#anyways with school coming to an end maybe ill get back into this??

[todayisafridaynight]

getting wigs for characters with the same hair color as myself make me feel like the biggest dumbass around but youd have me fucked thinking im burdening myself with daigos 2000's emo cut just for a weekend

[alloutshirt]

ngl all this amazing queer romantic content got me feeling lonely ✌️🥲

[baddiewiththebook]

ONE OF THE BOYS

-> While you pine hopelessly over your best friend, Eddie Munson. You hear the sentiment 'one of the boys' one too many times and you've decided to change that. All in the name of the one boy who won't even look at you, or so you think.

-> eddie munson x you (she/her)

-> friends to lovers, slow burn, angst

-> warnings - strong language and suggestive themes [no smut]

-> a/n originally a one-shot, but I couldn’t help myself and wrote some more!

Part 1 [Part 2]

-> <-

Your heart sinks into the deepest pits of your chest. The tiny inconspicuous hole where no one would ever look. Your spirit lies under the earth, while Eddie lies bricks instead of dirt across your corpse. A quite violent death you have taken on.

“Are you still with us?” Gareth waves a hand in front of your face. Grease slips between his fingers from his two day old burger that your school pretends was freshly slapped on a grill that morning.

You squirm. “Sorry, what was that?”

“Eddie says you could come to practice,” he throws his hand up. “You’re one of the boys!”

Right.

Like someone had thrown water across your face, you slide theatrically to the floor in a puddle of you. Theatrically speaking - of course.

The lunchroom chatter dies in the back of your head like you just did a moment ago. You excuse yourself from the group, while claiming that you have forgotten your exam in the next class period and you should really put in at least a few moments of study time.

Your few moments are actually spent stowing yourself away in the ladies room.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe he asked you out!” A girl squeals. “What are you going to wear? Tell me everything!”

You had stopped your self doubting and your eternally ill fading romantic imaginations you came up with while you stare at the dull gaze in your eye behind the dirty spotted bathroom mirror. You should focus on your studies anyway. Failing your senior year of high school, again, was not on your list of to-do's.

Then again, the two girls gossiping were very pretty. You took notes. Hair full and down to her chest in length. The kind of hair Texas wishes they had. Cheeks were plump, and dusted pink with some powder of sorts. Full lips covered in sweet strawberry gloss. You can smell their gloss from just a sink away. That, or perhaps that was their perfume. Sweet and feminine.

“I'm sorry,” one of them notices you staring, while she applies a thick coat of her lip-gloss. 'Strawberry Dream' is what the little label on the tube reads. “Are we being loud?”

“No, no,” you shake your head.

“Okay,” she sings awkwardly, before continuing the conversation her friend had started. “Anyway, Josie, I think we should go shopping for a new outfit. Oh! I - so - need a new gloss. Something sexy!”

“Sexy?” You accidentally slip the words, before you could stop yourself.

The girl cocks her head. “Do you usually eavesdrop?”

Not that they weren’t talking in front of her.

“My bad,” you tug at the ends of your t-shirt. “Erm- you’re trying to impress this boy?”

“Yes,” she says simply. “Do you have some sort of advice?”

Looking you up and down, she spots the stains from your lunch at your chest. Trying not to snort and jeer at your expense, she waits for you to respond. Her cocky tight lipped smile says enough.

“Actually,” you reply. “I- Why don’t you try being yourself? He clearly likes you to ask you out, so maybe you could tone it down?”

“Tone it down?” She frowns. “Like you? Tell me er- girl of some sort- how many dates have you gotten with that fresh out of bed look you wear every single day. You look like a shy boy. Yeah, I see you around. You’re small like a shrimp. You need to be shark in these waters or your going to get your head bitten off. Put on a bra. A low cut top. And, maybe some blush to hide that dead corpse face you wear-,”

“It’s my skin-,”

“When you get a date, then you get an opinion. Got it?”

“Got it,” you zip your lips. What a bitch.

-> <-

Practice, as the group of men slamming poorly synchronized chords together, is held at Gareth’s garage promptly after school. You did not participate in the noise, but rather you sit in a lawn chair onlooking. Fanning yourself with your hands, sweat glistens across your skin like armor.

Your friends finish their set. Eyes on you, you cheer for their noise that will surely draw eyes from the neighborhood. Someone will be by soon to tell the boys to quiet their racket, and to perhaps indulge themselves in a new activity like reading a book. The Book, perhaps.

“You’re getting better,” you propose promisingly.

Eddie nudges your shoulder with a fist on his way to the cooler to grab a cold soda. You pretend like your heart didn’t just stop inside of your chest.

“I told you, guys,” Eddie has been raving to his band mates (and occasional D&D players) that you, his B.F.F., wasn’t going to ruin practice. That just because you might have a new rack and hips hidden underneath this t-shirt wasn’t going to change any dynamic within the group.

They all agreed about this while staring at your ever growing chest and hips. You cover your chest again, before speaking out of turn.

“Are you ever going to preform these songs?” You ask the group.

Eddie’s plush lips touch the bottle his soda came in. Condensation from the glass dripped across his chin and down his neck to the exposed flesh of his chest.

And, they were so worried about you “developing.” Here you are, eyeballing your best friend like you haven’t ever seen him before. Suddenly, you woke up one morning and you were obsessed with him!

It isn’t like that at all. You didn’t know when you began having feelings for your best friend. Somewhere between living next to each other in the trailer park. Sneaking out after your curfew to splash in Lovers Lake (Eddie’s favorite way to wash off his worries). And, the times you tripped over your own clumsiness when Eddie was the first to rescue you. You might have just fallen into his eyes you stared at them so long. Maybe- maybe that’s when something changed.

No more boys and girls - there are men and women. High school changes us - all of us. There’s science behind it all, you suppose. You took health courses, but no scientific explanation could bring you to figure out how you were completely enamored by your best friend.

Your best friend, who is sweating underneath the heat of the garage. Finding himself without options, he strips his shirt.

“Hold this for me,” he says like there’s no issue. Because there was no issue for him, you’re alone in your feelings. Classic.

“Sure,” you fold his shirt up in your lap, while resisting the urge to inhale his scent like a trained dog trying to find a missing person. Or, like an addict getting their fix for the first time in days.

“And, yes,” Eddie announces, before slamming down a new chord. “Come watch us at the Hideout!”

“Really?!”

“Sure,” Gareth speaks for his friend. “If you want.”

“I’ll come,” you ask, “What time?”

“We’ll start setting up around six in the evening, but we’re not set to play until seven,” Eddie explains to you. “Friday.”

You nod. “I’ll be there!”

“Oh, Eddie!” Gareth grabs his attention. “You gonna bring Roxie?”

Roxie Martin? Now, she’s a hot pair of tits in a mini skirt. Full scarlet lips, Rockin’ Roxie, as some people called her, was a She Devil in human skin. Sinking her teeth into her pray, she poisons them with feminine venom. She doesn’t even have to sing them a tune, for men will follow her into the depths of the vast blue ocean without question.

Some just thought she was a slut in heels, though.

Whatever story floats.

Eddie strums a sour note.

“Dude, I’m just teasing,” his friend snickers.

Eddie scolds his friend, then the group of boys begin to slam on their instruments some more.

You sat there for hours watching Eddie slobber over his guitar. Sweat glistened down across his skin. His fingers striking each chord by heart as he did every night. Touching the strings expertly with the tips of his cherry red fingers. He begun feeling sore towards the end of the night, and the guys agree that it would probably be a good opportunity to turn in for the night.

Practice would resume tomorrow.

And you were forever and eternally frustrated.

-> <-

“Robin,” you slouched over the clear candy bowl labeled ‘Free.’ “I need to be a girl.”

Robin jabs away at the keypad of the store computer that is clearly frozen. While she might be renting out videos to people, Robin’s shit with technology.

That gave her more time to ignore her responsibilities, however, and acknowledges to your moping. With an arched brow, she sucks in her lips and she lets them go with a loud pop.

“You are a girl,” she states the obvious, while appearing to look down at your chest. “Or- so I think.”

“That’s not what I meant,” you stuff more candy into your mouth like a starved squirrel just coming out from hibernation. Squirrels hibernate, don’t they? Whatever.

“What ever could you possibly mean?” She props herself up onto her elbows.

There was a time when you were a child that a mean boy kicked dirt on you at the playground. Swooping in like your knight in shining armor, Eddie came to you to brush the dirt from your clothes and to wipe the tears from your cheeks. Feeling outcasted, Eddie surrounded himself in the weaker kids. The kids that enjoy recess sitting on the brick wall of their school, or close by the door to wait for your teachers to let you back inside.

You read books with him during quiet reading because he didn’t know how to keep the letters from mixing together. Eddie would apologize for his hair being frizzy, and all over the place. You thought he was funny looking like that.

Sometimes you wish you could go back to the good old days where your heart didn’t sing in your chest whenever your childhood best friend was near. You wish the aching in your bones would sooth itself instead of feeling fuzzy every time Eddie greeted you at a whisper from behind. That his strong hand touching you like a doll would become friendly again, and less like you want to shove him against the lockers to kiss his pretty face.

You knew better.

Yet, here you are.

Say it had something to do with what happened yesterday. Roxie’s sexy. You want her sexy. Not her. But, just the sexy. And, whoever was in the bathroom was right. You’re much more than a baggy t-shirt and a pair of denim on your legs. You grew up during the summer, and so what if you want to show off a bit. You earned your assets.

“I can’t tell you,” you put out there for Robin to read. “You’ll blab to Steve, and Steve will tell- doesn’t matter.”

You wait for her to speak, but Robin never does. She blinks at you.

“There’s this boy-,”

“A boy?!” Her voice echoes against the furthest most walls.

You wave your hands. “Robin!”

“Go on!”

“I just - I want to grow up a little.”

The jangle of the front door opening broke their conversation apart. There was nothing elegant about Eddie Munson. He slammed his jacket into the stand of desperately rentable tapes. The display wobbled. Swiveled. And, slammed into the floor. The video tapes splattered.

“Dude!” Robin huffs. “I just put those up!”

Eddie scrambles to rescue the mess. “My bad, Robs. You know? You might not want to put these right in front of the walkway. ‘Could get knocked over - see?”

Robin knew Eddie from class. Smart mouth guy with a lot to say about literature. He held a lot in his head, but once he got to a piece of paper, he could just go.

“The usual, Eddie?”

Oh, and he also rented out the same tape once a week for the past three weeks. It was a Rated R film that had a single one minute scene of a nude woman on top of a man she was suffocating. Not with her boobs- with his belt.

Robin snaps back into reality.

“Eh, looking for something new,” he fixed the display, before joining the girls at the register. “Suggestions?”

Robin slams her palm against the monitor. “Stupid thing is still frozen. Oh! Did you hear your little pal has a crush on a boy?”

“Robin!” You cringe. Turning into the wallpaper sounds really nice right about now. Hell, you’ll fix that computer if it gets Robin off the topic of you.

Anyone, she can blab to anyone, but Eddie. Where was Steve when you needed him? Oh, you are so screwed!

“What? It’s just Eddie!”

Just Eddie - yeah, Robin, that’s the problem.

“A crush? On who?” Eddie scoffs out loud.

Your jaw goes agape. “Are you saying I can’t have a crush on someone?”

“No, I just- you’re one of the guys!”

“She can’t be one of the guys forever,” Robin defends you. Perhaps she saw you twitch. “She’s a girl underneath those stains.”

You brush your dirty t-shirt.

“Robin-,”

“What? Whoever this boy is, he’s shit out of luck if he doesn’t see what we all see,” your friend continues.

Eddie teeters his balance back and forth on each foot.

“I’m going to go look for a movie,” he says.

Robin ignores him shuffling into the isles. “I’m just saying if he doesn’t like you back that is his loss. Right?”

You peak around for any sight of Eddie. His frizzy mane is locked onto a movie in the farthest isle.

“Oh my god,” Robin follows your gaze. “Oh my god! This is big- no, huge- I can’t believe before my eyes your friends to lovers trope-,”

“Robin! Hush!” You whisper at a much louder volume than you anticipate.

Yet, here comes Eddie back to the counter without a film in hand. Robin shoots you a glance that screams that she’s about to burst like a toddler who has to pee, but they can’t get their overalls off.

“Can’t find anything?” Robin intertwined her fingers in front of her.

“Maybe tomorrow,” Eddie sighs.

The sound that came from Robin’s lips could have been the earth splitting in two, and trying to suck her in or the angels above calling her back to heaven. She’s a bit eccentric.

Oh, God, you think she’s plotting.

“Actually,” she settles. “I have a film back here that we haven’t set out on shelves yet.”

“Is it a romance?” He guesses purely based on the actors gazing longingly on the front cover. “Robin, I don’t do romance.”

“Obviously,” she says as a matter-of-fact. “Anyway, this is a mystery. Hm? You know? Like clues and shit.”

“Clues and shit?”

“Maybe,” you signal ‘no’ to Robin, but she blatantly ignores you, “you two can watch it together. Hm? Solve the mystery, before the show ends? Let me know what you think!”

“Robin-,” Eddie begins, but Robin is already scanning the tape to rent out.

“It’ll be fun!”

You pinch the bridge of your nose.

“I’ll see you around six for a movie night like old times?”

You mask your embarrassment. Nodding in a set agreement, Eddie left with the film still eyeing the cover like it had just insulted him.

“How could you do that?” You shame her.

Robin shrugs her shoulders, while dancing behind the counter like a relationship fairy.

“Oh! You’ll need something to wear by then!” She shouts to her coworker. “Steve! I’m not feeling well! Will you be okay for the rest of the day?!”

“Ah ha,” Steve appears like he’s been waiting for permission to enter the conversation. “You’re not leaving me here by myself!”

“What was that? I can’t hear you,” she points to her ear, as she’s setting her jacket over her shoulders. “Ear ache.”

“Robin!”

“Huh? Oh, thank you!” She shuffles herself and you out the front door.

Warm air meets you outside. Although you wished to take off another layer, you felt practically naked as is. Cotton blend shirts were thick in these spring days. The same could be said for your denim jeans.

“Won’t he be mad?” You ask.

Robin snorts. “Steve? No.”

No explanation given - no explanation necessary. Robin and Steve were like a pair of siblings at most times. Although, knowing Steve had a thing for Robin at some point made the analogy much creepier than it should have been.

You drive yourself and Robin back to your home where your family was not. They’re out of town for the whole week doing an anniversary trip. Figuring your of the age to take care of yourself, they’ve left you by yourself with only the responsibility of keeping the home clean.

“What are we looking for?” You sit on your made bed hugging one of your pillows to your chest, while Robin riffles through your closet.

Robin shoves another dress across the hanger to the disapproved pile. Her grunts and sighs are discouraging as is, but rather her blatant disregard that you like some of those clothes is hurting even more. Or, maybe you like those clothes. You haven’t gone shopping in a while.

“Do you own anything that isn’t from Forever 40?” She jokes heartily.

You tilt your head to one side. “I like my clothes.”

“Well, we don’t have time for shopping,” she scans around your room for something. Jostling your clean laundry, your papers across your desk and the drawers under them - she finally lets out an, “Ah, ha!”

You groan. “Are you going to clean your mess?”

Clearly ignoring you, Robin holds up a sharpened pair of scissors like a magic wand. Holding one of your plain shirts in the air, she begins slicing away at every angle.

“Hey!” You protest.

She pauses. “Right, put it on.”

“Rob, that’s my favorite shirt!”

“I’ll buy you another one,” she shoves your head through the hole, and continues sniping at the edges. Fondling your chest, she measures where the top of your breast lies. “Hey! Your the first woman to let me touch their boobs. Congrats!”

You laugh at this. “Robin, as your friend, you can touch my boobs any time you need a fix.”

“Don’t tease me with a good time,” she jokes back. With one more snip, she steps away from you. “You have any skirts? No, of course you don’t. Jeans will have to do.”

You couldn’t hear Robin’s tangent. In the standing mirror hung on your wall, you saw someone new. Surely, she moves when you move. Her chest bounces while she breathes. That tan from the summer on the beach is touching her skin in a most devilish manor. You hold your chin a bit higher seeing what a few snips from craft scissors will do.

“Makeup!” Robin insists.

Pink rouge presses into your cheekbones. Those cheekbones you earned from your grandmother. That’s always the compliment your mother spoke. And, mascara coated thickly across your eyelashes. Your lashes are rather short, but with that black mascara you were seeing yourself glow with confidence.

Lip gloss that tasted like honey-

“In case you’re kissing any boys tonight,” she clicks the tube together with the wand. “My dear, you’re ready.”

You take a spin in the mirror.

“I hardly recognize myself,” you touch your hair.

Robin slaps your hand away. “Don’t mess that up, before Eddie gets here. Oh! And, look at the time, I should go.”

You’re left by yourself for another hour. Twiddling your thumbs, and checking your makeup by the minute. Eventually, you pop popcorn in the microwave and place the bowl in the center of the coffee table in the living room. You twist the bowl around, so you can’t see the chip on the side from when you dropped the bowl a few years ago.

Tapping your foot against the plush carpet beneath your feet, you travel between worlds where you feel ridiculous for dressing up like this, but you also feel hot.

Denim cuts at your waist, and you begin to doubt wearing jeans instead of pajamas. You never wore jeans after you got home. Eddie will surely know what’s up.

You have no time to change your mind because the doorbell rings through the quiet house. Stillness - as if moving would threaten your life somehow. Then, again, the doorbell sings.

You drag the sweat from your hands onto the back of your jeans. Jeans that you should have changed to shorts. He’ll see right through your ruse!

You settle your nerves with one more glance over in the mirror in your little entryway. When you open the front door, Eddie’s tickling the lavender your mom set out on the front porch last week.

“What? Your shirt go through a lawnmower?” Was the first thing he says.

You knew it.

“Erm-,”

“I brought the movie, and beer,” he held up the movie and a six pack he snaked off of his uncle. “Come on, I’m freezing out here.”

Eddie doesn’t ask where anything is. He’s been here so many times before, birthdays, holidays and any time your mother has just come back from the supermarket with “the good snacks.”

You knew each other for some time, which is probably why he’s never going to see you as someone other than his best friend. Why would you think about that? You had a shot, right?

“I popped popcorn,” you pointed in the living room.

“Sick,” he drops down into your couch. “We can go ahead and start the movie - the guys will be here soon.”

“The guys?” You blurt.

“Well, yeah,” Eddie says. “Like old times?”

“Right,” the light in your eye fades, and you just hope Eddie can’t sense the hesitance in your tone.

In the next hour, your quiet date night that had been set up by your overly optimistic friend, swirls in the direction that it is always meant to be. You squish into the couch arm rest, while Gareth battles Eddie over the movie choice. Although, this time the boys came to an agreement that this was not an action movie like Robin promised Eddie earlier.

“Where’s the gore?!” Gareth flings popcorn at the television screen. “Throw her off the ledge!”

“You want to see an innocent woman flung to her death?” You snap at him.

A piece of popcorn drops from Gareth’s mouth, and into his awaiting lap. You didn’t come to raising your tone with the boys unless something truly bothers you. Clearly, by the tightness in your chest, some of the anger spills over the edge. Quite like the woman dangling the man’s waist.

“Never mind,” you stand. “I’m going to make more popcorn.”

Taking the bowl from Eddie, you stow away in the comfort of your kitchen. Before your mother left for her trip, a folded note stacked on the island told you to not bring anyone over. But, if you are going to have boys over, she asks that you use protection. She has a wild imagination if she thinks her daughter has a sex life.

She must have passed this onto you. You toss yourself at someone, who obviously holds no similar feelings as you do. This whole night was a bust. Your eyes itch from the mascara. Your lips bled from when you chewed on them like they’re your last meal. At least the color matches with your lip gloss that you reapplied many times in the bathroom when you need a break from the crowd in your living room. And, you can’t feel your waist anymore. Tingling below the belt - and for all the wrong reasons.

“You okay?” Gareth’s voice startles you.

You spin around, and he’s there standing where the carpet meets the linoleum.

A yell from the living room suggests something mortifying must have happened in the film like the boy finally kissing the girl, or perhaps saying something romantic.

“Yeah,” you blink. “Just- making more popcorn.”

Gareth doesn’t say anything about the popcorn bags sitting on the counter next to him, but the room reads itself. You scamper over to the bag, before ripping the plastic and the bag apart by accident sending kernels across the floor. Gareth meets you at the floor below.

“Shit,” you sniff. “I’ll get the broom.”

“Hey,” he grabs your arm, before you can run off again. “What’s going on?”

You sit next to the mess on the floor letting out a gust of air from your lungs that you’ve been holding onto for dear life.

“It’s stupid,” you tell him.

Gareth moves a piece of your hair from in front of your face. “What?”

You look at him for the first time. Between you two, you didn’t have to say a word he didn’t already know. Because while you’re chasing Eddie, Gareth’s warm heart is following after you. You’re blind to him before.

“Eddie’s not going to like me back, is he?” You whisper at an almost inaudible volume. Dabbing at your eye, you wipe the single tear threatening to break the damn.

Gareth sits next to you with his arms wrapped around his knees.

“I don’t know,” he says honestly. “I think he just hasn’t woken up yet. He does talk about you a lot when your not around.”

“Really?”

“You scare him,” Gareth lets out a breathy laugh. “In a good way. He- he’s never had someone to rely on in his life besides his uncle. And, if what Eddie says is true, you’ll never truly change to please anyone. You’re loyal, and your funny. You’re beyond beautiful. The Goddesses shrivel in your light-.”

Your cheeks heat up.

“Okay, I might have added that last part,” he admits. “But, you never know if you don’t try.”

You reach out for his hand. “Thank you, Gareth.”

He squeezes your hand. “Anytime.”

You say. “And I- I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Erm- you know.”

“I guess I do,” he looks away. “I’ll be fine.”

You toss a popcorn kernel Gareth’s direction hoping to lighten the mood. Gareth snorts and tosses one back.

“We should clean up,” you tell him.

Gareth agrees. “Oh, and - when I said you don’t change, I meant it.”

You pull at your half shirt. “Yeah, I don’t think this is me. Everyone just kept telling me to stop dressing like a boy.”

“Trust me,” Gareth suggests. “You do not look like a boy.”

“Oh, shut up,” you gather yourself on your own two feet. “I don’t know - I kind of like the look, but maybe tone it down a bit?”

“I’ll get the broom,” Gareth says leaving your question unanswered. "Oh, and I promise to keep myself and the guys out of your way the next time Eddie suggests we all have a 'movie night'" at your house."

"You caught onto that?"

"It's a classic move," he sweeps. "I can't say I wasn't going to try it on you some day."

"Well, I'm sorry that it won’t work out between us," you assure him.

"I'll survive," he won’t really look at you now, only at the task at hand. "Besides, I know how great of a guy Eddie is. If you do go out with him, there’s no hard feelings."

Gareth sweeps every last kernel from the floor, then uses the dust pan to scoop them up and finally tosses them into the bin. By the time he's done scoping out every inch of your floor, you're done popping a new bag of popcorn.

The movie night continues without a hitch (aside from the merciless damning of the film coming from each of the boys in your home). Your eye on the one man, who could never look at you the way you do him. But, you don't know that for sure.

Because, as soon as you look away, Eddie's full attention is on you.

[arliedraws]

All this anti-Remus talk is making me like him even more 😂

I love that he’s a character who is so fixated on image and how he comes off. He’s such a cold person! Detached! Won’t form close bonds! Like…his loving parents fucked him up by keeping him away from all other children until Hogwarts. I love how this plays into his character again and again and again.

I put the rest under the cut because it gets a bit tangential, but whatever, I was feeling a bit heated.

I feel like Remus doesn’t actually know how to make friends—he has let everyone come to him. James and Sirius formed their little group, and Remus has always been in awe of what friends will do FOR him. What did Remus do for his friends? Maybe Remus learns how to accept love, but he is not very good at giving it back.

It’s so interesting to me that Remus doesn’t become Harry’s go-to even after they spent hours together. Harry allows Remus to see his most vulnerable side, and Remus doesn’t reciprocate even after the truth comes out. At the very least, he could write Harry. He could visit Harry in the summer.

But I actually LOVE this about Remus. I love that he’s written as a warm, inviting sort of person when he’s actually someone who is terrified of forming close bonds. No one is allowed to see the real Lupin, and once someone has seen a part of himself he doesn’t like, he immediately detaches himself and disappears. Remus wants to appear in control of himself because he is concerned more about his image than doing the right thing. At the end of PoA, I’m sure he’s upset that he nearly killed Harry and co, obviously, but more importantly, he’s embarrassed that he lost control. If he really cared about the safety of students, he would have revealed Sirius’s disguise to Dumbledore as soon as Sirius escaped Azkaban.

The point of his character is “what you see on the surface is not necessarily what lies below.” It’s one of the most salient themes of PoA.

Anyway, it’s uncomfortable! So many people want to make Remus a “model of marginalization” - who, depending on the fanon, falls on one end of the spectrum which is “ohhhh poor disabled guy :((( he can’t do anything because he’s a pathetic baby” or “look how hot and tall and rational and intelligent he is despite his poverty/disability!!!!”

It’s SO INFANTILIZING. I don’t think Remus is a bad guy or a good guy—I think that his particularly negative character traits are a result of prejudice towards his condition, his upbringing, and his internalized prejudice towards werewolves. So I am not saying he’s a complete asshole. Obviously. My point, though, is that he has friends who support him in school, particularly James, who break the law and risk torture prison (and bodily harm from a werewolf) to support him.* And Remus…he does not do much to reciprocate that sort of love. The very least he can do for James is to check in on Harry (he doesn’t even need to say hi—just literally see that he’s ok!). James risked his life for Remus, and Remus won’t risk Dumbledore’s disapproval to reciprocate.

He continually does the LEAST for Harry. Harry has to beg him to teach him the Patronus Charm. And when Harry is clearly craving his parents’ voices as they’re dying, Remus doesn’t even offer a nugget of “ohhhh, gosh, Harry, let’s give you some good stories about your dad, ok?”

This is a cold, broken man who has convinced himself that being alone is safe because you can never be rejected. This is Remus’s greatest fear. He’s the teacher that needs to be liked but he hides behind professionalism when it suits him. His “nice guy” traits are a fucking ACT. I want people to explore more about his negative traits! He blames his condition when people get too close, and when people manage to climb his walls to try to get close to him, he pushes them away.

Chronic illness does not make you a good person—it just makes life harder. Remus accepts love and support from his friends—and yes, they SHOULD give him love and support because this is what we owe each other, but Remus also owes his friends love and support. It’ll look different from how James, Sirius, and Peter can support him, but you don’t get to just take from your friends without giving back. Your friends are not there to be your mommy. Sometimes, you’ll go through periods where your friends are holding you up and you just need to accept that they don’t resent you for it, but if you’re willing to accept help, you’d better be willing to return it later. As someone who has a few people in their life who take and take and give little in return, I can tell you, it starts to feel like your only purpose is to carry them on your shoulders. And man, it’s fucking exhausting. Sometimes I need to be carried too.

I have no idea how Remus behaved at Hogwarts regarding his friends on a day to day basis because Harry never sees evidence of this, but we see him as an adult who is unwilling to support his friend’s orphaned kid in ANY meaningful way…unless Harry begs him. In the end, Remus is still an autonomous adult and Harry is a child in need. In this situation, at the bare minimum, Remus has the power to pick up a pen and write.

So why don’t we see this more in fic? You all know I’m a Sirius stan, but I am CONSTANTLY critiquing Sirius’s relationship with masculinity. Sirius is my favorite character, and I LOVE exploring the uncomfortable parts of him—he’s cold when he perceives that he has been emasculated, even belittling Harry when he’s insulted. He’ll put himself in danger to protect Harry when all Harry really wants is for Sirius to be there for him (which Sirius can’t do in OotP). These are the bits that make me queasy—and I love exploring them!

Why not explore the ugly parts of Remus? You say you want interesting, well-rounded characters with chronic illness/disabilities/neurodivergence? Then let them be interesting. Make them complicated and embrace the icky parts of them. If you want, explore how society has created a cold, sad, wet noodle Remus and then GIVE HIM A PATH TO GROWTH. Like… if you don’t like these parts, give him scenarios so he can grow and become a better person.

Anyway, stop fucking throwing around words like “ableism” when you hear something you don’t like about a character. You don’t know the real person behind their username. Most of us here have some sort of disability/neurodivergence/chronic illness, etc, so stop fucking assuming we’re Chad Abled-Bodied or Karen Neurotypical, ffs.

It’s fucking insulting and infantilizing that we can’t discuss complexity in characters who are marginalized in their society. By excusing all of their less than cute actions, you’re essentially saying, “This is not a full human being with a full range of emotion and flaws—they are a perfect little baby who doesn’t deserve reproach, who can do whatever he wants!”

But that’s just me, I guess.

—

* (Also, side note, Moony the werewolf could have very well killed any one of them. Additionally, the theory that Moony couldn’t hurt them in Animagus form was ONLY A THEORY. It might not have worked at ALL and they risked their lives to test it.)

[gloomzi]

THIS MAY BE BASED OFF A SAM C AI BOT I TALKED TO BUT OML ILL LOVE TO SEE YOU WRITE IT

This will take time after Sam escapes and is in readers dorm.

The reader ends up taking Sam out to a local place like Walmart because earlier Sam said he wanted to get out for once a be a normal person. But the reader wasn't one to get out themselves or evening party, so they did the best they could. Take sam to Walmart. Once arriving the reader pulls out a shopping cart, looking over at sam with a half smile "wanna get in and I push you around?" Which leads sam being pushed around a Walmart in a shopping cart by the reader. So they takes him down different isle with the frozen snacks, spicy chips, drinks, etc and this kid looks like he is in mfing disney land but the characters are actually the characters.

(I ended up taking sam to the toy isle and he picked out a monster high doll and I educated him on the lore to which he picked frankine. Boy got taste)

waaah thank u for the request! sry it took longer than expected, shit just kept coming up in my life TvT but regardless i hope u enjoy it!

WORD COUNT 2622

WARNINGS is primarily fluff but ends on a bit of a hurt/comfort note (sry), prose heavy

Ever since Sam had started staying in your dorm, he had been asking to go out and do something normal for once—nothing big, just something to get him out of the building, like grocery shopping or going to a party. Something where nobody would be paying attention to the people around them or would be too drunk to remember anyways.

Unfortunately for him, you were a bit too paranoid about your current predicament to want to bring him out in public—you wished that you could, but you knew all too well the lengths others would go to to hurt Sam, to bring him back to the woods, and you didn’t want to risk that—and you didn’t really have friends that were the partying type anyways. Or well, not anymore. Not since that last party where Andre nearly killed someone and Marie was almost expelled.

So, that left you with two options: keep telling Sam no while he gets more and more frustrated at being stuck in your cramped dorm room with little entertainment, or drive him far enough out of town that there was a decreased chance of him getting caught. 

You chose the latter.

As soon as you came back from classes that Friday, you were throwing an oversized hoodie at the boy and a plastic package containing black face masks, “C’mon Sam, we’re going on a trip!”

He was ecstatic, immediately dropping whatever it was he was holding—upon second glance you realized it was a few of your minifigs, embarrassing—to get dressed.

Seeing him struggle to change into his not so stellar disguise, you giggled, helping him tug the edge of the hoodie off his elbow where it had been stuck and over his stomach, flattening the fabric for him before handing him a cheap pair of readers off your desk and the masks which had fallen to the floor.

“Ground rules, Sam, okay? We’re going to be heading out of town, but until we cross town lines you have to keep all of this on, got it? And when we get there you can’t leave my side, you gotta stay where I can see you.” You said, watching as he slipped on the glasses, which were, admittedly, a bit silly looking on him, but it was endearing in a way.

Sam nodded quickly, grinning down at you, “Yeah, yeah, of course! Whatever you say!” Sam paused, tearing open the packaging on the masks before looking back up at you, “Where are we going again…?”

You chuckled, turning on your heel to switch your school bag out for a smaller one, stuffing your necessities in it, “Walmart, honey. You been before? When you were younger maybe?”

Sam hummed, thinking for a second before shrugging, “I mean, probably…the name sounds familiar, but I don’t really remember.”

You found that Sam didn’t mind talking about stuff he remembered from before The Woods or Sage Grove Center, in fact he usually recalled those times fondly, but his memory seemed pretty spotty before then.

“Fair enough,” You shrugged back, “Ready to go?” You held out a hand for him to grab, tugging your bag onto your shoulder with your other hand.

Sam nodded, smiling softly and taking your hand, allowing you to lead him out of the building and to the parking lot. 

Not many students on campus had cars, you yourself having only got one from your parents which you pay them back for monthly, meaning it was fairly easy to find where you had parked earlier in the week. Your car was on the older side, nowhere near glamorous—the thing didn’t even have an aux cord, so CDs were practically your life line now—but it ran well enough and you kept it clean and nicely decorated, from bumper stickers to stuffies in the backseat.

Sam peaked in the window, seemingly intrigued by the unreasonable amount of plush toys taking up space, but quickly snapped out of it when you pulled open the passenger door, waving him in.

You rounded the car quickly, hopping in and starting it up so you could show Sam how the radio worked and help him readjust his seat until he was comfortable.

“See, you can pull this thing right here backwards or forwards to bring your seat closer or further away from the dash, and if you pull this other one behind it it’ll adjust the back of your seat to recline more.” You guided him, holding your hand over his to make sure he felt where everything was, “And if you want to change any of the CDs, I keep all of mine right here in the center console, you just need to hit this eject button here to take out one and then the load button to put in the new one!”

Sam nodded along, asking questions about your CDs and which ones you liked best, fiddling with the volume to hear better before settling on one.

“Alright, ready to go now? Seatbelt on?”

“Yeah, let's go!”

Pulling out of the parking lot, you and Sam talked lightly, him mostly staring out the window and asking questions about the town and little stores you passed while you focused on driving, answering with fond amusement.

The drive was a bit longer than you were used to making, but you had to get out of town, so you knew it would be at least an hour, CDs seeming to come and go faster than you remember them being, though you guessed it might have something to do with Sam being there to talk over them.

By the time you had made it to the Walmart Sam had changed out of his sad excuse for a disguise, the hoodie being thrown into your backseat in favor of just wearing a white long sleeve with a graphic tee over it, glasses tucked into your sunglasses compartment and mask shoved into your glovebox. Both of you were getting a bit hungry at this point, so you felt relieved to see there was a Dunkin inside the Walmart as well, ordering you and Sam some hash browns and a vanilla bean coolatta to split.

Just based on his reaction you could tell he wasn’t used to having anything as sweet as that drink, his lips puckering as his eyes went wide, “Jesus christ, this shit must be loaded with sugar!”

“Oh yeah, that’s why we’re splitting it, I’d get sick otherwise,” You laughed, “You like it though, right? If not, I can buy you something else.”

“No, no, it’s really good! I like it!”

You hummed in acknowledgement, starting to walk towards the carts, knowing Sam would follow. Grabbing one of the large carts, you tapped the side, “Wanna get in? I’ll push you around.”

Sam’s eyes lit up, as he practically bounced up to the cart, “Hell yeah!” He cheered, throwing a leg over the side, cart wobbling lightly as you tried to hold it steady before he finally fell the rest of the way in, drink held in the air to keep it safe.

You giggled, holding your hand out for the drink so you could take a sip before handing it back to him, “Do you want to get some snacks for the dorm first? Anything you want as long as it’s not ridiculously expensive.”

Sam nodded, sipping on the drink once more with a small smile. He looked like a kid on Christmas, eyes lit up as he looked at practically every item you came across, trying to decide whether or not he liked the sound of different chip flavors and microwave noodles.

Maybe I should just get him one of those mini stoves that plugs into the wall…does he even know how to cook though? Probably not. You thought, rolling the cart into the drinks aisle and grabbing a case of water bottles.

“Hey, do you know how to cook?” You asked, starting to push the cart again. You had cleared all the food aisles, so now you just needed to grab him some clothes and maybe check out the toy aisles too. You always liked looking for figurines and board games in there, Sam would probably like that stuff too if you had to venture a guess.

“Sort of? My mom taught me simple stuff when I was younger.”

You nodded, “I can show you how to do some other stuff then, I’ll just have to get you something to cook with in the dorm.”

“Thank you…” Sam muttered, pursing his lips like he had more to say, but decided against it. You didn’t push. If Sam really wanted to say something, he’d say it in due time.

Finally arriving in the men’s section, you pushed the cart to the side, motioning for Sam to get out. He looked confused, but got out anyway, clambering over the side with about as much grace as a baby deer.

“You’re gonna have to try stuff on or at least hold it up to your frame to make sure it fits,” You said.

“Ohh, okay.” He said, putting the coolatta down in the cart’s baby seat.

For the next few minutes you watched him pick out clothes and hold them up to himself, pulling them on over his own shirt occasionally, but mostly just sizing up if he was unsure. He didn’t seem too picky, but you could tell he liked the more colorful patterns, only picking up darker clothes for “outings”, as he kept referring to them. He even picked up a few anime shirts, asking if you were familiar with the shows and if they were any good before deciding to just get a Naruto shirt anyways, thinking the design was cute, which got a hearty laugh out of you.

You made sure he picked out some sweaters and sleep clothes as well, boxers and socks, a few pairs of jeans and a pair of sturdy shoes, since his old ones were pretty beat up. The perks of working a part time job while having only a couple expenses meant you could pretty much splurge on him all you wanted and thank god for that, you didn’t know if you had the heart to say no to him.

After he had been satisfied with all his selections he had climbed back into the cart, pushing the growing pile of stuff around until it surrounded him like a nest of clothes and food.

“Do you want to check out the toys now? Or maybe some books?” You asked, lightly pushing him through the rows between the aisles. You figured you would be passing the section anyways and you had caught him reading once or twice in your room, maybe he’d want something newer.

“Could we do both? I think I’ve read through most of your collection already and Emma doesn’t have anything that isn’t from 2013 or earlier,” He groaned.

You huffed a laugh, smacking at his shoulder, “Just because Emma is reliving her YA fantasy doesn’t mean you get to shit on her taste!”

Sam whined dramatically, rubbing his shoulder as if you had actually hurt him, “Owww, careful or I’ll never even make it to the books!”

“‘Owww, careful’,” You mocked, snorting, “go pick out a book you menace!”

Sam rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t stop the grin on his face as he climbed back out of the cart, perusing the aisle, muttering to himself about each book. 

As he looked at the books you watched fondly, leaning against the cart until he was finished debating and set two thick hardcovers into the growing pile of items surrounding the empty spot he quickly climbed back into.

“To the toys!” Sam whooped, fist pumping the air as you pushed off in the direction of the aisle. 

You giggled, ruffling his hair, “To the toys!”

As soon as the aisles of toys came into view Sam was practically throwing himself out of the cart, tripping over his shoes until he was picking up a couple Barbie dolls, looking them over with excitement, “How many can I get?”

“How about we look at everything and then you pick out a few, okay? I can always get you more if you want.”

Sam nodded, beginning to saunter down the aisles, not checking to see if you were following as he picked things off the shelves to inspect before putting them back. After what was probably 10 or so minutes he started going back through the aisles and making his final selections, at which time you decided to actually look at some of the games and cheaper action figures.

By now you were pretty confident he wouldn’t wander off so you didn’t mind turning your back to him, grabbing a couple packs of cards to replace ones that had been ruined by a drunk Jordan months ago.

Shuffling a bit to the side you crouched down to check out some of the board games, tracing your finger over the price strips as you checked each one. Just as you pulled out one of the monopoly boards you heard Sam’s voice from across the aisle, anger clearly laced into his words, though he was quiet enough that you couldn’t make out the whole sentence.

Standing slowly, you padded over to the boy, making sure you were loud enough that he heard you approaching before you crouched at his side, a hand sliding over his back to squeeze at his shoulder, “You good?”

Sam took a deep breath, his shoulders wracking as he exhaled before a small no fell from his lips, the plastic packaging on the doll he was holding creasing under his hold.

“Did you want her?” You asked softly, your other hand sliding over his wrist softly to ease the toy out of his grip. It was a Ghoulia doll. 

Sam nodded shakily, letting you take the doll and place it in the cart before you went back to help him up, “You wanna go now?” You asked softly, already knowing the answer, but wanting to give him the choice rather than just saying you were leaving. He was quick to nod. 

“Let’s go through self checkout then, okay?”

Sam nodded once more, shuffling to stand by you, one of his hands looping around your arm as you started to push the cart.

You weren’t exactly surprised the trip was ending like this, Sam was still easily overwhelmed by new things, not to mention his still untreated illnesses. It wasn’t the first time you had taken him out to buy something and he had been triggered or had a hallucination, but you didn’t mind helping him through it in any way you could. He still needed to get out sometimes, if not for him to start to readjust to normal society outside The Woods, then for him to pick out his own things. You didn’t want him to keep living like a prisoner who didn’t even get his clothes anymore, let alone a choice in his dinner or snacks.

As soon as you got to the self checkout Sam let go of your arm, letting you ring up everything and bag it as he watched in relative silence, tugging at strands of his hair in an attempt to self regulate. Once you had finished paying, you were quick to lead him back to the car.

Just as you were pulling open his door, you just barely caught the sound of him speaking, his voice wavering, “‘M sorry, (Y/N).”

Shaking your head, you reached up to cup the side of his face, tucking his hair behind his ear, “You did good, Sam, really. There’s no need to be sorry, these things happen. Let’s just get home now, okay?”

[silencesscreams]

high infidelity

peter parker x f!reader

you know there’s many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough.

warnings: college!, cheating?, toxic relationships, drinking, kissing, making out, SMUT, dirty talk, a bit of degradation, teeny tiny bit of angst, choking, oral ( f. receiving), no use of protection (please be careful and use protection irl), nicknames like princess or baby, cuddles, aftercare??

an: this happens after the whole nwh incident, so they are both 18+ AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE COLLEGE! + PETER

it was 6 in the morning, you were brushing your teeth as your phone started to ring.

‘chris <3’ was written on the screen, along with a picture of him sticking his tongue out, that goddamn photo, it mocked you. you eyed your phone for a while before picking up, you had a fight last night, you didn’t remember the reason though. probably something you said, you hadn’t been seeing him in person for a few days now, you had been spending the winter break at your grandmothers. going back to uni on that same day you fought. chris studied there too, but he was on another level. he had come from dozens of private schools, uniforms and everything else in the deal, his acceptance was guaranteed on his last name. maybe it all was just a game for him.

“hey, did i wake you up?” he questioned, once you put the phone on speaker.

“hi chris. you didn’t, is everything alright?”

“yeah, just wanted to check in. you haven’t texted me since that talk we had” it wasn’t a talk. it was him screaming on the phone with you, like you had killed his entire family and burnt down his house, when you had just told him you felt sorry about not getting accepted on the internship at the stark industries, and talking about how peter parker, a guy in your hall that had gotten accepted when he was in high school.

“yeah… sorry about what i said, i know how you feel about me being friends with guys and all. and we never even really talked babe, he was just my biochemistry partner last semester.” you apologized, not wanting to discuss this at the time, maybe you’d just let it go. it was no use anyways. the relationship had been falling apart for a while now.

“it alright. just don’t do it again. ‘gonna get breakfast at the diner with lucas and the boys, so ill talk to you later, alright? text you when i get there.”

“sure” you replied as he hung up. maybe you should break up, just rip the band aid off, you know? it was clear that it would happen sooner or later. it was stupid to keep it like that, all the fighting was just idiotic.

when you got to the chemistry lecture, you got to your usual seat, middle row third seat. you spent a few minutes biting the inside of your cheeks while checking your phone from minute to minute. you hated when he did that. you couldn’t quite find a way to finish your relationship and not end up being crucified, you felt in high school again. all the parties, homework, relationship issues. you could feel so impotent around him, like everything you say is wrong and he’ll always know better than you because he went to ivy-

“hey, y/n, right?” you heard a male voice say, turning around to face yourself with peter parker.

“y-yeah. peter?” you replied, looking at him smiling.

“that’s me. is this seat taken? its always nice to be around a familiar face so…” he asked, pointing to the seat on your left, that was occupied by your backpack.

“oh, right, no its not taken!” you answer quickly removing your things from the chair so he can sit down, trying to be as nice as possible. he quickly sat down, eyeing you in awkwardness.

“hear you applied for the stark memorial thing, that’s nice of you!” he smiles, taking out his notebook. “sorry, uhm, i forgot my pencil… so could you maybe…?”

“oh sure! absolutely!” you had gotten lost in your own sea of thoughts smiling at him. ever since you’ve met peter you’ve felt something about him. maybe now your relationship is almost over you could maybe have a shot, you don’t know at what, but you could.

mid presentation, peter slips you a note. something he was afraid to say, but felt the urge.

‘wanna go to a party next week?’

you look at him, right next to you with an intrigued smile.

‘where?’

you write, and quickly give it back to him.

‘john’s, first floor of your dorms building. it’ll be around nine, i can bring you as an extra if you’d like.’ when he gives it back, you immediately feel bad, having to turn him down like this.

‘sorry peter, just remembered i’m going out with my boyfriend that night. its our anniversary, so sorry. would love to go, though!’ you give the note back with an empathetic smile. you can see that he feels a bit embarrassed, you hate it.

for the rest of the lecture he’s absolutely quiet, you can feel him eyeing you, some sort of feeling you couldn’t quite decipher.

as the teacher started to close up, he gave you a piece of paper.

“my number, if you ever need it. feel free to text.” he smiles at you, picking up his bag and leaving. maybe you should text, just maybe.

it was around half past eight when you realized something, your boyfriend wasn’t coming. in fact, he stood you up.

‘fuck you chris. this is it.’

well, you needed to text him something, maybe it was the heat of the moment, or just an impulsive thing. you only realized what you were doing when peter picked up.

“hello?” he said over the phone.

“hi peter, its y/n, is that invite still up?” in the past week, the two of you had been talking a lot, mostly texting. you met up in a starbucks twice to work on homework, but that was mostly it. sure, you’d developed a small crush, but you still had a boyfriend. but maybe that wasn’t the situation anymore.

“y-yeah, can i pick you up? is everything alright?”

“sure. ill be ready in five, see you soon.” you hang up, deciding it is go time, no matter what was going to happen after, this was your shot at it. maybe you could have some fun. he was always fun.

a few minutes later, you were locking you door as he waited for you to go with him.

“hope you didn’t have to cancel with anyone for this, sorry for the mast minute call.” you apologize, putting your keys in your purse.

“oh its fine dont worry, i wasn’t planning on bringin anyone else.” he smiled at you, while walking. you could tell he’d sprayed on some perfume and that his hair was still damp, you found it sweet he put effort in to getting ready for the night out. “what happened to your date with chris?” he questioned, almost puking the words out, he seemed nervous about it.

“oh, hm, i guess i got stood up. sorry, that makes you seem like a second option, but i truly wanted to go so i remembered and i dont want you to-“

“its alright, y/n. i get it, hes an asshole for standing you up like that.” he interrupted your blabbering.

“yeah, i guess he is.”

“what do you want? on me, please!” he says loudly, ao you could hear him through the music, he took a sip out of his beer, staring at you.

“just a shot! i hate the taste of beer, no offense though!”

“nome taken, sweetie.” he looks over your shoulder, and you can see a frown forming on his face. “you wanna go somewhere else? i dont feel like this’ll go well.” he says, his voice a bit lower now.

“what do you mean?” you say, so you turn around and you see him. chris. casually smoking, with a girl by his side and his free hand on her thigh. “seriously? fuck him.” you mutter, looking over at peter.

“no, its fine, dont worry about me.” you smile, the shots are delivered and you quickly take one. the taste of vodka and a bit of lemon going down your throat, burning hot. you can see through glances they have started to make out, he probably didnt notice you yet, so he’d come up with some excuse later.

but peter needed to make sure he did.

“hey, wanna go dance? fuck chris, lets have some fun, alright?” he said, taking you by the hand to the dance floor, with a dozen bodies moving to some song you didnt quite recognize. his breath hitched over your neck as you moved with him, your arms over his neck and your hips swaying to the beat. if you ever had a doubt he was into you, that was quickly offset by the way his eyes roamed your body. focused on every inch of you. god, he loved that dress.

“your boyfriends staring…” he whispered into your ear, nipping at it.

“oh, im sure hes not my boyfriend anymore. besides, we should put on a show for him, shouldn’t we?” you smile at him, turning around and starting to grind against him. you could hear him whisper curses, and you knew you both were in for one hell of a night. you could feel him grow through your dress, eager for more, but tonight, you were having the urge to tease him (more than you already were).

you never did that to piss off chris, you did it because you wanted peter. because peter parker was just perfect for you. maybe that was how you knew this wouldn’t ever be a one time thing. as the music was fading to its end, you turned to him, looking him in the eye.

for a moment there, you got lost in him. you forgot what you were about to say. his eyes had a bit of green in them, you had never realized that, maybe because you should’ve let yourself get lost in him before.

“y/n” he calls, pulling you from your thoughts.

“yeah?” and then you realize. he was staring back, and he was close. god, was he close.

“what the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” you are both quickly interrupted by chris, trying to push peter away from you, but he was faster, dodging him.

“id ask you the same, christian. you bailed on me, what’d you want me to do, huh? stay at the restaurant? waiting patiently for you to finish fucking some other girl, and eating appetizers? because that’s the ideal night! we’re over and you know it, leave me alone.”

“and so you cheat on me with this dick because i bailed on you once? really? fuck you y/n!” he says, screaming at you, his voice was louder than the music.

“i’m cheating on you?! I cheated on YOU? chris, for the past four months you’ve ditched 15 dates, a total of 5 dinners, two breakfast occasions and 8 lunches in the dining hall, honestly, where were you? why couldn’t you just send a fucking text? what? were you just too busy in bed with some other girl? because you sure as hell are missing tons of classes, there’s gotta be an answer right? fuck you chris. just leave me alone.” you scream back, if this was the last time he screamed at you, you sure as hell wouldn’t take it all in. he makes his usual, but more extreme, i want you to die face and walks away, slamming on to you purposefully as he walks.

in a matter of seconds you see peter punching chris, and you’re instantly shocked because you never saw peter as a guy who fights, and you were two times more shocked once you se chris falling to the ground.

god, was peter hot in that moment. he ran his hand through his hair.

“come on, lets get out of here.” he says, his eyes a bit darker now. and you were in, you were in for all of it.

“sorry, i know punching exes is more of a 5th date kind of thing.” he says, hissing as you put his dominant hand in a bucket of ice.

“i’m okay with it.” you said, leaning against the cold tiles of peter’s bathroom wall. after the ‘fight’ you needed to take care of him, and so you decided to kill two birds with one stone, going back to his place.

“just to clarify, i don’t usually get in to fights. ever. but i don’t know, him slamming in to you like that? god, y/n, he’s such an asshole.” peter said looking at the door to his room, seeing it quickly open and close, it was his roommate.

“can i talk to him for like 5 minutes tops?” he asks, his brows furrowed. you nod, smiling at him.

he leaves the bathroom, closing the door after him. you could hear him whisper to his friend.

“please, steven just leave for a few hours just do me a favor, man!”

“who do you have here? please don’t tell me its chris’s girl because he’ll kick your ass” there was a pause. “you are so dead.”

“they broke up, please let me try please!”

“i’ll sleep at carson’s, but i swear to god, if it goes bad for you i’m not covering for your ass.”

“fair enough! thank you thank you thank you!” you giggle at his excitement, so you hike your dress up, and continue sat on the bathroom floor, making sure he could see a glimpse of your underwear once he walked in.

peter was sweet and perfect for you, but you never imagined yourself in that situation, and to be fully honest, you were loving it.

when he walks in to the bathroom again, you try your hardest to not blush because damn it, all he said was “hi” and you’re 3 seconds away from taking off all of your clothes and kissing him.

he sits next to you, eyeing your thighs. he wonders if you were dressed up like that once you called him, or if you had changed to see him. he surely hoped that dress was for him, because he was so jealous of chris in that moment. every day he was jealous of chris, not because he felt inferior, because chris could see you like that. because chris could hear you moan his name. peter never wanted someone so bad in his entire life.

“it was just steven, you remember him right? from biochem?” you nod, staring at him for a while now.

“do you, uhm, need any more ice?” you ask, looking at his red knuckles, trying to focus on something else (which obviously doesn’t work).

“why’d you call me?” he asks abruptly.

“what?”

“why did you call me ?”

“because i could trust you, i guess, i don’t know.” you answer, feeling a bit ashamed.

“why’d you leave him? i mean, after all this time? you knew about all his bullshit didn’t you?”

“peter, once you just appeared back into my life i took it as a sign, i mean, staying with him was killing me. you know him, right? you went to school with him”

“yeah i did, but it just doesn’t make sense to me, what are we? i’m not just someone you can call when your boyfriend’s not around, i’m sorry to be rude but i’m not that guy, y/n, and if that’s what you’re looking for, i don’t want it.” “peter. i want you okay? you’re the only person i want, the only person i’ve wanted for a while now. he never loved me enough, hell, he never loved me. i don’t want him, i want you. please, just believe me in me, please.” you say quickly, trying to get all your feelings out, though they could never be translated to words, he stares at you, wondering what to do next. and so he kisses you.

it starts off as a soft thing, a delicate and sweet kiss. you part your lips, waiting for him to reciprocate. and so it turns into a passionate and messy kiss, your tongues intertwining and you could taste him, you could taste his minty breath. you could taste peter fucking parker. and with that, you don’t waste any time.

your hands drift off to his hair, tugging on it, kissing him desperately. you feel his hands roaming your waist, he starts kissing your neck, nipping at it, whispering onto your skin.

“you have no idea for how long i’ve wanted you, fuck…” he whispers, helping you up and bringing you towards his bed, hands on your ass and not stopping his kisses on your neck, he sits you on bed, his knee aiming towards the inside of your thighs, he takes his shirt off and his jeans had already fell to the carpet, you couldn’t help but smile, he was so pretty.

“i saw what you did there, don’t think i didn’t notice.” he says, referring to the was you looked in the bathroom.

“i have no idea what you’re talking about” you whisper through a moan, as he starts kissing your chest, pulling your dress down and unclipping your bra.

“don’t lie to me, you know better then that…” he says, looking at you with those eyes, he quickly starts sucking onto your left nipple.

while he works on your tits with his mouth, his right hand is headed towards your lace panties, only playing with the hem of it.

“that alright, princess?” you nod a yes in answer. “i wanna hear you say it.” “fuck, yes, its great, peter… please.” you answer in the midst of moans.

“good. do you like this? did you get what you wanted, huh?” he asks, kissing your thighs, everywhere but not where you most needed him, he was teasing you.

“y-yeah, i wanted you so bad, please.” you say, hands trailing off to his hair again, you could feel your panties getting wetter by the second, and he knew that too.

he takes them off slowly, teasing you more and more.

“so wet, all for me, baby?” peter asks, kissing the inside of your thighs, making sure to leave marks.

“ yes, pete, all for you, please…” you nod, desperately, needing him more and more.

“what’d you want, huh? tell me, y/n.” he asks, looking at you with doe eyes, spreading your legs for him to see more. he was loving to see you like this, he needed it again and again every day and it was only just beginning.

“i… i need you to touch me, please, taste me, please” you ask, feeling your face getting hotter, his hands roaming your waist, you can feel your stomach sink with need.

“that was all you needed to say, smart girl” he answers, licking a broad stripe from top to bottom, he tasted all he could. “you’re so pretty honey, so fucking pretty"

peter inserts a finger in, causing you to moan, you could feel his grin over your clit. sucking on to your bud, you couldn’t believe you’d spent all this time without this side of him. as he stretches you out, inserting another finger, you feel as if you touched heaven and came back. you had never felt this way, with anyone. it was him.

“fuck!” you moan as he brings a third finger into the equation, his mouth and hands working together, just for you.

“peter i’m so close please” and just with that, he stops, leaving you empty and eager for more. and just like that he’s on top of you again, kissing you eagerly, making you get a taste of yourself. his dominant hand on your neck, squeezing it softly, just enough.

“you’re so fucking hot” he whispers against your lips, you can feel his grin on your skin as he kisses your neck again, nipping and leaving marks all over. your pussy aching for him, you needed him inside you so so so bad.

“peter” you whisper, trying to get his attention, though he seems very entertained by your neck and how mane hickeys he could leave.

“yeah?” he immediately stops, looking at you, his brows furrowed.

“i need you inside me. i need your dick.” you say, getting more red, his lips swollen and pink, he looks beautiful. his hair messy, you wanted him so bad.

“yeah? you need my dick?” he asks, teasing you, a smirk forming itself on his face.

“please, peter. i need you so much” you say, nodding with your words. he looks at you with his eyes shiny. he takes himself out of his underwear, you’d already seen his bulge but you still were surprised. he starts aligning himself to your hole, tapping his tip on your clit, teasing you.

“so pretty like this, all for me” he says, slowly pushing in, “fuck…” he sighs, you moan trying to adjust to his size. he feels like heaven inside you. he starts thrusting lightly into you.

“harder… please i need you so bad, please, peter.” you say, looking at him over you with doe eyes, a smirk forms on his face, hearing you say those words.

“thats all you needed to say, princess.” he says, slamming into you quickly. You moan out unrecognizable words, a mix of “fuck” with “ohmygod” and “peter”. he was so fucking good, slamming into you, whispering curses, using his free hand to stimulate your clit. you were almost there, reaching your high, as you started to clench around him.

“no, don’t. not yet.” he says firmly, still pounding into you.

“please…” you ask, looking at him with those doe eyes again.

“no.” he answers again. “i want to cum with you.” he slams into you again, harder this time. picking up his pace, when suddenly his right hand is on your neck, squeezing it slightly.

“this okay?” he asks, you nod a yes. he’s pounding into you, you’re loving it. he has the power over you and you have to admit, you’re more turned on now than you ever were in your relationship with chris. you weren’t going to be able to hold back any longer, scratching his back with your nails, leaving marks all over.

“please, peter, i need to cum so bad please!” you beg, he looks at you with green eyes, brows furrowed.

"please princess, please cum for me." he says, his thumb not stopping at your clit, as you’re moving your hip with his. it takes no more than a few seconds until you're reaching your peak and moaning loudly. it's different from anything you've ever felt and you're trembling, moaning into peter's shoulder and leaving little crescent marks on his back from your nails. you could feel him twitch as you clench around him, his cum leaking inside you, carrying you through your high.

“fuck, so good all for me. my little slut.” he whispers while grunting and squeezing your neck more and mora tightly. your mouth forming an ‘O’ shape. God, was he good.

as soon as he finished, he dropped over you, his sweaty body coverings yours. you feel incredibly empty when he pulls out and lays beside you.

“you were so good.” he says, getting himself together and snuggling himself beside you. “i’ll clean you up in a bit, can we just stay like this a little?”

“sure.” you say, smiling, knowing it wouldn’t be a one time thing.

[fand0mswithbunny]

this is so different from the other posts i do but fuck it. descendants 4: rise of red review, spoilers ofc, we still boycott disney's ass, pirate this movie like uma and her crew ate the intro of this movie instead of watching this from disney+

keep reading if youve seen it or dont care about spoilers but tldr: if you havent seen it and see this as a spin off movie instead of a 4th installment, i say go watch it. its basically how i feel about the 2024 mean girls movie, im just here for certain characters, dynamics and songs, and a bit of the actual plot, its fun but definitely not for everyone, i liked parts of the movie/plots tho

okay honestly overall, despite the fucking terrible rushed ass ending, i still honestly enjoyed a lot of aspects of this movie.

songs, generally i liked. yeah its all pop-y but yk, none of them were unbearable, i loop red, whats my name (red vers.) and love aint it what about it

the editing was. a choice at times. like it will cut at the most random moments and when red was being transported and fell from that. pipe. thing in the castle it was so. disney channel editing core LIKE OKAY I KNOWW OFC IT IS but grahhhhhHH

the cg was good, direction was. also a choice at times. idk how to explain it but it felt like every scene was being directed like a music video and not like a MOVIE esp the lighting oh my god idk what it is but its so GLOWY AND WEIRDD

the characters themselves, i love the main cast, red, chloe, ella, bridget, etc. were all cool. IM A FIRM RED/CHLOE SHIPPER THEY ARE GIRLFRIENDS IDC and i also liked the dynamic they have with their past moms it was nice

oh yeah i dont mind how they wrote mal, evie, jay, and ben outta the story, i mean they gotta explain their absence yk. and i loved the carlos tribute, you can tell china was genuinely not acting in that tribute scene.

the vks were. okay. i dont mind that literally every villain/princess/disney protag goes to high school. this whole series basically feature length fanfiction anyway, idc personally about that. its weird URSULAS SISTER was the main antagonist. like i get having a completely new villain aside from the vks parents or something but. ursulas. sister??? besides you could tell me shes ursula and ill believe you.

its nice seeing filipino prince charming thats it thats all i gotta say RAHHH PHILIPPINES BABYYY 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 MY MANS GOT THAT 'PINO RIZZ OKAYYY

the plot was actually fun, but yeah I WISH WE COULDVE SEEN CASTLECOMING WE WERE ROBBED OF THAT i knew when red and chloe got the book there was like 10 minutes left in the film but cmonn we couldve had Morgie, I DONT KNOW somehow freeing the rest of the vks and them STEALING THE POCKETWATCH AND RED AND CHLOE HAVING TO GET IT BACK, GET ANOTHER 30 MINUTES IN THE FILM MAYBE, ANOTHER ACTION SEQUENCE, CASTLECOMING. but its finee im sure theres a fanfiction in the works somewhere that has that exact premise because thats what fanfic is for babyyyy

imagine. during the dance chloe and red are scrambling to find the watch, they see the vks, they find bridget crying because her best friend isnt there, she thinks ella bailed on her, they have to find the watch but, they gotta make her feel better right? red comforts her while chloe chases after them to find the watch, ella comes to the dance late after deciding, fuck my stepmom, get your hands dirty parallels, something something, the four of them all stopping the vks together, THEN they travel back.

i should just write a fix it fic for this movie at this point damnn i impressed myself

but yeah the ending does leave a lot of plot holes, if bridget didnt change from the past WHO DID, if Red even CONSIDERED a VK in this timeline? if not then WHO IS IT?? IS IT CHLOE?? its hella rushed, its ass, but i guess we'll find out in the 5th movie ig

also i thought they were totally setting it up for Ella to be the one that humiliated Bridget in the past, like the "I saw through her" in Love Ain't It we NEVER GOT ANY CLOSURE FROM THAT WHAT HAPPENED?? sighhh its okay its fine

i see this movie as a spin off movie rather than a 4th installment of the universe because it pretty much is, like its basically its OWN universe with the lack of the og cast and new characters. i unofficially coin it as the "Descendants: Redverse" because it just makes more sense

so many questions, mainly WHY, but yeah, still liked it, would rewatch. certain. parts of it. but honestly? a 7/10. leaning towards a 7.5

is this a recommendation? not sure, depending on who you are you could totally love this film or hate it, i say give it a chance and completely ignore the busted ass ending <3

anyways KENDRICKKK FANFIC WRITERSSSSSS- DROP SOME MORE CHARMINGHEARTS FANFICS/D4 FIX IT FICSSS. AND MY LIFE, IS YOURRSSSS

[wilders-girl]

Lifeline

Matthew Murdock x Gn! Reader

Angst, hurt (no comfort), one-sided but not rly, real shit :'(

Mentions of relationship and mental health struggles, mild cursing, unhealthy coping mechanisms, possible violence mentions

906 words (short one, sorry guys)

Wrote this like, a year or two ago, fw the idea so heavy I edited and revised it for 3 nights 🔥 shout-out to the 3 Matt murdock fans left 🗣 please enjoy 🩷

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

He wasn’t just hurt this time, he was sick.

The one thing worse than having a beaten body was being beaten up on the inside, too.

“I’m fine, really. You don’t have to go through all this work.” Matt sniffled.

All I could do was sigh and shake my head, continuing to whisk the rice to make the porridge come together quicker.

“It’s ready.” I spoke after tasting the seasoning.

I brought the bowl over to his crumpled body that lay on the couch.

“If you stay here, you’ll get sick too.” Matt complained.

“Yeah, but if I don’t, then you’ll go out and fight again.

“I’m just trying to help this city.”

“At your own expense?” My brows furrowed in frustration. “If you die, no one will be here to save this city. What then, Matt? When will it end?”

He sighed, coughing. I wasn't going to get through to him in this state.

“Eat.” I handed him the bowl.

—

We’d been friends for a while now, Matt and I. We met through Foggy. I was friends with Foggy because we both had the same class, and then Junior year, all three of us had the same classes. I always had a slight crush on Matt, but nothing ever came of it due in part to my cowardice and Matt's popularity with women. Foggy tried to get us together multiple times, bless his heart. It never seemed to work out, though. Especially after Elektra. I couldn't find it in me to hate her, but I did think she changed Matt for the worse. Who knows, though. Maybe he'd always been that way; self-sabotaging, conflicted, and broken.

Now, Matt lives in the same apartment complex as me. Law school didn’t end up working out for me, but I see him almost daily anyway. I found out his “little” secret shortly after he told Foggy, apparently. After some arguing about why the hell he'd do this to himself, he finally agreed to let me take care of him when he was hurt as a compromise.

“How is it?” I asked softly.

“It’s good.” He responded plainly. “Is there chicken in here?”

“Yep. It’s good for sick people, you know.”

“Thanks.” He smiled at me.

I knew he appreciated the things I did, whether he liked to admit it or not. He needed someone, and I was there for him. I wanted to be there for him in all the ways he needed, but I knew he wouldn’t want me like how I wanted him.

The thought had me staring out the window with an empty look on my face.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, slurping the rest of the porridge down.

There was no use lying to him.

“I’m overthinking.” I looked out the window at the rain again.

“About what?” He sniffed.

“It’s not important.” I replied, walking away to get a box of tissues for him.

He could never know how much I care about him.

I walked back, put the box on the table and sighed.

“I’m gonna go. If you need anything, just call. I’ll be there.”

“Because no matter what you do, I’ll still love you,” is what I wanted to say.

I grabbed my hoodie off the couch he sat on and turned to leave.

“Wait,” He called out as I was about to turn the doorknob. “Please. I want to know. I want to help you.”

“You can’t do that, Matt. You wouldn't understand. Plus, I’m here to help you, not the other way around.”

There was a suffocating silence for a couple seconds.

“Then help me understand. Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I think you already know.” I shook my head. “You and I both know it’ll never work out. I can’t be part of your world.”

“You don’t know that.” He mumbled.

“Yeah,” I nodded, tears pooling in my eyes. “I do.”

I gestured to his pathetic form on the couch. His skin littered with cuts, bruises, deeper gashes and welts; his breathing labored and ragged from illness.

“I think I know better than anyone else, Matt.”

He looked at me with despair in his sightless eyes.

I couldn’t bear to look any longer. Even if he wanted me, even if we tried to make things work, I knew it wouldn't end up well for one or either of us. He was the kind of man who didn't get a happy ending.

“Call if you need me.” I turned the rusty handle and left him.

I didn’t want a big white wedding, 3 kids and a white-picket fence life. I just wanted some stability. I wanted love– real love– love that lasted. The possibility of Matt dying any night he went out took that away, and it didn’t take long for me to figure out that it could happen any time.

The walk to my apartment was mindless. As I locked the door behind me, all I could do was let the tears fall. Maybe I’d go to Josie’s, take my chances at finding some piece of shit there, or let my mother find me a man to marry. Maybe finding love just wasn’t an option for me.

I walked to my bedroom and crawled into bed to try to sleep it away. At around 3:00 a.m. I got a text from Matt’s number.

“Can you come by? Bring gauze”

I guess he went out anyway.

⭑*•̩̩͙⊱••••✩••••̩̩͙⊰•*⭑

A/N: yall reading and writing this made me sad 😭 I wanted to write about the more realistic and depressing side of being with Matt, since I mostly like to imagine life is just peachy w him... Basically a slap to my own face and yalls too ig 💀

[mylahrins]

forget-me-nots, 05.

hi y/n,

i've been telling my mom about our letters, she seems to look forward to your responses as much as i do! today she went grocery shopping and there happened to be a really big sale on flower seeds. i'm not actually sure what kinds of flowers she bought, but she bought a lot for you. she wants to meet you someday! my little brother does too. if there's ever a time you can or want to, please come over for dinner! the seed packets should be in the envelope. i hope you're able to make some use of them!

speaking of seeds, i had some poppyseed muffins for breakfast this morning. i remember you mentioning liking muffins. my little brother has really been into baking (not so much cooking). he made a lot so ill bring you a small basket on monday, hopefully you'll be able to share with some of the gardening club members. if you'd like, i can bring you whatever my brother ends up baking, he always makes big bunches.

i've also been meaning to tell you that my coach wants to talk to you. he's that one sketchy looking guy that works at the convenience store near our school (don't tell him i said that). he's been asking about the flowers you arranged for kiyoko and wants to order some as well. if you can, please come by during practice when you're not busy!

take care, sugawara

about the flowers!

➤ poppies: i wasn't originally gonna do one of these, but i mentioned poppyseeds so i thought that i might as well! poppies overall have a lot of war symbolism. though they also hold meaning to things like death and sleep and peace. red, white, and black poppies especially tend to represent the fallen soldiers from past war efforts, most notably ww1. i found that purple poppies actually represent the fallen and hurt animals from war (which was really sad to learn!!). BUT!!! poppies aren't all about death and war. colors like pink can symbolize platonic love and sympathy while orange symbolizes good health and regeneration!

masterlist | next | back

a/n: hi guys sorry it took so long to update!!! im on vacation and away from home rn so the format might be a little weird. ill fix it once it get back!! also im pretty sure this is the first chapter update since i edited the "theme" of my fic.. what do you guys think??? is it cute? hehe ANYWAYS thanks for patiently waiting, i think this'll be the last chapter i write until i get back home though... family vacations and writing fanfiction doesn't really mix well LMAO but no promises! if i get bored maybe ill write the next chapter too!! ALSO IM SO SORRY IF YOU WEREN'T TAGGED IN PAST CHAPTERS!!! i just learned how to fix my tag system 😭😭 so im making sure to tag everyone correctly now </333

taglist: @yenonnoff @softpia @ryeyeyer @shoyosh @wqnsho @wyrcan @hisfuture @guitarstringed-scars @froyaoya @fiannee @02shuuu @miyamoratsumuu @walllflowerrrsss @ellizasworld @dearneverland @19calicos

taglist form

[sp0o0kylights]

 armed your words with explosive devices and put the trigger on your tongue.

I never know if a kiss will kill me. 

It's a joke. 

Or at least, Eddie meant it as one. 

He was flicking his hand out with the intention of pretending to "push" the weight off Steve's shoulders, following a joke about how he looks like he's carrying the whole world on his back.

Beyond the general air of a frazzled single mother, Harrington had been down to clown. He'd laughed at Eddie's first few jokes, even made a poor attempt at making one back.

So it surprised both of them when Steve flinches back, hard, sucking in a noisy breath.

For a moment he holds it in and Eddie mimics him, hand frozen midair. 

They breathe out almost together as Eddie slowly lowers his hand.

"Steve." Eddie starts off, voice soft. 

Steve jams his hand in his hair, face flushing red. "Sorry man, jock reflexes."

He catches the second Steve forces a smile back on his face, the way his desperate attempt at tugging on his own hair changes into a move designed to fluff it up. A laugh makes its way out of Steve’s mouth and to his credit, it sounds natural. 

This, Eddie realizes with an abrupt clarity, is Steve caught wrong-footed in public. This is Steve being off and fixing it before he breaks down. 

It’s a good cover, excellent even, and if Eddie hadn’t been watching for the signs, if he hadn’t started looking closer and closer at Harrington after finding him drunk and bloody in Tina’s bathtub, he might have brushed it off. 

Thought of it as Steve being a jerk, a jock, a guy who didn’t want to touch the filth that was Eddie Munson and was now trying to hide it.The same way so many others did, because they’d learned the hard way that a pissed off dealer won’t sell you any drugs. 

Eddie could even see him spinning this as having an off day. Maybe Steve was sore, maybe he was annoyed, maybe he was six other million things that he’d lead you to believe. 

Worse than knowing that he’d have bought Steve’s cover though, is that Eddie recognizes this. 

Has seen it before. 

Or micro versions of it. 

In class, when Steve’s asked a question he doesn’t know. In the hallways when someone tells a joke about his parents. In the parking lot when those kids snap at him, rolling their eyes and throwing their hands around.

Even the one basketball game Eddie attended, during his ill-fated attempt at joining the yearbook club before he finally started Hellfire. 

There had been a moment where Tommy had briefly turned on Steve, got some of the other boys to snap and snarl at the King in the face of a bad score. 

Called him stupid. 

Spineless and gutless. 

(Steve hadn’t even been the captain, back then.

 They held him responsible anyway.)

Eddie had thought it well deserved--even funny at the time-- considering what made up a man like Steve Harrington. 

Get big movie star hair, combine with no parents, and add tons of money. Shaken and stirred with little bits of never-ending popularity and girls swooning left and right over him, and you got Hawkin High’s most popular guy.

 Good to buy you whatever you needed, with a famously sharp tongue that he used in place of his fists. 

Grant still had nightmares over some of the names Steve had nailed him with. 

He was the school’s most desired bachelor until Nancy Wheeler took him down, proved even kings could be cheated out of their kingdoms. 

(One of the teenagers at the famed Starcourt fire, a hero in the papers for saving half a dozen kids. The pictures the news still occasionally shows often pin up those pictures of Steve, wearing this exact smile. 

It’s the same one he’s wearing now, as Starcourt burns in the background of each and every photo..)

The realization comes with a flood of knowledge--that Steve knows how to hide his issues, that he’s had issues for far longer than whatever--or whoever--is beating him up. 

Longer than Eddie himself had caught onto too--and Eddie had prided himself on seeing through people’s bullshit. 

If he does what Steve wants, let’s this drop, Steve will go on acting like everything’s fine. 

Just like everyone else does.

Eddie can’t do that. Has never been able to do that. 

"We both know that's bullshit." Eddie says, and he knew calling it out would get a reaction, but he’s not expecting the sheer strength of it. 

How Steve looks like he’s taken a punch, mask breaking fast on his face to reveal the hurt underneath. 

"Don't--" He tries to start, tries to breathe again and Eddie's not sure what caused it, but he knows the beginning of a panic attack when he sees one. “Don’t, please--” 

It’s the please that gets Eddie, the word sounding bruised. Like it hurts Steve to say it, that he only uses it as a hail mary that it may somehow help ward off whatever is coming. 

Eddie fights not to put his arms around Steve.

Protect him from whatever the hell is happening. 

"Hey." Eddie says, softly but clearly. "I’m sorry. Tell me what I did and I won’t do it again.” 

They’re in the middle of the school parking lot and neither of them can afford to misstep here. Not in a town like Hawkins. Eddie has a choice to make--to sweep Steve to somewhere safer, or to give space, back off so the younger man can regain control of himself and pick this up later. 

Steve takes a shuddering breath, hugs himself and bows his head. 

Eddie wants to go to him, to touch and comfort, but instead just hovers ever so slightly closer. “I’m here.” He whispers, just loud enough for Steve to hear. 

Steve takes the moment he needs, and Eddie knows he can at least give him that. Shield him from any onlookers with his own body. Use himself as a distraction if anyone comes up. 

His cheeks are wet when Steve raises his head. He wipes his face, bites his lip. 

It takes far less time for him to return to normal than Eddie would have ever thought, but then Steve Harrington keeps surprising him. 

“Shit.” He says, voice in a sort of croak. He clears his throat once, harshly. “Sorry.”

“I set you off, this ones on me.” Eddie says, keeping his voice smooth and calm. “I don’t want to push you, but I need to know what I said to upset you, so I can prevent it from happening again as best I can.” 

Steve looks up for a moment, away from him. Eddie allows it, acknowledges the move as Steve gathers the strength to face whatever hurt him enough to send him spiraling. This isn’t an easy thing he’s asking, and they’re in the worst place to do it--a potential audience can appear at any time. 

Eddie doesn’t want to lose this thread, though. Knows instinctively, how important it is. 

“It’s stupid.” Steve’s struggling to sound more normal, but the real surprise is that he’s starting to manage it. “It’s so stupid, but it’s--the word.” 

Short-term memory recall isn’t exactly a talent of his, but Eddie’s had plenty of practice with D&D. He runs the conversation back, and there’s really only one option that makes any sense. He almost says it again, but catches himself.

Thinks quickly on his feet. 

“Adult male cow crap?” He says, and tries to make his tone a little light. This is a calculated risk, Steve may very well believe he’s being mocked or teased.

The younger man snorts a laugh and thankfully doesn’t appear to take offense. “Yeah.” He drawls out, a tinge of embarrassment flushing across his nose.

It’s fucking adorable, and Eddie has to bite his lip to keep interrupting, inappropriate thoughts at bay. 

“Nance--when we--” Steve huffs an annoyed sigh, arms having shifted long ago to more of a defensive cross, nails digging into his sleeves while he taps his foot, aggravated. “It’s fucking stupid man, but that word got tossed around.” 

“Got it.” Eddie nods his head. “It’s gone.” 

“You shouldn’t have to do that.” Steve says, and it's got an angry undertone to it. “I need to get over it anyway. It’s been long enough.” 

The anger, Eddie decides, is self directed. 

He cocks his head. “Do people tell you to do that a lot? To just get over it?” 

Steve finally looks at him and to his credit the guy’s managed to go from actively falling apart to merely appearing cold and annoyed, as if the redness in his face itself is trying to help hide his emotions. 

That hurt thing flickers in and out of his eyes though, covered by an edge of something else, something stubborn. 

Yet again, Eddie finds himself wondering if he’s found Steve’s limit. If this is when he finally gets pushed away and threatened over all the things that have been revealed to him. Steve hasn’t made that move yet, but Eddie thinks that's mostly because Eddie keeps catching him off guard. 

To be fair, his own reactions are, at times, catching him off guard. This defensiveness of Steve, the way he wants to go slam whoever has hurt the younger man into a wall, to try and make everything better for a guy he previously hated…

Eddie knows what’s gotten into him. It’s his own personality, combined with his own inner sense of someone lost and hurting. Someone who needs to be rescued. 

He just never expected to have it pointed at Harrington. 

“Maybe.” Steve admits finally. “Doesn’t mean they’re wrong though.” 

Eddie can’t help himself. It’s a puzzle in front of him, dangled in the form of Steve and his weird injuries. Steve and his odd reactions. 

Beautiful, gorgeous, straight Steve Harrington, who once pressed his cheek into Eddie’s hands and closed his eyes like he’d found a slice of heaven. 

“Why?” Eddie challenges. He’s still close. Close enough that they’re going to have to pretend to be fighting if anyone else starts making noise. Eddie’s lost track of time entirely, can’t recall what period this is. Where he’s even supposed to be.

Hell, he never even asked why Steve was here. 

Steve’s mouth opens and closes, like he had an answer but suddenly thought better of it. 

He’s still tapping his foot. 

“Why would they be wrong? ” And at first Eddie thinks Steve is turning the challenge back on him, until he clocks the confused crinkle in his forehead, right between his eyebrows. 

Like a dog who just wants to be a good boy, and doesn’t understand why he’s being shouted at. 

‘Eddie, for once in your fucking life, focus!’ He thinks furiously at himself. 

“Because it hurts you. Because all of us “get over” things in different ways, at different paces.” He makes the quotes with his fingers, putting on a fun voice just to try and make even a small smile appear on Steve’s face.

It works, and Eddie grins despite himself and the seriousness of the moment. 

“Doesn’t matter how stupid it is, Steve-O. Our brains don’t care.” He knocks on his own to make his point. 

“I guess.” Steve says, and it’s not an agreement but Eddie will take it. 

Will take anything Steve will give him, which just shows how badly he’s screwing himself.

Straight boys, even ones wrapped up in some kind of mystery and sprinkled with dozens of other things that catch Eddie’s attention like Steve’s his own personal brand of crack, typically don’t mean anything good for him.

This time, he just hopes it can mean something good for Steve.

Eddie might not know much, but he knows Steve deserves something good.

[yccoffeesimp]

𝑊𝒉𝑦 𝐷𝑖𝑑 𝐼 𝑠𝑎𝑦 𝑂𝑘𝑖𝑒 𝐷𝑜𝑘𝑖𝑒? | ??? 𝑋 𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟

Prolouge:

Warnings: Disturbing Contents Blood/Gore/Obsessiveness/Manipulation/Mentions of suicide/Knives/Violence/mentions of mental illnesses (like depression)/Dan Heng & Blade being in the same atmosphere/Character Deaths/Gaslighting

Please if you are triggered by any of this. Consider not reading.

"Y/n! Wait up!" You heard a familiar voice from behind you. Turning your head, you saw your childhood, and only best friend, Gepard running towards you. For the past year , he's been sleeping in and making you wait for him every morning. At first you didn't have a problem with it until he started sleeping in way too much which nearly caused you to arrive to school late. You weren't dealing with angry teachers for your tardiness so you left without waiting for him.

The blondie finally caught up with you when you finally stopped at the cross walk. "You-You really gotten faster." He breathlessly said as you placed your hands on your hip.

→ "Maybe don't sleep in next time."

You say. The blonde stood up straight, nervously scratching the back of his head. "Apologies Y/n," he said,"I'll try not to keep you waiting."

→ "It's fine. I guess."

You said. Gepard smiled shortly at you before he looked to come to a sudden realization. "Oh Y/n! I almost forgot. Have you decided what club you want to be in for this year?" He asked.

You froze. It dawned on you that you promised Gepard to join a club this year, and you entirely forgot."Y/n? Don't tell me you're planning not to join one."

→ "Uhhhh- I was totally planning to join one. Just not now?"

You explained. You heard the blonde sighed, crossing his arms and shaking his head. "Y/n, you promised to join one this year. How can you get any friends when you constantly are playing on your phone ,and refusing to socialize?" He said, you rolled your eyes.

→ "Says you." You say. Gepard looked shocked and yet slightly red. "Well- I'm trying too and plus I've been able to make more friends ." He said.

→ "Uh huh, yeah sure. Say that when you have other people to sit with at lunch."

Gepard sighed. "Look, will you at least actually try to? Your happiness matters to me Y/n. I don't want to see you alone, and plus I want you to have others around you when I can't be." He said, causing you to sigh.

→ "Fine, I'll actually try. But I can't promise that I'll join one."

Gepard smiled. "I'm glad you're at least trying."

You felt a smile on your face. Seeing Gepard happy, made you feel happy too. He's been stressed with school and home so to put a smile on his face and his mind at ease was something you were proud and happy about.The nice moment was ruined of course when in the distance you both heard the school bell ring. Both of your eyes widened before immediately dashing towards the gate. Out of breath as you both managed to get to school before the gate closed. "I guess see you at lunch?" Gepard asked, wiping off a bit of sweat from his forehead. You nodded.You both waved bye before heading your separate ways.

-X -

The end of class bell rang as the day flew by. You were sitting at the back of the class of Bio when it rang. 'I should probably start looking at clubs now. *Ugh*I might as well start with the gaming club.' You were spacing out when you felt a tap on your shoulder. Instinctively you immediately went to hit whatever it was until you saw a familiar blonde with blue eyes male.

→ "Hey Gepard."

You said, relaxing a bit. "Hey Y/n, sorry to disturb you but I was gonna meet you outside but I saw you in here doing nothing alone." You looked around, seeing that you were the only one there, heck even the teacher was gone.

→" Oh-"

"So have you taken into consideration what club you wanted to join?" Gepard asked, helping you get your stuff.

→ "Not yet."

You lied, you were thinking about joining the gaming club. It was fun and would be less boring plus you don't think anyone would bother you anyways. It would more than likely be filled with introverts and nothing more but gaming challenges etc. "Then how about you join my club?" He smiled.

→ " Your club? What is your club even about?"

"Well it's the literature club-"

→"No."

You said with no hesitation. "Come on, it isn't that bad plus..." Gepard seemed nervous.

→ "Plus what?"

"I kind of promised everyone that I'd bring a new member.." He said, rubbing the back of his neck. Right then and there you wanted to facepalm yourself.

→ " That's a personal problem."

Gepard rolled his eyes.

"Come on, please Y/n. You don't have to join- Just at least give it a chance." He said, looking at you desperately. "Dan Heng already made tea and a tray of desserts for this." He continued.You looked at him at the mention of food and tea.

→ "Fine, I'll go see your club."

Gepard's face lit up. "Wait- Really?" He asked. You nodded. He smiled brightly the entire way you both went up to the fourth floor of the school.It was primarily used for storage and club activities, plus the teacher's lounge was located here too. You both walked until you reached the end of the hallway to which Gepard stopped at the room to the left. He looked back at you, probably checking to see if you were ready, before opening the doors.

The classroom had three bookshelves filled with many genres and a back closet. It seems to have 20 desks, a teacher's podium in the front with a whiteboard on the wall with a reminder. 'Festival is happening soon!' You were too busy looking around the room to pay any attention to the three insanely attractive men in front of you before Gepard spoke.

"Hey guys, I brought the new member!" He announced. Your head snapped at him.

→ "Don't call me the new member."

You muttered.

"Welcome to the club." You heard a voice say, you turned to see a black haired male with cameo blue eyes and two translucent turquoise horns. "Mhm..." Another black haired male hummed, the ends of his hair faded to a tint of red and his eyes were an orange red.

"Everyone, I want you to meet my friend, Y/n." Gepard said. "It's lovely to see you again." A familiar voice said. Immediately you turned to see the one and only perfect student, Jing Yuan warmly smiling at you. "Y/n meet Dan Heng, Blade, and I assume you already know Jing Yuan?" Gepard said, introducing everyone. Jing Yuan nodded."We are fairly acquainted already." He chuckled.

→ " We both had Mr. Svarog for homeroom last year right?"

You asked. "Indeed. I'm glad to see you taking interest in the Literature club.""I am as well, I'm Dan Heng by the way." Dan Heng said. The one you assumed to be Blade didn't say anything but simply stared at you. Then there was a high pitch whistle as Dan Heng immediately went to go get the tea.

"Please take a seat at the table Y/n." Gepard smiled. At the near back there was a table with four chairs. Blade then moved an extra chair before Gepard could and motioned for you to sit.You sat down beside Gepard as Dan Heng set tea cups in front of you all, pouring the perfect amount of tea with Blade setting down a tray of sweets and pastries.

-x-

"So tell me Y/n, what made you want to join our club?" Blade asked, obviously glaring at you. You glanced at Gepard, you already knew that if you told the truth he'd be in trouble so you came up with the only excuse you had.

-> "Well I was looking for something to occupy my mind for a while and Gepard seemed to enjoy this club so I wanted to give it a shot."

You lied, putting on the fakest smile you could. "Well I'm glad you decided to join us." Jing Yuan smiles at you again. You felt your face slightly heat up. Having one of the most attractive and popular boys smile at you so warmly and genuinely made you feel some time of way.

"It's nice to see you join, we've been trying to get others to join as well but they won't give it a chance." Jing Yuan said as Blade nodded. "I made this club with the intention of having others show and have their love for literature grow, to be able to express ourselves if that's easier to put it."

"Our goal is to make the Literature club popular before we graduate next year. "Mhm." Dan Heng hummed, taking a sip of the tea. Gepard nodded alongside Blade.Dang these guys seem to be serious about this club. "So what books do you read anyways?" Blade asked, still glaring at you.

→"Well I don't read a lot but the few I have were fantasy or adventure fiction, but a lot was fanfiction."

Dan Heng's head perked a bit at the topic but he didn't say anything.

→ "What about you Blade?"

Blade kept quiet before Jing Yuan spoke."He reads horror novels and books a lot. Some vampire ones too from the books I've seen him read once or twice." Immediately Blade glared at Jing Yuan, obviously not liking how he spoke for him. It was obvious from the moment you met Blade, he was a loner and probably someone who causes fights easily, yet to see someone with that kind of attitude about them read was kind of cute in a way.

"Oh- Dan Heng, I forgot to mention earlier but at the last meeting you seemed to forget your notebook." Jing Yuan spoke, before sliding a notebook with maple leaves on it to Dan Heng.

"Thank you Jing Yuan.." he said. "Isn't that the notebook you were writing that novel of yours in?" Gepard asked, Dan Heng nodded. "It's still a working progress.."He explained. "Really? I thought by now after 6 months it would be at least done by now." Gepard said.

→ "You write your own novels?" You ask Dan Heng. He nodded.

→ "That's quite impressive, not gonna lie." Dan Heng slightly smiles. "Perhaps one day you can share it with the rest of us." Gepard said. "Speaking of writings, Blade, don't you write as well?" Jing Yuan asks him.

"No-" Blade was cut off by Gepard.

" But I saw you writing-"

"Shut up." Blade snapped at him. "Seems that we have to give you some confidence. Say this gives me an idea." Jing Yuan said.The three of you looked at him expectively. "Tonight we go home and write a short story and at the next meeting, we read them aloud. Plus since we have a new member now, it would give us a chance to learn more about each other." Jing Yuan said.

→ "Actually about that- I never said I was joining. I might've come to see it but I still have other clubs to- Uhh."

You froze, seeing the four boys slightly sad and rather disappointed faces. "I see, apologies for assuming you were joining." Dan Heng said. Blade was still glaring at you but more intensely. "Well- This is rather unfortunate but I do hope we can one day welcome you as a new member some day." Jing Yuan said, the disappointment in his voice was clear. "Y/n.." Gepard looked at you with a solemn expression, he was obviously hoping you'd actually join.

You felt a sting of guilt and shame as you sighed. Today is the day you sell your soul just to see some hot dudes who read and tea.

→ "I've decided... I'm joining."

Their faces immediately lit up as Gepard pulled you into a tight hug. "Thank you y/n." He whispered before pulling away. "Well then welcome to the Literature club, Y/n l/n. Alright everyone, I think today's meeting can end on a good note."

After that you walked home...Unaware of the new surprises you'll now face...⁠♡

[yuzurujenn]

[2024.05.15] Ice Jewels vol. 19 - 56 Q&A with Yuzuru Hanyu

Q: Do you still remember the first time you stepped on the ice? What was it like to take those first steps? A: I don’t remember. I have basically no memory of it.

Q: When you started skating, did you have any fear of falling and did you remember the pain? A: Although I don’t remember feeling pain from falling down, I do remember the fear of the teacher (laughs).

Q: Why do you want to learn figure skating? A: Because my sister started learning, I wanted to follow her. I felt like I wanted to do the same thing as her.

Q: When you could do all kinds of jumps, what was your best jump? A: I don’t remember much. Although it feels like the double jump is closer, 1A is what I’m better at.

Q: How old were you when you succeeded 2A? A: I think I was 9 years old.

Q: What are your memories of your first competition? A: I can’t remember much. Anyway, it was like what I saw in the videos, I was focused in my own world.

Q: What are your memories of your first international competition? A: I was the youngest, but I completely refused to admit defeat and ended up winning the tournament.

Q: Were you nervous about competing as a child? A: I was nervous to a certain extent. I still wanted to give a good performance because I didn't want to be scolded. But other than that, I had a strong feeling of excitement to be able to get people to look at me.

Q: When you were a child, was there anyone in your life that you wanted to be praised by? A: Teacher, right? I think so. And then there’s also family.

Q: When was the first time you chose your own song? Why did you choose it? A: "Ultraman!". I just simply liked it (laughs). I often come home from school humming (Ultraman song) by myself.

Q: After turning professional, what are the criteria for selecting songs? Intuition? A: For example, I will consider whether there is an image that comes to mind when I listen to it, whether it is necessary for my skating, and whether what I want to perform exists there. But there are also times when I decide to skate to this piece of music based on my intuition.

Q: Is there any difference in the difficulty level of skating between vocal and instrumental music? A: It doesn't matter which one, there is no change in the music. So there is no difference. I will consider whether the nature of the music is suitable for figure skating.

Q: When you were a kid, what did you find most painful about continuing to skate? (getting up early, not having time to play, cold, etc.) A: I used to think that I wanted to play, but the most painful thing was that the teacher was really scary. Also, it’s painful when I tried hard but didn’t get results.

Q: Now that you have turned professional, what is the most difficult part of your daily practice and management of physical condition? A: Adjusting the amount of practice and training intensity. It’s not like practice for free skating or anything like that, now I have to practice a lot of programs. If I want to master all of them, I will be overworked, and although I can recover my body in time, it is very difficult to achieve the goal of being more efficient and having a manageable amount of training.

Q: Other than illness and injury, what's the longest consecutive days of rest you've had so far? A: I think the longest is 4 consecutive days off. (Except when there was an earthquake and when there was too much work.)

Q: Looking back on your career as a competitor, which performance was the most satisfying? A: 2020’s 4CC short program and Jnats free skate.

Q: For Hanyu-san, what is the biggest attraction of figure skating? A: I think the range of performance through the integration with the music that can only be done on the ice, and the feeling of tension and heightened emotions that can only be achieved precisely because of reaching the limits of physical strength and technique.

Q: Is the tension different between the competition and the ice show? A: No change. Maybe it's better to say that the ice show is more intense. It's because I have to skate without 6 mins practice, and feeling the tension of not being able to create the perfect feeling as on land, and having the responsibility to deliver it.

Q: What do you like about being a professional figure skater and what do you find difficult? A: I feel happy to continue the challenge of including what I want to express with my technique, and to create it together with people who are serious about creating. To fully create something, it is necessary to perform accordingly. And I think it is very difficult because I have to exceed everyone's expectations every time.

Q: What is the thing you cherish most about being a professional skater? (attitude, words, actions, etc.) A: Teamwork, I guess. I can’t do it alone, and it’s only because of everyone that I can accomplish it, and I cherish that very much. I'm going to do my best to make everyone feel happy to work with Hanyu.

Q: What has changed the most since you became a professional skater? (Things you have experienced) What else have you started doing? (performing, including privately) A: As expected, I have started to devote myself to (physical fitness) training. I think it has changed a lot recently. I can also truly feel that I still have great potential.

Q: What is the end goal of being a professional skater? A: There is no goal or end point. I just want to give the best performance every time. How long and whether the ice story will continue, I don't know. I just kept thinking about putting my soul into performing every time.

Q: After the second Notte Stellata, tell me your thoughts about Sendai again. A I skated with the idea that I can feel more hopeful than last year and be able to give hope. Even after 13 years, there are still people with painful thoughts. I think it would be nice to get closer to those people.

Q: Is there a sport you want to try? A: Ski jumping. Archery.

Q: Do you prefer the sea? Or the mountain? A: I like mountains. Although I don’t want to encounter bugs (get bitten), I love to enjoy the scenery and feel a sense of accomplishment from climbing a difficult mountain.

Q: What is your favourite event in the sports day? A: Tamaire. I love throwing balls.

Q: You don’t want to lose even in sports day? A: Should I say that I refuse to admit defeat? I’ve never done anything that I didn’t give it my all. But I have a deep memory of being very motivated and wanting to take first place in the jumping event.

Q: What's your favourite thing lately? A: Exploring music that I like with cheap headphones (between 1,000 and 5,000 yen), which I bought by chance, is something that has been making me happy recently.

Q: Regarding the games you often play recently. (such as a favourite place) A: パワフルプロ野球 栄冠ナイン クロスロード Powerful Pro Baseball Eikan Nine Crossroad (note: a baseball-related mobile game) Because it takes a lot of time, I can’t play it often. Also, I bought the Reload version of Persona 3 and wanted to play it asap. I also want to go into the ancient cave in Lufia II (laughs).

Q: What made you start playing games? A: There may be influences from my sister, cousins, and grandparents. Before I knew it, I started enjoying games.

Q: What do you do on your days off? Do you watch dramas or movies? A: Get plenty of rest, stretching and training. But I also watch live game commentary and cooking videos on Nico Nico Douga.

Q: Which one do you dislike more, cold or hot? A: It must be hot. Because I sweat a lot. If it's cold, just wear more clothes and you'll be able to get through it. But if possible, it is better to have a suitable temperature. . . If it's too cold, your movements will be sluggish.

Q: Do you sing in the shower? A: Although I want to sing, I won’t as it disturbs others (laughs)

Q: Compared with electronics (high technology, tablet computers, etc.), do you still think that things like ancient analog integrated circuits are better (Note: questions about old-fashioned lifestyle) A: Like notes, I still use paper and pen when writing stories.

Q: Do you have any hobbies or habits that you think, "This is an occupational disease"? A: I started doing imagery training suddenly. Even if I watch any video, I will suddenly get into the mood to dance and do choreography.

Q: How would you compare yourself to an animal? A: Cat? But there are people said I’m like a dog.

Q: Do you find any person that you think is cool? (Even if there is no specific person, regardless of gender, you just think that person is so cool) A: People who can conscientiously do what they decide. Do it completely seriously. Someone who can become serious for someone.

Q: What is your favourite bento dish? A: Fried chicken (karaage). I like it even if it's frozen.

Q: What is your favourite dish in school meals? A: Milk, Reito Mikan (frozen orange), gyoza. ** Reito Mikan- Mikans are a winter fruit, so most Japanese historically would peel and eat them sitting around a kotatsu. However, to get them to last until the summer, they would be frozen and stored to be enjoyed later half-frozen, like the world's easiest sorbet.

Q: How about eating fried potato and beef patties? Dip or soy sauce? A: Dip!

Q: When eating tamagoyaki, do you put a lot of sugar in it, or do you make an egg roll without sugar? A: It’s more delicious if you add more sugar.

Q: Favourite ice cream flavour. A: Vanilla, mint chocolate, chocolate chip cookie, strawberry.

Q: What do you dip into your favourite gyoza? (What is the golden ratio between soy sauce and vinegar?) A: Ponzu sauce. Instead of vinegar and soy sauce, it’s ponzu sauce and chili oil.

Q: What do you want to eat for the last supper? A: Delicious zunda mochi. And gyoza (laughs).

Q: How do you overcome temptation when restricting your diet? A: Willpower. Because it’s more painful to feel guilty. Another thing is to use things that are good for the body. "If you use this, it will still be okay (diet). I can endure it by relying on this."

Q: How many hours of sleep do you usually need? How many hours would you ideally like? A: The ideal is more than 8 hours. But because there are many times when I can’t fall asleep, so the actual hour varies. There are times I couldn't sleep for 4 hours, but I could sleep for about 10 hours the next day. However, before the official competition (or ice performance), I will try my best to get as close to 8 hours of sleep as possible.

Q: Are you the type of person who can fall asleep easily anywhere? A: I’m the type who can’t sleep anywhere or anytime. Although I try very hard to do various things, but when I can’t sleep, I really can't sleep at all.

Q: Do you listen to music when you study or do some work that requires concentration? Or would it be better to be in a silent environment? A: It depends on what I am doing. It would be difficult without music when creating. For example, when learning, I want to listen to music until I get into the mood, but there are times when I want to stop halfway. But basically, I often work while playing music videos in order to concentrate.

Q: What is your mantra? Yoisho? (laughs) A: よいしょ(Yoisho). よし(Yoshi)。よっしゃ(Yossha)。えっと(etto)。だから(dakara). I feel like I’ve been using them more frequently these days.

Q: Is there anything you would like to learn, master, or try as a hobby? A: I want to learn bioethics again. Still a bit uncomfortable with reading, I can't do it no matter what. So I want to learn. There is also the desire to try specialized programming languages. I learned a little bit about Python when I was doing my graduation thesis, so I still want to learn it properly.

Q: If you are not a figure skater, what kind of job would you like to have? A: Anything is fine. Whether I am engaged in sports or choose a path of study, I will probably go all out. Even if I am not adaptable to it, I think I will want to work hard to reach the top to some extent.

Q: What advice would you give to someone who wants to learn figure skating as an adult? A: Because everyone is different, it will be difficult, but once you have the speed, skating will be more stable. And there is only the accumulation of time! But even if you’re not skating, if you do some imagery training in advance, it’s better than nothing, I think it will be overwhelmingly smooth in terms of efficiency. When I was a child, I relied on my feelings, but as I grew up, knowledge becomes more dominant than my feelings. But because this is human nature, use knowledge to become stronger!

Q: Please give some advice on how to enjoy an ice show. A: As long as that person enjoys it, I think that's okay. But I also want the surrounding people to enjoy it, so if they observe the unspoken rules, everyone will be happy, and then it will be easier for me to skate and I will be happy too, I think we can create a positive cycle like this.

Q: At the finale of the ice show, can you clearly see the faces of the fans and the banners? A: I can see it! It all depends on the lighting, but at the end of the RE_PRAY tour, they were shining lights on the audience, so it looked really beautiful. Thank you!

Q: Please say a few words to the fans. A: I will work hard every day to make everyone feel that no matter what happens or what state they are in, it is great to come and see my ice performance. I will practice hard every day and I will work hard for my performance. I hope everyone will be happy and healthy!

Q: Now that you are 29 years old, what would you say to your 9-year-old self? A: Although twenty years have passed, I’m doing better than you (おまえよりうまいよ). But it’s thanks to you that I’m here now. I will work harder.

Source: https://weibo.com/ttarticle/p/show?id=2309405034343457489072 Info: https://www.kazi.co.jp/icejewels/backnumber/vol19/vo19.html

[deaddee-anime-brownfanlady]

Having read and reread the Lackadaisy comic more then once and looking through the Wiki on the different events. Mostly on Rocky and the familial tensions surrounding the McMurray household and why Rocky got the boot?

So the year 1921 was a big event of change. In which Rocky was kicked out at 16-years-old and within that same year Freckle dad died. It leaves me to wonder was this one of the " Family Tragedies " that Rocky mentioned in the chapter ' Breakdown ' I know that he was mostly delirious talking about his mom Sophie who was severely sick at the time and how his father was "working on the railroad~" most of the time which explains why Rocky spent a good half of his childhood at the McMurray house and was raised along side Freckle. But reading the lines and seeing some of the interactions between Rocky & Freckle, there's obvious some underlying issues and unresolved problems between the two cousins. Whatever happened between the two that Rocky took the blame for.

Closely looking through the many letters Rocky sent Freckle during his time on his own and going through different jobs after another, one of them that stands out specifically. Is Rocky asking for the whereabouts of his father, bits of it mentioning his dad haven't written back to him in awhile. ( Seriously need to know more about Rocky Pop's Ransom) In the present timeline of the comic it apparent that his mom passed away. But what about dear Ol Dad, is he also dead? Or did the man just took off after the death of his wife and left his son behind in the progress because he didn't want to deal with Rocky eccentricities. I know the series is still on hatius, but so far Rocky dad sounds like a major dick.

Of the many letters that Rocky has to sent Freckle before he ended up back in St. Louis again has a few words within it that is missing. One of them seems to mention a "Birthday" perhaps wishing Freckle a happy birthday but also one of the words from the letter that stands out to me is the " Your Fault " line the most. I got a feeling this could be connected to whatsoever went down between Freckle and Rocky that lead to Rocky getting kicked out in the first place. From the bits of missing words in the letter it sounds like Rocky is either telling Freckle that " it isn't all your fault anyway " or he's telling him that its " All your fault anyway ". It's hard to tell what Rocky might have actual meant in his 1923 letter, but from what I gather at it is that maybe he was wishing Freckle a good birthday and went a bit on some sort of one-off small tangent about whose really at fault for what take place at the McMurray house and what lead up to Aunt Nina finally having enough of Rocky and kicking him out of her home and her likely thinking he's a bad influence on her sweet boy and not wanting him around Freckle any longer especially when it came to his schooling.

I swear the more you look more in-depth when it comes to Rocky and aspects of his past, including him basically having been on his own since he was sixteen and been hopping from one odd job to the next as well as going from one place to another until he ends up back in St. Louis again later on is pretty real sad when you think about it. I feel like its very much deeply explains why Rocky tries so freaking hard at the Lackadaisy speakeasy when it comes to him taking on the bootlegging side of things of the business and wanting to prove himself useful to Mitzi and all. After everything he's been through thus far it makes sense.

Also the still up in the air question mark of whatever mess that happened in 1921 besides Freckle loss of his father, or when it comes to his mom illness that Rocky blames himself for and took the fall for something that happened in place of Freckle.

Whatever might happens in the next future chapters of Lackadaisy especially on the familial tensions that still lingers with Rocky and his relationship between both his cousin and his Auntie, which leaves me to wonders is how long will it take for Aunt Nina to eventually sense and finds out what her son and her 0ff-beat goofball of a nephew is truly doing for a " Job ."

How long before things between these rum-running cousin danger duo goes south? Especially when it come to Rocky on his part because I feel things for him might slowly take a turn for the worse again unfortunately.

[muikitoo]

Sooooooooooooo...

so...

Are you still taking requests?...

Idk what you are comfortable with doing or not... But if you are ok with it, could you do a Rise Leo x Reader anxiety attack?

*Nervous anime sweat drops 👉👈*

Like, maybe the Reader has been masking emotions all day and when Leo comes over they break down or catches them mid break down... Or something like that...?

Thank you!

*Runs away-*

Anxiety attack

Leo x gn! s/o who is having an anxiety attack.

Warnings

Anxiety attack, but the rest is fluff and comfort.

A/N:

I was actually pretty excited to write this. I hope it turned out well enough

- When he finds u in the middle of an anxiety attack, he panics. A lot.

- Quickly goes and gets you some water.

- He tries to calm you down, without necessary touching you or doing anything that could possibly trigger you more.

- breathing exercises/techniques

- after youve calmed down a little he tries to use reassuring words and hugs u gently(only if u let him).

- "Its okay. Youre safe now, i promise."

- it rally hurts him to see you like that, he loves you more than anything.

- After some time he'll ask to talk to you about what happened, if you dont wana talk abt it then he'll try and distract u/make u feel better (movies, games, cuddles, ect) and then talk about it whenever you need

Leo decided to visit you, worried. You hadn't texted or called him in a while. He thought you were just busy bc of school and that you'd visit the lair after your classes ended, but you never did.

Once he entered your apartment/house - it was awfully quiet. He felt his heart start to race, thinking about everything that couldve possibly happened. "Y/n? Hermosa? You home?" He said nervously. He was afraid, which he usually masks well, but this time he couldnt even think of that. He needed to make sure youre okay. The more he got closer to your room, the more he could hear faint sobs. He entered your room and saw you on the floor, shaking.

"Y/n!" He was quick to be by your side. He was confused and didnt want to touch you or do anything triggering. He quickly ran to the kitchen to grab you some water. He helped you drink some and then set the cup down somewhere and then turned his attention back to you. "Breathe, love. Breathe." He made you look at him as he told you to follow his instructions, breathing slowly - in and out.

"hey, do you mind if i hold you for a little while?" He asked after youve calmed down a bit. After getting your approval, he slightly scooted towards you and gently layed your head on his plastron, wrapping his arms around you. "Do you mind telling me what happened? Or do you want to talk about it later? As you amazing and handsome boyfriend i want to be here for you through this and help you anyway i can!" He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood a little and wanting to earn atleast a small smile from you. You let out a shaky giggle, telling him about your stressful day and everything that happened during the classes. He listened carefully, petting your hair and humming every once in a while to let you know he's listening.

After having a talk and making sure youre okay, you decided to watch a movie. "You know what? Ill be generous today and let my amazing s/o pick whatever movie you want." He smirked as he pecked your head, getting comfortable in the sheets as he handed you the remote.

A/N: i wrote this in school so it was rushed. Im not that educated in stuff like this so if i got something wrong please correct me without being rude.

[sugar-omi]

Kinda a request but also not: I would like to see jealous/possesive!MC bc I've been somewhat lurking in the tags, and I haven't seen any of it besides one person scraping an idea of both Cove and the MC being yanderes for each other. Like I'm insane about Cove, ik I'm not alone 😭.

It would be super interesting to see how a jealous/possessive!MC responds to Baxter during the step 3 prologue when he hits on Cove. 🤭

i can ramble abt this forever n ill prbly end making a part 2 to this lol pls even a few of my first post have a lotta jealous/possessive reader w a light yandere theme since im not completely in the scene but the possessiveness makes my brain churn LOL <333

tags : Suggestive, step 3, slight yandere theme, jealous/possessive reader

synopsis : you might be a bit too possessive with cove. but if he loves it and it sets the record straight, what's the problem?

when baxter starts making subtle flirtatious comments to cove, it makes your head spin

of course you know your boyfriend is attractive!

you've seen the way tourists look at him, and when you were still in school, you heard and saw the way other students ogled and giggled to each other about how cute cove is.

unfortunately, you can't just put a collar on him with your name on it. although a small part of you thinks cove might like it.

so even after baxter gets the idea that you're both taken. (not that it needed to be said with the glare on your face and the way you straighten up, pulling cove into you)

you still go to some lengths to make sure he remembers that

instead of just holding his hand, you'll pull him into your lap of you can, wrapping your arms around him and kissing his shoulder/neck occasionally

and if you're in cove's car after a dinner date, and baxter just happens to walk out of his condo where he can see you stretched over the middle console, tangling your fingers in cove's hair and kissing within an inch of your lives...

well that's just a coincidence <3

and if you're coming back from a trip at the beach that was getting much too steamy with your hand dipping under the leg of cove's swim shorts, and run into baxter on the way back

you won't easily admit that it brings you too much happiness to see cove fidgeting, itching to get away so he can be alone with you, and how baxter's eyes widen a bit at the blooming marks on cove's skin

if you can put the grudge aside enough to hang out with baxter during the "sightseeing" moment, then of course the topic of dating and crushes comes up

baxter smiles when you say that cove has only ever been with you, and vice versa.

of course you note the melancholy look on his face, and you feel like he's being sarcastic. or at least half-hearted in his well wishes

maybe the look on your face is a bit too much on the sour side, but you don't worry about that. "cove and i will certainly spend the rest of our lives together. our souls are intertwined after all."

your smile is a bit sickly sweet, but you move on anyway

I wanna talk a bit abt cove though...

yk how in step 2, if you punch/scare/cuss at jeremy, cove admits that he likes it?

I think he knows and sees how jealous, how possessive you are and feeds into it sometimes

it makes his heart beat (and even turns him on) that you're claiming him in any way

he sees how you pull him into your lap, or how you hold onto his arm, or how you kiss him even more when in front of baxter

he knows that when you ran into baxter, you find too much pleasure in how he squirms. and when you finally get back to his room for a little privacy, you're almost feral with how you touch and kiss him

he sees the way you leer and smirk when baxter walks by you two, and cove flushes because even though he's embarrassed bc baxter definitely saw you making out, he's also a bit... excited by it

it doesn't make sense, and it embarrasses him more just thinking abt it, but it just makes him feel so warm and tingly when you act like this that it overrides his shame <33

[kira-broflovski]

Stuck With Me || Kenny McCormick x Reader

note: characters are in high school

Drunken yells, and occasional shattering of glass, echoed throughout the tiny house the McCormick family resided in. Every shout and break only frightened the children of the family, no matter how much they were used to it by now.

Kenny knew he needed to get out again, and he knew exactly who to text and where to go.

"wanna go for a walk. ill come 2 u"

Without waiting for your response, he made his way over to your house so he could meet you and have one of your usual walks around the town. The two of you often did this when his parents had more intense fights.

Something about you brought him peace, but he had no idea what these feelings were. All he knew was that he's had them for as long as you've been close.

He looked up into the blanket of stars above him, and he watched a cloud slowly drift by the moon while it lit up the sky.

Amazed by the sky's seemingly never-ending beauty, he felt compelled to stop walking for a minute and just admire it.

Never in his life did he feel so small and insignificant.

"Please, God, if you even exist please give me a sign things are going to get better. Or at least a warning." He continued to stare, motionless, at the moon. "Give Kevin and Karen better lives, let mom and dad find peace, or just anything. Any sign, for Christ's sake." He spat his prayers under his breath.

"Just give me a fucking sign, please!"

"Kenny? Are you out here?"

He snapped out of his resentful begging and looked down to spot you in the distance looking for him.

"Kenny!?"

You had run outside because you swore you heard his voice yelling something and maybe something had happened to him on the way to your house.

"Y/N!" He called back, coming to his senses.

"Kenny! I'm so glad you're safe." You let out a deep breath as you both walked towards each other.

The two of you spent a while just walking around aimlessly, enjoying each other's company and laughing at the usual drunkards that littered Main Street at night. You brought up anything that would distract him from his undeserved home life... not that he calls that place a real home.

Later, you had found yourselves sitting on a bench by the quaint pond on the outskirts of town.

"God, the sky is so pretty out here." You were staring up at the sky, and Kenny thought the stars shined brighter in your eyes.

That's when his feelings had hit him like a truck.

He decided it probably wasn't best to confess immediately, he still needed time to internalise those thoughts and he wanted to experience what it felt like to have a real crush on someone while his friends tease him about it. He craved that sense of normalcy; a regular teenage life.

"Y/N?" He began. "Do you think... do you think the future will be okay for us?"

You continued to look around the jet-black sky as you answered him. "You, Kevin, and Karen will have better things one day. I'm sure of it."

"God, I hope so. But, uh, I meant between the two of us. Do you think we'll still have each other in the future?"

"You're not getting rid of me that easy!" You laughed as you finally tore your eyes away from the abyss and looked at Kenny instead, who was already staring at you.

"Believe me, I don't want to." He raised his hands in defense when you got closer to him.

"Good. You're stuck with me anyways." Feeling a surge of confidence, you laid your head on his shoulder and looked out onto the pond.

That's when he decided to sling his arm over your shoulder and pull you closer into him, the gesture making you both smile.

"Nobody else I'd rather be stuck with, Y/N."