#another reason I don’t like photography anymore

[allthemeninmybed]

Coming to the surface Part III

Read Part I here. Read Part II here. Summary: Reader is a member of the band’s photography crew and they are barely ever on the same page with Vessel. They both think highly of one another but it’s merely professional. At least they think.

Pairing: Vessel x mid-size/plus size fem!reader

Warnings: smut, 18+ language

Word count: 1887 - “No… Ves, stop, I… I fucking hate my stomach, no…” – you pull back from him a little, crossing your arm, trying to hide from him. - “No…no, wait.” – his eyes flicker with concern as you move away from him. He can’t believe it; he feels like he’s made a huge mistake. Your body is beautiful to him, every part of it is. “Please, let me try to prove that this is alright, I’m begging you.” - “No, I… I don’t like how I look and I… can’t believe you like it either…” – you start to dress yourself back, his wet kisses still lingering on your skin. It fucking hurts to pull away from him but you feel vulnerable. You fear that you’d disappoint him. You can’t risk that. He feels he’s ruined everything. You obviously aren’t secure with yourself and he’s beginning to think he’s forced you into something you didn’t want. His eyes widen a little as you begin to dress yourself, feeling like he doesn’t deserve your trust anymore, he’s hating himself for touching you. You can see on his face that he feels guilty somehow. - “You did nothing wrong Ves… really. It’s me. I just can’t get why would you want this.” – you point to your body, up and down. “You could probably get anyone by now, girls are mad about you and they don’t even know what you look like. You’ll find better than me, trust me…” - “Better than you? I’ve never known someone so nice and funny and beautiful before and that’s just on the surface. You’re the personification of everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman and you’re telling me there’s better out there? You’re wrong. No one has made me feel as vulnerable and accepted as you in a long time. So why would I want anyone but you?” He’s getting more and more frustrated; you can hear it from his voice but it doesn’t change the fact that you doubt yourself. - “I fear that I can never live up to your expectations about me. I’m terrified of the notion that all these things you’ve said about me will be shattered, that you’ll realize I’m nothing like you’ve imagined.” – you’re staring at him through a thin layer of tears. “I can’t risk that. I can’t risk getting close.” – you want to leave. You feel ashamed, you don’t want to see him. - “Don’t…” – the single word falls from his lips. He’s devastated to hear you talking about yourself in such manner. “Don’t shut me out. Please, trust me. You’ll never have anything to fear. I don’t have any expectations besides you trusting me and… being mine.” - “God, Ves, what do you expect me to say?! What do you expect me to do?! Fuck, you’ve never shown any affection towards me, I’ve always felt I was disrupting and annoying you whenever we talked and now this? You kiss my body, strip me down and tell me I’m yours and you expect me to believe it?! – your voice is shaky as you’re almost yelling. “I’ve always liked you… but you were so distant, so reserved, I… I can’t.” - “Trust me, please. Just trust me. I’m not expecting you to believe me – my words are empty if they’re not backed up by my actions.” He doesn’t like the way it’s going. He feels like he’s messed up and now he’s scrambling to fix things and make you stay. He moves closer to pull you into his lap. You let him pull you, he’s so magnetizing. He’s caressing your face gently, looking at you like a puppy who knows he did something wrong.

- “Ves…” The way you say his name, the way your voice crack is a shot in the heart. His hands gently run through your hair and he moves his face closer to yours, his lip caressing your neck gently. - “Please, let me give you a reason to trust me. Please.” - “I… I need time…” – you whisper, getting lost again in his beautiful eyes. - “Time? That’s acceptable.” – he brushes his lips against the side of your face. “I respect that… I just want to prove so much to you…” Feeling his lips on your cheek is intoxicating. Fuck, you haven’t even kissed yet but he’s already seen your tits. What a fucked-up timeline you have… - “Ves… please, don’t push it, I…I can’t resist you if you keep doing this…” - “Then don’t resist.” – he states simply. You gulp. The struggle is real but you know you won’t be able to give in to him, your insecurities won’t let you, not yet. - “Give me time, okay?” – you place a soft kiss on his cheeks, you can’t give him more but boy how much you’d want to. - “Time is yours. Just promise me one thing?” - “What?” - “Don’t shut yourself out from me. Let me earn your trust. Don’t take away my chance to prove to you, okay?” - “Okay…” – you smile faintly as you get up from his lap. You leave your eye on him for a little before leaving the room, not knowing what to think or what to feel about this all. <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 17 days have passed since the ‘incident’ and you haven’t talked since. You miss him, honestly, but there are no concerts now so you don’t even have the chance to meet. Maybe that’s not bad at all, maybe it helps you decide what do you want to do. Your daydreaming is interrupted by a buzz. It’s your phone, Ves texted you. “I thought about you every second of every day. Every bloody day. I wanted to reach out but I thought about how you felt and I couldn’t bring myself to. The way you sounded on that day haunted me. I could still hear the pain in your voice and it hurt to realize that I was the one who caused it. Please give me a chance to make it right.” You have to reply, obviously. “I’d be lying if I said that I’m not thinking about you too… And you are not the reason I was the way I was. Don’t you think that.” “But if I’d showed my affection a little earlier, if I’d treated you with some more warmth and kindness…” “Don’t beat yourself up Ves, please.” “It scares me that you would just keep your distance. I know it’s selfish of me but I just wish I could wrap you in my arms right now and take all of your insecurities and fears away…” “It would be nice… to be in your arms…” “I want you here with me. I’d hold you so tightly and kiss you softly that all of your worries melted away. If I could just show you how much I care for you…” “God, Ves… stop, I can’t…” You don’t want him to stop though, it feels indescribably good to read his words. His kind, loving, overwhelmingly sweet words.

“Can I be honest about something?” “Yeah…of course.” “This is going to make me sound like a dickhead, fair warning. It’s just… I’m still processing the fact that you let me see that side of you. At that moment… your body was something out of a damn fantasy… I felt like I was losing my mind.” You don’t know how to react to this, you really don’t know how to deal with this much affection. “You think…?” “Yes… and the way you felt under my touch felt like someone pulled the pin out of a grenade, it was explosive, dangerous. All I wanted was just to sink into you and never come back out. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?” My fucking god, he’s really good with words, no surprise, you think to yourself. “I think I understand… I felt kind of the same… I wanted to let you in so much, I craved you…” “You did…?” He can’t believe it. To be wanted, to be desirable, to have his interest reciprocated is so much more than he’s expected. “God, can I tell you something? It might freak you out…” “Okay… go ahead.” “I can’t quit thinking about the way you let me see you. The way I got to be that close to your body… God, I want it again so badly. It’s embarrassing to say that but it’s true. Please, don’t take it the wrong way. I want you, not just your body…” “You… you keep thinking about my body…?” The idea that he revisits the mental image of you being half naked in front of him does something to you. “Oh god, I sound like a perv right now, I really do. But yes, I do keep thinking about your body. Those curves, that smoothness… I’m getting worked up just thinking about it. I want to feel you again…” “God, Ves, don’t do this… now all I see before my eyes is how you looked while… touching me, while kissing my… my… fuck.” You’re getting all excited, he’s turning you on through texts, it’s unreal. “I can only imagine what it would be like in person now. Christ, do you have any idea what you’re doing to me? Your eyes were so sultry that night… looking at them I saw fire, raw and wild. And your lips… God, I can picture them wrapped around… around some parts of me…” Oh my fucking god, is he really thinking about my lips around his cock? You think to yourself. “My god Ves… fuck, you’re getting me all excited… Jesus.” “That was my intention. You can’t imagine how hot it is, that I’m making you lose control over messages… Just know that I’m thinking of you in so many inappropriate ways… Tell me to stop though, if you’re not comfortable with where we are heading now…” “Inappropriate ways…?” You simply can’t comprehend what’s happening. He’s so forward, he’s not wasting any time. It feels kind of off but you’re way more curious than to stop him. “No… I want you to keep going…” And like that words flow onto your screen, the images and fantasies vivid in his mind. “I’d want to feel you next to me, skin on skin. My arms around you, your fingers grazing over the muscles of my back. And you’re lying there, under me, you’re exposed… while my tongue takes its time, savoring the taste of you. I can almost hear every moan, every whimper of yours… The sounds between us would get into a rhythm, a rhythm that would echo in my mind forever…” Reading his words makes you gasp. It’s clear he’s thought about these things, he’s too elaborate. “Ves, you’re killing me…” “I... I have a hundred fantasies in my head and they are all…” “…all what?” “… you don’t want to know the things I think of you, not now at least. But I want you to know one thing; this isn’t some spur-of-the-moment thing. I’ve thought about you, about this, a lot.” You gulp. Sitting in your room, head dizzy from his texts you simply don’t know what to do. Should you take this further or just stop him before it escalates even more? You decide to reply. Read Part IV here. My lovely tag list 🖤 @delacroix471 @iitwo2 @romyislief @dangerkittenclaws Part IV coming soon!

[silencedrowns]

Wig Seller Masterlist

Some people on were asking if I had a post about this and I didn’t, so I thought I’d make a big master post of wig companies I like! It’s in alphabetical order, with information about them listed afterwards. Currently I have fifteen brands on this list, but if I try and am really impressed by another, I’ll add it. I hope maybe one of them has that hard to find wig you’ve been searching for! I have the color samples for Arda, Assist, Classe, Coscraft, Cyperous, Kasou, and Swallowtail and am willing to help you check if a color from them is correct or not.

Airily

Japan only brand, so you’ll need a shopping service. Wide range of colors, including some that are hard to match in other lines, and a lot of base styles that I like more than other brands. Sells both wefts and lace front pieces. Lace hairline wigs are also available. Fit is medium (not particularly large or small). Price is higher. Swatch book not available.

Alice Garden/aiyaya

Amazon wig brand selling lolita/natural looking wigs. The variety is not good but if they have something that looks like what you need to wear with very little styling, you won’t get something as nice for the price! Styles are all very natural looking. Fit is on the smaller end of medium. Price is low. Swatch book not available.

Aoi Wig

Taobao brand doing character wigs, so a shopping service is required. These are hands down the best character wigs I’ve ever worked with. If you don’t want to do a ton of styling and they have the character you want, you literally cannot go wrong here. Fiber isn’t the world’s most durable but will hold up for multiple wears, and the price is good enough to make up for it. Fit is slightly small but larger than most taobao wigs. Price is a bit high for taobao but is still dirt cheap for what you get. Swatch books not available but the photo color is exceedingly accurate.

Arda Wigs

American based. One of the most common brands for a REASON! Wide range of colors in a wide range of styles. If you have a larger head or a lot of hair, this is your new best friend. They sell lace fronts but not individual lace pieces. The big problem with them, however, is the stock issues. Colors run out quickly so sometimes you have to compromise on which style you buy, or place an order from one of their sister sites in another country that actually has the color you need. (OOPS this is no longer an option anymore! Luckily there are a lot of Arda wigs secondhand online.) Nobody has as much hair in their wigs as they do, which can actually be a problem in some styles; be prepared to pluck lace fronts and use thinning shears. Fit is LARGE; they have the largest wigs in the market. Price is a bit high but not exorbitant. Swatch rings are available for both their fiber types

Assist

Japanese brand, ships worldwide but EMS/fedex only so you’ll probably want to group order. Nobody in the market has as many colors as Assist; between their premium and basic lines, they have over 600 colors! DO NOT TRUST THEIR PRODUCT PHOTOGRAPHY TO PICK COLORS; you need to buy their swatch books or ask a friend who has them to help you choose, because those photos can be criminally inaccurate. If you ever order from them, buy a bottle of Face Cover Glue and watch it change your life as “wig sticks away from face and face framing pieces move out of place” become a distant memory, and I adore their contacts! They sell wefts and lace pieces in their premium line but not their basic. Price varies; Premium line is a great price for what you get, but Basic is incredibly cheap (but not quite as good quality). Fit is small; based on how they fit my clients they’re the smallest of the Japanese brands and if you’ve ever found taobao wigs too small, assist will probably also be too small for you. Swatch books or rings are available and also required.

Blue Beard

Taobao character wig brand, so shopping service is required. Blue Beard wigs are all affordable and decent. You won’t ever get a bad wig from them, but I’ve found that their wigs tend to require a lot of maintenance. Wide range of characters! No wefts available. When you find stolen taobao wig photos, more often than not they’re stealing from Blue Beard. The photos are all color accurate, but you’ll typically need to do a lot of styling to make the wig match the photo. Price is great for what you get. Fit is medium to small. No swatches available.

Classe

Japanese brand that requires a shopping service but oh what a brand it is. Classe has a wide range of colors but where it truly excels is in the range of extra styling supply options. You can buy lace front pieces, yes, but you can also buy stand alone skin top pieces in center whorl or long for parts. No brand is as flexible with what you can do with their wigs, not by a long shot. Make sure to check out their styling blog! Even if it’s all in Japanese, the diagrams are clear and the techniques are genuine life savers. The fiber is beautiful and the website’s color suggestion feature where the desktop version tells you a list of characters they’d use this color for makes picking colors a lot easier. You’ll pay a lot for them, but what you get will be worth it. I’ve been using them a lot lately because no other brand’s fiber is as easy to make behave like human hair. Naturalistic wig stylists and cosmetology people, this brand is for you! Fit is up to 59cm (!!) and is roomy in the hairline coverage to the point some people have to trim the ear tabs a bit shorter, although it’s my personal comfiest fit. (Upon further testing: Classe’s fit is going to be perfect for you if you’ve ever tried an Arda lacefront and found it somehow a bit too big in the cap but too skimpy in the ear and hairline coverage at the same time.) Swatch books are available and affordable.

Coscraft

Based in the UK but ships worldwide despite being way too unknown outside Europe. Coscraft is an absolute gem of a site with a wide range of colors (more than 80!) with plenty of unusual color options that aren’t found anywhere else that doesn’t need a shopping service, a decently large variety of base styles to choose from, and wefts and separate lace front pieces and stick on skin tops in every color. Unlike every other cosplay brand on the planet, their lace front pieces come in dark brown lace for darker skinned cosplayers and not just beige! (The skin top pieces are only in beige so far but hopefully they will work on this.) Also for some reason they sell ridiculously inexpensive corset coutil so for all the craftsmanship people, new source acquired! Even if you’re outside of Europe, Coscraft is so nice that it’s hard to believe their prices. When the pound is up vs your currency, they’re shockingly affordable. When the pound is down vs your currency, the quality per money feels straight up illegal. This is my current go to cosplay wig site for a reason. Fit is larger medium; it won’t be too big or too small on most people. Color swatch ring is available.

Cyperous

Japanese cosplay wig source that theoretically ships EMS outside Japan but I haven’t been able to get that to work for years so shopping service it is. Pour one out for Cyperous; they’re clearly in decline but as one of the original heat resist brands, they’re still here and still worth ordering from while you can. Nobody has as beautiful and delicate blondes as Cyperous; their Milky and White Milky are the best blondes I’ve ever used. They have a nice selection of lace wigs and the much rarer lace bang wigs as well as regular wigs, and wefts of course. No other brand I’ve seen has synthetic wigs that photograph as much like real hair as Cyperous. They can tangle a lot as a result but it’s worth the upkeep. I have no idea how long they’ll keep limping along, but look them up before it’s too late. Price is high but reasonable for what it is. Fit is a true medium. Swatches used to be available and no longer seem to be, but the photos are pretty accurate to my ancient swatch ring and newer wigs.

Five Wits Wigs

Five Wits is the most criminally underrated of the American wig companies because most of their stock photos suck. They really, really, really suck. The photos are somehow incredibly color accurate but represent the wigs as pulled directly from bag and plopped onto someone’s head or a mannequin without even combing them in a flattering way. I wrote them off until I got to see their booth at a con and realized quickly that these wigs are wonderfully made with beautiful fiber that typically photographs like a dream (how do they get such bad stock photos?!) and is so easy to style! Five Wits mostly stocks character wigs, but many of them are versatile enough to use for tons of other things and they offer wefts for some of their colors. The owners are friendly, the service is great, the actual wigs are beautiful, the price for what you get is wonderful, but those dang stock photos keep people from noticing why Five Wits is one of my favorite suppliers! Price is great for what you’re getting, especially for an American brand. The fit is larger end of medium (very few people find it too big or too small). They don’t carry swatch books but every single stock photo, despite being terrible, is an incredibly accurate depiction of the color so feel free to judge colors accordingly.

Kasou

I almost hesitate to put Kasou on here considering that one of the problems with them is that their shipping when it’s from their Chinese warehouse is occasionally “good luck getting your wig”, and I disqualified another past favorite of mine for this, but Kasou squeaked onto this list for two reasons: 1) their fiber and wigs really are spectacular and 2) they have the ONLY Jolyne Kujo pre made wig that I don’t hate. Order from them with confidence that whatever you get will be nice, but keep in mind that there are enough people who’ve had issues with wigs from their Chinese warehouse that you want to give yourself months of lead time if you go that route. They have a decent if slightly expensive price range, medium cap fit, and they do offer swatches. I NO LONGER RECOMMEND KASOU. I still stand by their products being nice, but there have been too many extremely expensive packages lost in the mail with them refusing to refund/replace among cosplayers I know for me to put them as a recommendation. If you order from here, do it with caution.

L-Email / wig-supplier

Not everyone needs premium wigs for heavy styling all the time, and that’s where L-Email comes in. This Chinese-based seller that ships internationally will sell you decent character wigs and decent base wigs for an incredibly affordable price. Nothing from here is going to be spectacular, but if your budget is low and you’re willing to put in a bunch of effort to make up for that, what you need is just a plain wig without tons of styling, or you want a character wig that’s a bit easier to upgrade with extra styling work than other brands because the hardest parts are typically done for you, L-Email is a great option for you. They’re just all around decent, and sometimes that’s what you need. Fit is medium, prices are pretty affordable especially if you go in with friends for shipping, and there aren’t swatches but the photos are typically pretty color accurate.

Sepia

One of the absolute oldest wig companies based in America; every cosplayer active before 2007 has bought at least one Sepia wig. They’re still here though, and now they have some heat resist lace fronts! Their range of fantasy colors is pretty atrocious but if you want some beautiful natural colors, you could do worse than shop here, especially considering there’s at least one more expensive brand (that I’m not putting in this list) that sources lace fronts from Sepia and resells! Fit is medium, price is medium, I haven’t bothered to see if they have swatches because I’m an ancient cosplayer and have the typical Sepia color codes memorized.

Swallowtail

If you’ve heard of this Japanese (shopping service required) wig brand before, it’s probably because the canon wigs in My Dress-Up Darling all come from Swallowtail. There’s more reasons than flexing about how you have the canon Shizuku-tan wig to consider Swallowtail, though! They have a massive color range with a lot of colors I’ve seen nowhere else in the world, and while the fiber isn’t the world’s most durable and is a bit shiny for my tastes in some colors, they’re affordable enough to be a competitive option even if you have to use a shopping service from outside Japan. They offer a full range of wefts and lace pieces and clip ons and a wide variety of base styles. The fit seems to be pretty true medium, and they definitely offer swatches (in the most chaotic ring setup I’ve ever seen. You’ll want to resort that one fast.)

Sylvia_Wig

You can get a lot of decent lace fronts perfect for minimal styling on AliExpress, but Sylvia is my hands down favorite. If you need a natural looking lace front and you don’t want to spend tons of money, this seller is where you should be looking first. There aren’t any swatches or wefts, true, but the wigs have so much more lace than any of the American or Japanese cosplay wig brands, the caps run much larger than most taobao/aliexpress brands (comparable to Kasou or Five Wits), and there’s still plenty of hair to do more basic styles. The fiber is a bit thin and shiny, but it still photographs like a dream, and dollar for dollar you won’t find a better balance between quality lace front and budget friendliness than here. The hairlines are so natural that I have a few from here that haven’t required a single hair plucked to just… melt into my skin. There’s a reason this is my go to first source if I want a lace front and it’s not going to be heavily anime styled (like JoJo or Dragon Ball or whatever). Color stock photos are incredibly accurate; you can trust that what you see is what you’ll get!

since people have sent me asks about this: I do not recommend Epic Cosplay at all anymore. Their construction quality has drastically decreased in recent years to the point I keep getting people asking me to help fix Epic wigs that are literally falling apart, which is enough reason to not want to order from them, but they’ve also had a decade plus pattern of labor rights abuse and employee mistreatment including racism, transphobia, homophobia, ableism, and pregnancy discrimination.

[cosmiccgloom]

please I need to vent I’m sorry can’t keep it in

I’ve been very close friends or even best friends with this girl for like 4 years but she’s starting to treat me so fucking weird and I swear it’s because of insecurity cause there’s no other reason she could be doing this

okay so she started acting different when a guy she was friends with (and I mean friends, she never said she liked him, in fact she was in love with another guy at the time) kept telling her that I was pretty whenever she would post a picture with me or something, now I’m not interested in the guy at all and she knows that, but at one point he followed me on my public photography instagram account (I have another personal private one) and I followed him back cause I follow everyone back on that account, and he went and bragged to her that *I* was the one who followed him first and she came and asked me if it was true, so I got the vibe that she was bothered by it and unfollowed him immediately, and thought that was the end of that, right?

well then I noticed that she deleted any photos we had together on her instagram, removed the highlight that was for pictures of us and our other 2 friends, and although we usually all post each other on our stories for our birthdays, on my birthday she kept making excuses on how she couldn’t find a good picture of us (we have so many pictures together lmao) and I was like it’s fine you don’t have to, and I really wasn’t upset at all until like 3 days later when she posted 2 of her other friends (whom she has known for like months?) on their birthdays, one of them she even posted just the girl’s picture on her own, so that would’ve been an option if she really wanted to? so that pissed me off, I know it’s silly but I literally always go all out on her birthday so it hurt me, in fact she literally told me like a month before my birthday to forgive her if she “forgot” to post a story for my birthday cause “she’s really bad at remembering dates”.. so that clearly was premeditated lmao

anyways it’s not even just that, we used to always like each other’s stories and reply to them and she stopped doing that like months ago, I kept doing it cause I was like obviously she didn’t stop intentionally but then she literally stopped replying to my story replies hyping her up and started just liking the messages💀 girl do I look like a fan??

so yeah at this point I’ve been trying so hard to not take things to heart cause it seemed silly and I really love her and don’t wanna ruin our friendship but idc anymore I’m just gonna treat her the way she treats me from now on

[rubyreduji]

My Heart Has Gone To You | 09

pairing: lee jihoon x f!reader ch notes: suggestive/mentions of sexual acts, jealous!jihoon, lots crying but idk if its considered angst w.c.: 2.7k a/n: AHHHH second to last chapter, im gonna miss posting these

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Despite somewhat making up with Jihoon you guys still seem to be avoiding each other, on purpose or not. It’s a few weeks after Christmas and despite still being winter break the Fine Arts Department has another event going on.

It’s a Winter Charity Ball to help get the names out for some of the arts students. You can’t complain too much because this gives you a chance to make some money off of your photography. Different art pieces are going to be auctioned off and the performing arts students are going to perform and get tips and it’s a big deal because some big names are invited every year.

You know a majority of your friends will either be performing or have pieces up for auction. You’re just excited for a reason to get dressed up and spend the night with your friends. The school is paying for everything which means you get to eat expensive food around rich people while promoting your art.

The ball is a week from now and you’re spending your days split between work and hanging out with your friends. You hang out with Hyunwoo often and he has turned into a type of life coach for you, at least when it comes to Jihoon.

“So he apologized?” You’re sitting in his penthouse apartment in a pair of his oversized pajama pants and your bra. Your dress is currently in the washer after it got dirty when you guys fucked in Hyunwoo's car after he took you out for dinner.

“Yes, but it’s awkward. We’re still not talking or seeing each other in person unless the whole friend group is together and even then we barely even look at each other.”

“So why don’t you approach him?” Hyunwoo has a towel hanging low around his hips as he runs a comb through his wet hair. He wanted to take a shower after you guys got back to his apartment.

“Because he’s the one who told me to leave! What if he doesn’t really mean his apology and he doesn’t want me around him so that’s why he’s not making the effort. I don’t want to try only to get hurt again,” you admit. “God can you put some pants on or something?” You can see the outline of Hyunwoo’s cock through the towel and even though he’s not hard, the dick print is still incredibly huge and distracting.

“You act like I wasn’t pounding into your pussy thirty minutes ago kitten,” Hyunwoo quips back but still walks into his room to get dressed. “Now you know I’m always Team Y/N and I know you’re not at fault here, but you keep sulking around about this guy so have you ever considered he’s afraid of you not wanting to be around him? Didn’t you ask for space?”

“Space doesn’t mean ignore me completely,” you groan and flop back onto the couch.

“Darling I hate to break it to you but to some people it does.” Hyunwoo comes and sits by you and picks you up so your head is resting in his lap. His hands play with your hair as he talks to you. “Maybe you should make the first move just to get the ball rolling. He’s probably walking on eggshells around you because he doesn’t want to mess up again. I know it’s not fair to you to keep putting in effort while he doesn’t, but if you have any trust in Jihoon anymore, just try once more. You don’t have to fully forgive him yet, but if you want anything to start getting better you guys need to stop avoiding one another.”

“Why are you so smart?” You whine and roll over so your head is buried into his stomach. You can feel him laughing at you.

“Ah, it comes with age.”

“Yeah because you’re fucking ancient,” you snort. 

“Oh you’re really going to regret that kitten.” Before you know it you’re in the air and Hyunwoo is carrying you towards his bedroom. “Let’s see just how ancient I am.”

You stare at yourself in the mirror. You’re in a silky deep blue evening gown that has thin straps and a slit up the leg. The cut is a little deep but the skirt is flowy and not tight so you can’t complain too much. You have on some silver strappy heels and Sana has done your makeup for you.

“Stop staring at yourself, you look sexy!” Sana bursts into your room.

“How did you know I was staring at myself?” You frown at the girl.

“Because I know you Y/N. Now let’s go, Nayeon is waiting for us.” Sana shoves your silver clutch into your hand and nearly drags you out the door.

The ball is taking place at a hotel that’s not far from the campus and when you get there it’s only students milling around waiting for the event to start. When you walk into the building you peel away from your friends and go find your photography professor who is overjoyed to see you.

“Y/N! These works are lovely as always. I’ve left your information next to all of your pieces but you can go check the setup if you want to change some things.” You thank him before going off to find your work. They’re in the back of the room near the other pieces of artwork. You admire your own and others’ work before a voice startles you.

“Y/N! You look so gorgeous!” It’s Soonyoung and before you can even react he’s scooping you up in his arms.

“Hey Soonie,” you giggle. “You look nice as well.” His outfit is kept simple and you think it’s because he’ll be dancing tonight. Him, Jun, Minghao, and Chan would be singing and dancing together again to a song called “Highlight”.

A voice comes over the microphone announcing the guests will be here soon and everyone starts to get together so be able to start promoting themselves. The people who are performing first go get ready and you find yourself standing by yourself close to one of the walls.

You make a little bit of talk with a few of your friends and a few of the guests as well. Your professor updates you every once in a while when one of your pieces is bought as well. Your eyes scan the crowd and you notice the boy who’s been on your mind all week.

Jihoon is dressed in a black suit with a maroon button up and a black bowtie. His hair is styled out of his face for once and you can’t help but note how handsome he looks. He’s holding a cup of what is most likely water as he talks with Seungcheol and Hansol.

He’s going to be singing tonight towards the end of the event but you don’t know what song. You think it would be nice to hear him sing “Simple” or “Second Life”.

“Ah, hiding away I see.” It’s Minghao who approaches you this time.

“I’m not hiding Hao.” You roll your eyes at the younger boy. “I’m just observing. I’m not really in the mood to mingle tonight.”

“Well then come dance with me.” He holds out his hand and you sigh but take it. He leads you to the dance floor and you’re thankful the song playing right now is a slower song. Minghao holds you gently as you guys sway around to the music.

“Okay Jihoon-hyung, be honest, what’s going on between you and Y/N-noona?” Hansol asks Jihoon as he’s staring at you and Minghao on the dance floor.

Jihoon sighs and finally pulls his eyes away from you. “I messed up, but I’m going to make it right.”

Seungcheol lets out a low whistle and Jihoon turns around so he can look at what Seungcheol is looking at. Tapping on Minghao’s shoulder to butt into your dance is Hyunwoo. He’s dressed in a silver suit with a silky blue button up to match your own ensemble. Minghao is moving out of the way so he can bend down to kiss your cheek and sweep you up into his own arms for a dance.

“Is that the guy Y/N-noona is seeing?”

“She’s not seeing him,” Jihoon spits out.

“I don’t know hyung, they look like they’re seeing each other,” Hansol mutters.

You have a smile spread across your face and you’re giggling every so often as Hyunwoo and you dance around. You guys look comfortable with each other. Jihoon knows you guys are friends but he’s still a bit upset at the appearance of the model, especially with how low his hands are on your back.

“He’s staring,” Hyunwoo says as he smiles down at you. “He’s literally in love with you Y/N. I know I’m not his biggest fan and he’s not mine, but he looks like he wants to cut my hands off for touching you.”

Recently Hyunwoo has been trying to convince you that Jihoon is in love with you back (“Just because he apologized doesn’t mean he’s in love with me.” “Oh but it does darling.”). He only knows your side of the story, and he’s still very anti-Jihoon, but he fully believes it’s true. He had the great plan of trying to make Jihoon jealous tonight so he could kick start you guys talking again. He knows that Jihoon messed up and he has a lot of making up to do, but he also wants to see you happy and loved. He also knows that if Jihoon ever messes up again he’ll be at his door ready to beat him up.

“Maybe if we sneak off for a little bit he’ll come find us,” Hyunwoo teases and you slap at his chest. He then bends down to whisper in your ear. “C’mon kitten you know you love it when I get you all riled up.”

Shivers run down your back but that doesn’t stop you from glaring at Hyunwoo. “Behave yourself.” He lets out a deep chuckle.

“Ooh lover boy is fuming now.”

You resist the urge to look over at Jihoon, instead rolling your eyes and moving your bodies so Jihoon isn’t in view of Hyunwoo anymore.

“Other than Jihoon, there are other people staring at us, who are they?” You look over your shoulder to see your friends giggling and looking at you. You groan.

“Unfortunately those are my friends who think we are boning.”

“Y/N darling, I hate to break it to you, but we are boning.”

“Oh shut up.”

You’re talking to Nayeon and Hyunwoo when the lights dim a bit and you hear someone start to speak into the mic.

“Hello, my name is Lee Jihoon, but musically I go by Woozi. I’m a singer-songwriter and a music producer. I’m going to be singing two songs for you guys tonight.”

You turn towards the front of the room, and there, center stage, is Jihoon. The piano has been moved to the center of the stage and he sits there, facing the audience.

“These songs both mean a lot to me and are written for someone very special in my life. I recently made a very big, stupid mistake, and these songs are to express my remorse for them and to try and make things better with that person. This first one is called ‘Don’t Wanna Cry’.”

Jihoon’s fingers fly across the keys as he starts to play the song. Your throat tightens as he starts to sing. He’s written more songs for you. Songs to show how sorry he is.

“Because I love you, because the words I love you isn’t enough, no matter what I say,” he sings and you feel tears already welling up in your eyes.

Jihoon loves you.

You know Hyunwoo is saying something along the lines of “I told you so” but you can’t focus on anything else other than Jihoon. Your eyes don’t leave his form the whole time as he sings. You’re not even sure if you’re breathing.

“My heart won’t listen like I want. Come back, come back, come back. My other half isn’t here so how can I live as one? I don’t wanna cry.”

By the time he’s done singing you’ve drifted closer to the stage. You’re sure that Jihoon sees you now and he stares at you for a moment before he starts talking again.

“Once again that is called ‘Don’t Wanna Cry’. This next song is to express my love for this person. I hope that it reaches their heart. This song is titled ‘Home’.”

His fingers start playing again and this time while he sings Jihoon’s eyes bounce between looking at the keyboard and looking at you.

“It’s still cold outside, the tip of my nose is tingling. Though we’re far away, the memories bring us closer. If your heart has a hole I’ll cover it with my hands. Even if your hands are empty, give them to me so I can fill them up.” By now tears are streaming down your face and you don’t care if you’re ruining your makeup. “Tell me, you’re mine, tell me, I’m yours. Tell me, you’re in me.”

When Jihoon finished the room erupts into applause but he can’t even focus on them. His eyes are on you as you stand in front of the stage, tears coming out of your eyes. He quickly thanks the audience before walking off the stage and straight to you.

You meet him halfway through and suddenly you’re in his arms and he’s holding you tight, thinking about how he’ll never let you go again. He wipes at your tears with his thumb and he holds your face in his hands. You’re sniffling and trying not to start crying again. He leans in and presses a kiss to your forehead. He moves his hand from your face to grip your hand tightly in his.

“Can we talk?”

You’re nodding and then he’s leading you out of the venue. In the lobby of the hotel there is an arrangement of couches and Jihoon brings you over to one hidden in the corner. You guys sit down and you’re aware you’re basically sitting in Jihoon’s lap but you don’t particularly care.

“Hey baby.”

“Hi Hoonie.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

You nod but you’re still crying a bit and can’t totally get the words out. Jihoon just holds you and rocks back and forth, telling you to take your time and that it’s okay. Despite your conflicting feelings you melt into his body, finding you’ve missed his touch more than you thought.

You are able to get your bearings straight and you sniffle as you sit up a bit so you can look at Jihoon. “I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen, okay?” Jihoon nods at your words. “You really hurt me Jihoon.”

You have been working out your feelings and what you would say to Jihoon with Hyunwoo but even now you’re nervous. You can’t even describe the emotions you’ve felt the past few months, so you tell him that. You understand that every story has two sides and that Jihoon had his reasons for his actions, but that doesn’t stop them from affecting you.

You explain to Jihoon just how everything hurt you and your thoughts on the whole situation. You talk about how you just wanted to help him and look out for him and he pushed you away and shut you out. You even call him out for how unfair it was for him to demean the work you’ve put into your career when he knows how hard you’ve been working. The whole time Jihoon nods, eyes only on you, and you can tell he is truly listening.

“With that all being said though, I know how much you’ve been repenting. I know how sorry you are and I trust in you to understand your mistakes and better yourself from them. I want to be friends again, but we’re going to have to take it slow, and I want to see progress in you Jihoon. Okay?”

Jihoon nods at your words. “Thank you Y/N, this means the world to me. I promise I’m going to be better now.”

“And Jihoon?”

“Yes Y/N?”

“I love you too.”

taglist: @pandorashbox @calvinkleinhoon @leejihoonownsmyheart @soonhoonietrash @crimsonnwitch @d-noona @niktwazny303 @brxzilianbaby @moshiyuron @chaimi-yuta @embrace-themagic @kayleeshinee @coupsgyus @joonsytip @luvthatleader-nim @wonchansbrooklynn @d0nghyck @stoprunningfornothing @noniestars @heavenly-mobo @sunnyteume @vtn-dahyun @honeylovemoon @debsworld23 @m1nghaos @lovelyp3ach @niyizh @cbgisland @kpopandbitchcraft @lorde-oftherings @mashihwan @17kwans @jeanjacketjesus @hoeforcheol @x-veex @synthetickitsune

join my taglist: here!

[uselessmicrowave]

May I please request a matchup with the TFP mechs It doesn't matter which fraction ^^

I'm 19 with long brown hair but I like to dye it different colors a lot I also have a lot of SH scars on my arms and legs I don't cover them up much since I don't have a problem with others seeing them anymore (If that makes you uncomfortable writing please feel free to ignore it I don't want to push boundaries) I also like to watch a lot of movies and play video games mostly horror genera but I also like to read too and edit videos and I love photography.

Favorite food includes pancakes and spicy chips but I prefer sweet foods same with drinks mostly leaning to a sweet peach flavored tea.

My bad habits would include shutting down whenever I feel like someone is just slightly annoyed or angry with me like going completely silent and try and avoid them I like to try and take care of others while completely ignoring myself and my own needs.

Pet peeves is when people are inconsiderate to others like speaking over people ignoring how they feel and I hate when people cause arguments for absolute no reason and won't listen to others.

I can be a bit oblivious at times but I like to be observant while being easy to spook I also have a cat named Blub I do want to get another kitty as well! I'm a big cat person.

I'm not that much of a sporty person but I like swimming and exploring abandoned places too!

(I hope you have a lovely day/night (⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠｡⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠♡ )

Hello anon! I’ll match you up with TFP Dreadwing!

He’ll definitely take you to abandoned human buildings he’s found while flying around.

He’s very patient with you when you shut down, always very understanding and gentle.

He thinks that your dyed hair is interesting, he’d love to help you dye it again or touch it up.

Dreadwing thinks it’s admirable that you don’t cover your scars, so that everyone knows how strong and resilient you are.

Since you can’t exactly break up arguments yourself, he’ll definitely try to do it for you. He can’t really talk back to his higher officers but he will break up fights between the vehicons to make you happy.

He is also a cat person, even if he doesn’t know it yet. He loves your cat, he wishes he could carry the cat around with you.

[allfattenedup]

omg that halloween video was filmed over a (1!) year?! you already put so much work into making high quality videos, but that's some serious dedication! insane! rapid weight gain isn't usually what I go for but holy fuck the quality! do you have any video style inspirations? the lighting is just incredible, so moody/cozy, how long did it take to actually get the shots and then to edit? (the price for your patreon is an insane bargain either way) keep it up, dude!

Can I just say I really like that I get horny asks and art-influence asks? 🤣 Thank you for the questions! My style inspiration comes from cinema - no specific cinematographers that I can single out but the visual style I like is that soft indie film, sense of place type look. Films that have a strong, sometimes overwhelming, colour palette like Drive, La La Land, Enemy, Grand Budapest Hotel, The Fall, they really influence me. Films that use a really strong sense of colour and light to create a feeling. I really like cinema that looks like photography. Gregory Crewdson is one of my favourite photographers, his work is highly cinematic, he creates scenes that make you ask questions and I really like that cyclical influence of cinema on photography and vice versa which is really evident in his work. Annie Leibovitz is another huge fave. And look, let’s be real. I’m not thinking about these giants of the art world when I’m sitting down to plan my kinky little videos. But those are some of the influences that have gone into developing my style over the years.

And as for how long it takes, it varies a lot. Obviously the Halloween video took the longest, I don’t think I’ll ever top one year! 😆 But even the shots themselves took quite a while for that one, for a bunch of reasons. I was using my whole apartment so I was moving the lights and the set up a lot. I was trying to find angles where I looked skinny enough for the ‘before’ shots (not so easy anymore!!) and that took ages. There was make up I had to do for the stretch marks and padding for the end shots. In some shots I was so bloated I could hardly think straight and had to move carefully. There were also a lot of moving parts. I remember doing one shot where it was a slow pull back from the table overhead with the candles burning, water vapour for atmosphere, and as it was pulling back my phone had to come into shot and ring right as it became visible which I needed to trigger while I was doing the shot and keeping it steady… it was very complicated! 😆 So the Halloween video was multiple full days of shooting over the course of a year. But then something like my Fourth of July video was much quicker and easier to do. I just put on a tight flannel and went to town on a pie while moving the camera a few times for some variety in shots.

Editing used to take me much longer but I’m getting better at it now and I can usually get a whole video edited in half a day. Honestly the main thing I’m worried about is that as I’m getting bigger the filming is getting a little harder to do, especially the constant up and down of setting up the shot, getting in frame, checking the shot, etc. But I’ll just have to find a way to make it work because im having way too much fun. Thanks for your questions!

[headstrongblake]

“  you don’t have to deal with this alone.  ” / nate & o / @thewholecrew

"i'm not discussing this with you anymore, octavia!" octavia whipped back around to face her brother, glaring daggers at him, "great! because i wasn't asking for your permission!" she shouted back, stalking over toward the bar where nate was stacking clean dishes, fresh from the back. her temper bubbled along her skin annoyingly, a frown marring her features. just because one of her brother's contacts had informed him about the little meeting octavia was set to attend with a client of hers, and he was still dead set against her new operations, didn't mean she was changing her mind.

as octavia went over the file in her hand again at the bar top, she caught nate staring out the corner of her eye. "what? you gonna tell me how bad of an idea this is, too?" she asked with a raised brow. "no," he started, crossing over to her with the glass rack in his hand. "you don't have to deal with this alone."

"so tag along; your shift basically over, isn't it?" octavia offered flippantly, securing her file folder in her bag before taking out her gun to tuck in her waistband at the back. with a gentle sigh, she looked his way, "nate, i thought it was this city...everything that's gone wrong, i thought that it was all because of this place but, nope." octavia rolled her shoulders, tension rising as alec's terrified features loom in the back of her mind. they were an entire country away from home, and still, tragedy struck them. still, the people she loved had gotten hurt in a way she'd been helpless to prevent.

"turns out, it's just this screwed up world." there's no safety anywhere. sometimes no beauty. one of the reasons octavia had taken to photography so intimately was because it provided a way to see all the earth's beauties. to capture them and bask in the good features that this world had to offer. for years, she's taken thousands of photos, and now, with her world morphing, showing her all the evils it has to offer instead, perhaps it's time to use her abilities in another way. & so maybe the guys have had it right all along. to create safety in her world and for her people, octavia simply needed to take power for herself. becoming an invisible force amongst the criminals in her city seemed like a pretty good start.

[lantern-hill]

hello! i love your photos, i just added a bunch of your posts to my queue <3 i love your shots of the nature in org. you dont have to answer but i wanted to ask please what camera did you use for “cat on film” ? ive been thinking about getting a 35mm camera but i don’t know which one would give me that soft warm fuzzy look your photos of your cat had :’) thank you

hi, thank you!

the camera i took those on is a chinon gaf memo 35ee,..

...but i wouldn't recommend getting one, to be honest, especially if you're new to film photography. it's a rangefinder focus, which means instead of just turning a wheel around the lens until the image is sharp, you have to line up two tiny versions of what you see in the center of the viewfinder and then take the picture. like this:

you see the tiny yellow rectangle in the middle of the frame? in order to focus the camera, you need to line up the two images within that tiny amount of space. there's a whole bunch of other reasons i don't love this camera, and a few things i like, but i won't go into it. i don't really use this camera anymore.

the good thing is that the "soft warm fuzzy feeling" you want to replicate really has almost nothing to do with this camera. it's more related to the film you use, the settings you use on your camera, and, of course, the lighting in the area where you're taking the photo.

here's another photo i took that has a similar warm, fuzzy vibe, despite the fact that it was taken on a different camera and with different film.

i'm not a film photography expert by any means, but i would say when you're trying to get this type of vibe, the actual lighting in the place where you're taking the photo is the most important.

you also probably want to use a camera that doesn't have fixed focus. Some cameras, especially the really easy to use instant film or disposable film ones, don't require you to focus; you just press the button and move on. that's fixed focus. part of what gives you the warm fuzzy feeling about the photo above is that not every part of the image is sharp.

a lot of the pictures in that cat post are also slightly over- or under-exposed, but none of them use flash, so you probably want a camera that doesn't automatically set off a flash if it detects the lighting is too low.

in terms of getting your first film camera, that can be tricky because there's basically no new ones out there for sale- unless you want to get a tacky plastic disposable or shill out 1000s for a Leica. you're most likely going to have to buy secondhand from a camera store or just some guy online. facebook marketplace is really good for this in my experience.

some buying tips:

-decide if you want a point-and-shoot (you just look through the viewfinder and press the shutter button, done) or a SLR that lets you manually adjust the shutter speed, iso, etc. both are great and i have one of each for different situations.

-in my experience, don't bother paying more than 40$ CAD for a 2ndhand point-and-shoot or $100 for a full film camera unless it's something ridiculously amazing or unless you're buying secondhand from a camera store.

-look up the specs of your camera before buying it and pay attention to the degree to which the camera is automatic. film cameras use a light meter to measure what the shutter speed should be in different situations to capture the right amount of light, but the way they use the light meter differs. if a camera is fully automatic, that means that it measures the light in the room and then automatically adjusts the shutter speed to be correct.

this sounds great, but it also usually means you can't manually change the shutter speed. this can be a problem because, again, you're buying a secondhand camera that's probably at least two decades old. there's a high chance the electric components that automatically measure the light will be corroded or broken or will soon break down, and when they do repairs may be very expensive or even impossible, since you just can't find some repair parts anymore.

the more manual your film camera is, the better it can stand the test of time, because even if the camera's light meter fully breaks down and can't be repaired, you can buy a handheld light meter to tell you the right shutter speed and then manually change the shutter speed on your camera. this isn't to say to avoid all automatic features- all my cameras are to some degree automatic and i like it a lot- but its something to be aware of.

-look up your camera on lomography.com, which has a ton of film photos that you can sort by film and by camera. (i also have my own lomography account, where my photos are sorted by film and by camera.)

-when buying a camera that has a battery slot, open it up and check for any rust or corrosion inside. don't buy it if there's any green or brown on the parts the battery connects to.

i have three other cameras that i have and like a lot:

nikon EM (SLR) - 80 bucks on FB marketplace

yashica fx-3 super 2000 (SLR) - belonged to a relative

samsung ff-222 (point + shoot) - 30 bucks on FB marketplace

i also like the canon T series a lot, my friend has a canon t70.

and the films i tend to use are:

fujifilm superia (my fave; relatively cheap color film. the cat photos are on this.)

kodak ultramax (slightly more expensive. not that different results wise, maybe a little more pastel.)

portra - expensive but pretty

ektar - expensive but pretty

ilford hp5 b&w - cheap. good for testing a new film cam so you can see results without splurging too much.

you can look them up on lomography to see the differences between them.

hope this helps!

[norisbeinghuman]

My 5 reasons for blogging

(This image is generated by AI, the rest is not.)

I believe this is my fifth(?!) attempt at blogging in the last 12 years. Some of those blogs were very short-lived, some survived for longer. None of the previous four are out there anymore. I had my reasons for starting each of the blogs, but it wasn’t something I thought about much, not something that was clear in my mind. As I was starting yet another blog (this one), I decided to be a bit more mindful and conscious of what my goals actually are. Because if you don’t know where you want to go, every step you take is in the wrong direction.

So here are my 5 reasons for blogging!

1. Sorting out my thoughts

I think a bunch. This is not a brag, by the way, I am not saying that I think more than others, and I am definitely not so certain this is good for me. But the fact is that I think enough for it to often get crowded in my head. For my sanity, it’s pretty useful to get those things out.

David McCullough said “Writing is thinking,” and I very much agree with that sentiment. Writing helps me sort out my thoughts. Somehow, it’s the best way for me to even find out what exactly I am thinking. In a way, I never quite know what will come out of it when I start, but that is one of its best benefits to me. It allows me to clarify my thoughts to myself.

While thinking itself can be passive, writing, on the other hand, is active. It gives the thoughts a concrete form, turns them from possibilities into things. Even if it’s “only” words, those words are an act of creation.

2. Learning by explaining

Related to the previous point, explaining things, whether in writing or by talking through them, is one of the best ways to make sure that you understand things. Trying to put your knowledge into a digestible format that can be understood by others is one of the best ways to see where the gaps are, and it creates an incentive to fill them.

Richard Feynman was a big proponent of learning by trying to explain things to others It helped him finding out where he lacked knowledge, then he looked up what was missing, learned more and then did it all again. And again, and again. The Feynman technique (that is really what it is called) is just one of many within the “learning by teaching” framework. Even explaining things to an inanimate object improves learning, hence the existence of the “plastic platypus learning” technique (yes, that is its real name). (Now I kind of want a plastic platypus.)

Note

One might argue, that these first two points only require writing, and maybe a plastic platypus, but can be done without plastering the writing all over the internet. And that is true. There are countless ways to achieve these goals, but I like blogging, because knowing others might read what I write forces me to write it with much more care than I would just for myself or for a plastic platypus, however cute.

3. Getting better at writing

Does every teenager want to become a writer? I used to think so, then I asked a few people, and found out they don’t. But I did. I also thought it was one of those silly dreams that you better not think too much about. How dumb is that?! Well, I finally got old enough and wise enough to realise that I might never be a writer, but there is nothing stopping me from being a writer. Nothing other than myself. Because making a living out of it is not at all required to being a writer.

As it is with any skill, be it pottery or skiing or coding or decorating cakes to look like real objects, you get better at it by doing it. Quantity leads to quality.

There is a story about a photography class in which the teacher told half of the students that they will be graded solely on the quantity of the photographs they take, while the other group was supposed to only take one single picture – a culmination of their knowledge, planning and preparations. At the end of the course, all the best photographs came from the “quantity” group. Absolutely all of them.

I read this story first in Atomic Habits by James Clear, then again in Show Your Work! by Austin Kleon, but this time with pottery instead of photography. Austin Kleon investigated why there are two versions of this story, and found out it really did happen in a photography class, but was first told by David Bayles and Ted Orland in the book Art & Fear, and they felt it fit better when changed to pottery.

I feel like the story works perfectly well with both photography and pottery, and the two versions of it illustrate how universal it actually is. Quantity doesn’t trump quality, but it does lead to it.

And so my goal is to practice my writing.

4. Gathering memories

This is a point I haven’t reached yet. I have deleted my old blogs, although I do keep some of my favourite old articles in my own archives. But I am looking forward to one day browsing through things I wrote 5, 10 or 20 years ago. Reminding me how my life was back then, what I was thinking about. Some of it will definitely feel outdated, maybe even cringe, but I think it will be fun.

5. Connecting with other people

Lastly, I want to publish my writings so that others can read them.

I often doubt whether my writing makes any sense, whether anyone wants to read it at all, whether I should just give up and climb under a rock. But life is too short and too weird for (self-)censorship, so I am doing my best to work around those doubts.

Truth is, I want people to read what I write. I want to know what they think. I want to test my ideas by showing them to others. I want to share the things I discovered, that make my life better or bring me join. I hope I might help someone, or inspire them, even if I only inspire them to prove me wrong on something.

Now that I am thinking about it, my blogging already turned a distant acquaintance into one of my now best friends. (Shout-out to Mariš!) I don’t see where and how we would have gotten to know each other if I didn’t step out of my comfort zone and started writing. So I guess it is working.

What I didn’t mention

An attentive reader might notice that I didn’t talk about some things that many people nowadays aim for when starting a blog. There are no mentions of traffic, marketing, or growth. In short, no money.

Let’s not sand-paper our eyes, who wouldn’t want some extra money, right? (Btw, sand-papering your eyes is a great Slovak expression for denying the obvious. I am trying to introduce it to English. Is it working?) Anyway, yes, money.

Truth is, the last blog before this one was my attempt to start an online business. And I hated it. It was fun at first, then it wasn’t. I wrote a whole blog post about how I failed at starting an online business, and why I’m happy with that. I still think it’s super neat that people can make money online, and I definitely believe that creators should be paid for what they do and provide. But the way I was trying to go about it just didn’t feel right for me.

Thankfully, I don’t need to make money from blogging, and I have a bunch of other wonderful reason for pursuing it. I am very happy to just blog for fun, as a hobby, about whatever I want. Simply to enrich my life, and maybe, if I am lucky, someone else’s too.

[jasmine604]

W7. Mid Sem SDL - Collected objects + written comments

some objects I have collected so far + why/my current thoughts

ceramic house – received this from a childhood friend. We are not as close anymore but I still value our friendship and how we grew up and experienced crucial parts of ‘girlhood’ together  - makes me think of how at that age we dreamt of idealistic worlds together, how naïve we are when young – a mundane experience everyone goes through. series of letters – links to sentimentality and the collection methodology – I hold onto people's words  - reading them again after a while takes me back to the day I first got them and how different I was/what stage of my life I was at. Design-wise – I love handwritten copywriting, it's unique and personal in a way messages never can.  heart pendant(s) – I collect variety of pendants  - they each hold sentimentality of the place I found it or the person who gave it. It makes me think of the idea of holding onto otherwise usless things – how we all do it for different reasons but beneath it all we do it so we don’t forget. pendant from dubai – like to document my traveling aswell as who I was when I bought it – when I look at this pendant I am automatically taken back to being 18 and being in the giftshop in dubai looking for gifts for my friends – amongst other people who were doing the same. It was sweet seeing how everyone at that gift shop was doing it last minute because they forgot during the actual trip.  orbit pendant – found this on the floor at school, ofc I could have returned it to the office  - my friend and I decied to keep it and split the neckalcne into sperate beads/pendants and kept them. Reminds me of doing relatively harmless things as a kid but then it was a big deal – how much we change as we grow and age.  twin peaks CD booklet – explores human experience – like the physical look of the shots aswell as design choices in the soundtrack booklet – the moody desolate photography  - blues, purples. Amy Winehouse Frank CD booklet – amy being a person, a girl, a woman – her everyday life  - her experience – how relatable yet unique her experiences are. Photography also captures the beauty of everyday life  - how we all are the same.  Enya Mag – about her girlhood, growing into a woman and struggling with death and human experiences – photofraphy showing snippets into her daily life – made me relate to her thoughts about growing up and relationships dissolving – how we all grow through it yet to us it seems like we are the only one going through that.  Y Tu Mama Tambein DVD – coming of age movie about a relationship fizzling out  - explores naïve and idealistic childhood and the often sad outcomes of everyday life once the roadtip is over and you are grown – makes me think of my journey of girlhood and my need to keep objects from them In the mood for love DVD eyeshadow palette – feel like for me and many girls our relationship with makeup also changes as we age – maybe starting as a way to look better, or something you refuse to associate as you ‘arent like other girls’ its something I came to love and use to express whatever I feel like in the morning  - makes me think of the many scenes of girls getting ready to face things in their lives, something that feels grounding.  brian eno CD cover – music plays a large part in my life as it does everyone else – I find it fasincating seeing songs I know played in the back of movies, maybe when the character is getting ready or theres a death scene. How the same songs I use to fall asleep may be something someone sings to their baby or something that hlds memories of grief for another. 

These are obviously not the final written explanations - they are more word vomits that link to the questions in the SDL - I plan to build on them as I go forward. I also think I may change some of the current objects.

I am having a harder time articulating why I have chosen something for something, especially in the matter of everyday life and girlhood - i think reading up and looking into similar projects/contexts could help me find the right terminology for what I am trying to express.

[winsmoke]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝟐𝟎-𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐫-𝐎𝐥𝐝 𝐕𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐧

Acclaimed photographer and virgin extraordinaire, Jaemin finds himself crushing hard on a girl working at a pizza shop. And by some miracle, they’re hiring for the summer.

⊹ 𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 2.9k ⊹ 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 female pizza chef y/n x virgin photographer Jaemin ⊹ 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 virgin au, college au, fluff, smut ⊹ 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 swearing, masturbation ⊹ 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 🦷 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞 Dedicated to @nochv. I’m so sick of this fic I don’t even want to look at it anymore. Let’s pretend he’s still 20. ⊹ 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬 pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3 | disclaimer | masterlist

　“You’re a–a virgin?” Renjun exclaims.

　Jaemin shrugs. “Yeah.”

　Renjun’s gaze flitters around his apartment as he tries to make sense of this bewildering information. “You’re telling me, you’ve travelled to every single continent but you haven’t had sex?”

　“Yeah,” Jaemin responds blankly.

　“Oh...sorry.” 

　Scratching his neck awkwardly, Renjun silently curses himself. Although there isn’t a trace of discomfort on Jaemin’s face, Renjun knows he’s out of line. It just feels odd that in the past three years of college, Renjun and his friends have been enjoying good pussy while Jaemin has been enjoying...his hand. 

　Granted, Jaemin has had a unique undergraduate experience being flown all over the world for his breathless photography. But all the more reason to believe his friend wasn’t a virgin, and that he had a global taste in women. While Jaemin never mentioned anyone in a romantic or sexual context, Renjun always assumed he was too free-spirited for commitment. 

　Jaemin shrugs again. “It’s cool.” He smiles reassuringly at Renjun before opening the apartment door. “Gonna grab some pizza. See ya.”

　Renjun tries to match his smile. “M‘kay. You’re coming to class tomorrow, right?”

　Airpods in and phone raised to his face, Jaemin has already slipped into his own world. Regardless of Renjun’s unheard question, Jaemin stubbornly determined the first week of the school semester wasn’t relevant enough for him to attend. But as for the subject of his virginity, Jaemin is truly unaffected, the discussion slowly dimming in his memory.

　It’s not that Jaemin isn’t interested in sex, there had been a handful of times that he longed for another body in his bed. It’s more so that there's no one that interests him. He gets plenty of female attention and yet they all seem so bland. He likes who he likes and ignores who he doesn’t. And he ignores most people.

　His friends like joking that he’s not meant to be a pre-med student but a hermit living in a shack in a desolate forest. Privately, Jaemin agrees with them and longs for the freedom to explore the beckoning world with his camera. By the time he was a freshman, he had earned enough money from freelance work to pay for his undergraduate school.

　But his mother wants him to be a doctor so here he is, wasting away as a painfully average biology major in the city, busting his ass to prepare for the Medical College Admission Test (MCAT). However, her desires won’t stop him from taking every job offer he receives.

　As Jaemin walks to the pizza shop, his eyes don’t shift away from the crisp and quixotic images of the Sobaek mountain range he’ll be flying out to in the morning. He doesn’t pay mind to the teenaged skaters attempting kickflips or the chains of middle-aged speed walkers gossiping about their neighbors. Clicking the volume button, Jaemin blocks out any unnecessary human disturbances. Only when he reaches the restaurant’s entrance, Jaemin finally raises his head to open the front door and greet the hostess. 

　Slumped over the cash register, you’re on the clock and engrossed in a tense game of sudoku on your phone. Deliberating where the 9 belongs, you waste your last chance and angrily fling a spare pen over the counter. When the capped side of the pen arrows into a pair checkered Vans, your eyes climb up the long jeans and white tee to find…

 　“Shit.” 

 　You can tell this guy is handsome just from his outfit. Despite layering a yellow flannel underneath an unfortunate cardigan akin to the American flag, he manages to make the color clash work. You suppose with inexplicably attractive features, anything can look good.

 　A side part is the only disruption of his perfectly symmetrical face and yet every strand is positioned without flaw. You like the way his wispy bangs fall just over his eyes. Eyes that blink at you with disinterest.

　Realizing you have been staring for too long, you clear your throat to greet the customer. “Welcome to the Dreamy Pizzas, how may I help you?”

　Jaemin smiles awkwardly as he picks up the pen and extends it to you. “Uh, yes. Can I have a booth?”

　Grimacing, you quickly take the pen and set it back next to the register. Sweeping a plastic menu into your arms, you accept the fact this customer just watched you throw a mini tantrum and is very aware that you checked him out. 

　Glancing behind him, you expectedly place your hand on the stack of menus. “Should I bring another menu?” you offer.

　Jaemin shakes his head, recognizing that you think someone else will join him. “No. It’s just me.”

　You hide your eyebrow raise with a low nod and lead him towards a booth. 

　It is rather uncommon to see a 20-year-old eating alone at a restaurant. But Jaemin enjoys solidarity and he’s never felt embarrassed about doing things alone. 

　“Do you not serve potato pizza?” Jaemin asks politely after a brief scan through the menu.

　He likes potato pizza too? 

　Your body stiffens in surprise. “Uh, no. We don’t have potato pizza on the menu. But I…I could make it for you.”

　An irresistible grin spreads across Jaemin’s lips. “That would be great, a small please.”

　Dazzled by his smile, you blink slowly. “Okay, it—it’ll be ready in ten to fifteen minutes.”

　Rushing to the kitchen, you fumble with your phone and the aux cord. It takes three tries to properly plug the cord into your phone. Scrolling through your music library, you click on the album cover with the blue ballooned heart and press play. You need some music to calm yourself down. 

　A familiar grunting bass and hasty rap verse splits through the hum of an oscillating fan. Jaemin’s eyes snap to the kitchen window to find the source of the noise, and spots you wiping your recently washed hands against a - an apron? Aren’t you the server or hostess? You’re the cook? 

　Whizzing his head back to the front counter where Jaemin had assumed you were standing, his eyes lock on the pen launched at him earlier. Peering around the small restaurant and through the back kitchen, the only other person in sight is you. Warming on the oven, there’s a tall stack of pick-up orders with receipts tucked under each box. Evidently, you’re the one who made them. You’re operating a pizza restaurant alone.

　Semi-skilled in the kitchen himself, Jaemin has always taken an interest in those with culinary expertise. But running an entire restaurant, that was impressive.

　He watches as you carefully slice a potato into paper-thin circles with your chin practically in your neck. Waiting for your head to lift, Jaemin wants to see the face of the girl who is making his pizza. His stare firms on your hairline but your head doesn’t raise. So focused on your face, Jaemin doesn’t notice your trembling fingers.

　Cracking your knuckles, you reposition the shaking knife on the potato. You’re inexplicably attracted to this customer, a stranger, and your proficiency in the kitchen is sorely affected by it. Groaning, you raise the volume of the music to try drowning out your thoughts of him. 

　Realizing you forgot to bring Jaemin an ice water, you bolt back to the sitting area with a plastic cup in hand. “Sorry about the wait,” you apologize, keeping your daze down. You have a bad feeling that eye contact will render you a fool.

　“It’s fine–wait!” Jaemin calls as you make a break for the kitchen.

　You tuck your lips into your mouth, trying to tuck away the quivering feeling in your chest. You quickly spin to see what he wants. “Yeah?”

　Jaemin had looked at you before but not properly. And now he couldn’t seem to look away. Grappling for a reason to make you stay, his ears pick up the bridge of the song playing. “Um, is–is this ‘Hello Future’?”

　He recognized the song? 

　You hesitate. Just because he knows the song doesn’t mean he likes it. “Yeah...” 

　Lifting his phone in your direction, Jaemin shows you the screen. The same ballooned heart stares back at you. “I was just listening to it when I came in.”

　He’s smiling at you again and you can feel yourself freezing in your spot. “It’s my favorite song right now,” you’re somehow saying. 

　“Mine too,” Jaemin responds happily.

　You’re about to ask for his name when your manager, Taeil, bursts through the front door. Not wanting to look unproductive, you retreat back to the kitchen. Softly smiling as you look down at the thin layer of dough, you prepare Jaemin’s pizza with renewed confidence.

　Jaemin keeps sneaking looks at the kitchen window, his hunger replaced with something else. There’s a fluttering feeling in his chest when he looks in your direction, a foreign feeling. It makes him uneasy but strangely excited.

　“What is this?” Taeil calls, pointing to Jaemin’s pizza when it rolls out of the oven conveyor belt.

　“A potato pizza,” you explain slowly. You gesture in Jaemin’s direction, “He requested it.”

　You know that expression on your manager’s face. You saw it too many times when you were a new employee.

　Taeil scowls. “Good cooks stick to the menu so please respect ours in the future. Make sure you let the customer know that this won’t happen again.”

　 Your throat tightens. “Okay, I will. I’m sorry sir.”

　Taeil sighs. “Maybe you’re not ready to be left alone in the shop.” 

　You frown. “I know how to do everything. I don’t need help between the lunch and dinner rush.”

　“Well clearly, you don’t know how to tell a customer ‘no’!”

　“The first thing you taught me is that the customer is always right,” you huff. 

　Taeil narrows his eyes. “You won’t serve another off-menu pizza again, okay?”

　“It won’t happen again,” you mutter, glaring down at your sneakers.

　“Put it in a take out box instead of a plate. Hopefully, that’ll prompt him to leave so no one sees it,” Taeil instructs shortly as he stomps into the kitchen.

　Placing the potato pizza into a white cardboard box, you silently slice it into squares. It’s been months since you last got scolded. It’s not a good feeling. You’ve been on Taeil’s bad side since you started working here, likely because you had a spine but you worried your mouth would get you fired. And you desperately needed this job. 

　You slide the box on Jaemin’s table with a forced smile. “My manager wanted me to inform you I cannot make an off-menu item again.”

　Before Jaemin can respond, you’re already spinning on your heel to collect your backpack from the kitchen. Angrily tearing off your apron, you jam your headphones into your ears and play ‘Hello Future’ again. Clocking out, you shout your departure to your manager, and kick open the front door. At least your shift is over and you can spend the rest of the day moping in your apartment. 

　Downing a gulp of his water, Jaemin snatches the pizza box from the table, races towards the front of the restaurant, and shoves the door open. He nervously crunches on the lumpy ice cubes as he stalks towards you unlocking your bike from a lamp post. Realizing he never paid for his pizza, Jaemin takes out a twenty from his wallet and thrusts it forward.

　Your eyes fall on the extended money. 

　“Can I help you with something?” you ask impatiently as you shove your bike lock into your backpack. You don’t bother to look up. 

　You’ve worked at a number of food service jobs which somehow means you're the world’s waitress. This wouldn’t be the first time a stranger has come up to you with money and an obscene request. And after an eight hour shift, you’re caked in flour and littered in oil stains and your tolerance is about to snap.

　Your voice is unexpectedly sharp and a glare scrunches your face. Cute, Jaemin thinks mindlessly. Wait. Cute?? “Just–just wanted to pay you.”

　Your gaze raises to his face. Fuck. It’s him. The reason you’re in trouble right now. You force out a smile, quickly take the money, and stuff the bill into the back pocket of your shorts. “Thanks, hope you enjoy!” Fuck off now please.

　Jaemin throws his hand forward to reach for your shoulder. “Wait!”

　You turn slowly, about to scream in frustration. What more could he want? “What?”

　Jaemin gulps. He knows you got lectured because of him. Because you were just trying to be kind to him. “I know it’s not really my place to say but…I think you’re a great cook.”

　You scoff, looking down at his unopened box. “You’ve never even tried my pizzas.” 

　Toeing up the kickstand, you lunge forward on the bike, leaving Jaemin behind in dismay. 

　Normally, you’re not this rude but you’re tired and pissed and the only thing standing between you and your bed is this customer. Besides, class starts tomorrow and you haven’t checked to see which buildings you would have lectures in. 

　Unlatching the cardboard flaps from the holes, Jaemin lifts the top. Lips parting, he gapes at the box in wonder. Inspired by your shared music taste, you had cut the dough of the potato pizza into the shape of a heart. He realizes the shape is modeled off the cover art of Hello Future but he can’t help but wish it held another meaning.

　Jaemin watches you bike away in a thick daze, unable to tear his eyes away from the back of your thighs. They look so soft and squeezable…

　Clapping his hands against his cheeks, Jaemin shakes his head. What the fuck was that? 

　Walking back to his apartment, he shovels pizza slices into his mouth, aggressively gnawing until there’s nothing left. Jaemin has eaten countless pizzas from all over the world but he finds yours especially delicious. What is it that’s drawing him in? 

　There’s a strange pent up energy moving his legs forward faster than normal. Jaemin feels frustrated - that much he can gather. 

　It’s not until he falls into bed that Jaemin understands what kind of frustration he’s experiencing. 

　At first, he’s innocently folding his hands across his chest. Eyes closed, Jaemin heaves out a few irritated breaths. The next thing he knows, his hand is sneaking down his stomach with you in his thoughts.

　Jaemin feels disgusting that he's craving the body of a girl he doesn’t even know the name of. But as his hand loosens his jean button and wrestles the zipper down, his brain doesn’t pause to question the morality of the situation. He’s stupidly hard and all he can think of is the way your legs looked as you peddled away.

　Raising his shoulders, Jaemin fumbles with the bottle as he pumps lotion into his hand. His fingers are unusually light as he imagines your hand easing the cool lubricant down his cock. 

　“Fuck,” Jaemin huffs as he pictures you rolling your pointer finger across his slit, his own finger following the image. 

　 Impatiently pumping more lotion into his hand, he closes his eyes as he continues imagining your hand running up and down his dick. Tightening his clamp, Jaemin moans loudly from the sensation. His cock has never felt so hard.

　Jaemin’s thoughts are on your thighs, how they flexed when you rode forward on your bike and how they would flex when you rode his dick. How your wetness would look dripping down your thighs and how Jaemin would lick up your pleasure until he reached your core. He pictures how it would feel to grip your thighs and pull them apart before entering you. How he would hold them high while fucking into you.

　Grabbing his swollen ball sac, he pulls it and his hips rise from the rush of pleasure. Panting, Jaemin opens his eyes, straining down to look at the desperate way he fucks his hand.

　“God, I’m so pathetic,” Jaemin mutters as he begins thrusting upward. 

　Closing his eyes again, he refocuses his imagination on your neck. Jaemin imagines licking your neck while you squirm underneath him. He wonders if you’ll whine or swear when he leaves hickies below your ear. He thinks about how you’ll tilt your head back so he can bury his face into your neck while he’s buried in you. 

　His wrist and hips moving at an ungodly pace, Jaemin groans loudly. “Come, you piece of shit, come!” 

　Gradually slowing his hand as cum shoots onto his shirt, Jaemin heaves an unsatisfied sigh. Wrenching off his cardigan, flannel, and tee, he launches the clothes into his dirty laundry basket in the corner. Sliding his laptop onto his bare chest, Jaemin’s fingers seek out the fantasies he had got off to earlier. 

　Scrolling through the videos, Jaemin’s eyes hurriedly inspect the bodies of the girls, trying to find one with a similar face and shape. After two minutes of aggressive scrolling, Jaemin slams his laptop shut and angrily rips his boxers and jeans off his legs. It’s no use. Nothing except you will do.

　Whipping his comforter over his naked body, he squirms uncomfortably in bed. Cock still semi-hard, Jaemin groans. “Well, I’m fucked.”

[wakaoujisenhime]

Hi Hi could I request Kuroko, Kagamai, Akashi, Midorima and Murasakibara reaction to their s/o who's into photography and loves to take photos of them because they think their the most beautiful muse. They say things like "the light is hitting you perfectly please don't move until I take this picture." something like that lol

A/N: anon…this, THIS is a masterpiece of an idea and I love you for it (๑♡⌓♡๑) please enjoy! ♥️

Tags: the boys [KKMMA] x reader ✅ SFW ✅ fluff ✅

━━━━☆ ━━━━☆ ━━━━☆

Kuroko:

ok so the first time you took a picture of him was during lunch break

since he usually likes to spend his free time in the classroom while eating his homemade bento, the moment you became a couple you’d always join him

one day you were a bit late because one of the teachers had held you up, so you quickly texted him an apology for your delay and told him you’d be there soon so he can start eating without you

when you finally arrived, you immediately proceeded to apologize but promptly shut your mouth as you saw the scenery before you

Kuroko was reading one of his many novels, his elbows propped on the very edges of his desk, bento box and chopsticks untouched before him, blue eyes fixated on the text before him

everything about this was perfect as is, but what really gripped you and made you unconsciously reach for your camera, that you always had dangling from your neck, was the way the morning sun hit his face casting an ever so small shadow that only further accentuated his beautiful and calm facial features

as if in trance you gently push the small button on top of your camera and the shutter goes off

surprised by the sudden sound he turned his head in your direction and wanted to greet you but you cut him off even before he uttered a single syllable: “Tetsu, don’t move! The way the sun hits the back of your head right now is perfect…I just need to take a picture so bear with me for a moment.”

the way you had your left arm outstretched to stop any of his movements while your eyes were hidden behind the small rectangular object didn’t stop your boyfriend’s light blush to spread across his cheeks

he wasn’t used to being the only one in a photo so that alone made him a little nervous and embarrassed, but your silent comments and compliments on how his hair looked even more remarkable under the sunlight or how his facial features managed to perfectly cast shadows on his face that made him look more mature made his heart race faster than any game

luckily for your lover, this situation showed him another side of you that he rarely got to see, and who was he to interrupt your adorable mumbling just because of his embarrassment?

.

since then you used any and every opportunity to take his photo, whether it was in Maji Burger as he drank his usual smoothie or when he waited for you in front of a fountain in the park where you scheduled your date

when he finally asked you about it you proudly announced: “I’m sorry, but I can’t help the fact that my lover is such an amazing model for basically any type of photo! I always thought that you were hiding your beauty beneath those bangs and turns out I was absolutely right!”

you continued showering him with compliments until he couldn’t take it anymore and shut you up with a gentle kiss

“If it weren’t for your keen eye, I could’ve continued hiding myself and avoid the other’s gazes”

“Do you hate being the center of attention that much?” you whispered out, your eyes directly peering into his own big ones

with a smile he gently caresses your cheek and answers: “Your attention is all I need.”

Kagami:

Kagami was aware of your fascination for photography, I mean how could he not be when every time the two of you were out together for different reasons, you’d always take your camera with you and snap a photo or two

what he wasn’t aware of though, was what or better said who the subject of your images was

every time you reached for your camera the lens was always aimed in his direction and it never bothered him, because he figured that you were taking a photo of the scenery behind him so he never bothered to pose, smile, or anything of that sort

one day though it made him wonder whether his presence might disturb whatever images you’d taken so the next time you aimed your camera he turned his head, looking directly into the object’s circular lens, and just as he was about to say something the familiar sound of the shutter shut him up

“Perfect…that might be the best one yet” you silently praised and smiled to yourself

W-Wait a second…

“(Y/N)?”

“Hm?”

“What did you just photograph?”

you looked at him with slightly wide eyes, confusion spreading across your face as you answered: “Why of you of course”

and that’s when it clicked

all this time you’d taken pictures of what he thought to be the nature and scenery but in actuality, it was him you’d focused on

“W-Wait! You mean to t-tell me that I wasn’t in the way of your photos a-and that you actually photographed–“

before he could finish his sentence he realized something else that made him blush even harder

Perfect…Absolutely breathtaking…I’m so glad that I took my camera with me…The lighting and wind make you even prettier…What tranquility and gentleness, I’m in love…You’re so beautiful

all these comments that he’d brushed off, thinking that they were some kind of weird quirk of yours that resembled his captain’s whenever he talked about his samurai series, now made perfect sense

when the reality of the situation hit him he couldn’t help but bury his face in his hands and grunt at his stupidness, meanwhile, you tried to wrap your head around what Kagami had been believing up until today

looking at him being that frustrated with himself made you chuckle, but it also made you feel bad since you never directly told him so you decided that now might be the best time

with a gentle smile, you once again raised the camera to your face, waited until his figure became the focus and blurred the background, and gently pressed down the shutter

the sound made the young man beside you flinch and ever so hesitantly glance up to you with a dreading expression on his face

after pushing some of the buttons you cozy up to your boyfriend until your shoulders touched and showed him the image you had just taken with a proud smile

“I’m sorry for not telling you about it, but if I shared the fact that you’re my muse with you, you probably would’ve never allowed me to take any” you reasoned as you looked into his eyes and observed the way his cheeks reddened the moment you called him your muse

“I’m your muse…?”

you nodded and showed him a few other photos that all showed him do average everyday things such as eating something, chatting on his phone, warming up, etc. and even though they weren’t that special, the way you managed to capture him, his expression, and even some of the background made them all look professional

“Taiga, you’re such a nice guy that you would’ve probably offered to be my model if I had asked you to, but I wanted to capture that raw beauty of yours, the one that you display on every basketball match and that was the only way to do it…or at least that’s what I thought”

you paused before returning to the most recent image

“Having you being aware might be better after all…just look here at the way your eyes sparkle and your posture, both tense and relaxed at the same time gives off the impression of confidence and a tinge of uncertainty, both summing up your profound character that I love so much”

listening to your explanation made his heart beat harder against his chest and to stop you from fawning even more he covered your camera with his big hand and murmured: ”I-It’s fine already…I get it”

after seeing yet another unexpected expression on your boyfriend’s face you tried to get another shot of him, but this time he tried his best to avoid you and the two of you ended up chasing each other around the park, attracting the attention of many fellow visitors, but to you, it was as if only Kagami and you existed

Midorima:

one afternoon during the end of basketball practice, you had joined your green-haired boyfriend with his supplementary exercises, observing him and the perfect way he shoots one three-pointer after the other

you’d asked him long ago whether it was alright with him to take his photo and despite the many protests he’d agreed under the condition that it happened during basketball practice

unfortunately, the way he played didn’t manage to ignite the spark you needed to snap that one photo you’ve always been hoping for, neither his skills nor his playstyle were to blame for that, there was just something missing that you couldn’t name

the way you sighed caught Midorima’s attention and made him stop mid-throw so that he could take a glance in your direction and when he saw the disappointed face you made it made his heart ache

“Is something the matter (Y/N)?” he suddenly asked as he sat beside you, towel in one hand and his drinking bottle in the other

you shook your head and tried to play it off, blaming your bad mood on one of your earlier classes and the complaisant boyfriend he was he let it go (also partially because he was afraid that if he prodded further you’d get mad)

out of the corner of your eyes, you could see how he took off his glasses and started cleaning them

and that’s when your heart throbbed

the way his long fingers carefully handled the fragile black frames, the skillful and cautious way he removed any speck of dust from the glass, mixed with the way some of his green hair’s strands stuck to his slightly sweaty forehead, and lastly his beautiful long eyelashes were what won you over

before you knew it, you had grabbed your camera and had taken a photo of his profile, the shutter’s sound startling both him and you

“D-Did you just take a ph–”

“Shush! Stay just like that!” you blurted out, your hand on his chest to restrict his movements and keep him in that exact pose he was right now

with a reluctant expression on his face, he avoided looking in your direction, hoping that you wouldn’t notice the light blush spreading across his cheeks, meanwhile you smiled to yourself at his futile attempt and once again snapped another picture…

.

thanks to that one coincidental photo you managed to take back then, you finally knew what you have been missing all this time, namely your boyfriend being himself and not the Midorima Shintaro from Shuutoku who never missed a shot

in order to achieve that “normality” you had to take as many sneaky shots as possible, but they unfortunately never stayed as secretive as you would’ve wanted them to be because he either caught you mid-photo or your own comments betrayed you

Just like that Shin, look more to the side!

Leave your glasses be, you’re even more beautiful without them!

Don’t touch your hair! The way it is right now compliments your face perfectly!

Even if you scowl at me, you still look good!

he’d always run up to you afterward, blushing at the entire situation and no matter how much he ended up protesting, scolding you, or trying to take the camera from you to delete the photos, he never truly was upset about it

the reason Midorima let it all slide was because he enjoyed the way you smiled when you looked at the images you’d taken

the way your eyes practically sparkled mixed with the slight flush of your cheeks made his heart race every single time

“Is something wrong Shin? You’ve been staring at my face for quite a while.”

embarrassed of being caught by you, he squeezed your nose and stuttered: “I-It’s nothing, k-keep looking at y-your photos!”

Murasakibara:

taking Murasakibara’s pictures wasn’t an issue, you simply asked him and he agreed with no resistance whatsoever

you were over the moon at first and even made sure to have your camera with you at all times so that when an opportunity presented itself you’d be ready

from a pedestrian’s point of view, you looked like a cute touristic couple which consisted of the somewhat bored boyfriend, who agreed to have his photos taken for your happiness, and you, who couldn’t hold the excitement of being together with this young man back while happily snapping one pic after the other

their thoughts weren’t that off from the truth, you truly were delighted to be able to practice your hobby, and even having the tall young man as your model made it even better

thanks to the amount of muscles he’d gained from his daily basketball training, his height, his beautifully long and purple hair, his constantly relaxed expression, and his surprisingly gentle facial features, your boyfriend was already photogenic as is so any photo you took was downright breathtaking

and yet, those fulfilling feelings were rather short-lived

as time went by and you shot one photo after the other you came to realize that you hadn’t managed to take a single photo where he genuinely smiled or grinned

getting him to do either was nearly impossible, even for you

all you ever managed to summon was a very loving and gentle smile that resembled that of an angel; it was so pure that you could read all of his emotions from it, but that smile was reserved for your cuddle sessions that always ended up with him almost crushing you with his embrace and his low giggles as the result to your mixed reactions

“(Y/N)-chin, let’s go over there and sit down…I can’t walk anymore”

you giggled and took his hand that he’d extended to you, following him to a bench that was protected by a couple of trees, which cast down a perfect shadow on the wooden surface

the young man plopped down as if he’d ran for hours without a single break and wrapped his big arms around your waist, burying his face in your tummy

his childish behavior made you giggle and you softly caressed his head

“Didn’t you want to eat your snacks?” you asked after a short while, only to receive a silent growl as an answer

“Let me stay like this for a while…please”

his cute way of pleading with you only broadened your smile, which turned it into a grin as soon as an idea popped into your mind

with one hand still on his head, you used the other to aim the camera lens at the young man’s head as you asked your lover to look up at you

it took him a short while to comply because he kinda had the feeling that you wanted to ask for yet another photo, but he ultimately gave in and cast his purple eyes up to you

still smiling you glanced at the small screen on your camera in order to make sure that everything was perfect when you subconsciously blurted out: “Everything about you is charming Atsushi, the way the wind caresses your hair, perfectly accentuating your gentle face’s features…I’m so glad to have you as my muse”

…

…

your eyes went wide as you noticed the change in his expression

his cheeks had taken on an unexpected shade of deep red, one that you’ve never seen on him before; his eyes were a bit glassy and maybe equally as wide as yours, and his mouth was slightly agape

“Wha-! What are you saying (Y/N)-chin?!” he screamed out and once again hid his face before you could manage to snap a picture of this rare expression

“Atsushi, wait don’t hide! Let me take a photo!”

your protests fell on deaf ears and no matter how much you struggled or tried to loosen his grip around your waist, his strength made sure to make all of your attempts futile

“I-If I let you see me like that…I won’t be cool in your eyes anymore a-and I don’t want that” he finally admitted in a low voice

it took you a short while to comprehend what exactly he was trying to say; and when you did you couldn’t hold your laughter in any longer, ruffled his hair, and kissed the top of his head, waiting until he had regained his composure and returned your affectionate gestures

Akashi:

having the famous Emperor as your lover was like a dream, but when it came to keeping things a secret you were at a clear disadvantage because this man read you like an open book

no matter how hard you tried to act innocent or clueless, he’d always be able to add two and two together and expose whatever you were hiding within a matter of minutes

same goes for your fondness of photography and the fact that you had your eyes set on him as your muse

one day when you visited his home the two of you were in the living room and he was playing a round of shogi against himself while you sorted your camera’s gallery

when you took a glance at the young man your heart throbbed

the soft light of the sun that managed to come forth between the many clouds of that day shone right at him; in order to block the light from disturbing his vision, he’d leaned his chin on his hand and let his fingers extend to the corner of his mesmerizing eyes; a soft smile adorned his lips as his left hand stretched out to move one of the many wooden pieces before him

you couldn’t help it and immediately proceeded to take a picture, successfully catching him off guard

“Did you take a picture of me?” he asked without shifting his line of sight from the board, a hint of amusement in his voice

“Mhm, I did…sorry” you apologized before sighing to yourself, “it’s just that you looked really beautiful and I thought it’d be a shame if I didn’t use the opportunity.”

being called beautiful was something he wasn’t used to, so as he heard that word pass your lips, he froze up and finally tore his attention away from the game, and now gazed at you with a warm smile

“You can take more if you’d like.”

“R-Really?”

and with that, he became your conspirator in your mission to take as many photos of him as your camera’s storage could handle

.

“Just like that Sei…look more to the lef- yes, perfect!”

you spat one command after the other as the young man before you held onto the reins of his gorgeous white horse and let his hand gently run along the animal’s head

after snapping a few more photos you looked at them in silence, an unusual scene for your boyfriend

“Is something the matter (Y/N)? Aren’t you satisfied with these?”

your head shot up and you violently shook your head, explaining that it was nothing and you were just lost in thought; even though he quickly realized that you weren’t telling the truth, he chose to keep silent until you were ready to tell him what truly bothered you

unexpectedly, your silence lasted longer than he’d hoped for and no matter how unique he tried to organize these little photo sessions you did, your mood never seemed to improve which frustrated him

when he saw you sitting on the couch all sad and unmotivated while you scrolled through your camera roll, he immediately turned around and went back outside to his garden to mull over ways in which he could help you out

so to distract himself, he picked up his basketball, started dribbling, and began perfecting his shooting

the sound of the ball hitting the wall caught your attention, causing you to get up and search for its source

when you opened the front door you were greeted by a similar sight as the one back when you’d first taken Akashi’s photo which made you smile

“Sei-chan, that’s what I was looking for” you whispered as you subconsciously took a photo of the exact moment where the young man jumped and gently threw the ball against the wall, simulating a layup shot

still unaware of your presence the young man wiped his sweat with his shirt’s collar and the moment he felt your arms wrap around his body he jumped ever so slightly

before he could ask you anything, let alone say something, you kissed his cheek and whispered: “I knew it…you’re always beautiful, but the moment you shine the brightest is when you’re being yourself”

moved by your words he turned around, returning your embrace and kissing your lips as he then proceeded to hide his blushing face and glassy eyes from you by pressing you closer to himself

[nitrateglow]

forgive this mini rant

I get irrationally annoyed when people make claims like “Newer movies have better acting than old movies.” For me, it’s such a narrow view of the arts, like artistry is somehow “evolving,” making older works as disposable as spoiled milk because they’re now “outpaced” by whatever the new trend is.

(It also ignores that even within a general time period, there are several different schools of acting. Compare the acting in The General and Metropolis, both silent films from the same year, and tell me the acting is the same in both. TELL ME.)

Acting styles change over time, as do styles in any of the arts. Medieval frescoes are no less beautiful than realistic paintings or photography. Why is strict realism the end-all, be-all for some people? I get it as a preference... but why do some people demand it dominate EVERYTHING? It’s like saying, “Well Shakespeare was good for his time, but unfortunately, he didn’t realize real people don’t speak in blank verse like that, not like we moderns” or like the Restoration playwrights who sniffed at him for not observing the classical unities. They could not see past the style and artistic values of their own time, so Shakespeare had to be corrected when performed during the late 17th through mid 19th centuries.

Engaging with older works in general, be they Hollywood classics or Beowulf, means leaping into another time where different artistic values were at play. For me, that makes reading ancient poetry or watching old movies or looking at Byzantine art or whatever EXCITING. It can be challenging but it’s rewarding.

I love a variety of actors from different periods for different reasons. I love the operatic style of Lillian Gish as much as the understated styles of Sessue Hayakawa or Louise Brooks, for instance. I think Brando and Leigh are equally great in A Streetcar Named Desire. I love the naturalistic warmth between Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara in Carol as much as the sophisticated fairytale romance between William Powell and Kay Francis in One Way Passage. I love the malevolent energy of Jack Nicholson in The Shining and the simmering, intelligent wickedness of Anthony Hopkins in The Silence of the Lambs.

I could name more, but I don’t want to embarrass myself anymore than this because it really annoys me more than it should... It just irritates me how people see something different-- either from another time or culture-- and immediately assume that it must be bad because it isn’t like what they’re used to-- like when I watched Kurosawa’s Ran in a class and people were mocking the acting style. It was influenced by Noh theater, but to a class whose interest in Japanese culture only extended to modern anime, the acting was “bad” because “it’s silly and unrealistic.”

Okay, I’ll stop. I might even delete this idk.

[mercurygguk]

cockblocked. (m) | jjk

➵ summary; in which a pair of best friends are hopelessly in love with one another but they’re both too dumb to realize, even when everyone around them are dropping hints every five minutes. or alternatively; “you’re an idiot for thinking I wouldn’t love you back.”

pairing; jeongguk x f. reader

word count; 15.8k

rating; 18+

content; roommates au + friends (idiots) to lovers, smut/fluff/angst

warnings; mentions of alcohol, swearing, explicit sexual content, dirty talk, cum eating, oral sex (f. receiving), stupid jeongguk and stupid reader

a/n; i’ve been wanting to write a oneshot for so long with the ultimate boyfriend version of gguk, so i started writing with this gguk in mind. i hope you like it! ALSO, this is heavily unedited, so ignore any typos thx – enjoy!

find drabbles related to this fanfic through this tag !! 

Music is blaring through the speakers, shaking your body as you stand against the wall, watching people get shitfaced and stick their tongues down each other’s throats. There’s an untouched drink in your hand. It’s lukewarm by now and definitely tasting way worse than when it was made. You hate yourself for always saying yes to joining your friends at this type of scene. Quite simply, you hate every single thing about parties at frat houses. The music is shit, it’s nothing compared to your own favorite chill playlist filled with ballads and old classics. The alcohol smells and tastes like crap, and it doesn’t get you nearly as drunk as it should. To top it all off, your friends had left you alone for two random guys, so in conclusion, this night could’ve been better but it could’ve been much worse as well you suppose. It’s not like you’ve done anything stupid, so really, what’s the problem?

It’s not even that late when you decide to make your way upstairs. There must be a quieter place in this huge house where you can sit in silence until you deem it acceptable to leave again. But as you push your way past couples practically having sex on the staircase, you realize that all rooms are most likely taken. Maybe you should just leave now? You chuckle at your own situation. You haven’t even been here for two hours and you’re already planning on going home again. You shake your head to yourself as you continue your walk upstairs. It won’t hurt to see if you just happen to be lucky enough to find an empty room in this gigantic house.

The first room you come across seems quiet as you press your ear against the door’s surface. You take the chance and grab the handle before pushing yourself inside. You stop in your tracks when one of the two in there turns to look at you, the other one sitting with their head down a bucket. You grimace as you back out of the room, closing the door behind you. The smell of puke haunts you as you move on to the next door.

“Last room better be empty,” you whisper to yourself after checking almost every single room upstairs. You push yourself inside without a single warning to those who may be on the other side of the door. The scene in front of you doesn’t surprise you at all as you stay in the doorway. The pair stops their actions upon your presence.

“I swear that’s the seventh person to barge in here!” The girl, who was being grinded on by the dude on top of her, whines. The guy turns his head to look at you, a glare evident even though it’s mostly dark in the room. “And suddenly I’m not in the mood anymore,” the girl groans as she pushes Mr. Fuckboy off her, “see you around, Jeon.”

You watch with an amused smirk as the girl yanks her shirt off the ground, slipping it on and pushing past you out of the room, her shoulder bumping against yours. You chuckle to yourself, wondering why some girls just had to be like that. The guy you now know as ‘Jeon’ gets up from the bed, turning to face you fully. He’s not wearing a shirt which allows you to see the sleeve of tattoos on his right arm. His pants are unzipped and his belt is unbuckled, and yet he doesn’t seem fazed at all. You cock a brow at him as he finally notices and reaches down to zip his pants and buckle his belt.

“Thanks for cockblocking me by the way,” ‘Jeon’ shoots at you, making you scoff and cross your arms over your chest.

“Well, it’s not entirely my fault,” you defend yourself, gesturing to the door beside you, “you could’ve just locked the door.”

He chuckles at your defensive tone as he grabs his sweatshirt off the floor. He slips it over his head, messing his black, curly hair up even more than it was before. That girl must’ve had a good grip on it for it to look like such a mess in this very moment.

“Why are you even in here?” Jeon asks, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. It tames it a bit, you think to yourself as you watch it fall back onto his forehead and slightly into his eyes. Not bothering to answer his question, you decide on stepping further into the room, making your way to the balcony that happened to be in this exact room. Jeon watches you as you open the doors and head outside into the chilly night air. He follows behind, joining you on the balcony. Why he does so wonders the both of you. He leans on the railing beside you, looking at the side of your face. “Party not fun enough?”

You chuckle. “Just not my typical scene,” you tell him, glancing at him.

The stranger, who goes by ‘Jeon’ so far, is still looking at you, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “What is your typical scene then?”

This dude’s sudden interest in you doesn’t go unnoticed by you, so you decide to finally look at him fully instead of the drunk people on the front lawn below you.

“Somewhere quieter, somewhere you’re actually able to talk to people,” you explain to him, “and if there’s food, even better!”

This makes him laugh lightly, a glint in his eyes that makes your stomach tingle in a funny way. “A foodie then?”

You nod, a wide smile on your face. “Huge foodie.”

“What’s your name?” He asks, seeming genuinely interested in knowing it. “I’m Jeongguk.”

“___,” you tell him, “it’s nice to meet you, Jeongguk.”

He grins, a bunny smile appearing and you can’t help but think about how ridiculously cute he actually is. And yet still a fuckboy, without a doubt.

“Nice to meet you too, ___.”

You both watch the drunk people below in silence. You wonder what he’s thinking about. Does he think the same about these people as you or is he usually one of them? Maybe he’s one of those people who attends every single frat party. But he doesn’t seem to be very drunk at the moment. You’re about to ask him when he turns to look at you, eyes slightly wide with a glint in them as if he just thought of something brilliant.

“Wanna go somewhere else?” He suddenly asks. You squint your eyes at him, wondering what place he possibly could be thinking about. “I know this great place that has really good frozen yoghurt.”

You can’t help but let out a laugh, “you want frozen yoghurt at almost 1 am?”

He nods, a boyish smile on his face. “Yeah, why not? This party sucks aaaand you totally cockblocked me, so I see no reason to stay here anymore.”

Rolling your eyes, you chuckle at his attempt to make you feel guilty once again. “I stand my ground,”  you snicker, “you could’ve just locked the door, dumbass.”

Jeongguk shrugs it off, a tiny smirk appearing on his lips. “So, is that a yes?”

You purse your lips, pretending to think about his question when in reality you had made up your mind the second he mentioned frozen yoghurt. Food is never questioned, you always say yes when your friends ask, and now also when Jeongguk asks. You nod, smiling widely.

“Yeah, frozen yoghurt sounds really good, actually.”

Jeongguk grins, grabs your hand before pulling you back inside and out of the room. A mild tingle erupts in your stomach as you look down at how tightly his hand is gripping yours. You shake the thoughts from your head as you follow behind, letting him guide you downstairs to where the party is still ongoing. He pushes his way through the crowd of people, glancing back at you once in a while to make sure you’re still with him. Were you really just about to leave this party, leave your friends behind to get frozen yoghurt with a complete stranger? Guess so. Were you starting to regret saying yes? Surprisingly, no.

As you ride with the bus to the downtown part of the city, you learn a few things about Jeongguk. He tells you that he’s majoring in photography and that his camera is his most prized possession, he tells you about how he’s a huge gym rat and that he’s basically living his life at the gym when he isn’t studying or running around with his camera. You learn that Jeongguk loves food more than anything and that he’s quite a chef himself (but you also learn that he isn’t one to brag, so you basically had to force it out of him). He also tried to assure you that he wasn’t a fuckboy, which you had claimed him to be when you interrupted him in that bedroom. You only laugh it off, patting him on the shoulder as if to tell him it’s okay, that you don’t judge him for whatever sex life he’s living.

You find yourself enjoying his company more than you had expected to, laughing more than you ever would’ve at the frat party. Even at some point throughout the bus ride, your one leg had somehow managed to rest over his thigh, his hand on it as if it’s the most normal position for the two of you. And there’s not a single moment of awkward silence during the entire trip to that frozen yoghurt place which Jeongguk had been gushing about since you got on the bus.

“Why is this place even open so late?” You ask as Jeongguk holds the door open for you. You walk inside the shop, him following right behind. Before Jeongguk can answer your question, you gasp loudly as you take in the size of the place Jeongguk brought you to. He chuckles from beside you, grabbing your hand once again to pull you to the yoghurt machines. Your mouth is agape in amazement as you grab a cup, starting to mix different flavours. “Jeongguk, there’s too many flavours! How am I supposed to make one without having to pay a shit ton of money?”

Jeongguk laughs, eyes scrunching together and pearly white teeth showing. “I guess that means we have to visit again soon?” He says, more like a question than a statement.

You nod excitingly, making him laugh once again.

Jeongguk ends up paying for yours even after you fight him on it, but he didn’t take no for an answer and left you to watch as he paid for both cups of yoghurt, yours ending up more expensive than you had intended.

“Thanks, that was really kind of you,” you softly tell him as he hands you your cup, playfully glaring at him as he does so. “It’s on me next time.”

He shrugs it off, smiling softly. “Don’t worry about it, ___.”

You seat yourselves inside a booth, eating your frozen yoghurt in comfortable silence. Jeongguk finishes it rather quickly causing you to widen your eyes at his empty cup. You’re about to tell him he’ll end up with a brain freeze but the said brain freeze beats you to it. You watch as Jeongguk brings a hand to his forehead, groaning in agony.

“Fuck,” he swears, “wasn’t thinking about this when I shoved that down.”

You laugh, grimacing yourself as he grimaces in pain. After a while, it stops and Jeongguk rubs his forehead with a sigh.

“You good?” You ask as you try to stifle another laugh. He nods, glaring at you and then the empty cup in front of him. Pushing it to the side, you chuckle. “It’s not the yoghurt’s fault, Jeongguk.”

He sighs deeply as he leans back in his seat, watching you as you finish yours. You glance at him occasionally, offering him a small smile once in a while as well. His eyes are captivating in a way, dark brown irises and long lashes. You can’t hold his stare for long without feeling like he’s seeing right through you and reading everything there’s going on inside your head. A tiny crush is starting to develop at the bottom of your stomach, but you try to ignore it, not wanting to go in that direction right now.

“You never told me about yourself,” he then says, catching your attention once again as he leans over the table. You look at him, confused. “It was just me talking about myself on the way here and we never got to talk about you.”

“Oh!” You exclaim, “well, there isn’t much to tell.”

Jeongguk scoffs with a chuckle. “Come on, there has to be something.”

You think for a bit, trying to think about what you can tell him that could possibly be interesting for Jeongguk to hear about. “But what do you wanna know?” You ask him, smiling.

“Mhm,” he hums, “well, first of all, what’s your major?”

“English,” you answer.

He nods at that. “Favorite color?”

“Yellow.”

“Favorite animal?”

Without thinking, you smile and answer: “Bunnies.” 

You swear you see Jeongguk’s cheeks redden as the word leaves your mouth. You smile to yourself, resting your chin in your palm as you watch him, his cheeks flushed. He rubs his chin, searching for another question. 

“Ah! Celebrity crush?”

“Gong Yoo,” you sigh, dreamy gaze with what you’d call a real-life ‘heart eyes’ emoji expression on your face. Across from you, Jeongguk is pretending to gag. You swat at him, giggling lightly. “Shut up! You’re just jealous.”

“Never,” he retorted quickly, making you smirk slightly. “Okay, last question.”

You wait, anticipating something but not sure what exactly.

“Can I have your number?”

There’s nothing to do to stop the blush that colors your cheeks as you nod, smiling at him for being so damn smooth. He hands you his phone with a small smile, you type his phone number in and hand him his phone back. Jeongguk laughs as he notices how you put your name in his phone; ‘cockblocker <3′

“I’m glad we did this,” he suddenly says, his expression a serious but soft one. You nod in agreement.

“Me too,” you tell him, meaning it. This night turned out way better than you had expected, and it was all because you happened to cockblock Jeon Jeongguk.

You run around your dorm room with a towel wrapped around your body, wet hair all over the place as you try to figure out where you left your phone. Your phone is currently ringing and you know without a doubt who it is, but you can’t answer him because you might have lost it in the pile of clothes on your bed and floor.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” you hiss to yourself repeatedly as you rummage through the clothes, the ringing of your phone becoming more persistent if that’s even possible. Then it stops ringing before you have the chance to locate it. You continue to look as you sigh, knowing it will most likely ring again in a few seconds. But it doesn’t. Instead there’s a knock on your door. You glance down at your body. 

“Great, still naked,” you groan to yourself and move to the door, opening it and revealing your curly-haired best friend (who may you mention looks exceptionally good in his ripped blue jeans, black hoodie and white sneakers). He marches into your room before you even get to greet him. You close the door after him before turning to look at him. You grip the towel tightly, terrified it will fall if you let go. And cause a very awkward situation for you and Jeongguk.

“What’s taking you so long? We have to-” Jeongguk stops as he turns to face you, just now realising you’re only wrapped in a towel and not fully dressed at all. “Oh.”

Your lips turn into a straight line, nodding. “Yep.”

His cheeks turn a slight red color as he quickly turns back around, his back to you. “Sorry,” he then says. You laugh at his embarrassment, clearly not as fazed about this as him. And he’s supposed to be the girl magnet, you think to yourself.

“Calm down, Gguk. I decided to let you in even though I’m basically naked, so really, don’t worry about it.”

He glances at you over his shoulder, not even slightly discreet about the way he looks you up and down. You feel your cheeks slightly heat up, noticing the way his eyes linger on your hand which is still clutching the towel tightly. It has been almost 9 months since you met Jeongguk at the frat party and there has been a slight tension of something you can’t quite decipher ever since. There have been more than several moments like these where Jeongguk is staring at you a bit too long or his touch lingers on you for a while longer than they probably were supposed to. You always shrug it off, not thinking too much of it because it’s probably all in your head anyway.

Jeongguk sits himself down on your bed, gesturing to the bathroom. “Well, get dressed already. Jimin’s performance is in like 30 minutes.”

“Right!” You shriek, now remembering what the purpose of your shower was. 

Jimin is Jeongguk’s best friend from high school and is a year ahead of you and Jeongguk at the same college. Jimin is a dance major, doing all kinds of dances varying from hiphop to contemporary and so on. He’s truly talented and even more of a sweetheart. You met him one night a few months back when you joined Jeongguk and his group of friends at a karaoke bar. You hit it off with Jimin in particular that night, and your friendship has only been getting better ever since.

Jeongguk watches with a lopsided smile as you scurry back to the bathroom to dry your hair. You haven’t even decided on an outfit yet. “What do I even wear?”

On your bed, Jeongguk is looking through your clothes. He holds up a red skirt without thinking, just simply liking the color of it.. “What about this?” He calls out to you, having no idea at all what you could possibly wear to go see a dance performance. You open the bathroom door slightly to look at him and the piece of clothing in his hand.

“A flaming red miniskirt?” You question, raising a single eyebrow at him. He catches your tone and drops it to the floor, looking for something else.

He tries again as he holds up a pair of light denim jeans with a cute, hesitating smile on his face. “Jeans?”

You grin, nodding, “much better.”

The place is crowded once you and Jeongguk arrive at the theatre where Jimin is going to perform. You look around, trying to see if you can spot Jimin. You want to wish him good luck before he gets on stage. Just as you locate him, he looks up and locks eyes with you. You wave excitingly, grabbing Jeongguk’s arm and pulling him towards his own best friend. Jeongguk lets you drag him along with a small smile on his lips.

“Hey, you guys made it!” Jimin beamed, hugging you tightly. You smile as Jimin gives you a light squeeze before pulling away.

Jeongguk grins at his best friend. “We wouldn’t miss it, hyung.”

Jimin pats Jeongguk on the shoulder in an appreciative manner. “Well, take a seat. The show is starting in 15 minutes or so,” he gestures to the seats, “I have to get backstage before the stylists have my ass for not being ready on time.”

You chuckle, not surprised that Jimin is one to always struggle with being on time. It has happened once or twice before.

“Good luck!” You make sure to tell him. Beside you, Jeongguk offers his hyung an encouraging smile and a thumbs up. Jimin gives your hand a squeeze before heading off to backstage. You both watch him run off, the stylist already smacking his arm as she tells him to sit down. You glance at Jeongguk who’s already laughing because of his best friend. “Where do you wanna sit?” You ask him.

He shrugs, “you decide, I’m happy anywhere.” You nod and purse your lips, looking over the theatre.

“Let’s just sit here,” you point to the seats right beside you. Jeongguk agrees, his hand coming up to rest against the small of your back as to tell you to sit first. Your skin tingles underneath your shirt at his touch, his hand strong but soft on you and lingering a tad bit longer than necessary. You sit down, Jeongguk plopping down beside you. His hand is resting on the armrest between the two of you and it takes all in you to not let your own rest on top of his.

To say your crush on Jeongguk had become less and less the past 9 months would be a total lie. If anything, it has only become worse and yet you can’t get yourself to tell him because you’re sure he doesn’t feel the same way. He’s still the ‘Jeon’ you met at the party almost a year ago, his fuckboy tendencies coming through once in a while and you’ve seen girls leave his room in the morning when you’d arrive at his place to hang out. And it hurt slightly every single time but you’ve never considered telling him why it hurts. He doesn’t even know it hurts you. But then again, here he is on a Saturday night, spending his evening with you to watch Jimin’s dance performance when in reality, he has seen Jimin perform multiple times. More times than he can count and it’s nothing new to him. He could be balls deep in some random girl right now and yet he’s here. With you. And his leg is brushing against yours, his shoulder is also touching you. It would be so easy to just tangle your fingers through his but your insecurities and doubt stop you from doing anymore. You sigh deeply, leaning back in your seat.

Jeongguk notices the heavy sigh you let out, looking at you with slight worry in his eyes. “Everything okay?”

You nod, offering him a soft smile. “Yeah, just a bit tired,” you answer him, a small yawn escaping your lips. It was partly true. You can tell he doesn’t quite believe you but decides against it, not wanting to push you into telling him.

Jimin’s performance starts right then. The lights dimmed down as he appears on stage along with a group of other people, his dance team that consists of other guys. Some of them are also Jeongguk’s friends; Taehyung and Hoseok. You watch with wide, exciting eyes, feeling very proud of Jimin for finally doing this performance when you know how much he has been working on it and how time consuming it has been for him. What you don’t notice throughout the entire performance is that Jeongguk is occasionally watching you instead of the performance, his heart beating just a tad bit faster whenever you almost catch him.

When Jimin finishes and bows to the crowd, you stand up for an applause, smiling widely as he thanks everyone by bowing one more time and then heading off stage.

Jeongguk taps your shoulder, motioning his head as if to tell you to leave. “Let’s go find him,” he says over the music that’s still playing. You nod, grabbing your things and following right behind. You squeal, happy and excited as you spot Jimin by the stage. He turns around just as you reach him, engulfing him in a tight hug. Jeongguk stands by behind you, watching you hug the living shit out of his best friend. It doesn’t feel right, he thinks to himself.

“You were amazing!” You cheered, squeezing him tightly as he did to you earlier. He laughs at your gushing excitement as you pull apart, thanking you and flashing you that charming smile of his.

Jimin glances at Jeongguk, smiling lips falling into a straight line. You don’t notice but Jeongguk is glaring at Jimin and Jimin knows exactly why. He scratches the back of his head, glancing back at his team before looking back at you and Jeongguk.

“We, um, we’re headed to a bar downtown. You guys wanna join?”

You look at Jeongguk briefly before smiling at Jimin, nodding, “sure.”

“Great! We’re leaving in a few, I just need to pack up my stuff,” Jimin grins and heads over to his team. You spot two people that you know — Hoseok and Taehyung. Taehyung caught your eye a lot during the performance, his mop of curly black hair stood out a lot and the way he was so into the performance and the mood of the songs. Truly mesmerising. 

Jeongguk clears his throat beside you, letting you know that he’s still right beside you. Your cheeks heat up at the possible chance of being caught ogling a bit too long at Taehyung. 

“Let’s go,” you pipe up, leaving Jeongguk’s side to go find Jimin again. The tension that’s starting to form is too intense for you right now. You feel Jeongguk’s eyes on you as you walk away and up to Jimin. Jeongguk’s heart drops a little when he can tell that you decide to walk with Jimin all the way to the bar downtown. He doesn’t get to stand there and grumble too long because Hoseok and Taehyung are quick to pull him along, dragging him in the same direction you and Jimin left in.

Your laughter sounds like a sweet melody to Jeongguk as he watches you from his seat at the bar, laughing at something Taehyung says to you. You’ve been sitting beside Taehyung for the past two hours, laughing and having a good time which is great but Jeongguk doesn’t like how close to you Taehyung is sitting and he certainly doesn’t like the way you have to touch Taehyung’s arm every time you laugh at something he says. Jeongguk takes a swig of his beer as Jimin plops down on the seat beside him. Jimin follows his line of sight, sighing deeply once he realizes what has caused him to become so quiet. 

“Dude, you’re gonna burn holes in their skulls if you keep staring like that,” Jimin calls out, snapping Jeongguk out of his own thoughts.

Jeongguk sighs, taking his eyes off you and Taehyung. “Yeah,” he trails off.

Eyeing him carefully, Jimin places a hand on his shoulder. “If it’s that bad, why don’t you just go talk to her?” He suggests, the tone sounding hesitant.

Jeongguk glances at Jimin. “You know I can’t do that,” he grumbles, turning his back to you and Taehyung, facing the bar instead. 

Jimin nods as he remembers why. “Sure, but can you explain it to me again? I still don’t see the point.”

Rolling his eyes, Jeongguk runs a hand through his hair only for it to fall back into his eyes. He really needed a haircut soon, he thinks to himself.

“I can’t tell her how I feel because that’d ruin our friendship and I’d rather have her be my friend than nothing at all,” he explains to Jimin as if it’s obvious. And it was true. Jeongguk’s straight up terrified that you’ll find out how he really feels about you and then proceed to end your friendship. It’s a risk he isn’t willing to take, maybe someday but just not yet.

Jimin hums to himself. “What if she feels the same then?” Jeongguk stays silent. “Ever thought about that possibility?”

Shaking his head, he sighs, almost sounding like he has given up on you already. “Listen, I just know that she doesn’t. She wouldn’t be over there with Tae right now if that was the case- Ow! What the hell was that for?”

He rubs the back of his head, pouting lightly at his best friend. Jimin shakes his head. “You’re dumber than I thought,” he concludes before getting up from his seat and heading back to the table where the rest of his dance team is sitting. 

Jeongguk slumps in his seat, dropping his head into his hand. Jimin is right; he really is dumb. But as he glances back at you and sees the wide smile on your face, the same smile he can get out of you with his stupid jokes and goofy faces, he just knows that he wouldn’t be able to live without you even if it meant he got to tell you how he really feels. Jeongguk turns his back to the scene that is you and Taehyung again, finishing his bottle of beer before ordering a new one.

It isn’t even him who walks you home to your dorm that night. Taehyung gets the chance and swoops right in, offering to walk you home. You let him without hesitation and Jeongguk can only stand back, watching you walk off with Taehyung by your side. And it doesn’t go unnoticed, neither by him or Jimin, that you also forgot to hug your best friend goodnight. Jimin offers Jeongguk an apologetic smile, patting his shoulder and wishing him a good night before heading home with Hoseok, who’s also his roommate besides being his teammate.

Jeongguk is pretty sure everyone who passes by him on his way home can hear the sound of his heart breaking a bit more for every step he takes. But what does it matter? You don’t want this broken heart anyway.

“I’m thinking about moving out of the frat house.”

Your eyes widen in surprise and you choke on the coffee Jeongguk had just served you, coughing lightly and holding a “one second” hand up to Jeongguk who looks at you worried. Once your coughing dies down, you look at him, still surprised.

“You what?”

Jeongguk chuckles in his seat across from you. “I don’t feel like staying at the frat house anymore,” he shrugs, “I earn enough from working here to find my own place.”

Jeongguk’s little part time job at the campus café actually does pay him a good amount of money, but you wouldn’t expect anything else since he’s here more than he’s in class. The hours he dedicates to this place also gives him the right to chill in a booth with you during his shift because the owner of the shop gives him that much freedom. He has her hooked around his little finger and she doesn’t even know it. You smile at the thought, knowing very well that every single woman — old and young — would let Jungkook do whatever he wants after being flashed that charming smile of his. You guess that’s just the way his charms work.

“What’s on your mind?” Jeongguk asks, tapping your forehead to get you back to earth.

Your cheeks turn pink, “sorry.”

Jeongguk smiles at you, eyes glinting like they always do behind that long hair. “Actually, I already found a place I would like to rent, it’s not far from campus and it’s the perfect size even though it’s a 3-bedroom apartment,” he tells you. You smile, happy for him.

“That’s great, Gguk!” You beamed. “I’m happy for you.”

He did say 3-bedroom apartment though. Does that mean he’ll get himself a roommate? Your head fills with possible options for a roommate for him. Jimin could be a good one, but he already lives off campus with Hoseok. Taehyung lives by himself in a studio apartment, so that wasn’t an option either. He could ask that other guy he sometimes hangs out with, that one from his photography class and his frat house too. Namjoon, was it? You purse your lips, several faces showing up in your mind. Jeongguk clears his throat across from you, bringing you back once again.

“You’re zoning out a lot today,” he states, concern covering his face. You chuckle. 

“I was just thinking about who you could ask to be your roommate,” you tell him and Jeongguk opens his mouth to speak up but you continue, “most of your friends already live off campus but you could ask that Namjoon fella, he still lives in the frat house, right?”

Jeongguk nods.

“He seems like a nice guy,” you ponder, finger tapping your chin. “You could just find some stranger too, but that’s quite a risk, isn’t it? Personally, I would prefer someone I know already, but you do you.”

You hear him sigh in defeat as you ramble on. “Or what about-”

Jeongguk cuts you off. “I already know who I’m gonna ask,” he blurts.

“Oh.” You fall silent. 

“Yeah,” Jeongguk says, “she’s rambling her ass off right now and she does that a lot to be honest, so I don’t know if I still wanna ask her.”

Your cheeks are burning as Jeongguk smirks at you, knowing very well that you’re aware he’s talking about you. Composing yourself, you sit upright in your seat. “Well, what if she doesn’t wanna move out of her dorm?”

Jeongguk chuckles sarcastically. “Oh, but she does,” he snickered, “with the amount of times she has complained about the shitty shower in her room, I’m convinced she’s just waiting for the opportunity to get out of there.” 

“Am not!” You defend yourself even though you know he’s right. 

Jeongguk laughs. “Shut up.”

You cross your arms over your chest, pretending to be offended but you can’t hold the act for long as you burst into laughter. “Okay, you’re right. I really do hate that shower.”

“Thought so,” Jeongguk smirks lightly. He stands from his seat, knowing he has to get back to work before the customers think he’s some lazy barista. He offers you another one of those charming smiles of his. “You’re my best friend, ___. I can’t imagine anyone else in that room other than you. So just think about it, yeah?”

You nod, smiling. You watch him walk off, heading for the cashier. He moves around the counter, patting the other cute barista boy (he’s a sophomore and he basically idolizes Jeongguk) on the shoulder as he passes by him and continues out to the back of the café. You turn back to your laptop and books, smiling to yourself as you take another sip of your coffee, made (with a tiny amount of love, but you don’t know that) by Jeongguk.

You don’t get too much time to yourself and your assignment before a certain dancer slips into the seat Jeongguk was in previously. You glance up at Jimin, who’s smiling slyly at you. You give him a confused but curious look, closing your laptop screen. “What?”

He nods his head in Jeongguk’s direction. “Did he ask you?”

“Asked me what?”

Jimin rolls his eyes. “Don’t play dumb, you know what I’m talking about.”

You shrug. “He did,” you squint at him as he cheers, clapping his hands.

“Well,” he gushes, “did you say yes?” His excitement is bouncing off the walls as he leans over the table. You’re close to getting a whiplash from his quickly changing expression as you watch his face fall not even two seconds later. “Did you say no? Why?”

You shake your head, not able to keep up with him. “Calm down, will you? I didn’t even get to answer you.”

Jimin breathes out and slumps back in his seat. “Sorry,” he pouts but grins nevertheless, “I’m just excited.”

“You don’t say,” you mumble under your breath. “I didn’t give him an answer yet, he told me to think about it.”

Across from you, Jimin smiles at you - his smile hinting at something. You let out a small groan. “Jimin! I know what you’re thinking and no, I’m not gonna do it.”

“What?” Jimin exclaims, hands up in surrender. “You don’t even know what I was gonna say.”

Now it’s your time to roll your eyes because yes, you do in fact know what he’s about to say. Jimin has been pestering you ever since he met you about the fact that you’re ‘pining’ after Jeongguk, your feelings on your sleeve and obvious to anyone around you, except for Jeongguk. The fact that you haven’t even told Jimin how you feel about Jeongguk just shows how well Jimin reads people and apparently you’re like an open book, especially to Jimin. Not to certain others.

“Have you ever thought about the possibility that he might like you too?” Jimin questions you, the same question he asked Jeongguk at the bar the other night. You nod your head at this, sighing deeply in exasperation.

“I have, Jimin, I really have,” you mumble, “but it’s obvious he doesn’t feel the same way. I can just tell that I’m nothing but a good friend to him.”

Jimin might scream at the both of you very soon. How blind and stupid can people actually be?

“If you say so,” he backtracks. You lean back in your seat, pen coming up to lay between your teeth. You bite on it as you stare at nothing in particular, Jeongguk is filling up your brain like he lives there rent free. “Look, ___,” Jimin catches your attention again, “accept his offer, maybe you’ll be surprised.”

He gives you a friendly, comforting smile and a squeeze of your hand before he gets up. He waves at Jeongguk who stands behind the counter again before leaving the café. His words linger around you. “Maybe you’ll be surprised.” Jimin had said and you wonder why he would say that. You know Jeongguk quite well even after less than a year as friends; what could possibly surprise you at this point?

Maybe it wouldn’t be that bad to live in the same place as Jeongguk. This thought has appeared in your head for the past hours since you left the café. Now you’re sitting here, in your bed with a Netflix show, which you’re not paying attention to, running through several episodes. Jeongguk’s proposition has been raking up your mind since he left you to yourself at the café. It’s like he knew you would have to think about it when he told you to do exactly that.

And as you sit here, thoughts running at full speed, you try to come up with pros and cons for living under the same roof as your bff #1. Pros are that you get a nice shower every time you have to bath, you will live off Jeongguk’s delicious gastronomic talent and you’ll have your best friend close to you at all times. Cons would be the possibility of getting tired of each other even though you already spend five out of seven days together during the week. Another con would be witnessing girls leave his room and your apartment in the morning after having heard her scream his name all night. That specific thought makes a weird, not-so-great feeling appear in your stomach, making you frown deeply. But you will have to realize sooner or later that Jeongguk won’t ever see you that way and that this crush of yours is a lost cause. Maybe it really is time to just get over it. You sigh deeply, grabbing your phone off the nightstand to send Jeongguk a text.

you [11:38 pm]: i’ll do it, but you gotta make me delicious food every day

You wait for his reply, staring at your screen. Heart hammers wildly as three dots appear on the screen. Your breath hitches in your throat as you read his reply.

gguk [11:40 pm]: anything for you princess ;)

Jeongguk has never in these months of you knowing him, called you a nickname like that. And the way your cheeks blush as you imagine him saying it, tells on you. You love it.

Jeongguk groans as he puts down your last box on the floor of your new bedroom. It’s a box with all your English books and there’s a lot. “Have you even read all of these?”

You stop in your little project of hanging up all your precious polaroid pictures, turning to look at him. You scoff, lying as you say: “yes, of course.”

He smirks lightly, giving you a look that says ‘nice try’. You laugh to yourself, turning back around to your polaroids. 

Jeongguk plops down on your bed, head laying on his hands as he brings them up behind his head. Today is a day for the books, you thought to yourself when he first arrived along with Jimin to get all your boxes and shove them into Jimin’s tiny car. He’s wearing blue jeans again, which you absolutely love on him, and he has styled them simply with a black t-shirt, showing off his tattooed right arm. You’ve been staring at him quite a few times since you arrived at the apartment you and Jeongguk have rented together. And it wasn’t helping how his arms kept flexing as he carried your boxes with all your shit up to your new bedroom.

He watches you in silence as you hang up the polaroids, standing with one in particular a bit longer. You smile as you reach down, showing it to him. “It’s us,” you smile softly.

Jeongguk takes the polaroid from your fingers, holding it closer to his face to see it better. It’s a polaroid photo taken at the Han River from that one night where you went out to eat dinner with his friends and some of your girlfriends. You had brought your polaroid camera along, hoping to catch some memories with it tonight. Jeongguk had noticed it that evening, grabbing it from your purse and snapping a ‘selfie’ of the two of you.

He smiles at the photo, remembering that evening as clear as if it was yesterday. That evening was one of the first times Jeongguk realized that he was indeed absolutely smitten by you and that you had him wrapped around your finger. You just didn’t know and you still don’t. “That was a great night,” he reminisces, handing you the photo back. You hang it up on the wall, right in the middle of all the others.

“Yeah,” you sigh deeply, “it was.”

Jeongguk claps his hands on his thighs as he sits up on the edge of your bed. You plop down beside him. “Pizza for dinner?” He suggests.

You nod frantically, “yes, please.”

And that’s how you and Jeongguk end up on the couch, watching that stupid movie with Gong Yoo. You’re completely sucked into that movie, mouth open in awe as you watch Gong Yoo unfolding his charms on the tv-screen. “Wow,” you breathe out as he kisses the main female character. Jeongguk scoffs from beside you, rolling his eyes before dropping his head backwards. The ceiling is more interesting than that ridiculous movie.

“Why is everyone so obsessed with this guy?” he asks, looking back at the screen again.

You shoot him a glare. “Are you sure you're not jealous?”

Jeongguk gasps dramatically, pretending to be offended by your words as he places a hand over his heart. “Am not!”

“Am too!” You laugh, scooting closer to him on the couch. “Admit it, you don’t like Gong Yoo because he’s getting a lot more attention than you.”

Scoffing again, Jeongguk knows that’s a lie and suddenly feeling like he needs to prove a point. He has girls waiting for him, not that you don’t know that. He smirks at you and says: “You know that’s a big fat lie, ___.”

You cock a brow at him. “You’re so full of yourself,” you scoff and get off the couch, taking the pizza boxes with you to clean up, “and you’re jealous, it’s obvious.”

Jeongguk scoffs right back at you as he gets up to follow you into the kitchen. “I am not jealous of some actor,” he states, “I have no reason to be.” You sigh to yourself, your back facing him as he leans in the doorway to the kitchen. You know very well that he has no reason to be jealous of some actor and you certainly don’t need him to remind you. He watches you clean up with a frown. “___.”

“What, Gguk?” You laugh humorlessly, turning to face him. “I get it, you’re hot and a woman magnet and so on, you don’t have to explain it to me.”

He smirks lightly, pushing himself off the wall and stepping closer to you. “Who’s the jealous one now?” He chuckled, arms crossed over his chest as he towers over you. You groan and push at him, making him take a step back from you.

“You’re so annoying,” you grumbled, moving around him and out of the kitchen. Jeongguk watches you walk away towards your bedroom. “Goodnight, roomie,” you call out, waving a hand over your head without glancing back at him. There was a tone of sarcasm in your voice. The door to your bedroom being closed as Jeongguk sighs to himself, wandering his way to his own bedroom. As soon as his head hits the pillow, he’s asleep. The day must’ve been more tiring than he had thought. A nice memory of him and a pretty girl at the Han River fills up his mind as he dozes off into the night.

The next morning you’re sitting at the dining table, laptop and books out. Your reading glasses are resting on the bridge of your nose and your hair is in a messy bun, making you look relaxed as you study for whatever class you have coming up. Jeongguk strolls out of his bedroom, no shirt… only a pair of grey sweatpants. You glance at him as he passes by you, heading directly for the fridge. You can hear him rustle around for a bowl and a spoon. A minute later he joins you at the dining table, a bowl of fruit loops in front of him.

“Morning,” he says softly, voice still hoarse from waking up. Your stomach tingles at the sound and you mentally slap yourself for being such a wimp for him. You don’t give him a response, continuing to read in your book and type away on your laptop. You can feel him glancing at you occasionally as he eats his cereal. Jeongguk pouts lightly, sighing deeply as you don’t pay him any attention. This is not how he expected the first morning in the apartment to be like. He grumbles to himself for a bit, contemplating on what to say to fill out the silence that has overcome the two of you. An idea pops into his head. 

“Hey, I was thinking,” he starts, making you look at him briefly. You focus back on your laptop. Jeongguk falls silent.

“I’m listening,” you tell him, voice soft. “I just gotta finish this, but I’m listening.”

Jeongguk nods, hands fumbling. Why was he suddenly so nervous around you? There is absolutely no reason to be. Was it the tone from last time in which you had told him goodnight and then left him to himself that had him so on edge? He can’t really tell.

“I was thinking that we could have a small get-together with our friends, like a moving-in party?” He suggests. This idea actually sounds interesting, you think to yourself as you look back at him. Jeongguk smiles softly, continuing: “We can just invite the guys I usually hang with and then you can invite Lisa and Jisoo?”

You nod, smiling. “That does sound fun,” you agree on his idea, “let’s do it.”

A grin appears on Jeongguk’s lips. “Tonight? If people are able to make it with such short notice?”

Again, you nod. “I’m sure they don’t have more important stuff to attend on this Saturday evening,” you chuckle, knowing your friends and the fact that they rarely have much to do except for school, work and hanging out with each other. Same goes for Jeongguk’s friends. 

“You’re right,” Jeongguk laughs, feeling more at ease now that you’ve joked around with him a bit instead of just sitting there in silence and not really noticing him. It feels better when you laugh, joke around and talk like you usually do without the annoyed and slightly jealous tone. “I’ll text around, asking them to come over tonight.”

You nod lightly, watching him get up from his seat and bringing his cereal bowl to the kitchen. “Remember to tell them to bring their own alcohol! We have nothing in this house yet,” you call out, chuckling slightly. You really didn’t. You almost didn’t have any food either. Maybe today calls for a shopping trip to the supermarket. You turn back to your laptop, eager to finish the assignment and then getting to the supermarket to buy snacks and some food for your empty kitchen cupboards. Maybe Jeongguk can join you on the trip there.

“You think this is enough?” Jeongguk wonders out loud as he places the bowls of snacks down on the coffee table. You join him a few seconds later, a bunch of glasses in your arms for the beverage. Jeongguk notices you joggling all those glasses, rushing to your side with wide eyes to take some from you.

“Thanks,” you softly say, letting him take most of the glasses and placing them down on the table as well. He smiles sweetly in return. “I think it’s enough, we have a few extra chips bags in the cupboard.”

“Perfect,” Jeongguk grins, clapping his hands and rubbing them together in excitement. “This is gonna be fun, I didn’t expect everyone to say yes but they’re literally all coming here in like ten minutes.”

You chuckle softly, making Jeongguk’s stomach do small backflips. He ignores them as he plops down on the couch. “I’m excited,” you sigh, plopping down beside him.

Jeongguk nods, smiling still. “Me too,” he murmurs.

You and Jeongguk fall into small-talk as you wait for your guests to arrive. A bit more than ten minutes pass and the first guest knocks on the door. Jeongguk gets up to let them in, not getting to say much before he’s engulfed in a tight hug by Hoseok. “Hey man,” Hoseok grins, squeezing Jeongguk tightly. He pats him on the back before letting go and walking further inside. Jimin and Taehyung follow right behind, both giving Jeongguk one of those guy hugs.

You lock eyes with Taehyung, his eyes lighting up at the sight of you. He lets go of Jeongguk to make his way to you, smiling widely. He looks really good, you think to yourself as he stops in front of you. His dark hair was curlier and more unruly than the last time you saw him which was only a few days ago. His smile was wide and bright as always, and his eyes a warm, dark brown. “Hey,” he greets you, smiling.

“Hi,” you reply, leaning closer to give him a hug. Jeongguk is closing the door behind Jimin as he glances your way and notices how Taehyung is already at your side, hugging you. He feels himself become slightly frustrated but Jimin is quick to push a hand against his chest, stopping him from walking over to you and make himself look stupid.

“Don’t,” he shakes his head at Jeongguk, eyeing him down until Jeongguk looks slightly less like he could punch Taehyung in the face right now. His jealousy is starting to get the best of him. He watches you, noticing how you smile that specific smile whenever you get flustered or complimented. Jimin glances in the direction of you and Taehyung, sighing as he looks back at Jeongguk. “You don’t get to be like this, Gguk. Not when you haven’t done anything to get her yourself.”

Jeongguk breathes out deeply, taking his eyes away from the relationship that’s starting to unfold in front of his eyes. Jimin is right, once again. He has no right to get all worked up and angry at the thought of you with Taehyung. At least Taehyung has the balls to actually flirt with you. Jeongguk feels like it backfires every time he tries to. Maybe it just isn’t meant to be you and him. With one glance at you and Taehyung, he joins Jimin in the kitchen to get himself a beer.

The night goes on, the rest of your friends arriving not long after Taehyung, Hoseok and Jimin. Lisa and Jisoo sit with you at the dining table, having fun as all of you laugh loudly at whatever you’re talking about. Jeongguk has been watching you tonight more than he’d like to admit, almost being caught a few times. But he was quick enough to look away before you could lock eyes with him. He hasn’t spoken much to you since your friends had arrived which made his heart fall a bit further into his stomach. 

You glance in his direction, smiling softly. Jeongguk smiles back at you, deciding to get up and talk to you for the first time in hours. Grabbing his beer off the table, he’s about to get up and make his way to you, but he quickly stops in his tracks. Taehyung appears out of nowhere, standing close to you. His hands are resting on your shoulders as you look up at him. He smiles and says something Jeongguk can’t make out. You get up from your seat, letting Taehyung take your hand in his and guide you to the small balcony that is in you and Jeongguk’s apartment. 

Jeongguk doesn’t notice Lisa and Jisoo looking at him, sad smiles on their faces as his face drops and he heads for the kitchen instead, walking past them. You nor Jeongguk knows that the two girls are secretly rooting for the two of you to finally get out of your heads and actually date. It has been too long of this pining after one another, but you’re both in denial no matter how much either Lisa, Jisoo, Jimin or whoever it is, tells you to confess to each other. Lisa gets up from her seat, letting Jisoo know she’ll be right back. 

Lisa sighs deeply at the sight when she enters the kitchen. Jeongguk is hunched over the kitchen counter, head in his hands. She walks up to him, leaning against the counter beside him. Jeongguk senses her presence, grumbling lightly. “What?”

She scoffs, throwing a slap to his back causing him to stand up and face her. He glares at her, but he doesn’t say anything as he leans back against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. He’s frowning deeply, looking at the floor. “What’s going on with you?” Lisa asks, even though she knows what’s up. Jeongguk glances quickly at her before diverting his gaze back to the floor.

“Nothing,” he shrugs.

Lisa scoffs again, not believing any of his bullshit. “Bullshit, Jeon. I know this is about ___.”

He can’t help but roll his eyes at the mention of your name. He’s about to have had enough of talking about you and his feelings for you. Jeongguk is quite literally wearing his heart on his sleeve for everyone to see and yet you’re the only one who doesn’t notice. “I just needed a moment to myself,” he mumbles, sighing deeply before taking a swig of his 4th or 5th beer of tonight.

Lisa nods, “I get that. I mean, she did go with Tae just as you were about to approach her.”

“Yup,” Jeongguk pops the ‘p’, another sip of his beer down his throat. “She’s with Tae, probably already head over heels for him.”

The annoyance in his tone and the slight disgust makes Lisa sigh. “Listen, Jeongguk, you’re doing nothing. You walk around, hang out with her and now you live with her and she still doesn’t know. ___ is blind as hell and she won’t know about your feelings if you don’t acknowledge them yourself.”

“I know,” Jeongguk groans, “but I just don’t- I don’t think she’ll ever see me like I see her.”

Lisa pats his shoulder, giving him a smile that probably is supposed to comfort him but it only makes him feel like she’s pitying him. “Just think about telling her how you feel instead of getting hurt every time someone else does what you could be doing.”

And with that, she leaves him alone in the kitchen again. Staying in his place for a few minutes, he contemplates going out to the balcony and demanding to talk to you, even if it means he has to interrupt your conversation with Taehyung. He empties his beer, leaving it behind as he makes his way to the balcony. He opens the door slightly, slipping outside to see you there with your hand in Taehyung’s. His face drops a little along with his heart. He covers it well with a small smile, his heart hammering hard inside his chest still.

“Hey Tae,” he says, “can I steal ___ for a bit?”

Taehyung nods at his younger friend, looking back at you. “So Friday then?” Taehyung smiles at you.

Friday? What happens Friday?

Jeongguk looks at you, awaiting your answer like Taehyung. “Yep,” you nod, smiling softly back at the curly-haired man in front of you.

“Awesome, it’s a date then,” he grins and lets go of your hand, heading back inside. Jeongguk moves to the side, letting Taehyung through the door. You glance at your roommate slash best friend, watching him as he moves closer. Silence overcomes you for the second time today and Jeongguk finds it unbearable. There’s usually never silence between you or around you, only when you have study dates and even then you always end up chatting instead of actually studying. 

Jeongguk clears his throat to break the silence. “So a date, huh?”

You look at him, a small hesitant smile on your lips but it looks closer to being a frown than an actual smile. “Yeah,” you trail off, finger fumbling as you lean over the balcony fence. Jeongguk’s hands are in his pockets but he feels them itching, dying to grab your fumbling ones.

“He’s a great guy,” Jeongguk suddenly blurts. You look at him confused. “Taehyung, I mean.”

You nod slowly, wondering where this conversation is going.

“But he loves girls, ___,” he rambles on, “you know, like, he has a hard time focusing on just one.”

Your face becomes hard, slightly offended on Taehyung’s behalf as the words leave Jeongguk’s mouth. “Oh, so he’s like you?”

Jeongguk falls silent at your words and it feels like a low blow. He sighs and frowns, looking away from you, staring at the almost empty street below. You can’t help but feel slightly guilty from saying that but it’s not a lie. Jeongguk has a booty call or two during the week, always having someone to contact whenever he needs his dick wet. But you still feel bad for firing off such a harsh comment.

“I’m sorry,” you murmur, softly touching his bicep before heading back inside, leaving Jeongguk alone on the balcony.

You’re right, he thinks, but it’s only you who actually matters to him.

Two months have passed since your moving-in party, and things have been a bit tense around the apartment ever since. Taehyung has visited the apartment more often than any of your shared friends, but not for Jeongguk’s company. No, yours. And even though Jeongguk really has no say in your relationship with Taehyung, he still can’t help himself as he finds it ridiculous. He can tell you’re not as much in it as Taehyung is and it’s quite painful to watch. Why you’re not as into it as him is still a mystery to Jeongguk.

Today is no different as Jeongguk sits on the couch, watching his favorite cartoon when the doorbell rings. He groans lowly as he gets up from the couch to open the door. Taehyung appears in front of him, his big and unruly curly hair taking all the attention. Dude should get a haircut, Jeongguk thinks to himself as he leaves the door open for Taehyung to enter. 

“Hey man,” Taehyung greets Jeongguk, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. “Is ___ home?”

Jeongguk cocks a single eyebrow. Shouldn’t he have checked that before coming here. “She’s in the shower,” he tells Taehyung, plopping back down on the couch. Taehyung nods, thanking him quietly before heading for your bedroom. Jeongguk watches him, grumbling under his breath because he’s starting to get tired of seeing Taehyung’s face that often during the week. He sighs to himself, trying to focus on his cartoon show instead of the sounds of you giggling inside your room.

Long hours pass before Jeongguk hears Taehyung leaving, the clock striking eleven in the evening before he’s out of you and Jeongguk’s apartment. He did leave quite in a rush though, making Jeongguk curious. He leaves his laptop on as he gets up from his bed to go to your bedroom. He knocks on your slightly opened door, peeking inside. You’re nowhere to be seen making him frown and furrow his eyebrows. He hears shuffling in the kitchen as he moves to the living room. When he reaches the doorway to the kitchen, he leans against it. You’re moving around, rummaging through the cupboards for something, dressed in pajamas shorts and an oversized t-shirt, one that looks awfully a lot like one of his.

“What are you looking for?” Jeongguk calls out, making you jump in surprise. You hold a hand to your chest as you turn to look at him, eyes wide. Jeongguk smirks lightly at your shocked expression, noticing the light blush that appears on your cheeks.

You turn your back to him to continue to look through the cupboards. “Just some snacks, I’m craving some right now,” you tell your best friend who you have no idea is just behind you. You freeze in your actions as Jeongguk reaches up to grab his usual snack off the top shelf. He hands it to you, smiling softly. You squint at him, wondering why he’s giving you his favorite snacks and the last pack at that.

As if he can read your mind: “You can have them if you want.”

Smiling, you open the pack and pop one into your mouth, the crispy consistency making you sigh in content. Jeongguk laughs at your happy expression, knowing the way to your heart is usually through food. 

You grab another piece, holding it up to Jeongguk’s lips. He glances at it before opening his mouth and letting you feed him. His eyes are on yours the entire time as his lips brush your fingertips. Your heart leaps, making you pull your fingers back quickly. Jeongguk doesn’t seem to notice as he smiles, chewing the snack with the same happy expression you sported just moments ago.

“Let’s talk,” you suddenly blurt out, Jeongguk looking confused which causes you to explain further. “We haven’t like talked talked in a long time, so uh yeah, let’s talk?”

Your declaration has turned into a hesitant question as you wait, needing some kind of response.

“Sure,” he shrugs, smiling again. As he turns on his heel, you smile back and follow him into the living room. You plop down beside him on the couch, unintentionally letting your legs rest against his thigh as you pull them up under you. He glances at your bare legs for a second before diverting his eyes to you. “So what do you wanna talk about?”

You shrug, “I don’t know, life?”

Jeongguk chuckles, “life?”

You nod enthusiastically, smiling at him, “yes, life.”

He purses his lips, wondering if there’s anything to tell. You basically know most things already and not much has happened the past weeks except for the fact that his little ‘I’m in love with my best friend’ hasn’t resolved at all, and that he’s still hopelessly in love with you even though you have a boyfriend now. Which still seems surreal to him because it’s one of his friends whom he usually likes but not right now because well, yeah, he’s dating you. But there’s no way he’s actually going to tell you all of that.

“I don’t have anything to say,” he decides on saying, pouting playfully. You chuckle at his facial expression. He smiles at you, eyes going soft because you’re sitting so close to him for the first time in a long time and he feels relaxed. More relaxed than he has been for a while.

“Nothing much for me either,” you sigh, moving the pack of snacks closer to Jeongguk so he can eat some. “Tae asked me to come home with him for the fall break, he wants me to meet his parents.” You leave out the part where you broke up with Taehyung.

Jeongguk’s movements come to a halt, one banana crisp inches away from entering his mouth. “Really?”

You nod. Jeongguk notices how your tone was slightly hesitating and off as you told him about Taehyung’s request.

“Isn’t it a bit…” he trails off, not knowing which words to use without sounding like an asshole. You watch him as he searches for the words.

“A bit what, Gguk?” You press.

He sighs. “A bit over the top, maybe?”

You scoff lightly, “what’s that supposed to mean?”

Jeongguk panics as you move a bit away, your legs no longer touching his. You give him a look that tells him to explain what he means. He sits up, elbows resting on his knees. “Listen, I just think it’s a bit unnecessary since it’s obvious that this relationship isn’t as important to you than it is to Tae.”

“You don’t know that,” you tell him, voice stern. Jeongguk is right, but you’re not gonna tell him that. He hasn’t been talking much to you for the past months hence he has no idea what he’s talking about because you haven’t told him anything about your now ended relationship with Taehyung. Call you bitter, you don’t care. Your best friend hasn’t shown any interest in your life whatsoever for two months now and yes, you’re blaming him for the tension there is in this home.

Jeongguk lets out a small groan in frustration, “but I do, ___! I do know,” he insisted, turning to fully face you, “I can tell because you’re not looking at him the way he looks at you, you’re not fully there every time he’s kissing you goodbye by the door before he leaves. I’ve witnessed it enough to know that you don’t feel the same as he does.”

You’re silent as he talks, listening to everything he says but still holding onto the bitterness that you have for him in regards to his little to no interest in you for two whole months.

“Don’t you dare deny it, ____,” he snapped, “I know you and you don’t love him.”

Punch him. You want to punch him for knowing you so damn well and for seeing right through you. And you want to punch him for being so dumb and blind that he still hasn’t figured out why you’re not in love with Taehyung. How can he not see that he’s the one you love? You’ve been wearing your heart on your sleeve for the entire summer and more, slowly falling in love with him ever since that night he brought you to the frozen yoghurt shop downtown.

“You’re right. I don’t love him,” you mumble under your breath. Jeongguk glances at you, eyes still filled with a small amount of frustration and anger, all directed at you and only you. “But you have no right to tell me this when you haven’t been interested in me and my life for two fucking months, Jeongguk!”

Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow together in confusion, his heart slowly starting to beat faster because why are you fighting? What the hell just happened? “Wha-” 

You get up from your seat, moving further away from him and Jeongguk feels like you’re slipping right through his fingertips even though he hasn’t ever been the one to hold you. But he should have, he should’ve been the one to hold you from the start.

“You don’t get to do this, not now when we haven’t really spoken to each other for so long,” you jabbed, “it’s my fault too, but I don’t come at you for having several girls over, do I?”

Jeongguk sighs, running his hands over his face in aggravation. “___, you’re overreacting. I wasn’t trying to tell you anything, I was just-”

“No, Jeongguk. No,” you shake your head, sneering at him. “I don’t need you to tell me or suggest anything, I don’t need your input and I don’t need you to make a decision!”

Jeongguk gets up, moving towards you, face twisting in anger. “Tell me, ___. What is he to you, huh? What is he?”

You glare at him, eyes hard on like his own and you don’t falter one moment. This anger and frustration has been a long time coming now, from both of you. “You’ve said he’s your boyfriend, but what is he really? Is he a fuckbuddy? Is he just someone to get yourself off with, huh?”

“No, Jeongguk, fuck you!” You shout, defending whatever it is that you have with Taehyung. “He’s good company, and no, I don’t see him like he sees me. He’s nothing more than good company but I actually like being around him unlike someone else I know!”

Jeongguk chuckles flatly, no humor behind it as he steps back from you. Hurt flashes across his face as he gets what you just said. “I see how it is,” he nods, giving you one last hurt look before retreating to his room. You stand back, hand coming up to cover your mouth as a cry rakes through your body. You didn’t know you had been holding back tears, the emotions you have for Jeongguk being poured out in the form of heavy tears in the middle of your living room. You’re frozen in your spot, sobs shaking you as you hold yourself. The sound of Jeongguk slamming his hand against the wall makes you move out of your frozen spot. You quickly make your way to your own bedroom, slamming the door behind you. 

You slide under the covers, head feeling heavy as you let the tears fall. You didn’t intend to hurt Jeongguk the way you did, but you practically just shouted at him that you don’t like being around him, that his company isn’t good. It must’ve hurt him more than what you or he, himself, expected it to. You feel bad as you let your duvet engulf you whole, the taste of regret on your tongue as you keep repeating your own words in your head. 

“He’s nothing more than good company but I actually like being around him unlike someone else I know!”

How could you even say that when Jeongguk hasn’t been anything but great company for you? He has been even more than that, he has been a friend you needed more than you ever knew, a person so supportive and loving that you always felt like you had someone to come to whenever times were rough. And in the midst of all this, you managed to fall for him as well. He didn’t do much to make it happen, he was just himself from the very beginning of your friendship and you’ve seen sides to him not many people have witnessed and you know the real Jeon Jeongguk. The Jeongguk who loves his camera more than anything, the Jeongguk who loves food and snacks and banana milk as if he was five years old again. The Jeongguk who’s such a softie, when you first get to know him like you do, that half of it would be more than enough. The Jeongguk who loves with his entire being, always putting his loved ones before himself – including you.

You sigh deeply, hating yourself for shouting such inaccurate words at him. You had to make it up to him, apologize to him for being so inconsiderate when all he did was trying to make you realize that the relationship you have with Taehyung is a waste of time. Jeongguk is right, you know he is. You don’t love Taehyung and you know you never will. The feelings just aren’t there, they’re elsewhere with someone who’s been worthy of them since what feels like forever.

Sleep doesn't overcome you as you stay in bed, staring at the ceiling. You’ve been tossing and turning for the past few hours, trying your very hardest to fall asleep ever since the fight you had with Jeongguk.You glance at the clock on your nightstand that’s reading 3 am — you have a morning lecture to attend in 6 hours. You let out a heavy sigh. Eyebrows furrowed together in frustration and your lips in a pout because why the fuck are you not able to sleep? Your eyes feel heavy from crying, but your best friend is taking up all your thoughts and the feelings you have for him are almost bursting out of your chest.

You groan to yourself as you roll over, pulling the duvet over your head. Closing your eyes, you try again for the umpteenth time. “I just wanna sleep,” you whine to yourself, but it’s no help. You give up on sleep.

You’re only half aware of what’s happening as you get out of bed and leave your bedroom, heading for Jeongguk’s bedroom. You stop in your tracks in front of his door. Maybe he’s also up, you think to yourself as you reach for the doorknob, turning it lightly. Peeking inside his dark room, you notice him fast asleep in his bed. You softly smile through the evident feeling of regret which is still heavy in your stomach. Without further thinking, you slip inside his room and close the door. You tiptoe over to his bed, glancing over him once again.

He looks peaceful, eyes shut and eyelashes touching the top of his cheek. Yet there’s a crease on his forehead and a slight frown upon his lips. The corner of your lips turn into a frown, copying his features unintentionally. Your eyes rake over the rest of his body. The duvet is only halfway covering him, from the waist and down. his naked chest is rising and falling as he breathes deeply. A soft tingle runs through your stomach as you carefully crawl onto his bed. You lift the duvet and slip under, sliding closer to him. He stirs in his sleep, turning over onto his side. you glance up at his face, noticing his eyes slightly open. You can barely see him in the darkness, but you can feel him looking at you.

“Hey,” he whispers into the darkness.

You smile, a sad smile, but he can’t see it. “Hi.”

“Can’t sleep?” He asks, voice soft yet hoarse. He moves a bit, trying to lay comfortably while creating more space for you. He’s careful not to touch you. 

You shake your head at his question. “Not really,” you mumble.

You scoot closer, hand reaching out to touch his that is lying between the two of you. “I’m sorry,” you whisper softly into the night. Jeongguk turns his hand, letting you intertwine your fingers with his. 

“For what?” He mutters quietly.

You breathe out shakily as Jeongguk is now the one to move closer to you. You let out a sigh, relaxing as his forehead rests against yours, his breathing clashing with your own.

“For the things I said, for shouting at you, for insulting you,” you explain, voice still soft and low as if someone outside would be able to hear you. “I didn’t mean any of it, I just-”

You stop yourself, hesitating. Should you just tell him? Tell him why you don’t love Taehyung when you have plenty of reasons to do so? Jeongguk senses the inner battle you’re having with yourself, his hand squeezing yours to let you know that you can tell him whatever it is that you have on your mind, reassuring you that he’s listening. “I don’t love Taehyung,” you sigh, “I broke up with him tonight… And there’s a pretty good reason for this.”

Jeongguk nods, humming in response because he already knows, it just took him insanely long to realize. Your thundering heart and shaky breath gave you away the moment he moved closer to you. Jeongguk is daring as he leans even closer, breath hitting your lips. You gasp lightly at the feeling of his lips ghosting yours, the skin of them softer than anything. His hand lets go of yours only to snake around your waist, pulling you flush against him. Your hand touches his bare chest, the almost new and fresh tattoo he got two weeks ago feeling rough yet soft under your touch. He’s holding you so close that you’re unconsciously holding your breath.

“I was so scared,” you whisper against his lips, hand moving up from his chest to the back of his neck. Your fingertips brush against his hair, his long and slightly curled hair soft like you had always imagined it to be. “Scared you wouldn’t say it back.”

The tension in the room is almost unbearable but in a good way. This is months of feelings, tension and longing all coming together and clashing right here in this moment. You feel breathless, like you can’t breathe but at the same time, you’re perfectly fine.

“Say what back, ___?”

His hand runs along your hip and to your thigh, hooking around it and bringing it around him to hug his waist. His crotch is almost touching yours and your breath hitches at the feeling. Jeongguk smirks to himself, knowing exactly what kind of effect he has on you. He loves taking your breath away like this, but he can think of another way, something he’s been dying to do for a long time.

“Tell me,” he demands softly yet strongly, making you gasp again.

“I love you, Jeongguk,” You breathe out, feeling a weight coming off your chest, “I love you so much.”

Jeongguk’s heart skips a beat, a small smile appearing on his face as he cups your face, thumb running across your cheek. “You’re an idiot for thinking I wouldn’t love you back,” he whispers against your lips.

You whine at him for calling you an idiot and then you melt as he presses his lips against yours, soft and plump like pillows. Your hand tangles in his hair, fingers grabbing strands of curly, black hair as you let him kiss you until your breath is gone. It’s like you're sinking into him, fitting perfectly against his body. Goosebumps rise upon your skin as his hand wanders; over your bare legs to your waist and further across your chest and up to lightly wrap around the base of your throat. His tongue pokes at your lips, wanting to find yours. You part your lips, letting his tongue touch yours, the wetness and softness mixing well together as he pulls you even closer, a moan slipping out of you.

“Shit, ___,” he grunts against your lips as you press your core to his in eagerness, making him lose his mind, “please let me fuck you, let me love you so good, baby.”

You nod frantically, giving him full permission to do whatever he wants with you. A tiny squeal emits from your lips as he pushes you over, hovering over you and trapping you between his arms. He looks down at you, eyes soft and filled with want and lust. You smile up at him, hands running up and down the sides of his naked torso. You loved touching him like this, feeling his muscles tense under your touch and his soft skin that is filled with heavy tattoos, all of them having their own special meaning.

“I love you,” he whispers so softly you almost don’t hear it, eyes flickering between yours.

“I love you too,” you whisper back, cupping his face to pull him down to meet you for a kiss, a sloppy and wet kiss that makes your body tingle. You hum in satisfaction as he moves away from your lips, kissing his way down to your neck. He licks a stripe up your neck and to your ear, tongue flicking at your earlobe. He makes you shiver, his touch soft like a feather and yet rough enough to make you feel them more evidently than anything you’ve ever felt before.

As he works his way down with his lips, your hands are everywhere. On his shoulders, in his hair. You’re squirming under his touch, feeling impatient as he takes his time with you. It’s like he already knows every part of your body as he runs his hands down your sides and up under his T-shirt, that you’ve stolen at some point, pushing it up and revealing your breasts. He pulls the shirt all the way off, throwing it onto the floor without looking. His room is rather cold, making your nipples stiffen. He licks his lips, looking at your chest with hungry eyes. You gasp as he cups your breasts, thumbs running over each nipple. You bite your lip, holding yourself from moaning too loudly. You can’t hold it in as you watch him wrap his wetted lips around one of your hardened nubs, tongue lapping over it and flicking it.

“Holy sh- Jeongguk,” you moan, eyes closing as you arch your back in pure pleasure. He bites onto it causing you to twitch in his grasp. He smirks up at you as you glance down, watching him move to the other breast to give it the same amount of attention. He’s such a tease, you can barely comprehend it in your mind. 

A small tiny moan emits from your lips as he moves further down, lips kissing the skin on your stomach, trailing around your navel and to the edge of your pajamas shorts. He glances up at you for permission which you grant him with a small nod, teeth biting onto your lower lip. He hooks his fingers under the waistband, pulling shorts and panties down your legs. They’re on the floor within a matter of seconds, out of the world and out of the mind of the both of you as Jeongguk focuses his attention on the wetness that has formed between your legs. His dick twitches in his boxers, the sight of you bare and naked in front of him messing with his head.

You whimper as he spreads your legs, revealing your wetness to the cold air of the room, making you shiver once again. He inhales as he lowers his face between your legs, quiet growl leaving his lips. “You smell so good, baby,” he rasps, hands running from your ankles to your thighs and squeezing the soft flesh there, making goosebumps appear on your skin. “Can’t wait to taste you.”

The feeling of his lips against you makes you jolt, your breath quickening as you feel him kissing against your folds. Jeongguk brings a hand up, the other hand gripping your thigh tightly to keep your legs spread for him. You moan lightly as he runs a finger down between your wet lips, loving every second of watching and hearing you squirm beneath his touch. You’re not prepared for the feeling when he spreads your folds with his fingers before diving in, licking up and flicking your already sensitive clit with the tip of his tongue.

“Oh my god,” you moan out, your hand digging into his hair as he licks and eats you out like a starved man. Your breathing picks up as he quickens the pace of his tongue, feeling yourself nearing your high. “D-don’t stop, Gguk.”

Jeongguk hums in response to your words, letting a finger slip between your folds and inside you. You gasp, leaning up onto your elbows to watch him. Your mouth hangs open, a fucked out expression on your face as he glances up at you, lips still tightly connected to your core. “Oh,” you hum, biting your bottom lip tightly, “oh, fuck.”

His mouth leaves your wet lips as another finger sinks into you, pumping in and out at a fast pace. He’s desperate to bring you to your orgasm, lips kissing all over your thighs and lower stomach. “Let go, baby, cum for me.”

Your arms give up, your head hitting the pillows as your first orgasm of the night comes at you with full force – Jeongguk’s goal is to make you cum at least three times tonight but you don’t know that. “Fuuuuck Jeongguk,” you moan, voice high pitched as you close your eyes. Your toes are curling, fist grabbing the sheet tightly as his fingers fucks you through your orgasm. As you come down from your high, Jeongguk removes his fingers from you, your release covering them as he holds them up. You watch him bring his fingers to his lips, licking your cum off them. You whine, sitting up to reach for him, desperate for more.

He chuckles with a smirk, letting you pull him closer by hooking a finger around the silver necklace around his neck. Your lips finally land against his again, a sigh emitting from you as you let him lead you back onto your back again. You can taste yourself on his tongue as he positions himself between your legs, his cock twitching against your core. You can feel how hard he is through his boxers. Your tongue dances with his as you reach down, cupping him through the fabric of his underwear.

He grunts against your mouth, letting your lips go to rest his forehead against your collarbone. Your hand squeezes him causing him to whine lightly. “Baby, don’t do this to me,” he rasps, lips pressing tiny kisses against the skin on your throat. “Need to fuck you.”

You nod, running a hand through his hair and down his neck to his shoulder blade. Pushing at the waistband of his boxers, he gets the hint. He helps you push them down his legs, his cock springing free and slap against his abdomen. You let him do the rest himself. He kicks them off, leaving them to fall onto the floor, long forgotten. He reaches over to his bedside table, opening the drawer and pulling out a condom. You watch him rip it open with his teeth before reaching down to roll it onto his sensitive, throbbing dick. You kiss him once he returns back to hovering over you, tongue sloppily fighting against his. Pulling away, he trails kisses to just above your breasts and back up to your neck. His hands are everywhere on you, running over your nipples to your stomach and further down to brush against your still wet, pulsing core. “Still so wet for me, huh?” He hums against your neck, teeth lightly biting into your skin. “Only for me?”

You nod, breathing heavily, “only you, Gguk.”

You can feel his smirk against your neck, shivers running through you at the thought. He lines himself up, leaning up on his elbows to glance at your face. You lock eyes with him, your hand coming up to cup his cheek. He leans into your touch, eyes closing momentarily before he presses a kiss to your palm.

The moment his eyes open again, you gasp. They’re dark, filled with lust and desperation. You don’t get to say a thing before he pushes past your folds and inside, making you moan his name out loud in surprise and pleasure. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, oh my god,” you moan, grabbing onto his bicep tightly. He hisses at the mixed feeling of your nails digging into his skin and the sensation of finally getting to be balls deep in you after all these months. He bottoms out, head resting in the crook of your neck as he stays still for a moment. 

“Oh god, you’re big,” you breathe out into the darkness, taking a few minutes to adjust to his size before you tell him to move. He chuckles against your neck, pressing a small kiss there before leaning up to support himself on his hands, looking down to see where you’re connected as one. “Gguk, please move.”

You’re in another world as he pulls out and pushes back in, the force already unlike anything you’ve ever tried before. How is he better and bigger than what you’d expected? 

“Fuck,” he groans, “you’re so tight.”

Your moans become more high pitched for each thrust Jeongguk does, your stomach tightening in just the right way. He sets a steady rhythm, somehow managing to hit the perfect spot every single time. “I love you so much,” you gasp out as he grinds into you, bottoming out in you and filling you to the brim.

He moans at your words, a hand grabbing your leg and wrapping it tightly around his waist as he fucks you harder. “I love you too,” he breathes out against your lips before kissing you hard but sloppily.

Jeongguk man handles you halfway through, unwrapping your legs from his waist and bending them to press against your chest. This angle causes him to hit even deeper than before. “Jeongguk, please fuck me faster,” you whine, moaning. He bites into his bottom lip as he follows your command, setting a faster yet still hard pace. Your eyes roll to the back of your head as he hits you deeper for every single thrust, his balls slapping against your ass as he fucks hard into you.

You’re seeing stars as you close your eyes and moaning out loud in pleasure, loving you better than anyone ever good, cherishing your body in every way he can as he brings you to another orgasm. White flashes for your eyes as it hits you, hands digging into his hair and pulling him in for another kiss. “Oh my god, fuck,” you whine against his lips, feeling yourself tighten around him.

This brings him to the edge, low grunts and groans leaving his lips in between sloppy kisses. His last thrusts become even harder as he hits his high, he stills as he cums into the condom. He’s breathing hard along with you, forehead resting on your chest.

“Holy fucking shit,” he sighs deeply as he pulls out before plopping down to lay beside you. He pulls the condom off and throws it into the bin close to his bed. “That was-”

“Amazing,” you breathe out, turning onto your side to look at him. He turns his head, smiling at you. “You’re amazing,” you tell him.

He grins, leaning up to press his mouth to yours in another sloppy yet soft kiss. You peck his lips one, two, three times before resting your head on his chest. Jeongguk wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you close to his side. The duvet is pulled over the two of you as you’re slowly beginning to drift off to sleep. You don’t allow yourself to fall asleep before you’ve talked about this whole thing.

You rest your chin on his chest, locking eyes with him. His finger tips are running up and down your naked back, goosebumps rising once again.

“What now?” You question hesitantly, voice soft and careful.

Jeongguk shrugs, smiling softly at you. He brings a hand up to push strands of hair behind your ear. “It’s just you and me,” he softly says, running his thumb across your bottom lip. You kiss the pad of his thumb, making him smile even wider.

“Just you and me?” You repeat.

He nods, “you and me.”

You lean up, pressing a last kiss to his lips before resting your head against his chest once again, this time really falling asleep. Jeongguk lies awake for a bit, fingers still running up and down your spine. Your soft snores fill the quietness of his bedroom and it already feels like this is how it’s meant to be, finally.

The sun is forcing its way through the curtains in Jeongguk’s bedroom causing you to stir in your sleep. You stretch before rolling over onto your other side, coming to face a sleeping Jeongguk. You smile, feeling your chest fill with warmth and love as you watch him sleep with his mouth slightly parted and light snores leaving him as well.

You reach out, brushing his overgrown, curly hair out of his face. He stirs lightly, reaching up to wrap his hand around yours and intertwining your hands. He’s still sleepy as he opens his eyes, dark brown eyes meeting yours.

“Hey,” you whisper, shuffling closer so that you can press a soft peck to his lips.

He smiles, feeling his chest fill with warmth and the feeling of being content and happy in this exact moment. 

It doesn’t even take five minutes before Jeongguk’s is more awake and has you pinned down beneath him. He leans down, lips ghosting yours as he rests himself between your legs. He’s still naked just like you.

“Wanna go again?” He whispers against your lips, pressing a soft kiss to them.

You chuckle, “wasn’t last night enough for you?”

He shakes his head, lips moving further down to your neck and biting into your skin, in the same spot as last night. “It will never be enough,” he hums into your skin. You can feel his dick twitch against your thigh causing wetness to quickly appear in between your legs.

Without another word, you reach down and line him up against your folds. “No condom?” He looks at you, confused.

You shake your head. “I’m on the pill and I’m clean,” you tell him, “aren’t you?”

Jeongguk looks at you in awe, nodding his head. “Of course, I am.”

He leans down, kissing you softly, tongue poking out to ask for allowance. You kiss him back, letting him in, arms wrapping around his neck to keep him close. Jeongguk lines himself up again, hand wrapped around the base of his cock. You feel him poking at your folds, stomach tingling in excitement because there’s simply no cock better than Jeongguk’s.

“I love you,” he softly whispers.

You smile, “I love you too.”

Just as he’s about to push himself fully inside, the sound of the front door slamming shut stills him. Jimin’s voice sounds throughout the apartment: “Guys, get up! I’m inviting both of you out to eat breakfast, so you better be ready in five minutes!”

Jeongguk drops his head to your shoulder, a groan leaving his lips. “I can’t believe I get cockblocked again,” he grumbles against your skin, making you laugh out loudly.

taglist; @ggukkieland​ @koonanamilk​ @cloudreads-blog @bringitseijoh​ @lenisqueen​ @crazyboutjooni​ @sugaminh​ @cheerfulmultiez​ @jaykayseagull​ @shubhiixxx @luv-yourselff​ @97z-gcf​ @n4omiii​ @bangtaened-army​ @romeisourstoruin​ @imluckybitches

[alreadyblondenow]

Each other’s replacements

▸ Na Jaemin x female!reader ▸ Inspired by the anime Scum’s Wish ▸ High school au, SMUUUUT, fluff and angst

Summary: Two broken hearts met unexpectedly and agreed to use each other so you can both move on from your exes. Your hearts belong to each other already, you’re just waiting for love to take place and make everything right. But will you both still choose each other in the future? Word count: 6,988k

Warnings: Using each other to forget your exes, ex Lee Jeno, kind of fuck buddies but no? Fingering, mentions of fingering, handjob, blowjob, and watching each other masturbate, mentions of taking nude photos after sex, Jaemin taking a picture of your naked body after sex (with consent ofc), uproctected sex, mentions of rough sex, making out, swearing, mentions of breakup, actual breakup

A/N: I hope you enjoy this Jaemin fic. I tried writing it as realistic as possible because I think Scum’s Wish is a very mature and realistic anime, I mean shit like that happens in real life. And I think Mugi is so fucking handsome. The ending of the series sux btw HAHAA bc I wanted them to end up together so heres my version of it. 

It all happened so fast but the heartbreak stayed and the process of healing is very slow.

Three months have passed already when your ex-boyfriend Jeno broke up with you on a nice afternoon after school. The reason? Well, let’s just say he fell out of love. And that’s what made it worst because you remember that all you ever did was love him and please him.

Every day, you go to school, attend class, study hard but you always looked so gloomy. And whenever Jeno cross paths with you in the hallways, he knew he hurt you badly and that you’re not your normal self anymore. The cheerful and excited girl he fell in love with was gone and it’s all because of him. He can only wish that someone will bring you back and make you happy again.

“I’ll help you with that,” a cold manly voice interrupted you and your thoughts while you were having a hard time throwing the trash. He’s not part of your class, he’s one of Jeno’s classmates but you two were never introduced to each other.

You watch him throw the heavy trash for you and hoping that he will hand the bin afterward but he didn’t. “Lead the way, it’s dirty I’ll hold it for you” he insists, so you do as you’re told, showed him the way so you can finish this day as soon as possible.

Jaemin knew everything. It’s a small school and students usually gossip too much whenever a couple breaks up, especially after being together for so long. He knew who broke your heart, he also knew that you used to smile and be cheerful all the time because he has seen you in places and he knew you're capable of automatically lighting up the place whenever you’re around. But now… all he can see is a broken-hearted girl.

“Here,” you hand him a tissue and your hand sanitizer as a thank you for not letting your hands get dirty. He accepted it and gave you a small smile, obviously, he’s not shy and he was looking directly at you while his hands move. To be honest, you have no reason to be shy with each other, and honestly, you just don’t care anymore you just want to end this day. But Jaemin being the bold man that he is, bravely loosen up the ribbon of your school uniform and undid a few buttons from your school blouse. It was a common thing for students to do that after school as a sign that they're ready to head home and end their day. Jeno used to do it for you, and you didn’t expect Jaemin would do it. Despite the fact that you only met properly today.

You don’t know what happened but your heart was racing the moment he’s done adjust it and you just stare at his crooked tie and figured you may as well loosen it up for him too and return the favor. A bold move that Jaemin did not expect from a girl because he’s used to being with girls who become shy and all flustered after he makes a move.

But you, you’re different.

And that’s when Jaemin realized that you are a perfect match for him.

Word is Na Jaemin is pretty popular with girls. Besides Lee Jeno your ex, Na Jaemin is the second most handsome guy in school. Not only that he’s handsome, but you also know that he is passionate when it comes to photography, he’s naturally smart, not that nice, quiet but cocky, cold but can give anyone the right amount of attention if he wants to. But in your case, you have his full attention.

That afternoon, for the first time in three months, you did not go home alone, someone walked with you and watched you go inside your house.

The same cold but needed interaction with Jaemin happened over and over again until people started to gossip and think that you’re together. But it was nothing like that and you stopped caring about rumors a long time ago. Jaemin is nothing like Jeno, but he’s a gentleman, he’s straightforward but most of the time quiet. And most of the time you share silence not stories and you both love it that way.

You were different people but before you knew it, you were spending more time with each other.

On Valentine's day, you don’t know what came to his mind and brought you a bouquet of roses and gave it to you secretly. You were genuinely happy of course, but you just couldn’t smile that big and show him more. Seeing him from afar with a dozen roses and a smirk, with his black sling bag he uses for school that makes him so attractive… is enough to call your Valentine's day a memorable day.

“You’re special too,” he said and hands you the bouquet. “Ready to go home? Sorry I couldn’t help you with trash today, I picked these up right after school and rushed back-“

“Thank you” you cut him off with a friendly kiss on the cheek that made him blush and shy for the first time.

With a bouquet of roses on your left arm and the trash bin on your right hand, you came back to your classroom to get your stuff and put the bin back. You cleaned your hands and admire the roses as the afternoon sunlight hits them perfectly and finally come out again to meet Jaemin. Only to find him eavesdropping on the classroom near yours.

“What-“

“Shh” he cut you off with a ‘shh’ gesture and made you look at the half-closed door and made you listen to their conversation as well.

Jeno I like you too.

Were words that immediately ruined your day that Jaemin perfected. But this is not about you. Because when you turned your back and looked at the man beside you, you saw yourself. The pain that you’ve been feeling for months now, you saw it in Jaemin’s eyes too. Now you understand that you’re just two broken people who are still in pain. And you have no idea that he has been hurting too.

Of course, seeing Jeno with another girl hurt you badly, but seeing Jaemin get teary-eyed bothered you more. So you reached for his hand and whispered, ‘it’s okay’ even though it’s not, and walked away silently with him to continue your day together.

“Do you think they’re just doing this because people are gossiping about us?” you asked while you watch him stare at his coffee blankly. You’ve never seen him like this even though he’s always quiet and cold.

“N-no. I know my ex, uhm… she wouldn’t use anyone. Is Jeno-“

“No. I know him too. And I know that he’s happy when he found out about us,”

“So it’s true then. Their feelings for each other” he said and went back to staring at his coffee blankly.

You pursed your lips and let out a deep sigh. Allowing yourself to be hurt again by hearing the truth that you have been completely replaced in Jeno’s heart. There was silence. Then you decided to admire the flowers that Jaemin gave to you and feel the soft petals on your fingertips. This day could have been a turning page for the both of you, but now you’re both very sure that you’re not yet ready to open your hearts for somebody else.

“Red roses mean love and romance,” you said as you continue to admire the roses that he gave which made him smile a little. “Do you like me?” and just like that, you gave him the question that you’ve been meaning to ask for the past few months.

“I do” he answered without hesitating, which gave you a shock actually. “Do you?” he returned the question.

“I don’t,” you said the truth because you can’t repay him with lies. No. You can’t do that to Jaemin, “but you’ve become special to me. And I don’t want to lose you too,” Honestly you thought being honest to him will make him feel even more horrible but it didn’t. In fact, it brought the unique handsome smile you love seeing on his face.  

“Though, it’s not right that we are using each other to forget our exes-“ you added but he cut you off immediately.

“But I need you, and honestly I’ve been very happy these past few weeks because of you” he confessed. And you wish that you could tell him the same thing but you can’t because it’s still Jeno. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not begging you to stay. You’re an adult and I have nothing against your decisions. But I really hope we could go back to normal and be closer now that we know what each other really feels. I will date you properly when the right time comes… Just not now that we're both still confused and not sure”  

Everything did not make sense of course, and the right thing to do is refuse. But the past few weeks were actually good. Not great but still Jaemin was a huge change. So you nod your head and agreed that you should continue what you’re doing but promised each other that if either one of you feels pressured already, then you should stop.

As you continue seeing Jaemin and trying to move on from Jeno, you became comfortable with each other as days go by to the point that neither one of you cares if someone mentions that you look great together even though your relationship is not true.

It was a never-ending try to give each other the chance and love that you deserve. But at the same time, it was a never-ending process of healing from your exes, a never-ending heartbreak whenever you two hear something good about their relationship. And to be honest you’re both happy that you’re not facing this heartbreak alone.

You’re thankful for each other because you have each other’s backs. But in a different way.

Jaemin is thankful for you because he can hold your hand, hug you tightly from behind then whisper sweet words, and kiss your neck, whenever he wants to, and whenever he misses skinship with his ex.

You on the other hand, is thankful too because he does these various things to you and you can just close your eyes and he lets you imagine that he’s Jeno. Like now. You were just cuddling and watching the rain from his window when suddenly his hand roamed under your skirt while he was listening to you talk, and his cold fingers played on the hem of your panties. Teasing your pussy and moving his fingers up and down your wet cover slit.

“How does Jeno touch you? Is gentle? Rough?” He asks in the sexiest tone he ever used and started kissing your neck. You had a hard time answering his question because of what he’s doing, but your mind lurks on the memories you had with Jeno in his room.

You remember how Jeno fingered you in his bed, how two fingers always feel good and that’s how you like it, you remember that while his fingers are deep inside you, he is busy kissing your body. Planting soft kisses on your chest and on your boobs, kissing your nipples and making them sensitive and he puts them in his mouth and sucks it good until it's both swollen.

This is the first time Jaemin had touched you down there. And you swear, you don’t want him to stop and you just want to remove your panties and spread your legs for him.

“Jaem-“ you moaned out an airy tone. Calling his name with your eyes closed and parted lips. Feeling his fingers go up and down your wet slit still.

“Do you mean Jeno?” Jaemin asks. But truth be told he doesn’t mind you moaning his name instead on your first time going too far. And finally, he removed your panties and made you spread your legs for him which you gladly did. Putting two fingers slowly while he’s watching you make the sexiest faces that just simply makes him hard.

Jaemin never rushed, he took his sweet time with your body. Pushing you on the edge over and over again but you don’t know why you haven’t cum yet. His tongue and fingers together were somewhat calming and just made you breathe in and out deeply, which is relaxing while you spread your legs even more.

And when you finally came, it was a nice warm feeling all over your body. Like you just got out of the shower, wet and relaxed. Though you feel so tired, weak and sleepy... Jeno was never like this but your imagination was a big help that you moaned Jeno’s name a couple of times and that made Jaemin felt so accomplished.

“How about you? Don’t you want to cum?” you asked Jaemin while you watch him help you wear your panties again, kissing your thighs after.

“Maybe later,” he said, not admitting that he came earlier too, ruining his boxers briefs.

That day you did more than touching each other’s private parts but actually giving each other oral sex for the first time. His sheets were so ruined because he came so hard when you gave him a blowjob, a handjob and when he jerked himself in front of you while he watches you finger yourself. In return, he made you cum more than three times using his fingers and tongue. And you came home with a weak body and weak legs that you flopped straight in your bed and slept with a smile.

But there are times that it’s just the two of you. Just Jaemin and Y/n, no exes involved. Where you can be free being yourselves whenever you’re alone together. Like him snapping pictures of you out of nowhere while you’re busy kissing him, or whenever you just finished having sex and you’re both too lazy to get dressed again and he will suddenly capture amazing photos of you while you’re still naked in his bed, wearing nothing but the smile he gave you because of the sex.

“Hmm. Jaemin, these are beautiful. Can I have this one? I love seeing your works, it’s like I’m seeing myself through your eyes”

Little did you know that that simple compliment from you made him blush hard and his heart jump. It’s not every day he gets to be himself, but lately, he has been feeling so inspired with his craft and he had a good guess it’s because of you.

“You can keep this too, it’s one of my favorites,” he said and handed you a picture of you kissing him while he smiles so big and so handsome with both of your eyes closed. It’s a perfect moment, a moment that Jaemin captured in the middle of him being so happy that you’re showering him with kisses.

Jaemin is sweet and quiet as usual and he showers you with love and affection every day in his own way. He’s not the normal guy who will praise you and tell you that you’re beautiful, he will just simply look at you like you’re his favorite person in the world. Which you are now. He doesn’t talk too much because one, that’s his personality already and two, he simply loves listening to you even though you don’t talk too much yourself.

He is the complete opposite of Jeno, and that’s why he became special to you.

“Yesterday, me and my mom were at the mall and I saw them. Just from afar and they were about to enter the movies and… you know, seeing them together hurt” he says while kicking stones on your way to your house.

You can only imagine the pain he felt when he saw them spending time together, and now it’s your time to get hurt because Jeno used to bring you to the movies. Then it gave you an idea.

“Do you want to go to the movies tomorrow? My treat,” you said. Nervous and shy you slowly met eyes and stopped walking when you finally arrived in front of your house.

“Did you just realized that I haven’t taken you out on a date? Because I feel bad, I just realized it now” he rambles.

“No no,” you chuckled, “I simply wanted to go to the movies with you. So tomorrow?” you were slowly walking away from him with a small smile on your face. If Jaemin was being honest, he wanted to be with you just a little bit longer. But parting will make your meeting even sweeter the next day.

On the next day, you remember clearly that you said ‘my treat’ yesterday. But the whole day that you’re together he never let you pay for anything, not even a bottle of water. You feel at ease even though it’s your first date and it’s your first time seeing each other in casual clothes and not in your uniforms, or wearing nothing at all. He looked handsome in his get up, he knows how to dress and he sure does look like the warm person you know.

“Do you like anything else?” he whispered beside you while you two wait for the movie to start and watch people enter.

“No I’m just a little chilly. But I’m fine, keep your jacket,” you stopped him before he removes his jacket, you know he will. So instead of lending you his jacket, he kept you close and wrapped an arm around you.

“This is nice, right?” he whispered back and rested his head on yours.

During the movie, Jaemin did not try any funny business. Though you were waiting for it and of course you will give him your consent. If this was Jeno, by this time you’re whimpering and cumming on his fingers by now. But you’re with Jaemin right now, and Jaemin did nothing but hold your hand, keep you close and keep you warm. And the thing that he did that made your heart race the most, was when he tightens his embrace when the couple kissed in the movie, exchanged ‘i love yous’ and he pulled you closer to him. “We’ll get there,” he whispered, “Just remember that I’m the one here and not Jeno” and you nod because you agree to him.  

Not long after your first date, you and Jaemin shared a kiss under a lamppost just before you enter your house. It was not your first kiss of course. But it was the first time that you two felt that there we're no lust involved. It was a genuine kiss. A kiss that told you ‘I’m glad you chose to stay in this stupid relationship we have’ not to mention his soft lips were addicting and he was gentle the whole time. He wasn’t rushing you, he wasn’t hungry for you. But you can feel his long to finally move on and give his love wholly to you.

“Is it okay if I kiss you like that every day from now on?” he asked softly, forehead to forehead and just enjoying the cold breeze of the evening and the quietness of the street.

It’s Jaemin, not Jeno. You remind yourself over and over again.

“Yes” you nod and wrapped your arms around his neck, “Kiss me again” you requested. And so Jaemin did, even deeper but this time he took your breath away during the kiss.

The moment you closed the door and Jaemin watched you go inside your house safely, you burst into tears because you can’t help but see Jeno in your head and imagine that it’s Jeno kissing you not Jaemin. Even though it felt nothing like Jeno’s kisses, even though you smell Jaemin’s unique cologne, still it’s Jeno whom you see in your head and it’s Jeno whom you really wanted to kiss.

Days passed by and you try a little harder to show him affection, you try a little harder to be with Jaemin and not think about your ex, you try saying Jaemin’s name more often. Calling him with a smile, surprising him with back hugs, smiling with him more. Honestly, you just want to help yourself with forgetting Jeno completely because it’s exhausting already.

Today is the school’s fair and you’ve been with your friends the whole day laughing and discussing boys over snacks, sex and other stuff. And while you and your friends have been participating in a lot of games today, Jaemin can’t stop taking pictures of you from afar and watch your pretty smile. The smile he’s been seeing a lot lately and he hopes that it’s because of him.

‘Hey beautiful, I like your smile’

You received a text from him, you look around where he is and you found him behind you. Smiling so handsomely with his camera slung on his shoulder. Your friends teased you and Jaemin for being all flirty with your glances, you have never been shy around him but now there are butterflies in your stomach. Jaemin then shamelessly showed your friends how he treats you nicely, he can’t kiss you inside the school grounds so he winked at you instead and smiled.

It definitely made everyone around you jealous. Especially when Jaemin started taking your pictures, something no one was ever seen Jaemin do.

At the end of the day, you and Jaemin walk hand in hand and went to his house to cuddle and flirt more in his bed. Hands intertwined, legs tangled, bodies closer and just listening to each other talk about the most random things.

That’s right, you and Jaemin now talk. No more comfortable silence, no more quiet walks, you’ve come so far to reach this level of comfort. And when you’re both comfortable in each other’s arms like this, you both never shut up about the things you want to share with each other. Like the comfortable silence was gone with your awkward and shy phase too.

You asked him how he used to love his ex and he never shuts up about it, and it is as if he was describing how he’s treating you but when it comes to you everything was better. Like how he used to not care about Valentines for his ex but for you he went to different kinds of flower shop just so he can find the best quality of red roses. He used to hate walking with his ex because it’s making him sweat like crazy, but when it comes to you, seeing and watching you go inside your home safely was satisfying.

“Jaemin what are we? Are we friends with benefits now? Or just friends?” you dropped the question out of nowhere while you two lie in your bed, and you play with his long and perfect eyelashes.

“Hmm. No, fuck buddies avoid feelings while we... well, we try to develop our feelings. Let’s say we're two waiting hearts, were not yet in love with each other but… we belong to each other already. How’s that sound?”

“Waiting hearts. Hmm. I like it. Did you made that up?” you giggle and ran your fingertips on his very soft lips, which made him catch your hand and kiss it before he opens his beautiful eyes again.

“Yeah” he says, “But everything I said was true. Moving on is a bitch and I just can’t wait to love you right,”

And those words were just right. Perfect actually, that it made you kiss him sweetly and sincerely. And with your lips and the way you kiss, Jaemin felt that you made a promise to him. Like you’re not going to make him wait for nothing. And because of that he deepens the kiss and went on top of you, placing his body in between your legs, kissing your body nonstop and whispering sweet things to you.

“When we're finally and officially together, I won’t hurt you as Jeno did,” and you believe him because even though that you’re a wreck now, Jaemin stayed and put up with you.

He suddenly stopped kissing you, letting you breathe and bask at this moment, then he swallowed the lump in his throat and told you the truth. “I’m finally getting there…by the way, I mean, all I think about is us-you,” he was talking about his progress of moving on. “You don’t have to be pressured or anything at this point just, focus on yourself. Okay?” he said and kissed you again.

As your days with Jaemin continues, you don’t see Jeno anymore whenever you’re with Jaemin. No more imagining, it’s just you, the moment, and Jaemin. Though you’re not sure if you’ve already moved on this time or you’re just too overwhelmed because of Jaemin. Still, you know to yourself that you’re getting there and Jaemin is the reason why you’re even more closer to peace now. But you haven’t told him yet because you’re not ready. For you, you know that he will not leave and so it’s okay to take your time.

It started when you realized everything that he has done for you and the things that he’s ready to do for you. Loving again, or being given the opportunity to love someone again so deep is something so special and exciting especially when the man who holds your heart and the one waiting for you right now is Jaemin. The life you’re taking before Jaemin was like a black tunnel that you’ve been walking around in circles for some time now. And you sure as hell don’t want to take that path again.  

And just thinking about experiencing the things that Jaemin has to offer, you can only do that if you give up on Jeno. So with great effort, you slowly focus your mind only on Jaemin and replace every bit of Jeno in your life with Jaemin, and from now on you make sure that you have something in return for him.

“Jaemin-“ you moan his name. Something so new and so satisfying for Jaemin to hear it's his name you moan now, not Jeno’s.

“You know, you make me shy whenever you say my name” he catches his breath and came closer to you to plant kisses on your back and knead your boobs from behind, nipples hard and swollen because you’ve been in bed with him for almost two hours now. “What do you need?” he asks while making you feel good with his lips and hands.

“Maybe slow down? I’m not going anywhere,” you hear him giggle from behind because of your request, slapping your but playfully and squeezing it good. Then suddenly, out of nowhere he rolled his hips, and let out a sexy grunt. “Fuck Jaemin, I wasn’t ready-“ you croak and landed on the mattress, face first as you grip the sheets and take Jaemin’s cock followed by a wave of hard and fast thrusts.

He kept a firm grip on your waist as he gives you hard thrusts and he kept you down on the mattress, a hand on your waist and a hand on your nape. It kept your movements minimal that’s why you can’t do anything now that you’re on the edge and he’s torturing you using his dick. But the best part of Jaemin fucking you from behind is the way he fucks you rough... so rough sometimes that you get red marks after a good round. This only happens whenever he catches his breath, but sometimes his thrusts become slow and deeper and honestly you feel like he’s rearranging your insides. And of course you love it whenever he’s just so fast and the sound of skin slapping surrounds his room and the impact of his thrust just drags you on the mattress, almost at the edge of the bed and he would have to drag your body towards him and fuck you faster and harder.

But this time, your pussy is so sensitive and your body is giving up and shivering already that you try and push him away, moan his name for mercy, grip his sheets while you arch your back so beautifully to ease your sensitivity.

“You said you’re not going anywhere? Why are you running away from me? Huh?” it was a sexy tone and his thrusts started to go slow but deeper than before and he had spread your legs again from behind. His arm is around your neck and ends at your shoulder, bodies closer than ever as he puts his whole weight on you and you feel his hard rock abs hits your back. Then he started thrusting hard again but now you can’t move your body because he got you locked in his arms, and instead of gripping the sheets, you now grip Jaemin’s arm and hands as you don’t have a choice but to accept his hard thrust.

Thrust after thrust, you breathe heavily and let out groans and call out his name. Until your body can’t take it anymore and you’re shaking uncontrollably and you did everything you can to push him away and try curling yourself into a ball but Jaemin was quick to flip you on your back and reach in for a deep kiss.

Kissing you while you cum and enjoy your orgasm. Feeling his tongue swirl around your as your body shakes and his hands caress your thighs so you could calm down and melt on his kiss.

After you cum, you and Jaemin did not stop kissing. He stayed above you, in between your legs and proceed to make out. Slowly and passionately, hands roaming to appreciate each other’s body, hands together and your lips locks and you look at each other with deep admiration.

“I want to date for real now. I’m so afraid to lose you Y/n,” he said directly into your eyes and rested his forehead on yours. “I promise I can do more for you, just be mine completely” he reached for your hands and kissed your knuckles.

Finally, you thought. And to be honest you have so much to say but none came out from your mouth. You looked at his tired sex face, his hair is all over his face, sweaty and his lips are swollen because of your intense kisses. And because your heart is full of happiness right now, you just nod so fast and cup his face and attacked him with kisses.

A love for love.

The first few days with Jaemin were beautiful. You both have your hearts full of love admiration towards one another and you shower each other with love every day without having second thoughts. You have never been loved like this and you didn’t know that you can love someone as deeply.

In just a few days, lust and love were perfectly balanced in your relationship. Now that you’re officially together, you and Jaemin would rather talk non-stop while holding hands, laugh and laugh until you’re both in tears, rather than have sex and exhaust each other out. But of course, now that you’re together, you can finally have the right to stay the night at their house, meet his family, have quiet sex at night where Jaemin’s lips are on your lips, catching every sound and moan you make so his parents won’t suspect.

“I love you,” you said and kissed him before you close your eyes and drift away. In return, he tightens his embrace and kissed you one too many times.

“I love you too,”

Now that you and Jaemin are official, he wanted to do everything again with you. Meaning, he wanted to give you flowers again as your boyfriend this time and not just as someone who’s waiting for you. He wanted to take you out on a proper date as your boyfriend, on your favorite fast food and spend all night long being happy with you.

SUNDAY

At first, you didn’t want to agree with his plan because him giving you all his love every day was enough. But he insists, and that’s why you’re waiting for your handsome boyfriend at your favorite fast food with a glass of water in front of you. He’s 30 minutes late already and you wonder why.

“I’ll get the red ones please, my girlfriend loved those last Valentine's day,” Jaemin’s smile was so big as he watches the florist wrap the red roses he got for you. He’s late because he went to the same shop where he bought you the flowers that you loved last Valentine's day.

And just as Jaemin walks out of the flower shop with a bouquet of red roses in his arm and a smile on his face, he thought about how this night will definitely be a great night for the two of you. And most importantly, no exes to ruin your first date as a couple.

While you were waiting for Jaemin inside, you didn’t know that he’s outside with a dozen roses in his arm and just smiling because he is now looking at the girl whom he loves the most.

Then suddenly, his phone rang and accepted an unexpected phone call. The voice of the girl on the other line was familiar. Very familiar. And his fist balled up immediately when he heard her crying through the phone. Turns out, he still can’t say no to the girl he used to love so much and his excitement on seeing you was immediately replaced with anger.

“Who made you cry? Where are you?” Jaemin asked sternly to his ex.

“He left me Jaems- I’m sorry I don’t know who else to call, I’m at home can you please go here? I really need someone right now, I’ll lose my mind,”

And just like that, he chose his ex over you. He told himself, he will be quick and still meet you afterward. But you waited for an hour… until closing time. Leaving tons and tons of messages to Jaemin but he didn’t return any of them. Maybe something important came up? A family matter? You tried and tried to forgive him even though you’re pissed that he didn’t show up. You even reminded yourself that you didn’t want this date in the first place so why be upset? So it’s okay.  

When you’re finally near your house after a very disappointing date that could have been a beautiful one for you and Jaemin, a very familiar figure was waiting for you outside your house.

One glance at that perfect face, small crescent eyes, and beautiful smile, gave your mind an instant flashback. The guy who loved you first way before Jaemin came into your life, the man who loved you in your highs and lowest moment, the man you’ve been waiting to come back…. is finally back.

“How are you?” he started.

“Better. Jeno, what are you doing here?” you asked, straight to the point.

“I just came by to see you. I’m the one who ruined us but I still miss you from time to time you know? And now I know why,”

“And that is?”

“Regrets. Now that I’m single again, for sure my regrets will even weigh more,” he let out a heavy sigh and looked at his shoes before he gave you a question. A question that he already knows the answer. “If I ask you to come back, will you accept it?” he didn’t look you in the eye. He just stared at the sky and waited for your answer.

“No,” you said honestly and without regrets. “I waited for you to come back long enough. And I worked so hard to be healed again,”

“Then I should’ve asked you earlier then. I should’ve left her earlier,”

What he said sounded wrong for you. Because you know if he did those earlier you will end up hurting Jaemin instead. At least now, it’s clear like the sky above that you no longer love Jeno.

The night ended with a friendly hug. It’s the only comfort you can offer to him because you respect your boyfriend. And you well know that staying longer with Jeno tonight can spark your first fight with Jaemin.

But as you lie in your bed and think about everything that happened tonight, your mind takes you to unwanted scenarios where Jaemin chose to comfort his ex rather than meeting up with you. It’s not right to doubt Jaemin, so you close your eyes and looked forward to the next day.

And just as you thought, you’re going to wake up with a bunch of missed calls or texts from Jaemin, you have none. So there is something wrong.

Jaemin on the other hand is staring at a white ceiling and thinking about the things that he can’t take back right now. It’s too early for regrets but he doesn’t have a choice but to rethink his wrong decisions, over and over again. Starting when he answered the phone call from the naked girl beside him right now. The wrong decisions he made last night was the epitome of the phrase, ‘one thing led to another’

He answered the call and stood you up.

He went to his ex’s house.

He returned the kiss.

He agreed to fuck.

It was all his choice. Wrong choices that made him lose and lost you way before your relationship could have bloomed beautifully. And he can’t take that back because he can't show his face to you anymore for the sexual activity that happened last night between him and his ex, somehow brought them back together.

SUNDAY

It all happened so fast but the heartbreak stayed and the process of healing is very slow.

Seven days have passed already when Jaemin stood you up on a date to choose his ex over you. The reason? Well, you don’t know because you and Jaemin did not talk it out… the breakup sort of happened automatically when you saw him and his now girlfriend again, holding hands while entering the school grounds on a cold Monday morning. And that’s what made it worst because you remember that all you ever did was love him and be better to make way for the love you thought you both want.

Every day, you go to school, attend class, study hard but you always looked so gloomy. Again. And whenever Jaemin crosses paths with you in the hallways, he knew he hurt you badly and that he broke every promise he told you. He can only wish that he could turn back time and choose to not answer that fucking call.

Just like that, you’re back in that black tunnel and you didn’t expect that Jaemin will be the reason why you’re back on this dark path again. And this time, the heartbreak was ten times even worst than what you felt during your breakup with Jeno.  

A few more weeks after the breakup, you started being alone with yourself again and try to give your heart a break from all the drama.

But one fateful afternoon, when everyone had gone home already and you’re on trash duty again, as usual, Jaemin finally decided to swallow his pride and say the apology you deserve.

“I’m sorry, Y/n,” Jaemin said out of nowhere. He was looking straight into your eyes when he said it, and you can see that he’s sincere through his eyes.

“I hope you’re happy” and that's all you can say and try to walk away.

“I’m not- do you still love me?”

It was a question that broke both of your hearts because you both know that even though love is involved, it’s still not enough to keep you together.

But still, you answered him with all honesty. “Yes” short and simple.

“Then let's be together-“ he proposed with hopeful eyes.

“And what? Cheat?” you ask sternly, he nodded. “One of the reasons why I liked you back then is because you’re not complicated. You’re a simple ‘yes’ and ‘no’, but now you’re the one who complicates things. I’m sorry. It’s a no,” and that is an answer Jaemin did not expect from you because he thought you loved him that much that you’re still going to accept him. But maybe, the pain that he’s feeling right now, is the same pain that you felt when he chose his ex over you that night.

As days, months, and seasons change but of course the heartbreak never left, you focus more on being with yourself until finally you survived this school year and today is your last day in school. But before everything ended, a lot has happened before it finally ended, like Jeno suddenly transferring schools, Jaemin is single again, and you were awarded for ranking #3 out of hundreds of other students studying their asses off.

That same afternoon, while you’re fixing your stuff and ready yourself to go home under the pouring rain, Jaemin found you alone in your classroom again. And it felt like you’re meeting again for the first time. You don’t know why you accepted his help, you don’t know why you let him walk you home under his small umbrella that made you walk closely together.

He was quiet. You were quiet. But it was not the comfortable silence you used to have, it was very awkward. But you both endured it because if you’re both going to be honest with your feelings, you both wanted this.

“Are we going to do this again?” you ask before you enter your house.  

“Yes. The right way,”

And you know you both found your way back to each other because it’s the right thing to do.

[queenshelby]

My Friend’s Father (Part Five)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Age Gap, Mild Sexual References

Words: 1,848

Notes:

I have decided to make this into a series.

Alright, no judgment. This was a dream of mine and I felt like I had to write it down. Everyone in this Fic is over the age of 18 and this Fic is in no way based on Cillian’s real family life. It’s pure filth.

 *************************

YOUR POV

Two weeks had passed since you visited your friend Denise in Dublin and it was time for the annual Galway Arts Festival.

Denise had been working on a photography project for the past year and had been nominated for a student award in Galway as part of which ten of her photographs were being displayed during the Arts Festival.

Whilst, as you had expected, Cillian didn’t contact you, you knew that he would be there to support his daughter. Being an artist himself, he was very proud of her and her work and he supported her projects not only mentally but also financially with the caveat that she would finish her degree at Trinity College.

Unlike him, he didn’t want her to drop out of university even though she hated it and you certainly understood his reasoning.

Contrary to Denise, you had no creative bone in your body. You enjoyed art and theatre, but weren’t an artist or performer yourself. Instead, you were an A Grade Law Student who had become rather bored in Galway and had recently applied for a scholarship to Oxford University.

Reading was your passion and you had always been known as a geek. In school, you were the girl that no one liked, nerdy, not interested in fashion or social media and wearing braces, which, luckily, had been removed three years ago.

You were shy and it was only for Denise that you came out of your shell. She was popular in school, mostly due to her name, but also because she was generally confident and, over the years, she helped you gain confidence especially after you had left high school.

But, today, you knew you would be questioning your gained confidence once again since, first of all, you would be seeing Cillian again and the truth was that you couldn’t stop thinking about him in an intimate way and, secondly, you were featured completely naked on some of Denise’s photographs.

Whilst the photographs were artistic and not sexual in any way and your most intimate part wasn’t visible on them, it bothered you knowing that people you disliked would see you so vulnerable and you couldn’t remember why you had agreed to being photographed like that.

The other woman who Denise chose to photograph was Amalie. She was 23 and had been Denise’s friend for a while as well but, unlike you, she began modelling professionally when she was just 16. You all went to the same private school together and, clearly, her lifestyle had been largely financed by her parents. She always wore expensive clothes and had no interest in pursuing a career other than modelling, which barely sustained her lifestyle considering the few small jobs she got.

***

Just as you served your last cup of coffee to an elderly lady sitting in the corner of the café you were working at, you saw Denise, Amalie and two other friends of Denise walk in.

‘Hey guys, take a seat. I will be right with you. I am just about to finish my shift’ you said as you hung up your apron.

‘Please tell me you will get changed before the Gallery opening tonight?’ Amalie asked somewhat weirdly and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you sat down at the table with her, Denise and the others before ordering some coffees for yourselves.

‘No, I thought I would go like this’ you said sarcastically, looking down at your coffee-stained clothes.

‘I bought a dress for tonight’ you then said, after Amalie didn’t seem to sense your sarcasm.

‘Right’ she then said as she flicked through Instagram and you simply looked at Denise who shrug her shoulders.

‘What are you looking for?’ you asked curiously as her eyes seemed to be glued to her phone.

‘She is looking to find more photos of my dad and Laura Jennings’ Denise said, rolling her eyes.

‘Laura Jennings, as in the actress?’ you asked, causing Amalie to nod.

‘Yes, apparently they have been dating’ Amalie then confirmed, causing you to swallow harshly. You knew that you shouldn’t care but you couldn’t help it. Knowing that Cillian was seeing someone made you feel ill.  

‘And you care about that why?’ you then asked Amalie after an uncomfortable shiver ran down your spine.

‘Apparently, just like you, Amalie thinks my dad is a DILF’ Denise huffed out before telling you how disgusting you all were.

‘Well, he is though…he is super hot’ Amalie then joked before carrying on. ‘And I don’t understand how you don’t know about Laura Jennings and whether this is true or not. You need to find out’ Amalie then said but Denise simply shook her head.

‘My father doesn’t share this sort of stuff with me and I certainly don’t want to know about his sex life, thank you very much. In so far as I am concerned, he doesn’t have sex, ever…yuck! Also, I would appreciate if you could not talk about my dad anymore, please. It grosses me out’ Denise said and you knew that, all of this had become a common occurrence ever since the day the first episode of Peaky Blinders aired on BBC, a show which Denise refuses to watch herself because of the heavy sexual content and a show which you, only a week ago, had begun to binge watch.

Cillian’s POV

When Cillian walked into the basement after you had left, he immediately saw the small folded up note you had left him but, reading it, made him somewhat uncomfortable.

He was torn about what to do with it and certainly knew that he should ignore it. He couldn’t see you again even if he wanted to.

The fact that you were 23 years younger than him and that you were his daughter’s best friend made it all wrong and highly inappropriate and he didn’t know what had gotten into him in the first place when he gave into you.

He had never felt attracted towards you in any sort of way until that last visit which was the first time had seen you since you and your family had moved away.

You changed in many ways and he wasn’t sure what it was that he liked about you. But what he knew was that it was more than just sexual attraction, which was usually something he knew how to supress.

With that in mind, he placed your note into his wallet and decided to ignore it for now. But he couldn’t quite bring himself to throw it out.

***

With his bags packed it was time for him to return to Manchester and resume filming of the final season of Peaky Blinders.

The first week of filming went well and Cillian decided to spend the weekend with his friend, fellow actress Laura Jennings. Cillian and her had developed a friend with benefits sort of relationship. No strings attached and no feelings involved. After his divorce from Denise’s mother, he wasn’t ready for anything else and Laura would certainly not have been the type of woman he would have wanted a relationship with in the first place.

Unlike him, she wasn’t press shy and, whilst they kept their arrangement a secret as best as they could, she was otherwise quite active on social media.

Cillian, on the other hand, only maintained a private Instagram account with the sole purpose of being able to check on his children. Whilst they were adults, he was still worried about them, especially Denise who had recently gotten herself in a lot of trouble after distancing herself from this Jeremy boy.

***

‘Another wine?’ Laura asked as Cillian was relaxing on top of the doonas, wearing nothing but his black Calvin Klein briefs, after they had spent the last hour doing exactly what friends with benefits would do after not having seen each other for over two weeks due to busy filming schedules.

‘Yes please…thanks’ he responded as he reached for his phone after a notification had popped up.

It was his daughter Denise who had posted on Instagram and, since she hadn’t posted for a while, he decided to check it out, hoping that she wasn’t with Jeremy again.

To his surprise, three new pictures of Denise and her friends showed up when he opened the APP and, one of them, there was you.

In the picture, you were wearing accompanied by a man in his late twenties, wearing a suit while you were wearing a dark blue dress and he couldn’t help but wonder who the man by your side was.

You looked simply stunning, with your hair long and open and your shoulders exposed. You were wearing only a little bit of make up and showed your beautiful smile.  

‘There you go Mr Murphy’ Laura then said as she returned to the bedroom with another glass of wine, pulling Cillian’s phone out of his hand and climbing on top of him.

‘Round Two?’ she then asked eagerly as she reached for another condom, but Cillian’s thoughts were elsewhere entirely.

‘Maybe tomorrow, I am tired. It has been a long week, sorry’ he explained, causing Laura to pout with disappointment.

But the second round never eventuated as Cillian left Laura’s house the following morning to drive back to Manchester to resume filming.

On his way back to Manchester, he called his daughter Denise to check on her and while he did, he enquired about your companion on the Instagram posts.

‘Why do you want to know?’ Denise asked somewhat confused but Cillian played it cool.

‘He looks familiar, that’s all. Didn’t he go to your school?’ he then asked, playing dumb.

‘Oh god no, he is 29. His name is Connor and he is an accountant. Y/N wouldn’t date anyone our age. You know she isn’t a normal 21-year-old’ Denise joked, referring to your nerdiness and intellect.

‘Apparently not’ Cillian chuckled before asking another question about the stranger on the picture. ‘So, they are dating?’ he asked.

‘I think they went on two or three dates or something. Why do you care?’ Denise asked.

‘No reason. I was just wondering’ Cillian confirmed before changing the topic.

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