#and yeah !! im getting fucking tired !! but im not backing down !!
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⠀ ( drabble ) such a bitch ̨ ! ୨୧ 一 김선우 ՞
⸃ ⸰ ⌁ sunoo getting tired of your attitude ヾ
nerd!sunoo・ meangirl!reader g ・ smut cw ・ rough sex , degradation, unprotected sex wc ・ 0.8k | click to library
request. popular mean girl and is partnered with sunoo. realizes sun is hot af and tries to make a move on him thinking he's sub/innocent. plot twist: He's not and he ended up being the dom when they slept together.
「 ୨୧ authors note 」 i hope you like it , mean dom noo is my favorite 😋
he tried barging with the other students; pleading to do their homework for them, hell he even offered money to anyone— anyone who would take you as their partner, but as he walked up to your huge house , ringing the doorbell , he wondered what he did in his past life to deserve this.
“she's upstairs.” your maid said; sunoo nodded. “careful , she's in a bit of of mood.” when are you ever not in a mood? he made his way up to your room, your door was open. “don't just stand there and look stupid , come in.” he came in , holding his bag. “sit.”
you pointed to your bed; he sat down. “you're late.” he lowered his head. “i-im sorry i got caught up.” you scoffed. “i didn't ask , let's just get this over with so you can leave.” he wanted nothing more than to leave. “o-okay.”
you sat back watching him do the work , picking at your fingernails , texting the idiot you called you once called your boyfriend. “fucking dumbass!” sunoo jumped , hearing you toss your phone across the room , that motivated him to go faster with the project.
you watched him work , taking in his features, he wasn't bad to look at. “you a virgin?” you spoke up. “h-huh?” he stuttered at the sudden inappropriate question; you smirked , dry laughing. “of course you are , who'd fuck you?” he gulped , still trying to focus on the work. “you're not that bad if you look past the shabby close and the glasses.” you said running your fingers through his hair. “st-stop please.”
“why? don't tell me this turning you on little mouse?” your red paint bottom lip caught in between your teeth as you tease him. “please don't call me that,” he said. “i guess it is.” you smirked , running your manicure nails down the back of his neck , you saw him shift. “i'll fuck you.” you said so directly. “i-im okay.” he said , slowly losing his composure. “why not , it's not like anyone else is willing to fuck you.”
his finally straw is when you reached for his pants button. “i said stop.” he grabbed your hand. “let my hand go.” you gritted through your teeth , “i swear i will kill you loser.” throwing his stuff to the floor , pushing you on the bed, grabbing your hand pinning them above your head. “why are you such a bitch?”
he was straddling your waist , pinning your legs down. “i didn't want to be here in the first place , just wanted to get this stupid project done and get out of this house but i can't because you're too busy being a slut to pay attention.” he spat at you. “fuck you.” you hissed. “yeah i bet you do.”
you had to admit the way he was talking to you turned you on , the wetness in between your legs becoming unbearable. “you want me to fuck you?” he said. “i'll fuck you , and then afterwards you sit the fuck down and help me finish this project so i can leave.” he grabbed your cheeks. “understand.”
you nodded , and he got off of you , taking his pants down , pulling your shorts down. “spread your legs.” slotting himself in between your legs , dragging his cock along your folds. “so wet.” you were surprised at how big he was , he was full of surprises. “so desperate, it's embarrassing.” he pushed himself inside. “fuck!”
he wasn't gentle either; in fact his pace was rather brutal , holding your neck as he plunged into you. “fuck!” he hissed. “for a whore , you're pretty right.” you whined. “n-not a whore.” hia grip on your neck tightening. “yeah?” he said. “then why are you begging for my dick while you're in a suppos relationship? only a whore would do that.” he pounded into you. “such a bitch to everyone.” he cursed , slapping your already abused cunt.
pulling out of you , flipping you on your stomach , lifting your lower half up into a arch , before pushing back into you , slapping your ass. “fuck! gonna cum.” you screamed , he kept pounding into you. “i shouldn't even let you cum.” you cried out. “no please , please.” you begged. “shut the fuck up.” he slapped your ass again. “i'll let you cum , but you better hurry -fuck- because im about to cum all over your back , after i cum i don't care if you don't.”
you felt the knot in your stomach snapping legs shaking as you came , yelling his name as he continued to fuck you. “fuck im cumming.” he pulled out of you, stroking his cock until he came on your ass. “sh-shit.” your body worn out on the bed as he got dressed. “look at you fucked out.” he scoffed.
“clearly we aren't gonna get anything done , we'll continue tomorrow , and this time you come to my house and without the attitude.”
©LUVYENI
#enhypen x reader#enhypen x female reader#enhypen imagines#enhypen drabbles#enhypen smut#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#sunoo fanfic#kim sunoo smut#sunoo x reader#sunoo smut#sunoo scenarios#kim sunoo hard hours#kim sunoo x reader#sunoo hard thoughts#sunoo hard hours
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guys when the disability is disabling 👎
#sorry stupid vent post <3#im gonna be angry in the tags here for a second#im just. idk. sick of being aware of the fact that im getting worse.#i had a week off from work for moving and school purposes#and now that im back i am . oh boy 👍 not great#literally passed out this morning which . thats new. dont like that.#hopefully its just a . one off thing. i dont know. but. idk.#something something capitalism something something ableism something something im tired of this grandpa#i am tired of being in pain <3 im tired of feeling like im falling behind constantly and like im letting everyone down#by just not being able to do the things i feel i should be able to do.#and like. also currently looking at wfh jobs bc i do not think my body can handle school and work and having to stand and walk and stairs#that much . every single day.#and i feel bad about that too bc i transfered to this store ! i put in work to be here at this store and my fucking body is giving out !!#its not even bad. its a much quieter store than the one i came from. everyone ive talked to is nice. the manager is understanding#and i hate that i feel like im just. deteriorating. and failing at everything <3#but like whatever . its whatever. i know its just the. internalized shit of 'yeah but im not bad enough to warrant this'#like ! fuck !#idk. things to bring up in therapy i guess <3#ok goop night sorry for this. i wont be deleting bc fuck me if i ever delete a post. cringe is dead or wtvr
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thinking thoughts
#mia's ramblings#thinking abt that one time i was so uncomfortable with my friend's pda thing that i left them behind at the koi pond#like i literally just. stood up. started walking away#i still have no idea why it made me uncomfortable and even now just thinking about it makes me sick#for some reason idrk#also thinking about those times where i was so mentally exhausted from everything that i didnt have the energy to stand up so i just#didnt go to school#obviously i told people i was “sick” or “masakit pakiramdam ko” etc which i mean#its a half truth? atleast ???#and thinking about how i just want to avoid Her bc i do Not want to be dealing with their relationship problems at 6am but yk#the moment she starts up conversation i just#put those thoughts at the back of my head and pretend like im not fucking tired of her bullshit#i could be so. mentally drained. to the point that i just avoid everyone by going to coop on my own or going to 7-11 just to Breathe#but the moment someone talks to me like jack or salve or heck even kui my brain just. forces itself to act “normal” and by normal i mean no#-mentally drained yk?#like the moment literally anyone starts talking to me the thoughts of being mentally tired just get pushed back and idrk how to tell people#-that im mentally exhausted without sounding rude so i just#let my brain just bottle it up until im so tired mentally that i literally cannot function#i think its called being overstimulated? yea#which yeah basically this shit happens every. day. until my brain just goes nope youre shutting down no school for today also youre getting#-a fever too#which like??? idk why it happens???#and its not like i dont want to talk to them either#like#obviously i do#but talking to anyone when im like this makes it feel like an obligation#which fucking sucks because i dont like being obligated to do stuff i just want to do it because well#i want to??#and i feel bad for peewee bc usually he'll talk to me when im at my limit so my responses are very short and yea#this is why i always say 'im tired' whenever people ask how im doing
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ignore this.
learning to shut up when i dont have anything new to say to the discussions my mutuals are having about the treatment of the female characters in this show and fandom
even though ive just gone ahead and rambled in the tags a bunch of bullshit
#lohst.txt#they're all so right#because this fandom has had problems since the beginning#its always about the boys#the fics and the art and everything#and the fact that a large portion of this fandom is obsessed with the squip. the ACTUAL villain. yet would wish a 16 year old girl death#yeah. chloe did some fucked up things. yeah. dywh is an awful situation that was not handled well#(because this show has awful writing. you guys have been saying that already and youre right)#but come on. y'all act like the other characters did nothing wrong#if the writers would have cared to put actual depth into these characters#i havent listened to the source material in. a while. and i never got around to watching any other boot other than two rivers#i dont know what im saying#it was so easy to join bmc rp servers because no one ever picked the girls#did that mean i was left out of the rps? mostly. yeah#i mean. those servers always had the same rich and jake so we'd team up#but the jeremy and michael would barely give room for anyone else to interact with them#i used to have some discussions with someone about the flaws of this show and how the girls are constantly ignored#(back when i had sort of dipped out of the fandom)#anyway im never one to get involved in discourse directly#i support my mutuals and reblog art and post my silly little fics#mostly because im always too tired to put a lot of thought into any in depth analysis#(even though i have alot of thoughts on chloe and fairytales. which has nothing to do with this whatsoever)#everyone else has said it so much better than what i can currently come up with rn#but the way that the girls get watered down to one personality trait (this includes madeline). and are always used as background characters#the way there was so much christine hate at one point because she got inn the way of boyf riends#i looked chloe up on pinterest the other day out of curiosity#and there was so much hate#everyone likes christine and brooke#theyre the nice girls#the ones that get watered down to innocent and naïve and the mum friend of the group
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i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)
#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw vent#cw vent post#cw health#cw heart#i’m so stressed :) i am soooo fucking stressed and my body is Suffering because of it#i want to just lay here and stare at the ceiling but. maybe a little venting will help#sighhhh wish [N]MbD Sun were here to obsessively fret over me#he can be mean about it idc. at least i’d have someone acknowledging how bad things are for me#sometimes i wonder when the last time was that my body Wasn’t in fight or flight to some degree#have i Ever actually relaxed#hhhhhhh c-ptsd is a bitch#anyways there’s so much to vent about but i’m. doing my best to be vague. i need to be more vague about things#a lot of stuff i can’t vent about anyways. it’s too personal#so instead i’m gonna complain abt how i haven’t been able to play Genshin or Star Rail for nearly a month now#and about how slowly my back is recovering. it’s like every time i re-injure/have a flare up. it heals.. worse. slower and lesser#i dunno how it’s ever gonna get better. truly better. maybe i’ll live with this forever#if being fat is the problem which is definitely partly is. then yeah i’m fucked#all of my problems just make each other worse and i don’t know where the way out of it all is#every time i think i’ve found it i’m wrong and i just make it all worse#anyways as soon as i figure out how to strengthen my core without breaking my back. it’s over for u bitches#‘u bitches’ being uh. all of the shit that needs doing that i cannot physically fucking do right now#i miss being able to sit down. and i’m Regretting de-converting my standing desk back to sitting bc now. i cannot use my PC#which means i can’t fucking do a some of my work or play my silly little gacha games and i’m mad abt it#i’m mad abt a lot more serious things too but again. can’t talk abt it so i’m gonna focus on trivial shit instead#anyways. sorry as always to everyone i haven’t spoken with lately. and in general. i’m so drained from the Everything that i just. can’t.#it shouldn’t be this hard for me to stay in touch w ppl but. it is. guess i’ll add that onto my list of things to be stressed about#i’m so tired of everything man. and i hate being so negative and mean when im stressed & in pain. makes me feel like im becoming my father
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i miss the era of internet where all we got were anime fansubs made by people who had the time to do what they enjoyed
#translations of everything have started to suck more and more each passing year. everything is rushed out so quick theres no time to#localize literally anything#this is specifically the OFFICIAL dunmeshi anime subtitles saying theres not going to b a duck with an onion or something#ok. that wouldnt have even needed localization. you just didnt translate the fucking thing. you cannot take a saying and directly translate#all the words in it and expect people to get it#also theres a culture of ppl who know a language being like 'uhm. why did you translate it like that when it literally means xyz'#like yeah sure i'm sure translating everything directly ignoring the original prose and flow and meaning is going to be great#yakuza is the only game series i trust to b translated properly tbh. bc of the safe sects joke.#i wish ppl hiring translators a very pay them more and give them more time to work#is this rant even coherent. after ages i managed to fall asleep around 4 am and sleep a whopping 2 hours before waking up#and then i tried to go back to sleep bc i am so incredibly tired but then the clock hit 8 am (i have one of those clocks that chimes every#hour) and i just gave up and decided i need to write down what ive been thinking about for#the past half an hour#though i feel this is missing over half the context i thought of but idk bc im so very tired gdhwbfks
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i have obtained a SIGNIFICANT and POTENTIALLY CARCINOGENIC BIOHAZARD and im BEYOND EXCITED ABOUT THIS
#the bhiohazard in question? a couple of nastyass turnouts!!!! a jacket and some pants!!!!!#yeah theyre sitting abt three feet away from me but dw!!! theyre in a big garbage bag so its ok ^-^#basically the EMT program (that im almost done with. as a side note but woot woot) is selling their old student ambulances#since theyre a bitch to maintain and we have a newer indoors simulator (its like. the back of an ambulace built into a room)#(like the back and one of the sides are open and it doesnt have a drivers compartment (duh) and no tires but is otherwise a Real Ambulance#which we use for practicing)#anyways so these old student ambulances gotta get cleaned out before they can be sold yeah?#and as it HAPPENS!! theyve been storing a SHIT TON of nasty filthy smelly turnouts in there for the past While#like probably 12-16 Large garbage bags full#(for those who dont know: turnouts are what those fucking. firefighter uniforms are called. like the ones they wear In Fires)#and they dont know what to do with them so theyre gonna get thrown away next week#so my TEACHER!!! was like 'yall if anyone Wants any of that shit you can literally just help urself'#so i went down today and poked thru some bags and GOT STUFFS!!!#anyways i am excited not only bc Turnouts Cool but ALSO bc theyre Super Fucking Insulated#bc theyre meant to be worn inside Massive and Super Hot fires#which yeah protects u from extreme heat but my GENUOS BRAIN also realized this: they would be STUPID COZY in cold weather#and i happen to be moving to a rather cold part of the states in a few months!!!!#so now i have free winter gear and its EXTRA SEXY STYLE#however u CANNOT clean turnouts at home bc#a) they gotta be washed with Extra Strong Industrial Fucking Machines#(called 'extractors' not 'washing machines')#and b)#they can and WILL leech nasty fucking toxins from structural fires into your machine and contaminate everything forever <3#so ive reached out to some 'send away' turnout laundry services#idk if theyre gonna do it tho cuz um. im Not associated with a fire department <3#so if that fails ill just do the best i can at home!!! <- research mode Engaged#either way theyre sexy and Yes i can still smell them despite them being bagged in a Super Rugged Industrial Manly Garbage Bag#(i didnt tie it super tight)#btu thats ok whats life without Danger <3#whatever the fuck
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sigh. i have seasonal affective disorder
#brot posts#both my psychiatrist and therapist have been like hey. your depression gets worse in the winter time#and only now today am i like. damn. yeah#now that im on zoloft im not like depressed per say#but holy mother of god i am so tired. so tired#emotionally and physically#i used to think i always got fucked in the head during september-february because of like school and chronic sleep deprivation#but now that im regularly getting 7+ hours of sleep every night AND not in school anymore#i must say. theres no other explanation now#like i literally keep falling asleep everywhere i can get 9 hours a night and still fall asleep as soon as i lay down#no motivation just sleep#waking up in the morning is so fucking hard#and im kinda back into that ‘i dont feel any emotions’ stage of mental illness#but like hey !!! i said this last year when i hit rock bottom#being numb and not having any emotions whatsoever IS VASTLY PREFERABLE to being in a constant everpresent state of suicidal misery#so like emotionally im just chilling. im just sitting here. me being numb and unfeeling is actually a net positive all things considered#but physically. by god. im so sluggish and so so tired and sleeping does not help at all
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bagged a trial shift at a new pub just for my manager to immediately put on facebook if anyone wants an extra shift on wednesday. he knows what im doing
#he said GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE RN#lmfaoooo the notif came through literally as i put the phone down i was like 😳😳😳#like that 'CONNOR' tiktok audio like no king im not doing anythinggg haha wdym#anyway im a bit annoyed that the first place to get back to me from my applications was this one#bc im pretty sure their pay is still minimum wage and also my cousin worked a trial shift there once#and not only did they not pay him but they also never called him back or even emailed to politely turn him down#literally just used him for free labour and that was that#word of warning from a very tired waitress if ur thinking about starting: always take trial shifts with a pinch of salt#if the trial shift is longer than 2 hours they really really should be paying you and if they dont the odds are you got mugged off#also the woman on the phone after i said i worked at the place i currently work at was like 'and do you still work there?' SHE KNOWS#and when i said yes she was like 'would you be willing to leave?' HOW CAN I BE TWO-TIMING BOTH OF YOU RN#LYING TO ONE JOB ABOUT SEEKING ANOTHER JOB LYING TO THE NEW JOB ABOUT LEAVING THE OLD ONE COME ON NOW#IM NOT BUILT FOR THESE LAYERS#but yeah summary here is i have a shift at my actual place on wednesday (thank god i havent had work in over a fucking WEEK)#and i have a trial shift at a new place where i'll most likely be offered a job. life is picking up#ALSO i have enough money to change my america flights bc basically something came up with that and i need to change my return flight#and i was originally rlly worried bc the change cost was £161 and that piled onto my current no-shifts stress was Not Fun#but ive been working a lot for my mum and i got paid for the shifts i HAVE done and it all kinda fell together anyway#the way everything is sorting itself today within the same HOUR yet ive been stressing about these things for days now#hella goes home#hella slaves to capitalism
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i have bad melted soup brain today and i hate it
#i have never really felt like just disappearing off of the face of the earth and not talking to Anyone before but i have been thinking of it#a lot today! which is wild bc not my normal isolation thought but today it seems good ahahahaha#i am just. tired. i feel like i am not listened to ever and i feel unwanted as hell lately which i know in the back of my mind i am not#unwanted but boy do it feel like that lately lol. and i’ve been back on my ‘im gonna die alone bc nobody ever will love me how i love them’#bullshit which i have Not missed but it is come back full on ! soooo fun for me hahahahahaha i love to feel miserable about being unwanted#by those around me!!!! love it sooooooooooo much weeeeeee i totally don’t wanna slam my head through a window!!!!#also just in general lately i have felt like people talking to me is a chore to them bc nobody around me has been having actual conversation#it’s all been shit ass one word or one sentence replies from everyone or they talk about what they want and not acknowledge what i said and#i don’t even know what to do about it. i just don’t even want to talk to anyone now bc i feel like they literally don’t want to speak to me#and they don’t care what i have to say clearly bc they don’t pay attention and then bring up what i said says or weeks later like i never#said anything and it’s like hm wow yeah i fucking told you about that??? maybe if you pay attention you’d have known that but it’s fine !!!!#I’m just. tired of it. i am fully understanding of everyone having lives and doing their own things they need to do. but this is like. fr#different. like it feels so much different than that and i don’t get it and i don’t know what to do !!!!!!! i feel like i’m going Nuts#anyways if any of you wanna stick me through a meat grinder i would be forever thankful and you have the rights to take anything i own after#what this boils down to is my autistic ass is like everyone is not doing their normal thing!!! everyone is off their normal talking schedule#with me!!!! this must mean they fucking want me dead!!!!!!!!!!!!!! bc they went off script/pattern and not in a way they have in the past#that indicated that they just are struggling to reach out! this is different and bad and they want you out of their life!!!!!!!#which is ridiculous but what the fuck am i to do about it bc i will be thinking this until i basically am told otherwise by these people. so#that’s soooo much fun i love brains they’re so silly i wish i could jump at a wall and stick to it until i just slowly peel off and onto the#floor. anyways. hope everyone else has a good night
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things have not been normal. im so tired.
#i nap all the fucking time cause im so tired and my body is like making me get rest one way or another but then i wake up#and everything is still just waaagghghghggh you know. i am fucking sick of it!#i am not just a normal amount of tired i have been on the verge of shutdown since at least mid semester hanging on by a fucking#pinky nail like im going to be fucking insane. i NEED a break. if i need to check into a psych place to have that happen so be it#one way or another yall will leave me ALONE.#tired of people holding it over my head like when they've done shit lately esp when it's bc of how badly ive been fucking struggling#im not just being lazy!!!! im losing it!!!!! and that makes me feel like i cant reach out or rely on others cause i'll always fucking owe#them something or im always gonna be on thin ice in potentially fucking things up#like i need two seconds to get back to myself i need time to reconnect i cant fucking do this anymore#i love myself i dont like how im acting rn bc im just desperately in need of a break#and god yeah fucking arent we all but i need someone to see that it's bad and just. Be with that. not shame me or make me feel like shit#or fucking less of a person or like i need to like Bring it down a notch or whatever idfk.#just kind of saying things now. i need to journal and cry i think.#abby talks#i dont LIKE napping my days away i dont like not having time to do things i enjoy other than like laying around watching stuff#or being on my phone but i have genuinely not had it in me to do anything else.#anyway. i think i seriously need to be okay with being 'meaner' aka just prioritizing MY feelings and being ok if people r mad at me#cause it honestly feels like ive gaslit myself so many times into thinking im crazy to the point where i struggle in the most basic#situations. uggggghh.
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I got a job in my field but I had to turn it down because they simply weren't offering enough money. It's beyond insulting to be offered minimum wage when I have a master's degree and relevant work experience.
#i hate it here#they were also like#overtime is expected in this role#fuck that#yeah maybe i'll regret this down the road but i have to at least try to find something better#if i have to give up on working in this industry then so be it. i'm tired. i have rent to pay. i have student loans.#i don't have the option of moving back in with my parents or having my parents pay my bills#which is what all of my friends in my program are doing! literally everyone i know!#this industry is broken & like every 2 weeks theres some new thinkpiece about how to attract minorities to this incredibly white industry#hmmm they just dont seem to be interested what are we supposed to do#PAY THEM. PAY US.#im a white cis immigrant w/o rich parents and that alone is enough to put me at a disadvantage and leave me unable to accept job offers#that simply aren't paying a living wage.#i don't really know what I'm going to do. keep looking i guess.#i'll probably also apply for jobs outside this field. i guess it was stupid to get a degree in it but fuck me i guess#for wanting to do something i love and not predicting massive inflation and skyrocketing rent costs#meanwhile wages in my field have actually gone down ~3%#it's not sustainable. i don't know what to say.#end rant i guess#sorry if you read this
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“how was ___” “it was good” but everyone is distraught and traumatized
#long tags lol#tw throwing up#boyyyy so i was just sleeping basically this entire 5 hr roadtrip bc this weekend tired me OUT#i open my eyes a little bc yk when the car stops ur like what up and it was traffic#Then i turn to my right and my little sister is throwing up in a paper bag#im like whatt the fuck am i seeing this right#i tap my moms head to let her know her daughter is puking behind her bc shes not reacting or nothing#then she rolls her window down allllll the way so im like Cool she knows shes trying to air this place out!#oh yeah mind you my little sister and i are in the third row of the car luggages all around us shes sitting behind the seat that goes down#i have no exit point whatever happens in this back row i gotta breathe it live it be it#so my sister is sitting there w her paper bag and im like damn uhh shes not stopping this keeps going#she stops for a second to hand me a plastic bag w her shoes in it to open it then she goes back in and im like Shit!#her hands had throw up and now theres throw up on my hands while im trying to open the back w her adidas shoes#and she says oh no my shoes! before she has to accept the inevitable and hurls right on them#turns out the bag w her shoes had a hole in it… shit is all over her shirt and pants and seat and shoes#this is all happening very quickly by the way so the short traffic is done my dad is pressin on the gas w his life tryna get us home#no clue the absolute massacre going on behind him#i have to yell three times dad! can you pull over! his hearing is bad#my siblings r gagging acting like theyre the ones going through all this yelling at my little sister like shuttt the fuck up#my mom is like there r wipes in the bag behind you#so ok my dad pulls over my little sister absolutely covered in her own puke#im sitting there breathing through my mouth just handing her a shittt ton of wipes and new clothes#she changes her clothes in the middle seat and i start cleaning the seats fml#i get a new plastic bag from someone to put the wipes in and that has a hole too so some gets on my pants fml#we clean everything up and drive the rest of the thirty minutes back home#my siblings have their little masks face right out the window#i have absolutely no defenses against what just happened i put my face in clorox container#we get home my dad leaves us to pee but whatever and last but not fucking least the canelles drop all over the street
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why does scheduling my work days give me so much stress and anxiety
#i was supposed to do my first day at the high school today but i had literally so much anxiety i could not fall asleep last night no matter#what. i had so much dread. i took so much melatonin lol.#i could shut my brain off till i went into the application and deleted my schedule for the day#ive just been feeling so fatigued and exhausted since i got covid it's crazy. sometimes i'll have bursts of energy where im productive#but yesterday i was just so tired from loading the washing machine. just. fucking sorting clothes and putting them in#that i had to lie down on the floor for a few minutes in the middle of it#not my finest moment#tales from diana#i didn't have anything scheduled for tomorrow and i thought 'maybe if i feel better tonight ill call in'#but i dont feel. super better tonight. and the only thing that i could do tomorrow at my preferred school is kindergarten subbing#for like the main classroom teacher. which i havent done before so i figured 'yeah im not gonna get my anxiety up 2 days in a row'#i deserve to sleep tonight after all and i think if i committed to that i wouldnt be able to#but i am going into my elementary school on wed-thur-friday of this week. wednesday is only a half day but they'll probably find smth for me#to do in the afternoon. they usually do. and im fine w that.#idk im just much more comfortable in my elementary school. i guess bc ive worked there before and i went to school there#as a wittle student waaaay back in the day. like i know the building and it doesn't scare me and i know a good amount of kids there#and the staff don't intimidate me. so yeah.#i did schedule my first job at the high school FOR REAL THIS TIME and it's next friday. hopefully ill be doing better by then.#im working the thursday before it at the elementary so i'll be in the rhythm of that. idk how to explain it but it's harder to go back#to work when ive taken a day off. like that's also why im not going in tomorrow.#friday (4/07) was the first day i worked since i got covid and that was fine but also. i was so anxious just to go in.#and so so so so tired when i got home. and all weekend.#yeah i wasn't ready to start working at the high school today. that was nonsense.#hopefully all will go well on wednesday thursday and friday of this week. im trying to restore my energy and fix my sleep. thatll do wonders#i hope. i hope i hope i hope
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fuck man, newspaper time
#two letters addressed to me about how much i was loved#i'm so dmdhdkd#does it give him closure??? i hope so#I'm so tired i keep falling back asleep#i gotta put some food away#man my heart hurts#nothing makes sense and i am so tired#i ache#wanna get my claws in that boy in a specific way#so physically tired though i want my partner in my bed#none of the letters are a reflection upon anything recent or why we broke up. huh#re the claws though.#in some kind of mood about him. im mad n hurt when it comes down to it so i think i should get to fuck him about it . yk how it goes.#the shrimp emotions... . .#i also show a lot of love physically and so i feel like this is the mangled (?) way i feel rn#my brain is like 'oh you're having a problem ? yeah ok . fuck him stupid about it' like yeah ok man whatever#💀💀💀💀
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I basically just had a dream of being back in highschool and i was crying by the end. This is new to me. I haven't been in hs in 6 years
#my posts#my dreams#bc i will explain it but. I'm so tired#something in the dream happened like no respect for privacy and stuff in the kind of fucked up bathrooms your brain makes up while asleep#... at least my brain loves making up fucked up bathrooms in my sleep that's okay anyways#there was a lack of respect for privacy and it made me angry and I'm the dream i sorry if reacted how i wanted to in actual hs i guess#like very violent to the point that at first they were laughing but then were very scared#like i was screaming and pushing and grabbing and stuff and people realized it wasn't so funny anymore#also i realized that it didn't matter what kind of relationships i had there up to that point they were all ruined bc of that#i apparently got changed in class to another and they made me sit in the back with no one besides me and i was very some which is#ignoring the violence that was my hs experience sjrarjtkfyñ#by the end the people that used to be on my life i think were trying to get back in but i was sorta always walking looking at the floor#sliding everyone's face bc whenever i passed i heard whispers that i was sure were about me (normal hs experience)#avoiding not sliding dgmzmy anyways yeah#at some point someone finally breaks through me and shows me something that idk how to describe. like meat and a bonsai? idk#sorta like they make me so anger look at it and they were warn and kind and i fully broke down crying and hugged them fnwmhmwk#it wasnt a random person but this dream is sorta personal even tho im writing it here but this is my blog i tend to post this stuff#but i mean i don't want to write his name i don't want it to appear in the main tags on accident#just know that i dreamt with him once before. also hugged him and cried KDNGRMHM#i wasnt going to make that comment thats why i used they pronouns before but nah its a he#also someone else like related to him was there and i think in a way he was trying to help but it was more him finding a business#opportunity and selling his own stuff at maybe an inappropriate time which i think he just does that sometimes gkwgkkf#anyways yeah i am very tired and i should go back to sleep#also i woke up with tears sorta formed in my eyes fkdkgkdg so i sort of still want to cry like in the dream i guess#its not even that early its 9but i don't have anything to do today so back to sleep
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