#and you know me....short essays to Hope i've made some point about something that would probably be someone else's sentence or paragraph

[unproduciblesmackdown]

speaking of, i’ve seen some like reblog addition once or twice in these past 7 years and been annoyed enough about disagreeing analytically that here i am to just vaguely refer to it and repudiate it

basically someone saying like oh there’s that idea in fury road that instead of chasing after a utopia you should fix what’s already there / what you’ve actually got to work with

like they do in fact get to improve on what they already have to work with but there’s not so much a concept of a Utopia here but rather someone, for one thing, going “yeah this cool, better place exists that i want to go to, because i lived there already”....even these other girls for whomst it is in fact entirely abstract are a) aware that it is an actual place that exists, thusly, and b) aren’t exactly necessarily totally Idealistic about the entire matter, e.g. aren’t assuming they won’t be killed, don’t think they’ll be able to find it, & such

which goes into how it’s not that everyone’s assuming they’re pursuing something perfect out here, it’s that they’re all coming from their nightmare society where they’re not even regarded as people in their own right, and chasing Something Else, which is theoretically going to be better rather than necessarily ideal, and that, again, it doesn’t even Have to be better necessarily, it’s [inciting incident is all these people choosing to take these actions] happening b/c again it’s Something Else, it’s literally Not This, it’s Possibility that [this] isn’t the only thing for them or for anyone. which is an attitude that can be like oh how naively utopian lol of course this is the way it Is so yes, going “what about: not this” is so useless. but naturally i would happen to disagree w/that.

even for things to take a turn into the climax you’ve got like. furiosa has her emotional low point b/c her remembered The Green Place has gone to shit / doesn’t have those qualities it used to have. which is different from like oh disillusionment about a place you Thought was perfect but actually it wasn’t, rather, it’s just outright Changed in the last twentysome years. (and also isn’t completely changed, like, it’s still something of this figurative oasis, it’s still sustaining life in this desert, even if it’s not Plant life nor the people who planted it & rather, the crows & those bogwalking people & whatever else is going on out in a bog).....it’s like, okay Now they’re heading off somewhere that they Don’t know exists at all & nobody knows what it’s like b/c they don’t know if traveling east for months will bring them to Anything Else or not. but it’s just a less concrete version of what they were already after, Something Else, and Possibility. it’s sure Possible there’s something out there actually, though there may not be, versus furiosa knowing there’s definitely something else a few day’s out from the citadel, b/c there is/was, b/c she was there....but that idea there Could Be Something Else is again not like oh there’s utopia out there, nor is it even necessarily despairing, though going back & taking over the citadel Is more concrete, and it Is considered more hopeful by everyone else (who also agreed to the salt flats approach, naturally) which is fun since max Just said that the salt journey was too hopeful lol but is now the one coming through w/the more hopeful and frankly longer shot of an idea.

but also that the reason they change plans isn’t b/c they were ignoring or rejecting the idea of Fixing what was already there, it’s that it’s like, to turn around and go back would just be to die lol, the entire time they were outrunning those parties b/c they’ve got one truck vs [literally everyone else]. it’s certainly not all about convincing furiosa and co of the practical plausibility of that, there sure is like thematic [operating together / with others towards your aligned/shared goals] and hope being repeated specifically mentioned before & now, but it sure Is also the practical plausibility lol, when once it’s like oh you can’t go home again when you were abducted a couple of decades ago, their options are Go Back, where they’ll be killed, or stay living in this part of the desert which is i guess an option, but really the Most Active thing to do from their perspective is in fact to take a long shot, take advantage of the supplies they’ve brought with them, & all pursue the Possibility of Something Else. to consider going back at all certainly involves max having to pitch the idea that it doesn’t actually just mean being killed along the way, or once they’re there. like, they all of course have known it exists, or at least half of them do, having just come from there / lived there a good while, furiosa knows it has resources, but the resources They have are themselves as people & their own relationships, where they see each other as people, rather than being in that citadel with all these increased resources that definitely exist, but where everyone’s an object / tool / property & even furiosa having some power through being an imperator was/is certainly not enough where she had any feasible means to just avoid being killed if she tried much of anything. and where here their opportunity is that the main guy & his whole army can at least be held off long enough to maybe get a foothold in the citadel, making sure to kill the main guy isn’t even necessarily a step in the plan. however it’s fantastic that furiosa gets to do this personally with an epic line that also punches you (or at least me) because it’s also like of course this is such an implicitly fraught history for her behind getting to rip a guy’s jaw off. good for her with that specific revenge that semi spontaneously unfolded but was also imbued with Everything In Her Life. and the girls getting to help her along to that point including again toast as the most similar to her having a direct hand in the last seconds letting furiosa kill him, then being there to take over driving and spit on his corpse. anyways, the thing is that also they know even Maybe turning around would lead to everyone dying anyways, and many people do die, and they also can’t have been sure there Wouldn’t be anything across the salt (or they wouldn’t have done it) and Obviously turning back and taking the citadel from joe with its definitely extant water & plants (and even the people of course, given that of course crucially they don’t (and can’t anyway) just like storm and conquer the place and have to be Let Up / everything that unfolds in how people react to furiosa’s return and joe being dead) is the right (and/or rewarded) choice in this story and it is certainly the choice they end up making, but it’s certainly Not accurate or all that relevant to what’s more accurate to be like well well well looks like someone didn’t want to put in the work and is instead looking for utopia

reminds me very pertinently of like oh how about this postapocalyptic YA scifi novel where one teen girl is now the only person alive in this small town / enclave although she can’t know if there’s any other enclaves or people alive out there, until some adult guy shows up from somewhere and maybe has to recover from some injury idk and they’re like housemates or whatever for a while until he suddenly tries to rape her b/c oh postapocalypse, as a girl you Have to have earth repopulating babies, and then she has to like flee and try to survive in that enclave while he’s trying to sabotage her to force her to have to “cooperate” with him. and the ending is that she takes the like radiation armor or whatever hazmat type suit the guy showed up in and leaves him and that enclave behind entirely and walks off into what may be a totally inhospitable unpopulated world but where a) that guy managed to show up from the outside world and b) she’s like specifically walking towards an area where she’s seen some distant birds so there May be life, but there’s no further implication about whether she’s necessarily right or or whether she’s going to die b/c there’s no one else or no other hospitable area nearby....and if we’re going “fury road is about working with what you’ve got and they have to learn that chasing utopia isn’t going to get them anywhere” then we’re going “wow, a story about this protagonist’s naivete, huh??” about that ending. sounds like Someone’s a little too idealistic

also that naturally it’s completely relevant that authoritarianism as like a structure/ guiding principle needn’t only be found on a scale of [a whole country or something]. quotes about water sure but also the “that’s my child; my property” line, where’s that being shared, it’s not like oh that’s just [the villain] things lol, that’s like, a common perspective even if it’s not voiced that way. you can apply the material to w/e you want irl but in universe it’s like, this one place they’re from is known to not be the only place in the world, it doesn’t Need to represent All Human Society and isn’t That in universe, when i went offroad from [zooms off from parents’ house] i was like wow fury road moments huh. and certainly people have the stance of like umm sounds like everyone should try and Make It Work with their existing family units....and i have the stance of i wish i could fight with a metal arm. like, you wanna make it work that way lol, that’s a possibility. don’t have to presume everything out there is Perfect, or that you won’t even maybe die by getting outta here, but it’s Possibility of Something Else and is already something else, can you argue people necessarily need to be guided by anything else or that that’s somehow the Naive or overly Idealistic perspective rather than “how about you stay & deal with more of the same / your known limited paths for the future as you have for however long? try just keeping at it? see if the regime will feel like seeing you as a person when it’s never done that and to actually change and do it it needs to have Already changed and done it, so kind of an impossible position to be in” and the like. how is one gonna imply like well the mistake that these characters needed to unlearn was leaving in the first place, oh you think there’s something perfect out there, get real?? 

anyways the tl;dr is you know when someone’s wrong and you’re right. i’m really right though lmfao this wasn’t a story about anyone being motivated by the idea of this utopia, it’s about the motivation of needing something else / acting on possibility. and saying the conclusion is like “fix it” lol like again, not utterly irrelevant when these matters are discussed, but it’s like, they’ve Been fixing things, How are they able to fix things, why do further possibilities like “i can fix [the citadel]” become possible....survival happening / becoming more successful with others, individuals becoming more successful with others....people are isolated & stripped of power as their Problems, not that they’re a bit too idealistic about hey time to get the fuck out of here lol

[mykatsudon]

hi, have you heard the rumor that apparently a leaker revealed that mappa permanently shelved ice adolescence? i've seen that someone made a petition for mappa to say something about the movie but honestly i really don't think that's going to do anything :( it kinda makes me wanna cry thinking about how or why the franchise ended up this way, it was HUGE and everyone was so excited for the movie and i just know mappa could still make tons of money if they'd ever release it. i'll never stop loving yuri on ice and its fandom but i just can't help but think it deserved so much better.

I have not seen it and I do not usually believe leaked info like that but it feels believable. We're already in the middle of the year. I really don't believe there's a production going on. My common sense tells me that if there were any type of production we would get some type of promotion; posters, merchandise, VA projects, etc. something major is going on/went on in production that's for sure. It's difficult to understand why such a money making IP would do radio silence like this, to the point hey can't even put together a short manga like in welcome to the madness, or do another Sanrio collab, CD drama? anime café? the fact that we're not getting even those says to me this is canned.

As to why the entirety of YOI seems to be canned and not just Iceado I seriously have no idea, I cannot understand this decision other than this is something to do with it's creators. It would be one thing if yoi ended and that was it, story was over, but to go as far as to say "see you next level" and announce a movie, it's fair to say they had plans for yoi beyond the original 12 eps. YOI was highly successful, best selling anime of 2017, best selling blue ray discs in 2018, bunch of awards, It trended #1 on Tumblr and twitter every Wednesday, when was the last time we've seen something like that happen with other anime? only the biggest of the biggest trend with every episode (aot, jjk, demon slayer, etc) and yoi was pulling those numbers. I stand on my theory that if it were up to Mappa we would be on Yuri on ice season 3 with 2 movies and OVAS by now (7 years later) but this is something to do with Kubo, Sayo and the production team. perhaps they don't want to continue with this project, perhaps they got burnout. But I wanna make a point that I made in the essay I posted some time ago about my suspicions on what happened to YOI. The fact that Yoi was a big money making IP does not guarantee fast input of related media. look at Hideki Anno with EVA: 3.0+1.0, It's a Huge, popular property that makes a lot of money worldwide and still it took 9 years for the final movie to come out! Hideki experienced severe burnout, people who worked closely to him left the production and the whole experience severely delayed the project (this is what I've found on my research) People thought the last EVA movie was canned as well, and this was purely on the basis of the creator because the numbers were there, so the fact that it's taken this long for new YOI content does not mean it's canned forever, but it does appear that the project is in indefinite hold. I, myself am finding peace with this. I've accepted that the project is on hold perhaps forever, perhaps not. But I'm trying to find closure however I can. I do hope we get some kind of announcement though, I do find it kinda impolite to leave the fans in the dark like this.

sorry for the long reply

[art-of-firefly]

hi !! i hope ur doing well as well and that smth very nice happens very soon :> i will also send u many things too so hope that is ok !! and fee free to only do some

1 & 2 for takao !! 18 for midorima !! 13 for momoi !! 23 & 25 for akashi !!

Hi ! Thank you, i hope the same for you <3

Takao

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

The way he turns any potential bad situations or feelings into something beautiful and positive. It's something i truly admire about him. My main examples would be his attitude toward Midorima, Kuroko and Akashi.

When he learned the guy he wanted to beat was on his team he accepted it and changed his goal from becoming a better player to be recognized a worthy opponent to be recognized as a worthy ally instead.

When he faces Kuroko, his perfect mirror, and loses. Instead of feeling resentful, he aims to be even better the next time they face each other.

When he sees Akashi ability as a point guard, instead of being frightened or anxious like all the other point guard, he show pure awe and admiration. Jealousy is the kind of sneaky feeling that you can't help but feel sometimes, but it doesn't bring any positivity or drive to be better, it only makes you unhappy. But Takao never falls into this trap.

Even when he sees Midorima and Akashi doing their special three-point play (the Sky Direct 3P Shot, the official name is so dorky i love it) during the Vorpal Swords match, he doesn't show jealousy, even though he himself thought he would be jealous to see it. Instead, he is happy.

All of this speak a lot about who he is as a person. He truly has a good heart and he is the kind of person i genuinely aim to be more like

Sorry it was kind of long, but I love Takao a lot, he truly is amazing.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

Well, I just realized that I technically answered that with the first question, so instead I'll give you my second favorite canon thing about him.

I love how accepting he is. Midorima is a difficult person to get along with, and as Takao himself said 'one has to be flexible to keep up with Midorima’s weird habits'. And yet, Takao immediately accepted him. Although at first he made fun of his obsession with horoscopes, it never came from a bad place, Takao just laugh at everything.

Plus, he doesn't just accept it, he actually finds it endearing. He is so precious and the world needs more people like him.

Midorima

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

His relationship with Takao, I honestly don't even think I need to elaborate on this, TakaMido is loved wholeheartedly by the fandom, whether platonically or romantically, and it's 100% deserved. There are probably a thousand essays on them and their dynamics, so I'll spare you my own awkward ramblings. But in short, their way of accepting each other, of pushing each other to be better and their dynamic, everything is perfect.

Who wouldn't want a partnership relationship like this? The way they support and trust each other is truly admirable.

Momoi

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

This one 🌸, for her hair color and the sad scene under cherry blossom trees with Kuroko when the team is falling apart. I also think she would use it a lot.

Akashi

23. Favorite picture of this character?

It's really difficult to answer. I had to limit myself to only the pictures drawn by Fujimaki-sensei otherwise it would have been impossible. I think it's this one, because seeing him happy and surrounded by his friends makes me happy

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

I honestly can't remember, it was almost 10 years ago now. But i know i liked him from the start.

And now, well, I've drawn him a hundred times in the last 6 months and done a whole countdown to his birthday, exhausting myself to the point of getting sick. He is on my mind 24/7. I spend an unhealthy amount of time talking about him on Twitter.

In short, I like him a lot. But since this post is already quite long and I have been asked several questions about him on this ask games, I will go into more detail in my other posts.

[avathestarwarrior]

Hey there Ava, I wanted to say something in regards to those posts you recently made about your characters and art as a whole. Apologies in advance for the essay ahead, I had a lot to say and I really feel passionate about this because, hey, I've been there and I don't want to see you discouraged over this. First I want you to know that you aren't alone- when I was your age and still learning the ropes of art I felt exactly the same. All my friends around me what felt like suddenly jumped in their skills and only perfected their characters (design and story/personality-wise) while I sat stagnated in both. My characters were one-dimensional and I had little to no understanding of the major principles of art. And without a doubt, it is discouraging because they're being noticed for it and I hadn't made any ground in improvement at the time. This is a horribly common feeling especially for those without any access to formal training/teaching and beginners alike. Most of my friends lived in places where they could easily gain professional guidance and tools (usually through college, many countries allow you to jump to college while still in mid-teen years onwards), while I remember having to teach myself everything and struggling to learn even the most basic digital programs. Neither my high school or college (that I went to art classes specifically for, even the introductory ones) ever went in-depth when teaching the basics, and so generally I never had that strong foundation all my friends built onto. It's painful, but it's going to be okay because there are ways to help this. Now real quick, I'm going to go ahead and address what you were saying about your characters and art. Being completely honest, you were one of the first people I followed when joining this site, and I've really enjoyed seeing your work. While you may think that others would ignore your work over currently higher-skilled artists, I need you to know that there is a certain joy in watching someone find their way in a skill and grow within it. Drawing and designing characters (and yes, even writing them regarding their backstories/personalities) is a skill. For some, naturally they jump off and fly right away, with little to no friction. But for others? There may need to be a little more guidance and work. Some people also learn more slowly than others, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. You do not "suck" at these things. You just may need more supplementary sources to help guide your growth is all. That leads me into my next point;

When I said that you aren't alone in this, I don't just mean "I've been there". I also mean, there's an insane amount of free sources that are online you can use to push yourself forward. Pinterest has a lot of good references ranging from 'how to draw this' to 'something I can use for inspiration' and you can easily amass a huge collection for just about any of your drawing needs. Also YouTube! I stagnated in my art and designs for years, but when I started actively seeking out tutorials my skills slowly-- very slowly-- grew and I was able to not only learn new things but also build off of them from there on. Some of my favorite tutorial/art/design tips channels are: -Marc Brunet (short and sweet, easily digestible tutorials on drawing from a professional game artist turned art teacher. Just about anything drawing related is on his channel). -Brookes Eggleston - Character Design Forge (a channel specifically for improving character design (and a few tips on personality qualities as well) and some of the principles you can use to apply when designing). Both of these channels also have tips for the whole mental aspect of these things, which is very encouraging and helps when trying to get out of a mindset that may be hindering you and your progress, including artblock and feelings of inadequacy. I apologize again for the long ask, but I really hope this helps you in some way! Know that you're not in this journey alone and that with some time and a little bit of guidance, you will improve-- which I want to also say that it's much easier for others to see than for you to. At the end of the day, try to be a little more compassionate towards yourself, because it can only get better and I know you're doing your best. The fact that you're posting your art and characters online like this is already inspiring enough to many who are afraid to even start, and I genuinely mean that from experience. As scary as it is, maybe ask some of your friends or artists in general that you look up to for tips, most people are happy to provide insight on their work when asked politely- and definitely seek out some resources for yourself as well, those that I mentioned are without a doubt a good start. I wish you all the best of luck, and please take care! <3

Thank you there friend for this long ask. After reading this, I think I forgot something important! I already know these things and I have't tried it out recently! Thank you so much for reminding me and everyone who might come across this that we are indeed not alone. I am truly touched and I'll make sure to never underestimate myself again! Sadly I don't know exactly who you are (Although I assume you were like the first one to like the rant post I just made) but thank you again. And I hope that maybe you can like DM me? Anyways, thank you so much!

[rae-gar-targaryen]

SORRY FOR THE ESSAY BUT:

I found your blog when I was in the dumps about my life and what to read in general. fics have really gotten me back into reading and has been my greatest escape and hobby since I’ve made an account on here. Except there was a point where I was really disinterested in top gun and I was just reading for the sake of being there for my favourite writers. I actually grew really irritated with rooster and hangman at one point, like of course shout out to everyone and their wonderful work but I nearly lost my mind if I was to see jake or brad gifs again. The problem was that I was not really interested in other fandoms and I hated feeling like I was letting something really wonderful grow stale. Except one day I found your Mickey fics. Holy grail I say. Completely changed the way I looked at the fandom and writing and even language (girl I re-downloaded Duolingo okay.). I’m not bored with the fandom anymore, I’ve actually grown to adore it even more (and I like rooster and Jake again yay :)). I’ve even ventured into other fandoms to mix it up. Point is — I love reading. it’s really saved me and my mental health. Bouncing between books and this site has made me sooo much happier. You have a phenomenal gift in writing and it’s been such a pleasure to read. Thank you xx

Oh my darling -- I know it's taken me some time to respond to this. Would you believe I got this ask when I was coming off of a VERY stressful day and feeling like I just wasn't putting in the energy where it needed to go, and feeling like I was coming up short with just EVERYTHING (the holidays are so stressful, and work on top of that can make you feel stretched SO thin) -- In any case, then I get this...

I've read it an innumerable amount of times.

Thank you, thank you SO much for taking the time to send this. For telling me that you've enjoyed my Mickey fic. That reading has helped to re-spark your love and interest in the fandom. I completely understand where you're coming from -- I have definitely overindulged in fics for particular characters (and there are SUCH incredible fics out there for Rooster and Jake, and the others -- we truly exist in a fandom that's rich with talent), but then when you find something new it's like "WHOA!"

I'm definitely the type of person to fixate on a more minor character, and, with Mickey, well, it was a no-brainer. I LOVE Danny Ramirez. He was SO good in "On My Block," and every time I see him I think he absolutely indulges and delivers on every role he's in. I so wished for more of him, and I just sort of... ran with it. I'm just honored to contribute to the fandom in any way I can ...

I've definitely enjoyed expanding into reading for all of the characters, and even writing for more. I've found this fandom and these characters to be SO fun.

Thank you for saying that my writing is a pleasure to read, because it's a pleasure to write. And I want that to come through. I love playing with language, I love writing for characters that allow me to flex my bilingual muscles. I love writing casual intimacy.

I'm planning to continue writing for Mickey (and his girl), Javy, and even Rooster. So I hope you stick around. And you're always welcome to request some things when I post prompt lists. I can't promise I'll get to them quickly, but it's a delight to write things for others. (No pressure to engage, of course -- this ask truly was such a gift.) I'm sending you ALL of my love and my hugs.

Thank you for supporting me and being so kind.

[lochrannn]

Maybe how to stick to finishing your wip? Setting up fic goals? I have a tendency to abandon my wips for stupid reasons, start something new and so on and I hate it.

Mmmhh, I think this one is hard to answer, cause I really am not usually the type of person who even starts a job, let alone finishes it. Many of my irl friends would point to me as the person they know who procrastinates the hardest on basically anything.

But I think I've worked out why, I personally, stick with writing fic and usually don't abandon anything and write it within a relatively short amount of time.

I have a philosophy degree.

And though I loved studying philosophy, writing fucking essays and term papers was just genuinely the hardest mental work I've ever needed to do. Cause, yeah, sure you can research shit and bring together a lot of existing theories and ideas. But, anon, I tell you, I was actually quite good and suddenly had some ambition about a thing when I was at college (after spending all of my high school years coasting on the privilege of being okay smart and having highly educated parents), which meant I couldn't just phone it in, or didn't even just want to do a decent job, I wanted to write something good.

And fuck that was hard. I spent months tinkering with a paper, having found a subject I found interesting and trying to work out what my angle is, what my unique contribution could be. That basically meant staring at a flickering curser for hours and hours and hours and "thinking" (read panicking).

But somehow I managed to get a decent degree, said thanks no thanks to the offer of doing a phd and got the hell out of college to go do other stuff for a while and then finally trained in a very solid job that allows me to do relatively challanging work with cool people, but I never really have to produce anything or come up with major ideas on my own and that suits me just fine.

However, I accidently stumbled on writing fic as a thing that I enjoy creating/producing, and because we all basically know how a narrative works, most of the points beats along the way are easily set (I don't usually deliberately lift those whole-sale from a different narrative, except for my pride and prejudice and sense and sensibility inspired aus) but I don't kid myself into believing that my fic is in anyway particularly original.

So yeah, I just know which beats I want to hit and then I write what needs to happen to get there. Occasionally that's just pretty straight forward, not too flashy that I can't actually commit to it, but just well enough that, at least that's how it seems to me, the story flows and my "style" or "voice" kind of fades into the background. And then occasionally I come up with something that really makes me quite happy and I personally find rather artistic (like in the fic I posted yesterday, there was a bit that made me feel things). And then it's a bit more challanging but effectively as satisfying as painting by numbers.

So it doesn't scare me to have a story that I "need" to finish, cause I know I can and I know I will. I also have spent years and decades finding cool fics that got abandonned halfway through and hoping for years that they might get updated, so, maybe a little bit of guilt is also spurring me along.

Oh, and honestly, find yourself someone to commit to. Tell someone about your wips (unless of course this puts uncomfortable amounts of pressure on you) and then finish it for them. I talk to @pepperf about most of the stories I plan (unless I want them to be a surprise for her as well), even though she's much nicer than me and doesn't bully me into continue writing and if I abandonned somehting would never say anything. And I made a wip post that I feel I've committed to, because some of them are prompts and just generally I fear I could disappoint some anonymous reader of mine.

I guess, mostly if you want a tip, don't put yourself under too much pressure, but put yourself under a little pressure. Find yourself a hype person, or be your own hype person and feel excited about your stories.

I am, as some anon shokedly realised a few months back, probably a decade or so older than the majority of the people who frequent this website (I've been here for twelve years, I have squatter's rights) so through a mixture of always having a mildly inflated ego and age, I think I have a decent amount of confidence. And I have confidence in my stories. Yeah, I can easily tell how they compare to better writers, but I also think they are perfectly adequate and entertaining and they're the sort of thing I would want to read.

So, yeah, put a little bit but not too much pressure on yourself, and indulge yourself. It's supposed to be a hobby.

(oh, also, I only ever start writing when I'm relatively sure I've actually got enough of an idea to finish it. Everything else is not an abandonned wip, it's a wonderful day dream <3)

[k-indie]

What Is It?

pair: stressed!ran x reader

tags: minor hint of NSFW so don't interact minors, gone have a problem. Thanks. Use of profanity.

prompt: Ran's in love and he realizes that you don't even know.

Extremely short/ super fluffy discs of cake with syrup on top and it's about to hit that critical point of syrup absorption that turns the cake into a gross paste.

Whatever had you focused on your screen made Ran jealous as he watched your fingers drum across the keyboard quickly and occasionally huff and puff at whatever work took your attention from him. On the occasion though, he did get the joy of hearing your sweet voice asking him questions regarding his day, something about getting food when you were done, and how soon that would be.

He waited for almost an hour to watch you finish some sort of essay or whatnot that you were typing up for your friend. He hated that you took the friend up on such a deal; 5000 yen for a paper that could've been half-assed and still passed.

"Ran, you paying attention? I'm almost done with this, but the ending is killing me... You know a lot about Tokyo's drug trafficking stuff, right? I know it's a sensitive topic but is there anything you could shed light on for me that will keep me from having to look it up online?"

Your hopeful gaze made him feel so good, after fifteen minutes of not having heard a single peep from you between you asking him those strings of questions to now, and it bothered him.

A long sigh slipped from his lips, eyes rolling and he shook his head. "Nope."

You knew something was wrong with him for sure but not sure what. "Really? You always help me with stuff like this. Why not now?"

And he did usually give you information regarding certain topics for the sake of helping you or your friend finish college papers if they were regarding crimes or anything of the like. But here he was now, ignoring the need you held for help.

"What is wrong with you?"

His violet gaze bored into yours, "Nothing."

It was too curt, too vicious and he wasn't really like this with you. So, what was the change? Perhaps he had a long day and needed to talk it out like you normally would with him, something he cherished because no matter what he said, you could always make him think differently about the situation or call him down quicker than his own brother could.

You sighed, watching him pout in that manly Ran way that was a mild nuisance to you, and you turned back to the laptop, saved the document, and closed it while saying what was in your mind.

"You are almost never like this with me. There's definitely something wrong and you're being a dick about it. So, I'll ask again, what's wrong, Ran?"

He refused to speak, eyeing you coldly and you rolled your eyes, biting your lip for a second as you glared back at him. "I know what you need," you rose from your seat at the dining table and placed a hand against it, leaning slightly towards him, "You need some head, don't you? You mad as hell because you haven't had any action all week, huh?"

You kneeled while speaking to him, eyes fixed on his as your hands began to aggressively unlink his belt. He called your name lightly, falling on deaf ears as you rudely grumbled about his attitude.

"(Name)! Stop," his hands gripped both of yours tight, not even halfway through unzipping his slacks before he discontinued your movements, larger hands pressing yours together, "Nothing... is wrong. I've just come to the realization that my precious friend doesn't realize I'm in love with her and I've had to watch her give all of her attention to an essay that isn't even for her, I've had to watch my own friend— who so graciously and greedily takes my cock into her tight, little cunt—ignore my advances all week for said essay, and I've had no time to even get a good conversation in with her and I needed that the most. I miss you, that's the problem. I don't even think you love me back, I just hate watching you give your time and attention to anyone or anything that isn't me or mine."

Your lips were parted, doe-eyed glare widened, and fingers tightened, curled in on each other at his revelation. Ran is in love with me, you thought.

You couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't even think about anything but "my precious friend doesn't realize I'm in love with her."

He smiled down at you, verging on wicked with his eyes creasing and closing slightly. "Ran, I-"

He shushed you too fast, finger pressed lightly against your lip before turning it and pressing his thumb to your chin and tilting your head up more, guiding you to rise and straddle his lap in the chair. "No, Ran, I love you, too. I just... Didn't think you would want me to say that what with the relationship dynamic we have. I mean, friends with benefits doesn't always work out, so I kind of assumed I was alone in th-"

His lips found yours, one hand trailing your side up and down as the other held the back of head. He was more than happy to know you loved him too, but he was a little disheartened at the fact that you really didn't realize he loved you.

"Suppose I'll have to show you that you're not alone in this, huh?"

[sciencewithottsnpotts]

Buried In The Nightshade

Spencer Reid x gn!reader

Ahh! Ok. This is my first fanfic on here. But I’ve been binge watching Criminal Minds recently and so I had to post this! Let me know what you think!

Reader is an intern and an assistant to JJ. When reader is invited to help out on a semi-local case, even though she's far from an official agent yet, it just might be dependent on her to solve  this case.

Who knew reading obscure books by unknown authors could come in so handy.

I do not own any recognizable character or Criminal Minds. A fictional book title and Author are mention in this fic. As far as I'm aware Buried in the Nightshade is just a book and an author I made up for this story. Any characters or plot not recognizable  form the TV show are mine. Hope you enjoy!

Word Count: about 4,000 words (more effort went into this than any of my college essays).

Warnings- uh- canon typical voilence? Mention of molestation. Just the mention though. No scenes that play it out.

Not really proof read.

—————————————————————————

When you entered college with a plan to get a degree in Biology and a specialization in DNA sequences - you had assumed you'd graduate and end up in a lab attempting to find the cure for cancer. And you would have been incredibly content with that outcome.

But somewhere along the lines the world thought it would throw you for a loop. Halfway through your freshman year you had taken a psychology class. And then again in your sophomore year you took two more. Next thing you know your attending conferences with a professor who wasn't even your adviser and getting an internship at the FBI's Behavior Analysis Unit. Specifically you were working with an Agent Jennifer Jareu to triage through case file after case file (and help digitize them in the process). If you were being honest you were mostly doing the latter, but you didn't mind.

You joke with Penelope that it must be hard to have low self esteem with a friend like Derek Morgan.

At some point, somehow, JJ had convinced Director Strauss (or maybe she convinced Hotch who had convinced Strauss) that you should get some field experience. So, here you sat in a police precinct in a small town in Pennsylvania, looking over MO's and trying to figure out who this killer- correction, UnSub- is.

The weirdest part though- it felt hella familiar.

Like, Ive-lived-this-before familiar.

Or maybe more I've-read-this before.

"Holy shit."

You hadn't meant to say it out loud. After all, you were just the intern. You were technically supposed to be in the office, and even in the field you were just to help maintain the press with JJ.

When you realized everyone heard your exclamation you looked up sheepishly.

"Sorry," you could feel your face down to your neck turning red, "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."

"If you have something to say, y/n. Please, say it. This team functions best when information is not withheld." Hotch's words were stern but his eyes were kind.

You shifted in your seat, straightening your back and placing your copy of the case file on the table you had all gathered around.

"Well, um. I don't know if it'll be helpful. But- these killings, the shifting MO's and victim type remind of a book I read once."

You watched Spencer perk up at the word "book".

"What book?"

You turned to JJ and she nodded, encouraging you to continue. Your eyes glanced over the group. Rossi, Morgan, Reid, Prentiss, Hotch and JJ again before continuing.

"It's called Buried in the Nightshade by Gracelynn Bells."

The team looked to Spencer, expecting him to cut in. He stared at you with a blank look.

"I have never heard of this book before."

"Damn, pretty boy just got out read by good looking."

"Morgan." Hotch shot Derek a look to let him know to be quiet before turning back to you. "Continue, please."

"Well, it had a small launch back in my college town. Mostly sold through ebooks. It's set up like a collection of short stories. Each chapter involving different characters and ending with said characters death. Each one seemingly unrelated. Later the reader learns that the entire book is narrated by the spirit Death and that he orchestrated the loss of those lives. The final plot twist comes from the fact that Death does not truly exist. The narrator is actually a sibling to one of the first witnesses to the crimes, who was actually the killer. In the book, it was the Mayor's son, attempting to kill off anyone who could be competition in his father's campaign because he was afraid of what would happen if his father lost. Said father is exposed to be a child molester as well, and the entire estate is left to the Mayor's youngest kid who ends up in the care of the grandparents. It's this kid that's revealed to be the final voice in the end."

The room stares at you solemnly as they process your words. You want to say "I'm sorry I know it's stupid" but you can't bring yourself too. Because, there was a reason these killings felt similar to you. And you knew you were right to speak up.

"What was the order of the deaths in the book?" It's Prentiss who breaks the silence, though you weren't expecting it.

"What?"

"The deaths so far, have they been exact replicas of the book?"

"Well, so far yeah. The only differences being the amount of stab wounds in the second victim. In the book it's 31. Here it's only 13. But otherwise, everything else is like it's been pulled form the book."

"Alright then, how many deaths occur before the boy's discovered?"

You have to pause again, thinking through all the chapters in the book, before cringing at the amount.

"Fifteen."

The rooms silent again at your words. There were already seven of the 15 deaths fulfilled.

"Ok. So, we just had the man stung to death by bees," pipes up Morgan. "Who's next."

"I, uh, don't actually remember. But, uh... oh wait! I have it downloaded on my iPad!" You jump up and hustle over to your backpack that you brought to the precinct. Quickly, you grab your tablet and open up your reading app while sitting back in your seat.

It takes a moment to load but when the book opens to the table of contents you pause.

Chapter 8: Carrie's Carnage

"Oh crap. Uh, chapter 8 is where the local high school's holding its prom and the killer kidnaps and slaughters two of the chaperones. The killer follows them to the janitor's closet where they're having an affair with one another before he subdues them and and uses a few spare packs of string lights to hang them in the hallway before plugging them in to make sure the blood is visible. The narrator says "it looks like that scene out of Carrie, where the cheerleading squad pranks her by dropping blood from the ceiling. Only instead of just blood, the body parts came with it".

"There's a dance going on at the school tonight." All eyes turn to Reid as he cuts in. "I saw the flyer when we went to talk to the Richardson's. It was hanging on their fridge. Called it 1970's Decade Dance."

"The first Carrie movie was released in 1976."  All eyes turn to Rossi as he says that, before cutting to Hotch as he moves from his seat, barking orders.

"Morgan, call Garcia and have her get the number for the school, the principal's personal cell, anything and everything, it's six right now, and I'm sure the dance is about to start. When we get there you and Reid are gonna head into the gymnasium and see if you can spot a kid who fits our unsub. Loner, socially inept, distanced.

"Rossi and JJ I want you two to go around to all the chaperones, get a head count and make sure none of them leave the gym. Prentiss, your with me, we're going to canvas the school's janitors closets. We'll get Garcia to send us over the blueprints while we're done the road."

The team moved like a machine. Different pieces, same goal. Smooth as butter they grabbed their gear and headed out. It was as Hotch was half way you the door did he realize you were still sitting there with your iPad open, tapping something on the screen. You were just an intern. You had no clearances to actually be in the field. Strauss was actually quite clear that you were not to leave the precinct unless it was to assist JJ with the press or go on a coffee run. You definitely shouldn't be allowed near the scene of the crime. But you were the only who knew what the character does, and what they did in the book influenced their UnSub.

"Y/N," he called for your attention, "Is there any way you could print out that chapter, so Reid can get his eyes on it?"

Just as he finished that sentence, the printer that had been set up in the office whirred to life and you looked up from the screen.

"Already ahead of you, Hotch. Here ya go." Grabbing the sheets off the printer, you stapled them together and hand wrote a not at the top of the page. Giving to Hotch you salute him as he heads off the door, a small smile cracking on his face. Who knew he would be able to smile in the middle of a case this gruesome.

———————————————

"Thank you for calling the office of the oh so wise and humble Penelope Garcia. Speak and be heard," you laugh at your friends eccentric (and expected) greeting.

"Hey Pen, I need you to help me with something."

"Sure, what's up my fine furry friend?"

"Can you trace the sales of an ebook back to people?"

"Is this the book you told the team about?"

"Yup." Clicking on the other side of the phone alerted you that Garcia was already on the job.

"Buried in the Nightshade, right?"

"Yup, by Gracelynn Bells. I need also need you to pull up a list of last names for boys from the junior class and then cross check those last names to the ones on the credit cards used to purchase the book."

"Oh my little pup," you couldn't help but laugh at Pen. Ever since she found out you volunteered at the local animal shelter to care for the dogs there, she'd been referring to you in canine-related terms. "You are brilliant, I say! Brilliant! There's one name that aligns. Last name Peetridge."

"Are the Peetridge’s a family of prominence here?"

"Prominence. Oh my fluffy honey, they're a founding family. Richest in town. Eldest son is a kicker on the football team. Straight A's, president of the social committee. He helped plan the dance and everything. Exemplary records."

"Got a younger sibling?"

"Two. Twin girls. The one died though with the mother in the car accident. The other one's been home schooled since then. Living with her grandparents in Philly though. Seems like the brother's still really close with her. There's records of his cell calling a number in that area code at least twice a week."

"How many of those phone calls align with the days of the murders?"

"At least half of them were made the day after a death occurred."

"Alright. That's good Pen. Can you get this to the team? They're probably almost to the school but knowing this might help."

"You gotta chica." You went to sign off the call when she stopped you. "Oh, and y/n?"

"Yeah?"

"Go get yourself a treat. You did good. Garcia out!"

You laugh as the call ends. It's in the silence of the conference room that your nerves finally kick in. This is the first case you've ever been on site for, even if you were stuck in the precinct. But you felt the tension in the hair and didn't know how to handle it. So, in an attempt to wait out the team, you started re-reading chapter eight.

——————————————————

"He won't say word. No matter how many times we say his name or his father's name, or try showing him pictures of the victims, he just sits there. He doesn't even flinch at loud noises. How are we supposed to interrogate a suspect who doesn't react?" Prentiss was pacing the small room on the other side of the glass. You sat on a filing cabinet in the back, near the desk of the tech who was running the sound and camera for the interrogation room.

You listened in on the team as they discussed the best way to approach him now that their first few tactics failed.  

"What if he's not responding to his name, because right now he's not Andrew Peetridge?"

"What'd'ya mean good looking?"

"I mean, what if he believes he's the character in the book right now? He didn't get the chance to fulfill the killing? So what if he's stuck as the killer from the book until he succeeds? It could be a way of protecting himself, ya know?"

"That's a strong possibility." Mumbled Rossi, "What's the kid's name in the book?"

"Chase. Chase Wattigger. His dads name was William Wattigger."

"Reid," the boy genius' head snaps up from the copy of chapters 1-7 you had printed out once they said they were on route to the precinct with the boy. He looked at Hotch as if he already knew what was gonna be asked of him. "Do you think you could lead this interrogation since you've gotten to read the book?"

"Only the first eight chapters. Y/N would be better suited to go in since they've read the whole book."

"No offense y/n, but Strauss was very clear on what you were and weren't allowed to do in this trip and interrogating possible murderers was one of the things she said not to do"

"With all due respect to the director," the team looks at you as you cut in, "She said in place of interrogation I could help question the victims. Andrew is also a victim here. A murderer, yeah. But he was a victim first. Same thing with Chase Wattigger. They were abused before they ever started killing."

"Fine," Hotchner caved a lot sooner than you thought he would, "But Reid's going in there with you. I can't allow you to go alone."

"Are you ok with that?" Spencer asked you as he set down the manuscript.

"Yeah. Let's  do this."

———————————————————

You had been right. Calling him Chase was what was needed to get Andrew to react to the interrogation. After that, you and Reid got him to talk like it was nobodies business. The team watched, impressed, as

an interrogation that had already had 30 minutes of silence, ended just 10 minutes later with a boat load of info and the means to secure a warrant against William Wattigger.

When the team busted down his front door they found tons of child pornography and access to sketchy chat rooms on his computer and were able to put him away too.

Before they knew it, the team was packing up their suitcases and preparing for a drive back down to Quantico. Everyone seemed to be in a really good mood, despite the gruesome nature of the case. Everyone was really kind to you too. Congratulating you on your part in saving lives.

The ride back to the office got you back around 2pm and so you all ended up getting straight to the books to fill out paper work. It was as you sat in the copy room scanning in files to a thumb drive that you felt a presence behind you.

"Oh Spencer! Hey, what can I do for you?" While the two of you had bonded on the car ride back (a bond that was initiated by the double teamed interrogation), you still felt hesitant around him. Whether it was your silly crush on the man of the fact that you were back in the professional world of the office, you wouldn't know, nor ever admit to.

"Hey, uh, I was just wandering if you'd know where I could get a physical copy of the book?"

"The Nightshade book?"

He just nodded his head.

"Oh uh. No, I'm sorry. I don't. I've tried finding a way to purchase a hardback version myself. To add to my collection, but I've been unsuccessful."

"Oh." He seemed disappointed and at a loss for words. After fumbling around for a bit he finally got a sentence right. "Well, uh, would it be possible for you to print out the rest of it? I'd really like to finish it now that I've started it."

"Oh! Sure! Yeah I can do that."

"Cool, thank you."

"No problem." You turned back to the scanner next to you but realized he was still there. "Is there something else?"

You watched as a deep red blush creeped across the doctor's cheeks. "We'll, uh, yeah. Actually, one more thing."

"What's up?"

He shrugged his shoulders as he scratched the back of his head. "Would you-uh-well, like to discuss the book with me? After I finish it that is. We can go to a coffee shop or something?" He was blushing. Hard. And you couldn't help but smile at him.

"Like a date?"

"What! Oh-no. Not a - I mean. Unless you'd want- but I don't mean to overstep or anything. I mean-"

He cut himself off when he watched you stand up from your chair in front of the printer.

"Tomorrow after work. Brewstop Cafe? You like that place right? You buy the drinks, and  I'll buy the sweets?"

"Oh- uh. Yeah. Yeah that sounds great."

You smiled at him. "Great. I'll make sure to print the last of the book out tonight . Make sure you stop in with me before you leave so I don't forget."

"Yeah. Ok. I can do that!" He looked like a kid in a candy store. Or more like a Reid in an antique book store. It was cute.

"Sweet, it's a date!"

As he turned  to leave he paused and looked at you again. "How'd you know I like Brewstop?"

"Oh!" Now it was your turn to blush. "Whenever I come into work, there's always a cup with their logo on it sitting on a desk. I didn't know who's desk it was until we all left for the case at the beginning of the week. But then you met us out at the SUVs with a cup from there while everyone else had ones from the shop just a street away from the building. I kinda just put two and two together."

"Oh. Wow. How perceptive of you."

"Thanks?" You weren't sure if he meant it as a compliment or not at first. But at his smile you could assume he meant it.

"No problem. Well, i'll uh- see you later then."

"Yup! See ya!"

—————————————————

You had just finished organizing all your scanned files when there was a knock on the doorframe of your and JJ's office.

You looked up to see your boss. "Hey, Hotch. JJ just slipped out for the moment. She should be back soon."

"It's alright. I actually wanted to speak with you."

You couldn't help but stiffen up at his words, worry spiking your veins. It was always that way whenever you were called into offices or if an authority figure wanted to speak with you in private. Even when there was no need to be nervous, you were.

"Oh? What can I do for you."

He stepped into the office, taking the single seat by your desk. His face was less stoic than it had been on the case. Shoulders a bit more relaxed after another successful solve. "I just wanted to let you know that you did great out there this week. Without you, that kid would have killed at least two more victims before we got our hands on him. You were quick on your feet in having Garcia narrow down the list of suspects for us and you were a natural in the interrogation room with Reid. I know we haven't spoken much since you started here, and you hadn't met the whole team before, but you've been a great asset to all of us."

"Oh. Wow. Thank you, sir. I really appreciate that." You really did. It had been awhile since you'd gotten such a sincere compliment from someone like that. (Morgan's good looking comments withstanding).

"Of course. You deserve to know." He stood and made his way to the doorway. "Oh, and one more thing."

"Yes, sir?"

A glimpse of a smile played on his lips. "When you graduate and get into the academy, let me know. We'd love to have you on the team." And with that he walked out, just as JJ walked in to see you starting wide eyed at the door.

"Everything ok?"

You turned to her then, thinking. A compliment from a superior and a date with an incredibly intelligent FBI agent all in the same week?

"Yeah. Everything's great actually."

The smile she returned to you made your broaden your own as you got back to organizing the files on your desktop.

Yeah, everything was great. And would probably only get better.

—————- extra goody - ——————————

It was 6 o'clock when Spencer knocked on your office door. You looked up and smiled at him as he entered. JJ had already left for the day. You assumed so too had Prentiss, Morgan, and Garcia. More than likely, Rossi and Hotch were still in their offices as well.

"Hey! Headed out for the night?" You don't know why you felt the need to ask him that. It was 6pm. Of course he was headed out. And he was coming to get that copy of the book before he left so you two could go out on your date tomorrow.

"Yup," he popped the 'p' as he stuck his hands in his pockets, feet rocking on the floor.

You just smiled at him and reached for packet on the filing cabinet behind you.  "Here you go."

"Thanks." He took it from you as he just stood there staring you down. You on the other hand couldn't bring yourself to meet his eyes. Blushing like a kid with a silly schoolyard crush.

"Well uh, thanks. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah!" You gotta a little loud at that and smiled sheepishly. "Haha yeah. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Cool." And with that he turned away and walked out the door. You had just sat down and turned back to the computer when you saw him peak his head back in.

"Y/N?"

"Yeah?"

"Why's it called Buried in the Nightshade? When, at least in the first eight chapters, there's no mention of the flower?"

You couldn't help but smile your knowing smile. "Well. I guess you'll have to finish it to find out?"

"But-"

"Good night Spencer," you cut him off. Your words were kind though, and there was a mischievous spark in your eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow."

There was an unspoken promise in your words. A silent "we'll talk then" whispering across the office to Spencer. All communicated through your smile.

"Alright. Tomorrow. Goodnight."

———————————————————

The next day there was small potted plant sitting by your desk, on the corner closest to window, atop of the filing cabinet you stored all your completed paper work in. A little label sign stuck out amongst the foliage, though you didn't need the sign to know what sat in the pot.

A freshly planted pot of milliflora petunias (a member of the nightshade family) shines in the morning light coming through your blinds. The flowering buds the same exact color as the ones mentioned in the story. At the sight of the flowers you turned yourself back out to the bullpen to see Spencer sitting at his desk (a desk that had been empty just moments prior as you walked into work that morning), his back to you, and a cup of coffee from Brewstop cafe sitting by him. He must have felt your eye on him because next thing you know, you're looking into his sweet brown eyes, a smiling growing on your lips.

A smile that doesn't leave your face the whole day as you watched your little petunias grow. Even as JJ sung her little "Y/n and Spencer sitting in a tree..." song under her breath.

Yeah- things were great.

[femininetea]

"Always expecting betrayal... But never from you"

The general who became a father to his soldier (spoilers for rwby v8 ch13)

Personal impressions:

I was so mad last week, thinking IW would have been defeated already/too soon but they tricked us. And I'm so glad it's a Winter vs. Ironwood fight. And the emotions.... I can't.

He was her father figure and I'm sure it was viewed like that from both sides. We were clearly shown what IW would do if anyone was in his way. Even when she disobeyed he didn't shoot her. He trusted her until the last moment.... We saw him get mad, break down and hopeless. But never cry. It's not just any soldier he's fighting. He's fighting his right hand. Winter Schnee, someone who was like a daughter to him.

But let's get to their actual relationship.

An essay on Winter in RWBY is planned btw.

Winter seems to have the highest rank in the military next to Ironwood, which is impressive for her age and shows her determination but also how IW believes in her

In V4 Jacques claimed that IW "stole his daughter" and IW hinted at that they often had this conversation

In V7 Jacques asked IW if Winter knew that Weiss returned to Atlas

From the point of V2 and V3 it seems that Winter still had contact to Jacques but not as much anymore in V7, something happened and I think because of the dust embargo IW and Jacques had their confrontation and Winter obviously chose IW's side and detached from her father completely

(It was always hinted (and I think even stated in the remnant guide book) that Winter protected her siblings and had to take the most abuse. And you can clearly see that by her type of fight or flight trauma and how she's literally supposed to represent the ice queen with her hidden emotions and stuff

You see her in that state of shock, fear, panic, trauma etc. when she realizes that she failed Ironwood. He was proud of her for catching Yang, Ren and Jaune and put his hand on her since they would be useful. Harriet then told him and I think this represents how someone like IW would be able to hurt her that much emotionally since he is in the position of an authority and a father figure to her)

Also he was ready to shoot his people at any time like the council man or Marrow but he didn't shoot her and allowed her to stay by her side

That and how she defends IW most of the time show how she trusts her judgment, IW trusts her judgement as well as seen in V4 when he told Jacques that Winter told him that there was a threat in Mistral

In World of Remnant we see IW walking past soldiers and Winter standing out. It was about the technical grooming of atlas students to join the military but you can tell from what we know of Ironwood, that he has a good heart (eruption fang made a vid on that recently)

When Winter told Weiss that "the general would have a place for you" She said it with such happiness, atlas and the military was winter's new home and IW gave her the chance to repurpose her life

She even defended IW in front of Jacques, her biological father and she takes great personal offense when his judgement is mistreated. Even when Weiss talked about trust Winter said that he would never hide anything from her

The offer with the Winter Maiden... You could say that he did this to control her and I'd accept your opinion... But there's one thing that makes me think that he still obviously also cared for her. Over the years he knew how much the military meant to her. She even told Penny that her life doesnt matter and only her job does. It means everything to her and like Winter said herself, she saw the Maiden powers as a privilege and it makes me feel like Ironwood saw them as something that would make her unique and give her once again a purpose that is unique to her and not just her being one of many soldiers

He even apologized, knowing it wouldn't be easy for her (since he expected Winter and not Ozcar) and when he had his talk with RWBY he called Winter her/Weiss' sister instead of just her name and idk but that just made this even more special

In Volume 8 it is once again shown how Winter is basically the one who also trusted Ironwood until the end. And in ch 12 she didnt judge him... She expressed her worries for his behavior. She couldn't believe the man who made her feel like she was everything would ever become so cruel

They way their worry for each other looks so similar

And while I know that they have a theme for the Atlas military , I think it's obvious how Winter looked even more like IW in all her outfits compared to the rest of the military

Many people think Ironwood is dumb for over trusting Winter but I think it shows his flaw as a general. He let's his emotions get in the way since he cares about her and continues to trust her even though she disobeyed orders

His last words were "As my last order: step aside", he could've just shot her again as she layed defenseless on the ground but he didn't

Remember how in the first episode he said "Thank you Winter, I don't know what I would do without you"

Right before, she said that she'll be fine without him asking anything. It sounds a little more personal in my opinion. Why would you tell your boss that you'll be fine without him asking about your status? the conversation was literally about Qrow and Robyn before but he looked worried and wanted the room for themselves and she immediately said that.

Some people also talk about how they emphasized with Ironwood in volume 7 since wasn't shown to have family or a partner yet would do anything for Atlas. But again, he did care about Winter a lot and wanted her to be save.

Something I also noticed when writing this is that in volume 3 Ironwood called her Schnee yet in V7 he calls the Ace Ops and her via first name basis. Clover said that he trusts Ironwood with this life and I think that's how Winter and the Ace ops felt about him, the person who gave them hope. Especially Winter.

And now we're here. Seeing the man cry a tear. We know now, if Winter wins, she has to kill him. Imprisoning him wasn't enough. And I think that will be her final moment of her being a "Ice Queen", when she has to kill him, she will probably turn to her emotional side and grieve.

As mentioned, the military, her position, her rank and Ironwood meant everything to her. She talked so enthusiastically when she had her conversation with Weiss about moving in together without their father and how IW has a place for her younger sister. And now along with Ironwood, both are in a situation they never thought they'd be in.

That was it from me. In short form , I just wanted to share some ideas and things I've noticed about their relationship and dynamic. None of this is meant as a romantic way and you can of course disagree but please stay respectful. Thank you and we'll see each other next chapter<3

P. S. Winter please don't die

[bluebudgie]

Alright so. That End of Dragons first opinion post. [takes a deep breath]

I'll make it as spoiler free as possible but obviously I'll be talking a liiiitttle bit about the maps.

TL;DR for anyone who doesn't care about the details under the cut: I loved pretty much every moment of it. Probably the highest quality expansion we've had so far. Do I like it better than Heart of Thorns? The answer is a very clear I don't know. Ask me in 6 months or so. Hope that helps.

Alright here we go:

I did a similar post when we finished Path of Fire back then, and it was a bit of a comparison fest between PoF and HoT, and.. I wish I could *not* make this post that way too, but.. in the end I'll have to compare the expansions. It is how it is.

I'll try to keep it short (You all know I can't.) Let's part this into different sections.

And let's start with the story:

As I said before, this is probably the highest quality content we've gotten for the game so far and that goes especially for the story. The story was exciting and emotional, the pacing was pretty good and every single instance felt polished and fun. I already said it some days ago, but one of these instances was probably my favourite instance ever in the game. The newly introduced cast was really strong and immediately made you care about them - and our already established characters got some interesting screen time and character development too. As much as I love the feeling of dread and urgency that HoT's (admittedly not flawless) story had - and I don't think anything in this game can ever replicate that special atmosphere for me - gotta give that point to EoD here. Y'all also know I'm biased for certain plot points they brought up during EoD.

The maps!

I've only 100% completed the first two maps so far and done about 60/70% of the other two.. and clearly haven't seen all the little details that you can discover beyond the "tracked" map completion. Buuuut... I can already tell you very certainly that neither Tangled Depths nor Verdant Brink have been dethroned. That being said I absolutely adore especially New Kaineng City. While not quite as strong, the closest I got to that Ley Line Confluence discovery "oooooh...." effect was definitely on that map, during night time. The jumping puzzle there is also quite lovely! It was a nice tour through a rather eerie section of the map. I think Dragon's End isn't quite as strong as the other three maps, but.. it serves its purpose as a large scale meta map. That being said, Dragon's Stand has the same purpose and is still more interesting to explore. That's fine though. Pretty sure I like all four maps better than any of the PoF maps (not including LS4). Maybe Desolation would make the cut above Dragon's End.

The Soundtrack............

Ooooh boy y'all know I could make a 10k words essay just on that point alone so I'll try to keep it as short as possible.

1. Like the story, incredibly polished high quality content. I've watched the composing livestream and it's incredible how much attention to detail, work, and also respect for the Korean culture has gone into the music. I don't even think I have to mention how this OST knocks the PoF one straight out of the stratosphere.

2. Can't wait until the full 8 hours (not just the official 2 hours of songs) are up on the internet because at least one of my favs seems to be missing from the officially released soundtrack.

3. Re: that ask from the HoT OST conoisseur from some days ago.. It's still the HoT OST for me. Not by much, really, because again the quality is absolutely impeccable, but there's that little something in the atmosphere of the HoT songs that still stands out. That said, there are absolutely quite a handful of songs in EoD I'd rate above some songs from HoT. There really isn't much in between those two soundtracks. If the final battle songs have to go at each other tho? Mordremoth does the race for me (the instanced fight that is. EoD's final battle song easily wipes the floor with the Mouth of Mordremoth theme). Either way both are incredible, but HoT makes the cut overall, with IBS as a very close follow-up to EoD.

General gameplay, metas

I love that really weird decision to finally give us actual ingame information on break bars and combo fields after YEARS. No really, love it. Especially liked that the story at some point forced you to use combo fields, something that has seemingly never mattered before. As an otherwise useless druid (but with a bunch of combo fields and cc!) that was pretty cool.

As for the metas, I can't really judge them so well yet. I've participated (partly..?) in the Kaineng one, as well as the big Echovald boss, and the infamous Dragon's End meta. I did like all of them a lot, but it's hard to tell how they'll fare in the long run. None of these is what 2015-2017 Tarir was to me, but uh.. ..that was special, let's not bring that up now.

OVERALL......

EoD feels like they took the exciting parts of HoT and the polish of PoF and made one ultimate expansion out of it. Especially during the story I had so many "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" moments (that's not a word but you get the feeling I'm sure).

I've been having a blast every single moment spent with the expansion so far.

[girldraki]

hi it's the anon who wanted writing tips for osdd-1a and/or median systems. not to say I realized something but god damn it made me a realize a ton of stuff and I've been just "wait, that's me?". now i'm questioning heavily sosdifjsd /gen

...well hey would you like some help with that bc we have a whole pile of am i plural resources sjfgsjklfjaskals

you mightve seen some of these already and you might’ve already gotten past the stages of questioning some of these are meant for (and some of these might not apply to you at all) but we hope at least one of these can provide something for you

alright, massive caveat that op of this one is an anti anti (which was not obvious at the time we reblogged it :/) but its unfortunately the best median-specific version of the “short list of traits that might be signs” that we can find

this one's focused on did primarily, but should be pretty applicable to osdd-1a if you’re questioning that specifically

similarly— this is a severity of dissociative experiences score that basically doubles as a list of common dissociative experiences; it has a slightly different (and wider) range of examples than most of the more common lists/scores we’ve seen

you might've read this one already, since it's from the vickis' site, but this is one of the best essays on the utility angle of the label

this is an entire plural questioning tag with about three pages worth of posts on the subject

it’s in the previous tag too, but here’s a short list of notable plural (generally did-osdd) things that might be flags

but, like, link dump aside we’re really happy for you anon <3 we hope you can come to a point of understanding soon and we hope you know you’re welcome to this community

[crystalirises]

I'm back :D

Hi! So I've had this idea where Fundy by some fluke inherited Phil's immortality, the SMP has long since blown up and everyone he knew has died. After a couple decades Schlatt, Connor and Slime find Fundy and adopt him. After another few decades, Phil and Techno accidentally meet up with Schlatt and the boys.

I hope I didn't spell anything and Thanks for writing such amazing works

Awwww, that's a bit sad, but I kinda made this slightly happy and just a short meeting between Fundy, Phil, and Techno. It takes place within a modern world since I assume everything went well and society advanced to the point of modernity (what is modernity in the Minecraft world though, honestly). Anyway hope this is good! And it was nice seeing you again pillow!

"I'm sorry."

"No one could have predicted this, grandpa. It's not your fault."

"But now you carry the burden of immortality." He felt a hesitant hand against his shoulder, Fundy leaned into it. "You got it from me."

"It's been centuries, one gets used to it." Fundy shifted on both feet, itching to get down the school steps before his dad came to find him. Techno stood a few feet behind them, the piglin hybrid still dressed in his professorial attire. "My dad and two brothers helped me."

“Your dad and brothers?” He could see the hopeful glint in their eyes. They were thinking of Wilbur, that maybe he too was immortal. Fundy sadly shook his head.

“No one knows what happened to him, remember? I never even saw him again.”

He ran a hand through his hair, refraining from tugging at it in frustration. Despite the centuries, Wilbur was still a very sore subject. It seemed the same could be said for Phil and Techno. Phil glanced down, solemnly nodding. Techno kept a passive look, but a crease in his lips told Fundy that he was upset about it too. When his dad and brothers had insisted that he enroll himself in a good college, he didn’t expect to meet Techno... as his History professor. Yet, here they were. “You seem well adjusted to the change of times, Fundy. Was it easy?”

“Schlatt, Slime, and Connor helped. They were there when no one else was.” Fundy glanced down at the street, wincing once he noticed a familiar group coming up to him. He took too long. Then again, if he’d known that Techno told Phil about Fundy still being alive... he would have told his dad and brothers that he would be spending the night at one of his friend’s house. “Wilbur should have known what I was during my first death... he should have told me if he knew.”

“Maybe he had his reasons.” Surprisingly, it was Techno who spoke.

“It’s in the past.” Fundy shook his head, “It... It was nice seeing you two, but I...”

He glanced over at the approaching group, waving at them before turning back towards Phil and Techno. Phil frowned, eyebrows furrowing together, it looked like he wanted to say something but Techno intervened. Fundy could take a guess on what Phil wanted to say, but their relationship had long been strained, and Fundy had found his own way in his immortal life. He wouldn’t wish to stay with Phil and Techno when he had a newfound family. “I’ll see you at Thursday. Remember, write your essays with a narrative standpoint. Don’t make it dull.”

“Yeah, I’ll remember Professor Techno.” Fundy waved them both goodbye before rushing off, hiding his snickers on the sleeve of his black jacket. Calling the Technoblade “professor” made him want to giggle at times. He couldn’t help it. He never expected to see Techno in a scruffy tweed jacket or a suit and tie.

“Hey, kid.” Schlatt wrapped an arm around him the moment Fundy got close.

Connor had a frown on his face, his eyes shut close like he was sad that Fundy was there. Fundy glanced over at Slime, a huge smile on the slime golem’s face.

“Oh.” It was Slime’s monthly turn to cook dinner. Schlatt had a strained grin on his face, but like the rest of them, he had to put up with Slime’s... experimental and questionable cooking. “Did... did you put some slime in the food again...?”

“Yeah!” Slime clapped his hands together, slime dripping from his fingertips.

His dad sighed, leading them back to the car. “Who were you talking to, kiddo?”

Fundy glanced back, shaking his head. “People from the past.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, I made Techno a History professor because... I don’t know he has the vibe (says the one who is not v good at reading vibes). Also, History essays my detested <333. And Fundy’s probably a ComTech student, but I assume (basing off my own college) that they also have to take History. I don’t know for everyone else, but it’s compulsory for us to take History.

Also, I don’t know why Schlatt and Connor are immortal. Phil and Techno are immortal cause they’re divine, and I assume Fundy is also divine in some way. Slime is... slime and it’s been established in canon that he’s been around for a while now. 

For Schlatt and Connor... I genuinely have no reason for why Connor may be immortal, maybe he got it from Sonic the Hedgehog, who knows? Am I saying that Sonic the Hedgehog is a divine being? Maybe.

Schlatt... I might say it was because of the whole resurrection thing, that it kinda made him immortal. But then... that would mean Wilbur is somewhere out there... immortal...

Just... something to think about in that case :)

[starrysnowdrop]

Hey there! I don't know how to write this so I hope you won't mind my awkward phrasing XD

I've see a lot of negative posts about the Sorrow of Werlyt Quest Line, some even pretty aggressive. Now I feel so bad for liking it, I love the Siblings and how Gaius turns out to be an actually somewhat good Dad. I like the fights a lot, especially the second one. Had massive fun with posing and fooling around. I also love how the Villain is just that, a mean bastard who deserves some stab wounds.

But now I'm desperately searching for other people who like this quest line. Long story short... I've just wanted to ask how you see the story arc 😔 sorry again for writing so much nonsense 💜

Hi sweetie, thank you so much for reaching out to me @xxcrowfeatherxx! Before I begin my essay long answer, thank you so much for the amazing ask!

First, please don’t feel bad for what you enjoy, or begin to think that your opinion is invalidated because some are really vocal about what they dislike. You are allowed to enjoy the Werlyt storyline despite the fact that there are some who dislike it. Also, please don’t take my opinions as gospel either. Regardless if my opinions are similar or contradict your own opinions, please go on enjoying the Werlyt content! With that being said, let’s get into it, shall we?

My Thoughts on The Sorrow of Werlyt Up to Patch 5.4

I think I will get the less controversial aspects of Werlyt out of the way and say I’m in LOVE with the fact that we are fighting the weapons from FFVII. VII is one of my favorite games in the FF series, so I have been hyped since Ruby Weapon was announced. I absolutely loved all of the weapons and their respective battles, with Ruby giving me utter chills with Nael van Darnus popping out of the weapon all gooey, then the absolutely EPIC Sapphire duty that is taken right out of my childhood fantasies of wanting to pilot a gundam! Emerald Weapon’s trial even on normal mode was so much fun, and it tested my ability to stay alive and dodge all the mechanics really well. And just seeing the VII weapon designs in full HD quality just makes me squeal with joy every time.

Now, for what you are probably waiting for me to comment on: the Werlyt story. Obviously since we haven’t seen it through to completion, I can only comment on how it’s going so far through 5.4, so my opinions may change down the road. That being said, I don’t hate the storyline, but it’s more in the execution of certain plot points that annoy me.

For example, I adore that we are exploring Gaius’ past and the reveal that he had more “adopted” children, as it shows the kind of person Gaius really is behind the armor so to speak. I don’t hate that the Raen kids are there, or that Gaius seems to be on his way to having a full redemption arc, unlike some more vocal people have said on Twitter recently. I’m actually all for a redeemed Gaius, I just hope they do it well, and not just brush over certain things... unfortunately it seems so far that they have.

Not sure if you’ve seen the meme going around, but after Severa explained her past to Gaius, he had full shocked Pikachu face, right? That bothers me, because how can he NOT know that a majority of pure blooded Garleans look down on other races as inferior? I mean, Cid knows, how can Gaius be all shocked about this? I understand that Gaius may not be aware of all the dealings going on in other legions, sure, but the overall ideals of the Garlean Empire even talk about “subjugating primitive peoples” (that’s an Emet quote by the way for the reference), so that sounds like half-assed writing to me. It seems to me that they are painting Gaius as if his biggest sin is being ignorant of the problem instead of him coming to terms with himself being part of said problem.

There’s also the huge issue of what sounds like victim blaming Livia sas Junius for how she turned out to be. Millisandia’s friend explains to you that Gaius always tried to keep Livia at arm’s length because she was getting obsessive over him and trying to keep the others from getting near him. Well, Livia was another of the “adopted” children as well, so if anyone is to blame here it’s Gaius, not Livia. Yeah, “keeping her at arm’s length” by making her his right hand! Talk about mixed signals here. If he knew something was up about Livia’s behavior, he should have done something about it to help the situation, instead of rewarding her for her devotion instead.

Also, others have brought up the point that the Werlyt storyline with Gaius and the Raen “adopted” children is sort of redundant when this has already been explored in Cid’s backstory, and I agree to a point, but not fully. The fact that Gaius takes in children and raises them like they were his own is not new to Gaius’ story certainly, as Cid tells the WoL that “He was there for me father, when you were not”, but it’s not explored that much more than that. And as we know, Cid defects and leaves Garlemald to fight for Eorzea instead of following Gaius. Therefore, it’s interesting that the Raen children look to Gaius as an example instead of what Cid did, so I actually like that we have been given more exploration into the backstories of these characters in this storyline.

There’s also the fact that people have been critical about Cid seemingly forgiving Gaius for everything he’s done and just brushing it all aside like it’s no big deal in this storyline. I guess people get that impression when Cid tells the WoL that when he saw Gaius again in Praetorium, he doesn’t know why he wasn’t that mad at him like he thought he would be. Now, I need to go back and screenshot this conversation just to be certain of the details, but the impression I got was that Cid had mixed emotions about Gaius, but he was willing to put it aside for the greater good (ie: defeating the Weapons that will kill all of Eorzea). Also, Gaius practically raised Cid himself, and in a lot of ways, Gaius was more of a father figure to Cid than Midas ever was. So does this make Cid’s feelings towards Gaius complicated? Absolutely! Gaius still feels like a father to him, so I believe Cid gets a pass for having mixed emotions about the whole situation. Not to mention that Gaius wasn’t the one that almost killed him... but anyway.

I haven’t talked too much about Valens yet, but he’s so creepy and freaks me out, and that’s a great thing! He’s definitely a change from our more sympathetic villains we’ve had lately with Emet and Elidibus, so I’m actually happy about that as well. I honestly can’t wait till that piece of shit dies!

I know I made this way longer than anyone probably cares to read, but I’m honored that you asked me for my thoughts on Werlyt and I’ll be happy to talk about it anytime with you! Once again, thank you so much for the ask!

[mimzy-writing-online]

What did the moment you realized/affirmed that losing your sight didn't mean losing all the things you've used to reading (ie social media/movies/books)? If you had to deal with it, that is, I've only recently followed you and might have missed something. I'm rather near sighted and my great grandmother (who raised my mom) was blind due to glaucoma not being treatable at the time. I got glasses at 9 thought I've been terribly near sighted since forever. So as a kid I used to think about maybe going blind a lot and I try to be conscious about blindness as much as I can. Reading and writing is such a major part of my life, I know I won't lose it should I lose my sight, but it's still made me hyper aware of accessibility in regards to sight.

So, I was usually okay with my vision loss as it happened. I certainly had bad days and breakdowns, but for the most part I was emotionally okay. I think a huge part of that was that I had exposure to blindness in media that wasn’t all bad rep, starting from when I was a kid:

1. My 4th grade language arts textbook had a short non-fiction story about a high school girl who was blind and what kind of changes she made, like having a cane and putting braille labels on everything. She still went to high school, had friends. There was a photo that was edited to be blurry in what I hope was a way similar to what she experienced. There was something incredible about it because to me she was just a normal person who saw differently, but her life was normal. Whoever wrote that short story did a good job if that was my takeaway at nine years old.

2. There were a few books I read around that age with disabled characters, including Of Sound Mind ( M C is hearing but his whole family is Deaf) and Things Unseen ( M C wakes up one morning invisible. While trying to solve the how and why of that he visits the library and physically runs into a blind girl. They start talking, he thinks she’s cute, it’s a romance. Cute story. I can’t remember if the girl was homeschooled or did special education, but part of her education was listening to audio books at the public library in pre-audible times. She also had a cane. I don’t remember much beyond that on accuracy)

Having books available to me as a kid with prominent disabled characters or stories about real blind people did normalize it for me

Don’t get me wrong, there was a lot of bad rep I found too, but it was easier to look at it and say, “I don’t think that’s quite right” because I had some good rep in there too.

3. At the school I attended from 7-9th grade, there was a girl a year or two older than me who was blind and I would see her every day between classes. I remember she had a cane one year, and then a black lab guide dog the next year. She also had a teachers aide going to classes with her. I remember she was in one of the advanced choir groups, but how I knew that was because in 6th grade my school took a field trip to that school to prepare us for middle school and we saw a choir performance which involved the girls singing and dancing, and after the performance my friend told me that one of the girls was blind and had a cane. (I was very nearsighted as a kid, I could not have seen that from where I was sitting)

I remember my thought process at that point, and it wasn’t “oh, so blind people can dance too.” It was, “oh, she must have worked hard to get the dancing right.”

4. There was a boy in my 9th grade English class who was blind, also had a cane and a teachers aide. I was too shy to talk to anyone, but I remember thinking he had chill vibes and that he was funny. He was one of the easier kids in that class to talk to.

That’s all the exposure I think I had before my vision loss symptoms began, which was when I was 17, though I had no way of knowing how serious those symptoms were going to become until I was in my twenties.

A big thing for comfortably transitioning (emotionally) with my vision loss was Molly Burke, who began her YouTube channel in 2015. I think I found her channel in the summer or fall of 2016, right as my symptoms began to evolve from “inconvenient” to painful, concerning, and difficult to deal with. She’s only a year older than me and while she came across more closed off and introverted in the early part of her YouTube career, she was incredibly personal and relatable. She had a career, she had lived alone in a big city, she traveled for work, and was incredibly independent.

But more importantly, she was independent because of the blindness life skills she had spent her life learning. O&M, Braille, using screen readers on her laptop and phone, shopping and picking her own outfits with a combination of touch and communicating with a sighted loved one. Having a set routine for everything, including makeup. She had her shit down because she’d practiced at it. So, reasonably, I could get my shit together if I took the time to learn how too.

Individual moments are harder to come by, but here is a distinct one:

-My first time using a cane was life changing because I wasn’t scared of my next two steps anymore and I could walk on my own again. The first moment of walking independently without anxiety was its own high, because I had taken a small part of my life and independence back.

For an essay, I would write: Through the internet, I found the disability community and blind role models who were living independent, happy lives because of the adapted life skills they learned.

I found my blind role models through the internet and studied what skills and changes they’d made to their lives and incorporated them into mine. 

(kind of a spin off on that, but it gave me the following sentences)

This meant reaching out to schools for the blind, and 

(which isn’t the prettiest sentence, but you’re looking at the first draft and my thought process. I pick the best bits and move forward with that. This whole process is me getting all my thoughts out and finding the most important details and translating them into something concise and simple)

[sendnotes]

books i read in april.

this is going to be my thing from now on. i'll compile a list of all the books i read in a month and share my thoughts on each one every end of the month.

just so you know, i'm a little forgetful, and i have a tendency to forget names, plots, and other details. i'm hoping that writing these will aid my memory in recalling how i felt about each novel.

you can also find me on goodreads

so, let’s begin, shall we?

101 essays that will change the way you think (wiest, brianna)

self-help book

this book got off to a good start! some of the essays written (or should i say a collection of articles originally published on the thoughtcatalog website) made me think and consider my outlook on life, love, and so on.

the title overstates the case though. when i think of an essay, i picture something more argumentative and philosophical. not to mention that the majority of the ideas in this book are redundant. it made it difficult to get through. nonetheless, i was able to get past it because there were so many fantastic concepts and topics discussed.

overall, it's an interesting & worthwhile read for those who enjoy thinking outside the box.i lost count of how many times this book gave me aha moments. i swear, most of the entries soothed my mind and provided a great pick-me-up when life seemed to be frustrating.

the midnight library (haig, matt)

science fiction, fantasy fiction, psychological fiction

regrets, self-remorse, what ifs, family approval, drugs, dreams, love, passion, hatred, death, afterlife, multiverses, quantum physics, and a plethora of possibilities packed into a 304-page book.

i'll be honest: this book is already on my list of favorites. i'm simply blown away by how well-crafted and diverse the entire story unfolded.

a sci-fi novel with a dash of fantasy and a smidgeon of philosophy. if that's your thing, you should give this book a shot.

the first few pages of the book gave me an impression and led me to surmise it was going to be a cheesy ass chick lit novel that i'd only read and find enjoyable in high school. i was completely off base. it proved to be very mature, full of lessons, but delivered in a fun and entertaining manner— exactly my cup of tea.

it reminded me of a disney pixar film called soul, in which the afterlife is depicted in vivid detail. they differ on so many levels, but they both imagine life after death for people who are unsure of their path, purpose, and passion.

every chapter served a significant concept, so this book is well-deserved of a 5-star rating!

norwegian wood (murakami, haruki)

fiction, romance novel, bildungsroman

as i read the book and neared the end, all i could think about was how this book became one of murakami's most popular and influential works.

murakami offers a sprawling glimpse into the lives of a group of severely damaged youths grappling with the realities of what emptiness entails. take what you will from it.

i know a lot of people like it, which is fine. but please keep in mind that this book hit me square in the gut. it alternated between making me angry, sad, annoyed, and disgusted almost constantly. there isn't much else.

this book should come with a warning: "this is not a good place to start if you're new to murakami's works. this is not a representative of murakami's brilliance."

fist and foremost, the characters in this book are all repulsive.

toru watanabe was a fuckboy and a softboy rolled into one. what could possibly be worse than that? he'd have as many casual sexual partners as he could while also buttering a girl up by appealing to her emotions and displaying a "sensitive" and "vulnerable" side.

this book was made even more depressing by the fact that each female character was needy, weak, dysfunctional, and dependent. since they're all the same, i'm not going to go over each of these female characters one by one. you already get the idea.

reiko ishida, imo, was one of the best rendered sections of the novel. most likely because she had a better grasp on her emotions and goals than the still seeking youths... until, *spoiler alert* she wanted to do it with toru as well. a big disappointment.

to summarize, this book is primarily concerned with two topics: sex and death.

hidden meanings are everywhere, but when you get to the core, that's all that remains.

the four agreements: a practical guide to personal freedom (ruiz, miguel)

self-help book

first agreement ⏤ be impeccable with your word

this essentially means that you should not spew gossip or use words to harm others. because words have tremendous power and can cause significant harm. you are not only negatively affecting others with your hateful and thoughtless words, but you are also hurting yourself. this is something with which i generally agree. how i see it, when people are unhappy with themselves, they turn to others to make themselves feel better. as a result, they gossip about others in order to divert attention away from themselves.

second agreement ⏤don't take anything personally

alright. sure. don't let what others say about you bother you. it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. well, i don't entirely agree, but i think it's a fantastic idea in general. however, achieving this goal will be extremely difficult. i believe it would take a lot of practice to reach this level of zen. plus, i honestly believe that other people's opinions still matter because they keep you in check. the best advice is to not be swayed by these opinions, but to consider why they were expressed in the first place. see what you can do to improve yourself from there. sure, it can be difficult to deal with; after all, no one likes being told they're wrong or whatnot. but it's not all bad news because you can sometimes use criticism and judgment to give you a competitive edge. i mean- don't you think hearing someone else's point of view is also an opportunity to learn and progress? ruiz should have stressed that it's not just about "not taking it personally because you know you're not that person," but also about not retaliating with an extreme knee-jerk reaction even if you believe you're being unfairly criticized.

third agreement ⏤ don't make assumptions

this is a real eye-opener for me. i've noticed that whenever i become enraged by someone's words, it's usually due to my tendency to assume. personally, i can't help but make assumptions. i don't know what other people's motivations are, and i can't help but draw conclusions based on the information i have. even if the other person had no intention of causing me harm, it's too late. the thought has become ingrained in my mind, and i never ask for clarification out of pride or fear of appearing overly sensitive.

fourth agreement ⏤ always do your best

this section did not seem particularly useful to me. i mean, aren't we all reminded of this all the time? this section is filled with sloppy writing, in my opinion. as if he badly wanted to finish the book and impulsively thought: "okay, fourth agreement: always do your best. that should suffice. lmao"

overall opinion: the third agreement was my favorite, but the rest were a no-go. don't get me wrong, i appreciated his ideas, but i've heard them all a hundred times before. basically, the book's sole takeaway is that we are all suffering in some way in our daily lives, and we are all dealing with different issues. regardless, we all need to be kinder and gentler to ourselves and others.

the song of achilles (miller, madeline)

romance novel, historical Fiction, war story

i'll keep it short and sweet:

i really wouldn't have had this book any other way. miller's writing is breathtaking, so rich and full of lovely detail. it's incredibly a unique concept to me that authors are rewriting such ancient history and stories to make them lgbt+!

some suggest it's tedious, but i disagree. it isn't slow; rather, it is just right.

'cause at the end of the day, it's not about war, tragedy, or heroes - it's a slow-burning, organic love tale between two young men and their inevitable connection.

it's sad, tender, and painful, but in the best way possible.

circe (miller, madeline)

novel, historical fiction, fantasy fiction

"greek mythology, but with a feminist twist"?! sign me the hell up! this piqued my interest... only to leave me feeling completely let down. seriously now. circe was described as a "badass empowered woman," which was the single most compelling selling point for me, and thus the most wrenching disappointment, i must say.

sure, it demonstrated the value of feminine power, but it also did represent how this power can be a force of good or evil.

not to mention the fact that circe fucked a married man or two in this book- i mean- how is that an ~empowered woman~?

let's be clear right off the bat: madeline miller's follow-up to the song of achilles is epic in scope but not necessarily in execution. to me, this read more like a tedious island tale. regardless of how many five-star reviews this book has received... i just don't think it's well-deserved. don't get me wrong here. miller is a fantastic author with a lush writing! istg- i'm blown away by how beautifully she wrote and carefully chose her words. even the most mundane phrases were written poetically. after-all, it’s greek mythology. but how did she manage to make circe seem so... bland?

[xtrippydragonx]

Can I rant about Victoria hate? It's 2020 already and I keep seeing fresh comments saying Victor should have ended up with Emily and dissing Victoria, saying Victor didn't have any chemistry with her; this used to feel unfair but now seeing all that is just exhausting. I've been rewatching corpse bride and ended up seeing more proof that Victor loved Victoria that I hadn't noticed before, and seeing others turning blind eye to all that is rather saddening I must say..

they’re both good women and Victor cared about both of them, y’all are just COWARDS

But yeah it is pretty clear that Victoria cared for him as much as he cared about her, I mean she sneaks out of her room in the middle of a storm with nothing but a quilt she made herself, goes across town to the church and busts in when the pastor tries to close the door on her, and then tries to BUST OUT OF HER ROOM with a fire poker when they lock her in.

And yeah considering Victor RISKS HIS LIFE and takes on a guy who has a SWORD while he himself is pretty much completely unarmed, you would think it’s pretty obvious that he cares for her. It’s pretty clear that he confronted Barkis because he was an immediate threat to Victoria, but I personally like to think part of him wanted to do it for Emily, too (cause y’know. She was murdered) like the movie makes it clear that he cares for both of them, and they both care for him, that’s literally what a love triangle is.

I honestly also think that given the circumstances, Emily and Victoria could’ve grown to care for each other too. She protects Victoria from getting hurt in the church, and Victoria seems to have some sympathy for her (based off her overall behavior before, during, and after the fight.)

When Emily exposes Barkis as her murderer, Victoria looks at Emily with a shocked, almost horrified expression. I might just be reading into it too much, but she seems genuinely horrified for Emily. When Victoria is able to get away from Barkis, she runs straight towards Emily. They’re right next to each other for the whole fight. Victoria wouldn’t have gone right up to her if she didn’t at least trust her; there was more than enough space in the church for them to stand apart.

When Victoria catches Emily’s bouquet of flowers, she looks at it for a moment, and then looks to Victor, then they both look at Emily. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something about that, something about her taking a solid moment to look at those flowers, just makes me feel like Victoria at the very least respected Emily.

Emily looks back at both of them and gives them a smile; she wasn’t just happy for Victor, she was happy for Victoria as well. She says herself that ‘her dreams were taken from her, but now she was stealing them from someone else’. She specifically starts that sentence by saying ‘I was a bride.’ So to me it seems like she’s happy Victoria is getting to have what she didn’t; the chance to be a bride with a man she loves.

ALSO, while not entirely related, I really feel the need to mention this: the film was inspired by a Jewish tale (not sure when it was made, different sources gave different time periods), and at the end of it, this happens: ‘Overcome with compassion for the corpse bride, the young bride knelt down and gathered up that old heap of bones, carefully arranging the shredded silk finery and holding her close, half sang, half murmured, as if cradling a crying infant, “don’t worry I’ll live your dreams for you, I’ll live your hopes for you, I’ll have your children for you, I’ll have enough children for the two of us and you can rest in peace knowing that our children and our children’s children will be well cared for and will not forget us.”

Tenderly she closed the eyes of the corpse bride, tenderly she held her in her arms and slowly and with measured steps she marched down to the river with her fragile charge, took her down by the river where she dug a shallow grave for her and laid her in it and crossed the bony arms over the bony chest, the one hand clasping the one with the ring on it, and folded the wedding gown around her. Then she whispered, “May you rest in peace, I will live your dreams for you, don’t worry, we will not forget you.”

Now, I’ll admit I’m grasping at straws for this point, but I like to believe that Victoria shared the same sentiment, even if she never stated it.

I apologize for writing an entire ESSAY lmao (I just meant to type a short reply but I couldn’t help myself whoops), but basically what I’m saying is: yeah, I agree with you, anon. If you (or any of my other followers) bothered to read all of this, thank you.