or your undying need for him, you did not know. What you did know was that despite his efforts, he could not seem to fuck the brattiness out of you and his form of punishment was highly enjoyable. You were eager to press the same buttons just to experience sex like that again.

In truth, there were a million lessons he had tried hard to teach you, but you never cared to listen. It had nothing to do with his ability, and everything to do with your own stubbornness.

Perhaps if you listened, you might have avoided the disaster that was looming just overhead.

“Maybe you need to remind me again.” You yawned, and although it was not on purpose, it seemed to fit the narrative perfectly. “Not sure if I remember correctly.”

“Come on, sweetheart. Don’t start with me again.” He sighed, his fingers finally reaching your cunt. You took in a sharp breath in reaction to the feeling, still sore and sensitive from the night before. “I thought I fucked that little attitude out of you?” His finger ran through your wetness, trailing it all the way up to your clit where he began tracing slow circles. You shifted, rolling over on your back to allow him easier access to you. His eyes drifted over your face, a small smile stuck on his lips as he admired your beauty in the light of the early morning. “Nothing to say?” He questioned, keeping his movements steady, but light.

“Wouldn’t want to hurt your feelings.” You lied through your teeth, knowing that he was right. You had zero arguments, and the only reason you felt the need to talk back was because you wanted him to touch you. Now that you had gotten what you wanted, you felt that you could comfortably remain in silence.

“Right,” he chuckled, unable to find the desire to chastise you.

His eyes were fixated on your face as he drank in every detail you had to offer. The specs of brown that floated amidst the color of your irises, the way your eyelashes drooped down and dusted the dark circles under your eyes every time your eyelids fluttered closed. He stared long enough to notice the speckled freckles that littered the bridge of your nose, barely noticeable from a distance but mesmerizing when he got close enough. He studied the few scars that were painted on your skin, reminding him of a lifetime that he did not know about but so desperately wanted to. They were so light now that they barely even existed anymore, but he was so immersed in the constellations they formed across your face that he was sure he would never miss them again.

He watched as your lips parted as waves of pleasure washed over you, wishing so desperately that you would let a moan slip past your lips just so he could have the chance to hear the melody again. He wanted to kiss you, or to at least speak his adoration into the universe, but he seemed frozen in place. He had locked himself in with lust, stalemating his own feelings and making it so they could never surface. What he felt for you in that moment was a feeling stronger than love; it was adoration, safety, happiness, and a sense of home he hadn’t felt since he was young, nestled in his childhood bedroom after his parents tucked him into bed. He felt all of the things for you that he was certain this lifetime would never grant him, and he had no idea what to do with all of it.

That night at the bar, he found you so compelling that he could not force himself to walk away. Your beauty was blinding, and your charm was irresistible despite your rejection. Had he known at that moment that you would be so important to him, he never would have spoken a casual relationship into fruition. Dating was not his forte, and he never wanted to do it again, yet now that he sat face to face with his love for you, it was the only thing he wanted. He wanted all of the things he previously denounced as long as it was with you, but he was terrified of his own revelations. It made him want to run, to hide and never be seen again just to ensure that his heart would be safe. Then, he looked at you for a second too long and he realized he would run for so long and so far that he would land straight back in your arms. If he left, he would search for you until the day he died, and if he still could not find you, he would spend the next life searching, too.

Through the weeks of hookups and long nights spent sleeping beside you in bed, he’d fallen for you unintentionally and beyond anything he’d ever known. He fell in love with you in the most sincere and honest way, and the intensity in which he felt it nearly gutted him. He loved you without expectation, nor any requirement. He loved you silently, and he loved you loudly. Through smiles and shared touches, through small stories about the young girl that lived through travesty so the young woman he adored could flourish, and through memories made by the cumulative hours spent holding each other and laughing with each other after sex. He loved you through spoken words, shared jokes and playful banter. He loved you enough that it was hard to be away from you, and he loved you enough that his apartment felt like it belonged to you more than it ever belonged to him.

As he watched your face, the man who had seduced you into bed for the first time ceased to exist. He was no longer a devilish being that was driven by concupiscent thoughts; he was a boy who wanted more than just the sex the two of you had based your entire relationship around. For the first time since knowing you, the last thing he wanted to do was fuck you. He wanted to hold you until the morning bled into the afternoon, cocooned in blankets and suffocating in the sweetness of your laughter. He wanted to ignore every single growl of hunger, and every scorching sensation of thirst. He didn’t need anything other than you in his arms, and he didn’t want anything more than the simplicity of loving you.

The devil had finally met his maker, and it was far more sinister than anything he ever imagined before. You were everything all at once, the very thing that breathed life into his soul, and the only thing that could take it away. If he had half a brain, he would have already ran out the door, but he could not fathom leaving your side. His fear made him withdraw, and his love made him stay. He was being ripped apart by his own moral struggle, but he felt so much love for you that it completely overshadowed the pain that came along with it.

Instead of facing his conflict, he slipped his thumb to your clit as his fingers rested on your entrance. Before he could debate the consequences, he began pumping his fingers into you as he moved his thumb in time. With his eyes still fixated on your face, he tried to harness the same energy as the first night he met you. The filthy desire for you, rather than the love that ran so deep it made his veins dry of blood.

“That feels so good, baby.” You whimpered, your eyes fluttering open to catch sight of his own. Had you not been so lost in bliss, you might have noticed the pain that was shining through the cloud of desire. He could not respond, fearful that a confession might slip out instead of an encouragement. Instead, he leaned down and pressed his lips to your own. It silenced you from spewing any more beautifully venomous words that would in turn convince him to tell you all his heart felt for you.

As he kissed you, it did nothing but worsen the ache in his chest. His hand continued working at you, begging for an orgasm to hopefully lessen the discomfort of love and heighten the lust that so often burned in his chest. He was desperate for you to orgasm, but it was for a reason much different than all of the times before. It had absolutely nothing to do with remembering, and instead, everything to do with forgetting. He watched your expression twist into one of pleasure, and he hurt at the thought of you being so oblivious to the things that he was feeling for you. He wondered, just for a moment, if you had ever felt that way about him in the time you had spent together. He could not focus on the thought, because it pained him to know that you did not.

“Fuck, Jake.” You gasped, feeling the pit of your stomach ignite with a fire he so often caused.

“Yeah? Does that feel good, angel?” He crooned, his eyes heavy and a lazy smile plastered on his lips. He did a great job at covering up the damage he had done to himself. “Do you want to cum for me?”

“Yes, please.” You groaned, your hand clasping around his bicep in hopes of keeping him there forever. You had a slight mistrust for him since he denied you of the pleasure so many times the night prior. Little did you know, denying you anything was nearly impossible for him, especially in that moment when sleep was still threatening your eyes and your need for him was primal.

“You sound so pretty when you beg for me.” He muttered, imagining the sight of his hand driving you to insanity underneath the blanket. He took in a long breath as his eyes fluttered closed, listening intently to the noises falling so delicately from your lips. “Cum for me, sweet girl.” The silky smooth tone of his voice was all it took to push you over the edge. You clenched around his hand, uttering ugly curses painted with the beauty of his name. The vulgarity of the scene would turn any man to his knees before god, yet somehow it was so ethereal when the obscenities were doused in his name, like holy water working to rid you of the sin. “That’s it, angel.” He coaxed you through it, gentle and sweet as if he wasn’t opening the gates to hell and pushing you inside.

As you rode out the euphoria, your eyes settled on his face in a similar manner as he had been watching you. You thought your heart might stop and you would ascent to the heavens from the picture of his beauty alone. He was looking down at you, his warm brown eyes casted down upon the bridge of his nose to soak in every inch of your expression of pleasure. They were warm, inviting you in and promising to keep you safe. The permanent upturn of his lip made your chest ache and your eyes cross with stars. The smirk, although infuriating at first, had quickly turned itself into something you could not live without. The soft locks of brown hair hung down to frame his rosy cheeks, flushed at the sight of you in such a state. His eyebrows were furrowed slightly, barely enough to notice, but too much for you to bear. His dark eyelashes casted a shadow over his stare, but it did not offset the intensity of his eyes burning into you. The blemishes and scars left behind on his skin were in tune with your own, allowing you to realize that the man you’d made out to be a godless entity was nothing but a boy who was mindlessly trying to make it through life alive, strikingly similar to yourself.

When you breathed out the last of the pleasure from your orgasm, you expected the fleeting moment of adoration to fade away with it. When your chest was steady, back to its normal rhythm, it did not seem to disappear. The cloud of sexual tension dissipated, and so did the sensation in the pit of your stomach and between your legs, but the swell of your heart did not seem to want to follow. He gave you a few slow blinks, the smirk turning into a smile as he recognized the far away look in your eyes. It was the same one he had been watching you with, but he would never speak a word to you about it. The confirmation in your expression was enough for him to move on from it without speaking it into existence.

You bit down on the inside of your lip ever so gently, holding back the words that were begging to be spoken. He didn’t interrupt your moment of clarity, but he did admire you while the reality washed over you. He withdrew his hand from you, but you were too enthralled in the details of his face to notice, the ones that only you had access to. You loved him in every way you knew to be possible, but it felt like you were choking on the confession. Slowly, the words would suffocate you and you would never get the opportunity to speak the truth.

“You’re beautiful, Jake.” You choked out, managing the compliment if nothing else.

“As are you, sweetheart.” He leaned down, placing a soft kiss on your forehead. You were struggling to find another word to speak, but your train of thought was cut off by the ring of the doorbell. You snapped out of the trance in a panic, wondering who would be knocking at your door so early in the morning. Before you could scramble out of bed to investigate, he laid a gentle hand on your stomach as if to tell you it was okay.

“Almost forgot why I woke you up.” He chuckled, sending a soft, reassuring smile your way. You raised an eyebrow as he stood, adjusting himself in his pants before he retreated to answer the door. “I ordered food, and I didn’t want it to get cold before you got the chance to eat.”

“Oh,” you breathed, your head still swimming with confliction about the feelings arising in your chest. “Thank you.” He watched you for a moment, his head cocking to the side in confusion at your lack of argument. When you didn’t follow your statement up with any kind of rejections or insults, he gave a slow nod before walking out of the room.

You collapsed against the pillows as soon as he was out of sight, heaving a heavy sigh of relief. You were so disoriented that you almost considered asking him to go home so you could sort through your thoughts, but the idea of him leaving struck a painful nerve in your heart. You had no idea why you were so infatuated with him, or why the sight of his face brought you to such weakness. He was the same Jake that had laid in your bed dozens of times before, and it was the same hand between your leg giving you the same, earth-shattering orgasm. Although those were all good things, they weren’t any different than the days that came and passed before. What changed, you did not know.

Denial is a disease, and you were plagued with it.

You were so deep in your pondering about the strange feelings sparking in your chest that you failed to realize Jake was bringing you not only breakfast, but was intending to bring you breakfast in bed. It was the furthest thing from your agreed upon rule, but it was so minuscule to you now that you barely even thought twice about it. Breakfast was the least incriminating thing the two of you had done together in regards to romance, and you knew that, even if you didn’t want to face the truth.

So, instead of either of you digesting the feelings and speaking up about them, you compartmentalized them and simply pretended they did not exist.

Sloth still had its deadly hold on your hearts, and it was slowly beginning to take a control of your lives.

Before Jake returned, you stood and made your way to the kitchen in attempt to mitigate the effects of breakfast in bed. You were still dazed and completely lost in your thoughts when you took post by the kitchen island. When he returned and noticed you were not in the same spot he left you, he stood beside you without a word, a takeout bag in one hand and a tray of coffee in the other. When he sat the items on the counter, relief flooded you instead of fear. You were not relieved to be sharing such an intimate meal, but because you would have something to occupy yourself with while you tried to swallow down your confessions of love.

Then, when your hand grabbed the bag, you could not seem to bring it any closer to you. Your body was rejecting the thought of food, and the smell was nearly sickening. You were so distraught from your revelations that you couldn’t even stomach the idea of eating. Jake mindlessly sipped away at the cardboard cup in his hand, barely noticing your stunned gaze. He’d already gotten over the painstaking realizations and had pushed them so deep down inside of him that they barely existed at all.

“Not hungry, angel?” He asked, his hand finding your hip as he moved behind you. Your eyes closed at the contact, the relief instantaneous and the comfort immeasurable.

“No, guess not.” You muttered, trying your best to focus on the feeling of his touch rather than the emotion running rampant in your chest.

“Interested in something else, by any chance?” You could feel his erection pressing into your ass. Pleasing you had worked him up to the point of no return, and now eating breakfast was the last thing on his mind.

“Is sex all you think about?” You chuckled, feeling the unease begin to fade. Everything was easy to forget about when his hands were on you, holding you so close.

“You make it hard to think about anything else.” He admitted, slipping his hands underneath his t-shirt that was resting on your thighs. You couldn’t deny the feeling that blossomed in your stomach, and you had to agree that when the two of you were together, sex had always been the most pressing thought.

“Don’t put the blame on me for your filthy imagination, Jacob.” You smirked, finding a shred of your normal personality making a return.

“Wasn’t blaming you, angel. Simply just stating a fact.” He pushed the shirt to your hips, a low growl sounding from his chest at the sight of your exposed lower half. “You know I always have to finish what I've started.”

“Make it quick, honey. I’d hate for you to waste another coffee on my behalf.” You breathed, trying your best to make it seem as if the position was not affecting you. In truth, your legs were quivering at the thought of him being inside you again, and your stomach was already tied in knots, ready to snap from the tension.

“Haven’t I told you already?” He freed himself from his sweatpants, forgoing any formalities or foreplay. Getting you off had already pushed him to the point of insanity, and he feared that if he had to wait a second longer he might die from the disease of needing you. He rested the tip of his cock on your entrance, pausing there only for a moment so he could speak again. “This is worth more than anything else in the world.” His words were firm, forcing you to believe it to be truth even if you wanted to refute it. He avoided what he really wanted to confess, knowing that if his emotions were coated in a protective shield of lust, it was less likely to scare you away. He so badly wanted to tell you that it was not the sex that was worth the world in gold, it was you.

He hated the fire burning in his chest, not because of the intensity, but because he knew that you were the one who so often ignited it. He promised that love would not complicate your relationship, but love had been tangling itself in your souls since the first time your eyes locked together. It was there before the first word was spoken, and long before the first touch. It was there in the beginning, before he ever stepped foot in the bar. It guided him to you, speaking soft whispers through the moonlight in hopes of landing him directly by your side.

Of course, fate was such a twisted little thing; to make two people who denounced the callings of their own heart fall irrevocably in love was a sinister act, but it was undeniably true. The two of you were meant to find each other, to experience such serenity at the hands of another and to find love that did not make you want to seek shelter from the explosion. You were meant to learn love in its true form, not the kind where raised voices and fists chilled the warmth it created, and not one in which infidelity and mistrust blackened its golden glow. Most of all, you were meant to give it to each other as much as you were meant to learn it. Sloth had affected you so badly because you were so good at caring for each other in a way nobody else had, and it was a heinous crime to withhold that kind of care from each other.

This love did not leave a bitter taste in his mouth, nor did it leave one in yours, but it did strike so much fear within you that it was nearly paralyzing. You knew you felt strongly about him, and you knew why you felt that way, but it did not make the fact easily digestible. You hadn’t felt a feeling so strong since before the tragic end of your last marriage, and you had been perfectly content with never feeling it again. It was not warm and fuzzy like it was to so many others; to you, it was violent and painful, and it made you ache all over when you thought about how much he meant to you. You were terrified of letting him in, but you were even more fearful of losing him. Above all, you were so scarred from the past that you feared that once your guard was down, the Jake you knew would morph into a monster that would hurt you far beyond what anyone else had done.

You knew you should not blame him for the mistakes others had made, but what you had experienced at the hands of love made the whole idea turn sour in your mind. You knew it was implausible, but if you could, you would have lived the rest of your life alone and never let anyone get too close.

When he pushed inside of you, the turmoil living inside both of your hearts immediately settled. Nothing ever seemed to matter when he was so close to you, and perhaps that was the most dangerous of all.

“God, you feel so fucking good angel.” He groaned, biting his tongue so he wouldn’t let any more sweetness slip out. “What do you do to me?” He muttered, looking down at his hips as they fucked into you. His eyes focused intently as he slowed his movements slightly, increasing the intensity of his thrusts, instead. He was so infatuated with you that the sight of him fucking you had quickly turned into his favourite sight to see.

“Harder, Jake.” You pleaded, gripping on to the countertop as you prepared for more. The feeling was already overwhelming, your last orgasm still lingering on your skin. The newly discovered feelings did nothing to aid your ability to withhold a climax, and if anything, feeling such things with him inside of you was only worsening the love blossoming in the deepest depths of your heart.

“You want more, angel?” He smirked, doing exactly what you wanted. A yelp sounded as he slammed against your cervix, your knees buckling under the weight of your body as you struggled to keep yourself upright. “Tell me how good I make you feel.” He ordered. His words were heavy, and the intent had nothing to do with the power trip he usually found himself in during sex. It had everything to do with how badly he needed to hear you say it, how badly he needed to know that you needed him the same as he needed you.

“You make me feel so good, Jake.” You felt no need to fight the truth, and if feeding into his ego would ensure he never stopped, you would praise him until your lungs collapsed from a lack of oxygen. “Nobody can make me feel this good, only you, Jake.”

“Fuck,” he huffed, reaching down and pulling you up off the counter. He only withdrew for a second, just long enough to grab you by the hips and lift you up. He sat you on the counter, wasting little time before making a home between your legs again. He pulled you to the edge of the countertop, lining himself up with you and pushing back inside. “Being so good for me, today. What’s gotten into you?” He teased, smiling down at your pleasure ridden expression. The new position limited his movement, but it was all the more euphoric now that you could see his face.

You could not tell him the truth as to why you were so well behaved, because it had everything to do with the aching feeling of love burrowing into the muscles in your chest. You could not confess because of your own fears of falling in love, but even more so because of the fear of him not feeling the same. He had been just as intent on keeping your relationship casual, and you worried that if he knew you were losing your grip on your sanity, he would run and you would never see him again.

Instead, you leaned forward and captured him in a kiss, silencing yourself before you said something you could not take back.

Pride was filling the room, protecting your own ego’s while destroying anything that tried to infiltrate the walls you’d built up so high.

The two of you needed to hear the word so badly, but you could not let down your guard enough to give each other the satisfaction.

He let out a moan into your mouth as your walls clenched around him. You drank in the sound, letting it settle into your bones and overtake any moral and rationality that still existed. In that moment, after hearing a sound, no, tasting a sound so beautiful, you would have given your whole life for him without a second thought, just so you might be able to experience it again.

“Cum for me, angel.” He was begging you, and this time he had little choice in hiding it. “Please, baby.” The vulnerability in the two words absolutely shattered your psyche, and you no longer had control of the climax. There was no holding back, even if you wanted to. Your legs locked around him and your stomach burned as the muscles tightened. The pleasure you were feeling was maddening, and the only thought you could form was his name. It fell from your lips like a prayer, but there was no holy entity that could save you from his wrath. You had reached the pits of hell and there was no way you could climb your way out of it, now. The embers were familiar, and the brazen flames were inviting. The truth was harrowing, but you knew you would live within his sin happily for the rest of eternity. He made the worst of suffering seem pleasant, and he could even make the cold grasp of death seem comforting.

As you were coming down from the high, he pulled back from the warm embrace of your arms wrapped around his neck. You were so weak that you could not even mourn the loss of the closeness. He took one quick glance over your shoulder, ensuring that there was nothing laying on the table behind you. When he noticed the area was clear, he pushed your top half down on the table with the ferocity of a wild animal. He cushioned your head as you descended onto the frigid granite countertop, but did not care too much about your shock at the change in temperature. With a rough motion, he pulled your hips towards him again, tapping your leg so you knew to keep them locked around him.

With the new found freedom, he resumed his pace with a whole new type of strength. The obscenities falling from your lips were filthy, painting the kitchen with a sinful memory you would remember fondly for years to come. One of his hands trailed up your stomach, the light tickle offset the burning overstimulation from the movement of his hips. His fingers settled loosely around your neck, but he did not apply any pressure straight away. His thumb and index finger landed on your pulse points, and his eyes watched your face closely, clouded with desire and heavy with love.

“Can you do it again, sweet girl?” His voice was husky, his fingers tightening a little more with every word he spoke.

“I don’t think I can,” you whined, unsure if the burn of the overstimulation would ever subside into the pleasure he so often gave you. His pace felt bruising, and the pain for once seemed to overshadow the enjoyment.

“You can, baby.” He encouraged. “You’re being so good for me, angel. Just one more.” You choked out a moan at the sound of his sweet words. He slipped his other hand between your legs, his thumb tracing circles over your clit as he tightened his fingers once more. “Or do you just need to me to treat like a whore?” He questioned, his jaw hard set and his stare fiery. “Is that what it takes to get you off? Being treated like a slut?”

“Oh, fuck.” You whimpered, squeezing your eyes shut at his filthy question.

“That’s it, angel.” He hummed, feeling his hips stutter at the look on your face. You had always been his biggest weakness, and even after months of doing the same dance, that never seemed to change. The knot in your belly tightened, the pressure nearly unbearable. He seemed to pry the orgasm from you without even trying. All it took was the right words, and he had you in a complete mess for him. “You take it so good,” he hissed, trying to think of anything other than how good you felt wrapped around him.

His hand locked in against your throat, constricting the blood flow to your head. Your heart was pounding against your chest, the sound filling your ears and begging to be felt behind your eyes. You tried to keep your gaze focused on his face, his hair sticking to the soft, tan skin in the most delicious way. His eyebrows were furrowed together, and the animalistic expression was driving you mad. Your head felt woozy and your chest burned for air. Your eyes fluttered closed as the pressure reached its peak, and for a moment you feared that you might fall unconscious because of his unwavering hold. The pleasure was skewing his judgment, and he was teetering on a dangerous line. With both hands focused intently on you, you descended into a climax with no way of voicing your euphoria. A raspy croak left your lips to let him know you were there, but he could feel the clench of your cunt around him and the lock of your legs drawing him further into you.

He caught your eye, noticing the far away look and instantly feeling a wave of panic. He released his hold on your neck, allowing the blood flow to return and a breath of air fill your lungs. As you rode out the high, he let his fingers gently massage the place they’d just assaulted while he fucked you through it. When you relaxed against him, he couldn’t hold himself back any longer. His hips stuttered and pleasure took over, sending him over the same edge you’d just fallen from. He spilled his release into you, his pace remaining steady until he milked every second of pleasure from the orgasm as he could. He leaned back slightly, watching as he fucked his release back into you. The sight nearly brought him into a second climax, intoxicated by the fact that only he was lucky enough to have you in such a way.

When his hips slowed to a stop, a lazy smile crossed both of your faces. “Sorry, I just couldn’t help myself.” He chuckled, letting his eyes drift over your chest still clothed with his t-shirt.

“I’m not complaining.” You assured him.

“Are you okay?” He asked, inspecting your neck. There was lingering redness from where his fingers were holding you, but it seemed superficial.

“I am.” You promised. “What’s gotten into you this morning?” His purchase of food and the sweetness of his morning wake-up was different than usual. Paired with the carnal desire and the overly concerned look in his eyes, you began to fear he was feeling the exact same way as you were.

“I don’t know.” He lied, giving a small laugh to avoid the subject. He knew exactly what had gotten into him, but it was the last thing he wanted to talk about. He was terrified of the love he had for you in his heart, and he was nowhere near ready to bring it up. “Let’s get cleaned up.” He said, running a gentle thumb over your blushed cheek. Your eyes fluttered closed at the feeling, and for a moment, you wished to stay there all day immersed in the moment of intimacy. You turned your head to the side, placing a small kiss on the pad of his thumb. The small gesture made his knees weak and nearly sent him falling to the ground. His heart sang with affection for you and his stomach twisted into knots.

He was a dead man walking, and you were not far behind him.

With his help, you slid from the counter and made your way to the bathroom. You cleaned up first, your eyes lingering on the shower, yearning for the feeling of warm water soothing your aching muscles. You pulled your shirt over your head and took a step towards the faucet, flicking it on without a second thought. You looked over your shoulder at him, an eyebrow raised in inquiry.

“You want me to fuck you in the shower, now?” He laughed. “What’s gotten into you?”

“No,” you shook your head, your voice quiet and anxious. You weren’t sure why you asked, but you desperately hoped that he would agree. The simple innocent intimacy seemed enticing, and you so badly wanted to be surrounded by his comfort for a little while longer. “Just a shower.”

“Oh,” he tried to hide the surprise in his tone, not wanting you to take it the wrong way. “Of course, angel.” He couldn’t seem to muster the strength to voice his enthusiasm over the idea, but his whole body was filled with delight at the thought of showering with you.

A small smile crossed your lips as you stepped inside, holding your hand out to him. He stepped towards you, his hand landing delicately in your own. When he was under the water with you, he slid the door shut, the steam already billowing around you both and fogging the glass. His arms snaked around your waist, pulling your body into his as the droplets washed down over both of you.

“Do you have anything else to do today?” You asked, your palm pressed lightly against his chest as you gazed up in admiration at his face.

“Nothing more important than this.”

Casual was long gone, and you were digging your graves. The final resting places were side by side, a tunnel dug through the earth so you could decompose hand in hand until the end of eternity.

“You must have really missed me, then.” You smiled, brushing the wet hair from his face.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.” He teased, placing a kiss to the top of your head. You both knew he missed you more than words could express, and you missed him just the same. For a moment, the two of you remained in each other's arms in silent bliss. Then, you reluctantly pulled away from him to reach for the bottle of shampoo that was on the shelf behind him. “Here,” he whispered, reaching for the bottle. You handed it to him, confused at his motive. You watched as he poured a small amount into the palm of his hand, then he placed it back on the shelf. He motioned for you to turn around, which you did without argument. His hand came to your head and he slowly began massaging the shampoo into your mess of tangled locks.

You closed your eyes and leaned against him, enjoying the soothing touch and feeling your chest ache with the intensity of adoration you held for him. You weren’t sure you’d ever experienced such kindness and gentleness at the hands of another, and you had no idea why you ever doubted that it would be from him that you received it. When he was certain your hair was fully coated in shampoo, a smile began to eat away at his lips as he brought all of your hair together at the top of your head.

“What are you doing?” You giggled, feeling the shake of laughter run through his body.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” He dismissed you, still trying to form your hair together.

“If you’re trying to get it to stand up, it’s not going to work.” You couldn’t hold back your laughter, finding the childish humor contagious.

“You have no faith in me.” He let out a disapproving tsk, reaching his arms upwards in hopes that the makeshift mohawk would stay. For a few seconds, it stood, then it toppled over under the weight of the soap. The two of you burst out into laughter as the hair fell into your face, splattering the soap across your skin in a dramatic fashion.

“For good reason.” You explained, stepping forward into the water to wash the suds away from your eyes. He took a step towards you again, raising his hands to your head to help you wash the shampoo out. “Your turn.” You said, ringing the water from your hair as you stepped out from under the shower head.

“My turn?” He questioned, looking down at you with curiosity. You let out a hum of agreement, nodding your head.

“Unless you don’t want to use my shampoo, then it’s okay.” You digressed, worried that he might not want to smell your memory long after he went home.

“No, it’s okay.” He promised, fearful he gave you the wrong impression. A smile crossed your lips as you reached for the bottle again, this time bringing your hands to his hair as you massaged the soap throughout his long locks. When the soap was sufficiently sudsy, you compiled all of his hair into a neat little knot on the top of his head.

“I don’t think I’m tall enough.” You giggled.

“That’s okay, angel.” He found your laughter contagious, both of you giggling at nothing other than the joy that came from being together. Before you washed your hands free of soap, you quickly swiped a few of the bubbles onto his nose. “Hey!” He scolded, trying his best to look down at the bubbles littering his face. He reached forward, snaking his arms around your waist as he pulled you into him. You let out a shriek of laughter as he leaned down to kiss you, inevitably getting soap all over you, too. The blissful bubble the two of you existed within in that moment was impenetrable.

But, all good things must come to an end eventually, and not even your perfect little world was safe from the harshness of reality.

You both finished washing yourselves, reluctantly stepping out of the warm water and into the cold air. You tossed a towel at Jake while you grabbed one for yourself, wrapping your body in the fluffy fabric and relieving yourself from the frigid air. Once you were both sufficiently dry, Jake wrapped the towel tightly around his waist, watching you as you secured yours around your chest. You grabbed a smaller towel from your closet, wrapping your hair in it and settling it on your head.

You walked out of the bathroom, looking over your shoulder to make sure he was following. He thought it was laughable that you worried he wasn’t, because if he had it his way, he’d never let you stray too far away. He followed you into your bedroom, hoping for a second that your towel would falter. The boyish part of his brain never left, and he seemed to always be in that state of mind around you; pure, unadulterated joy that knew no bounds. He was always excited to see you naked, even if he’d seen it a hundred times. He was always thrilled to see a smile on your face or a laugh stuck on your lips. He loved listening to the words you had to say, even if they were mindless insults thrown his way. You brought out the part in him he thought he’d lost long ago, and he was afraid of the feeling fleeing him again.

As you dressed yourself, he watched intently. It was not in a sexual way, nor with any hidden desire. He loved admiring you even in the simplest of ways. He didn’t move to find clothes of his own until one of his t-shirts was hanging down to your thighs and a pair of shorts was secure underneath. He slipped on a pair of his sweatpants he’d brought with him and discarded his towel in your laundry hamper.

“I suppose we should probably eat.” You chuckled, stepping towards him but going no further. He smiled at your comment, realizing that you’d left your breakfast without a second thought. His hand landed on your waist as he pulled you into him, and he placed a soft kiss on your lips.

“Let’s go, then.” He always wanted you to move first, just so he could be certain you wanted it and weren’t doing it just because he wanted to. You lead him back to the kitchen, looking over the counter that you’d just disgraced with your sinful actions. At the memory, another feeling of arousal blossomed in the pit of your stomach. Instead of acting on them, you grabbed your coffee cup and stuck it in the microwave. He grabbed two plates and put the respective sandwiches on them. When the microwave beeped, he passed the food to you to warm next while sipping on his cold coffee.

He’d grown to like it that way, because with you around, he never seemed to drink it while it was still warm, and you had yet to hear a single complaint about it.

“Thanks for getting this,” you hummed, taking a sip from your own cup. You’d still neglected to process that you were breaking the only rule you’d put in place. He did not order breakfast for any spiteful reason, or to push your boundaries; he did it simply because it felt right, and he was itching to do something nice for you after going so many days without you.

“No need for thanks.” He said, brushing off the acknowledgement. He felt no desire to be praised for something he was so eager to do. Once your food was heated sufficiently, you held your plate tightly in your hand, thinking intently about your next move. “What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” You looked up at him, your eyes catching his own for a moment. The sweetness in his stare made your next choice the easiest one you’d ever made.

“Come with me.” You nodded down the hallway, hoping he wouldn’t protest. Little did you know, he’d never say no to anything you asked of him. You led him through the dining room, all the way to the end of the hallway where a door sat, rarely opened and never seen by a guest before that day. You balanced your coffee cup on your plate carefully, twisting the knob with great caution. You took a deep breath as you pushed the door open, willing yourself to keep moving forward as you stepped inside.

He was close behind you, silent and eyes wandering the new room he had yet to see. When you were fully inside and waiting for him to join you, he took a step inside, too. His eyes scanned the walls, an unfamiliar feeling rising in his chest as he drank in the detail and tried his best to sear it into his memory. Your heart was erratic against your ribs, your anxiety plaguing you as you watched his expression intently.

The picture frames decorated the walls, leaving little room to spare. Some were so close together that the delicate designs of the frames blended together. They were filled with photographs of smiling faces, so bright and beautiful that it nearly took his breath away. The daylight poured in from the windows, casting a golden glow over every object that made home inside the room. In the middle sat a piano, the top looking slightly dusty from months of being forgotten about. Piano books littered the few bookshelves that fit on the walls between the picture frames. On one sat an old camera that looked to be from the nineties, and just below it sat an acoustic guitar on a stand that appeared to be homemade.

“Welcome to my life.” You whispered, taking a seat on the bench sat in front of the piano. “What do you think?”

“I can’t believe you’ve been hiding this all this time.” He breathed, exasperated at the thought. “This piano is stunning.” He said, taking a step towards it and gently running his hand over the top.

“Thanks.” You gave a small smile, still incredibly anxious to have another person in your space. It was a room full of memories that you did not like sharing with anyone else, and aside from very few people, he had been the first to see it. There was a trust in your heart for him that you couldn’t comprehend, and for a moment, you felt like you could tell him everything.

“Did you take all of these pictures?” He asked, now stepping towards the walls. He was beyond excited that you finally took the step to show him a part of yourself you liked to keep hidden, but he did not want to express it too loudly in fear it might ruin the moment.

“Most of them.” You replied, watching him as he took in the photographs. “Every one of them that I’m not in.” You clarified, chuckling at the fact. “It’s mostly just pictures of my family.” It was true; there were pictures hung on the wall ranging back to when your hands first held a camera, and up until the recent years when your skill had vastly improved. It was mostly your parents and your sister, but there were a few of your childhood pets and friends.

“Is that your mom and dad?” He asked, pointing to a picture of a couple he did not recognize.

“Yep,” you nodded, smiling at his interest. You wanted to say more, but the words seemed stuck in your throat. You were having a hard time processing your desire to tell him more, so you sat with it instead of acting on it.

“You look just like your mom.” He noted. “You have your dads smile, though.” Your heart warmed at the sentiment. “That must be your sister, too, because you look like twins.” He pointed to a different picture.

“It is.” You chuckled.

“I can’t wait to meet her. If she’s anything like you, I know I’ll love her.” You both dusted over the ‘L’ word as if it were nothing at all, barely registering the fact he’d said it.

“She is pretty great, but I think I’m biased.” You grinned. When it came to your sister, you would talk praise until you could no longer hear yourself speak.

“You take stunning photographs, y/n.” He said, not a hint of a joke in his tone. Your cheeks reddened as you bit into your sandwich. You let the compliment hang in the air for a moment before responding.

“Thank you, Jake.” You said, feeling the fear melt away the longer you sat together. “Did you… did you want to play a song on the guitar, maybe?” You asked, hesitancy written all over your face. You thought that it was finally time to take the step, and now that he knew such intimate details about you, you craved the same from him.

“You want to hear me play?” He turned back to you, shocked at your words.

“Yeah.” You nodded, certain of that fact. “Just… just be careful with it, please. I don’t want anything to happen to it. The strings are old, too, so it might not sound the best.”

“Of course.” He assured you, carefully grabbing the acoustic from the stand. Your stomach was twisting with anxiety as he held the instrument in his hands, but you managed to swallow your fear. “This is a beautiful guitar, too.” You hummed an agreement, knowing that he wasn’t just saying it as a formality. It was a stunning instrument, and it was your most prized possession. He walked over, taking a seat beside you on the bench as he settled the body in his lap. Carefully, he plucked the strings and tuned them to his liking. “Anything in particular you want to hear?” You pondered the thought for a moment, knowing there were plenty of songs you’d love to hear him play, but curious about what he would choose. After a few seconds, you shook your head.

He looked over your face, knowing that his best shot to impress you might also give him a chance at expressing his feelings for you at the same time. Carefully, he began a melodic intro, carefully plucking away at the strings as he smiled at your expression of awe. With a lot of courage, he sang softly along with the sound of the guitar, trying to hide the nervousness in his voice.

“Well she's walking through the clouds

With a circus mind

That's running wild

Butterflies and zebras and moonbeams

And-a fairly tales

That's all she ever thinks about

Riding with the wind

When I'm sad she comes to me

With a thousand smiles

She gives to me free

"It's alright", she says

It's alright

Take anything you want from me

Anything

Fly on, little wing.” Slowly, he stopped playing, looking up from his hands with a hopeful expression.

“You really are a rockstar,” you gave a soft smile “that was fantastic.” Deep down, you hoped that he picked that song for the reason you wanted him to, but you were too nervous to ask.

“Thank you, angel.” He smiled, looking down at his hands to hide the redness that was plaguing his cheeks.

“I didn’t know you could sing, too.”

“I usually leave the singing to Josh.” He admitted, brushing some dust off the body of the guitar. “He’s way better than I am.”

“I don’t think that’s true.” You whispered, the profound emotion in your statement almost too much for him to handle.

“I, uh, I didn’t know you played guitar, too.” He changed the topic, feeling the burn of love begin to sear the skin of his lips as he tried to hold it back.

“Oh, I don’t.” You chuckled. “I tried to learn when I was a kid, but it’s not my thing. I kind of sucked at it, if I’m being honest. The piano has always been my choice of instrument.”

“So where’d you get this?” He asked, inspecting the details of the fretboard.

“It’s my dads.” You replied, swallowing down your sadness with a sip of coffee. “He played it all of the time when I was a kid. He tried to teach me, but I was too stubborn to learn.”

“And that camera is his, too?” He asked, his eyes flickering back towards the bookshelf on the wall. “I remember you told me you used your dads camera when you started doing photography.” Your heart fluttered at the thought of him remembering all the small details you told him.

“Yeah, it is. For an old camera, it takes pretty good pictures.” You tried not to let your stare linger on the camera, feeling the sorrow fill your chest up so much that it made it hard to breathe.

“You must be pretty close to him,” he noted.

“You can say that.” You gave a slow nod. “My dad was my best friend for my entire childhood. We did everything together, and so much so that I think it made my sister jealous sometimes. Wherever he was, I had to go with him. Mom got mad at him a lot, because he never said no to me. We’d stay up until midnight watching cartoons and we’d eat ice cream for breakfast on the weekends.” You explained, looking down at your hands as you spoke. “He was just one of those people that understood me, and I think when you’re a girl growing up, not many people do. He always listened, and he always had the best advice. I love my mom, but my dad and I were just… we got along better than anyone else in the world, I think.”

“That’s sweet,” he smiled, looking over at you with adoration in his eyes. He was thrilled to hear so much about you, and he never thought the two of you would get to this point. “I’d love to meet him.” You looked up, catching his eye with a sympathetic smile.

“He would have loved you.” You replied, seeing the light in his eyes change. He wanted clarification before he spoke further, and you could see that in his expression. “He passed away not long before I graduated high school.”

“Y/n, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.” He felt bad for his earlier words, even if he did not know the truth.

“Don’t be,” you shook your head “you didn’t know.” You reached over, brushing a strand of his long hair out of his face. “I was lucky to know him for as long as I did, and I’m still just as lucky to have him as a memory. Seventeen years with him was equivalent to a lifetimes worth of love. I wish he was still here, but I know that he’s not really gone. He’s in that guitar, and that camera, and he’s proud of every accomplishment and he’s still picking me up off the ground when I fall.” You explained. Although you knew it might not be true, it always felt like it was. Since he died, you neglected to believe that he just lived when he was alive. You felt the love so strongly sometimes that it was impossible to believe he wasn’t still around in some way. “He really would have liked you, I think. He loved Jimi Hendrix, too.” You laughed, finding his song choice impeccable.

You weren’t sure what it was, but you felt the confession sitting heavy on your chest when you looked at him for too long. Whether it was the blatant vulnerability, or the way he looked at you the same even after you expressed such horrible things about your life. Whatever it was, the moment made you want to scream your love for him, even if you knew you shouldn’t. You had never been so transparent with anyone before, and you never wanted to be so open about your life, but there was something so compelling about him that it was impossible to ignore the desire to be close to him.

“Jimi Hendrix is pretty good.” Jake laughed, astounded by the strength that lived within you. He didn’t think it was possible to admire someone as much as he did for you, but here he was, sitting in front of you and feeling all of the feelings he believed to be impossible.

The air was different, and both of you could tell that whatever dynamic you had before that day had shifted drastically.

For good or for bad, you weren’t sure yet.

You turned inwards, placing your hands on the keys of the piano. You did not want to show off, nor did you want to prove your own talents; the moment was moving, and all you wanted to do was share more of yourself with him. You began a slow intro, working yourself up to speed. It had been a while since you played, and it was fantastic to feel the keys on your fingers and the sound fill your heart.

“I've got a little black book with my poems in

Got a bag with a toothbrush and a comb in

When I'm a good dog, they sometimes throw me a bone in.” You took in a long breath, nervous to be showing such an intimate part of you to him. Little to your knowledge, he was watching you with hearts in his eyes and nothing but love in his heart.

“I got elastic bands keepin' my shoes on

Got those swollen-hand blues

I got thirteen channels of shit on the T.V. to choose from

I've got electric light

And I've got second sight

I got amazing powers of observation

And that is how I know

When I try to get through

On the telephone to you

There'll be nobody home.” You closed your eyes for a moment, playing for a little longer than you needed to so you could regain your composure. Quietly, you could hear him picking away at the guitar, not in an attempt to outshine you, but to accentuate your playing. The two of you were in perfect harmony, moving in time with the music surrounded with more comfortability than you’d ever felt in your entire life. Your heart felt like it was going to burst with the emotion you felt for him.

“I've got the obligatory Hendrix perm

And the inevitable pinhole burns

All down the front of my favourite satin shirt

I've got nicotine stains on my fingers

I've got a silver spoon on a chain

Got a grand piano to prop up my mortal remains

I've got wild staring eyes

And I've got a strong urge to fly

But I got nowhere to fly to

Ooh, babe when I pick up the phone

there's still nobody home.” You hit the last few notes, letting the sound ring through the quiet room. You looked up, staring at the wall for a moment to gather your thoughts before turning back towards him.

“You’ve got quite the voice, angel.”

“It’s nothing to call home about.” You chuckled, taking a long drink from your coffee.

“I think it is. I’d tell the whole world about you, if I could.” In that moment, the ability to hold back his thoughts fled him. “I… I think that you’re fantastic, y/n, and I hope that you know that.” You looked up at him, nervous about the confession but knowing that you felt the same way. “And I think that I’d like to do this part… more often.”

“What are you saying?” You breathed, trying to understand if he was expressing what you thought he was trying to say. Anxiety gripped you with its deadly force, panic overtaking your mind before you could even appreciate the sentiment in his words.

“Come on, sweetheart.” He sighed, hating that he couldn’t seem to keep the feelings buried. “You can’t tell me you don’t feel it, too. We’re in here, showing each other parts of our lives we try so hard to keep hidden. This has been more than sex for a very long time, and I think that you know it, too.” A spark of terror filled you, and you recoiled away from him. He was right, but your fear was larger than your heart, just like it always had been. Love was less daunting when it was buried underneath the surface, and when he expressed it so outwardly and obviously, it morphed into the monster that only lived in your worst nightmares. You weren’t ready to discuss it, and you weren’t ready for anything to change. By speaking it aloud, it changed everything, and you could not stomach that thought in the moment. Change was terrifying, and you did not have enough strength to endure it.

So you did what you knew best; you shut down and locked him out, your heart rebuilding the thick iron bars that often protected it so furiously.

“I brought you in here because we’re friends.” You took the defense, terrified of speaking the truth because you had not yet processed what it truly meant. Your vulnerability had taken a toll, and you began to realize that you had dug yourself a hole too steep to climb out of. You loved him so deeply that it pained you, that it made opening up to him easier than anything else, but facing it was an entirely different thing. Your harshness did not come from your lack of love, but from your abundance of it. You loved him so much, but you did not know how to love anymore. As much as it hurt to reject him when all you wanted to do was fall into his arms forever, you knew it was the best thing to do. You would hurt him more by trying to love him than you ever would if you rejected him. “You were so desperate to be friends, and I thought that was all you wanted. You can’t… we can’t.” You shook your head.

“Friends.” He reiterated, unable to explain the incessant ache in his chest at the word. “Right.” He was angry at himself for ever pushing that title on you, and he wondered if it would have made the difference if he didn’t.

“Jake,” you warned, pleading for him to listen before he jumped to any conclusions. You did not want to end your relationship, but you did want to slow down before things got out of control.

“No, y/n. I hear you loud and clear.” He said, making a move to stand. “You’re right.” His obstinacy had rivalled your own since the very beginning, and you could finally see the infuriating effects of it. His lack of understanding prompted a rush of anger through you.

“You don’t get to do that!” You shook your head, standing up with him.

“I don’t get to do what?” He snapped back, placing the guitar back on the stand with great caution. His words were harsh, but his actions were not. He would never disrespect an item of such importance to you, no matter how upset he was. “I don’t get to be upset? I don’t get to talk about the things that I’m feeling?”

“Christ, Jake, stop putting words in my mouth!” You were panicking, and all of your fear was projecting outwards with an angry mask. You were terrified of loving him, but you were horrified at the thought of him leaving. You did not know what to do to make it better; if you said you loved him, you would be sealing your own grave, and if you didn’t, he would walk away and you would lose him for good. “I didn’t say that, and you know that!”

“Then what? What is it, y/n?” He sighed, watching you with a small shred of hope that you’d double back on your word. He knew you felt it too, and it killed him that you refused to accept it. The entire day was filled with nothing but wordless acts of love, and to deny it and throw it all in the garbage was worse than any physical injury you could cause him.

“You said this wouldn’t happen. You promised that you wouldn’t do this, and then you come here, and you treat me better than anyone ever has, and you make coffee, and you text me just to let me know you’re thinking of me, and then you buy me fucking breakfast!” You exploded, pointing to the coffee cup still sat on the piano stool.

“Jesus Christ, it always comes back to fucking breakfast! Please enlighten me on what is so bad about it?” He yelled back, just as much intensity in his voice.

“Because I don’t know if you’re going to wake up tomorrow and change your mind!” You admitted, running a hand through your hair. “I don't know if you’re doing all of this because you want me to keep sleeping with you, or if you truly mean it. I don’t know anything, and I don’t want to be in love, and I never wanted this!” You did not want to be in love, but by god, you were. If it had been anyone else, they would have been gone before they had the chance to order breakfast. They would never have stepped foot into the room you were fighting in, and in truth, you never would have brought them home at all. If it were anyone other than Jake, you would not have looked twice, but you were so head over heels for him that you were fighting for him to stay, even if it did not seem like that was what you were doing. He watched you, carefully inspecting every detail of your pained expression. Questioning his care for you was the most heinous act you’d ever committed. You knew he cared, and he knew you did, too, but you were so damaged that it was easier to convince yourself that he didn’t. Although he held sympathy for that fact, he could not seem to choke down the pain that you caused with your sharp tongue and violent words. “You promised me, Jake. You promised this wouldn’t happen.”

“I did.” He nodded, casting his gaze towards the ground. “And I meant it. You don’t have to fucking worry about it.” He could not fight another losing battle, and he knew that was exactly what this was. He could not win your heart if it was never offered as a reward. You did not want him to love you, and he could not force you to let him. Instead, he was walking away.

Well, he was threatening it whilst hoping you would ask him to stay.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” You knew it was not justified, but you were hurt over the fact that he wanted to take his confession back. You felt it just the same as he did, but you were too scared to admit it. All he could see was rejection, and the injury was bleeding both of you dry. He wasn’t even sure why you were fighting, or where it came from. The sweetness that had carried you through the morning was long gone, replaced with a feeling he’d never felt around you before: resentment. He resented the situation, but in that moment, it felt like he resented you.

“Exactly what I said; you don’t have to fucking worry about it.” He repeated, venomous and dangerous. A different man stood before you than the one you knew just moments before. This one was cold, unfamiliar, and someone you did not want to be around. The heartbreak turned him vile, and now all he wanted to do was hurt you the same way you were hurting him.

“So that’s it?” You whispered, feeling the room fill with anguish. Your safest space now housed the worst of memories. The situation turned into everything you feared most, but you were the only one to blame. Had you been able to admit to all you were feeling in your heart, the situation may have changed for the better.

“That’s it.” He agreed. “You don’t have to worry about me falling in love. You don’t even have to worry about me liking you. No love, no feelings, nothing. You were a great lay, but not worth much more than that, sweetheart. I hate that I ever thought otherwise, but you are just sex to me. That’s it.” He didn’t mean a thing he was saying, but he was so blinded by hurt that anger was the only thing he could show. If he could have taken the words back, he would have. The pain in your eyes nearly brought him to his knees, and he knew he would never be able to repent from the suffering he caused.

“I have no idea why I ever thought you were different.” You spat, the choke of tears beginning to suffocate you. “I can’t believe I let myself fall for it.” You muttered to yourself. “Get out, Jake, and don’t ever come back.”

“My pleasure.” He agreed, pushing past you without another word. You did not even turn to watch him walk away, instead settling your gaze on the guitar that he’d tainted with his touch. You heard him gather his things into his bag, and after a few moments, the slam of your front door let you know that the struggle was over. He was gone, and he would never return, just like you asked. You had pushed him away to the point of no recovery, and the tears that stained your cheeks reminded you that you were the sole blame for the failure of your relationship.

Pride has outweighed sloth in every aspect, but the sins you had committed for once were completely different than Jake’s.

He had too much pride to apologize, and too much pride to recognize that you were hurting more than he was. If he had swallowed his feelings for a moment to see the ache that was plaguing you, he would have understood that your rejection was not because of a lack of love, but because of an abundance of fear. You loved him just as fiercely as he loved you, but you were so damaged from the love that came before him. You could not choke down that hurt, and you could not see past it for long enough to recognize that he only had your best interest in mind. Jake did not want to hurt you, and he would never have treated you in the ways that others had, but you had pushed him to the point of cruelty. It took a lot for him to muster the courage to say how he was feeling, and you had faced him with nothing but bold-faced rejection.

His attempt at protecting himself only made him more vulnerable, and in turn, only hurt the person he loved most. The cruel words he said were not true, and they replayed in his head for the entire drive home. Pride made it so he appeared stone cold, and that his feelings were more important than yours. In truth, there was nothing more important to him than the sound of your beating heart and the things that made it possible to do so. He wished so badly that he could have put his guard down for a moment, to let you in and tell you everything he wanted to say to you. Instead, his last heartbreak left so little of him to give to you and he could not face the truth without defenses.

He was plagued with the knowledge that other people took so much of him that he could not give you all that you deserved.

Your sinful entanglement with pride came from your inability to confess your true feelings to him. You were too prideful to realize that he needed to hear it more than you needed to keep it hidden, and you were too stubborn to admit that you knew he would keep all of your confessions safe. Instead of facing the truth, you wallowed in the consequences of dishonesty. You loved his sweet words and his messages confessing that he missed you. He did treat you better than anyone ever had, and you knew that it was not because he wanted to keep you on a hook, but because of the love he held for you in his heart. Most of all, you knew that you loved sharing a breakfast with him while you shared the most intimate details of your lives.

You loved Jake with all of your heart and soul, and you had never loved anyone with quite as much intensity. You loved him selflessly and wholly, and although you loved being alone, you loved being alone with him even more. You knew that he was what your heart desired most, but for some reason, when he confessed his own likeness to your heart, you could not handle the profound feelings. You were terrified, and that much was obvious, but it was even more than that. You could not handle someone as wonderful as Jake loving you so deeply, because you did not feel like you deserved it. You could not imagine bestowing your own sorrows and suffering upon him, and you could not bear the thought of making his life harder when he made yours so much better.

He was too prideful to show that you hurt him, and you were too prideful to let him know that he had the ability to hurt you. He let you know that he cared for you, but he could not see past his own hurt enough to realize that your words had nothing to do with his character. He took it personally when it had nothing to do with him at all. You could not admit that you cared, but it was not because it was him you cared about. Loving him was easier than falling asleep, but being in love was a dangerous game, and you feared if you fell again, you might not survive it.

Lust drove you to each other, and his otherworldly charm made you gluttonous. You needed him so badly that you had resorted to greed, and sloth had paralyzed you into submission at the hands of love. Pride, although not the most powerful sin, seemed to be the most deadly yet. It had driven you away from the only home you’d ever known, and it ensured that you severed the bond between you with expert precision. Sin was bleeding from the walls as you sat in a pool of your own tears and self pity. You begged for forgiveness, for mercy at the hands of an entity that knew no such thing.

The devil doesn’t bargain, and he was ensuring that you would suffer the consequences of your own mistakes. You were so far gone that the grace of God could not touch you, and the only relief could come from Satan himself.

When fate is in the hands of evil itself, hope is a feeble word, and any shred of hope you still held in your heart had been struck down without a trace.

With only two of the capital vices left to go, sin seemed like the only thing you knew how to do. You feared that after so long of defying the gods, salvation would never be found.

TAGLIST: @sacredjake @profitofthedune @thewritingbeforesunrise @sacredthethreadgvf @klarxtr @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @freefallthoughts @jaketlover @clairesjointshurt @ageofbajabule @dannys-dream @earthgrlsreasy @starshine-gvf @brujamagik @gvfmarge @ignite-my-firerod-blog @twistedmelodies @gretavangroupie @alwaysonthemend @edgingthedarkness @gvfpal @sinarainbows @writingcold @starcatcher-jake @literal-dead-leaf @takenbythemadness @gretasfallingsky @hsfallingsky @freyjalw @itsafullmoon @lyndz2names @blacksoul-27 @i-love-gvf @vikingsisthenewsexy @mp0801 @mindastreamofcolours @indigogvf @sparrowofthedawnsworld @jordie-gvf @cassy-face @highway-tuna @creadliz98 @dancingcarbon @do-it-jakey-baby

[smellslikechahnspirit]

Hurt - part 2

[You rejected Hyunjin because you are dating Chan]

BangChan x Reader x Hyunjin

🕸🤍 read guide lines in Masterlist!

THIS IS (OBVIOUSLY) ALL FICTION AND IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY! THIS IS MY PERCEPTION OF HOW I THINK SKZ WOULD BEHAVE IN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS AKA, NOT REAL.

As Chris looked at Hyunjin concered, you kinda got annoyed at first. They made it seem like you were the bad guy. You started to tear up now too, due to how complicated the situation has gotten. You started to walk away from the group, Chris followed right away.

Y/n...something happened, don´t even try to deny it at this point. You turned around and looked at him. So many thought running through your mind. I have to think of everyone, but myself right now Chrissy, please leave me alone for a bit, I have to think. He stopped you from walking away by grabbing your waist. No...no. Stay. Let´s talk about this. Today is kind of a big day, and I can´t have the group be unfocussed right now baby, you know that. He said with empathy, but also a hint of frustration. Yea...well tell that to Hyunjin. After you said that you grabbed his hands, only to take them off of you. Good luck today, I´m sorry. As you said that you left the building, leaving the boys alone.

A couple of days have gone by, not hearing much from the boys. You had messages from Chris here and there, that he just didn´t understand what happend and he was kinda angry, you wouldn´t talk to him about it. Luckily you saw some content online, that they were indeed practicing well now, and it almost looked like there was nothing going on between them. But it was all a facade.

01:09 PM

You were mid conversation when he suddendly went offline. You figured he was still a bit annoyed. You threw your phone on the coffee table, and closed your eyes. Taking a nap.

01:23 PM

The doorbell rang, waking you up. You got up fast and opened the door. Chris? You stood there with big eyes, not expecting him to ditch tour practise, just so he could talk to you. Hi baby...can I come in? You nodded softly and went inside with him, sitting on the couch. The couch where you had been chilling for over a few days. And oh lord, it was a mess. Chris looked around the living room, concerned by the mess. I came as soon as I knew you didn´t wanna see us. I don´t get what happened. Please for the love of god, tell me? I´m begging you at this point. You sighed, still not convinced you should tell him. No one at work is in their right mind. You can just feel how tense it is, and now I see, you´re not doing well either. I want to help baby, but you have to let me in. It´s time. You were gonna tell him, afraid of how he might react, but it was getting to heated now. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. Hyunjin told me in detail that he has feelings for me. Chris his eyes widened. His heart sunk. What? Are you serious? You nodded, still not being able to look at him, hiding your face in your hands at this point. I don´t know what to do about this. I didn´t want to hurt him, but I just don´t feel the same way... That´s why he was crying, hm? You nodded again. Baby look at me. You did. I understand the perdicament. But you could´ve just told me. You´re not angry? Angry? At you? Never baby. You chose me anyways and that shows how much you love me. I just wished you´d told me sooner. I couldn´t tell you, because then there would be an even more weird vibe between you two, and I wanted to avoid that. He put his hands through his hair. Well I´m surtainly not happy about all of this, but Hyunjin is also human. His feelings matter too. You agreed and felt bad again for rejecting him like that. I do feel like I got through to him. He knows I´ll never leave you. It´s just now, odd to be around him? No! It shouldn´t be. He is your friend just as much as he is my friend, baby. His feelings may have been hurt, but I guess he just has to come to terms with this. I mean you two do have to talk about it again. Cuz this unspoken silence isn´t good for anyone. Should I give him a call? Maybe ask him to talk about it? Chris nodded and stroked your back soflty up and down. You dialed his number and put it on speaker.

Hello?

Hey Hyunnie...can we talk?

About me confessing to you?

Hmmm, yeah. Maybe we should talk about it again. I don´t want us to be in this situation any longer. I want things to be normal again, so you all can focus better on your job.

I see, you care more about my job, then my feelings.

That´s not what I said, it´s just, you´re making it hard for the rest of the guys to completly focus too, cuz they know something is going on.

I know. I´m sorry. How bout you come to the company? We are now on our break, but in about half an hour we start again. We can talk before that?

Sounds good, I´ll be right there.

Alright, see you soon.

When he hung up, you looked at Chris who had a slight smile on his face. It´ll be fine baby. Let´s go. You both got up and went on your way.

01:55 PM

Chris waited in the cafe room with the others, as you and Hyunjin went onto the empty practise stage. Fine let´s talk. So, I just told Chris. He looked at you in shock. You what? I thought we weren´t gonna say anything! You looked down. I know but I had to. You must understand why. He nodded but was afraid of his reaction. Was...was he angry? You looked up at him holding his face in your hands. No sweetie he wasn´t. He was actually kinda chill and undertstood. He was relieved, smiling. Happy that he could leave it in the past now without having a fight with one of his closest friends. You smiled at him too. But since you had his face in your hands, and was standing so close to him, his feelings for you creeped onto him again. Leaning in closer and closer. Was he really just about to kiss you?! Hyunjin! you practically screamed, letting go of his face immediatly. At that exact moment the rest of the guys walked back on the stage cuz it was 2 PM, ready to continue. Chris had hoped you two would´ve talked it out, but returning to this scene happening right in front of him, he didn´t expect to see that. Excuse me?! Chris spoke loudly, having a very angry expression on his face. He walked towards both of you very fastly and stood in between you and Hyunjin. What the hell do you think you´re doing? She´s my girlfriend! Chris spoke. After a few seconds of everyone being in awe, he calmed down. Sorry. But Hyunjin??? What? He spoke soflty, yet irritated. I understand you have feelings for her, but she told you she didn´t feel the same way. You have to let it go. Hyunjin appologized, not knowing what came over him. I know...I went way out of line. But I am...I am so in love with y/n. I know it´s wrong, but...nevermind. I shouldn´t have. Yea, you souldn´t have. Hyunjin walked away. Well that went well... It´s okay honey, we´ll figure it all out.

The day contiued with the members having a short meegting with some staff. They decided it was the right thing to do; Hyunjin having a few days off. He wouldn´t be in the right mindset anyways.

After a few days have past, you knew he would return. What time is everyone coming in today? You asked Chris, who was already in the studio with you. Around 8 baby. I´m glad you´re here again today. I really want to know what you think about this mashup I made. You smiled. You and Chris were closer then ever, not wanting to have secrets between you two ever again. Now it was just waiting to see how Hyunjin was doing. He finally arrived. Together with the other members. You both being nonchalant, trying not to put too much pressure on him. But as he walked closer he kept looking on his phone. At first you thought it was because he was avoiding interaction with both of you. But when he finally sat down on the couch next to you, you realised he was chatting exsessively, and smiling while doing so. It made you giggle and look at Chris. Then the rest of the guys who followed him, also smiled. Why are you smiling Hyunjinnie? You asked while petting his arm. He kept staring at his screen, grinning. He´s been seeing this girl he met the other day. And they have been chatting non-stop. You looked at Chris who was also happy for him. All relieved that Hyunjin was doing alright now. You and Chris, happilly together after all.

...Masterlist...

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☁︎

© 2022-2024, smellslikechahnspirit • No posting on other sites or platforms, rewrites, or translations

[bvidzsoo]

Hi! First off I just wanna say how much I love your work! You are such a talented writer🤍 okay okay so for the Halloween prompt request, I was thinking maybe Vampire Seonghwa? (He's been plaguing my mind hella hard) with the prompts 3 and 22? I'm excited to see what you come up with!🤍

Thank you so much!🤍

◆Vampire!Seonghwa◆ (pink haired Seonghwa has me in an unhealthy grip and it will end me one day)

↳3. Well, that didn’t hurt nearly as badly as I was expecting it to.

↳22. Do I look tasty?

A/N: Hii! Thank you for your kind words, it makes me happy to know people like my stories as I place a lot of time in them. I shall say that pink haired Seonghwa has me in a GRIP and I'll NEVER escape it, so uhm, I did a little something here, haha. I hope you enjoy this little one and requests are open until the 1st of November for anyone interested! Before you start the short story, I want to say that this was inspired by Vampire Academy written by Richelle Mead, so here's a little explanation for those who haven't read the books:

1. Moroi-are born vampires, imbued with the magic to have power over the elements;

2. Dhampir-are half-human, half-vampires who are born to protect the Moroi. Don't have elemental magic, but have enhanced strength and senses making them the strongest protection against the Strigoi;

3. Strigoi- are the type of vampires that one would expect from an old horror classic

TW: cussing, blood, very slightly suggestive?

◆Halloween Prompts◆

That damned pink hair could be visible from miles away. If his desperate need to be distinguishable by some feature wasn't enough, then his flamboyant persona certainly was. Park Seonghwa was absolutely detestable. It isn’t enough that he comes from one of the royal moroi families, which makes him incredibly famous, he also makes sure to remind everyone of his high status in the order by looking down on you while flaunting his riches, the arrogant smirk never absent from his face. I truly wish one day I'll be able to punch that perfect nose of his, even if dhampirs weren't allowed to hurt morois. I tried to keep the sneer off my face as I glared at the back of his pink head, a disgusting color if anyone asks me, as his loud laughter carried over the crowd. How was it possible that he could be heard over all the chatter in the auditorium? I felt a nudge to my side and my attention was off Seonghwa as I stared at my best friend, whose eyebrows were raised. She already knew I would be in a sour mood when I realized I was forced to breathe the same air as Seonghwa, but today was also the day we'd be paired up for our field trip. The dreaded field trip. Us, dhampirs, would be assigned to a moroi to protect for a week, totally left alone by our teachers and other guardians. Basically, we were forced to fend for ourselves for a week in order to show how capable we were in completing our duties once we graduated. I, on one hand, was ready. I was born ready; I knew I could do this. The only problem was that I didn't know who I'd be assigned to protect and the thought of having to possibly spend a whole ass week with Seonghwa was giving me a freaking headache.

"I think he can feel your glare, Y/N." Kazuha muttered as I turned to look back towards the front, Seonghwa’s annoying hair bugging my eyes again. I just rolled my eyes and ignored my best friend’s comment, thinking to myself, that it was only good if he felt my glare. Everyone knew I didn’t like Seonghwa, why try and hide it? The head teacher walked in holding a big paper scroll in his hands, stopping in the center of the auditorium.

“Quiet down, everyone.” Despite the authority in his voice, Seonghwa proceeded to finish his joke and laugh loudly as everyone else glanced his way, the teacher sighing before continuing, “I’ll read the dhampir names first and then the moroi they’ll have to protect for the following week. Changing your partners isn’t allowed, and if anyone does so in secret, they’ll be expulsed from the Academy, never to graduate. And then you can try and live a miserable life.”

I don’t think I agree with the teacher. Having to live without being surrounded by some annoying spoiled morois sounded like every dhampirs most secret wish. The teacher opened the scroll and started reading the names, most students looking content and even happy with their partners, but there was one problem. Park Seonghwa’s name hasn’t been read yet, and with my luck…my fate in this whole thing was slowly dying out.

“Lee Y/N.” I stood up straighter in my seat, debating whether to say a quick prayer, but the moroi’s name was already called, “Park Seonghwa.”

Fuck. I hissed and allowed my head to fall against the table, creating a loud bang as I groaned lowly. The people sitting around me chuckled, amused by my reaction, and probably thankful they didn’t get paired with Seonghwa. Lucky bastards. I felt eyes on me before I could lift my head and I braced myself for the conceited smirk on his face as I looked up, eyes connecting with his. Seonghwa was smirking, and as if to make things worse, he winked before turning around and ignoring my existence.

I would’ve done anything to avoid this moment. To avoid sitting in a car as Seonghwa was handed the keys to the Academy’s expensive Mercedes, as if he didn’t own at least two muscle cars back at home. God, I wanted to die. He opened the door and sat inside, head turning to look at me. My jaw was clenched as I looked straight ahead, refusing to look at him, able to see from the corner of my eyes the amusement written all over his features. God, if only I was allowed to punch him.

“Since when are morois allowed to drive?” I snapped as he ignited the engine to life, “You know the dhampirs are the ones supposed to drive around and shit.”

“I know,” Seonghwa shrugged nonchalantly as he backed out of the parking lot of the Academy, our head teacher and the dhampir supervisor watching us with hawk like eyes as I mouthed a small ‘please, save me’ to them, a displeased look crossing their features, “But I don’t trust a woman with driving.”

I scoffed annoyed, my tongue pressing against my cheek as I tried to hold myself back, Kazuha’s words ringing loudly in my head. ‘Ignore him, think of anything else and just stay calm. You can do this.’ In fact, no, I was certain I couldn’t do this, and we have barely left the safety of our Academy.

“Do you even know where we’re supposed to go?” I opted to ask instead, glaring at the radio as Seonghwa turned it on, browsing through the channels.

“To my family’s vacation house?” Seonghwa gave me a look which said, ‘are you crazy for even asking that?’.

“If that’s where you’re taking us, just pull over, and I’ll walk back to the Academy myself and sabotage my own future.” I groaned and allowed my head to fall back against the headrest. Seonghwa scoffed and gave me a quick glance as we turned onto the highway.

“You seriously want to live in a shady neighborhood in a dodgy apartment for a week?” He looked at me as if I was crazy and I closed my eyes, pressing the button to roll down the window. I needed some fresh air. Perhaps that would stop me from wanting to crash our car, which I was supposed to be driving. I’ve never driven such a luxury car, Seonghwa robbed me of another once in a lifetime experience…once again.

“Yes, Seonghwa, because this is a test to what our lives will look like very soon, you conceited idiot!” I snapped, finally breaking as I turned to face Seonghwa, “You might have everything handed to you on a silver plate, but I certainly won’t be living in a mansion or my family’s vacation home once I’ve graduated.”

“If you graduate.” God, I really wanted to punch that arrogant smirk off his face. I didn’t have to be top of my class to graduate. I was one of the best dhampirs at our Academy currently and I was needed as female dhampirs were rare. Unlike him, who was raised on a silver plate, he had no significance whatsoever if he was stripped of his title. He wasn’t even a prince, he was around fifth in line to the throne, so he really was unimportant. His skills were mid and unless he continued his family’s business, he was a no one. That brought a content smile on my lips and Seonghwa threw me an annoyed glance, probably able to sense that my thoughts weren’t the nicest. He didn’t say anything else as he focused on the road, turning up the volume of the radio, making me sigh as I relaxed into the car seat and closed my eyes. It’s not that I trusted him, but I had barely gotten any sleep last night as we threw a secret party before our departure. It was wild.

            Four days had gone by and things were going surprisingly well. For me, at least. I quickly got familiar with the area and did my patrols regularly, keeping an eye out for any unwanted danger. I even managed to become friends with our upstairs neighbor, who was a nice old lady. I found mundane tasks quite enjoyable as I walked to the market each morning and bought fresh fruits and vegetables to cook later, and of course, since it was Seonghwa’s money, I enjoyed spending it even more. I finally managed to get that long deserved haircut and all in all, this test turned out to be a lot more manageable than I expected it to be. Living with Seonghwa wasn’t too difficult, surprisingly, as he stayed in his room almost all day, listening to loud music and facetiming with his other moroi friends almost every other hour. Hearing his boisterous laughter and awful jokes through the thin walls was rather depressing, but I managed to block his voice out as I turned on the TV in the living room and turned the volume up, hearing Seonghwa scream at me to be quieter, only to get ignored. Of course, things weren’t going constantly smoothly as he always found something to start a petty fight based on, but after realizing that my anger was only bringing him enjoyment, I stopped showing my emotions. That didn’t mean that I didn’t want to bash his head against the wall at times, I was just smarter and started hiding it. However, despite me living my best life for the past four days, Seonghwa seemed to hate it here. He would jump at the slightest sound coming from outside and the curtains would have to be drawn almost all day as his skin was specifically sensitive to sunlight. That was a thing I didn’t believe, but I didn’t want to try my luck and actually set him on fire, that wouldn’t only get me expelled from the Academy, it would earn me the death penalty too. I preferred staying away from that one if possible. It was one of those serene nights, where I almost couldn’t tell if Seonghwa and I were living together, but my heightened senses could pick up on his breathing, a thing which annoyed me, but normally was very good as I could protect the morois in case of danger. Earlier today I bought some red wine and condiments to cook some pasta as I missed the taste of it, the chef’s cooking back at the Academy is rather bland, almost makes you think she’s a moroi. I have prepared everything and threw the ingredients together, letting it boil before pouring the heavy cream over it, letting it simmer for a few more minutes as I stirred it. I was lost in my world, humming a song which Seonghwa had been listening to on repeat, when suddenly I felt warmth behind me and my muscle memory kicked in as I whirled around, grabbing the intruder by the neck and slamming them against the nearest wall. My grip instantly loosened around Seonghwa’s neck when I finally realized it was just him, his normally round eyes wider than I’ve seen them ever before.

“Don’t ever creep up on me again, Seonghwa.” I hissed, eyebrows furrowed, “I could’ve hurt you.”

“Isn’t that what you want?” The stunned look was gone from his face, replaced with an annoying smirk. God, I hated his stupid face.

“Yeah, it is.” I muttered as I released him and went back to stir my sauce before shutting the gas off, taking the pot to the table. Seonghwa followed after me and watched me as I sat at the table, pouring the sauce over my spaghetti. I grabbed my glass of wine and took a sip, humming at the rich taste of it. It was expensive, but then again, Seonghwa was founding me so I only bought the priciest things, hoping to deprive him of all of his money. It was impossible, but it still bought a little satisfaction to my heart.

“You cooked dinner and didn’t even tell me…” Seonghwa trailed off, face falling for a second before it became composed again as he walked to the cupboard, taking out a plate.

“I didn’t know in what mood you were.” It was clear, Seonghwa was struggling without blood. I might’ve hated him, but I knew a moroi, a vampire, couldn’t survive without blood. Yes, they were able to eat normal food, but it could make them sick for days even. Seonghwa hasn’t eaten anything since we left the Academy. Hasn’t fed since we left the Academy. I tried to convince him to come to the hospital with me and I’d take a few blood bags for him, but he refused and said he’d survive without this week. He preferred fresh blood, apparently. And the lack of blood was already showing its first signs, his skin was paler than usual and dark bags were slowly forming underneath his eyes. I noticed his eyes glowing red every now and then, but that wasn’t necessarily a sign of bloodlust.

“I’m starving.” Seonghwa muttered more to himself, forgetting that I could hear him. I paused chewing as he sat down opposite me, surprised that he was willingly sitting at a table with me. He’d never do that at the Academy, but then again, I probably would pour my food all over his head if he did. I pushed the spaghetti and sauce pot towards him as Seonghwa reluctantly leaned forward and inhaled, eyes widening a little.

“Oh, this actually smells really nice.” He muttered absentmindedly and my eyes narrowed as I analyzed him. Was he being sincere? He seemed like he forgot I was even sitting at a table with him.

“I probably won’t be able to eat much, my stomach’s rather weak these days.” He said as he looked up and placed some spaghetti and sauce on his plate. I nodded and continued eating, watching his face for a reaction when he finally took a bite. He chewed slowly on the food and his eyebrows furrowed before he gulped the food down. He just glanced up at me and wordlessly continued to take a few more bites, but stopped at the fifth one. He pushed the plate away and grabbed a stray glass from the table, pouring himself wine.

“That wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected it to be.” I was about to thank him, for the first time in my life, but he had to continue, “I didn’t know dhampirs are now taught how to cook. But then again…you’re a woman, you’re supposed to know how to do that.”

“If you don’t shut up I will push that knife down your heart.” It was an empty threat, but it felt nice saying it as Seonghwa chuckled and took a big gulp of the wine, eyes going to the bottle before settling back on me.

“Are you trying to bereave me of my money, Y/N?” He cocked an eyebrow elegantly and I rolled my eyes, leaning back in my chair as I was finished with dinner too.

“As if you don’t have more than enough already,” I scoffed and took a sip of my wine, “Since I risk my life to protect you, you at least can let me spend as much as I’d like—”

“Yeah, like at the hairdresser.” Seonghwa cut me off with a scoff, eyes narrowing, “Who even charges that much?”

“I might’ve left a bigger tip than necessary.” I replied nonchalantly and hid my smirk behind my glass as I took another sip, Seonghwa scoffing as he drank the contents of his own glass before pouring some more wine for himself.

A few hours later, the lights seemed to dance around me as I sat in the chair, leaned back and one leg brought up on the chair, hair pulled in a low ponytail as I was feeling hot. It was from the wine, I knew that, but I couldn’t help fan myself as Seonghwa placed another card on the table. It was red. I didn’t have any red cards, so I had to pick up one from the deck. If anyone told me four days ago that I would be playing some silly card games with Seonghwa while the both of us were tipsy, I would’ve laughed in their face and asked them to walk to the psychic ward. But it was happening right now and Seonghwa was winning, for the fifth time. I was getting fed up.

“You’re cheating, okay?!” I exclaimed and slammed my cards on the table as Seonghwa placed his last one down, winning again. He just chuckled and took another sip of his wine, cheeks slightly flushed. One would say he looked like a living creature for once. It was late in the night and we were supposed to be sleeping, but I haven’t done my patrolling duty yet and it was cold outside, I really didn’t want to go. Besides, I was tipsy, my reflexes were dull, and if a strigoi were to attack me, I probably wouldn’t get very far, let alone be able protect Seonghwa.

“I’m not cheating,” He scoffed, looking offended, “I’m just really good at this game.”

“Yeah, right,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes, “Like you are at everything else.”

“Of course, I am.” He smirked and flicked a stray pink strand out of his eyes.

“Then why do you refuse to go to the hospital and steal one or two blood bags with me?” I raised my eyebrows challengingly, crossing my arms in front of my chest. Seonghwa stiffened for a second before he leaned forward, placing his interlaced hands on the table and his chin on them.

“Because,” His voice lowered, as if he was scared someone was eavesdropping on us, “I only drink fresh blood.”

I scoffed, of course he did, he had the circumstances to, he was rich, “And why is that? Did mommy and daddy spoil you that much?”

That annoying smirk was back on his lips, “Yes, they did. I can’t stand the stale taste of blood; it makes me throw up. I like drinking it from the source, when it’s still warm and gushing, thick and rich and full of aroma.”

His eyes flashed red again and I watched as he licked his lips, suddenly the bloodlust obvious on his face. Perhaps I shouldn’t have brought up this topic, but I wanted to know the real reason. A vampire who was thirsty shouldn’t be challenged, but I was safe. It was strictly forbidden for morois to drink blood from dhampirs. And it would make me seem like a whore. But the alcohol was hitting hard and I was genuinely curious, never having talked to a moroi about this before, almost wanting to experience the euphoric feeling it’s said a vampire’s bite gives you.

“Do I look tasty?” The words left my lips before I could think much as Seonghwa and I made eye contact. I knew my eyes were glazed over with intoxication from the alcohol, but suddenly Seonghwa’s pupils grew in size as his eyes flashed red and remained like that. The ceiling lamp’s light falling on him made his eyes seem a deep red, swirling around almost in his round eyes.

“You or your blood?” Seonghwa’s voice was low and a strand of pink hair fell into his eyes as he stared me down. Suddenly, I felt glued to my place. He looked like a predator ready to pounce on its pray.

“Both.” I answered breathless, taken aback by Seonghwa’s sudden change of character. He was always so arrogant, so uncaring and so irritating, you’d never think he was capable of looking at you with such danger written all over his face and body. A vein in his neck was visibly pulsing and his hands tightened around each other, knuckles turning white as he inhaled deeply, eyes slightly fluttering closed.

“You smell like flowers, but it’s so—sweet.” His voice was strained as he blinked his eyes open, red glinting back at me as I straightened up in my chair, body suddenly flushing at his words. It was most certainly the alcohol making me feel like this, but I pushed my ponytail behind my shoulders, and I didn’t miss Seonghwa’s eyes focusing on my neck as I cleared my throat.

“Have you tasted sweet blood before?” I whispered, Seonghwa’s jaw clenching and unclenching as if he was fighting back his demons. He said nothing as he shook his head no and I sucked in a deep breath, making eye contact with him, “Would you like to?”

Before I could blink, Seonghwa was up on his feet and next to me, sending his chair to the floor with a loud clank, and I was hauled up by a grip around my bicep. Seonghwa’s long fingers dug into my skin with a bruising force as he sneered down at me, our height difference very obvious. He’s never stood so close to me before.

“You’re playing with fire, Y/N, stop.” He warned, voice deep and eyes flickering from red back to its brown color to red again. I bit my lower lip and stood on my tip toes, lips barely brushing against his earlobe.

“I know you want to bite me, Seonghwa, suck my blood—” What was the reason of my taunting? Probably nothing more than wanting to fuck with him. To finally see him so out of control and desperate, anything like the Seonghwa he always presented himself to be. And it was the alcohol, of course, because I would’ve never asked such thing of him sober. I was ruining my dignity at the moment.

“If anyone finds out…” His voice was horse as he slightly pulled me back, looking down at me, eyes trained on the smooth skin of my neck.

“Nobody will,” I smirked at him, barring my neck more for him as his eyes flicked back to red, “But you have to swear you will keep your mouth shut, Seonghwa.”

“Will you become my supplier, then?” That annoying smirk was back on his lips and I hissed at him, glaring fiercely.

“Don’t overstep your boundaries, asshole.”

“As if you aren’t the one begging me to bite you.”

“As if you aren’t the one desperate to bite me.”

That’s all it took for Seonghwa to finally give in, lips parting and fangs shirking as he opened his mouth more, locking eyes with me. I nodded subtly and my body tensed as Seonghwa slowly leaned down, closer to my neck. My breath caught in my throat as Seonghwa’s plush lips pressed softly against my neck in a small kiss before I felt them retreating and instead two sharp fangs poked against my skin. Before I could have time to rethink my poor choices, the sharp fangs pressed hard into my skin, making me gasp loudly and grasp onto Seonghwa’s shoulders as his teeth tore through my untouched skin, sharp pain erupting in the area as it traveled towards my shoulder and ear. My grip on Seonghwa turned harsh and suddenly I felt him pulling my body flushed against his as he held my nape, sucking on my blood. As soon as the pain came it was gone, the feeling of his fangs foreign as my eyes started becoming blurry, brain fogged up. My lips fell open as my whole body seemed to tingle, from head to toe, and Seonghwa suddenly moaned, lightly pushing me backwards until my hips were pressing against the table. The euphoria was becoming overwhelming as my breathing stuttered and I whined quietly as my head lulled back, knees feeling faint all of a sudden. Seonghwa moaned again, sending vibrations down my neck, my skin covered in goosebumps as I had to grab onto the table with one hand as the other still held onto Seonghwa. Dark spots started covering my vision, but I was unable to speak, unable to let Seonghwa know that he was probably drinking too much. But he must’ve known as suddenly, his cold fangs were gone from my neck, the cool air hitting the marks as Seonghwa’s nose nuzzled against my jaw, breathing hard. I gasped as my knees bucked for a second, Seonghwa’s arms holding me up as my mind slowly started to clear up. The fog was lifting, but just barely, as I squeezed my eyes shut, suddenly the light too much for them. I took deep breaths, the marks pulsed as I was finally able to close my mouth and swallowed, my throat dry all of a sudden. The dark spots were gone, but a slight headache started overtaking the haze, forehead lightly pulsing rhythmically. As I opened my eyes, I was met with Seonghwa staring down at me with lust coating his whole face, his red eyes shinning as he was breathing hard. Apparently I wasn’t the only one affected as my body continued to tingle, a different kind of want overtaking it. Seonghwa’s hand was still gripping my nape and my eyes fell to his plump lips, the inside of the still bloody. Coated with my blood. Something inside of Seonghwa snapped again as he leaned down, crashing his cherry red lips against mine, tasting like iron, nothing like the sweet taste he described. His lips moved against mine hungrily and I kissed him back with just as much fervor, fingers tangling in his pushed back pink hair, yanking on it when he pushed my lips more open with his tongue. His tongue slipped inside my mouth and lapped at my own, sucking on it hard, making me moan involuntarily. Seonghwa’s hands gripped my cheeks hard as my lungs screamed for air, but I was drunk on his warmth and passion, teeth clanking against the other. I bit his lower lip hard, making Seonghwa hiss before I released it, licking the saliva off my lips. Seonghwa went and clipped my lower lip with his suddenly shirked fangs. His breath was fanning my face, quick and hot, and all I could do was look up in his brown eyes and chuckle, pulling my head back slightly to free my lip from his assaults.

“Well, that didn’t hurt nearly as badly as I was expecting it to.” I muttered and Seonghwa smirked, leaning close again that his lips were brushing against mine.

“If you think you’ll ever get away from me after this,” He chuckled and shook his head, “you’re very wrong. Once we have graduated I will request for you to be my guardian.”

“Fuck you.” I snapped, suddenly glaring at him as Seonghwa smirked viciously, “You’ll never have me.”

“Oh, but don’t I already?” He taunted and pressed a soft kiss against my lips mockingly, making me wrestle out of his grip as he just laughed, “I always get what I want.”

“If you tell anyone that I—” Suddenly I felt too sober, suddenly I realized the weight of my actions.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want anyone to know about our dirty little secret, love.” Seonghwa chuckled as I walked away from him, needing to put distance between our bodies, “I hope you do know vampire venom is addictive—”

“Of course, I know!” My voice raised as I whirled around to glare at him, “One bite won’t make me addicted, though.”

“One or two won’t, indeed.” I didn’t like the glint in his eyes nor the promise in his voice. Something told me that this wasn’t the last time he’d come to me to drink my blood. Fuck, I just fucked myself over for a lifetime. Park Seonghwa always gets what he wants, and if he requests for me to be his guardian after graduation, he would get just that. It’s true what they say after all, curiosity killed the cat.

Masterlist (divider) Next part

[strawberry-cowmilk]

voicemails

-> mc is back in the human world but didn't pick up the phone, so the brothers leave a voicemail

-> brothers x mc

mc's gender is not mentioned, not proof read also kind of trying out a new style hehe

content warnings: kind of angsty maybe, alcohol use, gambling mentions

-----

Lucifer

'good evening, mc. it is a fine evening here in the devildom, I hope it's the same case with you. I have just returned from a meeting with diavolo, we've had... quite the demonus. however I am by no means drunk. anyways I have actually been listening to the record you got for me, a thoughtful gift indeed. I just have a feeling that... it would sound lots better with you in the chair next to me. (he chuckles) well, there's no helping it. perhaps I have to bring you back to the devildom myself?'

'I was hoping to hear your voice, too bad you didn't pick up the phone. are you perhaps asleep, mc? in that case I shall leave you be. sleep well, mc.'

Mammon

'yo mc, why are you not picking up your phone? I just snuck away from home with mine to talk tp you, you know? ugh... that cocky lucifer and his stupid rules. like what do you mean we gotta take turns calling you? no way, I ain't waiting so long to talk to you! just cause he's the eldest he thinks he's all high and mighty!'

'okay anyways, on with the important stuff! so listen up I called because I scored HUGE at the casino today and you know how I won so much huh? I bet on your favorite number, y'know... cause I miss you and all... (he suddenly coughs) ah wait no what I just said ain't true! I bet on your favorite number cause... well... that was my battery percentage or something...'

'okay anyways mc, you better visit the devildom soon! bye bye! have a good day!'

Leviathan

'um hi what's up? how's the human world? did you get the games and anime I asked you to get yet? I totally can't wait to see what kind of stuff you got over there! oh and I can't wait to show you the newest releases here in the devildom! the latest season of 'I went to the fair a 6km distance from my house with my best friend and pet dog but the manager turned out to be my online gaming buddy' came last week and I binged it all!'

'um (pause) but look I kind of called to tell you... well... you gotta come here fast so we can share the stuff you know? ahh it's no good I can't say it! um well look, I miss you!' (he hangs up suddenly)

Satan

'hello mc, I see you're not picking up your phone. are you busy? listen to this voice message any time you'd like then. I hope the human world is treating you well, it's so different from the devildom after all. well at least you won't have to worry about anyone stealing your soul.'

'exam season at rad just ended, I'm satisfied with most of my scores. I am a little disappointed because of my spells and potions grade, a 83 isn't good enough to me. could it be I was distracted because I miss you? (he sighs) well, one more reason for you to hurry back here. everyone's been fighting over who gets to call you first and all that, it's pissing me off. but I get it, I love hearing your voice. well mc I guess this is it, goodbye for now.'

Asmodeus

'hi mc! finally it's my turn to talk to you, but what's up with not picking up hm? well as long as you promise to call me back later, I don't mind leaving a voicemail for you! did you do anything fun recently? I attended some parties but well, they were kind of boring. or was I just... not feeling it? whatever that doesn't matter, I just wanna see you again! how much longer are you going to stay in the human world? I miss you so so so much!'

'I hope you miss me too. do you miss me? when you call me back you have to answer that question, deal? and if yes you have to visit. there's so much I want to talk to you about, so much I wanna show you! like I made into a magazine, you just have to see it! call soon, okay? I love you.'

Beelzebub

hell's kitchen is having a sale. when you but a cheeseburger you get a second one free. of course I took advantage of the deal and got a lot of cheeseburgers. you should visit soon mc, I want to share my food with you. it tastes better like that.' (you can basically hear him smiling through the phone)

'anyways, everyone misses you. sometimes my brothers get really sad, it's kind of hard to watch sometimes. of course I really miss you too. I think about you every time before I fall asleep. it makes me have good dreams. also my team won another game last night, I wish you could have seen it. well, next time right? bye mc, I hope to talk to you soon.'

Belphegor

'hi mc. how are you doing? I hope you're good. listen I'm on the balcony right now and there's stars in the sky. ugh I hate to be that one cheesy guy in your average romance movie but... the stars look like you. I can see your face in them. nevermind just forget what I said that was really sappy.'

'anyways please call me back, I get that you're probably busy or napping right now but I want to hear your voice. I want to hear how you've been there in the human world, hopefully your weather is nice.'

'well I'm running out of stuff to say, bye mc. call me back.'

[the-west-meadow]

Heartbreaker

Roman Roy x Reader

summary: As your relationship with Roman grows more uncertain, you turn to the person who knows him best for advice.

Midway through the day, you spotted Gerri on her way out of the office and sprang up from your desk, jogging after her. 

“Hey Gerri,” you said, “Could I buy you lunch today?”

“I’m flattered. What’s the occasion?”

“I need your input on something.” 

She eyed you suspiciously.

“Is this business or personal?”

“Personal.”

“Fine. But you’re buying me a drink, too.”

Gerri took you to a high-end lunch spot downtown. You settled at a table near the window, picking up your menus. No prices. You swallowed. You had known this wouldn’t come cheap.

“What’s on your mind, Y/N?”

“It’s Roman.”

Gerri let out a subtle sigh, adjusting her glasses as she scanned the menu.

“I should have known,” she murmured. 

“I’m completely at a loss.”

“Welcome to the club.”

“I mean, what can you tell me? Every time I ask him about his relationship history he starts mumbling and won’t make eye contact.” 

“I don’t know much more than you,” she said. “There were a few girls that I know of. But as far as I know they never went anywhere, if you know what I mean.”

“I don’t.”

“Do I have to say it?”

“Yes, Gerri.”

“Well, then.” She cleared her throat. “As far as I know, they never… you know. Fucked.”

You sat back with a somewhat satisfied smirk on your face.

“Okay then,” you said. 

“Don’t let that hearten you. In fact, it might be a reason for you to pack up and look elsewhere.” 

Gerri sighed and rubbed her nose lightly.

“Roman is extremely complicated,” she went on. “You think you have him figured out, then he surprises you again. He’s chaotic, he’s unpredictable, he’s highly unstable—“

“Gerri,” you said, interrupting. “You’re saying all this like it should deter me.”

“If you were a sane human being, it would.”

“Let’s say I’m not. Let’s say I’m invested in seeing where this Roman trip takes me.”

She finally looked at you with something like mingled sympathy and admiration.

“Then I might be able to give you a few pointers.”

The drinks arrived. Gerri took a long sip before considering what she would say next. 

“First, it might help if you told me what it is about Roman that interests you.”

You took a swig of your own drink before you responded. 

“Let me just say that I didn’t choose to feel this way. I fully intended not to like Roman when I came to work for this company. Everything I heard made me dread meeting him. Even in our first few meetings, I was still determined not to like him. He was weirdly twitchy, he wouldn’t stop climbing on furniture. I thought he was a self-absorbed prick.”

“You weren’t wrong.”

“Right. But we both know there’s something underneath that.”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“He’s a heartbreaker, Gerri.”

“I know.”

You put your head down on the table. The waiter arrived with your entrees, unsure where to put them until Gerri nudged you beneath the table. You shot up, composing yourself. Gerri leaned towards you. 

“Listen, I know Roman. He’s tough. But I think he’ll open up to you.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Roman’s been looking in all the wrong places for love. I think his relationship with his dad shows that pretty clearly. He has an image in his mind of the kind of partner he should have. But that’s not the partner that he ultimately wants.”

“And what kind of partner does he want?”

“Maybe one who’s as broken as he is.”

You cracked a grin.

“I’m not sure whether to take that as a compliment or not,” you said.

“It’s meant as one. I know you’ve been through some tough times, but look where it’s brought you. Sometimes the most broken people end up being the strongest.”

She looked at you with that same admiring glint in her eye.

“When I first met you, I thought I saw a lot of myself in you.”

“Sorry, but there’s no way Gerri Kellman is a broken person.”

A small smile.

“You’d be surprised.”

You ate for a while in silence, thinking over each other’s words. Gerri finally glanced at her watch.

“We should be getting back soon.”

“Tell me what to do, Gerri. I’m lost when it comes to him.”

“My advice?” She dabbed at her lips with her napkin, took a sip of ice water. “Don’t give up on Roman.”

“Give me one good reason.”

She looked you straight in the eye. “Because,” she said, “Last week, he asked me to lunch to talk about you.”

Your heart leapt in your chest.

“You’re kidding me.”

She shook her head firmly.

“I thought he didn’t like me,” you said.

“Quite the opposite.”

“Holy fuck.”

Gerri shook her head, gathering her bag with a smile on her lips.

“That’s an understatement. You’re in for a wild ride, Y/N.”

You drove back to the office with her, riding in silence up the elevators. As you walked back towards the conference room, Roman strode out of his office, hands in pockets. 

“Oh look,” he said, “It’s my two favorite people.”

He stopped in his tracks. You could see his mind backpedaling in real time. 

“Sorry, did I say that? I meant my two favorite corporate thralls. Get back to the conference room where you belong. Why aren’t you on a call right now? Fuck you. Leave me alone.”

Gerri had a smirk on her lips. Neither of you budged. Finally, Roman hurried past you, running a hand through his hair, throwing obscenities into the air.

“See?” Gerri said. “He does like you.”