#aren’t you the horse from horsin’ around? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ordinaryschmuck · 4 years

Text

Top 20 BEST Animated Series of the 2010s-3rd Place

It’s here that I feel I should give a couple warnings about this next show.

My #3 pick is NOT meant for children. Not in a way that Rick and Morty or Camp Camp aren’t meant for children (as in, as long as you’re twelve years old, you’ll still enjoy it), but in a way that this show deals with topics that kids are not ready to talk about yet. Hell, there are topics that some adults aren’t prepared to talk about.

This brings me to my next warning. If you feel as though your interests are random comedies or if you use cartoons to escape, DON’T WATCH THIS SHOW. It may not seem like it at first, but this series will not only make it clear that you shouldn’t ignore your problems and will actually bring them right towards you in a raging force.

Finally, you shouldn’t just binge this one. It’s best to watch a couple episodes a day and get back to it later because out of all the series that I’ve talked about thus far, it’s #3 that isn’t really a fun ride the whole way through. In a complementary way, that is.

#3-Bojack Horseman (2014-2020)

The Plot: Back in the ’90s, Bojack Horseman was the star of a famous TV show called Horsin’ Around. Years after the show got canceled, he is now a drunken mess just trying to stay relevant in today’s television market. Will he get his big break, or is he just a one-trick pony?

I meant it when I said this is a show for adults. Bojack Horseman has topics and storylines that kids are not ready to see or hear. Or at least, Bojack Horseman has topics that they’re not capable enough to understand at such a young age. Topics that actually utilize what other “adult” cartoons use as cheap tricks to get that mature rating. Most shows just have characters drink and do drugs to look mature. Bojack Horseman uses drugs and alcohol as cautionary tales for alcoholism, opium adiction, and the high possibility of a person dying from a drug overdose. In fact, where most adult cartoons treat death as a joke, Bojack Horseman is a series that, for the most part, actually treats death as the final end that it is. And where most shows use sex as a symbol of maturity, Bojack Horseman actually appropriates sex to tell a story. Whether showing the faults of having angry sex with your partner or even utilizing the chance to talk about abortion. That’s right, there is an entire episode that talks about abortion in this show. Not even Family Guy, a series that relies on crude shock humor, had the balls to deal with this subject...okay, that’s not entirely true. Family Guy actually did have the balls to talk about abortion, but the network cut them off. Still, the point is that Bojack Horseman is a show that doesn’t seem afraid to talk about whatever the hell it wants to talk about.

And trust me when I say talk because this show is the most dialogue-heavy series on this list. This should be a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that the dialogue is fantastic due to how it’s so...real. The conversations, arguments, and monologues that these characters have with each other sounds like things actual people would say to each other. For example, the episode “Free Churro” is just a half-hour of Bojack Horseman giving a eulogy at his mother's funeral. And I’m not kidding when I say that it’s the best episode of the entire series. Because I don’t hear Will Arnet voicing a character. I hear a man explaining to an audience about his mother's life and the complicated relationship she had with him. And just like a real-life eulogy, you’ll hang on to every word this guy says.

Now not all of Bojack Horseman’s dialogue is natural because the show’s surreal sense of humor practically ruins it. Usually, I like it when a show tries to balance darkness with a light sense of humor, and at times this one can be pretty hilarious to watch. It’s just the moments where the characters say something bizarre or meta that the comedy could use a little polish. Because when you’re so used to characters speaking like actual human beings, the immersion is broken when they say something unhuman like. And because of this, the show’s comedy is easily the weakest point of it. It’s not bad comedy, but it would help if it didn’t drag the series down with it.

But what doesn’t drag the series down is its main antagonist. Bojack Horseman has the most unique and original interpretation of who should go against Bojack himself. Because here’s the thing: Bojack’s greatest enemy isn’t an intergalactic dictator, a demon from another dimension, or even a person trying to get revenge. The biggest enemy to Bojack Horseman, is in fact, Bojack Horseman. Every little awful, depressing, and downright life-threatening thing that happens to this character is almost always his own fault. Because everything, to the hatred from Bojack's friends and family, his career getting ruined, and his own alcoholism all traces back to Bojack. The show really makes it hard to root for a character like him due to his actions. In fact, one episode practically points out how it’s wrong to root for someone like him. And you shouldn’t. He’s an awful individual, and no one in their right mind would feel any remorse for him. But you do. Because unlike other a-hole characters in adult animation, Bojack actually wants to change and tries hard to be better. But every time it looks like he takes a step forward, he always ends up taking ten steps back. And again, it’s absolutely his own fault. Because even though he’s the protagonist, he’s still the show’s antagonist. And it amazes me how well this series proves that your worst enemy is yourself.

And I know that sounds depressing, but here’s the thing: Depressing is what the show is. It will make you feel depressed and empty inside with nearly every episode. How? By telling the audience things they don’t want to hear but need to hear. Things such as how people don’t change. How there’s always going to be a voice in your head telling you that you’re an awful piece of s**t, and it won’t go away. How in life, there are no happy endings. And that last one is something that came straight out of the horse’s mouth. Understandably so, not everyone is going to be into a series telling them things such as this. In fact, that’s the main reason why Bojack Horseman is #3 and not #1.

I can’t, in good conscience, recommend it to just anybody. Sure, I can watch it with little to no problems because I’m in a comfortable place, both spiritually and mentally. But some people aren’t, and the last thing they need is a constant reminder of how awful their lives are. Call it selfish, but I call it giving a break to those who need it.

Bojack Horseman isn’t like anything else you’ll find on TV. It has some of the best drama and storytelling I have ever seen, despite minor hiccups I may have with it. Not everyone will be into it, and I’ll always understand why, but I hope those who do will have a great viewing experience. Because I’m not Horsin’ Around when I say that this show is incredible.

(Side note: Half the characters are anthropomorphic animals and the other half are actual human beings. I know it’s weird that I didn’t mention it, but the show rarely does, so I felt it wasn’t too important)

#top 20 of 2010s #bojack horseman #what i thought about

7 notes · View notes

yugihteseht · 4 years

Text

BoJack Horseman has a very characteristic comedic philosophy and that's what makes it stand out:

- There's no saying where the comedy ends and the tragedy starts. The Showstopper "I think he's really choking her""turn the camera back on", the face of depression - unless thou art a witch "seize her" & "and that concludes our reenactment of an early horse service" amidst the most pure moment of bojacks entire 6 season arc, the telescope - bojack "are the gay thing and rectal cancer thing related" during most emotionally intense confrontation of the season, Downer Ending's "hey aren't you the horse from horsin around" where silence could've been great. In a very similar situation in future episodes we've seen pure silence here.

- Comedy trumps character. All characters are bent for the comedy. it's impossible for Mr. PB to know so much about niche and pop for his comedic references, or for BoJack to know and have detailed critique on Sartre's philosophy. The animals make animal references for the comedy (mr. pb can't eat chocolate) but don't demonstrate animal qualities in practice (Wanda sleeps in day time) + all characters except main ones are intended to be one dimensional for the comedy, but they are given a personality where it's required to achieve comedy - eg. the man who went off about our "rugged individualistic culture..." in thoughts and prayers, the shooting thing, "I am more than my job" - the waiter who started dropping wisdom in the best thing that ever happened. Pinky comes to the mr. pb fundraiser despite being the cheapest character on the show, just for the comedy.

#bojack

4 notes · View notes

bojokehorseman · 5 years

Text

The Big BJ Meta

Part One: Analysis of Seasons 1 - 5

So Bojack is a show that is as much about morality and accountability as it is about dealing with existential loneliness and trauma. And bc Boj season six is the first part of an accumulation of a six season journey, we need to recap a little.

[major triggers for alcohol, drugs, parental abuse, sexual abuse and physical abuse]

Season 1 introduces us to this dissatisfied, overly-privileged, cynical narcissist. Boj, in my opinion, is prototypical of literally any male art teacher: a self-proclaimed worldly artist who’s given up on his dreams and tends to take it out on everyone else & self destruct despite his occasional moments of genuine wit. We briefly explore his neglectful childhood and his dysfunctional influence on his TV daughter, Sarah Lynn, that continues to present day.

Diane’s book—which, inexplicably, is clearly not written as a ghostwritten autobio but maybe this breach in contract is bc the penguin editor is so desperate—anyways, boj’s strong negativity to Diane’s book represents not only his self hatred but his inability to accept the way he’s perceived by others. He wants to disassociate from the bad parts of his personality as to avoid their consequences and continue the cycle anew. When Bojack asks Diane if he’s a good person “deep down”, Diane tells him he can only be a good person by doing good things. Looking back at the relationships he’s sabotaged: Herb, Todd, Diane, even Sarah Lynn, this depresses him. However, his tell-all book and his negative worldview are what get him his dream role. The season ends with him signing an autograph at the planetarium, subsequent to watching old Horsin Around DVDs. I suspect he visited the planetarium in an attempt to reconnect w Sarah Lynn (conscious or otherwise), meanwhile the autograph signifies that on a superficial level, he’s on top of the world.

Boj season 2 explores how he tries to “cure” his depression by pushing down his negative feelings and replacing them with new goals, new furniture, new podcasts. But as Kelsey Jennings says, people get stuck in a loop of arrested development when their emotional growth goes unchallenged, exemplified by the fact that Boj finds himself dating the one and only woman on Earth who’s mentally stuck in the eighties due to a twenty-year coma. This aggressive positivity to the point of delusion shows up especially when Bojack is unable to act out serious scenes in secretariat and is more comically exemplified in Princess Carolyn’s relationship to a ten year old in a trench coat.

Boj’s self-help attitude subsides when he receives a call from his emotionally vaulted mother and Herb dies of a peanut allergy. With the realisation that his dream job hasn’t fulfilled him, he seeks meaning in his old crush Charlotte who was once Herb’s beard. The reality that Charlotte’s settled down with a family in New Mexico, thus crushing his domestic fantasy of them living in a cottage in mane, spurs him further into escapism and destructive tendencies. He takes adavange of Charlotte’s teenaged daughter, having displaced his feelings toward Charlotte onto Penny. (Themes of sexual assault are also explored in the Hanky After Dark B plot.) Charlotte kicks him out and Bojack tries to mend his relationship with Todd by rescuing him from Scientologists an improv cult. Bojack then renames the Bojack Horseman Orphanage (funded by his horsin around money) in honour of Herb. The Jogging Baboon tells him, ‘Every day it gets easier. But you gotta do it everyday. That’s the hard part. But it gets easier.’ Despite his inappropriate bender with Penny, Bojack ends the season with small efforts to become a better person, through action rather than superficial notions of “deep down” or self help.

In s3, Boj spends the season promoting a movie he wasn’t actually in. During the award winning silent episode which makes the most use out of the series’ drowning metaphor (water as depression; swimming as the acceptance of accountability and the small daily acts that connect you with people and make life bearable), Bojack’s failed attempt to reconcile with Kelsey for getting her fired leads him instead into rescuing a baby seahorse separated from their father. Boj, however still has not found a sense of meaning in his life as he admits to Jill Pill that he wants to make work that “connects with people” and “lasts” and hopes that an Oscar win will afford him the legacy he craves. Bojack further sabotages his relationship with Todd when he sleeps w Todd’s high school sweetheart, Emily (notably after he’s sabotaged then saved a lesbian wedding). Shenanigans lead him to reminisce with Princess Carolyn, admitting that he loves her but ultimately refusing to be her client. Bojack loses his Oscar then spirals back into yet another season finale depressive episode, once more with Sarah Lynn. After Sarah Lynn dies, Bojack goes along with Ethan’s idea of a spinoff of Horsin Around but eventually leaves, scared he’ll recreate his destructive tendencies with (and possibly kill) his child actor co-star. After Todd burns their bridge, Boj is aimlessly driving his Tesla at suicidal speeds until he notices a group of horses racing in the desert, moved by the authenticity of what Secretariat merely imitates.

Season 4 has Bojack try to reconcile his mother’s trauma with the abuse she made him suffer all while Beatrice isn’t lucid enough to be cognitively present. Hollyhock, as his potential daughter, is symbolically aligned with Penny and Sarah Lynn: young women who faced the consequences of Bojack’s toxicity. This season’s twist, however, introduces the idea that Bojack is a part of a cycle of abuse. Hollyhock is his sister, conceived bc of his father’s affair with the maid. Her abandonment at birth isn’t Bojacks’s fault but rather Butterscotch’s infidelity and Beatrice’s obsession with class and appearances (which is admittedly a v pragmatic move in her point of view). Beatrice’s trauma w food disorder explains her abusive behaviour towards Hollyhock who herself becomes traumatised and physically ill from the diet pills Beatrice hid in Holly’s smoothies. Bojack finds hope in Hollyhock who stands as evidence that his legacy of trauma and abuse isn’t inherent, Hollyhock, however has to deal with the trauma of being secretly drugged.

Season five more explicitly explores themes of sexual abuse, previously only briefly touched upon with Penny and Hank’s characters. Bojack stars as a jaded street smart detective, an uncanny charicature of his own personality. This season has Bojack try in earnest to be sober. In Free Churro, another award winning experimental episode, Bojack nihilistically reflects on his relationship with his mother. With her death, all of his abusers will have gone to the other side, leaving him with the responsibility of continuing or abolishing the abuse cycle. When Boj develops an addiction to painkillers, he spirals down an addiction hole that compromises his relationship w co-star Gina and even his relationship to reality. Bojack physically assaults her onset. Gina decides not to go public to further her career. Diane discovers Bojack’s history with Penny and writes it into the story of Bojack’s show before confronting him about it directly at the premiere. Bojack admits to Diane that he feels victimised by the guilt his abuse causes him, signaling that Boj is still in denial and unable to accept the consequences of his actions. (“Fun” fact Boj hints at what he did to Sharona in this scene) Bojack later consfesses to Diane that he thinks he’s a bad person while Diane accuses him of using black and white morality to avoid his own sense of responsibility because there’s “no such thing as bad people” only “bad actions”. Diane decides that Bojack is a bad influence for her, Bojack admits he doesn’t know how to take responsibility for himself and Diane drives him to rehab.

TL ; DR

Season one was about accepting the dissonance between your self perception and your actions.

Season two asserts that trying to escape from yourself or finding purpose in superficial goals that aren’t oriented toward connection w others is futile. Meaning comes from bridging the gap through small acts of (empathetic) honesty and kindness, as The Jogging Baboon advises.

In season three, Boj tries but is not ultimately able to come to terms with the people he’s hurt, namely Sarah Lynn and Penny. The guilt consumes him and he copes once more through escapism and self-destruction until an epiphany in the form of running horses makes him realise what his life might look like if he was honest with himself.

Season four explores Bojack’s actions in the context of his childhood trauma as well as the trauma of his own abusers: his mother. His sister represents a fallacy in his fatalistic notion that all Horseman dna is toxic and offers him hope.

Season five however comes with the confession that Bojack doesn’t know how to properly take responsibility for his actions, as a celebrity he’s never truly held accountable and is enabled to continue to indulge in escapism and denial. This season marks the worst thing that he’s ever done on screen: choke his co-star. Second to that is how he enabled Sarah Lynn’s addiction, slept w her, and neglected her as her father figure. Finally Bojack tried to sleep with his crush’s seventeen year old daughter after getting her drunk at her own prom. All of which are brought up again in season five but almost never mentioned in season six (Part 1) outside the very beginning and very end. Diane takes Bojack to rehab as his first step toward true self-awareness.

Part Two: here

#abuse m tw #rape m tw #alcoholism tw #Bojack Horseman #bojack horseman season 6 #u #c #meta

67 notes · View notes

enestoestuve · 4 years

Text

Qué estuve escuchando #16

“Hey... Aren’t you the horse from Horsin’ Around?”

Cinco episodios de un podcast, que en su conjunto, cubren cinco temporadas. Eso es lo que estuve escuchando.

FlimCast – BoJack Horseman (temporadas 1-5)

Después de mucho tiempo sin siquiera haberla tocado, finalmente estoy viendo la sexta y última temporada de uno de los mejores dramedys de la década pasada: BoJack Horseman. La historia del caballo titular que se hizo famoso gracias a una sitcom noventera, pero que en la actualidad vive de sus viejas glorias, al mismo tiempo que trata de levantar una carrera que él mismo se sabotea, finalmente la estoy cerrando.

Muchas cosas pasaron entre el Netflix que aprobó esta serie, y el Netflix que decidió terminarla. Podía haber durado más, y haber explorado de forma más profunda la condición humana con los problemas que tienen los cinco personajes principales, pero ya no pasó. Lo único que puedo decir, es que hay que disfrutar lo que queda del viaje, y ver qué es lo que aprende BoJack de mirarse a sí mismo.

Netflix dividió la última temporada de la serie en 2 partes, pero cuando ambas se hicieron disponibles en su servicio, no me sentía en condiciones para terminar la serie. Ahora, con la temporada completa ya disponible, y como no tenía series vigentes, me decidí a verla, y al momento de escribir esto, estoy en el episodio 3.

“¿Qué pasa con las demás temporadas? ¿No quisiste verlas de nuevo?”, quizás es lo que se estén preguntando. La verdad es que no. Como ya tenía muy presente el final de la quinta temporada, me fui de cabeza a la sexta. Pero escogí otra forma de repasar la serie, y esa es el formato podcast.

En el FlimCast, Hermes El Sabio y Jennifer Vergara hablaron de BoJack Horseman, en un episodio por cada temporada, desde la primera hasta la quinta. Sé que otros podcasts como No Sabes Nada, Overly Animated Podcast, o Saturday Mourning Cartoons (este último tiene una entrevista al equipo técnico por el episodio “Free Churro”) también cubrieron la serie. ¿Por qué escogí el FlimCast? Como recordarán en el Qué estuve escuchando #7, Jennifer Vergara es psicóloga, y la perspectiva con la cual habla sobre la serie, es desde su experiencia profesional.

Queda advertido: Todos los podcasts se hicieron con su temporada correspondiente ya vista. Escúchenlos solo cuando ya vieron esa temporada... o si derechamente no les importan los spoilers.

FlimCast #208 - Temporada 1

Flims Network · FlimCast 208: BoJack Horseman, temporada 01.

FlimCast #211 - Temporada 2

Flims Network · FlimCast 211: BoJack Horseman, temporada 02.

FlimCast #215 - Temporada 3

Incluye una conversación sobre Ella (Her), de Spike Jonze.

Flims Network · FlimCast 215: BoJack Horseman, temporada 03 + Her.

FlimCast #225 - Temporada 4

Flims Network · FlimCast 225: BoJack Horseman, temporada 04.

FlimCast #233 - Temporada 5

Flims Network · FlimCast 233: BoJack Horseman, temporada 05.

Disponible en SoundCloud, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, y otras plataformas de podcasts.

#Qué estuve escuchando #FlimCast #BoJack Horseman

1 note · View note

scrawnydutchman · 6 years

Text

“There’s Always More Show”; A Bojack Horseman Essay

It’s about time I talked about one of the finest ongoing shows in animation right now. I. LOVE. Bojack Horseman. I must have binged the whole series 5 times at this point, and it’s rare for even my absolute favorite shows to get me to do that. The dialogue is so poignant I have entire exchanges between characters burned into my memory. The jokes and societal commentary are so on point that many lines have gotten me to burst out laughing among company.The characters themselves are so complex, so filled with depth, that they are all well deserving of their own analysis. The writing is SO tight and the storytelling so consistently engaging that I hang onto every little detail. I swear they foreshadow events from as late as season 4 and 5 as early as season 1. Even it’s animation, while admittedly pretty primitive character rigging with a handful of noticeable errors, takes some amazing creative liberty at times, particularly with subjectivity in the drug trips. While the art design has taken a few people off guard for it’s blinding colors and it’s premise has discouraged a less open minded audience with it’s animal-human hybrids living among people, those who stick with the show will get a sophisticated while simultaneously wacky romp that is both the silliest and most real show you can watch right now. So with a show this dense that has characters this deep, there are many themes it tackles such as the perpetual meaninglessness of existence or the pursuit to being a good person, but there’s a more central theme Bojack keeps bringing up which I’d like to talk about.

Oh and, uh, Spoilers incoming for Bojack Horseman . . . obviously. Get Netflix and watch all of this show right now before reading. seriously. But for those reading who don’t care about spoilers but are interested in what makes Bojack so great and may like to watch it themselves, here’s a brief summary:

Bojack Horseman (played by Will Arnett) Is a horse-man hybrid living out the so called “glamorous” life style in Hollywood, Los Angeles (later called “Hollywoo” in the series for reasons I won’t spoil here). Out of work, out of shape and out of touch, Bojack wastes away his days in sorrow as a past-his-prime actor who goes day to day being disrespected. Back in the 90s he was the star of a very famous “full house”-esque sitcom called “Horsin’ Around” and he longs for the days where he was in the prime of his life, but nowadays he mostly just sits around the house watching old reruns of his show. He constantly struggles with depression, dependancy on narcotics . . . and the ongoing guilt he feels for every shitty thing he’s done in life . . . and as viewers will no doubt find out . . . Bojack has a LOT of baggage. He finds new friends in life like his responsible ghost writer of his memoir Diane Nguyen (played by Alison Brie), his easygoing freeloader and best friend Todd Chavez (played by Aaron Paul), his happy go lucky Labrador rival Mr. Peanutbutter (played by Paul F. Tompkins) and his workaholic pink cat agent Princess Carolyn (played by Amy Seradis). The show centres around his ongoing relationships with these people as well as their own journeys of self discovery . . . and the occasional wacky schemes. Through his surrounding positive influences can Bojack learn to grow past his personal demons? Or will his shitty tendencies and depressing outlook permanently spoil the lives of the people closest to him like he so often fears?

Spoilers begin NOW

In what is perhaps my favorite episode of the show, episode 6 of Season 5 titled “Free Churro”, Bojack gives an improvised eulogy for his recently deceased mother . . . and that’s it. The episode is just a full 20 minutes of Bojack talking about his dead mom . . . and struggling to find anything positive to say about her. His mom was nothing but cold, hard and abusive to Bojack his entire life and Bojack laments about how he never received a single loving gesture from his mother for as long as he’s known her . . and now that she’s dead that chance is permanently gone. In his ramblings, he mentions an episode of Horsin’ Around in which the writers juice the idea of main cast character Olivia leaving the show for good, only for her to be written back into the status quo, because as Bojack puts it

“Of course that’s what happened, because what are you gonna do? Just not have Olivia on the show? You can’t have happy endings in sitcoms -- not really -- because if everyone’s happy, the show would be over, and above all else the show has to keep going. There’s always more show. (And) You can call Horsin’ Around dumb, or bad, or unrealistic, but there’s nothing more realistic than that. You never get a happy ending, because there’s always more show.”

That right there sums up the entire ongoing struggle of every character in this show. In many ways, Bojack Horseman the Netflix series is like a typical sitcom turned upside down. You have an ongoing setup of colourful, over the top characters doing outrageous things for our amusement, and in a lot of ways they’re actually terrible people but they’re just SO endearing that we have to keep tuning into their antics. Much like how an average Friends episode is about every titular friend trying haphazardly to cover up a lie for 20 minutes when their problems would so easily be over if they just had the maturity to be honest about how they’re feeling, characters like Bojack, Todd and Mr. Peanutbutter are always up to something silly whether it’s poorly covering up a lie or coming up with elaborate sabotages for selfish ends. But there’s one core difference. In Friends, everybody forgives each other in the end. In the gritty and merciless world of Bojack Horseman . . . every wrongdoing has long term consequences, some of which can never be forgiven.

Bojack’s antics especially cause permanent stains on his relationships. When he sabotaged Todd’s rock opera by getting him readdicted to a video game so he wouldn’t leave, he permanently makes a wound in his and Todd’s relationship. He only makes it worse when he has sex with Emily, Todd’s best friend and kinda-sorta girlfriend. Todd had faith in Bojack early on in the show, but he makes it apparent later on that the less he has to do with Bojack the better off he is. Todd’s an easygoing friend that can forgive easily, but Bojack really tests his patience. As he said once he found out Bojack had sex with Emily

“You can’t keep doing shitty things and then feel bad about yourself like that makes it okay. You need to be better.”

In the luxurious yet phony and superficial world of Hollywoo, everyone has an outlook on life as if it’s a sitcom. The center of mass produced film and television has everyone believing in achieving against the odds, amending their wrongs in the end and getting satisfying conclusions as if the credits of their very own movie will roll any second. But real life keeps on hitting these characters like a truck, as if to say “there is no happy ending , you aren’t the main character and the harm you’ve caused is permanent. Get used to it.” Bojack gets his hard hitting reality more prominently than anyone. He keeps looking for backdoor solutions to his pain like getting back with Charlotte, starting a new Horsin’ Around spinoff, finding meaning far away from L.A. or straight up finding solace in drugs, but every solution to his search for meaning ends in him hurting somebody else even more. He has to separate the idea from his head that shitty things like nearly sleeping with your old friends daughter is just a wacky sitcom hijinks situation, and that the guilt he feels is just an ongoing conflict he feels every day. He even tries at one point to get forgiveness from his old show writer Herb Kezzaz after betraying him, only to be greeted with Herb saying

“No. I’m not going to give you closure. You don’t get that. You have to live with the shitty thing that you did for the rest of your life.”

Sometimes Bojack will go to more silly extents for his so desired “happy ending”, like humming his own credits as he embraces Sarah Lynn when she comes out of rehab.

But as screwed up as Bojack is, he’s not the only one who’s mind is warped by the empty promise of a “happy ending”. Diane Nguyen, for as much as she comes off as the moral compass of the show who isn’t afraid to call anyone out for their bullshit, is what I like to call “Bojack lite”. While she’d be grossly offended by the accusation that she’s anything like Bojack, she shares a lot of his toxic traits. Sure, she’s not actively life ruining for anyone, but she has a tendency to harshly criticize people as a means to deflect any criticism towards herself and she often manages to find the negative connotation to even the best of situations. Also, she struggles with getting drunk a lot too, which is often enabled by Bojack. Diane makes a lot of rash decisions in her life hoping she’ll find some sort of “happy ending”. She married Mr. Peanutbutter longing for a simpler, more laid back life for she just settles down with her loving husband. However, unwilling to keep up with Mr. Peanutbutters love for spontaneity and grand gestures, she ends up divorcing him, deciding instead to try and find solace in being her own woman who doesn’t need a mans affection to be happy . . .but that leaves her empty too. Every time she gets what she asked for, she ends up having to fight all the challenges that go with it, and those challenges end up obscuring her vision of that made her want that thing in the first place. She thinks it’s something wrong with her, like she just can’t ever be satisfied.

“Why can’t I be happy? Am I busted?!”

If we’re comparing each Bojack Horseman character to standard sitcom fare, Mr. Peanutbutter likely comes the closest to fitting the mold of what we expect from a likable television comedy protagonist. Everyone loves him. He’s endearing, he’s funny, he’s sweet. He makes silly mistakes but has a good heart, and even if he does touch some raw nerves along the way he can usually win his audience back with some sort of grand gesture. If Diane is Bojack Lite, then Mr. Peanutbutter is the yin to Bojack’s yang. They live virtually the same lives to a point where Mr. Peanutbutter even got famous off of what is blatantly a knock off of Horsin’ Around, The key difference though is that while Bojack is incurably pessimistic, Mr. Peanutbutter is obnoxiously optimistic, and why wouldn’t he be? He sees the good in everything and everyone and manages to get his way shearly through people loving him. He never has to learn anything because nobody ever challenges him. But that precisely is the rub. Mr. Peanutbutter is a cautionary tale about what would happen if you DID get that life full of happy endings and comfortable conclusions. Much like how many a sitcom protagonist never learns to tell the truth or to take responsibility for their own health, Mr. Peanutbutter never grows past his mistakes. It’s why he always does grand gestures for Diane despite her repeating several times that she doesn’t like them. It’s why he keeps dating women much younger than himself. It’s why he keeps getting divorced. He never takes any kind of long term lesson from what happens to him and never evolves as a person. Nowhere is this more prominent than in Season 5. Whenever Mr. Peanut butter does something wrong, he’s usually blind to the responsibility he must take to it. He either dismisses it as somebody else being mean or unreasonable or he makes an empty promise to not do it again. But for the first time ever, he partakes in betraying somebody he cares about. After divorcing Diane and getting with Pickles the Pug waitress . . . he has sex with Diane again behind Pickles’ back. This time there’s nobody to blame but himself . . and he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that he did an unforgivably shitty thing. In fact, he’s the least equipped character to do so in the whole show. He even pleads for Diane to break the news to Pickles and tries to force a silver lining by getting back with Diane as a result of it. In the season finale, when Mr. Peanutbutter has to tell the awful truth and knowingly hurt somebody close to him . . .much like a sitcom character, he instead pulls a happy ending out of his ass and decides to propose to Pickles instead. He actively decides not to do the tough, but right decision, and thus does not evolve. This is especially interesting in the finale because, for the first time ever, Bojack is a step ahead of Mr. Peanutbutter when it comes to committing to making things right. After Bojack nearly strangles Gina to death on his drug high, he turns himself into rehab with the help of Diane and starts taking real steps to self improvement. In contrast, Mr. Peanut butter . . . is just up to his same old tricks.

You wanna talk about reaching that sitcom happy ending? It’s all this workaholic cat ever thinks about. Princess Carolyn leads life with the philosophy that with enough grit and go-getter attitude you can make anything happen for yourself . . . and to an extent that actually serves her pretty well. She gets out of her hick town to pursue her dreams as an agent and whenever the other characters are knee deep in their own mess she’s always the one with the solution to get them out. She compulsively helps people while refusing to take help for herself because . . well, she wants a happy ending . . .but she wants to be the one responsible for it. She had an opportunity as a kid to have everything in her life decided for her but once she had her miscarriage and that dream fell apart, she instead decided to pursue a career in the big city. She made tons of sacrifices to get where she is including leaving her own mother, and she’s also afraid of falling into the same trap of dependency she almost fell into as a kid again. That’s why she rejects Ralph Stilton’s offer to help her with her adopted baby, even though he’s irrefutably the best boyfriend she ever had. Time and time again Princess Carolyn will willingly be pushed right up to the edge before she accepts any kind of help, because she thinks doing so is a sign of weakness. She keeps herself motivated with fantasies about that wonderful happy ending, whether that means living in a cottage in a beautiful painting or succeeding enough that some future ancestor can give her class a family heritage report all about what a great ass kickin’ gal she is. While Princess Carolyn is definitely the most well adjusted and most durable to the constant hustle and beating down of reality, she’s got her own toxic tendencies as a result of thinking she’s a main character. She thinks she’s got to do everything on her own . . . . and if she doesn’t get past that insecurity soon, it may swallow her whole.

At long last we come to mr. Todd Chavez, the endearing little brother of Bojack Horseman’s family of main characters. Upon first glance, Todd seems the least prepared for life’s harsh reality out of all our leads. He’s a 20-something year old with no real job, no real responsibilities and no real goals in life. He’s very upfront and honest about how he spends his time, be it spending all day watching Youtube videos . . . or building a knockoff Disneyland. And yet, when we analyze him with the thesis that these “sitcom characters” are all trying to get by in a cruel and merciless world, we suddenly realize that ironically . . . Todd grows the most naturally out of everyone. Bojack lets Todd down time and time again and rather than accepting status quo as God like many a sitcom character might do, he takes it upon himself to distance his relationship with Bojack. He initially has faith in Bojack to be better, but doesn’t beat around the bush when he’s lost his faith in him. When he realizes that he was nothing in common with Yolanda aside from being asexual, he breaks up with her before prolonging the painful inevitable. The cast of Bojack Horseman go through their share of changes in what they want and who they want to be, but Todd is always the one who knows what he needs and makes an honest effort to be better. He’s surprisingly wise for an adult manchild flunky. But he gets up to wacky sitcomish schemes too, about as much as Mr. Peanutbutter (who is often his partner in crime with these things) . . . yet even then through his ernestness and cuttthroat honesty he manages to overcome better than the other characters.

Conclusion:

*decided to include this gif because i love the animation in it*

Hollywoo is a world of sitcom characters pulled out of the TV and trying to get by in everyday life under the harsh, uncompromising grip of reality. In a culture so entrenched in it’s ideals of maintaining superficial likability and celebrating yourself no matter what you do or who you hurt, each character’s mind is warped into buying the illusion that for how screwed up they are there’s a happy ending waiting at the end of the horizon for them. They all deal with it with different levels of success. Some take change in life with stride like Todd. Some think they found their happy ending but only remain empty like Diane. Some get everything they ask for and thus never evolve and never better themselves like Mr. PeanutButter. Some cling on for deal life as they get everything thrown at them, believing that they’ll be rewarded in the end, like Princess Carolyn. And then . . . some are a depressing cocktail of all of those things. They have opportunity land at their feet and think they’ve finally done the thing that will preserve them, only to find themselves empty. They work through the pain in their life hoping that at any point they’ll get some grand gesture or reward that makes everything they endured worth it, only for that chance to become officially non existent. But occasionally . . . very occasionally . . . they do something wonderful and heartfelt and sincere that maintains a glimmer of hope for their capacity to be better. That is Bojack Horseman. Bojack hurts the people closest to him much like his parents did. He remains bitter and sad and petty and self important . . . but he IS better than his folks. He’s like his late mom . . . only for him the grand gesture really does come.

But as Bojack says

“The grand gesture isn’t enough. You have to be consistent. You have to be dependably good. You can’t just screw everything up and then take a boat out on the ocean to save your best friend or solve a mystery and fly to Cansas. You need to do it everyday, which is so . . . hard.”

The truth is, all of these characters, even Bojack, have the potential to be better as long as they deconstruct their worldview shaped by watching television. They have to rid themselves of the illusion. The illusion that there’s some great happy ending that’s going to make all the pain worth it. The only ending in life . . . is death. Until then, there’s always more show. Time’s arrow neither stands still nor reverses; it always marches forward. There will be days these characters make mistakes and days they do great things . . how much they do of either is up to them. Sometimes they’ll do things that they will never get closure for . . things that can’t be forgiven . . . but that doesn’t ruin their capacity to do right the next day. Bojack’s right . . .it IS hard to do better every single day. But as the jogger near Bojack’s house says “It gets easier”.

And my essay concludes . . . .riiiiiiight after this anecdote.

I think what makes Bojack Horseman so special is that it holds up a mirror to how a screen infested world has permanently warped our sense of self worth and our understanding of how life really works. In a way, we’re all “sitcom characters” roaming around real life. We think of ourselves as the main characters of our stories, that there’s some sort of satisfying conclusion waiting for us. That we can win whoever we want back with a grand gesture and that we never have to evolve, we just have to be “good enough” . . .and that’s all . . SO wrong. That mentality makes us toxic. It makes us self important and hypocritical and petty, while also leaving us empty. It makes us incomplete. We all have to learn that there’s no ending until we die, that we have to do good every day . . . and that we aren’t the main character. Everyone is important. Maybe we’ve been watching too many sitcoms and have had these fallacies drilled into our heads . . . and maybe Bojack Horseman is like a rehab for those bad tendencies. As Princess Carolyn points out in the finale of Season 4

“I got into this business because I love stories. They comfort us. They inspire us. They create a context for how we view the world. But also you have to be careful because if you spend a lot of time with stories you start to believe that life is just . . . stories. And it’s not. Life is life . . . and . . .that’s so sad, because . . .there’s so little time and . . . what are we doing with it?”

#bojack season 5 #bojackthoughts #bojack spoilers #bojack horseman #netflix #netflix original #animation #television

839 notes · View notes

violinspector · 5 years

Text

Me @ Donald Trump: hey, aren’t you the horse from horsin’ around?

#john mulaney voice: there’s a horse loose in the hospital—#mine #bojack horseman #politics #trump #funny #funny politics

13 notes · View notes

verlorentijden · 4 years

Text

Hey aren’t you that horse from Horsin’ Around?

1 note · View note

ah17hh · 5 years

Text

Original by u/Hey-im-right-here via /r/emojipasta

Original by u/Hey-im-right-here

Free 🆓🆓 Churro Monologue

So I stopped at a Jack in the Box 🍱🍱🍱 on 🔛🔛 the way ↕️ here 👈👈, and the girl 👶👶👶 behind the counter said, “Hiya! Are you having an awesome 👍 day?” Not, “How are you doing today?” No 😣. “Are you having an awesome 👍 day?” Which is 🈶 pretty... shitty, because it puts the onus on 🔛🔛 me to disagree with her, like 😄😄 if I’m not having an “awesome day,” suddenly I’m the negative one 1️⃣1️⃣. Usually when ⏰ people 👫👫 ask how 🤔 I’m doing, the real answer ✅ is 🈶, I’m doing shitty, but I can’t say 🗣🗣🗣 I’m doing shitty because I don’t even have 🈶🈶 a good 👌👍🏾 reason to be doing shitty. So if I say 🗣🗣🗣, “I’m doing shitty,” then they say 🗣, “Why? What’s wrong?” And I have 🈶🈶🈶 to be like 😄😄, “I don’t know 🤔, all of it?” So instead, when ⏰ people 👫👫 ask how 🤔 I’m doing, I usually say 🗣🗣, “I am doing so great 🇬🇧🇬🇧.” But when ⏰ this ⬆ girl 👶👶 at the Jack in the Box 🍱🍱 asked me if I was having an awesome 👍 day, I thought, “Well, today I’m actually allowed to feel shitty.” Today I have 🈶 a good 👌👍🏾 reason, so I said to her, “Well, My Möm died,” and she immediately burst into tears 😂😂😂. So now I have 🈶 to comfort her, which is 🈶 annoying, and meanwhile, there’s a line 〰️〰️〰️ of people 👫👫 forming behind me who 💁 are all giving me these real judgy looks because I made the Jack in the Box 🍱🍱 girl 👶👶 cry 😂😂. And she’s bawling, and saying, “I’m sorry 💔, I’m so sorry 💔💔,” and I’m like 😄, “It’s fine, it’s fine” I mean 😏, it’s not fine but, you know 🤔, it’s... fine. And I would like 😄😄 to order 📑 a Double Jack Meal 🍽, and I’ve kinda got somewhere to be, so maybe less ➖➖ with the crying 😂 and more ➕ with the frying, huh 😕? [inhales] And the girl 👶 apologizes again and she offers me a free 🆓 churro with my meal 🍽🍽. As I’m leaving, I think 🤔🤔, “I just got a free 🆓🆓 churro because my mom 👪 died.” No 😣😣😣 one 1️⃣1️⃣ ever tells you that when ⏰ your 👉 mom 👪👪 dies, you get 🉐🉐🉐 a free 🆓🆓 churro. [Clears Throat] Anyway, I’m sorry 💔💔, that’s not part of the... [Clears throat] All right 👉. Okay 👌, here 👈👈 we go. Let’s do this ⬆. Here 👈👈 I am BoJack Horseman doing an eulogy, let’s go. Beatrice Horseman, who 💁 was she? What 😅 was her deal? Well, she was a horse 🐴, Uh, she was born 🐣🐣🐣 in 1938. She died in 2018. One 1️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ time ⌚, she went to a parade, and one 1️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ time ⌚, she smoked a cigarette 🚬 in one 1️⃣1️⃣ long inhale. I watched her do it. Truly remarkable woman 👧. Lived a full 🈵🈵 life 💓, that lady 👩. Just, all the way ↕️ to the end 🔚🔚🔚, which is 🈶, uh, now, I guess. Really makes you think 🤔🤔 though, huh 😕? Life 💓, right 👉👉? Goes by, stuff happens. Then you die ⚰⚰. Okay 👌. Well, that’s my time ⌚⌚, you’ve been great 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧! Tip your 👉 waitress! No 😣😣😣, I’m just kidding around, there’s no 😣😣 waitress. But seriously, that’s all I have 🈶🈶 to say 🗣 about my mother 👪👪👪. No 😣😣😣 point 🈯 beating a dead 💀 horse 🐴🐴, right 👉? So... now what 😅? I don’t know 🤔, Mom 👪👪, you got any ideas? Anything? Mom 👪? No 😣😣? Nothing 🈚 to contribute? Knock once if you’re proud 😤😤 of me. Can I just say 🗣 how 🤔 amazing it is 🈶 to be in a room with my mother 👪👪👪, and I can just talk 🗣🗣 and talk 🗣🗣 without her telling 🗣 me to shut up ☝☝☝ and make her a drink 🍹? Hey 👋, Mom 👪👪. Knock once if you think 🤔 I should shut up ☝☝☝. No 😣😣😣? You sure? I mean 😏😏, I don’t want 😋 to embarrass you, by making this ⬆ eulogy into a me-olgy, so, seriously if you want 😋 me to sit 💺💺💺 down ⬇⬇ and let someone else talk 🗣, just knock once. I will not be offended. No 😣😣😣? Your 👉 funeral ⚰⚰. Sorry 💔💔 about the closed casket ⚰, by the way ↕️↕️. She wanted ⚠ an open 👐👐👐 casket ⚰⚰,but, you know 🤔, she’s dead 💀 now, so who 💁 cares about what 😅 she wanted ⚠. No 😣😣😣, that sounds bad 📉. I’m sorry 💔. I think 🤔 that if she could’ve seen what 😅 she looked like 😄😄 dead 💀, she’d agree 👍👍👍 it’s better this ⬆ way ↕️↕️↕️. She kinda looked like 😄😄 a pissed off dinosaur 🦖. The coroner couldn’t get 🉐🉐🉐 her eyes 🤩 closed. So, now her face 😀😀😀 is 🈶 frozen ⛄⛄ in a mass of tremendous horror and anguish. Or as my mother 👪 called it, Tuesday! Tuesday! My mom 👪👪 called it Tuesday. Hey 👋, Mom 👪, what 😅 did you think 🤔 of that joke? You like 😄😄 that? You never ❌ did care for my comedy. Here’s a story. When ⏰ I was a teenager 👦👦, I preformed a comedy routine for my high 🆙🆙 school 🎓 talent show 📺📺📺. There was this ⬆ cool 😎😎 jacket 🧥 that I wanted ⚠ to wear because I thought it would make me look 👁 like 😄😄😄 Albert Brooks. For months, I saved up ☝ for this ⬆ jacket 🧥, but when ⏰ I finally had enough, I went to the store and it was gone. They had just sold it to someone else. So, I went home 👪👪 and told my mother 👪👪👪. She said, “Let that be a lesson. That’s the good 👌👍🏾 that comes from wanting 😋 things.” She was really good 👌👍🏾 at dispensing life 💓 lessons that always 🕔 seemed to circle 🉐🉐🉐 back ⬅️ to everything being my fault. But then, on 🔛🔛 the day of the talent show 📺, my mother 👪👪 had a surprise 🤨🤨 for me. She bought me the jacket 🧥. Even though she didn’t know 🤔 how 🤔 to say 🗣🗣 it, I knew 🤔 this ⬆ meant she loved me. Now, that’s a good 👌👍🏾 story about my mother 👪👪👪. It’s not true, but it’s a good 👌👍🏾 story, right 👉👉👉? I stole it from an episode of Maude I saw when ⏰ I was a kid 👦, where 🤷 she would talk 🗣🗣 about her father 👨👨👨. I remember when ⏰ I saw it, thinking 🤔 that’s the kind of story I want 😋 to tell 🗣 about my parents 👪 when ⏰ they die ⚰⚰. But I don’t have 🈶 any stories like 😄 that. All I know 🤔 about being good 👌👍🏾 I learned from TV 📺📺. And In TV 📺📺, flawed characters 🔣🔣 are constantly showing people 👫 they care with these surprising grand gestures. And I think 🤔🤔 that part of me still believes that’s what 😅 love 😍😍 is 🈶. But in real life 💓, the big gesture 🤲🤲 isn’t enough. You need to be consistent, you need to be dependently good 👌👍🏾. You can’t just screw everything up ☝☝☝ and then take a boat ⛴ out 🏎🏍 in the ocean 🦑🦑🦑 to save 💾💾💾 your 👉 best 🏆 friend 🐶🐶🐶, or solve a mystery, and fly 🐦🐦🐦 to Kansas. You need to do it everyday, which is 🈶 so... hard. When ⏰ you’re a kid 👦, you convince yourself that maybe the grand gesture 🤲🤲🤲 could be enough. That even though your 👉 parents 👪👪 aren’t what 😅 you need them to be, over and over, and over again, at any moment, they might surprise 🤨🤨 you, with something... Wonderful. I kept waiting for that, the proof, that even though my mother 👪👪👪 was a hard woman 👧👧👧, deep down ⬇⬇, she loved me and cared about me and wanted ⚠ me to know 🤔 that i made her life 💓 a little bit brighter. Even now, I find 🔍🔍🔍 myself waiting. Hey 👋 Mom 👪, knock once if you love 😍 me and care about me, and want 😋 me to know 🤔 I made your 👉 life 💓 a little bit brighter. My mother 👪👪 did not go gentle into that good 👌👍🏾 night 😴😴. She went clawing and fighting 🥊🥊🥊 and thrashing, hence the face 😀😀😀. If you’d seen her, I swear to god the only thing you’d be thinking 🤔🤔 about right 👉👉👉 now is 🈶 that I am nailing this ⬆ impression. I was in the hospital 🚑🚑🚑 with her through those last moments, and they were truly horrific, full 🈵🈵 of nonsensical screams and cries, but there was this ⬆ moment, this ⬆ one 1️⃣ instant of strange calm, where 🤷 she looked into my direction ☝☝☝ and said, “I see 👁 you.” That was the last thing she said to me. “I see 👁 you.” Not a statement of judgement or disappointment, just acceptance and the simple recognition of another person 👤👤👤 in a room. “Hello, there. You are a person 👤👤. And I see 👁👁👁 you.” Let me tell 🗣 you, it’s a weird 😕 thing to feel at 54 years old 👴👴👴, that for the first 🥇🥇 time ⌚ in your 👉 life 💓 your 👉 mother 👪👪👪 sees you. It’s an odd realization that it’s the thing you’ve been missing, the only thing that you wanted ⚠ all along, to be seen. And it doesn’t feel like 😄 relief 😅, to finally be seen. It feels mean 😏, like 😄, “Oh, it turns out 🏎🏍 that you knew 🤔 what 😅 I wanted ⚠, and you waited until the very last moment to give it to me.” I was prepared for more ➕➕➕ cruelty. I was sure that she would get 🉐🉐 in one 1️⃣ final zinger, about how 🤔 I let her down ⬇⬇, and about how 🤔 I was fat and stupid, and too tall to be an effective Lindy-hopper. How 🤔 I was needy and a burden and an embarrassment. All that I was ready for. I was not ready for “I see 👁👁👁 you.” Only my mother 👪👪👪 would be lousy enough to swipe me with a moment of connection 📶📶📶 on 🔛🔛 her way ↕️↕️ out 🏎🏍. But maybe I’m giving her too much credit. Maybe it wasn’t about connection 📶📶. Maybe it was a.. Maybe it was a “I see 👁 you,” like 😄😄😄, “I see 👁 you.” Like 😄, “You May have 🈶🈶 the rest 😪😪😪 of the world 🌎🌎 fooled, but I know 🤔 exactly who 💁 you are.” That’s more ➕➕ my moms speed 🚅. Or maybe she just literally meant “I see 👁👁 you. You are an object that has entered my field of vision.” She was pretty out 🏎🏍 of it at the end 🔚🔚, so maybe it’s dumb to try to attribute it to anything. Back ⬅️ in the 90’s I was in a very famous TV 📺 show 📺 called “Horsin’ Around. Please 🙏🙏🙏 hold your 👉 applause 👏👏👏. And I remember one 1️⃣1️⃣ time ⌚⌚, a fan asked me, “Hey, um, you know 🤔 that episode where 🤷 the horse 🐴🐴 had to give Ethan a pep talk 🗣, after Ethan finds out 🏎🏍 his crush 😊😊 only asked him to the dance 💃 because her friends were only having a dorkiest date 👫 contest 🏆🏆🏆? In all the shots of the horse 🐴🐴🐴, you can see 👁 a paper 🖨🖨🖨 coffee ☕ cup on 🔛 the kitchen 🍯🍯 counter, but in the shots of Ethan, the coffee ☕☕ cup’s missing. Was that because the show 📺 was making a statement, about the fluctuant subjectivity of memory and how 🤔 even two ✌✌✌ people 👫👫 can experience 💯 the same moment in entirely different ways?” And I didn’t have 🈶 the heart 😍😍 to be like 😄😄, “No, man 👦👦👦, some crew guy 👦👦👦 just left 👈👈👈 their coffee ☕ cup in the shot 🥃🥃.” So, instead, I was like 😄😄... “Yeah.” And maybe this ⬆ is 🈶 like 😄😄 the coffee ☕☕ cup. Maybe, we’re dumb to try to pin significance onto every little thing. Maybe, when ⏰ someone says, “I see 👁 you,” it just means, “I see 👁👁👁 you.” Then again, it’s possible she wasn’t even taking to me. Because, if I’m honest, she wasn’t even talking to me, she was looking past me. There was nobody else in the room. So I think 🤔🤔 she was talking to me, but, honestly, she was so far gone at that point 🈯🈯, who 💁 knows 🤔 what 😅 she was seeing. Who 💁 were you talking to, Mom 👪👪? Not saying, huh 😕😕? Staying mum? No 😣 rimshot there? God, whatever I’m paying you, it’s too much. Maybe, she saw my dad 👨. My dad 👨 died about ten years ago of injuries he sustained during a duel. When ⏰ your 👉 father 👨👨👨 dies, you ask yourself a lot of questions. Questions like 😄😄😄, “Wait, did you say 🗣🗣🗣 he died in a duel?” and “Who dies in a duel?” The whole thing was so stupid. Dad 👨 spent 😵😵😵 his entire life 💓 writing 🖊 this ⬆ book 📖, but he couldn’t get 🉐🉐 any stores to carry it, or any newspapers to review it. Finally, I guess one 1️⃣ newspaper 📰📰📰 thought he was hilarious, because they wrote a review and tore him to shreds. So, my father 👨, ever the Proud 😤😤 Mary, decided he would not stand for this ⬆ besmirch ment of his honor. He claimed the critic didn’t understand what 😅 it meant to be a man 👦, so he demanded satisfaction in the form of pistols at dawn 🌇🌇🌇. He wrote the paper 🖨🖨, this ⬆ letter ✉️✉️, saying anyone who 💁 didn’t like 😄 his book 📖📖📖, he would challenge to a duel, anyone in the world 🌎. He’d even pay 💸 for airfare to San 🇸🇲 Francisco and a night 😴 in a hotel 🏨. Well, eventually this ⬆ found it’s way ↕️↕️ to some kook in Montana, who 💁 was as batshit as he was and took him up ☝ on 🔛🔛🔛 the offer. They met at Golden Gate Park and agreed: ten paces, then shoot 💫. But in the middle 🖕🖕🖕 of the ten paces, Dad 👨 turned to ask the guy 👦 if he’d actually read 🛋🛋 the book 📖 and what 😅 he thought, but, not looking where 🤷 he was going, tripped over an exposed root and basked his head 💆💆💆 on 🔛🔛🔛 a rock 🧗‍♀️. I wish 🙏🙏🙏 I’d known to go to Jack in the Box 🍱 then. I could have 🈶 gotten a free 🆓 churro. It would’ve been nice to have 🈶🈶 gotten something to show 📺 for being the son of ButterScotch Horseman. My darling mother 👪 gave the eulogy. My entire life 💓 I have 🈶 never ❌ heard her say 🗣🗣 a kind word to or about my father 👨, but at his funeral ⚰ she said, “My husband is 🈶 dead 💀💀💀, and everything is 🈶 worse now.” “My husband is 🈶 dead 💀💀💀, and everything is 🈶 worse now.” I don’t know 🤔 why 🤔 she said that. Maybe she felt that’s the kind of thing you’re supposed to say 🗣🗣🗣 at a funeral ⚰⚰⚰. Maybe she hoped one 1️⃣ day someone would say 🗣🗣🗣 that about her. “My mother 👪👪 is 🈶 dead 💀, and everything is 🈶 worse now.” Or maybe she knew 🤔 he had frittered away all her inheritance, and replaced it with crippling debt, which is 🈶 a pretty shitty thing to leave your 👉 widow with. “Bad news, you lost 🏳🏳 your 👉 husband, but don’t worry, you also lost 🏳🏳 the house 🏠!” Maybe Mom 👪👪👪 knew 🤔 she’d have 🈶 to sell all her fancy 💠 jewelry 💍 and move into a home 👪👪👪. Maybe that’s what 😅 she meant by “everything is 🈶 worse now.” Is 🈶 that what 😅 you meant, Mom 👪? You know 🤔, the first 🥇🥇 time ⌚⌚⌚ I ever preformed In front of an audience, it actually was, uh, with my Mom 👪👪👪. She used to put on 🔛🔛 these shows, with her supper club in the living room, and she used to make... she used to make me sing 🗣🗣🗣 “The Lollipop 🍭 Song” Those parties, they were really something. There were skits and magic 🎩🎩 acts, and ethnically insensitive vaudeville routines, and the big finale was always 🕔 a dance 💃 my mother 👪 did. She had this ⬆ beautiful dress 👗 that she only brought out 🏎🏍 for these parties, and she did this ⬆ incredible number. It was so beautiful and sad 😞😞😞. Dad 👨 hated the parties. He’d lock ⛓⛓ himself in the study 🔬🔬🔬, and bang on 🔛🔛🔛 the walls for us to keep it down ⬇⬇, but he always 🕔 came out 🏎🏍 to see 👁👁 mom 👪👪👪 dance 💃. He’d linger in the doorway, scotch 🥃 in hand 👍👍, and watch 👁👁 in awe, as this ⬆ cynical, despicable woman 👧 he married... Took flight 🛩🛩. And as a child 👶 who 💁 was completely terrified 😨😨 of both of my parents 👪👪, I was always 🕔 aware of this ⬆ moment of grace, it meant something. We understood each other, in a way ↕️. Me, My Mom 👪👪 and my Dad 👨, as screwed up ☝☝☝ as we all were, we did understand each other. My mother 👪, she knew 🤔 what 😅 it’s like 😄😄😄 to feel your 👉 entire life 💓 like 😄 you’re drowning with the exception of these moments.. these very rare, brief instances, in which you remember..you can swim 🐠🐠🐠. But, then again, mostly not. Mostly you’re drowning. She understood that too. And she recognized that I understood it. And Dad 👨. All three 3️⃣3️⃣3️⃣ of us were drowning, and we didn’t know 🤔 how 🤔 to save 💾 each other, but there was an understanding that we were all drowning together. I would like 😄😄 to think 🤔🤔🤔 that’s what 😅 she meant when ⏰ we were in the hospital 🚑🚑 and she said, “I see 👁👁 you.” You know 🤔 the weird 😕😕😕 thing about both your 👉 parents 👪👪 being dead 💀 is 🈶 it means you’re next ⏭. I mean 😏, you know 🤔, obviously it’s not like 😄 there’s a wait 🚏 list for dying. Any one 1️⃣1️⃣ of us could get 🉐🉐🉐 run 🏃 over by some Snap-chatting 💬💬 Teen at any moment. And you would think 🤔 knowing 🤔 that would make us adventurous, and kind, and forgiving. But it makes us small, stupid, and petty. I actually had a near death 💀💀 experience 💯, recently. A stunt went bad 📉 and I fell off of a building 🏭. I’m an actor. I do my own stunts. I’m on 🔛 this ⬆ new 🆕🆕 show 📺📺📺 Philbert. Im Philbert. Star ⭐⭐⭐ of the show 📺. It hasn’t come out 🏎🏍 yet, but it’s already getting Emmy Buzz. Oh, speaking 📢 of buzz... I’m supposed to take two ✌✌ of these every morning 🌞, but my days are so screwed up ☝☝ ‘cause of the shooting schedule 📅, I don’t even know 🤔 what 😅 morning 🌞🌞🌞 means anymore. There’s a joke in there somewhere, about a guy 👦 who’s been to so many funerals, he doesn’t even know 🤔 what 😅 mourning means anymore. Let you guys figure out 🏎🏍 that one 1️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ for yourself. Anyways, you know 🤔 what 😅 I thought.. When ⏰ I was falling off the building 🏭 and went into panic mode? The last thing that my stupid brain 🧠🧠 could come up ☝☝☝ with before I died? “Won’t they be sorry 💔💔💔.” Cool 😎😎 thought, brain 🧠. I don’t even know 🤔 what 😅 “they” I wanted ⚠ to be sorry 💔. My mom 👪, before she died, could barely remember who 💁 I was. And of course, my dads dead 💀💀. The last conversation I ever had with him was about his novel. He was so certain his book 📖 was his legacy. Maybe he thought it would vindicate him for all the shitty things he ever did in his stupid worthless life 💓. Maybe it did. I don’t know 🤔. I never ❌ read 🛋🛋 it. Because why 🤔 would I give him that? I used to be on 🔛 this ⬆ TV 📺 show 📺📺 called Horsin’ Around. Seriously though, hold your 👉 applause 👏👏👏. It was written by my friend 🐶, Herb 🌿🌿 Kazzaz, whos also dead 💀💀 now, and it starred this ⬆ little girl 👶👶👶 named Sarah Lynn. And it was about these orphans. And early 🕐🕐 on 🔛🔛, the network had a note 🔣, “Maybe don’t mention they’re orphans so much, because audiences tend to find 🔍 orphans sad 😞😞 and not relatable.” But I never ❌ thought the orphans were sad 😞😞. I always 🕔 thought they were lucky 🤞 because they could imagine their parents 👪 to be anything they wanted ⚠. They had something to long for. Anyway, we did this ⬆ one 1️⃣1️⃣ season ❄️❄️❄️ finale, where 🤷 Olivias birth mother 👪👪👪 comes to town. And she was a junkie, but she’s gotten herself cleaned up ☝☝, and she wants to be in Olivias life 💓 again. And of course, she’s like 😄😄😄 the perfect 👌 grown-up ☝ version of Olivia, and they go to the mall 🏬🏬 together and get 🉐🉐 her ears pierced like 😄 she’s always 🕔 wanted ⚠ and — Sorry 💔, spoiler alert 🚨🚨 for season ❄️ six 6️⃣6️⃣6️⃣ finale of Horsin’ Around, if you’re still working 🏗🏗🏗 your 👉 way ↕️↕️↕️ through it. Anyway, the horse 🐴🐴🐴 tried to warn her, “Be careful, moms have 🈶 a way ↕️↕️ of letting you down ⬇⬇.” But Olivia just thinks the horse 🐴 is 🈶 jealous, and when ⏰ the mom 👪 says she’s moving 📦📦 to California, Olivia decides to go with her. And the network really juiced the cliffhanger: “Is Olivia gone for good 👌👍🏾?” But of course, because it’s a TV 📺📺📺 show 📺📺, she was not gone for good 👌👍🏾. Of course, because it’s a TV 📺📺 show 📺📺 Olivias Mother 👪 has a relapse and had to go back ⬅️⬅️ into rehab, so Olivia has to hitchhike all the way ↕️↕️ home 👪, getting rides from from Mr 🇲🇷. T, Alf, and the cast of Stomp. Of course that’s what 😅 happened. Because, what 😅 are you gonna do, just not have 🈶 Olivia on 🔛 the show 📺? You can’t have 🈶🈶🈶 happy 😀😀 endings on 🔛🔛 sitcoms, not really, because, if everyone’s happy 😀, the show 📺 would be over, and above 🆙 all else, the show 📺... Has to keep going. There’s always 🕔 more ➕➕ show 📺📺📺. And you can call Horsin’ Around dumb, or bad 📉, or unrealistic, but there’s nothing 🈚🈚 more ➕➕➕ realistic than that. You never ❌ get 🉐 a happy 😀😀 ending, ‘cause there’s always 🕔 more ➕➕ show 📺. I guess until there isn’t. My mom 👪👪 would hate 😡😡😡 it if she knew 🤔 that I spent 😵😵 so much time ⌚ at her funeral ⚰⚰ talking about my old 👴👴👴 TV 📺 show 📺. Or maybe she’d think 🤔🤔🤔 it was funny 😃😃 that her idiot 😜 son couldn’t even do this ⬆ right 👉, who 💁 knows 🤔? She left 👈 no 😣😣😣 instructions for what 😅 she wanted ⚠ me to say 🗣🗣. All I know 🤔 is 🈶 she wanted ⚠ an open 👐👐👐 casket ⚰, and her idiot 😜 son couldn’t even do that right 👉👉. I’m not gonna stand up ☝☝ here 👈👈 and pretend I ever understood how 🤔 to please 🙏🙏🙏 that woman 👧, even though so much of my life 💓 has been wasted in vain attempts to figure it out 🏎🏍. But I keep going back ⬅️⬅️⬅️ to that moment in the ICU when ⏰ she looked at me and,...” I-C-U 👉.” “I..See 👁👁👁...You..” Jesus ✝️ Christ ⛪⛪, we were in the Intensive Care Unit. She was just reading a sign ⛎⛎⛎. My mom 👪👪👪 died and all I got was a free 🆓 Churro. You know 🤔 the shittiest thing about all of this ⬆? Is 🈶 when ⏰ that stranger behind the counter gave me that free 🆓🆓🆓 churro, that small act of kindness showed more ➕ compassion than my mother 👪👪 gave me her entire goddamn life 💓. Like 😄😄😄, how 🤔 hard is 🈶 it to do something nice for a person 👤? This ⬆ woman 👧 at the Jack in the Box 🍱 didn’t even know 🤔 me. I’m your 👉 son. All I had was you! I have 🈶🈶🈶 this ⬆ friend 🐶🐶🐶. And right 👉 around when ⏰ I first 🥇 met her, her dad 👨👨 died, and I actually went with her to the funeral ⚰. And months later, she told me that she didn’t understand why 🤔 she was still upset 😞😞😞, because she never ❌ even liked her father 👨👨. It made sense to me, because I went through the same thing when ⏰ my dad 👨👨 died. And I’m going through that same thing now. You know 🤔 what 😅 it’s like 😄? It’s like 😄😄😄 the show 📺 Becker, you know 🤔, with Ted Danson? I watched the entire run 🏃 of it, hoping that it would get 🉐🉐 better, and it never ❌ did. It had all the right 👉👉👉 pieces, but it just— It couldn’t put them together. And when ⏰ it got canceled, I was really bummed out 🏎🏍, not because I liked the show 📺📺, but because I knew 🤔 it could be so much better, and now it never ❌ would be. And that’s what 😅 losing 🏳🏳🏳 a parent 👩‍👦👩‍👦👩‍👦 is 🈶 like 😄😄😄. It’s like 😄😄 Becker. Suddenly, you realize you’ll never ❌ have 🈶🈶 the good 👌👍🏾 relationship you wanted ⚠, as long as they were alive, even though you’ll never ❌ admit it, part of you, the stupidest goddamn part of you, was still holding onto that chance. And you didn’t realize it until that chance went away. “My mother 👪 is 🈶 dead 💀, and everything is 🈶 worse now.” Because now I know 🤔 I will never ❌ have 🈶🈶🈶 a mother 👪 who 💁 looks at me from across the room and says, “BoJack Horseman, I see 👁 you.” But I guess it’s good 👌👍🏾 to know 🤔. It’s good 👌👍🏾 to know 🤔, that there is 🈶 nobody looking out 🏎🏍 for me, that there never ❌ was, and there never ❌ will be. No 😣, it’s good 👌👍🏾 to know 🤔 that I am the only one 1️⃣1️⃣1️⃣ I can depend on 🔛. And I know 🤔 that now and it’s good 👌👍🏾. It’s good 👌👍🏾 that I know 🤔 that. So.. it’s good 👌👍🏾 my mother 👪👪 is 🈶 dead 💀. Well, no 😣 point 🈯 in beating a dead 💀💀 horse 🐴🐴🐴. Beatrice Horseman was born 🐣 in 1938, and she died in 2018, and I have 🈶 no 😣😣😣 idea 💡.. What 😅 she wanted ⚠. Unless she just wanted ⚠ what 😅 we all wanted ⚠.. to be seen.

Submitted March 08, 2020 at 10:22AM by Woman_Eater_ via reddit https://ift.tt/2TzhCFY

#IFTTT #reddit

1 note · View note