#anyway at least barbie will be fun but everything else is annoying

[autumnrory]

had to go somewhere besides work every day last week (all minor but still annoying when you're me) and went somewhere one day of the weekend and have yet another pointless doctor's appointment on wednesday and i'm planning to see barbie sunday and based on the timing of when i finish my book i would have to go to the library on saturday UNLESS i wanna pick something else to read that i can get in an ebook it is simply too many tasks for me

[zappedbyzabka]

Femme Fatale Johnny ideas and thoughts please. Saw your tags, need more.

I want to preface this with saying: we don’t all have to the same opinions on a character.

Okay anon let me get into it😌

Johnny had four boys at his beck and call in high school, he learned at a young age that he needs to protect emotionally, not let anyone see the real him

Unredeemed Johnny my love <3 just great that he has the looks of a barbie but could kill you and has a bitchy attitude.Personally adore it. People coming up to him, thinking that he’d be sweet or tame purely based on his appearance, only to find out he’s a lot more sour than saccharine . You have to earn sweet unless he's pretending. Whether it was doing his homework, buying him things, all Johnny had to do was ask, look pouty and innocent, and light up their lives with a crumb of his attention, like they thought he'd fix all their problems.

He learned some ways to handle his roster from his mom; sometimes she would be forced to bring him on her dates due to the babysitter bailing, (speaking of babysitting, he has done that….) and he watched her swindle them out of money in lots of different ways, one of which was to play hard to get while making them think that there’s still a chance they'll spend the night with you. Another is to act like you're fully going to let them have it and then confuse them by not doing it.

It works well, and it's funny to watch them try to win him over. He’d even have women come up to him with on their faces as they told him they had thought he was just a really broad girl , but they could work with him. He liked that he was pretty enough to be mistaken for a girl—at least few times. At least when he was younger, leaner and smaller in his big jackets. Ali told him awhile back that it was one of the things that attracted her to him, and he’d let her do his makeup when they were alone. Sometimes he found himself wishing he really were a girl, one that could have been on the cheer team with Ali and kissed her under the bleachers. Maybe they would have worked.

He liked to keep himself pretty; kept his nails clean and tidy, made sure his hair was soft and styled, made sure he always smelled good, made sure his clothes were always unwrinkled and soft, after he had his abusive stepfather’s money at his disposal from the weekly allowance that he got as a bribe for him to behave (not that he needed it; Sid’s buddies slipped plenty of cash in his pocket with no prompting). He always looked lovely; he prided himself on it when he looked in the mirror, and it paid off. It was to get the cobras to follow, he wasn’t even the original leader—Bobby was—but he managed to convince everyone, including Bobby, that he was a better fit. He had them doing everything he wanted with smiles and subtle winks, sometimes even kissing their cheek. Even chewing on his nails, or biting his lip got their attention. They felt as if they saw a side of him no one else saw, like they were special—and they kind of were, because he actually did care about them, even if he played games. His feelings for Daniel were complicated; the little punk was annoying, acting like he’s somehow better than Johnny and having the balls to hit him, but it was fun to Johnny if he’s being honest. Not that LaRusso is different; Johnny’s aware that if he had tried to trap, acted well, and asked him if he wanted to "get to know each other" behind one of those big rocks on the beach—one of the ones that Johnny had quickies with the cobras behind.

As he grew older, he realized he didn’t even have to do all that special stuff; guys would chase after him anyway, even if he wore a potato sack and hadn’t shaved his face in a week.

He’d call up any of the cobras at any given time and ask for what he wants, whether that be money to get his car fixed, to pay rent, or to go shopping. He’s not afraid to ask for it, and if they say no or that they can’t do it—it doesn't bother him, he’ll just get someone else to help!

("Oh…that’s okay. I can just ask the other guys for help since you can’t. They always take care of me. Well, bye!"

"Johnny, wait! I’m on my way to the atm—")

He plays up the born yesterday act too, acts like he doesn’t know things he definitely knows to boost a guy’s ego, looks at them doe-eyed, tilts his head, and says, "I don’t know how to do this. Can you do it for me?"

Lets them "educate" him, take care of him (aka: spend a horrendous amount of cash and time on him), and feel masculine. He’d never admit to not knowing something he actually doesn’t know. He always liked the idea of a man's masculinity—at least the movie-like version of it all. Or maybe he’s a little more interested in masculine guys than he is about being masculine—he quite likes to declare his own "manliness" and see what guy will challenge him, force him down.

(Silver very much likes him, especially when he had the guts to look a much larger man who has him on his knees in the eye and tell him he looks like shit. He wouldn’t want to dampen that fire when it’s so fun.)

We see him take much joy in Kreese’ pain after chucking him, and he liked showing up with Daniel, rubbing the situation in his face, and making him wonder if there’s anything going on between them—there isn’t yet(and won't be unless Daniel stops pissing him off, even if he’s a good guy), but Johnny loved the almost panicked look in his eyes, and it’s nice to know he has Daniel doing things for him like all the others.

(Kreese is unhealthily obsessed with him, and Johnny was the only one to ever make that man grovel like a lovesick ex husband who realized what they took for granted. It’s literally just canon, and It’s amazing.)

His "fatale" side isn’t all he is, though. He definitely wants love and understanding, but he’s been told by himself and others his whole life that he was so bad that he just…fell into it a bit. He just likes to play games sometimes, that’s all.

He’s always been well aware of the effect he has on men, and he isn’t afraid to use that to his advantage.

I also think he could absolutely gather the tkk/ck rivals together and have them do his bidding, with rewards ranging from a smile or kiss to ass if he finds them good enough to fuck him. (Thank you to that one ask. )

And I mean, Billy is a real natural at the "oblivious seductress act"

The two main examples I’d use are Ruben and Scott.

Ruben being the type that will go insane in front of a man, then easily convince said man that whoever it was deserved it.

"It was all his fault, sir! He hurt me first. I wouldn’t have hit him if I didn’t have to…" all while fluttering his lashes and making himself look as innocent and approachable as possible

Him to his "buddy" Nick after getting caught beating up some dude.

And Scott is the one who is innocent. He likes bad men and danger, he likes watching people fight and causing them, but he himself can’t fight at all—let alone know how to actually hold a gun without looking ridiculously cute instead. He causes issues and never gets blamed for them unless it’s by his father.

He has this sweet sadness that lures men to him, whether that be to snatch him up or protect him from getting snatched up—he enjoys the ride either way and can always talk himself out of situations with authority.

Basically a “He who entangles men” Cassandra type. Johnny and Scott specifically.

(Perhaps not canonically but💁🏻‍♀️.)

[annabethy]

under the mistletoe, watching the fire glow day 13: princess

Character A’s little sibling/child wants to meet their favorite celebrity/writer/person for Christmas. Character B is said “Christmas Present” ,, percabeth. for that one anon

Percy can honestly say that he didn’t think this would end up happening.

When he had sent her a message, it had been done absentmindedly, fully expecting it to be ignored. He’s well aware that celebrities don’t respond to people like him, but it was Christmas, Estelle was on his last nerve, and he figured that he could at least try.

Somehow, all of that ends with him meeting up with a super hot Hollywood actress.

As Percy holds Estelle’s hand, who can’t stop bouncing excitedly, he thinks back to that moment. Estelle’s dramatic cry of meeting the princess in the live action remake of Barbie and the Twelve Dancing Princesses had gotten to the point that he decided he was done and took things into his own hands.

It went something like him sending her, hey so my little sister is being annoying about the barbie movie and won’t shut up so can you come meet her so I can get a moment of peace?

When she responded, yeah sure when and where, he thinks he may have had a heart attack. It was surreal, setting up a mini meet and greet through instagram dms of all things, but it worked well enough because here he was, looking out for Annabeth.

“Where’s the princess!” Estelle demands, and Percy wants to bang his head into a wall. She’s practically screaming, and she’s pulling on his arm so arm that it may fall off.

“I don’t know,” he tells her.

“Find her.”

“Estelle. I don’t know where she is. Relax.”

“I want to see her now!” Estelle is only five years old so it’s understandable that she’s so annoying. Percy loves his baby sister dearly, but sometimes he questions why is mother had a baby so many years after him.

“The movie isn’t even that good. She wasn’t even a convincing princess.”

Estelle stomps. “Yes she is!”

Percy snorts. “Yeah, okay.”

It’s then that he feels hot breath on his ear, and he freezes, well aware that he’s just made a very dire mistake.

“Not a convincing princess?” someone whispers into his ear, a hint of humor in their voice. “You offend me.”

Percy whips around, and of course, there she is in all her glory.

He finds Annabeth Chase staring at him with eyes that look much more vibrant in person. She looks small and shy, and Percy thinks she would be the perfect person to hug in the cold.

He thinks she sure looks like a princess with the way her hair falls in old ringlets down her back, and her eyes shimmer in the sunlight. She’s not even dressed as a princess right now, but he could have been fooled.

“I didn’t mean—”

“Sure you didn’t.” Annabeth tightens her coat around herself, clearly cold, and she leans down to say hello to his sister. “You must be Estelle!”

Estelle gives her a wide grin, and Percy doesn’t think he’s ever seen her so happy before. “I am!”

“You look like a princess,” Annabeth tells her, bopping her on the nose gently. “You could be one of my sisters!”

Estelle’s eyes go wide. “You think so?”

“Of course I do, silly,” and wow, even her voice is elegant. Percy’s starting to think that maybe she really is a princess. He considers bowing to her.

“My brother says he’s your friend and that’s how he got you here,” she says, crossing her arms. Percy shoots his sister a look as she continues saying, “Is that true? My brother is a loser so I think he’s lying.”

“You don’t think your brother is cool?”

“Not to be friends with you,” Estelle says proudly.

“But I think he’s super cool! You’re super lucky to have him as a brother.”

Percy can see the change in Estelle’s demeanor having just got told that her brother is cool. Percy knows full and well that she’s about to suck up to him because her idol told her to, and that’s what children do. It makes him want to stick his tongue out at her as though saying told you so, and he would have if Annabeth wasn’t standing right there to see it.

“I’m kidding,” Estelle swears. “I play with him all the time,” which is a blatant lie.

When Estelle is no longer looking, Annabeth gives him a wink and mouths you’re welcome. Percy feels his face turn red because despite not loving the Barbie movie, he’s still all over everything else she’s been in, which is a lot. She’s practically royalty, and she’s talking to him. He’s breathing the same air as her.

At some point, they migrate over to a set of chairs outside the park they’re in. It’s pretty cold with the snow falling around them, but Estelle is vibrating with excitement to the point that he wouldn’t be surprised if she generated her own heat. Percy sits to the side, letting his sister have her moment. As entranced as he feels by the celebrity sitting in front of him, he knows that he probably shouldn’t show it, risking further teasing from both parties.

Annabeth’s super kind, he learns quickly. She laughs with her whole being and brightens up the room with her smile. She tells amazing stories about the fantasy, and Estelle listens intently. She’s so young that she doesn’t entirely realize that she’s not a real princess, and it warms Percy’s heart.

(And from the look Annabeth gives him, it warms hers too.)

It feels like hours that they’re sitting there before Percy decides they’ve had enough. As pleasant as Annabeth’s been for his sanity, he knows she’s probably getting tired herself.

“I think it’s time to say goodbye, Stella.”

And, of course, this cues the meltdown.

“No.”

Percy sighs. “We need to go home soon.”

“I don’t want to.”

Percy’s temper is beginning to shorten again, and he can tense the temper tantrum that’s about to occur. It’s just a question of which sibling is going to start it at this point.

“We can’t leave Princess Genevieve here without a way to get home!”

Percy almost laughs in his little sister’s face because Annabeth is not a Genevieve by any means. Genevieve is a ridiculous name for a princess anyways. Annabeth is much nicer for a princess. “I’m sure Princess Genevieve has her own ride home.”

“This is why you don’t have a girlfriend!” Estelle loudly blurts. “You never offer girls rides home!”

Annabeth chokes on air, and Percy considers jumping into the Hudson river and swimming away.

“I don’t want a girlfriend anyways, so good,” he says, tugging her hand into his.

“If you were a nice person, then maybe Princess Genevieve would’ve been your girlfriend.”

“They don’t date peasants like us. Come on.”

“Can we please take her home?” Estelle asks.

Percy sighs, dropping her hand. “Ask her yourself.”

He genuinely expects Annabeth to say no, so when his sister walks right on up to Annabeth and stares up at her, he is blatantly shocked as she says, “I would love to.”

It becomes very obvious that Percy ends up losing the fight against a five-year-old as he’s driving the car with Annabeth in the passenger seat and Estelle in her car seat in the back. Estelle’s continuously asking questions, and Percy is somewhat mortified because as time went on, Estelle gets more and more daring with what she asks.

Everything is mainly along the lines of having a boyfriend and pointed coughs in Percy’s direction. Each time, Annabeth would give him a knowing smile and he’d do everything to look anywhere but at her.

Percy can’t be thankful enough when they make it to his mom’s apartment, and he gets to kick Estelle out of the car. She gives a heartfelt goodbye to Annabeth and a glare at Percy before she’s out the door. It leaves him and Annabeth alone in the car, a silence settling between them.

They’ve been together for at least a couple of hours, but they haven’t truly interacted until now, so he’s at a loss as to what to do. It’s as though he’s blacked out during the last few hours, and maybe even the last few weeks, because last he remembers, he was just sitting on the couch doing nothing, and now Annabeth Chase is sitting in his car, looking at him expectantly.

Finally, she says, “Are you going to look at me, or…”

Percy turns his head like a deer in headlights. “I’m sorry.”

“You look like you’re about to pass out.”

“I might. This is kind of weird.”

“What is?”

“Having you in my car.”

“Why?”

“You’re a celebrity.”

She smirks at him. “Do I intimidate you?”

“Uh, yes.”

“Well, don’t be intimidated.”

“I’m sorry, but you’re very famous. I will be intimidated, and you will let me be.”

“I mean, I get that, but there’s really no reason to be intimidated. The other day, I walked past a mirror and actually got excited to meet a celebrity.”

“What? You just forgot your own identity?”

She smiles. “Something like that.”

Percy laughs, slightly more at ease. He’s at least able to look her in the eyes now. She looks back at him and leans against the seat with her shoulder.

“Percy,” she teases. “You can talk to me.”

“Believe me, I’m trying.”

Annabeth rolls her eyes fondly. “Do you know why I’m here?”

“For my sister.”

“It wasn’t really for her.”

Percy frowns, confused. “But you said…”

“I know what I said. The reason I even opened the message wasn’t because of her, though.”

Percy bites his lower lip nervously because the mood in the car has suddenly changed, and he’s certain he doesn’t have tinted windows.

“I opened it because I thought you were hot.”

Percy blinks, a beat passes, and then he bursts out laughing. “You thought I was hot!?”

“You are! I thought maybe it would be fun!”

“You live in LA with a ton of super rich and famous people, and you come after me? The guy that can barely afford his own apartment?” “I mean… it doesn’t really matter if you can’t afford it because I can. But that’s only if, like, this actually goes anywhere.”

“Are you always this forward?”

“Absolutely not, but you couldn’t even look me in the eyes, and I have to leave soon.”

“So you’re saying you want to, what? Marry me?”

“Exactly,” she deadpans.

“Woah, baby, I hardly know you! How could I marry you!”

“Hilarious.”

“It was, wasn’t it?”

“My point is,” she says pointedly, “I like you and would want to see you again. Without a child there.”

Percy’s brain is going bonkers right now because Annabeth Chase just asked him out. It’s even crazier because he’s thinking of saying yes. He tries to withstand, because he knows that he’ll never fit in with everything she’s surrounded by, but something tells him that she won’t mind, so he gives in.

“Fine,” he says playfully. “I guess I’ll take you on a date.”

“Oh shut up. I’ve been around Estelle all day telling me about how much her brother wants me to date him.”

“I didn’t say that, but to be fair, she’s not wrong.”

Annabeth shoots him a surprised look. “You’re not as shy as I thought.”

“Neither are you,” he counters, and it’s true. Annabeth has been making the first moves, and it’s different than what he usually sees. The thing is, he can tell this is exactly the way Annabeth is, and he’s determined to switch things up for her.

“Hey princess,” he says. “I feel like there should be a true love’s kiss before people go on a date, don’t you think?”

“Is that what this is? True love?”

“Isn’t it? You live in a fairytale.”

“I guess we’ll just have to find out, then.”

Percy pouts and whispers, “Bummer,” and then he’s pulling her in for a sweet kiss. It’s not at all him, and he’s sure this is no longer at all her either, but it feels right to both of them. Then, Annabeth bites his bottom lip, lets out a breathtaking whimper, and Percy deepens the kiss.

“These windows aren’t tinted,” Percy jokingly breathes out against her when she unbuckles her seatbelt.

“That’s okay,” she replies, smiling into the kiss. “I’m not one to be shy.”

[malewifegrantaire]

The Birthday Thing

READ PART ONE HERE

PART TWO: Guess who’s coming to dinner hang out for no apparent reason (as far as Grantaire can tell)?

Combeferre had inadvertently ruined the rest of Grantaire’s week. It wasn’t his fault, of course. He couldn’t be blamed for Grantaire’s Incredibly Bad Brain. But still, “I just know Enjolras and I know he likes you” is a very reckless phrase to pepper into a conversation with someone of Grantaire’s constitution. He could hardly fall asleep that night because the words I know he likes you were clanging too loudly against the bars of the jail cell he called a mind. He didn’t mind too much though. The clanging was because Enjolras liked him, which made all of the noise sound a bit like music.

Grantaire picked out an outfit for the party and laid it out like he was a little kid excited for a school trip. Embarrassed with himself, he threw the entire outfit into his clothing hamper so he wouldn’t have to look at it lying out on his dresser anymore. Which was obviously a mistake, because now the clothes were are wrinkled and they were touching his actually dirty clothes. Which meant now he had to do a half load of laundry on a weekday, which he really didn’t like doing.

As he folded his laundry, Grantaire felt his phone buzz in his pocket. Huh. It was from Combeferre. Odd.

hey, are u free? sorry lol i am bored and wanted to know if u wanna hang out ??

Very odd. Maybe the wrong number? Just to be safe, Grantaire texted back:

grantaire is folding laundry right now, like a responsible adult.

Two texts back:

very interesting use of third person..

i can help if u want! i love 2 fold things

So this was Grantaire’s life. He used to be young and wild, and now he’s the sort of person that makes plans with people who text him sentences like “i love 2 fold things.” He typed his response.

uh, sure? might get boring, but i’ll never say no to an extra set of hands.

About fifteen minutes later, Combeferre was inside of Grantaire’s apartment. “You got here fast.” Grantaire said.

“I was in the neighborhood.”

“Aren’t you always?”

Combeferre took in Grantaire’s apartment, which gave Grantaire such a wave of self-consciousness that he thought he might be sick. It was a fine apartment, kept clean mostly because Grantaire hardly spent any time in it. The ceilings were far too low for Combeferre.

“This is a really nice place.” Combeferre said. “Have you lived here long?”

“Five years, I think.” Grantaire said. “I think the landlord thought I’d have left by now, but, well. I’m still here.”

“Yeah, I mean, it’s nice. Good windows. Not easy to come by.”

Grantaire laughed at that. “Hey, was there something you wanted to talk about? Or are you just here to admire my big beautiful windows?”

Combeferre looked slightly embarrassed. “Uh, the latter, I guess.” he said. “I mean, just what I texted, I was bored, and I guess . . . I don’t know. I guess I thought we could just hang out?”

Now it was Grantaire’s turn to be embarrassed. Of course. Combeferre is the sort of person who’s actually, you know, decent. He was just trying to be nice and Grantaire was accusing him of having an ulterior motive. Way to go. Grantaire cleared his throat. “Well, thanks for coming. Feel free to park wherever. I only did a half load of laundry so I’m finished folding, sorry. I know how much you love to fold.”

“I went through a very intense Marie Kondo phase.” Combeferre grinned. “Let me know if you ever need your closet to be reorganized.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Grantaire said. It was dawning on him that, being more of the roaming type than the nesting type, Grantaire almost never had people over his apartment, and therefore had very little hosting experience. So he did what he always did in situations like this - said what people say in movies and books and all that.

“Can I offer you a beverage of some kind? I’ve got . . . tap water. And orange juice. And maybe beer?”

“I’m alright, thanks.” Combeferre said kindly. Combeferre’s fridge was probably fully stocked with sparkling water in every flavor for guests to sip on, the bastard. He sat down in a little chair by the kitchenette. “What, what is it?” he asked, looking at Grantaire’s expression. “Why are you - what’s funny?”

“Everything is too small for you in here. It’s like shoving a Barbie doll into a Polly Pocket house.” Grantaire said with a laugh. Combeferre tucked his long legs a bit closer to himself.

“Well, Barbie is a good role model, so I’ll take that.”

“I think an averaged sized woman or two might disagree. Anyways, you’ve got impeccable timing.”

“What do you mean?” Combeferre inquired.

“I mean that someone must have wanted us to hang out today. God, the Fates, some non-denominational arbiter of Destiny.” Grantaire was doing that thing he always did where he ended sentences in a way that begged the listener to ask him to explain himself. Why he chose to speak in these irritating circles? We will likely never know. Grantaire sure as hell didn’t.

Combeferre rolled his eyes, but he seemed more amused than annoyed. “You’re impossible.”

“It’s been said before.” was Grantaire’s reply. “What I mean to say is I’m literally never home. Not literally-literally, but, you know. This apartment is basically a glorified storage unit that I visit when there is absolutely nothing else to do. So the fact that you happened to be passing by on a laundry day...”

“... a work of divine intervention?” Combeferre finished.

“I’d go so far as to call it a miracle if I believed in that sort of thing.” Grantaire said.

Combeferre’s next question caught Grantaire off-guard somewhat. “So you’re an atheist, then?”

Grantaire had never actually seen a shrink, but he had the passing sensation of being sprawled out on some brown leather fainting sofa. Maybe that’s what this was, a psych eval. He’d get a message from the official Les Amis de l’ABC e-mail account later in the week saying “sorry, R, you’ve been deemed mentally unfit to be a part of this organization. We know the Musain is public property, but if you could avoid the premises during our scheduled meeting times we all think that’d be for the best.”

“Well, yeah, aren’t all of the lefties heathens nowadays? At least that’s what Twitter tells me.” he said. His paranoia would not rob him of his (debatable) sense of humor.

Combeferre just shrugged. “I guess if I had to call myself something I’d say I’m agnostic.”

“Huh!” Grantaire said, genuinely surprised. “A member of the ‘namby-pamby, mushy pap, weak-tea, weedy, pallid fence-sitter’ brigade, are we?”

Two things occurred to Combeferre at once: One, that Grantaire was quoting Richard Dawkins, and two, that Grantaire could not have been certain that Combeferre would recognize the quote when he said it. Grantaire was both the sort of person that committed Dawkins to memory and the sort that didn’t really care if someone mistook his references for a string of improvised insults. The more Grantaire spoke, the more Combeferre became aware of how little speaking they’d ever done.

“I guess I just think one can never be sure.” Combeferre said.

Grantaire thought now would be a good time for a subject change. “So, how is party planning going?” he asked.

Combeferre sighed. “It’s . . . it’s going.” he said. “Well, okay, I’m being dramatic. Courfeyrac is actually the one doing most of the planning. I just get weird about stuff like this. I want Enjolras to like everything, you know?”

“I don’t think Enjolras is capable of disliking anything you do.” Grantaire said in a way that to the untrained ear might sound like a veiled insult, but that Combeferre suspected was an attempt at genuine sincerity.

“Well, thanks.” Combeferre smiled gratefully. “I just want him to have a good time.”

“He will. It’s the rest of us you’ll have to work to entertain.”

“Well, Courfeyrac has a slew of party games he’s preparing. Oh, and, uh, Enjolras mentioned he’s glad you’ll be able to make it. By the way.” Combeferre said, which made Grantaire blush, which made Combeferre smile.

Grantaire hated that. Not just when Combeferre did it, when any of them did. Making faces or little comments, as if they were in on some big secret. It’s like they were proud of themselves for noticing Grantaire’s little crush, like they knew something funny or scandalous or cute. But they didn’t know anything, not really. Grantaire didn’t have a crush on Enjolras at all. It was more like a religion. Maybe he’d been too quick to brand himself an atheist earlier.

His annoyance with Combeferre soured the rest of their conversation. He became mean, curt, and downright humorless. This wasn’t at all fair, he knew. Grantaire probably annoyed Combeferre every third sentence (maybe every third word) and that had never stopped Combeferre from being his usual amiable self. There was another difference between the two: Grantaire lacked both grace and graciousness, and Combeferre, it seemed, never ran out of either.

“Well, I guess I should be leaving.” Combeferre said after a while, rising from the squat chair he was sitting in.

“I guess.”

“Uh, thank you for having me over. We should do this again some time. I had fun.” Combeferre lied.

Grantaire smiled, but the smile did not reach his eyes. “Yeah, why don’t we all do brunch some time? You can bring your friends, it’ll be a real party. Everyone can sit around admiring my huge windows. What a blast!”

Combeferre knew he was joking, but he couldn’t decipher the punchline. What would be so bad about having all of their friends over for brunch? Why did he say the word “friends” like that, all sardonic and italicized? Combeferre almost asked him, but instead he just shook his head and smiled.

“Okay. Well. Bye!”

Grantaire waved lazily. “See you around.”

Under normal circumstances, the phrase “Enjolras mentioned he’s glad you’ll be able to make it” would have found itself fluttering in the pit of Grantaire’s stomach. Instead, there was something else sitting in there. Something that felt a bit like failure, a bit like guilt, and - most surprising of all - a bit like affection.

This is precisely why he didn’t like having people over.

[kristinee]

Princess

Pairing: Topper Thornton x Reader

Warnings: Smut, Swearing, Road Head (this is dangerous, please be safe), Unprotected Sex (stay protected or you’ll get infected, Y/N is on birth control yktv), Topper calls you Princess constantly, Praise, I know it’s smut but like, its cute

Word Count: 1.7K

Request: “can you write an imagine with topper where you guys become like the kook prince and princess and you guys go to midsummers and it gets heated😏 and then he takes you home to finish what he started so basically smut with topper loll”

A/N: I know Topper had such bad tendencies but I kinda fell in love with him. He’s such a cutie and I feel he really sacrificed himself in the end because he loved Sarah so much he wanted to truly see her be happy even if it meant being with someone else. Anyway enough with the fluffy Topper stuff. I didn’t edit this or read it over cause I was rushing slightly. This is my first smut so enjoy.

It was your favorite day of the year, Midsummers. A day where you could dress up and be around your people, the kooks that is. It was even better this year though because you finally had a boyfriend to escort you which was always something you had wanted since you were a little girl, seeing these beautiful girls walk around like princesses. It was all you wanted and you hoped this would be your year now that you qualified to be in the running for Kook royalty. This year you were nominated alongside your boyfriend Topper, you had promised him an extra special surprise, win or lose. With those ideas pumping you took a while on deciding which dress suited you best. You decided on a beautiful silk dress that hugged all your curves and even had a leg slit, enough modesty for your family but enough exposure to prepare Top for a night of teasing. With your dress fitted, heels on and makeup done it was time to go so your family drove up and immediately went about their business but you met Topper in the lobby, his suit was color coordinated to match your dress and you couldn’t help but smile at the little things he did to make you happy. “Is that my girl?” he whistled as he saw you walk in. “Give me a little twirl” You laughed at the comment but did it anyways, twirling into his arms. 

Everyone had always told you not to get with him, that he had dated Sarah Cameron and you’d never be what she was but he quickly debunked those rumors. You guys were perfect for each other and as soon as he and Sarah split he became such a sensitive, considerate guy and you couldn’t be more thankful that he was no longer the asshole everyone knew him as. Topper Thornton.

By the time you finished in the lobby, it was time to hear Kook Royalty results. You were up against some of your friends and you didn’t want to sound stuck up but you and Top were the best couple there, or well, the least fake. These girls were in it for the money and the idea of being seen with some preppy athletic idiot or the guys being seen with some barbie doll. It was nice knowing you’d never have to worry about being that stupid. You were literally shaken out of your thoughts when you felt Topper’s hand on your shoulders. “Y/N we won. Hello?” You blinked a few times, looking at the huge smile on his face. Even if you had just thought about all the good things you remembered most of all how arrogant he was. You were in for a night of him showing off his Princess which meant he was in for something even more annoying.

The party went off great and it had probably been the best Midsummer’s so far and by this time the dance floor was full of teens while the adults were upstairs in the country club to get away from the noise and you could finally be a little more touchy with Topper without worrying about your dad giving him a death stare. An upbeat song came on and the timing couldn’t have been better as you pulled Top in close behind you, pressing him up to your backside. You felt his hot breath down your neck as he exhaled and placed his hands on your hips. The rhythmic swaying and little bit of alcohol you snuck fueled something fierce inside you and it was only a matter of time before you proposed a genius idea. “Hey babe.” his swaying stopped. “What’s up, are you good?” 

“Yeah yeah I’m fine, I was just thinking. What if I told my parents I was sleeping over at Becca’s house and you just take me to yours since I know your parents like to get drunk and stay at that fancy hotel down the way.” You didn’t even need him to speak to get a reaction. His body did it for him as his dick hardened at the thought, he knew what you were after. “You know..” his mouth came closer to your ear. “I think that would be fantastic Princess.” Just the name was already causing a heat between your thighs. “Okay, I’m gonna go let them know. Meet me at your car.” As you walked away you felt his eyes on you. He was ready to take you right there.

After explaining the plan to your drunken parents you headed straight for Top’s car. It was easy to spot in a crowd mostly because of how nice it was, being new and all. If he didn’t care so much about the leather seats and the suede lining you would’ve fucked him there but that made the drive all the more fun. It was only a few minutes in until his hand found it’s way to your thigh and you found yours on his. You couldn’t deny that you were beginning to get needy but it was starting to become overwhelming. He had been focused on his driving the whole time so you were waiting for a good window to open up so you could flirt a little and get him riled up but as soon as the window opened, it was slammed shut with a call from Rafe. “Hey dude what’s up, I’m just on my way home right now.” The frustration was getting to you so you decided you’d show Topper just how frustrated you were. Your hand was still resting on his leg until you decided it was time to move as you slowly began to rub his thigh in circles, moving inside his thigh, just slightly brushing his cock with the edge of your hand. His eyes shot toward you and you innocently smiled continuing the slight motion. “Uh yeah I’m still here, say that one more time.” With the plan in action, you moved up your hand, now rubbing his cock. He was already fully hard as you heard a little groan slip through his lips. “Oh yeah I’m good, my head’s just hurting real bad. Those shots did me in. I’m down the street from my house though.” You weren’t. “So I’ll talk to you tomorrow, see ya” You bent over the gearshift, shifted yourself to get comfortable as you planted a kiss on his cheek while undoing his belt. It was risky to do while he was on the road but there was no traffic this time of night and Topper was one for risk. “Are you okay with this babe?” you sat back on your feet before going down again. His hand caressing your cheek before gathering your hair in his hand and pulling you in for a kiss. You’d take that as a yes. His belt had already been undone so you pulled down his zipper. You pulled down his boxers and his slacks in one go. You took a second to just admire it before spitting on your hand and wrapping it around his cock, pumping it up and down. “Mmm, that feels so good.” You began to swirl the tip with your tongue before he hand bobbed your head up and down. “That’s it baby, we’re almost home.” You moaned just enough to get a reaction out him as he groaned once again, stopping the car in his empty driveway. You slid your mouth off his cock, wiping the spit from the ends of your mouth and pulling up his pants. You got out of the car and headed for the door. You’d never seen someone unlock a door so fast. You both threw down any extra belongings you had by the door and ran upstairs to his room. It was a beautiful place and his room was no exception. He had a massive bed with an ocean view terrace. You guys had definitely fucked there a few times.

The door closed behind both of you as you pushed Topper back on the bed. “Let me take off my dress, I paid too much to get cum stains on it.” You both laughed before you stripped it down along with your heels. He stripped too, all but his boxers “I’m so glad I get to call this mine.” Top sat up, wrapping his hands around your waist and bringing you down on top of him. You straddled his waist as you planted hot kisses on his neck down to his abs. You stopped right above his underwear. “I think I need to finish what I started.” You pulled his boxers down yet again, continuing the process until Top’s grip on your hair pulled you up off of him and up to his face. You could feel his heart beating with the closeness as your lips connected in a passionate kiss. You stopped for a moment of silence, only filled by heavy breathing. “I..fucking...love you.” the phrase that fell from his mouth ignited many things inside you. Your hips pressed together, preparing for the moments to come. “I love you too baby, let me show you just how much.” Your hand moved down your own chest to your heat. Moving to grab his cock as you positioned it below your entrance. You slowly lowered down, adjusting to his size. “Fuck” You’d done this a few times before but it felt new each and every time. Topper set his hands on your hips and began to help you move up and down. The sounds of skin coming together and moans and groans were beginning to fill the room. Your hands exploring each other's bodies. 

He soon flipped you over so he was on top. His eyes looking down all over your body “Tell me what you want Y/N.” “Please just fuck me.” His eyes lit up as he positioned himself back inside you moving even harder and faster than before. “You make me feel so good baby” You felt yourself on edge. “I’m so close,” you were breathing harder than before and everything just felt so hot and heavy “Me too, cum with me.” Your breath synced as you both reached your high. He pulled himself and laid there with you, arms wrapped around each other “Love you Princess” “Love you too Top.” The hug tightened and you two stayed there until you fell asleep.

[esterexpsito]

rebelu & 11 + 14 👁👄👁 (also ilu)

11) things you said when you were drunk & 14) things you said after you kissed me // rebelu

Lu has no idea what the fuck she’s doing here. She just knows that she could have thrown a hell of a better party.

Don’t get her wrong, the other people here seem to be enjoying themselves enough. It’s just... off-brand potato chips, really? A keg? She isn’t sure if this is just a standard for college parties or American ones in general, but she has certainly put together something way more worthwhile than what’s going on in this cramped apartment at sixteen years old, and with less than a week’s notice, at that. Fuck, that Valentine’s Party she threw her last year at Las Encinas was classier than this shit, and that was truly a disaster. At least she’s in a penthouse and not one of the dorms on campus. She could shudder with just the thought.

Still. You’d figure someone who lives in a top-floor apartment in Manhattan could go for the brand-name chips—or actual food, honestly. She’s fucking starving.

This brings her back to the question of “what the fuck am I even doing here?” that she had asked herself two minutes ago. Because she could easily be sharing a veggie pizza with Nadia back in their own dorm, or maybe even splitting the leftovers from the meal Iman had made for them when she, Yusuf, and Omar came to visit last week. But no. She’s here. At this random party she’d heard about from a girl in her Economics class who heard about it from a frat boy she’s apparently screwing. And she doesn’t even have Nadia here with her, because Nadia has a quiz on Foreign Policy on Monday that she needs to study for, or else the world is going to end.

(It’s times like this where she misses Carla. Carla would’ve said fuck it, gone out with her tonight, and then probably would have gotten a passable grade, anyway. Not that she’s comparing them or anything. She loves Nadia, of course, she just—fuck. She misses Carla a lot, okay?)

Lu’s at least self-aware enough to not blame how she doesn’t know anybody here solely on Nadia, because even though Nadia was too busy, she decided to come anyway. She just needed a break from everything. From school, from the stupid fucking traumatic memories that still manage to creep in three years after the fact, from the occasional bout of missing her parents. So she decided to take an old page out of her brother’s book. What’s a better way to forget than to drink her problems away?

Of course, the old Valerio would also add in drugs and sex to that cocktail. The new Valerio would still throw in the latter, but substitute the weed and cocaine for self-help books and whatever other Eat-Pray-Love bullshit he’s been on lately. Possibly energy crystals. And incense.

Lu isn’t interested in any of that, though; not even the sex. That leaves her leaning against a wall with a Solo cup full of alcohol and sending intimidating glares to whatever men who have the audacity to approach her. The unimpressed, arched eyebrow and condescending curve to her lips is practiced, and it works.

For the most part.

“Hey, what’s your name?”

He’s bland. That’s what she immediately notes about him. Next, his after shave is way too overpowering, and the type that, in her experience, assholes prefer (Guzmán used to wear a similar scent before she passive aggressively bought him something far better, and the fact that this man instantly reminds her of those days is already a warning sign). After that, he is very, very drunk, which is why her glare hadn’t properly worked on him.

She tries for blatant disregard; gives him a little once over and scoffs. “I don’t think so.”

“That’s a long name,” he slurs with a grin. She rolls her eyes. He leans in closer, arm braced above her head on the wall. Even though she’s in heels, he’s still taller than her, and she hates the caged-in feeling crawling up her spine.

Lu scowls and pushes him away with two fingers against his chest, beginning to step past him. “Excuse me.”

“No, no, hey, wait,” he says, catching her by the wrist. His fingers are clammy. Tight. Hurting. “Where you going? Don’t leave.”

“Don’t fucking touch—”

As soon as she yanks her arm free from his grasp, a foreign one lands on her shoulders. Lu startles in indignation, but she’s also admittedly a little panicked—and then the new person speaks.

“I’ve been looking all over for you, baby.”

It takes Lu a second to register that that sentence is directed to her. And even though she knows exactly what’s going on, even though she’s more than a little thankful for the save, she still instinctively bristles, because she has never once liked the way this woman has called her baby.

Based on the way Rebe crookedly smirks back when Lu narrows her eyes at her, the taller girl remembers.

“Who’s this guy?” She goes on, and nods her head in indication at him. It’s definitely a rhetorical question, because she glances him over and scoffs a mocking laugh. “Get lost, dude. She’s not interested.”

He bristles. “Who the fuck are you?”

“Her girlfriend.” Lu doesn’t twitch, but she does feel the skin around her eyes go tight. “So, like I said, beat it.”

“There’s no way a girl this hot is—”

Lu knows from experience what Rebe looks like when she wants to hit someone.

But Lu is not a damsel in distress, thank you very much. And neither is she that brutish.

“If it hasn’t been obvious since the moment you walked up to me, I want nothing to do with your little shrimp dick,” she replies, tone even and unaffected where her smile is deep-cutting and mean. For added measure, she leans into Rebe’s side and grasps the hand that’s hanging over her shoulder, pulling her arm tighter around her. “Now walk away unless you want to lose it.”

He’s drunk, and therefore, unpredictable. He could drop it and leave just as easily as he could get violent—which, considering he’s an intoxicated man who just had his penis insulted, is probably the more viable option. But before he can act, another guy claps his hand on the guy’s shoulder tight enough to unmistakably be a warning, and then shoulders his way between the three of them with a wide smile directed at both of the girls.

“Hey, don’t mind him, he’s trashed.” The guy behind him opens his mouth. The newcomer fixes him with a glare that clearly means shut up, then smiles at Rebe and Lu again. “Sorry. We’re all good here, yeah?”

Rebe looks to Lu for confirmation. When she nods, the taller girl nods too, and offers him a controlled smile of her own. “Yeah. We’re good.”

Without another word, the guy manhandles his friend away.

“I’m not gonna lie, I was kind of looking forward to beating his face in,” Rebe says as they watch them disappear into the crowd.

The words are said almost directly into Lu’s ear, and it’s then that she belatedly realizes how the other girl is still holding her. Lu makes a face before she can help it and sucks her teeth, shoving Rebe’s arm off of her and immediately putting space between them even though she was the one who had leaned further in. For show. Obviously.

She fights the urge to fix her dress—there’s nothing to fix.

Rebe just looks her over in that amused way she does. Or did, because it’s been three years since Lu last saw her.

“Well, fuck, you’re welcome,” Rebe continues unaffectedly.

“What are you even doing here?”

The girl shrugs. “It’s a Friday night, this is a party...”

“You know what I mean,” Lu counters, annoyed. Rebe is supposed to be in Spain. Or, at least, not in New York.

“I’m taking a gap year.”

Lu half-squints at her. “You graduated two years ago.”

“So, two gap years, whatever,” Rebe says. “I’ve been traveling on-and-off. I’d never been to America before. Los Angeles was first; kind of frilly. Vegas; fun for one night, then boring. New York’s my last stop before I head back home.”

Lu regards her for a moment. “Did Nadia send you here?”

If she did and didn’t even have the decency to tag along, Lu might have to reevaluate just how much she loves the other girl.

“Nadia doesn’t even know I’m in town yet.” It’s sort of driving Lu crazy how Rebe won’t stop eyeing her, even though she’s well-aware that looking at someone is typically what you do when you’re talking to them. But with Rebe, it’s always gotten a little under her skin. “Anyway. It was nice seeing you and all, Barbie.”

Rebe starts to turn away from her.

Before she even realizes it, Lu’s reaching out and touching her elbow.

“Wait.” She hates how unsure she sounds, so she raises her chin a little with her next words, even if they really don’t warrant the movement. “You’re the only person I know here.”

“And?” Rebe prompts, raising an eyebrow.

“And,” Lu continues, tone begrudging, “from what I remember, you’re not the worst person to party with.”

Rebe stares. Then a slow smirk spreads across her purple-painted lips, and she resignedly shakes her head at herself.

“Fucking hell, I’m definitely going to regret this. But,” and she steps closer again, close enough to peer down into the cup still clutched in Lu’s hand, and Lu hopes to God that she doesn’t see how her fingers tighten around the plastic, just a little bit, “What are you drinking?”

*

Almost four rum and cokes later, Lu is nearly as wasted as the shrimp-dick had been. Under any other circumstances, this would mean that her plan to forget is going off without a hitch—except she’s with Rebe. And Rebe is a fixture from her past, and all that entails.

Meaning, it’s impossible to avoid talking about at least some of it.

“You keep in contact with anyone? You know, besides the obvious.”

They’re in some random person’s bedroom; the first vacant one they could find after drunkenly stumbling their way down the hall, legs shaky from a combination of laughter and dancing for the past hour. The door they had opened before this one led to another bedroom occupied by two girls making out on the bed.

At Rebe’s question, Lu purses her lips at the ceiling.

“Carla, mostly. But through text or FaceTime, we haven’t really actually seen each other.”

“Ah. And how’s the little marchioness doing, these days?”

“Don’t you talk to Samu?”

“Do you ask Nadia about Guzmán?”

It’s not like she and Guzmán are on bad terms, or that she’s bitter about how him and her current best friend-slash-roommate are tentatively together. Definitely not. She just likes to forget the fact that she actually had dated him, hurt over him, and hurt others over him, too. However—

“Fair point,” she concedes. “Carla’s fine. Busy. Do you actually care?”

“I don’t hold grudges, you know?” Rebe shrugs against the mattress. “That’s your thing, babe.”

The pet names. They haven’t stopped at all, even though there’s no drunken asshole here to keep up pretenses for. She blames the fact that they aren’t irritating her as much as they normally (used to) do on the rum.

“If you think I haven’t changed at all over the years, you’re severely underestimating me.”

“I have never underestimated you,” Rebe scoffs. “Besides, you haven’t changed that much. You’re still fun—you know, in that bitchy sort of way.”

Lu resists the urge to playfully slap her on the shoulder. “You thought I was fun?”

“When you weren’t trying so hard to be stuck up, sure,” Rebe says. “You can’t be related to Valerio and be boring at the same time.”

“He could have gotten that from his mom’s side,” Lu says neutrally, eyeing her.

“Nah. There’s something in you that’s a little wild. And no matter how much time you spend taming it, you like when it gets out.”

The thing about rum is that it has always made Lu extremely reckless, which is why she has, in turn, always stayed away from it.

The thing about Rebe is that she’s right.

Lu has no idea what’s going on in her head as she curls her fingers against Rebe’s jawline and pulls at the same time as she leans forward and eliminates the gap between them. Maybe she’s still thinking about those two girls just one room over, maybe she’s remembering all the times in school when she would find herself both pissed off and weirdly turned on by her and Rebe’s little cat fights. Maybe she’s scratching an itch that part of her has known has always been there from the moment they met, buried beneath jealousy and so much fucking repression towards her own sexuality, it’s no wonder she never acted on it sooner.

The kiss is reminiscent of almost all of their previous interactions with one another. Aggressive, sly, vaguely mean. But there’s something different—there’s the softness of Rebe’s skin, the lingering taste of mint in her mouth even though she’s had just as much to drink as Lu has, the way she drags her hand down Lu’s side and flexes her fingers against the sequins of her dress.

All of that sort of freaks her out for a little bit, and Lu has half a mind to put them back on normal ground by biting her lip, but then Rebe pulls back. She’s looking at her in that infuriating way again, that way that Lu doesn’t really hate as much as she pretends she does.

Lu realizes it’s a look full of equal parts calculation and consideration. In spite of her background, the friends—Samu—she likes to keep, and everything Lu has ever said about her, Rebe isn’t actually stupid.

Stupid has never been Lu’s type. She likes...

Well, she likes brutish. The push-and-pull. And she and Rebe have always been great at that.

“Shit, maybe you have changed, after all,” Rebe comments, smirking at her, and Lu has no idea why the fuck she sounds so smug.

She kisses her again instead of trying to figure it out.

[purplesurveys]

1029

[found at: zelthie]

What were you doing before you got on the computer? I took a long-ass shower after the humid nightmare that was today.

Is there anything you really want right now? I wish I had some pastry to go with my iced coffee. I miss my studying sessions at coffee shops :( and it’s not like I’ll get to have them again once Covid is over, because I’m not even in school anymore. Sigh. Also, a longer weekend. I can hardly believe it’s Sunday again tomorrow, and that after that will be Monday again. I love my work, but I also want to reeeeeeeeest.

What's the best gift you've ever gotten? Probably the front-row concert tickets my dad got me for Paramore. Outside of my parents, I really appreciated the scrapbook Gabie made for me three years ago. It turned out to be the first and only handmade gift she’d ever make for me, so I think of it fondly.

What's a song you think the world needs to listen to? Idk, people have different tastes and so it may not be possible to name a song that would successfully appeal to everybody.

Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? As much as I like to firmly believe that regretting friendships should be avoided as much as possible because those people made me happy at one point, I’ve got nothing nice to say about Marielle.

Do you think you have a good understanding on love? I don’t know anything anymore.

You just discovered a new color! What would you name it? No thanks, please don’t ask me to be creative any time of the day.

What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Cookies and cream, and recently, chocolate chip cookie dough.

What do you want to do on your honeymoon? I have not had one but should I do, I’d love to go somewhere non-beachy for a change.

What's one thing you remember learning in school? Spelling difficult words. English (the language, not literature) was my favorite subject in middle school and I always liked the pop spelling quizzes we had. There are some words I could still remember getting wrong, like ‘rendezvous’ and ‘coup d’etat’ but I was always excited about learning their correct spellings so that I could start using them on my own time as well.

Are you more of a cat or dog person? Dog for sure.

How do you want to be remembered by people? [trigger warning] Idk. Whenever I think about...leaving, I always also think about leaving some kind of note instructing whoever’s in charge of stuff to keep things hushed, because I don’t want the whole thing to be a big deal and for it to spread. I don’t really want to be remembered for anything.

Do you like road trips? Yaaaaaaaaas. As long as I’ve got the right playlist that’s also long enough as well as several seasons of Friends, I’d be good to go.

Do you think Medical Marijuana should be legalized? I haven’t read much about it and that topic in general is still widely taboo over here, but I personally have nothing against it.

If you were forced to dye your hair another color, what color would you get? Brown.

Excited for anything? My first paycheck :D :D

What do you think of your parent(s)? They’re doing their best.

Are your grandparents dead? Just one.

What celebrity do you think should have never become famous? Amber Heard and the Paul brothers.

What's your favorite thing to do online? Watch stuff on YouTube. These days I’ve been revisiting wrestling again so I’ve been watching loads of matches and promos I enjoyed throughout my teenage years. I’m scared to dip my toes into today’s content though, because I barely know anyone anymore and there would be a lot of storylines I’d have to get acquainted with; but idk, I might get there someday.

Are you glad George W. Bush is out of office? I didn’t know his presidency all that well because I was way too young when he was still in office. Apparently he’s not very popular.

If you could appear on any TV show, what show would you choose? I’ve always wanted to try out The Amazing Race. I was definitely hooked to that show as a kid.

What does your full name look like without the letters t,a,i,o,e,l,n or s? Rby.

Your mood summed up into one word? Emotionless. I’m literally not feeling anything at the moment, but this is still a lot better than being miserable so I’ll take it.

How often do you talk to other people about the weather? Only when we’re experience extremes, like if it’s painfully, annoyingly hot out or if there’s a bad typhoon. Otherwise I try to find something else to talk about.

Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey right now? Nope, my full attention is on here.

What's a name you wouldn't mind having? At this point, I’ve learned to be okay with my name and don’t feel the need to whine about it anymore.

What's your favorite thing to wear that you own? My mom jeans or denim jacket.

What do you think of Barbie dolls? Boring, mostly. I grew up with boys, so we had more toys marketed for boys and those are what I ended up liking more.

When you were little, did you ever want to go to Disneyland? Not really.

Do you currently have a job? What kind of job do you *want* to have? I do. I’m already in the job/career I had wanted and aimed to be in.

What do you like to do on your free time? Being on YouTube, playing with my dogs, surveys, eating.

What's your relationship with your parents like? With my mom, it’s permanently strained after years of verbal and emotional abuse, but at some point I just learned to live with the trauma – it’s like, we get along these days and we barely get into screaming matches anymore, but at the back of my head I’m still constantly reeling from the hurt she had put me through when I was younger.

My dad and I act like each other’s buddies, but we silently look out for one another. For example he’ll sometimes make a plate of corndogs just for me while I’m at work, and that’s his way of saying “Are you ok? Here, have this. I’m worried about you” without ever having to say it to my face.

Do you own any pets? Yes, I’ve got two dogs.

How many places have you traveled to? Six countries and all over my own country, except Mindanao.

Do you own a cell phone? If so, what kind? iPhone 8.

What are your goals for the future? For things to fall into place, whatever that would bring me.

What's your favorite kind of drink? Just plain old cold water, or coffee.

Did you ever get into the Twilight saga craze? What about the Harry Potter craze? I was (and am, heheh) into Twilight; I wasn’t into Harry Potter.

Where is your mind at: The Past, the Present, the Future, or all around? My mind tends to make space for all three of these.

What's a really good movie you've seen recently? I haven’t seen any films recently but I am planning to watch Ammonite, which I have high hopes and expectations for.

Are you happy where you are right now? Career-wise, yes. As for everything else...could be a little better.

What's the first thing you thought in your head when you woke up today? AHHHHHHH SATURDAY.

If your best friend confessed that they can see the future, you would...? Ask how they were able to get such an ability.

Write a random quote that comes to your head: I’ve been watching Friends all day so the first set of quotes I thought of upon reading this question was, “I just don’t want to face three failed marriages.” “At what point did you think this was a successful marriage?” hahahahaha.

What's your opinion on milk chocolate? Like it, but sometimes can be too sweet.

What about Dark Chocolate? I don’t like dark chocolate bars themselves – too bitter; but I don’t mind it being incorporated in other sweets, like cookies that have dark chocolate bits.

You do know that white chocolate isn't even really chocolate, right? Yes. But it’s my favorite kind.

Do you get annoyed when surveys mention a band you've never heard of? If they mention it excessively or if they name too many unfamiliar bands, then I’m likely to get annoyed, yeah. But I skim through potential surveys anyway, so if I observe that a survey has too many music references I can’t relate to then I just don’t take it.

What's your opinion about Katy Perry's song "I kissed a girl"? Cool song and ahead of its time tbh, but she has so many other better singles.

What's your least favorite pizza topping? Pepperoni, beef, and pineapples.

What would you do if you discovered the US was now drafting for the war? Don’t care.

Are you even living in America, or are you from another country? Bingo for the latter.

What's your favorite social website? Twitter.

Do you believe in heaven? If so, what's it like? If not, why? No. I associate heaven with gods or higher beings, so believing in it would just kill the point of being atheist. I do like to find comfort in some sort of afterlife where I’m not in pain and am reunited with all my loved ones, though. I don’t necessarily believe in it, but it’s just comforting to think about and makes death a lot less scary.

What's your favorite video game? Super Smash Bros. Brawl would probably be my all time favorite. I do plan to get Super Smash Bros. Ultimate for the Switch, so that might get dethroned soon.

In your opinion, is Bzoink the best place to find fun surveys? Yes.

What's your opinion of high school? It only got fun once I found the right friends. Without them, I’m sure my experience would have been miserable.

Do you prefer the country or city? City.

Texting: Is it fun, evil, boring, or none of the above? It can be all of these things depending on the context of the conversation.

What email service do you use for your main (or only) email account? I’m mainly on Gmail. I have an Outlook account that’s still active, but I’ve been listing it less and less for social media sites.

What's your favorite dumb pick-up line? I don’t do pick-up lines, really. I find the entire concept pretty lame.

What are your plans for the next 48 hours? I got hooked to Friends again, so I’ll probably continue watching for the whole of tomorrow. For Monday, I’ll be at work again.

Did you ever read "Captain Underpants" when you were little? Yes. I lovedddd those books, but I always had to read them in secret (my cousin owned the books and I just asked to borrow) because my mom disapproved of them. My favorites were the Flip-O-Rama sections.

What's better: The old Cartoon Network, or the new one? Or do you not care? I’m not aware of the new version, so that leaves me with one choice. Generally, though, Cartoon Network was my least favorite channel out of the big 3 of kids’ channels.

Disney Channel shows are all pretty cheesy, aren't they? The ones they air today are, but maybe I’m just saying that because I’m already outside of their target demographic.

What's your opinion on the Jonas Brothers? I can’t think of a reason to dislike them. They’ve always been likeable, whether as individuals or as a band.

What are some of your favorite singers/bands? Beyoncé, Paramore, Hozier, alt-J, Coldplay, Against Me!, The Japanese House are the main favorites I like mentioning.

Why do the lead singers in bands always get the most recognition?! Probably because they’re the ones mainly heard. I always recognize all the members in my favorite bands, though.

Did you ever believe in the Tooth Fairy? I did, but when I didn’t receive any money  after placing my tooth under my pillow, my hopes and belief got shattered pretty quickly.

What's your favorite type of weather? Cold, cloudy, and rainy.

What's your opinion on reading books? I think it’s great when people are able to find the time to read books, and lots of them. I wish I didn’t grow out of it.

You're given a chance to act in a Hollywood Blockbuster! Would you accept? Nope.

What it if it was a movie directed by Tim Burton?(He directed Sweeney Todd) He ranks pretty low for me. He’s a great director and I respect his craft, but his filmography is not a personal favorite of mine.

How do you feel about Taco Bell? I wish I can have it more often, but we only have two branches in the Philippines and they are both far away.

Are you hungry right now? I can honestly go for a snack right now :/ Like chicken tenders or pad thai. I’m super tempted to order from Grab since I have more than enough cash on me, but I don’t want to be irresponsible with my money so very early on lol

How often do you go on to Youtube? Everyday, and most of everyday.

It's possible to be addicted to anything... What are you addicted to? Curry.

What's your opinion of Wallgreens? Unfamiliar.

Back when Spongebob Squarepants was famous, were you interested in it? Yes, it was my favorite cartoon.

What's your dream pet? Dogs.

You see a mermaid while relaxing on the beach with friends. What now? Think that it’s probably a social experiment and let them be.

Who's been your favorite teacher growing up, and why? My music teacher always gave amazing life advice alongside her lessons, and she was so graceful and so classy and she simply invited respect everywhere she went. I’ve always wanted to be like her.

When you were little, did you ever like Pokemon? Yes. I watched the anime and collected Pokemon pogs and cards. My cousin had a lot of the video games and I’d watch him play those, while my sister had a couple of Pokemon books that explained each Pokemon.

How often do you get headaches? These days, everyday. Hahaha work is super hectic.

Do you have any songs stuck in your head right now? If so, what? Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Have you ever screamed in the shower? No. I cry a lot, though. When you’re on the computer do you use your iPod or iTunes/Limewire? Wow, Limewire. That was around when iPods were a thing? Huh. Anyway, if I want to listen to music while on the computer I use Spotify on my phone or on my TV. I usually just listen to ASMR or have the TV on, though. Who are the four people you talk to on MSN most often? This survey is oldddd. I never used MSN, though. I was an AIM and Yahoo Messenger gal. Now all I have is Facebook Messenger or the chat thingy on here. I rarely use them, though.  When was the last time, if ever, you spoke back to a teacher? Never. What teacher would you never speak back to? I didn’t speak back to any of them. 

Could you be classified as shy? I most definitely am. I’m shy, introverted, and awkward as hell.

In your group of friends, are you the smart one, athletic one, etc.? ”in your group of friends” haaa. There’s no group. I have no friends. Who are your closest friends? I have my family and I’m more than okay with that. I’m especially close to my mom and brother. Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? No. Because of yours? No. What was the last test you got back, and what did you get on it? I graduated 5 years ago, I don’t recall the last test I took, but I either got an A or a B.  Are you out for summer yet? If not, when do you get out? Like I said, I graduated 5 years ago. I’m done with school. Do you have any big plans for the summer? I don’t have any plans for summer. I’m in no way looking forward to summer either. D: Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language? No. What kind of iPod do you have and what colour is it? I mean, I still have my black iPod Touch stored away, but I haven’t used it since like 2012. I use my phone, which currently is a coral iPhone XR. What do you wear when you’re going to sleep? Whatever I wore that day to be perfectly honest. I wear leggings and oversized graphic tees, so it’s comfortable. Say something to the person you like right now: I don’t like anyone in that way. Who is the last person that was at your house? We had my aunt and a few of my cousins over a couple weeks ago for my brother’s 21st birthday. Whose house were you last at? My aunt’s house. If you go out for lunch during school, where do you go?

Are you going anywhere exciting anytime soon? Nope. I went to Disneyland a little over a week ago. That was the only trip I had planned for this year. I’m sad it already came and went. :( When your on the computer/texting, do you spell things correctly or use shortforms? The only short forms I use are “lol”, “lmao”, “wtf”, and “wth.” Otherwise, I spell correctly and use proper grammar. If you could join your favourite band, what instrument would you play? I can’t play any instruments, though.

What is the last concert you went to? Green Day back in 2009. Are you going to any upcoming concerts? How excited are you? Nope. Do you have any homework you should be doing right now? Nopeee. Whose house, other than yours and your families, are you most comfortable at? I don’t go to anyone else’s house that often, honestly. I spend majority of my time at home. Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? No. Who was the last person to wear your clothes/shoes other than you? Just me. Whose clothes other than your own did you last wear? Why? I just wear my own. Have you ever made a “100 Things To Do This Summer” list? Nope. Did you do everything on the list?

Do you have any after school activities, or do you just sit around at home? In 6th and 7th grade I was a Girl Scout. The community college here also offered fun classes for kids during the summer to take and I took some of those. Mostly; though, I watched TV, played Barbies, or played with my cousins and/or neighbor friends.

Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? Nope. Do you actually participate in gym class, or just stand there? I had to participate, but I didn’t enjoy it.  What class do you have the most tests in? What class do you have the least tests in? What class were you in when you last got a class detention? I never got detention. Have you ever been on the honour roll? I was always on the honor roll. Lat thing you bought that was over 100 dollars? I spent quite a bit during my Disneyland vacation.  How much money do you have on you right now? None on me. Would you consider getting a summer job this summer? No. When you were little, did you ever have a lemonade stand? Ha, my cousin and I did once with Kool-Aid. Did you ever watch the show Full House? I loved Full House. I still watch it. What cartoons do you still watch? Rugrats, Hey Arnold, and Doug. What was the last thing that scared you? Hmm. When were you last in a car and who were you in it with? Last Friday with my brother. What radio stations do you flip between in the car? My parents and brother all play their Spotifys in their cars. I’ll put mine on sometimes. What song can you absolutely not stand right now? *shrug* I haven’t listened to the radio in so long. I just use Spotify, so all I listen to is my playlist with songs I obviously like. Do the librarians at your library know you by name? No. I haven’t been to the local library since I was a teenager. I went to my college’s libraries when I was in school, but they didn’t know me. Which of your friends was the last one to annoy you? Is there anyone at your school you feel really bad for?

How many people are in your group of friends at school?

Do you ever go camping, or do you prefer to stay at home? I’m a homebody. I have absolutely no desire to ever go camping. What ten people would you most likely bring on a roadtrip? I’d just wanna go with my mom, my brother, and my aunt.

[writingthingsisdifficult]

The man in my dreams

This is a story of dreams, of heartbreak, and soulmates. Some fluff, some angst, a little bit of blood, a little bit language...

I worked hard on this, so please let me know what you think. I also have a tag list; so let me know if you want on it. Or if you want off it, I guess. There’s a few people I can’t tag anymore. Let me know if you’ve changed your url or something, yeah?

Edit: I don’t know what the weird symbols are, but they disappear when you click the read more. Also: yes there is a read more - but for some reason it doesn’t show up on mobile. Sorry.

Word count: 7107

He grips my foot tighter as he bandages the wound. It is just a small nick, but he seems uneasy, and I don’t want to upset him further, so I don’t move. “Tell me,” he says, and there’s an emotion I can’t interpret laced in his voice.

“W-what?”

“Your story. Tell me.” He waves his free hand, indicating for me to get on with it. “From the beginning.”

“Uh…” I clear my throat, and try to ignore the burn from the screaming. “M-my first memory is…” This is harder than I thought it would be. I’ve always had dreams and aspirations, but it’s not to die by the hands of some nutter who gets off on people’s sob stories. Of course I’m not my usual top self.

Growling, he gathers a fistful of my hair and yanks, pulling my head backwards. The pain brings tears to my eyes. “Now!”

I let out a long breath, and a plan of sorts forms in my head. Maybe I can distract him long enough to work my hands free of the rope. And then? Let’s worry about that later. “Y-yeah… hhhhso. First mem-memory. Uhhh… I remember waking up, screaming from a nightmare where I was covered in flames. If I close my eyes I can still feel the heat on my face… I screamed so hard my throat ripped and I could taste blood on my tongue, and… and Dad spent hours trying to calm me down. Heh… it wasn’t until he started humming along to the soft rock radio station I finally closed my eyes and drifted off into an uneasy sleep. I guess I must have been around three or something.”

He nods, and his apparent calm encourages me to continue. I brace myself and bring forth the story I intend to tell him.

“I had a very happy childhood. I did. My parents loved me, and I never wanted for anything. Yet I always felt something was missing. Like I wasn’t whole. I tried not to think about it too much, because like everyone else, I just wanted to be normal and accepted.

But sometimes this longing crept out; when I was sleeping and had no control over myself. When I turned five the dreams became more frequent, and I started to recognise a pattern.” There’s always a pattern, if you know where to look, and it didn’t take me long to see it.

“’Momma! Momma!’ My cries were followed by frantic footsteps on the soft carpet. I think there was a sharp crack, then a low curse being thrown into the room, but I’m not entirely sure. I was too scared to care that Mom had trodden on one of my favourite Barbies.

‘What is it, pumpkin? Another nightmare?’ Mom’s voice was like a soothing blanket over my frayed nerves as she picked me up and held me close. Yes, it was another nightmare, but it wasn’t an ordinary nightmare. My six-year-old brain recognised that much.

Wiping my nose on Mom’s shirt, I sniffed and blinked away the tears that stuck to my eyelashes. ‘Uh-huh. The same… A dark, um, monster was coming in through the window, and he was so scared, and… and then someone was shooting…’ The flash of flames from the gun was what woke me up. To this day, I’m still terrified of… of fire.”

I sigh, and try not to think about my current predicament. Right now a little fire almost seem like a good thing. “Anyway. So Mom stroked my hair and smiled softly. ‘Oh,’ she said, as if she was holding back. ‘You were dreaming about, about S… Sander? again?’ She always struggled to remember the dreams I’d told her about before, and for some reason that annoyed me exceedingly.

But I didn’t know how to tell her that, of course. I was only six, so I banged my fist weakly against her chest. ‘Sam, Momma. His name is Sam.’

Mom gave me a sad smile, and kissed the top of my head. ‘Sorry, honey. It was just a dream. There’s no such thing as monsters –“ I’m interrupted by a low chuckle, and I frown at my captor, who has seated himself at the bottom of my chair, with his feet crossed, and his head in his hands as if I’m reading him a fairytale.

“Nothing,” he smirks, and nods for me to continue again.

“Uh-huh. Well, Mom told me to go back to sleep. She said that nothing could hurt me in my bed. Then she tucked my blanket tight, but there was something about her face that made me suspicious. Like she wasn’t telling me the truth. But then again, Mom always said I wasn’t a very trusting child, so I archived the feeling in the back of my mind where all the other weird ideas I had would eventually end up; like ghosts were real and that werewolves really looked like ordinary people. Oh, the look on Mom and Dad’s faces when I told them. Of course they knew better. There’s no such thing as ghosts – the only monsters out there are…” You, I want to say, but I’m not sure how he’ll react to that, so I sniff, and cough.

“May I please have a glass of water?” I ask, my mouth so dry it hurts to smack my tongue.

“No,” he simply replies, and straightens his back.

Right. My story. Pri one, obviously. “Some dreams are vague like feelings or memories of colours swirling over a blank canvas, or emotions etched into my mind for forever, but without context or a story.

Others, uh, others I remember as if… as if they happened just minutes ago, like those piercing, yellow eyes. So cold, so… evil. I never really saw who they belonged to, but they frightened me so much Mom and Dad thought about sending me to a professional. I wonder what would’ve happened if they did. Those eyes still haunt me sometimes. Sometimes I even feel I can see them when I’m awake… But in the middle of them all stands Sam, like a pulsing beacon of light and safety. Even though his face is blank in my dreams, I always knew it was him, you know?”

He fidgets and shifts on the floor, looking uneasy, but he quickly hides his emotions behind a stern façade. “Tell me about the dreams about Sam.”

“Hum, okay. In those dreams he was there, sometimes almost as we were the same person, or sometimes we would meet and do stuff together. It never, uh, never struck me as weird when I was little, that I never saw his face. It felt natural, and those times I saw others, it was like watching them through a filter, or maybe through his eyes even.

Dean appeared often. His brother. Sometimes like a knight or a caped hero,” I smile from the memory of the tough looking kid in a Batman cowl and the cape flowing behind him as he ran through the streets. “He… uh, would swoop in to save us when we’d gotten lost. Flowers sprouted and blossomed where he walked, and wherever he went darkness cowered. I always liked Dean. He made Sam happy.

Sometimes older people appeared too. At least when I was younger. A man named Dad felt strong and safe, but sometimes he felt distant and sad. Those dreams always made me cry with the heartache Sam tried to hide away.

There was another man too. A gruff, but kind looking old man. Sam called him Uncle Bobby.” There comes a low growl from the floor, but I ignore it. “His hugs scratched my chin, but they were bigger and better than I’d ever known before. Sometimes Uncle Bobby was Uncle Dad. Those were not happy dreams. Well, the dreams were. Usually filled with fun stuff like soccer or baseball and ice cream, but they were almost always immediately followed by a pang of inexplicable guilt and embarrassment before I was rudely ejected from the dream.

Those nights I used to gather all my stuffed toys in my bed with me and place them meticulously around me so they’d know I loved them all equally. That wasn’t entirely true, though. My stuffed gorilla, Hannibal, was my favourite, but I would never admit it out loud so my toys could hear it. But Hannibal always slept in my arms. He knew all my secrets. Like when Dad left with another man when I was seven, and uh…” I let out an uncertain laugh. I hadn’t meant to tell him that. But it’s like I can’t stop myself from it.

“Anyway. When I was nine, I remember the dream so vividly… I was in this, this meadow, I think. So unfamiliar, I’d never been there before, but at the same time I knew exactly where I was, and that there was something important there. Everything was so distracting. The colours were so vibrant I was pretty sure I could touch them if I tried; the air buzzed with excitement, and all around me birds chirped and danced over the tree tops.

Next to me flowed a small brook, and the bubbling reminded me of laughing babies. I followed it. Nothing bad could happen if I just followed the brook, right? Just as I skipped over a rock to cross the water, a shadow flitted across the corner of my eyes, but when I turned, all I could see was a bright green fern stretching to lick the sun.

The water ran upstream, it seemed, but I didn’t think much of it. It was as it should. Eventually I got to a waterfall that flowed upwards, but I was too preoccupied with the table laid out with every candy I could possibly imagine – and quite a bit more, I believe. Sam was there too, and another man I couldn’t really see. They were laughing. I’d never seen him that happy before.

When I approached, Sam got up and hugged me. I was so surprised I totally lost the ability to speak. He introduced me to his friend, I-I’ve forgotten his name, but he was so proud of Sam, and he told me that I was good for looking out for him. Then we gorged ourselves on candy and marshmallows and junk food, and watched cartoons and played Twister.

When I told Mom about the dream, she ruffled my hair and smiled, but under her breath she muttered: ‘That poor boy. He must be feverish –‘ But to me she said: ‘It was only a dream, honey.’

You know… I nodded, pretending I hadn’t heard her, but that’s when I understood: she believed me, even though she didn’t tell me the whole truth. I decided to ask the wisest person I knew the next day: my best friend at school, Lou. He was a year older than me, and he knew everything there was to know about everything worth knowing.” I exhale through my nose and shake my head. The picture of Lou in the schoolyard is almost absurd. And it was so long ago. How young we were.

“Lou folded his hands in his lap and looked at me with the air of a benevolent ruler who’s just about to educate his favourite subject on a very serious matter.

‘You have a soulmate,’ he said matter-of-factly. Several of the onlookers gasped. Some sniggered.

‘Nuh-huh!’ Tilly from science protested. ‘My Mom says there’s no such thing.’ We could practically hear her roll her eyes.

‘Then your Mom is wrong,’ Lou countered, and I huffed in agreement. He’d clearly won the point, even though I didn’t really know what he was talking about. ‘Just because she hasn’t got one, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist!’

‘You know those are just stories, right?’ Maggie chimed in. She was in Lou’s year, and pretty much ruled the school. She cocked an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

“Yeah, no, I’m telling you it’s real.” I was desperate for Lou to be right; I never liked Maggie, and besides nothing would ever convince me that my dreams were just dreams.

“Well, my mom says that it’s just a fairy-tale Nana used to tell to make us go to bed without arguing.”

Lou got to his feet and crossed his arms too. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Maggie shrank back a bit, because he was like a head taller than her, and probably weighed twice as much, but it only took a second or two for her to bounce back, with Tilly in tow.

I don’t remember what Tilly said, but I do remember throwing a few punches. It’s a miracle we didn’t all get suspended. Got detention, though. And it felt so unfair. Because Tilly deserved everything she got. She was a despicable… Anyway. I went home and asked Mom. Mostly because I was sure the teacher was going to tell her what the fight was about anyway, so I figured I’d beat her to it.

The answer I got wasn’t what I expected. I think I thought she was going to deny it and tell me my mind was running away with me again, and that Lou shouldn’t have lied like that. But she sat me down and ran a hand through her hair. ‘It’s a controversial topic,’ she began, ‘and many believe it’s untrue, or that it’s a threat to free will. It’s a rare condition. That’s why we don’t talk about it. But wouldn’t it be wonderful to know someone out there is made for you?’

‘Like you and Dad?’ I asked, rubbing the bruise on my forehead.

She looked at me with tears in her eyes. ‘Honey, I… your father and I kept it quiet because… well, you see, your father and I weren’t – I never had the dreams, though he did. We worked hard to make it… work, and we never thought that… because we, uh, sorta thought it would… uh, that it would…’ She obviously struggled to speak about it. In hindsight I realise that it hurt her greatly, but back then I was just a stubborn brat with insensitive questions.

Trying her best to swallow the lump in her throat so that I didn’t see, she coughed, and moved the cushion half an inch to the right, then back again. ‘It seems silly now,’ she continued after a while. ‘Thinking his soulmate would appear just from us talking about it… As if we could keep him away just by keeping quiet,’ she added with a huff, more to herself than me. “Anyway… those dreams… yes. Sam’s your soulmate, but I can’t tell you when – if – you’ll meet him. Nature is, I wouldn’t exactly call it evil, maybe more tricky. And there hasn’t been much research on the subject, since it’s pretty rare to begin with, and… well, since it’s about love and all. But I think I read somewhere that it’s most likely hereditary. There was a research paper published, I think about twenty years ago, that claimed that only males carry the gene, but I’m not sure. I don’t know.’ Her voice was soft and airy, more vulnerable than I expected a Mother to be.

Mom always did that when she was sad: spoke to me like I was a grown-up, and I always nodded and practised my “understanding” face, but truth be told I didn’t understand half of what she said.

What I did understand, though, was that Sam, the boy I’d been dreaming about my whole life was real, and that one day I might meet him. That thought made me giddy and warm inside, and I couldn’t wait for us to play together. I was only nine, mind you. Uh… May I please have a glass of water?” My voice crack, and he slowly gets to his feet. I use the few seconds alone to wiggle the rope a little further.

When he gets back he watches me with… almost fearful eyes, and he gently helps me to drink. The water is cold and refreshing, and I gulp it down greedily. He wipes my chin, and then sits back down. “Now continue.”

“Right.” I want to ask him why, but I don’t think it’ll do me any good. “The years passed, and I no longer wanted to play with Sam. Somewhere deep in my brain the seed that had been planted when I was born began to grow and bloom.

Mom never mentioned anything about soulmates again, and I quickly learned not to bring it up at school unless I wanted to be ridiculed and laughed at. But the dreams continued.

When I was thirteen, and just starting to figure out my feelings and getting confused with more of them, I had this dream that really stuck with me for a long time. I think it was in September, and I remember I struggled with school a bit at that time. Anyway. In this dream, Sam and me, we were at a museum.

I wasn’t entirely sure how we got there, nor did I know exactly where we were, but I also did know that we were in San Francisco, and this was the gigantic Prehistory Museum that obviously had to be there, since that was where we were. Which is funny, because I’ve never been to San Francisco. Incidentally this was when I learned how to pronounce pterodactyl, heh…”

He gives me a dark look, and I hurry to continue my story.

“This museum, it was, I don’t know, round-ish… the huge cylindrical core was made up of glass, the hundreds of windows gave us glimpses of the exhibitions inside, and we strolled down along the walkway that wound itself around it like a giant vine. It felt like walking through a rainforest – everything was so green and lush.

Each floor was home to a new exhibition, and even though quite a few of them looked interesting – I never really got over my dinosaur phase – we didn’t feel like leaving our jungle path. The rooms were too crowded, or too loud, or both, and we just wanted to be together.

Once we stopped by a souvenir cart, and Sam bought me a miniature model of an ichthyosaur skeleton, and I bought him a lollipop in all the colours of the rainbow, because that was what he wanted more than anything.

We didn’t say much, for what felt like forever. Occasionally Sam would stop and point at something new or unusual, and sometimes we’d get distracted by a sound or the sight of traffic outside, but it only took seconds and then we were back together again on the neverending carpeted spiral.

At one point, Sam’s hand brushed mine, and we both jumped. He coughed and hummed, I blushed like I’d never touched another human being before, and then we both looked away. It was the best feeling in the world: my heart hammered, I was on the verge of throwing up, yet I was floating just a couple of inches above the ground, because I knew what was coming.

A wave of courage hit me, and I reached for Sam’s hand just as he reached for mine. The moment we touched the world went darker, as if the sun suddenly went down, but then thousands of tiny lights blinked all around us. One of the lights landed on my nose, and I squinted to look at the firefly. When I looked up again, Sam was closer than he was before. I’m pretty sure there were fireworks too. Wind lifted my hair, and I closed my eyes and leaned in – only to be interrupted by a loud screech from the velociraptor exhibit. We turned our backs to it, but the sound continued, so I opened my eyes and cursed loudly. I was back in my bed, the alarm clock shrieked at me, and I had two hours of history and maths waiting for me.

I think that dream lingers because most of the others were so dark and scary. I can’t tell whose dream is who’s anymore, but I remember dreaming a lot about those yellow eyes. Especially in combination with black smoke and a smell that stung my nose. And sometimes I would comfort Sam, or he would comfort me, and I would wake up with tears in my eyes. I guess it was because our minds were getting used to each other. I dunno.

There were a lot of monsters. But sometimes, sometimes… I recognise the dream as fully mine.” I close my eyes and dip further into the memory. “I don’t know why I was crying. Maybe it was just that time of the month, maybe something horrible had happened that I couldn’t remember, or maybe I was just exhausted from Mom’s constant talk about college. The applications were written, but I didn’t know where I wanted to go – or even what I wanted to do. At any rate the tears wouldn’t stop falling, and soon I sat in a big puddle of water that rose higher with every plop. Kinda like Alice in Wonderland. Heh… that was one of my favourite books when I was little.” I open my eyes and sigh. I feel like crying now. But I guess it won’t do me any good.

With another sigh, I continue; “Suddenly an arm snaked around my shoulder, and Sam’s head leaned against mine. ‘I’m here.’ No questions, no fussing. He knew what I needed: company and silence. I didn’t even have to say thank you, but I tried anyway.

My voice was too raw, no sound would come, but Sam nodded and pulled me closer. ‘Any time,’ he said, and that was it.

We sat for a while, watching the world scuttle past. Piles of baked goods appeared and disappeared again. A small monkey walked on ropes between two dumpsters. In the shadows I’m pretty sure I saw Ross Geller hunt for rats, but I didn’t say anything because it looked like he didn’t want to be disturbed.

Breathing out, I noticed my cheeks were dry: all that was left of my tears was a dull aching in my temples.

The clouds shifted, and we sat inside a rainbow, floating high above the grassy fields I recognised from that school trip in fourth grade when André and Lionel scared half the class by finding a huge slug and running after all the girls with the poor creature dangling from their hands.

‘It’s a nice memory,’ Sam said after a while.

‘Yes. It is,’ I replied, not knowing what else to say. I turned towards him to ask about his school trips, but he was gone. His warmth and scent lingered, but the place he’d been sitting in was empty. I missed him.

That was the last time I saw him for a long while. I guess I was busy with school, and I don’t remember dreaming much at all. Got a boyfriend, though it didn’t last long, because he found out about Sam. Read it in my diary, I guess. Wasn’t too upset to see him leave. He wasn’t too interesting anyway.

But when I was… around twenty, I had another dream. As I drifted off to sleep I felt the fabric of reality stretch around me, and I let it, knowing it would soon settle again. I wasn’t afraid.” Not like now, I almost add, but I bite my tongue. I don’t want to show that… that creep… that I’m scared of him.

“The darkness faded and revealed a rolling meadow filled with all the flowers I’d ever heard of. And probably a few I hadn’t. I immediately recognised the place: it was my safe space. My Ghibli meadow. I’d watched “Spirited Away” with a reverence bordering a religious experience not long before. Nothing could hurt me here.

The sound of the summer breeze harmonised with the birds as the familiar sounds and smells brought me home. Finally I could breathe.

Soon it became clear to me that I wasn’t alone as I expected, and I looked around with my heart pounding in my chest. The colours paled and the shadows lengthened – and then I spotted him: standing a little way away, looking curious and almost shy for intruding.

My heart slowed as I realised who it was, and I smiled and beckoned him over. ‘Hey, Sam,’ I whispered as he came closer, knowing he could hear me. Around us the colours grew stronger again, and warmer, and the sun rose higher in the sky.

Now, I didn’t know much about Sam, I still don’t, but I knew he had a troubled soul. It wasn’t hard to see. Hell, I didn’t even know his face, but I knew he was tall, and I knew that he was beautiful, both inside and out. Even here I had to bend my neck back to look up at him.

‘Hey,’ he said, giving me chills from the big grin in his voice.

‘Haven’t seen you around in a while,’ I replied, hoping he’d detect the longing in my voice.

He looked away into the distance. ‘I know. Things have been… busy. So this is… this is you, huh?’ I thought I could detect guilt in his voice, but I was never good with people, so I didn’t say anything. Instead I focused on the curiosity in his mind, and how warm it made me feel. The flowers around us rustled proudly.

‘This is me.’ I let out my arms and spun around on the spot, almost stumbling over an overgrown bush of berries.

Sam smiled. I could feel it in the sunshine. ‘This is…’ He paused. ‘Nice. It’s nice.’

It was so good to see him again, to be with him. We walked for a while, talking about nothing and everything. He picked a flower and placed it behind my ear, and I blushed furiously.

I desperately wanted to kiss him, but he held back on me. I didn’t understand why, because I saw the same connection we’d always had, but I figured he had his reasons, so…

Well, after we passed the small cabin where I used to go to sort my thoughts, another woman joined us. Um, not joined as such. She wasn’t really there, more of a fleeting ghost or projection of a thought. I’d never seen her before, but her name was clear in Sam’s mind. Jessica. He called her Jess.  And she called to him, and… Sam just… he faded. I…” The memory still stings in my chest. I don’t know if it’ll ever go away. I swallow and blink to stop my tears. He dabs my eyes with the sleeve of his sweater, and stretches. He yawns, and then his stomach growls.

“Go on,” he murmurs. “I wanna hear the rest of it, before…” he trails off, leaving me confused. What has he planned?

“I hated that woman for ages. She appeared in almost every dream we shared. She stole my Sam. But… I knew she made him happy, so somewhere, deep inside – I would never have admitted it then – I was grateful. Dean had… Dean had all but disappeared from Sam’s dreams, and when he did pop up it was usually to argue. At least Jess kept him company. And his dreams were… nice. No monsters, no darkness. But my dreams changed too. They lost their colours. They felt colder too. Once, Sam asked me about it. He said he’d noticed, but I turned away and didn’t answer him.

For a while I dreaded going to sleep. I didn’t want to see her again. Didn’t want to carry that feeling of, of betrayal. I wasn’t… angry… at Sam. I was disappointed, sure, but I didn’t own him. No, I was pissed at the universe for punching me in the gut like that.

Then suddenly, the dark dreams returned. The fire too. It was stronger, burned hotter. I could see the outline of a woman in the flames. Her face was contorted in pain, and her blood trickled down the walls.” I shudder. It had dawned on me one morning, after watching her maimed, burning body, that the woman was Jessica, and that she probably was dead in a fire. My heart had bled for Sam that day. Still does.

“I can barely talk about this. Please. I gotta… I gotta…” I lean back and rest my head on the back of the chair. “It was bad, okay? I don’t know what happened to Sam. He was so happy, and then almost nothing but demons and blood and monsters under the bed. And the torture. Oh god, the torture. I could almost feel how Sam’s limbs were ripped apart and put together again. They plucked out his eyeballs over and over. Cut him, bled him dry… I feel like throwing up just by thinking about it. The images are seared into my brain, and I wish to god they weren’t!

In the beginning, I tried to reach out to him, and occasionally he’d welcome my light, as he put it. He said I made the suffering bearable, but as time went on, he stopped responding to me. And then… nothing. Nothing at all, for a whole year!” My voice breaks and my heart with it.

“It was nothing like before when I didn’t dream about him. Then I’d sorta sense him; know he was there, doing his thing, you know? But now? It was as if he didn’t exist. That was the longest year of my life. What if something happened to him? What if he died?”

He laughs as if the thought amuses him, and I suppress the urge to spit in his face. Yeah, there’s no such thing as monsters, but he’s one alright! Twisted and vile. And there’s no one here to stop him. And if I get my hands free? What can I hope to do?

“My heart longed for Sam, but after so long without anything, I started thinking I’d made it all up. Yeah. I’m an idiot. I should’ve -- But I… I started to come to terms with the thought that maybe he was… The whole romance thing, the idea of soulmates – what kind of nonsense… I mean, not everybody has one, right? But I started questioning it: like what made a soulmate a soulmate and not just two people that were so very in love?

Sure, you have the dream thing, but they say we only dream about people we already know or have seen, so it might as well be a dream about that plumber you saw that one time you went with your mom to work. But then there were the thing with the faces… yeah… I didn’t really believe my own doubts, but I worked so hard on pretending I did, that I forgot. So when the dreams returned, I almost spooked myself awake.

Yeah, the dreams came back. Just as suddenly as they’d stopped. And it was worse than any horror film. They hurt, physically and mentally. Like someone pressed a hot nail into my brain. There was light flashing in front of my eyes, and sometimes it was pitch black, and we could hear something scuttling past just outside our reach.

I remember squeezing Sam’s hand once, and he yelped as if it hurt him. It was all dark around us, and there was not a sound except for the soft pitter-patter of rain on the lawn – no, that wasn’t it.  That was the sound of footsteps. Naked feet slapping silently against concrete floors. I grabbed Sam’s other hand. He was totally calm, but he squeezed my hand in a quiet gesture of safety.  Whatever this creature was, he wasn’t afraid of it. But Something was coming, and Something was going to bring Sam to his knees. I just knew it.

And when it came… oh jeez… ‘You’re a freak, Sammy. A monster. You should’ve died!’ Just the voice was enough to make Sam crumple to the ground. Dean appeared in a haze, his face distorted, but I could see the disappointment still. But it wasn’t him. I knew Dean. He loved his brother – deeply. He would never. NEVER. Say something to hurt him. But Sam never saw this false image. He cowered on the floor, his face buried in his knees and his arms around his head. He was… was rocking back and forth, and I know he was crying. I could feel it. And every word from Dean cut him open.

There wasn’t much I could do. He wouldn’t acknowledge me anymore, but I stroked his hair and told him he was perfect, and he flinched away from me. I told him to not listen to the creature that had taken his brother’s face, but I think he closed his mind to me.

I felt him crumble. I stumbled over his frail form in the darkness, terrified and frozen.

I kinda didn’t recognise him. Sure, he had the same silhouette, and the same homely smell surrounded us, but it was as if he didn’t see me. No: he ignored me on purpose, flinching away when I got too close.

‘Sam,’ I said, trying to keep desperation from my voice. ‘It’s me.’

The only response I got was a low hum, and him leaning away slowly.

‘Hey,’ I tried, softer this time. ‘You don’t have to be afraid of me. I won’t hurt you.’ Why he would be scared of me was a mystery, but the claustrophobic weight of panic descended on us. I could hardly breathe.

‘You’re not real,’ he whispered hoarsely, and I wondered if he’d been screaming. Maybe he was hurt – or ill. He did rub his hand as if it was painful.

‘Are you hurt?’ I asked, reaching for his hand, but he snatched it out of my reach.

‘Not real.’

‘I am real,’ I countered. ‘But this is a dream, so…’ I cut myself off. I wasn’t making it any better. Suddenly Sam started to fade from me. I caught a glimpse of what looked like charred wings before I was engulfed in freezing flames. I woke up panting hard and still feeling the cold spreading over my skin. My heart was dancing in my chest, and high-pitched ringing filled my ears.

It’s hard to separate one dream from another. They continued for a long time. Nothing but fear and confusion, and sometimes cold fury. He was hunkered down in a corner, trying to hide from something. Despair and anger radiated from the shivering pile, but it was so dark I couldn’t see him properly. Still, I knew it was him. The familiar feeling of a tether drew me to him. ‘Sam?’ I asked, as quietly and gently as I could, just as I always did.

His head snapped up, confused by the new presence, but he recognised me too. I think. ‘Who are you?’

Once again he broke my heart. ‘It’s me; Y/N.’ We’d been through this a thousand times, and I didn’t understand how I hadn’t just given up yet. But the bond between us was so strong I don’t think I could have, even if I tried.

‘You’re not real,’ he replied. ‘You’re created to make me… to punish me for…’ He was suddenly on his feet, and I could see he was falling apart. His clothes were torn, and the rags were swaying in a wind that wasn’t there. He had burn marks on his arms, and his face was gaunt and grey.

‘Get away from me!’ There was so much pain in his voice I almost started crying. His words punched me in the stomach, and for a second it was so, so hard to breathe. I felt ill. Frost rose from his mouth, and darkness swirled around us again. Howling winds brought a cold that froze our bones, and I just couldn’t seem to warm up despite the fact that there was a fire burning in front of us.

‘Sammy, Sammy, Sammy,’ a mocking voice sneered. ‘She’s just as real as I am.’

Sam fell to his knees again and started muttering. ‘Go away, go away, go away…’

So yeah… that was a fun time. But I think he got better. He doesn’t avoid me any more. The monsters are still there, but Sam’s stronger now. Still sad, still haunted, but he’s almost back to his normal self. Back to his kind, caring self. I… I have this dog I dream about sometimes, and when they meet, Dog really lights up, and Sam can spend hours playing with him. But I’m…” I look away. The past is hard, yeah, but it’s the past.  Knowing what comes next is… I’m getting desperate. “I’ve tried to ask him where he is. If we can meet, but I never remember his answer when I wake up. And.. I-I think I might never meet him in reality, you know? So when I saw that bar in his dream, and I actually remembered and knew where it was, I…” I give him a flat look. “Yeah. I’m starting to think that was a mistake.”

He’s not gonna let me go. I can see it in his eyes. And now that my story is finished, well… I might not take him out, but at least I can leave a few scratches on his face: I’ve almost managed to work my hands free. Just a few more minutes…

It’s difficult to decipher the look on his face. Fear? Nah, that can’t be it. Pity, maybe. “Aw,” he says after a short pause. “That’s a nice story. I’ll make sure to tell him if I ever run into Sammy-boy. Hell, it almost made me feel for you. But,” he continues with a creepy smile that doesn’t reach his eyes at all, “I’m still gonna eat’cha!”

What??? His statement takes a moment to reach my brain, I mean, really reach my brain, and in that short time a second, pointy, set of teeth has descended over his normal ones, except that is impossible and I definitely need to get my head checked.

I blink, and he’s moved to my throat – what the hell? Does this dude think he’s a vampire or something? Ow! That really hurts! I think I’m bleeding, and… Suddenly he flinches, and he looks up at me with hungry eyes and a wicked grin. “Don’t go anywhere,” he says and there’s blood dribbling down from the corner of his mouth. I giggle. He’s a messy eater – I think I’m gonna throw up, or faint, or… yeah, fainting sounds good right now, and I can sorta feel the floor crash into my head as I topple off the chair, but I really don’t care. I just wanna rest. This has been a crazy day!

When I come to, I’m lying on my back and there’s someone standing over me, pressing something to my neck. I don’t think it’s the same guy.

“Hey, hey… there you go. Wake up. Can you do that for me? Open your eyes?”

His voice is pleasant and feels kinda familiar, but I can’t place it, and I’m too tired to ask. But I do as he tells me, because I want to make him happy; blink a couple of times and shake my head – ow, that hurts!

“Careful. You’ve lost a bit of blood, and you hit your head pretty hard. But you were lucky. That sonofabitch didn’t have time to make a proper incision, so he only drank a little…”

What the hell is he talking about? Oh. Yeah. Crazyboy. The one I thought were going to show me a good time, but instead tried to… eat me. Excellent. I groan and scoot up so the pain in my back goes away.

The skin is raw where the rope cut into me, and I rub it gently, whining from the pain. Nimble hands put a bandage over the cut on my neck, and I try to stretch a bit.

“Sit still, please. I gotta see your hands too.” His fingers brush gently over the bruises, and he wraps a strip of fabric around my wrist. To protect me from infection, I guess, but I get a sudden flash of being tied down, and throw my hands up. I don’t know, maybe I hope to punch him in the nose or something.

He backs away and holds up his own hands. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you. I won’t hurt you. I promise.”

Looking up at my saviour through shielding hands, I see kindness in his eyes. He is oddly familiar, and though I think I’m supposed to be terrified, and I am, I feel unusually calm and collected.

Then I spot the other guy over his shoulder and the world grounds to a halt. Looking from one to another, back and forth, my mind spins so fast I get dizzy. Could this be real? I know I’m not dreaming... but… Standing in the doorway with a goddamn machete swung nonchalantly over his shoulder, is Dean. Dean from my dreams. Brother of…

“Sam?” I whisper, scared that he’ll disappear once I’ve said his name out loud.

He looks at me, the confusion evident in his face – that face I’ve never seen before this moment, but that I’ve loved with all of my heart. His brows knit together, and his lips part slightly – my god, those lips… and he kneels beside me. The cogs in his brain turn furiously. I can see it. Then he lights up. “Y/N?”

“What, Y/N? Like Y/N?” Dean drops the machete and hurries over.

Unable to keep a smile from my face, I nod and roll onto my knees. Before I can stack my feet under me, Sam takes my hand and pulls me up.

“Y/N…” he repeats almost inaudibly. “I half thought you didn’t exist at all.”

Sam smiles at me and my heart soar. It’s like coming home after a long and gruelling hike in the woods. I can relax. And breathe.

I lean closer and Sam follows suit. The moment our foreheads touch, I swear angels sing – even if it sounds tacky!

“This is so weird,” Sam whispers, sending shivers through my whole body. “We just met, but I’ve known you since… always…”

Just as I’m about to answer with something really cheesy, Dean appears in the corner of my eye. “Oooh! Are you gonna kiss now?”

Sam’s face contorts into an expression only ever seen on fed-up little brothers, but I grin widely and reply: “Bitch, we might.”

My lovely tag crew:

@awesomeahwu @brynleewolfe @funwithfanfics @babeinthebowtie @savingapplepie-eatingthings @winchesterprincessbride @savvythedork @littlegreenplasticsoldier @youtubehelpsmesurvive @blackcherrywhiskey @mrswhozeewhatsis @schwarzwaelder-kirschtorte @aiaranradnay @fandomismyspiritanimal @barneybrigade  @mogaruke @wstrumpel @whovianextrodinare @hennessy0274-blog @sushi-senpai-chan @tardis-is-mine @badasssweetsrebel @jensensjaredsandmishaslover @megasimpleplan4ever @wh1sp3r1ng-impala  @iamreadinginsecret

[artificialqueens]

Words I Long To Hear chapter 2 (shalaska) - indie

A/N: Thank you so so so so so much to anyone who liked or showed support for this little ficlet that will be. And thank you so much to the nonny who pointed out my font emphasis issues. :P You’re all wonderful and I love you.  That being said, on to chapter two. Any feedback is welcome and appreciated. :)

Alaska had spent a lifetime wondering who was behind the name etched across her ribcage.  Now she knew. Right now, in this moment, she was sat across from the person she was supposed to love. Sharon Needles. She wanted to be elated. She wanted to jump for joy. She wanted to ecstatically and emphatically shout through a megaphone that she and Sharon were meant to be together. Sharon was beautiful. Breathtaking in the most bizarrely nontraditional way possible and Alaska already knew loving her was going to be the easiest thing she’d ever done. If Sharon would let her. The look on Sharon’s face and the bitterness in her tone, the dark blob scribbled across Sharon’s wrist had Alaska deflating - slow and painful like a balloon with a hole too small to find. She was half relieved and excited because she’d found the person who was supposed to be her soulmate. She was also half terrified that her soulmate wasn’t going to want her.

It was a rare occurrence, but not everyone wound up with their soulmate in spite of the tattoos. Some people fought the attraction. Some people found their soulmate when they’d already found a love with someone else and figured “if I’m happy with what I have why should I want anything more?” Sometimes the love you found before can’t withstand the draw of a soulmate once they’re found. Alaska supposed now that maybe the soulmate connection wasn’t an instant one like she’d always believed. At least not on both ends. She felt immediately drawn to Sharon, but Sharon clearly wasn’t drawn to her.

The bell rang and Alaska leaned against a locker outside of the room she and Detox had exited, watching as Katya and Sharon made their way to first period.

“My soulmate totally hates me,” Alaska whined as soon as they were out of earshot, pushing herself off the locker and  laying her head on Detox’s shoulder with a frown. Detox wrapped an arm around her best friend, laid her head on top of Alaska’s and sighed a little, watching as their ice breaker partners and Alaska’s soulmate sauntered down the hallway. Alaska didn’t notice, but Detox caught Sharon turning around to look at them.

“I don’t know about that,” Detox said, amused.

“Maybe there’s another Sharon Needles  somewhere in the world?”

“Doubtful, girl. Sharon Needles is a one of kind type of name for a one of a kind type of girl.”

“Are you hitting on my soulmate right now? She’s gorgeous, I know, but really Detox?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Detox said between laughs.. “Let’s go to class before you slip further into existential crisis.”

Alaska heaved a heavy sigh and lifted her head from  Detox’s shoulders and nodded. She already knew she’d be spending the entire period thinking about Sharon. How exactly was she supposed to tell her that they were soulmates? Was that the kind of thing you could just blurt out right away? And, more importantly, what was Alaska going to do if there actually was another Sharon Needles in the world? Or worse, if they were soulmates and Sharon just didn’t want her?

—-

Fuck. She shouldn’t have turned around. She should have just kept walking straight to chemistry. Sharon told herself it  didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that Alaska had said her word in a way she’d never heard them spoken before. In a whiny, high-pitched drawl that Sharon found endearing for no reason. It didn’t matter that looking at Alaska made the whole world go silent around the two of them, even if it was only for a second. It didn’t matter that Alaska’s fun fact that she eventually said was her favorite color being black had Sharon’s heart beating the slightest bit faster in her chest. It didn’t matter because Alaska hadn’t said anything. And now her head was all over Detox’s shoulder and Detox’s arm was around her and it didn’t matter that that made Sharon’s stomach drop into her shoes or make her want to fight someone. The disappointment came crashing down on her in a wave. She told herself the hurt of seeing someone she felt so connected to hang all over someone else had Sharon’s stomach twisted into knots to the point of nausea didn’t matter. None of it mattered.

“You okay, Sharon? You look paler than usual,” Katya said as they settled into their seats.

“I’’m fine, Katya,” Sharon replied, her voice kept as free of emotion as she could manage even though there was a lump quickly forming in her throat. She inhaled a deep breath and exhaled, opening her chemistry book so she could pretend like she was listening to anything the teacher at the front of the room was droning on about.

—

The rest of the day went by in a blur of anxiety, stress and trying not to think about Alaska until the final bell rang and Sharon stumbled across Phi Phi outside.

“So what kind of name is Alaska anyway?” Phi Phi asked Jiggly as she walked by Alaska and Detox smoking.

“A great one,” Alaska replied without missing a beat before taking a drag of her cigarette.

“You look like a cheap, slutty, wanna be barbie, Alaska,” Phi Phi said.

“Stop,” Alaska said, annoyed.

“What are you going to do about it you trashy mess?”

“You’re disgusting,” Jiggly tacked on..

Detox raised a brow. “Excuse me?”

Every impulse control Sharon never claimed to have gave up doing its job all at once and Sharon found herself standing between Phi Phi and Alaska. Phi Phi looked taken aback for only a moment before Sharon’s knuckles were colliding with her face at full force. Every ounce of anger at Alaska and Detox, every ounce of disappointment and hurt she felt for not finding love again and for letting herself get so caught up in some girl she didn’t even know, everything she’d felt for this entire fucking day of hell was channeled into hurting Phi Phi.

“What the fuck Sharon!?” Jiggly shouted as Phi Phi stumbled backward holding her cheek.

“Don’t talk about Alaska like that,” Sharon said simply. She’s beautiful.  “She’s new.”

Phi Phi and Jiggly looked at Sharon for a moment before glancing at Alaska and practically running back inside, presumably to the nurse’s office.

“Crazy fucking bitch,” muttered Phi Phi.

Alaska stood there with her cigarette hanging lazily out of her mouth, staring at Sharon in utter disbelief and completely in love. Sharon turned to meet Alaska’s eyes and her heart beat faster in her chest. It’s just adrenaline, Needles.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Detox was the one to break the silence, glancing at Sharon. “I was going-”

“Ignore Detox,” Alaska said stepping a bit closer to Sharon after she’d finally managed to find the ability to speak. “Thank you, Sharon.”

Alaska moved forward to hug Sharon without a second thought and every nerve in Sharon’s body caught fire as she wrapped her arms around Alaska for a moment and squeezed, trying to ignore the way they fit together effortlessly, the way her scent was practically intoxicating.

Sharon smiled for the first time all day and shook her head as she pulled away a second later. “Don’t- Don’t worry about it, Alaska. Phi Phi and Jiggly are bitches. You don’t deserve their shit.”

“Are you saying you do? I heard them laugh at you this morning. After I-”

Sharon cut Alaska off. “I’ve been dealing with their shit since middle school. It’s not a big deal. They shouldn’t bother you anymore. Have a good day you two.” 

“Sharon, wait-” Alaska started.

“Like I said, Alaska, don’t worry about it.”

Sharon tried to force herself to smile, but failed. Instead, she turned and walked away, her skin still tingling from every place her body had pressed against Alaska. This time she didn’t turn around. 

[harrycherrylips]

Chapter 61 (ow)

{Lucy}

I accepted this invitation because I wanted to see my friend. Cassie is freaking out because she can't find something to wear for the New Year's party. We have been walking a lot through some stores but none of them are good enough for my friend.

"Do you like this?" She asks as soon as she walks out the dressing room. I yawn but nod. "Liar," she growls and then gets into the dressing room.

Sometimes I feel it is a waste of time to go with her to shopping but at least we have the opportunity to talk and spend a good time together. Mandy didn't come, she told us she already had her clothes and she was busy with Ryan. It is weird that those two are together.

"I need a good dress!" Cassie moans in frustration when we left another store.

I softly pat her back to cheer her up. "We'll make it,"

"Thanks for inviting me by the way, if it wasn't for you Lucy I don't know what would I do,"

"You're welcome, and it was Harry because he invited me,"

"Jake Sullivan is so hot and I cannot believe we are going to his place,"

"Yeah, I guess he's handsome"

"You guess? Don't be blind," her eyes spotted something across the street. "Let's go into that store, come!" She dragged me and we crossed the street.

We get into the store and Cassie squeals, that means she likes this place. I follow behind her while she's looking some clothes and hands me the ones she likes. I'm like her assistant every time she goes shopping, I am holding her clothes until we go to the dressing room.

"I've heard that Jake Sullivan's house is huge,"

Jake Sullivan is a rich kid and one of the most popular on the school and why? He's handsome and is one of the best basketball players that our school has. Harry invited me and I had to invite Cassie, Mandy is going too because Ryan invited her. I invited Marcel but he had his own party with his friends. I want to go to Marcel's party, I'm sure it will be fun but there is no time and I don't think Harry would like the idea.

"I heard he has a big pool, I'll have my bikini on my bag just in case,"

"Cassie we are not in summer besides why would you wear a dress? It's cold, "

"Dress or die. Wait a second, what are you going to use for the party tomorrow?" She scanned me from head to toe, squinting her eyes.

"Ahm? Something like this maybe?" I'm wearing a sweater, jeans and shoes.

"Are you kidding me? No way,"

"I'm not going to buy anything," I growled.

"Then I'll buy it for you," she shot back.

"I don't want--"

"I don't care Lucy you have to look hot at least tomorrow," I let out a groan and Cassie turns her eyes to me, " and you have to shave,"

"What? Again? "

"It is the duty of a woman!"

"Hair removal is a way to submit under the laws of--"

"I don't care! You want to look like a Chewbacca or what?" I cross my arms, frowning and Cassie does the same. No, I don't want to look like Chewbacca but I don't want to say yes. "So it's said, I'll show you dresses and you have to choose one and then we're going to waxing," Cassie applauds excited and starts walking.

"Only the legs right?" Cassie looks at me with a smile and for the way she's looking me I know that not only are the legs.

"Oh Lucy my dear your vagina too," WHAT!?

"But it will hurt a lot!" I groan, imagining the pain, God, is such a sensitive part!

"If you want then don't do it everything so you will not have a Barbie pussy," Cassie laughs and I don't understand her comment. "Anyway the thing is you have to do it, okay?"

I sigh, my fingers rubbing my temples. This is frustrating.

"Also it worth when you have a boy doing wonders down there," Cassie smiles naughty and I roll my eyes with flushed cheeks.

"What are you trying to say?" I asked narrowing my eyes at her. Cassie shows me a dress and I shake my head, she growls and throws it back to where it was.

"Nothing but tell me how's your sex life with Harry?"

"It's too soon,"

"Five months is too soon? Are you kidding?"

"Six months actually,"

"Six? Oh my God you're killing Harry, "

"What? No, of course not. He never tried anything or talked about it, "

"Oh my god!" Cassie almost yells. "You have Harry f.ucking Styles and you haven't even seen his penis, seriously? Lucy please, do it for the people who want him sexually"

"Please shut up," I bury my face in my hands, my cheeks are two tomatoes and this conversation is making me nervous.

"Okay I'll shut but you have to move darling, be more sassy and more sexy," I roll my eyes. "Trying something new is not going to kill you, you would be surprised about the things you can do without having sex with him but if you two are still together a few months more then you will have to—"

"I know, I know. I don't care a lot about this, I mean it's not a big deal for me, but I don't want to be a virgin until marriage if that's what you think, I'm just scared, ve-very scared, "

"Why? You're pretty," Pretty? Is this a joke?

"I-I just don't feel comfortable with my body and myself," I confess with my gaze on some clothes in front of me.

"Sometimes I feel the same but you need to have more personality and believe in yourself, at the end of the day what matters is you," I feel Cassie's hand on my shoulder and I just nod.

Her words don't help me, I don't feel more comfortable with my body or myself and I don't know if I will ever feel good about it.

"I'm sorry if I'm annoying okay?" I look at Cassie and she gives me a small smile. "I just want you to look beautiful tomorrow, don't you want to? Wouldn't you like to Harry drool for you?"

Would I like to? I don't know. "I-I guess so," I answer only to make her happy.

"See? Tomorrow you'll look great. Well, I want you to smile because this will be a great day of shopping and beauty, "she squeals excited and I just sigh, it will be a long day.

+

It's New Year and I can't believe the year flew by so fast. I am completely grateful for everything and I am very happy. The atmosphere in the house is spectacular; we watch the fireworks and my eyes only see happy faces and no enmity between Mike and mom, that's all I need to start the year in a good way. Madison ignored me but I honestly couldn't care less, she asked me if I was going to the party and I answer yes and I think she didn't like the idea but I don't care because I won't spend this night with her.

I'm eager to see Harry tonight; I'm also excited to go to the party which is weird coming from someone like me. Christmas was spectacular, the best Christmas I have ever spent. We listened to the Beatles, we laughed and I had the opportunity to get to know him little more. Harry is interesting on so many levels and I like when he is mysterious. At Christmas he asked me if he could stay at my place and I agreed. At first I hesitated but it was a good decision. It was magical to be next to him, stay close to his warmth, trace my fingers through his skin and kiss him whenever I wanted. I like him and I like him a lot. It scares me sometimes the way I can't control my heartbeat when he is close to me but I also like it because I don't want to stop feeling like this, I want Harry in my life and now more than ever.

"I cannot believe that my baby Lucy is wearing a dress," my mom says excitedly as she enters my room. It is the tenth time she says that and is the tenth time she is hugging me tonight.

I'm wearing a black dress with a few cream stripes, it has no neckline, is sleeveless and the fabric falls to a few inches above my knee.

Cassie wanted to force me to wear heels but I refused, I'm wearing a black ballerina flats, it is better this way no risk of tripping or sore feet. My mom helped me make some waves on my hair and I feel so comfortable with that. Cassie and my mother wanted to do my makeup but I refused all I accepted was a pink lipstick that matched with my skin color.

"You look beautiful, don't know what else to say!" Mom is excited and I think she's going to cry.

"Mom, it's just a dress," I half smile.

"Harry will pick you up?" I muttered a' yes' as a response. "Fine, Mike and I are going to a party, we'll be here at the morning."

"I'll stay with Cassie,"

"All right, I trust you Lucinda," mom kisses my forehead and walks toward the door. "Darling one more question are you on your period?" I shake my head, her question is weird. "Well then do you need condoms?"

"What? No mom!" I answer with flushed cheeks.

"Are you sure? Because I could give you some, "

"Mom I'm fine, really,"

"I just want you to take care and be careful Lucinda,"

"I know Mom and I appreciate it but no thank you,"

Mom sighed and nodded. "I know you don't want to tell me but I know you're with Harry, you know?"

"We're not together, he's just my friend, really,"

"Mothers always know everything Lucinda. Send a message when you get to the party right? I want to know you're okay, "she says before saying goodbye to me, after that I'm alone in my room.

I know it has been months and still I don't want to tell my mother about Harry and me, I don't feel comfortable about it.

I hear music from Madison's room and some voices and laughter, her friends are here getting ready for Jake's party. His house must be huge because apparently a lot of people from school are going.

I get a message from Harry and he is here. I gulp and I take a deep breath. I grab my bag and my jacket and I run downstairs. You look good, don't be nervous.

I close the door of my house, I put my jacket and then I make my way to his black Jeep. I open the car door and there is Harry, sitting in the driver's seat, so relaxed, handsome and mysterious as always, dressed all in black and with a green bandana. He looks different but so cute. He gives me a small, innocent smile, showing his teeth, and I do the same while I get into the car.

"A dress? What is going on? "He asks with a playful smile and rests a hand on my thigh. I try not to overreact and just rest my hand on his.

"It was ​​Cassie's idea, I didn't want it but she forced me,"

"Sorry about that and you look...fine," he answered without looking at me.

The smile on my face disappears for a few seconds...fine? Just fine? I'm embarrassed and I knew I shouldn't be wearing this dress. I sigh in frustration and I look down.

Before we go to the party we have to pick up Cassie. She gets into the car full of energy and with a few cans of beer, she hands one to Harry and this time I accept a beer. Harry gives me a puzzled look but says nothing about the beer.  Cassie talks a lot so the trip to Jake's house is not boring either silent. I drink my beer in small sips, is not very good but it is not that bad.

As Harry drives to our destination I realize that we are going the way out of town there's only expensive houses and I'm not surprised that Jake lives there. Once we left the city I can only see forests, big trees and darkness. It wasn't difficult to get to Jake's house, is not really a house is a mansion and I can't believe his parents left him alone in the house. There are many cars parked outside the house, many people are sharing beers, shouting, laughing and that's all I see from the outside I don't even want to imagine what is happening inside.

I send a message to my mother and we got out of the car. Cassie doesn't say anything but I know that she's screaming on the inside, it is her first time here and she was very excited about this party. Harry released my hand and gives me a quick kiss when we arrived at the entrance of the house.

"I'll leave you with Cassie, see you in a while," my mouth drops to the floor and he didn't even notice my expression, he turns around and disappears into the crowd. I am shocked and sad--

"Great! Just the two of us! Let's go inside!" Cassie grabs my hand and drags me into the house. "This place is huge and beautiful!"

She's right, it's a beautiful mansion, there are not many furniture so I guess Jake hid it. We headed to the kitchen with Cassie and alcohol is free because there is too much. I decide to grab another beer and Cassie drinks vodka.

"I need to find a guy, meet someone and forget Matt you know? Now I hate him, he's an idiot," Cassie sighs and drinks small sips of her vodka.

"You'll find someone, you look great tonight Cassie," I commented quietly.

"I hope so and you too! Black is your color Lucy! Hey tell me! What did Harry say about your dress?"Cassie looks at me with a big smile.

"He said I looked fine,"

"Fine? What the f..uck?" Cassie growls. "Idiot, you look beautiful. You see why I hate men? Never know how to treat a woman well." I think Cassie is overreacting but I can understand her, she's still angry about Matt and what he did.

"Hey look! It's Mandy, Mandy!" Cassie screams raising one arm and with her free hand she pulls and we walked.

Mandy waves at us and we hug each other. Ryan kisses my cheek and I smile at him. Mandy's dress is beautiful but she doesn't look too happy. We chatted a while and then Ryan leaves. Mandy tells us that things are not going well between them but she doesn't get into detail, she doesn't want to talk about it I know.

"Let's dance!" Says Mandy and Cassie nods.

"Ahm, I-I don't want to," I refuse once we're on the dance floor.

"Oh come on Lucy, don't be boring!" Cassie frowns.

"I need an energy drink, be right back okay?"

"You just need to relax and drink vodka!" Cassie hands me her glass but I shake my head.

"It's okay Lucy we'll stay here," Mandy smiles at me and I think she understands that I really don't want to, I don't even like dancing. I mouthed 'thank you' before I run away from my friends.

I call Marcel and I wish him a happy new year, I want to be with him now that I'm alone in this party. We talked and laughed for a while, I love my friend Marcel he's such a good boy. After hanging up I decide to explore the house.

There are like two living room in this house, I try not to bump or push anyone. Some people are playing a game with a ball and glasses, I decided to watch them and it's very interesting. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn around to find a blond boy. Eric.

"Happy new year! How are you Lucy?" He smirks. I remember what Harry said about him, I need to ignore Eric. I turn on my heel and walked in the opposite direction. "Now you're going to ignore me?" I hear his voice behind me and I keep walking. "I bet Harry told his pet Lucy not to talk to me,"

I stop right away and look at him, did he call me pet? "I'm not his pet, I-I just want to get away from you because you're trying to use me,"

"Why would I want to use you? I don't see your point,"

"You hate Harry and you want me against him,"

"That's what Harry makes you think. Yes, I hate him, but I gain nothing with you against him. Believe me darling Harry won't miss you once you leave him."

His words are rough and he's being too cruel. Harry left me alone about 40 minutes ago and I haven't heard from him. I understand he needs his space but Eric's words are starting to make sense in my mind and I hate it.

"You know nothing about us, now leave me alone," I warn and start walking again, this time he doesn't follow me and I sigh in relief. I still hold the beer in my hand so I decide to drink it, I do it fast and the taste is not so bad.

I explore the house and find a room that has a pool table, there is also a sauna and a corridor with many rooms. I call Marcel but he didn't answer, I dial Adam's number but there is no answer. I hide under a table and play with my phone, once I get bored I get out of my hiding place and I search for my friends, I just hope they are not dancing anymore.

"Brownie, brownie! Anyone want brownie? "I hear a male voice and my eyes spotted a guy who has a tray with pieces of brownie. "They are magical!"

I see Cassie walking towards the boy and she takes a brownie. Cassie's eyes meet mine and she waves at me.

"You need to try this Lucy is very delicious!"

"I made them," replies the boy proud of himself. "Try one, it's free and magical," he smiles.

"Thank you," I whispered with a piece of brownie in my hand.

"You will need another one," Cassie grabs another piece of brownie and hands it to me. I bite it and it has a good flavor, chocolate has a slightly strange taste but not bad.

"It's very good, thank you,"

"My pleasure, I hope you enjoy my magic brownies," And then he walks away and people follow him just to eat his brownies.

"It's weird the fact that he's giving brownie to people," I tell Cassie while I'm still eating the brownie. Now it has a better flavor and God, it's delicious.

"I know right? Just keep eating," she says, chewing her piece of brownie.

I ate the two pieces, it was delicious. I didn't understand why he said it was magic, it didn't make sense to me but after two hours the world starts to get slower before my eyes and I finally realized why those brownies were magical.

"Oh my God, I'm high," I muttered resting my hand against the wall and I turn to look at Cassie and she is no longer with me.

My eyes land on my hand and I can see the details so clearly , I stare at my hand for minutes until someone pushes me. Once I'm out of that little trance my eyes scanned the place, I see strong colors and it's so magical. I laugh and I feel...happy, ridiculously happy. Now I want to dance, I want to run, jump, scream, hug someone and feel the heat on my skin, my God I want do everything!

I run through these people, feeling a slight cold wind and my heart pounding. I stumble with a guy who is leaning against the wall, he's drinking beer and using his cell phone.

"Be careful, are you okay?" He asks concerned and helps me to get up off the ground. He hands me my glasses and I smiled at him.

"I'm fine! Want to dance? "

"Me? Um, okay," I grabbed his hand and we headed to the dance floor. He tells me his name but I forget quickly, he dances very well and we laugh every time he tells a joke, this guy is pretty funny.

He guides me to a place where I can keep my jacket and after that we go for a beer. He drinks the liquid and I rest the can on my forehead. Cold beer on my skin feels amazing. I place it on my cheeks and giggle, my senses are acute.

He asks for my name and we talk about the weather, the city, cars and many things. Minutes, hours, an eternity, I don't know how much we talk but it was for a long time. I laugh at his words and I feel cold fingers on the skin of my shoulder. I'm sure it's Eric again, I don't want to hear him.

"Leave me alone!" I yell slapping his hand away from me. My mind lied to me and is not Eric who is in front of me is Harry.

"Lucy where were you? I've been calling you thanks for answering" he says with a frown but his eyes...his eyes are red.

"Oh my God!" I giggle and Harry raises an eyebrow. "You are high!"

"You too from what I see," he growls not very pleased but I don't care.

"I met someone! I forgot his name but this is the guy," I turn around and point to my new friend. He smiles a bit and I don't understand why he looks scared at Harry.

"Go away," Harry grunts, grabbing my hand and the guy disappear from our view.

"Oh my god, I swear he disappeared," I muttered looking at where the boy was. "Harry he's gone, he disappeared I think he was a wizard,"

"I think you're right, I didn't see him walk he...he just disappeared."

We were looking for minutes the place where the boy was, we snapped out of the trance when we hear the screams of some boys in the kitchen.

"I'm really high," I step back a little dizzy.

"What happened to you? Who did that? Why you get high every time I leave you alone? "He rolls his eyes.

"I ate a brownie and this is the second time it happens," I roll eyes mimicking his expression.

"You need to go to bed," he says and starts to pull me out of the kitchen.

"No, no!" I scream and Harry looks at me with his green eyes and it's so green that I need to go take a step back. "I don't want to go to bed, I'm fine and happy and you are ruining my happiness and you should--" Harry covers my mouth and his arm pulled me toward him.

"Lucy you're screaming, calm down," he warns me and then his hands released me.

"I feel great, for the first time I'm feeling really good about myself and you're ruining my happiness..." I say with furrowed eyebrows. I pull away from his grip and he looks at me surprised, green eyes wide open.

"Okay, I'm sorry," his hands are up in the air as a sign of redemption. "What do you want to do?" He asks extending a hand to me, which I immediately grabbed it.

"Everything Harry! This place is huge, we can explore and have adventures here," Harry giggles at my words.

"Calm down, before the adventure we need to drink something, you're sweating Lucy, are you thirsty?"

Suddenly I feel my throat dry and I have no saliva on my mouth ad tongue and I'm dying of thirst and I didn't even notice. "Yes, please"

Harry pours water and we drank like 3 glasses of water. Once we finished we get out of the kitchen and explore the first floor. There is a group of guys playing poker and they allow us to join. Despite being drugged I win every game and once we got bored we left the cards on the tables.

"If the game was with money you would have took everything from those idiots," Harry says and I nod. "Lucy I know it's weird but... um, do you want to dance?" Do I want to? I want it all!

I pull Harry's hand and in five seconds we are on the dance floor. To our good fortune they are playing very good songs. We dance a lot, we invented our own steps and sometimes we stumbled across someone.

I feel my skin burn, every little piece of my skin is on fire and the air becomes incredibly hot around us. Harry's eyes never leave mine and a few drops of sweat sliding down his forehead but he looks so...sexy, handsome and attractive.

After a few seconds the place is very hot and I am barely able to breathe properly. I squeeze Harry's hand gently and he understands my message. We slipped between people and we get lost on the first floor until we go to what I think is the backyard. The icy air embraces my skin and I feel much better.

"We suck at dancing,"

"I-I think you looked very hot," Harry slid a hand around my waist and I guess I blushed.

"Let's explore!" I squeal pulling his hand.

The backyard has a different type of music and there are some people in bikini, I look around until I spot a pool, Cassie was right. It's weird but the night is not cold so I guess that's the reason why people are in the pool.

"It's a mysterious world," I whispered. "What do you think Harry?"

"I don't know, too many bikinis," he mumbles and I look at him, pissed off. "You're the only one," he smiles innocently and I ignore him, I'm too happy to say something.

"I want to run,"

"Go, I will wait for you here," Harry releases my hand and I start running.

The backyard didn't look so big but now I'm running I realize that is huge. I don't feel my feet and my breathing is deep and cold. My lungs hurt a bit but I ignore it. I run and run and feel like I'm floating. I stop after a few minutes and I sit on the grass.

Some girls pass me wearing dresses and they jump into the pool. They splash some water on me but I don't move. The pool is huge and the color of the water is very intense and makes me dizzy.

I look down and the grass is slightly wet. The sky is filled with some stars and the wind is blowing lightly and tenderly caressing my skin. It feels great, I love it because I am different, because I'm not myself, I feel happy and less worried about the whole world.

I spotted Eric talking to a girl across the pool, she's in a bikini so I assume that she has come out of the pool a few seconds ago. Eric laughs with her while she's drinking from his glass. I don't like Eric, he is evil, he should fall into the pool. For a moment I thought the gods had heard my thoughts because someone pushes Eric and the boy falls into the pool.

"Leave my girl alone!" I hear a male voice.

"F..uck you Styles!" Eric yells once his head is on the surface.

Styles? I look at both sides and see Harry running towards me, he sits next to me and giggles. Eric hates him and this could end wrong. I keep watching him for a few seconds but I can't help it and I join in with the laughter.

"He deserved it, that's my nice way to threaten him, he needs to leave you alone," Harry said once we stop laughing.

Eric gets out of the pool, all wet, and his eyes meet Harry, Eric looks pissed off but does nothing. I don't understand I was expecting a fight, a bit of blood but nothing. Eric leaves with the girl and I guess that is why he didn't come here to yell at Harry.

"Come here," I feel Harry's fingers on my back and I obey. I lay next to him and he wrapped his arm over my body.

I don't know about Harry but I can't hear anything around, I let myself go in the amount of stars that are in the sky. I stretch my hand and I would like to feel the heat of the stars or be lost in the universe. Harry grabs my hand and intertwined our fingers. We were a few minutes like this until I start to shake because it's cold.

"Where is your jacket Lucy?"

"I don't know, I think I lost it,"

"I have an idea," Harry sits and I do the same. "You want to do something crazy for the last time?"

"Sure," I nod my head with excitement, I'm still high, everything feels great and my senses are acute to perfection. Harry gets up and gets rid of his jacket.

"Get up and leave your phone here with my jacket," I obey, leaving my phone and glasses in the pocket of his jacket. Both get rid of our shoes and then Harry grabs my hand and smiles. "Let's jump into the pool"

The normal version of myself would never do this because I might catch cold, because it's freezing or because of the dress but honestly I don't care. Harry counts to three and then we run and jump into the water.

I begin to swim between bodies and it's like a new world. I pull my head from the water and I hear Harry calling my name. He swims towards me, I splashed water at him and Harry does the same. I go underwater and swim, Harry follows me but I'm quick. I take a deep breath and go back to underwater, I feel like a mermaid while I move my legs and arms. I swim and swim, I forget Harry for a few seconds until his hand grab my ankle. We get our heads out of the water and I forget for a second that this real world exists.

"God you swam a lot, I was worried about you,"

"I'm a mermaid," I whispered with a smile and Harry giggles.

"Well mermaid, let's get out of the pool." I obey and we left the pool, our skins begin to lose the temperatures once we're out.

"So fun," I commented as Harry guides me through the crowd. He grabs a bottle and pours water, he gave it to me and then we headed somewhere. We walked among the people, music very loud in our ears but slowly they begin to disappear. I blink a few times adjusting my vision and we are in a hallway.

"We left a path of drops, we're all wet."

"Never mind," I hear the sound of keys, after that Harry opens a door. What? "I know Jake, he lent me this room,"

I turn on the lamp on the nightstand, the room is quite big and there is a double bed. My wet feet lead me to the closet and there aren't many clothes, maybe this is a guess room. I make my way back to the bed, I get off my shoes I climbed on the bed and I start jumping.

"Lucinda you're wet get off the bed!"

"This is so cool!" I sang while jumping. A small breeze invades my body, my hair floats in the air like me. I feel like a little girl.

"Fu.ck I can see your panties from here. You need to change your clothes now, come here, "I ignore him and keep jumping. "Don't make me go there Lucinda,"

I growl as I get off the bed. I stand in front of Harry and he extends a shirt to me, I slap his hand and the garment is dropped to the floor. He looks at me with a frown and his eyes look dangerous but never have been so hot to me. Harry is still wearing his wet clothes and little drops are falling from his hair. Suddenly I realize that tonight was wonderful but our skins are cool and we haven't shared any romantic moment together, we need to get warm.

"Kiss me...but don't be gentle, Harry," I let the words out of my mouth in a whisper. Harry blinks for a few seconds but then he comes to me and connected our lips and my god, it feels like fire, fire on our lips.

I don't know how we get there but Harry pushed me against the bed. I let out a chuckle, the mattress sinks for his weight and our eyes meet. My mouth still burns and I want Harry, I want more of him, my whole body craves for that. When he kisses me again, I let out a sigh of relief, this feels great, Harry's kiss never felt this way.

"This dress," Harry kisses my jaw and then my neck, "makes you look very sweet, Lucy."

"Sweet?" I giggle at his choice of words, sweet sounds like I'm food, a dessert.

"So sweet," he murmurs against my skin and then he pulls away. He gets rid of his wet shirt and a few drops fall on my face. "What Lucy?" He asks, a smile playing on his lips.

I stare at his tattoos, all his tattoos and his skin, I love the color of his skin. He looks so handsome that it hurts, my fingers ache to touch him, feel him.

"Kiss me again,"

"I have an idea, I want to do something with you," Harry whispered, his hands caressing my thighs. "It will be something special,"

"Spe-special?" I stutter, feeling Harry's hands lifting my dress up to my waist. He spreads my legs, settling himself between my tights. His eyes look at me for a few seconds and then down to my underwear. "I-I don't understand," I'm lost, confused and I really don't understand. Harry crawls towards me with his body between my legs.

"Little Lucy," he murmurs against my lips.

His kiss is soft but I don't want it to be soft, I want to fire. His hand caresses my thigh and when I think I know what he means with his words it's too late. I hold my breath when I feel his cold fingers touched me over the fabric.

"I want to touch you," he leaves a trail of kisses on my neck and then it fades away and I feel it again but in my right thigh. I lift my head, resting my weight on my elbows to see Harry doing the same. "I'm to touch you so bad," he smacks his lips.

"Harry I-I cannot think straight," I managed to say looking at him smiling against the skin of my thigh.

"Don't move," he orders ignoring my words.

"Ha-Harry," my voice is weak when I feel his breath fan over me. No, no. "Harry I--" I couldn't continue, I bite my lower lip when I feel his warm, wet tongue against my crotch, is over the fabric of my panties but I can clearly feel the sensation. I try to close my legs but he didn't let me, Harry is way stronger than me.

"Let me do this little Lucy," he whispers, his fingers clinging to my underwear. "Come on baby," I feel his tongue on me and I bite my lower lip harder.

My brain is not working properly but I can remember what Cassie said. I can't have sex with Harry, not yet but Cassie told me we could do other things. Drugs make me feel brave, free and I feel like...I'm capable of this.

Harry doesn't wait for my answer, his fingers slowly pulling down my underwear as my hands start to sweat. My heart pumps hard when my underwear disappears and falls to the ground. God, I should kick him, scream and run away from here but my mind and my body won't let me and I feel that I want to be right here and right now.

"Take off your dress,"

"Why?"

"It's wet, you're soaking all over the bed,"

"Then you should take off your pants because you're soaking all over the bed too,"

Harry curved his lips into a smile, "it seems fair to me,"

I sit on the bed and I take my dress off while Harry takes off his pants, we locked eyes as we do it and I feel chills go through my body. I watch in awe as his fingers glide across his hair, he's so handsome and so...mine.

He crawls towards me and my back rest on the mattress. Harry connected his lips with mine and the kiss is delicious and tempting. My fingers clinging to his hair and Harry gently pressed his fingernails on my skin.

"I'll be gentle," he murmurs against my lips, "I can't wait, you will like it little Lucy," he smirks as he kisses me.

His hands are icy against my skin, his fingers walking on my thighs and when he touches me I can only say one thing: Oh-my-God. He rubs the sensitive area and little moans escape from my lips.

He left a trail of wet kisses down my neck, gently biting my shoulder and then I feel his tongue over my stomach as his fingers are doing wonderful things. God, it feels so good, it feels intensely good. I was really enjoying it until he stops and I let out a whimper. Why Harry?

I was about to complain but my groans are silent when his arms hooked around my thighs and his wet curls tickle my skin. My heart races and I feel his breath on my sensitive area. Oh my god.

"Watch me," he said with a smile on his face before dipping his head between my legs.

His tongue licks my center and my whole body shivers. It's a new sensation traveling through my body that I never thought I could feel. I couldn't control my little moans as Harry does his magic. My body squirmed in bed and Harry's arms pull me towards him, my crotch colliding with him as his tongue sinks in me. The pleasure is so much, so overwhelming that I moan comes out so loud from my lips. God, what is he doing to me?

I try to control myself but it is impossible. What he did with his fingers was excellent but what he's doing with his tongue can't be describe it with words. This new feeling is incredibly delicious and I didn't know people could do that and make you feel so good.

Besides his tongue I feel a finger teasing at my entrance, I let out a soft moan when I felt a slight pain but after that there is only pleasure, so much pleasure.

"Harry," I moan arching my back, I'm in heaven. "Don't st-stop," I tell him and I'm telling the truth, I don't want him to stop.

"My little Lucy," I hear his deep voice vibrating over me and my legs start to shake. Harry sucks and touches me in the right spots to make me moan and arch my back.

I feel a slightly pain and pleasure build up inside of me, is real happiness and freedom is near. I feel like I'm flying, Harry takes me to the top, once I got there my mouth releases a moan with his name on it and then it happens. My body melts and I have my first...orgasm. I am in total awe, I squeeze my eyes as I try to catch my breath.

"Eat you out was a pleasure," I hear Harry's voice but I am not able to react. His arms released my thighs and his body disappears of the mattress.

I open my eyes a few moments later when Harry returns to bed, he hands me the shirt I threw to the floor and I accept it in silence. Harry helps me with the shirt, his fingers sliding down the garment through my body. He asks me if you want water or something else and I refuse, after that he's placed next to me between the sheets and with a smile on his face.

"So?" I blush at his question, I know what he's talking about. The memory of Harry's face between my legs is alive in my mind and makes me blush even more.

"Wow," is all I can say and two emeralds stare at me in surprise before he laughs. I join him and the moment feels perfect.

"Come here," I hear a hoarse whisper in the dark.

His arm wrapped around my waist and he draws my body near to him. My hands are freezing but his torso feels warm. I plant a kiss on his jaw and then I rest my head on his shoulder.

"I'm still high but you're so cute Lucy,"

I close my eyes and smile.

"I'm still high but you're so cute Harry," his chest gently vibrates and I think he is chuckling.

"You're sexy in your own way,"

"You think?" I blush, feeling embarrassed and he nods.

"Yes, I just realized I wanted to do that since I met you,"

"What thing Harry?"

"My tongue between your legs little Lucy," he whispers in the dark and chills travel through my body.

"Oh,"

"Exactly. Why were you shaved? "

"Ahm, was Cassie's idea,"

"God bless Cassie," we chuckled.

For a moment we stay in silence, listening to our hearts and breaths. This intimate moment was magical, it was not dirty it was romantic. I don't want to blame the drugs but I felt so comfortable with myself, now I have only my bra and a shirt and I don't mind the fact I'm not wearing underwear.

It's so peaceful to be here, though we can still hear the music and people this small room is everything to me. My muscles relax and the heat of Harry reassures me, slowly I close my eyes and I think I'll fall asleep.

"Don't fall asleep," I hear his voice and I tilt my head to one side to meet his face.

"Why?"

"I, um, I need you," he answered, bright green eyes looking at me. My heart melts and I want to hug this boy and I don't let him go.

"And you need me for...?"

"I need you to be awake, I need you with me." He needs me.

His words made ​​me feel loved, he makes me feel full right now.

"Stay with me a little longer Lucy," he plants a kiss on my lips. "I-I feel like you're going to disappear soon,"

"I won't, Harry, I'll stay here by your side," I assure him as his hand caresses my back and draws me closer to him.

"Lucy I'm sorry if you disappear," he murmurs with sad eyes. What is happening to him? Maybe it's the drugs. I stroke his face and he kisses my fingers. "I'm sorry Lucy, I'm sorry if you disappear,"

"I'll stay," I snuggle closer to his body and I plant a kiss on his neck. "See? I won't go anywhere," he sighs before pressing his lips against mine.

I would stay with Harry forever if it is necessary.

[fabledtactician]

got tagged by @norwidki that asshole im supposed to study but lbr ill do anything to avoid it B^)

[Rules: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. When you are finished tag 5 people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!!!]

1. Are you named after someone? 

nope im named after marzipan lol

2. When was the last time you cried? 

WHEN I FINISHED FFXV BOY THE TEARS WERE COUNTLESS

3. Do you like your handwriting? 

when i try it looks kinds nice but my letters always slip up and down i cant write in a nice straight line, also the thing is, i rarely even try so usually its just an ugly mess

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? 

what the fuck is lunch meat anyway my fav meat is chicken

5. Do you have kids? 

yes i have a cat her name is seven and shes a lil shit but i LOVE her

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? 

see thats a tricky question bc on one hand WOW finally someone who understands me almost 100% but on the other hand. im a shit friend as is and im p sure i would annoy the living shit out of me so. probably not

7. Do you use sarcasm? 

BOY DO I :) even my mom keeps calling me out on that

8. Do you still have your tonsils? 

uhhhhh yeah

9. Would you bungee jump? 

probably not, if it wasnt upside down id consider it but im too poor anyway

10. What is your favorite kind of cereal? 

corn flakes

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? 

NEVER unless theyre like tight ass sneakers that wont come off if i dont, but usually i wear big comfy shoes that just slide right off, or zipped boots so no problem with laces here

12. Do you think you’re a strong person? 

lmao no, neither physically nor emotionally nor any other way tbh im a limp noodle and my heart is glass

13. What is your favorite ice cream flavor? 

vanilla or chocolate chip

14. What is the first thing you notice about people? 

hair and sometimes overall aesthetic or shape idk if it makes sense??? anyway i dont remember faces until ive met a person 10+ times so i usually go by hair which is. hell

15. Red or pink? 

ehhhhhhh both are okay but not rly my faves

16. What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? 

i think my face doesnt rly match the rest of my body like i look in the mirror and its just my face? NICE when its everything but my face? DAMN NIIICE but combined?? it looks weird its kinda like a mismatched dressup doll

17. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? 

my cool ass edgy grey pants and big beige fluffy xmas slippers, theyre so warm and comfy, ideal for this shit winter

18. What was the last thing you ate? 

scrambled eggs with sausage and a sandwich, finally a fancy breakfast on saturday

19. What are your listening to right now? 

FFXV OST WHAT ELSE

20. If you were a crayon what color would you be? 

teal

21. Favorite smell? 

fresh laundry and pool chlorine

22. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? 

my dad called yesterday

23. Favorite sport to watch? 

figure skating obviously, the only sport i actually watch

24. Hair color? 

brown, i still have a greenish tuft on the side from the time i dyed my hair

25. Eye color? 

brown

26. Do you wear contacts? 

i wear glasses tho i can still see p well without them

27. Favorite food to eat? 

noodles, chicken, fried veggies, some cool sauce, lots of spices

28. Scary movies or comedy? 

i dont like either, i mean i sure like to laugh but most of comedies are.... uhhhhh not rly funny theyre embarrassing to watch

tho i gotta say i watched the shining with friends on halloween and it was hilarious so yeah scary movies sure are fun

29. Last movie you watched? 

........barbie fairytopia trilogy, dont even ask

30. What color shirt are you wearing? 

i think its some greenish brown, im not sure, what am i, an art student? NOT ANYMORE HA

31. Summer or winter? 

SUMMER ALL THE WAY, FUCK WINTER, WINTER NEEDS TO DIE

32. Hugs or kisses? 

uhhh hugs, and even that has to be very specific, like, a hello or goodbye hug is VERY GOOD, excited tight hug is GREAT, huggin while lying down is nice but very uncomfy for longer then a few minutes, rest is kinda ehh

33. What book are you currently reading? 

me? BOOKS? lol

34. Who do you miss right now? 

ehh no one really

35. What is on your mouse pad? 

i have a shitty bootleg star wars mousepad that i won on some convention, my mom stole my nice one with a turtle

36. What is the last TV program you watched? 

i dont remember, i think we watched some music channel on new years? AND THERE WAS RICKROLL

37. What is the best sound? 

ENTIRE ORCHESTRA PLAYING SOME LIT TRACK and well a sound of a cat chewing on wet food is oddly satisfying

38. Rolling Stones or The Beatles? 

beatles, theyre fun to sing along to, especially when youre studying and want to die

39. What is the furthest you have ever traveled? 

madrid on a school trip, ill prolly never travel any further bc im broke and i hate moving my ass someplace i dont know

40. Do you have a special talent? 

uhhhh idk i draw fast???? doesnt mean its good quality but. well fast

41. Where were you born? 

cracow a pretty city, tho polluted beyond measures, literally

ok that it idk who do tag JUST DO IT

[artificialqueens]

Just Tonight #4 (Shalaska) - BABE

A/N: Sorry for this taking so long, I’ve been hella busy but enjoy this chapter! Thanks so much for the lovely comments, tbh I’m kinda addicted to writing this so this might go on for a while xx

Alaska couldn’t contain her grin when she snuck into her dorm room that evening, clutching her messed up clothes in her hands. She was still wearing the Ramones tee-shirt (which was drenched in Sharon’s scent and dove her headfirst into her memories all over again) but had traded her short skirt and heels for a pair of high waisted shorts and sneakers that Sharon had lying around. The blonde didn’t want to ask where they had come from but Sharon had assured her that they belonged to her best friend’s girlfriend (Ivy, she said her name was) and that filled Alaska with relief. After she had woken up and made them both breakfast, Alaska had realised that she had missed half her classes.  The anxiety in her pooled up until Sharon’s calm reassurance helped it to dissipate, the two girls spending the day in front of the television. Hours slipped away until Alaska went to check the time (7:53, the cracked screen of her iPhone read), only to discover the thousands of messages that Alaska and Katya had left in their group chat.

Adore:

alaska, you there?

srsly bitch, where tf are you?

Katya:

adore stfu

she’s probably busy ;)

adore:

Like you were with barbie?

Katya:

…

Adore:

that’s what I thought bitch

anyways lask when you get this, come back n pick up some vodka

pearl + her bitches r coming over

have fun ;))))

When reading the messages, Alaska had turned beet red, Sharon reading the messages over her shoulder and laughing her head off.

“Your friends are something,” Sharon said between chuckles, Alaska trying to control her blush.

“Shut up,” she murmured as Sharon pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“You’re cute when you blush.”

That only made Alaska blush more.

An hour, and a couple of borrowed garments, later, Alaska was turning the key in her dorm door’s lock, a bottle of vodka that Sharon had given her shoved into her purse. She heard whispers from behind the door (plus normal volume talking from Adore since she only spoke in yells) and when the door finally opened, the group burst into applause. Adore and Pearl sat on the floor (obviously smoking a joint, what else would they be doing?) of their room while Katya lounged on Adore’s bed (the Barbie from the party sat at her feet) and Violet and another girl (Fame?) perched awkwardly on their beanbags. Both girls were dressed in clothes that probably are worth more than Alaska’s student loans and it made Alaska weep internally.

“What up bitch?” Adore exclaimed, a common greeting from the brunette. “How was your kinky little encounter?”

“That’s none of your business!” Alaska countered, a huge goofy grin on her face. She leaned down and kissed Adore on the forehead before passing the vodka to Katya. The Russian cheered and hugged Alaska tightly. “Don’t thank me, thank Sharon,” Alaska whispered in her ear, causing Katya to chuckle. “Now, offer some to Trixie.” That caused Katya to turn red at the idea as Alaska politely said hello to Pearl, Trixie and Violet. Pearl winked, raising a lazy hand, Trixie grinned, her eyes flickering to Katya and Violet, now that she had her safety net around, offered a small smile and a wave.

“I’m Fame, it’s nice to meet you,” the unknown girl said as Alaska grinned at her.

“Now,” Adore started, obviously stoned out of her mind. “What the fuck went down with you and the sexy lead singer?”

“I tied her up and fucked her till she was sore,” Alaska deadpanned, the other girls laughing. She didn’t feel like discussing how exactly Sharon made her feel in front of a bunch of people she didn’t know. Adore and Katya were like her ride or dies, but the other girls were still foreign to her. She didn’t want to declare her feelings only to be mocked. “I’ve got a paper due soon so I might head out to the library if you guys are having a party.”

“It’s closed, remember?” Adore stated in a matter-of-fact way. “They had to start shutting it at night because people were breaking in and smoking bongs between the shelves.”

“Like you’ve ever been in the library, Delano.”

“I definitely have,” Adore smirked, inhaling her joint.

“Maybe because Del Rio’s office is next door!” Katya exclaimed, causing Adore to choke on the smoke that she knew how to take so well.

Alaska laughed as she plopped down onto her bed, the conversation about Adore fucking the art history professor swirling around her. The only thing that mattered was the text that popped up on her screen.

Sharon:

Miss you already xx

The blonde’s heart raced, a goofy grin on her face as she had a lightbulb moment. In a frenzy, she threw a change of clothes into a bag along with her laptop and textbook. She paused for a moment, texting Sharon back.

Alaska:

Is it okay if I come over? I really need to study and Adore is hosting a dinner party kms :p

The reply was almost instant as Alaska finished putting her things into her bag.

Sharon:

Sure thing, princess. Jinkx and Ivy are here but we’ll be quiet. See you soon x

With that, Alaska swung her bag over her shoulder and left, calling “Later bitches,” out the door.

“Use protection!” Adore called back, Alaska chuckling as she shut her door completely.

Now she could finally concentrate.

———-

In record time (and with help from her GPS since she actually didn’t know the way there, last night’s alcohol abuse was the cause of that), Adore’s beat up old car that Alaska drove as she pleased was in the parking lot of Sharon’s apartment. For once, she was kind of relieved to be away from her dorm room, even though she loved Adore and partook in her antics she really needed to finish this paper, her inner perfectionist freaked out if an assignment wasn’t started a week before it was due. Plus, she really wanted to meet Sharon’s friends. It was a surreal feeling, like everything was happening so fast for Alaska. She wasn’t known to be quick to trust but she trusted Sharon easily, her usual second guessing self plunging in with naivety.

As she walked to the apartment, bag under her arm, Alaska had realised that she hadn’t even had time to change from her borrowed clothes in her frenzy to leave. Her unbrushed hair was piled on top of her head and her eyelashes were still caked with mascara from the night before. It was an embarrassing way to meet Sharon’s close friends (especially since the clothes she was wearing actually belonged to one of the friends) but hopefully she could pull it off, pretend it was ‘punk rock’ or something.  Making it to the door, her petite hand knocking on the wood, her face spread into a grin in anticipation to see Sharon. It had only bee an few hours, but there was something about her that couldn’t keep her away.

The door swung open, revealing a slightly neater Sharon, one that at least had time to comb out her sex hair and redo her makeup. Nonetheless, her eyes were still bright with mischief and her mouth was spread into a similar grin as she stepped for to embrace the girl.

“Hi princess,” she murmured, kissing the younger girl’s forehead. Alaska kind of expected there to be a black lipstick stain left there but she couldn’t tell. “Come meet the crew.”

Alaska was lead into the familiar living room where two unfamiliar girls sat on the couch. One had curly red hair that didn’t just look teased but pissed off, her big brown eyes staring up at her in wonder, the other’s hair was straight and blonde, red roots peeking out of her scalp. Both of them were dressed eclectically but it all had a kind of cool feel to it, as if they were starting a trend and everyone would be wearing the same things soon. Alaska was instantly jealous, her own style feeling so mainstream in comparison.

“Alaska, this is Jamie, I mean Jinkx,” Sharon corrected as the redhead shot her a look, “Monsoon. She’s our pianist and our spare guitarist.”

“Just in case Sharon here is too occupied with the ladies to play,” Jinkx interjected, her tone light.

“Piss off,” Sharon joked, a chuckle escaping her lips. “And this is Ivy Winters. She’s our bassist plus she keeps everyone looking fabulous.” Ivy grinned, nodding proudly.

“That’s what you get when you have a fashion major lying around, I’m glad you finally put her to good use,” Jinkx smirked, looking at Ivy fondly. She leaned over and kissed the girl’s cheek, causing Ivy to blush.

“So that’s three quarters of Anarchy Rose,” Sharon finished, causing Alaska’s eyes to tear away from the couple and back to the other girl. “Dee would’ve come tonight but she’s out with her prep of a girlfriend.” Sharon rolled her eyes.

“What’s wrong with her?” Alaska asked tentatively.

“Nothing, except for the fact that Roxxxy “I’m full of cheerleader pep but I’m also a bitch” Andrews kinda thinks she’s above all of us, it’s fucking annoying.”

Alaska felt awkward replying to that, so instead she changed the subject. “Can I borrow your bathroom for a sec, I kinda look like shit.”

“Nonsense, you look beautiful,” Sharon mused, Alaska blushing in reply. “But of course, you know where it is.” She winked, lightly slapping Alaska’s ass as she walked towards the familiar room.

The blonde then briskly walked to the bathroom, peeling off Sharon’s shirt when she was safely inside.  She had a feeling that not much work was going to be done tonight and Alaska was completely resigned to that fact.

————

Of course, Alaska was completely right about not doing any work because the moment she stepped out in her baggy Blondie t-shirt that she’d stolen from her mother at least a decade ago and her barely visible pyjama shorts, she flopped down on the couch and refused to get up. Instead, Ivy held a bottle of vodka in her hands and Jinkx had laid four shot glasses on the table. Sharon pulled her close with a grin, her arm snaking around her waist.

“Sorry to interrupt you from your study, but these morons want to play ‘Never Have I Ever’” Sharon said with a roll of her eyes.

“Shut your mouth,” Jinkx countered jokingly. “You might actually enjoy yourself.”

“This might be a short game,” Alaska muttered and Sharon, the only person who heard her, snickered.

“You think you’re so adventurous, Princess?” she smirked.

“I know I am,” Alaska smirked back mischievously. Sharon pulled her in for a passionate kiss, only to be interrupted by the clearing of a throat.

“Lovebirds, pull yourselves apart for two seconds so we can play the game!” Jinkx exclaimed while Ivy poured shots. “Remember, the first to five shots loses, and the loser doesn’t have to do anything because we’re completely unoriginal. Ivy, you start.”

“Alright…. Never have I ever ridden a bike,” the blonde replied as the three other girls did a shot.

“Looks like I’ll have to teach you, darling,” Jinkx replied, kissing the girl’s cheek fondly. “Never have I ever… had blonde hair.” Ivy, Sharon and Alaska all drank, and the game carried on until Ivy had only drank twice, Jinkx thrice and Sharon and Alaska both four times. It was Jinkx’s turn, and she knew exactly what to say.

“Never have I ever… fucked anyone in the bathroom of a warehouse,” she smirked, her eyes firmly planted on the couple sitting across from her. Alaska blushed a deep red while Sharon shrugged.

“That’s oddly specific, I wonder who could’ve done that,” she smirked as the couple clinked their glasses together.

“Now that you two have had your fun,” Sharon continued, mischief in her eyes. “Now it’s time for the real fun, truth or dare anyone?”