#as extra

[kayime]

parents child coordination _ miri n papa rei's matching outfits, earthy tone for autumn 🍁🍂 ignore kazuki papa jalousie

[hchollym]

Viren x Aaravos in Season 5

I wrote about Viravos in Season 4 in this post, and now that I've finished watching Season 5, I have so many feelings!

*Under the cut due to spoilers.

Poor Claudia was literally out there fighting for her life to get Aaravos' prison so she could set him free, and Aaravos was just ignoring her so he could talk to Viren. 🤣

Aaravos told Claudia that she had to free him in order to save Viren, but as soon as they got close to the prison, Aaravos was going to complete the spell even before he was released. He wasn't even waiting to see if Claudia held up her end of the deal; he's just like. "Oh look, my husband is finally here after 2 years. Time to make sure he stays alive." 🥰

He didn't even need to save Viren. Claudia was going to release him anyway, and then he could have just pretended that it was too late (especially since it was the 30th day), but instead, his entire focus was on Viren.

I love that as soon as Viren saw Aaravos, he was just like "No" & Aaravos didn't even register the rejection at first; he was just happy, asking, "Where are you going? This is a special day." Like he clearly expected Viren to celebrate with him.

Then, when Viren kept walking away, Aaravos' expression quickly changed to confusion & then anger as he commanded Viren to stop, like "Don't walk away from me!"

Aaravos got over it quickly though, looking happy again when he reached out & said, "You're so close now. We're finally on the cusp of each other's realities." He didn't say, "I'm almost free." He specially talked about both of their locations. He was basically saying, "We can finally be together now," & then he took Viren's arm so he could bring him back to his prison with him.

When Viren said that he would never sacrifice his child, Aaravos replied, "Relax. I wouldn't expect you to harm Claudia or Soren. You will sacrifice your other child." Despite all the crap that Viren has done to Soren over the years, Aaravos still knows him well enough to know that he wouldn't sacrifice one of his children, and he purposely found another way to make this process easier for Viren. 🥺

The "Our child" statement! The look of shock on Viren's face as Aaravos drops the bombshell that he literally created a child for them without Viren's knowledge or consent. He was like, "I wanted a baby with you, so I got one." 😱 Poor Viren.

Then Aaravos was showing images of the "baby" and saying, "Our baby was so cute. And he's grown into quite the strapping young homunculus. Are you telling me you can't see the resemblance? He has my lovely eyes. I'm afraid his voice must be from your side of the family." He was literally like, "This baby is a mixture of us. We made him, and he's perfect" as Viren is just horrified.

"Now he's here for you. And I will show you how to use every drop of his living essence to restore your own life and your future." Aaravos is really out here willing to sacrifice his own child to save his husband. Harsh! 😭

Then he continues with the statement, "The resurrection spell will expire tonight, and you will die. You must make the sacrifice." He was being very forceful with his tone of voice as he pushed Viren towards Sir Sparklepuff. "If you don't, tomorrow the sun will rise, and you will not." Again, the tone was firm as he guided Viren's hands on the blade, like "Tick tock; time is running out. Let's go boo. Get it done."

When Viren said, "No more dark magic, never again! I am done with it. And I am done with you!" Like good for you sweetie! But Aaravos looked so offended, and it was clear that he was thinking "What the f*&k just happened?" before he disappeared:

At the end, when Viren was lying on the grass, yet again Aaravos appeared to him (instead of Claudia, who just lost his prison) and said, "Tomorrow the sun will rise. And you will not." His tone and expression of that same statement from earlier were angry this time, and it was clear that he'd moved onto the anger stage of the break up:

Viren was just trying to escape a toxic relationship, and Aaravos was basically like, "If you leave me, I will kill you." 😫 It's a harsh but realistic ending for this pairing.

Although, I'm not sure that I believe Viren will really die like that. Something tells me that there's going to be a loophole, like Claudia's sacrifice of a leg will be enough to give Viren the "blood of a child" & keep him alive.

I just really want to see Claudia & Soren's faces when they find out that their dad had a baby with Aaravos & Sir Sparklepuff is their half-brother. 😂

Extra: I couldn't resist making these -

[ms-demeanor]

hey, don't cry. one cup heavy whipping cream, two tablespoons granulated sugar, three tablespoons cocoa powder and whisk until stiff peaks form for three ingredient chocolate mousse, okay?

[dunmeshistash]

Dungeon Meshi - Izutsumi Futon Ratings

[junglejim4322]

Something that I have noticed is I know almost nobody my age that goes to a food pantry. I know people who regularly run out of money for food and in general have to eat an unsuitable diet because that’s what they can afford and they still don’t go to a food bank, im not sure if it’s because they’re embarrassed or maybe if you didn’t grow up going you don’t know much about it but if you’re financially struggling I really recommend it. And look into other options for food assistance too like community fridges and gardens and other programs that can assist you, where I live Salvation Army pays for an allotted amount of grocery delivery for low income people every month, in the summer farmers take excess produce to the library to be taken by anyone who needs it, etc. There are a LOT of resources for free food that you can look into especially if you are literally not eating because of your financial situation

[wheatormeat]

I made a little zine!

You can download and print it yourself for free here

[as-i-watch]

Chilchuck is definitely the kind of dad that scared his kids with the boogie man, he has that kind of humor

and probably ended up having them sleep on his bed bc he scared them too much too

[infectiouspiss]

"i won't do polyamory because i don't think it's for me and i'm personally uncomfortable with the idea" <- wonderful i love you live your life however you want youre amazing youre incredible

"i won't do polyamory because it's wrong/it's just cheating" incorrect i'm killing you then my boyfriend is killing you then his boyfriend is killing you then his boyfriend is killing you then his boyfriend is killing you then h

[agnesandhilda]

if female top nudity weren't viewed as inherently sexually explicit. oh brother. I would be letting those puppies hang like you wouldn't believe

[thunderon]

so my roommate is completely straight edge like no drugs no alcohol etc and so im sure y’all can imagine my surprise when i saw she brought home this sign

so i immediately inquired

and now you may ask. what the fuck did my roommate think that sign meant? well

anyways i moved the sign so it’s now front and center in our living room and ive been laughing every time i pass it

[christadeguchi]

gritty both capturing the zeitgeist as usual AND educating me on the availability of free flow butter at american cinemas

[beybuniki]

mom's carbon copy with the same, untameable hair

[dunmeshistash]

Dungeon Meshi - Diamond of Sadena

[asteroidtroglodyte]

Move aside swagless boutta get a new Wizard’s Staff that comes loaded with spells like “open locked doors” and “dismantle car”

[smolest-tomato]

thinking about chilchuck's halloween costume and the fact that his favorite monsters are coin bugs. his daughters are dressed as coin bugs. and treasure bugs eat mimics. should i kms. that's so cute

[gallusrostromegalus]

Move To A Darker Place

This is a story of Man Vs. Machine.

---

Last March, my father attempted to file his Taxes.

My beloved father is a Boomer. Unlike most Boomers, my father is rather handy with technology because he was one of the people that had a not-insignificant hand in Developing a hell of a lot of it. He was studying Computer Science at Cal Poly before the computer science degree existed. I have many fond childhood memories of skipping through the aisles of various electronic and computer part warehouses while Dad described something that either terrified the staff or made them worship him as a God.  He taught himself how to use his smartphone.  Internationally.

So when he saw the option to file digitally with the IRS through the “ID.me” program, he leapt at the chance to celebrate the Federal Government finally entering the Digital Age.

It was all going swimmingly for about six hours, until he was ready to file and the system told him that it needed to verify his identity. 

“Very Well.” said my father, a man unafraid of talking to himself and getting something out of the conversation. “It wouldn’t do for me to get someone else’s return.”

The System told him that it needed him to take a “Digital Image ID”.

a.k.a: A Selfie.

“A-ha!” Dad beams. Dad is very good at taking selfies. He immediately pulled out his phone, snapped one, and tried to upload it.

Please log into your Id.me Account and use the provided app to submit your Digital Image ID. The System clarified.

“Oh. You should have said so.”  Dad pouted, but used his phone to log onto the ID.me account, do the six security verification steps and double-checked that the filing looked the same as it did on the desktop, gave the IRS like nine permissions on his phone, and held up the camera to take his Federal Privacy Invasion Selfie.

Please align your face to the indicated grid. Said The System, pulling up a futuristic green-web-of-polygons approximation.

“Ooh, very Star Trek. Gene Roddenberry would HATE this!” Dad said cheerfully, aligning his face to the grid.  My father is a bit… cavalier, when it comes to matters of personal information and federal government, because he’s been on FBI watchlists since the late 60’s when he was protesting The Vietnam War and Ronald Regan before he’d broken containment. Alas.

Anyway, there is very little information the federal government does not have on him already, but he’s as good at stalking the FBI as they are at stalking him, and had worked out a solution:  He has something approaching a friendship with the local Federal Agent (Some guy named “Larry”. Allegedly), and got Larry hooked on Alternative Histories and Dad’s collection of carefully-researched “there is very likely buried treasure here” stories, and Larry is loath to bother his favorite Historical Fanfiction author too much.

But I digress.

After thinking for a minute, The System came back with an Error Message. Please remove glasses or other facial obstructions.

And here is where the real trouble began.

See, my father wears glasses that do substantially warp the appearance of his face, because he is so nearsighted that he is legally blind without them. His natural focal point is about 4 inches in front of his nose.  While Dad can still take a selfie because he (approximately) knows where his phone is if it’s in his hand, he cannot see the alignment grid.

He should ask someone to take it for him! I hear the audience say. Yes, that would be the sane and reasonable thing to do, but Dad was attempting to do taxes at his residence in Fort Collins, while his immediate family was respectively in Denver, Texas and Canada.  He tried calling our neighbors, who turned out to be in Uganda.

He looked down at the dog, Arwen, and her little criminal paws that can open doorknobs, but not operate cell phones.

She looked back at him, and farted.

“Well, I’ll give it a try, but if it gives me too much trouble, I’ll call Larry, and Larry can call the IRS about it.” Dad told her. 

She continued to watch him. Arwen is an Australian Kelpie (a type of cattle-herding dog), going on 14 years old, deaf as a post and suffering from canine dementia now, but she still retains her natural instinct to Micromanage. She was also trained as a therapy dog, and even if she can’t hear my dad, still recognizes the body language of a man setting himself up for catastrophe.

So, squinting in the late afternoon light next to the back door, Dad attempted to line his face up with a grid he could only sort-of see, and took A Federal Selfie.

The System thought about it for a few moments.

Image Capture Failed: Insufficient Contrast. The System replied. Please move to a darker place.

“...Huh.” Dad frowned. “Alright.”

He moved to the middle of his office, away from the back door, lit only by the house lighting and indirect sunlight, and tried again.

Image Capture Failed. Please move to a darker place.

“What?” Dad asked the universe in general.

“Whuff.” Arwen warned him against sunk costs.

Dad ignored her and went into the bathroom, the natural habitat of the selfie. Surely, only being lit by a light fixture that hadn’t been changed since Dad was attempting to warn everyone about Regan would be suitably insufficient lighting for The System.  It took some negotiating, because that bathroom is “Standing Room Only” not “Standing And Holding Your Arms Out In Front Of You Room”.  He ended up taking the selfie in the shower stall.

As The System mulled over the latest attempt, Arwen shuffled over and kicked open the door to watch.

Image Capture Failed. Please Move to a Darker Place.

“Do you mean Spiritually?” Dad demanded.

“Whuff.” Arwen cautioned him again.

Determined to succeed, or at least get a different error message that may give him more information, Dad entered The Downstairs Guest Room.  It is the darkest room in the house, as it is in the basement, and only has one legally-mandated-fire-escape window, which has blinds.  Dad drew those blinds, turned off the lights and tried AGAIN.

Image Capture Failed. Please Move To A Darker Place.

“DO YOU WANT ME TO PHOTOGRAPH MYSELF INSIDE OF A CAVE??” Dad howled. 

“WHUFF!” Arwen reprimanded him from under the pull-out bed in the room. It’s where she attempts to herd everyone when it’s thundering outside, so the space is called her ‘Safety Cave’.

Dad frowned at the large blurry shape that was The Safety Cave.

“Why not?” he asked, the prelude to many a Terrible Plan.  With no small amount of spiteful and manic glee, Dad got down onto the floor, and army-crawled under the bed with Arwen to try One Last Time. Now in near-total darkness, he rolled on his side to be able to stretch his arms out, Arwen slobber-panting in his ear, and waited for the vague green blob of the Facial grid to appear.

This time, when he tapped the button, the flash cctivated.

“GOD DAMN IT!” Dad shouted, dropping the phone and rubbing his eyes and cursing to alleviate the pain of accidentally flash-banging himself. Arwen shuffled away from him under the bed, huffing sarcastically at him.

Image Capture Failed. Please move to a darker place.

“MOTHERFU- hang on.” Dad squinted.  The System sounded strange. Distant and slightly muffled.

Dad squinted really hard, and saw the movement of Arwen crawling out from under the bed along the phone’s last known trajectory.

“ARWEN!” Dad shouted, awkwardly reverse-army crawling out from under the bed, using it to get to his feet and searching for his glasses, which had fallen out of his pocket under the bed, so by the time he was sighted again, Arwen had had ample time to remove The Offending Device.

He found her out in the middle of the back yard, the satisfied look of a Job Well Done on her face. She did not have the phone. 

“Arwen.” Dad glared. It’s a very good glare. Dad was a teacher for many years and used it to keep his class in order with sheer telepathically induced embarrassment, and his father once glared a peach tree into fecundity.  

Arwen regarded him with the casual interest a hurricane might regard a sailboat tumbling out of its wake. She is a force of nature unto herself and not about to be intimidated by a half-blind house ape.  She also has cataracts and might not be able to make out the glare.

“I GIVE UP!” Dad shouted, throwing his hands in the air and returning to the office to write to the IRS that their selfie software sucks ass. Pleased that she had gotten her desired result, Arwen followed him in.

To Dad’s immense surprise, the computer cheerfully informed him that his Federally Secure Selfie had been accepted, and that they had received and were now processing his return!

“What the FUCK?” Dad glared. “Oh well. If I’ve screwed it up, Larry can call me.”

---

I bring this up because recently, Dad received an interesting piece of mail.

It was a letter from the IRS, addressed to him, a nerve-wracking thing to recessive at the best of times.  Instead of a complaint about Dad’s Selfie Skills, it was a letter congratulating him on using the new ID.me System.  It thanked him for his help and expressed hopes he would use it again next year, and included the selfie that The System had finally decided to accept.

“You know, my dad used to complain about automation.” Dad sighed, staring at the image. “Incidentals my boy!  My secretary saves the state of California millions of dollars a year catching small errors before they become massive ones! He’d say. Fought the human resources board about her pay every year.  I used to think he was overestimating how bad machines were and underestimating human error, but you know? He was right.”

He handed me the image.

My father was, technically, in the image.  A significant amount of the bottom right corner is taken up by the top of his forehead and silver hair.  Most of the image, the part with the facial-recognition markers on it, was composed of Arwen’s Alarmed and Disgusted Doggy face.

“Oh no!” I cackled. “Crap, does this mean you have to call the IRS and tell them you’re not a dog?”

“Probably.” Dad sighed. “I know who I’m gonna bother first though.” he said, taking out his phone (Dad did find his phone a few hours after Arwen absconded with it when mom called and the early spinach started ringing). 

“Hey Larry!” Dad announced to the local federal agent. “You’re never gonna believe this. My dog filed my taxes!”

Larry considered this for a moment. “Is this the dog that stole my sandwich? Out of my locked  car?” he asked suspiciously.

“The very same.” Dad grinned.

“Hm. Clever Girl.” Federal Agent Larry sighed. “I figured it was only a matter of time before she got into tax fraud.”

---

I'm a disabled artist making my living writing these stories. If you enjoy my stories, please consider supporting me on Ko-fi or Pre-ordering my Family Lore Book on Patreon. Thank you!