in cue to cue for five gazillion hours (actors not in costume today) (we are just sitting around doing work) (they locked all the bathrooms in the entire wing of the school for some reason) (we have to go across to another wing and have some one open the door to this wing back up again bc it locks automatically) (i’m not doing my essay) (my feet hurt) (talked about being trans and apparently one of my crew thought i “just had a trans sticker on my laptop just because” and not because i was actually trans???) (i am wearing the best outfit i’ve ever worn in my life) (we have stuck an unused pad open on the bulletin board)
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when i said i would have deranged rant abt c!zam yesterday i thought i was going to have derangements abt s4 zam. and that wasnt entirely false i am also having derangements about s4 zam but im also having derangements about s3 (just rewatched the finale with some friends and remembered why zam's s3 finale was the video that made me go Oh. i CARE about lifesteal now huh)
anyway i'm thinking about s3 finale era zam showing up to meet with spoke ready for a fight. his inventory full of gapples and cobwebs and potions. eighteen hearts. and he uses them! he throws regen on spoke and he puts cobwebs beneath spoke so spoke can't kill himself by jumping off the mountain and he throws spoke two hearts and gapples and begs him to use them. i'm thinking about, after spoke comes back, zam spawntrapped. refusing to give up, hitting spoke over and over again with a stone axe that does nothing as spoke kills him over and over. i'm thinking about spoke, a bit earlier, saying: doesn't this sound familiar? and he's talking about zam's own suicide-by-execution after the fall of the princezam empire, and he's not wrong, but his words also echo into their future, into s4: vitalasy in the end base, putting subz in cobwebs, throwing him hearts and gapples, begging him not to kill himself; zam with a stone sword, hitting roshambo over and over. i'm thinking about spoke, even earlier than that: lifesteal works in cycles. because it does, doesn't it? it's all the same thing. they're not the same people but also they kind of are. thinking about zam yelling i ruined it! it's all my fault! if anyone should be banned, it should be me! because he's the same person as the one who banned himself earlier in s3, the same person who almost banned himself twice in s4. because even though spoke's his enemy spoke's also his friend and he doesn't want spoke to die. he brought stuff to kill spoke but he doesn't want to ban spoke, doesn't want spoke to kill himself. he's trying to save the server from getting banned (even his enemies) and spoke is trying to ban the server (even himself). in voiceover in his video zam says "i couldn't save spoke." he couldn't save spoke. he tried to save spoke. his enemy! his enemy who spawnkills him twice in the same video! zam couldn't save him. spoke asking why zam is still trying. but zam has to save things just like spoke has to destroy things. zam can't give up because he just-- can't, it's not his nature, across seasons and servers zam Does Not Give Up. even when it kills him. maybe especially when it kills him. i keep coming back to the cobwebs and the gapples and the regen pots. he brought them to kill spoke and he's trying to use them to save spoke's life. MAN. man! in conclusion. sorry for being stuck on a thing that happened in s3. as if it's my fault
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'are you okay?'
i see a man who's gone through hell become possessed by an eldritch monster and i take the side of the eldritch monster. not once, but twice i take the side of the eldritch monster. do you think i'm okay?
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Unrelated banners for a story I'm writing about my EO characters >:)
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RIGHT RYAN DESERVES TEH WORLD
That MAN deserves EVERYTHING he could EVER want. I would do ANYTHING for him to be HAPPY and CONTENT and live a SAFE and HAPPY life.
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maybe it's because of the worse image quality, or maybe it's cause Ciel is drawn to be much more ÙwÚ baby nowadays in comparison. but I swear, other than older, he used to look scarier
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I am an adult, I have responsibilities, I can log off at any time, it is beneath me to get involved in or vaguepost about petty fandom disagreements- sees a post ah.
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Mystery bugs in my home and I don't recognize them! I've seen a few around at this point and might make a more formal post about it tomorrow but, mystery bugs below the cut if anyone wants to take a shot at helping me ID them:
Not the best pics but it's got an abdomen with clear markings that make me think either roach or earwig, but photos of the nymphs of either don't seem to be matching up; granted I only looked for maybe 5 minutes and mightve missed something obvious but this guy's not ringing any bells for me
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sy i cant believe u fuciking killed me
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i hate when im seeing snail content and people are like "give it salt pour salt on it i wanna see it in salt" what if i shot your fuckin dog in the head
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shin should be like 5′1 and then sara like 5′11 just for the silly funny. let that teenage girl tower over him
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im so heartbroken. im going to miss him sooo much
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me ignoring how the king in yellow is definitely cruel and malicious with my whole chest: arthur holding john and yellow to uniquely human standards and punishing/being angry with them when they fail to meet those standards is kinda shitty and he should do more to consider where they come from or at least remember that they aren't human, actually, and haven't lived whole human lives in a human society.
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It infuriates me that we never see Will sympathize with Billy, or even trying to reach out to him during season 3, despite not knowing him.
Like, Will was in Billy's place just a few months earlier Completely out of control, scared and made to hurt innocent people, his own mom. Will is a kind person, he always aims for the wellbeing of anyone around him. You're going to tell me he wouldn't express anything in this situation, or do anything?
And we get absolutely nothing. Everyday I find more places where the dufflebags failed these characters. And how all meaningful connections that are right there, just on the surface, are just never explored.
Please, just let the gay Williams talk. I beg. It would be so powerful for them to have this bond. I hate the writing so much.
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WE DOWNLOADED DSAF! I'm honestly scared lol, only seen Fusionzgamer's playthrough
ayoooooooo my sourceeeee. Ant promised I'd get to play the game(s) if we got it, so that's. cool ~Dave
Edit: we finished the first game (read: I did Gnarly Ending then moved on even though there's many more endings to do). I'm just calling my counterpart Purple. I'm the only one of the two to be called Dave. ~Dave
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