#anyways i’ve sure had a good day even tho ive been asleep most of it lol...

[penguin--person]

hey. hey you. I’m way too nervous to leave an actual comment on it but the rain world fic you posted recently. Fucking slaps. It’s so good. Idk how to put it into words but it’s like you make the characters so clear and and…idk but I think your fic is so cool and good. AND I DONT EVEN RAIN WORLD IS SUPPOSED TO BE. I came in through PAFL but I’ve been curious about rw for a while now, and this has made me want to check it out even more. Also, take your time on the swap au!! Stay healthy(physically AND mentally. They both matter) and don’t burn yourself out! Always remember that you are priority #1, and that your needs should always come first. Alright that’s it bye :D

AWAWA!!!! wawawwaaa!!!! explodes and diessssss ..n"!!! thanke you!!! thank you:3!!!!! your kind words are always so!!! nice and cool!!! and a pleasure to receive!!! <3333 rain world my good friend rain world... its a game for sure!!! ive been engaging less w the fandom lately, but, i still rlly like the game:3 ive been into it for. checks steam achivements. like two years now (i got into pafl not long after i think) !! rain world has these thangs tho - slugcats! :) the link leads to my rw pafl au... i have. SO Many pafl aus. you dont even Know. i havent even posted half of them. you dont know about my wandersong pafl au. you dont know about my buddy sim pafl crossover. you dont know about my pathologic pafl au (yet) (>:3). and thats because i never draw anything for them ❤️might write smth tho... ..

mm . youre rlly cool. thank you again!!! for your support!!! as a thank you, heres what ive got so far for the next chapter of swap! its not much, and mostly just first draft, but! just for you ❤️the '*' signal words/sentences im gonna italise

It’s another day. Just like always.

Half-asleep, Yura glances at the door, halfway through his breakfast. His mother’s standing there. She’s already fully dressed, while her son is still in last night’s clothes. He hasn’t had much energy as of late. It’s not like he ever has any energy, even more as of late, with the trip to the zone coming up... Not to mention everything that’s happened with Dmitry.

Yura grunts at the thought of that… *monster. 

Why didn’t he stick around? Maybe he’d have been able to convince Sergei to let him stay, or at the very least, not report him. Maybe he could have helped Dima escape. Maybe he could have seen the police coming and warned him. Maybe if he had used his brain, he’d have told Sanya to let Dima stay at his place and avoided all of this. But, no amount of *maybes is going to change the fact that he’s gone. Dead, maybe, for all they know.

The door clicks shut. He’s alone now. Anya is either at school (Is there school today? What day is it?) or, more likely, at Olya’s right now. She probably won’t be back for some time. Yura will be all by himself until then, getting swallowed up by unnecessary feelings.

… Whatever. He only knew him for a week. He shouldn’t care. His eyes shouldn’t sting at the memory of the guy. It doesn’t matter that Yura wasted so much time and money helping him out. Feeding him, giving him a place to stay, hanging out with him even though he was *such a pain in the ass.. But none of that matters now. Never will matter, because he’s gone.  The only thing that matters is that he- *it, Yura corrects himself - killed a few people in Sergei’s flat.

… Well, not really people. Not ones that matter, anyway. Three or so cops. Blew up their heads, Sanya said, that it looked like that’s what happened. Yura got the feeling she didn’t tell him more than she had to during their phone call. It was clear that she wasn’t pleased with how things turned out. Maybe she was hoping Sergei could help Dima. Let him live with them.  Find some place for him to stay, at least.

Yura can’t find the strength to not blame her for this. The rational side of him argued that she was the *least to blame, actually, she didn’t know this would happen. Most likely, she didn’t even know that Dima’s a mutant. Still. Though the final nail in his (hopefully only metaphorical) coffin was decided by Sergei, *she took Dima to him. She should have known.. but, how could she have? There was no way for her to know.

A frustrated groan escapes the teen. There’s really no need to be thinking that much about him. About *it.

He groans again, frustrated by his inability to call Dmitry what he is. It’s not like he didn’t know the truth all along, either. Again, he internally reprimands himself for getting attached. Sanya isn’t to blame here- no, she’s not the one responsible for all of this. Maybe for getting him reported so quickly, but that was always going to happen, one way or another. Better soon than later, the teen thinks. Before he let that not entirely uncomfortable feeling grow more than it already has.

Before he can ponder this any further, his phone buzzes. With one hand, he rubs his eyes, with the other he picks up his phone.

*We need to talk, a message from none other than Mr Kazarin himself. The tone of the message makes him sound like he wants to break up, Yura thinks to himself. Funny. Maybe it is one. Yura runs a hand through his hair, staring at the message. His stalker times are over before they even started, his only hope at making it in this godforsaken world, all because of that.. *thing. Nothing he can say could fix this.  

Luckily, before he can ruin Sergei’s view of him any further, another message. An invitation, if one can call it that, to meet up at an unimportant location. It’s not like he has much choice in this - so, he sends back an *ok, gets dressed in his unitidy clothes and heads out.

—

something something sergei angst

“You know what this is about.” Sergei proclaims. Yura doesn’t need to reply for him to know he’s right, but he still does, accompanied by a dry chuckle. “‘Course I do. It’s about Dimochka.”

“*Don’t call it that.”

The air is thick with tension. Despite this, Yura nonchalantly holds a cigarette out to him. Like nothing’s happened- like this is just a regular training session. With a sigh, he takes the cigarette, and with one quick motion, he takes out his lighter. Yura is fiddling with his own. 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

natch for the record these + a lot of kind Likes and replies = my victory

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

athenas or the new ign videos... hmmm

im gonna go for the ign videos (moze gameplay and sanctuary-iii, no guns yet, i have a reason for that) because athenas hasn’t gotten its sweet instagram video yet. once that’s released i’ll do a full post on it. by the time i got around to finishing this post, they had released the video. oh boy... gonna do the gun post then the athenas post, i think. alright, off we go.

tl;dr: we read the entire end user agreement DAHL thrusts upon us for using the ECHO device, talk about some stuff like how (spoilers) it seems like Lilith will be getting her powers back at the end of the game, and a voice line Lily says that sounds like “Tyreen took my powers. it’s like Tannis said: [inaudible] Siren” (altho im not 100% sure on the [inaudible] part because 1) it sounds weird and 2) there’s a drum beat and also the devs are talking over her, the Siren part seems fairly accurate because of the way her mouth moves). so you know. im gonna be agonizing over that until i can hear what she says. ive already spent an hour just repeating it over and over. i nearly fell asleep lol

we’re gonna start with the moze gameplay (the first 14 minutes of bl3) because chronologically it’s first in both timeline and release date

i love the license plates on the right there

also it looks like they added in claptrap’s old welcome sign from windshear waste! time to stand in front of it for 30 minutes to see if any messages pop up like bl2

fast travel station as well, definitely going to see if/where i can teleport and going there immediately. i imagine this is more for DLC stuff and grinding tho.

also! i do believe we saw Covenant Pass previously. good to know this is actually where it is!

Marcus saying “And Welcome to Pandora!” in the beginning confirms that, yes, they’re going to be on a bus!! i wonder if there will be a fight scene before that though. it’s interesting Clappy mentions that “those jerks who tried to murder you are the children of the vault!” so i mean... there’s gotta be... right?

im also convinced this intro is going to be a mirror of Borderlands 1. i stg if it starts out with the first few notes of Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked and then swaps songs I’m going to lose my mind

also also, the order is totally going to mimic the bl1 one. Fl4k = Mordecai, Amara = Lilith, Moze = Roland, Zane = Brick. We even have Lilith taking Angel’s spot as the mysterious voice in our heads, and probably Marcus driving, AND being dropped off at a bus stop.

bet the reason they changed it from ‘Moze as the Bot Jock’ to ‘Moze as the Gunner’ is because it fits under ‘Roland as the Soldier’ better. Also, ‘Zane Flynt as Himselfs’ would be a play off ‘Brick as Himself’. Amara as the Siren is obvious, and ‘Mordecai as the Hunter’ vs ‘Fl4k as the Beastmaster’ is pretty similar as well, given Fl4k has all those Hunter skills.

the 4 basic emotes im guessing. im so glad we have the option to boop our friends in the face with emotes.

also moze’s little bunny skin is adorable

the ECHOnet used to be called “Riftspace”, “the Spline”, and... “MercTel: A Cyber-Dahl Joint” lmfao

specifically calls out Pandora. also, “artificial megastructures”??? THAT’S SO COOL

AND FUCKING

SENTIENT MEGASTRUCTURES???? 

gearbox. please. i have never ever wanted anything more in my life. please. it’s probably my birthday. PLEASE GEARBOX

also interesting that the user agreement specifically notes ‘Respawns’. I assume this is a joke because New-U stations have been confirmed not canon

“Core law”. Core law? Core... daddy? ... ????

core as in like a core government somewhere that’s not the border worlds? that’s interesting...

“The Legion”, okay, acknowledging TPS, that’s dope

“Project Blackrakk” ... im interested

“Thresher Company” lmao

im curious if Axton was apart of any of the mentioned ones. i don’t think it’s been stated, but i could be wrong

“Chieftain Oort”. also ‘Recently Legless Gary’, lmfao poor dude.

oh yeah im sure this is fine. also holy shit did they google the synonyms for ‘change’ and just start listing them? lmfao

“implicit subscription to the Digby Vermouth ‘Dig’s Gigs’ secret concert subscription service” 

sorry, what?

if this doesn’t come up again in the future- if we don’t get a spam letter or 3 in our mailbox about this concert subscription thing i'm gonna be so disappointed

Dahl hates you if you’re not a fan of hyper-jazz, “you snob” lmfao

my brain hurts, they’re good at writing these 

damn phones exist? i thought everything was ECHO. aight, that’s good to know. i guess there just aren’t any phone networks around the border worlds

also “shared dreamspaces” sound really cool

hm. that’s no good lmfao. also i love that the buttons are ‘Agree’ and ‘OK’. there is no escape, once you agree, you can’t even leave because you’re agreeing that you’re trapped with these rules even if you cancel.

that’s fucked up, DAHL. can’t believe you treat your user base the same way you treat your employees. i guess i shouldn’t be surprised.

anyway, shoutout to literally the only TOA I’ve ever fully read in my life.

also, clicking through this TOA too fast WILL end claptrap’s voice line early. so be careful if you want to hear what he has to say!!

oh shit lmao I gotta go edit that Fl4k post

ok im back ~time magic of being able to save things in drafts and post them at a later date~

sliding preserves momentum, so you can actually slide (nearly) the entire way down! i love this.

small, but claptrap bends his antennae when trying to be stealthy. i thought that was a pretty cool detail

“and some guns include an alternate shooting mode~! try it out!”

player: `immediately shoots claptrap in the face`

i died lol

a very nice look at this sign.

good to know that the twins really are tempting people to join with promises of food. i mean it makes sense, i imagine most of the cultists are desperate for stability and a reasonable life on pandora.

also, Shiv calls himself “holy influencer of the children of the vault” lol. i love that. gearbox really is going for the internet’s throat, isn’t it?

i do like that hovering over an NPC will give you their name only and not name/healthbar.

a better look at one of the signs referencing the Mother!!! i was waiting for this, the only real look we got at one was in that one scene with Moze and IB

“Behold the Mother strength surrender to the truth” 

yeah that’s not ominous...

i assume the mother and father are intended to be tyreen and troy? but idk how i feel about that implication...

i like the new little gear/spring effect for the magnet lol

new lilith! i know a lot of people don’t like it, but i do. she looks better than the bl2 vers. altho i think it’s weird they swapped both bl1 and bl2′s ‘AI’ effect to those dots and then didn’t bring it to BL3. the dots effect felt cleaner. curious why they’re not applying it to bl3 when they went thru all that effort in 1 and 2.

... back up please.

i like that there is a changing icon for long pressing now

“time to check out our slay of the day!” sounds like Tyreen but tbh i legit thought this was moze’s reaction to opening the chest at first lol 

you can hear someone start screaming in agony while she’s walking up the stairs, so i know it’s not moze, but im so used to the VHs talking when they see a new piece of loot my brain just assumed.

also THE MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND IS A REMIX OF BANDIT SLAUGHTER!!! IM SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS I WAS FREAKING OUT THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT

also, claptrap when dropping health yells “this could save your life! then, you’ll owe me a life debt!” bullshit im pretty sure you already decided we owed you a life debt the moment we stepped off that bus

“i see it... the great vault” - a line from a cultist you kill

i know i mentioned in this post that the Great Vault may be already opened, but it could also just be a Vault they’re planning on opening and using the propaganda to convince the cultists to help them find it. 

“if you help us get this vault open, you’ll be handsomely rewarded! you’ll get superpowers! you’ll get regular meals! you’ll get money and guns and dates!” you know, the usual stuff. 

either way, elevating the Vault to a higher state (god/heaven/whatever) makes sense if you’re running a cult.

btw there is a hidden chest in the scaffolding to the left of the door, if you’re interested in grabbing some better guns before shiv. personally, i’ll be using the toy guns.

also the TVs are actually playing propaganda now!!

this one is asking questions that i cant understand due to the sound effects of the chest and claptrap talking, but it says something about “... the dust? ... join the Children of the Vault!”

“hey shiiiiiv all your dumb friends are dead!!”

shiv be like

“all my friends are dead”

some cool level-up art! I notice these are the same pictures as used on the japanese site. i wonder if they change depending on which VH you’ve picked (If you’re playing Amara/Fl4k, do you get pics of Amara and Fl4k? the player is playing moze, afterall).

also also “it’s a KIA on the knife wielding maniac. suuuper dead.” 

it’s cool that the VHs have specific lines for the deaths of bosses. i hope that continues and it’s not just a ‘15 min of intro gameplay’ thing. you know, where everything is super detailed in the beginning and then slowly gets less and less as the game progresses? anyway, moze’s little chuckle is fuckin adorable lol

ah. the door closes now so you can’t even explore Shiv’s room before Lilith shows up. gearbox plS you know me too well, i was looking for a g l i m p s e

claptrap’s voice line for getting released is SUPER off time, he hits the ground before going “you did it! i’m sa-ahhhhhhhh!” it’s weird, wondering if that’s just a glitch.

also also we get a nice listen to the revive ally sound. i could’ve sworn it wasn’t in the first look at this mission we got, because i heard it for the first time during the coop Zane/Amara gameplay on Promethea. i might be wrong, tho.

im very curious what these symbols are claptrap is beaming up

i mean you know what im gonna say

they look eridian

and they do

so wtf clappy why u beaming up eridian letters to Lilith

i assume maybe Tannis gave clappy some weird upgrade or something so he could communicate with the crimson raiders without the CoV listening in? it could be that Tannis or someone is decoding this message since Tannis does know how to translate Eridian (as shown in her bl1 ECHOs)

... or at the very least she gave Lilith a translator

the darkening makes it so that you can see the crackening. also this COULD just be a beam that lilith can see from wherever she is, but i want to believe there’s more eridian stuff. bc eridian stuff is fun.

this is so fu cking crisp im dying i love it

lilith’s tattoos spreading down her fingers

same symbol as her chest tattoo. maybe the symbol denotes new powers? like how lily has one on her chest for phasewalking, and a new one on her hand for teleportation

i love how her wings look like actual fire. i fucking love this

lilith is looking so fucking good in the new engine

im glad they got rid of her super red eyes, tbh it looked a bit weird

i think they are really pushing her fire affinity, im sure we’ll see Maya has an elemental affinity as well (im calling corrosive) and im sure Tyreen will too (slag). Amara looks to be Shock because that’s her ‘default’, but who knows until (if) bl4 comes out. but corrosive wings on maya would look SOOO fucking cool. please. please please please.

god she looks so good compared to bl2. i love how the tattoos softly glow in the dark, too. i gotta play this mission late in the day...

“you’re... the voice in my head, right?” i love this so much, i really hope my shitpost comes true.

lilith gives you a grenade mod for completing her mission! im really glad they are PUSHING through the tutorial/intro so you can get right into the game. bl2′s ‘intro’ of all these tutorials was brutal. especially waiting to unlock your action skill.

in 3 you get your action skill automatically at level 2!!! which is insane, i love it! they’re jumping right into it, it’s great. and they seem to be pushing for you to get all the stuff you need right away. 

it’s curious to note that in bl3 we get our class mods at the end of the Promethea demo (after Gigamind), since in bl2 you get your first (usually?) after the hunting the firehawk mission and both seem to take place immediately after we get to the ‘base of operations’ of the game (Sanctuary vs Sanctuary-III).

yep that quest is 100% in line with the quest marker. 

i imagine From the Ground Up may be discovering where the Vault Map/Key actually is? maybe bringing people to the Recruitment Center (notably Tannis)

for this scene. i hope this takes place after the HBC, because i seriously... can’t imagine the twins showing up, taking the Vault Map, bringing it to the HBC, and then NOT taking Lilith’s powers/trying to kill Lily and accidentally taking her powers. it just doesn’t make sense, Vault Hunters be damned, we are level 2 they could melt us easy peasy. 

If anything, it feels like we COULD find the Vault Map in the Recruitment Center, Tannis tries to activate it/fix it, we find out it’s mega broke, and then the Sun Smashers show up and take it. but i seriously can’t imagine Lilith nor the new VHs allowing that to happen while they’re still there. maybe if Tannis sends us to do something while Lilith is gathering other CR members? then it could make sense if they attack while Tannis is alone with the Key...

OR

we end up finding something in Shiv’s room that shows/helps us realize the Sun Smashers bringing the Vault Map to the Calypsos. tho this would mean the quest From the Ground Up is SUPER short and I imagine it’s not. Maybe we raid a camp of theirs like the one in front of Sanc-III with the bridge/ramp? We need to be about level 6 before we go and we start From the Ground Up at 2 so there’s obviously something DEEP we’re missing here. maybe this is a mission where we go gather the other Crimson Raiders? HMMMMMMMM...

.... oh.

nevermind lmfao

she opens her ECHO immediately after this LOL i feel kinda dumb now

raiding their camp it is! the Droughts sounds like a fun location. Very much like the dust. you guys think there’s a Shade situation going on there? i’m excited to see it. Still think we’re going to use Shiv’s room to get that lead, though. i just really wanna watch tv lmfao. i hope this means the bandits run from the camp to the HBC, or we find info that the bandit warchief sent a party to the HBC with the Vault Map. either way, i just don’t want the twins showing up until after the HBC or i will have so many questions. “why didn’t you kill lilith?” being the first. “the god queen wants her head!” ur goddamn right she does, so why doesn’t she (try to) kill lilith???

85% already?! hot damn

also

that’s one badass description there, Moze

also also

while having gun slots locked is pretty normal, im surprised they’re locking class mods and relics, too! i wonder when we’ll be able to equip relics. maybe when we first go to eden-6 or smth. or maybe after we meet up with Rhys. shit maybe he’s just handing us an artifact (im gonna interchange these a lot, sorry!) in that Promethea video lmfao

“ready to chuck some boom and frag some maniacs” lol moze i love you

if you’re playing Zane... `equips grenade mod for checkmark` `immediately equips second action skill and never actually uses grenade mod`

“it’s the firehawk! the god queen wants her head!” 

like i alluded to before, i would not be surprised if Tyreen doesn’t know she can absorb Siren powers... when she goes to succ lilith in front of Sanctuary-III, it’s totally possible she actually was trying to kill her. That could explain why she looks so intrigued at her hand like “oh shit okay lets see what this can do”

might be why she was okay with sending her cultists after her instead of showing up herself.

“alright, we got a foothold. maybe things are turning our way. come on killer, you’re with me” we are going to explore the SHIT out of shiv’s room.

alright alright alright

let’s move on to the Sanctuary-III stuff

yessss

i love the quest objective thing, it looks like we will be able to swap through our quests with the push of a button! also im curious why exactly we’re going to promethea right away. i wonder if the twins say something about moving there after getting the vault map/lilith’s powers, or if we hear from rhys. im expecting something about the vault map, since our vh will admit they don’t know rhys at all when talking to lorelei. but for some reason we need to be within the city limits? since lily says ellie got us within the city limits. 

hmmmmmm. okay, okay, maybe the map was trying to lead us to promethea for vault reasons during that short amount of time that we had it and it was working. maybe promethea is what we see when tannis is activating the key during that one cutscene? ohhh shit how dope would it be if we got that fucking easter egg message? omg “Children of the Vault. Come to Promethea. We are not on Pandora anymore. Tannis is not what she seems. Do not open the Vaults.” and everyone is like ‘uh did that thing just mention Tannis by name??’ and now it’s REALLY important to get the map back just so we can figure out wtf it’s trying to tell us. 

i will question how ‘Tannis is not what she seems’ would affect character relationships, especially if it’s said so early in the game. so perhaps we only hear the first part of the message. maybe it’s corrupted because it was recently broken. iunno. just playing around with ideas. the canon of this game is like flarp putty until sept. 13th

anyway moving on because this is literally the first f r a m e of the video

i like that you can see pandora’s eridian scar. if the destroyer is speaking through eridium to people, it’s gonna bust outta the side of this planet like you wouldn’t fucking believe lmao. eridium is a window to the soul and if you stare long enough into its glossy, shining sides, the destroyer stares back

that or it’s just like a beacon, slowly spreading its influence across the universe. but i like the idea that the destroyer can waltz out of a big enough hunk of eridium. so it will bust out of pandora’s eridium scar. F in chat for pandora but also lmfao the amount of tentacles and rage would be unparalleled.

reality is that the twins are probably farming this scar for eridium to turn into slag for multiple purposes. like brainwashing their cultists, giving them powers, and ensuring their guns have their manufacturer’s quirk (im getting to this in my next post bc im just gonna compile all the ign gun videos into one big post)

the floor art is different from the actual sanc-iii demo. i mention this first in my behind closed doors panel analysis, but im gonna mention it again because this is ~official~. the floor list on the first walkthru of sanc-iii we got had the names of all the crimson raiders and lines leading to their shops. so we had the infirmary/tannis, marcus, moxxi, etc listed on the floor. i imagine this new sanc-iii will change as we get more people on board or if we do a sort of re-decoration of the ship.

also also, it’s cool to see that we have 4 rooms on the minimap, likely one for each of the VHs (and your coop buddies). ive seen speculation that the other, non-played VHs will hang out in their rooms when you’re not playing them, and tbh i really hope this is the case.

we also know this version of sanctuary-iii is after pandora, so there are no promethea citizens aboard yet. which makes me double certain the first sanc-iii video we got takes place either after endgame (explaining why Lily has her tattoos back) or right after Athenas (explaining why Maya is there). which... i mean... spoilers, guys. 

that’s one good lookin fast travel station, holy shit

im in tears over here because “Caution: no steppy”. this is so fucking funny to me

no steppy on me

okay moving on because i will cry laugh over this for forever im allowed

moze’s room is so much different than amara’s

also i notice she’s on the left of the two on the top, which makes me hope the other 4 are reserved for the other VHs (or your coop buddy).

compared to the official sanc-iii demo video

and amara’s room

moze’s is so barren oh my god

someone get this girl like... a colorful throw pillow or something

baaank. also doubles as the secret stash. kinda upsetting, because that is infinitely less loot i can store when i make a lot of characters. also if i upgrade the bank once, is it upgraded across all my other characters too? or are the guns i put in storage slot 11 locked up until i buy the upgrade?

either way, i am saddened because no more mule characters. and way less space the more characters you make and more gear you find, because all gear you put in here is there across all characters. i hope this means our backpacks will be a lot bigger this time around!

supamax mfg shows up again

ppm/04-02 matches up with the number behind the fast travel station. i wonder if this will come into play. if the number changes later in-game im going to freak the fuck out bc that means wherever we are isn’t actually sanctuary-iii

ppm/04-02. remember that 👀

also, the wall behind the golden chest changed from red to steel/greenish. can’t tell the actual color. same as the floor

you know. that color.

“golden keys are popular. you can get some in-game and also get them online”

in-game you say??? im interested! i wonder if there will be some sort of arena (like moxxi’s) where if you complete it you get a key as a reward. i saw people speculating about some sort of randomized boss rush, that could definitely be a way to get gold keys, as well.

oooo engine room! im excited to explore here.

original size is 16. so, we have 40 backpack slots! still... you know... only 1 above the max of bl2, but hey. at least that’s an upgrade. as small as it may be

on the bright side: bank upgrades increase capacity by 5. with a base of 10, and 8 upgrades, we have 50 slots to fill. which is a big leap from the original 24. it is still a shame we have to share these across characters, tho

offline cultist stream? makes me think the CoV really was trying to steal/take over sanc-iii from the crimson raiders and we went to go take it (back?) in Taking Flight. either the CoV found/ordered Sanc-III, or the crimson raiders were building it/fixing it up, their stronghold got taken over, and the CoV were prepping it for takeover.

the shooting range. and if you notice that little CoV symbol in the bottom left there? yeah pretty much backs up my previous theory

all those red bits are tied to ellie’s crew challenge. so we’ll be collecting things for her!

an altar for scooter 😢

“we’re gonna get those cultism sumbitches, believe you me”

where you get yeeted out of Sanc-III. im definitely going to try jumping in it to see if it kills me. doesn’t look like the drop pods are available yet

that’s not clappy, pretty sure he’s hanging out on the bridge right now

schematics for veronica

the thing i was most excited about in this video!

loooots of customizations! which excites me because i know eridium used to get useless late game when you’ve grinded all the raid bosses. it looks like eridum is going to be in ultra high demand. but u can bet ur ass im gonna be unlocking all those fucking customizations asap.

veteran rewards is also super super interesting

hgggggg i wanna know what the shields do!!! 

i like the vault symbol at the top of the item card as well, shows you its a special type of weapon/item. im honestly surprised we’re able to buy ‘veteran rewards’ so early in the game? i mean obvi we won’t have enough eridium (look at the costs!) but it’s wild it’s even accessible. im personally a fan of the first bonus ‘anointed: gain life steal on action skill end’

looks like these guns have been chosen

to give them those special bonuses

i do see that just anointed is not class specific, but the ones that say anointed gunner or maybe anointed siren will be (confirmed by the devs in video).

you pay with eridium, so maybe the vending machine has some way to confer the power of eridium to the guns. or some shit. iunno. it’s possible this won’t be available until the end of the game, hence veteran rewards, and is only being shown to us right now since this is a showcasing video.

pandoran civilian. no promethea civilians today folks! i am CONVINCED that the old sanc-iii demo takes place after the end of the game. at least after athenas.

it’s weird seeing moxxi hanging outside her bar.

is also cool to know that the 4 slot machines are actually available. seems like npcs can play them, but we can use all 4 if we want to. which is really nice

the one on the far left is called the ‘loot boxxer’ and it gives mostly guns lol. i see they are taking jabs. good for them

better pic of the leftmost machines

Zer0 seems to have a bounty board? not sure if this is like a physical bounty board or if they will contact you when they want something dead, but it is cool to note. this isn’t shown in video, just the devs speaking about it.

similarly hammerlock has ‘big game hunts’ where you find “rare, challenging creatures” and kill them for him

apparently we’ll be killing something known as a manvark

this book

i fucking recognize this book

HAMMERLOCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

in all seriousness tho

hammerlock probably isn’t in his room because we haven’t rescued him from eden-6 yet.

a cool thing about the crew challenges: as you progress through the game and do these challenges, sanc-iii will ‘grow and change to reflect the things you’ve accomplished’. altho another dev says “sometimes these are optional things, like challenges” 

so now im like oh shit we’re gonna change sanc-iii as we play the game. i wonder if that means we’ll be changing the hull, too. because you know. the blue paint job. we gotta go STEALTH. sneaky beaky into the calypsos fleety

tannis doesn’t have the saurian on her table. also, interesting note, she DOES have the eridian log in the corner. meaning she must have had that before eden-6. interesting... maybe we’ll find more on Pandora.

she is still covered in blood tho. idk i don’t have an explanation for that. don’t think i want to think of one, to be quite honest.

oh no. (those are skulls next to all the gurneys)

“tannis plays a much bigger role in bl3 than she has in past games”. bigger than borderlands 1? that is... impressive. she’ll be running the health vending machines (which is weird bc i could’ve sworn in the promethea demo, zed was still running them... hm.)

another angle of sanc-iii

clappy? you good there?

the devs said they’re using him to plug a hole. i assume the calypsos shot at the ship as we’re leaving or smth.

lily with no tattoos, who also looks significantly more pissed than her other sanc-iii demo counterpart

you know. because she got her tattoos.

also

fucking

lilith says something right here. all i can make out is “Tyreen took my powers. it’s like tannis said. ..... [inaudible] Siren.” maybe some weird word i haven’t heard before? i swear she’s saying ‘like tannis said: a ‘m...’ Siren” but i am not 100% sure. if someone could help me out, that’d be rad.

so its sounding like lilith rushed in with explicit warning from tannis about tyreen stealing her powers, and tannis knew tyreen was some sort of Siren and warned lily, but lily didn’t listen. it could also be that lily is saying something like “im not a siren” but i can’t really hear it if she is. it sounds like she saying a word that starts with m to me. if someone could help me with this i’d owe you my life

whew. i am. fucking TIRED.

im gonna sleep for like 3 hours and then wake up and make food before the fl4k streams start.

[angelixii]

1-140 (anything you haven't answered already) - Felix

Oh, hello! Thanks for the ask!! 💕

3 fears - Spiders (I get frightened when I think about them) heights (slightly) and the public (anything like murder, kidnapped, ya know stupid people)

 3 Things I love - Music, Idols, and animals

 2 Turns on - ig Hats (like snapbacks) and glasses

 2 Turns off - oof I don’t really know.. ig self absorbed or a fudge boy

 My best friend - C: @straykids-sk (wuv you)

 How tall am I - 5′2

 What do I miss right now - My cat that passed away :c (her name was P.J)

 Favourite color - Blue, red, and sometimes green

 Do I have a crush - no not really

 Favourite place - my home

 What am I listening to right now - theres a website called asoftmurmur.com and it has noises like rain or waves and stuff like that

 Shoe size - pretty sure 10 in US womens

 Eye color - brown

 Hair color - light-ish brown

 Meaning behind my URL - I chose Felix cause hes my bias wrecker and hes angelic C:

 Favourite song - Theres like a million but 5SOS’s She Looks So Perfect wil always be a favorite (idk why)

 Favourite band - Ill just chose Stray Kids cause I don’t wanna write them all out

 How I feel right now - kinda tired but ig ok

 Someone I love - Ill say my best fren Georgia (@straykids-sk) cause i wuv her

 My current relationship status - single and i kinda wanna stay that way for a while

  My relationship with my parents - We all live in the same house and its just us (I have one other sister but she moved out. But shes here a lot tho) and we all get along well

 Favorite season - probably Spring c:

 Tattoos and piercing I have - none and I don’t really want any

 Tattoos and piercing I want - ^^^

The reasons I joined Tumblr - Georgia wanted me to and I thought it would be fun (I was right c:)

 Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - no :/

 Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - oh heel no she my best fren I would never

 How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - when I have school like 20 minutes at max

 Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? - I did today

 Where am I right now? - at my house on my laptop c:

 Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - reasonable level cause I’ve always had ear problems and they are sensitive (even tho I always have my earbuds in)

 Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - yup

 Am I excited for anything? - not that I can think of no

 Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - nope :/

 How often do I wear a fake smile? - not THAT often

 If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - oooof I don’t think I could answer that question

 What do I think about most? - probably k-pop

 Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Definitely behind

 What was the last lie I told? - It was kinda a joke but “i’ll do it because im the good child”

 Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - Eh depends on who it is but facetiming/video chatting

 Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - ghosts kinda and aliens, I mean sure we’ve barely discovered space, who knows whats out there

 Do I believe in magic? - sometimes yeah

 Do I believe in luck? - I mean yeah

 What’s the weather like right now?- theres nothing really going on

 What was the last book I’ve read? - uhhhhhh fully on my own (not in class)? The Maze Runner Scorch Trials

 Do I have any nicknames? - Kassadoodle, Kassidilla, Kassy

 Do I spend money or save it? - I’m trying to save as much as I can rn in my little money jar c:

 Can I touch my nose with a tounge? - nah

 Favourite animal? - Lions and Fennec Foxes

 What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - uhhh im pretty sure saying goodbye to Georgia on video chat

 What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - oo um I cant really think of one rn :/

 What is my favorite word? - yeet

 My top 5 blogs on tumblr (not in any order)

@honeylixs

@zoxsu

@tinyfigureskater

@stray-kids-dork

@straykidsmate

 If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - I probably wouldn’t say anything cause im shy and afraid people would judge me on what I say c:

 Do I have any relatives in jail? -not that I know of

What is my current desktop picture? - a pic of Bts

Had sex? Bought condoms? Gotten pregnant? Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Had job? Smoked weed? Smoked cigarettes? Drank alcohol?

no to ALL those questions C:

Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - nope don’t think I could ever

Been overweight? - …

Been underweight? - no.

Gotten my heart broken? - nah

Been to prom? - nope

Been in airplane? - nope and I never want to really

Learned another language? - I take required (cause im one of the more intelligent kids in school. I know shocker right?) Spanish classes in school but im on summer break so I dont remember any c:

Wore make up?- nope

Dyed my hair? - nope

Had a surgery? - plenty of ear surgery and had my tonsils removed

Met someone famous? - nope

Stalked someone on a social network? - nope

Been fishing? - no but my dad has always wanted to take me and it sounds kinda fun

Been rejected by a crush? - nope never really had one and if I did I would never have the guts

What do I want for birthday? - ooo idk but i have to wait till next year anyway cause its already passed

Do I like my handwriting? - sometimes when my hand cooperates

Where do I want to live when older? - with my girl Georgia

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? - nope ima good child (yeah ok suuureee)

What I’m really bad at - running :/

What my greatest achievments are - managing to keep straight A’s and I dont even study cause im online so

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me - “u bird cage” - Georgia c;

What I’d do if I won in a lottery - ooooooooof idk

What do I like about myself - uhhhhh heh ig my hair or eyes/eyelashes

My closest Tumblr friend - Georgia (yes I do know her irl but shes honestly the closet tumblr friend I have so)

Any question you’d like? - hmm idk

Are you outgoing or shy? - definitely shy, unless with people im close to then quite crazy

What kind of people are you attracted to? - funny, cute and nice people

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - hA no

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - kinda

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - oof idk

What does the most recent text that you sent say? “ohhhh no XDD” (sent to Georgia)

What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - (I already answered this question and don’t wanna answer again)

Do you like it when people play with your hair? - yes I love when freinds at school did (once we were watching a movie in Spanish and my friend next to me was playing with my hair and I almost fell asleep heh)

Do you think there is life on other planets? - totally

Do you like bubble baths? - I haven’t had one in forever

Do you like your neighbors? - only one cause I think im related to them somehow or they are to like my uncle

Where would you like to travel? - out of this hell hole country c:

Favorite part of your daily routine? - checking my tumblr and stanning talent

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - stomach

What do you do when you wake up? - check my notifications on my phone

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - I wish it was more tan than it is (im quite pale)

Do you ever want to get married? - yeah

If your hair long enough for a pony tail? - yes but I hate pony tails so I never do it (I used to all the time as a kid)

Would you rather live without TV or music? - I rarely watch t.v anymore and listen to music almost all day so

Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - I mean yeah

What are your favorite stores to shop in? - I dont really have one for clothes but I do like Walmart

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - I mean sometimes

Do you smile at strangers? - If the smile at me first yeah

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - not that I can remember no

Ever wished you were someone else? - no (as much as I hate myself no)

Favorite makeup brand? - son;t wear any so I dont got one

Last thing you ate? - a Reese cup

Ever won a competition? For what? - not a big one I can remeber no

Ever been in love? - c:

Facebook or Twitter? - dont have a fb and i barely use twitter anymore but twitter

Twitter or Tumblr? - DEFINITELy tumblr

Are you watching tv right now? - i mean its always on for bg noise and light so ig so

What color are your towels? - all kinds of colors

Favorite ice cream flavor? - either Strawberry with out the strawberries or cookie dough

First person you talked to today? - my mom

Last person you talked to today? - Georgia

Name a person you hate? - C: theres too many

Name a person you love? - once again, theres too many

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - C: theres too many

Do you tan a lot? - I barely go outside so thats a no

Have any pets? - too many

Do you type fast? - I mean kinda yeah

Do you regret anything from your past? - everything XD

Ever broken someone’s heart? - I highly doubt it

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - C:

Is cheating ever okay? - hell no

Do you believe in true love? - I mean sure

What your zodiac sign? - Pisces

Do you believe in ghosts? - why is this question on here twice?

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? (via catscuddlingandyou) - “…but not at all overwhelming, the balance of the different fragrances was subtle and flawless.” Twilight - Breaking Dawn (Do NOt ask me why thats the closest book its not mine and ive never read it and i NEVER plan on it)

oof that took like two hours heh.. its now currently 2:18am. and im very tired

but thanks for the ask anyway love! Im sorry for the wait! I was busy today. But im probably going to go to bed now

[jaeminlore]

Library Assistant!Wonwoo

i'm back with one of the most precious boys in t world, jeon wonwoo <3

• anon wanted a troublemaker reader so here we gooo • you and mingyu are best friends and since you’re kind of outgoing and daring you tend to drag him everywhere • to the library for instance

• and even though you’re supposed to be studying what you’re really doing is drawing pictures in one of the library’s resource books

• stick figures of you and mingyu • the caption is probably something like • “skool sucks lolololol” • “kim mingyu smells” • “if ur reading this u r a loser” • you’re just a harmless troll really • bUT • this particular day when you two are hanging out in the library, mingyu suddenly slams your book closed • and you turn around to give him a piece of your mind bc what the heck mingyu who does that • until you see jeon wonwoo • aka the librarians assistant • aka the silent brooding type • aka one of the most handsome people on campus • with his oversized sweater and his large glasses that always slip off of his nose • he is really is handsome • too bad he’s so boring !!!! • ur convinced he went to some special librarian school where they sucked the fun out of him and made him into this super quiet boy who only makes an appearance when a book is being abused • you’re not here for it tbh • uNfOrtUnateLY wonwoo is mingyu’s other best friend so you two sorta kind of know each other • and he hates you so much lol • he KNOWS you are the one writing in his precious books but unless he catches you in the act he can’t technically prove it • BACK TO THE STORY • so wonwoo comes over and he’s shooting daggers at u like • “u just wrote in that book” • bc u were never one to back down from a fight you’re like • “maybe i did. maybe i didn’t. what you gonna do abt it????” • he does this semi cute huff and just frowns as he takes the book out of ur hands • “you wrote mingyu smells i know it’s you.” • cue mingyu: “i don’t smell!” • you try to tug the book back bc he can’t prove anything without it • “give me back the encyclopedia!!!!” • “lolololololololol no” • “wow i hate you” • “h8 u 2 m8” • this is basically how you two react on a daily basis • UNTIL ONE NIGHT • so mingyu had been cramming for exams and when he does this he kinda goes into Hibernating Bear Mode™ except instead of sleeping he does nothing but study • and the two of you had planned to watch neflix this particular night just to kind of distract yourselves from exams and whatever • but mingyu is nowhere to be found • and you check EVERYWHERE • you check his favorite coffee shop, the park he studies at, the gym he goes to when he’s stressed, the canteen, his dorm… you even called the 97 liners like “where tf is mingyu we have a marathon of bob’s burgers to watch” • and no one knows • but minghao gives you the best hint you can use at the moment “did you ask wonwoo?” • no way,,, there is no way u r gonna swallow ur pride and ask that … bookworm … to help u find mingyu • but thinking of wonwoo makes you think of the library, so you head on over hoping he had just fallen asleep and the security guard missed him • because at this point it’s reaching midnight and u aren’t even supposed to be out of bed,, let alone the campus library like come on • anyway the library isn’t open but you find a cracked window in the back to slide through • “mingyu!” you start whispering for your friend, hoping the security guard isn’t roaming the halls • you head over to the study second w all the tables and stuff • and lo and behold,,, mingyu isn’t there but instead it’s wonwoo • nd he’s just lazily walking thru the library w a squeaky cart, placing books back in their proper places • he’s tired, and in the dark you can see him cover his yawn with a sweater paw • ur heart does a lil somersault but like,,, u would never admit that bc you can’t find a dork attractive • esp not wonwoo, who is rumored to date books • you started that rumor but tbh you don’t doubt it • wonwoo finally catches you peaking around the corner and lets out a scream of terror bc he thought you were some kind of ancient book demon or smth • “wHaT tHe heCK!!!!!!” • you fall on the floor dYing bc his reaction was so funny • he looked like a startled deer tbh • “that was hilarious” you’re still giggling • and despite his absolute Hatred™ for you,, wonwoo finds himself blushing bc of how carefree you are in the moment • so … he gets kinda quiet and tries to become brooding again because that’s his Brand around here and there’s no way you’re going to break it with a simple giggle • at least… you aren’t going to know you did • “what do u want?” • after u sober up it gets kinda serious bc you’re still rlly worried for mingyu “is mingyu here? i can’t find him?” • “mingyu? i haven’t seen him.” • you let out a distressed sigh bc mingyu is a scatterbrain and he genuinely could’ve gotten lost around campus or smth •you sigh in distress: “he was supposed to come to my dorm a few hours ago and i can’t find him. ive looked everywhere.” • and as you speak wonwoo is suddenly,,, really disappointed,,, but he doesn’t know why,,, • “oh really? i didn’t know you two were dating…” nd he just kind of kicks himself mentally bc why wouldn’t you date mingyu honestly? • he’s handsome, he’s buff, he’s a great cook… wonwoo should’ve seen it coming tbh • but then you crinkle your nose like “dating? ew! i’d rather date you than mingyu and that’s saying something.” • even tho it was an insult and he’s slightly offended, wonwoo still felt a bit of hope blooming in his chest that for some reason just got bigger whenever you smiled at him • he also was blushing pretty dang hard but we aren’t going to talk abt that • anyway back to the topic at hand • wonwoo scratches the back of his neck and nervously suggests looking together. “we can try the kitchen if you haven’t looked there.” • “the what?” • “the kitchen. yknow, mingyu goes there every once and awhile to make food and wind down. he’s got a key and stuff so i don’t think the cooks mind him doing it.” • this is all very new information to you • but it’s the best bet so you agree. • you let wonwoo come with you because you don’t know the way • and also he’s rlly cute and kinda nice when he’s not yelling at you for an overdue book • but you would never tell him that ofc • as you both walk over there • nd it’s sort of awkward so you try to start a conversation • “isn’t the library closed? why were you stocking books?” • wonwoo smiled embarrassingly, “well i was actually just pretending to stock books. you see, there was a new shipment of books coming in and i wanted first pick of all the good ones before anyone else got to them.” • you giggle. bc,,, of course he would • “so you don’t mind breaking the rules, as long as it’s for books.” • “yeah and you always go against books which is why i can’t be associated with you.” • “well it gets boring in the library,” you whined. “can’t there be legos or coloring books to play with when students want to wind down but don’t want to read?” • “what are you, five? and why go to a library if you aren’t going to read?” • “mingyu needs someone to keep him company,” you said. “and i don’t like reading or studying so i would appreciate you taking note of that in the future.” • “right okay let me go buy a bunch of coloring books just so you can stay busy when you can literally bring one yourself.” • “that’s all i’m asking” • during your banter, you arrive at the kitchen • lo and behold mingyu is just chilling at the stove, eating some seasoned chicken • “hey guys grab a fork! i made extra!” • after you and wonwoo chide him for worrying you so much, you all sit down and eat • and • you don’t want to admit it • but it was rlly nice being able to get along with wonwoo • and he’s even cuter when he’s eating • his nose scrunches up and like you can’t help but stare at him a few times bc he’s a cutie • but he’s staring at you too so it’s all good • when the foods all eaten mingyu tells you guys to go ahead; that he’d stay behind and clean • he just ships y'all and wants one of you to make a move if we’re being honest • so wonwoo walks you back to your dorm and • you just stare at each other bc what do you do? do you ask for his number? kiss his cheek? • wonwoo answers your question by holding out his hand • fOr a haNdSHakE • but it isn’t that awkward because his hands are soft and warm • “i’ve got to go take care of some things,” he says, letting go of your hand and backing up. “i’ll see you tomorrow.” • “okay. thanks for helping me!” • “anytime.” • and that’s … that • and you’re pretty sure your crush was just fleeting and one-sided like there’s no way he’d ever like you • but • the next morning you walk into the library and on one of the tables • is a coloring book and some colored pencils • you pick it up and look around hoping to see wonwoo • you do, and he’s stocking shelves again, unable to come and talk • instead he just gives you and soft smile and mimes for you to open it you do, and his number is scribbled in • “maybe we could do something together? xxx-xxxx, let me know. wonwoo” • yep. your crush definitely isn’t one-sided.

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 11: “Recalibrate How I’m Playing This Game” - Caeleb

okay I'm writing a long confessional then going to bed.

Jules was robbed. I was really gonna idol them when Jones/Caeleb told me Jules was getting votes, but Jules was only getting 5, and I naively thought both that Jason wasn't going to flip and Tom wouldn't self vote AGAIN ASKDLJFAF.

I'm frustrated because I love Jules. Jules was robbed and deserved better than having to deal with Alex who like will tell Jules they made a mistake and ugh. I'm frustrated that I didn't idol Jules, even though it wouldn't have been smart and would've put me in a tough game spot, its just all super tricky sigh.

in other news, Jones/Mo/Mitch need to go. I'm super proud of Mo for doing something (like genuinely) and not playing passively, I defo underestimated him, but him and Jones have way too much sway on this tribe, tied to Mitch who is clearly able to work people.

I think a good end-group for me would be Me/Benj/Tom/Julia. I really really like Caeleb but he actually is playing super smart, so I really don't think I can have him sticking around much longer.

I think a good new bootlist is: Jones > Mitch > Mo > Jason > Caeleb

I'm just frustrated because Jules was robbed and really did not deserve that, Mo/Jones are too powerful, and now so is Mitch. I'm gonna idol one of them out, and I'm going to love doing it.

Holy fuck what the fuck that worked. Ok so here’s what just went down, Jules said to Jason that she’d be fine voting out either me or Mitch. People were leaning towards Mitch. We had like 20 minutes left and we started discussing and I threw out to Jones, what if we get Jules out, but she kinda ignored it and carried on with the Mitch plan. Because Jules has a lot of connections I can understand why Jones would be hesitant. So then I throw the pitch rob Caeleb and Mitch throws the pitch to Jason and they’re both on board. But that would of only been five people. Meaning it most likely would of tied so we were like ok I guess we’ll just vote Mitch. BUT THEN BENJ GETS ONLINE and he’s like “Yeah I’ll vote Jules.” SO I SCRAMBLE BACK TO CAELEB LIKE WAIT VOTE JULES WE HAVE THE NUMBERS. SAME WITH JONES AND JASON. WE GET JULES OUT. Which of course is sad because she’s literally a sweetheart and she’s super funny, but she had so many people in her corner and her and Ali combined was a scary combo. BUT I MEAN I HAVE A COOL GAME MOVE IN MY POCKET NOW THAT I DID (with Mitch) BUT WOW ME.

Whew chile!!! I must admit that vote was VERY scary and VERY hectic. I thought for a moment my game was ending. Thankfully my social relationships with people allowed me to stay and send the person who was targeting me home (Jules). Now this is GREAT for me because i trusted Jules the least on the merge tribe. The communication thing never worked out between the two of us but i still find her to be a very nice person :). In regards to the vote, Mo/Caeleb, Benj, Jason, and Jones all voted to save me. To me, I feel like this means im in a really good position because everyone likes me enough to SAVE me. Up until 5 minutes before the deadline, I thought i was done for. I gotta be careful with who I work with in the future because my threat level is rising. People in touchy subjects saw me as the one who thinks they are running the game but are not, but man is this far from the truth. I'd like to say that although I didn't know what was going on COMPLETELY, I still pretty much helped/forced the target onto the person who went home. Ian- Told Alex about how I suspected Jason and Ian of being a duo (correct assumption according to ali) and everyone ended up splitting between the two (I did not care who went). Alex- I pushed very hard for alex to go because he was so dang controlling and i found that very threatening. Jules- targeted me first but I never trusted her because of how little we spoke. When she decided to target me it was the icing on the cake. Hopefully these next few rounds are smooth sailing because we NEED easy votes for at least a little bit.

okay so i am trying SO hard for immunity, like its not even funny. i think i have 100+ points right now, with more videos uploading and with more planned photos tomorrow. immunity would be SO sweet, because that'd guarantee me a spot in the F8, and with my idol F7.

in other news. if i haven't said it enough, it must be said again. BENJ IS SUCH A KING. like today he told me he wants to go to F4 with Julia and Tom. I truly, truly could have shed and wept real tears. That is exactly the F4 I want, like EXACTLY ,and Benj agrees, and we are going to make it HAPPEN.

He also wants to separate Mo/Jones this round... and like honestly, I'm so down. Like I think he wants to vote off Mo versus Jones which I think is a bad idea, since Jones is a better talker and more of a threat, but his argument about Jones being a shield makes some sense.

my ideal bootlist moving forwards for the season, although it requires like julia/tom to stick with me and benj pretty tightly, is:

Mo/Jones > Mitch > Jason > Mo/Jones > Caeleb > F4: Me/Tom/Benj/Julia

and also since i love doing this for no reason, this would be my ranking of those left if i was to go to jury this round:

Mitch > Jason > Jones > Benj > Caeleb > Julia > Mo > Tom

Mitch is SO savvy, and so likable, and I could see as a definite winner, having survived so much. I can't decide if Jones is a threat because she is just so likable, or if she is actually palying super well, but I have both her and Jason very high in my opinion. Benj is so smart, I feel like he probably isn't considered as such by the other threats, but I hear him talk game - he is super woke. Caeleb is actually playing a very smart game too, flipping back and forth. I definitely underestimated him in early merge, his MIND. Julia I think is super game-savvy, just her style gets in her own way sometimes. Mo I feel like definitely did stuff last vote, but I see him as Jones' shadow/goat right now so would need to see much more. Tom I'm stuck because him self-voting twice I think almost definitely excludes him from winning so its hard to tell how I'd feel about him in an FTC. the main thing is that... we shall see.

BUT I AM WINNING IMMUNITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Sending this now bc I forgot. Jason beat me in reward OOPS but I can still possibly win immunity,,,,,? Maybe?

Eek me at jules being voted out, honestly i didnt really know what was going to happen at that tribal for the sole fact that everything started moving whilst i was asleep but im kinda shocked that it ended up being jules.... Like i personally wouldnt have made that move right now maybe in like 2 more rounds. Its quite scary the fact that mitch got so many people to turn on jules when i thought she was quite the loved player. So I've gotta keep an eye out for him he's probably playing the best game atm but i think ill try to take him out sooner rather than later

I think I might have to recalibrate how I’m playing this game. I honestly didn't think I was all that close to Jules so her cursing me kinda surprised me. SO, that means I think a lot of people are gonna be cursing me in the upcoming rounds. Not that I am planning a lot of blindsides, I just feel a lot closer to the people actually left. Julia might be the only one that wouldn't curse me at this point, but also she might because she doesn't like me all that much. And being cursed a bunch might put a really large target on my back too.

y'all i just found another idol im SCREECHING. and its a boujee one too, a sapphire idol. I'm so AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, i know where 2/3 idols are for sure, I'm truly screaming.

This was me an Mitch on call when we realized we had the numbers to vote out Jules

heres the thing, i prefer the selfie scavenger hunt when im on a team because that way im motivated to get stuff done out of fear of letting everyone down. where as by myself, i let myself down all the time. ali is scary good at comps and im lazy.

ALI FOUND THE MERGE IDOL AND ITS A SAPPHIRE IDOL AHHH!!!

IM SO HAPPY FOR HIM/US BUT ALSO LOWKEY PISSED BECAUSE I GET ALL THE BRIDGE STEPS AND THEN HE GETS LUCKY AT THE VERY END LMAO. AGAIN.

BUT OH WELL ATLEAST ITS NOT SOMEONE ELSE!!

And if I had any doubts (I never had) about him betraying me before I have 0 now.. u like have to really trust someone to tell them u have 2 idols LOL I could literally expose so much right now

BUT IM NOT GONNA WOO!!! BEST DUO IVE EVER HAD! Like I know it will be hard to beat him at the end but idc I want that duo story for us

Literally an idol magnet king I knew I chose the best ally on day 1

sapphire idols sound kinda annoying tho cuz u cant choose who its played on . like what if ur plan actually works and u idol the person u wanted gone LOL

lowkey would rather a normal idol ?? anyways ali went off in immunity and its final 9 idk who will go but I kinda want like mo gone (king) but we have no strategic bond so.. plus he will slip by to the end otherwise

I doubt that plan is gonna work tho cuz idk how to lead votes!! im flop sheep!

Update on idol hunt - I'm killing johnny

Update apparently I’m running a vote KSKSKKFMFMFFK take back EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT NOT NEEDING POWER LMAOOOO

ok so Storytime

I’m talking to Tom at like 5:00-6:00 ish, and he says he hasn’t heard anything but he’d be down to vote Julia if other people were voting Julia (at this point this is the only name and it was said by Tom and that’s it)

At this point I tell Mo what Tom said (Bc tom and I were talking about Mo) and he said he wasn’t surprised Julia’s name was brought up

Talk to Mitch at like 7:00 ish and he’s apparenrly being targeted by Ali and for whatever reason I have this hero complex and I wanna save him all of a sudden?? I also feel like he’ll be a big shield down the road that everyone else would want out over me so it makes much more sense to keep him? SO I tell him about Julia.

I Run to Mo, tell him about Julia plan he’s on board. MOs talking to Caeleb, and Jason wouldn’t go behind Mitch’s back. So that’s already 5 people I think voting Julia, 6 if we include Tom and 7 if Benj also knows. Which I’ll probs tell him.

So ya??? Turned an idea into a plan!! I’m doing that y’all. Idk?? I’m proud. I don’t need need this much power after this round or else my ego will be the size of my dick but!!! Idk guys I’m proud of myself.

(Literally only 35 minutes later)

Literally having a stroke tonight laid ease

Uhm apparently Tom/Jason/Ali had an alliance and were trying to get me out and tried throwing me under the bus to Julia and tried saying shit I didn’t say,, so ya,,, :)

Tom tried twisting it like I was the one who threw Julia’s name out bc apparently she’s inactive? Which is cute,, I said jack shit about that. So ya.

Um I’m voting Tom tonight now. I’m an indecisive bitch tho so it might change but. Fuck Tom. We gotta break up this alliance apparently. Julia’s the only person that’s said shit to me this whole day about what’s happening so I’m more likely to believe her than anyone else sooo ya. Fuck Tom. Fuck these men.

[betta-resplendent]

Warning; Needles, blood. No pics it’s k

i have a super tender bruise on my hand :C

TL;DR: Had MRI. Needed contrast. Was stuck 4 times. Once in the hand. Vein blew. Needed a goddamn ultrasound to the arm to even find a good vein.

Super long post but I tried to make it at least a little humorous for anybody who actually wanted to read it. I kept blood to a minimum. :c

I had to have my MRI rescheduled from Tuesday; I ended up having it on FRIDAY of this week (yesterday), and because I’d already had spine surgery in 2012 they wanted to do contrast. Which means IV.

Now, I don’t know if it’s because of my weight, or I have naturally deep veins, or a combo of both but I have ALWAYS been a hard stick. I usually don’t leave hospitals without at least two bandages where they tried to poke me and failed to get anything. It once took two nurses at a MedPoint to stick me because they can only have 3 attempts before they have to find somebody else to do it. I have scarring on the inside of my left elbow from the amount of times I’ve been poked and prodded. You’d think, after all of this AND two steroid injections in my back (THAT SUCKED OH MY GOD I NEVER WANT TO DO THAT AGAIN), I’d be used to this. However I still have a horrid fear of needles, to the point where usually I have to look away and squeeze something, whether it’s somebody’s hand or the damn chair I’m in (or in this case, the blanket they wrapped around me)

But yesterday was the absolute worst it’s been since the steroid injections. Now, to give the nurses credit they were super nice and clearly felt bad for all the prodding. They kept me calm, even got me multiple warm blankets because between the anxiety and the room being cold AF, I was shaking so bad I could barely speak. I hadn’t slept at all that day, and the appointment was at 8:30. I was exhausted, so I think that amplified the pain by quite a bit. I laid down, the nurse explained what they needed (again), and they started. I gave them a warning that my veins were hard to pin down even with tons of water. I’d even been rubbing the insides of my arm to try and get one to work. The nurse said “Oh that’s alright, we’ll get it.”

Oh boy.

So she wraps the tourniquet on my arm, I pump my fist for a moment and then hold. I’ve done this shit before man. I got dis on lock. She feels around, pressing and rubbing at the skin. Already, she’s getting perplexed. A few soft ‘hrm’s’ here and there as she searched all up and down my arm. I tried to make small talk but I was already trembling like a goddamn baby in a snowstorm, so that wasn’t working out too well. Not to mention I already had the earplugs in so it was hard to hear anything.

She asked about hobbies. I mentioned gardening. She says she has a flowerbed overtaken by weeds. I laughed and said ‘Same.’ We mentioned creeping charlie. I told her about my mint plants. I told her about the dogs. Shit, I even mentioned using fish water for the herbs and talked about Bailey.

Through all of that, she’d gotten increasingly concerned. I think the moment she started smacking at the veins to find something was when she realized ‘this is going to suck’.

She thinks she found one. “Do you want me to warn you?”

“I don’t like surprises when it comes to needles. Yes, please.”

She cleans off the area. She presses again to make absolutely sure she has it. She preps the needle. “Okay, you’ll feel a pinch.”

In it goes. Fucking ow. Anybody who’s had their blood drawn, or gotten an IV, or...dealt with needles at all really (no judgement <3) knows that when you or somebody else misses the fucking vein and start to dig for it, it is the weirdest feeling in the fucking world and it hurts. It starts small, sort of uncomfortable, after the initial stick. The longer it goes, the more it grows. It radiates almost like an itch through the arm. I felt it down in my goddamn fingers at one point because I’m too much of a coward to say ‘enough, try somewhere else’. This goes on for what seems like five minutes (tho i’m sure it was only like, one or two at MOST, probably not even that), before she sighs, “Well, I can’t seem to find it.”

“That’s okay.” She pulls out the needle, wipes away any blood, keeps searching. Keep in mind, I refuse to move my head to look at anything she’s doing. By now another nurse came out and brought a heated blanket to me to help stop the shaking. It helps a little, enough to let them work.

Nurse count: two.

She searches around my elbow. I visibly tense up when she starts searching my hand. I’ve gotten my blood drawn from the hand before and lemme tell you that shit hurts. A friend of mine claims that hurts less than the elbow and man do I envy that because that is not the case for me at all.

I think she noticed it, because she didn’t dwell long on the hand before moving on to my left arm.

Tally: Right arm, 1 attempt.

She starts the process again on my left arm. Prodding at the skin, rubbing, turns into slapping at different points hoping for something to come up. I’m now looking to my right, staring at my glasses and the locker key containing my bag and my cane. I counted the damn cabinets, tried to guess what was inside. Anything to keep my mind off of it.

She’s reaching back onto the little caddy she’s got with all the supplies. I prepare myself for another stick. She cleans, she pokes some more, slaps again, cleans one more time.

“Okay. A pinch.”

Here we go again. She misses. More digging. I’m staring up at the ceiling at a dim, horizontal (vertical, from my position, perpendicular to me) image of a sky. I’m assuming that if I’d been put into the machine feet first, perhaps the image would have been turned on to give me something to look at. Maybe it would have moved? I’ll never know. I don’t even know if my head would stick out of the machine. I didn’t even know you could go feet-first. That was news to me. 

She digs for another minute. My fingers start to hurt. That weird radiating numb-pain is going to my shoulder and fingers from the crook of my elbow and god damn I wish it would stop. She lets out another sigh, shakes her head. “Okay. Well. We’re just gonna go ahead and do the first set of images, and we’ll pull you out, try again, and do the last 3 with contrast.”

“okiedokie”

In I went. They were nice enough to provide a cloth to cover my eyes, the ‘emergency escape ball’, as I call it, and put me in. I stayed as still as possible. I shit you not, I was more relaxed in that loud ass machine than I was outside of it. It was also so warm in there omg. I fell asleep in the damn thing. Granted it was more of a cat-nap that I woke myself up from by grunting (whoops), but it’s still astounding I managed to sleep while the machine was screaming at me and taking pictures. 

After the last picture of the first round was done they pulled me out. The two nurses and another nurse was there to prep me for another run to poke at me. I felt like a science experiment. 

Nurse count: Three.

They spoke pretty quietly. I don’t know what they said really. Their tone was more confused or concerned than anything. With the ear plugs I couldn’t really hear them and you can bet your ass I wasn’t gonna look at ‘em either. They tried my right arm again, poking at it. They could find nothing. The first nurse asked, “Has anybody gotten you here before?” while running her fingers over my elbow. I told her no, not to my knowledge, as a bit of a joke. I don’t think it was appreciated but she gave me a polite chuckle anyway. The heat from the blanket was gone so I was back to trembling  again. The third nurse left, came back with a second blanket, and layered it underneath the first to keep in heat. Thank the Gods for nurses.

The first nurse moved to my left arm again, poked some more. She pressed against the spot she’d gotten previously and sighed, “You’ve definitely got some scarring there.”

“Yeah? I’m not surprised.” Only I was shaking so it was more like ‘Y-yeah? m’n-not s-s-surprised’. Fuck, I felt dumb.

She keeps looking. Eventually she focuses on the hand. Ah, shit. I tensed up again and she says, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Do what you gotta do.” Because who am I to argue with a nurse? At this point I just wanna fuckin go home and sleep. And eat because man I hadn’t eaten for ~24 hours and i was hungry af. 

She pokes at the hand, finds one. Slaps at it a little, pokes it again, nods. All three nurses are around me, one next to the nurse poking at me, and the other watching from the far end by the window in case assistance was needed. The humming from the machine was getting obnoxious, the lights were too bright, I was too tired and I just wanted to go. 

“Warning?”

“Yes please.”

She preps the needle. I try to relax, stare back up at the ceiling again. The cloud looks like a bunny. 

“Okay. Pinch.” 

Oh. My. God.

I could have started crying. Well, I did, but not much. The pain was immediate and instead of dulling for a few before radiating it started at 10 and just went from there. She dug for a few minutes, inhaled sharply. Exhaled just as sharply. 

“Well,” and I looked at her, focused on her face instead of her hands. “I found one.”

“Yeah?”

“It blew.”

Fuck me running. All I could manage was “well that’s unfortunate” because oh my god what the fuck am I supposed to say to that? Tbh it didn’t really hurt, though now I’m wondering if the pain was that bad because it blew or if the vein deciding ‘fuck it’ and going out like an abandoned mine shaft was really painless. It was at this point that the third nurse left the room. 

Nurse count: Two. The second nurse left. 

Nurse count: one.

She stepped back from me and apologized. I, of course, said it wasn’t a big deal. I mean jesus, I did warn you, I kind of expect some difficulty but jesus christ not this much. A few more minutes pass. The two nurses that left return, followed by another nurse, somebody that puts IV’s in frequently. 

Nurse count: Four.

So, now it’s his turn. He starts poking, prodding, rubbing, tapping. His hands are far rougher but he’s nice enough, I figure he’s gotta be kinda rough with it if he has any hope of fuckin’ finding anything in the Girl Who Had No Veins. 

He lets out a sigh and another ‘hrm’. I smile a bit weakly, “how long do i got” which earns a couple wry laughs. That’s all I got at this point, don’t judge me. 

They step away to talk for a few minutes. I’m back staring up at the ceiling. The other cloud looks like a fucked up potato with a stick attached to it. 

The first nurse comes back. “He’s going to prep an ultrasound to see if we can’t find something.”

Oh my god. This is new. A goddamn ultrasound. Tf. Again, I can’t argue I’m in a damn flat ‘bed’ attached to a giant machine and walk with a cane. I have no leverage and no escape.

They detach me from the machine and roll me into the room on the other side of the machine. It’s dark as hell, but that’s okay. Several people are in the room and start standing around me to watch and/or assist.

Nurse count: Fucking six. Why are there so many people back there is that normal or did I become a sideshow somehow?

He gets the machine prepped, uses that nasty gel stuff, and starts pushing against my arm. It takes maybe two minutes to finally find one he’s satisfied with. He presses his goddamn nail against the area for a solid 30 seconds while the other nurses get the saline and contrast fluid. I looked up at him like ‘tf?’ and he just gave a weak smile, “Marking it so we don’t lose it again.”

Fffffair enough. Mark away.

The nurses get back, he does the injection, they push through the saline, then the contrast. “You’ll taste or smell something funky.”

Gross. They were right and I hate it. I don’t even know how to describe it. 

The contrast was put in, she told me it would feel ‘cool in temperature’ which...it really didn’t. I didn’t feel a damn thing. They finished that up, I was wheeled back into the room with the machine, realigned, and we finished the last 3 pictures. They removed the IV when I got out, and I swear I could not have hobbled out of there fast enough. I bought a sandwich at the hospital cafe and ate it the moment we got home, chatted with my girlfriend a bit, and went tf to sleep.

I dislike hospitals. Greatly. I don’t blame anybody really, it was all one big clusterfuck and they were nice, but damn.

/story.

[totamilnadu]

Hmm hey, so ive been thinking about it today and I really don't want to tell you…..but that's not because i don't want to tell you, its because im scared to tell you....I dont want to lose you or put a burden on you... I want you to believe me and to take what happened seriously and as something that was bad….but i don't know if it was.... and i don't want to place those kind of hopes on you. So im not really sure what i should do. I really...want to tell you....when I remembered everything...I was like “I want to hug him and tell him what happened and be accepted” but......again I dont want to place that on you.... Cause if i don't tell you you will think its cause you can't help me and that's the opposite of the truth….and if i do tell you you’ll think its cause you forced me into it and that's not true either….anyway….im gonna post this and leave it under the cut….you can decide if you want to read it or not and that way...you did not force me into it, cause i didn't actually show it to you okay? I want you to know I gave this a lot of thought and im at peace with this. I feel good about it. Also….just in case you don't read it I want you to hear this part, so u know something u have been helping me with okay?

“the only people who have showed me what sex  are my mom and them….and….both were horrible experiences….i hated it...i feel disgusting….honestly….I want to just, sell myself cause thats all im good for at this point….atl that's what I thought…..but….you started to show me what its like to….feel….nice….I didn't want to ruin that…its really comfortable with you and....I forget about the bad things sometimes....thank you...I dont think u understand how grateful I am for that....”

so anyway.....read under the cut if you want to know what happened and.....I hope I can still be around you...if you do...I love you alot.....im sorry..

Anyway what happened…..so when I was born Davida fell in love with me, or so they say. But I didn't really know who they were till I was about 9, still they romanticized me for those nine years. By the time we did met and get to know each other I was well, 9. Anyway, they were my tutor and we grew close, they were safe and kind and selfless and I liked being around them. But but a little later they ended up saying to me “you know I don't think we are cousins (we are actually cousins) we are more like siblings.” and I didn't really know what to say. I liked just being cousins, especially cause that was what we actually were….but the way they said it sounded so hopeful and almost pleading I agreed and yeah started calling them my sibling. I think that was the first thing i did with them that I didn't want to do. 

Later they started having a lot of nightmares and Id come in and try and comfort them and ended up sleeping in the bed with them. And then the next night they asked me to do so again and….yeah, then after a bit when I asked to stop sleeping in the same bed as them and they cried a lot so….i said “nm” and kept sleeping in the same bed as them….another thing I didnt want to do.....

 a lot of “fights” happened and looking back, I realize its because they had made up a story about us being in a relationship even tho they had never had that conversation with me and, I was 9 and they were 18 (19?)....Anyway if I ever expressed not wanting to be physically close to them, they would cry and ask me what was wrong with them and tell me how much they loved me. I even remember once telling them that if they stopped touching me so much, id touch them more. By this just like you know hugs or resting a hand o them or a head or stuff like that.

 Anyway…..things kept getting worse and worse and i was so confused what was happening….they started telling me that they could see the future and that in the future we are married and have children and that we are a family. And that they had dreams and in the dreams i was there and that we fucked and stuff. They told me on dream were i fucked them with a dildo (btw i had no clue what a dildo was cause i was like NINE)  but when i didn't express happiness about this they cried and questioned me…

most nights we’d stay up till like 3am talking….(tho they were the only one talking), and crying. They spent hours upon hours crying about it. I remember once I fell asleep, like sitting up cause i was so exhausted and they woke me up and were really angry that I had fallen asleep. 

This was all…..really scary...I was reminded of my mom...and how we would fight for hours and she’d be screaming and crying and it was all my fault....it was like that.....I ended up just dissociating. I remember this on time they were crying and talking about how they had a dream, where I told them I didn't love them “that way” and after they told me, I didn't reassure them         ( cause i didn't love them that way and had never said I did) and they cried more and more and ended up telling me how “cold and Heartless” I was.

 Anyway….this sort of thing continued for a while and I ended up trying to combat it by telling them “I just want to be your sibling” but that only made things worse, cause then they would cry and say “but then everyone will think im fucking my sibling” to which….I was confused cause IM NINE and we didn't have any kind of sexual relationship….I think they had convinced them self that we were fucking and in a sexual relationship but….it was only in their head….anyway….it really got bad later I think I was 10 by this point? Which makes them like 19 or 20? And…..yeah I was lying on the bed and they climbed on me like...straddled me…..but leaned down so their lips were by my ear…..and like….told me how “sensitive” I was when being tickled, so I must be really sensitive turning sex. And that they would be really good at fucking me, and that they could force me to cum and make it feel really good, but that im so sensitive they would have to drug me first to keep me still enough. But that wasn't a problem cause if look good like that….or something like that and haha I was so scared I just laid there all still….

anyway…..later we went on a trip so it was just me and them and….I don't remember exactly what happened but….we were lying down next to each other and once again we (they) had been talking for so long and they had been crying and talking about me being their spouse and all and how we would get married and they love me so much and that I love them too (but i didn't not like that) and...anyway….I finally asked what they “wanted of me” and they told me to get on top of them….which like….i didn't know what was gonna happen….we like had tickle fights a lot so….I kind of assumed it was gonna be that, to lighten to mood and all and….anyway they grabbed me by the top of my pants and moved me up and down against them, without saying anything, it all happened so fast….I didn't know what was happening…..I was so scared madhu…..i couldnt speak….I couldn't do anything….I just was frozen, being pulled and pushed against them…..I felt like screaming but….my throat was so tight...I could even blink….I was terrified…..lol….it….felt….you know….it started to feel…..something and that managed to snap me out of being so scared and like a fucking loser I stuttered out “s-s-s-s-s-s-ssts-st-sto,-stop” and they did….and i don't remember how I moved but somehow I ended up by the river and...everything felt...numb...like I was dead….like the world hated me and cut me free of it….they were there too….they had followed me….and they asked if I cum…(I hadn't)....but I just started crying….anyway….

later I was hallucinating (daydreaming?) alot...there was this man in a tree, he was so beautiful, but he just looked at me and shook his head and walked away….I remember asking them later “did I kill her?” (i was still using she / her) and then breaking into tears again lmao. Anyway…..they kept wanting to talk to me and all but I really didn't feel safe around them anymore, like more so. And so I tried sitting in public to talk but they said they weren't comfortable doing so, cause someone might hear, and so I agreed to go back in private. And whatever I played it off as if nothing had happened….but really i was just trying to manipulate the situation so that id be safe, I knew it was pedophilia and that they could go to jail if I talked so I was scared they would do something to keep me quiet (they didn't) but the whole drive home I was just playing music and singing so that their mind would be occupied with that….

anyway we never talked about that and….their obsession with us dating continued till like….last year…. Just last year they said we should go one a double date and I had to remind them we aren't dating and they started to cry again….still to this day they talk about how good I look….and how sexy or hot I am….and...idk we have at this point had a conversation about how that kind of thing really scares me and really isn't good for me…..but they keep doing it…I know they regret what happened all of it, but they keep doing things….they keep touching me and saying stuff about me and….I just….feel disgusting….I don't want to be near them. 

Even in that video call with you, they were laying their head one me and all….I hate that…. I don't want them to do that….im so confused and so grossed out by myself and….i've told them not to touch me….but they still touch me….I mean...they are a pedo…..but they are also such a good person...and I do care about them….just….im so scared madhu….im so scared of them…

I don't know when they are going to cry and accuse me or touch me….I feel like its all my fault...that if only i could love them and fuck them their life would be better….but i can't do that...i can't be that person….I don't want to have sex with them..

and they cry about that….im so scared….sometimes when I talk to you about,,,that kind of thing….I hear them in my head...I feel like im becoming them….The only people who have showed me what sex is are my mom and them….and….both were horrible experiences….i hated it...i feel disgusting….honestly….I want to just, wanted to sell myself. its all im good for at this point….atl that's what I thought…..but….you started to show me what it's like to….feel….nice….I didn't want to ruin that….but I doubt you'll want to fuck me, let alone be around me….im so scared madu…..i feel so tiny and weak and pathetic….please...im sorry...i don't want to lose you...and...yeah....thats kind of it.....I love you regardless of what you do......and ill support you and help you no matter what....even if u dont want me anymore....okay? so dont worry....