#at the ripe ole age of 32

[starshipblueberry]

Hey fellow bisexuals I love you so much happy pride.

[grandzombiefest]

.

[bardicious]

Making sense of Kirk's Timeline

It's another day for thoughts of Jim Kirk 😩

Little Jimmy stuck on Tarsus IV at the ripe ole age of 13, forced into a leadership position to protect younger kids, sentenced to death because he was deemed lesser and unfit for living. And then being "rescued" soon after by the late Starfleet ships.

Between the ages of 19-21, he became a cadet and was instantly bullied by Finnegan. Around the age of 21, he beat the Kobayashi Maru, and met Benjamin Finney. His relationship with Finney was so close, Finney named his daughter after Jim.

Possibly graduated Starfleet Academy at the age of 21 and granted ensign rank and boarded the Farragut.

At some point**, boards the Republic and meets Finney again, and got Finney reprimanded and demoted. Eventually boards the Farragut. Meets Tyree, inhabitant of Neural, at the age of 22.

At the age of 24, faces off against the Dikironium cloud creature at Tycho IV. Blames himself for the death of half his ship crewmates, including his Captain at the time.

Ages 24-26, possibly after the Tycho IV disaster, Jim comes back to the academy as an instructor and meets Janice Lester, they have a relationship for a year before it falls apart due to Janice Lester's bitterness. Sometime in the next year, Jim meets Gary Mitchell, who probably introduced him to Carol Marcus, the "little blond lab technician". In the couple of years as an instructor, Jim gained a reputation as a "stack of books with legs" and a "you either think or sink" professor, who nearly flunked Mitchell out of the academy.

At the age of 26, becomes the youngest first officer in starfleet (due to his commendations from the Tycho IV incident), breaking his father's record. In the same year, Pike shows interest in him as a potential successor due to time travel shenanigans. The same year, his on again off again girlfriend becomes pregnant with their son, David. Jim also meets Uhura, Spock, presumably Chapel and Mbenga this year.

At the age of 27, Jim is officially a father, but his relationship with Carol Marcus is presumed to have ended and he is not allowed in his son's life.

Between the ages of 27-32, probably more horrors to witness. 😭💀

Becomes youngest Captain, Captain to the Enterprise at the age of 32.

Ages 32-37, Jim Kirk captains the Enterprise and goes through an insane amount of trauma.

Age of 37, Jim becomes admiral and recommends Will Decker to be his successor. Spock leaves to purge his emotions. Jim is earthbound.

Three years later, Jim is 40, TMP occurs, the Enterprise goes on it's next five year mission.***

** Much like Jim boards the Enterprise sometimes, it seems he's done this to other ships as well, which can possibly be how he met up with Finney again on the Republic. Wikia mentions Kirk being a midshipman but that doesn't make any sense, and likely retconned out because of that.

*** There doesn't appear to be any consistent answer to how much time took place between TOS and TMP, but imo, I like the idea of the original timeline taking place at the years of release but in 2200s, so I'm sticking with that and ignoring inconsistencies.

**** Some information had to be rearranged and timing hypothesized due to vague canon descriptions. I went for what made sense. Idk what the standard cadet schooling is, but boy, it seems like Jim excelled.

[f0xxyb0xxes]

At the ripe ol age of 32, I just watched Howl’s Moving Castle and My Neighbor Totoro for the first time.

Spirited Away and Kiki’s Delivery Service are next.

[creativerogues]

The All-Knowing Player...

In the Dungeon Master’s Guide, the rules for Training say that you can train a number of days to gain a new Skill Proficiency, Tool Proficiency, Language or Feat.

To gain a new language, feat or proficiency, you need to train for 250 days and pay 1 gold piece a day, every day, according to Page 187 of the Player’s Handbook.

So, using this, let’s do another “Build”, and find out just how long it would take to learn every Language, and gain Proficiency in every Tool and every Skill, and gain every Feat.

So, just in case it takes us a few years to become unstoppable, let’s choose Elf for our race, and start at the ripe ol’ mature age of 120.

For this build, I’m picking High Elf, but you can pick whatever race you like...

Now, let’s take a look at the Feats first, since some of the Feats allow us to gain Proficiency in other things.

Now, Feats like Elemental Adept can be taken Multiple Times, and Elemental Adept can be taken for Acid, Cold, Fire, Lightning and Thunder Damage respectively.

The Weapon Master Feat lets us gain proficiency with four weapons of our choice.

Other Feats like Heavily Armoured require our Elf to know other Feats. So we need the Lightly Armoured Feat before getting the Moderately Armoured Feat, and we need to know the Moderately Armoured Feat before Training to gain the Heavily Armoured Feat.

The Linguist Feat allows us to learn three languages, but cannot be taken multiple times according to the PHB.

The Skilled Feat allows us to learn three skills or tools of our choice, but again, cannot be taken multiple times according to the PHB.

Some of the Feats require us to be able to cast at least one 1st Level Spell, but thanks to the Magic Initiate Feat, we know not only a 1st level spell, but two cantrips, plus our extra cantrip from being a High Elf.

And from Xanathar’s Guide to Everything, we can gain two extra feats, Fey Teleportation and Elven Accuracy.

Fey Teleportation let’s us learn Sylvan. And that’s worth noting.

So, to learn all these feats, taking 250 days per Feat, takes 12,000 Days, or about 32 Years if we take the Earth Calendar of 365.25 Days in a Year.

But, now let’s look at Languages!

As a High Elf, we know Common and Elvish, and as a High Elf we get an Extra Language, plus with the Fey Teleportation Feat, we know Sylvan.

And from the Linguist Feat, we learn three more!

So that’s seven Languages out of a Total Number of Official Languages of 26 from what I can find...

So to learn the other 19 Languages takes 4,750 days, or about 13 Years.

And now onto Tools!

So, to learn all the different Tools, including Artisan’s Tools, Kits, Gaming Sets and Musical Instruments, takes approximately:

4,000 Days for Artisan’s Tools

500 Days for Gaming Sets

2,500 Days for all Musical Instruments

250 Days for Navigator’s Tools

250 Days for Thieve’s Tools

500 Days for Vehicles (both Land and Water)

1,250 Days for all the Different Kits

For a total of 9,250 Days, or 25 Years...

And finally, Skills!

No matter what Class our Elf is, we’ll get a minimum number of two Skill Proficiencies, and an additional two Skill Proficiencies from whatever Background we pick, and finally our High Elf gains Proficiency in the Perception Skill thanks to their Keen Senses Trait.

And thanks to our Skilled Feat, we gain three extra Skill Proficiencies, for a base total of 8 Skill Proficiencies.

So, out of the 18 Skill Proficiencies we could have, we have 8, so it’ll take 2,500 Days to gain Proficieny in Every Single Skill.

So let’s total it all up...

2,500 Days to gain Proficiency in all Skills

4,000 Days for Artisan’s Tools

500 Days for Gaming Sets

2,500 Days for all Musical Instruments

250 Days for Navigator’s Tools

250 Days for Thieve’s Tools

500 Days for Vehicles (both Land and Water)

1,250 Days for all the Different Kits

4,750 Days to learn all Languages

12,000 Days to learn all Feats

So, Drumroll please...

That’s a total, to learn everything, of 28,500 Days, or in Earth Time, approximately 78 Years, and 11 Days.

Making our Elf 198 Years and 11 Days old, so still pretty young for an Elf...

Now, in the Forgotten Realms, there are exactly 365 days in the year, split up into twelve months of thirty days each.

So, taking out the 0.25 Days in a Year, while not changing much, gives us 78 Years and 1 Month, making our Elf 198 Years and 1 Month old, assuming they started their training the second they turned 120 Years old...

So there you have it, go play a HIgh Elf that has Every Skill Proficiency, Every Tool Proficiency, Every Language and Every Feat in D&D 5e so far...

Warning: May upset some DMs...

P.S. It is worth noting that Training as a thing is supposed to be a rare occurrence, and a reward for pleasing someone very powerful by doing something remarkable... So says the Books!

[blughblu]

Okay! So!

The Bastard Trio

Jarren

(I dont have a colored drawing of him, which is a crime on my part)

General info:

Gender: male, he/him, they/them pronouns

Age: human equivalent of 20-21

Height: 5'8

Race: air genasi

Sexuality: gay asf

Class: rogue

His backstory is REALLY messed up. Its based of the song Psycho by Muse. Basically, he got taken to this "military" camp, and was tortured and abused to be made into this assassin that would listen to orders, with no questions asked. He endured physical, verbal, and s*xual abuse for years, and he was alone there (besides the abuser). Yash came past there, to see if he could assist with any crimes (he had just given in to the more demonic side of his heritage, so he was feelin like doing Bastardly Duties™). But, he soon found out that there was abuse against an innocent person, and he went batshit. He stabbed the guy who ran this opperation right in the stomach, took Jarren, and ran. It took months before Jarren was okay enough to talk, and longer yet to leave the house. Eventually, after a couple years, Jarren had gotten comfortable with Yash. He and Yash are now together in a dating/friends with benefits type relationship.

Vlasial

The most bastard™ of them all

General info:

Gender: male, he/him pronouns

Age: human equivalent of 30-32

Height: 6'2

Race: drow elf

Sexuality: aromantic, homosexual

Class: warlock

His backstory is also tragic, but in...a very different way. Based off of Such Horrible Things by Creature Feature. As soon as Vlasial was born, he was touched by the influence of an infernal being. He heard their voice whispering devilish deeds in his ear. And he listened. As soon as he could walk and talk, he made his parents life absolute shit. He attempted to kill his siblings, burnt down his childhood home, caused several freak accidents in the near by city, and overal made everyones life a living hell. So, at the ripe age of (the human equivalent of) 18, he was locked away in an insane asylum. For years, he layed in that padded cell and rotted, when finally, his infernal patron granted him powers to escape. He broke out, burnt down the place, and ran. Eventually, after months of wandering, he found Yash and Jarren. They all hit it off, and now they live together.

Yash and Vlasial have a sort of friendly rivalry. Theyll have spats and such, but at the end of the day theyre very good friends.

Yash and Jarren's relationship is open, to where Yash is allowed to hoe around. Jarren is completely okay with Yash doing this, because he knows at the end of the day, Yash still loves him best. Jarren also has permission to do the same, but he has trust issues so he chooses not to. Yash and Vlasial are f*ck buddies, but most of the time Vlasial goes out and has all the one night stands he wants. But, he mainly goes after a dragonborn, named Tennick. Tennick is Babey™ and has a big ole crush on Vlasial, but is a Huge Virgin and knows nothing. Tragic.

All in all, they're all very happy in theyre bastardly lives.

@musingsofa2yearold heres the bastard trio! (I still have a bunch more ocs...Pale and Xan'adren, Creth, Tennick...i need to be stopped)

[biggurlgeek]

Me at my big ol ripe age of 32 headed out to my monthly brunch with the girls 👋🏾

[jessamygriffin]

The Legend

Dear @youcantdothatpod

Hello, Hockey Coven, it is I, one of the two responsible for the Pierre-Édouard Bellemare DreamBoat Manifesto of old, penning this under my normal Tumblr journal instead of the hockey one for no good reason, and I come to you, with respect, and with full knowledge of certain coven members love of Russian players (though this one is not a Siberian) to ask for either a history lesson or dream boat nomination for my guy - for having an interesting life, to say the least. He is my favorite Russian player. Yes, possibly even over Ovi. 

And yet he never made the NHL.

Oh. My. GOD. some listeners must be thinking at this point. Why even BOTHER with this guy??? he’s not in the fucking NHL!

(And can I just say, in this case, we must never be the Bettmans of the hockey world, who was bloated with hubris thinking to bring hockey like a Messiah to the unenlightened Asian continent a few years back [ha ha fuck off, they’ve had hockey here as long as the NHL has existed? I live in Japan btw] and we must not think that the NHL is the end-all-be-all of hockey aspiration. It wasn’t. It isn’t. Times were different. There wasn’t even a KHL at the time our story begins.)

I bring him to your attention because he is THE BEST.

His story begins in the Siberian IHL, passing a pretty tough try-out as a kid to start playing for the Red Army team, CSKA Moscow.

I feel like I ought not throw in all his info here? Maybe just a few highlights? And some comments. Ok who am I kidding it will get long.

Here: Vladislav Tretiak.

Vladislav Aleksandrovich Tretiak, goalie, current president of the IIHFR.

He won a lot of shit. I’ll just link the Wiki here - it’s a list.

He looks kinda like Spock, but in the best red-blooded ways, not that I would ever judge anyone for wanting to get freaky with a green-blooded half-alien. His goalie training looks a lot like cossack dance.

(MUTE THIS VIDEO THO)

There’s some other worse quality vids of him doing similar and playing with his son, so. There’s that. Skip ahead to the tennis ball part.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrfOsCVakvs

He started hockey kinda late, at age 11.

And Canadian hockeys LOVED him. *See below pic of jersey swap with Wayne Gretzky for proof.

Really, you gasp. Say it ain’t so! Impossible!!!

Truth.

How did the so-called hockey world (which of course was based in NA according to old boring hockey men) discover this Dumbo-eared wunderkind? The 1972 Summit Series.

(Yes, he grew his hair out and covered the mudflaps, and it was MUCH BETTER, sorry Vladdy.)

‘Ho hum,’ said the Canadians, ‘Russia thinks they are good at hockey, how ‘bout we have the Summit Series and quash their pretensions? That gold medal in Sapporo? a FLUKE. Ha ha, look at their goalie, this will be a cakewalk, he let in EIGHT GOALS in this game we just saw, oh well, let’s go have a beer and light up a dart, eh, boys? Eight games, pfft. We’ll sweep them.’

Joke was on them - Vladdy or Vladik was gettiing married the next day and weirdly? Couldn’t concentrate.

Summit Series ended up with one tie, 3 Russian wins and 4 Canadian, with the Canadians playing their dirty rough style, and the Russians their smooth, machine-cog style. That series was a gongshow of biased refereeing, Russian goal judges not turning on goals lights, and teams leaving the bench to have Canadian or Russian tantrums. Actual ankle-breaking occured.

Canadians had two goalies. Russian had one. He was 20. My boy. He KILLED it. And to say the Canadians were pretty horned about about this alien cheekboned man-child after expected a blow-out? MASSIVE understatement, HUGELY horny. As they should have been. Ken Dryden LOVED him. Jacques Plante himself, maybe feeling sorry for the kid, came and talked to him before the tournament started and let him know how different players would try to score. ‘A big help,’ Vladdy said. ‘I don’t know why he did that.’  LOTS of players were in awe. Canada was turned upside, Toronto became Tijuana and nothing was ever the same. The Interest in Russian Players was, officially, a Thing. (Kharlamov was a big part of the interest but that’s a whole ‘nother story.)

The horniness was, in fact, so uncontainable that several NHL teams expressed an interest, and one team was bold enough to draft him in 1983, when he was the ripe age of 31, which at the time was not TOTALLY hockey-old for goalies and players like it is now. Yes, the Habs. Consider that 3 years later rookie Patrick Roy backstopped the Canadiens to several Stanley Cups, and imagine what they could have been even earlier, with Tretiak. HOooooO.  Serge Savard hit up Moscow four times during the winter of ‘84 to try and secure his release.

Russian wouldn’t let him go, of course. Tretiak was a only lieutenant-colonel in the Soviet army, and not playing the high level hockey he had previously, and thusly COULD be replaced in the system. Soviet officials ultimately vetoed a transfer. “Oooh his dad was a major, how can we let this son of a distinguished man go and play HOCKEY, it’s a disGRACE!” Or at least that’s what we were told. Okay, Jan.

He quit playing at age 32. Thirty fucking two!!!  He’d done his 4th Olympics in a row by this point in 1984, and had the honour of carrying the flag for his nation, though he said it was probably because no one else had done 4 Olympics in a row. He wanted to spend more time with his family, and asked Tikhonov, coach of the national team and CSKA to let him have, ya know. Quality family time. (You’ll remember this douche from previous Russia Hockey Stories.) Tikhonov said, no, you live at the compound like everyone else for 11 months of the year. Ah ha ha.

Roll back a few years, for a grudge. Tretiak, if you’ll recall from the Miracle on Ice, was pulled from the game against the Americans by ol’ Tikky after letting in ONE (1) goal in the first period. All the Russians knew, but would never say until much much later, what a massive mistake that was - and you know the Miracle story anyway. Tretiak said himself it was a mistake, and he wouldn’t have lost the game. 

So, all things considered, in spite of having loads of playing life left in those kicky legs, Tretiak noped out and retired, for the reason of  being denied time with his family. And not getting to go abroad to play, which was probably a bitter pill and so quitting while he was still useful was a good Fuck You to the officials who used him up like a tissue playing hockey for his team and country. And of course, he was exhausted. At age 32.  "I'd played fifteen years with the Army Club and the National Team without a break. Backup goalies came and went, as did three generations of forwards and defensemen, but through four Olympic Games, all the important ones with the professionals, all the World Championships, all the Izvestia tournaments, it was I who played in the net."

Frankly, he should have just defected like others did later. Sent his family to watch him in a tournament and done a Sound-of-Music-esque Von Tretiak escape out the Zamboni exit, over the mountains and far away.

He would have been the first if he had. One of the most famous players in Russia, leaving for a career in the corrupt West. I’m glad he at least thought about it a little, even if it never happened. God, that would have been great. I’m glad that the NHL were able to pull their xenophobic heads from their asses enough to know greatness, and to want that brilliance shining on their teams.

But really, in the end, the man done him dirty. “In spite of aggressive discussions with Soviet authorities, Canadiens' general manager Serge Savard was unable to secure Tretiak's release for Montreal. "I would have loved to play in the Forum," Tretiak admits. "I was hoping to one day play in the NHL. I would have liked to do it even for just one season. Unfortunately, it didn't work out that way. I regret not having the chance." “

Still, the NHL and hockey in NA didn’t forget him. There were laurels left to be given.

He was the first Russian to be inducted into the HHoF, and the first to be entered without ever having played in the NHL.

Was he done with hockey? Heck no. Remember when I said Canadians loved him? It may have been mentioned a time or five.

In 1988, hockey royalty got married - Wayne Gretzky and Janet Jones. Befitting royalty, her dress cost $40,000, and gifts filled three rooms of the hotel. Notably, amongst them was a gold swan from a certain Soviet goalie Vladislav Tretiak. Why??? Swans are good luck, said Vladdy. They mate for life. And lo, the couple is still together.

In 1990, Mike Keenan hired him to be a goalie coach for the Blackhawks, and was (again) so turned on by his mastery that he suggested the 38 year could still play in the NHL? Vladik laughed and said no, but coaching was the next best thing. He worked with the best - Belfour, Hasek, Thibault, and you’ll be shocked that loads of tendies wear his #20 in tribute. He runs - or ran? website not updated in a while - the most challenging goalie school in NA in Toronto in summers.

He worked with the ‘Hawks until 2007, and then went on to be a pillar in Russian hockey leadership. Coach. Etc.

He wrote a book, which was really what got me into Russian hockey - it was wild to me at the time when I read it in high school some (Cough cough) years ago, so alien. But it’s chock full of the stories you love. His first coach Tarasov, wanted him because he was ‘tall’ (6′ is tall in Russia???) and had ‘huge hands’ and reminded him of Jacques Plante. The book’s pretty frank about hockey history and the role ‘Miracle on Ice’ played into a kind of American propaganda, which is refreshing. He was politely horrified by seeing Canadian players smoking. His training was bonkers, and included tree-climbing at speed. The Russian team was always trying new stuff, and one time decided on sports psychology, which a teammate helpfully volunteered Vladik for, ‘He’s the most important player, he’s the last defence, work with him!’ (since no one else wanted to). The positive thinking mantras seemed to work as at the next practice they were amazed by his clean play and kicks. But lol, no, next game he got blown out, and was probably glad to send the sports shrink on the way.

And he was crushed  when his teammate, Valeri Kharlamov, with whom he played so long, died at the young age of 33 in a car accident. But Kharlamov is a guy for another section of Hockey Histories.

So. This dream boat.

Ok. I know y’all prefer a defection story, and I think some listeners also? But. Here’s the thing. It’s sexy and romantic but also traumatic as fuck to ditch your country, your life in that political climate, to play the game. And dangerous,  shit man. 1983. U.S.S.R.!!! People still got disappeared! It was fine to treat players like garbage and lock them up for months in a compound and not let them see family! And I sometimes get the feeling that people consider the NHL the pinnacle, like, what a fool is Tretiak? who wouldn’t throw away everything to play NHL hockey? But that’s like, Bettman thinking, that the NHL is the best and perfect when we all know it’s fucking garbage, I know the current KHL has issues, SO MANY it would be a three hour podcast to talk about! So there’s no high ground, really. And in the end, Vladislav Tretiak made a choice that did good by himself, going on to a successful post-hockey career and the upper echelons of Russian hockey, and did well by his family, and of course, being patriotic is sexy, as anyone screeching at their team during the current World Cup of hockey knows. It’s okay that he stayed there. It’s fucking sexy NOT to defect, sometimes. Dude was a champion either way, his life is not a tragedy or lesser for not having played in the NHL and I really want people to know that. 

"For me, it was all, and all of it is with me forever."

Yes, there is life and hockey beyond the NHL. 

And it’s beautiful.

[everrgrreeen]

Anything that ends in a 2💁🏻‍♀️

Hey chick sorry it took me so long to get to your ask :( i suckkk lol

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?YAS I LOVE IT except when it’s too cold outside. i live in the northeast in a place where it gets super cold in the winter and the wind hurts your face, i’m talking like -10 sometimes and that shit is just brutal. but on a nice 30 degree day? heckin yes

12: what’s your favorite planet?good ol’ planet earth. saturn is a close second because it’s the ruling planet of capricorn and ya girl is a cappy

22: are you a morning person?yes except on school days lol then i just don’t want to get out of bed to go to class. but my favorite shifts at work are the ones that start at 7-7:30am and i enjoy the ambiance of the morning and the feeling of a brand new day ripe with possibilities

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.OH BOY here we go sooooo... before i turned 21 i would go to the bars all the time because i got a fake ID when i was a freshman in college and where i’m from the bars close ridiculously late, like 4am is our last call. so when i was 19, me and some of my sorority sisters (i was the only underage one LOL) went out for a late dinner and margaritas at this mexican restaurant, then we went bar hopping. we ended up at this one place and there was a creepy middle-aged dude sitting by himself at the bar. he started talking to us and asking us weird questions like “when did your friend lose her virginity?” but he gave us a $50 to buy drinks so my one friend got us all like vodka crans or something and we did some shots. but the longer he was talking to us, the more money he kept giving my friend??? eventually we all finished our drinks and he got up to go to the bathroom or something and the next thing i know my friend is motioning towards the door and we all fast walk out and start running down the street like drunken idiots lmao. turns out the guy gave her an additional $100 in twenties, and there were 5 of us so we all got a $20 out of it hahaha. that was the only time i’ve gone to the bar and made money

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!i work at a starbucks so ironically enough my favorite coffee shop isn’t a starbucks. i’m super snobby about coffee shops because of being a barista lol but my fave is this cute little place like 10 minutes away from where i go to school. they have good food, esspresso drinks, and coffee. haven’t tried their tea yet but i’ll have to soon. it’s just a great place for me to go and get work done because it has a cozy and homey atmosphere. sometimes they even have live music, i’ve sat for hours and listened to local indie/folk artists while i’ve worked and it’s just an overall really good experience every time i go there.

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?savage patrick and my FBI/CIA agent

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?if you consider coffee to be bean juice and tea to be leaf juice then yes i drink juice in the morning

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?hahaha yes i am the absolute worst at remembering things because i have so much going on in my life at all times to my bullet journal is my bff

82: are/were you good in school?i was always top of my class in grade school. i was reading at a college level in the 4th grade and i only know that because my teacher made me and two other “gifted” kids take a reading test. nowadays i’m in the honors program at my college but honestly i’ve only had two 4.0 semesters in my college career so i wouldn’t say i’m as smart as i used to be. i have to maintain at least a 3.5 though otherwise my scholarship money gets taken away and u know that dolla make me holla honey boo boo :)

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?i’m somewhere in the middle tbh. i like a good amount of cheese but i don’t drown my pasta in it. my little sister on the other hand.... she will only eat pasta if it’s SATURATED in parmesan cheese. no sauce. just a shit ton of parmesan. 

THANK YOU!!!

[crescentharborrp]

BASICS

Name: Ryder Ethan Irving

Gender/Pronouns: cismale, (he/him).

Date of Birth: May 6th, 1987.

Age: 32.

Hometown: Crescent Harbor, Washington.

Length of time in Crescent Harbor: 32 years.

Neighborhood: Hemlock Docks.

Occupation: Dockhand.

Faceclaim: Luke Mitchell.

BIOGRAPHY

If Ryder Irving would have been told at 18 where exactly his like would be at 32, he would’ve never believed it. Maybe because it was a distant echo of the life his father lived, a life he was never interested in picking up for himself. It would’ve helped, had the old man drawn a road map to how exactly he ended up living alone in the docks lamenting the days of wasted youth. Maybe then Ryder wouldn’t have followed a similar, if not the exact same path.

They hadn’t started on the docks, back when the Irving family had actually been a family. They had a modest house in Bywater Park, but it was respectable. Cliff Irving was a commercial fisherman, crewing boats that were occasionally gone for weeks at a time. The pay was decent, and he was more than capable of providing for his family. The problem was, Amelia Irving wasn’t the type of woman who wanted to be provided for. She was fiercely independent, and was currently shoved awkwardly into the hole of stay at home mother and housewife. The two met when Cliff was docked down the coast, and Amelia was working at a diner the sailors preferred for it’s late hours and, if you asked Cliff, its wait staff. He was taken with Amelia the moment she took his order. Soon, that diner was such a regular stop that the crew’s regular orders were practically already on the table when they pulled into the port.

Their relationship began as something long distance — until they learned they were expecting. Cliff was a traditional man, and was down on bended knee before the news even settled in. Unsure of what else to do, Amelia accepted. She picked up and moved to Crescent Harbor, a town that Cliff called his secondary home, the sea being his first. But it would hardly do to have a newborn wailing at all hours of the night on a fishing rig, so Crescent Harbor would have to do. At first, the change was enough to entice Amelia. A whole new city, one with a history that ran deep, was ripe for exploration until Ryder’s arrival. After though — isolated for days, weeks on end, with just an ever unsatisfied newborn to keep her company, she started to tire of the life she never planned for.

Cliff was unsurprisingly unsympathetic. After all, he was still walking his chosen path. Ryder grew up feeling that ping of resentment, the energy that radiated off Amelia like body heat. He had never seen his parents with the healthy relationship they claimed, and maybe once truly possessed. After every fight, his father would storm out. Things never escalated too terribly, apart from harsh words and cruel accusations. When Ryder was old enough, he would occasionally go down to the docks with his father, ‘helping’ to man the boat for a few days. “Give your mother time to breathe,” as his father worded it. That was alright by Ryder. He loved the docks, and would spend hours leaning precariously over the fishing rig’s railing, watching the choppy sea beneath them.

Breathing room for Amelia gradually shifted into too much open air. She had, after only a few short years years, had enough. After one big, final fight, it was Amelia Irving who walked out. Only, unlike Cliff, she didn’t come back. She arranged for a friend to come get her things, and she moved off to Portland. She left Ryder with a number, but it was one he rarely called. 

By the time he was in high school, he started working on the docks. Unloading fishing boats, tending to other vessels that pulled into Hemlock Docks. The father-son dynamic between Cliff and Ryder long since shifted, both eager to shove the blame for Amelia’s disappearance on the other, and neither willing to shoulder it. They moved out to the Harbor, their three bedroom suburban house suddenly seeming all wrong for them.

Ryder had his own blossoming relationship to tend to, after all. Diana was, for all intents and purposes, out of his league. Maybe at the Prep school, girls like Diana would’ve been a dime a dozen. But at Crescent Harbor High, there was no one like her. More confident than any high school girl had a right to be, from a well-off family in Sunstone Beach, and strangest of all, interested in Ryder. He was no social pariah — he had plenty of friends, but he was the son of a fisherman, and as townie as townie got. That didn’t stop them from spending every moment of free time they got together, despite her family’s staunch disapproval. He was a perfect gentleman in their presence, but it never was quite enough to win them over. On the eve of their high school graduation, Ryder proposed. Diana accepted. Neither family was particularly thrilled with the engagement, Diana’s hoping she would go onto an Ivy and get a formal education before settling into a life back in Crescent Harbor. Cliff Irving had become as cynical as a former romantic could be, and compared their relationship to a ship sailing blindly over a waterfall.

It was like the disapproval fueled the two of them. Neither family was in support of a wedding, much less willing to help fund it. On a whim after a long morning watching the sun rise from the docks, they decided to just go to the courthouse and take matters into their own hands. So they did. Her family, furious, kicked her out. The same day, they found an apartment. For the first few months, they had nothing more than a mattress on the floor, a small radio Ryder found in a fishing boat destined for the scrapyard, and each other. Year later, Ryder would think of those first few months as their best time. They thrived in difficulty, and, as it turns out, crumbled in times of peace.

Work picked up now that he could go full time, and Diana started classes at the college in addition to working at the coffee shop downtown. They started to put together a semblance of a life of their own. She got her degree, and quickly landed a job as a news anchor on the local station. Ryder had been promoted, but with that promotion meant longer hours. Her days started before sunrise, and his often ended long after sunset. Occasionally, he feigned a longer shift to have beers with the boys down at the bar. Then, occasionally turned to weekly. The two of them were no longer newly weds, and their schedules were barely overlapping on their best days. Her family had long ago invited her back into the fold, but with an ever-growing resentment toward Ryder. Diana didn’t seem to notice — or perhaps, the problem was in Ryder exaggerating their disdain. He used work as an excuse to avoid her family engagements — something that wasn’t unnoticed by Diana. One of their worst fights came after she found him at the Fear Knot instead of her family reunion after he swore he had a long shift. He suspected she had known all along that’s where his ‘long shifts’ often took place.

But that fight couldn’t touch their worst. The one that had imploded it all. Early on in their relationship, back when there was still barely furniture in the one-bedroom apartment, they talked about starting a family. She wanted a big one, lots of kids underfoot. Ryder, foolishly, said he wanted the same. In truth, he had never considered kids. By the time he was 21, his consideration had landed him at one glaring answer — he didn’t want them. In an act of deception far greater than ending the night with a few drinks at the bar, he scheduled an appointment for a vasectomy. His doctor was reluctant, but Ryder insisted. And in the years that followed, he feigned ignorance as to why they hadn’t conceived, hoping Diana would let the matter drop. For years, it did. Until she was ready to pick that fight back up. She went to a fertility clinic, only to find that she was perfectly regular. The doctors had wanted to look at Ryder first — the tests were easier, cheaper, and far quicker. But he’d refused. It didn’t take long after her own exam for Diana to figure out why. She had always been smarter than he was.

She could forgive a lot — and she had, in their eight years together. But this lie, spanning nearly a decade, was one she couldn’t forgive. She moved out, and served him with divorce papers in the next few months. Ryder signed, uncontested. What else could he do? These were, after all, irreconcilable differences. Like with his father, he suddenly found their house too big. Worse, it was too much hers. He moved to his own place out in Bywater, but even it wasn’t a fit. He was rarely home, the space set cold, empty and abandoned more often than not. He started using work to fill the void left by Diana, picking up longer and longer shifts until he realized, between the job and the bar, he was rarely leaving the docks. He found himself what was, in his mind, the perfect solution. Ole Johnny Halloran was selling his house boat in favor of coastal living, and Ryder was able to pay cash for it.

Before he knew it, he had fast-tracked the life that took Cliff Irving five decades to lead. He refused to dwell, or even acknowledge, the similarities there though. He still saw Diana around town, although the two interacted more like strangers passing each other in a crowded hall. Tight-lipped smiles, small half-hearted waves. He heard she was promoted at the station, though he waved off any mention of his ex-wife. While he, years later, was still a dockhand who liked closing out shifts by having a drink with the boys down at the docks. Only now, he lived just down the way.

PERSONALITY

+ Gregarious, persistent, open-minded

- Stubborn, unaccountable, selfish

[nicolelelelelele]

get to know meme...?

thanks @fluorescenthoodie and @literal-treasure too tbh i hope u enjoy reading about lil ol’ me 🤗

1. Are you named after anyone?

lol ok so my middle name is Indy-Rose. my dad is a huge fan of indy car racing so that’s p much where that half came from 🙄 and my mom’s name is Rosa, so ye 🥀💜

2. When was the last time you cried?

last night lmao i don’t often go more than a day without pouring water out of my eyes

3. Do you like your handwriting?

i have a lot of different versions of my handwriting, and each one is p much trying to emulate some other persons handwriting that i’ve liked, sooo i guess i love everyone’s but my own?

4. What’s your favorite lunch meat?

yo i used to fucking love turkey sandwiches with doritos in them to give that extra CRONCH. i miss that tbh

5. Do you have kids?

yes. their names are leo, cappie, tilly, and mocha. i guess teeechnically only 2 children and 2 grandchildren, since tilly birthed the first two at the ripe age of 1. currently i’ve only got custody of my most recent child, mocha, while my mother has custody of the other three. 🐈

6. If you were a different person, would you be friends with you?

like if i was a 3rd person? ima guess that’s what this question is asking... uhh probably? as much as i hate myself on a deep and unhealthy level, i also think i’m fucking fantastic and would be amazing to hang out with on the daily

7. Do you use sarcasm?

ima be honest here, i’ve tried to tone it down it recent years because in high school i was an overly sarcastic ASSHOLE so like these days i try to be pretty straight up so people don’t get the wrong impression about what i’m tryna say

8. Do you still have your tonsils?

yup, i thankfully don’t snore or have any issues w them so i like them where they are. i have plenty other reasons to sit at home for two weeks eating ice cream.

9. Would you bungee jump?

nop. do not like. roller coasters? yes. free fallin’? no.

10. What’s your favorite cereal?

if i had the money it’d be just a really plain cereal like rice chex or something but i’d put fresh strawberries and blueberries in it every day.

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

i will always find a way to be the laziest version of myself, so no.

12. Do you think you’re a strong person?

i bench like 250 and can lift my own body off the ground for minutes at a time. 🏋🏽‍♀️ (i’m weak as fuck in just about every category, but will still manage to to drag you to hell in one way or another if u fuck w me or someone i care about)

13. What’s your favorite ice cream?

probs vanilla which is p ironic haha

14. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

depends on the person i guess? i can’t really pinpoint one thing, i think it’s probably just like their most defining personality trait? i basically always just notice what makes them ~them~ and that really sticks with me

15. What’s your least favorite physical thing about yourself?

the hair on my arms. thanks kid from junior high for pointing that out and making me forever self conscious about it! you know who you are 🙃

16. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now?

dark blue jeans and white old skools

17. What are you listening to right now?

miss you by mura masa

18. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

IS THAT A WEEEED?

no it’s a crayo-

IM CALLING THE POLICE!

anyway yeah like a minty blueish green or maroon idk they’re both my fave colors tbh

19. Who was the last person you talked on the phone with?

my fucking homie at our local taco truck what a hero 💯

20. Favorite sport to watch?

once upon a time it was baseball i guess but thanks to my s.o. i am now a slut for basketball

21. Hair color?

not the color that i want it to be

22. Eye color?

~hazel~ aka it seems to depend on what colors i’m wearing on any given day lol

23. Do you wear contacts?

nah fam

24. Favorite food?

either enchiladas or pupusas or pickles they’re p much all tied for first

25. Scary movie, or comedy?

i used to really like scary movies but i think the realities of life scare me enough on a daily basis that i should probs just stick to comedy and try to laugh away my sorrows.

26. Last movie you watched?

this is a Very Good Question™ to which i do not know the answer. ask me again this weekend and the answer will be Ladybird (saoirse please mother my children)

27. What color shirt are you wearing?

white. and it has emojis on it. it’s from a festival i went to ok i’m not totally a walking meme

28. Summer or winter?

i love winter because it ideally has all of my favorite things like snow and pretty lights and cozy sweaters and christmas and my birthday and all of those things are 10/10 but on the other hand... summer in the city means cleavage, cleavage, cleavage...

29. Hugs or kisses?

hugs for everyone, kisses for the right person

30. Book you’re currently reading?

i’m really bad at sitting down and reading books so i’ll just answer with the most recent book i’ve purchased: Waves Passing in the Night by Lawrence Weschler. it’s about the sound designer Walter Murch and astrophysics and a bunch of other cool shit idk i still need to read it!

31. Who do you miss right now?

my mom

32. What’s on your mousepad?

zwei’s booty

33. What’s the last TV program you watched?

The Bold Type. #kadena owns my ass

34. What’s the best sound?

😏 but also the little chirp cats make when they see a birb outside a window

35. Rolling Stones or the Beatles?

for some reason i never realized that twist and shout was by the beatles and i FUCKING LOVE that song so i guess that’s that?

36. What’s the furthest you’ve ever travelled?

lemme just give you a glimpse into my devastatingly lacking travel history: raised in cali, visited vegas twice before the age of 9, now living in new york. that’s it. going somewhere? take me with you p l e a s e

37. Do you have any special talent?

i can tie a cherry stem with my tongue 😉 also i sometimes think i can sing so check out my latest sad cover over at soundcloud.com/nicolelelelele/youth and cry with me!

38. Where were you born?

the place that *contains* the happiest place on earth but definitely *isn’t* the happiest place on earth: anaheim, california

@onehundredsevendays ur the only one i can think to tag in this rn so hop on bud

[gaycoruscant]

91 Questions Tag

Thanks to Liv ( @sixty-seven-protons ) for tagging me to answer this mountain of random facts

THE LAST – 
 1. Drink: Water
 2. Phone call: My friend trying to tell me I was late for a band meeting (yikes!)
 3. Text message: Jon, quote: “oh” as said in reference to being decked in front of the emoji movie theater.
 4. Song I listened to: “DKLA” by Troye Sivan
 5. Time you cried: Idk, Thursday??? Last Wednesday????? Something like that.

HAVE YOU EVER –
 6. Dated someone twice: No
 7. Been cheated on: No I’ve always been a single pringle 8. Kissed someone and regretted it: Nope
 9. Lost someone special: I guess
 10. Been depressed: Yeah tb to November when it was real bad
 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS –
 12. The yellow color of a ripe wheat field in the sunset
 13. Forest green
 14. Sapphire blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU –
 15. Made new friends: Yeah! I went from having friends who were only friends at school to having actual people to hang out with, plus a few more
 16. Fallen out of love: I’ve fallen out of crushes
 17. Laughed until you cried: Yep. It was with that shittyflute Toxic video. Look it up. It will CHANGE you.
 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Not really, no
 19. Met someone who changed you: Hell yeah @ my friends
 20. Found out who your true friends were: For the most part.

MORE – 
 21. Kissed someone on your facebook? No I don’t have facebook
 22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life? Zero, as in I have no facebook and no facebook friends
 23. Do you have any pets? My dog Lucy!!!
 24. Do you want to change your name? Not really anymore but there was a time where I wished I was named Tara
 25. What did you do on your last birthday? Fucking band camp
 26. What time did you wake up? 8 in the morning (thanks, band)
 27. What were you doing at midnight? Drowning myself in the sweet sweet voice of Troye Sivan
 28. Name something you can’t wait for: To hang out with my friends in a few days
 29. When was the last time you saw your mother? Yesterday
 30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? I’d make my good ol’ Texas small town more gay-friendly
 31. What are you listening to right now? Wind chimes
 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? No.
 33. Something that is getting on your nerves? Unwanted questions from family members.
 34. Most visited site: This wonderful hellsite

SCHOOL – 
 35. Elementary: The good ol’ days. My gay self was gay as FUCK back then but did anyone know? No. Did anyone care? No. But I was happy with all my friends and we gossiped and played games like lava monster at recess. Then FIFTH GRADE comes along and, story time! Toxic masculinity (aka my brother) makes a stupid comment that goes “why are all your friends girls” in that stupid prepubescent boy mocking voice and my submissive childhood self gives in and decides to change to be “more like the other boys” and that is where my life went to hell.
 36. Middle: OH BOY!!! Puberty + new school + new insecurities thanks to my new friend Toxic Masculinity = a very bad few years
 37. High: To summarize: Fuck masculinity I’m gonna be GAY and there’s nothing you can do to stop me from being my feminine self (except force me to hide myself from homophobes)
 38. College: A Concept: I go a prestigious high-end Ivy League, 3000 miles away from the homophobes I deal with daily. I get a nice boyfriend and we live a nice apartment together. We love each other very much and help each other in our studies and we support each other’s artistic endeavors. I graduate top of my class and become a well off scientist/poet and we get paid well enough to marry at age twenty-eight and pay off our student loans by the same time. Life is gay. Life is good.

ME – 
 39. Hair color: Dirty blond
 40. Long or short hair? It’s short
 41. Do you have a crush on someone? Not right now
 42. What do you like about yourself? My mind (mostly). My body? Not so much
 43. Piercings? Nah I’m good
 44. Blood type: ???????????? Bitch I don’t know
 45. Nickname: One friend called me Nowickipedia and it kind of caught on
 46. Relationship status: www.pringles.com
 47. Zodiac sign: Leo
 48. Pronouns: Honestly I don’t care. He/him is what I’ve used most of my life (thanks, assigned gender! 🙃) but she/her is fine and they/them is ok too.
 49. Favorite TV show(s): STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS & STAR WARS: REBELS (God I’m such a nerd)
 50. Tattoos: No
 51. Right, ambidextrous, or left-handed? Right handed, but I text and use my phone with my left hand and all my other right handed family members think I’m crazy.

FIRST – 
 52. Surgery: None
 53. Piercing: None
 54. Sport: Flag football fourth grade (see 35, subject: masculinity and a desire to “fit in”)
 55. Vacation: Disneyland
 56. Pair of trainers: What is this asking? First pair of physical trainers to help me pump iron??? (Actually it’s probably shoes but who calls shoes trainers??)

CURRENT – 
 57. Eating: Nothing
 58. Drinking: Nothing
 59. I’m about to: ????? No plans just sit at home all day
 60. Listening to: The AC

FUTURE – 
 61. Waiting for: A horribly sappy romantic subplot to happen sometime in the next ten years
 62. Want: To see my friends
 63. Married: Hopefully
 64. Career: Paleontologist? Astrobiologist? Poet? So many options I need to decide.

YOUR TYPE – 
 65. Hugs or kisses? Hugs, but only because I’ve never kissed anyone
 66. Lips or eyes? Eyes 100000% I wrote a song and like thirty poems about them so….
 67. Shorter or taller? Taller probably because I went out in public and everyone was shorter than me and I got a bunch of dysphoria surrounding that so yeah (but honestly it doesn’t matter)
 68. Older or younger? I don’t care
 69. Nice arms or nice stomach? Both. A nice stomach to use as a pillow and nice arms that can hold me tight.
 70. Sensitive or loud? Idk
 71. Hook-up or relationship? Relationship. No sex-repulsed hopeless romantic like me is settling for one night of doing it dirty.
 72. Troublemaker or hesitant? Idk 73. Kissed a stranger? No way
 74. Drank hard liquor? Nope nope nope alcohol is disgusting
 75. Lost contact lenses/glasses? No
 76. Turned someone down? Once when I was still in the closet and I found out a guy had a crush on me but my homophobic brother knew he had a crush and told me so when the boy finally got enough guts to ask me to homecoming I went into panic mode and said no (sorry!) 77. Sex on first date? Nooooooooooo way. Sex would have to be like seven months in when we’ve gotten used to chillin with each other and got past at least twelve dates.
 78. Broken someone’s heart? Maybe. (See 76)
 79. Had your heart broken? Oh boy yeah when I had my first crush on a boy (the crushes on girls before don’t count they were influenced by Toxic masculinity) I ended up telling him and I was Devastated™ but is that heartbreak if it’s a crush? Idk.
 80. Been arrested? Nope
 81. Cried when someone died? See Padme Amidala’s funeral, Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (2005).
 82. Fallen for a friend? The only way I’ve ever crushed on someone

DO YOU BELIEVE IN – 
 83. Yourself? For like a few days at a time
 84. Miracles? Ehh sort of
 85. Love at first sight? Yes
 86. Santa Claus? No
 87. Kiss on first date? Wait until the fourth
 88. Angels? @ my friends (mutuals = friends)

OTHER – 
 89. Current best friend’s name: I refuse to put just one!
 90. Eye color: Blue
 91. Favorite movie: Jurassic Park, Star Wars: the Complete Saga, Interstellar, Arrival, Mulan

I tag @vanillabeanniall @uswntinharmony @knightcrawlers @rogueleadxr @apple-bottom-dean @solitudeontatooine and any other mutuals I have who want to do this

[helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog]

EXCLUSIVE: See a 96-Year-Old Backstreet Boys Fangirl Meet Her Idols: ‘They Keep Me Young!’

The Backstreet Boys have officially kicked off their long-awaited 'Larger Than Life' residency at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas and one fangirl fulfilled her 16-year dream to come face-to-face with her idols again -- 96-year-old BSB devotee Adeline Stevens!

The longtime fan rocked up to The AXIS Theater with her 61-year-old daughter, Karen, and 32-year-old granddaughter, Kim, where she was thrilled to meet the group before their show.

“That was amazing! It was a fantastic,” Adeline told ET afterwards, still a little shell-shocked from the meet-and-greet. “I love those guys!”

WATCH: The Backstreet Boys Serenade Lance Bass Onstage During Vegas Show

Unlike many of us, who discovered the boy band in their teens and will still be rocking up to their shows in their nineties, Adeline was the ripe ol’ age of 80 when she first fell in love with Nick Carter, AJ McLean, Howie Dorough, Kevin Richardson and B­rian Littrell.

And while the dream encounter marked 16 years, to the day, since she first met the boys, Littrell immediately recognized her as she walked in.

“We walked in and Brian was like, ‘This is not your first time here. I know you!’” said Kim, who flew in from New York and escorted her grandma to the meet-and-greet before the pair were joined by their mom/daughter Karen for the concert.

WATCH: *NSYNC's Joey Fatone Kisses Nick Carter at Backstreet Boys Concert in Las Vegas

“He remembered me!” said Adeline afterwards. “It’s been 16 years… that’s incredible.”

McLean sweetly greeted Adeline with a “hello gorgeous” and big hug, while Carter adorably gave her a gentle cuddle then was puzzled about her age. “She’s 96?” he asked, in disbelief. “She looks so young!”

Adeline, who later told us age is about how you feel and BSB help “keep me young,” also baffled Dorough with her youthful looks, with the singer asking Kim, “Is this your mom?”

Richardson then thanked the pair for coming and told Adeline he’d be looking out for her “rocking out” at the show.

EXCLUSIVE: Lance Bass 'So Jealous' of Backstreet Boys' Vegas Residency

Kim was just 13 when her best friend invited her to see BSB -- who she hadn’t heard of at the time -- in Hartford, Connecticut. “I just remember thinking, ‘This is absolutely amazing,’” she recalls. “I was stunned and I’ve been in love with them ever since. It was like someone flipped a switch and I was a totally different person. It’s been 18 years and they’ve always been there as the one constant -- something I could always turn on to calm me when I was upset or having a bad day.”

Kim’s fandom rubbed off on her mom, Karen, who escorted her to many of the 40 concerts she’s been to over the years. “She created a monster,” jokes Karen. The pair then took Adeline to BSB’s “Black and Blue” tour in Las Vegas on March 8, 2001.

“We took her to a show and that was the end of that,” laughs Kim. “She was in awe. I’ve been taking her ever since. She goes to the afterparties and everything. We usually take her to a quiet corner, but she wants to be in the action. A few times we said we were going without her and she won’t have it.”

EXCLUSIVE: Backstreet Boys Treat Their Career 'Like a Marriage'

“It was such a magnificent performance,” recalls Adeline about her first show. “I loved everything about it. They make you laugh, put on a great performance and they’re all fun. I love all their music and dancing and all the crazy things they do. They’re just so much fun.”

For Kim and Karen, there’s nothing more special than being able to share their love for BSB with Adeline.

“Watching her at a concert bring tears to your eyes,” says Karen.

EXCLUSIVE: Nick Carter on Family Life in Vegas & First Year As a Dad

“It’s incredible,” adds Kim. “To be able to share this with both of them is so much fun.”

So, who’s gran’s favorite BSB?

“I like them all,” says the great-great-grandmother, whose other big musical love is Engelbert Humperdinck. “I can’t say I like one better than the other because they’re all great at what they do!”

Check out the video below for more.

[thesylvalining]

Now don’t get all peanut butter and jelly (jealous?) on me but it’s turning out I am on perma-cation. This time of year in my “adult” life I’d typically be slaving away at Arapahoe Cafe, or before that on a trail crew in Colorado, or before that fighting a forest fire somewhere. Occasionally I ponder how hard it’s going to be to return to normal life–but then again, I never really believed in a normal life, did I? Most importantly, I’ve been presented with a year off and I’ve grabbed it, like a bull by the horns 🙂

Recently, I reconnected with my (now married!) pal Nicolette, aka Nini. Both of us are as good at keeping in touch as two similar poles on a magnet. But as soon as one of us remembers to switch poles, it’s like nothing ever changed. I told her about my magical year off thus far and she said, “Or year on.” Ole! Nini’s right. It’s my year on–on course, on a joyful wavelength, on a big, free, unplanned adventure.

And during this exact moment of my year on, Faenza–as elsewhere in Italy and the world–is waist deep in a heat wave; two days ago, we passed a sign reading 44 C (111.2 F). In the un-airconditioned castle, post-midnight, the temperature clung to 32 C (89.6 F). The only solution: to go neck-deep in a river. Lisa and I chose the Montone, specifically a her happy place outside Bocconi. By car? I’m surprised you’d even ask!

After the quaint town of Tredozio and a decent, sweaty climb, we stopped to check out Romagna’s very own vulcano (volcano)–in all reality, a fumarole. Even if Lisa hadn’t been there many times before, it was easy enough to find…

At first glance the fumarole appeared to be dressed for Halloween–quite convincingly–as a rocky, pyramid-shaped campfire. But, perched on the dry lip of a wheat field overlooking a valley of relatively green hills, the vulcano was still impressive. Its bold orange flame licked the air like I wished I could lick a popsicle; we were careful not to get too close lest we lose what electrolytes we had left to sweating (more) profusely.

Arriving at The Guardrail, we tiptoed down the steep dirt path to the river in our bike shoes like newborn goats on an icy lake. After claiming a flat boulder, we set up shop and devoured the “cold” basil and tomato quinoa salad chef Lisa prepared. We chipped away at the afternoon happily watching leaves blowing in the wind, reading, journaling, dunking, drying off and doing a whole lot of Important Nothing.

Of course, Murphy’s River Law went into effect once we’d set up shop: clouds gathered like a band of hippies in front of the last Cannibus plant on earth, crowding in so close they blocked out the sun and the heat. Of course, every other moment had been vulcano-hot; luckily we decided to stay anyway and the mountain storms came and went quickly.

On our return, we barely dodged the wet bullet of a real soaker. We hid out under the eave of a bar where old Romagnolo men did their best to shield us from the elements with their curiosity.

Oh no, is it raining?!?!

Yay, it’s raining!!!

We capped off the day and the ride back with friends at a sagra (an Italian outdoor summer festival with dancing, music and most importantly: food) in Santa Lucia, just outside Faenza. Santa Lucia’s sagra celebrated the numerous joys of cappelletti, local pasta formed like a hat (un cappello) and stuffed with cheese or meat. Afterward, we felt like twice-stuffed cappelletti and managed to sleep with the help of our two, dueling fans.

In the midst of the worst drought in at least 60 years and a two-week heat wave the likes of which could fry an egg inside a fridge, it became apparent we needed to do Important Nothings Near Water. So two days later, we were dominating the flats from here to Marina Romea on our bikes, destination Romea Family Camping, Boca Barranca and water. The coolest part: we followed the partially gravel route along the very same Montone River all the way to the murky, refreshing waters of the Adriatic.

We made a weekend of it, setting up shop next to my favorite animal in the whole world:

And then we committed to a refreshing yo-yo between our lettini (beach chairs) and the Adriatic. The only interruption to circular heaven was a shower to rinse off the salt water before succumbing to another nap, seafood lunch and later Spritz in Boca Barranca’s breezy, outdoor dining room.

That evening, of course, said dining room transformed into the dance floor we were all too familiar with. The first night was Club Adriatico, techno beats and a young, too-cool crowd that didn’t mingle much, except among themselves. We turned in early (aka before 3 a.m.), in order to spend maximum time at the beach again in the morning…

Girls just wanna have fun! In the sun!

Glad we got our nails did, early birthday present from Lisa 🙂

The next evening, we rode bikes north along the coast, took the little traghetto (ferry) across the canal, ate our weight in fresh, fried seafood at locally infamous Baracchina and arrived just in time at Hanabi for the concert to begin. If we had socks on for some reason, the band would’ve blown them off. Xixa (chee-chuh), from Tuscon, Arizona, played and their sound was Mex-American, like an aural taco in a cowboy boot. Their energy was infectious, the lead singer (who raucously climbed on top of the drum set at the end of the last song) was swimming in charisma. We met and thanked the entire, chill very attractive band afterwards at the merch table.

And then we beelined back and danced our proverbial pants off until 3 a.m. This time, the flavor was house and the crowd was an older, quirky group we seasoned veterans hadn’t yet spotted in the hallowed, sandy halls of Boca. It became quickly apparent the Faenza-based DJ (who may or may not have snuck away to do some coke and come back with more than enough energy to head bang to house music) had a cult following. This crowd came to dance, not pick up chicks or dudes or stand around and stare and drool and be creepy while we danced. Ages ranged from blushing youths like ourselves to–literally– grandma in her flowered mu-mu.

We were plastered to the dance floor like the sweat which clung to us like drunk flies on heat-melted proscuitto. Afterwards, we were past primed for bed. Back at the tent, an angry buzzing arose like fish burps from the bottom of the shallow river in Bocconi. A large fly? A bee? If I got a euro for every time I’ve gotten gnawed on by an insect, I’d retire yesterday so, of course, we had to find the source.

“I think it’s coming from your ass,” said Lisa, after we’d ripped the tent apart like the biggest, most mysterious Christmas present under the tree. And yet the bedding, pillows, pads and tent were oddly insect free. And we hadn’t had a drink since the bottle of wine sloshing around with our seafood. Still the buzz prevailed.

I peered under the tent–in case the idiot bug mistook itself for a gopher–and Lisa put her ear to my thick, orange Big Agnes sleeping pad. The same one with a single entrance and exit: the valve I spend 20 years of my life blowing through each time we camp.

“It’s inside your mat,” she said, as the warm three a.m. breeze came to investigate. We looked at each other incredulously, shrugged, remade our beds and laid down. Lisa fell asleep immediately with her mouth open, intent on catching whatever else was going to sting me later. Meanwhile, the drowsy buzz continued on and off–Zzzz. Zzzzzzzzz. Zz–until I flopped off the sweaty ledge into sleep.

I must say, before moving on, I didn’t think my peculiar relationship with insect-kind could get any stranger. But now I’ve had a winged tenant residing inside my sleeping pad, I realize it can always get stranger.

Miss Merighi–per usual–rose when sunlight invaded the tent and made her way to a prime beach spot. I slept soundly, like the insect inside my sleeping bag which was certainly dead and baked to a crisp. Outside, a battery-powered car driven in ever-decreasing circles around the tent by the kids next door encroached on my dreams.

“Guarda,” I heard mom say, loudly. Then, insistently, “Guarda avanti!” Or, “Watch in front!” This statement was followed by a crashing noise, which was the tree next to the unicorn and also the end of my rest.

Sunday was another beach day. That evening, once it had “cooled down,” (which was more or less the difference between riding bikes in a dry sauna and riding bikes in a dry sauna with the door cracked), we rode home.

My favorite bike fence in the rural hinterlands of Emilia-Romagna.

Back at the castle, the air crept about like a stoned tortoise and the temperature gauge once again moved about as much as the house DJ, pre coke. I’m part of a strange breed of humans whose progeny has largely died out and who naturally prefers sweating to shivering. But even I had to concede the better choice was to escape Faenza again, as if chased by a herd of zombies intent on eating only endangered, warm-weather brains.

And where better than back to Bocconi, where we could make our world a slab of rock in the shade of a quivering tree…

… or explore the neighboring world in the cool, green waters and dry off on a hot rock…

… or wander barefoot for hours upstream to discover quieter swimming holes…

For much of the day, with the heat wave in full effect, the riverbanks were crowded for a Wednesday. But once darkness curled its fingers around the stone amphitheater of the river’s bend, the crowd evaporated. So we set up our (illegal) tent by the gurgling river…

DCIM101GOPRO

DCIM101GOPRO

… tried to make dinner and realized since it’s our first time camping, we forgot a lighter AGAIN. We ate piadina and ripe melone instead and chilled in our swimsuits until we turned in around midnight. Before sleeping, we meandered barefoot downstream and laid on a flat rock, still warm with sunshine heat. I lost all track of time, observing the stars observing us.

In the morning, we logged in river nymph time (wandering around or sunning ourselves totally naked). It felt gloriously wild and free. Eventually people trickled in like a bead of sweat between… well never mind. Anyway, we frantically traded swimsuits for birthday suits and resumed our earlier positions…

They say all good things must come to an end, but first, how do they know? And also, can they end when buttressed on either side with more good things? I’m not sure, but at any rate our next adventure called so we picked up the phone, packed up our tent, left the area clear of our presence, hiked up the steep hill to the road… 

…bombed down hot pavement on bikes with a crescione break at our new favorite kiosk…

… and arrived back at the castle before the stars popped out of the hot, humid skies like mystery bugs from a sleeping pad.

I can’t even taunt you with teaser of the next adventure because this blog–for once–nearly brings us up to speed. Just in case you were worried about a lack of blog material, I’ll touch on the wonder that was my birthday (August 6th) and tomorrow (for almost the next two weeks) Lisa and I trade hot Faenza for the cool Italian alps. Alla prossima!

Water You Up To? Now don't get all peanut butter and jelly (jealous?) on me but it's turning out I am on perma-cation.

[ttamkooz]

god made me an atheist

ive gone round and round in my brain for years now on how to start expressing my journey and where i am today.

there have been many drafts that have since been tossed in the trash, each leaving me unsatisfied. always back to the drawing board; over and over again. i even wrote a piece and showed it to a few people just to mentally push through but, alas i still wasnt happy with it. 

so i let it go. we had some family stuff sneak to the forefront of life and so i gladly put that damn thing on the back-burner. 

but as the great ‘smee’ from the movie ‘hook’ once said, ‘lightning has struck my brain!’ and so now i know and now we will begin...

prologue:

to any and all of my family and friends who read this i want to say that i am still the matt you have known before, just minus the belief in a deity. i actually hesitated for the longest while to use the term atheist because of what it typically conveys to those in the christian community and i did not want you to think of me like that. so please believe me when i say that i am still the goofy, bald, loving and sometimes too pudgy guy youve always known. i wont mock you because you still believe and im not out to convince or convert you. this is just my story and i will share so i can be free in my own mind and hopefully regain a sense of honesty within myself.

my story:

most of you who read this will know me and my background but for anyone who doesnt, here are the cliffs notes...

-born and raised in a pentecostal christian household. went to church every time the doors were open.

-i ‘walked away’ from god and rebelled in my teens. eventually, i got re-saved and ended up working part-time & full time in the church in multiple capacities for 8-9 years off and on.

there were actually two events that i now look back and see were crucial in my departure from faith.

event #1

so one day im in my office at the church when a member comes in balling and talking about the problem they are experiencing in their marriage. as i sat and merely listened to the horrific story and watched the excruciating pain they were feeling at that very moment i had an awful epiphany; i thought to myself, “what can i possibly say here?” the list of scriptures usually accessed by my brain in these types of situations was now being rejected by my conscience. every single one, now all of a sudden were not good enough. they just seemed....false.

event #2

at the ripe ole’ age of 32 i became a dad. it was and continues to be my favorite role in life (sorry honey-im sure you’d say the same 8!). but as amazing as it was it unknowingly caused me to read the bible through the eyes of a father and this turned out to paint quite a disturbing picture of yahweh. i honestly couldn’t believe that i was never able to see it this way before. i mean im not talking about the many obscure stories that only atheists and apologists read, i am talking about the big ones baby. what in the world happened to my brain that i was able to read and hear these stories for almost 30 years and see anything but horror show that it is? 

so as i set out on a journey to read my bible. i read with a new set of eyes. stories that once conveyed hope, faith and victory now portrayed very, very different things. now not only did i read the bible, but i read everything i could get my hands on. books and blogs by bible scholars, pastors and apologists but nothing was reading like it was supposed to. 

a few years of this along with many hours of discussion with 2 trusted friends. one a pastor and the other a fellow christian in deconstruction. these were simply a safe place to voice new found emotions, ideas, frustrations and whatever else happened to be brewing inside my soul on that particular day. 

if asked, both these guys could attest to the fact that i tried to rebuild more than once, but at one point or another it would all be wrong and id have to knock it down, assess and try to put it back together again. 

and then, one very seemingly ordinary night i came home from one of these discussions. everyone in the house was asleep and it was dark and quiet. as i stood in my kitchen getting a drink of water it occurred to me; i no longer believe and that was it. 

there would be no more deconstruction.

there would be no more rebuilding.

it was a thought slash feeling from deep down that told me it was over. and i felt a very real sense of loss. the kind of loss like a loved one had passed away. i felt my brain scrambling for an argument, but there was nothing. 

nothing but the loss.

i wasnt swayed by a bunch of scientific facts or a speech by dawkins or hitchens. i read the bible and now i am an atheist.

and i will say that a few years past that moment of realization, i am happier and more at peace than i ever have before in my life.

prologue:

this has obviously been a streamlined version of what occurred over something like 5 years. it is my goal to just put it out there for me and whatever happens, happens. 

i imagine i will get a little bit of every kind of response with news like this and im at a place in my life that i am fine with it. i cant remember my life being any better than it is right now. my wife and my kids are amazing, my family is bigger than ever and remains strong, and my confidence in being who i am has probably never been higher. 

i dont know when or even if i will post again (probably pretty randomly) but i will respond to those who write back to me on this post.

thanks for reading and may the force be with you!

[helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog]

EXCLUSIVE: See a 96-Year-Old Backstreet Boys Fangirl Meet Her Idols: ‘They Keep Me Young!’

The Backstreet Boys have officially kicked off their long-awaited 'Larger Than Life' residency at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas and one fangirl fulfilled her 16-year dream to come face-to-face with her idols again -- 96-year-old BSB devotee Adeline Stevens!

The longtime fan rocked up to The AXIS Theater with her 61-year-old daughter, Karen, and 32-year-old granddaughter, Kim, where she was thrilled to meet the group before their show.

“That was amazing! It was a fantastic,” Adeline told ET afterwards, still a little shell-shocked from the meet-and-greet. “I love those guys!”

WATCH: The Backstreet Boys Serenade Lance Bass Onstage During Vegas Show

Unlike many of us, who discovered the boy band in their teens and will still be rocking up to their shows in their nineties, Adeline was the ripe ol’ age of 80 when she first fell in love with Nick Carter, AJ McLean, Howie Dorough, Kevin Richardson and B­rian Littrell.

And while the dream encounter marked 16 years, to the day, since she first met the boys, Littrell immediately recognized her as she walked in.

“We walked in and Brian was like, ‘This is not your first time here. I know you!’” said Kim, who flew in from New York and escorted her grandma to the meet-and-greet before the pair were joined by their mom/daughter Karen for the concert.

WATCH: *NSYNC's Joey Fatone Kisses Nick Carter at Backstreet Boys Concert in Las Vegas

“He remembered me!” said Adeline afterwards. “It’s been 16 years… that’s incredible.”

McLean sweetly greeted Adeline with a “hello gorgeous” and big hug, while Carter adorably gave her a gentle cuddle then was puzzled about her age. “She’s 96?” he asked, in disbelief. “She looks so young!”

Adeline, who later told us age is about how you feel and BSB help “keep me young,” also baffled Dorough with her youthful looks, with the singer asking Kim, “Is this your mom?”

Richardson then thanked the pair for coming and told Adeline he’d be looking out for her “rocking out” at the show.

EXCLUSIVE: Lance Bass 'So Jealous' of Backstreet Boys' Vegas Residency

Kim was just 13 when her best friend invited her to see BSB -- who she hadn’t heard of at the time -- in Hartford, Connecticut. “I just remember thinking, ‘This is absolutely amazing,’” she recalls. “I was stunned and I’ve been in love with them ever since. It was like someone flipped a switch and I was a totally different person. It’s been 18 years and they’ve always been there as the one constant -- something I could always turn on to calm me when I was upset or having a bad day.”

Kim’s fandom rubbed off on her mom, Karen, who escorted her to many of the 40 concerts she’s been to over the years. “She created a monster,” jokes Karen. The pair then took Adeline to BSB’s “Black and Blue” tour in Las Vegas on March 8, 2001.

“We took her to a show and that was the end of that,” laughs Kim. “She was in awe. I’ve been taking her ever since. She goes to the afterparties and everything. We usually take her to a quiet corner, but she wants to be in the action. A few times we said we were going without her and she won’t have it.”

EXCLUSIVE: Backstreet Boys Treat Their Career 'Like a Marriage'

“It was such a magnificent performance,” recalls Adeline about her first show. “I loved everything about it. They make you laugh, put on a great performance and they’re all fun. I love all their music and dancing and all the crazy things they do. They’re just so much fun.”

For Kim and Karen, there’s nothing more special than being able to share their love for BSB with Adeline.

“Watching her at a concert bring tears to your eyes,” says Karen.

EXCLUSIVE: Nick Carter on Family Life in Vegas & First Year As a Dad

“It’s incredible,” adds Kim. “To be able to share this with both of them is so much fun.”

So, who’s gran’s favorite BSB?

“I like them all,” says the great-great-grandmother, whose other big musical love is Engelbert Humperdinck. “I can’t say I like one better than the other because they’re all great at what they do!”

Check out the video below for more.

Video courtesy of Lauren Roberts.