#autistic at work

[vegasicilia]

My bad, I forgot I had autism.

So, big f*cking week at work. Very f**king big week. I crushed it. I rose to the opportunity and finished better than anyone thought a project of mine at work. Boss huged me. Parents said they were proud. My LinkedIn was soaring. I was happy. I'm still happy.

I spent a whole week being more social, more hyperactive, more organized and more talkative than ever. I met people after people and made small talk. I f*cking orchestrated, directed and executed an event I had been planning for since May. Working 13 hours a day for 3 days. I FREAKING KILLED IT. All while going to the gym, keeping my diet in check and taking care of myself (bedroom clean, teeth brushed, nails clean, beard shaven).

Side note, for you my readers (is anyone reading this?). There's a thing I haven't told you officially, my dear Tumblr blog, and that is that I have a big fat autistic brain with ADHD sprinkles on top. And since I didn't know about any of this since I was 20, years have passed and my subconscious stil thinks I don't have autism and ADHD and that I can just function as a normal human being.

Back to the main story, an hour after the event was done and everyone was going home, it hit me. Like a train. My regular delusion that I can be a normal person for extended periods of time came to an end faster than I can say "autism". Like a freaking tsunami had reached my shore, I broke down at a friends house and slept for 12h straight. My brain had had enough. Dopamine wasn't flowing. Adrenaline rush was gone. My frontal cortex announced early retirement as I said goodbye to the few people who stayed until the very end.

I was down on my friends's sofa for about half a day. I thought that would be it, that I would get home and go to work the next day and everything would be fine. But it was not. I've spent the last few days as a zombie, walking around the office as if anything around me had anything to do with me. I came home at the end of my 9 to 5 to have dinner at 7 and be in bed by 8-9 every day. I stopped going to the gym, I couldn't care less about my diet and my skincare has stopped. And I can't do anything about it. I just don't care. I can't make myself care.

I have to stand aside as my brain repeats the cycle again: work hard & play hard until you can't take it anymore. And it's not something I can't really control. My roomates don't understand why I'm home so much and I'm not out and about all day like always. My friends reach out to hang but I just wanna wear my new pajamas and watch the new Doctor Who special (it was awesome btw, love you David Tennant)

I need recharging, but it feels like the world is made only for Duracell AA batteries I'm a potato in salt water trying to power a Tesla in the highway.

[roxsie]

The autistic urge to not say goodbye when you leave work, to avoid some awkward socialization.

Only to be called out by your boss..

Fun fact this happened to me today and it's my birthday. Happy anxious birthday to me

[heresiae]

Working with neurotypicals

Their idea of a discussion: interrupting you while you're explaining your thought process to focus on a single thing you just said, thus making you lose the thread of your speech and trigger the high-anxiety program.

Their reaction at "please let me finish first": getting irritated, because this is how discussions work.

The outcome: still interrupting, forcing you to keep asking and thus leaving the impression of being rude and difficult to work with.

The result: your brain is a mess now, you can't find the reasons behind your first assumptions or even the references. you end up looking like a fool and just want to crawl into a blanket and call it a day.

[inkskinned]

please i love you i'm begging you bring back suspension of disbelief bring back trusting the audience like. i cannot handle any more dialogue that sounds like a legal document. "hello, i am here to talk to you about the incident from a few minutes ago, because i feel you might be unwell, and i am invested in your personal wellbeing." "thank you, i am unwell because the incident was hurtful to me due to my childhood, which was bad." I CANT!!!!

do you know how many people are mad that authors use "growled" as a word for "said"? it's just poetics! they do not literally mean "growled," it's just a common replacement for "said with force but in a low tone." it's normal! do you hear me!! help me i love you please let me out of here!!!

[dailydivergent]

There’s no such thing as work-life balance for neurodivergent & chronically ill people.

This is because everything in my life requires work:

maintaining friendships

keeping up with my hygiene

managing bills

making money

remembering my basic needs

sleeping regularly

outputting creatively

All requires some aspect of work for me.

And when everything in your life requires work, your balance goes out the window.

If you're neurodivergent and overwhelmed — I see you.

If you're chronically ill and overwhelmed — I see you.

You're not dysfunctional.

You're not incapable.

You're doing your best.

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

best thing about batman is that he's a superficially grimdark character, gothic & brooding & angst ridden etc..........but then it turns out he has a million hobbies, regularly goes on adventures with his besties, and has a dozen adopted kids he's raising with his devoted foster dad. good for him

[kenni-woodard]

I feel like the inability to personalize my space (or even take up space at all) at work is why I struggle to stay focused. I can't customize most things on my screen. If I were to go into the office, we don't have assigned seating so I can't bring things that would help me be comfortable there, like an ottoman to put under my desk so that my legs don't bother me - which is kinda necessary after having blood clots that most likely originated in my legs. I can't bring a blanket to help me self-regulate.

And I know there are people who work jobs where this wouldn't even be something to think about 😂 like I know there are manual labor jobs. And there are cultures in which individuality is a cardinal sin in the workplace.

I just know my quality of work is better when I'm allowed to bring who I am to work. If I have to put on a different face, I'm only bringing a part of myself and that's less of a resource than if I were able to bring my whole self.

[autiastic]

Why the fuck do some of my coworkers love to dial with speakerphone on full blast and let it ring and ring and ring for minutes at a time? What is wrong with people

[badolmen]

They don’t even attempt to assassinate US politicians anymore. You notice that? Not since the anthrax scare back for… who was it, Barack? And even that… pathetic. This new generation has no respect for an honest hitman. I’m not sure this new generation has any honest hitman - you see that shit with Boeing? Sloppy, fucking disgraceful - you kill the whistleblowers before they get halfway to a lawsuit. What kind of fucking amateur is doing faked suicides the night before testimony? Goddamn greenhorns. Back in my day someone tried to shoot Ronald Reagan in broad daylight. There used to be bomb threats to Congress. I took out a few union leaders in the utilities sector myself. Today’s generation? Won’t even threaten to throw a punch - not even over on that - what’s it now, ‘X’? They got no guts. None! And they don’t even have poor impulse control to boot! Too much of that - that panopticon anxiety bullshit. “Oh what if I get a called out post???” People used to send the president letters full of bioweapons. In the mail! Today’s generation? Not a chance. All because of woke.

[victusinveritas]

[lureithleon]

this bothers me a lot as someone with a low empathy score:

no, you cannot learn empathy. empathy is when you feel and share the emotions of the other person. your friend is sad? you feel sad.

you can learn to be understanding, and compassionate, and how to react when you don't feel those things, but you cannot learn to experience a sensation that you do not.

[homkamiro]

*heavys voice* entire team is BABIES!!!!!

[beinganautismgirl]

this

This.

THIS.

THIS.

THIS.

This!!!!!!

(also, to everyone getting on my case about not reblogging or reposting, I actually tried to find this Tumblr after I found the post on Pinterest and it doesn't exist anymore, so shut up and get off my back 🙃)

[draconic-absurdism]

The completed POOLROOMS series: THE SYMBOLIC, THE SENSORY, AND THE AUTISTIC

[deecotan]

anyway here's wavewave

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

A Lot of what Society Deems as Negative Personality Traits are Actually Autistic Traits…

Neurodivergent_lou