#azriel shadow singer x reader angst

[ellievickstar]

His Second Choice?

A/N: So my first ever fic was Azriel angst…thus, this. I have curated what I consider to be the worst thing of all time, being someone’s second choice, especially if you are their soulmate.

Summary: When then mating bond finally snaps into place, what are you meant to do when you realise your mate has another in his heart, will you break it off to save yourself, or will your mate be able to save this heartbreak?

Request: N/A

Pairing: Azriel x Witch!Reader, Azriel x Elain, Nessian, Feysand.

Warnings: Angst. Tears. Mentions of witchcraft. Elain Slander. Being someone’s second option. (If you are in a similar situation, BREAK IT OFF. He or she is not worth it), Azriel being incredibly stupid. Elain slander. Thanks to @azrielhours for helping me come up with the idea! I also added my own take of the Hanahaki Disease with Azzy. Hope you enjoy, love you babes <3

My Masterlists & Rules

~*~*~*~*~

You walked down the hall, and noticed that there was a slight bounce in your step, smiling as you recalled the reason why. Today was finally the day, after weeks of going on countless missions for Rhys, Azriel could finally have dinner with you as usual, and just in time to. Today you were celebrating finally being able to finish the last book of your series, quite popular now, no doubt thanks to Feyre's connections to a famous publisher, which allowed the series to get the exposure it needed. (A/N: Is this how publishing books work? Someone please educate me)

Thanks to the help of Mor and Nesta's fashionable taste in dresses, they had picked out a wonderful dress. It was a dark navy blue, azriel's favourite colour, which faded into white with golden accents. The sleeves were off the shoulder, lined with flowers sewn and embroidered into the top. You were in absolute awe when you saw it and had tried it on immediately, thankfully it fit you well, and you wished the two females well before heading to bottom of the stairs to the House of Wind, where Azriel agreed to pick you up.

You wondered what he'd think as you fidgeted with the layers of your dress, occasionally summoning spells to pass time. During the first hour, you just played with your magic, bored. During the second hour, you begun to worry that he might have been injured during the mission. During the third, you were ready to summon Rhys

That's when Cassian and Nesta came across you and asked you why you weren't with Azriel and you made a painful realisation.

You had stood there, waiting like a fool. Thinking that maybe, your mate would still care enough to at least show up if he was tired from his mission. Stood there, until Nesta and Cassian came across you, Nesta demanding to know where Azriel was, Cassian puzzled as he claimed Azriel had come home hours before. And that's when you knew he had forgotten. And it hurt.

You shouldn't have been upset. After all, he could have been so tired and just landed in bed immediately, he could have been flooded with paperwork for the mission. Cassian offered to bring you to the House of Wind but y ou waved him off, telling him to enjoy the rest of his night with Nesta and not to worry about you.

You couldn't winnow. But you could do something else. After ensuring that no one could see you, you waved a hand in the air. Drawing precise shapes from memory. A light glowed in your hand, slowly swallowing your arm, then the rest of you. And when you closed your eyes because of how bright it was you felt the atmosphere shift. And with your fingers crossed you opened one eye, then the other, to see yourself standing in the living room of the House of Wind.

Witchcraft.

You had grown up as a witch, travelling across Prythian with your family and friends. That was before Amarantha's rule, before...everything. Before you witnessed you family slaughtered. Before you mustered up so much power you shouldn't even be alive. Before your friends needed to go into hiding. Before everyone thought witches were evil. And it wasn't just you. Bryaxis, was something of an old friend. You were no stranger to the weaver, the bone carver or the suriel. They had all been...friends. And such association with had had cause your kind to be deemed evil.

So you hid your power, you hid your identity. The only people you ever told was the inner circle, save Feyre's two sisters. You weren't comfortable with sharing it with new people, and everyone understood. You had told Nesta vague details, but tears had begun to form in your eyes and she embraced you, telling you that it was alright if you didn't wish to speak of it yet.

The memory made you smile. But once you remembered the situation at hand, it turned into a frown. Reaching out to that mating bond, you grasped it, but there was nothing on the pother side. Though Azriel was your lover, he hadn't experienced the bond for himself yet. You would wait for it to click for him, you didn't want to rush him.

Laughter caught your attention, and the distinct sound of your mate made you freeze as you faced the balcony. There they were. It was clear as day as your mate entered the House of Wind with Elain. Elain. You'd known that they had grown closer, but to leave you with no explanation and spend time with someone else. You blanched.

Azriel's eyes found yours and as they trailed down to your dress, the colour drained from his face. He truly had forgotten. Not for any rhyme or reason but because he was busy with someone else. Your vision began to blur, but you swallowed as you asked him one thing.

"Why?" It was so soft, you couldn't recognise your own voice. But Azriel flinched. You searched for an answer in his eyes but found none as he looked away. You begged him silently for a good reason, a good answer, anything but-

"I guess I just forgot, and she needed me for something important," It was as if he had slapped you. Turning away, tears streamed down your face, and with a wave of your hand a blinding light flashed and you were gone. Azriel left on his knees as he had tried to grab you, to convince you to stay, to let him make up for what he had forgotten, but never once thought about what he had just said, what he had just implied.

~*~*~*~*~

"He didn't!" Mor gasped. You nodded sadly and Nesta huffed as she sat back in her chair. Feyre was quiet as she stirred her tea. You couldn't imagine how they both felt. On one hand, Elain was their sister, but to even attempt on a man who already had a lover was beyond both of them. Feyre shook her head, in disbelief and disappointment. She exchanged looks with Nesta and cleared her throat.

"Perhaps, we sheltered Elain all her life, but it is no excuse for what she is doing, whether she realises it or not. I will speak to her about the issue at hand, but don't worry, I won't tell her about the bond," You smiled gratefully at the high lady and she excused herself to go to the bathroom. You couldn't help but be envious of the relationship she had. Though you would never want to date the High Lord, you wished that Azriel would care for you as much as Rhys did Feyre.

Sighing, you set your cup down, ready to leave for a meeting with Bryaxus - who was more than overjoyed when you begun to regularly visit him - and then you felt it, it was like your heart was being ripped out of you as you gasped, heaving, coughing. Mor sat up, alarmed, and Nesta moved to hold your back, soothing you. You hacked and watched in horror as blood and what looked like the petals of a flower came spewing out of your mouth.

You knew this disease.

You knew what it would do.

You knew what needed to be done.

"Get Madja," You coughed out to Mor, "Now! I need her now!" Raising your voice, you began to cough up more petals and more blood. Mor instantly winnowed out and was back within a few minutes, Madja hot on her heels as she rushed towards you. Your mind spun as you processed everything. Not this, anything but this, please.

After your coughing fit that scared the wits out of Mor and Nesta, you explained the disease to them. Madja nodded at your every word as she inspected the kind of flowers that you had coughed up.

Red Tulips. Soulmates.

Marigolds. Hurt.

Daffodils. Unrequited Love.

You cursed under your breath. Feyre had just returned and was quickly filled in on the situation. She paled as she took in the flowers, their meanings. Hours of listening to what Elain said flowers represented and now Feyre wish she had forgotten all of it. You started heaving again and Madja made you lean forward as you coughed up more petals into a paper bag.

Unbridled pain roared through the veins of your body as it began to come in paves. Whimpering, you brought your knees to your chest, but the coughing didn't stop. You were in near tears. How could you let this happen? Years of hearing about this disease and you were now victim to it. You couldn't help that your mate was in love with another, but why was this so much worse than the stories? You had seen the events of the disease transpire and it was no where near as bad-

"It's because you and Azriel are mates. In other cases, this only happens between two lovers...never mates. Mates usually have an instant connection, so it's very rare for one half to love another person entirely," Feyre explained. Nesta muttered something about how Tamlin should have gotten this cursed disease, but Feyre then explained that there was a difference between 'love' and 'obsession'. This couldn't be happening. You groaned into your palms, maybe you should go to the bathroom, lest the next thing you know you can't move.

Standing up, you took one step, then another, your vision bagan to tunnel, and you turned back to the sofa. You had to at least get back to a lying down position, but before you could, darkness hugged you like a warm, welcoming blanket.

~*~*~*~*~

Mor yelped as she rushed to keep Y/N from falling. Feyre immediately reaching out to Rhys to get everyone to go to the House of Wind immediately. It was an emergency. Rhys was there with Lucien in a heartbeat. For a second, Mor wondered where Azriel was, when booming beats of wings could be heard. Cassian rushing in, letting out a sigh of relief as he spied that Nesta was safe, Azriel with Elain in his arms entering soon after as he set her down.

Feyre, Mor and Nesta all scowled at the Shadow singer, assuming that it was because of Y/N he nodded at them apologetically. Which in turn made them all exchange enraged looks, Feyre making a mental note to tell Rhys to cut Azriel's hefty salary by at least half. Still a sizeable portion, but maybe he's start thinking about the consequences to his actions.

"We're here because of Y/N," Mor started and Elain scoffed. Feyre and Nesta were taken aback by the rude behaviour. Having enough of so many problems, Nesta spoke up. "Is there a problem, Elain?" Elain rolled her eyes and picked at her nails.

"Y/N is just jealous that Azriel decided that he didn't want to be with her anymore. Besides, there are so many other males for her, why those she have to target Azriel?" Nesta gritted her teeth, ready to yell at her ignorant sister, but decided against it as Mor began to speak.

"Y/N has contracted something called Hanahaki Disease, a disease cause my unrequited love towards another," This made Elain snort, but Mor continued, ignoring her, "Usually there would be time to try several cures, but in this case, it's..." More trailed off, unable to find the words, unable to utter the thing that would confirm her own fears. Feyre continued for her.

"She's dying. Fast. Madja says we have a day at best, hours at worse," The words were almost unheard, Cassian stared at Nesta, the devastation on her face, he glanced to Azriel, the bastard's face remained impassive, but as he reached to his mind, absolute chaos. Pain. Suffering.

Azriel felt paralysed when he heard the words. He might never be able to make up for the mistake he made. The hurt he caused his lover. But, something made him stop.

"You said usually, there would be more time. What's the difference in this case?" The question made Feyre pause. She glanced at her sister and friend but they both looked unsure. Should they tell him? They had sworn not to tell anyone but in a situation like this...

"You are her mate," Nesta softly muttered. So soft, that if it wasn't for everyone's Fae hearing, they would have passed it off as the wind. Elain gasped ion anger, and Azriel fell to his knees. No. It can't be. He mustn't have heard it right. His mate? But as he reached into his soul, he grasped the at the foreign golden thread that was foreign to him all this time, and tugged it hard. Images flooded his mind and he begun to weep.

The shadow singer, hardened by years of battle, war, and torture, begun to weep as he saw an invisible golden thread reach out, and go through the door where his mate probably was. And for the first time in centuries, he understood her. He saw her pain, her memories, her thoughts.

Horrified, he witnessed himself saying those words to her. Telling her that Elain was more important, telling her that another female was more important than his mate. He wanted to know when she found out about the bond, wanted to demand why she never told him, but now wasn't the time. He needed to get to her.

Faster then anyone could stop him, he got to his feet and ran. Tearing through the door and stopped as he saw her. She was so pale, sweat beaded down her forehead as her breaths were laboured. She wasn't even conscious. Shadows sang as they danced around her figure. Not right. Dying. Sick. Disease.

He felt himself being pulled back by Cassian, asking him to calm down, asking him to listen, but he couldn't. He was panicked. He couldn't leave her, not again, he needed her. He couldn't lose her after just finding out. It took both Rhys and Cassian to haul Azriel away, he screamed after his mate, screamed as he prayed, he didn't know to who, but if there was any slight chance that they'd let her wake up, if there was at least one good thing he'd done in all his existence that allowed him this one good thing, he'd bargain with the Gods for a chance to live the rest of his life with his mate. Would bargain away his own life.

He didn't know how long it was until Madja came out with a solemn look. He didn't know how long it was he stood there when she uttered those defining words. "She might not make it," Before she dragged him to the side.

"What is your relationship with Y/N?" She demanded. Azriel's head spun as he tried to recall what happened. "I...it's complicated," Madja paused at seeing the shadow singer falter after 500 years of walking through life without a care in the world. However, the answer he was giving was not going to help her save Y/N.

"Define it shadow singer! Give me details! Let me know what was happening that she became so ill!" She snapped. Azriel flinched. He knew she had every right to be annoyed at him. He was the cause of the illness and he couldn't even think straight, couldn’t even try to save her.

“I hurt her. I hurt her and I shouldn’t have, I stood her up, and then told her another female was more important. I grew distant. And now she’s suffering. Because of me,” He swallowed and Madja nodded. He ran his hand through his hair. Panic danced in his eyes and Madja sighed. This was complicated, never in all her year did she need to treat such a complicated case, even when Illyrians were on the brink of losing their wings. Even when she had to treat battle wounds that would leave the faint hearted in shambles.

She shook her head, turning to leave, voicing only one instruction as she walked out, “Break off whatever relationship you have with that Archeron Sister, and pray that you’re mate will wake,” He nodded and Madja left the shadow singer feeling empty, feeling as if he had nothing left in the world.

~*~*~*~*~

His foot steps felt heavy as he walked to the living room of the House of Wind. He couldn't believe this. All his life, he'd dreamed of meeting his mate. He'd dreamed of living out his life together with her, and now he might not even get to right the wrongs he had made. He might not even get to tell her that he was sorry for hurting her.

"So? What do we need to do?" Mor demanded as he came into view of the rest. He sighed as looked down at his scarred palms, ones who had done harm to thousands and he hadn't regretted it, not once. Until now. His own mate. Maybe karma really did exist. Maybe he shouldn't have been so cruel to so many people.

"I...I have to break up with Elain or she dies tonight," He said shakily. Everyone stared at him. Elain rolled her eyes once more. “What a drama queen. She’s such an attention seeker, right guys?” She looked around but no one seemed to agree. Her eyes seemed to flicker between surprise and resentment. “You guys are stupid, she’s not dying she’s just faking it,” She tried to say but Cassian brought a hand up, stopping her.

“You, dumb brat. You’re sisters have shielded you all their lives and the one time you have an opportunity that you aren’t just an empty headed child, you blow it!” Nesta tried to calm him down but everyone could tell that a part of her agreed with what her mate was saying. Rhysand then chimed in, “A member of my court, one of my closest friends, is dying. And you have the audacity, the gall, to say that she is attention seeking? I don’t care that you are my mate’s sister, but that disrespect will not be tolerated in my court, even so, my mate would agree with me. You have been born and raised sheltered and shielded from a broken world and instead of being thankful, instead of feeling an ounce of appreciation towards the female who saved your damn life, you ruined hers.” Feyre nodded, and as Elain looked around, she realised that no one was siding with her, not even Lucien.

She huffed, enraged by the outcome of this, before strutting out of the house of Wind. Nesta felt disheartened, she had been so protective of Elain that she had now turned into this uncaring monster, it made her feel like she had failed. Her emotions were echoed down the bond and Cassian turned towards her and hugged her, pressing her against him gently. The scene made Azriel feel alone, and so guilty. He could have had that, if he had just opened his damn eyes, if he hadn’t hurt her the way he did.

But now, he didn’t even know if his mate was going to make the end of the day. And he prayed to whatever god there was out there, that he’d get one more shot to make things right.

~*~*~*~*~

A/N: Should I make part 2???? Idk T^T Hope you enjoyed <3

PART 2 IS OUT

@aroseinvelaris

If you wanna be tagged: Just ask and remember to specify if you wanna be tagged in just part 2 of this fic, all Azriel fics, any specific character fics/series, or just all my fics in certain fandoms. <3

[lyssasdrafts]

— AFTERGLOW 🦇🌟

azriel x reader smau!

status: ongoing!

pairing: azriel x reader, slight eris x reader

includes: humor, angst, fluff, modern au, coffee shop au, college/university au, strangers to lovers (for azriel x reader), childhood friends to lovers (for eris x reader)

description: being a childhood friend of the archerons and vanserras; you happen to keep running into a certain member of the inner circle at velaris university, but pursuing a new relationship with someone else is hard when you struggle with commitment issues from your first love.

content warning: contains themes of azriel’s canonically toxic family life, mentioned/implied homophobia for mor’s arc (chapters containing these will have a warning)

00 profiles: y/n’s group exiles cafe inner circle

001: “ i blew things out of proportion ”

002: “ i pinned your hands behind your back ”

003: “ thought i had reason to attack ”

004: “ fighting with a true love ”

005: “ boxing with no gloves ”

006: “ this ultraviolet morning light ”

007: “ chemistry ‘til it blows up ”

008: “ tells me this love is worth the fight ”

009: “ tell me that you’re still mine ”

010: “ why’d i have to break what i love so much? ”

011: “ it’s all me, in my head… ”

012: “ i’m sorry that i hurt you ”

013: “ but it’s not what i meant ”

014: “ i don’t wanna lose this with you ”

015: “ just wanna lift you up, not let you go ”

016: “ i lived like an island ”

017: “ tell me that it’s not my fault ”

018: “ i don’t wanna do this to you ”

019: “ i’m the one who burned this down ”

020: “ just don’t go ”

bonus chapters:

002.5: “ who’s that barista guy? ”

013.5: “ why are you calling me your babygirl? ”

taglist: open!! lmk if you want to be added

[p3arldiver]

Masterlist

A Court of Light and Sorrow

Azriel/OC

Summary:

With no memory of how she ended up abandoned on the forest floors, Devyn awakes on the edge of Velaris, deep wounds covering her chest and back. Convinced that death would be with her soon, she begins to accept her fate.

Azriel’s shadows had warned him of a woman, left on the brink of death on the outskirts of Velaris. Winnowed before her, he felt something. A connection.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

[surielstea]

Friends who Flirt

Based on this request.

Pairing: Azriel x Fem!Reader

Summary: Reader and Az have been flirting for years, what happens when they finally do something more?

Warnings: 18+ | smut | minors dni | multi-orgasm | dom Az | shadow play | oral (f receiving) | fingering | p in v | biting | clit sucking | teasing | praise kink | cream pie | slight slut shaming | outdated beliefs | slight angst (not from Az)

8.3k words

I pad into the kitchen and am immediately met with a humming Azriel. Shadows swish around him as he goes about his daily tasks. His humming stops and I freeze, feeling like I've been caught for gazing for a moment too long to be considered friendly. "I can feel you staring, love." He croons, not even looking up from what he was doing. "How'd you know it was me?" I frown, crossing my arms.

"Your footsteps," He says, pushing a drawer shut with his hip as he turns to look at me, a slice of leftover cake from my birthday in his hands. "Creep." I joke, opening the drawer he just shut and fishing out a fork. "New nightgown?" He looks at me with creased brows. "Mhm, you like it?" I say doing a small twirl.

His eyes drag down the airy chiffon fabric, the baby blue color complimenting my complexion nicely, and the way the lace trim cups over my breasts don't go past his notice. He nods, eyes going back up to mine as I dig a fork into the cake he just sliced. He lets me— in fact, he lowers the plate so I can have a better angle.

"The shopkeeper gave it to me for free after I bought half her boutique for solstice presents," I explain. "It was pretty on the rack so why not." I shrug. "It's prettier on you." He hums and I flick my eyes up to him with a mouthful of cake. "How would you know, you didn't even get to see it on the rack?" I tilt my head and he shakes his. "I don't need to." He hums and I turn away from him with a heat rising to my cheeks. "Are you blushing?" He smiles teasingly and just as I am about to take another bite I freeze, then place my fork down. "I thought you'd be used to people calling you pretty by now? Or is it just me who affects you this way?" He presumes and I physically deflate, that he knows me too well to keep anything from him. "Can't I just go one day without you reading me like an open book?" I sigh, hoisting myself up onto the counter.

"Speaking of which, what'd I come in here for?" I look around the kitchen to get any clue but come up with nothing. I look at him and he shrugs with a mouthful of chocolate cake. "Can't you use your shadows to figure it out?" I swing my legs back and forth as they dangle. "That's not really how they work." He placed our dishes down into the sink, my eyes following him as he made his way in front of me. "Then, how do you gain information from people?" I ask, watching as his hands come to either side of my hips, caging me in between him and the counter. "I suppose I could interrogate it out of you?" He offers and I clench my legs together at the immediate sexual thoughts that pop into my head. "But my best guess is you came in here to get a glass of wine, as you always do before bed." He explains and my brows shoot up. "You're a genius," I smile brightly. I lean in and place a kiss on his cheek. "Thanks, Az," I exclaim and slide off the countertop.

"Anytime." He huffs a breath.

"Want a glass?" I offer as I open a cabinet full of wine glasses. He looks at his empty plate in the sink, then nods. "I'll cut some more cake."

———

Three glasses and two slices of cake later left me straddling Azriel's hips. I don't know exactly what happened, it was all a blur but what I do know now is that some selfish part of me doesn't regret it, and with the way the Shadow Singer was gazing at me it seemed he didn't either. Three glasses wasn't enough to get me fully intoxicated but, I was tipsy.

"Your eyes are so pretty," I observe, my hands cupping either side of his face as I angle it towards me drunkenly. "Like, super pretty." I smile and his cheeks go red. "You okay Az?" I ran my thumbs over his cheekbones so sharp they could cut stone. "I have a pretty girl sitting on my lap, complimenting my eyes. Why wouldn't I be okay?" He tilts his head. "Cause your heartbeat is so fast." I smile teasingly and he mirrors it. "So is yours."

His hand comes up and intertwines with the back of mine, pulling it away from his face while his other hand finds purchase at my thigh, bare due to the fact of my short nightgown riding up from this position. His gaze holds mine but he doesn't say anything, so neither do I. Something magnetic pulls me closer to him like we were meant to slot together. "This is dangerous," I mumble as my other hand snakes around to hold the back of his head. "I don't think you care that much." He hums. "You know me too well." I grin and he leans in, crashing his lips onto mine.

I melt into the feeling, hand shooting into his dark hair as both his arms secure around my waist and drag me into his chest. My hands roam from his neck down his shoulders, his tattooed biceps that flexed beneath my touch, the same ones I've stared at for years now, the same ones I've ached to get my hands on. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this." He confesses, his voice raspy as he pulls at my chin and opens my mouth for better clearance. He's precise when pushing his tongue into my mouth, his movements are calculated and careful as he explores every crack he can mold to, analyzing and memorizing just in case this ends sooner than it should.

I buzz with need, I couldn't get close enough. Every part he didn't touch left me cold, and when he pulled away I was starved. His calloused, large hands map every inch of my skin, slipping beneath my dress to span the distance of my waist without barrier, pulling me into him with the same passion I felt burning through every nerve in my body. I smile against the electric pulse that darts through the both of us.

It just felt so right, like this was what we were made for. I felt like I was on fire, and it was his match that set me aflame.

The front door swings open, inviting the freezing air to enter. I tear away from Azriel at the intrusion and look up towards the doorway, where Morrigan stood, stunned.

A smirk etched across Azriel's lips as he leaned back into the couch, staring up at me still perched on his lap with glazed-over eyes and messy lipgloss. He was sitting there observing me caught red-handed like I was a statue he just finished sculpting. "I— I'm so sorry, I'll come back later!" Mor says, a bit frazzled as she tightens her scarf around her neck and turns on her heel, leaving the house.

I look back to Azriel with heated cheeks. "You heard her coming!" I grab a pillow and hit him repeatedly with it as he playfully pushes it away. "It's just Mor, what are you ashamed of kissing me?" He tilts his head and I drop the pillow. "I need to go get her and explain." I begin clambering from his lap but his big hands that still held my waist from beneath my dress forced me back down. "One more kiss before you go?" He flashed me a teasing smile, and to his shock, I leaned down and pecked his lips lightly in such a casual way it left the Shadow Singer dazed.

I successfully slipped off his lap, scrambling to grab my coat off the rack and shoving my arms through it as I left the cozy house and stepped onto the porch where Morrigan waited, hands shoved in her pockets. "What are you doing here so late?" I whisper shout to her and she whirls to face me with a wide-eyed expression. "You're the one who has explaining to do." She returned and my jaw clamps closed. "I was only stopping by to ask if you wanted to go to Rita's with me, but you're busy." She smiled teasingly and my cheeks flushed, I blame it on the cold weather. "It wasn't like that, we're drunk." I excuse. "And horny," I add and she deadpans. "You've also been flirting with him for years." She reasons. "I knew this would happen," She sings with a mischievous grin.

She had a point, the sexual tension between us was so thick you could cut it with a knife. "So, Rita's?" She brushed past the elephant in the room, sensing I wasn't ready to talk about it. "Maybe tomorrow, I'm going to bed." I huff. "Sure you are." She winks and I roll my eyes. "I'm picking you up tomorrow then, be ready— I don't want to walk in on anything my virgin eyes shouldn't be seeing." She joked and I playfully pushed her towards the steps down the house. "Have fun at Rita's, see you tomorrow." I giggle and she waves me off.

———

"Az?" I poke my head into the Shadow Singer's office only to find him hunched over a book with a crinkle between his dark brows. I smile and mosey into the room, heels lightly clicking against the hardwood floors as I find my way in front of him, my hip leaning against the desk. "Az," I call, putting a finger to the spine of his book and angling it downward so I could see his face. "I'm leaving, you sure you don't want to come with me?" I tilt my head and he shakes him, sinking deeper into his chair, wings fanning out on either side of him. "You sure you don't want to stay?" He offers and the tone of his voice makes it sound alluring. But I've been dying to get out of the house even since that kiss, he didn't mention it so I didn't either— but I didn't just want to ignore it, he felt what I did too, I know he did. He looks up at me and his book snaps shut, eyes widening slightly.

"You're wearing that?" He swallows.

"What's wrong with it?" I look down at the cerulean-colored dress that hugged my body in all the right places. His eyes narrow at me and he sits up. "It's a bit, short, no?" He tilts his head slightly, eyes tracking over my bare thighs and a smile curves my lips. “I’m wearing shorts,” I shrug and he twists his lips to the side, clearly upset at the idea of me flaunting in a dress so short without him there to make sure no one unwanted approached me. "It's a pleasure hall, I'll be one of the more covered ones old man," I excuse as I push off his desk and walk towards the door. "Wait," He springs up from his chair and meets me in the hall. "I'll go too— just, five minutes." He rushed down the hall and stumbled into his room.

I smile widely at the reaction, I always preferred when he went out with me. Pleasure halls and clubs were never my scene, Azriel might enjoy it more than me. If Mor hadn't asked me to come out tonight I probably would be snuggled up beside the fireplace with a steaming mug of tea and a good book. Whenever Azriel went to places like Rita's with me he was always a good escape plan. He was always there to take me home if I grew bored or tired. Always.

Exactly five minutes later Azriel came out of his room, appropriately dressed. "Ready?" I tilt my head, a lock of hair falling into my face at the movement. He eats up the distance between us in two long-legged strides. He nods, reaching forward and tucking my hair back behind my ear. "You look pretty." He said and I shyly smiled. "You don't clean up too badly yourself." I hum, looking up at him with wondering eyes. His gaze caught mine, that familiar hazel had something foreign lingering in them, something welcoming that I didn't quite recognize. His gaze, just for a moment, flicks down to my lips so fast I wouldn't have seen it if I blinked. But I did see it. I stumble a step closer, that magnetic feeling coming back but before I can get any closer the door swings open, and Morrigan stands there with a cunning smile. I whirl around to face her with pinched brows. "You need to learn how to knock," I sigh, walking towards the coat rack and shrugging my coat on. "I did?" She crossed her arms defensively. I look toward Azriel with a raised brow and he just shrugs silently.

"C'mon, I wanted to be there twenty minutes ago." She grabs my wrist and pulls me out onto the porch. I grab Azriel by the hem of his jacket and pull him with me. "We're on a schedule?" I mumble confused. "Emeries shift ends soon." She grabs Azriel's arm and winnows us without warning.

My head spins at the sudden jump in the atmosphere. The cold porch of my quiet neighborhood compared to the heat of the loud pleasure hall. A wave of nausea rolls over me and both of Azriel's hands come to my shoulders, steadying me before I can tip over. He doesn't say anything, he knows I just need a moment to collect myself. So he holds me near and away from drunken fae getting too close for his liking.

"You're okay?" He says over the blasting music and I look up to him. The flashing red and blue lights make him look angelic, gods he's so pretty— and I'm not drunk enough for this. "I think I need a drink," I say back and he nods, hands leaving my shoulders. "I can arrange that." Mor croons as she grabs me by the wrist and pulls me towards the bar.

The crowd parts in half for her, making a clear path to the bar with me in tow. She finds two vacant stools and quickly swoops them before anyone else can. Emerie walks over with a smile as she washes a glass. "What can I get for you ladies?" She sings. "Just get me what you usually get," I say to Mor and she nods. She and Emerie chat for a while then she orders. I rarely drank anything but wine— but that wasn't exactly a club drink.

Emerie slides some sort of cocktail in front of me and I thank her before lifting my glass and taking a small sip. I immediately wince and put the drink back down. "What's wrong?" Mor laughs as I force myself to swallow down the burning liquid. "Strong," I croak out and her smile only widens. "Sorry, I guess I shouldn't have ordered doubles." She shrugs and my brows shoot up. "Are you trying to get me drunk?" I scoff and she grins mischievously before slipping from her chair. "I'm gonna go dance." She evades and I roll my eyes as she leaves the seat next to me empty.

Cautiously, I take another small sip from my glass but it didn't magically get any better from last time so I set it back down and don't plan to pick it up again.

Azriel finds a place beside me on Mor's forgotten stool. I look over to him with a smile. "Already tired old man?" I tease, bumping his shoulder with mine. "What?" He creased his brows, clearly not able to hear me over the music. He leans closer, lowering his head. "I asked if you were tired already," I say over the music, then pull back to look at him. He smiles softly before putting his hand on the back of my neck and pulling me back towards him. "You keep calling me old but we're only like three years apart." He says and I shrug, leaning closer. "It's about the mindset," I say with a soft chuckle. He pulls back and looks at me confused. "I can't hear you," He yells over the music and I roll my eyes, leaning closer than before. "I said it's about the mindset," I repeat then pull back a mere inch, our faces centimeters apart and he stares at me, either trying to piece my words together or too distracted to think about anything because he wants to kiss me again, and gods was I praying it's the latter.

"You want to get out of here?" I ask with a tilt of my head. "You're not going to drink that?" He gestures to the cocktail in front of me and I shake my head no. "It tastes like rubbing alcohol and a squeeze of lime," I reply and a smile pulls at his lips. "We can open a bottle of wine at home." He offers and I nod. "You know me so well." I stand from my stool, I presume he doesn't hear me because he doesn't reply.

———

"Are you visiting your family in Autumn tomorrow?" Azriel asks as he refills my glass. "Unfortunately," I sigh, dreading seeing my parents again. "My brother is coming in the morning to winnow me there," I explain. I couldn't winnow to my childhood home by myself, it was warded so only people who lived there could enter. My father put that in place the day I left. "Why visit them?" He creased his brows and I shrug. "They're my family," I murmur, it's the only excuse I can manage to come up with. "You have a family here too." He reminds and a smile pulls at my lips. "I know," I take a small step closer to him. We stood in the kitchen beside the counter, the lighting dimmed and soft, the opposite energy of the pleasure hall. "But they let me live here on my own without ruling over my entire existence." I shrug. "I owe them a visit every few months." I finalize and he nods, not wanting to intervene any further.

"I'll be back by tomorrow night though," I smile up at him. "You won't have to suffer without me for too long." I tease before taking a sip of my wine. He raises a brow at me, clearly amused. "You're so annoying." He let out a breathless laugh. "That's not what you said last night," I quip, leaning back against the counter, pinned under his gaze as he looks down at me.

"Careful." He warns and the deep sound of his voice has my heart rate quickening. What is wrong with me? "You don't like the truth?" I hum, my bottom lip pinched beneath my teeth as I grin up at him. "Wipe that smile off your face before I do it for you." His expression hardens. My smile doesn't even falter. "Is that a threat shadow singer?" I tilt my head tauntingly. He leans closer, his hands coming to the counter behind me and entrapping me between his arms.

"Do you want it to be?" His brow raises a fraction and my smile seems uncontrollable at this point. His eyes flick down to my lips then quickly back to my eyes. "I thought you liked my mouth?" I taunt. "Shut up already," He grumbles, hand coming to my neck before pressing his lips into mine.

I melt at the feeling I've been craving since I pulled away last night. I wrap my arms around the back of his neck and lean into him. He manually angles my head so he can kiss me deeper, prying my mouth open with his tongue before sliding it in. I allow it, reveling in the feeling of his chest pressed against mine, his hands all over me, and his lips pressed into my mind. It felt unfamiliar, yet we slotted together like puzzle pieces. He filled me whole, his hands traveling down my waist to the bottoms of my thighs where he lifted me in his arms.

I tightened my grasp around him, my chest pressed to him as he carried me away from the kitchen. “I don’t want to ignore this,” I murmur against his lips. “I want you,” I confess and he smirks at the sound of desperation in my voice, making my cheeks flush. “I need you.” He hums and the knot in the base of my stomach tightens. I squeeze my legs around his torso and clutch him closer to me as I plant my lips over his again.

He walks us down the hall but I’m too preoccupied with his mouth to care where we’re going. He hums in approval when I bite at his lower lip, hungry for more. My back comes in contact with a wall and I immediately arch off of it and into his chest. One of his arms carried me while the other roamed up my body, my dress that had ridden up a noticeable amount due to the position. “Fuck me Az,” I hum greedily. He smiled against my lips and with one last peck he pulled away the slightest fraction. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say those words,” He purrs as he travels down my jaw, placing messy kisses down the column of my throat.

I tug at his shirt, needy for my skin to be pressed to his. I get the material up to his chest and my hands leave his shirt in favor of pressing them onto his exposed abdomen. “More,” I mumble dumbly and he latches down onto my neck in response, finding that sensitive spot and sucking, licking, nipping at it without hesitation. “Az,” I sigh out and he bites down hard enough to pierce the skin. I curse at the oddly arousing feeling and he pushes off the wall, carrying me towards his bed.

He lays me down, still hovering over me as he detaches from my neck, most definitely leaving a mark. He stands over me, looking down at my willing expression. I spread my legs further in a silent plea and a feline smirk spreads across his features. He discards his shirt and I nearly moan at the sight.

Large black wings fanning out behind him, the broadness of his shoulders, and the defined v-line at his hips make me ache. Gods, he was some sort of angel.

“Please,” I whisper as I watch him undo his belt, he doesn’t bother with his pants and takes his place over me, kissing up the valley of my breasts all the way to my lips. His large, scarred hand pushes up my tight dress. His hips settle between mine and I feel the hardness of him right against where I want him most. “Do you see what you do to me?” He said into the crook of my neck, slowly rutting his hips down onto my clothed folds. “Az,” I moan at the friction, hand coming into his hair and tangling into the dark locks.

“This dress, I wanted to rip it off you all night,” He confesses and a teasing smile pulls at my lips. “Then what are you waiting for?” I croon but don’t get a reply and instead, I’m met with a reading of fabric, the expensive dress torn in two and being discarded somewhere on the floor. “Fuck, you’re even more perfect than I imagined.” He hums as he leans up to take me in, lying under him clad in nothing but my underwear and a pair of spandex shorts. “You imagined this?” I tilt my head with a smile and he nods, leaning down and slanting his lips over mine. “Every night.” He hums as shadows swirl up my arms and wrap around my wrists, pulling them together and pinning them to the bed. I pull at them but to no avail, the darkness is much stronger. “Az c’mon,” I whine. “No baby, tonight’s all about you,” He says as he kisses down my neck and to my chest, taking my nipple into his mouth.

I moan at the sight, arching up for his access. I squirm as his hands meet my hips, pinning them down and stopping me from grinding against the air. I moan as he does something wicked with his tongue on my hardened bud, flicking and sucking on it. The sensitivity of it left me quivering.

He leaves my breast with one last swirl of his tongue and leisurely kisses past my ribs, to my navel, until his lips find the hem of my shorts. His hands are quick to discard them, joining my dress on the floor.

He continues his journey downward, two of his fingers hooking under the waistband of my panties. I can’t help but grind up at the sensation, mewling as I get a fraction of pleasure. “This is okay?” He hums and I nod. “I need words baby,” He presses a loving kiss to just above my undies. “Yes Az, please.” I consent and without any other words, he shreds my panties, tearing them into two as they fall off my thighs and the cold air hits my heat.

The smell of arousal doubles and he seems drunk on it. He leans down and licks one long stripe up my cunt, gaze pinned to me as he does so and I can’t help but maintain the eye-contact. “Fuck, baby you taste so good,” He praises, fingertips digging into my hips and I could tell he was constraining himself, holding back from how he truly wanted me. “More,” I pull at the shadows but they don’t give. “I need more,” I sigh and he obeys, live attaching over my clit and I gasped, his tongue teasingly tracing circles around the bud while he sucked on it.

One of his hands left my hips and traveled down past my thighs, two of his fingers dragging themselves through my sopping folds, coating them in his slick. “Az, I need you inside of me,” I whine as he slowly treks them down to my clenching entrance, tracing circles around the area. “Baby, you’re so wet f’ me,” He admires and I clench my eyes shut in embarrassment as I feel my arousal slip down my thighs. “All for you,” I murmur and that seems to push him over the edge because the next thing I know two of his long, thick fingers enter my craving cunt.

I cry out at the foreign stretch, his scared fingers brushing against my sensitive walls. The sensation left me grinding up onto his hand. He sucked harder on my clit and the mixture of both had a familiar coil beginning to grow in the pit of my stomach. His fingers curl teasingly slow, and as soon as he finds that sensitive spongy spot deep inside me he begins to toy with it, the sounds that escape me are unsolicited. “M’ close,” I huff out, head digging into the pillows as he lightly nips at my clit, making me scream in pure pleasure. “Cum for me love,” He whispers against my cunt, his breath fanning over my wet folds.

Then he reattaches and digs his tongue into the pink, sensitive bud, causing that coil to tighten and then snap.

A flood of white-hot pleasure consumes me, waves of ecstasy wash over me, leaving me flushed and covered in my fluids, and when I finish, it’s his name on my tongue, like it always was on those late nights when I had nothing but my own hand— but now he’s here with his tongue delving through my heat, completely entranced with me.

His fingers finally leave my cunt and he lifts away, licking his lips as to not waste a single drop of my release. His hips returned to mine, his heavy, hard cock pressing into my bare pussy and suddenly it was too much, overstimulation absorbing me as he thrashed his pants off and his hard member smacked up against his abdomen. My mouth waters at the sight of it, his tip red and leaking pre-cum down the side. I tug at the shadows binding me, wanting to touch him, to run my finger down the pulsing vein at its underside.

He tuts and presses it down onto the apex of my thighs. The heat between us was enough to light a furnace, gods he looked so perfect above me like this— and finally he had his cock lathering itself in my own fluidity. I moan as the head of it snags at my clit, his pre blending with my own juices. “Az please,” I whine out and he aligns himself with me, prodding at my entrance. We both watch as he pushes into me, his glistening cock slowly disappearing inside of me. I can’t watch for long, my body too focused on how it feels for me to be able to hold myself up. I squirmed as his wide cock pushed deep into me, and every time he entered another inch I moaned, my walls molding around him as he stretched me beyond capacity. Fuck, he’s so big. “Gods, your pretty pussy is sucking me in so good.” He grits out, white-knuckling the sheets beside my head as he refrains from slamming into me. This pace was just as painful as it was pleasurable, I couldn’t imagine what would happen if he went any faster.

He rolls his hips and in doing so enters another inch, I arch up and he goes deeper finding that familiar spongy spot, and I mewl. “There, please right there Az,” I cry out and he lets out a soft chuckle against my shoulder. “I’m barely halfway baby,” He purrs and my brows knot, how could he go any deeper? I didn’t have to wait long for the answer because before I knew it he slammed the rest of him inside of me, his tip brushing against my cervix, and the unknown yet stimulating feeling left me screaming out his name.

My nails dig into my palms as he pulls out then slams back home. His hips snapping to mine, his balls slapping against my ass. “Gods you take me so well,” He admires as tears spring to my eyes. Every time he brushed up against my cervix I couldn’t breathe, he was so fucking big. He continued to ruthlessly ram into me, his speed unmatched as he pounded past that sensitive point nestled inside of me and instead pushed to places where I’d never been touched before, and gods did I love every second of it.

“Feel good love?” He hums below my ear and I open my mouth to reply but words fail me and I can only moan, too fucked out for coherent sentences. He smiles and bites at my lobe, then presses a kiss just below it.

He continues to hammer into me while I pulse around him. “I’m so, so close,” I rasp out, my pussy raw and red as he abuses it. “So fucking tight,” He grunts as he tries to pull out but u are clenching around him too hard, sucking him back in, needy for all of him.

He slammed back in, his base brushing against my clit and that was enough for me to let go, my release coming over me full throttle as a euphoric sensation crashed down onto me, my pleasure blooming right where he was inside of me.

But once I come down from my high he doesn’t pull out, he continues slamming his tight balls into me, rolling his hips over mine. I whimper as the overstimulation consumes me, biting at my bottom lip to stop myself from crying, tears flowing down my cheeks but he doesn’t care, because I realize he isn’t an angel, no, he’s a fucking devil and he wasn’t going to stop pushing into me until his release was nestled deep inside me.

The shadows leave one of my hands, only so he can grab my wrist and guide my palm down my stomach until I can feel his cock moving inside of me. “Feel how deep I am?” He hums and I nod, too fucked out to conjure up any words. “Gods you’re such a good girl,” He praises, pulling me close as I arch into him. My now free hand comes to his back, scratching down his shoulders as my nails dig into his skin. He twitches inside of me, signaling that he’s close. He curses, not wanting this to end, but he can’t help but chase his high, somehow managing to go faster. His face falls into the crook of my shoulder and he kisses and bites at the area. “Az— Ah, too much,” I shake my head and he twitches. “Fuck, say my name again.” He sighs out. “Azriel,” I mewl, hand finding his hair and pulling at the loose curls. “Az, m’ close please,” I whine out, tears streaming down my face. “Me too love, me too.” He reassures and I nod with a whimper.

He slowly pulls out to his tip, only the head of his cock inside of me until suddenly he pushes back in, ramming into my cervix I bite down on my lip at the pleasure, and before I knot it the knot inside of me snaps and my eyes are rolling back as I finish for the third time tonight. I’m too drunk on my high to even register his warm release as it spurts into me, at my cervix, and straight to my womb. I sigh as I milk his cock of its fluids. He groaned out my name as he finished, his lips lining kisses up the side of my face as he muttered about how well I did for him.

After a moment of him nestled inside of me, he slowly pulled out, dragging moans from the base of my throat as he brushed against my over-sensitive walls. “My sweet girl,” He whispers, pecking my lips and I weakly kiss him back. Shadows unravel from my wrists and are free to move off my own volition, but I don’t, my high still lingering as his cum seeps out of my cunt.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” He tilts his head and I nod. The bed dips as he gets up, puts a pair of sweats on then walks back over to me.

Gently he picked me up, carrying me bridal style to the connected bathroom where a basin of steaming water was already ready. He placed me down on the cool counter and I smiled as I watched him get a cloth and begin to wipe down my legs.

He was being so gentle not to spike my pleasure any further, cautiously wiping away at my inner thighs. I lean my head against his shoulder, too tired to sit up on my own. Shadows soothe my back, the coldness of them making me sigh in relief. “Stay here okay?” He hums as he puts the cloth back into the basin and I nod, I doubted I could walk if I tried.

He leaves the bathroom and is only gone for a few minutes before he returns with a pair of clothes. A soft smile spreads across my lips as he pulls the nightgown over my head. It was a soft, sheer chiffon the color of a pastel blue. He then hiked a pair of clean undies up my thighs then over my ass, cupping my sensitive heat.

His hands come to my waist and he lifts me, carrying me back to his bed. He places me down onto the soft mattress, the sheets cold as my head hits the pillow. He joins my side, pulling the blankets over the both of us. I flip around and look up at him, his sharp features seeming so gentle in this light. I bring my hand up and cup his neck, my thumb rubbing at his jaw.

He stares down at me with adoration and I grin, leaning up and pressing a kiss to his lips. I wasn’t worried about what this made us, or what we were going to say in the morning. I was busy cherishing the way his strong arm came around my waist and he pulled me towards him, needing me closer. I wrap my arms around his neck and no words are spoken as we lay beside each other, occasionally pressing kisses to the other’s lips when impulsed, basking in each other’s warmth and affection.

———

I was still half asleep when I heard a door slam shut and I startled awake, launching upward. The hand around my waist slips down and I'm greeted with a groan of protest, that same arm pulling me down again. "Azriel someone's here," I say maneuvering out of his hold. "Your brother?" He mumbles and I gasp, quickly slipping from the bed as I curse myself for forgetting that he was coming today. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I repeat as I scramble for something that offers a little more coverage than my sheer nightgown.

I spot Azriel's plain black shirt hanging from the side of his desk chair and swipe it, pulling it over my head. "Come back to bed," Azriel groans, still half asleep. "Baby please," He whines when I ignore him. I throw a pillow at him and he startles upward. "My brother is here," I stress. "As in, probably walking down that hallway right now and I don't have pants, so where are my clothes," I say and he rubs his eyes. "Hamper." He points to the laundry basket and I fish through the clothes, finding my pair of shorts from last night and hiking them up my thighs.

I run my hands through my hair a few times and hope to the gods I look presentable enough to face my sibling.

I creak open the door softly, exiting into the hallway silently praying he doesn't spot me sneaking into my room. I'm quiet on my feet as I tiptoe to my bedroom, slipping in and closing the door behind me with a sigh of relief, then looking up and gasping when I spot my brother standing over my bed, my bed that clearly wasn't slept in last night. He looks to me with a quirked brow. "I was brushing my teeth," I gesture to the bathroom down the hall and he nods, taking in my appearance. "I'll be ready in ten minutes, I'm sorry, I slept through my alarm." I lie and he looks at me unimpressed. "It's fine, it's not like we're expected or anything." He snakily comments and I refrain from glaring at him and instead laugh at his sardonic joke. He leaves my room and I close the door behind him, quickly rushing over to my wardrobe. My legs were beyond sore but I pushed the pain aside. I found a day gown that was acceptable enough to wear to my parent's house and stripped out of my shorts and Azriel's baggy t-shirt before pulling the dress over my head while hobbling over to my vanity.

I was only going to brush my hair until I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and decided just a brush wouldn't do. I tied my hair up in the easiest yet neatest style I could conjure. I was ready in less than five minutes and in all honestly, I was a little proud of myself.

I left my bedroom, expecting my brother to be waiting right by my door only he wasn't, he was nowhere to be seen in fact.

I wander down the hall. "I’m ready!" I call throughout the house but I get no reply. I call him again but, nothing. I pad into the kitchen and spot Azriel leaning over the counter, pouring himself a steaming cup of black coffee. "Where'd he go?" I murmur, mostly to myself but Azriel's shadows slip from his shoulders and run across the floor only to swirl up my ankles then zipping down the hall, leading me to who I was looking for.

I chase after them immediately, they traveled past my bedroom, and up the walls before curving into the creaked door of Azriel's bedroom. My heart rate picks up as I open the door wider and am met with my brother's unmistakable figure. "What are you doing in Azriel's room?" I demand and he stiffens, turning to me and revealing what he was holding up. "The better question is, what is your dress doing in Azriel's room?" He holds up the short, blue dress and I open my mouth to reply but I come up with nothing.

"Are you going to explain, or should I assume?" He tosses the dress back into the hamper, amused. I grit my teeth. "Why the hel are you going through his stuff?" I snarl and he shrugs. "Had a hunch," He explains and I deadpan. "And based on the smell in this room, I'd say I was right." He smiles down at me and I debate slapping him across the face. "Have fun explaining to mom and dad." He grins and my eyes widen. "No, wait—" I begin but he winnowed away.

Dread consumes me and I quickly winnow after him, my willpower taking me right to the porch of my childhood home halfway across Prythian.

There’s no getting in, the wards were too strong and I was far from a spell cleaver. So instead I bang on the door, balling my hands into fists as I shout through the door, two inches of wood holding me back from stopping my brother from spilling my whole life story.

It was highly frowned upon to share a bed with someone you're not married to in this area of the Autumn Court, especially with a race like Illyrians who seemed to have the exact opposite ideals as my parents. I wish I could say I didn't care what my parents thought of me but I do, anyone would.

"C'mon, open up!" I shout and before the side of my fist can come to contact the door again, it swings open. I freeze. What exactly is my excuse? I probably should've thought about what I was going to say before I tried to knock on the door. My brother was the one to open it, a smug smile on his lips as he moved out of the way to reveal both my parents staring down at me very disappointed.

"You have to let me explain," I enter the house. "We don't want to hear it." My father shakes his head. "We let you have your freedom in the night court but I won't allow you to whore yourself—" My mother begins. "I'm not whoring myself, it was one guy who I've known for over a decade," I explain and she squares her features. "Now you interrupt me? What have those brutes done to you?" Her hands come to my cheeks like I've been injured. "Nothing, mother." I swerve out of her touch. "And they aren't brutes. They’re kind people and if you had the decency to care you'd know that." I say and my father bristles. "How dare you? If we didn't care then you would've been abandoned in the streets decades ago." He claims and my heart crumbled. "You're cruel, all of you," I looked to my brother who was leaning against the bookcase, basking in the chaos he created. "I don't want to listen to your sob stories anymore," My mother put her hand up like she needed to physically stop me. "I've had enough of your, activities—" She says but I cut her off again, "I told you, I've known this guy for years," I stress. "Then I suppose you'll have no problems marrying him." She crossed her arms and I looked at her like she's gone insane. She can't be serious, right?

"What?" I say as if I've misheard her. "You know it's disgraceful to copulate outside of wedlock," She begins. "So this male must atone for stripping you of your purity." My mother reasons. My jaw nearly drops. Strip me of my purity? "If you think he's the first male I've been with you're sorely mistaken." I nearly laugh. "Well I'm sick of it, it's improper and I won't allow my daughter to be a common whore so you either marry him or I don't ever want to see you in this court again." My father bellows over the both of us and I look up at him, his eyes the same as mine. I struggle to maintain steady breathing, they can't mean that. Abandon their only daughter?

I look at my brother. This is what he wanted. He's always been the favorite, the golden child who's never had to struggle a day in his life because his mommy was always there to patch him up when he fell. I grit my teeth and decide that replying with every rageful thought I could think of wouldn't help the situation. So instead, I spin on my heel and march past my brother, towards the front door.

I grab the doorknob but before I leave I turn and look at all three of them.

"I'll see you at the reception." I hum, then turn back and slam the door hard enough behind me to knock books off shelves.

———

When I got back to the house, to my house, I finally regained control of my breathing. I open the door and slam it shut behind me, anger still pent up at my fingertips. I spot Azriel, who had frozen in the middle of the living room as if he was in the middle of pacing back and forth. "What happened? What'd they say?" He immediately questions, taking a step closer to me. My eyes fog over. Not only because I was upset about the predicament but the fact that he was wrapped up in all of this too. I assume his shadows filled him in on what happened before I winnowed away without saying goodbye.

I stay quiet and look to the ground where Shadows pool at my feet, flicking up and occasionally twining around my ankle. "Hey, we don't have to talk about it." He reaches out and grabs both of my hands in his and I wish the touch wasn't as comforting as it was, wish I could find a reason to be upset about the idea of marrying him. I didn't want to give them what they wanted.

"They," I begin but can't seem to get the words out without a lump forming in the base of my throat. "They said they're sick of me, whoring myself around," I mutter with an exhausted expression evident in my creased brows and slumped shoulders. "Whoring yourself? That's ridiculous my love you're not—" He starts. "I know," I pull him closer and wrap my arms around his torso. It seemed so intimate but if there's one thing in this world that I could rely on to make me feel better, it was Azriel's hugs. He was warm and strong and embraced me like he needed to show me his love in a way I couldn't describe.

"They want me to marry you," I whisper and his reassuring rubs on my back halt. I flinch, this is exactly what I didn't want— but his soothing ministrations quickly return after a moment so I continue to explain. “They seem to think I'm going to become a prostitute if I don't get married soon," I say, pulling back slightly and looking up at him.

"And if you don't?" He narrows his brows, mind already working to fix this. "Then they'll disown me," I mutter, letting go of him and bringing my hands up to my face. "I just— I don't know what to do," I speak into my hands. "Marrying you after spending one night together is barbaric, but that doesn't mean I never want to see my family again." I reason, my hands coming down to my sides so I can look at him. "They might be hard on me but, they're still my parents. They raised me. You can't just ignore that," I begin to ramble and his hands find my cheeks, making me slow down.

"And, obviously I want to marry you but that's not something I can force you into," I sigh and his brows rise a fraction. I wait for him to say something, anything. I could practically see the gears turning in his head.

Instead of any words he leans in and presses a soft kiss to my lips that I return without a second thought, so easy it's like we've been together for years. "I want to marry you." He claims against my lips and the tightness in my chest lessens. "I planned on doing it eventually, what's a little earlier?" He hums and butterflies soar in my stomach. "I just wish it was up to us," I murmur. "I know baby, I know." He presses his lips to mine once again and I melt into it. I wrap my arms around the back of his neck and pull him closer. There was nothing lustful or hungry about it. It was sweet and soft and innocent, nothing like last night. He cradled my jaw with a gentleness I didn't know the Shadow Singer possessed and kissed me with such precision that I found myself falling into it. Somehow he managed to comfort me through the action, making me feel like this marriage would go just fine. I drag my hands down his arms up to his wrists and pull his touch away, then pull my lips away.

"C'mon, we've got a wedding to plan."

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[florencemtrash]

The Ballad of the Shadowsinger

Azriel x Reader Oneshot

“Because I’m waiting for my mate to call me home.” The Shadowsinger said, “Because I’m waiting to die.”

Warnings: ANGST with a happy ending, mentions of attempted SA and suicidal ideation (they're very brief, but please do read with caution)

Author's note: I finished this at 3am last night and I think it's pretty apparent... buuuuuut I'm going to post it anyway. Enjoy...

The Shadowsinger arrived one winter night, curling into existence on the border of town like cream through coffee. Jadhan was only a boy at the time - painfully human with a broken leg that had never healed properly. The Midlands were a terrible place for a child to grow up - a place where the only thing more unstable than the ground was its sense of safety.

But things changed when the Shadowsinger arrived, bringing with him gold and the brutal violence required to scare off the bandits and murders that slipped in from the nearby Lordship. And when the Lord came for the Shadowsinger’s head, it was the fae male was the one who walked away from the fight. Except it wasn’t a fight. It was a slaughter.

Jadhan was thirty-seven now with three young boys that had come in a cluster, forcing their way into the world one after another. Sasha had never been quite pleased with him for that, but her love for her sons and her husband outweighed the pain and hardship in the end. 

The boys - Mikhail, Alzhar, and Zhik - ran around the tavern, ducking beneath tables and barstools while their height still allowed it. The Shadowsinger watched them with the faintest of smiles as they clambered about, begging for more attention from his shadows. 

There was little known about the Shadowsinger this deep into the Continent, but whispers still passed through the mouths of travelers at the inn. The most common piece of gossip was that he was a Prythian outlaw - banished to the Continent after attempting to kill his Lord. Jadhan didn’t know - and he figured he would never find out. 

The Shadowsinger was so quiet that no one even knew his real name. They all called him Shadowsinger - Shadow for short. He disappeared into the woods at night and stalked into town come morning, but give a shout at any time and he would be there, flying overhead like a black stormcloud. 

“On the house, Shadow.” Jadhan said, dropping the glass onto the sticky counter. Whisky neat, two fingers - just the way he liked it. 

The Shadowsinger picked it up, swirling the amber liquid around like he hoped it would start talking to him, “You say that every night.”

“That’s because a free drink is the least I could get you.” Jadhan tipped his head towards the rickety stage where the local songbirds were setting up. The singer, Phaedra, had her eyes on Shadow, sending love and gratitude his way like a flood, “Phaedra’s been telling everyone what you did for her. You know, with the Morois boy.” 

Shadow grimaced, taking his first sip. He grimaced again. The whiskey was home-brewed and tasted like it. Everyone in town said a shot of the stuff could kill a man, but Shadow was hardly a man, and more shadow than fae.

Lev Morois had had his eyes on Phaedra for a while now. And he didn’t like to be denied anything, especially women. Normally he traveled to the Lordship for his fill, and he would have been better off going there last night. Instead he’d forced his way into Phaedra’s home… and Shadow had made sure he’d never be able to hurt a woman like that ever again. 

“How old are your boys now, Jadhan?” His voice was deep and smoky.

The trio neared closer, as if they knew they’d been summoned. The eldest, Mikhail, nearly crashed into the countertop, forgetting he had to bend down now. A tendril of black shadow shot out, muffling the blow and corralling him back out onto the open dancefloor with the rest of the children. 

Jadhan sighed and rubbed at a burned spot on the counter, “Too old, and growing faster than weeds.” 

It was a sweet pain for Azriel to see the three brothers romping around. It was almost winter and soon enough they’d be wrestling in the frosted fields, shoving snow down each other’s shirts, and hurling it at each other's heads. 

When was the last time he’d seen his brothers? Cassian had stopped by twenty-five years ago, shocked and scared to see Azriel looking so wretched. The next time Azriel’s shadows had warned him, and they’d sent Cassian away.

Rhysand was a different story… he’d never forgiven Azriel for what he’d done - and rightfully so - but that didn’t make the pain any easier to swallow. That didn’t make Azriel miss them any less.

He tossed the rest back and, to Jadhan’s surprise, he let the barkeep refill it.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Phaedra’s voice crooned over the crowd, settling over drunk men and women like a warm blanket until it was time for their sober partners to drag them home. Those who were alone either settled into the hard booths for a nap or resigned themselves to a stumble home in the dark. They’d all make it to their beds in the end - The Shadowsinger would see to that.

He dropped a gold coin onto the counter - triple what the night’s libations actually cost. It was the briefest of stumbles that had Jadhan gripping onto the male’s shoulder and forcing him back into his seat. 

Azriel wasn’t drunk. It would take an ocean of human liquor to get a fae drunk and then some. But he was starting to feel something.

“I got a pinch of ambrose from a merchant passing through.” Shadow’s eyes snapped up to Jadhan, who only raised his hands in surrender, “Hey, hey, hey, I know you don’t drink my whiskey for the taste, so I thought I'd put something in there to remind you of home. Something to loosen you up like liquor is supposed to.” 

The Shadowsinger winced at that word: Home.

“Very well.” He said.

The boys had gone home with Sasha hours ago, and without them running about with their usual compatriots, the tavern seemed dull. Now was no longer the time for dancing and riotous laughter. Now was the time for the sad drunks and those who didn’t want to go home.

But Azriel wasn’t drunk and he desperately wanted to go home.

It was the shame that kept him rooted to the stool like a stubborn weed… that and Rhysand’s promise that if he ever laid eyes on Azriel again, he’d rip the wings off his back. 

Jadhan seemed to understand that about him, leaning over the counter on sturdy arms thick as tree trunks. His leg was still lame, always had been and always would be, but that had never held him back much.

“What’re you doing here, Shadow?”

His hazel eyes flickered up. 

“What’s it been? Twenty-five years you’ve been in town now?”

“Thirty. Exactly.” 

So that was why the Shadowsinger had drank so much that night. It was to commemorate the sad, terrible anniversary of his banishment to the Midlands.

“Don't you think that's long enough? I don’t mean any offense, but don't you have anywhere else to go? Friends? Family?”

The male gritted his teeth and Jadhan had the sinking feeling he'd just poked the bear.

“I thought I was wanted here.” 

“Of course you are. Hell, we’d all be dead or piss poor if it weren’t for you.” Jadhan shook his head, “I don’t know what you’re running from - if you’re a thief, a murderer, a treasonous bastard or all of the above-” 

Shadow flinched, actually flinched, and Jadhan knew it was all of the above.

“But whatever it is,” He continued, “I think you’ve made up for it.” 

Azriel stilled, shadows continuing to swirl around the wet, empty glass in front of him.

How he wished those words were true, but only a human would think thirty years was a long time. They were nothing if not optimistic.

“No. I haven’t.” Shadow said flatly. Silence stretched between them, thick and heavy, until Jadhan finally sighed and went to clear the glass.

“I had a mate.” He whispered the words so quietly, Jadhan almost didn’t hear him. 

His thick eyebrows disappeared into his receding hairline. He didn’t know much about fae customs and the ones he did know about were often violent, strange, or both… usually both. But he had a great deal of respect for mating bonds and understood they were prized above all else to fae.

“Had?” 

Shadow’s lips flattened into a thin line and Jadhan could have sworn his eyes began to brim with years. 

The Shadowsinger nodded stiffly.

“Dead?”

Shadow gritted his teeth and nodded once more, wings drooping low enough to brush against the sawdust packed floor.

Jadhan sighed so deeply he seemed to shrink into himself, and Azriel was once again struck by how quickly humans aged.

Silver streaks were already beginning to color his temples and his leg was getting stiffer and stiffer each day. It wouldn't be long until he was forced to swallow his pride and buy a cane like Sasha had been suggesting.

It seemed like just yesterday Jadhan had limped his way into the woods, calling out for the Shadowsinger with a copper coin clenched in his fist and a bargain to make. 

Kill my father, and I will do anything you ask of me. Anything at all.

There had been such determination in the little boy’s body that Azriel hadn’t hesitated to fold his small fingers back over the coin and then do what he had been told… to do what he’d always been told to do. 

“I’m sorry, Shadow.” He shook his graying hair, “I’m so sorry.” 

Azriel grimaced, fists tightening until they turned pale, “Don’t feel sorry for me. Don’t you dare.”

He frowned, “And why not?”

The Shadowsinger stilled and got quiet again, “Because it was my fault. I killed her.” 

Jadhan, for all his mortal naivete, didn’t look surprised at his answer. He only twisted his mouth to the side in thought before asking once again, "Why are you here, Shadow? Why don't you leave?"

Azriel looked at him, hazel eyes filled with despair.

He would never tell Jadhan this, but he’d always been envious of humans for one thing - they could die of old age. They could be killed easily. So easily that all it would take was one flick of Azriel's wrist and Jadhan would be no more.

Fae were not so easy to kill, and their only end was a violent one. Maybe that was why Rhys had banished him to the middle of the Continent where life was harsh but simple, and fae were nowhere to be found.

No one here was strong enough to kill him. Azriel would know - he’d spent the first five years on the Continent searching for a way to die and getting into so many bloodbaths it had lost its luster.

“Because I’m waiting for my mate to call me home.” The Shadowsinger said, “Because I’m waiting to die.” 

___

There were many reasons Azriel built his house in the woods. Firstly, he liked the privacy Secondly, when the nightmares came, there was no telling the damage he could do. 

Tonight’s dreams were especially violent and cruel to him. 

Elain appeared before him, sweet and delicate as a dove and despite knowing better, he couldn’t help but follow her into the darkness like a fly to a carnivorous flower. It wasn’t her fault - he should have known better than to drag them both into this mess. She’d been reckless, hungry for some semblance of control in this new and strange world, and he had been all too willing to play the role of the selfless knight. 

When she kissed him it felt wrong, but like every other night, he was too powerless to push away. This was how it had happened, and there was no changing that.

She whispered against his lips, “Thank you for coming for me.” 

Azriel’s stomach twisted, because two people had gone on the mission into Beron’s lair, and two people had come out. Azriel had wrapped his arms around Elain’s silky body after saving her, and left you behind.

He followed Elain further, chasing her shimmering pink skirts onto the Autumn Court battlefield where she dove into the grasses and disappeared. 

This was where it truly went wrong. 

He caught sight of you on the hill, blood blooming like roses from where the ash arrows pierced your flesh. Your wings were gone and you leaned too far backward, still feeling their phantom weight against your back. That was what it had taken to bring you down. That was what it had taken for Beron to break you.

It was like a bolt of lightning running through his body when the bond snapped into place. Your bruised eyes shot open and you fought against the chains, horror freezing your heart. 

Azriel would know, because he felt it all.

“AZ! NO!” 

Beron’s ax caught the light as it came down on your neck and this wonderful thing he’d dreamt about for over five hundred years was snatched away from him. 

Azriel shot up in bed, skin slick and suffocating under the blankets. He kicked them off his body, taking big, desperate gulps of air as his stomach and shadows settled down. 

He rubbed his chest, feeling that hollow space where the bond used to be. 

He’d had you for less than a minute… he should have had an eternity with you. You should have had an eternity with all of them. 

On the day you died, Rhys and Cassian had also lost a sister. Feyre and Nesta had lost a best friend. Cassian may have been quick to forgive him, but Rhys could never. He’d already lost one sister. Nothing could have prepared him to lose you too. 

Shadows swarmed around him and he already knew his powers had wrecked the roof once again. Moonlight streamed through the newly made hole in the ceiling, pooling around his shaking form. He imagined it was the Mother staring down at him with her unblinking eye. Disappointed. Angry. 

The mating bond had been utterly wasted on him. 

“I’m-I’m sorry, Y/n.” He gasped out, trembling. He wrapped his wings around his shaking shoulders, as if that would be enough to shield him from what he’d done. 

Once again he was that little boy trapped in the cellar. Abandoned. Unloved. Alone. But this time he deserved it.  

“Please. Please.” He begged. He begged for the madness to take him. He begged for an end to his eternal life. 

“I want to come home.” He sobbed. “Please. I want to come home.”

You stood before him at the foot of the bed - a vision that had arrived three days after coming to the Midlands and never left. You looked at him sadly, your white dress hanging still despite the breeze that flowed through the room. But you didn’t say a word. You didn’t say anything at all. 

___

Jadhan was fifty-five now. The Shadowsinger still came to the tavern every night, drank his whiskey on the house, and left once the songs were over. 

Mikhail had left at eighteen, chasing after opportunities on the edge of the Continent. Zhik had died the year before - the youngest and the weakest of the trio. Not even the Shadowsinger could fight the cold that came for him in the Winter and stole him away before Spring. 

Now it was Alzhar and Jadhan that ran the tavern. Alzhar who poured the Shadowsinger his drinks.

“On the house.” He said, sliding the glass along the countertop. Whiskey. Two fingers. Just how the Shadowsinger liked it. 

“Thanks, Alzhar.” He raised the glass in the air before tossing it back in one shot, grimacing. Either he was getting older, or the whiskey had gotten worse. 

Snow flurried past the windows, more rain than anything else. 

“Happy Solstice day.” The Shadowsinger said with the faintest of smiles. 

“Happy Solstice day.” 

It was no grand holiday in the Midlands, and it certainly could never hold a candle to the festivities that were going on in Velaris, but still, Azriel would take whatever comfort he could get. 

Phaedra had quietly retired from singing, opting to strum along with her guitar in the background. But her daughter led the band now, a vibrant star in the midst of these quiet lands with a smoky voice that was only rivaled by her mother. 

“Happy Solstice day, everyone!” The tavern-goers cheered and a new generation of children shrieked from their spots closest to the stage. “Now I know it’s not looking too great outside, but we all know what dear old, Phaedra says.” 

“Are you calling me old, Miss Devra?” Phaedra hollered, red painted lips turned down in a frown. 

“I’m calling you a dear, Mama. You’re still as young as a rosebud in April.”

“That’s right!” Alzhar whooped. Phaedra winked and blew her future son-in-law a kiss.

Devra’s smile was positively radiant, “Alright, alright well whatever. She says daisies look brightest when they’re down in the shits, but that’s not really the most appetizing turn of phrase now is it?” 

Everyone erupted in a mixture of laughter and cheer.

“Come on now, Dev.” Alzhar called out, “You’ve kept us waiting long enough. Sing!”

She rolled her eyes playfully, “Well since you asked so kindly,” She cleared her throat and began to croon,

“When my mama first warned me you’ve got trouble on your tail, I told her foxes are quick runners and my heart ain’t just for sale. I won’t be wooed by sweet flowers or sugar tea on ice, I just want someone who’ll love me and who’ll never think twice. I’ve-”

The tavern door burst open, letting in a howling blast of night-chilled air tinged with rain and frost. Everyone cringed back except Shadow, clutching at their thick coats and gasping at the sight of the being that came in from the darkness.

The female was anything but cold with her shining, warm eyes and radiant skin. She glowed like she'd been brushed with an otherworldly glimmer. She was sunlight shooting through crystal. 

Dev stopped singing immediately, her hands slipping from the worn out strings with a strangled thrum.

The Shadowsinger stumbled, actually stumbled, to his feet, and the world seemed to fall silent.

Shadows shot out towards her, curling around her legs and licking the hem of her midnight blue coat. She was the moonlit darkness given form, delicate and fierce at the same time. 

“Azriel.” She breathed out, finally giving a name to the nameless fae. “Azriel.” She repeated, still in disbelief.

The Shadowsinger - Azriel - walked forward without a sound, his scarred hands shaking at his sides.

She looked ready to throw her arms around him. Whether it was to embrace him or strangle him was yet to be seen.

Before she could make a move or say anything further, he dropped to his knees, head bowed and trembling. He swallowed thickly, keeping his eyes trained on the floor between her feet like he was scared to even look at her straight on.

If he had been looking at her, he would have seen the horrified shock that parted her lips and widened her eyes.

He pulled out that sleek obsidian blade he carried with him everywhere. The knife seemed to hum, the silent sound reverberating through the room and causing the air above it to warp.

Everyone knew that that knife was as much a part of him as his wings. But he held it out to her now like an offering, wings stretching open so that everyone could see the orange glow of the fire through the thin membrane, and the tendons that flowed through them like rivers.

Alzhar looked to his father in confusion. Was this some fae custom he wasn't aware of? Should they all be bowing to her? Perhaps she was their queen.

But his father only let out a slow breath, shoulders sinking down.

The Shadowsinger was the picture of reverent misery, and he would let her take whatever she wanted for her revenge.

His wings.

His life.

Anything...

Because I’m waiting for my mate to call me home.

That was what the Shadowsinger had revealed to him years ago, and Jadhan had never forgotten it. 

Because I’m waiting to die.

Her beautiful face crumpled, then turned resolute. She ignored the blade, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt and hauling him up to his feet. Azriel’s eyes blew open in surprise.

“You bastard. You absolute bastard.” She said, her silky voice shaking, “I’ve been looking for you for years.” 

“Y/n,” Azriel whispered reverently, “I-” 

She slammed her lips against his, swallowing whatever desperate apology had been about to escape his mouth.

The Shadowsinger froze, then slowly melted into her touch, wrapping his arms around her waist so tightly it was a miracle her ribs didn’t snap. Shadows swirled around the pair in a perfect mixture of light and dark - like moonlight bleeding through winter clouds. 

No one in the tavern could stand to look away. They were absolutely transfixed. Some great power was moving in the world and they could feel it. Magic or not, it demanded to be felt.

When the two fae finally pulled away from each other, gasping for breath, something in the earth seemed to crack open and shake the ground, releasing pressure that had been building for hundreds and hundreds of years. 

Tears slipped out of her eyes, salty and not entirely unwelcome. 

“Oh, Az.” She whispered, cradling his face with one hand and clutching her chest with the other. The Shadowsinger was weeping now, curling into her like a vine seeking sunlight, “How could I have forgotten this?”

He buried his face in her neck, breathing in the scent of elderflower and mountain pine like a man starved. His shadows grew around him, thick and powerful. And before anyone could even let out a strangled gasp, they disappeared with a whisper of smoke and shadow.

You reappeared in darkness, holding Azriel’s shaking body against you like an anchor to a ship. 

“I’m here, Az. I’m here.” You gently shushed him, tangling your fingers through his hair.

You scanned the room finding nothing but a rickety bed and a dresser in the corner by way of furniture, and a small pile of firewood against the wall.

Moonlight streamed in through the roof and you held out a hand, latching onto the rays and weaving them together so tightly they filled the room with a silver glow. 

“Az.” You whispered, all your attention turned back on him, on your mate. "Az." You gently shook him, pressing fervent kisses to his temple until he finally lifted his eyes.

Azriel looked exhausted, purple bruises shading the hollows beneath his gorgeous eyes. 

“How-” Azriel gasped, “How is this-” 

“Bryaxis brought my body to the Cauldron.” You finished, equally out of breath, “It took him years to put me back together but… he did it. He did it, Az.” 

Azriel closed his eyes, sinking to his knees. This time you let him fall. And you fell with him, climbing into his lap so he could bury his face in your wind-swept hair. 

Home.

You smelled like home to him.

“Promise me." He begged, "Promise me you’re real, Y/n. Please, promise me. I’ll-I'll do anything." He could feel you on the other end of the bond, your heart pulsing and alive. But… he didn’t know if he'd be able to survive if he woke in the morning to find that this was all some terribly perfect dream.

“I’m here, Az. I’m here.” You replied thickly, “I’m here and I’m whole.” You tugged off your coat, throwing it somewhere behind you, and pulled down the neck of your sweater. A thick line of scar tissue wrapped around your throat, one of the many physical reminders of the horrors Beron had put you through. 

Azriel stilled, one hand daring to trace the pale flesh with a feather-light touch. “I… I did this.” 

“No...No.” You whispered, brushing away the moisture that had collected on his cheeks, “You didn’t do this, Az.”

“I left you behind.” His voice broke. “I took Elain and I left you behind. Y/n, I’m so sorry. Please, I’m so sorry.” 

You flinched and closed your eyes. It was one of your worst memories to date - the sight of Azriel’s broken face as the first ash arrow caught you in the back and brought you to the ground. The second was what had done you in, piercing through the membrane of your wings and digging into the ground, pinning you there.

Azriel had only gripped Elain’s golden form closer to his body. He could only fly one of you out, and in that moment he had made his choice and leapt into the sky. 

Azriel felt your emotion through the bond and desperation flooded his system once again. 

He couldn’t lose you. Not again. Not like this. Not when he had so much to make up for. 

“I know what I did, Y/n. I know it was unforgivable, but I swear to you I will do anything you ask. Whatever it takes. If you’ll just give me a chance, I- ”

“Shhhhhhh.” You shook your head, pressing your finger to his lips and silencing him. “I forgive you, Az.” You said, cupping his face.

He immediately leaned into your touch, craving the feeling of your soft skin against his.

“I don’t-I don't want to think about that anymore. Trust me, I’ve spent the last half a century agonizing over it.” You said, smiling without humor.

His hands rubbed up and down your back, tracing the ruined remnants of your wings and silently begging you to explain.

You hesitated, collecting your words and speaking them carefully, “I would have come sooner but… I was so scared and confused about everything. My body didn’t feel like mine anymore without my wings with-'' Your hand flew up to your throat on instinct. 

Azriel gently pulled your fingers away, kissing the pads of your fingertips all the way to your palm, and then your wrist. His lips brushed against the pulsing vein as soft as a feather. It was such a small point of contact, but it grounded you to reality.

 “I couldn’t remember anything. It was like… like I was starting from scratch. Building my life from the ground up.”

Azriel repeated the gesture with your other hand, soft lips skimming over your skin until you shivered, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” He whispered softly, “I should have been there.” 

“You didn’t know.”

“I should have known.” 

You looked at him for a long time, drinking in the sight of him and refamiliarizing yourself with his face. He did the same with you.

He looked tired and thinner than you remembered, the elegant planes of his face now harsh and sharp. But buried beneath all those years of loneliness, he was still there - your Azriel. The male who never did anything in half-measures. The male who couldn’t help but make some of the most impulsive decisions you’d ever seen in your life, and also some of the most careful. 

Gods, you’d missed him.

You'd missed talking to him and laughing with him. You'd missed the simple joy of being in his presence and the way that the world seemed to fall with hush whenever he entered a room.

“I came for you as soon as I remembered.” You brushed a strand of inky black hair from his forehead, and then flicked him. Hard. “But you just had to go and disappear on the Continent without a trace.” 

That wasn’t completely true. He’d left bloody, brutal footprints for a while, but those had dried up too quickly. 

The smile Azriel gave was weak and dull, but it was a start, “I’m sorry I kept you waiting, Y/n.” 

“That’s alright." You murmured against his lips before kissing him, "You can make it up to me.” 

Azriel’s heart leapt in his chest, and the bond responded in kind, singing louder than a choir of a thousand songbirds. Even after all this time, even after everything, the Shadowsinger hoped. 

“Y/n-” That light began to dim, hateful voices whispering in his ear that he was unworthy of you, that he would destroy this chance at happiness just as swiftly as he’d done the first time, that he would ruin it all, “I don’t deserve-”

“Stop it, Az.” Your words were soft but commanding, “I don’t care about what you think you deserve or don’t deserve. I want you. I want my best friend back. I want you back.” You wiped the tears from your cheeks, “I want you back in Velaris, and if it turns out I’m still pissed at you for everything, we’ll figure it out, ok?” 

You took a shaky breath and Azriel looked up at you in awe. He gathered you in his arms and captured your lips in a softer, more gentle kiss. A kiss that said, I’m tired. I’m so so tired and for the first time in my life I’m going to force the voices that tell me terrible things to be silent.

And it worked for a spell, but Azriel was pulling away again, looking guilty. 

“Rhys-”

“I’ve already handled Rhys.” 

His brow arched up every so slightly. Your guilty eyes flitted to the side.

You loved Rhys like a brother, and you fought with him like siblings do. That was why the last thing you'd done before leaving Velaris was force him to lift the banishment... and then you'd punched him in the face.

“I wasn’t exactly happy with him when I found out he banished you to the Continent. And to the Midlands too. I’ve heard it’s terribly boring here.” 

Azriel smiled, and this time it was a genuine one full of love and relief, “Everywhere is terribly boring without you. And terribly painful.” 

“That’s a very good answer.” You replied, feeling that a great weight had been lifted off your chest.

He held you in a gentle caress, tracing your brow bone and the curve of your lips and committing the feeling of you to memory.

This was real. This was real. This was real.

You both folded in on each other like paper houses laid to rest, until you were tangled up on the floor. There was a perfectly functional bed not even four feet away, but even that seemed like too much effort after everything that had happened. 

Azriel wrapped his wings protectively around you, settling down with his head against your chest so he could hear your heartbeat. You hummed in tired contentment, peppering his forehead with kisses as your eyelids began to droop. 

“I want to go home, Azriel,” You murmured, “I want to go home with you.” 

Home. 

Azriel swallowed thickly, “We’ll leave tomorrow first thing in the morning. I promise.” 

You opened a bleary eye, examining your mate quietly, “Do you not want to say goodbye?” 

Azriel kissed your chest, right over your heart. Thirty years ago he would have said yes. He would have taken time to get his affairs in order and to make sure Jadhan and his sons, Phaedra and Devra, and the rest were taken care of. But things had changed, and he knew that no matter what, they would be alright. They would live and travel and fall in love. If they were lucky, they’d experience the joy of dying in their sleep surrounded by loved ones at the end of a long and eventful road. 

“No. No, I don’t think so.” 

You pressed one final kiss to his forehead, absorbing him in the warmth of your arms. Azriel sighed, hanging onto the golden thread in his chest that wrapped around his soul and bound him to you. 

“They’ll be ok, my love.” You murmured.

And so will we. You whispered the promise down the bond, soft and gentle. 

He closed his eyes, pressing the words I love you into your skin.

“I know.” He whispered to the night sky once your breathing had evened out, “I know.” 

That night at the tavern felt like a dream - the kind that left you groggy and awestruck when you initially awoke, and then slipped away like water cupped in a child’s hands. 

Everything seemed louder than before, even though the townspeople walked about in a contemplative daze. It was the forest. That’s what it was. It hummed more brightly. The blanket of power that had rested over the treetops for decades had lifted overnight. 

No one spoke of the events aloud - they were too aware of the enormity of what they’d witnessed - but they all knew the truth.

The Shadowsinger had finally been called home. 

___

“Quick!” Alzhar’s eldest son, Samu, called out to the twins. They hobbled over as quickly as their stout legs could carry them. 

“Samu,” Niran whined, “I’m tired.”

“Papa said to be back by dark.” Rhaan reminded them all. The only trademark that separated him from his twin brother was the flash of blond through his ruddy brown hair. White-tailed deer they called him.

“I want dinner.” 

“Me too.” 

Samu looked over the hills where the sun was sliding down the sky like rain on a window.

“But we haven’t found the house yet!” He protested.

“We’ve been searching for days.”

“Yeah, we’ve been searching for days.” Niran parroted.

“Of course we have!” He threw his hands up in the air, “Did you really think the Shadowhouse would be easy to find?” He clicked his tongue in disappointment, shaking his head, “Go back if you’re so scared. I’ll look for it myself.” 

Niran and Rhaan looked at each other, identical frowns pulling at their lips. They wanted to prove their worth, but they were still younger than Samu, and their hunger mattered more.

“We’re telling Mama you didn’t listen.”

“I want your dessert.”

“Wait, no. I want it. Can we share?”

“I’m not sharing!”

Samu smiled triumphantly and stomped further into the woods, leaving the twins to their usual bickering.

The little boy sprinted back home hours later, a gleeful kick in his step. The sky was already turned pitch black, but the Mother had sprinkled out the stars like salt to guide him home.

Devra stood in the doorway with her hands on her hips, swollen belly blocking out the roaring firelight like an eclipse. 

“Where have you been?” She gasped out, grabbing Samu’s head and holding him close to her stomach. Samu loved when she did this, convinced that his newest sibling would talk to him first. 

Niran and Rhaan wanted another brother to tussle with, but Samu was hoping for a sister. She could tussle with them too, he was sure.

He ignored her question, grabbing her hand and hauling her back inside, “Papa! BaBa! I found it! I found the Shadowhouse.” 

Niran and Rhaan popped out from their bedroom, clambering after their older brother as he dragged their mother along.

Jadhan and Alzhar looked up with relief. Jadhan’s hair had turned white as snow in his old age and hints of gray were beginning to sprout from Alzhar’s temples.

“Papa!”

“Samu, what have we told you about staying out past-”

“The Shadowsinger left something for you and Baba.”

“What?!” Jadhan sat up straighter, grimacing at the painful twist of his leg. He motioned his grandson closer, helping him climb onto the bed.

The little boy dropped the blue-velvet bag into his outstretched hands, leaning back on his heels with rapt attention. Samu, being the boy that he was, hadn’t opened it on the whole journey over and was now buzzing to learn what secrets it held within.

Jadhan was immediately startled by the weight of the parcel. 

“Open it!”

“Wait! I want to see!” 

“Help me up!” 

Alzhar and Devra relented, picking up the twins and leaning close. Their own curiosity was itching to be satisfied.

Jadhan opened the bag and tipped it over spilling dozens of gold coins onto the quilt. Devra gasped, her hands flying up to her mouth. Alzhar didn’t bother hiding his shock, his mouth agape. 

It was more money than they’d ever seen in their lives, Jadhan didn’t concern himself with it - he hadn’t had to worry about money in a long while. Instead, he picked up the slip of paper that had also fallen out, carefully unfolding it with trembling, wrinkled fingers.

For all the drinks “on the house” and for your son, Mikhail, who traveled to the edges of the Continent and made it possible for my mate to find me and bring me home.

Scrawled on the lower edge of the paper were more words, cramped and small like they’d been jotted down as an after-thought. 

Also, your whiskey is absolutely disgusting. Never let anyone else drink it.

Everyone stilled, watching Jadhan carefully. 

Without warning, the old man tipped his head back and roared with laughter.

Samu leaned back in surprise. His grandfather was a naturally solemn man, and he'd never heard him laugh so loudly and so fiercely.

Alzhar reached for the slip of paper, skimming the words quickly.

"No!" He cried out in disbelief, "Stop! This can't be. Devra, look-"

One by one the adults fell into fits of roaring laughter, collapsing onto Jadhan's bed or onto the floor. Even the boys cheered - confused but happy to be part of whatever story had just finished unfolding.

Jadhan was seventy-one years old when he died, and he died laughing, surrounded by his family at the end of a long road.

Down the street in the tavern, the band was still playing the same old songs, although they were being performed by yet another generation of songbirds. But, there was one new addition to the repertoire.

A song penned by Phaedra and aptly named The Ballad of the Shadowsinger years before her quiet passing. 

It was always the last song of the night. Always. And it ended like this: 

Come Solstice day

Come wind or rain

Now calls the heather

The Midlands will have no reason to dismay

For the Shadowsinger has been called home again

___________

Another author's note:

I feel like I threw in so many new human characters so I made a family tree. Ha!

Also, please enjoy the small essay I wrote last night after writing this oneshot...

From last night:

Listen, some red flags are just pale orange scraps of fabric when you’re an immortal non-human being who’s been alive for hundreds of years. Don’t come for me. I’m so tired. It’s 3am. I should sleep. 

Ok, note from Florence B at 3:16am because I am making CONNECTIONS. Not all of this was intentional, but maybe it was? Maybe I’m just stringing connections after the fact.  Maybe I’m a genius. Probably not, but still. I’m so tired, guys. Why am I doing this right now? I should be sleeping but I can’t sleep so I’m going to do this instead.

Buckle down folks for the essay I am about to write: 

I have my qualms about the ACOTAR books, as I’m sure most people do. Don’t get me wrong, they’re wonderful reads and it’s the series that got me back into reading after college, but they’re not perfect by any means.

One thing I think that gets brushed under the rug (especially given how ALL the batboys fall for girls who are literally in their late teens/mid-twenties - it’s a major red flag but we forgive because it’s fiction) is how DIFFERENTLY fae experience time. LIke, these fuckers live hundreds, if not THOUSANDS of years. The only way they die is if they get killed, like purposely poisoned or stabbed or whatever have you. I tried to write this/touch upon this when Azriel describes how he’s jealous of Jadhan for his humanity and how no matter what, Azriel is stuck potentially living an ETERNITY with the reality of what he’s done. It’s why for me - personally - all the stuff about the mate bond driving males mad or the choice that Rhysand and Feyre make to bind their lives to one another kind of makes sense. Like, if I was faced with an eternal life sentence in a world that was as brutal and cruel as the ACOTAR universe is, HECK YEAH I MIGHT BIND MY LIFE TO SOMETHING/SOMEONE I CARED ABOUT! I’M NOT DOING THIS SHIT ALONE! You’ve gotta retire from the game at SOME point. 

I know I probably made things really confusing by introducing a whole host of human characters spanning several generations (re: the family tree up above), but as I previously mentioned, I thought it was important to do this to contextualize/compare the lifespan of a fae to a normal human. While Jadhan is growing up, getting a job, getting married, having kids, Azriel is still struggling with his banishment to the Midlands and his own sense of self-worth. The line about Jadhan approaching Azriel and offering him money to kill his abusive father who broke his leg was thrown in there later on around the 1am mark. And I didn’t think of it much - I just wanted a reason for Azriel to know Jadhan personally throughout his life from childhood to old age. BUT! Now that I think I’m thinking about it more, it makes sense that Azriel would be able to accept Y/n’s forgiveness so quickly. He sees a lot of himself in young Jadhan and by helping him escape his abusive father(albeit by violent means) and watching him grow up into a strong man and a good father, Azriel’s helping heal his own inner child. 

The kids! Oh my goodness I love the kids so much. Once I threw the first kid into the story I thought - fuck it, we’re going to make the parallelism painfully obvious with Azriel seeing himself, Rhys, and Cassian mirrored in Mikhail, Alzhar, and Zhik. Then of course I had to bring things around full circle and give Alzhar three boys and a girl on the way (yes, Devra is pregnant with a girl and Samu is going to shower her with all the love that Rhys gave his own sister). 

Finally, I’m going to address any comments about Y/n forgiving Azriel too quickly. 1) I feel like it is a universally acknowledged/unacknowledged truth that no one hates Azriel as much as he hates himself. And no punishment could ever be worse than the self-loathing he feels for himself (NOTE: people, if a partner/romantic love interest/friend/crush/whatever EVER says this kind of stuff to you, drop them like a two-ton boulder. That’s a major red flag, but once again this is a fictional man/fae so we can let it slide). 2) Once again, these fae are literally HUNDREDS OF YEARS OLD. I can only speak for myself when I say this, but I feel like if I had known and loved someone for that long, I would be willing to forgive a lot and trust that time might be able to heal deeper wounds than humans are used to. Time is precious to us humans, we can’t always afford to wait and hope for things to get better on their own, but fae can. 

Are those all my thoughts? I think those are all my thoughts. It’s 3:47am now. Oh jeez. To future me: I’m so sorry if you have to read this and it’s bad and you have a coffee-fueled headache all day because I fucked things up for us. 

[mxtantrights]

where you go, I go

a/n: okay so while I'm writing this whole series for azriel just know that I had this other recurring dream about a plot like this. I couldn't really make it a fully fleshed out story with a happy ending so I decided to type it all out and make it a one-shot with angst and not a lot of comfort (this is your warning, this doesn't end happily) anyways with all of that said, if you decide to read this please enjoy and tell me what you think! <333 also happy valentines day <333

azriel x assassin!fem!reader

5.1k words

The day court was home to many things. Vibrant colors, warm waters, ancient books and of course the very ancient and magical day blade. It's your job to know where that this is at all times.

You can't possibly understand why the shadow singer would try to steal it. Try being the operative word here. While you did sense him enter your court and break into the room where the blade was, it wouldn't have mattered.

Seeing as it is your job to protect the blade at all costs, it never leaves your sight. But that didn't mean you couldn't have fun with those who wanted so badly to get it.

In your pocket you feel a piece of paper appearing suddenly. You reach inside and unfold it. It's Helion. He's requesting your presence. You smile to yourself, this would be fun.

You leave your hiding place, the palace had many hidden rooms and hallways, and walk over to Helion's day room. As you approach from the hallway you can hear multiple conversations being had.

The door is closed so you open it slightly.

"There she is! Come in and greet my guests!" he says happily.

You make sure you face is kept neutral. You had an image to upkeep in this court.

The people respect you and fear you in the same breath. You don't go around killing people but you do often get justice in ways that aren't in the parameters of the law. Whether that be stringing up robbers and looters from their pants, or burning down the houses of dirty criminals.

You keep your eyes straight, not looking any of his guests in the eye. You walk until you are standing behind Helion who sits in his usual seat.

"I was just telling Feyre that I enjoy the new company. This is the inner circle." he says to you.

You nod once.

"She doesn't talk?" Nesta asks.

You know all of them. It's your duty to know The Who's who of the courts. The inner circle of the night court. High Lord Rhysand and High Lady Feyre-Curse breaker. Her sisters Elaine and Nesta. Rhysand's brothers Cassian and Azriel. Morrigan, past fiancee of Eris Vanserra. Amren, a mythical creature of serious power.

Helion laughs at Nesta's question. He knows you talk. He knows you very well, seeing as he practically raised you. But that information isn't public knowledge.

"She does, but not when theres something wrong." Helion answers.

You look at all of them now. How the girl closest to the shadow singer, Elaine, looks worried. And it's quick, you almost don't catch it, but you're so good at your job at this point.

"Trouble in the day court?" Rhysand says.

You lean over and whisper into Helion's ear about the blade. How the shadow singer came here to steal it, on a mission from his high lord. How he thinks he got away with it.

The room goes quiet as you pull back and Helion sits back in his chair. He loves the dramatics you pull off every single time someone tries to take the blade. The last person you caught was really delighted to be drowned in glitter, confetti and manure.

"Is there something you're forgetting?" Helion asks.

Rhysand looks at his inner circle with an incredulous smile. Then he looks to you, no doubt trying to read your mind. You can't imagine this will go over well either.

You can't feel it. The daemati powers that certain fae have don't work on you. You're not really sure why. Might have something to do with your unknown lineage. Or your overall hardheadedness-so Helion says.

Rhysand cocks his head to the side at your unmoving posture. He's still looking at you. You however are taking in the shadow singer. He's sitting there, not bothering to look at anyone. He must really think he got the blade.

"What would that be?" Feyre asks this time.

"Well, when you want something that another has you usually ask." Helion says.

At that everyone at the table grows grim. Caught red handed is what it seems like. You still manage to hide you smile though.

"Helion..." Rhysand starts.

"If you were anyone else I would have you locked up already. But lucky for me my security system is top notch." Helion smiles and grabs his glass for another sip of what could only be wine.

At his words the shadow singer now looks at the high lord. Your high lord. His face bares no emotion, like he can't afford to give a way a secret or smile.

You've heard about his reputation. But at this point that's all it is. He couldn't even steal from you correctly. This has to be the most interesting thing that's happened this year. You don't get around to much outsider business, you tend to stay out of it.

"I don't think it is." the shadow singer says.

Helion stifles a laugh. But you can hear it. And you know if you can hear it they all can. The room is big but not big enough that guests at a table can't hear things.

"Care to relieve them of their misery?" he looks up to you and asks.

You didn't really want to. But then again you'd have to play nice with them. Helion seems to like this group. Or most likely, his son is friends with this group and he wants to be friends with his son.

You sigh, "Take out the blade."

You watch in amusement as everyone at the table looks at each other. As if they all don't know what they really came here for. The shadow singer though, he's different. He's looking right at you.

His shadows materialize the blade right on the table for everyone to see. Cassian, gives him a look. But Azriel doesn't seem to see it or care.

"That's not the blade." Helion quips.

You call the blade to you with your powers. Being gifted with the ability to control sun made objects is fun most of the time. Most living things are sun made in a sense. So really you could control all things, to a certain extent.

The blade comes flying into your hand. As soon as it makes contact with your skin it transforms. The metal of the blade turns into a vibrant green stem. And the helm turns into the face of a sunflower.

Azriel seems to go through a range of emotions. First confusion. Then understanding. And then the last one, well you can't actually pin down the last one. You've gotten good at reading people but he's harder than others.

"The blade is safe in the day court, where it will remain until you ask for it." Helion says.

Rhysand lets of a breath, "I am sorry about lying, but we're short on time."

"And I thought our alliance was stronger than that. I am sorry too." Helion replies.

Helion stands from his seat, causing the others to match his actions. The sound of chairs on marble floors reaches your ears. You take a step back and cross your hands behind your back.

"We need the blade for a mission." Feyre speaks.

"It could be a simple mission or the end of the world. The fact that you have no respect to ask me tells me everything I need to know." Helion says casually.

You know that he is hurt by their lying. It's not deep, but it's there. He thought he could trust them. He thought because they had good relations with him before that they were better than the actions they are displaying right now.

Of course you know of the good bond between them. Which is why you don't understand why they didn't just ask. Unless there is a well justified reason. Why not ask the high lord for the blade unless he was implicated somehow.

How could Helion be implicated in a mission from the night court. He doesn't know anything, or he would have offered them the blade himself. No this is something he's not at the center of. But it still concerns him.

Lucien. You look at the guests around the room. He is no where to be found. True he's not part of the inner circle. He's an emissary. But if it was something the inner circle could simply ask Helion for, why not butter him up with his son?

Lucien may or may not know what going on.

"Where's Lucien?" you ask.

At you question all of the heads move to you. Right, you hadn't spoken to them this whole time. Well you weren't going to give them a smile and greet them kindly.

"What business do you have with him?" Nesta asks.

"He's in Spring. Managing relations." Rhysand answers.

You nod your head. Spring. If that answer can even be trusted. Let's say you do trust it for the moment.

The inner circle needs the day blade. They didn't want to ask for it. They didn't let Lucien come.

"Were you planning on returning it?" you ask again.

Nesta, rolls her eyes at your question. You can't help the giddiness you feel of getting under her skin. You hardly did anything to warrant it. But it felt kind of good.

"As soon as we were done." Azriel answers this time.

You don't ignore the stress he puts not he word soon. You also don't ignore the way his eyes seem to never leave yours.

"That blade is our most powerful weapon. We don't just give it out to anyone." Helion chimes in.

He maneuvers around his chair and stands behind you. When he grips both of your shoulders with his hands, you can tell he's smiling even if you can't see him.

"But I will let you use it," Helion continues, "on one condition."

"Go ahead." Rhysand says.

"Wherever the blade goes, she goes." Helion says.

"That won't be necessary." Nesta says.

At the same time Cassian says, "That's odd."

Helion shrugs his shoulders and lets go of you. He leans into your ear to whisper his next words very carefully. When you understand him and what he wants, you nod your head only once.

He grabs the sunflower from your hands as you uncross them from behind you. Helion stands next to you now. You watch as Helion brings the flower up to his nose and gives it a sniff.

"We agree to those terms." Azriel speaks up.

"Woah hold on-" Rhysand tries to cut in.

"Great. I think this will be beneficial to both courts." your high lord agrees.

You turn to face him now, your back towards the guests. Helion was looking at you with a very faint smile. You heard every word he whispered to you. And you understand the reason why: Family.

What you don't get it is why he won't just speak to Lucien himself. Why play nice with a high lord that knows his son when he can just reach out to him? Invite him to the day court or send him a letter.

Everyone in this room knows Lucien is Helion's son, except Lucien. And now your mission is to tell him so that he might finally have a true place to call home.

Helion wouldn't so easily agree to lending out the blade like this if it weren't for Lucien. And the night court wouldn't try to steal it if Lucien did know, because he could just ask on their behalf.

Your shoulders sag at the thought. You had no interactions with Lucien. You only ever heard of him from Helion and he only started referring to him as his son a couple of months ago.

It'll be you. You'll be the one to see him, come eye to eye to him, and tell him the truth.

You can see it in his eyes. The sadness. You'd do anything for him. He's a father figure to you. And you'll see this through, for his sake and Lucien's too.

"Promise me you'll smile a little bit during your trip." Helion says.

"The Sun Wraith doesn't smile." you answer.

"You're the Sun Wraith?" Cassian's voice asks.

You turn around and face the general. It's all over his face. The look of shock. It wasn't hard to become something of a legend in this court and the ones surrounding it.

"Even people in the night court are scared of you." Nesta says.

On her face seems to be another emotion. Not fear. Not shock. Something lighter amongst the surface. Admiration maybe? You aren't too sure.

"I'll grab my things." you say to no one in particular.

"And the blade." Azriel's voice sounds.

"I never go anywhere without it." you say, reaching behind you.

Grabbing the flaps of your yellow vest you flip it over and your hand wraps around the hilt of the blade. You pull it out for all of them to see.

"Best security in all of the courts." Helion jokes.

-

THREE WEEKS LATER

The mission has barely begun and you hate it here. You hate it in the night court. The days are shorter and you feel pale without even looking into a mirror most days. Nothing beats the sun of the day court on your skin.

Amren had told you it would get better. After your first meeting she had taken a liking to you. You were told by several members in the inner court that it was no easy feat. She talked to you the most out of everyone.

Second to her, came Nesta who was just curious about the things you allegedly did or did not do. You held off on telling her anything too juicy. It was funny toying with her with the details. She also likes your fighting style. Morrigan too.

Azriel talks to you. Sometimes. He's friendly to a point. Cassian is more friendlier than him but you're starting to understand it's just in his nature. Feyre and Rhysand are cordial. Elaine is, well you've been told that she's nice but you haven't really seen it. She greets you but that's it.

The inner circle didn't get on your nerves. But you also had your own mission. Deliver the news to Lucien that Beron isn't his father, Helion is.

Which is why though this whirlwind of a mission you're laying down on path of grass outside of the House of Wind. Weird. What was even weirder was the fact that Velaris, a secret city inside of the night court, has existed for so long with no one none the wiser.

You squeeze your eyes shut. Trying to turn your brain off. It wasn't working. The sun wasn't the same, it does't feel the same. You can't call off this mission either.

"Is this what you do in the day court?"

You'd know that voice anywhere. Which is weird to say as you've known the male for a couple of weeks now. But it's true. Azriel's voice was distinguishable from others. A bit low, but still soft. Clear.

"Yes." you answer.

"Is that all the explanation you can give me?"

"Yes."

You think he'll go away. He plays nice because you have the blade. He needs the blade, which means he needs you. Once he no loner needs the blade he won't need you.

When you hear the sound of him getting closer you want so badly to open your eyes. But you don't. You keep them closed. As much as you want to open them and see what he's doing.

The sound of him laying down beside you on the grass is one you weren't expecting. Also the feeling of soft cold tendrils nipping at your arm.

"It feels...nice. A bit cold." he speaks.

Of course he'd complain about he cold. Nesta had told you that Illyrians were whiny babies. You'd seen it personally when Cassian couldn't get a certain dish because there were no more potatoes for the day.

And now here his brother is. Complaining.

You hold up your left hand, the one close to him.

"Give me your hand." you command.

You half expect him to decline. To maybe even get up and leave. Or maybe say that he doesn't mind the cold. The other half of you expects him to just listen you-to see where it goes.

He takes your hand. You focus on letting the additional warmth you normally feel from the sun flow from your hand and into his.

Out of all the things you half expect and do expect, his laugh is something you don't plan for. It's deep. It comes from his core. It's gentle too. Which you wouldn't get just from looking at him.

"It's warm." he says.

"That's how the sun feels in the day court." you answer.

"I think you just spoke more than three words to me."

You scoff, "Don't get used to it."

"That was four words."

"Shut up."

"Two. We're regressing."

"Azriel."

"I'll be quiet now."

This is how you spend your time. If you are not training with Morrigan, Amren and Nesta. Or not eating with Cassian in the kitchen. You are laying out on the grass with Azriel in the sun.

It happens more times than you care to admit as the mission goes on.

-

ONE MONTH LATER

This place, Velaris, was starting to grow on you. You didn't want to admit that out loud, or in your letters to Helion. Or how well you were gettign on with Azriel. The trips into the city, the lingering glances and words with hidden layers.

You letters should only have on subject, Lucien.

He has been back from the spring court for two weeks now. You've taken that time to get to know him. You couldn't fathom unleashing the truth on him as a stranger. You don't need to be his friend. But he needs to at least trust the words coming out of your mouth when you say them.

Family dinner they called it. Even though only three of them were related to each other. But you guess that what makes their family unique. They choose each other, every day.

This meal was special. Seeing as you had finished the mission that Helion sent you on to protect the blade. There was a fae that needed to be tracked down and would only come out of hiding if he could see the sun blade.

Of course you didn't let him, but you did convince him that the fake blade you passed onto him was the real thing. When he found it wasn't after he revealed his intentions with it he got angry.

Angry enough to rain hellfire down on both you and Azriel. If it weren't for your fast thinking and powers you both wouldn't have made it out in one piece.

Now you're sat with the inner circle to celebrate your feat.

Someone clears their throat. This drags your gaze from the redheaded male to the dark haired one. The both of them were sitting in front of you.

How the mother is cruel and precious at the same time. One male is your mission which you planned for. The other male you didn't plan for, and yet...

"Az was asking if you miss home." Morrigan says from your side.

"Dearly. But its not bad here." You speak, not quite realizing what you just did.

You watch as Azriel's smile grows and grows on is lips. It hits you then.

"Wipe that smile off your face before I take it back." you say to him.

"No I don't think I will." he jokes.

You shake your head with a light laugh. You can pick up on his laugh too from across the table.

"Well if it means anything, you fit in well here." Amren speaks up.

Everyone at the table quiets down at that. You look over at her, peering around Morrigan. You nod once at the sentiment.

"You need to tell him." Elaine says suddenly.

You look to her sharply. She's gotten better about speaking to you. More than a greeting but still less than a conversation. It does weird you out some times but you let it go for the most part.

"Oh?" you ask rhetorically.

"Elaine I don't think we should discuss this here." Feyre starts.

"He needs to know." Elaine says again.

It upsets you. She is his mate. She is the one connected to him. She has known this secret longer than you. But you'll be the one to tell him? She doesn't want to get her hands dirty. None of them do.

"What do I need to know?" Lucien asks all of a sudden.

You look to him. Hoping nothin is being given away by your face. When no one answers him he scoffs lightly to himself and looks around at the table.

This is happening now.

"It's obviously about me, none of you can look me in the eye except for her." Lucien continues.

"I can tell you, in private." you offer.

He nods his head and gets up from his seat. You follow his lead and get up too. The two of you walk out of the dining room and onto the balcony. You pull the door close behind you.

"Before you say anything, do they all know about this?" he asks.

He can't be asking about Elaine. She's the whole reason you're having this conversation right now. No, he's talking about Feyre. His friend. Or who he thought was his friend.

What can be left of a friendship after a lie like this?

"Yes." you answer simply.

Lucien shakes his head, "Okay, you can tell me now."

You take him in. The tense shoulders. The bowed head. His hair is perfectly combed behind his back. In this light, he looks like Helion. Not too much, but just enough.

How do you up end someone's life?

"Lucien do you ever think about what it felt like growing up with Beron as your father?" you ask.

Lucien looks at you sharply, "It was unspeakable. I wouldn't wish that life on anyone."

"And it shouldn't have been yours either." you reply.

His brows furrow. Right in the middle like they want to meet so badly. You wonder if he's felt like an outsider before. If he's ever felt it amongst his brothers. The black sheep.

"When my mission is over here, do you think you could come back with me to the day court?" you ask softly.

His face goes from confusion to somewhat understanding. But you haven't told him enough for him to completely get what you're saying, what you're asking of him.

"A couple of times Eris tried to make me visit the day court." Lucien admits.

You nod your head at that. Of course. Ever the perfect actor. You knew him for a little slice of time in your life. A period in which you won't ever forget. He was your first kiss. You were young and kids, trying to figure out your own way in life.

Kissing Eris, the treacherous fox of the autumn court, was every bit exciting at your age. You gossiped, and word got around. But he didn't deny it. For all the lies and manipulation he pulled you thought he might say you were delusional, that you had made it all up. But he backed you claim.

Eris knew Lucien wasn't Beron's son. Eris probably protected him as best he could. In his own, Eris way. Whatever that means.

"You can invite him too." you say.

Lucien looks past you. No doubt at the inner circle lingering inside. If you were in his position you wouldn't even go back in there. You'd never talk to any of them again.

"I'll take my leave now, but thank you. For being honest." he says.

You give him a small smile, "To be clear I was to tell you the news in a gentle manner. What just happened was out of my hands."

"I get it. I'll see you around." he says.

You bid him goodbye. Then he's walking past you. You hear the door open and how voices inside seem to call his name. You don't hear him respond to any of them. You hear the front door slam.

With a breath you turn around and head back inside too. When you do everyone is looking right at you. It unnerves you. You hate it.

"I've done your dirty work now. I think I'll call it a night." you speak.

"He didn't deserve to find out like that." Feyre says.

"You're right, he deserved honesty from his friends." you retort.

"You were sent here to tell him the truth. Am I wrong?" Rhysand asks.

You turn to face him clearly. You can't believe he just said that. You cannot believe he formed the words with his mouth to say that to you.

Without saying another word you walk right out of the dinning room. You ignore Nesta and Amren calling out to you. And you ignore the shadow that walks with you right out of the room and into he hallway.

As soon as you get inside of your guest room the shadow disappears.

SUNRISE, THE NEXT DAY

You're skip training and packing for home instead. You wish you could pack faster but that isn’t possible. You don’t want to be here for another second. Not in this court, not among the inner circle.

When you throw in your last few shirts into the luggage a knock raps on the door. You don’t know who it is, but if it is Rhysand or Elaine you won’t open the door.

“Who is it?” You ask.

“It's me, can you open up?”

You go over to the door and open it. Standing there on the threshold is Azriel.

“I’ll be leaving soon.” You say.

His eyes seem to widen at that. You watch as he peers over you and takes in the bareness of the room, and the packed luggage. He straightens himself out.

“Why so soon? It feels like you just got here.” He replies. 

Based on his words alone he doesn’t want you to leave. You can feel it too. How it’s only been a month or so but the two of you are comfortable around each other. 

You sigh, “The mission is over.”

“And we’re back to this? Four word sentences?” He asks.

“Azriel.”

He looks down both sides of the hallway. His head turning left then right. Then he’s turning back to you. He looks nervous. Antsy. He doesn’t normally look that way. He’s usually so composed. 

He takes you by surprise. He side steps into the room and closes the door behind him. At that you know your eyes go wide. He holds up his hands in defense.

“I’m sorry, I���m sorry for that but I just—are you mad at me?” He asks.

You scoff, “Yes I am.”

“Okay I knew that, but I was also confused because on that mission you saved my life.”

“Hardly.” You answer simply.

He groans at your one word answer, “You made sure those arrows didn’t plant themselves in my wings. You made sure I was safe.”

“It was nothing.” 

“No it was something.” 

You’re catching on now to how tense he is. Tense or nervous you can’t tell. His eyes are frantic. His breathing is also uneven. And his shadows are fully out on display now.

You do the one thing you can think of. You reach out for his hand. He doesn’t even seem to notice it. When you make contact he looks you in the eye. “Please calm down.” You whisper.

He bows his head, his hair covering his face now. All of a sudden he sinks to his knees. The action catches you completely off guard. 

“I’m sorry.” He says again.

You focus on sending him warmth from your hand. In a second you can see his shoulders begin to shake. From this angle you can’t tell just yet if it’s what you think it is. 

So you bring your free hand to the side of his face. You feel it. In the palm of your hand you feel his wet cheek. He’s crying. Azriel the shadow singer is crying, on his knees in front of you.

“I could have died and for the first time in a very long time I felt this deep regret in the bottom of my belly.” He chokes out.

What would he have to regret? 

Slowly you drag you hand down his cheek. You place your pointer finger under his chin. Titling his head up, you meet his eyes. From this close you hadn’t realize how many shades of brown they hold.

“Azriel, you’re okay. I promise you you’re okay.” You whisper.

He shuts his eyes, more tears flowing down his face now. 

“I don’t think I will be.” He admits.

“Why?” You ask.

He opens his eyes again. 

“Because you hate us now, you’ll never come back here.” He answers.

In a sense he was right. Not totally. You didn’t hate the inner circle. You just couldn’t stand what they did last night. How they acted, how none of them would fess up. Even though some of them had known Lucien for a long time.

But you didn’t hate them. You didn’t hate him.

“I don’t hate you.” You reply.

“I could see it on your face last night. And now, you’re leaving so quickly. You want nothing to do with us.” He adds on.

There’s silence between the two of you. The emotions Azriel is feeling right now feel heavy. Way too heavy for someone he’s only spent about two months with. 

You had heard many rumors about him. But him being like this, wearing his heart on his sleeve like this? You don’t think you could have ever imagined it.

Remembering that he’s waiting for you to answer, you remember to speak.

“Yes I’m upset and I want to go home. But that doesn’t mean I never want to see you again. Azriel I really enjoyed my time with you.” You speak.

You don’t realize it but your hand is stroking his now. 

He gives you a look you can’t figure out, “Why does it feel like that time is over already? Like I’ll never see you again?” 

He reaches up and places your hand on his cheek again. You don’t emit the warmth from there but he nuzzles into your hand like you are. His thumb rubs back and forth on the back of your hand there.

“You talk like everything is set in stone. Like there is only one path.” You say.

“I can just, sense it.” He explains barely.

You shake you head, “Azriel I was always going to leave.”

“Not like this. Last night changed everything.” He says, but it comes out more like a whisper.

“Get up.” 

He looks at you, a bit of shock. You watch as he follows your command and gets back on his feet. He keeps your hand pressed to his face the whole time. Your other hand falls to your side.

“You can come visit me.” You say.

He’s silent. Silent but he nods his head at your words. You’re not sure if he believes you fully. But it’s enough. He wipes the tears from his face. His wings perk up, off the floor now.

You wrap your arms around his body before you can think against it. Instantly you feel his arms around you. Pulling you closer. He rests his head on top of yours. It feels right. It feels natural. No, it feels like something else too.

It feels the exact same way the sunlight in the day court feels on your skin. Like it is meant to be.

part two here!

[tsunami-of-tears]

Healing Hands

Poly+ ACOTAR Week 2024 - Day 2 (Comfort)

Cazriel x Healer Reader

Summary: When Azriel and Cassian require healing, they can always rely on their friend, Y/N, to help them out.

Pairing Masterlist

Wordcount: 1.6K

Warnings: injury/illness; slight angst; mostly fluff.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *

Reader

When you first saw Azriel, cloaked in shadows, you thought death had finally come for you. 

Instead, he offered you a new chance at life. 

You couldn't help but develop a little crush. Gods, he was so handsome. Attractive and kind - you were done for. 

And then there was Cassian. He was so easy to get along with, the two of you were fast friends, especially with the amount of injuries the male received. 

You wondered if he was doing it on purpose, as a way to spend more time with you. You shake your head, trying to rid the thought from your mind. ‘Don’t be silly, why would he do that when his job requires him to be in peak physical condition?’ 

You managed to stay professional, for the most part. Cassian made it very hard with all of his flirting. You quickly realised it helped to take his mind off the pain while you were healing him. So, taking a holistic approach, you joined in on his games to help him through it. 

Azriel, on the other hand, was always on his best behaviour. You got to see a side of him that’s usually kept hidden behind his shadows. A soft side. The two of you would talk and talk while you patched him up. You’d chat about everything, new books, music, that new bakery by the Sidra that made the most divine cakes…

Getting on with Cassian and Azriel was easy. What wasn’t easy was battling your growing feelings for both of them. 

————

You’re working on restocking your salves and tonics, humming a song from your village as you grind magical herbs together. You’re interrupted by a sharp knock on the door. “Come in,” you say cheerily, stepping away from the work to greet your visitor. 

The door opens and Cassian enters your small clinic with a bright pink nose and red, puffy eyes. “Y/N, I think I’m dying,” he sniffles. 

You move closer and press your hand against Cassian’s forehead, letting your powers diagnose him.

“I’ve seen you with far worse ailments than allergies, Cassian.”

“You try not being able to breathe and see how you like it,” he responds.

“Take a seat, I was just finishing up a tonic that will help.” You gesture towards the stool on the other side of your workstation and you go back to mixing the tonic. Cassian watches you working in unusual silence. The only sounds in the room are the grinding of your mortar and pestle and the occasional sneeze. 

“Remind me to stock up on this if we ever visit Spring,” you smile, handing Cassian the glass vial. He downs the amber liquid in one big gulp. Within minutes his symptoms start to wane. Cassian stands and lifts you into a big hug, spinning you around. 

“Thank you, you’re a lifesaver, Y/N.” Cassian beams, planting a loud kiss on the top of your head as he sets you on your feet. 

You laugh in response to his affection. “It’s nothing,” you say.

You both turn at the sound of a male cough. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Azriel drawls. 

“Just saving Cassian’s life. Again,” you wink.

“Thanks again Y//N.” Cassian kisses you on the cheek on his way out of the clinic, leaving you alone with the shadow singer.

You scan Azriel’s face. He’s got dark circles under his eyes and a haunted look on his face.

“What can I help you with, Az?” you ask.

“Just some scrapes, I’ve become such a baby since you’ve been around,” he smiles but it doesn't quite reach his eyes. 

“It’s always my pleasure to help.” You turn to look through your jars of salves, grabbing one with numbing properties. 

You turn towards Azriel, motioning for him to take a seat. You grab his hand, your powers doing a quick scan - you can sense he has some minor scraps on his knuckles, but he’s also got something wrong in his chest - your powers can't quite determine what it is. 

You do your best to keep the concern from your face as you start to work the salve into his knuckles. Azriel shuts his eyes as you massage his hands. 

“Az,” you say softly, approaching the topic hesitantly, “is there anything else I should know about?”

He opens his eyes, looking into yours, “like what? I’m fine,” he says.

“You haven't had any pain elsewhere?” You push.

“No, why would I?”

“Well, I don't want to alarm you but my magic has never been wrong before. It’s detected something other than these scrapes…” You point towards his chest, right over his heart, “There’s something wrong here.”

Azriel exhales through his nose, “Oh, that. It’s nothing I can’t handle.’”

You frown at the male, sighing. Illyrians were a stubborn breed, you decided. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

Azriel nods and leaves your clinic, leaving you wondering what worries plague him and what you can do to help. 

————

Azriel continues to mope around for a few days, the dark circles never leaving his face. Not even Mor can get him to smile.

With your worries only increasing, you turn to Rhys and Feyre for some answers. 

You explain what you felt to Rhys, that you knew something was wrong but you couldn’t tell what.

Rhys props his chin on his hand pensively, “Azriel has always had his demons, thank you for bringing this to my attention. Just keep monitoring him and try to get him to talk. I know he feels fondly for you, it may just take him time to open up.” 

You nod, taking in the High Lord’s words. 

Feyre gives you a reassuring shoulder squeeze, “He’ll be alright. He’s got you.”

You give her a meek smile and exit the office, on your way to try and cheer up your friend.

————

“Az!” you call out in the House of Wind, “Where are you?”

He appears down the hall, a flurry of shadows swirling around him and towards you. “Yes, Y/N?” 

“Can you please give me a lift to the city? I’ve got a few things to pick up, and I’m craving something from that bakery.”

Azriel nods, “Sure, are you ready to go now?”

“Sure am, lead the way.”

He scoops you up into his arms like he did the day he rescued you and launches into the sky. The wind rushes past your face and you scream out in joy, loving the exhilarating feeling of soaring through the air. You wrap your arms tighters around Azriel’s neck as he starts to descend.

You land and he places you down gently. ‘Thank you, kind sir,” you say, curtsying. Azriel rolls his eyes but can’t fight the smile creeping onto his face.

You grab his hand and break into a skip down the street, triumphant over your small win - getting a grin out of the spymaster. 

Azriel follows after you, listening intently as you chatter away animatedly. 

As you exit a shop selling different apothecary ingredients you spy a busker on the street playing the fiddle. 

“Oh Az, will you dance with me?” 

Azriel pauses, observing the crowd before taking your extended hand in his. The two of you dance clumsily in the street, letting the music flow through your body. 

As the musician hits the crescendo, Azriel lifts you into the air and spins with you while you laugh loudly and unabashed. When he places you on your feet you notice a small crowd has gathered, they break into applause for both you and the fiddler as the song ends. 

You take Azriel’s hand and make him bow with you. He smiles and shakes his head but humours you. You tip the busker generously and give him a small wave as you continue down the street, still holding onto Azriel’s hand. 

As you approach your favourite bakery - Azriel’s mood has lightened. You can still feel the pain but it has lessened significantly. 

————

With your treats in hand, you make your way to the Sidra and lean against the wrought iron banister edging the river. 

Azriel said he’d get whatever you did - so you opted for two huge brownies with a generous dusting of icing sugar on top.

“These look so good,” you gush, grinning madly at Azriel. 

The slice of cake is so thick that your nose brushes it as you take a bite. You cover your mouth as you chew and swallow. 

“That is amazing,” you moan, turning to Azriel. “How is yours?”

Azriel takes one look at you - with sugar on your nose and chocolate in your teeth and bursts into a deep laugh.

“It’s brilliant, but how have you already made such a mess?” 

“What do you mean?” You ask, “Is there something on my face?” 

“Here let me.” He reaches up and brushes your nose softly, wiping away the sugar. “It’s still all in your teeth though.”

“I’m saving that for later,” you say with a wink and the two of you burst out laughing again. 

Standing so close to Azriel, you can’t help but admire his gorgeous face. And his eyes - there are less shadows in them. 

“Thank you for today,” Azriel says quietly, brushing a stray hair out of your face. “You’re good at that.”

“Good at what?”

“Knowing what I need.” He smiles, “Come on,” he beckons with his head, “Let's get back home before you make more of a mess of yourself.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *

Tags ♡ @littlestw01f @impossibelle @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @the-wall-willow @xasael @lilah-asteria @saltedcoffeescotch @mybestfriendmademe

[sirenpearldust]

Mating bond 2

Notes: grab some tissues

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Word count: 738

Warnings: Angst

Pt1

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Azriel had consistently felt fatigued, but the last couple of days robbed him of any vitality.

His body and soul were broken.

A numbness and sense of lifelessness dominated his days.

His family immediately noticed his stark decline. He was a shell of himself, empty.

Morrigan and Cassian attempted to coax him into joining them at the pleasure hall. Rhys recognising his exhaustion, granted him a break, urging him to savor some well-deserved vacation time.

Nesta, Gwyn and Emerie extended multiple invitations to their tea time.

They questioned him why he had ceased to train them.

He would ignore everyone.

Immersing himself in work, he sought solace and attempted to drown out his troubles, striving to forget.

He empathised with Lucien’s despair, he felt guilty.

Despite the strained golden bond in his chest, he couldn’t ignore its presence.

Mates had always been a sensitive topic, a distant dream for him, out of reach.

Witnessing his brothers’ happiness with their mates fueled his jealousy.

In his own delusion, he entertained the idea of three sisters for three brothers, boldly proclaiming that the mother had made a mistake in pairing Elain with Lucien.

He wanted to defy fate until the day he’d met her.

On that heart-wrenching day, his shadows were nervous, radically erratic.

In an attempt to clear his mind, he strolled through a park in Velaris, where he spotted a woman playing with a cat.

As she turned, a sudden silence enveloped him, the world pausing, and his heartbeat turning erratic.

She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen, radiating a glow akin to the Sun, utterly ethereal.

He wanted Feyre to paint her, to capture her on canvas, desiring to preserve her image. He longed to keep this moment eternally etched into his mind, and in his room - a cherished memory for him to love and appreciate.

His once erratic shadows now calmed, humming, and began gravitating towards her.

His Wings spread wide in a display for his female.

Azriel found himself rooted in place, overwhelmed by the immense power of the bond. Profound happiness and contentment settled in him as he realised he had finally found her.

Some shadows nudged him, urging him to move closer to her.

She casually swept her hair over her shoulder and he found himself captivated by her.

He observed her carefree and playful demeanour, playing with the cat.

The warmth of her laughter reached him as he drank it all in.

As she turned around and noticed him, her smile faltered and her eyes widened in horror.

Their souls connected, he felt the terror coursing through the bond, awakening, a primal instinct to protect her.

Shadows multiplied, assuming positions to eliminate any perceived threat, only to realise she was afraid of the singer.

Azriel froze.

“No,” she muttered.

“No! No! No! This can’t be,” she cried, sobbing loudly.

Tears fell as she screamed for him to leave her alone.

Shadows flew towards her, flinching at first, at the unfamiliar feeling on her being, she eventually let them comfort her.

They sang to her, soothing and wiping away her tears.

Azriel stood heartbroken, alone, no shadows in sight.

The pain he felt mirrored his childhood - rejection, loneliness and a sense of being unwanted.

He wondered whether she was rejecting him personally or simply harboured fear of Illyrians.

Tucking his wings tightly against his back, he approached her, his voice softened, “I’m not going to hurt you. You don’t have to be afraid.”

As he spoke, she calmed down and he slowly raised his hand, gently, cupping her cheek.

She leaned in, nuzzling into his hand, not disgusted by his scars. His wings enveloped her, providing the shield from the world.

For a fleeting moment he felt a sense of happiness, thinking they had made some progress. Maybe she just really was afraid of Illyrians, not him.

Rubbing her back, pressing her against him he felt content, fulfilled. He breathed her in, wiped her tears and kissed the crown of her head.

Closing his eyes, he sighed in relief, but then she pushed him away.

“ I can’t - I can’t accept this, I can’t accept this bond.”

His stomach turned. He felt desperate, his world crashed.

“What?”

“I have feelings for someone else.”

Taking a step back to avoid making her afraid, he felt a surge of possessiveness, a buried primal instinct awoke.

He asked, voice cold, “Who is he?”

Who dared to have her heart?

Who dared to take her from him?

She took panicked steps back, and before he could reach her, she winnowed away.

Taglist:

@sidthedollface2

[liahaslosthermind]

Betrayal [3]

Read the rest of the series here!

Pairing: Azriel x reader, Rhysand x reader (past)

Warnings: Death and killing mentioned

Summary: Azriel and Rhysand finally reach a tipping point

A/N: I know, I know. I know this took forever (over a year). I also know you all want some reader and Az action but you will just have to wait a tiny bit longer. For now enjoy this angst :)

“I did what you should have been doing the minute she closed her eyes, I brought her back.” Azriel didn’t need to say your name for everyone in the room to understand. If the room had been filled with a bit of tension beofre, now it was suffocating everyone in it. 

“You had no right to do such a thing, Azriel. You don’t get to bring back the dead as if you are some god. You weren’t even her lover-”

“Oh like you would have? You would have tried to bring her back? I may not have been her lover but at least I didn’t betray her in her last moments. You know what is the worst part of this? I don’t even see you grieving.”

“Azriel, of course he is grieving her death. He hasn’t been able to eat for days” Feyre began in an innocent tone, even though she had almost as much blame as Rhysand did. She knew they were happy together, but the promise of being ‘Mates’ made her believe she had a claim over him. Made her believe she could erase centuries of love. And she had succeeded.

“Please, he may not be able to eat without shame and guilt bringing his food back up but it's still your bed he crawls into each night-” He sneered. Another insult was at the tip of his tongue as Rhysand rushed over to Azriel and harshly pinned him against the wall.

“You have no right to talk to my mate like that, Azriel. You may be my brother but I will take no issue with killing you right now if another insult comes out of your mouth.” Cassian, who had been silent this whole time finally stood up at that moment, pushing the High Lord off of the Shadow Singer.

Azriel had assumed the Warlord would have told them to stop acting the way they were, Azriel had prepared himself for a lecture. Instead, Cassian let out a desperate “Is it true? Is she really back?”

“Yes. I was with her earlier. She was breathing.” Azriel admitted. At this Cassian collapsed into a chair, holding his heart in hopes of stopping its rapid beating. Rhysand may have been your lover, Azriel might have been your best friend, but Cassian had always been like a brother. You two may have gotten on each other’s nerves 90% of the time, but you had always been overly protective of one another. 

Silence filled the room. Morgan, Elaine, and Nesta, who had also been silent this whole time didn’t add anything and it looked like Rhysand and Feyre didn’t believe it wise to risk another fight by opening their mouths, so Azriel hastily left with Madja.

[yourejinx]

Undeniable Bonds

Azriel x F. Reader

Warnings: angst, as per usual. Violence, mentions of blood, descriptions of injuries, mentions of death, curse words, feelings. Not proof read.

word count: 4k+.

Author’s note: Here it is, finally. It sucks, I hope you like it lol 

CHAPTER FIVE

The house was too packed for his liking, when Cassian bursted in through the balcony and set Azriel down by the group of healers already waiting for him, he out right growled to everyone to get the fuck out.

It startled Feyre for a second, the fierceness in the General's face, the worry. Amren's whole demeanor had changed the second she took a glimpse at the state of the Shadow Singer, no sign of you around. She was ready to pounce at the Illyrians demanding answers when Nesta pointed at the darkness in the sky, rushing towards them. Rhysand. Even from this distance, Feyre could make out the utter desperation in her mate's features, he was using too much of his power. 

A cloud of darkness surrounded him like a thick veil, undoubtedly holding you within. Something had gone terribly wrong. But nothing could have prepared her for the sight of you in his arms, limbs angled the wrong way, blood leaking everywhere...and your eyes, utterly black and gone. You were spasming against Rhys' chest as if fighting him —his power—as he approached Madja. 

"I didn't know what else to do" The High Lord almost sobbed as he passed you to the healer. 

Madja's face was serious but full of concern, she settled you down by the fire in an attempt to keep your freezing body warm, and run a quick eye over your exposed injuries. Rhysand's power never let go of you. "She started lashing at me with her own magic and when she tried to hold it in her bones started twisting and breaking. I had to– I had to do something so I hold her down, she keeps resisting it" 

The healer only nodded gravely, Feyre could have sworn the old female's face had paled a bit. 

"I need you to keep holding her down. She's lost too much blood. I have to seal these wounds right now. Everyone else out! Except you, High Lady, we might need you here." Madja ordered and got to work. 

Rhys turned to his mate, his wife and the look in his violet eyes told her enough of what was going on in his head. The snap of her neck, and her lifeless body at the hands of Amarantha. She swallowed the lump in her throat and gripped her mate's hand firmly. 

Behind them the Shadow Singer, conscious enough to stand, had pushed himself past the healers still tending to his wounds and now made his way to his own mate. Rhysand tried to stop him but there was nothing he could do to spare his brother from that sort of pain, so he let him through, next to them. 

The cry that left Azriel's lips at the sight of your broken body could have shattered the earth. He clutched his chest tight, face contorting in pain and terror, tears falling freely down his cheeks. In all his years working as a Spy Master, he had never known such horror. The bond tying your souls together had strained thin enough to break, your next breath could be your last and the agony that flooded him wouldn't let him feel anything else, to see anything else but you. 

Madja shot her head up looking straight to him, she was sweating, the wounds weren't healing fast enough. "Listen to me boy, you're her mate, and probably her only chance to live. This is blood magic, an ancient ritual I've never thought I'd see, someone is trying to drain her power, to steal her body. The only way to fight it is the bond in your chest, your souls are the same. So fight it, suck up the tears and make her stay." 

The words knocked him back to reality, ignoring the crushing feeling of his shattering heart, Azriel reached a trembling hand to you. He didn't know what to do, he could feel you dying, slipping away from this world and his very soul wanted to follow you. But he wouldn't let you go, not yet, not like this, if there was a tiny chance that you may live he would make the best out of it. He'd fight for you, always, because if you died...he'd take his own blade and pierce his heart. There would be no life without you, not really. 

Azriel held onto that precious, frail, golden thread inside of him for dear life, and threw his entire essence into it, his will to live, to come clean to you about his feelings and beg your forgiveness, to tell you he loves you. He got a faint hum in response through the bond and almost broke down into tears again. There was a sliver of light, as if coming through a crack in  a door, as if you were actually allowing him into your soul. He followed it inside, everything was blank and quiet except for a figure sitting in the middle of the perturbingly white room. That was you, he realized, with your back turned to him and your head hanging low between your shoulders, you looked defeated. 

"Y/N?" He called. You didn't so much as flinch. 

He walked closer, there were chains around your wrists and ankles, pretty much like the ones from the cave, but you didn't seem to care about them. No, you were too preoccupied watching the reflection of a fae child in the pond at your feet. 

She looked a lot like you, save for the caramel brown eyes. Yours were onyx black. Was she your sister? 

The image of the reflection changed and instead of a sweet little girl, a brutalized body laid. Azriel felt sick at the sight, but your eyes were glued to it, as if in some sort of trance. He hadn't heard them until he touched your shoulder, the whispers. Vicious voices whispering dark things, he recognized some of them, Ajax and Damien, but a particular one knocked the air out of his lungs. It was his own, throwing insults and telling you how unworthy you were. He fell back, completely disgusted with himself. 

"Useless. Whore. Traitor. You're the family's shame. Unworthy. Unclean. You couldn't even save your own sister. You don't deserve to live. " 

All those horrible voices burned him just as much, you had to live with this inked in your soul...for how long? How much damage had he added himself? 

You didn't even blink, you stared and stared at the little girl in front of you, seemingly less alive by the second. What was he supposed to do? How could he put you out of this misery? 

Azriel fought the sting in his eyes, focusing on the bond instead, he could feel your sadness, your hopelessness, your tired soul. So he reached down, sitting behind you and enveloped the two of you with his shadows, hoping to shut down the whispers. You only turned to look at him then, recognizing the cool touch of his shadows. 

"Azriel?" your voice sounded distant. Not quite believing your eyes. 

"Are we dead?" 

He shook his head. "No, we're not." 

"I should be. I deserve it." 

"Don't say that, it's not true. Someone is trying to steal your mind, making you believe such things." 

"You think as much, don't you?" 

"I don't. I'm sorry, Y/N for all the awful things I said, I didn't mean any of that. I swear. I can't even think of you dying... it's just too painful." 

You turned around again, facing the body of water at your feet. 

"She's dead, so why do I get to live? That's not fair." 

The Shadow Singer sat closer, careful not to touch you yet if you wouldn't allow it, and looked over your shoulder. He wanted nothing more than to hold you against his chest, wishing he could make your pain disappear. 

"That's your sister, isn't it?" He swallowed the lump in his throat. You nodded vaguely. "What's her name?"

"Aurora.." you sighed, the pain in your chest making it difficult to breathe.

"I don't know what happened, but I'm sure Aurora would want you to live. For her." 

"I've lived enough." 

"Have you? Have you truly lived? or have you just been existing?" 

"There's no difference." 

"Of course there is. And you owe it to her, to live. Not just exist." 

You grimaced but there was doubt in your tearful eyes. "I don't know how to do that," 

You admitted softly. 

"Well, I'm no expert but we can figure it out, together. I promise to be there, every step of the way." 

"Why?" 

"Because you're worth living for."  Azriel dared to wipe a few tears that had fallen down your cheeks, even when his own were now streaming down his face. When you didn't pull away, he sneaked his other hand around your waist, pulling you to him and mumbling against your hair. "Please, don't give up just yet. Please. Please. Please stay and fight for her. I'll fight for you." 

You never held him back, but your shoulders shook with the force of a harsh breath and he could have sworn the chains clicked open. 

"Alright" you whispered against his neck. He still didn't let go.

-------------------------------------------------------

"She stopped thrashing," The High Lord said. Madja was just finishing healing the broken bones. 

"Mating bonds are very powerful things," she answered, wiping the sweat from her forehead. "But this is still not over, the spell remains. This kind of magic is not something I'm very familiar with, I don't know if you're going to be able to break the spell, Cursebreaker." The healer fixed her eyes upon the High Lady. "We don't have much time, so there's only a way, you’ll have just a minute to break whatever remains of this blood bond between her and the perpetrator.” 

 Feyre gasped realizing what Madja was about to do. Rhysand gave a comforting squeeze to her hand. 

There was only one way in which the spell could be broken by a third party in this situation. Death. 

“You’re going to stop her heart.” 

—----------------------------------------------------------

Three weeks. For three weeks you had remained unconscious, and Azriel had refused to leave your side in your slumber, not letting anyone else close to you. He was on edge, very irritable and prone to violence. 

The first couple of days he had fought Amren and Cassian until Rhysand had to intervene and told them to leave the two of you alone until things had calmed down. He understood, after all, what it felt like to lose your mate. Azriel’s protective and territorial instincts, only increased by the situation, had made him more unstable and ready to pounce on anyone that came too close. He hadn’t been sleeping much, always on alert, monitoring your every breath, the steady rise and fall of your chest. On the rare occasion his eyes fell closed against his will, the nightmares plagued his mind. 

Azriel remembered it all too well, being pulled away from you by some force, your power rising to go for Rhysand’s head and then the deafening thump of your body falling still. The loud silence in his mind, the numbness in his chest, the crack of his knuckles as they collided with Rhysand’s jaw. 

He constantly checked and caressed the now dim lit bond, it was still silent on your end but these past few days it had grown brighter. That gave him some peace of mind, he supposed, although he still couldn’t get a full night’s rest. Madja sent a healer twice a week to check up on you, Azriel had only barely allowed them near you, besides the twin wraiths whom he let in sometimes to help sanitize you. 

He was tired, not fully registering dozing off when one of his shadows curled up around his ear to tell him you had opened your eyes.The Shadow Singer was up in an instant, sleep be damn. 

"Hey…" he mused softly, not wanting to startle you. 

It was already long into the night, dawn had to be a couple of hours away, the only light in the room being the faelight by your nightstand. You were pale and thiner than he had ever witnessed, most of the bruises and cuts were gone, but the deeper ones would take a while to fully heal due to the faebane and severe blood loss. 

Azriel swallowed thickly when your eyes met his. 

"What–?" you coughed, voice rough and hoarse. 

He quickly poured a glass of water, helping you sit up so you could drink. Three weeks without water, you gulped down the whole thing in one go. 

"Thank you," you murmured a bit distrustfully. Some clarity coming back to you. He ignored the pang in his heart. "What are you doing here?" 

In your room.

"Checking up on you, how are you feeling?" 

"Like I've just had the worst hangover of the century." You answered, wincing in pain when you tried to sit up straighter. 

Azriel huffed a  laugh, almost in relief. It was a strangely nice sound, one you couldn't believe you had missed. You took a chance to look at him, there were heavy dark circles under his eyes and a light scrub had started to grow. He looked tired. 

"How long was I out?" 

He chewed on his bottom lip. "Three weeks," 

Your eyes widened. 

"And you've been here the whole time?" You glanced at the armchair across from your bed, a blue blanket laid lazily discarded on top of it. He nodded slowly. "Why?" 

"What do you mean why?" 

"I put us in danger, it's my fault you ended up hurt. So why are you checking up on me?" 

Azriel looked dumbfounded. "It's not— you don't remember anything, do you?" 

"About what? I remember plenty about the cave, and Damien and…Ajax" 

"Y/N, you…" he stopped himself before he could mutter that damned word out. You died. Briefly, but you were gone. Would it be wise to tell you what happened if you didn't remember it? He didn't want to cause you more trauma. 

"What?"

"You were badly injured, you lost too much blood."

"Why would you care about it? You could've got rid of a problem. It just doesn't make sense."

"You're not a problem. You're my mate." 

You stared at him, fists clenching tight around the sheets. Never expecting to hear him say it out loud.

"It has never meant anything to you." 

"It means everything to me." 

"Bullshit." 

"I would rather have my heart ripped out of my chest, than watching you die," He meant it, every word of it. He knew the feeling damn well, but you didn't believe him. Why would you? After everything he's said and done to you. 

"Do not mock me."

He was growing desperate, he had to get the words out, to tell you how he truly feels. He had to make things right. 

"I'm not. I'm trying to tell you that I love y–"

"Get out." You cut him short, face contorted with anger, refusing to hear any more lies out of his mouth. 

"Y/N…"

"GET OUT." 

Azriel froze at the command in your voice, the hurt hiding beneath. You had every right to be mad at him, to not trust him. What was he expecting? For you to receive him with open arms? That he would tell you how he felt and you would reciprocate? Of course you wouldn't. And he deserved as much. So if you wanted him to leave you alone, he would respect your wishes. He would find a way to make things right, and maybe someday you may be willing to forgive him. 

"I'm sorry." Was all he offered before shutting the door behind him. 

—---------------------------------------------------

For days I have been successfully avoiding the Shadow Singer, spending most of my time curled up in my room or at Amren’s place. It was easier that way, not to talk about it, not to think about the chaotic mess my mind was in, between the nightmares, and the dreams of wildfire and the smell of pine, and those weird marks…yet somehow Azriel’s face always managed to pop up in my head. Either sad, looking down at me with red rimmed eyes, or extremely angry. Sometimes I think I could taste his rage. 

“Don’t give up just yet, please.” “I’ll fight for you.” I kept hearing his voice as well, the same words on repeat for days on end. All these thoughts all at once made my head spin and hurt. 

I didn’t know what to make of it all, in one hand he had indeed spent the last three weeks locked up in my room, looking after me in my sleep — This was confirmed by Cassian a few nights ago;— but on the other hand it was the same Azriel who had hated me the last hundred years or so, making fun of me, degrading me, insulting me. It was hard to believe he actually cared about my well being…maybe it was a thing of the mating bond, but then again, I wasn’t quite sure what that meant. 

“You know,” Amren started from her place on the couch where she was currently honing already sharp looking blades “it’s not that I don’t appreciate my apprentice coming to spend time at my house, but you can’t avoid him forever.” 

I dropped the berry I was about to pop into my mouth and gaped at her. It was the very first time Amren had made a comment about it, she didn’t usually  mingle in other people’s business. 

She rolled her eyes, returning to her work.  “I know he’s been acting like a self-entitled ass around you, but you should have seen the look on his face when they stopped your heart. I don’t think I’ve seen pain so raw in somebody’s eyes until then. And the rage…he split his hand open punching Rhysand for agreeing to it.”

The ringing in my ears was so loud I couldn’t hear anything else, my heart was beating frantically inside my chest and I couldn’t do anything but stare at her, stunned. They had stopped my heart, I had died. 

At my silence, she turned to look at me again, realization hitting her like a ton of bricks. 

“You didn’t know…” she mused, “You were gone kid, your essence wiped away. It felt like the whole House had gone quiet, muted, dull. We all felt it, I can only imagine what it must have felt like for him, your mate.” 

“I…” My mouth felt paper dry, my mind dizzy. I didn’t even know what I wanted to say. 

“You should talk to him, yell at him for all he’s done if you like, but go talk to him.” 

—----------------------------------------------------------

Cassian had refused to tell me where Rhys and Azriel had gone for the day, but it was already late and there was no sign of them. I could've asked Feyre but the truth is I didn't feel like visiting the River House any time soon. Not with the memories of the Solstice's party still fresh in my mind. 

Mor had gone out to Rita's again so I found myself alone in the house, anxious and bored. I had planned to talk to Azriel today, not entirely sure how to initiate that conversation and obviously not even damn close to figure out what I felt. But Amren was right, I had to talk to him, it was long due and we needed to get a lot of things out of our chests. It wasn't going to be easy, or nice. 

I needed a temporary distraction, something to get my mind off things in the meanwhile and calm my nerves, so I made myself a cup of tea, grabbed one of those romance books Nesta kept recommending  and wandered to the living room. To my surprise, Lucien was there; had returned from wherever Rhys had sent him last. 

He smiled upon seeing me as I took a seat across from him. 

"Nice to see you recovering well Y/N.'' Lucien offered. "I heard what happened and I'm sorry" 

I waved a dismissive hand at him, opening the book. "I'm ok now, some wounds still hurt like a bitch, but Madja said it was going to take a while for the muscle to fully stitch itself together again." 

"I see,"

No one spoke again for a while after that, I appreciated it. I delved into the book for a good half of an hour, only realizing then that it was much more stemier than I had anticipated. Not really the kind of reading I was in the mood for. I put the book down at my lap and pinched the bridge of my nose, hoping Vanserra hadn't notice my choice in books.

I took a glance at him, already feeling my cheeks heating up. The sight got me forgetting about the book for a moment.

I couldn't help staring, the way the fire light catched on his hair, bathing him in a warm golden glow. Beautiful. Lucien was beautiful. 

He smiled without lifting his eyes from the book, and spoke in a soft, sensual voice; "We shouldn't cross that line again." 

No, we shouldn't. I wouldn't. I thought to myself, but chose to say "I don't know what you're talking about." 

I averted my gaze back to my own reading. He chuckled low. 

Yes, Lucien was a very handsome male and some years ago I even found myself falling for his charm, although my dreams were still haunted by beautiful hazel eyes. It didn’t escape me why someone like Elain would fall for Azriel’s beauty, it was wrong but…there was no comparing them. 

"You're beautiful," he said. 

The bond in my chest tingled, as if in recognition of a presence. Azriel had to be nearby. I went slightly still and out of the corner of my eye I peeked into the darkness beyond the hallway. I couldn't see him so much as sense him. 

"Lucien..." I warned. 

 He still went on, "but you're mated now, and you're avoiding him because he's the only one with the power to break your heart. Always has been." 

I didn't dare look at the shadows again. 

"How long have you loved him?" 

Entire lifetimes. 

I sighed and closed the book, ready to call it a night. When I got to my room he was already waiting, sitting on the floor against my door, hands covering his face. 

"Hey," I greeted, clearing my throat. He shut to his feet almost immediately. His hair was a little disheveled as if he had just flown inside the house, there were still dark circles under his eyes. 

"Hi," he replied, moving aside in case I wanted to enter my room. I didn't, I came to stand next to him instead, resting my back on the wall. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop, I swear. It's just…Rhys found this and gave it to me, I thought you may want it back." 

Azriel extended the little black box I was supposed to give him at Solstice. The ribbon was gone, so I guessed he looked inside and found the handwatch. It was a beautiful piece, fully black except for its center, blue, the same material as his siphons. The numbers carved in the stone were opac black —obsidian stone—, the only strong enough material to resist the power that would flow through the siphon. I had carved those numbers myself. It was a small carefully crafted fraction of my power. 

"It looks expensive," Azriel added, scratching the back of his neck. I still didn't take the box from his hand. 

"I don't want it back. I had it made for you. It's yours, you can do whatever you want with it." 

At my refusal, he met my eyes again, searching for any indicators of doubt. He lowered his hand. 

"It 's beautiful." He whispered. "Why would you bother with something like this for me?" 

I shrugged. "For old times sake, I guess." I laughed, though there was no humor behind it. "I thought it may be nice. I know you don't like your hands, you hide them all the time, but I don't think you should. What was done to you was a horrible thing, that doesn't mean that your scars are. I think they're proof of your resilience and strength, you survived. And that's beautiful. So I thought I could give you something to help bring out the beauty of your hands, so you could show them proudly." 

Azriel didn't say anything, he just blinked and stared at the box in his hand. 

"Also, it goes well with that navy blue button up you wore to Rhys' birthday." I felt my cheeks heating up in embarrassment. "Sounds stupid now that I said it out loud." 

He came closer and looked at me with an emotion I could not recognize, but it made my heart flutter. 

"I don't deserve it, but I will. I promise I'll become someone worthy of wearing it." 

The promise he'd made was of something far greater than the watch, than any gift. He stood there promising to be better, for us. I couldn't even grasp the idea of it, for there was still weariness in my heart. 

I swallowed the small lump in my throat and nodded, wanting to change the subject. "So is everything ok with Rhys now? Amren told me what happened." 

His body tensed for a moment and then he let out a long breath. "Yeah, everything is fine now. We talked it through." He cleared his throat. "Actually, we just came back from the Day Court." 

It was my turn to tense now. I hadn't spoken to Helion since I took the offer, Rhys was probably dealing with it. 

"Was it about me?" 

Azriel nodded. "Helion's been asking about you and insisting you'd be safer at his Court. Rhys told him you needed more time, that as of the time being you were still a member of the Night Court." 

Two heartbeats passed in silence between us. "I didn't know you were leaving." He admitted in a sad whisper. 

"To be honest, I've completely forgotten about it these past few days. It's been kind of a hurricane inside my brain lately." 

"Why did you want to leave?" 

"A fresh start sounded nice. I have no history with Helion so he wouldn't feel obligated to over-pay me for my work. An honest way to earn my living. Plus the library there was breath-taking. " 

"If it is about what I said that time, it wasn't true. Rhys doesn't feel obligated to anything and you do earn every copper you make." 

"It 's not. I've been thinking about it for a while." I took a sidelong glance at him. "What do you think I should do?" 

The question seemed to take him by surprise. "I can't be objective about it." 

"Why not?" 

"Because I don't think I can be away from you." 

There. The words hung heavy between us, the air was charged with emotion and I couldn't breathe properly. There were so many things I wanted to say, yet none came to mind. Did he really mean that? In what way? What about Elain? 

Every instinct in my mind screamed bullshit, a few weeks ago he was oh so enamored with the middle Archeron sister that it made me sick, and now he couldn't stay away from me? And what about before, with Mor? Or when he was too busy to even acknowledge me? 

I took a deep breath. For how long have I wanted to hear him say that he cared? That he wanted me as I wanted him? Centuries maybe. So why did it make me angry now? I felt like suffocating again. I needed to breathe, to calm the raging thoughts in my head and cool down. We were going to have this conversation, but I couldn't do it here when I felt like the already narrow hall was closing in on me. 

"I need some air." I said getting off the wall and walking to the stairs. Maybe the cool breeze of the city would blow some clarity into my mind. 

When I noticed he hadn't moved I asked over my shoulder, "aren't you coming?" 

An open invitation, and a little piece of hope that it wasn't over. That whatever lay between us could be saved. He followed a moment later, no questions asked. 

------------------------------------------------------------

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[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

In the middle of the night

requested: was thinking about an azrielxreader where reader feyre and nesta are all in the house of wind or wherever, and it gets attacked whilst the boys are away, i love the idea of just angst from eveyone because they are all worried for their mates and eachother, but also girl power because we all know reader feyre and nesta are capable of handling themselves. So something along the lines of angst comfort and badass faes.

Azriel x reader

warning: fighting, blood, mention of drugs

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Do you seriously need to take all of these books with you?", Azriel groaned from the other side of the room, where he was trying to juggle all the novels, book series, romances, and whatnot in his hands. While you were still digging through the bookshelves that your partner had lovingly made for you as a gift for your latest birthday, still trying to find additional ones.

"Well, yes. I promised the girls to share with them what I liked, and this is what I liked." Azriel rolled his eyes, not understanding how you could like everything that you read. But deep down, he loved seeing you so passionately interested in something. Even if at times he didn't understand what Eric did to Margaret and why it had you so worked up. But he listened to you ramble about different stories regardless. Never getting enough of how your eyes would go wide in excitement when he remembered your favorite character's name or greeted you with one of those "So, did Eric solve the mystery?"

Yet the pile in front of him seemed ridiculously big, especially for a one-night reading party. "I don't see a point in carrying all of these for tonight and then returning the", Azriel said, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm sorry, is it too heavy for you to hold, my dear?" You gave him one of your famous looks that told him straight away that he wasn't going to win this fight. So he turned to look for a box he could place all of the books into.

It was an exciting evening and a day ahead. After a long while, you convinced all of the boys to go out and have a night for themselves. The workload had been insane lately. They had all been way too worked up and cranky, so you three, being the best wives and girlfriends that you were, organized a little get-together. Going all out and beyond to stack up and prepare a little cabin in the mountains for them. So they could just get drunk and forget that they have any responsibilities, at least for a day. Were they happy about it? No. But did you ask them what they thought? Also, no. Rhys was the one who got on board with the idea first, and that was enough to convince the other two.

You felt two hands slip down your lower belly before Azriel tugged you closer to his chest. "I don't want to go," the shadow singer said, "Oh, stop it. If you don't take a break, you'll all die from cardiac arrest," you stated, turning into your lover's embrace and moving to face him.

"I'm fine with resting; I just don't want to leave you alone," Azriel admitted quietly. You two were the only ones freshly mated out of the bunch. It hadn't even been a year, and Azriel had no interest in letting the mating frenzy end just yet. He was extremely alert when you were surrounded by strangers. When he went on longer missions, he always left Cassian or Rhys with you, and even then, he was irritated that they were showing you love and caring for you because it was his responsibility to do so.

"I will be fine. We all will be fine", you gently pressed your palm to his cheek, "I won't close off the bond at any time of the day just like we agreed. Even if I think that you should take a break from worrying about me as well," you said. But the shadow singer only shook his head before bringing you even closer to him, "What you're suggesting now is offensive," both of you broke into a giggle, and you just let him hold you for a little while longer.

You two walked hand in hand into the river house. Feyre was sitting on Rhys's lap as the two of them beamed at one another. You couldn't help but smile to yourself. Seeing your friends so in love always made you feel giddy. "And I thought we'd be last to come," Azriel said when he didn't see Cassian anywhere. Feyre was already up and running to you as you two embraced one another, leaving Rhys to sulk over the loss of contact with his mate.

"You two are last. Cass and Ness are upstairs," Rhys said, throwing his head back before you all took a moment to listen. The skin-on-skin slapping and moans. Yep, they were going for it up there. You let out a giggle before biting your lip. "Let them be; it's a miracle if Cass will last a day without that in the first place." Everyone joined in on the laugh before you all nestled in to cuddle with your loved ones.

When they finally made their way down. With hair poking everywhere and Cassian's shirt missing a couple of buttons, you gently moved to hold Az's hand as if silently begging him not to comment on this. But of course, he and Rhys erupted in howls and shouts, leaving you girls to shake your heads.

"I think we should go before I drag my darling upstairs as well," Rhys wiggled his eyes at Feyre. "Okay, you horny bats, off you fly; I don't want to see any of you here till tomorrow night," you pointed your finger at all of them, pushing the males out the doors. With a last kiss to their partners, Rhys and Cass stepped outside, leaving Azriel still holding onto you.

"Your last chance to tell me that you want me to stay and not leave you", Azriel said cupping your face between his hands, "You wish, go get drunk and have fun", you kissed him and Azriel made sure to deepen the kiss immediately. "Enough, lover boy," Rhys said as he drew Azriel away from you, Cassian clutching the other side of your lover.

With the busybodies gone, you girls moved to make some food before bringing it up to the library, where Feyre had already prepared a little blanket fort for you three. Knowing full well that you were going to read and talk until the early hours of the morning anyway.

"So... how are you two?" You've been sipping on wine for a couple of hours now. Azriel like the loving boyfriend he was, let you know the first thing that they had made it to the cabin safely, followed by at least a couple of I love you's. You hummed, taking another sip, "I think we found a place we want to move into", both females gasped, waiting for you to continue. You have been living in a house of wind ever since you officially started dating. The place was lovely, and you appreciated Rhys's generosity, but it still wasn't your home. So you and Azriel had looked at more than one house that was for sale in the city, but nothing spoke to you. Not until you found a rather small but cozy house, a bit more hidden between the rocky hills and further away from the city chaos.

"It will need some renovations, but Azriel said all my visions are doable", Nesta let out a chuckle at your words, "As if that male won't bring you the moon if you asked him to". A blush ran down your face. It was true. Azriel was the most attentive lover. Most of the time, you didn't even need to tell him what was on your mind; he already knew. Quickly pulling on the golden thread, you sent some love down the bond, and not even a heartbeat later, Azriel did just the same, making you grin into the glass.

You were woken up by a sound coming from downstairs. Nesta's head was laying on your shoulder, so you tried to move as little as possible as you listened on. For a while, nothing happened, so you closed your eyes, ready to once again slip into a blissful sleep, but then a sound of shattering glass rang through the empty corridors. You instantly sat up, and Nesta snarled from beside you, but you shushed her.

Muffled voices came next, and now Nesta was nudging Feyre awake as you leaned over your shoulder to pull the dagger Azriel gave you out of its leather case. "That's a first," Nesta muttered. "Do we have a clue who that might be?" you asked, pushing the blanket off your body.

"I doubt it's the boys", "No, Azriel would not leave me in the dark if they decided to come back", the noises grew louder, and you motioned for Nesta to kill the fire in the fireplace. For a split second, you wondered if you should alert your lover. But that thought was cut short as the door to the library burst open, and a handful of males armed from head to toe stepped in.

Everything that followed next was a mess. Nesta threw the first punch, and you swung the dagger through the first male's neck. It was all fun and games until Feyre realized that she couldn't access her magic. You three had run for the stairs in hopes of reaching Rhysand's office, where most of the weapons were held.

"I knew something about the wine was dodgy," she muttered as she sank to the floor. You pulled at her hand, but when Nesta also stumbled to the side and the banging on the door intensified, you did the most logical thing you could.

"Azriel...," you called through the bond, letting the panic flow freely. A cold shiver ran down your spine when you didn't get a response. When an ax pierced through the door, you knew that you needed to act fast. Pushing at the invisible door in the wall, you dragged both Feyre and Nesta into the room before closing it behind them. Someone had to stay and slow the intruders down.

Ripping a dagger from the wall, you braced your steps, saying a final prayer before the ax ripped half of the door out of the wall. Calm and collected, just like Azriel taught you. But before anything could happen you heard Azriel's voice in your head, "Love?", "No time now, someone broke into the house girls are drugged", that's all you managed to say before a dagger was thrown at you, and it was your time to protect the ones you loved.

Azriel hoped it was just a nightmare, but the panic he felt on your side was unlike anything he had ever experienced. Jumping up, he ran to shake Rhysand and Cassian awake.

"You asshole, I was having a good dream", but Az only dragged Rhys up by the material of his shirt, "Someone's at the house, they are in danger". It was as if all the alcohol had vanished from their system in a second, and Rhys was winnowing them back to the house.

This was their biggest and scariest nightmare: not being there when their mates needed them the most. Numerous thoughts ran through their heads. From who was stupid enough to make a move like this to whom they were going to kill slowly and with no mercy. But at the same time, it wasn't just their mates they were worried for. There were three females alone in the house, and even if you three could stand your ground... No, the thought of any kind of danger threatening your safety was sickening.

They ran through the house, one after another. And the blood that led from the library towards the stairs made all three of them feel unwell inside.

"They are in the office; I can feel Y/N there," Azriel said quietly before sprinting for the staircase. When the unfamiliar figures came into sight, Azriel didn't care who the intruders were. His primal instinct to protect you was the only one at the center of his mind. He sliced through them like a hot knife through butter.

Cassian slid through the room to disarm one of the males who had lifted a sword to stab you, "Think again fucker", the male only got to take another breath in before collapsing to the floor, "You're okay?", it was Rhys who also turned his attention to you. You nodded your head as you watched Azriel go completely crazy at the other side of the room. "Sit in the corner over there; you're safe now. We'll deal with this."

The rest of the fight looked more like a blur. Rhys only left one of the intruders alive for interrogations later on. You felt two familiar hands sliding down your knee, and you lifted your head. Azriel's face and body were stained with blood, but you didn't care as you wrapped your arms around him, holding onto your lover tighter.

"I locked the girls in the secret room," you muttered to two other males, who swiftly moved to the said place before the other two voices filled your ears. They were responsive and, most importantly, alive. You felt a weight slip from your shoulders as you let out a shaky breath. Azriel hosted you on his lap. Your legs steadied him as he rocked you two back and forth.

"Why didn't you call right away?", he asked after a moment, "I don't know... I just thought it wasn't that serious at first." Azriel pulled away slightly, once again scanning your face for any signs of injury. "Next time something gives you even the slightest fright, you reach for me straight away," the shadow singer stated firmly. You nodded slowly. Not feeling the need to act like a big girl now. So you reached for him again, resting your head on Azriel's shoulder.

-----

All acotar writing: @brekkershadowsinger @cityofidek

[ellievickstar]

Your Choice

A/N: I am soooo excited for this. You guys are so sweet 🥹

Summary: When then mating bond finally snaps into place, what are you meant to do when you realise your mate has another in his heart, will you break it off to save yourself, or will your mate be able to save this heartbreak?

Request: N/A but you guys sent me so many messages to ask for a part 2 of His Second Choice? So this is it ♥️ I’m so sorry that this part is kinda short, I swear there will be a part 3 :)

Pairing: Azriel x Witch!Reader, Nessian, Feysand.

Warnings: Mentions of witchcraft. Males wearing dresses. No like seriously. Males wearing dresses.

My Masterlists & Rules

Part 1 — His Second Choice?

~*~*~*~*~

“Should I forgive him?” You asked the figure in the darkness. It tilted it’s head towards you and hummed. You knew who it was. Felt her power. Witches don’t have Gods but they have ancient ancestors. You waited patiently for the answer.

She seemed to think for a moment, crossing and uncrossing her legs, as if contemplating if she should answer. But eventually, her words rang out. “That is for you to decide, for the strings of fate we are attached to, will eventually lead you on the right path. Remember, everyone will hurt you. You have to decide who is worth that pain.”

Without another word, she lifted a hand. A dismissal to most but a sign of caution. One that the many queens had passed down to each other. Go and be free, but be careful. You nodded you head and reached out a hand as the first leader of witches faded out of view.

You’re eyes flew open as you sat up abruptly. You’re pain was gone, the ache in you lungs was probably the aftermath of the terrible coughing fit from before you had passed put. Before you saw her. You blinked back the blurriness in your vision as you let your gaze trail across the room you were in, no doubt one of the guest rooms in the House of Wind.

It was dark, no doubt nighttime. You doubted anyone was awake, but you stilled as the door opened, and the light of a candle streamed into your room, lighting up the darkness, and the face of your so-called intruder.

“Cassian!?” You gasped. Chuckling, he entered the room, carefully closing the door as to not awake the rest of the house, no doubt. He scanned you to ensure you had no more injuries before setting down the candle in his hand and pulling up a chair beside your bed.

“You had us all worked up. Nesta couldn’t sleep at all, I managed to finally get her asleep as long as i promised to check on you every other hour in her place,” A spark of guilt flickered in your chest as you thought of your friends, all who probably worried themselves sick while you were out of it. You leaned back against the headboard of the bed as you sighed.

“What time is it?” You asked and he shrugged. Rolling your eyes you sat up again. “Why aren’t I-” “Dead?” Cassian joked. You smiled. Even while you had your conversation with your long dead ancestor, you had missed the jokes and the laughter, the liveliness of the night court. Cassian was basically your brother and he never failed to make you smile, even when you had just came back from the bridge between life and death.

“Well, Elain took a big kick in the butt when she realised that people ACTUALLY care about you and not her dumbass opinion about you. Don’t get me wrong, she is a lovely girl, but that need to rebel is getting out of hand,” He shook her head like a disappointed father and you almost burst out in a peal of giggled. “Madja managed to keep you stable, the rest was you’re own fighting. Azriel…” He trailed off as your smile seemed to falter. Azriel. Never had you even thought that you’d think of that male and…nothing. You felt nothing. Reaching down to the bond, it was still there, but something felt different. Like it was stretched thin, on the brink of breaking.

Maybe your expression gave it away, because the next thing your knew Cassian had a look of worry written across his face. You shook your head. Asking him wouldn’t be a bad idea though, but, would this sound as stupid as it felt impossible?

“Is it possible for a bond to break?” You asked, he shook his head. “I have never heard of it. However, I had never heard of witches until we first met. It’s possible that you are a special case,” Sighing, you flopped on your bed and groaned into your pillow. Cassian chuckled, picking up the candle and walking out, but not before a quick goodnight.

You turned over after he left, staring up at the ceiling. Tomorrow. You’d deal with everything tomorrow. (A/N: I know this is supposed to be serious, but BET YOU DIDN’T EXPECT IT TO BE CASSIAN HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA)

~*~*~*~*~

Imagine the surprise on everyone’s face when you pranced into the dining room just in time for breakfast. Nesta dropped her fork, Mor screamed, Feyre’s mouth fell open agape, and Elain dropped her mug. You frowned at a crying-laughing Cassian. Azriel’s eyes followed you and as you reached down the bond, you were met with a wall of unflinching steel. Fine. Maybe you preferred it that way.

“You didn’t tell them did you?” He nodded and you grimaced. Nesta stepped Cassian on the back of his head and he yelped, rubbing the back of his head. She glared at him and the sight made your heart ache a little. Maybe you could have had that. Mor ran towards you and you let out an “oomph” as she embraced you in the tightest hug in all your life. A smile crept onto your lips as you returned the hug.

This was…nice. One by one they came and embraced you in their own way. Feyre gave a calm hug, one that had the care of a friend and the grace of the High Lady. Rhys’s eyes danced with mischief as he swept you up and twirled you around, you protested and hit him but he just shrugged in answer. Nesta slapped your arm first, demanding that you apologise for the heart attack you gave her and Cassian full on carried you over to the dining table where he set you down at the head of the table.

The rest of dinner was eventful, to say the least. You caught up wwith what had been going on the past few days, nothing much, but they had some funny stories to share when Mor and Nesta freaked out and ended up doing retail therapy armed with Rhys's money. They had bought dresses for both Rhysand and Cassian, dying of laughter as they forced both males to stay still while the tailor poked and prodded at them with needles.

"You should see it! Nesta and I manage to save the dresses before they could burn them!" Cassian glared at Mor. "Well, I for one think I looked absolutely delicious," Rhysand purred as he winked at Feyre who choked on her food. That made Cassian blanch as he made coughing noises pretending he was about to throw up at the sight of his High Lord and High Lady.

You laughed at the mere thought of Rhys and Cass in dresses and burst into tears when Rhys snuck an image of Cassian and Rhysand posing in the mirror together, their lips were puckered with lipstick and they had an excessive amount of makeup on. Cassian had even braided his shoulder-length hair into two french braids.

"You know what would have really completed the look?" You remarked, turning the image of the males over and over in your mind. Mor and Nesta smiled as amusement glittered in your eyes. "JEWELRY," You echoed simultaneously. The males paled as they realised, we weren't talking about royal jewels, or luxury accessories. We were thinking about flower crowns, bizarre friendship bracelets and clip-on earrings with tiny flowers and rainbows.

Rhysand and Cassian tried to make a run for it but were quickly stopped by an invisible wall of air, and as Rhysand turned around, a look of mock-betrayal on his face as he glanced towards Feyre's raised palm, the four of you grinned.

~*~*~*~*~

You spent a good portion of the late morning and early afternoon giggling and laughing as you, Nesta, Mor and Feyre surrounded the High Lord of the Night Court and his general with stacks upon stacks of make-up. For Rhysand, his off the shoulder dress was a bright lilac, complimenting his eyeshadow and his dark purple lips. With a bit of help, you manage to get a hold of a bouquet of violet grass which you quickly braided together to form a flower crown. Rhysand struggled at first but eventually resigned to his fate.

Cassian, however, yelled the whole way. Pushing away the illusion neck-lined scarlet red dress that had apparently been the 'most traumatic' thing he's ever seen. He pouted when Nesta applied the bright red make up all over his face, including some little designs on his cheek. And he screamed when he saw himself wearing a rose flower crown with a red-heart charm necklace and an absurd dangling rainbow at his ears.

"No. I am the general of the night court. You shall not degrade me to such lengths," He proclaimed dramatically. You laughed so hard your stomach hurt as you doubled over and began crying-laughing. Nesta tried to console Cassian but couldn't help as little snickers followed her every word.

You were still giggling as Rhysand and Cassian or "Rhysandra' and 'Cassibella' fled the room to change back into their tunics. However， your fun was quickly cut short when a towering presence entered the room. Feyre, Mor and Nesta quieted as you turned towards the door, only to be met with those familiar hazel eyes.

Azriel.

You couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think as he entered the room, nodding at his High Lady while his gaze seemed to follow your very move. “I need to speak to you. Alone,” He said emphasising on that last word as Mor seemed to move closer to you. She glanced at you and exchanged glances with Feyre and Nesta. They wouldn’t leave unless you said so, and you were forever grateful for them. But, you needed to do this on your own.

You held Mor’s hands and squeezed it, her eyes gleamed, worry painting them, but you shook your head. You had to speak to him, that much was true. What had occured before you went unconscious still bore a heavy weight on you shoulders and you just wanted to be free.

“Okay,” You mumbled, if not for his fae hearing you highly doubt he would have heard you. “Let’s talk”. And with that, he grasped you hand and you winnowed him away, somewhere you both knew, somewhere that used to seem special.

His eyes seemed to soften as it travelled across the familiar and distant view. You had first discovered this hill just outside Velaris, it overlooked the city at one side, but on the other, there was a wonderful scenery of the trees in the forest as it melded into the horizon where you would watch sunsets and sunrises together.

You’re eyes travelled the picturesque view too, smiling at the bustling sounds of the city that could be heard even from all the way up there. And as you looked to Azriel, a pulse radiated in your chest, warming your soul.

“I know that you may never forgive me,” Azriel whispered, and he knelt in front of you as he clasped both of your hands together in his. “But, I want, no I need you, to give me another chance. I love you, Y/N. I really do, and there is nothing more in this world that I would rather do then court you the way that you houle be courted,” No one would believe the sight in front of you right now, the spy master of the night court begging for forgiveness from a witch.

You expelled the air from your lungs before taking deep breaths, in, and out, in and out.

You were torn between answer, not knowing whether you should give the male a second chance or turn away from the heartbreak that would tear you into pieces. But as you looked into the deepest parts of you heart, looked at your every desire, felt every thought, every heart break, every hurt.

You knew you answer.

“Azriel…”

~*~*~*~*~ taglist: @azriels-mate123 @penguinsworldsblog @hannahx1111 @jacksonpleasestopkillingme @positivewitch @happyseadreams @fuckthatfeeling @meritxellao @xiangping-28 @clarkie-carmody-blog @aroseinvelaris @azrielhours @shadowsinger-654 @azzydaddy @nisa-wisa @cosmic-whispers @cat-or-kitten @thecraziestcrayon

(If your user is in bold I could not tag you, sorry T^T)

A/N: HAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAH HOW YA LIKE ME NOW!? I love you guys…but you really didn’t think I wouldn’t end part 2 in a cliff hanger? Think again :D Love you guys, thanks for all the support <33333

[starfallserotonin]

Shadowed feelings

Azriel x reader

Summary: as Nyx’s private tutor, you ensure the babe is getting the proper education. Even if Feyre and Rhys have you start months after he was born. Becoming part of the inner circle was a blessing. Except when it came to a certain shadow singer who secretly stole your heart. Desperately trying to take it back and push down your feelings don’t get you too far when you’re invited to Sunday family dinner in the middle of winter.

Warnings: talk of sa, angst, yearning for the other, fluff.

You couldn’t help but be a little jealous all the couples walking hand in hand by the Sidra, iced over from the cold of winter, as you strolled toward the River House. You knew you’d only find three more happy couples inside once you got there. It’s been a few months since you decided to cast your unannounced and unrequited feelings for the shadow singer aside.

You were new to the Inner Circle. Joining just after the high lady and lord had their babe join the world. The babes official tutor and instructor when he became of age. Having lead Velaris’ children and adult education programs, Feyre asked you to start being around more and more to help the babe get used to you. It only took the first year for the couple to decide they loved you and Rhys, Cassian, and Amren to learn your extensive education that they also decided to keep you around as a cartographer, linguist, and whatever professor like tasks they needed to be done. Years of studying anything and everything paid off. Not only was Nyx learning fast for a toddler, you were becoming more and more useful to the inner circle. But not only we’re you glad to be helpful to your court, but you were glad to have good friends — a family.

Breaking from your thoughts as you approached the River House, you looked up. Snow was falling slowly, but by the look of the sky, it would soon start to thicken. Kicking your boots on the door frame to free them of ice and snow, you enter the house and shed your scarf and coat off your shoulders before hanging them in the coat closet.

Laughter filled your ears as you entered the dining room. Your family sat at the table for your weekly Sunday night dinner. Feyre smiled at Nyx, who was sitting on Nesta’s lap across from her. Cassian had his arm around the back of Nesta’s chair staring at his mate. Nyx had picked up something sticky off his plate and was trying to smear it on the table, the house clearing it away before he could display his gooey art. Rhys laughed at his 2 year old. Elaine sat next to Varian and Amren, speaking to them about something botanical that I couldn’t quiet hear over Rhys and Cassian laughing. Mor sat across from Cassian and was throwing peas at the brute. Next to her was Azriel who was listening to what his brothers were laughing at. And of course, the only empty chair at the table was next to Azriel.

“Y/N! There you are,” Feyre beamed, “come sit down”. You smiled in response before taking your seat next to Azriel, who looked at you with soft eyes and a warm smile. You returned a tight lipped smile back, trying to battle the butterflies building in your gut down. A simple smile shouldn’t make you so girlish, but the way he looked at you… it sure had a hold on your heart.

Your plate popped onto the table in front of you and a fresh cup of peppermint tea. The house knew exactly what you needed to warm your cold bones.

“How’s Nyx doing with the color matching?” You asked as you took a bite of your food.

This launched Rhys, the proudest father ever, into a monologue about how he has the smartest child ever. Nyx knew all of his colors and was able to point to which color was asked of him. He said basic words such as “mama” and “dada” and “more”. Which was great as he had barely just turned two. The kid was smart, that’s for sure.

As Rhys went on, Feyre joining in on the newest thing Nyx could do, you couldn’t help but let your mind wander to those wandering tendrils of shadow that you could feel brushing up your legs. This is why you didn’t want to sit next to Azriel. His shadows had a mind of their own and for whatever reason they had to be as close as possible to you whenever you were in the room. Az could, for the most part, control them but when you were this close to him — arms nearly brushing every time the other moved — it was like he couldn’t keep them away from you even if he tried. And what was worse was that you loved having them wrap around you, leaving cool chills wherever they touched your skin. You couldn’t help but adore the shadows that accompanied the male your heart so desperately wanted.

But alas, that male seemed to distance himself after a year of you two meeting. After he tossed a male, that was forcing himself on you, off of you at Rita’s. The male only got to smashing his lips on yours when your panicked eyes saw the spy master rip him off of you and toss him across the alley. His eyes met yours and something changed in them. For whatever reason he kept his distance afterwards.

“Y/N” Nesta pulled you out of your thoughts, “what’s Nyx going to work on next?” She smiled as she stood and rounded the table, placing Nyx in you lap. An instant smile came to your face as you hugged the babe close and begin to sway your body back and forth a bit while he played with your hand.

“Color categorizing and we’re going to work on some more words. See if we can get this little bat a little more vocabulary”, you booped the babe on the nose before tickling his side eliciting a giggle from him.

You couldn’t help but feel Azriel’s hot stare on you as you held Nyx. Not to mention his shadows that were now frantically circling up your leg and around your waist. Nyx even began to grab at them, they only persisted. While everyone else continued into normal conversation, mostly Cassian being extra loud and the rest of the inner circle poking fun at him for losing this years snow ball fight, you finally dared to steal a glance at the male who made your heart stop beating. Expecting to see his carved-from-marble-by-the-mother-herself side profile, you were shocked to see his heated gaze already on you. Quickly, turning away you put your attention back onto Nyx who was holding your hand tightly as he began to doze off in your lap. When the babe finally let his eyes close completely, you let yourself have another peak.

Only, he was still looking at you. Your eyes met his again, but this time you didn’t snap your gaze away. His eyes were slightly darkened but focused on your face. His cheeks were the slightest bit flushed and his lips were pulled into the slightest smirk. He didn’t shy away from your gaze when he was caught staring. Which was so strange. The quiet, broody, almost shy Illyrian had always glanced away so quickly every time you caught him staring over the past year. Why is he not doing that now? Those butterflies dared to flutter again. Being entranced in those hazel eyes did nothing to help your attempt to squash them down. Instead those eyes encouraged them to fly higher into your chest and what felt like the base of your throat. Your chest ached.

You had no idea how long your gazes held, but Nyx’s light snoring in your arms broke you away from those gorgeous eyes and whatever just happened between you and Azriel. Standing, holding onto Nyx tightly with his head rested on your shoulder, “I’m gunna put him to bed, I’ll be right back” you hushed to Feyre as you walked by with a hand on her shoulder. She touched yours and gave it a squeeze. Thank you, you’re the best Y/N she said into your mind as her mouth was full of her dessert. You smiled and walked up the stairs to the babe’s nursery. After setting Nyx into his bed, you turn to exit the room.

In the door, shadows crept at the frame. With a sigh you walk over to them and kneel down, letting them swirl around your outstretched hand. How did his shadows feel so affectionate toward you and he so cold? As if the shadows felt your heart ache, they pooled into your palm and wound around your fingers. “How about you tell your master to stop playing games and tell me what the heck he was staring at me for” you whisper sarcastically to the shadows, knowing they were silent even if they were sentient. Voicing your thoughts and feelings, even if only to shadows, was rather nice. You stand to your feet and carefully shut the nursery door behind you. The shadows now pooled at your feet fairly heavily.

“Come on shadows, let’s get you back to your master” you huff with an eye roll.

Everyone, minus Amren and Varian who must have already left, had moved to the living area and was drinking wine and talking about Feyre’s art studio. You sat down next to Nesta, who had surprisingly become a fast friend over the past two years. She whispered, “what’s with a certain someone’s shadows following you around?”. Before you could answer Mor plopped on there other side of you and added, “ya they’re like lost puppies”. All you could do was shrug and hiss at them to hush when you noticed Azriel standing and offering you a glass of wine.

“Thanks Az” you smiled tightly as you took the glass. He smiled back, quite warmly, earning you a pinch in the side from Mor and an elbow to the other side from Nesta.

—

After hours of you all talking and joking, it was finally time to leave as it was well into the late of night. You were the first to stand, thanking Feyre and Rhys for having you over and confirming you’d see them tomorrow afternoon for Nyx’s lesson. Feyre, Cassian, and Nesta all heading upstairs as you leave the living room and into the large entryway. Pulling on your coat and scarf tightly around you, you pull on the door. It didn’t budge. So you pull harder. And again, harder. “Hey, Rhys. Something’s wrong with your door” you call out. Both Rhys and Az walk into the entryway just as your final pull sends the door flying open, you with it. Strong arms catch you tightly, sending sparks shooting up your arms under your coat. Glancing up to meet those beautiful hazel eyes, you begin to mutter out a thank you when he lifts you up and sets you back on your feet, causing your cheeks to flush.

From next to you, Rhys looked at the large wall of snow and ice that covered the door way. A wall of white. Great.

“Well. Looks like you’re snowed in, teach” Rhys chuckled. “You too, Az.”

“Great”, Azriel breathed out in disbelief.

“Hey, you’re fine Az. Your room is there for you anyways. Y/N, we have one for you as well. Sorry about the storm, you two.” Rhys winked before he headed up stairs. You sit on the couch in the living room as you take off your coat and scarf in disbelief. How could you spend the night in the same house as Azriel? Your heart certainly can’t handle it. His shadows were already circling your feet when you tossed your warm layers onto the couch next you. The house instantly banishing them to the coat closet.

Azriel sat in the arm chair across from you in silence. Sipping his wine. It was killing you. It was so quiet and the weight of your feelings only made it harder to bare.

“You know, I can’t exactly tell you why I was staring at you earlier,” he spoke softly before sipping his wine. Shock was evident on your face. Glancing down at the shadows around your feet you groaned. Snitch. “You are the one that told them to tell me” he chuckled.

“Yeah, well, I didn’t think they would actually tell you”, you dragged your hands down your face.

“I’m not playing any games, y/n”

“You’re not? Then what are you doing? You have barely spoken to me in the last year. I thought we were pretty good friends before that night in Rita’s” your laugh that followed was dripping with anger. A year or trying to forget how hurt you were by him keeping his distance had made you pretty angry.

“Don’t be angry with me. It’s not like I wanted to” he looked down at his wine glass.

“Sure, Azriel. Believe whatever you want. But I felt like shit after. I thought you were ashamed that you had to stop that male because I couldn’t myself. Or that you didn’t want to be friends with me anymore or you suddenly decided you didn’t like me” you sigh, “what was I supposed to think?”

“I’m sor—“ he started to apologize but you cut him off. Annoyance and anger squashing down the butterflies from before.

“Nope. No apologies. Tell me why you ignored me, I deserve to know” your words were bitter and laced with the ice you felt coating your heart.

“I don’t think you want to know, y/n,” he ran a hand through his dark hair.

“Okay. Fine. Goodnight Azriel.” You huffed angrily. Instead of heading toward the stairs you made a b-line to the front door. You’d shovel your way out if you had to, you weren’t spending the night with this male under the same roof. Tugging on your coat and draping your scarf around your neck, you shove your feet into your boots. Throwing open the door to expose the wall of snow.

“Y/n, where are you going?” He asks in disbelief from behind you.

“Home. Duh.” You hiss back.

“How? Gunna shovel your way out?” He chuckles with his deep timber of a voice. A chuckle that could make you melt, if you weren’t so annoyed.

“Yup.” A quick and short response as you used your magic to summon a snow shovel into your palm. He seemed a bit shocked, probably forgetting that you had the ability to summon most objects. Azriel reached out and grabbed the shovel as you turned toward the door, pulling you toward him. “No. Azriel, stop. I’m leaving” you bark trying to pull the shovel back. He doesn’t budge. Groaning you drop the shovel before summoning another and turning again.

The clatter of the first shovel on the floor is all you hear before he grabs the second in your hand. “Come on, y/n/n” he pleaded. He never called you by your nick name.

With an irritated sigh, you respond “then tell me why” your free hand coming to your hip in a stubborn and sassy manner.

“I can’t”

You huff and turn back to the door, dropping that shovel as well, “goodbye Azriel”, but before you can summon a third shovel he grabs the sides of your scarf, spins you around and pulls you toward him. So close to him that if you inched forward the slightest you would feel his chest on yours. His eyes were closed and his breath hitched. You were too stunned by the close proximity to move.

“It’s because I was scared. Alright? I was scared of what I felt that night. That you wouldn’t feel it too” His eyes remained closed and his hands still held you close by the ends of the scarf. His shadows circled you both, heavy and thick with darkness, filling the entryway.

“What feeling? Anger? Cause I can assure you, Az, I’m pretty pissed right now”

“No, y/n, what I felt wasn’t anger.” His eyes snapped open and the look in those hazel orbs was like nothing you’d ever seen. Pure love and compassion danced in his irises.

Your heart skipped a beat and then felt like it stopped all together. As if a rope was tied around it. Then a tug. Your chest tightened. Another tug. your heart felt like it was shocked. The butterflies were back, but this time they felt like they had multiplied by a hundred. Your heart beat faster. Another tug. Your eyes welled with tears. Was this what you thought it was?

Azriel’s eyes searched yours, his scarred hands came up to cup the sides of your face. Another tug. Hope filled his eyes and he wiped away a tear that slipped down your cheek. Another tug. And then a snap that locked everything into place. Your heart opened the flood gates and love washed over your entire body. The tears freely fell down your cheeks. Az brushed away as many as he could.

Another tug.

This time, you tugged back. Any worry left on his face was swept away and replaced with pure joy and he pulled you into his chest and lifted you off of your feet into the warmest hug any fae could ask for. The hug of their mate.

His shadows danced around you both. You could hear them now, chanting softly in silky tunes. Mate, mate, mate. “I didn’t want you to know that it snapped in place for me the second I ripped that piece of scum off of you. In the violent act, my heart revealed itself. I was so scared that you’d reject me, the idea of having a scarred male who is tethered to his job is not exactly the ideal mate, I know.” He pulled away from the hug, setting you down, looking at his feet.

“Azriel, i am just as tethered to this court. I’m responsible for the high lord and lady’s child for cauldrons sake,” you let out a sweet chuckle before placing your hand on the side of his face, “I wish you had told me.”

His eyes met yours, sadness flooded them, “y/n I am so so—“

“No, no. Like I said earlier. No apologies” you smiled warmly. You understood. You really did. Love was scary. That’s why you shoved your feelings down for him before. Only now you realize it was your heart trying to tell you who he was. That he was your mate.

Standing in the entryway of the River House, the front door wide open, the chill of the icy outside air breezing in. It all faded away as you brought your other hand to the other side of his face. His eyes met yours. His shadows curled around you both. With a small inhale to give you the courage, you pulled his face down to you and met his lips with yours. Time stilled. The kiss started soft and gentle, like you were both trying not to break the other. But it evolved into something deeper, more passionate. It was the kiss to end all other kisses. The heat that warmed your body was his, the cold air from the open door had nothing on the warmth you felt from the mating bond radiating between you two.

Pulling away from him only when you both desperately needed air, you grabbed his hand in yours and pulled him out of the entryway.

“Where we going, angel?” He asked, sounding like a love drunk male.

“The kitchen, my mate.”

[p3arldiver]

A Court of Light and Sorrow

Chapter Six

Took a small break for exams but regular updates are backkkkkkk!! Here’s chapter 6 :) I hope you like it!!

[redheadspark]

Hi ik this is kinda specific but could you write something based off the soft angst prompt “  i made you cry.  and i hate myself for that.  i swore i wouldn’t be one of the people who left you hurting.  ” and it’s azriel x reader and maybe he said something hurtful when he was mad and sauced the reader to cry and be insecure? Thanks and much love!!!

A/N: OMG The angst on this one is gonna be real! Thanks for the prompt Anon!

Heated

Summary: During a heated argument, Azriel oversteps and sees how badly he's hurt his mate.

You've had fights before with your mate. You two were very hard headed when it came to what you wanted and what you knew was right.

But this time, this fight was bad.

It started with the infamous argument of you wanting to learn how of fight and defend yourself. You've seen Cassian work with Nesta, and to see how far she's come in her fighting and to hone her skills was amazing.

But Azriel was protective of you, far too protective.

He knew the kind of troubled past you grew up in with your abusive father, who never saw you are more than a piece of property. It was a bad situation, leading up to the point of your father almost killing you when you tried to run away from home.

Thankfully you got out of there, finding refuge in one of the homeless shelters in Velaris under an alias so that your father wouldn't find you.

That's where you met Azriel.

He was accompanying High Lady Feyre, who was making her weekly visit to help with the homeless fae there and bring funds to help with any renovations.

When you looked eyes with one another, it was safe to say you two were in love.

Azriel loved you with all that he had, showering you with love and deviant that only the Shadow Singer would bring. But when he got word of your father and what he did to you, he was angry at the man for how he treated you.

When you two got together, he made a vow to her that he would never be like your father: he would only bring you loyalty, love and devotion.

It still didn't mean you two would fight and bicker every once in awhile.

For Azriel, it was about your safety. On your end, it was about you trying to be tougher your own too feet. It wasn't that Azriel kept you on a chain, he made sure you did what you wanted to do and then some.

But your safety was always his number one priority, and sometimes you thought he was downright crazy.

This fight was a prime example.

"I need to learn how to defend myself, and you might as well be the one to do teach me,"

"It's not that simple,"

"I think it is. Is there a reason why you don't want to teach your own mate how?"

"I just can't, okay?!"

"No, it's not okay! I don't understand this, Az. I need to learn how to defend myself if something does happen, and I don't expect to be a wallflower and just sit up here when something does happen!" You two were outside on the balcony of the House of Wind, the early evening already came through the city below as you thought it was just the pair of you.

"Can we drop this, please?" He asked, his voice already sounding agitated as you weren't backing down with him and he walked away from you, his back to you and his wings tucked in so tight that it almost looked like they were going to snap. You could read his body language that he wasn't calming down. You knew your mate too well, it was pestering under his skin and wings. Yet you were being a stubborn fool and still wanting to argue with him.

"No, I think it's ridiculous that you won't train me!" you replied, hearing the doors open to your right and notice Cassian and Nesta poking their heads out. It was a rare sight to see you two arguing like this, and it was showing on their faces. Cassian looked very worried, and Nesta looked a bit concerned.

"You're making it sound like I can't handle your training when you knew damn well I can!" You kept going, showing no sing of stopping as you took another step towards your mate, not noticing his clenched fists at his sides and how sharp his breaths were as he was inhaling and exhaling sharply and loudly, "I want to trust you in showing me how to fight, but you're clearly pissed off and acting like a dick because you won't--"

Azriel spun so fast that his wing spread out and you had to jump back from one of them hitting you across your face. You were now face to face with Azriel, who's face was so contorted in anger and rage that it made you freeze up like a statue.

"I DON'T WANT TO TRAIN YOU JUST TO WATCH YOU FAIL AND DIE IN FRONT OF ME!" He bellowed.

His voice rang out into the sky, almost shaking a few boulders from the mountain tops.

The way he was towering over you, how his eyes were filled with rage and anger, and how his voice was laced with rage so deeply within in, it made you stop and feel your stomach drop to the ground. Nothing else was there in your head, and your heart was now beating so fast that you were going to throw up.

He never once yelled at you like this before. You two raised voices at each other in the past, but not like this. This....this was something else and it was nasty to the core. You felt your skin shaking and your eyes shivering now as Azriel was staring daggers at you.

He knew you were going to fail and die.

"Azriel," Cassian said his name in a low tone, almost like a command to back down. Azriel looked over at him, blinking a few times and recoiling from the tall stature he was in. You were still frozen, feeling tears hitting your cheeks before you knew it.

Something in the back of your mind was making you remember your father, the way he yelled over your head to almost hammering in all the things that were wrong with you.

Azriel swore, promised, vowed that he would never yell at you like this. But now he did, and it was like a knife to the heart.

He looked back at you, the anger and rage was long gone now. There was no more heat in his eyes, not in his stance either. But you were shaking in your spot, silently crying and feel like you could fly away like a leaf in the wind.

Azriel saw it, and his face fell.

"I..I didn't mean to..." he said in a stammer, his voice was soft again but laced in pain as he went to reach out to touch you, give you some kind of comfort. You flinched way before he could, a reflex you haven't done in years as Azriel saw it. Pain was there in his eyes as you rushed away from him and to the glass doors. Cassian and Nesta moved out of the way just in time as you went inside, crying into your hands as you were just needing to be away from him, from the balcony, but all of it.

"No! No please!" Azriel called out to you as you were walking briskly down the hallway and into your room. Your head was spinning in how he yelled at you, how he said he knew you were going to fail and die in front of him, it was spinning out of control with no way up or out. It was getting harder for you to breathe, having your throat tighten up as you finally made it to your room and slammed the door shut right behind you with a click of the lock.

You collapsed against the bed, trying to breathe but it wasn't working. You were hearing your father's voice and Azriel's voice, almost morphing together and swirling around and around and around. Once again you pushed the one you loved too far and they lashed out.

This was your failure after all.

Someone was banging on the door rapidly, you tried to breathe but you couldn't anymore and a gasp was out of your lips.

"Please let me in! I'm so sorry for yelling at you! That wasn't right of me and I take it back, please! Talk to me, please! I can feel it...I can...I can feel the pain I cause you and I wanna fix it. Please let me fix it!" He pleaded on the other side of the door. He sounded like he was in pain, sadness laced in his tone.

You tried to talk again, but your breath was no longer there and by this point you were wheezing. tears were flooding your face and neck as you were hunched over yourself.

This was it. You were spiraling with no way out.

The door then was broken down within a second, you heard the cracking of the wood and the door handle falling to the carpet floor. You felt hands on your arms, soothing and gentle hands you've felt during times of love, pleasure, devotion, and safety.

Azriel's hands, you knew them for far too long.

"Breathe, honey. You need to breathe," He said to you over and over as he was hunched over you from behind, his front to your back to almost help you mirror his breathing. He's done this before you had panic attacks in the past: showing you how to breathe and come back from the deep hole you were in.

This was just the same.

"In through your nose and out through your mouth, you can do it, baby. You're strong enough to do it, just like you used to do it with me. Come on, please breathe for me." he said against your head with pain in his own tone of voice as you took in a shallow breath. You let it out shakily, then doing it again and again. It took some time, reminding yourself when to breathe and to release it out into the void. The hammering in your head was slowing down, the voices were slipping away and out of sight. That pull you had, the mating bond within you, was screaming out for you to breathe and survive.

Azriel was helping you breathe through your bond.

Finally, you were calm enough to just be hiding your face in your hands and sniffle away the rest of the tears on your cheeks and chin.

His hands were still on your arms, afraid to move them in case you were going to freak out again. He leaned his head against your back and took in a long, hurting, breath against your hair before you felt him shutter,

Full on shutter, as if he was trying not to cry himself.

"I'm so so sorry," he said against your locks, having you open you eyes slowly and look at the bed in front of you. Your bond felt so tender then, almost crying out to fix this to make it better as Azriel kept going, "I didn't meant to bring you this kind of pain."

You hands were moving without you realizing, moving up to touch his fingers against your upper arms. Something deep inside of you was screaming out to find him and hold him, to comfort him since now you were feeling his pain and anguish within your own bond. But your brain was still feeling frazzled and sensitive from all that happened, making your stay put.

"I promised you I would never yell at you like your father did, or make you feel less than you were, "He said in a stammer, sounding so broken and defeated your heart was hurting more to hear it in his tone, "I made you cry, and I hate myself for that.  I swore I wouldn’t be one of the people who left you hurting,"

You took in a long breath, remembering that day when he vowed he would never be like your father. Azriel swore on his life, something that seemed so massive and so powerful that it changed you inwardly for the better.

Yet he was different from your father in more ways than one. Logically, for him to ahem this one moment of brokenness and weakness should not be the end all of what you two have. You still loved Azriel, more than life itself. He was your world, your bond was beyond good and strong for him.

"I just....I can't loose you and think of you being taken from me forever," He explained, you feeling a few tears in your hair as he stammered on, "I-I-I thought that training you would make you willing to fight, and that would eventually get you k-killed. I can't...I can't loose you ever, you mean everything to me and I'm just....I'm fucking afraid,"

"Az," You hummed his name your voice raw from your tears and near panic attack. He froze behind you, thinking that you were going to run away from him again. But you carefully turned around, facing him on the ground near your end as you two were kneeling in front of one another.

You saw his face, and your heart was breaking from what you saw. There were evident tears there along his own cheeks, his eyes were still with pain and sadness, and his own stature seemed so weak to the point of almost falling over with a gust of wind came into the room. Even his own wings were hanging on the ground, showing no strength in them as you searched each other's eyes.

"I'm sorry for pushing you--" You were about to apologize, knowing that you were partially in the wrong for what happened. You never stopped or backed off, and it backfired in the worst way possible.

"No, no no. Don't you dare apologize," he said to you, slowly reaching up to traced your tears away with his shaking fingers, "I did this. It was all me, and I'm the only one to blame."

You sighed in defeat, no longer having the energy or strength in your to argue with him. You leaned forward to touch your forehead with his own, the both of you in a peaceful moment of silence there on the ground.

You could hear him in your mind and in your bond: pain and suffering was evident. You cringed, feeling the sense of defeat that he was feeling because of what he did to you. The last thing you wanted to do was to have him wallow in his own pity and doubts. The last thing you hear and left was one sentence.

"She won't love me anymore after this..."

"Azriel," You said his full name, the way you said his name was so emotional that it made him pull back and look at you in worry. You searched his eyes, giving him a small tilt of your head.

"There's nothing you can do that will make me love you less, you hear me? Even after this, I still love you. Only you, please know that," You reassured him, and you felt him engulf you in his arms. This was only one moment in your whole life together, and the love of your mate was worth far more than one argument that blew up and went too far.

There was still more love for you two to share, not to have it tainted with one singular moment of pain and regret. You had things to work out on your end, and Azriel did on his end. You both will mend it together, no hesitation in it.

But for now, you both were healing together.

[the-daydreaming-show]

≡ 𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐅𝐈𝐂 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓.

→ 𝐃𝐂 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐒

𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐔𝐬 (Batfam x ScarletWitch!Batmom)

Inspired by Wandavision, this fanfic shows the consequences of the tragic death of Jason Todd for the Wayne family and especially for Batmom. Multiple Parts. A LOT of Angst. Happy Ending?? (COMPETED).

𝐒𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐃𝐨𝐧'𝐭 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐌𝐲 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐞 (sequel to 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐔𝐬)

Time has continued to pass for the Wayne family, but many things remain the same. And when Red Hood makes an appearance in Gotham City, you'll feel like no time has passed and the show never ended (ON GOING).

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 (?) 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬, 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐞 (but patience) (Batfam x ScarletWitch!Batmom)

A small collection of stories like Batmom! Scarlet Witch as a mother for her children unintentionally but not by accident, and how it started (ON GOING).

→ 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐒

𝐀 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫 (Obi-Wan Kenobi x Sith!Reader)

A world where Obi-Wan's beloved turned to the dark side to seek a better life for her family and as affection, these are the events that led to Order 66 (PAUSED INDEFINITELY).

→ 𝐀𝐂𝐎𝐓𝐀𝐑

𝐀 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐃 𝐆𝐎𝐋𝐃 (Azriel x OC!Fem)

Wattpad | Ao3

Where Ellaria of Troy, The only living daughter of Zeus, High General of the Army of the Olympians, falls into a new universe, a different world from her own. Where she falls (literally) into Azriel's arms, The Shadow Singer, Spymaster of the Night Court (ON GOING).

→ 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐋𝐃

𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐍𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐒 (potter!oc x malfoy!oc)

Wattpad | Ao3

Where Florence Potter dies crushed by the roof of her house, during Lord Voldemort's attack on her family, being-just after her parents-the last death of the First Wizarding War. And now Elsie Snape is raised by a single father, the former Death Eater Severus Snape, under all the secrets and expectations that she must carry (ON GOING).

BACK to ⌂ 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎.