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#as is using -st or -th in the wrong place rather than just using the wrong one
ostentenacity · 2 years
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“hither” and “thither” are not just fancy ways of saying “here” and “there”, respectively; they are only used when referring to physical space. you can come hither or go thither! but to name one example, the set phrase “there is” is talking about existence, not space; it doesn’t make sense to say “thither is” a thing or concept unless you’re specifying that it’s far away or something.
also, -st and -(e)th are VERB endings. You use -st when talking to someone, and -th when talking about someone/thing. but only on verbs! “thoust”? for comedic effect, sure, but it reads as a contraction, “thou’st”, of “thou hadst” (“you had”). also, for any given action, you only need to use 1 -st or -th. “thou art speaking”, yes; “thoust art speaketh,” not so much.
this has been a PSA from your friendly neighborhood urianger enjoyer
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thestobingirlie · 7 days
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This isn't just a st fandom problem, it stretches across fandom as a whole.
But I think people focus on and constantly bring up Steve's 'sins'/ asshole behaviour while ignoring everyone else's because fandom seems to consider homophobia the 'worst' kind of bigotry. They can ignore racism, sexism, ableism, but they can't excuse homophobia. They only care about any other type of bigotry if they can use it to prove a point.
They bring up Steve being homophobic for using 'queer' against Jonathan in season 1 but they ignore
The kid's, particularly Dustin and Lucas, casual ableism in s1, when they kept referring to El as 'the psycho' and talking about her escaping from Pennhurst, calling it a 'nuthouse', constantly referring to her as the weirdo or the freak
Jonathan's ableism in s2 when he refers to the kids as Will's 'spazzy friends'
Billy's misogyny, referring to the girls of Hawkins High as cows.
Billy's racism. Everything about the way he treated Lucas. Just because the actor refused to say the N word, doesn't make the character not racist. There is more to racism than just using slurs.
Jonathan's casual misogyny, the way he talks to and treats Nancy at times, especially in s1 when they're talking about the photos. And the way he talks to and treats Joyce at times.
These are just some of the examples I can think of just from the top of my head. But they all get ignored or swept under the carpet, because 'not that big of a deal.'
All bigotry is bad. But Steve is the only character that has shown a hint of bigotry and then been shown to move past it. To make amends and show that he is now accepting of it. No matter how much people try to claim that Steve accepting Robin as a lesbian isn't proof of him no longer being homophobic. As if lesbians are somehow less gay than gay men.
i think because the majority of the fandom is gay, they just… don’t really give a fuck about other forms of bigotry.
they really think that homophobia is the worst that it gets. and that homophobia really only seems to apply to gay men, because the way they treat bisexuals and lesbians is…. jarring. to say the least.
obviously the show is set in the 80s, so it’s not like the bigotry is… totally unexpected or out of place. but i don’t think it’s treated or written right within the show, and i think that’s one of the factors that makes people so comfortable with ignoring it.
steve’s homophobia is unambiguously portrayed as the wrong thing. as steve’s lowest point. the actions he has to claw his way back from. but the bigotry within other aspects of the show is just… ignored. it’s just a joke. or not that serious. the characters aren’t punished or proved wrong. (i do kinda think that’s because a lot of bigotry was inadvertent, and more reflective of the duffers as people rather than because they were trying to accurately portray an 80s society. but whatever).
steve’s homophobia being treated as the biggest bad is also kinda weird to me because it doesn’t really have… a ‘real’ target, so to speak. like, the parties ableism is directed towards el, who, while she doesn’t have a canonical disability, is developmentally behind and raised in a lab. jonathan’s misogyny is directed at nancy and joyce, his ableism is directed towards the party, and therefore dustin. billy’s racism is directed towards lucas and his misogyny is spoken to max.
whereas steve (I AM NOT CONDONING HIS ACTIONS THEY ARE WRONG!!!) calls jonathan a queer. who is not a gay man. while it’s still obviously wrong and homophobic, the target of his homophobia is not a member of the community. and yet, people treat his comment as if it’s the worst form of bigotry on the show.
they’re willing to overlook everything else. they’re willing to perpetuate lesbophobia and biphobia, racism and misogyny. they’re willing to write thousands of outing fics where the outing isn’t portrayed as wrong. but steve saying the word queer? unforgivable.
(honestly, though steve’s homophobia is the only form of bigotry that we see treated as wrong and we see a demonstration of steve’s growth later in the seasons. i don’t know if we can even give the duffers that, because robin wasn’t originally going to be a lesbian. which means the duffers were never planning on dealing with any of the bigotry in the show in a meaningful matter. but that’s a different conversation)
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wowbright · 4 months
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Fic: Recommend
Fandom/pairing: Glee, Kurt/Blaine
Event: December Klaine Fanworks Challenge 2023
Words: ~1500 words                                         
Rating: Teen and up
Summary: Although Kurt's faith has changed, he still manages to get his temple recommend renewed.
Notes: This is part of my Mormon!Klaine universe. It takes place after Out of Eden, which I am still in the process of posting to AO3. It’s among the possibilities for their future. Mormonsplaining and mild warnings in tags.
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Kurt and his parents had always planned for him to do Finn's temple work when he got back from his mission. It had seemed the right thing at the time, a fitting way to honor the two young men’s brotherhood and make it even more real.
They hadn't seen its one glaring flaw: they were all assuming Kurt would return from Germany with the same faith he'd taken with him when he’d left.
“I'm not sure I'm going to be able to get my temple recommend renewed when I get back,” Elder St. James said to Kurt on their Lufthansa flight to New York. He was on his third Milka mini chocolate bar snatched from the candy buffet near the bathrooms on the lower deck, and Kurt was on his fourth.
“Why?” Kurt said. “Gluttony’s not against the Word of Wisdom. Besides, if chocolate and cookies are all they're going to offer us between meals and we're growing young men, we kind of have no choice. Besides, that breakfast was hardly a breakfast.”
“European breakfasts never are,” agreed Elder St. James. “But it's not the Word of Wisdom I'm concerned about. It's that question about sustaining all the leaders. I'm not sure I can answer ‘yes’ to that in good conscience. I mean, I voted to sustain them at the last general conference, but since my vote doesn’t actually mean anything since they just ignore the abstentions and opposition votes, am I actually sustaining them?”
“You pray for them, don't you?”
“Of course.”
“Well, I think that's what sustaining means—offering sustenance. With a child, that would mean giving them food and clothing and shelter and support and love. The leaders don't need those first three things from us, but they do need our support and love. And we show that by respecting them and praying for them.”
“Huh.” Elder St. James opened a fourth chocolate bar and took a thoughtful bite. “I suppose that works. I mean, it's not my fault that I can't actually sustain them in the vote sense, and the temple questions are supposed to be about things that are within our own control, so … Thanks, Elder Hummel. That helps.”
Kurt unwrapped his fifth chocolate. But before he could break off a piece, he started wondering if he was eating his feelings, trying not to think about what was actually happening, how he was currently vaulting through the sky at hundreds of miles an hour, every second pulling him farther and farther away from Blaine and closer to a future that he couldn't envision. Hmmm. Maybe he should eat his feelings. It was better than thinking about that. Besides, he felt nowhere near full.
“Do you have any worries?” Elder St. James said.
Kurt had so many worries, he didn't know where to start. Maybe he could mention how he didn't actually understand how planes stayed in the air and it was rather disconcerting to be hovering over the Arctic when he could easily imagine the plane just dropping out of the sky and plunging them into the icy water to their untimely deaths, and while he didn't fear for his own salvation, he did rather like this life they were currently living and also, it would be terrible for his parents to lose two sons in so many years. But before Kurt could think about whether this was an appropriate response, Elder St. James clarified, “About your temple recommend questions?”
Kurt gave his one-time companion a sharp look. “What's that supposed to mean?” The recommend questions included one about the law of chastity, and while Kurt knew he had done nothing wrong, it would be better if rumors didn’t spread. Blaine was still inside the mission.
“Nothing in particular.” The vacant look behind elder St. James's eyes seemed to confirm his sincerity. “I mean, you’re such a Peter Priesthood I figured you wouldn't have trouble with any of them. But maybe I was hoping, just a little, that you were in the same boat as me.”
“What boat is that?” Kurt asked.
Elder St. James popped the rest of his chocolate bar into his mouth and chewed it slowly. He didn't speak again until he had swallowed it all. “I don't know. Not as excited about all this church stuff as I was when we were on the plane out here? I mean, I don't even know if I want to go to the temple again.”
"Well, the temple is –" Kurt looked over your shoulder to make sure no one was listening. He had, perhaps, become a little too used to speaking about the temple freely with Blaine. “–it's a lot different from every day worship. And the sessions are long. But I want to go back. I have work to do for my stepbrother.”
The necessity of that work, Kurt’s obligation to his family—they had nagged at Kurt as he’d weighed the risks of becoming physically intimate with Blaine. It had felt like another unfairness imposed on him by the church, forced to choose between loyalty to the family he came from and commitment to the family he was discovering in Blaine.
But as time passed and Kurt got closer to leaving Germany, denying the gift Blaine was offering him had begun to feel like a sin bigger than any lie Kurt might tell the bishop. And he had discovered just how true that was when they finally slept together: being intimate with Blaine, Kurt had felt for the first time what it must have been like to be one of those legendary first humans, before sin and pain existed, when they felt no shame in their nakedness or the bodies that had been gifted them. Their love was sinless because it grew from that same place without sin.
So it was with a clean conscience, upon returning to Ohio, that Kurt answered yes to his bishop’s question of Do you obey the law of chastity? Kurt’s actions with Blaine had been authentically chaste—reserved for one’s spouse, pure in conduct and intention, free of coercion, seeing the full humanity of the other person and loving them for it. Blaine was his other half in the truest sense, regardless of whether the church or the law recognized it.
Nor did Kurt have any qualms about professing his testimony in God the creator or in Jesus Christ or the restoration of the gospel—his faith in these things was even deeper than before he left on his mission, though in a way he would never have expected.
Even Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints? was easy to answer the right way, because the only teachings “accepted by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” were those that had come before the general conference for a vote of common consent. The Proclamation on the Family wasn't one of those things. And besides, he was pretty sure the question was mainly meant to root out polygamists.
Do you keep the covenants that you made in the temple? and Do you strive to keep the covenants you have made, to attend your sacrament and other meetings, and to keep your life in harmony with the laws and commandments of the gospel? were harder. Kurt wasn't even sure he remembered all the covenants he had made in the temple. But the ones he remembered, and the ones he had honestly agreed to, with full understanding—he strove to keep those. As for keeping his life in harmony with the laws and commandments of the gospel, he was more committed to doing that than he’d ever been, even if his understanding of “the gospel” was probably different than his bishop’s.
“Have there been any sins or misdeeds in your life that should have been resolved with priesthood authorities but have not been?” the bishop asked.
“No,” Kurt answered.
“And finally,” the bishop said, “do you consider yourself worthy to enter the Lord’s house and participate in temple ordinances?”
No more or less than any other of God’s children, Kurt thought to say, but he knew it wasn't the answer the bishop was looking for and would only confuse him. “Yes,” Kurt said.
The bishop signed the recommend and sent Kurt on his way with a smile and a handshake and, “Now, don’t spend all your time at the temple. Your first priority now that you've gotten back from your mission is to find a wife.”
“Thanks for the advice," said Kurt, trying to accept it in the same well-meaning spirit it was given.
Then it was rinse and repeat with the stake president, and Kurt had his recommend. Alone in the car, he turned the card over in his hand, staring at the movement of light over its barcode and lettering. “Finn,” he said, “I hope you’re ready for this.”
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IOTA Reviews: Miraculous World: New York - United HeroeZ
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So... with the recent announcement that Seasons 4 and 5 of Miraculous Ladybug will air on Disney+, with one episode set to air around March 27th (and it's out of order because of course it is), I figured I would try something new with this blog.
While I'm sure Astruc will be more active while the new season is airing, I figured I'd take a stab at reviewing new episodes of Miraculous Ladybug when they come out, as I already have a Disney+ account that I only really use to watch Star Wars and other Disney Channel cartoons I've never seen before. Well, that and the gloriousness that is Mech-X4.
And I was thinking that since a certain special is already available on Disney+, I'll review it now. Consider it my, uh...
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279 Follower Special. Yeah, that’s it.
Miraculous World: New York – United Heroez is the first in a series of Miraculous Ladybug specials with the premise of having our heroes travel around the world. Because I guess that's what you do with your show when you run out of ideas for things your characters can do. Just ask Ash Ketchum and Thomas the Tank Engine.
The special is somewhat polarizing among the fandom, with some loving it, and some hating it. If you've seen some of my earlier posts, you probably already know how I feel about this.
Anyway, let's take a look at Miraculous World: New York – United Heroez
We start off with a logo letting us know this is going to be the start of a series of specials called Miraculous World.
Yeah, I'm sure that'll be remembered among other great cinematic universes like the Dark Universe and Ghost Corps.
In all seriousness, this is actually a pretty decent opening. It has some nice visuals that inform the audience of the globetrotting gimmick seen in the special, and the orchestral cover of the Miraculous Ladybug theme sounds pretty badass.
The special truly starts off in the middle of an Akuma fight, where we see that Mr. Pigeon is taking inspiration from Startrain's plan to escape to the one place that hasn't been corrupted by capitalism... SPACE! Apparently, this is the 51st time that Ladybug and Cat Noir have fought him, which makes you wonder if Hawkmoth is either running out of ideas, or if he just wants to see how insane Mr. Pigeon's plans can get for the hell of it.
Ladybug and Cat Noir transform into their new space forms that they've obviously had for a while, given Alya's familiarity with their names... even though those forms probably would have been useful when they were fighting Startrain. And this is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of things this special retcons.
We get a few interactions between Ladybug and Cat Noir to give new viewers an idea of what the Love Square dynamic is like, with Cat Noir fawning over Ladybug after she leaves, and Marinette gushing over a new poster Adrien is in. I'll get back to this later,
After that, we see a brief clip from a student film teaching the audience about the real life friendship between George Washington and Marquis de Lafayette (the latter actually becoming one of Washington's close advisors during the Revolutionary War), and how it lead to the completely made up, “French American Friendship week”, which is basically an excuse for Marinette and Adrien's class to go to New York for a week.
Their teacher, Ms. Bustier isn't going with them because she's having a baby (God help us if the writers resort to pregnancy jokes next season), so the only other teacher in the school, Ms. Mendeleiev, will be supervising the class instead.
Adrien isn't able to go to New York because his father won't let him, and even he lampshades how predictable this is. But as soon as Lila suggests spending time with Adrien, Marinette immediately declares she will try to get Adrien to come on the trip with everyone, because he's her friend... and then Alya mocks her for saying that in the very next scene.
And here is the first problem with this special: The way Marinette's crush on Adrien is portrayed.
We're supposed to see Marinette as being in denial about her feelings for Adrien, but when you think about how Season 3 ended with Marinette realizing Adrien and Kagami (who will make an appearance in this special later on) are happy together, it makes sense that she wants to do this. She wants to move on from her crush on Adrien and try to be friends with him.
Unfortunately, her “best friend” Alya isn't willing to let her move on, which is extremely hypocritical when you remember how often she teased her for her behavior around Adrien, to the point where her other “friends” made bets about Marinette's hesitance to confess to him (Cat Blanc). Does she even know about Adrien and Kagami?
And throughout this special, rather than acknowledge Marinette's decision to move on, she constantly teases Marinette about how she still has feelings for Adrien, instead of simply leaving her alone. She reaches salt fic levels of unlikable in this special.
It doesn't help that Marinette's anxiety around Adrien is cranked up to twelve in this special, with her constantly stammering, or fidgeting around to the point where she struggles to get through a door. Twice. And as always, this behavior is only going to be played for laughs, because the showrunners are running out of ways to make Marinette suffer for comedy. And it only gets worse from here.
While watching a news report about a necklace and sabre George Washington had given to him by Lafyette, Nathalie, bedridden from the events of the season finale, tells Gabriel that the necklace in question is actually a lost Miraculous.
And as soon as Marinette arrives, Gabriel tells her that he's going to let Adrien go on the trip. His reason?
Gabriel: Letting Adrien go to New York will be simpler than hiding my absence here from him. Besides, this will allow me to continue keeping an eye on him.
Yeah, he seriously thinks it's a good idea to send his son to the same place he's planning to attack as part of one of his plans. At least you could make the argument that whenever Adrien is endangered during an Akuma attack, he's simply caught in the crossfire because he's in the wrong place at the wrong time, like with “Style Queen”. Here, Gabriel is intentionally letting Adrien go to New York, while claiming that he will be able to monitor him while he plots to attack the city. This is like if Grand Moff Tarkin let his son go to Alderaan for vacation. And again, it only gets worse from here.
Though Gabriel waits a day to tell Adrien he's going to New York, because of he did, we wouldn't get any scenes of Adrien moping around about how much his life sucks. Well, that and a scene of him and Kagami, where the latter kisses him. This is Kagami's only scene in the special, and she isn't mentioned again after this.
As Ladybug, Marinette tells Cat Noir she's going away for a few days and trusts him to guard Paris as long as he alerts her of an Akuma or Sentimonster. What will happen to the Miracle Box Marinette inherited from Former Master In Name Only Fu is never explained.
To Adrien's credit, it's Plagg that convinces him to go on the trip even though Ladybug trusted him, and even then, it takes a little bit to convince Adrien, showing he still takes his job seriously, with him coming up with a plan in case an Akuma attacks. It's not perfect, but it's something. That all goes to hell later on, though.
We then see Gabriel once again talking to Emilie's corpse about his plan.
Gabriel: Blah, blah, blah, Emilie. Blah, blah, blah, blah, I'll get Ladybug and Cat Noir's Miraculous this time for sure. Blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm such a good father and sympathetic villain.
Oh, sorry. That's how I hear most of his monologues to Emilie these days. My bad.
The next scene features something I bet you've never seen before, Marinette being late for something. Thankfully, Luka gives her a ride to help her catch up, hoping that the trip will “give her some clarity”, most likely referring to her conflicting emotions. Marinette then kisses Luka goodbye and gets on the bus. This is Luka's only scene in the special, and he isn't mentioned again after this.
On the plane, it turns out that Adrien is conveniently sitting next to Marinette, prompting Alya to tease Marinette yet again while making this face.
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Alya: (smirking and talking in a very smug tone of voice) Awesome, Marinette! Go and sit next to your “friend”! So you two can enjoy a nice flight together! A very long flight.
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Alya continues to relentlessly tease Marinette and makes fun of her crush for no real reason, suggesting Marinette get off the plane because “New York is the most romantic city in the world after Paris”. And this gives her a goddamn panic attack where she frantically tries to run off the plane. Remember kids, if someone has some kind of anxiety or social awkwardness, it's perfectly fine to tease and make fun of their behavior, and even exploit it for your own amusement.
And after some unfunny hilarious slapstick involving Marinette on the plane, Alya continues her streak of treating Marinette like her plaything.
Nino: If only this trip could help Adrien finally come out of his shell.
Alya: And if only it could help Marinette be more honest with herself and clearer about her feelings!
Nino: Operation New York?
Alya: Operation New York!
Nino: Let's help them loosen up!
Alya: After all, isn't the United States the land of the free?
Well, the only thing you actually got right about America is forcing others to do things they don't want to do. Just ask the Native Americans.
It's scenes like this why Alya is portrayed so negatively in salt fics. And this happens throughout the special. Now, while I'm not really a drinker, I'm guessing there's at least one person reading this post right now who is. So I have a little idea for a game. Every time Alya acts like a terrible friend to Marinette, take a shot. I'd just have a donor ready in case one of your kidneys gives up on you.
After an admittedly nice scene of Adrien thanking Marinette for convincing his father to let him come (undercut by Marinette creepily commenting on Adrien's cologne as they hug), another problem with this special rears its ugly head, as a man with oddly-colored skin arrives on one of the plane's wings.
Alya: Oh, no! That's Techno-Pirate, the supervillain who steals technology!
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Yeah. This is happening. The special is just casually introducing this new supervillain, Techno-Pirate as well as some other superheroes, neither of which had any buildup before, not even a throwaway line They're just here now.
So some of the American superheroes are to save the day, now, I guess. Majestia, the Superman knockoff, helps steer the plane back into position, her robotic daughter, Uncanny Valley, helps fix the plane's broken wing, while Knightowl and Sparrow, the Batman and Robin knockoffs, deal with Techno-Pirate. And everyone just treats this like a regular occurrence.
Marinette: Wow! That all happened so fast! I didn't have time to transform or help out!
Adrien: Good thing the American superheroes were here. I couldn't have transformed here. I'm supposed to be in Paris!
Plagg: Relax, Adrien! Let the local superheroes handle their own problems.
I have so many problems with this plot development. Just how common is the knowledge that there are other superheroes besides Ladybug and Cat Noir in other countries? How have they never been mentioned until now? Why is everyone just accepting the fact that there are other superheroes?
I get that these characters weren't conceived around the time the show started, but the way they're just thrown into the story is just so confusing and does so many things to hurt the narrative instead of helping it. In other episodes, Majestia and Knightowl were only seen in comic books, and Ladybug and Cat Noir were seen as the only heroes in the world because the world itself was fairly down to earth, barring some more advanced technology (the police's weapons in “Origins”, Hawkmoth's lair, Max's robot, Markov, the space dumpsters in “Reverser”, and the AI in Startrain).
The fact that New York is apparently filled with all kinds of superheroes for very mundane things like directing traffic and selling hot dogs just makes the Miraculous seem less important. If there was more work done to better integrate them into the story, like maybe making them an American secret or something, it could have worked. To quote a character voiced by Jason Lee...
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And the sad thing was that Power Rangers was able to pull something like this off far better in 1995. During the third season of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Master Vile had successfully reversed the Earth's rotation, turning the Power Rangers into children (yes, it runs on Superman logic, just go with it). Because of this, the Rangers are unable to morph, with the villains free to attack the city. In response, Zordon sends out a distress call to another team of Power Rangers from the planet Aquitar.
Now I know what you're thinking. If Zordon had the ability to contact another team of Power Rangers for help, why did it take him so long to do so? The episode immediately answers the question by pointing out that Aquitar is a planet made entirely of water, so it's incredibly dangerous for them to head to a planet like Earth, making their intervention a last resort. And even after they come, a major plot thread is finding ways to keep the Alien Rangers hydrated, which only gets worse when the Alien Rangers' enemy, Hydro Hog, arrives to drain Earth's water while teaming up with the main villains.
The integration of the Alien Rangers into the story generally feels natural, and there is a clear explanation as to why they haven't joined the battle until now, and even then, still place some hurdles for them to overcome. Here, the special just wants the audience to immediately accept the fact that there are hundreds of superheroes in New York.
So as Marinette and Adrien's class arrives in New York, we see Sparrow watching over them, referring to them as “the little croissants”. That's another thing the special gets right about America: casually making racist comments.
Uncanny Valley's civilian form, Aeon, sees Marinette and Adrien, and, of course, she says that they're “made for each other”. If only the writers actually bothered to give us evidence of that fact that everyone loves to say for some reason. Though we do get the only instance of sanity regarding the Love Square in this special, where Sparrow's civilian form, Jess, calls out Aeon for thinking of getting them together.
Aeon: Those two are made for each other.
Jess: Seriously, Aeon? Not again!
Aeon: But I am programmed to help people, Jess!
Jess: Just stop meddling with people's private lives!
Also, I had already mentioned the unfortunate implications of Aeon being programmed to “help people” in an earlier post, but I still want to reiterate that I don't think any of that was intentional at all, and I definitely don't think a single writer on this show is actually racist. Everyone got that? Okay, moving on.
Jess and Aeon are assigned to watch over the Parisian students while they sneak out to a party on the rooftop of the hotel they're staying at, where they meet another superhero, Hot Dog Dan. He gives random people magical hot dogs that give them temporary superpowers. Marinette and Adrien share one, and they both start flying before Adrien offers to slow dance with Marinette.
Okay... It's clear they they're trying to reference an earlier episode, “Despair Bear”, by having Marinette and Adrien dance to the same song they danced to in that episode. The problem is that the context isn't right.
Adrien is dating Kagami, and he's offering to do this... why? What makes him so interested in Marinette all of a sudden? I get that he doesn't realize Marinette has feelings for him, but if someone says they only see you as a friend, do you offer to slow dance with them? Especially if their reaction to your offer is recoiling in fear?
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I'm sorry, writers, but you can't try to recreate some of the magic you had in earlier episodes with Adrienette when you have clearly established Lukanette and Adrigami as official relationships at the moment. And don't give me any of that “that's not the point of the special” crap. The season finale showed Marinette and Adrien getting together with Luka and Kagami respectively, so it's natural that a lot of people were looking forward to seeing how they worked as couples. I'll get back to this point later on.
Meanwhile, Gabriel has made his way to New York, and decides to akumatize the arrested Techno-Pirate into Technolizer, asking him to steal Lafyette's sabre from the museum instead of the necklace.
Back to the museum, Alya and Nino decide to send Marinette and Adrien into a room alone where they're locked in and attacked by the supervillain Solutide...'s hologram, which was all part of Jess and Aeon's plan. In a city where there is a superhero and supervillain on every street. They seriously planned on giving Marinette and Adrien a near-death experience to get them to realize their love for each other.
That's... pretty fucking demented.
What if Marinette and Adrien did something reckless in their attempt to escape? They could have seriously gotten hurt. Hell, what if the scare gave either of them a heart attack? And let's say either of them found out what the plan was (which would be pretty easy, given “Solitude” is a hologram). Do you think either of them would be happy with Alya and Nino, even if they confessed their love for each other? And none of them even think to apologize for what they did, and this scene is never mentioned again. To quote a certain internet reviewer. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING!?
Though to be fair, the scene before was the only scene where Alya gets to use a brain cell in this special by pointing how wrong that plan is... for a second before she goes along with it. So close, Alya. So close...
So after Adrien gets a news report revealing that Robustus is attacking Paris (even though Markov is with them in New York), while Marinette isn't contacted by Cat Noir. The situation only gets worse when Technolizer attacks, getting the sabre in the process.
Sparrow and Uncanny Valley try to fight him off, but are quickly overwhelmed, with some of the latter's technology getting stolen by Technolizer. Marinette and Adrien transform and help out the two heroes, naturally being confused by the other's presence.
But while the four heroes chase after Technolizer, Hawkmoth shows competence for once and steals the necklace in the process, while revealing that the Robustus attacking Paris was actually a Sentimonster created by Mayura.
During the fight, rather than focusing on stopping the already dangerous supervillain powered up by Hawkmoth, Ladybug decides to trash talk Cat Noir instead. I get that she's angry at him for not following through on his promise, but can't she wait until after the fight?
Ladybug: (mockigly) “Just go and rest easy! Yeah, leave Paris with me!”
Cat Noir: I-I didn't know I was going to leave! It was a last-minute decision, that's all!
Ladybug: Do you realize that because of you, there's no one in Paris to protect the city?! Why didn't you tell me that you were leaving?!
Cat Noir: I was afraid you'd get angry!
Ladybug: And you were right, because as you can see, I AM angry!
To quote our recently inaugurated president, will you shut up, man? People say I'm too harsh on Cat Noir for the way he acted during episodes like “Syren”, but this is basically the same thing. Ladybug is prioritizing her own feelings over stopping Technolizer. Yes, she has a right to be angry at Cat Noir, but all she has to do is wait until after the battle to chew him out.
And during the battle, Ladybug outright says she can't trust Cat Noir anymore, making the latter flinch, so Technolizer throws him into Uncanny Valley with his Cataclysm activated, killing her.
In her anger, Majestia punches Technolizer through several buildings before Hawkmoth recalls the Akuma inside him before helping the villain get away. Ladybug casts her Miraculous Ladybug, fixing Uncanny Valley, but that's not enough. Knightowl is pissed, and orders Ladybug and Cat Noir to hand over their Miraculous, not listening to why they're so important, so the two run away.
To make things worse, the two find out about Hawkmoth's plan, and Ladybug explains she can only use Miraculous Ladybug to fix damage caused by a specific villain, and since the Sentimonster is gone, she can't do anything.
In his grief, Cat Noir admits that everything that happened is his fault, so he renounces Plagg and hands over his Miraculous to Ladybug before running away.
So... this scene.
This. Scene.
Where. Do I. Begin?
First of all, this is what causes Ladybug to lose trust in Cat Noir? Not the multiple times he disobeyed her orders because of his own personal feelings? Not the constant flirting and unwanted advances even though she's made it clear she doesn't see him that way? Not the time he trusted an evil doppelganger of Ladybug over the real one? It's this? Cat Noir leaving Paris alone while a Sentimonster attacked?
Okay, let's say that Cat Noir decided to stay in Paris after all. What was he supposed to do when Robustus attacked around the same time as Technolizer? What was Ladybug supposed to do when she found out about Robustus in Paris? Was she supposed to abandon New York and head back there or focus on helping the American heroes?
Second, who does Knightowl think she (yeah, she's a woman, I'll get to that in a bit) is ordering Ladybug and Cat Noir to hand over their Miraculous? What authority does she hold over them? Why should they listen to her? Why can't they simply explain why their Miraculous are so important, and that they can't give them up? Why doesn't Ladybug just explain that she's now the Guardian of the Miraculous? In fact, why does Majestia go along with the order? Ladybug still saved her daughter's life! If anything, she should be sticking up for the two.
There's actually a Superman comic where Captain Marvel storms a police station to interrogate a criminal who killed his best friend so he can find out who hired him. Though he comes close to doing it, Captain Marvel ultimately doesn't kill the criminal's boss, but still flies over to Mount Everest to grieve his friend's death.
Enter Superman, planning to call out Captain Marvel, but instead, he sees him crying. He explains that the boy killed was his best friend before revealing his identity as Billy Batson. Superman's response?
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He goes to the wizard Shazam and demands to know why he did this to Billy, furious that a child was forced to go through stuff like that. While Shazam can't take back the powers he gave Billy, he encourages Superman to reach out to Billy, leading to him revealing his identity as Clark Kent to the kid.
I'm not saying that Majestia or Knightowl should have called out Master Fu or ask who made Ladybug the Guardian (as awesome as that would have been), but the point I am trying to make is in that comic, Superman made the effort to understand what Billy had been through, and understood what happened. Majestia and Knightowl made no effort to do anything like that. In fact, they never even knew Hawkmoth existed, which I call bullcrap on, given that he once MOVED THE PLANET AWAY FROM ITS ORBIT. Were you all asleep that day? Why didn't you do anything to help Ladybug and Cat Noir fight Hawkmoth? Were you expecting them to just fight this magical terrorist on their own? They don't have the same support system the American heroes have, and they could really use the help.
And third, Cat Noir. Yeah, just because I'm calling out Ladybug doesn't mean Cat Noir isn't taking any heat either. Again, I have to ask, this is what makes him give up? Keep in mind, when he was Aspik in “Desperada” and saw Ladybug get captured by an Akuma, he reversed time 25,913 times to try and save her before he threw in the towel. At the same time, he was willing to quit in “Syren” because he claimed Ladybug didn't trust him. The level of Adrien's willingness to keep going is incredibly inconsistent, and this doesn't really help his reputation as a character.
And then there's the fact that he's bailing on Ladybug when things are at their absolute worst. Yes, Marinette also briefly gave up in “Origins”, but that was after her first battle, and she was overwhelmed by her screw-up endangering countless lives in Paris in addition to being a nervous wreck even before she got her Miraculous. But here's the difference: She took responsibility. She realized people were in danger, so she jumped into action to save Alya and Cat Noir. Even then, she acknowledged her failure and felt unsure of herself, with Cat Noir helping to reassure her, showing the emotional support their partnership has.
Adrien, who has been a superhero for months, and has faced some pretty stressful situations, as soon as things head south, he immediately gives up and leaves Ladybug to fend for herself while two separate cities are in danger. And he knows that she has no other allies, because Master Fu ran away at the end of the last season, and Miracle Queen exposed the identities of the other temporary heroes. She has nobody to go to for help. He doesn't even show Ladybug her civilian form to apologize, just so he can't get any flak in his regular life. He just gives Ladybug his ring, and literally runs away.
A wise man once said “With great power, there must also come great responsibility.” Adrien has shown no responsibility at ALL in this special, barring the one moment I mentioned earlier.
It's nothing more than a forced emotional moment that has no buildup. This is basically the same with basically every time Miraculous Ladybug tries to be emotional. The writers think that despite never really having any tension or character arcs in their story, they can just have their characters cry out of nowhere, and suddenly, it's a deep moment? That's not how writing works, idiots!
Back at the hotel, Jess and Aeon are getting chewed out by their mothers (Who are the civilian identities of Majestia and Knightowl), and have a conversation about being superheroes... less than a few feet away from the French students. Though at least Barbara, the civilian form of Knightowl (again, I'll get to that later) calls out Aeon and Jess for their stupid “fake supervillain plan”, so there's that I guess.
So we cut to a press conference where the President of the United States, Camilla Hombee (An anagram of Michelle Obama's name, because Astruc has made it clear what his political views are) advises everyone to stay inside while Techno-Pirate is still an active threat. Why does this seem so familiar? And then she... transforms into a superhero too.
Oh, for the love of-- THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES IS A SUPERHERO?! The person in charge of the country and relations with foreign nations is a superhero too?! If she's the president, why didn't she do anything to stop Hawkmoth?! I get that America doesn't really care about news from other countries outside of America, but you would think that the frickin president, WHO IS A SUPERHERO, would at least acknowledge the existence of a supervillain in Paris as a threat!
GOD, this is stupid! And it only gets worse...
Gabriel sends a car to pick up Adrien, realizing the city was too dangerous (I still don't get the point of sending him here in the first place), causing him to tearfully say that he “wouldn't have minded being stuck here a little longer with a friend like her” before leaving. And then Alya...
Alya: What is wrong with you, Marinette?! Couldn't you see that he was just waiting for you to tell him to stay?!
Marinette: What-? But I...? He...? He made his choice. What did you expect me to do?
Alya: It doesn't matter what I expected you to do! Who's Adrien to you?! A friend or more than a friend?! There will never be a better time to be clear with yourself, Marinette! Do you want him to leave or do you want him to stay?!
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NO. You do not have the right to say ANY of that! It doesn't matter what YOU expected Marinette to do? This whole special, you've been teasing her about her feelings for Adrien, and forcing her into uncomfortable situations with him all because you want your OTP to be a thing. And now you're saying Marinette had a choice the whole time? Marinette expected herself to get over Adrien and start to see him as a friend, AND YOU WOULDN'T LET HER DO THAT! For three seasons, Alya has made fun of Marinette's crush on Adrien, while at the same time, has constantly pushed her into situations where she was clearly uncomfortable around him to the point where she discouraged Marinette for trying to move on in a previous episode (Frozer). And then in this special, she trapped them in a room with a fake supervillain (which is this world's equivalent to pretending to be a terrorist) just to get them to confess their feelings for each other. AND THE WHOLE TIME, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE MARINETTE'S CHOICE???
If Obilvio didn't make me stop caring about Alya, this was the moment that actually me despise her.
And the worst part? The narrative frames her as being right. This is somehow enough for Marinette to run out in the pouring rain while a supervillain is lose in New York, with nobody even trying to stop her, to chase after Adrien's car, where she tearfully confesses that she still loves him after the car gets away.
What is the point of this exactly? We already knew Marinette liked Adrien last season, her nonexistent character arc was learning to get over him, and now she's supposed to learn she's still interested in him? What about Luka? Are we just going to ignore Luka? What about the fact that Kagami is already in a relationship with Adrien? None of these questions are never explained.
Gabriel finds the lost Miraculous, the Eagle Miraculous, which represents Freedom, and gives it to Techno-Pirate, turning him into Miraclonizer. Using the Eagle Miraculous' power, Liberation, he can undo any mental boundaries someone has, but since he's using it for evil, it basically drives several heroes crazy without their own moral codes. And while I claimed it was an original power in one of my earlier posts, the more I think about it, Liberation is really just a different version of Reverser's airplanes. All they did was just phrase the explanation a different way.
So despite being a city full of superheroes, Miraclonizer manages to drive every hero crazy in a matter of minutes, with the exception of Jess and Aeon. So do none of the other heroes have sidekicks? Is there not even a Young Justice or Teen Titans-esque team in this city? I'm just saying, if they have a hot dog superhero, there should be at least more than two sidekicks in New York.
Aeon goes to search out Ladybug and Cat Noir, and because of some technobabble stuff, Aeon can easily figure out their identities. Again, this was something I already talked about in an earlier post, so I won't harp on this scene. It's a dumb retcon in a special full of dumb retcons, what else can I say?
So Aeon goes to find Adrien on his private plane to give him back his Miraculous... even though wouldn't it make more sense for Aeon to use it instead to save time? I didn't mention this, but right before this scene, Majestia was pushing the moon towards the Earth. Time is kind of the essence here. It also would have saved us more of Adrien's whining.
Uncanny Valley: Cat Noir, New York and Ladybug need you!
Adrien: (looks at where his ring used to be) I'm no longer Cat Noir.
Uncanny Valley: To err is human, apparently!
Adrien: My mistakes are unforgivable. I couldn't bear to see the disappointment in her eyes.
“i'M sO tOrTuReD. fEeL bAd FoR mE, dAmNiT!”
Cut it out with Angstdrien Depreste already, writers. It's gotten old.
And despite making a big deal about how much he failed Ladybug, he immediately jumps back into action as soon as he hears a recording of Ladybug saying she needs him. I know it's supposed to be a heartwarming thing by showing him wanting to support his lady, but to me, it just comes off more like he needed an ego boost. He was fulling willing to let Ladybug save the day on her own, but as soon as he heard how important he is to Ladybug, he's more than willing to become Cat Noir again. Because it's not like he could regret his decision to abandon his partner, and realize it isn't too late to make up for his mistake, right? That would imply Adrien is motivated by anything other than his feelings for Ladybug. Then there's the fact that as soon as Cat Noir returns, Ladybug instantly forgives him, despite saying earlier that she didn't trust him. It's almost like that whole debacle was only there to eat up about fifteen minutes of the special's runtime.
Hawkmoth issues an ultimatum to Ladybug and Cat Noir. Miraclonizer is ready to fire a nuclear missile (though the dub calls it a rocket, let's be honest, it's not), fully intending to start World War III unless Ladybug and Cat Noir give up. He's seriously willing to risk making The Day After a reality all for his wife. But remember, you're still supposed to feel bad for this literal war criminal.
Ladybug, Cat Noir, Aeon, and Sparrow manage to get to Miraclonizer's hideout, the Statue of Liberty, and take back the Eagle Miraculous, with Sparrow taking it and transforming into Eagle.
And then there's the design of the new hero's suit. While I'm glad it isn't another skintight jumpsuit, and the wings are a nice touch, people have raised some questions regarding Eagle's design, and how it feels like the animators really want to remind the audience that Jess is Native American. I mean, it looks like what Zack Morris wore in that one episode of Saved by the Bell barring the headdress.
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And this might be because I'm a history major, and I just brushed up on this subject in class last semester, but I'm a little uncomfortable with the fact that someone actually thought it was a good idea to give the Native American girl the Miraculous of the Eagle, the symbol of America which represents Freedom. I don't want to go too into detail about this, but, uh... let's just say if you know about the history of the relationship between the Native Americans and the colonists, you'll get why this raises a couple of red flags.
Does this mean I think the showrunners are racist? No, it was an honest, albeit questionable mistake. Do I think this is the worst Native American representation on TV. Oh, hell no. Chakotay from Star Trek: Voyager was a walking amalgam of every Native American stereotype in the book, and was featured in an episode that said, with a straight face, mind you, that Native Americans used to be backwards savages, so a group of white aliens genetically altered them so not only could they survive the Earth's harsh weather, but so they would become more creative, leading to the birth of Native American culture. I apologize to any Native American human being who had the misfortune of learning about that for the first time. But over all, Jess is far from the bottom of the barrel of poor Native American representation.
So Jess uses her powers to calm every superhero down, while Ladybug and Cat Noir de-evilize Technolizer. And of course, Hawkmoth assumes that since there are other lost Miraculous, “they will be his”. Maybe focus on getting the two Miraculous you originally set out to get first, buddy.
So Knightowl and Majestia apologize for their behavior, and we learn that apparently Knightowl and Sparrow have been around for at least since the Wild West, and that the Knighowl and Majestia we've been following have been keeping up the illusion that the original duo are still alive for several generations.
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Was this special written in the 1950's? Why make a big deal out of this? Why is it so important that Knightowl and Sparrow both have a Y chromosome? The president is a woman and a superhero, the strongest superhero on Earth is a woman, and you were just saved by a female superhero all the way from Paris. I don't think people will be afraid of getting cooties from this Knightowl. Hell, we live in a world where if you don't like a female superhero, people automatically hate you. Just ask the people who didn't like Captain Marvel.
We see that Alya still learned nothing, as she continues to tease Marinete for daring to call Adrien her “friend”, as our special mercifully ends with the class sending a picture of a banner to Adrien to show their support... but not before a brief scene where a Guardian tries to take Eagle's Miraculous, before she makes him instantly pull a 180 as soon as she suggests he help to “create a new generation of heroes together”.
I'm guessing this is meant to be yet another tie-in to yet another Miraculous side project that will go absolutely nowhere. You might as well have had Nick Fury, oh, I'm sorry, Mick Flurry, recruit Eagle and Uncanny Valley for the ZAG Initiative.
But it doesn't matter, because the special's over, and once again, I never have to think about it ever again.
So... what else can I say that I haven't already said. This special sucks.
While the animation is honestly some of the best to come out of ZAG, and the action can get pretty good at times, it honestly doesn't really mean much when the story surrounding it is just so abysmal. Basically the only thing I liked about the Season 3 finale was the idea that the status quo was shifting in terms of Marinette's feelings for Adrien, and this special just ruined this interesting idea by the end faster than you can say “the series finale of Quantum Leap”.
Alya is at her most unlikable here with everything she does in this special. Almost everything she says to Marinette is either some catty comment or making fun of her trying to get over Adrien. Because God forbid she actually try to grow as a person and not let her life revolve around a cute boy. It's stuff like this that I genuinely wonder why Marinette even bothers to stay friends with her when all she does is tease her and force her out of her comfort zone. And according to co-director Wilfried “Winny” Pain, Alya is meant to be like Jiminy Cricket to Marinette's Pinocchio. I don't know which version of Pinocchio he read as a kid, but clearly, it's not the version we're mostly familiar with.
I'm still glad they didn't have Cat Noir revert back into his Ladybug-simping self we all knew and loathed in Season 3, but that doesn't mean he's still enjoyable in this special. The angsting about how sad Adrien's life is stopped being interesting years ago, and it's only done as a way to get the audience to care about him, but it comes off more like the writers are holding the audience at gunpoint and demanding they sympathize with him for bailing on the world when they need him the most.
I thought Aeon was a pretty likable character. Maybe it's because I'm a sucker for socially awkward robot characters like Data or Penny. I just wish we got to know her more, and why exactly her mother felt the need to play God by create her instead of just adopting like what Olympia and Barbara presumably did with Jess.
As a matter of fact, despite being played up as a big deal, there's still a lot about the American heroes that we don't really know about. How were the “United Heroes” formed in the first place? How did Majestia get her powers? What exactly is the origin of Knightowl and Sparrow? Why are all the American heroes so open about their identities to the point where the President's identity as a superhero is so well-known she can casually transform on TV? Hell, Ladybug and Cat Noir barely even interact with any of the heroes, and that includes Uncanny Valley and Sparrow/Eagle.
Generally, the special feels very rushed at times, with a lot of ideas not really being utilized. According to Astruc, there was actually a lot of things cut from the special, including a deleted subplot with Chloe and Ms. Mendeleiev. Although, given Astruc's track record, I don't think it would have been a good one given Chloe is involved.
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This leads into a personal theory I have regarding this special, that I want everyone reading this to take it with a huge grain of salt. As much as he claims that he can't change anything he's already written, I personally believe that Thomas Astruc rewrote part of this special so Adrienette could get more focus to renew interest in the ship.
Hear me out on this. During Season 3, there were a lot more shipping debates between Adrienette shippers and Lukanette shippers, with the latter gaining more traction that season. It was also the season where other ships like Felinette, Kagaminette, and even Maribat became more prominent. And all of these ships were featured in post-Chameleon salt fics bashing Astruc's sunshine child, Adrien.
So, given how Astruc already dedicated an entire episode to bashing Felix fans, why wouldn't he use something like the New York special to convince the shippers to have more faith in the Love Square? After all, aren't Adrien and Marinette made for each other? Astruc has already said so on his Twitter.
Unfortunately, right now, I like to describe the Love Square as “Shrodinger's Relationship”. While the show can claim that Adrien and Marinette would make a great couple, they simultaneously show no real chemestry happening between the two in favor of Love Square shenanigans. And yes, I'm actually thinking of talking about the Love Square in a future analysis post.
And then there's the fact that Astruc himself said that everything that happened in this special is going to lead into the events of Season 4. What do I have to say about that?
Bring it.
I already talk about Miraculous Ladybug itself on this blog almost as much as I talk about its creator, and since I have a Disney+ account, I might as well subject myself to everything Season 4 has to offer. I've already seen one of my favorite shows go to hell, so why don't I chronicle another one of my favorite shows going to hell as well?
So yeah, as soon as a new episode is officially released on Disney+, expect a review from your boy IOTA.
I survived Season 3, so let's see if the number 4 is as unlucky as some countries say it is.
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goldenkamuyhunting · 3 years
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Ramblings and crazy theory time about GK chap 275 “Tokyo Love Story”
So we’ve a new chapter and I’ve discovered…
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Yeah, the fake Yuusaku theory turned out right and wrong at the same time as we’ve someone posing as Yuusaku… but it’s definitely not how I was expecting things to be.
But whatever, let’s start.
We’re in Kanagawa, in 1901. The scene is placed after the one in chap 35, when Toraji and Sugimoto fight the night of Toraji’s marriage, because Toraji is afraid Sugimoto came back to snatch Umeko away from him.
Since Sugimoto’s father died in 1899 according to the official timeline, this confirms Sugimoto waited 2 years before coming back to his village.
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Evidently the two have calmed down because they aren’t fighting anymore and Toraji is asking Sugimoto where will he do now. Sugimoto informs him his father told him to search for a place he can be happy. You might not remember this bit being included in chap 236 because it was a volume addition.
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Sugimoto says he wants to go to Tokyo, since up until now he was in places with few people, which makes sense since he feared he was infected with tuberculosis.
In the Q&A section from the Golden Kamuy fan book it was said:
Q8: What did Sugimoto do in the 2 years between leaving the village after burning his house and coming back to Ume’s wedding? Noda: He travelled to places such as Tokyo and Kyoto. [translation here]
But it’s likely Noda means Sugimoto didn’t stay in the big cities, but in the areas around them.
So okay, we move to Tokyo and after getting a glimpse of Sugimoto moving overly excited through the city playing ‘singing in the rain’...
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...we see him being involved in a fight with more than 10 candidate officers.
Kikuta is called in to stop the fight. Evidently they forced him to interrupt his meal as he is still holding chopsticks and a bowl of rice.
We learn from the info box that Kikuta, full name Kikuta Mokutarou, was at the time a Sergeant in the 1st division (which tells us in his future he was promoted and transferred in another division, the 7th in fact in 1902 he’s working for Tsurumi during the Koito kidnapping), in charge of instructing and providing guidance to the officer candidate students enrolled at the Imperial Japanese Army Academy.
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He’s also keeping his hair short and there’s no facial hair on his face, giving him a much more proper appearance than the one he’ll have later on, although he keeps his uniform unbuttoned, which is less proper.
As Kikuta tells at the rather bruised officer candidate students to stop fighting as it’s disgraceful for them, they protest they can’t let Sugimoto go as he’s dangerous while Sugimoto, completely restrained by their weight, seems to bark and growl like a wild dog. Kikuta offers him his bowl of rice and this gets Sugimoto to calm down as he starts eating the rice.
LOL, Noda couldn’t have made more obvious with this scene that Ogata and Sugimoto fight like cat and dog because THEY ARE A STRAY CAT AND A STRAY DOG.
Kikuta comments that by how it took such a huge number of students to stop him, he expected Sugimoto to be some sort of monster… but now he thinks Sugi can be of some use for him, so he tells the students he’ll take him and tells Sugimoto to follow him as he’ll get him something to eat.
As they eat Sugimoto confesses he got into the fight because the students glared at him, revealing quite a horrible temper. Kikuta points out how his was a stupid reason to start a fight, asking him if he’s a STRAY DOG (ノラ犬 ‘nora inu’). This leads him to nickname Sugimoto “vagrant boy" (ノラ坊 ‘nora bou’), warning him Sugimoto was lucky Kikuta got in between the fight, because otherwise, if the students had managed to take him away, Sugimoto would have been in deep troubles.
As Sugimoto asks why he’s called in such a way, Kikuta explains it’s due to the norabou vegetables that grow in his area. Kikuta then proceeds to explain that there’s an officer candidate in the army named Hanazawa Yuusaku, son of the commander of the 7th division.
Kikuta wants Sugimoto to take his place. So okay, it’s a chapter in which we’ve a fake Yuusaku… only he’s not the one I was expecting.
Kikuta then proceeds to explain how Hanazawa ‘I’m the worst father of the century’ Koujirou, wants his son to become the regimental flag bearer because whoever cares about the high death rate of flag bearer when he can gain more honour through Yuusaku?
Yuusaku’s mom, Hanazawa Hiro, from whom Yuusaku got his nose and, probably, his eyes, doesn’t like the idea of her son being used as cannon fodder for her husband’s glory,
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but know better than to say it out loud and also know it would be a crime to murder her husband so she did the next best thing, she plotted against him, secretly contacting a “marriage agency” in Tokyo so as to find a girl desperate enough to get a husband she would be willing to steal Yuusaku’s virginity (you might remember virginity is a fundamental requisite for a flag bearer), Kaneko Kaeko, daughter of an executive in the Mitsubishi Zaibatsu.
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If the name Mitsubishi feels familiar to you yet it doesn’t make you think of a car, it’s probably because we already had to deal with someone from the Mitsubishi in the Igogusa/Harumi Chiyo story.
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In GK it seems people from Mitsubishi are always desperate to get married... it makes you wonder if Tsurumi had a hand in this mess as well or it’s just a coincidence...
Sugimoto, who’s poor, doesn’t get why a rich girl would be desperate to find a man, so Kikuta explains him her potential partners wouldn’t care about her being rich as they’re rich as well.
Overall Sugimoto ends up on showing again how he’s not very good at placing himself in the shoes of people of upper classes.
Turns out though Hanazawa figured out how his wife his plotting behind his back and tried to plot behind her back as well, asking the help of the commander of the 1st division, whom he trusts, who passed the job to Kikuta (I guess Kikuta might still be loyal to his former commander, which might be he’s okay with plotting against Tsurumi... or was he sent there specifically to do so? We’ll see...).
Anyway Sugimoto, who’s so NOT FAMOUS for sitting around a table and having a honest discussion with people, asks why they didn’t just do that. Really, Sugimoto, if you know talking can solve problems why don’t you try implementing it?
Kikuta replies the things had gotten too far and they’re afraid this could cause an incident that will affect the morale of the division, and, more importantly, could put Hanazawa’s wife patriotism into discussion and this would SURELY reflect bad on Hanazawa who was already willing to sacrifice his son on the altar of his own honour.
To all those who’re reading my meta for the first time, in case you’re wondering no, I don’t like Hanazawa. Not one single bit. Sorry for being biased against him.
Anyway Sugimoto gets a haircut and then Kikuta has him wear an uniform with some stars on the collar so as to make him look like a candidate officer.
Sugimoto wonders why Kikuta picked him and isn’t just using another candidate officer. I don’t know if this is relevant but Kikuta seems thoughtfull when Sugimoto says so, his hat slightly shadowing his face.
Hopefully this doesn’t mean this deception is going to put Sugimoto in serious troubles.
He then explains Sugimoto if they were to use someone from the army they would risk bad rumours about the Hanazawa to spread around.
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Kikuta then comments that Sugimoto, wearing the full uniform, looks good as there’s a touch of elegance on his face that can help him impersonate Hanazawa Yuusaku, son of a high-class general. I wonder if this is meant to foreshadow Sugimoto is actually more than the commoner we believe him to be or if it’s just another way to inform us Sugimoto is good looking, in case we’ve missed it.
Sugimoto wonders if, by joining the army, he wouldn’t have to worry about food anymore and I facepalm here because really, if this is what pushed him to join, he really made a poor decision, but his expression as he talks makes me wonder if he’s just being so very naive I kind of feel bad for him... did he really have no idea what joining the army could include?
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His words cause Kikuta to remember his younger brother, apparently sick, telling him to take the army cap back with him.
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I guess Kikuta is kind of adopting all those young men, Ariko, Sugimoto, maybe even Nikaidou and Ogata, because he lost his younger brother.
It’s interesting how Noda shadows his face here...
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Anyway Kikuta proceeds to educate Sugimoto, as he’ll have to be capable to eat great food at a fancy restaurant. So, once Kikuta thinks Sugimoto is ready as he mastered enough good table manners, a nervous Sugimoto can take part to the marriage interview… where Kikuta discovers with horror they served western cuisine… with Sugimoto being completely ignorant about western etiquette and trying to eat the shrimps using two forks… and Kikuta, who’s pecking through the window while being seated on a tree, panics, thinking he’ll be discovered immediately.
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Well, that’s all for this chapter.
It was undoubtedly a fun flashback chapter that reveals that the fake Yuusaku theory wasn’t completely baseless… but definitely not what I expected it to turn out as I would have never guessed Sugimoto impersonated Yuusaku.
On another note this give me additional fun when I think at this scene.
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Sugimoto should have been thinking at the time he played the high ranking officer, here... though I guess the idea is that Kaeko didn’t immediately recognize him because she’s not in the army? Didn’t they gave her a photo of Yuusaku? Sugimoto’s nose and probably his eyebrows too are different.
We’ll see.
I don’t dare to think Kaneko is also a fake sent, this time, by Tsurumi, to steal Yuusaku’s virginity because Tsurumi doesn’t want Yuusaku among them.
This would just be too crazy.
On more serious topics we can assume now that Kikuta saying Sugimoto to forget about Yuusaku in the previous chapter is due to the interview failing and Yuusaku now being forced to become a flag bearer, high mortality rate and all and the whole fake Yuusaku thing having to remain a secret between the two of them so likely Sugimoto doesn’t know anything dark about Yuusaku… beyond the fact his father wanted to use him as cannon fodder to increase his own prestige but whatever, I hardly think someone could have missed it.
I find rather fun how Noda isn’t really fond of drawing Hanazawa, he’s just using the same image of him over and over… and how instead he had no problems showing us Yuusaku’s mom, name and all, but we still have to see Yuusaku’s face. Really, I can’t wait for the big reveal.
Oh well, we can only wait and see.
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swaps55 · 3 years
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POV Case Study – Have Some Writing Meta
Point of View (POV) is an integral piece of the storytelling puzzle for Opus, my main body of fic, so I thought I’d do a meta post that walks through how I use it as a narrative tool. The intention is not to tell anyone how they should or shouldn’t use POV, but rather to demonstrate one way I used it very deliberately to create narrative tension, weave in characterization, and develop an overarching theme.    
Your POV character is an enormous tool in your writing toolbox, whether you are using a single POV or multiple. How you use it depends on a lot of things: what person you’re writing in (first, second, third), the type POV you’re going with (omniscient, meaning the POV narrator can see into everyone’s heads, or limited, meaning you only have access into the head of a specific POV character).
My preferred writing style is 3rd person “in-your-face” limited POV, that puts the reader so solidly in the POV character’s head it’s almost like 1st person in a 3rd person trench coat. That coupled with present tense gives me some extra intensity that I love taking advantage of in emotional or climactic scenes. Again, this isn’t to state a right or a wrong way to use tense or POV – there are lots of great ways to use these tools – but for the purpose of this exercise, this is my chosen loadout.
I made the conscious decision early in Sonata that I did not want to use Sam Shepard’s POV, ever. Every story in his series would be told through the eyes of the people around him. Why? Because one of the key character traits of Sam is that he makes himself whatever someone needs him to be. He sees himself as a tool, so to be a useful tool, he has to have the right shape for the job. This raises the question: who is Sam, when he is free to just be himself? I’m not sure even Sam knows the answer to that question, so to reinforce it through storytelling, I never wanted to reader to see what goes on in his head. Everything you learn about Sam comes through the perceptions of others, and to show the reader how differently he is perceived by others, I write with multiple POVs rather than just Kaidan’s.
Below the cut, I’m going to walk you through a specific example where POV was an essential part of crafting the story I wanted to tell. The chapter in question comes from Fugue, a story I’m writing that explores the aftermath of Alchera. You don’t need to have read Fugue to follow the logic, but if you care to read the chapter, it functions well on its own separate from the rest of the story.
Fugue – This Hole You Left.
This was a very complicated chapter that lived and died by POV choices, and it was extremely difficult to put together. The approach I took was a gamble that (thankfully) worked after much fretting, gnashing of teeth, and help from @pigeontheoneandonly.
This Hole You Left takes place after Sam dies over Alchera. I wanted to paint a ‘kaleidoscope’ of grief, and explore how Sam’s death impacted the people around him in very different ways. Therefore, I needed a plethora of POVs to work with, each one giving me something different. The goals were this:
Find differing POVs that would offer demonstrably different perceptions of Sam and/or illustrate different stages of grief and shock.        
Allow each of those POVs to mold to that character’s specific goals and motivations. i.e., I did not want the grief of other characters to be tied to the romantic relationship that had been lost – because that’s not the lens those characters would look through.
Each POV had to move the chronology along in a way that made sense and felt natural.
Kaidan’s POV was off limits. In the absence of Sam’s physical presence, I wanted to treat Kaidan like Sam – the character people could see, but not explore the headspace of. Everything the reader learns about Kaidan in the immediate aftermath of Alchera comes from other people.
That last piece was important. Arguably, Kaidan’s POV was the most valuable one of all, but I was going to have lots of time to explore it in meaningful ways elsewhere. I thought it might be more powerful to express his grief through the eyes of others, and use him as a central theme to weave in and out of the chapter. More about that later.
This constituted one hell of a puzzle to put together, especially when it came to the chronology. For instance, an early mistake I made was putting the most powerful POV (Anderson) too early in the sequence, which diminished what came after it. Moving that POV around meant re-framing other POVs to keep the chronology moving forward (for example, Garrus’ POV initially came after Anderson’s, by moving it before his, I had to change the context so that Anderson’s POV wasn’t a step backwards in time).
Each POV scene was also intended to essentially be its own self-contained short, creating a microcosm of grief, that when put together, would create a much larger and significant whole.
I could write forever about all the trial and error that went into finding the right formula, but it’s probably more valuable to look at where I wound up, and why:
1st POV: Lora Alenko (Kaidan’s mother)
Why: She gave me a window to set the clock in motion and make the loss of the Normandy feel real, because she had the advantage of having no idea anything was wrong. Plus, her perspective felt like a unique one I hadn’t seen in fic when it came to Alchera. I’d set her character up in Sonata, so readers of that fic would be familiar with her and understand what that phone call meant to her in a more meaningful way.
How I used it: I put her in the middle of a mundane, normal, event – lunch with a friend – and then shattered that normalcy with a phone call telling her the ship her son was on had been destroyed. That shift from normal to a state of dread gave me the tension I wanted to use for the rest of the chapter.
Excerpt:
But before she can answer, her omnitool flashes. She frowns and looks down at her arm. It’s a message from Marc. SOS. Call now.
A chill runs down her spine. SOS isn’t something Marc throws around lightly. She’d gotten an SOS from him when he’d found Apollo, the warmblood she’d ridden for years, with a leg stuck through the paddock fence, and the day they’d learned about Vyrnnus.
Kaidan.
“Melia,” she murmurs. “Excuse me, I have to take this.”
2nd POV: Admiral Hackett  
Why: Hackett gave me the chance to explore Shepard through the eyes of the Alliance. To them, and to Hackett, he’s a weapon rather than a person. He also gave me a chance to weave in a sense of anger, one of the stages of grief.
How I used it: This POV came about late in the revision process, but I’m thrilled it did, because I was missing that cold, calculated look at Shepard’s importance. Shepard dying fucks up Hackett’s plans and political machinations, and his immediate response is not to mourn someone who died, but to move on to plan B. This also gave me a shot to work in Shepard’s mother. By seeing her in Hackett’s POV, I could reinforce the ongoing theme that Captain Shepard sees her son as a legacy, rather than a person.
Excerpt:
There isn’t a list of people who can replace Shepard. Time to make one. Hackett exhales, gaze falling to the datapad on his desk, Shepard, Sam still displayed at the top of the casualty list.
He picks it up and hurls it at the wall. It cracks, screen flickering to black as it clatters to the floor.
What a goddamned waste.
3rd POV: Joker
Why: Joker was an easy one. I’d set up some rather terrible foreshadowing in Sonata with a scene in which he makes the comment “I’d go down with that ship,” and Sam replies, grinning, “Not while I’m around.” I wanted to spike the ball over the net in Fugue, so parking in Joker’s POV in the immediate aftermath was a no-brainer.
How I used it: Through Joker I could explore guilt and shock, so I went back to that memory from Sonata and used repetition to make Joker feel stuck in that moment. It was also my first chance to weave Kaidan in to reinforce the notion of guilt and lay some neat groundwork for narrative tension that would come to a head later.
Excerpt:
I’d go down with that ship.
Not while I’m around.
He should have abandoned ship. The escape pod was right there. He could have given up the Normandy at any time. All he had to do was step over the bodies of Pressly. Chase. All he had to do was leave them all behind.
Instead he’d stayed, and Shepard had made good on his word.
I’d go down with that ship.
Not while I’m around.
4th POV: Dr. Chakwas
Why: Through her, I could look at the adrenaline and denial that comes with managing trauma. To her, Shepard was a patient. Because she is overwhelmed with patients in the form of the Normandy’s wounded, she cannot stop to think about the one she cannot help: she has a job to do, and she has to do it. There will be time to grieve later.
How I used it: Again, I used Kaidan to emphasize her role as a caretaker. Kaidan, who is in command of the survivors, has a moment of weakness that she cannot afford to have, and he can only afford to have in front of her, because she overrides his authority in a medical emergency. Because we are in her POV, we see her outwardly refuse to crack, when internally she’s hanging by a thread. It made for a nice contrast.  
Excerpt:
“There was no transponder signal,” she tells him, saying out loud everything she’s been repeating to herself. “We were in hostile territory, with over twenty injured crew. He was gone, Kaidan.”
His fingers curl, eyes still trained on the window.
She puts a hand to her forehead. Between Virmire, triage on the Citadel and this it’s too much. Before today she’s never felt old. Tears sting the corner of her eyes and she swears under her breath. Not here. Not today. Tears are something for tomorrow. Right now, she has a job to do.
5th POV: Garrus
Why: Garrus was a member of the crew who wasn’t on the ship, which is a completely unique perspective. But the question that took me forever to answer, was, how does he react to Sam’s death? What was Shepard to Garrus? I hadn’t written about them during ME1 yet, he was not part of Sonata, and ME1 Garrus is always a little tricky for me. I knew there was something important to gain from his POV, but I couldn’t figure out what it was to the point of tearing my hair out. Eventually, I settled on Garrus seeing Shepard as a mentor he couldn’t live up to, and made his POV about failure and regret.  
How I used it: Shepard was everything Garrus aspired to be, but could never quite achieve. He left the Normandy because Shepard made him feel like he could make a difference, only he didn’t. And then, his friends needed him, and he wasn’t there, and now Shepard is dead. I wove a lot of doubt, regret and self-deprecation into his POV to drive that home.
Excerpt:
Dammit, why hadn’t he stayed on that ship?
He grabs another report from the top of the pile on his desk, which is getting tall enough to sway in the breeze.
This is why. Because Saren had obliterated the Citadel, and Shepard, damn him, had made him believe he could make a difference. He thought he could make it here. Crazy thing, having to fill out a form every time you find a corpse. He’s got three more to add to the list after today.
6th POV: Anderson
Why: Anderson was both a father figure and commanding officer to Sam. Because he’s known him for most of his life, he has a perspective no other POV character has. To him, Sam was more like a son he’d been tasked to protect, and in the end failed to protect him. He and Kaidan are the only people who know Shepard well enough to mourn Sam, and not just Commander Shepard. Anderson would really let me start to explore grief.
How I used it: This was my heavy hitter. Through Anderson’s POV, I could trace Sam the person as he grew into Commander Shepard, and explore the echoes of the kid that still lived in the adult. I was also able to use Kaidan in a really fascinating way. In Opus, Kaidan and Sam served together for four years before the Normandy. Therefore, Anderson is pretty familiar with him, but doesn’t know him the way he does Sam. He keeps looking at Kaidan expecting Sam. In a sense, trying to plug a puzzle piece into the wrong hole. It was a neat way to show Anderson’s grief.
Additionally, this was a great opportunity to demonstrate Kaidan’s sense of loss without being in his head. Anderson does not know there was a relationship between Sam and Kaidan, but the reader does. Thus, I could have my cake and eat it, too: The POV character wasn’t examining the relationship that had been lost between Sam and Kaidan because he didn’t know it existed, but the reader got to.  
Excerpt:
He exhales through his nostrils. “The Normandy was attacked by an unknown vessel. Whoever they were, Joker says they came out of nowhere. Shepard got him into the escape pod, but the ship lost gravity. He…well.”
Alenko stares straight ahead, silent. Anderson looks for a tell, but he only knows Shepard’s.
Alenko isn’t Shepard.
7th POV: Tali
Why: Tali presented a similar problem to me that Garrus did. What was Shepard specifically to her, and what did his loss mean to her? As my closing POV, not only did she need to hit a home run, but she also needed to close out the chapter in a way that tied all the other POVs together and examined Shepard’s death through a much wider lens, without feeling like I was pulling the camera back from her POV to get there. That’s a lot to ask. Lucky for me, Tali never lets me down.
The answer I came to also called back to Sonata, in which exploring what home meant to each of the characters was an important theme. So I went back to this idea for Tali, as she and Sam had a very important thing in common that set them apart from everyone else: they were both born in space, and did not have the traditional fixed point of home that everyone around them had. Home was different to them than it was to everyone else.
How I used it: Tali was the only one left who understood how truly unique and special the home she’d found on the Normandy was. Therefore, when the crew starts to fragment and fall apart around her, she is forced to mourn the loss not only of Shepard, who gave her that home, but the home itself. I was able to use that grief to circle back to how much Shepard changed the people around him, and how deeply his loss will be felt in ways people haven’t even realized yet.
That conclusion was the magic final puzzle piece that made the whole thing work, and it was literally the last idea to take shape.
Excerpt:
Aliens don’t carry their ship names with them the way quarians do. Perhaps when you’re born with dirt under your feet you don’t need to. For them, home isn’t a vessel among the stars – it’s a fixed place in the universe, a way back no matter how far from it you venture.
But Shepard had been different. Like the quarians, he had no fixed point. Home was what – or who – he carried with him. He’d understood the power of a ship name, even if he hadn’t used one out loud. People who served with Shepard felt like they belonged, in ways they couldn’t anywhere else, because he said to hell with that fixed point in the galaxy and brought home to anyone who needed it. For Shepard, there wasn’t a way back. Just a way forward.
Shepard changed people.
They’ve lost so much more than a ship.
The primary objective of Opus is to examine the relationship between Sam and Kaidan, but to really understand the magnitude of Sam’s death, it was critical to explore it outside the confines of that relationship. Part of the struggle Sam and Kaidan have is that Sam doesn’t truly belong to himself or to Kaidan – he belongs to everyone else. That means his death doesn’t belong to either him or Kaidan. It’s shared with all the people he touched and shaped.
That’s what made this carousel of POVs a challenge I really wanted to make work. It required an absurd amount of juggling, but the diversity and uniqueness of each made Shepard’s loss feel real and devastating. But not only did each of those POVs tell us something about Sam, they provided some meaningful character development for the POV character. How they react to Sam’s death and what it means to them tells us a lot about that character, which in turn lends the entire story more depth.  
If you read this far, I’m pretty sure you deserve a cookie. 
I don’t know if any of that is helpful or meaningful other than to show an example of how POVs can be a really awesome tool to tell a story. There can be a lot of depths and layers to why you use a particular character to tell a story through, and those choices can greatly impact the story you end up telling.
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meaningofmotorsport · 3 years
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Russian Grand Prix Review
What is 2021 coming too, when even a track like Sochi can give us a great race, full of overtakes, strategy and heartbreak. The only thing to top this, would be a monsoon at Abu Dhabi!
Hamilton ended up maximising his weekend by taking the win, his 100th in the sport, after not starting the race very well. However, a combination of good strategy and strong pace from Lewis, allowed him to claw his way to the front, and be right behind Norris. If it hadn’t been for the wet period, he probably wouldn’t have won, but Mercedes and Hamilton showed their experience in those conditions, as they outsmarted McLaren to take the win. It was a rewarding way to get a century of wins, as he continues to show his prowess in Motorsport. Given what happened with Max, it wasn’t an ideal weekend for the team, and Lewis may still need to take an engine penalty, so there are many more twists and turns to come!
It was a rather topsy turvy race for Verstappen, who flew through the field early on, to be only a few seconds behind Lewis at the half race point. Yet, just like Hamilton had in the first stint, Max then got stuck behind Ricciardo, and whilst protecting his softer tyres, fell back slightly behind Alonso. He was saved by the rain, as both his skills in the wet, and pitting at the right time, meant he climbed right up to second. They have to be ecstatic with that result, as they have barely lost anything despite taking an engine penalty. From now on, Red Bull need to be flawless, and pressurize Mercedes, if they want to win the title.
Much like Max, Carlos too had an up and down day, as he led the early stages of the race, until the Ferrari once again suffered with graining, like we saw at France, and was forced to pit early, which severely compromised his race. He was holding on to 3rd somehow on very old hard’s, and pitted with Verstappen for inters, to get another podium for Ferrari. On a power hungry track like this, it was a great day for Ferrari, especially as the new engine in Leclerc’s car performed very well.
Ricciardo was on roadblock duty all race as I mentioned before, although his pace was pretty good on the whole. It was the stint behind Russell that cost him compared to his teammate, and then with Sainz too towards the end. It is good to see that he is about where he should be in that car, and his experience meant he knew when to pit in the wet period, which gained him a few places. Bottas is a lucky man, as before the rain he was down in 14th, doing nothing at all. He initially made good progress, but it seems that once Max passed him, he just gave up, and even fell back from midfield drivers. Even motivation from the Mercedes team didn’t work, until he was the first to pit for inters, which shot him up to 5th.
Alonso used all his skill and cunning to claw back some points against Aston Martin, including practicing the runoff area at Turn 2, which worked well on Lap 1. His pace was comparable to those around him, and so 6th is a great result for the team. Looking at where his teammate was all day, it shows how good he still is, despite his age, and the time he had out of the sport.
What can you say about Norris and McLaren this weekend! They were perfect all race, and made the right call in going long on the first stint, to give them fresh tyres when Hamilton charged at the end. Without the rain, I do think he could have held him off, as Lewis had stalled out behind him for a few laps. At the start of the rain period, Lando was actually pulling away from Lewis, which is rather incredible to see. So, who made the mistake on the call not to pit? Obviously, we don’t hear all the radio communications, but from what I heard, both the team and Norris could have handled it better. The team should have been clearer on what the forecast was, and what their view was on the situation, as the driver can’t see everything. Then, Lando was a bit too stubborn in staying out, which is understandable, given it was his first chance at victory. Overall, I would put it more on the team’s handling of the situation, as you need to support the driver more in those scenarios. Hopefully, Lando can come back from this stronger, as he was brilliant for most of the race, and has a great future ahead of him.
Unnoticed by anyone, Raikkonen managed to bag some more points for Alfa Romeo, as he was another to dive in for the inters. It is a nice way for him to return to racing, as he nears towards retirement. Unlike Bottas, Perez was doing all he could to help Red Bull, as he climbed up, to be right behind Lewis in the 1st stint, which meant he couldn’t fully focus on passing Daniel. Also, if Red Bull had nailed the pit stop, he could have put on a late charge, to try and pass Hamilton, and possibly even get the win. As it was though, he fell into the pack with Max, and pitted a lap too late for inters, dropping him almost out of the points.
It is funny how sport works, in that a few months ago, points for Williams were nothing more than a dream, and now we are used to it, and aren’t surprised that Russell finished 10th. As expected, he didn’t have the pace for a podium, and held up the pack to begin with, but was able to fall in line, on the edge of the points before the rain came. A good decision of when to pit, netted him another point for the team, in an unbelievable year for them.
It could have been an equal or better points day for Aston Martin, compared to Alpine, as Stroll was right up front for most of the race. However, a mixture of being on the wrong tyres, and incidents both between the two Aston’s and Gasly, meant it wasn’t to be in the end. Gasly himself was unlucky to be caught up in it with Stroll, although he wasn’t on course for a lot of points anyway. Leclerc, apart from Norris, was the biggest loser from the rain, as he stayed out with Lando, and lost out on a top 5 result. His pace was stellar all day, as he could stay with Verstappen, suggesting that the new engine is rather good for that car. Could Ferrari still put pressure on McLaren for 3rd in the constructors?
Despite not winning the race, you have to say that Red Bull, with Max at least, were the biggest winners from the race. Whereas teams like Ferrari and McLaren, have some lessons to learn, on why they weren’t able to win the race, in the extraordinary circumstances we saw!
-M
Thank you very much for reading this article! To keep up to date with when they go out, and to see my reactions to races and other news, follow me on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/MeaningofMotor1
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kaypeace21 · 3 years
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i’m a survivor too, and i found that certain scenes/stuff will said just really struck me as ‘csa-survivor’-like? i felt a bit uncomfortable about headcanoning it happening to someone else, especially for a fandom as wild as this one, but your metas have really been a comfort to me because they’ve been able to pick out and explain things that i couldn’t necessarily find the words for myself.
and yeah, i would love to have a character like me that is powerful and who finds love and who gets a happy ending. the people who call the theory disgusting always kinda hit wrong with me because although csa is a difficult subject, we shouldn’t be ashamed about sharing it. they sound like they’re trying to say that it’s a bad topic to talk about and implying that it can’t happen to kids, which uhhhhh-
(i’m sure that’s not what they mean, precisely, but it’s still what they sound like, and i wish that they would stop implying that we can’t exist, especially in popular media. we do, and i’m not gonna pretend we don’t, and if they feel uncomfortable with the topic they can just use the block button. we deserve to have some well written representation just as much as anyone else. also, i really really hope that will gets a happy ending.)
anywayyyy i love your theories and i can see your post in the tag so i think you’re fine?? have a good day ❤️❤️❤️
SORRY, this ask took so long to respond to. It always warms my heart to hear other survivors speak and say they found comfort in my theory.
Yes, I think I and a lot of c*a/r*pe victims (subconscious or otherwise) were triggered by some of the symbolism/visuals in s1-3. And s3 made it hard for most of us to ignore the past imagery- since s3 wasn’t as subtle.
I get why people have reservations about the theory. But the debates to the contrary are usually just plain offensive. Or people trying to be respectful but being the opposite. There’s the obvious bad-apples . I got many anons after part 1 of my DID theory saying it “ruined/tainted byler”, and “if that happened to Will i’ll stop shipping byler” , or that it  “ruins the best gay character” ,  and to “remove the post immediately”. And this was when I was open about being a gay c*a victim. I obviously blocked them. Many survivors don’t come forward because they’re afraid people will see them as “tainted”, “ruined”, “ just their trauma”, or blame them for what happened. So yeah, it pisses me off when people say similar stuff about Will (and thus other c*a victims). Not even diving into the messed up psychology about byler/mileven shippers (knowing i was a lesbian c*a victim) but purposely spreading bs rumors about me being a p*do that was into Will/Noah-all because of the theory. -_-
Then there’s the people who try to be “respectful” but literally do the opposite.
I’ve heard numerous times it’s somehow “less offensive” to just use r*pe imagery to make monsters scary. Rather than have  the monsters have that imagery cause Will created the monsters from his memory/imagination-and st is a story of Will healing from that trauma. SORRY- I disagree. Using the worst experiences of peoples’ lives (and triggering their trauma) for no real purpose- except to make their monsters scarier to the normal/general audience who haven’t gone through it so won’t be triggered like us - is MORE OFFENSIVE to victims! NOT LESS! At least to me.
Then there’s the people who say “c*a should never be talked about (in stories).” Which I disagree with. V*ctims have already been told by ab*ser’s  and enablers of the ab*ser- to never talk about what happened to us  . So it rubs A LOT of us the wrong way when people say this.  Because (subconscious or not) you remind some of us of the people who used to hurt/silence us. People say this -simply for their convenience (like ab*sers) and cause deep down they’re uncomfortable with our existence and equate the despicable act to us the innocent v*ctim ...or just want to deny the horrible reality of the situation (like many enablers who deny the truth and hurt us because they don’t want to accept reality) . And 1) It brings us back to a time where they told us to NEVER talk about it- and makes us feel like we did something wrong when we didn’t! 2) Every psych professional says with-holding/keeping the ab*se a secret is detrimental to our mental health.
Plus, there’s a HUGE difference between sugarcoating/minimizing trauma or WORSE glamorizing, condoning, or romanticizing C*A in stories (ex: pretty little liars) VS showing how the action is wrong, causes trauma, but showing recovery and happiness is still possible for v*ctims.  if the story shows how accurately traumatizing it is (instead of minimizing/glamorizing it)- it’s incredibly rare for that character to get a happy ending. Having a story about recovering from that type of trauma and finding happiness despite such hardships would be amazing for US survivors! We rarely get stories with a happy ending-  it’s more harmful to us survivors to never see ourselves get happy endings in tv/film/books. How can some survivors (in a dark place) think there’s a light at the end of the tunnel- if it’s never shown?Also if Will has DID too- it’s good mental health rep, along with queer rep (and survivor’s rep.) All 3 groups rarely are treated well or get happy endings in media. A lot of people may feel more heard, seen, and a bit more hopeful for the future - If Will (and other characters) get a happy ending.
And even though st has many themes- like say homophobia. To try and hand-wave all the disturbing  r*pe imagery away  as ‘Will is just gay so the monsters are like that”. IS SOOOOOO offensive. Trigger warning for examples. I’m sorry what part of Max saying when Billy had c*nsensual s*x it’s “good screams” but when possessed by the mf he causes Heather to do “bad screams” read as gay???! Having the possessed ch*ke/dr*g people before throwing them in trunks (like it’s implied Lonnie did to Will -since Jonathan checked Lonnie’s trunk for Will in s1)?Tying their arms and legs up/ g*ging  them and  getting on top of them and saying “stay VERY still it’ll all be over soon”-before a monster shoves it’s tentacle into someone’s mouth and inserts a goo - just gay??? Similar to the sentient vine/shadow monster forcing itself down Will’s throat. Let alone Will saying things like “he made me do it”, “i felt it everywhere”, or being tied to a bed and screaming “help! stop! it hurts! let me go!” While Jonathan is the only one who’s visibly triggered by this and has to literally turn away and hug someone . Or barb, billy, and El spiting up a white liquid from their mouth (similar to will spitting up a slug and lying to his mother about it ).El/billy touching a suspicious looking slime with their hand and looking at the substance confused . El drawing Papa with 3 legs (the middle one being shorter) ,  trying to undress in front of the boys , and Benny saying “I think she’s been ab*sed or something”.The theme of ab*sive dads- brenner , Lonnie, and Neil . Even when the demogorgan (called in d&d the “deep father”/ in the show “a man without a face”) attacked Barb it’s chopped up with scenes of Nancy having c*nsensual sex (the monsters are doing the opposite symbolically). There’s way more examples but NO- to try and hand wave /equate ALL OF THIS to just “gay imagery” or an “a*ds metaphor” is WAY more problematic. And just offensive (specifically to gay people) than just admitting what it may actually represent. R*pe imagery and gay imagery is NOT THE SAME THING!
Also ST has never been a kid show- maybe rewatch the show and see the rating of tv-14 . Goodness sake- s1 has a st*ged su*icde, k*dnappings, m*rder, discussions of physics, h*mophobia, and s*x (with stancy in s1 & jancy in s2-s3). S2/3 discuss at their finalies recovering from tra*ma . S2 had gra*ic de*ths,  a man causing a women br*in damage/ and faking her m*scarriage, and a gang of vigalantes k*lling criminals. s3 had critiques on capitalism /media/s*xism, many d*eaths, and questionable imagery like the prior seasons. The Duffers constantly reference  movies & events from the 80s (capitalizing on 80s nostalgia /subverting 80s motifs that middle age people  from that time remember)! Those people were their intended age demographic . Most 80s centric refs go over most kids’ heads (heck a lot went over my head too since I wasn’t alive in the 80s XD).The Duffers even said in the book “worlds turned upsidedown”  “it’s not a kid’s show despite having kids”. And maybe it’s a coincidence but when Lucas in s3 hands Will the “devil’s baby” firework (a hint about Lonnie) he says “18 and over only.” Which idk is a weird/random af line unless it’s foreshadowing that the show will get darker about various themes- and maybe even change ratings.
I get people wishing nothing bad ever happened to Will or Jonathan. And being apprehensive and not trusting the Duffers to do such a story justice (cause it’s difficult to do). But personally i trust them to do so tastefully with tact and not be exp*itative, (overly gr*fic) or offensive to v*ctims. You can disagree and think the show is about something else (or not trust the Duffers)- but it’d be great if people could stop using these other messed up talking points. While trying to appear ‘(fake) woke’ and like they care for victims- cause we see through it that you really don’t.
Have a lovely day anon ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Update- I just really agreed with and appreciate the tags in this reblog
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starscheme · 3 years
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Change My World
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Wake Up Little Mermaid 
Spinel awoke with a painful groan. It felt as if rocks were tumbling around in her head. She placed her hand against her forehead, her vision a bit blurry as she opened her eyes. Once she was able to focus on the scene around her, Spinel's heart jumped to her throat as she gasped. She was in the water.
Spinel had woken up in an underwater home. One that she didn't recognize. She looked down at her hands and noticed the bright pink scales that laced her skin. She was no longer wearing the dress that Steven had bought for her, but the Gem at her chest was still there. However, the heart-shaped Gem was no longer upside down. Wasn't it supposed to be this way? For some reason, she thought it should've been upside down, but it always right side up, wasn't it?
"...my dress..." she mumbled to herself, wondering why she had worried about wearing one. For a moment, she had a fleeting feeling that she had lost something given to her, but that wasn't the case. Why would she be wearing a dress unless she needed to go on land?
"Spinel?" came an upbeat, husky voice from behind.
"Oh...Amethyst..." greeted Spinel absently.
A purple mermaid swam around Spinel with a smile, her long hair flowing behind her as she did so.
"What's the matter," she asked, "you seem out of it."
Spinel stared at the mermaid in silence, as if she hadn't seen her in quite some time. Her eyes drifted to the Gem at Amethysts chest and it was like a flash of light went off in her head. Spinel hunched over, covering her stomach as she closed her eyes tight, trying to suppress the pain that shot through her head. A fogged over image of Amethysts Gem covered in blood and Amethyst shouting out for her to run.
"Spinel!" Amethyst shouted, grabbing the pink mermaid's shoulders to get her attention. "What happened?! You okay?!"
The pain in Spinel's head subsided rather quickly as she opened her eyes and focused on Amethyst's face. What was that? It couldn't have been a memory. Nothing like that had ever happened before. She forced a smile and shook her head, "Ah...I'm fine. ...just a little...out of sorts I guess."
Amethyst seemed unconvinced, but she released Spinels shoulders and sighed.
"I guess I would be too if I were you. ...I came to cheer you up, but I guess that was doomed from the start."
"Cheer me up?" repeated Spinel curiously. Why would she need that?
"Yeah. I heard about what happened. I'm sure they wanted to keep it under wraps, but some of my clan was part of the guard when it happened. So of course I would hear about it."
Spinel felt lost. It was like she stuck in a strange fog. She could hardly remember anything important and for some reason, she felt as if she shouldn't be here.
"...what do you...?"
Amethyst frowned and leaned in, staring hard at Spinels Gem.
"It doesn't look like they cast anything on you. ...maybe you're just in shock?"
"Th-that must be it..." replied Spinel, relieved to have an excuse for her confusion. She didn't want to admit that her head was such a mess.
"It's going to be okay," insisted Amethyst, taking Spinel's hands into her own with a determined expression in her eyes. "We can find a way to sneak you in."
"How will we do that?" asked Spinel, deciding it was best to simply go along with the strange conversation rather than ask Amethyst what was going on.
Amethyst looked around to make sure no one was swimming by before she leaned in a bit more.
"The other Amethyst guards can help. When they rotate the shifts in a couple of days, they can allow you into the garden. It won't be a problem since I heard that Steven turned away the new playmate they gave to him."
The fog around Spinel seemed to lift slightly when she heard Steven's name. She knew who that was. Someone important. Someone that was taken from her. Was he in danger? Suddenly, she felt an overwhelming urge to find him.
"He's okay?! He's not hurt or anything?!" Spinel asked desperately.
Amethyst seemed taken aback by Spinels sudden change, but she gripped her friend's hands.
"Calm down. He's fine. Just because they can punish you, doesn't mean they would punish him."
Spinel shook her head. That wasn't right. Steven was taken. Wasn't he? She didn't know where he was and had to go and get him.
"No! They took him and I have to find him!"
As Spinel started to struggle to rip her hands from Amethyst, the purple Mermaid panicked and held tighter.
"Spinel! Calm down! No one took him! He's fine!"
"No! You're wrong! This is all wrong!" Spinel shouted. "Those humans-they took him for protecting me! I-I saw it! It was..." Spinel trailed off during the struggle, trying to remember these events she was raving about, but honestly, it seemed like a dream now. She ceased her fighting and took a few deep breaths. Is that what happened? Did she just have a bad dream? Now that she thought on it harder, there was no way that human guards would come and take Steven. They couldn't. "...no...you're right. ...I...I must've had a nightmare..."
Amethyst sighed in relief and slowly released Spinel's hands, "...I figured this would be hard on you...but it's worse than I thought. They must have punished you pretty harshly..." The purple mermaid growled through gritted teeth and a spiked whip appeared in her hand. She swung it at once, striking a stone pillar that immediately crumbled. "Those bastards! What did you do that was so terrible!? Just because they don't like it-"
Spinel watched her friend get angry for her and she felt a bit more grounded. Perhaps Amethyst was right. Perhaps she had been punished too severely and it messed with her head. Even if she couldn't fully recall why she had been punished.
"...I'll be fine. You don't have to worry too much."
"But you were locked up for weeks! Who knows what that crazy Agate did to you! You and I both know that she takes pleasure in causing pain..."
"Will you quiet down!" insisted a strong, commanding voice as Bismuth swam over with an unamused expression. "You'll alert the entire reef."
Amethyst huffed and her whip vanished before she crossed her arms over her chest.
"As if you can lecture me about being quiet."
Bismuth rolled her eyes but turned to Spinel with a compassionate smile. "Sorry it took so long, but we had to make sure that Sapphire wasn't watching our movements."
"What's going on?" Amethyst asked suspiciously.
"Mind your own Bismuth," joked the shark-tailed Mermaid with a wink before she took out a small pink orb and placed it into Spinels hands.
"What's thi-" Spinel began to ask, only to be silenced as Bismuth pressed a finger to her lips.
"Hold it to your Gem and think about who you want to see. It won't last too long, but we can cover for you in the meantime. I know it's not much, but it's all we can do for now. Just remember to tell Steven that everything is going as planned."
Spinel was a bit confused, but it wasn't any worse than she had been already. At least she understood that this was supposed to help her see Steven in some way. Without waiting another moment, she held the orb to her Gem and closed her eyes. Whether her memories were in place or not, the only sure thing was her concern for Steven. even if she didn't quite know why. A warm light washed over her and when Spinel opened her eyes again, she was floating above a beautiful garden.
"...Wasn't this place..." Spinel mumbled to herself, swimming slowly down towards the lovely flowers, stopping at the top of a small stone platform that at in the middle of the garden.
"Spinel!"
The voice that called out her name was one that no matter how muddled her memory was, she wouldn't forget. Spinning around, her heart jumped against her chest when she saw Steven dashing up the stone steps. Though she was happy to see him, her smile faded slightly as she stared at him. The Steven in her memory had dark eyes and ebony hair, but the Steven that was rushing towards her had light pink curls and his eyes were a bright pink hue with pupils the shape of diamonds. What was even more strange was that he was somehow breathing under water. How was that possible? Could he do that before and why was he wearing some sort of hospital gown?
"...Steven?" Spinel questioned aloud, trying to piece her thoughts together.
Before Spinel could figure out what was going on, Steven finally made his way to her and without hesitation, wrapped his arms around her to pull her into a tight embrace.
"I missed you so much," he exclaimed happily.
"W-wait a sec," stammered Spinel as her cheeks began to burn.
"Sorry, Sorry," chuckled Steven as he pulled back, but leaning back in to plant kisses along her cheek. "I didn't mean to surprise you."
His gentle kisses caused Spinel to freeze up, her heart pounding rapidly as his breath hit her skin. She knew he was affectionate, but she still wasn't entirely used to all this. Mostly she was just happy to see that he was safe. "Well I-"
"What's the matter?" Steven asked, pressing his forehead against hers with a playful smile. "Didn't you miss me too?"
This man didn't look like the Steven that she remembered, but they certainly acted the same, even if this one was a little braver about it. “St-Steven...something is wrong...” she admitted. From the moment she opened her eyes, Spinel felt that things were warped. Now that she was face to face with Steven, her head was a bit clearer. None of this was right. She placed her hands on Stevens shoulders and pushed him back, trying to piece things together. “I...I was on the surface. We fell and you protected me. Those humans...you sent me away and I need to find you...”
“What’re you talking about?” Steven asked, genuinely confused.
“It wasn’t a dream. It happened!” Spinel exclaimed adamantly. “I don’t know what this is, but it’s not right!”
Steven smiled sadly at Spinel and the Mermaid felt a twinge of guilt. This was just a strange dream, wasn’t it? Steven couldn’t breath under water and he didn’t look like this. So why did she feel bad for rejecting this place?
Steven reached over and placed his hand over the Gem that sat over Spinels chest. “You’re not my Spinel?”
Shifting back, Spinel covered her Gem with her hands and shook her head, “this is a dream. Just some weird dream caused by that-that weird pink illusion. I need to wake up and find Steven. My Steven.”
“You’re Steven?” He repeated with a renewed smile, seemingly relieved. “...I guess that means i kept my promise.”
Spinels confusion quickly turned to frustration. She was tired of all the vague conversations. Even in her dreams everyone seemed to talk in circles so that she wouldn’t fully grasp what was going on. However, it wasn’t as if she wanted many answers either. The closer she got to the truth, the more terrified she was. She opened her mouth as if she was about to shout at Steven, but he shook his head and stopped her cold.
“It’s okay,” he began gently. “You don’t have to remember anything.”
“...what does that mean?” Spinel asked despite her defiance in diving any further into this.
“It means...that you can forget everything. Just let it all go. I know why you’re here...but I never wanted you to look back.”
Stevens words led Spinel to believe that this was some sort of memory, but it couldn’t have been. She’d never met Steven before being captured and he didn’t look like this. So why did she feel so miserable? As if she were saying goodbye. “...I don’t...know you...” she mumbled, mostly trying to convince herself not to feel bad. Still, her eyes burned and warm tears slipped from her eyes, mixing into the water around her.
“Don’t worry,” Steven said as he stepped forward, reaching over to place his hand against her cheek. “I know this isn’t goodbye. Not really. Find your Steven and be happy. That’s all I wanted. That’s what we promised...”
“I don’t understand,” choked out Spinel as she held back the remainder of her tears.
“You don’t need to,” insisted Steven, with a sympathetic smile. “The only thing you ever needed to remember, is that no matter how this world changes...I will always find you.”
His words stung. Why did this hurt so much? This never happened. It was a stupid dream that she couldn’t get out of. So than why couldn’t she stop the tears? “You’re the one that lost, you idiot...” sobbed Spinel, rubbing her eyes defiantly in an attempt to stifle the tears.
“Heh, well than I guess you’d better go and find me,” chuckled Steven, grabbing her wrists and gently pulling her hands away from her face so that he could meet her eyes. “Don’t ever look back,” he whispered, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. “Be happy...my beautiful Spinel.”
The pink mermaids tears finally stopped. She may not have completely understood all this, but his words warmed her heart somehow. “Once I wake up...I can go and find my Steven.”
“That’s right,” he replied, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against hers. “This is just a dream. It’s time to wake up now...”
Spinel closed her eyes as well, feeling a sense of peace like this. She wanted to say goodbye, but a warm, pink light washed over her before she could say a word and the Steven in front of her faded into that light, vanishing from her sight. When the light faded out, Spinel was staring up at star filled sky. She was back in the forest, laying on her back against the ground amongst the fallen leaves. Tear stains marked her her cheeks as she stared silently at the night sky. “...I woke up...” she whispered to no one, placing her hand over the Gem beneath her dress. It was time to wake up and head forward. It was time to find her Steven.
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m4st4rd · 4 years
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the sugar bowl
author’s note: hello friends! the wonderful @guaxinimraccoon has let me use their equally wonderful characters, Brad, Toby, and Siri, to write a fic! please go check them out-- their art is super awesome. i ended up writing a lot more than i expected, but i still love it! this was super fun to make and i’m excited to see what you guys think :). enjoy!
warnings: mild panic & mild swearing but that’s about it
word count: 2.4k
part one | part two 
 “TOBY? ARE YOU READY?”
   After a fitful sleep, Tobias could barely stand to listen to the noise around him. It wasn’t much: the water rushing through the pipes, the skitter of the mice outside his home in the walls. And now, Siri tugging on his leg as he struggled to relax on his hacky-sack chair. 
   “C’mon, man,” she said, huffing a laugh. “You promised you’d grab some more paper and bread like, yesterday. And that you would get sugar.” Toby didn’t know why she even had the time to pick up a hobby as boring as drawing. There wasn’t much to draw in their little home. He’d rather just try and continue his eventful dream instead of getting dressed just for some scraps.
   But he had to. It was his duty as a borrower and as Siri’s best friend. 
   “Alright, alright.” He got to his feet and ran his hand through his sleep-tousled hair. “But this means you’re making dinner tonight, right?” Before she could protest, he added, “Better start cooking that soup now.”
   Siri put on a pouty glare, but her pointed ears twitched with amusement. “Yeah. Whatever,” she mumbled. But she couldn’t keep her face up long. Soon, it disappeared into a grin. He wasn’t prepared when she threw her arms around his neck in an excited hug. “You’re the best, Toby.”
   Tobias couldn’t stop himself from smiling, too. “Yeah. I know.”
   She waved as he disappeared down the corridor. Neither of them could’ve known what was waiting for him.
***
   Ever since Brad moved out of his parents’ place, he knew only one thing: solitary. Not that he necessarily minded — he wasn’t the most extroverted person. Even in college, he would stay in his dorm with a pizza and Netflix while his roommate hit frat parties. In the two years they lived together, they must’ve only spoken a total of eleven words to each other. 
   But what he did mind was the endless, repetitive schedule. Wake up, check his phone. Have breakfast, take a shower, brush his teeth, pop an aspirin for his morning headache. Head to work and return to boxed mac-n-cheese dinner (or, if he was feeling adventurous, spaghetti). He wanted something exciting, even if excitement, for him, meant taking a different route to work. But he was too afraid of change.
   What he found on Saturday evening really threw a wrench into the gears of his brain.
   He got home to an empty apartment. Nothing special: a hand-me-down couch next in front of a 90s TV. He contemplated just napping on the couch for a bit before dinner, but he never did that. So instead, Brad took off his shoes, hung up his coat, and headed to the kitchen. There was some leftover tuna salad that he could munch on if he didn’t feel like cooking.
   Nothing special. 
   That is, until he stood up. 
   He probably wouldn’t have heard it if he was distracted, but it was real and oh-so-soft. A rustle from deep inside his cabinet. Brad could feel his heart stop. Did he have mice? No, that couldn’t be. He cleaned out his cupboard pretty frequently. Bugs? That would be even worse. 
   Shff. There it was again. It sounded too… heavy to be a roach. Whatever the little thing was, it rattled his cereal boxes. And then, the telltale clatter of the sugar bowl top falling onto the shelf. 
   Wait, what? Okay. That was weird. Brad took a deep breath. His interest had piqued. He had to see what this thing was.
   With a silent prayer, he opened the cabinet. 
***
   Paper? Check. Bread? Check. Toby was still dusting his knees off as he remembered that he was still missing something: sugar. With a groan, he got to his feet and shuffled over to his hook. “Damn Siri and her sweet tooth,” he muttered (though he’d never admit to her that he enjoyed something sweet every now and then).
   He didn’t notice the front door open and the giant enter. He was distracted by the looming jar in front of him. It was difficult getting the lid off, but with a sharp tug and a grunt, it fell to the floor of the cabinet and he prepared to dive in to get a cube. 
   But before he could get very far, the cabinet door swung open, and light invaded. 
   And Toby was face-to-face with the human of the apartment.
   Brad wasn’t sure what he was looking at. A little man…? A four-inch-tall person, not much bigger than his finger, was standing by his sugar bowl. Pointed ears, wild, electric blue hair, and even wilder eyes stared him down. A patchy bag sat at his feet, and patchy clothing hung off of his thin frame. Was he drunk? High? Did someone roofie his coffee?
   Whatever composure Brad had left him. “Wow,” he whispered. Just a breath seemed like enough to knock the little guy over. “Hey, there, du—”
   Toby didn’t hesitate to whip his needle out. “Back!” he tried to snap, though it was more like a squeak. God, he must’ve looked pathetic. His legs were jelly. Every bit of him trembled. “St-stay back!”
   The giant blinked. He shook his head of shaggy black hair, rubbed his eyes with unfathomably huge fists. Toby did his best to suppress a lame whimper when those hands appeared. “So I’m not dreaming,” he said, more to himself than to Toby. It took every ounce of courage not to cry. 
   The bean, however, seemed to notice his fear. “Wait, little dude, hey…” He eyed the needle warily. “You don’t hafta be afraid.” Toby didn’t believe him for a second. 
   The borrower looked suspicious. “Back up,” the little guy growled, and surprisingly, Brad obliged. He took a step away so he didn’t tower over him (and so he didn’t suffer the wrath of his needle). 
   How did Brad look right now? He wasn’t the biggest person around, but he certainly wasn’t the smallest in his family. Even so, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He couldn’t even bring himself to squish spiders. He’d always trap them in a cup and usher them onto the balcony. This little person, though, didn’t know that. He held his needle-sword up high, his toothpick arms shaking all the while. It practically broke Brad’s heart.
   What’s this guy doing? Toby thought. Nothing was stopping him from snatching him up in a fist and stuffing him in a jar or a shoebox. Was he luring him into a false sense of safety just so his experiments would hurt more? Was he p—
   “Hey, man, you okay?” The bean’s thick brows were knit together with concern. “You’re looking a little pale.”
   “Wouldn’t y-you be?” Toby scoffed before he could stop himself. Man, I’m so dead. “I-I-I mean, someone as big as you is a little Goddamn terrifying! God knows what the hell you’re gonna do to me! ” He snapped his mouth shut. He’s gonna fucking kill me for real now. 
   “What I’m gonna d— No, buddy, I swear I’m n—”
   “Stay. Back.” Holy fuck, what am I doing?! Toby thought. The most he could do was poke the bean’s finger with his needle, but that would only make him angry. He contemplated running, but his thought dissipated when he realized the giant would have plenty of time to stop him.
   Brad’s jaw went slack. For such a little guy, he sure was brave. But after a beat, his words finally sunk in. “Wait. C’mon, man. I’m not— I’m not gonna do anything to you. I’m just. I’m just surprised. I mean, it’s not every day you find a little man in your cabinet.” With a chuckle, he asked, “So are you gonna start paying me rent, or what?” It didn’t immediately dawn on him that this tiny person probably didn’t know what rent even was.
   Toby frowned. What the hell is this guy talking about? More to the point, what game is he playing? 
   With a frown, Brad took another small step back so he didn’t smother the little guy and held up his palms. “Okay, okay, look. I promise I’m not gonna hurt you. Cool?” He didn’t respond, but his shaking arm did lower the needle a bit. That’s a start. 
   Brad heaved a sigh that ruffled Toby’s wild hair. “Right. Uhm. I’m… I’m sorry for scaring you, dude. I didn’t mean it. I swear.” He fiddled with his thumbs. A shy look crept over his face. “I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m Brad. What’s your name?”
   For a moment, Brad was afraid that the guy was too terrified to answer. But then came the timid voice, so quiet compared to the man’s earlier jab. “Toby.” 
   Just play it cool, Toby thought. Do what he wants and maybe he’ll let you live.
   “Toby. That’s a cool name.” A set of teeth that could snap Toby in half without a second thought were bared at him in a wide smile. Toby could barely hold his ground without flinching. “Wait… You were here for food, right?” 
   Toby’s heart skipped a beat. “You… You’re not mad, a-are you?”
   “No!” Brad said, maybe a little too quickly, because the little guy— Toby — flinched. “I promise I’m not mad,” he added. “Y’know, I was, uh. I was gonna have dinner, anyway. How ‘bout you eat with me? You look like you could use a hot meal.”
   “Oh,” Toby said lamely. His head was going a million miles an hour. Was this Brad guy serious? He just found a tiny creature going through his food, and he’s offering him dinner? It’s gotta be a joke, right? Some weird, fucked-up joke. But instead, what came out of his mouth was, “Uh. S-sure.” 
   Brad couldn’t stop a grin from crossing his face. “Cool. Cool, cool cool. How does pasta sound?”
   “P-pasta sounds great.” My God, Siri’s gonna kill me if this guy doesn’t.
   “Awesome. Wait here.” The bean ducked out of sight, his footsteps rattling Toby’s entire world. 
   Is this a trick? Is he gonna put something in the pasta? Why, why did I say yes?! God, Toby, you fuckin’— It took him a while, but Toby finally came to his senses: the giant was gone. 
   The giant was gone!
   He’d left him to his own devices. Never, in all of his years, had Toby heard of a human who would do that. His parents had always told him that humans were malevolent giants that wouldn’t let you go the minute they got their hands on you. Clearly, they were wrong. At least Brad wasn’t like that.
   In spite of that, Toby was scared shitless. Every cell in his body begged him to leave, but his feet were rooted to the spot. But did he want to leave? After all, the giant did just offer him a free meal. And he was nice. He didn’t grab Toby, or even talk too loud. And he listened. 
   One thought trumped all of that: Siri. God, she was probably terrified, wondering where her friend was. On the other hand, she might’ve been ready to jump him when he returned after a talk with a human. Should he go home, or risk it all for some pasta and the chance that he might not die?
   Toby was at a crossroads.
***
   Brad was over-the-moon. Who would’ve thought that he’d be making dinner for a little, blue-haired guy? An unknown roommate, a potential friend? This was the kind of change he needed.
   With a triumphant hiss, he pulled exactly what he needed from his desk drawer: a spool of stiff art wire from his more creative days. He could bend together a little set of utensils so the guy didn’t have to eat with his hands. 
   “Alright, buddy!” he called as he returned to his kitchen. “It won’t be much, but I promise it’ll be ta— Oh.” 
   The cupboard was empty. All that was left was the tiny patchwork bag near the sugar bowl. Somewhere, deep inside his chest, Brad’s heart broke just a little bit. Why am I feeling like this? For some tiny dude I met ten minutes ago?
   He let out a defeated sigh. Not that he could blame him. Brad couldn’t imagine how terrifying he must’ve seemed to a four inch tall man. Toby wasn’t even the size of his hand. It’s not your fault. With that in mind, he grabbed a pot from under the sink and started boiling water for his dinner. A pasta dinner just for him. Not for two.
   At least he knew he wasn’t dreaming.
***
   Toby was out of breath when he finally reached his door. 
   It was late, but Siri was definitely still up and waiting impatiently. How was he going to explain his borrowing run to her? If he told her he was spotted, they would without a doubt have to pack up and leave, which was tedious. That, and they probably would have to live with a human that didn’t have good snacks.
   He took a deep breath. He would be honest. Yeah, honest. Brad wasn’t murderous or enraged when he found Toby looting for sugar. He was good, and nice. Siri would understand. He pushed the door aside and entered his home. 
   Sure enough, Siri was waiting on his hacky-sack chair. But when she spotted him, she looked relieved, not angry. “Good grief!” she cried, charging into him. Her hands shook from where they rested on his arms. “Shit, Toby, were you gone a long time. I thought you were dead!” Toby didn’t have the energy to respond as she looked him up and down. “Where’s your bag?”
   Fuck. My bag. He must’ve left it by the sugar bowl in his desperation to leave. “Rats,” he said blankly. What happened to being honest?  “I ran into a couple of extra territorial ones on my way back. I gave them my bag to distract them so I could get away.” He feigned an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, Siri. I’ll go again tomorrow. Promise.” 
   He prayed and prayed that Siri would believe him. With a sigh, she shook her head.
   “No, Toby, it’s okay.” His friend patted him on the shoulder. “You’ve had quite a day already. Go on and sit down, I’ll fix you a bowl.” As she turned away, every muscle in his body relaxed. He could’ve died twice today and still he managed to come out unhurt.
   Still. He flopped down in his hacky-sack chair and blew his bangs out of his face. There was something missing, and it wasn’t his borrowing bag.
   Why did he feel so bad?
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sexyshakespeare · 3 years
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Ch 1: A Royal Birthday (Kuroken Royalty AU)
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#sfw with some slight nudity cw for mention of some #violence #starving and #classism #poverty --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kuroo had practically lived in the palace all his life. He was born there. That was his biggest pride, something he boasted when he played with the baker and gardener’s children. He’d eaten out of the same jam pot that the royal prince had. Though of course he’d gotten beaten for it by the guard right afterwards, and every time he dared to play with the prince since. He still had the scars to show for it. But his highness insisted. The older he grew, the more he mandated that Kuroo be allowed to visit him in his chambers, eat with him, go horse riding with him. Kenma- he frowned and corrected Kuroo if he called him anything else, yes, Kenma had grown into a very prideful, powerful prince. He was a big man now, sitting in at all the tactical meetings with his parents. Kuroo on the other hand, had been inducted into the king’s army at a young age- he was just sixteen when he’d first seen battle. It was a horrible thing, he’d lost his training partners, his friends, too young and badly fed to survive something like that. But Kuroo. He was a fierce fighter, and he’d promised Kenma that he would come back with nothing more than a broken nose. Kenma had been relieved that his nose was in fact, very intact. His handsome face hadn’t been harmed in any way- but his arms had gashes, his body slashed in places that would not heal fast. But this had been his life. And a better life than he was used to. The army’s soldiers were treated with more respect than most- they had better food, and better living conditions. He’d been able to move his father to the palace as a helper in the kitchens again, despite his age. His mother had died from sickness years ago. Kenma had yet again insisted that Kuroo sleep in his bed that night, and had held him while his body shook with tears, harshly whispering promises to the heavens that he wouldn’t let his father go the same way. Today however, was not a day for recalling all of that. Today was the young prince’s 21st birthday. He wasn’t so young anymore- he would be seeing many eligible suitors today at his party- princes and princesses alike. And Kuroo was invited. Well, Kuroo was his personal bodyguard, he had to be there- but Kenma insisted that he was ‘invited’ and would be treated as a guest. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kuroo was waiting outside Kenma’s chamber, his daggers safely tucked away in his belt- and his strong arms crossed behind his back as he watched the corridor. He never, never took his post for granted, and he never, never slacked on the job. He even insisted on taste checking Kenma’s food for any hidden poisons. Nobody would harm Kenma on his watch, and if he harboured any suspicion, nobody could save the culprit from his wrath. It was more than just a post though. It was about him. His.. dare he say it, friend. Kuroo’s eyes softened as the thoughts flooded his mind- his lips curving ever so slightly at the corners. Every night sneakily spent in the royal bed, tickling Kenma, being fed cakes and having his mouth wiped by Kenma on his birthday, which was just a month after the prince’s, Kenma teaching him how to read. He wipes at the tears pooling in his eyes, and takes a breath- turning to look down the corridor again. Stupid, he shouldn’t be getting emotional at a time like this. The prince’s birthday was the perfect opportunity for rivals to try something to endanger his life. “Kuro?”, his beautiful, sun-kissed voice sounds from inside the doors. Kuroo jumps a little, knocking twice on the ornate wood, “Are you okay your highness?? Is your window locked?” “Oh geez I’m fine, relax will you-“, his beautiful voice with a hint of annoyance now, Kuroo laughs once awkwardly and turns back around, “Sorry..” “Come in please I need your help-“ The young man does as asked, gently pushing down the handle and passing through- closing the doors behind him and facing the other- but his jaw drops, his hand immediately raising to cover his eyes- “You- your highness you should’ve mentioned you’re not decent- I’m sor-“ “You’ve seen me like this before, cut that out, help me decide please-“, he speaks again, with authority. Kuroo slowly drops his hand- his eyes lifting from the gold embroidered carpet to his beautiful feet, his bare knees, up his bare thighs, skipping over the thin veil over his- his- “Well.. this one- or this one?”, Kenma holds two robes, one in each hand. The left was the color of the sky, with white sashes and ribbons, silver threads, and just a hint of yellow that would match his hair. He’d insisted on having it dyed in his 17th year. Kuroo had been so embarrassed, their conversation from the night before looming in his head. ‘The Princess that visited you last week was beautiful, don’t you want to meet her again Kenma..?’ ‘What was beautiful about her’, his haughty indignant voice- nothing was ever enough for this spoiled prince, Kuroo had thought at the time. ‘What wasn’t! Her hair’s the color of honey-‘ “K uro! We don’t have time for you to get lost in your daydreams right now”, his beautiful voice, teasing and mischievous. “I- I A M NOT DAY-dreaming”, he sputters, trying to keep his eyes off of his prince’s bare chest- the gold arm bands that glistened from his arms. “They’re both gorgeous, the one on the right is red and rich, heavy- it’ll send the right message, you’d look like a lion-“, Kuroo says with a smile, his eyes going over his collarbone, and then finally his face. His face. His eyes danced, they pierced him through and through, that was how he looked at him. And now his royal brow raises in a challenge, “I don’t care- which do /you/ like” Kuroo’s face colors, and he looks behind him at the doors wondering just how long it would take for someone to find them like this. He’d get flogged for sure- though his back was tough enough to take anything after what it had seen. But his heart thumps impatiently, pulling him towards his prince. Why did he ask him questions like this- “I.. like the other- the blue one..”, he admits now, his voice softened, his eyes even more so when they meet his pretty ones. The literal sun, shone through those eyes. Kenma always insisted that Kuroo had the same color eyes, but he was wrong, his were dull and hard. Kenma smiles at him, bright, and nods- tossing the other robe on the floor like it wasn’t worth 50 horses, which makes Kuroo’s eyes widen in reproach, even if it wasn’t his place. “S orry.. sorry, I’ll put this back in its place..”, the young monarch says suddenly, not letting the soldier speak, “I know you want to scold me for being a spoiled thing..”, he says yet again with a smile as he goes about putting the red robe back in his wardrobe. Kuroo watches him curiously in silence, smile playing on his lips. It really was a miracle, how he spoke to his own father, with contempt lining every word- and how he spoke to him. Kuroo directs his eyes back to the floor when Kenma dresses. “Did you want help- should I ask the maids to come-“ Kenma shakes his head gently, “They have enough on their plates with this ridiculous event-“ “It’s not ridiculous.. it’s for your-“ “Y e s my birthday, what a wondrous day I was born 21 years ago, and half the kingdom gets fed extra today while they practically starve the rest of the year”, his beautiful voice, with disdain dripping from it. He looks sad, his hands smoothing down the front of his garment. Kuroo smiles at him, a patient smile. And now, he speaks to him as his friend, moving closer and lifting his hands to cup his face. “You’re going to be brilliant today.. you worked hard on your speech.. one step closer to what you want to achieve” Kenma looks up at his very tall bodyguard, his king’s soldier, and his most treasured, most precious friend. “You think so..? I know they’re trying to get me to marry one of those rich brats” “You’re a rich brat- you’ll have a lot in common” That earns Kuroo a smack right across his chest- and excited giggles from both young men fills the room. “That princess you fancy will be here, maybe you should sit with her- I’m sure you can guard me with your hand up her skirt-“ “EHH?? MY HAND WILL BE ON MY DAGGER-“ Kenma laughs once, “Bet it will be..” A frown from Kuroo, who thinks this joke was getting rather old, and Kenma takes the hint to drop it. He shrugs his shoulders, reaching for the princely crown to place it atop his head, and looks at Kuroo, “You’re going to be dressed like that..?” “Kenma I’m your guard- I have to be dressed like this” “Oh right-“ “See, rich brat” The prince grins at him then, “See.. this is my friend.. not that ‘your highness may I kiss your feet’ man you have to pretend to be outside of here” He walks up to him then, and pats his cheek softly, dragging his hand down the front of his plain grey tunic- very form fitting on Kuroo, “Shall we..?” The other man nods at him, though he wishes secretly to never leave- to have his hand on his chest the rest of the evening. But that was selfish of him. He couldn’t keep him long. “Yes.. it’ll be over soon, please don’t spill your wine on anyone and blame it on your low tolerance to alcohol- you’re a horrible liar-“ “You remember his face last year? HA- stupid mustached basta-“ “Kenma..”
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MORE ABOUT MY NEXT GEN BABIES. 
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Adelaide ‘Addy’ Maeve Coleman - daughter of Zara & Danny. 
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- scars to your beautiful - alessia cara   - july 1st, cancer  - actress, studying at diamond bridge (LA) - bisexual with no preference, single  - esfp, hufflepuff  - raised in lilac heights in zara & danny’s home they live in now  - ditzy, naive, energetic but also sensitive and insecure. she has a tendency to let herself be walked all over by friends and lovers. she also lacks the confidence to really accept that she has talent and is capable of doing things.  - she was painfully desperate to be one of the popular girls in high school, to the point where she would let her “friends” treat her like dirt. even though she’s now in college, the effects of the underhand bullying stay with her and it makes her very reluctant to trust and open up to new people.
Allison ‘Ally’ Marie Cortes-Smith - daughter of Adrian & Holly. 
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- seven - sleeping at last - august 13th, leo  - model & athletics (surfing, figure skating & dance), studying at gold coast (australia)  - heterosexual, dating brett jackson - entp, gryffindor  - raised in violet springs (?), in her family home with adrian and holly - energetic, outgoing, adventurous but also explosive and stubborn. ally is constantly looking for family-like connections away from holly, adrian and haley. she craves feeling like somebody’s first choice because - particularly with holly - she felt like the back-up plan until she got custody of haley. she has one song about her, whereas haley has enough for an EP of music with holly worshipping her and she’s just always felt that subtle favouritism in her household.  - from an early age, she’s sought out love in all of the wrong places but is currently in a good place with brett, who is definitely her safety net. she’d be lying if she said living in australia made her homesick. 
Aurora Faith Kingsley - daughter of Soraya & Julian.
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- boss bitch - doja cat  - january 17th, capricorn  - fashion designer, studying at rosewell (paris)  - heterosexual, bisexual dating peter romano  - entj, slytherin  - raised in violet springs (?), in her family home with soraya and julian. she definitely has a dual-citizenship like soraya, though, and often spends summers in cuba with her grandparents.  - outspoken, confident, witty but also explosive, judgemental and harsh. aurora was definitely spoilt with love when being raised by her parents; both soraya and julian doted on her in different ways, and while she knows the value of materialistic things, she’s not entirely used to not getting her own way or not having people adore her. that being said, she’s a fiercely loyal friend and shows the love she was given when she was younger to people she thinks deserve it. - aurora’s expectations and standards are impressively high and she’ll always credit her parents, who always modelled a healthy and secure relationship to her. she doesn’t take it for granted & always strives to find people who treat her the same way julian treats soraya.
Belle Cynthia Carmichael - Daughter of Anastasia 
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- donatella - lady gaga  - november 3rd, scorpio  - dancing & modelling, studying in west ivys (london)  - heterosexual, single  - esfp, slytherin  - raised partially in los angeles and also in lilac heights with anastasia and her father (divorced) as well as her older sister, darcy.  - aesthetic, good-humoured, magnetic but also irresponsible, self-indulgent and superficial. belle is the baby of the family and took a shine to the socialite los angles lifestyle from around 12 years old. she’s a big spender, loves the night life of any big city and is a BIG fan of the attention that being a rising star brings her. unlike her sister, who’s a lot more lowkey, belle demands attention and will do anything to get her own way in any situation. - everyone was expecting anastasia and ryder to split from their (what would have been) their fifteen year marriage. everybody except belle and darcy, anyway. the girls were caught off-guard and it wasn’t easy. belle had the most extreme reaction, becoming very emotional and self-indulgent. her way of dealing with it has been to do everything in her power to go against anything either of her parents ask of her; she’s definitely out of control.
Daisy Louise Romano, daughter of Florence & Dominic. (tw: cancer) 
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- style - taylor swift  - may 22nd, gemini  - dance, studying at liberty (new york city)  - heterosexual, single   - isfp, gryffindor  - raised in violet springs (?) in dom and florence’s family home, but i imagine they have a family home in italy because of dominic’s roots too. florence and dom spend a lot of time in italy in general, so it’d make sense.  - creative, friendy, warmhearted but also over-protected, nervous and idealistic. daisy is the only daughter in her family and it definitely shows. on top of dominic, she also has carter and peter who have kept a close eye on her growing up and has definitely been protected from things other girls her age may have learnt to deal with themselves, or without as much back-up. rather than rebelling against it, she’s very comfortable & probably relies on her brothers - especially peter - for more than she should. she’s very rooted in family and while she’s a hopeless romantic and loves flirting, going on adventures and seeing the world, her heart is with her family. - daisy’s pre-teen years were snatched away by the fact that she was diagnosed with cancer. she spent three years of what would’ve been her high school life in hospital and was far too weak to dance or do anything she usually did. she was put into remission at 15 and was cancer free for three years before it made a return, now she’s nineteen (pushing 20), she’s once again in remission but her anxiety and trauma from the sickness are very much alive.
Darcy Briar Carmichael - daughter of Anastasia. 
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- nothing breaks like a heart - miley cyrus  - february 27th, pisces  - modelling, studying at st judes (violet springs)  - bisexual, single - infp, ravenclaw - raised partially in los angeles and also in lilac heights with anastasia and her father (divorced) as well as her older sister, darcy. - patient, imaginative, loyal but also argumentative, guarded and defensive. darcy has always been wise beyond her years in the sense that she’s mature and has a responsible head on her shoulders. anastasia used to worry that she wouldn’t enjoy her early twenties/teen years in the same way everybody else seemed to, but it just never appealed to her - she preferred to lose herself in art, reading and individual activities rather than going out to huge parties and festivals like her sister. she’s quietly confident and is happy to be seen as the ‘boring’ one if it means not having to be forced to sit at social events she’d rather not be a part of.  - darcy’s confidence was knocked by her parent’s divorce. it actually ruined her application to blossom bell academy - where she wanted to go and do art and photography. she was unorganised and just a mess in general, so she knew she’d get rejected. st judes, her second choice, also rejected her art portfolio but because of her looks, offered her a modelling position. she figured it was better than nothing but it’s never been her passion. only now is she starting to feel inferior in comparison to her little sister.
Dixie Gisele Carmichael - daughter of Disney and Brody. 
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- god is a woman - ariana grande  - october 1st, libra  - fashion design, studying at rosewell (paris) - heterosexual, single  - estj, slytherin  - raised in new york but spends the summers in france & christmas in violet springs to be close to grandparents  - confident, hard-working, charming but manipulative, calculated and jealous. dixie has grown up in the spotlight due to being the child of arguably the most famous couple to come out of st judes in her parents era. she’s very used to it and it’s something she’s numb too. however, unlike her sister, who seems to just get things a whole lot easier than dixie, she has clawed her way to the top of everything she has, not caring who she scratches on the way up; being the most popular, young socialite on the upper east side, her fashion career and everything else are things she’s had to fight for out of the threat of otherwise being branded as ‘fleur’s twin.’ she holds herself and others at a viciously high standard. she’s been on dates and enjoyed attention from guys but she hasn’t slept with anybody and has never had a boyfriend; it’s not something she hides either. her main goal right now is to become the best designer there is, and she’s proven that she’ll stop at nothing to get there. - while at gallagher high school, fleur was already booking modelling jobs and becoming the more successful of the twins. dixie resented it. she couldn’t stand feeling inferior or lesser than and wasn’t happy for her sister at all. quite the opposite. the two of them applied for rosewell but unfortunately for fleur, when their acceptance letters came through, she was out at new york fashion week, leaving dixie to reject her offer and forge a fake one telling her she’d been rejected....and she’d do it again.
Dylan Samuel Powell - son of Janey. 
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- fine line - harry styles  - february 15th, aquarius  - photographer, studies at west ivys (london)  - heterosexual, dating lily  - infj, hufflepuff  - raised in sweden until he was thirteen, and then moved to violet springs to be closer to his family with janey.  - patient, practical and compassionate but over-protective, nervous and sensitive. dylan had a quiet childhood. when janey graduated from west ivy’s, she moved out to a rural part of sweden where she started a new. her life consisted of writing and exploring until she had dylan with a man who’s no longer in the picture. dylan fell into janey’s lifestyle too; quiet, peaceful and creative. he enjoyed it for the most part, but the trauma of janey’s experiences definitely became his too. he grew up seeing his mother have anxiety attacks in public or not want to leave the house if she had a feeling she was being watched. in many ways, dylan became the parent. he was the one who made his mother feel safe. he was the protector. he never really understood until he finally met his grandparents at 15 and was told exactly why janey was the way she was. this only brought out an even more protective side of him, after having his eyes opened to how disgusting the world can be. - dylan was reluctant to study anywhere too far away from janey, but she pushed him to branch out at least a little, because she has a lot of guilt about holding him back for al of these years. 
Emmett Charles Hamilton - son of Imogen & Nate. 
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- go stupid - polo g  - april 12th, aries  - actor, studying at st judes (violet springs)  - heterosexual, single  - entp, slytherin  - raised in london (south kensington) with imogen and has always been a city boy. he’s your typical private school kid; his father has been out of the picture only for a few months but it hasn’t had much effect. his younger brother, ethan, chose to move in with nate while he stuck with imogen. - intelligent, intuitive, social but lazy, restless and unmotivated. out of emmett and ethan, emmett definitely takes the crown for the family disappointment. his brother’s childhood was full of sports trophies, A*’s on report cards and being at the top of the social hierachy. emmett, on the other hand, would’ve happily lived in his parent’s loft and never seen the light of the day if he could. he did pretty wel in school and had al of the potential, but a life of getting high and falling back on to his trust fund seemed way more appealing. imogen was more willing to let him coast through life (being from wealth herself), whereas nate was always pushing him to go out and make something of himself, meaning naturally he prefers his mother.  - emmett is in the process of burning through his trustfund. he’s impulsive and careless and without proper guidance, will soon find himself with nothing. he has no respect for his dad - who is the stricter parent - and thinks he’s invincible. 
Jay Alexander Hamilton -  son of Park. 
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- tonight you’re perfect - new politics  - september 17th, virgo  - athlete, liberty academy  - heterosexual, seeing sylvia(?)  - enfj, ravenclaw   - raised partially in the canary islands with his dad, running their hotel, but also in violet springs with his grandparents.  - friendly, ambitious, a deep thinker but also impatient, overly-critical and a perfectionist. jay was brought up on the canary islands with his father after losing his mother when he was eight. constantly being at the beach, the hotel and new people, he’s a social person with an active imagination and is always on the go. he’s both book and street smart but can at times hold himself to impossible standards; he definitely gets his perfectionist streak from his aunt. the loss of his mum has hurt him, but he buries his feelings as much as possible to avoid talking about them. jay’s always fit in with popular crowds seamlessly and it’s exactly the same story for liberty academy. - jay has already shown huge potential at liberty academy and has been given attention that first years usually don’t get. he’s currently dealing with the end of a friendship with ethan, though, his best friend for many years. it’s lowkey weighing on him but he’d never show that it effects him.
Kai Arden Powell - son of Louis & Lexi. 
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- fireflies, owl city  - march 3rd, pisces  -  writer and actor, studying at willow house (cardiff)  - heterosexual, dating sofia  - infj, ravenclaw  - raised in violet springs (?) with louis and lexi, close to his family with good connections to both sides.  - imaginative, selfless, creative but pessimistic, self-pitying and emotional. kai is the perfect example of a high achieving burn-out. all through his school life, he boasted great grades and came at the top of the class for most things, but as the years went on, he lost momentum and started to rest on his abilities. while everybody else levelled up and got better, he declined and started to slowly stop caring about his academic achievements. he was more concerned with the social side and fitting in with people who really didn’t care much about him. when it came to college admissions, he was already failing many classes and got rejected from everywhere besides willow house. he hates it and refuses to even try to enjoy it. - sofia is his lifeline, at the moment. she’s trying to get her dad, wesley, to negotiate with people at st judes to get him a space, but it isn’t necessarily going to work. especially if kai can’t get his grades up and apply himself to his writing and acting seriously. 
Charlotte ‘Lottie’ Bradford - daughter of Drew & Annabel.
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- first man, camila cabello -  june 30th, cancer  - singer-songwriter & musician, studying liberty academy (new york)  - enfp, ravenclaw  - raised with drew & annabel as an only child  - romantic, loving, protective and sympathetic but touchy, defensive and an overthinker. lottie grew up with both of her parents and spent a lot of time on the road with drew when he was touring. she’s used to big crowds, music and moving around a lot but grew up very attached to her mother, annabel, she’s her favourite person in the entire world and everything she does is to make her proud.  - lottie ended up dropping out of high school to go to a stage school in london when drew stopped touring; she was around 14, but eventually got homesick and returned, spending her last few years at springs park high before she got accepted into liberty. she’s really set on making memories and doing her absolute best in music - but she’s prone to falling in love with people and getting extremely distracted.
Sullivan Rosini - son of Ruby.
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- song undecided  -  14th may, taurus  - actor & singer (vc: frank ocean)  - esfj, gryffindor  - raised by ruby  - independent, humanitarian and sociable but also head-strong, stubborn and judgemental. sullivan was adopted by ruby when he was seven and settled very quickly into the family home. since around 12 years old, he’s been an activist and had a huge presence online for animal rights. he’s been arrested multiple time at different protests and it gives ruby the most anxiety but she’s also very proud of him. 
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wherespaulo · 3 years
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Hiking in Galicia, Spain
August 12-23, 2021
I blame it on Ramon – who’d inexplicably told me his name was Joseph when we first met. An affable and mysterious Galician who cracked me up on my 2019 hike from Seville to Santiago de Compostela without speaking a word of English. Short dark hair, mustached, 50’s with slight paunch, he somehow communicated his passion for his Celtic homeland by waving his arms and with a fast Spanish dialect that I didn’t understand a word of – all emanating from a cloud of smoke generated by his never-ending supply of cigarettes.
So here I was once again in the least known yet oldest of the Celtic regions, surrounded by Santiago de Compostela’s splendid ancient architecture and ready to explore Ramon’s homeland by hiking the Camino’s Ingles over three days (47 miles reverse alternative route from Santiago to A Caruna) and Dos Faros over eight days (122 miles Malpica to Finisterre).
The Camino Ingles, which originated in the 11th century when many English pilgrims arrived by sea prior to their onward trek to Santiago de Compostela and the tomb of St James, would take me to the coast, while the Camino Dos Faros, a newly established route, would take me along the Costa da Morte coastline in a westerly direction.
I would navigate using a combination of guide books (John Brierley’s guide to the Camino Ingles and John Hayes’ guide to the Camino Dos Faros), way markers (yellow arrows on the Ingles and green arrows on the Dos Faros), and electronic maps (AllTrails) and have my luggage transferred between my accommodations (small hotels) so that I only needed to carry a day pack.    
As always, for me this would be an inner journey just as much as a geographical one – all part of a much longer Odyssean journey. The four winds had been loosed from the cobblers bag years ago and I needed to find my way home. We all need to walk slowly in the rivers of our truth to find that place where we might belong, wherever or whatever that might be. Don’t we? “Seek and ye shall find” I used to say to my kids – and they always did. The trick is knowing something’s lost in the first place.
Most pilgrims I’ve met on the various Camino trails are searching for something. I met Enrique and Diego on a closed off section of the Dos Faros just after the beautiful estuary town of Ponte do Porto – clearly all like-minded rebels, we decided to ignore the ‘no-entry’ sign and plough on together. Diego, 60’s, with a bald head as brown as a nut, spoke no English and moved with a fast pace, head down, rudimentary wooden staff in hand – with silent determination he kept his inner journey firmly to himself. Enrique on the other hand, 50’s and wiry from Andalusia, shared his hopes and fears using good English learned over 13 years in the UK as a guide dog trainer. Recently divorced, he was clearly still processing what this meant for his future, now a blank canvas.
Jaime, 50, needed to borrow my phone at the Nariga Lighthouse to organize his taxi pick-up from Praia de Ninons since his signal had vanished amongst the coastal headlands. We walked together to Ninons, communicating via my Google Translate app – an excellent tool but for some reason was stumped by my English – New York hybrid accent, interpreting half my words incorrectly. Desperate to leave the failing custom signs business he ran with his brother in Valencia, his inner journey was to finally make this difficult decision.  
While back in Santiago before returning to New York I visited one of my favorite restaurants, Garigolo, situated close to the Atalaia B&B where I regularly stay. As with other restaurants and small hotels I’d visited on this trip, many owners seemed slightly shell shocked after the Covid pandemic experience, seemingly fearful of what else might be careering towards them. I felt a spiritual connection with the owner and told her I’d be back again soon -- she presented me with a four-leaf clover she’d recently picked and I was grateful for its magical protection.
On the Ingles between Sigueiro and Hospital de Bruma I entered a dark tunnel of dense woodland where it seemed the trees were in cahoots, suspicious, whispering -- until I realized it was the pitter patter of raindrops on the leaf canopy. A sun shower out of a crystal clear azure blue sky? There was clearly magic about in these woods. Was something trying to warn me that I was going in the wrong direction? As in life, I’ve generally preferred the road less traveled. It seemed as though I was the only person going in the reverse direction here, just as in 2018 on the Scottish Southern Uplands Way the locals were aghast to see me walking west into the prevailing winds. It all reminded me of my youngest son, Alex, who for many years insisted on putting on his pajama top inside out – the apple didn’t fall far from the tree there!
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Between the Ingles and Dos Faros I stayed in A Caruna for two nights over a weekend. It was the Festas de Maria Pita so during the evenings the warren of streets were packed with thousands of outdoor diners sampling the local food. I’ve never seen so many people eating within half a square mile where the incredible mix of aromas together with the cacophony of sights and sounds of so many convivial Galicians were a welcome onslaught to the senses after so much solitude.
The tranquil coastline of the aptly named Coste da Morte on the Dos Faros belies its treacherous nature.
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The English Cemetery at Punta do Boi where hundreds of British sailors are buried is testament to this -- drowned in the 1800’s after running aground on the many hidden reefs. Many lighthouses (faros) were built over the years to counter this trend.
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In the end I had to cut the Dos Faros hike short by ending at Lires rather than Finisterre since I needed to get back to Santiago early to get my covid test in time for traveling back to the US. That was ok since Lires, a small village set into a beautiful estuary, has a special place in my heart after getting lost on my way there from Finisterre last year.
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Don’t you think it’s interesting that something seems more precious when you’ve had to search for it? But perhaps it’s the journey of getting lost that’s more important than what you find?
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redrobinhoood · 3 years
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Now where did that come from? | Whumptober2020
Internal Organ Injury
TW: Character Death, Graphic Descriptions, Blood
Summary: Cody tells Rex of a new Separatist weapon. Later, Rex comes face to face with it.
AO3 Link | Whumptober Index 
Rex slipped into the briefing room, hoping that his absence had yet to be noted. He would’ve been more informed if a certain general hadn’t wanted Rex’s last-minute advice on strategy. Not that Rex didn’t want to discuss how they were going to win, but he’d rather have done it before the men were assembling to leave.
“… The Seppies have been rolling out a new experimental detonator.” Cody held out a holoprojector in his hand with the image of a smooth, metal cube with a set of eyes on each face. “Droid circuitry, if it recognizes you it will detonate.” The image in his hand changed to the beginning of the explosion. “This device is designed to send out shrapnel in a ten-meter radius on each side. If you are within ten meters of this device when it explodes, you will die, and it will hurt the entire time you are dying. Am I clear?”
Good, Rex hadn’t missed the fun part of the briefing after all.
“Sir, yes, sir!” The chorus of voices rang out.
Cody nodded and the hologram disappeared. “Dismissed. Prep your gear, we set out in five.”
Rex waited for the gathered men to clear the room before he approached Cody, who had gathered the 501st and 212th medics around him. “…I know what I’m asking you to do is difficult at best, but you can’t place yourself in a vulnerable position for these men. If you can ease their passing, then do so, but this bomb was designed to leave no survivors.” Cody looked over to meet Rex’s gaze then turned back to the small group around him. “Keep yourselves alive.”
The medics nodded and dispersed, allowing Rex to approach Cody. “You’re not fooling around today, Codes.”
Cody shook his head with a sigh. “I shadowed General Kenobi to a test site for these things. I nearly lost my lunch. Some men are going to die a very painful death today.”
“They do every day.” Rex clapped his hand against Cody’s shoulder. “Come, the generals will be looking for us.”
For a moment, a feeling of dread washed over Rex. Then it was gone, and he and Cody began to slowly make their way over to their generals.
---
“Stop!”
Rex heard Cody’s shout ring out across the battlefield and turned to see his friend running towards a shiny. Then there were two explosions, one much closer than the other, and Rex fell to the ground as dirt rained over him. When he pushed himself back to his feet there was no sign of Cody or the shiny where they had stood.
Fighting down panic, Rex began to push forward towards their last position. He scrambled over the crest of a small hill to see Cody lying at the bottom of the slope. The shiny’s body lay further away, the white armor completely bloodied and still. Rex slid down the slope to Cody’s side, kneeling beside him and removing both of their helmets as he took Cody’s body in. He wished he hadn’t. Rex had seen the inside of his own chest spilling out onto the battlefield from the bodies of his brothers before, but he’d never imagined he would see Cody’s. Rex reached down before he hesitated, his hand hovering over the mass of ruined flesh and organs that had been shredded with broken plastoid and shrapnel. A few of Cody’s ribs had been broken. Rex tore his eyes away.
“The shiny.” Cody whimpered. “Did he…?”
Rex reached for Cody’s hands and squeezed them tight between his. “He’s okay. You took the worst of the blast.”
“Good.” The word gurgled in Cody’s throat and Rex placed a hand behind Cody’s neck, bringing his head forward so he could spit out the blood that was pooling in his mouth.
“Let me get a medic.”
“No! No. Please, stay.”
“Cody, I can’t help you.”
Cody smiled through bloody teeth up at Rex. “Just talk to me, please.”
Rex nodded even as a tear slid down his cheek. “I’ve been thinking about Kamino a lot lately. Do you remember when we used to go sit on the roof of the training facility? I miss those times. We’d go up there at night and talk about what we thought the Jedi would be like when they came for us.”
Cody made a weak gurgling noise. Rex couldn’t tell if it was in response to him or to the pain, or if it was Cody’s body fighting to stay alive as long as it could.
“Remember how we thought that they would be serious warriors? No nonsense types who had all the answers? How wrong we were. And I am so glad that we were wrong.”
Cody’s eyelids were beginning to flutter. His body shook as it tried to take in a deep breath. The attempt ended before it began with a great sucking noise and he was thrown into a weak coughing fit that left bubbles of red froth on his lips.
Rex leaned down and pressed his forehead to Cody’s. “Rest, brother.”
“Stay?” Cody’s request was barely a whisper, muffled by the thick blood that sat between his lungs and his lips.
Rex raised his head to meet Cody’s gaze. “Til the very end.” Rex slid his arm under Cody’s neck and pressed their heads together once more, supporting Cody’s head with his arm. With his other hand he squeezed Cody’s hands firmly. “Rest.”
Rex listened to the wet, sucking rattle of Cody’s breathing for a few seconds before he began to hum. He didn’t know the name of the song he was humming, nor what the lyrics were, but he did know the story. A soldier asking for a final dancing song before he went to war. He had heard Cody sing it before, back on Kamino and during the war. He wished now that he’d asked for the name.
He didn’t know when Cody had died or how long it had taken. Rex only knew that there was a moment when he stopped humming to breathe and was met with the sound of silence. He waited with bated breath to hear any signs of life in his brother, in his friend, but found none. Rex made a strangled noise as he tried to bite back a sob. He was still in the middle of a battle. He didn’t care. Keeping his head pressed against Cody’s, he wept, allowing his chest to rise and fall in great sobs. Let the droids find him, let them kill him.
Rex didn’t know how long he had knelt over Cody’s body, only that when the sobs began to subside, the sounds of battle were fading. It sounded like the Republic had won. Rex would not be executed by the droids today. He let go of Cody’s hands and sat up, ignoring the ache in his back as he took in Cody’s face for the last time. He ran a finger over Cody’s scar before he leaned over once more and planted a light kiss against Cody’s forehead. He remembered the time that Cody had done the same for him. Rex had come to him with a newly painted helmet with jaig eyes and Cody had brought their foreheads together before planting a light kiss on Rex’s. That had been the last time that they had truly been happy.
Rex slowly rose to his feet, and put his helmet back on, hiding the tear tracks that stained his cheeks. He knelt over one last time to take Cody’s helmet from the soil and tucked it under his arm. Later, he would ask for a piece of Cody’s armor to blend with his own. But, now, Rex slowly turned away from his brother’s body and began to walk back to the Republic.
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erin-bo-berin · 4 years
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Darkest Storms & Brightest Rainbows (Part 2)
MASTERLIST
Part 1
Part 3
Hard Love (unofficial Part 4)
Since I couldn’t leave y’all hanging for too long, here is part 2 of my Spencer/Reader/Cat fic. This is where things kind of go in a different direction from the show, but I thought it would be a nice twist than what we know from the show. This takes place over about a year so that’s why there’s so many skips in time. But in this part, there’s some answered questions from the first part...only to be replaced with more unanswered questions and perhaps another cliffhanger. Happy reading!
Spencer Reid/Reader
Word Count: 4,168
Rating: G (some angst, some fluff)
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Grief is a strange thing.
Some people grieve quietly, away from the public. Others, dive into work or another activity to keep their mind busy as they try to place that grief into something else. Occasionally, people skip grief and go straight to anger, questioning the world why they lost their loved one; but in most cases one grieves normally, keeping the person alive in their memories as the pain fades and becomes easier to live with.
But sometimes, grief can consume you. It can completely engulf your entire body, feeling like every cell of your being has been replaced with sorrow. The world doesn’t seem real as the only world you inhabit is the one inside you, filled with despair and sadness. No one could ever be able to describe it, no one could truly know how awful it feels.
You had never felt such a horrible feeling. At least not until now.
It was less than a week later that Spencer’s funeral was held. The amount of people that had shown up was astounding, not that you could blame them. Spencer truly was one of a kind; not only great at his work, but a wonderful person.
You couldn’t help but think the sea of black that surrounded his casket was a metaphor for your current emotional state. The world felt dulled by your pain. 
With nowhere else to go, you were forced to stay at Spencer’s apartment, a blessing and a curse in one.
The dark green walls, the deep brown furniture, the living room filled with shelves and shelves of his books were both comforting and painful at the same time. You couldn’t help but notice just how quiet the entire place felt without him to fill the atmosphere with his knowledge and loving nature.
Almost immediately after the funeral, you took to staying in bed. The deep brown sheets still smelled like him and you didn’t want to leave. You just wanted to stay in this little bubble forever.
 The scenery was filled with busy streets, people walking by on the sidewalk and cars and buses zooming past on the street.
He sat at an outdoor table of the small café, sipping his coffee, awaiting his company. It wasn’t long until he spotted her amongst the crowd of pedestrians, her long blonde ponytail swinging as she walked.
“Hey,” she sat down across from him.
“Coffee?” he offered.
“No thanks.”
She pulled out two manila envelopes, ready to get down to business. 
“In here is the information you need to access both of your bank accounts. One here in Moscow, the other in St. Petersburg. Both have enough in them for you to be comfortable while you lay low.”
“Alright,” he took both envelopes and put them in his bag for safe keeping.
“Are you doing okay?”
“I’ll be fine. How is she?”
She blew out a breath, not sure she could tell him just how bad it was.
“Not good.”
“Promise me one thing, okay?”
“What’s that?” she asked.
“Take care of her while I’m gone. Please, JJ, that’s all I ask.”
She nodded, moving to stand.
“Be careful, Spence.”
It’d been only a month. 30 days since you’d heard the terrible words “Spencer’s gone”.
You couldn’t wrap your mind around the fact that he never made it off the operating table. The bullet had just been too hard to find, there was too much blood, he was crashing too fast.
At least that’s all you could remember being told by the doctors, the numerous members of the BAU and other people you couldn’t remember. It was like the entire experience had been wiped clean from your mind, only bits and pieces of memory flashing here and there.
Your mental health had taken a nosedive. You barely left bed because all you wanted to do was sleep. You ended up losing your job, but you didn’t have enough energy in you to even care. 
You didn’t eat.
You barely managed to get out of bed for a shower. Somehow you stumbled to the shower maybe once a week and that was because your friends made you.
It had been a rotating crew of the team visiting you. 
Mostly it was Penelope, Emily and JJ, but Rossi, Morgan and Tara stopped by a few times too.
Even Hotch showed up.
You could tell just how much your misery bothered him and he, like Morgan, spent his time trying to make things right rather than pay you visits.
Not that you cared all that much.
“We will catch her,” Emily said.
You sat in the middle of the bed, one of the brown sheets in your hand as you played with it, not looking up at your company that was sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Spencer wouldn’t want this for you. He wouldn’t want to see you not able to leave bed, not being able to grieve properly,” she said gently.
“I don’t know what Spencer would want. Cause he’s not here, is he?!” Your lower lip trembled, tears threatening again.
“I’m sorry,” you apologized, brushing away the tears although it did no good since they were falling faster than you could wipe them away.
“It’s okay, I understand.” Emily pulled you into a hug, “We all miss him too.”
She let you cry until you felt completely drained of tears. With all the crying you’d done, you were amazed there were still tears left to shed.
“Have you eaten anything today?” She pulled back, looking at your face.
“I tried to eat some toast this morning, but I threw it up.”
“It’s probably because you haven’t eaten much,” Emily answered, “Do you want me to get you something? We could order a pizza?”
You shake your head, your stomach rolling at the thought of it.
“Thank you, but no.”
When Emily left ten minutes later, you crawled back into bed, shutting your eyes, willing sleep to come and rob you of your memories.
“We should tell her.”
“Garcia, no. You know that Hotch advised against it,” Morgan said.
“But she’s miserable,” Emily added.
“Guys, Spencer made us promise we wouldn’t tell her. It’s safer that way. If she knows he’s alive, Cat could come after her to get to him. That’s the last thing he wants,” JJ said.
“I was just over there last night and took her some food. I thought she was going to puke just looking at it. It’s like she’s wasting away to nothing,” Penelope frowned, “Literally and figuratively.”
“Reid was basically all she had, other than us. With no family left, we’re all she has,” Rossi jumped in.
“That’s why we’re not going to give up on her, okay? Or finding Cat,” JJ said, looking around at the other teammates, “We’re going to find this bitch if it’s the last thing we do.”
The next time you had company, you were too busy with your head in the toilet to hear anyone let themselves in.
“Oh my goodness, honey.”
You hear the distant voice of Penelope Garcia as she rushed into the bathroom, kneeling to rub your back as you retched again.
“Did you eat something bad?”
“I haven’t eaten anything for 48 hours. I’m amazed there’s anything left in me to throw up,” you groaned.
“How about I make you some of my infamous Garcia chicken noodle soup?”
You nodded, even though your appetite was nearly nonexistent and let her assist you back to the bedroom.
“You look horrible,” Garcia winced, “Sounds like you’ve caught a nasty bug.”
You pulled the sheets up over you as you laid back down.
“Tell me about it. All I want to do is sleep but I can’t for throwing up. Plus I guess I’m starting my period cause my boobs hurt like hell.”
“Oh that’s the wor-” she paused mid sentence and you look up at her, waiting for her to continue.
“I’ll be back in a little bit okay? You just rest and I’ll get that soup started.”
She dashed out of the room and you peered after her, too exhausted to question what was wrong. Soon after, you drifted off.
-
“JJ, Y/N’s throwing up, exhausted and her boobs hurt doesn’t that sound just like…?”
Penelope was pacing the length of the kitchen, which wasn’t very big to begin with, as she talked to JJ on her phone.
“Yeah, it does,” JJ agreed.
“Should I ask her or?”
“Give me an hour to grab Emily and we’ll be there.”
“Y/N?”
In your dream, you woke to Spencer shaking you gently, smiling sweetly down at you. Your heart swelled with love for him, just looking up at him. You reached out to touch him, when he called your name again. Only it wasn’t coming from him this time.
“Y/N? Y/N?”
You felt a gentle shake of your shoulder and your eyes opened to see JJ, Emily and Penelope surrounding you. You sat up, rubbing your eyes, confused.
“What’s going on?”
“Garcia called and told us you’ve been pretty sick lately,” Emily said, “I remember you said you were sick the last time I visited. How long have you been throwing up?”
You shrugged, “It’s been off and on for a few weeks. Why?”
The three exchanged a look before turning back to you.
“When was your last period?” JJ questioned.
“Oh, uh,” you stopped to think, realizing you’d been so consumed with grief you hadn’t even registered the absence of your monthly cycle.
“About two months before the hitmen case.” Your eyes widened at the realization.
That was over 3 months ago now. Then, you’d just assumed it was stress making you skip your periods.
“Could you be pregnant?” Garcia gasped, trying hard to suppress her grin.
“I...I don’t know,” you answered truthfully.
You couldn’t remember the last time you and Spencer had been intimate. The last few months of his life had been so busy, filled with cases that usually it was just a matter of being together when you had a spare moment.
“Don’t worry. That’s why we brought these.”
JJ held up a bag with three different pregnancy tests.
“One for each of us to check,” Emily added.
“Now why don’t you go take these and go take a shower. We can check them after you get out,” Garcia said.
You nodded, obeying their orders. 
After a quick shower, you stood in fresh clothes, your hair still dripping wet. The three women stood looking at the pregnancy tests you’d taken and left out.
“Well?” you asked, biting your thumbnail.
“Positive,” JJ answered.
Emily looked up from hers, “Positive.”
“Positive!” Garcia squeaked, bouncing on her feet.
You felt your mouth drop in utter surprise and wonder, your heart feeling lighter than it had in weeks.
“I’m...pregnant?” you whispered, tears forming in your eyes, a small smile on your face.
“You’re pregnant!” Garcia squealed, rushing over to hug you, the other two joining in on the group hug.
For once, your tears were tears of joy. There was a part of Spencer that would always live on through this baby.
You had a reason to live again; a tiny, growing reason, but a reason nonetheless.
The following weeks were less than desirable in your opinion.
After being forced to visit the hospital by your friends and having an examination by Derek’s fiancé Savannah, you discovered that you were severely dehydrated from your weeks of grieving.
You couldn’t help but feel guilty knowing you’d deprived your little one of the food and nutrients it needed to grow. Savannah—who happened to be close to delivering her and Morgan’s first child—had assured you that after some fluids from a couple of IVs you would be fine. All you had to do from here was to continue to eat properly and take your prenatals and the little one would be just fine.
“This is what you get to look forward to,” she’d  chuckled, rubbing a hand over her round 35 week pregnant belly.
You had found out that you were 12 weeks along, just a week shy of your second trimester. Unfortunately, you had still experienced morning sickness all day long and still only looked bloated, not pregnant.
But time passed quickly.
Four months turned into six. Six turned into eight. There were many changes that happened around you besides the growing human inside of you.
The search for Cat continued, the team working their asses off to find her, but with no luck nor leads.
Changes to the team happened too.
Derek Morgan retired from the FBI, wanting to be with his now wife, Savannah and his little boy Hank. You’d sent him off tearfully. He was one of Spencer’s best friends, one that you had become close with too over the years, but you knew he was going to be the best dad.
A new member joined in his place, Luke Alvez. He had been familiar with Spencer as well and the team welcomed him into the family, as did you. 
Then Hotch decided his time with the FBI was coming to an end. After a particularly grueling case, he put in his resignation paperwork. He was happy to be a more involved father to his almost teenaged aged son, Jack. You wished him all the best, knowing he was going to have the time of his life with more time for Jack, even though it was hard to see him go.
Emily stepped up as the new unit chief and brought in agent Matt Simmons, another agent you were familiar with. A tall, handsome, hardworking sweetheart, you were glad to welcome him to the team as well.
The changes within you were just as extreme as the ones around you.
Your belly grew bigger, your little one stronger. You felt kicks and movement daily now, each move warming your heart, although you couldn’t help but wish quite often that Spencer was around to witness this. He would be so in love with this baby, you were sure of it.
You struggled with the decision to find out the sex of the baby. With a vote between you and your friends, it was a unanimous vote for yes.
Mere weeks after the discovery of your pregnancy you found out you were carrying a precious baby girl. You were completely overjoyed, as was the entire team. You couldn’t help but feel grateful for the team of people that would be loving extended members of the family and of course, babysitters. Occasionally though, the melancholy feeling would creep back into your subconscious.
Spencer would’ve been over the moon knowing he was going to have a little girl. He would’ve spoiled her so much and she would have him wrapped around her little finger. You missed him daily, even though a part of him grew in your belly. You couldn’t help but be sad for your little girl who would never have the chance to meet her amazing father.
It was then after many weeks of contemplating a name, that the perfect one came to you. You decided to keep it a secret until she was born, much to the team’s dismay, but you wanted it to be a surprise. In your heart though, you knew it was the perfect name for her. 
-
Your ninth month of pregnancy had finally arrived as did the other symptoms of your final trimester. You were tired, achy and felt like you’d swallowed a watermelon. You were so ready to get this baby out.
As if overnight, Spencer’s apartment had been filled with baby things in preparation for her arrival. Her crib was in the spare bedroom, although she wasn’t going to leave your side for the first few months, hence the bassinet next to the bed in the bedroom.
Bottles were lined up in the kitchen, boxes of diapers sitting in the living room. You couldn’t believe it was almost time to meet her; secretly you hoped that she took after her daddy, both in looks and personality.
“How are we feeling today, mama?” JJ asked when you met her and Garcia for your weekly lunch.
“Like a huge, swollen basketball,” you laughed.
“Hey princess, auntie Penelope can’t wait to meet you,” Garcia rubbed your belly, making you grin.
“Maybe you need to give her more pep talks because I’m so ready for her to get out,” you groaned, “And to see my feet again.”
“Henry and Michael are so excited for her to be born,” JJ chuckled, “I’m going to have to tell them to be gentle with her though, they’re not used to little girls.”
You grinned. You loved JJ’s two boys. Spencer had been their godfather, so you’d kind of become an auntie to them. She often brought them to visit you when you were still grieving Spencer’s death and they were the only ones who could bring a smile to your face during your darkest period.
After you’d found out you were pregnant and started rebuilding your life again, you often volunteered to babysit them. Other than your little girl, they were the ones who motivated you to begin healing and getting stronger. 
They got more excited the bigger your belly grew. Henry, the oldest would often try to explain to his younger brother Michael that babies came from mommy’s tummies. He also told him that there came a point when mommy and daddy loved them so much that there was no room left for the baby in the mommy’s belly. So, the baby had to come out in order to get the rest of that love. It warmed your heart knowing that one day, your child would be this big and this smart.
You were so thankful for them and for the entire team in general for pulling you out of the hole of despair you’d been in for you might not be sitting here right now.
When you’d ordered, the three of you sat and chatted about their current cases and baby stuff until you felt a slight trickle down your leg. With a glance under the table, you realized your pants were soaked. For a moment, you thought you’d peed yourself.
You groaned, expressing your concern. Even though that was just a symptom of pregnancy, it wasn’t any less embarrassing.
But the flow of the trickle became heavier. When JJ came around the table to assess the situation, her eyes widened, taking in your now soaked seat.
“I think your water just broke.”
A flurry of activity followed.
-
18 hours of labor and nearly 2 hours of pushing later, you were holding your daughter, staring at her in amazement.
Her tiny fist was holding onto your finger and you smiled down at her, tears blurring your vision. It was early yet, but you thought she looked just like Spencer.
She had a head of brown hair, his eye shape and his mouth, but your nose; although it looked much cuter on her.
“She’s so cute,” Garcia cooed at her, stroking her cheek.
“Spence would be so happy, Y/N,” JJ said.
You smiled up at them. They’d been the ones you’d requested to be in the delivery room and they’d been amazing helping you through the rough labor.
“Can I hold her?” 
“Of course,” you smiled, handing her to Penelope.
“Me next,” JJ smiled, holding her little hand.
“So are you gonna tell us her name now or what?” Garcia urged.
“Yes,” you smiled, “I thought it would be appropriate for her to always have a part of her daddy with her. So I decided to name her Spensa. Spensa Rose Reid.”
“That’s beautiful,” JJ breathed, looking down at her, “Hello, Spensa. You look just like your daddy.”
Adjusting to being a single mother was difficult, but so rewarding. It helped a ton that you had so many willing helping hands, as well.
Spensa was such a laid back baby and loved to be sociable, even at five months old. She truly was the light of your life.
You loved watching her grow and learn new things, from rolling over to waving and clapping her hands. She babbled a lot as well nowadays.
Her dark head of hair had lightened to a lighter shade of brown and was just starting to curl at the ends. Her blue eyes surprisingly hadn’t turned dark yet and she still looked so much like Spencer.
She had the little dimples in the side of her cheeks that only showed up when she made specific expressions and she liked to scrunch her nose occasionally, just like daddy. It was almost hard to tell that she was yours, but you didn’t mind one bit.
She was the sweetest baby and you fell in love with her more every day.
As to be expected, the entire team fell head over heels for her and often took turns visiting when they had time. Sometimes, you even took her to the BAU to visit all her aunts and uncles.
You often talked to her about Spencer, even though you knew she was too young to understand. It was amazing how the knowledge of her had eased so much of the grief you had felt those first few months. You still longed for him, missed him so much, but in a way he was alive and with you within Spensa.
It was nearing her bedtime one night and you were rocking her in the chair next to the crib.
“Do you want to hear another bedtime story about daddy?”
She baby talked in response, playing with her toy giraffe.
“Well, your daddy was the bravest man I know. He was so passionate about his work and he was good at it too. He was sweet as you are, ladybug.”
You tickled her stomach, smiling at her giggles.
She laid back in your arms, still playing with the toy in her arms, her gaze on you.
“He cared so much about the people he loved. He would have loved you too munchkin. He loved kids so much and he wanted his own some day. I wish he could be here to see you.”
The tears choked you and you wiped a hand over your face as they fell. Spensa started fussing as if she could sense your sadness.
“It’s okay baby,” you repositioned her on your lap, reaching for the frame of you and Spencer on her dresser.
“You wanna say goodnight to daddy?”
Spensa babbled to the picture, putting her hand on it. 
It might have seemed silly to do such a thing every night, but you never wanted her to not know who Spencer was.
You kissed the top of her head.
“I love you, Spensa.”
In Moscow, it was a pretty standard day for Spencer. 
He had managed to set a pretty strict schedule in his time here. It had been nearly a year and he had gotten used to life in Moscow. He still worried daily about his girlfriend though, worrying for your safety.
It was Thursday evening, the usual time he went to the market, yet when he returned to his place, something felt off.
On the entrance table, there was a lone red rose and a note. His eyes scanned over the note.
Roses are red
Violets are blue 
I have a surprise
And a secret too
Love,
Cat
He automatically reached for his gun that he carried at all times, just underneath his pant leg, in an ankle holster.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” came the taunting, familiar voice from behind him.
He turned around to face the living room and saw Cat sitting in one of the arm chairs, her gun on the arm.
“Spencie,” she grinned, “Miss me?”
It was just after nine. Spensa had just been put down again after her 8 o’clock feeding and you were attempting to rinse some dishes off before you headed to bed.
The tv played in the living room and you turned, confused when you no longer heard any sound coming from it. You shrugged it off, chalking it up to a possible power outage.
You returned to the dirty dishes, the clinking plates masking the noise of the sliding porch door clicking shut. A creak from behind you made you freeze in place. You glanced up, a figure approaching behind you clear in the reflection of the window. 
Before you even had the chance to cry out, something hard struck the back of your head and everything went black.
You groaned, your head pounding. You reached up to rub the sore spot, wincing as you try to sit up. It was bright behind your eyes and you fought to slowly open them, blinking a few times until your surroundings come in to focus.
That’s when you saw them.
Across the room stood your dead boyfriend, lips locked with none other than Cat Adams.
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whatdoesshedotothem · 3 years
Text
Thursday 16 August 1838
4 ¼
9 ½
fine morning F73° at 5 ½ and breakfast – A- and I off for Lourdes to consult an avocat in the affair of Cazos on horseback with our 2 guides à pied at 6 20 A-‘s stirrup broken – delayed in Luz to get another – off from there at 6 ¾ - very fine morning – I walked from 7 20 to 8 27 and remounted not far from the Pont de Ville-long – passed thro’ Pierrefitte and alighted at the hotel du commerce at Argèles at 9 42 – engaged a calêche and 3 horses to take us to Lourdes and back for 10/. tout compris – and to Tarbes and back this evening (if we wished it) for 24/. – the guides breakfasted – A- had a mouthful of cold water and I a glass of eau sucrée – left Pierre to take care of the horses. took Charles on the box with the cocher and drove off at 10 25 – A- had seemed rather tired at Argèles – it was hot, but the double bedded room we were in was really very good and tidy – the carriage knocked her up – we could not see anything in front (thro’ the 2 men) and not much out of the side windows .:. I dozed slumbered almost all the way – from not far out of Argèles we had a good view of the Piméné and Marboré – Alighted, as we near as we could get to the market people, at the hotel du nord at Lourdes at 11 ¾ - shewn into a good double bedded room which the stirring mistress of the house soon made comfortable by taking away the remains of somebodys’ breakfast and leaving all clear – A- lay down on the sofa – of the 2 avocats named by Charles, it seemed Mr. Latapis was the older and more important so sent Charles to ask him to come to me – very civil message back but begging me to go to him as he had always people going to him etc. etc. did not much like this on the 1st mention of it – but very well satisfied afterwards – all right – A- doubted whether to go with me or not – I thought it would be no amusement to her – she would understand nothing – I should not be long away – she therefore remained on the sofa – and I off with Charles at 12 20 – Lourdes full of people and stirring – the market day – marché tous les quinze jours – in the place opposite our hotel and between this and the poste aux chevaux and its better looking hotel, corn and pulse (beans etc.) in sacks in the great place shaded with trees at the Argèles-end of the town a cattle market – 2 or 3 minutes walk to the good looking port cochère and little garden court and house of the avocat, perhaps as Charles said about 50, rather rotund au milieu, and of the agreeable lawyer-like manners – told him I should be glad of his advice – that the grievance was not serious being merely une affaire de sentiment mais que je me sentais une peu blessée, and I hoped he could tell me how to set all right – explained briefly – that I had really reached the summit of the Vignemale (he said the queen of Holland (Hortense) had done it some years ago – knowing he did not understand the thing I said nothing to the contrary – she went en chaise à porteur as the duchesse de Berri did from Gavarnie by the glacier de Vignemale to Cautertz [Cauterets]) but that Cazos had afterwards denied it for the sake of getting the price for the 1st ascension from a person at Luz – called in Charles to confirm my statement – the avocat asked him to sit down – and poor Charles delighted and uninterrupted ran on at length beginning from my first meeting Cazos on the Piméné to his leaving us after our return to the cabane – however poor Charles lengthy simplicity of minutiae convinced the avocat – I asked him to write me out a proper and sufficient certificate for Cazos to sign and he did so – saying he thought Cazos would sign for the sake of the money he the avocat agreeing with me and advising me not to pay till the certificate was signed – but said I, if he will not sign, what then – if I was in England I could le citer devant le juge de paix and oblige him by x examination to own the truth – well, said the avocat, and you can do so here – But will you monsieur come over and manage this affair for me? yes! – agreed that if the man would not sign, I should send Charles over with the certificate to Mr. Latapis and he would arrange the procès – we parted very good friends – I thanked him – saying I would do nothing without him, and should pay with pleasure whatever expense might be incurred rather than let the matter rest without being cleaned up – M. Latapis said it was an escroquerie on the part of Cazos and that the prince had not shewn much génerosité
SH:7/ML/E/21/0168
I said générosité était une chose fort rate, and not to be expected – but that he had not shewn much justesse and but in that engaging Cazos for the Wednesday might be the weather good or bad, I having previously engaged him for the 1st fine day, the prince had compelled me to hurry my own ascent and had not acted en gentilhomme – M. Latapis said he certainly not acted like a prince – no! said I not like a prince d’autre jours – but il y a 2 or 3 sortes de princes et quant aux princes moderns, c’est une autre chose – on my return found A- still on the sofa – she said she had been asleep, and asked why I had been so long, when I had said I should not be long – I replied without thinking much about it that I had really only been to the avocats’ – that I had been 50 minutes there but could not come away sooner – Charles’ story being long, and then, in noting in my rough book the time I had been away, I unfortunately did not (and the noise of the people in the street was enough thro’ the open window to drawn all sound of A-‘s low voice at first) hear her ask what the avocat had said – I immediately however gave her the certificate to read – to my surprise, she made no comment! I saw something was wrong, but not knowing what nor having encouragement nor motive for forcing conversation, I had only to inquire to order to eat – nothing – to go or not – to go – I had told the cocher we would wait till the heavy rain was over for I had hardly got back from the avocats’ when big drops of thunder rain with a peal or 2 of thunder drove the market people helter skelter to shelter themselves and their sacks as well as they could – the heavy rain had abated but it still rained rather smartly when we gave the maitresse d’hotel a franc for the use of her room, and drove off from Lourdes at 2 5 by and by fell into a slumber and when I awoke near Argèles it was fair and fine – perhaps it had rained about ½ way? alighted at the hotel du commerce à Argèles at 3 40 – the guide had to ‘boire un coup’ – A- not inclined to take anything nor I – Rode off from Argèles at 4 5 the Pic de Vicos and its 3 lower pics on the same crête and the whole mass of this mountain very fine – as also the pic de Bergons, and as we rode along, its top crête stretching out into the fourche or hourquette de Brada and the Maow copperat etc. all gradually hid again as we neared the village of Pierrefitte at the foot of the mass de Viscos – the vale of Argèles very beautiful – the rain very seasonable the bled du Turquie (Indian corn) was [withening] at the root for want of it, and la farine (Indian corn meal) had risen Charles said 4fr. the sack since we went into Spain in consequence of the continued drought – the day of our arrival at St. Sauveur (9th ultimo) the last day of the rain – none since, at least not more than a drop or 2 not with naming – had passed thro’ and a little beyond Pierrefitte at 5 10 – thunder rain came on and several flashes of lightning 200 or 300 yards before entering Luz – rode with our umbrellas up all the rest of the way – home at 7 35 – I thought A- was dressing for dinner – but after waiting some minutes and trying the door twice and getting no answer George thought perhaps Miss W- was gone to take her bath for Josephine was not in her own room – I sat down to dinner at 8 till 8 ¾ - George had taken the things down to the kitchen fire to keep hot just before A-‘s return, and she dined in bed – on trying her doors at 8 ¾ I found all fast, and all silent – so had Josephine, and hurried into bed – very fine hot in the valley of Argèles day till thunder rain at Lourdes (vid. line 15) and afterwards from near Luz (line 29) and rainy evening and raining now at 9 ¼ pm and F72 ½° - A- and I never spoke in returning but just when I asked her to or three times to take a biscuit or to trot up to the guides
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