#aza's character musings

[aza-trash-can]

I got hit with a bittersweet headcanon or two about Satoru (and Suguru, just let me set the stage for them)

Firstly, I imagine Satoru would be insanely smart when it comes to math and physics. It comes with the territory of his technique being to manipulate space and the concept of infinity. So, I like imagining this translates to having some interest in the universe as a whole and outer space, since he can think about concepts I can only have even a fleeting understanding of when it comes to the nature of the universe

So we have Satoru rambling on and on about these stupidly complex physics concepts to Suguru, who doesn't understand half of the words coming out of his mouth, but he's happy to listen to Satoru ramble about something that manages to actually capture his interest. Something that makes him think. Suguru gets lost in the way Satoru's eyes light up not through the activation of his cursed technique, but through fascination and wonder and excitement over what he's talking about

At some point during one of these rambles, Satoru brings up how everything is made of stardust, or if not stardust, then at least the same stuff that can make a star. Off the cuff says that "that kinda makes everything connected, y'know? Well, everything is kinda connected anyways, but that's a way that more people can actually understand and conceptualise." And, being Satoru, he just rambles on and on after that little tidbit. But Suguru clings to it, holds on to the little facts that he can understand because he loves it when Satoru shares these things, and he loves even more when he can bring it up later and watch Satoru's eyes shimmer like a lake reflecting the sun because he bothered to remember something Satoru likes to talk and think about

And one day, later on, when Satoru goes unusually quiet and his gaze is not quite there, when it's just the two of them and he dares to let Suguru peek past the facade of 'the strongest' (one of two, it's still the two of them that make up that whole), when he says "I don't think I'm human," Suguru says

"You're still made of stardust too." And when Satoru doesn't respond right away, he continues. "Even if you think you're not human, you're made of stardust, like everyone, everything, else. You're still connected to everyone."

Nothing more is said when Satoru fights back tears, hidden as they are behind his glasses. No comment is made when he leans against Suguru slowly. They sit in silence as Satoru falls apart and pulls himself back together without so much as a whisper

Afterwards, maybe a few minutes, maybe a few hours, maybe in an entirely new conversation, Suguru floats the idea that they were made from the same star. The iron in their veins still holding the energy of the same supernova, two souls from one bright, shining light, forever connected more intimately to each other than to anything else in the universe. Satoru can't think of a more perfect theory

[vaedar]

◑ What is a side to your muse you want to show off, but haven’t had the chance to yet?

𝐈𝐭'𝐬 𝐌𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐘!

[ Hmmmmm this answer might be similar to the one before, but I'd say that more not so nice side of him, as in how he can be selfish, violent. I have gotten to do little things of him like that on discord RPs but just glimpses really. How if he thinks it's the best way, if he or someone he cares for was wronged, if he wants to make a point, etc. he will not hesitate to resort to blood aka, kill. Vaedar is impulsive and if his anger just overtakes him, it just burns through like fire ( as I've told you that I like to have his character be like ). He can do it without remorse even if he afterwards stops and goes like 'ok maybe it wasn't necessary to go so far' but doesn't he regrets it. If he has to burn down whole towns, he would do it with either a tiny smirk on his face, or just no expression at all. Kind of like over here in this art ( where Azaes is going on a burning rampage on the people that tried to kill him and separate him from his pregnant love there ). But yes, I think that covers it👌🏼 ]

[yuhuangzhou]

*yikes*

because i’m absolute trash i did this whole thing in reverse order...this is my overdue questionnaire!

NAME/ALIAS: aza (i love it when people can only respond to me with my name in all caps it means i’ve done a good job) AGE: 23 but i feel old as time DO YOU HAVE ANY FAVORITE HEIST MOVIES? the thieves! SO MANY of the ocean’s movies (but 8 specifically)! baby driver (love the soundtrack integration!)! dog day afternoon! OH AND ALSO that part in sense8 when they’re breaking certain members of their cluster out from the gov’t holding facility!!! love me some sense8!

y’all...this got super long so i’m putting it under a read more. i’m so, so, sorry...getting real tired of my own shit fr fr

DESCRIBE YOUR CHARACTER’S AESTHETIC:

sweatpants paired with pumps, stupidly cold days where the sun is bright as shit and you’re hot in the direct sun but so cold in the shade as you’re walking with a jacket on, the cold side of a pillow that you’ve flipped over on a hot night, excessive pillows on a bed, sneakily dumping your shot of baijiu, soju, or vodka down a sink or into someone else’s cup or into your own water cup (more on that below!), the kind of smile where your whole face just goes in on it - HARD - like eyes are just CHEESING and it make you feel good when you get one of those directed at you, hair perpetually down and curled or in a low pony (we ain’t showing no back of the neck for free, y’all!), when your ice cream cone breaks at the bottom but there’s the chocolate there to stop the melted cream from trickling out the bottom (coming in clutch)

IF YOU HAD TO COMPARE YOUR CHARACTER TO ANY FICTIONAL CHARACTER, WHO WOULD YOU PICK?

zhiruo falls a bit under the “lovable alpha bitch” stereotype so if any character i’d say among the lines of galinda/glinda from wicked or even a bit of quinn fabray from glee...during the moments where you didn’t absolutely fucking hate quinn fabray and also the writers for butchering her character/personality from season to season but mostly glinda vibes. zhiruo’s got lots of character development incoming - stay tuned!

IF YOU WERE IN THE PRESIDENT’S CLUB, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR SPECIALTY?

honestly maybe the getaway driver...i don’t road rage but when someone’s trying to race me i get really competitive and leave them in the dust but DON’T DO THAT KIDS DRIVE AT THE SPEED LIMIT! otherwise personality-wise probably medic 2!!!

WHAT DREW YOU TO THE PRESIDENT’S CLUB?

love, love, love heist movies! also - the canons were all so well thought out and the skeletons for them so varied and wonderful! plus, seeing the faceclaims and variety of muses and muns is so!!! awesome!!!

LASTLY, SHARE SOME FUN OR INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER

doesn’t drink. not even socially. has somehow gotten by with getting a club soda and a lime at bars and pretending it’s a vodka soda. OR, getting a shot poured for her and dumping it into her water cup and just never drinking from the water or she’ll get a new one. OR dumping it down the sink when everyone’s knocking it back (if they’re in a kitchen/home) or just generally weaseling her way out of it. got SUPER FUCKING sick at like 13 and never got out of her head about it. if you can get her to drink you are SOMETHING else then! has been tipsy/drunk a total of like, four times in her lifetime. good luck if this is your muse’s goal. it’s a worthy one but i’ll be hard!

she does have a stress or social cigarette every now and then though. but she IS that bitch that uses a cigarette holder because she doesn’t want her fingertips to smell, especially if she’s handling precious, priceless art soon after.

fucking l o v e s jewlery. like it’s her achilles heel. heels come a close second though

zhiruo’s not married (clearly) but she wear a big ass teardrop diamond (smth like this) on the ring finger of her left hand. started doing this when she was 27 because people kept asking her about it and now when randos ask she just goes ‘we’re very private but i’m very happy.’ less people ask about it now since her reputation kind of precedes her/that basic info is known among her contracts/contact in her professional life BUT in regards to president’s club...will forget it’s there though - at this point it has no meaning it’s just an accessory she constantly wears. so, let the chaos ensue if your muse is like *eyes emoji* who’s the bae? zhiruo: what credit where credit is due - came up with this while talking to @prdaimu​

hates sandals. hates slides. just doesn’t believe in them. anyone who consistently wears them she’s just *gagging noises* and will refuse to look at them from knee down.

when she’s done with a conversation or completely done with her train of thought she raps her knuckles against the table or any surface she can get a hand on twice

is really insecure about her height (she’s not short, she’s average height....) BUT it’s because her adopted parents are REALLY tall and it’s just become this weird complex even though she doesn’t give shit about anyone else’s height

really has a weird thing for glasses. thinks they’re super cute and attractive

also has a thing for FRAMES. a good frame should compliment an art piece or be virtually unnoticeable. she has many hard opinions on frames so if you want to hear her talk on and on about something she cares about...ask her about the ugly ass frame around the dali piece at the moma in nyc!

[gasoliya]

*air horn noises*

this is a massive post, so if you’d like to see some of the wanted connections i’ve typed out for my girl soliya, please read through the cut!! if your’e interested in any of them, please feel free to like or comment!!

let’s get writing, y’all!!! and come in here and catch this snuggle (and these plots)!

if you want a quick and dirty run-down of soliya, please click here for my intro where i talk a little bit about her past and bio! if you want to read her bio (it’s pretty short!) click here! but if you want both the live action and the replay...read both B^)

a few things to say - i know i have alienated her to a degree since the highest population of muses are in their early to mid 20s, but that’s why i purposefully wrote her as a traveler to offset some of that!! so that this way, at least she’d be able to travel around to the other nations and make meaningful connections with a whole variety of people!

also - these titles are all song titles/lyircs from songs on a playlist i’ve had on repeat for the last few days in quarantine. some are directly applicable feelings/vibe wise, others are just the right feel in the title itself and not necessarily the song lyrics apply to the plot! (wow this feels like krp tumblr in like, 2014). sidenote: i am a very flexible rper, and am comfortable with nsfw themes but PLEASE let me know if you are not! would never want to make any of my partners uncomfortable and PLEASE do not try to push yourself if it’s something you don’t like to/don’t usually incorporate!

LASTLY, i’m 100% down to plot out original connections too! and if you have a plot or role that you think liya might be able to fill for your muse, just let me know! but the below are certain connections i’d love to see for her c’:

now, onwards & upwards!

--

the other side x. (m/f/nb! any age! 2 open!)

for how angsty that title sounds this plot is not angsty at all LMFAO. while traveling with her father i imagine that she’d make some friends that she consistently seeks out whenever they’re in that nation! soliya is pretty relaxed and friendly, especially since that’s the whole point of a diplomatic visit. plus, just traveling to all the different air temples and nations, you naturally make connections! she probably tries to get to know as many people as possible and make as many connections as possible - plus a tour of each place from a local? heck yes! post-black sun, as she’s going through and getting the feel for how each nation is, as a representative of the air nomads and on her father’s behalf, i can imagine she’d be so fucking worried for all of the people she’s met and knows! this also allows us for current plots and past plots!! at the moment, looking for 1 muse for each spot from the other nations to start!

fire nation: open! 

water nation: open! 

earth nation: @zuerga​

way you move x.(m/f/nb! +/- 6 years! 3 open!)

sometimes you just gotta get out excess energy! what better way to do so than a friendly spar? love the idea of our muses passing the time not just with companionship, but with some bending sparring! learning the tricks and the trades of each other’s bending styles, and pushing each other to be even better. there may not be a need per say, to train, but it’s always nice to keep your skills sharp and learn more about each style and person! i think soliya would be fascinated by the other types of bending out there, especially the particular and unique subsets of each, and also by how each person’s own style affects the moves/impact/force! since she’s also on the older side of the spectrum, could definitely see her being a mentor type not just to other airbenders, but also just in tactical elements/critical thinking during spars, etc. post-black sun...there may be a need to spar for the intents of training. but also - check ins on status, health, is there anything that i can do for you?

fire nation: open!

water nation: open! 

earth nation: open!

love me less x. (m/f/nb! younger sibling! open!)

cough, so this requires the making of a muse, and i will put this on a wanted connection ask to the main page maybe like...a few days after i first start but like...this is a big part of liya’s origin story! i go over it here and here, so i won’t make this too long, but yes! i would SO LOVE someone to work this in their bio if they’d like and we can play out the various interactions pre, during, and post the incident. liya holds SO MUCH guilt from the accident and will probably never fully forgive herself, especially as she gets older, as the more mature she gets, the more obvious it is to her how much of a shithead she was as a teen. and even now, in her relationship with her bending and her personal relationships (esp. romantic) she’s guarded to a degree, even almost 15 years later.

I got too much dirt to come clean Closets full of skeletons that you don't wanna see Will you judge me? All my ugly? I won't blame you if you do

me & your ghost x. (m/f/nb! any age! 2 open!)

after the accident with her younger sibling at around age 16/17, she went into a period of self-isolation for about 4 months. 3 of which were spent on air temple island, and one in which she soul searched at the other 4 air temples (nesw). after she comes back home she’s ready to take on her father’s teachers on self-discipline and applying it into her everyday life & demeanor. that probably takes about another 4 months of intensive learning/meditation/isolation, along with traveling to other air temples for training with other airbending masters which comes to a total of 8 months in which she is just MIA. the idea for this plot would probably be that she is significant is some way to your muse - be it a big ass crush, an older-sister figure, a mother figure???, an incredibly strong friendship or any other dynamic, and when she just disappears without notice (i feel like she cycles through all the nations at least once every 2 months or so, stays for at least a few days) your muse is just “what the hell?” primarily a pre-black sun plot for the drama and character development, but that probably also means that by now (almost 15 years!) their relationship is hella strong and they’re very, very, close!

spot one: open!

spot two: open!

good news x. (m/f/nb! +/- 2 years! open!)

emotional support. someone to talk to, to confide in. this is someone, one of the VERY few people (maybe even the only one?) that she would confide in and talk openly about her feelings with, regarding the accident. i imagine this is a - after her 8 months of isolation/soul-searching, they’d meet for the first time, exchange kind of stilted pleasantries, and then just *emotional breakdown* as soon as they hugged. she’s be 17 at the time, so this is someone who would need to be about the same age/maturity to be able to handle it (or not!!! lmfao!!!!) and comfort or just, be there to help her work through it as she wouldn’t want to talk to her family about it - they’re just too close to the situation and their reassurances always feel a bit fake (to her).

similar to the above! primarily a pre-black sun plot for the angst and drama and character development, buy they’re super fucking close by now (or do they have a fallout???) so whatever we decide, it’ll affect what their relationship is like post-black sun!

I spent the whole day in my head Do a little spring cleaning, I'm always too busy dreaming Well, maybe I should wake up instead, A lot of things I regret, but I just say I forget Why can't it just be easy? Why does everybody need me to stay? [...] Well, so tired of being so tired Why I gotta build something beautiful just to go set it on fire? I'm no liar, but sometimes the truth don't sound like the truth [...]  Good news, good news, good news That's all they wanna hear No, they don't like it when I'm down

roxanne x. (m/f/nb! +/- 3 years! open!)

the general gist of this plot is like...liya, in her head: man, fuck this asshole!

it’s that person that just gets under your fucking skin for some goddamn reason. be it completely different values, incompatible personalities (which is some a1 shit cause she usually gets along with most), or they’re just flat out hostile...something makes it almost impossible to stay calm around this person. they just dig at her finely shaped walls, and though she’s spent YEARS cultivating her self control and discipline, this person always gets her so close to breaking it and having her lash out (aka returning back to her younger days), but she’s not going to let them get the best of her (right?)

post-black sun...honestly i have no idea LOL. this would probably just have to be worked out in more detail with whomever takes this plot! as the undercurrents of why they don’t get along can be attributed to many different things (pure unadulterated hatred? simple annoyance? hate chemistry?), which would then affect how they are/interact after black sun!

Goddamn, Roxanne Never gonna love me but it's alright She think I'm an asshole She think I'm a player

--

alright let’s make a right at this stoplight into sad bitch hours! beep, beep, we’ve arrived! (i’ve been listening to a lot of sad ballads don’t mind me)

details: i’d always imagined that liya’s had 3 significant heartbreaks/relationships in her life. why three? because it’s a magic number and there are 3 main sad songs that have been in rotation on my spotify!

when we were young x. (m/f/nb! +/- 1-2 years! open!)

*krp writer voice* childhood sweethearts...*aza voice* but with a twist it doesn’t have to be requited if you don’t want it to be! i’m totally down for the longing childhood sweetheart/crush dynamic but if that’s something you’re interested in! i’m down for liya to be the one with the fat ass crush or it can be your muse too! but at some point i imagine they do go it a try, but it does end cause they’re...young and dumb (lol). but it’s your ‘i didn’t want to lose you as a friend, no romantic relationship is worth losing you forever’ dynamic but they’re already past that point!!! but is it of no return? especially with recent events? they obviously care for each other very deeply still, and i imagine that they still keep in good contact, and now that they’re older it’s easier to brush off/get over, but did all of those feelings fade completely? who knows! you decide (pre-black sun)! post black-sun...hold the ones your love a little tighter.

Everybody loves the things you do From the way you talk to the way you move Everybody here is watching you Because you feel like home You're like a dream come true

all i want x. (m/f/nb! +/- 4 years! closed!)

CLOSED: @ddmaiga​ unrequited in a way (?)!!! i don’t have hard opinions on who is who, but they fall into a relationship naturally (probably either instant chemistry, same interests, shared spaces, same opinions, yanno, the way young adults fall in love). but one of them keeps holding back because yanno!!! they’re BARELY young adults (think 19-23)!!! and while one is ready to deep dive, the other one gets cold feet and things end...not badly (but it could if you want it to!) but things just aren’t the same. it’s not a BAD breakup but it’s one that’s never really resolved because neither was willing to completely hear the other person out, and seet things from their perspective. it felt like neither was willing to meet the other halfway *sad violin music* so it’s a breakup with lots of loose ends! even better if we can make up situation in which they HAVE to interact and it’s awkward as hell (pre-black sun)! post-black sun...cue situation in which they have to interact probably LOL

And there's one more boy, he's from my past We fell in love but it didn't last 'Cause the second I figure it out he pushes me away And I won't fight for love if you won't meet me halfway

bruises x. (m/f/nb! +/- 3 years! closed!)

CLOSED: @gataash​ i’m gonna keep this one a bit shorter and only give the gist, as i’d really love to flesh out this plot via...well, plotting! essentially, they/she fell really deeply in love (i’m thinking she’s like, 26-28 during this), as in - ‘i may actually end up marrying this person’ kind of deep. they’re not co-dependent by any means, but they’re attached at the hip whenever they’re near each other, and i think this would probably be a relationship that’s REALLY steady for at least like, 3+ years, but whatever the exact reason, something comes up and it’s related to her incident when she hurt her younger sibling as she’s naturally incredibly guarded about this (i mean hey, she went into a self-isolating state and didn’t airbend for about 4 months after it happened). they fight, she tries to keep calm, ends up losing a bit of that control, and VERY VERY MILDLY injures the s/o, but due to the precedence and the guilt and lasting trauma from all those years ago, she breaks down, ends it, and runs away (aye) and plays the avoidance game for as long as she can manage.

post-black sun...there’s no way they’re not going to reach out to each other, just to make sure they’re okay. (wow this wasn’t that much shorter...darn it, self...)

I've been holding on to hope That you'll come back when you can find some peace 'Cause every word that I've heard spoken Since you left feels like a hollow street [...] There must be something in the water 'Cause everyday it's getting colder And if only I could hold ya You'd keep my head from going under

[twentysixdegrees]

i’m single and ready to rp mingle!

alias: azalea, aza  18+/-: 18+ links: about me things & muse library about: i’m rusty. so rusty. please be gentle with me. anyone that has written with me before knows that i’m really flexible with plots and characters and dynamics so let’s get this going! plots: classical/modern OR remixed royals au (with THIS post in mind), crime/mafia aus, moulin rouge (movie or musica) inspired au, percy jackson au, pining exes that aren’t over each other but try to pretend they are OR “we can definitely do the ‘just friends’ thing!!!!,” anything on THIS dynamics page, “the boys” au or any other type of superhero au, modern fantasy, among lots of others!!! it’s me(me): always current jam: don’t make fun of me but “chillin’ like a villain” from disney’s descendants. my roommate put it on as a joke and it’s actually so catchy that i’m still upset about it tag yourself!writing edition: oh god, it’s “help me” for sure

[frvddiemercury]

glee rps...... remember glee rps

[spookyspiritkxng]

TAGGED BY: @siiinuously TAGGING: @midnight-duchess @grimxlkin @errantscriptor @mad-eggs-onthewall @stylish-alastor

ONE ( ALIAS / NAME ):   Milo / Professor Bagworm TWO ( BIRTHDAY ):   may 7th THREE ( ZODIAC SIGN ): Taurus FOUR ( HEIGHT ):   5′8″ FIVE ( HOBBIES ):   LARP, writing, video games, sewing  SIX ( FAVOURITE COLOUR(S) ): Blues, Blacks, and Purples SEVEN ( FAVOURITE BOOKS ): Right now probably song of achilles EIGHT ( LAST SONG LISTENED TO: )   It was either forever and always by parachute or penny for a tale from devils carnival NINE ( LAST FILM WATCHED ):   Venom TEN ( INSPIRATION FOR MUSE ): Blue Exorcist obviously, but also just like music and snippets and pieces from other characters ive written in the past that i dont use anymore ELEVEN ( MEANING BEHIND YOUR URL ): Well originally Aza’s blog was azazelkingofspirits, but I changed it to spookyspiritking for halloween (bc of spooky scary skeletons) and i just fell in love with that. It has the x now bc tumblr said that just spookyspiritking was taken (even tho it totally wasn’t when i tried to make this blog but w/e) 

[kivaember]

could you answer all the character flaw questions? i just -clenches fist- love aza

ahdjaa oh goodness, I’m glad you like him that much…!!!!! okie i will answer the character flaw questions remaining, though they’ll be under the cut because they’re so long… 

Thanks for this, I really enjoyed writing these out ;;w;; 

🙊what would my muse say their biggest flaw is?

Aza tends to be very aware of his shortcomings, albeit in a very self-deprecating manner, so he would say his biggest flaw is his fear. His fear of everything. He gets frightened very easily, but he covers it up with a mean poker face or aggression, depending on the situation, and it does mean sometimes he tends to lash out or be overly harsh without meaning to. He hates being so fearful, so it’s a flaw he utterly despises within himself. 

⧱ what really is my muse’s biggest flaw?

Being eager to please. This is linked to his fear, so Aza has the right of it that it is his biggest flaw, but his desire to be likeable and useful to those he deems his friends and family, as well as being fearful that he’ll be left behind if he isn’t likeable or useful, means he neglects his own health, mental or physical, at times. 

With Bluebird, Atani and Aruci, it’s not as bad, because they see through that shit and make sure he doesn’t say ‘yes’ just to keep them happy (and, because, deep down, he’s fearful of being ‘too troublesome’ and being tossed out, a fear that he knows is irrational but one he has anyways). With the Scions in ARR, he had it BAD, trying to twist and cram himself into the role of Warrior of Light, to the extreme detriment of his own comfort and happiness, just so he measured up to these expectations that the Scions were beginning to have in him. Things are better with the Scions since SB, but yeah, if he likes someone, or wants to be liked by someone, he almost becomes a doormat. He’s gotten better since SB though. 

🤳name three physical imperfections my muse has (birthmarks, gray hairs, muscular definition, etc).

1. Heavy scarring all over his body. They’re stark, thick and pull across each other from time to time, and Aza thinks they look a little ugly, but also gets a dark thrill at ‘ruining’ the ‘beautiful body’ he was coveted for in his earlier years. With his body so scarred, he feels no one would want him like that ever again, which is a comfort…

2. His hair is beginning to prematurely grey, much to Aza’s dismay. So at the moment he has grey streaks in his hair, which are very obvious, and he can’t stop it at all. He hates visible signs of his age. 

3.  Poor joints and bone health. His childhood, with its rough living and malnutrition, coupled with the stress of living under Master Musa, then growing up on the Steppes and moving into mercenary life in his 20s, mean his body is just fucked. This is linked to the scarring, but Aza does have early onset of osteoarthritis as well as cartilage degradation that White Magic just can’t cure. His body is just close to done, and it’s highly likely that he will end up retiring from fighting in his forties, unless he wants to permanently cripple himself for good. 

🙈what’s my muse’s biggest blind spot?

Bluebird. Holy crap Bluebird is his biggest blindspot ever. Even though he’s aware Bluebird can be a massive asshole, especially to him and his friends, he fucking loves the hell out of her and thinks she can do no real wrong. Be petty and annoying, maybe, but not any real wrong. It does mean he can kind of be swept up in her energetic wake, and get dragged into stressful situations because of it…

😰when my muse is stressed, how do they act out?

 As mentioned above, he tends to get aggressive if he’s stressed out or scared. He finds comfort in projecting a show of strength and viciousness, and especially if that gives him space, because when he’s stressed he hates being crowded or fussed over even more. However, he knows that snapping at his loved ones is a bad habit to get into, so he tends to isolate himself and wallow for a while. He used to also drink himself into oblivion, but Aymeric put his foot down on that, so now he tends to wander to the closest Chocobo stables to let the birds calm him down, or do something with his hands like crafting or repairing his gear, or something. 

💚what does my muse get envious over?

People having their shit together, or carefree lives. Like, he’s so fucking jealous of Bluebird being so confident and fearless, and it burns him so bad that he’s still this frightened, jumpy little boy that he never really grew up from. He wants to be confident without an edge of terror of failing dogging his steps, he wants to be fearless just because it seemed so stress-free… so yeah, he gets jealous of that really badly. 

🚫what is one thing my muse wouldn’t want someone else to know about them?

His past. Holy fuck his past. It took over a year for Aymeric to learn about Aza’s past, and even then he doesn’t have hard details and Aza had been forced to tell him because of exceptional circumstances. The Scions? No. Nope. He’d sooner die than tell them. He has intense shame over what happened with Master Musa, as well as his hand in his sister’s death (that he still remembers unreliably…), and he’s terrified that if they know, they’d think him lesser, or deficient in some way… or pity him. 

If he could, he’d carve out that past from his history and burn it into nothing. But sadly, he’s gotta carry it, and only a scant handful of people that he can count on one hand, know about his past. Which he’ll keep that way, thank you very much. 

✍️does my muse have a learning disability?

Not a disability as such, but he does have a mental block when it comes to writing because of his past experiences. He struggles to write, and while he’s bullied himself into being able to scrawl very messy, short and poorly spelled words, he’s barely as literate as a young child. He finds this incredibly embarrassing, so he tends to go through convoluted ways to make sure he never gets shoved into a situation where he needs to write. 

🎒what was my muse’s worst subject in school?

He never went to school, which… is probably why he’s so academically apathetic about things. 

🙅‍♂️what does my muse feel insecure about?

EVERYTHING, practically. He’s insecure about his position in his relationship with Aymeric (”am I too troublesome? too high-maintenance? I can never do most of the things he wants me to do, my body is scarred and ugly, am I just chaining him down, etc, etc”), he’s insecure at his ability to live up to the expectations of Warrior of Light (”what if I fail? what if someone else I love dies? what if, what if, what if…”) and he’s insecure at just… being able to live. 

Like, all he’s wanted is to achieve happiness, feel secure and safe and be strong. But with everything happening in ffxiv, he sometimes feels he’s constantly backing off from that goal…

👾what was my muse’s childhood bogeyman?

MASTER. FUCKING. MUSA.

Even nearing his forties, with a good two and a half decades put between him and his experiences with the man, even mentioning or remembering him makes him break out into a nervous sweat. It’s why he hates Kugane, and Doma to a smaller degree. Everything there reminds him of Master Musa, and it makes him sick to his stomach and constantly teetering on the edge of terror and anxiety. 

He keeps thinking, even now, he’ll pop out from the shadows and be there. Even though Aza is old enough and strong enough to snap him over his knee, and even killed him himself before, the fear is still there. He still features in a lot of Aza’s nightmares, even now…

[sazandorable]

so im gonna do that AAW meme thing! cw: tmi about aza’s thrilling life, some cringey or vaguely depressing/upsetting anecdotes, some happy things in a silly way, and fandom

1.      Sunday, 21 October:

o   Describe your experience of finding out about asexuality/the ace spectrum.  What source(s) did you find it from? How did it feel to find out about asexuality? How did it change your life?

~Sherlock BBC fandom~! /o/ Yeaaaaah.

To be precise, the kink meme, on livejournal. just a random prompt asking for something exploring the arrangement between asexual sherlock and uhhh probably john but tbh i don’t remember that. maybe Irene. I’m almost sure this was right after the Scandal in Belgravia episode had aired, and that episode was why people were playing with the idea of Sherlock being uninterested in sex.

I don’t remember my exact feelings when I read that word, but I do remember that I was delighted at the concept (+ the discussion in the same episode about falling in love outside of your sexual orientation) and immediately convinced, that I jumped into researching asexuality, and that barely a few weeks later I was very deep in contemplating and musing about my own levels of attraction and sorting out all that stuff. I do think I just instantly realized this concept applied to me; I found the AVEN site and its definitions very fast, and grey-a felt good instantly. (I found demi later, and it took me a bit longer to claim it for myself, though I don’t remember much details about that.)

Like, years later I’m very much bitter about and Over™ Sherlock BBC, its writers, and that episode in particular and their stance on the sexualities and orientations of all their characters, but... it did bring me something very precious, that it would have taken me years to find out about otherwise.

It did change my life in that this is when I realized that I really, really, really didn’t have to date, have sex, marry or whatever “one day” if I never wanted to and I wasn’t “late” on anything. Took off a lot of pressure, and also made me stop trying to dub-con myself into accepting things I didn’t actively want just because I didn’t actively hate them.

2.      Monday, 22 October:

o   Talk about your coming out experience.  Of course, one many never be finished coming out, but you could describe how you came out to friends, what reactions you have gotten, how you have felt by coming out, and more.

Mm, two:

not quite coming out, and I don’t remember how it came up, but I mentioned “ok but what about asexuality” at my mother, perhaps a year or two after finding out about it, and she just scoffed and said “that’s not a thing, it’s just being scared of sex,” and I just... froze. Blanked out. Zoned out. Possibly shook a little. This was my first first-hand experience of being just... disacknowledged, erased, denied out of existence, and I had absolutely not expected it, nor the violence of it, nor the casual quality of that violence. I couldn’t say anything in reply, and I don’t think my mother noticed anything at all.

on another hand, I once explained to a gay male friend of mine that, well, I don’t call myself a lesbian, I like girls but I don’t call my super-duper-precious-friend my girlfriend, we are extremely close but we don’t have sex or really date, I’m asexual; and his reaction was “?? THAT’S SO COOL. That fits you! I’m glad for you that you can just do whatever works for you without following conventions about relationships! Cool, great!” and that just made my day.

3.      Tuesday, 23 October:

o   Describe your experience of confronting stereotypes.  There are many stereotypes or expectations of what being on the ace spectrum is like, but of course aspec people are just as diverse as any other group.  How have you defied or corrected these stereotypes?

uuhhhhh

Mostly this happens when I talk about asexuality with people who are questioning themselves, explaining the many different flavors it can come in, that yeah you can be asexual at the same time as enjoying sex, masturbating, having fantasies, wanting to date, etc. Not so much smashing established stereotypes, more confirming that nop this thing that you think would “disqualify” you from being asexual doesn’t, actually, you still might be, you’re not “fake”.

4.      Wednesday, 24 October:

o   Talk about positive representation of aspec people in media which has benefited you or speaks to you strongly.  Aspec people are not often represented in media, so it will be nice to see which representations have the strongest impacts.

*STANDS UP, VIBRATING*

TWENTYACETEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

This year I got two cases of explicit, confirmed, canon, accurate and nuanced representation with central characters in two series that were already extremely close to my heart, and I’m so happy about it!!!!

Spoilers for both fandoms!

1) Shimanami Tasogare: a recently finished manga about LGBT community. In one of the last arcs, we learn that the very central yet mysterious character Anonymous (Dareka-san) is asexual. Like, the character says it, in full letters, and it’s discussed a lot.

Well, it’s more complicated than that, because it’s set in Japan and written in Japanese and Japan has different approaches, concepts and vocabulary around asexuality than English-language; what Anonymous initially describes might be closer to what English-language would call aromanticism. But they also later go “Am I interested in sex, or not? Who knows :)”, with their potential interest in sex represented with them reading porn magazines, and they’ve already expressed that they’re not interested in dating, so as it happens they’re probably both aro and ace (in English terms) anyway. (In the same sequence, they also explain that they might be male, or female, and generally aren’t overly concerned with how people think of them, anything works for them.)

This brings the other characters to think some more about their own desires for love, sex, relationships, human contact... There is a beautiful scene where the main character thinks that knowing this lets him finally understand Anonymous, that this must be why they are so mysterious and detached and fleeting — and Anonymous tells him point-blank that nah. They’re not just their asexuality. Don’t reduce them to that. They’re not “anonymous” because they’re asexual, and vice-versa — those are just two incidental parts of who they are. They are a full person, who just happens to be asexual, and also to enjoy being anonymous and unknown and find freedom in living their life this way.

It was just incredible to read entire chapters dedicated to a central character talking at length about their asexuality, and also how they relate, not only to straight people, but also to queer non-ace people. In the end the main character still doesn’t quite get Anonymous, and that’s how they like it.

2) The Magnus Archives: an ongoing horror podcast that’s casually LGBTQIA-friendly. (Like, a lot of horrible stuff does happen to queer people, but that’s because there’s a lot of them, and I do think that statistically more of them survive than straight people. Equal opportunity horror.) I had been toying with headcanoning the main character Jon as asexual for a variety of reasons for a while, and then in an episode that aired a few months ago a character casually mentioned that “apparently [he] just... doesn’t. At all.” Asked to elaborate, the writer confirmed on twitter that yup, he’s written as asexual (though who knows if Jon would use that word himself, he doesn’t really think about it).

I’m especially delighted because this came up, in context, because Jon has dated. At least once. We know his ex, and she is super chill with him. This reveal also comes up in the same breath as the reveal that a male character seems to have a crush on him, and IMO the show seems to hint that said character is aware that Jon doesn’t do sex, and doesn’t/wouldn’t mind this if they were to date.

Jon did start out as the usual cold, rational, unempathetic character archetype (in fact, he’s very reminiscent of BBC’s Sherlock in early episodes), but by the time this line comes up, the listener knows that he actually cares a lot and is full of emotions. He’s shown to be very, very protective of the people close to him — though also very bad at it. And at expressing it. But, still around the same time of the ace reveal, he is making deliberate efforts to communicate more and value everyone’s feelings. And of course, being the central character, he’s a veeeeery developed character with tons of evolution and nuances, and a huge fandom fave. The reveal that’s he’s asexual has changed exactly nothing in the show; but, like I said, it fits him, he read as asexual to the point that I was suspecting it despite zero real textual evidence until then.

When this episode came out and I heard that line (... I actually had missed it on first listen), I was at work, and I just started almost crying at my desk.

And then I got to go around yelling about it at my fandom friends.

... And at my non-fandom friends.

[shuicheese]

tagged by: @hasikon [Thankie~] tagging: [You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to of course!] @empress-of-silhouettes01 , @puddingskitty , @the-heretic-zorinblitz , @darkshadowsnake

currently playing:

Zerum [greedy-guardian]

Kiwi [LuckyBirdy]

have played / might bring back (bolded are the ones I would bring back):

All of the FNaF characters, from the first 3 games. [I specifically would RP as Springtrap again though maybe]

Rip Van Winkle [Hellsing Ultimate]

Luke Valentine [Hellsing Ultimate]

Chihiro Fujisaki [Dangan Ronpa]

The Batter [OFF]

Japhet [OFF] 

Okosan [Hatoful Boyfriend]

Kazuaki Nanaki [Hatoful Boyfriend]

Notepad [DHMIS]

Pinkie Pie [MLP:FIM]

Some OC’s. [Charlotte, Abaddon, and..hmm..I don’t really remember-]

want to play:

Aza [My OC]

Onodera Punpun [Goodnight Punpun]

Shuu Iwamine [Hatoful Boyfriend]

Angie Yonaga [NDRV3]

Kokichi Ouma [NDRV3]

Celeste [Animal Crossing]

Max Brass [ARMS]

Dedan [OFF]

[aza-trash-can]

I'm seeing a real missed opportunity in fanfic with Neuvillette

"His eyes shimmered like the primordial sea."

Like, I can't be the only one who thinks his eyes match it, right? Right??

[michaelsdumbtattoo]

I was tagged by my lovie peach @singledadharrington​ (Thank you!) 

Rules: Tag 9 people with excellent taste

Colour(s) I’m currently wearing: lots of black and white and a little bit of green on my sweater (Also peach colored eyeshadow that got on my sweater oops)

Last band t-shirt I bought: On black friday I went fucking insane it was bad, it was either a Paramore one or a The Cure one both from Hot Topic, or perhaps a Waterparks one from their merch site who knows at this point

Last band I saw live: I went to see Green Day with my mom on August 26th and let me tell you it was one of the greatest shows I’ve ever seen, 10/10 recommend if you ever get the opportunity 

Last song I listened to: Plug In Baby - Muse because it’s a Muse kinda night

Lipstick or chapstick: Chapstick because my lips are too chapped to wear lipstick, also I’m not secure enough to wear lipstick I don't think

Last movie I watched: Frosty The Snowman because tomorrow is Christmas 1st if you haven’t gotten the memo

Last 3 tv shows I watched: The Walking Dead (Iconic) The Office (Classic) and I’ve been trying to catch up on Stranger Things but I have exactly zero free time nowadays and I hate it

Last 3 characters I identified with: Hm, I suppose Aza from John Green’s new book Turtles All The Way Down (I love it so far) and I... Can’t really think of many others?I’m sorry

Book I’m currently reading: I’m almost done with Turtles All The Way Down and damn it’s so good

*I tag anyone who would like to! just tag me so I don’t miss it

[dorkindustri]

Before I head to bed, I’m gonna real quick explain what’s happened in the past couple of weeks, as I’ve been doing a lot of offscreen RPing on Discord. So:

Tohketsu, Noroi, Zaptune, Aurelia, Terra, and Naneru have all joined The Gang(tm). (Nowa #2 has as well, but you probably already figured that out. And yes, this makes more than half of my muses Gang(tm) members.)

Zinyak got killed multiple times.

With the help of The Gang(tm), Aza was ‘regenerated’, getting a non-falling-apart body by way of fixed DNA!

Aza adopted a Chara as a little sibling. (Hilariously, this makes Noroi and Tohketsu sisters as well, AND Nowa and Zaptune moms for them... IN ADDITION to Homukami, who adopted them as well. Their family went from nonexistent to MASSIVE in the span of hours. And that’s barely scratching the surface.)

Other character development happened! Astraea has a body now, by the way.

Naneru had an ASSLOAD of development, including a reveal of a massive volume of scars (hidden by the fact that she has all skin beneath her neck covered pretty much all the time), some REAL backstory (the stuff presently on her page is actually basically what she ‘made up’ to hide her shame over what ACTUALLY happened. Long story short, survivor’s guilt), and (mostly) got over her shitty past.

She also got a girlfriend in the form of Sandwich’s CF. They make things explode together.

Hugs.

Terra potted a Flowey.

I’m running out of things to list here.

...I think that covers it. If I missed anything, I’ll probably add it later-

[a-kingsglaive-hero-blog]

A character you remind me of- .... is this the part where I make the funny joke and say you're Aza? Hahaha kidding, kidding, I think you're a mix of Tifa (I know how appropriate), and a sarcastic Hawke.

OMFG!!! I WOULD EAT YOU IF YOU SAID Azazel Ray Hellsing! That hoebag… my precious horny son that’s so misguided…..

I digress, haha *cabbage patch dances* I can dig it, I can swing Hawke very well. 

…ah, Tifa? Maybe? I mean it’s not like I haven’t rp’d her for over a decade and a half. I just lost touch with that series, but yeah VII will always be my true love. And Tifa has been an on again-off again muse for nearly 17 years. SEVEN FUCKING TEEN! That’s crazy right? Especially considering these kids that follow me are probably not even that old. *finger guns at all my kiddies* 

But thank you *blows several kisses* I knew you’d send me an ask cuz you always got my back

[frvddiemercury]

other than my s*ns aza and grey i cant think of any other ships that i truly adored

[kivaember]

I want our characters to have a heart to heart talk about the family they have, had, and the one that they're growing. Also I kinda of want to see how Aza would react to some of the events surrounding her. (you know who I am :3c)

oh noooo im so bad at anon guessing thooooo! D: 

but man, i am always up for muses talking about their families - especially found families! They are my weakspot. I just. frhcha. love stories. about. people making families. just. good shit. such good shit. 

like, romantic bonds aren’t more important than family/platonic bonds, imo. they’re just as important! they just satisfy different emotional/mental needs (then again i also love ships where lovers are also good friends bc that is good shit too). 

just. family. yes. good. i approve.