#as someone who is now nearing the end of my 20's this really sums up the entire decade's experience

[samwilsonshandsandass]

What should we name them?

Summary: You take Henry with you to a horse auction but it’s not a classical horse auction which gives you the chance to name the horses. Pairing: Henry Cavill x f!reader Word count: 2109 Warnings: none A/N: This is just me screaming about horses

“So, how does this work? A horse auction where you don’t see the horse?”

“An embryo transfer auction” You explained.

“Wait. Why embryo and why transfer? Do you mean you don’t even get to see the actual mare? The mother of the foal that’s auctioned?”

“Yep.”

“I’m confused.”

“That’s why I’m here. I tell you which foal to bid on and you bid.” You smiled. “You basically bid on hope.”

Henry looked around him, as more and more people filled the room, went to their seats around the show ring where the horses would be presented, next to them and in the few rows in front of them, but most of them had seats behind them. You had booked seats at the middle of one of the long sides of the ring to have the best view of the mares’ gaits and conformation. Other people went to greet acquaintances and reconnect with their breeder or trainer or rider colleagues.

A while later, the auctioneer went up to their platform and rapped their gavel. “Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to the combined embryo transfer auction of the Oldenburg Warmblood and the Hanoverian Warmblood. Today we have 30 embryos, 17 Hanoverians and 13 Oldenburgs, all coming from blood lines of accomplished show jumpers and dressage horses and dam lines experienced in the upbringing of even-tempered foals, sport and breeding partners!”

“Why is this combined?” Henry whispered in your ear. “Because of the disciplines?”

“Because of the races. Normally the Oldenburg Association and the Hanoverian Association keep their buying and selling business separate.”

“Oh, okay. Is that why you wanted us to fly out on such short notice?”

“Yeah, it’s two birds with one stone.”

You both focused back on the ring before you, shortly before the first brood mare was brought out.

The auction started, but you bid your time.

“The tenth foal today is a Hanoverian from Stakkato Gold and out of Bella Donna. Stakkato Gold himself is a son of Stakkato who has been successful in the sport and especially in breeding. His son Stakkato Gold himself is in turn a testament to his father and to the current show jumping scene! And the dam line with Bella Donna is just as promising, with Bella Donna being the former. top horse and Olympic prospect of Meredith-Michaels-Beerbaum! Who’s starting us off with the price starting at 5 000 euros?”

Your eyes went big as you heard the pedigree of this foal. It wasn’t only the pedigree of the foal that excited you, it was also the prospect of training and molding a foal that was out of a mare that once was shown under your one and only show jumping idol, Meredith-Michaels-Beerbaum but then sold to Qatar.

Henry looked at you from the corner of his eye. “Should I bid on this one?”

“Yes, but not immediately. I’ll tell you” You whispered to not disrupt the atmosphere of the auction and to not alert the other bidders on your intent. You didn’t want to be in the middle of a bidding war. Seeing one was a different thing, though.

When the auctioneer was close to declare the foal sold, you squeezed Henry’s thigh, the signal you agreed on for him to bid, and his arm promptly shot up.

“And we’re back, now with a price of 20 000 euros!” The auctioneer cried.

All was silent, you pressed your teeth together so much they hurt. You dug your nails into your thigh and into Henry’s thigh, but surprisingly he didn’t wince.

“Going once…” The auctioneer looked around.

“Going twice…” He looked in yours and Henry’s direction.

“Going three times, sold to the gentleman in the dark green sweater! Foal number ten from Stakkato Gold and out of Bella Donna is sold to the gentleman in the dark green sweater for 20 000 euros!”

You breathed a big sigh of relief. “You did it.” You smiled at Henry and removed your nails from his thigh.

“I’m just raising my arm, love” He smiled back at you and pecked your cheek.

The bidding and a bidding war continued until a small break was announced and the two of you went to get some coffee and tea.

After break, the auction resumed. There was no shortage of incredible combinations, both of the dressage and the show jumping horses and both breeds.

“And now for an Oldenburg foal from Cornet de Semilly and Bianca! The sire is audibly a son of the one and only Cornet Obolensky! I don’t have to say much about the horses whose names’ start with ‘Cornet’! We all know how famous these horses are and even if I was to just tell you only the biggest wins of the twenty most accomplished Cornet Obolensky offspring, we’d be here for quite a bit!” The auctioneer shouted and smiled at the crowd, which laughed amiably.

They all knew he was right but the chance to get their hands on their very own offspring of probably the best show jumping stallion in breeding was too near to get real big laughs. They were tense. You were, too and subsequently dug your nails into Henry’s thigh again. You wanted this foal.

“But that was only the father’s side of this foal! The mare, Bianca, has been and is a household name in the Suisse show jumping national team under the current world number one, Steve Guerdat! We’ll start the bidding at 7 000 euros!”

The bidding war started immediately but Henry held off on “just raising his arm” as he had put it until you nudged his knee with yours. “Now!” You whispered.

“And it’s already at- No, now we’re at 15 000 from the gentleman in the dark green sweater!”

You heard a slightly louder than usual breath from Henry. Apparently, he had held his breath when he bid.

“16 000 from the lady with the pearls! No! 17 500 from the gentleman in red!”

Arms around you, behind you, opposite of you, everywhere shot up to get the one foal that had Cornet Obolensky as father-father.

“20 000 from the- 22 500 coming from the lady in blue! 25 000 from the gentleman in black!” The auctioneer couldn’t yell the sums and the people who bid them fast enough.

Everything was quiet and just like before, the auctioneer waited a bit until he began with ending the bidding for this foal.

“Going once…”

“Wait for it, Henry” you mumbled.

“Going twice…”

You could see the man in black who bid 25 000 smirk. He seemed to be sure to get this foal.

“Going three times…” The auctioneer looked around and you saw that man’s smirk grow wider.

“Now.” You said tonelessly, not taking your eyes off that man.

Henry moved and you saw the auction paddle out of the corner of your eye.

“30 000!” Henry shouted.

“We got 30 000 from the gentleman in the dark green sweater! Anyone else bidding? Anyone?”

No one moved, not even the man in black, who you still had in your line of vision. The auctioneer looked around and opened his mouth.

“Going once… Going twice…”

Another man behind the one in black leaned forward and seemed to want to urge him to bid again. But the man in black shook his head.

“Going three times… and sold! The Cornet de Semilly foal is sold for 30 000 euros to the gentleman in the dark green sweater!”

Your grin grew to the size of your face and you kissed Henry. “We did it! We got this foal!”

“We did, love!”

-----

After the auction finished, you and Henry went into the stables were the mares stood. You showed your badge that identified you two as trainer in your case and now owner in Henry’s case. Finding the two broodmares of your two new horses, Henry went to the one with the Stakkato Gold foal and you went to the other one. You petted the horses, getting acquainted with them. You’d visit them at their respective studs several times until the foals would be born, weaned and ready to really come home to you and start with training.

Back at the front of the complex of buildings, you and Henry got something to drink at a bar table.

“They need names. Any suggestions?” You asked.

“Why are you asking me? I never named a horse.” He grinned, he obviously already had some ideas.

“You’re the owner. You have the name giving privileges and since these horses aren’t born yet even their barn nicknames could fit their official sports names.”

“Uhm… Then how about… Would it be weird if we named them after something or someone?” He thought out loud.

“Not at all” You grinned at him. “I could name at least fifteen show jumping horses without thinking too much that were named after something or someone.”

“Could we name one of them ‘Superman’? You know, since you always say show jumping is kinda like flying and we bought show jumpers today?”

“’Just because show jumping is kinda like flying’? No other reason?” You teased Henry and he rubbed his neck.

“Yeah?”

“I’m afraid not. The Cornet de Semilly foal’s name has to start with ‘Cornet’. Although with enough persuasion at the headquarters of the German national equestrian federation, we could get them to allow us a name with ‘C’. And then that foal would have to be a stallion and we don’t know the sex yet.”

“So ‘Cornet’s Superman’ would be possible?”

“Yes” You laughed.

“And the Stakkato Gold foal? Could we-?” He looked down at you, giddy, hopefully. And you had to take that giddy hope from him.

“We could also name this foal ‘Superman’, if you like” You smiled at him. “Although, that name on a Cornet Obolensky offspring would be cool, since he’s one of the very best stallions, just as the auctioneer said. And as long as you suddenly pull some Witcher-related nickname or something like it starting with an ‘S’, you’ll have to wait and be on the lookout.”

Henry pouted at that but you could already see the gears in his head turning.

“Didn’t you once say something about some other breed from continental Europe that doesn’t have such strict rules on name giving?”

“Yeah, the Royal Dutch Warmblood.”

“So, if we bought one, we could name him ‘Geralt if Rivia’?” The hope returned.

“More like ‘Geralt van d’Abdijhoeve’ or ‘Geralt VDM’. The Dutch are big on showing the stud farm the horse is from. Germans are bigger on showing the sire line through the name” You explained. “So, next you wanna go to an auction of the Royal Dutch Warmblood?”

“Maybe… If that’s okay?”

“You won’t hear any complaining from me. The horses of that breed are a great testament to the Dutch breeding community.”

“We still don’t have a name for the first foal we bought” Henry mused.

“So, we settled on ‘Cornet’s Superman’ for the second foal if it’s a stallion?” Teasing Henry by making him think you weren’t persuaded yet was too easy.

“Please?”

“I’m just messing with you. I’m convinced.”

“That’s one name. One’s still to be determined. I chose one, now you choose one” Henry offered.

“If the Stakkato Gold foal is a stallion, I’m calling him ‘Sargent Barnes’” You started to smile and that smile only grew wider when you saw Henry making a face. “Don’t be like that, you should know those ‘feuds’ are mostly PR plots.”

“Yeah, you’re right...”

-----

One and a half years later, you both stood at the front gate of what was just called ‘The Yard’, which was a very short name for the facility that housed your home, several riding arenas indoor and outdoor and almost every other amenity you could need for training and producing show jumping horses for the highest level.

At the far end you saw the lorry approach with your two yearling stallions. You accompanied the lorry the last stretch until one of your grooms parked and you unloaded your (kind of) new horses. Henry took the lead rope of the Cornet offspring who he had given the barn name of ‘Clark Kent’. That way, he wouldn’t have a big fluffy bear barreling towards him and the horse whenever he trained with the yearling. You took the lead rope of your Stakkato Gold son who you had nicknamed ‘Bucky’. It’d be easier to shout that across a meadow than his entire name each day. You lead them to their new pasture where other yearlings stood and after unhooking the ropes you both sat down to watch them get settled into their new herd.

[psychemeanscure]

PART 20 {After two consecutive parts with full Jang Taeyoung, yeah I do need a Sung Eunyoung indeed. Enjoy y’all}

That was the last thing she can remember before she went blackout. Approached by a couple of men after a newly ended meeting. She tried. Tossing her leader bag sling from own shoulder, running after their chase over her, pulling out the only pepper spray weapon she had. Yet, none of that paid way other than her being smelled by a chloroform in handkerchief, then history happened. They successfully taken her.

Regaining consciousness, she learned that her head was actually cloth with garbage bag. Peeking a possible person, she can see but failed as the bag was pure black for her to take chances. Hands tied tightly from behind, both ankles wrapped by metal ropes. Much the duct tape plastered on her lips isn’t helping, useless screaming as only muffled sound is heard. She gave up, as only heavy breaths left.

Until someone finally take it off the bag on her. Meeting the eyes of the person she expected it to be. ‘Veeros Alcaziar.’ Her raging mention in mind. It innocently looks at her surprised as if no idea as well. “It was you?” its disbelieving words even.

‘Cut the act, old hag’ a retort from her mind once again. She may can’t blurt it out yet her blazing glare says it so. “I never thought you’ll be the co-partner of that industrial company director who wasted my money. You see señorita, I invested a sum from that Xi industry knowing that it could profit my business carefully. They promised, I trusted them, and they just flee. I had no choice but to look for the other proprietor hoping to bring back mine. If only I knew you were the other person, I could have just settle to you properly. I’m sorry.”      

Sensing another of her muffling sound, the latter takes away the duct tape without care for she need to whimper in no time. “F*ck you.” Her convicting reply as the old Alcaziar only awed in snigger, revealing its true colors. Sighing as if disappointed on its own action. “Is my acting really that bad to notice easily?” it even snaps his own forehead as if remembering where he slips a word. “Ah! Right. Flee. Tsk, how can I say that when you just met him with your last meeting? What a bad actor I am.”

“Shut the crap out, Señor Alcaziar.”

Her cold stone response, as its evil grimace slowly showed up. “So you knew.” Does, the retaliating laugh resonate the illuminating room. The only hanged fluorescent bulb swaying from the ceiling makes it more irritating. “I thought I have to work too much threat with you but damn my dear Amilia--- oh scratch that, my little Sung Eunyoung-ie… You wholeheartedly offer yourself instead. So proud of you. So like your mother, just as wise as her.”

And it stilled her. For she admits she starts to get nervous by his presence. Given the mere mention of her mother, she knew a glimpse of Pandora’s box will reopen. “W-what do you mean?” her urging eccentricity. Responded by the clicking of its shoes, arms crossed with ascendency, fully welcoming her awaiting answer. “Hm. Alright, let us put it this way.”  Removing its usual cowboy hat he’s wearing by a near table, lighting up own tobacco while pulling out something on its shirt pocket, she acknowledged it. Strands of hair tailed neatly as she can only think of one person. ‘Eomma.’

She never expected the extent of obsession the geezer has, until today. Possessing a part from a deceased is too much considering years had passed already. Inhaling like he has been familiar for such a long time, he reminisces. “God, your mom’s smell lingers my senses over the years still. Such my favorite scent.” Its interleaved remark before turning back at her with the original answer she needed.  

“Have you ever wonder of your mom’s death was actually?”

Blowing the smoke of its tobacco close to her while she remained unwavering, he continued. “Cancer?” his questioning stance after proceeding with another as he shakes his head and takes her chin, up to level his gape.

“She was killed.”

Firm and self-assertive statement before letting go of its hold, opposite to how she’s already clenching her fist tightly from behind. Observant stares from the latter but just a stern look she does. Hot fire ready to explode into her, a little more and she won’t be surprised if she blasts out any time soon.

With a tilting of its head, the old Alcaziar continues. “Brave.” A compliment she did not bother. “You being jeopardize and all, I must say you applaud me with your calmness.” Him, leaning its face closely to her, “Now listen, my sweet little pea…” he speaks. And just like that, she spits him while it’s also too fast for his countered slap.  

It was a hard one. Hard enough to leave a reddened mark on her face. It hurts her, yes but she holds it in. Letting herself satisfy with her work instead. Her contoured saliva which successfully spread all over the latter’s face gives her pride for she thought it was her chance to fight back just to shiver by his touch after fiercely wiping its own face, cupping her face tracing every part of it like his own. 

“You only had me realize a while ago that you resemble so much of your mother that I keep stopping myself on hitting you, but just looking by your behavior right now you left me with no choice. The next time you will then I, your father won’t let it slide anymore.”

“You aren’t one to begin with, geezer!”

Dodging her cheeks from his hold, she retorted. “Father! Call me father!” as his domineering affirmation came after an irate throwing of its own tobacco. Eyes of obsession starts to ponder, jaws clenching with delusion. “Your mother died…  Isn’t because of the unexplainable rapid of her cancer but rather she stopped it on purpose.”

A series of sham speech begins to create. “All of it. Each reason, is always because of that Sung Chanhyung! The f*cking coño stole the love of my life from me! You understand that?”

“You have no right!” she countered.

“I met your mother first! And that alone, gives me a right. That crazy s*cker killed her!”

“No, it’s not for you are the crazy one who killed them!!!”

She can’t attain anymore. That with the mere mention of his father being accused, she exploded. Finally, as it’s too fast for another heavy slap to earn a cut on her lips this time. Yet, none of it matters for she’s occupied with one thought and only. As her brows furrows, connecting its illusive stories to reality. Half-truths or not, she can only sum up the emotions her parents felt back then. 

Threatened, deceived, betrayed. Just three things but left a large impact for their blissful family to fall apart. “Is that how the bastardo taught you?! That puto! Why am I surprised, even? He had brainwashed my wife what more with you.”

“She had never been yours!”

“She loved me! And that you should put in mind. We were in love until he came she became unwise, giving her all as sacrifice from that foolish man!”

“Wake up with your f*cking illusion now Señor Alcaziar!”

He’s insane! A very factual word that best describes the man in front of her. That’s for sure. How can she believe him even when she herself was the witness of the unconditional love her parents had for each other? She, who begged for the both of them to share their love story during bedtimes. She, who always wonder about how lovesick they are just by staring gazes. She maybe still a little kid then but for a young age she had once known what true love is. Her parents, was undeniably each other’s first love.      

“Eh. You, stubborn child. You’re being hard to persuade still, huh?” Hair being clutched by the senseless old man, she yelps. By its menacing impatience, she’s cornered. “You better kill me instead, Señor Alcaziar. You will never hear anything from me. Besides, I’m all that you need anyway. What stopping you?”

Her spoken counter finally. But yet until a deafening laughing mockery from the latter. “Oh! No, no, no. You can’t always be exact my kid. I guess I did, at first. I had only asked for you alone, but learning about you further I got to think twice after. Then at second, I thought. Why not a little gratification, right?”        

Seconds later, the once darkened room she’s in, becomes brighter. It relieved her somehow, little not knowing that it would fade away too fast as her eyes begins to go round in shock. She was frightened.

The sight of her foster parents, seen from the monitors of the LCD TV, tied up on a chair unconscious. And to the person whom she never expected to get harmed. Being kneeled helplessly across her, appearance being tormented from its usual dominancy.  A bleeding cut from the eyes streaming on its face, swollen lips that had break its original luscious form, but most specially… the part which worried her too much.

Its wounded stomach. 

“No…”

“No, no, no.”

‘This can’t be real.’ Her disbelieving pushing of her own thoughts as she shakes her head hoping that is was all a dream. But it’s not. Her shuddered eyes never left the figure in front of her. Twisting herself trying to get away from her own situation even if it means failing. “There you are, Mi niña.”

Not even the voice of the crazy Spaniard bothered her for all she could think of is him.

And like a sinking lioness, she bawled.

Into what just the hell happened?!

“Jang Taeyoung!”

[skye-blacke]

What a fucking year huh?

2020.I feel like that number can sum up a near universal feeling now. What might have been one of the most difficult 12 months in history for people around the globe is coming to an end, and with it are uncertain beginnings. Everyone has suffered this year, everyone has been damaged. It was this year that the last of the pre 2000's aged over 20 and the amount of people saying  "This is when my life was supposed to begin." Has been profoundly upsetting. I remember thinking that too, back in June. But half a year on, I feel like I needed to write something reflective, and something to process what I'm feeling.

And in many ways this year has been just awful. Things fell apart, plans failed, and I lost people I cared about. My heart was broken not once, but twice this year. Some through the mere passage of time, and circumstances causing us to disconnect. Maybe I should have and could have done better by them, and in some ways I deeply regret what happened between us. On the other hand, it turned out somewhere I cared for, and had cared about for many years was not who they had seemed. The sense of betrayal and anger I still feel to this day burns away at me, but I know I'm not facing it alone. Even minor things I've forgotten about, establishing myself with a new group of friends only for that to blow up in my face mere months later, my family's and loved ones health concerns, exploring and finally regressing polyamory, losing my job, losing my sense of purpose and sense of self, countless other stuff that I probably can't even remember happening. It's been…..a lot. This year has been a lot. Lastly, in the past few days someone I knew committed suicide. I can't say we were particularly close, and yet I cannot help but feel responsible. A year ago they sought me out as a way of helping, and learning about Transitioning and I couldn't be that for her. I couldn't provide her the help she wanted from me, and I couldn't handle the requests she gave. Now she's dead. And I can't help but wonder if I had some part to play in that, maybe if I had tried harder, or been more patient, or something, maybe I could have prevented it. I don't know and it'll haunt me for a long time. But in many ways 2020 has been a terrible year, but it's also had some up points personally. I've carved out a new start for myself in a new city, found new and reconnected with old friends, I've found new love I planted my feet on the ground and started walking towards the career I love and I managed to find a way to start creating again, in old ways and new. For all of that, I am so grateful. For the people I love, and for the advantages I have had. I've also literally had the advantage of finding a new sense of self. A new identity, and a tighter focus on who and what I want to be. I chose a new name, new pronouns, and a new life for myself for the first time. I thought at the start of this year I had found it, and I really hadn't. I'm happy with who I am, and I'm happy with who I've become. 2021 won't be the magic bullet to heal the past year, we all know that. But I hope things will improve. I suppose you have to in the end, you just gotta have faith. In times like this I'm reminded of the words of a man who has and always will be a strong and amazing inspiration of mine. Keep moving forward.

[anonymoustalks]

They also didn't want me to speak Korean outside of the house because "in America you speak only English."

(6-17-20) You both like Politics.

You: hi

Stranger: Hello

You: What is something important to you?

Stranger: My job.

You: Mhm how so?

Stranger: Because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to buy a house, save money, and have dinner every night.

You: Very reasonable

You: and grounded

Stranger: Considering that I grew up low-income, it only makes sense that I skimp and save.

You: ah yeah, that helps gives perspective for sure

Stranger: All I can really say is not having food every day isn't fun.

You: Mhm did you grow up not being able to eat every day?

Stranger: Yes.

You: What was that like?

Stranger: Hell.

You: Yeah I can imagine

Stranger: The savior was USDA subsidized cheese.

You: are you us-based?

Stranger: I was. I relocated to South Korea in 2007.

You: mhm was the food insecurity in the SU or south korea?

Stranger: The US.

You: where were you specifically, if you don't mind me asking?

Stranger: Detroit until I was 8, Denver from 8-22.

You: mhm

Stranger: You couldn't pay me to move back to the US, in spite of the fact that my parents always insisted that it was better than Korea.

You: Mhm I'd love to hear anything that you're willing to share

Stranger: Well, what do you want to hear?

You: well, everything lol

You: but I guess we don't have time lol

Stranger: What parts do you want to hear?

You: I never personally experienced food insecurity

You: or the circumstances around that

You: and what your family did

You: and I guess why you moved

Stranger: Food insecurity is hell. My parents simply lived with it and ignored it.

You: as context, I'm guessing your family were immigrants?

Stranger: I moved for job security and so I wouldn't face discrimination in the US. Yes, they immigrated from Korea.

You: mhm

You: I'm not really that familiar with detroit and things, but I feel like the naive question I'm sure you get is what about food banks?

You: or other stuff

Stranger: Not a thing back in 1980s/90s Detroit outside of churches, which my parents stayed away from.

You: ahh I didn't know

You: so I'm guessing subsidized school lunches probably also weren't a thing?

Stranger: Those were, but my parents didn't apply for those until we moved to Denver.

You: sounds really rough

Stranger: They didn't apply mostly for fear of deportation

You: undocumented?

Stranger: They were documented, the documentation wasn't always fully valid.

You: ah..

You: student visa?

Stranger: Green cards.

You: mhm I guess it's just so different it's hard for me to imagine

Stranger: Needless to say, people who work on private railyards don't make much.

You: my goodness

Stranger: About 50 cents an hour back in the 80s and 90s.

You: yeah... I just can't imagine

You: how did your family end up moving to denver?

Stranger: My father's job at the railyard was replaced by a sensor and they were concerned that Detroit was becoming too unsafe.

You: mhm this was the big crime era too?

Stranger: Yes. And we lived in a housing project that was effectively where you went to buy drugs or die.

You: buy drugs or die?

Stranger: Lot of dealers, criminals, and bait apartments in there.

You: okay, was just slightly confused about the wording if they made you buy or something

Stranger: The people in the apartment next to us were dealers.

You: mhm

Stranger: The Detroit PD raided the wrong unit, not theirs.

You: .......

Stranger: And that's why I don't respect the Detroit PD.

You: yeah that's terrible

Stranger: We did get money from them after it was found that they broke the most expensive thing in the apartment.

You: it's just so hard for me to imagine what your parents went through

You: coming to the US

You: and all of this

Stranger: I can provide some more insight if you'd like.

You: anything you want to share is good

Stranger: They had this twisted perspective on American customs and holidays.

You: meaning?

Stranger: They didn't get any of them per-se "right."

You: huh

Stranger: Xmas? Get up at 5 AM and eat a pack of Twinkies. "We're going to work."

Stranger: New year's? Get up at 5 AM and eat nothing. "We're going to work"

Stranger: They also told me to not get good grades, because "Americans don't"

You: huh that's unexpected to me...

Stranger: I got all A+s on the report cards, and even skipped a lot of grades after moving to Denver.

You: mhm good for you!

Stranger: They also didn't want me to speak Korean outside of the house because "in America you speak only English."

You: I'm trying to imagine things through their eyes

Stranger: What are you effectively seeing?

You: uhh very poor, desperate, scared

Stranger: That about summed them up.

You: yeah.

Stranger: Even now, they refuse help from me.

You: mhm... that sounds kinda vaguely asian

You: are they still in the us?

Stranger: Yes.

Stranger: Still living in Denver, too.

You: what did they do in denver?

Stranger: My mother is a cashier at a Wal-Mart, and my father is a gun salesman, since he became a citizen in 2012.

You: mhm

Stranger: They did let me pay off their mortgage in 2011, though.

You: oh that's good

You: I can imagine your parents being very proud of you

You: are you an only child or with siblings?

Stranger: I'm an only child.

Stranger: I doubt they could ever afford a second.

You: right

Stranger: Hell, they were still paying down the bill from my birth until I was 10.

You: yeah asian-american poverty is just something I'm so removed from it's just I don't even know what to say

Stranger: That was back when Koreans were below Hispanics on the social ladder

You: right... I didn't realize detroit or denver had any kind of korean population

Stranger: Not really, they just ended up in those places because there were jobs.

You: mhm

You: so you went through school in denver, graduated, did college, and then moved to korea?

Stranger: I went through high school in Denver, graduated, college fast-tracked from age 14, medical school from 16-22. Then got the hell out of the US.

You: oh my goodness that's incredible

Stranger: I started high school at age 8 due to the district insisting on testing me.

You: yeah um I didn't even realize that kind of thing was possible

Stranger: It is, and its just not common

Stranger: I learned a lot from the books my parents had around the apartment.

You: yeah

Stranger: Since all that they had were my father's textbooks from college and a few legal help books.

Stranger: And operating manuals, and legal documentation.

You: mhm it just sounds like such a whirlwind of stuff to go through

You: anyhow what brings you to the politics tag?

Stranger: I like politics, always have.

You: on omegle? haha ^^

Stranger: I like most politics.

You: ^^ I guess I would have imagined that most ordinary ppl who like politics would be on reddit I guess or something

You: unless they have something strange going for them lol

Stranger: I have nothing going for me politics-wise.

You: hm, but other things?

You: sorry if I'm prying

Stranger: In the medical field, yes.

You: huh?

Stranger: I'm a general practitioner, and a tenured one at that, so I'm among the ~150 important people at the KCDC.

You: oh what I meant is that I'm just surprised someone like you would be on omegle that's all haha ^^

You: since we're pretty trashy here haha

Stranger: Nowhere near as trashy as other people I've encountered

You: mhm maybe

Stranger: Namely the Detroit police department SWAT team

You: >.<

You: so do you have a list of political issues you care about the most?

Stranger: Yeah, mostly not defunding the KCDC.

You: do you get a lot of koreans on omegle?

Stranger: No, I've never encountered another Korean.

You: oh okay

You: yeah I don't think I've ever run into anyone from east asia

You: many from india though

Stranger: In case you're wondering, the KCDC is basically Korea's healthcare provider, and disease/drug regulator.

You: yeah I googled it

You: I thought korea did very well with coronavirus testing

Stranger: We did.

You: why are they trying to defund you?

Stranger: Because they want to stop covering things that many Koreans rely on, such as vision coverage (I benefit from it), as well as coverage of OTC drugs in hospitals.

You: hmm how is there not popular backlash?

You: I thought there was a general political adage that it's easy to give benefits, but hard to repeal them

Stranger: They've kept it under wraps by putting funding changes in fine print.

You: funding charges as in...?

Stranger: Funneling the money into reserves.

You: oh okay, it might be a bit over my head ^^

Stranger: Basically, the KCDC is funded in USD, so we can buy equipment without exchange rate issues, and they view the USD as a finite recourse. Its not, since saving it depreciates the value for us long-term.

You: huuh I didn't know that at all

Stranger: Meanwhile, I have to fight with a government-paid vision provider to get my new glasses.

You: btw why did your parents dislike korea so much?

Stranger: Korea was different in the 70s and 80s. The leaders were totalitarians mostly installed by the US. The economy was garbage, and it was impossible to get a stable job outside of manufacturing or the armed forces.

You: ah okay, thanks for the summary

Stranger: They were middle class in Korea, too. And they left that all for the US.

You: yeah... I didn't realize the exchange rate was so steep back then too

Stranger: Most of the reason they were poor in the US was because of their limited English.

You: Ah okay

You: What kind of conversations do you normally get into here on omegle?

Stranger: Usually something that ends with "the US owns Korea."

You: what?

Stranger: The Republicans in the US have this twisted idea that America owns Korea.

You: huh

You: and you enjoy talking to people like that?

Stranger: No, but I like trying to talk sense into them.

You: ^^;; it sounds like quite an argument

Stranger: And its hilarious to me.

You: ah yeah, I guess people do like the amusement

Stranger: I have spat out coffee laughing at their stupidity.

You: I think people come from very different places ^^

Stranger: To some of them its a foreign concept that people can make more money in countries other than the US.

You: I think it depends in part on people's skill sets

Stranger: They also don't understand how foreign currency works, since, sometimes if they ask about my pay, I give it to them in KRW.

You: lol

Stranger: They think I'm lying because the number in KRW exceeds 350 billion

Stranger: KRW is counted in a strange manner.

You: hm? how so?

Stranger: 1,000 KRW= 1 USD (one cheap meal). 100 KRW= 10 cents (which is the same cost as a burger here), 10 KRW= 1 cent (half a bottle of cola).

Stranger: You have to know it to recognize it on site.

You: huh...

Stranger: We make western money but don't pay western prices.

You: I'm just slightly confused basically

Stranger: McDonald's is expensive here, with a meal being $8.

Stranger: McDonald's is expensive here, with a meal being $8.

Stranger: The only things that really cost western prices are, well... western things.

You: mhm right

You: I feel like cost-of-living in different places is always a little hard for me to grasp

Stranger: I find it amazing that Coke is considered the cheap beverage here and in the US

You: I have a suspicion that in many circumstances people are just buying the bottle

Stranger: Still, I have always viewed it as expensive.

You: I mean if you look at the price of a 2L bottle versus a small bottle?

Stranger: Yes, but, still, too pricey when I was young.

You: the drink itself must be inexpensive to manufacture

You: but the retail price is elevated substantially

Stranger: My parents always viewed it as "why spend a buck on a 2L when Faygo is 75 cents, we can barely afford it as is"

Stranger: Which ingrained it as being a luxury product in my mind

You: lol

You: idk it's cheaper than milk, juice... so many things

You: I feel like it must be bad for public health

Stranger: Faygo is and always has been cheaper

Stranger: Probably because of competition

You: oh we don't have them here

Stranger: Faygo is highly regionalized to Detroit.

You: not distributed in my area

Stranger: In fairness, it helps the cost when its bottled a few blocks from the grocer.

You: I guess that's true

You: but there are always discount soft drink brands too

You: although I was never pressed enough at cash to really look very hard at the difference between a dollar or like 90 cents...

Stranger: My parents had to look carefully at those prices

You: yeah

Stranger: What would be 45 minutes in the grocer for a person who can grab-and-go items would be 1-2 hours for us.

You: mhm

Stranger: Which is why I buy the same three things at the grocer, so I don't need to price compare

You: mhm I feel spoiled because I don't really do much coupon shopping

Stranger: For what its worth, they did get the one symbol of wealth that Korean-Americans viewed as a symbol of wealth at the time.

You: which was?

Stranger: Color television set.

You: oh

You: I think you are around a decade older than me so it's hard for me to compare and contrast

Stranger: I'm 35.

You: yup

Stranger: So, I have faint memories of the 1980s.

You: I was born int he 90's

Stranger: The 90s were a good time.

You: I have faint memories of the 90's lol ^^

Stranger: That was when we got a computer

You: sounds about right

Stranger: My uncle imported KDS systems to the US, so we got that for free.

You: huh

Stranger: KDS became Emachines, a company you might have heard of

You: nope!

Stranger: Your household probably didn't have to buy whatever the cheapest system at Wal-Mart was.

You: uhh I think our first computer was some form of macintosh

Stranger: Which are systems for the wealthy next to Korean imports.

You: yeah it's really interesting to look back at this stuff

Stranger: I sometimes wish I could go back in time, but then I realize that'd effectively be starting from scratch.

You: uh yeah, that doesn't sound very fun

Stranger: There's no real reason to look back on the past for me.

You: yeah I don't really look back this far normally either

You: do you still speak much english in everyday life btw?

Stranger: Yes, on a daily basis. To the point where I still sound American when I speak it.

You: Oh I didn't know that

Stranger: I have no issues with speaking either language, luckily.

You: mhm that really helps

You: how is your social life?

Stranger: Basically zero friends in Korea.

You: aww...

You: is there like a barrier?

You: being foreign or something?

Stranger: No, since I am not foreign in the eyes of either the Korean government nor the people.

You: ah, so you're just saying it's just you? ^^

Stranger: Yes.

You: introverted?

Stranger: Yes.

You: mhm I wish you the best!

Stranger: My parents weren't too hot on the idea of me ever having friends.

You: oh...

You: you're not around them anymroe!

You: seriously, are you doing okay?

Stranger: I'm doing fine.

You: okay ^^

You: I think it's different to be happy and introverted vs. unhappy and introverted, if you know what I mean

Stranger: Not to mention, after I moved to Denver, it became harder to make friends.

You: hm, why?

Stranger: I was 8 and in high school. Take a guess.

You: ah...

You: yeah that threw me for a loop

You: ordinarily I thought most school systems didn't allow their kids to skip too far for well... I guess social reasons?

You: idk if things changed or how things happen on way or another

Stranger: And being Korean in a majority hispanic school didn't help, either.

You: mhm

Stranger: Since that was basically right after the LA riots, which made Koreans and hispanics hate each other.

You: right...

Stranger: I did get bullied for that.

You: :c

Stranger: Metal lunch trays don't feel too good in the back of the head

You: that's terrible

Stranger: And neither does getting tied to a chair with an extension cord

You: I just can't imagine

You: people just...

Stranger: You'd think they'd show mercy on someone effectively half their age and size.

You: yeah

You: also for some reason I thought of denver as kind of like a progressive white place

You: but idk if that's just more recently

Stranger: That's modern Denver.

You: yeah

Stranger: Back then it was a rougher place.

You: mhm

You: I think you have so much in your past

You: it's a lot

Stranger: A lot of people do.

You: mhm

Stranger: Not everyone can have a pretty story filled with bubblegum and rainbows.

You: yeah...

You: it's just sad

You: or well, so many things that America turns a blind eye too

You: even now

You: a kind of semi-willful ignorance

You: in favor of narratives I guess

Stranger: It would've been nice if I didn't have to carry a revolver everywhere.

You: huh you were licensed to carry as a kid?

Stranger: From when I was 18.

You: mhm

Stranger: My parents made me get licensed out of pure fear.

You: mhm

You: idk if it's your generation, your family's socioeconomic status, location, or all of the above, but your story is just so much more raw and dramatic than those of other asian americans I've heard

Stranger: Probably a mix.

Stranger: My experiences are in-line with your average LA Korean in the early 90s.

You: right

You: I just didn't know the differences could be so stark through one or two generations

Stranger: Well, remember, a riot happened that moved the Koreans up the ladder.

You: yeah

You: or maybe there's a rift between asian americans who were hear longer versus the large influx that came in the 90s

Stranger: Probably that, since not a lot came in the 80s.

You: yeah

Stranger: I remember the first time I visited Korea, it was like a different planet.

You: mhm

You: (not that I have any idea lol XD)

Stranger: My uncle took me to Seoul in 1995, which was when I realized that Korea wasn't what my parents made it out to be (they made it out to effectively be a 3rd world country).

You: mhm

Stranger: I'd say it was that visit that made me want to leave the US

You: you went through a lot

Stranger: I do consider some of it to be a lot.

You: have you ever thought about writing it up?

You: idk assembling it into a narrative of some kind?

Stranger: I have, but I'm not comfortable with it being on paper beyond legal documents.

You: mhm okay yeah

Stranger: For example, in the file cabinet next to me I have every single even slightly legal document from when I was born until I was 30.

You: mhm... I should do a better job of getting my paperwork together

Stranger: Just opening it, there's three folders of medical papers.

You: hospital?

Stranger: No, at home. The folders even include every payment on every medical bill from back then.

You: ah I meant, you were hospitalized often?

Stranger: No. Mostly just payments from my birth, as well as vision.

You: mhm

Stranger: The vision papers are expansive.

You: right

Stranger: Considering that I've needed to wear glasses since I was 2.

You: what??

Stranger: Effectively, my vision is garbage, and has been ever since.

You: so it's getting really late for me, but I wanted to thank you for sharing everything that you did ^^

Stranger: Have a nice night.

You: thank you!

You: best of luck with everything and I hope you're able to make more friends!

Stranger has disconnected.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hi steph! I was wondering if you could maybe help me to find some reading material :). You know those silly short fics where they end up having first sex, like the hotel with just one bed and that kind of stuff? Well, that's my tea. If you could recommend me any I would appreciate it :3

Hi Nonny!

AHHHHHHH a good choice, Nonny! I’ve actually a TONNE of “First Time” fics, so you’re getting them all, LOL. Fics are sorted in word count order, so the first group of fics will be the short ones you’re looking for!

Everyone else: This list will be cut upon the THIRD reblog of it. Sorry, I do this so I have a desktop and a mobile version of the post

Hope y’all enjoy!!

FIRST TIME

John Will Never Forget by gelos (NR, 244 w. || Fluff, First Time, Love Confessions) – John will never forget Sherlock’s everything.

The First Night by TheForerunner (NR, 1,043 w. || First Time, Fluff, Non-Explicit, Prose, ACD Canon) – When all was over, Sherlock reached to dress again and John reached to stop him. They sat at opposite ends of the bed and one set of eyes surveyed the other’s set of limbs, and they were quiet in the downbeat, melody suspended. Sherlock was sheepish, and this confused John, who now smelled of his companion and felt they were part of one another.

Mine (He Says While Still Being Smol) by beejohnlocked (E, 1,319 w. || Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Amused John, Needy Sherlock, Blowjobs) – A suspect flirts with John. Sherlock gets a bit jealous. Okay, a LOT jealous.

29 January 2017 by wearitcounts (E, 1,765 w. || Anniversary, First Time, Insecure Sherlock, Love Confessions, Post-S4) – “That,” John says, “should have happened years ago. Maybe even the first time.”

But Love Is A Voice On The Wind by Snow (M, 1,832 w. || First Time, Meddling Mycroft, Texting) – Sherlock keeps getting texts from Mycroft with tips on wooing John.

Caught by Salambo06 (E, 1,859 w. || Frottage, First Time / Kiss, Bed Sharing, Wet Dreams, POV John, Masturbation) – A hotel room. They’re here for a case, hadn’t planned to spend the night and ended up sharing a room. No, sharing a bed. Suddenly John is very much aware of his own hand closed around his hard cock and the ragged breathing next to him. Closing his eyes for the briefest second, John dares to turn his head just enough to confirm what he already knows. Sherlock, on his side, watching him.

Moonlight by ConsultingPurplePants (E, 2,213 w. || First Time, Scars, Camping, Sherlock’s Bum, Waterfall Sex) – Sherlock is standing near the door, wearing, for what John thinks may be the first time in their acquaintance, jeans and a jumper. John drags his eyes away from the way the jeans cling to Sherlock’s just-muscled-enough legs to notice that Sherlock is wearing his own backpack, and is also carrying a collapsed tent. John’s jaw drops open. Is he about to go camping with Sherlock Holmes!?

Where You Are by Mazarin221b (E, 2,478 w. || Beach Sex, First Time, Fluff, Smut, Holidays, Pining) – He can admit he’s secretly a little glad Sherlock didn’t come with him. He needs a break. Sherlock is a handful at the best of times, and the near-constant apologizing, fixing, dealing-with, and following up on is exhausting. The near-constant unrequited attraction is a bit exhausting, too, to be honest, and John could really use a tiny bit of rest from the relentless hammering on his brain and heart.

Turn the key, and come home by TooManyChoices (M, 2,718 w. || First Kiss / Time, Angst With a Happy Ending, Emotional Messes, Implied Sex, Angst and Humour, Bed Sharing, Post-TRF) – Sherlock and John have been dancing around what’s between them for years. Will John return to Baker Street, and if so, will things ever be the same?

Your love it feels so good by Hotaru_Tomoe (E, 2,843 w. || Gay Club / Gay Bar, Lingerie, Stripping, Anal) – Sherlock is last at a quiz night and is forced by Anderson to perform in a gay stripclub. John must be with him, because he will have to record the performance. Sherlock takes the task very seriously. Part 20 of The English job

What He’s Like by magikspell (E, 2,919 w. || Love Confessions, Fluff, First Time, Inexperienced Sherlock) – Realistic first time. They love each other so much.

Right Foot Red by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (E, 3,089 w. || First Kiss/Time, Board Games, Frottage, Masturbation, Frottage, PWP, Friends to Lovers, Come as Lube, Come Marking) – …ok, it’s juvenile, but at least it’s a game where touching is allowed. And if something more were to happen, well, John can’t say he’d be too upset about that. “What are the rules of this game?” Sherlock asks, the disdain evident on the word ‘game’. “I spin, you do as I say.” John thinks he sees a slight widening of those pale grey eyes at that, just for a fraction of a second, before it is shut down. Oh, this is interesting, he thinks.

Affirmation by jamlockk (E, 3,096 w. || First Time, Dev. Rel., PWP, Love Declarations, Emotional/Overwhelmed Sherlock, Comforting/Caring John, Gross Fluff) – “Sunlight dappled John’s skin, casting a glow across his spreadeagled form as he dozed among the rumpled sheets. Sherlock knew the expression on his face was hopelessly soft but for once did not care about showing his true feelings so openly. He simply stood there, in the doorway, gazing at the impossibly beautiful man currently snuffling softly in his slumber.” Part 8 of All the ways we love

Acceptable Behaviour by bbcatemysoul (M, 3,449 w. || Fluff, Dev. Rel., Miscommunication, First Time) – Sherlock isn’t really sure why John wants to shag him, but he’s certain that if he’s careful to behave properly about it, John can be persuaded to keep doing it. In other news, John is a good boyfriend and Sherlock is an idiot.

Measuring Damage With the Fujita Scale by teahigh (T, 3,548 w. || First Kiss / Time, Vacation / Holidays, Friends to Lovers, Bed-Sharing, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Angsty Fluff, Scars, Awkward Talks) – John goes back into town, into the storm, and Sherlock realises he forgot to say, “I just want to be alone with you.”

Stay by msdisdain (M, 3,561 w. || First Kiss / Time, Angst / H/C, Bed Sharing, Nightmares, Blow Jobs, Anal) – John’s nightmares are nothing new. Sherlock’s inability to ignore them, however, is.

It Wasn’t Just the Mistletoe by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (E, 3,593 w. || Christmas Fluff, Mistletoe, First Kiss / Time, Frottage, Masturbation, Come as Lube) – Sherlock and John just stood there, seemingly frozen. Sherlock was desperately trying to think of a way out of this. There was no way he could kiss John, even a small kiss, and not have him know immediately how he felt. Sherlock could lie, and fake and sham, but there was no way he could hide this.

Well Begun Is Half Done by Avice (E, 3,897 w. || Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Anal/Oral, Seduction, John in Charge, Pining Sherlock, John’s Penis, Bottomlock) – Sherlock is putting together an elaborate plan of seducing John. John grows tired of waiting and takes matters into his own hands.

In the cherry blossom’s shade by Eliane (M, 3,934 w. || Post S3, First Time / Kiss, Sleeping Together, Pining / Obsessive Sherlock, Minor Char. Death) – This isn’t new. Sherlock has already done this – has gone through cities, and dingy hotels, and sleepless nights but it was different before. John wasn’t there before. They’re in this together.

Tree Topper by May_Shepard (E, 4,017 w. || Christmas Tree, Christmas Fluff, Drunken Shenanigans, Smut, First Time, Friends to Lovers) – Sherlock and John are celebrating Christmas the best way they know how–alone together, with booze. They’ve almost finished decorating their tree, but John is determined to find the best way to top it.

Things That You Can’t Say Tomorrow Day by PsychGirl (T, 4,022 w. || Post S4, POV John, Cuddling / Snuggling, Hypothermia, Snowed In, Angst, Romance, First Kiss/Time) – Things go horribly wrong while John and Sherlock are on a mission for Mycroft. Now they’re out in the woods in the middle of winter with no coats and no shelter. However will they stay warm?

Sherlock Holmes and the Mysterious Piercing by Lorelei_Lee (E, 4,130 w. || Travelling, Sherlock is Loud, Secrets, Genital Piercing, First Time, Licking, Coming Nearly Untouched) – John discovers by chance that Sherlock has a piercing. To his surprise John can’t stop thinking about it…

Someone Else’s Heart by thisprettywren (E, 4,188 w. || First Time, H/C, POV Sherlock, Caretaking John, Pining Idiots) – A crime scene, a rainstorm, and something they both should have known all along.

Obsession, Appassionato by shinychimera, Yeomanrand (E, 4,249 w. || Possessive Sherlock, First Time, Jealous Sherlock, Music / Sherlock’s Violin, Present Tense, Frottage) – John is late, and he hasn’t called, and Sherlock works himself into a state. Part 1 of Love and Ysaye

The Sum of His Parts by CommonNonsense (T, 4,311 w. || Body Worship, Pining, First Time) – There are eleven major organ systems in the human body. Sherlock knows about all of them to some degree, but none fascinate him as much as the ones that make up John Watson.

Overture by Kate_Lear (M, 4,435 w. || First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Angry John, Introspection, Dev. Rel., Embarassed / Insecure Sherlock, Morning After, Bed Sharing, Cuddles / Limpet Sherlock) – A short snippet on how John and Sherlock might have got together.

It Isn’t Strange Until You Think About It by ivyblossom (T, 4,596 w. || For A Case, First Time, First Person John POV) – John tells the truth about how it happened. For some reason, “it’s for a case” always seems to do the trick.

The Prize We Sought Is Won by deathfrisbees (E, 4,610 w. || First Time, Mild D/S, Oral, Military Kink, Bottomlock) – Sherlock’s in love, or in lust, or both – unfortunately, the object of his affections is not only his completely oblivious flatmate, but said flatmate would probably run screaming into the hills should he find out. John’s been invited to a wedding–unfortunately, the groom used to serve under him back in Afghanistan, and requests that John wear a uniform he’s honestly not sure he fits into. Unfortunately for both flatmates, Sherlock’s got a military kink the size of Kandahar and John wants to know if he actually can fit into this uniform or if his eyes are deceiving him. It goes from there.

Carry On by Mazarin221b (M, 4,647 w. || 5 and Ones, H/C, Afghanistan, Frottage, Hand Jobs, First Time, Drunk John, Hospitals, Humour, Soft Sex) – Five times John didn’t want to be carried, and one time he did.

Sherlock and John Go Clubbing by wendymarlowe (E, 4,716 w. || Clubbing, Dirty Talk, Dancing, Coming Untouched, Coming in Pants, Bi John, For a Case, Friends to Lovers, Flirting, Sherlock is Lost for Words, Sexy John, Mutual Pining, Possessive John, Floor Sex) – John pinched the bridge of his nose - even for Sherlock, this was a new level of no bloody boundaries. “You want me to go with you to a gay club, wait around twiddling my thumbs while I let you get pawed by a criminal, then out-flirt him and talk you into coming home with me instead?” Part 32 of John and Sherlock’s Kinky First Times

You Can’t Always Get What You Want by hubblegleeflower (E, 4,804 w. || Pining, Sexual Tension, UST / RST, First Time) – John wants. He always has, but now that he’s living with Sherlock again, it’s all he can do to hold it back. And Sherlock isn’t helping…

One Day Like This by nondeducible (E, 4,872 w. || First Time, Bed-Sharing, Romance, Fluff, Virgin Sherlock) – When Sherlock emerged from the bathroom, the sight before him nearly took his breath away. The only light in the room was the small lamp on the bedside table. John’s skin shone like gold, his hair like the purest silver. He was on his side, facing the empty part of the bed, his outstretched hands ready to embrace whoever climbed in next to him. Sherlock could imagine, just for a second, that this was their shared bed and he was coming back to settle into John’s arms.

Cephalalgia by the_beekeeper_of_sussex (E, 4,979 w. || First Kiss / Time, Sick Fic, Porn With Feelings, Love Declarations, Frottage, Friends to Lovers) – John is in pain and it’s up to Sherlock to set him to rights by any means possible

Sleeping next to you by Salambo06 (E, 5,018 w. || ASiB Fic, Bed Sharing, Frottage, Mutual Masturbation, Rimming, Anal, First Kiss/Time) – Based on an Anonymous Prompt: “So, that scene from ASiB when Mrs H has been attacked by the american CIA guy & John, Sherlock & she are in Mrs H’s kitchen when John says “She’ll have to sleep upstairs in our flat tonight. We need to look after her.” to which Sherlock replies with “no”. John of course suggested that because he cares about her safety, but maybe he also did it cause he /wanted/ that to happen. What if they finally agreed on letting her have John’s or Sherlock’s bed & J&S sleep in the same one?“ Part 12 of Tumblr Collection

What Happens in Vegas (is legally binding in the United Kingdom) by  moonblossom (E, 5,051 w. || Accidental Marriage, Friends to Husbands to Lovers, CSI Crossover, Fluff & Porn, Bathtub Sex, Hand Jobs, First Time) – When a case sends the boys to Vegas, John comes out of it with a bit more than he bargained for. Part 19 of Prompt Fills, Remixes, Works inspired by others

Every Little Thing by the_beekeeper_of_sussex (E, 5,066 w. || First Time / Kiss, Fluff, Frottage, Come as Lube, Embarassed Sherlock, Porn With Feelings) – When Sherlock walks in on John making tea wearing nothing but a tight pair of boxer-briefs things get a little heated…physically and emotionally.

Pillow Talk by scullyseviltwin (M, 5,183 w. || Post-S3, Angsty Fluff, Pillow Talk, Bed Sharing, Worried John, First Time Morning After, Soft Sherlock, Sexuality Discussion, Love Confessions, Kisses and Cuddles) – John has been looking at Sherlock for ages, it feels like.

Strings by EstherShapiro (E, 5,267 w. || Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Massage, Friends to Lovers, Fingering, Anal, PWP) – Sherlock wakes his doctor up. Was this weird? John was sitting on his bed, late at night, rubbing his hands over another man’s body? That was supposed to be weird, right? Then again, this wasn’t just some man, it was Sherlock. They were so used to each other that John didn’t even think to question it. It wasn’t weird.

Sociopathy and Other Fibs by kinklock (M, 5,314 w. || 5+1, Miscommunication, Humour, Friends to Lovers, Post S3, Love Confessions) – Five times John called Sherlock out, and one time Sherlock returned the favour.

The Honeymoon Suite by Salambo06 (E, 5,827 w. || Fake Relationship, Fake Marriage, Frottage, First Kiss, Cuddling/Snuggling/Sleepy Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Holidays / Hotels, Case Fic) – “You’ll see,” the receptionist smiles, handing John the key to their room, “This honeymoon suite is quite spectacular. Our hotel has won many awards, most of them for these rooms.” John nods, licking his lips and playing with the key in his hand. We’ll probably be leaving first thing in the morning, he wants to tell her. As soon as Sherlock proves who robbed the previous couple who booked a room here, we’re out of here and stopping this happily married charade. “Thank you,” he says instead.

Tease You Till You Come by phoenix089 (E, 6,090 w. || First Time, Clueless Sherlock, Sexting/Texting) – Initially, Sherlock was rather put out by John’s lack of presence on the case. But then he starts to receive pictures, several of them, of an unexpected nature. The case is forgotten rather quickly after that.

Problematic by MrsNoggin (E, 6,164 w. || First Time / Kiss, Oral Fixation, Obsessed Sherlock, Face-Licking) – Sherlock really wants to ask John something. Only, he’s not sure what…

Naked by sussexbound (E, 6,166 w. || Frottage, Fluff, Intimacy, First Time, Love Declarations, Trust) – John takes a deep breath, and then lets out a long-suffering sigh. “Sherlock, how would you feel if you were sitting out here doing one of your bloody experiments, and I just waltzed out of the loo and started fixing myself breakfast completely starkers? Hmm…? ”Sherlock’s lips inch up at the corners into a pleased hint of a smile he can’t seem to suppress. Part 2 of Intimacy

Thirty Three Hours Without John Watson by Bookaholic, mybrotherharry (M, 6,232 w. || First Kiss / Time, Pining Idiots, BG Mystrade, Crackish) – Sherlock can SO TOTALLY survive without John Watson. It should be a piece of cake. AKA the time when Sherlock braved grocery store lines for milk, purchased and gave away a box of tampons and figured out what the X-Factor is. Greg and Mycroft didn’t sign up for this shit. Next time, they are going to the Bahamas.

Just a Touch by MissDavis (E, 6,248 w. || Bed Sharing, Masturbation, First Time/Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Sharing a Room) – John has trouble falling asleep these days. There’s one thing he can do that always seems to help, but he’s stuck in this hotel room with Sherlock and doesn’t think he’ll get the chance. How will he ever find relief and a good night’s sleep?

The Effect of Memory by testosterone_tea (E, 6,430 || Praise Kink, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Smut, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Confused Sherlock) – John has temporary amnesia coming off of anaesthesia after an operation and not only does he not recognize Sherlock, he starts flirting with him! After John recovers, he doesn’t remember the incident at all. But Sherlock does. Confusion ensues.

once upon a time by darcylindbergh (M, 6,501 w. || Fluff and Angst, First Kiss / Time, Love Declarations, Christmas) – It starts with a wish. In the beginning, John comes home. Part 1 of things fairy tales are made of

The Death of Doubt by Gingerhermit (E, 6,584 w. || Alternate Canon, BAMF John, POV Sherlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Hurt/Comfort, Angst/Drama, Meddling Mycroft) – Mycroft asks for John’s help in rescuing Sherlock from his Serbian captors.

Better Than Fiction by Irrevocably_Sherlocked (E, 6,813 w. || Pining Sherlock, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Masturbation, BJ’s, First Time / Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Anal) – …he opens his eyes, but instead of seeing John he is staring at his bedroom ceiling, the pale plaster a startling contrast from the scene in his head. It had felt so real. He can only imagine what the feel of John’s lips would be like, his taste. But luckily for him, he thinks with a smirk, he’s always had a brilliant imagination.

The space between by Salambo06 (E, 6,830 w. || PWP, Friends to Lovers, Masturbation, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Miscommunications, Bottom Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Sexual Fantasy) – “It’s for a case,” Sherlock says as soon as John looks down at his computer. John remains silent for a long moment, eyes moving from the screen to Sherlock, before saying, “You don’t have to explain.” His voice is low, too low, and Sherlock looks at the computer, putting the video on pause. “Lestrade asked me-, no, forced me to find out who’s threatening a famous porn star, and the suspect is among his co-stars, so I only need to watch out for any signs from his partners, anything that might show they’re the one sending those threats and I can move to something else.” “Right.”

The Tip Over Into The Inevitable by ivyblossom (T, 6,894 w. || Grief, Cuddles, Insomnia, Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers) - When his father dies, Sherlock avoids sleeping. Then discovers he can’t sleep at all. John finds a way to help.

Onomatopoeia by aquabelacqua (M, 6,904 w. || First Time/Kiss, Frottage, Dirty Talk, Domestics, Word Kink) – Something is the matter with John. Sherlock is determined to figure out what it is. Mark his words.

Full Disclosure by Itsallfine (E, 7,032 w. || Bars & Pubs, Fake Relationship, First Kiss / Time, Love Confessions, John’s Army Mates, Three Continents Watson, Semi-Public Sex) – John’s army mates get together for the first time post-discharge and invite John “Three Continents” Watson to join them. If John shows up alone, he knows he’ll be the object of non-stop ridicule all night. Sherlock plays along. John tests the waters.

Six Dates by avawtsn (E, 7,421 w. || 5+1, First Time / Kiss, Post S4-Compliant, POV John) – A rather accidental 5+1 written for the prompt “is this a date?” Hint: it is.

High and Tight, Soft and Loose by cwb (E, 7,429 w. || Jealous John, Miscommunications / Misunderstandings, First Kiss / Time, BAMF John, Insecure Sherlock, Clueless Sherlock, POV John, Embarrassed John, Adorable Sherlock, Junk Size, UST / RST) – John pressed the knuckle of his index finger against his mouth and sighed. “So, you’re coiled like a spring and ready to be … sprung?” “If you want to be pedestrian about it, yes.” “Like I said, you should do something about that.” “And like I said, pedestrian. What would you have me do? Take up jogging? Yoga? Oh! Unless you mean –” “I don’t mean anything. Let’s drop it.”

I can’t pretend by Salambo06 (E, 7,692 w. || Fake Relationship, Victor Trevor, Jealous John, Miscommunications, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Anal, BJs) – They had arrived more than a hour ago, and the moment they had walked inside the hotel reception, John had understood why Sherlock hadn’t wanted to come. Two men, posh suits and expensive watches on their wrists, had come to greet them with sharp remarks and badly hidden mockery, and John had seen red. Sherlock hadn’t said anything, mostly ignoring the two men entirely, and without thinking twice about it, John had slid an arm around Sherlock’s waist and introduced himself as his husband.

On the Losing Side by missselene (E, 8,210 w. || Anal / Oral, First Kiss / Time, Angst, Misunderstandings, Mild Dub Con / Drunk John) – After Mary’s death, John moves back into Baker Street, but is still upset at the loss of his wife and child. Eventually, he and Sherlock stumble into a sort of relationship, but it’s more physical than anything and they don’t talk about it. They especially don’t talk during sex. If they are going to have sex, Sherlock notices the signs hours beforehand, and he prepares carefully. The lights are off, they’re under the covers, he prepares himself using lots of lube so he can make it feel as much like a woman as he can, and he doesn’t let himself make any noise so that, if John wishes, he can pretend that he’s still with Mary.

Matters of National Security by mistyzeo (E, 8,465 w. || BAMF John, Doctor John, Jealous Sherlock, Dating, Bisexuality, Arguing, Stupidity, Teasing, First Kiss/Time, Hand Jobs, Frottage, RST, Idiots in Love) – John starts dating a male client of Sherlock’s, and Sherlock can’t figure out why he’s so incensed about it.

Presence by LostGirl (M, 8,625 w. || Pre-Slash, First Time, Jealousy, Friends to Lovers) – Sherlock has recently noticed a shift in his own perceptions, but he can’t quite figure out when it started.

My Life for His by QuinnAnderson (E, 8,816 w. || Guardian/Protector, Greek Mythology || Growing Up, Sex, Religious Themes, Suicide, Minor Character Death) – It began when Sherlock was eight, and he attempted to climb all the way up to the highest branch in the old willow tree in his back garden. He’d thought he was still small enough that it could support him, but the second he’d grabbed hold of it to pull himself up, the branch snapped, and down he went, plummeting a solid twenty metres.The odd thing was, he never actually hit the ground.

The Very Unlikely Existence of a Flightless Bird in a Tuxedo by cwb (E, 8,829 w. || Poetry, Penguins / Animals / Zoos, First Kiss / Time, Blow / Hand Jobs, Sleepy Cuddles, Endearments, Friendship / Love, Adorable / Sleepy Sherlock, Case Fic, Sherlock Can’t Say Penguin) – A case at the zoo reveals something John finds cute about Sherlock. A conversation ensues, and so does happy endings.

Unwasted by patternofdefiance (E, 8,966 w. || Post-S3 / S3 Fix-It, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Angelo’s, Fluff, First Time, Anal, Cum Play, Flashbacks to ASiB, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Bottomlock, Cuddles, Multiple Orgasms, BJ’s, Bed Sharing) – John finds it three months after he’s moved back. He’s on the hunt for something to make for dinner, is scrounging through the cupboards, when he happens upon the graveyard of pasta boxes Sherlock still seems to create when left to his own devices. Behind seven boxes of pasta, all almost completely empty, is a dark-glassed bottle, with a paler coat of dust.It’s unopened. John’s face falls slack when he sees it, instantly recognises it, and for a long moment he just stands and looks at it.

Illogical, even. by magikspell (E, 9,119 w. || Grey-Ace Sherlock, Character Study, Growing Up, Victor Trevor, Romance, First Time/Kiss, Sherlock-centric) – Five reasons Sherlock never believed in love and one reason he does now.

Supernova by buttcat (M, 9,178 w. || Body Swap, Science Fiction, Idiots, Mastrubation, First Time, Anal) – John wakes up in Sherlock’s body. He’s a little too enthusiastic about it.

Stay Awake by pandoras_chaos (E, 9,325 w. || BAMF!John, First Time, Angst, Pining Sherlock, Rimming, Oral/Anal) – Sherlock can feel the tenuous threads of this conversation shuddering under the strain of all the unspoken words. His eyes narrow as he gazes up at John, noting the residual tension in his shoulders, the dark circles under his lower lids, and the way he is avoiding Sherlock’s eyes like a bi-polarized magnet. He knows John Watson inside and out, like the perfectly balanced coils and gears of a beautifully balanced grandfather clock, and yet John keeps surprising him. It’s uncanny, the way he keeps on being so utterly and wonderfully unpredictable.

Drive by lifeonmars (M, 9,537 w. || Virginity, Awkward First Times, Minor Injuries) – John and Sherlock are stranded by the roadside, and John is injured. They need to spend the night in the back of a humvee. Sherlock is confused. John is understanding.

Inked in Memory by 221b_hound (E, 9,716 w. || Post-HLV, Tattoos, First Kiss / Time, Anal, Cuddling, Scars, Captain John, Kissing, Switchlock) – John has been back at Baker Street for a year, following the debacle that ended in Mary’s death. Things are good. Back almost to what they used to be. Sherlock might wish they were something else, now, but he only has himself to blame, he thinks. It’s too late, now, for the things he first denied before he’d ruined any chances he might have had. Sherlock also thinks that people who get tattoos are idiots. But perhaps he’s about to learn a thing or two, not least of which might be it’s not as late as he thinks it is. Part 1 of Lock and Key

The Things You Hide *Adult Edition* by verityburns (E, 10,281 w. || Excessive Fluff, Drunk Sherlock, Porn, Romance, Pining Sherlock, Stroppy Sherlock, Love Confessions) – Sherlock and John have been working and living together for nearly a year, each finding the other’s friendship to be the one thing they would not risk or want to live without. Until something happens to disturb the status quo…

Paparazzi by SilentAuror (E, 10,543 w. || Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Post S3) – John moves back into 221B Baker Street after his marriage falls apart and the paparazzi won’t leave him and Sherlock alone about the status of their supposed relationship. Sherlock, of course, never denies it, until one day he does…

Never Have I Ever by hudders-and-hiddles (E, 10,655 w. || Pining Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Drinking Games, Love Confessions, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers) – John and Sherlock tag along for the Met’s weekly night out, where the evening’s chosen drinking game is Never Have I Ever. Sherlock is reluctant to join in until he realizes he can learn all kinds of new things about John, but he forgets that John might learn a thing or two about him as well.

Of Course I Forgive You by allonsys_girl (E, 10,735 w. || Love Confessions, Canon Divergence, First Time, Frottage, Wall Sex, Infidelity) – What if things had gone differently on that train car?

The Thin Line by Odamaki (M, 10,809 w. || Virgin Sherlock, Awkwardness, Confessions, First Times, Anal, Idiots in Love, Hand Jobs, Gentle Kissing) – John swallows. Keeps his eyes on Sherlock. Begs him not to ruin him.Sherlock leans forward over the witness box ever-so slightly, "I was distracted,” he informs the court, “by my partner, John Watson.”

John Watson’s Moon by patternofdefiance (E, 11,314 w. || Werewolf John, First Time, BAMF John, First Time, Anal, Fleeting Depictions of Violence) – Sherlock finds out John is a werewolf and wants to see the transformation. It, uh, gets really kinky.

Rainbow Hearts Retreat by PajamaSecrets (E, 11,638 w. || Fake Relationship, Case Fic, Undercover, Fluff and Smut, Bed-Sharing, Therapy, Humour/Crack, First Time) – "It’s a same-sex couples retreat. For those experiencing troubles in their relationship. Consists of group and couples therapy as well as encouraging socialization between the couples. It’s all in their incredibly dull brochure.” “Rainbow Hearts Retreat,” John read. “Sounds… quite gay.”

Praise Me by testosterone_tea (E, 11,813 w. || Sherlock POV, Bottomlock, Dev. Rel., Virgin Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, BJ’s, Anal, Praise Kink, Understanding John, Public Sex, Rimming, Hand Jobs) – In which Sherlock has an interesting physical reaction to compliments and John discovers it.

The Slow Burn by CaitlinFairchild (E, 12,097 w. || Romance, Emotional Infidelity, Friends to Lovers, Sherlock POV, First Kiss/Time, Fix-It) – John smiles, something small and private and for him alone, and Sherlock just…he knows. With a heart-stopping certainty, Sherlock suddenly knows. It feels like falling off the edge of a cliff. It feels like falling off the edge of the world. It feels like flying.

All the Girls Love a Soldier by Book7BrokeMyBrain (E, 12,951 w. || Military Kink, Frottage, Domesticity, Post S3, Pining Sherlock, Kilt John, Wedding, Dancing, Oral, Romance, ) – John is invited to a stag party and a wedding. The related accoutrement suit Sherlock to a T.

Barricade by stitchy (M, 14,127 w. || HLV Fix It, Friends to Lovers, Angst, Happy Ending, UST, Mary’s Not Nice, First Time, Pining Sherlock, Time Skip Filler, Drunkenness) – Sherlock has been struggling to keep his feelings at bay for everyone’s sake. Part 1 of Barricade

Better Than One by Innerspace (E, 14,760 w || Threesome, Self-cest / Clone Sex, First Time, BJ’s, Power Play, Slight Dub-Con) – Sherlock creates a clone and discovers things about himself and John he never imagined. John is just along for the ride, so to speak.

Pattern Behaviour by SilentAuror (E, 14,835 w. || POV First Person Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Introspection, Stroppy Sherlock, Light Humour, Friendship, John Takes Care of Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Wall Kisses, Fluffy Angst, Happy Ending) – Sherlock doesn’t even know why he resents John’s dates so much. Until the day he does know. Slight angst, unrequited feelings (but don’t let that scare you off!)

Merlot by Itsallfine (E, 14,844 w. || Christmas, Pining Sherlock, Wine, Slow Burn, First Kiss / Time, Love Confessions, Wine, Holmes Family) – Sherlock and John work toward becoming something more as they prepare to host the Holmes parents at 221B for the holidays. Part of 25 Days of Fic-Mas 2015.

In A Changing Age by allonsys_girl (E, 15,590 w. || Victorian AU, Virgin / Demi Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Mild H/C, Bottomlock) – Sherlock wakes up in the 19th century, with no idea how he got there.

The Detective and the Pin-Up by XistentialAngst (T, 15,683 w. || Sexy John, Romance, Fluff, Humour, First Kiss / Time) – Sally Donovan discovers an old secret John Watson considered long buried - a ten-year old “Men of the Armed Forces” calendar, which has John as a very enticing pin-up for August. The image of John might just change the way everyone sees the unassuming sidekick, even Sherlock Holmes. Rated NC-17 for eventual smut, but the story reasonable concludes before that chapter if you prefer fluff and humor.

At the Edge of Desire by philalethia (E, 16,375 w. || Post S3, Pining, Arse Worship, Humour, First Kiss / TIme, Sexual Fantasy, Awkwardness) – While helping John move back in to the flat, Sherlock discovers a strap-on among John’s things. He finds the discovery considerably difficult to move past.

Everlasting by cypress_tree (M, 16,884 w. || Magical Realism, First Time, Immortality, Angst & Fluff) – Most lives end. A Tuck Everlasting fusion, in which the Holmes brothers have lived for a very, very long time.

Let’s Make a Bed Out in the Rain by theimprobable1 (M, 17,664 w. || Pining Sherlock, Angst & Fluff, First Kiss, Unrequited, Jealous Sherlock, Protective Sherlock) – John is devastated after his long-term girlfriend leaves him. Sherlock helps him through it.

With All My Heart by QuinnAnderson (E, 19,257 w. || Red Marks / Soulmates || Magical Realism, Growing Up, First Kiss / Time, Falling in Love) – AU in which every time a person falls in love, a red line like a tally mark appears on their wrist. Sherlock is determined to keep himself from ever gaining one of these marks for fear that love will corrode his mental faculties. Then he meets John Watson.

At the Heart of it All by SilentAuror (E, 19,823 w. || Virgin Sherlock, Post S3, POV John, Domestics, First Time, Kissing, Romance) – John has been back at Baker Street for four months now and thinks it’s about time they had the Talk to see whether or not they could be more than friends. Sherlock has a lot of uncertainty about this concept for multiple reasons. Unabashed romance.

echoes through time by chellefic (E, 21,619 w. || First Time, Romance, ACD & BBC, Epistolary) – Mummy sends a trunk from the Holmes cottage in Sussex to 221B. Its contents alter the way John and Sherlock see themselves and one another.

Ghost Stories by SwissMiss (M, 22,256 w. || Pining, Holmes Family, Christmas, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, First Time) – Sherlock’s parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something.

Maintaining A Personal Life by Gingerhermit (E, 24,284 w. || Alternating POV’s, Bisexuality, BAMF!John, Jealous Sherlock, Romance / Drama, Sort-of Case Fic, Peril & Angst, Love Confessions, Toplock, Soft Idiots in Love, Post S3) – Sherlock and John discover some interesting revelations about each other’s sexuality, which lead them both to question the assumptions they’ve made about one another for years. In the midst of their mutual discoveries, a dangerous psychopath looms on the side-lines who threatens to destroy their new beginning.

The Sexual Awakening of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson by suitesamba (M, 24,579 w. || Post-TRF, Case Fic, H/C, First Kiss/Time) – Sherlock owes Mycroft a favor. Mycroft calls in that favor by offering Sherlock’s consulting services in a charity auction. Sherlock and John soon find themselves at the country manor of Mrs. Ives-Patton Smarmington III - not very coincidentally a long-time friend of Sherlock’s mother - where they are reluctant participants in her Murder Mystery Weekend. It’s a play within a play for Sherlock and John, and their roles for the weekend event bleed over into their real lives, waking the sleeping dragons within.

Tomorrow’s Song by agirlsname (M, 24,645 w. || Post-TRF, POV Sherlock, Angst with a Happy Ending, Virgin / Repressed Sherlock, Love Confessions, Slow Burn, Pining, Jealous Sherlock) – How can he think a relationship with me would be a good idea? I am the sort of person to take a break from my life and when I come back after two years, I expect to find it exactly as I left it. In reality I find it shattered to pieces. (I actually equate you with my life. When did I start doing that?)

State of Flux by Atiki (E, 24,655 w. || S3 Fix It, Sherlock POV, Slow Burn, First Kiss/Time, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Cuddles and Snuggles, Awkwardness, Insecure/Virgin Sherlock, Romance, Humour, Masturbation, Love Declarations) – John’s marriage is over and he is finally back home (i.e. at Baker Street, where he belongs). Sherlock is awfully insecure and John is awfully hesitant, and they’re both awkward idiots, of course, but they figure it out. Many First Times happen.

26 Pieces by Lanning (E, 28,236 w. || H/C, Torture, First Time, Happy Ending, Schmoop, Past Abuse) – Mycroft gives Sherlock the apparently simple task of solving a puzzle box containing a stolen microchip. It isn’t simple.

To be Loved by You by TwisterMelody (M, 28,775 w. || S3 Fix It Fic / Post HLV, Angst, H/C, Friends to Lovers, Post-HLV, Infidelity, Character Death, Background Mystrade, Pining, First Time, Romance) – Too many times they had confessed themselves in the darkness, leaving it there, never to speak of it again.  But this is different.  This love deserves the light of day.

“finally kiss the bloody idiot” by Salambo06 (E, 29,812 w. || Mutual Pining, Fake Relationship, First Kiss / Time, Angst, Misunderstandings, Fantasies, POV John) – Inspired by a fic idea on tumblr : “John and Sherlock know the Yard has a pool going for when they’re finally going to get together. It’s been running forever, and it’s worth thousands of pounds. It’s all fun and games, hahaha, until they find out Lestrade is in dire financial straits (dog needs emergency surgery, he’s putting his kid through gymnastics training, I don’t know, something), and they decide to fake a relationship to win the pool for him. Sherlock figures out the day and way that Lestrade thinks it’s going to happen, and they act it out. It’s all for a good cause, fake relationship style, until it’s not.” Part 1 of The Pool

The Kissing Disease by cottonballz_of_death (E, 30,856 || Sickfic, Angst with Happy Ending, Case Fic, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Jealous Sherlock, Body Image Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional H/C, POV Sherlock, Oral / Anal, Thong, Frottage) – John brings home a boyfriend, shocking Sherlock, who long ago gave up hope that his straight flatmate would ever take a romantic interest in him. In a bid to reconnect with John, he tries to infect himself with a “harmless” virus. Neither of them is prepared for the emotional fallout that results.

A Study In Auto-Signatures, Sniper Dolphins, and Sex Holidays by cwb (E, 32,690 w. || Case Fic, Post S3, Evil Mary, Dev. Rel., Beach Holidays, Confused Sherlock, Friends to Lovers, Honeymoon, Epistolary, Bottomlock, First Kiss / Time, Fluff, Secret Agents, BAMF!John) – John and Mary go on their sex holiday, and Sherlock is grumpy and pining about it. Part 1 of HOT DOLPHIN SEX

Where Else Would I Be? by cwb (E, 34,910 w. || Retirementlock, Domestic Fluff, Falling in Love, Parentlock, Fluff and Smut, Reminiscing) – John and Sherlock’s five-year-old granddaughter spends the weekend with them in Sussex. Sherlock happily indulges her whims, and John takes care of them while quietly revisiting the past thirty years of their lives together.

Nothing to Make a Song About by emmagrant01 (E, 36,833 w. || Post-TRF, First Time, Reunion, Jealous John, Pining Sherlock, Romance, Angst with Happy Ending, Sherlock Has a Boyfriend) – When Sherlock returned from his faked death, John could not forgive him for the deception and broke off their friendship. Ten years later, John returns to London in search of yet another new beginning. Sherlock, not surprisingly, is waiting.

A Promise Made to Be Broken by PlantsAreNeat (E, 37,018 w. || Fake Relationship, Pining, Slow Burn, RST, Eventual Relationship, POV Sherlock) – A young John makes an ‘if we’re still single at 40, we’ll get together’ pledge to a woman who ends up all wrong for him. She keeps reminding him of the promise, and won’t let go of it. John asks Sherlock to pose as his boyfriend at a family wedding, so as to dash her hopes permanently. Sherlock, who has at last acknowledged his feelings for John, reluctantly agrees despite knowing how painful it will be to ‘have’ John, but not keep him.

Turn Left at the Park by Glenmore (NR (E), 37,409 w. || Alternate First Meeting / ASiP Divergence, Case Fic, Depression, Suicidal Ideation, Loneliness, No Mary, Possessive Sherlock, Fluff & Angst, Nightmares/PTSD, Sherlock Saves John, Sherlock Whump-ish, Doctor John) – So what would have happened if John hadn’t walked through the park and met Stamford?What if, instead, he walked around the park and just went home?

Goodness Gives Extras by mydwynter (E, 39,629 w. || Fluff & Angst, Case Fic, Oral / Anal, Humour, First Time, Miscommunication, Snark, Christmas) – Christmas time. ‘Tis the season to settle down with a drink, some food and a present or two, and to enjoy the quiet relaxation of the holiday. Instead, there’s a case that drags them all over, missing presents, disappointed kids, angry parents, and a freak snowfall. On top of that John has to deal with Sherlock, who is being even more of a prat than usual. He really shouldn’t have expected anything different.

The Semantics of Crop Circle Formation: a case study by Sherlock Holmes [unpublished] by canolacrush (M, 41,710 w. || Post-S2, Sherlock POV First Person, Aliens, Wordplay, Case Fic) – “Look at these photographs,” I said, gesturing to the wall of crop circles. “What do you observe?” “Crop circles,” John replied. “Obvious. What else?” “Are…are those intestines surrounding them?” “Yes. The majority are bovine and ovine in origin. The farmers who have acquired these crop circles in their fields have also had a tenth of their livestock murdered and arranged thus.” “Why?” John said, presumably in a rhetorical fashion. I detest rhetorical questions. “That is what I must find out, John.”

Bedroom Tales by Junejuly15 (M, 49,950 w. || Friends to Lovers, Through the Years, H/C, Military Kink, First Kiss / Time, Romance, Insecure Sherlock, Voyeurism, Post-TRF, Ficlets, Fluff and Angst, Fix-It Fics) – Bedroom Tales is a collection of John and Sherlock ficlets. They are set at various stages of their relationship and are in no particular order. Some are fluffy, some sexy, some angsty, there is hurt and comfort, romance and love. What unites them is that they all play in a bedroom, but not necessarily the one in 221B.

In the Dark Hours by hubblegleeflower (E, 51,639 w. || Friends to Lovers, Unreliable Narrator, Closeted Bi John, Angst, Miscommunications, Slow Burn, First Time, John’s Blog / Epistolary) – John, wounded and silent, drifts back to Baker Street for healing…and then goes home again. He visits, gets more upbeat, chattier, smiles, jokes… and still goes home again. Sherlock wants him to move back in - it just makes sense - but John shows no signs of doing so. This is the story of how John and Sherlock learn to say what needs to be said when they’re both so very, very rubbish at talking.

Spare Change by Ermerness (E, 51,966 w. || Rich Holmeses AU || First Kiss / Time, Holmes Family, Virgin Sherlock, Anal, First Meetings) – The Holmes family is one of the richest and most powerful in England. Sherlock spends his time flying around the world on the family’s private jet drinking a lot and shopping at expensive boutiques as a way of trying to alleviate his endless boredom. His mother decides it’s time he settles down with someone powerful, wealthy and well connected. John Watson happens to be none of those things.

Coventry by standbygo (E, 52,020 w. || Dollhouse AU || Case Fic, Slow Burn, Sci-Fi / Fantasy, First Kiss / Time, Attempted Rape, BAMF John, Falling in Love) – “Let me get this straight,” John said, wondering when his life had become a science fiction film. “Some guy orders up a personality, a person, to his specifications, and they program this into a real live person, who has consented to do this, and she goes to this person and acts as his wife, or lawyer, or Royal Marine, or Navy Seal or what have you, and she has all the skills, all the knowledge, everything? Then you say the magic words, and she follows you back to The House, and they erase it all until her next appointment?”

Never Change a Running System by Lorelei_Lee (E, 54,246 w. || Pre-TRF, Romance, Humour, Drama, Sex Toys, Anal, Rimming, Masturbation, Frottage, Blow Jobs, Public Sex, First Kiss / Time, Virgin Sherlock / Loss of Virginity, Accidental Voyeurism, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Experiments, Naive Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Possessive Sherlock, Straight With an Exception John, Hand Jobs) – Sherlock discovers his sexuality – with far-reaching consequences for John.

Guilty Secrets by Ellipsical (E, 55,086 w. || Drumsticks, First Time, Love Confession, Self-Sexual-Discovery) – John has a prostate exam and discovers something surprising about himself. Experimentation follows. Sherlock wants to help. They’re in love. You know the drill.

Wars We Fought, Things We’re Not by blueink3 (M, 55,204 w. || Post S3 / Post TAB, Parentlock, Fluff & Angst, Kidnapping, Whump, Post-TAB, UST/URT, 3G, Mild Peril, Slow Burn, Couple for a Case, Protective Mycroft, Infant Death Pre-Story, Friends to Lovers) –  Five months after John’s world has fallen apart, Mycroft sends the consulting detective and his doctor on a case that neither is prepared for.

One Little Change by jadztone (E, 58,312 w. || ASiB Divergence, Fake Relationship, Bed Sharing, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss / Time, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bi John / Gay Demisexual Sherlock, Switchlock, Alternating POV, Jealousy, Misunderstandings, Case Fic, Angst with Happy Ending, Emotional Love Making, Butt Plugs, Cuddles) – Our story begins right after John and Sherlock’s first meeting with Irene Adler in September. It splits off into an AU that imagines them taking a case where they act as bait to hook a killer targeting closeted gays in secret relationships. In the weeks leading up to Christmas, many things happen that have our boys wondering if maybe they have a chance with each other. Then Irene fakes her death on Christmas Eve, and things get a lot more complicated - especially since they still have a killer to catch.

The Great Sex Olympics of 221B by XistentialAngst (E, 58,611 w. || First Time/Kiss, Experiments / Sexual Experimentations, Multi Pairings, Voyeurism) – John Watson thinks Sherlock Holmes should admit that he, Watson, is more of an expert on sex than Sherlock is. But Sherlock refuses to concede the point. He comes up with an experiment plan that will resolve the issue. The results will determine who wins the prize. But sometimes even the best thought-out scientific study has unexpected consequences.

Bridging the Ravine by SilentAuror (E, 58,887 w. || Post S4, Couple For a Case, Bed-Sharing, First Times, Confessions, Awkwardness, Sex Trafficking) – Sherlock and John go undercover at Ravine Valley, a therapy centre for same-sex male couples in an investigation into a possible human trafficking ring. As they pose as a couple and fake their way through the therapy sessions for the sake of the case, it quickly becomes difficult to avoid discussing their very real issues. Set roughly six nine months after series 4.

floating through a dark blue sky by Lediona (M, 58,966 w. || Notting Hilll AU || POV John, Celebrity Sherlock, First Date / Time / Kiss, Past Drug Addiction, Angst with a Happy Ending) – Of course, I’d seen his films and always thought he was, well, brilliant – but, you know, a million miles from the world I live in. Or, when John is the owner of a travel book shop and the famous Sherlock Holmes stops in one day.

The Book of Silence by SilentAuror (E, 60,056 w. || S4 Fix It / Post S4, Virgin Sherlock, Rosie / Parentlock, Domesticity, Fluff, Praise Kink, Sex Toys, First Person POV) – As spring blooms in London, John and Sherlock begin to take new cases and cautiously negotiate this new phase of life with John living at Baker Street again. Despite how well it’s all going, John struggles to forgive himself for the way he treated Sherlock following Mary’s death as well as trying to figure out how to finally put his long-time feelings for Sherlock into words. Part 1 of The Book of Silence/Rosa Felicia

The Bells of King’s College by SilentAuror (E, 64,019 w. || Post-S4, Missed Opportunities, Angst with Happy Ending, Fake Relationship, Case Fic, John POV, Jealous John, John in Denial, Travelling / Holidays, Virgin Sherlock, Wedding Proposals) – It’s only been two weeks since Eurus Holmes disrupted their lives when Mycroft sends John and Sherlock to Cambridge to pose as an engaged couple at a wedding show in the hopes of solving six unsolved deaths…

Electric Pink Hand Grenade by BeautifulFiction (E, 67,718 w. || First Time / Kiss, Seizures, Headaches) – “If Sherlock’s brain is a hard drive, then these attacks are an electro-magnetic pulse.” Sherlock Holmes does not do anything by half, not even a migraine. It falls to John to witness one of the greatest minds he has ever known tear itself apart, and he must do his best to help Sherlock pick up the pieces.

The Moonlight and the Frost by CaitlinFairchild (E, 77,289 w. || Case Fic, Post-HLV, Self Harm, Virgin Sherlock, First Time, Oral/Anal/Rimming, Romance, Angst, Mary is Not Nice) – John has to somehow rebuild his life in the wake of Mary’s betrayal and Sherlock’s deceptions.

31_Days_of_Porn_Challenge_2017 Series by distantstarlight (E, 96,540 w. across 31 stories || Prompt Ficlets, Assorted Kinks, PWP) – A collection in response to the 31 Days of Porn Challenge issued by AtlinMerrik! Thanks for doing that because this has been buttload of fun (that joke never gets old). All stories will be brief stand-alone one-shots.

The Heart In The Whole by verityburns (E, 101,650 || Post-TGG Canon Divergence, Drama & Angst, H/C, First Time, Blind Sherlock) – Events after ‘The Great Game’ leave Sherlock dependent on his best friend and colleague. But John has a secret of his own…

Shatter the Darkness (Let the Light In) by MojoFlower (E, 109,683 w. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Genie/Djinn AU || Magical Realism, Kidnapping, Genie Sherlock, First Kiss / Time, Case Fic, H/C, Angst, Clubs, John Whump, Mild DubCon, Hand / Blow Jobs, Torture) – Fairy tales are for those who remember how to dream; not John Watson, broken and hiding from his bleak future in a beige bedsit. But then he discovers a lamp and finds himself in the dangerous riptide of an enigmatic man whose very existence is unbelievable, murder charges against his sister, and the growing pains of feeling alive once more.

To Light Another’s Path by BeautifulFiction (E, 128,654 w. || Post-TGG, Sick Fic, Hurt/Comfort, Drug Addiction / Recreational Drug Use, First Time / Kiss, Case Fic) – Teaching John to observe seems to be a losing battle, but when Sherlock falls ill and submits himself to John’s care, will he realise that there is more to life than the science of deduction? Meanwhile, there is a murder to solve, and John must try and convince Sherlock not to sacrifice his own health for the sake of the case.

A Fold in the Universe by darkest_bird (E, 152,869 w. || Omegaverse / Prime Universe Crossover || OmegaJohn / AlphaSherlock, First Kiss / Time, Friends to Lovers, Established Relationship, Angst, H/C, Dub Con, Humour) – Alpha Sherlock and Omega John are in a relationship. Prime Sherlock and Prime John are not. So what happens when a freak fold in the universe switches one John for the other?

Sketchy by serpentynka (E, 184,053 w. || Post-TRF, Post-Mary, John Whump, Slow Burn Love Story, Case Fic, Art, Porn With Feelings, Switchlock, Travelling, Career Change, Family Secrets, Illness / Health) – What (and who) will be left when nobody cares about your Work? A slow-burn fic with cases, places, mistaken identities, unfair choices, essential changes, violent feels, blatant lies, fearless portraiture, family secrets, high-risk bespoke gifts, durable friendships, bedtime stories, foreign travel and tongues, sickness (and health), and the significance of things which are slow to unfurl – but cannot be ignored. Oh, and…porn. Part 1: Sherlock takes on an obvious case (barely a 4) and meets someone who will force him to re-examine what it means to see. Part 1 of Sketchy

Unkissed Series by 221b_hound (T to E, 184,168 w. across 46 works || Established Relationship, Ace Sherlock) – Sherlock returned from the dead a year ago. John returned to Baker Street six months ago. They’ve been in a couple since then. or at least, not NOT a couple. For two smart men, they sure can be dumb. Luckily, an art thief tries to drown Sherlock, Sherlock has a fever dream and things are about to change.

[wellanthropologicallyspeaking]

trigger warning // abusive parents, emotional abuse

i might be one of only a few people who have been thru the experience of loving and trusting a parent(s) their whole lives, and in a matter of months have that trust utterly broken and the love that you felt for them lost.

context is, long story summarized, my mom put me thru a very tramuatic experience last year (on christmas no less) when she basically said she “disowned me as her child”. i cried and cried and the whole thing was horrible, she just shouted so much while my dad begged her to stop and calm down, and he tried to calm me down too and brought me food afterwards.

the context for this was basically, the christmas tree that i was decorating for hours the night before had fallen when i was downstairs looking for an extension cord, and its falling broke one of the ornaments from my childhood that i had painted myself while in kindergarten/first grade. it was so heckin pretty and i was so proud of it and hoenstly when i saw i broke, along with a few other beloved ornaments, i broke down.

december last year was filled with all kinds of shit that led me deeper and deeper ino my depression, and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back. while we cleaned up the tree with me sobbing intensely, my mom was all “i told you this would happen !!! you should have done what i said !!!” THAT’S what you say to your CRYING CHILD (i’m 20 but still im her child and you would expect a person to be more compassionate towards THEIR KID)??? instead of seeing that they’re obviously upset. this made me fucking pissed and i just stormed to my room, and declared that im not celebrating christmas this year. my mom forced me and coereced me to have christmas dinner, but i slipped away with a turkey leg and bread into my room, while she was fucking pissed in the other room.

the next day, we had the horrible aforemention argument, where we went over the christmas canceling thing and me not wanting to celebrate, but my mom also went on the thing that i didn’t want to take her vitamins anymore, and she was fucking pissed at me for that.

now, that makes no sense, but i have pretty bad acne, and my mom has *taken it upon herself* to treat my acne herself, even though i kept telling i didn’t want or ask for her help, but she’d just insult me and force/blackmail me to take them. this went on for over a year, and it sounds horrible on its own, but it actually didn’t change my opinion of her until last december.

her argument was “because you’re not taking the vitamins i gave you, it means 1) you want to ruin your skin permanenly (and she goes on about ONE lady she knows who has bad acne scars who i’ve never even met) 2) you want to HURT ME EMOTIONALLY because i worry about you and you having horrible skin makes me feel bad (this sounds kinda emphathetic from her side of things but trust me, the way she meant it felt more like im some kind of experiement to her who she needs to fix and when she can’t “fix” me, she feels bad instead of ever considering MY FEELINGS)”

anyways that whole load of bullshit resulted in me arguing with her, and eventually led to her threatening to disown me while i sat sobbing so fucking uncontrollably, which i think was the only time since maybe i was a baby that i had ever cried so much and so hard. she eventually said, in not so many words, fuck you and im disowning you, while i was left shattered in a pool of my own tears.

it took me WEEKS to recover from the emotional turmoil that experience brought me, and i could never look her in the eye again.

about a month later, my dad would end up driving me to college instead of my mom (bc im a 20 year old american who still doesn’t know how to drive whoops) and over the months of the semester, he’d share things about how bad this lawsuit is that my mom’s waging against our neighbor (wholeeee other kettle of fish that i won’t get into here) and how it was stressing him out and using up precious time, money, and energy that he had. he also mentioned the whole lawsuit cost 40K to manage up to that point, bc my parents had been doing it for about 5 years and that’s the total sum it cost over those 5 years. i was fucking shocked bc, i remeber years back even BEFORE the lawsuit when i saw my mom google “free colleges” for me to attend when i’d graduate, bc she said college “was too expensive”. i mean yea that’s true but there’s a good college here that i want to go to that’s 6K a year?? like if you add it up, my time at college would cost LESS than the 40K wasted on this lawsuit AND we’d deffo have money left over for house repairs, of which our house needs a million. but nah, my mom’s priorities is that we need to waste 40K on a lawsuit for a plot of land on our drive way the size of a desk. size of a DESK. im not fucking kidding here, i wish i was bc its so ridiculous.

then later i learned that my mother (who i already knew had disowned her first daughter, what a shocker) had as a sort of “punishment” to her first daughter, aka my half sister, to take her piece of their apartment back that is in Russia. my dad said we could compromise on the money and get about 50K to pay for the downpayment for our house here, but my mom was s u r e she could “win” her case and get 300K for her share, which my dad said was near impossible and could put my half sister and her family in danger, bc apparently money handling in russia is risky business and people get killed for that sorta money.

my mother didn’t give a shit. about the actual reality of the situaion or the pain/danger she was putting my sister and her family thru. she could shit a turd and give more of a shit about that than her own daughter.

anyways all this and more that i learned, as well as the trauma she put me thru in december, made me open my eyes to the monster i had truly been living with. i finally learned how horrible, twisted, selfish, and cold blooded she was, and knew she could never have held any love for me. the mother i had known my whole life was a lie, and that lie shattered before my eyes.

this went on far too long (probably bc it shows i need therapy ahahaha i still haven’t dealt with this have i) but the message i want to share here is, if you’ve been in a situation where your parents have turned out to not be the person you thought they were, and the love you felt for them and the trust you had in them had shattered overnight, i want to say i know how you feel.

when that happens, everything that was normal with your parent(s) becomes abnomal. you go to share with them something you’re excited about, but you realize you can’t. you think about that yearly event you both go to but realize you can never go together again. it might not even be because they won’t allow it (my mom has “forgiven” me and thinks we’re alright again, as if december was “nothing”) but because you know in your heart that the person you did those things with is gone. they were really never there to begin with, because the whole thing was an act and the traumatic expriences you went thru made you see their true colors. and you see that their true colors are ugly as fuck.

those pauses when you realize that you can’t ever be the same around your parent as you once was, those times when you’re forever locked up to them because you won’t allow them in, when you feel guilty that you haven’t forgiven them and that its somehow your duty as their child to forgive them, i’m not here to say that you should open up, but that you should not open up to them. don’t ever feel like you are obligated to open up to them or “forgive” them. they hurt you and they broke your trust and made you experience horrible trauma that’s hard to come back from. just because they’re your family doesn’t mean you must forgive them.

there’s this societal norm that we’re surrounded by that in order to overcome and deal with trauma, you have to forgive the people who hurt you. in my opinion, i think that couldn’t be farther from the truth. if you are a person who finds it easist to deal with their pain by forgiving those who hurt you, i’m not bashing you; more power to you for being able to forgive, especially when i can’t do the same. however, forgiveness is touted as this “cure all” that people should use to forgive everyone who’s ever hurt you. that cannot be true because what works for one person does not necessarily work for the next. one person may be able to deal with their trauma with forgiveness, and another person cannot do the same. i believe that you shouldn’t have to forgive those who hurt you, especially when you don’t feel strong enough to or feel any love/trust in them after they’ve hurt you. i can accept that what happened, happened, and that what my mother did to me happened, and that it affected me terribly and left me with emotional scars that will be hard to heal from, but i cannot call her my mom anymore or forgive her for what she did to me.

i do feel tinges of guilt sometimes because, i think, of this societal norm that you should forgive everyone, and i feel that coming from my place as a daughter, that i have some obligation to forgive my mother based on what society tells you. you may feel the same too, that you feel guilty for not forgiving your family and that if you were a better person you would forgive them. im here to say that that’s bullshit. you may feel guilty for not forgiving your family but that’s not some sign that you actually should forgive them or that you deeply down want to forgive them, it just means that you feel guilt because of what society has drilled into you. its okay to feel guilty about not forgiving your family and still not forgive them at the same time !! i feel like this sometimes, but i still know that the trauma my mother put me thru and the lies i uncovered about her make me realize that i can never forgive her. if you’re not emotionally strong enough to forgive someone, if you don’t feel the same love or trust in someone as you once did and so are unable to forgive them, i just want to say, its okay not to forgive them !! this isn’t some kind of contest that you have to win, you don’t have to feel like you’re a weak or bad person for not forgiving someone, bc our ways for coping with trauma are all different !!

in my opinion, i think trying to forgive or keep people in your life who are obviously terrible is not healthy in the long run. my mom is still doing the shitty things that are similar to what i described earlier, and i now know that she’s still just the same horrible, selfish, cold blooded person she always was; she was just under a mask. me forgiving her or tolerating her now won’t magically turn her into a good mom !! she’ll always be shitty and its healthier for me to just cut her out of my life as much as i can (while im still living at home with both that parents, and me being unable to drive, that is proving very difficult). it’s just better to cut out toxic people from your life and surround yourself with healthy people who will help you grow and thrive. it’s kinda like what marie kondo says,

(yea im an organizing nut but her book has really helped me organize the house, and i think organizing is kinda my coping mechanism, i spent so much time after december doing a full rehaul of the house that i had never done before, because i think i wanted to regain control of my life in some part as a way to cope for all the shit i went thru)

you should only keep things (or people) that “spark joy”. anything or anyone that doesn’t “spark joy” for you, you’re allowed to remove from your life : )

[goforwardgreenwriter-blog]

The Worm Reads: The Assassin’s Blade, Ch 19-20

SJM either cuts one measly scene into three chapters or crams 100+ long scenes into on chapter so this one is gonna be super fucking long

Celaena dressed in the nicest tunic she’d brought—which wasn’t really anything to admire, but the midnight blue and gold did bring out the turquoise hues in her eyes.

SJM gotta stop bringing attention to Celery’s Mary Sue eyes because I laugh every time I think about them.

Ansel takes Celery to dinner.

Staying alert as they entered the hall was an effort of will. Yet even with her exhaustion, she instinctively scanned the room. There were three exits—the giant doors through which they entered, and two servants’ doors on either end. The hall was packed wall-to-wall with long wooden tables and benches full of people. At least seventy of them in total. None of them looked at Celaena as Ansel ambled toward a table near the front of the room. If they knew who she was, they certainly didn’t care. She tried not to scowl.

This paragraph right here. This sums up everything wrong with this book.

At first while I was reading this, I was like “Yes finally!! Celery is acting like an assassin! It took us two short stories to get here, but we finally did!” And then SJM immediately ruins it by having Celery cry and wail about nobody giving her special attention.

Boo fucking hoo! You’re an assassin, you’re not supposed to stand out, you fucking spoiled asshole!! This character is utter garbage and I hate her so much, this is actually making me enjoy the ending of E0S where she gets the shit kicked out of her and shoved into an iron coffin. Fuck her. Fuck this book.

Ansel mentions some Lord Berick guy, who Celery has never heard of before.

“He’s the villain,” said a curly-haired, dark-eyed man across from Ansel. He was handsome in a way, but had a smile far too much like Captain Rolfe’s for Celaena’s liking. He couldn’t have been older than twenty-five.

Nuance who?

Ansel blathers on about Lord Berick and how he’s the most Evil Guy Ever who wants this part of the desert or some shit. No doubt Celery will beat him in one paragraph if they meet, so who really cares.

Outside of the markets in Rifthold (...) she’d never seen such a mix of different kingdoms and continents. And though most of the people here were trained killers, there was an air of peace and contentment—of joy, even.

This place is way tf better than Arobynn’s shitty assassin joint. Please let us stay here?

Vows of silence, Ansel had explained earlier, were taken for as long as each person saw fit. Some spent weeks in silence; others, years. Ansel claimed she’d once sworn to be silent for a month, and had only lasted two days before she gave up. She liked talking too much. Celaena didn’t have any trouble believing that.

That is quite fucking rich coming from you, Celery.

Celaena felt someone’s attention on her, and tried not to blink when she noticed a dark-haired, handsome young man watching her from a few seats down. Stealing glances at her was more like it, since his sea-green eyes kept darting to her face, then back to his companions.

oh no

Their eyes met, and his tan face spread into a smile, revealing dazzlingly white teeth. Well, he was certainly desirable—as desirable as Sam, maybe.

oh god no why this

SJM has basically skipped out on love triangles (Dorito never had a chance in T0G and Tamlin never had a chance in AC0TAR, and you all know it) but nope, she just had to hit all of the shitty YA tropes. Fucking great. Poor Ilias is probably gonna be put down so Celery can realize Sammy is her one true love.

“I’m surprised you caught Ilias’s eye,” Ansel teased, keeping her voice low enough for only Celaena and Mikhail to hear. “He’s usually too focused on his training and meditating to notice anyone—even pretty girls.” (...) “I’ve known him for years, and he’s never been anything but aloof with me,” Ansel continued. “But maybe he has a thing for blondes.” Mikhail snorted.

Holy shit, is this... self awareness? I mean, both the protagonists of SJM’s big ticket series are skinny blonde white girls who have men drooling left and right for them. I bet that new Creamcheese City novel will also feature a blonde “””strong female character””” as the lead.

Celaena pushed around the food on her plate. It wasn’t that she wasn’t romantic. She’d been infatuated with a few men before—from Archer, the young male courtesan who’d trained with them for a few months when she was thirteen, to Ben, Arobynn’s now-deceased Second, back when she was too young to really understand the impossibility of such a thing.

Dude he’s like a fucking adult and she’s barely 16. Get this nasty shit outta my face. So Celery rescued Ben’s body not because he was a good guy, but because she used to have the hots for him?? This is actually gross.

Mikhail asks why Celery’s master beat the shit out of her, and she kisses her own ass for a moment or two while telling the story of freeing the slaves.

“But if the two hundred slaves that I freed are telling the story, then no, I suppose I didn’t deserve it.” None of them were smiling anymore. “Holy gods,” Ansel whispered. True silence fell over their table for a few heartbeats.

HFAKHDKAHDKAHDS I AM GOING TO LOSE MY SHIT

STOP!! MAKING!! EVERYONE!! SPLOOGE!! OVER!! CELERY!! IM SICK OF READING IT GET IT OUT OF MY FACE

The next day (I think?), Ansel takes Celery out to do some running and Celery is pissy that she isn’t immediately getting special attention from the Mute Master. Good to see Celery will never change in her selfish, whiny ways.

Celery fucking sucks at the run to the oasis and everyone continues to lap her.

A small oasis, mostly a ring of trees and a giant pool fed by a shimmering stream, was barely an eighth of a mile away. She was Adarlan’s Assassin—at least she’d made it here.

Stop reminding me she’s Adaran’s Assassin, I fucking know. Remember how I said at the beginning that Celery doesn’t splooge over herself as much as Alien does? Yeah I take it back, Celery is even more obnoxious.

Later on Ansel tries to stroke Celery’s fragile precious little ego by saying she did worse on her first run.

“My first run, I collapsed. Mile two. Completely unconscious. Ilias found me on his way back and carried me here. In his arms and everything.” Ilias’s eyes met with Celaena’s, and he smiled at her. “If I hadn’t been about to die, I would have been swooning,”

No Ilias/Ansel/Celery love triangle, please.

Celaena blushed, suddenly too aware of Ilias’s attention, and took a sip from her cup of lemon water. As the meal wore on, her blush remained as Ilias continued flicking his eyes toward her. She tried not to preen too much. But then she remembered how miserably she’d performed today— how she hadn’t even gotten a chance to train—and the swagger died a bit.

Celaena made her best attempt to look casual as she, too, stood and bid everyone good night. As she turned away, she noticed that Mikhail took Ansel’s hand and held it in the shadows beneath the table.

Apparently Ansel and Mikhail are a thing? I literally don’t care. Mikhail has said like what, five words this entire story? They’re literally just together because SJM can’t stand the idea of having any single characters (unless they’re evil).

Celery chases down The Master to demand her special snowflake treatment.

The Master paused, his white clothes rustling around him. He offered her a little smile. Up close, she could certainly see his resemblance to his son. There was a pale line around one of his fingers— perhaps where a wedding ring had once been. Who was Ilias’s mother? Of course, it wasn’t at all the time for questions like that.

Yeah, no shit Celery. Why are you such an idiot?

The Mute Master is like “wait your turn” and leaves. Ilias shows up for shipping fuel I guess?

“I have no plans to hurt him,” she said softly. But Ilias gave her a half smile, his brows rising as if to ask if she could blame him for being protective of his father.

Maybe I’m a softie, but this endeared me to him somewhat. He seems like a nice guy, which is more than what you get with 95% if SJM’s male characters. How come all of Celery’s love interests Rowboat who are waaay better characters than her?

His eyes were vivid in the torchlight, his hand firm and warm around hers. She let go of his fingers. The son of the Mute Master and the protégée of the King of the Assassins. If there was anyone here who was at all similar to her, she realized, it was Ilias. Rifthold might be her realm, but this was his.

Human brain: don’t get attached, Celery is an asshole

Monkey brain: hhhhhh parallels between partners in a ship...love....

Not that Ilias and Celery are/will be a thing, but you know. I’m a sucker for shit like this.

Ilias suddenly began making a series of motions with his long, tan fingers, but Celaena laughed softly. “I have no idea what you’re trying to say.” Ilias looked skyward and sighed through his nose. Throwing his hands in the air in mock defeat, he merely patted her on the shoulder before passing by

Ilias is a good, pure boy. I’d read a story where Sammy goes to the desert instead of Celery and him and Ilias fall in love and hold hands under the shade of the desert night. Hngh, I really wish I could be reading that fanfic instead of this novel.

As she walked back to her room, Celaena had a horrible feeling that here, being Adarlan’s Assassin might not count for much.

Celery says this like we’re supposed to feel sorry for her, but back in Arobynn;s Assassin joint she flaunts her title around and rubs it in everyone’s face so yeah, you don’t get sympathy from me.

“How long have you been seeing him?” Ansel was silent for a long moment before answering. “Since I was fifteen.” Fifteen! Mikhail was in his midtwenties, so even if this had started almost three years ago, he still would have been far older than Ansel. It made her a little queasy.

Oh. My. God.

See, I personally don’t like huge age gapes in ships (that’s just my personal preference, don’t fucking @ me) but Celery you literally said earlier you were in love with Ben, a fucking grown man, when you were a young teenager you fucking hypocrite!!!!!!!! God I fucking hate Celery!!!!!!!

With nothing else to distract her, Celaena eventually returned to thinking about Sam. Even weeks later, she had no idea how she’d somehow gotten attached to him, what he’d been shouting when Arobynn beat her, and why Arobynn had thought he’d need three seasoned assassins to restrain him that day.

Pretty simple answers. You got attached to Sammy because a) SJM wanted you to so she forced you to start thirsting for him, and b) you realized “oh hey Sammy is a good guy maybe I shouldn’t imagine myself slitting his throat”. What Sammy was shouting will be revealed later to my knowledge, and as for the 3 assassins thing... idk, tbh. I mean, Sammy is just a teenager boy, one big buff assassin should be enough to restrain him.

This chapter finally ends thank fucking god. We still have one more to go for today.

[Celaena] did run farther the next day. And the day after that, and the one following that. But it still took her so long to get back that she didn’t have time to seek out the Master. Not that she could. He’d send for her. Like a lackey.

Stop trying to make me feel bad for Celery being ignored if she’s just gonna splooge about how ~special and uhmayzing~ she is.

Like the assassins in Adarlan, the Silent Assassins weren’t known for any skill in particular—save the uncannily quiet way they moved.

That seems kinda odd. Assassins should be talented at many ways of disposing of people yeah, but wouldn’t it make more sense for some of them to have a knack for a certain type of killing, such as using poisons?

Still, even as [the assassins] corrected her posture and showed her new ways to control her breathing, she tried her best not to snarl at them. She knew plenty—she wasn’t Adarlan’s Assassin for nothing.

If I have to read that fucking sentence one more time I am ripping this book in half. No joke, I am a hair’s length away from not finishing this fucking book. Even E0S never got me to want to throw  the towel in completely and quit like this.

Perhaps if she demonstrated that she was skilled enough in these practices, the Master might take notice of her. She’d get that letter. Even if she had to hold a dagger to his throat while he wrote it.

Wow, asshole! You have to put in the tiniest amount of effort to learn and talk to people and you’re already resorting to violence??? You really are a weak and stupid protagonist and I hate you with every fiber of my being.

The attack by Lord Berick happened on her fifth night.

This made me sit up in my seat, to be honest. We finally get.... plot? Promises of action? Assassins versus assassins? Holy shit, I’m hype!

Apparently the attack happens oh so conveniently when the Mute Master and a bunch of assassins are away on a mission. Celery acknowledges this as extremely convenient, which leads me to believe there may be a rat in the assassin fortress. If not, then this is laughably stupid and convenient.

“We’re not going to kill [the soldiers]?” Celaena whispered back. (...) Ansel shook her head, watching Ilias down the line. “No, though I wish we could.” Celaena didn’t particularly care for the casual way she said it

Why would that fucking bother you?? Don’t act all high and mighty asshole, you’re an assassin the same as her. You both kill people for a living. Jesus fucking christ.

They all fire some burning arrows at an oil ridge in the sand or something which scares off Lord Berick’s goons. The scene ends.

I’m not even joking, this entire scene takes up a page and a tiny paragraph of another. I... I’m fucking speechless. You promise us an action scene and you give us this shitty, glossed over pile of garbage that serves no point? No named characters were even injured!!!!!! Holy fucking shit, SJM, you are a terrible terrible terrible writer! Please fucking stop, I can’t handle any more of these dumpster fires of novels.

The next day Mikail tells Ansel she has orders to go to Xandria, and she invites Celery to go along with, I assume Xandria is a place.....? This chapter ends. I am going to drown myself in chocolate chip cookies to heal.

[scoundrels-in-love]

Oooh the 80's songs asks are SO GOOD. Gimme billie jean, uptown girl, born in the usa, take on me, footloose, i want candy, eye of the tiger, and karma chameleon. Tried to keep a short list but so good!

Thank you so much for asking, darling. This is under cut because I got very lengthy about ‘what is your home town like’ question.

Ask me 80′s iconic song ask?

billie jean: what do you notice more in a song - the drums or bassline? 

Definitely the drums, I still have hard time distinguishing bass in most music. I know it’s there and if it’d go away, I’d terribly miss it, I appreciate it, but it’s like a caretaking spirit I can’t see for most of the time.

uptown girl: what’s your favourite book trope? 

Same as fics, honestly? Good enemies to friends to lovers (foes to bros to hoes), for example. In a lot of ways, I don’t differentiate books from fanfictions that much, especially the romantic/tropey books...

born in the u.s.a.: what’s your home town like? 

Hoo boy. This is such an invite to picture fest, but I’ll spare my followers, lol. My hometown is truly just a town, just some 25k people here. Nonetheless, it’s one of the biggest in the country, so there’s that. My town is someplace riddled with memories, someplace that I pass certain places with relief ‘ah, that store is still here, 20 years later’ or with twine of sadness if it is not. I draw comfort from the constant things and learn to accept the changes - the fixed roads, the bike trails, the truly prettified and taken care of small parks and mill pond area. For, yes, we have a mill pond with many ducks and a fountain, and lot of nice benches and trees.

And three parks, though only one is well maintained now and we, as community, rallied so more old trees wouldn’t be cut down unnecessarily - and won. It’s right next to the cinema, nice cafe and one of the banks in town, near our shopping mall and our local government building just a bit further which sits right next to almost 800 year old church and castle ruins. Across the street, there is bookstore, community center and clinic and now there’s a small concert hall in itself. That is how tiny and compact the heart of my city is, with young trees planted along the streets, with huge flower tiered flower bed in the center that in late November/early December becomes the standing spot for a towering Christmas tree, twinkling slightly into January.

But of course, there is much beyond the immediate reaches of this center. The marketplace. My actual favorite park near it, next to fire depot, with old trees that are weary from being forgotten and creaking swings, where benches rest under Jasmines, Lilacs and Linden that smell so sweetly in Spring. It’s near one of the schools (we have some 5, all over the city), the marketplace and the Millpond, the street surrounds it from both sides, yet it is a quiet place that the noises don’t reach, where the wind comes to sit on top of the swings and hum softly.

Our country’s biggest native river runs wide and steady through it, overlooked by three bridges of which one was recently rebuilt. I still remember crossing it and feeling the boards creak underneath my feet, as it was being rebuilt/reworked. As you come off of it, on your right there is part of our University and our big library in same magnificent building, something that was built some 10 years ago, and sometimes I miss the winding stairs of Children’s library, the wooden board walls and another level of tiny, narrow stairs that took you to pillow riddled room where you could participate in events. But the new library is beautiful and light and holds some beautiful memories for me, too. One day, I’ll test VR out there!

And a bit ahead, on left, there’s the huge bus station central, also recently, just last year or so, rebuilt. Then the main street splits in two, the barrier area leaving space for some old buildings and some newer ones. One of the streets runs right by an old creek, now overgrown - once home to bunch of beavers that have now returned to the main part of the river and only ducks stop by here now.

There is train station, little used now, that end of the town generally quiet and with a sense of going to sleep, like someone might before the End. On the other end of city, many new huge shops for cars and furniture have sprung from ground, along an uneven road to the hospital that can never be fully repaired because it is the only way to access the compound, hidden among the trees. The main cemetery is also there, the Orthodox one more in the center of city, but on the side.

And, oh, trees and flowers. There are many of those, all over the place. And many small streets that I have not explored. Little glimpses of peace and magic, in that one specific moment I sometime manage to catch them in my photographies. There are gaping spots where half finished buildings used to lay and gaze at passerby with empty windows, while some have finally seen completion. One becomes vacant time and time again, they say a spirit there is uneasy. My mom felt it was Her Home.

There are huge, burly apartment compounds all over the city, built after the town was burned down at the end of the World War 2. No one knows who did it, both Russian and German allies are blamed, seen to help start the fire... The buildings are built with hands of war prisoners and in that, remind me a lot of our truly old buildings, the church and castle ruins who, too, had unwilling builder hands used. Only few pre-war buildings remain. Now, many of the bulking apartment complexes are being renovated and given fresher look.

I belong here, and I don’t. I belong to the memories and the glimpses of something I catch sometime, I belong to the bus routes I took with her that do not exist anymore, I belong to benches that have been moved, I belong to the lilac bushes that were ruined carelessly in renovations or just chopped down, to trees that always burn red, just different shades, over a river-bend seen from bridge nearest to our house. To the way daffodils turn our apartment yard yellow and then white. To the bookstore that has not even lost most of its old employees, but have gained a cat in the years I have lived in this town.

I could go on and on, more and more things come to my mind. But I will finish it now, simply like this: My home town is the definition of a changing yet constant spot. An anchor that is covered with rust but also wrapped up with a pretty ribbon.

take on me: could you reach the high note? 

Pretty sure I could not!! My voice is rather low naturally and I can’t really sing, so nope. I’ve not specifically tested, but I don’t think so. I do have high pitched laughter at times, though. Hmm.

footloose: favourite musical? 

I do not have one, oops. Never seen musical, other than one very vague memory of our version of Cats when I was 7 or so. I was not impressed. Do Disney movies count??

i want candy: chocolate or sweets? 

Is it not the same thing?? I could understand cookies vs sweets... Okay, anyway. Chocolate. I don’t eat candy much and so much of candy is... actually chocolate?? Honestly, if you pick chocolate, you can get away with eating most things, like cakes, etc. (Why am I treating this like a question ‘if you can have only one for rest of your life?’? LOL) And there are so many flavors and fillings!!

eye of the tiger: favourite 80s movie? 

I have no idea what counts as 80′s movie, to be honest, so I am not sure, I think I am more of early 90′s baby. I googled and from options presented, I have seen and enjoyed The Karate Kid, Back to the Future, of course the Star Wars movie.... Oh you know what? Neverending story. I was upset it didn’t show the book as I wanted, but I still enjoyed. So, it’s sort of toss up between that and Star Wars ones, though, tbh I was... not that big on the movies, ever.

karma chameleon: what do you like most about your appearance? 

My eyes. They have a beautiful color, both my mom and other people have described water-like, both in the blue-gray color itself and how it changes, depending on light and my mood. They have a darker circle around them and my pupil is over-sensitive to light (but not only). I also do like my hair color, as much as it is always in state of darkening or lightening. If only my hair wasn’t so frail and damaged from nothing else than existing. (Hey, if that doesn’t sum me up in general...)

[hunterpink458]

Motorola Radius Gm300 Radio Doctor Xp

KB8PPERating: 2013-07-26Excellent radioTime Owned: 6 to 12 months.I started looking at commercial gear after becoming frustrated with the cheap PA chips in my ham stuff. I bought my first for $20 at a local ham swap, and I picked up several more that were being discarded by commercial shops due to narrowbanding. The radios sound great, and are built like tanks. The only drawbacks are that they have to be programmed via computer, not from the front panel, and are more channel limited than the amateur stuff. A small price to pay for quality in my opinion. Since the narrowbanding requirements, these have become even more affordable--they sell all the time on ebay for $60-70. Likewise, I program mine using a third party freeware program that runs on XP (Radio Doctor) and a $12 ribless cable I bought on ebay, from a U.S. company no less.

N8MRCRating: 2011-11-27Great RadiosTime Owned: 6 to 12 months.Our local club was given 5 GM300's in the UHF range. As our club owns a 440 repeater I had a friend of mine program them up for our repeater. We use these radios to loan out to the new hams in the area so they can get on the air. We don't have to worry about them wiping out the memory and they are built tough. Very good radios..

YEPSURERating: 2007-11-25Great for the right priceTime Owned: more than 12 months.I have owned many of GM300’s over the years and have found them to be excellent for amateur radio use. The previous post outlined the costs of programming equipment, which is a factor, however the previous reviewer was a little high on the costs. Using current purchase costs, anyone buying the items outlined in the previous review can expect to spend the following: Rib.........$25 Cable........$25 9v batt.......$2 Pirated software.. FREE VIA THE INTERNET Shipping......$12 --------------------$64 grand total Keep in mind this is what it would REALLY cost for these items, if not cheaper . . . The treasured RIB doesn’t cost anything near what it used to. Good aftermarket RIBS can be purchased brand new off ebay for $20 plus shipping, not the $100 the previous reviewer stated. The programming cable for the GM300 can be made from a simple CAT5 cable. Simply cut one end off and solder the other end to the appropriate connector. The schematic is available via batlabs and the wires are all straight forward point-to-point connections. So you could realistically knock another $20 off the price since most people have CAT5 cables laying around anyway. Spending $5 for a 9-volt battery is purely optional. You can just as easily spend $2 for an off-brand alkaline. Or you don’t have to use a battery at all since the RIB has a D/C input jack so you can simply attach a 9-12 volt supply to it. As for the software, or RSS, this was at one time an impossible task to acquire without paying Motorola their fee. Like everything else on the Internet though, it too can be found for free. I’m not saying it’s okay to do this but merely pointing out, like everything else in cyber land, it is in fact there. The shipping fee is a variable amount that could be higher or lower, depending on the transaction. I’ve purchased UHF GM300’s for as low as $35 (32 channel, 40-watt model), so the bottom line shipping amount is a small variable in the grand scheme of things. The bottom line here is to think about the REAL cost of programming this radio vs. what someone arbitrarily decides to post about it here. I’ve owned GM300’s for many years now and the required programming gear is as cheap as ever and can be purchased everywhere on the Internet. The GM300 is an excellent radio for amateur purposes IF you can buy on at the right price. They are simple radio’s that do one thing very well.

K9TODRating: 2006-12-26Unce upon a time this would be good for hamTime Owned: more than 12 months.Once upon a time this was a great radio for the ham bands. I used to be a big commercial radio buff. That's changed as Motorola doesn't make radios like this one anymore and there are some things that are really tough to deal with. I got a couple of these a few years ago to make a basic repeater but the plan changed and started using them as a mobile and base radio. It's really not feasible to program a single used radio legally. The software which you must buy from motorola is very expensive and from what I hear they won't just ship it to just anyone who calls up to order it. The programming cables and RIB box are expensive and using a cheap homebrew one can ruin the radio not to mention they don't last long. For the price of this programming gear alone, you could have a great modern day radio. I program mine so infrequently that every time the 9volt battery for the rib box is toast. Do the math: Rib.........$100 Cable........$25 9v batt.......$5 Pirated software..$100 Shipping......$12 --------------------$242 grand total All for 16 measley channels. The radio was designed for short, momentary transmissions, not long rag chews. This radio may have a rugged case but the compenents are just as fragile and can easily be burned up due to not having the heat sinks and fans that the ham rigs have. The microphones are noise cancelling mics, and you have to speak much louder if not shout into them. They won't have as much background noise like open windows, sirens and whatever else but not a good radio to use if you have a sore throat. Not all radios do the signalling so ask before you buy. Obviously this radio doesn't scan the band and most that you find has to be modified for ham band. And for what? So you can look cool having a durable police radio? At one time, that would be a good reason but now this radio is 10-15 years old and there are far better offerings in modern day ham radio that are rugged, easy to program, will scan the ham band and look professional. It's like driving an Iroc because they were a cool car when you are in high school. Now they are not so great. To sum it up, for the current price of a used GM300, you can have a rugged radio designed for how you're using it, that can be modified to xmit GMRS or MURS or Mars/cap if that is your intention and when they break you toss them and get something else. At least you can program the things. If you're wanting to build a repeater with these, there are also better offerings out there! Not all GM300 models are able to do plug & play with the RICK/repeater operation. Ask before you buy. Most of these you find on ebay or at ham fests have had multiple owners by now.

W0TRJRating: 2006-10-23A great ! RadioTime Owned: 0 to 3 months.GM300 UHF Model Moblie/ Base with a power supply. The UHF GM300 comes in different band splits, I'am using the 430.0-470.0 Mhz Model. I got this one to use in the Ham band and found it on Ebay for $160. To program the Radio you need a interface called a Rib and the Motorola software or you can buy a Ribless programminig cable on Ebay for around $19 Dollars. So far the Radio is working as it should, This model was a 8 channels type. I Modified for 16 channels using the info I found on the net. The RF power output on this model is 40watts and this helps me to hit the Repeaters in my area 30 miles plus. Also I think using a external speaker on the Radio is a must.It really brings the audio up alot. If you need any help with this Radio drop me a Email and I will see what I can do. trjohn@mlecmn.net W0TRJ

N4RAPRating: 2005-08-01Bullet ProofTime Owned: more than 12 months.If you need an 'idiot proof' and/or 'bullet proof' radio..this is it. I have 14 repeaters on the air and many of them are linked to each other. I use the GM300's as link radios and as repeaters. They work great. The have great transmitt audio and receive audio. The 16 pin plug in the back is ideal for tapping into COR, squelch, mic audio and speaker audio as well as 'flat' audio and discriminator audio and a host of other features and be able to connect that to a repeater controller. I also have two of them for back up radios. A good idea for your kids and or spouse as their mobile radio. Why? Because they can't program it..and they can't mess it up or wipe out channels by accident. no more 'oops I must have pushed the wrong button'..'sorry Daddy!' They are also capable of dual PL tones and Digital Pl Tones. See ya 73 from N4RAP

HR2PACRating: 2005-05-06Like a tank.Time Owned: more than 12 months.Great radios for the serious ham that goes mobile. Although they are easy to program they can become a pain considering that you have to use a RIBLESS, software and a PC to acomplish this. Now I operate a commercial two way radio company here in Honduras and we have all of the gear to program, you can pick these up on Ebay in pretty decent shape I have even seen them NIB on Ebay!! Bottom line these things are built like tanks and will take the abuse, although I think that for ham radio use they might be overkill considering you can buy ham rated equipment for less money. 73's from HR lands.

KC8QDRRating: 2002-10-29Awesome radioTime Owned: 3 to 6 months.An awesome rig all around! Excellent Tx/Rx audio. Defenetly gets you noticed on the band (especially if you have the mdc1200 signaling turned on :-) ).If you get one with the 16 pin acc. connector, it is great for packet. Searched ebay and found a new OEM 16 pin plug, so tnc hookup was a snap. Also, cheap 'rib less' programmers are readily available for this radio and it's brother, the maxtrac. So I say go commercial, especially if you only use a couple of frequencies and don't need to be tuning all over the band. Now if they would make one with a vfo..

KC7MMIRating: 2001-10-12Outstanding MobileTime Owned: 0 to 3 months.I had the oportunity to get two of these radios set up for use by the Explorer Post that I am associated with. They have excellent audio along with a simple user interface. These radios are commercial radios and do perform as such in the ham bands.

VK2PHREAKTRIPRating: 2001-09-03mad ..Time Owned: 0 to 3 months.Have used this radio for a while now it does high power (40 w) (50 w on VHF) its built like a brick like all of motorola's stuff! got mine for $300 AUD ($150 US). and can easily be moded to 40 channels has a whole lot of features and is easy to program (goto www.batlabs.com) mad 7/5

Motorola Radius Gm300

Motorola Gm300 Programming

Motorola Radius Gm300 Programming Software

If so you can use Radio Doctor for the Gm300, and it'll let you program on Windows XP. The ribless cables are fairly cheap on Ebay from Kawamall. Click to expand. With the power applied to the red & black pigtail the Radio Doctor software worked just fine. Be aware that the Motorola pin numbering convention on the RJ45 connector is the reverse sequence from the standard pin numbering convention. So if you make your own cable make sure to use the Motorola pin numbering convention. Game ultraman fighting evolution 3. Very helpful GM300 web.

Download Pokemon - Fire Red Version (V1.1) ROM for Gameboy Advance(GBA) and Play Pokemon - Fire Red Version (V1.1) Video Game on your PC, Mac, Android or iOS device! Pokemon from trades or acquired by methods other than catching in the wilderness are not allowed; The game that I decided to try this set of rules on is Pokemon Fire Red. I prefer the first set of Pokemon and the graphics in this remake are a major improvement from the original. Pokemon Fire Red Version is a GameBoy Advance remake of the Pokemon Red of the GameBoy Color and is the sister version of Pokemon Leaf Green. The story and role-playing adventure remain the same as the Pokemon Red, but with dozens of improvements including graphics, animations, and even gameplay enhancements. Pokemon fire red nuzlocke rom gba.

Introduction.

The Motorola GM300 can be re-programmed quite easily to allow use on our Amateur Radio bands. The radio is made in both a VHF and UHF versions, and makes an excellent 2mtr or 70cms mobile/base station radio.

Most of the radio's I have worked on have originally been 8 channel units. These can be modified to operate on 16 channels quite easily.

The programming interface can be made for a low cost. All it consists of is a RS232 to TTL level converter, that connects between the serial port of your PC and the radio's microphone socket.

Amateur Radio Conversion.

The radio requires the Motorola Software which can be found if you ask around or search for it on the FTP sites on the Internet. If you can't find it then try your local Motorola dealer who should be able to help at a small cost.

You also have to make an interface, or purchase one.

To program the radio onto the Amateur band, you can find some versions of software that have been hacked into allowing frequencies to be entered to bring the radio into the amateur bands which normally are just bellow the original working frequency. However this depends on your version of software, if it's a un-hacked version then you have to press the key down when entering the frequency. You must release the key when entering the decimal point. For example to program 433.500MHz you will enter the following: $££.%)) on a English layout keyboard. (This is 433.500 with the held down. Fill all of the 0's in the frequency field. This example is the same for both the VHF and UHF GM300's.

16 Channel conversion. Dolby audio for windows 10 free download. software. (for 8 channel radio's only)

To program the radio for 16 channels all you need to do is edit a file called GM300.MDF. Service tool v 4905 keygen. You do this with the help of a Hex editor such as Hex Workshop. The file you need to modify is called GM300.MDF and can be found in the main directory of the Motorola software. Keep a backup of your original GM300.MDF file, just in case you make a mistake.

Motorola Radius Gm300

I have made a small video that shows the Hex Workshop screen during the modification. This should help you understand the procedure of editing the file which when complete will give you 16 channels. Click below to download.

Motorola Gm300 Programming

Procedure

Motorola Radius Gm300 Programming Software

Get a copy of Hex Workshop

Start the Hex Workshop program and open the file GP300.MDF to begin editing.

Go to 'Tools', and the 'Generate Checksum'.

Make sure 'Entire Document' and also 'Decimal' are ticked. Then press 'Generate'.

Look in the 'Checksum-16' box, in my version of software for example this results in a checksum of 5514. (yours may be a different number depending on the version of Motorola software)

Write this number down, as you need it later.

Press 'Cancel' to return to the main window and your next step.

Go to 'Edit' and then 'Find'. A pop-up window appears.

You need to enter the model number of your radio. For e.g. M34GMC00D3AA.

When you enter the model number leave off the last two letters(AB on my radio).Make sure 'ASCII' is ticked.

When you press 'Find Next', you will see your model number highlighted.

If you count 8 numbers after the highlighted section, you should see the number '08' as long your radio is originally a 8 channel set.

Edit the '08' to '10' (note 10 in Hex is equal to 16 in decimal).

You now need to edit the start of the program, to allow the software to run.

In the first few lines look for a Hex number that you can easily take away 8 from.

In my software at address 00000040 you will see the number '78' on the right.

Edit this to be '70'.

Now you must do a final checksum and make sure it equals the original value.

If this is the same, then replace you original file with the modified file.

Try to reprogram your radio with the extra 8 channels to give you 16 channels.

[i-am-obscuram]

Obscuram Stories Citadel - The Emotional Walls we Build and How to Overcome Them

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Click Here For Video This is an Obscuram story called Citadel These walls have stood for thousands of years. These walls have stopped invasions. These walls have withstood the test of time. These walls hid Beauty. These walls kept secrets. These walls the wrong people out these walls inhibited connection. These walls prevented innovation. These walls created disconnect. These walls created loneliness. These walls created misunderstanding. These walls kept everyone out. These walls prevented visions from manifesting. These walls became a burden. These walls that you created to protect yourself, became a Maximum Security Prison for One.

Most emotional walls are built from a space of pain, hurt, and trauma.

These walls or emotional barriers, are evocative of the feelings physical walls give; feelings of security, autonomy, and protection. Much the same as emotional walls yet these keep out connection, intimacy, and vulnerability in exchange for feeling safe from harm. Sometimes the walls are like an energetic dam holding in life giving water; this water represents your life lessons or the gifts you get to share with the world. This is essentially when you hide yourself and who you are.

Other times the energetic dam holds in a shadowy superfund site with a cesspool of unspoken uncleared unhealed festering baggage. There's the phrase of “time heals all wounds” it does to an extent like the fluid of the cesspool will evaporate, yet there’s still a toxic dumping ground of a wound.

Wouldn't it be great if I could say, “just take down the walls and enjoy your freedom!”

That would be a disservice peddled by those who would rather dissociate or bypass, than dive deep into what healing can look like. It’s similar to telling a depressed person to “smile” or “just be happy,” maybe that helps a bit, but it’s not healing the core wounds of depression nor creating healthy coping mechanisms and lifestyle changes. 

The truth is it can take time, the wounds get to be addressed and healed with awareness, shadow work (cleaning up the cesspool) and support.

"I’ve discovered, with the way I was raised, that I lack certain social and emotional behavior skills. Which many with a significant form of nurturing in their youth, receive the benefits of and are unconscious of or unknowingly take for granted. "  -- Brettney Perr

I have my own walls and I've been granted some huge awareness around this recently. My childhood includes emotional and psychological abuse, and it has severely impacted my life and decisions leading up to now. The drawbacks, discussed above, have taken a huge toll. I was raised with no one to go to for support, actually when I would cry was when most of the abuse would happen. Nurturing was not a thing in my multi-generational household, my grandmother was mostly tapped out on watching TV, my mother dealt with divorce in my first years of life and being a single mom having her own unhealed unspoken of abuse, she could not be there for me either. My father was barely present in my childhood and not even my paternal side of the family knows of or has any knowledge about his whereabouts since the 1990’s. Naturally feelings of abandonment, feeling worthless, unlovable, not being accepted, and not good enough were fostered. Praise was not a thing in my household, yet calling me names and commenting on my weight was common.  My weight was a physical padding protecting me from the world. I leveraged it to be intimidating with tactics developed to keep people away, which worked so well I never dated in school. More on my weight loss journey can be found HERE In my early 20’s I went into a marriage with that baggage and got the same results of what I was raised with, more pain, more trauma, ultimately abandonment as he hid affairs and ultimately he jumped into marriage with a woman he had an affair with. Asking for emotional support was a terrifying concept, dropping my walls has led to panic attacks, and even receiving praise and acknowledgement was uncomfortable, awkward, and challenging to let it all in. My walls became a citadel, an insurmountable fortress to the outside world, lacking trust with a foundation of, “I can do it myself.”  I’ve discovered, with the way I was raised, that I lack certain social and emotional behavior skills. Which, many with a significant form of nurturing in their youth, receive the benefits of and are unconscious of or unknowingly take for granted. When I’ve received coaching around this, it's been a catch 22 of misunderstanding and a challenge articulating what I’ve been struggling with which has brought about support that is like asking a blind from birth person what color your shirt is, telling them it's blue and expecting them to know what blue is besides a 4 letter word and a description of a color that they have never seen. This played out the old cycle of feeling, unheard, misunderstood, and back in that space of thinking, “those walls look pretty good; I can do it and figure it out myself!”

So what does it really take to let down the walls and heal?

Deep Rooted Insight and Awareness

When there is a wall there is something you are protecting yourself from and one way that wall comes down is when what you want to create and achieve is greater than the protection being provided by that wall.

Know how the wall was built; fully see and acknowledge it.  Some questions to ask are:

When did I start putting up a wall to emotional intimacy and connection? If it’s from trauma where does it originate? Go way back into your childhood.

What is the core wound of the trauma? A core wound is usually one word that sums up what a person is dealing with, mine is abandonment, with others I've worked with it can be anything from pain to shame. If this is something hidden from you seek support  Schedule an Intro Session Here https://www.obscuram.com/intro-session

Have an idea of the outcome you want to create in your life, and how has this emotional barrier inhibited that?

Gratitude

Once through the walls, what is learned and unique talents are what you take with you. For me personally there are benefits from what I experienced in my past, that I honor and acknowledge have made me who I am. I learned to be an autodidact, a polymath, resourceful, creative, multitalented, self coaching,  near unlimited individual as I got to do and figure out so much on my own. Giving support is something I do very well, although receiving the love and support I’ve given has been chaotic in the process of trial and error.

Let The Compliments In

Getting hit on or getting compliments in public was a source of judgment, frustration, upset, suspicion and hell-naw. Overall I couldn't take a compliment and even worse was subversively seeing it as a threat! I’ve since learned to navigate that by being open, curious, and gracious. Compliments in passing are seen just as that, and actually being asked out by someone I’m not interested in is met with a considerate,” thank you but I will pass.”

Other Considerations

Lean in or stay present and aware, when you want to pull back, hide, or retreat. Become curious and don’t force it.

Forgiveness for yourself, others, and situations; events that occur that are beyond your control if this is a tough subject for you CLICK HERE for support on how forgiveness can look for your situation.

Healing Fully Does Not Happen Alone

You can have the knowledge, do the inner work, and yet still have challenges. With emotional walls you can only do so much on your own, it takes others to see where you are at with your internal healing and to truly open up. Find a trustworthy person, support group or program This can be a therapist, coach such as myself, or a program such as transformation programs, domestic violence support groups, or addiction support groups which are even for family members of those dealing with wall creating trauma inducing addiction.

Supporting LOVED ONES

If you are reading this and it reminds you of a significant person in your life, here's some ideas on how you can support someone who has their walls up! Just as with one exploring healing on their own If you do not have an understanding of what the wall is, you could get cut on some emotional razor wire!

Empathy

See them, hear them, understand, connect and reflect!  It's one of the key components described by Brene Brown in her audiobook “The Power Of Vulnerability” Avoid jumping to conclusions, listen and be curious by asking open ended questions not leading questions! Click Here for some info on what open ended questions look like

Empowerment Over Sympathy

People have cried for me over things that I've gone through and that’s weird, I’m here, I’m alive, and healthy, I made it though ...why are you crying? I told a friend about how much money I made in a year, and she told me she cried! How about highlighting that it's impressive to live as a single mom on a low income, maybe consider asking, “How do you do it? How on earth do you make this work?” I was left feeling like I couldn't be authentic and open around my friend. It seemed to hurt her, I felt unseen, and odd like there was something wrong with me. I also had a therapist who would listen to me and respond with “that's traumatic!” I admit I mitigate or diminish my experiences, however, I question whether that made the ordeal I was dealing with worse in the long run. Yet overall having someone to talk to was helpful! The truth is: How do tears or sympathy support another in a similar space? How does that support someone to grow or overcome their challenges? If it's tough to hear what someone has gone through, acknowledge your feelings with that, and acknowledge that they’ve gotten through it. The unrevealed fact is: They have mastered something you have not! Ask them how they got through it, and stand with them for their strength, resilience, power, etc.! Would you cry for David Blaine and his stunts? He intentionally made his choices to do the stunts, but at the end of the day he got through it and most people marvel afterwards. A challenge overcome is a challenge overcome no matter how it’s undertaken or what it specifically is. For a significant person in your life to share with you what they’ve learned, brings them out from behind the emotional wall and you will learn something in the process! Comment below on what came up for you and if this is something you need support with Click Here to set up a session Now!

[yourdeadbeatdad-blog]

Dear Internet,

Keeping this blog makes me so happy. It has opened up conversations with people that I have scarcely been able to have before. Even after writing professionally, I still find it hard to believe anyone would want to read my writing, let alone want to talk about it.

On my trip home this past weekend, I was graced my the presence of my aunties — my mom’s two sisters. They showered me with questions about skincare, so I wanted dedicate a post to them. Their goals, it seems to me, is to find products that are affordable, results-driven, and free of nasty ingredients. They also want to focus on skin care that is anti-aging.

Reader, we are fortunate enough in 2019 to have reached a point where cruelty-free, carcinogen-conscious brands are actually mainstream and have made it to Target and Walgreens (or Duane Reade, for my New Yorkers). You can actually build a clean routine at Target these days, and never step foot or pay another dollar at a Sephora.

I’ve noticed recently, how my skin care cabinet has become more and more affordable. It began with my love of Bliss, see here, and has blossomed into a love for several other affordable brands and products. —That being said, I think every woman needs a luxury lipstick, and a beauty product that they consider a secret. Trust me on this, a very expensive lipstick will make you feel like a very special person. This is a direct correlation, but perhaps that’s another blog post entirely…

To kickstart a skincare routine, I think you need to start with exfoliation.

(Un)Scrubs

Say it with me reader: “Ex-fo-li-ation” nation. Exfoliating is really going to kickstart the results of your skin care routine, and that’s a fact. When you have built-up dead skin cells lying on your face, it will prevent all the beneficial ingredients in your creams and serums from getting into your pores and doing the job right. Two good exfoliators?

The Bliss Jelly Glow Peel ($12). This is a good “scrub” for everyday use. Less like a scrub, and more like a jelly that rolls up as you rub it into your skin, it sloughs off some dead skin cells from the get-go and the fruit enzymes will work overtime to lift dead skin. I keep this in my shower and I tend to use it whenever I damn well please, since you really can’t over-do it with this one.

The Bliss Incredi-Peel pre-soaked exfoliating pads ($22) come individually wrapped. I took two on my four-night trip to Virginia. I used both because travel can really congest my skin. These must be used at night, and at first they will burn like the firery pits of hell, but over time, your skin will learn to love the burn. You’ll wake up glowing, I guarantee it. These are glycolic acid based, with witch hazel, licorice root, and vitamin E as well.

I like glycolic acid, I feel like she is the aged matriarch of chemical exfoliants. She has two beautiful but sometimes wily twins, AHA and BHA, and then she has one very gentle, emotional child in lactic acid. Retinol is her more accomplished sister, who studied at UChicago rather than Northwestern and will never let her forget it!

Go Wash Your Face

I used to live and die by the Juice Beauty Blemish Clearing Cleanser ($22), but for about a year now, I’ve been hooked on a $10 and a $14 cleanser. You can fight me on this, but cleansers are important. Of course, we wash them down the drain, but they are touching our face(s). I like a cream cleanser in the morning and a gel cleanser at night. For aging skin, skip the gel cleanser, it’ll dry you out.

For a good cream cleanser, look no further than the Blume Daydreamer Cleanser. I know, I know, the packaging is so boring, but I guarantee the product is a gem. This is a very thick and creamy cleanser. It’s not very emollient, but it does was off cleanly, and you only need two pumps. I don’t use this to take off makeup. It’s $14 on the Blume website.  think you can also buy it at Urban Outfitters now. Blume is a brand of organic pads and tampons, but they make wonderful skincare, just read about their Meltdown Oil here. This is a product that works with your skin and not against it.

However, if you are waging war against your face, may I recommend the Bliss Rose Gold Rescue Cleanser? It’s great for acne-prone skin. Gentle, yet effective, she is the ultimate knight in shining (rose gold) armor. It does contain colloidal gold, as well as rosewater, willow bark extract, and bergamot fruit extract.

Toner? I Just Met Her!

I’ve never really liked expensive toners, rosewater is just fine. The Heritage Store Rosewater is the best, and only $5-7 depending on where you buy. I’m not using it at the moment, but that, again, is another blog post entirely.

Good Night and Good Luck

Versed Glycolic Overnight Peel or Lilyana Naturals Retinol Cream: My friends, my family, my readers, it used to spend $70 on the Khiels Overnight Recovery Facial Oil, but no more. We live in a world where a $20 retinol cream or a $20 “Overnight peel” can take you really far. I’ve been using this retinol cream for 8 or 9 months now. It’s available on Amazon. I’ve gifted it to my mom, I recommend it to anyone who will listen, and I’m alway confident that the person will love it. If they don’t, then they’re really only out $20 and it’s not on your conscience. In addition to retinol, it has aloe, jojoba, Vitamin E, Vitamin B5, and all the good goods.

As for the Versed Cream, I’ve been using this every three nights for the sake of science and experimentation, of course. I find it gives very similar results to the Retinol cream. They are both thick and moisturizing creams that don’t clog my pores. I have very oily and acne prone skin, and some creams are just too rich for me (think Weleda Skin Food, which my face despises). But with these, I feel like I’m applying a protective layer at night, but it sinks in before bed. I never feels tacky, and with both of these I saw results the next morning.

I’m sad to say, I’m still working on finding a good daytime moisturizer from Target. I haven’t tried many, but I am currently working my way through a tub of the Drunk Elephant Protini Polypeptide Cream, a $60 choice that I love, but is unsustainable. Next up in my rotation will be the versed Dew Point Moisturizing Gel-Cream. I can’t give my thoughts on this just yet.

Eyes Up Here!

The eyes are windows to the soul, and even if you have an old soul you don’t want old eyes! I made a post on Instagram a few days ago about eyes, the eye area, temples, etcetera. The gist of that post was this: take care of your damn crows feet. For that, I’ve really been loving the Versed Vacation Eyes Brightening Eye Gel (and lip line helper). This gel is heavenly. It sinks in, non-sticky, and it really is instantly brightening. I love the pale lemon packaging, and the way it feels like a luxury to apply. Whatever is left over from my eyes, I like to put around my mouth because I don’t really want fine lines there either.

For an eye cream from Target, I will admit it’s pretty pricey, but nowhere near Sephora prices, and it’s SO DAMN WORTH IT.

Lip Service

Burt’s Bees Overnight Intensive Lip Treatment or Versed Silk Slip Lip Oil. In the winter, the Burt’s Bees lip balm, the minty one in the pot, is my favorite. It’s thick and moisturizing but cheap at $8.69 compared to its pricey sisters, the ByTerry Baum de Rose or the Dior Lip Balm or whatever outlandishly priced luxury lip balm you can think of– this stuff is just as good. But recently, my pick has been the Versed Silk Slip Lip Oil. More like a lip gloss, I like using this and foregoing any lip products. When I put this on, my lips look instantly rosier and fuller. It’s kind of remarkable. However, I do warn that the vitamin E in it, though long-lasting, is sticky as all hell. This gal? $9.99.

Treat Yourself (Modestly)

I love face masks. I love wearing them, I love shopping for them, and I love the results they give. This post has been heavy-handed with the Bliss and Versed products, so it probably comes as no surprise that their masks are also amazing. You can really tell that someone put a (non-corporate) amount of love and care and thought into these products. If you know me and you haven’t heard me mention the Bliss Mighty Marshmallow Mask, then you aren’t paying attention and that hurts my feelings. This is a great mask for plumping and hydrating the skin. It’s the best to use right before an event, a date, or a Monday, and it’s only $12-15 depending on where you buy. I’ve gone through 4 tubs.  A new but well-loved kaolin-based clarifying mask in my collection, the Versed Clarity Mud Mask, has been really helping to keep my skin clear and under control. It’s not drying at all and actually leaves my skin feeling supple and plumped, very similar to the Bliss Pore Patrol mask, which is also a favorite.

I want to end this post with a special mention for Curology, a service i’ve been using for almost a year. I love it. It’s an often-overlooked but very essential part of my routine, $20/bottle every few months. I think that’s deal for clear skin. In sum, good skincare can be $20 or less. I rest my case.

Have a great Saturday!

Grace

    News Flash: You Don’t Have to Use Expensive Skin Care Anymore Dear Internet, Keeping this blog makes me so happy. It has opened up conversations with people that I have scarcely been able to have before.

[stellar-sushi-blog]

too much asagao!kit

have you ever wanted five pages of useless information about my si? no? oh well here you go anyways!! the link to the original template is here. be warned, it’s like ten pages long.

Name: Victoria

Nickname: Kit

Origin of nickname: She used ‘Kit’ as a pen name when she wrote for the school newspaper. Her friends soon started using it jokingly, but it ended up sticking with her.

Age: 17

Sex: Female

Sexual Orientation: Panromantic Heterosexual

Current status: a..alive?

Birth date: November 17th

Current residence: Asagao Academy

Occupation: Student

Hobbies: Kit enjoys writing, doodling, making origami, going for walks, sewing plushies, working with ceramics, and doing volunteer work.

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Most important childhood “event” that still affects her: Kit almost always had her parents holding her hand. She even went to the same private school for 5th-8th grade where her mother worked. Also, before attending Asagao, she’d never spent more than two days away from one of her parents.

How? Because of the constant sheltering and guidance her parents gave her, Kit never learned how to do anything by herself and has a horrible time socializing and trying new things.

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How does she dress or what do they typically wear? For school, she wears the required white button-up, yellow vest, and black skirt. On her free days she normally chooses to wear a white tank top, black skinny jeans, and an oversized, crocheted cardigan.

Other outfits one might find in their wardrobe: Kit has WAY too many tank tops and gym shorts. Where do they keep coming from? Where does she get them all?? Why does she have them all??? Please stop her.

Jewelry:Her favorite pieces of jewelry are her hoops earrings, a silver and black onyx ring, and a bracelet with an octopus charm on it.

Health: In a physical sense, she’s alright despite having a heart problem. Her mental state isn’t the greatest, though.

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Habits/Obsessions: She loves Nokemon and candles. Even if she can’t burn them in her dorm room, she has like 20 candles.

Unique phrases/words: To her friends, she will blurt out random Italian phrases and curses to confuse them.

Do they curse, and if so, to what extent? Kit swears a moderate amount around friends, but only around friends.

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Describe their sleep patterns: She either sleeps for 13 hours straight, or sleeps for 5 hours.

Describe their bedroom: Kit’s side of the dorm is very messy, but it’s very well organized.

Describe their daily rituals:

Kit is normally awoken by a distressed Sammi twenty minutes before class. In a panic, she throws on her uniform, brushes her hair and teeth, then grabs her backpack before leaving.

In class, she can normally be found doodling and trying not to fall asleep.

When lunch rolls around and she has no other work to finish up, Kit goes to the library and reads until the next bell. Here, she also finds time to gawk at the cute, student council president and even the boy who is almost always in the nurse’s office.

After the second half of the day, she returns to the dorm to do homework. Once it’s finished, she eats dinner then either works on a creative project or plays games with her roommate.

Lastly, she makes her way to the bathroom for a shower before finally going to bed.

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How self-confident is the character? Not at all.

How does she see herself? As just another angsty teen who complains too much.

How do they believe she is perceived by others? She either thinks of herself as a queen, or a piece of crap. Depends on the day.

What does the character like least about themselves? Her constant need for attention.

How do they express themselves? By writing or drawing, normally.

Is this character generally dominant or submissive? Submissive

Most at ease when: She’s alone and safe, or just around friends in general.

Ill at ease when: She’s by herself in an unfamiliar area.

Describe their sense of humor: Kit will laugh at and joke about mostly everything, as long as it’s within some boundaries. She can go from laughing over a 12 year old’s joke to a joke about cannibalism.

If they could be described with one of the seven virtues, which would it be? Justice

If they could be described with one of the seven sins, which would it be? Envy/Sloth

Biggest Vulnerability (non physical): She’s easily threatened to do things.

Optimist or Pessimist: Pessimist.

Introvert or extrovert: Introvert.

Greatest Fear: BEARS

Other Fears/Insecurities/Phobias: Kit isn’t confident with her body/personality, is afraid of deep water, and fears fires.

Character's darkest, deepest secret: Her past.

Minor Secrets: She keeps the people she hates and has a crush on a secret.

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Favorite...

Color: Purple.

Clothing: Tank tops.

Place: The field near Asagao.

Room in the house and why: Bedroom/dorm. It’s warm and comfy.

Food/drinks: Any Italian foods + Slushies.

Subject in school: Creative Writing / Ceramics.

Animal: Cat.

Least Favorite...

Clothing: Socks.

Place: The city (when she’s by herself.)

Food: Meat.

Subject in school: Math.

Where does this character like to hang out? She likes to hang out in the library and her dorm room.

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How does this character deal with or react to…

Conflict/Danger: She’ll try to handle it calmly, but she also might cry.

Rejection: Lots and lots of tears and self deprecation

Fear: Run away or ignore it. Pray to God for help.

Change: Adapt or die, unless it’s completely traumatic.

Loss: Ignore the pain and get over it or cry until she passes out.

Sex/Flirting: Become insanely uncomfortable or go along with it.

Pain: Get as far away as possible from the cause of it, or deal with it.

Peer pressure: Tell the person trying to pressure her to fuck off.

Guilt: Cry and guilt-trip herself for fifteen years.

Being wrong: Panic and think about the mistake for hours after.

Being criticized: Normally, she’ll get angry or sad. On a good day, she’ll get over it and be extremely thankful for it. But, if it was unwarranted, she’ll get pissed beyond belief.

Offending others: Apologize hundreds of times and feel more guilt than she should.

Praise: Is… is this for me? Or are you talking to someone else?

How does this character feel about...

Marriage: She’s not really in a rush to get married, but it sounds like a cute thing to do.

Children: No.

Family/Family Values: She thinks that you should always treat your family with respect, unless they’re an asshole to you.

Old age: Doesn’t sound very fun.

Sex: [uncomfortable wheezing]

Love: Cute!! But she probably doesn’t deserve it.

Friendship/Other relationships: Please be her friend. She’s very lonely and she’ll bake sweets for you.

The opposite sex: CUTE

The same sex: CUTE

Money/Material things: Because of her family’s small fortune, she doesn’t really have to worry about money. She does, however, get very emotionally attached to some material objects.

Science: Biology is interesting and fun, but chemistry makes her head hurt.

Nature/Animals: She loves animals and would die for them.

Drugs and alcohol: Kit would never touch most drugs except for alcohol. Maybe.

What embarrasses this character? Pretty much anything sexual.

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Crushes: She has three crushes but would never act upon them. One on Paul and one on Jeff. Don’t ask her about the third one or else she’ll die from embarrassment.

Girlfriend/Boyfriend(s): N/A

Best Friend: Sammi

Friends: All of 8BB

Pets: Sometimes she hoards stray cats in her dorm when she finds them in the city. (She does, however, give them up to a shelter when she gets the chance.)

What kind of person would she consider to be the perfect partner? Someone who is kind, supportive, and can take a joke. She’d also like someone who will play games with her and stay up until 4am.

Is the character judgmental of others and how so? If you’re an asshole to someone around her, Kit will judge you until you die and never let it go.

How is she perceived by...

Strangers? Who is this awkward girl? Why is she trying to joke with me? Where are her parents?

Friends? Please stop telling me to do my homework and please stop trying to fight anyone who looks at me wrong. Yes, Kit, we’re friends. You don’t need to ask so often. Please stop baking for me. You damn meme-loving fuck.

Coworker/Colleague? Why does this girl keep stuttering in class? What is she so nervous about?

Lovers? Since when was I dating this nerd and how does she manage to bake me a cake every few weeks?

Describe their sense of trust: Kit really wants to be able to trust everyone. But, if you break her trust, she will ignore you for the rest of your life.

What type of individuals does she like or associate with? She likes to hang around nerds, because it sums up her interests pretty well.

What type of individuals doesn't she like or associate with? Jocks. She thinks that if she associates with them, people with figure that she’s also a jock even though she’s far from it.

What do family/friends like most about character? She’s good at keeping up conversations and is very adaptable to new situations.

What do family/friends like least about character? She’s awkward and can often push herself away from everyone for weeks at a time.

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Birthparent(s): A mother and a father.

Are they still alive? Yes.

Did they raise this character? Yes.

What did they do for a living? Her mother works at a private middle school and her father is a petroleum engineer.

Caretakers: She had a nanny when she was younger.

Are they still alive? Yes

At what age did the caretakers begin to raise this character? From when she was born to when she was 12.

Siblings (if any): A half-sister and half-brother.

Describe how each one treats this character: Her sister, when she lived with Kit, was very kind to her. Her brother used to be very angry with her, but eventually mellowed out and they’re now friends.

Does this character still keep in contact with their siblings? Only with her brother.

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If this character were an animal, what would they be? An armadillo.

Why? Low body temperature, hides in a ball when scared, long nails, not really dangerous, and runs from humans.

What would happen if this character became physically handicapped, and how would that change them? Her depression might worsen, but she’d definitely try not to let it affect her daily routines.

What would this character do if spontaneously placed in a whole new and unfamiliar environment? She’d be terrified, but would at least make an attempt to communicate and get home asap.

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What song best fits this character? Say Anything - Do Better

If you could compare this character to an existing character, who would she be and why? Ashley from Until Dawn, maybe.

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Character's role in the story: Background character. Very minor.

Scene where character first appears: When Mai pulls Hana away from Ian, they bump into Kit. She is shown very briefly and only manages to force out a “Oh, s-sorry!” before running off. This leads to Mai explaining Hidden Block, then 8-Bit Blossoms.

Relationships with other characters: She treats Hana very nicely, is a little afraid of Mai, loves her roommate, and is eternally greatful for Mr. McPasta constantly bandaging her hands up from ceramics class. For anyone else, she tries to act very polite but her tendency to joke may make her come off as a bit blunt.

[lbosworld-blog]

A Spiritual Study Guide: How to Excel in ALL Your Classes

When the time of year for finals comes around, students are known for pulling all-nighters, eating junk food, or not eating at all and being stressed out cramming for h o u r s. 

Sidenote: The point of attending a lecture is for us to be learning throughout the quarter or semester, so having to cram shouldn’t really be a thing. Now whether this is on us or the school system, ...well that’s for another blog. 

Something in my spirit just doesn’t sit right with this. If this is normal for all college students, then something has to be different for Christian college students, right? If God is a God of peace, who has ALL knowledge and is FOR His children, I have to believe this applies to EVERY area of our lives, especially academics. 

What’s unfortunately another common trend, because we get so busy and stressed out with studying, is that we somehow get too busy to pray or to read our Bible, or go to church. Our routine, if we had one to begin with, goes completely out the window.  

Now, if we think we are too busy to pray because we have an exam to study for or paper to write, we are clearly deceived. The worst thing you can do as you study is neglect to pray. Why, you ask? Well if God created your teacher and gave them the knowledge, and God sees everything, meaning He knows EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING TO BE ON THE EXAM, and He is FOR His children and desires they should prosper in all things... I have to believe consulting Him can only lead to good. That He can direct us and tell us what to study and what not to study. That He can give us a creative approach to take on a paper that no one else has thought of. That He will literally speak through us as we give a presentation. 

To some people, this may seem like a stretch. But I am confident in all of this because, ONE I have seen in scripture this is in line with the character of God. TWO, I have seen it with my own eyes. Recently, as I was reading through the book of Deuteronomy, seeing how God interacted with the children of Israel further confirmed this for me. 

Sidenote: Any debate about why God would make them kill other people, why God only chose Israel in the Old Testament and what that says about God, well we can talk about that later... or you can read this https://www.gotquestions.org/Canaanites-extermination.html

Consistently, throughout the history of the children of Israel God warns them to steer clear of relationship with foreign peoples. And initially God’s warning seems really cruel and unfair: 

However, in the cities of the nations the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance, do not leave alive anything that breathes. Completely destroy them—the Hittites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites—as the Lord your God has commanded you. Otherwise, they will teach you to follow all the detestable things they do in worshiping their gods, and you will sin against the Lord your God. Deuteronomy 20:16-18

We can focus on the destroying or we can focus on the significance of it. If the Israelites do not destroy everything in the land, it leaves room for them to adapt the mentality, the gods, and the way of life of the people of the land they took over. And we see this happen numerous times throughout their history. 

So I know you’re thinking it, “Latetia, what does this have to do with this Life Science final I have.” Well thank you for your patience and for asking. 

My friend, it has everything to do with it!!! As children of God we are called to stand out. To be different. But what happens, most of the time, in college (and I am specifically talking about finals, but this can apply to any area of our lives) we adapt to the land. See, why they were supposed to destroy everything, consecrate themselves, is so they would not be distracted . So they would not turn to other gods (life stress, which takes many different forms during finals). The point was to never forget God. Because God knows His children. And He knows any small thing can become a big thing for us and make us forget Him. 

So, let’s talk about your final, or your college life, whatever God wants to speak to. We take on the mentality of “normal college life.” So while we are called to conquer our university and excel, we end up blending in and looking like everyone else. Can I tell you, you were made for so much more than this academically? You were called not only to pass, but to excel. When God says He does exceedingly and abundantly above all we can ask or think, that includes our academics. 

So I know you’re thinking, wow this all sounds great and this girl is talking a really big game, but she still hasn’t proven this works. 

Well it’s TESTIMONY TIME!!! 

One of the ways I spend my study breaks, is reading the Bible. And when I get stuck I literally ask for the Holy Spirit to help me. Well I had a presentation the other day. It was on a topic of my choice and because I am the only Black person in this class, I thought this was the perfect opportunity to talk about Black people. You know consciousness. So I chose to talk about the history of intersectionality (gender, race, class, sexuality) in Black TV and how that paved the way for Obama (that’s a stretch, yet intriguing). Now, I promise you I am not that smart! But by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, this presentation flowed so well together and was just so fun to create. But what was even more amazing to me was the confidence I had during the presentation. As I was speaking, I started to get even more revelation and made connections I didn’t originally think of. The whole class was engaged, and my professor loved the presentation and it helped inspire him and the book he is working on. He even commented that this needs to be something I research, and more work needs to be done on this topic. Need I remind you: I  AM NOT THAT SMART. 

Now to clarify, I do not think I am dumb. I just know my limits when it comes to the knowledge I have. And I know in that moment, in that classroom, because my persistence to seek the Holy Spirit before and during the presentation, I stood out. And I only stood out above the rest, because God flowed through me. And I firmly believe people saw Jesus. 

So yes, during this season of studying, we can get by stressing ourselves out and worrying like other people do. But we will not be people who stand out. And we may pass, but we will have a hard time excelling. 

Sidenote: Now there are other people who do very well the typical college way. And that gets at a principle, in which you do A and B has to happen no matter what, but that is for another blog. In sum, you can still do well the college way, but there is a better and simpler way, which causes people to glorify God working through you. 

One more thing, I know some of you must be thinking, Latetia, you’re a UCLA North Campus major, you all don’t have to do any REAL WORK. 

Sidenote: North campus = Humanities and Social Sciences, South Campus= Life Sciences.

Well you are right. I am not a South campus major. I am not called to be a South campus major. If you are a South campus major and God has called you there, this means you are called to excel there, just like North campus majors excel. On both ends, the call is for us to not rely on our own strength. North campus, South campus, your call is to rely on the power of God working through you. So that you stand out and show people Jesus. 

One more scripture before we get to some practicals: 

“and shall say to them, 'Hear, O Israel, today you are drawing near for battle against your enemies: let not your heart faint. Do not fear or panic or be in dread of them, for the Lord your God is he who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies, to give you the victory.'” Deuteronomy 20:3-4 ESV

I read this scripture this morning, and it really stuck out to me. God encouraged the children of Israel not to worry about a war. We’re talking about war. Meaning their lives are at stake if they fight, I’d be scared too. But God says they have no need to worry because God is the one who fights and gives them victory. As adopted children this must also be true for us. We are not fighting a literal war, but we are fighting. Fighting to excel. And if God is with the children of Israel and tells them not to worry about a war, he must say the same thing to us. That means that we don’t have to stress, we don’t have to worry, and we indeed have nothing to fear. GOD GOES BEFORE US AND HE GIVES US VICTORY!!! But this requires us to trust Him. To see our studies as a means to glorify God. And to put God first knowing He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek them. You have nothing to lose by taking a moment in the presence of God, but you have a whole war to lose if you don’t. 

So what do we do? Here are some practical steps.

1. Make it a habit, rhythm, lifestyle to spend time with Jesus regularly.

 Not begging or asking for anything but sincerely recognizing who He is. Keep this up when finals come. This will help remind you of who God is which will remind you of who you are. You are a conquerer and you were made to excel and you will excel. 

2. Read over scripture that affirms this is true about God.

https://www.openbible.info/topics/school

3. Take care of your temple.

 Keep up rhythms you normally have. Eat well. Exercise. Get good sleep and rest. 

4. Ask God for guidance.

When your stressed remember God is above time and can teach you anything quicker than anyone else. So when you get stuck pray for divine inspiration. Here’s a sample prayer: 

“Holy Spirit please give me guidance and direction.”

Yes it’s that simple.

5. Take breaks. Productive ones. 

Read you Bible. Pray. Spend time with friends. Laugh. Exercise. etc. 

6. Ask for help.

 If you’re struggling ask for someone to pray for you. Ask the community around you if you don’t have time to get food, need some encouragement, or need someone to study with.

7. Serve other people.

 The best sacrifice we can give is when we serve other people. God rewards this. Remember God is the author of time. He knows how much time you need. So even if you have a final the next day, if God asks you to pray for someone or go out of your way for someone, do it. God will bless you and will not leave you empty for what he has assigned you. I had a paper due the same day I wrote this. And barely started it. But I stopped to write this blog because I firmly believed that people needed to hear this. And that me doing this was just reminding me of these same truths, which I needed. And you can be sure I finished the paper in perfect time. And it went really well. That’s just how God works!! 

8. Listen to worship music.

Study better with no words, but still wanna worship. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUoAvDWal9Y&t=6862s

Need some worship to motivate you and get you pumped. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLMts1iJZLLGilmQB-CjIN9KcTCZR2ShtM

Just need some songs to remind you of how good God is and that you can make it through. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL38699F80B71E62CD

9. Pray before the exam.

 Ask God to bring things back to your remembrance and that you will glorify Him in your work. 

10. Give all the glory back to God!

 When you do well remember it was God. If you respond with a posture of gratefulness it will remind you the next time how God came through and give you confidence that He can do it again. And this will encourage others to do the same! 

When the Israelites consistently fought and won wars people saw something special about them. They stood out. And it made the people they fought against realize the God of the Israelites has power. The God of the Israelites is real and truly fights for them.

I promise this will really make a difference. We are called to perform at a supernatural level. God desires for us to do so. We just have to seek Him in everything. 

We will be students who stand out above our classmates and peers. They will say “Something is different about this person. Their God must really fight for them!” Or something like that LOL 

Trust me, this works! And if you don’t trust me, try trusting Him and see how that goes. Stress, late nights, tons of coffee hasn’t done too much for you. So give God a shot. (no pun intended) 

[disappearingground]

Jenny Lewis Is Still Figuring It Out

The Cut March 19, 2019

The singer-songwriter’s new album follows a major breakup and her mother’s death.

By Gabriella Paiella

“I feel like I’m living the Laurel Canyon version of the movie Big,” Jenny Lewis says, as she fires up her pinball machine and puts on a hot pink trucker cap that reads “BEST FRIENDS” in black lettering.

The comparison to the 1988 Tom Hanks film — in which a seventh-grader wakes up one day in the body of a 30-year-old man — feels apt when it comes to her décor. Her house, affectionately nicknamed “Mint Chip” for its brown and green exterior, has a full drum kit and a pink girl’s bike (a recent eBay purchase) set up in the entryway to the living room. She’s projecting The Adventures of Mark Twain, an obscure claymation fantasy film from the ’80s, onto a blank white wall. Across from the pinball machine, in her guest room, hangs a oversized promotional cutout for The Wizard, featuring Lewis’s beaming 13-year-old face next to Fred Savage — her thick, red bangs unchanged in the 30 years since the movie came out.

The distinct vibe of kids’ clubhouse–meets–bachelorette pad is most pronounced on her bedroom walls, which a friend recently convinced Lewis to paint a pale, blush pink. The 43-year-old singer-songwriter was so pleased with the color — Benjamin Moore Teacup Rose 2170-50 — that she plans to use it as her stage backdrop when she hits the road this spring to promote On the Line, her fourth solo album.

Lewis has spent decades in the public eye, or at least in its peripheral vision. Her child-actor days gave way to a musical career in 1998, when she formed the band Rilo Kiley alongside fellow former child actor (and then-boyfriend) Blake Sennett. The couple broke up, but the band stayed together, making a handful of moody, memorable records. As Rilo Kiley’s front woman, she sang with an assertive candor, revealing her deepest vulnerabilities around sex and heartbreak and familial relationships through soaring, irresistible power-pop choruses. Her personal style, comprised of vintage baby-doll dresses and an array of rompers, landed on the enviable side of mid-aughts twee. She reclaimed elements of a male-dominated rock scene and made them accessible for openhearted young women. Lewis released her first solo album, the country-tinged Rabbit Fur Coat, in 2006, giving her credibility with millennial indie fans as a stand-alone artist.

Her influence from that era is best summed up by the actress Kristen Stewart, a paragon of blasé self-presentation, who told James Corden that Lewis was the one celebrity she was most nervous to meet. “I couldn’t breathe,” Stewart said of her now-friend. “I literally just completely caved in front of her.” Lewis is touched by this sort of sentiment from early fans, women who heard her music, she says, “just at the perfect age.” It’s an intense fandom, if limited to a certain demographic.

“I get recognized at Whole Foods,” she concedes. “A lot.”

Lewis has always maintained an outward image of alluring self-sufficiency, repeatedly reinventing herself — from child star to alternative front woman to thriving solo act. Now, the indie rocker is figuring out what this new version of independence looks like. Inside her charmed house, underneath her cheerful exterior, she’s working through a heavier chapter in life. That bedroom paint color, the one that she likes so much that she’s hauling it with her across the country, was introduced after her boyfriend of 12 years, musician Johnathan Rice, moved out. Shortly after her breakup, she was dealt another seismic blow: Her long-estranged mother, who frequently appeared in Lewis’s songs, died of liver cancer.

As far as cathartic albums go, On the Line is pretty upbeat. It has a more robust and straightforward rock sound than her previous work, but still hews to her signature style of combining gentle melodies and syrupy, shining vocals with accounts of darkness and desperation, all topped off with a reckless shrug. The new songs are thrillingly unfettered. On one track, she sings about getting “wired on Red Bull and Hennessy,” on another, she sits “in a black Corvette, getting head in the shadows.” Today we’re in for a far more wholesome, laid-back scene: On Lewis’s suggestion, we’re going for a nature hike.

As the two of us trudge up the dusty canyon trail near her house, I’m struck by how much Jenny Lewis looks like Jenny Lewis, even when she’s hiking. Her trademark long red hair is set in soft waves, and her bangs — the bangs that launched a thousand trims — are swept slightly to the side. Before I have the chance to mention it, she calls herself out for wearing “truly the weirdest hiking outfit.” Her tight, ’70s-era burgundy track pants, John and Yoko T-shirt, snug navy fleece, and electric blue sneakers are decidedly out of place among the slew of sweatpants and practical Merrell boots. A miniature gold pot-leaf necklace that she bought on tour dangles at the collar of her T-shirt. Lewis loves weed. “I didn’t smoke weed for two weeks, which was really good,” she tells me. “And then, I did smoke weed. Honestly, I prefer being stoned.” A typical day for her involves waking up around 8:30 a.m., going for a hike or to yoga class, getting some work done, and then getting stoned and playing music, before she settles in to FaceTime her friends, whom she’s leaned on heavily during these past few years. (I’ve caught Lewis in the afternoon, so, do the math.)

Lewis typically divides her time between Los Angeles and Nashville, but took off for the East Village in 2016 to crash with one of those friends — the musician Annie Clark, better known as St. Vincent — after her breakup with Rice. The separation wasn’t dramatic or antagonistic, but after more than a decade the relationship had run its course. “It’s a trip coming out of that,” she tells me. “I was with someone for the second half of my 20s and my entire 30s, so to reemerge in a dating context … ” Lewis trails off, before clarifying that she’s not in any sort of rush to end her relatively new singlehood. She tells me she refuses to get on Raya, the preferred dating app for celebrities, mostly because she doesn’t feel like making the required video for her profile (which is actually just a slideshow of photos set to music). On her last album, 2014’s The Voyager, she sang teasingly about her biological clock and being “just another lady without a baby”; but as we amble along, she admits that she’s experienced a pull toward motherhood. Still, she’s leaving that up to fate, too. “There is this biological pressure that I have felt. Certainly it’s on my mind,” Lewis says matter-of-factly. “I’m not going to freeze my eggs, which is something that I’ve had a lot of talks about with a lot of friends. That’s just not my style. So, I guess we’ll see what happens.”

Right around the time she was reevaluating her feelings about partnership and parenthood, Lewis had to start dealing with other heavy family matters — the kind that make you think deeply about your choices around partnership and parenthood. “People wonder why you take so much time between records,” she says of the five-year lapse since The Voyager. “It’s like, people fucking die.” We stop to sit at a small outdoor amphitheater nestled in a shaded area off the hiking trail, where she tells me about her mother’s death.

Lewis had been more or less estranged from her parents, who were also musicians, since she was 16. Her father left the family when she was a toddler, but with the support of Rice and other musician friends, Lewis invited him to play harmonica on her 2008 album Acid Tongue. Their reconciliation happened shortly before he died in 2010. Her relationship with her mother, who raised her, was more complicated. In 2014, she told the New York Times that her family had lost all the money she earned from her acting career; her songs about mother figures frequently reference drug abuse and mental illness. (She recently revealed to Rolling Stone that her mother was a heroin addict.) They weren’t in contact for years, but Lewis says that her mother was her biggest fan. “She really got me. And that’s why we couldn’t be together, because it was just not healthy for me,” Lewis reflects, tearing up slightly. “It was not a good thing. She thought every song was about her.” This new album does devote a soulful, slow-burning song to “a mother-and-child emergency” in a hospital, which ends “under a cool white sheet.”

By the time Lewis found out about her mother’s liver cancer, it was terminal. She wouldn’t describe their reunion and reconciliation as giving her closure but, rather, “open-sure.” Lewis spent the last two months of her mother’s life visiting her at the hospital every day, until she passed in October 2017. “I would bring a smoothie that I made from home, like a health smoothie. And my sister would bring a Slurpee,” she tells me. “And we’d have a fight about it.” Whose beverage triumphed?

“The Slurpee won, duh! No one wants a stinking smoothie if they’re dying!”

Finding herself alone for the first time in years, Lewis says she’s “really open to experiences and adventure.” She’s comfortable talking about her parents, in a way she never was when they were still alive. She’s traveling more than she ever has — Lewis eagerly shares stories about a solo trip to watch Manny Pacquiao and Adrien Broner box in Vegas, about meeting a Catholic priest backstage at a Grateful Dead concert in New York City and a voodoo priest who spit rum in her eyeballs while she was on mushrooms in Haiti.

She’s experimenting with a sexier look onstage, replacing her 2014 tour wardrobe of rainbow, Nudie Cohn–esque suits with tight jumpsuits and ample cleavage. “I wanted to wear things that were a little more body-conscious,” she explains. “I feel like I’ve always covered up.” And she’s collaborating with people she hasn’t worked with before, including heavy hitters like Ringo Starr, who plays drums on On the Line. (The album also features contributions from Ryan Adams, whom several women accused of emotional abuse and sexual misconduct, including sending explicit texts to an underage fan. This news broke a few weeks after our hike, and when asked for comment, Lewis sent me the same statement she’d tweeted days after the news: “I am deeply troubled by Ryan Adams’s alleged behavior. Although he and I had a working professional relationship, I stand in solidarity with the women who have come forward.”)

All this openness has been healing and even a little transcendent. The night before our meeting, there was a much-anticipated lunar eclipse of the year’s first full moon — the Super Blood Wolf Moon Eclipse. Lewis tells me earnestly that it was important for her to look at the moon that night, to take in something that felt bigger than herself. “You see something like that and it’s just like, some force outside of yourself that illuminates the unknown factor,” she says, sitting cross-legged in the empty amphitheater. “Because when you see someone pass — or your parents, which, we all go through that — it’s a beautiful mystery. It’s such a psychedelic experience. And I guess you don’t know how that feels until you know how that feels.” And how, exactly, did that feel? “It’s a trip, man. A fucking trip.”

[justanotherboyinblue]

01. do i have a good relationship with my parents? well yes and no, they’re abusive fuckers and i hate them a lot of the time but they can also be really nice and cool and fun so idk, mostly a no 02. who did i last say ‘i love you’ to? my friend ella when we said goodnight 03. do i regret anything? pFFFFFT of fucking course i do, many many things 04. am i insecure? oh you betcha 05. what is my relationship status? single as a pringle, my gf that i’ve mentioned in some posts broke up with me a few days ago so lmao 06. how do i want to die? weird question but okay, in my sleep i suppose, like most other people 07. what did i last eat? uhhhh honey wheat twist pretzels last night 08. played any sports? competitively no, and i’m homeschooled so no school sports, but i’ve played gertball and volleyball and other backyard partyish sports 09. do i bite my nails? nope, i either keep them to the quick or long with nail polish so i don’t get that dysphoria ya feel 10. when was my last physical fight? i have no fuckin idea bro, we fight with our words in this household 11. do i like someone? i still got feelings for my ex so yeah 12. have i ever stayed up for 48 hours? tf no, i’ve stayed up for a solid 20-24 tho 13. do i hate anyone at the moment? not that i can feel no, i do have a strong distaste for a lot of people but not hate i don’t think 14. do i miss someone? oh hell yeah, i miss old friends and my aunt that i saw literally yesterday and i miss my kitty Trinity who passed away over a year ago 15. have any pets? yessire i do, four cats and one dog inside and like five cats outside  16. how exactly am i feeling at the moment? pretty meh, i’m real hungry tho, waitin on my brother to make sum mac n cheese for us, but overall chill ig 17. ever made out in the bathroom? i have only had one, count em, one, kiss in my entire life and it was nonconsensual and they were drunk so that’d be a no 18. am i scared of spiders? oh FUCK yeah i am, if i see one it’s usually fine enough as long as they’re stationary and not near me, but if it’s in my room i will hyperventilate and it will be dead shortly. i once had an attack bcuz my fucktard of a brother kicked on at me so that was fun 19. would i go back in time if i was given the chance? i mean probably but i don’t think i would change anything really 20. where was the last place i snogged someone? ‘snogged’? what are we british. uhh the above mentioned kiss was in my best friends guest room of their house, the same best friend that mauled me with their face 21. what are my plans for this weekend? idk, work on my play probably. i have to get it done by the 15th or i fail my grade so woooo 22. do i want to have kids? big fat no 23. do i have piercings? how many? i do, i have the standard two in my ears. i want an additional three that i’m gonna get most likely around christmas 24. what is/are/were my best subject(s)? i don’t think i really have one tbh, writing maybe? ohhhh no definitely art, i love art when it’s fun and they give good assignments 25/ do i miss anyone from my past? just Trinity i think 26. what am i craving right now? well i’m always craving thin mints but a bowl of that mac n cheese that my brother’s making would be absolutely fabulous rn 27. have i ever broken someone’s heart? i know of one instance, but there were probably others as well. i broke up with this abusive fuckboy and had to then talk him out of suicide immediately after so that was fun 28. have i ever been cheated on? no idea, probably 29. have i made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? again, no idea, but probably  30. what’s irritation me right now? nothing particular, just the usual homophobic/transphobic/abusive bullshit i get from people  31. does somebody love me? not romantically i don’t think, but i have people who platonically/familially love me yeah 32. what is my favorite color? i have three, sunset orange, black, and a very specific sea foam blue color 33. do i have trust issues? i do, but i think i’m getting better the more good and non-abusive relationships i have 34. who/what was my last dream about? so if i dream at night it’ll be like three dreams a night, the last one in the set of dreams i had was about greek gods and where everyone stood in the pantheon and why, no clue what that was about 35. who was the last person i cried in front of? uhhh i walked past my brother while i was crying on my way to lock myself in the bathroom 36. do i give out second chance too easily? oh fuck yeah, but i’m working on it 37. is it easier to forgive or forget? forget for sure, my memory is shit XD forgive tho, i never forget when someone has wronged me. usually the deal is when i’ve gotten over the pain, or forgotten about it, i’ll give second chances to the offenders, which i’m working on not doing 38. is this year the best year of my life? i mean probably, i’ve had some of my happiest and worst moments this year 39. how old was i when i had my first kiss? 13 40. have i ever walked outside completely naked? hell naw 51. favorite food? mashed potatoes for sure 52. do i believe everything happens for a reason? i’m Christian so i kinda have to lmao, but yes 53. what is the last thing i did before i went to bed last night? uhhh stuff 54. is cheating ever okay? only in very very specific circumstances 55. am i mean? a lot of the time i think so, but i also think i’m kind a lot more 56. how many people have i fist fought? uh, one? my brother lol, and it wasn’t even fighting i was just so angry i kinda flailed at him 57. do i believe in true love? i guess, i don’t know 58. favorite weather? rain, bonus points if thunder 59. do i like the snow? oh absolutely  60. do i wanna get married? eventually, when i’m ready and have met the right person yeah 61. is it cute when a boy/girl calls me baby? only if dating, and not boys cuz i’m not attracted to them so lmao 62. what makes me happy? oh gosh so many things. baking, cooking, hanging out with friends, reading, writing, petting/playing with cats, ferrets, snakes, drawing, coloring, watching tv, playing video games, music, etc. etc. 63. would i change my name? lmaoooo already did 64. would it be hard to kiss the last person i kissed? uh yah, for obvious reasons 65. my best friend of the opposite sex likes me, what do i do? well if my best male friend liked me then i would have to turn him down bcuz don’t like boys, and if my best female friend liked me i don’t know what i would do tbh, i might date them? as much as i love them and support them and they’re valid as fuck, she’s a transwoman who still looks like a guy so rip 66. do i have a friend of the opposite sex who i can act my complete self around? my best male friend absolutely, other friends unsure about 67. who was the last person of the opposite sex i talked to? female was ella and male was like a casual friend tim 68. who’s the last person i had a deep conversation with? damn, probably my best male friend or my ex  69. do i believe in soulmates? yepper (69? nice) 70. is there anyone i would die for? ending with a big one i see, okay i see how it is. yes, there are many people i would die for.

[7fwmrdcg-blog]

What happens if a driver is added to an auto insurance plan?

What happens if a driver is added to an auto insurance plan?

I know that the rates will go up, but what happens when a driver is added during the middle of a 6 month coverage period?

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :bestinsurancequotes.top

SOURCES:

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