#and vampires who do gay wrongs are just the best kind of vampires

[nikatyler]

It will never not be funny how originally Callias was supposed to be a Caleb replacement and now he's like. The OPPOSITE of Caleb

Like babygirl would kill if someone dared to look gayer and hotter than him and he would say that's a very valid reason to murder someone and suck them dry

Meanwhile Caleb is like but the humans 🥺 I wanna live among the humans and be good 🥺🥺

And Ross would be like. Okay Callias I absolutely get you but you need to stop

[feluka]

critical role is the single most frustrating and annoying fandom to be in when you care enough about a character/plotline to be mad about hearing the bad takes but once you step away long enough to stop caring it becomes the world's funniest and most entertaining fandom. just witnessed several long and elaborate arguments go down about.. *checks notes* whether or not it's infantalizing to draw a character with glasses. i literally brought a bag of popcorn and went through the notes with glee it's so so much fun to see that stuff when you don't give a damn about the source

[liketheinferno2]

These aren't full ref sheets but I was trying to take some clear pictures of Hephaistos for later art reasons and then got side tracked doing all of the Pandaemonium bosses so here they are in order. Also for anyone following who doesn't play FFXIV and knows it as the catgirl game, enjoy this instead? VISUAL SPOILERS obviously.

Asphodelos

Warder of the Condemned: Erichthonios

Mythic Creation: The Hippokampos

Mythic Creation: The Phoinix

(+ familiars)

Hemitheos: Hesperos

(+ sexy fanfic redesign by Nemjiji)

To be brutally honest I never really liked either of these designs compared to every other Hemitheos we get, I think the really brutal black and red of the Phoinix is weakened by gold accents, but I still am always down for gay vampire surf rock. The Savage version kind of looks like Ultimalius as well if you've played XVI.

Abyssos

Mythic Creation: Proto-Carbuncle

Hrgrhhgrhrgrh

Hemitheos: Hegemone

^ My favourite detail on this is you can see the parasite's outlines in her robes and in her legs, then right through the eye holes on the mask to wrap around the torso. I'm convinced this version of Hegemone is functionally an ant being piloted by a cordyceps infection.

Hemitheos: Agdistis

She's very big

Perfect Imperfection: Hephaistos

I'm probably biased by Abyssos being the first raid I was there for day of release but these really are all fantastic. It's also when the story abandons all pretense of not being (at least partly) about family abuse and is loudly using the body horror and shackle motifs to talk about that. It's great. Hephaistos specifically is constantly bulging and twisting in and out of different forms like a highly unstable chimera and the more I look at these the more I notice parts that just should not be there. He's giving everything.

As for the Savage design It's a hard thing to rate as such but my favourite part is the veins that grow down from the eyeholes in his mask like bloody tears.

Thanks Abyssos I love you

Anabaseios

Mythic Creation: Kokytos

Dæmoniac Dungeon: Pandæmonium

It's really hard to communicate how huge this nasty tumor crab I zoomed out as far as physically possible in the game engine and subsequently ended up at a goofy angle staring up his nose.

Ephemeral Justice: Themis

Best boy. The double ended lance and second pair of arms are fantastic for this character.

Theos: Athena

In.. almost every final fantasy adventure you're fighting the real villain not at the very end but a little beforehand, the big iconic end boss is often more a metaphorical figure representing everything wrong with that first person's ideals. Athena cut out the middle man and became her own JENOVA.

I do like the moth angel, especially the hollow body full of dubious orbs, but with her eyes closed all the time it gives off the impression of this not even being the true body but some kind of anglerfish lure in the shape of a fairy... which might be true because this exists:

I really really love her twitchy anemone feelers and how the moth body ends up grafted to the rest of it waist down.

Anyway there's the gang I did not specifically intend for this to be design reviews I just wanted to have clear photos because when you actually see them in game there's other things to focus on. In hindsight I can appreciate more the theming of each tier and then the series as a whole, but my only (extremely obvious) observation for now is that every character Athena had a personal hold over is decorated in chains somehow and so I should have seen the Hegemone thing coming lmao. Heph and Aggy are still my favourites I don't think that's changing any time soon. I'm also noticing that Anabaseios is now just old enough for random DF parties to fuck up severely and I find that fun so I'm going to go fight the crab mansion now.

[imagine-silk]

Hi I was wondering if you would do fallout 4 companions reaction to m!sole s/o who acts kinda suspicious and always covers up during the day and never seems to eat in front of them only to find out sole is a vampire, he only feeds on bad people, animals, and buys or scavenges blood bags when he can. When his companion finds out he is seems panicked and is quick to reassure that he would never hurt them is sorry for lying but he didn’t want to scare them away.

Sorry if I sent this before I don’t have a good memory

》Had to do this during gay month because there is nothing gayer than vampires. (I asked my mom what's gayer than a vampire and she immediately said, "You." No hesitation.)

》I didn't include Deacon because I already have a post on him here x

【Cait】 "What the fuck?!"

She attacks you. Twice. Once when she finds out and you have to stop her and again a few days later. She grew up with a healthy dose of distrust so she didn't trust you from the second she laid eyes on you. Then you were cagey around her and that only fed her suspicion. Then she caught you drinking blood in the middle of the night. She couldn't take you down then so she tries again when you're asleep, not knowing you only lay down for the night because you don't sleep. You decide to make a deal with her. If you can convince her you mean no harm in a month's time she won't kill you, and if you fail she can kill you. The whole time she's waiting for you to slip up but you never do. In fact she sees just how in control you are and almost envies it. That's when she starts to consider taking your help.

【Codsworth】 "Right, sir. Let's cover you up. Wouldn't want you to catch a cold. It's so good to have you back."

Of course he knew. He knows to do the 'wink and nod' shtick in front of others. He's very protective of you, even before the bombs so it's cranked up to eleven now. Being a vampire wasn't illegal before the bombs but there were very strict rules and you could be fined for not following them. Most vampires got by by pretending they weren't what they were. Depending what kind they were they'd take the day-shift because they could and it wasn't common knowledge vampires had varying severity to sunlight. He's disappointed at the blood offerings of the Wasteland nowadays but that's to be expected. The best he does it keep you covered and welcome you home.

【Curie】 "I know this."

She didn't realize you were hiding because she knows all the symptoms so the her it was obvious. Of course her studies extended to vampires. She also knows through her studies what a marvel you are because vampires exposed to large amounts of radiation will always turn feral so you can no longer see vampires in the Commonwealth. Small doses won't do that so drinking from the Wasteland now won't do that but she checks what you drink just to be safe. Get ready for a lot of check-ups.

【Danse】 "Is there a cure?"

You told him while he was hiding in the bunker as a way to prove to him he's only as dangerous as he allows himself to be. If he was still a part of the Brotherhood he'd be forced to put you down but he's no longer welcome and he knows you too well to be able to do that. He couldn't save Cutler but you didn't lose your mind, you've always been like that. Still afterward he wants to cure you. He says it's to help you not be a slave to hunger and walk in the sun but a part of him deep down feels like you're wrong. He tries to ignore that feeling but it's still there. So he goes around looking for a cure.

【Hancock】 "Ooooooh, I want to suck your blood."

He immediately teases you and has no concern for his own well-being even though you're freaking out about it. He figures if you were going to attack him you'd have already done it. That and the fact he's not really afraid of dying. He even makes a joke it'd be a really cool way to go if you ever did. You'll find him sometimes draped across the couch with his shirt open while he goes, "I hope no one bites my neck. It'd be such a shame if that happened." He's mostly teasing but he does want it to happen. He thinks it'd be really hot.

【MacCready】 "Let's get moving."

He thinks about killing you a lot, a surprising amount. Before he knew he already didn't trust you. He's a hired gun, he'd be stupid to trust you with the way you were acting. The second you tell him he says he's fine with it but he feels like he traded one concern for another. There are different points he thinks about it. When you're alone and relaxed or during a fight he thinks about how easy it would be to just shoot you then and be done with it. But the reasons not to greatly outnumber the reasons to do it. You can protect him better than anyone else in the Commonwealth, you've reassured him many times and told him yourself, you help people and saved his son. Just to name a few. For a long time he takes reassurance in the promise to himself he'll kill you at a moments notice but at a certain point he realizes he can't, or rather he won't.

【Nick】 "Of course you are."

He's seen a lot in his time. When he catches you drinking blood he thinks, 'that might as well happen'. You have to explain because his immediate thought is you're a cannibal. He runs by the belief actions define a person rather than what they are so he gives you the benefit of the doubt. You can't drink off of him, if he could he would, so he recommends eating off your enemies if you can. He also does his best to hide what you are from the public. He could never hide what he was but you can and he'll protect that til the end. If someone tries to call you out on it he'll say they're out of their mind and that vampires aren't real. Who are people gonna believe; a random person or Nick Valentine, a detective who has saved a lot of people and has almost universal trust?

【Piper】 "Interesting. Were there people like you out and about before the bombs or did this happen recently?"

After she freaks out and hits you over the head she apologies and helps you up. She knew you were hiding something but she wasn't expecting you to drink blood. She a little hurt you didn't tell her but she gets it; she's got a paper and she has the means to out you to the public. Her curiosity can get overwhelming and she asks you to bite her so she can know what it's like. She does at one point threaten you if you ever touch Nat she'll kill you, and she means it. She doesn't think you will but she just wanted to cover her bases.

【Preston】 "As long as you're not hurting anyone."

He has no idea what a vampire is so he has no idea what it entails. He doesn't understand just how dangerous you can be to the people around you. Slowly he pieces together the dangers but figures you're in controls so everything is fine. One day you drink from a feral ghoul because nothing else was around and you were getting a bit desperate. The radiation drove you a bit mad and you ended up attacking him. Thankfully you snapped out of it before any real damage could be done but you did put the fear of God in him. However when he sees you sulking for the rest of the day he knows you didn't mean to and goes to console you.

【X6-88】 "No need to explain."

He's not tied down by any social terms so you go out at night exclusively until the Institute is destroyed. And he's not surprised. Everyone in the Institute knows, courtesy of Shaun(who took his genes from Nora so he's human). Another courtesy of Shaun is blood. They have bags for you on tap and all the residents of the Institute are instructed to allow you to drink off of them if you ask them. A disturbing rule in place that makes you a bit uncomfortable. X6 never offers but if you ask he'll lower his collar without hesitation. If you ask if it's safe he tells you it is because synths are perfect copies and pain is of no concern to him, it's safer to drink off of him than anyone else. After the Institute is destroyed he finds himself worrying over your well-being and he doesn't know why. He knows your best source of blood on cover is gone but he knows you can take care of yourself and most worrying he shouldn't be feeling in the first place.

[coraniaid]

I really really like Doppelgangland. It is a very fun episode. I enjoyed rewatching it a lot, just as I knew I would going into it. I understand why it's some people's favorite entry of the season and why it regularly appears in top five episode lists for the show as a whole. But.

Okay, there are some world-building and plotting issues I have with it, namely:

By all the rules established in The Wish, I don't think the Wishverse should ... you know, exist. What exactly did Giles breaking Anyanka's amulet do if it still does? It didn't send Cordelia back (she was already dead), it just ... what?

The Mayor sending vampires to kill 'our' Willow is a bit too blatantly just an excuse to give vampire!Willow some disposable henchmen (why does he not ever try again?).

Willow doubling back to the library to get the tranquilizer gun last seen in Beauty and the Beasts is a nice bit of continuity (even if it took me a second to realize that that's what she was doing) but vampire!Willow having snuck out of her own hostage situation to show up and be captured is a bit harder to justify.

But -- as I've said before -- plotting and world-building aren't Buffy's strengths and I would certainly agree with the suggestion that these are all laughably minor complaints. Pedantic nit-picking of the worst sort. Who cares? (Well, me, but.)

Much more important though, is the end of the episode, and how the problem of Willow's doppelganger is resolved. That's the part that keeps this one out of my own best-of lists.

I've touched on this a bit before (when I talked about Ted earlier, for example), but during this rewatch I've often noticed that I really do not agree with the implied moral judgements that the show is making. Last week Faith killing one person by mistake was a huge deal. Okay. This week, Buffy and Willow deliberately let a known murderer and torturer free to -- as far as they can reasonably expect, and as far as they will ever know -- willfully murder and torture countless people. How is this not far, far worse than what Faith did in Bad Girls? Do the lives of people Buffy won't ever meet just matter less? Is the show claiming that death by vampire is somehow preferable to death by stake? Is giving vampire!Willow "a choice" a meaningful action when the show's lore has, to this point, been very very clear that vampires do not have a choice (not that she shows any sign of regretting her actions anyway)?

Yes, conveniently for everyone involved (except her), vampire!Willow dies within seconds of being sent back to her home dimension and doesn't get to hurt anyone, but this surely can have little bearing on the morality of the decision to let her live and send her back in the first place. What did the Scoobies expect would happen?

(And yes, Willow not being ready to kill her evil, "kind of gay" shadow self is obviously an intentional echo of Buffy having to grapple with that choice herself later this season. I get it. And yes, it would be hard to argue that the episode would be meaningfully better if Buffy had just staked vampire!Willow at the first opportunity, and that's not what I'm suggesting should have happened. But the idea that Buffy -- who was willing to send her boyfriend to hell to save the world, and willing to stake the vampire that her old crush Ford was turned into, and who told Xander and Willow that they had no option but to kill the vampire version of their friend Jesse -- would not just spare a vampire but let it go free to kill again simply because it looked like (but was not!) her friend Willow does not sit well with me at all.)

And what's especially frustrating is that the show (to say nothing of the wider fandom) doesn't seem to even realize there's any particular problem here. Vampire!Willow isn't happy where she is, so they send her somewhere they think she will be happy, problem solved. But I really think there is something wrong with this, and it's something that will (in some form or another) become increasingly worrisome as the show goes on.

(Also, the obvious elephant in the room here is that if Willow wants to spare a vampire's life but not let it hurt people -- Willow Rosenberg the witch who successfully cast a spell to give a vampire a soul last year -- it shouldn't be hard for her to figure out a way to do just that. But then, for Buffy to work at all as a premise going forward, we all have to agree to pretend that this spell just doesn't work on vampires not called Angel, I guess.)

[licncourt]

Have you read TVA and Blood and Gold? I would LOVE your rundown on all the historical inaccuracies in BaG.

Unfortunately yes, I have read those with my eyes :/

(the Marius/Armand pederasty conversation I've been meaning to have for like a year below the cut btw)

I wish I hadn't read B&G so young, I didn't have the breadth of knowledge or the foresight to mark anything for later when I was sixteen. I'd reread it for this exact analysis but really I don't think I have it in me so memory and ctrl + f to confirm will have to suffice.

Honestly, the biggest problem I had with it wasn't inaccuracies so much as the fact that the whole book reads like a Wikipedia entry. It's so clumsy and dry, it feels like AR just wants us to know how many Roman Facts she learned. It overshadows the story rather than adds to it. Fr, read this (if you can stand it).

There was not one reason in the world that she needed to explain the Battle of the Milvian Bridge in that level of detail, and that's coming from me. This sounds like a bad undergrad paper from a student who wants to prove they did the reading.

The whole book feels like this except when it detours into creepy and pedophilic, and I just don't need my vampire book to explain the Council of Nicaea AND the Edict of Milan AND the Parthian Wars AND the Vatican wall frescoes AND the Medici bank and a million other things to me like I'm in a survey lecture. It's mind-numbing for me and this is literally what I DO, so I can only imagine how other people must feel with no context or particular interest in this stuff.

It's not that she's WRONG per say, it's more that she clearly has no understanding of these subjects outside the rote recitation of facts. It's just regurgitated bullet points about Roman history and the Italian Renaissance. She also repeats some well known apocryphal stories in there, but I'm going to be generous and hope she doesn't think these are facts (like the Chi-Rho epiphany).

If anything seems sus and I don't remember it though, feel free to send it to me and I can yay or nay the information to the best of my ability!

*cw here for discussion of CSA*

With that said, I do think AR had a very skewed understanding of the pederastic dynamic or was choosing to ignore it, which is unfortunate considering how attached she was to the idea. A lot of my thesis research coincided with Greco-Roman pederastic tradition, so it's a pet peeve of mine when it's misapplied. It's not an uncommon problem (Call Me By Your Name has this going on too), but authors sending gay relationships with a rapey age gap through a "pederasty" funnel always pisses me off.

The history of pederasty is very long and complicated and ancient (we're talking Homer and Iliad kind of old here), but the bare bones explanation of the process and logic is this:

The ancient Greeks were deeply invested in turning their upper class boys into good citizens. To accomplish this, sometimes an established adult man would woo a younger male (most often starting at 14-19 years old) with gifts and attention over an extended period of time. Once the courtship was complete and the boy's self control had been proven, there were sexual relations between the two for a period of time.

The purpose of this relationship was ultimately to educate the boy, and the physical pleasure was used as a teaching tool to establish rapport and intimacy that could then be escalated to instruction on matters of philosophy and intellect in general. Essentially using the mastery and maturation of one's body as a stepping stone to the mastery and maturation of the mind. Once the boy was appropriately prepared to enter elite male society and/or had become physically developed as a man, the relationship ended.

It's pretty obvious that she's trying to do a whole pederastic erastes/eromenos thing with Marius and Armand, but she took an already very bad and gross practice from history and muddled it up with her own awful ideas about consent from minors and sexual fantasies of a kinky student/teacher savior relationship in her vampire books.

I hate the erotic and romanticized version of pederasty that's become weirdly popular in gay media, and AR was one of the first to really do this. It just picks up the historical thread of CSA under the guise of a kid's "consent" and continues to normalize it to modern readers with a new sexy twist. Using a bastardized version of a fucked up ancient practice to implicitly justify or downplay the severity of statutory rape is simply not the move, especially when gay and bisexual men already face stigma around being predatory and pedophilic. Just don't.

[sanjuwrites]

WIP Wednesday

thanks to @alrightbuckaroo, @decafdino, and @bonheur-cafe for the tags!

the next installment of the day i met you, everything changed is ready, and it's quite angsty 👀👀 this will be out tomorrow!

TK’s settling in on his couch with a bowl of matzo ball soup from Biderman’s Deli when he hears a knock at the door. With a sigh, TK sets the bowl on the coffee table and goes to open the door and – oh.

“Carlos, oh my god.” TK gets his first good look at Carlos since the night of their graduation, and his heart aches at how good Carlos looks. “I wasn’t expecting you, come in. I have some soup from Biderman’s, do you want some? I also have one of those pesto potato sandwiches you like, although I was gonna eat that one for dinner – why are you still at the door? Come in, dude. Did you, like, turn into a vampire while you were gone?”

TK watches as Carlos winces, “Actually, that’s what I’m here to talk to you about, Ty. Can we sit down?” 

TK’s definitely confused now, but he lets it go as he leads Carlos over to the couch. 

“Yeah, um, is everything okay? You kind of just disappeared, and I was wondering if anything was wrong. Even when Andrea said that everything was okay, she didn’t seem convinced.”

Carlos wrings his hands together, and TK reaches over and puts his hand on top of Carlos’s intertwined ones. 

“Hey, it’s just me, okay? Whatever’s wrong, we’ll deal with it together, Carlos, I promise. You just need to talk to me here.”

Carlos nods, and he takes a deep breath. 

“Yeah, okay. I – I got married, TK.” TK removes his hand as if Carlos burned him, and Carlos immediately misses the warmth of TK’s hand on top of his. 

“I’m sorry?”

“I got married last week, Ty. It’s why I’ve been gone, I was telling my parents – and her parents. It finally all worked itself out, so I came to you both.”

“Her?” TK’s eyes sting with the tears he’s holding back, and he refuses to let them fall. Logically, he knows it’s a woman because they couldn’t legally marry anyone else, but TK isn’t being rational. “You married a woman, Carlos? Did you forget the fact that you’re gay? Who’s the lucky woman anyway?”

Carlos looks away at TK’s bitter tone, “I married Iris, TK.” 

TK snorts bitterly and looks at Carlos, “And at any point since you made this hare-brained decision, did you plan on letting us know that you planned on marrying a woman and gallivanting off into the sunset, or were we just afterthoughts to you?”

“TK, please, that’s not fair. I’m sorry I–”“Fourteen days. You completely disappeared for fourteen days, and every time I texted you, you blew me off Carlos. I’m your best fucking friend, and you couldn’t even give me the heads-up that I definitely deserved before you left.” TK stops for a second, looking everywhere but Carlos. “Does Aishu know? Know that you married the woman she’s in love with?”

i'm gonna tag @chaotictarlos, @taralaurel, and @freneticfloetry!

[minarcana]

anyways some hesperosposting so its not all technically spread out between 2-3 unwilling discords of my utter insanity, and can be on my blog for vague posterity

he lived post pandae shut hte fuck up. purging the athena out of him was easy because she had an insanely difficult time getting him to ally with her in the first place and making him into a stable hemitheos (at least that much is canon) but purging the vampire out of him was nigh impossible because he was, in fact, the most stable hemitheos. as such he's still a keywarden as a vampire, he's just also a prisoner. hed rather commit seppuku than betray lahabreas trust again though so its fine

his deal with erichthonios is that he has, in fact, always liked erich and that was a sincere feeling. however he also felt "its super weird and kinda unfortunate that this kid sucks ass at magic, i cant believe lahabrea and athenas kid is so shitty at casting? is something wrong with him?" and that got manipulated into the shit he was talking at erich in raid.

hes never cared one way or the other for athena bc she was/is entirely irrelevant to him. even as a hemitheos lol sorry athena. he tolerates her with ambivalence at best and it was pulling teeth for her to find a way to maniuplate him into lashing out within pandae.

its canon that hes known 'for his kindness to warder and prisoner alike' at pandae hesperos is out here organizing employee birthday parties shut up. he cares about you. he is the one who was giving the proto-carbuncle cat treats and thats why its so pissed off and hungry now bc its caretaker fucked off to be gay and dead. if he were demoted from keywarden to mere prisoner there would be an uprising of the minor employees who all like him, so truly the "hes both" is just the best solution for lahabrea

he was much more reserved pre-auracite but still had a grand tendency for the dramatic whenever he was relaxed enough to not be putting on professional airs. its much worse after pandae because the auracite broke down a lot of his ability for self-restraint and he has a hard time rebuilding it. generally he is Extra and internally dialed up to about 11 while trying to act as if he's at 2. he was an artsy bitch and participant in the equivalent of a drag/ball fashion scene before raids and now that he can't leave pandae hes grumpy about being deprived from theatre and will find workarounds to do something engaging. he modifies his own clothes to make them more Interesting, dress code be damned.

truly he is a theatre bitch forced by his profound lust for lahabrea to be a zoo warden

the original Beaste in greek lore hes combined with is more like a ghoul than a vampire but since he is obviously meant to be a european vampire, he is a european vampire instead of a ghoul. he possesses vampiric weaknesses, namely he can't go out in the sun (moot, since pandae is underground) and requires a diet of "other people's life" to function, though this is easily afforded through a supply of aether supplementation from the aether pandaemonium cycles. he'd be healthier with blood but he isn't going to ask anyone about that.

he is so so so photosensitive. he cant see for shit when it's bright. he can barely see for shit when its not bright if hes taken off his glasses, but turn the lights on too high and he'll walk into a wall.

the little bat minion you get from p4 is a part of him. it's a familiar generated from himself. unlike hesperos proper, those can be out in the sun.

his fighting style is most equivalent to a red mage. as a modern xiv au (as a reincarnation, i guess? not a shard, like if he were the same dude but eorzean) he'd be a red mage with some voidsent poisoning. in a modern human au he's a zoo vet.

[floatingcatacombs]

A Year of Metal Gear: REVENGEANCE

12 Days of Aniblogging 2022, Day 10

By no means should Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance actually be good. It’s a hack-and-slash character action game that emerged without any involvement from directorial mainstay Hideo Kojima after years of development hell getting passed between studios. Taking place at the end of the Metal Gear chronology, this game discards the vast majority of series lore, retaining one major character: Raiden.

(my writeup ended up being a few thousand words so it's going behind a read-more. it's worth it, though.)

A recap is in order. Raiden is introduced in Metal Gear Solid 2 as an inferior replacement for Solid Snake, a snively bishounen who is routinely mocked and belittled within the game. Only in the last act is he able to forge an identity unique from Snake’s, displayed narratively as well as mechanically when he starts wielding a sword. Taking Snake’s advice at the very end, Raiden sets out to find his own meaning and pass down the ideas that he values the most.

Raiden returns in MGS4, and after five years of soul-searching, he’s become convinced that the only meaning in his life comes from the battlefield. Also, he got kidnapped by the government and taken to Area 51 and made into a cyborg ninja between installments, you can’t make this shit up. He spends the whole game having homoerotic duels with a vampire and suggestively bleeding out white fluid.

Clearly something went wrong during his quest for meaning! After all, Raiden was a child soldier, so choosing to return to the battlefield parses as regression, not personal growth. But wait, he’s finally figured out a self-justification! In Metal Gear Rising he fights to “protect the weak”. It is this justification that kicks this game off, which kind of exists to poke at the flaws and contradictions in Raiden’s philosophy.

What the hell does it mean to be a cyborg ninja, anyway? In my previous Metal Gear writeups I viewed this character archetype as a conduit for masochism. For Raiden, it is also getting to have his effeminate nature and general incompetence in MGS2 ripped out and replaced with uncaring metal and the decisiveness to kill. It’s a forced-masculinization fantasy, which demands both a loss and a gain in agency in ways that feminization does not (it’s still gotta be gay tho). But there’s definitely more to it, especially in Revengeance. Here, it’s more about being a mass killer and having to come up with a way to justify yourself, to yourself.

So the antagonists in this game can all be read as foils to Raiden. They’ve come up with their own rationales for personally grinding the gears of war, and demand that Raiden explain how his killing is above all of that. It’s an attack on his values alongside his body. This game is…how do I say it…blunt. Most of what I’m saying is actively textual at times. It’s just that most people don’t take the politics seriously because there’s also the most over-the-top bullshit imaginable happening at the same time.  

Despite everything, Metal Gear Rising is amazing. Its exterior is willfully stupid and it comes off looking all the smarter for it. In a series famous for predicting the future, Revengeance instead demonstrates a deep understanding of the eternal present that emerges from the supposed end of history. It’s not the best video game, but it is the video game.

The prologue level introduces our villains and stakes, but more importantly establishes everyone’s power levels. In Metal Gear Solid games, the titular Metal Gear of every game is the culmination of that time period’s weapons and anxieties. By Rising, we’ve moved past the paradigm of Metal Gears and are now in an era where battles are determined by individuals fighting one-on-one with their weapons and beliefs. This transition is exemplified by Raiden suplexing a Metal Gear RAY while an electro-metal singer screams RULES OF NATURE in the background. Once again, we’re not playing with subtlety here. It is the era of the cyborg.

At the end of the chapter, rival Jetstream Sam calls bullshit on Raiden’s protecting-the-weak ideals. “You deny your weapon its purpose! It yearns to bathe in the blood of your enemies, but you hold it back.” Raiden doesn’t have an answer to this and gets dismembered.

We then jump ahead a week, after Raiden’s has been refitted with an even more militarized yet flamboyant cyborg body. It’s masculinity by way of carbon-fiber and camp. He even has little hand and toe claws! Anyways, his current mission is to put down a coup attempt in an undisclosed Eastern European country. This goes about as unexamined as Raiden’s job in the prologue, which is to act as security detail for the potentially iron-fisted prime minster of an undisclosed African country. The international political interventions that Raiden’s private military company is doing go largely undiscussed within the game, which means that either they’re just a plot vehicle to get Raiden in different locales, or it’s commentary on the amorality of warmongers. Anyways, after tearing through dozens of cyborgs and draining them of their fluids, Raiden faces off against Blade Wolf, a literal dog of war. Its programming is not that different from Raiden when he was a child soldier, a tool for killing with no free will of its own. It can’t be an accident that Raiden’s first major foe represents his past.

Nor is it a mistake that the end-stage boss is an analogue for Raiden’s present-day disillusionment. Mistral goes for an empathetic appeal, arguing to Raiden that the two of them are ultimately the same. They’re child soldiers, trained only to kill, incapable of thriving outside of the battlefield but lacking a sense of purpose as mercenaries.

Mistral’s aimlessness and many aspects of her backstory are directly lifted from The Stranger by Albert Camus, which the game just straight-up tells you. What sets her apart from Raiden at that she’s finally found some sort of ideology to believe in, and is taunting him with that fact, as Raiden is clearly struggling with the veracity of his “I protect the weak” shtick. She’s also sexually taunting Raiden the whole time by being the hornily-designed cyborg lady to his hornily-designed cyborg dude. It’s a whole thing.

In short, Mistral is a mirror held up to Raiden. While she fails to impart any ideology directly onto him, since she’s just choosing to follow someone else’s, she makes it clear to him that his status quo is untenable and he will need to come up with a coherent ideology, or else he’s just going to get sliced to pieces by her new boss.

(Want a cheat sheet for Metal Gear Rising? Just look up the lyric sheet for the song that plays during any given boss fight. It almost always outlines that character’s whole deal. Most of my analysis comes from the dialogue itself, but it’s all right there in the music as well. Also, what a fucking soundtrack)

After a drawn-out fight with Mistral that destroys a whole oil refinery, Raiden gets a lead that the PMC he’s been tracking down has a secret laboratory in the sewers of Guadalajara, Mexico. We learn in this chapter that Raiden is really bad with both race and talking to kids, by means of some truly secondhand-embarrassing cutscenes. But the main plot revelation is that the PMC Desperado has been picking orphans off of the street, harvesting their organs, and hooking their brains up to militaristic VR training with the eventual goal of making them into cyborg child soldiers. The thing that strikes me playing Metal Gear Rising in 2022 is that this is just QAnon. Or pizzagate, or antifa super soldiers. It’s every surveillance and human trafficking conspiracy theory rolled into one, and while this kind of drivel obviously existed in 2013 when Revengeance came out, the writers were insightful to make it a central plot point. But Raiden doesn’t take the news quite like a Q conspiracy theorist. He undergoes what I call a Leftist Meltdown.

It's that moment you start connecting the dots on all the interconnected systems that make up modern capitalism and think way too hard about how much evil and suffering has to go into every single product in your life. Or when you realize that electoral politics will never truly act in your interest and that the whole system is designed to perpetuate the status quo and disempower and disenfranchise the very people who need the most support. Or when you start seriously considering buying a gun and mulling over if revolution is a worthwhile pursuit and how that would even manifest in the present day and if it’s actually possible or if it would make everything worse and whether or not assassination is a viable form of praxis, and ultimately, how far you personally would be willing to go for the cause.

It's this kind of cascade of despair that drives Raiden to (re)vengeance. More specifically, he learns that a standing U.S. senator is bankrolling this child brain-harvesting operation. Even if he leaked this story to the media, no outlet would dare cover it, because said senator has ties to one of the largest military contractors in the world. It would be financial and political suicide. Raiden can’t let this injustice slide, and he knows that even if he shuts down this lab in New Mexico, they’ll just set up another one somewhere else. Raiden advocates for a coordinated assault on their headquarters in Denver, Colorado. He’s chastised by his codec support, who remind him that “America has these things called laws.” He snaps back that Denver privatized their police force and gave out the contract to the very PMC that’s running this operation. It’s this understanding that justice cannot and will not be served that ultimately breaks Raiden. I have seen leftist twitter disputes play out exactly like this. He opts for direct action, travelling to Colorado to slice up the World Marshall Headquarters.

After ripping the guts out of a small army of cops (thank god for video games), what awaits Raiden is a good and proper lecture. Jetstream Sam appears via hologram and further pokes at Raiden’s justifications for all this killing. Can he really call it justified? Did all these soldiers have a real choice in showing up to oppose him, or are they the result a society that coerces its most vulnerable people into being cannon fodder? Raiden turns off his combat emotional suppressors and learns that surprise! – nobody he’s facing wants to die, and that in many cases they’re the very downtrodden people he claims to want to protect.

This revelation hits Raiden like a truck and leaves him highly unstable, which means it’s the perfect time for another insane cyborg to enter the fray and try to impart ideology onto him. This time it’s the meme-addled Monsoon, whose most iconic line I’m just going to have to paste in verbatim.

Monsoon’s goal is to force Raiden to admit that he’s getting off on violence. To accomplish this, he decisively dismisses the whole “protecting the weak” thing as an illusion that Raiden invented to protect himself. Raiden, without his usual defenses, accepts the notion that killing feels good, that he was meant to kill, and that masochism is hot. In a way, he’s kind of reverting to the roots of the Metal Gear cyborg ninja archetype, as these are Gray Fox’s ideals. Raiden turns off his cringepain inhibitors and rips Monsoon to shreds, who dies contented, as he succeeded in bringing out the beast in Raiden and shifting him further away from his original beliefs.

(It's worth noting that if Raiden makes it through the fight without taking any damage, Monsoon will beg for him to stop to instead of saying "Do as you please". I guess a perfect S-Rank Raiden would be less susceptible to memes, freaking Monsoon out a lot more)

One level later, Sundowner is our next cyborg, with batshit politics to match his shit-eating grin – the dude loves war! More specifically, he thinks that cruelty and fighting are just plain human nature, as evidenced by his one-liner that kids are cruel and he’s very in touch with his inner child. He’s a Hobbesian with zero cognitive dissonance, which makes him a very serious threat in this world. He’s that kid who makes up an invincible super shield when you’re playing pretend, except he’s an adult and actually made it real. The meme he ultimately passes on to Raiden is that you don’t even need a personalized excuse for killing if you say that violence is just human nature.

Anyways Raiden rescues the brains and cuts a goddamn plane in half. Sundowner reveals in his dying words that U.S. Senator Armstrong, the one who is orchestrating all of this, is attempting to reboot the War on Terror by assassinating the president and blaming it on Pakistan. It’s interesting to see the characters openly compare this to 9/11 and discuss the disastrous effects of the Afghanistan War. Metal Gear Solid games are very much inspired by real-world events such as this and the Gulf War and nuclear close calls, but they largely shy away from referencing the actual events. In comparison, Revengeance is incredibly candid about the present-day state of affairs, with the codec support team gleefully going on about the effects of the War on Terror and how military intervention further displaces people and creates future terrorists, Western Europe’s problems with immigration, the geopolitical situation in Eastern Europe, the legacy of colonialism, and the iron triangle’s connection to the military-industrial complex.

I don’t see a lot of discussion of these radio calls online, which is surprising because they’re informative and funny and even more on-the-nose than the average MGS codec.  I can only imagine that most people just skipped them because this is a such an action-oriented game, but I highly recommend calling everyone up next time you replay Metal Gear Rising. Kevin has quickly become one of my favorite codec buddies in the whole series.

But I digress. Raiden gets the hell out of Dodge so he can borrow a space shuttle to get to Pakistan on time. But before that, one more obstacle stands in his way, and that’s Jetstream Sam. Sam is this game’s Vamp, the flamboyant rival who does Raiden’s whole deal better than he himself can. He’s Raiden’s parallel in ideology, unlike Mistral who is his parallel in background.

Sam similarly chased after the concept of justice through combat, but this meme gradually became warped until he just started siding with whoever he believed to be the strongest. We see this corruption in his weapon as well, a katana named Murasama. This a deliberate misspelling of the legendary Muramasa swords, to show his drift. Despite everything, Sam still holds himself to bushido principles, which is something Raiden only ever did in passing. He doesn’t truly believe in Senator Armstrong’s ideology and kind of wants to be proven wrong. To this end, he blocks Raiden’s path and demands a duel as a test of strength. He fights openly, just for the sake of fighting. Like Mistral, he also sexually taunts Raiden by calling him a pretty boy, but I’ll leave the analysis on that one to you.

Even as he’s being fought, Jetstream Sam has certain moral clarity to him that the other villains don’t. No dirty tricks, just two cyborgs battling each other sword to sword on the side of a desert road. This purity extends into his death, where we learn that he barely had any cyborg modifications at all, and was mostly just a really impressive guy (In the Japanese release of the game, all of the enemies bleed white blood, a callback to Metal Gear Solid 4. Sam is the one character who spouts red.). He also doesn’t have a visor pop over his eyes before the fight, which everyone else, including Raiden, does up until now. Obviously, these visors are meant to be blinders, and Sam is the one character who doesn’t need them. If I keep writing this paragraph any longer I will just start scream-singing his song so we’re done.

At last, we reach Senator Armstrong, the final boss of politics. The big meme man himself, who said “Make America Great Again” in one of his cutscenes long before Trump ever did. First things first, throw the Trump comparison out of the window, because Armstrong is a fundamentally different type of guy. The other thing I want to assert early on is that Armstrong makes two completely separate ideological arguments. The first, delivered from within his giant Metal Gear death machine, is that manufacturing a terrorist attack and dragging the United States into a new war will jumpstart the economy. He peppers this argument with more right-wing nationalist jingo than you can swing a sword at. But even he knows that he’s bullshitting, and it’s not about taxes. You have to remember that this game was developed in the wake of the Tea Party movement, in which the Republican party got taken over by its populist libertarian flank ostensibly obsessed with small government and lowering taxes, who were in practice using these as levers to oppose ever compromising with Democrats.

Raiden destroys Metal Gear EXCELSUS, and in doing so calls bullshit on Armstrong’s professed ideology, in the same way that Jetstream Sam called bullshit on Raiden at the start of the game. Armstrong is forced to fess up: he wants all of this money and social capital so he can burn down the faceless military-industrial complex and create a society where might makes right on a personal level and everyone fights and kills for what they believe in, where only the fit survive. It’s an eclectic mix of fascism, anarchism, populism, and the chaos routes of Shin Megami Tensei games. Perhaps the better comparison would be master morality in Nietzsche’s paradigm, positioning Raiden as a slave moralist.

Senator Armstrong’s world is the one of the ubermensch, the right-libertarianism to Raiden’s left-libertarianism. It’s batshit crazy, but he has the money and power and physical strength to back it up on a personal level. What memes does Raiden even have at this point, that he could use to fight back? Let’s recap:

“My sword is a tool of justice to protect the weak” was his base ideology, but he hardly even believes it himself anymore

“Killing feels good” from Monsoon

“Violence is only natural” from Sundowner

“The strong can only truly be disproven through combat” from Jetstream Sam

With these in particular bouncing around in his head, it’s no wonder why Raiden throws aside his own sword, dons Sam’s for the final fight, and uses it to impale a standing U.S. senator.

Armstrong is killed and the day is saved, but you have to remember that Raiden is a vessel for ideology. Much like Monsoon, Armstrong recognizes that putting Raiden through the wringer is all it takes to pass on his values. He seems almost gleeful as he dies, claiming that he is “leaving a worthy successor” in Raiden, as he has demonstrated his ability to oppose society and kill endlessly to fight for what he believes in, making him a prime example of Armstrong’s ideal world. Raiden crushes Armstrong’s heart and absorbs all the electrolytes, which seals this transfer of ideals. We see him one last time in a post-credits scene, where we get confirmation that Raiden is a lone wolf now, but not what he’s fighting for now. That’s up to the reader to decide, because we sure as hell aren’t getting a sequel to this game.

So that’s Metal Gear Rising. It’s a story of a gay little cyborg sovereign citizen who gives up on institutionalism after a series of grave injustices, and in doing so, opens himself up to the kind of people who will shift his politics from the left-wing fringes to the right. I’m not saying that horseshoe theory is real, but there is at least a one-way gradient for this kind of thing.

At least, this is my interpretation. You could also approach the game from a more series-focused perspective and argue that Armstrong is the latest in a line of idiots misinterpreting The Boss’s will. Sunny, Snake and Otacon’s adopted daughter, shows up in the final stretch of Revengeance, and you could point to her aerospace company as an example of how science will always be co-opted for war, and how she’ll be the fourth Emmerich to fall into this trap.

On the philosophy side, you could parse Metal Gear Rising as a series of dialectics, or actually read The Selfish Gene and go all-in on the memetic analysis. Or talk about how Raiden is literally thrown a trolley problem at the end of Chapter 2, or actually read The Stranger and go full absurdist on this game. The point is, you’ve got options.

But these are your essays to write, not mine. I’m looking forward to them, though! Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance is quite the deep game for what it is. There’s a reason it’s stuck around in our collective memory for so long compared to other games of its era, and it’s not just because of the one-liners. Zandatsu literally translates to “cut and take”, and I think there’s a lot to take out of this game with every angle of dissection.  

[just-here-for-the-art-shit]

Oh no my hand slipp-

_________

The Adventures - Not - of Y/N

On some significant date in history, two people who probably were supernatural or something copulated and 9 or 10 or 8 months later I was born - guess what I'm an orphan. Imagine that. I grew up NORMALLY and NOTHING WEIRD ever HAPPENED. See the trick here is to deny everything the universe throws at you, give the middle finger to destiny. Yada yada.

My name .... Is Your S. Name. The S stands for Slash. And you can probably guess exactly what I look like. Female, pale skin, long wavy blonde hair, small hands, I'm 4'6" with blue eyes - you get it. Look, the fact that my parents named me, "Your Name" should've been the first red flag - but then again I was a baby. Object permanence hadn't even been established yet. Also when I was a baby someone or something probably stole me or I was sold into slavery under some rich guy with a young son - no, none of that happened. Once again - if you're in my position - deny reality.

I go to a NORMAL high school with ... Weirdos - oh here they come now -

“OK - none of you approach me, look at me, think about me, I’m not dating you, we’re not having a love triangle, I know one of you is a vampire or a werewolf or some kind of shit - I don’t care that you’re a billionaires son - not marrying a prince OR A PRINCESS - Villain, I’m not having an enemies to lovers story with you, everyone save the tragic backstories. Ok? Thank you - now move your ass to class, this isn’t storybook highschool, this is real highschool. We’re highschoolers. We should not be superhero teens or having intercourse in your dad’s Impala or some bullshit. We got boring shit to do LET’S GO MOVE IT - FIVE MINUTES TO CROSS THE SCHOOL COME ON!”

This happens everyday multiple times a day. Consequences of being named Your Name. I have two best friends though, to share in my suffering - Main Character and Love Interest. See it's really funny when Love Interest and I met because he said, "I'm supposed to date you but I'm gay sorry," and I knew from that day we'd be besties in this hell hole. And Main Character? He suffers more than me - for instance, yesterday:

“Shit - guys, it’s happening-”

“What’s wrong Main- holy shit-”

“Yeah - it happened last night, my hair turned all white and my eyes turned black and yellow like a cat or something-”

“I can see that.”

“What do I do?”

“Ok listen to me - follow the protocol. Do. Nothing. Don’t walk alone in alleyways or some monster or bad guy is going to jump out at you and try to fight you or some shit. Don’t go with ANYONE who says they’re from an organization, foundation, secret society, cult, past or future - don’t join any clubs, do NOT do any sports, keep your grades average, and if a really sexy shy girl bumps into you and spills all of her books, keep walking.”

“But that sounds kinda rude-”

“Exactly. A main character would be nice and apologetic and help her pick up the books as she shyly brushes her hair behind her ear - DO NOT do that. Be an asshole - but not so much of an asshole that you become an anti-hero or some shit. Just - do the opposite of what you think you should do - ok? It’s like me and Love - friendzone forever.”

“Yeah dude - just make it through highschool, and hopefully things will get better when we’re full adults - most main characters start as kids or teenagers - we can get through this.”

“But - I’m tired of living this boring life! I want to be someone - do something!”

“YOU’RE DOING IT RIGHT NOW MAIN!”

“Oh God you’re right! OK breathe, breathe - I don’t. Want to do. Anything. I'm a normal kid. Phew.”

“Gucci.”

The biggest question you may have is, "how long can you guys keep this up," and that answer is, "Yes."

______________________________________

[mockerycrow]

Hi there, can I request a "who do you ship me with" for the COD boys.

Personality-wise, I consider myself abit of a loner. Not really interested in making friends but is willing to work with people if necessary. I do not really go out that much unless I have family or friends invite me to something. That mainly comes from my not so trusting nature and tendency to keep people at a distance. Though, when I am close with someone, I will be their ride-or-die. Need a ride home? Get in my car. Need moral support? I'll be the best hype man ever seen.

I've never been the most empathetic person, but I do genuinely care for those I hold dear though I have a hard time showing it. I operate mostly on logic but will always consider emotions as a factor. That might be mainly because I'm autistic.

I have some special interests. (biology, history, literature, etc...) I also like listening to music (i adore rock music but i like all genres), drawing, painting my nails, playing video games, and buying new piercings.

I'm more of a follower than a leader but I'm willing to step up when necessary. That's because I tend to be quite spontaneous and not plan things through. (Basically I fuck around and find out).

My temper greatly depends on how I'm feeling. But at most days I'm as cool as a cucumber. Like people however, I have my off days. In these kinds of days, I get irritated easily but try to push it down which just makes me hella passive-aggressive and cold. I am self-aware enough to sense this and I'll apologize to whoever got offended when I calm down.

I'm 4'11, semi-tan skin (I'm from the Philippines where that's considered to be hella pale) and have some muscle in my body even though I rarely work out. I have pitch black hair in an undercut and dark brown eyes. I have alot of piercings and a few tattoos. My wardrobe is a hot pot of different things but it can be summarized to "gay vampire that's a biker gang leader"

Sorry if it's too long, I ramble alot. Have a nice day!

I ship you with…

Captain John Price!

These are temporarily closed. I am answering the ones I had in my inbox from when I opened them last time. Please do not request one right now. Thank you.

I think you two would get along pretty well. Price values your logic over emotion very much, it’s useful if one of you two begin to have an issue in the relationship.

Price would constantly invite you where ever he goes, although he makes it clear you have a choice to stay home.

He’s very aware that you’re not much a people person.

Price, in my mind, due to his military service, is also a ride-or-die type of person.

The military tears you away from your individuality and makes you think in a team sense instead of a individual sense, so of course he would.

In turn, you would do anything for each other.

Price would love to hear you talk about your special interests!

He appreciates that you can see when you were in the wrong with your tone, and he does the same. He has a bit of a temper too!

[eastgaysian]

it's a dak-wai post it got long. freeing it from the limbo of late night drafts

dak-wai's interest in remembering who they were diminishes pretty quickly after killing alfira, to a purely functional level of 'i need to understand what the hell is going on but there's definitely some things i Don't want to know.' after incidents such as 'i tried to remember how this cat knew me and when i came to the cat was dead' followed by Ah shit bhaal's my dad, by the time they're in baldur's gate they just don't want to know fucking anything anymore. and become a little fixated on killing orin and gortash as a way of also killing whoever they used to be, by getting rid of the last people who remember that person. guy who came back wrong but was already wrong in the first place.

i do think they're still pretty recognizable in behavior for people who knew them in the past. apart from the 'i'm not murdering in cold blood i'm doling out justice and enacting vengeance' thing. their interest in women who could/would kill them is the same lol

they've also always had an almost comical level of discomfort in social situations, which are easier to avoid when you're the head of a murder cult and less so when you're a wandering adventurer. they go into most conversations with the intent of getting out of them as soon as possible, speak softly in a very concise way, which combined with their general vibe ends up coming off intimidating (not always intentional). their first instinct is to view people, particularly themself, through the lens of usefulness. so they actually feel more comfortable around people who want something from them (preferably something violent which they view as the only thing they really can do). it takes a minute for them to get genuinely interested in getting to know/befriending other people and attempts to befriend them usually get met with one-word answers and uninterested looks.

they're fixated on self-control, ruthlessly efficient and methodical in accomplishing tasks, but work best when someone else tells them what to do. just with pre-game dak-wai this was usually applied to like, Dad says i gotta do vivisections and murder art while current dak-wai would eventually start gardening as a hobby to supplement their interest in alchemy, buy 20 books about soil acidity and planting seasons, and have a blood feud with weeds and garden pests. < still not totally sure what their canon ending is going to be actually.

so really, though i don't think this is something dak-wai would ever be comfortable thinking about and acknowledging themself, the Fundamental difference between them now and in the past is. getting overcome by The Urge and killing their foster parents -> having literally nothing and no one other than bhaal, orin, and associates who they are resigned to-resent-revere. the only thing they know is doing what their father wants, the only time they ever feel good/they allow themselves to feel good is when they're doing what their father wants, there was never any other option. it's what they were made for. vs getting a do-over in a different place and with different people where it becomes possible to establish their own identity and believe that they can choose who they are, have a value outside of immediate usefulness, and literally just Do other things than kill people. even if they're bad at those other things it's worth trying

also getting a wife (who is also learning how to find beauty in things and accept tenderness). and becoming worsties with gay ass vampire and forming kind of a tacit pact where either they both make each other worse or believe they can both be better

[neverswungonswingingstars]

I can't believe she improvised that line, that's amazing. It was actually that line that made me think she was kind of saying "I'm here for you no matter what our relationship is." But if someone thought she was saying, "I don't care if you're attracted to men, we can still be together" I would understand that too, I just don't think it's that simple. He opened up to her which was something she wanted since they got together but I think she's still hurt by what happened and what she wasn't aware of. I just don't get the vibe she's the type of gal to be like, it's all good now that you've admitted it. I never got the impression he was as into her as she was into him. I think he had a career boner for her more than anything else and wanted to save her when he saw her in need. She took that as romantic interest which I'm not convinced it was. I think if he does have genuine romantic feelings for her then he grew into them over the season. I'm more convinced that he loves her in a non-romantic way but in a very deep way nonetheless. I kind of love the idea of them building this best friendship that maybe gets messy with other feelings occassionally. The only time I was convinced Dale was sexually interested in her was halfway through the season or so when someone good happens (damn I can't remember exactly what) and they celebrate by tearing at each other's clothes. But once again, all their romantic and/or sexual encounters seem to be affected by a third party (usually Tim) or outside circumstances (celebrating a triumph).

I read that it was important to the showrunner that Dale's sexuality was ambiguous. He's not completely gay, maybe he's bisexual, maybe he's pansexual. Maybe he's just been attracted to two men in his life and that's it. He doesn't seem to be motivated by sex so maybe he's a bit demisexual. And this is an interesting choice but it doesn't change that he wants to jump Tim and their chemistry is electric. Am I wrong in thinking that it's not the same with Helen? I'll rewatch to make sure but I think I love Dale and Helen's relationship in a totally different way.

The other argument for this is do Sam and Chai just have better chemistry than Sam and Anna? Maybe? But all these actors are SO GOOD at what they do that I know Sam and Anna would have brought the chemistry if it was supposed to be there for Dale and Helen. Sam has great chemistry with so many people, he's mastered the longing heart eyes.

And if it's true that Dale just isn't as into Helen as he's into Tim then our girl deserves a better love interest. Which I'm so here for! Dale could have some weird jealousy despite not wanting to be with her and be worried for her fragile heart in the process. We could have this new guy be the one straight (maybe?) male on the show who isn't a homophobe.

Now I'm just thinking about Tim watching Dale with Helen at the desk in the finale and tearing up...you're telling me there isn't something intense between them?!? 😫😫

Also, Sam's real life girlfriend is gonna be in season 2 so that's kinda fun. But I hope they're not doing some more straight washing. And Daniel Gillies from The Vampire Diaries and The Originals who's an *incredible* actor and so freaking hot so now that I've gone off about Helen's new love interest it absolutely needs to be him.

I saw that she was going to be in it! I wonder who she'll be playing!! And I also saw that Daniel gillies was going to be in it and I can't wait for that either, I'm a big fan of his! You're so right, he would be a great love interest for Helen!

I totally agree with what you said and the chemistry between Helen and dale! They were really sweet at times but there really wasn't that same fire-y chemistry as between dale and Tim! They were always finding excuses to give each other little touches and stuff! That moment between dale and Tim in the bar after the explosions was just something else as well, dale was definitely about to jump Tim if Tim hadn't kissed him first haha! Whereas you never really had anything like that between dale and Helen. At least not to me!

I absolutely love the way you put that, a career boner for her 😂 and I agree as well, it would seem that more than anything else! As you said, at least at first and you can tell he does genuinely really care for her but yeah I also got the sense she's into him more than he's into her that way!

I also didn't really know where Helens head was at when she said to Dale she loved him no matter what, I just kind of took it as that she'll be there for him and she's going to support him no matter what eventually kind of comes out of it. Whether it is working on it to still be together or whether it's more as friends! But she most definitely deserves someone who thinks the world of her, not like half those assholes in their office!!

And that bit about tim looking at dale at the end, I honestly could go on about it forever haha. He always has the heart eyes when looking at dale tbf haha but that last look as dales finally on the desk is just something else, that boy is absolutely head over heels for him! I just hope dale can sort of take proper stock of how he's feeling and be able to give it back to him!

Yeah I think if dale and Helen were meant to have the same sort of chemistry as dale and Tim then they would have, because as you said they are all amazing actors!

I will have to see where I saw that line about anna torv improvising it incase I'm speaking out my arse but I think it was on one of the newsreader instagran accounts that they said because they hadn't been sure how to leave it between them and had been throwing round a few different bits!

I hadn't read that about the showrunner and leaving dales sexuality to be ambiguous! That's good, I kind of like when they don't completely define things like that, because it isn't always very straight forward and people can be all over the place with their sexuality (like me for example haha, completely over the place 😂)

OK, I think I covered everything there. Not in any sensible order mind so good luck with reading that 😂

[therecordconnection]

Ranting and Raving: “Unholy” by Sam Smith and Kim Petras

I'm always about fifteen years late when it comes to things that are trending so I'm only just now hearing the new Sam Smith and Kim Petras collaboration, "Unholy". I'm not on TikTok because I’m a curmudgeon so I have to find out about new music and music trends like an old person. Sue me. 

Anyway, I've been finding "Unholy" infuriatingly fascinating. It's one of those songs where the things that are great about it are great and the things that are bad about it drag it down. Let's cover the great things first. 1) We now have a major hit song that features both a nonbinary performer (Smith) and a transgender woman (Petras). Regardless of the criticisms I have about this song, that's a big deal and I'm happy to see that kind of representation in a year that has been pretty damn boring for the pop charts. 2) That hook is great. The gospel choir that accompanies it is infectious and makes for an earworm that will stick in your head for a bit. It fits in well with Sam's "Theatre Kid" energy. 3) Pretty sure the bassline is just "Sober" by Tool, but that's a plus because while it's simple, it hits. My only wish is that the production made it sound dirtier. 4) I love Sam on this song. They've always bored me as a performer, but over the last couple years they've been turning that around by getting more adventurous with their music. Sam sells this song to the best of their ability and it sounds great. 5) I got to hear Sam Smith sing the lines "While she's droppin' it / She be poppin' it" and while it does sound comical coming from them, it made me laugh in a good way so it gets a point for that. 

Alright, we've covered the things I enjoy about this. So why do I find this song to be "infuriatingly fascinating"? Easy. To quote the late Norm MacDonald's review of Interview With the Vampire: "Not gay enough." I'm aware that's a strong accusation due to who the two performers are, but here's how I know it's not gay enough. I've heard So. Many. Shitty. Heavy. Metal. Covers. Of. This. Song. If this song was truly as gay and unholy as it advertises, metalheads wouldn't even touch this with a ten foot pole, as that community still contains some of the most homophobic scum still walking the Earth. The only reason I was able to find so many of them is because doing metalcore versions of lame pop songs is what gets the views these days, kids. Most metalheads would take one look at Sam Smith, use the wrong pronouns, and then call them a word that rhymes with “maggot.”

But even beyond that, I keep asking myself this question: "What's so unholy about infidelity?" At this point, the idea of a devout religious person having a passionate affair/cheating on their spouse is about as old as the Holy Bible itself. It's not so scandalous in a world where, not even forty years ago, televangelists like Jim Bakker or Jimmy Swaggart were in hot water when people found out they were cheating on their wives. Hell, Swaggart even admitted it on television back in 1988. I've heard this song before... It's called "Miracle Man" by Ozzy Osbourne. Ozzy tore into that hypocrisy with style and made an unholy man look like a clown. I have no questions about what that song wants to say or do. This one I only have questions. So, I ask again, what's so unholy about infidelity? If you're gonna make something that truly lives up to the song title "Unholy", I better be hearing about the most fucked up thing imaginable. I may not be on TikTok, but I've seen enough videos from that app where people admit to wild, fucked up, and pathetic things that you would have to waterboard in order to get out of me.

Another issue I have with the song is in the way it doesn't play to the strengths of its performers. Who the hell is Sam supposed to be playing in this song? Are they a priest? Are they a neighbor? Are they an omniscient third person narrator? Who? I keep thinking that the song would be a million times better if it was framed around Sam playing the role of a priest. Imagine this: Sam is in the confessional. They're hearing people confess their sins and all that, but then, this guy walks in and reveals this news: He's cheating on his wife... with a trans woman. Now, imagine that while Sam is hearing this wild confession, their first idea is to start jacking off to it. You want to talk about unholy? There's your double whammy right there. I think the idea of the man in the song having an affair with a trans woman is a really important detail, considering that not only does this song desperately need something to make it more noteworthy lyrically, it has arguably the most famous trans woman in pop at the moment being completely wasted on this song. You want to really get Christian wine moms clutching their pearls? Tell them Nancy’s husband was out all night with a trans woman. Now that’s quite a story for the neighborhood.

This is to segue into how I think Kim Petras' verse on this song is the weakest part about the entire thing. Her performance is great, but she's utterly wasted on a verse that really any woman in pop could've done. Lizzo, Cardi B., Ariana, Dua Lipa, Halsey, your indie friend with a single on Spotify that has just over ten-thousand listens, etc. You would think she would be going off and telling me all about the wild sex-capades that are going on in the body shop, but nope! It's a just a verse about a guy who gives her decent sex and spends a lot of money on her. BORING. Like I said, any woman in pop right now could do this verse and you'd lose nothing. That's why it's the weakest part of this song to me. Kim Petras has something that none of the other names I mentioned have... being transgender. That makes for a really great detail in a song that could really explore a fascinating question: How would religious circles deal with someone having an affair with a member of a group of people they despise and fear? You see it happen with men cheating on their wives with other men, but how would God-fearing, Christian women react if they heard someone in their neighborhood was going across the tracks and fooling around with a trans woman in a fucking auto body shop of all places? It makes for a great premise that the song never truly bothers to explore.

Plus, it's Kim Petras for God's sake. Regardless of what you think of her due to her problematic working relationship with scumbag serial abuser/producer Dr. Luke, this song wastes her strengths. It especially sucks because if any woman could make this song live up to the name "Unholy", it would be her. We're talking about the woman who just last year made an album called Slut Pop! The woman who made a whole dance song just about her tits on "Coconuts", the woman who made "Throat Goat," "Treat Me Like a Slut," and "They Wanna Fuck"! The woman is known for nasty, highly sexual music and if you need someone to get absolutely filthy and unholy on a track for you, she’s a damn good choice. But what does she get here? Boring lyrics about designer clothes and shopping on Rodeo? Boo! I don't need an Incognito tab to listen to this song. I've heard this song on the radio unchanged. Sam already did the cutesy "censor out the bad word with a sound effect" trick for me. Come on! Unholy... There are church kids probably listening to this song right now. There are probably wine moms doing TikTok dance videos to this right now. There’s probably a whole plethora of Halloween playlists that have this song in it. Sam Smith is still probably the only gay person you could safely bring home to your grandma who truly means well but is just a little backwards. Unholy, my ass.

Look, if you want overt gayness that will really look unholy to people, look at the Lil Nas X videos for "Montero (Call Me By Your Name)" and "Industry Baby." You can find those on my new CD compilation, Now That's What I Call Gay, hitting store shelves soon.

This song's biggest sin (HA!) is that it pulls its punches when it could've been so much more. "Unholy" is a song that, while I do enjoy listening to it, is a song that is playing it way too safe and doesn't live up to its full potential in my eyes. Even though I've complained about what I don't think works here, don't let that diminish what this song's success means culturally and what it could mean going forward. If this song breaks the barrier and allows for more non-binary and trans representation in the mainstream, then this song should be celebrated on that alone. It's the first hit song I can think of that features both a non-binary singer and a trans woman. Like all experiments, sometimes the first result isn't the greatest, but it gets you excited for what the next results *could* be if we keep at it.

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

Goodbye

It's been four months since he said goodbye. He didn't bother to say this time was for good, because Armand wouldn't have believed him. He never does. Armand had asked, so innocently—too innocently to be anything but insincere—when he would be back.

Daniel had laughed and laughed, near hysterics. It had frightened Armand, to see him so near madness. Humans who knew the truth of them often went mad, Armand had warned him once. But like most things he said about vampires, Daniel took no heed. He was too young to feel anything but immortal, and to come suddenly to terms with his mortality in the face of these creatures immortality—it was a foreign sort of existential crisis.

To flirt with the danger of Armand, of knowing Armand could destroy him with a thought...it was heady and intoxicating. To know he held sway over such a creature! That he alone amongst mortals could render this powerful being to his knees.

Oh, how he had loved him!

How he loves him still, despite his best efforts not to. But that matters very little. Armand will never find him, because he hasn't stopped moving. He doesn't plan ahead. He just packs a bag and buys whatever plane ticket he can afford. Finds a hotel and stays there a week or two. Rinse and repeat.

But he does sometimes wish Armand would find him. That it'd be like those early days where he was around every corner. When Daniel realizes he misses being stalked, he wonders what's wrong with him in the head. It isn't normal to want like this, to crave another person to the point it hurts.

Losing the blood is a greater blow than he imagined. It isn't the reason he loves Armand, but it's as addictive as he is. He craves it worse than any fix he's ever chased. Better than coke or ecstasy. Nothing can replicate the high, but he Daniel finds himself trying. Trying and failing with every drug he can get his hands on. Heroin is the closest, but it's only a pale imitation.

He can't afford the plane tickets anymore, so he goes to trains. Less distance covered, but easier on the wallet. Besides, it's been awhile. If Armand were going to find him, he would have. He doesn't need to chase Daniel down when he knows Daniel will come back.

But this time, he'll prove him wrong. Prove he doesn't need him. How do you like that, you bastard.

He forgets sometimes that Armand can read his thoughts. Other times he's so hyper aware that he tries to clear his mind of everything just as precaution. Still other times, he thinks to Armand like he used to pray to a higher power, nothing but faith to guarantee he heard. Desperate things he said, the yearning desire he had expressed, the profound void in his life without Armand.

Embarrassing. And born from weakness. Armand never replied; Daniel is certain it's to allow him to save face. A small act of kindness, from the cruelest creature he knows.

He's babbling something to the person next to him at the bar. He's quite attractive; short and lithe and dark, with glossy black hair and brown eyes. Daniel's self aware enough to realize the resemblance, understand it serves as reason for the attraction. But he hardly cares. He takes the man up to his room and fucks him. Calls him the wrong name when he comes.

It isn't until the man awkwardly slinks out the door that he notices the figure in the dark corner of his bedroom. Tall, dark and handsome with intense red eyes. His Armand. His everything.

“Still like to watch?” he slurs. He's a bit drunk. He stays a bit drunk these days. It's half the reason he goes to gay bars—gay men are far more likely to buy him a drink than straight women. The other half he doesn't like to think about.

“It wasn't your best performance.”

Daniel holds out his arms. “Come here.”

Armand doesn't. Daniel goes to him and embraces him. Armand stiffens in his grasp, back rigid. “You smell like him.”

Daniel shakes his head. “I'll shower. Come here, kiss me, it's been months.”

Armand lets out a weary sigh, and Daniel can see traces of true anger in his eyes. Armand is so rarely truly angry. Irritated, yes and annoyed, but not angry. Even when they fight, Armand likes to remain calm. It only serves to exasperate Daniel and drag things on.

He obliges Daniel and takes his face in his hands, tilts his head just where he wants it and kisses him. It starts slow and chaste, but gradually deepens and dirties. Daniel moans into it and buries his fingers in Armand's silk shirt, clinging without abandon. Armand buries a hand in his curls and devours his mouth, kissing him until his knees shake and he feels wobbly.

He forgets he's mad at Armand, that he left him permanently. He gasps against his mouth and spills out “I missed you.”

Armand pets his hair and kisses his cheek. “Will you come home, beloved?”

Beloved. Something warm nestles in his chest and spreads to his stomach at the word. He nods his head. “Home, yes, home with you.”

He looks up into Armand's preternatural eyes and pleads “Bite me, here, take my neck.”

“No, I think the femoral artery,” Armand says, crisp and near clinical. He didn't like to show how much he wanted it—Daniel knew that, because Armand had once confessed as much. It had been to assure him how he wanted and loved him, only him, and how of course Daniel had just as much sway over him as he did Daniel. Not that Daniel had believed that last part for a second.

Armand undresses him painstakingly slow, stopping to kiss or stroke whichever part caught his fancy. Fifteen minutes later, Daniel is naked on the bed, writhing in anticipation as Armand mouths up his thigh. His teeth sink in deep, up close to Daniel's groin.

Daniel shakes and groans until the world becomes a dizzy blur. Only then does Armand pull back, his eyes dilated impossibly wide. “What have you taken? How much did you take? I feel-”

Daniel laughs and pulls him down into a kiss. Armand allows it for a moment, kissing him back sweetly. Then he pulls away. “Daniel-”

“I'm fine. I feel great,” Daniel says. He tugs Armand down to lie next to him. It takes three tugs before Armand allows himself to be moved, seemingly distracted by the lava lamp on the dresser. He sinks down unto the bed next to Daniel and pulls him to his chest. “Can I have it?” Daniel asks, face smashed against his cold skin.

Armand fishes around Daniel's backpack by the foot of the bed and finds a pocketknife. He returns to Daniel and arranges him so he straddles his lap. He cuts a thin line across his throat and presents it to Daniel, who latches on hungrily. Armand finds the discarded bottle of lube on the bed and slicks his fingers, breaching Daniel while he drinks. Daniel only sucks at his neck harder, moaning against his skin.

Armand doesn't know what Daniel has taken, but it's making everything so lovely. The colors seem so vivid, so bright. Daniel knows this, because Armand babbles it to him. He giggles and gasps as clever fingers work him. He does love Armand's hands. Adores his long fingers. Loves them inside him, around him, wrapped around his throat. Rambles back to Armand how he's missed this so much, missed him so much. Murmurs it between long draws of his fiery blood.

“Then why run away? Stop running, Daniel. Be mine.”

“Yours, yours,” Daniel pants against his neck, “always yours.”

“Good boy,” Armand purrs and kisses him so lovingly. Then, as if to reward his good behavior, grabs his wrist and brings it to his mouth and bites down. It's overwhelming; Armand is inside him, cock and teeth, spit and blood. He comes and comes and comes, frantically declaring his love for Armand.

Clarity hits him after and he stumbles out of bed to the window, opens it and takes great, heaving breaths. His. He said he was Armand's. Said that he loved him. All true, but not what he wants.

He's still high, but Armand, with vampire metabolism, has lost his. He beckons Daniel back to bed, but Daniel doesn't look his way. “You'll never let me go, will you? It'll always be like this.”

“You could come home.”

Daniel laughs shakily. “And be your slave? Hard pass.”

Armand moves to him with unnatural speed and wraps arms around his waist. “Not my slave, never that.”

“Your pet, then.” Daniel shrugs Armand off him. Turns and looks at Armand, beautiful and perfect and everything he wants to have, to be. Everything he loves. Everything he hates.

He has a thought, so cruel it shouldn't be spoken aloud. He says it anyway, “I wish I had never met you.”

Armand's eyes sweep over his face, study him intensely. “Is this truly what you want?”

No.

Yes.

Maybe?

He doesn't know. He nods, swipes a forming tear. “It's never enough, you know? Nothing compares to you. You're the best high I ever had.”

It isn't exactly what he means, it isn't just the blood, it's everything. But he doesn't have to put this into words. Armand understands, he knows. Can see it in his thoughts that he endlessly dips into.

“Very well. As you wish.”

Then Armand is looking into his eyes and murmuring something and he feels...foggy? He can't remember why he's here or how he got here. He's so tired. He needs to rest.

“Yes, sleep, Daniel. In the morning, everything will make sense.” The beautiful stranger—wait, not a stranger, but who—guides him to his pillow and pulls the sheets around him. “Goodbye, Daniel.”

When he wakes in the morning, he has no memory of Armand at all.

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read it here on ao3

[pridepages]

Love on the Mind: The Rest of Us Just Live Here

I just finished The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers!

Passion is often describes as a physical experience: heart racing, butterflies fluttering, flushing...a phenomenon based in the body. In fact, we are subtly taught time after time through traditional stories to believe that any other kind of way to experience love must be inherently less powerful or meaningful. But in The Rest of Us Just Live Here, Patrick Ness challenges our ideas of what passion--and heroism--should look like.

The world of Rest of Us is a playful jab at the tropes of YA fantasy. Narrator Mikey Mitchell introduces us to the idea that he lives in a world where the supernatural exists. It is expected that every few years there will be some kind of crisis: soul-eating ghosts, romantic vampires, etc. And every time the world is imperiled, it will be up to a select group of kids--dubbed the “indie kids”--to be the group from which that cycle’s Chosen Ones will emerge to save the day. As it happens, it’s about to happen again. A group of entities called The Immortals are trying to invade our world and indie kid Satchel and her friends must stop them! Murder, romance, mystery, and adventure ensue.

But this isn’t their story.

This is the story of the other kids. The ones who aren’t expected to do anything but live on the margins. Mikey, his sisters Mel and Meredith, along with their friends Henna and Jared have their own dramas. Mikey and Mel suffer from intense bouts of mental illness (OCD and an ED respectively). Meredith is a precocious child who is overlooked by their workaholic mom and alcoholic dad. Henna, Jared, Mikey, and Mel face their impending graduation and all the changes life is bringing them.

We meet the group in the middle of a debate: Do we have a choice in our attractions?

“You always have a choice,” insists Mel, “I don’t care if you think it’s love...you can still choose to act right.” Meanwhile, Henna maintains “Your heart fills up. Actually, no...it’s in your stomach. You feel and everything just goes.” Which Jared agrees with: “Your dick or whatever, that’s just wanting. Animal stuff. This is more...You feel it right here, and it’s like, for that moment, everything you believed is wrong. Or doesn’t matter.”

So who is right? It’s too reductive to say that one way of experiencing love is realer or truer than another. But Patrick Ness makes an excellent case for the idea that love that is born of our mind is just as significant as the kind of love that’s born in our ‘stomach.’

Mikey’s relationships with Henna and Jared are both creations of his mind. For instance, Mikey reflects on his relationship with Jared:

“It’s occurred to me more than once to ask myself if I was gay, too, deep down. My best friend is, after all, and we’ve fooled around. I wasn’t exactly lying back with my eyes closed either. It was fun. I feel so safe around Jared, it seems only natural that we’d help each other let off some steam once in a while...he was afraid I thought that way about him and didn’t want me to get hurt. Which I didn’t and won’t. So, okay, it’s all a little complicated but I’d have been crazy not to at least ask myself the question.”

For some people, the fact that Mikey is capable of any kind of attraction to Jared makes him queer. I’d welcome someone like Mikey under our rainbow umbrella. But Mikey never makes it clear whether he identifies as queer. In contrast, he explains he experiences more consistent attraction to women, and particularly his crush on Henna:

“But I dream about girls. In that way. And when I, you know, have the occasional...intimate conversation with myself, girls again. It’s what I look at online, and it’s who I’ve dated in the past...Henna. I’ve imagined us for years...and when I do, she and I are always in it together, like we’re on the same team and it’s us against everybody else and there’s nowhere else either of us would rather be. I imagine her as my friend. And if I don’t understand what she means about the desire in her stomach, well, so what? People are different. I love her. I do. Don’t I?”

For the Hennas and the Jareds of the world, attraction is a simple thing that they can feel in their gut. For people like Mikey that have intense inner lives and are driven by their heads, attraction can be more complicated.

The thing about attraction--and the labels we use to explain them--is that they belong to the holder. We have long ago, and rightly, moved away from the idea that queerness is a mental illness. Our labels aren’t diagnoses. They are descriptors that help us explain our identities to the world.

And some kinds of love transcend even our labels. For Mikey and Jared, theirs is an undeniable love that exists in a sublime place beyond simple romantic or sexual attraction. “He’s gay, but it’s different,” Mikey explains, “It’s like he’s my family, except better, because I’ve chosen him.” Chosen family is a form of love that is critical for queer people. And the best part is, like every other relationship queer people have, there are no roadmaps or models. That can be scary but also freeing, because we get to make the rules:

“I know most people would think it weird that two guy friends touch as much as we do, but when you choose your family, you get to choose how it is between you, too. This is how we work. I hope you get to choose your family and I hope it means as much to you as mine does to me.”

And it’s not just one-sided. Jared knows that Mikey suffers from mental illness, from anxiety that whispers cruel things and makes Mikey believe he is unworthy and unloveable. So Jared doesn’t shy away from giving Mikey the affirmation he desperately needs:

“I know how much you worry about shit. And what’s also important is that I know a big part of that worry is that, no matter what group of friends you’re in, no matter how long you’ve known them, you always assume you’re the least-wanted person there. The one everyone could do without. Even when it’s just you and me. I know how you worry that you need me as a friend more than I need you...I wouldn’t have made it without you.”

Love isn’t always the rush of joy and the warmth of security. Sometimes love is being each other’s safe space. Sometimes it’s giving each other grace to feel a little weak. Sometimes it’s giving of ourselves and our vulnerable bits so that other people feel safe to share theirs. “We share our craziness, our neuroses, our little bit of screwed-up-ness that comes from our family. We share it. And it feels like love.”

Most importantly of all: love doesn’t just have to strike you in your heart, or your stomach, or any other physical feeling in order to be real. “Here’s the thing...I can’t tell you what’s real for you. But in return, you can’t say what’s real for me either. I get to choose. Not you.” 

Love is faith. Love is hope. Love is trust. Love is a choice. Which means we’ve all got love on our minds.