#anyway sorry 2 b sentimental and stuff but it’s how i’m feeling atm and i figured i should update the mutuals
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i am, regrettably, feeling hopeful
#so! i came out to my mom#it. it went okay! it wasn’t confrontational like i thought it would be; she didn’t try to talk me out of being trans or transitioning#she seemed. willing to listen and try to understand#i’m telling my dad tomorrow; hopefully it’ll go about as well#what. i guess surprised me? is that she still wanted me in her life. which shouldn’t have been surprising! but man#i was asking a friend for advice; and they said to remember; ultimately; that she loves me. which is funny; because i didn’t consider that?#i didn’t think of love as a force at play; i thought that coming out would be the end of it and i would lose it#i was prepared to! i thought that was how it was going to be#but my friend was right#not 2 b like love and light and hope but. she said that her future had to have me in it; and having thought for so long#that my future wasn’t compatible with my family; that i had to pick one or the other? i think it’s a good sign#i don’t know what the future holds; but i was to the point where i couldn’t believe in a future anymore#there was only the past-forced-present; dragged on past its half-life; crumbling even as i held onto it#as everything ground to a halt around me. i may still be there; in the dry-rot space between; but the door is cracked open now#there’s a way out; and even bound as i am to here and now and what that means; i can feel the fresh air of a life beyond this one.#i don’t know what that future holds; but the present-past is barren and lifeless and all-consuming; and even now the veil is lifting#anyway sorry 2 b sentimental and stuff but it’s how i’m feeling atm and i figured i should update the mutuals#i don’t get my hormones until monday but i’ve made it this far without them i can wait another ~48 hours#thanks to everyone who’s offered support; it’s nice to know i have people rooting for me even if we’ve never met#lucky to have y’all as my mutuals <3 <3
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