#anyway sorry for this post if you read it and it bummed you out or anything. Please don't feel obligated to interact with it or with me

[endlessthxxghts]

Dr. Miller - Pt 2

Orthopedic!Joel Miller x afab!Reader | W/C: 4.8k

Summary: It’s time for your second appointment with Dr. Miller.

Warnings: canon-divergent - no outbreak, medical professional au. Reader (she/her) has female anatomy and is able-bodied. No physical description of race. Reference to reader’s clothing, but no sizes mentioned (everything is neutral). Pet names (darlin’, angel, girl, etc). Most definitely doctor malpractice LMFAO. 18+ MDNI. Inherent power imbalance (doctor-patient relations). Dirty talk. Hickeys/biting/marking. Fingering. Slight begging. Praise kink. Multiple orgasms. Spit kink. P in V unprotected (wrap it before you tap it, guys). Cum play/cum swallowing…snowball kisses🥴. Daddy kink… and last but not least, the ending.. I’m not gonna say what, you’ll just have to read, but I’m sorry😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 although I’m foregoing a warning or two for plot purposes, please let me know if they should be up here! I’ll fix it accordingly!🫶

A/N: Here goes round 2! As far as the series goes and as far as posting it goes LMAO!! This hellsite deleted my first attempt in posting, so hopefully it stays up this time around. And I’m giving a big thank you to @honeyedmiller for proofreading and catching my horrendous grammar mistakes lololol I love you🩶 Anywho, I hope you guys enjoy!!! I’d love to hear what you think :) luv u guys xx

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<- PREVIOUS

Friday. 4pm. Your next appointment with Dr. Miller was tomorrow. 

This was the first ever doctor appointment you’ve ever been excited for. The automated text their system sends out didn’t tell you to arrive early, and you’ll admit, you were bummed. 

You’ll show up early regardless. Maybe he’d be able to see you sooner if his schedule allows. At least, you can hope, anyway. 

After your appointment with him last week, you were left hurt and wanting. You knew the hurt was a natural reaction to the sudden dopamine drop, and something tells you Dr. Miller is a guy who’s adamant on aftercare. So, you swept those emotions under the rug easily. 

Not so easily, however, was your needy cunt and the way it drooled and throbbed for nearly an entire week straight, craving the one thing she almost had. She barely had a taste, but she was already hooked, addicted even. 

Your fingers, your vibrator, your purple dildo that’s helped you come plenty of times – nothing could get you off. Not anymore. 

Unbeknownst to you, Dr. Miller had the exact same problem. Well, okay – he could ejaculate just fine, but the want never seemed to leave his system. Ever since he’s had his taste of you, he could never reach the feeling of satisfaction. And it has taken an absolute toll on him. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Dee snarked. Only she could ever talk to him like that. She keeps him on his toes. 

“The hell is wrong with me?” he huffed. 

“You’re being a grump, doc,” she replies. 

He rolls his eyes. “Ain’t I always?” 

“Yeah,” she says thoughtfully. “But you seem more… miserable.”

“Gee, Dee, well thank you for that,” he replies monotonously. 

“You’re welcome,” she snickers. She comes closer, voice hushed. “Seriously, though. Do you need to get laid or something?”

He chokes on the coffee he now regrets bringing up to his lips. “Jesus,” he coughs. “Time and place, Dee,” he says, trying to collect himself. 

She raises her hands up defensively. “I’m just lookin’ out for ya, doc,” she smirks, howling out a laugh as she puts Dr. Miller out of his misery by returning to her desk. 

He just shakes his head in response, fighting the blush on his cheeks at the thought of you taking care of the needs Dee so outwardly pointed out he had. 

Dr. Miller wouldn’t have to wait much longer, though. Your appointment was so soon, only one more work day before he’s able to be blessed by your presence again. That is, until Dee finds another opportunity to shit on Dr. Miller’s mood. 

“What do you mean we’re supposed to close early tomorrow?” Dr. Miller gruffs. 

“Exactly that, Miller,” Dee treads lightly. “It was in the calendar. Too many people have off in the afternoon tomorrow. It’s Easter weekend. You’ll be sorely understaffed.”

“Then who booked the patients after 2 if us closing early was in the calendar?” Dr. Miller is never one to be an asshole, dictating boss, but his irritation is very much getting the best of him right now. 

Dee whispers her next response. “…The new hire. But don’t blame them. I should’ve caught it sooner,” she reasons. 

Dr. Miller takes a steadying breath. “So how many people do we gotta disappoint right now?”

Dee pulls up the calendar on her phone. Dr. Miller watches her shoulders physically relax. “Oh! Actually, you’ve only got one person. At 4. I’ll call right now to reschedule,” Dee says with a finality. 

“Wait- who?” Dr. Miller asks. He knows who it is. 

Dee looks confused for a moment, but she indulges and reads off your name to her boss. 

“Y’know what, Dee,” Dr. Miller waves her off. “I’ll take care of that appointment, it’s fine.”

“Dr. Miller, are you sure-”

“‘Course,” he cuts her off. “I’m the only one in this damn office without Easter plans, anyway,” he huffs. “Empty nest or however that sayin’ goes.”

Dee nods in understanding. “How’s she doing?” 

“Fuckin’ amazin’,” Dr. Miller marvels. “She just surprises me more ‘n more everyday.”

Dee smiles before she returns to their situation at hand. “Are you sure you don’t want me to reschedule?”

“I’m sure,” Dr. Miller states. “Listen, I know this practice wouldn’t be able to run without any of y’all, and without you especially-” Dr. Miller explains. 

“You flatter me,” Dee butts in with a straight face. 

He smirks before continuing. “But have some faith in this old man, why don’t ya? I think I’m more than capable of doin’ the whole check in, check out thing.”

Dee takes in a sharp breath. “It’s much more than that, Miller, but nonetheless,” she holds her hands up in surrender. “I’ll put some faith in ya, old man.”

“Thank ya,” he drawls. “Now please go talk to the new hire about their mistake, I think they’re still afraid of me a lil bit.”

She laughs in the affirmative, shutting Dr. Miller’s office door on her way out. 

Holy shit. 

His plan to get you alone just worked itself out. Thank you, newbie, he thinks to himself.

Dr. Miller’s office is less than ten minutes away from you, yet somehow you decide that if you left any later than 3, you’d keep Dr. Miller waiting, and you certainly didn’t want that happening.  

The parking lot is completely empty, a lone vehicle – a hefty truck – sits only two spaces away from your own. Your tummy swirls, knowing exactly whose car that might be. However, another swirl of nerves swarms through you. Why are there no other vehicles? 

Swallowing the anxious lump in your throat, you step out of your car and make your way inside the office. Inside is even further void of life than the parking lot. 

You make a beeline for the check-in window, picking up the pen from the cup to begin filling out your information when a deep drawl of your name startles you.

“Dr. Miller,” you jump, your eyebrows flying to your forehead. 

“Shit,” Dr. Miller chuckles. “Sorry, darlin’,” his voice was much softer, careful. “I do that a lot to my staff- sneak up on ‘em, they call it. Say I need a bell or somethin’ ‘round my neck.” 

You laugh with him at the little anecdote. He motions for you to come on back already, dismissing the check-in process since it’s only you, he explains. 

“Why is it only me?” You ask. Well, okay – you know why it’s only you, but how is it only you is the question. He did not just send everyone else home since you’d be here. That would raise too much suspicion. 

Walking you to the patient room furthest from the potential public eye, he retells the new hire’s mistake. You find yourself in the same mindset as Dr. Miller as you silently thank them for not being more careful. 

“You could’ve rescheduled me, you know,” you tell him, eyebrow raised. 

“Yeah, I know,” he quips as he opens the door for you. 

You step inside, turning around to face him. “So why didn’t you?”

The door clicks shut, and Dr. Miller’s now face-to-face with you, head tilted down to meet your challenging gaze. The air in the room becomes dangerously charged. 

“I think you know why, angel,” he says, scarily smooth. 

You don’t back down. “Enlighten me.”

He takes a step closer to you, forcing you to step back. “Why should I? When that very reason is right between those legs already crying for me, huh? I bet she’s a fuckin’ mess already, ain’t she?” 

You gulp as your ass hits the exam table, not realizing that Dr. Miller has been slowly cornering you. 

Without giving you a moment to respond, his lips are crashing into yours, his large hands grabbing onto either side of your face to keep you against him as your body melts into his hold. His tongue licks across your bottom lip, and your mouth opens, letting him in. You mewl into his mouth, each of your tongues lapping one another’s flavors, your senses immediately being consumed. 

The kiss breaks, and you both are frantic. Your hands grab onto the exam table behind you and you hoist yourself up, your fingers already finding the hem of your shirt as you rip it off, letting it fall to the ground. Dr. Miller practically growls at the sight, his chocolate brown eyes blackened with pure need. 

He shucks off his white coat, letting it join your top as he pounces on you again. He nips at your bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth and letting it go with a pop as he drags his scruffy face across your jaw and down your neck, biting pretty little bruises everywhere his mouth touches. 

Your hands find the bottom of his shirt, taking the liberty of pulling it off and whining when it gets caught over his broad form. “Patience, angel, I’m not goin’ anywhere this time,” he coos, his eyes genuine. 

You huff out in mock annoyance, your eyes silently thanking him for the reassurance. You pull back to let Dr. Miller take off the upper portion of his scrubs. Your irritated façade is quick to fade as your eyes coast his body: his broad shoulders and tanned chest, the product of laborious activity throughout one’s life; your eyes drag down to his softer middle, the product of a happy, indulgent life. Your spit is suddenly thick. 

Dr. Miller’s thumb comes up to rub across your bottom lip. “Ya alright? Got a lil bit of drool right there,” he taunts. 

You tilt your head and take his thumb in your mouth, letting your spit coat his digit generously as your hands pull him in by his waist, your fingers scratching the expanse of his sides and his belly. “So fucking sexy,” you murmur, eyes alight with hunger. 

Unable to verbally deal with the compliment, Dr. Miller pulls his thumb from your mouth, settling his hand on your jaw as he pulls you in to kiss your lips again. It’s much softer this time, more savory. He takes his time with it, and it has both your resolves breaking as Dr. Miller’s free hand finds the clasp of your bra and undoes it with ease, the article joining the haphazard pile on the floor. 

Dr. Miller kisses down your neck once again, your body leaning back to give him more access. His mouth goes straight for your hardened nipple, his tongue circling the entire area before putting as much as he can in his mouth and sucks.His hand fondles your other breast while he works the one in his mouth. You’re moaning and writhing at the stimulation, your pussy utterly leaking past the barrier of your pants and onto the exam table. 

“Dr. Miller, please,” you gasp. “Please- need more,” you moan, eyes rolling back at a particular nip to your bud. You can feel him smile against you, his mouth relenting only to move to your other breast. Dr. Miller is all about detail, of course he needs to make sure every part of you receives ample attention. 

He releases you with a pop, a devilish grin on his face as he stands back to his full height. His hand snakes to your front, the pads of his fingers rubbing softly at your clothed center, your slick completely soaked through. “Ya need more?” He drawls. “Tell me what you need, baby,” he says sickeningly sweet, his entire hand moving to cup your sex, the squelch of your arousal making his cock twitch. 

“Fuck-” you squeak, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling. “T-touch me, p-please,” you stammer. 

To outsiders looking in – hell, to even you – it’d seem as though Dr. Miller is entirely calm and collected, at ease in the way he’s been teasing you. Yet, with the way his cock is straining the material of his scrubs and the way his chest heaves, he is anything but. He is so far gone, he nearly wanted to rip your clothes off in the waiting room and take you over the fucking counter. But he didn’t, much to his displeasure, but he tells himself the buildup is worth the wait. And, fuck- with you? It’s so fucking worth it.

“I am touchin’ you, darlin’. Touch how? Use those words, sweet girl, I know you can,” he tells you, squeezing your cunt in a way that has your belly doing flips.

“Oh, God-” your head rolls back, body on fire. “F-fuck me, Dr. Miller, n-need your- fuck- need your cock, need it so bad,” you plead, eyes tearing up the more you speak. The man finally broke you. 

Dr. Miller smiles wildly. “Atta girl,” he rewards you, “I’ll give it to ya,” he breathes. “Lord knows you’re all I been thinkin’ ‘bout,” he admits as his fingers begin nudging your pants down. 

“Yeah?” you breathe softly as you lift your hips for him. Even in your aroused craze, you can’t help but soften at the admission. “Haven’t been able to stop thinking about you either,” you tell him. 

This is so much more than a fucking hookup, you both think. But you ignore that fact for later. 

Shaking off the emotion, as soon as your pants join your clothes, you lean back, settling your elbows behind you to keep you up. Letting your legs fall open, you quirk your brow. “Well, cowboy?”

That brings his attention back. His eyes are fixed on your shiny cunt, his tongue twitches to drink you up. But, no, this is about you this time. And what you want is to be full. He’ll give it to you. But, first-

“I was too big for you last time,” he states matter-of-factly. 

“I-” your eyebrows furrow. “What?”

“I hurt you last time.”

“No you didn’t-”

“I could tell it did,” he rebuttals. 

Without another word, he steps out of the exam room. A beat passes and he’s back – with a fluffy pillow. 

“Um-”

“Lift,” he states. 

You lift your hips up, and Dr. Miller places the pillow underneath your lower back. “This should help open your pelvic floor more,” he says. “And ease the tightness of the position,” he adds.

And it does. 

“Oh,” you whisper. “Thanks,” you say, your cheeks heating up at the action. 

He leans over you to kiss your tummy before his hands settle on the insides of your thighs. “You okay?” He asks. His thumbs rub up and down, dangerously close to where you’re leaking for him.

“Mhm,” you hum, not trusting your voice anymore. 

“I’m gonna fuck you,” he says. 

“Oh, God, please-” you whine impatiently. 

“But I needa touch you first, angel, I don’t wanna hurt you. Please?”

How can you say no to that? To his thick fingers and the way you know he can use them so expertly? How can you say no to the hands that have built his career or to the hands that’ll easily make you fall apart just as much as you know his cock would? You’d be an absolute dumbass to say no to that.

“Okay, Dr. Miller,” you say, voice shaky in anticipation. 

“Joel,” he offers.

Your heart skips a beat. “Joel?” you question. 

“Mhm,” he hums. “My name- well, first name, I guess,” he pauses. His fingers move closer to your core, the softest of touches ghost through your seam. You take a sharp breath in. “Just tellin’ you cuz I wanna hear you moan it when I make a mess a’ you. I bet it’ll sound real pretty, baby.”

His thumb finds your clit, then, and you do exactly what Dr. Miller – Joel – wanted. You moan out his name deliciously, sending him groaning at the pang of desire shooting up his spine, his cock weeping for attention. 

“Fuck yeah, angel, that’s it. Knew you’d sound so fuckin’ gorgeous, fuck-”

His thumb continues its assault on your throbbing bud while the middle finger on his other hand rubs through your wet folds, collecting up the arousal before he pushes into your entrance. 

It’s an easy push, his fingers are thick, so there’s still a slight stretch amongst the pleasure. The work he puts in with both hands has your hips bucking in his touch, and it eases your body enough for him to slip his ring finger along his other. 

His two fingers fuck into you at a sweet pace, the length of him reaching places your own fingers have never felt before. It’s pure ecstacy. “Oh, Joel, yes- shitshitshit, that feels so fucking good,” you cry, your head lolling around like a bobblehead, your body falling weaker and weaker the more he plays with you. 

“Yeah, baby? Like that? That feel good?” He grunts, his heart beating a mile a minute at how fucking pretty and wild you look and sound from his fingers alone. “So fuckin’ wet, baby,” he snarls. “You know what, pretty girl?”

“What?” you whine, trying your best to keep your eyes open and on him as your head begins to tingle from how hard you’re panting. 

“I think you’re ready to take me, baby, I think she’s so fuckin’ ready,” he grins, his fingers adopting a come-here motion, your sobs reverberating throughout the tiny exam room. 

“Come for me first, pretty girl, make a mess on my fuckin’ fingers, and I’ll give what you’ve been crying for,” he all but demands as he looks down and lets a big glob of his spit fall directly onto your clit, his fingers gliding over you even quicker in the mixture. 

“Fuck- Joel!” you scream, the spit being the action that completely throws you over the edge. 

“Jesus, angel, fuck-” he stills his fingers, letting himself feel the flutter of your warmth as you cream all around him.“So fuckin’ perfect comin’ all over my fingers, goddamn, messy fuckin’ girl,” he rambles, his eyes roaming every inch of your body, taking in every twitch, shake, and mewl your body is giving him. 

Your breathing starts to slow, muscles relaxing but not quite over its shaking. He pulls his fingers out of you and brings it directly to his mouth, his cock nearly bursting at the taste of you on his tongue. Another time, he thinks to himself as he bends down to pull the rest of his scrubs off, using the moment to place a chaste kiss to your puffy clit. You yelp at the sensation, a lazy, blissed out smile blesses him, and he can hear his heartbeat thrum in his ears at the sight. 

Joel crowds himself between your thighs again, pumping his cock a few times, his thumb reaching for the precum leaking at his slit and spreading it all over his length. 

“How you feelin’?” Joel checks in. 

“So fucking good, Joel,” you respond, doe-eyed but entirely honest. 

He wants to kiss you so fucking bad.

So he does. 

He leans over you as best as he can in this angle, his length rubbing against your folds as he leans in, his hand wraps at the base of your neck, pulling you in for an open-mouthed kiss – wet, hot, and slow. He pulls away with a blush across his cheeks, and your face is entirely engulfed by flames, too. Did that kiss make him nervous? Did it make you nervous?

Unable to look away from each other, you utter the first thing that comes to mind. “Please,” you whisper, though you don’t really know what you’re pleading for. 

“I got ya,” Joel whispers, pulling himself back to line up his erection with your entrance. 

Even though Joel’s fingers were a stretch all on their own and your body was quick to adjust, you genuinely don’t think anything could truly prepare you for the length and girth of Dr. Joel Miller.

Last week, it was damn near impossible. Thinking back to it, honestly, you think you might want to even thank the nurse that interrupted you two. Still, if Joel hadn’t prepared you today with his fingers, you definitely wouldn’t have been able to take him as fast as you are now.

He pushes in just the tip, and you both gasp at the initial pleasure. Your mewls are more pleasurable than painful this time around, and Joel takes that as the go-ahead to keep going.

“You tell me if I needa stop, darlin’, I’ll stop immediately,” Joel grunts, trying his best to keep slow. 

“God, fuck- Joel, I swear to God, you better not stop- need you so bad,” you lament. He finally pushes himself to the hilt, your rambling continuing as he does so. “Please fuck me, baby, fuck me hard, da-” you gasp and slap your hand over your mouth, catching yourself before you let yourself finish that word. 

Joel pauses all movement, his hands tightly on your hips as his purely black eyes stare down at you. “What’d ya say, angel?”

“J-Joel, I-I’m sorry, I don’t know what-”

“Not my question, babygirl,” he warns softly. “What’d you call me?”

You gulp, opting to just stare at him, silently begging him to spare you of the embarrassment. 

He withdraws from you, all the way out to the tip, then, oh so slowly he pushes back in. He pauses halfway, eyebrow raised. Words.

“Please, Jo-” you start. His hand squeezes your hip in warning. “Please… Daddy, please,” you whine, finally giving in. With that, he pushes in roughly to the hilt, knocking all the wind from your lungs as pure pleasure flows through every nerve in your body. “Oh, fuck!”

“That’s it, angel, such a good fuckin’ girl,” he moans, his thrusts slow but calculated. “Makin’ daddy feel so good, baby, shit-” he tells you, his own eyes finally fluttering shut as he revels in the feeling of the warmth of your walls, tight and fucking perfect.

“How’s daddy’s girl feelin’, baby? Feelin’ good? Hm?” he grunts with a particular thrust forward. 

“So- fuck-” you try to get out, your sweet cries of euphoria cutting you off and forcing you into incoherency. But you’ve experienced enough in this short time with Dr. Miller – with Joel – to know he needs this communication. He thrives on it. So you try your damn hardest. And fuck, it nearly sends him to his end. 

“F-feels so good, so so good- mmm, shit- love your cock s’much, daddy,” you slur, eyes nearly going cross-eyed as Joel’s hips start to move faster, his fingers gripping tight enough to leave little bruises on your waist, a matching set to the marks across your neck and chest. 

The wanton moans spilling from your mouth spurs Joel on, his brain short-circuiting at the feel of your velvety core consuming him. You feel him twitch before he feels you flutter. The sensation wakes you up a little, a wave of confidence overtaking you despite the fervent drive of his hips. 

“You’re close, daddy,” you whine, a mischievous grin across your face. “Can feel you,” you tell him, thrusting your hips softly, attempting to meet his every push and pull with the help of the pillow gliding underneath you. 

“Fuck-” he chokes, his hips only faltering in pace for barely a moment. One hand lets go of your waist and falls where you two are connected. “Need you- shit-” he pants. “Need you to come ‘round daddy’s cock first, pretty girl.” His thumb finds your nerves, slick and sensitive, and wastes no time in forcing you to the brink of another orgasm. 

His fingers circle you, matching the rhythm of his hips, and instantly, your eyes clamp shut, back arching deliciously as you let your legs open impossibly further. “Oh, daddy- oh God, oh fuck- I’m gonna come, I’m gonna-” you yell as your throat becomes hoarse, your chest sinking and rising as you let your body relish in the fire that Joel is throwing you into. 

“Give it t’me, lemme feel you, angel,” Joel urges, his lower tummy flexing as he feels your inner walls spasm and soak his pulsing length.  

“Oh, yes- yeah, fuck- please,” you babble mindlessly. Pulling yourself to sit up, your hand planted behind you, you pull Joel in, lips ghosting each other as his quick breaths fan against your lips. “You gonna come? My pussy that good, daddy?”

Your random spurts of teasing has Joel in all sorts of panic. Usually, he’s one to call the shots, and all his past partners never wanted or requested anything different, but it seems as though he has finally met his match. “Fuckin- Christ, doll- pussy’s so fuckin’ good, baby, daddy’s gonna fuckin- oh fuck-” he keens, pulling out just in time for his cock to spill his entire worth across your mound and your lower belly. 

“Oh my god,” you moan to yourself, your pussy clenching around nothing at the sight of him all over you. 

Joel takes a minute to catch his breath, his eyes scanning every inch of you like he didn’t just violate every Doctor oath he’s ever taken. 

“I think I need to be the one to check in this time,” you let out in a breathy laugh. “You okay?”

He still isn’t looking in your eye, and it makes you nervous. Is he regretting everything now? “Joel?” you call, barely audible. 

His eyes snap to yours before they fall back to where he was looking before. “Yeah, yeah, I’m alright, baby, I just, uh-”

Cutting himself off, he bends down slowly. You watch him, confused but intrigued. He sticks his tongue out, flat, and licks. From your mound to the lower part of your belly, he collects up the salty, milky liquid on his tongue. 

He brings his mouth up to you, his hand finding purchase at the back of your neck. He pulls you into his mouth, his tongue invites itself into your space along with the heady musk of his come, and you welcome it greedily, swallowing every little bit of his arousal that you can.

You break away just before his watch beeps: 5:45pm, fifteen minutes until closing. “That was-”

“I’m sorry, that was disgustin’ I don’t know why I jus’ did that-”

You lean in to nip at him, pulling away with a suck to his pouty bottom lip. “That was hot, Dr. Miller,” you smirk. 

Dr. Miller’s exam rooms, although not often, can see a lot of bodily fluids. Obviously not the kinds that you two have exchanged together, but with the notion of removing casts and such, sweat is bound to get everywhere. So every room holds baby and/or sanitizing wipes just in case. 

He grabs a pack of baby wipes underneath the cabinet and takes out a few. He wipes your entire lower half down, and grabs some more from the pack to wipe himself off. It’s a dance of wobbly limbs as both of you help each other dress back up, you being particularly whiny at how stiff the scrub material is when you try and blame it on his big size. 

“I thought you liked how big I am?” He quips, your eyebrows shooting up in response as you slap his chest. 

All dressed up, you two walk out of the exam room, both you and Dr. Miller on cloud nine as you make your way back to the front office.

Before reaching the door, he grabs on your waist, pulling you against the wall, towering over you. That beautiful Southern gentleman smile bright on display, the kind of smile that has your knees wanting to buckle. 

“I- I had a great time with you,” he says, a little bashful. Sure, the things you did together were otherworldly, but the things that came after? How he was able to help clean you, dress you, and simply just be with you afterwards? He really can’t remember a time he’s felt so right. 

“I did, too,” you tell him. “But, I think…” you trail off. 

His stomach sinks. Here it comes. We shouldn’t be doing this anymore, he knows you’ll say. 

“I think I can’t be your patient anymore,” you whisper with a giggle, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

“Dear God, you just about gave me a damn heart attack,” he huffs, burying his head into the crook of your neck, littering playful nips anywhere he can reach as payback for scaring him. 

You two break out in laughter, it slowly turning into an impromptu makeout session as his lips find yours again, both of you insatiable for one another’s taste. 

You’re so caught up in each other that neither of you realize the front door of the office unlocks, nor do you realize someone is entering the hallway you two are currently in. 

You also don’t hear the gasp coming from the person either, not until-

“Dr. Miller?!”

Shit. 

NEXT (coming soon) ->

Please let me know what you guys think!!! Your feedback keeps me going, and interacting with everyone literally brings the brightest smile on my face. All my love xoxo

I cannot get myself to write for Joel or for TLOU without mentioning the horrors occurring in Palestine. Please check out the links in my navigation + bio to learn about the situation in Palestine and also learn about some ways in which you can help🇵🇸. Reading and interacting with those links takes 5 minutes of your time at the bare minimum.

Divider by @saradika-graphics 🩶

[hyperfizationss]

Hi there! So first of all, I love your content, especially for mutant mayhem! I just read through your wills and wonts and it gave me a request idea. Could you please do the mm turtles reacting to their girlfriend dying their hair to match them? Thank you sm<3

Request by @maybedontdothat

𝗠𝗺 𝘁𝘂𝗿𝘁𝗹𝗲𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝘀/𝗼 𝗱𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗵𝗮𝗶𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆'𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗿𝘀

𝙻𝚎𝚘💙

-Leo already thought you were his soulmate, but this is made him like head over heels in love

-when you say down in first period with blue hair he literally had no clue what was going on. He actually pinched himself because he thought he was in a dream.

-Bum bum bum bum bum bum and she cried over nothing so there was nothing I could do to stop her from cutting her beautiful blue hair off bum bum bum bum bum bum 

-you didn’t say anything to him first period. He didn’t even know you were planning on dying your hair.

-It was a complete surprise to him, and he freaking loved it.

-Kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss, kiss kiss

-Need I say more

-“is that for me” he asked nervously “ no totally not” she said sarcastically

-He’s not a big fan of change by any means but he’s freaking loved your hair. It’s the one time he thought change was good that and when they were kinda excepted into the human world.

𝗥𝗮𝗽𝗵❤️

-bro got so rizzed.he knew it was for him he Almost fainted to,his little Brain just went:🫣

-he resulted back to caveturtle,no words out grunts of happiness

-bro,wouldn’t let go off you,the whole time he was just kinda on your side

“Babe,you don’t have the next class with me”

“I do now”

-he wouldn’t let go,he got his schedule changed too

-it’s like a constant reassurance to him that you like him and you don’t think he’s some kind of freak

ԃσηηวє 💜

-let me start off by saying like the other tow he was not stunned,he was legit so amazed.he thought you looked cool,and bold!

-he immediately gave you a list of anime characters you could display that had purple hair,he was so excited

-he literally couldn’t take his yes of you,it was just to cool 😎 he honestly thought you were like such a badass and that you looked so cool

-literally learned how to do hair because of this,he wanted to see every single hairstyle on you.

“Damn,wish I had hair,you look so kewl😢”

“Do you want a wig or smt?”

-and that’s how Donnie got a wig

ɱıƙɛყ🧡

-ha ginger

-anyways…..

-he actually made more ginger jokes than I did,but nonetheless he loved it.again like raph he saw you in the hallway and he immediately screamed in happiness and ran up to hug you.

-happy boy,happy boy

-but bro why would you wanna be a ginger?

-BY CHOICE TO!?

𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸𝘀 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴💗💗💗💗💗

I’ve been real tired due to school(8th grade is kicking my ass😣) and I’m sorry for not posting much

I’ve just been tired but except some new content anytime now

[j-u-u-z-o]

“Nature’s Calling.” (Atsumu Miya x F. Reader) NSFW‼️ 18+

An: Heyyy guyssss! It’s been a while! Sorry for making y’all wait so fucking long! 😭 A lot of things happened last month that hindered me from posting this. Anyway! This is just another clingy fox boyfriend scenario and I love the sound of rain. So why not mix the two together. 😩💕 He makes me go crazy. Also, this is my first fic of the year so…yaaay!

Synopsis: Atsumu is spending his time at the local gym with you while the rain is pouring hard outside. So what happens next?

WARNING: NSFW‼️, Atsumu being a dumbass, making out, oral, sex, tight space (you’ll know why lol), GRAMMAR/barely proofread

Take your time reading and dive into the story ✨☺️

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The rain looked like it was getting heavier every minute. You watched it fall in the gym’s parking lot as you stood in front of the front door.

It looked like light snowfall from streetlights in the large space. Contrary to the rain pummeling hard on the surface.

“Babe? Whatcha ya’ doing?” Atsumu asked, lifting 40 pound dumbbells up and down, while he stared at your back and down to your plump ass under your black fitted shorts. You turned to his direction, seeing his glistening body flex while he lifted. Even his deep V peeking a bit. You jogged towards him. “It’s getting worse outside, we should call it a night before —“

“Excuse me. We’re about to close in 15 minutes . Please wrap up what you’re doing and get home safely. The gym staff said, preparing for store closing. “Ho…” he slowly dropped his dumbbell to either side of his body, looking bummed from the sudden announcement. “Yeah, babe.” You said softly,looking up at him. He looked at the front door and saw the heavy rainfall and said, “Yo! Can we wait till the rain stops? It’s crazy out there.” He turned to the man who was cleaning up the equipment. “I’m sorry but we need time to get this done so that we can have a smooth closing process.” Plus you are the only two customers in here — for almost three hours. Just go home already. The staff mentally noted while he wiped the weights.

“Tch. Damn it.” He sucked his teeth in annoyance. He really wanted to prepare for the next tournament in good shape than he already is. “Alright,” he sighed. “let’s get ready to go, baby.” Sadly putting the dumbbells down in its station and throwing his sweat towel over his shoulder.

“Thank you for coming!” The staff said sarcastically. “Please get home safely.” Another staff member said, quickly locking the door in front of you two and walking to the supply room in the back door to help his team. You and atsumu’s eyes followed the staff who was happily inside. Dry and warm. While you both stood outside in the rain like abandoned puppies. “That bastard. He can’t even be bothered to —“ the rain suddenly poured down harder. He quickly snapped his head around to see and pulled you closer to him. You face snuggled in his warm clothed chest — avoiding to look at the scene. “Let’s make a run for the car.” He mumbled, looking down at you with a small grin before kissing your forehead softly. You nodded and smiled softly at him.

He held your hand and shouted “Let’s go!” But before you could run, the world tilted on its axis as atsumu picked you up. “Tsumu!” You grabbed on the hem of his hoodie from behind while he carried you on his shoulder, running to his car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The rain dropped hard while you two sat in the car listening to it. Filling the thick silence between you two.

Well this is embarrassing. He mentally noted.

“We should’ve left early.” He gave a dry laugh, looking around the parking lot from inside the car. He shook his hand in his hair drenched hair . Some Splashing a bit on your face. “Tsumu! What the hell!” You pouted, wiping your cheeks. his grey sweats were a bit soaked too. He’s so stupid sometimes. You mentally noted. You told him to leave early but he was stubborn to leave — now look what happened. Kicked out and stuck inside the car. With a clingy fox-like boyfriend. You shook your head and rolled your eyes, looking out the window from your side, watching the rain drops falling down a puddle at the end of the parking lot. “Let’s go home, baby.” He pressed the start button and turned to look at you.

Atsumu watched you with a pout on his face. He knew he should’ve listened to you. “Babe, I’m -

Brmmmm!

Brmmmm!

Brmmmm!

Your phones vibrates simultaneously. “Hm?” He hummed, picking up yours instead. You turned and looked at the bright source in the car. “Weather alert: HEAVY RAINFALL UNTIL 9PM. POTENTIAL FLOODING. DO NOT DRIVE UNTIL RAIN CLEARS.”

you stared at the screen blankly — not saying anything. He looked at your blank face illuminated by the bright screen.

“I’m soowee baby.” He whined playfully, quickly nuzzling his face in your neck while he pulled you close. “. I didn’t mean ta’ be so stupid!” He continued, rubbing his face against your soft skin. “I love ya so much baby.” He kept Begging for your forgiveness, you closer your eyes in annoyance by his wet hair rubbing against your cheek. “Okay! Okay!” You said, finally giving in. He lifted his head — his dark brown eyes looking deep into yours. “Thank you ~.” He smiled widely before kissing your lips softly. “Just don’t do it again.” You said, your lips getting peppered with kisses playfully. “Mmm.” He hummed, smacking his lips against yours once more. “I promise.” He said lowly, chuckling softly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sounds of the heat circulating through the car felt so good. Especially the wet kisses he was leaving on your neck while you watched videos on TikTok. “Mmm.” He moaned softly, caressing your midsection under your shirt. You cheeks felt hot in the middle of his cuddles. “Mm.” You whimpered, he kissed your favorite spot that makes your pulse flutter, earning a soft chuckle from him. “Mmm..Tsumu.” You panted, distracted by his lingering kiss on your favorite spot and his warm palm brushing up and down your stomach, lovingly.

A loud funny voice from a TikTok video stopped him in his tracks and looked down at the screen. He gave a throaty groan as he watched the funny video while he rested his head on your shoulder for a moment before going back to his task. After a while, you put your phone down and looked out the window as he so. A comfortable silence was felt between you two while the rain fell on the roof and the windshield of the car.

You just want to go home. Hoping for the rain to calm down. As if he read your mind, he moved away from your neck and turned your head to face him. “Ya okay, baby. It’s gonna go away soon” he said. “Okay?” He asked again, making sure you’re not worried as he caressed your cheek. “Mm.” You nodded slowly. “Don’t worry, we’re gonna get home.” He mumbled, leaning closer before his lips met yours. Deep yet slow passionate kisses filled the air inside the car. His hand slid back down and underneath your shirt— brushing his fingers against your tummy. “Mm.” You moaned, loving the way his lips never left yours, dancing with it slowly, rhythmically.He knows how to clear your mind in so many ways. The slow lip smacking sounds mixed well with the pattering sound of the rain.

“Ah.” You panted softly, feeling his warm hand slide down and in between your inner thighs, gently stroking it. “Mmm.” He moaned in the passionate kisses, feeling how warm your skin was getting. His fingers crossed over to brush your clothed pussy. “Mm.” You whimpered, quivering from the brush-like strokes, making you break the kiss. “Tsumu.” You breathed out, looking down at the fingers brushing it in circles, rewarding him with another soft moan.

“Let me see them baby.” He whispered. You removed the straps from your shoulders and pulled your strapped tank top down, shyly. Revealing your plump breasts, your hard pebbled nipples always looking ready to be sucked on. “Wow.” He sighed, staring at them in awe when you gently tugged them with your fingers. looking even more erect than it naturally is already. you turned your body a bit in the cramp space of your seat to get more friction on his fingers and to feel his crafty appendage on your pebbled nipples. He rested his elbow on the mid console and leaned over. You rested your hands on his shoulders and your foot on the end of the seat as you watched his fingers brush your clothed clit and his mouth wrap around your erect nipple from in between.

The gratified moans left your throat and rang in his ears while he fiddled with your clothed clit and sucked your nipples. “Here?” He whispered knowingly, looking up at you while he slowly licked your nipple. You tilted your head to the side, nodding to his ministrations, exhaling while scratching his undercut, lovingly. He was still looking up at you while he flicked your erect nipple. You were squirming under his fingers that brushed your clothed pussy so well. His tongue has gotten even more watery from the sight that you started hearing the wet sounds coming from it. “M-mmm.” You moaned, your fingers trembling on his shoulders. “Ah-Unnh” you pushed your chest closer to his mouth, sighing from the feathery sensation from the way his warm and watery muscle licked your hard and sensitive nipple. It felt so good, licking it right in the center — just how you like it. And then, sucking it gently.

After a while, a wet pop rang in your ears and he moved up to leave kisses on your neck. “Unh.” Your head fell back, feeling his calloused fingers stroking your thighs in a feathery. His warm palms grazing your skin making you caress his the sides of his neck — needy for more. “Let’s take this off.” He whispered, sliding them up to the waistline of your fitted shorts while still lingering on your neck.

You looked around — worried. searching the parking lot for any person or thing, that might see you and your boyfriend. Since he parked under the light pole. How dumb. He leaned back and followed your eyes. “It’s just us, baby.” He assured, “the doors are locked too. Wanna check?” He chuckled, earning a light smack on his chest. “But babe —“ “I want to make it up to ya’.” His fingers brushed your sides, making you shiver as he waited for you to answer. You looked around the area again and from the back window. He waited patiently while admiring your flushed beauty. You sighed and looked at him. “Just this once.” You said lowly, as if somebody was watching you two. “Okay, baby.” He hummed and kiss your lips, gently.

Soon after, he helped you take off your shorts and panties. “Mmm.” He grinned, getting a glimpse of your pretty pussy, glistening thanks to the lights inside the car and the light pole outside, luckily. “Sit back baby.” He pulled back to adjust the seat — lowering it a bit. You stared up at the ceiling inside the car and breathed a bit deeply. He gently spread your legs open and lifted your right leg to rest on the armrest on your side. He bent over and started leaving slow kisses on chest and down to your tummy. “Just relax baby.” He mumbled, catching you looking out the window for anyone. His continuing left hand brushed your deep inner thighs. Making you look down at his tasks, distracting you.

The way his soft palm brushed your left inner thigh, you moved it to the side a bit to give him more room — to feel more of the gentle caress. “Mmm.” You moaned, his fingers slid down your thigh, brushing the tips on your outer folds, softly. Soon after, You gasped expertly started digging in between your inner folds. Brushing it side to side, slowly opening you up. “Ya so warm, baby.” He praised, leaning down to look at your puffy pussy lips. You panted while you watched him rub our folds. He bit his bottom lip as he so until he slid them down and up to your clit — making your buck your hips up from the sensation. He chuckled and looked at you. You blushed hard at his gaze while the rain drops fell down hard — adding to the pleasuring atmosphere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Huuungggh” you groaned heavily, turning your head to the side while he edged your clit so well. Slowly and steadily. His fingers brushing so… softly. tweaking it to get more out of you. “Mmmm.” You but your bottom lip, relishing your pussy getting massaged by his crafty fingers. He slid them down and up and flicked your clit. “So sexy, baby.” He said thickly, watching your hips roll up against his fingers, covering them with your warm slickness. You bucked your hips, your throbbing clit meeting his calloused fingertips every time. “Haaa…yeah. Like that.” Praising him breathlessly, circling your hips while he rubbed it slowly — almost like stroking a cat’s soft ear.

His strokes were sparking fires in your lower stomach. “Ugh.” Moaning as you rolled your hips up to meet his feather-light strokes on his slippery fingertips.

breathing heavily, you felt your release getting closer. So you grounded your hips and rolled your hips up — getting your clit stroked with his soft fingers. your pussy quickly started pulsating — making you pant quickly until you whined; grabbing onto the hem of your tank top for some kind of control. Short spurts of your fluids fell on his fingers while he continued stroking it, softly. you grunted heavily each time you released your fluids:

Rubs, “Ugh…” — squirt

Rubs, “Aghhh…” — squirt,

Rubs, ”U-unngh…” and squirt.

You quivered heavily from the last spurt. He hummed in satisfaction — he loves a squirter. He leaned over in between your legs. “M-mm!.” You whimpered, shivering when you felt his lips give a quick peck on your sore puffy clit, earning another quick short spurt afterwards. He chuckled. “Look how puffy your clit looks now.” Smiling at his work. However, he didn’t want to stop there. “Tsumu.” You whined, almost sounding like a cry, watching him lower his head between your legs in such a cramped space. You haven’t cooled down enough from the first orgasm. “Jus’ wanna taste you.” He mumbled, angling his head and sticking out his tongue.

“a-aunhh!.” You twitched, the sudden fluttering sensations prickled all over your body as his tongue started licking your puffy clit, side to side. “Oh god” you panted shallowly, watching the wet digit graze it so well. Feeling very hot, you to look out the window. Your chest heavily as the appendage swiped your slowly in circles. “Ahh..”then closing your eyes, you listened to the relaxing raindrops and the pure thrilling sensations on your clit. After a while, The quiet space mixed with your heavy exhales and rain drops were the only two things that filled thick the air. “Mmmmm.” You moaned, resting your hand on his head, gently scratching it as he left soft pecks right on your erect clit. The wet gentle pecks added tingles in your lower tummy. Rewarding him with a a few of your breaths hitching satisfyingly. “Yeah…don’t stop baby.” You whispered, caressing his hair messily and pushing it back to the side as you began slowly bucking your hips to his kissable mouth.

You lifted your left leg and hooked it over his shoulders to give him more room. And for you, a more better view of him sucking and kissing your puffy clit and the sheer friction that you’re receiving. “Ungh…y-yeah…suck it.” You groaned thickly, watching his puckered lips sucking it passionately. His soft and warm lips felt so good around your throbbing clit. You eventually started humping it as he so. the sounds from the car seat creaking — mixing with the sucking sounds from his lips, as you so. “Agh! Y-Yeah!” humming from the overtaking pleasure, your clit throbbing relentlessly. The rapid sounds of his sucking from your hips bucking feverishly echoed inside the car. “Fuck!” You whispered out, your release getting closer and closer. You lifted your right leg from that rested on the armrest and bucked quickly agaisnt his mouth — making your leg dangle in the air. “A-aungh!” You cried erotically, abruptly twitching in your seat, pushing his head deeper, sucking it harder as you relish the remaining sparks of your of your orgasm.

A wet pop from his lips, he pulled back and took off his black t-shirt. Licking his lips, he reached out for your hand. You eyes followed his direction as he puts it inside his sweat shorts. You gasped, feeling his sheath — hard and hot. “Do your thing, baby.” He mumbled, biting his lips, looking down with anticipation. erection.

You stroked his girth, gently. Feeling some of the veins against your fingers. He pulled his cock out with your hand, “Yeah…that’s nice.” He moaned lowly, Receiving a better view of your hand doing its task. His gratified moans was heard from this throat. You looked up at him — his head resting on the headrest with his eyes closed while he gave a few throaty moans. The only sound that rang in your ears despite the constant raindrops. You shyly looked back down at your slow strokes; eventually rubbing your fingers around the mushroom tip in circles. Earning an open mouth sigh from him. You quietly leaned over, resting your knees on the cushion, and kissed the pinkish tip. He twitched. “You’re a sneaky one, aren’t ya.” He chuckled, slowly opening his eyes. “Ooh.” He said lowly, feeling your warm lips wrapping aroind his cock and slowly bobbing down the length. “Yeah…slow baby. Just like that.” He bit his bottom lip, and stroked your back, gently.

After a few minutes, he began rolling his hips up to your mouth. Your tongue glided around the sheath, feeling your tongue swipe against the veins. Placed hand atop your head and Bucking into your roughly yet steadily. “Gak!” You gagged, the tip poking the back of your throat. He moaned as it did, listening to light wet sounds each time it entered your needy mouth. “Mmmmm.” He growled, brushing your back lovingly while you focused on sucking the tip.

Head fell back on the headrest— a Long breathless sigh left his lips while his dark brown eyes looked around the empty parking lot.

“Come’re” he lifted your head up and cupped your cheeks. Your soft lips looks sore that his lips met yours deeply. Tasting yourself and his own — mixing the two together. “Get on my lap.” He whispered, breaking the kiss. Without a word, you did.

Well. He does owe me, right? You mentally noted.

You know having sex with him in the car is a roller coaster— literally. And, uncomfortable because of the tight space inside of the car too. Which is why you’d only settle for cuddles. His rough passionate sex turns you into a hot mess — all the time.

He pushed his seat back to get a better view of your beautiful body above him and he helps you get to his side of the car until he pulled you close to his chest. He gasped when he felt your erect nipples rub against his chest. Resting your hands on his shoulders, you rubbed it against him playfully, earning a playful moan from him. “Mmm. That feels nice, baby.” He grinned, looking into your eyes as you so, rewarding you with throaty moans. He raised his head and his warm mouth captured your tit — sucking it lovingly like he’s kissing you deeply and slowly. “M-mmm’.” You moaned softly, feeling his crafty tongue flicking your nipple. You steered your body side to side while he licked it.

Breaking away from your puffy nipple, he got himself comfortable. Pushing the car seat back, Stretching out his legs and then spreading it apart. You giggled when he pulled you down closer to him — knowing that he’s gonna fuck so good. You spread your legs apart thanks to your knees resting on his thighs. Your hand slid in between and stroked his cock. He held your hand with his and slowly rubbed the tip against pussy. Gliding it up and down your pussy. “Ahh.” You moaned, the warmth feeling so good in your folds and then circling it around your puffy clit. Your circled your hips for friction as he so — your warm arousal glossing his cock the tip. “Oh baby…” you breathed out, humping it steadily, up and down. His dark brown arbs stared in yours deeply. Relishing your nipples rubbing against his chest and your warm pussy circling his hard cock.

With his hand wrapped around yours, he slid his girth in between your slick folds once more and helped you align it to your cunt. Feeling the tip poke your entrance, your pussy throbbed by the feeling as he waited for your signal to go. You then slowly pushed it in. Slowly taking him inside while you sunk on it —letting go of his girth once the tip was inside. A shaken moaned left his lips when you leaned back to seat yourself properly.

Your hands slid down to his chest and you applied some of your weight on it when you began rolling your hips steadily on his sheath — getting adjusted to his length. He rested his hand on your lower back and the other on the back of your thigh while you Roughly yet gently, grind on his cock. Arching your back, you feel it massaging your tight plush walls while the tip poked your sweet spot, over and over. “Ooh.” You breathed out, relishing the warm friction of the length stroke you so well. “Mmmmm.” you continued, rocking your hips roughly and slowly, pushing your ass back to feel his entire length graze your walls. It felt so good . Especially the veins on his cock that added to the pleasure you were receiving.

A few moments passed and you increased your pace. Riding his cock with so much want while his body was rocking below you. You watch his blissed face while you panted. His face was turned to the side with his eyes closed while he bit his bottom lip. His head getting pushed up against the headrest while he was relishing your warm tight cunt squeezing around him. Soon after, his throaty guttered moans echoed inside the car — which made you clench his length and ride him a bit quicker. Suddenly, the wet sounds coming from your sobbing cunt was ringing in his ears. “Aauuungh.” He groaned deeply, feeling you squeeze his cock tightly, on purpose. “Ug-unnhhh.” He was getting completely taken away by your ministrations — feeling putty underneath you. You smiled softly at his pure reactions and leaned over to kiss him deeply. “Mmmmm~.” He moaned, smacking his lips against yours, passionately.

He slid his hands up to your hips. Gripping it push it back and forth on his length roughly.“Ahh…fuck baby.” He said deeply, seemingly in a daze while he admired your beautiful form rocking above his. Your warm exhales fell on his face as you so. “Ride it, baby.” He whispered, looking down in between to see his cock covered in your arousal. Warm and glistening in the light every time you lifted your hips. He smacked your ass cheeks roughly and kneaded it to reward you while he watched. Soon after, he began bucking his hips to meet yours — earning a few of your breaths hitching. Echoing in his ears. He thrusted his cock into your sobbing cunt with good measure each time you sunk on it — rewarding him shaken pants and your body quivering from his deep thrusts.

“Oh baby.” You moaned erotically, your ass bouncing on his thighs while his long strokes were rubbing your sweet spot so well. “You like that huh.” He looked up with a cocky smile. He pulled your hips down to his to deepen his thrusts and gripped it; not wanting to be at least an inch away from your clenching pussy. “Oh yeah..” you panted, lifting your head up, your pussy making thick sticky sounds of your arousal smothering his pelvis.

A few more controlled thrusts, He spread his legs further apart and gripped your knees from underneath. The sudden shifting made yelp as your feet rest atop thighs now, your right hand holding onto the armrest and the other resting on top of the center console. He smirked at your pussy in full view: your wet folds spread out more and your pretty puffy clit. “A-ah!” You leaned on your side, quivering as he started thrusting in your cunt quickly. “Ooooh. Fuuuck.” He breathed out, watching his quick controlled thrusts making your body quiver. “Mmm!” He bit his bottom lip, gripping your knees underneath roughly and increasing his pace while you clenched him relentlessly.

“Ts-sumu!” Your tits bounced around feverishly from his ministrations. The wet sounds grew louder quickly — mixed with your breathless moans. “Mmmrgh.” He whined deeply, relishing your tight warmth, and eyeing your suckable nipples bouncing in his face. “Ah!” You whimpered, quivering when you felt his feather light touches brush your waist — up and down and around your soft glistening skin. You head fell back and you closed your eyes. The sounds of his cocking slamming in your sobbing cunt and it poking your sweet spot sparked a prickling feeling in your stomach — beginning to make your clit throb from the fluttering sensations. “Haaa…haa..” you panted, bucking down to meet his deep relentless thrusts. You started to feel your walls trembling — “A-Ah! Ah!” you gasped rapidly, feeling your release coming soon. His hands gripped your thighs from underneath and pushed it back, the heel of your feet digging in his thigh. He raised himself and bucked feverishly in your cunt. “Uuuuungh!” He hissed, rolling his hips up roughly, his skin slapping against your soaked pussy, rapidly. “Heh! That’s it.” He chuckled, staring hardly at your pussy slowly oozing out white fluids — covering his cock. You warm fluids dripped on his length. Creaming his cock lovingly and yours too every time slammed into you. Soon after, he reached out to rub his thumb against your clit. Your head snapped down and watched it brush your clit softly in contrast to his feverish thrusts. Your body tensed up and felt putty each second. “Mmmm.” You whimpered, the friction on your clit fluttering all over your body. You’re were about to come. Very soon. “Yeah! Yeah!” He whispered, rubbing your clit while your walls squeezing him all too well, making him push his cock into you roughly. “G’head baby.” He said thickly. “Cum on my fucking cock.” Hissing at how tight you feel around his sheath.

Soon after, your clit was pulsating uncontrollably. “U-ugh!” You groaned, your hips pushed up and you cummed. your cum gushes out of you in fast, long spurts that manages land on his abs. “Oh!” He shouted, quickly gripping your hips and slamming into you frantically. “A-aah!” You cried, Your walls were crumbling around him, crazily. “Mm!” He moaned roughly, biting his bottom lip while he looked deep into you watery eyes. “Right there. “Right there…don’t stop, baby.” He said thickly, Sitting up and Pulling you down on his cock while he slammed into you. “Haa…fuck.” His mouth opened slowly, breathing heavily as he was feeling his climax getting closer, “yeah…” he breathed out. His fingers were digging into your hips — an iron grip on it that you couldn’t move around. “Right there, Tsumu!” You panted, his tip kept hitting your sweet spot making you pulsate and spurt out again, roughly. The wet slapping sounds rang inside the car, endlessly. “Unh!” You twitched under his iron grip, feeling completely putty after cumming again. “Ugh!” He growled loudly; a few more quick thrusts, he gave a long strangled-like moan when his cum shoots in your walls while he struggled to keep going — twitching while his breath was hitching heavily until he froze. His warm fluids shooting inside you while he held you tightly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Heavy breathes echoed inside the car. Your pussy was throbbed by his cock twitching inside your soaked cunt. “Shit. I swear to god your pussy is on another level, baby.” He said breathlessly, resting his head back on the headrest while his chest heaved heavily. You hummed. Leaning over to his chest to cuddle. You whined, shifting your sore legs from his iron grip and resting them on his sides. You began leaving kisses on his neck as a thank you for keeping his promise. He stared up at the car ceiling as you so, still relishing your warmth inside your cunt for a few more minutes before pulling his cock out. After a while, you rested your hand on his left cheek and your soft lips met his passionately. “Mmmm.” He moaned in the slow deep kisses and suddenly smacked your ass cheeks, earning a playful moan from you. He chuckled and kneaded your ass while both lips smacked one another, lovingly.

After a while, he broke the kiss and his hands slid up to massage your breasts. “We should do this more often, baby.” He grinned, his thumbs brushing your nipples, feathery. You giggled at his fox-like smile. “I think Mother Nature is tellin’ us somethin’” he added, wiggling his thick eyebrows. “You’re so stupid.” You have a breathless laugh and he followed. A few deep kisses later, both phones abruptly vibrated simultaneously. You lifted yourself from his chest and he whined as you reached out for his phone. “Oh. It says it’s safe to drive now.” You read the text message. Now that you mentioned it, you looked out the window and realized that the rain had stopped.

“Babe.” You looked down at him, hoping he heard you. He hummed in agreement and sat up. “I heard ya.” He wrapped an arm around you, resting his chin on your breasts, smiling softly. “What?” You giggled, brushing his hair. “Let’s egg the gym someday.” He announced, smiling devilishly. Your eyes widened. “For what —“ “For payback.” He mumbled. You sighed at the clingy man who was looked up at you for an a see while admiring your genuine beauty. You shook your head and said, “let’s go home. I wanna take a shower.”

“And we can have a round two?” He suggested.

“If you promise to not vandalize the gym.” You smiled. “That doesn’t sound like a good deal to me, baby.” He pouted, “we could’ve died out here, ya know.” You raised an eyebrow at his dumb remark. “Yeah while fucking in the midst of a deadly storm, Shut up! .” You shook your head and smacked his shoulder, pulling back to lift up your strapped tank top while he chuckled. He quickly leaned forward and sucked your nipple and flicked it quickly. “Tsumu!”

“What. They’re starin’ at me! They love me, see?” He flicked it playfully while he looked up at you.

“I’m taking the bus home.” You pulled up your top and forcefully unwrapped his arm off around you, and moved back to your seat. "Nooo." He whined, quickly pulling back — taking his sweat towel and started cleaning up with a pout on his face. You gave him a kiss on the cheek for listening to you a few minutes after.

“You see what happens when you listen? You get rewarded.” You giggled playfully, putting back your panties and shorts on. “Oh? What’s my reward, then?” He looked at you expectantly as he started the car. “You’re not sleeping on the couch tonight, babe.” You said, smiling while you put on your seatbelt. “Well…I was hoping for a round two in the shower. But I guess…that’s fair.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Just drive the damn car, Tsumu!” You crossed your arms and turned to look out the window, annoyed again.

“Yeees ma’am .” He dragged out, shifting the gear to drive. “I’m getting my guys to egg the gym though. Since you don’t want to.” He said, on purpose, driving to the parking lot’s exit.

You sighed and shook your head — pouting. He suddenly rested his hand on your thigh as a silent apology. He really doesn’t want to sleep on the couch.

You didn’t want to repeat yourself again.

Keep pushing your luck, Tsumu.

[dolliied]

all 4 u // e42! miles morales

↳ in which miles would do anything for you, even if it meant getting into harms way for you <3

↳ fem! black! reader x 42! miles morales

↳ cw; fluff, a little angst (maybe), comfort, miles isn’t his usual stoic self here (at least around you)

the frantic tapping at your window dragged you out your trance. you turned from your desk that was littered in homework to it, revealing a dark silhouette, one that seemed oddly familiar. miles.

you quickly hurried off to the window, opening it with a click, letting miles stumble in. “miles?” you spoke, worry dripping in your tone. he only let out a pained groaned as he basically fell onto your queen sized bed. “what happened?” you pressed, but he didn’t speak, resorting to show where his side was bruised.

“you know that guy from earlier?” he spoke, his voice strangled and breathless.

you and miles walked through the crowded mall, just browsing and laughing as you guys sipped on your drinks, cracking jokes with eachother.

“no, and the she has the nerve to post that corny shit on her story like girl if you don’t get outta here!“ you finished, you and miles starting up again in your fits of laughter.

“hol’ on baby ima go use the bathroom real quick” he said, pressing a quick peck to your cheek as he sauntered off. you stood in front of the beauty supply, just looking at the stuff that we’re trying to lure you in from the entrance of the store.

all of a sudden, some random guy came up to you. he looked.. interesting to say the least. he looked around you and miles age.

“hey ma. i feel like i’ve seen you from somewhere.” at this point, you could tell he was trying to use some weird, desperate way to coax you into giving him your socials as you’ve surely never seen this man a day in your life, but you wouldn’t budge.

“well, i can assure you, i’ve never seen you a day in my life” you spoke, eyeing him up and down subtly. you turned away but were caught real off guard when he grabbed you by the arm to turn you back to face him.

“nah really i-“ he spoke before you cut him off.

“yo i already said i don’t know you so don’t you ever put your hands on me” you yelled. you saw miles coming out of the bathroom already so you shoulder bumped past the guy to go stand next to him.

“you good mama?” he asked, looking at you before looking at the guy

“he’s over here tryna get my number and shii and i told him no and shit and he touched me like what the fuck” you mumbled to him, frustrated at the situation.

he just mugged the guy. “if she said she ain’t wanna give you her number why you pressing her bruh. whatever it ain’t even worth it man, let’s go baby” he said, turning you guys around to keep walking.

“whatever yo bitch ain’t even fine anyways!” the guy yelled at y’all’s backs. it really seemed to get under miles skin but he didn’t do anything after that.

“the one from the mall? yea, why?” you asked, sitting next to him on the bed.

“i saw him again on the street in my way here and he was talking mad shit to his friend about you, so i got mad and started swinging but his weak ass homeboy jumped in and started hitting me and shit. i got em both off me but the guy landed hard ass hits.” he muttered. you sighed at him.

“you shouldn’t have baby” you pouted. “i don’t care about what he gotta say. he a bum ass nigga and you not so why you focused on him.”

you walked out to you kitchen, making an ice pack for him, you walked back to your room to see him looking at a book you had just started reading a few days ago.

“here, out this on your side” you said, handing him the ice pack and helping him lift his shirt.

“damn mama if you wanted to get freaky just say that” he said, smirking.

“miles.”

“sorry.”

my first lil fic 😝

[stephstars08]

Always on my Mind

Bengals! Joe Burrow x Reader

Warnings: One cuss word (Yes only one!), angst in the beginning but ends with fluff, divorce, pregnancy, and mention of sex.

Inspired Song: Always on my Mind by Elvis Presley

IMPORTANT NOTE: This story does jump through time including jumping two years into the future so two years after 2022 so the end of this story takes place in 2024. Also please listen to the song before reading since the story does have quotes from the song!

Description: Love can have it’s up and downs which Y/N and Joe learn throughout their relationship. But one thing they do learn is that love can never fade away.

Author’s Note: Happy Holidays everyone! Sorry for such a long wait on a new story. Not going to lie, I had zero motivation to post. This is my early Christmas to you all! I hope you enjoy your present! If there is any mistakes I apologize, I did rush a little bit with this. I have a couple more ideas coming that will most likely come in January! I don’t know if you all have noticed but I am obess with Elvis Presley and his songs because of the movie. I’ve been wanting to write a one shot based off this song for a long time since I love this song and it’s so emotional! Anyways, I hope you all are doing well and hope you enjoy the story! Let me know what you all think!

Word Count: 2,483

Y/N and Joe have been together ever since Joe’s first year at LSU. When they met, they started out as friends but of course there were feelings, but Joe was too scared to do anything because at the time he didn’t know where Y/N was from but turns out that Y/N is from Cincinnati, Ohio so they never had to do a long distance. However, their senior year Joe did have to return to campus before Y/N due to football, but they did their best to keep in touch till Y/N had to return to campus. When Joe graduated in the winter, they thought they had to do a long-distance relationship but due to Covid, Y/N finished her senior year out virtually.

When Joe committed himself into the 2020 NFL Draft, Y/N was by his side supporting him anyway she could. She knew how bummed he was when they had to make the draft virtual, but Y/N and his parents did their absolute best to keep his spirts up.

All sources had Joe going number one overall to the Cincinnati Bengals. Even though Joe had the feeling that all the predictions were true, he didn’t want to get his hopes up.

Draft night Joe sat on the couch in the living room with Y/N on his left side and his parents on his right. Right when Joe’s name was called, he put on his Bangles hat. He got up on his feet with Y/N and his parents. He first gave Y/N a kiss and hug and then gave both of his parents a hug.

Once they moved onto the second pick Joe got a video call from the Bengals head coach Zac Taylor. Joe introduced Y/N and his parents to Coach Taylor and then they got right into talking about football. After Joe finished talking with him, he did a virtual press conference. Y/N and his parents hanged out into the kitchen while he did the press conference.

When Joe got done with everything him and Y/N went down into the basement to get ready for bed since they knew Joe was going to have another busy day tomorrow. When Joe returned to Ohio, his parents let him stay in the basement. That night became even more special because that was the night Joe purposed to Y/N. Of course, she immediately said yes!

Y/N and Joe’s parents were happy but at the same time had some concern because of how young they are. When Joe purposed, he was 23 and Y/N was 22 but when they tied the knot Joe was 24 and Y/N was 23 but that was still young. While they planned their wedding, they bought a beautiful house together.

Marriage life for Y/N and Joe started out good but quickly became sour. Their first year being married was the best but did have some bumps in the road due to Joe’s injury his rookie year. Sometimes Joe let his frustration out on Y/N, but he always apologized to her after he calmed down. Y/N always knew Joe would get frustrated because of injuries or tough losses so she would always accept his apologies.

But the offseason that led up to the 2022 season is what really dug into their marriage. Joe had to get surgery to get his appendix taken out so, he wasn’t able to start training camp. Y/N took time off from work to help take care of Joe, but it didn’t go as what she thought. Instead of Joe staying home to rest he made her drive him to training camp so he could ride the cart around the field. Y/N told him multiple times he should stay home and rest but of course that went out one ear and out the other.

~~~~~~

When Joe finally able to get back onto the field all he did was football related which Y/N understood because she knew the day she met him, she knew football was his life, but she hated going to bed without him.

When the season started the fights, they would have started to become more intense. Some of them got so bad either Y/N would leave the house or Joe would leave the house for the rest of the night.

After the Bengal’s terrible loss to the Browns Halloween night Y/N and Joe had their biggest fight of their whole relationship. It got so bad Y/N packed a bag and left to her parent’s house and stayed there for almost two weeks.

  When Joe got home from the practice, he noticed a certain car parked in front of the house. Joe quickly got out of his truck and rushed inside of the house where he saw her sitting on the couch.

“Y/N!” Joe said with a big smile on his face as he quickly walked over to her. But the smile quickly faded when he saw the serious look on her face. “Joe, we really need to talk.” Y/N said in all seriousness.

“Okay, but before you say anything I want to say something.” Joe told her as he sat down next to her on the couch. “Joe.” Y/N said with a sigh but before she could say anything else he spoke. “Y/N, I am so sorry about putting all my anger and frustration out on you.” Joe apologized to her which made her look away from him because she felt tears forming in her eyes.

“I know you didn’t mean to do it, but it still hurt Joe. The things you said to me really hurt me.” Y/N told him with some frustration forming in her. “I know that’s why I was thinking that we can do another date night like we did five weeks ago.” Joe told her.

“Yeah, um about that night.” Y/N said with nervousness in her tone. “Joe, I’m pregnant.” Y/N told him as she looked back at him. “Oh my gosh!” Joe said in a surprised tone. “This is great!” Joe said with a big smile forming on his face as he put both of his hands of his both sides of her cheeks and connected his lips with hers. But the kiss didn’t last long because Y/N pulled away.

“I also want a divorce.” Y/N told him as a few tears started to make their way down her cheeks. When she said that Joe felt his heart drop all the way to the floor. “You what?” Joe said as his voice cracked.

“I love you and I know I’m pregnant with our first child but Joe we fight more than anything.” Y/N told him as she took his hands off her cheeks. “I know that which is why I just told you I’m sorry. I’m not just sorry about what happened our last fight, I’m sorry about everything!” Joe told her as tears started to fill his eyes. “And I know you’re sorry Joe, but I don’t want our baby to live in a house that is just filled with their parents screaming at each other!” Y/N told him with frustration in her tone as hot tears quickly streamed down her face that was making her face red.

Joe knew there was nothing he could say or do because he knew that she was right. “I’m sorry.” Y/N told him. “Why are you saying you’re sorry. I’m the one that fucked this all up.” Joe said as he looked down at the carpeted floor.

“How is this going to work?” Joe asked obviously talking about the baby situation. “We’re just going to have to co-parent. Like one week you’ll have the baby and then the next week I’ll have the baby.” Y/N explained to him which just earned a nod from him.

There was a long silence between the two. “I’m going to go now.” Y/N said as she stood up from the couch. Before she could make it to the door, he called her name.

“Y/N, I just want to tell you that I’ll always love you and I’ll still be there for not just through the pregnancy but through anything.” Joe told her as he stood up. “I know.” Y/N said as she wrapped her arms around and gave him a hug. Joe returned the hug and held her as tight as he could.

~~~~~

  As two years have passed Joe has kept his promise to Y/N. They have been working together to raise their handsome little boy, Cody. Every time Joe steps onto the football field, he had Cole on his mind, but he also had Y/N on his mind as well. Y/N has taken Cody to multiple games, and it always warms her heart how excited Cole gets when he sees his dad take the field.

The Bengals were heading into their bye week when two of Joe’s teammates were at his house trying to convince him to come out to the bar with them.

“C’mon Joe, you deserve a night out.” Ja’Marr told him in a stern tone. “I’m not in the mood to go out.” Joe said with a heavy sigh.

“Joe, you need to stop hiding your feelings.” Tee told him. “What?” Joe asked in a confused tone. “We ain’t stupid Joe. We know you still have strong feelings for Y/N.” Ja’Marr explained to him. “Maybe you should tell her that you want to try it again with her.” Tee suggested to him. “I don’t think so.” Joe said with another heavy sigh.

“Okay fine, we won’t nag you about it.” Tee told him. “Yeah, we need to head out.” Ja’Marr told him as Tee made his way to the door. “Just think about it.” Ja’Marr told him and followed Tee out of the house.

  Joe was cleaning around the house when he noticed that Cody left his two favorite stuffed animals, so he decided to get into his car and drive to Y/N’s house to drop them off.

Joe parked his truck in front of Y/N’s house and grabbed the stuffed animals from the passenger seat. One was a tiger and the other one was a turtle since that’s Cody’s two favorite animals.

Joe made his way to the front door and rung the doorbell. When the door opened, he saw Y/N standing there dressed up.

She had on a sweater dress with black leggings. Her hair was also in a beautiful side Braide. It’s been a while since Joe has seen her dressed like this.

“Joe, hey.” Y/N said surprised to see him. “Hey um why are you all dressed up?” Joe asked her in a curious tone. “Since Cody is spending the night at my parents tonight, I went on a blinded date.” Y/N told him.

Joe’s heart couldn’t help but hurt when she said she went out on a date.

“I just got home actually.” Y/N added. “Got you, um Cody forgot his two stuffed animals at my house.” Joe told her as he handed them over to her. “Oh, thanks.” Y/N told him with a smile. “It’s not a problem.” Joe told her with a small smile. “I guess I’ll see you next week.” Joe said turning around to leave but she stopped him by saying his name.

“Do you want to come in and have a drink?” Y/N asked him in a curious tone. “Sure.” Joe said with a nod and walked into the house.

“I just made some coffee so help yourself.” Y/N told him as she closed the front door. “I’m going to go put the stuffed animals into Cody’s room and get changed.” Y/N told him and made her way up the steps.

Joe walked into the kitchen and got two mugs out from the cabinet. He carefully poured the hot liquid into both mugs.

When Y/N walked into the kitchen she was wearing a Bengals long sleeve t-shirt and black sweatpants.

“Here you go.” Joe said handing one of the mugs to her. “Thanks.” Y/N said taking the mug. She blew onto the hot liquid and the took a sip of it.

“So, how did the date go?” Joe asked trying to not show any jealousy. “It went good, but I don’t see myself calling the guy.” Y/N told him as she stared down at her mug that she now had sitting on the kitchen island.

“How come?” Joe asked after taking a sip from his coffee. Y/N just gave him a shrug. “It’s okay Y/N. You can tell me.” Joe reassured her and took another sip from his coffee.

“It’s because the guy isn’t you.” Y/N told him which almost made him choke on the coffee. “Wait, do you still love me?” Joe asked in a curious tone as he sat the mug down on the counter.

“Yes, I think those feelings are never going to go away.” Y/N answered as she looked back up at him. “I know that probably sounds dumb coming from me since I’m the one that filed for divorce.” Y/N said with frustration as she looked away from him again. “I don’t think that sounded dumb.” Joe told her as he walked around the kitchen island, so he was standing next to her.

“Why?” Y/N asked as she stared down at the marbled kitchen floor. Joe used one of his hands to pick her head up so that she was looked at him. “Because like I told you before, I will always love you.” Joe told her as he used his same hand to cup her cheek and stroked it lightly.

Y/N leaned up and connected her lips with his for a sweet and passionate kiss. Joe returned the kiss as he pulled her close. When they released from the kiss they stared deep into each other’s eyes.

“I want to give us another try.” Y/N told him as she wrapped her arms around his torso. “I do too, and I promise you that this time will be different.” Joe told her.

“I’ll be there when you feel lonely. I will tell you how happy you make me. I love you so much and I’ll make sure to tell you that every day! You were and always will be on my mind.” Joe told her as he put his other hand on her other cheek.

“Joe, I just want one thing. This time I want to take it slow.” Y/N told him as her eyes filled with not sad tears but happy tears. “Of course, whatever you want, we will do.” Joe told her as he wiped away the tear that started to make its way down her face.

Joe reconnected his lips hers. Even though the kiss was short it had so much love and passion in it.

“I love you!” Y/N told him as their foreheads rested against each other’s. “I love you too!” Joe told her and reconnected their lips again for a kiss full of nothing but love.

[incognita-soul]

hey, i saw in your bio that you work on tall ships and i was wondering if u had any advice.

i’ve been on 2 tall ship sailing trips before (+some dinghy sailing) and got my competent crew recently so i’m pretty inexperienced. on those sailing trips i’ve met young adults who were working on the boats as volunteers. i’d like to be able to volunteer on tall ships one day.

do you have any advice for the best way to gain experience and learn stuff? (if possible on a budget). i’m taking a gap year next year and i’d really like to take the chance to go sailing and get better at it. (i’m in the uk if that’s relevant.)

absolutely no pressure to answer and i’m sorry this is so vague and clueless! anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this. your blog is cool :))

Heya! Thank you, and I'd be happy to give you my two cents! All of my boat experience has been in the US so take my advice with a transatlantic grain of salt, but here goes!

Firstly, two trips and some dinghy sailing and a competent crew cert is actually quite a bit in comparison to your average person starting out in the world of boats, so don't worry about feeling too inexperienced! You're already on a good track. I've been working on tall ships in some capacity for over 10 years and I still don't have any specific certifications (I've got a lot of experience and sea time, I just haven't had time to take any of my courses and exams for actual licensing).

Facebook is (unfortunately) still the best place to network, especially for international opportunities. There are a variety of groups that you can join. I'm personally in Schooner Bums, Tall Ship Opportunities, Women Who Sail, Crew Finder, and a few other private groups specific to the organizations I've worked for. A lot of organizations will post to these groups with job opportunities with specific requirements, so it's fairly easy to get the info you need. I'm sure there are a few groups specific to sailing in the UK. In the US, we have Tall Ships America, which is an organization that provides networking, training, and job opportunities for mostly US based sailors and boats. I'm not sure if the UK has an equivalent organization, but I do recommend even though you are UK based you should peruse their website, especially the Billet Bank, which is where job links are posted:

You're in the UK, so there are a shit ton of boats there but as far as I know most of them are museum boats that don't do a lot of sailing. I will say from personal experience that museum boats with a good volunteer maintenance program are great places to start for establishing a strong set of foundational skills (knots, understanding and maintenance of the rig, carpentry, etc.). You might not get much actual sea time with a museum boat, but you will learn the things that will make you a better sailor. I got into tall ships by working as a historical interpreter and then as part of the sailing/maintenance crew here:

https://www.jyfmuseums.org/visit/jamestown-settlement/living-history/ships#ad-image-0

Most tall ship organizations are based around education, both for the public and for the crew, so it's easy to find a boat with some sort of introductory training program relatively near wherever you live. These range from expensive pay-to-play working vacation type experiences, to paying a fee to participate in a structured comprehensive training curriculum after which you can become long-term crew, to volunteering weekends sanding and oiling blocks in exchange for the opportunity to sail.

Since you said you are taking a gap year, my advice is look for a short-term comprehensive live-aboard program that gets your foot in the door for staying on as regular crew, potentially even paid crew. Idk any specific ones in the UK, but here's the one that the last boat I worked on offers as an example of what i mean:

If you've got time before your gap year starts, try to find something local, like volunteering for a mueseum like I mentioned earlier, so that you get used to the vocabulary and foundational knowledge of boats. That way you can really get the most out of a more immersive program later on and you won't feel too much like an oversaturated sponge trying desperately to sop up more information even though your brain is leaking out of your ears.

I'm not sure if you're wanting to do tall ships longer term or just something one-off for the gap year, but if you're in it for the long haul just be prepared that it's a lot of hard work for not much financial return. I don't mean to discourage you, it's just good to know that upfront. On Lady Washington we have a saying that "we work on an 18th century boat for 18th century wages."

Unfortunately the tall ship industry is kind of hard budget wise. Most training programs cost quite a bit of money, most jobs are either volunteer or don't pay very well (industry standard deckhand pay in the US is about $1000/month), and most higher level positions require various levels of certifications (for which course and exam fees can run pretty high). You can do it on a budget, especially since most long term positions are live aboard so you don't have to pay for rent or groceries, but if you want to make a career out or it, it takes a lot of years of working for less money than you're worth before you start earning real money back.

Despite all that, working on tall ships is still an incredible and fulfilling experience that I recommend to anyone with a love of the sea and learning practical skills!

Sorry I couldn't give you more specific information, as I have yet to work on any UK boats. Good luck, and please tell me when you find a program that works for you!

[masonmtxo]

Late Night Gossip

Note: I havent written anything in ages but came up with this after some discussions ive seen on the feed recently. Its super short and not proof read but enjoy!

Feedback is obvs always welcome ❤️

Note: somehow the first half of this deleted and I havent got it saved anywhere so sorry if its a little confusing at first 😫

Your let yourself through the front door of your house, instantly plopping to the floor in order to remove your far too tight heels. The stairway light suddenly flicked on, distracting your attention for your current task to see your boyfriend standing at the top of the stairs in a pair of tight black boxers, sleepy eyes squinting in confusion.

“Hi baby!” You grinned, spinning back onto your bum and sitting up to wave at him as he slowly descended the stairs.

Having made his way down to you, he was quick to realise the extend of your drunkenness, reaching down to gently pull you to your feet.

“Wasn’t expecting you back tonight otherwise I would’ve waited up,” he mumbled as he crouched down to unbuckle your first shoe and lightly rubbing your foot as it was released from its cramped position, “thought you were staying round Alicia’s tonight?”

You leant on his naked back for balance, sighing in contentment as your second shoe was removed, your other foot also receiving a quick massage before Mason rose to his full height.

“Thank you,” you whispered, pecking his lips before leaning into his chest for a cuddle, you drunken brain automatically seeking his comfort, “I was gonna but Brandon was being a dick when he picked us up so I asked to come home instead.”

“What happened?” He stepped back from your embrace before guiding you towards the kitchen, standing you in front of the counter with his hands around your waist as he waited for a response.

“They were arguing before we went out, apparently Brandon didn’t want her going out in the dress she was wearing,” you stated, Mason not replying as he waited for you to finish, sensing there was more to the story as he lifted you onto the counter.

“So she wore it anyway as he was being a controlling pig,” you spat, causing Mason to snort as he ran the tap and filling you a glass of cold water. “And we took some banging pictures in the loos when we got there that we were posting on our stories-“

“I saw,” he interrupted with a smirk, handing you the glass and gesturing for you to take a drink before you continued, “you looked really really ‘banging’ tonight”

You shared a grin, pecking his lips again in thanks as you wrapped both your arms and legs around his body stood between your thighs. “Shame Brandon cant appreciate his girlfriend looking nice too. He kicked off with her, called her a slut and implied she was going to try and cheat on him. Kept ringing and texting the whole night, eventually Alicia answered and he told her he was coming to get us. I wasn’t ready to leave yet,” you pouted.

Mason glanced up towards the clock behind you, noting it was only half past 1, much earlier than you would normally get home after a night out with your best friend.

“Well Brandon is a complete prick, we know that. Should’ve stayed and ignored him, you know ill always come and get you both and Alicia knows shes always welcome to stay here,” he spoke into your neck between soft kisses.

“I know, but you were tired after the match and he would’ve just come in and caused a scene anyway when he got there if Alicia didn’t come out,” you groaned, frustrated at how your night turned out, now considerably more sober after reciting the story to Mason.

“She needs to just break up with him,” Mason shrugged. That was one of your favourite things about your boyfriend, he loved a gossip about your friends and was always there with an ear, ready to listen and give his opinion when needed on the drama at hand. No girly topic was off limits, Mason giving his two cents about everything from boyfriends to bitchy arguments about clothes.

“Ive been telling her that for ages but she never listens,” you rolled your eyes, leaning back from his embrace to press a string of kisses against his softly pouted lips. “Can we go to bed now, and cuddle?” You asked, tiredness now taking over.

“Obviously,” he smirked, hands cupping your bum as he lifted you up from the counter, stepping away to carry you up to your unmade bed that he had occupied solo earlier on in the night.

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey - Chapter 5

Inspo: Lyrics- Mirrorball (TS) ; “I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try.” Summary: More frisky kisses ensue, Sugar gets introduced to the world of fae porn, Syd is scarred from opening the back door, Caviar kisses, Carm has another panic attack, Winnie is becoming unsure what she’s throwing herself into… W/C: 4,826 Posted: 2/15/24 A/N: Blehhh ok so I’ve edited this chapter and I am not sure how I feel? I know that this is mostly what I wanted it to look like but this was a hard chapter bc things are really gonna pick up on family night (next chapter) I will have that up this weekend it is probs gonna be really wordy and possibly smut but I’m still working out how I want him to open up to her that way so - anyway sorry this chapter is so angsty. I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!! Warnings for BTC: Swearing, Light smut, A lot of angst, panic attacks/panic disorder, smoking (green and cigs)

𝒞𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀 𝒪𝓊𝓉 𝑀𝓎 𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉!

Read Chapter 4 ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“I want you to come to family” 

I blinked a few times,

 “like- the thing you were talking about with Sugar earlier?” I asked and he nodded, tugging my skirt down in the back and rubbing over the backs of my thighs. 

“Yea..it’s not- well they are my family but not like my .. blood family a lot of em’. But I figured you can see the menu you helped with and meet everyone.” My heart races, meet his family. 

“Is that… What you want, Carmen, for me to come to your family night?” I asked and cup his cheeks. “Yes” he said softly. “I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t sure, you know how I am about the restaurant” he said as I rub over the stubble lining his jaw softly. 

“Of course I’ll come, Carm. I’m honored you ask! That’s so special, thank you” I kiss his cheek tenderly before wrapping him in a hug. I nuzzle my face in his neck and he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling tight. “Cmon” he lifts me up and I giggle, wrapping my legs around his waist.

“What are you doing” I squeak and he puts his hands on my bum hoisting me up higher on his waist “gettin you home ‘fcourse” he said and started toward my building with ease. “Wow okay , well render me impressed, big sexy man” I laughed causing him to chuckle. “We have bags of flour I’m pretty sure weigh more then you” he teased and I poke his jaw with my finger. 

“Don’t be giving me a weight complex” I joke and he leans against the entry way of my building, sighing softly. “This was so nice” he said softly and rests his head against the wall to look at me. “It was soooo nice” I repeat and play with his hair gently. “When is family?” I ask and he gently sets me down. 

“Friday. We do it one Friday a month since that seems to be the time everyone can get off work ‘n shit.” He said and I nod “what time?” I asked “5 but…” he trails off looking away. “But…” I said and poke his nose gently causing him to look at me. “But… I dunno I wanted you to like- come by earlier to see me” he blushed and I giggle. “Oh my god!!! Such a little schoolboy crush” I teased and cup his cheeks, bringing him in for a tender kiss. 

“Yes Carmen. I’d love to have some us time before I meet everyone it’ll probably calm my nerves” I said and rest my forehead on his. “Ok” he said softly “I don’t want to leave you, but it’s 1:17 and I’m usually asleep on the couch when my head hits the pillow” he said and I nod “of course” I sit up, adjusting my skirt and sweater. 

“But I wanna see you- like. More. This week?” He asked and I smile, biting my lip to contain a giddy grin. “Like I said, anything you want, Carm” he pulls me to him by my waist once more, kissing me deeply. I open my mouth for him in invitation and he gladly accepts, tasting me as if he wanted to memorize the flavor. I lace my fingers through his curls and tug, causing him to squeeze my bum tightly, trailing his hands down my thighs and rubbing sensually. I slip my hand under his sweatshirt, my fingers dancing along the toned muscular skin. 

We’re interrupted by one of my elderly neighbors taking her dog out for a late-night potty session, when the door opens I pull away with a huff, dropping my hands. “You go get some sleep, We’ll continue this.” I peck him on the lips and he pulls off the wall, opening the entry way door for me. “Come by tomorrow at 3 for lunch yea? I’ll make somethin’ for us” he said and I nod, smiling giddily. 

“Sounds perfect. I’ll see you” I cup his jaw, gently rubbing before heading off to the stairs. I hear the entry-way door close and at the first stair landing I can’t help but jump excitedly for all that happened tonight. 

———-

I had a hard time falling asleep, I’d set my alarm for 6 which was an hour earlier then I’d usually get up for my shift that started at 9. This being because now knowing I would be seeing Carmy for lunch, I wanted to look cuter then I usually would on a Thursday. 

When it blared from my nightstand I groaned, carefully rolling on my side to turn it off so as to not crush Persephone who squeaked a yawn out and stretched, knowing it was a bit early to eat. I scratch her belly and she purrs, stretching out a bit more before closing her eyes, making me giggle. 

“Girl, that Carmen was up like- hours ago now” I said softly to her and she stares at me intently while I talk, her piercing blue eyes were what I thought of when I saw Carmen’s. It was what drew me to her at the shelter.

I stretch my back, before getting up and heading to the bathroom. I brush my teeth and take my morning adderall, turning the shower on hot before padding back out to see Persephone was curled up comfortably in my warm spot, making me smile. I go to take a photo of her when I see a Text notification 

Carm🧸: New iMessage 1 photo 5:02 am

I bit my lip, my brow furrowing. I click it and my Face ID opens to our conversation. 

Ohh u r soooo busted!! And u got ME busted!! U LEFT this last night in Sugs office and she WONT give it back. She stole it back from my office - what did u do to my sister Winnie?? 

I laugh out loud to see a photo of my book, covering my mouth and shaking my head. My cheeks heat, but then I’m giggling harder thinking of the annotations I’d written and pages that had been dogeared that all contained porn. 

I text a reply:

Lmaooo I told you it was slutty!!! She can have it until she’s done- that’s my annotated copy!! It must have fallen from my bag sowwyyyy :(( but at least you’re a big boy now that you know about the fae and the illyrians right?  

I connect my phone to the Bluetooth speaker, turned on my shower playlist and headed to the bathroom. I took my time getting ready that morning, making my makeup extra perfect and picking out a put together outfit.

I took a deep breath, examining myself in the hall mirror, adjusting the bow in the back of my hair tying back a few strands and rub my glossy lips together. “Okay, love you kittens” I called to Persephone who was happily perched on her cat tree in the morning sun, napping after her wet food she had for breakfast. 

The time at work today was going by achingly slowly, every time I would look at the clock only a few minutes have gone. Customers were trickling in like a leaky faucet, one would come, stay for 20 or so minutes, buy something, leave, and I was alone for another 20 minutes, until another customer came, and it kept repeating. 

I was 2 chapters deep in the next book in the series I was invested in when I feel my phone buzz against my backside. I grab it from my pocket, seeing it was from Carm, I clicked it without thinking. 

I think the sluttiest thing about it r ur little comments - u dirty girl. U Like playing with paint hm?

I feel my cheeks heat, my stomach fluttering, my heart starts pounding in my throat and my mouth runs dry like I’d just smoked 3 blunts with no water. I knew exactly what he was referring to. 

2 of the characters in my book had fallen in love, and painted each other with thick red and blue paint, and fucked eachother passionately, until every bit of the paint had mixed and swirled together in to a deep rich purple. Then, the woman laid on a large canvas while her lover made her cum with his mouth until she could barely think, creating a stunning purple abstract work of art that he could hang in his office, so during meetings he could be reminded of their glorious time together. 

I had written things like ‘I’d want my mate to leave a handprint on my throat.’ ‘Ugh why can’t I find a man that will fuck me brainless like hers does :(‘ ‘omg yesss breed her!’ 

I put my hand over my mouth, oh my word. I’m unsure how I managed to forget about that scene. I swallowed hard and my thumbs ghost over the keyboard of my phone, moving, unsure what to do. My only real choice felt like to lean into it, hoping so soon it didn’t put him off. Especially knowing he’d read about my kinks in the book and not knowing if he was into that. 

Yup :) know any dudes with wings that would wanna play with me and learn how colors mix? 

I hit send before I could second guess myself and look at the time 2:40 - mother fucking idiot! I can’t believe what I’ve just gotten myself into. Oh and I hadn’t even thought about if Richie or Sugar will make fun of me for my comments- And what if Carmen was second guessing- and - my phone vibrates shortly and I look down. 

U still comin to see me? Just finished our food

I bit my lip, getting up and grabbing my coat, fixing my hair and putting on some lipgloss before sending my reply. 

Omw now handsome 

My heart pounds in my chest as I cross the street and go into the alley. Just as I near the door it swings open, Carmen looked much better than he did last night. “Hey” I said softly “Hey you” he smiled at me and my heart melted. “You look pretty, I like that sweater where d’you shop?” He asked and  I felt my cheeks redden. 

“Uhm. Mostly..thrift. Chicago has a great thrift scene, so I get a lot of cute stuff there” I said and he takes his cigarettes out of his pocket, putting one between his lips his eyebrows raising. “Really?” He muttered, taking a black lighter out of his pocket and lighting it. “Mmhmm I love altering vintage things” I said and adjusted his chain on his neck so the pendant was facing front. 

He took a drag and blew it past me. “I actually collect vintage denim. Have a shit ton” I smiled big “yeah?” I said “whoda’ thought you have a hobby” I teased and he rolled his eyes. “I know right. Work so fuckin’ much I don’t know how I find time to do anything.” He smiled a bit. 

“Wanna guess what I made you?” He asked and I tapped my finger to my lips in thought. “Hmmm… a real garbage plate to add to your menu?” I giggle and he chuckled a bit “you are relentless with that shit” I gasp “not shit! It is amazing, the garbage plate is fine art” I said, causing him to really laugh. 

“I can’t wait for family night so you can try real food not that … stuff thrown on a plate” he scrunches his nose in playful disgust. I poke his chest “tell me what you made meanie” he took another drag of his cigarette. “Black garlic caviar burger and truffle fries” he said after blowing his smoke and my eyes widened. 

“Oh my god!! I’ve never had caviar before” I said and his jaw drops “ok well- you’ll be doing a caviar bump before your burger then” he said and I snort “caviar bump oh my god! Chefs are the art bros of food!!” I laughed and he shook his head with a smile. “I have a lot to teach you if you haven’t had caviar.” 

He stomps out his cigarette and I step closer, looking up at him “I’ve been thinkin’ about you today” I said softly. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close, “yea?” He rubs my back “mmhmm” I hum into his chest. “I’ve been thinkin’ ‘bout you too sweet girl” he said and I blushed, bringing up my hands to play with his hair. “I thought I was a dirty girl” I said and looked up at him. 

His hands slide down my backside and he squeezes tenderly. “Mm you are a very dirty girl. But still a sweetheart” he said and I huff “does a girl have to beg you for a kiss, Carm?” I whine “I’m all over you here” I tug on his curls gently pulling him closer to my face. He chuckles, the smell of his smoke still lingering on his tongue. 

“All you have to do is ask baby” he kisses me sweetly, tongue grazing across my lower lip and I open for him, humming in satisfaction at his taste. His hands trail up to my hips, squeezing them firmly and pulling me flush to him. I tug on his hair harder, earning a low moan from him and the door suddenly creeks open causing my eyes to open and I see a girl looking at a clipboard. 

“Hey Che-oooohhh my god.” She quickly shuts the door and I pull away and giggle. “Oh my god I feel like I’m in fuckin’ high school again” I rolled my eyes. “We’re gonna need to get alone at some point” I wipe sparkles from my lipgloss from his kiss swollen lips. 

“You’re tellin’ me. Cmon my office has a lock let’s go eat” he opened the door and slapped my bum playfully as I walked through earning a gasp. “Carmen!” I giggle “you bad boy!” I nudge his arm with my elbow and he takes my hand smiling as he leads me down the hall. He opened the door to his office, where the desk had been organized, all the papers now gone & just a desk phone and cup of pens and pencils remained.

“You start this bad behavior I just follow it” he teases and I sit down in the smaller of the rolling chairs. “Be right back. Did you want anything t’drink?” He asked “got doctor pepper?” I asked “sure do - try not to rub one out on the desk again while I’m gone” he teased and I rolled my eyes with a giggle. 

He was back within a few minutes, a small tray with plates and drinks as well as a small tin and little sauce cup with some white cream looking sauce in it. “Alright so as promised, caviar bumps for the princess” he said, causing me to blush. He sets the tray down “and before I forget” he pops his head out into the kitchen. 

“YO! Until 3:45 Syd is Kitchen Manager Richie is Head Chef I am not answering shit everyone heard?” He calls loud enough for the kitchen to hear with ease. 

“Heard Chef!” Everyone replied. 

He shuts the door and locks it. “We are alone, officially. Unless the place is on fire” he sits down in his chair and sighs in relief. “So. Mister fancy money bags with the caviar, show a common girl how it’s done” I outstretch my manicured hand. He takes it and presses a tender kiss to the back. I blushed, a smile adorning my lips “is that a part of the ritual?” I asked and he chuckled. 

“You’re cute. It’s not a ritual, but no. That part is just for pretty girls” he opened up the tin and took a tiny pearl spoon “alright make a fist” he said and I furrow my brows “I have nails.” I giggle “I can’t” he snorts “fine. Then flex your fingers in to make like an open finger fist” I do so and he scoops a little bit of the dark black pearls onto the back of my hand, before putting a small dollop of the white cream on top. 

“Try it.” He said and I raised my brows. “Like, lick my hand?” I ask and he nods. “T-the natural uh..heat from your hand? It warms it up, it makes it softer, and it livens up the briny flavor of it. And then the Creme Fraiche makes it like..buttery” he explains, blush heating his cheeks and the bridge of his nose. I nodded and smiled softly. “Wow. That’s really smart you know that” I said and watch him as I lick the back of my hand slowly, making sure I got it all “don’t- don’t uh..chew just like close your mouth and use your tongue” he said and I did as he said, humming at the flavor and nodding slightly. 

“Like it?” He asked and I swallowed “mmhmm. Really good, you wanna try?” I asked and he raised his eyebrows “uh- sure I mean it’s been a while since I-“ I got up, swiftly straddling his lap and kissing him passionately. I swipe my tongue along his bottom lip requesting entrance, and when he accepts I run my tongue along his gently, savoring the taste of him. He groans softly, grabbing my hips firmly as I deepen the kiss, wrapping my arm around the back of his neck so our chests were flush together. 

I pulled away after a good 30 seconds or so of deeply making out and opened my eyes to meet his, his pupils blown wide and cheeks a bright shade of pink. “So?” I asked and he blinked a few times. “N-no you were right” he nods quickly “really, really good thanks for the taste.” He swallowed thickly. I got up and sat back on my seat, crossing my legs. “So I’m excited for this burger” I take one of the plates and he adjusts himself in his chair, hiding the tightness in his pants with his apron.

“Mmhmm” he hums in response and takes his own plate. I pick it up, taking a bite and moaning softly at the taste. “So good” I mumbled and he smiled, taking a bite of his own. “Glad you like it. This is on our regular menu” he said and I nod. “Wow- fancy place” I said and he chuckled. “Why thank you, we try but we also try to be reasonable” he said. 

“So what should I wear Friday?” I asked and he shrugs “whatever you want, A lot a’ people dress up because it’s their date night, but I have to wear my whites.” He said and I smirked “oooo! So I get to see you all sexy and professional?” I joked and he chuckled “I’m starting to think you have a Chef kink or something.” I giggle “I didn’t but then I met you and I’m a girl that makes the best of her situations” I ate a fry with a smile.

“Is that so?” He hums, eating more of his burger. “Yup! I’m a go with the flow kinda girl.” I smile. The rest of lunch was filled with laughter and flirty conversation, and when we were both done - it wasn’t long before I was back straddling his hips and his lips were on mine again. 

I lace my fingers in his hair and whimper softly when he tugs my bottom lip between his teeth. I grind my hips down into his and he grunts lowly, letting my lip go “Winnie. You can’t be doing that” he breathed out and I cup his jaw with my hands, “doing what?” I asked and circled my hips, my ass providing him with the delicious friction he was craving. “T-that” he muttered, his breath catching in his throat when I kissed up his neck sensually. “Why?” I mutter into his skin, taking his ear between my teeth. “Do I not make you feel good baby?” I whispered in his ear. 

He takes a shuddering breath. “You make me feel too good and I don’t want to fuckin’ embarrass myself” he whispers I cup his cheeks and rest my forehead on his, looking in to his eyes. “I think that it’s the hottest thing in the world when you feel good. Because it means it’s what you want” I said softly, running my thumb over his kiss-swollen lips. “Do you want me, Carm?” I whisper and he swallows thickly. 

“I want you so bad, but” he closes his eyes, biting down on his lip. “But what?” I pout, brushing my thumbs over his cheekbones. “I can’t” he said softly. “We can’t. I’m so sorry.” He pulls his forehead off of mine and I feel my heart sinking. “I don’t like being attached to people, you’re too good.” He said quietly. 

I sit up and look at him, taking my hands from his face. “We’ll would you rather be attached to someone bad?” I asked and he pressed his lips into a line. “Honestly. Yes. Because then I’m focused.” He said and I narrowed my eyes slightly. 

“What- I’m just a distraction?” I said and got up “No- no- Winnie” he stood up, grabbing my arms. “No. I’m the distraction. Me. That’s why we can’t- I want you to come to family but…” he swallows thickly and I search his eyes for an answer. 

“But what?” I asked softly my eyebrows knit together in confusion and concern. “Im I-i-“ he takes a deep breath. “I am a fucking psycho.” He said and I laugh, genuinely laugh. “Carmen. Carmen.” I shake my head in disbelief. “Carmen- what are you talking about?” I asked. “I- I just told you I’m fucking crazy Winnie. And I can’t I- I - I can’t…. I can’t bring you into all of my bullshit” he squeezes his eyes shut, rubbing his face. 

I cross my arms. “So what, there’s bodies in your basement?” I joked, hoping to lighten the mood. “Winnie. I’m not kidding right now? Ok?” He raised his voice slightly and I took a step back. “Carmen, you can tell me. Just breathe, ok?” I said and he shook his head. “You- you. You have to leave” he turned around running his hands through his hair, his breathing getting quicker. 

“Carmen,” I said softly. “J-just p-p-fuck” he rubs his face hard. “Carmy, you’re having a panic attack” I whisper. “I’m not leaving you alone to suffer more.” I said softly and walked over, putting my hand on his shoulder. “F-fuck is that” he takes a gasping breath, unable to regulate. “Your nervous system is way overwhelmed right now, Carmy, open your eyes.” He shook his head again. “N-no I can’t. Makes it w-worse” he said and I cup his face. 

“Carmen, open.” I gently rub my thumb over the crease in his forehead and his eyes flutter open, short quick gasps falling from his lips. “Did you know” I take a warhead candy out of my pocket that I kept for my own panic emergencies “that sour stops these?” He shakes his head “open” he opens his mouth and I pop the cherry candy in. His face immediately twists up “oh fuck that’s fucking sour. Where did you learn that shit?” He spits it in the trash taking a big drink of his soda. 

I giggle “there you are!! Welcome back. I learned it in therapy. I should have a girl scout badge for all the tricks I have up my sleeve at this point” I smile and he looks at me. “I’ve…never been able to stop it.” He said and I nod. “You can’t always stop it. Sometimes you have to ride them out. But if you catch it early and use a technique like that it can cut it off” I shrug. 

“I’m…sorry. For kinda yelling at you” he said. I nodded. “Thank you, I appreciate that. It’s ok, I understand what was going on. I get them too. Do you want a hug?” I asked and he bit his lip. “I- still. So what I was saying.” He said and I crossed my arms, looking at him. 

“I really think you’re awesome, Winnie. And- and I love this. I really love this and spending time with you. Getting to know you- I want to keep doing that. But I- I can’t be- I’m not a boyfriend person.” He says finally. I swallow the lump in my throat and try to calm the fire growing in my chest. 

“We…” I trail off - Have known eachother for 2 fucking days, what do you take me for? You think I’M the desperate fuck in this situation? How old are you? We fuck around twice and then you figure I want you to be my boyfriend? 

I wanted to seeth, grab my purse, and slam the office door in his face. If it was any other man I would, but the look in his eyes, and the way Carmen was - was not like any other man. “I. Um.” I clear my throat “I didn’t mean last night like - like what I said like. To really” I swallow hard. “To really use me. Um that was” I close my eyes, my cheeks heating and I shake my head. 

“Oh my god Winnie - no - no,no - I would never do that to you. Are you- so you don’t want to..” I looked at him “this is a lot” I said quietly. He nods “o-ok what do you want?” He asks. “I-“ I sigh. “I want you to get the fuck out of your head and live Carmen. Just. For fucks sake.” I walk up to him “You deserve to be happy. I don’t know what bullshit you think you carry, but I have my own. I just air mine out to a therapist 3 times a week. Just.” I cup his cheeks. 

“I don’t have to be your girlfriend, we can just be 2 adults that like spending time together, and are honest with each other about how we feel” I said and tears rimmed his eyes. “Ok” he whispers and my heart flutters. “Okay?” I asked. “I can’t promise you I can get out of my head. Or that I-I’m gonna talk to you every day. Or that I’m gonna be able to give you what you want in bed” I cover his mouth. 

“No promises, no strings, no obligations. You. Carmen. All of you as long as you can handle all of me” 

He nods and I take my hand away. “Thank you…for not pressuring me” he blinks away his tears and I place a soft kiss on his lips. “I know you’d never pressure me.” I told him and he nods. “CARMEN ITS 3:50 I NEED TO PISS COME TAKE OVER” Richie yells through the door. I giggle “Charming as all get out.” I said, grabbing my bag and coat, helping him stack the plates on the tray. 

“Yup! Two seconds!” Carm calls back. I took another sip of my soda. “I’ll see you Friday, yeah?” I said and headed towards the door. He grabbed my hand and pulled me back, giving me a deep kiss, hands slinking around my waist and squeezing thankfully. “Mmhmm.” He hummed into my mouth. 

“Can I call you tonight?” He asked when he finally broke the kiss. “Sure- uh. I’ll keep my ringer on” I smile lightly. He nodded. “Thank you, for- f’everything.” He said softly and I kiss his cheek. “Anytime, Carm”

I open the door and snuck out the back kitchen door before anyone could see me and took a deep breath, grabbing a joint from the tin in my purse and lighting it. 

What am I getting myself into?

ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕕 ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕊𝕚𝕩 ℍ𝕖𝕣𝕖!

[awooghan]

24 to 25 ✧.* y.ji (part two)

➳ PAIRING: jeongin x fem!reader

➳ GENRE: fluff, angst, childhood friends to lovers, christmas

➳ WARNINGS: mild language, mentions of food, long as hell, i put the ‘slow’ in slowburn (in my defense this trope does not work without it), i’ve checked like 1922847473 times for inconsistencies but if there are any pls be nice it’s my first long fic ;w; also you can slowly see the quality of my writing decline in the end im sorry 😭

➳ WORD COUNT: 47.7k (part one: 25.9k; part two: 21.8k) i'm so sorry

➳ SUMMARY: “stay for christmas?” was a phrase jeongin first uttered to you when you were both ten years old, but neither of you had any idea the bond those three little words would hold as the years go by. (inspired by “24 to 25” by stray kids)

➳ NOTES: IT’S FINALLY UP!! i’m so sorry for the wait, i really really wanted to get this right and it took me wayyy longer than i thought it would. but i love how it turned out and i'm so proud of it. i hope y’all enjoy :’)

i’ll include more to the note when i'm not in such a rush to get this posted but tysm to everyone who helped me in writing it! @crispy-chan jas thank you for beta reading (i’m so sorry it was so long) your comments were really sweet and really reassured me that i was doing okay &lt;;33 thank u @pearleechai and @gloseoks for helping me out with that one part i got stuck on for like a week lmaooo. to elsa specifically, ty for all ur help and encouragement in the couple chapters i asked for help on :D i’m sorry it meant u had some of the fic spoiled for u tho ;w; lastly, @svtbabies hopie u have been my lifesaver from start to finish w this fic. thank u so so much for planning w me and for the multiple times you’ve saved me from a huge writer’s block. i wouldn’t have been able to complete this without you, so ty for everything <33 also ty for the banner lol

➳ IMPORTANT!!! this fic is so long that i have to split it into two parts. i'd use the legacy editor but i can't toggle btwn the two anymore 😭 i did not intend for it to be this lengthy but anything for childhood friends to lovers i guess. PLEASE READ PART ONE FIRST.

part one | [part two]

network tags: @straykidsland

taglist: @hafsa-hoofsa-heefs @crow953 @urmomma0324 @tasmtrilogy

20.

Regardless of how desperately you wanted to enjoy Christmastime like you'd usually do, you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it this year.

You had long broken up with Heeseung, and while it did hurt immensely to begin with, it still persisted as a dull ache. You’re a little bummed you couldn’t indulge in your Christmas romance fantasies this year, but you figured you’d manage. You know that wasn't everything in a relationship; it was just a bonus, especially for someone like you.

But what does feel unbearable this year had nothing to do with love or romance. All you could think about was last year and the way Jeongin had left. 

It plagued your mind for weeks after that night, on whether or not you should have stayed and spent your time with Jeongin instead of bringing Heeseung to Jisung's Christmas party. Nevertheless, you had to remind yourself that you didn't know Jeongin had planned to leave that night—and no matter how much you wanted to, you couldn't go back and change the past. 

You couldn't tell if you resented Jeongin for what he did, or if you blame yourself for not listening to him. All the times he wanted to speak to you last year—maybe even to tell you, you just cut him off, too caught up in your new romance with Heeseung to even notice what Jeongin wanted to say.

Perhaps this was what you deserved for trying to follow Jisung’s advice when you were sixteen. “Date and move on,” he said. There was nothing to move on from, but you still tried it anyway.

And look where that got you.

Your original plan had been to stay nestled up in the comforts of your bed, watching whatever trash Hallmark had put out this year as you drank an atrocious amount of hot chocolate to comfort yourself. You were tempted to avoid Christmas plans altogether, especially when all the neighborhood party would do was remind you of Jeongin..

However, Jisung, the persistent fool that he was, wouldn't let that happen. Not when you could be watching laughable Christmas movies with him and his, and now your, friends. 

Felix and Hyunjin are squished together on the loveseat in Jisung's apartment, not that Felix seemed to mind as it gave him an excuse to cuddle someone. Seungmin is positioned on the floor, his legs crossed under the coffee table as he picks away at what little snacks remained in the bowls Jisung had laid out earlier. And you were lazily stretched out across the sofa, your head in Jisung's lap. Since Jisung was the one that dragged you out of bed, he was going to have to put up with your grumpy state.

"What do we watch next?" Felix calls out as the end credits of the Elf roll across the screen. He casually scans the room for your responses, his arms wrapped loosely around Hyunjin's waist. 

"The Grinch?" Seungmin suggests before Hyunjin quickly follows up with A Charlie Brown Christmas.

You pout. All of those sound good but you’d be lying if you said you were in a particular mood for any of them. It almost crushed you to say that, as they had brought you so much joy in the past, but none of them seemed to cut it this year. 

A few seconds passes by and you decide to speak up, throwing in a suggestion of your own. 

"Are there any Christmas animes? Why don't we watch those instead of a movie?" 

A deafening silence fills the room at your suggestion. The boys exchange confused glances with each other, and you begin to wonder if you said something wrong. If there were Christmas cartoons, surely there’d be Christmas animes, right? But your thoughts are quickly cut short when you hear Jisung gasp rather loudly. 

"Oh, so NOW you want to get into anime?!" 

Your frown deepens and you hit Jisung's thigh with your fist. "Shut up, it was just a suggestion." 

Another silence hangs in the room and the other three boys watch you silently like hawks, as if they were ready to pounce on you at the next move you’d make. You hate how small you feel under their piercing stares, and you shuffle to the other side of the couch in hopes that they’d stop.

"This isn't because you miss a certain person, is it?” Jisung chirps in a teasing tone. He crawls over to your end of the couch, a grin pulling at his lips as he pokes at your cheek repeatedly. “Is that why you're all Scrooge McDuck?" 

You jerk your head away and shove his hand back, letting out a strangled groan. "Oh my god, Jeongin has nothing to do with this! and it’s Ebenezer Scrooge!" 

Jisung snorts, crossing his arms over his chest. "I never said Jeongin's name." 

"He got you there, just saying." Felix chimes in with a shrug. 

You huffed frustratedly, spluttering, "I– this– this isn't about Jeongin, and this isn't about Heeseung either. can we just move on from this already?" 

"You know it's okay to miss him, right?” Hyunjin says, his voice soft. “You’re not doing anything wrong." 

"I never said that!" you groan again, raising your voice slightly. "I can’t suggest an anime because you guys assume I miss someone? Can I not do anything without you guys thinking it’s about a boy?!”

"Well, you never even mentioned anime once until now,” Seungmin points out, “the only reason you would is because of Jeongin—”

“It’s not about Jeongin!” you snap, burying your face in your hands in defeat. “God, I hate men.”

A chorus of offended ‘hey’s echo throughout the room which causes your eyes to roll. 

"After all this time? after all these years, sugarplum?" Jisung gasps, his hand over his heart in feigned offense. 

"Oh my god, you know what's not what I mean, Jisung," you huff, grabbing your phone from the coffee table as you stand up. "I'm going to get us more snacks, I hate this." 

You carry yourself to the kitchen and from behind you, you hear Jisung call out, "But you haven't taken the bowls with you!”

Without turning back, you make a face to yourself. "I'll just get new ones," you respond blankly.

The kitchen was a break you so desperately needed. While you could still hear the boys chatting in the living room, it was just muffled enough to keep your mind at ease. you thought you could get away with Jisung not mentioning Jeongin, but maybe you had put too much faith in him. 

You didn't mean it, really, but sometimes it got to be a lot. 

You unlock your phone and staring back at you is a photo you knew you should have changed earlier, but something inside of you just couldn't bring yourself to do it. 

It was an old selfie of you and Jeongin, one you had to beg him to take in the first place a few years prior. You both had your large winter coats on and his arm hung loosely around your shoulders as you both grinned into the camera. In the picture, you had a light blush on your cheeks—presumably from the cold—but deep down you knew otherwise. 

You brought up his contact. This photo was one where he isn't looking at you, but he’s still holding up a peace sign. Just the look of it and the memory of that day flashes in your mind, making you chuckle. 

Clicking on the text conversation, you're met with the last text you had sent him months and months ago, the small seen tick making you frown. 

I miss you... you type out the words slowly. Your thumb hovered over the send key, but you can’t bring yourself to press down.

The glassy feeling in your eyes appears and you blink the tears away rapidly as you let your finger fall on the backspace key, completely erasing the message before you lock your phone once more. 

What you didn't know was in his dorm room, bundled up in blankets like a burrito was Jeongin as he hopelessly scrolled through his phone. he had stumbled across a photo of Christmas lights that reminded him of you, and it took every ounce of his being to stop himself from sending it to you, finding himself scrolling through your message history instead. How could he text you so casually after what he did? Afterjust leaving like that without so much as a proper goodbye?

He watches your typing symbol come up at the bottom, only to have it disappear moments later—leaving him just as despair-ridden as you.

21.

You lost track of how long you had been cuddling against Yeonjun’s chest as Die Hard played on the tv. You had wanted a Christmas film, an actual Christmas film, however, Yeonjun was adamant that this did, in fact, count, as it happened around Christmas day. 

You gaze up at Yeonjun, your eyes lingering on his own. You smile at how much focus he has on the movie, to the point where he’s hardly blinking. 

You originally knew Yeonjun from your neighborhood, which kind of makes things go full circle for you in a way. Him being an older kid, though, meant that you never had a reason to know him personally or even have a chance to talk to him. He stuck with his group, and you stuck with yours. 

But in a weird twist of fate, you met again when you got a part-time job at a small family restaurant just off of your university campus. After a few awkward conversations and some catching up, you both seemed to warm up to each other and Yeonjun soon asked you out on a date… you happily said yes.

Yeonjun is amazing. He's patient with you, smiles at you like you light up the whole sky, looks after you when you feel ill, he takes you on adventures at midnight for snacks just because you mentioned you were hungry. 

He’s, on paper, your dream guy. Handsome, understanding, open and caring. You like him, you really do. Yet, it always feels like something's missing—but you can never put your finger on what.

The end credits of Die Hard roll across the screen, causing you to lift your weight from off of Yeonjun and stretch your arms out around you. 

“I should get home,” you yawn, causing Yeonjun to pout slightly. 

He reaches out to grab your hand as he whines. “Do you have to?” 

You match his pout, nodding your head slowly. “Yeah, I should get back before it snows.” 

“You don’t have to,” Yeonjun muses, and you watch the corners of his mouth twitch into a hopeful smile. “You could… stay over for Christmas? What do you think?”

Your breath hitches at his words, stiffening like a board as you stare at him with wide eyes.

“Stay… over for Christmas?”

He seems to notice the hesitation in your voice, and he begins to rub gentle circles with his thumb on the back of your hand.

“Think about it,” Yeonjun continues, “waking up together on Christmas day? It would be so cute!” he grins. You could practically see the tiny hearts floating about his head. 

Stay over for Christmas. He doesn't know about it, but the whole sentence makes you feel uneasy. The implications and everything they bring with them—not to mention all the memories they invoke—are too much for you to handle at that moment. Not that you’d be the first to admit it

“I— I shouldn’t,” you start, your heart hurting as Yeonjun’s lips twist into a frown. “Baby, Soobin’s here and I don’t want to make things awkward for you by intruding.” 

Yeonjun sits up suddenly, his fingers linking with your own. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind, plus he enjoys your company. Not as much as I do, obviously,” Yeonjun cheekily grins at his words, sending a wink your way.

You huff a laugh. “Regardless,” you say with a roll of your eyes, “I... I don’t think I feel comfortable staying here yet.” Your own frown seems to match his. “So I'd rather get back before it starts snowing.” Your shoulders drop and you focus on his fingers that are busy playing with your own. “I’m sorry.” 

One of Yeonjun’s hands moves from your fingers and delicately slides against your cheek, guiding your head so you’re looking up at him. Whilst you can see hints of sadness behind his eyes, his smile is one of comfort and understanding.

“Don’t be silly.” His smile grows. “I like you and we can go as slow or quick as you want.” His hand moves from your cheek as he lightly brushes your hair out of your face. “Don’t be scared to tell me, we’ll work through it together.” 

Your heart swells at his words and you lean into his touch, placing a small kiss on his palm. “You’re too sweet to me,” you mumble. 

He disagrees. “No, it’s just the decent thing everyone should do, They're your boundaries, I’m not going to be an idiot and push them.” 

“How did I find you?” You wonder aloud. His cheeks tint red and his smile somehow grows even wider than before. 

“No, no, how did I find you?” 

Your foreheads lean against one another, and you can feel his breath ever-so-slightly tickle your skin. 

“Can you guys stop being disgusting now?” a voice huffs from behind you two.

You and Yeonjun jump apart from each other and you turn to see his roommate, Soobin, standing with a scowl plastered on his face, an empty cereal bowl in hand. 

Yeonjun grumbles to himself, muttering ‘You're just jealous,’ as he grabs your hand, guiding you past Soobin and towards his dorm room door. At the same time, you quickly call out a goodbye to Soobin and Yeonjun sighs sadly when you both stop at his door. 

He pulls you close and you can feel his body heat seeping into you. It almost, almost, makes you want to stay, as you would rather be in the warm arms of your boyfriend than face the ten-minute walk home in the cold.

“Text me when you get home?” Yeonjun asks into your shoulder and you hum in response. 

“I will." 

Before you pull away completely, Yeonjun places a light kiss onto the side of your lips, leaving you open to steal one right back. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” this time Yeonjun is the one to hum. A small smile plays at his lips. “I love you.” 

You still for a moment at his words. You should say them back—you know you should—but you just can’t. They’re on the tip of your tongue and yet you fall silent instead. You settle for stealing another kiss from him and reaffirming your words from earlier, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You can tell his smile is dripping in sadness, but you're unable to bring yourself to utter the words he so desperately wants to hear back from you. You look back and wave for a final time before you exit the hallway that leads you to the elevators and out of the building. 

When you finally make your way outside, you take a deep breath; it feels almost like a huge weight has been lifted from your shoulders. The pressure of staying over with Yeonjun is gone. But now in its place is another burden you’re not ready to think about. It had started creeping into the back of your mind the moment he said those words—a reminder of times gone by. Of another boy with dark hair and eyes that sparkled and those same, fateful words.

As you walk home, you shake your head, trying to push back the tears already threatening to cloud your vision. You’ve spent too long shoving down and ignoring those feelings just to ruin everything now by bringing them back up. You aren’t ready to think about it now and, as you look up at the clear, cloudless sky, you’re not sure if you ever will be.

It did not snow that winter. Not a single flake fell from the sky. 

22.

After years of not going to the neighborhood Christmas party, it feels weird to be back.

The party happens to be at Yeonjun’s family’s house this year, and once Yeonjun found this out, he jumped at the chance to introduce you to his family. You couldn’t help but smile at the hope swirling in his eyes that day as he gushed about how much they’ll love you.

But being the sweetheart that he is, he definitely noticed the doubt swimming in your eyes. He tried his best to reassure you, telling you how sweet his family is and how excited they are to finally meet you. 

That’s what wins you over, and now you’re here. The feeling of being home, or, at least, a few houses away from it, brings a warm feeling to your chest. To be able to spend it with your lovely boyfriend only deepens the feeling.

In a weird way, though, you notice bits and bits, just minor details that others seem to gloss over, that only tug at your heartstrings. From the movie playing on the flatscreen, to the gingerbread house tha’s about to be devoured by a wide-eyed seven-year-old, it brings this feeling of nostalgia that you can’t quite shake off. The more the night goes on, the more it seems to eat at you.

If you didn’t already think this was some weird full circle moment of sorts, you definitely do now.

Everywhere you look, all you seem to get is mirages of past times. Faint traces of Jeongin linger in the crevices of your mind. Even if it had been two years since you last saw him, he stuck to your memories like glue. 

You tried your best to push those memories to the side—to push the ick you felt every time something that reminded you of those moments away, even if it did send a chill down your spine. 

But Yeonjun just had to utter those words. “Want to stay over for Christmas?” 

It made you physically pause, the words processing in your mind. Ten years worth of memories surf through your mind at lightning speed. The slight word change gives you the worst feeling in your stomach you have ever felt—it was like a huge pit of emotions had opened up inside of you. 

You take a breath and exhale it slowly. “Do you mean stay for Christmas?” 

“Stay for Christmas, stay over for Christmas,” Yeonjun sighs, “same thing.” 

“It’s different,” is all you can mumble in response. 

Yeonjun groans, leaning his weight onto his hands that are placed on the counter sides. 

“One word difference.” 

You snap to face him, a stern look making an appearance on your face. Your voice dripping with irritation, you say, “But there’s still a difference.” 

You can cut the sudden tension that arises with a knife and it’s like that is exactly what Yeonjun chooses to do. He stands straight, turning to you, and you can see how tense his jaw is—like he’s been holding everything in, and how it’s now about to burst open at the seams. 

“We’ve been together for over a year and you still can’t even stay over. And when I offer to spend Christmas with you because I know it’s your favorite time of year, you fight me on it.” Yeonjun runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “Is it because I’m the one that’s asking?” 

“What?” you gasp, shaking your head. “It’s just, it’s stay for Christmas. Not stay over, not stay with, it’s stay for Christmas.”  

Yeonjun squeezes his eyes shut, hand still in his hair. All you can do is stare at him, waiting for what he says next. Once he does open his eyes, you can see the fogginess as in them, and when he speaks again, you feel like you’re being torn in two.

“But I’m not Jeongin, I can’t ask in the way he would.” 

You open your mouth to speak, shocked at his words, but nothing comes out. 

“What does Jeongin have to do with this?” You question. “I like you because you’re you, Yeonjun, not because you’re someone else.” 

You both stand there, staring at each other and you can’t help but feel like neither of your words are sinking in. Like they were falling onto deaf ears. 

“Well what about the snow?” Yeonjun suddenly asks. Had he been spending too much time with Jisung? 

“Yeonjun, baby, it’s just the weather,” you look at him with soft eyes, but all it seems to do is break him more.

With a hiccup, he tries to keep his tears at bay, “Then how come it never happens when we’re together?” 

You have to look away from him, not because you don’t care, but because if you look at him any longer, tears would spill from your own eyes. It would only just make everything harder than it already is.

Yeonjun’s sniffles fill your ears and from the corner of your eye, you can see him wipe his tears away. Even when he takes a few steps towards you and takes one of your hands in his, you’re still unable to look at him in fear of breaking. 

“I’ll walk you home,” he whispers gently. 

You gaze at the floor and nod your head, squeezing the hand that held yours. He squeezes it right back in a silent understanding. It’s like you hear both of your hearts cracking like glass in the silence, but it was unlike any type of heartbreak you had ever felt before… 

It can’t compare to the heartbreak you had with Heeseung, or even the heartbreak you felt when Jeongin left. This is its own brand of heartbreak, one that would last and one that would carve itself into your heart, a cruel reminder that will follow you for all time.

The walk back to your apartment is a quiet one. Your fingers stay linked with Yeonjun’s, and every now and then, you’d squeeze each other’s hands to remind yourself of the moment—of the feeling of your hands entwined with each other. 

When you’re outside of your door, it’s bittersweet and it’s heartbreaking. And when Yeonjun reluctantly draws his hand away from yours, you want everything to chase after it with your own. 

This is when you finally look up at him. 

His eyes are red and fresh tears have prickled up in his eyes as soon as they meet yours. As soon as you see his tears, your eyes quickly well up to match his. 

“We should,” he hiccups. “We should take some time apart.” 

You squeeze your eyes shut, sniffling away the sob that crawls up your throat. You feel Yeonjun’s light kiss on your cheek, and that sob defies you, escaping your lips. 

When Yeonjun pulls away, he speaks softly, as if speaking any louder would break him completely. “We’re on different pages and we both deserve people who aren’t.”

His lips linger on your cheek, like a silent plea begging you not to let him move away, but to pull him closer. To tell him that you both could make whatever it is you called a relationship work. 

But you don’t, and he soon pulls away, the warmth of his lips is quickly replaced with a damp, cold breeze. 

You regret opening your eyes when you do because you’re met with Yeonjun’s own tears rolling down his face. With no attempt to stop them, Yeonjun hiccups and looks away from you. 

“I’ll see you around, Y/N,” his voice strains. 

As he walks away, you open your mouth to yell out for him, but nothing comes out when you try. You just watch as he slowly disappears down the hallway, his shoulders hunched, shuddering slightly every time a quiet sob escapes him. 

You can’t tell if you’re lucky or not when you enter the apartment and realize that Jisung isn’t home. On one hand, you wouldn’t have to cry in front of him—on the other, you really don’t want to cry on your own. 

You trudge your way to your room, a numbness overtaking your body. You crave the warmth of your blankets and can’t wait to let them hold you in comfort as you cry for the rest of the night. 

When your blankets are secured around you and long after the tears have dried out, you sit there in self pity. Your phone is staring up at you, and you somehow find your way to your camera roll. An album of photos of you and Yeonjun sits right by your recents, and you’re hesitant to click on it. But you do, and the collection of photos from the past year and a half makes your heart wrench all over again.

You wish the relationship didn’t end this way as badly as he did, if not more. Yeonjun was perfect in every way—sweet, understanding, patient—yet, somehow, it still wasn’t enough to keep you two together.

“But I’m not Jeongin.” His words echo in your mind as you swipe through all of your selfies with him. He’s right: he’s not Jeongin. But that shouldn’t have mattered… right?

“I can’t ask in the way he would.”  He can’t.

Or can he?

If he had not flubbed the iconic line, not even with the slightest one-word difference… would you be where you are right now?

You let your phone drop onto the mattress as you ponder. Burrowing yourself further into your blankets, you try to imagine Yeonjun saying the line correctly this time. ‘Stay for Christmas?’ he’d chirp, hope lighting up his beautiful brown eyes. ‘Stay for Christmas?’ he’d pipe, a pure smile pulling his soft lips upward.

But it doesn’t feel right.

No matter how you try to picture it, there’s something about those words leaving Yeonjun’s mouth that makes your stomach twist. As hard of a time as you gave him about getting the phrase wrong, imagining him getting it right almost feels worse.

Maybe he can’t pull it off like Jeongin can. Maybe he was missing the awkward little beat Jeongin always carried when he uttered those three little words. Maybe he lacked the sheepish glow Jeongin always seemed to have creep up his cheeks when he said it, regardless of how coolly he tried to pull it off. Don’t forget the way he’d stupidly wiggle his eyebrows at you, and the faint little giggle that followed as he scrunched up his nose in embarrassment.

It’s a charm you truly believe only Jeongin could pull off.

But it shouldn’t have mattered that much. Jeongin wasn’t your boyfriend—Yeonjun was. And it’s not like Yeonjun didn’t have his own charm to him. His was more classic romantic, per se—always showing up at your doorstep with roses and a sweet smile, surprising you with dinner, taking you out for midnight drives while you blast both of your favorite songs. He’s a true Romeo, a type of lover that only exists in the movies.

“But I’m not Jeongin.”

You can’t stop Yeonjun’s gut-wrenching words from haunting your mind. It’s like the toll of a bell, its low tone ringing in every corner of your skull, shaking every crevice of your brain. Really, it shouldn’t bother you this much. 

For starters, Jeongin is no Romeo. You’ve witnessed him try to be one firsthand—multiple times, actually. The keyword here is ‘try’.

There really were no suave, overly romantic elements to Jeongin, like there were for guys in the movies. He doesn’t need big gestures like flower bouquets bigger than your head to show that he cares. It’s all in the details, the smaller things he did, how he knew you nearly better than you did yourself. Taking you to see the lights all those years ago meant more to you than any grand movie gesture ever could have. Ultimately, he doesn’t need anything else because he is enough as it is. It’s a thought that slowly crept in over time and you never even noticed until it hit you like a brick. He’s not picture-perfect, but that’s not who you want him to be.

He’s just… Jeongin. 

A part of you wants to admit it, but maybe, just maybe, he and stay for Christmas were what pushed your love for Christmas and the winter season more. But now that he isn’t here, that’s why it isn’t the same. 

Because is there really a Christmas without Stay for Christmas?

The longer you stare at the folder, filled to the brim with photos of you and Yeonjun over the course of your relationship, the more unbearable it becomes. Your thumb hovers over the back button, soon letting fall against the screen. 

Scrolling away as far as you could from it, another folder that instantly causes a mountain of flashbacks appears. Giggling at the joke title you named the album, you stare at it for a moment. You aren’t sure when the last time you looked at this album was. 

As soon as you click on it, you’re hit with a wave of bittersweet nostalgia so hard, it almost hurts.

It’s a compilation of photos of you and Jeongin, dating back to when your parents handed you your first smartphone. You’re able to scroll so far back that you can find photos of Jeongin in that obnoxious purple sweater. Somehow, as you look at it in that moment, it doesn’t seem as obnoxious as it used to be… 

Maybe it had grown on you, like stay for Christmas had grown on Jeongin. 

And how pictures of Christmases before (and all-year-round photos) made your heart seem to swell in a way you hadn’t felt in a while. All the lights that grazed your presence when you were with him, all the longer-than-necessary hugs you two shared in the snow, even the thoughts, the memories of it, are like little static shocks sending metaphorical butterflies swarming around you. It plays at your chest like a flute and it makes you begin to wonder… if the thought of Yeonjun or actually being around Yeonjun, or even his touch, made you feel that way.

You’d think since Yeonjun is—was—your boyfriend, you wouldn’t have to think so hard for the answer. Yet here you are, comparing everything you felt with Jeongin to how you felt with Yeonjun over the past year. 

It opens up the box of feelings you’ve tried so hard to push away. This time though, there’s no stopping it as everything bubbles up and spills over. 

You continue looking through the photos of you and Jeongin, hardly noticing when the pictures start to blur slightly, fresh tears making their way down your cheeks. You missed him, you missed him so much it makes your chest hurt. There’s no denying that anymore, not that there was ever a point to it anyway. You missed everything about him, how he knew you like the back of his own hand to how effortless things had been between you two for so long. 

A teary smile makes its way onto your face, unable to stop the overwhelming warmth that tore through you as you gaze at one photo of you two. Jeongin had an arm slung over your shoulders, braces-covered smile beaming up at you from the screen. You had a grin to match, happy and effortless, without a care in the world. 

That’s how Jeongin had always made you feel, even during times when you had disagreements or fought over stupid things. At the end of the day, you always made your way back to him. Because ultimately, nobody else could make you feel the way he could—like you were safe, like you were home.

Eventually you ran out of photos to look through, and somehow you made your way to your messages, scrolling through and rereading old texts from Jeongin. 

i miss you… you type out, take a deep breath, and hit send.

Instantly, he responds, making your heart swirl treacherously. i miss you too.

A second later, another text appears from him, making one last wave of tears pool in your eyes. stay for christmas?

The timing truly couldn’t be any worse than this, but you can’t deny the real reason behind your outburst anymore. All the seemingly-random bursts of butterflies in your stomach when you were a teenager slowly start to make sense. All the times your heart would skip a beat whenever he looked at you a certain way, the telltale sense of warmth you felt when you were even around him; heck, the entire incident at the winter formal—it all adds up. 

There’s no denying who your heart yearns for anymore. And, if given the choice, there’s no denying which dark-haired boy you would live everything with all over again. No more running away, only running back to him—if only fate would let you.

wouldn’t miss it for the world.

23.

“Why so glum, chum?”

You barely move your head from where you’re curled up on the sofa to look at your roommate as he bounces into the living room. His overly energetic skips come to a halt right behind you and he looms his head above you, letting the corners of his mouth drag into an exaggerated pout.

You let out a slow breath and stare back at him with solemn eyes. The weather had dropped to the all-too-familiar December chill, rainbow lights adorned the city—heck, you’re watching A Charlie Brown Christmas for the third time in a row—but you can’t seem to will yourself into the Christmas spirit even if you tried. The reason seems pretty obvious to you.

For better or worse, the boy tapping his fingers on the back of the couch as he waits impatiently for your answer is one you’ve known for years. Over time, he’s morphed from the awkward older kid that ‘needs to take a couple babies under [his] wing’, to a sweet (when he wants to be)—dare you say, mature (again, when he wants to be)—older brother figure of sorts. If anyone knows why you’re so somber as you wallow in candy cane wrappers and your favorite ugly Christmas sweater, it should be him. 

“You know why,” you grumble.

You think that’s enough of an answer, but Jisung bends down to get a better look at you and attempts to pry more. 

“Hmm, do I?”

Another, more irritated huff leaves your parted lips as you turn to Lucy mercilessly grilling Charlie Brown, and you make damn sure your back is to your snoopy roommate.

Why do you even need to explain yourself to him? Jisung has literally had a front-row seat to the entire story since before he knew how to part his hair properly. He watched you slowly and hopelessly fall for your best friend before his very eyes since you were sixteen. He witnessed you delude yourself into a bottomless pit of denial for years, pushing yourself down so far that not even the most picture-perfect guy could pull you out.

Your life might as well be a sappy romance anime unfolding right in front of him, and Jisung knows every minute detail, every moment of development, every tear you shed for Jeongin like the back of his hand. He could whip up a play-by-play of your history with that boy faster than he can for the plot of Your Name—and he loves that movie.

But you guess as the older brother figure, it also means he has to annoy the living hell out of you for it. Not that he didn’t in the first place, but usually he’d, you know, comfort you when you’re upset. 

Waddling around the couch to plop next to you, with overdramatized puppy eyes boring into your soul, is not that comforting.

“Come onnn, Y/N,” Jisung sing-songs, poking at your cheek. “Talk to me.”

Your frown etches further downward. You don’t do anything to move his hand, though, and opt to just turn your head back to the Peanuts characters.

“Cheer up, sugarplum.” Jisung now squishes your cheeks in one hand like a doting mother. It earns a whine from you, and you finally slap his hand away.

“Jisung.” You sigh, keeping your eyes on the TV. “I’m really, really not in the mood for celebrating Christmas this year.”

It makes your heart ache to actually admit it out loud, but you’d be lying if you tried to say otherwise. Christmas will always be your favorite time of the year, but all the memories you carry with it hurt too much now. It’s all a gaping hole in your stomach that you can’t patch.

“I know, I know,” Jisung says simply, but a heart-shaped smile slowly forms as he speaks. You blink as you stare blankly at him—you don’t like that sparkle in his eye. 

That suspicious grin only widens as he utters his next words.

“That’s why we’re hosting a Christmas party next week.” 

Your heart stops for a second, and you stare at Jisung with wide eyes.

“We?!” 

You’re sure Jisung senses the aggravation in your voice. You already, and very blatantly, you may add, have made it clear that all you want for Christmas this year is to wallow in your blanket burrito and watch whatever cheesy film Hallmark was putting out. 

But of course, Jisung won’t let that happen. You know he means well, but you still wonder for a second why you agreed to move in with him once he graduated and came back home from college.

“You know this is my apartment, too, right?” you add. 

“I know, but just trust me!” He beams, and it only makes you scowl more. “Oh, wait…”

His phone flashes on, a notification popping up on his lockscreen, and whatever it is seems to elate his already excessively cheerful mood. You peer over his shoulder with curious eyes as his thumbs fly across the keyboard, but Jisung places a palm to your forehead and pushes your head away before you can get a glimpse.

“Nuh uh, that’s private!” He tuts, and you frown at him again. As he slides his phone back in his pocket, the cheesy smile returns to his face. Once again, you’re not a fan.

“I need you to trust me, okay?” he says. “It’ll be fun! It’s just gonna be you, me, and our closest friends. Promise.”

You’re still not super on board with the idea. Even a small hangout seems too much for you right now, and you can practically feel the flashbacks from the last few years haunting your mind as you think.

“I… I don’t know, Jisung.”

“If I give you hot chocolate right now, would that influence your decision?”

You watch as Jisung turns around, whipping out two to-go cups from right next to him. A small smile makes its way to your face as he hands you one.

“I’ll think about it,” you mumble, taking a sip of the warm drink.

The gesture is surprisingly enough to make you say ‘yes’ a few harrowing (for Jisung) hours later, and that’s how you find yourself at your and Jisung’s “Christmas Eve Eve Spectacular”. Why Christmas Eve Eve? Who knows, but you did hear Jisung mumble something about being able to go to your neighborhood party in peace. Weird, especially when he seems to know that it’s on Christmas Eve this year. 

Regardless, you think you did a good job of decorating the apartment for the occasion. Besides the small Christmas tree in the living room themed red and gold, you and Jisung had wrapped matching garlands above the curtains and hung wreaths on your bedroom doors. Your couch was adorned with throw pillows you had gotten on sale a week ago, and, because you didn’t have a fireplace, you opted to hang the stockings right above the TV instead. It’s very homey, yet screams young and broke at the same time.

The entertainment is even better. Something about Frosty The Snowman playing on the TV while a bunch of grown men yell at each other playing Twister just feels very college Friendsmas-esque to you. The best part? You’re in charge of the spinner. You can get your daily dose of Christmas cartoons without being trapped under a bunch of loud, sweaty guys.

“You’re cheating!” Hyunjin accuses Felix, slapping his hand from the yellow dot.

“It’s not my fault you don’t know what yellow means!” Felix yells back. He slams his hip into Hyunjin’s side and makes him topple over.

The taller boy gasps dramatically, pointing at Felix as he lies on the floor. “Now you really cheated, asshole!”

You snicker and shake your head at the boys’ shenanigans. You’ve nearly forgotten about the sour mood you were in just days ago; maybe giving in to Jisung’s incessant begging was the right decision.

Speaking of Jisung, he doesn’t seem too into the Twister game, and he’s usually one of the most competitive of the bunch. He was the first one out this round, claiming he “accidentally stumbled” on Seungmin’s hand as he “reached for the wrong dot”very early in the game. Weird.

From the corner of your eye, you can see him fervently checking his phone instead of watching the game, and sometimes, you’d catch a smug smile painting his face briefly before he quickly snaps back to a neutral facade. You’re tempted to snatch the boy’s phone from his hands and read whatever the hell is making him smirk so much.

After a moment, you focus back on the game. Seungmin and Felix are the only two left. Both are at the brink of collapsing, their entangled arms wobbling under them, and you’re placing bets with Hyunjin on who will fall first.

Felix’s arms give out first, after attempting to contort around himself and Seungmin as he stretches for a red dot. He groans out in pain, and you unceremoniously shove five dollars into Hyunjin’s hands as he revels in his victory.

“Thanks for the early present, Y/N,” he says, smiling cheesily.

You make a face akin to a grimace and roll your eyes. “Yeah, yeah.”

“I want a rematch!” Felix’s voice audibly cracks as he whines, lying in a starfish position on the floor. 

“Why did you try to go under and not over me?!” Seungmin remarks with an incredulous stare.

Hyunjin snickers. “That’s what she said.”

You smack him on the chest as the other boys groan. “Oh shut up, Hyunjin!” You hiss, shaking your head at the very mature joke. “We can do a rematch, though, but it’s up to you two,” you add, pointing two fingers at Felix and Seungmin.

Before you bend down to fix the bunched-up Twister mat, you turn to Hyunjin one more time. “And no more dirty jokes!”

The doorbell rings through the small apartment, making a look of puzzlement cross your face. You know you aren’t expecting anyone besides the boys that are already here, so you look to Jisung to see if he is. 

“Did you order takeout, Ji?”

Jisung shakes his head at you, but a small smile graces his lips. “Nope.”

You blink. “…Did you order a package?”

He chuckles lightly. “One could say that.”

The growing gleam in his eye makes you furrow your brow more. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

His small smile morphs into a Cheshire-like grin.

“Why don’t you get the door and find out?”

You stare at him with a twisted face as you slowly get up. You really, really don’t like that sparkle in his eye.

Your stomach jumps with uneasiness as you make your way to the door. Part of it was due to Jisung’s odd phrasing, but regardless, you’re almost terrified to find out what lies on the other side. You just cross your fingers and hope it’s a terrible gift at best that you can pretend to like.

Your hand shakes as you slowly twist the top lock open, then the bottom. Then you pull the door open, and you feel your heart rattle in your chest at the sight.

“…Jeongin?”

You feel like you’re dreaming as you stare at the boy in front of you. Jeongin has a comfy, dark purple sweater over a white hoodie—an actually decent shade of purple that’s pleasing to the eye. He runs a hand through his messy black hair as he smiles at you, letting out a deep but nervous chuckle when he realizes he’s just fluffed his hair up more. He’s grown it out since you last saw him, and his bangs perfectly frame his face, some strands falling in front of his eyes.

You feel the breath sucked out of your lungs. Not because he looks good (but you’re not denying that), or because you pick up a hint of sandalwood and amber lingering from him that nearly makes you dizzy—but because you feel all the memories from over the years flood in all at once. First come the good memories, and there’s tons of them. The several times you played hooky with him, the night he took you to see the glittering lights… the day you first met. It all brings a warm feeling to your chest, sending your heart fluttering as a light blush coats your cheeks.

But right after the good, you’re brought back down to earth with the bad. You’re fortunate that the bad is so little compared to the good, but the night before he left for college so suddenly is one you just can’t erase, no matter how hard you try. Memories of concerned glances and the surging feelings of regret and heartbreak make themselves known once again. Every moment of longing and the mixed feelings of wanting to reconnect with him, to be by his side again, causes your insides to twist in uncomfortable ways.

You can’t tell if you want to yell at him after leaving and not telling you himself, or if you want to run into his arms and never let him go.

Say something, Y/N, your mind screams at you as you remain frozen in place. But what are you supposed to say to someone so dear to your heart, that also happens to be the reason it’s ached for all these years?

You draw in another breath, and you stammer out the first thing that comes to mind.

“H-Hi.”

You mentally slap yourself. That’s all you have to say? You have been yearning for this moment for three years, and all you can come up with is ‘hi’?

Luckily, Jeongin seems to reciprocate, mumbling a “hey” back with an awkward wave, but you still want to kick yourself for your pitiful attempt at a greeting.

You turn around to see Jisung visibly deflate at the interaction. It’s clear now that he’s had this surprise planned for a while, and all his offhand murmurs from the past week about ‘getting the band back together’ are starting to make much more sense. 

He blinks, and in a moment’s notice, his frown is gone and he sweeps in to save the moment.

“Jeongin, come here, my honey sweet!”

You chuckle fondly as Jisung smothers Jeongin with bone-crushing hugs and excessive hair ruffles. It’s just like when you were all awkward tweens and teenagers in the school hallways, except Jisung wasn’t randomly popping up behind you two, and you were all considerably shorter. You forgot how much you missed that.

“We’re about to play another round of Twister,” Jisung chirps after a minute, his arms still securely around the younger. “But I think Hyunjin, Felix, and Seungmin all want to go against each other, so you can go next round.”

Hyunjin cocks a brow. “No, they just said everyone can joi—”

“No they didn’t, Hyunjin,” Jisung bites back through gritted teeth, and sends the blond a look that makes him cower back to the living room. 

Once Hyunjin leaves the room, Jisung turns to a confused Jeongin. “Y/N’s spinning. You can keep her company, maybe catch up a bit while you’re at it?” he suggests.

Jeongin smiles lightly, but he’s shoved into the living room with you in tow before he can verbally respond.

You’re both unceremoniously pushed into your tacky Christmas pillows, and Jisung hands you the spinner. He even does the first spin for you, and sends you a wink as he moves to sit by the window.

You just blink, waiting for the arrow to come to a full stop. “Seungmin, left foot on blue,” you call when it does.

As Seungmin is stepping onto the end blue circle, you spin the spinner again, nibbling on your lip anxiously as you feel Jeongin’s body heat radiating onto you. It makes you want to squirm, and you try your best to keep your eyes on the spinner. 

“Felix, left hand, red.” 

Felix mumbles to himself, but you’re not sure what as you’re not really listening. Once he settles on a dot, you flick the spinner again. 

Jeongin clears his throat and fiddles with his fingers in his lap. “How have you been?” He attempts—keyword: attempts—to ask casually. 

You’re so focused on watching the spinner, all you do is hum in response. When the spinner slows and stops, you clear your own throat. “Jisung, right foot, green,” you call out, “and… alright,” you mumble afterward. “I’ve been alright, you?”

He watches you as you flick the plastic arrow again. “I’ve… I’ve been okay…”He trails off like he wants to say more, but he remains quiet. 

“Hyunjin, left hand, yellow.” 

You’re not sure how long you guys sit there silently for, but your insides feel like they’re trying to claw their way out of you. Maybe ten minutes of silence feels like ten hours, and you desperately pray for the game to end so you could do literally anything else.

If only your thirteen-year-old self could see you now. Maybe you were too dramatic that Christmas, because you are sure this just took the throne as The Most Awkward Conversation Of Your Life™. 

Out of nowhere, a loud gasp booms over Michael Bublé’s “Have A Holly Jolly Christmas”, the boys’ shouting, and whatever cartoon autoplayed after Frosty ended. Everyone’s heads snap to Jisung, who stares with sparkly eyes at the world outside.

You lean past Jeongin to get a glance. Light gray skies, slow-floating crystals, fluffy white blanket… it makes you break out into a grin. So does Jeongin, who smiles fondly as he pats your knee. The move makes you want to do backflips.

“Oh my god, snow!” Jisung cheers, already scurrying for the door. He mutters something about it being ‘just what he needed’ as he zips past you and Jeongin, but quickly turns on his heel when he sees neither of you move a muscle.

“Um, hello?!” the older boy chastises you and Jeongin, tossing you your coats and hitting you both in the face. “It’s the first snow of winter, what are you doing?!” He claps his hands for emphasis, but not before he shoves a pair of mittens into both your hands. “You need. To see. The snow.”

You exchange a knowing look with Jeongin but follow Jisung’s hasty instructions. Neither of you seem to move as fast as he wants you to be, so he does the job for you by hurriedly, but carefully, pushing you both down the stairs and to the lobby.

Jeongin presses his lips into a thin line, stepping closer to you as Jisung dashes back up the stairs to get the rest of the group. You smile back politely, but say nothing else. 

You turn back to the stairs at the sound of Jisung’s voice bouncing off the walls. Whether he knows you two could hear him or not, you don’t think he cares, considering that he’s already yelling at the top of his lungs.

“SEE!” He motions around himself widely. “I TOLD YOU IT’D SNOW WHEN THEY WERE TOGETHER!” A dopey smile covers his face as he holds his hands up to his chest, like he himself had just miraculously fallen in love. “It’s like magic!” 

Judging from a quick glance behind you as you make your way toward the front doors, Hyunjin seems to fully indulge in Jisung’s antics, smiling brightly and hopping up and down as they bound down the stairs. Felix and Seungmin, who trail behind them, don’t seem nearly as amused.

“Jisung, bro,” Seungmin blinks, “It’s literally just the weather.” 

Jisung’s smile drops instantly and he glares at the brunet boy, pointing a finger at him. “No! You had to be there for everything, trust me! I’M NOT CRAZY, WATCH!” 

The listless look doesn’t drop from Seungmin’s face as he follows his overly chipper friend downstairs.

Jeongin snorts, lightly bumping his shoulder into your own. “He’s still on that?” 

You open the front door for the both of you, rolling your eyes. “He never stopped, seriously.” 

The cold air hits you instantly and you’re glad Jisung gave you your gloves to wear. You scan the area around you and the only other people in sight are a group of children across the street. The ever-growing white blanket in front of your apartment complex is all yours and Jeongin’s—anything’s free game.

Unfortunately, the delicate, white crystals fluttering down around you do nothing to help the tension looming between you both. It followed you out of your apartment like a dark storm cloud, and now it’s raining on your snowy parade. You hate it. But you don’t know how to get rid of it.

“Sooo…” you start, and just as quickly trail off. “What now?”

Jeongin just shrugs, watching a snowflake fall to the ground. 

You sigh, mostly to yourself. Looks like you’re going to have to take the lead. You begin to roll up a ball of snow, making it bigger and bigger in hopes of building a snowman.

The bigger and more round your snowman base gets, the more that the little rain cloud between you and Jeongin seems to shrink away. Even though you haven’t said a word to the boy and nearly forgotten he was even there, something about playing in the snow together in silence is… healing. It’s therapeutic in its own right, the soft crystals somehow bringing a feeling of warmth to your chest as you bring out your inner child.

Just as you’re finished with the top body part and you’re lifting it up ready to place, a sudden impact of cold, wet snow hits the back of your neck and begins to slither down your back. This results in you dropping the snowman’s body and you gasp as it breaks apart into heaps on the floor. 

Turning around, you pout as Jeongin looks at you with a cheeky smile playing at his lips. He looks away, whistling innocently and shoving his hands into his coat pockets. Your glare hardens and you quickly pick up the precious bit of used snow, squishing it into a ball before lobbing it in Jeongin’s direction, just barely missing his left arm. 

“You need to work on your aim,” Jeongin remarks cockily, and you scrabble another snowball in your hands. 

Throwing the haphazardly-made snowball in his direction, his laughter fills your ears and makes the butterflies in your stomach fly. You duck as his own snowball is about to hit you, and it just skims the back of your head. 

“This is war!” You glare at your best friend. “You made me mess up my snowman!” 

“Why focus on your snowman when you can focus on me?” Jeongin laughs, making your heart speed up again. 

You hide behind the pitiful remains of your snowman and hold your hands to your cheeks. Sure, you were in a war, but you couldn’t let him see that his words affected you. You could have blamed it on the cold, but would Jeongin really believe it?

“You can’t hide forever,” Jeongin sings, his voice getting nearer and nearer. 

Keeping a watchful eye over your shoulder, you attempt to make a bunch of snowballs as you try to will the color on your cheeks away. You try to calm your breathing, suppressing any giggles that threaten to come out as you grow your small pile of ammo.

As you scramble to prepare for whenever Jeongin plans to pelt you with snowballs, all your worries seem to melt away. Adrenaline rushes through your body as you hear Jeongin’s boots crunch in the snow, but you also feel a wave of calm wash over you. It’s just you, Jeongin, and the white blanket of snow surrounding you two. Just like when you were little.

You missed this.

A small giggle escapes your lips as you peer over your shoulder one more time. Jeongin doesn’t seem to be sneaking up on you—in fact, he’s nowhere in sight. You turn around and let out a sigh of relief. You’re safe.

Until you notice Jeongin towering over you, smirking deviously.

“Did you miss me?”

You let out a squeal, backing yourself against your crumbling snowman as you frantically chuck snowballs his way. He seems to be unfazed by it, only chuckling as the snowballs split into pieces as they hit his chest, and he steps closer to you. 

Soon, you’re resorting to flinging pathetic scoops of snow at him as you try to scoot back. You’re in a fit of giggles as he inches closer, your heartbeat quickening his pace as you chuck one more blob of snow to hopefully deter him. 

It strikes him square in the face.

Your jaw drops in surprise, and you can only watch as Jeongin wordlessly wipes the snow off his face. You search his face for any sign of hurt, fearing you might’ve gone too far, but you only find a mischievous glint in his eye.

Oh no.

You gulp as he drops to his knees and continues to close the gap between you, his smug smile growing wider. A nervous giggle escapes your lips as you watch for his next move, and you grab another handful of snow in your mitt to get ready to fight back—then you feel his fingers at your sides.

“Jeongin, stopppp~!” 

You’re unable to control your laughter as Jeongin mercilessly tickles you. Any attempts at pushing him away are quickly proved fruitless by a shove of his hand, and you’re left thrashing around helplessly as he continues to torture you. 

You’ve practically been thrown into the pillow of former-snowman behind you by the time Jeongin sits back and lets you go. Gasping for air, you let out another giggle as you watch him bend over, hands on the snow by either of your sides as he catches his breath as well.

The air around you falls silent as you stare up at him. You search his face again, your chest heaving up and down. You can’t find any more signs of incoming mischief, but you find his soft gaze staring back at you, and the rosy color pricking at his cheeks. You assume his blush is from the cold, but you know yours is from otherwise.

Another few seconds pass and Jeongin still hasn’t tormented you. A smirk slowly spreads across your face as an idea sparks on your mind. 

Before you can even think it through, you spring up, arms outstretched as you pounce in his direction. He has no time to react before you tackle him, fingers going to his sides as you tickle him and get your sweet revenge. 

“You asshole!” You shriek in between giggles.

It’s now Jeongin’s turn to try to shove your hands away as he scoots back, an endless stream of giggles escaping his mouth as well. Hearing his laughter ring in your ears makes you laugh more in turn as you shuffle after him. You both grapple around for a moment and eventually land on the ground, you on top of Jeongin, your legs all tangled together.

You tickle him for another second when you look up and pause. It’s then that you realize just how close your faces are to each other, and suddenly, you forget how to breathe. Everything goes still for a moment as you stare at him with wide eyes. One more movement and you’d be kissing him.

You pray that Jeongin doesn’t feel your heart hammering against your ribcage as you’re pressed up against him, but you can’t help but wonder if his heart is doing backflips in his own chest.

Unable to take the thoughts swirling inside your head anymore, you roll off of him and onto your back, looking up at the sky. Tiny snowflakes fall around you in a light, gentle flow, but a steady one—it almost feels reassuring. It’s like the universe is sending you a message, in its own special way, that everything will be alright. 

You take a deep breath and look over at the boy next to you. His eyelashes flutter against his cheeks as he blinks, wide eyes gazing up at the snow. A couple snowflakes seem to fall on his face and he scrunches up his nose as he giggles. A fond smile decorates your lips as you watch him, and you feel your heart quicken its pace once again.

Another moment passes and Jeongin turns his head to you. “What's wrong?” he asks, eyebrows furrowed slightly. 

You shake your head and start moving to stand up. “It’s nothing, just…” you trail off, unsure what to say next. You hold out a hand to help him to his feet as well. 

The two of you stand in silence for some time. You take a small step closer to him, and you can’t deny the way your heart swells in your chest as you take in the scene around you. The snow seems to dance around you two, swirling around gently as if the crystals are casting a gentle spotlight on you both. When your eyes land back on Jeongin, you note the snowflakes that dot his chestnut hair and perfectly complement his slightly messy curls. It’s adorably awkward, but he looks cozy, like… almost like home.

He turns his head to look at you and gives you a smile that sends warmth spreading through your whole body. There’s a gentleness to his gaze as his eyes meet yours, and the way he reaches over to move a strand of hair away from your face nearly makes you melt. A faint blush dusts his cheeks as he steps closer to you, closing the distance between you two, and you hope he doesn’t notice your already rosy cheeks glow a deeper red.

“Stay for Christmas?” he whispers.

There’s no helping the grin that grows on your face at the familiar words. 

“Just come here.”

You can hear the squeals of the children across the street (and Jisung from behind you), but you feel at peace as you lean up to wrap your arms around Jeongin’s neck. A small chuckle reverberates through you as you feel him snugly hug you back, and you tuck your head in his shoulder.

You still don’t believe the snow is the seasonal deity that Jisung swears by, but something about the way it gently cascades down feels like it’s wrapping you both in a warm blanket and reassuring you that you’re okay. That you’re home. As Jeongin gently rests his head against yours and sways the two of you back and forth, you realize that this was what you were missing the whole time; not only in your old neighborhood, but during the time Jeongin was away.

Turns out the magic you always felt during this time of year wasn’t just in the snow. It wasn’t just in the whimsicality of Christmas cartoons, or your utter fascination with the holiday lights, either. It’s the feeling of comfort that comes with it, the feeling of knowing that someone who cares about you will be there to do it all with you a thousand times over. That special feeling that only Jeongin has been able to give to you all these years, even if it’s awkward at times, even if you’ve consumed one too many cups of hot chocolate for his liking… the feeling of being home.

You realize that Jeongin is more than just your best friend and your longtime crush—he’s home. And if it takes a bit of snow to realize that, that’s magic enough for you.

24...

Christmas has changed a lot since the previous year with you and Jeongin officially being back at best friend status—not that he had ever left. But just knowing he’s finally home is enough to rekindle your affinity for the holidays that you’ve been lacking for the past few years. Now it’s finally here, and the fire inside you is burning brighter than ever. 

With it being a newfound tradition in the Y/Nsung household—funny enough, you actually coined the name—your apartment this year is once again the main headquarters for all things Christmas festivities. And this time, it’s on Christmas Eve. You thought it’d be fitting, considering your shared history with Jeongin over the date. Like last year, you took care to decorate the apartment to a T, pretty garlands and shades of red and green glistening all over the living area.

The party had very much been a success, with only a few disagreements (read: screaming matches) between Hyunjin and Felix about who was actually better at the chosen game, and who was, in fact, cheating. You suspected both of them cheated at some point, but decided staying silent was probably the better option. 

And after a hearty meal of Chinese take-out from the 24/7 open restaurant, the three boys, minus Jeongin, called it a night and headed out for the comforts of their warm beds. You could still hear Hyunjin and Felix arguing as they left, with a sulking Seungmin behind them, grumbling something about having to listen to them all the way back to their hotel. 

You close the door behind them and turn to your best friend. He’s standing rather close to you, making your heart speed up slightly. The small smile that covers his face leaves you feeling comforted, loved.

It’s crazy how much can happen in a year. The awkwardness you feared would persist after being apart for three years had melted away after Jeongin (and Jisung) surprised you with his return, after that impromptu snowball fight that set your heart alight. You two spent the following few days doing some much-need catching up, and now, you’re closer than ever. It was like he never left home. Or, rather, like you were finally home.

“I thought you would have gone with them,” you mention, your own smile playing at your lips. 

Jeongin shrugs, opening his arms out wide, indicating his need for a hug. “Just wanted to spend more time with you.” You giggle, shuffling into his arms. “Without all of the yelling,” he finishes his sentence as a mumble. 

“Yeah,” you sigh into his chest. “This is much nicer.” 

Maybe it’s weird to say that you feel something in the air shift. Or maybe it was the way Jeongin subtly changed his grip on you, but something seems different all of a sudden. 

“Are you okay?” Your voice comes out softer than you expected, but when Jeongin holds you tighter and just sighs, your suspicions become elevated. 

He lets his arms fall from you and he slips one hand into your own, leading you back into your living room. An uncomfortable silence sifts between you two.

“Jeonginnie?” you finally say after another moment.

“I need to talk to you about something.” He frowns, pulling you down so you’re sitting next to him. “It’s serious.” 

A frown of your own instantly takes its place on your face. Jeongin sits there, his gaze on your one hand in his lap, and he plays with your fingers in hopes of calming himself down. 

“And I need to tell you because I don’t want what happened before to repeat itself.” Jeongin explains. “I don’t want to go however many years to go by again because I didn’t tell you myself.” He continues, now looking at you. 

Eyebrows furrowed, you gaze at him. “Jeongin, what’s going on?” 

“I… I got a job offer…”

You’re about to open your mouth and congratulate him, then he finishes his sentence, finally looking you in the eye.

“…but it’s two cities away.” 

If Jeongin listened carefully enough, he could’ve heard your heart crack in your chest.

“Oh…” 

He nods his head solemnly. “My parents are flying out with me tomorrow night to go check out apartments.” His gaze falls back to your hand that’s on his lap, and his voice grows softer as he continues to explain. “We’ll be back by New Year’s, but… once we settle on a place and sign the lease…” 

“…You’ll be leaving again,” you quietly finish his sentence, your voice wavering at the end. He nods once more. 

It’s like you were nineteen all over again, but this time, you had Jeongin in front of you—almost softening the blow. All the emotions you felt after he had left the first rush back to the surface all at once, and you nearly feel like you’re drowning. 

But you stuff it all down. You shove it back in the crackling dam that is your heart, at least for the moment. You can let out your frustration with the world when Jeongin goes home. Not now.

Be strong, Y/N. 

“We can still text,” you begin, your voice filled with hope—at least, you pray that’s what comes across. “And call and FaceTime.” 

The sides of Jeongin’s lips turn up into a small smile. Slowly, he moves his hand so it’s wrapped in yours, entwining your fingers together and giving it a reassuring squeeze. 

“We will.” He looks up at you again. “I just wanted to be the one to tell you this time.” 

You squeeze his hand back. Your heart races. “I appreciate that.” 

A thick, heavy silence spreads across the room. You’re too focused on gazing into Jeongin’s eyes to care about the world outside of your little bubble with him. But your heart cries out, not wanting the moment to end. Not when this could be the last night you see Jeongin for a while.

You want to hold his hand and hold him in your arms and never let him go. But you know you can’t do that. Not when this job could be a big deal for him, not when it could change his whole life. 

So you let the warmth from his hand seep into yours. You let your head fall onto his shoulder. You let the butterflies fly in all directions at the sight, and feeling, of his sweet gaze on you. The one you’ll miss so dearly when he’s gone.

The one you’ll cherish for as long as you can.

“YAHOOOO!!”

A loud yell echoes throughout the apartment, causing your stares to break and Jeongin to drop your hand. With the yell coming from the only other known person in the apartment, you silently think of the ways you’d hurt Jisung in his sleep tonight for ruining the moment.

Soon, a trail of slamming doors and footsteps are heard, growing in frequency and volume as they get closer and closer to the living room. Then the living room door swings open and slams against the wall, Jisung’s hand stopping it from bouncing back and hitting him in the face whilst he prances into the room with the largest gummy smile you've ever seen. His cheeks are all pink and he looks like he could burst into happy tears at any moment.

“Guess what, my babies!” he sings, maybe a little too lively, “Looks like your guardian angel came to the rescue, Jeongin’s not leaving tomorrow!”

Blinking, you sit there, your lips twisting into a confused grimace as he dramatically wipes the corners of his eyes with his sleeve. You want to wholeheartedly believe your fanatical roommate. You wish so desperately for this to just be some bad dream you’re about to wake up from. But the way your heart continues to squeeze in your chest, even as Jisung skipped into the room so cheerfully, tells you all of this is real. The idea that a last-minute Christmas miracle is about to turn things around sounds too good to be true.

You’re about to interject and beg Jisung to explain, but he beats you to it, sensing the skepticism on your and Jeongin’s faces. “Look outside!” He feverishly points to the window. “You’ll see what I mean!”

Lifting your head off Jeongin’s shoulder, you exchange confused looks with the younger boy as you both get on your feet. He leads the way to the window by your front door, blindly reaching behind him for your hand and connecting your fingers when he finds it. You notice Jisung wiggling his eyebrows at you and almost let go to make him stop, but Jeongin lightly squeezes your hand before your fingers can slip away. 

Heat rises to your cheeks as you push the blinds to the side, and you hope Jeongin doesn’t glance your way and notice. Luckily, he’s too occupied with gaping at the scene outside. And so are you.

It is, in fact, snowing—and it’s snowing hard. Wind howls against your thin apartment walls as the icy flakes come pouring down, a thick, white fog blurring your view of the street below you. 

“Wow…” you mumble to yourself. In the fifteen or so years since you’ve moved, you’ve never witnessed a snowfall this hard. Let alone on the first snow of winter.

“It’s snowing like this all over the country,” Jisung remarks, showing the two of you the weather report on his phone. Jeongin scrolls through the list with one finger and, to his horror, the city where his new job is located is there. 

“You know what that means?” Jisung continues, a small smirk on his face. “No leaving, at least for a few days.”

You keep your gaze out the window, your spirits brightening at the news. As selfish as it was, you could barely control the surge of happiness bursting inside you at the thought of having Jeongin around for a little while longer. 

Maybe a Christmas miracle is possible.

You completely miss Jeongin’s loved-up stare as you look back at him, a concerned frown on your face. “What about your flight tomorrow?”

He shrugs, rubbing his thumb in circles on the back of your hand. “I’ll figure something out,” he mumbles.

He steps closer to you, and you swear you see sparkles in his eyes as he gazes into your own. You forget Jisung is there as the taller boy leans down until your noses are nearly touching. A small smile grazes his features as he whispers, a gentle but playful timbre to his voice:

“Stay for Christmas?” 

“I– um– uh–” you sputter at the sudden close contact, your eyes widening in surprise. You take a second to breathe and recompose yourself before you try again, sheepishly gesturing to the window, “I don’t think you have a choice.” 

You carefully watch Jeongin for his reaction. He seems to lean forward, inching his face even closer to yours, and you feel your breath get caught in your throat. 

The boy squeezes your hand and leans his forehead against yours, a shameless grin on his face as he flashes you a wink.

“Fine by me.”

You pray that he can’t hear your heart pounding in your chest, or that he doesn’t mention how red your cheeks are. You note the pink tint dusting his cheeks as he steps back, in case he decides to tease you for the latter. Despite your embarrassment, the shy giggle that slips out his mouth still makes you smile.

Jisung suddenly breaks the moment with a dreamy sigh, a hand flying over his heart. “And it’s all thanks to snow!” 

You roll your eyes dismissively. “How much longer are you going to keep on about this magic snow?” you ask, causing Jisung to snort. 

“As long as I want, Miss Tuxedo Effect.” 

You can practically hear the shit-eating grin on Jisung's face. You drop Jeongin’s hand as you snap your head to the older boy, throwing a scowl his way.

“‘Miss Tuxedo Effect?’” Jeongin questions, an eyebrow raised as he looks between the two of you. 

If your cheeks weren’t already as red as a tomato, they surely are now. “Don’t ask,” you grumble, swiftly heading to the kitchen to try and evade his prying. To your disdain, he follows you like a lost puppy.

“What’s he talking about?” he asks again. When Jisung, who’s treading behind you two in amusement, goes to open his mouth, you glare him into silence.

“It’s nothing.”

That seems to shut your overly curious best friend up long enough for you to pour yourself a glass of milk. The less Jeongin knew about the tuxedo effect incident, the better. You don’t need two boys torturing you about it, especially when the first one still refuses to let it go after eight years.

You watch him in silence as your drink heats up in the microwave, his eyebrows knitted together as he tries to search your and Jisung’s faces for answers. You maintain a poker face, but of course Jisung revels in Jeongin’s nosiness.

“Jeongin, think about it,” he hums, casually taking a bite of one of Felix’s cookies. You resist the urge to slap it out of his hand.

“Don’t,” you glower at him.

“How many times has she seen guys in tuxedos?” Jisung continues, his cheeks casually puffed up with food.

“Depends,” Jeongin looks to his friend and shuffles closer to you, “are we counting movies?”

Jisung snorts, nearly spitting out a chunk of chewed-up cookie. “Don’t include movies!” He covers his mouth with one hand as he gulps the bite down. “You’ll never narrow it down if you do!”

Your jaw drops in offense as the boys fill the kitchen with giggles. “Hey!”

An embarrassed flush creeps onto your cheeks again and you turn to pull your mug out of the microwave. You take a sip of the warm milk as you stew quietly, waiting for their laughs to die down. 

“Okay, okay, seriously,” Jisung pipes up after a moment, stifling another giggle. “If you just look at high school…” he glances at you, his mouth quivering into a teasing grin, “she’s only seen guys in tuxedos, like, three times.”

“It was more than three!” You exclaim defensively, placing your mug down before you list off… every single time you’ve seen a boy in a suit.

You can’t believe you’re having this conversation.

“There was junior prom,” you hold up a finger, “senior prom,” you hold up another finger. You hesitate, then add, “the one time I went to homecoming—”

“Hey, that homecoming one doesn’t count!” Jisung protests. “You volunteered for extra credit!”

You groan and throw your hands up in defeat. Okay, maybe it was only three times, but you’d rather do anything else than admit it..

“Then what else is there?!”

Jisung shoots you a challenging look, eyebrows raised as one corner of his mouth threatens to twitch into a smirk. Your exasperated look immediately drops. You know, Jisung knows… and a quick glance at Jeongin tells you he just figured it out.

“Don’t tell me it was the formal?” The taller boy watches you with wide eyes.

“Jeongin!” you whine.

He gasps, a hand slapping over his mouth as he leaps over to smother you. 

“It was!”

His name escapes you once again as you use his shoulder as a way to try and shield yourself from the embarrassment—and him seeing the bright red tint currently burning your cheeks. 

“You thought I was cute when I wore that oversized suit?” he chuckles, letting his arms go around you.

“Shit up,” you continue to whine. 

Jeongin’s deep chuckle basically vibrates through you, it makes the butterflies in your stomach scatter. Your ear tingles when you feel his hot breath brush against it.

“If it's any consolation, you looked really good, too.” 

You smack his chest and turn your head away from him in hopes of him not seeing your blush. It fails miserably. 

“Oh my god, you’re blushing so hard,” Jeongin coos, using his free hand to try and get you to face him again. “Look how cute,” he hums.

With his fingers on your chin, you shut your eyes tightly. There was no way you could look him in the eye and have a rational thought. Not now, not when he was being so open and—dare you say it—flirty with you. 

“You’re so annoying,” you mumble, your eyes still closed. 

On the contrary, you don’t know how much more your heart can take. You don’t even have to open your eyes to know Jeongin is still smirking his ass off. 

“You don’t mean that, right, Miss Tuxedo Effect?” 

Your eyes snap open, your jaw tightening in an attempt to glare at him. He did not just go there. But at this point, with this new cocky attitude, why did it even surprise you he’d stoop so low? 

“You—” Your mind lapses and you’re unable to finish your sentence. 

Jeongin tilts his head slightly, his smile still crooked. “You?” 

Maybe it’s by sheer luck on your part or utter stupidity on Jisung’s, but a small noise makes you both turn and look at the older boy, who has his phone held up at the two of you. 

click.

He backs away slowly, retreating to the living room door. “You'll thank me for these later.” 

Rolling your eyes, you stare at him. “Why? Because the magic snow told you so?” 

Jisung gasps, pointing at you with a glare. 

“It’s not magic snow, it’s fate and I’ve already proved it enough times!” He yaps on. Huffing, he crosses his arms over his chest and his eyes narrow at you. “By the way, Jeongin will have to sleep in your room.” 

You freeze at his statement and feel all the color drain your face. 

“Uh…” you gulp. “Why?” 

“Well you see,” Jisung starts. His eyes flutter around the room, unable to stay on you. “The… the pull-out is broken!” He snaps his fingers before pointing at you. “Yeah, yeah, last time Hyunjin was here, he totally ripped it to shreds, sugarplum.” 

You blink slowly. The last time Hyunjin was here was last month, and Jisung was using the pull-out last week just fine.

“It’s just so broken now,” the older boy continues on his tangent, making a tsk noise and shaking his head. “He said he’d replace it, but he hasn’t yet, so it looks like Jeongin is going to have to bunk with you.” Jisung tries to laugh as he shrugs his shoulders. 

“Uh…” you repeat. 

It’s not that you didn’t want to share your room, let alone your bed, with Jeongin. He’s been your best friend for fifteen years—if there’s any guy on the planet you are comfortable doing that with, it’s him. Not even Heeseung or Yeonjun reached that level with you.

But even though you and Jeongin are attached to the hip, you two were never this close. Especially not when your parents shut down every attempt to stay for Christmas growing up. Why didn’t they just let you two do it? Surely, if they did, this wouldn’t be making your palms sweat as much as they are right now. 

That wasn’t the only issue now, though. Not when he could be moving away any day now, if it weren’t for the blizzard outside. Not when it took you this long to realize what you would give for him to stay.

Not stay for Christmas. Just stay.

“I can sleep on the normal couch,” Jeongin suggests, breaking your train of thought. Jisung feverishly shakes his head. 

“No!” He yells, his eyes wide. “I mean, you can’t, it’s so uncomfortable, you’ll have a bad back. It’s better to share with Y/N!” 

Jeongin’s cocky attitude seems to dissolve in seconds. His smirk melts into a small sheepish smile, the tips of his ears turn pink, and he can barely look you in the eye. 

“Is that okay?” he asks in the smallest voice ever. 

It’s now or never, Y/N. 

“Sure,” you smile. “It’s fine.” 

Jeongin shuffles out of the room, leaving you to glare daggers at the boy who’s gone back to nonchalantly snacking on Felix’s leftover desserts.

“You are so full of shit,” you grumble, feeling the blood rush to your cheeks again.

Jisung just gives you a tilted smile mid-munch.

“Would it help if I said the snow told me to do it?”

You slam your hand on the kitchen island, throwing your head back in despair and frustration. “You’ve lost your mind.”

“I didn’t, the snow did!” Jisung yells after you as you stomp out of the kitchen.

As Jeongin hogs the bathroom and gets ready for bed, you replay your words over and over in your head as you pace back and forth in your room, creating a small draft. ‘It’s fine’?! Are you crazy?! It’s not fine. It’s not fine at all.

Why did you agree to let Jeongin sleep just centimeters away from you? Is it too late to back out and hide in Jisung’s room for the night? If anything, Jisung deserved it for a multitude of reasons, the primary one being his ongoing snow escapades. You don’t know why you didn’t try fighting back on that earlier.

Running a hand through your hair, you heave out a sigh and flick the lights off. You pull your duvet up and shuffle under the covers, bunching the blanket around your chest and letting your arms rest on top of it. A strange feeling swirls in your stomach as you stare up the ceiling, and you truly think about what you just signed up for.

After fourteen years, you’re finally getting that Christmas sleepover you and Jeongin have been joking about since you were ten. Well… the one you’ve been joking about since you were ten. Jeongin started it, then attempted to forget it existed for a while, then he started joking along with you. However, at some point… it didn’t feel like you were joking anymore.

You don’t remember when, specifically—if there even was a specific moment. You just remember that at some point, despite years and years of endless teasing on your part, you genuinely wanted this sleepover. With all the roadblocks you two had endured during your childhood and teen years, though, you thought it’d never happen. 

And now, here you are.

The soft click of the door opening causes you to look up. Light from the hallway floods into the room and Jeongin smiles warmly at you. His hair is fluffy and he still has a few drops of water on his forehead from washing his face. He smooths out his oversized black t-shirt a little as his eyes meet yours, then he looks down and dusts off his gray sweatpants. You can’t help but smile fondly at the sight. 

His smile fades into something more timid as he closes the door behind him and shuffles over to the bed. Before climbing into the covers, he looks at you, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Is this…” he hesitates, “Are you sure this is oka—”

You chuckle, gently cutting him off. “Just get in the bed, Jeongin.”

A bittersweet feeling cascades over you as he tucks himself under the covers. It’s really happening. Your first Christmas sleepover has finally officially begun, after fourteen years of waiting. Somewhere in the back of your mind, though, you’re plagued with a brutal reminder that this could also be your last Christmas together. Ever.

You feel Jeongin move around a bit, soon settling and facing you. You shift onto your side after a moment, smiling tightly at him before letting your gaze drift out your window.  Snow continues to surge down, and the wind rattles against the glass. If it weren’t for the dim glow of the streetlight outside, you wouldn’t be able to see a thing.

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” Jeongin mumbles after a beat. You don’t need more light to know he has a cocky grin on his face.

“I’m not even looking at you, dummy,” you scoff, pointing past his ear and out the window.

He turns his head around, following your finger. Once he lands his eyes on the window, his jaw drops slightly and nods in understanding. “I didn’t think it would snow this hard.”

His voice is soft but gentle, and it makes your heart skip a beat. You force out a chuckle in an attempt to ground yourself. “Should’ve known Jisung would’ve gone mad.”

Jeongin snorts, “He’s long gone, you know this.” He turns around again, the corners of his lips lifting up slightly. “But… at least I get to stay for Christmas.”

You can't help but smile back. “After all these years,” you muse.

“Yeah…”

A beat of silence. “Is this what you imagined it would be?” You ask, your voice quieter.

Jeongin purses his lips together, looking down for a second. “When I was ten? No.”

You both chuckle.

“I thought we’d be knocked out on the couch after eating too many cookies,” Jeongin continues before adding as an afterthought, “Well, after you ate too many cookies.”

You gasp in fake offense, lightly swatting at his chest. “Hey, you were just as bad!”

He scoffs, and another chuckle slips out. It’s like music to your ears.

Then another beat of silence.

“Was this what you imagined it would be?” He repeats your question back to you.

Your eyes meet his as you shake your head. ”No.”

It wasn’t… at least, not until you got older, but he didn’t need to know that.

Feeling some of the tension melt away, you and Jeongin continue to lie down next to each other in a comfortable silence. You aren’t sure how quickly you became accustomed to feeling his body heat seeping into you. In so little time, this image of Jeongin lying next to you, you want it burned inside your mind. The image of his hair so fluffy, you want to reach out and run your hands through it. The silhouette of him under the covers so cozy, you want to throw yourself into his arms.

How it had been a measly fifteen minutes, but this scenario with him… of you two being together… you want it forever.

“Are you okay?” Jeongin’s voice breaks the silence, as well as your train of thought.

You let out a sigh. “I… I guess.”

You can’t help but feel like this is some cruel twist of fate. That maybe the snow isn’t magical or special, but rather cruel and cunning—teasing you by giving you what you’ve always wanted, your stay for Christmas, only to rip it away from you so ruthlessly in a few days. 

All of the words you want to say, that you wish you could say, becomes a bitter pill in your mouth. It leads you to wonder if it was worth spitting it all out, or if you should swallow and shove it down instead. If anything you say in this moment, if you tore your chest open and bore your heart out for Jeongin to see… would it really change anything? 

You already know the answer, but it doesn’t mean you can’t try.

“I…” you start. “I don’t want you to leave.” 

While you were lost in thought, Jeongin had shifted himself so he was laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He exhales and you can practically see his breath in the air.

“Honestly?” he sighs. “I don’t either.” 

“Then…” you hesitate. “Then can’t you just stay…” your voice shakes. “…with me?”

It feels weird not asking that he stay for Christmas, but you have that covered right now. You know it won’t last forever if you’re not careful, though, so it’s pointless to try.

So it’s not stay for Christmas, for once in your life. Just stay. 

He rolls over onto his side so he’s facing you and he places his hand ever so near yours. “I wish I could. but hey, we’ll work it out.” He smiles reassuringly. “Just like you said, we can text, we can FaceTime, we can visit…” 

Pushing your lips into a thin line, you nod. “R-Right. Yeah.”

Gently, he grabs your hand in his, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. “We'll make it work. We’re…” He pauses. You can’t pinpoint what in his eyes changes in the dark. “We’re best friends for a reason, remember?”

You sigh. “I… I guess.”

But was there a reason? Sure, you may have asked him if he wanted to be your friend when you first moved to the neighborhood, but you didn’t plan any of this. Nine-year-old you just needed a friend to ease your mother’s worries—you had no way to know what fate had in store for you two when you did get that friend. 

Now Jeongin is way more than a friend to you. More than the awkward boy in an obnoxious purple sweater you met all those years ago. He's, to keep it short, home. And you don’t know if you can handle losing your way home a third time.

Maybe the reason was simply fate, because all of this—it just kind of happened. And now you’re stuck, unsure what to do next… or maybe you do.

You hesitate for one moment, then take a deep breath. 

“But it— it’s more than that.” 

You stare at your entwined hands, watching how Jeongin continues to caress the back of your hand with his thumb. Swallowing your nerves, you look up to catch his eyes.

Here goes nothing.

“Jeongin, I really don’t want this to mess up what we have, but I…” you pause. “I fell for you.” 

You attempt to gauge his reaction. You can’t read the look in his eyes, but somehow, it urges you to keep going.

“I’m sorry this is so sudden,” you start again, your voice shaky, “it’s just— you’re such an important part of my life, you always have been.” You feel your eyes prick with tears. “And even when you were gone, I always found myself wanting to run back to you.”

You pause again, softly biting down on your lip as you struggle to swallow down your pounding heart. You take one more deep breath.

“It’s… it’s always been you, Jeongin.” Your voice cracks, a small whimper escapes your lips. Your eyes continue to well as the floodgates open in your heart, and you look down before you completely break. “I-I can’t lose you again.”

You attempt to blink your tears away, but a few manage to slide down your cheek, seeping into your pillow. Shaking your head, your lower lip quivers, and you choke out a sob.

“Y/N…”

Jeongin slips his hand out of yours and you try your best to calm your breathing. He slowly moves his hand up, gently brushing away a few stray hairs that stick to your face, and you look up at him through glassy eyes. Your vision blurs, but you sense a feeling of longing, an almost-bittersweet swirl of warmth and affection radiating from Jeongin as he gazes down at you.

As he moves to cup your cheek, wiping away a tear with the pad of his thumb, the sound of your pounding heart rings in your ears. The sensation seems to fade into the background when he begins to speak.

“I fell for you, too. I… I have been for years, actually.”

Your breath hitches in your throat at his words. He smiles tenderly at you as you sniffle, wiping away another tear.

“It’s always been you, too, Y/N, and I hate that it took so long to realize it,” he breathes out after another moment. "If anyone should be apologizing here, it’s me.”

“Jeongin…” you mumble, but he shakes his head firmly. 

“I never should’ve left the first time without saying goodbye.” The boy sighs, remorse pooling in his eyes as they meet yours. “It— it hurt so much to think about, but leaving you like that hurt even more.” His gaze drifts down for a moment and he slips his free hand into yours, giving it a gentle squeeze. Smiling lightly, he looks back up at you, his regrets replaced with a newfound conviction. “I’m not letting that happen again.”

A new sensation overwhelms you: one of relief, of euphoria. It fills the empty gaps in your chest, and causes the butterflies in your stomach to take flight. It’s as if you had been stranded at sea for years and finally found land, as if you had one puzzle piece left before everything seamlessly clicked into place. For the first time in years, everything feels right. Jeongin’s gaze, so sugary sweet like honey, makes you crave more.

His smile widens, causing yours to do the same. “I guess we have one more reason we have to make this work, then, right?”

A small giggle escapes you so quickly that you can’t even catch it. Jeongin catches the few tears—tears of happiness this time–that slip from your eyes, before pulling you into his embrace, fully immersing you in his warmth. You hug him back tightly, tucking your head into his shoulder and never wanting to let go.

“I love you, Jeongin,” you whisper.

You feel Jeongin press a light kiss to the top of your head. When he pulls away, he reaches a hand up, gently cradling the back of your head as he brushes his nose against your hair. 

“I love you, too, Y/N.” 

This image of you and Jeongin… all snuggled up, warm and safe in each other’s arms throughout the night... this feels right. This feels like home.

You’re home.

...to 25. (epilogue)

The bitter air churns around you as you step out of Jisung’s car, and you immediately regret not wearing a larger coat instead of just your cardigan. However, before you can pull it closer to you, you feel Jeongin slide his hand into yours, entwining your fingers together. Sighing contentedly, you lean into his shoulder and gaze up at him.

“You okay, there?” He rubs his thumb over the back of your hand. “I know I look dashing, but still.”

You scoff lightly. “‘M just cold, Jeongin.”

Smiling, he turns his head to face you, his breath warm against your ear.

“Okay, but try not to fall too hard for me, Miss Tuxedo Effect.” 

Rolling your eyes, you use your free hand to hit his chest. “Shut up.” 

His chuckles are like heaven in your ears. You want to hear more of it, even if it’s at your own expense. And you knew he was never going to let you live “tuxedo effect” down. Just like Jisung and his “sugarplum” ordeal, this was just another nickname you’d have to put under your belt—not that you minded much, not when you got to hear Jeongin laugh in the way he does. 

Your attention gets brought back to him once you feel him squeeze your hand lightly. Your eyes linger on him and shift to the subtle light shining from your front porch. You notice how stiff he’s gotten, wide eyes staring blankly at your house like a deer in headlights.

“You okay?” you ask quietly, rubbing the back of his hand with your thumb. 

He sighs and hesitantly nods. “Just… nervous.”

You smile. Following the events from last Christmas Eve, Jeongin moved into his new apartment close to his job at the end of January. By the beginning of summer, he and Jisung helped get you a job closer to him so you could move in with your now-boyfriend.

Despite having an extra month together after Christmas, neither of you exactly… broke it to your parents that you two got together. You don’t remember if it just slipped your minds or if you two wanted to surprise them, but either way, they’ll find out in just a few moments. Given your history with the Christmas party and Christmas as a whole, you both agreed there’s no better place to break the news.

Getting up onto your tippy-toes, you place the lightest kiss onto his cheek, but pull away far too quickly in Jeongin’s opinion. “It’ll be okay.” You squeeze his hand. “I’m right next to you.” 

He glances at you, a smile playing at his lips. “Always?” 

You hum, nodding. “Always.” Then you give him a quick once-over and huff, a grimace twisting your mouth. “But do you really need to wear that?”

Jeongin looks down at his outfit, and his smile slowly grows more bashful as he fixes the tie of his tuxedo. Meanwhile, you’re left to painstakingly replay the events from five minutes ago in your mind.

The scene itself mirrored the one from when you were sixteen: Jisung in the driver’s seat, you in the passenger seat, and Jeongin trying desperately hard to get changed in the backseat, Mariah Carey taunting him from the speakers. Every now and then, Jisung tried to push his luck by jolting the car forward. 

It was all way too similar, except this time, there was no sneaking Jeongin out of the house. Also, there was really no need for an emergency tux this time around. Yet, somehow, Jisung still convinced him to put it on.

“I just want to make a good impression,” you hear Jeongin squeak out a moment later. You look back at him and he’s frantically smoothing out his suit jacket, and a light pink blush dusts his cheeks and the tips of his ears. You have to restrain yourself from smothering the boy with kisses at the sight. 

“Babe, you already have a good impression,” you chuckle adoringly, “you grew up here, remember?”

Your boyfriend gazes at you with wide eyes, uncertainty glazing his features. You step closer to him, taking his hand in yours again.

“It’ll be okay,” you repeat, allowing Jeongin to lace your fingers together. “And Jisung did not need to bring the suit with us.”

“But it’s an emergency tux, Y/N,” Jeongin says. “You have to keep it around you in case you need it, it’s in the name!”

“This isn’t even a fancy emergency!”

“But Jisung said it’s a romantic one! That counts!”

You let out a deep sigh, but you can’t be too mad at Jisung for trying to help. “Fine, fine.” You wait a moment then wonder aloud, “Speaking of, when do you think Jisung will get back?” 

Since Jisung still lives in town, he welcomed you both back to his apartment with open arms and, in true Jisung fashion, an excessive amount of babying. He had taken the liberty of not only driving two cities away to pick you two up (he claims he came for a job interview anyway—you don’t not believe him, but you think he also just missed you two), but also dropping you both off at your house before driving off to get coffee.

Jeongin shrugs. “Who knows? He does love his coffee.”

You chuckle fondly. “He’ll catch up later.”

Pulling Jeongin by the hand, you lead the way up the pavement and to the confines of your house. 

Even though it hadn’t been long since you were last here, you missed it dearly. You also missed the way your house was now adorned with Christmas lights. Every year, your dad always seemed to outdo himself with putting up better and better lights. You are sure he had been planning it since last year, that maybe he had already started on next year’s lights, too. 

When you walk through your front door, you’re met with the smell of cinnamon and sugar cookies. There’s light Christmas music in the air and everyone is scattered around, laughing, drinking, and having a merry time. Your mom and dad are nowhere to be seen—you assume they’re in the kitchen somewhere, checking on guests or snacks. You figure you’ll bump into them eventually.

You find countless familiar faces in the sea of people. You see old families that have lived in the neighborhood since before you moved here, families that you have come to view as part of your own. You spot the kids you grew up with; some who are freshly-turned teenagers, and others who have since grown up and started their own lives. You even see Yeonjun, sharing a drink with his girlfriend.

While it was awkward between you at first, you both came to terms with what you had and what you were. You two loved each other, but not in the way that the other wanted or needed. He was a memory, carved into you like stone, but a cherished one that you will hold deep in your heart.

Your eyes meet and you both smile instantly at the sight of each other. His eyes glance back at the boy beside you and you can see how he laughs, his smile growing wider. His eyes meet yours again, he nods his head and you nod yours. 

There’s no need for spoken words. You’re both happy, and you’re both happy the other is happy. Everything you two went through, from your journeys together to your journeys apart, has led you to this moment. 

Ultimate happiness. 

Jeongin pulls your attention back to him, leading you through small groups of people, and you turn back one final time to send Yeonjun a smile. When you look back around to see where Jeongin is guiding you, you see his mom sitting at the dining table, munching away on some snacks on a paper plate. 

She looks up with a bright smile; you’re sure it’s where Jeongin got his from. However, her smile soon melts into confusion at Jeongin’s peculiar outfit. Rising from her seat, she pulls her son into a hug. 

“Hey, sweeties,” she hums, pulling away from Jeongin after a second, keeping her hands on his shoulders as she looks down at his ‘emergency tux’. “Why are you wearing a tux? It’s just the Christmas party.” 

“I told you,” you mumble from beside him. 

He huffs, pulling and lossing the tie around his neck. “I just… it’s dumb.” 

“No, no,” you pout. “You look great, don’t worry about it.” 

Chuckling, Jeongin runs a hand through his hair, his eyes landing on you as he smiles. 

“Of course you’d say that, Miss Tuxedo Effect.” 

Rolling your eyes, you mutter to yourself as Mrs. Yang giggles. 

“Well, for whatever reason you’re wearing it,” Mrs. Yang pinches Jeongin’s cheek causing him to attempt to pull away. “You look very handsome, honey sweet.” 

“T-Thanks, Mom.” 

Pulling on Jeongin’s hand, you fish into your bag, pulling out a pair of black jeans and an almost-obnoxious shade of purple sweatshirt. Dubbing them an ‘emergency change of clothes’, you now know you were right to pack them. 

“You packed spare clothes?” Jeongin asks as you shove them in his hands. 

Humming, you nod your head. “Of course, I knew Jisung would try and fill your head with some foolish idea.” 

“It wasn’t…” You cut him off with a look. He doesn't finish his sentence. 

He puts the jeans over his arm, pulling the sweatshirt out to see. You almost fail to notice the way the tips of his ears, once again, turn pink as he smiles. 

“I thought you hated this color,” he laughs. 

Pushing him forward and in the direction of the stairs, you concede. “Eh, it grew on me. Now please change.” 

Jeongin continues to laugh as he struggles against you. “I’m going, I’m going!” 

When he comes down a mere five minutes later, the now-discarded tux in his hands, you can tell he’s far more comfortable than before. He leaves it on the couch and takes his place beside you once again, slipping his hand into yours. This time, you take the initiative to thread your fingers together.

A gasp leaves Mrs. Yang’s parted lips when she notes the way her son beams down at you. A warm glow seems to encircle him, and you can almost count the specks in his sparkly eyes when you look up. There’s nothing but affection swimming in his loved-up smile—just pure endearment for you.

“Did you two?” She watches you two with wide eyes. 

You and Jeongin suddenly look away from each other. Bashfully, you let your gaze fall to the floor, and you feel a tinge of red tickle your ears, but you don’t bother to let his hand go.

He doesn’t, either. He just squeezes your hand lightly as he nods, letting out a shy giggle.

Mrs. Yang gasps again, her hands flying over her mouth. Like mother, like son.

“You did!”

Without warning, she springs up from her chair. “Oh, I have to go find your father, now!” she gushes, pulling Jeongin into a bone-crushing hug. When she lets go of your startled boyfriend, she turns to you, squeezing you tight. “And your parents, too!”

You let out an embarrassed chuckle as you hug her back. When you both part, Mrs. Yang turns on her heel and scurries to the kitchen. 

Jeongin snaps his head towards you as his mother’s figure disappears into the crowd. His lips twitch up to an amused grin—it only grows wider when you match his expression. 

You shake your head to yourself, leaning your forehead against his shoulder. You feel Jeongin’s hand snake around your back, and you let out an exasperated sigh as he pulls you into his own hug.

“Parents, am I right?” he comments. His other arm hooks snugly around your waist, bringing you in closer. You shake your head into the crook of his neck as your own arms go around the boy.

“If that’s how your mom reacts, imagine what mine’s gonna do,” you mumble into his skin.

For better or worse, you’re quickly proven right.

“Ohhh, look how cute!”

You know exactly what happens next without even moving your head. Your mother, amidst her endless gushing about how she’s been “waiting for this day for years!”, scrambles to pull her phone out of her pocket, making a beeline straight for the camera app. Her mouth is probably gaping up and down like a fish, and she’s most definitely shuffling around the crowded space for the best angle. If your and Jeongin’s fathers were dragged along, they do nothing to stop her (not that they could to begin with, but still).

You don’t need to look up to know, and you don’t want to. You’d much rather her not see how red your face is, anyway.

“Okay, don’t move!” your mother orders. “One, two…”

“Mom!” you whine, burrowing yourself further into Jeongin’s sweater.

As your mother fulfills her need for pictures, Jeongin’s giggles ring in your ears. You try to focus on that to will your embarrassment away.

“Are you done yet, Mom?” you speak after a moment. A pout forms on your lips when she tuts.

“Uh uh, I need more!”

“You don’t have enough yet?!”

“There’s never enough photos!” A hearty, teasing laugh leaves her throat, chiming over the music for a second. “You know this, sugarplum.”

“Wait, so that’s why Jisung calls you ‘sugarplum’?!” Jeongin questions. He almost pulls back to get a better look at you, but you grip onto him tighter before he has the chance.

“Yes, and that’s my sugarplum!” Another familiar voice cries out.

Stepping back from Jeongin, you turn to see Jisung standing there with a childish frown on his face. He holds a take-out cup in one hand, and lets go of a girl’s hand to point at Jeongin with the other.

Wait… who’s the girl? You’ll have to get back to that.

“You’re her boyfriend, call her ‘baby’ or ‘boo-boo’ or something,” he adds, exaggerating his pout. “I claimed ‘sugarplum’ years ago!”

You roll your eyes. Technically, your mother claimed it first, but you know she’ll let Jisung go.

“Please don’t call me ‘boo-boo’,” you say, blankly staring up at Jeongin. Instead of responding, he reaches a hand up to pinch your cheek.

“Aww, is someone blushing?” he coos.

You push his hand away with a whine, earning a giggle from him and both of your moms. “Not you, too!” 

The girl next to Jisung leans over to him and whispers something in his ear. You aren’t sure what, but the boy responds to her with an “I told youuu,” a whimsical ring to his voice.

Jeongin glances at the girl, then at you, his face twisted in bewilderment. All you can respond with is a shrug.

“Ah,” Jisung pipes up, sensing your confusion, and he gestures to the brunette next to him. “This is Lia.”

She gives you all a small wave, quickly looking down and smoothing her maroon sweater with one hand. You all exchange greetings back, and Jisung continues, a sheepish smile on his face.

“We met during college, and, uh, I ran into her at the cafe just now.” The older boy scratches at the back of his neck, and a rosy glow rises to his cheeks. “She told me she just moved here, actually, and I figured I’d show her around… make her feel at home, you know?”

A warm smile paints your lips. You think of when you first moved here, how the community welcomed you and your family with open arms. Even if your grumpy nine-year-old self didn’t appreciate it, your twenty-five-year-old self couldn’t be more grateful. “You’re gonna love it here,” you say to Lia.

Lia smiles back, and she seems to relax at your words. “Thank you.”

“Oh, aaaand,” Jisung cuts in again after a moment. He tenderly takes Lia’s hand in his, sending her a bubbly, heart-eyed grin as he swings their hands between them.

“Do you really have to open with this?” Lia says softly.

“Yes, I do!” Jisung squeaks, his voice jumping higher than normal. “They’ll get it, trust me!”

He glances hopefully at you and Jeongin, his eyes wide and bright. The two of you exchange confused looks with each other. What could he be talking about?

A second later, it clicks. Why else would Jisung be hopping up and down so eagerly, about ready to jump out of his hoodie any minute now?

“Don’t tell me you met during—” you begin.

“During the first snow!” Jisung finishes your sentence in a singsong. He tapers off with a dreamy sigh, and his eyes seem to sparkle more when they land back on an embarrassed Lia.

“He just means the second time around,” she clarifies with an awkward cough. “The first time was during spring.”

Your first instinct is to roll your eyes at your friend’s ongoing infatuation with the snow, but a fond chuckle takes its place. You had stayed up many nights talking with Jisung when you lived with him, the two of you sprawled out like starfish on your kitchen floor as you shared thoughts about the future, the simultaneous excitement and uncertainty of it all. If there was one thing Jisung was firm on, it was his hope that he’d meet The One during the first snow of winter, that the twinkling little snowflakes would be his guiding star to his person.

“Love at first snow,” was what he called it, “…you know, like you and Jeongin.” As much as you found the phrase irritating at the time, you never bothered to correct him.

But of course, it’s one thing to have hopeless romantic fantasies, and another to have them come to life. It’s kind of endearing, maybe heartwarming in a weird little-sister-figure way, to observe Jisung’s increasingly lovestruck daze as he relives the recent memory—you can practically see the hearts dancing around his head. But that’s not the point right now.

So this is the girl Jisung always texted you about during college.

You recall countless conversations about how pretty and smart and sweet she was, and even more of him blowing up your phone at three in the morning for date ideas (“the more aesthetic, the better! :D”). Even though he successfully asked her out, he still never let it go that they never saw the first snow together before they broke up.

Despite her embarrassment, Lia seems to mirror Jisung’s loved-up smile. From what he told you, they parted ways on good terms—something about both of them graduating soon and having different mindsets, he said, but they both agreed to stay friends. But something tells you that, even after all this time, they’re still on the same page about the first snow… and maybe some other matters, too.

You can see it in their eyes: the feverish look that makes their irises shimmer as they gaze at each other, the almost-overwhelming amount of affection that swims in their pupils and makes the corners of their lips twist up. You recognize it all too well—it’s the exact same way you used to look at Jeongin. Every once in a while, you still catch yourself doing it.

It’s nothing but fate, at this point, when you notice faint white pellets of snow are still hitting the window in your peripheral. An overjoyed smile of your own quickly overtakes your features, and when you look up at Jeongin, it seems like he’s thinking the same thing as you.

With an infectious giggle, Jeongin grabs your hand, but you sharply turn to Jisung and Lia before he can pull you away. Your boyfriend's small whines fall on deaf ears, and he childishly tugs at your hand as you try to get the lovebirds’ attention.

“Hey, do you wanna go see the magic snow or not?” you call out, half-teasingly and half-genuinely.

In a snap, Jisung’s lovesick daze flips into a triumphant smile as he turns to you. “So you admit it’s magic?!”

You roll your eyes, giving Jeongin’s hand a quick squeeze to calm his impatience. “I needed to get your attention somehow,” you say, “but just this once, I’ll admit it.” 

The way your friend seems to light up like a Christmas tree is enough to make you give in. You do owe him for his stunt last year, after all—you’re more than happy to let him have this one.

“Now, do you want to go see the snow or not?” you ask after another moment, a small smile etched on your lips.

“Of course I want to see the snow!” Jisung chirps.

As he looks to Lia for her response, his puppy-love daze making a return, you allow yourself to take in your surroundings. The warmth teeming around you from the Christmas party is one that never gets old, no matter how many times you come, and no matter how long you’re gone. It brings a wave of peace to your heart, even as a couple of screaming children run a lap around you and your friends.

Your chipper boyfriend begins to pull you to the front door with him, making you lose your step for a second, and you find yourself meeting Yeonjun’s eyes from across the house one more time. Before you lose sight of him, you nod to the window several feet away from him, sending him a wink to him before you turn around. Even if you weren’t meant to be his love at first snow, the least you can do is make sure he got his.

By the time you look away, Jeongin has already pulled you both to the front door, Jisung and Lia already dressed and waiting for you two. Hastily, he throws on his coat before he scrambles through the pile of shoes by the doormat to find his own pair.

You’re about to do the same, then you realize…

“Right, I forgot my—”

“Your jacket?” Jisung calls out. Without another word, he digs into his backpack and tosses you the coat you left behind at his apartment earlier. You slip it on with a relieved smile, mouthing a ‘thank you’ before getting your shoes on and swinging the door open for all four of you.

Soft, puffy snowflakes dot the ground around you as you begin your stroll down the sidewalk. You hear Jisung and Lia’s musings behind you, but they fade into a quiet buzz as all the memories from your childhood flash before your eyes. The houses you pass by are ones you used to see everyday on the way home from school, and the sidewalks are ones you used to run around on during the weekends. You never would’ve thought you’d be back now, reliving it all with the people you love most.

It gets even better, though, when Jeongin nudges your shoulder, and points to a grassy area coming up ahead. You follow his finger and gasp, immediately recognizing the spot.

Reaching for his hand, you break into a sprint and pull the boy with you to the neighborhood park, the two of you almost tripping due to the slippery snow. The park is almost the exact same as it was when you first moved. Some parts had been upgraded over time, whereas others still seemed heavily used and loved by the younger children around the neighborhood.

Your eyes glaze around the small park and you could almost see a vision of nine-year-old you, standing near your mother as she pushes you to speak to the other children—to make some new friends. You could practically see nine-year-old Jeongin hanging upside-down from the monkey bars, adorned in that now less-obnoxious purple sweater. 

You wonder what nine-year-old you would think if she saw where you are now, with Jeongin’s hand wrapped tightly around your own. You wonder what she’d have to say about the way your cheeks tickled pink, not only from the cold, but also from the way Jeongin’s gaze lingered on you for a moment too long, and the way his lips tugged into a soft smile whenever you looked back at him.

Tugging lightly on Jeongin’s hand, you lead the both of you over towards the monkey bars, his whines falling on deaf ears as you drop his hand from your grasp to climb up the metal bars. Once you’re sat down in the most comfortable position you can, the cold metal sending shivers down your spine, you beckon Jeongin to join you. 

“Sit with me.” You smile down at him, one hand keeping you steady as the other makes grabby hands in Jeongin’s direction. 

Jeongin huffs. “But it’s so cold.” 

However, his words fall short when he still begrudgingly makes the small climb up. He lets his legs dangle through the holes, his knees knocking against your own lightly. 

A gust of cold air causes you to shiver and as a response, you pull your coat closer to you. This seems to make Jeongin chuckle fondly, and you feel his eyes linger on you for a second before he looks out at the horizon. The falling snowflakes glisten under the remnants of the sunlight, and the holiday lights emit a breathtaking glow. You’re both still not tall enough to see much above the houses in front of you, but that’s okay—you know what lies beyond it.

“You know, I never thought we’d be back here,” you mumble. A giggle escapes you as you watch the stars slowly make their appearance above you.

Jeongin has a giggle of his own as something on the monkey bars catches his eye. “I can’t believe it’s still here,” he continues to laugh, causing you to redirect your gaze. 

“What do you mean?” 

He runs his fingers lightly over the faded black ink scrawled across the top of the monkey bars. 

Y/N and Jeongin, 2010.

“No way,” you gasp, trying your best to lean over to see it better without falling. “I thought they replaced the park equipment years ago.” 

Looking up at you, Jeongin smiles. “Obviously not all of it.” 

He fishes around in his pocket for a second and before you can question anything, he pulls out a black marker pen and unclips the lid. 

“What are you–” 

Your sentence goes unfinished, however, when he leans over and adds a small section under his own nine-year-old handwriting. 

And forevermore.

Your heartstrings are played like a violin as you watch Jeongin cap the pen back up, a pleased smile etched on his lips. When he finally comes back to reality, noticing your gaze, he shrugs. 

“What?” he says. “Had to add it and make it official.” 

“We’ve been official for a year, I don’t think the monkey bars would mind.” 

Jeongin rolls his eyes, a chuckle escaping him. “What if some kids read it? Surely, they’ll love to know the story has a happy ending?” 

If you weren’t afraid of falling, you would have jumped on him, showering his face in the most kisses possible. However, for both his and your safety, you opt for words instead.

“I love you,” you breathe, beaming at him. You’ve never said anything more true in your life. 

His smile mirrors your own. “I love you too.” 

You look back at the sky as Jeongin shoves his pen and hands back in his pockets, the dopey grin on your face growing wider, if that was even possible. Another giggle escapes you when you feel a drop of snow hit your nose. This is everything to you—it’s ultimate happiness.

But there’s one thing missing.

“I can’t believe I forgot,” you say, your gaze falling back down. 

Raising an eyebrow, he looks at you in curiosity. “Yeah?” he responds, and you stare back with a cheeky smile.

“Stay for Christmas?”

Jeongin shakes his head, but his giggles still fill your ears, sending your heart into shockwaves of emotions, like the ripples after a stone hitting the water. The tips of his ears as well as his cheeks glow pink under the streetlight that has just flicked on. You can’t tell if it’s from the cold or from you, but you wish for it to be the latter. 

“You know you don’t have to say that anymore, right?” Jeongin asks, gazing at you with a look that makes it hard to catch a breath. 

“I know,” you exhale, “but it’s basically tradition now, it’s a must.”

“Well, tradition or not…” Jeongin begins. He slips his hand from out of his pocket to grab and entwine your fingers with his own. His heat seeps into you as he runs his thumb over the back of your hand. “…I’m here to stay.” 

He uses his other hand to tap lightly on the recently-added handwriting, his words echoing around in your ears. “Forevermore.” 

Your eyes are all soft and sparkly as you smile at him, giving his hand a squeeze before letting the air around you fall silent. A contented sigh escapes your parted lips, forming a faint puff in the cold air as you watch the fluffy, white crystals above you flutter down.

Jeongin started off as a mere stranger, nothing but the awkward boy in an ugly sweater. Sixteen years later, he’s sitting with you atop the same monkey bars upon which you two met as so much more. He’s your best friend, your childhood playmate, your built-in Mario Kart partner. He’s your teenage crush, your love at first snow, your stay for Christmas—and all that only you two know it entails.

Perhaps, most important of all, Jeongin is home. And as long as you have Jeongin, you’ll always know your way back.

[clavissionary-position]

my halloween post is

gil and chev, when they're kids, go trick-or-treating (read: gil emotionally blackmails chev into going trick-or-treating). they start with akatsuki first. akatsuki gives them kompeito. gilbert is hooked. twenty years later there is a jar of kompeito on gilbert's nightstand, behind the pitcher of water. there is also kompeito in the pitcher of water. that pitcher of water has never held anything else. when he needs water, walter has to parkour-naruto-run all the way.

i digress. kid gil is kind of bummed that akatsuki didn't let them play a trick on him, so he asks for a re-do and kid chev's like [eyeroll sounds]. akatsuki at this point in time still thinks gil is just an adorable, shrimpy little guy, so he agrees. gil, with his cheeks all puffy from all the kompeito in his mouth, says "trick-or-treat! give us a treat or you know what happens... right?" akatsuki laughs and says he's all out of treats because he gave them to an adorable shrimpy little guy. gil shuts his eye and nods sagely: "he must have been truly adorable then, but unfortunately for you..." gil gives chev the signal. chev is reading a book. this is his first time hearing anything about a so-called signal. but he understands immediately, sighs like a man who's lived a thousand years, and gives gil a boost up on his hands so gil can play a trick on akatsuki. once in position, gil tugs on one of akatsuki's kimono sleeves and suddenly a bunny rabbit jumps out. the rabbit hops onto chev's open book while he's mid-sentence. akatsuki laughs and jokes that he'll bill gil if he finds any rabbit droppings in his sleeves later. chev is low-key too charmed by the bunny to immediately make it leave, but ofc you couldn't tell by the annoyed scowl on his face.

now, akatsuki is just their first stop of the night, but akatsuki is concerned about letting them go around town by themselves at night. chev mentally scoffs at the notion that he needs a chaperone, but he agrees more so for gil's sake. gil ofc is super stoked to have another friend join in the fun! so the three of them set off and it basically looks like that one poster for the wizard of oz or winnie the pooh, except the only hand chev is holding is the bunny, who walks upright for the purposes of this documentary.

anyway, lots of fun halloween shenanigans happen. highlights include gil generously giving all of his hard-earned candy to a crying child because that's what cybird pays him to do; akatsuki katana-punching ghosts in a dark abandoned building that will one day become his bookstore; chev noticing rabbit droppings falling from one of akatsuki's sleeve and discretely cleaning it up without anyone noticing, somehow; and clavis seeing chev come back to the palace reeking of candy and feeling utterly betrayed because he had to stay home while he recovered from the flu (sorry clavis!)

happy halloween!

[landslided]

sorry same anon again just returning to briefly add that i think season 1 of cobra kai made me so insane and now i'm trapped in this loop because i see that i could be so good like it could be SO good and then i think okay well there's always samtory future cobrakai arc where sam has dropped out of college and worked dead ends jobs for years and has largely pushed her parents away out of self loathing and like tory meanwhile has found like incredible success and similarly in a situation where tory has to help sam but it compels me SO much in how it would be different than daniel and johnny where tory WOULD be SINCERE in trying to make amends etc and sam would be the more instigator/"daniel" role despite occupying the "johnny" position if that makes sense. anyway that is to say i think top two characters who narratively should have sex that aren't daniel and johnny in my opinion. also that the second most INSANE making thing the show has done that was SO good was tory winning because silver paid off the refs INSANE COMPELLING DEFINING moment of all time for samtory season 5 really dropped the ball on the execution of but INSANE set up INSANE choice for their dynamic SO rich. anyway. sorry my only friend i've managed to get into cobra kai is too busy writing deranged piano teacher aus to/with me so i have no outlet for samtory future cobra kai gay sex moment. hey does anyone else think women should be divorced bums in their forties who fuck raw. anyone else. anyo --

(hope it's okay i replied to your anon like this, i wanted to put all your thoughts on the same ask because i know tumblr just hates us and doesn't let us talk the way we want to in asks)

okay wait okay there is SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE just so much and i feel like it's christmas already

first thing first don't ever feel the need to apologize for sending me anons like this quite literally the best thing i've ever received in many years of being on this hellsite i feel a little bit like chewing glass with how excited i am.

i totally get what you mean about season 1 because it truly feels like they trap you inside this complicated story of violence, vengeance and expectations and then they just never truly pick it up again and you are left with the bits and pieces of this show that not only has so much wasted potential but that has now infected you and you get visions like the fucking youtube red premium cursed cassandra of what it could have been if they'd just committed to what they were selling.

but the. yes. yes, we could have future samtory, it's the thing holding our heads above the water because GOD anon, i feel like you've managed to read my unfinished stories and my drafts on here because i wrote at least ten posts about how i think sam has the same journey as johnny (rich kid who ruins herself through self-hatred and repression and just this insatiable need of not being her father, of not being larusso 2.0 even though she is very much daniel to the shape of her smile and the marrow of her bones), sam who runs away, sam who has to do so to try and find herself except she can't because she has gotten absolutely no tools to do so, she's shaped herself into this perfect glass ornament for her father to put on display because she LOVES him and he loves her too but nothing she has is her own and she cannot find a single thing in herself that doesn't feel like a lie or a performance once again.

and tory is not like this. tory is very much whole and unwaveringly herself even when it gets her in trouble. tory doesn't have to answer for any expectations, tory just has to survive and rise to the occasion in a way sam never had to. tory has this weight on her shoulders that she cannot shake off but in many ways, through love mostly, she picked that weight up and placed it there herself even if it wasn't fair and even if she didn't have much choice, but she makes conscious decisions that pretty much always put herself at risk but she does what she feels is right and good for herself and for the people she loves in the moment, meanwhile sam is carrying around this burden that was attached to her back long before she first even opened her eyes.

there is something to say about the tragedy of daniel, absolutetly unable to have friends, unable to form meaningful relationships with people he doesn't have a past with (louie is his cousin, anoush is his employee, johnny, chozen and mike are part of his past) and when he does, it's robby he chooses because he doesn't look for an equal or a friend, he looks for a way to reproduce his relationship with mr miyagi but in the opposite because that's when he felt at his safest, that's his ONLY relationship that has brought him nothing but love and understanding and when you add all that (which, like you, i do. i do see all of the show's forgetful little things as proof of daniel's forced repression after tkk3 i literally wrote a whole section about his loneliness in one of my fics but ANYWAY) when you do add all that and translate it to sam who has no friends. it's not even that she doesn't have girl friends, she doesn't and its crazy and it says SO much about her, but she doesn't have any friends who aren't something else at first. miguel is her ex, so is robby, demetri was her sort of student for a while and then a sort of colleague to which she applies a relationship that is more reminiscent of boss/employee than actual friends and she!!! doesn't!!! have friends!!! they took away aisha but even before that sam had almost purposefully fucked up her relationship with aisha to enter a circle of popular kids who were NOT her friends and were not close to her and did not care about her. sam keeps herself locked away from a lot of her peers and that is so very clearly in my head an imitation of what her father does that it becomes unconsciously her own behavior.

and worse than all that, she's fucked up! like genuinely fucked up! she keeps ruining her relationships and she doesn't know what she wants and she is angry and scared and mean when she wants to be and yet, there is such a true real kindness to her, a goodness that comes from her very core that she cannot keep from affecting all her decisions.

sam would grow up estranged from her family, unable to express these monstrous feelings she's kept locked away for song long and she would find tory again and feel this same pull. this same moment of oh, maybe you do get me, maybe you do understand what and who i am and that is totally unbearable because being known is being in danger and i don't know myself how dare you know me more than i do. and tory would be genuine in wanting to help sam, because tory, a kid who did so much to survive and who has now found success and comfort would want to help someone she feels like she might have impacted in her life, someone who deserves the same chance she got (and maybe it's to alleviate some of her guilt too but it's still true and it's still done with this undercurrent of honesty that taints everything tory touches)

i also totally agree that making silver pay for tory's win was a wonderful plot decision that they totally fucked up later on but just, ugh the exquisite bittersweet victory, the defeat in sam's eyes because the win should have been hers, she's the best and she's played every single card in the game and tory knows this, knows that she's undeserving and she has NEVER been undeserving in her life and yet here she is, silver has made a liar out of her and has changed a fundamental part of who she is forever.

older samtory who are pathetic losers in the matters of love and keep pulling the same old tricks with each other that always ends up on the mat, licking old wounds before pouring salt directly onto them.

truly. truly ship of all time. samtory has the potential of a thousand suns.

(i ALSO am a big sam shaves her head believer god im UGH yes yes yes yes)

im sorry i ended up talking so much, but like you i feel a lot of emotions for these girls.

ALSO!!!!!!!! YOUR FRIEND'S DERANGED PIANO TEACHER AU????? I HAVE READ THIS FIC AT LEAST FIVE TIMES SINCE IT WAS POSTED LAST MONTH AND I EVEN COMMENTED ON IT THAT IT HAD MADE ME CRAZY LIKE GENUINELY BITING AT MY FINGERNAILS UNHINGED!!!!!!!!

if you ever feel comfortable being off anon, hit me up i think im in love with your brain and would love to discuss samtory with you

[ddejavvu]

Jesus Christ this was supposed to be like one sentence but I can't help myself when it comes to Puppy!Eddie. I keep seeing all these headcanons where reader is woken up every day with kisses or bowled over every day first thing when they walk in the door after work. As someone that really suffers from social exhaustion after long periods of time with other people, I started to wonder what it would be like if one day reader just did NOT have the energy for their hybrid. Like no matter how much we love our pets or even our kids IRL, sometimes you just need a break you know? So anyway, started wondering what would happen if reader came home from work grumpy and broke my own heart.

Puppy!Eddie hasn't had a bad day since you took him in. He's got a house, food, a bed, toys, a whole ass room!! But best of all he has you. He's quite literally got everything he's ever wanted. Sooo he doesn't really understand when you come home cranky. He's waiting for you at the door like usual but you don't pet him when you come in. You give him a terse "Hi" and make your way inside. He's really confused. But he soldiers on because he has sooo much to tell you. He dials back his energy a little because he figures maybe he's being too much and then he launches into trying to tell you about his day. But when you flop down on the couch and he tries to scoot into your lap and lick all up your neck you're pushing him away and telling him to get down. He doesn't know what to do so he just follows your instructions and sits at your feet for a little bit. But now he's starting to get really worried. He tries to ask you what's wrong but you just do not want to talk anymore today. You don't want to be touched or even looked at if you're honest. So when he brushes up against you and tries again to get into your lap like he normally would, you lose your cool. You're not proud of it, but you shout at him for the first time ever. Just a simple "Get down!" But it was enough. His eyes went wide and he scurried away without finishing his story. You feel like an absolute c***. You feel terrible. But you just don't have the energy today. You slept in, were late for work and got written up, your car got a flat on your lunch break and you didn't even get to eat because you spent the whole time fixing it. Then you get back to work and find you're the subject of office gossip. You got volunteered for a new project you don't have time to do. Then on top of all that, on the way home you tried to fix your mood with fries and your favorite take out place is closed. You're just done with a capital D. It's been a shit day and you just need to sit down and decompress for a little bit. So you turn on the TV. You figure Eddie will be back out in a little bit and you will explain and apologize. He can never stay away from you for long. But then suddenly before you realize it you've binged like 4 episodes of a show and its way passed dinner time. You're a bit worried now so you get up to look for Eddie. You start to panic when you can't find him in any of his spots. But then you see a foot sticking out from under the bed in the room that was supposed to be his. (he's literally never slept in it. Only in your bed) You get down on the floor to see what he's up to and he's all curled up hugging his stuffy. You can tell the poor thing has been crying that whole time. He looks at you with the biggest, saddest, wettest eyes you've ever seen and before you can tell him you're sorry for being a bum he asks you: "Why don't you love me anymore? What did I do wrong?"

long post so it's cut // cw: hybrid au with dog hybrid!eddie. don't like don't read.

NOOO :(( he's instantly taken aback when you don't pet him, he's waiting there with a wagging tail, ready to smother you and be smothered in turn. but you move past him with a curt hi, side-stepping the hug that he offers and dropping everything in your arms with a sigh. he figures maybe everything was just really heavy, so he won't blame you for setting it down before you hug him. but then he's trailing after you already rambling about his day, and you're nodding like mhm the entire time, so disconnected from him and when you flop down on the couch he takes a breather to join you. he's already straddling your hips but you're turned into the cushions on the back of the couch, so you just glance up at him and gently push him away, 'not now, Eddie, get down please' and you were perfectly nice about it!! he's thinking that maybe your hip hurts or something, maybe you didn't want him on it until it started feeling better. so he lays by your feet instead, head bent over onto the couch cushions and butting into your ankles. he asks in a quiet, concerned voice if you're okay, because he can smell that you're more distressed than you normally are, and he hates it. but you don't answer, so he thinks you're sleeping or something. but when he peeks over at you your eyes are still open, so you probably just couldn't hear him, right? so he decides to get closer, to crawl back onto the couch (he carefully avoids your hurt hip!!) but the second his hands touch you you're turning to face him, face pinched up in frustration, 'i said get down!'

he's heartbroken. you say it so meanly, with so much venom in your voice, that he swears you hate him. and he doesn't know what he did, he doesn't know what went wrong, but he can't keep seeing that look in your eyes directed at him so he just flees. he yanks a stuffed animal off of his bed and burrows under there, the smell and atmosphere unfamiliar because he's barely ever stepped foot in there. and he just cries :( he's so worried about how he somehow fucked things up and he's sure you're going to throw him out, that he's crossed a line that he can't ever recover from, and the worst part of it all is that he doesn't know what he did!! he wants to, he wants to know why you suddenly don't like him, because he'd do anything to undo whatever it was so that you still loved him :') he cries and cries and cries until they're silent, just tears streaming down his cheeks and into the fluff of the stuffed animal. he thinks it takes years for you to come and find him, and honestly when you look back on the hour a a half that you dissociated and pretended you forgot about everything that the day brought you, it feels like years too. so you miss eddie, you're worried that he's not out there with you, and you wanna make sure he's okay.

when you find him your heart breaks :') you knew he'd be upset but the poor man is distraught, eyes puffy and cheeks splotchy and red and nose completely stuffed to where he's sniffling nonstop. he looks up at you so sad, and when he asks why you don't love him anymore you just about burst into tears. you want to pull him out from under the bed and into your lap but you know he probably doesn't want that, so you lay down yourself on the carpet and worm your way under the bed. you give him his space, but you want him to be close to you, and you leave your hands out just in case he wants to grab one

you apologize first, very sincerely, and promise him that you love him more than anything. he asks what he did wrong then, why you were so angry at him, and you tell him that he didn't really do anything wrong, he just didn't know not to touch you because you hadn't told him. you apologize for assuming he'd catch on, and promise that you'll communicate your boundaries better so that he doesn't cross them and then suffer for it :')) it takes a lot of coddling, but eventually he's in your lap sobbing into your shoulder and apologizing for how terrible your day was and you're rubbing his back sobbing for being so mean to him and everybody's crying and let me tell you the bedtime cuddle that night is insane

[aihoshiino]

okay so no idea how i should refer to myself as so: hi!! im the person who had way too much fun writing ai/nino toxic yuri on ao3! i was gonna just lurk (me, tumblr account with privated likes, reblogs and follows) BUT how could i with the promise of people being normal about fictional unhealthy gay women. idk if this is the optimal way to communicate i use tumblr with the sole purpose of following 4 people and digging up ai content

i am honestly so flattered (but also kinda upset at the lack of content on them aside from my own 1k word long oneshot please keep recommending if you find more stuff on them) that you enjoyed and recommended my fics considering i just straight up had no clue where i was going: okay so top priority i want them to kiss —> but also with how things are nino would probably lash out (read: bite) —> ai would be hesitant but also is so desperate that she’d still accept it happily —> this will fuel ninos idea of ai being the perfect, invincible idol —> and then i ran and tried not to trip with the rest

your translations of the side stories and blog was probably what helped me get in to oshi no ko again because even though i am still not over ai being dead i can now listen to someone talk about how great and tragic and sad and miserable she was along with all the other characters so thank you again!

also that ask for ai/nino toxic yuri visions was me lol, thanks for talking about my fic despite how short it was <3, i might de-anon myself at some point but rn im too shy for that

woof, this got a bit long. anyways love wins fr, if there was ever a day where i participate in an onk shipping war it’ll be on the side of them

LMFAO OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY TO HAVE JUMPSCARED YOU WITH YOUR OWN FIC 😭 WHAT A THING TO SEE ON YOUR OWN DASH....

that said it does make me so happy every time I hear people saying my relentless oshi no posting stands out to them to the degree that it does lol. I guess I'm in a similar place as you where, as happy as I am for it, it does make me a little sad that it feels like there's such little fan interest in lengthy meta and discussion on Ai herself outside of some really banal, surface level stuff. To a degree, I get that with other characters having so much more time on the page and having ongoing arcs to speculate about, but Ai is sooooooooo fascinating to me and it really drives me insane how often I see people make zero effort to engage with her arc beyond her utilitarian function in the story. It also really bums me out how often I see her get reduced to just a stepping stone in the arcs of other characters — even though the manga is literally shaking you right now and begging you to understand and empathize with her more than ever, I straight up see people cheering and crowing about Ruby 'surpassing' her or 'becoming the true Ai' as if this is a good thing and they are not completely fucking missing the point lmao.

ANYWAY!!!! That's enough grumping because the actual point of this response was to say: the Ai posting will continue until I am physically forced to stop!!!! I have so many thoughts about my wife constantly and if I do not share them I will explode!!!

(ps anon pspspspsp if you are ever feeling brave enough to unanon pls feel free to just send me your discord or your socmeds off tumblr if that is less intimidating for u.... honestly that goes for all my oshi no moots in general Please Talk With Me In DMs About My Wife)

[bugeyedfreaks]

Here’s what everyone was totally waiting for: my unsolicited thoughts on this cartoon man panel thing I found that got posted on YouTube! I… ended up writing MUCH more than I thought… but you know what, I can’t do text cuts on mobile. So I’m not cutting it. Sorry not sorry for forcing you all to read my opinions. 😆

I just kind of focused on the PPG parts because those are really mostly what I was interested in and scrubbed through the rest (since I’m not a huge fan of Foster’s, love WoY but just am not as invested in it as deeply, aaaaand I’ve only seen one or two episodes of Kid Cosmic). The whole PPG section was essentially me just nodding my head at all the stuff I knew that was repeated from other interviews (immediately blurting, “COWARD,” when he said he wouldn’t name them Pink/Green/Blue, occasionally laughing at the “I’m weird~, I’m artsy~, I’m not like other girls~” type of comments 🤣) but mostly agreeing on what he said about the girls. I mean, no surprises there! It’s cool to see how he’s thought about it all, especially in regards to the 2016 reboot and the live action thing.

…althooooooough…

I mean, agh, I dunno if I would say them getting older takes the Powerpuff out of the Powerpuff Girls (like… not gonna lie, REALLY bummed my mood to hear him go, “Oh, if they get older they’re not Powerpuff anymore, they’re just three super girls,” like…… I dunno, similar to other comments he’s made in the past that have irritated me, I’m sure it might’ve just come out bad and he didn’t mean it that way, but the way he said it just made me feel awful for the characters… sheesh, Craig, God forbid the girls grow up, then they’re just like eeeevery other woman, they’re not ~special~ anymore 😬😬😬) but like I understand that, what makes the girls different than other superheroes, specifically in the OG show, is that they’re little kids and they deal with kid issues. But… they’re also special because they’re sisters! They also have this cool id, ego, superego thing going on (I guess it’s more accurate to call it their heart, mind, and soul connection, now that I’m re-reading this, but what other superhero team has that? It’s very unique to them). Those are just two other big parts of who they are! I don’t think it’s impossible to have them be adults with adult issues (there could certainly be similar types of adult responsibilities that might serve as “kryptonite” as well, ones that are also more universally relatable). And I don’t think it’s impossible to make something with these three very interesting, iconic, strong characters in a setting where their femininity still wouldn’t be the main focus. They still would be living very unique lives: they don’t have secret identities like most superheroes, they still could be trying to live “normally” despite their amazing powers, like… it’s not that you automatically have to focus on them being women all of a sudden when they get older. You can still treat them like, you know, people. Why it seems like there’s an inability for these reboot creators to do that, whether they’re writing them young or old, I’m not sure (…I mean on a certain level I know but I won’t let myself rant about that). …also, yeah, like I’ve said before on here, for live-action you’d need a much bigger budget to even begin to give any of the villains worthy representation! Anyway. I guess tl;dr I personally would of course prefer them be their kids selves because that’s the original concept but yikes dude. I dunno, the comment just rubbed me the wrong way. 🫤

…also, I don’t know if it’s just me, but he seems to really light up talking about the Foster’s thing he wants to do. I would really, really, really want him to just work on THAT instead of doing that plus a PPG reboot. That kind of passion put into a project is great! I keep thinking about how PPG suffered with Craig having little to no involvement with it while working on Foster’s, and keep thinking about how… yeah, essentially, the PPG reboot is happening because money. Which, it is what it is, let’s face it, but I just hate thinking how, if they’re being worked on at the same time, the quality might suffer on one or the other, and I have a nagging feeling that it would be the PPG that would suffer, especially since I don’t really detect that same genuinely excited feeling he seems to have about the Foster’s thing when he’s talking about the PPG. …I dunno. I just feel like the, “Stop, stop, he’s already dead!” kid and I don’t want the series to needlessly suffer more. 🫠

Also that whole “bigger battles, tougher stakes,” etc., thing for the PPG… like, yeah, sounds cool I guess, but I hope it’s fun? It sounds like the edgy kind of tagline I would hear from these kinds of animation bros who want a darker, super-bloodier, serious PPG. I, too, love a good brawl and some gore now and then, but there is…… a balance. I hope he doesn’t veer too off-course in an attempt to make the series what other people haven’t made it. It’s a cursed enough series for something like that to happen. I dunno. I am trying my HARDEST to stay neutral about it guys, I am going to try to just bleach my brain and forget anything being said about the reboot. 😩

[saltminerising]

I’m new to making skins/accents, and was really anxious to even try again after one of the last ones I made got vague-posted about on here as being one of the ugliest skins ever made or whatever. (I’m really sorry for that, I was still learning and I’ve figured out some things from that one, but I’m sorry it was so stupid looking…) And so I decided to make a new one, but I got… no feedback or recognition / acknowledgment at all about it despite working really hard on it. Even my friends (of which I have like… 2… who even bother to talk to me… and I have a looking-for-friends thread up and it’s… also really gotten ignored… I just want someone to talk to and share my life with…) gave me a really lackluster 1-sentence reply. Now I just feel dejected. Is it really that bad? :c I spent so much time and effort on it and now I feel stupid.

And I also made a new pinglist for my skins/accents with the new pinglist feature. Then I saw I got a new subscriber to it, and was super excited, so I made a mental note to come check that out later (I was a little busy at the time and I’m forgetful). Then when I did come back to see who it was - my pinglist was empty again. Oh… Uhm okay, that’s alright I guess. But I do wonder if it being obvious to everyone else that there’s nobody in my pinglist influences people to not want to join. I get it. I’m super unpopular and my accents suck I guess. I just kind of feel bad.

I don’t want to say anything on-site because I don’t want to come across as whiny / needy or like a solid red flag to avoid (like “ew they’re so guilt-trippy / manipulative, avoid that with a passion haha yikes” and/or get mass-blocked for being a weirdo), but I can’t help but feel really bummed out. I wish staff would implement it so it’s not obvious who’s super unpopular. They promised they would and then they didn’t actually fix that at all. :c I know they’re making a new update sometime next week, but would it be that hard for them to hide the number of subscribers right now? Please?

I’m… just feeling really down / sad. Life’s been really sucky for me lately, so maybe that’s contributing to me feeling so bummed out (I’m sorry if I’m making a big deal out of nothing/overreacting or something). I’m also sorry for this textwall. (I’m autistic and bad at being concise and I know I’m super annoying and rambly about everything.)

Uhm- anyways. Hope you all are having a good day saltminers! Sorry for this stupid submission; nobody has to read this or anything. I wish everyone luck on their own projects, whatever that might be, whatever form it takes! <3 Here’s to hoping that life is treating you all well! (Also please remember to hydrate if you haven’t lately! ;w;…)

[socheckitout-mikey]

as a certified shy bean ^tm could you do some tlb x shy read hc? >WW<

heya lovely! tysm for requesting this. i hope you enjoy what i came up with and sorry that it took me so long to post it! (': <3 - mae

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The Lost Boy's x Shy Reader Hc's:

David:

° For some reason he loves to tease you whenever you get all shy, because you’re just too adorable. He loves getting a reaction out of you so he may come across as a sarcastic menace at times. However, it’s all in good fun.

° Anybody else who makes fun of your shyness gets flawlessly roasted to filth by this confident snarky vampire. He doesn’t spare any feelings.

° He loves it when you begin to grow more comfortable in his presence, because, “Was there really any need to be shy, kitten? I don’t bite.” Lmaoo but he definitely does!

° Groups and big crowds may not be your thing, which David doesn’t mind. Sure he might tease you but he gets it; people suck anyway. He’s not much of a people person himself, if he’s being honest.

° If the other boys are being too wild for you David tells them to knock it off and they do. One leather finger or smooth bleached eyebrow raised ensures they keep their traps shut.

° David is surely the one that helps you get out of your comfort zone slowly and subtly. He’s persuasive, but he’s not exactly Paul. This entails that he won’t hold your hand and parade around the town with you. He’s more inclined to go, “What’s the one thing you’ve always wanted to do (within reason) and never have?”

° Thus expect to do said thing with David - even if it is a little lame. David won’t judge! He’s gonna ease you into the scene and his comfort comes in more subtle fashions, like a hand on the small of your back, his tickling breath in your ear and so on.

° This Prince of Darkness™ is all about making you feel as comfortable as he possibly can. He’s extremely fond of you (maybe even a little soft), which covers all aspects of your being. If he were to reject your shyness, that wouldn’t be very David of him, now would it?

Dwayne:

° Honestly, Dwayne is the most patient of the four and gets the whole quiet thing you’ve got going on. He’s like your rock, bridging you between his rowdy/obnoxious brothers, and your quiet safe space.

° He takes on a natural role of being a protector and checking in on you when you seem to become more quiet than usual. Dwayne gives you the space that you need whilst also maintaining that you don’t isolate yourself too often. He’s a balance. Also, his protectiveness comes in the shape of him understanding you can hold your own completely fine, but he’s there to ward off those less understanding or willing to take advantage of you.

° Not going to lie, he’s probably the most confident out of you both so has no problem ordering food, movie tickets/snacks, etc. He’s just the kindest and sweetest about it. He makes you feel empowered, accepting you for who you are, because Dwayne is a sweet boii!

° Dwayne’s quiet, not shy, which is a huge difference. So be prepared for him to grow hyper and excitable once he’s comfortable around you. You’ll think he’s got Mexican Jumping Beans in his pants or something sometimes lmaoo! He does expect the same from you too, because he understands that someone who’s shy doesn’t necessarily negate them from having a great sense of humor, passions, personality and so on. Dwayne welcomes any weirdness that you bring to the table, because that makes you, you!

° Never apologise for your shyness, because Dwayne finds it incredibly adorable. It doesn’t bug him at all and it would bum him out if you weren’t confident in yourself.

° He pulls you out of your comfort zone along with him, making you feel safe when engaging in new things. Dwayne never forces anything upon you, instead letting you explore things naturally.

° He grins all big and teases you a little when you get all shy. He’s a little bit sadistic, so a little embarrassment from you won’t hurt.

° He repays you in kisses and soft nips on your shoulder, with apologies whispered onto your skin. It’s not sultry, but he’s attempting to hide the humour in his tone.

Marko:

° Around others Marko doesn’t know - and people that he doesn’t like -, he isn’t his complete self. So in some ways, he relates to your shyness too. That is until Dwayne explains to him that other factors may come into play that go beyond withdrawing or distrust.

° Oh boy does Marko tease you because he loves how embarrassed you get. But no one else can tease you because he takes their motivations as bad ones. Marko is the most sadistic out of the boys, next to David of course, so sometimes he can be a bit heavy, but his intentions weren’t to hurt you. He just likes getting under your skin a little is all.

° He’s incredibly protective of you and likes to slowly introduce you to new things - especially when Paul’s involved, as Twisted Sister may be inclined to get a bit too wild.

° He once started a fight with a Surf Nazi for ramming into you and when you didn’t have the courage to say anything, Marko did.

° “Hey asshat!” Is all Marko said before fists were flying! It’s safe to say that Surf Nazi became dinner for him in the late hours of the night when David was distracting you in the Cave.

° Animals have a healing effect, so when things are overwhelming in the sensory department, Marko will take you to see his pigeons and other animals he’s befriended. A pigeon will just perch itself on your knee, it’s little eyes blinking several times before Marko says, “I think Tubro likes you, babes!”

° Turbo definitely pecks him whenever Marko touches you, which makes him complain in a disgruntled fashion that his pet bird is a “traitor”. It certainly makes you laugh, which makes Marko grin beautifully.

Paul:

° Paul is the least understanding about your shyness, but he’s good natured about it. He tries to understand, yet finds it challenging. It’s just that Paul is insanely extroverted so he thinks for a moment that you may be hiding your personality from him as if you don’t like him or aren’t comfortable in his presence. Both theories dishearten him quite a bit until Dwayne becomes your saving grace: and once Paul gets that you’re just shy, he thus takes things less personally. (He’s a bit of a drama queen lmaoo.)

° All bets are off now, and he teases you a ton! It’s almost relentless at points in time. He finds your teasing cutesie and goes out of his way to make you shy. He loves that you grow comfortable enough to engage in harmless, playful banter with him. Be warned that his teasing can go too far, but he’ll always apologise sincerely with that playful grin you’ve grown to love. You can’t resist his charms!

° Paul is the best to venture out of your comfort zone as he acts like a big clown in order to make you laugh and feel at ease. He helps you have fun doing whatever it is that you’re doing!

° “This’s a first for me too, babes. No harm in winging it, right?” Although he has got a vibrant smile on his countenance, his words are joyfully comforting. Paul makes you feel exhilarated and safe at the same time.

° He doesn’t ever make you feel bad for being shy, encouraging you instead to just be yourself. You help even him out, but can also keep up with Paul’s unpredictable hyperness. You gotta be a bit wild and non-judgemental to be with him.

° Expect Paul to get bored whilst doing the same things too many times in a row, especially if they’re quieter activities. Balancing things out is best for both of you.

° He’s also pretty clingy, which entails that he doesn’t understand the concept of personal space all too well. So if you’re independent to a high degree, Paul may become mopey and press boundaries, because he craves your company and touch. He likes having you around is all. He’s a social creature.

° Paul will also ask questions that may be a bit insensitive, because he’s just a curious guy! He wants to know why you keep doing x,y and z.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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