#attitude but i imagine this is like 15 years from now so he’d be very near retirement age | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kashimos-hajime · 4 years

Text

dear... whoever | b.b.

summary: a mandated series of long and short diary entries from the new head of R&D for Stark Industries.

WARNINGS: swearing, LOTS of fluff, mentions of drinking and sex and hospitals and guns, general fun and witty attitude, small angst, big jealousy, obviously au after civil war. everything after does not exist. pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader word count: 9.5k

a/n: written for @softbiker and 100% inspired by @sunmoonandbucky with the format. my prompt was let me love you by rita ora and i wrote it from the perspective the singer is singing it to rather than the actual singer. this was super fun to write. enjoy!

July 31/20

Dear…

Whoever is going to read this. So… me, in the future probably. So, it should be dear WHOMever, I think, but it sounds wrong.

Is it too cliché to say dear diary? I don’t know. After all, I don’t WANT to be writing this but unfortunately I am because it’s mandated. Apparently, the psychiatrist that works for Stark Industries thinks it’s necessary that I write down my feelings and show that I’ve adjusted to working part-time superhero, full-time head of Tony’s stupid R&D department.

Something about how that much stress can cause psychotic fractures in the worst case scenario.

Cute.

Anyway, I don’t know what to write. Currently, it’s 4:23AM. The only reason I’m awake is because I have trouble sleeping on the best night. I heard Barnes messing about and because I am the Hermit of the Rec Room Couch (catchy, I know), I can hear him just walking about.

What the hell is he even doing?

To be honest, I’ve never talked to Barnes besides the occasional greetings because he’s the sort to keep to himself, I guess, and, valid. I’m not saying it’s not, considering his history, but you know.

I think I’m a friendly person, and I’m bored. He’s eventually going to hear me writing noisily because of super-soldier hearing or whatever, so I might just get up and introduce myself.

Not that I’ve been working here for years, but whatever.

I’m really bored and hungry, honestly, so a trip to the kitchen would be considered normal (and warranted) in such circumstances.

Fuck it.

Time to make a new friend or die trying. If you never hear from me again, you’ll know why.

Aug. 1/20

Dear Jane,

I finally got the time to write in here and you may be wondering why I have named you. Well, after the conversation at roughly 4:30 AM, here are things that’ve changed in a disorganized list. None is more important than the other. I'm just writing what comes to my head.

One: Barnes said he doesn’t really let anyone call him James. I called him James once because I forgot. Profuse apologies followed. He said it was okay and didn’t mind me calling him that. Now, in my mind, I think he’s just saying this to be polite and really just wants me to call him Bucky but he seemed sincere. We’ll see how it goes.

Two: Barnes was awake because his cat woke him up. I didn’t even know he had a cat but it’s a gorgeous white cat named Alpine that Barnes carries around in his half-zipped up hoodies sometimes. It’s adorable. He’s super soft and friendly and I love him already. He showed me all the tricks Alpine could do. Amazing.

Three: Barnes’ favourite movie is the Godfather. Totally surprising there. Please tell me you understand sarcasm.

Four: He said he liked the name Jane when I told him what I was doing up and also in the rec room (couldn’t sleep, writing in my diary) and that I didn’t want to say “Dear diary”

“Why don’t you just give it a name?” he eloquently suggested and Jane was his answer to my question of “Which name?”

Five: Barnes, or James, I guess he is now, is my friend.

Six: We said we’d meet up at 4:30AM or earlier again because I told him I wanted to show him my s’mores dip recipe.

Seven: Wish me luck. Hope I don’t get murdered.

Eight: I think I might be in love with him.

Bye.

Aug. 5/20

Dear Jane,

In an effort to summarize what has happened in the past four days, I will open with the fact that James Buchana Barnes is the cutest motherfucker on the planet. He’s super old fashioned, but that’s a given. He opens the doors for me, offers to take my bags up, and in the past four days, we’ve met up at around midnight to just eat and chat. Then he walks me back to my room with a glass of water and I’m left fanning myself because it’s so sweet and he’s so sweet and OH, MY GOD, I am a child.

This feels like a crush. Like, butterflies in my stomach, self-conscious every time he looks at me, can’t stop staring, and wanting to impress him at every turn sort of crush.

AKA, a middle-school crush and I feel completely ridiculous but that is besides the point because he’s just the loveliest person.

Someone should tell him chivalry is dead. Steve thinks he’s just being sweet on me, and Sam says I should flash some ass just to get a rise out of him which would be funny. He’d look absolutely adorable blushing his head off.

We’ll see. I am considering it.

What else happened? I’m drawing a huge blank.

As explained in a previous entry, I was to show Barnes my s’mores dip recipe. Huge success. Crowd loved it. That’s how I learned he has a huge sweet tooth like me. Got an email from Pep about a board meeting which I ignored. If it’s really important, she’ll see me in person. Went swimming with Sam. We started planning Tony’s big Christmas party even though that’s MONTHS away.

But, you know. We’re so busy all the time, it might be worth it planning ahead.

As head of R&D, it’s vital to me that this goes well because they’re fun when they do go well, and a chaotic disaster when they don’t. Also, I have to find a date but details will follow.

I think that’s it.

If there’s more to follow, then I’ll just come back but there really isn’t.

Oh, Alpine found my room. He’s in here right now and he snores. It’s cute, just like his owner.

Okay, goodnight.

Aug. 7/20

Dear Jane,

Sam, James, and I went swimming.

Pro of the day: James is ripped and that man was GLISTENING.

Con of the day: I AM STUPID in front of hot ripped men.

Pro of the day: We got ice cream together. Strawberry for me, mango for James because he wants to try new flavours, and Sam ordered some monstrosity with vanilla ice cream, chocolate and raspberry syrups, and a bunch of banana slices. A swirl of whipped cream to finish it off. It looked like diabetes in a cup and that’s coming from me.

Con of the day: James used his thumb to wipe the ice cream off my lip and my brain short-circuited. Sam teased us about it, but James very stubbornly and convincingly said we’re just friends.

Con of the day x2: We are just friends and that is NOT going to change. I cannot explain how much my heart literally fell out of my body in disappointment.

God, and James and I are meeting up at 2AM tonight so he can show me this new stupid stuffed celerey recipe he learned.

It’s not stupid.

It’s really, REALLY cute he researched it.

This sucks.

Aug. 11/20

The worst day ever. I don’t want to talk about it but might as well make a note on it. More on it later, I guess.

Aug. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry, I’m dramatic. Must get it from working with Tony for so many years.

Let’s just review what occurred on August 11, 2020, at approximately 3:23 in the afternoon.

I learned that James went out on a date. A DATE. From SAM. When James had ample opportunity to tell me at our regular meeting at witching hour over celery sticks.

EXCUSE ME? WHO IS THIS WOMAN?

I’m not even mad. I’m just angry that the man I became friends with only 2 weeks ago and caught feelings immediately for is seeing other people.

I sound like a raging bitch. I promise you, Jane, that I am not. I’m just the insanely jealous type.

No, I’m not.

God, what is happening to me and why does it have to be James.

I never get crushes and the instant I do, it’s for the most emotionally and physically unavailable person ON EARTH.

Also, work was work. I was distracted, drank soup from the canteen, and generally accomplished nothing. Alpine came for some snuggles while James was out. That’s the only good thing.

Thanks, universe.

Aug. 16/20

Dear Jane,

So, I brought up this mystery lady over homemade sundaes.

James seems pretty serious about her because he a) apologized for not telling because he wanted to keep it private and asked me not to tell anyone and b) has a second date with her later today.

Oh, GOD. There is no point to this.

Aug. 19/20

Dear Jane,

What’s the point of asking someone intimate, personal questions if not because you guys are best friends?

James called me his best friend today. He says he knows me, but if he did, he’d know I feel like throwing up whenever he’s around and that his stare burns through every layer of clothing until I feel like he just knows my secret.

I told him we’ve known each other less than a month, but he said something stupidly charming about “intuition” and feeling and that this feels right and how he knows he can tell me anything and that I was an easy person to talk to.

I should’ve been a shrink.

At least, my trip to Wakanda is going to give me distance. A solid two months of no one else but me, tech, and new faces. Going there to collaborate with Shuri is definitely exciting and taking up more space in my brain than James these days.

Maybe I’ll fall in love with some soldier over there because apparently, I’m catching feelings willy-nilly these days.

See you on the plane, Jane.

Aug. 23/20

Dear Jane,

On the quinjet, it’s fairly quiet. It’s one of the things I love about it. The silent yet soft engines that can lull me to sleep. We should be arriving in a few hours so I thought I’d write. I’m getting the hang of this, I think.

There's a press conference later, too, in the trip with the UN and it’s not that I can’t handle it, but that I could’ve done this in my sleep and wished Tony sent someone else. I hate the press, not gonna lie.

Anyway, this gives me time to be introspective.

Is it just me or James always Okay, is it just my imagination that whenever I try to get close to James, he just kinda pulls away? Not in a romantic way. I’m not stealing anyone’s man because girl code, but he won’t even let me just stand near him anymore. It’s like I have an infectious disease only transmitted through physical contact and it’s just weird.

I don’t know.

Before I left, he said he’d miss me and that we should keep in touch through calls (Obviously, I would) and that he hopes I won’t forget him.

So, you say those things but you won’t even let me even hug you?

You’re a manipulative asshole, Barnes.

Oct. 20/20

Dear Jane,

I am so sorry that it has taken so long for us to reunite.

In hindsight, I’m a fucking idiot.

I left you on the quinjet which went back to New York and a different quinjet came to pick me up. I came back like two days ago so these past few days have been spent searching for you.

James offered to help, and he seems normal again.

Weird. Guess he was just in a mood with the new girlfriend and adjusting to having me as a friend, too. Guys go through that, I guess.

In Wakanda, I did not, in fact, fall in love with a soldier or anything. I curse every day that I didn’t, trust me. I’m just as disappointed as you are because I just want to get over this stupid crush. For the two months I was gone, it was like I didn’t like James at all like that. Even during calls, I could pretend we were just two teammates keeping each other in the loop. He talked about his girlfriend, I listened, I explained science because he’s a nerd, and he asked questions like he was interested.

It was FINE.

Then, he was waiting for me when I came back to NYC and it slammed into me like Bruce in Hulk-mode.

James asked if I wanted to meet his girlfriend because she’d be coming around for the Halloween party anyway, and he thinks we’ll get along swimmingly.

He really said swimmingly. He is stuck in the wrong era, but we all knew that.

I said yes, to be polite.

Here’s to hoping she’s a vindictive bitch and I am justified in hating her entire being.

Oct. 22/20

Dear Jane,

I met her. She’s small and pretty and mature and normal.

If I wasn’t stupidly in my feelings about James, I’d love her, too.

She’d treat him right, give him a good home to come back to.

Best not to notice the people fighting beside you in that way, I guess.

Oct. 25/20

Dear Jane,

God is dead and NO ONE has eyes on the road.

Jesus isn’t even taking the wheel on this one.

It’s a fucking disaster.

I do not want to describe in every little detail the intricacies of dreaming about James Buchanan Barnes fucking my brains out, so I won’t, but this is for the record that it happened and how the fuck am I supposed to come back and see him in his probably gorgeous attempt at his recreation of Brendan Fraser from the Mummy AKA my favourite movie (which HE KNOWS THAT IT IS?? GOD, the audacity.)

Girlfriend (his girlfriend. “Girlfriend” is the name which she shall be henceforth known as in these entries because petty wins are all I have right now) is dressing as Rachel Weisz. Because “couples goals” or whatever.

I wouldn’t know. Sam and I are dressed up as sexy salt and pepper shakers (his idea, not mine) and he made me take the salt stick because I think he knows. Steve’s not dressing up because he’s more focused on handing out candy as Captain America.

Tony is… Tony. Iron Man and all that.

Anyway, I’m out of town in DC for a meeting with the Secretary of State for a few days, but I’ll be back in New York on the 30th so I’ll have a few hours to adjust to being around James again before he dons on that outfit that I know will be totally hot.

He called me his best friend again in his latest email.

Made me smile like an idiot, but I digress.

Nov. 1/20

Dear Jane,

Halloween was killer. Sam and I won best duo for costumes because we’re that good. Ate a lot of candy and it seems to be looking up.

I dunno. I didn’t mind James and Girlfriend on the couch that much in the after-party. Mostly stuck by Nat and Sharon and Tony. An ood trio, but a fun one nonetheless.

It was fun, but I still have to go to work no matter how many jello shots and vodka gummy bears consumed.

Wish me luck, not that I need it.

Why do you think Tony hired me?

Nov. 4/20

Dear Jane.

Natasha said I smile at James in a way that utterly betrays every emotion I want to hide in my chest.

Note to self: Don’t smile at James, or at his jokes, or at anything he ever does again. Avoid him. Put a stopper on this friendship.

Note to note to self: I can’t. He just makes me smile whenever he’s around and he’s always around. There’s no simpler way to put it.

I’m gonna try this hiatus thing, though. Distance myself a bit. We’ll see how it goes.

Nov. 13/20

Dear Jane,

Day nine of this hiatus business and it sucks. I miss my best friend.

We’re scheduled for a mission together, and we’re leaving tomorrow so I was going to have to talk to him during the briefing and the op either way.

Well, glad to know this didn’t work.

Nov. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Guess who just got fucking shot!

ME!

Guess even scumbags can’t take a holiday because some stupid arms dealer got a cheap shot on me while I was downloading their whole computer system and other tech mumbo-jumbo I am too high to write about.

James left a few hours ago with the rest of the team, but not before he got me a bunch of ice chips and said he was worried and that he hopes I get better soon. He even promised to get me some flowers to spruce up the room and to say my HEART went CRAZY is an understatement.

He came to my rescue, essentially, as soon as he heard I got pinned. He carried me to the quinjet the instant he cleared the area and stayed by my side the whole time even though the bleeding stopped and I was in good hands. He was just so protective, barking at doctors and nurses. It was embarrassing but also really, really sweet.

Is it weird of me to say that I want him to stay by my side forever?

I’ve never fallen in love before.

Is it always this fast and this hard? I feel like I’m crashing instead of gently and wonderfully falling. Everything is dumb and awful.

Is this what love is like? Because it hurts worse than getting shot because I think I’m going to vomit flowers or butterflies or something.

God, he’d never love me. We’re just friends and even though we have a lot in common, he’d never. It’s just too much of the past in the present or whatever.

Also, he has a girlfriend but it seems very surface-level. God, that makes me sound like a “one of the boys” type of girl who’s a bitch to one of the boy’s new girlfriends, but I don’t know. James told me they don’t really talk about the deep stuff like we do. But she makes him happy, I think.

In hindsight, one may ask what the deep stuff is.

More on that later. I’m tired.

God, why him?

I HATE THIS.

goodnight.

Nov. 16/20

Dear Jane,

James visited again today. He sat beside me and we talked until the nurses had to kick him out. He also brought the flowers.

I asked about Girlfriend casually. I said I liked her.

He said he did, too.

I don’t know why I think he’s lying. No, I do.

It’s because jealousy is the green-eyed bitch from highschool who still shows up in my life because she thinks she’s relevant to society.

That was mean. Unrequited love makes you mean. Side effect noted.

P.S. The deep stuff includes his past, his arm, his memory, his favourite colour. I dunno why that matters. It just does.

Nov. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Got out of the hospital today because of advanced technology and all that. Nothing’s left but a scar and residual soreness. James helped me to my room and said to call him if I had a problem.

I joked that he has a girlfriend and for some reason, he got really weird about it. It’s hard to describe. I dunno. Nat dropped by for popcorn and movies.

It’s 2:32AM. I’m wondering if he’s in the kitchen but I’m confined to bed rest so I don’t know. Also, Nat is asleep beside me and I don’t want to bother her.

Hopefully I can get up and move in a few days. Life is boring.

Nov. 24/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry we haven’t caught up in a moment. Work’s been hectic and I’ve been working overtime trying to make ends meet. Most days I’m in the office or lab, just trying to get enough things done so I can take time off come Christmas.

James stopped by tonight with Chinese takeout and some sweet buns.

He broke up with his girlfriend, too.

Guess that’s why he was being weird about it.

I tried being as casual as I could asking why, but he didn’t want to talk about it, so I asked why he came by. Couldn’t be for the company because when I’m in work mode, I just don’t talk and he knows that.

He said something about his arm feeling funny so I gave it a quick diagnostics check.

I think both of us knew his arm was feeling fine.

Everything is stupid, life is meaningless, and James’ lips are the prettiest shade of pink in the ugly lights of the lab.

I would very much like to have kissed him, but I didn’t.

Girl code.

It’ll probably be a while before I get another chance to actually have time and energy to write another diary entry. Christmas season’s coming close and Pepper is gonna need help with the party.

Yay, me.

Dec. 4/20

Dear Jane,

Morgan asked me in less eloquent words if I had a boyfriend (it was more like “You boyfriend?” But whatever. Who even taught her that word?) and I swear to GOD Nat could not make it anymore obvious looking at James.

Remind me to absolutely throttle her. I don’t care if she’s the infamous Black Widow. She has clearly never seen me hopped up on nothing but a negative amount of sleep and rage/embarrassment/spite/all of the above.

On another note, Pep asked if I was bringing a plus one for the party. I said I’d think about it. Normally I’d just take Sam but he has his eyes on someone at the VA and I like my friends getting laid so no go there.

Might just go alone. I don’t know.

Pep said I should take James, but I don’t really think she knows the truth about that situation. Luckily, Tony instantly rejected the idea and said he’d find me a date if I couldn’t.

Thank the universe for at least placing me in the close circle of the most well-known and richest man in the world because he also gave me his card and said go wild.

He knows me so well. I’m thinking about Christmas shopping when I have another free day, and I’ll pay for that with my own money, of course, but clothes shopping is a free market.

I cannot wait.

Dec. 12/20

Dear Jane,

I wish I could show you my haul, but I got so much stuff Happy had to drive to help me. Besides obvious gifts, I also managed to snag a gorgeous dress for the party.

Thoughts on black and gold?

I think it’s beautiful. Hopefully Nat and Sharon think so. We’re having a girls night tonight and showing off outfits, so that’s exciting.

James asked if we could meet up tonight.

I told him I had plans and he looked so downcast.

I dunno. Everything feels weird between us. Like we’re fine, we’re best friends still, but something’s changed when no one was looking. He’s single now. I guess that energy is different because I had gotten used to his energy with ex-Girlfriend.

I don’t exactly mind but it’s not ideal either. I miss summer. It’s much less complicated than winter. Winter, one has to worry about wind and chills and snows blocking roads, black ice, dry skin, freezing fingers.

Summer: there’s just a lot of sun, wind, bugs, and the vaguest notion of being bored.

Look, I love winter. It’s my favourite season. It’s quiet and gorgeous and dreamy, even though it gets dreary in New York. The snow falls slowly sometimes, Christmas is gorgeous here, and I’d rather be cold than sweating buckets, and there are no bugs to bother me. Also, it gives me a good reason to stay in the labs or in my room where it’s warm and toasty.

I just miss the relative simplicity when James and I were just strangers on the edge of being friends, which is, in retrospect, a selfish reason to like one season and hate another.

Well, some philosopher somewhere probably said something about humanity being selfish.

Dec. 16/20

Dear Jane,

T-minus nine days until the party.

No date in sight.

Maybe I’ll ask Anderson from HR. We had coffee together a few times and he’s nice. Good catch: smart, not too bad looking, and really nice. I’ll head down tomorrow and ask.

Alpine had purred when I told him my plan and headbutted my hand, so I guess I got the Alpine-Seal-of-Approval.

Dec. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Operation: Ask Anderson from HR to Tony’s Christmas Party failed. Granted, it could’ve been because that was a god awful title and that that name, in itself, prophesied catastrophic failure, but also because I was accosted by my best friend.

I wish I meant Sam.

Nope. James caught me in the elevator and we made small talk. Sounds fine, right? Then we turned the topic to the party. Talked about clothes and prospective celebrity appearances and drinks and food. Just about everything, so might as well turn to talks about dates, which meant I had to explain why I was in the elevator in the first place.

Going down to ask Anderson ended in James revealing that he didn’t have a date either.

He doesn’t know who Anderson is, which I thought would be the case, and he popped the question before the doors opened.

Notice how I said “didn't” have a date.

Guess who’s going to the party with James, clearly stated as friends, platonic soulmates, etc.?

Me.

Yippee.

Dec. 18/20

Dear Jane,

It’s 3:42AM and I’m in the rec room as usual. I was gonna not write here today but it normally helps me sleep to just write a bit, get what little thoughts are in my head out. Yeah.

I hear James in the kitchen talking to Alpine and it’s making me smile like an idiot.

Oh, shit, he knows I’m in here. He’s making milkshakes.

I am morally obligated by best friend duties to join him.

Goodnight, Jane.

Dec. 24/20

Dear Jane,

I’m not sleeping with James Buchanan Barnes tomorrow night.

This is a resolute promise. An early New Year’s resolution.

Dec. 25/20

Dear Jane,

Merry Christmas!

In between jovial festivities, I’ve finally found a little nook that’s quiet enough to write in. We opened presents, had a big family breakfast, went skating and just lounged around, and frankly, I’m exhausted. Need to recharge the old social battery.

Among the assortment of gifts is one that stands out to me. James got me a gift that said “Open When Alone” and I did before I started this entry and it was a fucking necklace. Like, a gorgeous one. It’s gold and thin and it feels wonderful. There’s a little cat paw charm on it and it’s so pretty because he has a matching bracelet for himself and I have still not yet recovered.

It’s just so sweet and it reminds me why I love him.

Yes, love has made me unbelievably sappy. I just heaved the biggest sigh in history.

Unfortunately, I have to go earlier tonight. To the party, as written in previous entries. I remember my oath of one-night celibacy and I intend on keeping it, despite how fucking endearing this gift was, because he said it best: we’re just friends. I’m not about to coerce my best friend into sleeping with me out of a piteous, unrequited love. That’s just gross.

You will either see me hungover tomorrow, or very drunk later tonight. It’s all very depending on how this night turns out.

Dec. 26/20

Dear Jane,

Fuck.

P.S. He REALLY does not mind me calling him James. Take that as dirtily or as clandestinely as you wish.

Dec. 27/20

Dear Jane,

I spent the entire day in bed with very pleasurable company.

I am SO GLAD we haven’t gotten called in because James doesn’t leave unless to go to sleep in his own bed or to eat, and I do NOT want to explain to the team that James fucked my brains out for two days straight because my heart is bursting.

He’s a good kisser. His lips are soft.

Intimate knowledge of that is now burned into my memory for future reference.

God, this is a dream come true. He doesn’t even question it, he just

It’s like I’m a goddess to him. He treats me like one, at least, and it’s like he’ll do anything I ask. And we act like it’s normal, too. Midnight trips to the kitchen included.

Best Christmas ever.

Dec. 28/20

Dear Jane,

I feel like I’m ignoring you but I’m also having the best sex of my life. He’s just… so fucking good and it’s a holiday and holy shit my mind is blown.

Love at first meeting isn’t real.

Well, maybe this one time, it was destiny.

Dec. 29/20

Dear Jane,

It isn’t just the sex, you know? It’s the pillowtalk, too. He just makes me laugh so much and everything is so easy between us and it feels real. Popcorn and chips in bed, some mojitos, just each other’s presence. It’s enough like that, you know?

Some quote about how the one you love should be both your lover and your best friend is in my head but I’m too lazy to look it up. James’ head is in my lap and he’s just reading while I’m writing and everything seems perfect.

He doesn’t ask what I’m writing because he knows it’s private and I trust him.

This is perfect.

I think I really am IN love with him.

Jan. 1/21

You know that cliché/tradition of New Year’s kisses?

WELL THEN.

Best (and worst) New Year’s ever. I’ll explain more later. I’m too tired and too angry and also sore and bruised.

See you when I’m not hungover.

Jan. 5/21

Dear Jane,

I’m finally stable enough to write.

In a crazy turn of events, Barnes and I got into a fight because of what happened after New Year’s Day’s events: I caught him leaving before I woke up and at first, curious questions ensued, and it wasn’t a fight but then it became one and I don’t even know how it happened. I wasn’t even mad. He just started being weird and I got annoyed and we tried and failed to keep our voices down. Luckily, my room is pretty soundproof.

Things just got out of hand and I feel like tearing my hair out. I wanna storm up to him and just yell some more.

Tony came into my room and didn’t say shit about my hickies and the fact that James is avoiding me like the plague. He gave me a really good hug, though and then gave me a few weeks off extra. I don’t know how he knows, but then again, it’s Tony.

He just said love’s tough sometimes.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I’m thinking about just taking a long vacation and disappearing. It seems like a good route to take at this point.

Jan. 6/21

Dear Jane,

James is looking at me right now as I write this. I wonder if I should look back or if he’s going to come up to me. We’ll see.

I’m only writing this so it seems like I’m busy. I’m running out of things to say, honestly. Can he just go? What’s the point in staring like that? What’s the point?

I could ask myself the same question. What’s the point in loving someone who’ll never love you? Yeah, he’s sleeping with me but he pulls away every time I try to do something more. Outside the bubble of my room and the small time frame of post-11PM to around 4:45AM, he acts like he’s allergic to intimacy.

It was never like that with ex-Girlfriend.

Maybe it’s something to do with me.

I don’t know, but he keeps looking and I want to get up and leave, but I won’t. I’m not gonna let him win.

Jan. 6/21

He didn’t. He just went out. Sam and Steve asked if I was okay because as soon as he left, I got up for the bathroom and screamed into a towel.

I don’t think either of them knows what’s going on, but they have a notion.

Jan. 9/21

Dear Jane,

He apologized. Still no explanation as to why, but it feels weird.

I told him I’m going on a vacation to Switzerland. Go skiing or something and asked if he wanted to come.

It was stupid to ask, but he said yes.

Shit.

Jan. 14/21

Dear Jane,

Switzerland is lovely.

No work is relaxing. Awkwardness between me and the other traveller on this vacation. Weather’s supposed to be nice when we get there. Sunny snow days, pretty mountains, other Swiss things.

No other comment.

Jan. 21/21

Dear Jane,

I lasted all of a week.

Yep, I slept with him again, and yes, he was back in his hotel bed come sunrise.

I dunno. I’m over it. We don’t apologize and hope everything gets back to normal because neither of us want to say anything to ruin it any further and we both have a major fear of the complicated. To be fair, he said he didn’t want to sleep with me if I was completely against it.

Also, I tried calling him Bucky at dinner like ex-Girlfriend (and everyone else) does and he made the most disgusted face.

He said, and I quote, “Bucky? When did I stop being James?”

I told him I was trying something out and he said it failed. Snarky bastard.

I guess if he’s still James, that must mean I’m still special.

That’s the Tony-inherited ego talking.

But it does make me exceptionally happy to play with the idea that I’m special to him. Best friend with convoluted benefits. Sounds like the title of a very long-winded self-help book that doesn’t really help much but that does sound like the story of my life so I can’t complain too much.

We’re going home in a few days.

I’ll probably sleep with him again. Bet Steve’s shield that I do.

Jan. 24/21

Dear Jane,

I get three Steve’s shields because I was right every single fucking day.

He’s like a habit I can’t quite kick and don’t really want to.

We snuggled afterwards last night. His arm was around my shoulders, we were naked, I was resting my head on his chest. For a moment, it felt like something couples do and then I fell asleep and woke up alone.

Quantum physics is easier to understand than this but I think we’re being mutually exclusive right now, so it’s almost dating.

I dunno. I don’t mind it anymore. It’s better than nothing.

Feb. 2/21

Dear Jane,

I’m absolutely miserable.

I’m still getting laid, but that’s not related. Correlation and causation or something.

Why is New York so dreary and when can everything just stop?

I don’t know. Winter is ending and now it’s in that awful transition phase between seasons and it’s mucky and rainy and disgusting. Tony got these limited edition ice cream flavours though so I’m gonna ask James if we can make milkshakes out of them or something.

He doesn’t like the muck either. That’s not really relevant, I guess.

Feb. 14/21

Dear Jane,

I got flowers and chocolate from the department because I think they can sense I’ve been in a bad mood since forever. Then, there was an anonymous delivery and inside was this gorgeous chain bracelet that matches the necklace sort of. I lied and told the department it was from Pepper.

What a wretched holiday.

Yours truly.

Feb. 18/21

Dear Jane,

Normally, when boys get their haircut, they look ugly for a day or two after.

Not James.

He got his hair cut shorter and he looks really good. Like unbelievably good. Short hair fits him just as much as long hair does.

No other observations.

Feb. 25/21

Dear Jane,

It was Morgan’s birthday party today. James came in one of those brown jackets with the sheepskin wool inside and he looked so good. We mainly stayed apart to prevent any dalliance because one does not disappear from the Madame Secretary’s birthday party and the team doesn’t really know what’s happening behind the scenes except for Nat and Tony, really.

I really wanted to kiss him in front of our friends. I caught him staring a few times, and every time, the smile seemed to vanish off his face.

I’m lying in bed and it feels pretty empty.

It occurs to me that I’ve been in love for a pretty long time and I’m not even in a relationship with the guy.

Energy could’ve been devoted to so many other things and I’d hate being in love if it weren’t for the fact that it’s James.

Again, love making me sappy and all that.

Feb. 28/21

Dear Jane,

Jane is such a common name. Some would call it plain yet it means gift from God.

I wonder if James knew that.

Mar. 10/21

Dear Jane,

It’s James’ birthday. Birthday sex is a requirement and a desire. I also got him a gift which is a pair of new black Timbs. I hope he likes them. I’m excited for cake, I guess. Morgan did my makeup but I’m gonna have to wipe it off for the small little party tonight.

I think, ordinarily, I’d be in knots because it’s James’ birthday and I love him and he’s my best friend, but I just don’t know. March is fairly boring and contemplative and rainy. Work is work. Helen Cho did a presentation on her Cradle technology. Very cool.

Mar. 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s raining and doesn’t feel like spring. Alpine vomited on my bed a few days ago because he’s not feeling well. James and I took him to the vet and he’s on antibiotics. Poor boy. He’s sleeping in the corner of my room right now while James is away on a mission. I think I’ll just work from my room for a bit until he’s feeling better.

Nothing much to report, which is why I didn’t write anything. The month passed by too quickly. James should be back by the end of the month. I miss him and not because of the sex. No one else who doesn’t work for me or pays me listens to me ramble on their own free will. Talking to screens just isn’t the same.

April 1/21

James got back really early this morning and I, by tradition, was awake. I sort of wish I wasn’t though. In true April Fool’s tradition, I made fun of him for being a day late to which he genuinely apologized. I told him to shower and get to sleep but he was in that mood where you’re so exhausted you’re wide awake.

James suggested we make really strong cocktails for each other as a celebration for an extraction mission completed successfully.

Who am I to say no to celebrating?

He really likes grapefruit juice so I made a REALLY strong Grapefruit Paloma. He made this really interesting drink that was purple and tasted like oranges and cranberries. A lot of blue curacao was in it so it was pretty bitter but it hit like a fucking truck which is probably why I didn’t understand anything he said at first.

He told me he loved me.

I think, somehow, he managed to get drunk after the Grapefruit Paloma and two more bottles of vodka. Don’t ask me how because Steve NEVER gets drunk. Maybe HYDRA-brand serum is faulty? I don’t know.

I asked if he knew what date it was. He laughed really loudly, said no, realized, stuttered apologies and then said it again.

It was the most perfect sound in the world and it was the best moment in recent history.

Or, the sickest practical joke.

Consensus not yet reached.

April 2/21

Dear Jane,

I asked if he remembered what happened yesterday morning.

He did not.

Sickest practical joke confirmed.

April 9/21

Dear Jane,

I’ve been avoiding writing because I’ve felt a whole lot of nothing. Everything is abysmal and James’ confession is all I can think about. Tony’s on my ass about slipping and he has half the mind to put me on paid leave until I get my shit together, both as the head of the department and as an agent.

Drunk words are sober thoughts, all that garbage.

I wish I could live my whole life drunk and honest. Maybe then I wouldn’t be in this situation where I’m stuck in eternal limbo with my best friend whom I’m in love with. Minus the drunk part.

Duty demands I return to this weathered journal until it’s finished so we’ll see. I might be back this month. Maybe not.

May 1/21

Dear Jane,

It rained a lot in April so now the flowers are blooming early. April showers bring May flowers. Guess it has some merit to it.

Limbo sucks. Its inescapable nature, its terrible facade of everything seeming fine when it really isn’t.

Of course, James still makes me smile, but nothing seems really okay when I let myself stop for a second.

I’m going out with Steve to a charity thing tomorrow. Should be a few hours worth of not thinking and free booze. Oh, and James and I made out in one of the quinjets after dinner today.

Felt weird considering we aren’t a couple, but it happened spontaneously as that is the nature of our relationship, it appears.

The cause also happens to be the cure of melancholy. Weird.

May 6/21

Dear Jane,

For context, it’s 5:23AM.

Went for a walk in Madison Square and then Central Park with James yesterday, although in my head it’s still today. We met up with Nat for some training at the gym. Got a bit mobbed by fans and the paps who asked if we were dating like we’re the tabloid’s biggest scoop.

We weren’t even holding hands, but I guess it’s just another reason why we shouldn’t be TOGETHER together in public.

We had another deep stuff talk again in bed after the usual business. I wanted to ask what this is between us and if he’s pursuing other options, because I’m not and I wanted to know if I should, but I also didn’t want to ruin the vibe.

He was in a good mood today, and seeing as sometimes he has nightmares, I thought it was best I don’t ruin it. He thinks I don’t notice but how do I not notice? He’s my best friend.

I kissed his cheek when he got up to leave and he kissed me goodbye on the lips.

I guess that means something.

May 17/21

Dear Jane,

In a moment of complete boredom, I listened to Imagine Dragons’ new album. It wasn’t too bad, to be honest, but Sharon thought it could’ve been better. Whatever.

May 22/21

Dear Jane,

Ran into ex-Girlfriend today. She still has that whole sunshine thing going on still. We had coffee and she asked if I got together with James yet.

I choked on my coffee and nearly died on the spot.

That’s how I learned that James apparently broke it off softly and ex-Girlfriend had, very wisely and knowingly, said that he should chase the apple of his eye before I (the apple) rotted alone and forgotten at the trunk of the tree. Or, as any sane person would say (and ex-Girlfriend DID say), get picked from the tree by another hand.

She said it was quite obvious that I was in love with James even months ago. She also thanked me for being so nice, anyway, and that it must’ve been difficult. What a fucking SAINT.

I set her up with a date with Steve because they have the same energy, honestly, and that’s going down on the 26th barring any emergencies.

Call me Cupid, but I think I just constructed the perfect match made in heaven.

Mentioned this meeting to James minus the apple detail. He asked if she was doing okay, which she was, and seemed glad for that. Between kisses and his sneaking hand beneath the covers, he also asked if there was anything else. Not really much to say on that front.

June 3/21

Dear Jane,

It’s starting to dry up consistently, now. It’s getting warmer, too. Sam brought me flowers and told me to at least turn the air-con on if I was gonna be stuck in the lab all day. Oh, the simplicities of summer are hopefully returning. Got out early and hung out with Morgan at the park in the evening.

It’s nice to hang out with someone so blissfully unaware with the stupidity of love. All Morgan cares about is grass and buttercups she grabs from the ground. She doesn’t have to worry about how to tell the guy she’s in love with that she loves him.

Oh, didn’t you hear? Nat said I should just buck the fuck up and tell him.

And Nat is scary when not listened to.

Much to brainstorm about.

June 14/21

Dear Jane,

Just here to brainstorm some ideas for future Stark Industries projects and thought I’d preface it with a small diary entry. Nothing really happened. Work’s catching up for some reason and bad guys are acting up. I’ve pulled a few all nighters, not gonna lie.

Really tired, but in a good, productive way. Haven’t thought much on the James front. Gonna have to focus on that after everything calms down.

June 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s officially summer and yet today was awful with only subtle hints of being okay.

So much for simplicity.

In the evening, I read on the hammock on the balcony. No one really bothered me except James, but he’s never a bother.

Steve and ex-Girlfriend (who will now be reidentified as Girlfriend) are pretty cute, and she meshes well with the group. There’s nothing really awkward between her, James, or me, so I guess two people’s summers are going well. Bully for them.

Didn’t really eat. Was too busy working. James got me dinner. Didn’t feel right and just kept working. This whole agreement between us has been very flexible but we really need to fit in a session soon.

I’ll make it work somehow.

June 22/21

Dear Jane,

I got my wish and didn’t at the same time. We spent the whole day in the sheets (very blissfully relaxing) and I, stupidly and with very little sleep, let it slip.

In less elegant terms, I told him I loved him. It felt very real and genuine and very-out-of-a-movie, but his reaction was less so.

What did I say? Allergic to intimacy.

He tried to play it off as best friends and even that was uncomfortable, but I, very seriously and very foolishly, corrected him that “no, James Buchanan Barnes, I am IN LOVE with you.”

He left a few minutes ago, saying something about heading down to the gym, but I know he’s just trying to avoid me.

God, how am I so stupid?

June 25/21

Dear Jane,

I haven’t seen James in a few days. I thought he was avoiding me but turns out he’s out of the country. Something about protection for whatever dignitary is travelling at the end of the month. I don’t know.

I wasn’t assigned to that op so the details weren’t shared liberally. Sam just said it’d be a while during the ambassador’s entire stay. High threat level which is why the Avengers were contracted.

I just hope he stays safe. I know he probably took off to take his mind off things, but I don’t know how he’s focusing when all I can think of is those three little words.

I love you.

Seems so fake the more I hear it in my head, but his reaction was so real that I think I might’ve just irreversibly messed things up.

July 12/21

Dear Jane,

It’s been a hectic couple of weeks. If future me finds this with blotted words, it’s because I am indeed crying while writing this.

James was medically evac’ed last night and transferred back to New York. Helen Cho was flown in from her medical conference in Minnesota where she was showcasing the newest version of the Cradle.

There was an assasination attempt and James is fucked up bad.

Holy shit, I’m so scared. I’ve never been so scared in my life. It’s like an invisible demon has my heart in his claw-like hands and he’s squeezing with all his might. I think my heart might explode.

I just want to hold his hand but he’s so high risk no one’s allowed to see him right now.

The waiting room is too quiet. Steve’s holding on to Girlfriend’s hand so hard I think her bones are broken but she’s taking it like a champ. Nat’s pacing, slowly patting a sleeping Morgan who she’s carrying. Sam and Tony are talking about stuff.

It’s too quiet.

I’m so scared.

July 13/21

They got him into the Cradle. Thank God. I think I might cry some more out of relief, but he was conscious for a few minutes earlier and he’s stable now.

It’s really late at night but they extended privileges to me to stay with him so I’m just sitting here, writing. Listening to the Cradle do its thing and the monitors do theirs.

When he was conscious, I was with him. He said some stuff under his breath but the one thing I could make out was “I’m an idiot.”

Granted, he’s right. It was supposed to be Steve or Tony on that mission. You know, people with more defense op experience, but he had to go out and volunteer himself.

I feel sort of guilty.

It’s partially my fault, isn’t it?

I think I’ll try to tuck in for tonight. I wanna be awake when he wakes up, too.

July 14/21

Dear Jane,

James woke up today. He’s still in the Cradle (lots of internal damage spread throughout the body) but he’s conscious. He saw me and immediately tried to sit up which was sweet, but when he couldn’t, he just told me to come closer and then told me that he loved me.

I called him an idiot for running away. I told him he really scared me. I told him that I loved him so fucking much. I told him that I feel so guilty and he just held my face and said that it will never be my fault.

He’s so fucking romantic, even when he’s lying down with a wound being stitched closed live in front of my eyes.

Oh, and he kissed me. I don’t think I noticed how much I actually missed him until that moment.

I don’t know how to describe the feeling in my chest. It’s a mixture between super happy and super scared and super, super warm inside. Summer might be looking up.

July 18/21

Dear Jane,

We got home today. James is staying in my room. The team doesn’t say anything about it. We’re best friends, after all, but I think they’ve known for a long time that there’s something more. Some of them are just too polite to say so.

I won’t have much time to write over the next couple of days. James has to be kept on a strict, extremely healthy diet and medicine regime.

I don’t care. I’m just glad he’s home.

He’s kissing me a lot more, now. Alpine likes the fact that his two humans are now in the same room. He purrs so loudly, I can hear him from where he’s dozing, curled up underneath James’ chin. He (James) is resting after his second round of antibiotics for the day while I work from my room, and sometimes I catch myself looking back just to make sure he’s okay.

I’m going to go kiss him now.

Be right back.

July 21/21

Dear Jane,

It’s almost Nat’s birthday (the 26th). Super exciting. James is back on solids and I’m helping him around with walking. Even with the Cradle and the healing factor, he’s still super banged up, so it’s better safe than sorry.

We had a really long talk about love and stuff. It’s good to finally have it out in the open. It was mostly me talking about my side of things and he just nodded a lot. I know he was listening though.

We also kissed a lot, like seventeen year old couples who are heavy on the PDA, but within the privacy of my room. I dunno. I like the heat of his arms and the way he kisses the shell of my ear when he’s bored or it’s a commercial break.

It feels very natural.

I am very much in love with him.

I tell him that and he always looks skeptical, but whatever. He doesn’t have to say it back (I tell him that there’s no pressure) and he’ll get it through his thick skull eventually that he’s now stuck with me.

July 25/21

Dear Jane,

We made cookies in the early AM as tradition for the party tomorrow and I told him that I love him (again, but this time he didn’t run, nor has he the past few times. Fantastic).

While the cookies were baking, he explained everything on his side of the story: how he was scared to be vulnerable, how opening up to me is just different and new and scary and I get it. I really do. I know how it feels to think you don’t deserve good things and sabotage feels like the only way to save everyone from hurt.

He smiled a lot more after that. I guess he’s just glad I get it.

One day, I’ll successfully convince James that he deserves everything good this world has to offer.

Until then, I’ll just keep trying.

P.S. He said, with less hesitation than the first time, that he loves me, too. Best. Day. Ever.

P.P.S. The cookies are so good and I want to devour them all. I could barely stop James from eating all of them. Again: Best. Day. Ever.

July 26/21

Dear Jane,

In summary of today:

Happy birthday, Natasha.

James has been given the clear bill of health which is exciting. Also, I asked him about the Jane and gift of God thing.

He knew. “Intuition” and all that. He also said I looked “like a royal dame” in my swimsuit. Smug idiot just trying to be charming.

I love him and that’s the only reason it works.

Back to the festivities.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

Good morning to you and to James who’s still in my bed at a ripe 6:23AM, fast asleep.

Progress. Now, back to sleep.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

It’s now 9:49AM and James greeted me with orange juice and waffles. He said I was cute when I slept. Creep.

He also said he tried so many times to stay in my bed after, before we were like we are now, but he never could, and now he’s upset that he missed out on my cute sleeping/waking up for the day face every time he did so.

He is exceptionally cute when he’s pouting.

I think we’re officially boyfriend-girlfriend, but we’ll work out the semantics on that later. For now, it’s another summer day together. He suggested Chinese takeout for dinner because I have to go dip back into the lab later today to check on some samples.

I agreed and he kissed me in promise like it was our “thing.” I can’t stop smiling like an idiot.

Massive progress.

July 28/21

Dear Jane,

He told me I was the only one for him.

Also, he kissed me in front of our friends for the first time. Natasha yelled “FINALLY” and pushed us into the pool. Sam laughed and then I grabbed him and threw him into the pool. Ensuing: a water fight for the ages.

For a day: 10/10

July 31/21

Hey Jane,

I think I’m happy.

I’m sorry I ever doubted the effects of writing down my feelings.

James has a romantic trip to uptown planned for our first date and he said it’ll take the whole day so I thought I’d get this entry in the morning. I dunno. It’s really early and the happy thought was the first thing that came to my head.

Weird, but it’s a good weird.

See you in a bit.

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haikyuuthots · 4 years

Note

hi there! i’ve been a follower for awhile but i’m asking this anonymously bc i dont feel like exposing myself lol. but i was wondering if i can get an emergency request. i have been in quarantine for a year (since March 12-so almost a year) because i’m considered a high risk person during the pandemic, and i’ve been quarantined with my parents who can be extremely toxic at times. On top of that, I’m a full time college student and am experiencing burnout and am just overall at an extreme low right now. It’s just pilling on top of one another and is just weighing so heavily on me—i’m not sleeping, i’m barely able to focus and i’m just in such a self-hatred state of mind because of my parents and school. I just feel like its too much at this point and I just want everything to pause for a moment so i can breathe for even just a moment. If it isn’t too much trouble can I just get Ushijima (and/or Sakusa or honestly anyone you want to add) and how they would help out their s/o? thank you so much, your writings make my day brighter so please keep up the good work :)

A/n: Thank u so much for trusting me enough to help u feel better. This is for u love, i know life can be so hard, I truly hope you feel better soon, please if u ever feel comfortable enough to talk, don’t hesitate to message me!❣️i appreciate u, more than u could ever imagine. Thank u! Hope you enjoy this 🤍

Warnings: talk about being sad and stressed, but not very explicit.

Characters: Ushijima Wakatoshi & Sakusa Kiyoomi

For the first time in a while, nothing in the world mattered. - Ushijima Wakatoshi

———————————————————

Life was overwhelming, it truly was. The more you thought about how many issues you had the more stressed you got. The last thing you wanted was to be consumed by this negative energy, you hated it and all you wanted to do was stop feeling this way but the more the days passed the more evident it got that you weren’t feeling like yourself, and your boyfriend was the first to notice your change in attitude. Ushijima was very observant, he rarely ever said much but the minute he realized you were down he wanted to do everything in his power to lift your spirits up. He would do anything to see a genuine smile on your face again.

You were surprised to see you boyfriend when you woke up Tuesday morning, making breakfast in the kitchen usually by this time he’d be gone, training for the majority of the day.

“Toshi? What are you doing?” You asked, a bit confused by the sight in front of you.

“Y/n, love, I’m making you breakfast.” He says lifting up the pan a little, showing you the scrambled eggs.

You giggle a bit, “yeah baby I see that, but I mean what are doing here now? Shouldn’t you be at practice?”

Ushijima lowers the heat on the pan and makes his way over to you, “i asked for today off, I want to be with you.”

You’re looking up at him with a shocked face “w-hat, why?”

He’s cupping your face, looking down at you lovingly “I love you. You don’t have to say anything now, but it’s been hard to ignore how down you’ve been I just want to be here with you, because I will always be with you, no matter what.”

Your vision begins to blur form the tears that are threatening to come out, you roughly wrap your arms around his body, and nuzzle your face into his chest. He holds you tightly, resting his chin on your head.

“I’m just- so tired. I feel like everything is falling apart.” You barely whisper out, tears prickling down your face.

Ushijimas heart breaks at the sound of your voice, but he tries his best to keep a strong tone, for your sake.

“Love, I’m here for you. Today, tomorrow, and every day after that. I won’t ever let you feel this alone.”

He pulls away, slightly wiping your tears, smiling down at you “I made you your favorite, would you like to eat now?”

You smile up at him, before you answer you give him a small peck on the lips “yes. I would love to eat with you.”

Your boyfriend spent the rest of the day by your side. He planned out all your favorite activities, starting with going to the movies, later getting frozen yogurt, and finally going to your favorite pond to feed the ducks. During that entire time you forgot about everything that negatively weighed on you, you were beyond grateful for Ushijima , because for the first time in a while, nothing in the world mattered. He kept his word too, every day he never failed to remind you that he was there and he would always be there, for you, for anything you ever needed.

I’ll be here for you, til’ the end. - Sakusa Kiyoomi

——————————————————

It was 4Am and you rolled over again, looked like it would be another sleepless night. You couldn’t remember when the last time you got a good 8 hours of sleep was. It seemed that the stress of everything going on your life was specifically haunting you at night.

Looking over you see your boyfriends sleeping figure, you sigh thinking about how disappointed he’d be if he saw you awake at this hour. You quietly head over to grab your phone, trying to distract your negative thoughts by watching videos. After 15 minutes youre startled by your boyfriends sleepy voice

“y/n? Why are you up?”

“I can’t sleep, but don’t worry about it, you just go back to sleep oomi.”

You resume your video, watching until a hand begins hovering over the screen and your boyfriend briefly snatches your phone away from your hold

“Oomi, what?” You asked a bit confused,

Sakusa is now sitting up as he turns on the lamp beside your nightstand, he’s more awake now, gently rubbing his eyes

“Baby. What’s wrong?” He asks you,

“N-nothings wrong, I just can’t sleep tonight. But I’m okay.” You try your best to fake a smile, in hopes to not worry your boyfriend, but he knew you like the palm of his hand, he could tell when something was wrong.

Looking at you, more intensely he gently runs his finger under the bags under your eyes “you haven’t been sleeping have you?”

You audibly gasp at his realization, “I-I’m trying too, I am but”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Concern is laced all over his words

“I-I, just didn’t want to worry you.” You’re looking down as tears start falling down your face

Sakusa is looking at you with soft eyes, immediately he brings your body towards his and engulfs you into a hug. He’s holding you tightly as he speaks

“It’s okay, you’ll be okay.”

You continue crying on him, as you release your built up frustrations. He made it easy to cry, you couldn’t keep wishing things would be different, you’ve been so hard on yourself lately, but Oomi here comforting you was all you needed to help relieve that.

You two stayed in that position for a few minutes before you finally regained your composure, Sakusa holding you the entire time.

Finally pulling away he wipes your tears, looking deeply into your eyes

“I love you, you’re my entire world y/n. And I’ll be here for you, til the end, anytime you need me. Please never forget that”

You smile at his genuine words. Sakusa leans down to connect his lips with yours, kissing you lovingly.

Pulling away, Sakusa finds the remote control turning the tv on. You’re a bit confused by his actions

“Wh-?”

“I won’t fall asleep until you do.” He cuts you off, his eyes still looking at the tv.

“Kiyoomi , don’t do-“

He looks back at you, “I mean it, I’m staying up with you, until you’re asleep.”

And he did, he didn’t sleep until he made sure you did first. Every night after that, he made sure to stay up with you until you slept, not only that but he was very attentive with anything you needed, caring for you, listening to you and reassuring you that you’d be fine. You were beyond thankful for him, because your boyfriend showed you time and time again that he would do absolutely everything to make sure you were aware at the fact that you were never alone.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu blog #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu! x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu boys #haikyuu x y/n #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima wakatoshi x reader #kiyoomi sakusa #sakusa kiyoomi drabbles #ushijima Wakatoshi drabbles

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neoraso · 4 years

Text

royal guard!minho

requested | some gender neutral hc for how he starts to wish he was maybe more than just a guard to you

to put things lightly, minho was the ace of your entire guard

like he was better than anyone …at everything

so originally he was on (your father) the king’s immediate guard

he was nothing but professional and saved the king too many times to count even from like stepping on rocks idk

when you turned like 17 and had to do more public appearances obv u were in a lot more danger so ur father jumped at having minho reassigned to u as the head of your personal guard “nothing but the best for his child”

the first time you met him… he only nodded or said yes or no to everything u asked him n ur jus like ok not much of a talker that’s not so bad ig haha ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

he was so quiet and “polite” for months despite you constantly trying to get something out of him

ur other guards always tried not to laugh bc if only u knew he had like two friends and was generally a pretty serious guy

but one day there was a festival in your kingdom’s central city so obv you had to make an appearance which u were very excited abt bc you only get to go into town like twice a year and THIS was one of those times

being “of age” and that much closer to taking the throne you might as well have painted a big red target on your head to signal people against the throne

everything was going fine, everyone was having fun and you decided to visit some of the booths and musicians around the square

minho was already suspicious of the situation and tightens the rest of your guard without u evenn rlly noticing but like

just as you turned to show these cute little candies to minho to maybe get a reaction for once -

the second he looks at you, someone moves to grab you but the flash of a knife in his other hand causes minho to jump immediately into action

honestly who knows what rlly happened minho moved so damn fast but the next thing you know, ur in the middle of your whole guard squad

looking through the gaps of their shoulders you see minho pinning down your assailant with a blade against his neck waiting for someone to arrest him even though he rlly wanted to just execute the guy right there

the festivities were kind of killed for u after that bc you and your family were rushed back home which u might’ve been more sad abt if u werent in so much shock :<

obv minho was the one to escort you back but like all he said was “you’re okay?” and after u dumbly nodded with wide eyes he walked with you but kept a hand around your shoulder

no one really talked after that which wasn’t unusual for him but in his mind he was rlly like

“?? ok i know its literally my job to protect this family but?? hm whyyyy do i seem to care sm more rnnn??//?” help him sdhskjd

u just looked so shaken up and disappointed and suddenly he was like damn </3 they rlly have no fun in their life and this one time they could was ruined :///

u had to stay inside for weeks after that bc it turns out there was a whole conspiracy to “eliminate” your family line so you waited in safety until the criminals were “taken care of”

minho had everything triple checked around the castle for your safety and secretly made sure you had extra treats and warm drinks sent to your room sometimes with little notes that he had the cook pretend to have sent because lately he’d heard you had trouble sleeping sometimes he’s shy boy aw

he started to realize how much he had gotten used to your smile and your little jokes and the way you sometimes tripped on the corners of rugs. and he thought maybe it was a good thing you guys didnt have many interactions lately because he was way too attached

you on the other hand, couldnt even rlly complain about having to stay inside so much bc you had everything you needed and- you knew it was for ur safety but- it wassss kind of suffocating at times

u tried sneaking out at first ((just to the garden!!)) which obviously was a bad idea bc it’s impossible to get past minhos fcking hawk eyes lmao

he STILL didnt say anything like he would just follow right behind you

n like u kinda huffed but whatever honestly at least it was just him and not 15 other guards like everyone acted like you needed

plus it was somewhat comforting to have someone so solid around even if he never talked smh

one night you sat near the little pond and tried to calm your mind by watching how the moonlight rippled in the water

you can feel him behind you so u just turn around and look at him ignoring how he was already looking at you

“would you at least sit with me?”

he kind of hesitates bc …what if someone tried to come up behind you? but with the sad look on your face he cant help but give in and sits on the stone bench at the opposite end of you

it becomes actually somewhat peaceful until you just decide to ask everything you’ve been wondering n u just blurt out-

“would it kill you to talk with me once in a while? i mean, talk like a normal person and not a machine? i dont bite i promise..”

he furrows his brow bc he’s shocked you cared at all and also he doesnt rlly know how to respond without being like “its not really in my job description to make conversation” but he honestly just thought you were being talkative out of niceties.

before he could even form a sentence you continued,

“i mean- i’m always trying to get your attention. i dont get to meet many people for obvious reasons but my guards are the closest people to me-literally, and i dont want there to be a big gap between us just because of my status..”

he cuts you off before you ramble yourself to death

“i didn’t know you were this troubled by it… i just take my job very seriously and i dont want to risk anyone’s safety for the sake of conversation”

u almost roll ur eyes but not wanting to be rude ur just like “even at home? i know you’re serious about your duties, believe me, i just… i get lonely.”

smthing inside him literally breakkkssss when you say that like u are such a pure and sweet person that deserves to have all the love and friends and fun in the world so he just gets quiet for a second and looks down

“im sorry.” he said it so softly you almost didnt hear him “i’ll be there for you more- if thats what you need. im essentially in charge of your safety and care and i’ll do anything to fulfill that responsibility.”

ok.

well this was good right? so why did you still feel unsatisfied?

“i dont want to just be a responsibility, cant we just be like friends? or…”

you cut yourself off before talking too much again

you had to admit to yourself you had developed a bit of a liking for minho, not just because he was probably the most handsome person in your kingdom, not even just because he saved your life, but he had really been a pillar of security in your life and you respected his loyalty and ambition.

he was more than admirable and everything you wanted as a standard for your kingdom

sometimes you let your mind wander to him getting on one knee and leading alongside you..

no, now youre getting sidetracked and delusional and he can practically hear the gears turning in your head so he stands up and reaches his hand out for you to grab

“of course you’re more than a responsibility to me, come on, lets go inside it’s getting cold.’

taking his hand and realizing the conversation was over, you moved to link arms instead as he walked you all the way to your bedroom door

u slept a lot better that night

from that point on you could not get rid of minho

like everyone was borderline uncomfortable with how jarring his change in attitude was

like he was constantly behind you looking right over your shoulder or grabbing your arm to stop you from bumping into things

even when he wasnt technically on duty he had taken it upon himself to give you little lessons in archery and even some defensive moves to help you protect yourself in case someone wasnt fast enough to help you

your tried not to get flustered every time he adjusted your form and the way you could feel his breath behind your ear

or the head pats when he walked you to your room at night

or his hand on your back when you guys would take walks in the garden

honestly it did not take long until one night you were sat next to your pond and after some comfortable small talk you noticed how close his face was to yours

but he noticed you didn’t pull away even as he leaned in closer and finally just kissed you

when he pulled away and saw your eyes still closed and how soft you looked his heart almost exploded

“i didnt mean to make things weird i just,, couldnt help myself, sorry”

his rushed confession pulls you out of your daze and you’re so happy (a little shocked) but you’re quick to reassure him

“it’s ok, i’ve been wanting you to do that for a while …”

he’s jus like “rlly?😳”

obviously this complicates things a lot and you aren’t really sure if you would even be allowed to have a relationship with minho bc of ur position

or if he would get in trouble for breaking the rules of attachment to u

all of this is kind of racing thru both of ur minds as you look at each other but you laugh after u both start talking at the same time

you prod him to go first so he grabs your hands and says like

“look i care about you a lot, and i know we’re not really supposed to be doing this but if i can be by your side … beyond my duties…i would really love to. but if we can’t, i can survive with just being here to protect and serve you in anyway i can”

he’s so honest and genuine and earnest it shocked u a little

even tho you were uncertain abt the situation as well you knew you had grown a little too fond and dependent on minho that you would do anything to make it work

luckily an arranged marriage was not required for you so that wasnt really the issue, but falling in love with someone not at all royal..? it was a daunting thought how the idea would be perceived

you wouldnt have said anything if you both weren’t completely sure of your feelings; but you really could not imagine being content or safe spending your life with anyone else so you mustered up the courage to ask the king and queen…

when you brought it up to your parents they looked pretty concerned

minho went on the whole “i’ll do anything to protect them and this kingdom” speech and your father just waved him off and was like

“i know u would …. i’ll allow it because there’s really no one better to represent the kingdom and because i want only the best for my child ;)”

u and minho were literally in shock but just quietly said thank u and left the room

when you had privacy he immediately pulled you in for a kiss (maybe several all over ur face)

you had a lot to figure out and many responsibilities but now you had an amazing person by your side to help you through it :.) <3

244 notes · View notes

thetiredbiwrites · 4 years

Text

And then...

Dad!Tony x Son!Reader

(mentions of Uncle Rhodey)

Anon: // hello can you do angsty tony x Son reader. Tony and reader has strained relationship and they we're not in good terms, Tony prefer Peter than his son but it got change when both of them got kidnapped, they been together for a few days and slowly they reconciled. Soon they got save by the avengers but the Son Reader notice that one kidnapper pulled a weapon to Tony then R save his father, he got shot then Tony is scared to see his son dying. Its up to you the ending. ☺

A/N: Thank you for the Tony request 🤗🤗 Hope this is ok! (I love dad!Tony, I think he’d be so good...even though this fic is on a different note🤔😂)

Warnings: Cliff hanger end. It was getting pretty long and I wanted to upload something before bed (which also means it hasn’t been checked but oh well, I’ll re-read it tomorrow) BUT I do plan on doing a part 2 :)

(Also swearing, just always assume swearing)

Words: 3100+

Tony’s relationship with his son had always been strained. Ever since he was practically dumped on his doorstep at 4 years old.

Tony had no prior knowledge that he has a kid, none of the women he’s been with had ever even told him they were pregnant. But if he was being honest with himself, it didn’t surprise him. With the way he got around it was bound to happen eventually.

He just wished he’d known from the beginning.

Having a 4 year old left in his care with no warning put him in a whole new territory he was completely unprepared for.

A baby gives you time to prepare and are essentially a ‘blank slate’ at birth. A 4 year old has experiences, like and dislikes, routines, a connection to someone who abandons them with a stranger…

At the time, Tony was still a playboy, out at events and travelling a lot. As well as CEO of a company manufacturing weapons for the military. He didn’t have time for a child. To break through recently arisen trust and abandonment issues and build a relationship.

He cared about his son. Always made sure he had everything he needed or wanted, a good education and was in good health. But forming personal, emotional connections can’t be done with money, and Tony could barley cope with his own true emotions.

It quickly became clear that they did not share talents or interest in maths, sciences or mechanics. His son struggled especially with maths and Tony initially really did try to help, finally thinking something was in his element and he could bond.

But elementary (followed by middle and high) maths was so simple and automatic for Tony’s brain that he found it difficult to slow down and explain the process to the young boy.

He hired a tutor in his place.

That’s not to say Tony expected or needed his son to be a genius in the same subjects as him. He didn’t need his son to follow him (or his father) to be worthy of his time. But it would have made it easier.

Instead, his son excelled in English and arts, and was amazing in the kitchen. He loved to write stories, create pictures to accompany them and experimenting with new recipes.

Unfortunately, Tony did not excel in these areas, thus distancing them further.

At least he wasn’t taking after his father though. He didn’t force his son into one path or degrade him. No forcing him to grow up, giving him alcohol at a ridiculously young age or sending him away to be completely alone.

Tony often wondered himself if he’d have taken the path he did if his father hadn’t pushed him. If he’d be the same person without the verbal abuse and constant neglect of his father.

He wasn’t blind to his emotional distance and lack of bond to his son. Or to the connection the boy had to both Rhodey and Pepper. He could see that his son was connect to the two people he trusted the most and he was glad.

When Rhodey was available, being in the air force meant he wasn’t always around, he made sure to take the boy out, go to school events and even read his stories, giving feedback and support.

Pepper made herself available if he ever needed to talk and was always willing to taste test.

Even Happy was around to take him where he needed to go, training in the gym and joke with.

So even if the young boy didn’t have a relationship with his father, he had adults around to support and love him and help him through life.

It didn’t stop him wishing he did have a relationship to his father though.

While MIA in Afghanistan, Tony realised he wanted to try harder to build a relationship to his nearly teenaged son.

It didn’t happen.

He returned home and completely changed his company, which required a lot of time. His guilt also led in him to putting on that damn suit and trying to save the world.

And then he nearly died from palladium poisoning.

And then New York was attacked by aliens and the avengers were formed.

And then Tony had PTSD; anxiety, panic attacks and nightmares.

And then ‘terrorists’ blew up their house and nearly killed Happy and Pepper.

And then murderous robots.

And then the avengers broke up.

And then Tony worked with the UN to amend the accords and set up more help and cleaning crews. Back to lots of travelling.

And then…

And then… Peter.

It never eased up and his son turned 18.

His son made excuses over the years. He genuinely was busy and obviously struggled with relationships. Maybe he’s just not paternal? You can’t blame someone for trying to save lives either.

Of course he was aware it isn’t all on Tony, he could have tried harder to bond with his father as well.

But then Peter came along.

Scientifically and mathematically gifted Peter.

Superhero Peter.

Enthusiastic, smart and funny 15 year old Peter.

And then Tony had the time.

He made the time.

For Peter.

To talk to him. Help with his homework and superheroing.

Teaching him. Training him.

They spent a lot of time in the workshop and lab.

Tony was always so interested in what Peter had to say. Whether is was about science or mechanics, school, spider-man or even teenage romance.

It came so easily and naturally to Tony.

He had the time.

Even the team had noticed this relationship and dubbed them ‘Iron-Dad and Spider-Son’.

That hurt.

The time he overheard Clint comment, ‘why couldn’t we have had dad-Tony this whole time?’ really stung.

Tony’s been a dad, to a son, the entire time he’s known the avengers.

He didn’t hate Peter though. It’s not his fault and he’s actually perfectly nice. But to see his father so easily bond with another kid in a short time made him realise that he’d never get that father-son relationship.

Tony is paternal. Just not for him.

His eyes fluttered open, the ground cold against his face.

Wait, ground? What-

A groan passed his lips as he sat up, pressing a hand to the side of his head where pain radiated.

He blinked the fuzziness from his eyes, trying to remember how he got there, but the last thing he could recall was leaving the Stark Industries event after supporting Pepper.

The room was dull and very basic. With stone walls and floor, no windows, one dim light and two metal framed beds so rusty they would probably break under his weight.

As he glanced back down to the ground, he noticed another body in the room. They were still slumped on the ground and back to him.

Scrambling across the floor, he pushed on the mans shoulder to lay in on his back and see his face.

Dad?

Quickly he checked for a pulse and when he was satisfied with the regular thumping, he moved away, letting out a sigh of relief.

With his back to the wall, arms resting on his bent knees, he waited.

It was only a short while later when Tony began to wake. Groaning and sitting up in the same manner his son had moments earlier.

“Oh God, what the hell-where am I?” He mumbled, clearly unaware he wasn’t alone.

“I was hoping you’d know the answer”

Tony’s head snapped over at the grumbled voice to see his son.

“Y/N. What- what are you doing here?”

“hell if I know. Can’t imagine why anyone would take me. I generally don’t piss people off and I’m neither an Avenger or a tech genius.”

“Maybe they mistook you for me” Tony joke, completely oblivious to his sons disinterested and cold tone.

He shuffled back to lean against the opposite wall as his son scoffed.

“Sorry kid, you got the Stark looks.”

“Yeah, that’s all I got” the young man mumbled, leaning his head back on the wall, closing his eyes.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.”

Silence fell between them until the door opened.

The two men rose to their feet as two armed guards entered the room, a third following with a tray of unappealing food and bottled water.

Neither Stark was acknowledged as the tray was placed on one of the beds and they turned to leave. They even ignored Tony’s incessant questioning and cocky attitude.

His son stayed silent, taking on of the bottles as he sat back on the floor, still not ready to trust the beds.

“Could they just answer a simple question? They got to have a fucking reason for this.”

“Whatever it is I wish they’d just hurry up with it.”

“What, are you bored? Got places to be?” Tony asked, before taking his seat back on the floor.

“Yes, actually. I have an interview Monday and I’m not ready.”

“An interview? What for?”

“Like you actually care.”

“Hey, that’s not-“ Tony began to object but his son looked over at him and cut him off.

“Unless it’s about Peter or Superhero shit, you don’t want to know. You haven’t magically become interested, you just don’t like the silence and unfortunately I’m the only one here. You never cared about what was actually happening in my life before, why start now?”

Tony stared at his son in shock. It’s hard to make The Tony Stark speechless, but right now he had no words at all.

As his son dropped his head back to the wall, looking away from him, Tony couldn’t take his eyes off his son.

Thoughts ran through his head as he examined his son, becoming aware of how little he really did know.

-When did he get so tall? Not tall-tall though, definitely the Stark gene at work there.

-That suit makes him look so grown up, even if those a-holes took our jackets and shoes. Why did they take our shoes? No. Not important. Focus.

-I care about my son. Come on Tony, think. Something.

-School? Crap, when did I last even read a report card? He’s always aced English. Didn’t he do band? No, shit, that was Peter. Goddamnit, is he right?

“You’re 18.”

“Well done. You want a medal?”

“Is the interview for college?”

His son still didn’t move, wouldn’t even look at him.

“Please, Y/N. I-I know I’ve not really been… present in your life. But I do care about you.”

“Do you?” His eyes burned long repressed anger and Tony prepared himself for everything that was coming. He knew he’d deserve it too.

“You gave up so easily. It was too hard to bond with your idiot son, a shy kid who couldn’t understand simple maths. You’d rather be with women and go to parties, and the company always came first. All you did was throw money at things. For year I was fine with it, you using money to help me. I had more than more. It was clear you struggled with relationships of any kind and I was just dumped on you with no warning. It was fine because I had Rhodey, Pepper and Happy. They were there to talk to, they taught me things and supported me, Rhodey would go to school events whenever he could. I just figured maybe you’re not a paternal person. Then you became Iron Man and started saving the world and I can’t be mad about that.”

Tony stayed silent and watched as his son stood up, running a hand through his hair as he began to pace.

“Then you met Harley and kept in touch with him. You upgraded his garage into a high-tech lab. But he did help you save Pepper and the President so I guess you owed him and I didn’t let it bother me. It wasn’t until Peter came along that I noticed that you are one of the most naturally paternal people I know. You became his father figure, took him in so quickly, bonding immediately. If he needed help, you were there. He wanted to talk, you listened. Whether it’s out being Iron Man and Spider-man, training him, helping him with his school work or just locking yourselves in the workshop for hours building new shit. You’re always there for him. He witters on about some stupid crush for 25 minutes and you hang on every word. But you couldn’t do that for me?! What, did I need to be a genius at maths?! Interested in building extravagant technology?! Would you have noticed me then? You know, you went to Peter’s science show last month but you’ve never been to any of my school events. It was always Rhodey, Pepper and Happy a couple times, or no-one. But never you.”

The young man stared at his father, chest heaving, eyes burning as he held back tears. Yet Tony said nothing. He couldn’t take his eyes off his son. Lips parted and eyes glistening with unshed tears, he just sat, no words coming out.

“Yeah I’m 18 any yeah it’s a college interview. I graduate in a few weeks, Rhodey’s going. I’ve already been accepted to a couple colleges. Only a few months and I can leave.”

He didn’t give Tony a chance to respond as he risked the bed, laying down and facing the wall as he focused on bringing his breathing back to normal.

Behind him, his father watched on as tears fell down his face, guilt taking over his whole being.

Neither of them spoke for the rest of the night. While his son eventually fell asleep, Tony stayed on the floor, thinking through everything his son told him and looking back over the years.

The following morning, two guard came in and took Tony away.

They brought him back a few hours later, unharmed. The younger Stark watched as Tony worried his bottom lip and fussed with his clothes. He noted the troubled look on his father’s face and it was clear that whatever the kidnappers told him wasn’t good at all.

But he remained silent.

Eventually Tony settled, sitting on the floor again. But the two still didn’t speak for a few more hours.

“I’m sorry,” Tony finally broke through the silence and tense atmosphere of the confined space.

His son remained silent but his eyes moved up to look at him. This was enough of an acknowledgement that he was listening and so Tony continued.

“You might not believe that, but I am. I don’t know why it was so hard or why it was so easy with Peter. I didn’t- It wasn’t intentional, I didn’t even realise.”

The young Stark kept his eyes on his father but his face stayed blank and lips sealed.

“And you know, just because maths and science subjects didn’t come naturally to you doesn’t mean you’re an idiot. I’ve never once thought you were. I know the Stark name has become so tied to them, mechanics, advanced technology and engineering… but it doesn’t mean you’re not…good enough? Because you don’t follow that. I never thought you should have been, it didn’t-didn’t disappoint me or anything. But you were always so talented in arts, you wrote the most amazing stories and a complete natural in the kitchen. Things I’m not so great at. It just made it harder for me to figure out how to connect. I didn’t know where to start.”

A small smile flashed across his face, eyes glazed as he recalled the past.

“Y’know, I loved those stories about the uh, the dragons that live on your shoulder. I’d find drawings and paintings of them all over the house, and it was a big house!”

Across from him, his son’s head raised a little higher, eyebrows subtly furrowing and looked at the soft expression on his father’s face. He had no idea Tony even know about those.

“I should have been there, tried harder. There’s no excuse for that. But I have always cared. You were just so talented in things I didn’t understand. Then I saw how close you and Rhodey became and-“

Tony let out a sigh, looking away from his son.

“You were left with me, an egotistical ass and a- a playboy. I didn’t think I deserved you. You deserved someone better. Someone emotionally available and mature. Someone to help you grow into an amazing person and progress your talents. Someone like Rhodey. He deserved you and you him. He was -and is- better for you. You were loved and supported by him, and then Pepper and Happy, so I – I thought you’d be ok. That you wouldn’t need me.”

Once again it was all quiet in the small room. This time Tony wouldn’t look at his son, but he couldn’t take his eyes off his father.

“I did need you.”

His voice was raspy as he admitted this to not only Tony but himself.

“Rhodey’s the best. I love him. Couldn’t have asked for a better Uncle. But that’s what he is; my Uncle. You were supposed to be my Dad. I shouldn’t have had a father figure when my father was right there. You were so cool, before and after becoming Iron Man. You made everything around you seem like fun. I didn’t understand the tech crap but- I’m an artist. I can, and did, design things. It’s not all on you, I didn’t make it easy.”

“You were a kid, it is on me. But, maybe- When we get out of here I’ll do better. I want to be an active part in your life. I also understand if it’s too late though.”

“It’s not. It’ll take time but, I’d like that. Rhodey might get jealous though.”

A huffed laugh slipped past Tony’s lips as they spread into a smile on his face when his son cracked a grin.

They continued to talk into the night, about school, which colleges and courses, friends and dating. Once they started they couldn’t stop.

It is hard to shut up a Stark.

They were laughing about one of Tony’s stories of his time in MIT with Rhodey when an explosion shook the room.

The men stood up and faced the door as the sounds of fighting and yelling grew nearer. A smirk spread on Tony’s face as he recognised the noises of his teammates.

It wasn’t long before the door was broken down and Captain America stood in it’s place.

“Bout damn time. Did you stop for coffee?”

“Yeah, yeah, tin man. You’re welcome.” Hawkeye quipped as they walked down the halls.

Rhodey broke through to get to his nephew’s side, checking him over and ensuring he was ok.

Tony led the group to the main room. The kidnappers had access to files and tech that would be too dangerous to leave.

As Tony wiped everything, quips flowing between him and his teammates, none of them noticed the man sneak in through another door.

The younger Stark moved before his brain could even process what was happening, placing himself between his father and the gun that was raised to his back.

*bang*

#tony stark x reader #platonic tony stark x reader #platonic!tony stark x reader #tony stark x son!reader #tony stark x son #tony stark imagine #avengers imagine #avengers reader insert

408 notes · View notes

italian-pastry · 4 years

Text

BNHA Kid Headcanons

(For @yourwildflowerbouquet )

KIRIBAKU

-Eijirou had always wanted a lot of kids

-and Katsuki can't say no to his husband

-so there's 5 of them

-(damn 5 whole children)

-their kids call them Papa (Eijirou) and Dad (Katsuki)

-the first one is a girl

-she's just a copy-paste katsuki (personality wise) but with a better attitude

-they were figuring out how to raise kids

-they did pretty well, I think

-Her quirk is Fragmentation (She can make spikes on her body, then shoot them off like missles)

-her name is Mieko (Already Prosperous)

-the second one was a boy

-he ended up much more like Eijirou

-overall a radical little dude

-his quirk is Lavanic (he secretes lava like how Mina secretes acid)

-his name is Akio (Bright Man; Manly; Hero)

-(wow so original)

-the third one was born a male but she's more comfortable identifying as a girl so she's a she and that's that

-suprisingly timid for being raised by Katsuki and Eijirou

-also surprisingly, she still manages to be more like Katsuki whilst being timid

-passionate, stubborn, probably has some sort of complex, etc.

-her quirk is Pressure Blow (she hardens her own skin, but not as strong as Eijirou can, and when it breaks, there's an explosion)

-her name is Hiroki (Bright; Hope)

-the last two are twins

-which really surprised Katsuki

-"wtf why are there two"

-"well, kat, there is such a thing as twins"

-there is a girl and boy

-katsuki was horrified when his mom told him that the girl acted just like he did when he was a baby

-the boy is much more chill

-he just wants to play sports is that such a crime?

-the girl's quirk is Explosion (can send out a burst of energy like an explosion) and the boy's is Implosion (Explosion but in reverse)

-the girl's name is Kana (Powerful) and the boy's name is Tatsuhiro (Dragon, Immense Power)

-they're one big happy family

-Mieko has fully sharp teeth (like Eijirou) and the twins have partially sharp teeth

TODODEKU

-Shouto was worried when Izuku brought up the prospect of having kids

-he didn't want to fuck them up because he had a terrible dad

-"Izuku you didn't have a dad and I wish I didn't have a dad we're gonna fuck up this poor kid"

-Izuku respected his wishes and accepted the fact that they probably wouldn't have kids

-until Shouto had a chat with Natsuo (after Natsu became a dad)

-"Here's how I think of it, little bro; I'm gonna be the best fucking dad to this kid to show Endeavor that no matter how badly he fucked me up, I can still be happy with a better family than he will ever have"

-that certainly changed Shouto's perspective on things

-"oh yeah don't forget to have a good support system and do research on how to raise a kid or idk ask someone with actually good parents ok good luck buddy"

-So Shouto was lile "hey maybe we can try this kid thing out I did research and I'm feeling a bit more confident in my ability to raise a human"

- Izuku: :DD

-So they had a son!

-He's real chill (he's the mom friend and proud of it)

-imagine Shouto's overall chillness, but with Izuku's caring nature

-his quirk is Half-Flurry Half-Firework (he can make snow from one side of his body and sparks from the other)

_his name is Toshi, for obvious reasons

-(All Might cried)

-Izuku was like "look at how well we're doing with our son! Man, we we're worried over nothing!"

-"let's have another"

-"what"

-"you heard me"

-so they had another!

-Poor girl was born with the curse of blue eyes and red/pink hair

-Shouto was happy that she at least got Izuku's freckles to balance it out

-Homegirl is just Izuku minus anxiety

-she'd be unstoppable if she really tried

-her quirk is Thermostat (she can raise or lower the temperature of the air around her)

-her name is Arakan (Worthy One; Hero)

-Izuku: Wow I love our kids and how not screwed up they are :D

-Shouto: one more

-Izuku: wha

-Shouto: Just one more

-So they had one more

-she's a very good girl

-very respectful and sweet

-her quirk is black ice (ice, but black)

-her name is Youdai (Gentle; Shine)

- The kids call their parents Chichi (Izuku) and Daifu (Shouto)

-Sometimes called 'Chi' and 'Dai'

-These kids have 1 (one) grandpa and his name is Toshinori and he's their favorite

-The kids' grandmas are also very popular in this household

TSUYURAKA

-Ochako was pretty excited to have kids

-And tsu wanted them too so it all worked out

-They had a son first!

-he's a sweet boy who loves everyone and has a deep passion for life

-he does fall on the autism spectrum, but he works hard to not let that hold him back

-Tsu and Ochako are very supportive of their boy

-his quirk is Space Boy (He can increase or lower the amount of gravity affecting himself or anything he kicks)

-his name is Takiyo (waterfall)

-fun fact: he has half-n-half hair (half brown half green)

-their second child is a beautiful girl

-she's sisterly and energetic

-she doesn't really "get" hero culture and the desire for that lifestyle

-her quirk is Frog Morph (she can turn into a frog)

-her quirk is pretty plain, but she doesn't care

-her name is Ezumo (Fountain; cloud)

-Ochako and Tsu didn't have another kid for some time for no one reason

-but they did have another!

-he's a wittle itsy bitsy baby boy!

-he has a moon birthmark around his left eye

-AND heterochromia

-(man their kids have alot of half-n-half bastard traits)

His quirk is Orbit (anything he touches starts to orbit around himself)

-His name is Tsuki (Moon), but he's nicknamed Usagi (Rabbit)

- the kids call their moms Haha (Ochako) and Mama (Tsuyu)

-Since Ochako and Tsuyu didn't take each other's last names, their kids have alternating last names

-Takiyo and Tsuki have the Asui last name, and Ezumo has the Uraraka last name

SHINKAMISERO

-Denki and Hanta were the ones most excited to have kids at first, and Hitoshi was like 'cool go nuts I'll help raise them'

-So, biologically, their first kid's parents are Hanta and Denki

-but he's still very close to Hitoshi

-he looks and acts a lot like Hanta

-he's an all around sk8r boi

-his quirk is Electric Tape (basically Hanta's quirk but he can send and harness electricity via his tape)

-His name is Takeo (Warrior)

-one day when he was young, he had a really bad nightmare, and the only one of his dads awake was Hitoshi (since he's an insomniac)

-Hitoshi listened to his boy's rambling, and told him that no matter what monster or villain comes after him, he promises that he'd always protect him

-but one day, some B-tier villains broke into their home while Hanta and Denki were out doing Hero things

-Hitoshi tried to take them down, but they anticipated fighting him and had a strategy to take him down and ended up knocking him out

-when he was woken up by the police, they discovered that Takeo had been taken by the villains

-for five days, the villains had held him for ransom

-and for those five days, Hitoshi worked literally non-stop to try and track down and rescue Takeo

-after those five days, they ended up paying the ransom, and Takeo was returned to the police and his family safely

-except for a large gash on his shoulder he got during the initial break-in

-the whole event deterred Hitoshi from having more kids

-he was very anxious about being there for Takeo, and Hanta and Denki understood that

-so he and his husbands didn't have kids for like 15 years

-at this point, Takeo is a teenager, more independent, and is stronger/can tale care of himself

-Hitoshi feels better now about being able to put his attention elsewhere (focus less on Takeo)

-so he brought up to his husbands "Hey, do ya maybe wanna have another kid?"

-and they were like "omigosh yeah totally yes let us have another child"

-and there were twins!

-one boy and one girl!

-Hitoshi was just as confused as Baku when twins showed up

-"hol' up I only signed up for 1 kid not 2"

-"too bad they're yours"

-"Two for the price of one!" <- that's Hanta

-Biologically speaking, both of them are Hitoshi's, but the boy has Denki's DNA and the girl has Hanta's

-the boy has a resting bitch face and cries a lot

-the girl has resting sad face, but she's actually pretty cool

-the boy's quirk is Electroshock Therapy (mostly like Denki's quirk, except when he shocks you, you're under his control) and the girl's name is Mind Bind (it looks like Deku's Black Whip, except whenever it wraps around someone, they're under her control)

-the boy's name is Masashi (Commander; General) and the girl's name is Maemi (Honest Child)

-it's a bit weird for Takeo to have newborn siblings, but he loves them regardless!

-the kids call their dads Dad (Hitoshi), Pop (Denki), and Dada (Hanta)

AOMINA

-since I HC that Yuuga is graysexual, he didn't really vibe with kids for a while after they were married

-but Mina was totally fine with that!

-"hey it means I can still say fuck in my own house it's cool it's cool"

-although when Mina expressed further interest in kids a bit down the line, Yuuga was like "mmmmokay why not"

-and they had a girl!

-she has pink skin and weird eyes like Mina, but blonde hair and purple eyes like Yuuga!

-she also doesn't have horns

-she's very much like Mina

-she comes off as narcissistic at times, but she just has enough self-confidence for two people

-her quirk is Glo Splash (from one side of her body, she secretes one of the chemicals that make up the liquid in glow sticks, and the other half of her secretes the other chemical. She can mix them together to make it glow!)

-her name is Minako (child of Mina)

-Mina is not allowed to name their children anymore

-so when their son is born, Yuuga named him

-he got pink hair and horns and yellow eyes, but normal skin and normal eyes

-he's oddly very timid and anxious, which gives him a disconnect from the rest of his outgoing family

-his quirk is Lazer Horn (he can shoot lasers like Yuuga's from his horns)

-his name is Yukio (Snow Boy)

-the kids have hyphenated last names (Ashido-Aoyama) as opposed to having only one last name like their parents

-the most fab family has matching names: Yuuga and Yukio, Mina and Minako

-both the kids are fluent in French, and know snippets of English (we stan multilingual families)

-the kids call their parents Père (Yuuga) and Mama (Mina)

HAGOJIROU

-since Tooru was already pregananant when they got married, their first kid was quite a tad older than the majority of their Classmate's kids

-eh it's fine tho

-the first kid was a beautiful girl!

-due to her quirk, she likes to wear bright, complex clothing as to not go unnoticed

-she also makes a point to talk relatively loudly especially when in crowds

-her quirk is Ninja (physically, she is only an outline. She cannot be seen if she is standing still or the person looking for her doesn't know she's there)

-her name is Chieko (child blessed with wisdom)

-they had a second child a few years later on

-a boy!

-his fav hero is Ground Zero (to Mashirao's dismay)

-anyone who says otherwise can catch these hands

-he is also a woman respecter 100% through and through

-he can and will kick ass

-his quirk is Invisishift (he can turn himself invisible)

-kinda plain, but he loves it!

-his name is Ryuji (Dragon Child)

-A couple years after that (7-8 years or so) they had one more kid

-yet another boy!

-he's a lot like his mom (likes pranks, friendly, just a cool dude)

-he has really poofy curly hair

-his quirk is Tail (it's just Mashirao's quirk idk what to tell y'all)

-his name is Taishiro (Ambitious Boy)

-(i JUST learned that he shares his name with Fat Gum that was not planned I promise)

-all the kids can kick ass

-"Martial arts is an excellent form of exercise for children!" <- Mashirao

-the kids call their parents Mum (Tooru) and Pops (Mashirao)

-everyone's last name is Ojirou

MOMOJIROU

-Momo was really excited to have kids when their friends started announcing their pregnancies/having kids

-Baby Fever if you will

-Kyouka also wanted kids, but wasn't as outwardly excited as Momo

-and they had twiiiiiiiins

-also one boy and one girl

-because apparently there can't be same-sex twins in my headcanons

-the girl is more like Kyouka

-kinda punk, wants to be a hero, all that jazz (haha music)

-the boy is more like Momo

-elegant, charismatic, wants to go into Hero Management

-the girl's quirk is Stereo Heart (she has earphone jacks, and can play any sound she's ever heard, plus combinations) and the boy's is Bass Boost (he also has earphone jacks, but he can only alter his heartbeat (increase bass, vibrato, ect.))

-the girl's name is Satoshi (Intelligent History) and the boy's is Utano (Field Of Songs)

-both the kids are musically talented and very smart

-thanks for the great talents, moms!

-the kids call their parents Mom (Kyouka) and Mama (Momo)

-sometimes Kyouka and Momo can't tell which parent the kid is calling for, so they usually both yelling back (or the wrong one)

-it's a whole process to get the attention of the mom you want

-"HEY MOM"

-"YEAH?"

-"NO NOT YOU, MAMA, I SAID M O M"

278 notes · View notes

captcas · 3 years

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Screwed (A Destiel AU)

Screwed by capthamm (Part 1 of 2)

Dean inherits the old family inn and has to move home to fix it up for selling. When the work proves to be too much, he enlists in the town's only contractor's help– his neighbor, Castiel. Dean is short on time, stuck in a hometown riddled with old flames, and falling for the man who lives next door. He's screwed.

notes: I'm halfway through season 7 and missing Mr. Castiel on my screen so this poured out. I'm almost finished but here is part one. My first ever attempt in the Supernatural fan fiction world... please be kind. Thank to my lovely beta, Luke <3 (@bawley_bug) read on ao3

At this point, Dean’s left thumb had been hit by the hammer more than any of the nails and he was regretting every single choice he ever made that led him to this exact moment.

Why the fuck did he think he was cut out for restoring an inn? Not just any inn– the inn. The one John ran before he got too old and retired, eventually– well let’s just say Dean isn’t here out of any sort of living guilt.

Dean’s not sure why he’s here.

If he breaks it down, it’s because he received a letter in the mail exactly two months after the passing of his father detailing how Lawrence would have no choice but to tear down the old inn unless someone from his family claimed it.

Sam’s not going to leave his law practice and the life he built for Jess and the twins, out in California.

Dean’s the only one left.

So, taking things extremely literally, he’s here because a bunch of lawyers told him he needed to be.

Another slam into his thumb jolts his train of thought off its tracks and convinces him to pack it up for the night. He snaps the tools back into his massive toolkit and stands back to look at the old built-in shelves he decided would probably be the easiest to tackle on his own. Nodding at the good-enough outcome, he turns to scan the rest of the main floor.

Maybe the built-ins are the only thing he’s going to be able to do alone.

Dean doesn’t like the thought of teamwork– especially not with the grumpy prick who lives next door. His neighbor stopped by the day Dean arrived because apparently it was John’s dying wish that their neighbor offer his services when his estranged son eventually showed up to fix the inn. (Leave it to his father to leave Dean feeling inadequate from the great beyond.)

“No, thank you.” “Excuse me?” “You offered, I’m declining. Debt, paid.” "As you wish, Winchester.” Even wrapped in the neighbor’s deep lumbering voice, Dean winces at his last name– it feels just as constricting as it did when he thought he’d be stuck in this town forever, “Dean.” “Whatever.”

Dean thought that’d be the last he’d see of the guy until he marched away and slammed the door just across the small garden. That house used to be for whatever innkeeper his parents had hired, but when the inn closed they rented it out to whichever soul felt like a one bedroom one bathroom home was enough to live in.

Apparently that was this asshole.

They’ve seen each other three more times since then, but never long enough to even exchange names. Dean isn’t sure why he’s keeping track– each time just as unpleasant as the first. Sure, Dean could’ve been friendlier, but warning bells rattled through him every time the neighbor’s stormy eyes met his. Dean may have sworn off unnecessary human interaction for the foreseeable future, but he’s not blind and his neighbor isn’t hard to look at.

But his life has no room for attractive neighbors with an attitude problem.

Convincing himself there must be someone else in this town who knows their way around a fixer upper, Dean heads to the Roadhouse for dinner and hopefully the name of someone else to help him get the inn fixed up enough to sell.

Walking through the front door of the restaurant-meets-dive-bar, the familiar smell hits him like a breath of fresh air. He can’t believe he held out for almost a week before eating here. The Roadhouse is one of the few places left in the town left untouched by rotten memories and painful nostalgia. Nothing but good ever happens once he crosses this threshold and it’s that fact that allows him to relax for the first time since moving back to Lawrence.

He starts to order his usual and Jo winks signaling she remembers even after all these years– Dean can’t believe she runs this on her own now. Jo always swore she’d get out of this town, break the chains of her mother’s legacy, but nevertheless here she is– here they both are.

Jo looks happy, maybe even at home– Dean? Not so much.

The plate drops in front of him and Dean catches his old friend lingering a bit. He looks up and says thank you and that was all it took to spark some small town gossip from Jo. While he didn’t come back to rekindle any old relationships– friendly or otherwise– Dean doesn’t mind her company and before he knows it he’s laughing and taking his last bite of burger. The conversation starts to die and Dean remembers why he came to town in the first place, “Oh! Jo, I meant to ask. I’m fixing up the old inn and I need help. Do you have the number of someone who–”

“Of course, Dean! Chuck retired, but Castiel took over, after Gabriel ran off to Thailand.” Dean raises his eyebrow and Jo laughs, “ That’s a story for another meal. Here,” she hands over a napkin with a number scrawled across it, “Castiel is the best in town and will fix up that inn in no time.”

Castiel.

Dean racks his brain for any recollection of someone named Castiel from their childhood but the name doesn’t ring a bell— and a name like that definitely would ring a bell. He supposes people must move to Lawrence, just like any town, and resigns it to someone new since he left.

He can’t expect everything to stay the same while he spent the last 15 years trying to change in every way imaginable.

Thanking his friend for the help, Dean pays and heads home for the night. Finally having the name of someone to help has lifted a huge weight off his chest. He sighs as he crawls onto the old mattress in the first floor suite, thankful it’s dark enough that he can’t nitpick all that needs to be done. The sooner he can get the inn fixed up, the sooner he can sell it and go back to Sioux Falls and the life he chose rather than the one his parents forced on him.

Maybe it was the comfort of the Roadhouse or the knowledge that this process will move twice as fast with a little help, but Dean sleeps better that night than he has in years. When he wakes with the sun, he feels energized and ready to continue his work on his family’s property.

He decides to start with disassembling the kitchen cabinets and it doesn’t take long for him to find a rhythm in his work— four screws and a trip to the pile, four screws, trip to the pile. Lost in the easy monotony, Dean forgets his decision to call for help until late into the morning. Hoping to catch the contractor before lunch, he brushes the dust from his hands and digs in his pocket for the napkin Jo had written on last night.

He’s not sure why he feels so anxious as he waits for the man on the other end of the line to pick up, but he supposes it rests on the fact that this man only knows Dean by the reputation he left town with— John’s other son.

Sam was always the golden child— pretty blonde cheerleaders and a full-ride to Stanford are not even an exaggeration when it comes to his younger brother.

Dean, on the other hand, was always rough around the edges, emotional, and different — let’s just say he’d go for the cheerleader or the quarterback.

As soon as Dean was shoved out of the closet— his dad walking in on him and Benny not leaving very much up for debate— John shut him out completely. Dean brushed it off as his dad’s way of fighting every piece of homophobia he was raised with, but the fact is: it was more likely he was disgusted by his own son.

But that was ages ago and, from what Sam’s told him, John died swearing his love for both his boys.

Not that Sam would tell Dean otherwise.

“Hello?” A gruff voice breaks him out of his daze and he’s startled back to the present day.

“Uh, hi. Yeah, uh, is this Castiel?” It’s the first time Dean’s said the name aloud and he can’t help but notice how easily it rolls off his tongue.

“This is. How can I help you?” The man is all business, clearly not as affected by Dean’s use of his name as Dean was.

“Oh yeah, uh, I got your name from Jo at the Roadhouse? My name is Dean Winchester and I’m fixing up the old Winchester Inn and I’m realizing the job may be too massive to handle on my own.” Dean winces at his blatant request for help, never one to ask outright for assistance, but as he looks at the pile of kitchen cabinets which need to be sanded, painted, and rehung, he knows he can’t do this alone. He realizes the man on the other end of the line hasn’t said anything when he continues, “Uh, that is if you have the bandwidth for that…”

Another pause before the man, Castiel, speaks again, “I can be right over.”

Dean didn’t really know how to respond, he was expecting to bargain for payment or at least for a delay in starting the project. He’s not used to this immediate willingness to help a complete stranger. He’s about to stumble through a response when he realizes Castiel is no longer on the other end of the phone. He shrugs, and sets it on the counter as there’s a knock on the door.

Shit. The only way Castiel could’ve gotten here that fast is if he’s...

Dean opens the door to the man he’s now seen a mere four times despite his permanent residence on Dean’s property. His neighbor— Castiel— looks different today. The usual softness that accompanies the man overtaken by strong arms, an AC/DC t-shirt, and a tool belt placed perfectly on his hips.

Whoa, Dean.

“Uh, hi?” Dean isn’t sure how one goes about re-introducing themselves to apparently the only help in town after being an ass before. But he’s here and Dean introduced himself on the phone and he still came.

“Hello.” The man– Castiel– greets Dean so matter of factly as he glances around Dean quizzically, presumably taking in the whole of the inn. Dean is a little taken aback by this whole interaction and the way it’s entirely different than any they’ve shared previously. Castiel’s eyes meet Dean’s and Dean can’t help but notice a hint of playfulness before Castiel speaks again, “So you do need help?”

Dean rolls his eyes and Castiel laughs sending a shockwave through Dean he hasn’t felt in ages. He promptly ignores it before motioning towards the foyer and inviting his new contractor inside. They don’t exchange any pleasantries, but rather head right to work. Castiel asks questions about everything from the crown molding and stair railing to Dean’s plan for the half shattered French doors.

The man is thorough and he knows his stuff.

Maybe teamwork with him won’t be so bad.

They finish their walk through and Dean is relieved to hear that Castiel agrees the upstairs mostly needs some fresh paint. John left some money to fix up the inn, but not enough for a total overhaul. After working through the budget, they decide it’ll be more cost effective if it retains its original charm.

“Well, Dean, I like what we’ve got here and I think we can make something out of this.” Castiel slouches into one of the bar stools near the kitchen island as he surveys the room one more time. Dean does his best not to notice the sweat slowly making its way down Castiel’s collar bone and beneath the collar of his t-shirt, and the way he says Dean, and his implication that this is theirs . Dean hasn’t shared anything for most of his adult life– mostly because he hasn’t had anyone worth sharing something with.

But this inn feels like it’s meant to be shared, and Dean can’t seem to find any reason not to do so with Castiel.

“I’m glad you think so. I suppose we should discuss payment…” Dean trails off as Castiel’s gaze becomes confused.

“I don’t intend on charging you a dime, Dean.” Castiel’s matter of fact smile returns and Dean can’t ignore the way his gut flutters.

He’s not a nun, Dean’s been attracted to people for as long as he can remember being alive. From Lucy Jones in kindergarten to a myriad of characters in his adult life, he’s always been a people person loaded with an innate attraction for the kind of itches you scratch and forget ever existed.

Castiel is beginning to feel like an itch he’d like to scratch.

But that’d ruin everything, especially Dean’s plan to sell the inn for as much as humanly possible and then get the hell outta dodge.

“I appreciate that, but I have to give you something…” Castiel waves Dean off and he realizes arguing would be useless. “Thanks.”

Castiel nods before taking time to study Dean until it almost feels awkward. Dean is typically the one doing the studying, and he feels naked under this man’s gaze. They remain in a silence delicately balanced between comfortable and awkward until Castiel speaks again, “Well, best I get back to my place. I will see you tomorrow morning, Dean.”

As Castiel stands, he adjusts the toolbelt around his waist and Dean forces himself to look away, not willing to tempt himself with the flash of skin exposed during the adjustment. The contractor must notice because he smirks slightly before nodding his head in goodbye. If he didn’t know better, Dean would swear Castiel walks a bit closer to him than is necessary. He shakes it off before heading to the bathroom to shower off the grime of the day before checking in with Sam, Jess, and the kids.

. . .

They work surprisingly well together.

His new partner is a quiet but sturdy presence throughout the day– rarely chatting about more than the weather or whatever task needs to be done– but on occasion Dean will learn a bit more about him. He’s started to compile a list of Cas’s likes and dislikes– for example, Cas likes that Dean gave him a nickname.

“Hey, Cas, can you hand me the socket wrench?” "Cas?” “Uh, yeah, short for Castiel. You got too many syllables, man.”

Cas nodded and moved on with the task, but Dean can’t help but notice the small smirk everytime he has to call Cas by name. Cas also smiles whenever a screw goes in without a fight and when the first raindrop of an impending storm hits his forehead.

Dean likes it when Cas smiles. (Apparently Dean’s compiled a list for that, too.)

He’s tried to largely ignore the growing attraction for the man he’s working with for more than eight hours a day, but it gets more difficult with each glance to make sure the other is still in one piece and every accidental touch of hands when they pass off a tool.

At least Dean tells himself it’s accidental.

He hadn’t gotten enough out of Cas to even know if he “plays for that team,” as Sam likes to say. Dean is almost positive John wouldn’t have encouraged the two work together if Cas is gay, but there are moments that give him more hope that he deserves.

“Dean!” Cas’s steady voice startles him from the monotony of painting kitchen cabinets and his overflowing thoughts.

He puts down the paintbrush and walks over to the fireplace where Cas is supposed to be sanding down the mantle, “Yeah, Cas, what is it?” There’s that smile– sometimes Dean wonders if he uses his nickname for Cas just to get a glimpse of it.

“I’m hungry and I’m out of sand paper.” Cas looks up from the stool he’s been sitting on for hours with a hint of puppy dog eyes. Dean isn’t exactly paying Cas so he could definitely come and go as he pleases, but they tend to stick to a similar schedule everyday. Checking his watch, Dean sees it is lunchtime and agrees to head into town for a sandwich.

“I should probably get cleaned up a bit…” Cas trails off as he surveys his dusty jeans and sweat drenched t-shirt. Without trying to, Dean gets lost in the unfairly attractive mess of it all for a moment too long. He looks up to speak again and Cas is smirking almost knowingly.

Shit.

“Yeah, sure. You can use the shower here if you want but no promise there’s any hot water.” Dean scratches behind his ear nervously. This wasn’t any sort of purposeful invitation, but he can’t help but feel a wad of want fall into his stomach. Cas simply nods his thanks before heading into the main floor bathroom with a change of clothes he brought “just in case”. Dean laughed when Cas told him that he’s always that prepared and cited the fact that Cas only lives thirty steps away from the inn. He simply shrugged and said “You never know” and that was the end of that. Dean supposes Cas was right and the change of clothes had come in handy.

Though, not exactly how Dean thought they would.

As he hears the shower turn on, Dean goes back to painting kitchen cabinets in hopes of distracting himself from the very attractive, very naked man that is showering in the next room. It works for a while but eventually the knowledge feels stifling and Dean decides to clean up quickly and wait for Cas on the porch.

“What’re you waiting out here for?” Cas walks outside, resting his arm on the doorframe to only accentuate his bicep muscles. Dean knows if he looks at what is probably disheveled and wet hair from the shower it’ll take every piece of willpower he has not to jump the guy right then and there.

“Let’s go.” He leads Cas to his car without looking in his direction or answering his question. As Dean walks around the back of the impala he sees Cas smirk again.

Bastard.

They take the short drive into town before stopping at the hardware store. Dean needs to pick up some new screws so he can finish the cabinets and Cas needs some more sand paper so they decide to split up and grab what they need. Cas cuts right, beelining for the aisle like he lives here– now that Dean thinks about it, Cas probably does come here a lot– and Dean wanders to the left looking for the screw aisle.

He ends up finding them along with a confused pre-teen boy comparing screw sizes to an outlet cover. Dean laughs to himself before offering his help, “Anything I can help with?”

The boy turns to Dean, startled at first, but then relaxing when he doesn’t sense any immediate threat, “Yeah, that’d be great. My mom sent me in here twenty minutes ago, but I don’t know anything about this stuff.”

Dean laughs, “Well, your Dad should’ve taught you screw shopping at the very least.”

“How could he do that when he doesn’t know I exist?” The kid says it so matter of factly, Dean isn’t even sure he heard him correctly. He scans him for signs of distress, but whatever therapy he’s getting must’ve worked because the kid goes back to comparing screws without missing a beat.

“Fair enough. Here, you’ll want these ones,” Dean grabs a four pack of the screws the kid is looking for and hands it to him. “Then you’ll have extras in case you need to replace another one.”

“Awesome, thanks! My names–”

“Ben? What’s taking you–” Dean winces, he’d know that voice anywhere and the fact she paused means… “Dean?! What are you doing talking to… what’s going on here?”

“Mom!”

“Lisa…”

Ben (apparently) and Dean speak at the same time, both turning towards the woman Dean hasn’t thought about in years. They were something– more than something– for about a year, but John’s pressure pushed Dean out of town and Lisa refused to leave Lawrence... so now they're here, awkwardly looking at each other in a hardware store.

“Lisa, look, I can explain–”

“Dean, I found the sandpaper and I also grabbed some extra paint for that wall in the living–” Dean’s cut off as Cas rounds the corner looking down at the sandpaper packaging and clearly missing all the fun in aisle nine, “Oh. Hi!”

Then Cas waves , an adorable wave that if Dean wasn’t so goddamn turned around probably would’ve sent him spiraling. Dean facepalms to hide his smile and proceeds to rub his calloused hands through his hair trying to decide what to say next. But Ben must be oblivious to the absolute shit storm happening a foot above his current height because he chooses this moment to chime in, “I was confused about which screws to get and Dean offered to help, Mom. That’s all. And look,” Ben holds up the package Dean handed him what feels like an eternity ago, “Got ‘em!”

That kid just saved Dean’s ass.

Lisa still looks a little stunned to see Dean– his return had seemingly not reached the far ends of the town gossip chain quite yet– but then she glances back towards Cas… and then back to Dean.

He’s about to correct her when she surprises him with a hug.

They didn’t exactly end on bad terms, but he probably could’ve been nicer when he told her he was leaving.

Hence why the hug catches him off guard, as does what she quietly whispers in his ear, “I’m glad you found someone that makes you smile like that again.”

Dean can't even formulate a correction before Lisa’s telling Ben to thank Dean for his help and the pair is heading down the other end of the aisle. He turns towards Cas who is staring intensely at a speck on the floor by his feet, but seems to be smiling all the same.

Maybe Dean isn’t wrong about him.

They check out and head back to the Impala in silence. It isn’t until they get home after swinging through the drive thru that Dean even realizes he forgot to grab the screws.

#Destiel #destiel ff #dean winchester #castiel #deancas #castiel owns my soul #where the fuck did destiel come from?#capthamm #please be kind I've only watched halfway through season 7

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callboxkat · 4 years

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Second Chances part 8: The Visit (1 of 2)

Author’s note: Very excited to finally bring you guys this next installment of Second Chances! The second half should be out in a few days. Until then, enjoy this one :)

Summary: Between some difficulty getting along with his coworkers and his quickly approaching visit with his parents, Roman has a lot on his mind. He can only hope that things will turn out well.

Warnings (for part 1) : fear of being rejected, food mention, arguing, panic attack

Word count: 6134

Second Chances Masterpost!

Writing Masterpost!

...

Roman received his first paycheck on the Friday of his first week at the Sanders Café. He didn’t have an account set up yet for it to be directly deposited into—he and Logan were planning to take care of that over the weekend—so this first one was a literal paper check.

Roman was very excited, practically jogging back to the house. When he arrived, he immediately tried to give the check to Patton, in return for letting him stay at the house.

Patton turned him down, cheerfully saying that Roman didn’t owe them anything, and he wasn’t going to take his money. Roman probably should have expected that. He knew that Patton had benefited a lot from the kindness of strangers in his past—of course someone like him would try to pay that forward.

So, when Logan got home, Roman went to him instead and tried again to hand over his check, figuring that Logan was more likely to agree to the exchange. However, Logan just shook his head and pushed it back to him. “That’s yours, Roman. Maybe you can contribute something with future checks, but you should build up some savings for yourself, first.”

Roman had tried to insist, but Logan wasn’t budging, so he’d finally given up. He did have one more idea.

Maybe Patton and Logan had flatly turned him down, but surely there was one person who wouldn’t refuse some compensation for him being there. She hadn’t wanted him there to begin with, after all, and even though she had accepted him now, he still felt that she was the most likely to accept his offering.

This was how he found himself outside Val’s bedroom that evening, his paycheck clutched in one hand. He knocked with the other.

“It’s open,” she called.

Roman opened the door, staying in the hall. Val was sitting at her desk, painting her nails.

“Oh, hey, Roman,” she said, putting the brush back in the bottle and inspecting her handiwork. “What’s up?”

“Hey, Val,” he responded. He looked down at the check in his hand. “I wanted to ask… Pat and Logan wouldn’t take it, but….” He held out the check. “For uh, rent, I guess.”

“Is that your first paycheck?”

Roman nodded.

Val shook her head. “No, I’m not taking your money. Even if I wanted to, Patton would kill me. Or make my brother kill me.”

Roman sighed. He’d gotten this job in the first place so that he could help out and stop being a freeloader, and now not one of them was letting him do that!

“You know what you should spend some of that on?”

Roman looked up. “What?”

“You’re going to see your parents, right? You should use that for your ticket.”

“Mamá already paid for it,” Roman said. “She won’t let me pay her back, either.” She’d probably throw a fit if he tried.

“Okay, Plan B.” Val got up, stepped out into the hall, and closed the door behind her. “Let’s go get your parents a present. What do they like?”

“Weren’t you painting your nails?”

“Just finished. They’ll dry on the way. Now what do your parents like?”

Roman hesitated. “My mamá likes to garden.”

“Okay. Let’s go get her a plant. I bet she’d love something with flowers. What about your dad?”

“He… I don’t know. He’s really into birdwatching, I guess? But I don’t know what you’d get someone for that.”

“What else does he like?”

Roman dithered uncertainly. “Well, he used to collect a bunch of really old coins… but I don’t know where we’d find something like that.”

Val looked thoughtful. “I came across a site a while back where you can buy old Roman coins for like ten bucks each. Does that sound like something he’d like? If we ordered it today I’m sure it’d be here by the time you leave next week.”

“I—yeah, I think so,” Roman said, having the sudden urge to hug Val. “Thank you.”

She smiled. “No problem. Let’s go downstairs; we can pick one out, and you’ll pay me back once you deposit that check of yours.”

…

They ended up choosing a coin that was about $15, with positive reviews, guaranteed to arrive well before he left. Val placed the order, and then she took Roman to a garden store.

“Sure, you could wait and go with Patton and my brother, but my brother has no taste in plants, and Patton’ll probably buy whatever plant looks the saddest because he feels bad for it. Or end up accidentally getting a plastic one. You think I’m joking, but he literally did that once.”

So, Val and Roman went to the garden store alone. They picked out a little plant with small blue flowers, in a cute ceramic pot that had been glazed a darker blue.

Patton and Logan were sitting at the kitchen table when they walked in.

“What’s that?” Patton asked when he saw the plant in Roman’s arms.

“Present for my mamá,” Roman explained. “Val took me to get it.”

“Oh, she’s going to love that, kiddo!”

Roman smiled. “You think so?”

“Of course! It’s so pretty. What kind is it?”

“It’s…” Roman checked the label. “It’s a… myositis. Forget-me-nots.”

“Oh, cool!” Patton said.

“That can’t be right,” Logan said, frowning. “Myositis is a term for muscle inflammation.”

Roman blinked, then checked the tag again. “Sorry, it’s myosotis.”

“That does make more sense,” Logan said. “Interesting. Were you aware that that name translates to “mouse’s ear” in Ancient Greek?”

“Why do you know that?” Roman asked, staring at him. “Who just knows things like that off the top of their head?”

Val started snickering. Logan shrugged, looking embarrassed.

…

Roman was starting to think that being homeless and unemployed hadn’t been so bad. At least then he hadn’t had to deal with this hell spawn.

“I can’t do it!” Roman wailed as he flung open the door (while still making sure it didn’t smack the wall). “I can’t do it! He is the worst!”

Patton, who had been standing at the kitchen counter, cutting up vegetables, set down his knife, looking concerned.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Roman sighed, walking over to him. He put his elbows on the counter and hid his face in his hands. “It’s this guy I work with.”

“Your manager? Thomas?” Patton guessed.

“No, not him—he’s great. The other one.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“He hates me, and I don’t know why!”

“Come on, kiddo, I’m sure that’s not true.” Patton picked up the knife and started slicing carrots again, still watching him between cuts to show he was paying attention.

“It is! He acts like every time I mess up, I’m doing it just to spite him, and then he gets on my back about it, which only makes me mess up more, and then he gets even more annoyed at me….”

“Could it just be growing pains? It’s only your second week. Maybe he just needs some time to get used to you.”

“I thought so too, but…” Roman sighed heavily. “It is not working.”

Patton paused. “If it’s really so bad, maybe you could look into possibly working somewhere else? Tons of places would be lucky to have you.”

Roman looked up sharply. “No… no, I’m not doing that.” He shook his head. “I do that, he wins.”

Patton bit his lip uncertainly.

“At least tomorrow is his day off,” Roman sighed. “So I get a break.”

“Well, that’s good,” Patton said. He pushed the carrots into a bowl with the potatoes he’d already cubed, and he picked up an onion. As he started to peel the skin off of that, he said, “Maybe it’ll be nice for both of you to get a break from each other. It could be you’ve just spent too much time together lately.”

“Yeah. Could be. I just don’t know what his problem is.”

Patton glanced up, humming thoughtfully. “Do you think any of this has anything to do with your visit coming up?”

Roman hesitated. “Maybe,” he admitted.

A major source of stress for him at the moment—maybe the main source of stress—was the fact that he was set to visit his parents at the end of the week, for the first time in a long time. If you considered five years to be a long time.

It certainly didn’t help that at the start of those five years, Roman had lied to them about heading to college and basically vanished off the face of the earth, leaving them with no idea where he had gone or if he was even still alive. That is, until Patton and Logan had convinced him to call his mamá the week before.

Ever since then, he had been calling her every evening before dinner, to talk. Mostly, they talked about unimportant things. How their days had been (Roman always sugar-coated things if they hadn’t gone well), what they were up to (you know, besides the homelessness), and how much they were looking forward to seeing each other when Roman was able to get enough time off for a visit.

Getting the time off he needed had turned out to be easier than expected. Roman’s schedule already gave him weekends free, so he had only requested one additional day—a Monday.

He hadn’t been sure whether to be relieved or sad that he had had to wait an additional week to go, since they’d been understandably reluctant to give him a day off in his second week on the job.

Of course, both Thomas and V, all that Roman knew his other coworker by, knew that Roman was taking the day off. Thomas hadn’t seemed to mind coming in on that Monday—since he usually took that day off—but V hadn’t seemed all that enthused. The fact that Roman was taking a long weekend after only working at the Sanders Café for two weeks hadn’t helped the barista’s opinion of him.

As one might imagine, Roman’s stress about the upcoming visit did not go well with the attitude V took with him, and it had already lead to several clashes.

As exemplified by today.

“Want to help me cut up some veggies?” Patton asked. “We’re going to roast them for dinner later tonight. Maybe it’ll help to take out some of that stress on an onion.” He picked up the newly peeled onion and offered it to Roman.

Roman sighed. “Sure.” He went to the sink, washed his hands, and took the onion and knife from Patton. “How do you want this cut?”

“However you like, within reason!” Patton said. “How about I heat up some leftovers for you, for lunch, while you do that? We’ve still got some spaghetti.”

“Sounds good. Thank you, Patton.”

…

Patton sat curled up on the sofa with Logan, only half-watching the news that his boyfriend had put on. After a while, he stretched and sat up.

“I’m going to go check on Roman. He seemed pretty upset when he came home from work today.”

Logan frowned, turning to look at him. “Did he say what was going on?”

“Some kind of disagreement with someone he works with. But I think he’s really just stressed about this weekend.”

Logan nodded. “That seems reasonable.”

“Anyway, I’ll be right back.”

“Okay.” Logan reached out, held his hand for a fraction of a second, and then let Patton go. Patton got up, walked past Val, who was reading, and went upstairs.

He stopped outside Roman’s room, whose door was slightly ajar, and knocked softly. “Roman?” he asked.

He waited, but he didn’t get an answer, so he tried again. When that still went without a reply, Patton gently pushed open the door, wondering if maybe Roman had fallen asleep.

The room was empty.

“Hm.” Patton leaned forwards to look around inside the room, but unsurprisingly, Roman wasn’t hiding in any corners.

He backed up, returned the door to how it had been before, and looked around.

Finally, he realized that he could hear something, faint, but not so faint that he thought it was coming from downstairs. Patton followed the sound.

Was that singing?

He stopped outside the bathroom, which was dark other than the light let in through the tiny, curtained window, but whose door wasn’t quite closed.

Roman stood in front of the sink, singing a song that Patton didn’t recognize. He was singing very quietly, but it was like he was serenading himself, complete with acting.

He also looked like he’d been crying.

Patton, who had been about to knock before he caught a glimpse of Roman in the mirror, stepped back before Roman could spot him. He did want to stay and try to help, but he really felt like he was intruding. Whatever Roman was doing, it seemed to be some kind of self-soothing method. Maybe it was a little unusual to serenade oneself in the mirror, but if it helped cheer Roman up, then Patton wasn’t going to judge him.

Patton quietly padded back down the hall and went back downstairs.

He settled himself back against Logan, who took his hand again. Patton read a headline on the TV screen about that week’s tragedy and sighed, turning his head so his face was against Logan.

“How’s Roman?” Logan asked, subtly changing the channel to one showing reruns of an old sitcom. “Did you talk to him?”

“He didn’t seem like he wanted to be bothered,” Patton replied, looking up again.

Logan nodded in understanding, although he was frowning.

“Is he okay?” Val asked as she turned a page in her book.

“I’m not sure,” he admitted. “He’s really nervous about this weekend.”

Logan fiddled with the remote without actually changing any settings. “I’d assume he’s afraid that his parents will reject him,” he said.

Val gave him a look. “Please don’t say that when he’s down here.”

“I don’t think it’s likely,” Logan quickly clarified. “They’ve seemed eager to talk to him thus far.”

“They’d better not turn him away,” Patton said. “I’ll fight them.”

“I thought we agreed you wouldn’t be fighting anyone. Besides, if they were going to turn him away, I’m sure it would have happened by now.”

Val closed her book, resting her head on one hand. “Whether it’s realistic or not, he’s obviously upset. And it’s probably not helping him, locking himself away upstairs with his thoughts. We should ask him to come downstairs in a few minutes. He likes to help with dinner, right?”

Patton glanced at the time. “That’s true. We should probably start cooking soon.”

“You cut up the vegetables like I asked?” Logan checked.

“Yep! Roman and I did.”

“Thanks. It shouldn’t take too long, then.”

Val set her book to the side. “Should I go grab him then, or…?”

“I’ll give him a few more minutes and then I’ll do it,” Patton said.

“Okay.”

A few minutes later, Patton walked back up the stairs. He was relieved to see that the light was on in Roman’s room now.

He knocked on the door, and waited for an answer.

A moment later, the door opened, to reveal Roman. He smiled, and if Patton hadn’t seen him before, he might not have known Roman had been so upset. “Hey, Patton. What’s going on?”

Patton smiled back, deciding not to bring it up. “We were planning to start dinner soon. Want to help?”

…

Roman had been making a point of getting to work early ever since his mistake the week before. So, it was no surprise that he was the first employee to arrive at the café that morning. It was a surprise, though, when neither V nor Thomas showed up. Instead, two younger employees, probably 18 years old or so, took their places: Talyn and Joan. Roman had worked with each of them before when they occasionally joined his shift, but never at the same time.

“Is Thomas not coming?” Roman asked, watching as the pair approached. He’d known it was V’s day off, and that Thomas didn’t come in every day, but usually their manager worked whenever V didn’t.

“He’s sick,” Talyn said, pulling on their apron. Joan went into the back to put their things away.

“Oh. Is he okay?”

Talyn shrugged. “He calls in sometimes. He asked me to take his place today.”

“Okay.”

“Joan and I can finish getting everything set up back here. Want to take the chairs down?”

“Sure.” Roman walked out from behind the counter to do just that.

“So how are you liking this place so far?” they asked as Joan returned from the back.

“It’s alright,” Roman shrugged. When V wasn’t getting on his last nerve, at least.

“Just alright?” Joan asked.

Roman flushed slightly. He didn’t want to complain about his job, not at his job, to his coworkers. That didn’t seem like a good plan at all.

Joan laughed. “Relax, I’m just teasing. It can be tough, at the start. Customers are something else. Plus I know Virgil can be prickly.”

Roman blinked. “What?”

“Virgil?” Joan looked confused. “The barista you work with?”

“Oh, right, sorry. I didn’t quite hear you,” Roman lied. He had a feeling he’d get teased if he admitted he’d gone nearly two weeks only knowing Virgil as V, or as the numerous aliases of the other worker’s name tag collection. “Glad to hear it’s not just me.”

“Has Virgil been treating you okay?” Talyn asked.

“Yeah. He can be kinda pushy, but he’s okay… most of the time. I do like his name tag collection.” Roman had tried to compliment Virgil on one of the name tags, pointing out that it was funny that the barista chose to wear one that said “Mary Lee”, and had only gotten even more hostility in response. Maybe Virgil didn’t want Roman to acknowledge that the name tags didn’t have the barista’s actual name on them? Maybe Virgil misunderstood, and thought Roman was making fun of whoever the actual Mary Lee was?

Whatever the case, trying to be that creepy cookie’s friend was proving rather difficult. Thomas’s “Storm Cloud” nickname made a lot of sense.

Talyn bit their lip, glancing at Joan, then looked back at Roman. Roman blinked, unsure what that was about. “Virgil can take a while to warm up to people, sometimes,” they said. “It’s probably nothing to worry about.”

Not long after, it was time to open up the café, and the attention of the three baristas was diverted to the grumpy swarm of early morning coffee-seekers.

It was a busy morning, with a lot of disgruntled people who thought they were entitled to their caffeine before anyone else and didn’t even tip well (if at all), but at least Talyn and Joan didn’t get mad at Roman for spilling a few coffee grounds, or for nearly forgetting the whipped cream on one of the orders. That was a welcome change.

Still, that afternoon, Roman spent most of his time holed up in the former guest room, trying not to stress too much about the next day, which was, of course, his last day of work before he got to go see his parents for the first time in years and hope they wouldn’t turn him away.

…

The following day, Virgil was back at work. And as tired of Roman was of his coworker hounding him like every little mistake he made would bring on the apocalypse, he did have some new information at his disposal, and he was going to take advantage of it.

Roman looked up as the barista came in, reluctantly lowering the headphones that had doubtlessly been blasting some sort of emo music moments before.

“Hey, Virgil,” he said pointedly, grinning.

Virgil hardly bothered to glance up, grabbing one of the aprons that still hung on the wall. “Hey, Princey.”

Roman was almost offended by that lackluster response. “How’s it going, Virgil?” he tried again, louder and with more emphasis.

“Fine?” Virgil said, giving him a strange look. “How’s it going, Roman?”

Roman sighed. “Disappointing.”

“What?”

Whoops. Virgil wasn’t supposed to actually hear that. He scrambled for an excuse. “…I said disappearing. The sun is gonna be disappearing sooner. The days are getting shorter again. You know.”

Virgil glanced outside, at where the sun was just beginning to rise, bemused. “I guess?”

“Aaaanyway. How was your day off?” Roman asked, tying his own apron in place.

“It was great. I actually got to miss the sunrise, for once.” Virgil started taking down chairs from the tables, putting them in place on the floor. “It was over pretty fast, though. Sure would be nice to take three days off in a row.”

Roman frowned.

“What are you doing this weekend, anyway? Video games? Binging Lord of the Rings or something?”

Roman let out a long sigh. “I’m visiting my parents,” he reluctantly admitted. “I haven’t seen them in a while.” Ever since Virgil had found out about Roman’s days off so soon after starting the job, Roman had skirted around answering the question of why he was taking that break. And while it still wasn’t really any of Virgil’s business, Roman was getting tired of this, and really didn’t want to deal with passive aggression when he was already worried enough. Today was Friday, and Roman was getting on the bus to go see his family that very afternoon.

Virgil’s mouth thinned. “Oh.”

The other barista turned away without another word, and didn’t bring up Roman’s days off again that shift. Roman felt that this was worth the admission. It would have probably been nearly unbearable otherwise, since Thomas was apparently still not feeling well, so it was just the two of them for the entire shift. As it was, other than Thomas being gone, Roman might have said that things were going… at least sort of well. Virgil wasn’t getting on his back too much, he wasn’t messing up as much as he’d expected, given how much he was thinking about that weekend (although he still messed up quite a bit more than usual). But of course, his luck couldn’t last.

He took a break during a lull in customers, and he came back, opening his mouth to tell Virgil to go ahead and take a break in the back, now.

But no words came out of his mouth. Instead, he froze.

Standing in the middle of the café, reading the menu, was a familiar figure. His dark hair was swept to partially cover his face, and he wore a black faux leather jacket over a band t-shirt.

Jay.

Roman felt dizzy.

“Roman?”

Roman shook his head, took a step back, and then sat down hard on the tile floor.

“Roman! F*ck, okay, hold on—Sorry, sir, get out, please! The store’s closed! Bye!”

“What the hell are you talking ab—”

“Store’s closed!”

Virgil herded the guy out, and as he disappeared out the door, Roman got a better look at his face. It wasn’t Jay at all. Just some guy who looked ridiculously like Jay.

“Dammit,” he whispered, wishing this realization would stop his heart from pounding, would erase the way he’d just embarrassed himself, was continuing to embarrass himself.

Virgil knelt down in front of him, hovering uncertainly. “Hey. Hey, Princey, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

Roman shook his head, his attempts to breathe only strangled gasps. It was all just too much. The stress of this new job, and the visit this weekend, and thinking he’d seen Jay, who’d been a catalyst in all of this— It was too much.

“I think you might be having a panic attack.” Virgil shifted uncertainly, hovering around him. “Does that sound right?”

Roman shakily nodded.

“Okay. Okay, good. No ambulance, then. That’s great. I mean, not great that you’re panicking, that—never mind. Can I help?”

“Yeah,” he gasped. Please make this stop.

“Cool. Cool, cool. Try breathing with me. It’s an exercise I use when I get anxiety attacks.” Virgil started with a long inhale, counting off a pattern.

“In, 2, 3, 4… hold, 2 3, 4, 5, 6, 7… out, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.”

Roman did his best to follow the pattern, with difficulty at first; but soon enough, rather than freaking out, he was a more reasonable amount of mortified, and this time more about the fact that he’d freaked out in the middle of the café, in front of Virgil, than about anything else.

Virgil seemed relieved when it was clear that Roman was no longer panicking. The barista looked him over for a moment, then offered him a hand up.

“I think maybe you should go in the back for a little longer,” Virgil suggested as Roman was pulled to his feet. “I can take my break later.”

“…Yeah, maybe,” Roman admitted, not meeting Virgil’s eyes. “Might be a good idea.”

Virgil led him to the back room, shoved a plastic cup of tea in his hands, and promised to return in a bit.

Roman sat there, sipping his tea, wishing he could sink into the floor.

Several minutes later, Virgil returned.

“Sorry,” Roman said as soon as he saw that distinctive purple hair, gripping his cooling cup of tea tightly. “I didn’t….”

Virgil sat down on the arm of the sofa. “What was that about?”

Roman shook his head.

Virgil sighed, glancing back towards the main area of the store. “Fine, don’t tell me. But are you, like… good? You’re not going to freak out on me again?”

“No, I’m… I’m fine.”

Virgil looked at him doubtfully. Roman set his jaw, and then Virgil nodded. “Alright. Maybe clean yourself up a bit, though.”

Roman felt his cheeks burn. He nodded.

As Virgil turned to leave, Roman cleared his throat.

“…Thanks, Virgo.”

Virgil paused, turned, and said, “I’m a Sagittarius,” before leaving the room.

Under different circumstances, Roman might have laughed. As it was, he simply took a deep breath, set the remains of his tea to the side, got to his feet, and went to the employee bathroom. Looking in the mirror, he had to admit he looked rather… disheveled. He’d definitely seen worse days, that was for sure; but his hair was a mess, and his eyes were red and watery like he’d been crying.

(Had he been crying? He suddenly wasn’t sure.)

Roman reached over for a paper towel, folded it over, and ran the water over it for a second. He stood there at the sink for a while, the cool, damp paper towel held against his eyes. Once the redness had died down, he combed his hair with his fingers until it was back to its normal groomed appearance. Finally, he took a deep, steadying breath, washed his hands, and returned to the front of the store. Virgil looked up when he appeared, in the middle of making a cappuccino, and nodded.

Roman resumed his post without a word, and they both pretended like nothing had happened.

When Roman went back to the house that afternoon, he didn’t complain about Virgil, for once. Of course, he did have other things to think about. Like the little detail that he was leaving in only a couple of hours.

…

“Are you sure you have everything?” Logan asked as the trio walked to the bus station. They’d parked a couple of blocks away, since the parking spots at the station itself were metered, and rather expensive. Logan had offered to park there anyway, but Roman had insisted that he was fine with parking farther away. It was a nice day, anyhow; and he would be spending quite a while on a bus. “There’s still a little time, if we have to stop somewhere.”

“I think so,” Roman said, adjusting his grip on the handle of the small, baby blue suitcase Patton had lent him. It rolled behind them, occasionally bumping over an uneven patch of sidewalk. “I don’t have a lot of stuff.”

“And you’re sure you’ll be okay by yourself?” Patton checked. He held the small potted plant that Roman and Val had picked up as a present for Roman’s mamá. He almost seemed more nervous than Roman. Almost.

Roman swallowed, then nodded. “Yeah. I’m sure. It’s just a bus ride. My parents are going to pick me up at the station.”

Patton reached over to squeeze his hand. “They know what time you’re getting in?”

Roman nodded. “And I can always call, if I need to…. Thanks again for the phone, by the way.” They’d picked him up a cheap, prepaid one for emergencies, since Roman hadn’t had a phone of his own in a very long time.

“It’s no problem,” Patton said. “Just be safe, okay?”

Roman gave him a shaky smile.

“There’s the station,” Logan said, gesturing across the street. “Which bus are we looking for?”

“17,” Roman provided. He didn’t even need to check his ticket. He’d spent long enough staring at it the night before.

Logan glanced to make sure no cars were coming, then started across the street. He and Patton were already scanning the busses collected at the station, looking for the correct one.

“I don’t think it’s here yet,” Logan said. “That’s not surprising. We are early, after all.”

“Let’s find a bench to sit on,” Patton suggested.

Logan didn’t exactly look enthused, but he went along with Patton’s suggestion. They found an empty bench, and Roman and Patton sat down. There was still room on the bench, but Logan stayed standing.

“Perhaps I could pick us up some coffee from inside,” he suggested.

Patton giggled. “Only if Roman’s not sick of coffee yet.”

Roman cracked a smile. “Maybe just water for me. Lemonade if they have it. But water’s okay.”

Patton requested whatever coffee drink was the sweetest, iced.

Logan nodded and walked off towards the station’s building.

“He just doesn’t want to sit down,” Patton said, leaning over conspiratorially. “Logan hates public benches.”

“Logan hates public everything.”

“You’re not wrong!” he laughed. He set the plant at his side. “So, do you and your parents know what you’re going to do this weekend?”

Roman thought for a moment, then shrugged. “I hadn’t really thought about it.” He’d been too busy worrying.

“You don’t always need a plan. Maybe it’ll be nice to just get to hang out with them, catch up.”

“Or awkward as hell.”

“Ehh.” Patton shrugged. “Maybe at first, I won’t lie to you.”

“Yeah.”

“But they’re going to be really happy to see you. I’m sure they’ve missed you a lot.”

“…Yeah.” Roman knew they had. But he couldn’t help the terror bubbling up inside him, just under the surface, at what they would think when they saw him. At how angry they would be.

Apparently Roman’s silent dread had not been as hidden as he’d hoped.

“Don’t make me hug you,” Patton threatened, pointing at him.

Roman let out a startled laugh.

“I’ll do it! You know I will!”

“I do,” Roman agreed. He watched as another bus pulled up. Number 33. Still not his.

“They did have lemonade,” a voice said. Roman glanced up to see Logan, holding out a bottled lemonade. He took it. It was cool and already slightly damp with condensation.

“Thanks.”

Logan offered Patton another drink from the carrier in his arms. His was a very pale brown, mixed with ice and with whipped cream and drizzles of caramel and chocolate on top.

“Ooh, thank you!” Patton said. He hopped up, kissed Logan on the cheek, and then sat down, sipping loudly from his straw.

Logan coughed, his face slightly red. “You’re welcome. Has his bus arrived?”

“Not ye—oh! There it is!” Patton pointed. A new bus had just pulled in, the number 17 in its window.

“Excellent.”

Roman leaned over to look at a clock on the station wall. He still had ten minutes before he had to be on the bus. Reassured, he sat back and opened his lemonade, taking a sip. Then he recapped it and put the lemonade in his lap, tapping on its sides with his fingers. “You guys don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I’ll be fine.”

“No, no,” Patton insisted. “We’re going to make sure you get on your bus alright.”

“It would be rather unfortunate if we left early, and something happened,” Logan agreed.

Roman exhaled through his nose. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

“Yep! Besides, I can’t finish this in the car.” Patton took another loud sip of his drink. “So we’ve gotta stay!”

“True.” Logan was generally pretty insistent about there being no open drinks in his car. Or at least, that was the idea Roman had gotten so far.

Logan took a drink of his own iced black coffee and shrugged. “Coffee would be difficult to get out of the upholstery,” he justified. “Like any darkly colored beverage. One time, one of Val’s friends spilled fruit punch in her car. It was a figurative nightmare to get that out. I refuse to go through that again with my own vehicle.”

Roman glanced at Patton, who looked amused. “That’s fair.”

A few more minutes passed, with the three of the just enjoying their drinks, before Patton glanced at the time on his phone. “We should probably get you on that bus, don’t you think, Ro? You don’t want to get a bad seat.”

Roman shifted. “…I guess.”

Patton looked at him sympathetically. “Don’t worry. You’ll be okay.” He stood up, grabbing the plant; and Roman reluctantly followed, pulling the suitcase along behind himself.

In no time at all, they stood in front of the bus door, and Patton was handing the plant off to Logan and pulling Roman into a tight hug.

“Don’t be afraid to call us if you need anything at all, okay? I’m serious.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Now go see your parents.”

“Have a pleasant trip,” Logan said as Patton released him. He offered a hand, and Roman accepted. Logan shook it.

“Thanks. I’ll… see you guys.”

“Good luck.”

Roman took a deep breath, picked up the suitcase and took the plant back from Logan, and stepped up onto the bus before he could change his mind.

“Hello, sweetheart,” the driver said, smiling kindly at him. She was probably in her fifties, and had clearly noticed how apprehensive he was. She held out a hand. “Have you got your ticket?”

“Yeah—um,” Roman pulled it out of his pocket, quickly did his best to smooth it out, and handed it over. “Here.”

The woman looked at it for a second, smiled, and handed it back. “Welcome aboard. Usually, we have everyone put their luggage in the storage area under the bus, but I think yours is small enough that you can keep it up here, if you’d like. We don’t have a full bus today. Do you have a preference?”

“Could I keep it?” Roman asked. It was Patton’s suitcase, and he was afraid that it might get damaged—or worse, disappear—if he let it out of his sight.

“Of course. You can go ahead and pick whatever seat you’d like.”

“Thank you,” Roman said. He turned to the rest of the bus, which was about a quarter of the way full with other passengers. He picked a seat about a third of the way from the front, beside the window, and put Patton’s suitcase and his mamá’s gift at his side.

He looked out the window, and saw Patton and Logan there, on the sidewalk. Patton noticed him and perked up, waving and batting at his boyfriend to get his attention. Logan waved as well, with significantly less energy, looking amused.

Roman hesitantly waved back.

He spent the remaining time until the bus departed just trying to keep calm, reminding himself that he did in fact want to do this, that it was a little late to back out even if he wanted to, and that even if his visit went about as horribly as it could go, Logan and Patton had promised that they wanted him to come back.

Finally, the bus driver stood up. She reminded everyone of which bus this was and the route they were taking, just in case someone was on the wrong bus, and how long the trip would take. Then, she sat back down, and they left the station.

Patton and Logan waved until they turned a corner, and then Roman was alone.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then turned to the suitcase. He unzipped it and pulled out a book, which Logan had lent him for the trip. He settled in, doing his best to focus on the story rather than on his fear over what was to come.

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hellzyeahwebwielingessays · 4 years

Text

The Problem with Spidey as ‘Iron Man Junior’

Proponents of the MCU version of Peter Parker have often defended his characterization as logical and necessary in context. But is this really the case?

Tl:dr version: No it is not.

Forgive some laziness on my part because I’m going to be presuming everyone’s familiarity with the comic book iteration of Spider-Man and his MCU adaptation for the most part. To say there is a divide between many fans of former vs. the latter would be an understatement.

Detractors (which I count myself among) typically sum this up as the character being reduced to ‘Iron Man Junior’. In general this refers to MCU Peter Parker’s hero-worshipping of Tony Stark/Iron Man, their father/son relationship and the similar emphasis upon high technology in their hero identities. A connected point of contention is Peter’s aspiration to become an Avenger.

This was outright confirmed by Tom Holland himself in an interview for the then upcoming ‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’.

"I think the difference now is that Peter Parker finally has an all-time goal, and his goal is to become an Avenger…Everything he does, even though he's doing it for the right reasons, is done so that one day he can become an Avenger and prove himself to Tony Stark. And I think we've never really seen Spider-Man with that kind of motivation before."

Defenders of this take upon Spidey have argued that this portrayal makes sense in context.

After all, Peter Parker is a teenager who’s grown up in a world where the Avengers are beloved, especially Iron Man. Plus in the comics (under J. Michael Straczynski’s pen) there was a time when Peter and Tony shared a father/son relationship. Tony even equipped Peter with a high tech costume as he did in the MCU. Spider-Man early in his career attempted to join the Fantastic Four in ASM #1 and later the Avengers in ASM Annual #3.

The problem is these defences just don’t hold up to scrutiny.

Let me first be upfront about my philosophy towards adaptations.

I in no way shape or form demand nor expect adaptations to be 1:1 panel to screen translations of the source material. I fully respect that changes are a necessity.

One of many 22-page comic book stories put out every month in the 1960s inevitably needs to be altered when jumping to a 90+ minute live action film in the 2010s.

Even the characterizations need to be altered where necessary if the source material is found wanting. *side eyes Emma Stone’s Gwen Stacy*

However, my attitude is that adaptations should at minimum respect the spirit of the source material no matter what. To do otherwise defeats the object of adapting the work in the first place. If a film is just borrowing superficial traits (names, costumes, powers, etc.) and but not representing the spirit of the character, then creatively speaking it might as well be an original character.

This is the case with the MCU version of Spider-Man. A fundamental component of Stan Lee and Steve Ditko’s original vision for Spider-Man was that he was in essence the anti-Robin.

At a time when teenaged characters were sidekicks (Dick Grayson), supporting characters (Rick Jones) or the ‘kids’ in teams (Johnny Storm) Peter Parker was unique as a totally independent teen hero. Of course that independence only applied to his life as Spider-Man, but that was part of the point. Spider-Man was his escape and release from the pressures and hang ups of his regular life, which included his doting yet coddling aunt.

A critical part of this was that he was a self-made man. No elder mentor guided him in the use of his powers, helped him create his equipment or provided any sort of advice/accountability for Peter. He did it all himself. He was a loner.

On a meta level this is partially why Stan Lee (and for the longest time consequent writers) showcased Spidey not jiving with super teams. It was done to emphasis Peter’s independence and thereby his uniqueness within the genre. Even if that’s not so unique anymore (even in film), it’s still a baked in component of teen Spidey’s story. An essential aspect of who he is as a character.

As is his working class status.*

In fact these things go hand-in-hand. Just as Peter had to shoulder an ‘adult hero’s’ burden as Spider-Man (noticeably Lee didn’t dub him Spider-Boy or Lad as would’ve been common back then he also had to struggle for every penny. With the death of his uncle and his aunt’s poor health the burden of household provider fell on his shoulders.

When you take all this into account, having him fanboy over the Avengers and have a superhero mentor (let alone a billionaire one) is an aggressive misreading of the character.

The best way I can illustrate this is with an analogy from the opposite end of the spectrum. Imagine if you will a movie depicting Dick Grayson’s transformation into Robin. Except Batman was wholly absent. Not even an off-screen presence.

That is how poorly MCU has missed the point of Spider-Man.

And it was never necessary.

Contrary to defenders of the MCU, making Peter an Avengers/Iron Man fanboy was not the only logical direction to go with the character.**

Yes, in Peter’s world most kids would revere the Avengers and Iron Man. But in the real world not every kid or teen likes the Avengers characters or movies. Just as not every major pop culture phenomenon has ever been universally embraced by contemporary kids/teens. In the 1980s not every kid loved the Transformers or the Ninja Turtles. In the 1990s not ever kid loved the Power Rangers or Pokémon.

Of course, most kids did, just as most kids like the Avengers characters today. Similarly most kids in the MCU by extension would look up to the Avengers. However, if anything this could actually help generate a more spiritually faithful rendition of the character. Consider that on literally the first page of Amazing Fantasy #15 Peter Parker was mocked by his classmates for being an outsider. A bookworm who didn’t know the difference between a cha-cha and a waltz.

In the context of the MCU wouldn’t Peter’s lack of familiarity or interest in the Avengers make for an appropriate updating of that characterization?

Let’s also consider that in the context of the regular 616 universe Spidey held little reverence for any of the heroes who had preceded him. This included Captain America and other WWII heroes as well as the Fantastic Four and their leader, the world famous scientist Reed Richards. Peter would’ve surely known who Reed and Cap were but as originally depicted by Stan lee himself, he wasn’t falling over himself during any of their early encounters.

So there was already a precedent in the comics for Spidey to not be dazzled by famous A-list heroes, meaning it’d be totally believable in the context of the MCU. Indeed this was likely part of the point of the character. Just as being Spider-Man didn’t improve his outsider status within the high school hierarchy so too was he an outsider among his super hero peers. The nerd to the Avengers jocks if you will.

But what of those comic book sources that say otherwise? Surely ASM #1, ASM Annual #3 and JMS’ run on Amazing Spider-Man corroborate the MCU’s take upon the character.

Yes and no, let’s tackle them one by one.

In ASM #1 it was made explicit that Peter wanted to join the F4 for purely practical reasons. His family needed money so he hoped the F4 could provide and income. When he learned otherwise he departed as quickly as he’d arrived.

In ASM Annual #3 Peter was far from eager to join the Avengers and was equally unimpressed with them as a group.

He actively sabotaged his own chances to join at the issue’s conclusion.

As for Straczynski’s run…sigh…strap in.

At face value this run does indeed seem to support the MCU’s rendition of Spidey. However, the support it offers falls apart due to two factors.

The first is that, well…Peter and Tony’s relationship was pretty nonsensical.

I’m no Iron Man expert so I do not know how old the character would be roughly. From my impressions of the character though circa 2006 he wasn’t even in his 40s yet. Peter by contrast was 30 years old when you do the math. Unlike Tony he’d had several very serious romantic relationships and was back then happily married (barring a brief trial separation). He and his wife had lost a child and even believed one another dead at one point or another. Peter at the time was also working as a teacher to teenagers where he was clearly framed as their elder authority figure.

What I’m saying is that Peter was if anything more emotionally mature than Tony at this time. Or at least he was mature to the point where he was not going to view Tony as his father figure given the minor age discrepancy.

The relationship was clearly engineered with the pre-determined endgame in mind. That endgame being the ‘Civil War’ storyline wherein Peter would unmask upon Tony’s request and subsequently become a fugitive in defiance of Tony’s unethical practices. The latter would entail Tony threatening Peter and the pair coming to blows.

This brings me to the second factor. The totality of Peter/Tony’s relationship was designed to be a testament to how it was ultimately a bad thing.

Tony wasn’t the man Peter believed him to be.

Tony didn’t have Peter’s best interests at heart.

Tony was willing to spy, threaten and even attack Peter.

And along the way Peter and his family lost their home and the safety of Peter’s anonymity. The end result was Peter’s life becoming a shell of it’s former self, with his loved ones in serious danger. In fact you could view his fugitive status as a way to recreate the ‘good old days’ when Spider-Man was feared and hated by the public and authorities.

Had Peter retained his independence rather than surrendering any part of it to his ‘father figure’ Tony Stark, much of this could’ve been avoided. If nothing else Peter might’ve been able to unmask privately rather than publicly.

Whilst the MCU addresses the first factor via de-aging Peter, it has no answer for the second. It borrowed from the JMS run superficially and ditched the greater subtext regarding how Peter shouldn’t have formed a relationship with Tony.

I’d like to conclude by addressing the most obvious counterpoint to everything I’ve said.

If Spider-Man were more comic faithful wouldn’t it undermine the entire point of him being in the MCU? The appeal of the concept was seeing Spider-Man interact with the wider MCU. From the audience’s POV seeing yet another Spidey flick confined to using Spider-Man exclusive elements might as well have been produced solely by Sony.

The problem with this argument though is that it doesn’t consider the myriad of possibilities available. Spidey could interact with the wider MCU and still be in character.

I’m no writer but off the top of my head:

Spidey could have defied the Sokovia Accords and thus been wanted by the authorities (a neat updating of his traditional ‘outlaw’ status), consequently coming into conflict with Iron Man

Spidey might have still dueled the Vulture and interacted with Tony as he did in ‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’. However, instead of gradually realizing he should be a ‘friendly neighborhood’ hero, he could call Tony out for ignoring small scale crime which indirectly ‘created’ the Vulture in the first place

Following ‘Avengers: Endgame’ the dissolution of the Avengers combined with the huge uptick in the population and displacement of citizens might’ve caused far more street crime that Peter would have to deal with. The remnants of H.Y.D.R.A. might’ve exploited this to gain a foothold upon which to rebuild.*** That might’ve warrant an appearance from more grounded heroes like Hawkeye or Ant-Man

An environment like this could’ve been exploited by Quentin Beck to frame Spider-Man, exploiting his already shaky public reputation and make himself look more appealing by contrast

Or Hell just do ‘Nothing Can Stop the Juggernaut’ but with the Hulk as Roger Stern planned to do in the first place

I’m sure many of you could suggest infinitely better ideas.

In conclusion, no matter how you slice it, there were better options than rendering Peter Parker Iron Man Junior instead of Spider-Man.

*Peter, as depicted in ‘Captain America: Civil War’ was clearly not well off financially, yet consequent depictions of Peter in the MCU have de-emphasized this to the point where you could argue they are very probably not working class anymore.

This makes sense internally as a billionaire Tony Stark has no reason to take Peter under his wing but allow him to still dumpster dive for equipment. Giving the boy at least some modest financial stability would be a logical step in building a relationship with him and giving him more time and energy to put into his scientific and heroic pursuits.

Whilst I don’t exactly agree with everything said here, this post dives into the subject more deeply.

**And even if it was, if the context demands Peter be rendered so unrecognizable then maybe it was just creatively reductive to integrate him into the MCU the first place.

***They have after all had connections to organized crime in the comics.

#MCU #marvel cinematic universe #Tony Stark #Anthony Stark #Iron Man #Steve Rogers #captain america: civil war #Spider-Man: Far From Home #spider-man: homecoming #Captain America #pokemon #Power Rangers #Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles #Transformers #Tom Holland #Avengers #The Avengers

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twoidiotwriters1 · 4 years

Text

Pure Blood 15 (Sirius Black x F! Oc)

Words: 2,440

Masterlist

Chapter 14 // Chapter 16

"It was a simple task and you couldn't even do it," Ares complains. His face flushed with anger.

"You asked me to use an unforgivable spell, not only was I going to risk my life with a ticket to Azkaban, you asked me to murder an innocent family!" Tears run down my face. "They had a little boy!”

"Muggles, either way!”

“Not because they don't have magic it means they deserve to be killed. They didn't know why they were there!”

"What don't they deserve?" His teeth gnash, he grabs my arm very tightly. "All your life we’ve taught you your position in this family, in this society–and now you come out with this nonsense! Don't tell me that you’re fond of them now…” His grip grows stronger and I complain. "Because if that's the case... you'd better not live anymore in this house"

I remain silent, impressed by my father's words. I don't understand how we went from being the perfect family to this. I always saw my father as a hero, the one who was always going to protect me from everything. But now…

“N-no…” He nods and releases me.

"Go away," He hisses and I don't wait any longer to run away from there.

I go up the stairs and stop at the bottom of them. My breathing is accelerated. I look at my right arm, which has a mark on. I lean against a wall and once my breathing is even, I walk to a door and knock several times. Apollo opens it

"I need Jane,” I say in a whisper and I raise my arm to show him. He looks down.

“Who–?" He stops half a question and looks me straight in the eye. I nod. He steps back and lets me into his old room. "Love, Persephone needs you…”

Jane comes out of the bathroom and when she sees my wound, she sighs.

"We haven't been in this house long, how many times have you hurt yourself, honey?" Although I know she’s not joking, I can't help but laugh at her question.

She shares her head with a smile. I sit on Apollo’s bed and Jane is focused on healing my arm. Apollo moves arranging his things along with his wife's in the room, I suppose this room’s smaller than the one in her home.

“Apollo-“ He stops at my call. "When your baby is born, will I be able to visit you?" I know Jane wants to answer, but I don't take my eyes off my older brother. And for the first time in a long time, he gives me a smile, just for me.

"Of course you can, Persephone."

——————————————

The rest of the vacation passed quickly, especially since I spent it almost every day in my room to avoid any problem. I only spoke with Jane and sometimes with Apollo, Juno spoke to me just to ask for favors and the other two only to annoy me, but since I didn't play along like before, they got bored and left me be.

But finally I'm back at Hogwarts and the first person I see when I enter the castle is Remus, who greets me with a big hug. Which I really needed.

"Thanks for the notebook, Wolfie," I whisper before we part and he laughs.

"You're welcome. By the way, the book you sent me is the one I was missing, thank you,” He says and I wink. "I don't think your vacation was as happy as what you told me in your letters," I shrug.

"It could be worst. Any progress with the super plan?”

He smiles.

“Maybe. I have an idea, but I still have to think about some things, the important thing is that I think it can be achieved,” I sigh in relief.

"Those words are music to my ears."

"I guess it’ll be part of our meeting next time,” He smiles a little. "How did you manage to survive in your house?" He asks with worry.

"I had a tense moment with my father, but…” I shake my head. "That doesn't matter anymore.”

"Percy, you know you won’t be fine if you don't tell me how you feel, we promised that we would be honest." I rub my neck.

"Second topic for the meeting?”

He nods. I examine my friend in detail, his eyes show tiredness, he also has dark circles. It won't be long before the full moon. "Do you think this time we can talk about your little furry problem every full moon?" Remus quirks up at that.

"N-no, I don't think it is.”

"Oh come on, you know every ridiculous story from my sad life, how about an exchange of misfortunes?" I try to joke around so he doesn't feel so pressured. I already knew about his lycanthropy, but I don't have all the details. When I mentioned it, Remus almost freaked out.

“All right," He finally says.

“You shouldn't be that close to snakes, Lunatic. Especially that one, it's poisonous,” I roll my eyes when I hear that stupid voice. We both turn to meet James and Sirius.

"Behave yourself, Prongs,” James holds up his hands.

"I'm just telling the truth– Right, Padfoot?" I look at Sirius, but he isn't listening to his friend, instead he stares at my neck. "Paddie?"

Sirius shakes his head.

“What?”

“Dude, we haven't even had classes yet and you're already distracted, why are you staring at her like that? I don't think there’s much to look at.”

My cheeks flush and I fold my arms over my chest.

“Idiot."

He laughs.

"James!" Remus scolds him.

"That necklace is new, Singh. Any admirer?” Sirius refuses to play along with his friend.

I touch the necklace distractedly.

"I don't think so…” I reply simply.

"Are you okay, Sirius?" Remus asks. The boy just nods.

"P!" Jenna comes to us and practically tackles me. “Hello, Marauders. I'm sorry to interrupt, but I need to kidnap this beautiful lady.”

"I see that everything is forgiven,” says Remus with a smile and we both nod.

Jenna doesn't wait and takes my hand, she guides me through the corridors of the school until we reach the gardens, Lily Evans’ group is sitting in a circle.

“Ah, Jenna…” I release her hand and stop.

"What's going on?"

"What are you planning? I can't go to them,” I say nervously.

"Don't be silly! I just want to do something, they won't do anything to you.”

“I don’t belong in that your group, Jenna," She sighs and comes closer.

“Honey," She takes my face in her hands. "They won’t despise you, I promise.”

"But I’ve done it! For a long time, I made fun of each one of them, I can’t do it!”

"You know? I'm surprised by this new attitude, P. What happened to the confident girl who wouldn't be trampled on by anyone?” I bite my lower lip.

“She's no longer here, she should never have existed," She stops touching my face.

"No, Persephone. The girl who discriminated against others and hurt them is no longer here. She’s widely different from the one who always walks with her head held high. Honey, I've seen you stand up in front of everyone's criticism, don't let that disappear.”

I almost want to cry. Almost, but she's right.

"It's hard to see the difference," She smiles.

“But that's what you have me for, sweetie. We'll do it together, like always.” I can't believe how close I came to losing her. "Listen, if you feel uncomfortable, we can go. I just want to do something, okay?” She takes my hand again.

When we finally arrive the conversation between them dies. They all smile at Jenna and they stare at me.

Marlene gets up and hugs Jenna. I smile, pulling back a little.

"I missed you so much, love," says Marlene fondly.

"I did too. My family’s so boring, your letters were my salvation!” When they break apart, Jenna moves away a little and smiles at me. “Mar, I want to officially introduce you to my best friend, Persephone. P, she is my girlfriend, Marlene…” The girl miles shyly at me.

“It’s… good to see you Marlene. I mean, all of you–” I point out, “Yes, it's good to see you all together again as always... it's not that you can't be apart– Well, I’ve only seen Lily alone, but you’re always in a group, not that it’s wrong, you are friends, that’s what friends do…” I stop speaking when I listen to their laughter.

Jenna puts her arm around my shoulders.

"Forgive her, she talks a lot when she's nervous.”

I rub the back of my neck.

"You don't have to be, Persephone," says Lily.

Jenna and I sat on the grass in front of them. Jenna and Marlene hold hands and share a knowing look. The conversation continues, but I don’t understand the topic well enough, from time to time I observe in detail the interaction between the couple. Some whispers in the ear, sweet giggles, kisses on the cheek or lips…

"They're adorable." Lily interrupts my thoughts, turning to them.

“Yeah.”

"It makes you think… You want something like that, don’t you?" I frown.

"I guess…” I smile at the thought. Actually, she's right, it’d be a... good thing, to have something like that.

"But it's hard to find it," She sighs and I laugh. "What?"

"I know someone who’s willing to have something like that with you,” At first Lily frowns, but then she understands.

“Oh, please, not in a million years," She squeals, making me laugh. "It's not fun!"

"Yes it is! Potter would give anything to have five minutes of your attention, imagine what he’d do to be your boyfriend!”

"That will never happen!”

"Yeah right, can I be your bridesmaid?" She hits my shoulder and I can’t stop laughing.

"Very funny, isn't it? What about your love life?”

"Simple, it doesn't exist," She raises a brow.

"I bet you and Sirius would make a nice couple…”

"Stop there, redhead. There’s a difference between James and Sirius– James would leave anyone to be with you, and Sirius can’t stop being a womanizer. I'm sure he’ll end alone.”

Saying those words, I can't help but feel a knot in my stomach, but I ignore it.

"That only affirms my theory, Singh,” She smirks. I look at her confused. "If Sirius leaves all those girls, you think you’d be something?"

I shake my head repeatedly.

"No- I don’t- He doesn’t- Agh!" I groan, making her laugh. "It won't happen.” I sentence with a growl

"I find many errors in your theory, Persephone."

"I don’t," I shrug.

Later, the group begins another conversation, with names that I didn’t recognize, in situations that I never knew happened.

I know that my presence causes them some discomfort, especially with Alice, and sometimes Lily doesn’t know if she should mention something in front of me, at no time I take part in the gossip, but I don’t care about it much. Surely, I’d act the same, or even worse. I don't blame them, but all of this helps me relax a little and makes forget about my family.

The next day, classes continue smoothly. Some tests have already been answered, but there’s still some tension between the students. Without realizing it, several weeks had passed without any drama.

"You look… less worse."

"Thanks, Reg, you always know what to say," I say as I toss him a piece of apple. He laughs, shaking his head.

“You’re relaxed, that's good. What about the nightmares?”

“They keep coming, but now I can sleep. I guess at Hogwarts I feel safer knowing that my father can't harm me here.”

Regulus grimaces, nodding.

"The picnic was a good idea when everyone is at the Quidditch match," He offers, eating a grape.

The gardens are just for us, I wanted a moment of silence with my best friend.

"I always have good ideas,” We laugh. "Come on, I bet you can catch this grape with your mouth," he groans, but agrees to try.

"You suck at this game. Always.”

"Shut up, I need to focus,” He rolls his eyes and opens his mouth.

The first attempt fails. And the second. And third. After his turn, I only manage to catch one.

"That's cheating," He complains.

"How could it be cheating? You threw it,” I scoff.

"You throw the grapes very high, the last one almost hit me in the eye!"

"That's because you don't have good reflexes, idiot.”

"So?" A piece of apple hits my forehead and we start a food war. "Now that’s enough! Don't waste anymore food, Singh.”

I laugh and pick up the remains.

"Hey, the other day I heard a little rumor about you,” I raised my eyebrows suggestively.

"What thing?"

"Oh nothing, they just mentioned a certain Amelia Potts…” He groans dramatically and I giggle.

"I just helped her with her story assignment and suddenly I'm dating her?"

"You don’t like her?"

"It's not that. She’s beautiful and good– Pureblood, it's just that... I'm sick of everyone wanting to pair me up with everyone.”

"I understand,” We’re silent for a few minutes, then he gets up.

"It's horrible how something’s always expected of you, especially when even you don't know what you're capable of…” His words surprise me, but I don’t know what to reply.

"We should run away, Persephone.”

"What?" I look at him with an amused expression.

“As soon as school ends and you’re no longer tied to that ridiculous wedding and I don't have any family responsibilities. Let’s just run away and don't look back–”

"Did the food hurt yout head?"

"Think about it!” He ignores my question. "Life without worries, without fear of anyone, just travel, no parents, no school, no work, nothing to stop us!" He says, almost shouting the last.

I laugh and get up to face him.

“That'd be great. Where would we go?" He smiles.

“Wherever! Greece, Ireland, India, we can go to America, wherever we want!" He raises his arms.

“Oh! We could do whatever, eat whatever, wear anything, dance on the beach!”

"Yes!" And as if we were connected, we start dancing –or that was the intention, at one point it’s just meaningless jumps, no music, just our laughter with zero cares about the world.

This is unusual for Regulus, but I wouldn’t complain about this attitude in a million years. I love it when he’s not serious and prefers to have fun with me. Time and our parents have not taken these moments away.

Taglist:

@treestarrrrrrrr @siriuslysirius1107 @thagreenmoon @madmaiden2890 @bloodorangemoonlight @ren-ela @avipshamitra @auroraawrites @findzelda@lizlil @siriusmuch @mey-rapp

#Pure blood #hp fanfic #Sirius Black #Sirius black x reader #James potter #remus lupin #Harry potter #twoidiots writing

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raysofcrosby · 5 years

Text

CHANGE MY MIND PT. 2

“𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘴. 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺.” ━ 𝘋𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘥 𝘕𝘪𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘴, 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘋𝘢𝘺

warning(s): cussing

word count: 4,282

authors note: i honestly didn’t know when i was going to get this done bc the writing process has been kind of slow, but my bff and i got vip pit tickets to two 5sos concerts in sept and i’ve literally been so happy that i finished writing!!! as always, thank yall for reading, commenting, liking and reblogging– it means a lot and i love you all for it. enjoy part 2 of my new series!! :)

*Boone's P.O.V*

He knew there was a catch.

There was always a fucking catch.

Never once in his life had he ever gone on a date and had it go well. There was always some twist whether at the beginning, in the middle or at the end of the date. Hell, even with his ex-girlfriend shit never went right, yet he dated her for three years. Of course, those were three, extremely toxic, years where they spent more time arguing and trying to screw with the other's mind, rather than working on having a functional, loving relationship. Even his many one-night stands within the last year hadn't even ended up anywhere near normal. There was the girl who locked herself in his bathroom. The time he had to get Seth and Josh to bang on his apartment door pretending to be cops just to get a girl to leave. The last four years of his romantic part of life had been one hot mess after another– and he expected this dumb blind date that Josh had begged him to attend, wouldn't be any different.

But it was.

It was actually one of the best dates he had been on in YEARS and that fact alone was surprising to him, especially considering all it consisted of was sitting in a slightly busy coffee shop and chatting over hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls. There were no sexual innuendos he often experienced throughout and there definitely wasn't any post-date sex. Sitting there at the small table and just talking about the small things in life and never touching the subject of hockey or fame, was refreshing. It was the big breath of fresh air that he never knew he needed or wanted.

You were like the big break he'd been looking for and it killed him to think that he might actually have to thank Josh and Bailee for setting this up. He already saw it– the smirk on both of their faces when he told them how fun the date was and how he had already been thinking about asking you on another one. He needed to get to know you better, he wanted to figure out just what it was that separated you from the rest. The perfect date.

Until it wasn't.

Because the twist he'd been waiting for and was relieved that had never shown up, had been revealed the moment he walked you home. Only this time, shockingly, the twist wasn't some psycho act, refusal to leave or even a snarky attitude. Instead, it was a little girl wearing frozen pajamas.

At first, he wasn't even sure if she was just a figure of his imagination, if you had the wrong apartment or if you were babysitting for the girl who had just rushed down the hallway like it was on fire. But the moment that the word 'mommy' left the little girls' lips, it was like he was frozen...literally.

It was all a blur after that. He swore he could hear you say goodnight and something else, but his mind was so focused on the disappointment of the surprise, that he barely even heard you. He wasn't even sure if he looked away from the little girl. Hell, he barely even remembers what he said to you before disappearing down the hallway.

Disappointment and Anger, those were the two reactions he had been feeling since last night. Disappointment that the date he thought was perfect, of course, turned out to have a hidden surprise. And anger at Josh and Bailee for never even bothering to give him a heads up about it.

He pushed open the locker room door, immediately looking in the direction of Josh's locker to see it empty. "Man on a mission, Boone?" PLD joked, sitting up and resting his elbows on his knees.

"Where's Josh?" He asked, heading over to his locker and tossing his water bottle into his locker.

"Last I saw he was returning the heating pack," Zach replied, nodding his head in the direction from where Boone had just come in. "He should be back in a few."

No sooner than the words left his mouth, the locker room door swung open again and Josh strolled in, following behind Seth and Cam, the three of them laughing. He waited before Josh sat down in his cubby before storming over there, standing over him. It only took Josh a few seconds to realize that Boone was standing there and he raised an eyebrow and went to speak. But before Josh could even get out a word, he cut him off.

"A kid. She has a kid."

He watched the smile fall off of Josh's face before he cleared his throat and took a deep breath, exhaling soon after. "So you met Riley."

"Yeah, I met the child," Boone said, giving Josh a sarcastic smile. "Why the hell didn't you tell me she had a kid?"

"Uh, probably because it's not my business to tell?" Josh replied, rolling his eyes before bending down to finish getting dressed. "I'm surprised you even met her this soon. Y/N usually never gets to that point."

"Oh no, she didn't tell me about the kid. She got some phone call and I drove her home and walked her to the door and then some...blonde girl comes rushing out and leaves and before she could say anything that," he waves his hands nonchalantly before dropping them to his side. "child, throws up all over the floor."

"'That child'?" Seth laughs, raising his eyebrows as he plops down in his locker. "You know you sound like an ass right now, right?"

"Well excuse me for being real," Boone replied, rolling his eyes. "I don't think you understand how off guard this all was, Seth."

"What's so off-guard about it? I mean, think about it," He rolled up his rashguard sleeves and bent down to slip on his skates. "If you were in her position, most likely a single parent, would 'hey, I have a kid at home' be the first thing you'd talk about on a date with a random stranger? Especially if it's only the first date and it could or could not go anywhere?"

It was probably extremely visible at just how taken aback Boone was at his comment. He literally could feel himself step back at what Seth had said. And it wasn't any better when he looked at Josh for backup, only to see Josh raising his eyebrows with a 'he's not wrong' smile on his face. Boone sighed and glared at the two teammates. He knew they were right, that maybe, he was being just a little overdramatic. But after spending most of the night thinking that there was no dramatic twist and then finding out there was one– it was hard not to be understanding. Instead of further arguing, he huffed and walked over to his locker and started to get dressed for practice.

"Besides the surprise, how was the date?"

"Date?" Zach chimed in, looking over at Boone. "What was it this time? Did you have to sneak out of your apartment? Call building security?"

"Fake a vet call for your non-existent dog?" PLD laughed, gaining a few touches of laughter as well.

Boone rolled his eyes, tugging his rashguard over his head and pulling it down before giving them a sarcastic smile. "Haha, very funny you assholes." He grabbed his pads and sat down, bending over to put them on. "But no...it was really nice. We talked over drinks and it was cool."

"What kind of drinks are we talking about? Shots? Margaritas?"

"Hot Chocolate and Cinnamon rolls."

The silence was deafening from the group of guys as Boone stayed hunched over and putting on his pads. When he sat up, he was greeted to looks mixed with confusion and awe. "What?"

"Hot Chocolate and Cinnamon rolls?" Cam chimed in, shrugging his shoulders with a smile on his face. "Sounds kind of domestic to me, especially considering your...interesting past."

"Oh shut up you assholes, there's nothing domestic about hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls," Boone groaned, standing up and putting on his practice jersey. "You guys are just being–"

"Teammates, who are tired of your horrible taste in women?" Josh added in, continuing to tape his stick.

Boone had no answer because Josh was right. His history of hookups has proved to be very...troubling. That and the guys were too busy laughing for him to even give a clear answer. "Alright, alright, shut up all of you."

"Just tell me this," Seth said, standing up and pointing his water bottle at him. "At any time during the date, did the thought of inviting her over to your apartment to have dirty, first date sex, cross your mind?"

Boone sucked in his lips and kept his gaze on his stick, never losing focus as he taped it up. The silence around him was deafening, which alone told them his answer– and he realized it for the first time since last night. Not once, did he ever consider offering you to come over to his place for a drink and to have meaningless sex, just to send you off later that night or even the next morning Whereas, on his other dates, that was usually the offer within the first 15 minutes. That alone made him nervous about you. He hadn't felt that way on a date since his ex-girlfriend, and everyone knew how well that relationship turned out.

How was he sure that this was going to be any different? That you were going to be any different? Especially since you had a kid.

"Ho-ly fucking shit," Seth scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. "You need to ask her on another date."

"What?" He ripped off the tape and tossed his roll into the locker. "Why should I do that?"

"Because uh, she's normal?" Zach said, shrugging on his practice jersey.

"That," Seth chimed in, pointing at Zach before turning back to Boone. "And your other crazy hookups have cost me plenty of extra hours of sleep in the mornings. So she has a kid? What's the big deal?"

Boone just turned his back to them as he finished getting ready for practice, looking into his locker and making sure he had gone through his routine perfectly. When he grabbed his helmet and turned back to walk towards the locker room door, Josh was waiting there for him with a smile on his face. Boone sighed a defeating sigh and made his way over to his teammate, coming to a stop just beside him. "So?" Josh smiled, further making Boone just want to deck him in the face.

"What's her number?"

❒❒❒❒

This was stupid.

He sighed, standing outside your apartment building with a hot chocolate and a cinnamon roll wrapped up from your date cafe in hand. As he looked up at the building, another thought crossed his mind.

This was also really fucking creepy.

He only dropped you off at your place once and now he was about to show up out of the blue, not even knowing if you were home. It was Saturday afternoon, so he kind of figured you'd be home– assuming you didn't have any plans. Josh said that he knew you didn't have plans with Bailee, but what if you had plans with other friends? Or another guy?

"Yep nope, this is a bad idea," he huffed, turning back away from your building and facing the street. "But, I was kind of an ass, so its at least worth a try."

When he turned back around, he came face to face with Bailee. She stood there with a raised eyebrow and a knowing smile. "Talking to yourself there, Boone?"

His eyes went wide when he realized that Bailee saw him here...outside of your apartment. He sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "Just out...for a walk."

"Isn't time about time for your pre-game nap?" She walked down the apartment steps and looked around before smiling back at him. "And last time I checked, you lived about hm...10 minutes, in that direction."

He could feel his face heat up the longer that he stood there with her staring at him and his mouth open, unable to find an answer. He cleared his throat and held up his offerings to you. "I asked Josh for her number, he gave me her number and her address and I just thought that I'd–"

"Make-up for being a total douchebag for running off as you did?"

Ouch, he felt that one.

Oh, shit...he felt that– her snide comment...actually made him feel bad? He could only imagine how his quick exit last night had made you feel and for the first time in a long time...he actually cared. "I-"

"Listen, Josh and I didn't set you two up for the hell of it or just because we think it'd be cool that two of our friends are dating," she sighed, walking down all of the steps and coming to a stop in front of him. "We both care about you guys and the two of you are more similar than you think."

"Bails, I swear I didn't mean to run off like that I," he raised his arms in a lazy shrug and shook his head. "I just...it was weird? Scary? I don't know."

"Try being in her shoes, Jenner." She patted his shoulder and started to walk by him, digging in her purse for her keys. "But a word to the wise, I wouldn't go up there right now. She's in a pretty heated argument with her boss and only one is winning."

He could feel the disappointment weigh down on his shoulders as he looked at his hot chocolate and cinnamon roll. "Any chance you'd want this?"

"Nope, I've been doing this 30 day no sugar thing and I'm on day 29. So I politely decline your...delicious sweets. I'll see you tonight!" She pulled her keys out and started to walk down the street.

"Yeah, see you."

She unlocked her car as he walked up the few steps and sighed. "Boone, wait!" He turned to see her standing next to her car, looking all serious. "I love you for doing this because it means that you're well aware that you pulled a grade-A dick move last night. But I love Y/N more, she's my girl, my person...she has been since we were kids. So do not make me regret setting this up or so help me God I will not hesitate to kick your ass. Professional Hockey player or not."

He had to admit, Bailee could be intimidating as hell– all 5 foot 5 inches of her. He gave her a polite smile before jogging up the rest of the stares and finding his way to the elevator inside before she had a chance to run after him. When he got into the elevator and pressed your floor number, he felt perfectly fine...until the doors closed. Then, he realized that maybe this was a mistake.

Would you find it endearing that he brought you snacks?

Or just plain borderline stalkerish?

As soon as the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened, he knew that there was no turning back. He took a deep breath and sighed as he walked out of the elevator and down the hall to your apartment door.

He dug out his phone and opened his message from Josh

apartment 338A

He felt stupid, the fact that the quick thought of how it must be fate that the two of you be together because his jersey number just happened to be your apartment number. So just as quick as that thought came into his head, he pushed it out. As he came to a stop in front of your door, he contemplated knocking and engaging in conversation before hoping you'd invite him inside. But based on just how Bailee had said minutes earlier about your conversation with your boss, he thought that probably wasn't the best.

So instead, he'd leave a note.

Digging into his jacket pockets, he groaned as his hands were met with emptiness. Why he thought that he'd just happen to have a marker or even a pen with him, he didn't know. Though considering how many kids ask him for autographs on the street in his day-to-day life, he probably should start carrying one around. Defeated, he sighed and placed the hot chocolate and paper bag down in front of your door and knocked three times before making a break down the hallway. The boys would be chirping him with no mercy if they saw him right now, ducking behind a corner by the elevator, peeking around to see if you'd opened the door yet. When he heard the door open and then your voice, he quickly ducked behind the corner, scared of being seen. When he felt like it was safe to look, he slowly peeked back around to see you bending down and picking up his gift before walking back into your room.

He let out a breath he wasn't even aware that he had been holding before pressing the elevator button and walking into the opened doors. As the doors closed behind him, he dug his hands into his pockets and smiled, shaking his head.

Borderline stalkerish? Maybe. But it was worth it since he was more than positive that he had seen you smile as you acknowledged his gift.

❒❒❒❒

As much as he shouldn't have done it, he spent the entire game wondering whether or not you had known if the surprise left at your doorstep was from him. To him, it was obvious that the gift could have only been from him, but how was he to know that Bailee never had the same order before and you thought she had come back and left it behind as a pick me up?

While he did spend the game with the lingering thought in the back of his mind, he was able to take out the unnecessary anger and disappointment he'd still been harboring inside, out on every Pittsburgh player that crossed his path. He wasn't necessarily still angry at Josh or even disappointed in you hiding your kid, but more along the lines that he was angry and disappointed in himself and honestly in fate in general.

How cruel could the world be to dangle a woman who seemed to be the one he could be serious about for the first time in a long time...and then throw in a twist?

If the two of you chose to actually move forward and date, how would the little girl factor in? What is he to her? Does he have to do anything? What comes along with dating a woman who already has a child?

Even after scoring two goals in their 6 to 2 win against their rival, he couldn't stop thinking about it. When he got back into the locker room and after all the press and pleasantries, he hoped to see something from you on his phone. That maybe you had figured out it was him who left the treats and you had asked Bailee for his number to send a text. But when he grabbed his phone, all he saw were football notifications, a text from his family group chat and girls sliding into his Instagram DMs. He was surprised when he answered the text and ignored the dm's, even rolling his eyes as he tossed his phone down and proceeded to get undressed.

He never turned down a DM, especially if it was from someone who he had already hooked up with prior. But for some odd reason, and he couldn't pinpoint it to any kind of feeling...he just didn't even bother with them.

When he was finished with his shower and got dressed back up into his suit, he saw that Josh was still waiting for him in his locker. They planned to go to the small bar down the street with Bailee and just have a drink or two to destress after the game– but when he saw his still empty phone, he didn't feel like going anymore.

"Ready? Bailee's waiting outside." Josh said, standing up and adjusting his suit jacket.

"Listen, about that–"

"Oh no, no way," Josh groaned, as the two of them walked out of the locker room. "There's no way you're ditching me."

"You're ditching drinks?" Josh and Boone both looked up to see Bailee walking over from her place against the wall with an amused smile on her face. "What? Suddenly you're not into a beer for destressing?"

Boone went to say something when the movement behind Bailee caught his eye. He first recognized your hair, the way you had it pulled out of your face– the same way you had worn it the night before. Then, he recognized your soft smile, which he was assuming to be your signature trait. And of course, and he couldn't help this, he definitely recognized the way that your jeans hugged your legs and waist. Then it dawned on him.

You were really here...at his game...standing directly in front of him.

"Hot chocolate?" He asked, mentally smacking himself in the face. He could have said anything, literally anything, like 'hey' or 'thanks for coming' but no...instead, he blurts out 'hot chocolate.'

He ignored Bailee's snicker as she moved towards Josh for a hug and only focused on you. He took notice of how his bumbled word caused you to blush and look down at your feet for only a second before you tucked a loose piece of hair behind your ear. It was beautiful in a simple way.

"Thank you, for the hot chocolate and cinnamon roll." You smiled, finally looking at him. "I mean, I didn't get to enjoy it because a certain five-year-old said it was hers...but I appreciate the gesture. Though I am wondering how you disappeared down the hallway so fast."

"Dude...did you ding dong ditch her apartment?" Josh asked, nudging him in the arm.

"What?" Boone scoffed, suddenly feeling really embarrassed at the gesture he hoped that none of the guys would ever find out about. "Bailee said you were on the phone and I didn't want to disrupt you–"

"So you ran...down the hallway and hid?" Josh laughed, clapping Boone on the shoulder. "Please further tell this story at drinks, please."

"Actually, I can't go." You chimed in, sighing as you hugged your jacket close to you. "I've got housework to do and other stuff I need to finish over the weekend."

Boone was disappointed, there was no doubt about that. When he saw you here with Bailee, he was excited about getting to know you more over a beer or two. See how you were when you were carefree and in a fun environment. Plus, it meant he didn't have to be third-wheel with Bailee and Josh. It was a quick glimpse at Bailee when he saw her nudge her head in your direction and smile.

It was his chance.

"Same here actually," he said, patting Josh on the shoulder. "I'm feeling a little tired and I think extra sleep will be a better destresser than two beers."

"You guys suck." Josh pouted, rolling his eyes before looking at Bailee. "At least you're still with me right?"

"To the end babe," Bailee smiled, kissing him before grabbing his hand and turning to you and Boone. "Y/N came with me in the uber though...Boone, can you drive her home?"

"Absolutely, I wouldn't mind at all." He smiled, catching a glimpse of you giving Bailee a look he couldn't make out.

"Perfect, let's go."

Bailee had planned this– there was no doubt about it. She probably knew that you had no intention of going to the bar with them after the game. And since she saw Boone at your apartment to make amends earlier in the day, she knew that the moment you said you weren't going...he wouldn't either.

She was a mastermind.

When the four of you reached the parking garage and waved Bailee and Josh goodbye, he helped you into his car before walking around and getting in on the drivers' side. As soon as he got into the car, he took notice of the comfortable silence that settled between the two of you, and even how it stayed comfortable the moment the music came through his radio speakers.

He didn't know who was going to break the silence first, you or him. He could start by saying sorry about last night, that would be a good way to get the conversation going. But he wasn't even sure if you wanted to talk to him. After all, you never agreed to have him take you home. Coming up to a stoplight just outside of the arena, he turned to you to say something, only to see you already looking at him.

"Do you want to go get a hot chocolate or something? Maybe talk a little bit?"

He was shocked and flattered at the same time. Normally it was him making the first move, besides the initial move often being a girl reaching out to him in a DM. He saw the uncertainty flash across your face and he realized that he had been too lost in thought that he hadn't replied yet.

"Yeah," he cleared his throat, smiling at you. "I'd like that. But only if we get one of those chocolate croissant things."

You laughed and he felt a flutter in his chest as the soft sound echoed through his ears. "Deal."

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