#are you going to tell all of them that they are using labels wrongly (lol) or are you growing tf up and move on

[queerofthedagger]

unfriendly fucking reminder that bisexuality means and has always meant attraction to all genders, has in fact historically been so firmly entangled with the trans- and genderfucky communities that it's been used synonymous, and also that there is no productive way to differentiate it from other mspec labels. which is fine in fact i think it's on brand for all us mfers incapable of choosing ever to have more than one possible label even if they are effectively the same thing and pick the one we wear by vibes or associated history or simply because we like the damn flag better, but also trying to clearly define labels is bullshit and we're past it it just makes you sound politically and effectively conservative not everything is cookie cutter cleancut you'll survive stop telling people what their labels mean i swear to god

[antiradqueer]

Trigger warning for mentions of fetishization, pro-c for non-con stuff,paras, and like very little of cult tactics, nothing with much detail I believe. Sorry if i tagged these wrongly, I'm not really good at putting trigger warnings.

Lol, im in the rq community but its like really confusing, i dont agree with some terms that fetishize people and invalidate others but some parts are i agree with too so its weird.

Im not sure if i should leave and even if i do where do i exactly go i dont really know, also some of these terms really help me to explain and express my non-human identity better, and stuff like that. (i only have id with transbody terms that go like 'wanting to have more eyes' or 'wanting to be taller' due to non-humanity, im not sure if that is wrong. Because these terms really would be okay and very nice in my eyes if they werent soo,, interwined with pro-c for non-con paras and actual fucked up shit.)

Also the community is meant to be anti-harasment, which is what i am, knowing that harassment on the internet wont really work in anyway. Though the community is extreme (this goes for antis too, both sides are very extreme which sometimes wants me to just stay in the middle of it.) And people in the rq tend to ignore the pro-harassment rq's by saying stuff like 'oh theyre not actually rq' and that on itself sounds like very problematical to me. Maybe not just me, i have no idea.

I also thought of id as transabled due to my heavy signs of BIID, (though i am not diagnosed so it might be something else, so i wont self diagnose for now since it might be a placebo effect due to my legs not functioning well in the first place) but the things it implied was just,, not something i would like to be associated with. So idk if that makes me unvalid or anything of that.

Im so fucking confused and i dont really like the fact i am so confused and kind of not fitting for both sides and being neutral seems,, y'know,, ignorant to me because both sides have their extremes and problems, so god i have no idea.

Also i did notice rq community using ways that are like,, weird, and i have experienced cult tactics and when i noticed it literally didnt go away so yeah. And that certainly something I don't want to be associated with and harms me too.

Its weird, i have no idea, wa.

Also i quite literally dont care whos origin is what, i used to be heavily endogenic but after a while i was like,, 'dude i cant change these people nor should i can encourage possible harmful things to them and the plural community' and decided to be neutral especially because i have a traumagenic system of 750+ with some alters still heavily anti-endo and some pro-endo. Which again makes me feel like i will not be welcomed elsewhere.

I have talked to a few anti-rqs about my experience but idk

Also i have multiple paraphilic disorders and Paraphilias without disorders, so im not sure if i will be affected in the other communities since of my paraphilic disorders.

So sorry this is like very long, i apologize if i made y'all uncomfortable,, it was not what i intended.

first of all, I will just repeat what I tell every radqueer that comes into our inbox: think about if you really want to be part of and support a movement that inherently supports pro-c paraphiles of all kinds, is racist, ableist and whatnot. you simply can't on one hand call yourself radqueer and on the other hand pick and choose the parts of the community you like. if you use that label, you are supporting the WHOLE community, end of the story. of course there are disgusting people in every community, but it's different with radqueers - for example, there are quite a lot if pro-c zoophiles who are also therians and claim to be part of the therian community. BUT the therian label in itself is strictly against that and will never ever accept those people. the radqueer label however is inherently supportive of and welcoming to pro-c zoos, pedos and necros. and that's the difference. that's why you are still supporting those people even if you only use the term radqueer. please realize there are alternative terms you can use for the same experiences, which are not associated with radqueers and/or are coined by folk who are openly anti radqueer and anti transid.

aside from that, being neutral or unaligned is 100% a path you can choose! always put your own comfort and safety first and if the discourse stresses you out too much, you can always just back off.

I don't have too much to add honestly, to me it seems like you are THIS close to truly realizing how horrible the radqueer community actually is - I mean, you even noticed the cult tactics. but it is on you to take the final step and get out and I promise you, if you do, you will be welcomed by us antis and other communities!

[I won't comment on the endo system part, since we don't do syscourse topics here]

[nightswithkookmin]

I am curious about your take on something. So Taekook probably hate the idea of Taekook, right? If Jk and Jimin are together (as I beleive they are) then the very idea of taekook has to be like sooo weird for everyone, especially when it results in hate directed at Jimin. So why don't Taekook agree to like NEVER LAY HANDS ON ONE ANOTHER in public. I know they shouldnt have to. They like skinship and all. And no one is going cray cray over jinkook or jihope etc. But its an easy fix? Maybe not?

Tradshippers... Haha.

The gag being Tuktukkers say the same thing about Jimin and Jikook all the time- if V is his soulmate and friend, shouldn't he keep his hands off JK? Shouldn't he respect the sanctity of his friends' relationship? Doesn't he care that his actions with JK hurt Tae? That he is wrecking another man's home, yadda, yadda, yadda.

Heard it all before. Not particularly impressed by that level of rudimentary mental adroitness- at all. It all flows from insecurities and or the shipper's dissatisfaction with how these people in reality interact with one another because that often tend to be in disharmony with their shipping fantasies about their OTP.

The shipping community in general is a fantasy bubble. Haven't done much research on its demographics but from my observation, it seems the younger demographic can't seem to detach fantasy from reality while the much 'adult' population'- perhaps, for fear of having their reality warped or their hearts broken, are too engrossed in reality as such tend to approach shipping with quizical glares at best, cynicism, skepticism and what I like to call a false sense of logic- at worst.

Then of course, there are those in between.

But one thing they all seem to have in common is their emotional response to the demystification of their fantasies. Like any fantasy, people tend to lash out at or carry resentment towards anything or anyone that threatens their false sense of safety built around their fantasy.

For Taekookers they tend to lash out at Jimin or even Jokers because they threaten their sense of ship safety. Jokers do the same with JK more so than Tae, but Tae too nevertheless.

Taekook, Jinkook and the other ships Jikooker's are threatened by are viewed as threats and looked upon with disdain and resentment only because they ruin the fantasy of Jikook for them and nothing else.

And if that's not the case, then these people are too invested in someone else's relationship and lack both personal and emotional boundaries- it's their relationship not ours.

You can't sit in your homes, behind the screens and pilot someone else's relationship or point out what is wrong with their relationship and feel strongly about it to the point you start demanding and dictating how they should relate with eachother or their friends- that's entitlement and borderline toxicity which is scary, not gonna lie.

Jikook and Vmin equally ruin the fantasy of Taekook for their shippers. And they look to Jimin as the grinch and killjoy, hence lash out against him without reservation.

In a perfect shipping alternate universe, Taekook or Jikook would be couples within a group where it's glaringly clear that they are couples and as such no other ship would compete or interact with them in a way that raises questions about the general perception of them as a couple unit within the group or threaten their status as such. But this is reality. Not fantasy. And it just doesn't work that way.

Most of these conversational topics you raise are about how people want their OTP to behave rather than how their OTP actually behave towards one another.

It's especially disconcerting when their disapproval of an interaction stems from them 'wrongly' labeling or interpreting that interaction as 'intimate' and or romantic and proceed to go on an emotionally charged rant on behalf of their OTP calling for them to instill boundaries.

Maybe Tae is not instilling boundaries for JK with Jimin because he doesn't have the right to? Because he is not in a relationship with either Kook or Jimin?

Maybe Jimin is not telling Tae and Kook to keep the skinship off cameras because he is not bothered by the 'hate he receives' because of their interactions?

Tae kook have been interacting on our screens for 7 good years. You think if Jimin found their interactions as problematic or disrespectful to his relationship with Kook that he wouldn't have nipped that in the bud?

Have you not seen him react a countless time to when he is uncomfortable with an interaction that crosses his limits or boundaries? It should tell you he doesn't have a problem with Tae Kook at all.

He only has a problem when an interaction crosses the line. Same with JK. And if due to his ideosyncracy he can't stomach an interaction, he averts his eyes. I don't think he would want them to stop interacting all together. If he did that would be problematic because they are all friends and he doesn't own Kook or vice versa.

Also the statement that Tae Kook need to keep their skinship off camera because Jimin receives a lot of hate because of it is a non sequitur. Tae kook is not the reason Jimin recieves a lot of hate in the fandom. Jikook is.

Taekook doesn't hurt Jimin, Jikook does. People lash out at Jimin because of his interactions with JK not because of JK's interaction with with Tae.

So the solution would not be for Tae and Kook to keep their skinship off camera, it would be for JK and Jimin to not interact on camera at all. I mean if we are being honest.

And all those who claim JK isn't protecting Jimin because his interactions with Tae is what fuels the passions of Tuktukkers towards Jimin, think again...

JK puts up boundaries with Tae as it is. Out of all BTS, they are the two who have openly admitted to having 'drifted apart' over the years- I wonder why. When Tae spoke about wanting JK to treat him as a friend rather than hyung, JK told him he couldn't do that because that would have led to a lot of fights between them. What other boundaries do y'all expect him to put up again?

Dude rarely nurtures his relationship outside Jimin within the group- responding to texts a whole year later and what not.

And even with this, Jimin recieves a lot of backlash regardless. I think we need to stop justifying hate. There is no justification for hate. No excuse is excuse enough for the traumatization of another human being.

JK equally gets dragged for filth in these shipping streets. Tuktukkers hate him as much as they hate Jimin because of his interactions with Jimin. Tae stans hate him. Jimin stans hate him. He is neither here nor there. He got called a pig, sissy, and all kinds of derogatory names when he pulled away at KBS when Tae wanted to hold his hands.

Jokers, PJM jokers drag him for filth in their gcs and shit and equally hates on him because to him he doesn't love Jimin enough or at all. Especially, when he doesn't interact with JM in a way that pleases them.

The problem is Jikook. Both Jimin and JK will have their peace of mind if they didn't interact at all and kept their relationship private. The best way for JK to protect his boyfriend from all this bullshit is to keep a safe distance from him and act like he doesn't know him or never met him- because that is how Kpop idols usually protect their relationships.

And yet, and YET, when he does just that y'all jump on his neck on every turn, screaming Jk hates Jimin and doesn't love him. I gotta ask-

WHAT Y'ALL WANT FROM JK?!

People just like to ruin beautiful things, don't they?

And while we are at it, let me address this Ask I got a few days ago claiming if JK loves Jimin then it doesn't make sense for him to want to act so loud with Jimin or express his feelings for him in a way that out's their relationship because that can hurt Jimin and bring him a lot of hate...

You think Jimin openly loving on JK doesn't bring JK a lot of hate too? Damn. It's the double standards for me. Lmho.

Listen, JM has a duty to protect JK just as much as JK has a duty to protect JM. By your logic, if Jimin loves Jk then he equally needs to stop doting on him in public because his love causes JK as much pain as JK's love causes Jimin- but Jimin can't stay away now can he?

Jimin had to ask JK permission to express himself the way that he does with him- on their Log when he asked JK if he was ok with him saying he loved him on camera. Jk had a need to keep their relationship private, Jimin had a need to keep it open and clearly didn't want to hide their relationship. But they have since outgrown their old selves. Their wants and their needs have changed- if you pay attention to JK's lyrics in recent times.

Their dynamics keep flipping. And they are constantly negotiating their needs, from my perspective anyway- let them do them. Y'all didn't seem to have a problem when in their earlier dynamics Jimin was the one pushing for them to be open with their relationship. JK eventually gave up his need to hide their relationship didn't he? And overtime he became comfortable expressing affection for Jimin openly.

Yet, suddenly when JK wants the same thing in their relationship y'all claim he is being unreasonable and unfair towards Jimin? Huh?

Granted, he over does it sometimes. Yes. Lol.

But you can't hold Jikook to different standards. They are both human and their feelings for eachother are equally valid. Their needs from eachother are valid in the same weight.

If Jimin gets to show the whole world just how much he loves JK and because of that many people are convinced Jimin loves JK more than JK loves him- even if half of the time he is using fanservice as a cover or even his persona as a cover, then why can't JK equally use his art or whatever means he prefers as a cover to show the world just how much he loves Jimin?

...Even if half of the time he is borderline outing him and getting him in trouble? Lol. That's just the love if you ask me. Hehehe.

Chilee JK, you make it hard to defend you sometimes! Lol. Just don't out your man. How hard is that!😭🤭

Seriously though, you don't think he wants people to see he loves Jimin too? Damn, y'all be reading Jimin wrong. Because Jimin loves it when JK shows the world he loves him... Did you see his face after Rosebowl? Why do you think JK keeps cutting it close? Dude is gunning for the points. Lmho. Jikook speak eachother's love language. Let that sink in.

If JK is pushing against the glass closet it's because he is convinced that that is something Jimin wants but is afraid to go after and he is the fearless one among the two. Y'all just be fighting the wrong battles. Lmho.

Jikook is asserting themselves against eachother. They are pushing eachother's boundaries and I don't think that is necessarily a bad thing.

You can't claim JK doesn't love Jimin and in the same breath condemn and disapprove of the ways he expresses himself and his love for Jimin- I think you need to free JK now!

Between Tuktukkers and certain Jokers, I don't know who is worse- Nevermind, I'm not a fan tradshippers in general.

JK is there to please his man not shippers and the way I see it Jimin looks like a satisfied customer to me.

If you are dissatisfied with Jikook, there are a countless other ships in BTS. Get on one. See how that goes. Lol.

Where were we, Anon?

Oh right, Tae Kook. Lol.

I think we need to learn to hold the right people accountable for their actions. The problem is not Tae Kook, or Jikook or any other ship. The problem is with the toxic shippers who use them as an excuse to perpetuate unfathomable hurt towards the boys and towards others.

I think Tuktukkers need to develop a better attitude towards Jikook. Jikooker's need to do the same about Tae Kook or Jin Kook.

Personally, I would rather Jikook kept their relationship private but I also understand their need to take advantage of the glass closet- secrets are hard to hide. They get heavy before they get easy.

And Jimin loves to be loved. He loves when you show him off. It's part of his love language. You can't date him and Keep him a secret- and still we question why JK doesn't want to hide him.

If y'all don't want to ship Jikook that's fine. I'll ship them myself.😒

Whatever decisions they are making, I support it wholeheartedly. I support them with every fiber of my being.

LONG LIVE JIKOOK. JIKOOK IS REAL.

Signed,

GOLDY

[nightwingshero]

OC Themes

So, thank you @xbaebsae for letting me just vomit this information in our chat, you’re a saint and a trooper! I’m so sorry lol

But I have come to the conclusion due to too much caffeine that each of my OCs actually symbolize different highly opinionated statements that are actually important to me. So, some major spoilers for their canon, but I think it’s totally worth it for the message they convey. Long post that literally no one asked for!

Note: I am very proud of all of this. If you don’t agree, fine. But for those who love my OCs (thank you so much for your support!), here’s the deeper meaning to who they are, what they represent, and the values I have and stand for. 

Wren Blake

Wren’s canon (or arc) is all about her coming to terms with trauma, suffering and dealing with miscarriage, depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety. Things people don’t talk enough about and show support for, and it gets left unsaid. She’s a character that is desperate for a support system she never had and she represents the effects of the lack of it. She is, also, a great representation that (yes Eden’s Gate and the Seeds are EVIL) every side has a story, and that you will always be a hero or villain in someone’s story. So, you live for you and who you are. Not for what other people want for you or who they want you to be. It shows the struggle of someone who is empathetic to a fault, someone who struggles with loving themselves and feeling as if they are never enough because of how their parents raised them, and I know that that’s an issue a lot of us have experienced. Yes, she is technically meant to be a “bad guy”, but that’s not the point. The point is that she’s human and flawed, and still a good person that learns to be true to herself despite all of it. Insert line from Wreck-It-Ralf: Just because I’m a bad guy, doesn’t make me a bad guy person.

Rowan Palmer

The walking example that positivity is NOT a personality trait, it’s a skill set, and it is HARD. You choose to be positive and it’s a challenge for everyone. You can’t control some of the things that happen to you, but you damn well can control how you react to it and what you do with it. But the biggest thing? BLOOD DOESN’T MAKE YOU FAMILY! This took me YEARS to understand and learn, guys. And I will say it louder for the people in the back: BLOOD. DOESN’T. MAKE. YOU. FAMILY. Too often have I had to deal with bullying, toxicity, and just pure negativity because “they’re your family, it’s what you’re supposed to do”. Fuck NO! Blood is no excuse! You can CHOOSE your family, and Rowan’s story is about her learning that cutting toxic family members from your life is a GOOD thing! You deserve people that appreciate and love you!! Blood doesn’t excuse the way you’re treated, and don’t you ever let it! There are people that value you, that love and support you, for who you are. Those are your people, THAT’S your family.

Jane Williams

Can we just not with toxic masculinity and let women be fucking powerful human beings without prejudice? Without some fucking stereotype? Let them be creative, let them be fucking smart, and have some bassassness and let them LOVE! There’s a reason for the Viking hair, my dudes. And Jane (along with Wren) are MAJOR favorites of mine because of this post. Jane is well rounded, she has a past and she has emotions! She’s also a sarcastic asshole that people love! You can be badass and soft. You can be a hardass and love to create. YOU CAN BE DEEP! You can be all these things and not fall into a category people try to force you into. You don’t need that shit, fuck it! You can be beautiful, no matter what you believe in or what you do. No matter what you value. You are valid in who you are, stay true to it. Fuck labels, you don’t need them. We love you. 

Randy Miller

Again, can we just say FUCK TOXIC MASCULINITY?! Having a strong male character that HAS A SOFT CARING SIDE! Randy has feelings, he’s not afraid to be sensitive, and that’s such a beautiful thing. How dare people put expectations on any gender because of the gender? The audacity! Also, PLATONIC MALE/FEMALE RELATIONSHIPS THAT ARE HEALTHY AND SUPPORTIVE! We don’t get this enough, honestly. One of my best friends is a guy, and I can’t tell you how many times we’ve been mistaken as a couple. All because of an unspoken expectation that women can’t be friends with men without something going on. Well, I’m done with it. It’s so important to have positive and supportive relationships, gender has nothing to do with it. 

Whitney Seed

This...this is a big one. For those who actively follow me, you know that Whitney is a challenge for me to write, and you’re going to learn the biggest reason why. Whitney’s arc? Her relationship doesn’t end good, guys. Nope. She loses her faith and trust in Joseph, they become estranged after one of their children dies. Her arc ends with her stepping away from the Mother role and killing Ethan. And yes there’s a reason. I grew up in rural America, and I’m telling you, Hope County is super accurate in its representation. I know what it’s like to grow up in a religious, conservative family. Thankfully, Whitney and I turned out very differently. Nancy (in my opinion) is a white, privileged middle-aged (or older) woman that probably grew up religious. Whitney grew up with that. With a woman that was probably conservative and taught her values. Told her what her place and role was. So Whitney is placed into a role by Nancy and Joseph, because that’s what she was always told her purpose was. That was her place. Whitney is a stereotypical “southern belle”, from the way she talks to her baking and being The Mother. Her character is sexism personified, showing the roles that women are forced into due to toxic masculinity. She was raised and taught that that’s okay, that you respect your husband and God is law. Her character development and conflict is more after Wren’s canon and into New Dawn. She overcomes the expectations that were wrongly placed on her, and she sees the wrongness of it. She grows from it and becomes her own person. 

And that, ladies and gentlemen, are my OCs’ true core. Sorry for the ramble. But I’m proud of this. And each OC IS a piece of myself and my values. Thanks for listening to it. 

[lovelybrittxo]

where do I even start?

I’m literally only writing this for myself since typing a whole novel out on the computer is way easier than writing this in a physical journal which is what I normally do. I come to Tumblr though when I have way too much to say and don't know how to say it. I just need to get it off my chest before I blow up. so here it goes...

shall we start at the beginning? I grew up in a decently religious household. my mom, sister and I went to church almost every Sunday with all our aunts and uncles. don't get me wrong, I still believe in God and whatnot and I wouldn't change my upbringing in the church for anything. but it may have suppressed my views on the world. something my aunt said to me a few years ago has stuck to brain ever since and I can't seem to shake it. she told me that she actually believes that being gay is a sin and that you can love the sinner but not the sin. so like, she believes if you're gay, you can be gay but don't act upon it/the sin. she believes, for example, that being trans is a mental illness. like, I just can't wrap my head around that. and honestly, she spoke with so much conviction and “sense” that she actually had me fooled to think the same way for a hot second. and then to learn that my other “cool” aunt also believes this... kinda sad. both of those aunts have literally talked down upon family (and our family is very tight knit) and people they love... what would they do if they ever found out about me?

ive felt a lot of feelings ever since I was young. mostly towards males... but also towards females. I just thought the female part was me wanting to be like them or be their friend and just have them like me and accept me as a chill person to be around. but fast forward to a couple years ago. I was bombarded (in a good way) by social media flaunting (in a good way lol) different sexualities and things. its hard to describe but that “world” was just becoming more prominent to me I guess.

I started to try and put my religious upbringing in the background so I could focus on trying to figure out who I really was. ive been doing this for at least a couple years now. and although im still trying to really figure it out, right now half way through 2020, I think im getting closer to an answer. and guess what has helped me the most? tiktok lmao! no but for real, the internet is an amazing place for discovery in any form. after I started to get into real communities online (like kpop and penpaling) i’ve never felt more connected to the internet and it allowed me to try and find real personal help... if that makes any sense. i’ve just tried to put myself out there and not just google my feelings but piece together a map from asking real people over the Internet here and there to try and figure out who I am.

sometime last year (or maybe earlier) I found a YouTube video of a popular creator retelling her coming out story. I just randomly commented on the video about how I had been feeling, not to get a reply but just to comment. but then I actually got a real reply (not from the creator but still a nice person). they said something along the lines of me basically being bicurious. I had never in my life heard of such a word and I had thought that this person was just making it up. one google search later I found out it was a real thing. although at the time of first looking it up I was still very confused about the word... still kinda am? lol. however, just a couple weeks ago I had seen a post somewhere (an ad I think selling pride flags) saying there was an official bicurious flag. I was in shock. I thought it was a scam, but its not, it’s real (I just don't think it’s talked about very often cause it doesn't seem like a solid sexuality that you can claim your entire life). but anyway.

now what i’m gonna say next I don't want to come off in the wrong way (you nonexistent person reading this lol), but I feel like dating a trans person brought me into that “world” a bit more. like, i had literally never met anyone who was trans before him or anyone who was gay or used a they/them pronoun... never. but in his world, all of that was common and normal. and this is where I don't want to come off wrongly... I don't wanna make it seem like because I dated a trans person i’m qualified to be included in the LGBT community now or to talk about LGBT stuff or whatever. I just think because I dated him, it opened up my shallow world a bit. especially because he’s open about it (on a side note I always loved looking at his huge trans flag above his bed. that was the first flag I had really ever memorized because of him. besides the rainbow one obviously lol). like, his best friend uses they/them pronouns, and although i’ve always been aware of that, i’ve only ever seen things about it through YouTube videos and whatnot. I had never had to actually use those pronouns for anyone I knew in real life until I met his best friend. like, everything I knew about that “world” had only been through online researching/consuming. i’d never experienced it in real life before.

I remember one night we talked about it a little. I knew he was bisexual and so I asked him if he’d ever dated a guy. he asked me if I would ever date a girl and i just said that I had always thought about it and that my tinder profile was set to find both genders. then we talked about pride since it was at the beginning of quarantine and we didn't know if parades were still gonna happen or not yet. he said I could always go as an ally because I told him I felt ashamed and like I shouldn't be allowed to attend a pride parade. (of course he reassured me I can go and he wasn't shocked about me liking both genders at all...he just said ‘nice’ lol)

I still have a little inkling in the back of my mind that I still shouldn't be able to attend though. honestly because I don't know what I would be attending as. I feel like an imposter. I don't want people thinking that im doing all this for attention or just because I dated one person in the LGBT community. i’ve been struggling with this for so long... but it just so happens that now at 27 years old im coming to terms with who I am. I just feel like because I didn't figure it out earlier that I’m not “worthy” of being included. I feel like such an outsider because no one’s “invited” me in yet lol because im still trying to figure it out.

and on the same note, I don't feel like i’m worthy because I still really don't have a solid answer. at the moment I just use bicurious because ive never dated a girl before. the trans guy ive been talking about has been the only person i’ve ever been romantically involved with. im serious. I made it 26 years without being with anyone in any type of way. I feel like I don't have the right to call myself bisexual. however, I feel a tiny bit more confident in using that label maybe after I do end up dating a girl in the future and not feel guilty about using it because that same guy calls himself bisexual but told me right out one day that he’s way more attracted to girls than guys and im in the same situation but opposite. the only difference at this point in time is that he’s dated both and I haven't. but thennnn on the other hand, do I even need to label myself at all right now??

even if I did wanna come out, I don't wanna do it until I really have a solid answer about my identity. i just feel like such a fraud or something because im trying to figure it out so late. and like, im going so over the top with my support this year because I feel like I should fit in and maybe im trying too hard? again, I just don't want people thinking its because I dated one trans guy and all of a sudden im huge into the LGBT community. it’s not like that. all of this is just helping me bring out my true self. ugh this is the part where it gets confusing to put into words. i’m aware and I have pure intentions. im just trying to figure out myself after a long time of trying to figure out myself lol

some days the research is overwhelming. there's so many facts and opinions and different people’s stories and labels. as crazy as it sounds I just want someone who’s been gay their whole life to come up and tell me “yup, your bisexual no doubt” lol or something like that. I guess I just want to be validated in my exploration. and i’ve seen random tiktok comments saying stuff like that, that validates me, but the difference is that their comments aren’t directed specifically to me. they don't know me personally. it’s hard to have a random social media comment resonate with me. honestly, and this may sound selfish and not right, but when I was talking to the guy I was seeing, I almost wish he just told me straight out what I was that day. but instead he said I could go to Pride as an ally. and that was probably just him being respectful and not forcing me to be anything, but it almost had the opposite effect on me. by saying I was an ally it felt like he was giving me that permanent label even after telling him I like guys and girls.... ya know?

something recently happened to me that really stuck with me and I was so happy. I have a penpal who is very southern Texas raised religious. she knows the Bible better than I do. I had posted a Pride doodle I did on my Instagram at the beginning of this month and she was the only one who personally responded with an encouraging and supportive dm. if she can support whole heartedly the LGBT community and still love God, then why can't I?? and that's when I trulyyyy knew that I was right and my aunt’s were wrong and I wasn't going insane lol

I wanted to buy a bicurious or pride flag recently. but then was torn when I saw the ally flag (which I also didn't know existed until recently) and the bisexual flag. I know they're just flags but it feels so solid?? like you buy one when you know what you are.... and I don't yet. so I ended up not buying one at all :/

again, there was no purpose to this post because I know no one is going to read it but I just had to type it out into the world so I didn't have to bottle it up anymore.

[starrspice]

Rose Quartz isn't a villain

Unpopular opinion. But here we go

This is My personal two cents. This isn't ordered well its kind of all over the place.

WARNING. ITS REALLY LONG

A lot of people (especially since the movie) have been acting and bashing Rose Quartz/Pink Diamond and acting as though she's the cruelest villain in the universe.

And here's why I don't think she is the ANTAGONIST (a person who actively opposes someone or something)

And furthermore why she falls in line as a VILLAIN ( a character whose evil actions or motives are important to the plot.)

As well as a HERO (a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities)

Let's start with her thought process and behavior.

A big thing I see is people saying "HER ABUSE DOESNT JUSTIFY WHAT SHE DID SHES STILL A MONSTER" and it's true. Abuse doesn't justify terrible behavior but it does to some degree explain it. Pink diamond was abused by the other diamonds.

She was constantly punished for acting out, which she did not only for attention from the other diamonds (as she seemed to be left alone quite often ) but also to make them happy (which indicates that they usually are not) and bring the family together. Not only did she act out, but when punished, she was forced to say she's sorry and that she was wrong, for simply trying to make her family happy and feel less miserable herself.

Pink was basically trained to follow homeworlds rules and not to question anything. And was forced to live a life she hated.

Yes. A lot of what Pink did and HOW she acted is due to how she was raised by the diamonds.

Diamonds are taught that THEY are the leaders. All gems and other life forms are lower than they are. And while Pink did, in fact, realize that killing the planets was wrong that may very well be all she realized. Gems weren't made to fuse with other gems, or to rebel, or to find their own path in life. All of those were things introduced by the rebels. The only reason the diamonds are getting closer to behaving and thinking better than they used to is that they had GUIDANCE. Steven helped show them a better right and wrong. He's helped them work to become better people for 2 years. And one may argue that pink/rose had thousands of years AWAY from. her abusers to become better. But the big thing she didn't have was guidance. She didn't have anyone tell her that those things weren't ok. The gems couldn't tell her that because everything they were doing is new to them. They grew and developed as people but couldn't possibly understand a stronger sense of right and wrong since it had never been questioned before and they'd never been told anything except for "Diamonds know best so we never question them" if you listen to Rose's song love like you she REALIZES SHE WAS TERRIBLE but only because she finally had someone to show her how her way thinking was resulting in terrible behavior and causing problems. "I always thought I might be bad now I'm sure that it's true, 'cus I think you're so good and I'm nothing like you. " GREG WAS HER GUIDANCE but she realized that even if she tried to be a better person. Shell always has a bit of her old self. And she may very well think That's holding her back. But she knew that steven, someone surrounded by people better than she ever could be. And by a strong loving father to guide him and make him kind and considerate and the amazing steven we know and love.

I know a lot of friends who have dealt with abuse. And they go on to behave all kinds if different ways. But this show depicts 2 very different ways people can behave after a childhood of abuse. Pink ran off and made her own life, but didn't necessarily become better. She continued living as she had, not knowing her behavior was wrong because she had never seen anything else or been told that it was wrong. She acted how she was taught to act by homeworld, and as for the rebels, no one recognized how bad it was because they lived the exact same way. They were stuck and had trouble growing as people because they didn't know how to grow. Steven taught them. That's why pearl lives for herself now instead of rose. How Amethyst takes pride and lives with the support of her friends and family boosting her up. He taught garnet that it's ok to not know everything, and sometimes you just have to focus on what you can change rather than what you cant. He taught them that fighting doesn't always fix the problem. Pink didn't have a steven until she realized how much she truly loved Greg. How he was different from other humans because he taught her and was willing to overlook the mistakes of her past so he could help her future. Only at the end of her life did she learn that she was wrong, and selfish, and not a good person. The diamonds acted JUST like this. They all dealt with Whites abuse. And realized. They behaved wrongly. Steven showed them that. They had guidance. Yes. Some people can realize the fault in their behavior on their own. But some cant. The diamonds needed guidance to take steps towards being better. And they're still struggling to learn. But they have someone to help them. So they're trying to fix their mistakes. So yes. Pink diamond was a bad person. And she did a lot of what she did not only because of the abuse. But because of how she was taught to think. This is not to void her of fault or to excuse the things she did. But I feel like it's unfair to call her evil and cruel and heartless. EVERY SINGLE VILLAIN in steven universe has had some layer of depth of deeper reasoning for what they did. And even if you consider pink to be the real villain. The same goes for her. Evil is not inherent, just like all terrible thoughts and behavior patterns. Like racism isn't inherent, or bias or prejudice. These are behavioral traits that are TAUGHT. If a killer raises a child. That child may not think killing is wrong. Pink was raised where she was an important person who had a right to everything she wanted and her desires took priority. Once something didn't serve a purpose she was expected to get rid of it. And gems were treated like objects. They were used for walls, decorative statues. Even aquamarine said topaz was of no use to her. And was prepared to get rid of her. we know this is wrong but they don't. Not all of them anyway. Even the off colors thought they were in the wrong for being themselves. It's not as if she did all of this because she wanted to hurt those around her. She did everything how she did because she was taught to think that way or behave that way. We become the people we are through nature AND nurture. But one can have more sway on someone depending on their upbringing. Abd abusive upbringing like pink endured is bound to drill homeworlds ideals into her head that much more. Especially since she tried to go against the grain and was punished constantly for trying to save things and be better.

And a lot of complaints I see is that "if she tried to explain her feelings to the diamonds none of this would happen" but everyone seems to forget. SHE DID TRY. In the episode where ruby and sapphire split and pearl explains everything she shows that pink diamond DID try. But was scolded for it. And was ignored. Just like how white ignored blue and yellow. She used all her authority but it meant nothing. She felt trapped and took an out. She tried to make a change. It started a spark that leads to a rebellion. Gems thinking for themselves. Being themselves. She did do good things. She tried to leave as much good as she had. But she didn't really know good and bad. She is still responsible for her failures and actions. But it's so so SO wrong to just slap a label on her calling her pure evil like she WANTED to do all that damage. Its the same as calling someone a hero despite any terrible things in their past that may have lead up to that. It's fine to classify her as an antagonist because yes. She caused problems for the main character and everyone around them. But it's not ok to ignore the meanings and cause behind it. We all knew pink/rose wasn’t A good person. But it's not ok to belittle her and act like her suffering and upbringing played no part.

It just upsets me when people ignore the history of someone. And I repeat THAT DOESN’T EXCUSE HER ACTIONS but that doesn't mean its ok to label someone based on their mistakes. No. Rose isn't a good person. She didn't know how to be. But that doesn't mean shes a cruel villainess. It means she was hurt early on and never fully recovered.

People who come from abuse can rise higher than their oast and tey to be better. And sometimes they can get stuck in their past and never learn from it. But that doesn't mean it's from a lack of wanting to be better. They may just not know-how.

This explains pinks behavior. And why she isn't an ANTAGONIST. She wasn't ACTIVELY trying to harm anyone or ruin anything. She even REFUSED TO SHATTER GEMS. She had a semblance of right and wrong and what was too far, but that's as far as it went. Additionally, by the time the show takes place, Pink is gone and can no longer actively do anything against steven or the crystal gems.

So. My thoughts on Pink/Rose

Not a good person and not justified in her actions, but came off the bedside of an abusive childhood and was never taught better. Just because she's done a lot of bad things doesn't mean bashing her is ok. Try and think of it like real life. Not everyone becomes better after abuse. And not everyone has the influences and tools needed to become better after abuse. We learn right and wrong from the people around us, so what if no one around us knows proper right and wrong?

Not looking to argue and you can reply with your thoughts if you want. But that doesn't really mean ill respond (im sure ill be flooded with people telling me why I'm wrong lol)

I would go on but I feel like this is too long already

[spaded-aces]

tell me about your ocs story

Assuming you mean Babs so buckle in, bud! I’ll put this under a cut so it doesn’t clog up people’s dashes! It took me over half an hour to write it all out lmao

Her whole timeline takes place after Deku has been a pro hero for a good 20 years

So Babs wasn’t born with her quirk, but the two aspects of it developed at different times. For her hands, which came first, think basically like Bakugo but instead of nitroglycerin sweat that explodes it’s pretty much harmless bubble solution like you find in those wands for kids. Now her breath is what makes the quirk dangerous! Her breath is flammable! If she blows a bubble from her hand with her own breath, the gasses build up until it explodes. They’ll explode on their own if they’re given enough time, the smaller the bubble the shorter the time, but they explode a lot faster if they’re hit with enough force. Knowing her quirk is important because it’s a big part of how she’s treated!

Alright so the core of her backstory is her family. She’s got a twin sister, an older sister, her mom, and her dad. Her parents are pretty set in their ways once they think something. As soon as they decided Bab’s quirk was violent, they pretty much labeled her as a villain. They made her wear like a surgical mask and gloves to keep her from using her quirk basically all the time

She became like the family pariah. She couldn’t introduce herself to people without them already hearing from her sisters or her parents that she was violent (which she wasn’t, there was just an accident when she was little) and destructive (same thing). Her parents never really let her go out anywhere because they wrongly assumed she would go off and cause trouble while her sisters were allowed to come and go as they pleased

The real catalyst to her running away from home is her sisters setting her up to be embarrassed in front of a kid that she liked. They got a group of kids together and made her really believe that they wanted to hang out with her but they really pulled a big prank on her. Think syrup and chicken feathers. Not fun. So she ran home, it was raining, she packed some of her stuff and left. She was about 13 at that point

She didn’t really have a goal place in mind, she just wanted to get as far away from her family as possible. She hitched rides and sneaked through wherever she could to make progress. She didn’t really have any money, so she did end up having to steal and do some pretty unpleasant things to get by. She picked up a good few phrases in a few different languages, hung around some not very good people, and eventually settled in good ole Japan 

Once she got there it was a lot of the same. Stealing and fighting to survive, doing whatever she had to really. She camped out under an old bridge and made that her little home. She had a bag but it didn’t really have much in it. She’s basically a hobo at that point lol

And a hobo she was for like ??? 3 years. It took her 3 years to get to Japan mostly on foot and absolutely not moving every single day. Then 3 years under the bridge. Then came the night that changed everything

It was pretty much routine for her. Hit up a store at night after it’s closed, take was she needs, go back to her bridge. But! There was a new hero fresh out of school patrolling that night that was eager to deliver some justice

The hero got her cornered so she didn’t really have much choice. She blew her bubbles, a lot of small ones so basically no wait time for the explosions. But the hero, thinking it was mostly a distraction, blew them back at her. And boom

 Most of the bubbles stuck to the wall behind her, but two actually stuck to Babs. One on her face and one on her neck. Since they were small they didn’t cause too big of an explosion but they definitely did some damage. The wall was hella blown up because a lot of little bubbles went off on it, which gave her a way out. She managed to get away and make it to an alleyway before she passed out

In comes Aidan! Precious Irish boy that moved to Japan to open a shop for his blown glass creations! He was pretty lost when he found her, being new to the city. He couldn’t speak the language very well either. But when he found Babs he couldn’t just leave her! He’s too good! So he scooped her up and eventually found his way to his apartment

Now Babs doesn’t trust people for obvious reasons. Waking up in a place she most definitely didn’t pass out in is troubling enough, but waking up when she honestly wasn’t expecting to is even worse. No one is nice for no reason

Now our boy Aidan patched her up real good, or at least as good as he could. He didn’t know where the hospital was yet lol He found Babs on the floor when she was trying to make it to the door because she was ready to yeet

Now see I said he didn’t know the language well and I meant it. He assumed Babs was from Japan because he had no background knowledge about her so he tried his best. He ended up asking her where the bathroom is lmao

He was hella relieved when she spoke english. He ended up convincing her to stay but she was hella suspicion. She kept expecting him to ask for something in return but he never did because he is a precious boy that will teach her how to trust and how to LOVE

And they dooooo they get hella romantic after a long ass time because it took ages for Babs to get over not trusting him. She never told him she was a villain, but she doesn’t know that he knew since the first night he took her in. He saw the news, he can put two and two together without knowing the language

Pretty much the whole time she lived with him she stopped actually doing villain stuff. She became more of a villain medic, setting up shop in a place only villains would know to go to for help. She made good money that way and Aidan didn’t question it

She really stopped doing anything with villains when she found out she was preggo. Hard stop. The day she found out, she dropped everything and went to a sort of villain rehab where she could be clean in the eyes of society. She didn’t want her baby anywhere near villains of any kind. She was gone for the 90 days or however long before going back to Aidan and telling him she was preggo

She really didn’t know how he’s react because to her, kindness could only stretch so far. She was expecting him to kick her out, tell her to get rid of it, something. But no he’s happy!! He’s in love and they’re gonna have a baby! He tried to propose to her on the spot but Babs ain’t about that marriage life and Aidan is cool with that

So she has the baby and that’s Rex! Precious. Pretty much from the get go he had a fascination (borderline obsession) with Deku. He wanted to be a hero and he was determined. He eventually gets into UA which is pretty awkward for Babs because she fought most of his teachers lmao His homeroom teacher actually turns out to be the one hero that blew the bubbles back at her that night! Crazy stuff

That’s pretty much all I have concretely worked out for now!

[dougrattmanna]

jindosh replied to your post “jindosh replied to your post: talking about...”

he seems a lot more impish in the second game i'd need to really think about it to explain but he feels like a completely different character in some aspects

you’ve opened the Angry Vault

1. what i noticed first of all is that. he seems more human?  not necessarily in the character development department either ---- but in the physical aspect.  he somehow has a stubble (? idk why they did that other than to be like look how masculine and manly he is which is just. a big fuck you to me lol), is more mobile,  acts more like a wimpish human. as if you could swap him to the side without any effort.  not to mention how casual he is. 

in the first game, the outsider was a big name. a scary name. each time you saw him, you knew nothing except his seeming dislike of everyone except for maybe you. and then it wasn’t even clear if he really liked you or if you were just something that would be a plaything rather than an actual interest. he could as easily fade out of your life as step in and you would never know why he stopped caring.  people literally despaired for his attention, his blessings.  THEY were the ones crying with tears if they saw a glimpse of him. 

in the second game, he is the one practically begging for attention from a woman he’s never met in a proper way other than to terrify her in her nightmares and technically shouldn’t even like her due to her tyranny across the isles & her inability to seemingly change a lot for the good of the people (see: how shit karnaca was. that didn’t change in just a day. it’d been that way for a while). 

2.  why would he pick emily and corvo of all people? it doesn’t seem very interesting anymore to me.  he found corvo interesting in the first game because corvo was the only seemingly adult survivor who knew the truth and would have good intentions. he seemed earnest. he had potential, was a neutral person & got cornered in a position that had our genuine sympathy.

in dishonored 2, this is not the same. emily doesn’t garner our sympathy (and neither does corvo btw), and as we go on and on in the game it’s obvious that those labeled as antagonists or not on our side are better humans that merely received wrong treatment and shaped them wrongly.  delilah is utterly fascinating.  of course, outsider, by his own morals (he has them, surprisingly) would not support the whole dictatorship thing that delilah is trying to pull off, but at least she’s innovative, highly intelligent and finds ways other than the sheer power of her title to gain what she did. why is he not monitoring her? why did he not do that in the first place? 

3. obviously, the whole thing where daud had to stop her was something he found amusing to watch ---- & you see... in the first game, albeit stoic, you could clearly hear he had arrogance of own amusement lurking behind him. all of this was a play, and he’d make sure you knew he watched. you didn’t know how. you didn’t know where. you just knew he did.  he incited mystery and intrigue in you, the player, as did the realm he was from.  you knew he was powerful simply because of how he viewed you.  he could withstand anything you did to him and he could sense you everywhere in his realm. he had an eye on you, every you did or didn’t go.  

in the second game they almost ripped this away. he didn’t sense delilah in a place that most definitely would’ve been the most sensitive of all? what? how? like i don’t understand this.  why didn’t he stop her? i have yet to find an explanation for this other than “the god we established to be the most powerful in our own lore is now useless for the plot”.  it’s just so silly.

4. it’s clear he doesn’t just care about royalty, or those in high power.  if he did, he might as well have marked jindosh! jindosh would have been a very interesting marked.  the height of scientific profiency combined with magic based on his personality.. you can’t look me in the eye and tell me that’s not something he wouldn’t enjoy.  

overall, i feel like his own desire for morality has been compromised to simply favor the player and act as a sort of informant rather than a god who is so powerful the world will collapse if his essence, as he is, dies.  he no longer speaks of what intrigues him about you, about the possibilities, no longer uses his vivid vocabulary to express just how interesting your choices are. no, he tells you a story for context of a mission.  that’s literally it.  there’s nothing beautiful or mysterious anymore about this person that was once a feared god in the series.  his humanity is emphasized wrongly.  

in the first game it is evident he is not just an empty vessel of the void by the way he talks to you, either as daud or corvo.   both his wording and tone & possible disdain speak volumes, albeit it is very subtle.  his “care” for the lonely rat boy? the deeper connection between him and daud that’s hinted at?  he HAD to have some form of.. sympathy towards delilah to gift her the mark, knowing what she’d been through.

in the second game it’s so in your face it’s almost offensive.  with it comes a type of weakening that is just poor writing and characterization, forgetting he is the catalyst of all things,  the very reason the abbey exists, the very reason the empress could be killed, the very reason delilah even HAS the opportunity to do what he does.  all of that feels ripped away from him for the sake of relatability and guidance, which shouldn’t have been his job in the first place.

i’m tired so this might not be extremely eloquent but these are just a few of the things that bothered me about dishonored 2 outsider.

[elusianknight]

I've id'd as bi as far back as I can remember but I have a really strong preference for women. People don't believe me because I've dated 3 guys and one lady but I'm in a super homophobic household; I can't just bring a girlfriend home. It's disheartening tbh :( And with the exception of one, I never felt very strongly so I don't even know if bi is the right label. It's confusing.

Ah is this in relation to that compulsory heterosexuality post? I feel like anyone who's LGBT constantly second-guesses themselves. I've confidently identified as a lesbian for years but the intrusive "but what if?" sorts of thoughts never stop. Honestly, feel free to use whatever word feels right for you. If you're having doubts about being bi and feel more comfortable using the word lesbian for yourself? Then go for it. The like Problems™ that people have with people using the word lesbian for themselves is like the whole "oh I'm a biromantic lesbian" bullshit or whatever--like, if someone is confidently like "yeah, I would willingly date a man and actively seek out a relationship with one" then... No, they're not a lesbian. It's basically people who try to use the word when they are very sure that it does not fit them. But if you like women, even if you have doubts, it's still okay to call yourself a lesbian. Even if you think you might ~~really~~ be attracted to men or whatever even though you would only seek out relationships with women, don't let those thoughts stop you. I identified as bi before I identified as a lesbian, but that also didn't last too long (I also briefly identified as a straight asexual before that, technically). It was in middle school and I had never dated anyone, not that that means you can or can't identify a certain way, but like I didn't know much about dating and relationships to begin with at that point lol. It was basically "I'm afraid of liking girls, but I think I do, but it's too scary to rule out boys just yet." My personal experience as a clueless middle schooler basically. But! Lots of bi and pan people have preferences, and that's totally okay! I have a bi friend who majorly prefers and has only dated women, and a pan friend who prefers and has only dated men. And I know they also struggle with thoughts of "but what if I'm really x" because of that. And I'm sure homophobia/biphobia plays a huge role in it as well. Society is terrible to bi people, with the whole "why don't they just choose" thing (I feel a bit silly mentioning it like of course you know it's a thing lol). So while I cannot completely know how it feels to have that specific extra pressure, I can imagine the results: even more doubting yourself and questioning. And of course bigoted family members... My mom was so homophobic at first and though she mostly accepts me now, kind of still is homophobic. It's so draining. So I feel ya there. But remember that you don't owe it to them to come out. If they make you feel like coming out would jeopardize you in some way, it's very reasonable to choose to stay in the closet. I mean, it's your safety/wellbeing/quality of life, after all. People may not believe you about how you feel, but you know yourself better than they do. If you have a preference for women, then you know that. Even if people wrongly believe that your dating history tells them such personal details about you.It may seem obvious, but you live on your own and stuff, you'll have more freedom to live and love how you want to, but there's no rush. I mean, assuming you live w your homophobic parents at the moment. It also may sound weird, but your parents will almost definitely appreciate you more once you're separated from them (college, moving out). They may be more open to changing their beliefs when you're an adult and they treat you as one. And if they really love you and want you to be happy, they'll come around, even if it takes awhile. But even if it takes a long time (it did for my parents) they will eventually come around. You don't have to prove your very valid identity to anyone (though I know what it's like to feel that way). This got kinda long-winded and unsurprisingly disorganized, but, yeah. Your identity is valid, anon, even if you question it and even if it changes. Realizing things about yourself isn't a death sentence to what you thought described you, but more of embracing a new perspective of yourself. Or, you know, something less cheesy.