#anyways dont tell anyone about my big secret weakness....

[intotheelliwoods]

my only weakness: hands

[skips-is-asleep]

Psionic Headcanons And Rules

Can't get this out of my head, here's the rules I semi-strictly follow when writing Sollux for RP or writing fanfics. I hate when people write Sollux's powers are being able to do anything at any point in time with no restrictions, so these are the restrictions I place upon him to make everything more interesting. Some of these are popular/universally accepted, some are perhaps a bit controversial ;)

Once again, Pink text is for tangents but more often than not, Sollux specific headcanons

Psionics have to look at whatever they're using their powers on. The only exception is that they can use it on themselves at any time, but this is my explanation for why voidrot (what happens to Sollux after his big fight with Eridan if u didn't know) blinds them. Sometimes I break this rule but I try hard lol, it depends on what I'm writing

Psionics + Water generally do not mix. The rule of thumb is that psi doesn't work when is under water, so under active water flow/rain/shower or submerged in water. They can still grab wet things, but if the thing is underwater, they can't grab it. Also things being underwater impacts how they see the thing, see rule 1. This is ultimately why I think Solllux has a fear of the ocean/drowning because it's the one place his powers will fail him and he has zero control of what's happening. He's not usually a control freak, but when you can't even control your own breath supply???

Speaking of water and rain, psionics can't use their powers in lightning storms and also can sense where lightning will strike. 8/10, it's on them. They are person shaped lightning rods and can be struck multiple times if not under cover. It doesn't kill them, but it does hurt and they will get sick and not have access to their powers for a few days after. Due to high EM in the air anyways, psionic's powers are highly unpredictable in this setting. They often flail and whip and become their own little bolts of lightning with little control over it.

Psionics have power caps and need recharging, so to speak. They use sleep and food to replenish their energy just like non-psionics do and having low power impacts their overall mood and physical as well as psychic abilities. They also have a cap of energy they can use at any given point in time before they'll be done and need to rest/eat. If they go past this threshold, the risk for voidrot is increased significantly.

Voidrot is essentially like your laptop being at 1% and not being able to charge past it. Yeah you could keep it plugged in, but it's never going to go to full power and you shouldn't unplug it for long periods of time or use it for pretty much anything. A voidrotten psionic uses their powers, and they'll die.

There is a particular spot on psionics that if pinched, will temporarily subdue their powers. Think of it like putting a kink in a hose, it stops the water from flowing, but as soon as you let go, it'll start flowing again. Depending on the psionic, they might have a temporary lack of control of power.

This is the spot, I don't know much about biology but my logic is that the neck is like the main "wire" feeding the energy down from their brain to the rest of their body.

This weak spot is a HEAVILY guarded secret among psionics. They all have an unspoken agreement that they don't tell anyone about it, even other lowbloods, because should anyone else overhear it or the information spread around, it could be extremely dangerous for them as a population. The only other people that know this are ascended highblood adults, trolls that hunt psionics to bring them to their ascension.

Because this is so heavily guarded, lots of psionics don't even tell each other. They often find out about it themselves in private and either dont mention it to anyone else or seek out other psionics to discuss it.

When psionics get captured, a special device will be placed here to constantly squeeze this area for easy transport. This is also where injections for psionics happen to measure their "voltage" for lack of better term and also where permanent wiring will go when they are helmed as well as other areas.

This is so important, I know everyone thinks it's so so hot, but psionics would not feel good in the bedroom. They're not like hands, they can't stroke or insert or whatever else people make them do. I see it more as a cloud of energy that can pick things up or tools that can disappear. They can hold things, like people (up or down) or items but I think that's about it in terms of adult fun to be had with them.

Psionic energy isn't literally electric energy, but it is very similar and can be very easily converted into literal electricity. Psionics can hold open sockets or plugs and charge various items, or they can hold batteries and feel if they have a charge left on them. Stronger psionics can charge items to full power and precisely tell how much charge is left, but this takes more effort or is impossible for weaker psionics

Psionics can sense each other, but only in relatively close proximity. Think of indoor grocery stores as the general radius we're dealing with. Outside is very hit or miss, but small indoor spaces are a yes.

Psionic Involuntarily Sparking (PIS) is kind of like dogs tail wagging. It's a sign of high energy, and the type of energy that's being displayed is dependant on context. Dogs tails can wag when they're happy, highly stressed or angry, PIS can happen the same way. Some psionics drop the P and call it IS-ing, some embrace the unintentionally humor and call it pissing. #onlypsionicswillunderstand

Psionics can concentrate a stream of power to zap things with about the same power as exposed wiring or open circuits if that makes sense. Depending on intent and the power of the user, this could be a light shock or it could leave a mark. In a fic, I utilized this in a way so Sollux could concentrate his psionics into a powerful laser, like you'd see in a gun in Fallout/sci Fi movies.

Psionics have a glow to their eyes that, when "fully charged" it's about as bright as a phone on full brightness. As they get tired or malnourished, this glow will diminish and can go completely dark (voidrot.)

Wearing eyewear that matches your eyes is semi-common fashion trend among psionics, but Sollux's serve a dual purpose in that he often gets photosensitive when he uses his powers too much in a given session.

Psionics horns are very sensitive, but in a bad way. Their powers go out of their brain out through their horns and are, as a result, painful to the touch most of the time. Depending on how much they've used them in a given evening, it can range from a slight soreness to excruciating when touched. The only time their horns wouldn't hurt is if the user abstained from using their powers for at least a full day.

Psionics don't HAVE to use their powers every day.......but it's difficult not to and there are consequences to not using your powers for long periods of time. Psionics commonly experience Build Up, where their tank is too full. This manifests differently depending on the user, often hyperactivity, but it's completely normal to be irritable or overemotional when experiencing build up. In Sollux, this almost always is the cause for coding binges, or other projects that he'll sink tens of hours into in one given session. It's sort of like forgetting to take your ADHD meds and then creating your own choose your own adventure game instead of sleeping for three straight nights.

Most psionics are not psychic in other ways. For them, that's their draw, but Solllux, like always, is just a special case.

Psionics are measured from a very standard tier, I'm sure I don't have to explain what it looks like. What goes into deciding which tier a user goes into is based on a couple things. Raw power, control, endurance, longevity, and consistency. Sollux is S tier bc I think its funny. Psionics are given a tier at first pupation and have to check in every so often to complete tests and receive an updated score.

[unadulterated-syd]

is this one still up? looks really fun!

Send in a couple things about you, personality + gender + gender preference,, and I'll give you a character I'd pair you with platonically (add your fandom!!)

so, im an intp, i love horror movies and mystery books (my favs at the moment are those from stalking jack the ripper series yk), im a rock/metal music lover, i draw some stuff and write abt romance&horror (usually they walk together), i play rpg and atm im trying the dungeon master thing. i dont talk to alot of people, that takes tooo much energy, few people think im rude cause tbh i dont have much patience and i dont let people step on me yk, still i care too much abt others (i just dont like them to know it), so i help anyone that asks for it on my own way, but i hate being helped cause talking abt my problems makes me feel weak. also i go for she/her and i dont have any gender preferences.

my fandoms are stranger things, twd, supernatural, wednesday, hp and alice in borderland (yep you dont write abt some of these but i like to talk abt them:])

yes all my events are still up!

like you said, i don't write for all your fandoms, however i can give you a matchup for; stranger things, the walking dead, wednesday and harry potter!

we actually have a LOT in common,, you just seem cooler than me tbh

(id love to talk to u about horror btw)

anyway!

stranger things -> this one id like to put you with eleven hopper!

the way id mostly support this is you seem a lot like max, and those two have one of the best bonds (though i ship elmax this friendship would be platonic)

youd help her with bullying problems and would NOT let her ever feel bad about herself

and tbh i think you guys could be a badass duo (not side kick way cause youd both bring equal amounts to the table)

plus i think will would warm up to you and im sure you could help him with his sexuality issues (we all know he thinks badly of himself)

but el would just really adore you, and you her i think itd be a good friendship all around

(i genuinely think shed be scared of horror movies and then she sees a slasher and then is a fanatic tbh)

the walking dead -> i think i want to put you with glenn

hear me out, him being a poser before the apocalypse and you GENUINELY teaching him about punk/rock, and horror culture

like when hes passionate about something he stands his ground,, and you stand his ground with him (you two always win bc youd always be right)

the two of you BOTH going on the ride in his red car

being friends with him since day 1 of the apocalypse and bonding

helping him in your secretive ways and him noticing it >>

he would hes very good at detecting things like that,, and would be v thankful but wouldnt tell you cause obviously you dont want to talk about it

plus hed silently understand your feelings so u dont need to express them

wednesday -> i give you ajax!!

see hypothetically, i think xaviers the type to also be super into horror and punk/rock

so ajax is already heavily exposed to your interests + i think hed be into some horror

and hes the type to enjoy a light amount of rock/punk

i think hed be big on apocalypse shows for some reason

i feel like neither of tou are comfortable sharing emotions you just kind of know everything about eachother and act accordingly

you guys could geek out over new horror movies and such!!!

plus you and enid would get along really well so you three would be best pals

i think youd bud heads with xavier so the two of you would probably argue a lot and Ajax would bully the two of you about it

Harry Potter -> I want to pair you with Fred and George

i cant even explain this one

you guys just are best friends

and youre the only one that ever gets serious (when you need to ofc)

plus they def dont discuss feelings to one another lets be honest

I hope these work for you!!! :)))

[hyrule-kingdom-updates]

Can we get some spare Launo headcannons for July?

Launo sucked big time at knight school when he first arrived—he didn’t exactly have any background help given no one in his family was a knight either. He was basically assigned the equivalent of “equipment manager” during the first few months. And when he did get proper actions with a broadsword or a bow, Launo struggled with footwork and precision and all the minute details of a duel so he often got his ass handed to him.

But one the top kids in Launo’s class thought he was cool anyways—that was, one Arcadius Hartell. Pretty, rich, ace with sword, bow, spear, and anything sharp, and pretty much had no flaws or weaknesses. Launo at first thought the guy was just pitying him, the kid who has never won a single sparring match and consistently put on training dummy duty (that is reattaching their heads when they got lopped off)

So it came as a bit of a surprise when Arcadius came to ask something from him.

“How do you do that?”

Launo turned from the training dummy he was working on. “S-Sorry, what?”

“The...the thing you do. With the...thing?” Arcadius pointed to the needle and thread Launo was holding as he was reattaching the dummy’s forearm. “How do you do that?”

Launo scrunched his eyebrows in confuzzlement. “This is, uh, well. It’s just sewing I guess. If this guy were real I guess it would be stitching, haha...” He patted the dummy’s wood shoulder playfully as if joking with a pal—the dummy immediately tipped over, Launo coughed and stepped in front of the mess to ignore it. Arcadius nodded thoughtfully.

“So, do you have a special technique or something?”

“I mean, not really, it’s just regular old sewing...”

“But I assume you’ve spent years training on the art.”

“I...uh...I guess? My mom taught me.”

“Oh! So it’s like...an apprenticeship...?”

“...Are you under the impression that sewing is some sacred gift that gets passed down to the worthy or something?”

“.........no....”

The two boys just stood awkwardly for a moment longer, Launo studying Arcadius’ face.

“You don’t even know what sewing is do you?”

“O-Of course I do! It’s the...thing.” He made a sword motion with his fingers, as if wielding a tiny blade. “You stab the stuff and it repairs. With the...” Arcadius squinted as he thought for a moment, “...stool...”

“Spool?”

“Yeah! That! So, look, you’re pretty skilled at everything—“

“I am??” Launo took a step back in shock.

“Yeah! You always fix the equipment, and somehow haul around all those weapons, and make us cool lunches—“

“I don’t know, I made Rubeo vomit last week cause I forgot he hates blueberries...”

Arcadius shook his hands. “N-Not the point. And he sort of deserves it. The fact is you’re obviously leagues ahead of the game—“

“I—Actually I wouldn’t say—“

“—so you just gotta teach me everything you know!” Arcadius pumped a fist and closed his eyes. “How could I ever call myself a knight if I don’t even learn the basics of equipment management! Who will mend the wounded holes in my soldier’s pride if I can’t even fix the tears in my uniform! A mountain’s peak is equivalent to the shallow shore if you have no bearing of the heights you soar.”

Launo blinked. “Are you...okay?”

Arcadius scratched his head. “Aha...sorry. That’s a quote from Aria Nori’s newest volume. Guess I was too into the moment there.”

“Oh! The Zora poet! I’ve read her stuff! I haven’t read her latest volume, but my dad often binds her books—“

“Really?!” Arcadius’ eyes were suddenly star struck. “That’s so cool! This is all the more reason you gotta teach me this stuff.” He waved again at the collapsed training dummy. “Maybe start with the beetle and thread.”

“Needle. D-Do you not know what a needle is?”

Arcadius’ eyes glazed over. “...no...oh my gods that’s not gonna be on the test is it?? I’m so screwed—“

“Nonono it’s not, I’m just...” Launo bit his tongue. Now that he thought about it, he never really saw anyone else in his class do mundane house chore stuff. They were far too busy sharpening swords and bragging about their parents or grandparents or great uncles or cousins that totally were war heroes and high ranking political figures. Sewing could just be a Hateno thing, could it..?

“Can’t you just hire someone to teach you?” Launo started. “I mean, I’m super flattered! Just that, I’m not exactly a master at this, so I’m sure there are adults out there that are more accomplished.”

Arcadius hung his head. “I don’t think my dad would let me...Pretty much everything not sword related he just hires someone to do for me. And he’s super picky about what training I focus on.”

“Well it’s not really official training, it could just be a hobby.”

The boy raised an eyebrow, sounding out the word. “H...Hob...?”

“O-OK, just forget that. H-How about...” Launo didn’t meet his eyes as he absentmindedly kicked the dirt. “Y-You like poetry, right? You can come over to my house and look at my dad’s collection. And when we’re there, I can let my mom...” He scrunched his eyes, trying to nail down the words, “...apprentice you? On the...art, of sewing?”

Arcadius’ eyes were wide enough to reflect the heavens themselves. “R-Really?? You’d do that??”

“I don’t see why not. It’ll be after call and,” Launo’s eyes suddenly sparked, “...You can just tell your dad that you’re training me! Say that you were asked to help your fellow classmates cause you’re already so far ahead from everyone else.”

Which isn’t exactly a lie, Launo thought, bitterly.

“Hmm...” Arcadius tapped his chin, before shrugging. “Might have to tweak the explanation to ‘getting extra credit for top grades by tutoring’ cause I don’t know how he’ll feel about me helping the competition.” He articulated the last word with a mocking, adulting tone. Then he held out a hand. “But I think it sounds like a deal! I’ll give you some pointers, and you introduce me to your mentor.”

“My mom.”

“Yeah, that.”

Launo shook his hand, still a bit timidly, given he now noticed that a few other boys in the training yard were watching the prodigy student interact with the glorified janitor boy.

So they both tutored each other: Larc, in the art of knowing what sewing magic was (Larc bringing the most expensive and ornate needle Launo had ever seen, even though Larc claimed he just found it in his father’s closet) and brewing delicious broths (“Wait, you have to stand around this pot for hours and cook this stuff?? I thought you just made soup in a bowl! You know, like how servants take off the silver cover on the tray and the soup is already there?” “We...dont have waiters or anything...so our method of cooking different.”) Meanwhile, Launo was able to make some progress with knight training—keyword, “some.”

“Don’t make your stance so wide.” Arcadius shoved Launo’s back foot with his boot. “Keep your feet closer together, you only want enough distance so that your front foot can hover an inch off the ground while your back foot stays planted. Any further, and you’ll topple too easily.”

Launo adjusted his stance as instructed, and readied the rapier again. He set his jaw. “OK. Come at me!”

Arcadius nodded. He picked up the wooden sword and swung (a bit slowly and wide) at Launo’s side.

Launo immediately shoved his rapier point left to counter his attack, but instead moved with such force and vigor that he practically fell onto Arcadius’ blade.

Arcadius chuckled, dropping the sword and helping Launo up again. “You don’t need to use to much force when you swing. In fact it’s better to work with simple quick movements with any rapier or piercing sword, since the damage is done by the tip, not the weight.”

“S-Sorry...” Launo mumbled as he got up again.

“Don’t be! Oh hey!” Arcadius suddenly went back around towards the pile of weapons and pulled out a claymore. “Actually, maybe a sword like this will work better for you! You won’t have to worry as much about holding back, or being finesse. All the power is in that downward swing—!” Arcadius swung the sword into a nearby log to demonstrate, nearly cutting it asunder.

He offered it to Launo. “And don’t let the size fool you, it’s not actually that heavy. Large weapons still need to let soldiers be quick enough to parry and block attacks.”

Launo turned the claymore around in his hands, studying the blade and handle.

Arcadius gestured to the log. “Well, go on! It’s similar to the grip I taught you with the broadsword, but this time you use your other hand in the bottom to support the weight as it turns on an axis. Try that downward swing I showed you!”

Launo paused for a moment, thinking. Then, he planted his foot down, and swung the claymore down with all his might, aiming for another soon-to-be piece of firewood.

The claymore whistled as it fell, and it cut into the log deep—about halfway. Yet, still not nearly as deep as how Arcadius had done it.

Nonetheless, he was hopping with joy for Launo. “That was awesome!! You did great!!”

He sighed as he left the claymore in the log. “No I didn’t...”

“What are you talking about? That was probably the best blow you’ve done all night!”

“Yeah! And it’s not even a quarter of the damage that you did with your swing!”

“Well, it still took me a while to—“

Launo gestured to the other log. “It’s been how many weeks?? And I’m not even CLOSE to being as good as you, much less being a top student...” He plopped into the dirt and laid himself out like a starfish.

Larc stood over him, confused. “Why would you want to be a top student?”

“BECAUSE I SUCK ASS, DUDE!” Launo held up his arms, exasperated. Larc, on instinct, stepped back and held his hands close to his chest as he fiddled with his thumbs and mumbled an apology. Launo immediately sighed.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound like I’m mad at you. You’re really great, Link. You’re so nice to me and you’re talented and I’m so grateful, but I’m just...” He shifted in the dirt again. “I don’t think I could ever be like you. I’d even dare to say it’s impossible.”

Larc stilled, playing with his thumbs, before daring to step closer and sit in the dirt beside him.

“Can I tell you a secret, Launo?”

He was quiet, but he nodded a yes.

“I think my brother’s a stronger fighter than me.”

Launo furrowed his eyebrows confused, but he continued.

“He just never takes his knight training seriously, because of my father. But I bet if he really tried, he’d be great at it.”

Ah. So that’s what he meant.

“But I AM trying.” Launo whined. “I guess compared to you it doesn’t seem like much but—!”

“Nono! Sorry that’s not what I meant!” Larc quickly cut in. “I just...” He trailed off.

“...There’s a reason I have to be the best.” Larc finally said. He was looking out into the woods, but Launo felt that he wasn’t really looking at anything in particular, maybe deep in thought. “There’s a reason I can’t settle, I can’t rest. It’s really important that I get this all right. And I guess that makes me admirable to most people but...”

He looked down at Launo, still spread out in the dirt. “I didn’t really choose to be a knight, unlike you. I didn’t actually choose to be the best, and I don’t get why so many people do train to be at the top out of their own violation. It really...sucks ass.” He articulated the last part in Launo’s tone, and they both giggled.

“So...I guess that I’m trying to say here is that...” He thought one his words a moment longer. “I think so many people are afraid of trying new things, because they fear not being the best at it, not being at the top. And I suppose ambition is good but...” He tilted his head and shrugged at Launo. “As someone who’s supposedly at the top, I would say I envy anybody that can make progress that their proud of. You choose to be a knight, and you’re training for it out of your own strength and courage. That’s more than I’ll ever have, so you should probably get off the ground and realize that soon.”

Launo’s eyes widened, a bit unnerved by how uncharacteristically blunt Larc was being.

“In my opinion, anyone that aims to be better than everyone is stupid—maybe that’s just me, but...I would think that if I was you, I’d be proud of any progress I made. If I was more skilled than I was yesterday, that’s really all I would care about. Why would I care about being the top of my class? I would kill to just be satisfied with being a better me.”

There was silence as the boys took in Larc’s words. Then he suddenly stood up. “G-Goddess Hylia, sorry I’ve been talking for so long, I didn’t realize how late it was getting.” He went to collect his things. “You can keep the claymore, I think you’d be great at it, just...”

Larc packed his swords and backpack, before turning back to the flopped out Launo. “...I think you’re really cool, Launo. So don’t tap out for my sake—I’m not the person that matters in your training, am I? So don’t give up for any silly reasons like that.”

Launo perked his head up to meet his gaze. While Arcadius was usually serious and controlled during training at school, Larc always seemed to have genuine excitement about swords when it came to him. The bright smile on his face caused his cheeks to warm and he immediately flipped his head back to hide it.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Launo!” Larc ran off into the night, a cobblestone streets in the distance swallowing his figure.

“See you...” Launo whispered.

He lay in the dirt a moment longer—his mother would probably berated him for the stains again—when he finally got up and looked at the claymore in the log. He walked up to it and observed it further, it was another a sixth of the way deep. He glanced at Larc’s log, which was nearly split in two, and sighed. Then he glanced back at his own work.

“Well, it’s better than when I first started I guess...” Launo mumbled.

No one responded.

The boy let out a huff, and gripped the sword again in his hands.

“But I can do better.”

By the time Launo was 16 he was finally beating his classmates with ease, specializing in longswords, axes, and hammers. And while he definitely still “sucked ass” in things like archery and lance work—to which some boys still teased him for—he found overtime that he no longer cared about what they thought. They had their strengths, and he had his. And to top it off, absolutely no one in the academy could make a lemon cookie like him. So at least he had the best in show for that angle.

Even years later, after certain incidents transpired concerning House Hartell, Launo always welcomed Larc to his house for “training.” Although after a while, it would be hard to still call it that when a large chunk of time is really just spent running their fingers through each other’s hair.

“But we’re friends, right?”

“Yeah.”

And even years after graduating as part of the top ten in his class and working as a knight, some of his old classmates would tease him for being the “rich boy’s lap dog,” Launo would find that he still really didn’t care—after a punch or two was thrown, of course. He found that his new lack of anxiety and concern heavily stemmed from that night, when Larc had told him about his envy for choice and satisfaction. Thinking back at the memory of his handling with a sword and his happy little smile once made Launo blush so hard his father teased him about it for the rest of his life—his mother claimed he went so red he would fit right in with the tomato stew. One of these days, Launo would pay Larc back for the endless teasing he got from his parents. And pay Larc back he would, indeed.

I mean, he already had the ring.

[apenapaperandadoofus]

Ok, so, I would like a RFA match up, pretty please 🥺 I just love how you portray them.

About myself, I am an introvert, idk if you follow the personalities test thingy but I am INFP-T, which is basically this:

(The T stands for Turbulent and is just about me being on the lower self esteem spectrum of the personality)

I do tend to be more shy and quiet, around strangers and general people that I just don't get along with, I prefer to simmer on my emotions and thoughts by myself, and once I've process I share with whoever is willing to listen. I don't like when people start pushing me about the meaning of my feelings when I'm not ready to express them.

However, I am a very feeling-based-decisions type of person.

I grew up taking care and responsibility for my sisters, and I was in charge of babysitting a lot of my baby cousins during extended periods of time, that gave me a weakness to babies but low patience to brats and their parents. Also, now that I don't take care of anyone that actually needs to be taken care of, I'm kinda restless.

I try to be polite to everyone, because I hate bullying, but only once I feel comfortable enough I show my quirky, and weird part of myself, I am a gossip (however, I don't spread rumors nor do I tell secrets that were confided to me), loyal to a fault (which sometimes leads to being spiteful if I'm betrayed) and a hopeless romantic to the core.

I am touch starved, like very very mcuh, I just want cuddles, kisses, hugs and physical affection, but I also need my space and time for myself to do my own stuff. (Is it just me or that sounds like a cat?)

I'm somewhat lazy, I daydream a lot, and I come up with a bunch of writing ideas that I never really write or finish.

My favorite color is pink because it reminds me of the good parts of my childhood, my rebel time as an angsty teen and now it brings me peace and familiarity, however I like to wear more red and black clothing because I think I look better in that.

My perfect date would be a sleepover either in my house or his house, we would order takeout from his favorite place but we would get my favorite desserts. We would watch a Dreamworks movie marathon previously agreed by rock, paper, scissors (he won, but ultimately he chose my favorite movies) and we would snuggle together in a pillow fort in front of the TV. After each movie we would share commentary in how the plot would've been better, or the actors performances, our favorite scenes, characters or anything really. Afterwards, in the middle of the night, when all the movies are over we would just start talking about everything and anything, maybe share one or two kisses but nothing more until one of us falls asleep.

The thingd I look in a partner are fidelity, patience, words of affirmation, trust, stability, and affection, a little bit of lust and possessiveness isn't bad for me, I like to feel that I belong somewhere, with someone and if my partner can be that for me would be ideal, also, I don't like being teased or mocked because I'm very sensitive, preferably someone calm that can ground me when I'm stressed or lost inside me without being mean about it, basically a man that can help me making me feel safe about myself and safe in the relationship (my ex was rather abusive and I just want stability and safety)

Ok, do I don't know if this helps but a little description of my physical appearance: I am 21, mexican, 5'4, shoulder-lenght layered dark brown hair, big dark brown eyes that I like to hide behind huge glasses because I'm blind as heck, chubby, thick thighs, plump-cheeked, round face, my skin is light with yellowish undertones, with small scattered freckles on my nose and cheeks.

Damn, this is very long, I hope this is helpful to you.

Thank you so much for your patience and for doing this, and no pressure at all, take your time and make sure to take breaks to care for yourself.

Gracias otra vez y que tengas una excelente semana.

Oh this is perfect!

Also are you me bc I honestly relate to all of that 100% (twinsies heyooo and not only that I'm an INFP too! xD)

Anyway here we go!

I hope you enjoy the match pft I'm always nervous about this!

I match you with....

THE HANDSOME MAN IN A SUIT! JUMIN HAN!

When you first met, he found it a bit strange about how quiet you were. At first you were pretty quiet in the chatrooms, but after a few days he began to see more and more of you.

One night while you were in bed writing, you received a call from Jumin. Normally you'd be pretty shy to talk to him, but you decided to be brave and answer.

At first it was a bit awkward, but for some reason listening to Jumin made you want to get to know him a bit more. The two of you ended up talking for two whole hours.

One night you invited Jumin over to watch a movie together. The poor man had never seen the wonderful and beautiful thing that is all the Shrek Movies.

It was amazing.

Jumin actually gave some pretty deep commentary, and you loved talking about your favorite parts of the movie once it was done. Jumin couldn't help the big smile that appeared on his face and you suddenly stopped your rant about the movie, feeling suddenly a bit self conscious. Were you weirding him out?

You immediately mumbled an apology, feeling hurt, but Jumin grabbed your hands and kissed them. "No, no, please don't think I'm laughing at you. I just...well....to be honest I've never found myself captivated by someone....yet here I am, unable to tear my eyes away from you. You...you are truly a wonderful person you know?"

That day you had your first kiss.

The two of you had a really cute dynamic, with Jumin being the one that always solved everything by logic, and you being the one that always followed your heart. You two ended up helping each other a lot!

Whenever you feel down or tired, Jumin only has to take one look at you and will immediately come over to hug you. He won't ask about anything unless you want to talk about it. He's super observant, so he always knows how you're feeling without you having to tell him.

Another thing, is that you've helped this man take more care of himself. Whenever he's overworking, you'll come up to his office and wrap your arms around him, telling him to take a quick break.

Also, did you say you were almost like a cat? Because this man absolutely loves cats and just adores it when you come up to cuddle with him.

Jumin knows when you give you space, and he is always there if you need someone to comfort you. He is also extremely loyal (and protective too! -not in the creepy DONT TALK TO OTHER GUYS way- but he always makes sure you have body guards when you leave, and if he finds someone staring at you funny he will suddenly come up to you and kiss you.)

If you're ever stressed and dealing with any problems, he will take you by the hands and lead you to the balcony, where he will guide you through some breathing exercises. Then, when you've calmed down he will talk to you about the problem and give you solutions.

If you need time by yourself Jumin will definetly step away for a bit and come back when you're ready!

At dinner time he humors you by talking about any office drama he's heard about (recently he's been asking Jaehee to keep track of those sort of things so he can tell them to you -also he's definitely become invested but won't admit it pft)

Over all, Jumin will always take your feelings into consideration first, and he will make sure to always be there for you!

[haikyuuscreaming]

hi um so no one requested this but like i went through something basically like this and cried a whole lot about it and i dont think its even that angsty or makes sense but i just barfed it up as a vent fic so haha funny imi’s stupid and writes about her emotional exhaustion as an x reader 

heres an unrequited iwaizumi x reader :D (SORRY THIS ISNT FDSKFJ this isnt really a tumblr drabbles its more of an ao3 oneshot so)

(also sorry if none of the fic makes sense or flows well,,, i just wanted to get this out)

-

Ever since your first day at Kitagawa Daiichi, you found yourself with a crush on Iwaizumi Hajime.

You couldn’t help it. As soon as you saw him in your school-orientation group the week before school started, you couldn’t help but feel something more than a friendly glow. You were already sitting with your orientation group, but once you saw him join the group (albeit sort of late), your stomach practically flipped with butterflies.

He even sat down next to you.

The rest of the orientation went more than fine. Your delight when Iwaizumi started conversations with you was absolutely immeasurable. Even when your group was performing normal get-to-know-you activities, your heart seemed to race every time he made eye contact with you.

“Your name’s [Surname] [Name], right?” Iwaizumi asked, tapping his pencil against his desk. The orientation paper had asked for the names of three people in your group.

“Yeah.. and you’re Iwaizumi Hajime…?” You didn’t really need to question it, but you did so anyway to be polite.

“Mhm. Uh-- sorry, how do you spell your name?” Your heart picked up its pace once you heard him attempt to spell it out. To your feeble, gleeful surprise, he spelled it right.

“Oh! Um, that’s actually how you spell it. Thanks.”

“No problem.” He smiles at you and your seventh grade self felt like beaming brighter.

His impression on you had lasted.

In fact, that first impression on you had made your school year much better somehow.

Initially, you wanted to go to Yukigaoka with your best friends, but you ended up getting into Kitagawa Daiichi. You were miserable at the prospect of going into a school without your best friends that had been with you through thick and thin, but you lit up once you saw your schedule and found you had quite a few classes with Iwaizumi.

Throughout middle school, you made new friends and became close with Iwaizumi and his friend Oikawa Tooru. They eventually became one of your primary friend groups: you and them. Your number one best friend though, you found, was a new friend you made, Hanae.

Maybe the first mistake you made was telling her that you had a crush on Iwaizumi.

Okay, well, you didn’t tell her- she found out? Forced it out of you? Either way, not a big deal, you two are basically sisters now. But you did kind of wish she would stop mentioning it so much.

“Look, [Name]-chan~” she would always laugh and point at him discreetly whenever he was in the vicinity. “It’s your future boyfriend.”

It was always the same, every time.

“Would you shut up,” you complain, smacking her shoulder lightly which earned a laugh from her. “He could be listening!”

“Just telling the truth~” Hanae would always flash a smile back.

Things changed, though.

On a hang-out with Iwaizumi and Oikawa, you noticed their glances at each other-- Iwaizumi's being weary, while Oikawa’s was cheeky and sly.

“Hey, what are you two smiling about now?” you laugh lightly. The varied stares they gave you made you quiet down. “No, seriously, are you keeping secrets?”

“Of course not,” Oikawa chimes in. “Iwa-chan has big news though!”

Your heart rate spikes a little bit and you feel sweat beading on the back of your neck. And you're blushing too. Under Iwaizumi's warm, sharp gaze, you feel like melting under his radiance. “Eh? Haji, spit it out!!” Your anxiety falsely passes off as intrigue and excitement.

Flushing a little bit, Iwaizumi scratches his neck and smiles at you, “I wanted you to be the second to know, I have a girlfriend.”

…

You're shell-shocked.

If Oikawa picks up on it, he doesn't say so. “Seeee, [Name]-chan, I know we didn't believe it, but Iwa-chan finally snatched himself a girl!” Iwaizumi responds with a swift punch to the gut.

“I….” you can't find the words. You force yourself to smile like it's the only thing you can do. “Haji, that’s amazing!! Who is it? I didn't even know you had a crush…” Your voice falters but you push your words out as if your life depended on it. How did you manage to sound so genuinely happy when it felt like your entire world was about to crash?

Iwaizumi flushes again and you feel jealousy seep in. You so wish it was you that he blushes for. “Haha, yeah. Oikawa didn't know either for once; I didn't tell anyone, you know? Wasn't really sure yet. But it’s Aika-chan.” The way his face lights up burns a hole in your heart.

He even uses -chan for her. How special. The bitter envy feels like acid rising in your throat, and you feel queasy. Like you could keel over, cry, and puke out your guts.

“Ohhh, Aika-san is cute,” you make yourself say.

(Honestly, you're so good at lying and saying this wrong but right bullshit, you’d think you're a sociopathic robot or something.)

“Mmm… don't get jealous though, [Name]-chan, you're cuter!” Oikawa hums and you laugh loudly, hoping that you'll fake it till you make it. “Tell her how it happened, Iwa-chan. It was hilaaarious.”

The poison in you burns harsher but you nod along.

“Don't tell me what to do, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi bites almost playfully, before meeting your blank gaze with his kind, gently blazing eyes that always made you weak. Right now, you were not weak in the good way. “Aika-chan confessed to me yesterday near the sakura tree after we had class together… and I don't know, I guess it really clued me in that the feelings I had were real.”

(Iwaizumi looks so happy and content that it makes you want to be happy too, but you honestly feel like doing nothing but crying.)

“Aww, that's so sweet~” Your voice gets softer and you hate yourself so much for sounding weak.

But before either boy can reply, the panic and agony sets in. You feel your eyes glass up and your body tense, and your mind is begging you not to break down.

Unfortunately, they both notice.

“[Name]-chan? Are you okay?? You look kinda sick~” Oikawa sounds cheery and playful but his eyes convey an undercurrent of worry.

And bless Iwaizumi’s stupidly handsome oblivion, he blinks at your worriedly and puts a hand on your shoulder to steady you. “Do you need to go to the nurse? School’s still open I think, and it's right around the corner-”

Fuck him and his mind-meltingly handsome everything. Just his voice and his sharp gaze makes you want to cry harder and collapse to him.

“I-I have to go, sorry guys,” You fucking despise how cracked your voice is becoming as your facade slips. “I promised Hanae that I'd go get bubble tea with her. See you Monday.”

Eyes stinging, you turn as quick as you can and ignore their confused voices.

(The tears flow like acid and you feel like dissolving from the inside out.)

Months pass and you deny your horrifyingly strong yet compressed feelings.

You greet Aika and Iwaizumi in the hallways, and you know that you're happy because Iwaizumi is, and that's honestly all you could ask for your long-time crush (turned bitter love). You even talk to Aika freely during shared classes, just to disguise your depressing jealousy.

Every time you see them share a discreet kiss or grip each other's hands, you genuinely wish you were dying. It sure feels like you are.

(Like you're drowning, like your lungs are burning up and you're begging for oxygen, begging to breathe in Iwaizumi's love that's reserved for someone else. It hurts a lot but he's happy.)

(So you have to be happy.)

Hanae spares you sympathetic looks. “Come on, wifey-chan, you're married to meee. Get over him, he doesn't deserve you if he chose Aika the troll over you.”

“That's mean,” you sigh and crumble onto Hanae. “Aika-san’s nice. And pretty. And talented. It's no wonder Haji would choose her.”

“Stopppp! You’re so much more than Troll-chan, okay?!?” Hanae’s pep talk is brash, but you appreciate the charm. “If Iwaizumi-kun doesn’t see that, I’ll punch him.”

You laugh lightly at the fact that Hanae had talked to Iwaizumi enough to be calling him kun, but your voice is still heavy despite the sentiment. “You're so weird. But that's why I love you.”

“Of course you do~”

On another innocent hang-out with Iwaizumi and Oikawa, you’re met with abrupt news.

“Aika and I broke up.” Iwaizumi mutters softly.

“Eeeeh?!” You’re shell-shocked again, but you'd be lying if you said you were crushed like last time. “But-- but you guys were doing so well! You were the cutest couple!”

“She broke up with him over text,” Oikawa chimes in and you gape as Iwaizumi punches him again. “Two days ago.”

“She what-”

“She said she wasn't ready for a relationship,” is all Iwaizumi says.

You feel heartbreak and burning pity boil inside of you. “I-I’m so sorry, Haji… you didn't deserve that. You'll find someone better.”

Me. It's me, I promise I won't break your heart the way she did, because you're all I ever wanted.

He nods and for the first time in a while, he hugs you tight. “Yeah..”

It breaks you because it feels so good, his embrace warming you.

But it breaks you more to hear him whisper, “I can’t get over her though.”

(You just wanted him to be happy but he can’t. You can’t fix it.)

“You will,” you breathe out, trying not to let the tears slip. “You’re gonna be okay.”

(You know you’re not.)

But you don’t say that when you feel Iwaizumi’s shaky breath and him muttering, “Thanks.”

“Oh my god, [Name], did you hear about Hajime-kun?” Hanae’s alarmed voice three days later makes you concerned.

First of all, Hajime-kun-- “W-What? What happened now??” Nonetheless, panic still seeps into you.

“Aika broke up with him!!” Hanae seems so worked up over this and you wonder, how close is she to him? “Can you believe it?? She really threw away one of the best people in school!”

Shouldn’t I be saying that…? “Yeah, I know…” you try not to sound too bitter. “But like, it’s not really her fault she wasn’t ready for a relationship..”

Hanae huffs and crosses her arms, leaning onto you. “Well, I mean you’re right, but she shouldn’t have signed herself up for it if this was gonna happen. I feel so bad for him.” You’re about to layer on your argument, but Hanae straightens up and smirks. “See, your man’s single. Shoot your shot!”

“Right after a break-up?? Hanae, you’re batshit crazy-”

“Uh, well, make him like you, then shoot your shot!”

Your head and heart kind of hurts from all this talk about Iwaizumi, no matter how smitten you are for him, so you just blindly nod and agree.

It works for the rest of the day until you get home and cry into your pillow, wondering what to do.

Hope is re-kindled into you.

Over the past two-ish months, post-breakup, you find that comforting Iwaizumi makes you feel much better than wallowing in your self-pity. It’s a win-win: you’re putting even more of his trust into you, you two are getting even closer, and this could quite possibly end up in a great situation.

You melt at the sight of Iwaizumi, and every day you can see happiness soak back into him. Every time he laughs at one of your stupid jokes or grins at you while you rant and complain, you feel like your heart stops out of complete adoration of how stunning he is in every way you can think of.

He isn't perfect, but you think he's the perfect match for you.

And one day, at a study “date” (you try very hard not to take that term to heart!!) at a café, Iwaizumi peers up from laptop and gives you his signature, gruff yet content smile and says, “You know, I don't think I need Aika anymore.”

(You want to kiss him.)

It’s honestly been a shitty time for you and your friends, you realize.

Hanae broke up with her boyfriend, as you would have figured over the past few weeks she’s been ranting to you about how annoying and clingy and overprotective he is, but you found that she broke up with him over text. Oikawa went through three girlfriends in a month, to which he pouted and whined about but you knew he was secretly relieved that he didn’t have to carry more burden. And there’s the whole heartache Iwaizumi thing, even though things have been getting relatively better.

(You also realize amongst all your friends, you’re the only one who’s stayed very, very very single. You hope that’ll change soon.)

Things are going absolutely amazing with Iwaizumi. Even Oikawa’s been smirking at you and teasing you about your “true love” (to which you frustratedly deny but you honestly know that it’s just the truth when you consider your feelings for him). The two of you have felt confident enough to spend time with each other at your respective homes without feeling awkward or the need to have Oikawa there to provide a third wheel. You couldn’t wish for anything more.

So now you’re at a family-friend’s party, lounging on the couch away from the scene, on your phone. It’s so loud, but you’re content and refreshed on all the snacks you’ve practically been inhaling. Your phone pings in your hand and you glance up at the notification you’ve just received.

Oh, a text~

It’s from Hanae.

poopy hanae >:)): [name] are you busyyy

YOU: no not really

YOU: just at a party

poopy hanae >:)): OH okay so um can i tell you something but

poopy hanae >:)): i dont want you to get mad or sad ...so please let me just finish my texts

YOU: ?? yea go ahead , ill wait for you to finish :)

You feel kind of nervous once she puts it like that, but you let her continue.

poopy hanae >:)): remember how after my break up i promised i wouldn’t fall for anyone else, not for a while yk? i promised that to me and him: i wouldn’t let my heart get broken or whatever. but i found out that i don’t think i’ve ever really fallen for my ex. i think i just dated him because i felt bad and felt like i had to date him because i didn’t wanna reject him… but it happened still. but i think i’m in love now. honestly.

poopy hanae >:)): i’ve never felt this way around any guy before, not my ex, not anyone. everytime i see him my heart goes crazy, and i want to talk to him all the time. he’s just so perfect in every way. he’s so smart, he’s handsome as hell, he’s strong and caring… and i promised both of you i wouldn’t fall for anyone else but i broke that promise to him, you, and me. and i think you’ve figured out who he is now.

poopy hanae >:((: i’m sorry i can’t help it. i didn’t want to tell you because that would make our friendship weird but i hope now we’re at the stage where we will still be best friends regardless of him. i’m truly in love with iwaizumi hajime and i’m gonna confess to him on monday (tmr). i love him so much but i want you to know i love you more so he won’t ever get in the way of us. ily <3

The more you read the message, the more it makes you want to cry. Your hand starts trembling around your milk tea and you feel your face warm up, your eyes glassing over and your vision blurring. Stumbling your way into the bathroom, you lock yourself inside, staring at yourself in the mirror. You watch your delicate, shaking features in the mirror as the first bitter tear rolls down your cheek. More tears follow.

Sobs wrack your body and hot tears glide down your face, constantly, like a river. Whimpers escape you, and your lips are cracked and dry, and you keep thinking, Why would she do this to me?

YOU: ahaha it’s okay!!!

YOU: a boy shouldn’t get between us, ly :) make him happy

YOU: you desrvee him mroe than anbyody else

You cover your mouth with your shaking fingers in hopes that the others can’t hear you outside over the music.

You pretend it’s fine the next day at school.

Hanae doesn’t even mention it, but she hugs you a lot more and keeps whispering, “I love you”. The bitterness has sunken in a little bit and you resist the urge to tell her, It doesn’t change the fact that you broke me, but you figure that it’ll be okay.

You’ll just lose your feelings for Iwaizumi so she doesn’t have “competition”.

(It turns out to be harder than you think.)

When you see Iwaizumi at lunch, his smile never fails to make you flush a little bit and make you feel so warm and comfy. When he sits down next to you (!! ahhh!) since Hanae was in line for lunch, he makes a sigh-grunt noise as he nestles his chin into the crook of his palm. Oikawa, bless his dumb ass, sidles down next to you, making a dramatic sigh.

“Did you know Hanae-chan confessed to Iwa-chan today?”

You try so, so SO hard not to tense. “Yeah. She told me a few days ago that she- she was in love with him.”

(The way your voice cracks at “in love” is pathetic, you think.)

You don’t miss the way Oikawa’s face briefly flashes a frown at you before morphing back into his signature pretty-boy smile. Iwaizumi looks a little embarrassed to be talking about this but he nods. “Yeah, she pulled me aside right before lunch and… yeah. It was so embarrassing…” You’re in fucking awe of how cute he is even when he’s distressed, but you remind yourself (with a pang of bitterness) that you aren’t supposed to think that anymore.

“And I turned her down,” Iwaizumi continues, and your ears almost fucking pop at the noise. He- how, what? Why? “‘Cause I don’t know, I never really felt that way about her. I guess that’s why she’s been talking to me more and more lately. She said she understood if I wasn’t ready to move on ‘cause of Aika and stuff, but.. she said something like she’ll change my mind.” He snorts and murmurs, “I don’t think that’ll happen, honestly.”

Oikawa laughs, a peppery laugh accompanied with a side-eyed glance towards you. “Iwa-chan, you’re such a brute~ You sure that’s the only reason you turned her down?”

Iwaizumi lets out a snort again. “Yeah.. I’m over Aika now, but I don’t think I’m ready for a relationship. Plus, there isn’t anyone that I like like now. Hanae doesn’t stand out.”

The statement makes you crumble on the inside.

You idiot of a best friend. What good are you if you don’t stand up for Hanae?

But it doesn’t matter! He said he has no interest in anyone, including you. Or her. It’s pointless, futile. He never even considered you.

You’re so stupid, so worthless sometimes. You’re the worst. It doesn’t matter if you would go to the end of the world for Hajime. You have to give this up for her. Fight for her because he would never settle for someone like you.

You fight back the sob crawling in your throat, as your self-loathe and intrusive thoughts rain in. You try so hard not to let it get to you, but still-

It’s what Hanae deserves for putting up with you.

“You should give her a chance,” you force a small smile. “I mean, she’s pretty and smart, you know?”

Oikawa gives you a pitying gaze before Iwaizumi shakes his head, his cheek now pressing against his palm. “Nah. I don’t like anyone in that way now, and it’s gonna stay like that for a while, I’d think.”

He doesn’t like anyone in that way.

You shrug and nod, “Fair enough,” but your voice is so much smaller. You love Iwaizumi Hajime so much, and he’s always been your everything. From his habits to his comforting demeanor and his entire profile, he’s always infatuated you and you know that no matter how hard you deny it for anyone, you will never let go of the feelings that shackle you to him like chains.

You love him so much.

But I guess I’ll never win.

[happikattwuzheere]

im being deeply unproductive today, but in my defense i got a set of several complex pictures for the video project done last night, and i still have to actually assemble the files for editing and ill get to that but first let’s bust through some more of this backlog of deer boy au sketches and talk about ronan this time 

this is a LONG one probably, and also, yknow, because its ronan and esp because as you may have noticed he’s not exactly human in this au, there’s gonna be some discussion here of good ole ronan lynch angst-with-regards-to-his-existence-and-religion, so like, heads up there? and. discussion of like. some very sad things, but very very briefly. less discussion and more mention of them. look its ronan idk what to tell you aside from i have at least managed to avoid mentioning kavinsky for now so its not as bad as it could be anyway

(this is probably extremely rambly even for me, im so sorry. i can explain any number of things mentioned here in more detail if anyone would like) 

SO. ronan’s a cambion, at least by dnd terminology, idk how that term gets used in other contexts but the point here is he’s half-human and half-demon, BUT, v important to explain, even tho the characters don’t initially know this and it’s something they work out over time, demons are not necessarily devils; or, more accurately, there’s a category of creature that is not a fey but is somewhat fey-adjacent, follows their own very different set of rules to fey law and are reliant on ley lines in ways similar to a lot of fey beings and spaces, and that category of creatures was granted the name “demons” because that word already exists and this type of creature’s so misunderstood that people mistook them for devils. Whether the biblical demon also exists in this au i havent decided on and dont much plan to because its not super relevant 

BUT. taking inspiration from the horrible bee from canon, demons are, essentially, beings that are created due to a high degree of tragedy on a ley line, and the rules they operate by as well as their motivations are determined by the shape of that tragedy which created them. for example: the hornet demon from the books would be an example of what happens due to violence and bloodshed; it was born of blood shed in anger and life wrongly taken and as a result it exists only to destroy. however, not all demons are evil. example: take, say, a succubus (no stay with me hold on), like the one that niall lynch hooked up with made a deal with over in ireland one day. 

a succubus in this sense is a demon which is born of miscarriage; and they’re Like That because there, the tragedy is not one of destruction, but of lost potential and a life that never came to be. so a succubus is driven to make up for that lost potential in the form of, yknow, making another baby happen, 

and its that power of potential that is also why ronan’s got power over dreams still, it’s aaaall about creation and potential. and his mother, who he never actually met, she hecked off but niall kept the baby, wasn’t evil. just. operating on a different morality system but one which had no interest in hurting anybody. she’s still kicking around in ireland somewhere

RONAN meanwhile still has his two brothers, haven’t figured out yet if matthew’s still a dream thing or not, but. niall never got around to explaining how the demon thing worked before dying because it’s niall he’s terrible at explaining things. but ronan started being able to shapeshift p young--he’s got a fully human form, a fully demonic form, and a form that’s generally called hybrid but really he can shift to anywhere along the spectrum or just pop the wings or the tail out etc etc etc. his brothers both know ronan’s not human, its a family secret, its all chill, except then one day ronan shifts out the wings to help save a baby bird that fell out of a tree and someone outside the family sees that happen and from there things just get real bad and the lynches have to leave ireland in a hurry 

ronan’s demonic form actually ends up being strongly influenced by his own opinion of himself as he grows up; the church has him filled with enough doubt that he grows the horns and becomes more hulking and frightening and all that jazz, and he suspects that he would be burned or expelled from a church’s grounds if he were to shift forms on sacred ground, so he never tries it (he would not, because, as was previously stated, his mother isnt evil, but he doesnt know that) and he just. he hides it real hard. especially after niall gets himself murdered before ronan can finally just ASK about his mother

but! before that happens he meets gansey, who has a lot of interest in the fey and a theory that’s not quite right but is on the right track about demons being some poorly understood class of fey rather than something evil and that gives ronan a lot of hope for a while

yknow until he sees how much iron effs up someone who’s even got a LITTLE fey blood in them when adam gets shot and how when ronan holds that same arrowhead that put adam in so much pain it doesn’t hurt at all, rip 

he tells them that he’s a cambion well before he shows them the alt forms because there’s a point where he feels that they ought to know esp since ronan’s back to existential dread over what exactly he is, it’s kavinsky who ends up forcing him to shift in front of them for the first time, the whole kavinsky thing’s gonna DEFINITELY take at least one post all on its own a lot happens there, but for now: this is why ronan knew that pryderi wasn’t a normal deer (that and also because pryderi is a white tailed deer, which dont exist in england, so ronan was like, thats. thats not a real animal thats gotta be a fey) and also leads to some fun between him and noah because noah, unbeknownst to ronan, has decided that he and ronan are in fact engaged in a game of chicken to see who gets caught/outed for what they really are first. 

(ronan and gansey dont know what kind of fey noah is exactly. ronan assumes he’s something weak like a brownie. noah is definitely not a brownie) 

uhhh any more thoughtsssss 

last picture’s unfinished because idk why ronan’s fully demonic form is so hard for me to DRAW but he’s shaped roughly like beast from the disney movie, except as a big bird monster. also if ur someone he likes and you sleep using him as a pillow it’ll be the best sleep of your life w/ really good dreams and ronan also sleeps v well, its a thing that happens, ronan is in fact the best pillow 

[ao731]

Ever since I was little, I’ve had trouble sleeping. At best I get 4 hours of sleep. And when I do get some REM sleep... my dreams are weird. I’m a believer that your dreams can tell you about yourself. But somethings...I think I’d rather not know.

I work in a hospital now. And as you would expect, its been stressful over the past year. Its caused me to have really intense stress dreams. With how absurd everything has been, sometimes when i wake up... i cant unravel what was real... what was a dream. Sometimes, I call out sick. Too disturbed.... just needeing a mental health day. So i figure i'll write it out here. Worst case, I get it off my chest. Best case, maybe someone can tell me what they think.

So last nights dream started in an apartment. Shaped like one i lived in as a kid. But with all the furniture and colors I’d enjoy as an adult. A pretty yellow kitchen table. A multi-colored rug. Big sailors chests and bigger sofa’s and beds. Cozy and lived in and warm. But I could feel it wasn't my apartment.I’d never been there. It felt so inviting and familiar but new and exciting. A place I wanted to be but hadn't had the chance before.

 I was invisible... sometimes this happens in my dreams. I'm watching from an audience perspective, but then it will switch to me being one of the "characters" of the dream. If I dont get to far into the dream. If its closer to one of those 4 hours of sleep days, then sometimes I can control it. 

So I’m invisible and I’m a man. I'm a bisexual cis-female irl but in my dreams I'm male sometimes. IDK why, I don't really stress my gender identity or sexuality much. Maybe I’m wrong about my labels but its w.e.. I dont try to change those things in my dreams. Sometimes I’m a woman, sometimes a man. Whats important is that usually in my dreams I’m fixing something. My waking life is always fixing something and it bleeds into the dreamscape. I realize that this is so unlike my usual dreams. There is no anxiety. No task. I’m just looking around this nice space and I’m at peace.

So I’m male this time and invisible. And I’m not the only one here. I realize there a man in the kitchen. I know him and I’m so happy to see him. I start watching my "boyfriend." But I don't have a boyfriend IRL. When I wake up later I will realize he looks like Kieran Culkin from Scott Pilgrim. I’ll find it strange bc I’ve never had a crush on him. Barely ever seen him. The last time I saw Scott Pilgrim, I was crashing at my sisters house. Nursing a New Year Hangover. We had drank wine and I hadnt had to fix a thing. Rare peace. When I’m awake I will think maybe that peaceful hungover feeling had something to do with it. That space of clinging onto a night of tingling skin and loose limbs and quietly watching a movie is why I’ve used this man’s face. 

So anyway, I’m invisi-stalking my boyfriend. Lets call him Not-Kieran. He's looking hella stressed. He knows I want to come over later to see him. Hes frantically cleaning. But in a way I’m comfortable with bc I come from a "We cant let anybody know we SIT" family yet we NEVER invite ppl over. Anyway, I’m watching him clean and I’m just so happy just looking at him. I’m amused at first that he thinks i deserve all the trouble of cleaning but then i start getting concerned for him. 

He's mumbling to himself. Smacking his palms against his head every so often. Apparently his coworkers and family are stressing him. Not-Kieran is not Out to them. This comes as a shock to me. It feels wrong hearing his secrets. But i stay invisible. i don’t choose this. i don’t have control over it. He wants our relationship to be more serious but cant tell anyone about me. he seems so upset and i want to comfort him. i don’t want to be invisible anymore but i cant become a character. Something is stopping me. Something does not want me to interfere. I can feel it in my chest. Something bad is going to happen. i stroke his face and tell him its ok. i love him and i don't need him to change things for me. i don’t want him to feel pressured. i want to tell him, that i just want him to be happy. but I’m nothing but a ghost to him.

Then Not-Kieran starts talking to someone at the door. I cant see them. But I know they are aggressive. I’m nervous and upset as they start to yell at Not-Kieran. From what i can make out they are saying he's becoming agoraphobic. How didn’t I realize this. Everything seems fine when we are together. But I have trouble remembering what together is really like. I just know for some reason this feels wrong. This feels surprising. The Man at the door knows something is wrong with my boyfriend. They know something before I do. How does he know when I dont. They know something is wrong with my boyfriend. But they don’t know what. They are tired of waiting to find out. 

They come inside and I still cant see their face. No. They dont have a face. Just a space where a face should be. A place I instinctively know I should not look at. They come inside and they are still yelling. Still aggressing by boyfriend. He’s accusing him of being sick. Or is my Boyfriend admitting he’s sick. I cant make sense of the argument. I get the impression that something is changing about Not-Kieran. He’s not physically different just something is dark in his eyes. Something is tilted in the way he holds himself. Something is sharp in the way he gestures with his hands. He’s not the gentle often worried person I know him to be. 

Then shit gets real.

Not-Kieran picks up a knife and stabs the Man Without a Face. He keeps going. There is blood everywhere. But there was blood there before. Why didnt I notice there was blood everywhere before. He wont stop stabbing him...then he stops using the knife....He starts using his hands....his teeth. There’s blood everywhere. My boyfriend is covered in this man’s blood and organs. He’s ripping into this man who knew something was wrong before I did. Then he stops. He stops and says “Oh not again” 

He pulls up the sunny yellow kitchen table cloth and theirs a body underneath. Warm. No. Not a body...body parts. He removes the cushions on the sofa and reveals more body parts. He doesnt open the chests. The freezer against the far wall. I know. I know whats in them. 

What happened to my boyfriend. I’m not repulsed by him. I’m not disgusted. There is blood everywhere but I keep trying to look in his eyes as he flutters around the room. Hands smack against the sides of his head. “Oh, not again...oh not again.” such a soft sweet voice. And why does it still feel like something bad is going to happen. That feeling in my chest. It wont go away. How could anything be worse then this? My boyfriend is a murderer. No, no. Something is wrong with him. Something changed him. I dont want to believe he could do this but his hands are covered in blood. I cant rub away the splatter across his cheek. The darkness has left his eyes but I know it could return. 

How can this be a surprise when somehow I know these old bones. Like flashes. Little movie clips, Sepia toned reels of eat part in the pile. Each person they once were. I know what he’s done. Know he’s been doing this for a long time. Somehow I know he eats them. Days after the kill, like a feral animal in the woods finding a carcass. Know the things he denies. He likes holding a piece thats cold against his tongue. He likes putting the pieces, the parts that used to be a person, into neat little piles and licking at warm blood. 

Until he remembers he’s a man. Until he remembers that something has happened to him. That he is diseased and he cant go out. Can’t go out and shouldnt invite anyone in. Ever. Until he remembers and he cries. The kind of cries that wrack his body. He pulls at his hair. Smears more blood across his cheek and he cries. Cries like a child. Wet and weak. Like his body is hollow and he cant stop. He cant stop crying he cant stop smearing blood. The blood is everywhere and it always has been.

His hair has grown out. It’s suddenly days later. I’ve never been invisible this long. Never been a ghost this long. Never had to witness someone else’s sins this long. Never been powerless to stop his hand from shaking. He’s sitting in a pile of body parts. Trembling, he chews on them. And lays them out into piles. Then changes the order of the pile again and again. Chewing, arranging, crying. I still want to tell him...It’s ok, I just want you to be happy. Maybe my body feels the horror, feels repulsed by him. Maybe my body is sick but I’m a ghost and I still love him.

He beings to speak again. Just the same small and sweet tone he uses with me. But he cant see me. Can’t feel me touch his face. He’s talking to someone else here. I turn and sitting on a chair is a corpse. Its dry and burnt black. Skin like a dehydrated mushroom. Yet wet in places like something pulled from a swamp. It’s hair is twisted and matted hanging limply around a shriveled face. Nude and yet it’s body is so barely recognizable. Was it a woman. A man. Maybe I’m not supposed to know. It has no hands or feet. Just gestures with its stumps as it answers him. It speaks to him so lovingly. I know this man...this creature...though I’ve never seen them before. They werent in the perverse reel of carnage and cannibalism. I know him anyway and I know they love him. Do they love him just as much as I do?

 They’ve been here the whole time. Saw him with the Man With No Face. Saw him with countless others. He’s been here the whole time. But I didnt see him. I didnt see the blood. I didnt see this man that loves my lover. But I get the impression that he’s seen me. That he sees me still. His eyes have no pupil no color. Just a midnight dark orb in a shrunken skull. But those eyes turn in my direction as he speaks to Not-Kieran. Speaks in a soft lovely voice. Soothes him til he stops crying and beings to clean up the piles that were ppl. Speaks calmly and warm as my boyfriend rubs blood off his cheek.

The Shriveled man in the chair knows I still love him. He knows I know his secrets now. Knows I will be by this afternoon just for the chance to touch his face.

[laws-hat-headcanons]

Hiya Hat!! Can I please get some headcanons for Smoker, Kidd and Robin as parents please!!!

Oooooh!!! Oh I dont know what to call you with that name, because I usually just go the first part of the username but… uh anyway yes!! Great ask! 10/10. I love characters as parents and these are some of my faves!! Thank you! Hope you like it!!

Smoker, Kid and Robin as parents

Smoker

. The first time Smoker holds his baby in his arms he cries. Big tears, he doesnt even try to hold them back, he knows he can’t.

. How could he – of all people – deserve something as precious and wonderful as this?

. He is amazed by this little person. So small, so tiny, so fragile in his hands. He promises to protect his child until his death.

. Smoker is the over protective parent.

. Reads every book on parenting he can get his hands on and even then he isn’t sure it’s enough.

. Genuine pro at nappy changing. He has dealt with much worse than a bit of poop – he’s a Vice Admiral after all. There has been one or two occasions where he has just burned the clothes instead of bothering to wash them though.

. He baby proofs everything and once his kid starts walking he’s a nervous wreck.

. Every bump, scrape and scratch is like he has failed. And when his child cries his heart breaks a little bit each time. He will swoop in, pick them up and check them over and kiss them better, wiping away their tears.

. But he learns pretty quickly that children are resilient.

. Has a chest carrier, dose not give a shit if anyone makes fun of him.

. He only trusts Tashigi and Hina to watch his child. The rest of G5 isn’t getting near without a responsible adult present. Not a fucking chance.

. Genuinely loves going clothes shopping for his kid and picking out adorable little outfits.

. He has no idea on sizes though, just sort of holds it up to the child and is like “Yeah, i’m sure that will fit?” It’s not till Tashigi explains it that he actually starts getting the right sized clothes.

. Tashigi buys them matching outfits.

. Tries his best to not smoke around his child. Super super hard for him but he does manage it because his kid is more important than anything else.

Kid

. Lets be clear. Kid never wanted children and the only reason he has one now is because his partner wouldn’t get rid of it.

. So when he first sees the baby he is not expecting to feel anything other than annoyance.

. Which is exactly what he does feel when the little chewed up toffee is placed gently in to his remaining arm.

. When the nurse tells him to keep the head and neck supported he grunts and wonders how in the hell he is going to keep something so small and weak alive – on the grand line no less. Can't even hold it’s own damn head up.

. But he watches the baby, listens to the soft noises it makes and watches it’s little fingers opening and closing and something in him sort of shifts. And he gets this tight feeling in his throat that he can’t swallow away.

. He gives the baby to whoever will take it and leaves the room.

. Kid doesn’t hold the baby much after that. But he’ll watch it, in the night when everyone else is asleep and it’s just him and the kid. And he likes the way that when he puts his hand next to the tiny baby hand it curls it’s fingers around one of his and it’s so strong. And maybe he’s a little bit proud.

. He puts up panels around the ship so the toddler can’t fall in to the sea, but other than that it’s free to roam. There is always someone keeping an eye on it (mainly Killer, who is already wrapped around the babies little finger)

. When the child starts to crawl, then walk, Kid just lets it. He doesnt know the milestones for babies but he is convinced his child is above average.

. Doesnt realise it but he brags about his child all the time. To the crew. Random people. Sometimes his enemies. If anyone points it out he denies it and storms off.

. Makes really elaborate toys for his child. His kid has the coolest things to play with out of any child in the OP Verse.

. Whever Kid hears his kid crying he will be there in seconds. He might not always do anything. Might just tell the child to get up and stop being so lame, but he is always there – just in case.

. If anyone hurts his kid they’re in for a world of pain. Even if it was an accident. Even if it’s just a scratch. Kid isn’t having that.

. When it’s bedtime and his child won’t sleep, Kid will let them crawl in to bed with him, curled up around the stump of his arm with their back against his chest. And he will never, ever tell anyone. But he wouldn’t give those moments up for anything in the world.

Robin

. Robin never really planned to have children. Not because she didn’t want any, but because she didn’t think she would live long enough to get the chance.

. So when she finds out she is pregnant she is both shocked, pleased and a little overwhelmed.

. She doesn’t know if she should keep it – being a pirate is dangerous and she can’t. Can’t. Lose her child like she did everyone else she cared about.

. But she has the Straw Hats now, and they all promise her, above anything, they will protect her and her baby.

. And when the child is born she knows she made the right decision. When she holds her baby she can’t help the tears that trickle down her face. But she is smiling, and she doesn’t think she will ever stop smiling in that moment, looking down at her most precious treasure.

. All of the Straw Hats help to raise the child. It is spoiled rotten by Aunt Nami and Uncle Sanji. Never a dull moment with Uncle Luffy and Uncle Usopp. Always safe with Uncle Zoro and Papa Franky around. No scratch or scrape untreated with Uncle Chopper on hand and with Uncle Brook to sing them to sleep and Uncle Jinbei to snuggle with there are no bad dreams.

. Robin tells her child stories. She tells them of Ohara. Of her research on the Poneglyphs. Her time in Baroque Works and when she was imprisoned on Tequila Wolf.

. She promises her kid that there will be no secrets between them.

. While Robin trusts her crew with her life she always keeps an eye on her child no matter who is watching them. She doesn’t let the child out of her sight it she can help it.

. Nami and Jinbei are probably the only two she really trusts to be unsupervised with the kid.

. When they dock on new islands Robin takes her child with her to explore any ruins or ancient places she can find.

. She always makes sure her child is dressed correctly. Coats and boots for winter islands and cool clothes for summer islands. Robin keeps suncream and plasters on hand in case and she isalways prepared for any situation she might finger herself in where her child is concerned.

[xoxonawalwrites]

My stomach growled at me. I wish i had some money in my pocket. It is ironic to me for even say pocket when mine barely even meets the characteristics of one. it was just a bare string of thread holding the ripped holes together.  Nevertheless, I  still rummaged threw it like a thief rummaging for valuables. Nothing.

I smelt a mouth-watering aroma. My body reacted to this by secreting saliva .The poor thing! It really thinks i was about to eat food.All i  could do was swish  the saliva around  in my mouth hydrating the dry patches on my tongue . I guess it was extremely malnourished so any chance it could smell food of any kind it was preparing  for me to get it and eat it. The big question is should I?

I whizzed through the kitchen’s door as i heard large shoes clunking behind me at a fast pace.

‘‘You think you can do a scarper again!’’ Bellowed the obese shop owner.

God had heard my prayers. The oversized shop owner had become worn out.  As i  heard him taking large deep breaths not far away.His face looked like a freshly picked tomato with all of the redness concentrated  on the apples of his cheeks.

‘‘ i’ll catch you next time you little imp from hell !’‘ he said with a hoarse voice as he was still taking in deep breaths. I was suprised he hadnt died or had his first heart attack with all that layers of of skin taking a toll on his body.

A  smile of joy popped up on my face running from ear to ear.I jumped up and down with glee. My fiery red hair bobbed up and down like children playing bobbing apples bobbing their heads in and out of the water. I held the juicy roast beef in my hand with the succulent juice running between my bony stick fingers. I stopped and took a huge sigh of relief while intenesly sucking the mouth watering juice out of the meat like a vampire sucking the blood out of its prey.

I said to myself i get to live just one another day. While feasting on my stolen meat.

‘‘ Corsen Corsen!’‘

i did a full turn. Twisting my stick like neck looking around for the person who called me. Unfortunately, for my suprise the sound echoed from an eerie alleyway. I knew what this meant.

You see everyone has their own secrets. Secrets hidden deep down in their soul which they dont utter to a single living being.I have done acts which are horrible.Not even my so called ‘parents’ know about it.I have  dark unspeakable secrets.Forbidden secrets that i have done to merely get by. 

Yes, i know what is running through your mind. I mean i had to find money for food somehow. i wasnt proud of it but i still did it anyways. luckily, i came to my senses and knew that i had dreams i wanted to persue and didnt want to land up in jail before i was eighteen.

As soon as i saw him literal smoke steamed out of my ears,my face turned crimson red. i didnt even think. i used my puny weak fist and puched right in the nose. His nose was already crooked and stuck out like a proud peacock but i think i went too far. Okay i know i went to far. i broke his nose.

Blood gushed out of his nose like a flowing tap. The blood clotted around his nose. I know,I know your probably thinking why i did such an act. Well, i did mention that i did unspeakable acts but this case was different.

I was a mere child with childish girly thoughts. Back then my father wasnt a drunkard and my mother hadnt died. i was ten. He was fifteen. He grabbed the ribbon of my pink frock and grabbed me closer and close to his lips. I thought he was giving me a hug.  He grabbed the zip of my dress, untied it. He removed his trousers and.... well i think you are mature enough to know what happened.

I will never forget the day he forced himself upon me. I was scarred for life. Every time i meet him i have the urge to get a knife, slit his wrists,tongue and finally stab him right in the heart.

So. he really thinks after all those years i was going to run into his arms. Kiss him passionately and give him a hug. Ha! Jokes on him.

‘‘You cant try and freeze me and run away’‘ He said while wiping the dried up clotted blood with his filthy long sleeved shirt.

Though he was literally skin and bone he was in fact quite strong for someone who barely eats and drinks beer day in day out.

Before i could even say Merlins wand he grabbed my skinny wrist and forced my to look him in the eyes. A girl could easily get lost in those emerald green eyes but my eyes immediately started watering due to the alcoholic smell reeking out of his mouth and the fact that he smelt like he hadnt bathed in centuries.

‘‘ I dont know why but there is something about you that attracts me to you’‘ ‘‘ i always feel the urge to capture you and make you mine’‘.

He gave me a look.  A look that made me heart stop beating and made my body freeze while peeing in myself as i was petrified.

‘‘Let me go you pedophile’‘ i said while kicking him in the shins grabbing my wrist using my free left hand trying to grab his hand to let go of my right hand.

I felt a drip of sweat trickling down my back. He threw me to the wall, he leaned his body closer to mine, and his face was hovering in front of mine.

I used my left hand and shot sharp icicles into his chest giving me enough time to flee.

‘‘ I’ll catch you Corsen, I’ll catch you and i promise when i do i’ll never let you go you’ll be mine forever’‘ While wheezing blood and trying to take a deep breath.

I just hope i had’nt made a big mistake.

I didnt care if my underwear could be seen while i was running down the street at this point i just wish mens obsession with me could just stop.

You see i am a freak. I can do freakish things and i look like i freak.My eyes are far away from my nose. My lips are waaaayyy below my nose thus making me a target for kids to bully . I have been in and out of foster homes since i was 10. Back then my father was drunk 24/7 and my mom didnt have stage 2 breast cancer. 

It has’nt been easy since my mothers passing. My dad still  doesnt want to acknowledge the fact that she is gone and isn’t coming back. He then decided to take everything out on me. He used to whip me  till my voice when hoarse and i ended up passing out and couldnt tell if i was dreaming or dead.

Teachers at school noticed my whip marks and bruises even though i tried covering it up with oversized hoodies and sweatpants. They immediately called child protective services thus my relationship with foster families began. All my foster fathers ended up being creepos and used to watch me get changed and worst of all took advantage of the fact that i was a skinny,weak,puny kid and couldnt do anything to defend myself.

Dammit! The landlords sent another sweet little eviction letter. I quickly skimmed through it to see how much time i had until i was kicked out of this mangy apartment. Seven days! There was no way i was going to be able to get 700 dollars by the end of this week. I guess i had to just say goodbye to this mangy little apartment. Ugh! I actually was tearing up this was my first apartment after i got emancipated.

I just decided to  just throw on an oversized t-shirt and shorts and call it a night. Just when i opened the door of my room an eerie sound schoed from down the hallway. 

‘‘Hello Hello is Corsen here?’‘

Dammit! It’s the frickin landlord coming to evict me but  the letter said till next week. I was utterly confused. I hopped out of my bed,slipped on my mucky bunny slippers from salvation army and decided to take my wooden hairbrush with me just in case it was a murderer or kidnapper or somethin’. Hey! I wasnt about to get kidnapped and my kidneys sold online okay?

‘‘Is anyone here?’‘ ‘‘Come out and i won’t hurt you’‘ i said with a shaky voice. I was literally peeing in my underwear.

I heard heavy breathing and large footsteps. I suddenly remebered that there was nothing to fear as i have taken a few karate classes here and there.

AAAH! ‘’What in lords name,what are you doing here?’’

He looked like an angel sent from heaven. He smelt of pine cones and fresh earth after a springs rain.

‘‘ Ah so you must be Corsen,nice to meet you’‘ he said while having a enormous smile running ear to ear.

‘‘ Umm.... this is an invasion of private property, you know i can sue right?’‘

He chuckled so hard that his hair bobbled up and down. His silver hair was a kind of silver that is out of this world. Literally it was shiny sleek and smooth it looked out of this universe. He wore a green tunic with a brown belt and a green shoes on. Like hello the 1900s is calling and they want there clothes back.

‘‘ Well its a shocker i havent seen you since you were a baby and you still have the wild red mane of hair that you used to have, well time flies i guess’‘. he murmured under his breath with a little smirk on his face.

‘‘Ummm.. number one how do you know me and number two its kinda creepy that you saw me when i was a baby when i literally have no idea who you are’‘.

‘‘ i think you should lead me to the living room we have many things to discuss’‘ he hurriedly sat down making himslef comortable on the mouldy sofa set.

Hey! I wasnt made out of money and if my apartment had a fridge, televison and a sofa i was a happy camper.

‘‘So why are you here?’‘

‘‘Oh yes i was sent by Albus Dumbledore to tell you that you have got into Hogwarts’‘ he said with an serious look on his face.

I burst out into tears of laughter.Like does he really think i was stupid.Out of all the lies he could have told me, Hogwarts,like really.I guess he was just another social care worker trying to find ways to get me to come back.But i am not that that daft okay.

‘‘Whats so funny?’‘ while giving me  stern look.

‘‘Ummm.... you know Hogwarts doesnt exist right?’‘ ‘‘It was just a story J.K Rowling wrote for entertainment and imagination.

‘‘You know the whole magical realm has been in contact with the human realm for centuries now’‘. ‘‘The story of J.K Rowling or whatever her name was was half-truths’‘. ‘‘This Harry Potter bot your talking about was all just made up’‘.’‘But the sorting hat,Albus Dumbledore,Severus Snape and some othes are real’‘.

[purralyth]

How have things been going with Chariot and crew? Maybe I missed some things, but it feels like it's been awhile since I last heard of their shenanigans! Has the gf been helping out? Any crisises? (In the world around them or emotional?) What is the DEALIO I am ready to hear it!

haHAHAHA i’ll be honest i don’t talk much about their emotional/world crises because they are happening All the time. our dm wants to see us suffer. but let’s have a small summary shall we, i’m actually going to put this one under a read more bc we’ve done That Much

so first things first, the gang got shunted into the feywild, i talked about that much. that’s where we picked up our lovely little tiefling monk Fuarthas (Silence, back then) from his awful hag grandmother rosie, found chariot’s masked mom, and then got taunted by a fey demigod in his Hell Maze and he proposed to fuarthas and now they’re engaged because he’s a warlock now it’s fun shit. anyway. we get back to toril with the crew (and chariot’s masked mom’s ship, lovingly dubbed Eri’s Chariot after her daughter and her dead boytoy, that we thought we might have to leave behind) and we find out that in the MAYBE month-long period we’ve been in the feywilds, 2.5 years have gone by on toril. meteors have fallen from the sky, which is now a permanent blood red, people are chanting at these meteors embedded in the city like possessed cultists who attack anyone that threatens to take them out, and the worms coming out of the meteors are like kind of sort of turning people undead?? it’s messed up. Cool Stuff. but chariot’s aunt mom Serenity and uncle dad Patience opened up an orphanage so that’s cool

So we got some magic tattoos in some downtime (Chariot got 2, one on the back of her neck that lets her understand Undercommon, and another on her chest that gives her a free use of Mage Armour per day) and met up with some new NPCs, one of  which is traveling with us now as our cleric-fighter and is dating(??) our big tiddy big heart half-orc barbarian Lockjaw, and left our aasimar monk’s kickass wife behind to run her tavern bc she’s expecting. we go to look at some funky stuff going down in the town cemetary. first thing we do is go see erran, our moon elf friend we took into the feywild and hates us now for it, and he takes us into this portal and shows us this weird temple thing his supervisor or something had just discovered. there’s these murals on the walls of meteors striking the earth, and a flood, and some figures sailing on a ship through the sky, and then 7(?) figures, that like kind of seem like Us but not quite on par, so fun stuff, and these two HUGE statues in the main chamber. somebody presses a button and this fantasy Alexa bitch floats down from the ceiling and is like oh shit presences detected. and starts listing these titles, like Sufferer, and Guardian, and Exceptional, and then locks onto jia and is like ABERRATION DETECTED FUCK THOSE SHITS and tries to kill her so she has to run. basically without making this too long we find out that we (chariot, frazier, lockjaw, fuarthas, and frazier’s daughter) are descendants of some ancient heroes that saved the world once, and we grave rob just a little and get some cool magic items, and there’s this prophecy that we’ll stop the apocalypse or something?????? shit’s wack. we go back out to see jia and chariot’s trying real hard to cover for her but she’s like well i cant rly hide it anymore. hey guys i have an illithid tadpole In my brain and it didn’t develop so now i’m also part of a separate prophecy that i’ll wipe out all the illithid. but look at this i can float but chariot and i did some research and the only way to not have it be a problem anymore is to destroy my skull and then resurrect me. so that’s a lot of fun!!!!!

still in that cemetary, we find a trail of meteor worms. follow them into a secret passage that leads to the lair of Sunshine, masked mom’s dead assistant that chariot one-shot, but it turns out she’s a necromancer! she kicks our asses to unconsciousness even after chariot polymorphed into a t-rex and sells us to Neogi in the underdark, which if you don’t know what they are, google them, they’re fucked up spider giraffe eels that are evil incarnate and basically were slave trading us & psychically torturing Jia the whole way!! which made chariot throw cantrip after cantrip at them to try to hurt them so they just mind-control enslaved her over and over so that’s fucked her up good :)

we get sold to some drow after a week. beefy boys were sent to work manual labour til they die, and the rest of us were set to be sacrificed to Lolth, so we go haha we have to get out of here asap. chariot disguise selfs into a drow guard (a man bc i was very stupid) and gets caught 2 seconds out the door by a cleric of lolth, who sets up some mix between a dick appointment and an ass kicking for later bc chariot didn’t like. idk acknowledge her. fuck drow. she and fuarthas (who she was pretending to transport) skedaddle into a side chamber and a drow guard captain comes in. she goes to beat up fuarthas so chariot attacks her and a wild magic pops off and they fall mutually head over heels in love and lust with each other, which is MESSY. chariot convinces her to help round the gang up, but everywhere they look everyone’s gone missing (frazier and lockjaw got into a fight down at the manual labour camp and jia turned into a fish and shrieked so she’s gone) so chariot ends up wined and dined and tries desperately not to let this drow captain Do Her and does not take a long rest bc she has to stay awake and make sure this woman doesn’t wake up and see she’s not actually Erran the Drow Guard. but when everyone wakes up a shadow dragon is attacking this drow camp. cool. yes. awesome. fantastic. hell breaks loose, chariot and zarra (the drow captain) find frazier and jia in a stairwell, zarra kisses chariot goodbye and runs off to do stuff after a hefty persuasion check, jia gets Understandably Angry, we run like hell to find our magic items they bought with us and get the hell out of dodge With Lockjaw’s new orc army he’s recruited and the drow dude we found that’s a part of Frazier’s old order. shadow dragon finds us, holy shit she’s frazier’s adopted mom, she offers us a ride back while chariot very desperately tries to tell jia she doesn’t know what’s going on and why zarra kissed her and why she feels like this (she didn’t know it was a charm !!) and generally feeling Very Shitty. we get to frazier’s old monastery and the charm wears off, chariot and jia have a very long talk and chariot breaks a couple times, chariot steals a bottle of wine to try and feel better, she gets in shit for it and frazier takes the fall, he gets whipped as a punishment which just breaks chariot even more, she puts herself on house arrest for a full week, jia finally starts talking to her again 3 days into that, they do some drugs, chariot makes a deal with shadow dragon mama to split the cost of a teleportation circle and the gang blows up at her but she’s like nah it’s cool. at this point she is using her +9 deception to pretend she didn’t just break for a whole week and nothing happened and she’s totally good now guys dont even worry about it.

side tangent from All That, we go to deal with a giant problem for the monastery and there’s corpses strung up with the symbols on chariot’s palm all over. lots of combat yadda yadda, trap one giant in a room and ask her questions through the door, get some cool insight on chariot’s magics that she still has no idea how it works. turns out there’s a third queen of the feywilds, the queen of night and magic if i remember correctly, and she was shunned for her beauty and her and all of her subjects were made to be ugly and misshapen or some messed up stuff. chariots like oh fuck we were just there and no one said shit about a queen that apparently everyone hates that she has the symbols for on her Hands and honestly on her cape as well half the time. but ok cool that’s some new info sweet.

jia’s still guilting chariot for kissing zarra (even though it was a CHEEK KISS and she didn’t do it) because chariot’s been feeling awful that jia got into a romantic relationship (WITH FRAZIER’S DAUGHTER WHO JOINED JIA’S CULT, FUNNY ENOUGH) on her like 10 month leave bc she assumed she’d never get to see chariot again, but that’s a whole can of worms. lots of emotional fuckage though, chariot feels even worse that that happened bc jia hadn’t even been charmed, etc etc etc. but she’s never gonna say any of it bc she’s terrified jia will leave a second time and bringing any of that up might be what triggers it So!

we get told the neogi are selling slaves to jia’s old god, Ool’zakgothool the Aboleth who has been the Big Bad since like session 3-5, so we need to go stop that shit so we can go take down this aboleth and get frazier’s daughter back. but first we have literally no money bc we got sold and had all our shit stolen so we have to sell the like 700lbs of elven armour and weaponry we stole from a navy outpost place thing in the feywild. so we get to solve a little murder mystery in a gnome town so that’s fun. go back to the monastery, pick up some stuff, get some cool magic items made by our new artificer friend Jokk who’s part of the same prophecy we are, and head out again to fuck up these neogi. but on the way jia suddenly sprints ahead and gets like hug tackled by 5 kids who she apparently raised in her cult, and we get lead back to the marketplace where we plan on staking out the neogi and following back to their camp, but uh oh there’s 100 cultists here who swarm us and there’s some midsommar shit and we just fight the neogi right then and there and that’s basically where we’re picking up now. they enslaved lockjaw who oneshot chariot bc she’s a weak little bitch so jia kicked him in the ribs it was fun. and now we’re holding the elf that threatened to cut chariot’s tail off from our Neogi Cage Days hostage to tell us where the shiny gold head hauncho went bc he dimension doored out while chariot was paralyzed and couldn’t counterspell and we want him Dead. to be continued

[bonerattled]

❤️ 💔 💕 💖

hi i’m truly in love w u!!!! anyways!!!!

❤️: what’s the working title?

Hearts Full of Teeth also probably will be the permanent title. I rarely change my titles bc I usually settle on those before the actual story lol

💔: give a brief character bio of your 3-5 MCs

I’ve got 6 MCs so I’m gonna break the rules sry

Jamie Bannick: where do I even begin I love this boy. big ass martyr problem. in love w max and max knows it and they hooked up and it ended badly. at all times when things get uncomfortable his brain starts banging pots and pans together going MAKE A JOKE MAKE A JOKE MAKE A JOKE. his self worth directly depends on how well he can take care of everyone else (bad!!!) and yet refuses to receive the same help from others. trying his best to grapple his grief over losing Summer and failing. an absolute bi icon and we stan

Hank O’Donnell: Jamie’s bestest best friend. the only person who can call him out on his shit and not receive a defensive and snappy response bc they love each other that much. hates confrontation like would rather die. you’d have to hold a gun to his head (or be a very persistent jamie) to get him to ever communicate his feelings about something. queen of bottling feelings!!!! truly unproblematic even tho he doesnt think so. walks w a cane ever since the monster. 

Philippa “Flip” Kim: absolutely that bitch in high school who excused being a bitch as “i’m just blunt and honest!” but she’s better now. a ballerina in new york!! smokes so many cigarettes it’s frightening. still cannot tell a lie--if u wanna know the real truth abt smth she will tell u. absolutely chaotic and up for anything at all time would rob a bank it wouldn’t take that much convincing other than “it’ll be funny”. would literally truly die for her friends and almost did last summer. big scar on her face from it. we dont talk about that. bi solidarity w Jamie and i love it

Max Enfield: a gay mess and a surprise fav like u think hes a dick and then he grows on u. in love w jamie (and jamie is dumb so does not know this) but got so scared abt it he retreated and knows he ruined everything. pretends to be dumb but is actually v v smart. just never has the shared braincell of the group. runs from love bc thinks he doesn’t deserve it esp w Jamie who he thinks hung the fuckin moon tbh, when he’s scared he turns it to angry or funny to hide it. fear is weakness says him and no one else!!! wonderfully sarcastic

Cooper Calloway: team leader. missing ring and pinky finger on his right hand. we also dont talk about that. the absolute mom friend and kind of a kill joy but it comes from love he just wants everyone to be safe. definitely the one that makes food for everyone at 3 AM when they’re drunk. terrified of failure and sees what happened last summer as his fault bc he made the plans. we love him even tho hes pretentious at times. 

Lou Eisner: i’d do anything for them!!!!! can read anyone like a book but keeps it to themselves bc they r sensitive and loving and r always there for anyting ppl need but won’t push or persist. They just Know Everything and will shut up abt it until u come to them w a “secret” and they r like yeah i know lol. but do keep any secret u tell them and wouldnt tell it even if they had a gun to their head!! probably knows all of their friends’ love languages bc they r an angel. very good at knowing exactly what ppl need and how and why. love getting high. obsessed w the supernatural they know every cryptid ever probably. 

(phew that was way too long sorrrryyyy!!!)

💕: what has your favorite scene been?

Probably the scene where the Bastards all finally reuinte together after a year apart!!!!! and get super high and have the best time. oh those were the days.

second to that is probably when they find Jamie at the bridge. I love these kids sm

💖: are you planning on publishing it? if so, how?

this and wtdss I definitely wanna publish but it still feels v far in the future so figuring stuff out. have a few friends of friends who r published YA authors that I have talked to!! We shall see. I definitely want HFoT out in the world!! it deserves it I think. even if my actual writing quality says otherwise lol 

writer wip asks✨

[johnnysnostril]

Without You

chapter thirteen 

johnny’s pov

i sat in the parking lot of the hotel with the flowers in my lap. 

how the hell was i going to find ivy?

i sighed and threw my head back.

“listen, i need help. so can you please- just send me a sign?” i said talking to god out loud.

as i lifted my head, out walked alonna and jae from the hotel lobby. i sat up straight in the drivers seat and leaned forward a bit.

that was definitely jae, walking alonna to ivy’s car.

she was all dressed up.

i wonder where she’s going..

jae kissed her goodbye, then watched her pull off.

as he walked back into the lobby, i started my car and followed alonna.

ivy’s pov

rolling out of bed, i ran to the bathroom to get ready for Laura’s.

ivy’s outfit:

as i hopped in the uber, i smiled out the window. all i could think about was mark kissing me after he left.

i could still feel his lips on mine, as i ran my fingertips over my lip gloss.

pulling up to the restaurant, i was immediately seated for a table for two- outside.

i bounced my leg underneath the table as i waited for alonna.

it seemed like forever, until i seen my car pull into the parking lot.

i hopped out of my seat and walked over to the small gate that divided the tables from the sidewalk.

calling out for my sister, i waved her over and she smiled.

as she approached me, i reached to hug her over the gate.

“i missed the memo for dressing up.” i laughed.

alonna’s outfit:

“i mean, you did say brunch. this is how i normally dress for the occasion.” she laughed.

i watched alonna walk inside, then prance her way over to our table.

“spill the tea.” she said as she pointed her finger at me and raised her eyebrows. 

“before i have to kill you for walking out the door with mark.” alonna set her purse down on the extra seat and crossed her legs as shes sat.

i giggled to myself as the waitress walked up. we ordered two mimosas.

“am i going to have to beat this juicy story out of you, or what?” alonna said losing her patience.

i sighed and tucked my hair behind my ear, sitting down.

“nothing major happened.. i’m just liking his attention right now.” i admitted.

“so, what about johnny. you don’t have feelings for him, do you?” she said resting her elbows on the table.

“i don’t know. i mean, he did admit that he had feelings for me- at his party. but then he beat up mark. which made me change my mind about him.”

alonna nodded.

“well, you need to stay away from him. he put you in danger and im not okay with that.”

as our drinks were served, alonna took a big sip- closing her eyes.

i waited for a moment before i dropped my bomb on her.

“why didn’t you tell me about you and jaehyun?”

she shot her eyes open and nearly choked on her drink.

i laughed and handed her a napkin.

i was honestly sad that she didn’t tell me.

did she feel like she couldn’t trust me?

my sister sighed, pouting.

“i didn’t know how. plus i was scared..” she folded her arms across her chest and looked off to the side.

“it’s not like i was going to tell you not to do it. i mean, look at me.”

shrugging my shoulders, i took a drink of my mimosa.

“my feelings are hurt, but i just thought we told each other everything..”

she poked her bottom lip out at me.

“i’m sorry.. i guess i just didn’t know how to bring it up to you. and i didn’t want you to feel like i was rubbing it in your face at all.”

i nodded my head.

“you could have also told me that you knew them before “meeting” them at the airport.”

alonna rolled her eyes.

“you would have never came to the studio with me, if i told you that i knew them before.”

“yeah. you’re right.” i laughed, agreeing with her.

“no more secrets, okay?” 

i held out my pinky and waited for her to do the same.

“i promise. no more secrets.” extending her pinky, i connected mine with hers.

she smiled as we released the sealed deal and picked up her menu.

“i also dated taeyong for a little bit too.” she said hiding.

“alonnaaaa!” i laughed.

johnny’s pov

watching from the drivers seat, i clutched onto the floors.

i felt so weird, like i was spying on them.

well, technically i was.

suddenly my phone rang.

jaehyun.

“hello?” 

“hey, man. where are you?” jae asked.

i had to lie.

“uh, at my dad’s shop- helping out. what’s up?”

“malcolm needs us at the studio. we’re meeting with marteen today and it’s just going to be me, you and mark. so could you please- be chill about this?” he asked.

i rolled my eyes at the sound of his name.

“what time?”

“around 2pm. can you meet me at the studio before the meeting though?”

i nodded.

“i’ll be there at 1. see you then.”

i quickly hung up the phone and shoved the device in my pocket.

“perfectly timing.” i mumbled as i watched alonna get up and walk away from the table.

bathroom break, im assuming. 

gathering up all the confidence i had left, i opened the car door- jumping out and taking the flowers with me.

i dodged being in the sight of ivy, quickly making it to the entrance.

the host greeted me and i smiled, walking past him.

taking a deep breathe, i made my way outside and walked to ivy’s table.

ivy’s pov

looking out into the parking lot, i tilted my head a bit.

that almost looked like johnny’s car.

i furrowed my brows, feeling a present behind me.

“that was quick.” i laughed. “hey, does that look like johnny’s car to you?”

i turned around expecting to see alonna, but it was johnny instead.

he had a weak smile on his face, with a bouquet of flowers in his hand.

“yeah, that’s me.” he chuckled.

i leaned away a little and placed my hand over my heart.

“johnny?.. what are you doing here?”

he quickly pulled up a chair, sitting next to me.

“i’ll make this quick. cause i know you don’t wanna see me right now and i really don’t wanna get slapped again.” he halfway chuckled.

“ivy- i like you. that’s all there is to it. i’m not totally sure if you like me back, but i hope that you still do. i know that what i did to mark was wrong-”

i tensed up at his name.

“there’s no excuse for what i did. and i take full responsibility for my actions.”

johnny slowly reached his hand out for mine, squeezing it.

“i apologize, for putting you in that type of environment. and if you give me a chance to prove that i’m actually a good person- you wont regret it.”

i furrowed my brows as i listened.

i wanted to cry so badly because i could see in his eyes, that he was truly sorry for everything he did.

“i don’t need an answer right now. you can take as much time as you need to think about it-” handing over the flowers, he leaned in to kiss my forehead.

“just know that i have feelings for you. and i wanna get to know you better.”

watching him stand up, i hugged onto the flowers.

“i hope you can forgive me, ivy.”

johnny gently tossed my curls off my shoulder and softly smiled.

“you look beautiful by the way..”

my body was frozen. i couldn't speak or think.

i had half the nerve to stand up and kiss this man right on his lips, for admitting that he was wrong. i knew that wasn't easy for anyone, so i respected him for that.

i watched as johnny made his way back out to his car, and drove off.

“girl- the soap in that bathroom smells so freakin-” alonna said approaching the table.

her eyes went straight to the flowers, then back at me.

“how did he know where we were?” 

i was quiet.

“ivy! did you tell johnny that we were meeting?” she asked as she sat down, waving her hand in front of me.

i shook my head.

“oh my god- he must have followed me from the hotel then. that little fucker.” alonna looked out into the parking lot and groaned.

“i told him to stay away from you.” she pulled out her phone, dialing some numbers.

“you told him what?” i said keeping my grip on the bouquet.

jaehyun’s pov

pulling up to the studio, i sang to myself- making my way into our room.

“well, well, well.” 

looking over towards the booth, i seen taeyong slipping the headphones off his head.

Malcolm looked up from the keyboard in the corner and smiled.

“nice to see you, my man!”

i gave him a head nod, closing the door.

“figured we’d have a little meeting, before out meeting.” Malcolm laughed.

“i dont need a meeting with him.” i said pointing over to taeyong. “im good.”

reaching for the door handle, Malcolm caught me by the arm.

“come on, jaehyun. this conversation needs to happen. you know i dont do negative vibes in my studio. and this deal with marteen will not be ruined.”

i clenched my jaw and rolled my eyes.

“now, have a seat.”

as taeyong walked out of the booth, he smirked in my direction.

i really wanted to punch his stupid ass in the face.

“now- while marteen is here, we wont have a replay of the other meeting we had- will we taeyong?”

taeyong shot his gaze at malcolm- who was pointing over at him.

“no sir.” he answered in a serious tone. 

“jae.” malcolm looked over at me.

“im good. you know im not with the bullshit anyways.”

he clapped his hands together and smiled.

“that’s my boy! now, you two need to squash whatever drama you have before 2pm. you've got an hour and i want all body parts in the same condition they were in, when i leave. got it?”

malcolm made his way out the studio and i took a seat.

taeyong’s pov

i spun in my chair, thinking of a smartass comment to make.

pulling my beanie down a bit, i playfully smiled in jae’s direction.

“how’s my sloppy seconds, bro?” i laughed.

jae kept his eyes on me, not moving a muscle.

“let me make this clear, you mention her name- or say anything bad about her, i’m knocking your ass out. no questions asked.”

alonna’s smile ran through my mind.

i leaned back in my chair, trying to keep my cool.

dont kill him. dont kill him.

“i’m just wondering how my dick taste.” shoving my hands in the pocket of my hoodie, i watched as jae rolled his neck.

“you should be more worried about being able to breathe in a minute.”

the muscles in his jaw flexed once again. 

i smacked my lips.

“you know i could snatch her away from you at anytime jae, you dont completely have her, you know.” i laughed.

“what the fuck is your problem? what are you so mad about? is it that you can’t have her, or are you trying to cope with the fact that im better than you- in every fucking way possible.”

jae stood up from his chair and i joined him.

“you're lucky that i haven’t fucked you up, already. alonna is the only person that’s keeping you safe right now. if it was my choice, you’d be dead.”

he spoke.

i lifted my brows.

“wow- my feelings are hurt.” i laughed, kicking my chair back. “especially since, she’s been in contact with me- since i broke her little heart. sorry to break it to you, but she still wants me.”

jaehyun’s pov

i ran my fingers through my hair, becoming frustrated.

“you’re a fucking liar.”

he was bluffing. he wanted me to get angry. he liked the drama.

“oh yeah?” taeyong said pulling out his phone.

“isn’t this your bathroom at the hotel?”

taeyong pulled up a picture of alonna, posing in her bra and underwear.

i snatched the phone out of his hand. my body was shaking.

“how did you get this?” i said throwing his phone back at him.

she sent that to me after she left to meet with ivy, for brunch.

today. just a few hours ago, that picture was taken.

he simply caught his phone and laughed.

“she sent it to me, stupid ass. how else would i have got it?”

[anarcoqueer1994]

Don't Let Me Go

*This is a Trans!TJ story I wrote a month ago on Archive of Our Own. Hope you like it. (Also you are still so valid if you dont pass or dont want to pass <3)

TJ was a boy. He had always felt like a boy. Even when he was young, and he would be put into cutesy little dresses like the girls in his class(he knows some boys wear dresses, he just doesn't feel great in them.), or when people would call him she/her, or when the other boys would exclude him because "No Girls Allowed", he knew he was a boy.

In the third grade, his wonderful mother, let him chop off his long hair and let him start wearing "boy's clothes." Some kids were mean of course but his big sister, Amber, wouldn't let anyone mess with him.

The most painful person to remember was Jay. Jay promised to be his best friend. But as soon as he started dressing more like a traditional boy, Jay made fun of him for being a freak. He said he was not a real boy. It broke his heart.

TJ never wanted to feel hurt like that again. TJ began forcing himself to be meaner, tougher, anything to make himself seem more masculine. He desperately wanted to pass. He did not want anyone to question who he was, that he was a boy. Unfortunately, one thing held him up from being able to hide that he was a trans boy, everyone in his class remembered when he presented as a girl, and many of them never quite treated him like a "real" boy. It was not fair. He was a boy just like all the other guys in his class but just because he was born with different parts, he was treated differently.

This all changed in middle school. Shadyside had a few different schools depending where you lived in town. TJ's mother talked to the school district, and managed to get him sent to Jefferson. It was across town from him and no one from his elementary school would be there. Only a few teachers would know that he was trans. This was an opportunity for him to blend it.

Unfortunately, this was also a time where puberty was kicking in. So even though he was in a new school, he was still nervous. He began binding the summer before 6th grade. On his first day of Jefferson, he made sure everyone knew that he was a tough guy that should not be messed with. He established himself early as a bully. He figured no one could hurt him if he pushes them away first He also made it clear that he was the best basketball player and by the end of the year he knew he was going to be the captain of the basketball team the following year. Plus he was so glad that he was allowed in the boys team, no question. He goes out of his way though to stay after practice to clean up so he doesn't have to deal with the locker room awkwardness. He has pulled it off, no one knew his secret.

By 7th grade, he could basically do anything. He was a popular jock. But he also had built up a thick wall around him. That's when Buffy Driscoll ruined everything for him. How could coach let a girl on the team? It was a boy only space. No one questioned him being in it because everyone knew he was a boy. Then here comes Buffy, a girl, intruding in. Plus...she was just as good of a player as him. That's really scared him. Basketball was all he had. He wasn't good at math, he felt like a freak whenever he looked in the mirror, he had to work harder and harder to keep his voice deep, but basketball made him feel like he was worth something.

So he was a jerk to her. Part of him felt bad about it but he needed to protect himself. He was even crappy when he was forced to ask her to tutor him. He was doing fine at keeping up being mean until she introduced him to that short, adorable, dork, Cyrus. The moment TJ laid eyes on him and his cute smile, he felt like his world was going to crash down around him. On one hand, he loved that he helped this sweet cutie get a muffin. It made him feel like a tough protector, very manly.

But on the other hand, the butterflies in his stomach were making him feel weak. He can't believe his first crush...is on a guy. He couldn't believe it, not only was he trans, but now he is worried he is gay too. But no matter how worried about getting close to Cyrus or being gay he was, he couldn't help himself.

He remembers seeing the boy swinging alone and he could of just passed by but he didn't. Against his better judgement, he walked up to the boy and started to talk. He was a little saddened when Cyrus thought of him as a scary basketball guy, but that was his own fault. But when he said his name, Cyrus said he knew. TJ smiled to himself thinking about Cyrus knowing his name. .And then that boy smiled at him...no for him.That beautiful smile was for TJ and TJ alone. Cyrus was enjoying hanging out with TJ. TJ thinks about how he laughed and screamed while TJ pushed him on the swing. When his hands touched Cyrus' back, he almost forgot to breathe. Then he ran under the swing and yelled "Underdog." That's when he got to see Cyrus' sweet face as he was swinging.

It was a few weeks later though that he knew for sure that Cyrus had his heart. TJ was angry about feeling stupid and not being allowed in the game. He decided letting Cyrus get close to him was too much of a risk at that moment. He was so mean when Cyrus came to check on him. But then instead of giving up, that persistent boy followed TJ. Cyrus had left the game where his best friend was the star to be with him. Cyrus managed to help him with his feelings towards his learning disability. When he said there was nothing wrong him, TJ knew this Cyrus could see past the mean exterior he put up, and still liked what he saw underneath. And like that TJ's walls started to crumbled down, even if it was just for Cyrus at first.

In the year that followed, he started opening up for others too. He lost some friends, Reed and Lester, but gained better ones in Cyrus' friends. He has to admit he was a little nervous at first with Jonah, given that they played little league together but it's fine. Jonah either doesn't remember that TJ is trans or is just respectful enough not to out him.

He was truly happy right now. It was the first time in his life he felt good about everything going on. It was the weekend during the winter break of his eighth grade year. He, Amber, Andi, Buffy, Marty, Jonah, and of course, Cyrus, were going sledding. They meet up at The Spoon, and walk over to the tallest hill in Shadyside together. On the way over Cyrus is visibly nervous.

Cyrus lets out a nervous laugh. "So anyways, I think I will stay back on the top of the hill and watch every one's stuff. I'm cool not sledding."

Buffy rolls her eyes. "You know you have to face your fear sometime. Come on sledding can be fun."

"Yea, didn't you dirt bike a few months ago? This is way less scary." Andi chimes in.

"Wrong. I had a helmet and padding on. There is nothing separating me and the icy ground if I fall out of the sled. " Cyrus retorts.

TJ lets out a little huff of a laugh. "Underdog, you can go down with me if you want. I mean I can protect you from the ground. I promise I won't let go." TJ smiles. Andi and Buffy exchange knowing looks. TJ become self conscious all of a sudden. "I mean of course if you want to...you don't have to."

"No actually that would be great. Cross another thing off my bucket list. But you gotta keep your promise to protect me, deal?" Cyrus smiles and slips in a little wink.

TJ blushes but hopes people don't notice because of the cold air. His heart feels like it is going to beat out of his chest. He wonders if Cyrus realizes that he is flirting. No, of course he is not flirting. He is probably not even gay. TJ is just reading too much into it, right? He composed himself and says "Deal, Cy."

"Alright Cyrus!" Jonah pats him on the back. "You're going to sled!" TJ subconsciously gets a little jealous of the smile Cyrus flashes at Jonah but ignores the feeling.

They finish making their way to the hill. Marty and Buffy waste no time, already making it a contest to see who can get down to the bottom first. The others are moving more leisurely. Despite the earlier conversation, TJ notices Cyrus standing back. He looks apprehensively at the hill.

TJ walks up to him and says softly, "You don't have to do this, Cyrus." He tries to ignore how close Cyrus is to him right now. He can't believe Cyrus can make him feel so weak.

"No Teej, I...I want to. Let's um do this, okay?" He gives a small smile.

TJ leads the shorter boy over to sleds. He sits down in the back of a long plastic sled and puts his leg on either side of it so Cyrus has room to get in. TJ says one more time. "You don't have to Underdog."

"No I'm going to." Cyrus gets into the sled as confidently as he can. His back is resting against TJ's chest. TJ is pretty sure Cyrus can feel his heart pounding even through a thick winter coat, a hoodie, a t-shirt and his binder. Cyrus says "Now remember, you said you promise you won't let go." The brunette says while looking down at TJ's hands just resting on the sides of them.

"Oh...yeah ..um...sorry." TJ nervously wraps his arms around Cyrus' body. He keeps telling himself that this is no big deal. You are just helping your friend. "Ready, Muffin?" TJ suddenly gets really stiff. He can't believe that came out of his mouth.

"What did you just call me?" Cyrus twists his head around to look at the blonde.

"Oh God, I'm sorry...it just came out...I'm sorry…" TJ starts to ramble.

"No, it's fine. It's cute." Cyrus gives a big smile before turning back around.

Cute. Did Cyrus just call something he did, cute? His head was racing with so many thoughts. He has to remind himself to kick off.

"As I was saying, ready?"

Cyrus nods as TJ kicks off. He feels Cyrus place his own hands over TJs arms as they speed down the hill. Cyrus is yelling like he did that first day at the swing set. TJ can't see his face but know he smiling. And TJ is smiling too like a love struck idiot. He couldn't be gladder that Cyrus could not see him.

Eventually they come to a stop at the bottom of the hill. Cyrus turns his head to look back at TJ again. "That was exhilarating!"

"I told you I would not let anything happen to you." TJ gives a big grin then stares at Cyrus for a moment. Suddenly he realizes he is still holding onto Cyrus' waist. He haistedly goes to remove his arms.

"You could of left your arms there for a bit longer." Cyrus says casually. Oh God, TJ thought, was Cyrus really flirting with him? He doesn't know how it is possible but his heart was beating even faster. Luckily he is saved by Andi calling out to them from the too if the hill.

"Are you guys going to sled some more or sit there all day?" TJ sees Amber giggle by her side.

"We should get back up there." TJ says nervously.

"Yes, that's a good idea." Cyrus agrees before both boys get up and walk back up the hill. The kids spend the rest of the afternoon sledding and then head back to Cyrus' dad's house to warm up. Everyone brought clothes to change into because the snow made the clothes they were wearing soaked.

Marty goes up to the second floor bathroom to change. Unfortunately, Marty doesn't realize someone is already in there when he opens the door to find TJ in the middle of changing. TJ looks mortified as the other boy quickly closes the door, apologizing as he does. TJ's back was to the door, so he isn't sure what Marty saw but he definitely feels exposed. All the worst scenarios play through his head. What if Marty goes and tells everyone what happened? He is pretty sure his friends wouldn't hate him or anything but what if they treat him differently if they knew.

He finishes putting his clothes on and slides quietly out of the bathroom. Marty isn't in the hallway, and he is relieved that he doesn't have to face him yet. He needs a bit before he goes downstairs. He sees an empty guest room a few doors down, so he goes in there to collect his thoughts. He sits on the edge of some really nicely made bed.

He is still in shock over what happened. How could he be so careless to not lock the door? He did so good blending in. He had so many plans. This coming summer, he had convinced his mom to let him start taking T. But now, no matter what he does, his friends are going to see him like his old classmates did. God, just when things were going right.

Then another thought crossed his mind. This is going to blow his chance with Cyrus. How could Cyrus want him if he knew the truth. He felt so defeated. All he wants to do is go home and lay in bed. And to think, a few hours ago, he had Cyrus against his chest and if he did not know any better, he swore Cyrus was flirting with him. He sits alone with his thoughts for a while.

He does not realize how much time he had been in that room until he hears a faint knock on the door.

"Teej? Can I come in?" It's Cyrus. His voice sounds so little. TJ knew it, Cyrus must be disappointed about TJ's secret.

TJ takes all his strength to say "Come in…" He does not turn his head to face Cyrus as he comes into the room. He is not strong enough to face him.

Cyrus speaks first. *TJ, I'm so sorry.'

This catches the blonde off guard. He turns around to meet Cyrus' eyes "Wait, why are you sorry? You didn't do anything."

"I made you feel so uncomfortable today...that's why you are you here avoiding everyone."

"Underdog, I don't know what you are talking about. I'm so confused." TJ scrunches his eyebrows up.

Cyrus starts rambling. "Today, when we were sledding. I mean before we were sledding, Buffy and Andi got it into my head that maybe you liked me the way I liked you. Buffy said I should face my fear and put myself out there. So when you met up with us, I had an idea. I tried my best to flirt, and I thought you may have been flirting back. Like you called me muffin and you held onto my waist for a long time, and I think I read to much into it. I crossed a line and now you can't even be in the same room as me.'

Did Cyrus Goodman just tell him he likes him too. TJ can feel his cheeks go bright red. He is blushing like crazy. Marty must have kept the secret to himself if Cyrus thinks this is the issue. "Wait. Cyrus? Is that what you think? You think I don't want to be in the same room as you? You have to be the oblivious one. I like you so much...I just can't believe you like, like me too." Cyrus steps closer to TJ as the older boy continues to speak. "I loved holding you close to me and I love anytime that I'm with you. I love listening to you talk about anything, and I love that I feel like I can be myself around you. I love when our hands brush together and I love when you smile at me like I'm the only one in the room. I'm not really sure what it means to be in love but if I had to guess, I would say I'm in love with you."

Cyrus' face was now mirroring in redness from blushing. "You mean that Teej?"

"I've never meant anything more."

Cyrus, who is now standing right in front of TJ, leans down and places his fingers under TJ's chin. He gently tilts the basketball player's head to look up at him. His eyes flash down to TJ's lips. Then abruptly, TJ pulls away. "Wait .."

"Oh no, I'm sorry. Am I moving too fast? I just never thought the guy if my dreams would say he loves me as much as I love him." Cyrus goes to step away but TJ grabs his hand.

"It's not that, Cy. I have something I need to tell you before you commit to dating me. You may change your mind."

"You're scaring me TJ." Cyrus says rubbing the rough skin in TJ's knuckles with his thumb.

"I'm honestly scaring myself. But you deserve the truth about me. I'm not like most guys."

"If course you are not. You are better." Cyrus gives a weak smile.

"That's not what I mean. I'm not built the same as you, or Jonah, or Marty. I'm...I'm transgender. And, like, don't get me wrong, I don't hate my body or anything...most days at least, but it is not like most boys our age. And I was in here because Marty walked in in me changing. I didn't have my binder in and I was worried he saw. But it seems like he kept it to himself, which I appreciate. But I wanted you to know and I would understand if you don't want to date me anymore. I get it…" TJ was looking down as he trailed offj, afraid to look at Cyrus' face

Cyrus sits on the edge of the bed next to TJ, still holding the other boy's hand.. He puts his free hand on the side of TJ's head turning it to face Cyrus. "I like...love you TJ. I didn't fall for you because I thought you were a cisboy. I fell for you because you were the cute, sweet, basketball playing boy that managed to steal my heart a little more every time I hung out with you."

"You don't think I'm a freak?"

"Of course not. There is nothing wrong with you."

"You know dating me isn't going to be easy. I plan on transitioning more over the next few years, things like hormones, and maybe surgery. That is alot to deal with."

"Well bring it on. I don't plan on going anywhere as long as you want me, not-so-scary basketball guy. I promise I won't let go."

"You won't? Let go, I mean. You won't leave me even when it is hard?" TJ sounds desperate to believe him. He is so scared of being hurt again like he was when he was younger. He thinks back to the old best friend that abandoned him.

"Never, never ever. I could never let go of you " Cyrus says sincerely.

TJ feels like his insides are on fire. Cyrus was truly the most amazing person he could ask for in his life. Without thinking, TJ leans in and places a gentle kiss in Cyrus' lips. He pulls away slightly to see what happens next. Cyrus answers the unspoken question by leaning back in and deepening the kiss.

When they pull away for air, both boys can't help but grin. "Wow." TJ says. "That was my first kiss and just ..wow."

"I wish it was my first kiss...mine was with a girl, Amber's friend, Iris. I liked it much better with a guy." Cyrus smiles.

TJ knew he made the right chose telling Cyrus. After everything Cyrus just found out, he still sees TJ as just as much a boy as he has ever been. TJ says softly. "Does this mean we are dating now."

"Only if you want it to." Cyrus says in a hopeful voice.

"Then yes, we are dating." TJ smiles and sits in a comfortable silence with his new boyfriend.

[kaix-maxi]

why you should love nikaidou yamato

i love the drunk onii-san of i7, he’s literally hilarious,,, ANYWAYS, why should you love nikaidou yamato?? well if you don’t already, i’m about to tell you now!

one, yamato is the leader of i7!! he literally takes care of everyone, especially the underage group,,, he prepares lunches for them!! he even sticks cute flags into tamaki and iori’s lunchboxes, like that’s literally the sweetest imo,,, he acts like some old geezer that’s not interested in putting in effort and wants to take it easy, but he does all this,,, -cue tamaki voice- ty yama-san.

ALSO,,, please don’t forget the time i7 danced outside trigger’s live tour (after the ban was lifted)! they ended up getting in trouble so tsumugi decided she was going to go off to apologise, and smack bang! yamato is outside!! he knew tsumugi was going to get her head blown off, and decides to come with her, saying he’s the leader of i7 and he should also take some of the responsibility of i7 deciding to dance outside!! he’s literally such a big supporter of i7

and that leads straight onto my second point!! two! yamato is so supportive of i7 in general,,, like first and foremost, remember at the audition? he was going to drop out because he was going to let the people that actually had dreams go and try to achieve them! like it went straight to everyone else, then himself in that moment,,, what a good boy

also please don’t forget that he is so weak-willed to honest and hardworking kids like riku and mitsuki! and ok ok, he is honestly super weak to mitsuki,,, like it’s occasionally mentioned in the story that when yamato sees mitsuki working super hard, he actually wears this super upsetting expression because he’s in this for revenge, whereas mitsuki’s dream was to be an idol since he was a kid. he has a big heart.

and remember the king’s game?? he just wanted tsumugi’s lap pillow and then,,, he just gets riku. and he’s like “ahhh i want out“ but riku’s just so happy about getting chosen that he relents and decides to use riku as a lap pillow despite how much he doesn’t want to (i mean cmon look at his face, does that look like a face of willingness? yes but look at how happy he’s making riku) he’s so important in making i7 happy

three, despite how much he cares, he’s so lazy,,, i mean, isn’t that the biggest mood?? if you can’t relate to liking to take it easy,,, i beg you to take a break and just,,, rest,,, like please.,.,.,,., have you just seen him become the laziest human, holding a can of beer in one hand and is just like “you should do what you like on days off” yamato i approve

and yamato doesn’t even want to clean his room, have you seen his pet robot cleaner (roomba) musashi? he treats it like his actual pet though! he even wipes it clean and takes care of it,,, like yamato is so wholesome in everything he does?? and plus, don’t forget that his ideal date is a ‘stay-at-home date’ because he’d prefer being with them in general, rather than going out to places

four, he is incredibly skilled! he learns choreography faster than everyone else and his expressiveness is better than anyone else and he’s extremely observant as well! remember when mitsuki was just like “well crap, idk why i can’t dance as well as the others?? i’m doing everything that the others are doing but i can’t???” and then yamato jumps in. he’s just like “you’re shorter than everyone else (savage yamato strikes again) so your strides will be smaller, that’s why you’ve got to make longer strides to compensate (for your short height mitsu)” and then mitsuki’s just so happy that yamato was able to pinpoint the problem!!

also let’s not forget the music fest incident! when everyone else was lagging behind, super confused and everything, yamato (and nagi) was still smiling and able to dance properly!

plus, his expressiveness! that is one of his best qualities as an actor and an idol! he can actually act really well, even emitting certain auras like bloodlust. like he’s nailed everything about acting, he is practically a god at it! (idk what else to say here so i’m moving onto the next point,,, best face ever though)

five! let’s not forget how much of a secret worrywart yamato is!! during a rabbit chat (i believe it was the goodnight awesome ones but please don’t trust my memory) he emitted a bloodlust aura to mitsuki when they had to act, and then mitsuki started avoiding him (because he lowkey got scared of yamato). because of that, yamato started getting upset and just says to tsumugi “mitsu’s avoiding me and idk why, this is making onii-san sad”! and then he just gets so happy and relieved when mitsuki starts talking to him again!

let’s not forget when tamaki got into a fight with gaku? yamato just started seeing red, and grabbed gaku and is just “what’re you doing to our tama?!” he’s the true overprotective dad

he’s literally takapapa #2 when it comes to yaotome gaku. he makes sure gaku can’t hit on tsumugi, he’s like “stay away from our manager”, he is so overprotective of everyone!! (omg please look at the rabbit and ribbon yamato has on him)

but he’s also like this,,, please make up your mind nikaidou yamato (although he knows his boundaries too because like, on his bday, he’s just like [to the manager] “want to go out in secret? jkjk tonight, onii-san’s lovers are the fans”)

six, anyone that wears glasses should be able to relate to this! yamato cannot see anything without his glasses which is why he noped outta there when nagi tried taking his glasses (”nagi, onii-san needs this to survive in life”). and yamato has canonically confirmed that glasses are,,, his identity lmao!! when someone told him to take off his glasses during sougo’s rabbit parka chat i think, he was literally “are you trying to negate my identity?” it’s hilarious

i found that so funny omg can we not forget the fact that his king pudding chibi literally has glasses like him.,.,.,.,.,.,.,

seven, speaking of yamato’s identity/ image, it’s so important for him to remain inconspicuous (which i guess is also one of the reasons why he doesn’t want to do acting [the main reason is very spoilery so i’m keeping that out of here for now])!! like mitsuki asked yamato to see his family and yamato just instantly went sour and made a bitter laugh THEN there was also the one time he yelled at nagi for asking him about who this acquaintance he met up with was (and then he felt bad right after)

truly yamato, you are more than just a ‘little mysterious’, you are hella shady

eight, he is part of the wholesome pythagoras trio. let me, once again, elaborate to you how much yamato cares that he’ll go to hell and back for everyone in i7! if you’ve seen yamato’s unit rabbit chats, you’ll know what i mean,,, he was literally like “uwaaaa here they come, here they come” each time nagi or mitsuki was coming at him, because they basically,,, destroyed him! nagi was hugging him so much he thought he couldn’t breathe while mitsuki is destroying each and every one of his bones #ripyamato

nine! i don’t really ship anyone together in i7, but apparently, he’s shipped with almost everyone so +1 for nikaidou yamato for compatibility!!

IT’S ALL SPOILERS HERE SO BEWARE!!

i headcanon that he learns choreography faster than anyone else since he used to have to remember drama scripts and stage directions to be a part of movies and stuff,,, i guess he would be dragged into that considering his father is a pretty big and famous actor; chiba shizuo

anyways!! yamato literally became an idol just for revenge,,, like he is HELLBENT on getting revenge on his father,,, like i dont remember why he hates his father (i think it was because yamato was a secret love child?? and he was mad about that when he found out) but you know what stops him from exacting his revenge?? he’s worried about ruining idolish7!! literally i7 stops him. he is truly a supporter of i7,,, so good

he ends up getting these nightmares about basically everyone looking at him, and they’re just like “are you satisfied now yamato?? you screwed us over for your revenge, i hope you’re happy”

not exactly a good thing, but yamato is NOT afraid to screw things up,,, he literally strangled yuki at one point when he (yuki) was pushing on all of yamato’s buttons #ripyuki

also to expand on yamato being weak to mitsuki, he’s in this for revenge so i believe his original intention was once they get famous, he’s gonna screw crap up for chiba shizuo on the news or something, which also means he’s going to turn everyone’s idol career into complete dust and ashes - which also means killing mitsuki’s childhood dream which has finally come true (which is also why he gets this super sad expression i’d think)

BUT OK i need to end this because i am once again, getting laggy from how much content is on this one post -wheezes- but yes, i hope you appreciate nikaidou yamato a little more than you already did, have a yamato to conclude

[sharknadoslutt]

Longing - Darth Maul Fic

Prompt: Female reader is Darth Maul’s servant on Dathomir. No longer able to enjoy the pleasures of the flesh he asks his servant to remind him of what he’s missing.

Warning: Inappropriate power dynamics and explicit sexual content

In your short time as a servant for Crimson Dawn you’d come to learn two things abut the mysterious horned man you called Lord Maul. 

Firstly, is that he’d most certainly experienced a tragic past. Of course he’d never been particularly personable with you directly but he had mentioned something in passing about the murder of his brother. The way he spoke of it, with such rage in his voice, always stuck with you. The fact that he even had a brother to begin with humanized the notorious crime lord. It showed that he too had a family at one point or another. It was somehow a comforting fact.

The other thing you’d noticed was that Lord Maul was missing the lower half of his body. This actually only helped fuel your theory that he’d experienced a less than ideal past. How the injury happened exactly? Well, he’d never said. He’d never actually outwardly voiced his disability before, not to you anyways. 

In the presence of others Maul was very careful to hide his missing limbs. You imagined he preferred to keep it a secret, that he was hiding his weakness from others. He only sported long dark robes that covered his whole body and also made sure to keep his metal appendages well oiled and clean at all times. This was to avoid any incidents of them squeaking in public. 

It was your job to assist him with this task, as well as other things. You were probably one of the only individuals allowed within such close proximity of the dangerous man. Day after day you were at his side and saw to his every wish. 

Though he was more or less a man of solitude Lord Maul had seemed to have a soft spot for you, that is he never yelled at you. Perhaps he had even grown a form of affection for you, his sweet simple servant. It wasn’t the worst thing, after all. Better to be in the service of somehow who liked you rather than one who didn't.

“Y/N.”

This caught you off guard. Lord Maul didn't normally address you in such a familiar way. Your name out of his lips had a nice ring to it, he had such a smooth way of speaking.

“Y/N..” He repeated himself, his tone soft.

“Yes, Lord Maul?” You questioned. You sat before him, on your knees, with his metal legs in your grasp. You held the polish in hand as you earned your keep.

There was a long silence that followed when you looked up into his deep florescent eyes. You had never seen anyone with eyes like Maul’s before, not in any species. They were beautiful, so intense that they managed to pierce your very soul each time.

“How long have you been in my service now?”

“The better part of two months, sir.”

He seemed to consider this for a moment, placing his hands comfortably on the arms of his stone thrown, his stoic expression never faltering.

“And you enjoy it here on Dathomir?”

“It’s a good job, Lord Maul.” You nodded, smiling gently at him. Though his facial expression did not change his eyes seemed to swirl around in thought. “I enjoy being at your side. You’re very good to me.”

And he was. Though you’d seen him many a time loose his temper at others he’d always been kind to you, albeit distant. You’d heard stories of other servants, who also doubled as body guards, not getting along so well with him. So when he needed a new servant they close someone who wasn't a fighter, someone that Maul wouldn't think of as a threat. Someone with a gentle appearance that could simply blend in to the background of a room.

“Yes.” He trailed off and looked at the ground, deep in thought.

You simply nodded and continued with your job, polishing the metal and lubing the gears appropriately. Once you finished up, you pulled his pant leg back down and put his boot back on. He watched you with great intensity, as he always did. In the beginning it was a little scary but overtime you’d grown used to his stares. Looked forward too them even. What went on in that head of his?

“Finished, Lord Maul.” You sighed contently, avoiding eye contact as you made your way to your feet. “Shall you be needing anything el-” You had managed to misstep and loose your balance. A whimper of surprise escaped your lips as you fell backwards. 

What happened next was so fast it must have been Force at work. Lord Maul jumped out of his seat with cat-like reflexes. Before you even touched the floor the man with the golden eyes caught you mid-fall, his arms wrapped around you in a very protective fashion. Your own hands naturally fell to his chest, small and fragile compared to his large strong torso. 

He held you. Maul quite literally swept you off of your feet.

Your heartbeat was going faster than any hyperdrive as you stared up into your masters eyes. You were frozen, stuck in place. The weirdest part about all of this was how right it felt. Being there in his arms was mesmerizing, comfortable... So new, but somehow so familiar. And if you hadn’t known better you would have said he may have felt the same way.

“T... Thank you.” You muttered, suddenly coming down from the wave of shock.

He studied you for another moment before putting you down, allowing you to stand on your own.

“I’d expect anyone in my employment to be more careful.” 

“Thank you.. I’ll try to be more careful. Do you need anything else, Lord Maul?”

“No.” His voice was soft, considerate even, but his eyes avoided your own. You weren't sure if he was coincidentally being distant or if he was legitimately embarrassed.

“You may return to your quarters. I will see you tomorrow.”

~

The next few hours composed of you sorting through a whole mess of feelings. Though you’d noticed the beauty in Maul before, never had you considered him in such a personal light. However after that accidental embrace it seemed there was no going back to the naive darkness.

“I will see you tomorrow.” 

You replayed the words over and over again in your head throughout the evening, playing it as if it were a mesmerizing song. You remembered his calm calculated voice, spoken through his decorated red and black lips. Even while you were in the shower you did this. Especially while you were in the shower... Naked and wet.. alone.

“I will see you tomorrow.”

Despite his words, the next time you encountered Maul was that very same night. After you had changed into your night gown and were preparing for bed. That’s when you heard him enter the room. He was surprisingly soft on his feet, considering his metal legs and all.

Maul had entered your private chamber without so much as a knock, which struck you as odd. But you didn't feel the need the question it. You always felt safe by his side.

“I came to make sure you were alright from earlier. You almost, erm..” He grumbled in annoyance, but it seemed to be more about what was going through his head than anything that you had done. “You almost injured yourself.”

“I’m doing just fine, Lord Maul. It’s very kind of you to check up on me.”  

“Kind.” He repeated. “That’s a word no one’s ever described me as. Not ever...”

Was that a smile? The faintest of smiles but still a smile nonetheless.

There was a long silence to follow but it was nice. There was always silence between the two of your during the day. While he did work on his data-pad or conducted business for Crimson Dawn.  

“It’s been so very long for me..” He looked at you with longing in his eyes. “I dont even remember what it feels like too...”

“Too what?” You asked softly, knowing quite well what he had meant but decided to play innocent. He choose not to answer this.

“Remove your gown.” He commanded with the calmest of tones. Despite his perverse demands you found his voice soothing.  

Maul’s eyes glowed like a roaring fire, burning with something you couldn't quite identify. They enveloped you in their beautiful golden flame as you obeyed his orders. By the time you had removed your dress and threw it to the floor every bit of your body felt red hot. 

You stared at Maul with big doe eyes as he scanned over your bare skin. He was standing tall and broad with his black cape covering his frame.. This was his kingdom, his planet, and you were his servant.

You shivered from what you at first thought to be the cold air but quickly came to realize it was Maul. The way he looked at you, with something more than desire, something more than lust. Something entirely different.

“Tell me..” His lips trembled. “Do you indulge in pleasures of the flesh?”

“Wha-” 

“No questions.” He interrupted before stepping forward, putting a gloved finger against your lips to silence you. “Yes or no, do you understand?”  He pulled his hand away from your face and gestured for you to sit down on the bed. You did so.

“Yes.”

Maul smirked. 

“Good. Now tell me... do you indulge in pleasures of the flesh?”

“Yes.”

You took in a shaky breath as he sat down beside you. The outside of your thigh could feel the part of his torso that connected to the metal contraption he called a body.

“How often?”

Your immediate reaction was to gawk at the question and demand the purpose of all of this, but there was a part of you that wanted to tell him. So you answered honestly and he seemed pleased with the answer, the faintest of chuckles rumbled through his throat.

“What about you?” You asked in a moment of courage. “Do you have a...” You eyed what would have been his crotch.

He narrowed his eyes at you before placing a gloved hand on your knee.

“No.” His answer surprised you. Not the answer itself, you knew that. But the very fact that he answered you at all was honestly surprising. 

“I’m.. sorry.” You mumbled, not really sure of what else to say.

“We’ll speak of it no more.” He looked at your legs and took in a breath before speaking again. “I want you touch yourself.” 

You turned to give him a questing look at were met with knitted brows, you knew better than to oppose your masters will. But just because you didn't quite understand why didn't mean you weren't completely willing.

“Yes, Lord Maul.”

Without wasting anytime you brought your dominant hand to your stomach, letting it slowly slide down your skin until it reached the warmth between your legs. Your face felt hot but not out of embarrassment, but for another reason.

“Lay back... Enjoy yourself.” His voice was soft and almost sweet. He placed a hand on your shoulder and pushed you down so you laid on your back. “Dont hold back on my account.” 

So, you didn’t. Your fingers knew exactly what to do, wiggling through the warm folds your your flesh and rubbed your swollen nub in a familiar pattern. Your body relaxed slightly as the warm buzzing sensation started to bubble up in a pre-orgasmic bliss. 

You inhaled sharply, preparing for the wave that was sure to hit, and he took note of this. A deep growl erupted from his lips.

“Look at me.” Maul commanded, rising from the bed to stand before you. You opened your eyes to stare at his dark looming figure positioned just centimeters away from your slightly spread legs. “Look upon me while you experience this pleasure.” 

His crisp voice lifted you up during your sensational rush. You gasped out, locking eyes with his, reeling from an addictive high. Your back arched in pleasure as you moaned out desperately.

You watched as the man licked his lips, obviously satisfied with the view. As you came down from the orgasm you panted heavily, falling from the highest bliss you’d felt in a while. Never once did your gaze fall from Maul’s.  

“Tell me..” Maul removed his right glove, revealing his bare tattooed hand. “.. Do you prefer to take care of yourself, or do prefer to be taken care of by another?” He threw the glove down on the bed before removing his left one. 

“They’re... They are both good.” 

He sneered slightly, not pleased with your answer, but that wicked smirk remained unphased. 

“I suppose.” He dropped his remaining glove on the floor. You gasped in surprise when he placed his hands on either of your knees.  They were big and warm, rough and calloused from the years of fighting. “But the feeling of having another touch you..-”

“-It’s nice sometimes...” You whimpered, biting your lip in anticipation. 

“It’s much more than nice, my dear.” His hands rolled up your bare skin, coming closer and closer to your reeling cunt.  Maul leaned in closer, looming over you with a sinister greed in his eyes. Your breathing hitched as his hands reached the tender skin near your inner thighs. “It’s addictive.”

Keeping one hand possessively warped to your thigh Maul chuckled darkly while he brought the other to roam your bare stomach. 

“There’s truly nothing better than skin to skin contact..” He groaned, inhaling as his fingers wandered your exposed torso. You felt lightheaded, overcome with anticipation as he explored every curve. “Wouldn't you agree?” He inquired as his hand discovered your perky breast. 

“Y-Yes!” You gasped as he groped you, massaging your breast in his greedy hand. 

“I thought you might.” 

Maul switched his hands, now massaging your other breast while he returned the other to your intimate region. Instead of returning to caress your thigh you found yourself moaning out as his fingers brushed against your soaked sex.

“You’re sopping wet, my dear...” With his index and pointer finger Maul delved around your folds, spreading your juices around generously. “Absolutely drenched.”

A moan escaped your lips as Maul began to circle your clit. He did so in a skilled rythm similar to the one you had earlier. It seemed he was paying closer attention than you’d thought. 

“Tell me how it feels.”

“G-Good!” You moaned softly, easing into the new sensation. 

Each brush of his finger made your entire body shake with impatience, feeling the faint hue of the orgasm to come but it wasn't quite there yet. 

“Do you like to be filled up?”

“W-What?” You whispered between moans, looking up at his determined golden orbs. 

“Like this.” Without another word Maul removed his other hand from your breast, and brought it down to join the other. He stuffed two fingers into your soaked opening, all the while continuing to rub your sensitive clit with the other hand. 

You cried out this time, not expecting such harsh friction. But it was so good and Maul knew it too. He leered over you smugly and began to pump his thick fingers in and out of your pussy, knowing all too well the pleasure he was bringing you. 

“Answer me, girl.” He barked, growing impatient. “Do you enjoy being filled like this?”

“Y-Yes!”

“Yes, who?!” He snapped, demanding you say his name. He bared his teeth and stared down at you like a predatory animal ready for the kill.

“Yes, L-Lord Maul!”

In that instant it hit you like a ton of bricks. From the top of your head to the tip of your toes a pleasure you’d never imagined possible roared over your body. It was intense, causing you to twitch and cry out in ecstasy. Maul’s hands never faltered once, continuing his work inside you, wiggling his thick fingers around your throbbing cunt with due diligence. 

When your body started to relax you were literally gasping for air, trying to calm yourself from the unfamiliar euphoric sensation. Not able to get enough air you reached up and place a hand on Maul’s cheek, maintaining a small smile to let him know you meant well. He froze, shocked by your actions. 

“I-I cant...” You panted, licking your lips as you wiggled beneath him. “Maul, I cant breath!” You told him, letting him know that you’d had enough for one day.

With a hand on his cheek you stared up at the panting Zabrak. After the initial surprise, he closed his eyes and for a moment leaned into the palm of your hand, enjoying the affectionate gesture for what it was. 

“Skin to skin...” He whispered, his eyes still closed. “There’s nothing better than skin to skin contact..” 

“It’s important.” You agreed quietly, still dazed form the encounter. “We need physical interactions with others.”

Maul’s eyes fluttered open and for a long moment he remained silent. 

“Indeed.”

Without wasting another moment the horned man stood up and picked up his gloves, putting them on each hand slowly. 

“I will see you tomorrow.”

“Yes, Lord Maul.”

Taglist (I tagged some of yall because I know yall like Maul so, um.. Hope that’s okay): @syndulla @rowansparrow @letitrainathousandflames @dark-whimsy @ilovemaul @deepseacritter @phoenixsolo @floral-and-fine @13skullyhorror13 @lothwolf-run @rabid-wizard