#anyways I'm trying to wrap up chapter 3 of Love will cost you an arm and a leg tonight so it can be posted tomorrow

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Thinking about how people tend to pick up on specific words from other languages they're learning (especially slang) and use it over and over, like Pac saying "Shenanigans" or Fit saying "Fofoca" or Phil (and the rest of the server practically) saying "No Mames."

It just reminds me of my time working with Japanese college students, and how they all suddenly started saying "Awesome!" practically every other sentence one day after hearing me say it + explaining what it meant to them. It still makes my heart melt a bit thinking about it.

[sunshine-on-my-mind]

𝕋𝕚𝕞𝕖 𝔸𝕗𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝕋𝕚𝕞𝕖

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 3

pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

words: 5.2 k

series warnings: 18+ (minors do not interact) mature themes, smut, ANGST, Fluff, toxic parents

chapter warnings: 18+ (minors do not interact), ANGST, heartbreak, crying, yelling, arguments, pregnancy, child birth, arranged marriage, toxic parents, curse words, fluff, soft moments, mentions of alcohol, being drunk, jealousy.

series summary: Steve and you were mean to be together, but life had other plans. Your heart belongs to Steve and you’ll do anything for him, even at the cost of your own happiness.

a/n: This chapter is kind of fast paced and I'm honestly nervous about it. Reader and Steve's different emotions are depicted in this chapter. And in this series, Bucky and Steve don't know each other. The concept behind this series has been given by @zaraomarrogers. Hope you all like it and if you do please reblog or comment. I’d love to hear from you. If you want to be added to the series taglist let me know.

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You didn’t know what to expect from Mr. Barnes. That was the first time you met him. All you knew was that you had to be careful, specially because you were not alone anymore, you had to think about your baby.

“Hi” The man- Bucky, sat across you when you two went out the next day after that dinner. You didn’t get a chance to talk properly the day before and Bucky wanted to know you better since you were practically strangers.

“I know this is not an ideal way of getting married, but I want you to know, if you don’t want to get married, I’ll understand. This is all very sudden.” Bucky told you.

“I don’t have much of a choice” you tried to say politely. Bucky furrowed his eyebrows trying to read you. You looked like you were in pain and trying hard to not show it with that polite smile on your face.

“I understand.” Bucky nodded “Honestly it’s the same for me. Parents right?” He chuckled softly, your smile was turning into a genuine one. Bucky seemed… nice.

“Where’d you go?” He waved his hand in front of you

“Sorry, I was just, um thinking.” Bucky nodded.

You both had lunch, he seemed caring, asked you if you liked the food, or needed something else.

“So was I bearable?” Bucky asked with a chuckle. You nodded with a smile.

“Thank you for lunch”

“If we have to get married, I guess it’s better we at least get to know each other better? Try being friends?” Bucky suggested.

Friends? That did sound nice, considering you had no one else, a friend would be nice. And all of a sudden you were reminded of the only true friend you ever had. Your best friend, your Steve.

Bucky was wiping your cheeks, and you looked up at him. You didn’t even realise you were crying.

“Are you okay? What happened? Did I say something wrong?” Bucky had concern in his voice. And in that moment, after quite sometime, you felt comforted.

You looked into his eyes and tried to find deceit. Anything that would make you want to run the other way, not that you had a choice anyway, still. But you were only met with genuine concern.

“Yeah sorry, I’m alright just, got reminded of someone.” Bucky waited for you to go on.

“Can I- can I trust you Bucky?” You sniffled. Maybe it was all too soon but you didn’t really have much time or another option. The man nodded earnestly.

You told him about Steve, about your love for him, about what your mother did. Bucky couldn’t believe someone could be so ruthless, that too your own mother. Sure Bucky wasn’t getting married willingly either but he wasn’t blackmailed like that into getting married.

“It’s really awful, I don’t know what to say, you’re so strong, I don’t think I could have done what you’re doing.” Bucky wrapped one of his arms around you and you leaned into his touch.

“There’s something else I’ve to say.” What you were about to say was way more risky than what you had already confessed. “I’m pregnant with Steve’s baby.” Bucky’s face was unreadable.

“Listen I know this won’t be easy for you but I really want to protect my baby. You’re the only one who knows about this, if my mother gets to know she-“ You broke down into tears again.

“Hey look at me.” Bucky put his hands on your shoulders “You’re worried about me not finding it easy, when it’s you who are going through so much? I don’t even matter here, it’s you who has to decide what you want. Just because I’ll be your husband that doesn’t mean I’ll have the right to dictate your life.” Bucky took a deep breath as you looked visibly less worried.

“Will you help me then? Help me protect this baby? You wanted to be friends right, i really need a friend right now.” And Bucky’s smile said it all.

Walking down the aisle, you were met with a pair of blue eyes, not the one you hoped for but at least a friendly one.

Your life had really become a large blur which was just a tiny bit eventful at times. Like when you shifted to the other side of the country with Bucky. You were so happy to be away from your parents.

When you went for a check up and came home with a sonogram of your baby. Everything had to be hush hush so you were glad Bucky had contacts. Which also helped you to stay updated about Steve.

Steve, oh how much you missed him everyday. It had been months, your baby was growing every day. You tried to imagine what it would have been with Steve there beside you. He was always so caring, you were sure he would have become extra caring and protective about you.

You were so grateful for a friend like Bucky, things could have been so much worse- you didn’t even want to think about it.

“You know you can see someone if you want to, I have told you before as well. You already do so much for me- I want you to have a life” you pouted, but it was just a cover for your guilt. Bucky narrowed his eyes while he served you dinner. He could sense what you were feeling.

Over time, Bucky started understanding you little by little. He knew you appreciated him very much, still many times you preferred keeping your walls up. It’s not that you didn’t trust him, Bucky knew that right then he was probably the closest person to you. You were just too broken to completely let down your guard and your husband never pushed you. Not only did Bucky respect you, but also your love for Steve.

“I’ve told you I have a life and I like my life. Let’s focus on the baby for now okay? You’re in your last month, and we’ve come a long way. We can think about everything later hmm?” You nodded. Bucky was such a nice man, and a great friend.

When you were in the delivery room, in so much pain, you closed your eyes and your mind went to your safe space – Steve.

‘You can do it bubble’ you heard his voice in your head. You gave everything you had in you to welcome your baby in the world.

So grateful for Bucky’s presence in that room and his encouraging words.

You were so glad to have come this far. Your mother had stopped meddling in your life after your marriage and since you were on the other side of the country, it was easier to keep everything a secret. One time though, you got scared when she had invited you and Bucky to some event, you were already six months pregnant then, but thankfully Bucky had come up with the excuse of being extremely busy with work and it had worked, somehow.

In that moment, on the delivery bed when you were about to pass out, when Steve’s voice in your mind started becoming louder and louder, little cries brought you back to reality.

A daughter.

Her cries were the most beautiful sound you had ever heard. When you held her in your arms for the first time, you already knew what you were gonna call her.

Hope Sarah Rogers.

“Hi baby, i love you so much, you have no idea” You held her close. When Hope opened her eyes, it felt like you saw the ones you were desperately looking for. Those same beautiful blue eyes. A soft but tired smile appeared on your face. Everything had been quite tough but it was so worth it. Your baby girl was worth it.

The first month after Hope came into your life, things were magically in your favour but then one call from your mother acted as a reality check. Yes you had Bucky, your friend beside you who tried his best to look after Hope as well as you, but you knew things couldn’t go on like that. Granted your mother had no idea about your daughter’s existence but for how long? You weren’t ready to think about the consequences in case she got to know.

Which brought you there. A place you never thought you’d come to. A face you didn’t think you’d see again.

“W-what are you…”

“Hi Steve.”

With the help of Bucky, and his contacts, you used to stay updated about Steve. To say you were extremely proud of your Stevie would be an understatement. He got his dream job and within a year he made quite a name for himself. You managed- actually Bucky managed to get his address from where Steve currently worked. After travelling across the country, you were finally at his doorstep.

Steve was baffled to see you in front of his home and that too with a… a baby? What on earth was going on? And that’s exactly what he had asked you.

So you told him, well not the truth exactly but parts of it.

“She- she is my…?” Steve didn’t hesitate letting his tears fall. It was all too overwhelming and somewhat unbelievable

Steve held her in his arms, so small and so beautiful. For a moment he chose to not think about anything else but just cherish the moment.

“Why are you here? Last I heard was that you got married?” You nodded.

“Yeah, my husband’s waiting outside for me.” You were so tired of behaving coldly with Steve when all you wanted was to be into his arms.

“I’m sure you have many questions but unfortunately I don’t have the time to answer it all, so i’ll answer the most important one” You looked down once, gathering all the courage, realising he would hate you even more, then looked up again.

“I’m here to give you your baby, I can’t take her responsibility, not yet at least. So it’s better she stays with her father, I know you have always loved kids so…” You were interrupted when Steve let out a chuckle dripping with poison.

“Let me get this clear, first you broke up with me and now you’re abandoning your own daughter?” You remained silent.

“Why-“ Steve was about to yell but realised it would disturb his daughter so he didn’t. “Why did you even give birth to her if you planned on abandoning her?”

“I felt like I should, just like now I feel I should give her to you. I know you’ll be able to take better care of her.”

“ You’re right about that, considering what a selfish, inconsiderate, materialistic person you are. Don’t worry I’ll take care of her, and there’s my mother who’ll give all her love to my daughter. So you’re right, she would be better off without you, you did the right thing for a change.” Those were the words you deserved, didn’t you?

“I- I can come visit her sometime if th-“

“There’s no need. Actually no, I’ll make it clear, you don’t deserve to see my daughter and she doesn’t need you.” You tried your best to keep a straight face when all you wanted was to scream.

“Alright, I’ll leave, take care.” You turned to leave when you heard Steve whisper something.

“I can’t believe I was in love with someone like you.” Yes that was exactly what you deserved.

“Almost forgot.” Your voice was emotionless. “Her name’s Hope. Hope Sarah Rogers.” And then you walked away quickly. While Steve stood there still processing everything. Just when he thought he could completely hate you, you did something like that.

Hope Sarah Rogers? That made him wonder, if you didn’t ever care about Steve, there could be no chance you cared about his mother, or their emotions. Then why that middle name? Why?

Steve decided to not think about what didn’t matter anymore. He had a big responsibility, right in his arms.

“Hi love, don’t worry, I’m right here, we’ll be enough together okay? We- we don’t need anyone who doesn’t want to be with us hmm?” With you gone, Steve let out his emotions freely.

You ran out to the car, where Bucky was waiting, and you got inside.

“Let’s go, please.” You were already a mess. Bucky realised it was better to not say anything, you needed to let it all out.

More than ever, you realised how lucky you were to have found a friend like Bucky. He took care of you when you needed someone, you didn’t feel as alone as you did before. At the same time your guilt was building up too. You kept on telling bucky to live his own life, you told him to find the one for him.

“Hey, stop it, I’ve told you many times I’m happy with my life okay? Stop trying to set me up with someone.” You somehow managed to giggle in between of letting out sobs.

“Fine, but promise me this, if you do actually find someone special or the one you want to spend your life with, then you’re gonna tell me and we’ll officially end this so called marriage. And remember to invite me to your own wedding hmm?” Bucky chuckled, he knew you won’t give up. Your friend knew how much you were grateful for him, but only if he could make you understand that he was grateful for you too. You made bucky a more caring person, a better person without even knowing. Bucky admired your strength and love. When you got married, he wasn’t ready for a wife. Luckily you both got what you needed, a friend, a companion.

As months turned into years, two years to be specific, you had finally come in terms with your life. The hollow you felt all the time didn’t go away but you learned to live with it.

Bucky got you a job in his company, which you made sure was something you were qualified for. You didn’t want special treatment just because you were Mrs Barnes.

All that time, you kept tabs on Steve and Hope. You didn’t need to be there physically to know how good a father Steve would be.

Steve had always been a caring person and with his daughter? He made sure everything was up to the mark. Steve was totally dedicated to his daughter, his mother was there to help too.

Sarah couldn’t believe when Steve told her how everything went down. She chose to believe there had to be something else to that story.

Besides family, Steve made his work his focus. With how hardworking and intelligent Steve was, within two years he had grown a lot. He was doing extremely well, got promoted to quite a high position in the office.

Steve was so happy to give his mother a better life, not that she ever complained. He got her a big home and made sure she lived in comfort. Sarah deserved it all.

One thing Steve made sure was that no matter how much money he earned, no matter what hierarchy position he was at in his office, as a father he would teach Hope to not become materialistic in any way. Steve would teach her the value of kindness, love and trust.

Hope was literally a new ray of hope for Steve. She motivated him, with her little babbles and cute chubby face. When Hope uttered her first proper word, it was “Da-da” and Steve cried in happiness. And maybe a little because he missed someone, he would never admit that though.

Steve made sure to record all her milestones. The first time talked, the first time she walked.

At the young age of two, Hope was already quite smart, her eyes always sparkled and she loved getting cuddles from dad.

Steve was so attached to her that leaving for work seemed so difficult, he even tried to work from home whenever he could but it was difficult to do that, Steve had many responsibilities at work and he pretty was serious about those.

“I’m ready.” You told Bucky who was getting ready as well. He looked at you and smiled.

“You look great. And I’m ready too.” Bucky took one last look at the mirror and you both left for the corporate event you were supposed to attend. Recently you both had shifted back to the city you once called home. You were a little nervous about your mother interfering in some way again but honestly, you didn’t have much to worry about since you knew Steve was alright and your daughter was well taken care of.

You didn’t like attending these events, never did, but this was important for Bucky. The good thing was the event had a bar where you could spend most of your time. You didn’t like socialising so you could sit on your own at the bar while Bucky mingled with people.

The bar wasn’t too crowded, good for you. You ordered a cocktail and looked here and there waiting for your drink.

You didn’t expect to see those familiar blues in the sea of people, and neither did you expect to find a super attractive woman almost hanging to his body.

Of course Steve would be there, it was a big event and Steve had made a name for himself, so it shouldn’t be so surprising to you that he would be there. But.

Who. Was. That?

You really shouldn’t care, you couldn’t complain or had any right to feel bad when you were the one who chose to leave. He would have moved on at some point right? Oh that woman was so gorgeous.

Steve made eye contact from across the room before turning away and continuing with his conversation.

To make things worse, that woman was pulling Steve towards the bar. You tried your best to seem like you didn’t care. Sipping your drink, looking somewhere else, anywhere else.

Why was she all over him? And he didn’t protest, did that mean they were… together?

You glanced at Steve to find he was looking at you. You took another sip, realising the cocktail was finished you ordered another. Steve smiled while that woman was going on and on about something. Your eyes were brimming with tears, even though you didn’t have a right to feel like this.

All of it was too much. It’s true Bucky was nice and you didn’t feel absolutely alone but that didn’t mean you never thought about how it would have been if you and Steve were together, if you raised your daughter together. Your mother ruined everything.

Steve on the other hand could realise you were getting drunk gradually, and probably you yourself didn’t even realise that. Or maybe you did, it wasn’t like he knew you anymore. On second thought, did he ever?

Suddenly you felt super emotional and tried to go away, but where? The restroom. When you got down from the bar stool, the world seemed dizzy, you recognised feeling that from when you cried too much, something pretty usual for you. But the dizziness you felt in that moment seemed different, a little too out of your control.

Bucky looked at you from the other side of the room and was about to go towards you when he saw Steve approaching you, so he stopped. A little smile appeared on Bucky’s face to see that Steve still cared about you.

“Hey” You heard a deep voice, a known voice. You turned back to see an unamused expression on a familiar face.

“Hmph” that was all you expressed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You rolled your eyes.

“Nothing. Why ar- are you here?” A small hiccup interrupted your flow of words. “Go back to Miss Gorgeous over there. Don’t have to care about me.”

All Steve could see was a brat in front of him. He moved closer as you stood in the corridor towards the restroom, using the wall as support.

“I don’t care, trust me. Unfortunately I still have some decency left in me. You’re drunk, if you act like this you’d embarrass yourself. Again, I don’t really care about you but what about your poor husband, what’s his name again? Barnes?”

“Yes his name is James Barnes and he is a good man”

“Oh I’m sure, but does he know that you married him because of his bank balance and not the goodness of his heart? Aw poor Mr. Barnes.”

Suddenly you pushed him. A little too harshly.

“Stop it! Stop being mean.” Steve chuckled, were you so drunk that you were out of your mind? How could you even accuse him of being mean when you were absolutely ruthless to him, and you abandoned your own daughter.

“Oh I am sorry, did I hurt your feelings, Mrs Barnes?” Steve mocked.

Being drunk made you lose control over your emotions, the little sober part was telling you to turn and leave. So you did, well tried to before a strong hand grabbed your wrist.

“How can you even call me mean when you’re a fucking emotionless cruel woman who doesn’t even care about her own daughter, huh?” You tried to escape his grip. The grip wasn’t tight, not enough to hurt you. And that made you hurt emotionally even more, the fact that after all this Steve didn’t show his anger physically in any way, that he was still careful with you.

“I- I-“ You tried to speak but Steve tsked.

“Don’t put so much effort on your dizzy head to come up with something.” Tears. Steve saw tears in your eyes.

“Tears, really?”

“Sorry, just- just go back okay. I’m sure your girlfriend must be missing you.” Steve couldn’t believe you had the audacity to be jealous. You were the one who walked out. Besides he wasn’t even with that woman, just a colleague flirting with him.

“Bub-“ Somehow he stopped himself from using that name. He cleared his throat. “Go to the restroom and sober up. And be- careful” He didn’t maintain eye contact while saying the last line. No you didn’t deserve his care after what you did.

To both of your surprise, none of you could have predicted what happened next. As if your body and mind were acting differently- you hugged him. Threw yourself on him gripping his shirt tightly. Steve could hardly process what was happening let alone react to that. That little sober part in you, was screaming inside your head.

“I’m sorry” You pulled away but made the mistake of looking into those beautiful blue eyes and leaned in for a kiss, Steve could feel his restraints breaking as well. But no, no he couldn’t.

“Stop. What’re you doing?” Steve moved back before your lips could touch.

“You know what, I should go back in, you’ve handled yourself fine these years I’m sure you can do it now as well.” Steve was about to leave when you called for him.

“How- how’s Hope?” You asked, voice shaky. He stopped in his tracks, let out a deep breath and started walking ahead.

“Steve please, how’s she?” You followed him.

“Huh, so you suddenly remembered about your daughter after two years?” You kept quiet. It was true that you stayed updated about the two of them from time to time but you missed out on so much. You wished everyday every moment to be with them.

“How’s Hope?” You repeated yourself.

“She’s doing well.” Steve informed.

“Can I meet her?” His eyebrows touched his forehead at your question.

“Is this some joke? Why, why now?” The question was extremely valid, it made you ask yourself the same thing. Why after all that time?

Maybe because you were no longer afraid of what your mother could do since Steve was stable? Or maybe you were too hollow, too numb and too broken to think practically? Either way, you really really wanted to meet your daughter.

“Because I want to do better. I want to be there for her.” You stared hopefully at Steve.

“Sorry, not happening. For two years you didn’t care, and now I don’t care about what you want.” With that, he went inside.

You followed, went inside as well, found Bucky, who realised it was time to call it a night. Bucky rubbed your shoulders softly to check if you were okay. What you both didn’t notice were those familiar pair of blues observing you two.

Steve’s gut told him something felt unusual about you and your husband, but before he could ponder further, his phone rang.

“Steve, come home, Hope-“

“What’s wrong Ma?”

Hope had high fever, medicines weren’t working. Steve rushed home, took her to a hospital, the doctor said it wasn’t anything major but to be safe Hope should be kept under observation that night.

Steve felt like crying, he was so worried, so nervous. And his mind went to you, your words.

“Steve?” A phone call you never thought you’d get.

“H-hope’s in the hospital” Steve let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He could hear your muffled cries from the other side.

“The doctor says there’s nothing to worry about, she had high fever but um, she would be kept under observation tonight. I-“ His voice, shaky and teary.

“Which hospital? Give me the address.” Steve was still in a turmoil, everything felt too much. “Please Steve. I need to see her.”

You rushed to the hospital. Well you and Bucky. Steve was standing outside the room Hope was kept in. It was clear he had been crying.

You reached up to him and places a shaky hand on his shoulder, he looked at you. Both of you didn’t know what to say in such a situation, so you did what you thought was best.

You pulled him down to rest his head on your shoulder as you wrapped on arm around him, the other on the back of his head, rubbing softly. Steve stood there in your embrace.

Bucky kept some distance.

Finally Steve looked up. And when he saw you, for the first time in years you felt like the girl he fell in love with, your face, your touch, all the same. Steve cupped your cheeks in his hand. Your tear filled eyes reminded him of all those times he wiped your tears. And he did so, again.

Steve was about to say something when he noticed your husband behind you. Steve stepped back from you as soon as the reality had set in.

You formally introduced the two who gave each other a polite nod. From that point, Steve tried to avoid looking into your eyes. Even while you both talked about Hope, he didn’t look at you directly. You understood it was difficult for him.

“When Hope comes back, can I visit her, please?” You pleaded. “Just once a week, please. I know you hate me, I know you’re disgusted by me but please, I really want to be there for my daughter, I want to do better.”

Steve nodded, he had to stay strong and he couldn’t give in too much, he won’t let you hurt him ever again.

“Hey” Both you and Steve, who were sitting outside Hope’s room, looked up to see Bucky standing with two cups of coffee. He gave one to you and the other to Steve.

“You alright?” Bucky asked, you nodded and asked him to sit beside you. Which made Steve stand up.

“I’ll be back from the restroom.” He informed, not looking back at you two, and walking away. Steve splashed some water on his face, why did everything have to go so wrong? Why? Steve cried his heart out in the bathroom. Just when he thought his wounds were healed, seeing you with someone else opened them up all over again. Could he be strong for his daughter? Could he let you in, in his life again?

When he came back, Steve was met with the view of you crying on Bucky’s shoulder, he clenched his fists. But that gut feeling which told him something felt off about you and Bucky was rising inside him again.

The way you used to hold on to Steve, was not the same with Bucky. Steve felt that you didn’t love Bucky, at least not like you loved Steve. But did you even ever love Steve? All those thoughts erupted in him, giving him an uneasy feeling. Steve just couldn’t ignore what his gut was telling him.

Thankfully, Hope was released the next day. The fever was down.

Steve allowed you to visit Hope once a week but only when he was present himself.

“Hey” You waved at your daughter, sitting beside her in Steve’s home while she was playing with a car. Hope looked up at you with her blue eyes, gave you a confused look. It broke your heart, your own daughter didn’t know who you were. And for that, you were the only one to blame. Well besides your mother of course.

You decided to stay strong and focused on building a good relationship with Hope.

“I don’t know what kind of toys you like, but I got you this stuffed bear,” Hope’s eyes sparkled at the sight of an adorable bear. But like the good girl she was, she looked at her dad, her eyes asking for permission. And when Steve nodded, she took the bear with a smile on her face.

“What do we say when we get a gift baby?” She had already started to talk in half sentences, she remembered what dad taught her.

“tank yo” Hope smiled at you. You tried your best to hold in the tears.

The first few weeks were tough, Hope easily got bored of you or she would rather spend time with her dad. Over time it got better, she was getting used to your presence.

One day you were a little late. When you entered, Hope walked up to you and hugged your legs. You picked her up, too happy. The smile she gave you reminded you of Steve’s beautiful smile. Hope put her small chubby hand on your cheek and you couldn’t stop the waterfalls.

Steve, who witnessed the whole interaction, was wiping his tears. Again, he wondered how life could have been.

You made sure to only meet Steve and Hope indoors, that was why when Steve suggested to go to a park, you had to decline it.

Sure your mother no longer kept an eye on you, not like before at least but you didn’t want to take a risk. You didn’t trust your mother or her intentions at all.

And you couldn’t believe your mother still had the audacity to ask you to visit, after everything she had done.

Bucky, your friend was happy to see you happy. You deserved it, you went through so much.

It was all going well. For a while.

Steve was going to his office when he got a call from an unknown number.

The next thing he knew, he was in an elevator, but not the one in his office building.

Doors opened to a large room, Steve walked in.

“Hello Steven, it’s really nice to finally meet you.” Your mother smirked.

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