#and will probably keep being quite positive and creative about the show

[intuitive-revelations]

Ok so... that episode. Mixed thoughts. First half I felt was really strong. The second half...well.

As usual I'm going to kind of vomit my thoughts out as bullet points. It'll be quite rough though, as I'm way too tired to break these down more carefully right now, and just want to say my piece before I go to bed:

LOL at UNIT being so out in the open now. Couldn't help but think of all the big bold 'secret' signs from the classic series when I saw that.

The Vlinx is a really odd addition... did anyone else think about Splinx (from the Mines of Terror game) when they heard the name?

MEL! I did find it curious that some of the reporting on her appearance was ambiguous about when it would be, so I guess that explains that. Kind of an odd choice for a UNIT / Toymaker story, but establishing her as a character at UNIT works fine.

Now that I think about it, wasn't POTD specifically written with awareness of who / what RTD would be using in the specials? If so, I guess that explains why Mel didn't play a part in the plot.

Speaking of which, they're definitely going for this UNIT spin-off aren't they? I mean... makes sense. It seems they're building off what we saw in POTD anyway.

Trinity Wells coming back was a fun surprise, given how long it's been since we've seen her.

The political commentary of 'being right' is kind of perfect. Between this and the trans representation in The Star Beast, it kind of feels like RTD is laying out this thesis for the next few years.

I kind of like how they did the Toymaker in this one? Though he's perhaps a little too flamboyant and 'Master'-y for me, I do think the stuff with his accents etc was quite clever. I also think there was clearly some thought about the more dated racial stuff with the character, which that line about the weather kinda felt like it was hinting at?

I liked all the little ways they hinted at the Toymaker's "crystal guardian" backstory, with him sitting outside of "Chaos and Order".

Speaking of which... did he imply he beat the the Black and White Guardians? Cause if so...

Not gonna lie, when the Doctor started talking about a mistake he made when he was young, a part of me really genuinely thought they were about to mention Divided Loyalties. The line about the 'face' the Toymaker wore didn't help.

I'm also glad we got the Celestial Toyroom stuff, as I wasn't sure how much we were going to get in this episode? I think the creepiness with modern effects was great. I kind of wish we got to spend more time there though, ala the original story.

Conversely, I also feel like we could have gotten a bit more out of the idea of the Toymaker escaping into the universe? We got a glimpse of that in 'realistic' terms with the outer world, and a more campy fun vibe inside UNIT, but I would equally love much more focus on the world going mad, both mentally, but also physically. I dunno, it feels like there's two ambitious stories you could have gone with, but the episode kind of half-and-halfed it.

The stuff with Amy, Clara, Bill and the Flux. I needed that. Seriously. As someone whose literally spent all last week thinking about how it's all been one line of tragedies for the Doctor, connected from one to the other, getting that acknowledged in text was great.

The twist with the Master getting trapped too was a bizarre addtion, and honestly unnecessary. It felt like that story (I can't remember which, sorry EU fans, an EDA I think) which offhandedly implies both the Master and Rani are dead. I feel it could have worked a bit better if it was another major character we haven't heard of in some time, like Rassilon or someone, instead of someone we saw just a few episodes ago.

I will say the games were disappointing. I get there's only so much you can do with recognisable simple games, but I definitely wish we got something a bit more complex than "biggest number wins" and "catch". This is a story that really needed a good resolution, ideally based on the Doctor outwitting the Toymaker, and we didn't really get that. I'm not upset about it, just felt weak.

That being said, the focus on rules with regards to 'best of three' was perfect. Exactly what I wanted more of tbh.

I'm surprised by the "One Who Waits", after being teased in marketing as referring to the Toymaker, actually being someone else. RTD's been doing a surprising amount of sequel hooking actually...

I'll get more into the mechanics in a second, but I do like the resolution being about the Doctor's own mental health? It feels like the right conclusion, not just based on the past couple episodes, but also based on Thirteen's character arc, as well as everything that happened before her. I'm sure fans will (rightfully) eat that up and talk about it a lot.

Ok, so let's seperate out the BIG thing, and my thoughts on it. Warning: I'm about to get uncharacteristically negative for me:

I had seen the leaks about the bigeneration, and am really disappointed at how accurate they were, though I had kind of accepted it based on the accuracy of The Star Beast's leaks.

Funny enough, I genuinely do quite like ideas of weird stuff to do with regenerations in terms of splitting etc. I genuinely have had some thought before about the idea of it from an assimilation kind of view, merging together, kind of a more horror-y take on the Master's plan in POTD.

But... did we have to do this with Tennant? I mean, don't get me wrong I love him and have genuinely loved what he brought to Fourteen, distinguishing him from Ten and giving him the feel of that extra history since then... but did he really need to be the Doctor to get a life after regeneration? After all, Ten is the one who 'didn't want to go'. Granted him such a thing really feels like it's going against not just the 'embrace change' message of DW in general, but even Ten's own arc specifically?

(This is a thought I had after writing everything else here, but it's also kind of messed up that he's the one to get this conclusion, when we literally just had a whole arc about 13 and Yaz not having enough time together because of 13's incoming regeneration...?)

I don't think I need to spell out the issues of having two 'current' Doctors, not just in-universe, but also out of universe, and the shadow that now hangs over Ncuti's series, whether or not we get more with 14. The TARDIS splitting was really bad too.

That being said, there is one saving grace, in that it's seemingly implied that the rest of 14's life still comes before 15, somehow, based on what the latter said about being better because 14 will take the time to rest, recover and reflect on everything that's happened?

This is the one thing that doesn't make me want to throw the resolution away, as it does seemingly provide some clarity. If RTD sticks by that line, it would suggest it's less that there's two whole new Doctors, and more that 14 has been given some grace of having a bit more time before he turns into 15. That there's still technically a linear progression of Doctors, it's just one gets to hang around a little while to give the new one a cleaner mental slate. How on earth that would work however, is a whole other question...

I mean... couldn't we have just done this by time travel instead? Rather than introduce this whole new, kinda show-breaking concept? You could still get your hypothetical Tennant and past companions miniseries (which seems like it'll be a thing) or whatever alongside 15's own debut. Just let it be non-linear, and let us meet and travel with 15 before we get a peaceful, recovered 14 regeneration?

Also... if we ARE going play fast and loose with the ideas of regeneration... why didn't Tennant's face coming back play into this? Like... what a weird choice to make that the 'mystery' of the specials, throw in a crazy regeneration sequence... then just suggest it's a bit of a subconscious message. If we are going to get crazy with what regeneration can do, why not go all in with stuff like the Guardians of the Edge, or the Valeyard or something? Have fun with the internal identities lore of regeneration?

So yeah, to summarise my thoughts on the bigeneration... I really think RTD might have gone a step too far this time. I spent a little time after the last episode talking about how the lack of resolution on the Flux was one of my bigger complaints about the Chibnall era, but this writing decision feels even more baffling. If Doctor Who is going to have a 'jumping the shark' moment, we might have just witnessed it.

That being said, as someone who hates being too negative, I did find a silver lining in that the dialogue implies he's planned ahead how to get out of some of these issues, with regards to two concurrent Doctors etc. It just doesn't feel good being in this situation at all, when it wasn't needed in the first place.

Overall thoughts

I didn't hate the episode. In fact I was very much in to most of it! There were a lot of good ideas, across the Toymaker, the Giggle etc. although I do feel some were woefully underused within the episode. It's just that they're all kind of marred by that one big bad idea at the end.

Like I said, the stuff focusing on the Toymaker and the Doctor's history, plus his time since he travelled with Donna was great. The Giggle was a fun satirical concept, if again underused, and the Toymaker's argument for targetting Earth was pretty great. The resolution of forcing the Doctor to settle down, for a little while, and be with friends is decent too, and a nice conclusion to come to, even if the way it came about was a mess.

I suspect, and hope, we might get some more details not just about how this will all work (or maybe just opening up the question without getting too specific), but also about any possible plans for spin-offs and whether or not they will overlap with the stuff in this episode, which may or may not alleviate my worries.

But for now.... yeah, I'm concerned, sorry.

[deepmochi]

Asteorid Kiss 💋 (8267)

Artist: Auguste Toulmouche

This asteroid tells us about kissing styles, even your first kiss. It can also depict what people perceive your kisses or you as a kisser. All of this depends on your natal chart.

Take what resonates only, please!

Kiss in the signs and houses

Aries / 1st house: Your kisses are eager and fast.Passion and probably a lot of tongues and mess, quite chaotic. They have an innocent nature, still quite fiery. Your first kiss could have been quickie or kinda messy (with saliva). In the 1st house, people notice your innocence if you haven't kissed. It's very evident to others how experienced you are. Prominent lips and something about having nice features. Your first kiss meant a lot for good or bad. An experience hard to forgive, maybe they bite you(idk).

Taurus/ 2nd house: Your kissing style is sensual and slow. You like to taste your lover's lips. You don't want to rush; you want to savor each second you have. Many like your kisses and it's very common to hear "You kiss so well". If you haven't kissed someone, it's not very common for this sign, but then, you are waiting for the right one. You have pretty lips, and people don't believe you haven't kissed. In the 2nd house, you only kiss people who are in your future (long-term vibes).

Gemini/3rd house: this native likes to give fun kisses, and they prefer to kiss in different positions; between kisses, they would laugh or giggle. They could use their tongue very well too. In the 3rd house, the kiss is very stimulative and probably in the house. PDA can be accepted by the native. A very dynamic kisser. They would give you a random peck or probably like to give hickeys. Kisses before an important event; they may like that. Their first kiss could be with a neighbor or a friend close to the family or their sister or brother's friend.

Cancer/4th house: A very healing kiss, it gives a feeling of safeness and homelike vibes. This native gives very soft and cute kisses. This may be a reason why their exes keep coming back. They have a way that makes lips feel soft. In the 4th house, they prefer to kiss someone who is closer to them; they prefer being partners first, officially. Also, they don't like PDA; they prefer their home, room, or just a private place for their partner and them. They give their old while they kiss. It's not surprising that others think they are marriage material after a kiss session.

Leo/5th house: Leo's kisses are proud and valuable. The same with the other fiery signs, their kissers are very passionate. One of a kind, gold, so if you stole one, be aware of the punishment. They can be hungry sometimes and quite possessive but in a romantic way, passionate. They like to wear lipgloss or have nice lips overall, and they hope their s/o too. In the 5th house, this person loves kisses on the cheek or lips. They are into touching so random kisses on the forehead or hands. Kisses show how much they care. They will give them often to their s/o. PDA can be a thing. Overall, their kisses are joyful, creative, honest, spontaneous, and passionate. Very addictive to others.

Virgo/6th house: their kissing style is very cautious. They detest if someone pressures them for a PDA display. They want to feel safe with their partner. The Virgin sign likes to feel ready. They prefer clean and soft lips. Quick kisses and clean movements, avoid saliva mess (xd). In the 6th house, the natives prefer a safe environment and daily doses of kisses. They can kiss their partner to relieve stress. Kisses are natural. They take care of their lips or they are dehydrated often. They are constantly treating them (lip balms or lip masks). They may like to kiss with a fresh breath too, and i hope the same.

Libra/7th house: their kisses are balanced, not too much not too little (just enough). Their kisses make you feel more pretty /handsome. They literally take your breath away. They prefer to kiss someone they find attractive more than anything. They can desire to have control while kissing and pretend they don't. They may like to touch their partner's face or body. In the 7th house, they enjoy kisses with their s/p the most or at least with good prospects. Their kisses feel long and loyal like you are the one and only for them.

Scorpio/8th house: Kisses feel passionate and possessive. It's a mix between real and unreal, between fear and courage, light and dark. It's an addictive poison for the lover. Kisses are deep and primal. In the 8th house, you kiss for a transformation and to liberate your demons, fear, happiness, pain, or healing. Kisses are deep and try to be used as a calming sensation. They are drugs and a medicament to the romantics only the native know their risks. These kisses are not easy to forget. This kiss enchants others; the native should be careful. Others get obsessed with their lips.

Sagittarius/9th house: A very experienced kisser; their kisses are natural and spontaneous, though. They give you a free sensation, even a relaxing experience through their lips. These natives are so fun and boom they are kissing you. Their kisses are adventures like a trip to a new place. In the 9th house, this person has a lot of knowledge in this area. They may not look like it, but they have a master in kissing and all; whether they have experience or not. They could learn through others or reading about it. Their first kiss can happen in school or higher education.

Capricorn/10th: Capricorn kisses are slow and direct. They prefer to kiss someone that makes them feel safe like the other earthy signs; their kisses are mature and to the point. Also, their kisses can feel outdated, especially if someone prefers more rough kisses. They prefer long kissing sessions whenever they have time. If they have experience, they will be the ones in command. In the 10th house, you have a bossy demeanor when you kiss others. You are the one who guides. You prefer to take the lead. Either PDA isn't your favorite thing, or it doesn't matter to you.

Aquarius/11th house: Their kisses feel different; Aquarius likes to experiment with things and expand their knowledge. In the kissing department, it's the same. They have a PhD. in how to kiss, even without experience. They may like to innovate in their kissing style. They may like to kiss their friends often too. In the 11th house, this kisser has a lot of experience. Maybe, your first kiss was with a friend. You like to kiss your friends in a platonic or romantic way. Also, you may send the emoji kiss or kissing face for everything. You may tease others with your kisses.

Pisces/12th house: Pisces kisses have a soft and feminine energy(not genre related) to their kisses. They add a certain innocent in the way they kiss. They like to forget about things when they kiss their lover. In the 12th house, kisses are special and hard to explain. This native has a spiritual experience while kissing their s/o; they expect kisses to be like an epiphany or an escape from this world. Their kisses sessions are long and the same as other water signs, addictive too.

Take care 💚🌻

Credits to @deepmochi

[vickysaurus]

Let's take a closer look at the hominin skulls in the Senckenberg Museum's human evolution room. Keep in mind this is not a linear progression through our ancestors, and more like a bunch of closer and more distant cousins.

The first one, Sahelanthropus tchadensis is seven million years old, and may very well not be a hominin at all. I've always leaned towards the hypothesis that it's a gorilla relative, not one of ours. No matter which branch of the apes it belongs to, it lived not long after the time the human-line (hominins) and the chimp-line separated, and possibly even before that point!

Ardipithecus ramidus, the first hominin from where we can start making a fairly decent family tree of our relatives. Before this point, 5 million years ago, hominin fossils are very rare, fragmentary, and difficult to assign. One of the most interesting things that does seem to emerge from these early fossils is that we have walked on two legs for a long time. Maybe even so long that our common ancestor with the chimps and bonobos did it!

Lucy represents Australopithecus afarensis, who shows up at this point (3.3 million years ago).

Australopithecus africanus, the Taung child to be precise. We're about 2.8 million years ago at this point. Australopithecines must've been such fascinating creatures.

Homo habilis, the 'handy man', named that way because when they were discovered they were thought to be the first humans who used tools. Since then, Australopithecus tools have been found, and tool use by many different animals has also been documented.

Homo rudolfensis, a population of humans who lived at the same time as Homo habilis and were notably bigger and a little brainier. Does it warrant being its own species? That depends who you ask. Splitting vs lumping is a point of contention in almost every group's biology, and it can run especially high in the field of human evolution since hominins are A very high profile and important fossils that directly relate to our own origins, and B an extremely tangled group that seems to have produced loads and loads of isolated populations and subspecies that regularly migrated all over the place and had frequent interbreeding events. Personally I tend to come down on the side of lumping them into a few major species.

Paranthropus boisei. These were basically a separate lineage of australopithecines, quite different from our own ancestors, who continued to do australopithecus things until quite recently. They were very good climbers and seem to have returned to the trees.

Homo ergaster, either a close relative or a synonym of the more famous Homo erectus. This is the point where we got really brainy, probably figured out how to make fire ourselves, and spread from Africa to Eurasia.

Homo heidelbergensis. Homo erectus and its many subspecies spread all over Africa and Eurasia and existed for well over a million years. As time marches on and evolution did its thing, we eventually start calling the ones in Africa Homo heidelbergensis. They were quite tall, positively enormous compared to little Lucy a few million years back, and they too joined in the human migrations out of Africa. From the H. heidelbergensis who moved into Eurasia we eventually get neanderthals and denisovans, while Homo sapiens evolved from the heidelbergensis populations in Africa.

And there's the neanderthals! Large-brained and creative (the first known cave paintings belong to them and they buried their dead), they were likely quite different from the brutish image we often get from them. Rather than truly dying out, their populations eventually merged with the larger Homo sapiens population once they migrated out of Africa, leaving our modern genes with a couple percent neanderthal DNA.

Homo sapiens. And that's us! Not so much the last remaining branch of the human family tree as much as several of the separate branches ended up coming back together and weaving into a single bigger branch.

And then there's these little guys, Homo floresiensis! Probably originating from a Homo erectus population that ended up on the island Flores, insular dwarfism ended up making them grow quite tiny. On their isolated island, they remained until about 50000 years ago.

[irrlicht-writes]

Behind-the-scenes hc thingies for Cash or Check! I probably forgot like half of them, lol.

Are they hc's when it's my own fanfic...?

-Alastor dislikes sex -Alastor didn't start out liking kissing, but kissing Vox makes his lips tingle and that's quite interesting let's keep doing it -He likes feeling weight on top of him (Vox optional) someone should introduce him to weighted blankets -He likes sleeping on top of Vox so he can hear/feel his heartbeat (Vox not optional, sadly) -He keeps everything Vox gave him, even if he might forget he has it in the first place -He doesn't mind following in a dance but he usually ends up leading anyway even if he keeps doing the woman's steps -He used to go to every opening night of Vox's movies and talked about them in his radio show when he knew Vox wouldn't be listening -Not that Vox will ever know, but when there was a competitor, they would "miraculously" disappear -He loves Vox, but he doesn't have the words to say it -If things had gone differently, he might've been open to having sex with Vox one day willingly -He has stolen some of Vox's clothes but has never worn them (he's unsure why he took them it just felt right) -He dreams about eating Vox sometimes -Vox is special to him, even more so than Niffty -Alastor doesn't know how or when he fell in love, Vox was just something entertaining/interesting at first before that shifted -Vox gets forgiven for everything, he can literally do no wrong (that doesn't mean he won't get shamed to oblivion for mistakes it's just that Alastor will forgive and move on) -He can yap about Vox for hours and not realise what he sounds like (Husk is a prefered suffering victim) -He has gender dysphoria (usually it's hardly an issue but lately it's been getting worse I wonder why) -As a child, he killed fifteen dogs in eight months' time -He tried to kill himself twice but didn't succeed -He's far-sighted but due to convience, he'd wear his glasses all the time -Alastor's initial, unspoken reaction to Vox's first proposal was "Are you fucking insane?" -In the same vein, he got a ring custom-made for Vox (it's white-blue with shark motif) -Alastor rarely ever gets in the mood and when he does it's more like a chore and Vox is not required to assist (Murder only gets him in the mood for more murder) -He indulges Niffty in her roleplay sometimes (pretending to be the big bad evil king with her as his princess) (Husk usually serves as the loyal royal steed (he's not being asked)) -Alastor likes soft things, although he's not entirely aware of it -He's a tease and likes to flirt but he's also prone to just walking off in a conversation (Flirting only goes one way, not the other) -Alastor's favourite position is none of them -He is the last to sleep and the first to wake -Unless Vox is there; when Vox is there Alastor falls asleep as soon as he gets tired

-Vox loves Alastor -He likes it whenever Alastor would put his hands on Vox's chest (it makes him feel big and strong and manly) -He loves how dainty Alastor is -His small waist is making Vox feel things that are not pg13 -Alastor absolutely terrifies him, like a beautiful monster -Vox used to be more creative, but it slowly drained out of him -Rodriguez doesn't work for him anymore, but they still have contact from time to time -Vox had been married with three children he didn't care for and often forgets even existed -He used to coerce young girls to have sex with him -Alastor is the first one he's tried his bisexual side with -He loves Al, but he also loves Val -When having sex with Val, he sometimes accidentally calls him Al (which Val often just hears as his own name so Vox's screen is spared destruction) -Vox's favourite position is all of them -Even while surrounded by highly skilled technicians, Vox usually only trusts himself and Alastor to handle the tech in his head -He has more wet dreams about Alastor than he likes to admit -He loves the soft fur on Alastor's body -While he won't pry, he'd really like to know the stories of Alastor's numerous scars - they are a part of the man he loves -Vox loves Alastor so, so much -He's not into feet at all, but Alastor's hooves are a completely different thing -His clothes on Alastor drive him insane -Calling Alastor a girl is a little like a game to him - he likes to be a big man -He doesn't really understand Alastor most of the time but he hardly lets that stop him -He'll never tell anyone but Alastor squeaks quietly when he sleeps

-Niffty's human name was Alice and she got adopted from an orphanage when she was seven -Neither of them know it, or will ever find out, but Niffty is in fact Alastor's biological daughter -Alastor yapped about Vox on three seperate occasions, so Rosie had the man investigated before concluding that her bestie had, yet again, went and picked up a stray -Velvette is a lesbian and considers Bunny to be "one of the girls" -Velvette and Alastor play HellVille together

-Everything you see posted is the first draft (let's not count notes) which probably makes me a bad author :) -I also probably forgot about half of what I wanted to write here :)

[writtenbyjeanofarc]

— Johan Liebert - NSFW Alphabet —

Discussion

Alright, so I finally made the decision to take on this challenge and put my creativity into work while making this.

Note that I am not very good with headcanons since I suck at character analysis myself (I lack basic comprehension skills).

I’m just relying on my luck hoping there’ll be people who can relate to these headcanons of mine.

Though I don’t consider Johan to be big or standing out on the topic of romance and sex, it wouldn’t hurt to explore how he’d be like if he ever succumbed to these feelings.

I headcanon Johan as aro-ace, but since sex or having sexual thoughts/fantasies are a part of human nature, I wanted to write this in the RARE scenario where he succumbs to these feelings.

Perhaps someone strikes his fancy in order for him to give two fucks about them—to a point where it starts to affect him physically, emotionally, and mentally.

The possibilities are endless.

So without further ado, here’s the NSFW alphabet indeed, and if Johan is quite OOC here, don’t mind it. I forgot most of the things that happened in the show anyway.

NSFW under the cut!

NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I personally have this headcanon that after sex, Johan is a pillowtalker at heart. By definition, pillowtalking is an act of exchanging private conversations, intimate and deep ones. Especially in bed.

When he’s not manipulating someone to committing suicide using guilt, he spends his time communicating with his partner about what he likes (and dislikes) about them, or what he feels about the world. He’s being fairly honest with how he feels, though he masks it as something humorous and lighthearted, but still frightening to his partner.

No, he doesn’t have dark humor, but he’d be the type to talk to you about something controversial and ask your opinion of it. Scenarios like that.

If his partner fell asleep afterwards, he would leave a short letter indicating that he catered to what they needed before leaving, and for some reason, write light possessive content that have this “I’d kill for you” type of vibe.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His and their eyes. The eyes are basically a window to one’s emotions. Johan has high emotional intelligence, and can see through how people feel. Granted, he usually doesn’t feel guilt or remorse for manipulating orphans, so he’d probably use your eyes as an advantage to target you.

Also, this may be OOC, but hands. He doesn’t connect with many people besides his sister and Dr. Tenma, so being able to “connect” his body to yours mainly has to do with hands. He’s not big on physical touch, but at the rare moment, he probably is touch starved like any other human being would be, and will usually be the one initiating it.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

His cum is pretty thin compared to other thick liquids that come from other men.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He collects a stash of mementos (that remind him of his person of interest) to jerk off to. He’s personally fond of keeping memories and storing them in a secret drawer with a lock so people won’t be able to access them. He’s quite possessive in a rather soft way.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

I personally think he has little experience with sex. He doesn’t yearn for someone physically that easily, considering he isn’t easily swayed by external advances like seduction and flirting. Instead, he’d manipulate them back.

That being said, he might be a virgin.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

I’m sure whatever his partner wants goes. But if there was something he’d normally go for, it would be missionary. (I know, it sounds vanilla as fuck)

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He keeps it balanced. He can be humorous when they’re trying things out, experimenting.

But when he’s close, I’m sure he gets serious in a rather calm way, murmuring sweet nothings on his partner’s ear as he’s about to bust a load of nut from deep within.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He isn’t one to be conscious about body hair, but imo he does shave in case something between him and the person of interest happens. He doesn’t keep a purely shaved cock, however, perhaps just a quick trim.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He’s not very romantic in a sense, but he occasionally dabs in with emotional support once in a while.

I personally thought of the “I was born to smother you with flowers” line and thought….maybe he could actually have a knack for sweet nothings and charming little messages, verbal and written.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He starts jacking off slow and gently, but it soon evolves into something slightly rough in rare cases. Though he isn’t a rough, brute man with no manners, his patience can get tested if he doesn’t come faster.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

I don’t know if stalking is considered a kink but if it is then he has it, with his role being the stalker in this case.

Other than that, he doesn’t have much interest in unusual sexual situations making him quite vanilla.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

In his house, or his partner’s house. If he’s feeling lucky, then the library.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

People’s psyche.

Analyzing his person of interest is what turns him on, what makes him feral and craving for more.

The urge to manipulate and guilt trip drives him crazy to the point of wanting to ruin them, emotionally and sexually.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Being touched, kissed, or held without consent.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He mainly prefers giving, even though he doesn’t have much experience and skill. Just like how he initiates conversation smoothly, he’d be able to carefully analyze what you want, and give it to you based on your body language (he is very good at analyzing people’s thought and emotional patterns).

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sensual. Anything fast, stiff, or aggressive turns him off.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Johan doesn’t like them. He likes to take his time dissecting an individual if he ever plans on sleeping with them.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He is game to experiment and take risks, but does it with precise control over his emotions. He doesn’t raise his voice and lash out if something goes wrong, but will do everything in his will to fix things.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He personally goes for one to two rounds. Not because he lacks the stamina, but because he grows bored and doesn’t feel the need to pursue or fulfill his sexual needs. His sexual needs don’t last, and are very fickle. He can be subject to not continuing if he gets tired.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Personally, I don’t think he has the interest to pursue buying a toy.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Expect him to tease you in every way possible. He’ll edge you completely without regret, testing how much you can take before you can just give in and cum at his will.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He moans softly like a young man would, since his voice is pretty high-pitched. He gasps on the occasional note, even going as far as to scream like that scene where he fainted in the library.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He enjoys whispering filthy things to his partner’s ear, mostly backhanded compliments and talking about threatening them playfully. He enjoys adding fuel to the fire even when it’s highly unnecessary given the situation.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Basically nothing much, except for a boner that arises when aroused at a mentally stimulating situation.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Usually low. He doesn’t yearn or crave for sex like how I stated in the beginning, mostly refusing advances out of the many people who fancy him.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Barely. He would rather continue doing other things like reading a book, sending an e-mail, but he isn’t the type to sleep right after as he prefers to keep an open eye on his person of interest.

[luminouslywriting]

I know several of the guys irl got married super young like Kenny Lemmons and Hambone (who is actually younger than Ken?) and I just want to imagine what married life was like with them because they were so young even when they came back home and just being domestic with them…

Nonny, this is super cute and I wanted to expand on it for both Hammy and Lemmons, so here you are!

Cut for length, light spice sprinkled in, let me know if you want expansions on them??:

Married life with Ken Lemmons:

-It's honestly a dream come true—he's the sweetest and most attentive husband in the world. He's the type of man who calls you sweetheart and all of the cute pet names and is an actual definition of a wife guy.

-He's out here planning out the future with you and preemptively painting a nursery because he wants a family with you.

-The type of husband who is really big on communication and figuring things out together. You rarely argue with this man and he hates to be in arguments—never raises his voice or gets angry about really anything.

-Loves dancing with you on the porch.

-Very gifted with his hands and likes making you homemade gifts....and making you come apart in very calculated efficient strokes

-Baths together where water fights, bubbles, and makeout sessions are plentiful

-Getting turned on when he's doing mechanical work of any sort or yard work haha

-Probably wants a big family and wants to start ASAP, so yes there's a breeding kink

-Also the best for dealing with any sort of sickness or chronic illness; he's super patient and likes to dote on you

-Likes going on vacations to the East Coast with you

-Probably prefers the suburbs or to be far away from the city so that life is a little more peaceful

-Car sex

-The best cuddles and pillow talk is the softest most wholesome thing in the world

-Married life with him is probably super sweet and almost picket white fence, but in the best way

Married life with Hamilton Hambone:

-This man is really just full of adoration for everything that you do and the way that he expresses that is through physical affection and sex haha

-Dirty talk is plentiful in this marriage—and so is the flirting and body praise for the both of you

-Dirty photograph sessions and he keeps a few of them in his wallet at all times

-Public teasing and a thing for hair pulling

-Likes doing the dishes with you

-Hammy likes sneaking up behind you and giving you a hug from behind

-He likes to spoil you as much as he can; it's little trinkets like bracelets or new gloves or ribbons for your hair

-This man is kinky af and into things with lots of laces or corsets haha

-Loves going out to dance parties or jazz clubs to date you; and always brags about you to his friends

-Likes to sweep you off of your feet, quite literally—and that always leads to some precarious and creative positions in many places around your home

-Likes reading with you at nighttime—or rather, he likes listening to you read at nighttime and it helps calm him down

-Loves summer pool parties and when you show off the goods (limited viewership of course haha)

-Married life with him is probably super spontaneous and fun, full of surprises and excitement at every turn

[su-momswaup]

In the gemswap that only exists in my notes, Peridot basically crash-landed on earth an unclear period of time after the war, fulfilling the Amethyst-type role of the Crystal Gem who came in after the war, and didn't experience it but still keeps her unique element as a Gem who experienced some post-Pink "shattering" Diamond Authority, and she probably came into the CG later in the timeline than Amethyst did.

Enough time so that the differentiation of eras had time to really form. Cue the Peridot redemption arc, but with Rose instead of Steven.

[This is me sharing in an attempt to help/soothe regarding the position of Peridot in this type of AU, as well as the resource shortages of era 2 leading to shorty gems like her and Demantoid.]

[That one post about her makes it feel like you're trying to squeeze her real close to the end of the war to justify her being one of Steven's moms and I'm just trying to say you don't have to to make it work. It's 3000 years between the end of the war and start of the show, lots of time to work with]

you know that’s actually quite creative, I’m glad for receiving criticism. I think I should work more on her integration now that you’ve mentioned it, I’ve noticed I’ve put probably the most thought into lapis’s backstory (for the main cg team at least, oh boy did I spoil pearl, garnet and amethyst with backstory lore) and neglected the other a bit, though I maybe wont carbon copy your idea cus well, it’s your unique idea and I don’t wanna steal it, thank you though!

[burningvelvet]

on percy shelley & human connection & coping through art

to set the mood of this post i must say i'm writing it really quickly on my phone over a bowl of pasta with bread & broccoli & some orange flavored sparkling water & im still dressed in my outdoor wintery clothes (all black, knee boots, wool, silver chains & rings, although i mostly prefer gold jewelry).

so anyway today i've been kind of sad over ppl not replying to my texts & my usual reaction is to say "ok, guess i'll kms, wah wah, cry cry" but this sort of passively cynical joking schtick has gotten old & i would rather occupy myself some other way instead of moping about failed connections or the difficulty of initiating contact with anyone or the struggles of modern socialization as a whole.

instead, i will read the works of percy shelley tonight, and think about how he struggled with all of this over 200 yrs ago. of how hard he struggled to make leigh hunt and lord byron collaborate with him on their journal the liberal, and how he struggled all his life to build a positive community even in spite of years of bullying, ostracization, and family strife - he often felt like giving up, and like human connection was impossible, but he never gave in to apathy and instead he continuously curated his ideal life by seeking out other like-minded people, even when he occasionally embarrassed himself in public or when others were decidely averse to him or lukewarm in their reception. john keats didn't entirely take to him when they met and some of keats' friends straight-up disliked percy for being weird, but percy (though scarcely knowing him) loved keats as a brother-poet nonetheless, was generous to him, wrote one of his masterpieces in his favor, and died with a copy of his poems in his pocket.

percy always reached out to others and was a loyal friend even when others disrespected him or ignored him or just simply didnt love him as much as he did them. his letters to lord byron show how reverent he was to his friend, and how his affection was never returned in quite the same gusto, but, while still trying to keep his self-respect, percy quelled his frustrations and continued his correspondence with byron regardless. percy acted as the mediator between byron and claire even when his stress was so high it weighed heavily on his health. he actively tried to choose to be positive even when the people around him were negative or miserable. like most writers back then, he sent his writing to his idols, and sought mentorship from people he admired, like william godwin and leigh hunt, and he continued to respect them even when they took advantage of him financially (moreso in godwin's case).

anyway what i mean to say is that whenever im feeling lonely or rejected or alienated or socially stupid or am just second-guessing my role in society or whatever whatever whatever, i cling to creativity/art/literature/etc. even harder than i regularly do, because thats what it exists for.

i knew a therapist (not one i saw as a patient, but someone i knew through mutual interests in media/the arts) who said that a certain musical performance we both loved probably saved way more lives than any single therapist ever has. - the performance in question was david bowie's tokyo 1990 live recording of rock n roll suicide, an anti-suicide song (its available on youtube, go watch it lol, he performs it with so much conviction).

any way even though at the end of his life shelley sometimes felt like he was failing to achieve his dream of building a utopian art commune - he actually did succeed in introducing several people to each other in ways that changed peoples lives. his friends jane williams and thomas jefferson hogg got married only through his mutual friendship. whole literary societies have been started in his honor - to this day there are conferences & whatnot that meet annually - his life & writing continues to inspire people and bring them comfort - & he would be extremely proud of that - any artist would. the main goal of any famous dead writer is basically to become the imaginary friend of their future readers & he accomplished that - even though all the time he was wracked with doubt/depression/suicidality/illness/chronic pain, etc. - as a political/philosophical radical, he realized that having hope is one of the most influential & radical things one can do - & i'm glad that, even though this is a person who died over 200 yrs ago, there is at least one person who really resonates with me - even though we're from different centuries, different continents, different sexes, etc. - it's helpful to have positive influences to look up to, especially when they've also struggled in similar ways as you. and although shelley was pretty privileged (rich englishman) he really did struggle a lot mentally & physically - his life was a chaotic mess - and he wasn't perfect at all - but i think he's still inspirational for my previously mentioned reasons - his ceaseless hope. the last poem he was working on was titled the triumph of life, even though he wrote it during a deep depression. the last poem he published in his lifetime was hellas, which he hoped would raise money for the cause of greek war of independence. from the poem:

"Life may change, but it may fly not;

Hope may vanish, but can die not;

Truth be veiled, but still it burneth;

Love repulsed, — but it returneth!"

[jerreeeeeee]

i also read the suffering game graphic novel. here's praises and criticisms. this one is also more negatives than positives unfortunately, i tried to be fair and thoughtful but i did not like it very much

things i liked:

-lucretia prologue establishing that she went to wonderland + talking abt missing the crew. fun & mysterious

-hi mavis and mookie :) they are cute

-HI BARRY sometimes i forget he stalked merle’s family outing. i love that freak

-magnus and angus scene!! fisher showing angus the statue drawing!! ango detective subplot!! this is a nice and natural addition since we know he was sleuthing around the BOB

-merle teasing taako about his date is kinda cute actually love seeing them be friends

-thank god they got rid of the chimera. idk if this is a hot take or anything but its probably my least favorite fight in the podcast its so out of place and unnecessary. there are lots of fights that didnt really matter in the beginning like all the gerblins and the slime swamp in rockport but they were still like getting their bearings and the show was more like a real dnd campaign than a typical actual play, but by the time you get to the suffering game there’s more interesting things to do and you're like god why are we still doing random forest encounters just get to wonderland already

-not a positive per se but i’m not that upset about sterling and his party being cut. i feel like an adaptation would’ve had an opportunity to make that little c-plot matter more, and that would’ve been awesome, but as is in the podcast, i never felt particularly strongly about it? not enough to miss it. idk like magnus and merle were already for ‘trust’ even if it were strangers and taako never seems all that regretful about it (which like. fair. he’s the pragmatist and that’s how the prisoner’s dilemma works. he played the game right because he couldn’t afford to lose, knowing they hurt some slightly-less-strangers doesn’t really change that).

-i dont remember which of the boys discovered it in the podcast but merle noticing the smoke thing is good. he actually is competent and especially in an arc that’s meant to make him feel useless that’s a good little reminder

-i do like that the liches say the bell is very powerful & is threatening to destroy them like both keeping in theme with the rest of the relics and an introduction to the idea that sharing an incredible and dangerous power between two people makes it easier to keep your sanity, similar to lichdom

-griffin getting cut off with the hunger is awesome finally we’re taking advantage of the medium. nothing more to say that choice rules

-posts on tumblr hyped me up for taako recognizing barry’s dick but unfortunately that’s not really what happened and now i’m disappointed. but the graphic novels arent canon so i’ll just have to continue with my barry/taako awkward past one night stand agenda despite it all

-i dont quite know how to feel about the umbrastaff leaping to barry to replace the “love barry, trust barry” moment. on the one hand, having lup actually speak to taako wouldn’t work super well in graphic novel form, not to mention the whole band of projected thought thing was kinda convoluted and they are clearly very limited on time, and taako choosing to trust the umbrastaff in this way is a creative way to get that same effect. on the other hand, its so unclear what even happened or why it changes taako’s mind without podcast context. that’s one of my big gripes, you’re expected to be familiar with the story already, but if you’re familiar with the story, the graphic novels are… worse in every way. also, i really really liked the original scene so even though it doesn’t work, i miss it. this isn’t as effective—we don’t find out there’s a person missing from taako’s memory, his heart doesn't swell at the sound of her voice, he doesn’t know with certainty that she’s someone dear to him. it's just like, another instance of the umbrastaff acting weird. maybe you put together that 'LUP' is a person but you don't have any indication until the moment of remembering how important she is. all of that would be really difficult to get across in a visual medium anyway, but still, yknow, it doesn’t hit as hard.

-ango!! his mage hand is coming along so well!! although. why is his wand just like a stick. did he pick it up off the ground. taako needs to take better care of his boy this reflects badly on him as a teacher lmao

-i felt this way about the eleventh hour too but there’s so many little details of taako and merle’s friendship i feel like they have little asides and jokes together a lot and i love that

-the looming dread of the hunger is done pretty well (as well as it can be with such time restraints)

-merle trying to commune with pan and seeing john instead is good. very ominous and intriguing for new readers and exciting for podcast listeners

-really liked the panel of barry in the red robe against the stars and the bond engine’s white ring as he’s remembering. very cool very cinematic

-i actually also really like the framing as taako remembers, filling in the memories we’d seen previously and clearing out the static while he looks so broken, and merle asking him what he’s remembering, and then finally speaking his sister’s name. its framed very powerfully. i wish he and lup didn’t look awful so i could actually feel something at that part. like they are my favorite characters ever their story makes me so emotional and i just. they’re unrecognizable. the character designs are terrible and taako has spent 6 books now being mischaracterized and flattened to hell so i just can’t muster any emotion. maybe i'll redraw that page someday though because the panelling is genuinely very good

-the ending lucretia monologue is good she's the narrator she's the main character she's everything. love the portraits staticking out and mirroring and changing, and ending on the beach painting is great. very cinematic and a natural way to phase into the stolen century

things i didn’t like:

-i dont think taako’s deepest desire is his own brand of fashion forward athleisure wear if i’m being quite honest. these little things irk me

-why is liches get stitches all the way in the beginning… ill portent for how the rest of this book will go

-i think they shouldve introduced the flaming raging poisoning sword of doom way earlier. the payoff isnt nearly as good without the setup of having been magnus’ white whale for like fifty episodes. maybe they did mention it in earlier books and i just forgot though

-^ i hate his stupid ugly oversexualized stereotyped ass so fucking much its unreal

-why are edward and lydia ugly :( —(they're not ugly because they're chubby they're ugly because their color schemes and outfits are fucking awful) (fr though why are all their colors so muted and dingy?? why are their outfits boring?? at least their heart attack looks are fun)

-oh so there’s just no trust or forsake at all. yeah i don’t like that. in the end no great loss since i don't think it really says anything about thb's characters that hasn't already been said, but so much of thb's characters and arcs have been cut from the gns already

-i get that they’re low on time trying to fit in reunion tour but like come on part of the suffering of the suffering game is how long and painful it is cutting it down really just. makes it not matter as much

-magnus looks no different after aging LMAO he gets like 2 gray hairs and that’s it

-edward and lydia’s lich forms are also boring unfortunately

-no tasha’s hideous laughter on the heart attack mannequin? lame. although i have for the first time realized that dnd shows kinda have a thing for characters uninterested in romance being forced by mysterious powers to be haunted by creepy puppet-like “romance partners” huh

-magnus doesn’t forget kalen?? why cut that out? i guess because there was never closure for it in the original story?

-no boss rush?? that was fun :(

-magnus and taako aren’t surprised merle has kids??? did they know???

-dupree looks terrible but i guess props to carey for giving him feathers even though it looks bad

-just axed the liches’ backstory?? that was kind of important?? the fact that they turned to necromancy out of love for their family & powered themselves with positive emotions too? that like, has relevance later…

-NO BAD LUCK FOR ARMS OUTSTRETCHED? COME ON

-the framing of magnus’ soul being removed is so anticlimactic in general like the POINT of a VISUAL adaptation is to have interesting & cinematic VISUALS its just so messy

-all of arms outstretched didnt look very good in general sorry. its just such a big important moment and to make it so mid… a tragedy

-“i guess we still needed each other after all” doesnt work anymore because they removed all of edward and lydia’s backstory and character but it was an interesting line to me that i wish had been kept. hammering in that liches need anchors is, again, pretty relevant later on, getting rid of that foreshadowing sucks, and it also humanizes these villains in an interesting way that really highlights their powerlust as their downfall rather than just, like, cruelty for evil’s sake. like yes they torture people and find it fun because they’re so distanced from their own humanity but they also truly believed it was necessary for their own safety and seemingly only became sadistic after they desensitized themselves. i wrote a post about this a while ago but idk if i’ll ever post it

-not a fan of barry killing lydia either. idk why, its not like he hasn’t killed other people to protect the boys before. but that’s earlier in the show before we know he’s not just a villain and is in fact meant to introduce him as a villain. now he’s a friend so idk if you can just go back to having him murder people? again its not a wrong choice but it feels like messy storytelling. also like i think seeing a lich grieving her anchor and a sister grieving her brother would pull some heartstrings for him. it would maybe remind him of some people he loves and garner some sympathy and give him some pause. and i liked that in the podcast even though lydia was so distanced from the idea of positive anchors, killing edward just immediately undoes her, fits in with the themes and the way we understand liches to work, another powerful example of what bonds can do, and that's kinda lost here

-magnus’ answer to the bell sucks so badddd lmao when these books NEED context they’re devoid of it but when they actually have the necessary plot points/character arc established for the reader to put something together they have to go and spell it out like the audience is stupid. there was something so raw and powerful about magnus’ original “i’d hate it. shut the fuck up.” like just shutting it down and not even considering it. that’s completely lost when he has to be like “recap time! my wife, julia,” eugh just didnt like that. there are so many powerful lines from balance that i don’t hate on principal that they’ve changed, but there was no good reason to change, and so the new version just falls flat and there was no reason not to include the original lines verbatim? i get not wanting to just deliver a podcast highlight reel and have the gns be their own story or w/e but if you’re gonna do that you have to do it well, and they just keep being worse unfortunately

-they don’t get the chance to go off the grid themselves and choose to trust barry?? come the fuck ON that is IMPORTANT to the STORY

-this may or may not be an unpopular opinion but i’m not a fan of barry’s design either. i don’t like the hair and he’s not fat enough. less egregious than others but its still another instance of being like who tf is that

-barry’s little coin monologue was kinda fun and dramatic and i (finally) liked the visuals of him falling from the sky/silhouette of the starblaster against faerun’s single sun. but i wish they’d kept more of the original. add drama that’s fine but the point of it is to humanize him after we’ve spent so long thinking of him as a villain and a ghost and a force of the story and now it turns out he’s barry bluejeans. he’s just a guy. he loves his mom. he’s allergic to dairy. he’s afraid of the dark.

-especially not a fan of cutting out the “love that defined and redeemed you” and “dull weight in your chest” in barry’s coin monologue. those are important parts of his character. whether you interpret the love and the weight to be for lup or for the whole crew, you need to know that the red robe has lost people, and that everything he does is to try to get them back. he’s the lover and he’s grief personified. his mission is to save the world AND recover his family. thats like. kinda important for his character and role in the story. if you ask me.

-again the “we’ll get em next time” magnus flashback is not BAD but it could’ve looked so much better? carey definitely has strengths as an artist but her fight scenes and character design tends to be very weak so its unfortunate that this is an adaptation of a dnd podcast where those 2 things are like, the most important. idk i feel like i should be articulating what i mean better but i’m not sure how. the fights just are often really cluttered and framed in an odd way that doesn’t look very good or dramatic or dynamic. i don’t want to say carey is a bad artist, i really don’t think she is! but i think she was not the right artist for this project. the magic of a visual medium is, well. the visuals. when they’re mid the whole story suffers.

-taako and merle not just saying magnus is dead is sorta unnecessarily confusing since everyone like assumes he’s dead anyway? idk i don’t understand that choice. kinda fucks with his moment with carey. not a big deal in the end but it does seem unnecessary

-MAGNUS DOESN’T GO SEE FISHER?? the mannequin dies in fantasy costco??? what about johann???

-“you stole half of my fucking heart” i know a lot of people loved this line but it genuinely baffles me. Why Only Half. not only referencing one of the most heartwarming (and heartbreaking) lines in the original show with no context for why its meaningful at all yet—but also minimizing it? why soften that blow? why detract from the raw intensity of that grief? why reduce a very powerful sentiment? an adaptation of balance that doesn’t allow itself to be earnest and wholehearted (ha) about its platonic bonds is not a good adaptation, straight up. maybe its not that deep but it is To Me. maybe it has no real import and i’m just being stupid but like they made that choice to write half instead of just “my heart.” Why, genuinely

-hey what the fuck happened to johann for real though. that was a really important part of the story. hey. hey. what about johann. like are we just ignoring johann. am i insane. how has no one mentioned this. what’s up with johann

-

so all in all, again, rushed pacing, axing of a lot of very important plot points, shoddy visuals.

it did not make me relive the emotional journey of the suffering game and reunion tour. it inspired a vague nostalgia for the first time i experienced reunion tour, reminded me of how much i love the original show, and made me want to listen to the podcast again. especially reunion tour good god i love reunion tour. and it made me desperately wish for a good adaptation. i would do fucking anything for a good adaptation. the longing is making me sick. at least we always have podcast reunion tour.

the graphic novels are just so empty and soulless compared to the original show. i wouldn’t have an issue with changes, except that the changes, at every turn, gut the emotional core of the story that makes it so special, and ruin the strong themes throughout the story. they fundamentally misunderstand what is so good about balance. and also, like, basic storytelling. they’re poorly designed and poorly written, so they don’t even stand on their own as a different story. i'm not expecting an exact replica, but i am expecting good writing, good changes when necessary, and respect for the original beloved story. without those, the soul is gone, the spark of what makes balance so compelling and emotional.

i am dreading the story and song graphic novel. i don’t think it will be any good. the themes and character arcs and plot of the show have been mangled beyond belief so nothing is really meaningful anymore. can we go back to the johann thing for a moment—

[goodluckclove]

On Being Seen

I'll warn you in advance, friends and colleagues - I might not have quite an optimistic take on this one. In advance I'll say that I'm totally all right, there's no need to comfort or fawn or worry. It's just been a pretty crazy couple of days and it's sort of left me in a kind of perturbed state of mind.

I feel as if I've developed a reputation on Writeblr as someone strongly supportive of other writers through their struggles and successes, and I figure it might be useful to see that I speak as someone who has their fair share of doubts. Consider it a show of neurosis that supports me as your steadfast advocate in creative growth and potential.

I'll put it under a read more. It's nothing triggering I don't think, I'm just a little embarrassed to have it fully visible under what I still consider to be a relatively professional space. Or at least a space for me as a professional whose brand involves not being very professional.

Nevertheless.

I debated for a long time self-publishing Blind Trust. I went back and forth every so often for weeks, and my poor wife had to deal with the brunt of my strange excuses not to do it. It really came down to one big question, which was...why?

Why am I publishing this? And for money, no less? That's weird. Why would anybody support that? It wouldn't deter me from writing if I never published any of the Songbird Elegies. I'd still write them. I've been writing stories for almost 20 years that no one has ever read and no one will probably ever read.

Sure, I have the fantasies of relative cult notoriety. People making fanart of my characters and sharing weird memes about my plot points. Finding comfort in the words and stories I've created to comfort myself. When I was still considered schizoaffective my dad gave me a copy of Flow My Tears the Policeman Said by Philip K. Dick and said that he was "like us". If that happened to someone else with one of my books it would mean the world to me.

Then again, would it? Because in my actual, real, physical life I am terrible at taking praise. It's like trying to catch a ball from the other side of a brick wall. If you ever pass me on the street I'm guaranteed to be wearing soundproof headphones and blasting music to keep anyone from talking to me. You might catch my eye and I'll smile and nod, maybe toss a compliment your way, but if you try to have a conversation and I do not know you I will absolutely just keep walking. I can't do it.

I love people and I'm terrified of people. It's always been this way.

It's easier online. I mean it when I say that I'm open to anyone here just starting a conversation with me about anything. There's already the unspoken assumption that we're all already weird, so I don't have to think too hard about your motivations. But still, large amounts of praise and positive reinforcement make me deeply uncomfortable. I've been trying to work on that for years, but I find most advice on building self-worth deeply unhelpful.

It's not like I'd prefer hate. I think I'm just not used to being noticed either way.

This is the first time I've made an honest effort to put my work, and by proxy myself (all writers are brands now, says the publishing industry as a whole) on display online. And for the most part it's been great! I enjoy the connections I've made here. The promise of making more. There are so many skilled storytellers here that it gives me a lot of hope and excitement for the future of literature.

But it's weird. It's really weird.

Most of the time I see it as another social media client. I stand by the posts I make and do them for fun, but I also do them to maintain a presence and draw in more attention. I studied to do things like this for work before. I picked like three social media management tactics that I thought I could remember when I was 18 and just stuck by them. And then occasionally I go oh wait. This isn't some nonprofit. This isn't a start-up for tech assholes. This is me.

And that's weird.

It's not a massive following I have, but it's more than I've ever had before under my own personal and creative writing. I published short stories and articles, but I never heard anything from them. There are short stories I have on online journals that I genuinely do not know if anyone has read. Here, I see people like things and I'm like huh. I feel like a mummy or a ghoul. I do not understand what people are doing.

One part of my brain takes this information and says that it's probably proof that when I publish Blind Trust, some people will buy it. People have expressed interest already. Which means they're probably interested, I think. I post excerpts of my writing and people seem to enjoy it enough to click a button or leave a comment. That's cool. I don't get why it happens, but it's very cool and it makes me happy.

At the same time there's this undercurrent of paranoia. I don't get it. And I don't think I ever will. That's essentially been my only coping mechanism for publishing at this point - I don't know if it'll work, but I might as well try and if I do something will probably happen.

I know I'm a writer. At this point it would be ridiculous to say I wasn't. I'm a professional, working writer, and experienced enough to know that saying all that doesn't say much in terms of quality.

Am I a good writer? I don't really know what that means. I like Blind Trust. I'm reading it for the fourth time as I edit it again and I genuinely enjoy it. So someone who thinks like me and has similar tastes to myself might feel the same way. I don't really know who that person might be. Statistically I imagine they have to exist somewhere. And that there's at least a handful of them.

Imposter Syndrome is real and I don't think it ever goes away. I'd like to think that it's one of those things where you think about it less and less, and this is just the first night in maybe five months that I'm really thinking about it.

I'm not expecting to make a ton of money off my first book. In fact, I probably will be sick from anxiety with any purchase I get for the first year, because it means that someone spent human money on writing I am happy to just give them for free.

But this is going to be my job. I want this to be my job so I can spend more time doing it. Because I've dedicated so much time to doing all of this, it means I get to spend a lot of my day getting other writers to write even a little bit of their own stories. And that's so important to me.

I don't know. I don't really have a neat end to this. I'm forcing myself to actually follow through with posting it, and then to continue keeping it up even though it feels incredibly vulnerable to be, in my opinion, this self-indulgent and whiny. It's insecure. I'm still insecure. I'm in therapy and on medication and there's more shit I got to do in life.

Still, I'm telling myself that my version of being a Professional Writer is to showcase emotional pitfalls like this. Newer writers might know that you can sometimes have a night where you might not be in despair, per say, but certainly deep confusion, and then come back the next day and keep on working. I stand by what I mean when I say that the craft should not be entirely miserable. It is still maybe 25% inconvenient to me, and I am currently in that less-desirable quarter.

So what am I doing? Wife got us Jersey Mike's, so I had a yummy sandwich. Kafka is sitting on my calves, just behind my laptop monitor. I'm listening to my soul/funk playlist while Wife plays Hell Divers for the first time. Later we're going to play a board game.

But for now, I'm going to keep editing my goddamned novel.

Blind Trust out in June. Get ready people, because I'm not.

[k-rising]

Chenle's birth chart analysis

DISCLAIMER: This is just a part of the analysis of the idol's natal chart, which wants to show a deeper perspective on the idols life. This analysis is carried out thanks to the data that appears on the birth chart. The point of this post is to entertain. [This idol hasn’t confirmed his birth time, so I used the standard 12pm time to calculate his natal chart].

!!: since we don't know chenle's birth time, we have no idea if he's a scorpio or sagittarius sun. when this happens, we should analyse his sun with the traits of both signs.

this little man is passionate, intuitive and loyal. he can be considered as cold when you first meet him, but once he opens his heart you'll be able to see how protective chenle is with the people he loves. chenle is also very funny and curious, and tries to spread his positivity to the world. even though he's quite sociable, he considers few people as his true friends.

having sun square uranus can mean that he can have a love-hate relationship with his own personality, more specifically with his weird side. having this aspect means that he possesses an electrifying personality which can make others either hate him or love him... that's why it can be hard for him to open up easily.

chenle has his moon in the sign of aquarius, which makes him a stubborn person with a strong ego. he's emotionally distant, since he feels uncomfortable when expressing his emotions. this dude tends to rationalize his feelings and prefers dealing with his problems by himself. plus, he's emotionally mature with both his moon and mars making a trine with saturn and tries to be as objective as possible.

he also has the sign of aquarius as his mars sign, which makes him a rebellious, ambitious, independent and creative person. chenle needs a job where he can express his thoughts through art and being a singer was a very well made decision. however, I think that he will have more than one job, tho... I don't see him just as a singer... he would probably like having his own podcast or youtube channel where he can chat with his fans or something like that.

this placement also makes chenle a very argumentative and emotionally impulsive person. he probably gets mad easily and doesn't have a lot of patience.

chenle is very proud of his ideas with his sun conjunct mercury and sometimes he can be seen as a know-it-all.

he has both mercury and venus in scorpio, which means that he's good at keeping secrets, specially his own ones. when there's a debate, chenle will try to win it at all cost. this dude is smart and critical af. he likes to get to the heart of things, no matter the consequences.

when he has a crush, chenle is very observant and likes knowing the smallest details of that person. however, he doesn't like to reveal much about himself. this man is very daring once he decides that he wants to have something serious with someone. chenle wants to have a relationship that transforms him in some way. he wants to feel comfortable and safe with that special person. if you ever make him upset or do him dirty, it will be hard for him to forgive you right away.

even though he wants all of those things I mentioned earlier, chenle doesn't know what he really wants in a relationship; there's a clash here between his needs and his wants. I feel that he does love in an intense way and does get a little jealous from time to time, but he also wants to have some time on his own. chenle doesn't like clingy people, he prioritizes independency. I also feel that, since he's not good at expressing his feelings, that also plays against him. he's likely to have many experiences with many people to finally know what he really wants.

‧͙⁺˚･༓☾　𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑜 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔! 　☽༓･˚⁺‧͙

[rainy-astrology]

SF9 Inseong Birth Chart Analysis

Based on my opinion and observations. Not an expert. May change later.

July 12th, 1993

Seoul, South Korea

Unknown time

☀️♋️, 🌙♈️

Cancer sun + Aries moon - likely squares; protective and strong-willed, ambitious and knows what he wants as both are cardinal signs. If they do square, there could be a case of emotional turmoil and confusion on how to properly express himself, how to even deal with such feelings. Cancer is sentimental and deeply emotional while Aries would prefer to not revel in their feelings (although funnily they're a very emotionally sensitive sign too).

Cancer sun conjuncts Cancer mercury - Good communication skills and high intelligence; active mind; both being in Cancer, makes him intuituve and sentimental. There's a family and home focus. Inseong is incredibly intelligent and he does seem to care for his family a lot. Inseong does not cry much, but there was a moment during a concert where the members were talking about their families and he actually became emotional during the topic.

Aries Moon + Cancer Mercury - likely squares; if his moon squares his mercury, he may have a hard time with clearly expressing his feelings and thoughts clearly. Could be an impulsive way of showing it or an attempt to repress them. Inseong generally doesn't show his negative feelings (having only openly cried twice throughout his career iirc), he seems to prefer being positive.

Gemini venus square Virgo mars - a conflict between balancing the want for intimacy and harmony (venus) with the want for independence and control (mars). This could be troublesome in relationships (if underdeveloped) as this placement craves attention and acceptance, can be quite demanding for it at times. Tends to be affectionate but also overwhelming with the need for reciprocity. I do see this a bit with him as he is very affectionate with his members and does openly ask for love back. On a more positive note, it seems to give the native a drive for creative expression, which Inseong definitely has a lot of.

The Virgo mars also gives him high expectations for himself and others, so this may wedge some issues between him and others if they don't meet them.

Energetic Aries moon and hardworking Virgo mars can explain why Inseong pursues many activities. Likes to genuinely keep himself busy. I sometimes wonder if it is to keep himself from thinking about his deeper thoughts and feelings...there seems to be a sense of trouble of dealing with his emotions. But I could be wrong as there's no confirmed time for him.

Possible rising: Libra - Charming and fun, he certainly knows how to liven up the atmosphere. Loves to make people laugh and have a good time. It also seems he has had to settle some conflicts and/or at least seems a bit awkward with conflict. E.g He was an MC for a P1Harmony for a series and when the group started to get a bit rowdy once, he seemed very unsure what to do. The other members have also spoken about how Inseong has a hard time saying "no" to other people, indicating he is probably a bit of a people pleaser.

It could also give him a Cancer MC, with Sun and Mercury in 10th. Seems quite fitting for him. Career is important for him as he's always working on and pursuing many things (musicals, idol work, variety shows, even pursuing his college education when he was juggling all of this work).

Possible Libra rising and Gemini venus could explain his flirty and talkative nature to the others, especially as both are air placements (mentally energetic and analytical). Quite affectionate and shameless in pursuing and showing that love.

Possible Aries moon in 7th with Aries 7h could explain Inseong's affectionate nature to his members. This placement also reminds me of the time in an interview some years ago where they were asked which member they would date. Inseong chose Youngbin as he believed Youngbin would protect him. 7th house Aries tends to be attracted to people who seem strong and protective.

___

Other analysis:

MBTI | Enneagram

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Kpop astrology masterlist

[poeisatransfemmelesbian]

I’m writing a fic where I have a chapter in Kunikidarling’s pov, and I was wondering if you have any tips on that

Hmmm I guess it depends on what he's doing. I haven't written him much, but when I have it's been him dealing with the consequences of being around Dazai and absolutely despairing.

I apologise in advance because this turned into a mini Kunikida character analysis (?)

I need to read the Dazai's Entrance exam light novel at some point, but from what I've read from Untold Origins he sees flashing lights/passes out from stress (mainly dazai induced, but lets be honest he's probably under constant stress)

From that, I think it's safe to say that Kunikida shows how he feels outwardly/experiences physical 'symptoms' of things (eg the passing out) a lot. Like, when he got that phone call from Dazai in the OVA to say the person who made his notebook was visiting, he started excitedly pacing around (and absolutely stimming), so he absolutely reacts physically to positive things too

I've just started thinking about if Kunikida had cataplexy, and how interesting it would be to make that a part of his life. I know this isn't what you're asking about exactly but shhh:

"Cataplexy is the term given to sudden muscular weakness triggered by strong emotions such as laughter, anger and surprise. The loss of muscle tone that occurs may range from a just-perceptible weakening of the facial muscles through weakness at the knees, to total collapse on the floor. Speech may be slurred, and eyesight impaired (double vision, inability to focus) but hearing and awareness remain undisturbed." (From the Narcolepsy UK website)

Oh! The whole Dazai torture rant! He'd absolutely have an unhinged inner monologue. If I were to write something from his POV I'd make him think of creative ways to get rid of people (like how Fukuzawa wanted to throw child Ranpo into the ocean). In his rant he mimed choking Dazai, so it'd be entirely possible for him to accidentally catch himself throttling the air when he's stressed

Tbh it seems like while he wants to make sure his environment is controlled, he isn't that good at keeping his emotions dialed down (and he shouldn't need to. Let Kunikida be expressive). Spiltash called him autism coded I think, and I 100% agree.

And ooooo how he speaks! People acted surprised when he told Atsushi to grow some wereballs, but that wasn't the first or only time he's said something harsh like that (let Kunikida say fuck 😔). Whether or not it's intentional, he's quite blunt with his words and is NOT afraid to say something potentially 'rude'. This reminds me of him a lot:

Like yeah he's absolutely professional and I think he speaks quite formally, but he would absolutely tell someone to shove a pencil up their ass

Ahhhhh I don't know what else to add. A strong sense of morals with set expectations, blunt communication, really good with kids, physically expressive so easier to describe actions-wise.

In conclusion, good luck and just put your entire kunikidussy into it!

[writing-and-rebloging]

Who is your favourite so far in what in hell is bad?

And Opinions and thoughts on the four Kings?

Uh... Hi! And thanks for asking! (did you ask every blog that posts about WHB? It's fun seeing the difference in opinions, tbh) anyway! This isn't going to be short, but I hope it's fun!

Let's see... Out of the Ars' it's probably Eligos, easily. I mean, look at him, he's cute, clingy, wants to be loved, easy to bully. An all around pretty boy. What else can I ask? That he also likes being roughed up? Sitri, Leraye and Bael come as close seconds too

As for the kings... Let's start with Satan!

Fluffy. Hair. I just love how it makes him looks like a lamb. And I completely agree with what someone said about the contrast between the suits of the nobles and his funky track suit, and the fact that he looks like the most approachable of the kings. He seems to be a more relaxed, easygoing one considering the "drinks with lesser demons" and the few snaps of him and Sitri. I think we will see four distinct sides of him: the respectable, dutiful king; the easygoing dude you can have a tea beer with; the scary, threatening demon who will remind us not to get too cozy and finally, the most intimate, "dude is Depressed" side, the part of him that lashes out to prevent tears, the part of him that can't quite gather the strength to get out of bed, the one that will gather a collective "I can fix him" reaction.

He's capable of blood manipulation, too, which is a very interesting, creativity oriented power and fits his overall theme to a T. AND, he is canonically a switch (likes both giving and receiving spankings)! His bath card, too. He looks really pretty and delicate in that one.

All in all, I love his design, and I think I'm going to like him a lot once the game is published.

Mammon! Now, I have a few gripes about him. Starting from Obey Me!Mammon, who kinda fits on every other thing I absolutely love to see, minus the financial irresponsibility. So the bar is kinda high, because I keep comparing how much I like OM!Mamms. There's also the fact that Mammon is huge. It's an artist choice, yes, we see that with how narrow Satan's shoulders are in his cards, and the fact that Leviathan should have a more princely figure instead of really really broad shoulders. It makes sense, with Mammon, because he is pure muscle, but it's just not my type in general, and he is specially broad, as seen on his cards, past the point of the usual buff characters I like. So yeah, high expectations + too much muscle is a rough start. And then there's the feet, but I'm pretending I do not see, because that seem like something that will show up a lot.

On a more positive note, I like how they went a different route with him. He's not consumed by the need to have it all, because everything already belongs to him, and he is "generous" and "benevolent" instead, "letting" people have this and that. He could come across as a douchy, entitled ass instead of a dorky, soft idiot, so that's to be seen. Hopefully it's the second 9/10 times. He sounds like a ruthless fighter, too. Not my fav, but I don't hate him either. 7/10 ig? His tits are massive tough, and I love that. Hope he's as dumb as his tits are big.

Oh! I like his design, too. The way he creates gold from his own body, how regal his clothes look, the claws and rings, the gold and black, broken horn, really pretty! And gives a little variety. You can appreciate the twinks better with a massive dude like him around. The mirror selfie is so far my favorite card of his so far.

Levi time! He's pretty. Really pretty. He looks like a prince, and I dare say he likes degradation. Once again, the Obey Me thoughts stike, but they feel vastly different as well. He's not a shut in otaku, but he is canonically agoraphobic (afraid of open/crowded spaces), and likes shutting himself in his coffin. He has a coffin, too! He sleeps on a coffin! And he likes getting choked of all things! Which, someone pointed out in the whb tags, is actually a risky practice, but it fits him perfectly.

I like Leviathan, probably my favorite king of the four, but I do have to say that his horns remind me of a deer more than a coral reef, and his overall look doesn't help with that. Still, the suits, the dignified demeanor, his gloves... I like the style, and I want to ruin him because of it, which fits with the overall vibe we get of him so far. He wants that. Craves it, even. And I know there's a lot of self hatred (and love, in a twisted way, which someone else kindly pointed out) there to play with. The fact that he has a harem, and probably indulges in it to some degree or the other is fantastic too. And I love me a summoner.

The free (play store) pre register bathroom card is definitely my favorite of his, but the selfie one is also beautiful. I'd say his are the prettiest cards so far, but I'm biased. Hope he has some snake things going on, since the Leviathan was a biblical sea snake/dragon/creature, and envy is often represented by the snake as well. Wouldn't complain if we can call him a doe though.

Last but not least... Beelzebub.

His purple gems things on his pants need to go. Asap. It's just... No. The shoes are not my cup of tea either, and the pants could use a tear or two on the other leg to balance things out. The rest of Beel is actually really pretty. I like the whole tattoo and piercing thing he seems to have going on, and his horn is a favorite of mine. I love how it's implied that his food is Not Edible by anyone but him, too. It's fun that he's probably a terrible cook, considering the main outlet for gluttony is food.

He is described as "lovely", although he looks more like a little shit (positive) and I can't picture him as someone kind, yet, but definitely someone fun in one way or the other. He seems to be craving the happy chems that traveling give him, and in a loop of tossing things at his brain until one sticks for long enough to stop the Shitty Feeling. He is also the embodiment of gluttony, so it's likely that he never gets enough of it, too, and that he just wants more and more. Seeing different places, meeting new people, trying different things, doing new things, even when everything moves at a neck-break pace that he can't keep up anymore until he burns out, and then rinse and repeat. He and Satan probably struggle with their own heads a lot, too. I don't quite like his fetish, though (ironic, given that Bael has the same and he is in the top 5).

He's... Not my favorite, really, and it probably shows. But he's not terrible, and I appreciate him a little bit more after this. My favorite card of his is probably going to be the one where he has to get a shot. He looks pretty when he cries.

[earlgreytea68]

okay so i have fallen headfirst back into fob w smfs and having that album drop coinciding w finally being in a place where I can just! buy tickets!! and see them on tour!! And i did and it was AMAZING

part of falling back into this has been lurking on fob/peterick blogs again the way I did back in HS, and yours brings me so much joy! what a lovely community you’ve cultivated here, and i adore your fics sm as well—I’m systematically working my way through each one

so a lot of love your way <3 i do need a bit of a second opinion though—I’ve been working myself up over trying to figure out if I can see them again while they’re touring for smfs. There’s a part of me that worries that this might be the last album—the same part that was the most upset when they were touring for MANIA and i couldn’t make that show. SO i would love to hear if you’ve got any thoughts re whether my fears hold any water—or if you think I should chill out, enjoy the ride of keeping up w this tour, and be secure in the fact that our boys aren’t going anywhere any time soon

Hello! First of all, yay, welcome back, and thank you so much for all of your kind words!

I know that there were a ton of rumors this was going to be their last album and they were going to call it quits after this, but having heard the album and watched them promote it and then seeing this tour they're putting on...it seems so unlikely to me???? They just don't act like a band who's done, who doesn't have anything more to say. Like, when Patrick talks about Fall Out Boy he's so very clear that it's, like, necessary for him to have, that it's the art and creativity that he does because of how much he loves it, not a job, and it would seem weird for him to talk that way, so vocally, if there was any inkling in his head that this would be the last time he would have it, you know?

And Pete has been the less vocal one this cycle, and we know he was the one who was reluctant to do another album and undertake another tour, but he has seldom seen so genuinely happy as he has during this tour, he seems to be loving every second of it.

And Joe came back and also seems delighted to be back.

Idk, I do not get the feeling of a band with any intention of winding down. They feel completely reinvigorated and reinspired and ready to go. It would not at all surprise me if they're already writing the next one, we know Patrick and Pete like to write while on tour. And I think they've really enjoyed being out of contract and having total control back, I really think it has opened up the horizons of what they want to and can do. Plus their fanbase has turned out for them loyally and so I don't think they are getting any kind of message that they're not wanted or needed anymore.

So Idk, I think in my heart of hearts there will be another album and another tour eventually someday.

All of that said, there will probably be people who will disagree with this life advice, and please always do what's best for you and your financial situation and life situation, but also: life is short, and uncertain. I didn't get into Fall Out Boy until the Mania tour was just wrapping up, and they announced they were going to play a random festival in Cincinnati and I agonized over going and finally decided to do it and I have to be frank, that weekend in Cincinnati was one of the best weekends of my life, I think about all the time how wonderful it was, the show was incredible, and it was the last concert I saw before the pandemic hit and I spent all of that time just being so incredibly grateful that I'd gone to that Cincinnati concert because otherwise I would have regretted it forever.

If you are in the incredibly lucky and privileged position to be able to afford to do something that you really want to do, and doing so will not bankrupt you or send you into a debt crisis or harm previous commitments you need to keep or, etc., etc., like, if the only argument you can come up with against doing something is "Idk, would this be ridiculous????," Idk, I think I'd err on the side of doing the thing. That's not just advice for Fall Out Boy concerts. You get to do this life thing once, and it goes by so much faster than you can possibly anticipate. If something's going to bring you joy, that's pretty precious. Take it where you can get it.

[artemis-entreri]

Sorry if this is a dumb question, but can you please post links to your review of Lolth's Warrior? I love your reviews and can't find your Lolth's Warrior one. Thanks!

[[ Greetings!

Not a dumb question at all! ^_^ The reason that you can't find it is because it doesn't exist. XD In fact, I still haven't read the book yet, and I don't know when/if I will. I'm thinking that this is a good thing, as apparently even among the most diehard Drizzt fans there have been some very negative reactions to Lolth's Warrior, more so than ever.

If you follow me, you've probably noticed a significant drop in my activity. I've been greatly enjoying investing my time in other things, which is something I've been wanting to do for a while now but my brain wouldn't stop being hung up over these characters. It's no secret that I've been tired of Salvatore's BS for a long time, but I was too invested in the characters to be able to move on.

I think what finally helped me flip the switch is WotC investing a shitload of money to make Drizzt products, especially with whitewashed Artemis even though it's 2023. With the context of them also giving the excuse that they couldn't pay the other creatives who worked on their setting at market standard rates in the past along with their actions with the OGL earlier in the year, well, suffice to say that while I haven't respected Salvatore for a long time I did respect WotC, however after everything that happened this year, that has changed. I'm not sure how much WotC execs are responsible for the recent mass lay-offs, which in itself is really bad, but the fact that Mike Mearls was finally let go doesn't really help WotC's case for me because it only serves as a reminder of how Mearls wasn't fired earlier for assisting his sex abuser friend (he was instead quietly shuffled to the video games division for a while). When Mearls returned to the D&D division, about half a dozen female D&D staffers quit at the same time. This says to me that WotC cares more about a male sex abuser supporter than they do about all those female members of their staff, and it makes me question whether they care about women and oppressed groups in general. I've really started to question how much hypocrisy is present in their making a huge show of being LGBT+ inclusive; recent D&D products do indeed include a lot of LGBT+ representation, but how much of that is due to Jeremy Crawford having to fight to get it in there each time? How could WotC continue to march in Pride parades with pomp and circumstance while allowing the Mearls incident to have transpired?

When the OGL snafu happened, a friend made the comment that WotC may have had its ups and downs in the past but overall was generally viewed in a positive light by many, but that the OGL fiasco has probably bankrupted them from a "good will" perspective for a while. This is basically where I'm at with the company now. I still care a great deal about Ed Greenwood and the authors who penned the works that led me to fall in love with the world so hard, and while I still play D&D and care about FR, I'm at a point where I feel like WotC has demonstrated a clear lack of regard for their own Drizzt franchise, so much so that they don't even bother to get basic facts about one of its primary characters correct. As such, what's the point in me continuing to care? While I also don't care about how WotC feels about me as an individual fan, I've long been distasteful of how dismissive they are of their most dedicated fans, the ones who have spent hundreds of thousands of unpaid hours curating the (in)consistencies of their universe that they themselves can't be bothered to maintain. I can understand the reasons for WotC actively instructing their creatives to not use the FR Wiki, but it's painfully obvious that those creatives including Salvatore still use it to keep their facts straight because there is no comparable official resource for them internally with the company itself. Furthermore, the stuff that WotC is continuing to do suggest that they have no intention to change that, quite the opposite in fact. It was quite eyebrow-raising when WotC compared their D&D franchise to the Marvel universe, because what makes the Marvel universe so compelling and successful is the very self-consistency that WotC is trying to do away with in D&D. A big part of the reason why Marvel movies are loved is because it's the same characters that recur, and you never know if a character from a different movie will show up in the movie you're currently watching, but it's always a delight when they do. And, of course, it's so epic when all of those storylines across many different movies all come together and culminate in truly astounding ways. Despite the usage of an infinite multiverse in Marvel, there's this big sense of consistency, which is what makes the franchise so impressive and compelling. Marvel's world is everything that D&D's is not, at least in D&D's current iteration. Even though many different stories across a shared world is part of the draw of FR for me, I don't need D&D to be like Marvel, however because WotC made that comparison of the current D&D world to the Marvel world, I can't help but feel like WotC is more talk than action. I'm not at all saying that D&D isn't a quality product, it's just for me the shine of WotC is no longer there.

I think the biggest indicator for me that I was ready to shift my focus was my lukewarm reception of Baldur's Gate 3. It is everything that I hoped for and more for a current generation Forgotten Realms/D&D video game, and yet I was just ok about it. Here is FINALLY something that I spent so many years dreaming about, getting more and more hungry for it following the flops of Sword Coast Legends and the Dark Alliance reboot, but when it finally happened, I was just ok about it. It's a fantastic game and 110% deserving of its awards and its huge fan acclamation, and yet I was just ok about it. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoyed the game, but I can't see myself playing it again.

I'm still happy to help and support the people in this fandom, be it by answering lore questions, suggesting novels to read, pointing the way to resources, or with more serious matters. I don't know how much new content I'll make though, I've got a bunch of WIPs in terms of art and writing, as well as miscellaneous drafts containing information about the world, but I don't know if I'll ever feel like finishing them/polishing them up to post. It's very freeing to no longer feel compelled to read each new Drizzt book because the drop in quality with each new installment has really been immense, and I'm a lot happier not spending those hours consuming really badly-written media. I do feel bad for no longer providing for those who want to know what's happening in the newer books but don't feel like reading them and who want to know a non-sycophantic summary of them, but hey, maybe someone will step up and fill in the summaries for the books. I'm not really sure why none of the diehard Drizzt/Salvatore super fans have undertaken the task since Hero. Wikis are editable by anyone, but the Wiki staff do try to make sure that everything is objective and factual.

If you're trying to find my old stuff, I'm sorry that my tags are kind of all over the place, I never got around to organizing them better. 😅 I *think* I've reblogged all of my LoD art to my otp-jartemis sideblog, but now that I look at it I see that's probably not the case. If you like my art though and want to continue seeing it even if it's not in this fandom, it'll be on my non-fandom specific blog: sno4wy.tumblr.com

This isn't goodbye, as I'll still be here now and then, I just won't be as invested, which is honestly a really great feeling. :> ]]