#and yes i went through the whole movie matching which scene used which song myself. i made a chart

[ectonurites]

SUPER DARK TIMES (2017) DIR KEVIN PHILLIPS ↳ MUSIC [1/2]

[yasbxxgie]

The Artist’s Way: Writer-director Radha Blank ruminates on creative frustration and rejuvenation in her debut feature, The Forty-Year-Old Version

Fair warning: This interview with Radha Blank isn’t business — it’s personal. Right now, like at this very moment, Radha is being introduced to the world as the writer, director, and star of the remarkable new Netflix film The Forty-Year-Old Version. But I remember Radha in the 1990s, smashing open mics at Brooklyn Moon in N.Y.C., rocking a fitted N.Y. Yankees cap and big hoop earrings. I remember her jumping into cyphers and catching wreck (read: she can dance her ass off) at Club Kilimanjaro. I remember sitting in the audience of her play Seed in 2011 and thinking, Damn, homegirl can write. I remember witnessing the rise of her emcee alter ego and one-woman show RadhaMUSprime at Joe’s Pub in 2014 and thinking, Damn, Radha can rhyme. AND she funny AF. Because Radha was (and is) a part of a close-knit artists’ community, I also recall her hustle, the keeping-the-lights-on-while-trying-to-make-your-dreams-come-true shuffle we know so well. Radha worked as a teacher, she wrote for children’s television and for shows such as Empire and She’s Gotta Have It.

So when The Forty-Year-Old Version won the U.S. Dramatic Directing Award at Sundance earlier this year, the community rejoiced! This wasn’t just a win for Radha, it was a win for the people. Here was a film rooted in Radha’s own story, about a woman at 40; a Black artist trying to get her stories told — as a playwright and as a rapper; a daughter grieving the death of her mother. Radha told her story her way, down to shooting the streets of New York on 35mm film in black and white. The result is a whole, liberating mood. There’s even a nod to Prince’s Purple Rain.

Karen Good Marable: First of all, Radha, congratulations! The Forty-Year-Old Version is amazing. Your success feels so much like a win for Brooklyn. A win for us all. Thank you for writing it. Radha Blank: I really did make it for us — us being Black women, Black women of a certain age, Black women artists of a certain age. I didn’t think I’d be starting a whole new career in my 40s, but I think it speaks to what’s possible if you let go of other people’s ideas of where you should be in your life. If I listened to other people and gave credence to their ideas, I would not be here.

Amen. When you were younger, did you have the boxes to check, i.e., “I need to get this done by 30, I need to get this done by 40”? Were you that girl? RB:

I think I was that girl. And I always say this about aging: It’s never really about the person; it’s about other people’s perceptions that you then take on. I thought by 40, I would be married with a couple of kids, all of my work being published, theaters asking, “Can we do a revival of this play now?” I really thought once I decided to be a playwright, which was probably my mid-20s, I thought, Oh, by 40, I’m going to be set up. I will have a house. And I do have a house, but that came from Cookie and Lucious Lyon. They got me a house.

Come through, Empire. RB:

I feel like we’ve all been conditioned to think that 40 is: You’re an adult, you’re accomplished, you’re established. What me and my character share is there’s still all of these “who am I” moments, questions around identity. Especially when my mother died, I really had to figure out who I was, because so much of my life as a woman, as a person, as a Black American, as an artist, was tied to this woman. When she died, I really had no sense of myself. So I feel like my personal experience propelled me toward telling the story. We just don’t see women of that age saying, What do I do next? Am I happy? Is this enough?

Your mother — curator, visual artist, cinephile, and arts teacher Carol Blank — figures prominently in the film. She is a goddess and a guide, but she also represents a complicated lesson in what it means to be an artist. RB: Oh, listen, I feel like everything I’ve learned, I’ve learned from my mother — from my frustration as an artist to being a teaching artist for so long. That’s where I learned how to be a director, honestly. I didn’t go to film school. I did stand-up comedy and all this performance stuff, and my first example was my mother. She knew how to turn a phrase or a joke to get the kids interested, and if they weren’t, she wasn’t going to push it. I learned from her first, and I tried to match her energy.

I don’t know what my mother went through when she turned 40, as an artist. I know she was a mom of two by that time, but I gathered — especially because she was a teaching artist for so many years — that she was hustling, jumping between these different roles, trying to make sense of something for herself. In that way, I feel like the movie and my journey as an artist brought me closer to her. I was like, Oh, this is what you had to go through. And then you had two kids on top of that?

In the film, your character is also a teacher. As much as she tries to model support and positivity, sometimes the frustration seeps through. One line stayed with me: “Don’t think that because you created something, people will appreciate it.” RB:

Yeah, I have been bitter. I was able to transform that into a film; it gave me a story to tell. But I did feel that theater as an institution didn’t pay off, there wasn’t much of a dividend. I had done a play in 2011 called Seed, and everyone was like, “Girl, this is your breakout! This is your moment! This play is going on Broadway!” None of that shit happened. Theater was not responding in the same way. I was quietly devastated by it, and I think the movie is my exploration of the why. How come things didn’t happen for me? Here’s someone who has been trying for 20-something years and my biggest accomplishment was 10 years ago when I was 30. That’s why I invented the 30 Under 30 award for my character: The idea that accomplishments are amplified by one’s proximity to youth. There’s no 50 Under 50 award. Or 60 Under 60. Being young and doing something as an artist seems more of a cause for celebration. You know what I mean?

There’s also this theme of displacement that runs through the film. In addition to your protagonist feeling out of place in the classroom and in the theater community, she’s also setting a play, Harlem Ave, that deals with gentrification. RB:

So, my parents were gentrifiers in their own way in the late 60s and 70s, when they moved to the south side of Williamsburg, Brooklyn. They didn’t displace people, because what they and their artist and jazz musician comrades would do is take over dilapidated spaces that were considered unlivable — broken-down lofts and factories and storefronts — and create community. There was an investment in engaging the community that came before you, whereas now I think gentrification really is just about an opportunity for the person moving in — “Oh, look at this dope, cheap brownstone that I can get” — with no regard for what came before.

Right. RB: The same thing happens with these artistic institutions: They find a dilapidated space, they revive it and put a million dollars into it. Then when it comes to programming, the people on the stage don’t look like the people outside of the gate. They’re thinking of their silver-haired patrons, because those people can afford a $100 ticket, and that is who I feel most of the theaters cater to. So when diversity shows up on the stage, it’s a version of diversity that protects the audience from feeling bad about racism or sexism. They can still remain in a comfortable place, so they can come back next week or next month and see something for the $300 membership.

But then you brilliantly juxtapose said institutions with the battle rap in the Bronx. RB: I wanted to show these different hubs of art in New York. This film is about capturing an authentic New York experience, and so we shot that battle rap scene at a warehouse space at the tip-top of the Bronx. Art and culture are happening in these spaces that we’re not always focusing the camera on and that don’t have the multimillion-dollar renovation fund of a downtown theater. But this is theater. This is art.

Is that battle based on an actual show? RB:

Yes. Well, we recreated that. Babs Bunny, who people may recognize from Making the Band, created this brand called Queen of the Ring. If you go on YouTube, you’ll see their battle raps. I would watch them because I just needed to see women slaying shit and not being proper or polite. I just wanted to put it into a cinematic world.

Your pen is equally hard-hitting, Radha. Rhymes like “Poverty Porn” and “This Some Bullshit” do so much in revealing character, advancing the narrative. RB:

Thank you. I mean, I feel like if we’re stopping to listen to a song, it should still be about advancing the narrative. We’re still moving forward, riding on this person’s frustration, but into the next scene, next act, or what have you. I think it comes from being a playwright, making sure that everything is earned and not just thrown in there for novelty or because it’s colorful and interesting. I feel like RadhaMUSprime is probably an explosion of her consciousness, the things that she’d been suppressing.But yeah, I’m an emcee. I rhyme. The beautiful thing about the film is I didn’t have to become a professional rapper. I don’t feel like the movie is 8 Mile. I say the movie is 2 Mile,

because she’s not trying to go that far. She’s not trying to be a hip-hop star. For her, hip-hop is a meditation and it shows up in many ways, from the trap beat floating outside her window, to her freestyling in the mirror, or with the dudes in the basement cypher at Arlene’s Grocery.

In some ways, the moral and artistic struggles of The Forty-Year-Old Version remind me of Hollywood Shuffle, Robert Townsend’s 1987 classic. RB:

I appreciate that you bring up Hollywood Shuffle, because I know that because I’m Black and I’m shooting in black and white, people always make the comparison to She’s Gotta Have It. But I feel like my film calls back to Hollywood Shuffle, about a Black artist confronting the white gatekeepers on who gets to tell a Black story and how.

Exactly. And like Townsend, you wrote, directed, and starred in your own first feature film. How was that experience, and do you think you would do it again? RB:

I wouldn’t say I regret being in my film, but I think that there’s probably more of a fascination with my film because I’m in it. And I have too much respect for actors to call myself one. I don’t come from training. I don’t sit in these auditions day after day. I don’t have to endure seven callbacks for a role. I just think that when an audience is familiar with a face, it might make it easier for them to go down the line with this person. So while I don’t plan on being in another one of my films, I do plan on mining my family legacy for storytelling, and on telling stories where music is a driving force.I really want to be an auteur. I’m hoping that my stories get quieter. Very quiet, but very potent. A slow burn, but such a beautiful payoff. I want to make work like that.

Amen.

Photographs:

Radha Blank on set, t & m

Radha Blank with her fellow cast members

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. LXXV

It was a love story from the very beginning.

So Proud Of Him

(12x01)

Hi everyone!! We reached season 12 with these Chronicles and I'm so happy for that!

Hope you enjoy this season because it had a good amount of Destiel on it. *Coughing* Mixtape *Coughing*

This time I will talk about 12x01.

That's True Love

When Dean is trying to explain to Mary that he's her son, and she's back from death, he makes this travel through his own memories about what John had told him the first time their parents met. And because in his memories, he puts that as a story of one huge true love, he repeats it to her. This is the perfection of what a love story should go.

DEAN Dad told me. March 23, 1972, you walked out of a movie theater – Slaughterhouse-Five. You loved it, and you bumped into a big Marine and you knocked him flat on his ass. You were embarrassed, and he laughed it off, said you could make it up to him with a cup of coffee. So, you went to, uh, Mulroney's and you talked and he was cute and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song, so when he asked you for your number, you gave it to him, even though you knew your dad would be pissed. That was the night that – that you met –

We already know about the parallel with the Mixtape here, as a foreshadow of what Dean will give to Cas, for him, Led Zeppelin is a big part of a great love story. But... There's something more too... That maybe Dean feels identify when he compares his parents first meeting with his own with Castiel.

We are obviously talking about LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT between Mary and John, even if we know Heaven had made that match, the mechanism was at first sight. With this in mind , we just need to recall Dean and Cas first meeting in the barn. Obviously, Dean saw the sparkles, and the hot guy, with intense energy and intense gaze, looking at him deeply, he had a love at first sight his own, right?

He names John as a big Marine and Mary knocked him flat in his ass. Okay, so remember Cas is a soldier, right? A huge, big Chrysler Building height soldier.

'And you talked and he was cute' Okay, this is much about Dean's idea of what love at first sight means, or John told him his mother thought he was cute, which... IDK. But... You talked and he was cute, is like you talked and you fell for him, is more related to Dean's experience about Cas. Cas is cute. The more he met him, the more the thought the angel was cute. And no one can't tell me otherwise.

And when he says Mary gave John her number even against her father's wishes, this is expressing Dean's inner fears of what he feels for another man (Castiel) could be rejected by his righteous father. Even so, he developed these feelings. Even so, he will be presenting this angel/man, the love of his life, later this episode to Mary.

But it talks too about Sacred Oath, a very heavy topic in Castiel's heart, and a very recurrent topic in this season and the incoming seasons too. The forbidden love for Dean.

Mom, he's my angel

This is one of my fav scenes from season 12, the moment in which Dean Winchester presents Castiel to his mother.

Gif credit @some-people-call-it-tragic

Before this we have a beautiful Destiel hug, because Cas was thinking Dean was dead, so when he saw him alive, he gave him this warm and full of emotions hug, in which Dean melts and smile, it looked so domestic, and perfect, and intimate that Mary made that grimace of "WTF?"

And then we had the flustered son trying to mocking his angel because is very difficult to present the love of your life to your mom, trying not to show her how much in love you are? Yes, i'm a sucker for this head canon hahahaha.

And Cas' face is like Uh-Oh my mother in law hahahaha, they made an excellent work here.

I can swear than when Mary said "Angels are watching over you," to baby Dean that time, she wasn't talking about this kind of watching 😏.

Let me just talk about this moment here...

Gif credit @kingofthecrxssroads 👇

Gif set credit @destielintheimpala

Just because is perfect, the list and smirk on Mary's face gave Dean the idea of what she's thinking about, and he gets flustered, and why is he eying Cas? Because he's there, when her mother is recalling sex in the Impala, because, hell yes, baby can effort a hot sex scene between two lovers right? More than be awkward because he's trying not to think in his parents having sex in Baby, but, maybe the so many times he had imagined having sex with his angel there... Okay just let me dream, okay? Is my meta I can allow myself to do that. Hahahaahahah.

Out Of Place

This episode opens the door to the parallel between Mary Winchester and Castiel. Both of them share the fact that they feel out of place in where they're.

Mary because she comes back after 33 years, finding that the life she was living was a lie, and her two sons are now adults, and their actions had repercussions on their present. So she's out of time, and out of place.

With Cas, we will hear him say he doesn't know where he belongs yet, but then we will have Dean saying twice 'Let's go home's to him, the first time in episode 12x12, when Cas almost dies, and the second one in episode 13x06, when Cas comes back from the Empty. Even so, Cas will feel he belongs to a family assuming his role as a father with Jack.

Colors and Foreshadows (Visual Narrative)

And because this is Dabb era, we will be full of visual Narrative, with the image of Virgen Mary and Christ, we have the symbolic representation of Mary Winchester and Jack.

The wardrobe colors chosen for Lucifer's victims are a clue of the end of the season. There was a family, dressed on red (rage and toxic Dean) and there was a woman dead dressed on Pink (Happiness). Maybe showing us Lucifer will kill Cas.

Gif credit @some-people-call-it-tragic

Remember when Dean was talking about his mom and dad first meeting and he mentioned Mary thought John was cute? Well... Let me show you where they made a stop to drink something before keeping searching for Sam...

And because this is Dabb, and we know he loves to use scenario and symbolism, the fruit berry in urban dictionary means CUTE AND COOL GUY. A BERRY GUY. And who's the first we see there? Right. Castiel. So. There you go. Just putting the puzzle pieces together.

We will see a lot of people stabbed by the back, and the knife coming out from the front of the chest (heart), like we saw in this episode when Mary Winchester killed Mrs. Watts.

We saw how the only way to break Sam is through his brilliant mind, Bevelle knew it and used it, and gave us a foreshadow of "inside the mind" we will recurrently see in season 14 with the whole AUMichael!Dean topic.

To Conclude:

The first episode from season 12 have a lot of clues and foreshadow for Dabb era, and a huge introduction of Dean's idea of romance (Led Zeppelin/Mixtape) and hints of Castiel's death and Dean's possession by AUMichael.

Hope you like this first introduction to season 12, see you in the next meta!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-deana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@imjustkipping @destielle @agusvedder @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @nickelkit @anon-non2

If you want to be added or removed from this list, just let me know.

Buenos Aires, August 18th 2020 5:07 PM

[frei-und-schwerelos]

“I wanted to understand her” - Willemijn’s interview from blickpunkt’s Elisabeth magazine.

(Translation under the cut. Many thanks to @beautifullmadness for sending me the magazine and to @imdezembervorjahren/need-not for revising my translation!)

When did you first have contact with the topic of Elisabeth and then also with the musical?

Of course with my parents we always watched the “Sissi” movie, but I first genuinely engaged with it when the musical came to Holland in 1999. Back then I was not yet active in the Musical realm, but I went to a performance with a friend and was really excited. Then in 2000 - actually only for fun - I auditioned and found myself in the ensemble for the first time. Pia Douwes was Elisabeth at the time and I was in the ensemble and on stage, for example, I was her Governess (laughs). For me that meant that Elisabeth in Holland was my first meeting with working in a musical theatre production and I thus had the possibility to learn if that was something for me, because before I sung in pop bands. So everything was new for me, but I quickly realised that you can learn so much and I used that by I standing in the wings and watching how Pia and all my other colleagues did it.  

Which memories do you have in your time with Elisabeth?

After I learnt so much from Pia in Scheveningen, I sometimes wished to stand on the stage as Elisabeth myself one day. So the engagement in Thun was a nice challenge to play the role myself. In addition the magical Thun Seebühne (Lake Stage) where actual nature forms the backdrop. When you perform in the evening, the mood of the pieces gets darker and darker, the same way it becomes darker and darker around you, and when you then sing “Boote in der Nacht”, the sun sets. That was fantastic.

From what you say, in your experience in the Netherlands, Elizabeth also worked Open Air.

It worked really well. It was even exactly right for me because the dusk over the mountains matched the scenes in Elisabeth really well. There was no set, so you couldn’t hide, as actors we stood on the stage with the crew who changed the elements for the next scene and that was a great experience.

How was it acting on the stairs and tilted levels of the set design?

So that you couldn’t slip, the areas were strewn with sand, but if it then rained and became too dangerous, the choreography had to be adjusted somewhat. Luckily, my shoes didn't have very high heels.

Did director Ueli Bichsel speak with you about his intention with this very abstract set design and own production?

It was important of course that it worked without having to make frequent exits and entrances from the stage. The abstract set design in combination with the insane natural scenery was just a really harmonious combination and so I think we were taught that too. It was really open and honest because one - as I said above - couldn’t hide. As a result there was also no distractions from the end of the show.

With the stage design and costumes, modern and historical elements came together. Also in my costume were modern facets added to the traditional picture of Elisabeth’s time. It was important of course that it should be wholly different from the theatre versions in order to not make any comparisons. On such a big stage with wide spaces, strong and bright colours were chosen to make the whole thing for visible and eye-catching for the audience. That’s why Death and his followers were red. And what remained in my memory was ultimately about using everything we find - the lake, the mountains and everything in the background - as a space to play with, to include them in telling the stories of Elisabeth.

Was Elisabeth somewhat of a dream role?

Yes, very. It’s a really great role and she goes through such a beautiful development. And her songs are fantastic to sing.

What was important for you to show in your portrayal?

I already knew what was important by watching Pia. You have to play someone who experienced the time from 15 to 61 years old, either you’re somewhat too old or too young, you’re always stuck in between. It’s a big challenge to portray that tremendous development with the role and the voice. I read the book by Brigitte Hamann (Elisabeth: Kaiserin wider Willen) and also made a trip to Vienna, simply to find out more about her. Back then I also saw the Vienna production. I wanted to understand the woman and know more about her before I played the role myself. There was Elisabeth, she isn’t fictional character, so it was really important to me to know where her story comes from.

On that foundation I tried to depict her development in the 30 shows, which is really too little.

You said that you wanted to understand her. What was it like to put yourself in this person?

It’s not easy for a woman today to imagine how it must have been like back then. She experienced so much misery, it’s understandable that she lost touch with reality and didn’t know who she should believe anymore. I can only imagine how it was as she lost her child and wasn’t allowed to see Rudolf and basically had no more freedoms.  I don’t presume to really understand but you can imagine that it had not been easy.

Did she love Franz Joseph?

I think in the beginning. She was only 16 years young and probably really naive. She believed that it was true love. So I clarified that to myself. But then she had to grow up really quickly

You’ve already said yourself that Elisabeth isn’t a fictional person. Is it more difficult to play a person who has lived?

It’s more difficult in the sense that I have great respect for her and would like to show what drove her and want to be close as possible to her real story. There are so many books and other things about Elisabeth and you would like to take as much knowledge about her as possible before you play her. At the same time I believe it makes it harder. With a fictional character you can draw more from yourself, with Elisabeth you have to really slip into her skin.

(Already translated this part about if the part was a challenge)

How was performing together with Christoph Goetten as Death?

It was great. I never knew him before and had always seen Stanley Burleson as Death. Chris plays Death wholly differently and it was so much fun. We were supposed to show the desire for one another and it’s important that we understood each other.

Is there a favourite scene or song that you especially like in the show?

What I always found especially moving, even in the ensemble in Holland, is the song “Nichts, nichts, gar nichts”. I found it really beautiful and heavy at the same time because everything is totally hopeless for her and she doesn’t know anymore what she should do. I find showing the hopelessness in the situation in this song fantastic. I found this scene really beautiful when watching it and then also playing it myself.

Do you have a theory as to why the Elisabeth has always been previously played by a Dutch woman?

No, I often ask that myself and of course have also been asked. I personally think it’s a big coincidence. But if anyone finds out why that’s so, I would also like to know. (Laughs)

What is the myth of Elisabeth for you and why does it still reach so many people to this day?

I think a reason is that she’s just not a fictional person. People find that really interesting and it doesn’t matter in Holland that it’s a story from Vienna that they see on stage. That’s what makes it so appealing to me personally, that it’s a true story. I believe that it’s also the contrast between what you expect as a beautiful story of a princess and her real life, and that also makes you think. Sometimes beautiful appearances are deceiving. Furthermore is music by Sylvester Levay simply wonderful and beautifully written, and Michael Kunze described incredibly well how Elisabeth played with Death again and again. It’s so dark but simultaneously really moving. Because of these points, I think Elisabeth is fascinating.

[ordinaryschmuck]

What I thought about WandaVision

Y'know, it's kind of crazy to think that it's been over a year since we've been given any content involving the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Marvel Studios announced so many great movies, on top of new TV shows that actually impact the story, way back in the summer of 2019. But then 2020 happened. Resulting in everything, and I mean everything, we were promised getting pushed back for another year. So, when it was finally announced that the series WandaVision was, at last, ready to be released, fans were both excited as well as skeptical. Because the first thing that would reintegrate us back into this franchise would be a show about how two Avengers are stuck in a sitcom. It might be new, long-awaited content, but it also doesn't sound all that interesting. Could a story involving two characters who have yet to stand on their own be enough to carry a brand new adventure? Well, for eight whole weeks, fans were given that answer. And personally, I will admit that WandaVision might have been better than anybody could have ever expected...for the most part.

(Final spoiler warning if you haven't seen the show yet)

WHAT I LIKE

It Just Goes: This is easily the best way the series could have started. We are given no context about what is going on. We're just shown that Wanda and Vision are currently stuck in a sitcom, and that's it. By making it a mystery, fans are given this sort of interaction with the series as they find clues and come up with theories about how and why this happened. Sure, some assumptions were more far fetched than others (did people think Mephisto was confirmed just because of one misinterpreted line involving the Devil?), but it still makes the show a ton of fun to watch. Plus, even when we're given answers, it's only tiny pieces of the puzzle. We're always given a chance to figure out the bigger picture, resulting in an image that is, I'll admit, somewhat satisfying to see. Just as long as you ignore the crybabies who get upset that their favorite theories turned out to be wrong.

The Homages are on Point: I also love how straight the cast and crew play with the idea of two superheroes being stuck in a series of sitcoms. Everything they use fits in the era each sitcom takes place in. With things like camerawork, set design, special effects, acting quality, tropes, and even theme songs, everything works as a proper homage than just having two episodes in black and white and the rest in color. Each new sitcom that Wanda and Vision are rebooted in feels so genuine, to the point where they seem like they could be actual shows that could have existed. Seriously, my dad showed me stuff like The Dick Van Dyke Show when I was a kid, so trust me when I say that the very first episode nails the style that it's honoring. Not only is it charming as all forms of hell, but it also works in making these moments when characters break from the spell (get it) all the more jarring and even disturbing at times. Because when you're so keen on watching what seems like a fun and cheesy sitcom, you feel a bit unsettled when a character suddenly acts in a way that's a tad foreboding. Still, it's fun to watch and is easily the central hook for what makes this show work.

The Comedy: The homages also nail the comedy that came from each type of sitcom. The jokes fit with each period, from the cheesy and charming 50s to the cynical and dry 90s and early 2000s. It's another thing the writers play straight with, and I think it works. The only jokes made by most stories like this are just pointing out that these serious characters are stuck in a silly sitcom. Instead, the writers tell jokes that work for the period it's in, and it is all genuinely funny if you're used to those types of goofs and gags. If you didn't laugh, that's because the comedy isn't trying to reach out to you. It's reaching out to the people who actually watched these types of sitcoms. Or, in my case, the type of people who had their parents show them these types of sitcoms. And even then, I still think there are these lines and deliveries that are still funny even if you don't get the joke. For example, there's this brief moment with Vision and a toy baby that got a genuine chuckle out of me for how absurd it was. I wasn't expecting to laugh that much, but on top of the many surprises this show gave, being funny was definitely one of them.

“My husband, and his indestructible forehead”: He...hehe...hehehehahahaHAHAHAHA! AH! HA! HA! HA! 

*Slowly starts sobbing*

>Squeaks<

I see what you did there.

Paul Bettany as “Vision,” “Vision,” and Vision: Can we give Paul Bettany a round of applause for basically playing three different characters, each with their own varying levels of emotions and purposes? Because goodness gracious, this man is a champion! I've seen tons of people praise Elizabeth Olson for her performance as Wanda, and to be fair, she does do a fantastic job...aside from one blatant issue (which I'll get into later). But as great as Olson is, Bettany still deserves some credit. Throughout most of the series, he has this level of comedic-timing that I didn't even know he was capable of, by going ham or just having a dry wit. Seriously, was someone going to tell me that Paul Bettany can be funny, or was I supposed to find that out for myself? On top of being hilarious, Bettany delivers such raw emotion that none of us would have ever expected from this character. That screaming match “Vision” has with Wanda shows the very first time that any version of him has ever been angry, and Bettany does a great job at making that moment as jarring as it needed to be. And that's just from playing one version of the character! I didn't even talk about how he nails the naive yet still wise Vision from the flashback in "Previously On" or the cold and robotic "Vision" from "The Series Finale." Bettany has range, and WandaVision is a great show that proves how. One just needs to have the right amount of vision to see it (HhhhhhhhhhhHA!)

Developing Wanda: But as great as Paul Bettany, and to a lesser extent, Vision, is, Wanda Maximoff is clearly the star of the show here (And yes, I know that it's Wanda who's the character and Elizabeth Olson is the actor, but...I'll get into it!). If WandaVision has taught me anything about these Disney+ shows, it's that we are finally going to get some long-awaited development to characters that are starved from it. And Wanda definitely needed it. Don't get me wrong, Wanda was great in past movies but wasn't that compelling of a character. Here, trust me when I say that the opposite is true. 

We are given a deep dive into not only Wanda's morality but also her psyche. The writers really play around with how scary Wanda can be. As well as questioning if Wanda has the capability of being evil. Because, yeah, what she did was not right. True, our "heroine" was going through some rough s**t, but that doesn't excuse the amount of torture Wanda put the people of Westview through, no matter how unwittingly. Just look at that scene where everyone grills Wanda about what she's doing to them, not only pleading for whatever compromise they can get and even begging for her to kill them instead. That is dark! That is the darkest concept the MCU has ever offered, and the ending of Avengers: Infinity War exists!

But, while it doesn't entirely excuse everything, there is a reason why Wanda did all of this. You see, throughout WandaVision, Wanda goes through the five stages of grief. It all starts with denial as she pretends to live in a sitcom that she created where Vision is alive, and they get to even have kids together. Soon comes anger when she destroys anything and physically harms anyone that tries to bring her back to reality. Next, there's bargaining as Wanda strengthens her hex and expands it to keep outsiders out and keep Vision in. This leads to depression as the weight of all of Wanda's actions finally sinks in, and she's forced to realize the damage she's causing. Until all of it ends with acceptance, as Wanda finally, finally, gets to say goodbye to Vision. Something she never really got when Thanos ripped the mind stone out of Vision's forehead. It's both incredible to watch as it is fascinating. Wanda, through the course of her own little spin-off series, just went from a decent character to one of the most intriguing to dissect in the MCU. And we have this show to thank for it.

The Commercials: These commercials offer three things.

They're more homages to classic television, each product and filming for each one honoring how commercials looked in each era.

They offer more of an insight into Wanda's psyche as we see how each commercial shows bits of her history, regrets, and deepest desires. You see all of the above in the Lagos' paper towel commercial.

There are neat bits of foreshadowing of what's to come, like how Hydra Soak ends by saying it's for "your inner goddess" or how the 90s commercial ends by saying Magic isn't meant for the weak.

With all of that, these commercials are as fun to analyze as they are disturbing as hell.

The Dinner Scene: This was the moment it was clear that WandaVision wasn’t going to just be fun and games. The second that "Mr. Heart" starts screaming at Wanda about why she and Vision came, it becomes clear that the whole wacky scenario our heroes are in isn't as harmless as we all thought. And when "Mrs. Heart" playfully tells her husband to stop it when “Mr. Heart” starts choking, only to desperately scream at Wanda to stop it, audiences begin to piece together that the people of Westview are prisoners--no--victims. As for Wanda? She's the unknowing dictator forcing them to do what she says. And it was this scene that I knew I was going to really enjoy this show.

The Blip Scene: And it was this scene that made WandaVision skyrocket into top-tier MCU territory! As much as I love Spider-Man: Far From Home, I will admit that making a joke with the concept of something like the blip might not have been the best move. But showing the chaos of everyone coming back all at once? On top of showing the confusion that a person would have from being told that a five-second nap was five years? Yeah, that's more in line with what we want.

Returning Characters: Not only was I surprised by the fact that these pretty minor characters in the MCU made a return at all, but I was also shocked to find out they work better in this series than they did in their respective movies. First, there's Monica. Not only is she reintroduced as a brand new hero (with, admittingly, confusing superpowers), but she also works as the anti-Wanda. Both characters had someone they care about dearly die without getting a chance to say goodbye. The difference is that Monica doesn't have the abilities Wanda does and is instead forced to quickly accept that her mom is dead and won't come back. She even admits that she would bring her mom back if she could. But that just makes Monica the perfect person that Wanda needs. A person that understands where she's coming from and tries to convince Wanda to do the right thing, no matter how hard it is. Monica's methods may have been a tad bit sloppy, but she is still ten times more intriguing than that little girl who screwed around with the color scheme on Captain Marvel’s suit.

Then there's Jimmy Woo, who is both funnier here than in Ant-Man and the Wasp, and actually shows signs of being a competent FBI agent. A step up, I might add, from the hilariously incompetent character we saw in his previous appearance.

And also, Darcie is here...and still slightly annoying...but at least she still has a couple funny lines here and there! Which is more than I can say with Thor and Thor: The Dark World.

In my opinion, it's a good move having these characters with pretty small roles in vastly different stories make a return. It shows that they are not limited to their one little corner of the MCU. And that they can branch off into taller tales that suit them perfectly. It's pretty cool, and it makes me wonder what other small characters could make a triumphant return.

Billy and Tommy: These two are...fine. Billy and Tommy give me Zach and Cody vibes sometimes, the kids playing them do a decent job, and they both offer some great emotional moments. The problem is that out of the list of characters that WandaVision introduces and reintroduces, there's not much to talk about with Billy and Tommy. Honestly, the only reason why I briefly mentioned that I like them is that I don't want dozens of people crucifying me for not saying anything about them. I don't hate them, but I don't much care for them either.

Evan Peters as Quicksilver: Although I would have loved it if it was Aaron Taylor-Johnson who made a return, seeing Evan Peters in a good Marvel movie again is more than worth it. He plays a much more fun version of Quicksilver while still nailing the sibling relationship the character has with Wanda. In a way, it's a lot like how Marvel cast J.K. Simmons as J Jonah Jameson at the end of Spider-Man: Far From Home. It's admitting that no one could have played the character better than this one actor and briefly making fans happy in the process. While also not doing something crazy like having it be the exact same Quicksilver from the X-Men movies. Only f**king idiots would believe something like that...

...

...But hypothetically speaking, let's say some people were stupid to believe that. While making an outrageous claim that the writers "lead them on to doing so." In which case, I will say the same thing that one would say when friend-zoning someone: "Nobody led you on to s**t. You were just too busy focusing on what you wanted to see instead of what you needed to see."

Because there was no evidence that it was the same Quicksilver other than the fact that it was the same actor. And, hypothetically speaking, if there were dozens of crybabies who were upset about it not being the same Quicksilver, then I have so much more respect for this character being nothing more than a boner joke. Because you did this to yourselves...hypothetically speaking.

Retconning Wanda’s Powers: ...I'm ok with this. Retcons happen all the time in the comics, as well as in movies and television. It's just a matter of making the retcon believable enough where there are few holes in what you're telling people. As for Wanda apparently having magic this entire time, but the mind stone amplified her powers? I can buy that. Besides, it's an acceptable excuse to make Wanda as powerful as she is in the comics (from what I've been told), so like I said, I'm ok with this.

“I can’t feel you…”: ...That's fine. I didn't need my heart anyway.

“Vision’s” Talk with “Vision”: Forget the horrible CGIed battles. I want more of this!

Now, I put both Visions in quotation marks because while they're both the same character, they're also...not the same. Which is, funnily enough, what this scene is: A philosophical discussion between two versions of the same android about what makes them both/neither the definitive version. One may look the same, and the other may be the same body, but neither "Vision" really is the true Vision. However, the fact that these two stop their fighting so they can have this discussion in the first place helps secure that while different, they are still the same. It's a thought-provoking discussion, and it is ten times more interesting to watch than Wanda and Agatha's CGI fight in the sky. Although it is kind of odd that White-Vision just peaces out the second Hex-Vision gives him a reboot. But hey, that's for the future movies to deal with.

“Thank you for choosing me to be your mom.”: >Deep inhale<...Girl.

Wanda Saying Goodbye to Vision: >DEEPER INHALE< HOOOOOOOOOOO BOY! I did not expect this much emotional turmoil from f**king WANDAVISION!

Joking aside, this is a well-handled scene. It's incredibly emotional to see these two characters say goodbye to each other as their arcs come to a close. "Vision" peacefully leaves knowing who he is in the world, and Wanda can finally start moving on as she gets to say goodbye to her one true love. It's as bittersweet as it is beautiful.

WHAT I DISLIKE

MCU logos flashing in every episode: You know how CinemaSins has this bulls**t excuse about how the MCU opening logo wastes time to get to the good stuff? This is the only instance where that's applicable. Because the opening logo was cool to see again for the first episode, but having it play in every single one after breaks the immersion when trying to binge the series. It's for a couple of seconds, sure, but after a while, it does get pretty annoying.

Elizabeth Olson as Scarlet Witch: Now, to be clear, I have no problems with Elizabeth Olson's acting ability in this series. She juggles being funny, heartbreaking, and threatening so well that I am likely to laugh and cry with her as I am to s**t my pants while in her presence. Elizabeth Olson does a great job with this character. The problem? Well, in the comics, Wanda Maximoff is Roma, and Elizabeth Olson...isn't. This means that WandaVision, and the MCU as a whole, has a bad case of white-washing.

I could go on about the issues this brings, but I am not as educated about this subject, and all I know is just stuff that seems like common sense. For instance, I believe it is more than reasonable to hire an actor of a specific race or ethnicity for a character who is of a that same race or ethnicity. But that is as far as my knowledge and personal stance goes, and to expand on it would be too much of a risk because I have no right to criticize the representation of something I am not a part of. So instead, I'm going to point you to @earnestdesire‘s blog and Jessica Reidy’s article on the subject. They do a great job at discussing the issues with Olson’s Wanda and pointing to the issues the MCU has in representing Wanda and Pietro's representation in the comics. And they do it in a far better way than I ever could have. So check them out to truly see why, despite doing a great job, Elizabeth Olson should not be the person donning the suit.

It Was Agatha All Along: AND I STILL F**KING HATE THAT!

I know, I know, I am in the minority on this one. And I still don't understand why! To me, Agatha has all of the problems that Hans has in Frozen. Sure, there are hints if you pay more attention during a few select scenes that are slightly questionable. Like how she refers to Wanda as "the star of the show" or coincidentally shows up with a dog house for Sparky. However, much like how Frozen didn't need a villain like Hans, WandaVision didn't need a comic book villain like Agatha. The story was perfectly passable as a personal conflict involving Wanda's grief where the only obstacle was the director of S.W.O.R.D. and his agents. There is nothing Agatha adds to that.

"But she helps Wanda find out what happens!" Yeah, but Monica could have done the same thing by actually breaking through to Wanda and calmly asking what happened. From then on, they could have worked things out together by having Wanda retrace events that transpired through the information that Monica knows as well.

"But Agatha helps Wanda realize what she's doing is wrong!" So could Vision! He could have shown up, did that mind-meld thing to the townspeople, and Wanda would finally learn what she was doing was wrong through the person she trusts the most.

"But Agatha helps Wanda learn that she's the Scarlet Witch!" Ok...but did that need to happen in this series? Because when you think about it, when the central conflict is all about exploring Wanda's grief, throwing in this narrative about becoming the Scarlet Witch has little to do with anything. Meaning that if you cut it from the story, little would change other than cutting a CGI battle that everyone agrees is the worst part of the series.

The most Agatha adds to the story is a secondary conflict that could easily be cut, and the overall quality would stay the same, if not better. And that is a problem. Agatha needs to add to the central conflict in a way that no other character could have. Like, give her a reason to be involved in Wanda’s life that goes beyond feeding off her magic and leading Wanda to her destiny. Because as is, even if you argue that Agatha is a good twist villain, she's a villain that really didn't need to be here.

Director Haywood: But as much as I don't like Agatha, I think we can all agree that Director Haywood is the worst villain in the MCU. Because one issue that Haywood has is a lack of motivation. For instance, why does he try so hard to write off Wanda as this supervillain? It was never explained, and for something so bizarre and crucial to his character, I feel like it needed to be. It would be passable if he was motivated out of fear and ignorance, but Haywood goes so far as to misedit security footage to prove his point. And I don't get why.

Is he sexist?

Did Wanda not show up at his kid's birthday party?

Did he secretly want to use Vision as a sexbot and didn't want Wanda to get between them?

I don't know, and I'll never know.

Plus, on top of having no motivation, Haywood is just forgettable. Agatha may piss me off to no end, but at least I'll remember her. I honestly forgot Haywood's name half the time, and I'm willing to bet that you did too. Case in point, his name isn't even Haywood. It's Hayward. And in the off chance that you didn't even know about that misspelling just proves my point about how forgettable Hayward is. While it's one thing to be hated, it's another to be forgotten. Because that just means that you left so little impact that you aren't even worth getting upset about.

------

And that is what I thought about WandaVision. If I had to base this off my usual score, I'd have to give the show the same 7/10 that everyone else gave it. Because there's a lot that I love, but the stuff that I hate is so problematic that it takes the WandaVision down on a couple of notches. It's still a fantastic series with a solid story, a great message, incredible acting, and phenomenal character development. It's just that not everyone is going to be willing to tune in as much as you might think.

[razanartuk]

about me tag game thing

i was tagged by the wonderful @nothingunrealistic! thank you very much ily <3

under read more bc i was not capable of keeping my answers brief this time around

why did you choose your url?

this...was supposed to be a short explanation but it turned into quite a tale so strap in i guess because we are going on a ride. back in 2017 i was just getting into musical theatre rp and i was still feeling too shy to really talk to anyone ooc so i would just wait for people i wanted to interact with to post starter calls so i could just do things in character with them the easy way. So i did this with my friend cam, who posted a starter for me using a lyric from If I Could Tell Her. she linked the song so i could listen to it, so i did and i went ‘wait a minute, is that Ben Platt from Pitch Perfect?? (and other things too, but i only recognized his voice at the time bc of the acappella girl movies)’ and yes it certainly was.

i had zero idea what the plot of Dear Evan Hansen was about at that point, and for some reason based off Just That One Song and the poster art of who i assumed was Some Guy in a Polo Shirt i started to think it was about some jock guy who broke his arm and had an emo/goth friend who had either died or gone missing under mysterious circumstances. also i intuited that Evan had a crush on his friend’s sister but he couldn’t tell her that directly or his emo friend would kick his ass. so i was like mostly wrong, but a little bit right.

oh and i knew jared and alana were characters from the show bc cam said that they were i think?? but i had no idea what their role was. so after listening to if i could tell her, i listened to good for you and all i really got out of that was that evan the apparently not-jock guy had done...something... that really hurt jared and alana. and at that point i finally decided to go look up a plot synopsis and i found out i was waaay off base. but honestly this is why cast recordings should include scene dialogue in the songs bc otherwise you just get soundtracks like dear evan hansen where the songs have like. zero context. we really just go from waving through a window to for forever to sincerely me without like. any reason as to what is happening huh. It’s honestly not a surprise anymore that all those people on twitter had no idea the plot isn’t about gay teenagers.

anyways. cam was writing jared and she made a post at one point about wishing somebody would write alana and i was like ‘oh i could do that!’ (after i had actually Seen a bootleg and finally knew what the whole story was, of course) so i made a multimuse rp blog featuring alana beck, nabulungi hatimbi, chloe valentine and some other characters, and cam started sharing her headcanons with me that alana is trans, jared and alana were close friends when they were little kids but they sort of drifted apart as they got older and their priorities in life changed, jared was the first person alana came out to when she realized she’s trans, etc.

one night i started talking about wanting to pick a more theatre-relevant url for my blog and trans-[character name] urls were getting pretty popular, and at least 3 of the friends i made through rp had changed theirs to coordinating trans-[character name] and i think it was cam suggested i should make mine be trans-alana so i did. eventually i realized the unhyphenated version was available so i changed it to transalana with no hyphen and i have lived here ever since. sometimes i think about changing it but i feel like transalana has become a part of My Brand and i am not so great with coming up with cool names for things.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

in theory, i have sideblogs... i don’t really use them, but of the ones i do have, there is:

emsbookblog - this was supposed to be where i would post excerpts of the book that i’m working on, but i think i did that maybe one time roughly 2 years ago and then promptly forgot about it/got nervous about my writing and was scared to share anything else. the rest of the stuff that is there is assorted writing tips. i don’t really know what to do with it now. i probably should post all my little thoughts about em and anita and caleb there instead of infodumping on my main from time to time, but if i do that then i have to promo a sideblog and direct people over to it which is always annoying to me when i could just do it on this blog which is much easier

dearnovelhansen - this is basically no longer used, but was a sideblog i made specifically to talk/complain about the novel adaptation of Dear Evan Hansen which was about 3 years ago?? maybe? i can’t be trusted to understand the passage of time. but to summarize: i thought it was an honor just to have the story be made more accessible since many of us couldn’t see the stage performance, but i hated a lot of the creative liberties that were taken. my main grumbles are that everyone who isn’t evan or connor is done so dirty in the novel. connor’s still kind of done dirty in the book, but not as much as like. heidi, alana, jared, and zoe are.

horseisle3 - this one was meant to be a place where i could just enthusiastically post screenshots from hi3, but instead it turned into a blog where i occasionally reblog other players’ hi3 content and bitch about how bad the game admins are bc hi3 is the tumblr famous (infamous?) homophobic horse game. the game where it was once okay to call your club store the gulag bc according to their head of hr, ‘it’s just a russian word for prison’ but you can’t say ‘im gay’ without somebody accusing you of corrupting young children who play the game. unfortunately there aren’t very many good interactive horse games out there, so this one is still about as good as it gets. it’s either that or star stable and i don’t care about star stable.

mlaenie - i’ve had this url saved for i don’t even know how long. way way way back in the day when i wanted to escape from the clutches of the onceler fandom i abandoned my first blog where i basically had an alter ego i guess?? and i decided to just be myself on the new blog. i don’t fully remember who came up with it, but one of my sister’s mutuals suggested that if you scrambled the letters in your name you could come up with aesthetic-looking urls. so lauren’s url became lrauen, and to match with her mine became mlaenie, which i abandoned on tumblr after about a year or so? but have continued to use as my main username on twitter, reddit, youtube, xbox, steam, and discord. i barely ever use any of these accounts aside from twitter, steam, and xbox, but yeah. so i’ve decided to try and turn this empty sideblog into a place for video game thoughts maybe. we’ll see how long it lasts this time around.

how long have you been on tumblr?

i made my first tumblr account in december of 2010, but i didn’t understand how to use it at all or how to customize my theme to look cool and unique so i quickly abandoned it. i made a new account in september of 2011 after some kids at school and my sister told me i should and i have been trapped here with varying degrees of activity/inactivity ever since. i have witnessed the rise and fall of the lorax/onceler fandom, hyperfocused on lord of the rings, star wars and back to the future all at the same time, and for the past 4 years i’ve mostly been a musical theatre blog with assorted other fandom stuff mixed in. i feel i have seen everything and nothing, but mostly i’m just tired and bored.

do you have a queue tag?

no bc i don’t use a queue. i’ve tried using it in the past but i irrationally feel pressured to sustain a coherent theme to queued posts and my brain simply does not vibe with that so i just don’t use it at all anymore. Instead i instantly reblog or post several unrelated thoughts in succession and then don’t post again at all for 3 days. the way god intended

why did you start your blog in the first place?

my very first blog was intended to be a place for me to post all of my petz 5 animals’ profile info, but i didn’t have any understanding of how coding worked at all and i don’t think i really wanted to learn, either. so it just sat there, unused. my second attempt at blogging was as a classic rock fandom person, so as you can probably imagine i was pretty pretentious about ‘modern pop’ vs the beatles, the rolling stones, the who, the monkees, and so on. and then i slowly devolved into a lorax fandom blog and everything went to shit so i made a new blog for lord of the rings/the hobbit which later evolved to include star wars and back to the future blogging. and then for the past 4 years i’ve been mainly a musical theatre blog with other random stuff i like thrown haphazardly into the pot. wonderful.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because my url is transalana and two of my most prominent lgbt headcanons are that alana beck is trans and a lesbian. i gotta be shouting out @kinqmike though bc she’s the one i adopted the trans alana beck headcanon from in the first place!

why did you choose your header?

in 2017 i was hyperfixating on Dear Evan Hansen (and Be More Chill, but there weren’t many gif-able videos then considering it ran for a month in New Jersey in 2015 and there was only one yet-to-resurface 35 minute bootleg) so i just grabbed a random gif off of google. i really should get to replacing it with a new header of my own though. i just don’t know what i should do for it.

what’s your post with the most notes?

i have lost track of how many notes it has (i think it’s somewhere around 200 now?) but when Will Roland and George Salazar performed Two Player Game on Good Morning America, i posted a screencap of their Jeremy and Michael along with that one quiz answer meme that says stuff like ‘i want to see it grow up healthy’. i didn’t tag it with any ship names or anything because i was anxious about having it show up in the tags, but somebody who reblogged it from me did tag it as boyf riends and i firmly believe it took off because of that. i don’t think i make posts that are relevant enough to amass thousands of notes, even by accident. which is probably a good thing bc if i did i would have to block so many of them.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? 175 according to the counter. how many of those are still real people and how many are bots and abandoned accounts? i have no idea.

how many people do you follow?

i try to keep it somewhere around 200. i think i’m sitting at 180 right now but i kind of need to go through and clear out the really inactive blogs.

have you made a shitpost?

let’s think about this for a second. i’ve been on tumblr for nearly 10 years. you might even be able to say i’ve made more than one. they’re just not what you would call...popular shitposts.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

that stuff makes me so incredibly anxious that i have to fight the urge to want to yeet my laptop or mobile device through the closest window whenever i read it, so i try very hard to avoid any sort of ‘if you don’t reblog this, i’m judging you’ posts. i find them very manipulative and not particularly helpful

do you like tag games?

yeah babey!! i just frequently forget to do them, but please know that if you have ever tagged me in a tag game i felt incredibly touched by the gesture and the @mention even if i completely forgot to do the thing afterward

do you like ask games?

i do! but also rip to literally anyone who has ever sent me an ask meme bc it takes me so long to answer them. i’m still working on a micro fic prompt from a few weeks ago. also, horrified to realized that it has in fact been a few weeks and not 3 days anymore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i don’t know that any are tumblr famous as a whole. but probably @neverheardnothing

do you have a crush on a mutual?

in any sort of romantic connotation? no. not that i’m aware of. there are mutuals that i have friend crushes on where i want to be friends with them but i get so anxious when it comes to meeting new people that usually nothing ever comes of it. i’m really not good at small talk or other casual conversation either which, as you may or may not be able to imagine, sucks. i just wanna skip over all of the awkward introductions and ‘hey how are you, how is life, what are you doing with yourself?’ stuff. not because i don’t care about it. i do, but i think most of my friends/the people i want to be my friends are also depressed and anxious so asking these basic questions about life tends to uh. make us all nervous. and i don’t do much with my life so i always have the most boring answers anyways.

i’m not tagging anyone officially bc the @ thing has just completely given up on me at this point, but if you want to do it, go for it. and then say i tagged you so i can read it c:

[coll2mitts]

#77 Grease (1978)

Slick your hair back and grab your team jacket, we’re hand-jiving our way through Grease, a movie about bunch of hot, self-motivated ladies with their whole futures ahead of them settling for a bunch of schmucks.

Grease is a strange experience to relive as an adult, because it was (as I suspect with a lot of people) ever-present in my childhood, and I didn’t understand the great majority of references then.  This movie was intended as an 8th birthday present from my mother; I came home from school one day and the VHS was sitting on our kitchen countertop unwrapped.  I didn’t recognize it, so when I asked my mom what it was, she feigned confusion for about 10 seconds before she gave up and said, “I bought it for your birthday, I guess you get it early now.”  She promised me I’d like it when I popped it into the VHS player, and she wasn’t wrong.  I hadn’t watched this movie in over a decade and I still could recite the majority of the dialogue.

While this movie is a toned down significantly from the stage show, it is still fairly raunchy in parts.  What is kind of hilarious to me is Grease’s gradual shift in categorization over time as a “kids musical”.  In 5th grade, my sister played Sandy in her elementary school’s production of it.  I asked if she remembered any of the lines they changed to keep things “appropriate” (the Kidz Bopification, if you will) and she responded, “No, I just thought it was weird I had to go out and buy a sexy outfit.”  Conversely, my 5th grade play was about the history of America and I dressed up like Martha Washington.  I’ll never forget the 50 Nifty United States from 13 original colonies... SHOUT ‘em, SCOUT ‘em, TELL all about 'em, ONE BY ONE till we’ve given a day to every state in the U-S-A.  AL-A-bama, Alaska, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Colorado, CON-NE-TI-CUT...

Anyway, do I think it’s weird that a movie about a bunch of horny teenagers has become Baby’s First Adult Musical?  Sorta.  Not really.  I mean, the dudes act like children for the majority of this, so I’m not surprised, at least.  It had, for sure, turned me off from wanting to date high school dudes when I was in high school.  The high school girls, however... we’ll get there.

It’s the first day of school, and the oldest high school seniors I’ve ever seen are poised to take on their last year at Rydell High.  The “T” Birds and their very uncool matching jackets are reunited after a summer apart and their super-senior leader Kenickie, played by the late Jeff Conaway, regales the tale of lugging boxes to earn money for a sweet ride, which you could feasibly do back in the 1950s.  Danny, played by John Travolta, spent his summer getting action at the beach, which he eloquently describes as “flippin’”.  

Frenchy and her new neighbor Sandy rendezvous with the Pink Ladies, who have very cool matching jackets and the unabashed confidence to go with them.  Stockard Channing, who plays Rizzo, is turned off by Sandy’s pure, seemingly holier-than-thou persona, and is dismayed when Sandy starts to describe her sickly sweet summer romance.  Her interest is only piqued when Sandy mentions her hunky date was notorious playboy and Rizzo’s ex, Danny Zuko.  

Sidenote: When I was a child, I thought Sonny asked if her “jugs were bigger than her nets”.  I asked my mother what “nets” were, since I surmised that jugs meant breasts, and she didn’t know, which I thought was weird.  It wasn’t until THIS MOMENT that I realized he was asking if her jugs were bigger than Annette’s.  Who the fuck is Annette?  Like the Mickey Mouseketeer Annette?!  Rizzo sings about her later and I’m just like.. this revelation has lead to more questions than answers.

Rizzo hatches a plan to call Danny out on his shit and reunite Sandy with Danny at the school pep rally, as they know her boyfriend is an asshat.  He predictably reacts maturely; Not wanting to admit his previous story of getting fresh with some cute Australian girl down in the sand was somewhat hyperbolic, he plays it off like he doesn’t give a shit about her, reducing Sandy to tears.  Frenchy comforts Sandy like the supportive queen that she is and invites her to join the Pink Ladies at a sleepover.

Honestly, a Pink Ladies sleepover looks lit as fuck.  As a kid (and now, tbh) I was Jan, I wanted to be Marty, I wanted to fuck Rizzo, and I wanted Frenchy as my best friend.  I would totally be down to drink champagne, eat Twinkies and mutilate our body parts with needles.  Sandy is a bit of a late bloomer and reacts to these series of events by puking.  Rizzo decides to be a bit of a slag and make fun of Sandy for being an inexperienced virgin before shimming down a drainpipe to get laid by some jerk with a shitty car and a 6-year-old condom.

Sandy, whose night has done nothing to alleviate her heartbreak, sings a song about being in love with a coward.  Part of the deal Oliva Newton-John signed to be cast in this movie specified she have her own solo number, so “Hopelessly Devoted” was written and filmed after the rest of the movie had been completed.  This feel pretty obvious, since it gives off a very strong 1970s pop Best Original Song vibe.  When I was a kid, I used this song as a break to use the bathroom or grab a snack, but as an adult I find myself humming it every so often.

Speaking of contract-obligated solos, we’re treated to a Travolta-led “Greased Lightning”, which I always thought was weird, cause like, who is going to sing a song about their friend getting tit in their sweet car?  Jeff Conaway played Danny on Broadway, he deserved better...  Also, I’m CONVINCED this song got the Pop-Up Video treatment, but couldn’t find it online anywhere.  Otherwise, how the hell else would the fact that they thought John Travolta putting the saran wrap on his crotch was too racy live rent free in my head for like 20 years?

After encountering Sandy on a date with a jock, Danny decides he’s going to join a sports team to prove to her he can be a motivated team player.  Instead, he just physically assaults several members of his school, but it’s fine because he’s wearing a uniform when he does it.  This is enough to impress Sandy, as she accepts Danny’s invitation to the school dance.

The other gang members are going through their own drama, as Rizzo is sick of giving it up to Kenickie without receiving a modicum of respect.  

“A hickey from Kenickie is like a Hallmark card.  When you care enough to send the very best.”

Danny regresses and continues to act like a shithead to Sandy in front of her friends.

“I don’t like tea.” “You don’t have to drink tea!” “Well, I don’t like parents.”

Jan and Putzie begin an innocent and adorable romance, which proves it’s possible to start off a relationship with mutual respect, even if your friends make fun of you for it.

“I also think there’s more to you than just fat.” “...Thanks.”

I love this scene, there’s so many good lines.

Frenchy, who had dropped out of Rydell to pursue a career in cosmetology, is also in crisis as her stint in beauty school went very poorly.  After hours, she somehow hallucinates Frankie Avalon advising her to get her high school degree.

As a child, I was so proud of myself when I realized all these women played other roles in the movie, as if facial recognition was an important skill.

The day of the big dance finally arrives, as National Bandstand comes to Rydell High with roofie-wielding predator and television host Vince Fontaine.  Rizzo arrives with the leader of the rival gang, while Kenickie has his best girl, Cha Cha, as his date, because they are both very well-adjusted teenagers that know how to work through conflict by communicating and not using desperate attempts to make each other jealous.  Danny and Sandy are cutting up a rug until Sonny attempts to physically assault Sandy, and Danny just lets it happen because another one of his exes, Cha Cha, starts to dance with him while Sandy is rebuffing Sonny’s advances.  Cha Cha and Danny subsequently win the contest.  Honestly, this is so fucked up, I would have dropped Danny after this lapse of good judgement.

But no, Sandy still allows him to take her on a date to the drive-in, and it’s not until he elbows her in the boob and then tries to cop a feel in front of everybody that she finally blows him off.  Then he has the absolute gall to act emo about it because he’s afraid people will think he’s a loser.  Jesus Christ.

Kenickie is also hurting, as he discovers that Rizzo is pregnant and she doesn’t want anything to do with him, regardless of what being an unwed mother will do to her reputation.  He decides to process these emotions by racing Greased Lighting for pink slips, as he likes to live his life a quarter mile at a time.  Unfortunately, Danny steals Kenickie’s thunder (road) yet again, as he’s forced to take his place in the race because of a car door-related closed head injury.  Sandy is impressed by Danny’s driving skillz and decides to sex herself up for an unreliable and emotionally manipulative teenager.  Danny has a similar inclination and decides to put on a nice sweater to win Sandy back, which is something, I guess.  They declare they’re the one each other needs, oh yes indeed.

The school year ends, and all the boys end up paired with the girls.  Rizzo finds out she’s not pregnant and reunites with Kenickie?!  Marty ends up with Sonny even though he’s a handsy creep.  Danny and Sandy are just an mess with incompatible expectations of each other.  But at least Jan and Putzie and Frenchy and Doodie are fairly inoffensive.  The end.

This movie is great, even all these years later.  The entire cast is fantastic, even those with smaller bit parts.  I was *living* for the school staff, Principal McGee and Coach Calhoun especially.  Grease also jump started my lifelong love for Stockard Channing.  She’s great in The West Wing, but her part as Sister Husband in Where the Heart Is may be my favorite performance of hers.  I’ve watched that movie so many times I can’t even call it a guilty pleasure, I love it so much.

Olivia Newton-John wasn’t even sure she wanted to be in this movie and requested a screen test so she could see if she was good at acting.  John Travolta was enamored with her and helped convince Olivia she was perfect for the part, and he wasn’t wrong.  She gives such a strong performance as Sandy; I bought her transformation from clean-cut cinnamon roll to sexpot completely.  John Travolta was also unbelievably charming as Danny, and I found myself giggling at his line deliveries constantly.

The songs are also unbelievably catchy (albeit somewhat annoying after you’ve heard them 700 times).  Barry Gibb, my favorite Pras-adjacent composer, wrote the theme for the movie and it just bops so hard.  As a well-documented detractor of Doo Wop music, there’s not a whole lot else here for me, but that’s not going to blind me to the excellence of this soundtrack.  There is a reason this movie is revered as much as it is.  10/10, fun for the whole family, as long as the kids don’t understand the references.

[sartorialatlantan]

Silver Lining and A Brief Backstory

Whether you’re an optimist or not, anyone, even if only in hindsight, can see the silver lining of a bad situation, circumstance or series of events. When I was 20 years old I ended a three-year relationship with my first serious girlfriend. We had met at 17 or so and it was your classic teenage love story. We were young and foolish and led by a shared faith in evangelical Christianity that I would eventually and happily abandon. We had convinced each other and ourselves that it was ordained by god that we came together and that when the time was right we would get married. To add insult to injury we told nearly everyone we knew about our plans at all of 18 years old, so naturally the sting of embarrassment came with the sting of separation. I don’t need to, nor do I care to go into details of our breakup or what brought it about, but this tiny bit of back-story is crucial to understand the silver lining that would follow. Now that I’m saying it out loud, to call what followed a silver lining doesn’t even really cut the mustard, what followed was the absolute best thing that’s ever happened to me.

It’s safe to assume that anyone reading this has been through a breakup, maybe even safe to assume a bad one or two. We all know how down in the dumps, miserable and depressed and isolated and totally alone you feel when you separate from someone you were literally saying, “I love you” to not one day ago. It’s an awful place to be, whether you’re 20 or 35 or 50 etc. it’s just plain awful. And I imagine it’s existentially worse the older you get because of the looming fear that you’ll be too old to meet someone else before the clock stops. While that may be true at 78, the irrational brain of an 18 or 20 year old will tell them the same thing. So in the wake of my adolescent breakup I drank, a lot. I took up smoking and heavy drinking and gave up on the idea of partnering with someone ever again. Some of this ridiculous thinking goes back to the Christian thing, and apologies now if you take offense so some of what I say about that faith. When you’re 20, and for the last 3-4 to years you not only thought, but believed at your bible thumping core that you were paired with someone else by gods own hand and it ends, well to put it plainly you A. start doubting that there even is a god or B. find it impossible to understand why god would start something and end it. Now in hindsight, it’s really a mixture of A and B and I also now realize that if god is real, his most famous creation to date (us) has a beginning and an ending. It’s also very easy to religiously rationalize everything to fit your made up narrative, kind of like biblically cherry picking in reverse.

I’m not going to go into my exiting the church and Christian faith altogether, that would be too far removed from the topic at hand, but I will say that when I left it, and truly let go of it mentally, it was the most calming and freeing feeling I had had at that point. All it took was squarely asking myself, practically in a mirror, “do your really believe in this, do you REALLY believe in ANY of this?” When I answered “no” I felt a combination of grief and relief; on the one hand I was letting go of what had been the norm to that point and on the other I was free from what rabbi’s refer too as “a wrestling match with god”, and that freedom felt better than any made-up wave of holy spirit baptism ever had. Bottom line, if you’re an evangelical and truly believe that you have a private, gibberish love language with god, don’t mock what the Mormons believe, it’s just as ridiculous. I knew too many Christians in those days who couldn’t see that irony. Some still can’t.

Now back to the story. There I was broken hearted and feeling like life was over at 20, it was time to grow a beard and become a wandering nomad. Maybe I’ll get a motorcycle and seek out an outlaw gang and just ride til' I die. Maybe I’ll head up the east coast and get a job on a boat out of New England. Really all of my ideas involved my look first, and occupation second. Anything involving hand tattoos and a long matted beard would’ve sufficed. But then, some time passed and I would eventually turn 21, which opened up a whole new world, the bar scene. Now, still in the throws of depression, single and not loving it, I proceeded to the bar scene with a new drinking friend named Will in the East Atlanta Village. We drank and socialized all over the village, almost every night too, to excess. We were not, living, laughing or loving as the girls touting faux happiness, post break-up say in their Facebook statuses. There was the Graveyard Tavern, a very large dive bar with something akin to a dance floor and a pool table area. Then the Glenwood that at the time had a horror/cult movie theme down to movie posters laminated under the tabletops. There was My Sisters Room and Mary’s, a lesbian bar and gay bar, separated by a side street and Grant Park Pizza. Then you came to the 5 Spot, which was a dive bar and punk music venue, then across the street from there was the Flatiron, which was the shape you’re picturing. It sat below 13 Roses Tattoo, which for that era in my opinion was the best shop in town. If you took a hard left from there you could walk up to The Earl, a dive bar with pretty damn good food and a solid standing room only music venue in back. And lastly across from there was The East Side Lounge, the perfect spot if you wanted to do cocaine while watching Predator 2 on the TV over the bar. I never did cocaine, but everyone in town knew that’s where you went to score some, or to watch Predator 2 while drinking $2 PBR on draught.

This little village was our spot for nearly a full calendar year, Will and I rarely took anyone else along, because no on else was as equally miserable as us and who needs positive company when you’re binging cheap beer pitchers and smoking a whole pack of cigarettes in one night? Now, to be clear, it was always to the two of us but we were making the attempt, occasionally, to meet women. 20 something, tattooed, smoking, drinking, most likely cocaine doing, women who were 100% not interested; we were suburb boys and you could practically smell it on us, and these were city chicks, with sleeve tattoos, hidden piercings and a palpable hate for their fathers. Maybe I’m adding that last part for effect, but you get the idea. Now that said, in that time span I did manage to meet and get to know a girl or two, I think Will did too but nothing ever really stuck.

Now I’m going to back up, but keep in mind this was all happening by night, most nights of the week, but by day I was still working at the same place I am now, didn’t love it then still not crazy about it today, but that’s a whole other topic. Some days after work, before Will and I would venture to East Atlanta I would go meet up with this piano player I had been introduced to by a former band mate who needed a guitar player capable of on-the-fly melodic riffs to accent his songs. In the band I had been in before, that was literally all I did, so we were a good fit. He would play his latest song for me a few times through headphones and then I’d start “noodling” as they say until I landed on some solid melodic hooks to overlay on what he had already recorded. We had a solid system, and he paid me in pizza and beer and we could smoke cigarettes in the studio. Just for a brief tangent, you have to smoke inside in these situations. If you and your fellow musicians are trying to accomplish something in the studio, but you’re walking outside every 20 minutes to have a dart you’ll never get anything done. So I would listen and noodle and drink and smoke and eventually eat. Once I tapped into a riff he liked we’d build on it together, shape it, shorten it, lengthen it, whatever it needed, then we’d lay it down and repeat. This was a regular thing for me a couple times a week. It went like this, get up, go to work, leave, go home grab my gear, head to the garage studio, record, smoke, eat, drink, leave, drop off the gear, grab Will, and be in the Village by 10pm or so. Then we’d stay til' last call, go home, shower, sleep, wake up, repeat. If you’re doing the math, yes I was driving most of the time, it was stupid and reckless and I’m not proud of it and it was over a decade ago lets just leave it at that and drop it. There’s no one to make amends to for anything from those days, other than a few girls that I probably drunkenly intimidated buy hitting on them too much. Anyways, this was the pattern for the better part of 20 to 21. Now, cut back to my Jesus-y girlfriend from the beginning of the story. To the best of my knowledge she was off in a new circle of friends, living and laughing and loving and meeting new people and I knew for a fact she was dating around. Through this new circle of friends she would eventually meet Kristen, and if you know me, then you know my wife’s name is Kristen, yes the very same Kristen. Kristen was 26 at the time, recently divorced from a total dipshit, we’ll leave it at that, and she too was socializing with a new circle of friends.

To help you keep up with the wild web of who begat who, at this point in time, if I hadn’t separated with my girlfriend when I did a year prior, she wouldn’t have started dating who she did and met the string of people who would eventually introduce her to Kristen, my wife today. Now, for her privacy I won’t name my high school girlfriend so for the story we’ll call her Jane. Jane and Kristen and a large circle of churchy band kids all became friends, though only briefly. Kristen being newly single was introduced to some guys via this circle and Jane specifically introduced her to guy named Steven, possibly to date, though I don’t think they ever did. That said, Kristen and Steven formed a friendship and Kristen soon after parted ways with Jane and the churchy band kids because they were all just A. a little too Jesus-y and B. more than immature to say the least. Now I was peripherally aware of a lot of this via Facebook, doing the creepy ex thing. I didn’t know Kristen, but I had seen her in some photos and she had a killer Audrey Hepburn ribcage tattoo, still does obviously.

So, Kristen and Steven are friendly and attend some of the same bars and house parties and she’s out in the world dating and doing her thing. Kristen would eventually meet Steven’s newest girlfriend, Amy. Amy and Kristen became fast friends and were practically joined at the hip. Kristen and Amy were partying, dive bar hopping, nightclub dancing best friends. Meanwhile, just to take you back to my reality at the same time, I was grumpy binge drinking with Will somewhere in the East Atlanta Village. Now, here’s where it gets fun. Amy has a brother named Chad, who at that time was in a band, Chad worked at a little café/bar with a certain piano player, yes, you guessed it, the one I was working with that year. Now through this maze of people Kristen would eventually meet the same piano player and it would be an understatment to say she was into him. One night I’m in the studio with him and we’re sort of half working, half chatting and he starts telling me about this girl he’s kind of seeing and her Audrey Hepburn tattoo. It was one of those small world funny moments, because I knew who he was talking about from my Facebook stalking, and I knew she was hot, no naturally I was envious. Some time later, he would invite me and Will and Kristen and Amy to watch a band play at the previously mentioned Earl in the East Atlanta Village, I knew it well. This is where I would meet Kristen and where our relationship would ultimately begin. I could write another 6 dozen paragraphs on our early dating relationship and how it all went and maybe I will at some point, but the point of this very long-winded essay is about the silver linings of a bad situation. Now to call this love story and how I would eventually meet my wife that I would have two beautiful and amazing daughters with a silver lining to a high school breakup would be borderline insulting. But realize, at 21, now nearly 22, I was still miserable and alone and thought I would be forever. Then along comes Kristen. Now to recap, I split with Jane, became a miserable person while Kristen was divorcing her first husband from college that she really only married to piss off her parents. Kristen would eventually meet Jane, who would introduce her to Steven, who introduced her to Amy who introduced her to the piano player, who she was infatuated with for a brief moment, who introduced her to me. We’re separated by 6 years in terms of age, come from completely different backgrounds and other than this small cluster of people, had no one in common between us. In a very long-winded, round about way, I owe my heartbreaking high school girlfriend a thank you. I had to experience a terrible breakup, the kind where you don’t ever talk again, go through a shitty, drunken, depressing year and ultimately give up on having any semblance of a happy life to meet my wife, and everything changed after that. I didn’t go to college, I had a small circle of friends and most of them avoided the city. It took this wild culmination of events and people I’ve never met to bring Kristen and I together.

You might be saying that story’s not all that compelling, things like that happen all the time, and you’re not entirely wrong, but that said, I still think there’s something special about it.

The year 2020 has shown me a lot about myself. Once quarantine started I quickly learned how unimportant clothes were. Take a moment to catch your breath. I still love tailoring and will absolutely wear dress clothes again, but when you’re staring down a pandemic, drape and tie space just become less of a concern and are quickly replaced with stocking up of frozen goods and day drinking. I’ve spent the majority of 2020 in Vans and golf polo’s, and I don’t hate it. In this time I’ve found a new passion for the game of golf, I’ve cooked new things, in the early days of lock down I got creative with my photography in ways that wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been home all day. I don’t think any of us knows when this nonsense will be over, 2020 might be entirely wrapped in Covid and it might even bleed into 2021, and by then, most of the world might’ve had it. I know that I don’t want it, and if I am to get it I hope to the god I don’t believe in that it’s mild.

When your 6 year old asks if you’re going to be alive when they’re a grown up in the middle of a pandemic it stings, because the reality is I can’t promise her I’ll be alive tomorrow, let alone 20 years from now, so I lie. And when you lie like that to a child you lie big, I tell her I’ll always be alive, that way we snuff out all worry in her little 6-year-old mind, because those wheels are constantly turning. I was burdened with the reality of death at 4 years old, seeing my 19-year-old cousin dead in a coffin after a motorcycle accident. I will shield the reality of death from my kids as long as possible. Life’s stressful enough already, no reason to start the trauma early. I blame that funeral at 4 almost entirely on my hypochondria. I’m that guy, who feels a leg pain and assumes it’s a blood clot bound for my heart. A pain or weird feeling in my side must be cancer. Naturally the rise of Covid has not been kind to this sick part of my brain. As I write I feel funny, the way you feel when you sleep too long and your limbs feel numb, I’m also hoarse from over doing it with a vaporizer recently trying to relax with a little THC. So naturally the weird feelings and throat tickle are Covid in my mind. If you don’t have anxiety, count yourself lucky.

The thing I keep trying to remind myself of is that it won’t last forever. Time literally fixes everything. It took time to get over being broken up with at 20 and even more time for the stars to align and bring Kristen and I together. It will take time for Covid to sweep the world and end and time further still for the powers that be to develop a safe vaccine. It will take time for society to feel comfortable going out mask-less again; it will take time for supermarkets to feel safe enough to take down all the plexi-glass at the checkout. It will all take time and in the end, if we’re lucky, we’ll see the silver linings that came out of it. New interests, new jobs, new relationships, etc. If I hadn’t found my passion for menswear I would not have eventually reignited my passion for photography. If the quarantine hadn’t happened, I wouldn’t have done all the self-portraits I did that ultimately inspired a Hunter S. Thompson theme that lead to my newfound love and interest in golf. The new interest in golf led to new ways to spend time and bond with my in laws and my own family. It’s also the first form of physical activity I’ve done in nearly a decade; all good things.

The only thing I’ve never really been able to draw a connect-the-dots of positively around is my job. I’ve done the same thing for 13 years and I’ve never liked it. It has afforded me the opportunity to do things at times, and the schedule has always been flexible around my personally needs, but I’ve never really liked being here. As I write I’m sitting in an office that I’d rather not be in. If I were single and not a parent I would've left long ago. But the stability of this place and the paycheck keep me here. I’d much rather be taking photos for brands, submitting to publications etc. but there’s way to much financial risk in that. The time for that kind of seat-of-your-pants living is in your 20’s, when you’re a renter with no kids. If I could take photos, write, travel, golf, eat and drink for a living you‘d never hear a complaint. Kristen and I often talk about what we’d do with millions to distract ourselves from what we don’t have, and the stress of the day. She works in a very unforgiving retail environment, more unforgiving now with a pandemic on the rise again in our state. I work in print, for my father. A dying industry with a parent as my superior, what could possibly go wrong? We get along 9 days out of 10, but day 10 is always noteworthy. We bend over backwards for our customers, though I don’ think they care. We once had a 20 years long client say they were thinking about switching to another printer, just to shake things up. This after 20 years of late shifts, miracle timing and total and complete ass kissing. That day I learned, that quality service only matters to a select few, the rest just want to see the bill.

So that’s 2020 so far, new interests popping up, old interests taking a back seat, looking to the past to see the greatness that came out of dark times, hoping the future is as bright as today is, compared to the depths of despair I found myself in at 20. Still thinking there is no god but hopeful for an afterlife of some kind, wondering if there is a god why he’s letting old people who literally hang his picture in their dining rooms suffocate from a wet market virus that our leadership dubbed a hoax in the beginning…I will not go on a political tangent... By the time 2020 wraps I hope to be alive and well, I hope that everyone I know is alive and well too. I hope that Kristen finally lands herself a job in UX, she graduated from her UX academy in March and so naturally the job market has been slim pickings. Beyond that, I hope to find myself doing something other than what I do now at some point. When I dwell for too long about how many hours of my life I’ve spent folding booklets for people who are ultimately going to throw them away I feel myself reaching for the bottle. Bottom line, things aren’t great now, but I hope they get better. The funny thing about that is, according to Buddhists, it’s the act of wanting something, which causes suffering in the first place. So maybe the answer for the shit storm we’re all in today lie’s in the Buddhist teachings. I’m not about to proselytize Buddhism, but what I do know is the first truth as they call it is basically, that “suffering exists” and the second truth is that “desires and ignorance cause the suffering”. So it could be a major over simplification for our current state of affairs, but maybe if we stop wanting a better today and just accept today for what it is, we’ll all suffer a little less. Because whether we’re here for it or not, the sun will rise again and set again. The earth will turn and everything that is happening today will happen again tomorrow. Time fixes everything, and we can’t control it. So pray, meditate, work, golf or buy a motorcycle and head to the nearest New England port and join a boat crew, there’s no telling what kind of crazy we’re all going to wake up to from one day to the next, so to end on a cliché, make the most of today and try focus on the positive, maybe the stars will align and when it all shakes loose, you’ll meet your Kristen.

[nctinfo]

[TRANS] KStyle interview with NCT 127 Vol.1 & 2!

Q. You have completed your first Japanese tour「NCT 127 1st Tour ‘NEO CITY : JAPAN - The Origin'」 yesterday, how are you feeling now? Yuta: I’m still in the state of lingering in the memories. First off because we got to hold this tour, I’d like to express words of gratitude towards our fans, staff and our members who worked hard together. This completely new experience became an opportunity for my confidence to grow. My mindset to show even cooler performances to our supportive fans has only become stronger.

Q. You also shed tears during the last greeting. Doyoung: The fact that our 2-month tour has come to an end was special, and the surprise event our fans prepared during the encore was touching so I let the tears flow. From the very first destination that was Osaka, to the last show in Saitama we went through a lot with our staff and members together, and thanks to our fans support we managed to complete the tour smoothly so I was really touched.

Q. With the tour being so long it seems like managing health condition must be hard. Yuta: Since we’ve spent so much time together if there's a member who’s unwell we know about it. When that happens each one of us cares and covers for the other. I myself managed to hold on till the and because of the help I’ve received from everyone. Before each stage, we all gather together and cheer for each other. Johnny: It’s also memorable when we’re in the middle of the concert on standby backstage, and we tell each other ‘Fighting!’, ‘Let’s do our best!’, ‘We can do it!’

Q. How was the tour for the newest member Jungwoo? Jungwoo: With each concert whenever I stood on the stage with the members I was happy, but on the other hand I also worried a lot. I haven’t got as much performing experience compared to the other members so I’m clumsier, and because of that, I thought I had to work extra hard. But I was still able to get a lot of experience on this tour. My performance, as well as overall acting on stage, have become more free than before so it seems like I’ve progressed. Taeyong: Jungwoo added a new charming point to our team. Through this tour he’s become a necessary part of us. Right now all of our members have fallen for Jungwoos charm kekeke Also Jungwoo is becoming more and more used to things so he’s able to show off his confidence, he’s grown so much through this tour.

Q. Haechan has joined the tour at the Saitama Super Arena as he’s only recovered from his injury, how does it feel to be back? Haechan: I was happy to be able to participate at last and my gratitude towards fans who waited and the members who filled in for me has become bigger.

Q. Please let us know of any episodes that happened when sharing room with other members on tour. Yuta: This time I was roommates with Taeil-hyung. We had 3 concert days at Saitama. Taeil-hyung surprised me with working out everyday early in the morning. After wrapping up day 1, he woke up super early on the next day and worked out. That was really something (laughs) Taeil: My mood gets better when I exercise. Yuta: Taeil-hyung has a six pack.

Q. That’s awesome! Jaehyun: It’s April Fool’s today! (laughs) Everyone: (laughs)

Q. It was a lie? Yuta: The six-pack was a lie, but the working out in the morning was real. Jaehyun: I was just rooming with Mark, and we just spent the time listening to music. And I always knew Mark is a good sleeper, but when he fell asleep in 1 minute I was really surprised. Yuta: Kinda like a manga protagonist (laughs) Taeyong: I was rooming with Doyoung or Mark a lot, and whenever we went to the convenience store I’d think ‘Let’s not buy much?’ but even then we always came back with a lot of things (laughs) We’d come back with 3 big bags of shopping, eat together while talking about one thing or another or stream on VLIVE while eating. Johnny: I’ve just been sharing a room with Jungwoo. The time has passed like water (laughs) Rather than doing anything it was a very peaceful time. Whether Jungwoo is just good at being quiet or if he didn’t exist……. (laughs) Jungwoo: (gets sulky) I’m disappointed….. Yuta: Don’t cry~ (laughs) Jungwoo: It’s a joke. We were listening to music and falling asleep while talking like other rooms…… That’s how we’ve been. Johnny: Ah! Today we promised to watch a scary movie together. Jungwoo: If other members want to watch too come to our room!

Q. Have you decided on the movie yet? Johnny: We haven’t decided yet, we’ll just look for something fun on Netflix. Jungwoo said he can’t watch alone. Jungwoo: I have to sleep with lights on. Johnny: So cute~ (laughs)

Q. Do the members usually watch horror movies together? Yuta: Recently we’ve watched two in a row. What was the title? Jungwoo: It was a movie called <Happy Deathday>. 2nd series has just come out! It’s a very fresh time loop movie. Johnny: I feel like he’s in charge of promoting the movie (laughs)

Q. Who are the members that don’t watch horror movies? Yuta: Mark and Doyoung! Mark: I don’t watch them. I’m scared~

Q. Who was Haechan rooming with? Haechan: Manager-hyung. Not a single episode here hehe Taeyong: Shall we ask manager-hyung then? (laughs) Haechan: This…. I’m sorry.

Q. You must’ve learned some new Japanese phrases at the tour? Taeyong: I’ve memorised ‘Cheers again’ from an anime. I use it at after parties. I like after parties! hehehe Jaehyun: ‘Once-in-a-lifetime bond’ Taeil: ‘Solo tour’ Johnny: ‘So there’s no regrets’, it’s something I wanted to use on the last day as the ending comment so I’ve memorised it. When I yell ‘So there’s no regrets scream!’ the fans shout with me and it makes me really happy. Mark: ‘Get home safely’

Q. Doyoung’s last greeting was entirely in Japanese. Doyoung: I wanted to speak Japanese so I was learning. I tried my best to memorise.

Q. Did you learn any gags from Yuta this time too? Yuta: I taught Jungwoo a lot. Jungwoo: It’s ‘Shall we eat something really delicious?’, ‘It’s nothing’. And ‘Bankai’ (a killer move in ‘Bleach’ manga) too!

Q. Since you’re from Osaka, do you teach them any regional dialect? Yuta: Not necessarily, but because Osaka was our first destination I’ve told them a lot. Usually, I just tell them when they ask specifically.

Q. You must’ve made a lot of memories at the Japanese tour if you were to choose only one to remain in a picture which moment would it be? Jaehyun: It actually is captured in a picture. It’s the surprise event during which fans were singing <TOUCH>. It’s a picture I want to look at over and over again. I think all members would agree? Everyone: Yes!

Q. <Wakey-Wakey>, the title track of your 1st Full Japan Album 「Awaken」 which was released on April 17th is a very powerful performance song and is packed with a lot of different parts. Which part of the choreography do you like? Taeyong: As expected it's the chorus. The choreography is eye-catching and it's a part that feels more powerful in this (already) powerful song. Yuta: Mark's rap part has an impact too, so it became a powerful chorus. Doyoung: I think the part where Johnny-hyung stands up in the first intro part is really cool. It creates the atmosphere of the song.

Q. The 'invader dance', where you move your fingers while stretching your arms sideways, is also a highlight. Speaking of invaders, there is this game called Space Invaders, which was very popular in the past, but you might not know it? Doyoung: I played a similar game though. (It was called) something like 'Galaga' Jaehyun: There was this airplane shooting game called 'RaidenX' at the arcade when I was younger. Taeyong: Although I never actually played invader, I tried my hardest to express it through my imagination.

Q. After you guys finished your concert in Fukuoka, you watched the music video of < Wakey-Wakey> together. Whose scene did you think were cool? Doyoung: Johnny-hyung's hairstyle had an impact as expected! Long hair!

Q. How did you feel with long hair? Johnny: Even though I was just dancing, it felt different from usual. I felt like my hair was dancing with me. It was like 'my whole body is one'? (laughs) Jungwoo: (bursts out laughing) Taeyong: I think everyone came out looking really cool (in the mv). The atmosphere was a little different from all the music videos we've done so far. We shot the scenes according to the individuality of the members and every scene showed the members well so I felt like the artistic feel of the music video was displayed. Taeil: I think the dance parts where we are wearing black is really cool. The set was nice, and the outfits really matched well with every member.

Q. What’s your favorite song on the album? Taeyong: I like <Kitchen Beat>. I like it as much as <Wakey-Wakey> because of the sophisticated beat and imaginative theme that feels like hip-hop. Mark: <Long Slow Distance> has a special feel to it because it's a ballad song in Japanese which the Japanese fans hear from us for the first time, and I think the members' voices go well with the song. Haechan: I like <Long Slow Distance> too. It's a ballad genre we never tried before so I hope the fans like it too. Taeil: I like R&B songs, so <Lips>. Doyoung: (I like) <Wakey-Wakey>. No wonder it's the title song too! Yuta: I like them all but I personally feel like <Kitchen Beat>  is really cool! I felt the song, Jaehyun: I also like every single song, but I had a lot of fun recording <Lips> and I think the song has a great feeling to it. Jungwoo: I also like <Kitchen Beat>. Because Taeil-hyung told me I did a 'good job'! (laughs) Everyone: Oh~ (clapping) Johnny: I like  <Blow My Mind> the most. I was so hooked on Doyoung's part that I could not get it out of my head for a few days. It's fun to sing and it's a song that is easy to sing, so I think the fans will like it too. Taeyong: <End to Start> too, I love it because it's a song with an intense theme from start to finish. 

Q. The album title 'Awaken' has a theme of "reflecting on yourself, discovering yourself and awakening". Who is the member who seems to be awakened recently? Taeyong: I really like sweets, so I ate a lot during the tour. Recently, Jungwoo has started to like Japanese food too and is eating it well. I was awakened to Japanese food. Jungwoo: The sushi we had on the tour was the best. Fatty tuna! Johnny: I think Yuta's Japanese has awakened (laughs). Of course, it's natural for him since he's Japanese, but it's just like how my English was awakened when we were in the states. I think I was also awakened to seeing Yuta doing well on the tour and speaking Japanese. Yuta: It may be so!

Q. You guys seem to like Japanese food. Please let me know what you like most in Japan! Haechan: I really like sushi, ramen, eel on rice and Motsunabe

Q. What sushi do you like most? Haechan: Either sea urchin or salmon roe, I like fish eggs. I didn't really like eel before but I really liked it on a ricebowl in Nagayo. Taeyong: I was awakened! To eel!

Q. How about the other members? Doyoung: I like the kindness of Japan. (in Japanese) Kind! I can feel the kind and friendly culture in everything, and I'd like to learn. For example. When we go to the venue for rehearsals, all the staff will say, "Welcome~", "Let's do our best-". I felt a very warm atmosphere. Mark: I like the delicate morality of Japan. I feel like there's also meaning in the small things, and like Doyoung-hyung said, the feeling that everyone is cherished can be felt from the kindness. I really like that Johnny: When I was in the car this morning and looked outside I thought 'beautiful' as I saw the scenery. The cherry blossoms are in full bloom right now! I can feel the history of the streets and it is so beautiful. Yuta: I feel like I'm also praised when I hear these things and it makes me happy.

Q. The subject is changed but you appeared on Japan's original Korean music program 'Power of K TOKYO LIVE' on March 4th. Please let us know your impressions. Taeyong: I heard that a new K-POP themed program was made in Japan and it was a very new experience. Although we also performed, it was fun that the members were also able to show their charms through the games we played. Yuta: The venue (of the show) was where we did our showcase tour (Toyosu PIT), so as I entered the dressing room I thought 'it’s been a while'. The members talked with each other and talked about ‘the showcase we did here'. Doyoung: That's right! Jaehyun: After losing in the drawing game, Johnny-hyung and I had to show various facial expressions in the punishment game, but it was fun (laughs). Johnny: It was a punishment game that requires fast reaction skills, but I think it worked out well. Some facial expressions came out I didn't even know I could to, please check on air to confirm(laughs)!

Q.  <NCT LIFE> will also broadcast on 'Kchan! HallyuTV'. It was shot in different places every season, please tell us about your memories or back stories. Doyoung: It was a fun and good experience to go to various countries. Even though we were shooting for the show, it felt like I was traveling with the members. I want to continue doing <NCT Life> if the chance is there in the future. Yuta: Where do you want to go next? Taeyong: Hawaii! Doyoung: I want to go to Hawaii too! America would be nice too.

Q. What were other sides of the members which got discovered while shooting <NCT LIFE>? Doyoung: We did a Yuta-tour in Osaka (NCT Life season 7: Osaka). Yuta-hyung planned everything we did during the trip, he really prepared it in earnestly. It was like he created a portfolio Yuta: yeah, that's right (laughs) Doyoung: He had never shown this deliberate image during our practices (laughs) I was really surprised. Taeil: When we just debuted we did sports in Paju to build on our unity (<NCT Life> season 3: Paju), I remember playing games and eating BBQ together. Mark also made fried eggs (Mark didn't know how to fry a sunny-side-up egg and the mess he created was highlighted) Mark: Yes! Sorry (laughs) Taeil: It was fun because it rather seemed like we were playing around instead of shooting a show. Johnny: In Chiangmai, Thailand (<NCT LIFE> season 6: Chiang Mai) the members celebrated my birthday with a surprise, but I was really surprised. However, I remember Taeyong more, who was beside was, also getting fooled/surprised (laughs). I was getting nervous because Doyoung's condition wasn't good but I relaxed when learned it was a prank and I was able to have fun and celebrate. 

Q. In Chiang Mai, Doyoung was impressive for answering all the questions during the game to guess the name of the animals in Safari Park so well. Taeyong: Doyoung's intelligence was proven. Johnny: On the contrary, I was angry at myself for not remembering any of them. After that (game), I started to respond with 'name' without knowing (laughs).

Q. Jungwoo hasn't been able to participate in a shooting yet, but if you were to go, where would you wanna go to? Jungwoo: I really want to go to Hawaii too. I heard it's a good place and there are a lot of things to see so I became curious after hearing so much about it.

Q. Amongst the members, who is has the best sense for variety shows? Johnny: excluding me, it's Yuta (laughs) Taeyong: Though Yuta has variety sense,  I think Jungwoo's variety sense isn't a joke either. So we have to do <NCT Life> again. Mark: I also think Jungwoo will be a hit. Jungwoo: I think it might be difficult with cameras in front of me...... I'll do my best, though.

Q. Finally, is there a message you want to give to our readers. Taeyong: On April 17th, our new album 「Awaken」 was released and we hope it receives much attention. Through this tour of Japan, I felt that everyone in Japan was looking forward to us, and my heart was full. We will continue to grow and strive to show only good images. Thank you very much for interviewing us like this today. We will be glad to take this opportunity again in the future.

Translation: Alex, Esmee @ FY! NCT (NCTINFO) | Source: Kstyle (1, 2) | KOR (1, 2) — Do not repost or take out without our permission!

[gigilberry-wips]

11/11/11 Tag

I was tagged by @kaptune in this post, thank you!

I am now exactly half way through the second draft of my WIP Thrown For A Loop, so I feel more comfortable doing one of these.

1. Did you have alternate ideas for your wip that eventually didn’t make it in the story of were exchanged with a better scene? If yes, tell us one or a few that you left out (could be a character too or a name)

A: Oh, I’ve had quite a few of those. Like, I had to rewrite the intro more than a couple times because the first time I started off in the wrong place, then because my main character was info-dumping and making no sense, and then because I mis-characterized my characters and had to write more about them and develop them properly before I could go back and write it again.

I wrote a few scenes that felt off to me because some of them relied on harmful and misinformed troupes, while others were not true to my characters.

I remember at least 2 instances where I actually tried to write scenes that had been inspired by scenes I’d read in books many years ago. For example, there was a scene that I’d based loosely off of something I’d read in a Terry Pratchett book where my main character confided in another because the character she was talking to was so calming and easy to pour her heart out to.

But that didn’t seem to fit somehow, so I flipped the entire thing around. Instead of being calm and happy while confiding in the character, my girl was instead very upset. She was angry! She was scared and confused and frustrated and no one was telling her anything! It was unfair and she made sure to say so! Now that felt more in line with what she’d been going through, especially when a person she didn’t know told her that they’d been looking after her when she’d been so sure that she was all on her own the entire time and then this person showed up late and said all these pretentious things, like how they’ve been trying to help her and how much they cared about her. Of course she blew up. It helped her feel much better after she did, but that’s how it went down and I’m pretty happy with it.

2. Do you have a specific audience in mind for your wip?

A: Teenagers ranging anywhere from 12-18 can read this! :D There’s no cursing or mature themes in it, no violence whatsoever, and it fits pretty well into the general audience category. It’s an urban fantasy adventure, first and foremost.

But I would recommend it specifically for the teenage age-group, because the main character herself is a teenager and deals with the growing pains of being at that age, which hopefully many of them can relate to.

3. Is it important to you that your wip has a moral or a message?

A: I suppose so. I think so. What I’d initially wanted to write for this story was something fun. I’d also wanted to write a story where my main character is wholeheartedly and unapologetically loved, by her friends, by her family, and by all the people who claim they love her.

As I’ve written this story, I find that if there are any messages that I want to reach the readers no matter what, it would be: 1) it’s alright to reach out for help if you need help. You don’t have to climb to some threshold of being “deserving” of help or “proving” yourself worthy. It’s not a bad thing to rely on the people who love you to help you. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. and 2) there’s always more than one kind of strength, some more obscure than others. Look out for them.

4. What kind of relationships do you like writing the most (romantic, platonic, familial, etc.)?

A: I love writing friendships. I’m all about the friendships, I love them so much. I especially love writing friendships between young girls and teenage girls because I never saw that anywhere growing up. I especially want to write about friendships that involve girls who look like me, who are asian like me. And they don’t have to be young girls! I want to write about the friendships between old women, middle aged women, young women, all the women! I want to write lots of this so that there’s more of it in the world!

I love writing healthy family dynamics! I love writing scenes of platonic intimacy. It’s so, so rare for me to read about asian families and poc families where there are healthy family dynamics. I am hungry to write about families that are supportive, loving, happy. I wish I could write faster just so I can write more of them!

I want to write lots of stories where women who look like me fall in love with men who cherish them and are proud of them. Whether the relationships they have are goofy or awkward or competitive or soft, I want to write healthy romances that are based on friendship, respect, and trust that is earned. I want more sweet, wholehearted romances, and I want all of them to have woc.

5. What kind of research have you done for your wip?

1) I remember one fateful day when I researched the fruit festivals that occur in France, particularly the orange festivals in the south of France

2) I’ve learnt a LOT about flowers, like the kinds that grow commonly in northern regions or which can be found during autumn or in the late part of the year, the kinds that can go in tea or can be baked into foodstuff, the kinds that hold special meanings, lots of fun things

3) I asked some questions regarding sensitivity and miscellaneous cultural details to a fellow asian writer to make sure I didn’t do anything particularly upsetting

4) general writing advice like how to make a compelling story narrative, writing dynamic characters, about story beats, how to keep a plot moving, etc.

5) my story takes place in the early 2000′s. I myself am a millenial/gen z hybrid. And yet, I have very hazy memories of this time. I’ve looked through so many, so many, of those “you know you’re a millenial if”, “young millenial aesthetic”, “remember back in 2005 when we had-”, “being born in the 1990s like”, etc. And I’m still not sure if any of it’s helped =_=“

6. If your wip became very successful would you want to make a movie adaptation? why or why not?

A: Heck no. A graphic novel maybe, but a tv or movie adaptation? - absolutely not. I feel like it would have a lot of inaccuracies in how the characters are portrayed, I feel like they’d focus on all the wrong things and none of the right ones, and most importantly I’d be scared that they wouldn’t get the feeling right, because the feeling is very, very important to me.

7. Did you have alternate title ideas for your wip?

A: I don’t believe I did, no. I thought about what to title, a pun came to mind, and that’s what I went with.

8. What has been the hardest part about writing your wip so far?

A: Convincing myself I’m going to finish it. I’ve kept thinking about when I’d finally start posting and if I’d be able to put up with a steady posting schedule and get stressed out thinking about it, and then I’d have to shake myself out of it and keep going. Also worrying that my characters aren’t lovable enough - because I love my characters and I want others to love them too, or that my story isn’t compelling or interesting enough, or most of all that the feeling that I had in mind for the story just isn’t coming through. Like I want this story to be overall light but also an adventure, but what if I’m making it too serious? Or angsty? Or plodding and boring?

9. Do you prefer writing action or description?

A: Description, definitely. ^^” When I write action, I feel like an grade schooler putting one word in front of the other and all of them feel tedious and redundant, like I’m describing basic, boring things. With description I can at least info dump before I refine it later and make it pretty. With action I have to be sparse and smart, I need to know what to cut, when to cut it, and how to do it right. And that makes for a whole different kind of brain exercise.

10. What do you want your readers to come away with after reading your story?

A: A good time. No really, I want them to have happy feelings when they’re done reading my story. I want them to have happy feelings while reading my story, because there’s a lot of fluff and happy things going on in there.

But I also want to write a character who is both timid and strong. I want to write a character who freaks out and cries a lot and is still trying her best and still being very brave, and I want the readers who do stick around to value her because of that. The choices she makes and the thoughts she has are going to be frustrating to read at times, but whether they like her or not I hope they can understand that her strengths all lie in her exceeding her own expectations and her mentally set limits and I hope they can appreciate her for that.

11. What’s your favorite part of your wip? what make you excited to write?

A: I want to write the fluff so bad. I love writing a character who receives so much love from others, who is seen as a love interest and is genuinely treasured. I love writing the friendship scenes, the bonding scenes, all the platonic intimacy. I love that I get to write healthy family relationships in an Asian family, I love that I get to write about friends who love and support each other. And most of all, I love that I can write an anxious and imperfect character who is surrounded by people who accept her as she is, and that I can write her as the heroine of her story - the one who drives the story, the one who makes things happen, the one who has power and agency and a voice in her own narrative. That part makes me happy beyond words.

                                                   --------------------------

And that’s all for me! Here are my questions:

1. If your OC were to meet you in real life, what do you think they’d think of you? Would they like you?

2. Which of your OCs has the most appealing aesthetic vs. which of your OCs has the aesthetic that matches closest to yours?

3. How would you say your story has changed as you’ve written it?

4. Which story troupe(s) do you want to take and flip on its head?

5. Have you ever based an OC off of a song? If so, which song was it?

6. Have you ever read a fanfiction that filled your heart with soulful feelings and quite possibly moved you to tears?

7. Which OC(s) that you’ve ever created would you say is/are the farthest from you in terms of personality? What about intelligence?

8. Which relationship dynamics do you find yourself writing the most often?

9. Pick one: Angst or Fluff

10. Have you ever written a self-insert OC (no shame here - in fact, I love those! A lot!), be it in fanfiction or original fiction? If so, how old were you when you first wrote them?

11. Have you ever written a story based off of a dream? Did it stay true to the dream as you wrote it or had it changed drastically by the end of it?

Tagging all the people on my “like being tagged in tag games” list:

@roll-a-bi20 , @cjjameswriting , @welcometomycerebralcortex , @inexorableblob , @lordkingsmith , @theunubun , @harrybpoetry , @smudged-glasses-writing , @ill-write-when-im-dead , @cosmic-storytelling , @furryarbiterangel , @ecritblr , @owlsofstarlight , @drarrybabes , @lura-wilcox , @purrfectwriting , @this-was-my-2nd-choice-for-a-url , @poetbelieverhere

(if you wished to be tagged if future tag games, then please interact with this post)

[letterboxd]

Most Picture.

There are many ways to predict how the Oscars will go. How much money is the studio spending on the campaign? How highly rated are the nominated films? How much work have nominees put in during the awards season? Is it simply their time?

For this 2019 horse race, we thought it would be fun to go for a different metric. A fool-proof statistical analysis to find not what is the Best Picture, but what is the Most. And with that, we set about investigating the stats on rewatches of the eight films nominated for Best Picture.

It turns out that plenty in the Letterboxd community have logged the Best Picture nominees more than once, and in some obsessive cases, well into double figures. We had a feeling, based on anecdotal mood and general noise, that A Star Is Born and Bohemian Rhapsody would be right up there in the stanning stakes. And they are (read on for our Q&A with Letterboxd’s most obsessive A Star Is Born fan). But also: The Favourite made the top three, and the film you have rewatched the most left the other seven in the dust.

Without further ado, Letterboxd presents the 2019 “Most” Picture Awards, ranked by the number of members who’ve watched the 2019 Academy Award Best Picture nominees two or more times (total in brackets, as of today).

Each film features a review from its greatest fan, i.e. the Letterboxd member who has logged the film more than any other (at the time of writing).

And the 2019 “Most” Picture Awards go to…

1. Black Panther (13,268)

“Would I see this movie a personal record high of seven times in theaters? For Wakanda? Without question.” —Krys (12 watches, seven in cinemas)

2. A Star Is Born (5,943)

“TIRED: discourse about whether or not the film hates pop music, all think pieces about whether the film thinks Ally is a sell out and what that means for feminism, discourse on whether Why Did You Do That? is a bop or not.

WIRED: discourse about whether or not Jackson Maine even had an ass good enough to inspire such pop perfection.” —Juliette (16 watches)

3. The Favourite (5,378)

“I miss this so much I dreamt it. Instead of riding, Sarah was doing cartwheels.” —CBotty (15 watches)

4. Bohemian Rhapsody (4,928)

“The critics can go fuck themselves. THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE I HAVE SEEN! (for the fifth time).” —Iain (16 watches)

5. Roma (4,270)

“Yes I’ve seen this twice today, yes i cried like a bitch both times, yes this is the only movie.” —Eve (7 watches)

“My feelings regarding Roma are complicated to say the least. It’s like dating the girl of your dreams, only to realize that you are completely incompatible, which ends in desperate clinginess for an ideal that was never true to begin with. It’s been a strange journey of love, disappointment, and eventual acceptance, where I’ve come to terms with my feelings. I still admire the hell out of it, and I hope it wins all the awards in the world.” —Orrin (7 watches, admittedly more times than they have actually seen it)

6. BlacKkKlansman (3,669)

“This movie is so fucking powerful, and I loved every second of it.” —Kota (6 watches)

7. Green Book (1,370)

“OK what a way to start the new year. I love this movie so much. Viggo Mortensen and Mahershala Ali are for sure going to get nominated (and it’s well deserved).” —Anthony (5 watches)

8. Vice (1,164)

“8.4/10” —Harrison (4 watches)

Unpacking the re-watchability of A Star Is Born.

“I just expect it to be exactly what it is and to be there.”

Of the eight Best Picture finalists, Black Panther has been out the longest, had the largest budget, and has done the rounds of the streaming services. It was always gonna take the top spot in a rewatch match. But to figure out the rewatchability of second-place-getter A Star Is Born, we went to the film’s hardest stanner, Juliette, to help us understand why fans keep coming back even though it’s a complicated watch.

While Juliette’s multiple reviews are meme-tastic, quippy, punctuation-free gems of observation, when we asked her to explain herself, she went remarkably deep. Her replies may just make you want to take another look at Ally and Jack. [Note: this interview contains spoilers for the film’s plot.]

How many times do you think you have seen A Star Is Born? Juliette: I think I have seen the film sixteen times? I know for certain I have seen it fourteen times in theaters, but I’m not sure how many times I’ve watched it in the comfort of my own home since it’s been released on digital. There’s just something about the energy in a theater while this film is being screened. It gives me chills just thinking about it!

What keeps you coming back to it? It's so hard to pinpoint what exactly it is that draws me back to this film time and time again. I love a good love story when properly executed! I’m kind of obsessed with celebrity culture! I love a great musical! And like many people, the subjects of this film: alcoholism, mental illness, suicide, self-doubt, the cultivation of the self, love, mentorship, and reconciliation of one’s experiences with a flawed parental figure are all things that have permeated my life. Some of these things, I understand and have a firm grasp on, they feel definitive and their impacts are a tangible output. Some of these things, I still grapple with daily. There is little definition, largely just confusion and sporadic outbursts of pain.

When I return to this film, which I often do, the thing I don’t expect it to give me is answers. I don’t expect the film to be able to define for me what I must come to define for myself. I don’t expect it to clarify my confusion. I don’t expect it to eradicate the pain. I just expect it to be exactly what it is and to be there.

There’s a scene towards the end of this film where, while mourning the loss of his brother, Bobby explains how he heard one of Jackson’s songs performed at a bar. At first, it angers him. He feels like no one really knew Jackson. But then, something shifts and just hearing the song begins to soothe him. It reminds him that, in spite of their trauma and their turmoil, it isn’t all for nothing.

That’s what this film is for me. It soothes me. It reminds me that the facilitation of our healing can come through art. It reminds me that for people, who once felt broken and irreparable, it is possible to find love and happiness not just with another person, but within one’s self. It reminds me that our pain and our devastation can be met in equal measure with (and even maybe be overcome by) our brilliance, our triumph, and our devotion to one another.

What have you noticed with each rewatch? What I notice most with each subsequent rewatch of the film is what a massive undertaking the sound editing and mixing for this film must have been. I have such deep and profound respect and admiration for all the work that went into crafting the audio for this film! The film is such a visceral experience, one that truly engages all of the senses. I remember physically recoiling in the theater the first time I heard the sound of Jackson’s tinnitus. I remember feeling my entire seat shake in time with the music during the concert sequences.

I also have a sincere recommendation! Once you watch the film a few times, I really encourage you to watch the film just through the lens of watching Lukas Nelson & Promise of the Real in the background of the pivotal scenes. It adds so much dimension to scenes you thought you already knew!

What is the single greatest scene in this version of A Star Is Born? As clichéd or “basic” as it may seem to say, there is no denying that the greatest scene in this film is when Ally joins Jackson on stage and the two perform Shallow together. It’s a cataclysmic and mesmerizing moment.

It’s the way Jackson physically steps back and acquiesces his spotlight to new talent. It’s the combination of awe and support in Jackson’s eyes as he watches Ally assume center-stage. It’s the way Ally assumes her place at the mic for the first time. It’s how Ally—all at once terrified, shocked, overwhelmed, empowered, and free—finds a version of herself she had long thought impossible to access under the stage lights. The arc of which is punctuated by Gaga’s impeccable performance in this scene, most noticeably by the shift in her physicality, from her hands covering her eyes, unable to make eye contact, to grabbing the mic and belting her now patented cathartic wail.

It’s the way, two artists—no, two people—are separated physically on the stage singing into their individual microphones, but slowly find their way to meet in the middle and sing as one. In itself, this scene is the film in miniature. If this scene hadn’t worked, it’s very unlikely the rest of the film would have worked.

Not to mention, the scene is just absolutely stunning. Of course, the music is heavenly, that’s a given. In terms of the composition, I love how the camera moves around and captures each protagonist in different ways. And the color palette is gorgeous. The way that blue and red light dance around our protagonists throughout the sequence is just jaw-dropping. It’s the kind of high an artist, and in a turn a viewer, could spend their whole life chasing.

What do you wish haters understood about the film’s greatness? My first priority would be to tell the haters that Lady Gaga is not playing herself in A Star Is Born! Just because Gaga is a singer playing a singer, doesn’t mean she isn’t acting!

Furthermore, to me, it feels unfair that the power of her performance is sometimes diminished just because she sings in the film. Anyone can sing in a way that is technically proficient with enough training, but to tell a story through song? To act a song? To perform with every iota of your being musically? That’s a whole other skill and it is just as worthy of recognition and respect as any other leading performance this year.

Secondly, I would like to convey that just because something is a remake doesn’t mean that it lacks value or that it lacks something to say. I can’t pinpoint what exactly it is about this story that seems to capture the collective imagination every few decades, but I think it has something to do with how it presents ascension at the expense of descent, art as both artifice and freedom of authentic expression, and love in spite of sacrifice and self-destruction. There’s something about that cocktail that becomes the perfect receptacle for the expression and examination of our cultural anxieties.

Its malleable formula allows for questions to be asked about how we think about celebrity and fame, the self-identification process, and the value of art. In that sense, a remake of A Star Is Born is vital and refreshing, and certainly not tired and uninspired, and most importantly, it doesn’t lack something to say. It’s inherently reflective of the culture it was created in by its very nature. It allows us to ponder not just how Hollywood tells stories about itself, but also how we tell stories about ourselves. And if you ask me, there’s so much value in that.

What do you think should win Best Picture at this year’s Oscars? Well, I’m clearly biased towards A Star Is Born, but I would not be mad to see Roma or The Favourite walk off with the evening’s top prize!

What do you think will win Best Picture? My heart says Roma, my head says Green Book.

[thisislizheather]

September Shenanigans 2021

So long, September! I can’t believe it’s finally here. And look, I try not to base my entire personality on the fact that I love this time of year so much but every year it’s getting harder and harder to deny it. There’s just something so electrifying about rainy nights and pumpkins on stoops, I’M SORRY. In any case, here’s what went down in September.

You can find my favourite tweets of the month over here and here.

I’ve been using the greatest eyebrow growth serum OF LIFE and wrote a bit about it over here (with photographic proof!).

I recapped what I did from my summer list.

So obviously I had to create an autumn list because this is my life.

New podcast alert!

I made this chocolate zucchini banana cake with coffee frosting for Nathan’s birthday and we both fell in love with it. This will now be the only birthday cake I ever make for him, it’s incredible.

I went to the Italian restaurant Lilia in Brooklyn again because they always have the best focaccia (right now it’s cherry tomato with green garlic butter), so I got that as well as the corn-filled cappelletti with black pepper and pecorino and yes it was good but the pasta definitely lacked some sort of different textual element which would have sent it over the top in deliciousness. Am I being harsh? No. If you’re paying upwards of $20 for one plate of pasta, there has to be standards.

Above Photo: Cherry tomato focaccia with green garlic butter

Above Photo: Corn-filled cappelletti with black pepper & pecorino

I tried the pumpkin cream cold brew at Starbucks (with one pump of vanilla instead of two because they go nuts with their pumps) and it was only okay. Why do people love it so much? The salted caramel one looks good but I can’t bring myself to go back and try it. I have such a hate-hate relationship with Starbucks, so what the hell am I even doing going in there? The last time I brought my laptop in to work in a Starbucks was in 2019 and they played the whole Hamilton soundtrack on a loop TWICE and I almost lost my mind it’s such a terrible album. I feel like an alien for not being mesmerized by Lin-Manuel Miranda, but like… he sucks?

I ate at Forsythia again and it only confirmed its place in my mind as one of the best new restaurants of this past year. I finally tried and loved the short rib agnolotti as well as the pappa al pomodoro, which was like a beautiful tomato tartare, so summery and perfect.

I bought these pajamas from Banana Republic Factory because they’re soft as hell and I haven’t had matching pajamas since… never.

Links I’m Loving:

Okay, this is the cutest autumn sweater on the planet, COME ON.

Untold Horror is “a behind-the-scenes look into development hell to find the most frightening horror movies that never were, from unmade Re-Animator sequels to alternate takes on legendary franchises like Frankenstein and Dracula!” - this sounds like such a great read.

I Never Knew How Golden My Summers Were - a great piece on remembering the best summer of your life.

Creative Ways To Start Your Morning On A Good Note

Halloween Craft Idea For Kids: Pumpkin Stamps with Apples

Reason #214 Never To Get CoolSculpting

Tuesdays at Regal Cinemas are now offering $6.25 movie tickets! This definitely can’t last, so I’m going to make the most of it while it’s offered.

New seasonal candles are finally at Trader Joe’s.

Above Photo: Autumn candles at Trader Joe’s, September 2021

So it’s been established how much I love and support Milk Bar… but the new funnel cake soft serve is truly one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever ingested. Just shockingly gross. If you’re nearby, get a free sample and tell me how right I am.

I went for a late summer walk through Central Park and why don’t I do this once a week.

I can’t get over how beautiful this song is (thanks for introducing it to me, Jessie!), it’s toooo good.

There’s a sale on Aerie underwear right now IF you’re into that sort of thing.

I made a zucchini lasagna that was very good but in no way better than a meat lasagna.

Speaking of zucchini, if you own a deep fryer: please make this zucchini spaghetti or these cider battered chicken fingers and then ask me over.

I took this (free) (actually helpful) intro to SEO class online if you’re interested in that sort of thing.

I made these apple pie bars that are ridiculously easy, fast and incredible. I was feeling ambitious, so I made this quick caramel to pour on top.

I fell down a rabbit hole of researching all of the Broadway theatres in New York and I might get tickets to Girl From The North Country purely to sit inside the gorgeous Belasco Theatre.

Finally had the steak at L’Artusi and it was delicious. Best steak ever? God no, but good. They will, however, hold the title of best steak tartare in all of NYC though.

Above Photo: The steak at L’Artusi in the West Village

Above Photo: The best steak tartare in NYC at L’Artusi

New things I’ve watched and rewatched:

Searching For Italy: so, so great. I already wanted to travel around Italy and eat everything so watching this was a delight. It’s also just so enjoyable to watch people who love their jobs. The Tuscany episode was my favourite one, mostly because I love any and all panzanella talk.

I attempted to watch Basic Instinct but I was in a very specific mood and had to turn it off after the rape scene. Nah thanks.

Never Have I Ever (season two): Love that Common is in it, hoping he becomes a regular. I can’t stand the way the writers write the teen dialogue, it’s so cringeworthy, but if you can get past that it’s an absolutely okay show. That scene in episode nine with her & Paxton when he comes in from window? Shiiiiit.

Broken: it’s an episode about makeup and the lesson? Watch out for counterfeit cosmetics. Got it.

The X-Files (The Squeeze episode): Someone told me to watch this one because it’s supposed to be scary, but it wasn’t anything special. A waaay better episode is Pusher. Watch THAT one.

The Witches of Eastwick: How the hell have I never seen this before? So many parts are good. Would definitely rewatch. I’ll never get over how gorgeous Michelle Pfeiffer is. Just maddening.

Scanners: boooooooooo. They shouldn’t make the cover look so good, it’s terrible.

Nightmare on Elm Street: Really holds up well. Always love it.

I’m rewatching Sabrina the Teenage Witch and kind of loving every minute of it. The episode where she becomes addicted to pancakes? A gem.

Was Dharma & Greg, like, a great show? I never cared about it at the time because I think I was too young to get into it but I just watched their Halloween episode and it was so good. Might look into this further.

Awkwafina is Nora From Queens (season two): With the exception of the blackout episode and the extremely hot cameo from original Reggie (Ross Butler), this season has really sucked. And this is insane to me because I loved the first season, what the hell?

Some things I’m looking forward to this month: I created an autumn highlight on my Instagram incase you care to see the fun things I’m planning on doing this month, excited to read Stanley Tucci’s new book, definitely going to make these pumpkin scones with a maple glaze, I will likely buy something from this year’s Halloween Lush collection, I’m gonna do a post about my recent trip to Salem (!), and I’m in the final stages of costume planning. God, I love this month.

If you have any interest in reading what went on in August, come on over here.

[sandwichbully]

Joe’s Market & Deli, 12 September 2018

   Sometimes, you get trick-fucked.    Trick-fucked is the term a couple of the guys back in BG coined. Not my hipster doofus friends, no, the other friends. The ones that tried to dress like they were in The Matrix but wound up looking like the Allentown Brothers. The ones that wore those creepy Marilyn Manson contact lenses on purpose. The ones where, to qualify as “the weird one” in the group, you had to wear a jester’s hat and that guy lost his virginity before you did. The ones where the “intellectual” of the group called you a bigot and a sheep running up to November 2016 and then blocked you on Facebook whole years after you forgot you were connected on Facebook. Those friends. The friends where you hear one of them moved to Boston and married a marine biologist and you sighed a heavy sigh of relief and you thought, “Thank fuck he got out,” and then you saw his brother on Facebook, guy pushing thirty, and he’s showing off his dental implants that make it look like he has fangs and you just... closed... your laptop and went the fuck outside. Those were the guys that coined the term trick-fucked, a term I rarely use because, let’s be adults about this, it sounds like a rape euphemism. It’s not. It means you got tricked so bad you got fucked.    Were you tricked? Yes.    Did you wind up fucked? Yes.    You got trick-fucked.    Just like I got trick-fucked today.    So I’m in the mood for an Italian sub and I Google “italian deli” and I get the standard answers and I see this joint called Buon Giorno. OK, I can fuck with this. Listing on Google Maps says seven point eight miles. Let’s click on this and...    Eleven miles? Hold on. Click back.    Seven point eight miles. Uh... Click and...    Eleven miles. OK, well show me on the map.    OK, listing says seven point eight miles, map says eleven. No biggie. This is in... Lilydale? Well, this is pleasant sounding. Lilydale. OK, how do I get there?    What?    No, I’ve been on that trail. You’ve got me doing some off-road shit and the trip is an hour and change by bike? I don’t know, man, I just posted a month ago that I’m over making forty five minute sandwich runs, why would I make an hour nine minute sandwich run? And that’s one way. Were talking almost two and a half hours round trip for an Italian sub. Isn’t there anywhere closer?    Hence Joe’s Market & Deli, up in Como. A lot closer, nobody has to go off road, I know the neighborhood, and it still matches my criteria of me never having been there before. Pictures show a bunch of burgers and burritos and shit on the menu but for once Yelp proved helpful and a guy wrote that he got their hot Italian sub every day. That is all I need. Get on the bike, head up to Como, pretty much following the path I took to get to work every day when I worked at UCare.    Pop in and there’s the menu board full of shit I don’t want and then there’s the menu board with what I’m looking for and they almost nabbed me at the “Philly” until I saw they used Swiss which, I’m looking around this place, I know what kind of Swiss they’re using:

   If they were using a good Swiss, yeah, I have no problem with Swiss on a cheesesteak because then you could taste it. But no, skipping this and going for the Hot Italian which is...    Italian sausage, provolone (the most offensively flavorless thing Sysco manufactures), giardiniera, and red onions, $6.95.    OK [scratches ear] wait, so, is there a cold Italian? [looks around] No? Is there [looks on all the menu boards] I mean, I guess I could try this. At least it doesn’t have lettuce on it.

   But where are the tomatoes? the banana peppers? the salami? the ham? the pepperoni? the Italian dressing? the oregano in a can they try to fool you into thinking is “Italian seasoning”? the mayonnaise they look you in the eyes and tell you is aioli? This is uh... uh... OK. I guess this is what I came for. I go up to the counter and order the Hot Italian. I buy a Mexican Squirt while I wait.

   Quick aside, one time, Cody at the liquor store told me, “I saw a Mexican Squirt at Target.”    In response, I told him, “I saw a Mexican squirt on PornHub.”    Good night, everybody!

   AAAhhh, still proud of myself for that one.    Anyway, while I’m waiting, the muzak is playing nineties Aerosmith and I’m not feeling it. At least yesterday at Lowry Hill Meats they were bumping Pixies playing “Where Is My Mind” and followed that with LCD Soundsystem’s “Daft Punk Is Playing At My House”. Hipstery? Yes. Dated? So very. More easily digestible than nineties Aerosmith? You betcha. When it comes to the Thunderdome between that doofy ass Daft Punk song and “Angel”, I’m picking the Daft Punk song every time.    This shit? This shit was gross.    Speaking of, how was my sandwich?    Well, let’s see. I know I’ve been a Negative Nancy Grace lately and my kneejerk reaction to this sandwich is I don’t like it but how can every sandwich I’ve eaten be bad or subpar? Something must be wrong with me. I must not be doing my job right. Because it can be something crafted with care like yesterday’s sandwich or something slapped together over a grill like my burger the day before and I’m just not into it.    What did I say about Cafe Limon? [goes back a few posts] OK, I liked it but I just kept shit real brief.    But knowing that I’ve been down on everything lately as I eat my sandwich, I force myself, “OK, asshole, get analytical. What’s going on here?”    OK, the Italian sausage, start there. Pro: You can sure taste the fennel. Con: They cut two links length wise and then arrange them perpendicular to the roll.    Cheese. Pro: Uh... pass. Con: You can’t fucking taste it because it’s fucking Sysco provolone.    Giardiniera. Pro: It’s not too spicy, the veggies are crisp, it’s evenly distributed. I have my suspicion that this is Marconi Mild. Con: It overwhelms all the other flavors on this sandwich.    Red onion. Pro: God chocked them full of folic acid and magnesium and that’s real good for your colon. Con: Couldn’t taste them.    Bread. Pro: Toasty crisp on the outside, airy and fluffy on the inside. Con: None.

   You know the music that plays underneath that scene in A Christmas Story after Ralphie decodes the Little Orphan Annie code and he says, “A crummy commercial?” That was the music that accompanied my lunch. Because I didn’t investigate closer, I dove head first into a situation I knew nothing about, all I saw were the words “hot Italian” and I assumed it would be like an Italian but they would melt the cheese which I still think is not an unfair assumption and then I get to the place, I look at the menu and it turns out I got trick-fucked. By myself, by my assumptions, by that guy on Yelp. Who the fuck is that guy? Great, now I can’t find him. Oh, well.    Can I recommend this place?    Well, I have to go back to see what they do right because they’ve got some shitty reviews of varying quality but people who like them love them, swear by them, are over the moon for them so I have to go back and try something different.

   Just like you can try something different with your very own copy of Batpussy: A Speculative Fiction available through Barnes & Noble for only $10.10. (Lighten up, I’ve sold only three copies. I need to pimp myself.) This beautiful austere paperback speculates lies, that’s right, just straight up lies about how the actual movie that actually exists, Batpussy was made.    You’ll meet draft dodgers, dishonorable discharges, abused women, abusive women, racists, so many racists, and they all fuck each other and do coke and speed together and there’s a tie-in to a nationwide car theft network, it’s really bonkers, I think you’ll really like it. https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/batpussy-charlie-pauken/1129374780?ean=9781538094839