#art heist au

[slimedblr]

picture this.

Cellbit's been busy. His best friend Felps is missing, and he doesn't know how to prove it, but he knows it's somehow linked to the white bear that keeps showing up in every painting he makes.

And then he gets invited to one of Jaiden Animations's art galas, the Jaiden Animations, by the artist herself.

He's never met her, and he can't remember the last time anyone else saw his paintings, but he agrees to go despite it all.

and it's while he's there that Cellbit goes and gets himself kidnapped (sort of) by some random guy running from party security. A wall gets blown up. It's a whole thing.

After locking them both in a broom closet, the masked man has some explaining to do. Cellbit discovers the identity of his kidnapper, and things only get weirder when he shows off some strange eggs made of metal and paint. Oh, and a picture of his mugshot with cat ears.

But when this trail seems to be the best lead on Felps that he's gotten in months, it isn't even really a question if Cellbit's going to get to the bottom of this. Because he may have to crack a few eggs to get there, but he'll be damned if this omelette isn't served to both him and all four of his roommates.

on ao3 here

[definitelynotshouting]

like “jealousy”, “painting”, and “trees”? for your three word prompts (if I did it right)!

for the three word fic prompt (closed) | ao3 link

This took forever but hopefully it was worth it anon <- did not expect this to be like. 900 words. Anyway ART HEIST AU POGGGG

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

"If Mumbo wasn't our client, what do you think his role in a grift would be?"

Grian's voice is a soft slip through golden hour, pitched low to avoid puncturing the bubble they've built between two trees and the roofline. Fifteen feet up and hidden within the foliage, they have unfiltered access to the ebb and flow of Craft Museum's clientele; the crowds have thinned as six-thirty creeps forward on dying knees. In about twenty minutes, the last honeyed rays of the setting sun will douse themselves against the horizon– but until that point, Grian has time to kill.

What they never tell you about heists is how long you spend waiting. Casing a location takes time; past the heady buzz of a new assignment are days, even weeks, of studying shift changes, security systems, building plans, and the object of interest itself. Ninety percent patience, ten percent actual thievery– and while the adrenaline rush is worth it every time, between those crystalline snapshots lies nothing but dull monotony.

So, inane questions. It's better than trying to play I Spy.

For one taffy-stretched moment, Scar doesn't respond. Unlike Grian, whose eyes began wandering an hour ago, his gaze is glued to the sky; whether he's counting the minutes to nightfall or admiring the colors is anyone's mystery– though if Grian had to hazard a guess, it's a little mixture of both.

Then Scar rolls his shoulders and says, with the teasing nonchalance Grian has begun to associate with all of their interactions: "Oh, eye-candy for sure."

Grian chokes on thin air. "Scar!"

Scar's head shifts, neck craning to display how his brows leap into his hairline. "What!" he says, eyes far too wide for genuine innocence; a common tactic for him, though it's been some time since it's worked on Grian. "It's true! He'd make a great distraction– he's got the suit-look going for him, and that luxurious mustache–"

Whatever else Scar says is lost in a rush of grey static. As with all people, Grian is a great many things: cocky, thieving, and selfish account for several of them. He's the kind to covet, which can be dangerous in this line of work– you never make it farther than your front door if you can't learn to let things go.

Unfortunately for all of them, Grian is also possessive– over items, jobs, people– and in the face of this fatal flaw, the gilded snarl of teeth that snaps between his ribs shouldn't catch him so off guard. He reels anyway, punch-drunk and lightheaded, a haze of red smearing behind his eyes. Grian fumbles to cover it with another indignant splutter.

"Don't flirt with our client!" he snaps when he can risk words, appall dripping from every syllable. "We're supposed to be professionals!"

Scar has the actual gall to shoot him a wounded look. "I am plenty professional," he protests. "Besides, he's not even here right now– it's not flirting if they can't hear you say it."

A dozen barbed retorts sizzle to life on Grian's tongue in response to that, stinging his gums with a vitriol far too strong for the circumstances. He opens his mouth, lips peeling back from teeth–

Nestled in his ear, Grian's comm crackles; a harsh, grating buzz that drags his heart all the way up into his throat. Beside him, Scar jumps as well, throwing out a hand before he can upset his balance.

Mumbo's voice is an apologetic stumble tripping over itself. "Sorry, um, just thought I'd let you both know this channel's still open. I can hear you." A beat. "Sorry."

The glance Grian exchanges with Scar is mute, wide-eyed, and brimming with chagrin. Without breaking eye contact, Grian reaches up and switches his comm to off.

After a moment's hesitation, Scar mirrors him.

"I cannot believe you," Grian hisses the second he lowers his hand.

"Now how was I supposed to know the channel was still open?" Scar shoots right back. Then, with damning accusation: "I don't know why you're getting so bent out of shape about this, G– it's not like I don't talk about how good people look all the time!"

"But not the clients," Grian stresses, steamrolling past his own hypocrisy. "There's professionalism involved here, Scar, we can't just– just go around– complimenting everybody!"

Scar's lips part, only to flatten back into a thin, straight line. Ruddy sunlight slips over the bridge of his nose, painting his profile in flame; Grian's lungs hitch without permission. Even half his face cast in shadow isn't enough to conceal the stark, appraising glitter growing in his eyes.

"You've never had a problem with it when I do it to you," Scar finally points out, cadence threaded with a creeping, thoughtful edge.

Grian's throat dries. Holding Scar's gaze becomes an exercise in futility– his eyes drop to skitter across the roof, snagging on a sharp crag in the tile next to him. One finger taps against his knee, keeping time with the rabbit beats of his pulse. Between two trees and the roofline, Scar's stare threatens to strip Grian down to his last, raw, aching nerve.

Speaking takes a few attempts; he has to clear his throat twice before his voice jogs out of it. "Let's just… focus on Mumbo's painting," he mumbles at last, once the silence has stretched far beyond the event horizon. Then, clamping his jaw shut, Grian shifts his attention back to the skyline– past the heavy, dragging weight of Scar's scrutiny, and the way it boils, persistent, across every inch of his skin.

[ccss10987]

Heist Gone Wrong

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43881277

Characters: Logan, Patton, Remus, Roman, Virgil, and Janus.

Words: 3,060

TW: I think it's all good. Let me know if I'm wrong

Notes: This is written for @lostinmyfictionaluniverses as part of the @sanderssidesgiftxchange I hope you have a fun holiday season and you get yourself a little treat. I would like to thank the mods for putting this all together. I had such a fun time writing this. I hope everyone who reads this enjoys this funny little art heist sanders sides one-shot.

"Does everyone understand the plan?" Logan asked, setting down his wooden pointer.

The group in front of him nods.

"Remus and Patton, do either of you remember what step 4 is?" Logan asked the two with a smug look on his face

"OOH!" Remus raises his hand quickly, jumping up and down in his seat.

"Yes, Remus?" Logan sighed.

"Kill everyone in the room and use the blood to cover where the painting was!"

"Maybe… go through the plan one more time, Logan." Patton said gently.

"That's what I thought. Step 1, Roman will create a forgery of the painting. Step 2, Janus will sneak into the museum accompanied by Patton. Step 3, I will hack into the security system and put all the cameras in a loop to make sure no one sees anything. Step 4, Remus will cause a distraction while Roman sneaks the forgery inside. Step 5, Janus finds the painting while Patton keeps all the other guards from finding Janus stealing the painting. Step 7, we replace the painting with the fake one Roman created. Step 8, we get out of the museum, and Virgil will drive us away. Step 9, we return the stolen art to the original artist. Are we all clear now?"

Once again, everyone nods.

"What's the worse thing that can happen?" Janus asked with a smirk on their face.

"You said that on purpose. I have a list I can read out for you, if you want." Virgil said, glaring at them.

"Okay, okay. Let's not fight. This is going to go perfectly." Patton told Virgil while standing in between the two.

"You can't say that either!" Virgil yelled, pulling at his hair.

"I'm sorry. Knock on wood." Patton said quickly while knocking on their wooden coffee table.

"So how is the replica coming along, Roman?" Logan asked, trying to change the subject.

"It's nearly there. It just needs something." Roman told him.

"Blood! Mucus! Slime! Some other questionable substance?" Remus suggested.

Roman scrunched up his face. "Ew. You're not helping."

"I will take a look at it and help you figure it out." Logan told him. Logan and Roman left the room.

"I started working on my costume months ago and am now done." Janus said, looking at their manicured nails. "In other completely unrelated news. Patton, you have a spare security uniform, right?"

"Yeah, you can have my spare. I'll go get it." Patton told him.

"I don't need it, of course. I simply want to compare the two."

The two left, leaving Remus and Virgil alone.

"I can't imagine this going well. I'm not even sure why I decided to do this in the first place. I'm gonna cause a police chase. We're all going to go to jail and I'm going to fuck something up-"

"Nah don't worry about that. If anyone is going to fuck something up. It's gonna be me, emo, but it'll be on purpose."

"Please don't."

Remus chucked and crept out of the room. "What a prick…" Virgil mumbled under his breath.

"I am not quite sure what you think is missing. It looks fine-" Logan said, staring at the false art.

"I don't want it to look fine. It needs to be an exact replica!" Roman was pacing around his studio, mumbling about all the details he put into the painting, trying to figure out what the art was missing.

"Roman, it does not need to be perfect. It just needs to look enough like the painting so we have the time to get away before we are caught. We have recovered works of art before without anyone knowing it was gone, and I have no doubt in my mind that we can do it again." Logan told him.

"Well what if it's not good enough!? What if my forgery gets recognized too quickly? We won't be far enough away from the museum when the police start chasing us. Maybe we won't even get that far. The security guards-"

Logan cut him off once more. "If everyone follows my plan, we won't need to worry about the security guards at all. Patton and Janus will have them distracted, most likely with awful dad jokes."

Logan didn't want Roman to know that he was also worried about the heist. It was his plan, after all. If something went wrong, it was his fault. He didn't plan for it and couldn't deduce a solution. Logan could not let Roman know this because he needed all the answers. Having Roman worry more wasn't going to help in the long run.

"Well you know what's best. After all, you're the smart one." Roman stated.

"Obviously. I am going to retire to my room now. Please try and get some rest, Roman."

"Will do, Specs."

In Patton's room with Janus, Patton was hunched over in his closet, pulling things out and throwing them on the floor.

"Are you sure you have this?" Janus asked.

"Well I might have given it to a coworker of mine…" Patton trailed off.

Janus pinched the bridge of their nose. "I can make do. This might surprise you, but I don't have a disguise ready.

Patton laughed nervously, still rummaging through his closet. "Oh really? I had no idea." he said as playfully as he could.

"Why did you give away the uniform anyway?' Janus asked.

"Well he spilled some soda on himself and I always keep my spare in my bag in case someone needs it. I told him that he could borrow the shirt. He was so nice and even said he would wash it before he gave it back to me."

Janus just nodded. Patton stood up and stretched his back out. Janus sighed, hearing the crackling of Patton's back. "Take this advice from someone who has chronic pain, you need to stretch more often."

"Yeah I know. I keep saying I will, but I never do. Just like me saying I should clean my room more often, especially the closet." Patton told Janus. He said this as he shoved the pile of clothes back into his closet.

"I should get started on that uniform so I can finish it before Logan stars nagging me."

"Good luck!" Patton called out while Janus left the room. He sighed, looking at the pile of clothes in the closet before closing the door. It was too much work to do to clean that up now. It didn't seem like a problem before.

Everyone had trouble sleeping that night. They were all worried about something not going according to plan, except Remus. He was just too excited to sleep.

It was the morning of the heist. Everyone was tired. Patton was still the first one up to start making breakfast for everyone. Logan was the next one down. Patton put on a smile for him. "Did you sleep well, Logan?" he asked.

"To tell you the truth, I could have slept better."

"Aw, I'm sorry to hear that, bud."

Janus came down just as Patton finished breakfast, followed by the twins, who all looked sluggish. Virgil was the last person to come downstairs, looking just as tired as everyone else, but that was a common occurrence.

"Based on everyone's faces, I deduce I am not the only one who did not get a good quality sleep last night."

Everyone mumbled in agreement, even Patton, trying his best to hide his drowsiness.

"No matter. I want everyone to try and sleep today. We will continue as planned. The more rested we are, the more successful this mission will be."

Everyone nodded and promised they would get some sleep before the heist. They had done this several times before, so why were they all so nervous?

Janus, Logan, and Patton were the only three who had tried to sleep before the heist. All three were unsuccessful.

Patton and Janus left a few hours before the rest of them to secure Janus' cover as a security guard at the museum. Patton had been working there for a while now. That's how they found out about the stolen art in the first place.

At the front doors of the museum, Janus took a deep breath. "My name is Dee Jordan. I am 31 years old."

"Why three years younger than you are?"

"Shush. I'm babysitting my nephew Declan, and I need the extra cash, hence the night shift job." Janus finished their mumbling, and they took another deep breath. "Alright, I'm in character. Let's do this." they said with a fake voice.

"Wow. That is amazing!" Patton exclaimed. He unlocked the door using his ID, and they entered the building.

Patton led Janus into the security room, where one of his coworkers was, waiting for his shift to start.

"Hey, Patty! I bought some donuts before I came here, do you want one?" Patton's coworker, Carl, asked.

"Thank you, Carl." Patton said before taking a chocolate-covered donut with sprinkles. "This is our new coworker-"

"Dee Jordan. It's nice to meet you. I won't have this job for long. It's just supposed to be an easy payment." Janus lied.

"Well, it's pretty dull. There's like nothing to do, and the alarms are always faulty." said Carl. "Do you and Patton know each other?"

"Yes." "No." Patton and Janus said in sync, respectively. Patton was not okay with lying to his coworkers. He had known them for so long.

"What do you mean?" Carl asked.

"What he means is we met here before, but we don't actually know each other." Janus said before Patton could speak.

"We should get started with patroling the museum." said Patton quickly.

"Alright. I'll see you later, buddy." Carl said to Patton."

The two started walking away from the security room. Janus turned to Patton and told him, "Next time that someone asks us a question, please leave the talking to me. I know you don't like lying."

"But, keeping information from people is still a lie." Patton huffed.

"It's not a lie if they don't have the right to know." Janus fired back. Janus sent Logan a quick text to let Logan know they had gotten inside with no trouble.

In the van a few streets away, Logan started to tap into the museum security cameras.

"Has anything gone wrong yet?" Virgil asked.

"For the hundredth time, no." Roman told him, inspecting his painting.

"Not yet anyway." Remus said.

"Would you three please be quiet. I need my full concentration. As long as everything goes according to my plan, we will be able to get away with this." Logan snapped at them.

Everyone was quiet after that, even Remus. The only sounds in the van were Logan's fingers tapping on the keyboard and Virgil's leg bouncing.

After a few moments, Logan got into the security cameras and put all of them on a 5-second loop. He was certain no one was on the looped footage and sent Janus a text saying step 3 was complete.

"Hey Patton, friend, buddy, pal, a synonym for a friend." Janus started.

"What is it? Did something go wrong?" Patton asked, worry in his voice.

"No, but do you remember what step 3 was?"

"Oh." Patton sighed in relief. "It was the distraction. I'm at least 87% sure."

Janus laughed. "That's a specific number. Too specific to be wrong. I'll meet Roman at the meeting point."

Janus got to the meeting point, a fire escape near the gallery the stolen art was in. Remus said the distraction was loud enough to drown out the noise of the alarm, so they opened the door. The fire alarm blasted, and Janus covered their ears. Roman wasn't at the door. They peeked their head outside and looked around. Roman wasn't in sight.

"What happened over here?" someone from behind Janus asked. This wasn't supposed to happen. Everyone was supposed to be wherever Remus caused the distraction. Something went wrong.

Janus turned around. "I heard the alarm go off, so I ran toward the noise.

"Ah, you must be new. This door is always a bit fussy. It scared me on my first night shift too. I swear the slightest gust of wind can cause it to go off. I'm Maddison, by the way." she said.

"I'm Dee." Janus told her. The two shook hands and jumped when they heard a loud boom and several crashes.

"I've never heard that one before. Let's go check it out." Maddison said. She grabbed Janus by the wrist and started running towards the sound. They found a giant hole in the wall. Everyone came to check it out, including Patton, who saw Janus at the scene and became very nervous. They weren't supposed to be here. Something went wrong.

"I cannot believe someone blew up a wall. Who would go through the trouble of doing this?" Maddison mumbled to herself.

"I didn't see anything on the cameras. I should have though, right?" Carl asked himself.

"I didn't see anything either." Patton said. It felt wrong to keep information from his two closest coworkers, but he knew he had to. He couldn't believe Remus would do something this extreme. Well, yes, he would. This came as a surprise to no one.

"What do we do now?" Janus asked, dumbfounded.

"We shouldn't call the police. They only make matters worse." Carl said. He gave Maddison a slight nod, who nodded back at him. Something suspicious was happening, and it wasn't just the art heist.

"You blew up an entire wall, Remus." Roman whisper-yelled to his brother.

"No way. I did not blow up the entire wall, just most of it." Remus said as a matter of factly.

"They know someone is sneaking in now." Roman told him.

"Then you better hurry up and replace the painting then." Remus told him as he started walking back to the van.

Roman would have argued more, but he was right. They had to finish this job now. Roman ran to the meeting point to meet up with Janus. The door was open, thankfully, but Janus wasn't there. Something went wrong. He couldn't wait for them. He needed to find that stolen painting as soon as possible.

Roman raced through the gallery, trying to find the painting. He eventually found where the artwork was supposed to be. There was a sign with the thief's name and their fake title, but no artwork. He sent Logan a panicked text explaining the situation.

"That was completely irresponsible, Remus." Logan scolded him.

"Hey, it was loud enough to drown out the fire alarm and caused all the workers to check it out." Remus defended himself.

"Including Janus. Luckily they left the door open for Roman. Unfortunately, someone stole the painting before we could."

"WHAT!?" Virgil yelled. He started mumbling to himself and spiraling into a panic attack.

"I'll help Roman get out of there. You help Virgil." Remus said. He wasn't stupid. He knew when it was time to get serious. This could have serious consequences.

"Not to worry, Virgil. This is a minor set back. We have to tell our client that someone else stole their artwork, and there is nothing more that we can do."

"They'll be disappointed with us." Virgil told him through shakey breaths and tears.

"No, they won't. I'm confident we got further than they expected us to get. Now, let's work on your breathing."

"Okay." Virgil mumbled.

Remus snuck into the museum through the open fire escape. He found his brother in the gallery where the art was supposed to be. "Alright, we need to leave before we get caught. Take the painting with you. We can't let anyone know we were ever here." Remus told him.

"Right." Roman said as he got up and followed Remus through the entrance they came in through.

The two made it back to the van without being detected.

"Okay, we will be here for another moment while I reset the museum security cameras. Then, we will be on our way back home. No one will know we were there. Janus and Patton will make sure of that." Logan said while sending a text to Janus and Patton to let them know the updated plan. The text he got back was far more concerning.

"Let's go back where we were and try to find the intruder." Maddison told Janus. She grabbed them by the wrist and led them away from Patton and Carl.

Once they were out of sight, Carl let out a sigh of relief. "I'll let you in on a little secret on why I'm not too worried about this."

"What's happening?" Patton asked.

"Do you remember when I told you that someone was taking credit for someone else's artwork here?" Carl asked. Patton just nodded. "Maddison and I were going to do something about that. We took the painting down and hid it in her car. We were going to say that the art thieves held us at gunpoint and threatened to shoot us if we tried to stop them. I really hope you don't think less of us."

Patton nodded once more. "I have a confession too." Patton explained everything he and "Dee" were doing but left everyone else's name out of it to Carl.

Carl called Maddison back to the hole in the wall and told them to bring Janus with her.

"Well I guess the cat's-" Janus started. "Meow." Patton interrupted.

"Now that you two are in on the plan, we can call the police." Carl stated.

Maddison started the phone call while Carl got the story straight with Patton and Janus.

The police came a few hours later and questioned all the security guards all individually. They didn't suspect a thing.

Janus, Patton, Carl, and Maddison all went home. Patton brought the painting to the original owner, who thanked him for returning it.

On the drive back home, Patton and Janus could finally talk without the fear of being listened to. "How come you didn't have a problem lying to the police?" Janus asked.

"I am surprised at you, Janus. It's always morally correct to lie to police officers." Patton told him. Janus laughed. "Too true." he said. A moment of silence went by before Patton spoke up. "You might hate me for this, but that spare uniform was in my bag the whole time."

[tretaaysel]

When you, your boyfriend and your brother run an art theft syndicate

[minhtblue]

...vivid heist squad, anyone?

[art-the-f-up]

"Felonies and Other Love Languages" by @miabrown007

aka "how many stars can we incorporate into the entire vibe of this heist au fic"

[art-soop]

Bad Batch modern AU about a girl and her five cool dads

[glassy-eyed-poet]

Me because I live and breathe for the marauders but the only merch I have is this mf:

[a-great-tragedy]

I want to personally go to every marauders fan’s door and force them all to sleep

I know you all stay up past 3:00am reading jegulus fics don’t lie

[letraspal]

“That’s my boy”

[crepegosette]

he’s bi

[miabrown007]

Felonies and Other Love Languages

art by @art-the-f-up

I have Shay's permission to post his art. as you do not, you should not.

[starrspice]

The Paper Stars AU won the poll so here it is!!!

So this is basically a Secret Agent AU

Sun and Moon, two of the top agents in their field are tasked with stopping Y/N, an ex-agent turned international super thief. Sun and Moon are the only people to have captured them (even though they escaped during transport) and the only ones so far to fully figure out their clues and secrets left behind.

Meanwhile Y/N enjoys the challenge of a good heist, even more so with a couple of agents on their heels. They always leave behind a paper star at each heist location as a calling card, and Sun and Moon were the first to realize they leave hints for what their next target is going to be.

Sun is a bit of a tinkerer in this AU, often testing and creating new gadgets for him and Moon to use in the field! He's better at hacking ane coding than he is at inventing and mechanics, but a few of his inventions have proven quite useful

Moon is far better at putting Sun's gadgets to use than Sun is, but he's also known for being resourceful and quick on his feet. He's still got an old injury that was never properly repaired right but that doesn't stop him.

Y/N was once the agency's top operative, specializing in disguise and covert missions. After a huge mission gone awry Y/N took a year off duty before suddenly abandoning the agency and become a world renowned thief. Nobody is quite sure how or why and Y/N refuses to explain.

As much as Y/N adores the two they aren't the type to pull their punches. Often tying the agents up to make a get away or roughing them up in a fist fight. They're the very definition of a wild card. Nobody can ever be sure if they'll slip in and out of a heist through stealth or make a big show out of pulling off a caper, and that uncertainty makes the entire organization jumpy which is just how Y/N likes it

[birbdaddygram]

Our Battle Will Be Legendary!

Heist Au belongs to @/CrabTheRaichu on Twitter!

Check out their works on AO3! Listed on their Twitter profile!

[chaserofstars11]

the thing about art heist, baby! is that i have a physical reaction to every single sentence i read. half the time i feel like i will actually throw up from the amount of emotions going through me (on the first read really only near the end, but in rereads it’s all throughout) and the other half im giggling and kicking my feet because it’s so juicy and fluffy and sweet (well not that sweet but wtv). and the tears. oh, the tears. anyway… let’s go reread that shit!

[amevello-blue]

<3 Stay hydrated!!

I had four sets of boys in this comp and my back is murdering me so here's the three that are still in the competition--

Ghost in the Shell

The Great Skittle Heist of 2105

Mystic Forest

I realized that I haven't drawn the Mystic Forest boys interacting with anyone yet so let's just pretend they were hiding under the bleachers in a panic

@tmntaucompetition