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#anyway i made this earlier in 2022 but i can't remember when
batshaped · 1 year
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trick(xie) question
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sob-sister · 3 months
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‘Given his past’ ‘given who he is as a person’ what do you and anon mean by that if yall don’t mind me asking? I don’t know nothing about him as a person, just that he dresses very peculiar and is always high and what not but I don’t know anything else about him lol
basically urban is not loyal. obviously, i don't know what is actually happening behind the scenes, but what i've seen isn't good.
long story short, and this is just the gist of it. all of this happened last year and i don't remember shit that i did 2 weeks ago, so some details may be missing. i am asking for some grace. lol. 😂
okay story time! urban was seeing this girl named jenn (jennifer). miss jenn is australian and she split her time between the states and australia. i don't know how they met or anything like that. anyway, someone somehow found out about her and jack's tour was heading to australia at the time. jenn got a care package from urban. i am not sure if he took it with him to australia or he got it shipped from america, either way, she was posting about it and being in love blah blah blah. he even took jenn & her friends to one of jack's shows and they were acting like groupies. there is also a video of urban and jenn walking together holding hands.
whilst in australia, urban was also having after parties basically for himself, because jack didn't turn up to like any of them besides like one. lol. at one of these after parties there was a picture taken by some girl which showed urban and rest of the crew with girls all over them.
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fans then started to reach out to jenn to tell her about the whole situation, meanwhile urban was apparently asking fan accounts who reposted the pic to take it down and what not. he was trying to cover his ass and he also posted a story telling everyone to leave the people close to him alone.
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jenn heard all about it in her dms and responded via her story. then she might have deactivated her account or made it private. i can't recall. either way, shit was not looking good for urban.
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in addition to messaging jenn, people were also messaging girls urban was following on instagram and asking them if they were dating urban. there was this one girl, sam (also known as big lips, because she has insane lips fillers) and she was feeding into the whole thing. she was doing a q&a and people were asking her about him. she reposted a clip of kourtney kardashian and scott and they were talking about being platonic friends, and it was giving "we're just friends" vibes.
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then, someone shared their messages with jenn and jenn confirmed that she was no longer speaking to urban and they unfollowed each other after that.
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all of this happened in the last few days of july 2022, but bare in mind that him and sam were already talking or whatever at the start of june, because someone discovered a pic of him and her in bed.
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after him and jenn ended he moved onto sam and that was like on and off and then she ended it after a while to date some french guy.
anyways, you can not tell me that urban was into jenn when he was in someone's bed a month earlier and she was implying things during the australian drama fiasco. in addition to that, all throughout the 2022 tour, urban was following a huge amount of girls that attended tour. he was like a dog in heat. it's very obvious he wasn't trying to make friends and thought that being jack harlow's friends was going to get him into some panties. one trifling mf!!!!!
hope that explains it for you. i didn't know that this post was going to become so long, so "sorry" about that! thank you for stopping by. have a good day.
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chiocchi · 1 year
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Chiocchi!
Big fan of your artistry. I love your art so much! And those graphic novels you have on ao3??? Heaven sent! I use them as an imagery reference if I read any similar trope haha!
I asked the same question to leafiloaf since I love them too, but I'll be very interested to know your artistic journey if you don't mind sharing. How did you start with your art?
Tysm for being in this fandom ❤️
youknowmevj! omg thank you so much! You're too kind 😭🥺❤️❤️❤️ And yess lots of love to leafiloaf
Thanks for the ask! I've never told anyone about it and I'm so excited I'll give you so much unnecessary context. Oops long post.
My artistic journey
I've enjoyed drawing since I was little, but mostly I just drew doodles in my notebook. Anime was a big inspiration for my style and I wanted to create digital illustrations too. When I was a teenager, I tried using a mouse and a PC, and my finger and some app on my phone, but the results were always terrible. I told myself it was because I didn't have a drawing tablet, so "of course my drawings will look ugly" and stopped trying.
However, I promised a discord friend that I would do a drawing for her in December 2020. So, I downloaded this app called "Ibis Paint" on my phone and, with all my effort despite my lack of ability, I drew Harry using the app and my finger jskldhfsa
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I was so hesitant and nervous about showing it to her. I could tell it wasn't pretty, just "weird and awkward", and I felt embarrassed. But she told me it was good (LIES) and somehow convinced me to share it with others on the server. Despite feeling shy, I shared it anyway. To my surprise, three people told me it was pretty! I appreciated their kindness.
It wasn't until March 2021 that I returned to drawing digitally and on a more consistent basis. I was mainly doing fanart for a game that I liked.
In May or June (I can't remember exactly), I stumbled upon an artist who created incredible art using Ibis Paint. And I realized that I didn't need a drawing tablet, just more practice and skill, because if they could do it, then I could do it too! That was the moment I began taking art more seriously (still as a hobby, though!).
Due to the pandemic, I had a lot of free time, which I used to watch a lot of tutorials, practice gesture and follow the advice of artists I liked. With every drawing I made, I could see an improvement, which motivated me even more to keep on working hard (drawing became a source of comfort during those depressing times. It was just really fun).
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In late 2021, I mentioned to a childhood friend that I wanted to buy a drawing tablet, and he asked me if I wanted his old one, which I excitedly accepted. Finally, I had the tool that would make my art incredible… or so I thought! I was terrible with it. For the first few months, I preferred Ibis paint and my finger. But I eventually got the hang of it! What I love the most are the multiple brushes and pressure settings. I'm such a hoarder, even if I don't use all of them ksklajdl.
In 2022, I participated in several bigbangs and zines, but what I'm most excited to talk about is the tomarry comic that I started.
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My tomarrymort art
I've read tomarrymort fics since 2017, but I wasn't active on the fandom. In 2020, I joined a writer's server (all love to Amanda) and met the friend I mentioned earlier. So technically, you could say my love for tomarrymort lead me here kek
Even though my main inspiration was a game, here is some fic fanart I made.
This is my first tomarry art (July 27th, 2021). It's a scene from Genius by the Numbers. I think it looks weird kjdshk
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I also made art for A Mating of Convenience, what started in beautiful rooms, Dripping Fingers and for Ale, beloved. (I think I've never posted these before.)
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Then two things happened: I saw comic on ao3 (If I'll Ever See You by festivewind) and I was like "WOW! THAT'S SO COOL" and "omg we can upload comics!"
The second thing was me being rejected as a webtoon background artist (naturally, as I wasn't good enough for the specifics) and the spite made me want to do my own so I could improve my weakness (the grind never stops 💪🔥).
I read some of my old notes for story ideas (I'm not good at writing but I still had some snippets of stories). And boom! Love triangle but the 3 of them are idiots (affectionate). Fun fact: the original version had a murder, someone in Azkaban and someone hating the other forever :D
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Don't pretend started as an anonymous work because some of my friends knew my AO3 username and I was afraid of screwing up the format (I don't know html) and looking like a fool DKJALKSJL I was also afraid of possible backlash (I'm an over-thinker).
None of that happened (comments were very kind and nice!) But idk, it was nice being anon. I'm awkward and shy and I usually don't know what to say to compliments (Sometimes a "thank you" doesn't feel enough but that's all my brain can offer 😭)
Then I made some tomarry christmas art and shared it on TRoR discord server and someone asked me if I had Tumblr and I said no but that gave me the idea of making one.
Since I planned Don't pretend as being a long story, I realized it'd take me a long time to finish it and I wanted to contribute to the complete tomarrymort works! That's the reason I took a pause and made A Soulmate Like You.
Anyway, I made this tumblr on January 2023, and the plan was to fill it with art so, eventually, when I found the courage to make my works non-anon, I could link to this page. Except that I posted one drawing, and that was enough for isalisewrites to know it was me HJKASDJLA. So I stopped the anonymous thing.
I'm still not used to being "perceived" 👁️👁️ but I've learned it's not bad. People have been really kind and I think I'm less shy now! I'm very happy to be part of this fandom with lots of kind and supportive people and incredible fics and fanart <3
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thephantomcasebook · 1 year
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Do you think Martin was full "Daeron the Daring, the king that never was" when started to write the Dance and then fell in love (for whatever the reason) by the that demon? I Iove Daeron SO MUCH, and I like to think that his two "nephews" who became kings and had his name where only half of what he was as a whole. Daeron I was military genius, but he was dumb at politics that why he was killed the way he was. Daeron II was a political genius but if he had a eye for war, he should have known that the Blackfyres would become a problem
I wasn't there, so I couldn't say for sure.
But I know, it was either the first editions of either "Fire and Blood" or "A World of Ice and Fire" that expanded on Daeron's character ... though it could be forum posts on Westeros.org from the "lore that got cut in editorial" section ...
I don't know, not to play the old man card at 33 but I have a lot of memories of things that either don't exist anymore or got retconned out of existence.
Like I have this very - VERY - vivid memory of an official art piece that was a black and white sketch of Criston escorting Rhaenyra down a hall with young Rhaenyra's arms wrapped about his bicep and smirking to herself. Then, in the background a very Jessica De Gouw looking Alicent glaring at them. It had to be around 2014-2017, maybe even earlier. It might have been a "Wizards of the Coast" art book for the Westeros RPG and card game. I think it was art from the novella "The Princess and the Queen" and I'm pretty sure in that was a much more detailed narrative telling of Alicent and Rhaenyra's rivalry that was centered around fighting over Criston Cole, which Alicent won and Rhaenyra swore to avenge the insult.
It was the sort of the kick off of "The Dance of the Dragons" in the very early days of "Game of Thrones" the TV show. before GRRM got the HBO development deal.
I'm pretty sure that Emily Carey was given a copy of "The Princess and the Queen" to read and that was where she got the idea that Alicent was in love with Criston Cole. Cause, like Carey, I also remember that detail pretty vividly from the source material. But now, upon reflection, I think I read "The Princess and the Queen" and misremembered it as part of the First Edition of "Fire and Blood" which absorbed elements of "The Princess and the Queen" short story into official canon.
Anyway.
My point is that there was a smattering of stuff on Daeron that I remember that I can't seem to find anymore. Like I remember him being incredibly brilliant strategist - he used Tessarion for recon flights to track the Black's forces movements and scout terrain for upcoming battles. The dude was a innovator in terms of military thinking - way ahead of his time. He harnessed Dragon riding for more than just show of power, but for practical uses in the field that made him near invincible in battle.
I always got the sense that GRRM started off being incredibly influenced by Henry V with Daeron. He was handsome, a great tactician, and a great warrior - and he also was beloved by the common people and spent a lot of time with them, made friends with them. And in the original editions most of King's Landing was ready to help him. However, one of the many things that the TV Tie-In Edition changed was that now people are afraid of Daeron rather than them wanting him to be king which was why they were ready to riot, which was before 2022.
To be honest with you, I think that HBO required bad guys in their social commentary bullshit phase of which "House of the Dragon" was being developed. And I just think that having a nuanced character like Criston Cole and a clear-cut hero like Daeron Targaryen _ "The King that Should Have Been" - wouldn't fit the agenda that a 2019 HBO was pressing. The Greens have to be the bad guys. They can't have a clear cut hero and villain story in which Rhaenyra becomes the mad queen and Daeron becomes the young valiant knight who oppose her like it becomes at the end of the War.
in HBO's mind Daeron has to be a pushover and a weakling ... or he can't be in the show. And even though those execs and Sapochnik and his wife are long gone, I just have no faith that they're gonna do Daeron justice as the easy organic fan favorite character coming out of "The Dance".
Because, don't get it twisted. Daemon is GRRM's favorite character. Aemond is the 'Girlie's" favorite character. But Daeron was the readers favorite character, cause, he was "THAT" dude.
Us Daeron fans are people of culture and taste.
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thetragicallynerdy · 1 year
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end of year writing wrap-up - 2022
Earlier this year I started doing monthly writing goals, along with monthly writing wrap-ups. I fell off in the fall, mainly due to feeling too busy, but I really wanted to do an end of year wrap-up nonetheless! And start again, now that it's the new year - it was a good way for me to remember what I'm working on, and to feel a bit accomplished and note progress even when I felt like I hadn't made any. This list is really entirely for myself, as a record keeping type thing.
On a fun note, this year I got really caught up in OFMD, and wrote a ton for it! Some with pals, some by myself. It's been a really fun new fandom to write for! I haven't written as much for UnDeadwood, which I'm hoping to change a bit this year (but aren't pushing myself on. Where my brain goes it goes).
So, without further ado - all the fics I've worked on this year, including word counts for each (only word counts written this year, based on best estimate, unless otherwise noted):
Completed fics:
but don't you shake alone (Leverage) - Chapters 7, 8, and epilogue posted in 2022. Word count: 15,800
full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes (OFMD). Word count: 10,200
we both go down together (OFDM). Word count: 8,900
and if the pomegranates are in bloom (OFMD). Word count: 5,200
falling for you, you are in love, put your records on (OFMD, same series). Word count: 4,900
the ghost baby (UnDeadwood). Word count: 9,500 (mostly written in 2022, can't remember how much wasn't.)
on this winter's night with you (UnDeadwood). Word count: 9,600.
Works in Progress
Our Flag Means Death
flotsam and jetsam - Word count: 3,000.
i like to call myself wound - Word count: 37,000 (posted: 29, 500.)
and we will build a home from the wreckage - Word count: 17,000 (posted: 8,000.)
ask me anything SMAU (co-written) - Prose word count: 28,000 (posted: 17,000) Written by me: ~14,000
long sad Jim/Ed (co-written) - 94,500 words. Written by me: ~ 48,000.
uposted poly au (to build a home) - Word count: ~7,000
modern Jim/Ed flowershop au - Word count 38,800
sex worker Oluwande - Word count: 12, 300
other WIPs (de-aged Jim, Olu/Jim werewolf smut, hanahaki times, selkie au, etc) - Word count 6,800. UnDeadwood
every bit as feral - Word count total: 73,200. Word count this year: 21,500.
the jaws that bite - Word count total: ~ 35,000. This year: ~ 4,000.
witch clayton au - Word count total: 50,800. This year: ~ 19,000.
the nemesis - Total: 91,500. This year: 7,000 (maybe more, but that for sure).
firefly au - Word count total: 7,000. This year: ~ 3,500 (?)
Other tiny WIPs (olympics, hallowe'en, PS I love you au) - Huge guestimate, but maybe another 5,000 words.
So, to sum up
OFMD: 213,100 words
UnDeadwood: 79,100 words
Leverage: 15,800 words
Total 2022 word count: 308,000 words
Jesus fucking christ??? That's so many words?? I've felt a lot less productive writing-wise this year, but that might be because my 'published ao3' word count for this year is only around 135K - meanwhile I've written around 175K more words that haven't been published yet. Huh.
(This also goes to show that I really, really have a problem with writing sprawling works that I have difficulty actually finishing enough to publish lmao. Glad to see that hasn't changed XD)
Anyway, thanks to everyone who stuck around for the ride - hopefully a few of the massive unpublished works will go up in 2023!!
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cemeteryrocks900 · 1 year
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Uh hi. Came to tell you that I finally managed to get the cookie butter (finally dared to order it online).
Sorry I missed your leaving, I roughly remembered you meant to go somewhere but didn't know it will be so soon, I guess you "made it", in both meanings.
I was kinda annoyed with you some time ago and stopped coming to check, now I feel bad about it. I was annoyed that you kept losing and I couldn't and binged so much while you ate nothing, can't compare myself though, I'm a binge eater, not an anorexic. I'm that "wannarexic" everyone talks shit about. anyway.
Also kept thinking that I need to tell you that I got my period back. That was on the day you last posted, 20th of September 2022. it's been gone for 1,5 years.
I saw the photos, hit me like a brick, I could guess the exact number. I think that's what I was annoyed with earlier, that you managed to surpass my lw by so much.
I'm glad you decided to go, and that you got the means to go. I found your blog when you were still in hospital and it hit me like a brick back then too.
I'm gonna miss you.
Jfc, I'm shaken, lowkey almost crying now, thanks for the awakening, I'm working non stop always busy and tired and it makes me forget about existence. One one hand it keeps my depressive mood away so it's good but on the other I'm turned off and uhh.
You did it, you are the best anorexic, achievement unlocked, now it's time to end it for good. You want to live and have people and stuff to live for, even if family is nasty sometimes, don't drop the recovery flow this time.
And, idk if I should say this or not or if it's a good idea or not, I feel like I should ask you to not look me up or contact when/if you are back recovered. I wouldn't want to be a bad influence. and yet I'm writin this to you as if seeking the attention.
I dream of getting sick enough just so I could go to a hospital to get a break from life for a bit. Because I'm too weak to kms and there is no good left in life and every moment is a struggle. Now I'm writing this with tears in my eyes so it's probably time to finish. I'm sorry if it's selfish sending this to you but I want you to read it. I hope it won't affect you negatively.
I miss you already, it felt like you are my little cousin (I don't have any) through the amount of your posts I read for so long, has it been almost a year? I think I found your blog in January, it feels so much longer.
I guess I will post it on mine too in case you get deleted. I feel so selfish wanting you to read it, uhh. I'm glad I "met" you, good luck, please never give in to anorexia again.
gee, i'm so broken emotionally right now but I have to do work and i'm not strong enough for it.
Good bye. Bau ❤
This is not goodbye, I will continue to come back to you, I love you bau, you are sweet and deserving and I will never be upset by you
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austennerdita2533 · 2 years
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please don’t be sorry for taking time to reply!! i hope everything’s/you’re okay!
oooh what was your theory after season 3? because i was so late i already knew how it played out, which is kinda sad cause i would’ve loved to experience that finale with no idea what came next. I agree about being more drawn to what’s happening with the adults lol, and yes I love the dynamics too. The will/Jonathan scenes in season 4 were great. (Although my ultimate favourite scene this season I think is either the jopper reunions or the one with Dustin & Eddie). The dynamics are I think my absolute favourite thing about stranger things.
Thanks for understanding, lovely! I'm hanging in there, just been fighting off a lingering sickness that's been giving me trouble this summer. 🙃
I have a tendency to get bad upper respiratory infections. I'm asthmatic (and am in the middle of a flare bc the pollen is terrible and my body hates me apparently haha) so it takes me longer to get over things. So between fevers, sinusitis, headaches, a URI I can't shake, and a cough that I'm trying to prevent from turning into bronchitis, I've been running on capital "E" empty. Regrettably, it's also made me tortoise slow about getting back to my friends but I'm doing my best to answer when I have the energy!
In short, my immune system is the actual worst. ☠️
Anyway, about Stranger Things!
After s3, I remember having no idea if Hopper was actually dead or not. Since Joyce took the kids and moved, it was obvious they all believed he was gone for good. That scene where it looked like he got blown up was eviscerating--I was so emotional at the idea that he sacrificed himself to save them all. We didn't get confirmation that he was still alive until they released a teaser trailer some time in the middle of the pandemic. (It's hard to remember when precisely when because that whole period is/was a blur. 2020-2022 felt like a century worth of time had lapsed.) I did think that it was possible he had survived the blast and was captured by the Russians. But since we had lost so many other characters we loved earlier in the series, I couldn't rule out the possibility that he wasn't coming back.
The dynamics and relationships between the characters are what make the show for me. The Jopper reunion in s4 was one of my favorites. I also really loved Hopper and El's reunion scene. (I cried like a baby, ngl.) Dustin and Eddie's brother-like brotp continues to be one of things I love most about ST. Not only is it sweet but their scenes/interactions often lighten the mood a lot of the time. Provides great comic relief. It's like HIMBO big brother meets nerdy D&D-playing little brother. I love it so much. 😄
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hilli98215 · 2 years
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I thought I would explain why I was feeling like a failure of a teacher a few days ago. But first, thank you for the kind words and for reminding me why I'm in education in the first place.
But I am literally fuming and I understand why there is a teacher shortage.
I applied for 3 different English Language Arts positions at my school and was denied all three. I would have been in my field (English) and be able to teach either 7th or 8th grade. But by being denied 3 times I was then told that the teacher I worked with for the 2021-2022 school year would also be leaving. Everything was coming down on me and I was thinking of leaving my school. And this is a thought I was going to follow through with anyway but work at my building until the end of the school year. Then I got a phone call from my principal telling me there is a position open that is not only ELA but also ESE (working with students with learning disabilities though there is more to it). This position was going to be a challenge with me being a push-in for 2 periods (going into the classroom), a standard period, an inclusion period (where the students are half learning disabled and nonlearning disabled), and an advanced period. I would be responsible for the classes I would be teaching and that's it. It was my one opportunity and I was determined to take the challenge.
Notice the was in that paragraph.
Earlier Sunday morning I received an email from my principal asking me if it was true that I was out of field (teaching out of my certification) for ESE and Reading for the 2019/2020 school year. And that it would be impossible to hire me out of field once more for the same subject as per county rules. First of all, as many of you remember, 2019/2020 was the year of COVID and was a year of hell for me. That was the year where I disappeared from Tumblr due to being so busy and where I taught high school. It was terrible and not an experience I want to repeat. That was the year when every state was doing virtual learning for the last half of the year. The school I was at let me go and I had a difficult time finding a teaching job for the 2020/2021 school year and had no choice but become a teacher's assistant. Which I mean worked in the end since I was able to complete other parts of the certificate which included taking college courses and completing a portfolio for the state. Anyway, that was over 3 years ago. I can barely remember that year. But because I was already out of field once I can't be out of field again for the same subjects. It is also per Florida Statute and is something I can't fight. My choice is either take the tests or never teach those subjects.
I spent my Sunday crying and doubting myself. I was so sure I was going to get the position but was told that I can't.
By the way, my principal asked me about the position before asking Human Resources about my availability and told me she was going to check with me on Monday but sent me this email on Sunday. They did it backward and it took me several days to realize that.
Monday it was confirmed by Human Resources that I have to decline this position due to the Florida statute.
If I were to get this email before my principal sent theirs, I would have understood.
I am frustrated and have made the decision to leave the school by December for a teaching position. I am done with being treated like this and I am going to pass every test I need to be a teacher in my state.
I am done with being an assistant to the teacher. I am going to be the teacher.
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theclo4ked1 · 3 months
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abnormally large paintbrush aura, too (scroll down for the art) Happy New Year, everybody. 2024 is off to a pretty great start so far for me, especially today since we finally got snow on my part of ZA WARUDO. We, mostly me, made these really cool snow-people in the last 24 hours, look.
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These are my friends (in order from left to right), Monkeypaw, Hemorrhoid, and Kankersore. Hemorrhoid is Kankersore's girlfriend. Monkeypaw was found to have fallen over earlier this afternoon, so he's dead, RIP. What I liked about creating them was treating the snow like clay, that's why the men hats made from snow, and even though you can hardly see it, Hemorrhoid has a hair bun. She and Monkeypaw both got dat necklace drip, but only he and Kankersore have brown eyes (the darkness is made from dirt and leaves).
Snow sorry for the sort of cold opening (and the puns), I was just really happy to share that. Anyways, a short time after the last series of paintings, I had started a new project in which I experimented in larger paintings. I made three that time, so lemme tell ya 'bout 'em. Again, like last time, the paintings are ordered by creation.
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I wanna say something, but I wanna see if you notice a change in subject (hint, hint), especially when you get into the next post. So, the one on the left is a Lunar Valley-type grassland with the mountains that line some of the valley's perimeter. It's a very (hmm how do I say...) "airy" kind of painting. It just looks like the texture is cloudy/foggy, especially in the mountains (not pyramids, as a peer had thought). The paint is thin because I diluted the paint with more oil, in addition to pre-coating the canvas in Linseed Oil, which was over a dried layer of extremely thinned brown Acrylic Paint. This series was when I began to incorporate Acrylic Paint into my works. The other painting is an aqueduct whose water flows into a forest, all against an orange sky with the sun standing by. The water is the best thing about the painting, and I was given constructive criticism to improve on the piece, but I've yet to act on it. The best thing suggested was to add bricks to the aqueduct to make it more like an aqueduct.
In the last post, I mentioned "another dreamscape painting I’ve wanted to make for a little over a year now," and how that's "a story for another time." That time is now, BEHOLD, my floating masterpiece: the EGG CarRrRiARrr! AHEM sorry, I had played Sonic Adventure some days ago after about a year or so since I last touched it. My "waifu for laifu" PlayStation3 would know better than I would, but anyways, let me tell you, now the story of the next painting-- wait no, a bit of backstory: I was at friend's birthday party back in October 2022, when I actually had the dream. It was a fun time, and that chocolate cake she shared with us was awesome. I can't remember what kind of chocolate cake, but it was mmmmm… Later that night, I returned home to my bed and slept. The dream began. Please BARE WITH ME as I try to remember exactly what I experienced. I told the same story to my peers, and I think I explained it better since it was at an earlier time relative to now, when I'm more likely to forget more of a finer details of that dream because it was so long ago. It's a weird one, too; Activation-synthesis theory and all:
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I was captured and tied up aboard the evil pirate Risky Boots' ship, just about to walk the plank and thrown into the drink. I was cornered, with the sea to my back, and Risky and her sword across my throat. I don't know what I did, but it was likely I wouldn't make it out of this alive. Next thing I knew, I found myself in the ocean of my own blood, and the last thing I saw was that pirate's face (and her rack). I most likely died by drowning first... It was dark for a period, followed by a gradual brightness and materialization of my environment. A massive and ever-shifting sea of yellow dandelions forming a floor and a ceiling in front of an azure sky that looked like it had a navy-blue rip in the space-time continuum. I was floating over the sea. I wasn't in the air, but I wasn't swimming either. And speaking of swimming, a Blue whale was maneuvering through the environment as if it were swimming in water, it even went into the flowers. For some reason I can't remember, I began calling out to Nina, as if I was brought to this heaven for the sole purpose to find my "daughter" (spoiler: I couldn't find her). I continued floating to a point where the flowers started to end, and a dirt path of green grass began. I had landed. Finally, I was able to walk. I walked, still hoping to find Nina. The path lead to a new environment. It widened; tall trees began to appear and grow taller with every step I took. Zoo animals were present along the road, yet the only one I remember clearly was an elephant. I continued walking until I approached a familiar looking set of fences, which I recognized as part of the zoo that used to be part of a childhood park. Behind me and the fences, was the playground by where my Grama used to live. In this playground was a crowd of people; kids and adults. Among all the noise and children and water spraying from the newly installed play-area was my father, just watching. None of my siblings were there nor my mother. Just him. I walked up to him. I opened my mouth to ask "Hey Dad, have ever you seen 2001: A Space Odyssey?"
Put that on Wattpad, why don't I? After that last line, I woke up, and that same morning, I talked to my father about the dream and asked him the same question, to which he responded "yes". He also recommends I give the movie a watch, which I've also yet to do, but it's on my list. In fact, it was the first thing on my "Movies To Watch" list. V For Vendetta was recommended to me also by one of peers to which I told my dream. I think that same peer also commented how the dreamscape painting looks like a flag. By the way, this is only painting with a name in the series. I call it "i died and went to heaven". There were also multiple versions before this one. Sorry, I'm forgetting what I want to say. OH, yeah yeah, so that dream left me pondering. First off, I'm a weirdo who's Agnostic and Christian. What do I mean by this incredibly ridiculous and confusing proclamation? Welp, I'm on the fence about truly believing in God; that He created all, and the stuff about Jesus and whatnot, and I occasionally pray (though I don't think prayer is an exclusively religious concept), yet I'm not really Christian; however, I'm not opposed to the belief of the existence of a heaven and hell. What am I, can you tell me? Back to the dream, after I died, I was taken to the dandelion oceans. I'll chalk this up to the Activation-synthesis theory, but if that was supposed to be my heaven (cuz there ain't no fire and brimstones and all that junk), is everyone's heaven different based on their own perceptions? D-do you understand what I'm trying to ask? I asked my dad about it too, and his answer is one I also cannot remember, but I think he was just as unsure as me. I had always thought Heaven was this magical afterlife, with clouds and sunshine, and the gate outside of Heaven where Madea can stay so she don't have to go to Hell-- what? Well, I suppose that's what TV told me. Ever since that night, my view of what Heaven could, at the very least, look like has been the dandelion oceans, the blue sky with the rip in the space-time continuum, and the whale. It just has to be Activation-synthesis theory, it could only be! Yet, how I do remember almost everything about the arbitrary events. It was illogical, nonsensical, I was travelling backwards through time in the dream for crying out loud. It took parts from all over my unconscious, and not a single GOT damn part of the dream was related to Sonic the Hedgehog OR Dora the Explorer, two of the biggest influences in my childhood. No, it'd have to be subconscious, wouldn't it? I don't know but like, how do you take my favorite flower, NiGHTS Into Dreams, Shantae, the children's playground, the old park with the abandoned zoo, and my dad and make a dream like this? Where did the space odyssey come from?! Aargh! I'm going to bed. As usual, thanks for reading.
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adarrahjoriza · 1 year
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day 7
the menu (2022)
this movie gave me anxiety. tyler reminded me of someone that hurts to remember, especially when he called margot a child. i read something earlier today. it said something along the lines of: if you're raised with an angry man in your house, there will always be an angry man in your house. you will find him even when he is not there. and if one day you find that there is no angry man in your house, well you will find one and go invite him in.
i don't think i'll be talking much about the movie at this point.
tyler reminds me of someone that made me feel small and looked down on. even if that might not be all there was to that person -- and while they were obviously not the psychopath tyler was -- even if they were also kind, and compassionate, and loving, and gave me more than i asked... all i can think about is my scorn.
i don't think i can rate this objectively as i'm typing this while only half-way through the movie and all i feel is a heaviness in my chest. it's good. but it is bringing back such bad memories. i don't think i can rate this objectively as i'm typing this while only half-way through the movie and all i feel is a heaviness in my chest. it's good. but it is bringing back such bad memories.
update (might contain spoilers): i got through the whole thing and it felt easier to breathe when tyler died. fuck all tylers. not that i dated one, because his character was a different plane of fucked up, but he was such a trigger i fucking hate that dude. anyway. good movie but something felt lacking i can't put my finger on it my nervous system is still reeling 9/10.
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Sorry, teenaged me.
Something happened when I hit my mid-thirties. I started playing this game whose sole mechanic is "Wonder what teenaged me would have thought about this fuckery."
Today's fuckery is: having my ovaries removed to treat PMDD.
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(In case you've never seen a picture of the female reproductive system.)
Getting diagnosed with premenstrual dysphoric disorder at 36 came out of nowhere. Teenaged me probably wouldn't be surprised. Teenaged me would say something like, "Yeah, no shit. Did you think getting my first period when I was 10 should have given me superpowers? Are you high?"
Teenaged me would want to know what took me so long; why I "let" them diagnose me with borderline personality disorder and alcohol dependence when it was obvious (to me, anyway) why I was behaving the way I was behaving. I've been to rehab, and have four years of abstinance under my belt, but sobriety didn't "fix" me. I've been in and out of therapy since my first 72-hour psych hold l when I was 17. Lupron injections that started last January 2022 have given me back my brain, and since I tolerated hormone addback in September I'm a candidate for surgery.
Surgery is Friday. They're removing everything--ovaries, Fallopian tubes, uterus, cervix.
My gynecologist, my psychiatrist, everyone made sure I was aware the option of leaving the uterus and cervix exists. Progesterone is a bitch, though. If I left the uterus but yeeted the ovaries, I would have to keep taking medroxyprogesterone. Estrogen causes the uterine lining to thicken. I'll have to take estrogen until I'm no longer "of reproductive age." The hell with it. Keeping the rest of the baby factory would mean I have to take the hormone that triggers PMDD so it doesn't keep making a lining it doesn't need.
It's a good uterus. I have no complaints. It's too bad I can't give it to someone who wants it. I asked, but they have to biopsy it. By the time pathology is done with it, it'll look like shit.
When my gynecologist signed off on the surgery, I had to sign a piece of paper acknowledging that no uterus = no pregnancy. The fact that that paper exists was absurd. I wasn't expecting it.
Teenage me would have had the same reaction I did. I laughed.
When I got my first period, I wasn't shocked. Periods had been a topic of conversation at Girl Scouts earlier that year. Something traumatic happened to me a couple weeks before. If I had been paying attention, it would have prompted a pregnancy scare. I didn't know shit.
Anyway. First period. I went into the kitchen where my biological mother was--I don't remember. Washing dishes, maybe. And I walked over to our house's sliding glass back door, thunked my forehead against the glass, and said, "My life is over."
I was ten years old.
To answer teenaged me's question: "Not yet, but I'm grown and I pay my bills and have a medical card to treat the other dumb medical problems I've developed, so as soon as I publish this shitpost I'm going to roll a big fucking joint and watch anime for the rest of the afternoon, BITCH."
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builder051 · 2 years
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11, 13, 17?
Controversial choice
Dallas Buyers' Club
I know, I know hate me. BUT. This one was up for awards Oscars 2013. (Meaning it was in production 2011/2012-- Taking a step back to that range in time, let's remember some stuff: Laur was just out of rehab and in college. Not everybody had a smart phone. Leggings were not considered pants. Obama was president. Nothing at the dollar store cost over $1. Gay marriage was not legal. Nolanverse Batman was THE THING, and the last film hadn't come out yet.)
This could also be considered as "way back when" nobody understood lgbt actors taking on lgbt roles (Yes, I'm talking about Jared Leto). As a person in 2022, I generally agree with offering the job to the person with the actual lived experience. I do believe that's becoming mainstream/standard for filmmaking. HOWEVER. Have you seen Dallas Buyers' Club? Have you seen Jared Leto act in anything? The effort he puts into his roles (losing weight/gaining weight/doing stuff with his hair/practicing wearing shoes, clothes, etc./practicing accents or speaking 'in character' even off set...) Best deserved Best Supporting Actor award I've seen... probably in my lifetime (all controversy aside). Best Oscar acceptance speech I've seen in my lifetime. YouTube it. It's perfect (length, subject-wise, respectful...). Just really good.
made for TV
I did not really word this appropriately for the question and answer to make sense, but Downton Abbey for sure. I've binge-watched the series (PBS episodes) more than once (and again with DD). The movie is great, but you have to know your stuff--there are no introductions or catch-up scenes or anything. The characters all just step out of the series finale on television and appear on the movie screen. The storyline is the tiniest bit kitschy; but it's very apparent why. The producers/writers/etc. wanted to show off every major character in their element/doing something important, so there are a few...improbable? obviously set up? contrived? moments where, like, the assistant cook has to run the potatoes upstairs RIGHT NOW or disaster will ensue (because we all want to clap for Daisy, not for anything to do with potatoes...). But anyway... there's another Downton movie coming, and even though I'm a little weary about them continuing to move forward in time (the show time-skipped faster than real-time, as in the characters' lives and happenings stretched from 1912 to 1920 in under 8 years of real chronological time of episodes showing on PBS-- so now there's a slight aging problem, with everyone's age being a little messed up from the age of the actor (nobody has been replaced), and the writers/producers being stuck with 'we have to go forward from here' and progress past 1920, even though there's technically unknown/missing time in the past that was not explored in episodes filmed earlier in the timeline... yeah, I know. Spaceship and Pimm particles, please.)
I can't believe I paid money to see it (sooo bad)
Assassination Nation
That was probably a misjudgment on my part. I'm a sucker for "huh, I'm intrigued by that" previews (without considering that previews are made to create mysteries and the expectation of thrills and originality, etc.). I kept being bombarded with this YouTube ad in...2017ish? For this film that seemed like it would be like a mystery/thriller/horror-lite thing with the stereotypical "hot teenage girls" and some mysterious presence and "who knows who is safe and who is possessed by evil" and all that stuff. This was during the time that I was becoming very mentally ill, I liked to be out of the house, and I was practicing writing up film crits for fun and to keep my brain focused on stuff besides my messed up thoughts.
Anyway, it was not a thrilling, fun-to-watch movie. Not for the screams, not for the plot, not even for being a modern campy stereotype. There were sequences that literally made no sense (from a storytelling point, pretty editing point, etc.). One passable quality: it did have the stereotypical teenage girls wearing the stereotypical barely-acceptably-modest clothes, and one of them was openly trans. There was one scene where they all have on these belted raincoats (to shield them from the bloodbath to follow) and are walking up the street with their arms linked, and it's backlit, and it is a really pretty (if not simple) shot.
But overall--do not recommend. Not worth paying to watch, on any platform. Not worth the time to watch even if you don't pay.
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Flake's podcast - Kisses (Küsse)
published 2022-03-23 (but probably already podcast sometime earlier)
Songs and thoughts about kisses, kissing (and not kissing), featuring some of the German bands we know Flake likes, like a double feature from 'Die Ärzte' (from abt 0h29.30) and also a double for 'Die Toten Hosen' (from 0h45). When Flake was younger, as a punk it was uncool to like Die Toten Hosen, Flake isn't completely sure why (because they were from the west? or not 'dirty' enough?, but secretly they all liked that band, just couldn't say it out loud. So in this podcast Flake would like to officially and boldly say: Yes, he likes Die Toten Hosen. 😁
Funny enough he won't play the band Kiss (does play a cover of one of their songs by Melvins at abt 0h11), which would have fitted to the theme, but Flake thinks Kiss are a bit overrated musically 🍀 (anyone want to bet he quarrelled with Richard over that 😁)
We also get some anecdotes and even kissing tips from Flake. First (at abt 0h16) Flake tells about kisses, not for love, but as greetings. Flake didn't know it, but in some cultures guys kiss eachother in greeting as well. He found out when the band (i take it this would have been Feeling B) went to Hungary, and the band were enthusiastically greeted by the landlord where they were staying, obviously with kisses on the cheeks. That confused Flake and when the guy turned to kiss 3 times, left right left, Flake also tried to turn, and the kiss ended up on the lips, which the band thought hilarious 😁. That actually was the first time ever Flake kissed any person on the mouth... so his first was the landlord in Budapest. Flake sends greetings to Hungary 😊
From 1h07 Flake starts announcing a song called 'Küssen kann man nicht alleine' (You can't kiss on your own). Flake likes the song, but doesn't agree with the statement, because you can kiss very well on your own, even more, you *should* practice kissing on your own when you're young and inexperienced, for instance on your arm, make sure to don't press too hard, don't suck too much. Flake pressed too hard ar first, thought the more emotional you got, the harder it should be, but no..the lips should touch lightly, but not too lightly, so anyway, you should practice.. Maybe if you have siblings you could practice with them, apparently sisters do (Flake isn't sure), but Flake only has a brother and didn't feel like kissing him. So anyway, try on your arm, different places on the arm, different ways to approach, not too fast, not too slow, not too much suction, to get some practice under your belt before you try for real. Another way to practice kissing yourself is in front of a mirror, build up some selfconfidence, love yourself (otherwise you can't love another). So: kiss on the arm, kiss in the mirror, and then go out and kiss for real 😙
Apart from kisses out of love, there's also a final kiss, a kiss goodbye, or a kiss before someone dies (1h28). Flake plays a song about an old couple, one of who dies. The song is situated at a sea. When the band, which happened to be Rammstein that's how Flake knows what happened, made the song they were at the Baltic sea (Ostsee) at Heiligendamm, and there was a sign that said 'Der Ort wo das Mer die Küste küsst' (which literally translated means 'The town where the sea kisses the coast', but that looses the play on words where 'Küste' (coast) and 'küsst' (kisses)). The band thought that play on words a bit daft, and that let to the song where the man dies, or the woman (Flake can't remember). The song was once titled "Der letzte Kuss" (The final kiss), but not anymore. (Now it's called 'Nebel')
At abt 1h38 Flake muses that there are a lit of songs titled 'Kiss me' or 'Küss mich', that many that they could have filled an entire podcast with just songs with that title. Flake thinks it's a silly phrase, because if you love someone you'll automatically want to kiss, and if you have to ask for it, that doesn't make the other person want to kiss you more.. And while Flake is complaining about all those songs, he realizes Rammstein themselves also have a song with that title 😁 but in their case they didn't mean to ask for a kiss for themselves, but it is about kissing the 'Fellfrosch' (the old title of the song), and the Fellfrosch is, basically, the female reproductive organ as a separate being. Flake doesn't want to elaborate, but you can hear the Fellfrosch in the song, the sound after the words 'Küss mich'.
Maybe (1h43) it seems a but stupid that Flake does the show and plays his own band, but he thinks that if he doesn't play them, no one will, and then what's the point of having made the music. Flake likes for others, and not just him, to hear the music as well, because he already knows the songs 😊
🎹
More rammblings on Flake's podcasts
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sillyrabbit81 · 3 years
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Her Heavy Cross
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Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?
Pairing: OMC x OFC
Word Count: approx 3k
Warnings: swearing, angst, implied smut
Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.
Part 10 Part 12
Part 11
The next few days were monotonous. Most mornings, I would go to the gym. Then I'd head off to work. After work, I'd take Perrin for a walk. We stopped at the dog park a few times to throw the ball. Then I'd go home and read or watch tv. After dinner, I would FaceTime Liam before falling asleep.
Although I missed him terribly, it had been good to have some space. I was able to think about us a bit. Liam was always great on the phone, a gentleman even. Yes, he flirted with me and made inappropriate comments, but they were always in context. I'd be lying if I said I didn't flirt with him back. But it was nice to get to know him better, and I decided I definitely liked him as a person and a lover. He was sweet, sincere, funny and warm, the same as he was when he was Will. He seemed to accept who I was. There were no digs at me, maybe some friendly ribbing, but it seemed he liked me too. We spent a lot of time laughing. We had a similar sense of humour.
He opened up about some of his past relationships, how he felt about them and what went wrong. A lot of the times, he admitted to fault, especially in the early ones. I talked a bit about Andy but kept a lot back. No doubt, he noticed.
Thursday afternoon changed everything.
Liam called me when I was driving home from work at about four-thirty. It broke with our routine. We usually spoke around nine o'clock. I answered the phone, and Liam's voice came through the speakers.
"Hello, Sweetheart. How was your day?"
I smiled at this now familiar greeting. "Really good, Liam. How was yours? Have you finished work already?"
"Yeah, good. I'm supposed to stay for another hour, but I wasn't needed, so I left." Liam paused and said, "Listen, Lana, I have to tell you something."
"Oh, no."
"Yesterday, a parent from your school saw the pictures of us." I went cold. I was 10 minutes from my house, but I pulled over. "She left a message on one of the pictures that you look like a teacher from her kid's school." Oh shit. "Anyway, this morning, you were on duty at the "kiss and drop", whatever that is."
Robotically I said, "it's where the parents drop the kids off at school without getting out of the car." I could see where this is as going.
"Right." He sounded strange but continued. "Well, they took a picture of you, put that side by side with the others. Long story short, Sarah was called to confirm your name."
"Oh, for fucks sake." I was pissed off. "What did she tell them?"
"She said she couldn't confirm or deny."
"In other words, yes, but my boss said, don't say anything."
"That's a bit unfair, Lana. She can't lie to them, or they won't bother calling her when they get a story. They will just run it because they can't trust what she says."
"Fuck this," I said and hung up on Liam.
I slammed my foot down on the accelerator and spun the tires. I had a Toyota Camry SX. It's sort of sporty, but it's not meant to be driven like that, but I was fuming. Liam rang again, but I ignored it. I backed off and slightly and rounded a corner, tires chirping as I went. I fumbled in my bag, driving one-handed until I found and lit a cigarette. As stupid as it was, I drove the rest of the way home like that.
When I got home, I quickly changed into my Draggin jeans, leather jacket and riding boots. I grabbed my helmet, gloves and went for a ride.
I loved being on the bike. Andy was the first guy I'd been with who rode. I remembered the first time he got me on the bike. He hadn't even let the clutch out, and I screamed and jumped off. The second time was better, and I went around the block before I got off. The third time, I was hooked. I loved holding onto his waist as we rode, my chest pressed against his back, my thighs touching his, my hands under his t-shirt. I loved the heavy thrumming of the bike, the wind whistling past. It was exciting, erotic, but also calming. Calming is what I needed.
I was so angry. Not at Liam or Sarah. Or even the bitch who outed me or the others who put my photo out there in the first place. I didn't know who I was angry with. Hollywood? Gossip? Social media? Myself? Maybe I was mad at myself. I deserved it. I'd turned my back on Andy, fucked another guy, and now I'm in a relationship with him, according to public record. Every time someone googles my name, his will come up.
The parents at school will give me looks, and I won't know what they are thinking. Will they be laughing at me? And if it didn't work out, everyone would know. I would have to go through a break up while everyone watched, picked at it, chose sides and commented.
I rode for about an hour up through the Blue Mountains. When I stopped for petrol at Wentworth Falls, my thoughts had settled, and I was thinking clearer. I stopped at a cafe, got a coffee and checked my phone. Liam had called twice more and sent a few messages. Riza had called and texted me.
I checked Riza's first. It was a link to an article, Liam Cross's Secret Aussie Lover. Her text simply said, "Jen just found this. Call me if you need me." I didn't click the link.
I checked Liam's. He said he wants to make sure I'm ok. Then he said he wants to come over and talk to me.
I called Liam. He seemed to answer before it even rang. "Sweetheart. Are you ok?" He sounded a bit frantic.
I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."
"I knew you'd be upset."
"Upset is one thing. I snapped at you and blamed Sarah. You're right. It's not her fault."
"Lana, don't worry about that. Did you read the article?"
"No."
Liam was quiet a while. Then he said, "Are you ok now?"
"Yeah, I'm ok. I just needed some time to calm down." I let out a short laugh. "I am a redhead after all. I have a temper."
Liam laughed, "Do I have to be worried about being stabbed in my sleep?"
"Nah, being a redhead wouldn't make me do that. I get that part of me from being a Scorpio."
"I don't know whether to be scared or turned on right now."
I smirked, "Why not be both?"
Liam laughed and then got serious. "You sure you're ok? Do you want me to come over? I almost did get in my car when you wouldn't answer."
"Stalker," I teased.
"And that's why I didn't."
"I'm not at home anyway."
"Where are you?"
"I took off on the bike to clear my head. I'm in the mountains right now."
"The mountains?"
"Yeah, the Blue Mountains. Look west tomorrow, and you'll see them."
"I'll do that." Liam paused. "I'm really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow."
"I'm looking forward to seeing you too. Bye, Liam."
"Bye, Sweetheart."
I finished my coffee and rode home.
I texted Riza to let her know I was ok. I played with Perrin. I texted my brother to remind him to pick Perrin up tomorrow afternoon. I ate some dinner before packing my bag for tomorrow and went to bed. It was a long time before I finally fell into a restless sleep.
Liam Cross's Secret Aussie Lover
"Pictures of Liam Cross, 38, with an unknown female were circulating on social media earlier this week, and tongues were set wagging.
"Users were quick to put their detective hats on and tracked down Cross's new flame late yesterday. The woman was identified as Mrs Alana Walker, 30, Sydneysider, and special education teacher. Not much else is known about Mrs Walker other than she was widowed in 2017.  Her husband, Andrew Walker, and father Brian Kelly were killed in a horrific Boxing Day crash when his car was destroyed by a truck driver who had a medical incident behind the wheel.
"Sources close to Cross say that he has been elated the past couple of months, and now they know why. They hope for his sake that this relationship will not be plagued by scandal like his previous relationships.
"For now, Cross's camp is remaining tight-lipped on the situation. While they don't deny a relationship, they will not confirm it.
"Cross is currently in Sydney for an adaptation of the widely popular and romantic fantasy epic Beyond the Stones series by C. W. Taylor. He will co-star alongside Australian Myra Roberts with an expected release in the northern hemisphere winter of 2022."
I woke on Friday morning and laid in bed for a while. I should have gone to the gym, but I just couldn't get my body to move. I wanted to chuck a sickie, blow off the whole day, maybe go for a swim, or just watch movies all day. I had an urge to watch Kill Bill for some reason. But I couldn't do that to the kids.
I knew I was just trying to avoid the parents at school. I'm sure most of them know by now. Gossip runs rampant at the school gate. We've all seen Big Little Lies. Probably all the staff knew too. It was one of those days where I wish I could just press fast forward and get to the part where I see Liam again. I didn't want to miss out on that.
In the end, I got up, showered and got ready for work. I tamed my hair, put on my war paint and dressed in black work pants, ballet flats and a pink knitted cardigan.
I started to pack my bag for the weekend, trying to work out what outfits I needed. I had decided what I wanted to wear for dinner tonight, but I didn't know what to wear to bed. Would I even need anything to wear? I blushed at the thought. I packed a basic set of pyjamas. I added jeans and a couple of t-shirts, a hoodie and my Dr Martens. I put some pretty underwear in there too. I didn't have much, just a white lace set which Liam had already seen and two black lace sets. I packed them all.
My phone beeped, and I got a message from Liam. It was a picture of his face all sweaty from working out. He had his tongue sticking out. He had written, I was going to send you a picture of my cock but thought that was a bit vulgar. So I decided to send you a picture of another part of my body that's going to fuck you tonight. Can't wait x.
My whole body grew hot, my stomach filled with butterflies, and I giggled. I started to reply with 'cheeky bastard', but then I had an idea. I sent him a picture of my face with my mouth open in an O shape, and I rested a finger on the corner of my lower lip. I wrote, I was going to send you a picture of my pussy but thought it was a bit obvious. So I sent you a picture of another part of my body that's going to get fucked tonight. X
Within a minute, I got a reply of: Game on, Sweetheart.
Well, if Liam wants to play a game, I can play a game.
I pulled my pyjamas out of my bag and put in a satin shift, pretty much my only sexy bedclothes. I thought about what other sexy photos I could take and packed a few other things. Then I made my lunch and headed off to work.
I rang Riza on the way to work. She asked me about how I was feeling. I told her I was dealing with it, but I said no more about it. I asked Riza about how she and Jen were going, and she said we would meet up soon.
"I miss you," she said.
"Yeah, I miss you too. Talk soon, ok?"
"Yeah, have a good weekend slut! Tell Liam I said hi."
"Suck a dick Riz."
We hung up, and almost immediately, Dave calls.
He doesn't say hello or anything, just launches in with, "Are you dating Liam Cross?" Fuck. "One of Lucy's friends just sent her an article about you and him."
No use denying it then. "Yeah, I am. He's the one I'm spending the weekend with." I braced for his reply.
"Fuck me dead. My fucking little sister is rooting Liam fucking Cross." His voice didn't sound angry. He sounded impressed.
I rolled my eyes. "It's not a big deal. Just don't forget to get Perrin and don't tell Mum."
"Not a big deal? The kids will go crazy when they meet him."
"Dave, we are hardly at the point where we are meeting families."
"Yeah, alright, keep your shirt on."
"I'll come by Sunday arvo to pick Perrin up?"
"Wanna stay for dinner?"
"Yeah, ok. See you then."
I ended the call and got to work not long after that. I went straight to my classroom, trying to avoid everyone. There was one person I couldn't avoid, and that was Marla, my teacher's aide. She was in her late 50s, though, so I thought she would be pretty safe. She didn't mention anything all morning, which was a relief.
At lunchtime, I stayed in the classroom. I told Marla I had some work to do, so she left me alone. I checked my phone and found a message from Liam.
It was a picture of Liam drinking from a bottle of pineapple juice, and it said, Me hydrating for tonight x.
His innuendo made me chuckle, but I had planned for something like this. I took a selfie of myself with a banana in my mouth and sent it with the caption: Presumptive much? Me carbo-loading for tonight.
Liam replied a little later with, I can't decide if I'm winning because my pics are better or if I'm still winning because yours are better.
Marla came back into the classroom about halfway through lunch. She pottered around the room, trying to look busy. She kept looking over at me. I felt myself start to panic. She wasn't acting like that this morning. She must know now. They all must know. I started wondering what everyone was saying about me in the staff room. They had probably sent Marla back to the classroom to see what information they could get out of me. The panic receded, and anger filled the void.
Eventually, I lost my temper. "Have you got something to say, Marla?"
Marla had the good grace to look ashamed. "No. Nothing."
I crossed my arms. "What are they saying?"
Marla sighed, "honestly? They're mostly pretty stoked about it. Happy for you."
I let my arms fall. My vision went a bit blurry. "Really?"
Marla came over and leaned against the table, and rubbed my back. "Oh, Darl, yeah, most of us remember what it was like for you. We just want you to be happy."
I smiled at her, but the tears still came. Marla gave me a tissue. "Thanks, Marla." I sniffed, "ugh, the parents, though. I'm not looking forward to that."
Marla smiled and said, "don't worry about it, Darl. I'll fill in for ya this arvo, and you can do my Wednesday lunch duty. How's that?" I thanked her. Relieved, I hugged her and cleaned myself up.
When school had finished, I made a mad dash to the car park. I knew I was just putting off the inevitable. I'd have to show my face in front of the parents sooner or later, but I decided it was Monday's problem.
I checked my phone before I headed off to Liam's place. He had sent me a shirtless picture of himself with some rope curled up around his shoulder and written, One of my costumes has a rope. It made me think of you. I'm about to leave. See you soon.
Dammit, I couldn't think of a response to that one! I sat and thought about it for ages. I was not about to give in easily. Then it came to me. I got my water bottle and one of my spare undies from my overnight bag. I wet them a bit, put the underwear and water bottle on the bag and took a picture of them both. I wrote. My water bottle leaked in my bag, and my panties got wet. It made me think of you. I'm on my way.
The three circles came up within seconds, and Liam sent, You are in so much trouble, Sweetheart. Park around the back.
And because I can't control my tongue in real life or texts, I wrote back, That's what she said.
I didn't wait for a reply. I just put an audiobook on and drove.
Part 12
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thomasvol6 · 6 years
Text
Do you remember? // Phanfiction
Word count: 2.7k
Warnings: slight swearing, fluff, very light smut
Summary: Dan and Phil have been married for 16 years and one night in bed they decide to re-live their favourite moments together
“Can you sleep?”
“Not really”
“Same”
Phil rolled over to face his husband. They had been married for 16 years now but his heart still did that ‘flippy-over thing’ every time he looked in Dan’s eyes, just like it did the first time they kissed, back in 2009 on the Manchester Eye.
“Do you remember our first kiss?” Phil asked softly, still staring fondly at his husband’s eyes
“Oh so that’s where we’re going?” Dan replied chuckling at Phil’s cheesiness. He sometimes had these moments where he just started being incredibly cheesy and romantic, he had always had them and Dan surely couldn’t complain because he loved them.
“I was just thinking at how far we’ve come…I mean, 20 years ago we were lying on our bed, nervous as hell to publish PINOF 10, and now we are married and we have a 15 years old son and a 5 years old daughter together…time flies” Phil said as he started playing with a curl from Dan’s hair.
“Shit we’re going to die like tomorrow”
“Oh c’mon don’t kill the atmosphere with your sad thoughts”
“You’re right, sorry…by the way yes, I do remember our first kiss as well as our last one”
“Our last o-“ Phil didn’t manage to end his question because Dan had moved slightly forward to give him a quick kiss and rest his head on Phil’s shoulder
“We had been walking around Manchester for hours and decided to go for one ride on the wheel and then go home. You payed for both our tickets even though I had insisted that I wanted to pay and the man at the ticket booth pulled the most annoyed face ever because I wouldn’t stop insisting, so you took my hand and dragged me in our cabin. It was cabin number 22 and we were the only people around as it was a monday evening. You kept staring at me and I was like ‘fuck it’ so I leaned in like I was going to rest my head on your shoulder, but then I kissed you and you seemed so shocked that I was afraid I’d hurt you. You re-arranged my fringe and put your hand on mine and we just stayed like that for the rest of the ride, smiling at each other. Wait- are you crying? Oh baby I’m sorry!” said Dan whilst passing his thumb of Phil’s cheeks to dry his tears.
“I…I just got a little emotional, you made me travel back in time there, you know?” said Phil almost apologising.
“Why don’t you make me travel a bit now?”
“Sure, where do you want to go?”
“Mmh…maybe our first time? Too much?”
“No, not at all. Close your eyes though, okay? So…it was a couple months since our first kiss and you were coming to stay at my house for a whole week! I couldn’t wait to spend all that time with you and I remember our last skype call, the night before you came here, where you were so happy you couldn’t calm down so you ended up not managing to sleep a minute that night, and when you arrived here you were really tired. My mom, bless her, had prepared the guests room for you, even though I had told her that we were together. I’m pretty sure she was just fine with it and it was my dad to be over-protective about the whole thing so he asked mom to set up the guests room, but anyways…Where was I? Oh yes, you were knackered so I asked you if you wanted to just lay on the sofa and watch a movie together. Being geniuses, we watched Wall-e, like the saddest movie ever, and ended up crying like two babies by the end of it. At that point it was about 4pm and we agreed that if we had a nap we would never be able to sleep during the night, so we decided to go grocery shopping and cook dinner, since my parents had gone to visit my aunt up in Scotland for the week. We went out without our coats and regretted it immediately but we were both too lazy to go back up to get them, so we decided to freeze our way to the store. I think we had seen this recipe on TV earlier and for some reason decided to bake a chicken and aubergines pie, so we bought what we needed and practically ran back home as it was really really cold outside, you know, december…
As soon as we arrived home we were so cold that we decided to snuggle on my bed for a while before cooking and so we did, but then you started to tease me putting your hand on my thigh and kissing me. When I realised what you were doing, I started to do the same. I started stroking your thigh going everytime a little bit higher and closer to your crotch, until you started complaining about the teasing. You were the one who had started!”
Dan let out a chuckle at the memory but didn’t open his eyes, he was in full immersion.
“So…the rest you know” Phil stopped himself from telling the whole story because he knew it would have gotten both him and Dan horny and it would have been a mood killer.
“Yeah I do. Did you like it?” said Dan still keeping his eyes closed but smiling from ear to ear
“Of course I did, you dingo! It wasn’t as nice as it is now, maybe, because neither of us were experienced almost at all and especially not with each other, but it was a great first time. I mean, I had only been with a girl before you and let me just say it’s definitely not the same thing!”
“I hadn’t been with anyone before you, actually” said Dan, only at this point opening his eyes to look at his husband’s reaction
“Yeah I know babe, it was so obvious that you lied about not being a virgin!” answered Phil surprising Dan
“What?? You knew? Oh that’s embarrassing!”
“It’s not embarrassing at all! I actually like the idea that I’m the only one who ever fucked you”
“Philip Michael Lester Howell, first of all, did you just say ‘fuck’? And second of all, we’re 50 years old. I think ‘fucked you’ isn’t the best of ways to describe our love making”
“I’ll tell you what, Daniel James Howell Lester, I say whatever the fluff I want!” said Phil not managing to keep a straight face and bursting in laughter. They both cuckled for a while until Phil said “Hey, I want to travel more! Tell me about our wedding pleeeease”
He closed his eyes waiting for Dan to start telling the story but he was surprised by a quick soft kiss, and his blood started to go to his shoulder again as his husband had moved his head onto his own pillow.
“Sooo, let’s go back to 2022, shall we? I remember being so nervous I actually threw up a couple of times the night before and I wanted to call you so bad but I decided to be strong and ended up suffering alone, until my brother came to look for me in the bathroom. He knocked and came in without waiting for any reply and as soon as he saw the mess I was he sat next to me on the floor and put his hand on my knee, like a silent ‘I’m here’. After a couple minutes of silence I said something like ‘I really love him’ or ‘I love him so much’ and Adrian hugged me saying ‘I know you do’. I didn’t sleep a minute that night and was about to text you a million times but I actually only did it once, to say goodnight to you. You replied IMMEDIATELY and I remember thinking that maybe you were in my same situation” Dan stopped to check if Phil was still awake
“I was in the exact same situation, just without the throwing up part, you know my stomach is made of iron!” Phil said keeping his eyes shut.
“Yeah, I know. Anyways, when my mom came to wake me up in the morning she was really excited to see that I was already up and getting prepared. She said she had made pancakes for me downstairs and that my suit had been ironed and was waiting for me in the laundry room. I ate my pancakes and put on the suit, then went to check if Adrian was ready. He was still in his pj’s but the ring boxes were ready and his suit had been ironed too so it was no big deal. As soon as I saw you walking towards me in the wedding garden I completely forgot of any worryings or preoccupations and my heart was filled in with just love. I can’t even remember what the guy who married us was saying because all I could think of was how could you possibly look even more beautiful than usual in that suit. Yet, you did. I still remember, though, my votes. ‘Phil, I promise I’ll always be by your side: when you decide to dress up as punks, when you want to have 3-hour-breakfasts and when you want to live the rest of our lives together. I promise I will do the laundry every saturday as we decided 10 years ago, that I will tell you when I finish the milk and that I’ll take Nuki out for walkies more often. I love you Phil, I’ve loved you since when, back in 2008, I would watch your videos to relax, I loved you when you asked me to move in your flat and I loved you even more when you told me that there was powerful wifi- I mean…when you said that you loved me too’ Jesus, I think I will remember that forever” Dan said with a smile on his face
“That was a wonderful speech, I can imagine you remember that I couldn’t contain my tears, too” replied Phil, him smiling too.
“Your turn again! I want…mmh…the day we finally took Noah home please” said Dan closing his eyes again and settling down
“Okay, soooo 2023. It was the 31st march when they called us from the hospital saying that Noah was arriving. I remember literally grabbing our wallets and keys and RUNNING downstairs like the building was on fire. You almost got killed by a taxi whilst trying to get him to stop, which ended up working, but still! Anyways, we got to the hospital in 10 minutes and ran through the corridors trying to find the room. When we finally found it, room 209, and walked in, we were immediately attacked by the nurses who quickly gave us gloves and and masks and went back to the bed where Lauren was. She seemed really happy to see us but also kind of terrified. Mmmh...I guess it's because a baby was about to exit her ladydoor"
“I cAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT” screamed Dan pushing himself up with his elbows. He didn't scare Phil, though. He was expecting a similar reaction.
“Shhhhh you're gonna wake Emily!” said Phil, now on his elbows too
“From here it's much easier to wake Noah, Emily is three rooms away!”
“Earlier, when I went to the loo, I checked if the kids were alright and Emily had crawled in Noah’s bed. She’s probably had another nightmare”
“Oh bless her. By the way, our 15 and 5 years old kids sleep together every now and then?? You realise that's parenting goals, yeah?”
“Well my brother and I used to do that every now and then too, but I guess it's because he's only a year and a half older than me"
“Exactly. Plus, 15 is a critical age! You know, he's starting to seriously grow and that kinda scares me"
“First of all, we’re freakishly tall so I don't think he's ever going to be taller than us. Second of all, he's only like 5’5. Third, I'm really scared too. What if he's going to meet someone on the internet and run away with them??”
“Oh you mean like I did? Yeah I hope that doesn't happen”
“You were 19, Dan”
“No, I was kidding” said Dan playing with his husband’s face “Now, can you resume the story telling?”
“Oh yeah right, so Lauren was screaming a lot and I don't know about you but she was holding my hand really tight, I thought it was going to explode!”
“Same"
“But finally, after about 5 minutes, Noah came out, screaming a lot too, and the nurses washed him before giving him to Lauren to breastfeed him. He was perfect, about 3.5 kilos and 50cm long. His big brown eyes stared at us for a bit before closing and then he slept for like 10 hours.
When, three days later, we finally brought him at home, we were both really emotional but his room was so cute! Do you remember it? We had put a tiny little wooden bed and painted the walls of pastel light blue. The floor was a very light green moquette and we had bought those huge Ikea plastic leaves so the whole room looked like a forest.
Being right next to our room, we could (and still can) hear everything he did so for the first couple of months it was really difficult for us to sleep, but then we got used to it and now I don't even notice it anymore to be honest. We were so happy when he arrived home and every free minute we would talk and sing to him our favourite songs, but the only song that managed to make him fall asleep was Interrupted By Fireworks. Do you remember how many times we played it at the stereo? I think probably more than ten thousand times...anyways, I think Noah’s love for books comes from the fact that we used to read to him constantly so hey, that's some good parenting right there!”
“It sure is!” said Dan “My turn, I'm telling Emily’s story.
We had decided, this time, to adopt, so after contacting the agency and signing all those papers and various meetings with various people, we only got to see a photo of Emily in june 2033! She was a week old, so it was the 27th, and she was sooo cute! She had very light blue eyes and very thin,almost white hair. I remember the nurse who was taking care of her telling us to make sure we thought her some Swedish so that she could learn about her origins. I think she knows it pretty well by now, doesn't she?”
“Definitely, plus both her and her brother love Knäckebröd so I think we've done a good job with that too” said Dan, satisfied.
“Yeah...Dan?”
Dan turned on his side to face Phil, as a silent ‘Yes?’
“I love our life. Thank you for giving me all this” said Phil, getting teary again
“Oh baby I love it too. I love our kids, I love our dog, I love our home and I love you, so much”
Phil kissed his husband then went back on his pillow
“Now I'm gonna go make us tea and check the kids, could you go lock the door please?” said Dan getting out of bed
“Sure” replied Phil, him also putting his feet on the floor and slowly standing up to not get dizzy
“I really needed this tea, you know?” said Phil stroking Dan's hand with his
“I think at this point I'm pretty good at reading your mind. Let's see...mmmh...right now you're thinking that you'd like to fuck me" said Dan moving his fingers on his head like he was actually reading Phil's mind
“Hey! You told me off like an hour ago for saying that!”
Dan chuckled and pulled the duvet to his chin, pulling a fake innocent face
“But you're right actually, you are pretty good at reading my mind"
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threeletterslife · 2 years
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HI CHICKPEA I HOPE YOU’RE DOING WELL
How was your Christmas/ break? I literally just saw a notification for your new work AND OMG THIS REALLY FEELS LIKE A NEW YEARS GIFT BECAUSE YOU POSTED IT AS SOON AS IT TURNED 12 FOR ME AAAHHH. I’m not sure if it’s new years for you yet but happy New Years! 🥰♥️ I hope your wishes come true this year and if you have any resolutions, that they also work out for you. Do you have any resolutions in mind atm?
I remember starting 2021 off with your dystopian au (I can still rave about this I swear this is literally one of my most favourite series out there) and now I’m excited for your new one to see me through this year!!
Anyway I just wanted to come on here and appreciate you and all the effort you put into your work. You’re an amazing writer and it’s so fascinating how the work you put out is always top quality ah
Thank you for your efforts and I hope loads more people are able to appreciate it too!
CHICKPEA I LOVE THIS PLEASEJFLSD
my christmas break is going so well! i'm just chilling and resting and eating and writing and catching up on shows/movies! idk why time flies when you're having fun 😭 i can't believe it's already been like two weeks since break started
anywho! LOLOL I CAN'T BELIEVE IT POSTED AT 12 FOR YOU?? so many pple have been telling me happy new years 😭😭 but i'm hours behind from everyone so i've been sitting in 2021 for a while now 😄 but i digress! i hope your new years is wonderful and all of your resolutions (if you have any) will come true <3
for resolutions, i've already made a list of things i need to get done. i'm going to go for a healthier, more stress-free lifestyle in 2022. i'd love to work out every day (or AT LEAST three times a week), learn other coding languages and continue writing lod until i (hopefully) finish this year. i also need to think of what to publish AFTER lod. (i have about 3-4 series that are competing to be next in line! but i've still got time to ruminate)
i can't believe the society series is one of your favorite series!! i feel so honored! and it's still unbelievable to me that that series is finished (i think i finished it earlier this year?) i'm still not ready to let some of the characters go 😭😭 but i really wish lod can serve some justice!!
and thank you so much! i'd rather not post my work at all if it were half-assed LOL. (it's be close to perfect or go home for me 😭) i'm really glad that my effort shows, and you're able to enjoy my writing!!! i feel very lucky to have readers like you out there :)))
i want to thank you for putting the time in to send such a sweet message to me. hope the new year treats you well!!!
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