#anyway nothing but respect for my count dracula

[popculturebuffet]

Next up for Warner Bros Animation, favorite character from the 2002-08 half of the Kids WB shows with: Mucha Lucha, Ozzy & Drix, What's New Scooby Doo, Xiaolin Showdown, The Batman, Johnny Test (this oughta be interesting since it aired on three different networks with varying seasons of quality with seasons 1-3 premiering on Kids WB, seasons 4-6 being produced for Cartoon Network, and the revival seasons being produced for Netflix), Loonatics Unleashed, Tom & Jerry Tales, Shaggy & Scooby Doo Get a Clue, and Legion of Superheroes? I skipped Coconut Fred since everyone and their mother despises that show (one of the worst of all time).

Jesus Christ that's a lot. Also look given some past entires here, Coconut Fred is being kept on the grounds that it shoudn't be forgotten just for being horrible. like da boom crew which I thankfully haven't seen. So anyways..

Coconut Fred's Fruit Salad Island: I saw it at the time and it.. sure does exist. It's a half hearted spongebob ripoff. I'm talking about it because it did exist but don't have much else. Maybe I shoudl've left it out but i've let worse shows have an entry. This is just.. ntohing.

Mucha Lucha: IT'S A WAY OF LIFE! Senior Hasbena who just had a fun voice and a great early spotlight episode. The show itself is one I need to revisit but is awesome as hell, having a nice respect for luchadore culture while also being pretty nonsesically fun. While I would love a full on wrestling action series, this one was still good fun and needs ot be avaliable to stream in some fashion.

Ozzy and Drix: Drix if only because he was my faviorite in the movie. This series feels.. unecessary. It's not a bad idea but both frank's state at the start and Ozzie and Drix ending up elsewehere make it feel like the first film didn't matter and it feels weird to just.. not keep the setting. If they wanted kid plots, Frank has a daughter. That gripe aside the series was ... eh. Not terrible, but nothing really super special either.

Xiaolin Showdown: Jack Spicer. The boy, the myth the legend and Danny Cooksy's best role by a wide margin. A fun villian who was laughable enough to never get boring and stick around long after he'd been outclassed by newer big bads. Xiaolin Showdown is one of the best cartoons of this era, one of the best of this action show block and one of the best. I rewatched it in college and was amazed it held up so well. The show is genuine about our four heroes working, said four heroes while having familiar archetypes for the most part, are great characters who are a load of fun to watch and the format of the showdowns is engagin: while it does usually lead to some form of fight the contest format adds a nice wild card to it: our heroes can end up in a game where telling the truth is the only way out, a soccer match for OMi's soul, or a battle royale with all present. IT's a wonderful show I wish would get a proper revivial. And no Chronciles dosen't count, chronciles can go fuck itself.

The Batman: Another one to revisit and i'd say clayface as the twist of him being someone batman knew and trusted is utterly guttnig. I gave up on this one early for petty reasons depsite having most of the toys: I hated what they did with mr freeze and felt it couldn't compare to btas. Time has passed and with the later seasons adding some nice swerves i've accepted the show is it's own thing, trying to be a more action oriented shonen to forge it's own identity from the more moody btas. And it did apparently get better and better as it went and having seen a later episode or two casually , I can agree. Plus I admit to loving the touch of having batgirl join up before batman. Also the movie where he fights dracula is fucking dope and wel lworth your time.

Johnny Test: I'd say the twins for being usually hilaroius. As for the show.. it's eh. I used to hate it

But I now see it as an okay show that had some fun bits, and what I saw of the revival, as sadly short lived as it was, was better. It's still not AMAZING, but it wasn't the mindless garbage it got labeled as either. Nor a dexter's lab ripoff.. I do think they took some inspriation from it clearly, I mean look at the twins... but when you look at the cast none of them really match up to dexter's aside from the twins, whose crush on gil and age diffrenate them just enough. It's not an amazing show but it's hate was overblown.

Loonatics Unleahsed: Look the base concept of "The looney tunes as superhero: could be fun. I have a batman daffy and superman bugs on my desk as I type this. They did skits of the kind. The problem is lonatics wanted to be batman beyond with looney tunes and it never worked as a kid and dosen't work now.

Tom and Jerry Tales; I love tom and jerry but i've barely seen this.

Shaggy and Scooby Doo Get a Clue: The timing on this one as good as i've been watching through this on and off with @jess-the-vampire recently. I don't really have a faviorite. As for the show itself it's overhated like the last two entries and honestly.. it's okay. It's nothing amazing thus far, trying to be venture bros by having henchman 2 be an obvious ripoff of 21. Which wouldn't bother me if they did it right but instead he's just annoying. That being said it's still not a terrible series: the theme song is terrible but the show itself is solid, having intresting sometimes bonkers plot and shoudlnt' be vilified for breaking formula. It may not entirely work.. but I can respect TRYING something new an dhope go go mystery machine is a better version of this.

Legion of Super Heroes: Bouncing Boy: this series kept his goofy powers but also what works: someone who badly wanted to join the legion, never gave up and then threw in his reboot self's pilot skills and flsehd out his perosnality.

As for the show i'm a big legion of superheroes fan and this show is part of what brought me to the clubhouse. It's a slick show that nicely merges the two continuties it had to work with: the pre zero our one from the silver age and beyond and the reboot that helped ground things (The third reboot, yes three and there was a fourth long after, was just happening around this time so only star boy being black made the cut from there), while keeping the silver age namesan dastetic from before.

The result is a fun show that loves the legion dearly, has a great cast of characters and despite being made to have a teen superman show dosen't let clark overshadow everyone else: he's the lead.. but most of the main cast get a focus episode over the course of season 1. I"ll admit season 2 isn't quite as good as due to executive mandates the female cast is sidelined in places and imperix is a boring villian, while superman x, superman but EDGGGYYYYY just isn't that intresting. But season 2 isn't all bad with some standout episodes, the addition of chameleon boy and a truly chilling arc with brainy and an old friend I won't spoil for those who haven't seen the show. This series is a little seen gem that needs more love.

I realized as we worked on this I almost forgot something important, a series that begs for the spotlight so..

What's New Scooby Doo: We're comin after you, we're gonna solve that mystery. This is a hard one as the gang is reinvented well but i'd have to go with Fred, whose goofiness begins. After the great prequel that was pup named scooby doo and the success of the live action movie, What's New was a reinvention of the franchise in an odd way: it goes back to the gangs old actors , minus grey delise making her debut as daphne, and old style of writing thigns but updates it in a way that dosen't feel too dated now: sure the gang does extreme sports, but it's not to rocket power levels and fits for Daphne.

This series also cements fred and daphne's new roles going forward, roles that helped keep the character fresh despite the dozens of films and handful of series to come. Fred was dialed back from teh conpsiarcy theroist of pup, but instead became the bumbling tourist, a tad awkawrd in places and a tad over excited in others. It added nice layers to him besides solving mysteries and bullying his best friend and it left the door open for him to get reinvented a lot. Daph meanwhile, got a welcome reinvention that let her fit into the classic gang better: like her pup counterpart she often uses fashion, her wealth is more displayed (if not used as a fucntion) but her friendly nature and willingness to get into things (or easliy getting into activties she hated at first), all debuted here.

What's New is a fun series: shorter than you'd think, but having watched it about twice with jess , it holds up really well, combinging the usual formula with some fun hyjinks and creative setups. Sometimes it was bonkers, but it was a solid return to form that let the series experiment more with the next few, and deserves more credit for helping codify a lot of the modern franchise.

[chibishortdeath]

Woahg, that’s a lot—

Explanations under a cut :3

This is Simon like immediately after defeating Dracula. Just sitting on his knees, hands on his face. He needs a minute, but he’s not gonna get a long one cause the castle is collapsing—

Wow! What a nice happy family :3. I sure hope nothing happens to them! :3 I’ve always liked to arrange the series of events like first Selena and Simon met and got married, then the Dracula stuff went down, so uh yeah uh fan interpretation of their (currently) unnamed kids.

The text here says “where’s momma?”, said by his daughter (who by this point is 2-3 about). Shout out to the artist ability to make yourself really sad—

Just Simon and the kids chillin. He probably was a really good dad, just kinda struggling.

Little quick doodle of the designs of the kids. Agh I need to name both of them (TwT ). It’s hard, I feel like they gotta have nice but cool names, but I just haven’t found any I like yet. Anyway, the one on the left is the older daughter and the one on the right is the younger brother and as of Simon’s quest they are 10 and 7 respectively. The brother would’ve been born the year of CV1 if I have my math right, so when Simon was 22.

Sobbing! It be like that sometimes 💀. This might count as like one part vent art and one part just expression and emotion practice :O.

This one also kinda counts as vent art I guess lol idk. It says “I did everything right”. I was thinking of a specific audio while drawing this and tbh I might actually have to animate something hmmm. Or just still images cause animation is hardddddddd oof. The text isn’t like from the audio or anything either (>< ;).

This one is based on an old insert character here kind of meme :D. The text says “step 1: establish character with a little worry but a lot of determination. Step 2: inflict soul crushing trauma Step 3: inflict soul crushing trauma—“ and that repeats until step 5 lol. The original meme only had two images, but each of these are supposed to be based on specific events so yeah. First one is just pre CV1, then the moment he got hit, then shortly after leaving the castle, then in the graveyard 6 years later, then somewhere in the middle of his quest.

This one is fun!!!!!! It’s an idea for like a double sided keychain :D!!!!! One side has the like CV1/CV4 era Simon swinging on one of those loops and the other is Simon’s Quest!!! And it’s supposed to be the Hanged Man tarot card!!! So cool!!! Idk how making keychains works so if I actually did this I’d probs just make one in shrink plastic tbh. But ough it would be so cool to actually make and sell little fan keychains and stuff (TwT ).

This one I don’t remember if I’ve posted or not but it’s never getting finished 💀💀💀. Gotta love drawing The Character in increasingly dynamic poses and surreal ways.

Ok it’s super late I have to sleep 💀👍

[haomnyangz]

vlad + count dracula throughout the series (S1-S5) YOUNG DRACULA (2006-2014)

[anncanta]

Wing to wing

Fandom: Dracula (2020)

Characters: Count Dracula, Agatha Van Helsing

Relationship: Dracula/Agatha Van Helsing

Rating: Mature

Thanks to @khyruma​ – the beta of this work. You are beautiful and I am your fan.

@alma37 @hopipollahorror @ravenathantum @flutteringphalanges

Read on AO3

Or read below

‘Was it necessary to tell them that Mr. Balaur was you?’

Agatha tried unsuccessfully to move and leaned back again on Dracula, to whom she was tied back to back. On the other hand, she thought, okay, he did a stupid thing, but who was making her talk? Why did she claim to be a vampire?

‘What should I say? Balaur is important to all of them. To some, he is a partner, to others – a patron, and they had nothing to accuse him of,’ Dracula responded angrily. ‘I wanted to calm them down. If you didn't meddle with your... lectures on linguistics, we would be free.’

‘You would be free,’ Agatha corrected. She jerked her hand awkwardly and groaned as pain pierced her wrists.

When taken by surprise in cabin number nine, Dracula presented the imaginary ‘killer’ to the frightened captain and passengers, Agatha was dragged to hang without any equivocation. Standing with a noose around her neck on a barrel and fighting weakness and nausea, she tried to appeal to their minds. Alas, in vain. They needed the culprit for the horror they experienced. Agatha was perfect for this.

She looked down at Dracula, as Olgaren and Sokolov were arguing, who was casting meaningful glances at her, and shouted the first thing that came to her mind.

And she made a mistake.

Whatever Agatha wanted to achieve, the word ‘vampire’ did not help her in this, sowing panic and anger among the passengers. She was helplessly watching the dispute, turning into a fight, when suddenly Olgaren, apparently deciding to end everything at once, jumped to the mast to which Agatha was tied, and pushed the barrel.

Peeling off the skin, a rope cut into Agatha's neck. Almost blinded by horror and pain, Agatha felt herself falling down... and landed in a tight embrace.

‘I still think, gentlemen,’ she heard through the noise in her ears, ‘that the situation should not be made... ugly.’ Lifting her eyes and rubbing her neck, Agatha looked at Dracula skeptically. ‘We'd better turn the criminal over to the authorities.’

‘Who are you to tell us what to do?’ Olgaren asked snootily.

Then Dracula said it. That he is Mr. Balaur.

The rest happened so quickly that neither Agatha nor Dracula had time to react. Surprisingly harmoniously for the people who had almost fought a minute earlier, the remnants of the crew and passengers of the Demeter pounced on them and, tying them to each other, dragged them to cabin number nine.

‘How I hate it,’ Agatha said, looking at the wooden ceiling. ‘This fatuous cabin. And you probably provoked them on purpose. Your games again!’ she flared up. ‘If you were so easy to tie, I would have –”

‘What?’ such a frank smile sounded in Dracula's voice that Agatha wanted to elbow him. Alas, she still couldn't even move her hand. ‘Would you tie me up? Immobilize me?’ he paused. ‘And then what, Agatha?’

‘I would kill you,’ Agatha replied casually.

‘Are you so sure?’

‘What else can I do with you?’

‘Judging by how cleverly you handle the knife,’ he grinned, ‘you yourself have a liking to… different games. Those bodily, hot, and passionate.’

In the silence that followed his words, Agatha heard her breathing and the distant rustle of waves coming from the porthole.

‘You think too… highly of yourself,’ she said quietly, looking down at her own bound hands. ‘And besides,’ she turned slightly, speaking louder, ‘you wouldn’t allow me anything like that anyway.’

‘Oh, why?’

‘Because you are arrogant, obsessed with power, and... and why are we talking about this at all?’

The broad back, on which Agatha was leaning, straightened.

‘You are wrong, Agatha,’ ignoring the question, said a low voice near the top of her head, ‘I would gladly put myself into your hands. And take whatever you’d give me.’

Agatha felt her cheeks begin to glow and knew that with the nape of his neck he felt the pulse beating on hers. She took a breath.

‘You have a false opinion of me,’ she said, clearing her throat. ‘I know little about such pleasures. As you can see, I'm not pretty,’ Agatha added sharply. ‘Therefore, no one was particularly eager to…’

‘You are attractive, intelligent, and passionate,’ he smiled again, ‘an enchanting combination. And I don't care about those who were so blind as not to notice it. As for inexperience – it just means that before letting you deal with me, I should... well, let's say, put you in the know. Trust me, it's very fast.’

Saying this, he made a short movement, and the ropes that held them together disappeared. Agatha looked at the scraps on the floor and shook her head. Another performance, as she thought.

‘I don’t want to listen to your obscenities,’ she frowned. ‘Have your respect, Count Dracula. Remember you are talking to a nun.’

‘To the same nun who teased a naked man in the middle of the yard?’ clarified Dracula, getting up. Agatha said nothing. Now they stood looking at each other. ‘Exactly, a nun,’ said Dracula. ‘Aren't you interested in how it all works?’

‘That’s none of your business,’ snapped Agatha. She tried desperately not to look embarrassed, telling herself that he was just palavering to her, trying to fool her, like the passengers and the crew – with rope and captivity. She needs to find out what he really wants.

He looked around.

‘No, we need to get out of here.’

‘So you can possess me?’

‘So you know what you are giving up.’

Dracula went to the porthole and began to examine the lock.

‘To possess…’ he muttered annoyedly. ‘Where do such expressions come from? Were you raised in a monastery? Oh yes,’ turning to Agatha, who grunted, he held out his hand to her. ‘Come here.’

‘I’m not going anywhere with you,’ Agatha said. ‘You are ill-mannered and socially dangerous.’

‘Well, you were definitely taught by a German governess with a three-foot ruler,’ Dracula sighed and went up to her. ‘Do you want guarantees?’

‘What guarantees?’ Agatha was surprised.

‘What do you suggest,’ Dracula threw up his hands. ‘How should I behave so that you condescend to my company?’

‘Stop drinking blood,’ Agatha said uncertainly. ‘Do not attack people –’

‘Die,’ continued Dracula happily.

‘Listen!..’

‘Quiet,’ he raised his hand and walked to the door. He stood for a while, listening, then returned to Agatha. ‘Here's what we’ll do,’ he said. ‘I'll taste animal blood. Let's say dogs or pigs. This will at least prevent me from starving to death. I’ll still need human blood, Agatha,’ seeing her eyes flashing, Dracula immediately said. ‘Blood is lives. Not just food, but stories. But I'm sure that I can think of something here too,’ he added. ‘And now – we are leaving.’

He went back to the porthole, tore off the iron lock with one hand, then grabbed the frame and tore it out by the roots. Agatha, amazed, watching his actions, approached and carefully touched the edges of the splintered boards sticking out in the place of the window.

‘Why did you do it?’ she asked. ‘You can turn into bats.’

‘For you,’ Dracula said shortly and pushed her towards the aperture. ‘Hurry.’

Taking a deep breath, Agatha climbed out the window.

***

‘They'll think they were right about us,’ Agatha said, leaning the back of her head against the side of the carriage.

‘Because the guilty are running?’

Agatha nodded.

Dracula shrugged.

‘The main thing is that there should be no chase. But I think they were happy to get rid of us.’

‘Oh yes,’ she smiled involuntarily. She closed her eyes. ‘I feel so dizzy... And the road is so... bumpy.’

‘Lie down.’ Looking at Dracula, Agatha saw him pointing to his lap. ‘There is nothing more I can do for you,’ he said in response to her indignant look.

‘I did not ask…’

‘We have a few more hours to go,’ Dracula interrupted her. ‘You will vomit. I have nothing against natural fluids,’ he said, ‘if you remember. But I don’t think you will enjoy traveling in a carriage full of…’

‘I get it,’ Agatha said wearily. ‘Thank you,’ she added very quietly, her head resting on his firm knees covered with a woolen cloak.

‘You are welcome!’ smiled Dracula, running his fingers through her hair.

Agatha quickly fell asleep from rhythmic swaying, fatigue, and weakness.

***

Agatha woke up feeling herself being carried somewhere. Opening her eyes, she breathed in the scent of fine wool mixed with the smell of the road, and at once, remembered everything.

‘We're almost there,’ Dracula's deep voice resonated in her chest and echoed throughout her body.

‘Put me down, I'll go myself,’ Agatha said in a voice hoarse from sleep.

‘Not worth it,’ Dracula turned, took a few more steps. The sound of the door being unlocked was heard, and, raising her head, Agatha saw that they had come into the bedroom.

‘Bed,’ Agatha moaned with relief.

‘And clean linen, and a bath, and breakfast,’ Dracula laughed cheerfully. ‘People need so much.’

‘You need that too,’ Agatha said, wrinkling her nose. ‘By the way, what about your… food…’ she began as Dracula threw back the covers and put her on the bed.

Dracula straightened, smiling, as she pulled the covers up to her chin.

‘Don't worry, Agatha,’ he said. ‘I will not stay hungry. Not far from here there is a barnyard with pigs in it. Not the most sumptuous breakfast, but…’

‘But better than killing innocents,’ Agatha yawned. Her eyes began to droop again.

‘If I start killing the guilty, I’ll get fat,’ Dracula chuckled. ‘I’ll leave you, dear. If you need anything, call the maid – her room is nearby.’

‘But what about your desire to show me... what is there... what I have lost...’ Agatha muttered sleepily, ‘when I left for the monastery?’

‘Not today,’ she opened her eyes when he was again very close. ‘Get some rest. We will talk about your lapses in life and your innocence later,’ Dracula finished in a very intimate whisper and left the room.

Agatha looked after him thoughtfully, turned over on her side, and fell asleep.

***

The next day, waking up fresh and rested, Agatha found at her disposal a wardrobe full of clothes, a helpful and efficient maid, and an excellent breakfast. Having dealt with the latter, she washed off the road dirt, and, asking the maid where she could find the Count, Agatha went down to the first floor.

The house was large, obviously old, and the previous owners seemed to have left it quite recently. Looking out of the living room window, Agatha saw the garden and the outbuildings peeping around the corner. Noticing the figure of Dracula passing next to one of them, she headed there.

Going around the perimeter of the house and heading into the backyard, Agatha passed the small stable and moved towards the barn – voices came from it.

‘...an exceptional sample. Landrace*,’ Agatha heard, pushing the door open. Stepping inside, she stopped at the threshold.

Dracula stood in the middle of the barn, dressed in a white shirt, exquisite vest, and trousers. In his hands was a large pink pig.

‘I can guarantee the quality,’ said a short man, standing with his back to Agatha, who looked like a merchant. ‘You can be certain of it.’

‘Fine,’ Dracula said, lowering the pig to the floor. It crawled into a corner and, it seemed, lay there on a heap of rags. ‘Excellent breed, I'm happy with everything. Get me four of them by the end of the week.’

‘As you command, sir,’ the merchant replied. ‘Noble pigs,’ he added proudly, looking back at the corner where the animal lay, grunting. ‘Rest assured. Everything will be at its best on Friday,’ he hurried, catching Dracula's impatient gaze. He repeated: ‘The pigs are excellent. If you want, maybe a litter.’

‘I don’t need the litter,’ the Count responded coldly. ‘On Friday you will bring the pigs, then you will receive the money. I am not delaying you any longer.’

The merchant nodded respectfully, bowed, confusedly said goodbye to Dracula, and, without looking at Agatha, left.

‘What is it?’ When the door slammed shut behind the merchant, Agatha asked, after a short pause.

‘Breakfast,’ Dracula shrugged. They turned and looked at the pig for a while in silence. The animal seemed absolutely content with life. ‘They surprised me, you know,’ he said.

‘Tasty?’ Agatha asked carefully.

‘Smart,’ Dracula threw up his hands.

‘Wow,’ turning around, Agatha moved to the exit. ‘Well,’ she said, breathing in the fresh morning air, ‘one less problem. Agree – ’

‘How are you feeling?’ he was next to her so quickly that Agatha almost recoiled. Straightening her back and not wanting to show that she was scared, she ceremoniously replied:

‘Good, thank you.’

Dracula smiled.

‘Shall we take a walk?’

Agatha frowned. After a moment's hesitation, she accepted the hand extended to her.

They walked towards the garden.

While they wandered among the yew hedges and fruit trees, Agatha learned from Dracula that the house he had brought her to was not the one that Harker's firm had bought for him. Not wanting to shake for another hour in a fiacre through London, Dracula asked the coachman where a decent housing could be rented nearby and found out that the Duke of Wilmore's mansion in the West End was vacant. The owners left there just the other day and put the house up for sale.

‘Do you like it here better?’ Agatha asked with interest. ‘You only know Carfax from stories, though,’ she recalled.

‘I like it here,’ Dracula said slowly. ‘What about you?’

‘I... well, I…’ Agatha stopped. Suddenly, she realized that she was not at all thinking about herself, about where she was – and about the future. Rather, from the moment she offered Dracula to eat her instead of Mina in the monastery, Agatha was sure that she had no future. Now, when it turned out that Dracula intended to eat Landraces, his question puzzled her.

What is she going to do next? What status is she in here? And how is she going to deal with all this?

She looked at Dracula. He was joking, wasn't he – when he said that he was taking her with him in order to...

‘Do you have friends in London?’ her thoughts were interrupted by Dracula.

Agatha shook her head.

‘Nobody.’

They walked a few more alleys and turned towards the path that led to the main entrance of the house.

‘You could be my attorney,’ Dracula said after a few minutes of silence. ‘After Jonathan’s death, I don’t want to deal with his law firm again,’ he explained in response to her surprised look. ‘And you are smart, educated, and will do an excellent job with this.’

‘I'm not a lawyer,’ Agatha said. ‘If you need…’

‘I need a person who can manage my affairs,’ Dracula did not let her finish. ‘This does not require a lawyer's license. And I will pay you handsomely.’

Agatha stopped and turned to face him.

‘Are you trying to buy me, Count Dracula?’

‘I'm trying to give you what you deserve.’ He looked like he was holding back a laugh. You don't have to agree. But I think it's better –’

‘What about your plans?’ burst out from Agatha.

Dracula stared at her in silence.

‘You said you'd be glad to put yourself in my hands,’ she said smoothly. ‘Have you forgotten?’

The pause did not last long.

‘No, I haven't forgotten.’ Dracula tilted his head and moved closer to her. ‘But I also remember that we figured out that before that happens, you need…’ he smiled briefly ‘some overview lessons. I do not want to suffer from clumsy hands.’

It's all nerves, travel and blood loss, Agatha thought indifferently. Otherwise, it would never have occurred to her to answer:

‘I am at your service, Count Dracula.’

Dracula's eyes sparkled. For a moment he looked at her – her hair loose over her shoulders, a simple brown-gray dress. He smiled anticipatingly.

‘I will come to you tonight. Don't lock yourself up.’

They walked the rest of the way home in complete silence. Once inside, Dracula moved down the corridor towards the living room.

‘Still, think about being an attorney,’ he said, hiding behind the door.

***

He came after midnight, when Agatha, who had been wandering around the house and the garden all day, had already changed her clothes for bed and even thought that in the end, she would just sleep. He opened the door and entered without bothering with questions and permissions. This is his home, Agatha reminded herself, as she watched Dracula approaching her.

There was no need to talk. She did not even want to be ironic and did not want to argue. With amazing clarity, Agatha suddenly realized that the fact that he was here was not only – and not so much – his decision, and this is obvious. It was always obvious.

Dracula raised his hand and carefully touched her shoulder.

It reminded her so sharply of what was in the monastery that she recoiled.

‘Agatha?’

When she came to, she realized that she was sitting on the bed, silently looking at Dracula and as if she was numb.

‘Agatha, if it's that scary…’ Dracula began.

‘No. No... it's okay,’ Agatha said slowly.

Dracula looked at her hand, with which she unconsciously grabbed her left shoulder, and understood everything.

He sat down beside her and leaned over to her.

‘Give it here.’

Obediently opening her fingers, Agatha exposed her shoulder. The scar was not the same as Jonathan's – not a laceration, a thin cut. Dracula leaned forward, touched it with his lips, gently sucked in her heated skin, and let go.

‘That's better?’

‘I think so,’ Agatha whispered, feeling the tips of her fingers begin to tingle.

She let him lay her back into bed and unbutton her nightgown to her waist. Seeing him lower his head to touch her breast, Agatha closed her eyes. The needles in her fingertips turned into flames and slowly crawled up her arms.

When he pulled away from her, she opened her eyes.

‘Agatha, how could you consider yourself unwanted?’ Dracula asked in a hoarse voice. ‘My blood boils for you.’

Agatha smiled, embarrassed.

‘Just don’t burn me,’ she said softly.

‘No way,’ Dracula whispered, burying his face in her neck, starting to caress her again.

He was impatient and unhurried at the same time, and Agatha did not understand how this was possible. He touched her as if he knew exactly where and how she wanted, forcing her to moan, bend, sob and beg.

And then it was tender. Deep. It hurt a lot, but when he stopped to let her catch her breath, Agatha shook her head in protest. With her arms and legs wrapped around him, she did something she had never done before – let go of control entirely.

The pleasure wiped away the remnants of pain, scattered doubts, it appeared as crystals of salt on her skin. She seemed to be whispering his name. Or maybe she just swore from the heart – also for the first time in many years.

Very slowly, Dracula slid off of her and pulled Agatha after him, not releasing her from his embrace.

‘My name is Vlad,’ he muttered somewhere in her hair; the low voice mixed with laughter and happy weariness. ‘I wanted you to know – just in case.’

Unable to move, Agatha only groaned something unintelligible and made herself comfortable, letting languor and drowsiness take possession of her.

Tomorrow. All the rest is tomorrow.

***

Opening her eyes, Agatha saw that outside the window was a cloudy misty morning, and she was alone in bed. Getting up and throwing on the lace peignoir that lay in the chair, she went to the window and flung open the high sashes.

It smelled of moist spring air and the feeling of close summer. Agatha sneezed and looked down.

In the courtyard in front of the house, Dracula stood and, apparently, was arguing with a tall, large man. In one hand the man had a big knife, in the other – known to Agatha – yesterday's Landrace. The pig jerked its legs and struggled desperately.

Vaguely, Agatha remembered that Dracula, upon arrival, could find only a maid and a butler for the house. The rest of the servants, including the entire staff for the kitchen, he was going to recruit later, and at first, the maid could handle the preparation of the simplest food.

Well, Dracula probably decided to start home improvement seriously and hired a cook, Agatha thought distantly, looking at a tall reddish fellow who cheerfully brandished a knife. Either he accidentally hit the Landrace, or simply frightened it with loud screams, but it squealed, broke free, and rushed across the yard at a gallop.

Dracula and the red-headed giant simultaneously rushed after the boar. But Dracula, of course, was the first to do it. Picking up the pig in his arms, he gently scratched it behind the ear and turned to the cook. Agatha did not hear what he said, but, apparently, something very stern. Agatha could have sworn that there was a triumphant expression on the Landrace's muzzle. The chef's face turned to stone.

Holding back her laughter, Agatha put her palms on the windowsill and leaned out of the window.

‘Vlad,’ she said clearly and loudly. Dracula turned around and grabbed the Landrace more comfortably.

‘What?’ he asked with a smile, causing a wildish fire to crawl along Agatha's spine again, like the night before.

She lifted the corners of her lips slightly.

‘Don't play with food,’ she said sternly.

‘Or what?’ The pig in his hands twitched an ear, and Dracula soothingly ran his fingers along the top of its head.

Agatha felt her cheeks go red.

‘I’ll be very angry,’ she said and closed the window.

Just five minutes later, footsteps were heard outside the door, and Dracula entered the room. He was without a Landrace – instead of a pig, he held in his right hand a long silk curtain cord. Agatha glanced briefly at the rope – at Dracula's fingers caressing the ribbed surface, at the heavy tassels hanging from the ends.

‘I didn't have time to sin very much... today,’ he said quietly. He walked over and handed her the rope. ‘But you have to start somewhere.’

As if in a dream, Agatha nodded.

* Landrace is the first specialized bacon-type pig breed.

[a-little-slice-of-fandom]

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the Irish-ness of Dracula, if you wanna ramble about it!

(Okay I just want to apologise for how long this took to answer because I know it’s been sitting in my inbox for over a month but..depression and work happened and I just didn’t have the time or energy to complete it. I seriously do apologise for this but I hope you enjoy the post anyway!)

So the first thing I need to clear up is this: the concept of a monster or a demon that feeds upon the life force of humans is not limited to one singular culture or folklore. In fact, this core concept is a wider cultural phenomenon and variations of it exist across both countries and continents. And no one country can take sole credit for the this core concept of vampires. Anyone who tries to claim otherwise either doesn’t know much about vampires or is intentionally being disingenuous. There can be cultural variations that are specific to certain folklores (and to just blatantly steal these would be cultural appropriation), but the main idea of vampires exists across a wide range of folklores and no singular person, group of people or culture can take credit for the creation of vampires.

However, arguably it was the work of Bram Stoker that aided in the solidification of the concept of Vampires that we know today. While there were other authors from a wide range of nationalities who wrote about Vampires before Stoker (including John William Polidori who wrote the Vampyre in 1819)...Dracula is the best known. (Now I personally believe that’s because Dracula is an absolutely banging novel, although I do concede that the prevalence of adaptations of Dracula from the 1920’s to today helps keep Dracula in the forefront of audiences minds.) In addition, it’s important to remember that Stoker was inspired by another Irish author Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, who wrote the novel Carmilla. As far as I know, Le Fanu and Stoker actually worked together on a magazine!

Another thing I think that needs clarification is the common belief that Stoker heavily/religiously based Dracula on the historical figure Vlad the Impailer. This is heavily debated by scholars. While there’s an obvious, undeniable similarity between the names of these two...the similarities start to wain after this, with only small similarities between the two and there’s even literal contradictions between the history of Vlad the Impailer and Dracula’s history in the novel. In fact, there’s not much indication that Stoker based the character Dracula off Vlad the Impailer, or even that he had a working knowledge of Vlad the Impailer beyond the name. In all 124 pages of his notes, there’s nothing to indicate that Stoker’s inspiration for Dracula came from Vlad the Impailer.

(Plus Dracula in the novel wasn’t even originally called Dracula...he was called Count Wampyr in the original drafts of the novel and this was only changed, from what I can gather, in the last couple of drafts.)

In fact, I’d personally argue that that connection between Vlad the Impailer and Dracula is actually something that’s been retroactively added by other artists, for example the 1992 film “Bram Stoker’s Dracula” heavily leaned into this idea that Dracula and Vald the Impailer were one in the same, and as time has progressed people assume that these elements were in the original novel when that’s simply untrue! Stoker didn’t write that! It’s a retroactive addition by other artists that’s just assumed by the masses to be canon. This phenomenon is actually super interesting and it’s absolutely not limited to Stoker’s novel Dracula/the modern day perception of Dracula (another example would be Mary Shelley’s version of Frankenstein versus the modern day perception Frankenstein). I’m not sure if there’s a word for what this is, but I like the term “cultural canon”, where something that’s been added in by other artists has become as good as canon within the minds of the masses and as such is ingrained within the cultural perception of something, despite it having no basis within the original piece or even directly contradicting what is in canon.

(Now I’ll absolutely concede that Stoker taking the name of a historical figure and possibly their likeness from another country and making them into a literal monster is something that should be discussed. I don’t know how Vlad the Impailer is viewed within Romania - whether he’s viewed positively or negatively or a mixture - but regardless he was a historical figure and Stoker did eventually use that name for his own creative purposes. Again, Stoker didn’t say that Dracula and Vlad the Impailer were the same person, that’s other artists doing, but there’s still issues with Stoker that needs to be discussed)

Now, I’ve seen people talk about how Stoker took a lot of inspiration from the Baltic folklore surrounding vampires for his novel, but I don’t really know this folklore very well and therefore I don’t feel like I’m qualified to discuss it. If anyone is more well versed in this topic wants to add to this post then they’re more than welcome to! I don’t deny that Stoker too inspiration from places other than Ireland (like the novel is set in Whitby) but I just feel like people over hype the relation between stokers Dracula and Vlad the Impailer.

Now, onto the Irish mythology side!

So the most obvious inspiration for Dracula comes from the story of Abhartach. here is a link to an actual, respectable retelling of the story of Abhartach which I’d highly recommend people read (it’s really not that long) but the key points go as follows:

There was this Irish chieftain called Abhartach, who was really cruel and the townsfolk didn’t really like him. So, the townsfolk and another cheiftain (known as Cathain) banded together to kill Abhartach. They did succeed in killing him (yay), however, Abhartach just sort of...rose from the dead and began another reign of terror (not yay). However, Abhartach needed to be sustained by blood and required a bowlful every day to sustain his energy. Cathain comes back and kills Abhartach once again, but Abhartach rises from the dead once more and now needs more blood. Abhartach is only banished when Cathain uses a word made from yew wood and wounds Abhartach with it. Abhartach is buried upside down with a grant stone over the grave to stop Abhartach rising once again.

Sound familiar? The similarities between Abhartach and Dracula are undeniable! Yes, there’s some differences between the two but the core story here is almost identical. I could totally reword that paragraph, omitting the names, and it would be indistinguishable from a short summary of Dracula! Even the way that the main characters find out about the wooden weapon that can kill the monster is similar, as both Jonathan and Cathain go to wiser and older members of their community to learn more.

(Also please mythology blogs don’t come for me I know my retelling was an incredible oversimplification but I’m writing on my iPad and my thumbs are starting to hurt. People have wrote full papers on the similarities between Dracula and Abhartach and there’s so many more people more qualified than me, I’m just an 18 year old trying to make a fun and interesting tumblr post. Again, if anyone wants add anything like extra sources or more information or even to point out my mistakes then I more than welcome the additions)

Another piece of folklore that’s also said to have inspired Dracula is the Dearg Due. Now there’s multiple different versions of the tale, but the version I have heard goes like this:

There’s a noble woman who wants to marry a penniless peasant boy, but her dad disapproves and wants her to marry another man who is much richer. The rich man and the noble woman were eventually married but the woman didn’t love the rich man. In retaliation, the rich man locked the woman in a windowless castle where she starved to death. The woman was buried by the locals who took pity on her, but because she was buried hungry she came back to life and drank the blood of her father and her husband as revenge. The version I heard says that the dearg due now basically wanders ireland drinking the blood of men who have hurt or wronged women (as one should) but there’s other endings to the story.

(Again is anyone has a reliable source they want to share then please feel free to add!)

So this is another Irish piece of folklore that clearly includes some elements that we now associate with vampires. Now people (including Wikipedia) claim that this story was specifically what Stoker based Dracula on, and while I definitely think that Stoker was aware of this story and took inspiration from it, I personally think that the Dearg Due inspired the concept of Dracula’s wives more than Dracula himself.

However the key point still stands: Stoker was likely aware of these legends and even the most staunchly anti-Irish person would have to concede that there’s similarities between all three stories. And very rarely are these similarities discussed in classes about Dracula...which I feel is a real disservice. I don’t think students should have to have an intense knowledge of Irish mythology (my knowledge is spotty at best) nor do I think it should be an exam question...but even a brief acknowledgment of “hey, Stoker was inspired by these stories and you can clearly see similarities between them” would be nice. Moreover, it further solidifies my original argument that Stoker was, at least to some extent, Irish and that his Irishness inherently influenced his work.

Also...the social context of what was going on in Ireland in this period can’t be ignored! Again, while Stoker did spend time in both England and Romania, he spent a lot of his life in Ireland and therefore would have known what was going on in his own country.

Dracula was published in 1897, which is exactly 50 years after the worst year of the Irish Famine/ The Great Hunger/An Gorta Mór. Now I don’t have time to do a whole history of the Great Hunger but the effects of the famine were greatly exacerbated by the horrific mismanagement of Ireland by the British government and the British system of ruling in Ireland. How many people died during the famine isn’t clear, but we do know that the population of Ireland at the time was 8 million and the population today is 6 million...200 years later and we still haven’t recovered. So while we all like to joke about the fact that Stoker wrote about an unfeeling member of the aristocracy literally feeding off others with no remorse and basically ruining their lives...are we really going to pretend that there isn’t social commentary there? Scholars specifically think that Stoker was commenting on the absentee landlords (basically British aristocrats who owned land in Ireland but didn’t live there and as such didn’t care about the well being of their tenants) who would often have tenants forced off the land when they couldn’t pay rent...despite the fact that their tenenants were already starving and had no money because their only source of food and income failed.

(I’m not being shady by the way, I also love to joke about the social implications of Dracula, but I feel like people forget that the jokes have actual points behind them)

There was also a cholera epidemic in Ireland in 1832 which is generally accepted to be one of Stoker’s biggest inspirations. You can read more about the epidemic here if you wish, but I’ll summarise what I feel are the key points. Not only was Stoker’s mother from county Sligo and lived through this cholera epidemic, but Stoker also asked her to write down her memories of the epidemic and used her accounts to aid in his research of the cholera epidemic. Now the fact that he was actively researching this should indicate that it would influence his work, especially considering the situation in county Sligo was incredibly morbid. There’s accounts of the 20 carpenters in Sligo town being unable to make enough coffins to keep up with the amount of people dying, resulting in hundreds of dead bodies just lying on the street. However, the most horrific account from this epidemic was the stories of terrified nurses placing cholera patients into mass graves while they were still alive. Stoker himself literally stated that Dracula was “inspired by the idea of someone being buried before they were fully dead”. So while at first there seems to be very little relation between the novel and a medical epidemic, it quickly becomes clear that Stoker’s fascination with this historical event influenced his writing.

My overall point is that Stoker’s irishness inherently influenced his writing. Writers don’t write in their own little bubble, divorced from the world around them, their views and work are shaped by their position in society and their upbringing (it’s why I dislike death of the author as a literary theory). So when people try to claim that Dracula is a piece of British literature...it indicates either a lack of understanding of the context in which Stoker was writing in or a wilful ignorance founded on colonialist ideas. His influences are so obvious to me as an Irish woman but they rarely get discussed, and even if they are it’s seen as overreaching! To call Dracula British literature and to ignore the inherent Irishness of the novel does a great disservice to Stoker!

Anyways I really hope you enjoyed this discussion my love! Once again I apologise for how long this took to write. Also I’m sorry if this comes off as argumentative or anything, that absolutely wasn’t my intention, I just have a particular style of writing long posts haha.

[comicreliefmorlock]

A Reader’s Guide to Writing: Lesson #1

Squinting at the title? Wondering if I wrote that incorrectly?

Nope!

Look, everyone is hoping for the Constant Reader that Stephen “Horror Daddy” King talks about. Everyone wants their own Constant Reader when they sit down to put pen to paper (or fingertips to keyboard.) And quite often... They have no idea what their Constant Reader is going to think of their efforts. 

Well.

I am not just a Constant Reader. I’m probably the Constant Reader. I read, without exaggeration, a book a day on average. (I’m legitimately not kidding. No, I’m not a speed reader. {Deliberately, anyway.} No, I’m not paid to read. If I was, trust me, I’d be typing this on a way better computer.) And I read basically everything. 

Yes, there are a lot of books I haven’t read! And there are a lot of books that I have. 

So, budding writers and anxious wordsmiths, let someone who is 80% Reader/20% Writer tell you what actually matters to your readers. Not to the publishing industry (who wouldn’t exist if not for people like me) or to the editors who have to polish your rough draft. 

I’m going to tell you what matters to me, the reader.

Lesson #1: Is your book fun and easy to read?

No, I’m not talking about writing comedy. You don’t have to write comedy. You don’t have to throw out all the tension, make everything light-hearted and fluffy. But what you do need to do is find out if someone enjoyed reading it. 

And I don’t mean in a technical, structural way. I mean did your reader sit down and realize they were struggling to parse what your sentences even meant? Were they stuck staring at blocks of description that you, the Author, thought provided a fantastic description but meant nothing to them?

Here’s one of my favorite sentences which is both fun to read (there’s no struggle, no difficulty in processing it) and easy. 

“He sat on the sidewalk and held on tightly to the rolled-up umbrella, and wondered whether going south to London was really a good idea.” (’Neverwhere’ by Neil Gaiman)

Look, this sentence is pretty basic. There’s absolutely nothing fancy going on here. And that? That is one of the best things about it. You can immediately get a clear mental image of a man sitting on a sidewalk curb looking both dejected and baffled, clutching an umbrella with an increasingly tight grip. (See how I used a lot more words to describe what that ONE sentence brought to MY head?)

Your readers have an imagination. That’s why they like reading. Readers really love being able to come up with a mental image as the words come along. What makes reading slower? Is when the author insists on giving you intricate, sense-by-sense details that they’re using to basically beat the damn image into your head whether it suits what you like or not. 

Know why so many people (at large) think reading The Classics is a trial? Because the use of language in many of The Classics requires a modern reader to sit down and forcibly parse out what the Author is trying to say. While some of these stories are really good and they can be thoroughly enjoyable to read, I can’t say that a book like ‘Dracula’ counts as a fun, easy read.

Here’s an example from a book I’ve never been able to make myself read, but which I know the story (thank you Vincent Price for making it palatable) to. And this? This is not fun to read. This is certainly not EASY to read. 

“There is one other feature, very essential to be noticed, but which, we greatly fear, may damage any picturesque and romantic impression which we have been willing to throw over our sketch of this respectable edifice. In the front gable, under the impending brow of the second story, and contiguous to the street, was a shop-door, divided horizontally in the midst, and with a window for its upper segment...” (’House of the Seven Gables’ - Nathaniel Hawthorne)

Now maybe you do want to write something that will be considered A Classic one day. 

Don’t write like this to do so.

A Classic is, in fact, important to literary study because it reflects the culture, time and class in which it was written and by which it was influenced. Trying to write as if you have a thesaurus taped to your face is honestly going to sound very alien to the modern reader.

Your Classic isn’t the Classic of the 1800s; it’s something else entirely, so don’t break yourself to try and write like Poe or Hawthorne in the hopes of getting a reader’s respect. 

When a Reader picks up a book, we want to be entertained or informed, depending on what we’ve grabbed (fiction vs. non-fiction.) We want a break from our lives, a little distraction, something else that isn’t going to remove us FROM the story and make us realize that we’re a 30+ year old woman sitting in a convoluted manner on a battered armchair with a cold cup of coffee that maybe needs refreshing... and okay the laundry needs to be done... 

A story that uses archaic language, forces too much information on the reader at once (blocks of untagged dialogue, masses of description, tedious exposition) is going to pull the reader OUT of the story. Because it’s not fun. It’s not easy to read. 

Probably one of the most important questions an Author can ask a Reader is “So where did you get bored?” This will tell you where the story stopped being FUN. Where it stopped being EASY. 

You’re not asking “okay did that scene with the dog make you put it down and walk away” or “did the part with the mother make you cry?” because if the emotions were triggered, trust me, your Reader will TELL YOU. What you, the Author, want to know is where reading the story stopped being a fun, easy thing to do and became a labor. 

The books and authors that have become cherished parts of my brain partially earned their places there by being Fun and Easy to Read.  

Lesson #2: Do I give a fuck about your characters? up next!

[my-fanfic-library]

Something Different {BBC Dracula x Reader} [19]

Masterlist

~^*^~

You stretched out your body as the sleep slowly began to ebb away and become replaced with full consciousness. As you did, a tingle of pleasure ran down your spine and you mewled. Not feeling fully satisfied, you stretched out once more and made yet another noise of pleasure at the sensation.

“Darling, I assure you that if you continue to make such suggestive sounds, there will be hell to pay.” Dracula warned stoically, his eyes shifting back to his kindle.

“I can’t help it,” you softly whined, rolling over to face him, “it feels so nice to stretch, don’t you agree?”

“I shall agree that it feels good to watch you stretch, but that’s as far as I’ll go.” He smirked at you.

“I’m never stretching again.” You grumbled and turned away from him.

“[First],” he chuckled and extended his hand to grasp your chin and turn your face towards him, “don’t ever change.” With the softest smile, he pecked your cheek.

It was crazy how the most domestic things made you feel so fluttery on the inside. You couldn’t help the smile that broke out on your face and you completely rolled back over, wrapping your arm snugly around his waist. He hummed. He pressed a second kiss to the top of your head. The surreality of the moment dawned on you and you smiled, burying yourself deeper into him. Home had never felt so close.

You thought back three days, after your fight with Dracula and the very positive consequences of that. You had practically ran home, and fled up the stairs to begin to throw your clothes into a suitcase. Jack had rushed up after you and once he saw the smile on your face, he knew his most dreaded nightmare had become a reality. Dracula had returned and he was stealing you away.

“Where are you going?” He had asked, chocking back his emotions.

“We,” you began, “are going back to London.”

“I don’t want to go back to London.” He deadpanned. You froze and turned to look at him, “he’s here isnt he?”

“Don’t be like that, Jack.” You sighed, smile fading, “we don’t belong here.” Your avoidance of the question hit him in the chest. Dracula was here and he had managed to convince you to go.

“Yes we do. We always have done. We made a life here, [First], please don’t throw it away for him.”

“...I’m not doing it for anyone else but myself.” You lied.

“Well you can go. But I’m staying here.”

“Jack, please don’t do this. Don’t make me pick.”

“Why should I be fair to you if you’re going to run back to him the moment he comes back? Did he fake his own death? He hurt you like that and you’ll go back to him?”

“Yes.” You narrowed your eyes

“Why?”

“Because I love him.”

Dracula’s voice calling your name brought you back to where you were - in bed, snuggled up against him like he was the warmest thing in the world, even though you were beginning to seriously grow cold.

“What are you thinking about?” He inquired.

“You.” You whispered dreamily. He laughed.

“You truly are the sweetest thing.” Another kiss, “when the time is right, I will have the most fun ruining you.” His voice grew darker and you slapped his chest as a scolding.

“That’s no way to speak to a lady!”

“You’re right, I’m very sorry, Lady [Last].”

Your laughter was cut short by the knocking of the front door. It echoed through the apartment until it met your ears and you mumbled to him to leave it. He evidently couldn’t leave it, and began tugging himself away from your grasp.

When he was finally standing, he tugged the duvet up (which already had much nicer black cotton sheets)and cocooned you in.

“Keep yourself warm for me, my lady. I’ll only be a moment.”

Your heart faltered. Dracula, smiling to himself left the room and shut the door. He felt like he had finally been granted access to heaven after so very long. 524 years and he finally had a taste of euphoria. Who would’ve thought it was you?

He loved the way the sunlight streamed in. He loved the vibrancy it brought with it. He loved the way that it would cast a halo over you when you sat with him in the morning, back to the window as you let your back warm up by the heat. He truly felt like the richest man in the world.

Moving towards the door, he didn’t bother pushing his smile back. Why should he?

He was genuinely shocked when he pulled back the door and saw the person waiting for him. He hadn’t changed much except for his skin becoming a little leathery and losing its colour, and of course, his eyes taking on a red kind of hue as they always did what What Dracula called the ‘newborns’.

“Good morning, Renfield, can I help you?”

“Actually, Count Dracula, I came to thank you.”

“To thank me?”

“Yes, you have blessed me- may I?” He pushed past the taller male, entering the apartment.

“Not really...” Dracula’s hands rose up to shoulder leval, as if in question and then fell. He felt a little unnerved, “so, um, how long have you been... like that?” There was a sudden intensity to Renfield that he didn’t like. Newborns had a disgusting thirst to blood that drove most to a deathly insanity. He had somehow managed to make it past that point.

“Oh,” Renfield turned to face him, “quite a while now. Aren’t you proud of yourself? You finally perfected your technique.”

“Well,” he began with an amused scoff, “you caught me at a bad time.”

“My apologies-...” he trailed off, “were you about to eat?” Shit. Could he smell you?

“Oh, no-“

“Could I join you?”

“No, Renfield I’m not eating.”

Fuck.

“My god, where are they? I have never smelt anything so succulent. So sweet...”

“Renfield, I think you need to leave.” Dracula warned darkly.

In the bedroom, you had grown tired of lying about and had sat up and was flipping though the pages of Dracula’s novel on his kindle. He’d probably be upset for you losing his page, but he was a 524 year old man, he should have an immaculate memory by now.

But as you began to delve in 3/5s into the book, you heard a sound. It was barely above a whisper. You thought nothing of it and went back. The sound came again a little louder - but still uncipherable. You shook it off. A third time.

‘Bloofer...’

You looked around the room. Nothing. There was nothing. You were being silly.

‘Bloofer lady...’

Heart beginning to race, you pulled your legs up and out of the duvet, getting ready to rush out of the room. That was when the wardrobe doors blew open and there she stood, between his stream-ironed suits in her burnt glory. You screamed and without thinking, launched the kindle in her direction. Upon contact, she was gone.

Shaking, you clambered off of the bed and made your way towards the wardrobe. You plucked the kindle up and noticed a gash down the centre. Oops.

You didn’t know if Dracula had shooed away whatever company was at he door, but you decided to venture out anyway. You had to confess before he found the broken kindle himself. He was going to be so mad... You tugged open the door.

“Hey, Drac, there was kinda an accident...” you trailed off upon seeing Renfield standing a little away from you. Dracula was further down the room, now fully glaring at the lawyer, “oh, sorry.”

“Oh my goodness. She smells even better so close.” Renfield purred.

“Get out.” Dracula demanded.

“What? And let you enjoy a delicacy all to yourself? I have respect for you, Dracula, but I’m not stupid.”

“She’s not anyone’s meal. I am warning you to leave while you still have your head attached to your body.”

“Gosh, you do make a good pair. Both of you enjoy to threaten my head.”

Dracula sent you a questioning look, and you sent one back that seemed to read ‘I’ll tell you later’. During your distraction, Renfield took a step towards you and when you realised, you took a quick step backwards. Dracula took two long strides forwards.

“Don’t you dare touch her.” He warned, his voice dangerously low. His eyes had darkened to almost black and you knew that he was nothing short of livid.

“I only want a taste, Dracula.” Renfield started.

“She’s not yours.”

“Since when did you claim her?”

Renfield made a break for you. Dracula didn’t hesistate to sprint forward and you realised that you had never truly seen him as a predator. Renfield managed to get to you and his hands gripped onto your t-shirt. His teeth were bared and his eyes were almost glowing. He was on your for a second before Dracula had smashed into him and knocked him away. The force of his arms being removed from you sent you flying backwards in the bedroom. You scrambled up and rushed out to see Dracula and Renfield in a death lock, throwing punches onto one another as both tried to get back up whilst simultaneously keeping the other down.

Dracula managed to push Renfield down and kick his head to keep him down for just a moment.

“Run, [First]!” He barked at you.

You dashed out of the bedroom, ignoring the whining pain in your back. So close to the door, you were pulled back and pulled up into the air by a pair of unfamiliar arms. You screamed and began to thrash in his arms.

Time slowed for Dracula and he had a split second to make a decision. In order to get you out of Renfield’s grip, he was going to have to risk hurting you. He’d rather hurt you himself than let any fatal harm come to you. He sprinted towards you and grasped Renfield. He yanked at his neck, trying to get him to have no choice but to let you go. It was no use.

So, he swung out his leg and as it collided with Renfield’s knee, he heard the splintering crack of bone. Renfield dropped to the floor, screaming in agony but refused to let you out of his talons.

“LET HER GO!” Dracula began blow after blow of his elbow on Renfield’s face. His nose cracked and began to gush blood. His lips split in several places and he had no choice but to finally let you go.

You rolled from his grasp, pushing yourself away from the floor. Your eyes were glued on Dracula, who was completely gone with his rage. The anger on his face, the power of his hits, this was the force of his jealousy and this was how far he would go to protect you. You had to be honest - it kind of turned you on.

The fight did not end, however, as Renfield climbed up Dracula’s size and began to force him backwards. He drove Dracula’s back into the table and you saw the sudden mahogany coloured blood soaking the back of his shirt. Again and again, Renfield impales Dracula’s back on the corner of the table until Dracula could take no more. He, with all of his strength, pulled Renfield up and over his head, behind him, smashing his back down onto the table. It cracked and splintered and some pieces of marble flew out in all directions. He then grasped Renfield by the collar of his coat and dragged him towards one of the doors. It swung behind him and you could hear another scramble.

You somehow managed to get up and rush into the next room. The living room. On the right hand side of the room, Dracula was kicking Renfield back as he opened the doors to the balcony.

The commotion ended when Dracula plucked up Renfield and tossed his body over the balcony. He turned to you, aggressively panting.

“Are you alright?” He spoke between deep breaths.

“You should be worried about yourself, look at you.” You spoke gently.

He limped towards you and pulled you into him before he began to crumble to the floor. You sunk on your knees with him, cradling his head to your chest so that he could hear your heart.

“Darling, don’t be scared anymore.”

“I’m worried about you, Drac.” You whispered.

~^*^~

It took ten minutes to get him back into the bedroom and a further ten to convince him to take his shirt off and lie down on his stomach on the bed. He was being stubborn, and you had to keep trying your hardest to convince him to help himself.

When he was finally compliant with you, you straddled his thighs, looking at the deep gashes on his back. Six in total. You ran your fingers through his hair and he looked back at you.

“I’m fine, really-“

“No you aren’t. Now tell me again how I fix them.”

“Just... why don’t you let me do it?” He began to turn, but you grabbed hold of his shoulders and forced him back down into the pillows.

“No. I’m doing it. You won’t reach them all. Tell me.”

“Pinch the skin and twist.” His irked voice was muffled as he spoke to you.

“See? Easy. It won’t hurt will it?”

“Not much.”

“Stupid question, [First], the man’s been shot and not even flinched.” You mumbled to yourself.

“It’s endearing.” He craned his neck to look back at you once more, “you’re like a wonderful, loving wife.”

“Yeah, shut up and face down.”

“Oh, how did you ever find out I like to be bossed around whilst in bed like this.”

“I swear to the lord almighty I will leave you here and never come back.” You pouted.

“Liar. You’d never leave me.”

He was right. You could never leave him. Not after leaving your newfound life to be with him. He meant everything to you. But he didn’t need to know that. So, without warning, you began to close up his wounds. The first one made him hiss a little, and to soothe his pain, you leaned down and pressed your lips to the newly conjoined skin to let the sting sizzle away.

With every one that you closed, you left a kiss to help with the pain. Once you had done them all, you trailed your hands up and down his sides, pressing kisses higher up his back. He sighed, allowing your warmth that was spreading through him like wildfire. Your kisses ignited his skin and he had never felt this alive or this loved in... well forever. Now it was you hovering above him. He turned his head to look at you and you were inches above his face.

Another kiss you pressed to his shoulder and sent your hands down his sides once more. His skin tingled with your touch. He was in paradise. He loved the feeling of being consumed by you.

“Do you feel better now, love?”

“Love?” He repeated.

“Yes, my love,” your wicked eyes burned into his. Oh, heavens, you were driving him insane, “how do you feel?”

“... like I could fly.”

You softly chuckled and pressed another kiss on his shoulder, just next to the one that you had just planted. He was clinging on to every one of your movements. He anticipated every touch. When your hands ran back up, they ran along his arms and you threaded your fingers through his as you leaned to his nape and pressed a kiss.

He was in utter bliss.

“I can’t believe you did that for me.” You uttered against his skin.

“I’d do anything for you.”

He suddenly felt much better and had within a second, flipped himself around underneath you, sat up and wrapped his arms around you so that you were firmly on his lap, legs wrapped around his waist. You were so close. Your hands had instinctively pressed against his firm chest.

“Anything?” You quirked an eyebrow.

“Anything and anything.”

“Would you bring me the moon if I asked?” You giggled at the stupidity and the entire cliche of your question.

“And the stars to go with it.” He promised.

“Would you take me anywhere I wanted to go?”

“I’d carry you there if it was the only way.”

“Would you make me live forever?” Your voice was soft.

“...no... I wouldn’t do that.” He confessed, feeling a little guilty for having to say no to you.

“Why not?” There was the tiniest hint of hurt in your voice. Almost undetectable but when you had 500 years to master reading people, Dracula had become too good at it.

“I wouldn’t curse you with it. You are too good, you are too perfect to be tarnished by undeath.” He placed his forehead on yours. His eyes fluttered shut and he breathed in your scent. He focused on your warmth around him.

“Would you rather see me die?”

“I want to give you the best life so that you don’t regret or feel afraid to die, my sweetest, my loveliest, my angelic darling.” It was his turn to begin to press kisses to your neck.

Your throat began to burn with the kisses he left behind.

“I will give you everything. I will fulfil every desire. I will satisfy all of your thirsts.” He vowed to you, “your wish shall be my command and I will submit myself to you. So simply give me your warmth and your love, my darling.”

“Okay.” You whispered.

His kisses were working down your skin and you were thankful that you had chosen a little lower cut than usual shirt to sleep in. His lips worked on the skin of your chest, but the material that covered to just a little above where your heart was stopped him from going any further.

He pulled you into him, resting his head on your breast, listening to the steady beat of your heart. It made him feel normal. It made him feel like he wasn’t a monster after all.

You made him feel alive and he only hoped that you wouldn’t ever leave him. He think he truly would die of heartbreak if you did. The thought made him tug you tighter to him and without realising, the movement caused some friction where he hadn’t anticipated. You sucked in a breath, not wanting to draw any attention but your heart gave you away like usual. Your hands made their way to his hair.

“We can’t.” He whispered, “it would kill you.”

“That’s how I want to go.” You joked in an airy breath.

“Absolutely not.”

“Not even a little? Can’t you relive me?” You tugged his head back so that he could see the bees flooding your eyes. Jesus, he had forgotten about how intense desire could become. This was something he’d need to keep in check.

“Not today, my darling. Behave yourself and maybe we can come to some arrangement.”

“Don’t leave me waiting too long or else I may have to go looking for trouble.” You pressed a kiss to his jawline and he purposely pulled your hips down.

“What did I just say?”

You laughed.

~^taglist^~

@vampiregirl1797 @avalanet @bunnyreese12 @nerdonpluto @teamceleries @grifffins @hitbythunder @winterseoul @mymagicsuitcase @angeli-fucking-cat @benedictethegoddess @bloodhon3yx @nifflersravenclaw @writteninthestars288 @labelladrama @frankcastlesgrunts @angelicdestieldemon @quakerlasss @aliisa-jones @wolverinexmenn @clairedragonessbaker @cryiner @mitsukatsu @piratewhore @your-pixels-are-showing @tardisnesss @ladydovahkiin180 @catwomom @god-of-dramatic-death-scenes @th3rah @viper-queen @mephdcosplay @greghouse7 @faeprinces @kokoro-no-yami @trishaferdream @therealmoni @crazytxgradstudent @sansthelonelypunster @crowley-needs-a-hug @girlonfireice @wasntpriscilla @ivanna6026

[sammiexwtf]

DIO Sounds About Right

Hi please enjoy my shitty JJBA fic (You can find it on AO3 and Wattpad with the same name) NSFW

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Giorno I am so sorry that you haven’t been on good terms with your father practically since your birth, but I am NOT failing this project just because you want to avoid him,” You huffed. The blonde man on your phone screen shot you an annoyed look, which most likely mirrored the one on your own face.

“I don’t know why you’re so damn adamant on staying at my house to finish this project Y/N. I’ve already stayed over at your place countless of times and as a plus you’re closer to the library, we could just walk over when we need to,” Giorno let out a deep sigh as he leaned against his bed frame. “You know how I get when he’s around and since his business trip was cancelled he’ll be here for the whole weekend.”

“Look Gio, I know you try and avoid him as much as possible and I’m not clueless about your feelings towards him,” you mumbled with a small frown. “It’s just that my roommate is planning on using the apartment for one of her ridiculous parties and we’re not going to have any peace for our work if you come over here. Besides, even if your dad is going to be home all weekend you always tell me he locks himself in his study, so it’s not like we’re going to be graced with his presence anyways.”

“Still it’s just the simple thought of being under the same roof as him that’s bothering me. Plus, I don’t think you’ve even met my dad, so you wouldn’t really understand why I’m so against it.”

“You make it sound like he’s some sort of monster, maybe we should start calling him Count Dracula or something.” Your friend snorted at your stupid joke, trying to hide his smile by turning his face away from the screen.”Either way you won’t be completely alone with him if I’m there, and I know you wouldn’t be able to put up with a bunch of drunk college girls trying to get you into their panties.” At your last remark the blonde made a look of disgust and knew that you basically won the argument. If there was one thing that bothered Giorno the most, it was those self proclaimed ‘fans’ of his that were scattered throughout the university that you both attended, your roommate being one of them. Trying to avoid their affections while they were drunk would cause him even more displeasure than usual.

“Fine then. I’ll text you the address.” You couldn’t hide your excitement as you jumped out of bed to start packing your bag. This would be the first time going over to Giorno’s house since you’ve met him, and you weren’t going to waste any time if he decided to change his mind last minute.

“Alright I’ll see you soon then. Bye Giogio!”

“I told you not to call me that!” You playfully stuck your tongue out at the blonde before ending the FaceTime call to finish packing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You couldn’t help but stare wide-eyed at the enormous house before you, flicking your head back and forth between the address Giorno had sent to you and the one plated in gold above the large double set doors. You even asked the boy more than once if he sent you the wrong address by mistake, earning you a barrage of middle finger emojis and obscenities at having to repeat himself over and over. Gingerly you lifted your hand to the doorbell and rang it, hearing the chime as clear as day echo inside. Your eyes shifted above the doorbell and noticed a plaque with the name ‘Brando’ etched across it. The sound of one of the doors opening gained your attention once more as a gorgeous young woman stepped out from them. She was wearing what looked to be a tight fitting maid’s uniform, with long brown hair swept to the side and cascading down one of her shoulders.

“Welcome to the Brando residence,” She said with a polite smile. “How can I help you Miss?”

‘Brando residence?” You thought to yourself. ‘I thought Giorno’s last name was Giovanna?’

“Uh hi...I’m looking for Giorno? I’m not sure if I’m at the right address.” The young woman perked up at Giorno’s name and stepped aside, holding the door open with a warm smile.

“You must be Y/N! Please come inside, Mr.Giovanna is indeed expecting you tonight!” At the confirmation you let out a breath of relief before stepping through the threshold, only to stop at the sight of the marble staircase before you. The house was far from being considered a mansion, but nonetheless did it look like something straight off of one of those celebrity reality shows. You jumped at the sound of the large door closing behind you, forgetting momentarily about the girl as she quickly made her way towards you. “Just give me one moment to go get Mr.Giovanna for you, he was insistent about showing you the house on his own.” All you could do was nod your head as words seem to fail as she hastily made her way up the stairs. You didn’t have time to look around though as Giorno came around from the top of the stairs and smiled down at you.

“This would be the part where I’d say welcome to my humble abode, but there is absolutely nothing humble about this monstrosity, my father made sure of that,” He sneered. He motioned with his hand for you to come up and you quickly began to ascend the stairs. Once you were at the top it didn’t seem as scary as before, but the rest of the home was just as beautiful. You honestly weren’t paying attention to where you were going, you were trying to take in everything at once from the amazing artwork that lined the walls, to ornate furniture, and even taking a moment to look at how pristine the hardwood floors were that you could practically see your face through it. Ok, maybe they weren’t that clean but still.

Before you knew it, you were in Gio’s bedroom as he made his way to his bed and opened his laptop. His bedroom was a simple creme color, a coffee brown bookcase filled with novels and trophies was lined next to a window that reached from the floor to the ceiling. Directly across from his bed was a flatscreen T.V sitting on top of a matching brown dresser. His walls were covered in paintings that looked as if they belonged in an art museum and a map of the world hung above his headboard. You stared down at his bed then, afraid to sit down as you didn’t want to wrinkle the deep purple duvet atop it. It took Gio a moment to realize that you were still standing by the doorway, his eyes following yours as they danced across his room as well before stopping right back at you.

“What?”

“Why am I just finding out now, after 2 years of friendship might I add, that you’re fucking loaded? I mean I knew you came from a family with SOME money but holy shit dude!” You stared into his green eyes, looking for an answer. Only to be met with a smile.

“Well technically I’m not rich. My father is. Hence there was nothing to find out.” You gave the blonde a dirty look, earning a chuckle from him before deciding that the bed was no longer intimidating and sat down on it.

“You know what I meant. I know you said your dad had a busy job, but what does he do to be able to own a house like this? Is he part of the mafia?” This time your question earned you a hearty laugh from your friend and you felt your ears get hot, not liking to be laughed at when you were being serious. You threw your duffle bag at Giorno, only for him to catch it with ease before placing it next to him on the bed. “I’m not trying to be funny Gio! Answer me!”

“First and foremost, you should know the mafia is MY forte, and I probably would respect the man if he actually was a member. It would make getting in a bit more easier.” You snorted at his answer. If you had a dollar for every time the boy mentioned dropping out of school to join the mafia you’d probably be as rich as his father by now. “However, every now and then he gets one as a client, if they’re willing to pay good that is. He’s a lawyer.” You looked around once more and out the open door as the maid walked by carrying a basket full of laundry. If this is what a lawyer could afford, maybe you were studying the wrong major.

“I have one more question.” Gio simply nodded his head for you to continue as he began typing on his laptop, pulling up the notes for the project you were assigned. “Why did that maid say this was the Brando residence? There was a plaque outside too with that name. I thought your last name was Giovanna?”

“It is Giovanna,” he answered without looking up from the computer screen. “That was my mother’s maiden name. My father’s last name is Brando. They were never married.” His curt reply told you that there was definitely more behind the story, but you decided not to press the issue for now and kept any more questions to yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Roughly three or four hours had passed since you and Giorno had begun working on your project, satisfied with the work so far you both decided to take a break. The due date wasn’t until a week from now, but this project was for your marine biology class and the professor was known for being a hardass when it came to grading so the sooner you could work on it, the more time you could use to perfect it before it reached him. You tossed your pen onto the bed, cracking your fingers and stretching your arms. Giorno had brought out his espresso machine an hour into the session and was now brewing himself another cup. You honestly never heard of anyone who kept a spare coffee machine in their bedroom, but Giorno mentioned that while he lived in Italy, it apparently was a normal thing. You called bullshit but decided not to break your head over it anymore.

“You sure you don’t want another cup of coffee Y/N?” You covered your mouth to stifle a yawn, wagging your finger at him.

“No thank you, if I drink too much caffeine I won’t be able to sleep tonight. Besides,” You added while hopping off of his bed. “Another cup of anything and I think my bladder will explode. Where’s the closest bathroom in this maze?”

“Down the hallway on the other end of the staircase, turn right.”

“Grazie!” He simply shot you a thumbs up as you made your way out with his, albeit vague, directions. Soon you went down the hallway and passed the stairs. “Alright he said turn right and we should be in business…” As soon as you turned the corner you stopped to see three doors, one on the right side closest to you and two on the left. All three were closed and Giorno hadn’t mentioned there’d be more than one door. “Well...only one way to find out.” Without another thought you naturally went to the single door on the right and opened it without hesitation. Not the brightest idea.

You halted in place, mouth going dry. The door you opened led not to the bathroom but to an older looking study. The three walls in front of you were lined ceiling to floor with bookcases, a small globe in the corner. In the center of it was a large mahogany desk, covered in scattered papers. What made you really stop however was the tall and muscular blond man casually leaning against the desk...with the maid on her knees facing him. The moment you had opened the door he had slowly looked up from the woman to you, not even startled by your intrusion. At first the only sounds you could hear was your own rapid heartbeat echoing in your ears, but now you were focusing on the sounds coming from the maid and noticing how her head was bobbing. A blush began to creep up your neck to your face as it looked like he made no intentions of stopping her either.

“Is there something I can help you with? I’m a bit busy if you couldn’t tell.” His deep voice had wrapped around your mind, slowly dragging you out of your thoughts. It sounded so calm, despite the current situation. You had to basically tear your eyes from the scene in front of you, your face burning more.

“I-I’m so sorry! I was just looking for-” You began to stutter, but he raised a hand stop you mid sentence.

“It’s the door across.” You quickly bowed and practically slammed the door shut, missing the sinful look on the man's face as he watched your retreating form.

You bolted into the room across, thankful this time for it actually being the bathroom as you locked the door letting out a shaky breath. You had no doubt in your mind that you had just met Giorno’s father, and unceremoniously at that.

“What a great first impression,” You thought aloud. You made your way to the sink to run some cool water on your face in hopes of getting your flustered look back to normal. After you were done and completed your original business you just stood at the closed door, you were a bit nervous to step foot outside the bathroom if god forbid HE was to come out at the same time. Unfortunately, god decided to dislike you at this moment as you heard a small knock on the restroom door. “Just a second,” You shakily called out. Deeply hoping it was Giorno wondering what was taking you so long. When you finally had the gall to open the door you were instead met with the sight of the young maid, her hair this time was a bit disheveled and a small pink tint was hinting at her cheeks.

“Hello again Ms. Y/N,” She squeaked out. This time she would not meet your eyes, looking towards the ground instead. “Mr. Brando would like for you to join him in his study for a moment. I will be taking my leave for the evening, please enjoy the rest of your stay.” She bowed and sped away and out of sight, not giving you a chance to apologize about walking in on them. You swept your eyes over the closed door to the study across from you, feeling a cold sweat begin to form on your brow. You inhaled deeply before settling your nerves and walking over. This time you knocked on the door and waited for an answer.

“Come in.” With another deep breath you slowly edged the door open, once again being welcomed by the dimly lit study. This time the man, whom you now knew was in fact Giorno’s father, sat behind his desk patiently, fingertips pressed together right above his wide chest. “I’m glad you learned how to knock this time,” He teased with a grin.

“Trust and believe I learned my lesson, again I want to properly apologize about intruding on...something so private.” You could hear your voice falter under his intense gaze, and he let out a deep chuckle. The sound was so alluring, and you felt your throat beginning to dry.

“That’s quite alright. I wanted us to start over on that first impression. Given the maid explained to me you’re a friend of my son, I didn’t think it appropriate for your first meeting of me to be in the middle of having my cock sucked,” He stated as if he were just talking about a small inconvenience. Your eyes widened at his crudeness and you couldn’t help but blush and look away, positive that you were as red as a cherry now.

“Well then...I appreciate the second chance then Mr. Brando.”

“Dio.”

“I beg your pardon?” You turned your face back to him, now he had his arms resting beside him on the chair. There was an almost playful look in his eyes.

“You can call me Dio. Mr. Brando is far too old for my taste.”

‘Of course his name would be something like Dio...how well it suits him too,’ You thought to yourself.

“Alright then...Dio. I’m Y/N, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” You bowed to formally greet the man, and when you looked back up he was beckoning you with his finger to come forward. You thought about just staying put but in the end began walking towards him. As you got closer, you were able to notice his features more clearly. His vibrant blond hair sat at neck length, small fringes of bangs reaching right about his thick brows. His eyes almost looked cat like, predatory even yet strikingly alluring. You assumed they were a light brown color but with the dim lighting they almost looked red, adding a supernatural aura to him. He was gorgeous, and now you knew where Giorno got his looks from. Once you reached the edge of his desk, he held out his hand for you, almost as if he were asking for a handshake. You reached out your own to reach his, taking notice at how incredibly large his hand was to yours. However he gently wrapped his fingers around your hand and leaned over, placing a warm kiss on your knuckles. The small action immediately sent a wave of heat through your entire body. He looked up at you through hooded eyes, not moving your hand away from his face. Your blush had never left, and the heat began to grow unbearable as you watched his eyes slowly sweep down your face, stopping for a moment at your lips before coming back up to lock once more with your own.

“The pleasure is mine, Ms. Y/N.” His voice dropped to a seductive whisper, the breath from his words ghosting over your knuckles and sending a shiver down your spine. Slowly he slipped his hand from yours, lingering on your fingertips for the briefest of moments before resting it on his thigh. You followed his movements with your eyes, noticing how thick and muscular his thighs were, straining against the fabric of his beige dress pants. Your eyes crept up, landing on the small amount of skin peeking out from his shirt he hadn’t bothered to tuck back in. The white button down seemed to be a second skin, as it clung to every contour and muscle on his body, the first two buttons undone to give you a glimpse of just what lies underneath. Finally, your journey stopped on his lips; deliciously pouty and upturned into one of the most devilish smirks you’d ever seen. “See something you like?” You dragged your eyes up completely to meet his, only to be greeted with an intense gaze that burned through your entire body. He had watched you ogle him shamelessly like a horny school girl, and couldn’t look more proud about it. At that moment the door to the study swung open, snapping you out of your trance.

“I was worried you got lost, looks more like you got trapped.” Giorno’s familiar voice was laced with venom, his face contorted to one of disgust. He stayed at the entrance of the study, holding the door open to allow the light from the hallway to seep through. He was focused solely on Dio, who sat relaxed in his chair unbothered by the angry blonde boy.

“Oh, what a pleasant surprise my son.” He emphasized the last two words, earning an eye twitch from the younger. “ I was just introducing myself to your exquisite friend here. I’m quite hurt that you hadn’t introduced me to her sooner.” Giorno simply scoffed at his father’s words.

“Well now that you’ve met, I’d like to have her returned to me now. We have a project to finish.” Giorno then turned his eyes to you, his gaze softening immensely. “Come on Y/N, I ordered us some takeout and it should be here soon so we can get back to work.”

“O-oh. Uh thanks Gio,” You mumbled. Your mind was still in a bit of a haze, but you were beginning to get your bearings. You turned to look at Dio and bowed once more. “It was nice meeting you Mr...I mean Dio. Please have a great rest of your evening.” With that you turned and began high tailing towards the door. Giorno moved back into the hallway as you approached, but before you could close the door that seductive voice reached out to you once more.

“Y/N,” he purred out. Slowly you turned towards him, hand still in the door knob. “If you need anything at all tonight, please do not hesitate to come look for me. You are our guest here and it would be my...” his tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip, “greatest pleasure to assist you.” You couldn’t help but swallow at the second meaning behind his words. Afraid to hear your own voice you simply nodded your head before softly closing the door behind you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Giorno had interrogated you for a bit on your meeting with Dio, and you lied and told him you simply got curious after finding the bathroom and stumbled upon the study. You could tell he knew you were leaving something out but you would be damned if you actually told him the real way you found his father. After making sure you were ok enough for him and confirming that the man never touched you he dropped the subject and you both went on with the project while enjoying the food he had ordered. At around 1 AM you both agreed on turning in for the night and to continue in the morning. Giorno showed you to the guest room right next to his and bid you goodnight, finally leaving you alone with your thoughts. You laid on top of the bed just staring at the ceiling for a while. No matter how hard you tried, you kept replaying the meeting with Dio over and over again to the point that the memory of the maid slowly morphed and it was now you on your knees in front of him instead of her.

“Get out of my head!” You angrily whispered, not wanting for your friend to hear you through the walls. You glanced at your phone to see the time, ‘1:30 AM’ mocked the bright numbers. You got up from the bed and dug through your duffle bag and pulled out your pajamas. You thought about just changing and forcing yourself to sleep but you felt too warm and wanted a shower. Immediately you thought about going to the one down the hall but your stomach dropped, you did NOT want to run into you know who. “This house is huge, there’s definitely another bathroom somewhere.” You slowly made your way out of the room and into the quiet hallway. You checked the other rooms near yours only to find another guest room and a movie room, which you knew you were going to beg Giorno to set up a movie night after all of this. You walked down the hall and stopped at the stairs, looking at the hallway across from you where you knew the bathroom was.

“Maybe he’s not there anymore and went to bed?” You said to yourself. You shook your head and continued on your mission of finding another bathroom and descended down the stairs, you weren’t going to take any chances. Finally after finding the kitchen, two more guest rooms and a billiards room, you found a second bathroom. It was smaller and less ornate than the one up stairs but it was still a decent size and had a stand up shower. You mentally cheered before placing down your items and quickly began stripping. Soon you were in the shower letting the cool water bounce across your skin, feeling the tension in your body slowly melt away. Occasionally your mind would wander onto the relationship Giorno had with his father, yes the man was indeed intimidating and there was something below the surface of that beautiful face that felt a bit dangerous, but there was nothing else that struck out to you as to why your friend couldn’t stand him. He’s told you about how egotistical the man is and how they always lived on edge of a fight, but never actually gave you hard proof or reasons for the intense dislike. Giorno had told you about his mother and how a complete bitch she was while he was growing up and everything she had put him through so you understood his feelings towards her completely. Eventually she dumped him off onto Dio one day and just disappeared from his life, ‘good riddance’ he had told you. Yet the mechanics of his relationship with his father was still kept a mystery to you and he would close up about it if you started asking too many questions. The only answer you’ve gotten so far was that they shared a difference in morals, and that was it.

After a good while you finished your shower and started to dry off. You felt as if a thousand weights were lifted from your shoulders and quickly put the events of the evening to the back of your mind, finally feeling sleepy. You began to get dressed but noticed something odd. You could have sworn you brought a clean pair of underwear to change into along with your pajamas. You looked around the bathroom floor to see if maybe it had fallen but found nothing.

“Maybe I left them in the bag by accident?” You shrugged your shoulders and just decided to just slip on your night shorts without underwear , you’d put some on when you got back to your room. You opted for a simple tank top as well to complete the look, your body was still a bit wet so the shirt became damp making the material a bit see through. You didn’t really care much, not like you were going to run into anybody like this..

You made your way out of the bathroom, the air inside the house suddenly felt a lot more colder and you began to shiver. Scurrying your way through the first floor you finally made it back to the stairs and started to climb them. You hadn’t noticed the extra pair of footsteps walking the hall until you were half way up, stopping completely in your tracks and if you hadn’t met him tonight the sight before you would’ve been a terrifying one. Dio stood at the top of the stairs, his back facing the little bit of light from the hall so all you could really see was the outline of his body, his face was completely hidden in the shadows. It felt like you were looking at a ghost and not a man.

“What a coincidence, I was just on my way down to look for you, Ms. Y/N..” His voice was as smooth as ever, but you noticed there was something else there that you couldn’t quite pick up on. “What on earth are you doing up at this hour?” You were feeling a bit uneasy with how calm he sounded, and the fact that you couldn’t see his face was making it worse.

“I was just taking a bath..” You answered meekly, your throat feeling tight.

“And why would you go through the trouble of going all the way down there? You already know there’s one upstairs.”

‘ Because I didn’t want to run into like I just did now.’ You thought to yourself. You swallowed hard before answering.

“I-I didn’t want to disturb you in case you were asleep.”

“Aren’t you the thoughtful one.” He let out a chuckle. “No matter, I actually was looking for you to see if you forgot something.”

“Not that I know of..why?” You wanted for this conversation to be over already, the tension that you had just showered away crawling right back to you. Dio let out another chuckle, this one sounded a bit huskier. He didn’t say anything but lifted his hand out to the side, and your eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. In his hand were your missing panties, where as he was still in the shadows they were illuminated VERY clearly in the light. You felt your embarrassment multiply as he laughed at your reaction.

“I found them on the floor up here by the stairs and figured they were yours, unless Giorno has changed his sense of fashion recently which I doubt considering he’s never liked polka dots to begin with. Then again I’m not one to judge.” You could hear the teasing tone in his voice and you couldn’t help but laugh nervously at his joke.

“This is just outright embarrassing, but thank you for trying to return them to me.” You kept mentally cursing to yourself about this whole situation, and how this happened in the first place; you should’ve just let Giorno come to your apartment to study like he wanted from the beginning. You began climbing the stairs to retrieve your underwear from the blond, but as soon as you reached the last step he took one step back just out of your reach. You furrowed your brows and stepped forward again, and once more he took another step back. “Um...what are you doing?”

“Playing your game, Ms. Y/N.” You rose a brow in confusion, you were honestly getting annoyed now.

“What game?” He let out a ‘hmph’ before turning around and walking down the hall, still dangling your underwear over his shoulder for you to see. “Hey!” You shouted and followed after him as he disappeared around the corner, once you reached it you stopped to see the door to his study was wide open. You made your way over and stood in front of the open door, on top of his desk were your panties, but Dio was nowhere in sight.

‘ I would have to be a complete idiot not to realize this is a trap.’ You stayed in place, just staring at the underwear that was mocking you. He had to be somewhere in there, but the dim lighting made it hard to see into the small shadows in the corner of the room, and the light from the hallway wasn’t helping much either. You contemplated just leaving them there, it wasn’t like you had no more underwear at home, but deep down you wanted to see what would happen and the moment that thought crossed your mind you felt a warm sensation through your body. Your fantasy was getting the better of you and before you realized it you were walking towards the desk. You reached the desk and still no sign of the man, so you reached out to grab your underwear without hesitating.

*Click*

The light from the hallway completely disappeared as the door was closed, you didn’t turn around but you could feel someone staring at you from behind. His footsteps echoed in the room, surprised that you could even hear them over the sound of your own heartbeat blaring in your ears. He stopped right behind you, his chest practically pressed against your back. A large hand reached out from behind you and took hold of the clothes that you were still clutching in your hands before tossing them to the side. Once more the hand came into your line of vision and tenderly cupped your face and turned it to the side to meet Dio’s hot gaze. His hand was cold in comparison to your hot face as he slowly traced circles on your bottom lip with his thumb. He bent his head down to your ear, pressing you against his body in the process and feeling his hardness rub against your ass. You let out a gasp, earning you a chuckle from the large man, his warm breath tickling your ear.

“I knew from the moment I laid eyes on you, that you’d be a special treat.” His voice felt like velvet as he whispered into your ear, the sound along with his breath was beginning to make your body betray you as each word he whispered sent a throbbing heat to your core. He kissed the spot right behind your ear, slowly ghosting his lips across your jaw, then your cheek before hungrily taking your own lips with his. His lips were softer than they looked as they caressed your own, earning a moan from you. Dio took the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, deepening the kiss. You should’ve pushed him away, bit his tongue, elbowed him to make a run for it or something instead of just giving in. His other hand had wrapped around your waist, but was now moving up and under your tank top grabbing a hold of your right breast and massaging it. Dio finally pulled away from the kiss and aside from the lustful look on his face he seemed unaffected, unlike you who was a panting red faced mess.

“We shouldn-'' Was all you were able to breath out before he pinched your nipple hard eliciting another moan from you as he began rubbing the sensitive bud between his fingers.

“Your voice sounds so sweet when you moan for me Y/N, I want more of it.” His other hand left your face as it travelled to the waistband of your shorts before slipping through easily, running a long thick finger across your slit. Your hips on their own accord bucked at the sensation, making Dio laugh darkly. “My, my, all I did was kiss you and you’re already so wet. You’re a very filthy girl aren’t you Y/N?” You turned your face away from him and bit your lip to hold back another moan as he slipped his finger inside you and began pumping it slowly. Your knees began to buckle from underneath you, so Dio pushed you both forward effectively pinning your legs between him and the desk to stop you from falling.

“I can’t do this,” You whined to him. “Your Giorno’s father..” You squeezed your eyes shut in pain as he added two more fingers and began pumping at an obscene pace, not allowing you to stretch around them first.

“I’m well aware of who I am to that boy.” He answered gruffly.The hand that was on your breast moved and was cupping your face a bit more rough than before, his fingers now hitting your sweet spot causing your breath to stop in your throat. “I’m also aware about his feelings for you and how blissfully ignorant you are to them. Which makes this so much more sweeter for me.” He kissed you again, this time more feverishly. As he pulled away again he withdrew his fingers from your heat at the same moment, leaving you feeling empty. That feeling was short lived however as he pushed you down onto the desk, your chest was completely pressed against it making your ass push out towards him. Dio pulled your shorts down to your ankles, the cold air rushing to your wet core making you shiver. You could hear him unzipping his pants and the ruffling of clothing, before you felt the tip of his dick tease against your entrance. Slowly he inched it into you, stretching out your hole. It had not hurt as much as you thought it would but there was a dull pain nonetheless from how big he was. You’ve had partners before so you were by no means a virgin, but you’d be damned if you had anybody with his size.

“Such a nice and tight cunt you have my dear Y/N. I can’t wait to ruin it.” Without wasting another moment he gripped your hips with both hands as he began to fuck you roughly, the lewd sound of his skin slapping against yours were drowned out by your loud moans. His chest was pressed firmly against your back, his head right next to your ear and you could hear every groan and grunt that escaped his lips. “I wish you could see the look on your face right now,” He panted into your ear, not once stopping his relentless pace. “Such a dirty look for a dirty girl.” You had no response, the only thing falling from your mouth being your own incoherent screams and moans. Soon you felt a hot pressure beginning to build, each thrust bringing you closer to your edge.

“Dio please!” You couldn’t recognize your voice, it sounded so hoarse and needy. He took notice and snaked a hand down between your legs, pressing a finger onto your clit but not moving it.

“Please what, my dear Y/N?” He began to slow his pace, getting you on the verge of tears as you felt the pressure begin to fade. “I want to hear you beg for it.” You tried to bring your hips to meet his but he only pulled farther away. Finally you gave in.

“Make me cum from your cock Dio, please!” Satisfied he picked up his pace, slamming into you as he began rubbing your clit in tight circles. The pressure began building up again causing your vision to go in and out.

“I want you to scream my name when you cum. Be a good little girl for me.” His voice is what sent you over the edge as his name ripped from your throat as you orgasmed. As you came your core squeezed around him, bringing him close to his. He pulled out with a final groan as he emptied his load onto your ass. As your high began to die down, you felt the pain on your thighs from being pounded into the desk. You were going to have bruises tomorrow for sure. Slowly Dio lifted himself from on top of you, lifting you off of the desk as well. “I apologize, but it seems I may have made a bit of a mess on you.” His breathing was back to normal, but when you turned around you looked down and nearly choked. He was still as hard as a rock. “Why don’t I join you for a another shower, Ms. Y/N?” The devilish look on his face was enough to tell you that your little romp was far from over.

[leah-halliwell92]

Touches

Summary: Both alive by cheer luck, Dracula and Zoe find each other in a strange predicament. Both make the unanimous decision to leave London behind for the country side to give their senses some time to wind down. What happens when another vampire knocks on their door seeking refuge?

“You know you could just sing the first thing that pops into your mind and see if we are fated,” Dracula suggested from his place in the cozy fire lit living room of the cottage they lived in.

Zoe scoffed at that and sat on the chair opposite him all the while saying, “Song or not it would make sense that we are mated. There is too much history between us for there not to be.”

Dracula hummed at that resisting the urge to roll his eyes keeping his gaze on the book he’d been reading. He knew she’d have a point if there had been any proof of a link from the time he met Agatha. He’d sang his song to her and nothing happened. He figured that it was in the bloodline, Zoe is her descendant after all. Meaning if nothing happened in the beginning of his interaction with the Helsing bloodline then nothing will. And she wondered why the brides.

He’d decided he did regret what happened to Johnny. He’d practically heard the song in his blood smelt it through Mina’s in the convent. He should have respected the sanctity of the bond and now he’s paying the price. Eternity with not mate is a lonely existence despite having lived almost 6 centuries on his own.

While not a mated, for fated, pair both found a surprisingly peaceful platonic way of living...after she convinced him to at least “harvest” their life source through more inconspicuous means. He’d agreed and decided to take a major step and get a part time in the small town’s local blood bank.

“I need to learn control anyway,” he’d told Zoe when she’d given him a bewildered disbelief filled look.

And he meant that, he’d needed to take control of his thirst especially since he wishes to spend more time in the sun after so long away from her warmth.

That had been nearly six months ago.

To date the pair did not know how they came back, the foundation didn’t know how they came back and they most certainly did not know how Zoe was still human. If there is a God he thank him for at least allowing this small mercy. He didn’t want Zoe to fall prey to the foundation’s experiments just because he’d accidentally turned her. He didn’t need Agatha in his head more that she already was because he’d subjected Zoe to the experimentation of her human colleagues.

“Do you think they’re out there Dracula?” He heard Zoe ask curiously.

“Hmm?” He hummed in response curious as to where this line of questioning is going.

“Our songs,” she said plainly.

“I lost of finding mine long ago,” he said honestly closing the book, “And at this point I don’t think they exist for me.”

Zoe tilted her head to the side in curiosity, he felt Agatha doing the same.

He sighed and stood as he saw the late hour on the grandfather clock behind her chair in the far wall.

“It’s late,” he said and stood putting the closed book on the coffee table.

“Why?” He heard her ask curiosity still in her voice.

He turned to face her brows up at her question.

“Why do you think they don’t exist?” She asked.

He chuckled at that and said, “You've drank my blood...think about it.”

With that he left her to her thoughts with a quiet, “Sleep well,” and left to his room.

It’s 11 pm and the question Zoe asked him was still doing pinwheels in his head. He twisted and turned in bed attempting to fall asleep before breathing a restless sigh and pulling off the blankets and getting out of bed. He made his way to the ensuite bathroom and splashed some water on his face sighing into the towel as he dried his face, ignoring his reflection as much as possible, before tugging at the waist band of his black boxers exposing his left hip where words lay.

I'm blinded by the lights No, I can't sleep until I feel your touch I'm drowning in the night Oh, when I'm like this, you're the one I trust

The area where second verse of the stanza is had been scarred over badly from a battle injury long ago making it difficult for him to read the rest. His marks had changed over the years of his unlife, some had come and gone in what looked like the blink of an eye. It hadn't been until one hundred years or so before one Jonathan Harker had paid him a visit that these markings had appeared and hadn’t changed since, which he’d found odd.

He ran a finger over the words and sighed allowing himself to feel the loneliness he’d fought to bury over his centuries. It had taken him almost dying to learn that you don’t run or hide from your feelings, your heart or the human side you thought you’d long since buried.

“Penny for your thoughts?” A voice said from behind him.

He looked up to find Zoe looking at him in worry through their reflexions on the mirror.

“Nothing worth mentioning,” he said pulling his boxers back in place before turning to her with an inquisitive brow up and a question on his tongue.

“I did knock,” she said hands raised in a sign of surrender.

He sighed and reached for a pair of sweats the hung on the towel bar before noticing she looked like she had just gotten back from her evening walk.

“But there is a reason you’re here I gather,” he says as he puts them on.

She nodded and approached clearly not affected by his naked chest and said, “We both know the type of creatures that live in the woods near us, bar us I mean.”

He nodded urging her to go on.

“But I have to admit, there were some new noises there tonight that I’d never heard before,” she said and walked out of his bathroom to his window and looking out, “I heard running and climbed on top of the nearest tree like you taught me before hearing a second set of footsteps these more calm than the first and found it more than a little odd. There’s usually no out there after dark Dracula you know this. Question is what would humans be doing in the middle of the woods?”

He had to admit she had a point and put on a grey t-shirt and joining her by the widow.

He looked at the tree line his brows furrowed as he scanned the line.

“What did the other noises sound like to you?” He asked.

“Growling...” she said and gave the tree line her own sweep, “But not from any animal I’d ever heard from the animals that live there.”

“Do you still have that runner’s backpack?” He asked before flying through their home checking that all the lights where off.

“Wai–”

“Shh,” he said putting his hand over her mouth.

Now she was alarmed. She’d never seen Dracula so shaken before and to see him act like this was cause for concern. She didn’t want to think what could be out there that could trigger him so strongly but knew she’d stumbled on the answer during her run...they are no longer the only vampires in the area.

She nodded in answer to her question.

He nodded and put the pointer finger of his free hand over his lips, “Shhhh.”

She nodded and took a calming breath as he took his hand back.

He pointed to her running shoes and she got the hint. If they were to be as quiet as they needed to be she’d have to leave them behind.

They made quick work of gathering the wooden stakes and throwing them in the pack before walking into the half-moon lit night.

He made sure their home was secure before closing his eyes and taking a deep (unnecessary) breath.

Zoe was about to ask what he was doing when she heard the familiar huffing of wolves.

“They will follow behind us just in case,” he said as he started walking toward the tree line his demeanor one Zoe had never seen on him before.

He looked every bit the predator he’d warned her he could be but never took to heart. She isn't stupid, she knew they are top of the food chain predators. But one thing is hearing it and another is seeing him shift and break away from his gentleman’s veneer and let his inner beast out. From seeing this alone she knew she has many things to learn still.

She followed just a few steps behind him as they ran through the woods looking every bit like his second in their coven. She saw him take a deep breath taking in the scents that lingered in the air.

He growled as he recognized one of the two scents in the air.

Zoe looked at him question in her eyes.

“My maker seemed to have another on his sights,” he said with a growl eyes red and his fangs out.

00//00//00

A/N: Like and reblog if you liked the first part!! Let me know if you want to be tagged.

Dracula Tag-List: @kaddis-world, @count-snackula, @your-pixels-are-showing, @peachlogiic, @the-life-and-times-of-a-nerd, @lokiisbrucebanner, @deny-black, @drsherlockmoffat, @festering-queen, @ashashashashashie, @hoefordarkness,  @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels, @glamrockmonarch, @damesteph, @carydorse, @allis143, @break-free-killer-queen, @bloodspatteredprincess, @dracula-s-bride, @disneymarina @thebeautyofdisorder, @purvana, @hyacinth-meadow, @rheabalaur​, @chibicheeberson​, @camille-stark​, @hopipollahorror​

[bang-and-a-blintz]

Through the Darkness

CHAPTER TWO - DEJA VU

Fandom: Dracula (2020)  

Relationship: Dracula/Roxana(OFC)  

Rating: Mature  

Warnings: None  

Word Count: 1,999

Holy shit it was getting hot in here, Roxana thought as she wiped her face with the crisp white towel and then tossed it on the table with a sigh. Even though it was starting to freeze outside, her kitchen was scorching. Absently, she hoped that the pipes wouldn’t burst again, which had already happened twice this winter. 

All the food was prepped and ready for the guests that evening, she went through and turned up all the ovens so they’d be set by the time everyone would begin to arrive. Roxana glanced at the clock and then looked over the menu once more before grabbing her jacket and walking out back to smoke a cigarette. 

“Well this cold weather can kindly fuck right off.” She grumbled, fighting the wind to flick her lighter. After a few more clicks and curses, she succeeded and took a long drag. She exhaled slowly and closed her eyes for a moment, leaning back against the back door.

It had been many long years of busting her ass to get to where Roxana was today: the proud owner and executive chef of her own thriving restaurant. She should feel carefree as usual. But there was just something off about this night, she couldn’t help but to feel on edge all day long and when she brushed it off earlier, she was unable to shake the intensity in which it grew. 

Thus the cigarette. Roxana usually tried to moderate her vices, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t chief down almost an entire pack already that day.

“Bitch I thought you quit smoking!” So much for a moment to herself.

Roxana turned to see her sous-chef walking towards her, all bundled up so that no inch of skin showed, and he was shivering quite dramatically all the while glaring daggers at her. “Look at you being on time! Guessing the streetcar froze up and left your cheap ass with getting a cab?” 

“Ha fucking ha.” He burrowed even further into his down jacket and impatiently waited for her to move away from the door, “That streetcar was packed up tighter than Cooter’s on a game night, baby, I nearly had to fight someone’s granpaw to get up in there. Honestly now, what could be so urgent? He ninety. Well? Are you gonna fucking get out the way or what, Rocks? I’ll be no use to you with frozen fingers, I’ll tell you what!”

She chuckled and tossed the butt in the trash before gallantly opening the door. He wasted no time rushing in and placing his hands close to the ovens. Al Patrone had been her kitchen partner at their previous job and if it had not been for his endlessly entertaining sass, she would have never made it in that horrid place. They became thick as thieves from years of bickering back and forth over the fires.

So it was no surprise that when Roxana told Al her plans to start her a new restaurant, he immediately pick up his knives and followed her out. Even though he had been with the establishment for nearly a decade, Al didn’t bat an eye when he gave them the finger and left.  The owner was a xenophobic and misogynistic piece of shit anyways. Fuck him. 

The idea was presented to her, Roxana somehow ended up in the right place at the right time, because that’s how these things usually happen. While she was throwing back tequila shots at the Monteleone, she met some famous actor - not that she gave the damn, his name was Tom…or was it George? - they chatted the evening away. The next day she invited him to the restaurant she had worked to show him some local cuisine. 

Even though he was positively salivating over her seared pompano, the man constantly bemoaned to her about the lack of small and intimate restaurants in New Orleans. He wasn’t wrong. Most of the fancy to-do joints all sat three to six hundred people a shift and seemed to have a turnover rate higher than a pornstar. 

The guy basically wanted a butler and in-home chef, but not actually be at his home. To all the peasants working in the food industry, the idea was laughable.

“Oh and how would I keep up the bills with serving just one table a night, huh?” She had huffed and signaled for another round of shots. “Seems like some whimsically ludicrous pipe dream to me.”

He had looked her dead in the eye, suddenly sober enough for the moment, “If you can cook the way you do in this shit hole, then darlin’ I can only imagine what you could whip up when you’ve got nothing holding you back. I know people who would pay the building’s rent in a single night after eating just one of your meals. I’m fucking serious.”

Who was she to deny that sort of opportunity?

Roxana had gotten a steal of a deal on the building and simply fell in love with the neighborhood. It was in the Irish Channel down closer to the river with a breathtaking view of the Crescent City Connection bridge. The property was an old Spanish colonial styled building with dark red stucco that faded in areas revealing the old brick beneath. High white arches lined the front entrance, the gas lanterns flickered shadows against the ceiling and danced when the large canopy fans spun lazily. 

It seemed to almost slink into the darkness of the night, hiding in plain sight amongst the other homes on the street. The large and ominous oak trees stood guard out front, their branches were natural curtains and their roots fenced in the broken sidewalks like a front yard.

The interior was a stark contrast with light gray brick walls with natural reds scattered across, aspen wood flooring, and industrial piping that lined the walls with vintage light bulbs. Very bright and open in a comforting coffee-shop sort of feel.

There was just one large black table that severed the room in half. The chairs assembled around the exterior of the rectangle while the inside had a long walkway down to the front. Similar to hibachi-style but instead of the large grill top, there was an empty space that allowed Roxana and Al to personally serve each dish directly. 

In the back, the kitchen gleamed and sparkled, the burners all neatly arranged on the large island in the middle of the room reflected the lights above and glimmered like diamonds. Roxana would meticulously scrub everything down every night before finally closing so it would always remain spotless. 

It was simple and elegant, intimate and relaxed. She put her blood, sweat, and tears into the remodel and hoped beyond all hope that it wouldn’t all have been for nothing. Roxana had a strange sort of optimism about the project, something she had never felt before, and so she decided on naming her restaurant Sanguine. 

True to her friend’s word, he made a few calls to some of his famous friends and told them to come down. One thing led to another and it blew up. These prominent and wealthy clients started to come in droves, they craved the exclusiveness, and they would happily pay beaucoup money for it. It all worked out flawlessly.

They decided on hiring just a hostess and valet, while Al helped Roxana run the kitchen and service. She took good care of her employees and in turn they treated her with the utmost respect, making sure that everything was impeccably done and ran smoothly.

That was three years ago and business was still very much booming.

“Are you gonna stop daydreaming and help me whip up these fucking cakes?” Al shouted over the music that he insisted on blasting full volume as soon as he put on his white double-breast chef jacket. 

“Oh calm yourself before your sweat ruins my recipe.”

Al’s eye grew wide in offense, “My sweat would give this bland shit some real flavor, honey.” 

Roxana barked out a laugh and grabbed a bowl. The two friends began to work together in easy synchronization. Shortly after, the hostess named Angeline peeked into the kitchen to tell them that the guests had begun to arrive and then returned to start seating. 

Al finally turned down the tunes to a reasonable level for a restaurant, but there was still a ringing noise echoing in Roxana’s ear. She shook her head and pulled the amuse-bouche out of the oven. 

They were having a smaller table than normal this evening with only five people, some local politicians that she had served before - the mayor, his wife, his popular defense attorney buddy, and two other names that she did not recognize.  

While they put all the finishing touches on the first two courses, the chefs could hear the absent chattering and boisterous laughter of their guests. However, one voice in particular caught their attention with its luscious baritone.

“Well hello there.” It was slightly muted behind the walls but the British accent was unmistakable. Al looked over to Roxana and waggled his eyebrows, she laughed and waved him off. 

“Good evening, sir, you must be Mr. Balaur. We’ve been expecting you, please come in!” Angeline’s cheerful voice lilted at a slightly higher pitch than normal. 

Al elbowed Roxana, “You know what that means, baby girl, we finna have a looker!”

She wiped away a smudge on the plate before nodding in satisfaction at the finished product, “What about that frenchman with the yacht last week you were schmoozing?”

“Rocks, please, that boy was twink-city-slams and should’ve stayed over at Tulane by them frats.” Al finished decorating with a little dusting of paprika on the remoulade and sighed dramatically, “I have moved on to bigger and better. Just need to pop down to Oz and find myself a daddy.” 

“What you need is therapy.”

“I already have a therapist.” Roxana rose a brow, her smile crooked goofily at her eclectic friend’s antics. Al popped a hip and gave her a look over his shoulder, “And her name is tequila, baby.”

She laughed openly and smacked him on the arm, “Alright, alright, let’s get this dinner going, you scoundrel.”

They filled their arms with plates and made their way towards the dining room.

With every step, the ringing in her ears grew louder and louder. Roxana frowned and tried stretching her shoulders to shake it off, but no avail. The two turned the corner and placed the plates down in front of each guest, then took a step back to politely let the clients quiet their conversations. 

As the chatter died down, Roxana could still only hear the roaring sound that permeated the cavity of her brain. Her arms lit up with goosebumps. What the actual fuck is happening? Her mind was frantic as she looked around at the faces of those dining, a chill crept up her spine in anticipation, and the hairs on the back of her neck shot straight up when her eyes met the sight before her.

Then everything was silent. Save for her heartbeat, which suddenly spiked as if she took off for a marathon. Thump, thump, thump, thumpity. 

“Oh fuck.” She didn’t even hear herself whisper.

But it caught the man’s attention and drew it from the woman seated next to him, his head tilted and ears perked at the sound of the beating drum within Roxana’s chest. 

Slowly, he turned his gaze towards her with a lazy smirk that almost immediately slipped from his face as hers came into focus. His jaw dropped slightly, gaping like a fish out of water for a moment before his eyebrows furrowed and his dark eyes softened in wonder. “Agatha?”

[carnallypowered]

dcvilishh​:

“ It’s something more than marriage. A marriage can be broken so easily where as a bond such as ours shared between two people is impervious to anything and everything, nothing can break us except the ones who are in that very bond if they truly want it.” Dracula did his best to explain thoroughly and elaborate while keeping his dark hazel hues ripe with seriousness as their was determination in his tone showing the gravity of the situation they were in. Of course he did feel a sense of guilt and the inclination of shame for bringing Mina unexpectedly in to his world which was baron, cold and cruel but so was life itself only this time they were immortal. “ I am sure you must feel as if you are in the dark but I promise you that I’ll guide you, help you and I will never give up on you. I’ll do anything you want of me.” Attempting to make her feel all the more comfortable in his presence as he had no form of hostility towards her. Following her closely as they walked past the massacred body caused by his desperation and thirst for blood causing him to be brutal with his killings as they were on the basis of a predator becoming reliant on predatory instincts to survive. Dracula had no intention to hurt or make her life even harder but rather take care of Mina. Drawing in his breath quietly and slowly after hearing her murmur of wanting to kill him for taking her beloved father from her. An expression of shock and confusion swept across his cold features as Dracula took a step closer towards Mina.” I am so sorry. I had no idea. “ His eyes looked down on Mina and the man who seemed to have been dying. Dracula turned his head away knowing he had to now face the consequences of his actions. Respecting Mina’s wishes to place her father in to his coffin. 

Silently he would nod in her direction and did as she asked of him. Carrying the body to the coffin in Dracula’s own treasured room. Replacing the coffin lid of stone properly when he would manage to get his servants and followers to do the work which lasted a few hours in to the night. After having a proper funeral for her father he would approach Mina in the empty hallway of his castle.” If you wish you’re welcome to end me. I know I did when I killed the man who murdered my wife although it didn’t help. It only made the pain bitter, hollow and gave me a lot of torment. I grew vicious, cruel and angry and drowned in it.” Dracula sauntered his way towards Mina while keeping his innocent soft eyes upon her face.” I knew I had to find peace so I restored my wife’s garden and took care of it myself. I grew her roses and I grew plenty of them while I remained behind these castle walls minding my own business.” His eyes would avert down away from her face as he was not seeking pity or any form of sympathy. Drawing in his breath when his eyes returned back to her face still with the expression of innocence.” If you do not decide to kill me then maybe you can join me for a drink?”

Anger and gratitude were warring within her, and it was giving her a terrible headache. Something that seemed impossible since sickness and death were no longer part of her worries. But his reassurances that he would be there for her meant something, and the concept of their blood bond ( or whatever it was called ) being stronger than marriage…well, it was too much to take in, too soon. But she would come to understand and accept her new life, which was something she had personally chosen by drinking all of his blood. She could have refused it and died several seconds later, yet there she was, a newborn vampire dealing with death and rebirth and the prospect of living forever.  Part of her anger towards him had diminished when he agreed to her request without hesitating. Over time, they might just become friends. It was too soon to hope for or think about any more than that. For her, at least. “Thank you,” she said once her father was inside the coffin. She’d heard him slide the heavy lid over it and knew that her father was at rest, hopefully no one would mistake him for the man now standing in front of her. “And no. If I kill you, it would just be continuing a cycle. It ends with me.” Hearing about his wife made her reach out to squeeze his arm gently. Comforting a centuries’ old vampire who was also her maker was not on her bucket list, but she did it anyway. “--- I am sorry to hear about your wife. You must have loved her a lot.” That was something no one had written about him. In the books she had read, he had been portrayed as a warlord without a family, but he’d just refuted that information with a simple statement.

“...a drink?” she smiled a little despite herself. “Is this your way of saying that you’re going to teach me how to feed like a vampire? Which I suppose is an important lesson to learn.” Mina glanced back at her father before looking at Dracula. “Of course. Where are we going?” She recalled passing several villages and towns on their way to his castle, and the nearest one had been an hour’s drive away. Since she had drank his blood, she assumed that she had the same powers he did. Powers that supposedly included the ability of turning into certain animals, like bats and wolves, hypnosis, and flight. Oh no. She bit her lip as she followed him, suddenly feeling nervous. An emotion that he probably felt too, which would make it difficult for her to lie to him ( and vice versa ). Rather than wait for him to ask her about it, she hurried up to catch him and placed a hand on his shoulder to catch his attention. “Dracula? Count? If we’re going to fly there…” she trailed off. Oh, she sounded like she was going to make a very bad vampire. “…I’m scared of heights.” Not to the point where it could be considered a phobia, but she always had this strong urge to jump. Though if she did that now, she might not be as hurt as she would have had she done it as a human. Still, she wasn’t that keen on testing it out.

@dcvilishh​

[bamon4bamily]

TVD 9x05 Halloween Special (part 2 of part 2). Enjoy! =)

Cut to – Matt’s house. Matt is taking a nap, breathing heavily… we go into his dream… A post-apocalyptic scene; Matt is running desperately through a horror scene of debris; suddenly, he hears Vicky’s voice …

 VICKY: Matty, stop running…

MATT: Vic? (Vicky appears, he runs to hug her, and bursts into tears).

VICKY: It’s okay Matty (consoling him). This isn’t your fault… you didn’t’ have a choice.

MATT: There is always a choice, Vic.

VICKY: No, there isn’t. This is what was meant to happen.

MATT: Everyone is gone, Vic. Yet, somehow, I’m still here… how was this supposed to happen…?

VICKY: It’s for the greater good, Matty, trust me. With death comes rebirth…

MATT: Who wants to be reborn into a world like this?

VICKY: I do, Matty… I do, Matty… I do, Matty… (Matt’s vision of Vicky becomes blurry, as she repeats the same words on a loop… suddenly the set changes, Matt is now in what looks to be a bunker).

MILITARY MAN: General, as per your orders, Sir… (he hands him a black box, Matt opens it; inside is a chess piece and a note that reads: Make a choice... Matt turns the chess piece around; a code and the letter “L” are engraved on the bottom).

MATT: Activate unit 1…

MILITARY MAN: General, are you sure we should proceed against protocol?

MATT: We don’t have a choice…

MILITARY MAN: With all due respect, General, there is always a choice…

MATT: (Sarcastic smirk) Do you really think we are in control? 

(In Matt’s mind, the song: Crazy by Gnarls Barkley, starts playing, almost to a frantic state. He gets more visions of a post-apocalyptic world, and him as a child on his 7th birthday, while uncontrollably and unwillingly laughing, yet crying at the same time...).

Cut back to Matt's room, Khuyana sitting on the bedside, trying to calm him down. Matt wakes up suddenly, looking disoriented and scared.

 KHUYANA: (Caressing his cheek) Hey, hey… it’s okay… you're okay...

MATT: (Still quite disoriented) Sorry...sorry... I... I... I was having a bad dream...

KHUYANA: (Looks into his eyes, they seem to stare at nothingness) Matt, please talk to me, what’s going on?

MATT: (Unable to contain himself any longer) I’m terrified… I feel like all of this is just the tip of the iceberg… and I don’t think I’m equipped to handle any of this...

KHUYANA: We are all scared Matt, that’s expected… but we have each other to lean on… please, don’t shut us out.

MATT: I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick (kisses her), I’m just trying to find the best way to handle this… (Looking somewhat defenseless) Whatever happens, you know I love you, more than anything, right?

KHUYANA: I know (kisses him back), and we will get through this together, I promise.

MATT: I hope we will… (kisses her again).

KHUYANA: Now, how about we start getting ready? Caroline will kill us if we are late.

MATT: Oh, for sure...  Trust me, we don’t want to make her mad.  

 Cut to – The Salvatore house, Damon’s room. Damon and Bonnie are chilling out, lying in bed watching The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari.

BONNIE: Why can’t they make movies like this anymore? The music, the visuals… a true masterpiece. Horror movies now are just about young, big-boobed, girls making the dumbest decisions…

DAMON: (Teasing) Hey, I’m all for that! They might not be masterpieces, Bon, but you can’t deny the aesthetics (winks)…

BONNIE: You’re disgusting! (hits him with a pillow).

DAMON: Hey! (Takes a pillow, hits her back).

BONNIE: Oh, no you didn’t! (hits him again: they start a pillow fight; both laughing and tugging; at one point, Damon lands on top of her).

DAMON: (Staring into her eyes) God, I love you… 

(Awkward pause… Caroline walks in the room, they quickly compose themselves).

CAROLINE: What are you guys doing?

BONNIE: Watching a movie…

CAROLINE: Is that so? Then why is the TV off? (during their pillow fight they must have accidentally pushed the remote).

BONNIE: (Quickly clicks it back on) … it’s… it’s not… look (points at the TV).

CAROLINE: (Gives her a smirk) Really, Bonnie?

DAMON: Care bare, has anyone ever told you, you have the worst timing, ever.

CAROLINE: I’m sorry if I interrupted your “movie”, Damon, I just wanted to tell you guys we need to start getting ready to go trick or treating with the girls.

BONNIE: (Jumps off the bed) On it! (rushes out the room to avoid further awkwardness).

CAROLINE: (As she is about to leave) Just make your move already… gees! (Leaves).

 Cut back to – 1921 Halloween Ball, past midnight. Rebekah (looking horrified) is walking through a sea of decapitated bodies in the ballroom, the song: Midnight, the Stars, and You, is playing on a loop.

All the guests are dead, the only survivors are herself, Stefan, Klaus, and the bartender; the mystery lady, Katherine and Stefan’s friend, are MIA. She approaches Stefan and Klaus, who are blissfully having a drink at the bar as if nothing had happened.

 REBEKAH: What happened?

KLAUS: Sister, you finally returned. What took you so long? I thought you were just going to fetch someone to clean up our mess… (looks around) I reckon it’s going to take a bit more to clean this one up.

REBEKAH: What the hell did you do? Are you both insane?! It’s fine to indulge, but this (looking at the massacre aftermath) … how could you?!

STEFAN: Oh, don’t be so overdramatic! This party was dead anyway (sarcastic smirk).

REBEKAH: We need to leave…

KLAUS: Relax, dear sister, have a drink with us. (To the bartender) Some champagne for the lady, please.

REBEKAH: Klaus, I’m being serious, we need to leave, now!

STEFAN: Don’t be a party pooper, Rebekah. (To Klaus) Is she always this uptight?

KLAUS: She can be quite dull at times. (To Rebekah) We are staying, sister. Do what you please, but if this is going to be your attitude, I suggest you call it a night.

REBEKAH: (Pissed off) Fine, I’m leaving… (as she is walking away) You know, just because you can avoid the consequences of your actions, it doesn’t mean they won’t haunt you forever…

STEFAN: (Mocking her) Oh, she is poetic too! (He and Klaus laugh and cheer. Rebekah leaves; they hear a voice).

VOICE: Well done, my dears, you have proven yourselves worthy. Don’t you let her (referring to Rebekah) get into your heads... We all go a little mad sometimes…

BARTENDER: (Hands them a room key with the letter “L” engraved on it and a room tag, 237) Gentlemen welcome to the club. The Madame is expecting you…

 Cut to – The Salvatore house. Everyone getting into costume. Damon walks into his room, procrastinating having to put his costume on. Bonnie, already in costume, is hiding behind the curtain, sneaks up from behind…

 BONNIE: (With a low voice) I’m Batman… (Damon jumps, she cracks up).

DAMON: Jesus, Bon! You scared the crap out of me! (Takes a good look at her, she looks breathtaking; he shutters). Wow, Bon, you look amazing… just… wow, I’m speechless…

BONNIE: Well, Robin, what are you waiting for? Suit up! I need my partner in crime.

DAMON: Bon, listen, about earlier… (Caroline walks in) Oh, you have got to be kidding me! Honestly, Blondie, timing!

CAROLINE: What? (Looks at Bonnie) Oh my god, Bonnie, you look gorgeous!

BONNIE: Thank you, so do you; that costume is awesome! 

CAROLINE: (Caroline is dressed as Lucy, from Bram Stoker’s Dracula adaptation film from 1992, in the iconic vampire wedding dress). Right? But, thanks to Stefan, I’m going to have to change it!

BONNIE: No, why?

CAROLINE: Well…

 Cut to – a few moments earlier, Stefan and Caroline’s room…

 STEFAN: Surprise! (Stefan comes out dressed as Dracula but with a Hotel Transylvania mask).

CAROLINE: Stefan! What the hell!? You are supposed to be Count Dracula! Lose the mask!

STEFAN: Caroline, please, I need some sort of dignity… I’m keeping the mask.

CAROLINE: Urr, fine! But now I’m gonna have to change mine!

 Cut back to – Bonnie, Damon and Caroline.

 CAROLINE: So, now, I need to find something else to wear.

BONNIE: I still don’t get it, why do you have to change it? It’s so cool, Care!

CAROLINE: I know, but we are supposed to have a themed match! And this (pointing at her costume) makes no sense with Stefan’s dumb ass mask! Anyway, I just wanted to make sure Fairy boy here (referring Damon) wasn’t bailing out on his promise too…

BONNIE: Oh, he hasn’t, right, Damon?

DAMON: (With resignation, takes his costume) Fine, I’ll put the stupid costume on. Now, can you both please leave so I can change? Unless you want to stay and watch (winks)…

CAROLINE: Ew, no! Come on Bonnie, help me find something to wear… (they leave).

Cut to- Whitmore college, Elena’s dorm. Sam comes out dressed as Princess Lea.

 SAM: So, what do you think?

ELENA: (Dressed as a Star Wars creature) Mmm… I don’t know how to feel about it… I’m getting some confusing vibes…

SAM: Admit it, you love it (smirks).

ELENA: I… I think I do… am I crazy?

SAM: You are just the right amount of crazy (kisses her, mask on and all). Mmm, actually, that was extremely confusing (they chuckle) Ready to go?

ELENA: Yep, just let me just grab my purse.

 Cut to – The Salvatore house, the twin’s bedroom

 CAROLINE: Come on girls, are you ready?

LIZ & JOSIE: (They come out of the bathroom dressed like the twins from The Shinning) Trick or treat!  

CAROLINE: (Whispers to Alaric) I know we thought this would be a cool idea, but I’m really creeped out…

ALARIC: Me too…

 Cut to – Matt’s house. Matt walks into the kitchen, dressed as Robocop.

 MATT: (To Tyler) I feel ridiculous in this… I can’t even move!

TYLER: (Who is dressed in a werewolf costume, mask and all) Man, where are you? Can’t see shit! 

KHUYANA: (Khuyana walks in, dressed as Lady Robocop) So, you boys ready to go?

MATT: Wow, K, you look amazing…

TYLER: Screw this, I’m taking the mask off!

MATT: Guys, before we go, I need you to promise me that if anything goes wrong, you will do what you need to do, no matter what.

KHUYANA: Matt, don’t; we talked about this… all we need to do is stick together.

TYLER: She’s right, man, we got this. 

MATT: Guess you are both right. Now... will a group hug be too awkward? (They laugh and hug it out).

 Cut to – The Salvatore house, Alaric’s room.  Alaric comes out of the bathroom, wearing a Lego Indiana Jones costume.

ALARIC: Indiana Jones in the house! Let’s go do this!

RADKA: (Dressed as Cat woman) Well, hello Mr. Jones. Pleasure to meet your acquaintance…

ALARIC: Meow! (Kisses her).  

ALARIC: Ready to go?

RADKA: Honestly, no… Can you please tell me this is all just a bad dream, and that we can go about our lives as if none of this is happening?  

ALARIC: Rad, we will pull this off; we got the best of the best … plus a little extra help.

RADKA: Well, I guess you are right. Crazy wizard guy and his sect ain’t got nothing on us! Lego do this! (Alaric laughs and kisses her again).

 Cut to – Katherine in her room dressed as Maleficent.

KATHERINE: (To herself, looking at the mirror) I’m gonna bring these bitches to the ground… (Smirks, walks closer to the mirror, trips over her dress) Oh, oh, shit! (Stefan comes in, can’t help but laugh at the scene).

STEFAN: Need some help?

KATHERINE: (Trying to pick herself back up) No, no… I’m fine, (playing it off) I’m just looking for a… for a… an earring, yes, an earring…

STEFAN: Sure, you are… Well, I just wanted to check up on you; make sure you were ready for this..,

KATHERINE: Of course I am! I’m Katherine Pierce.

STEFAN: (Sweet smirk) You surely are… Anyway, we are about to leave for trick or treating, you coming?

KATHERINE: Didn’t know I was invited…

STEFAN: I’m asking, so you are.

KATHERINE: What about blondie? Is she okay with me coming along?

STEFAN: She is the one that asked me to ask… so, bygones, I guess.

KATHERINE: How big of her…

STEFAN: Well, if you gave her a chance you’d realize just how great really she is.

KATHERINE: (With a resignation look) Fine...

STEFAN: Listen, I’ll leave you to find your “earring” (mocking) but make it quick; we are leaving in 5.

KATHERINE: (As he is walking out) Stefan… (with a bashful look) can you please help me up? I’m all caught up in this freakin dress!

STEFAN: (Stefan cracks up, helps her up). Are you sure, you don’t want to put on something else?

KATHERINE: Oh, hell no, I’m owning this!

STEFAN: If you say so… Come on, they are waiting downstairs. (They walk out, she has a hard time trying not to trip).

 The gang goes trick or treating; they laugh, get some treats and some tricks, and have a spooky fun time.

Cut to - The Mikaelson mansion. Klaus is in his bedroom getting ready for the Halloween party. He hears the piano playing in the living room; which is odd since Danae is out on an errand. He goes downstairs and finds that the piano is closed, there is nobody playing it… on top of the piano is a black box, inside, a pair of antique golden cuff links engraved with the letter “L” and a note that reads: “We all go a little mad sometimes…” 

Suddenly, the television in the family room turns on to a black and white film with a creepy puppet-like orchestra man, waving a baton to the vintage Halloween song: Boogie Woogie Man.

TVD 9x05 Halloween Special (part 3) coming up next! Hope you stop by, read and enjoy! ;)

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Predictions. Most of these ‘problems’ are either not going to be problems or are things fans absolute do admit.

 The video starts off shooting itself in the foot by acknowledging some fans will admit there are problems but that there are those who won’t admit this.

First of all, that’s pretty redundant because...no shit of course there are. There are people who will still defend Game of Thrones as the best TV show ever and there are those who acknowledge the Sopranos (which is the ACTUAL best TV show ever) wasn’t flawless.

Second of all if the author acknowledges this fact then why bother labelling the video ‘fans’ without a qualifier? Just saying ‘fans’ means they are referring to ALL or at least MOST fans. Let’s see how much that holds up in the video.

 10: Constant Major events

Okay so right off the top I’m calling bullshit.

It’s not just that MOST fans absolutely call out the insufferable number of events Spider-Man characters get involved with (even if you exclude line-wide Marvel events like War of the Realms) it’s that if there exists a fan who will honestly defend this as NOT a problem I’ve never seen a hint of them and neither has anyone else I know.

More noticeably though...this isn’t a problem exclusive to Spider-Man, not even a little bit.

EVERY Marvel and DC franchise popular enough have overstuffed annual events. In the X-Men they are literally called X-overs. Avengers No Surrender. This has been happening since the 1990s and REALLY been happening since the late 2000s/early 2010s.

This isn’t a Spider-Man problem its a Marvel/DC problem.

“There is a concern that smaller scale stories don’t sell”

It’s not that smaller scale stories don’t sell it’s that bigger scale stories are more easily marketable in solicits and present ‘sexier’ ideas to the average reader and thus sell MORE!

Also Whilst Spider-Geddon was a huge sprawling plot that’s at odds with Spider-Man’s down to Earth nature, Peter Parker himself was barely involved in it. He battled Morlun in a zoo and that was basically it.

9: Silly villains

...oh dear...

Yes. It sure is a problem that across 55+ years there have been a lot of silly/bad villains like Clock King, Kiteman, Calandar Man and...oh I’m sorry those are all Batman villains!

It’s almost like EVERY superhero has loads of shitty villains if they last long enough or something.

More importantly...as if people friggin count EVERY villain.

You count the NOTABLE ones, the ones that are recurring or a major feature of major stories. And it’s of those guys that you judge a hero’s rogue’s gallery. So on balance Spider-Man has a GREAT rogue’s gallery and a better one than every other Marvel hero.

I mean Jesus Christ once you get passed Moonstone, Dracula and Madam Masque how many honestly good villains are there in Carol Danvers’, Blade’s or Iron Man’s rogues galleries? Two or three, four at a push?

Spidey has like 10 decent to great recurring villains. The Hell does it matter that he also punched Hypno Hustler once in the 1970s? THAT drags down the whole thing?

At least Spider-Man’s dumb or bad villains are memorable.

8: His place with the Avengers

This...is actually a very good point.

Well done WatchMojo...Too bad shittons of Spider-Man fans absolutely DO acknowledge this as a problem.

I don’t see anyone currently complaining that he isn’t a regular Avenger.

7: Immortal Aunt May

Okay for starters Aunt May already died and Peter wasn’t ‘devastated’. Sad, grieving sure but he handled it.

Second of all what is this ‘necessity to keep her around’?

There is no necessity. She serves no purpose if she’s alive and doesn’t know who he is.

As for us knowing May will never be allowed to die? We don’t know that because Marvel did kill her off and committed to that for a while.

But the biggest BS with this argument is that...what Spider-Man fans DON’T know this and WON’T admit this besides John Byne and his cronies?

6: His Way with women

“He’s just an all round terrible boyfriend”

Get fucked no he isn’t.

99% of the problems that stem from Peter as a romantic prospect for a woman are directly connected with his work as Spider-Man. Which is frankly not a million miles away from being a police officer, soldier and doctor combined. Notice how all of them tend to have romantic partners and indeed Peter HAS had successful romantic relationships. As have other superheroes.

You can’t just throw out ‘he’s just all round terrible’ and leave it at that.

“This everyman only dates women who look like supermodels”

Wow...that’s some grade A sexism right there and stupidity there.

Let’s ignore the fact that you could argue that some of the women Peter dates only look like supermodels due to artistic licence and that in universe they aren’t regarded as looking like that.

Let’s ignore the fact that Peter’s dated women who DON’T look like that.

Let’s even ignore the fact 99% of ALL women in comic books if taken at face value look traditionally glamorous and beautiful. Fuck in recent years even Aunt May has been drawn resembling Meryl Streep or Helen Mirren, women who look decidedly more glamorous and attractive for their age than most women in their demographic. She literally looks younger NOW than she did in the 1960s or even the 1990s!

Let’s ignore all that shit and dive a little deeper.

FIRST of all beauty is mostly in the eye of the beholder so ‘supermodel sexy’ is fairly arbitrary here.

Second of all, there is no life algorithm determining people of X level of attraction are unlikely to hook up with people of Y level of attraction and more likely to hook up with people of Z level of attraction.

Third of all by traditional standards of attraction Peter WOULD be appealing to a lot of women. He is himself fairly handsome in his facial features, his physique is obviously in great shape, he’s incredibly intelligent (in the 2010s in particular scientific acumen has been promoted as sexy) and he’s got a responsible and dependable personality, his problem is being too responsible if anything. He’s also fairly open minded, he got over his wife making more money than him fairly quickly, he was aokay with his wife going off to night clubs to party and dance with strangers and be the object of countless people’s sexual fantasies which a lot of men, even today wouldn’t feel totally comfortable with. If a woman knows he’s a superhero too my goodness that could be yet another major source of attraction. Not only could a woman find it very glamorous and find the secrecy and potential danger a turn on but like...friggin doctors and firefighters are routinely framed as the subjects of romantic or sexual fantasies for a lot of people. If you are a bona fide superhero that could easily dial up that kind of attraction to 11. This is to say nothing of the fact that some people find power a turn on and Peter unlike most people has very real physical power. In fact even if a woman doesn’t know he’s a superhero it’s entirely possible that they could pick up on the fact that he is powerful in some way and that could be a potential turn on.

I’m not saying any or all of those apply to every potential partner but it can for a lot of people.

Finally...are we really going to judge these characters on the basis of their looks as opposed to their personalities. Like it’d be more fair if Peter had dated an A-list actress, a high up in the Pentagon and a secret agent but not if he dated like 5 NYC dwelling working women who happened to be traditionally very attractive.

What makes this all worse is that the video is doubly wrong because not only is it not a real problem in the first place but it’s also something that an obnoxiously HUGE chunk of Spider-Man DO refer to (incorrectly) as a problem.

5: The constant attempts to make him the public enemy

This is another thing most fans DO agree is a problem...sort of. Because when the Hell was the last time Spider-Man was regarded as a wanted fugitive anyway? Zdarsky’s run in like 2017 maybe?

More poignantly the notion that the general public wouldn’t view Spider-Man as a vigilante because he’s not grim and gritty is asinine for several reasons.

To begin with he isn’t just a lunatic with guns or a a guy dressed as a bat he’s a bona fide super human entity and one who USED to be an entertainer of all things. That alone provides grounds for people to want to bring him in for taking the law into his own hands.

More importantly this video utterly omits ( in spite of SHOWING the panels proving it) that a huge reason people buy into the idea that Spider-Man should be brought in is because of Jameson’s slander campaign and propaganda against him.

The video isn’t even arguing that the fact that Spider-Man’s been proven innocent multiple times makes repeating him being wanted unbelievable, it’s literally saying any time that ever happened it was BS.

The Avengers comparison is a false equivalency too. Not only was Spidey NOT affiliated with the Avengers for most of his career thus the solidified public opinion of him wasn’t going to be as charitable as the Avengers’ was but more poignantly it ignores WHY the Avengers were more beloved.

Throughout their history the Avengers have either had highly respected members in their line up (like Captain goddam America living legend of WWII!) or had government ties which legitimized them and held them accountable to some degree. For a lot of their history they absolutely weren’t just a big gang of vigilante’s. And a lot of the Avengers didn’t even have secret identities unlike Spider-Man.

Also Jameson slandered them too when Spidey initially joined them so you know...affiliation don’t mean shit.

Finally the video claims that Jameson printing propaganda doesn’t make the public turning on him believable.

Wow...just...wow...

Okay so does Watchmojo know what propaganda is? Shaping the public opinion is literally the whole point of it! So Jameson making a lot of it, although it isn’t just Jameson MOST newspapers in NYC print Anti-Spider-Man stories, is very much making the public’s hatred of Spidey believable because it is shaping their views.

More importantly...has Watchmojo looked at the world right now?

I don’t want to turn this into a big ‘Trump is bad’ post but like...this is a guy who’s got a ridiculous laundry list of immoral, unethical, illegal and just shady shit to his name. And we all know about it. It’s practically shoved in our faces daily unless we actively avoid it.

And a HUGE chunk of America still supports the guy. A HUGE chunk of America swallows his lies and the lies of the people who support him and are on his side. And even if they don’t just swallow everything they contort it in their heads to be right or support him in spite of that stuff for whatever reason.

And he’s not the lone example of this in modern culture or in fact in the history of mankind. A LOT of people are sheep and A LOT of people in the masses will not look at things logically or make sound judgments based on facts but rather follow in lockstep with what most people feel led by a loud voice or at least believe what they want to believe.

And believing that mysterious entertainer who had amazing but creepy powers was in fact a creepy criminal and so says this rich successful man who’s not hiding behind a mask, with the guy he’s accusing never stepping forward to publicly defend himself or deny the accusations?

The masses AREN’T going to just buy that narrative?

Of course they are.

To quote Spider-Man 2002:

“The one thing they love more than a hero, is to see a hero fail, fall. Die trying. In spite of everything you’ve done for them eventually they will hate you.”

4: The refusal to let him age

Again 99% of ALL Spider-Man fans acknowledge this is a problem!

Not that the video gets it’s fact correct.

It seems to have used the Slott run as the foundation of the entire video which as anyone reading my blog for awhile should know, is a big mistake.

In SLOTT’s run Peter was a manchild for sure.

But he absolutely wasn’t in JMS’ run where his age wasn’t exactly pinned down but he acted like a late 20s/early 30s guy. Indeed  he was clearly aging and maturing up until like John Byrne showed up in the late 1990s and even then it wasn’t like he was consistently written to be 22.

More importantly if you were to hypothetically argue Peter was 22-25 forevermore then why is him always acting that way tantamount to making him a manchild? If he acted that way at age 35 sure, but if the idea is he’s 22 and acts 22 then there is no problem.

Not that that is what happened in BND and Slott’s run, I’m just saying.

3: The irreparable damage of One More Day

There are 2 ways to interpret this point.

a)      That OMD caused huge damage at which point what kind of crack is Watchmojo smoking if they think the people who DON’T admit this are anything but a tiny minority and even then they are the newbies who probably don’t know about OMD yet

b)      That everyone admits OMD was bad and damaging but that all/most fans won’t admit that the damage is beyond repair. At which point that’s bullshit because whilst most fans won’t admit that OMD’s damage is irreparable the reason most fans do not admit that is because it’s not true. OMD is 100% fixable it’s just ALLOWING it to be fixed thats the problem.

2: His finances

The only reason Doc Ock managed to be a hero and get a doctorate and found Parker Industries was a combination of bad writing and immorality.

Doc Ock went from not having a Master’s degree to earning a doctorate in under a year which is physically impossible!

He also founded and built up a whole company in that time too which is also physically impossible, there doesn’t exist enough time for this stuff to HAPPEN!

More importantly Doc Ock only managed to do all this through embezzling illegally acquired funds, neglecting his hero responsibilities (hence Norman Osborn was able to gain power!) and basically reusing work he’d already done when he earned his own doctorate.

Oh and let’s not forget Slott turned on the cheat codes for his pet character.

So Watchmojo are making a false equivalency in comparing Peter and Otto.

Peter hasn’t been able to get his finances in order because he never STOLE shittons of money and goods from people or engaged in criminal enterprises to build finances for himself.

He’s stuck trying his best to strike an impossible balance between a job that can allow him to afford the highly expensive life of an inner Manhattan resident, maintain his superhero equipment like expensive web-fluid, look after a family member (in a day and age long before a proper welfare system for healthcare) and have some semblance of a normal life to keep him sane and be a superhero at the same time.

He could NEVER maintain a 9-5 ever without major suspension of disbelief! Hence Slott had to give him a shitty fanfiction job with ‘choose your own hours’.

More importantly in Slott’s run pre-Superior Peter’s finances WERE in a very healthy state. He had to cheat to make it happen but he did it! But back then his Spidey expenses and all his other ones were totally covered.

As for whether Spider-Man fans admit this or not again, it’s not a case of the majority saying this because the discourse is way more all over the place on this topic. What is more poignant though is that MOST fans do make shitty Superior comparisons like the above.

1: His repeated failure to live by that one important rule

First of all Watchmojo misquotes the rule so not off to a great start here.

“Supposedly central to the character”????????? Did Tom Brevoort fund this video or something?

“Why doesn’t he apply this to all aspects of his life” He does. That’s the point. The responsibilities of normal life vs. superhero responsibilities. Hence the struggle in the early days was being a hero AND looking after his Aunt May.

And oh boy....pulling out the most infamous moment from the Clone Saga.

Real classy Watchmojo.

For real I’m honestly sick and disgusted of people pulling this scene out of context.

Now I wrote a long ass article dissecting that story/scene years ago so feel free to read that.

tl:dr version: Peter and Ben Reilly were stated to be out of control and not in their right minds. Peter had recently lost Aunt May, his parents and endured numerous immense stresses upon his psyche which had resulted in him having a mental breakdown.

He got better but very quickly thereafter endured more, perhaps even more severe mental stresses and traumas. People who endure breakdowns are unfortunately more vulnerable to further breakdowns so when someone who’s had a breakdown recently, then very recently recovered has inadequate time to heal and is hit in quick succession with traumatic experiences another breakdown is all but inevitable.

In this case Peter broke down when his entire sense of identity was shattered upon learning he was a clone and that this fact might have serious health risks for his pregnant wife and their unborn child, MJ herself even exclaimed ‘my baby’ upon learning Peter was a clone.

BTW when Ben Reilly initially learned he was a clone he wanted to die and contemplated suicide, and he hadn’t built as much of a life for himself as Peter had, he wasn’t an expenctant father or husband for instance.

Anyway this news broke an already severely vulnerable Peter and he attacked Ben Reilly.

In his blind rage Peter without realizing she was there lashed out at Mary Jane when she tried to stop him.

In other words Peter did not consciously, deliberately, in his right mind attack Mary Jane. He didn’t even properly register her presence

And NO, it’s a million miles from someone getting drunk and hitting their wife or getting angry or having long standing anger issues. Those are all things they have a degree of control over, they have the potential to recognize they have a problem and work on it or else not engage in substances or activities that would accentuate a problem or create a potentially toxic scenario.

In this specific case entirely external circumstances Peter had no say in occurred to shatter him  and THEN an accident occurred wherein MJ was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And then nothing like that ever happened again ever!

It was wrong, he should beg her forgivness on his knees and all that entails, but it was 100% NOT what Watchmojo paints it as. It’s irresponsible of them to have presented the scene out of context in fact.

Moving on...Peter is irresponsible because he’s allowed his loved ones to come to harm.

Er, Watchmojo sweetie that’s either because of

a)      Bad writing. Which we do not count in regards to our analysis of who the characters are, hence we don’t count OMD because it’s OUT of character or

b)      He’s human. Peter lives by great power and great responsibility but that isn’t the same thing as him being perfect. He can’t AVOID his loved ones coming to harm 100% of the time because he’s human.

To argue he could by not having them in his life is asinine because he NEEDS human companionship as we all do and the people who know his identity typically maintain a relationship with him nevertheless.

“He’s failed to learn from his past mistakes”

Remember all those criminals Spider-Man deliberately allowed to walk free out of pure selfish disinterest after that one time he did that in 1962?

How about all those times he used a singular webline to save falling people from bridges after that worked out well for him in 1972?

“Where was his great responsibility when he rewrote all of reality in OMD”

It wasn’t present because that was against his character...as mentioned earlier IN THIS VERY VIDEO!

“We aren’t asking for perfection”

And yet a 100% success rate of protecting his loved ones is demanded for him to have lived by Ben’s words even though in real life people can’t protect their loved ones from all forms of harm. I have relatives and family friends who lost their son in a tragic car accident when he was abroad. Are we sitting here saying they were ‘irresponsible’? If so fuck you.

Also...the root of this video is that these are things all/most fans won’t admit to.

As if 99.9% of fans don’t point out how hardcore out of character or irresponsible hitting MJ or making a Mephisto deal was FFS!

[socialismformilfs]

Mutual appreciation post

So a lot of people did one so here I am hoes

@jungkooksbuttons Hafsa there is no word to describe how much you mean to me, for real I could write a novel about how I feel about you but I’m sure you already know that with all the paragraphs I sent you mon cœur lol: did you know you’re the only person in my life that I wrote paragraphs for? That’s how much you mean to me. I don’t know you’re just amazing and you inspire me to try harder because I know that even if times get harder for both of us we got each back’s and i don’t plan on giving up now that i found you my other half: you’re so damn amazing like I can’t put it into words but you’re funny, pretty, thoughtful and I feel so comfortable with you?? It’s like we can do and say everything to each other without judgment and that’s something I never done before with anyone else but you, i also love how we’re both crackheads and we can talk for hours about nothing but still have fun somehow. Seriously you became such an important part of my life, I actually didn’t expect that when I first joined the gc but now I realized that was the best decision I made this year because I got to meet you. I have so much to say but I’m going to stop now because it’s not a Hafsa appreciation post djjdj seriously babe I love everything about you: your qualities and your flaws and nothing will ever change that

@bloomingjiminie I have so much to say about you didi oml i don’t even know where to start, you were the first person that talked to me in the gc and we got along so well?? I was chocked because I usually get hated easily lol but no with you, it was so easy it’s like you have a power to make people feel comfortable talking to you and that’s amazing, you’re amazing. Honestly I was a bit sad when we stopped talking for a while but then we did our gc and BAAM you became one of my closest friends and soulmate. I’m so glad I honestly made this gc because it brought me closer to you and the others. You’re an incredible writer and I have the best ideas with you and joking around with you is so easy because you have a great sense of humor so I’m not scared to say the dumbest things to you because I know you’ll end up saying dumb stuff too. You also know when to stop joking around and being caring to me when I feel upset and that means a lot. I love you chicken to my frog legs even if you clown me but it’s fair because I clown you too lmaoo

@chen-stans-are-the-best KERI you living legend and my partner in crimes, you’re so damn cool like everything about you is wow, you’re so sweet and loving but at the same time we know we can count on you if we’re in trouble to defend us. You laugh and put up with my dumbass like no one else and that means a whole lot because I know that it doesn’t make everyone laugh like it does with you and I tend to be annoying. I know we tease you a lot about you driving for example but you never get mad and that’s nice to know I can joke around without making you upset. Also you’re a genius, the ideas you create and the evil plan we did once was hilarious and wonderful to do with you. You’re a cutie (even if you say you’re not) and I love talking to you my soul sister because I know you’re here to listen if necessary. Even if I’m bad at expressing how I feel, I want you to know that I won’t leave this gc even if I get banned somehow because you guys became my family and you’re dear to me Keri, I love you (I wanted to make it dark purple cause it’s your favorite color but I don’t know if it’s dark enough lol)

@little-bunny-jungkookie Rae the queen of moodboards and my close friend, honestly you’re so friendly and creative and kind to me, I’m honored?? You’re an angel and I’m not joking even if you may disagree and I’m so happy you consider me as your friend. I know I can talk to you about serious situations without hesitation and go to you anytime to ask you for some advices and I’m forever grateful for that. You might have joined recently but it’s like we’ve been friends for a long time and I can talk to you in vc or send you random pics without thinking about it twice because you have such a comforting and peaceful presence for me, I know I can trust you. You may have flaws but know that it doesn’t make you less of a good person because your qualities have more impact on others than your flaws and your feelings are valid no matter what anyone say. You’re a great person and friend to me and I love you very much Rae and sorry I pronounced your name wrong at first djdj

@seokjinownsmyass My bro Mina, you’re so talented with what you write and we have so many moments together like the time we were teasing Simon and Dee about their “platonic” relationship was iconic or the whole thread we did with the « 🌚🌝 ». I love listening to you rant because that’s so cute (Raena is thriving) and it makes me feel closer to you, I’m happy you’re my bro and I know I joke around a lot and tease you but you’re really an important friend to me and I miss you a lot when we don’t talk. I care about you Mina and I’ll fight you if you doubt yourself because I love you so does Rae and others and you and your memes are the best so don’t ever think for a second that we’ll stop loving you bro because that won’t happen, I’m stubborn af after all. I hope you’ll join the vc soon tho I want to hear you voice Mina jkjk you don’t have to if you don’t want to

@killcomet Starlight, you’re so precious I literally can’t, you always tag me in cute things and I just melt because that’s how adorable you are and I appreciate it because it feels like you’re thinking about me even if we’re not talking that much lately so it makes me feel better and your voice is beautiful, I could listen to it for hours. You may say you’re annoying but that’s not the case hon: your flaws, your insecurities, your doubts, everything about you matters to me and don’t ever hesitate to text me because you might believe you’re annoying, personally it makes me happy to know I can be here for you and I’m always here if you want to talk Drew. I may not be physically present but I still will do my best to help you in any way. I love you and talking to you until 5 am was goal (Simon was here but he kept leaving so technically it was just the two of us dhdh)

@lofisapphic Bee omg you’re so fun to talk to you because we do so many icon things together first it started with the Simon protection club then the crush squad and finally the pickup lines war, I can’t I’m actually screaming everytime you send a pickup line to me jdjdjd im still surprised honestly we haven’t been banned but I’m not complaining. Also you’re so pretty like stop sis that’s not fair and you’re great because even if we have different opinions sometimes, we still respect each other and you’re very mature and respectful on a lot of subjects and that’s impressive, i stan. Anyway I love you and your gay panicking ass

@puppieseokie fay sis you’re iconic seriously, l miss you ranting about your girlfriend on the gc and I was kind of sad when you and bee left but it’s understandable. Your mind is a gift from the god seriously: you love hoseok and bts, you ship shrek and Yoongi and you’re a gay legend. I respect you ma’am and if you have cute moments with your gf, don’t hesitate to talk to me about it~

@simonbunnyjunior SIMON my French talking little bro, you’re the kinkiest person I met in a while but that’s goal honestly. You’re kind af and you do your best to help and make everyone feel better. You’re shameless but at the same time you’re still respectful so i live for that. ALSO the nickname you gave me is so fucking cute, I’m screaming. I admire you for not giving up even tho things are hard for you sometimes and I hope you know you can talk to me anytime if you feel like things are getting too difficult for you to handle. Love you

@bangtansoftboys Robin it’s been a while since the last time you were in the gc, I hope you’re okay and I hope you know that we’re joking when we’re teasing you because we’re crackheads anyway love you cute king~

@sundaetae Dee I own you a lot honestly because without you I wouldn’t have joined this gc so thank you so much and you were the first person I directly ever talked to so I think it’s cause of you I was able to not be shy anymore and I’m grateful for that Dee love u sis

@diamondjoonie Andrea hello~ i know we interacted like once but you sound like a great person to hang out with because the only time we talked we did memes and I wasn’t feeling awkward talking to you so if you ever feel like chatting again, don’t hesitate to message me

@busted-aesthetic MEL you’re so cool seriously, I know we just started talking recently but you’re so funny and you have like an aura that says don’t fuck with me cause I’ll hunt you down djjd talking to you until 6 am with mon cœur was hilarious especially when you guys started teaching me how to pronounce things correctly, iconic. Anyway I hope things get better and love you queen

@kingdomzeldaquest LOTTe my murderer and non-existent friend, I love our inside jokes that we had because now we can confuse others for no reason and that’s goal. You’re funny af and talking to you is nice because you’re an intellectual and your taste in music is great. Love you and don’t get arrested lmaoo

@spraklecrackle Thomas heyyyy i remember talking to you once? When we created the « Simon protection club » and you were super nice and you join the club so you’re a legend. We should talk sometimes and I saw you’re French too so hell yes French squad

@alien-the-magician Yasemin you’re so djdjjd literally you join the gc once in a year but everytime you’re here it’s hilarious for example the Dracula is your ancestor thing and when you were drunk lmaooo I love you and your drunk ass

@justramblingaboutthings HEYYY Raquel how are you? It’s been a while since I saw you, I miss screaming about Dia’s talent with you. Take care of yourself and hope you’re okay

[sunnidaydreamer]

Bringing this over from my old account

Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition.

THESE ARE MY OPINIONS. I just felt the need to get ‘em out. And, yes, I know some of them probably fall under ‘We know already!’.

Combat

The combat gets repetitive after a while. But it’s a hack-and-slash so what can you do?

The Ganon bosses though…oh my god I hate fighting them.

The Imprisoned sucks, that red lightning or whatever it uses after it’s health hits a certain point. There’s an Adventure Mode battle where using Fi is mandatory, and because of that red lightning I can’t get the best rank. There’s also the mission to unlock one of Volga’s weapons where you face it, and it took me like ten times to unlock his weapon.

Phantom Ganon is just awful. I almost always miss the prompt to start the deadman’s volley so it takes forever to start damaging him. Then he does the thing where he splits into four(I think) and is just aggravating.

Ganon has so much health, but he’s also the Final Boss so, yeah. But the prompts to use certain items, I always miss the one for when he charges across the field then glows. I can never remember what to use. What boss did he rip that move from anyway?

Manhandla is just all around annoying. That stupid bullet seed move always gets me even if I think I’m out of range. And the poison field too.

Zelda as Sheik

I really don’t get why Zelda became Sheik. There’s no ‘gotcha!’ moment EVERYONE knows that Zelda is Sheik already. And in the story it only serves to hurt the Hyrulean army. They all look up to Zelda and Impa and there’s no way Zelda didn’t know that. Having Zelda disappear, implying to her army that she’d been possibly abducted, would only hurt their morale.

She would have to have known that!

And it makes no difference in the end, as she goes back to being Zelda with no issue. She says she feared for her safety, but she’s perfectly fine being Zelda from there on so what was the point? If you wanted Sheik in the roster just add Sheik to the roster! Toon Link, Toon Zelda, Medli, Young Link, they all added nothing to the story but they were added as fighters.

Lana

As someone else put it, Lana feels too anime for the game. Her design looks more in place in a magical girl anime. And her summon gate is awful to use!

Linkle

Her design is meh, but her crossbows are very fun to use. But the whole ditsy, ‘I’m super bad with directions lol’ thing puts me off her. Same with her thing about cuccos. Like cuccos have a bad enough mechanic as it is, since it’s way too easy to piss them off if neutral and they have SO much health when silver or gold. And the escort missions are easy to fail too.

I think she was either originally a female Link or Link’s sister? Either idea would have been cool, in my opinion. The only Link I can think of that has an actual family is Windwaker Link with his sister and Grandma. Breath of the Wild had a concept art of Link’s dad and sister, but all we get in game is a line about how he was a knight.

Also, Linkle? That’s the best you could do?

Character Development

A handful of characters were added for the game and nothing is done with them!

Lana stays firmly in the ‘nice girl’ category. It’s a nice balance to Cia’s borderline yandere attitude toward Link that Lana can accept that Link doesn’t HAVE to return her feelings, but she never shows other traits. She’s just nice. Supportive. Well, she kinda shows more personality, but it’s always clearly in the context of third wheel. Whenever Zelda expresses her support and she and Link are having a moment expect Lana to pop in and voice that SHE also supports Link. Or the one scene where Zelda and Link are looking at each other and she’s framed in the middle looking between them.

Third wheel Lana, everybody!

Wizzro is just an asshole. Even brainwashed he’s a traitor! And I think he wanted to rule the humans? Something along those line was mentioned in The Dragon of the Caves, which is why he betrayed Cia the first time.

Also what happened to him? He gets put back in the ring and then what? They just leave him where the ring fell? Did someone pick him up?

Volga we also know little about. Before the brainwashing he wanted to be left alone, and his people are very loyal so we can assume he was a good leader and treated them well. But that’s it. After Cia brainwashes him he’s a berserker with a battle-boner, who goes out of his way to find the strongest fighter(as that’s what Cia programmed him to do), he’s arrogant, and has a huge ego.

Are we to believe that he was always like that and Cia made it worse? In Adventure Mode he’s not that bad, though, to his allies at least. And he has a few comments that point toward respecting his challengers.

So which is it? Is he an arrogant ass? Or respectful?

(I will also die on the hill that he lived and went home after the final battle with Cia. You will never convince me otherwise.)

Cia

I want to like Cia, I really do. She’s gorgeous, and her play style is fun.

But really?

I’m not well versed in ALL Zelda Big Bads, but from what I can tell there are few female ones. And, yeah, we KNOW that the story is going to get Hijacked by Ganon as many Zelda stories do. So I know she doesn’t count as the MAIN Big Bad. But still. You couldn’t have her motivation be ANYTHING else?

It had to be that she wanted Link?

I know she wants the Triforce pieces, but that came later. The thing that got her possessed by Ganondorf was that she wanted Link.

The first notable female Big Bad and her motivation is Lust?

Not only that but after being corrupted she got sexed up too. Her shirt is cut to show a lot of skin, and she has exactly one pant leg.

If she had dressed like that before that’d be one thing, but it only started after she got corrupted. Does being evil mean a mandatory sexing up? A female villain within a certain range of attractiveness HAS to show skin?

Then there’s her boss intro; ass shot, tit shot, good look at her legs.

No one else gets this treatment.

Also, her hat is dumb looking. The mask is kinda cool. But her hat looks dumb. Yes, even as Guardian of Time. Yes, even on Lana. It looks like Gary Oldman’s hair in the first half of Dracula.

And her skin tone change! Why is she darker as a villain? She’s rather pale when ‘good’. Did Ganon make her get a tan to fit his evil checklist?

Wasn’t there backlash about Tetra being made pale as Princess Zelda in Windwaker? Did they learn nothing?

Something else that bothers me is the fact that some people(I’ve seen only a handful but still) try to use a throw away line to say that in canon Volga was getting feelings for Cia.

In context: their base is being attacked by Ganondorf, and Cia has linked her magic to her life-force for a power boost. Volga, who is implied to be getting free of the brainwashing but is still brainwashed, comments that she should take it easy.

That’s it. A comment that she should be careful because she’s using a lot of magic and it’s linked to her life-force. (I’d have to replay the level to get the exact comment).

And I’ve seen people use it to say that he was falling for her. He was BRAINWASHED up until recently! He wanted nothing to do with her, which is why she brainwashed him! If he had any romantic feelings for her, it stands to reason that SHE put them there!

Why would he suddenly be in love with her if he wanted nothing to do with her?

I’m not saying you can’t ship it, but saying it’s a canon thing bugs me.

[luci-is-a-devil-]

Vampire!Vernon

Notes: Thanks for the request!! Hope this is what you wanted, I'm not to into vampires but I hope this was okay,,, requests are open~~ •vampires are a normal part of socitey •humans will donate their blood, and vampires help with what they need •since vampires can turn into bats, most pure blooded vampires can just sprout wings in their human form •if a vampire attacks a human, it is counted as a hate crime, if a human attacks a vampire it's also a hate crime •of course there's people in both species who dislike each other, but they couldn't do much, as they profited off each other •so nothing to be done there! • •you were a vampire, a royal vampire actually •the middle child of Dracula, who was the king •but here's the kicker, you aren't biologically his •you were his second wife's remarriage, so even though you've spent all the years you remember with him, you're not technically his •so according to vampire laws, you could not take the throne •If your older brother could not take the throne for some reason, you're little sister would have to •you weren't outraged over this though, you didn't want to be the ruler of the vampires! •you got to see how tired your father came home, how many cases he'd seen of vampires being murdered •people he knew for centuries, just gone •yeah no thanks •but even if you couldn't take the throne, you were still to be respected •your parents made very sure that everyone treated you just like your siblings •so mornings were the three of you waking up, fighting over the bathroom, yelling over the table to pass the syrup •after the hectic morning, you were shipped to school, not literally, you guys flew there •your little sister, rose had just become able to grow her wings while still human •you on the other hand was special, you had your wings since the day you were born •so you aren't like most vampires, as your wings can't retract your wings •your eyes were also not the same, most vampires had brown, green or red eyes •you had a light purple eye color, you were a sight to be seen, for humans and vampires •at first you were called a monster by your own kind, for your father to laugh and say that you were all monsters •that if they treated their own kind like this what would they treat humans like? •people got over your eye color as you aged, as you would hold your own •spitting your own poison back at them, because papa didn't raise no quitter •your brother was an overachiever, with red eyes, which was the rarest color until you came along •he was named thorn, because his father had proposed to his mother with roses only to get pricked by thorns •you would laugh at your sibling, saying that they had couple name •"if he named me, my name would've been stem or root." •they weren't very amused to say the least •humans were allowed to go to your school, as long as they followed the rules •your school was known for having good grade and students go to anywhere they want for college •ages for humans was simpler when it came to school •vampires were allowed into school at six thousand years old, and then followed the humans curriculum, then would part time vampire school for hundreds of years until they aced the final test •since vampires lived to be over a hundred centuries old, whilst humans usually lived to be in their nineties •it wasn't often that humans made friends with vampires, wanting to make friends with people who went through the same problems as them •once again, you weren't an average vampire •landing on the ground by the school gates, you waved goodbye to rose and Thorne •waiting for seungkwan, your best friend •he was often late as he got distracted, whether on someone's outfit or helping old people •"y/n! Guess what?" •looks like you didn't have to wait to long today •"wow only two minutes, new record Kwan." •you said, smugly smiling as you walked between the gates •"that wasn't a guess but I'll accept it anyway. Vernon is transferring here!!!" •seungkwan practically screamed, hitting you on the shoulder in excitement •"Vernon as in the human you had a crush on for two years before you moved on?" •you asked, rubbing your shoulder where he had hit you •"that's the one!" •apparently this Vernon was something since he had seungkwan so happy •"he's in your class, I'm so excited to introduce you!" •the brunette haired boy dragged you inside the school, getting looks from other teens as he dragged you by the hand •after all, a human was dragging a child of Dracula •flashing a fanged smile at them, they looked away, causing you to laugh •they all thought you were viscous and if the did something wrong you'd tell on them •which was wrong, you weren't a snitch •but that's exactly what Thorne was so you could guess why they might assume that •"Vernon!" •seungkwan's high pitches equal knocked you out of your mind •in the office was a boy with light brown colored hair, with caramel colored eyes •he was wearing jeans and a button down, instead of the human uniforms •watching as seungkwan dragged him out of the office, you waited for the awkward small talk that was sure to come •"Vernon this is y/n, y/n this is vernon!" •seungkwan introduced the two of you, before either of you could attempt to to continue the conversation, the bell rang •"you two are in the same class, y/n show him around!" •seungkwan yelled, running before all of the vampires turned into bats and flew to class •before you could even wave he was gone •sighing and shaking your head the boy, you looked at Vernon who standing in front of you cracking his fingers •"I'm y/n, I met seungkwan when I was eleven, you?" •you asked, sticking your hand out •"Vernon, I was thirteen." •taking your hand in his, the two of you shook hands •"class will be starting soon, so unless you want a bunch of bats and humans hitting you, we should hurry." •smiling at the caramel eyed human, the two of you began to walk to class •there was very little small talk, both of you very aware of the eyes on you •since it was a human and you, you knew you guys would be the talk of the school •vampires and humans had one thing in common •they were both nosey little shits •"why are they watching us?" •Vernon asked, his eyes drawn his sneakers •"because I'm the daughter of Dracula, hanging with a human, but they won't mess with you." •your strides were long, making him walk quickly to keep up •"why would they mess with me?" •Vernon questioned, face morphing into confusion •"humans don't get the most welcoming committee, but you're friends with seungkwan who's friends with me, so you're safe." •you explained, making a quick left, you walked through a doorway and sat in a chair near the back of the room •Vernon sat next to you, dropping his backpack between the metal that held up the wood •the actual bell rang, and within seconds twenty bats were inside of the classroom •four humans came inside the class, holding their head of some part where the mob of bats had hit them •one by one the bats turned back in their human form, their wings retracting back into their body •"hey kid, you're at my desk. Scram!" •a vampire with green eyes glared at Vernon, making the human freeze •"your name ain't on the desk minhyuk." •when he realized you were speaking to him, he smirked •"looks like little vamp got their tongue back." •you rolled your eyes at him, not bothering to say anything else at the fail of a comeback •"Mr. Minhyuk, do we have a problem?" •the teacher asked, her voice making the vampire freeze up and shake his head •sending a glare at you before he sat down, you looked at Vernon who was staring at you with wide eyes •"is it always like this?" •he mouthed when the teacher had turned around •"Welcome to Bloodville Academy" •you mouthed back, turning towards the teacher • •weeks had passed and Vernon was more or less used to vampires now •he got to class early to avoid the students who would turn into bats, he got asked by the nurse if he was willing to donate blood •otherwise it was like any other school he had been to •or so he would say at lunch while he and seungkwan spoke •you on the other hand was mostly silent while lunch happened, since you didn't need to eat •and just because you cared, you didn't drink blood around them •even though seungkwan had insisted it was alright and Vernon had shrugged that it was fine with him •it felt strange drinking in front of them so you didn't •instead choosing to listen to their conversations and add your two cents •like today's conversation was about what an asshole the math teacher was •"he assigns homework every night!" •seungkwan complained in between bites of his pudding •"he's not as bad as our gym teacher." •you said, grabbing a napkin and wiping some of the pudding that hadn't made it into his mouth •"gym teacher?" •Vernon asked after he had fished chewing his sandwich •"yeah, gym is the only class where humans and vampires are separated. And our gym teacher could be Satan himself •you told the caramel eyed boy, after cleaning the rest of seungkwans face •the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch •both boys shoved their garbage inside the trash bin that was near the edge of the table •before you could say goodbye to seungkwan who was trying to get to the library, you saw him bump into minhyuk and his goonies •"little vampire and prince not here to protect you today?" •he questioned seungkwan, his face morphed into a cruel look •storming over to where they were, you stood in front of seungkwan. •"if you're as smart as your daddy wants you to be, you'd better back the fuck up minhyuk." •you warned, because you were not going down without a fight •"be careful little vampie, big brother isn't here to protect you." •minhyuk said, his green eyes darkening with every word •"Thorne doesn't need to be here to watch me kick your ass." •they weren't empty words and he knew that, after all this wasn't the first time he's tried to come after seungkwan •his hand swung at your head, trying to knock you unconscious •catching his wrist with your hand, you squeezed it tightly warning him •when minhyuk decided to rip his wrist out of your hold, and tried to kick you in the stomach •you decided that this could now count as self defense •blocking his kick with your knee, you punched him in the nose, then kicked him in the shin •effectively knocking him down on the floor, when the goonies came at you •you turned to seungkwan who was now standing near to Vernon, both of them looking at you wide eyed •"can one of you go to get a teacher or something?" •you asked while dodging his goonies punching •seungkwan nodded and ran, while Vernon stayed in his spot •one of the three goonies saw him and went to go punch him •getting in the way, you felt his fist make contact with your face, making him stop •he just punched you, the child of Dracula, and he knew he was in deep shit •turning to Vernon, you began to ask him if he was okay •ignoring the pain from your throbbing jaw, you looked him deep in the eyes, wanting to make sure he was okay •"I'm… okay, are you?" •he asked making you giggle, making his cheeks and ears turn a pink that made him look absolutely adorable •"yeah, scum like them can't do shit." •you said turning around to where you heard seungkwan and someone coming close •"y/n! Minhyuk! What the hell is this?" •it was a rhetorical question, but you gave her an answer anyway •"minhyuk cornered seungkwan, I defended him, and then minhyuk decided that he wanted to see if I could kick his ass. Spoiler, I could and did." •you said smirking at the home room teacher, who only sighed and took the seven of you to the office to call your parents •"a fight? Y/n really? Please say you didn't kill them." •your dad was the first on in the room, because of course they couldn't call your mom or anything •"nah, I could've though. I was just protecting those two." •you told your dad, standing up from your uncomfortable chair, you walked over to where your dad was •he nodded, and went to go woo the principal •to lessen the punishment, of course just not to flirt •"hey vern, Kwan, wanna come to my house?" •they had been able to get in contact with their parents but both of them were working and not able to pick up their sons •"sure!" •seungkwan had been to your house before, he had been friends with you for five years •"yeah, why not?" •this was Vernon's first time to your house, and seungkwan was telling him about your house •"dad! Vernon and seungkwan are coming with us!" •you told your dad who just came from the principals office •giving you a thumbs up, he told you that he was waiting for your siblings •doing finger guns at him, you watched as seungkwan used his hands to explain the fountain in front of your house •"it shoots black water! You can drink it too!" •"no you can't, seungkwan just decided he wanted to taste it. That's how you got sick." •"dorks." • •when you got to your house, you were told that you'd get a stern talking too •(honestly it was just going to be your dad telling you that you should have kicked them where it hurt) •taking the two of them to your room, only to then have to drop Vernon off at the bathroom •"hey kwannie?" •you asked him once the two of you were sitting on the bed •"yeah kitten?" •he asked, putting his head in your lap so you could play with his hair •"I think I like Vernon." •you spoke quickly, not looking him in the eyes as you tangled your fingers in his hair •"no duh, have you seen the way you look at each other?" •he said, laughing at your embarrassed expression •"is it okay? You liked him too." •you were defiantly avoiding his eyes now, since you were looking at the ceiling •sitting up he grabbed your hands, looking at you in the eyes, he spoke slowly •"y/n , you like him. I used to like him, he's not an object, he doesn't belong to me. If you ask him, I'm sure he'd say he likes you too." •hugging seungkwan, made you feel warm inside •"looks like it's your chance too!" •stopping the hug from between the two of you, he hopped off your bed and pulled the blushing Vernon inside of your room •winking at the two of you; he escaped, slamming the door behind him •"how much did you hear?" •you spoke softly, not wanting to scare him •"the whole thing?" •he spoke back in the same soft voice •he was standing up, while you were sitting on the bed •"it's okay if you don't like me, like I promise I won't cry, well I mean I might after you leave, but like I won't guilt trip you or any-" •your rambling was cut off by him pressing his lips to yours •once they were separated once again, his forehead rested against yours •"I like you." •pressing your lips together for the second time, you got lost in it •you could feel the heat from his cheeks •pulling away, you looked into his caramel colored eyes, to see that they held little flecks of gold in them •"I HOPE YOUR CLOTHES ARE ON!" •hearing the door slam open, you felt seungkwan jump on the bed •"am I Cupid yet or what?" •laughing at the dark haired brunette boy, you laid next to your best friend and you boyfriend • •"…we could have a threesome right now." •"I love you seungkwan but choke." •"you tell him Vernon, I got your back."