#anyway we're working on breaking the cycle !!1

[ef-1]

Thomas Hardy said Neutral Tones, baby

[pickingupmymercedes]

She's not here, but she'll be - Lewis Hamilton (NSFW)

Series: She's here and she's ours / She's here and she's not only ours / She's here and she's just like you / She's not here, but she'll be / She's here and she won't be the only one / She's here and he won't let her give up / She's here and so is he

requests: "hello can i request one with lewis where he has been having a baby fever ... fluff and smut of course. and can we have a very slow and sexy one because he wants to take his time with her 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻" - anon 2 ;

"hi, can I request a prequel to She's here and she's ours ... maybe it was hard to conceive and things weren't always all flowers" - anon 1

pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Reader!

warnings: mentions of troubles with infertility, unprotected sexual activities (all sorts)

Also, wrap it before you tap it guys

wordcount: +2K

a/n: Combined requests again because anon 2 asked for something that gave me the idea for the prequeal (sorry for how long it took anon 1, but hope the wait was worth it)

a/n.2: The tone of this whole series is mixing angst and fluff, this time I added a bit of smut too, hope you guys like it

As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!

EXPLICIT CONTENT UNDER, -18 DO NOT INTERACT

______________________________________________________________

The discarded ovulation test lay on the bathroom counter, a white plastic screaming what her ovulation app had already warned to. Y/n stared at it, not really sure she even wanted to know about it that month.

The more you want something, the harder it is. That's what they said anyway, and apparently it wasn't any different when it came to “trying” to get pregnant, a euphemism that felt increasingly hollow with each passing cycle.

Doctors assured her a year was still considered normal, but the constant hum of wanting, the way it colored every conversation, every shared glance, was starting to wear on them both.

Six months. Six months of basal body temperatures, ovulation predictors, and Lewis’ frustrated attempts at scheduling "baby time" around his chaotic schedule.

“Again?” as Lewis emerged from the shower, a towel wrapped around his waist, he saw her face, then the test on her hands and his smile faltered.

He sighed, walking over to wrap his arms around Y/n. She leaned into him, but the spark of hope she usually felt was absent.

"It's been too long, Lew" she finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. " The schedules, apps, and ovulation calendars. It's driving me insane."

“Maybe we just need to try harder” he suggested, trying to be optimistic. But the forced cheer didn't fool her.

“Harder?” Y/n pulled back slightly, the edge in her voice surprising even herself. “Lewis, it's like we're robots. Everything's always timed, charted…”

Lewis turned to face her. "You think I enjoy this? Every time we fail, it's like there's this... pressure. Like if it doesn't work, it's my fault."

Y/N looked up, her eyes meeting his. "It's not about fault. It's about us. It feels like we’re losing sight of why we wanted this in the first place."

"It's not supposed to feel calculated, is it?" he said, a hint of defensiveness creeping into his tone. "We both want this, right?"

"Of course, we do," Y/n insisted, her voice a touch too sharp. "But it's like we're robots following a program instead of… you know, a couple."

He took a step back, his face contorting with hurt. "That's not fair, Y/N. We’re trying our best here. Circumstances might not be the most ideal but it’s what we got"

Tears welled up in her eyes, her frustration boiling over. Lewis's shoulders slumped as he saw the evident fear in her eyes, his anger giving way to hopelessness. "I just... I don't know what else to do."

"Maybe," Y/N's voice held such certainty that surprised even herself, "maybe we should take a break.

Lewis raised an eyebrow, a flicker of surprise starting to take hold in his eyes. "A break? From trying?"

"Yeah," she took a deep breath before continuing, a growing conviction in her tone. "From the apps, schedules, calendar, the whole... stress. We just focus on us, and why we want this."

He was silent for a moment, considering her words. "What if it takes even longer?"

"Then... we'll deal with that when we get there," she said, her hand gently touching his cheek. "I want this pregnancy, but not like this. Not at the cost of us."

Lewis closed his eyes for a moment, the weight of their struggles hanging heavy in the air. He shook his head with an understanding nod "We've been so caught up in this that we've forgotten about us." he whispered, his voice breaking slightly.

"I love you; you know ?!" she whispered, the words catching him by surprise in their suddenness. She hadn't said them in days, maybe weeks, the unspoken worry choking the words back.

Lewis tilted his head, his gaze searching hers. "I love you, always." His voice was laced with tenderness. He brushed a stray strand of hair from her face, his fingers lingering on her cheek. "We'll get there " he whispered. "We'll have our family. I believe that with all my heart."

The positive pregnancy test felt surreal. Lewis and Y/n sat on the bed, the silence in the room only broken by the soft hum of the air conditioner. The digital test lay between them, its stark message still blinking: "Pregnant 5-6 weeks."

Y/n turned to Lewis, her eyes wide with a mix of shock and disbelief. "This can’t be real," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I’ve been on the pill... we weren’t even trying."

Lewis stared at the test, then at her, his mind struggling to process the information. "We haven't thought about having kids for over a year." he stated, his voice filled with bewilderment

Tears filled Y/n’s eyes, but this time a mix of confusion and hope. "I didn’t even think about missing my period." she confessed. "I thought it was just the stress of the season, the move, the change in routines…"

Lewis wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. "This is real," he said, his voice trembling with emotion. "We’re really going to be parents."

They sat there for a while, holding each other, the reality of their news slowly sinking in. The past months of not even considering pregnancy, of relying on birth control, seemed to amplify the miracle of this moment. The weight of their previous struggles felt lighter, replaced by the shock and anticipation of the new life they had miraculously created.

"Five to six weeks," Y/n murmured, looking at the test again. "How could this happen?"

Lewis frowned, trying to remember. "What were we doing around then?" he asked, his brow furrowing in thought.

Y/n bit her lip, feeling a pang of guilt. "I don’t know... maybe I missed a pill or something. But I really thought I was careful."

Lewis looked at her thoughtfully, his fingers tracing soothing circles on her hands “That’s not on you love, we decided on no condoms, remember?! We knew it could happen”.

Then, out of the blue with a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "Wait a minute," he said, his eyes lighting up with realization. "Silverstone."

Y/n’s eyes widened as she remembered and stated "Silverstone!” Lewis nodded, a grin spreading across his face. Y/n's cheeks flushed as she recalled the night. She looked at Lewis, a smile spreading across her face despite the lingering shock.

Lewis looked at her, his grin widening. "It makes sense, doesn't it?"

Y/n laughed softly, shaking her head in disbelief. "I guess we were celebrating more than just you that night."

"We were celebrating us" Lewis said, his voice filled with warmth and love. "And now, we have even more to celebrate."

He leaned in, kissing her tenderly, resting their foreheads against each other when they pulled back.

"We're going to be parents," she whispered, the reality finally settling in.

"We're going to be parents," Lewis echoed, his heart swelling with joy and excitement. "I love you, Y/n. And I love our little one so much already."

The Silverstone circuit buzzed with the electric energy of a crowd celebrating a hero’s homecoming. Lewis, now a Ferrari driver, had held his own, going from p3 at the starting line to the tallest step of the podium, beaming as the Union Jack waved above him.

After the race, the celebration shifted to a more intimate setting. Lewis’s family, Y/n, and a tight-knit group of friends gathered at a house in the countryside nearby. The energy of the race lingered, laughter and music filling the air. It was a night of toasts.

As the party slowly wound down, the house fell silent. Guests retired to their rooms, and the sun began to hint at its arrival on the horizon, leaving Lewis and Y/n by themselves in the garden, the weight of the day finally sinking in.

“Can you believe it?” Lewis whispered, his voice hoarse from cheering. He was sprawled on the couch, Y/n nestled against him.

“You were amazing,” she murmured, her fingers tracing the lines of his jaw. “I’m so proud of you.”

He kissed her forehead gently, his eyes closing as he felt the exhaustion wash over him. “Let’s get some sleep. We’ll celebrate properly tomorrow.”

Y/n nodded, her eyelids heavy and he led them to their bedroom.

Morning sunlight filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the unknown room. Y/n stirred, her body snug against Lewis’s as he spooned her, one arms securely holding her close and the other serving as her pillow.

As she shifted, she felt a familiar pressure against her back. She turned slightly, her eyes opening to find Lewis still asleep, his breathing was steady, but she could feel his arousal pressing into her. A soft moan escaped his lips as he dreamt, his hips subtly moving against her.

Y/n smiled to herself, a gentle warmth spreading through her at the feeling of him. She shifted again, trying not to wake him, but his eyes fluttered open. “Morning,” he mumbled, his voice thick with sleep.

“Morning, champ,” she replied softly, turning her head to look at him.

He grinned, his eyes twinkling despite the lingering fatigue. “I must have been having a really good dream,” he joked, his hand sliding down to rest on her hip.

Y/n chuckled, pressing back against him. “I noticed” she teased rubbing her ass with a bit more vigor against him.

She could feel his arousal growing more insistent as his breaths came out in hisses. She bit her lip, considering their options. “Do you think anyone’s awake?” she whispered, glancing towards the door.

“Probably,” Lewis replied, his hand slipping under the hem of her shirt to caress her skin. “But we can be quiet.”

A shiver ran through her at his touch, and she nodded. “I doubt you’ll let me” her voice dropping to a whisper. He smiled mischievously, his fingers trailing up her side. “I’ll try,” he promised.

Slowly, he rolled her onto her side, spooning her again from behind. He nuzzled into her neck, his hand sliding down to the waistband of her shorts. She held her breath as his fingers slipped inside, brushing against her most sensitive spot.

She gasped softly, biting her lip to stifle the sound. “Lew” she breathed, her hips instinctively pressing back against him.

“Shh,” he whispered, his lips grazing her ear. His fingers moved with deliberate slowness, teasing and exploring until she was panting with need. Her hands gripped the sheets, trying to stay quiet as he worked her up.

When he finally slid a finger inside her, she had to bite down on the pillow to keep from crying out. He added another finger, stretching her gently, his movements unhurried and tender. She could feel his breath hot against her neck, his own restraint evident in the way he held her.

“You’re so wet,” he murmured, his voice thick with desire. “Are you ready for me?”

“Yeah” she whispered, barely able to speak. “Please.”

He positioned himself at her entrance, his hands gripping her hips as he slowly pushed inside. She moaned softly, the feeling of him filling her almost overwhelming. He paused once he was fully seated, giving her time to adjust, the pause also helping him control his breathing.

When she took a deep breath, relaxing into the sensation of him with a “You can move.” he started with slow, gentle thrusts, his arms wrapped tightly around her. The rhythm was languid, each movement measured and precise. Y/n’s breaths came in short, quiet gasps, her body trembling with each stroke.

The room was filled with the sound of their breathing, the occasional creak of the bed as they moved together. Every so often, she had to remind him to stay quiet, her whispers blending with his low grunts.

When he hit a particularly sensitive spot, she bit back a cry, his hand reaching to cover her mouth. She licked her fingers, his thrusts becoming more insistent with the scene.

“I can’t… I’m so close,” she panted, her voice muffled against his hand, her body arching against him.

“Just a little longer, love, I’m almost there.” He quickened his pace, each movement somehow reaching deeper.

Lewis’s body tensed, his toes curling as he felt her walls starting to flutter, and with a final, deep thrust, he came shortly after her, their bodies shaking with the intensity of it. She buried her face in the pillow, stifling her cries as Lewis held her tightly and lowly grunted into her neck.

For a moment, they lay there, catching their breath, the room filled with the soft glow of morning light. Finally, Lewis pressed a gentle kiss to her shoulder, just below where he had left his mark, his arms still wrapped around her.

“Best celebration ever,” he whispered, a satisfied smile on his face. Y/n laughed softly, turning her head to kiss him. “Next time though, we’ll wait until I can have my way with you, no muffed moans”

She chuckled, nuzzling into his neck. “Deal.”

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[wordsinhaled]

saw an absolute awful take on payneland earlier today and it's still rolling around in my mind (tl;dr, it was essentially "i hope edwin and charles don't get together because edwin falling for his best friend charles and accepting that charles is straight is just as important a message for media to send out, because queer people experience that irl all the time, and it was important to show audiences charles rejecting him kindly") and i am still just fuming tbh because

#1 hello bi erasure!!!! please let charles rowland be bisexual for fuck's sake!!! let this boy already steeped in counterculture who grew up and died during the AIDS crisis with a father who almost certainly wouldn't have tolerated any hint of queerness in his son explore his fucking sexuality! he has room in his heart for crystal and edwin both! goddamn

#2 like... do people who have this take realize edwin was, basically, hate-crimed to death for being gay? that he was sacrificed to hell because his peers saw him as a "mary ann"? that this happened in the first place because of so much period-typical internalized homophobia that simon didn't know how to process his own burgeoning feelings for charles therefore expressed them through the only socially appropriate channel by sublimating them into bullying/harassment and responded to rejection with violence - and edwin had no idea how to acknowledge or process any feelings he might have had for simon plus rejected simon's advances out of fear of being ostracized further for an identity he may have recognized but denied in himself at the time???

...and you want edwin's narrative to be "tormented by sad gay feelings, breaks out of hell for the second time, musters up bravery to confess to "straight" friend - when the last time he even dared to have an air of being queer he got killed for it - gets rejected"??? fuck off fr. like go and watch that confession scene and look at edwin's red-rimmed eyes and

#3 you know, we queers just fall in love with our straight friends all the time and receive no unconditional acceptance and love and no open possibility of something more developing organically. so let's show that same bleak shit on TV, that's just the narrative we need. just to remind the queers watching they have no chance at happiness and they're lucky to get a compassionate rejection. in case anybody ever got hopeful for open endings. fuck off fr

#4 i dislike the implication that "straight friend" charles was so nice and so kind for "reacting nicely" to "gay friend" edwin because like... what is the alternative that we're supposed to be so happy we didn't get? the cricket bat? a second act of violence? what was edwin supposed to receive instead that it was so nice for charles not to do? you wanted to see anger, disgust, violence, drama, the breakdown of their relationship? when like... charles's entire narrative is about his boundless kindness and love, him overcoming the cycle of abuse and not being a violent and hateful person? pretty gross that this take reduces charles to That Straight Guy, of all straight guys, when he would never, he would literally fucking never and you're trapping him into the cycle he's working to break!!!

and mind you the whole POINT of this show is the many and multiple dimensions of love that are available to edwin and charles, the power of love and self-acceptance to overcome obstacles and barriers, the many ways friendship can be defined and include all different kinds of love, what platonic and romantic love means. so to see it reduced to "charitable straight guy kindly spares tortured gay friend the terrible humiliation he ought to have gotten" gives major ick especially DURING PRIDE MONTH like oh my god

anyway i'm not articulating myself well but like oh my god let DBDA be queer or get rekt

[from-the-clouds]

you know what kendall deserves his version of willa (with a happier ending) he can do his lewis and clark of sex manic episode thing with her, it starts as filling the void with sex and pushing shit away, she wanted some fun and the money wasn't a bad thing and doesn't find him to be as awful as she thought he could be.

she becomes super protective of him once she realizes what he's actually going through, doesn't let his family speak over him. None of that your kids aren't your real kids bullshit, all 'that's it we're doing something about it' attitude. she convinces him to go back to rehab and stay in therapy treatment (and she waits for him)

it goes from sex buddies to actual friendship to love.

she becomes his number 1 fan, she gets him into collecting records and investing into things he actually cares about. maybe he starts a label? or he funds one. he wants to patch up his relationship with his kids guess who's there ready to be there for him?? when kens guilt returns about the waiter, about the election, about his kids, about everything shes is there. if the jess publishing a book thing is an in universe thing and he gets to see himself from the outside, she is there.

she also comes from this hard background and has done tons of work to heal, so she's ready to be there for him. nobody has ever actually cared about him, and wasn't counting on that being the direction of the relationship so it takes him a while to realize this isn't just sex and money anymore.

he probably keeps thinking the only reason she stays is because well she likes his money, the more he likes her the more he pushes her away because he thinks it's for the best. nobody really needs to put up with him, she figures it out though.

she knows the cycle, she has lived the cycle. they don't have to be together anymore but she will not leave him, he breaks, it's love, it's real. it might not be forever but close enough, and it's real love.

_

Anyway I'm not a writer I'm just tired of the nihilism of people with kendall my man is happy and content in the future, he finds happiness again. He still has stewy who will be definitely investing on the label thing even if he says he won't work with ken ever again. ken funds stewys lube line (the wetter the better) in repayment.

sorry that i sent this to you but i needed it to be out there somewhere. love your Professor!Ken headcanons! hope you're having a great time on your vacations 💜

i totally could see ken ending up with a willa! or someone like him. there are some really good ken x reader fics that have this sort of dynamic, too, even if doesn't go exactly how you type it out here!

i think kendall could literally do anything with his money, a record label would be a great idea since he's so into music/art and pop culture stuff! also him dating someone younger would keep him 'hip' to everything so he would see that as a perk of seeing her.

and yes! i could see their relationship being sort of cyclic like the show. maybe he pushes her away when he gets too emotionally involved, but she sort of keeps coming back because she likes him too.

i understand why kendall's ending has to be seen as grim for the sake of the show, but i don't know that it's as grim as 'he's going to die' if that's how jesse wanted to end the show that's how he would've ended it, you know? like i think it's intentional kendall was kept alive, but he will probably find something else to be obsessive about eventually. and the cycle will keep repeating!! but its not all bad in my opinion.

[dirtreally]

playing through every fuckinggg vvideo game with gay bitches in it to try and salvage the last 2 weeks of my break. effortpost incoming

potionomics:

kind of insane how high effort the presentation is. the past ten years have been leading up to a kind of cultural dominance of Matte 3D (spiderverse, borderlands, arcane, and every work trying to cop the vibe of any of these three things) so even though this is literally the thing that Matte 3D was supposed to be a break from it still feels refreshing to see an incredibly high effort well-arted-out Shiny 3D thing that splits the difference between "looks like anime" and "looks like a western thingy tryna be anime" really well. of course with shit like The Super Dope And Viral Digital Circus becoming skibidi level popular i can only assume that we're gonna get ten years of Shiny 3D coming up and the ouroboros devours its own tail but right now it still feels fresh in the moment

that being said mannnnnnnnnnn fuck all the stupid ass characters in this game. the writing in this game has the unenviable task of like. trying to sound Whoalsome (cuz it has to market itself that way) while being not as annoying as like when cartoons and games and shit do le quirky dialogue (cuz if you do that now people yell at you on twitter) and for the most part it succeeds but it kind of doesnt matter when every single fuckinggggggg social link conversation is about like your adventurer friend telling you how they feel imposter syndrome about being in a fantasy rpg guild before asking you Okay But Really Though How Can I Contribute To Woke Capitalism While Prompting Reform As A Budding Small Business Owner In Dragontown❓ Awful. you can be gay and have one of several epic girlfriends in this but even after all that they only talk about how they are choosing to work with small clients with their marketing firm (not a joke) fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuc kkkkkk. they dont even show up when you win the fucking potionomics tournament so who cares.

half the steam reviews are bitching about the day limit thing which is fucking insane to me. the game is extremely generous with your time and the day limit at least sets your ass on fire a little bit which is the only uncomplicated positive emotion thsi game gave me. you might fuck up the first 10-day cycle once or twice but if you can clear that you can do the whole game. i maxed out all the social links and ccleared everything and It Was Fine. also there's a really scary egyptian stereotype character.

summon night swordcraft story:

i played this shit because i saw hazel talk about it being surprisingly gay ina video then i play it and if you do the personality quiz at the start of the game good your summonable creature is just straight up a woman who wants to fuck you. so then i watch the hazel video again and she didnt even get or mention that character. crazy.

anyway the summonable woman thing is kind of fucking epic especially with how played straight it is b ut also really funny to think about. every single other character summons like a cute stage 1 digimon type creature to help them out in battle and the creatures all fuck off when they're not fighting but your thing is a human woman with her tits out who just walks around with you all the time who wants you to fuck her (ESPECIALLY IF YOURE A WOMAN!!!!!!) all the time. i want to imagine that all the other ccharacters are like either incredibly mad or uncomfortable about this but just choose not to say anything about it.

i played this shit on a gba emulator on my phone while chilling on my bed and straight up if i got a steam deck and could play video games on my bed or while lying down it would bef ucking over for me. i would never get up. i think at this point its kind of essential for me that video games require the suck ass task of sitting on an ikea chair to be able to be played. either way its incredibly mechanically and textually light so its kind of perefect to be played while dicking around On Da Phone. the story is extremely standard jrpg but it is a little sweet that for the protagonist, becoming stronger is directly conflated with becoming kinder to other people and learning more about her world. again not the craziest thing in the world but its sweet

apparently da sequel is also gay but i kind of cannot be bothered to wwant to play it because the protag isn't as sauced up as this fucking girl. complete perfect harmony of artstyle and character design and the gba making all the art crunchy

ITS FUCKING PRATTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i usually do the thing of naming every rpg protag with my name whenever i play these things b ut this bitch has so much personality just thru her portrait and vibes alone that i stuck w the default name. idk i am extremely charmed by her shapes

crymachina

this shit looks soooo fucking good what the fuckkkkkk. i posted before about how it looks like the renders they used to have on the boxes of graphics cards but it really is Like That. most of it is still filtered through the lens of extremely NIS-america/JAST japanese enthusiast B-game jank but still. the prerendered cutscenes in this are straight up my favourite part of the game they are straight up gorgeous. god tier anime girl 3d artism

the aesthetic and story are both kind of insane hi-concept sci-fi bullshit to the point where i kind of have to salute it no matter what just for swinging that hard and high. extremely weird pacing and it feels like it got truncated at some point and a bunch of the stuff that was meant to be in the game got put inside some of the stupid ass nier-weapon-story-type things this game has. for the record i hate when any video game does thiis cuz eevery single weapon story is like. okay i spent 10 minutes looking for it but there's a meme with a nier weapon story screen and its like

Weapon story 1:

Girl:I am having heart surgery

Boy: I know... I love you

Weapon story 2:

After surgery when the girl woke up, with only her father next to her

Weapon Story 3:

Girl: Where is he???

Weapon story 4:

Father: who do you think gave you the heart?????

it's completely fucking insane to me that people will make fun of fallout skeletons and skyrim journals and shit like that as if this isn't on the exact same level

anyway its pretty good and like. blatantly about being a gay bitch on e very thematic level its kind of crazy. really fun game to think about. i don't like one of the artistic decisions made regarding one of the late-game twists but whatever. The way you unlock the final ending is one of the most fun ways to do it ive ever seen and i was incredibly pleased when i figured it out. the gameplay in every other aspect is extremely perfunctory but the way you unlock the final ending is kidn of just incredibly pog-worthy in a way that you can't really feel if you just watch a video or read a description of it, especially if you figure it out yourself.

THATTTTTTTTTTT BEING SAIDDDDDDDDDDDDD i think the ending is just Fine. I think i have a built in brain immunity or something to like. specifically sci fi video games cuz i saw this had the same thing as nier automata where a lot of people were going on about Auuuuuuu Fuckkkk I Cried At The Endddd So Crazyyyy but when i hit the final end i was just like Hruh That's It??? and spent like 10 minutes making sure if that was the final final for realsies ending. idunno man.

but also overall i still really liked this game and i still think it is extremely bold for what it does so if youve read this far and have 60-ish dollars to throw around you should absolutely buy it at its stupid ass japanesegameonsteam price cuz i wanna see more crap in the Cry_____ vein (crymachina was made after crystar which like. shares loose Vibe Associations but as far as i can tell is otherwise completely unrelated) and just more games that make as many crazy ass aesthetic decisions as this one. either way im definitely gonna keep an eye on what furyu puts out after this

ok thats it. im gonna try mary skelter 2 now hopefully i dont die

[thefairfolk]

so... qi rong, huh. a very intriguing little goofball whose most hated actions i've decided to re-analyse for myself.

alright, to summarise this entire post, a character doesn't have to be nice to be interesting. there are a lot of words you can describe some of these guys with, but "nice" is most definitely not one of them.

and that's okay.

jun wu is not a nice or good person. jin guangyao is not a nice or good person. neither is qi rong or the old palace master or whoever "bad guy" made to face off with protags.

but it doesn't mean they're not good characters. it doesn't mean they aren't necessarily badly written or anything of the like. it doesn't mean you can't like them.

it also doesn't mean, that in the off chance that you do like them, you get to correlate them being a good character with them being a "good person" and use this as a reason to like them. you don't need that reason. hell, you don't even need a reason! because people are going to like what they're going to like, and that's okay. the only issue is when you start liking something for all the wrong reasons. (@ qi rong stans because while it's good that you like that blorbo, you also can't overlook everything.)

this isn't to say you mustn't like a character because they've "done bad things!!1!!!1"

no. this is to say that you just can't push their necessarily bad qualities aside when you do it.

this also doesn't mean that you can use a character's trauma as an excuse. while your trauma can shape you into who you are today, you are ultimately your own person and make your own decisions.

"this character needs a hug" and "this character needs to be fucking decked" are statements that can and should coexist!

other characters are allowed to hate your favourite character. you CANNOT say someone who was harmed by another person (no matter whether one of them is good or bad) is obligated to forgive them- even more so when they don't feel sorry. even if we, as the fans, like a character, we can't expect other characters in canon to do the same- especially when they have good reason to do so.

like... look, the point isn't that qi rong didn't want to kill hong-er and didn't do so anyway. the point is that he grievously harmed a child. does that mean you can't like qi rong? of course not. but it also means that hua cheng, a fictional character may i add, is perfectly justified in not liking him.

and, if i may guess, hua cheng dislikes him mainly due to the disrespect towards xie lian. as for that, though? that's not a crime. sure, it's rude, and we, as fans of a work who are seeing it through xie lian's point of view, will naturally dislike it. but it's still not worthy of like, torture. again, unless if you're hua cheng. in which case, sure, beat up whoever you want for being rude to your husband. that's fair. i'd do that too if i actually had a relationship.

however, as fans? we see things in a broader way since we can see everyone here. if we're not judgemental, we're the neutral third party and we should ultimately agree that just because someone is particularly annoying or offensive, doesn't mean you need to put them in a meat grinder or something. what the hell.

"but qi rong is repeatedly humiliated in the books-!" he's the comic relief character. it is his job.

our job? our job is to break him out of it the same way every fandom does with the comic relief character. bro, we live in an era where there are 100k word angst fics about, i don't know, cartoons or something. some screeching dude in a danmei being the source of some much-needed comic relief doesn't make him abused.

if anything, slow clap to qi rong for breaking the cycle of abuse that his father perpetuated with.

[the-firebird69]

It seems like years of this idiot s*** and it has been and our son and daughter pointed out did they submerge and start riding everyone and they ruin things again and they're doing it in a cycle. I want to break that cycle in the process Mac will lose even though he thinks he's going to win and he's interested in doing it too we've heard enough from everybody we need to enact our plan and stop harassing our son and daughter by harassing the idiots who just need to leave we're going to ruin their day and night and we're going to take care of the problem and we're going to go over it right now on how to do it and it's working for the most part and we're going to go push the light cycle facility stuff and if they don't get there we're just going to take everything and start taking all the cocaine too and then I'll probably drive them there if not we'll have the stuff I'm tired of having to do this halfway through because they're screwing up something that they want to do it's so damn annoying

Thor Freya

It is ridiculous what I'm saying they're going to be a huge pain in the ass if you cut them off everyone will have to kill them and kind of really need to they suck so damn bad but wow that's a lot of them dying in the polls and those four holes it is a lot without that today we would be in a lot of trouble if we tried to take them on I see how many are left and it's millions of octoons but they're going you're saying too it's far too many but they have to try and take it over from one of their own assholes they fail they're going to die and it sort of get it but they're going because they have to and they're speeding there now

Mac

He doesn't want to give it out but we can we're saying that there are ships there and then a loaded they're 10 to 20 miles long and they're cruise ships and yeah they're going back and forth and they're picking up assholes. We have a couple junkie 20 mile one we're doing the same thing there's a few more we can use if they get destroyed where we build them they'll need to be rebuilt soon anyways but we're trying to make it so they get there huge numbers too huge. The reasoning of sound 400 million empire ships is nothing it seems upon septillions of ships has been down there building and taking stuff and taking all these ships and processing them and some of them are very big and a lot of steel and a lot of titanium and spaceships too well he's probably at the core they're fighting over it but he might be at it and if not is that other iron or deposites that are deep we know he's building stuff and he said he was and we have estimates and you don't want to hear them he says we should put it out there rough numbers if we get it approved and I went and got it approved

300 million class A Star Trek 10 to 20 mi ships

400 million class A Star wars interceptors and imperial warships 5 to 10 miles

700 million class A destiny 2 5 to 10 MI

800 million class A Warcraft Stone chips fuse limestone cured using the method we described already and they figured out themselves the Halls are about 400 ft thick they're hard enough to deflect everything you have you have to hit the same spot for 500 times unless you have the lasers in the spheres these trips are 10 to 20 miles

700 million of the class A Stone ships which are Warhammer than the men for bomber and bombing and there are about that many of the 5 to 10 Mile class same with the stone

300 million class A tanks 20 mi or less is about 1/3 of them or 20 mi and there's cloud with limestone which is hardened

200 million class A fighter jets titanium alloy super fast 25,000 mph Plus in the atmosphere

Ordinance of the wazoo and Vons they're more bombs then Trump had stashed in his areas

700 million Jager 1 mi to 5 mi 800 million Jager half mile two billion Jager quarter mile 300 billion Jager 8th of a mile 700 billion Yeager 800 ft 10 trillion Jager 20 ft $700 Yeagers 15 ft

More later

Thor Freya

650 million lasers 10 miles long 850 million lasers 5 mi long 3/4 of those have spheres in their makeup they're extremely powerful 200 million lasers 20 miles long the place is Jambo stuff down there

[butterballbuttnakey]

🥴

[beetsandskzreads]

silent bright summer night

bang chan x gn!reader, y/n works with skz and became their friend (the ultimate dream haha)

genre: tooth-rotening fluff, slight angst with a happy ending

notes/warnings: nothing intense, this is very fluffy, there's brief mentions of cheating, long distance, y/n's exes, fear of abandonment, slight insecurities, deep talks, reader and chan are slightly wine drunk, y/n and chan are whipped, y/n makes it explicit they want to date someone very warm and caring (aka chan), i don't think that's a warning tho djsjs just saying

scenario: on a balcony, at a beach apartment on a summer night of vacation, y/n opens up to chan about their past and current lovers. what y/n doesn't know is why chan is so interested listening to it.

It was 1:01 am when chan and I found ourselves in the balcony that overlooked the city and it's bright lights on a summer night. Skz had gone to sleep right after all of us came back from a night out of lots of fun, buying stuff on stores by the beach, having ice cream, seeing the view of the city lights reflecting on the sea water, appreciating street artists...

The two of us had been talking the whole evening, we hung out as a group but mostly just spoke to each other and laughed at the members jokes, both of us having a sparkle in our eye every time we saw the group happy. There was this unspoken pleasantness, a bliss, calmness in the air but with a lot of excitement. Chan was so happy to be around the sea with "the kids" as he refers to them and being at the beach almost 24/7 this week, it was like his natural habitat, his home, a comfort place. It left you feeling even softer for him, and as you shared your love for the sea, your feelings were at a peak. You liked Chan, and you loved this place as much as he did.

The night was so great, everyone was out like a lightweight as soon as we arrived to the vacation apartment we're in. Chan and I were testing the theory that a glass of wine would help us get drowsy and help us fall asleep as well, since we both have trouble falling asleep and felt nothing but a remaining excitement from the night out. It came to me especially because of the enthusiasm of talking to him, we were connecting so well, I didn't want this to ever end.

And so we drank (one glass quickly becoming the whole bottle) and we talked for what felt like hours on end, that neither of us wanted to cease.

- My ex best friend, she never quite knew how to choose guys, she always went for the ones that would never turn her way, the ones who obviously wouldn't care about her, not because of her, but because they were really careless guys, walking red flags. - I told him, I couldn't remember where exactly the conversation started but we were talking about nice people picking shitty people to date.

- What about you? - he asked

- Me? I barely even like guys, I mean I do, but I'm really picky actually, I don't allow myself to fall for cold people, I wouldn't forgive myself if I took interest in someone rude, I try so hard to take care of myself so I either stay alone that way or I find someone who makes me feel better, who knows how to take care of me, after all we chase happiness, I think a caring person could do that, someone gentle who isn't scared of emotions or who at least is open to face that fear with me by their side.

- I get it, it's hard to get by if you don't have emotional support, a partner should be able to provide that support, yeah. Did you ever... find someone like that?

- Yeah, in the past I did and even now I do know someone more than ideal... I guess my ex partners when I was young were going through a soft phase tho... I guess everyone has an emotional limit they were scared to cross... once I found that barrier the relationship stoped evolving, reached a dead end and so there was nothing left for me anymore and I left, plus, you know, cheating, long distance, a bunch of stuff really... it wasn't meant to be and I'm okay with that.

- What about that someone right now?

Silence ruled for about 3 seconds before I knew what to say. That someone right now is him. Ever since I've known him feels like he's the only man ever, but I don't think I'd tell him that, not soon anyways.

- What about 'em?

- What's that person like? What makes you trust they're any different from your exes?

- Sometimes I fear they're not, but I set the bar really high and I reset it constantly, to make sure I'm seeing it right, sometimes they seem so perfect to me that I wonder what good have i done in my past life to deserve to be around such a bright person. Of course they make mistakes too, but even the way they deal with them is so... mature, it's so easy to just solve things communicating, it's insane to me. Then I remember it's probably because they're eventually gonna leave me too, or just not reciprocate my feelings and after they break my heart I'll probably loose all hope in love, be heart broken for two years until I decide I'm gonna focus on myself again... it's a cycle after heartbreak, but with this person I'm really scared, because they mean more. I'm way too deep in before I've even expressed my feelings, it's gonna be devastating. - I'm rambling, the wine made me do it.

- What makes you think they wouldn't like you back tho?

- I'm not sure I just... it would be too good to be true and it's complicated... he's amazing and I'm just not sure if he'd be into me, I mean, I think I'm lovable and I think I'd be a great lover, I just don't know if I'm his type or if he'd consider me. We have a bit of an age gap, I'm not someone who's typically pretty or specially good looking, I have my charms but I have no idea if that's enough for him to be in love. It's complicated with each others work too... - I notice chan's gaze on me, he has his head leaned on his hand on the table and he's looking at me with bright eyes, eyes that look tired and a little drunk but somehow, he manages to look at me in a way that makes me feel adored, I don't know why you have to make me feel so much love, Bang Chan - Why are you looking at me like that?

- You have no idea how other people perceive you, do you? - he ignored your question, probably because of his drunk-ish drowsy state - Everyone I know likes you, see, you're a naturally kind and caring person, you're attentive to people's needs, you make sure everyone feels comfortable around you... that's so appreciated by everyone. I think you're exceptional y/n, you have this charismatic way of existing, a refreshing and comfy presence everyone can feel, but to me... it feels like home. You feel like home y/n. So... I have no idea who that person is but I sure as hell know they'd be more than lucky to have you as a partner and they're definitely dumb if they let you go.

- Are you dumb? - my heart's pounding quicker as I'm about to do something I didn't plan on doing ever.

- Huh? No, why w-

- Because that person is you... I like you, Chan. In a more-than-friends way - I interrupt him quickly before I lose my newly found courage.

Chan could've sworn his heart stopped for a few seconds. Suddenly sobriety hit him like a truck. It was the alcohol that made you say that, he thought, but he wished it was true and you didn't drink enough to be lying about this kind of stuff, you had a full on conversation and you seemed pretty sober.

- Y-y/n are you sober? - he tries to navigate through the situation.

- Oh my... yeah I am, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything, it just rolled out of my tongue. I'm sorry... - you said as you panicked and tried to go back inside, regret filling up all your organs.

"I messed up" your brain keeps repeating as desperation starts entering your body, until Chan grabbed your hand, stopping you from leaving.

- Wait! You don't need to apologize, I'm glad you told me... You didn't think I'd say all that about you if I didn't like you as well, did you? - he asks suggestively.

- I don't know - you blush as you realize what he's getting at - You're just so nice to everyone, I didn't make a big deal out of it.

- Well, you should've made it a big deal, the biggest deal actually because I've been trying really hard to show you how I feel these past few days and you were so clueless I thought you were purposefully ignoring the signs because you didn't like me back.

- I'm sorry Channie, I just didn't want to assume stuff and get heartbroken if it wasn't true.

-Well it is true, so you don't need to worry anymore. I really like you too, y/n. And I've wanted to say it for a while too, I was just wondering if it was a good idea since you work with us, but I can't contain my feelings anyways... you always treat me so softly and you look after the kids really well... It just feels like you were made to be by my side, you're the embodiment of the person I've always dreamed to be with, and these past few days with the kids and you... it just felt like we were the perfect family you know? I don't think I could be without you by my side anymore... - he stops, he's been staring at your eyes the whole time and now they're starting to water.

How could you not cry when he's saying the things you thought you'd only ever hear in dreams?

- Why are you crying sweetheart? - he whispered, as he wipes a tear with his thumb, the other hand holding your hand as he stands closer every second.

- It's just... I'm so... happy - you smile through your tears - I'm so happy to hear that, you said it in such a beautiful way too... I feel exactly the same, it's like I've gained a family with you guys but you... I've grown really attached to you, feels like some parts of you are tangled in my heart in ways I couldn't tear apart if I wanted to... I'm drawn to you and when I'm with you it's comfortable, blissful, it's right. You're so good to me, it's unbelievable, but it's true, and it warms my heart. - you say as your foreheads touch and your smile grows, his eyes showing so much adoration for you, you could melt.

Suddenly you share your first kiss together, a soft yet passionate mix of sensations, and it felt like everything you ever felt around Chan but better.

You stare into each other's eyes, smiling like the little lovely goofballs you both were, noses touching, ocasional little pecks filled with giggles because you were whipped for each other.

- So this means we're exclusive lovers now, yeah? - he asks with a blushing face, a very silent giggle and a huge, uncontrollable smile.

- Definitely, yeah - you answer biting your lip until eventually you let out the largest smile you ever had.

Needless to say, you didn't leave that balcony to go to sleep that evening. In fact, you two watched the sunrise kissing and cuddling, talking about the feelings you had for each other, when they started, why you liked each other, covered by a blanket, not wanting to let go of each other now that you were openly romantic.

Han found you both sound asleep, you on chan's lap, head on his neck as his arms wrapped around you gently, on a chair in the middle of the morning. He obviously called all the members to watch you two as they assumed you two finally got together. All of them saw it coming, Chan wouldn't shut up about you and had written what could be an entire album about you.

They were happy at least you'd be around more often to cook your delicious food. And you both blushed really hard once you woke up to lot's of teasing from the kids, it was fine tho, you liked it just like this, it was home.

[reworkingsofatiredmind]

Precarious.

Cocky youth sits idly in office blocks, privilege on their backs, smothered by education, degrees and 'skills'. So, you think you're deserving because you were gifted the opportunity others could only dream of? Meanwhile, the working poor, the people of 40hrs or more and still no roof or food on the table stands to fight for B A S I C rights. But what? They should be at work. They're not exactly earning while they stand to fight. What a fool. Fool? I hope for your sake you never have to work back-break-ing shifts for the 'luxury' of minimum wage, relying on food banks and benefits so you can eat. So you can sleep and wake up just to do it all again. But sure, go ahead and bitch how it won't be fair if minimum wage raises to more than yours. So blind that you can't see how minimum wage raised, indicates YOU also don't earn enough for your trade. But what is 10% of...nothing, anyway? Enjoy your London nights out getting blindingly drunk, cinema trips, and takeaway dinners on the fly. It's hard being so hard-done-by. Those selfish minimum-wage workers so ungrateful for the cold nights in the dark, can't afford to turn on lights. Stuck in a vicious cycle while your privilege makes you think you're owed. God help you should you find yourselves in their shoes. Though perhaps you need a lesson learned. One called E M P A T H Y. Lord knows how easy it is to find yourself working 12-hour shifts, 7 days a week back-breaking work, can't eat, can't sleep. Lift each other up and we will ALL reap what we're owed. Let the 1% suffer and fall, so the 99% can grow.

[siimjaeyun]

01: Immortality

Synopsis: it is part of human nature to be flawed and imperfect, maybe even vengeful when things don't go their way, and when seven boys find themselves in power to show those who are wrong that actions come with consequences, will they choose to keep their immortality?

masterlist

tw: mentions of blood, stabbing, murder, death and slight choking

-------

"Wait let me get this straight. Your solution to the problem is for us to get killed over and over again instead of reporting them to the police?" Sunoo stood at the edge of the room, completely baffled by the older boy's plan. 

"You don't get it Sunoo. This is part of the plan, it's always been. Why did you think we saved you?" Sunghoon took the glass of water from counter and gulped it down slowly before staring at Jungwon and Riki. 

"Your immortality is precious and it's a form of power. This is your new job." 

"What job? I don't want this job." Jay let a hefty sight escape from his lips before pulling the three minors closer to him. 

"I get you don't want to be immortal. None of us chose to be here. Come." Jay went to the nearest drawer and pulled out a scrapbook. 

"This is before we were eighteen." Jungwon furrowed his brows and didn't see a difference between them. 

"But you look the same?" 

"Immortality keeps you at this age. But we were normal teens too, we had dreams." Heeseung and Jake looked down, remembering the days from their own past as well. 

"Then what happened?" Riki asked. 

"We don't remember much of what happened. Memories fade eventually. It's been fifteen years since we entered this new world." Jake waited for a response but instead handed the three boys their belongings. 

"Go on or you'll be late. We'll keep an eye on you from afar, but just go with your mind got it?" The three youngest didn't have much to stay and reluctantly accepted the very non-existent plan. 

"Are we sure about this? What if this is a prank?" Jungwon and Sunoo stopped in their tracks and looked at Riki. 

"I clearly remember being dead so might as well suck it up. Team?" Jungwon put forward his hand and the others followed shouting a cheer before entering the room. 

"Sorry we're late, we got lost since we're not used to the campus grounds." Three heads instantly popped up at the sound of their voice. Impossible: it was impossible for them to be alive. 

"You said they were dead!" One of them whispered, close to entering into a panic. 

"They were! You saw they had no heartbeat." The other responded. Their legs began to shake left and right as well as up and down due to fear, nibbling on their nails and surrounding skin. 

"No worries, just take a seat." As if a feeling inside his heart was about to over take him, Sunoo felt a need to take a seat next to one of the three boys. He plopped his backpack onto the desk and gave a smile wave to the tall boy. 

This was the first trial.

----- 

"Hey! You three come here." The basketball players waved their hands at them in a snapping manner and if on que, Heeseung smirks when he looks down at the time on his watch. 

"Humans really are predictable aren't they?" Jake agrees and continues to listen into the conversation. 

"We're having a party tonight, you should come." Again, right on time. 

"Uhh, I'm not sure…" Jungwon elbowed Riki in the stomach before accepting the kind invitation. 

"We'll be there!" Sunoo quickly answered before looking at Jungwon with confusion. 

"What are you thinking! This is a trap to clearly kill us!" Riki states in a distressed manner. 

"Something is telling me to do so, plus isn't that the plan?" Jay and Sunghoon were amused at Sunoo and Jungwon's quick adaptation to their life. 

"Seems like they've got this, but remember to get the car anyway." Sunghoon slung his backpack lazily over his shoulder and led the way as they waited for the second trial. 

------- 

The night had fallen and almost as if the stars had aligned, Heeseung glanced at his watch once more as Sunoo, Jungwon and Riki stepped into the home where the so-called party was being held. It took half an hour for the three school boys dressed in jerseys to drag out three black bags, body shaped to be exact. 

"Hurry the fuck up man, before we get caught!" The other two obeyed the orders and carried the bags into the trunk of the car with much speed. A small drive later and an empty lot awaited them. 

"Throw them there." The sound of shovels digging surrounded the nearby area, and with the rhythm of the sand and dirt hitting the floor, the three bodies were finally covered. 

"We take this until our death beds. This better get the job done." The car drove off; it allowed for Heeseung and Jay to approach the bodies underneath the ground. 

"5..4..3..2..1" The supposed to be dead boys came from behind the trees dusting themselves off from the sand. 

"That was even more terrible the second time. Drugging us and then stabbing us isn't exactly fun." 

"You did great. You're almost there." Jake complimented only for anger to resound in Jungwon. 

"Look no offense, but I don't know if we can continue this. I don't want to relive the trauma of being murdered over and over again." He loosened his tie and threw it onto the pavement. 

"I'm with Jungwon. Is this really the only way to get the job done?" 

"Yes, now let's go get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be a very long day." Sunghoon patted their backs and led them back. 

Second trial was complete. 

------- 

"How are you boys holding up? Today's sort of the final trial." Jake walked into their room first thing in the morning, bearing food and other trinkets. 

"To be honest, I cried myself to sleep. I'd rather be dead than be doing this. Why were we saved?" Riki asked with slight hesitancy.

"Heeseung and I asked ourselves that every single day since our murder. We were the new kids and well, these two boys weren't exactly fond of us so their plan was to kill us and they were successful. We woke up to this new life and even though I've never been able to come with a clear answer, you'll find out in time. This is a lot. I get it, but you've got each other. This job isn't fun, but you get used to it. The pain isn't even that bad." He left the room almost immediately and went with the others. 

The same scenario repeated once more. Bewildered eyes met the three boys upon their entrance, and paranoia engulfed the three murderers. Heeseung went ahead and peered into the classroom. Shaky legs, check. Nail biting check. Sweat, check. 

"This can't be happening. This isn't real. What if this is a prank?" Sunoo once more waved at them slightly before leaning in towards them. 

"I had fun at the party last night, maybe we can do it again. Or maybe you'd like to rest since I'm sure digging and dragging must be hard work." With innocent eyes, he smiled slyly and gave a head nod to Jungwon and Riki. 

"What's next? I doubt that they'd be willing to get caught up again." It was lunch time, which gave them time to decide on their next move. 

"You go to them. After all, where else would you find your phone?" Riki began to feel into his pockets but found nothing. 

"Damn it." Satisfied, the four left the three kids on their own. 

The clock struck eight when Jungwon knocked on the familiar wooden door which was opened by the oldest school boy. 

"Y-you guys. Why are you here?" 

"We wanted to party like last night but I left my phone here." Jungwon went straight to the nearest bedroom and found his phone comfortably tucked away under a pillow with a recording. 

"Well what do have here? A memory from last night." Sunoo pressed the small play button and let the audio run though. 

"Hurry the hell up will you!" 

"Did you bring your dad's car like I told you? Get on with it." 

"I'm sad it had to come to this." 

"Get them!" Their hands became tightly wrapped around their necks and before they knew it, they had experienced their third death. 

They went back to the familiar lot, repeating the motions and excavating through the hard ground to create a burrow for the bodies. 

"Dump the brown haired one first." When they managed to pat the dirt neatly and move on to the rest of the bodies, they were gone. 

"Huh? Is this the end of the party? But I wanted to have more fun." Sunoo walked out first and showed a small pout while watching terror and horror overtake the players in their presence. Without a thought, the shovel was swung and he came down, falling unconscious. 

"Boooo, all we wanted was to become friends. Is this really it?" Now Riki emerged from the trees, crossing his arms while glancing at Sunoo's body. 

Another swing over took him, but it was time for the final show. 

"Hi! I'm Jungwon and these are my friends Sunoo and Riki. Please treat us well." Jungwon tried to approach them but they instead fled towards the car, struggling to understand what was occurring. 

"Get away you-you ahh!" Jungwon and Sunoo crept from behind while Riki dangled the car keys in front of them. 

"Have a safe ride! Stay safe!" With the final shouts, Heeseung, Jake, Sunghoon and Jay finally left the shadows. 

Jay let out a maniacal laughter, which caused confusion with the three youngest. 

"Good job boys. Good job." Those were the final words he told them before going home. 

As sleep entered their systems, they began to wonder about their actions and Sunghoon's words from two nights before.

Humans themselves were responsible for the consequences. They were complex creatures, sure, but driven by power and greed can betray the good of anyone. They never created the killer. 

Like a cycle, they went at a similar time to the school in the morning only to cause the three boys to break down in tears.

------- 

taglist: @the-moon-lost-in-joy @twntycm  

[ninecrafterns]

Bullshitting your Way To Success: Metalworking Edition

Hi hello!!! I had a really great long post written about the project I did before this one and tumblr simply refused to post it! I unfortunately just do not have the energy to rewrite it again at this time. It will return later.

Anyway suffice to say I haven't actually been to the workshop in a while due to covid reasons so this project is still in progress, but it's pretty cool and I'm excited about it.

This technique is called marriage of metals which I will call mm for short (stupid name. L and I agree). The idea is you connect bits of metal, flat, and then you treat the combo as 1 piece. So you end up with different colored stripes etc.

I decided to make a ring. We were concerned that the mm piece would not be strong enough on its own because to get the final perfect surface you do end up sanding it down a lot, so first I made an under ring for it to go on top of.

WHY did I take a picture of it in this stage lmao it's not even round

Next I get my metal bits and start making stuff up. I'm using silver, brass, bronze, and copper.

I like funky angles so that's what we're doing. I labeled em but forgot soldering burns off the sharpie so it s a good thing I take so many pics

At this point I take a break to practice......line soldering.

Regular soldering: cut a tiny piece of solder, attach it to your piece in the place you want, heat and the solder melts & connects your pieces.

Line soldering: put 2 flat pieces next to each other, heat both at the same time, get a long wire of solder, touch the solder to the perfectly hot metal while moving the solder while not letting it cool down so you create a continuous line of solder between the 2 pieces.

Here's my practice piece which looks like a dumb little fence.....but I DID IT!!!

These are actually mixed metals but you can't even tell because of my extreme discoloration. I don't even remember which they are. I think brass and copper.

Ok so now I have been approved to move on to my actual piece. I soldered it in groups, then soldered the groups together. This is hard because 1) line soldering is hard but also 2) each metal responds to heat differently. Also, if you solder near a previous solder joint you can melt it and lose your work.

I did it! It looks like it's covered in snot but that is FINE IT WILL COME OFF

Me: the hard part is done now all I have to do is bend it into a ring :)

Ha. Hahahaha.

You may have already noticed what I did not which is......the solder seams are perpendicular to the curve of the ring....and the pieces are very small.....such that when we attempt to bend this into a cylinder......all of the solder seams will pop. :)

And so we enter the cycle of bend, pop a seam, solder back together, melt adjacent seam, solder back together.....Then decided best way forward might be to just absolutely flood the entire piece with solder hoping it will hold together and clean it up later.

Someone who has no idea what's going on here: explain this pic. I think it looks like a headless mouse being menaced by a crab

More bending time...

Anti-glamour shot

And now!! Exciting!!! Time to fit it around the under ring:

I REACHED PICTURE LIMIT AGAIN!!! Follow up momentarily

[sunnykeysmash]

S14's theme of Trust: How Global Warming reaffirms the Macden meta we already know

Or, a half reworked set of discussions from my Twitter about the underlying themes of FAITH/TRUST and CHANGE present in this season. Particularly between macden because I don't give a damn for the rest. Sidenote: my twitter thread about trust that takes up half of this post was actually written BEFORE GW came out, and despite that it got reinforced thanks to GW meta.

I apologize in advance if the reading isn't as fluid as it could be, it's hard to order the threads in a single cohesive explanation but I still tried my best. Plus, english isn't my first language.

This post contains speculation that links to my previous meta posts, tagged under "iasip meta". That's where I discuss the theme of change more in detail, not here. They're a little outdated in terms of episode prediction but the meta analysis in them holds up and was reinforced in GW.

The bible = Trust/Faith

So, how does faith/trust get in the way of their relationship? Who has it, who doesn't?

Let's address it. This might be long but bear with me I guess. First we need to address what broke their trust.

North Dakota

(aka the element that broke the link of trust between macden for good, from which they are still trying to recover; and how we got there; their shift in dynamic because of it and how it's a vicious cycle that feeds itself until a breaking point, with no possibility for rational discussion. "How Mac will reject Dennis as a final test to restore their trust")

Part 1: how it affected Dennis

It is my understanding that dennis has been left profoundly scarred by how his decision to leave to north dakota went and he has been blaming the gang for failing to stop him from leaving, and especially blaming Mac. Which lead to the events in Chokes.

Where he felt frustrated at Mac for doing everything Dennis says and never going against him. He's constantly pushing him and being abrasive because he wishes for him to snap and act on his own volition.

Because aside from feeling like he can't trust anyone, and like no one in the gang cares for him, he most of all feels like he can't trust himself. He has been scarred by the consequences of his own actions, and doesn't know what else he might do that could have a similar effect.

Of course a person who can't really trust himself would feel paralyzed, they would not act or do anything. Which is why we are moving away from that, slowly. We need to have this progression in order for Dennis to Realize anything at all.

So Chokes as an episode is sort of a milestone, it runs really deep in multiple overarching events and developments. It's not just fixing macden's dynamic, it's beginning to fix a core problem that stops dennis from reaching macden and that has been prominent at least ever since Tends Bar.

It's something that has been going on in the background for a while, that is touched upon sometimes. Dennis desperately wants the gang to care about him.

So when he is surprised by the RPG on the day that for him is most emblematic of the gang not caring, I think it hit deeper than what we're assuming. His feelings were challenged.

DDL is a result of many things. On the surface it's him wanting to be a dad for his child the way Frank never could for him. I think it was also a test though. If they truly cared, they would stop him. They wouldn't want him to go away.

Now. They don't. That stings. Then things possibly go south in North Dakota. That also stings. It's easy to mentally connect the two and realize the hurt he's experiencing. "If they had stopped me, none of this would've happened" I assume is the correlation he made mentally.

So then he probably thought about Mac, and the gesture he made. He thought that meant something, but then him, like the rest of the gang, did nothing. So he's even more angry at him. "For a moment I really thought he cared, why wouldn't he do something?" Betrayal.

So that to me explains why he's been acting like shit towards Mac. And he's been slowly trying to work through his feelings on the matter, as S13 sorta showed initially, with him not wanting to address it at all for a while, and when he tried again no one cared. He's been trying.

I wonder if it's a possibility that, as we reach the resolution to this circumstance, he will try to bring it up again. I wouldn't count on it necessarily, but character wise it would simply make sense. If he's getting over the problem, he's leaving ND behind. He should, I mean.

Part 2: how it affected Mac

But this isn't just a circumstance that hinders Dennis, it has deeply afflicted Mac too, in a way that is just as personal. "No matter what I do for a person, they can still choose to leave me", it is no wonder to see that side of him exacerbated, then.

Before ND, Mac trusted Dennis' words, enough to let him leave if he said he wanted to, even if it hurt. Before ND, Dennis trusted that Mac would always "be there to catch him if he faltered", that he cared, especially after the RPG moment.

These were true. They could always count on each other, trust each other. ND changed everything, and altered their dynamic in a way that we are still feeling, and still trying to remedy. That Mac and Den especially are still desperately trying to remedy.

They /want/ to go back to their codependent dynamic, they /need/ to. But the way they are desperately trying to is only making things worse and worse, and it's a terrible cycle.

[ The more Dennis rejects Mac in hope that Mac will finally go against him, the more Mac is desperately trying to appease Dennis so that he won't leave him, the more Dennis is annoyed and dissatisfied of Mac's submissive behavior and becomes more abrasive in return. ]

Which is why I think discussing that event is a necessity in order for macden to even happen at all. They theoretically need a face to face conversation to resolve these core insecurities that are getting in the way of their friendship (and possibly more).

It doesn't have to be a romantic thing either, it is just necessary for this conflict to be addressed in order for their dynamic to go back to normal. But that can't happen without a breaking point. We know them enough to assume that they're not gonna just discuss it rationally. It would be the correct way to handle the situation, but they're not like that.

Whether everything resolves positively (as in, their dynamic finally shifting back to before ND) depends on how much they want to stay together and what they are willing to sacrifice or compromise for it. Whether certain grievances can be stronger than their bond itself (and I'm pretty sure they can't, or mac and den would've parted already, long ago).

Mac's internal conflict is likely what will make it so that we have to wait a year. If it just isn't resolved, then he would want proof that Dennis isn't /just saying/ stuff. Den might assure him that he isn't but is that enough for Mac?

How do you resolve a conflict that is basically just a huge almost debilitating fear of abandonment and mistrust of the other person's words? In what way can you possibly prove it wrong?

We know Mac loves Dennis, of course he does. But does he trust Dennis? The way he has been behaving towards him tells me otherwise. He doesn't stand up to him.

Not only that but, more specifically, he's always "interpreting" everything Dennis says, you can see it in Texts for example. He knows den never means what he says, and always has an ulterior motive or hidden meaning. He doesn't take den's rejections at heart too much because he knows they're fake.

So now imagine Dennis has a change of heart. Now he goes to Mac, and he tells him Exactly How He Truly Feels. Knowing the way Mac is used to interpreting Dennis, I don't think he'd believe him. He'd want to, but he probably couldn't.

And I don't think Mac even realizes this lack of trust at all. I think it's gonna hit him exactly as it's happening. He might feel happy at first, then be confused at his sense of uneasiness like he's been used and lied to, like Dennis is saying it to manipulate him.

But that's just for words. Physically speaking, I think Mac is very much aware that Dennis has no intention of ever leaving again, nor can he really. That's how it seemed to be in tggr at least.

The abandonment Mac is afraid of is purely emotional at this point with Dennis. It doesn't need to be a "what if he moves out". More of a "what if he doesn't like me anymore and is using me".

So anyway, about the cycle I mentioned earlier.

This feels like a build up. They can't go on like this forever, they will reach a breaking point. I don't expect them to have an honest and open and calm confrontation and solve their differences before a huge snap of both of them happens, I expect the snap.

You know, either Dennis gets too abrasive and Mac finally "snaps out of him", or Mac gets too submissive and Dennis grows tired of him.

However thanks to Chokes and now Global Warming, we can safely predict it'll be the first one. Chokes set us on a path of Mac making his own decisions, which thanks to GW we know will backfire.

They'll fight, Dennis will be overwhelmed by it as Mac ""leaves"", more on that later, first let me finish my discussion on trust.

I find it suspicious how all the episodes with a semblance of resolution that we have had so far only seemed to fix Dennis' conflicts with Macden. We have failed to address Mac's lack of trust in Dennis' words, even in Texts I think. Especially in Texts.

In Texts it wasn't communication that solved the problem, it was an act, a stare. And we only ever heard Dennis' side of it. Mac at this point already believes that Dennis likes him, so there was nothing new for him to discover at the end.

If anything, it reinforced his belief that Dennis says the opposite of what he thinks, that he isn't honest. Because despite how he's been acting all day, he still saw affection in his eyes, I assume.

But Mac has already always paid attention to what Dennis "really meant", I mean, he does it throughout Texts, thought in the wrong way because it was still through text (miscommunication) and he didn't like to consider the alternative.

I put "really meant" in quotations because Dennis doesn't really work like that. Sure a lot of times Dennis doesn't say what he really means so of course Mac would start interpreting him like that, but there are still many times when he's actually honest. This is just Mac's black and white way of seeing den.

Anyway.

As a result of not feeling heard, Dennis actually developed a heavier and more frequent use of sarcasm. Because if people won't do what he says, then maybe if he says the opposite they'll listen to him. It's a reflex born out of frustration.

Back to the "trust" thing now, because see, all this time Dennis has been acting under the underlying assumption that Mac will choose Him every time. Mac doesn't have this assumption, he has been acting to Prevent Dennis from NOT choosing him.

It's gonna be really interesting, if this turns out to be correct, to see the tables be turned and find out that Dennis was the one with faith. We are used to see Mac believe have it, in god and in their relationship, but ultimately it's Dennis that is trusting Mac to make the right decisions. Which includes choosing Dennis every time.

That's a bigass trust to have for someone who says they have no faith. In contrast to that, what faith has Mac put in Dennis? None that I can think of, he actively does stuff that will please dennis, so far.

"leaving"/"rejecting" Dennis in the finale would constitute, again, Mac's faith in Dennis. He would be choosing something that goes right against everything Dennis wants, having faith that this won't mean they grow apart, and maybe even trusting that it's what Dennis actually needs. And it's what Mac would need as well, as proof that Dennis is serious. Because if he doesn't change his mind, then he is. And you can finally see how the whole season has been constructed as a way to move away from the ND conflict in order to fix their dynamic and broken trust in order to make macdennis work.

This calls back to my meta reading for the first half of the season. Again. This is old stuff. But still accurate.

Some snippets.

I now have a more detailed speculation on how Jumper will go which is no longer the one I had in that meta post, but I will spare you the useless talk and get back to my point. Maybe save that for another post. All I need to say here is that Dennis will be adamant that the answer is SHOULD WE: NO, Mac will want to prove him wrong but Dennis will be proven right, subsequently starting the path for Mac's change of outlook. And what will make him say "no"(t yet) even once Dennis believes they should. Boom, karma.

ANYWAY.

Dennis knows he can depend on Mac or at least he's learning so, Mac isn't sure if he can do the same.

As the two bicker over who had trust in who, and who broke the other's trust, it'll come to the surface, through text, that the roles have shifted. Dennis was trusting Mac all along, Mac wasn't.

Which is why Mac deciding for himself, deciding something that goes against Dennis, saying "no", is the biggest leap of faith Mac can take, the thing that would show us that yes, finally, Mac believes Dennis will still choose him.

TGGR's final part of macden's plot itself shows us Mac accepting Dennis' cynical point of view and losing faith. "I guess we're not gonna get that romantic comedy ending after all". But that is not the note the episode ends with.

Right as Mac accepts that it's not happening, we see Charlie and Frank's ending part of their plot. They're reaching back, they have a new realization. Nikki says that they feel the same way, but they still say no for the time being.

How does this all link to Global Warming, finally?

The Global Warming meta

The jump, the realization, the acceptance, in all the meta I have analyzed in the episodes, it all comes AFTER the explosion, the rejection. First things explode and Mac "leaves", THEN Dennis is overwhelmed and changes his mind, reevaluates. Think of the Nikki&Alexi and Charlie&Frank plot as a frame of reference for this. Think of Chokes also, first Mac says "No", then Dennis is satisfied.

NOW, Global Warming macdennis meta, at its most basic, goes as follows:

Dennis thought what he liked was the sexy girls dancing, then they revolted against him and literally overpowered him, and in the aftermath he has a new outlook on the japanese guys that he once disliked. At the same time as this happens, Mac isn't there to help him.

At the same time, we always see Dennis trying to rationalize his way out of conflicts, and it never working, not with Mac, not with the people in the bar.

Basically, we reach a breaking point in the conflict, and Dennis is overwhelmed by it, Mac doesn't help him in GW, he "leaves", I imagine this symbolizing that Mac finally agreeing with Dennis in the actual final conflict would feel to Den like Mac is "giving up on them". Dennis took Mac choosing him for granted, and he now learns how much trust he had in Mac despite saying otherwise (Chokes) and how much it meant to him. Dennis comes out of it changed.

They both do.

This, as I posted about previously, is all part of "God's plan". Dennis gave Mac back his "free will" in Chokes so that Mac's harsh final decisions could ultimately aid their relationship and trust.

We need Mac to turn Dennis down for the time being AND for Dennis to not change his mind during the wait, for the trust to be restored for both of them. To remedy North Dakota once and for all, and move into the macdennis territory. In a year, aka next season.

So finally, we can see how TGGR, Chokes, Texts and now GW all work together as milestones that set us in that direction.

[tenderlyrenjun]

idk what ure going thru rn but please you need to stop saying that youre not worth it that you dont deserve good things. every time people send kind words to you, you always say that theyre too kind. no honey, im telling you if they find your fics are good then what they say regarding them is true and you deserve all the compliments

i get it that people always complain for things they dont like (i do too) but sometimes you just have to accept it, slowly change your mindset, are you here to please other people or are you here to write because you find writing is comforting. im so sorry in advance if i sound harsh or if my words hurt you but i really dont want to see you degrading yourself like that. dont hate yourself, you are enough, you deserve to be treated humanely too. believe me, people will eventually come and read your fics if they find it good and before all that you, urself, need to love your writings first.

Technically, this is "dual homework" from my therapist. She always gives me "homework", which is honestly ......... the worst. I literally hate it. I hate applying anything I learn from therapy because it feels like common sense when I'm told and then when I do it, I feel stupid. And I've told her this but "hard work pays off" and blah blah blah. It's awful and stupid, but it's something I'm supposed to do. Anyways, the homeworks are (1) to stop talking negatively to myself, like you said, and (2) to write down my feelings/thoughts 🙂 both of which completely contradict each other. It's supposed to, like, show that everything in feeling is temporary and that it's just my anxiety talking down on me, etc. etc. It's homework from my therapist, but it seems "worrisome" to people who don't know that I'm literally In Therapy, or when I use this space as a vent blog. I don't feel worthy of anything, and I don't think that I deserve any kindness that stems from people acknowledging any of my worries - it's what keeps my anxiety in this positive feedback loop. And it's worse because I literally majored in neuropsychology. I know what's wrong with my brain; I know that what I'm feeling is "not normal" but everything feels right. It feels right to yell at myself and "remind myself" that I am lonely for the specific defect that is my crippling anxiety. I always second guess everything because I can't help it. My brain rewords everything, unless I specifically have people telling me "hey!!! hey!!! hey!!! this thing?? this is the good thing" because I'm really fucking good at gaslighting myself and getting other people to agree with the negative parts of my brain.

This isn't really mean or harsh or anything; it honestly sounds like something my therapist would say and how she would say it. We're "working on" me slowly reducing how negatively I talk about myself, and trust me, everything currently on my blog right now is significantly less than before I was seeing her. I still feel worth less than nothing all the time, but, like, that's normal for me and I'm trying to break that normal but it's hard. And I usually crash hard after posting anything on this website anyways. Like, I just ... can't really see what other people see. I'm very isolated in this tiny corner on tumblr, and I've just stopped trying to branch out at this point because I've had bad experiences over the past couple of years. I started writing on tumblr in like 2016 and stopped in 2017 (criminal minds fandom) after getting a bunch of anon hate for a sad fic, then I joined for nct in 2019 and stopped in 2020 for all the anon hate, and now it's 2021 and I'm back again like an insane person for nct. And it's just this cycle of ... emptiness.

And I do like my writing. I only post fics that I like, but not everyone likes my fics, so I get worried and anxious. I sit in this isolated corner on tumblr waiting and waiting, and then I read my own fics and then I start to try to figure out why people don't like it - too much plot, not enough smut; too boring, zero emotion; no time stamps so people can't determine the progression; no background info at the beginning so people don't know what's going on; too much exposition, not enough dialogue; the plot/trope is overdone and people are sick of reading it; the fic is too long; the fic is too descriptive; the fic isn't inclusive enough; etc. etc. - you think I'm being harsh against myself but these are all criticisms that I've gotten from people and been told to change. I try to say but this is my writing style and I like how I write, but I've been criticized for begging for compliments when I just want to talk about my fic like I think some points are cool and I genuinely like my fics until I post them. That's why I always do previews and talk about them as I write, but no one cares unless the fic is finished and then when it is ....... not even then. I don't know when I'm supposed to wait for people to read and like them. I'm not part of networks because I tried in the past and it didn't work out; I had to leave. I don't have writer mutuals; I'm literally blocked by a ton of writers - one of them I reblogged her thing and in the tags I debated if I should participate in her tag and then she blocked me. I quite literally do not show up in the tags which is why I make stupid Ad posts like "read time out here! tropes: xxx; excerpt: xxx; blah blah blah".

And I won't send my fics to other writers again because I've had writers accuse me of fishing for compliments that way; I sent my fic to one writer mutual at the time before she stopped writing when she wanted to read more of a smut trope with yangyang and she just went "oh, I've already read it". Between you and me, I think she was being nice because she didn't like it. I've had also people come on anon to tell me how desperate I am and it's no wonder why people don't interact with me, and no one owes me anything (I don't know if you see this often but it's my constant reminder for myself that no one owes me anything, not even interaction, because I've had anons tell me that and that is the sole reason I deleted my last blog). It just sucks because I've tried everything to put myself out there, and it doesn't work. I think that I'm just the problem, and my anxiety makes me agree with myself