just for me:
a catalogue:
Tape Guy
He sits on the left shoulder. He isn't exactly part of you but he has a big stack of video tapes of your memories, and those are part of you. He pushes a video into your ear of times you were an idiot, cringe or shitty, and plays it on repeat while indicating that you should draw your own conclusions.
Shoulder Lawyer
We know this one: he is small and he sits on the right shoulder and, as we have discovered, he is a bullshit artist. He cherrypicks the evidence that Tape Guy and the Brain take in and makes the case that you cannot prove the guilt of anyone who hurt you. He says 'it didn't happen, and if it happened it wasn't anyone's fault, and anyway my client is just a sad little birthday boy and you are an unreliable vindictive slag.' it is very important to him to preemptively discredit you in case you say something that might incriminate someone, so he devotes his time 24/7 to establishing your poor character. He is not a real lawyer and he's being paid to do this. He is not part of you at all, he pretends to be an objective third party outsider and he is, of course, Not That, he's a guy who's personally deeply invested in discrediting you. No part of this guy is You.
Brain/Data Centre
this probably isn't a guy. It's a computer, but it's also you - it's a part of a person, not a machine, but it is a calculator not an animal. It takes in data - all data: how you feel, how your body acts, what your first thought is, what the lawyer says, what other people say, how people move and react, emotional input, what's happened in the past, what other people have said - and it uses that to construct theories.
The Brain is very verbal, structured and precise. It moves very fast - often so fast it's absorbed and developed a new theory before it's finished expressing the previous one. So it's precise but it's not clear, it's often interrupting itself or running parallel overlapping processes. What the Brain is trying to do is Make It Make Sense. The Brain is trying to get as close as it can to the truth of something. It understands everything as a useful data point, but it takes all of them as being valid, so it's very susceptible to the suggestions that the Shoulder Lawyer makes because it understands falsehood and misdirection very well, and considers them useful data points, but it doesn't understand the idea that someone within the system would be putting in bad inputs on purpose. It lives in the head, mostly in the front half of the skull cavity, behind the forehead.
The Accountant
The Accountant isn't entirely a separate guy - he's a sort of outpost or partial avatar of the Brain. If he's a person, he is gaunt and full of extremely directed nervous energy. He lives in a very close-to-the-surface thin space between the skull and the skin of the forehead, and he runs the numbers that the Brain has available and tries to balance the books. He makes plans and suggests strategies. He has two motivations; to help you move forwards productively and to balance the costs, which will be many. Part of his job is to assess what you can and can't afford to lose, what will cost more in the long run, and how much you need to keep in reserve for the future in order to keep the system running and have a buffer for emergencies. He thinks in spreadsheets and flowcharts, and he wants the Brain to give him the best possible data picture so he can make the least costly and most profitable decisions. He doesn't decide what profit is, though, that comes from lower down. He is a guy, but he's definitely part of you - he's a guy your brain made to interact with the outside world.
[Gesture towards the chest]/🌄
The Brain tries to interpret it, but because they can't communicate directly, the Brain has to guess by observing how it acts. The Brain constructs a lot of theories based on inputs and outputs, but it can't convert any of its actual [thoughts (?)] into meaningful data because their language is mutually unintelligible. The Accountant and the Brain can't convince it of things, or understand with clarity what it wants, not because it doesn't think but because they can't communicate.
This doesn't have a name, and it can't have a name, because it isn't a person and it doesn't use words. It is very much You and it is highly, highly sentient and conscious, but it is very much not any kind of guy or a comprehensible mind. It is a roiling orange and red glowing thing that is in constant turning fluid motion in the chest cavity.
Where the other parts are anthropomorphic, animal, or very verbal machines, this is a completely alien sort of consciousness. It doesn't really have sensations attached to it, but it moves and swells and makes itself known by pressing against the things near it. As far as you can tell, the ways it pulses, expands or moves faster or slower are how it communicates itself, and it's clearly a complex language, but not one that has any relationship to a verbal one or that's comprehensible to you, the Brain or the Guys.
The Body
I mean all of this is happening in your body. But The Body lives in the belly, under the diaphragm and above the hips, and if you ask what the body is doing, your attention first goes there then branches out to everywhere else.
The Body is animal, it's meat and biological mechanisms. It includes all physical reactions from crying to sore knees. What the body wants is the mechanisms of survival - it isn't really a thinking thing, it's a very wet and alive machine which can go wrong or function differently in response to stimuli.
Because the Body sits right up against the chest cavity, and because it just responds to stimuli rather than trying to understand things, the Body is the most likely to react to 🌄. The movement of 🌄 presses down into the Body and triggers impulses (like nausea or crying) which are the main way the Brain can collect data on the movements of 🌄 and make assessments about what it's thinking.
The Body is purely reactive. It doesn't have any motives of its own other than to keep functioning. It throws up flags or sets off alarms when something happens that might impede it, but it isn't sentient - it's only alive. It 'wants' me to sit down like a car 'wants' me to fill it up. It doesn't respond to the Brain, the Brain observes it and the Accountant suggests appropriate changes to your behaviour to adjust the inputs you're giving the Body.
The Guard
This is either a guy or a muscle group. He lives in the back of the oesophagus and the surrounding muscles, and his job is to stop the constant rising movement of 🌄 from getting out into the throat and mouth. I think his job might originally have been to connect the 🌄 to the Brain but now he's full-time committed to tamping down the 🌄 in case it floods or erupts.
He alerts you about high motion and agitation of the 🌄, and, if the tide gets too high, he clamps the gap shut and and clings on for dear life. He's also the guy who keeps you calm and together in a crisis - he holds you steady and keeps you breathing while the Accountant works.
The Ineffable Exhortation
This isn't a new voice but it's reaching through. Initially you didn't think it had a physical place in the body and it was just You, but now you've located it in the lower back of the head, just behind the soft palette, nestled in deep. This is absolutely part of you. It says things like 'you should touch a tree' or 'you want to talk to this specific person right now' or 'that's not right'
It doesn't necessarily explain its reasoning, although I think it has reasons. It talks sometimes, but mostly it works quietly, and the only evidence it's working is that it occasionally asks for food or rest or makes specific requests.
It only speaks in order to tell you what to do, which is ok because what it asks you to do is basically always a good idea (or completely neutral, like 'touch a tree' or 'sit on the floor'). It doesn't boss you, it just says quietly, calmly, and with considered certainty 'you need to...'
Kind of like the Body, it's asking for things it needs to run its processes. Sometimes those things are obvious ('you need to have X conversation') and sometimes they're extremely esoteric and seemingly random ('you need to rearrange these boxes'), but I trust that they're ingredients it needs to run itself.
Unlike the Body, which is a purely reactive system, the Ineffable Exhortation is all sentience. Like the Brain, it is devoted to processing; unlike the Brain, it doesn't loop you in most of the time. It's capable of speech, but it chooses to keep quiet unless it has something specific to request.
I am reasonably sure that the Ineffable Exhortation is the only part of you that can speak both verbal language and the language of the 🌄 with equal fluency. It knows directly, from the horse's mouth, what the 🌄 wants, and it also knows what the Brain wants and keeps an eye on the Body. It works very hard to translate all three into instructions, but it only speaks when they're all in agreement, and because the Brain and 🌄 can't communicate directly, it is doing a whole lot of mediation and translation to get even one thought together.
The Guard gets in the way of the Ineffable Exhortation a lot, and historically has been quite hostile to the Ineffable Exhortation, not because he dislikes it, but because it agitates the 🌄. This both prevents the Exhortation hearing from 🌄, and prevents the Brain from hearing from the Exhortation, because the Guard is often standing between the Exhortation and the Brain and refusing to let them talk in case it upsets the balance.
The Brain values the Ineffable Exhortation, which gives it another very clear sets of data points to triangulate with, and helps it guess what the 🌄 is doing. But the Guard gets in the way of the Brain hearing from the Ineffable Exhortation.
The Accountant is neutral towards the Exhortation, except inasmuch as part of his risk analysis involves weighing up the costs and benefits of obeying the Ineffable Exhortations. He does weigh his calculations towards the Exhortation, though, because past experience suggests it's likely to have unexpected benefits.
The Shoulder Lawyer fucking hates the Exhortation. This is because the Shoulder Lawyer's whole job is to cast doubt on the reliability and certainty of you as a whole system, and the Exhortation is utterly certain. There is not a glimmer of self-doubt in the Exhortation. You can deny its requests because the Accountant says despite his best efforts to square the sums, they're impractical or impossible at the moment, but you cannot disbelieve in the rightness of them, or think they're the Wrong Call.
The Exhortation only says things it is 100% sure of, beyond a shadow of doubt. Unless it knows them to be the correct thing, it keeps them to itself and continues processing; once it is 100% sure what needs to happen to move the process forward, it will tell you, gently but insistently. If the Exhortation's demand fades, you don't have to do it - it's found another route forwards. If it persists, it's because you need to do it.
The Lawyer hates the Exhortation because the Exhortation is immune to the Lawyer. The Exhortation can't be convinced by an argument and it can't be called upon to doubt itself.
The Exhortation isn't in charge. It isn't God or a boss or a pilot. The Exhortation just processes everything that the Brain and the 🌄 (which are the fundamental thinking parts that are entirely You) have to say, and coalesces it into meaning.
It provides action, but in a different way to the Accountant. The Accountant is receiving instructions about what you aim to achieve and translating those into individual steps and checks; the Exhortation is what produces the aims. It doesn't always explain what they are or what they have to do with each other (although the Brain tries to connect those dots, because that's what it does), it just combs through all the complexity and mess and overlapping information that the Brain, Body and 🌄 are working with, and coalesces them to the core.
(this is the bit that says 'this is holy' or 'this is a moral good' and it's also the bit that says 'you should eat a burger' and 'you want to stay on the sofa'. All its statements are delivered in the same certain, factual tone, without more or less weight, but the Accountant is running numbers that say 'a burger costs too much and you can get 90% of the same benefit with any protein' or 'it will cost a lot to die on this hill but it will break the system to ignore it, so we have to do it'
The Guard keeps you thinking straight in a crisis, but it's the Exhortation that allows you to stay the course. The Exhortation knows that this is all going somewhere, and it can tell the difference between a discomfort that is just doing you harm, and the kind of pain which is happening as a side effect of change. It says 'hunker down' or 'guard yourself' when it's a storm to survive and get out of and it says 'this needs to happen' when the storm is the only way to get where you're going.
You do not think the Exhortation is the voice of God. It is definitely part of You, and it isn't delivering instructions from on high, it's reporting out the aggregate results of the calculations and inputs that the rest of You are working on. However, you do think that the Exhortation could be mistaken for the voice of God, and that it has a lot to do with That of God. But it's important to know that the Exhortation is coming entirely from You. There's no outside force involved.
The Exhortation can probably be wrong, but maybe not? It could easily be wrong if it ever made statements about the world outside You, but it doesn't - it says what You need, and it is the best placed of anything in Yourself or in the world to know that.
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Assigning Each Son Of Feanor A Grand Relic From The Adventure Zone: Balance Because There’s Seven Of Each Of Them And Also I Do Not Want To Be In This Work Meeting Right Now
Maedhros - The Bulwark Staff. The Relic of abjuration, the school of protection magic. Created out of pure, fierce determination to protect one’s family, the Bulwark Staff allows its wielder to cast powerful spells of shielding. Perfect for the consummate older brother whose entire thing is very much about holding the line (see: all of the emotions I have about Himring as a concept), and also the parallels between Maedhros and Lucretia are so much. They’re both such Bright Clear Line people, taking it all on themselves to see the mission out and stand in the way of the existential horror threatening everyone, and the worst things they do are driven by such a genuine desire to do what they feel they must for the people they care about the most. (For those familiar with both, does it surprise anyone that I love Lucretia so much also?)
Maglor - The Temporal Chalice. The Relic of divination, allowing its wielder control over the flow of time, it sways and corrupts with a promise: You will have the power to undo your greatest mistake. Heavily associated with decisions and regrets, it would be quite wonderfully reflective of Maglor, whose awareness of how wrong his actions are, clear regret of them, and yet simultaneous inability not to continue down the path decided for him is what makes him most compelling.
Celegorm - The Gaia Sash. Okay this one is low-hanging fruit, but it fits so extremely well. The Relic of conjuration, the Gaia Sash gives one the ability to create, control, and communicate with nature. Celegorm deserves godlike plant-bending abilities. As a treat. Let him have this. I also definitely have feelings about Merle being this wonderfully irreverent cleric, specially chosen by the God Of Nature across every universe, and Celegorm’s whole deal as a chosen/paladin of Orome.
Caranthir - The Phoenix Fire Gauntlet. Powers-wise, the Relic of evocation is the most straightforward of the seven, and I feel like that fits Caranthir very well. Lup is associated with fire on a literal level, yes, but also because she’s warm, she’s the connection point for the whole group, and I can see this on Caranthir too, being the one to befriend the dwarves and the humans and to establish this empire of connections everywhere, and Lup’s bright, fierce protective rage is such a good interpretive filter for Caranthir’s fiery temper. Also, the imagery of the Gauntlet burning everything around it down into a perfect circle of black glass just fucks severely on him.
Curufin - The Oculus. Curufin needs to be associated with the Relic whose ability involves summoning illusions so powerful that its wielder can make them reality, because he is a smith and a creator and this aspect is very fitting for him. Curufin also needs to be associated with the Relic of illusion for thematic being a pale imitation of Feanor reasons. Curufin also needs to be associated with Davenport, the character who loses his entire sense of self with the mission because his entire sense of self IS the mission, even if these things happen in extremely different ways.
Amrod - The Animus Bell. The Relic of necromancy, capable of tearing a soul from its body. Thematically perfect and wonderfully dark for the character called the Fated, and as I am a crispy Amrod truther at heart, the associations with violent, abrupt, unfair, being quite literally torn away by death, are in fact very necessary.
Amras - The Philosopher’s Stone. The Relic of transmutation, capable of turning anything into anything else. It’s nothing if not a metaphor for the way that Taako masks, tries to mold himself in wherever will fit him while remaining deeply convinced of the extremity of his isolation, having lost his twin and having become lesser for it. I am a crispy Amrod truther, and extremely obsessed with Amras also as a character who feels like half a person after losing his twin, and transmutation is so wonderfully reflective of the undefined nature of his place in the narrative.
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so. i've had an idea for a warrior cats fanfiction story, and have spent the last few years hammering out characters, the clans, how they work, the story... a whole lot of stuff. i've tried writing it before, and right now i don't have a current draft of early chapters, but I did recently write out a scene from much later in the story, and i'm pretty happy with it, soooo... here! a warrior cats fic scene i wrote in like an hour a week ago
By the time she led ShadeClan to the Gathering site, Emberstar felt her anxieties lessen. Her foreleg ached from the effort of the journey, but she kept her head high. Beside her, Acornfall glanced back at their clan, then nodded over to Emberstar. He led the clan down into the Gathering hollow, and Emberstar padded over to the slope up to the leader’s perch. PineClan and CliffClan cats were already quietly milling about in the hollow, and up on the overhang she could see Lakestar and Wolfstar waiting. There was no MoorClan scent among the gathered cats.
Emberstar made her way up the slope she’d seen Gorsestar and Froststar before her traverse. It was a thin path, slowly becoming steeper and steeper as she slunk closer to the overhang, finally reaching the steep, gravelly slope that led up to the leaders’ perch. Down at the base of the cliff, she could see Acornfall joining the other deputies with a polite nod of his head, and Troutfoot was carefully weaving her way through the crowd to meet with the other healers. Emberstar twitched her whiskers when Lakestar and Wolfstar noticed her. She crouched and tensed her back legs and leapt up the slope.
It wasn’t enough to reach the top, but she reached out with her forepaw and sunk her claws into the loose gravel and dug her back paws into the ground to keep from slithering back down. She slowly inched forward, moving a kittenstep at a time, but she kept her eyes fixed on the other leaders, more determined than ashamed of herself. Emberstar forced herself up the slope, but her heart skipped a beat when the gravel under her paw proved too loose to get a good enough grip- so close to the top, too. What a shame she had no other forepaw to lash out and find a grip with.
Emberstar felt herself begin to slide back down the slope, but a pair of jaws grasped her by the scruff and hoisted her up onto the overhang. She clawed at the grass and stumbled a step when let go and turned to meet Wolfstar’s amused gaze. “Careful there, three-paw,” the CliffClan leader gruffly purred. “It’s bad luck to fall at your first Gathering as leader.” She brushed past Emberstar to sit back down next to Lakestar.
With a huff, Emberstar followed her with a shake of her pelt. “I appreciate your help, but I would have been fine on my own. I suppose I owe you now?”
Wolfstar’s whiskers twitched. “Are you saying ShadeClan is now in CliffClan’s debt?”
The young leaders stared at each other, then broke out into amused purrs. Lakestar rolled her eyes and wrapped her tail around her paws. “So, you are ShadeClan’s leader now, Emberstar? Or is it still Emberblaze?”
“It is Emberstar now. I visited the Moon Cavern for my lives only a few sunrises ago.”
“May StarClan light your path as leader, then.” Lakestar stiffly dipped her head. Despite the brusque words, there was genuine respect in her pale eyes.
Wolfstar’s own eyes were still bright with humor. “You’ll be great, I know it. What happened to Froststar, then?”
Emberstar narrowed her eyes and turned her gaze to the gathered cats. “I’ll explain that once the Gathering begins. MoorClan is late tonight.” She surveyed the crowd of cats, peering straight down at the huddled healers. Sitting with her back to her PineClan clanmates, Flarelight was sitting close to Troutfrost. After a moment, she gazed up at the overhang, and her eyes met Emberstar’s. Her eyes grew wide and she stared at her littermate for a long moment until another healer got her attention. Then, as if she’d seen nothing, Flarelight flicked her tail and joined the conversation. Her twitching tail-tip was the only hint that she was distracted. Emberstar blinked. She’d become leader so recently that not even the other healers knew, much less the other clans’ warriors. In the crowd of CliffClan cats, she spotted Sunscorch, sitting with his fur brushing Moonwhisper’s, his eyes wide and his body stiff while he stared at his sister up on the overhang.
Poor Sunscorch, so softhearted under those honed claws and strong limbs- he was likely to take the news of Froststar’s death the hardest. Emberstar held his gaze, blinked slowly, and turned her head to the sky. The moon was nearly overhead, and still MoorClan was absent.
“You ought to start the Gathering now,” Wolfstar growled to Lakestar. “It’s newleaf, after all, and if MoorClan’s late then they’re late.”
“We should wait,” Emberstar sharply mewed. “This is my first Gathering as leader, so it would be disrespectful to me as well as MoorClan if we begin without them. It may anger StarClan as well,” she finished in a murmur, flicking her tail-tip up at the sky. Wolfstar just bushed out her stormy gray fur and huffed.
Lakestar gazed up at the sky. Emberstar looked over at her. For so long, as an apprentice, as a warrior, as the deputy, she’d never dared to be so close to the cold PineClan leader. But now, she was barely a tail-length from the sleek silver tabby, and they sat as equals in standing. Lakestar was likely at less than nine lives and Emberstar was without a right foreleg, but they were equals nonetheless.
She was knocked from her thoughts by Wolfstar headbutting her. The larger cat nearly shoved her off-balance. “Glad to see that we’re both finally up here. I was waiting to see when you’d catch up, three-paw.”
Emberstar licked Wolfstar’s ear. “You know I must take things slower than you.”
“Who’d you pick as deputy?” Wolfstar leaned over the edge to inspect the group of deputies. “Hm- Acornfall?”
“He’s a good warrior. Older than me by four seasons, so I trust his advice and his skill.”
“I thought you would have picked Lavenderflash. Or maybe Darknose, you two always seemed close.”
Emberstar gazed down at Lavenderflash, spotting the pure-black molly quickly- she was almost certain there was obvious fondness in her eyes as she looked at her former apprentice. “Lavenderflash is… young and still training her first apprentice. She is a good, loyal warrior, but not fit to be deputy or eventual leader in my mind. And Darknose…” The tom was sitting at the edge of the crowd, alone. “He is a possibility, but he still mourns his brother even all these moons later, so I don’t know if he would be the best choice.”
Wolfstar made a sniff of approval, then her gaze snapped to the far hill. A yowl rang out, and the three leaders pricked their ears and the cats in the hollow turned to see MoorClan finally arrive, led by Applestar. Emberstar sat stiffly until she spotted Glowflame in the crowd, side-by-side with Orangeclaw. He joined the cats in the hollow with his clan while Applestar broke off to climb up to the overhang, and he seemed to murmur something to Orangeclaw before she angled her ears up at Emberstar. Glowflame looked up and spotted her, and his jaw dropped open. Emberstar couldn’t help but let out a purr of affection for her brother as he gaped in amazement at her.
Applestar greeted the other leaders when he finally joined them, nodding briefly at Emberstar, and hurriedly sat down next to Lakestar, his mottled fur standing up along his spine. The leaders gave the cats in the hollow a few moments to settle down. In that time, Emberstar saw her littermates make their ways through the crowd towards each other. By the time Lakestar threw back her head and yowled to signify the beginning of the Gathering, Flarelight, Sunscorch, and Glowflame sat huddled together with their eyes trained on their sister. Emberstar met their gazes for just a heartbeat and felt the final icicles of her anxiety melt away.
She then turned her head to watch Lakestar as she began to announce her clan’s news for the moon, and reminded herself of what she had to announce when it was her turn. She was ShadeClan’s leader, now. StarClan had approved of her. Emberstar lifted her chin and, with a deep breath, finally settled into her place at the head of her clan.
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