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12tardis · 4 years

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Not That Dress (Newt Scamander x Reader)

Warnings: S M U T under the cut

Requested: yes @the-knights-of-saint-gay said ‘I want some dick (personally I think Newt is the pounding type and the reader is moan-in-his-mouth-while-doing-missionary type’ lmao this request still got me SENT- hope you like it love 💕

Summary: There’s a particular dress of yours that you know always drives your husband mad. You are having far too much fun teasing your husband but what will happen when you push him too far? Featuring shameless flirt!reader and very exasperated Newt on their honeymoon.

A/N: this is straight UP sin ppls I know I know I wrote a lot of fluff in the lead up to the thing - but is anyone surprised by this point? I tried really hard to not make Newt too OOC and I kinda vibe this for him ngl. I stand by my previous statements that Newt is a Hufflepuff through and through - even in the bedroom. Seriously I feel like I need some holy water IM SORRY.

Words: 4611

Taglist: @moonkissk7 @just-an-auror

Newt knew he was in trouble the second you stepped out of the hotel room in that dress with a little sparkle in your eyes that told him you knew exactly what you were doing.

He should have known you were plotting something the moment you told him to wait out in the hall and that you would be ready in a moment. You’d never had an issue with getting dressed in front of him before though Newt would always face the other way to give you privacy like a true gentleman.

This was something you always teased him for, often draping yourself over his back and wrapping your arms around him from behind just to see him blush when he realised you were in nothing but your undergarments.

- - - - -

“Y/N, would you get dressed? We’re going to be late”, he croaked out in a strained voice, feeling the warm blush travelling down his cheeks as you skimmed your hands over his chest with a soft hum.

“Honey, we’re going to be wed in less than a month. I don’t think you have to look the other way when I’m getting changed anymore,” you chuckled as you pressed a soft kiss to his jaw, trailing your hand over his firm chest one last time before you stepped away from him.

“I know but I wasn’t raised to be a Peeping Tom, darling.”

“Well you had no problems looking at me last night when w-“

“Y/N!” Newt cried out loudly and you could see the blush now working its way up the back of his neck.

“Oh please Newt how can you possibly be shy after all the things-“

“I’m NOT LISTENING! You’re trying to get a rise out of me and I’m NOT listening!” Newt called, clapping his hands over his ears and making a scene of humming loudly over your teasing.

You smirked to yourself as you tugged on the one dress, the one article of clothing you knew he would protest you wearing, checking your reflection over with a proud smile before you twirled him around by his shoulders to face you.

Newt’s eyes widened comically as he took you in and you caught the way his eyes dropped briefly to the neckline of the dress before he looked back up at you with his jaw agape “no no no no no. Absolutely not, anything but that.” he rambled shaking his head quickly.

He paused when he saw you glaring at him with one hand cocked on your hip “excuse you Newton Scamander but since when did you start deciding what I can and can’t wear?”

Newt actually let out a quiet whine then, looking at you with a pleading expression as he took your hands “I don’t and I can’t- I would never ever I am just begging you- not that dress. Not when we’re going to visit my parents.”

You dropped your peeved facade immediately at his pleading, the smug smile returning to your lips “why not this dress? What’s so special about this dress?” You tried to play innocent and clueless but Newt was not having it as he gripped your hips in his hands with a little more vigor than he usually would.

“You know exactly what you little minx,” he said lowly as he pulled you in against him without warning and began to pepper the column of your neck with kisses causing you to squeal.

And you did know. You had knowingly Pavloved your sweet, oblivious boyfriend to react a certain way whenever he saw you in said dress.

It had been the dress you had been wearing the first time you went down on him and the dress you wore before you slept together for the first time. You’d worn it several times since, when you had initiated sexy time.

Newt had eventually come to recognise it as the dress that drives him mental.

You pushed him away, looking up at him with a shy smile then because you knew he was right and it really wouldn’t be appropriate to tease him in such a way for lunch with his parents.

“Okay okay” you said, holding your hands up in surrender as you reached back to unzip the dress, rolling your eyes when Newt turned away from you quickly.

Shaking your head with a fond smile you made quick work of getting changed before you stepped around to face him. You couldn’t help but giggle at the sigh of relief he let out when he saw you were decent because your fiancé may have very well been the most adorable and sweetest man on the planet.

You smiled as he took your hand in his own, fixing you with one last exasperated expression before he pressed a kiss to the back of your hand “one day, I might just snap. And then what will you do?”

“Sit back and take it like a good girl.” you said casually with a sweet smile, giggling at the look of utter shock he now wore. He took a few minutes to gather himself and lift his jaw from the floor.

- - - - -

And now a month later you were on your honeymoon with your husband and you were travelling around the world with him as he’d promised. Currently you were in New York because it was where you had promised to drop in first and catch up with Tina, Queenie and Jacob.

You’d immensely enjoyed catching up with the Goldstein’s and getting to see how Jacob’s bakery was thriving and now you were due at the younger sisters' flat for a small cocktail night that Queenie and Jacob were throwing.

Now you were looking forward to the chance to dress up but Newt had needed some persuasion as usual from the moment that Queenie had mentioned the word ‘party.’

He was sulking in the hotel corridor when you appeared in the dress and you didn’t miss the way his eyes lit up instantaneously before a dark expression quickly passed over his features.

“Y/N”, he murmured in a half scolding tone but you were quick to shrug your coat on and take his hand in your own, tugging him down the corridor after you.

“Not another complaint out of you, mister. We’re going to be late.” You tossed his own words in his face as you pulled him along. The coat covered you up for the most part and Newt was relieved but he knew that relief would be short lived.

When you arrived at Queenie and Jacob’s place Newt was completely distracted by greeting the Goldstein sisters and the sheer volume of people packed into the tiny flat that he missed you slipping off your coat behind him.

“Ah Mr. and Mrs. Scamander have arrived!” Jacob called loudly, clapping Newt on the shoulder and you couldn’t help the smile and small flutter in your chest at the use of your new title.

“Sorry we’re late, the Niffler was being a nuisance,” you lied so easily that Newt quickly looked back at you where you were greeting Tina and Queenie.

The retort died on his lips and he gulped audibly as his gaze roved over your form. He broke out of his ogling when Queenie’s surprised giggle met his ears and he glanced at the woman to see her covering her mouth as she looked back at Newt in amusement.

Odd. He could have sworn she couldn’t easily read his thoughts.

“When you’re thinkin’ em that loud honey I’m pretty sure even Jacob knows” Queenie teased as she hugged him tightly in greeting, squeezing his shoulder to reassure him.

“Relax sweet cheeks, you’re recently married to the girl of your dreams and your thoughts are loud with happiness. Ain’t no one here gonna judge you,” Queenie murmured for only Newt to hear and Newt smiled thankfully back at her though he couldn’t suppress the blush that filled his cheeks.

“Well I don’t suppose Y/N’s inner monologue is embarrassing like mine,” Newt murmured and Queenie smiled widely at him before she peeked back over her shoulder to where you were talking animatedly with Tina.

“She’s just thinking about you. And calling herself Mrs Scamander over and over again.” Queenie laughed and Newt looked back at you in adoration, shaking his head to himself as he made his way over to you with drinks for both of you.

Not long later you were sitting pressed into his side at a small table listening to Tina ramble on about her most recent case at MACUSA. Newt was finding it increasingly more difficult to focus on Tina’s words as you lay your hand on his knee and slowly began to trail your hand up his leg.

Newt jolted a little when your hand drifted a little too close to the growing tent in his trousers and he quickly gripped your hand in his own, glancing down at you.

But of course you just smiled innocently back up at him, tracing your other hand along the neckline of your dress and Newt had to dig deep to find the willpower to look away from you and focus back on Tina who was still talking about the pile of paperwork she’d had to sign that week.

Newt frowned when you worked your hand free from his and wandered away from him, his eyes following you as you made your way to the makeshift bar.

You were in the middle of fixing you both another round of drinks when a gentleman sauntered over to you, grinning down at you widely “and who is this little heartbreaker we have here? What are you doing fixing your own drinks, angel face?”

You couldn’t help but twitch at the pet name because it sounded utterly wrong coming from someone other than Newt. The man in question was now leering down at you with the most obnoxious smirk on his face and your eyes quickly flicked to your husband.

Newt had noticed the man immediately as he’d been watching you from across the room and he felt a heat flaring up his neck at the way the other man was looking like he wanted to devour you.

He was just about to push himself to his feet and go and intervene as you were preparing to put the man in his place. But Queenie beat you both to it as she slipped between the pair of you, gripping the young man by his shoulders.

“Patrick, Y/N is a married woman! And I suggest you remove yourself before Mr.Scamander unleashes one of his creatures on you.”

The man, Patrick, blinked quickly and glanced over at Newt before he looked back at you and then at Queenie “Scamander? Oh Mrs. Scamander m-my apologies! I’ll be right outta your hair!” He scurried away and you returned back to the table where Newt was sat with Tina with Queenie in tow.

You slid back into your seat beside Newt as he curled his arm around your waist protectively, lifting your hand to his mouth and pressing his lips to your soft skin.

He took particular care to brush his lips over your ring finger as he held your gaze, twirling the wedding band on your finger while you smiled back at him as if to say ‘yes I know. I’m yours.’

The rest of the room and the people in it faded into the background as you gazed back at your husband, lifting your other hand to play with the hair at the nape of his neck, noticing his little shiver in response.

His hand fell to your knee this time and he thumbed at the fabric of your dress as he became vaguely aware of Tina still rambling on at him. Newt looked back at her, nodding along and plastering on a look of interest as he slowly pushed the fabric of your dress up along your thigh.

He bit his lip when you scraped your nails along the nape of his neck and laid your head on his shoulder, smiling back at Tina nonchalantly as you slowly let your legs fall open under the table. Newt wondered how easy it would be to just slide his hand up between your legs and into your panties an-

You both startled and sat up straight when Queenie began to choke on her drink violently, a pink blush colouring her cheeks as she looked back at the pair of you while Tina fetched her some water.

Newt flushed scarlet then as he realised what had happened. It was a mixture of the possessiveness he’d experienced just a moment before, the embarrassment he now felt along with the arousal that had been coursing through him all night because of you in that damn dress that had him getting to his feet quickly.

“I’m terribly sorry Tina, I’m really not feeling well I’m afraid we must go. We will have to resume this conversation another time.” Newt said in a rush as he pulled you to your feet, barely bidding his farewells to Queenie and Jacob before he was strolling out of the flat with his arm around your waist.

Jacob followed after you to fetch you your coat but he turned back to look at Queenie who had since recovered from her shock when he saw the two of you had already apparated away.

“Boy, Newt must really be feeling ill”, Jacob called out with a frown and Queenie laughed then, unable to stop herself as she took Jacob’s hand in her own.

“He’s not sick, sweetheart. More...excited,” she said slowly, laughing again as she watched the realisation dawn on Jacob’s face.

“Oh...OH! They grow so fast. It seems like only yesterday he was too shy to even kiss her!“

- - - - -

You raised your eyebrows in surprise when Newt managed to apparate you both back into your own hotel room and you recognised the look of complete focus in his eyes before he was pinning you back against the wall and kissing you hotly.

You kissed him back with just as much vigor, trying to lean into him more and letting out a gasp of surprise when he pushed you back against the wall firmly, looking at you with dark and lustful eyes.

“Merlin, Newt, what were you thinking about back there?” you breathed out, letting out another gasp as he nipped at the soft skin of your throat at the same time he pushed his thigh between your knees.

“I was thinking about fingering you right there under that bloody table,” he murmured lowly into your ear and you thought you might faint then.

What had happened to your sweet and gentle husband?

“What you have nothing to say now, huh?” Newt murmured as he lifted you up by the backs of your thighs, carrying you to the bed where he lay you down and wasted no time in slotting himself between your legs.

“You’ve been teasing me all night- fuck it, all week really ever since the wedding. In this sinful little dress of yours”, he brushed his lips over yours teasingly before he worked his hand up under your skirt “and now you have nothing to say to me?”

Your heart was beating wildly in your chest, your eyes widening because he very rarely cursed and at his words you felt the heat and a deep ache building between your legs.

You moved to wrap your arms around his neck as you usually would, making a noise of surprise when he let out a growl and pinned your hands above your head firmly “no touching.”

You couldn’t deny the way you clenched in response to his rough handling but you were still surprised as you tried to wrap your legs around his waist, gasping in shock when he used his body to pin you to the mattress.

“I said no touching”

“Well then what do you suppose I do then, Mr. Scamander?” you said in a much brattier tone than you had intended, smirking up at him.

Which you really shouldn’t have done because that only urged him to fix you with a smirk of his own “I don’t know...I suppose you could just- what was it? Oh yes,sit back and take it like a good girl,” he purred your own words back at you and it was your turn to stare back at him in utter shock and undeniable arousal.

He crushed his lips against yours again before you could come up with any more sarcastic retorts, his hand slipping under your dress and into your panties where he pushed two long fingers inside you without warning.

You cried out into his mouth as you rocked your hips up against his hand, clenching down on his digits hard in your shock.

Newt began to work his fingers deep inside you as he pulled back from the kiss, instead pressing hot opened mouth kisses down over your neck and between your cleavage before working his way back to your neck.

“So gorgeous for me my angel,” Newt breathed into your ear as he crooked his fingers deep inside of you, his cock straining and hard in his slacks.

“Newt please”, you whined desperately, clutching at his shoulder as you bucked your hips wildly in pleasure.

“Please what my darling? Tell me what you need.” he purred, freezing his actions completely in favour of sitting back and looking down at you. You just looked so pretty sprawled out for him, looking at him with such wanton beauty.

You whined in frustration when he stopped his ministrations and pulled his fingers free, trying to shift your hips and whimpering when he simply used his forearm to hold you still with that stupid sexy smirk on his face.

“I want you!” you whined again and Newt almost felt guilty for the briefest moment until he remembered how you’d been incessantly teasing him, driving him wild.

“You have me, baby. I’m all yo-“,

You groaned loudly in frustration, tipping your head back at his cruel teasing “oh my stars Newt! I want you. Inside me. Not your fingers.” You were practically pleading now but you were far too gone to care. Especially when he was rubbing teasing circles on your hip with his thumb and you could feel your own wetness on his digits.

Newt felt his cock give an interested jolt in the tight confines of his pants at your words and he relented his firm hold of you to reach for his pants instead. He made quick work of undoing his pants and shoving them down but you also used the window of opportunity to rise up onto your knees, pushing him onto his back before he could realise what was happening.

You wasted no time in straddling him, tugging your dress off over your head before you crashed your lips to his and reached down to grip his hard cock in your hand. You pumped the hard length in your hand a few times before you settled in his lap, rocking against him with a soft moan.

Newt groaned when you began to grind against him, grazing his teeth against your skin as he tucked his face into the crook of your neck “Y/N”, he groaned again when you gripped his throbbing cock again and rubbed the head of it against your glistening slit.

You rose up on your knees a little bit, gripping Newts shoulder hard in one hand and his throbbing length in the other and Newt held his breath and closed his eyes in anticipation.

But he blinked his eyes open again after a few moments passed and you hadn’t moved an inch. He let out a growl when he spotted the teasing little smile you had on your lips and he pushed you back onto the bed in one fluid motion, spreading your legs with his calloused hands and then settling over the top of you.

“You just love it don’t you?” He looked down into your eyes as he positioned his cock at your entrance “you love driving me wild...teasing me so I’ll snap”, he murmured as he nipped at your earlobe, running one hand up your body and tweaking one of your nipples between his thumb and forefinger.

He relished the small mewl you let out in response as you wrapped your legs around his waist, trying to thrust your hips up towards him and whimpering when he held you down with his other hand.

“That boy is just lucky he had half a brain not to lay a hand on you”, Newt breathed against the skin of your neck, marking your sensitive skin.

“W-why’s that?” You managed to stutter out, your lips parting a moment later when his thumb rubbed over your clit.

“Because only I get to see you like this.” He thrust his length into you in one fluid thrust, letting out a low groan of pleasure and tipping his head back as you cried out from the sudden intrusion.

You were gripping his shaft with your walls in the most delicious way as you clenched your muscles tightly around him. “Oh Newt,” you sighed out, your voice high and breathy as you keened at the way he was stretching your walls.

It was a welcome contrast to his usual slow method of opening you up bit by bit with his mouth and fingers. Just the dark look of lust in his eyes and the unreserved pleasure on his face was enough to make you a trembling mess beneath him.

Newt pulled his hips back slowly until just the tip of his cock was inside you, slamming his hips forward in one motion with a deep groan before he set up a pace of thrusting into you continuously.

You couldn’t help your cries of pleasure as he had his way with you, completely captivated watching how unreserved and dominant your husband now was. He was pounding into you with abandon and you could do nothing more than lay there and take it, rolling your own hips up to meet his.

“You’re so incredible,” Newt panted, the sweat forming on his brow as he moved above you and inside you. His hips stuttered to a complete halt though just a moment later and you whined in response, trying to understand why on earth he had stopped but then you saw him scrambling for his wand and muttering about a protection spell.

“Leave it,” you breathed out without a second thought, taking his hand in your own and Newt whipped his head back to look at you in shock. “We don’t...I’m not worried. We’ve spoken about this already and- well I’m ready if you are,” you murmured as you squeezed his hand in yours, looking back at him with wide eyes.

Newt stared back at you blankly for a moment and you were worried you’d upset him but then he was pinning both of your hands back above your head and crashing his lips to yours in a deep kiss as he began to thrust into you again.

This time he was really pounding into you with a whole new sense of purpose and you moaned into his mouth as you squeezed your legs around him, spurring him on to fuck into you harder.

He was handling you far more roughly than he ever had before and you were a trembling mess below him, shrieking into his mouth when one of his hands found its way between your legs again and he thumbed over your sensitive nub again.

Newt pulled back at your shriek but when he saw the look of utter euphoria on your face he tucked his own face into your neck, sucking at the marks he’d made earlier while he jackhammered into you “come on darling, let go for me. Come for me angel”, he murmured directly into your ear like he knew you loved, flicking over your clit even faster.

Your entire body shuddered as the coil in your stomach finally snapped and you came, wrapping your arms around him tightly and crying out into his shoulder as you clenched around him rhythmically.

“Ohhh Merlin, Y/N, Y/N I’m gonna,” he trailed off with a groan when he felt the way you were clenching around him, as if your pussy was trying to milk his cock.

You were still in the midst of your orgasm when you heard him and felt the way his cock swelled inside you just barely and you nodded quickly “yes come for me, baby. Fill me up,” you murmured before capturing his lips again.

Newt rutted into you just a few more times before he finally shattered at the thought of spilling his seed inside you unprotected and the sensation of you still gripping his length. He pumped into you slowly as the warm cum spurted from his cock, filling you to the brim.

You whined softly as the sensation and stroked at his messy hair while Newt collapsed against you, panting heavily against your shoulder.

When his breathing calmed after a minute or so he carefully pulled out from you and you closed your eyes, already missing the feeling of him. He flopped onto the bed beside you and you both lay there, catching your breath, you with a small blissful smile on your face.

“Y/N”, he said it so quietly with the most timid tone that you quickly looked over at him in confusion and when you saw the distressed look on his face you grabbed his hand in your own.

He opened his mouth to talk but you lifted your other hand to press a finger to his mouth, effectively shushing him “Newton, I swear to everything-you-hold-sacred that if you apologise for the best sex we’ve had yet I will hex your mouth shut.”

You looked back at his stunned expression and you moved your finger from his mouth and gently stroked his cheek “unless...unless you regret not using the protection charm. In that case we can reverse it, there’s nothing to worry about.”

You sat up, reaching for your wand but Newt took your hand, shaking his head before he dropped a delicate kiss to the back of your hand “no it’s not that I promise...I was just worried, I got- I got carried away. You promise I didn’t hurt you?”, he murmured, flicking his eyes up to look at you in concern.

“Sweetheart I promise. You didn’t hurt me. I would have told you if I wasn’t enjoying it. You have to trust that,” you soothed, gently caressing his cheek and pressing a soft kiss to his lips a moment later. You were constantly surprised by how gentle and caring he was but you were certainly happy to have seen this new side of your husband.

Newt smiled again and nodded before he gently pulled you into his lap, hugging you close and tucking his face into your shoulder “I love you Mrs. Scamander,” he murmured, smiling at the way you preened at the name.

He lifted you into his arms and headed towards the bathroom, and you wasted no time to smile flirtatiously up at him “ohhhh did I hear you say ‘round two in the shower?’ ” You teased winking up at him.

Newt rolled his eyes fondly at you, shaking his head “shut it you, that’s enough of your teasing for one week,” he said, dropping a gentle kiss to your forehead and you laughed softly in response.

“I love you too, Mr. Scamander.”

-Other Works Here!-

#newt scamander x reader #newton artemis fido scamander #newt scamander x you #newt scamander smut

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gremlinanonstoryblog · 3 years

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✨Update✨

So, we did take more time to talk about the elephant in the room, and you will find out why in this update :D

The day after we found the tiny box, Miss oh honey just, OUT OF THE BLUE, decided to put on a suit

I had ONE OF THE BIGGEST GAY PANICS OF MY LIFE

She just doesn't look pretty with it

No no nonononono

SHE COMPLETELY ROCKS IT

Just- HOW DO YOU GO FROM CUTE BEAM TO SEXY LIKE THAT!?!?! WHAT KIND OF POWER IS THAT!?!?!?!

Hold up- DID I JUST GOT GAYER!?!?

HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!?!?!?

If I die of gay overdose I just want my final words to be:

MY DEATH IS ON YOU MISS OH HONEY!!!

ANYWAY, as I was being seduced Roommate finally woke up!!!

Me and Miss oh honey were just being gay on the sofa that is on the left of the sofa Roommate was sleeping on

I can only imagine how gay and confusing Roommates POV most have been, like, they were peacefully sleeping and when they wake up, they see Miss oh honey in a suit, me sitting on her lap, while we have a gay moment

Fun times :D

To call our attention, they pretended to clear their throat loudly so we could hear

We didn't

They tried to make sounds with things around them

We still didn't hear

We were too entranced, too focused on each other's gaze to notice anything around us, it was a really soft moment that part of me wishes it lasted forever

I never expirienced something like this, we were simply looking in each others eyes, but it was as if I could read her mind as much as she could read mine, we didn't need any words to express what we wanted or needed at the moment, we simply knew it

It felt like magic of some sort

Unfortunately it had to end because Roommate was getting desperate with the itch on their arms

When we snapped back to reality, I got up, picked the lotion and put it on Roommate's arms

They were pouting, me and Miss oh honey looked at each other then at them, and I asked

"Why are you mad?"

*insert very exaggerated dramatic voice*

"Because YOU BETRAYED ME!!! YOU WERE BEING GAY BEHIND MY BACK!!!! HOW ABSOLUTELY CRUEL OF YOU TO DO THAT ME!!!"

They kept being overly dramatic and me and Miss oh honey were rolling on the floor XD

The day went as normally as it can get with me and Roommate dying of gay panic, Miss oh honey in suit is too good for us

Nobody mentioned the little box or the octopus, wich was odd cause Miss oh honey was pretty keen on talking bout it

When I went to cook dinner, I called Miss oh honey to help set the table, I closed the door behind us so Roommate wouldn't hear and started talking

"Why didn't you talk about it?"

"Bout wha- Ohh... Right that... Look I jus-"

"No excuses! I'm not saying you need to go and tell them, I just want to know what is holding you back"

"I- I just- It's complicated... I just feel like I shouldn't and BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING I'm not saying this because I don't love them or anything of the sort, I just- I don't- I donno I just- I don't feel like I should- Like, I'm not- I'm scared..."

I didn't say anything, I simply held her hand and panciently waited until she was confortable to talk again, at her own pace

"Since we were little kids... They were were always there to protect me, it didn't matter if they had punched me or only said something mean to me, as long as it hurt me, Roommate was always there to protect me... I knew that no matter what I would be safe as long as I was with them, and, strangly enough... I felt safer in their company then at my own house since, my parents always wanted to keep the facade of the perfect middle class familly so they let Roommate be my friend out of pity for them since they were an orphan..."

"Hold up a bit... Roommate is an orphan!?"

"Yeah! I even got the chance to meet their siblings before they got separated"

"Siblings!?"

"Yep! Two baby twins!"

"Wow... I need to talk with Roommate about that someday, but right now, lets get back to were we left off"

"Right right... Like I was saying, Roommate was, and still is, my knight in shining armor... They are my protector... My hero... But, I don't want them to be the one scraficing themselves because I'm week or something... We are both worthy of as much protection as the other and- I think thats whats holding me back"

"Well... I get that! And, well... You should talk with them about that and-"

"There is no need to, I heard everything"

We were both looking at them with our eyes as wide as a dears caught in a cars light in the middle of the night

"Look, just because I got my arms burned doesn't meen I got def! And uuhh... I- I didn't know you felt like that..."

We both stayed looking at them not knowing wtf to do!!!

WE JUST MUTE!!!! WE MUTE NOW!!!

As we were being two mute idiots, they proceded

"You know I- I never did that cause I thought you were weak or anything... Cause, weeelll... I just wanted to show off most of time when we were little kids with our little problems and, as I grew older, I stoped doing it for showing off to one of the prettiest girls in the world and started doing it to make you feel safe... I just wanted you to feel protected and taken care of and, I guess I was sorta acting like a big sister at first... But then your parents kicked you out of the house and- Well... We all know were it got us to, don't we?"

I was going to answer, but then Miss oh honey walked close to them, pulled their shirt to make them lean in and kissed them, proceeding to say

"Yeah, in marriage"

My jaw dropped so low I thought it was GOING TO FALL OFF

AND ROOMMATE WASN'T ANY BETTER THAN ME!!!!

THAT WAS- JUST- JESUS MISS OH HONEY!!!!

They were there having a moment so I thought I would go back to cooking, but when I turned around THEY BOTH GRABED ME AND SANDWICHED ME!!!!

Picture this, Im the tiniest here, so I had a big strong woman holding from behind, and a woman slightly taller than me wearing a suit and giving me nose bleeds

Needless to say I COMPLETELY FAINTED RIGHT THERE!!!

GAY OVERDOSE IS GONNA KILL ME ONE OF THESE DAYS!!!

In the middle of my panic, Roommate turns me around, holds my face and asks

"What bout your anwser?"

I followed Miss oh honeys steps and anwsered

"It's a yes you dummy!!! Also, aren't dying inside with the pain you most be feeling from your arms???"

"I'm alright actually! The lotion did wonders with the pain and itching!"

"I'm glad but please let go of me now if you want to have a decent dinner"

They both let go and went to set the table while I cooked

I will have another update soon since we never have a fucking rest around here "-w-

Hope you are having a great day/afternoon/evening/night :3

#gremlin anon #miss oh honey #gremlin anons roommate

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grishaversebigbang · 4 years

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#20 - The Ass Breakers

Project Info

Gang name: THE ASS BREAKERS

Title: the quest for waffle house

Synopsis: Having moved to California after being freed from a foster home in Virginia, Nina is missing her life on the east coast, and most importantly, Waffle House. Horrified that her Californian friends Inej and Jesper have never even heard of the best waffle chain ever, Nina takes them on an epic road trip across America in search of some decent breakfast food, along with the chance to get with the girl she’s always had a crush on, a boy running from his father, and maybe a taste of her old life again.

Wylan wants nothing more than to run. He feels trapped living with a father who is ashamed to have a moron for a son. When Jan Van Eck announces that Wylan will be studying at an all-boys boarding school in a small town in Virginia, he feels a flicker of hope for a better future, but the road leading up to it is long and dangerous.

Short excerpt:

“Are you kidding me? Of course I knew. You two obviously have something going on.” Jesper smirked. “I’m offended that you didn’t tell me earlier,” he said, placing a hand on his heart.

“Tell you—Jesper, this is a new thing! I just figured this out like, yesterday, you can’t just invalidate my awakening like this!” Nina protested.

Yesterday? Well, Jesper had thought he was dumb, but at least he knew when he liked someone. At least, he was pretty sure.

He’d thought it was obvious. He’d sort of suspected this was going to happen, had prepared for inevitably becoming some sort of third wheel. It was okay, of course. Nina and Inej were his best friends. He couldn’t ever be jealous of them.

“I just—god, I know it’s never gonna happen. I shouldn’t let these feelings last any longer, I just needed to talk to someone,” Nina sighed.

Did… did Nina actually think that Inej was straight? Sure, she’d only ever dated guys (that Kaz guy was something else), and might have said, at one point, that she was straight, but Jesper wasn’t born yesterday. Obviously she wasn’t and she just didn’t know it. She listened to Girl in Red, for God’s sake. (That was Nina’s fault, and Inej had said at one point that she wasn’t gay, she just liked her music, but still.)

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Inej was actually straight. Jesper was pretty confident in his gaydar, but if Nina of all people thought differently…

He could have comforted her better, but all Jesper said was, “It’s okay.” He pulled Nina into a tight hug. “We bisexuals stick together.”

Nina snickered, a muffled sound against his chest. “Solidarity.”

“You’re my best friend. I love you. Thank you for telling me.”

Gang Introduction

@fricklefracklefloof

Role: Etherealki

Short introduction/fun fact: alex keeps calling me a wylan and jesper kinnie i hate her

@artisticaperture

Role: Materialki (art)

Short introduction/fun fact: I’m 5’0” tall.

@corpsecro

Role: Materialki

Short introduction/fun fact: teachers be like “i heard you smuggled a dead rat to class.” bruh it was a lizard

@tessavioletandchill (Alex!)

Role: Corporalki (Beta)

Short introduction/fun fact: To simp or not to simp, that is the question. I have a bald Timothee Chalamet profile picture and have the energy to make a semi-famous vine that people say isn’t that funny. Fear me.

@blue-artisces (archie)

Role: materialki (artist)

Short introduction/fun fact: I like being a gay cowboy (yee haw). I also have a SLIGHT addiction towards bad puns (I created our amazing gang name btw).

@tsaritsa-zoya

Role: Corporalki

Short introduction/fun fact: im lyn, she/her, & i enjoy breaking ass. my favorite food is rice # asian tingz

@starw1sh

Role: Materialki/Artist

Short introduction/fun fact: I love REALLY niche historical events and topics

#gvbbgangintro #grishabigbang20

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pinesconessecrets · 5 years

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A perfect holiday

For @say-hey-im-gay Hope you like it! :D

“Hey…Dipper?” he said, making his roommate turn slowly to look at him with tired eyes “I… I made cookies, do you want some?” he offered while showing the tray he was carrying, which was full of slightly misshapen gingerbread men.

“Sure, thanks Wirt” he sat up and he smiled a little in his direction, patting the space in the bed beside him for him to sit as well.

Wirt almost sighed in relief. Ever since receiving the news of the airline suspending their flights Dipper had been devastated, because unlike Wirt that could visit his family every weekend if he so desired, distance made that practically impossible for him. It had been a year and a half without being able to see his sister (because studying in Italy made it hard for her to travel too often) and two without seeing his parents and great uncles. But that Christmas everyone had the time and money to reunite and spend the holidays together, thing that had Dipper almost bursting of happiness and energy, allowing him to take his finals head on and to smile despite everything bad that happened that year. And then the airline called, saying that his flight was canceled due to the weather. No matter how hard he tried to find another way to travel, everything had either been canceled or was full to the brim.

It wasn’t fair.

“Wirt?” he called, a headless gingerbread man in his hand that could easily be the eighth wonder of the world with how hard he was looking at it “I know you want to cheer me up, and I’m really thankful for that, but…” he sighed, turning his eyes to watch him instead “you don’t have to spend winter break with me, Wirt, your family is waiting for you”

And that was the thing, wasn’t it?

Dipper was completely right, his family lived two hours on car away and even with the snow and the cold wind it wasn’t that hard to go home on time. What was stopping him, then? Camaraderie towards his best friend? A lack of desire to see his family? A ‘better safe than sorry’ situation?

No.

The real reason was the big crush he had on Dipper, and that spending a couple of days together without the pressure of school on their shoulders was too big of an opportunity to pass.

“I already told you” he faked a cough trying to pretend his voice didn’t sound an octave higher than normal “they are going to spend Christmas with Dad’s side of the family, and they don’t like me very much. Neither do I” he added with a whisper “So I decided to go until New Year’s eve or a few days before it. And hey, if that allows me to hang out with you in peace, then it isn’t that bad. Right?”

“Hang out with me”

“Yeah…”

“while the weather is this awful”

“Yes…”

“And almost everything that we could’ve wanted to do is closed”

“Well… the ice ring the school has is open to students… and the coffee shop in front of the library is serving a delicious hot cocoa or so I’ve heard…”

A pause. And then a laugh.

“Well, how the fuck can I say no? You certainly know your way to a boy’s heart. What’s next, watching cheesy movies while cuddling?” Dipper said with a joking tone in his voice.

“If you’re lucky”

The blush on Dipper’s face was totally worth the embarrassment he had while saying that.

* * *

While it might look weird for a school to have a totally equipped ice ring at campus, no one at Ghibli College minded seeing as it allowed the hockey and the ice skating team to practice without trouble, just the same as the other clubs. And, even though all year long the entry was denied if you weren’t part of one of the teams, at winter break the ice ring was available to all the students staying at campus, as a way of making their stay more enjoyable.

Which was just so fucking perfect for Wirt, because while (almost) no one could argue his specialty were the poetry and playing the clarinet, he was also pretty decent at skating.

“Okay, okay, I think I’m getting the hang of this…” Dipper said, before slipping (again) and barely managing to grab Wirt’s arm on time to avoid fall on his face “Or so I thought”

“Well… it isn’t that hard, Dip. Just… think of it like stop being human for a second. And then, you are mythical being, freely roaming around the beautiful world Mother Nature has given you, gliding gracefully over…” he coughed, feeling how his cheeks seemed to go warmer by the second. What a way to ruin the moment “Sorry… I just…”

“No, it’s okay Wirt. I quite liked what you said” he smiled, a shy look in his face “It was cute. And really inspiring” he added with a wink “I might just drop out and go live in the woods like I’m mean to do”

“Shut up, Pines” embarrassed he gently pushed him, totally forgetting the lack of balance the other had “Oh God, Dipper!”

****

After apologizing over and over (and picking Dipper from the floor), they stayed an hour skating (or, in Dipper’s case, trying not to fall) before finally deciding that it was enough and they were cold, hungry and sore (and that last one wasn’t only in Dipper’s case, because he had gotten his sweet revenge pushing Wirt to the ice a few times).

As they made their way towards the coffee shop, Wirt couldn’t help but to watch Dipper from the corner of his eye. He seemed to be feeling better, his eyes shining the way they did when he finished a mystery book and a soft smile that he had only saw a few other times before. And considering that one of those times was the day he met his friend Soos’ daughter… well, could anyone really blame him for wanting to stop the world and bathe in the feeling the thought of making Dipper that happy gave him?

“So” said Dipper after a moment of comfortable silence where they cautiously sipped their drinks “where did you learn to skate like that?”

“You say that as if I were a professional and not just a person that doesn’t have balance problems” he laughed as Dipper punched him softly in the shoulder “Well… when I was a kid Mom was always encouraging me to try and make friends, and that included her taking me to different clubs or courses” he sighed and frowned a little at the memories “One day she took me to the ice skating club of the city, and I stayed because it was one of the few activities I enjoyed”

“I see…” he munched on his second cupcake before speaking again “my parents did the same. I hated it because they never gave me the chance to choose one, but thanks to it I discovered my passion for the piano so…” he shrugged and smiled with chocolate stained lips “worth it”

He smiled and took a sip from his coffee, his mind immediately moving from his childhood memories to the ones of Dipper playing the piano: his long fingers moving through the keys, his fingernails painted just like Mabel had done them in his first concert; his lips that tried to stay in a perfect line in order to look professional, but that if you payed enough attention you could watch them turn upward when he got lost in the feeling of playing or downward when he thought he had messed up somewhat; and the way the rest of his body seemed to connect with the piano, his entire being focusing on the melody and the melody only.

He wondered if Dipper would like to play with him someday.

* * *

“Okay, I have to admit” said Dipper before throwing himself over the couch “that went way better than I thought. Thanks” he turned to smile at Wirt, only to have a blanket thrown at his face “Hey! What the-”

“Hush. You have a lot of luck so I’m gonna put the first sitcom I find in Netflix and then we are gonna cuddle. Any questions?” he said faking confidence. Oh God, he really was going to do it, wasn’t he?

Dipper blinked slowly. Once. Twice. On the third, Wirt had to fight a wince.

And there it was, the cute laugh Dipper was so ashamed of, the one he always tried so hard not to do. But right now he didn’t seem to care, laughing as if he didn’t have a single problem in his life.

“Oh, my, I’m way too lucky, uh?” with a big grin in his face he turned and shifted until finding a position he liked “Hurry up! Come here and cuddle me, loser”

It wasn’t long before they were watching the fourth episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine, their limbs intertwined and their bodies warm and comfortable. It felt so natural to be together that way, yet Wirt couldn’t help but think it could be so much better. He just had to take a chance.

“I’m in love with you” was mumbled into soft brown curls. A snort soon followed and arms tightened their hold around his body.

“I thought it was obvious that I love you too, dork”

The rest of their day was spend that way, with the two of them watching Netflix while cuddling and talking in low voices. Their Christmas’ eve dinner? A pizza they made with the few ingredients left in their pantry and that was miraculously comestible. Their Christmas’ gifts? The ones they already had for the other and a sweater exchange they thought of in the moment.

Looking around, at Wirt asleep by his side wearing the Doctor Who themed sweatshirt he gave him (it was the only one that fit him) and the rainbow blanket Mabel had gifted him two years ago covering them both, Dipper couldn’t help but think it was perfect.

He might not have everything he wanted, but at least love wasn’t something he lacked in his life.

#pinescone #pinescone secret Santa #Pinesocne Secret santa 2018 #Wirt #Dipper #OTGW #GF #submission

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kadyshackkk-blog · 6 years

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Final Reckoning Episode One Review plus a little info from seasons past.

Hello World! Mtv’s Hit The Challenge Returned Tuesday July 10, 2018 at 9pm! This season is “the end of the challenge as we know it”. Which as of right now I’m calling total b.s. since well mtv the last few season has been “recreating” older seasons ie; The Challenge Invasion of the champions, a very sad and terrible attempt to recreate the iconic The Ruins. Then we went into Dirty 30, the longest season in existence and a horrible rip off of Free Agents which in my opinion was the last great season of the show. In the dirty 30 we had something called the purge aka lets fuck Darrell over and allow a bunch of idiots to run the show. Yes I am still bitter because Darrell was robbed out of a title that season and instead our winners were a racist and an anti feminist douche lord, I mean Camila and Jordan. Then we slide into Vendettas after that tragic second season of Champs V stars, which we won’t even talk about since it was a bunch of d list celebrities who i didnt even know and well the terrell owens aka the biggest bitch in the nfl. Moving along, on Vendettas we received a much needed invasion of new people from big brother and mtv uk! Be warned I have never watched mtv Uk shows or any big brother so I had zero idea who these people were but I was excited to see them! We also got from season 5 of are you the one Kam, Eddie, and Alicia. I loved that season of ayto and the people they chose to come onto vendettas made total sense. But what didn’t make any sense at all was the poor get rid of eddie they did. Now I will only say this once and the source that told me this is very credible since he was on their season of ayto he also doesn’t like either person involved however he dislikes eddie more. Simple fact is Alicia Lied, plan and simple. There was never a restraining order or anything of that nature. You can look it up online its public information in every state. Moving on from that, the additions from the uk were all very attractive, and before you gasp and say even Kyle?! Yes even Kyle , I feel like he looks better in person then he does on tv. The fights that season we’re beyond annoying . This was my face anytime Kailah or nicole spoke or were on my tv screen

I give them both a chance every season they are on but they always make me regret giving said chance. The luggage throwing incident pissed me the fuck off. & Before you all go WeLL cArA dID iT To JOrdAn guess what she put a waterproof bag of his clothes in water omg get over it. Jemmeye Kailah & Britni Ganged up on kayleigh because of a rumor about her and bananas that Devin started to get Johnny thrown into elimination. It was not okay, it is never okay to touch someone elses belongings ever. I do not care, her stuff was broken and none of the actual apologized for it.

Now for what you came for my review of the Challenge Final Reckoning Episode 1

First off I was hoping this season was a team season sadly it was just a rip off of the Rivals series which was only decent for rivals 1 and 2. Rivals 3 was ridiculous and a waste of time and energy. In the beginning we see everyone show up and Tj is all like guess what your partner is buried and you have to find them! oh and the last two teams will be sent home ending their time in south africa. Me as a view knowing damn well tj is full of shit

We see Zach dig up his partner Amanda first. Listen I was very excited to hear that Amanda was coming back this season! I really was until all the twitter beef with cara, and unless you’ve been living under a rock you know exactly what I am talking about. (hint him and amanda won the challenge wooooooooh)

Here is everyones partnerships.

Zach & Amanda; Their beef seems a little forced since it’s about Amanda “making up” lies about jenna that even jenna confirmed was true. This team will go far if Zach learns how to work well with women.

Angela & Faith; I honestly don’t understand their beef, really over tor’i really. irrelevant ass team. Angela doesn’t have that same energy she did with Alicia when it comes to Shane and Kam. They won’t go far unless someone (cough cough angela sleeps with someone in power, pulling a veronica in the ruins when she hooked up with my favorite toothbrush twin evan.)

Dj Bald I mean Brad & hair plugs pathological liar I mean kyle; THIS TEAM MAKES ZERO SENSE YALL DEADASS MADE SOME SHIT UP. UHM HELLOOO DARRELL TAYLOR DID NOT WHOOP THAT ASS ON THE RUINS FOR ZERO REASON. Like mtv please stop calling kyle , he literally makes me want to stab him daily.

Cara & Marie; Listen these two have serious dislike for each other over a fucking tweet cara liked & it makes sense they are together. I honestly think this team will do well if Marie Actually fucking tries which i think she will. Tbh marie did campaign to be caras Partner.. However I feel like we as viewers deserved a coral cara team. Those two are both very strong women who need to work out their issues and become civil because I personally love them both.

Ct & Veronica; An og team, ct called v weak but she won more daily challenges then the majority of the girls on dirty 30 . A team to actually fear if they try and win

Derrick & Tori; Yasssss my boo derrick is back!!!!!! Don’t tell tyler but i adore derrick and think hes amazing. I really like tori as well but her taste in men is just as questionable as mine. Back story tori cheated on derrick with jordan. therefor they don’t like each other.

Bananas & ??? : THIS LITERALLY COULD BE ANYBODY. I’m hoping its sarah so he can break his curse and retire because honestly no one can touch his record unless Landon came out of retirement or if production doesn’t keep fucking over darrell

Joss & Sylvia the sheep; Joss is Hot , and he voted sheep into the elimination and she got mad. damn well knowing she would’ve done the same thing. they do great.

Kam & Melissa; I love this team, this “rivalry” started over a misunderstanding I’m hoping they do well...

Natalie & Paulie; I don’t care enough to waste my time

Nelson & Shane; I’m actually started to like nelson, my dislike for him comes from my loyalty to tyler.. I love shane he is the sassy gay bff that I need in my life. This team will do well if nelson and shane both keep themselves in check

Mama Day & Jozea; I’ve never watched big brother but this team is by far my favorite big brother pairing, I follow both on twitter and they make me laugh daily. underdogs i stan

Britni & Chuck; The hotmess express team. Clearly still feelings there, chuck sucks for what he did to her, they will need to find a way to get past their issues

Jenna & Jemmeye; One of the best moves in challenge history caused this feud. they will do well, jemmeyes brain and jennas brawn.

Kailah & Kayleigh; Failah likes to bully others kayleigh was her victim last season. they’ll probably be out pretty early..

Now to the results of the challenge

Amanda and Zach won.

I’m not to sure about the rest of the order except for the fact Day & Jozea came in last but before jem & Jenna and Chuck & britni.

it was chucks fault him and brit lost

it was jennas fault her and jem lost

but was anyone really in shock

So then we hear bananas yelling for help since his partner left due to family emergency everyone goes digs him up and if it was up to me he wouldve been sent “home” and not brit and chuck since they almost beat day and jozea.. after they get bananas hoe ass out tj announces that amanda and zach are able to send another team home! And out of all the teams these two dumb asses pick day and jozea. like uhm helllooooooo!!! ya’ll deadass had the chance to send send strong teams home... I can’t the stupidity of these two i can’t. SO then the three teams leave and “go home”. Everyone goes to the house and already a fight breaks out between shane and angela, over a fucking shelf. Homegirl didn’t have the energy with shane like she did with Alicia , but we already knew she was a fraud. Then cut to outside where Joss and amanda are already flirting with each other. I will give credit is due, Amanda is a beautiful girl but has a very ugly soul and joss is very smart to hookup with her, camera time is everything and why not hook up with one of the most dramatic cast members ever. Cut to Syliva saying this could go great for her alliance or terribly for her alliance at least shes smart. The Que the amanda and joss makeout session. Then we cut to bananas cara and hair plugs talking about cara and kyle. Everything out of kyles mouth is a lie and garbage. Kyle states hes gonna sleep with other people and caras like cool whatever . The cut to faith and hairplugs making out, then faith gets into hottub and johnny being johnny brings it up in front of cara, and cara pulls a queen move by being like if he doesnt want me im not gonna wait around. boy bye best choice shes ever made. Then baby girl proceeded to go into a room and make herself look bad by trying to get at paulie. Like oh no baby what is you doing go to sleep and leave him alone..

Then we cut to the best part of the night in my opinion, first we see melissa walk in and try to be civil with kailah, failah wants zero part in it but melissa still tries because melissa wants to be nice then failah pushes melissa and melissa molly whopped her then they were pulled apart

Everyone but kailah stans on twitter

Then the teams who were “sent home” arrive at the redemption house and tj explains some shit i wasn’t paying attention because i didnt care at that point

Then they go to the photoshoot day and Tj shows up which is never good..

Tells melissa and kailah they are both out ..

Now we dont know kam and kayleighs fate, we find out next week..

Over all this episode was awesome , the cliffhanger was needed , we had a fight some hook ups and a twist.

this season will be interesting to say the least.

#mtv the challenge #final reckoning

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stuffandsundry · 6 years

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Arc 1: The Beat Riders

Premise

Most of the early episodes don't need to change all that much, compared to later--

Ah. Shit. I forgot to address my beef with Kaito. ok gimme a sec uhh. Ok. Okokok so here we go. I'm not gonna do this for all the characters because mostly, character introductions are fffffairly okay. Some are better than others but like, they're all at least workable… except. HIM. Kaito, the most out of all the gaim characters, makes zero sense so im gonna throw EVERYTHING out and try to extrapolate something based off of backstory given from Gaiden and canon and a little bit of real riders. Hope it makes sense. So, recap of backstory: Kaito's family used to be decently middle class and he played near the shrine tree, until Yggdrasil came in and bought them out. Kaito's dad didn't really know what to do after losing his purpose in life and turns to drinking/gambling, and they rapidly lose whatever money they had gotten from the corporation, dad becomes abusive, parents kill themselves and Kaito is left at an orphanage and grows up bitter and vaguely traumatized. Gets into a lot of fights at school, is a history nerd, etc. Cool, that's workable. Extrapolation from that for this scenario (oh yeah also, I did say girl now, it's Keiko now)

Keiko rreally hates Yggdrasil. If they had never moved in, maybe her family could have stayed together.

She's always looking for something to challenge her- she saw her family "give up" early on, and she doesn't want to end up like them. Struggle as proof that she's alive? No sympathy for people who've given up fighting, in her eyes.

Related to Point 2. Believes in a fair fight. There's no use in beating down someone clearly weaker than you, and anyone who does that is a coward and a bully. And if you need to lie to someone to beat them, then that doesn’t count as an actual victory. Wants to be acknowledged as the best by her own power.

A lot of pride. Doesn't like accepting help or depending on others/seeming weak. Talks big but also has a lot of like. Self-worth issues, thinks that people have to be "worth" something to be allowed to live, which comes from being abandoned by family so young.

Listen I know that this is a Very Standard anime rival lone wolf archetype but it didn't get to be a standard because it /Didn't/ Work, also I got really attached to Keiko halfway through typing this just let me have this please, I rarely if ever see it applied to girls,

Actually, the soccer episode also gave me the idea that Keiko would be the type of person that just. Rolls with things, no matter how vaguely ludicrous they are. Re: canon soccer episode. What are you gonna do when you get punched in the gut, sending you to an alternate dimension where the city wasn't destroyed and everyone uses the power of the drivers to play soccer? Clearly, become the best damn armored soccer player ever. That's such a funny trait I'm keeping it. It would be such a good source of deadpan comedy. Example: in high school Keiko was a delinquent who got into fights, how did she end up captain of a dance team? Nobody knows. (Most likely: somebody tried to insult her by saying that she couldn't dance for shit and she decided that the best way to rise to this challenge was to… take over a dance team and make them teach her.) Simultaneously zero chill and weirdly chill. Chill about all the wrong things.

Okay, back to plot. Only minor changes for the first 14 episodes, which I'm collecting into an arc--

Instead of Micchy becoming Ryugen, I wanna say that Micchy shows the rest of the Beat Riders the driver he got from Sid ahead of time and Mai sees her chance and asks him to give it to her. Because on one hand, Mai's grateful that Kouta's staying behind because Yuuya's gone missing and Mai isn't sure that she can handle being the final word of authority in Gaim, but on the other, Mai's kinda annoyed that Kouta stayed behind because it's like he doesn't trust her to be able to protect the team. Just because she's doubting herself doesn't mean that he should! She wants to stand on equal level with Kouta, so the driver. Micchy does give Mai the driver, because he cares a lot about Mai. However, subconsciously or not, he was looking forwards to being the one of the people that the team relied on, so a seed of resentment is also planted here. This colors his decisions in favor of keeping things secret from the rest of the team moving forwards as well.

Within the team, Mai and Micchy more-or-less switch roles, except that Micchy is also finding out a lot of Yggdrasil's-- and his sister's-- secrets in the meantime, so he's still extremely relevant. This way, there's a character arc set up for both Mai and Micchy-- Mai needs to learn that Gaim will follow her (like they did when Yuuya was around) not for her fighting ability or anything, but because she cared about people and wanted to make them happy. Mai realizes that she didn't need to change in order to become a strong leader, because she was already a strong leader and she just needed to trust in herself. On the other hand, Micchy's going to eventually realize that staying quiet about things that upset him is actively working to make his life worse because his friends and family aren't mind readers and they can't tell if they did something to upset him if he doesn't verbalize it. And if his friends and family really, truly care about him, then they'd be upset at THEMSELVES about hurting him, not at him. His secretive martyrdom is a ticking time bomb for everyone.

Ah yeah, one plot change I have to mention here: Keiko doesn't want the other teams to be her vassals because what's the fucking point, Team Baron is the best anyways. (That entire thing was a little. Hm. Idk how much sense it made, man. And it only lasted like two episodes so there was no point to it except to show that Kaito was an asshole even???) So in this 'verse, the reason that she gives Hase and Jo more powerful lockseeds in the first place is because. Gaim is the only real challenger to Baron, which means that theres only one person that she can fight meaningfully and that’s boring as shit. Raid Wild and Invitto still want to fight, they're just lacking the means. The only real surprise is that they come after her with drivers, which she didn't know they had. She has mixed feelings about the sneak attack. On one hand, maybe Hase and Jo are stronger than she thought they were! On the other, those motherfucking SNAKES,

Oh wow I just realized that having Keiko instead of Kaito makes that scene where Mai goes into the forest alone and Baron finds her… really gay. Mai bandaging Keiko's arm and they talk about their childhoods together… Mai remembers that Keiko would always watch her dance and Keiko tells her she was too shy to go up and say hi… Mai's deal wanting to protect those that she holds dear and all that jazz, while Keiko's a cynical SOB. ( By the by, Kouta's not super concerned with Mai being in there until he remembers ah. Mai doesn't have a Lock Vehicle so she can't get out, and the white armored rider is in there, which is when he rushes in like a fool. Except he's on his own while Mai is with Keiko, so it ends up being Kouta who has to get rescued, etc, etc. a lot of early stuff goes this way tbh. Small changes, but overall plot stays same so im not gonna outline it all.)

Takako's thing is a lot more. Okay. Bear with me here. I feel she'd def be far more defensive than Takatora was, because she's got a lot more to prove, and she's pretty isolated-- again, handing out the drivers wasn't her idea, and she's not getting the respect someone else might get at her job level, it's really stressful but Takako's kept going because the people around her-- Ryumi and the other scientists-- say that this is all going to work. Enter Akira. (YEAH. YOU HEARD ME. KAZURABA AKIRA DESERVES A BIGGER ROLE FUCK YALL)

Akira works for Yggdrasil-- she used to be part of a subsidiary, but her last project just got wrapped up, and she was reassigned to Takako's division as junior project manag-- what the fuck. Oh my god?? Is THIS what Yggdrasil's doing? WAIT THAT'S HER LITTLE BROTHER, SHE RECOGNIZES THAT SUIT. If you have Akira and Takako working together I feel that a lot more is viable here, you could compare and contrast Akira's ideals and Takako's. You can def. challenge Takako's ideology that a little risk and loss now is worth the gains that studying Helheim will grant in the future. Akira can act as audience substitute, basically. She's here to yell "SUPERVISOR KURESHIMA, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, WHAT THE HELL" as takako eventually realizes that… possibly… maybe Akira has a point. She's spent so long chasing the company's bottom line she forgot things like, you know, empathy. The problem is, does she realize this too slowly to do any good? Also, what does Ryumi think about Takako's convictions wavering?

So while we're getting introduced to the main players of the Yggdrasil corporation through Akira, the Beat Rider side asks the questions: Who made these drivers, and why give them out to us? And whats with the strange forest? Which eventually leads us into the Christmas game, and the Yggdrasil base camp incident. Kouta learns considerably less than he did (seriously, how did those scientists not get suspicious) but he does learn: this forest is called Helheim, the scientists here work for yggdrasil, and that the Sengoku is the scientist in charge of this project. And then they realize that kouta isn't a yggdrasil employee and raise the alarm except oh no, that’s the moment that the inves attack and suddenly they have more to worry about. Again, minor changes. Kouta sees his sister at the Yggdrasil base but doesn't get the chance to talk to her, everything else can basically go as it did… incluuuding Hase.

Okay. Hase.

Here's how this works. His driver gets broken, okay, fine. Jo doesn't abandon him right away. Even if he's kind of an aggressive musclehead, they've still been working together for a while. But she's not enough to fight alone, and Hase can see that it's really only a matter of time before Jo's goodwill runs out. So he eats the fruit! And does not turn into a monster right away. Instead, it gives him the power that he was looking for this entire time-- he is able to fight on even level as the rest of the armored riders, even though his belt is broken, and it looks like everything is okay. With this, some of the other Beat Riders are considering eating the fruit too. Why's everyone so worried anyways? Besides, they look delicious… however, Micchy points out that Yggdrasil handles the fruits with the utmost caution, and that just because there are no visible harmful effects doesn't mean that they aren't dangerous, etc.

Kouta and Akira also sit down to have a talk about the driver over dinner one night-- they've both been kind of keeping secrets from each other. Akira tries to convince Kouta to stop using the driver because she knows that it's dangerous but isn't sure if Kouta knows that (remember, last time she saw Kouta using the driver in person was Episode 2 shenanigans) -> Kouta shows his sister that yeah, he knows that this isn't a joke, but he wants to help people like she raised him to do. Right now, they need the drivers to fight. Akira relents because he's right, but promises him that after the immediate crisis is over, they're going to have to have another talk about this. Kouta plans to bring his sister to the Gaim garage so that she can brief everyone on everything she's overheard in her the short time she's been working as Takako's assistant, but that'll have to wait until the weekend when she's free. Meanwhile, important stuff is going on in the rest of the city. Show that the beat riders have been losing their audience because of a sudden string of disappearances in Zawame (caused by ppl eating the fruits), and the police are encouraging most people to stay home. Not a lot of people are willing to go outside anymore-- they're scared, and rightfully so. Inves attacks are growing more frequent.

This is pretty frustrating for most of the Beat Riders, especially because people are telling them to break it up and just go home too. More and more Inves are showing up, too… And then some official or something shows up one day and says that until ZPD solves the mystery of the disappearances, the stages are going to be closed. And this is when Hase snaps. See, Hase has been using the belt for a while, so he's built up some immunity to the Helheim fruit's effects. (He doesn't lose it immediately like Yuuya did) But it's still not enough. He'd been acting erratically. More aggressive, recently. And today's the last straw. Hase gets into an argument with the official, it starts getting ugly, Jo steps in between them and…. Hase transforms into an Inves. People are taking pictures of it and everything-- even though the Beat Riders Hotline shuts down the live camera feed quickly, its not fast enough. And Hase goes after Jo. Kouta and Mai run over to pull him off of her and he runs off and everyones going???????

Hase holes up in a warehouse somewhere and mostly transforms back except for hand and he's terrified, he doesn't know what's going on. Jo finds him first and yells at him HEY WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, DUDE which, while totally understandable, does nothing for Hase's stress levels. He transforms into an Inves and runs out onto the street, where the others, still searching for Hase, stumble onto him. They end up fighting near Charmant and Oren comes out to see what the fuss was all about, he ends up joining the fight. Hase's lashing out in fear and pain but also he's putting civilians at risk, so the Beat Riders are forced to fight him even though they're well-aware that they can't just like, do a murder. Meanwhile, Keiko gets cornered in Helheim by Youko and Takako, and she is captured. Takako leaves halfway into the battle because she gets word that they've tracked down a Beat Rider that became an Inves and she has to take care of it ASAP. Kouta, Mai, and Jo are still fighting Hase (and also Oren, who doesn't really know what's going on and is trying to kill the inves) without actually trying to fight Hase when Takako shows up. She tells them that that Inves is no longer human and tries to put an arrow right through him, with intent to kill. When the smoke clears…

Jo falls to her knees, because she protected Hase. In the shocked silence afterwards, Jo tells Hase to run. She doesn't know whats going on! And maybe Hase can be kind of a jerk sometimes, and really annoying, he's still her friend, and she doesn't want to see him die. Hase regains some degree of control over his transformation and he backs away, runs off. Takako tries to go after him but is blocked by Kouta, who tells them to get Jo out of there and he'll handle the white armored rider. Spoiler alert: he can't handle the white armored rider, but he bought enough time for the rest of them to get out. Kouta is taken in by Yggdrasil.

I think this is a good place to stop for now, so I'll do more later. Okay, see you around!

#gaim thoughts;

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sheepydraws · 7 years

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I'll Kick Your Ass! I'll Kick My Fiancee's Ass! I'll Kick My Own Ass!(5/11)

Last Chapter

Next Chapter

October

Facebook messenger:

Akane: I think I’m getting somewhere with Ryoga.

Ranma: Should you really be messaging me during class? Don’t you think I might be trying to pay attention?

Akane: You’re playing tetris, like you do every class, because you’re just that lame.

Ranma: And you are somehow taking notes and im-ing me, because you are just THAT lame.

Akane: It’s called multitasking. I’m earning a degree, and breaking off my engagement at the same time.

Ranma: So when is this guy gonna challenge me again? ‘Cause it’s getting too cold for this shit.

Akane: He’s coming along. He’s recovered physically, now I think he needs just another little confidence boost and he’ll be ready to go again.

Akane: I have a plan.

Ranma: I have to make a fool of myself, don’t I?

Akane: No. Just make a mess of your next challenge. Almost lose.

Ranma: You can’t see it, but I’m rolling my eyes.

Akane: You’re right. All I can see is the porn on your tumblr dash.

Ranma: I follow a lot of artists. It’s artistic nudity!!!

Akane: It’s tentabulges, Ranma.

Akane: Grow up and get ready to throw some fights

Genma’s phone———— > Ranma’s phone

Soun and I are coming for the

parent day thing to get my car

back.

Cool. I’ll tell everyone

�� you’re my gay uncles.

No, you will not. I was thinking

we could spar. If you win you

get a cheat day.

You’re on.

Kuno’s phone——->Nabiki’s phone

Nabiki Tendo, are you the person

to whom I should submit my

desire to challenge Ranma?

I can tell you’re Kuno

but I have no idea how

you got this number.

Sister. Has a friend who has a

friend.

Where do I submit?

At my feet.

You keep thr box is there?

Are you okay?

I go my head hit. Mmmask broke.

Remembered I had to tallk to YOU.

Where are you?

Health cenydr cengwe cen

Do you have a concussion?

Kuno?

Kodachi’s Journal:

My only brother!

Twisted as you are

I believed you to be impervious from harm

And guarded against deceit.

But it seems you are as many faced as a hindu god

Yet as weak as a mere mortal.

I have no words for what I’ve seen

or rather i am brimming with unsaid words

But you are deaf to them

(Cause you’re asleep. And I have to sit here at your desk and make sure you can wake up and it’s tedious as fuck and I should really get you to do something for me after this, once you explain why the fuck Nabiki Tendo was the one who told me you had hit your head again. I really can’t figure out how to make a poem about that. I mean, what the fuck? Why was she at the health center, her face all pinched and weird? Then she saw me and she was like, okay, this is everything I know about concussions cause my dad runs a dojo and blah blah blah and I had to sit there for like an hour as she explained everything that the nurse would then spend, like, another hour saying. AND I’VE ALREADY DONE THIS ONCE THIS YEAR. Why does it take so long to say, he needs to rest but not too much? UUUUUUUUGGGGHHHH)

My brother is not impervious without his helmet.

Without him I won’t be either.

Nabiki’s phone———->Ranma’s phone

Kuno may have a concussion, but

he wants to duel you.

Again???

I don’t fucking know. Now you’d be

dueling for Akane instead of his

sister’s honor or whatever, right?

I mean, he must have a head

injury if he wants to take me . again.

Dude…Shut up.

What?

I was scared, okay? Only for a

minute, but I was really

freaked out when he was

texting me gibberish.

Goddamnit, Tatewaki Kuno

is MINE. The only person

who gets to kill him is

ME.

Jesus christ, Nabiki. . . And you tell me I should . get therapy.

You should.

Bet we could get a group rate.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Dear Ryoga,

You haven’t written in a while, is everything alright? You’re making friends, right? I mean, you’re not lonely, are you? You aren’t always great at being social. I know. I had to practically drag you out of the library and shove you into that booth at Ronnie’s for our first date. Of course, later, I really loved that unlike a lot of my friends boyfriends, you weren’t a skirt chaser. You never looked at another girl.

I totally botched the Creamfield bake-off. By the time the buzzer went off the only thing that was done was me. Three weeks of perfecting that custard and it didn’t set. The humidity, I suppose. Or maybe it was me. My cooking has gone completely off the rails. I can barely make a proper sponge turn out. It’s like I’ve been cursed.

Of course, this happens from time to time. I just hoe you’re doing better than me.

Best wishes,

Akari.

——I feel like I’m just missing/something whenever you leave/You’ve got all the ingredients/except you needing me

Mousse’s phone——> Shampoo’s phone

Are you really not going to come

home until Thanksgiving break?

Yes.

We’re literally an hour away.

I’ll make the drive.

Look. I have a boyfriend, and he’s going

overseas for winter break, so I have to

make the most of our weekends.

You? A boyfriend? That’s

rich.

So’s he. And British.

Oh, yeah, and I’ll never see him

because he’s always in England?

At least I don’t lie to you.

I’m not lying. I could ask him if he wants

to come over for Thanksgiving break.

Sure. When he respectfully

declines you should consider

coming home this weekend.

Facebook Messenger:

Shampoo: Ryoga, I need you to text this number and say you would love to see us for Thanksgiving break, but you’re going to be in England.

Ryoga: But I won’t be. I have to stay with my mom upstate.

Shampoo: Sure. Say that. Hell, that’s more believable.

Ryoga: Wait, could I stay with you over the break?

Shampoo: No, you have to see your mom, remember? Why wouldn’t you want to see your mom?

Ryoga: We’ve never been close. Not in a bad way, she’s just never around. I don’t really know her.

Shampoo: Didn’t you come here to be closer to her? This is your chance!

Ryoga: Actually, I came here because…I don’t know. I was looking at college applications and Akari wanted us to go together, and I love Akari, but…

Shampoo: But you needed to bond with your mother!

Ryoga: No, I was thinking about how, when I was a kid my parents dragged me from here to kingdom come because of their jobs. Then they split and my dad took me to England. Then one day this girl kind of decided I was her boyfriend, and then she wanted to decide the rest of my life.

Ryoga: I felt like I had never chosen anything for myself. So I made the craziest decision I could. A choice no one would have made for me. That’s why I’m here.

Shampoo: Touching, riveting stuff, Ry-Ry. Really. You should write a book.

Shampoo: TEXT THE NUMBER.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Dear Akari,

Of course there aren’t any other girls [deleted].

Akari, I would never cheat on you. I know you were being a little flippant in your last e-mail, but I’m serious. There are pretty girls here, of course. There are pretty girls from the end of Africa to the tip of Antartica, but I would never touch a single one if I was dating someone else.

I’m sorry to hear about the bake off. Maybe you should make something you never make so that even if it isn’t perfect you won’t be able to tell.

There was a lot of excitement here today. Long story short, one of my friends and her boyfriend [deleted] friend [deleted] and my roommate got thrown in a pond. It was terrifying. Everyone thought they were going to die, or catch pneumonia and then die.

I’ll tell you the whole story when we see each other over winter break. Sorry I won’t be home for the Thanksgiving break they’re giving us (can you imagine?) I want to spend it with my mom. We’ve really been getting on together.

See you soon

Ryoga

Akane’s Diary:

Today was…not a good day.

You’d think a day that ends curled up writing in your diary with someone’s head in your lap would be pretty decent, but so far this is the nicest thing that has happened.

Well, that and the fact that there were crepes at breakfast. You know how in Catcher in the Rye the school always served them steak before the parents showed up, so that if their parents asked what they had eaten for dinner last night they would say steak? Well damnit if it isn’t true. The food was fantastic today: roasted potatoes and cheesecake and chicken tenders and a beef roast. And a crepe bar.

It would have tasted a lot better if I hadn’t been panicking the entire time dad and Nabiki and I were eating lunch. Kuno and Ranma were going to duel at 1:45 (Kuno figured it was when the dining hall would be the most packed so no parents would catch them), and I had to make sure Ryoga showed up and saw Ranma slipping. I wonder if Kuno arranged for the duel to be today because he knew his father would be busy?

Anyway. So I’m sitting there wolfing down my potatoes and half listening to my dad tell me about how things are back home, when Genma Saotome plopped down at our table.

Plopped is not the right word for it. Genma is explosive. He plunks down, tossing his keys onto the table, where they smack into and almost topple my milk glass, then throws one arm over the back of his chair and places the other on the table, taking up as much space as humanly possible before he says, “ ‘Kane, do you know where Ranma is?”

I keep eating. Genma never figured out my deadname, or doesn’t remember it, or maybe just says ‘Kane because he thinks it will get a bigger rise out of me. I don’t know. But I don’t dignify taunts with a response.

Nabiki stabbed a bit of her roast and said, “I can’t imagine why you think Akane would know.”

“My car keys were on his bed-do any of you lock your doors?-but I can’t find him. I’ve been texting him and he knew we were coming, so he must be hiding.” Then Genma laughed that awful laugh of his. Super loud, but grating instead of infectious like a good loud laugh should be. “Scared to take on his old man. Can you imagine?”

“I’m sorry, dad,” I said, standing up and pushing my chair in, “Can you hang out with Nabiki for a bit? I told a friend of mine I would help him study.”

“Didn’t you just finish midterms?” My dad said with a sip of milk, “I thought that was why this was scheduled for today, so you wouldn’t be too worried about class.”

“Yeah, he thinks he really fucked up, so we were going to go over some stuff to calm him down. It shouldn’t take more than an hour.”

My dad shrugged. I call him pretty regularly, so it wasn’t like we had a ton of catching up to do. I think he really came to get Genma’s car back and seeing Nabiki and I was just a bonus. “Alright. I’ll be with Nabiki till dinner, then I’m leaving.”

Nabiki made an interesting face, which may have had something to do with all the contraband in her room, but I couldn’t help her. I had to run down to Ryoga’s room and tell him to watch the duel today.

“Isn’t this a re-run?” Ryoga asked, without looking up from his computer.

“That’s why I want to see it. I’ve heard Kuno intends to win this time.”

“Good for him.”

Obviously Ryoga did not see this as the rematch of the century, so I changed tracks. “Please do this with me, I need some time away from Ranma’s father.”

That got his attention. “Ranma’s father?”

“Yeah. He came down with my dad and is stuck to his side and he’s-“ I made vague hand gestures. I mean, there are words for Genma Saotome, but they are best barked in German, not whined in English.

Ryoga shrugged and stretched and looked around for his jacket. “I guess if you need a break that bad…This won’t take long right?”

“Nope.” I said, although I assumed it would be longer than the last couple of duels. If Ranma was going to fuck around and almost lose it would probably take a while to put on a good show.

Then again, I feel like Ranma has been dealing with these fights faster and faster the colder it gets. He does not like shivering.

We get to the expected spot by the lake and Ranma and Kuno are there, and they’ve decided to wait until two to start, since a lot of people apparently wanted to come to this one. I don’t know how Nabiki gets the word out about these things, but she sure does a good job of it.

Ranma kept checking the clock on his phone, then regretting it and stuffing his fingers back into his pockets.

Ryoga asked me if I was cold like five times, but I was staying warm making faces at Ranma, trying to convey how badly I wanted them to JUST START ALREADY. Ranma says I looked like I was trying not to sneeze.

Finally it was either two or Ranma was really sick of waiting, because he asked for someone to count down from three.

“Should only one of you have a sword?” I said before anyone could start counting.

Ranma gave me a cocky grin. “I can handle him, and his wood. Count us in, darlin’.”

Considering what happened later I feel pretty stupid for blushing at that.

As soon as I said ‘three’, Kuno lunged. He is not a subtle fighter. He refused to go on the defensive. To be fair, his sword did give him a much bigger reach, but it also gave Ranma some time to play up how weak he had gotten. He was slow and wobbly, barely dodging Kuno’s swings, and when he jumped out of the way he couldn’t stick his landings. He didn’t even try to attack, as though Kuno was too fast for him.

“Is he hungover again?” Ryoga whispered to me.

“I don’t think he’s been training.” I whispered back. It was hard to keep a straight face as I said that. I would bet my sister-hell, both of them-on Ranma running, stretching, and lifting weights everyday. Ranma doesn’t do cheat days, and he does not skip leg day.

But he was putting on a good performance, staying just ahead of Kuno, but close enough that even I thought he might lose.

Which meant Kuno thought that too, so he got even more reckless, and in one ill-timed swing and a well timed kick, he was down for the count.

“Goddamnit,” He said as he got up off the ground, “I came here to defend Miss Tendo’s honor. I think of her—“

“Is that the best you can do?”

I froze. Not that I wanted to hear Kuno talk about my porcelain flower or whatever weird metaphor he was about to get into, but I’d take him over Genma Saotome any day.

“Run home to mommy, you fucking pansy.” Genma said to Kuno as he took Kuno’s place in the center of the unofficial ring.

Kuno looked shocked. I don’t think anyone has ever taken that tone with him. Sneering and cruel. Even Nabiki can’t talk like that, like her words are made of splinters.

Kuno drew himself up to his full height. “I take unction at your tone-“ He looked Genma up and down, and made his distain clear before he graciously added, “-sir.”

“And I take unction at you still being in my ring.” Genma went to shove Kuno and Kuno dodged, just as Genma knew he would. Kuno took a sharp kick to the stomach, and though he walked out of the ring with his head held high, he had a look on his face that said he would much rather have doubled over.

“You see?” Genma said, turning to Ranma. “That’s how you deal with a guy like that. None of this wobbling all over the place. Who trained you, kid? ‘Cause it sure as hell wasn’t me.”

“Who the hell are you?!” Ryoga yelled, pretty freaked out.

Genma glared at him. “Genma Saotome. I thought I was Ranma’s teacher, but he clearly hasn’t learned jack shit.” He looked from me to Ryoga and smirked, “This the friend you were helping, Akane?”

“How did you even get here?”

He shrugged. “Heard some kids talking about a duel. I figured Ranma would be around.” He turned to address the crowd at large. “Shows over, by the way. Ranma and I have some family business to settle, so I suggest you all move along.”

I don’t think anyone wanted to be around Genma a minute longer than they had to. I actually had to grab Ryoga’s coat to keep him still. I wasn’t going anywhere. I could see Ranma over Genma’s shoulder, stock still, head down, centering himself. He was preparing for a serious fight. I wasn’t about to leave him alone in it.

Genma saw we weren’t leaving and decided to ignore us. “Might as well have you count us in,” He grunted at me. He took off his coat and tossed it to the side. The man is getting into his fifties, but he is still packed with muscle you can see right through his shirt.

I counted them in, but after I finished they just circled each other. They went around and around, waiting for the first move.

I don’t want to write what happened after that. I’m a little queasy just remembering it. I had thought for a minute that it would be like when my dad and I sparred. Fun and fast, me showboating a little and desperately looking for the upper hand as my father carefully blocked me and sent quick hits my way. My dad’s always gone easy on me—no, my dad always protected me. He could have thrashed me soundly, but he didn’t, because what kind of a sick fuck would do that to their own kid?

Not that Ranma wasn’t giving as good as he got, mind you. He’s been training with his dad his whole life. Still, every time his dad landed a hit I would gasp and grab Ryoga’s sleeve. Genma may have taught Ranma how to dodge, but he’s not as good at taking a punch, and Genma played to that.

I don’t know why my stomach clenched every time Ranma got hit. Maybe it was because it was his dad, and there is something about watching someone’s parents beat them up that makes me viscerally ill. Maybe it’s because I used to be scared of my dad. Not that he had ever threatened me, but, well, Genma’s the worst, but judging by the people dad used to hang out with, he wasn’t always the nicest person, either. There was no telling what he was going to do when I came out.

He cried. It was the last thing I was expecting. Questions, I think. Shock and a long string of questions.

Instead he burst into tears and kept talking about my mom. He didn’t make a lot of sense, and I wasn’t sure what to do, so I poured a bowl of potato chips and cracked open a beer for him. Kasumi usually cooks when people are sad, but that’s about the extent of my culinary skills.

Anyway, at some point my dad calmed down a little and said, “I’m sorry, Akane. When you have kids all you want for them is the best life possible. Then their mothers pass away, and they tell you things like that, and you know their lives are going to be that much harder.”

So I said, “You know, by you being okay with this you’re making my life a lot easier already, right?” and we shared a smile, and for a minute there I felt really good, like everything was going to work out.

I don’t know what Genma said when Ranma came out to him, but for some reason while they fought I started trying to imagine it. Every scenario I came up with made me madder and madder. Chest shaking, vision blurring mad. Rage. I wanted to plough my fists into his chest. I wanted to crack his skull like a cinder block.

That was when Ranma bounced off a tree and flew towards his father. It would have doubled his power if he’d actually hit his dad, but a move like that gave Genma plenty of time to react.

Genma threw Ranma into the lake.

I screamed.

Both Ryoga and Genma jumped.

I think I was screaming words?

Genma blocked as I ran past him.

You ever jumped into a half-frozen pond? Rage can’t keep you warm in there. I swear my heart stopped for a minute. By that point Ryoga was screaming too. Although he was screaming my name and telling me to stop and that he would call security or whatever.

I can’t swim, but I can tread water a little, and that’s all you really need to drag a guy out of a shallow lake.

For a minute Ranma lay on the shore and I kneeled there, shaking and gasping, and thinking, At least if I throw up it’ll be warm.

“We have to get you in a hot shower,” Ryoga said as he tried to pull me to my feet.

“Blankets,” I gasped. My chest was doing that awful thing where you shiver right down to your spine, causing your ribs to vibrate against each other. “A hot shower could put us into shock.”

“Is that what’s happening to Ranma?”

Ranma didn’t look good, but aside from his lips being blue, he didn’t look bad, either. Just dazed. He waved a hand limply and opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but his teeth just chattered so loudly it seemed theatrical. A skull shouldn’t make that noise unless someone is clacking it’s jaw together and reciting shakespeare.

Ryoga helped him up and the three of us staggered to the closest dorm, which was Ryoga and Ranma’s.

Once we were in their room I told Ryoga to go get the pile of blankets on top of my dresser, and tell Nabiki and dad what had happened.

By the time he left the room Ranma had his shirt off and was fumbling with the edge of his binder. Between his numb fingers and the water plastering it to his skin I was the one who had to wrestle it off of him. While Ranma rummaged around for another clean shirt I stripped off my tights, and discarded them next to his binder.

“Do you have a shirt I could wear?” I whispered. The last thing you would expect ice water to affect is your voice, but it closes off your throat like a fist.

Ranma didn’t say anything. He went over to his closet and dragged a big flannel robe off the top shelf.

For a few minutes it felt like a locker room after pe in highschool, both of us carefully moving around each other and pointedly not looking at anything in particular. Except instead of heading off to biology we had to sit there on Ranma’s bed, waiting for Ryoga to come back with all my stuff.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Ranma said as he wrung his hair out in a scratchy white towel.

“I thought your heart might have stopped or something.”

“It wasn’t that cold.”

“I guess.”

I toyed with a loose thread on the robe. I was also wrapped in the comforter off Ryoga’s bed, but underneath my skin still felt cold and clammy where it overlapped.

“Where’d you pick up that blanket thing?” Ranma asked, passing me the towel. “I thought for hypothermia you were supposed to get naked and share body heat.”

I snorted. “Sure, Ranma, but I don’t have a pile of pretty naked people on my dresser.”

“You could if you wanted to.” Ranma said with a wink. I would have laughed if the wink hadn’t made him wince.

“Did he have to hit your face?” I said, softly, as though that would make it less awful.

Ranma touched the spot where he would soon have a shiner. “Well, yeah. I left it open.”

I wanted to scream for a second. Tell him that was the worst thing I had ever heard, but what could he have said? Like it was his fault his father was disgusting.

“Stand up.” Ranma said, and I got off the bed. He gently took Ryoga’s comforter from me and spread it over his bed. Then he climbed back into the bed and scooted over so there was room for me to join him.

I stood there for a minute, weighing the desire to be warm against my desire for things to not be even more awkward, when Ryoga returned with the blankets, my clothes, and my family. He also had this book. I had forgotten I shoved it between the folds of the blankets till it fell out as he unfolded one.

Nabiki immediately ran over and cradled my face in her hands, demanding to know what had happened. I told her while dad checked Ranma and started layering him with blankets. By the time he was done all that stuck out was Ranma’s hair. With all those blankets on top of him, and his hair half red and half black with his roots coming in, my bed looked like we were putting on a production of the Princess and the Chile Pepper.

Then dad made me get in the bed and worried over us for a little longer, asking if we needed anything, if we were getting warmer, until he had to go get dinner and go home. He kissed us both on the forehead like we were sick kids. Which I guess we were.

Nabiki promised that she would make sure we were okay, and saw him out. On the way they bumbped into Kodachi Kuno of all people, who showed up with two plates full of food from the dining hall. She was all blushey and stuttery, and it was kind of adorable.

Maybe Ranma will go out with her someday. It might be cute.

Don’t tell Ranma, but he’s kind of cute when he sleeps. He doesn’t look like he’s about to start a fight. Slack-jawed and innocent, like everyone else.

Right now I’m sitting up in bed with Ranma’s head on my thigh, and Ryoga typing something at his desk. It’s not just warm, it’s downright cozy in here. I’m probably going to fall asleep like this, because I am far too comfortable to move.

Although lying down would mean moving Ranma’s head.

I’d have to touch it.

I bet his hair is really soft.

No, wait, it got bleached to put the red in.

(It’s really soft).

Ryoga’s phone——->Mousse’s phone

Hey, it’s Ryoga. I’m coming

over with Shampoo for

Thanksgiving. How is that

going to work? Are you

going to pick us up? what

time? Where?

Who is this? How do you

know Shampoo?

Well, we met cause I’m

friends with her room

mate.

Are you the boyfriend she

was talking about?

Sure. Why not.

Shampoo’s grandmother will

be horrified. Let me ask her

what she thinks.

Mousse’s phone——-> Grandmother’s phone

Grandmother, Shampoo

wants to bring a boy

home for Thanksgiving

break!!!

How nice. I’d love to see what kind

of boy could capture her heart.

Wild as a horse, fickle as a cat.

Let’s see the man who’d propose

to tame her.

Grandmother, it’s disgust-

ing!!! They may be having

sex! They might have it

under your roof!!!

Easy on the exclamation points, son.

I wouldn’t mind some great

grandchildren!

Now stop texting and get back here.

This lemon chicken won’t deliver itself!

Mousse’s phone——->Ryoga’s phone.

Lot outside the girls dorm,

Friday, four pm. Don’t be

late. I will leave without

you.

A small white spiral bound notebook with ‘Ranma Saotome’ written along the top edge of the cover in block letters with a black sharpie.

I always thought diaries were just plot devices, but Akane actually keeps one and she’s a lot better adjusted than me, so I thought I’d try it for a while.

I’ve never slept with a girl before. Ukyo and I had sex, but that was always in the middle of the afternoon, or in a parked car, or whatever. We never slept with each other.

I guess what I’m really thinking about is that I woke up with a girl. It was weird. I didn’t see Akane the second I woke up. I was staring at the ceiling, one leg and like twenty blankets hanging over the edge of the bed. I was trying to remember the dream I’d been having or some other dumb shit like that, and then I turned over and was nose to nose with Akane.

She looked different with her hair all messed up and pillow creases on her face. She’s usually perfect. Hair tucked back, just a teeny bit of make up, pressed dress. She looked kind of funny drooling on my pillow.

Then she woke up and I freaked out. I mean, all I did was freeze up, but I was sure she was about to scream at me or something.

She smiled. This big, goony smile, like she’d just buried her face in a dog’s belly or had a sip of sweet, creamy, hot chocolate.

“Hey.” She whispered.

“Hey.”

She has huge eyes. Huge and dark with super long lashes.

“You feel okay?” she asked.

“Yeah. You?”

She stretched her arms over the head, pressing her palms against the wall. Then she went back to smiling. “I feel way too relaxed. I have like two essays due this week.”

“Me too.”

“Yeah. We’re taking the same classes.”

I think I blushed. My face definitely got warmer. I’m a fucking idiot.

“Ranma,” Akane said, and the way she was looking at me was soft and intense at once. Cow eyes? I don’t know. Like a soap opera. I thought she was going to tell me she was pregnant, or maybe start crying.

She touched my face. The crest of bone just under my eye. I’m not sure what the word is for something like that. Intimate, maybe. It felt like the most intimate I had ever been with someone.

Then she broke it. Whatever that moment was. She sat up and stretched again, and said, “I should really get to the library and start on that Ottoman essay. I hate research essays. I can never get good sources.” She climbed over me and started gathering up all her stuff. Including a little black book.

“Is that your diary?” I asked, because for some reason I needed to keep talking.

She frowned and shoved it under her coat. “It’s nothing. Make sure Ryoga doesn’t forget my quilts when he comes over.”

Then she left. I’m sure it was a diary, so I figured I would try writing stuff down too and dug out this notebook.

I think this top blanket here is homemade. I think most of these are. They look knit or crochet or something. I wonder if Kasumi made them.

Well. I wrote everything down and I still feel as crazy as ever. I’m gonna go for a run. That always does the trick.

Facebook Messenger:

Shampoo: I JUST GOT MY COSTUME!!!!

Ukyo: Cool. I’m in class.

Shampoo: I LOOK SO GOOD!!! THERE’S THIS HUGE PARTY AT SOMEONE’S HOUSE OFF CAMPUS. YOU, ME, BANGING COSTUMES, DRINKS, DANCING, BOYS? GIRLS? INSANITY!!!

Ukyo: I did bring my costume from last year…

Shampoo: YEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!

Shampoo: Should I invite Ryoga?

Ukyo: I think he’d like that

Ukyo: But he has to wear a costume. Tell him it’s mandatory!

Facebook messenger, Royga:

Shampoo: PARTY!!! YOU ME UKYO DRINKS DANCING MAKING OUT!!!

Ryoga: When?!!

Shampoo: HALLOWEEN! YOU NEED A COSTUME!

Ryoga: Shit. Where would I get a costume?

Shampoo: Oh, baby, do I have you covered.

Ryoga: Can I bring Akane?

Ryoga: Wait, can I do the masked man thing?

Shampoo: You’ll have a mask alright.

Ryoga: No, I mean, the thing where we meet at a party and she doesn’t recognize me and I talk to her and she falls in love with me, and the next day I reveal myself!

Ryoga: This is brilliant! Shampoo, thank you so much!!!

Shampoo: wut.

Shampoo: Nm, you are going to look so hot in this costume you probably will score with Akane.

Kodachi’s Journal

All Hallows Eve

The most wretched of days

When man’s sins run amuck

Lust in the corner with the slutty nurses,

Gluttony lurking by the candy bowl,

Sloth hidden in the cheap hoodies and ski masks

Pride catching on the sequins and cardboard

Of those most fanciful designs

Envy trailing just behind them

Greed stretched across the faces of those

Who would make a quick buck

On shoddy material and cheap sugar

And wrath

Anywhere you don’t expect

Waiting to spring out at you

On the only night of the year when a murder in a ally

Might be performance art

I’m staying in my room,

Windows barred

Poker drawn

Netflix blazing.

Ranma’s Diary

I’m so glad I threw together a costume this year.

There was this really big party, which Kuno of all people clued me in on, cause he was eating breakfast with his sister, and they were talking about how neither of them wanted to go to this big party (although once I got there…well, that’s none of my business), so I asked around and kicked my costume making into high gear.

I had a cape. It was rad.

I don’t regret the costume, but I’m not sure how I feel about how I acted. Bad. But what kind of bad?

Okay, lemme unpack this.

I go to the party. It’s intense. Huge house, filled to the brim with loud, angry, horny, sweaty college students, most of them wearing masks. You walk inside and you get a contact high. I danced for a while, found some people I see at the gym a lot, and that really cool guy who is probably keeping me from failing math, but then I thought, ‘I need a real buzz’, and even I wouldn’t blame myself for having a few sips at a party like this.

Cause I wasn’t Ranma Saotome who has to watch his weight and stay hydrated.

Nah. I was BATMAN.

So I get a beer, and as I’m opening it I bump into someone, and it’s Zelda. And who hasn’t wanted to hit on Zelda? So she says, “Can you grab me one?” and I pass her the already open beer and say, “As you wish my liege,” except I said it in a batman voice.

And do you know what she fucking says?

She laughs and says, “I love that voice.”

“Oh really?” Which is lame, but I said it in the voice, so it was all good.

“Yeah,” And she looks at her beer, and then takes a swig, and I can tell she’s a little embarrassed but she says this anyway, she says, “Batman is really sexy. Not like I want to marry him and deal with his issues, but, I get why Catwoman is always throwing him up against walls.”

Which meant she was calling me sexy.

So I say, “Don’t you think Link might get a little suspicious when the heir to the throne has black hair?”

And I thought she would say something about at least pointy ears running in the family, but instead she got a little closer and said, “I think Link’s busy banging that Zora girl.”

And I said, “Good, because his princess is going to be in another bedroom.”

Which is when she shoved me a little, you know, playfully, and said, “Slow down. Let her majesty finish her beer first.”

When she shoved me I could feel how strong she was. Like, it was probably a challenge for her to not knock me into the drink table. Fuck that was hot.

So we go into the kitchen and talk, me still totally doing my batman voice because I am not about to drop a good thing when I have it. She was pretty cool. We didn’t talk about much, just school, and video games, and comics, which was all in between me flirting with her as hard as I could.

Then she finished her beer, and she put it down very slowly and she said, “There is a trampoline out back, but no one is out there because they think it’s too cold.

Like many college boys, I would gladly freeze my nads off to kiss Zelda.

So we go outside, and there was some light from the stars and the kitchen windows, but where the trampoline is it was pretty dark. We bounced onto it, and kind of rolled around a little before we got into a good kissing position, with her on top and my mask shoved up to the top of my head, and we got a lot of short, stuttery, laughing kisses, and it was great

For like five seconds, before I smelled it.

I mean, there was the weird rubber plastic smell of the trampoline, and me, and my sweat, and the rubber of my mask, and the cheap fabric smell of at least one of our costumes, but then her hair slipped out from under her wig, releasing the scent of her perfume and shampoo. Something in my brain short circuited and I was back on Akane’s bed with ten quilts on top of me, instead of on a trampoline with Akane on top of me.

I keep thinking I should have known somehow. Even with the wig and the make up and yelling over the music, some part of me should have known I was talking to Akane before I was tongue deep in her.

So then I panicked and shoved her off of me, and for a second she was lying there on the trampoline, and I was sitting up panting, because what the fuck had I done?, and she said, “Are you alright?” and it was so exactly her voice, it was so so obviously her, because who else could sound that worried about some rando she was making out with on a trampoline?

I ran. Tore through the garden, jumped a fence, and I was gone.

I can’t tell her. Maybe she doesn’t hate me as much as she used to, but this would just bring all those shitty memories roaring back, right? She would be pissed and betrayed, and no matter what I said about me having no idea until that second, she would never believe me.

Okay, so that’s decided. I just won’t tell her about it and it’ll be like it never happened.

Ranma, that is a great plan.

Latest post from fuckboisgetmoney.tumblr.com

A picture of Nabiki’s legs in sheer black pantyhose and sky high red heels. The picture ends just as the curve of her thigh becomes her ass, and there are some huge pink feathers curling over the top of her thigh.

#her name was lola…. #I still love this costume

Last five posts from okinomiyakimeansiloveyou.tumblr.com

5. A selfie of Ukyo in an Ichigo costume, with five more pictures of her huge replicas of Ichigo’s two swords. #shit you can’t get away with in highschool!

4. A neon colored deluge of artfully arranged candy wrappers

3. A photo of Shampoo looking adorable as Sailor moon in her “by the power of the moon” pose. Then another of her leaning against her bed, boots sprawled out in front of her, looking far more relaxed than Usigai ever did.

2. A picture of Shampoo putting her hair up in sailor moon buns. Her hair has already been parted and now she has gathered half of it in her hand, strands spilling out between her fingers. Only half her makeup is on. Red lipstick, but naked lids. You can just see the bright orange cover of Ukyo’s phone reflected in the mirror she’s using.

1. Read more

———————————————————————————————-

I think that was the most….eventful Halloween I’ve ever had.

It was a really cool party, and some guy asked me if I knew knife tricks, and fuck if I’m bringing TWO swords to a party and not knowing any tricks. I was having a really good time, and drinking mildly spiked soda, so I had a little buzz, I had a little sugar rush—and that was when I saw him.

Tuxedo Mask.

He was leaned up against the kitchen doorway, and he could not have looked more perfect if he tried. I went right up to him, stuck a sword in his face and said, “You have to meet my friend.”

Even Tuxedo Mask doesn’t argue when Ichigo Kurosaki has him at knifepoint. I mean, Ichigo is totally winning that fight.

I must have dragged that guy over the whole house, but we could not find Shampoo. He was getting more and more impatient, but I kept insisting that he had to meet my friend.

Then we were in the backyard. Just us and some dark shapes, and the flickering lights from the kitchen.

“Was this a joke?” Tuxedo Mask asked me.

I think a lot of things happened at once. Running all over the house caused my sugar high to crash, and I think I’m a weepy drunk, and I felt so stupid. I saw this guy and suddenly I’m writing a romance novel in my head. Like he and Shampoo were going to see each other, their eyes would meet, and they would fall madly in love. It just seemed so perfect.

I’m such an idiot. I had thought that for some reason Halloween could make love real, but something like love isn’t going to start existing because of matching costumes.

I started crying, and I think that freaked Tuxedo Mask out a bit.

“I’m sorry!” I blubbered. “I swear my friend was here dressed as Sailor Moon!” and then I think I said that stuff I just wrote about love and halloween.

Instead of running for the hills, which I would have understood at that point, Tuxedo Mask said, “How can you not believe in love?” Which was properly Tuxedo Mask-y, but not what I wanted to hear.

“Love isn’t something worth believing in.” I snapped.

“But it’s apparently worth grabbing strangers at parties. I don’t know how long you’ve known this girl, but already you seem to love her very much.”

That made me stop crying for a minute. I squinted at him, trying to see past his mask and the shadows of the backyard. I hadn’t noticed before, but he wasn’t wearing a domino, like the real tuxedo mask. His mask covered almost everything but his mouth.

He gave me the hanky from his pocket, and patted my head, like he wasn’t sure how to comfort humans. That thought made me laugh, and then his hand slipped a little and cradled the back of my skull. The atmosphere between us shifted. It wasn’t romantic or sexual. It was that feeling when someone touches you at a spot where your skin is stretched thin over your bones and your body asks you if you should smash their skull in before they get yours, or if you can relax.

I relaxed.

It was so comforting I almost forgot all that stuff about love and destiny. Right then it just felt good to have a cool breeze on my tear tracks and a kind person touching me.

Tuxedo Mask smiled, and swept towards the kitchen door, saying, “I see my job here is done.”

It took me a minute to get it, but I yelled before he went back inside, “You didn’t do anything!”

I hadn’t stopped laughing when Shampoo found me.

To: TKuno

From: NabikiTendo

Thought you might like to look at these before I send them to the dean. Do you think I should edit them a little or just send them as is?

Attachment: Two photos. One of Kuno, who is clearly himself, even in a loose kimono and face paint that makes him look like an opera mask. He’s in a poorly lit dining room, standing in front of a beer pong game, although it’s not clear if he’s playing or not.

The next one has Nabiki sitting on his lap in a showgirl outfit that is mostly feathers and a leotard. His paint is a little smeared, and he looks like he would fall over if the chair he was sitting on didn’t have a back. He doesn’t have an arm around Nabiki’s back, as courtesy would demand since she is sitting sideways, because he is holding both her drink and his own. Quite enough evidence for the kendo team to cut him for failing to adhere to the guidelines of the club.

From: TKuno

To: NabikiTendo

What do I have to pay you?

From: NabikiTendo

To: TKuno

You don’t. I will release these photos whenever I see fit.

You’re paying back my sister in fear and stress and wondering when your life will be ruined.

From: TKuno

To: NabikiTendo

What did I ever do to your sister? Didn’t I fight for her honor recently.

From: NabikiTendo

To: TKuno

If you hadn’t gone prying into my sister’s life she never would have been forced out of the closet.

Stew on that while you wonder if I’ve already sent the photos to your father.

P.S. I can’t believe you thought I didn’t recognize you. You deserve it all for falling for that ‘do you work out?’ line.

MY DIARY:

Dear Diary,

Today I did something I am deeply ashamed of.

I went to Nabiki Tendo on my hands and knees and begged.

I have never felt less dignified in my life than I did, my nose not one inch from the worn linoleum of her floor, breathing the scent of fear and regret (which was remarkably similar to fruity perfume and sweaty feet).

“Kuno, babe,” She said, drawing the word out like she was a gangster from an old movie, “There is nothing you could give me that I want more than this.”

“Please, Nabiki Tendo,” I said, trying to meet her eyes, only to see her silhouette against the fluorescent light, “Do not take kendo from me. It has given me everything.”

She shrugged, “You did this to yourself.”

Which is shamefully true. I did go to a party and partake in alcoholic beverages underage, of my own volition.

And, what Nabiki Tendo doesn’t know, is that this is was a ritual of mine. It is the one night of the year I do foolish things. I drink, and I speak in a throughly ungentlemanly way to young women, although I try to refrain from being a lout, and I get to pretend I am one of the great samurais from my dramas.

For the last three years it has been the perfect way to relax and resist doing something even more foolish.

I got cocky. That is all I can say. I saw Nabiki Tendo, and I panicked, of course, but when she did not seem to recognize me I fell right into her trap. I thought it would be my little secret. Whenever Nabiki Tendo berated me I could think, ‘Ah, but little do you know that you once sat in my lap and pressed your cleavage into my chin with a gusto I have never known before’. The cleavage part is still true, but I am too concerned about losing my scholarship, status, friends, and the codes I live for to enjoy it.

“There must be something I can offer you.” I tried, once more, “I would run around campus naked, I would destroy your enemies, I would give my father a dressing down in front of the entire school. Please do not do this to me.”

Nabiki Tendo was sitting in the swivel chair at her desk as I knelt before her, and she swiveled to the side so she could place her ankle on my shoulder. Her toes are absurdly long and painted devil red. The woman is related to demons, mark my words.

“All I want is to see you doing this for a little while. Then, whenever I get bored, I’ll send the pictures in. I mean, you can come in here every night and do this whole spiel, and whenever I get tired of it you can do it for your dad.”

At that I rose swiftly and dramatically, an action whose drama was somewhat lessened by the fact that it threw Nabiki Tendo backwards and she smacked her head against the wall and I had to make sure she was alright before I could continue. (Take it from a man who has sustained many, head injuries are no joke).

“I see you leave me no choice, Nabiki Tendo, since you will not accept my offer of a fair trade, I will have to create an unfair one.”

“The fuck does that mean?” She said as I turned on my heel to leave, sounding utterly uninterested in my threat.

“It means,” I replied over my shoulder, “That I shall have to find something horrible about you and create mutually assured destruction.”

Nabiki Tendo snorted and turned back to her computer. Her parting words to me were, “Using cold war terms won’t make you any scarier, buddy.”

Now I must do something even more shameful than groveling at Nabiki Tendo’s feet: I must find out something about her that is so awful she will give me those photos back in the hopes that my knowledge will never being released to the public. This is not the sort of errand I ever wished to dirty my hands with, but now it is the only thing to be done.

Facebook Messenger:

Shampoo: You never told me how Halloween went. Did you get to seduce Akane Masked Man Style?

Ryoga: No. I never told you because it didn’t work out like I’d hoped. I did see Akane, but she seemed distracted, and since I couldn’t tell her who I was she got bored with me and left.

Shampoo: :( Boo. I was really rooting for you guys. Guess there’s nothing left to do but ASK HER OUT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.

Ryoga: You do not get to yell at me—you encouraged me! Also, YOU ARE CONSIDERING PROPOSITIONING YOUR ROOMMATE, SOMETHING WHICH NEVER ENDS WELL!!!

Shampoo: I am not! I mean, I would ask her on a date LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, but she doesn’t do dating anymore. After one bad breakup! I broke up with a guy I was young and stupid enough to think I was in love with, and yeah, he’s still hanging around, and yeah, I’m going to have to spend most of Thanksgiving break with him, but, like, I moved on.

Ryoga: How bad was it?

Shampoo: It wasn’t bad. Just stupid. It was really stupid. We were dating, like, our whole lives. I don’t know why. It was one of those marriage proposals on the playground things, and I never started to dislike Mousse or feel like we were growing apart, or like being without him would be better than being with him, but we were in our senior year and he basically said, “When do you think we’ll get married?” and I realized that all I ever wanted Mousse to be was some guy I dated in high school.

Shampoo: So I dumped him.

Ryoga: Okay, so, basically, it was nothing like what happened to Ukyo, yet you’re comparing it to what happened to Ukyo.

Shampoo: Okay, it wasn’t the same thing, but it wasn’t a clean break, either. You’ve had a rough breakup before, right?

Ryoga: No, but I’m probably due.

Shampoo: Well, trust me, a bad breakup does not suddenly make you aromantic or asexual. It may make you wish you were, but it doesn’t, and Ukyo needs to understand that she isn’t automatically going to get hurt because she puts herself out there again.

Ryoga: Would you care this much if you weren’t interested in her?

Shampoo: She is a wonderful person, and she is doing the world a disservice by acting like she murdered love and must forever repent for her sin.

Ryoga: She would not like that analogy.

Shampoo: Tell me you haven’t noticed how pretty she is. Or how nice or sweet or funny.

Ryoga: She is very sweet. She has a nice neck when she puts her hair up.

Shampoo: Very random compliment, but I’m glad you understand.

Ryoga: Careful, you don’t want me turning into your competition.

Shampoo: Don’t get greedy pretty boy, I know you’re already trying to juggle two girls at once.

Ryoga: 1. HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT??!! 2. Do you really think I’m pretty?

Shampoo: Dude, we’re friends on facebook. I got a ‘you have a mutual friend’ notification, and you may have scrubbed your profile, but your girlfriend sure didn’t.

Shampoo: Also, obviously you’re pretty. Although I should probably be calling you dirty boy, or pig boy or something, since you think you can have all the girls.

Ryoga: Oh, god, please don’t tell Akari. I’ve been meaning to, the time just hasn’t been right.

Shampoo: Not that I actually want to be involved, but what you should really be worried about is me telling Akane.

Akane’s Diary

Do not watch the dark knight trilogy because you’re desperate, do not watch the dark knight trilogy because you’re desperate do not watch the dark knight trilogy bec

To be fair, I’m mostly bored. Everyone is exhausted, because if they’re not worrying about finals they’re still burnt out after Halloween. Meanwhile I’ve got all my homework done, and it’s just not worth it to freak out about finals before Thanksgiving break. Refusing to worry about finals until it’s over is what Thanksgiving break is for.

Still, I shouldn’t go looking at everything batman related like that’s going to bring this guy back, or explain what the fuck happened.

He was nice. Like, he recognized the absurdity of making out on a trampoline, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t trying really, really hard. That was sweet, that earnestness.

I don’t know. I spent like an hour with him. It’s stupid, building him up as this perfect guy, but I can’t help it. I know he was fun to talk to, and even with my Zelda armor digging into my shoulders I felt comfortable with him, but because I know nothing about him I can fill in the gaps with whatever I want. I can pretend he’s an only child, and he won’t freak out when I tell him I’m trans, and he likes the idea of being married and having kids, but probably only two, because he understands I think it’s good for a kid to have a sibling, but two is plenty, and….

See? Too easy.

Maybe he’s in a relationship and a wave of guilt hit him.

Or maybe he remembered he had to feed his cat.

Or maybe he had an anxiety attack.

Or maybe I’m going to watch the dark knight trilogy because between that and thinking about this guy all night I should probably chose the option that’s easier on my sanity.

From TKuno

To: Dean

Sir, as one of your students I would like to bring to your attention that another student, Nabiki Tendo, has been selling contraband out of her dorm room and has probably made thousands selling alcohol and other drugs to minors.

Sincerely,

Tatewaki Kuno.

From Dean

To TKuno

Kuno, why did you put this in a email? Is this a prank? Nabiki Tendo has been accused of this several times before, but her room has never turned up any contraband materials, nor has anyone every given us any proof that she sells contraband.

You wouldn’t be trying to harm another student for some petty reason, would you?

From Tkuno

To Dean

I’m sorry, that was foolish of me. I know that Nabiki Tendo is not the sort of person who would be caught doing things like that. I was being thoughtless. I will consider my words more carefully next time.

From TKuno

To Ghostunkugi

Is it true that you can compile an account of another person’s life for a fair price?

From Ghostunkugi

To TKuno

All social media accounts, anything on public record related to them in anyway, and any thing else that seems interesting. 150

Shadowing, 100 for a day, 650 for a week

Photos +50 dollars every day. 150 for a full week.

Confidentiality assured, unless you murder someone and I have to talk to the cops again.

From TKuno

To Ghostunkugi

Just the first option for now. I will throw in a bonus if you can find any potentially life ruining information.

From Ghostunkugi

To Tkuno

One of those jobs. I get it. [Paypal information] Please pay in a prompt manner. Due to school I probably won’t have a complete file until after Thanksgiving Break.

Kodachi’s Journal

I fear that that which I once loved

That flower that bloomed so boldly

Is wilting in my hands.

Now that our yearly cycle has spun us into

Those brief six weeks

When we all pretend to care about

Peace, love, and good will toward men

(even our families)

It makes me realize that the spring of our love

Gave way not to a passionate summer

But to the bleakness of a winter without you