#and we're being challenged. because hes awful. and yet hes so pitiful

[simp-for-enrico-maxwell]

Rambling about my Hellsing ship

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So, this is just some sort an explanation why I ship Vanity (my OC/self-insert) with Enrico Maxwell, and how their relationship can even work. I really wanted to write something like this for a while, yet I have been putting it aside till now. But hey, at least I finally did it, right?

Anyways! If you are interested in Vanity or if you want to know more about the lore around her - feel free to ask me! Because there is A LOT stuff, and I feel like it can be pretty confusing sometimes.

Also, this post is kinda based on my headcanons of Enrico and how I see him, and portrait him, okay? So please keep that in mind.

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How did they even get closer to each other?

Well, this will be a little bit harder to explain since it all started with my Hellsing parody I have been publishing on Wattpad in Czech. (One day I would really like to come up with translation, but that will be a real challenge. Especially because many puns are based on the language so the punch lines wouldn't be funny anymore.)

Long story short: The parody (which's humour is - unintentionally - kinda similar to Abridged version of Hellsing) revolves around "Exchange project" (during the year 1997) between Hellsing and Iscariot, where each organisation sends one member to the other organisation for a month. And meanwhile Iscariot sends Anderson so he could sabotage Hellsing/find out some secret information, Integra decides to punish "dear Catholics" by sending them Vanity.

Yup, yup, there is no worse punishment than an annoying, sadomasochistic, horny, and vulgar vampire that has problem with listening to authorities.

You can definitely imagine the disaster that Vanity caused; but she also helped with catching members of some sort of "Italian vampire mafia" and actually saved Enrico's life. (Yeah, yeah, kinda overused trope... Yet I think not many times author used vampire smashing another vampire with a fire poker, and accidentally hitting bishop as well in their stories, right?)

And Maxwell could deny it as much as he wanted but he got interested in this little vampire disaster, not only because of her looks, but also because of her personality. And he slowly fell for her.

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We are the opposites, and yet we're both same

Maybe it's not visible on the first sight but more you look into their backstories, you will realise there have more things in common than you'd thought. We could definitely start with being mentally ill; yet the funny thing is that they can recognise that the other one is fucked up, but aren't able to recognise it on themselves. (And they really don't talk about this so they just think it. - Personally, I find it hilarious.)

Both of them had awful childhood which kinda formed them, yet the difference is that Vanity wasn't mentally alright from the start. (Which kinda helped her to get through all this in one piece, and she just calls her her early years as "shitty era".) - And funnily enough since they both lack emphaty, it's easier for them to talk about this - no empty apologies, no feeling sorry, no blunt sentences... They just talk about this sometimes, letting the words to slowly disappear in the air.

Which gets us to the silence they often share. There is no need for them to talk because no-one of them will ask stupid questions, and none of them will try to bring out the emotions and memories.

Unless Enrico breaks down and reveals a bit about his early years. (I headcanon Enrico with lots of mental issues, don't mind me.) But even then Vanity doesn't ask any more questions and doesn't pity him. She is just here, and Maxwell really appreciates because he wouldn't like to be pitied and addressed as "weak". (And even though Vanity enjoys making fun of him, she would never cross the line, bringing this stuff up.)

Both of them also think about themselves that they are better than everyone and anyone; and they tend to act like that. Which is kinda funny - bishop despising vampires, seeing them as a scum, and vampire who considers people as something fragile and weak...

You can definitely image, how they saw each other as a selfish, prideful jerk, when their worlds "collided". But in quite short time they both realised how similar they are, and how each of them basically built a barricade around themselves to prevent outer world to get closer.

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Just let me to give you the freedom to dream

Yes, I used "The other side" from The Greatest Showman as a title here, let me be.

Everyone can see how Enrico is devoted to Catholic church and how he cares about his reputation here... But is he really such a faithful believer? - Well, not really...

I feel like the Church is the last resort for him. The only place where he got accepted, and where he could build a career, get power, and possibility to show everyone around he is more than a mere bastard. That's why he is kinda scared to step out of his "cage", because he could lose things most precious to him - power and respect.

But Vanity is one of few people who don't see bishop/archbishop when she looks at him. - She actually sees "Enrico", and she really doesn't care about the status or such meaningless things. That's why, when this vampire is around, Maxwell can actually be who he truly is, without any fear of being judged nor abandoned.

And this also applies on NSFW activities which I won't mention now, but let's say that you may expect some post about it later. - Let me just mention, that I see Enrico as someone who would be able to break the promise of celibacy, if he really wanted and if it stayed as a secret...

Even though in this case it's more like an open secret. - And that's another reason why Anderson dislikes Vanity so much, not only she's “a protestant vampire” but she also seduced Maxwell, and (in Anderson's eyes) she forced him into these unholy activities. - Little did he know that dear Enrico was always kinda kinky, and he simply pretended not to be.

[fuckishimoto]

IMO Naruto Uzumaki is a loser's fantasy of what it's like to be a winner. He's continually given unearned advantages (Kurama, the prophecy, descendant of the Sage ot6p), yet never has to prove his worthiness of being so privileged. Naruto's so-called moral code is another gift from the narrative. Whatever he does is always treated as right by default. Naruto's values are never challenged. It isn't Naruto's half-ass tnjs we're meant to be cheering, it's Naruto getting a powerup and looking cool.

I remember I said the same, and naruto stans got over my ass and said “god forbid fiction tries to give kids who don’t feel good about themselves a fantasy, they deserve better than their reality”. So basically they admit Naruto’s character is just a dumb fantasy for losers, and they don’t see what’s wrong with it. What I can’t stand is not only do they feel they’re entitled to wish fulfilment, they think people should support their wish fulfilment because of their…..”issues”. I just can’t stand people using self pity to defend a character.

I don’t know if Kishi is just that severely lacking in self awareness or he’s just that awful a writer. Every time Kishimoto made a character to wank naruto or every time I saw that empty swing flashback, I physically cringed cos it literally felt like the manga pages are begging me to feel sorry for naruto and admire him.

Naruto has no moral codes. There’s one thing I love about the ending is SNS used to argue Naruto wanted to force sasuke back to Konoha because he couldn’t accept Orochimaru’s experiments. The ending killed this headcanon they’d been peddling for years as fact in the fandom. The ending confirmed Naruto doesn’t have problem with Orochimaru’s experiments and the babies he killed. He chased sasuke for his own selfish needs.

Looking back, it should’ve been obvious Naruto’s actions were not motivated by a sense of morals and justice. When he met orochimaru, he’s not angry with him because he experimented on people and killed them, Naruto was just upset Orochimaru had Sasuke.

For someone who’s so shallow and amoral, Naruto is preachy as hell. He liked to lecture villains, Kishimoto liked to make naruto look like someone who can change people with words. But what actually happened in the story was when the villains challenge naruto’s values, naruto would throw a punch or a book at the villains, and they’d just suddenly bow to Naruto’s TnJ eventho Naruto never provided an answer/counter to the villains’ worldviews. Kishimoto just kept awarding naruto “moral/philosophical” triumph despite naruto has no moral codes or philosophical depth to speak of. And if you raise these point with a naruto stan, they’d go “just accept it as it is, Naruto is the hero in the story”. Naruto stans are as dumb as him.